#again. thank you so so much for this. i dont ramble about kit as much anymore and sometimes its nice to think in depth about my ginger freak

[socially-awkward-skeleton]

Hi! I hope you’ve been doing well and taking care of yourself!

I was scrolling through your kit cross tag, and I know she joins Jacob, and I recently rewatched Jacob’s fight on youtube, and so I just gotta know:

If Kit was an actual character in the game, what would her boss fight be like?

Would it be intertwined with Jacob’s or would killing Jacob trigger it? What would her relative difficulty be when compared to the others? What would be her strength in the battle? What would she be saying to the player during it, if she speaks at all?

She’s honestly kinda terrifying (and incredibly hot) and seeing her charging at me would make me freak out 😂

I've been doing well enough, hope you are doing okay too <3 Thank you so much for this!! Honestly, this is something I have thought about, and I thank you for sending this my way and thinking about my terrifying Kit (you're right though, murder mommy is also very hot)

This gets really long, so putting it under the cut:

I think the best way to describe her boss fight would be like playing through Outlast. It would require the player to have to be sneaky and quiet at all times, focusing on survival through stealth. Basically, for all intents and purposes, turning themselves into a prey animal. (She'd probably also secretly get off on that because she's a freak 🤫)

The player would be forced to feel that fear of knowing they're being stalked. Adrenaline pumping, heart racing, palms getting sweaty. It would be eerily quiet, menacing in its lack of sound. Moving through the environment knowing that she could be behind any corner, ready to strike at any moment.

She, of course, has a lot of cat-like qualities, and so I picture it a lot like trying to escape from a tiger or a leopard, where you just know they are watching and waiting to pounce. That's Kit in a nutshell. She'll make you think you're safe, that you have the upper hand, but she's already multiple steps ahead of you and has about a hundred different contingency plans in her head, not to mention the brass balls of believing she is working for God and doing his bidding (apparently he'll forgive the murder if it's her hand. blah blah blah Lion of God or whatever)

I think killing Jacob would be the better trigger for her boss fight because at that point, it's no holds barred for her. She's going to be out for blood, and as much as she says she won't die for anyone and sacrificing herself is weakness, she'd have less to live for which makes her all the more dangerous.

I think for Kit, it would be more interesting to force the player to have to use melee or bladed weapons rather than guns like the rest of the fights. Forced to get on her level, to be willing to draw blood and get their hands dirty. She'd have more respect for someone willing to do that. She'd still want them dead, but at least she won't look at them like a worm then.

Her fight would also require no use of the Bliss. She despises it and what it makes her do, and I think she'd much prefer the challenge of having to take on someone one on one without them being drugged out of their gourd. Honor is a big thing with Kit, despite her being a shitty person. She doesn't like tricks or backstabbing or not fighting fair (unless it's her doing so, classic Seed hypocrisy showing through in her right there).

Kit isn't one for taunting. She's all about stealth and proving her strength through her will and through her actions. If someone is going to kill her they should prove worthy in doing so, so trying to break their spirit during the fight would also serve as a distraction for her. I think if she were to say anything, it would be if the player lost the fight. Then it's a smug look and a classic: "See, God won't let me die." All while giving the Kubrick stare.

[livin4woso]

Breaking the media

Chapter 4- moving on in

Your alarm rang at the ungodly hour of 7.30 you quickly shut it off and forced yourself out of bed training didnt start till 9.30 but knowing you its going to take atleast 2hrs to get ready. You wandered into the small kitchen and realised that you needed to go shopping you had been so caught up in being ready for training that you hadn't had the chance to get shopping. Your first thought was to just find the nearest shop and buy what you needed however you thought going to a local cafe was a smarter choice and would be better than your terrible cooking skills.

It didnt take long for you to find a cafe with the help of Google maps and being placed in a busy small town. The cafe you had found was very reserved and ran by an old spanish women which was happy to greet you as you stood with your Barcelona sweats on and a giant backpack filled with your training kit. "Thank you so much, how much is it" you asked after having the best avocado on toast you had ever tasted and a mocha that was brew to perfection "its on the house dear, you're welcome back anytime" she said clearling you plates away "no no please let me pay" you practically begged the older women to let you pay but she refused.

After excepting your fate and enjoying your time in the cafe you forgot to check the time and saw it was 9.10 am you'd spent an 1hr in the cafe "shit" you mumbled to yourself and waved the old women goodbye. Now if miracles exists this was one you were 25 minutes away from the training ground and somehow you had made it there for 9.25. With 5 minutes to spare you walked into the changing room to find that you were the last one in and everyone was waiting for you. You knew that wasn't the best impression but atleast you weren't late "captain im so sorry, i didn't mean to show up so far behind i wont do it again" you pleaded to your new captain as you had a feeling she was ready to snap at you from the gaze she gave you "dont apologise its okay just next time be earlier, its your first day dont stress" she said and put a hand on your shoulder in reassurance.

Training had gone well for you, you had very quickly proved yourself to fit to the rumors of being a promising young talent. If football was a language you were fluent everything made sense to you the way the ball moved at your feet it was natural. Everyone was fairly impressed with your skill "you worried luce" mapi joked digging her elbow into lucys side "don't even" she said deadpanning her face of course lucy was the starter over you but you were definitely a threat you were half of lucys age and developing quicker than ever. You walked back to the changing room and got changed quickly sending everyone a goodbye before heading off the walk home as you needed to shop.

This is when lucy needed to bring up your living suitation but she had no power to get this changed she needed to tell alexia "ale, can i talk to you" she said dragging the spainard to the side of the room "sure whats up" she said back "its about y/n" lucy said trying to figure out whats the best way to word this "whats wrong?" Alexia responded her eyebrows knitted together she cared for you and she didnt understand why she was so protective over you even though the two of you rarely spoke, you rarely spoke to anyone unless it was for a drill. "Ermm so basically she's living by herself the team have bought her an apartment and shes been walking to the training ground.. and like yes i know she probably can take care of herself. But shes 16.. and" lucy was rambling "what? She's living by herself she knows no spanish and probably doesn't know how to wash her clothes... we've got to sort this" alexia said almost shocked in the stupidity of the management team what were they thinking a 16 year old by herself.

Alexia had went to talk to jona after she told lucy she would sort out the issue, "jona were abouts does y/n live?" She questioned him "its in de la tres torres apartment 4b" he said "why?" "Im going to check up on her and tell her she is moving in with me, im not having a 16yr old live by herself in a foreign country" she said back firmly grabbing her car keys out of her bag and storming off to the car park before jona could protest against the captain l, you were living with her she didn't care she had a spare room and was quite happy to share it as she wouldn't mind the company on her days off. She drove to your apartment parking her car outside she was preparing for your stubborn attitude to not be willing to leave as she knows how teenagers can be.

It was 5.30pm when the knock came at your door you were about to head off shopping so you had no idea who it could be. You opened your door to find alexia stood outside "am i in trouble?" You questioned it would be the only reason she was at your door "no course not how about we have a seat" she said as you brought her to your sofa "nice place" she commented glazing around the room it was nicely decorated but it wasnt a home "yeah its alright, just a bit lonely sometimes" you said sitting down next to her. "So i was wondering if instead of living here by yourself, you come and live with me in my apartment i have a spare room and it would be much nicer and you would have less responsibility" she began "ermm i dont know captain i dont wanna crash your place.. honestly im fine here" you said almost believing your own words. You weren't fine in that apartment you had no idea how to live by yourself but you didnt want to burden alexia with your problems or with your presence. "No no pequeña, please come live with me honestly it would put me at peace of mind that you are well fed and rest" she said back "really?" You questioned you almost couldn't believe she cared that much for you "of course but please stop calling me captain and call me alexia or ale whatever one" she said almost jokingly.

You had agreed to stay with her and you began to pack but it was getting late and you hadn't eaten yet "umm ale.. alexia can we just go now im really hungry and have no energy to finish packing" you said walking into the living room where she was lay on your couch "of course pequeña how about tomorrow you come back after training then call me when you're finished packing" she said looking up to you. You just nodded you were so tired and it was only 6.30. She brought you to her car and you slipped into the passenger seat the drive was longer than you had expected it was a 30 minutes away yet thats all it took for you to drift of asleep in her car your head resting against the window. Alexia looked over to you her heart almost melting at the sight she knew how hard this must be for you and yet you still hadn't spoke to anyone. The car had pulled into alexias driveway and just as she turned the car off you had stirred awake from your sleep "we're here amor how about you get your bags from the boot" she said getting out the car and made her way to open the door to her house. Her house was beautifully furnished it was so her stylish yet not over the top you couldn't believe you were going to be staying in her home. "How about you start putting your stuff in the bedroom while i cook us some food" she said as she showed you to your new room.

The dish was simple it was just some pasta but it was so tasty you had been craving a home cooked meal. "Thank you so much" you said as you moved to wash your plate in the sink, "no worries amor just wash your dish then you can head off to sleep and i will wake you up" she said giving you a smile. You had climbed into bed this time the sheets felt a lot more comforting and your bed felt so much warmer you had fell asleep with ease. Alexia had came up to check on you but as she peeked her head through the door she found you passed out asleep and she decided to let you sleep.

[mekakitsune]

Hiii! I loved reading your dating Mirage headcannons. I've been on a roll with simping and loving him That being said, I'd love HCs of how Mirage would act around his (major) crush on a newer Legend who is kind of oblivious to his care for them... so how do you think he'd act when they get hurt outside of a game?

Thank you so much if you fulfill this request! Your writing is truly admirable <33 take care of yourself and happy holidays!

thank you so much love, you are so kind! luv this request btw, i hope its want u wanted <3

cw: bloody nose mentioned quite a lot, elliot is a mess and so is reader..literally lol

mirage with a legend s/o;

pray for your squad mates. its painful to watch.

elliot is SO flirty with you in and out of the games, and ofc, you dont see it as anything unusual from the legend. hes like that with everyone....right?

makes it his own responsibility to keep you on your feet in battle, would probably leave someone else to die to come help you.

yeahhh renee was not happy with him after that one

definitely a bet going around to see if elliot will actually spill his feelings. its become quiet the conversation starter among everyone.

-

you were training one day, something you all did regularly to stay on top of your game

and it can get pretty intense sometimes. but you all know your limits, thats why you called it quits with a bloody nose and a sore back after sparring with kairi.

she was spewing apologizes left and right, and you reassured her it was all in good fun, and that you were okay.

just as she holds out her hand to help you up, the door to the training room opens, and in comes elliot, ajay and octane not far behind him, in their own conversation.

to say elliot reacted immediately would be an understatement, by his reaction you would think you were sitting here being held at knife point.

"what the hell happened in here! we heard yelling... y/n?! youre bleeding?" he rambled on, not really giving either of you a chance to explain yourselves.

kairi steps aside for a moment only to come back with a small white box in her hand. a first aid kit. god knows how long thats been in here.

she passes the kit to elliot, giving a small grin and says "their all yours." with a pat on the back, before following the other two out the door, she turns back to you to mouth "sorry" with a wink. surely she hadnt...planned that.

it was painfully quiet in the room after that. elliot sits on the floor in front of you, opening up the small box to retrieve some gauze.

he hands it to you to place under your nose, and you take it quickly, not wanting to ruin the gym floor or your clothing any further.

hes quiet again, and you look past your hand to see him staring at you.

"she got you good, huh?" he said, with what could only be described as a pout.

"its just a bloody nose elliot...im gonna be okay." you said lightly, trying to ease the tension. he grins and shakes his head

"i know that. it...it just freaks me out to see people i care about get hurt, yknow." he said looking away

you let out a small laugh at his statement. "aw..you care about me? what happened to "dont get close to anyone"? you reminded him of what he said to you when you first came to the base.

while his advice rang true in a place like this, you couldnt help but share his feelings.

"you have...no idea" he said softly, looking at you again. you are only now realizing how close you two are, his face mere inches away from your own.

a few more moments go by, and he finally breaks the silence again.

"can i say something?" he askes, sounding nervous.

"of course" you respond curiously.

"i really want to um...i really want to kiss you right now..." he said, cheeks flushed. "i mean only if you want to i dont want to ma-"

you cut him off with a laugh. he looks horrified honestly and it only makes you giggle even more.

"normally, id say go for it. but im kinda bleeding from my nose right now" you giggled as you watched his face turn even redder.

"yeah! yeah right...i knew that....obviously....whatever, lets go get that cleaned up yeah?" he said, obviously trying to change the subject. you giggled again and got up to follow him out of the gym.

"hey elliot?"

"..yeah?" he turned to you

you stood up a little bit taller to place a kiss on his cheek. stepping back you take in the shocked look on his face

"thats for helping me, and if you really wanna kiss me, wait till im not a bloody mess, yeah?" you grinned at him.

he groaned, turning around to walk out, but you knew he wanted you to follow him.

"i hope you realize what you do to me." he says to you with a grin. "but i will take you up on that...if its okay" hes still unsure. you take that as a sign to slip your hand into his.

"if it wasnt okay, i wouldnt be letting you waste your time on something like a bloody nose yknow" you laughed lightly, hoping to ease both yours and his nerves.

"cant have you like, bleeding out to death." he remarks, keeping his hand in yours. you laugh at his comment.

"wouldnt wanna let me die without that kiss huh?"

he groans again, but you dont miss the shy smile on his face.

