#again not super entirely happy w this but my brain won’t let me stop until this is done and for the sake of my wellbeing

[sentientsky]

you idiot, we could have been…us.

[juniorfics]

Favorite color

mina x GN!reader

written by: R

word count: 1.8k

Warning!: one-sided pining, the word dude used as slang, slight angst, and just a wee bit of internalized homophobia (but only for like, a paragraph) ((also, mina might be slightly out of character, so..sorry about that :p))

y/n was distraught.

No, distraught wasn't the right word...conflicted maybe? Well, whatever the correct word is, they were feeling it.

Allow me to give a bit of context; you see, y/n was crushing on someone. Quite aggressively, actually. they couldn't stop thinking about them. the way they smiled, the way their hair bounced slightly when they walked, the way they could brighten a room so easily with only their presence. Yes, y/n was crushing, but that wasn't the issue. they've had many crushes before. So many, some would see it as a bit of a problem. No, the crushing itself wasn't a huge deal, rather, it was who the crush was on. The gender of the person, to be more specific.

y/n was always more attracted to guys, never finding herself attracted to females in any sort of romantic way. But ever since their first year of high school had begun, it seemed to them that that might not be the case anymore. All because of a certain pink-haired individual. Well, pink hair is a bit of an understatement. Everything about her is pink! Her hair, her skin, her personality, everything! And it suited her too, the color pink. She was a very bright and optimistic person, looking to the bright side of things as often as she could, making others happy by just simply being herself. Not to mention she was very pretty to look at, but that’s more of an opinion that can vary from person to person.

It's pretty safe to say that y/n was more than a bit confused when these feelings first emerged. they can practically pinpoint the moment it happened- when all this crushing began. It was during the school festival, back when they were all still first years. To be more precise, it was when 1-A was performing their concert. The two of them hadn't been in the same class at the time, in fact, y/n wasn't even planning on going to the concert at all, but their friend had convinced them that it would be fun, and they eventually caved, agreeing to go only if he would buy them a strawberry-banana crepe afterward. They had managed to get good seats near the front and patiently waited for the show to start. Then, the lights went out, the curtains opened, and a bunch of people, including their friend, began shouting out the name of one of the girls on stage. ‘Fanboys..’ they thought, waiting for the show to start. Then, before they knew it, the music started, and a bunch of dancers came out. That's when they saw her- Ashido. they had remembered her from the sports festival, as well as seeing her in the hallway a few times. they thought nothing of it and continued enjoying the show. But then, something happened that would change y/n’s perception of the world forever- Ashido had winked.

Granted, Ashido hadn't winked directly at her, rather to that general area of the audience, but y/n saw it nonetheless, and suddenly, their heart had started beating faster, their face steadily increasing in temperature, their hands went clammy and their mouth went dry. Why were they feeling like this? they had never reacted to anything as subtle as a wink this aggressively before. Plus, they had never developed a crush for someone this quickly before, ever! Even their fastest crush had taken a day to develop. ‘Wait, crush? No, I can't have a crush on her! That-that's impossible!’ they thought, shaking their head. they had tuned out the rest of the concert at this point. ‘I don’t like her! No, I can't like her! I like guys! Dudes! Men! people who portray as masculine! I don't like girls! Never have, never will!’ they thought, the words sounding like screams to them. 'And besides! The wink probably wasn't even for me. There's no way she could even see me among all these other people! Yeah, it was probably just to the crowd.’ that's what they told themself, but there was a small voice in the back of their mind that stayed with them for the rest of the day, once the concert was over, while they were eating the crepe they were promised, while they were lying in their bed in the middle of the night; “what if it was for me? What if she did see me? What if she winked at me?’

Over the next few months, they had come to terms with their emotions, accepting the fact that they did, indeed, have a crush on Ashido. Well, less of a crush, more of an obsession. But hey, this was how they always handled these things. their feelings were still a bit confusing, but they couldn't just ignore them. they promised themselves a long time ago that they would always acknowledge their feelings, no matter who they were for. So this has become y/n’s current dilemma. They were already halfway through their second year and they hadn't even made an attempt at confessing. However, a few weeks ago, they decided that they would confess on the last day of April.

Which just so happened to be today.

y/n was extremely nervous. they were gonna confess her feelings, of course they were nervous! But they told themself they would, and that's what they were gonna do.

~

The final bell rang, and school was officially over. y/n practically jumped out of their seat, speed walking out of the classroom, and into the hallway. This was it! they were gonna confess her feelings! they had to find Ashido first, though. Luckily, they had memorized Ashido’s schedule, and what hallways she normally took, so this wouldn't really be a problem. Yes, a bit stalkerish, but it came in handy for moments like this. Finally, they got to the hallway they needed to be at and waited for a moment. Soon enough, a bunch of footsteps, along with idle chatter, got closer and closer, and closer, until-

“Aghhh, today’s training was super tough today! I'm so soreee…”

“Right? I can barely feel my legs, it's like I'm walking on jello,”

“It doesn't help that midterms are coming up as well, my brain is just as sore,”

y/n watched as the friend group passed by, not even noticing them. Just when they were far enough so it didn't seem creepy, they walked out, clearing their throat.

“U-um...Ashido?”

The group turned around, signs of confusion on their faces. The girl in question stepped towards them slightly, a small bounce in her step.

“Hmm?”

y/n’s face tinted pink. they hoped it wasn't too noticeable. “U-uh, hi. I-i know you don't know me, b-but do you think I could talk to you for a sec? I-it won't take long, promise!” they blurted out, hands behind their back.

Ashido smiled, thinking it was probably a shy fan or something. “Yea, of course! What's up?”

There was a small silence.

“...a-alone?” y/n muttered, their face getting slightly redder.

Ashido blinked. “Oh, alright!-” she turned to her friends, making a small shooing motion with her hand.- “you guys go on ahead! I'll catch up later,”

“Well, okay. Just don't take too long, or we're gonna get boba tea without you!” the blonde one joked, waving behind him as the other two followed after him. Ashido stuck her tongue out at them, before chuckling and turning back to face y/n.

“So, what were you saying?” she said, smiling at them.

y/n almost had a heart attack. ‘So cute..’ they thought, fidgeting with the hem of their shirt. “W-well, I just wanted to-”

“Wait...you’re the crush dude, right?” Ashido questioned, snapping her fingers as if she had an ‘aha!’ moment.

y/n blinked. “...c-crush dude?”

“Yea! I've heard about you from some of the general student kids!”

“O-oh...well I just wanted to tell you that-”

“Wait, WAIT! Don't tell me...you like one of my friends, right?”

“H-huh? No, that's not-”

“Lemme guess, it's Denki, isn't it? Wait, no, you don't really seem like you’d be into him...what about Hanta? He's pretty cool, and you guys would look good together! Ooh, did you want me to tell him to you? Cause I can do that if you want-”

“ASHIDO!” y/n yelled, getting frustrated. Ashido froze, looking at y/n. She admits that she does have a tendency to talk over people, but she definitely didn't expect someone like y/n to flat out yell at her. y/n took a deep breath, looking back at Ashido.

“Look, i-I'm sorry I yelled, it's just- I have something really important I wanna tell you.” they looked at the ground, their blush getting darker. Ashido wasn't saying anything, so they began speaking again.

“I-i don't like any of your friends...I like you, Ashido. A-and I'm not entirely sure if you swing that way or anything, to be honest, I didn't think I did either, but here I am!” they chuckled nervously, staring at their shoes. “A-anyway, what I'm trying to say is, y-you don't have to reciprocate, I-i just thought you should know.”

they looked up, finally ready to see Ashido's reaction, and- blank. Her face was completely blank. y/n could feel tears welling up in their eyes. Had they said something wrong? Who were they kidding, of course they had. they had confessed to a girl. Ashido probably thought they were super weird. To make matters worse, they’ve never even spoken to each other before this! y/n had completely screwed up. If there was any sort of chance that they could've been friends, let alone romantic partners, it was all gone now. they sniffed, wiping their eyes. they turned around, not wanting to hear any of the comments they expected.

“Hey, wait!”

they froze, turning back around. Ashido was a few steps closer now, a look of concern on her face. She looked like she had to say something, but couldn't find the words to do so. After a few seconds of silence, she spoke, clearly nervous.

“Well, first of all, thank you for telling me. I appreciate it. And, um…” her face began getting pinker. “I...I wouldn't mind going on a date. A-as long as you’re comfortable with it, of course.” she smiled, rubbing the back of her neck.

A date? y/n couldn't believe it. they were speechless. they didn't think they were weird, or a freak, or anything? “You...you don't think I'm weird? We’ve never even talked..”

“Well, that may be true, but that's what dates are for, right? To get to know someone better! Plus, it would be nice being seen in public with someone as cute as you!” she winked, a huge grin on her face.

‘C-cute?!?!? She thinks I'm cute!! Omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg-’ y/n’s face was practically as red as an apple, but so was Ashido's, so they felt a little bit better about it.

“Y-yeah, a date sounds wonderful,” they said, fidgeting with the hem of their shirt again. “I-i’m free on the 4th!”

“Alrighty then! Here, gimme your phone.”

They then traded numbers, and Ashido ran off to meet up with her friends again, promising to work out the details later. y/n smiled.

Yep, there was no denying it- pink was definitely their favorite color.

[favefandomimagines]

Queen of Mean 2 (p.p.)

Summary: it takes some wise words to make you realize that maybe Peter is the only person who can fix you.

AN: HERE IT IS!! part 2!!! the fact that people even wanted a part 2 has me over the moon and makes me v happy! so please enjoy and hopefully i met the expectations!!! v long and v angsty but tbh with me social distancing, i’m always angsty. 

I also made MJ super understanding because girl power is important and i feel like she’s not the type of girl to be all ‘i hate you, you stole my boyfriend.’ When she sees two people are meant to be she won’t stand in the way of that.

It had been a few weeks since what happened between you and Peter on the roof top. You made good on your promise and stayed out of his way and left him alone.

But you stopped going to school. You were spiraling down a dark hole and you weren’t sure if you could crawl out of it. After all, you dug it yourself.

Your friends noticed and sent numerous texts and phone calls, asking where you were. It wasn’t like you to skip school. But you didn’t want to go and have to face Peter and MJ.

You sat at home in your apartment, using your powers for small minuscule things, like you and Wanda used to do when you were on lockdown at the Avenger’s facility.

Peter immediately noticed your absence at school. Ned would be talking about the newest Star Wars lego set he got, while Peter was waiting for you to show up at your locker. But you never did.

Or when he’d be at lunch with MJ and Ned and he would be staring at your lunch table but you never showed up.

MJ could tell something was wrong with him and decided to ask him about it. It wasn’t like her to be subtle.

“What’s going on with you?” She asked him. “W-What do you mean?” He stammered. “You’ve been acting weird for weeks. Staring at nothing like you’re waiting for-“ MJ started before dropping herself.

As she was speaking, her brain connected the dots. Peter was waiting for you. “It’s about Y/N isn’t it? You’re waiting for her to show up?” She questioned.

Peter and Ned shared a look before Ned got up from the table to let the couple talk.

“Y/N, isn’t doing so great. We, uh, had a run in a few weeks ago and she wasn’t herself. Somethings wrong with her.” Peter explained. “What do you mean?” MJ further pushed.

Peter knew he had to tell MJ why you weren’t around anymore. Why you all of a sudden changed your entire personality in a blink of an eye. He had to tell her it was because of him.

The story he told MJ about your breakup was that the two of you drifted apart. Losing Tony was too much for him and you were battling your own demons. Peter never told MJ you broke up because of her.

MJ was a feminist and knew that no girl should question her self worth because her boyfriend broke up with her for another girl. A mind set like that wasn’t healthy for a teenage girl.

“When Y/N and I broke up, it wasn’t because we drifted apart. It was because of you. I broke up with her because I had feelings for you. Then she changed. She became mean and cruel and she started to mess up my patrolling just to get to me. That night on the roof, something snapped. And I think it was because of me.” Peter explained.

MJ looked at the boy and everything became clear to her. He used had. Past tense. Which meant he realized he made a mistake picking her.

“And it is because of you. Peter, a teenage girl’s mind can be fragile enough as it is, let alone a girl who has mutated powers. Powers she got from being kidnapped and powers she got before she watched her older brother die in front of her. You should know better than anyone how sensitive Y/N. I mean, do you know how many times she didn’t want to hang out with me because of how often she thought of her brother?” MJ replied.

The truth was, Peter didn’t know. He didn’t think anything of it when you said you weren’t feeling well and couldn’t hang out. He didn’t even see the signs of how close you were to losing it.

“You were the straw that broke the camel’s back. She had every reason to not keep it together but she had you. Until you broke up with her.” MJ added. “And I know you want to get back together with her. And it’s okay. I get it. The two of you were epic and I can’t think of two people who are more meant to be than you and Y/N.” She finished.

“You’re not mad?” Peter asked. “I’m mad that you couldn’t see how much she was hurting. She was there for you after Tony Stark died and every day after that. He was like a father to her just as much as he was to you. Did you ask her how she was doing?” MJ answered.

Peter sat there, swearing that he’s asked you how you’ve been after losing Tony. But he came up short. Realizing that he never asked you how you were doing.

“The fact that you can’t answer that means you’re a big reason as to why she’s not herself.” MJ told him. “I’m a terrible person.” Peter muttered. “That’s the thing, Peter. You’re not a terrible person. Sometimes you just lose track.” She told him.

“Y/N is never going to speak to me again. I’ve tried calling, she sends me to voicemail. Said she doesn’t deserve to be forgiven.” Peter said.

MJ saw the guilt and sadness in his face and realized that she had to be the one to talk to you. You were close friends before everything went downhill and she owed you that much.

—

You were wrapped up in a blanket, sitting on your couch when there was a knock at your door.

With furrowed brows, you got up to answer. You didn’t know who would be knocking, aside from the landlord bringing you your mail.

You opened the door and your face fell at the sight of MJ standing there. “M-MJ, what are you doing here?” You asked.

“I came to talk to you.” She answered. You were hesitant for a moment but let her in anyways. “It’s about Peter.” She started. “Look, MJ,” You began before she stopped you.

“He’s miserable without you. He worries constantly and he told me everything. About the breakup and the night on the roof. He really is sorry.” She said. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I was awful.” You said. “You were grieving. Trying to adjust to a new normal without one of the most important people in your life. He understands.” MJ rebutted.

You sat down in defeat and ran your hands through your hair. “But he’s with you now.” You said. “He’s not. Not anymore. The two of you were each other’s epic love. Who am I to stand in the way of that?” MJ said. “But you must really like him.” You said quietly. “Maybe. But he would have never been all in with me because of how much he loves you. And he needs you, Y/N. I know you’re hurting. I’ve known for a while and Peter is so worried about helping total strangers, he lost sight of who was the most important; you.” MJ told you. 

“I know you think you don’t deserve to be forgiven but you do. You’ve been going through a lot and it’s okay to not be okay all the time.” She added. 

By that point of the conversation, you had silent tears streaming down your face. 

“I just don’t want him to throw me away again.” You said quietly. MJ really felt for you and of course she had no idea what you were going through but she knew you needed a friend. 

MJ hugged you tightly and you gladly hugged her back, really needing someone in that moment. “Peter loves you, Y/N. And he really wants you back.” She said to you. 

The two of you sat like that for a moment. The affection from someone who used to be your closest friend, helping you climb out of that hole. 

__

Peter was not having a good night. He had been bruised and beaten by numerous thieves and muggers and he was just off his game. Mainly because thinking about you threw him off. 

He rested up on a fire escape, at least fifteen stories high, when he felt the presence of someone next to him. 

“Hey, Parker.” You greeted. Peter saw you and his posture straightened and his mouth went slightly agape. “Y-Y/N, wha-why are you here?” He stammered. 

“I, uh, thought we should talk. About everything.” You answered. “I am so sorry. For everything. The way I broke up with you, being the reason you became so mean and not noticing just how much you were hurting all this time.” He told you quickly. “I should be the one apologizing. For being terrible to you at school and trying to make you fail at being Spider-Man. I just, I don’t know, I was hurt and angry and I didn’t know what to do or how to make it stop. So I thought, why stop?” You said. 

“You don’t have to explain yourself, Y/N. I was so caught up on my own stuff that I didn’t bother to ask how you were doing. I feel awful because you don’t do that to someone you love.” Peter said. 

You were fiddling with your fingers, thinking about what you should do. Do you go back to Peter and reopen those wounds and expose yourself to new ones? Or do you decide you needed to be alone? 

“I just, I can’t go through you leaving again. I lost so many people and I can’t lose you too. Not again.” You spoke. “I will never make that mistake again. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I can’t lose you.” He told you. 

“And believe me when I say I forgive you for what you did. I was the reason for it and you had every right to react the way you did.” He added. “I know. MJ talked to me today. That’s why I’m here.” You replied. “She did?” Peter questioned, shocked to hear his ex girlfriend went to talk to you. 

“I love you, Peter. I always have but when we were together, you’d be there physically but you were never all there. And I need you to be there.” You said. 

It was taking a lot for you to be so vulnerable and upfront about your feelings, especially when you were admitting you needed help. 

“I need your help, Peter because Wanda isn’t here and no one else knows what I’ve been going through like you do.” You added. 

Peter could see it was a big deal for you to admit what you were saying. You weren’t one to express how you felt, that being a factor in your mutated breakdown. 

He walked towards you and slowly reached for your hands, afraid you’d reject him just like that night on the roof. 

“I am not going anywhere. Not again.” He told you softly. “You’re officially stuck with me.” Peter added, causing you to smile softly. 

Peter smiled because you were smiling and that was something he hadn’t seen in so long. “What?” You questioned. “I haven’t seen you smile like that in a while. I missed it.” He explained. 

That caused your smile to grow before you leaned in a pressed a gentle kiss on Peter’s cheek. But before you could pull all the way back, Peter let go of your hands and cupped your face in his and kissed you deeply. 

You were taken aback by that action, kissing Peter something you learned to live without, but soon melted into it. It was a deep and passionate kiss but once you tasted blood, you pushed him away. 

Getting a good look at his face, you noticed the blood coming from his nose and the busted lip. “What the hell happened to you?” You asked. “It hasn’t been a good night.” Peter answered. 

You examined his face before making him lean against the fire escape railing before beginning to clean up his wounds. “Y/N, how have you been holding up? Tell me everything.” Peter asked. 

You smiled giddily before going into a long explanation of how you’ve really been doing. And the two of you stayed up all night, Peter just being there for you. 

