#agonizing creativity
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The other day, I was planning on doing some more studies of splatoon characters, but, uh-
Top Ten Things that DIDN'T Happen
Feat. These adorable highlighters I got from the store the other day, oh my goooosshhhhh, I love them so much, you don't even knooowwwwww
#my art#where's wally#where's waldo#sketchbook#odlaw#wenda#alright this is my post I can be weird in the tags guilt free#GRRRRAAAAAHHHHHH I LOVE THIS GUY!!!!!#Splatoon is still my number one creative inspiration don't get me wrong#but I do have some negative associations with it from someone I've cut out of my life#so there are times where I just CAN'T make art for it without upsetting myself#but my drawing motivation doesn't go away#used to I'd just suffer but now I have YYYYOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU#I can just go and fill page after page in my sketchbook with this guy and my mood is lifted INSTANTLY#and between the goofy nonsense of the 90s show and books#and the abject horror of the lumpy touch series#(and people 😳ing him)#he's just so versatile I can put him in ANY situation and it WILL make sense#combine that with the way I've fallen back in love with sketchbooking (?) recently#I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN WITH MY ART LATELY#I FEEL LIKE I'M 12 AGAIN MAKING FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S FAN ART IN THE BACK OF THE CLASS#my art/sketchbook doesn't have to look “Good” I don't have to spend time agonizing over every line and take hours on one sketch#I can just scribble a guy and go about my day#tdlr therapy expensive Wally is free
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sometimes it is agonizing to write a single paragraph. sometimes you write a novel in a week. writing is weird.
#i guess the lesson here is#when i know the shape of the plot well#but don't have everything worked out in so much detail#that i get to be sort of freewheeling and creative with new ideas while i'm actually writing#it both comes really easily and really holds my focus#it also helps if it just feels like a really fun setting#like i am constantly learning interesting new things about this place as i write#i think it also helps that this was meant to be a short and silly low stakes project#so i'm not agonizing over the actual quality of the prose here#which is workmanlike at best#but hey#sometimes it's fun to read a jim butcher style story#sometimes it's fun to write one
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good news wildcats, I'm finally watching hsmtmts s4. I just finished episode 1 and I am SCREAMING.
toxic ricky is back!!!!!!!!!!! unhinged unstable season 1 ricky my darling!!!! my beloved!!!!!!!!! my pathetic soggy prayers have been answered!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#anyway it started making my brain too happy so I'm gonna have to pick it up and put it down until I get good n fixated enough to mass consum#but the good news is I'm getting so many ideas for rocks 2 n 3 n 4!!!!!!!!!#it will be a slow and steady process but it's chuggin down the choo choo tracks!!!!!!!!!! I'm working on wrapping up curiosity while I outl#then when I write those probs is when I'll outline cur2-3.#also mike being like “yeah I met your mom in my senior year so uh... be safe”#and ricky's like “don't worry dad I won't get my heart broken”#“......OH. you mean THAT kind of safe.”#I am WAITING AND AGONIZING for them to drop an implied sex scene#i know they probs won't cause it's disney but PLEASE GOD PLEASE#I NEED TO SEE WHAT RICKY LOOKS LIKE ON CAMERA AFTER GETTING HIS FUCKING WORLD ROCKED#PLEASE GOD PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU#anyway yeah#tried to talk to someone about all this and got HORRIBLE rejection sensitive dysphoria so time to delve into fanfiction to cope!!!!!!!!#love writing as a creative outlet!!!!!! love that I have therapy tomorrow!!!!!!!!
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i shouldve played pokemon violet in spanish....
#on top of being good practice i bet it wouldve kept me more engaged....#but if i restart now#what if replaying the same stuff makes me disengaged again but in a different way.....#i have not touched the game in months and im not even halfway thru it argh.#i wont touch it today anyways i have to clean a bunch of shit. but still i find time to agonize over inconsequential things#adddna#also to be clear 'im not engaged' doesnt mean its a bad game. it means im a shit ass gamer#i am. NOTABLY. bad at engaging with games the way that youre supposed to.#its a miracle pkmn sun & legends arceus went as well as they did#but alas. the amount of free choice in violet makes my little pea brain confused#legends arceus was my max capacity for open world story driven games i guess.#'dont you own breath of the wild' i sure do. i havent played it in over a year i think. maybe 2!#and girl you KNOW i am even LESS close to halfway thru that one#'hows spore different' theres not a story im just encouraged to fuck around! its like an art program. to me :)#meanwhile in violet and botw i cant draw on things. i cant make a little guy of my own. &i can barely play dress up#im supposed to be entertained by GAME mechanics???? in the VIDEOS GAME??? and not just creative tools and/or linear narrative???#bull shit . game mechanic of skill is nothing but agony for sydney. the least you could do is give me a good consolation dress up game.