[aroace-cat-lady]

Do you like talking about your interests? Because i will like to know what is that ty and kit thing I don’t understand JSJSJS

🙈🙈🙈

I've never feel the need to use this emoji until now, cuz... yeah i do like talk about my interest. And like. Kit and Ty have a really special place in my heart, mind and soul.

I'll tell you all about them, but first things first: HIIII im juliet (or jules what ever you prefer) nice to meet you and thank you for asking me about the one thing i consider MY thing.

So... Kit and Ty. They're characters from my favorite book series, the shadowhunter chronicles. To be clear, Kit Herondale is my favorite character of all times. And Ty Blackthorn is just amazing in every single way.

I dont know if you've heared about TSC, but are tons of books. Like, its a saga of sagas. We have the original series (TMI), two precuels (TID and TLH), a sequel (TDA) and one more to go (TWP). In TDA, Kit and Ty are introduced. And at first they are present as a cute, wholesome, friends to lovers with potencial slow burn (a perfect combo for a lovequeer aroace romo abvivalent like me, tbh).

But. The worst thing that could've happen, happens. And then more shit keeps happening. I dont want to go to deep into the plot (this would last forever otherwise) but Ty lost someone, and is willing to do everything to bring them back. In TSC, necromancy is forbbiden magic. Playing with it means play with the natural order of things, and when Ty perform the resurection ritual bad. things. happen.

In TDA, we only have Kit's POV, so we dont actually know what was going thru Ty's mind. But they both say really hurtfull things to each other and TDA ends with Kit accepting be adopted by a new family just to get away from Ty and running the hell out of the country.

They're suppost to meet again at the beginning of TWP (the next and last series), that happens three years after TDA. Cassandra Clare (the autor) have said that they barrely interact in those three years, so it'll have to get to know each other all over again.

So... currently, Cassie is posting installments weekly as part as a proyect called Secrets of Blackthorn Hall. It's telled with postcards, letters and diary entries. And today's sobh was a single picture of Ty and Kit standing uncomforable in the same room. So the whole fandom is losing it and its been the only thing i've been anble to think about today.

Again, thank you so much for asking. And sorry for the ramble. Its just i love them so much i cant stop talking about it.

[curious-menace]

Can you do headcanons of any Riddler getting cared for and gentle kisses from reader after getting beat up? He needs some loves.

SO I MAY HAVE SUGGESTED THAT MY ULTIMATE FANTASY IS TO GIVE RIDDLER A HUG WITH BACKRUBS AS HE TELLS ME ABOUT HIS DAY AND I STAND BY THAT WHOLE-HEARTEDLY .

i freaking love this stuff so im going to do all of them mwahahah

post asswoop riddlers getting loves

Arkham riddler

He’s VERY quiet, which knowing him and his inability to stop talking, is  bad news.

I paint arkham riddler as a cry baby and i stand by that. this is the hill i will die on. He’ll have dragged his sorry ass into your apartment or house , dripping blood on your floors but he wont bother calling for you. he’ll just sit at the table with his head in his hands having a lil pity party until you find him.

when you do finally get home, he’ll be looking like a kicked puppy. he’s gotten stuck in his own head, mentally beating himself up even more. he got a fright when you came in because he was so caught up he didn't even hear you at the door.

He’s literally sits there like a child with his arms up for you to come scoop him up. he’s not even sure why his first thought after getting beat up was to come here, he’s probably lead the cops here or something and that was so stupid and- you should probably give him a lil soft smooch on the head to stop him before he goes into a spiral.

he needs more emotional and mental care than physical. Talk to him while you're patching him up. any topic, it doesn't matter just keep him focused on your voice and not the one in his head calling him dumb.

he wont admit he wants to be held and coddled after something like this. get your softest blankie and 2 mugs of coco with marshmallows and just ramble at him. tell him about your day or ask him to explain something boring and complicated so he’s focusing on that rather than how upset he is. let him sit on your lap or between your legs on the sofa and watch how its made or mythbusters or something until he falls asleep. he should be ok again in the morning, he doesnt stay down for long. 

Blacklight Riddler

He’s used to getting his ass kicked, either by batman, the other rogues or once he’s a PI, by unhappy clients and the people he put away. He might be tiny but he’s pretty tough. 

even if he’s really hurting, his probably trying to crack jokes and tell blood and bruise related riddles. He doesn't like to see you worry so even if he’s in a lot of pain or a bit upset about things, he’s trying to make you smile.

he likes kisses on his bruises. even if he just banged his hand on the table he’ll come to you because he wants you to kiss it better. 

He’s a decent fighter, unlike a lot of riddlers who couldnt fight their way out of a paper bag. He can throw punches but he lacks in defence and with his bad knee, dodging can be a little hard. even if he wins the fight he’s still likely to need you to patch him up.

He likes kids plasters. like hello kitty and spongebob. no im not joking, he ALWAYS wanted them when he was little and his parents always said no. now he’s an adult he’s going to use them whenever he damn well pleases.

 if it was a particularly bad one, he’ll be ok in the moment even if he has to go to hospital. But he’s going to drop the facade at some point and let you see how upset he is. winding up in hospital after being beat was a common occurrence in childhood. even after doing it time and time again as an adult it doesn't make it any easier on him. he’ll want to stay in your bed, be close to you for few days until either he starts to heal or something snaps him out of his funk.

BTAS Riddler

he really prefers other people to do the fighting for him. well physically anyway. he can handle his own arguments...most of the time. He’s going to need you to nurse a bruised ego more than anything. he probably got dunked on my batman or crane and now he’s huffing.

i don't know if this counts as care and kisses but he clearly needs you around to keep his sorry ass alive. he hurt his side in a fight once and said he wasn't hurt. believable... until he started to act a little confused, a little dizzy. needless to say it worried you enough to take him to emergency care. 

He was obviously in agony by now but he was still fighting with you the entire drive there, insulting you and insisting he was fine. its a good job you took him when he did, turns out he’d ruptured his spleen and would probably be dead if you weren’t around to act like his common sense.

he still hasnt apologised for that. or any of the other times you insisted on medical care to stop him from pushing up daisies. he just pretends like you know he’s grateful so he doenst have to admit he’s bullheaded, stubborn and worst of all, wrong. 

if he has been seriously hurt, he acts more indignant about it than anything. he wants to be waited on and pampered while resting in bed. he can be a genuine pain to deal with, talking about how lucky you are to see him in such a vulnerable state and how you should be grateful he’s letting you do this for him.

He doesn't want to admit how much he actually needs you. his goons wont put up with him when he’s like this and he’s freaking paying them to do it. you do it for free and no matter how annoying he is you havent left him yet. he doesn't tell you but youve noticed he starts getting you more gifts about a week after he’s recovered. like its taken him a day or two to work out he should probably thank you for all you do.

Original Riddler

this riddler is just weird. like he gets a freaking hang nail and he pretends like he’s dying. but he could nearly lose a limb and he’ll say “tis but a scratch” and still try to hobble about like nothing is wrong.

actually he’s more like olaf “oh look i've been impaled.”. he probably tries to laugh off life threatening injuries like its nothing, taking maybe 3 steps before he collapses on his face in a blood puddle and lets out a tiny “help”

good luck moving his tall lanky ass around. better get a gurney and maybe those vets at the zoo who deal with giraffes. seriously if you want to take care of him you are going to need help or some sort of action plan and a go bag because with his limp butt this will not be easy.

he’s kinda like BTAS riddler in that he needs you to tell him the injury is serious. hes not dumb he just has a high pain threshold and genuinely doesn't realise that injuries are as bad as they are. 

he can be a bit of a baby while being patched up. he doesn't like a lot of blood or gore, it makes him feel a little sicky. better give him your phone to play with like a kid at the doctors or put the tv on for him to watch while you bandage  him. word of warning, he will pass out or throw up if you try to give him stitches.

i think you should focus your love and attention on him AFTER medical care. just focus on the job, be silent and as fast as possible to get it over with quickly. you should probably bring him something sweet too. no not just you, although you are sweet for looking after him. give him something sugary because he’s going to be light headed after seeing any blood. maybe you could give him a lolly for being a good patient. 

Telltale riddler

this riddler is essentially a metahuman. he can REALLY take a beating and bounce back fairly quickly. just look how many times batman punched him in the face and it barely stunned him! he doesnt usually need patched up after a fight. maybe just a lil smooch and some hugs

he did really need your help after the whole pact thing. having his friends abandon him hurt like hell, more than any physical injury ever could.

after that, he clings to you. almost obsessively so; we know he’s got some serious mental illnesses but he usually has the worst of it under control, even without meds. now? it seems like he’s experiencing ptsd and is afraid to go anywhere without you, like you might up and disappear if you arent in his line of sight at all times.

i think this riddler might need the most intense care from you. hugs and gentle reassurance wont be enough. you’re going to be responsible for taking him to therapy, keeping him taking his meds and grounding him to reality. this is the kind of responsibility you took on when you got involved with him but i doubt you realised how hard it would be. i cant promise it will all be worth it but i can promise he wont ever forget your kindness.

the kind of care he needs after such a hard knocking down is just stability. im not one for romance or any mushy gushy stuff but please just pour your love into the cracks in this poor mans soul.

its hard going, but he has his moments. his gallows sense of humor is still there and hey, after him being in and out and gone for so long, it might be nice to have him around more.  

Zero year riddler

INSUFFERABLE LITTLE SHIT THIS ONE. he could LITERALLY be bleeding out in your arms and he’d STILL be backseat driving on your medical skills. the temptation to just leave him there to bleed is INCREDIBLE.

he’ll drop the act eventually. he’ll ask and maybe even beg for your help. man has  no shame and all the self preservation instincts of a lemming. dont get me wrong, he can be a total coward some times, only looking out for himself . but when he’s actually hurt ? not a fuckin clue. does this head wound need an ice pack or heat pack? is this spurring blood wound worthy of medical care? no idea. he was a very sheltered child who never got so much as a bruise so he has no idea what to do when he’s hurt.

he gets the everloving shit kicked out of him on a clockwork basis. like you could hear knocking on your door at 3 am and already be at the table with a first aid kit like oh its tuesday riddler must have broken his nose.

he takes entirely too much joy in making you patch him up. youre starting to wonder if he’s doing it on purpose just to see you in your little apron and latex gloves . he’s getting off on this and you know it but god help you, you just  cant resist his dumb face asking for your help and would you also wear this pink nurses outfit while youre at it?

one time he lost a LOT of blood. he would be fine but he was pretty damn loopy from lightheadedness. while you were trying to get him into bed to rest he started flirting with you. can you believe the audacity? he’s lost 3 pints of blood and he’s still more focus on his libido? 

he’s actually going to be both humble and grateful for your help when he finally comes round. dont get me wrong, he’s still a bit of a prick but at least he says thank you for saving him before he demands you kiss all his booboos and ouchies. 

nonnie i am having a stroke. i was trying SO hard to just pick one but i COULDNT because i am WEAK for hurt and comfort.

theres a reason i have a tag that literally says “i have naughty hands and no self control”

someone needs to stage an intervention

got something you wana talk about? send me an ask or a dm! im always game to talk about our favorite curious menace 💚💜

[thechangeling]

Enough.

So a while ago I made a headcannon post about Ty's sexuality and the autistic exploration of sex and sexual desire. I have now written a fic about it. This ones for Alex @bedspells my very own Alyssa. Also side note I want to make it clear that yes, I still ship kitty 100%. But I've seen plenty of people write fics and headcannons about Kit exploring things with other people. There's no reason why Ty can't do the same.

Edit: Ok a long time ago this fic actually got a hate comment on Ao3 saying that I was erasing Ty's sexuality by having him hook up with a girl because he was cannonly gay due to a tweet CC made in 2013. Now I don't even have twitter and I wasn't a part of the fandom back then. Despite all of that I actually don't really consider that to be the basis of canon? And in the books he doesn't really express interest in anyone except for Kit. So as far as I'm concerned this was fair game. Not to mention gay people sometimes experiment before they realize they're gay. Especially autistic people!! And that was actually kind of the point of this fic. So maybe just keep that in mind going forward. Thanks!

Tw for mentions and discussions of sex.

Ty could count the instances he hadn't been bothered by another person's touch on one hand. This was certainly one of them. It was so late into the night it could certainly be considered the next morning. Anush, Ty and Alyssa had been doing research on Livvy and the effect she seemed to be having on a serge of demonic activity in the area.

Ty was fairly stressed about the possibility to say the least. It felt like everything was spilling away from him. Livvy, his family, his career.

Kit.

He really didn't want to think about Kit but it was difficult. It was like trying to ignore a bleeding wound that everyone kept referring to as a paper cut.

The shining lights in all of this were Anush and Alyssa. Befriending both of them had been the best part of coming to the scholomance.

Especially Alyssa.

Meeting someone who shared some of his thoughts, feelings and experiences was more then refreshing. It was liberating. Talking, laughing and crying with Alyssa about the things that no one else would understand was like a balm for Ty's soul.

At a certain point Anush had announced that he was retiring to bed and they should both probably do the same. Livvy was still floating around the room observing their work. But as time went on Ty had stopped paying as much attention to her. Now he was resting against Alyssa with his head in her lap. She was sitting on the couch in the library, carefully running her fingers through his hair and rambling on about something, Ty wasn't exactly sure what.