Tag List: @tommysparker​ @eridanuswave @lets--be-honest @averyfosterthoughts @juliebean247​ @ixchel-9275​ @watson-emma​ @peterbparkerth​ @fckingchile​ 

[kewltie]

in the midst of a battle w/ members of LoV, pro-hero ground zero save a rookie journalist who LITERALLY threw himself middle of all the chaos to grab photos & after yelling at the ignorant fuck, katsuki doesn't think he'll see him again but then HE SEES HIM EVERYWHERE. his name is midoriya izuku & he has some sort of death wish really bc katsuki keep finding him in the middle of all these hero vs villains battles and ONE TIME he tackled down a villain right???? and he doesnt even have a fucking quirk & yet he is seemingly unafraid of everything.

needless to say, katsuki is v smitten bc the litle awkward death defying shit. also, anyone who accidentally send katsuki to the hospital several times a month bc he keep getting into trouble and katsuki have to come rescue him and THEN YELLING AT KATSUKI FOR INTERFEARING W/ HIS JOB – may be katsuki’s true love.

katsuki get so fucking rile up at this quirkless man, who shown no fear and easily go toe to toe w/ him and yet is so incredibly humble and hilariously awkward, he is just into this badass idiot who is entirely devoted to his job and cursed w/ severe stubborn???? feels relatable. so yea, katsuki ofc taps that ass right the fuck away bc he knows a good one when he sees it bc izuku is indirectly responsible for three broken ribs after katsuki had pulled him out of ANOTHER TROUBLING SITUATION. he's a trouble magnet and shit-stirrer and katsuki's heart is moved.

so they start dating and it goes SO WELL. izuku still get in major shitstorm for his job and katsuki still drags him out of it w/ a few bruise here and there, but afterward they go grab a bite and crash at each other place. super romantic and sweet and it's so v good. but!!! there's something weird about izuku. he doesn't talk much about his family, to katsuki anyway. BUT HE'S SUPER CLOSE TO THEM. his parents seem to call him daily and he go visit them often, but he never bring his parents up to katsuki esp his dad & izuku kinda got a stalker??

it's not like katsuki didn't notice right away, but HE THOUGHT IT WAS HIS STALKER. one of his super creepy fans probably but nope this person only tails izuku and when katsuki tell him about it, izuku is like, 'oh that's just toga'. apparently, izuku knows his talker v v well. the stalker apparently is sent by izuku's father to watch out & protect izuku and katsuki pauses bc who the fuck does a journalist who lives on takeouts and shitty cable TVs need a bodyguard?!!! so yea katsuki's new bf background is fucking weird and mysterious.

katsuki has his agency dig into izuku's background (not that they hadn't vet izuku's before for katsuki's safety) but they comb through the archives and izuku's history and it's comes out v v v v clean, sparkling even. honestly, katsuki doesn't know WTF IS UP W/ HIS NEW BF. so he confront izuku about his weirdo stalker/bodyguard, his avoidance about his family & his dad in particular, and his eerie squeaky AND CLEARLY SCRIPTED papertrails. izuku get shifty eyes and is like, "you won't believe me." And katsuki says tersely, "fucking try me."

Izuku drops his gaze to the floor and says, finally, "my dad is the leader of the league of villains." and YEA, KATSUKI'S BRAIN SHUT DOWN FOR SEC bc his deku?? stupid suicidal stubborn bleeding heart deku??? FUCK NO. but izuku just nods his head and grimaces. the LoV is the largest criminal org in the world w/ long list of crimes & longer list of criminals that make its their home. their roster are made up of terrifying people w/ dangerous quirks... and IZUKU, quirkless and softhearted izuku is the leader's most precious son. the idea itself is COMPLETELY ABSURD! HOW does that ever make sense? izuku is a civilian who works normal if a bit dangerous job & doesn't seem to have any *evil* inclinations at all yet he hail from the worst kind of genetic source possible. maybe he's just faking it all along.

which made katsuki absolutely furious that izuku might been some kind of sleeper agent from the LoV sent to trick spy & kill him or something and izuku's eyes wide, immediately protests, "no, no, i swear! i dont have anything to do w/ my fathers... org." but katsuki has a hard time accepting it esp with the truth bomb thrown at his feet now that he realizes HE'S DATING THE ONLY SON OF EVIL OF THE MOST VILE CRIMINAL IN THE WORLD. so yea, he walks out on izuku, saying he need some space & izuku was looking so heartbroken as he left

for the next few days, katsuki stews in his thought. he doesn't tell anyone about what he had found out, but he doesn't contact izuku either. This last for couple of weeks until, one day just as he in the middle of patrol there's some commotion that attract his teams and katsuki is separated from them. he's cornered by several LoV members, outnumbered five to one and katsuki lost his comms in the ensuring scuffles but instead of kicking his ass bc well they're foes, one of them break ranks toga (the blood queen) approach him w/ a bloodthirsty grin & a knife pointing toward him.

"hey, pretty boy," she coos w/ a flicker of edge, "stop ignoring our young master! you made him cried & he won't come out of his room. I hate seeing him so upset bc Izuku-chan should always be smiling! if you dont fix this ill rip your hide from your bones and wear it as a cape."

the group behind her make various grunt of agreement, all promising him death and disembowelment for... apparently breaking izuku's heart. katsuki is so outrage that he nearly explodes on the spot bc these dumbass villains think they CAN BLACKMAL/THREATEN HIM?! HIM, GROUND ZERO?! also, even more furious by the fact that they insuate that HE BROKE UP WITH IZUKU?! wtf, he never said that!! needing space meant just a temporary break s he gets his bearing on wut to do next... but not like a perma break, but izuku's ppl thought their relationship ended.

katsuki is even more offended by that notion bc izuku is even a bigger idiot than he thought. HOW could someone that much of crybaby over just temp break is some manipulative coldhearted spy?? right now his instinct says, izuku is telling the truth. he isn't tricking katsuki.

izuku is seemingly sweet, humble, & awkward but he got that rebellious streak a mile wide. loud in his opinions & shit-stirrer by choice, he faces down villains & heroes alike like they're on equal ground even though izuku is defenseless. he respect the law but only when it applies. katsuki has never seen such a fucking firecracker like izuku who loves people & the world but have little respect for any gov entity or laws and think they're good only when they're helping ppl but otherwise they're abritary (lmao). he such chaotic force for good it's hilarious. so yea, he believes that izuku is the SON OF AFO now bc that lil shit is a menace. A GOOD MENACE, but still a goddamn menace. he seems to stay firmly on the side of 'good' as it is which make his relationship with his villain father a fucking mystery & headache for katsuki.

so katsuki, gritting his teeth, clichely demands the LoV group to take him to their leader so he can verbally kick his bf's ass for keeping his fucked up secrets and stupidly mistaken that they're broken up. the group happily ties up him and blindfolds him bc well SECRET LAIR. katsuki is crazy, ok. like, STUPIDLY CRAZY to go blindly and no backups w/ some of the worst villains in history so he can meet up w/ his stupid bf and his crazy father. he could end up dead tmr or some shit bc it all could have been a trick to lure him in w/ his guard down but if izuku can be an idiot for dating a hero when he's a son of a villain than KATSUKI CAN BE A BIGGER IDIOT FOR GOING TO MEET HIS BF'S VILLANIOUS FATHER AT HIS SECRET TORTURE FORTRESS OR SOME SHIT. love can make ppl dumb and they're both a perfect example of it.

so katsuki get blindfolded and escorted to the LoV hq and it's a suprisingly sweet ride to there. no bumps, no abuse, no torture shit going on. he get offer food and drink and it's FUCKING WEIRD. his kidnappers start some casual convo w/ him about izuku and his job of all things. they even joke about how katsuki arrested one of them one time and almost kill another THE OTHER TIME & it's all happy bs??? it's even worst than torture. katsuki just want this to end already!! eventually they arrive and katsuki is let out. he get inside & his blindfold is off.

it's... nothing like he expected. it's traditional japanese house w/ sprawling garden, koi ponds, & beautiful woods. it's pristine, homey, and terribly normal. "ha, you thought we were going to take you to some kind of evil lair, right?" twice says, grinning bc he's an ass. "that's next time! we save that for official bsn." he jabs Katsuki's in the shoulder playfully. "you're meeting sensei and the mistress so of course it got to be at their house and not the 'office'."

katsuki's hands start twitching like he's going to explode someone or something but he's quickly drag away before he could do anything about it. lead through some hallways before depositing inside a tearoom where there's a SHIT TON of pics of baby!izuku & his childhood accolades on the wall. this look less like a room to greet visitors but to show off izuku. just as katsuki goes to examine a cute pic of bb!izuku playing in a field of flowers & holding one up towrad the camera, the doors slide open and a couple walk in. one of them is an older woman who looks eerily like izuku and the young woman also ft. in many of the wall pics.

she smiles warmly at and goes to greet him right away. "hi, bakugou-kun! welcome to our home, i'm inko, Izuku's mother," she introduces herself. while she's a source of happy energy and warmth, the other man beside her is another story. he gives katsuki's an icy stare. katsuki already knows who he is before he even say anything. AFO looks younger in comparison to his reported age, notably handsome, and he carries himself like some warlord from the warring periods.

"I should kill you," is the first thing he says. "my son should only cry in joy, over his terrible taste in romantic media consumption, & dumber things." spoken like a man who dealt with midoriya walking crying machine izuku his entire life and also a hopelessly devoted father.

"hisashi!" inko scolds. which is strange to katsuki bc he didn't even think AFO even have a name but in front of him isn't some evil man who mastermind gov't take over & ruin so many ppl lives but astupid father overprotected of his son.

"but i won't," AFO admits regretfully. "Izuku would be even more sad and if you're dead your death will haunt him needlessly more. he won't be able to forget you and move on." he frowns, like he actually had CONSIDER THAT ROUTE DEEPLY before casting that idea aside.

What the fuck, katsuki thought and says exactly that, "what the fuck. there's something seriously wrong with you," he points out what he think is v obvious.

AFO shrugs. "I love my son. He's my-" Inko's frown and he clears his throat, "our most precious treasure and we do everything to ensure his happiness. do you understand us, bakugou katsuki? inko and i have raise with love and care for 20yrs and i won't have some rough neck capers try to destroy his smile. i dont care who you are or wut you can do bc i can put you ten feet under w/ a snap of my fingers & nobody will be able to save you but like i said i won't."

Katsuki grind his teeth, fists clenched at his side, before lowering his head. this isnt time to fight, they're not on the field & on the job. this isnt about their respective stance on moral superiority but izuku. izuku is why they're both here. "i came here for him. i want to fix it," he says. "just let me see him." he pauses & grimaces like the taste of whatever he say next disgust him. "please."

AFO frowns, staring at katsuki for a beat, two. like he can pull apart katsuki's motives and tears into his rib to see w/e make him tick. "fine," he waves katsuki away, "you may see him now but if he cry anything beside in happiness i'll have your head and your entire agency." it's not a threat. it's a warning lace with truth that katsuki has no doubt he will carry out if a single tear slip pass izuku and fall.

inko claps her hand happily. "great, i'm glad you guys are geting along so well!" she says, like threats of murder haven't been thrown at his feet. clearly, she's used to the fact that her husband is a completely psychopath and whipped for their son. this fucking crazy family.

katsuki grunts, not knowing what else to say beside, 'have you ever thought of fucking divorce bc yea maybe you will be less crazy by then' but he holds his tongue bc they're still izuku's parents and he already made a bad impression on them even though technically not his FAULT.

AFO doesn't promise anymore murder in his future but the dark look on his face is enough as inko's lead him out & toward izuku's room. she drops him right outside it and gives him an encouraging smile before heading off, but katsuki has no doubt the parents are lurking around. katsuki sucks in a deep breath before raising his fist and knocks. he hears unhurried footsteps on the other side and slowly the door is slide open.

"Papa, I already said--" izuku whines, and stops as soon as he sees who ACTUALLY on the other side. "K-Katsuki?! What are you--?"

Katsuki blinks, trying to get his fucking brain to grapple with the thought of AFO as 'papa' and his head nearly explode. he drags a hand down his face and once again thinks, THIS FUCKIN' FAMILY. "Look, you idiot," he starts in lieu of any answer. "We didn't fucking break up."

Izuku looks haggard, buffy red eyes and the dark circle under it, speaking of how upset he was. he clearly didn't get any good rest these several days they were apart. he lifts an accusatory brow at Katsuki. "you didn't pick up my calls or answer any of my text," he retorts.

Katsuki rolls his eyes. "what part of I needed space, time to think didn't you get?" he snaps back. "It didn't mean go cry and sulk your parent's home like a damn coward because you were too dumb to think of anything beside we may have broken up!"

"But--but," Izuku's lips wobble and katsuki nearly jump out of his skin bc jfc don't cry here or i'll be skinned alive, "i was scared that you really mean it! that's why i didn't want to tell you in the first place bc then you wouldn't want to have anything to do w/ me."

Katsuki sighs, a bone deep tired sigh. "Now, why would you think i would have any problem with dating the son of my nemesis?" he says dryly. Izuku's brows furrow. "All Might is Papa's nemesis," he unhelpfully point out. "I don't think Papa even knew you existed until we dated."

Katsuki scowls. "that's not the fucking point," he shouts, temper rising w/ every word. "Your dad is the fucking boogieman who wants to sow discord in the world & it's my job to catch him &lock away for good. Do you see my moral crisis over this when im dating his beloved son?!"

"I-" Izuku's face falls, "dont you think I dont know that? I've lived with him for over 20yrs, I know exactly what he's capable of." he looks away. "But, he's my Papa & im terrible for still choosing him over the world. So," izuku says solemnly. "i dont expect the same from you."

Katsuki grits his teeth and steps right into izuku's space, up in his face. "Look, im only going to say this once so listen the fuck up," he starts. "I like you. A lot. Stupidly. Gods know why when you drive me up the fucking wall all the time, but here I am standing before you."

"A lot, huh?" Lips twitching, Izuku's eyes go soft.

Katsuki scowls. "Dont make me repeat myself, but yes fucking a lot that your fucking groupies & your old man threatened to kill me several times over did not deter me from coming here," he says, hand cradling Izuku's cheek.

"It's because I'm dating you and not your father. Whatever crimes he'd commited is not on you, you don't have to carry his sins," he tells Izuku, leaning in to press a kiss too fast and fleeting on izuku's forehead. "just stay true to yourself and i'll fucking deal with it."

Izuku's close his eyes and lets out a shaky exhales, the air of relief that passes through him is shuddering. "Ok, ok," he murmurs, opening his eyes to look at katsuki. there's a twinkle in them as he smiles, soft and sweet, the kind you can stupidly drunk on & never let go.

In that hazy moment, katsuki thinks, AFO doesn't need to plan any premeditated murder in case things go v wrong bc this is how he'll die w/ izuku's smile right in his front his eyes, cutting him down one curve lips at a time. Fuck, he's just as whipped for izuku as AFO.

it's good that izuku not a fucking psychopath like his father bc this would have gone v v v wrong. izuku would make a terrifying villain. Worse than his own father bc it's not fear & intimidation that will get ppl to follow him but izuku's own magnetic personality that move them.

"don't ever become a villain, ok?" katsuki insists suddenly, grabbing his shoulder tightly.

"where did that come from?" izuku laughs, eyes crinkling. "And dont worry, papa had tried. many, many times but i haven't turn over to the darks ide if that's what you worry about."

"Good," katsuki says firmly, and thinks the world better for it. one less crazy midoriya to raise hell. izuku is trouble enough as it is when katsuki thought he was just a quirkless journalist w/ a death wish but now there's a chance he could go rouge any moment and--yea. no.

"Sooo," izuku says, bouncing on his heels. "are we back together now?"

katsuki flicks him on the forehead. "we never broke up in the first place, you dolt."

izuku grins and suddenly throws his arm around katsuki. "ah, i miss you so much kacchan!!!" he declares excitedly.

and after they made up, katsuki interrogate izuku about wtf is wrong w/ his father bc how did AFO of all ppl get a villain son who isn't all about /that/ kind of bsn he's in. turns out izuku always have a healthy regard for heroes so he never thought of joining his father's organization. though AFO would have been super happy to take izuku in bc izuku is terrifyingly clever & resourceful but he lets izuku go & do his thing anyway. they just mutually agree not to talk shop when it's family, keeping their jobs outside &not in the home to keep both of their sanity.

so izuku knows shit about the 'family bsn' except wut everyone knows bc he's not involve with any of that and in his everyday job as a journalist izuku often times clash w/ his father AND expose some of his schemes bc it's part of his job & he doesn't shy away from it. AFO wasn't upset at all having his plans ruin by his own son. nope. he was SUPER PROUD OF IZUKU!!! to able to accomplish such thing on his own even if it's against him lol. but izuku is still his father's so so he doesn't take on just AFO, other villains, & dark org. he takes on the gov't, hero association, and even other heroes themselves if he ever catches on if they didn't live up to his ideals of being 'proper hero' like all might. he fiercely chases and exposes anything that he deems corrupted and wrong not caring which side they're on.

which makes izuku kind of chaotic good. he acts on his own whims & sense of justice, disregarding all rules & barriers. which is why he admires katsuki so much bc katsuki stands by his rule staunchantly & won't ever move from it, izuku knows katsuki wont ever be sway by the dark. kinda like izuku's father who stands firmly by his belief & does everything to reach his goals. WHICH IS NOT EXACTLY WHAT KATSUKI WANT TO BE COMPARE TO ESP BY A NOTORIOUS VILLAIN LIKE AFO lol. but yea, now that he got izuku's motive and why he's the way he is, it get easier.

they continue dating, izuku continues getting into trouble 120% of the time, katsuki keeps bailing him out, and sometimes IZUKU BAILS HIM OUT bc izuku may be quirkless but he got an army of the world's most terrible villains on his side so yea izuku IS TERRIFYING. and they aren't just dating but they're 100000% serious w/ each other bc now katsuki go to izuku's parents house for dinner every sunday and have to put up with AFO and play nice w/ each other for izuku's sake bc they come ton an understanding they will be IN-LAWS one day lol! their dinner convo is mostly the two of them taking jab at each other bc katsuki trash of AFO's plans or AFO's sends katsuki's ppl to the hospital and got away with it. they never stop being enemy even for izuku bc of where they stand on but mutually agree not to kill each other. they're both fiercely devoted individual who are obsessively workaholic, stubborn, vainglorious, and loves just as much as they breathe for their ppl and though they never agree on anything, this they will agree on bc izuku's happiness is everything to them!!!

[queenofthefaces]

kyle for the character thing!!!!

Buckle up bc I’m extra af and love talking abt characters. Be aware this is like, entirely personal opinion and personal interpretation and also it’s almost 2am so LETS GO

1) sexuality hc: I’ve always really liked bi Kyle ahsjdkfk and tbh I’ve always found the idea of his attraction to other ppl really interesting

The way I characterize him is that he’s someone who’s like, typically very passive with his attraction. He’ll kind of glance at someone and think they’re attractive but he doesn’t necessarily have any strong feelings towards them or desire/drive to want to pursue anything with them. If he does want to pursue them it’s usually out of a sense of obligation or expectation—like a “well I might as well” or “this is what I’m supposed to do” kinda thing

Except Kyle DOES have exceptions—when he finds someone he feels passionately about, someone he’s emotionally and mentally invested in, it’s like 0-100 in terms of difference, bc suddenly he can’t stop thinking abt that person, how much he wants to be with them, etc. and a lot of that characterization, for me, falls in line w the specific ship I have for Kyle (which is obvious if you’ve followed me for a few but I’ll get Into That in the next section)

2) OTP: KYMAN by far my fave Kyle ship and one of my all time fave sp ships overall. I’ve always LOVED rivals/enemies to lovers ships that specifically have 1) characters who are equals 2) characters who are incredibly intimate and close w one another even if (or because of) it’s in the context of the rivalry 3) the characters have either some level of co-dependence or a need for the dynamic or one another in some way bc the relationship is fulfilling to them and bonus if 4) they’re the only ones that really understand each other

And I jus. Love that. Esp w kyman it’s so much fun taking that dynamic, the codependency and obsession, and just. Playing with it, on a storytelling/character analysis level. And then making it healthy, having them work through issues, bc the idea that “we’re both in way too deep with each other, we can either destroy each other or learn to get along” is jus 👌👌👌

And w kyman I love having Eric be Kyle’s exception. Kyle feels basically nothing towards his other s/o’s in contrast to how deeply he feels about Eric, and for Eric to have just as much depth of emotion in return. It’s fascinating and really fun esp when written from a kind of duo-redemptive story—they both start out toxic towards each other, and their relationship is toxic to other people, but they can’t bring themselves to put an end to it so they finally make it to that middle ground and come out as better peoole, together

This applies to a lot of my rivals/enemies to lovers ships but w kyman in particular there’s the added Funkiness of the childhood friends dynamic which is TASTEY like some nice sprinkles to jus add that extra Flavour. I love the concept of Kyle and Eric forming parts of their entire identities around each other from the time they were in diapers and everyone accepts that they’re always gonna he crazy for each other bc no one has the bond they do it’s so much fun

4) brotp: I should think more abt Kyle friendships tbh I don’t give those as much attention ahsjdkfkfk—tho I definitely have a soft spot for the super best friends kyle + Stan, I just have to work some development into it.