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apologies for the inactivity, i've lost a lot of my passion for drawing recently. been doing a lot of costume-making over at @sorchafluff but not much else.
feel free to send art requests in the meantime, no guarantee i'll do them but there's a chance
#txt#currently putting all my creative energy into a sorcha fullsuit . and learning how to use a sewing machine#also been agonizing over a lot of little medical stuff which sucks the life out of me. sighs#just found out the only 'good' top surgeons in my state don't take insurance so i'm gonna try to do plushie comms to save up extra $ maybe?#i make good money as is but i'm desperate to get this surgery asap so i'm gonna try everything i can hwghh
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You wrote a 17776 fic?! How did I not know of this?!
Now I have to remember it…
yeah!! had to whump those robots at least once, yk?
#ard answers#i remember agonizing over this fic bcos i was like man how do i whump these machines............ VIRTUAL REALITY MY BELOVED#obvi i couldve been more creative but i realized vr was the answer to all my problems#and then i was like yeah juice would make a marie antoinette joke at least once#and that was that!!!
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Everybody learns at their own pace everybody learns in their own time everybody everybody learns at the time best for them everybody-
#.txt#AGONIZING#the desire to improve right.this. second to unattainable degrees is crushing me oh nature cleooo#so many skilled artists and writers to be inspired from and motivated by#I REALIZE its like. all 20-smiths but I just love their stuff so much TT#and look. I still have to do my yearly america cringe post redraw and I’m excited BUT LAST YEAR I literally preferred the previous#and writing again and realizing I might have REGRESSED?!?!? from 2021?!?!? well maybe not BUT#its a tough lesson to learn that just because you age you don’t improve things you associate ur identity with if. you don’t. PRACTICE#like idk#anatomy not good enough#dialogue not good enough#not doing trends means less acknowledgement and that HURTS but I just don’t like making shit idc about it so it doesn’t feel worth it#going to college and realize it ur gonna have to stop being a kid and being ok with inadequacy#loving talking to fandom ppl but thinking oh ill never be as charismatic never be as interesting or as knowledgeable about history and#lighting#PEOPLE SHOULDNT COMPARE THEMSELVES TO THOSE 5+ YEARS OLDER bc DUH they’re gonna often be better#I just. havin a creative bump where it feels like ill never bring my ideas to as good fruitation as others can#well. um. yea if that’s about it. I’m gonna go plan for tomorrows usual week comic cuz I’m flying to England at 5pm and wont have time/bars#ill be in Europe for the next three weeks and I’m very excited#just feeling all around inadequate if cuz Europeans often judge you REALLY harsh when they find out your American#I just need to POWER THOUGH and have a good time and make the comics and write the stories I wanna write#cuz that’s all I can do and the only way to get better at walking is to walk the walk
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i saw a post speculating that only ppl who write fic work on multiple projects at once bc the op couldn't understand how anyone doing original fic could handle the level of worldbuilding involved in managing multiple WIPs & its so strange like ... plenty of us have always rotated thru multiple things, it's giving the same energy as people who can't fathom reading more than one fiction book for pleasure at once. 'how could you possibly keep track of multiple universes at once?' the v same way many people manage to keep up w more than one video game or TV show 😭
#i think the misconception comes from everyone thinking that you MUST spend an inordinate amount of time agonizing over a magic system or#alien race or w/e b4 setting pen to paper (or finger to keyboard) and it's like first of all not every single queer indie author is even#writing big spec fic epics#(hewwo novellas! shoutout to short stories & flash & microfiction!)#second#if youre a creative who's into multiple disciplines you're naturally always gonna be doing more than one thing at once#idk it took me aback bc 'multitasking' is not something that 21st century fanfic writers invented it's just a thing all kind of ppl do shddd
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I forgot to bitch about this earlier but I was on Ao3 and I saw a tag that said "Ai generated text" and I'm just
What the fuck are we doing here dude
#;ooc.#You know what I'm gonna be an elitist about this. I don't think you should write if you have to rely on AI to do it for you#You're just completely missing the point of writing#Oh it's too hard? That's the point. It's blood sweat and tears#Creativity isn't an easy pursuit but it is immensely rewarding. But you can't cheat It#You have to put in the work. You have to agonize over a blank word document until it annoys the fuck out of you#You can't just put it in a machine and have it rip off a hundred different writers#You're fooling yourself above all#You are building a house of cards on mud#Anyway if you can't tell I am extremely anti Ai lmfao#Like it has its place. It can be an immensely helpful tool to HELP#but it CANNOT be the end all be all#It can't be the magic wand you wave to shortchange creativity#Creativity is made by human mind and soul#Anywayyyyyyy
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"I always thought I was born to be a writer but at just twenty-two I’ve exhausted my head. Nothing brilliant comes from it, only rusted memories of times I desperately try to call “better”."