Ty reached up to wrap a lock of her long dark hair around his finger, then watched it spring back into place again. Alyssa's hair was wavy but not curly like- like some peoples. So it didn't spring and bounce very well. That was the interesting thing about Ali in general. So many parts of her dress and appearance were so neat and polished and well put together that Ty almost wondered what it would be like to see her more disheveled. What would it be like to grab and twist and pull until she was left with something that wasn't glossy perfect waves.

Ty panicked a little at that thought. Where exactly had that come from? He was now more then ever painfully aware of the fact that he was lying in an attractive person's lap. And his sister was still in the same room.

Ty looked up to search for Livvy but realized that she was gone. Guiltily he realized she could have been gone for awhile now. But he hadn't noticed. Lately he had been feeling further and further away from his twin and he hated it.

"Do you think stars have feelings?" Alyssa asked wistfully. Ty laughed joyfully, feeling so light and and so far away from every bad thing that had happened three years ago.

"Because I was just thinking," she continued. "Like, what if they're lonley you know?" Ty had to smile at the Alyssa charm of it all. Also the autistic perspective might have had something to do with it.

"I don't know," Ty said, sitting up. "Maybe they're like us. Maybe they like being alone." Alyssa pondered this for awhile.

"Well no one can be alone forever," she pointed out, then laughed, rolling her eyes. "God how did we get here? Remember when we were supposed to be doing actual work Ty?"

"Well we were stupid to think that would last," Ty announced matter of factly. Alyssa shrugged and leaned back against the sofa.

"Probably. Once the neurotypical left it was all downhill from there."

"I disagree, Ty said softly, meeting her gaze. "I enjoy spending time with you." Alyssa instantly smiled, the kind of beautiful, honest, heartfelt smile that allistic people wrote poetry about.

Instantly Ty was reminded of someone else, another brilliant smile.

He shook it off.

"Me too," Alyssa finally answered. Then she shook her head. "Ugh feelings. Gross."

Ty rolled his eyes at her and laughed.

Then Alyssa sat up again as she seemed to remember something. "Oh yeah I meant to ask you about Anush. Do you like him?"

Ty shrugged. "Yeah he's really nice. He's become a good friend."

Alyssa shook her head. "No, no Ty, I mean-" She paused. "I mean do you like him like you wanna date him? Or do you have romantic feelings for him?" She asked.

Ty paused. He honestly wasn't sure. He had been trying to avoid thoughts of those types of feelings for a very specific reason. A Herondale reason. But the truth was he did like really like Anush. He enjoyed being around him. Ty just wasn't sure what that meant.

"I'm not sure," he answered honestly. "Maybe." Alyssa fiddled with her hair, rubbing it between her fingers.

"Hmm. Well do you even like boys?" She asked. "I just realised I've known you for five months now and I dont really know what your deal is," she said contemplating. "Like sexual orientation wise. I mean not that it matters, it totally doesn't," she stammered.

Ty shrugged. "It was never really relevant before. But I'm not really sure. I guess I'm fine with whatever." Alyssa beamed.

"So I guess that means you're kinda like me huh? She said happily. "I'm pansexual. Women are so beautiful and angelic and soft and squishy and awesome, but men can be good too," she mused. "I mean men are......men, but some of them aren't so bad. I mean look at you!" Alyssa tossed her hair back over her shoulder.

"Thanks," Ty responded dryly.

"Anyways you know what I mean," Alyssa waved her hand. "So are you attracted to him at least?" Ty sighed.

"Yeah I am," he admitted. "But I don't- I don't want a relationship Ali. I just can't."

Alyssa studied him for a moment. "Does this have anything to do with the Herondale pendent you wear that you always tell me never to ask questions about?"

Ty scowled. "Yes, but I don't want to talk about it." Alyssa rolled her eyes and put her hands up in surrender.

"Fucking shit fuck! Fine!" She complained. "Anyways, my point is you dont need to date him neccesarily. Just have sex with him and see how you feel?"

Ty sat up and faced her. "What?"

Alyssa laughed. "You heard me. There's nothing wrong with causal sex between consenting adults. I mean, if you want to."

Ty felt the urge to stand up to try and aliviate some of the anxiety he was feeling, but he stayed sitting.

"I've never done it before," he admitted. Ty was 19, he knew most of the people his age had already had some sort of sexual experience. But he had always been too afraid. Too afraid of people touching him and demanding things from him with harsh vague bullshit. In Ty's mind it was just another social interaction that he could screw up and then pay the price for it.

Alyssa shrugged. "It's no big deal. Virginity is just a social construct anyways." Alyssa was playing with her hair casually and biting her lip slightly, to indicate that she was mulling something over.

Ty shook his head trying to explain it. "No, it's- I mean see, you say that, but, one of the things I've learned about this world is that social constructs kind of matter to a lot of people." Ty was taping his fingers against his leg and trying to stop himself from shaking. Alyssa noticed this.

"Because people tell you that's it's no big deal and not to worry, and then other people make it into a big deal like it means something, and then everyone's telling you to do something different," Ty explained with a panicked, rushed voice. "I don't know who you listen to, or what to do!" He was moving his hands frantically while he spoke to emphasize his points.

"Hey it's ok," she cooed, inching towards him. "Trust yourself. Or if you feel like you can't, then trust me." Ty felt a pang in his chest. A cacophony of conflicting emotions erupted within him. But mostly he found that despite his better judgement he actually believed her.

They had created something different between the two of them. Something that almost transcended labels or rules or traditional allistic boundaries. Alyssa was like the armor he put on every morning, with the strength and confidence that he wasn't alone in this world. In the midst of all of their jokes and late night heartbreaking conversations. In the midst of this fragile peace they had created, there was something there. Something indescribable.

Something like the sound of the page being turned in one of his Sherlock novels, or the sound of their favourite songs. A connection. A lifeline.

Ty looked over at Alyssa's concerned face and smiled softly. "I trust you," he promised. "I don't really trust many people, but I've always trusted you," he admitted. Alyssa inhaled sharply. She made an interesting facial expression that might have been a facial stim and then gaped for awhile before finally closing her mouth and avoiding Ty's gaze.

"Yeah that's cool. I trust you too," she said casually. She had gone back to pulling at her poor hair which was shedding everywhere. Anush always joked that he could always tell where Alyssa was by following the trail of hair.

"So, about the whole sex thing," she continued rather unceremoniously. Ty had to laugh a little. "Do you think it's something you're actually interested in? Or do you just feel like you have to?" She asked.

Ty pondered this for a moment. "I think I might want to. I just want to be with someone that I trust. Someone who will be considerate of my boundries, you know?" Ty did a quick glance around the room to make sure Livvy was still gone.

"Wait she's not here right?" Alyssa asked anxiously, catching on. Ty shook his head.

Alyssa paused for a moment, looking lost in thought. She was flicking her fingernails against each other and continuing to murder her bottom lip by chewing on it. Finally she looked up at him, looking rather amused.

"Ok. This might just be the exhaustion talking, or the autism, or a combination of both. So if you feel uncomfortable with what I'm about to say, then afterwards we can just forget it ok?" Alyssa sounded serious. Ty just nodded, trying not to be concerned.

Alyssa gave him an interesting look, one that he was pretty sure he had never recieved before. Her eyes scanned him up and down, then she smirked.

"I could potentially offer my services," she said innocently. Ty blinked a few times, then continued to stare at her. She stared back unflinching.

Wait. What?

Ty shook his head in confusion. "Hold on. Wait. You mean-?" He cut himself off. Alyssa nodded with that same smirk. "Yeah I mean why not right?" She shrugged, relaxing back against the sofa. "But if you dont want to then that's totally fine."

"Wait." Ty attempted to clear his head and stay focused. He stayed frozen for awhile, thinking. Then he folded his arms around himself, applying pressure. "Why exactly?"

Alyssa shrugged again. "Well why not? You're hot. I'm hot, and besides you know me," she pointed out. She paused, and then giggled.

"Four hours into investigating the paranormal phenomenon of his dead twin sister and chill, then she offers to take his virginity," she cackled. "I so enjoy our quality time together."

"The way your mind works really concerns me sometimes, you know that?" He asked playfully. Alyssa rolled her eyes at him and shoved him gently.

"Hey you don't have to, it was just an idea," she said, raising her hands in defense. Ty was silent. He was still thinking about it.

"Most people don't really do stuff like this right?" He asked warily. "Like most friends don't just randomly hook up and then laugh it off later."

Alyssa shook her head slowly. "Honey do you see me laughing?"

Ty was conflicted. There was something in him, a new, complicated feeling. A burning desire that nagged at the back of his mind everytime Alyssa bit her lip or pouted.

If he was really honest with himself. Ty could remember another time when he felt this way. But that was different, that was-.

He shook his head. No. Ty wasn't thinking about that anymore. He needed a distraction.

"God I can practically hear you thinking over here Ty," Alyssa teased. "Listen. If it freaks you out to much then we can forget about it. But-." She paused and reached towards him. Their fingertips met and she slowly dragged her fingertips down the top of Ty's hand.

"I want to do this for you because I care about you," she said solemnly. "I want make you feel good. Because you're special, and I dont mean that in the bullshit ableist way. I mean I think that you're special because you have such a big heart and you care so much," she said with a laugh.

Ty felt like he was about to cry. He was taking in long deep breaths trying not to get overwhelmed. He didnt know how to respond to this, this kind of attention and praise. His heart felt warm and tight absorbed in so much fondness and melancholy and regret all at once.

He knew this wasn't anything like what had happened that day on the beach. This wasn't that kind of love that he was feeling for Alyssa and that was a good thing. Romantic love, he decided, was too complicated.

"You deserve good things and good experiences. You deserve to have your first time be somewhere familiar. Somewhere you feel safe, and with someone who loves you." Alyssa wiped her eyes on the back of her hand.

"God sorry for getting all emotional like that," she joked.

Ty couldn't speak, so he just squeezed her hand. He hoped she would understand.

I love you too.

Ty took a breath, then nodded. "Yeah," he admitted. "Yeah I want that. I want you."

Alyssa exhaled, then grinned. "Ok then. Great. I'll see if I can pencil you in sometime this week," she joked. Ty cocked his head to the side in confusion.

"Oh," he murmered, suprised with how disappointed he felt. "You mean later?" Alyssa laughed.

"Well yeah, I mean aren't you tired?"

"Are you?" Ty countered.

Alyssa shrugged. "Hey you know how it is, autistic sleep cycle. I'm gonna be up for awhile. I just figured you might want some time to think."

Ty shook his head. "No I don't want to think anymore. I'm tired of thinking Ali. I'm tired of worrying and overanalyzing everything." His eyes met hers, she seemed a little worried.

She moved closer to him so that she was practically in his lap. "You need a distraction," she said matter of factly. "It's ok." She moved her hands from his arms to grasp his waist.

"Is this good?"

Ty flinched. "More pressure," he replied in a tone that was hopefully not too demanding. Alyssa pressed her fingertips down harder into his skin. A soothing feeling washed over him.

"Good?" She asked, scratching his skin with her fingernails. Ty just nodded, feeling slightly dazed.

Alyssa smiled, lowering herself gracefully into his lap. Everything she did was with precision and grace. Alyssa was a dancer. It was one of her special interests. She had stopped taking lessons a long time ago though because she found it challenging to dance in a group.

She could never copy what everyone else was doing exactly on count when she was supposed to. She was always going off and improvising on her own. There was probably a metaphor in there somewhere.

Alyssa's weight against him was comforting. She was moving her hands up and down his back underneath his shirt while still applying pressure. Ty felt heat beginning to pool in the base of his stomach. He stared at her curiously, taking in her soft curves and her smooth golden skin.

"Can I touch you?" Ty asked, feeling his fingers twitch.

Alyssa moved her hands to his chest. "Sure." She said softly. "Just be careful. Remember pressure and all of that, and try to avoid my stomach area. For some reason it's really sensitive." Ty nodded, instantly reaching for her long wavy dark hair and twisting his fingers around it, pulling slightly. She laughed.

This drew Ty's attention to her mouth. Her lips were cracked and rough looking from Alyssa constantly biting them, but Ty still wanted to kiss her. He had never kissed anyone before. He needed to know what it felt like.

He moved his hands to her shoulders and then to her sides, pulling Alyssa even closer. "Can you teach me how to kiss?" He asked looking her in the eye briefly. She snorted.

"I don't think you'll like it very much," she murmered. "It's not really a good sensory experience. At least not for me. Allistic people seem to like it though."

Ty nodded. "Exactly that's my point," he said, using one hand to cradle the side of her neck. "I need to learn for other people later on." He absentmindedly pressed his thumb into one of the divots in her neck, just to fill the space. Alyssa sighed and dug her fingernails into his chest.

"Ok fine but you're gonna hate the tounge thing," she breathed. She leaned down very slowly and then carefully pressed her lips to Ty's, kissing him softly.

It was a weird sensation but not entirely unpleasant. Ty happily slid his hands back into her hair and began to fiddle with a few thick pieces. Alyssa moved her own hands up his chest to cradle her face, applying pressure with thumbs against his cheekbones.

Alyssa deepened the kiss and slid her tounge into his mouth. Instantly Ty winced and felt every cell in his body seize up. But he didn't stop. He was determined to figure this out. If he wanted to kiss someone who wasn't autistic in the future then he would need to. Ty relaxed his body and kissed her back forcefully, making out with Alyssa until the uncomfortable noise in his head was too much and he broke the kiss.