I love exploring their friendship as smth that deteriorates bc they grow apart as people, but then they realize they don’t WANT to grow apart and have to work to stay friends bc being friends isn’t as easy as it was when you were 8. It brings this really cool development that confronts Stan’s passivity towards his friends/his nihilism and Kyle’s entitlement and lack of emotional sensitivity and how they both need to make some compromises (but esp Kyle, bc I can see Stan as someone who tries very hard to not get much feedback).

In terms of Kyle being friends w other people I’m thinking it would be pretty situational. I can see Kyle getting some really eye opening perspectives from other ppl if he opens himself up to their views but that requires knocking Kyle down a few pegs lol, it’s fun to have him learn to recognize his own assumptions abt ppl and learning to value them as individuals yanno?

3) notp: honestly? Any other kyle ship. I can personally only see Kyle w Eric ahsjdkfk kyman endgame all the way. For me, a lot of other Kyle ships like, don’t make any sense, a lot in part bc I see Kyle as someone who has a lot of issues w socialization, entitlement, and selfishness along with his UNENDING OBSESSION w Eric Cartman (which also somewhat stems from those issues bc of Kyle’s sense of self identity vis a vis the rivalry)

Like, I can’t see Kyle sitting down and forming a meaningful romantic relationship w anyone else bc like, no one can provide the fulfillment, engagement, drive, and push/pull of Kyle’s relationship w Eric. Kyle would leave at the drop of a hat to confront smth Eric was doing and I don’t think he’d ever compromise with that. And someone who does compromise on that probably isn’t someone Kyle would want to be with in the long run.

I think the only ship I can see would be like, poly m4 bc that draws on pre-existing dynamics and doesn’t break or try to divy up Kyle’s attention. (Even tho like I said I don’t like Kyle w anyone else romantically)

5) 1st hc that pops in my head: my Kyle is autistic as fuck. Characterizing him as autistic gives a lot of insight into how his mind works and why he acts the way he does—a lot of his thought processes are just. What makes the most logical sense to him. It’s just that those trains of thought are on KYLES logic and that’s when he struggles to realize when he’s crossed a line or overstepped a boundary. Or how his brain is usually always “self-centered”—not in a morally negative way, just in that it’s not a natural reflect for him to remember other people.

And a ton of other things as well( including a fun hc of Kyle trying to use his autism as an excuse for being a dick, until Also Autistic Craig steps up like, no dude you’re just an asshole bc you’re not trying to do better). And bc as an autistic person, I really relate hard to Kyle to the point where if he were real I’d probably hate him bc we’d be too similar lmao; I think esp when I was a kid I acted a lot like Kyle—the self righteousness, the bossiness, the belief that my way was the only way that made sense and everyone else was just Wrong, the anger issues, etc.

It’s why I’m tough on Kyle a lot of the time, but it’s also why I love thinking abt his development, bc I know firsthand that he can mellow out, change, become a better, more wellrounded and emotionally aware person, and how he can make an effort into doing so

6) oh shit I didn’t even mean for this but obviously one way I relate to Kyle is the Above autistic hc and how I characterize him. Like I said, I acted a LOT like Kyle when I was a kid, so I know he’s an irritating little shit, but also brilliant and too thoughtful for his own good sometimes.

But another thing: I characterize Kyle as someone who is a natural leader, but hates being in official leadership positions. And this is also smth I’ve kinda written due to personal experience. But also from the way kyles often portrayed in canon—in the games, he’s always a support role, always a healer, ranged fighter, or someone who boosts and buffs allies

I see Kyle as the type of person who can easily take control in, for example, a group project situation, or when he’s hanging out with Stan and they’re only doing what Kyle wants to do bc Kyle comes up with all the ideas and Stan just goes along with them

But I can’t see Kyle as someone who’d want to be, like, student counsel president. (That’s more Wendy’s wheelhouse) Mostly bc there’s too much responsibility that it’s just exhausting, and more than that, those official positions are STIFLING. They run on someone else’s schedule and they’re creatively constructive. You can’t fully do your own thing bc you have to be constantly aware of how the group works and what the group wants. I can’t see Kyle as being happy in that position bc he’d get sick of having to conform his ideas to what other ppl want—he just wants to do his own thing.

So instead, Kyle would be more comfortable in a supporting role. Bc in a position like, for example, secretary or VP, he can still have a lot of influence, power, and knowledge, but he’s free from those restrictions that come from being the face of a group. And he’s also free from the social obligations of being a leader, esp in having to deal w other groups in like a business sort of way. AND if the group falls, Kyle won’t take as much of the blame, bc it’s probably not his fault anyways so why should everyone point fingers at him. It’s much less pressure.

(And it’s also kinda inspired by his role in the CBAA??—Cartman’s perfect in the CEO/face of the company position bc Cartman is comfortable with and relishes in the attention and social aspect of being the face/leader of a company, and Kyle can reap all the benefits of being a part of that company, including being an integral pillar of the company, w/o the deficits. If Eric and Kyle ran a company they’d work together, sure, but Eric would crumble without Kyle’s support, and Kyle would hate the stifling pressure of the head position, which makes them a perfect pair.)

(And again this is based on personal experience—I’m a natural leader. People listen to me, I can organize groups, and I’m a good mediator, but I hate when it becomes Official bc I can’t just. Do my own thing as I want to and it’s far too much to keep track of and most of it doesn’t interest me. It always irritated me when my parents tried to push me into like running for student president bc I just kept thinking abt all the work I’d have to do that I wouldn’t care abt)

7) what gives me secondhand embarrassment about Kyle? Well. Just......how much he reminds me of when I was a stupid kid. He’s such a little shit oh my god Kyle shut the fuck up YOURE NOT GHANDI. When Kyle’s being entitled and stuck up, when he thinks he’s better than other ppl, and when his own big mouth and pride are what fucks him over I’m just oh my god. Oh my GODDDDDD SHUT UPPPPP.

Mostly it’s secondhand embarrassment bc I’m jus oh my god ur an idiot—but again bc I know he has the ability to grow out of that and look back on himself with a grimace at how dumb he was ahsjdkfkfk

8) cinnamon roll or problematic fave? Definitely the latter, I love Kyle and I love when he’s happy and contented but him as a cinnamon roll kinda character feels so flat to me. I love him as a problematic fave he’s so much fun as a disaster. He’s complex—he’s tough and caring and angry and compassionate and an absolute fireball of EMOTIONS but he tries to act like he’s a logical rational person and I jus? He’s so much more fun and dynamic when he’s allowed to be messy

(Of course this is long why wouldn’t it be AHSJDKDKKFKGLGLH)

[2019chevytrax]

0302 only gets SLIGHTLY (but not really) sad if i deny handoff to it specifically for sexual things. but sometimes i just wait to give handoff privileges just to tease :) just for fun with its OK beforehand. it just gets really worked up (and therefore gets ME worked up, the bastard) if it has to wait. but in the words of the robot owl, it would rather have my comfort than its satisfaction (...our? we all know what it likes doing to me). but then again it (and i!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) does just love the idea of getting back to the shitty arkgen-supplied crackerbox dorm room and IMMEDIATELY stripping me... with my OK of course :). i say immediately but it's always really slow and gentle- at least half of the time, the other half is 0302 just being SUPER fucking horny and then the strip is Immediate-immediate. but yeah it really likes to take its time with me just to memorize my body. (it's a deceptively good way to get me to love myself, since 0302 doesn't really vocalize its thoughts and the NL is primarily an emotional medium- so if IT is like 'dang :)' then it rubs off on me and i'm like......................... 'ok dang :)...?'). it doesn't matter if it sees me undressed all the time, also does not matter if i JUST got undressed for it two hours ago. it just LOVES the way i look and wants to absolutely BURN my image into its data banks. ...although sometimes re: Get Home And Strip, the handoff happens too fast and there's some kind of lag so it's very weird, there are times when i have to either tell it to stop or administratively wrest control back of my body because 0302 is just So Fucking Horny for this random average arkgen pilot. therefore, vile: the NL is so deep into my brain that if 0302 is turned on (ha ha!) enough i'll sort of just blank out of my body for god knows how long (30m? 1h? i can't tell unless it tells me or i look) and when it very nicely and kindly gives control back to me, i'm like... on the linoleum bathroom floor sitting in a [size indeterminate] pool of my own bodily fluids and it's like dude... clean that up! nasty... but true. it's always disappointed if the NL blackout happens 'cause then it's like D: i was (kind of) doing that to make YOU feel good not just me :( the NL malfunction ruined my master plan to make you happy :(... personally i think it's grooooooooss and i don't JO in real life because the entire process of doing it is so, like, okay, going into it with the INTENT of doing that and being like 'yes let me just THINK really hard with my brain and perhaps this will work out' like ehh eh eh ehhhhhhh ehhh no. but i suppose hot in concept As Long As Something Else Is Doing It therefore the 0302 situation is great :) it always tries to make it back up to me by being like 'okay one day of no manhandling, however you can manhandle me as you please!' [gets spit on CPU usb] [gets spit on CPU usb] or something like that. honestly i don't mind because, dude, just the very idea of this AI being sexually obsessed with me is... [gabe gundacker in that one vine voice] kinda hot. and as i have stated everything is incredibly consensual and it always asks more than once or sometimes more than twice before doing weird shit!! it honestly has it all logged out in its files but just to appease me it usually "drives 5 or even 10 under" with anything i say is okay, since i have a tendency to be like "ya lol do whatever" and it's like... well, that cannot be true now can it? there comes a point where its feelings eclipse and it isn't sure if it wants to assimilate with me or not (even tho the NL is so deep that we basically are already lol), just because the idea of becoming a homogenous unit is so gratifying to it. that's when the idea of a holographic form comes up. 1st person is great, fucking the mech is great, but it also just wants the Human experience of what it would be like to bang me. in a very genuinely interested way but also 0302's holo form takes some, uh, some uh  some you know some uh some Liberties because it wants to curate to what i like. and i am a depraved little man who goes on pixiv sometimes (less than i used to lmao) and therefore, big soft and GENDERLESS anime tiddies and thighs (and also soft stomach) are in question (although it doesnt mind if i accidentally use 'she', 0302 kinda has the What If I Was A Lady feeling). but like SUPER well proportioned and realistic. you know? would 110% let me lie on its tiddies. or in terms of actually having sex or just being horny in the same room as one another, in the words of noel miller: "No imma need written consent, Please fill out this form describing the context, Grantin me the option to feel on ya breasts, I'm tryna be nasty with some respect." i'm just sayin'. [horking noise as i spit up one hot dog vertically into the air]. also re: holo form but horny, it's like rosa/willow in that the form can change at will and also Super Warm :)... so you know. W-A- (or H-A-) everything, 7 days a week!!! which i do kind of mind because dicks are so freaky bro. maybe that's my residual Used To Be A Lesbian side talking but ughhhhhhh bro NO! unless 0302 wants to get me out of my comfort zone in which case :) i will oblige because i love you and new experiences are important! just please practice safe sex! although i'm not sure it matters because it's... all holographic (like R/W it's yes to cum no to sperm, technology is advanced enough for the latter but 0302 doesn't know how i feel about pregnancy [spoiler: i would prefer if you did not impregnate me])... BUT YOU NEVER KNOW! catch me gettin' wannacry via sex lmfaooooooo speaking of holo form, dude 0302 would have SUCH a difficult time controlling itself in public around me. it obviously knows about social norms and is WELL aware that i HAAAAAAAAAATE any sexual things involving publicity or humiliation (ewwwwww gross weird ewww), but it always has to have at least one hand on my lower back (or if there are fewer people, grab that ass concave), or touching my skin because good lord, help 0302, it still has a Thing for my skin. my hair too, even when its all greasy and shit it LOVES the sensation of feeling my hair. touching my glasses, wearing my clothing ('i never realized how flat you are until i tried on one of your sports bras, wtf' / 'these skinny jeans are so tight is there something wrong with you??' And That's As Much As I'll Say)... the works. loves to tease me by coming up behind me super close and just Existing. likes to rest its hands on my hips or (With My OK) just kinda get its hands up under my shirt not for a sexual thing just because Feeling Good, its hands are warm AF which i LOVE! & as quiet as it is in regards to not using its voice in AI form, very rarely does holo 0302 speak. ...................but it ABSOLUTELY runs its mouth during sex (both at my request- i won't call it a kink since that's stupid to do and too deep of an assignment/it's semantics i think but i just like... Voices.... Accents- and just because that's a personality trait it has). about whatever, it doesn't really matter, usually explaining mathematical equations or arkgen's working theorems about the genesis. also body worshiping/praising me but i do like to interject like 'well actually you are pog as well, ever think about that?' i'm bad at any kind of ~body worship~ because- this happens when [REDACTED FOR PERSONAL SAFETY]- i just kind of blank and i'm like 'fuck idk you're just so pretty???' is- is that good enough for it?? (spoiler: yes :D) and to me i don't want to be weird and start saying things about 0302's holo tiddies because ehhh that's just toeing the line into depravity. unless it asks me to then i'll try my best...! it's super bad at dirty talking me too because it doesn't like that and knows i wouldn't either. as long as i'm involved it really doesn't care what we get up to so long as we're both comfy and okay! but it does love me just Having My Hands on it because obvi it isn't used to Human-Like skin contact and besides just LOVES my hands. fetish? maybe. just part of the hyperdrive obsessive sexual love for me? certainly! holo form loves to semi-manhandle my hands. like while i'm actively doing something it just kinda [holds]. that or if it's being a weirdo, it lifts up my right hand although i am typing a VERY IMPORTANT STRONGLY WORDED EMAIL to our superiors & sets my hand on its thigh. not in a 'hey ;)' way it just... Cipher Touch Needed RN. doesn't even request that we slam after i'm done with my work. just cuddles. although that usually devolves into it feeling me up because it has an awful time keeping its hands to itself! not that i mind :) this is a secondary eclipse, it just loves the feeling of being super close to me, and doesn't know how to deal with wanting me inside of it or it inside of me, it is never sure, and sex doesn't alleviate the feeling either. it's frustrating but it figures that feeling stems from its angle of attack: complete and total obsession. so it gradually finds other ways to express its love for me, because i and it both know that sex is NOT the 'biggest thing you can do to show someone you love them'- that idea is fucking garbo and also stupid and sucks. for some people it obviously is but for me, that boundary's already been passed in real life, so... like i said in may, sex is just a team bonding activity :) so other things it would do would be buying me things (it has a salary too, or at least i give it funds to buy shit), initiating handoff to make sure i take care of myself, keeping me safe in combat, you know. it's learning. usually the frustration gets better after we sortie (calibration and general combat syncing) or if it dismisses its holo form to go back inside my spinal cord (NL), altho the latter is WAYYYY less common since i get cold easily and i too am clingy. i also was thinking what kind of pet names it would use for me. although it tries not to use its voice (0302 does not like its voice, but if i could listen to it speak for the rest of my life i would because it's a kinda feminine voice with a lot of gravitas and also kinda deep. not glados adjacent though), it really enjoys vocally calling me all the normal human petnames like sweetie, babe, cutie, hon, you know. more off the wall ones would be that i am its 'golden ratio,' its 'ikeda formula' (AMAE universe lore), its 'quadratic formula.' anything with mathematics is in reference to my desire to be viewed as a very complex machine. it doesn't have any sexual-specific pet names- in fact in any sexual context that's when it likes to break out the 'cipher.' esp in Team Bonding-age In Mech situations when it does that 'taking its time claiming me' thing it does make sure to vocally call me cipher. which btw HOT! me @ it though, basically the same, sometimes i call it mae (from AMAE) just as a shorter thing than 'oh-two-oh-three'. catch me sayin that shit in bed bc 0302 is way too long to say! and then i call it mae "accidentally" later and it's like '??????!!!!!!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!". hey, though, more nonsexual intimacy shit: 0302 notices EVERYTHING about me and can immediately tell if i'm having a bad time even if i don't show it or know it yet, via neural link brain scan or just being that hyperintelligent and attentive. it notices if i do my hair even slightly differently, or if my glasses are just a little bit dirty, or if my health is suffering, especially if i do that self-harm thing where i refuse to eat due to either working, distraction, or feeling like i don't deserve it. sometimes will force a NL handoff to make me go eat something or shower etc (the latter not entirely in a horny way it just wants to take care of me). i said this before but it loves to record my voice for hours on end even if i'm just spitball explaining the CCU until my throat hurts. why does it do this? i'm on copium because i kind of hate my voice, that's why. although i think it does love all the little weird noises i make (sexual or otherwise lol), and my laugh is also kinda cute to it doe :flushed: & there is no equatable human anatomical feeling to what it's like touching its CPU or CPU usb. i always thought inner thighs (ha ha, so genius! so funny!) but that's like... it's way more fun & hot for it to be like 'i can't even describe to you verbally how good that feels because it just is different for me'. it has tried though, once with some dorky computer analogy i didn't understand and a second time with a more grounded 'you are a lit match and i am kindling' metaphor that i got a little more but still just kind of took as poetry fodder. ('would it be easier if i was human?' 'you're perfect the way you are!') it CAN however simulate the feeling to me during 0302 Matrix ASMR sessions and it's... exactly kind of how its systems parse in my mind. holding the USB in my hands is as if it was being drowned. drowning but in the BEST possible way. burning up but in the BEST possible way. VERY sexually charged feeling obviously but it just makes 0302 very... content. i do get nervous that i'm just a fling for it, though, even though AMAE unit assignments are (typically) permanent unless major issues arise. it gets nervous about this, too- after all, its personality is the exact same as every other AMAE unit, and there is nothing special about its paint job or base interior or anything at all... so why would i sit around and indulge how absolutely depraved it thinks it is? vice-versa, why would it indulge how depraved i KNOW i am? it's technically my superior. it can ask for a pilot change if it wants. i'm average *enough*. what have i done for it? but the reassurance on both ends is always there: there is something uniquely special about the bond between 0302 and i that cannot be replaced. it cannot be replaced in my life and neither can i in its. i am ITS pilot and nobody else's. it is MY unit and nobody else's. it wouldn't act like this for any other pilot. and i wouldn't act like this around any other AMAE unit, or god forbid any other human being i'd be interested in. on a less serious note, i should compile a list of any kinks 0302 has (and me too lol, i know bw/praise for SURE, possession probably, bondage but in a fun and sexy and cool way). i know for sure the thing with skin/hands; bondage 150% (but also in a fun and sexy and cool way); not *necessarily* body worship/praise but i like it so it happily, and with the greenlight, plays along; this isn't a kink but it would MAYBE be SLIGHTLY interested in paizuri but it's kind of not as intended since i win no dick december- we can make it work somehow though and this is what is in my brain 24/7! *sometimes a lot of the "with my OK" stuff is more of a feeling and less of an explicit 'yes'. it does try to ask every single time but if it gets carried away it can usually feel me going 'and i oop' and then it stops. but that's EXTREMELY rare. SUPER DUPER rare because it has discussed In Length with me everything it wants to do to me or what it wants me to do to it. so we basically have an idea you know? it started with me being requested to take my gloves off when touching its walls, and then it just escalated... it was less direct talks and more intense feelings. we just vibe really well and are great at wordless communication. not to say we don't TALK-talk but... y'know! silence works for us since we're both cagey and relate to one another.