- Mal Rowinski
( on Substack )
#oh the agonizing pain of being a creative#writer#author#writing#mental health#lana del rey#girlblog#girlblogger#femcel#female hysteria#female manipulator#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#manic pixie dream girl
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Do you like Dead Like Me? Do you like Dirk Gently? You wanna read the first chapter of a maybe fic I'm gonna write more of where Todd has died and become a reaper and it leads to him meeting Dirk who suspiciously won't die even though he keeps ending up on those post-its? Featuring a fun Tina and Todd friendship?
Yes? Great?
Check it out!
For Whom the Bell(Hop) Tolls
Ao3 link
Summary:
Todd Brotzman died. It sucked, but also his life kinda sucked. Made sense that dead end jobs led to his literal... dead end.
What he wasn't expecting was the job offer after he died. He gets to stick around and all he's got to do is snatch up some souls? It's not the best job, doesn't pay anything, but he'd do anything to be able to keep an eye on his sister, especially now that her brother had died and left her basically alone.
And the reaping isn't so bad. It's steady and consistent. At least until one of his marks proves especially difficult to pin down.
Why the fuck won't this S. Cjelli guy die?
#i made a post about this ages ago but i love this concept#and i love bryan fuller shows and their interesting relationship with death and the dialogue#and they feel like cousins to dirk gently in a way that fits so well#so just had to jam them together.#we'll see where this goes. i literally dont have time to be writing anything right now because i have a big career test coming#and i have to study for it. like i have to#which means of course my brain suddenly had a million projects i want to write and draw and whatever#and its agonizing. i wanna be creative but i need to learn things 😭😭😭#dghda#dirk gently#todd brotzman#dirk gently’s holistic detective agency#this will eventually be brotzly if i keep writing because of course it will#tina tevetino#dead like me#dead like me au
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For a couple of years there my ability to write was entirely unencumbered by concerns such as Properly Executing A Vision. I had an idea and I simply wrote that idea down from start to finish. Now I have an idea and I have no idea how to execute it. I feel like I’m 19 again trying to figure out what it is about xyz piece of writing that does it for me and banging my head against a wall because I don’t have the ability to move what is inside of me out.
#writing sucks don’t do it. certainly don’t hang your sense of creative self worth on it.#learn to bake or grow tomatoes or something it’s less agonizing and also u can eat the results#i just finished reading a fic that was really good but also it ended differently than i was expecting#which made me realize i Was Expecting Something#which made me consider that I couldn’t have written this fic specifically because#i am no longer capable of executing the ideas i have to my satisfaction
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drew a horsey + a woman
#text#i am posting#i have so much creative insp rn but ive been having a hard time making good sketches#for like. 6 months straight#its pretty agonizing#my art
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Day 3 of being stuck inside because everything is frozen outside:
Work is closed today because no one can get to the office, including myself even though I live the closest. Even just trying to get down the steps leading from my porch is a death sentence.
Anyway, I'm hoping to use the extra day to finally get some stuff done around the house. Maybe even draw or write something if my energy keeps up. Fingers crossed for me 🤞
#personal ramblings#whenever i have an extra day off#i always agonize over whether i should do house stuff#or creative stuff#considering i haven't had time or energy to create lately#i'm leaning towards creative...#maybe it'll keep me from getting cabin fever lol
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you can tell id be a good director bc im going insane editing what will ultimately be a 40 second video
#who needs a film degree when you have insane creative perfectionism#im like having fun and not having fun at the same time. which i imagine is also what its like being a director#fun bc its my fun sparkstember project and im proud of the concept#not fun bc its agonizing putting 2 second clips in the right order on canva
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Have the first concept doodles for FRL and their sibling name TBD (which is a valid Iterator name by itself...) Posted just because I'm sad I don't have anything else to post.
I've been thinking about my dude a lot for a while, but I just don't know how to really... Start. I get stuck on little details and I'm unsure how to actually make a hook for introducing the character. The only things I can ever think about are the background and concepts in an ephemeral fashion; committing to a start for a project is hard OTL
#RW has many little details which I love but it makes it hard to be 100% sure anything I do will entirely fit in the world#currently agonizing over what kinds of buttress Fog's tower should use#and what dates are when#that sort of thing#rain world#rw oc#Iterator oc#feels spammy to tag; I apologize#but if anyone has any insight on starting creative RW projects... I'd love to hear it and get some options
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