Ty shook his head and Ali laughed, stroking his hair. "I fucking told you so," she exclaimed. Ty shut his eyes and allowed his breathing to return to normal.

"Ok so that's something we can forget about for now, thank god. The beauty of this whole situation is that we dont have to follow any allistic script for this sort of thing." Ty opened his eyes. Alyssa was watching him carefully, still only centimeters away from his face.

"So is there anything you want to do?" She asked him. "Just tell me and I'll see if we can make it happen."

Ty saw no need to maintain any sort of filter. "Well there are a lot of things actually, but for some reason I really want to bite you," he said pointedly, glancing down at her neck. Alyssa burst out laughing, nearly falling over.

Ty glared at her. "I'm sorry," she gasped breathlessly. "I'm sorry it's just,-," she regained her composure, shaking her head. "I just love how we all used to be the weird kids who growled and hissed at people on the playground if they bothered us and now as adults we're just super kinky. Like it's kind of poetic in a way," she laughed.

Ty rolled his eyes. There was no need to ask what she meant by we. When Alyssa said we, it only referred to one thing.

"I'm sure it's not absolutely every autistic person," he protested. "Also we should move, on account of the fact that this is still a public setting." Alysza's eyes widened as if she had just remembered that.

"Oh right. Shit, as if these people needed any more reasons to hate me. Let's go!" She rolled off of Ty and stood in front if him, holding out her hand. "We can use my room." Ty stayed sitting, taking a moment to fully absorb it all.

He couldn't help but feel the weight of the Herondale pendent against his chest as a heavy reminder. He willed himself not to get distracted. Alyssa smiled at him slightly, almost as if she knew.

"Enough," she said softly.

Ty didn't know what to say to that. He wasn't even sure if their was anything he wanted say. Then finally he understood.

"Enough," he echoed back.

He took her outstretched hand and let her take him away.

@ti-bae-rius @eutony-in-whisper @dianasarrow @dianasarrow @stxr-thxif @talia-lightwood @doitforthecarstairs @thelandunderthehilll @zfoxdraws @waterlillies

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

do you have a curtis fic with the tenderly wiping the blood off? because if not can i request one? but if you don’t have could i have it with chris or ari? or curtis is fine but you know my love for ari haha sorry i’m just rambling now😂💕

Trust Me

A/N- I really liked how this one came out, so it gets a title. No real warnings. Thanks for sending this in babes! I did Ari cause well, I havent yet written for him and I know you love him. Thank You @official-and-unstable-satan for reading over what I had last night and giving it a thumbs up. Love you babes. 

Red Sea Diving Resort, 70 kilometers from Port Sudan

You paced by the radio, it was silent. So silent, you just wished it would cackle and Sammy would come over in that garbled sound all radios make, letting them know they were successful, on there way back to the resort. But nothing. Occasionally Ethans voice would break through, making you jump in anticipation each time. He would ask for an answer, but there was nothing. Rachael hugged herself as she waited, nearby, ready to answer when needed.

“They will be okay Y/N, its not like Ari hasnt had them go radio silence before.”

You knew your friend was trying to assure you, but it was hard when your heart was wedged in your throat, waiting to bottom out. Here you and Sammy were similar, sometimes you thought the worst although you hoped for the best. How many times had Ari, cupped your face and made you look at him.

“Trust me Y/N” he would say.

Okay Ari, Im trusting you...

Then there was the cackle, and Sammys voice broke through. “On our way back, successful.” Both you and Rachael took relieved sighs and she answered right away. “Loud and Clear guys, see you soon.” You rubbed your face in relief and she came over to give you a squeeze around the shoulders. “Told you, its all gonna be good.”

Ari drove the truck with its ruined shocks, bouncing all over the road. It had been touch and go, but they managed to get the latest round of refugees out to safety in record time, and at the rate they were going, in just another week, they could be making this trip again.

“Can you slow it down?” Sammy asked, bouncing in his own seat, holding onto the ‘oh shit’ handle on the side. “Were not carrying refuges anymore if they stop us.”

Ari eased up. Barely, he was ready to get back to the resort, take some pain killers, crash for a couple good hours before going back to making more plans, and playing host to there current round of resort guests.

“I also wish you would let me look at where you cracked your head. Seriously Ari, only you man.”

Reaching up, he winced where his head clipped off the side of the trucks frame helping people climb out the back. It was a rushed moment, since Jake warned them that he saw headlights off in the distance, and they still had a truck full of people to get on the rafts. It wasnt his finest moment, but they got the job done and were able to hide the trucks off the beach. Once the armed men, no doubt some of Ahmed’s men, passed on by, they split out of there. Driving by moonlight till the beach was far off in the rear view. They got lucky, again.

Ari always seemed to get lucky, Sammy would sarcastically comment at times.

“Dont worry Sammy, Im fine. I will have Y/N take a look at it before we go to sleep.” Ari remarked, and his friend rolled his eyes and sighed in discouragement with his stubbornness. Ari continued on excitedly though. “It went pretty good I thought, considering they were patrolling. Everyone out, no one got injured. If we plan it right, we can go out next week, as long as Kabede can get them out of camp.”

Sammy wrinkled his brow, worry etching over his face. “You dont think thats pushing it a bit close? Ahmed is already suspicious as it is”

Ari smirked and looked over at Sam “Trust Me.”

Hours later the two trucks pulled up alongside of the resort, you and Rachael waiting just outside the main entrance to greet them back, also to find out about  why radio silence. Your hands wrung together and you blew out some hot air in a huff that fluffed your bangs. Rachael chuckled softly at your nerves and leaned in close to whisper to you. “See, its all good.” You smiled at her, an apology for your nerves, and went to greet the men.

Jake and Max came around, from one of the trucks with big grins on there faces.

“Like a charm Doll” Max said, slinging an arm around your shoulder. His good mood was infectious and you relaxed in his hold, your arm slinging around his waist with affection.

“So the radio silence was just for...?” You asked and from behind you, you heard Ari came up on your other side, carrying some of Sammys equipment, startling you. As big as Ari was, he was quiet. A skill he had picked up over the years of military training.

“There were patrols out, not far from us. We went entirely dark for a time while unloading, and had to hide the trucks.” You reached to take some of what he was carrying and caught sight of his face, near his temple was a line of dried blood, leading up to a nasty looking scrapped bruise.

Rachael caught sight of it to, wincing as she reached out to take the stuff from Ari. “Here, let me take that, and you should have Sam take a look at that.” Max collected what you had to, offering to help. Ari started to protest the two of them, when you gave him a gentle push to get him headed into the hotel.

“Shes right, come on.” you insisted, and he didnt fight you. Cutting through the lobby, the two of you skirted around the counter that was the check in, and headed into the employees only section. In the back rooms, Ari leaned lightly against the table watching you as you searched out the first aide kit. “Tomorrow Im going to go into the refuge camp, see if  Kabede is ready to bring the next group out, I know its soon, but if they can have to rescue boat back here by beginning of next week, we could start doing this alot faster.”

Ari continued on with what he was hoping for, and tidbits from tonight, while you sought through the bottom cupboard, and finally found the bright red cross case that was your first aide kit. Bringing it over to the table, and flipping it open, your ‘Mmhm’ sounding once in a while to show you were still listening, he reached over to grasp your wrist. “Y/N, whats wrong sweetheart?”

You glance at him while prepping a cloth to wipe away the blood and around the wound. “Ari... It sounds like it was a close call. If you all get caught, lets be real about this. They wont just throw you in some jail cell if your caught with truckloads of refugees.” You didnt mention the last part, the very first day you all arrived, there was an execution style killing going on right outside the window as he was negotiating just to get this place. That was a year and a half ago.

“What are you saying Y/N? You want us to stop? Were saving so many lives.”

Guilt crossed your face as you heard him, it was true. So far you all have managed to smuggle out hundreds of people, slowly emptying the refugee camps. But even in that there wasnt a end in sight. They would just keep coming, desperate and barely hanging onto the promise of freedom and safety.

“I know... I know... “ You say softly while he pulled out a chair and sat down on it so you could clean him up, thighs spreading so you could stand in close where you need to be, and tip his face slightly. “Just hearing how close they were tonight, you going radio silence. It scared me Ari. There is nothing we could do to save you guys.”

His hands moved to the back of your thighs, rubbing your tensed muscles through your pants and grasped lightly under the cheeks while you gently wiped at his cheek, the dried blood flaking off and making your way up the trail. “We have to be smart about this Ari, know when weve played our hand as much as we can without getting ourselves caught.”

Quiet for a time while you dabbed at his face softly, he finally spoke up. “Trust me Y/N, I know it. No one was more worried then I was that we were gonna be found. I drove like a fucking bat outta hell to put distance between us. I cant stop though, not right now... I wont. This works, what were doing works.”

And this was always how it was with Ari, forever will he put everyone else before himself. You knew this the day you agreed to join them on this mission, and to ask him to change? You knew he wouldnt give this up. Not for Sam, not for you, not for the family he left behind ages ago. It was a bitter pill to swallow at times, but at the same time, isnt that why you cared for him more then you should have, His selflessness?

So you set it aside for now, your fingers gentle as the trace over his bearded jawline to tilt his face further, and now careful clean up the actual cut. Its not as bad as it looked, and you change the subject. “How did this happen anyways?”

“Smashed it upside the back end helping people down. I was pulling myself up and clipped it.” Ari rolled his eyes at himself and you chuckled softly hearing it, brushing your fingers through his hair out of his eyes.

“Well fuck Ari, I apparently cant even leave you in the capable hands of Sammy to keep you out of trouble.” You tossed the cloth in the nearby sink now that he was cleaned up, and dabbed just a light amount of ointment on it to keep it clean. When you finished by rubbing your hands together quickly to clear away the rest of the ointment, he tightened his grip on your thighs and pulled one leg up, then the other to straddle him, wrapping one arm around your waist so you could brace back lightly against his arm.

“Not like you could keep me out of it either, dont worry Honey, we got this. We will stop when it gets to be to dangerous.” Your fingers brushed through his hair once more, giving it the lightest teasing tug before wrapping your arms around his neck, and giving him an doubtful smile. You knew it was a lie, he wouldnt. But right now this was another problem, another day, another worry for another time.  

Wrapping his free hand around the back of your neck and dragging you forward, his lips connecting with yours and the wild taste of sea salt, hints of nicotine, and something just him drew out a soft moan from you, a tip of the head and he was able to draw you in deeper till you were leaning in against his chest, and with a light bite, he drew away, his long fingers lightly pressing in against the back of your neck.

“Ive got you, trust me.”

You didnt want to, but deep down, you always did. 

tagging-  @jtargaryen18 @what-is-your-plan-today @p8tn0lish @stardancerluv @princess-evans-addict @patzammit

[jojos-stardew-adventure]

stars and stardrops

A/N: I’m honestly amazed i’m still sticking with this, thanks for being patient with my slow updates 🙏🏾

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chapter 6: post mines

first chapter <<last chapter | next chapter>>

Summary: you deal with the aftermath of running around in the minds, and you think about getting a new weapon

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Standing outside Giorno’s clinic, you go over what you would tell him. He didn’t seem like the snitching type but you haven't known him long enough to be sure.

You even tried to clean up some of the caked up slime off you beforehand, but you still looked a hot mess.

Caesar had pretty much demanded that you go to Giorno right away. So you had to put your much needed and wanted shower on hold and sneak here, praying you didn’t run into anyone along the way.

The hastily wrapped bandages Caesar did for you were sat loosely on your hand.

Just keep your face straight. Don’t pause when speaking. Easy-peasy.

When you enter the building you see a man with his hair styled in a particular way, sitting at the front desk.

“Hello--Woah, are you okay?”

You internally sigh in relief. Who were you kidding? You had no plan and were expecting Giorno to immediately connect the dots when he saw you. Maybe your luck was finally turning today.

“Uh well...no? I got kind of scratched up.” You raise your bandaged hand up.

The man looks skeptical but you couldn’t blame him. “Well if you come to the back, I can help fix you up?”

“Yea, thanks...”

You move toward the door and the man leads you into one of the patient rooms. You sit on the examination table hoping you wouldn’t dirty it too much. The nurse--at least that’s what you were assuming from the scrubs--pulls out a first aid kit.

“I’m Josuke Higashikata by the way.”

“Nice to meet you. Well this is a weird way to meet to be honest...I’m ____--sorry rambling…”

“It’s okay. I’m going to take the bandages off your hand now.” He begins unwrapping before he continues. “What did you cut your hand on?”

“Well…” Your voice trails off as you look off to the side.

“I just want to know if I should be worried about infection. We don’t want your hand to fall off or anything.”

Your eyes widen. “O-On a sword. I accidentally grabbed it too hard. It was kinda rusty too…”

As he cleans the wounds, Josuke asks you some more questions before reassuring that you should be okay.

After he wraps the huge cut on your hand, he moves on to the smaller ones on your body. It’s silent for a while before he speaks. "I don't really want to get in your business but why were you playing with a sword?"

"I wasn't playing with it! ….I was in the mines." You sigh. There was no reason to lie at this point.

Josuke arches a brow at you.

"Please dont tell Giorno,"  you laugh nervously.

"I won't,” He shrugs, shaking his head. “But he's probably going to figure it out eventually."

Especially since I ran into Fugo, Narancia, and Mista there--doesn’t mean I won’t try though.

You sigh, "Probably, but thanks anyways."

Your gaze moves upwards, away from his face. Josuke was a very handsome man, but your eyes couldn't help going elsewhere.