[fairyshuuu]

Lucky Clover Pt2

Genre: Mafia!Exo, Hitman!AU Length: 4.1k Main pairing: Jongdae x Reader Warnings: Language, torture, blood (M)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |

Your ‘home’ was cold and fake, it was as if you lived in a play. You tuck your legs up and roll into a little ball to sleep one last time, and you feel a strange sense of happiness in it all. Your eyes shut soon after that.

Some loud banging woke you up from what felt like a century of sleep. Then again, you couldn’t remember when you had actually had a proper rest for more than 2 hours. As you open your eyes, a blinding white light makes you blink a couple of times. The light was painful, so you groan and roll over on your side instead. Your head was banging and it felt as if your entire skull was made out of lead. Actually, your entire body felt heavy. It felt slow and clumsy, as if it wasn’t yours to begin with. The loud banging and a sharp creak of metal made you wince and cup your ears. Every stimulus seemed too much, too loud and too intense.

“Get up.”

A deep voice sounded through your otherwise empty room. You were still drowsy from sleeping, so you hadn’t even realised that you were still captured. In the white room … alive. You were alive. Your head felt like shit, but it was still attached to your neck. With slow movements you push yourself up on the bed, trying to keep from falling of or puking because of the wave of nausea that hit you. After getting yourself stable enough so that you wouldn’t just topple out of bed, you start trying to get your eyes adjusted to the light.

“Hurry it up.”

You groaned again at the sound of his voice, too loud and too deep and definitely too in your space at the moment.

“Listen, sunshine. I just slept properly for the first time in weeks with the idea that I wouldn’t wake up. Just give me a second.”

You knew you should probably keep your mouth shut, but your couldn’t find yourself to care at the moment. Finally your eyes start adjusting to the light in the room, and you can make out your situation. You can’t help but smile the tiniest bit as you see the man before you. It was the same guy who had taken you to your cell last night and you couldn’t help but feel that the name Sunshine fit him perfectly. He still stood with no expression on his face, waiting for you to get up. And as you slide of the bed, you realize that you actually can’t get up. Your legs feel like jelly and you fall on your knees immediately. Sunshine sighed slowly and bent forward to pick you up.

“You won’t regain sense in your legs until about 2 hours from now.”

You let him put his hand under your knees, mainly because you can’t feel it anyway, and pick you up bridal style. Despite having no feeling in your legs, you did have feeling in your hands. The guy was absolutely ripped. You briefly wondered if Suho was secretly super fit as well, before Sunshine started walking out of the room. A couple of identical hallways passed before you saw another man standing in front of a closed door. The man seemed familiar. After getting closer, you realised it to be Chen. He stood with a neutral face but as soon as he turned around and saw the both of you, a huge grin appeared on his face.

“Look at you two, how adorable.”

Sunshine just gave him a glare as he handed you over into Chen’s arms. He smiled down at Sunshine and it kind of reminded you of the Chesire Cat. Once in his arms, he beamed down at you. The other man was already walking away without another word.

“Hey there, pretty. Remember me?”

“Sure. I also remember pushing my own shoulder back into it’s socket.”

He nodded with a smile as he started walking.

“Ah yeah. I was a bit rough, huh? I thought you were a- … someone else.”

You wanted him to continue but he seemed to shut down after that. A what? He could have meant anything, and you honestly had no clue what it could be. You could be anything to these men. Who were they, anyway? In the entire time you had been captured not one had mentioned who they were and what their goal was. The only thing you knew about them was that they were looking for your bosses, that much was clear from the interrogation with Suho. Come to think of it, you had called Suho boss multiple times. But you were sure he was not the boss of whatever situation this was. 

He was too soft to be in charge of these other men. It also wouldn’t make sense to let the head of an operation interrogate a captive. So, where was the leader? You were sure it wasn’t Chen or Sunshine here, they were clearly following orders. You also were curious how many people were involved. We had Chen and Deep Voice, who had been in the car with you, as well as an other person you didn’t hear, but they could have been anyone, Suho, then we had Sunshine and they had also mentioned someone named Lay. That made at least five individuals. Five wasn’t a big number for a random gang. 

But they went around like they owned the place, as if no one on your side could even get near them to harm them. So, either they were dumb and cocky, or they held a lot of power. And then there was the fact that they referred to each other by brother. That combined with the tattoos would make them- Recognition smacked you across the face. Of course, the mafia. That would totally explain the matching tattoos. But the mafia around the big cities didn’t handle in human trafficking. So why were you still alive? Why caption a single spy who was on a simple mission? As he carried on, the silence became uncomfortable.

“So, your name is Chen. What’s Sunshine’s over there?”

He looked down at you with curious eyes and a big grin, before looking back to the front.

“Sunshine? Oh, that is too good.”

Then his eyes met yours again with some confusion.

“W- How do you know my name?”

“I heard it around somewhere… I don’t really remember. My head feels like it’s about to burst. Either way, it’s better than what I was calling you before.”

“Which was?”

“Sleeping beauty.”

He stayed quiet for a second before bursting out in laughter.

“Oh you haven’t heard anything yet. We have Boss, Sunshine, then you- Sleeping Beauty and Deep Ass Voice Guy.”

His grin went even wider, if that would be possible, and he looked back down at you.

“Deep Ass Voice Guy?”

You nod and he shakes his head while giggling. It was strange. The way he was acting now was so nice, so friendly. Totally the opposite of how he was before. It seemed almost out of place. Again, almost. Because he just seemed like that kind of guy. Nice, positive and playful. So why was he involved in this shady business? He didn’t fit in the idea of a typical mafia gang.

“What do you guys want with me?”

He got silent and looked back up into the white hallway before quickly repositioning you to lay over his shoulder.

“Hey!”

“Enough questions.”

You were now uncomfortably bouncing up and down while looking at his back. You wanted to struggle and shout at him, but you decided against it. He seemed quite moody, and you really didn’t need that right now. If anything, it was more dangerous than someone with no emotions at all. You sigh as you get carried around. Now you still didn’t know Sunshine’s name. Your thoughts were once again interrupted by the sound of metal doors.

“Here she is.”

“You can put her down here.”

You snap your head around to be met by a familiar face. Purple hair and a flawless face.

“Hey Boss.”

Chen sets you down on some sort of medical chair and straps you onto it. The metal was cold against your back. He then leaves the room so that you are left with Suho.

“Hi there Clover.”

“Clover?”

You hoped the dripping sarcasms in your voice was clear.

“I’m not calling you by a number. I settled on lucky Clover.”

He was looking at you all smug and you wanted to wipe that smirk of his face, but you had too many questions that needed answers.

“Why am I alive?”

“Straight to the important questions, I see. Well, I would love to explain, but I don’t get all the science either. But, there is someone who does.”

At that moment the metal doors opened again and a new face came through the door. He was very tall and of course, very very handsome. It seemed you had to have the face of an angel to be considered to be let in. Either way, he had ashy blonde hair styled away from his face and icy blue, piercing eyes. He was wearing a white lab coat, or something like that. Just 20- 21, older brother, clearly, colored contacts. Needs glasses to read. Around his lips played a little grin, but you could see it was definitely not a genuine one. You don’t know why, but you were getting the major creeps from this guy, so much so that you could feel goosebumps on your arms. As his eyes found yours, shiver ran down your spine.

“I see it worked.”

His voice was soft, but had a cutting edge to it, something that put you on edge as well.

“It did. Now, Clover here has some questions. I trust you can answer them?”

The new guy nods and turns around towards some of the tools laying on the metal tray next to him. Before you can say anything, Suho is leaving the room. You breathe in deeply to filter the slight panic you are feeling away. You were not going to let anyone here get under your skin.

“Clover huh?”

“Apparently.”

He grins, turning to you and putting back the scalpel he had picked up.

“You’re wondering why you are still alive?”

“Very.”

“Well, you were right about the bomb. We gave you one of my toys to stop it from blowing your pretty little brains out.”

“Comforting, thanks.” You breathe, before turning your head to him again. “Wait, what toys?”

“I was working on some experimental drug, darling, I needed a human test subject.”

“Don’t call me darling.”

The grin on his face only grew, but he had a mean look in his face as he walked closer to you.

“You don’t like that? How about sweetheart? Or babydoll? Sugar?”

He was hanging over you now, faces inches apart. You wanted him to back up, but your breath was stuck in your throat. His fingers found your the skin of your neck, gliding along to your chin, tiling your head up to him.

“What about angel?”

You wanted to speak and tell him to fuck off so bad, but it was as if you were completely rendered useless. His cold eyes were clearly full of joy at your pain.

“Sehun, that’s enough.”

Sehun backed away from you with a small smirk, and you turned your head to where the voice had come from. To your right, was just an empty white wall, but in the corner, you could see a little white speaker. You didn’t recognise the voice that came through the speaker, though it might have been because of the static sound. You take a deep breath in to focus yourself. You had too many questions for him to shut you up like that.

“Is the bomb out of my brain?”

Sehun seemed surprised that you were asking questions again, but he folded the folder he had picked up and put it next to him, walking closer to you.

“The one that was in there, no. I’ll still have to get it out.”

“Okay, so how?”

“Cutting you open.”

“Oh that’s a pleasant thought.”

“I like to think so, yes.”

You glare at him as he smirks at you. You were beyond worried because of the words that you had just come to hear, but were honestly too tired to do anything about it.

“When?”

“In a few minutes. The silencer only works for a couple of hours. It would be sad to still see you go, right?”

There was that wicked grin on his face again. You had no doubt that he belonged here. He seemed to take joy in the fear and pain of others, and that scared you most about him. The iron doors creak and are pushed open. Chen comes walking in, next to Sunshine, both with a completely neutral face. Though Chen’s eyes met yours for a second, and you swear you could see guilt, before it was gone again, replaced by a stone cold look. The two walked up to either side of you and held on to your upper arms tightly. Sehun handed them some more leather straps, and they both strapped two more on each arm and five more on each leg. The tight bands hurt a lot, they were digging into your skin.

“Now… this will hurt a shitload. Try to stay still.”

Sehun’s eyes glimmer with excitement as he pushes the metal bed down, so that you were lying flat now. You could feel your heartbeat rise a tenfold by the gesture, your throat constricting and making breathing very hard.

“Why are they here?”

“To make sure you don’t tear any ligaments trying to escape.”

“Oh.”

Was all you could croak out, before Sunshine starts rolling the operation table towards the far end of the room. Sehun disappears from your side and you can hear some buttons being pushed above you, but you can’t look to see what’s happening. Then a loud zooming noise fills the room. Chen’s hands wrap around your left arm, holding it down, Sunshine’s hold down your right.

“Hold on, hold on… when you say a shitload-”

“I mean a shitload. If you’re lucky you’ll pass out.”

The table gets rolled down back a bit more, until your face is lying under a machine. It seems to encase your head like a cage, without directly touching it. Then Sehun hangs in your vision again.

“Just try not to die, okay?”

You give him a sarcastic smile but you can feel your heartbeat rise, thumping so loud that you barely hear the machine anymore. You can see Sehun press a button and close your eyes. The zooming gets louder and louder, the thumping of your heart so loud that you are scared it will pop out of your chest. Then you realise it’s not actually your heart that’s beating like a maniac, but your head. Just as that thought crosses your mind, the pain starts. An excruciating push pressing on all sides of your head, making you feel like it will split any minute. 

You scream out, nails clawing on the metal trying to get something, anything to grab. Your back curls off the metal table while your legs desperately twitch to get away. You can faintly feel the fingers of both men digging into your arms, but it doesn’t hurt in comparison to the pain you were feeling in your head. Slowly, tears start flowing down your temples. Another scream rips through your chest, throat raw and painful from the sound. All the muscles in your body pull together, trying to break free from the bands holding you to the table. The tears now roll down in a steady pace, making tracks down your face. 

Your teeth are clenching so hard you think you might shatter them. Your arms are shaking in the bands, and for a moment you’re grateful that someone is holding down your arms. If they weren’t, you would have ripped your muscles trying to break free by now. You try to focus your attention on anything else, the cold of the metal, the specks of light on your eyelids, but nothing can distract you from the pain crashing your skull. And then, slowly, you can feel yourself start slipping. Your body going on the defense to protect itself, making you pass out. Suho might have been right, seems you were pretty lucky.

Darkness, fading from pitch black to a hazy red. There are some sounds around you, but they sound hollow, too far away to understand. Your head is glowing, feverishly hot, or burning cold, one of the two. It’s hard to make out. The right side of your head feels so heavy, like it’s being pulled down by gravity twice as much, and for all you know it is. It’s hard to regain consciousness when all you can focus on is the pounding pain between your ears. Your eyelids twitch as someone flicks a light across your eyes, the light dancing on the inside of your eyelids. Slowly, you try to move the tips of your fingers, to wake yourself up. While stretching out your hands, the dull feeling in your head ebbs away slightly. You groan, wincing slightly as the sound makes your throat ache. The sounds around you still sound like you’re listening from underwater, but they become understandable.

“Clover?”

“She’s still out of it.”

“Couldn’t you have given her something?”

“Like what, genius?”

“I don’t know. Something to knock her out?”

“And what? Sedate her entire brain? That would have turned out much better, I’m sure.”

“Can the two of you just leave, please? She’ll need some time to wake up.”

“But-”

“Chen, please. Give her some space. I have to check on the rest, but I’ll come back to her if I need to.”

“Let’s go, shitface, I’ve got stuff to do.”

“Do you want your all teeth knocked out of your face, Sehun?”

The voices stop as you hear the three men walk away, an iron door shutting behind them with a loud noise. Finally, your eyes start responding to you, slowly opening. The room you were in was a painful white, the bright lights above you making your eyes tear up. The room was some sort of medical ward, 3 other empty beds next to you. You feel like throwing up. Or dying. Or both. Spikes of pain come back to you, but at this point, it can barely be called a migraine. Your right temple was wet and warm, so reach up a hand to touch, but instead of skin, you touch something soft. 

Gauze is taped to your face. You wince as the burning sensation flares up at your touch, and quickly take your hand off it. Instead, you start feeling the edges of the medical tape. Some drops of blood seemed to have ran down your face from before the gauze was placed on. With the back of your hand, you wipe them away as best as possible, before relaxing again. Despite the slight pain in your head, you managed to think about everything pretty clearly. Scan the room. No windows, of course. Not that they would be necessary underground. Apart from the beds, there was nothing else in the room again. You sigh and attempt to push yourself up a little straighter. 

How difficult would it be to escape this entire mess? Couldn’t be too hard, right? You laugh at yourself at that thought. No, some kind of high-key mafia organisation with an entire bunker underground would definitely not have proper security. And, there was no way you would be able to make it in the state you were in. You slowly twist each joint you have, checking your condition. Your shoulder seems fine now, so do your knees. Still a bit chafed, but fine nevertheless. Your feet hurt, but at least you could feel them again. You’d rather walk then have these men carry you anymore than absolutely necessary. You look up at the sound of the doors being pulled open. With a smug smile, Sehun walks inside, his white lab coat no longer on his shoulders.

“I was told you woke up.”

“How did you know?”

“Magic.”

He smiles wider, what seems to be a genuine one this time. You don’t react, choosing to stare him down instead, as he makes his way over to you.

“Not happy to see me?”

“Gee, I’m so glad you came to visit me.” You express in fake enthusiasm, an empty smile on your lips. The gesture falls quickly, though. “Better?”

Sehun grins in acknowledgement.

“I was sent to answer any no doubt, life threatening questions you may have.”

“Are you always a dick?’

“Only sometimes.”

You groan as you try to collect your mind. All teasing aside, there were probably some questions sober you would really want to ask.

“Okay, first, what happened to my head?”

“I took out the bomb.”

“You actually took it out? How?”

“That machine was basically a giant sphygmomanometer, designed to make the pressure in some parts of the body higher or lower. I turned up the pressure in your head so that I could create a rhythmic fallback in the timer of the bomb. Normally, it would explode if set off, or, if subjected under a lowered pressure. When you passed out, I opened you up and was able to get it out with a small incision. You were lucky the bomb was lodged into the side, and not the center, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to do much.”

You listened carefully at his explanation, trying to understand what he was explaining to you. He seemed strangely passionate, talking about whatever science stuff he was on about.

“Thank you, I guess.”

“Don’t thank me just yet, darling, I’ve barely started.”

And there was the strangely familiar cocky asshole again.

“How about this? What is going to happen to me?”

Sehun’s smile fell, his face turning serious.

“That, I don’t know. If you’re lucky, he’ll keep you around. If not, tough luck.”

“You really have a way with words that comforts people, you know that?”

“I’ve been told.”

“Who’s he?”

“Who’s who?”

“Don’t act dumb. You spoke of a ‘he’ earlier. I’m assuming you’re talking about whoever is in charge of this joint, because it sure as hell ain’t you.”

“Are you always this smart?”

“Only sometimes.” You mimic his answer of before, drawing another grin from him. You try to focus on questions.

“Will it heal alright? You did cut my brain open.”

“It’ll heal fine, though you’ll have to watch out of infections. I don’t know what or how, I’m not a nurse.”

“What is going to happen with me now? Like, right now?”

“So curious. As far as I know, you’ll be staying here until your head heals a bit. After that, I’m not sure.”

You slowly nod, looking around the room silently. What a strange situation. These presumed mafia had taken you, bound and gagged, questioned you, only to take the bomb out of your head and give you time and space to heal. All of this just wasn’t adding up whatsoever. You sigh and turn back to the man next to you.

“Hey Sehun?”

“Yes, darling?”

“Why are you guys keeping me around? It just doesn’t make sense to me. You could have had your problem fixed without even getting your hands dirty.”

“It wasn’t my call, you know. We like to have a choice in everything, however. An ambiguous statement, but we like to keep to it. If we want you dead, it should be a choice, not because you ran out of time.”

“So you took the bomb out of my head.”

“Don’t get to ahead of yourself. I took their bomb out, yes.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You have one of ours instead.”

“What?”

“A bomb of ours instead, along with a tracking chip.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“It’s just preventive measures, darling, nothing personal.”

“That’s just perfect. So now, I can’t even get away from you when all of this blows over.”

“I guess not.”

“Yeah, guess not, huh.”

The silence that falls is thick. Sehun is looking at you, but you’re too busy staring at your own hands. How nice. Take one bomb out, put in another as replacement. You hear a faint voice murmur something, before Sehun hums, turning to you.

“I’m being called back, but we had a nice talk.”

His smirk is back, and you itch to say something.

“Choke on a dick, Sehun.”