"How did you do that?" You point at his immaculate styled hair.

His fingertips carefully brush against his hair, “Do what?”

“Style your hair like that. It looks really interesting.”

Josuke raises a brow. “You don't mean that in a bad way, right?”

“No, no, it's just interesting! I didn’t mean to be rude.”

He shakes his head slightly. “You’re good. I just jumped to conclusions.”

He finishes with the rest of your wounds and smiles at you. "Okay, you’re all set ____."

You jump off the examination table. “Thanks!”

When you're led back to the front, Josuke lets you off when you realize you don’t have any way to pay him.

“When you start producing crops, you can pay me back then,” he says with a joking lilt.

You think he’s only half joking though. But you don't really mind since he just patched you up.

When he offers you a piece of candy--which you excitedly accept--that solidifies Josuke’s place on your free first-crop list.

-----

Are you ready to start your initiation?

If you had known you would be expected to go back into the mine so soon, you would have stayed out of it like you were supposed to!

You had to politely take that offer for another day though as you'd had met enough slime monsters to last a month. Of course you didn't say that last part out loud. Maybe next week you’d venture into the mines again with Caesar in tow to proctor your test.

Or maybe in two weeks. Or three.

You get out of the shower, dry yourself off quickly, and change into a pair of jammies. It was a bit early for that, but you didn't plan on going out for the rest of the day--you didn’t want to get anymore dirt on you after just getting clean.

You flop on your bed, getting under your thick covers, but your thoughts prevent you from relaxing properly. If you were going to go back into the mines you would need a better sword at some point. The one you have right now seems a few hits away from crumbling.

Wait, why were you planning on going back into the mines?

Damn your curiosity.

Knowing yourself, you’d forget and end up floors deep in the mines with a broken rusty sword, so you decide right then that you need to get a new one ASAP.

You force yourself off the bed to look for your map. You’re pretty sure you saw ‘blacksmith’ labeled somewhere on it.

-----

Early in the morning, with your map in hand and a stomach full of cereal, you walk all the way to the blacksmith, which took much longer than you thought it would.

Not only was your destination almost all the way on the opposite side of town, the map gave you a false idea of how big the town actually was.

You pause at the entrance of the small, darkly colored building and wipe at your forehead. The back of your hand sheened and you silently hoped whoever ran the place didn’t mind sweat.

You push open the heavy door and walk into the building. The furnace across the room covers the area in a comfortable, warm glow. However there's no one here.

"Hello?" you half yell.

There's no reply, but then you hear noise from the back room before a giant man with white hair walks through the door.

You immediately get caught up in his eyes--ink black scleras with blood red irises.

"Do you need something?"

You jump a bit from the man's low voice and break eye contact. "S-Sorry. Um, do you like...do swords? Oh, I'm ____ by the way, the farmer," your voice wavers a bit at the end.

"If you mean make them, then yes."

"Okay, great! That means I didn't walk here for no reason...Is it going to be expensive? I mean it’s obviously not cheap but how expensive will it be?" You made some money fishing but you weren't rolling in it just yet.

“Well, I need to know what you need it for first.”

“I need it to fight...in the mines.” Bringing up the mines was starting to make you feel silly. “It doesn’t need to be anything fancy either, just sharp.”

The man considers you for a few seconds. “Okay.”

You stare, surprised he didn’t kick you out. Maybe he didn’t care.

“I’m assuming you don’t have the materials needed for it but I can make you something easy to wield that’s still on the cheaper side…”

When you hear the price you can’t help internally cringe but you were set on getting this weapon. Risotto must have noticed your hesitation though.

“You won’t have to pay it all at once.” He smirks a bit. “Payment plans are a thing you know.”

“I know that!” You cross your arms but are secretly relieved that you wouldn’t be spending a huge chunk of your savings all at once.

“Thank you--Wait I forgot to get your name?”

A moment passes before he answers, nothing in particular showing on his face. “Risotto.”

You grin. “Well thanks, Risotto.”

------

“What happened to your hand?” Abbacchio asks you. He had been eyeing it for the past 10 minutes.

You could just fess up but you knew a reprimanding would come with it and you weren’t in the mood. Future you could deal with it. "Just cut my hand on the farm. It’s nothing serious."

Bruno's face seems neutral but you have a feeling he wasn't buying it. You smile crookedly however and try to change the subject.

“Did you guys know some of my plants finally sprouted! I hope you guys like beans…”

Abbacchio gives you an annoyed look but doesn’t push any further.

[autisticmob]

HELLO everyone i am now ten days out from my tiddy surgery so i think while everything is still fresh-ish in my mind I should get a rough timeline of how things went for me, just so anyone having similar stuff done in the future can have it as reference?? 

so under the cut is how shit went down, warning we are gonna be tmi about it for Max Information Dissemination, i will be talking about IV placement, Needles, Bleeding, Bruising, Bathroom Stuff In General, etc. so like. Be Warned.

OKAY SO what did i have done and how did i get it:

- i got a bilateral breast reduction with a “T,” “keyhole,” or “anchor-shaped” incision. this procedure, unlike double-incision top surgery, does not detach your nipples at all, but it DOES leave a decent hunk of breast tissue behind to avoid the nip graft. this connecting tissue keeps your nip attached and supplied with enough blood to survive. that means with this one, theres basically a limit to how much they can take off, and it depends on how big you are to start off with. 

- i went with the T-incisions because as a NB person, I wanted to sidestep the “gender-confirming surgery” route with my insurance. technically, I believe it would have been covered if i had gone through the process of talking to a therapist and getting a note that the surgery WOULD help confirm my gender, but i suspect it would have taken much longer, and I was afraid that my doctor and community resources would not have ended up approving me FOR the surgery since I don’t exactly fit the typical trans narrative. and luckily for me i had Massive, Spine-Bending G Cup Tiddies to contend with. so every doc that took a look at me said “yeah, you need those taken care of for medical reasons.” so i thought hey, let’s see how far this will get me!

- i talked to my primary care doc about my back pain and mentioned i’d like to look into a breast reduction, and she referred me to a local surgeon who could do the procedure. at the time i was still entertaining the idea of double-incision, but as it turned out, this surgeon just didnt do that. but i knew for certain my insurance would cover him, his results were good, and he was local, so i said yes to the T-incisions, which he said would likely get me down from a G to at least a C. it wasnt my ideal scenario admittedly, but frankly the back pain was getting to be too much, and i needed it to be addressed sooner rather than later.

- i had a consultation with the surgeon in early december, and they took pictures and measurements to send to my insurance so they could confirm the tits WERE in fact Too Bomb To Live. Doc said that it varies between insurance companies, but most will have a minimum amount of tissue that needs to be taken off, in grams, from each breast. he was like, “your insurance needs at least 1000g total removed, which’ll leave you on the small side, is that cool?” and i was like “My Man, take AS MUCH as you possibly can, im sick of these” and he was like “cool, makes my job easy then.” 

- it took my insurance like 1.5 to 2 months to get back to me, but late january the surgery place called me and we set a date for february 5th, 2020!!

PRE-OP:

- before i went into surgery, the hospital made me go over my medical history with them over the phone, informed me of all the risks, and gave me a special scrub kit to shower with at home for the last 2 days before the surgery

- fun fact this soap will make your whole bathroom and body smell strongly and exactly like a hospital and it is gross as hell if you hate hospital smell

- i also had to go to my primary care doc to get the OK that i was healthy enough to go under general anesthesia, and also get some blood tests and a urinalysis done. i fucked up the urinalysis tho (which is a whole other story) so i had to redo that the morning of the surgery when i got to the hospital anyway. 

- when i scheduled my surgery they also gave me a list of things i had to NOT DO before i went in. this included stuff like avoiding herbal medications and non-prescription supplements and not drinking any alcohol for like 2 weeks prior to surgery, and not eating anything after midnight the night before surgery.

- then it was SURGERY DAY!!!

- i went in with uhhh a LOT of anxiety about what everything would entail, ngl. i knew i had to do it because staring down the barrel of life with tiddies forever was way scarier than surgery, but yknow whenever you go under general anesthesia they legally do have to let you know that you could die and thats just a lot to consider, PLUS the whole thing involves just, really mangling your torso so like. its a lot! its okay to be scared!

- both my parents went with me for moral support which i appreciated a lot, but i didnt actually see them much since they had to spend a lot of it in the waiting room.

- when i went back with the doc they had me Wash The Tiddy Off with some antiseptic and change into a gown. i got some grippy socks out of the deal which is probably not a universal experience, but this hospital did it so shoutout to them for the socks i guess

- then they asked me all my medical history stuff again and checked me for any like, rashes or open sores or anything. i had some Tit Zits but they did not seem to be worried about that.

- then the surgeon came in and drew lines on me for the incisions. bro when i saw how high up my nips were gonna be i was losing my damn mind. this is one of the really exciting parts, because you finally get to really visualize what your end size is gonna be!! 

- once he was satisfied with how everything looked, they started really Prepping Me For Surgery.

- they hooked me up to a blood pressure cuff, a heart monitor, and some compression leg thingies that would inflate and deflate intermittently around my calves to help me not get blood clots. this felt weird but tbh also like kind of a nice massage

- then the iv placement. bro im not lying when i tell you this is the worst part. the nurse numbed me with some lidocaine before placing the needle and let me tell you that shit HURTED. lidocaine Stings and Burns when it hits and this was arguably the most painful part. but the good news about that is it means nothing else after that is all that bad. and i got THREE lidocaine shots because these two nurses could NOT find my blood anywhere. they finally called in their ringer (an EMT named kirk, s/o to kirk) who got that sucker in my arm with NO numbing and NO pain in like, 2 fucking seconds. i pray you all have a kirk. kirk knows where your fucking blood is and hes not gonna fuck around getting to it because he JUST wrestled a drunk dude into an ambulance like an hour ago and compared to that this is nothing. kirk had sleeveless scrubs. im obsessed. anyway.

- then they put a plastic, inflatable, heated blanket over me? it was between two regular blankets so it wasnt as uncomfortable as you might imagine, but it was strange. warm tho so that was nice.

- THEN they wheeled my bed down to surgery. i was having so much anxiety at this point it was like... dreamlike. getting wheeled into the OR was just surreal. i was like, no thoughts head empty, just taking everything in.

- once i got there the surgical team was very cool about keeping me calm tho. they were playing their like, pump-up music and one of the guys was like “hey fyi about halfway thru the surgery we will be turning the lights off and having a rave, just in the interest of full disclosure. promise not to leave any glowsticks in there tho” and i was like what no i would LOVE glowstick tiddies

- i had to kinda roll from my bed onto the operating table, which was significantly harder and smaller. that kinda made things feel real, so i got a little more anxious at that point.

- to help me calm down they had me breathe in some straightup oxygen thru a mask while they hooked my iv to the fluids and such, and the guy was like “WHOA you got some lungs on you dude” and i was like yeah thanks im recovering from hyperventilating

- then they let the anesthesia into the iv, letting me know the whole time what was happening, talking to me until i was just OUT, which was not a lot of conversation time because i was out in like 5 seconds or less. they didnt make me count down or anything, but i promise you it was nigh instantaneous.

POST OP

- it really was instantaneous. i know everyone says that but it really is the truth, it feels like the whole thing takes seconds. like one moment youre laying there in the OR feeling the drugs Hit, and the next youre waking up in the little wake-up room feelin kinda groggy with a nurse talking to you, and youre still druggy so youre just rambling to her about how fucked your voice sounds right now and as soon as shes contented that youre basically lucid they start wheeling you to your room where youll ACTUALLY stay while you recover.

- THE THING I WAS THE LEAST PREPARED FOR WAS MY THROAT

- your throat will Hurt afterwards, but even more than that, you will be producing So Much Mucus. my surgery took about 2 hours and during that time, all my muscles were paralyzed by the anesthesia, including my lungs, so i was on a breathing tube. my throat, understandably, hated this, and started producing Gallons Of Fucking Mucus to protect itself. it then continued to do this for the next two days or so. the nurses were encouraging me to breathe deep and cough Hard to combat this, and avoid getting pneumonia, so i did. but THAT hurt the tiddies. it was really a vicious cycle. but its necessary because god if i had to have pneumonia on top of all the other recovery shit?? god. 0/10 wouldnt recommend. so it might hurt but dont worry your tiddies wont bust open or anything.

- i spent basically the rest of the day still hooked up to all the machines i listed earlier, PLUS a thing that would beep at me if my heart rate went too high, which it did a lot because i have anxiety, but luckily the nurses didnt seem too concerned. it really kept my breathing on track though because if i didnt breathe deep enough my heart would shoot up super fast and it’d beep and god that was just annoying and im pretty sure that was The Point. you kinda have to get used to breathing again, and the beeping trained me.

- they gave me like a bunch of crackers and a huge mug of water to work on at my leisure. i actually had lunch pretty quick after waking up? i know a lot of people have nausea issues from anesthesia but i didnt experience any of that. i DID move like a fucking sloth while i was eating tho. the pain meds and general grogginess of recovery slowed my whole body down sooooo much. my mom was actually like “are you okay??? like neurologically??????” and i was, totally, i was just. on slo-mo.