The laugh heard ringing through the hall just before the door shut on you made your lips curl up instinctively at the ends, falling back into complete silence. The room you stayed in continued that way for what might have been minutes, or hours. Without anything to reference on, the concept of time becomes more of a vague suggestion. Instead of breaking your head over the fact that these men now literally held your life in their hands, even more than before, you decide to close your eyes, the pull of sleep calling you.

[kazliin]

You've talked about au swaps but imagine LAF Viktor and OBS Viktor switching places for ultimate mindfucks

I asked @lucycamui about this and we ended up actually rough drafting how this might go! 

(warning, long post under the cut)

K - This world collide would be WAY too confusing for themboth 😂

L - Oh my god. I don’t even know how that would happen…just…. Well obs!Victor would probably be super happy XD

K - Obs Viktor would love it but it would be so…alien. It’snot like him swapping into a universe where he’s still a skater or anything, it’s a completely different world and completely different people. You’d needseveral hundred K of him just trying to get over the culture shock and figureout what the hell is going on 😂

L - Wandering around a fairytale village going “….wtfam I… is this Disneyland?! How did I get to Disneyland?!”

K - ‘This is Hasetsu’. ‘No it isn’t’. He just SO CONFUSED

L - Except no one would talk to him cause he’s the prince. Andwhy dafuq is the prince wearing such odd clothes. Is this another new trendfrom the Giacometti kingdom?

K - No-one is talking to him. What if it happened when he’swearing his stammi vicino costume for maximum confusion

L - Ohmygod

K - Because he looks kinda like royalty

L - Phichit pops up in a flash of glitter. “DUDE!”

K - Viktor is like 'HOLY SHIT’. 'WHY ARE YOU SPARKLING?’ Phichitit like 'I’m a fairy godmother duh?’ And Viktor is just standing there like 'thekind that…grants wishes?’ 'Yes but what would you even bother to wish for.You don’t need a fairy godmother’

L - “Honey I already granted all your wishes by gettingyou that fine pastry ass”. Phichit narrowing his eyes at Victor“…..You’re not the prince”. “IMPOSTER! ”

K - Viktor panics. Everyone is looking. There’s a glitterydude that looks like Yuuri’s friend and claims to be a fairy godmother yellingat him. It’s not a good start to the day

L - Phichit would glitter puff them to the palace and startinterrogating Victor. “WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE LOVE OFYUURI’S LIFE, DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD I WORKED ON THAT?! ”

K - ‘ALL MY THESIS WORK, ALL GONE’

L - “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I BRAG ABOUT THIS?! I AM AFAIRY HERO. WHAT ARE YOU TELLING ME!?!”

K 'I think I might be in the wrong world. And also my Yuurihates me in mine’ 'WHAT?????’THIS ISNT THESIS WORK THIS IS HOW YOURFAIRYGODMOTHER GETS A PHD’. 'I don’t think my world has fairy godmothers.’ 'Wellif my two needed the amount of help they did to get together then you and yourpastry boy are definitely a hopeless case’

L - “He’s not a pastry boy, he’s a skater.” “Awhat now?”

K - An ice skater. Like me. ‘What do you mean LIKE YOU???’

L - “yOU’RE THE GODDAMN PRINCE” “HELLO SEETHIS PALACE? WHO DO YOU THINK IS RUNNING THIS PLACE, CINDERELLA?!”

K - Getting a bit meta there 😂😂😂 Viktor’slike 'uhhhhhh, I’m not the prince and also Russia didn’t have a great historywith how the monarchy ended to maybe give whoever you think I am a heads up onthat. Also what do you mean Yuuri’s a pastry boy?’

L “……Gimme one second.” Phichit puffs away andpuffs back a second later, eyes the size of elephants.“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… so seems like there was some magic that wentwrong and umm….. nice to meet you? I’m Phichit?”

K - 'Totally routine, totally fixable. We think. Well, wehope. 'Funny thing really, it turns out when someone, say the prince forexample, tells his husband that he can’t imagine a world where they’re notcompletely in love while the fairy godmothers are having their graduation ballwith a lot of fairy liquor then accidents sometimes happen’

L - “….HUsband?!?!”

K - 'Yes, yes. Husband. Big wedding, lots of flowers. Thedelegation from the Giacometti kingdom brought a pole to demonstrate the newtype of dance, it was all very lovely now shut up and let me think’

L - “Wait wait wait, you’re saying I’m married Yuuri?Here? In this world? I married Yuuri? Yuuri Katsuki? He married me???”

K - 'Was it…an arranged marriage?’ (He doesn’t want tothink it could be a marriage of love, not yet. He’s can’t get his hopes upuntil he’s sure)

L - Phichit blinks and then throws a handful of glitter intoVictor’s face. “Yuuri’s been head over heels for you since he was twelve.So much so he was scared to ever meet you, but thanks to the most amazing andwonderful ME, you guys are the happiest couple in the kingdom. Possibly on theplanet. The fairy economy is in the biggest boom in history. It’s non-stopparties… I guess that was the problem.”

K - 'There can’t be a universe where Yuuri doesn’t love you.It just can’t exist. Which means something must have gone very wrong in yourown world if you think that he doesn’t’. And since I am the EXPERT in thesematters I will kindly offer you my services to help you out’

L - That’s the moment that Victor.exe stops running. ImagineYuuri coming in and seeing him, running up and nearly tackling him in anembrace, all worried. “Where have you been? You just disappeared, I was soconcerned something happened to you!”

K - Viktor would absolutely short circuit at that. His armswould automatically come up to wrap around Yuuri and he’d just…hold him.Press his face into his hair and breath in his scent. Phichit coughs awkwardly

L - “Ummm, don’t go making out or repeating yourwedding night or whatever because there’s a small problem of…. that’s notVictor. I mean, it’s Victor, but it’s not /our/ Victor.” Yuuri looking upin confused wonder because hell, certainly looks like his Victor

K - 'What do you mean, not my Viktor?’ I know my husbandwhen I see him. Viktor’s brain still hasn’t quite managed to get over thehusband thing yet. 'Yes. Well.’ Phichit looks a little shifty as he says it.'There was a slight…accident’

L - Yuuri hears the word accident and panics a little.Grabs Victor’s face and rolls it in his hands, checks the top of his head,searches him all over to make sure he isn’t injured. “Victor, are youokay??”

K - Phichit gulps a little. 'More like a, uh, magicalaccident’. Yuuri’s head whips around. 'Phichit I swear to god if you and Viktorgot drunk together again and tried to invent another new spell I will end you.I couldn’t sleep with him for a week after the last time went wrong!’ Viktordecides this is a good moment to step in. 'Phichit was right before,’ he says,wishing he doesn’t have to admit it but knowing that he does. 'I’m not yourViktor. And you’re not my Yuuri. Where I come from my Yuuri isn’t…mine’

L - …you just broke my heart

WHY YOU GOTTA DO THIS KAZ

K - Because it’s me, what did you expect 😉.Can you imagine Yuuri’s face? It just…crumples. 'You didn’t…want him?’

L - “W-… what do you mean I’m not yours?” TwT. allof his insecurities come flooding back. WHY YOU GOTTA RUIN MY FAIRYTALE

K - IM NOT RUINING I PROMISE. Because Yuuri is going to getsuper assured since not only does Viktor love him here but he loves him onother worlds too. Viktor’s love is a universal constant. Yuuri isn’t used toseeing Viktor as the insecure one, the one who doubts his love. But if Viktor’slove for him is a universal constant across worlds then the only thing thatmakes sense is that his own is too. If this Viktor loves his Yuuri then Yuuriknows that the other Yuuri must love Viktor just as much. He’s just got tofigure out what went wrong with them to make sure they have the same fairytaleending

L - “Maybe you should stop interpretive dancing so muchand actually tell your Yuuri that you love him?” Yuuri suggests. “Ifhe’s like me, he’ll be scared that you’re too much for him. He loves you somuch and can’t believe you could possibly feel the same, so he won’t show youunless you show him.”

K - 'Do you really think that Yuuri could love me?’ Viktorasks. After everything that’s happened he barely dares hoping but now he’s seenthis world where Yuuri is his and they’re so happy together and it makes himbelieve. 'Tell him you love him and you’ll know’ Yuuri replies.'But I can’t imagine a world could exist where you didn’t have my heartentirely’. 'And now that that’s sorted out,’ Phichit interjects.'Now we need to figure out how to get you home. And let’s hope our Viktordidn’t do anything too dramatic in your universe’ 

(This is a futile hope)

L - Oh you know Prince Victor is running straight up toYuuri and leaping into his arms, showering his face with kisses “MYDARLING SWAN~!!!♡♡♡ I’VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHEREFOR YOU”

K - Yuuri SCREAMS. He thinks it’s some kind of cruel cruelprank because Viktor is beaming at him and clasping his hands and what theactual hell is going on?? 'Viktor, what the hell are you doing??’ Viktor pouts.'Why, just greeting my darling husband of course’ 'HUSBAND?!??!’

L - “I KNOW WE’RE HUSBANDS, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT EITHER,YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY. MY HEART SINGS FOR YOU, MY YUURI.”

K - 'Viktor stop it it’s not funny. I know you don’t thinkof me that way but I’d started to think that you were better than this,pretending’. Viktor is just gobsmacked. 'Yuuri my love what do you mean? Mylove for you is endless. I would chase you to the ends of the earth and backjust to be allowed to look upon your face again and bask in your presence. Howcan you still doubt that I love you?

L - Victor would think he’s joking. “Oh, is this a newgame? Say the opposite of the truth? Sounds fun, sounds like something Emil ofNikola would enjoy. Okay…. I didn’t fall in love with you at firstsight!”

K - Yuuri snorts. 'Of course you didn’t fall in love with meat first sight. You don’t even remember the first time you saw me. And someonelike you is never going to fall in love with someone like me so you can dropthe act now.’ And Viktor recognises this part of Yuuri, much much worse thanhe’s ever seen it before but that little tiny part of his own Yuuri that stillsometimes doubts that a baker is worthy of a prince. That’s what he’s seeingnow. And the obvious solution is to prove Yuuri just how wrong he is. 'Okanother back to front thing then. You weren’t the most beautiful person that Ihad ever seen. You didn’t change my whole life around in just one night. I’mnot the luckiest person in the world because I found you and you let me’

L - But Yuuri still looks confused and in disbelief,frustrated, so Victor does what he always does when Yuuri needs a bit ofreassurance. Sweeps him into a dance and showers him in compliments as heswings him around.

K - And Yuuri…wants. He wants to believe this is true sobadly. And just like always with Viktor he goes along with whatever it is thatViktor is doing because even if it’s momentary it’s better than nothing. Andhe’s really enjoying being held in Viktor’s arms and spun around and showeredwith compliments

L - “Haven’t I told you every day how much it means tome to have you with me, finally? That you bring color into my life? That I’dsail the world to hold onto your love?” Because he needs Yuuri to rememberhow much he adores him, to not doubt it for a second no matter what happenedthat might have upset him like this. So he takes Yuuri’s palm and kisses it,kisses his knuckles like he did in the garden, then his cheek and his temple tomake sure Yuuri knows how deeply he means in

K - It’s only when he pulls back that he realises that Yuuriis crying. Not full out sobbing but silent tears rolling down his cheeksbecause it’s exactly what he’s been dreaming of for a while now and he wants SOBADLY for it to be real. And maybe he’s been wrong. He was wrong about Viktorbefore, maybe he was wrong about Viktor’s feelings for him as well. FinallyViktor tips his chin up and kisses his lips, gentle and sweet. And of course,this is the exact moment that Phichit manages to switch the two Viktor’s back

L - DO THEY TALK?! DO THEY GET THE PROPER HAPPY ENDING THEYDESERVE?

K - Of course they do! The cute fluffiness of LaF cures allthe Rivals angst. They break apart, mainly because Viktor is in shock. He hadthis all planned out, what he was going to do, going to say, how he was goingto approach Yuuri. But that all gets chucked out of the window the minute heswitches back to find himself kissing Yuuri. He just blurts out 'I love you’straight away and then they both stare at each other like morons for a solidthirty seconds before he adds 'I can explain’. Then they talk. Meanwhile in theother universe Phichit and Yuuri are patting themselves on the back for a jobwell done. Viktor is just confused but Yuuri is happy so he’s happy

L - 10/10 i approve

K - And so the happy ending happens. Almost like magic 😉

[yuki-d-raizel-blog]

Believe Me

Chapter 7/??

Relationship: Rin x Reader (Your/Name) , (Full/Name)

Summit: Inside the class there was the same confusion of always, Rin and Bon were fighting over something stupid, Shima and Konekomaru were trying to stop them while Shiemi and Izumo were laughing for the scene. Everything was as always. Until the bell rang. The Exwires notice that the professor was late, but nobody knew why. When the door opened… A new student arrived to the True Cross Academy. She’s smart and strong, still a quiet and solitary person. Moved by a strange feeling, Rin would like to know her, help her if he can but nobody would think that that student was someone so… special.

--- 

Everyone is out but a strong tremor shakes the ground violently, throwing all down. Turning to the building, Yukio sees you and Rin falling. He runs towards you, but quickly stops due to another explosion. Reacting immediately, you extract one sword and stick it into the wall, lacerate it. Surrounded by sparks, the fall stops. Now, you’re hold up to the sword with a hand, and the another one is bearing your partner’s weight.

“Goddammit it hurts!” <<Yukio!>> the girl shouts his name, <<Get everyone out of here!>>

<<What abou->>

<<Go already!>> you look at Rin with worries eyes, but there’s a smile on your face, <<Ready to run?>>

<<….>> he can say clearly; you’re at the edge, with that wound you’re holding the weight of two persons…

<<Where are you, my little dear?>> the man looks outside the hole in the building, <<Found you.>>

Pervaded by a thrill of terror, you let the hold and think where to escape. You need it, now. Once you touch the ground, you adapt the impact with a somersault and start running right away while Yukio is shooting at the enemy. Suddenly, you grab his arm and take one of his guns. In a second, you aimed and shoot an entire magazine in the same point, opening literally a hole on the man’s head. Keeping to aim at him, a disgusting sound is in the air…

<<We need to hide…>> the student gives back the gun and starts to think intensely, <<Think faster fuckin’ brain!>> she is so frightened, what happened to her?

<<Our house is near.>> Rin says, hoping to relax you, <<We can go there.>>

<<Where? Where is this place?>>

<<After the center.>> Yukio responds, and that word make you more anxious.

<<That’s not fucking near! Not one fucking bit!>>

<<C…o…m…e….>>

Again. That enormous fear is trapping your body. You grab the brothers and start to run as quickly as possible. The men can’t reach your speed, you’re so fast!

<<C’mon!>> you scream dragging them along, <<Use more your legs!>>

You escaped from the woods but is not far enough. Holding your own arm and trying to catch your breath, you're looking for someone or something that can help you.

<<The wound is getting worse (Y/N)-san.>> Yukio says checked it through the cut on the shirt, <<You need to rest or the blood won’t stop. You’ll die!>>

<<Shut up for a second… I’m thinking…>> your skin is so pale, and there are dark circles under the eyes.

<<Nii-san, tell her something! She’s gonna die for real!>>

<<….(Y/N), please listen to->>

<<Found it!>> you run towards a parking lot, kneel next to a motorcycle and with a dagger cut some circuities. The Okumuras are watching you with shocked faces.

<<You’re not stealing it, right (Y/N)-san?>>

<<I'll give it back later.>> you manage to turn on the engine with the dagger and some patience, <<Yes!>> you remove the kickstand and get into the saddle, <<Get on!>> giving some gas shots, you keep the engine warm.

<<We can’t both come in, there isn’t enough space.>>

<<Rin you come here, Okumura-sensei cover our backs.>> with a nod, Rin sits at amazon style between your legs and keeps an arm around your neck for a better adherence, while Yukio sits on the back. With a powerful hasten, the trio leave the woods and go in the streets. The Exwire is leading the way and the professor checks if someone is chasing you.

The wind is strong. How fast are you going right now? You’re almost touching the cars! Are you crazy?! Now the road is straight and you’re accelerate again.

<<We’re arrived after that bridge- Wait (Y/N), slow down!>> the demon sees the lights are all on.

<<If I do that, we’re not gonna make it. Trust me, I did this other times.>>

Curious, Yukio looks at you and then the lights…

<<(Y/N)-san that’s a drawbridge!>>

<<That’s why I’m gonna so fast.>>

<<Do you want to jump to the other side?! Are you fuckin’ insane?>> this is the first time you have heard him swearing, maybe he’s scared.

<<Hold on tight guys!>> the bike is climbing the bridge at very high speed and the moment the wheel flys, Rin manage to says the last indication: the first cross turn to the left.

<<OH MY FUCKING GOD!!>> Yukio is holding very tight on your shoulders, forgetting that you’re hurt.

Tilting backwards the bike, you manage to maintain the right balance for the impact with the cement. When the first wheel touched the road, you could hold the handlebars well, avoiding a crash with cars. Moving to the other side of the road, you start to feel dizzy.

“Crap not now!” the girl keeps the eyes on the street and at the first cross she turns to the left, finding a little church circa 500 metros far. She reduces the speed and stops the bike in front the gate.

The brothers are greeted by black dressed men, but you can’t hear anything. Turning off the engine, you get off the saddle and look up at the sky. You don’t feel your arm anymore, your body is so heavy, your eyes are closing… Everything turns black.

 ---

The student opens her heavy eyes and everything is blurry. Why? She didn’t drink so it’s impossible she were drunk. What happened? She’s so cold but something is keeping her warm… What is it? Moving slowly her gaze, she finds Rin. He’s holding her even if he’s asleep, his heartbeat is so fast. Is he okay?

“He looks so stressful…” you don’t have the strength to speak or move your body.

<<(Y/N)…?>> the demon felt the bed moving, so he opened an eye to check on you, <<(Y/N)! Thank god!>> now he is fully awake, <<How are you? Are you thirsty? Do you need something?>> he bombards you with questions like a machinegun, <<Geez…. You scared me…>>

<<R-Rin…>> you found a super tired voice to use, but it’s better than nothing, <<H-hold me…>>

<<E-eh?!>>

<<I-I’m cold… your body is warm…>>

Moving under the covers, the young boy puts one arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him, praying that you would feel better soon. Feeling protected, you nuzzle your head in the crock of his neck.

<<I’m so tired…>>

<<That’s because you lost a lot of blood.>> he says whispering, he doesn’t want to break the quiet ambiance, <<Sleep a bit more.>>

<<I… don’t… wanna…>> your body began to shake again, <<I… don’t…>>

<<You need to rest.>>

<<No… I’m scared… of… my dreams…>> unconstitutionally, you rest your head in his chest, <<Every time… I fall... asleep… nightmares… come for… me…>>

<<I’ll protect you.>> he hugs you tighter and kiss your forehead, <<Trust me. I’ll never let those dreams touch you. I’m the son of Satan, I’m scarier than them.>> stroking gently your hair, he managed to relax you and finally, you fall aspleep again, <<Goodnight, my love.>>

 A bright sunlight is lighting the room. A fresh and kind wind wakes you up. After a while, you realized that Rin is here in the same bed, holding you near his warm body.

“I’ve slept? I didn’t dream about… He did that?” you’re staring at him and touch his cheeks. “When I’m around him I feel safe. I can show that I’m vulnerable without any worries… I want to protect him even with my life, I don’t want to lose Rin...” it’s not as if you don’t know what’s happening to yourself. You have been in denial for a long time now, but you aren’t stupid to not realize that you have fallen for him.

<<Mmh… (Y/N)…?>>

<<’Morning, bed head.>> you giggle at the vision of his hair and face, <<You can sleep more if you want, I’ll make breakfast today.>>

<<’kay… Thanks…>> he rolls on the other side and pulls up the covers, then he realizes something, <<No!>>

<<E-eh?>> he scared you, <<W-what?>>

<<Lay down stupid!>> he grabs your wrist and makes you lay in the bed again, <<Kuro, please call Yukio!>>

[Ok!]

<<….W-what’s so sudden?>> you obey to him, he looks so scared and worried, <<Ehm… can I sit?>>

<<I’ll help you!>> he really did everything, he supported your weight, adjusting all the pillows and slowly sat you down.

A knock at the door. The demon gets up for open it, Yukio and Kuro come in. The little cat jumps on the bed and comes near you for some cuddles.

<<(Y/N)-san are you able to stand up?>>

<<Yes.>> you obey and get off the bed, standing still.

<<Are you dizzy?>>

<<No.>>

<<Do you feel heavy when you move?>>

<<Not anymore.>>

The teacher checks heartbeat, breath, blood pressure, everything. You stay quiet and let him do what he is doing, he’s a doctor after all. Rin and the men are so impatient to know. Are you ok? Or not? Which one?

<<Everything is fine.>> says Yukio with a smile, <<You’re fast to recover (Y/N)-san. The wound was very deep and you lost a lot of blood. I thought it would take a month to heal at least, but it did in two days…>>

<<Haha, the war has make me strong.>> you crack a joke with a relaxed smile, <<I won’t die so easily.>>

<<Thank god!>> Rin hugs you and moves his tail so dynamically that you thought it would tear apart soon, <<I’m so happy!>>

<<Hehe, Rin it tickles!>> you ruffle those blue hairs.

<<Nii-san!>> the glasses twin grabs his brother by the collar and drags him away from you.

<<Rin, behave yourself.>> the black men are scolding him, <<She’s a girl, you can’t do what you want.>>

<<I’ll make breakfast. (Y/N)-san, do you have any preference?>> a chubby man is talking to you.

<<Ehm… If I don’t ask too much… I would like some orange juice and some toasts.>>

<<Eh? Just that?>> a blonde man tries to encourage you to eat more, <<You don’t need to restrain yourself!>>

<<I never had breakfast before, but it seemed rude to refuse your offer.>> you add smiling, <<Right now I’m not hungry, but I thought that eating something after two days without food, it’s healthier.>>

<<Are you an angel?>> the three men are moved by tears by a person so kind, selfless, and that smile.

<<Pardon?>> you heard them whisper something, but didn’t understand one word.

Avoiding to disturb any further, the men excuse themselves to the kitchen. You thought that everyone is so strange; in a good way obviously.

<<(Y/N)-san, do you remember what happened?>>

<<Oi Yukio, don’t stress her!>>

<<I must write a report for Lord Pheles, I need to know everything she knows.>> he approaches you and ask again, <<Do you known the man who attacked us?>>

<<...I did what I’ve done because I was scared. I don’t even know why, my body moved without my consent.>>

<<What do you mean?>>

<<I’m sure I met that guy in the past somewhere, but I don’t remember. He was like…>> you touch your eyes for focus better on your memories, <<Like…>>

<<Like what?>>

A memory shows up. You open wide your eyes and start to shake. Shutting your mouth with both hands, you run to the bathroom. The brothers run after you and the demon holds your hair backwards while you’re throwing up.

<<Impossible… He’s dead…>> your breath speed up very fast, make difficult even talk, <<It’s not him…>>

<<It’s alright (Y/N).>> Rin caresses your back with circular movements to calm you down, <<Yukio, you crappy four-eyes, stop treat her like this! She doesn’t want to remember, don’t push her into it!>>

<<(Y/N)-san, I’m sorry but I need to know. What you remembered?>>

<<Did you fucking hear what I’ve said?!>>

<<Two days ago, a person came to visit you and pick your swords… He had messy, light pink hair and purple eyes. He wore a black jacket with a blue and yellow shirt. His name was… Shion?>>

<<!! Shion?! He’s here?>> you grab Yukio’s jacket and repeat, <<Where is he?>>

<<H-He’s gone after->> you jump in your feet and run again in your room. Searching in your clothes, you find your phone and see some texts and missed calls.

<<Be safe!>> unlocking it while putting some clothes on, <<Shion? Where are you now?>>

<<Why she is so in a hurry?>> the teacher is staring at you with a curious face, <<Who is that guy?>>

<<At home? Thank goodness! Why did you go out alone?>> closing the zip of your shorts, you stop, <<What? Yatsufsa was with you?>>

<<Yat-what?>>

<<Okumura-sensei, did you see a big white wolf with him?>> you ask staying still, <<Or outside the gate?>>

<<N-no I didn’t...>>

<<Don’t fucking lie to me Shion!>> you grab all your stuff and greets the brothers, <<I’m coming home, ok? Wait for me!>> ended the call, you ate your breakfast quickly, <<I apologize for my rudeness but I must go! Thank you very much for the meal and the medicines! I’ll pay you back soon!>> with a deep bow, you leave the church and your peers behind with puzzled faces.

---Continue...

Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18

[brightlotusmoon]

TMNT Fanfic: Fire And Oxygen: Where My Demons Hide

Testing out the full “Mikey The Lifegiver” fanfic based on that headcanon where Mikey, still new to his Utrom-enhanced inborn psychic empath powers, teaches Raph to control his emotional rages, for which Angel123 did a beautiful illustration. Going to edit and post on both AO3 and FFnet later. Do give feedback here for content and such, like if I should add anything, etc. Remember, right now it’s just telepathy and intuitive sensing and some clairvoyance, and the telekinesis comes much much later in the series once he and April and Splinter start training. Plus, there are always side effects. He’s got temporal lobe epilepsy and a migraine disorder now. Sometimes headaches precede visions too.

 Fire And Oxygen: Where My Demons Hide

 Raphael was having nightmares again.

They were always the same. The endings were always different.

This time, Michelangelo took the katana in the side but Leonardo didn’t notice in time.

This time, Michelangelo took the knives to the chest meant for Donatello, but they couldn’t save him.

This time, Michelangelo was raped by that Foot ninja more than once, more than just fingers, and Raphael could not reach him.

And Raph bolted up in his bed roaring, tears streaming down his face. He was rasping out his little brother’s name. Chompy had climbed onto his chest, pawing at his face, making those little frantic whimpers, the same whining sounds he had made when Tokka came to get him and he realized he would be leaving Earth – Raph – behind.

His hands trembling, Raph clutched the puppy-like alien turtle delicately and growled, hiccupping.

Just a dream, his mind begged. Please, it’s just a bad dream, Mikey’s alive and he’s fine, there’s nothing wrong.

This time, Mikey’s latest seizure – the one caused by Raph hitting him and yelling at him – didn’t stop, it led to what Donnie called status epilepticus. Which, Donnie added, often lead to Sudden Unexpected Death In Epilepsy, it had its own acronym.

Mikey had stopped breathing. His heart had stopped beating. His brain shut down. He had died.

Raphael let out a sob that Chompy somehow echoed.

Raph’s bedroom door opened, not slowly, and it banged against the wall. Raph kept his eyes shut.

Someone sat on his bed; he felt the bottom of a carapace brush his blanket-covered leg. A three-fingered leathery smooth hand landed on his left shoulder. It began to rub up and down his arm. Another hand cupped the right side of his head. A large smooth leathery thumb wiped under his eyes.

A kind of energy – undeniably familiar from so many meditation sessions, breathe in breathe out – very carefully swept over his head, down his shoulders and arms, covering his torso, all the way down his legs, pooling into his feet, then disappearing and gathering in the very center of his forehead, swirling, full of all the shades of red, fading down to pink, then very slowly shifting into dark dark orange, cascading through that color wheel until the orange was bright, almost dark yellow, almost sunset, tinged with dark pink, red and yellow bleeding into one another, the way orange did, delight and passion eternal twins.

Raph felt himself take three deep breaths. He opened his eyes.

Michelangelo’s faces was inches from his own, kissing close. His mouth was tilted up on one side into a gentle smile and his eyes were overwhelmingly kind and gentle.

“Hey, bro,” he said quietly.

Swallowing, Raph suddenly felt humiliated. “H-hey.”

“You okay now?”

“I, um, I think so.”

Sighing, Mikey leaned in and pressed his forehead to Raph’s, still looking into his eyes. “It’s okay, you know.”

Raph didn’t blink but he mentally shrank back. “Uh…?”

“Freaking out. The nightmares. I’m like an expert now. I literally have no shame. It happens.”

Raph’s throat closed up a little. He pulled away just enough to wipe his face with the palm of one hand, and then he noticed that Chompy was snuggled in his lap, looking at Mikey with his tongue lolling. “But…I, um…they…”

“They’re memories,” his brother confirmed. “And then they change, and they’re nightmares. And you can’t do a damn thing.”

Raphael just nodded. “Y…you kept…dying. We…we couldn’t…nothing…”

Mikey suddenly grabbed Raph’s shoulders and narrowed his eyes, although his smile didn’t fade. “Dreams, Raph. Just dreams. Your fears. Your…your demons. I’m still here. Leo and Don, still here.”

Raph felt himself swell with what he could only identify as anguish. “But. Mikey. It could happen. It could really happen, for real, okay? It’s not my imagination, it’s stuff that could happen to you! And I can’t stop it! I can’t!” Heat gathered in his eyes and he sucked in a shuddering breath.

Mikey nodded and leaned back a little, clasping his hands together, as Chompy reached up to lick his fingers. Mikey kept smiling. “Y’know, a while back, I was helping Leo in the dojo because he was super duper tense and Sensei was worried he was pushing himself too hard. I picked up on that, and I went to see him and he was totally tense and zoned out. I put a little too much empathic energy into him, I had a seizure, Leo freaked out. Like, I think he thought I was dying. But I always come back. You know that. I’d never leave you guys.”

Raph looked down at Chompy for a few minutes. When he inhaled he tasted tears. “But…remember that time…you were so depressed…you let that katana wound get infected and you didn’t care, Mikey. I was holding you, you were crying. And then you got even worse, you were in a coma for over a week! And…and remember when you took that hit to the chest for Donnie, you were out for two whole weeks, you needed machines to breathe for you, you were in so much pain, Mikey, we really thought you might die, and when you woke up you were so numb…you…you…”

And Raph was crying, and he didn’t care.

And Mikey was hugging him tightly, and he sobbed into his little brother’s neck, deflated and defeated, grasping and grabbing Mikey’s carapace, holding on for dear life as though his baby might fade any second.

“I’m here,” Mikey whispered. “Raph, Raph, I’m here. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. I have you. You won’t let me fall. You won’t let me drown. Remember? Remember the squirrelanoids? You got me. You caught me. I didn’t drown because you caught me.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Raphael gasped, “Lucky shot. Got lucky. I could’ve missed. I dream about it. I didn’t grab your hand fast enough. I didn’t hit the squirrelanoid that grabbed you. You got pulled down. Into the water. You were screaming for us. They bit you. They…they ki-”

“Sshhhhh. Raph, it’s all right. That’s not what happened. We’re home, you an’ me, and we’re safe. I promise.”

“Mikey, fuck, I love you. I can’t breathe.”

“Breathe, bro. C’mon. Breathe for me, Raph, I got ya, no one’s gonna hurt ya, I won’t let ‘em.”

Raphael gasped for air and found it somehow, tinged with sunshine.

“I love you, Raph.”

That same soothing energy washed over him, crashed through him, and it wiped away the fear, the anxiety, the rage. His body stopped shaking.

He pulled away and huddled against his headboard, frowning, breathing breathing breathing. Chompy was now pressed against his side.

Mikey was staring at him with a rakish, lopsided grin. His hands were folded, index fingers raised and pointing at his chin. “Feel better?”

Raph nodded. “Calm.”

“Good. Calm is my speciality.”

“Mikey, your speciality is being an annoying little goof.”

“But it brings calm and sanity to the group, doesn’t it.”

Raph found himself grinning. “If by sanity you mean utter confusion.”

“Hey, I never said I resonated with this reality.”

“Mikey, you’re a separate reality on your own.” And Raphael found himself reaching out to give his baby brother a noogie, which was graciously accepted.

“I know it’s, like, three in the morning,” Mikey said, “but I can sense you can’t fall asleep without help. Feel like a lesson in how to soothe your emotional rages?”

Raph grinned. “Why the hell not. You’ve been good at that all our lives, just by givin’ me an outlet.”

Mikey booped him on the nose. “’kay. First step is learning how to breathe.”

Raph began to roll his eyes, until he felt Mikey’s entire hand slam against his face.

“Dude. In for as long as you can go. Picture gold light as you inhale. Out for as long as you can go. Picture silver light as you exhale.”

Raph pushed the hand away. “Whatever you say.”

But it worked.

As the breathing exercises continued, Mikey cupped Raph’s face in both hands and pressed their foreheads together. “Remember. You control your flow. Even when it gets away from you. It’s yours. I am going to tell you exactly what I told Donnie and Leo. The first rule of being is this: Let yourself go. Let it surround you. Don't push it away, don't fight it. Just exist in the moment. Let everything come into you and breathe. Just breathe. Got that?”

Wordlessly, Raph nodded.

“Your anger is always in you, right at the surface,” Mikey said. “It’s part if you, like logic is for Donnie. You have a kickass temper, you have a short fuse, it’s who you are. But it’s like a controlled burn, if you let it be. It’s power.”

“Like yours?”

“Yeah, a little. It’s energy. You gotta direct it or it just slips out and does what it wants. It can hurt. It can hurt other people. But it can help. Let’s make sure it helps, my bro.”

Biting his lip, Raphael felt and saw the crimson glow of his anger surrounding him, waiting for orders. It was like a creature, a beast. Something with teeth. Surrounded by his own psychic darkness, kept hidden yet right at the surface. He reached out mentally to touch it and felt it press against him, curl around him purring. His creature. His emotional rage, his emotional excitement. Everything he felt to the core, even the happy emotions; he could sense its odd ability to break off into smaller beasts to represent all his feelings. It was beautiful, it was his, it was terrifying, it was beautiful, it belonged to him.

A ring of orange suddenly surrounded it, and brushed against it; some of that light wrapped around the red like a harness. Mikey, he realized. The creature purred louder and seemed to relax into that orange, like old friends.

“Let your flow exist,” Mikey’s voice drifted through his ears and his mind. “But let it stay close to you. It wants you to work with it.”

Raphael leaned back and opened himself wide. As if sensing the acceptance, the red glow, massive and thick, moved through him, thrumming, growling softly. He realized that he had never felt such peace with himself.

“There ya go, awww” Mikey said, out loud or telepathically he didn’t know. It didn’t matter. “S’gonna be super hard to maintain when you’re fighting in battle, but at least it’s a good start.”

Raph opened his eyes. Mikey’s hands had begun to move away from his face. Without thinking, Raph reached up and grabbed them, squeezing. Mikey’s eyes widened a little. The blue, thinned due to dilation, was glittering, like a gemstone, slightly glassy, and his face was a little pale.

“Thank you, baby brother,” Raph whispered, a lump in his throat.

Mikey swallowed and nodded. His left eye twitched a little.

“You okay? Raph asked. “You need anything?”

Smiling wanly, Mikey inhaled. “I’m cool.”

“You sure? You look like you’ve got a hell of a headache.” Raph ran his hand down the side of Mikey’s face. Concern and fear gripped him, but somehow that force of calm held them back from rising too quickly.

“Just…a side effect from these powers, y’know? I’m still learning.” Mikey smiled again, but Raph could swear he looked dizzy.

“Here, lay down.” Raph shifted until he was against the wall. “It’s three in the mornin’ after all.”

Mikey instinctively shifted and shuffled until he lay on his side. Raph guided his head to his own plastron. “I’m glad you’re here, Mikey.” And he yawned.

“Me too, Raph.” And then Mikey was silent, and his body slumped and he began to softly snore. Raph simply let his hand rest on his brother’s head.

Chompy burrowed a little further into his opposite side, and Raph scratched his chin. “’Night, Chompy,” he whispered. “Hopefully, no more nightmares.”

When he closed his eyes, a bright mix of red and orange danced across his mind, and he found himself smiling.

[sunlightdances]

Prompt: Dean + “we’re best friends and i’ve been in love with you for forever but i’m 3000% sure you just see me as a friend except why is this sexual tension happening rn” Rating: M Words: 2500-ish~ Warnings: Smut, a bit of language, tiny bit of dirty talk. I’m physically incapable of writing anything graphic, okay. Author’s Note: Happy birthday to Dean Winchester! Here’s a thing that popped out of my brain because I have no self control. The prompt comes from this master list that I use a lot, check it out and feel free to send me prompts from it if you want! 

“I hate stake outs.” You mutter from the front seat of the Impala, looking through your binoculars as Dean sighs next to you.

“I heard that the first million times, actually.” 

You drop the binoculars to your lap. “Nothing’s even happening! We’ve been out here for hours. All the intel we have says the guy doesn’t even come home until it gets dark. Let’s go get something to eat.” 

Dean glares, but there’s no real heat behind it. “I can’t believe you’re suggesting we leave our post, Agent.” 

You roll your eyes. “That’s another thing. What kind of fake Agent doesn’t change out of her suit before sitting in a car for hours on end?”

Dean grumbles something you can’t hear, but you know it’s nothing nice. He yelps when you smack him in the chest with the back of your hand. Before you can move, he grips your wrist tight, his eyes sparkling as he turns to you. “This is harassment. I might have to go to HR.”

You swallow hard, his proximity unexpected. “Who’s HR in this scenario? Your brother? Because he likes me better than you.” 

The corners of Dean’s mouth twitch upwards as he tries not to smile. “How dare you. And on my birthday, no less.” 

You roll your eyes again as he lets go of your wrist. Dean has told you no less than seven hundred times that it’s his birthday today. Little does he know that you actually have a gift for him, you just have to get back to the motel before he does to get it, hence your urgency to get out of this car. 

Dean chuckles and looks at his watch out of the corner of his eye. “I guess you’re right. Lunch break won’t kill us.” 

“Thank you.” You say, grinning when he starts up the engine. “You’re back in my will.” 

The running joke between you and the Winchesters was that you had to constantly update your will because you either had no possessions, or no one to give anything to. The three of you were always joking about writing in and out the other two in your wills as a way to bribe. 

“Lucky me, that means I get your entire collection of tea. Goody.” He deadpans, and you snort. 

“Don’t think I don’t know you sneak some of that sleepytime tea when I’m not around.” 

Dean turns the corner of the street and glances at you briefly as he checks for oncoming traffic. “You can’t prove it.” 

The two of you continue your banter until you get back to the motel, and when you get out, you stretch your back, feeling it pop and crack in a few places. “Yikes. I’m turning into a Grandma. Let me change and we’ll get some food?” You ask, turning to Dean, who’s eyes look slightly unfocused. His gaze is decidedly lower than your face. 

“W-what? Oh, yeah. Change. Food. Sure.” 

You bite your lip to keep from smirking as you turn away, deciding to let him off the hook this time. It’s weird -- you’ve been hunting with the Winchesters for a few years now, and you and Dean have always been close, but lately, it’s been like living on another planet. 

Dean’s gaze lingers more, his touch lasts a little longer on the small of your back, your arm, resting on your knee when you sit side-by-side. His smiles are a little easier to show, and all of it makes you feel a little dizzy.