- anyway i didnt have to get catheterized for this procedure thankfully but they DID make me measure my pee every time i went to the bathroom. like i had to pee in a little bucket attached to the toilet and the nurse had to come check it every time and i felt really weird about that. so idk just be prepared for that i guess lmao

- also idk if it was the pain meds or the anesthesia itself but post-op, i couldnt shit for like a week. the constipation is real so get u some fucking laxatives asap when you get home, this is not a joke lmao

- they also had me put on a belt every time i got up so the nurse could hold onto me in case i decided to fucking biff it. they got me up a couple times throughout the day/night to walk up and down the hallway outside and get my body used to being upright again

- oh speaking of i never got to lie down completely flat, they had my bed locked at like a 30 degree angle minimum to help with... something. im not quite sure what, but im not gonna question it

- when i got up the next morning they had a couple nurses come in and help me un-bandage so i could shower and finally look at what the tiddies looked like for the first time!! and it was exciting but i didnt cry like i expected lmao i think i was too drained and too distracted by the bleeding

- the bleeding wasnt too bad actually, just little beads kinda coming out of parts of the incisions between the stitches. but once i got in the shower obviously stuff started getting diluted in the water and it looked like a lot more than there actually was, so dont be alarmed by that! 

- SHOWERING: its a little complicated. youre not supposed to soak the incisions, and youre not supposed to apply direct water pressure or actually touch them at this point. so what i had to do was get a washcloth wet and soapy (with antibacterial soap, i think it was hand soap honestly. hand soap’s what ive been using at home so........) and then just kinda. squeeze it at your collarbone and let it drip down over everything kinda minimally. its kind of a process but it works fine. washing your hair and like, tbh literally everything else is gonna be hard. reaching over your head is hard and scary at this point. i will admit my hair care Suffered the first week. 

- then i got bandaged back up and they got me back into my own clothes and ready to go home! they also put a bra on me over the bandages in my new size. i was only there for about 24 hours total, since i didnt really have any complications. 

- on the ride home i had to make sure the cross-chest part of the seat belt was NOT touching me. if whoevers driving you hits a pothole, your soul WILL exit your body tits-first for a moment. im sorry if you live somewhere like here in nebraska where the roads are garbage but its not gonna be fun.

ONCE YOU’RE HOME!!

- i live at home with my mom and sister and if you live alone, id try to have a friend basically move in for the first week. you will need Help with things. basic things. you’ll mostly want to sleep because of the pain meds but those made me pretty dizzy so it was cool having my mom around in case i like. fell on the way to the bathroom and died or anything like that.

- changing bandages is really kind of a 2-person affair too, and youll have to do it at least once a day post-shower, so keep that in mind. 

- the bleeding is like, not that bad after that first day honestly. i never had to change the bandages more than just the once per day. 

- basically from here the procedure is just to take it easy, get up every few hours and walk around a little to keep the blood clots at bay, and enjoy yr new silhouette basically

- worst thing about recovery honestly? im a stomach/side sleeper, and i cant manage anything other than laying flat on my back with my arms at my sides right now, and thats just like.... idk i really cant sleep like that. its not comfy. ive had to set up kind of a pillow fort around me to keep me from rolling over in my sleep bc im afraid i might hurt myself accidentally like that, but idk how well-founded that fear is.

- i will say as someone who did have back problems before this, the difference is IMMEDIATE. i literally had better posture like Day 1. im still a little hunched over because the stitches create a bit of tension in your chest, but like literally it was instantaneous. god. once i got healed to a point that i could like, kinda relax and not be so fucking tense all the time? back pain has basically just been GONE. 

- other fun things to notice: i had some pretty significant stretch marks before, and now they are running in a completely different direction. i crossed my arms over my chest the other day and they actually touched my torso for the first time in like, well over a decade. if i close my eyes and try to grab my tiddy from muscle memory, i stop like a full 3 inches from where my tit actually starts now. the size i am now, just like, freeballing it? this is how i looked when i wore a binder before. if i wore a binder now i imagine id be completely flat, and honestly if i layer up at this point you cant really tell that i have anything more than the average chubby dude’s moobs, which as a kinda chubby person is totally fine. 

its a trip relearning what i look like and what im supposed to feel like but its just. such a fucking improvement over where i was. absolutely no regrets, regardless of how hard recovery has felt at times. anyway i hope this information is at least interesting and maybe helpful to anybody considering anything similar!!

[subjectsix]

(thank you for the tag @aceofstars16 ily!!!)

this is me tagging you if you want to do this :] yes you. you wanna do it? i have tagged thee

Pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions (don’t cheat!). oh no bro i dont watch tv

Houdini & Doyle

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

Psych

The Clone Wars (im still not finished with it dont @ me)

Star Trek: Voyager

1. who is your favorite character in 2? OH uh. all of them. but probably john? i love how it delves into how he shoulders his fate and how his fate doesnt even have to be like. what it is. like the idea that he isnt the savior of humanity, hes just painted that way-- and hes still important, but so are so so many others, and there are other leaders besides him, this is just how hes perceived by some, skynet included im gonna STOP im rambling charley and jesse are also underrated characters thanks

2. who is your favorite in 1? adelaide!!! but i love the whole main trio so much

3. what’s your favorite episode of 4? i have not seen a lot of it yet but i love the ones that show us sides of star wars we haven’t maybe seen before!!! i esp love the clone centric ones :] im only on season 3 help i kno my heart is gonna get ripped out

4. what’s your favorite season of 5? idk T-T im so fond of the early episodes, but the later episodes with tom and harry’s friendship and seven are also very dear to me. ya girl can’t pick

5. who’s your favorite couple in 3? i guess jules and shaun!!! theyre cool but i am here for the friendship and mysteries and SHENANIGANS 

6. who’s your favorite couple in 2? charley and sarah’s dynamic kills me yall. ugh. like i dont even ship them bc theyve both clearly moved on but also AUGH. AUGH. and jesse and derek i want to know more about them and just-- h also it would be cheating for me to say kyle and sarah.

7. least favorite episode of 1? none of them there was so little of this show and i crave more every day

8. favorite episode of 5? its been awhile since i’ve done a proper rewatch but i loved the more mystery-based episodes! and any like. crew/family bonding things.

9. favorite season of 2? hhhh there’s only two seasons one i guess but both are so good oh no

10. how long have you watched 1? I watched it when it aired, even when on vacay with my sweet friend who took me to disney world (thank u i love u), and i tweeted fox and cried when it got cancelled :( that was 2016 SKJDHFKJHDF thank you for the one season it got i guess

11. how did you become interested in 3? i was in 6th grade and i LOOOOOVED monk and my friend was like “kip. check this out.” and suddenly everything i owned had pineapples on it.

12. favorite actor in 4? james arnold taylor! he’s neat. but i also love dee so much. and ashley and matt

13. which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5? man they’re all such wildly different moods. voyager is home, scc is food for my creative brain, houdini and doyle is beautiful and lovely and dearly missed

14. which have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3? KDJFHKJFH well uh houdini and doyle has one season and psych has [checks notes] 8 and some movies. so.

15. if you could be anyone from 4 who would you be? kit fisto is the most underrated jedi siri send tweet

16. would a crossover between 3 and 4 work? dont give shaun and gus lightsabers. DO have ahsoka and anakin quote shaun and gus

17. pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely ok couple. not enough characters or deets to make this call ;-; i will continue to mourn this show

18. overall which show has a better storyline, 1 or 3? oh dang! i cant make that call again, bc houdini & doyle was just taking off and barely had time to get its feet off the ground. its more story driven than psych i guess, even though both are “monster of the week” types.

19. which has better theme music, 2 or 4? NO WAIT DONT DO THIS TO ME because bear mccreary went off with scc but also the percussion in clone wars makes me go feral

[tellmetheteruth]

The GazettE in Dallas personal Live Report

I've never written one of these for a show i've been to so excuse me if it's clumsy. My concert buddies and I were aiming to get to the venue in the a.m. hours but Brittney and I took so long on hair and makeup that we didn't get there until noon. Oops.

It was Ridiculously hot and sweaty outside and I am not from Texas, i'm from near Seattle so i'm not used to it. And i didnt bring sunblock. My bf brought me some partway through the day but I still got a little burned. Met a lot of friends in the line that helped make it feel less than the 6 and a half hour wait it was. Signed the banner for the band and some Birthday cards for Reita.

The WT19 Documentary staff walked by with the camera and actually interviewed me! I thought I did well but my friends later teased me to death about talking too much and telling my whole life story so idk;;;; I still hope they use a bit of it because I didn't get in the WT16 dvd at all even though I went to LA.

I was VIP so the early entry was a lifesaver. Managed to be near the front of the merch line and actually snagged a Kai and an Uruha bear keychain. Ruki was sold out before I even saw it and Reita sold out a few people in front of me. I also got a tshirt and a hoodie but it was the bears I was REALLY hoping really bad I could get because I didn't own any yet.

And I still managed to get a really good spot after so I'm glad I didn't feel pressured to skip the merch line in favor of a spot. I wasn't directly at the barricade, i had probably 3 or 4 people in front of me. But to me it was perfect because I could see all the members without craning my neck instead of just the one close to me, and I was still way close enough to see all their beautiful faces in detail.

I don't rememeber the setlist in order whatsoever but other people posted it so. Anyway. Falling was Awesome and the first song after the intro. I was mostly distracted in awe just to be standing so close to them all. At the last show I couldn't afford VIP and I was stuck way up in a balcony. So this was just Surreal to me.

A lot of the middle is such a blur but I remember feeling like I had never smiled so wide in my whole entire life and no matter what they played I would have been happy. I was even So excited to hear Filth in the Beauty even though I usually complain about how overplayed it is. I know they played Dogma, which I heard at the last tour of course, but it was Way better being this close and personal.

Aoi is increadibly magnetic and attractive. There's no way to explain it. It's not just that he's hot- mind you, of course he Is, but.. something about him. The way he carries himself. Its hard to take your eyes off of him. The rest is pretty much what other people say, confirmed. Uruha makes a lot of Weird faces, especially during solos. But its super cute. Ruki has not gotten Any better at dancing and I wouldn't have it any other way. Kai is all smiles. Reita's always bobbing his head with the music like a little parakeet. I don't know what to say. Its all so much more touching being there to see it up close.

The last song of the encore was Tomorrow Never Dies and I was just.. crying the whole time honestly. Any final song would be a little emotional but they had to choose That one. It defeinitely got to me.

After the show VIP was immediately lining up for the meet and greet and I was confused about where to go. But we found it. I waited and took some post-show selfies with Brittney. The whole experience was just.. even more special being with my best friend after so long.

-The meet and greet.-

It was. Interesting. I was not prepared.

The line moved a lot faster than I was expecting and before I knew it my boyfriend pointed out that they were right there and Holy Shit he was right. I needed to get my gifts out of my bag and ready Pronto, because I made Ruki a drawing on the plane and I made Uruha a cute little gift bag with specially made stickers, a kitkat and a note I wrote him. (I wanted something for everyone but work got in the way and I ran out of time..) ANYWAY my baggie for Uruha got caught in the zipper of my purse. Like. Really caught bad. The line was still moving. Panic ensued. My boyfriend was behind me so i asked him to help if he could. He couldn't get it.

Then Aoi was right in front of me. The caught present would have to wait for later. I don't remember exactly what I said. A stammering excited ramble while we clasped hands. He was an amazing guitarist, beautiful, things like that. He makes eye contact. They all make good eye contact but especually Aoi. They all have soft warm hands. But each handshake passes in the blink of an eye before I can process it. My brain is a scrambled mess.

Reita. I thank him and pause briefly to think of something personal I can actually say to him. I gave an enthusiastic "You Rock", to which he smiles and agrees with a nod. "Yes!", he says. It was really cute. Probably could have said something more meaningful but at least i'm sure he understood me. Mostly everyone else got an incoherent mess of trying to say as much as I could in such a brief time period.

Ruki. I totally forget I have a present for him by the way. Im holding his hands and busy being Dazzled at how gorgeous he is in person. It's incredible. I tell him he's an amazing singer and i've always looked up to him. Throw in a few other compliments in the fleeting moment before I have to move on. Not sure how much he understands but he smiles and thanks me a couple times.

Kai. He's just glowing and beaming. Smiles so bright. Its very cute. I tell him hes an awesome drummer. I honestly forget what else I said. As I was moving between him and Uruha I remembered Uruhas stuck present. And that made me remember I was supposed to give Ruki a present. Oh shit. Panic. Reach in my bag and slide the piece of paper across the table to him. "Sorry! This is for you!" I don't mean to be chaotic I just really want him to have it. Luckily its my own boyfriend I interrupted his meeting with. Ruki seems amused and thanks me again. Hopefully he actually is and doesnt think i'm rude.

Fiddling with the god damned stuck gift bag as I step over to Uruha in a panic. Eyes wide. Stop to shake his hands. No freaking clue what I even ramble out to him I forget. Im panicking over the present because I dont have long til I have to go. I let go of his hands to fiddle with it again because I Really want him to have it. I worked really hard on it. I realize last second that i can just pull the gifts Out of the little baggie and drop them out on the table in front of him in a panic. "Kit-kat.." I drop it. He thanks me. Im sure I look like a mess. Not sure if he's frightened or flatterd by my determination as the staff starts to try to usher me along. "Stickers-!" I say as I put those down too. Really not sure he even understood what that meant. He might just think its a drawing. Don't know. But he of course thanks me. The poor staff lady is tapping at my shoulder trying to get me to leave. I still have the notecard that has to go with the stickers. I'm apologizing repeatedly to everyone involved as I finally get that to him as well and leave as quickly as possible so as to not cause chaos or hold up the line.