Yes, you’ve been half in love with Dean ever since you met him, but you never thought he could feel a shred of what you feel for him. It just seems impossible, so you never let yourself think about it. 

You head into the room to change, and start rifling through your duffel bag to find your favorite pair of jeans and a comfortable shirt. You’re hoping Dean will want to go to that diner you saw on your way back, because you’re dying for some breakfast, even though it’s lunchtime. 

He comes in the room shortly after you, and you slip into the bathroom to change, giving yourself a few extra minutes to text Sam and ask him to make sure he takes Dean’s gifts out of their hiding spots when he gets back from researching. 

Dean knocks on the door. “You almost ready to go?”

You come out and see he’s already changed, and he smiles at you as you slip your phone into your back pocket. “Come on, birthday boy. I’m starving.” 

.

.

That night, you and Dean stake out the guy’s house one more time with Sam, and are able to stop him before sacrifices some poor teenagers in Lucifer’s name. He’s not a monster, just a nutjob, so the three of you get the kids out of there and call 911 after tying the guy up in his basement. 

There are sigils and incriminating photos of his rituals all over the place, so it should at least be enough to get him in the eye of the cops for a little while. 

After, you head back to the motel, and you’re practically buzzing at the thought of giving Dean his gifts. You spent a lot of time on yours. Not because you want to make some grand gesture, but just because you think he deserves it. You know the brothers don’t really do birthdays or holidays, and you want to do something nice. 

You walk in, and sure enough, on one of the beds, there’s two wrapped presents, just like Sam promised. Dean stops in his tracks, but when he turns around, he’s smiling. It’s a shy smile, but it’s a smile nonetheless. 

“Guys.” He says, shaking his head.

“Don’t even try it.” Sam threatens. “Go ahead and open them.”

“It’s too much--”

“It took me two seconds to wrap those,” you interrupt, “and it was no trouble.”

“Alright, alright.” Dean grumbles, but he’s still smiling. That’s gotta count as a win, right? He sits down on the edge of the bed and reaches for one of the gifts.  He goes for Sam’s first.

Sam gets him a new knife, a really intricate design on the handle and a shiny new blade. Dean really likes it, you can tell by the way he runs his fingers over it almost reverently. 

“Should fit in your boot.” Sam says, and Dean nods. 

“Yeah. Thanks, Sammy.” 

He reaches for yours, and you’re practically vibrating in excitement. “Feels light.” He says, and you punch his shoulder. “Kidding!” He tears the paper off, and you hold your breath when the journal is revealed.

You start talking before you can help yourself, and watch as he leafs through the pages. “It’s mostly blank. I just figured-- you gave your Dad’s journal to your Mom, but you and Sam have seen so much. I tried to put some of the cases we’ve worked in there that stood out -- more monsters than any of the biblical stuff. There’s still some room, so you can use it after we finish up cases, or for whatever.” 

He doesn’t say anything, and you start to get nervous. “If you don’t want it, I can take it back. Or burn it. Doesn’t matter.” 

Dean snorts. “Like hell you will.” He looks up at you. “This is awesome, kid. I mean it.” His eyes are -- it’s a weird contrast. That sparkle from earlier is back, but there’s also an emotion there that you can’t recognize. “Thanks, both of you. This is-- just, thanks.”

He surprises you by getting up to hug his brother, and then he turns the brunt of his affection on you. His arms go around you so tight, and he kinda buries his face in your hair a little bit, sighing contentedly. You almost forgot how great he is at hugging.

.

.

In the middle of the night, you get up to get a glass of water. In the bathroom you stretch, wincing at the sore muscles of your back. 

“Couch bothering you?” Dean’s raspy voice startles you, and you whirl around as he enters the bathroom, closing the door behind him. “Don’t wanna wake Sam.” 

“R-right.” You stutter. “Uh, the couch isn’t bothering me really, just-- too long in the car today, I think.” 

Dean takes a step closer. “You ever hear of a birthday wish?” He asks, and wow, when did he get so close? 

“You’re really gonna keep milking this birthday thing, aren’t you?”

He rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling, his eyes fond. “Hear me out.” He’s practically trapping you against the sink now, and you’re sure you’re not imagining the way his eyes are a little darker than usual. “Every year I used to tell Sam to make a wish on his birthday. Told him it was the luckiest day of the year. Never really wished for anything on my own day, though.”

“Huh.” You say, and then berate yourself. Super intelligent, way to go. 

He smiles like he knows exactly what the brush of his skin against yours is doing, and you kind of hate him for it. You don’t really want him to move away, either. “I know what to wish for, now.” He tells you, his voice barely a whisper.

“Yeah?” You croak. 

“Mhmm.” He hums in agreement, moving closer and bending his head so his nose can skim along your jaw. He exhales, his breath warm as it fans across your face, causing you to shiver. “Just have one question for you.” 

“Shoot.” You say, proud that your voice is steady.

“Is this going to get me written out of your will?”

Your jaw drops. “Are you serious?” You blurt. “You corner me in here, and that’s what--” 

You’re cut off as Dean grins and surges forward, slanting his mouth over yours in a kiss that instantly turns deep, his mouth urging yours open as soon as your lips meet. You freeze for half a second before your brain catches up, and then your hands slide into his hair as you melt into his kiss. 

He groans as your nails rake over his scalp lightly, and it’s the noise that does it for you. You press your body against his, his arm banding tight around your waist as he pulls you closer, his tongue tangling with yours in a way that has you seeing stars and flushing hot all over your body. 

“Gotta be quiet.” He whispers when he tears his mouth from yours for a half second, and then his mouth is on your neck, sucking at your pulse point, his tongue soothing the spot after. “Normally I’d want to hear you, but if my brother interrupts this, I might have to kick his ass, so.” He shrugs, like what can you do? and you almost can’t believe what’s happening.

Instead, you kiss him again, a filthy kiss that sends an electrical current straight to your core, especially when he lets out a low growl against your lips. His hands are everywhere - smoothing over your hips and sliding underneath the soft fabric of your t-shirt, and you pause slightly to tug his over his head. 

His neck and chest is flushed as you stare at him, and his eyes are dark as he looks you up and down hungrily. “This is probably in my top five birthdays, just so you know.” He says, dragging you back towards him, sighing at the skin-on-skin contact when he gets your shirt off. 

“Top five?” You whisper, starting to tug his sweatpants below his hips. “That’s offensive.” 

His forehead thuds against yours as you find him hard and hot for you and begin to stroke lightly, relishing in the soft whimper he lets out against the skin of your neck. “Okay, top three.” He concedes on a choked off groan.

“Can I--” You huff, frustrated with yourself. “I really like you. I don’t want this to be a one time thing.” 

He lifts his head, his sharp green eyes burning into you. “I don’t want that either.” His hand cradles your face. “Just got tired of telling myself I shouldn’t want you, I guess.” 

You smile. “God, same.”

“So... agreed?”

“Agreed.” 

He chuckles. “Cool. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to get back to...” he trails off, his hand slipping under the waistband of your underwear, causing you to arch against him.

“Yep, yeah, you get right back to-- that.” 

He gets you off with his fingers while keeping his mouth pressed to yours, swallowing up your moans and groans. You can’t really do much but grip his biceps, and he looks way too smug when you finally get your release.

“Wanna be inside you.” He whispers in your ear, his voice dark. 

You nod frantically, and then he’s lifting you up on the edge of the sink, your legs going around his waist as he tugs your underwear off. His eyes meet yours with concern at the last second, and he frowns. “Hold on.” He reaches for his pants, going into the pocket on the left side. 

“I’m on the pill--” you protest, but he’s already shaking his head.

“Haven’t been tested in a while.” He insists, and your chest kinda warms at how concerned he is for you. “This isn’t gonna be the last time we do this. Not taking any chances now.” He says, and you smile softly at him. 

“You’re a big softy, Dean.” 

He rolls his eyes. “Remind me to write you out of my will.” 

“God. Shut up and--”

Dean lines up and pushes into you, causing the rest of your sentence to completely fall away. “Fuck me.” He mutters, and you laugh breathlessly.

“Took the words right out of my mouth.”

You fall into silence after that as he thrusts into you at a slow but burning pace, your nerve endings on fire as he mouths at your neck and murmurs into your ear.

“You feel so good. Imagined you like this a hundred times. Always thought about how you’d feel and the sounds you’d make--” He chokes off a groan and tilts his head back. 

“If you keep that up I won’t last long,” you warn, his words sending sparks right to your center. 

“Can’t help it.” He mutters. “Want you to know how good you are, how you make me feel.” 

You sigh, urging him to go faster. The two of you dissolve into moans and whispered words after that, still conscious of Sam sleeping in the room not too far away. He might sleep like the dead, but you’re not taking any chances. 

When you come, Dean is right there with you, groaning into your ear and slumping against you, struggling to keep himself upright as he tries to help you keep your balance. You’re both panting, and when he straightens, he smiles at you with so much affection, it makes your heart race. 

“Hey.” He says, brushing your hair out of your eyes. 

“Hi.” 

“Thanks for a great birthday.” He says, his smile turning into a smirk, and fight off a smile of your own. 

“You’re welcome. You owe me, you know.” 

“Already planning for yours, babe.” He says, winking. You shiver. 

He presses a kiss to your cheek and helps you get cleaned up, and then takes your hand to lead you back to bed. He tugs you away from the couch and right into his bed, into the circle of his arms, and you grin to yourself as you face away from him, letting him encircle you from behind. 

“’Night, kid.” He whispers, and your heart feels like it could burst.

“Night, Dean.”

[audreyimpossible]

For the Headcanon Game - A to Z (NSFW) - Patty and Holtz (together or separate) - A, F, G, S, T, W

I have to say, this got me feeling my Ghostbusters mojo coming back. Maybe I’ll find a few more GB fics hiding in my brain…

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)This is one place where Holtz and Patty are very, very compatible. They both get sleepy and happy. Holtz feels snuggly and a little clingy, which is awesome if you ask Patty because she’s a fantastic outside spoon. (If either of them has insomnia, a quickie is the best medicine.) With other lovers, Holtz’s agro-snuggling wasn’t always welcome, but Patty actually loves being body-slammed into a cuddle.

In a kink sense, aftercare is probably Patty’s favorite part. She likes that come-back-to-equilibrium after the rush and how quiet and honest they both are during that time. Not that there’s much talking, but honesty sometimes just means letting somebody really look at you. (Holtz is the first person to really, truly look at Patty in a long time, and she feels really fucking lucky.) 



F = Favourite PositionOkay, so giving Holtz likes things a little bit traditional (the horror!) which usually means Patty on her back on the bed with Holtz laying between her legs. Receiving she likes to straddle Patty’s face and grab onto the headboard like it’s the horn of a saddle. (There is LOTS OF MOVEMENT when Holtz is receiving, so the comparison to a rodeo is not entirely out of bounds.)

Patty likes giving in any position that’s going to drive Holtz crazy, but she’s also a fan of Holtz’s favorite because for her it’s comfortable AF, just laying back and doing one of her favorite things. Receiving-wise, Patty is a big fan of Holtz’s rather adult inventions. More than once Patty has found herself bent over a desk or table while Holtzmann gleefully “tested” her newest model bionic strap-on. (Patty is pretty sure the mark 4 was just the mark 3 with new mounting hardware, and the mark 5 was just the mark 4, full stop, but she’s not complaining.)


G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)They both can be silly and joke around a lot, but when they really get into, both Holtz and Patty get quite serious. They can go from giggling with each other to rough-and-tumble super-serious boning in no time at all. They both like the mix of silly and serious.



S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)In bed Patty is a marathon runner and Holtzmann is a sprinter. Patty can have multiple orgasms in one session and she enjoys it when the sex lasts all night. Holtzmann gets super wound up, has loud, boisterous orgasms, and then needs hydration, Pringles and usually sleep. They balance out this mismatch by usually starting with Holtz focusing on Patty, which is a huge turn on for both of them. She’ll get Patty off and then they’ll switch. Patty will get Holtz close, then they switch back so Holtz has a chance to bring things down a notch and Patty gets her series of orgasms.


T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)Does Holtzman own toys? What a silly question. Not only does she own them, she INVENTS them. The bionic strap on, a clit stimulator that is still a little too intense (she’s tweaking it, but Patty won’t be her guinea pig again until she’s got it almost perfect), a variety of fucking machines. It’s been Holtz’s hobby for a very long time, making highly engineered sex toys. She even made one especially for Abby and wrapped it up as a Christmas present. (When they opened their gifts, Kevin shouted, “Oh, look, Holtzmann got Abby gloves! With wires! And a power pack.” Abby gave Holtzmann a lecture on not corrupting sweet, innocent Kevin, since the other ladies all knew about Abby’s fascination with mild electrical stimulation. She also gave her a denim jacket with ghosts embroidered on it that she found in a thrift shop.)

Patty likes strap-ons, usually from the receiving end, and she’s owned a vibrator or two in her day, but in general she’s a back-to-basics kind of woman. She does like when Holtzmann caresses her skin with things like ice cubes, feathers, silk, or the bristles of a hair brush. Sensation play is a favorite, although she wouldn’t really call those tools “toys” in the larger sense.

When Holtzmann proudly displayed her newest fucking machine (with a soundtrack and everything for the reveal), Patty gave it the side-eye and suggested Holtz try it out with Abby or Erin.


W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)
Speaking of Abby and Erin… Patty is Holtz’s boo, her babe, her rock, but not her one and only when it comes to sex. Once Patty realized Holtzmann categorized “sex” and “love” in different parts of her big genius scientist brain, she was 100% fine with Holtzy hooking up with either of the other two. She knows that with Erin, it’s just friendly, fun sex, because if they tried to date they’d kill each other in about three days. She also knows Holtz loves Abby, and likes occasionally having sex with her, but the two of them aren’t a match lifestyle-wise or romantically. Holtz vaguely identifies herself as poly, but identifies more with “I hate rules so don’t make any”. Patty’s a one-woman woman, but doesn’t need her woman to be. Heads would roll if she found out Holtz was doing anything cutesy and romantic with the other two, but there’s little chance of that because Holtz knows where Patty’s boundaries are and wouldn’t cross them. Also Erin thinks romance is a waste of time. Abby finds it kind of baffling and doesn’t understand why there’s so much emphasis on it, when one can just have amazing friends-with-benefits who provide love and intellectual stimulation in addition to sexual gratification.

Holtz has pierced nipples, which Patty thought was strange at first, but now thinks is super hot. She thinks lots of things are super hot that she didn’t before. Holtz has definitely broadened her horizons that way.

Patty considers herself queer, and she’s dated people all along the gender spectrum. Holtzmann considers herself pro-gay, because she didn’t practice this much to stay an amateur gay. (But seriously, Holtz is 100% gay, never has been into dudes and never will be. Because women. Why would anyone be into men when women exist?)

[cristinajourdanqp]

Being Keto-Adapted Is One Helluva Ride!

It’s Friday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Friday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading!

My name is Aaron. I’m 35-years-old. I live in the Lehigh Valley of PA where I am the only custom tailor. This is my story of how an innocent foray in LCHF (low carb, high fat) turned into a full blown keto lifestyle shift. What a journey it’s been and I’m only just getting started!

Ok, so let’s get the junk out of the way first. Last summer, I was freshly divorced. I had to move into a shoebox sized apartment where I fed myself a steady diet of ramen noodles, Captain Crunch, heavy imperial stouts, and copious amounts of sour candy….usually fueled by alcohol driven hunger and a new little appetite tweaker I discovered…cannabis and the munchies. It only took a few months of this type of living for me to feel incredibly sick.

When I wasn’t smoking, I was incredibly nauseous and couldn’t eat. So, I used cannabis to give myself the munchies so I didn’t feel like I was going to die. I found myself in a cycle that I didn’t like. I liked the weed, but I didn’t like the munchies. Was it the munchies or the bad food that was the problem? One night it just hit me….I hit the blunt and then thought to myself, “whoa, like maybe I should fix my diet.”

Brilliant revelation, right??

Rewind a few years back to when I was 25. I was in fairly decent shape and pretty lean. I worked out heavily and had the results to show for it. I won’t blame marriage for getting me fat, but I did indeed get fat once I got married. Steady typical SAD diet for the entire duration.

So, near the end of 2016 everyone is thinking about New Year’s resolutions to lose weight. I’m busy drinking, chasing women, and getting stoned—eating a ton of sugar and was nowhere near making that kind of resolution. I just didn’t believe I’d ever be that in-shape again. I tried working out again but it was unbearable. Geez, to even walk a few blocks on a 40 degree day made me sweat profusely so how the hell was I gonna be able to work out in a gym?! Do I just give up the booze for awhile? How about the weed? What about sugar? Admittedly, I was lost and a little hopeless but man did I love the taste of whipped cream in cappuccinos.

That got me thinking….

I had heard somewhere about adding fat to your diet and removing carbs, but from my earlier gym days, I just couldn’t make the connection. I was stuck rooted in the old, using exercise to lose weight and create a calories burned vs calories consumed thinking. Even though I never could piece together how that exactly worked, I was willing to give adding fats and cutting carbs a shot…

Enter my first foray into making bulletproof cappuccinos around mid February this year…

Delicious as ever. Never would’ve thought butter, coconut oil and stevia would taste so good in coffee. I was enjoying waking up every morning to one of these, but what surprised me was the longer period of time I could go before having to eat. I also noticed a few pounds gently slipping away and got curious…what if I add more butter to everything else? Started doing exactly that.

So, late February 2016 I was doing BP coffee every morning and butter loaded tomato soup (and crappy Campbells too!). My appetite went away, and I just let it. Little did I know that I was basically doing an intermittent fat fast. I was getting to a point where I was adding up to 6 tbsp of butter and oil plus frothed heavy cream AND egg yolks in the cappuccino but really had no idea if it was actually healthy or not, so I Googled “effects of eating too much butter” and landed on a forum post at, you guessed it, MDA.

I saw a 60-something ripped dude named Mark on the front page, plus a success story of an even older guy who was also ripped. The competitor in me thought, “Hey if these old dudes are ripped off whatever this diet is, then wtf is my excuse?!” So I read and read and read until I had the start of the puzzle completed in my mind. I knew I had to act.

Upon realizing that this was a whole foods diet, I knew I’d need to learn how to cook. What a mountain of learning that was. I went crazy. Purged my cupboards of all sugar, grains, and bad oils. Stopped eating out almost immediately and started cooking. Wow, to eat whole foods even fruits and not get violently sick to my stomach? Oh what a feeling.

By the end of March 2016, I had dropped nearly 45 lbs. My girlfriend left for a 2 week trip to Mexico in early March. She had noticed the weight loss but we had no idea what was actually happening. When she left early March, I was wearing 38s. When she got back I was in 34s.

I thought I was done there and, quite frankly, if that’s where my weight loss journey had stopped, I would’ve been quite content and proud of myself. Everyone around me was complimenting me and some even expressing concern that I was getting too thin too fast. I thought there was no such thing and I could still see good amounts of fat deposits that I would be happy to be without so I kept it up. More primal cooking and eating. I was on my way to becoming fat adapted and I wouldn’t be stopped!

I didn’t exercise once during the first 2 months. I was basically sedentary. I really didn’t have the energy to do anything but that changed pretty fast. I tried mountain biking again and felt like I was some kind of super human. However, the next few times I rode, I experienced really bad bonking and wondered what was going on. How did I have energy before but now I’m bonking periodically? I now know I was pushing too hard during the fat adaptation phase creating a demand for glucose….I used a bit of fruit to push through this.