I get outside and meet back up with Brittney and my boyfriend who of course think the whole ordeal was Hilarious. I am mortified and I hope Uruha doesn't think i'm a lunatic. I like to tell myself he probably just thought it was funny but I have no way to know.

We all go to waffle house because its late and we are all starving. My boyfriend is in awe over how tiny Ruki is and he thinks its adorable. Brittney Genuinely misremembered and thought Ruki was sitting down at the meet and greet even though everyone else was standing?? We laugh our asses off. I'm still embarrassed but overall I had an awesome unforgettable night. I hope I didn't leave too bad of an impression. I'm sorry that was so long, i'm a writer and I like to ramble.

[titsthedamnseason]

drunk!julian headcanons

youre welcome in advance. warning: this post is tagged but just in case, after qoaad i edited these to account for the ending so major spoilers ahead 

**dedicated to @carstairsemma who never let me forget these existed and also @mostawesomepineapple because i still feel bad that i sent her that ask(IM SORRY MISHEL VASFGHA)

where to begin??

okay so julian probably would not like to get drunk a lot because he would not be in control but to say it would never happen is ignorant and simply untrue

the first time it happened was during julian and emma’s travel year when they were out at some club that the paris institute’s hip teens took them to

they both decided to drink a little but julian got drunk fast

i could totally go on about drunk!emma too but she’ll have her time to shine some other time that isn’t now

so anyway julian got really really really quiet and when emma asked what was wrong he gestured for her to come closer, got really close to her face, and whispered, “i think im drunk” and they both just started hysterical laughing

emma asked if he wanted to leave but he said no 

dancing ensued and bad singing accompanied it 

emma decided not to drink anymore because drunk julian was a new concept to her and she didn’t know how to handle him or what to expect

as it turns out, nothing particularly bad happened

they sat alone on a small couch in the back where it wasn’t as crowded

drunk!julian cannot shut up about how much he loves emma, how pretty she is, how much he loves her, oh wait he already said that

he rambles and rambles and rambles to her about how much he loves her 

emma thinks she might be permanently blushing 

“emma youre like.....like...like my best friend” 

“well yeah i sure hope so”

there is definitely kissing but emma doesnt let it go too far while he’s shitfaced and she isn’t

julian definitely cries multiple times

first because emma is just so beautiful, again because he misses the kids(then again because after he calms down he has the idea to call them which emma is strongly against), again because he accidentally hits into emma’s arm with his hand while he was gesturing while telling her about-well, he cant remember what he was telling her about but it definitely wasnt worth hurting emma over(“im fine, julian”)

once he starts sobering up they decide to make their way back to the institute

after a few times that emma has seen julian drunk she realizes a few things:

julian curses a lot when he’s drunk 

he uses gestures and big hand movements a lot and they get more extravagant and ridiculous the more he drinks

he is a very sentimental drunk

his normally very observant and logical self goes out the window

he gets very loud(in uhm quite a few ways)

he’ll be really brash and outgoing but get insecure and quiet at the slightest things

he doesn’t really care about keeping his secrets anymore and will tell everyone about that time him and his girlfriend were giants, the mundanes just think he’s making shit up in his intoxicated state

speaking of which, he loves to tell people that emma is his girlfriend, something he already does sober but it gets a thousand times worse when he’s drunk

julian is ready to fight anyone who has ever crossed him while drunk

if julian is going to get drunk, emma should just prepare to be exposed to the world honestly julian will tell anyone all of their secrets(which luckily are far less important now but STILL)

when julian and emma get drunk together they are either both at a 10 and ready to fight anyone ever or they literally start having sex in public(thule!blackstairs who??)

emma gets more quiet and contemplative when she isnt entirely shitfaced yet so julian will happily listen to her musings about the universe while being the actual human embodiment of the heart eyes emoji

there was that one time julian accidentally wound up drunk on christmas 

of course that was the year the la institute was hosting christmas with the ny institute, as well as tessa, jem, kit, and baby jessa in attendance

honestly rip everyone but especially rip emma 

after the first time it doesnt happen that often that only one of them will be drunk but when emma is sober while julian is drunk thank the angel

not only does she save christmas but probably all of shadowhunter kind 

“im going to fucking go to idris right this fucking ass second and show zara exactly-” “julian, idris is blocked off” “i can fucking find a way in” “no, really, the portals-” “CAN SUCK MY DICK” “julian, no”

he’s also so ready to bring annabel back from the dead just to slap her

though he has to agree with emma that that one probably isnt the best idea

the poor guy who accidentally bumped into emma on the sidewalk did not know what he was starting

that one took a lot of convincing on emma’s part that she was completely fine and not upset about what happened and please dont chase after him i need you to not be in jail right now, julian

julian would be the embodiment of that meme where he asks if emma is single and cries when she says no except he would never not know that the girl was emma and wouldnt even think about asking someone else out so its highkey unrealistic but

its canon that julian and emma like to sing along to the radio and such but drunk!julian? he literally thinks he’s a pop star 

when emma is driving drunk!julian home and meet me in the middle comes on? forget it julian is full on marren morris level having a performance in the passenger seat

drunk!julian in general is just a party

but a really unpredictable party

this is what i have for now but i may continue/do drunk!emma or just drunk!blackstairs in the future so lmk about that 

also please feel free to send me your personal drunk!julian hcs because i am in love with him

[notafinalgirl]

Needed you P1

Needed you

AN:this is my first sweetpea fic and im still rely new to writing so please comment and tell me what you think!! im really scared to post this but im also really pround of it. Dont be afraid to tell me the truth i can take it hopefully lol. It takes place durring last years musical episode because if just had this idead with me for a really long time now. I defiantly think im going to do a part 2 let me know if I should.  please injoy if you are reading this I love you!

The annual Riverdale High musical was tonight. Of course it would be the night you couldn’t go do to your need to study and your unfailing need to procrastinate mixed with the fact that you didn’t want to face anyone just quite yet, taking a break from studding you instead think about the fact that the school was doing your favorite Stephen King novel Carrie. You pick up your phone a scroll through pictures of all your friends at the play dressed up in their costumes. After a while on our phone you decide to turn it off so you can finally focus on studying.

After about an hour of studding you slowly start to drift off to sleep, a loud knock woke you up from your sleep. Looking around you don’t see anything, that’s when you hear it again this time coming from the window. You get up and pull back the curtain to see none other than Sweetpea. You can tell something’s wrong just by the way he looks at you. He's got a big cut on his cheek and a blackish eye from the looks of it. You open your window and let him in. “What the hell Sweetpea?” “What are you doing?””Are okay?””What happened?” You bombard your friend with questions. He doesn’t even get a chance to answer as you’ve already left the room. Coming back with a first aid kit in hand you see he’s moved from the window to your bed. He is now��just sitting on the edge but you can’t help but notice that little feeling in your stomach those darn butterflies.

Now that he is in the light you can see all the cuts better on his face better. When he fully turns to you can tell he is on the verge of crying. Sitting next to him you take his hand noticing the blood all over them, you open your first aid kit and slowly clean up his cut on his face. After what feels like forever he finally beaks the silence “Midge is dead.”

  You don’t even know what to say midge was your friend she would let you copy her notes when you were too busy doodling in your notebook to pay attention to the teacher. Yall would go sit in the lounge while yall talked and studied. You rarely spoke outside of school but that doesn’t make her any less of a friend. Tears start to weld up in your eyes “What-“

“Fangs is dead too” your stomach drop you feel like you couldn’t have possible heard him right you couldn’t have there is no way two of your good friends are dead. “He was shot Y/N outside of the sheriff’s station” “there was so much blood I didn’t know what to do” he let out with a sob.

  In all your year of knowing him you couldn’t once recall him crying. You put your hand on his and he turns back to you. Knowing you don’t have to ask anything else that he’ll tell you more when he’s ready. He finally continues he tells you all about how they found midges body and how everyone blamed fangs because of his secret relationship with her. He also told you how Fp got the phone call that fangs didn’t make it and how he got so angry he went to the school to trash it which explains the cuts on his hands. “I was walking down the street I don’t really know where exactly but I saw your light on and you and fang were good friends and I know you’d want to know and that you shouldn’t find out about this over the phone or where ever.” He finally stops rambling.

  “Thank you … I know it was hard for you to just tell me all of that.” You say as you take him in a hug. It’s a hug you both really needed you both just sat there in each other arms sobbing and letting it all out. You both finally let go looking at each other You probable looked like a mess with makeup running down your face and puffy eyes from crying but you couldn’t care less. He leaned over caressed your cheek while putting some of your hair behind your ear, he just left his hand on your neck while looking into your eyes and slowly leaning in.

  Felling is lips slowly but desperately against yours, you take in his taste and the way his lips are slightly chapped. You slowly pull away and just look at him, making eye contact again you lean back in only this time its needier then before like you both needed this, both of you are desperate for it for the touch of each other. You put your hands on his chest and pull at the bottom slightly. He takes if of breaking the kiss for only a second, taking off your shirt next before you lean back onto the bed allowing him to get on top of you kissing you deeply.

[aidenjaxwrites]

Standard question from me: each character's favorite flower!

Okay so i made a list!!! and this might actually help me finnnallly title the second and third books! so thank you!

The flowers aren’t exactly the characters favourites (most of these characters reside in Pthinoporon, not Eiar, and they dont care much for flowers there.), but instead they represent things that i associate with each character. 

Rowan - Black Roses

I associate him with black Roses. Not just for the meaning of death and mourning, but for rebirth. He has gone through many things in his life, and he has been reborn again and again in the eyes of those around him, and the gods. Also he has black hair and is a thorny little bitch in the beginning (i love him okay he’s a book two POV character) 

Mellie - Purple Gladiolus 

These flowers represent strength and moral integrity. She has not yet been fully developed (You can see ive put a lot of effort into rowan so far lol) but i will have more on her eventually i promise.

Daphne - White Chrysanthemum 

I struggled with finding a flower for Daphne, since her and her dain (her twin brother) represent very similar things within the story. But I chose a white Chrysanthemum for her which symbolizes truth and loyal love, since she values truth and loyalty above anything else. (If her brother lied to her about something important she’d probably run him through with a sword ok) 

Dain - Purple Dahlia 

There isn’t a difference in symbolism between pink and purple Dahlia’s, but I think the purple ones represent him best. They represent Royalty, dignity, and grace. Despite him not having any royal blood, he and daphne are both highly regarded in Pthinoporon’s royal courts. He is very composed, very intelligent and strong. 

Myran - Purple Aster

Purple Asters represent love and patience. Anybody who I’ve rambled to about Myran knows he is a very patient, loving person. Not just when it comes to Emeric, but to Calen, his family (You know, the badass people listed above) to his whole kingdom. He loves his people, would do anything to keep them protected and safe. 

Aran doesn’t get a flower he’s a snake 

Tag list: @incandescent-creativity @illiteracy-is-for-woozles @kit-tells-a-story@knox-novels @writings-of-a-narwhal@kclenhartnovels@elaynab-writing

[peach-punch-satan]

Everytime I play Dead By Daylight way late at night I meet the nicest people. (Ramblings under the cut about some of the nicest people I met while playing)

Like one day I was playing against the Trapper and I was I think last on the hook and the Trapper face camped and after the match sent me a message saying that they were sorry for face camping but they were changing their batteries. (I told them it was ok and that they were an awesome Trapper because god damn they really were!), another time I was playing Quentin and I was the last man standing against the Hillbilly so I just went out looking for him and waving my hand in game in the “come here” motion to get him to kill me but he just kinda stuck around and followed me while I did gennies, showed me chests to loot through, had me pull down palletes for him to smash, he even showed me the trap door to escape but I just kind derped around and opened the doors waited for him to show up then left. I ended up sending him a thank you for being so nice to me.

Today I was playing Nea and in a game it was me, Jake, and David because the other person disconnected after finding out we were against the Clown, I helped with gennies and then would get chased and downed by the Clown, the David shined his flashlight which made the Clown drop me so I could skeedaddle. Eventually I got caught and put on the hook and almost died but the Jake got me down even though the Clown was hella camping (pretty much face camping me) I escaped but the Clown got me down again so the Jake distracted him while I crawled my way to the David because both made themselves close by and then me and David escaped so I spectated the Jake who escaped. He messaged me “GGGGGOOOOOOOODDDDSHHIT” and I thanked him.

Then I was up against the Clown again, a different one though. I was still Nea, I got the gennies done and he slaughtered the other survivors so I was last man standing again, we kinda tip toed around each other, I tried finding the trapdoor but also trying to get him to notice me to kill me so it wouldn’t drag on to long. He ended up messaging me asking where I was at so I told him, he came and found me, downed me, and then took me to the trap door so I could escape. I also told him thank you.

The last one is I was playing and we were up against the pig. We were gettingg all the gennies done quickly, I moved on my own to a totem, I had spine chill going off as I finished up, when to leave to go do the gennie and the pig was there and slashed me down scaring the absolute shit out of me. They just kinda crouched there and slashed at a Claudette that tried helping me and chased them then a Feng Min got me up and we all went to the exit gate, Feng let me use her med kit to patch up, and after we escaped I messaged them thanks for not trapping and hooking me and that they scared the shit out of me. They said they were a noob playing and needed people to play because they dont know how to do anything in game. Told them it was cool and we ended up adding each other on xbox so if I decide to play more tomorrow with a friend then i’d have him join and we’d play some games.

[phan-of-the-pen]

I Dare You To Stay: Chapter 14

Hey!! I’m back once again with a new chapter!! Sorry this took so long you guys, I’ve been super busy with normal life, trying to write new updates for this fic, and trying to write my three PBB fics! Anyways, I hope you enjoy and thank you for sticking around! @billetdouxblossom

Tags for chapter: fluff, minor angst, major BFF bonding omg

Words for chapter: ~2.7

Fic Summary: Dan Howell is a barista working a shitty job, frequenting his shitty apartment, and living a shitty existence, hiding his asexuality and going for a PHD in self-depreciation and depression. Phil Lester is a part-time intern, part-time employee at a local weather station, trying to get experience in his field and make a name for himself, while juggling a second job at the nearby Tesco’s to give him some financial breathing room. Their paths were never supposed to meet, but what happens when they do anyways, one rainy day in Manchester?

(ao3!)

<– Previous chapter Next chapter -->

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Dan curled himself up in a blanket on his couch, phone in hand.

He hadn't heard from Jaime at all today minus her early morning texts, but knowing her, she'd still burst into Dan's flat in a whirlwind after her audition for one of her and Dan's infamous Best Friends Only Nights.

No significant others, no texting other people, no social media, just the two of them, ice cream, pizza, every blanket and pillow they can find, and sad romcoms playing in the background as they talk and cry and laugh.

And as far as preparation, Dan had already ordered the pizza, there was plenty of ice cream in his freezer, and at least half a dozen blankets were swallowing the sofa.

All he was missing was his best friend.

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

so youre telling me I wont get you at ALL tonight?

>> To: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

yep. a Best Friends Only Night was called and rules state no s.o. just us bffs

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

>:(

>> To: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

srry mate but youll survive i promise

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

I might just die you dont know

>> To: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

wow i didnt know i picked up such a needy boyfriend

Dan grinned. He may have sounded exasperated in his text, but really, Phil whining about not having Dan for a single night was making his mood soar.

It felt good to be wanted by someone other than just Jaime.

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

ddddaaaaaannnnnnn

>> To: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

pppphhhhiiiilllllll

>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

fine but I get you tomorrow so I can catch up on my very important dan time

>> To: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)

u can get ur dan time and i can get my phil time it sounds like a plan

Dan clicked off his phone when he heard his door fly open. There's Jaime, late as usual.

"Daniel Howell, where the fuck are you!"

"On the sofa already starting this Best Friends Night without you!" Dan laughed in response. She sounded breathless but happy, which was making Dan's hopes for her soar. She had to have gotten that role.

Jaime was there in a moment, landing on him in a heap and talking a mile a minute, too fast for Dan to catch everything, but managing to grasp a few words here or there. Still not enough to piece together a proper story about her day, though.

"Jaime," Dan said quickly when she stopped to breathe, "I need you to slow down—you're talking way too fast for me to understand you dork. Did you get the part? Or do I need to kick a judge's ass?"

She looked at Dan with wide eyes and smiled, wide enough to cover her whole face.

"I got it. I got the part." She said in a whisper, like she couldn't believe the words.

Dan felt his jaw drop in one moment and the next snap right back up so he could cheer as he tackled her in a hug, his much larger body easily covering hers.

"I knew it! I knew it, Jaime! God! This is the break you were waiting for and you're gonna be a star now and oh my gosh when are the tickets going out I'm going to buy five and-"

"Dan!" She said, laughing. "Now you're the one rambling!"

Dan clamped his jaw shut to stop himself, feeling his eyes crinkle and smile go wide.

"I'm just way too happy for you, Jaime. You've got to tell me everything."

They ended back up on the couch, huddled together under the blanket Dan had previously been under alone. Jaime relayed everything to him, from the sudden call-back to her trip there. She talked about how huge the theatre was and how Dan would absolutely love it. Jaime talked about the director and the cast so far, and how there was this really cute girl that was a part of the stage crew, and Dan just soaked it all up, getting caught in the glamour.

Jaime reached for another slice of the pizza that had arrived half-way through her explaining that the theatre had three gigantic chandeliers.

"All of the main parts have been casted already, but now they're moving on to the 'second wave' so to speak, and auditions are opening back up in a few days so..." Jaime trailed off, looking hopeful.

Dan snorted.

"Jaime, I know you're excited but you can't have two parts."

"Sciocco, I mean for you to try for a part! Not me!"

"Jaime, I haven't acted in anything in over a year-"

"Dan-"

"-and besides I won't get it."

"You don't know that! I thought I wasn't even going to get a call-back and look where we are right now! I'm the face of this musical!"

"Yeah, well I'm sure that all of the people that didn't get a main character like you are going to try out for the smaller ones and there's no doubt that they're better than me."

"Dan, you're an insane actor—there's no way that you couldn't get even the smallest part! And besides, do you really want to be a barista for the rest of your life? Acting is your dream, Dan. These directors are picking new talent that hasn't been seen on a big stage before left and right. There's more of a chance that you could get this than you think."

"Jaime," Dan sighed, "we both know that I can't afford to miss work as much as I'm going to need to for practice. And on top of that, I won't be able to pay for the tickets I'm going to need to get to London and back so many times. If it was here in Manchester, maybe I'd entertain the  idea, but I just can't. I'd be out of my flat in a month from not being able to afford rent once practice rolls around."

Jaime groaned.

"Dan-"

"No, Jaime, I'll sit this one out."

She muttered something under her breath that Dan just didn't quite get before nodding a disgruntled 'fine' and pouting. After another piece and a half of pizza, Jaime knocked her shoulder into Dan's.

"So, what's going on with you? Was today really bad?"

"Steve was a royal dick."

"Expected."

"Mary almost had a go at him."

"Mary? Little old lady Mary? Mi Dio, what did he do?"

Dan brought his bandaged hand out from under the blankets, where it had been curled up over his stomach. Jaime nearly choked on the bite of pizza in her mouth when she saw it, and her eyes immediately darkened with anger.  

"He kind of hip-checked me while I was making her coffee, and I ended up burning myself." Dan said, definitely playing the situation down to avoid Jaime descending upon Steve like a grim reaper. As much as Dan might have loved to see that, it wouldn't have been worth it.

"But don't worry it's fine! Phil wrapped up and everything."

"Phil was there too now? And what the hell did he do, go out and buy bandages? We don't have these kind in the first-aid kit." She said, bringing Dan's hand over by his wrist to inspect the bandage. Her eyes roved over the rest of Dan's frame as well, looking for any other sign of injury, frowning.

Dan blushed.

"Ah, no, he had these at his flat."

Jaime raised a brow.

"You're telling me that he went all the way to his flat, grabbed some bandages, and came all the way back to the coffee shop just because you got a burn even though we had ones in the back?"

"No," he said, squirming, "we went to his flat for lunch. After he nearly threatened to dump a coffee on Steve's head."

"Why the fuck-"

"We're dating." Dan blurted, eyes going wide as soon as the words left his mouth. He had meant to be more tactile with telling her, damnit. Jaime blinked at him in disbelief. "Surprise?" He added, unsure.

"Tell me everything right now it's about time you two got together, jesus christ."

So Dan ended up telling Jaime all about how Phil showed up at his flat, the texts, today, their talk about Dan's past, and how Phil had swooped in like a saint to take him away from Steve, breaking for Jaime to disappear for a moment, only to come pack with a gallon on ice cream and two spoons.

"Oh my god you two were snogging on this couch."

"Shut up!"

"You can't deny it, Howell, you literally just told me!"

"That doesn't mean we have to talk about it!"

Jaime snickered and spooned another mountain of ice cream into her mouth.

"He's going to be in our coffee shop at every hour of the day now that you finally said yes, isn't he? God, don't even answer that he's like a puppy, he is."

Dan's face was beet-red, and he suspected that the blush wouldn't go down for a while, or at least until Jaime let up on the teasing.

"My boyfriend isn't a puppy. But yeah, he probably is going to be there a lot." Dan muttered through a mouth-full of ice cream.

"A lot my ass he won't leave unless you do."

"Jaime, shut up."

"Oi, this is the first relationship you've been in in years, it's my right to tease you to death."

Dan stuck out his tongue at her.

"Love you too, Danny."

Jaime shifted on the couch, and continued to reach for the ice cream, but thankfully stopped her suggestive smiles and teasing in lieu of smugly eating dessert.

They polished off an impressive amount of ice cream before Jaime pushed the container away, onto the table.

"We've had way too much. I'm throwing in the towel for the both of us."

"Speak for yourself, loser." Dan said, but admittedly throwing his spoon into the container of ice cream and flopping back into the couch. "What's next on the agenda, then? Are we going to cut into sleeping already? It's only about ten."

"No, you're not going to pass out on me, Danny, I'm not done with you yet."

Dan whined, but obediently sat up when Jaime swatted at his arm.

Unlike the rest of the night prior, this time Jaime looked stern. She wasn't bubbling over with excitement and joy like she had been when she had arrived, and she wasn't oozing disbelief and I-told-you-he-liked-you-but-you-didn't-believe-me-dumbass like when Dan was busy talking about Phil. She was determined and slightly reserved, but also showing hints of worry.

"I've been honestly meaning to talk to you about this for awhile, I just didn't really know how to bring it up, I guess? But I finally got my head out of my ass and realized that it doesn't matter if I'm vaguely unsure because this is about you."

Dan swallowed, suddenly nervous. His head immediately went to the worst-case he could think of. Was Jaime unhappy with their friendship? Changed her mind about her acceptance of Dan's sexuality?

Something else?

Her eyes seemed to be piercing his, keeping them from darting away. Dan wasn't sure if her gaze reassured him or heightened his anxiety.

"I want you to see a therapist, Dan. No, don't say anything yet, this is non-negotiable. You've been depressed since I've known you, and while I'm sure that some of that had to do with repressing your ace-ness, nowhere near all of it is, and it's gotten worse since you were just that too-tall kid to stumble through my store doors looking for a job. Dan, there are times when you can't get out of bed. And don't think I haven't noticed your increasing anxiety. Dan," Jaime said, grabbing Dan's hand, "I want you to be happy because you deserve to be. You don't deserve to suffer through that, and I don't want you to alone. I'll help you as much as you want me too, but I'm no professional, Dan. I can't help you how you need."

Dan felt tears prick at his eyes.

He'd been depressed for years now, ever since he was fourteen, really. It only got worse with his sexuality and his girlfriend, but things really went down-hill when he had gotten kicked out. It had taken him awhile to pick himself up from that after he finally found a stable place to stay, but he had thought he'd been managing it. Sure, he had more depressive episodes, but he knew how to handle those, what more did Jaime want?

"How do you know that? How do you know that you can't help?" Dan said, quietly. "Maybe it just takes time."

"Because I don't know how to help you other than support you through it. I can look through all of the forums on the internet—and believe me I have—and still not be able to help you like you need. All I can do is keep you going, I can't give you the tools you need to climb out of this hole you've ended up in."

There were tears dripping down Dan's cheeks. Was he really that sick? That his own best friend didn't even know how to help?

"One appointment, that's all that I'm asking for, Dan, please, I'll help you research the therapist and take you there and everything, I just need you to try. If not for you then for me." Jaime pleaded, wiping away Dan's tears with the sleeve of her jumper.

Dan looked back up at Jaime from where his eyes had slid down. She looked like she was about to cry herself, her expression looking so pained.

It's not that he liked feeling so numb.

It's not that he liked having a hard time to get out of bed.

It's not that he liked not having the energy to do the most basic things sometimes.

It's not that he liked being depressed.

It was just...all he knew.

He just wasn't sure what there was besides it. A normal life? That wasn't for him. It had been too long since he had had one.

"What if I can't get better? What if I'm just stuck like this?"

"If you're stuck like this, I'm going to find whatever punk-ass god or goddess who claims ownership of this shit universe and make them regret it, damnit."

A laugh bubbled out of Dan's chest before he could stop it, and Jaime smiled at him.

"Don't laugh, I mean it."

That only made Dan laugh harder, wiping away his own tears now. There was still something hard in his chest, but he felt lighter. Softer.

"Okay, I'll try, but only to save that 'punk-ass god' from you, you maniac."

Jaime snorted, but she pulled Dan back in for another hug, her smaller arms wrapping around Dan completely and making him feel warm inside. He hugged her back and whispered a small "thank you", not entirely sure that she heard it, but okay with it if she didn't. They didn't always need words to convey things between them, and Dan was sure that Jaime knew how much her care for him meant to him. Even after all of the tears and the drama.

They pulled themselves together after that and dug back into the ice cream, forgetting their prior self-restraint completely. Dan beat Jaime several times over in Mario Kart after they had finally paid the remainder of the movie that had been on in the background some attention, and after his seventh win, Jaime declared that they'd better sleep before she strangled a giddy-at-winning Dan. He teased her about it all through the clean-up, and didn't let up until she threatened to make him sleep outside.

"It's my flat! You can't kick me out!"

"Watch me, Howell. Now get your ass in bed."

Dan stuck his tongue out at her in his usual fashion, but did as she asked, pulling back the duvet on his bed—which she was already in—and flopping down next to her.

"Night, dork."

"Night, nerd."

Dan fell asleep easier than he had in awhile, warm and curled up with his best friend, the normal background noise of his thoughts settled for once.