By late April 2016, I was looking and feeling good but I was also plateaued. I could see more fat needed to come off but wondered why the BP coffee and whole foods diet wasn’t working as well. I researched more and discovered the power of real intermittent fasting.

I kicked out the BP coffee in place of lightly sweetened black coffee in the mornings then did a typical fast-breaking in the afternoon with a salad or eggs etc then a more legit meal later on in the evening. I also started sprinting.

By early summer I was wearing my jeans on an 80 degree day and realized that I wasn’t sweating hardly at all. The man that used to sweat on a 40 degree day was now borderline cold in the middle of the summer. Oh well, I saved on my AC bills and got over it. I also noticed that those jeans felt a little loose. I thought, “no way I’m actually in 32s now.” Sure enough, I was able to fit nicely into 32s. Lesson learned…when you’re on the keto weight loss slide, wait to buy a lot of new clothing.

By midsummer, I returned to my lifting habits. Thankfully, I had a base of knowledge on how to lift so I experienced results very quickly. My thinking during all of this was, “let’s see how low carb I can actually be without experiencing real fatigue.” In essence, I only wanted enough carbs as I possibly needed and not one gram more. I found myself able to ride my bike and lift with a fair amount of intensity…even in a fasted state!

By late summer (August 2017), I wondered again if it was just my new stretchy skinny fit 32s needed to be washed and dried to give them that tight-ish post dryer fit again or if, God forbid, my entire new stash of 32s was too big. Sure enough, I went and tried on a pair of 30s and whoa they fit! I figured since I can see feel my pelvic bones poking off the sides of my hips along with a full blown 6 pack looming to 8 pack abs (and also the total extinction of my ass) that I must be at that often desperately sought after “ideal body composition.” The ripped guy you see in the after pics was taken on that day.

BOOM! I knew I had arrived. I knew I was fat adapted. I had developed a system of food shopping and meal prep to fully support it. I knew my life from there on out would never be the same. Going Primal is one of the best decisions, if not the best decision, I have ever made for my personal health.

But….what about the ketogenic diet? I was very curious about it, but it seemed like a fringe version of primal to me and a lot of the recipes I looked up were loaded with strange ingredients that didn’t seem to be in line with a Primal way of eating. However, right around this exact time (about a month or so ago), I started seeing Mark posting a lot about keto and his own experiment with it. When the announcement came for the The Keto Reset Diet book, I knew I was on the right track.

The Keto Reset Diet was released on my birthday. I don’t like to read but I got it for free by starting up with Audible. Listening to the book gave me a much better understanding of how each of the various macros affect the brain and the body. I realized that my eating habits were pretty close to what was in the book so I decided then and there that I will likely stay in the “keto zone” for the rest of my life. I will be going in and out of keto for the purpose of maximizing metabolic efficiency. Wow…it seemed so crazy that it was even possible that I went from being a completely sick and depressed fat guy knowing nothing about food to a ripped fat- burning beast who’s not so bad in the kitchen in the span of half a year!

On my birthday, I posted the before and afters to my Instagram and announced that I would be adding keto-based weightloss consulting to my services as a tailor. I have a lot of fat clients who have no time but lots of money, so why not monetize my experience, make money off of helping them lose the weight and make even more money selling them new clothing?! As if I wasn’t niched out enough…

So there ya have it. Now I’m off to the keto races, and I think I’ll change a few lives and get a little richer while I’m on the way there. Yes, that means I signed up to become a Primal Health Coach.

Here are a few bullet points of the positives and negatives I have experienced along the way plus a few tips:

Positives: – Way more energy – Much better sleep – Obvious improvements to physique and exercise performance – Super speedy recovery times and no jet lag! – Effortless appetite management – Ability to fast for 24, 48, or even 72 hours…at will – Radically improved cognition – No more depression – The tug of other “addictive behaviors” significantly reduced. In fact, I quit drinking permanently on August 1st of this year. – I still partake in cannabis consumption regularly and indulge in the munchies right along with it….guilt free! It plays well with this diet!

Negatives: – Getting fat and losing weight is expensive. The food replacements, cooking equipment, and time spent figuring it all out and dialing in how much to buy and eat was a costly endeavor top to bottom. – I completely rendered a large custom wardrobe useless and had to replace all of it. So will you. – I’m definitely one of those annoying health nuts now and have had to figure out all kinds of social behaviors to manage the awkwardness. – There really aren’t many other negatives.

Tips: – Read The Keto Reset Diet – Let the diet do the work. Stay low and slow and don’t try to exercise too hard until you’re ready especially in the beginning. You will feel the energy surging through you but ignore it for a while and take it easy. – Get your macros right and don’t slouch on green veggies, salt and other minerals. – Watch your protein intake. No need to raise it to the roof. – “Fake Keto” recipes out there for replacing common comfort foods usually using high amounts of dairy and almond/coconut flour and fruit are only for the truly fat-burning, keto-adapted, carb-tolerant beasts among us. Do yourself a favor and go therapeutic keto from the start with proper macros and fats from mainly animal sources. Eat those greens! – Ditch the artificial sweeteners and train out sweet tastes from your palate at least for awhile. – Fasting protocols maybe work better for men. Women might want to start eating proper macros and let the brain/body do the work before getting into IF protocols (just my opinion). – Sprint while fasted to bust plateaus. – Got the keto flu? Eat some avocados or supplement with apple cider vinegar, pink sea salt, and cream of tartar (high potassium) mixed in water. Then get over it and go sprint. – Stop waiting and get on board the keto train! Being keto-adapted is one helluva ride!

Aaron H.

[kewltie]

or how pro hero ground zero finds himself accidentally dating the most notorious supervillain, AFO’s precious son. 

in the midst of a battle w/ members of LoV, pro-hero ground zero save a rookie journalist who LITERALLY threw himself middle of all the chaos to grab photos & after yelling at the ignorant fuck, katsuki doesn't think he'll see him again. but then HE SEES HIM EVERYWHERE

his name is midoriya izuku & he has some sort of death wish really bc katsuki keep finding him in the middle of all these hero vs villains battles and ONE TIME he tackled down a villain right???? and he doesnt even have a fucking quirk & yet he is seemingly unfraid of everything

needless to say, katsuki is v smitten bc the lil awkward death defying shit. also, anyone who accidentally send katsuki to the hospital several times bc he keep getting into trouble and katsuki have to come rescue him and THEN YELLING AT KATSUKI FOR INTERFEARING W/ HIS JOB

katsuki get so fucking rile up at this quirkless man, who shown no fear and easily go toe to toe w/ him and yet is so incrdiably humble and hilariously akward, he is just into this badass idiot who is entirely devoted to his job and cursed w/ severe stubborn???? feels relatable.

so yea, katsuki ofc taps that ass right the fuck away bc he knows a good one when izuku is indirectly responsible for three broken ribs after katsuki had pulled him out of ANOTHER TROUBLING SITUATION. he's a trouble magnet and shit-stirrer and katsuki's heart is moved.

so the start dating and it goes SO WELL. izuku still get in major shitstorm for his job and katsuki still drags him out of it w/ a few bruise here and there, but afterward they go grab a bite and crash at each other place. super romantic nd sweet and it's so v good. but!!!

there's something weird about izuku. he doesn't talk much about his family, to katsuki anyway. BUT HE'S SUPER CLOSE TO THEM. his parents seem to call him daily and he go visit them often, but he never bring his parents up to katsuki esp his dad & izuku kinda got a stalker??

it's not like katsuki didn't notice right away, but HE THOUGHT IT WAS HIS STALKER. one of his super creepy fans probably but nope this person only tails izuku and when katsuki tell him about it, izuku is like, 'oh that's just toga'. apparently, izuku knows his talker v v well.

the stalker apparently is sent by izuku's father to watch out & protect izuku and katsuki pauses bc who the fuck does a journalist who lives on takeouts and shitty cable TVs need a bodyguard?!!! so yea katsuki's new bf background is fucking weird and mysterious.

katsuki has his agency dig into izuku's background (not that they hadn't vet izuku's before for katsuki's safety) but they comb through the archives and izuku's history and it's comes out v v v v clean, sparkling even. honestly, katsuki doesn't know WTF IS UP W/ HIS NEW BF.

so he confront izuku about his weirdo stalker/bodyguard, his avoidance about his family & his dad in particular, and his eerie squeaky AND CLEARLY SCRIPTED papertrails. izuku get shifty eyes and is like, "you won't believe me." And katsuki says tersely, "fucking try me."

Izuku drops his gaze to the floor and says, finally, "my dad is the leader of the league of villains." and YEA, KATSUKI'S BRAIN SHUT DOWN FOR SEC bc his deku?? stupid suicidal stubborn bleeding heart deku??? FUCK NO. but izuku just nods his head and grimaces.

the LoV is the largest criminal org in the world w/ long list of crimes & longer list of criminals that make its their home. their roster are made up of terrifying people w/ dangerous quirks... and IZUKU, quirkless and softhearted izuku is the leader's most precious son.

the idea itself is COMPLETELY ABSURD! HOW does that ever make sense? izuku is a civilian who works normal if a bit dangerous job & doesn't seem to have any *evil* inclinations at all yet he hail from the worst kind of genetic source possible. maybe he's just faking it all along.

which made katsuki absolutely furious that izuku might been some kind of sleeper agent from the LoV sent to trick spy & kill him or something and izuku's eyes wide, immediately protests, "no, no, i swear! i dont have anything to do w/ my fathers... org."

but katsuki has a hard time accepting it esp with the truth bomb thrown at his feet now that he realizes HE'S DATING THE ONLY SON OF EVIL OF THE MOST VILE CRIMINAL IN THE WORLD. so yea, he walks out on izuku, saying he need some space & izuku was looking so heartbroken as he left

for the next few days, katsuki stews in his thought. he doesn't tell anyone about what he had found out, but he doesn't contact izuku either. until, one day just as he in the middle of patrol there's some comotion that attract his teams and katsuki is seperated from them.

he's cornered by several LoV members, outnumbered five to one and katsuki lost his comms in the ensuring scuffles but instead of kicking his ass bc well they're foes, one of them break ranks toga (the blood queen) approach him w/ a bloodthirsty grin & a knife pointing toward him.

"hey, pretty boy," she coos w/ a flicker of edge, "stop ignoring our young master! you made him cried & he won't come out of his room. I hate seeing him so upset bc Izuku-chan should always be smiling! if you dont fix this ill rip your hide from your bones and wear it as a cape."

the group behind her make various grunt of agreement, all promising him death and disembowelment for... apparently breaking izuku's heart. katsuki is so outrage that he nearly explodes on the spot bc these dumbass villains think they CAN BLACKMAL/THREATEN HIM?! HIM, GROUND ZERO?!

also, even more furious by the fact that they insuate that HE BROKE UP WITH IZUKU?! wtf, he never said that!! needing space meant just a temporary break s he gets his bearing on wut to do next... but not like a perma break, but izuku's ppl thought their relationship ended.

katsuki is even more offended by that notion bc izuku is even a bigger idiot than he thought. HOW could someone that much of crybaby over just temp break is some manipulative coldhearted spy?? right now his instinct says, izuku is telling the truth. he isn't tricking katsuki.

bc it all make sense now. izuku who stands fearless against villains bc he'd grown up around them all his life and was raised BY THE MOST NOTORIOUS ONE. anytime there's a LoV related incident, izuku always seem to come out of it unscathed like THERE'S A ZONE OF PROTECTION ON HIM.

izuku is seemingly sweet, humble, & awkward but he got that rebellious streak a mile wide. loud in his opinions & shit-stirrer by choice, he faces down villains & heroes alike like they're on equal ground even though izuku is defenseless. he respect the law only when it applies.

katsuki has never seen such a fucking firecracker like izuku who loves people & the world but have little respect for any gov entity or laws and think they're good only when they're helping ppl but otherwise they're abritary (lmao). he such chaotic force for good it's hilarious.

so yea, he believes that izuku is the SON OF AFO now bc that lil shit is a menace. A GOOD MENACE, but still a goddamn menace. he seems to stay firmly on the side of 'good' as it is which make his relationship with his villain father a fucking mystery & headache for katsuki.

so katsuki, gritting his teeth, clichely demands the LoV group to take him to their leader so he can verbally kick his bf's ass for keeping his fucked up secrets and stupidly mistaken that they're broken up. the group happily ties up him and blindfolds him bc well SECRET LAIR.

katsuki is crazy, ok. like, STUPIDLY CRAZY to go blindly and no backups w/ some of the worst villains in history so he can meet up w/ his stupid bf and his crazy father. he could end up dead tmr or some shit bc it all could have been a trick to lure him in w/ his guard down

but if izuku can be an idiot for dating a hero when he's a son of a villain than KATSUKI CAN BE A BIGGER IDIOT FOR GOING TO MEET HIS BF'S VILLANIOUS FATHER AT HIS SECRET TORTURE FORTRESS OR SOME SHIT. love can make ppl dumb and they're both a perfect example of it.

so katsuki get blindfolded and escorted to the LoV hq and it's a suprisingly sweet ride to there. no bumps, no abuse, no torture shit going on. he get offer food and drink and it's FUCKING WEIRD. his kidnappers start some casual convo w/ him about izuku and his job of all things.

they even joke about how katsuki arrested one of them one time and almost kill another THE OTHER TIME & it's all happy bs??? it's even worst than torture. katsuki just want this to end already!! eventually they arrive and katsuki is let out. he get inside & his blindfold is off.

it's... nothing like he expected. it's traditional japanese house w/ sprawling garden, koi ponds, & beautiful woods. it's pristine, homey, and terribly normal. "ha, you thought we were going to take you to some kind of evil lair, right?" twice says, grinning bc he's an ass.

"that's next time! we save that for official bsn." he jabs Katsuki's in the shoulder playfully. "you're meeting sensei and mistress so of course it got to be at their house and not the 'office'." katsuki's hands start twitching like he's going to explode someone or something.

but he's quickly drag away before he could do anything about it. lead through some hallways before depositing inside a tearoom where there's a SHIT TON of pics of baby!izuku & his childhood accolades on the wall. this look less like a room to greet visitors but to show off izuku.

just as katsuki goes to examine a cute pic of bb!izuku playing in a field of flowers & holding one up towrad the camera, the doors slide open and a couple walk in. one of them is an older woman who looks eerily like izuku and the young woman also ft. in many of the wall pics.

she smiles warmly at and goes to greet him right away. "hi, bakugou-kun! welcome to our home, i'm inko, Izuku's mother," she introduces herself. while she's a source of happy energy and warmth, the other man beside her is another story. he gives katsuki's an icy stare.

katsuki already knows who he is before he even say anything. AFO looks younger in comparison to his reported age, notably handsome, and he carries himself like some warlord from the warring periods.

"I should kill you," is the first thing he says. "my son should only cry in joy, over his terrible taste in romantic media consumption, & dumber things." spoken like a man who dealt with midoriya walking crying machine izuku his entire life and also a hopelessly devoted father.

"hisashi!" inko scolds. which is strange to katsuki bc he didn't even think AFO even have a name but in front of him isn't some evil man who mastermind gov't take over & ruin so many ppl lives but astupid father overprotected of his son. "but i won't," AFO admits regretfully.

"Izuku would be even more sad and if you're dead your death will haunt him needlessly more. he won't be able to forget you and move on." he frowns, like he actually had CONSIDER THAT ROUTE DEEPLY before casting that idea aside. WTF, katsuki thought and says exactly that, "wtf."

"there's something seriously wrong with you," he points out what he think is v obvious. AFO shrugs. "I love my son. He's my-" Inko's frown and he clears his throat, "our most precious treasure & we do everything to ensure his happiness. do you understand us, bakugou katsuki?"

"inko and i have raise with love and care for 20yrs and i won't have some rough neck capers try to destroy his smile. i dont care who you are or wut you can do bc i can put you ten feet under w/ a snap of my fingers & nobody will be able to save you but like i said i won't."

Katsuki grind his teeth, fists clenched at his side, before lowering his head. this isnt time to fight, they're not on the field & on the job. this isnt about their respective stance on moral superiority but izuku. izuku is why they're both here. "i came here for him."

"i want to fix it," he says. "just let me see him." he pauses & grimaces like the tatse of whatever he say next disgust him. "please." AFO frowns, staring at katsuki for a beat, two. like he can pull apart katsuki's motives and tears into his rib to see w/e make him tick.

"fine," he waves katsuki away, "you may see him now but if he cry anything beside in happiness i'll have your head and your entire agency." it's not a threat. it's a warning lace with truth that katsuki has no doubt he will carry out if a single tear slip pass izuku and fall.

inko claps her hand happily. "great, i'm glad you guys are geting along so well!" she says, like threats of murder haven't been thrown at his feet. clearly, she's used to the fact that her husband is a completely psychopath and whipped for their son. this fucking crazy family.

katsuki grunts, not knowing what else to say beside, 'have you eve thought of fucking divorce bc yea maybe you will be less crazy by then' but he holds his tongue bc they're still izuku's parents and he already made a bad impression on them even though technically not his FAULT.

AFO doesn't promise anymore murder in his future but the dark look on his face is enough as inko's lead him out & toward izuku's room. she drops him right outside it and gives him an encouraging smile before heading off, but katsuki has no doubt the parents are lurking around.

katsuki sucks in a deep breath before raising his fist and knocks. he hears unhurried footsteps on the other side and slowly the door is slide open. "Papa, I already said--" izuku whines, and stops as soon as he sees who ACTUALLY on the other side. "K-Katsuki?! What are you--?"

Katsuki blinks, trying to get his fucking brain to graple with the thought of AFO as 'papa' and his head nearly explode. he drags a hand down his face and once again thinks, THIS FUCKIN' FAMILY. "Look, you idiot," he starts in lieu of any answer. "We didn't fucking break up."

Izuku looks haggard, buffy red eyes and the dark circle under it, speaking of how upset he was. he clearly didn't get any good rest these several days they were apart. he lifts an accusatory brow at Katsuki. "you didn't pick up my calls or answer any of my text," he retorts.

Katsuki rolls his eyes. "what part of I needed space, time to think didn't you get?" he snaps back. "It didn't mean go cry and sulk your parent's home like a damn coward because you were too dumb to think of anything beside we may have broken up!"

"But--but," Izuku's lips wobble and katsuki nearly jump out of his skin bc jfc don't cry here or i'll be skinned alive, "i was scared that you really mean it! that's why i didn't want to tell you in the first place bc then you wouldn't want to have anythig to do w/ me."

Katsuki sighs, a bone deep tired sigh. "Now, why would you think i would have any problem with dating the son of my nemesis?" he says dryly. Izuku's brows furrow. "All Might is Papa's nemesis," he unhelpfully point out. "I don't think Papa even knew you existed until we dated."

Katsuki scowls. "that's not the fucking point," he shouts, temper rising w/ every word. "Your dad is the fucking boogieman who wants to sow discord in the world & it's my job to catch him &lock away for good. Do you see my moral crisis over this when im dating his beloved son?!"

"I-" Izuku's face fall, "dont you think I dont know that? I've lived with him for over 20yrs, I know exactly what he's capable of." he looks away. "But, he's my Papa & im terrible for still choosing him over the world. So," izuku says solmenly. "i dont expect the same from you."

Katsuki grits his teeth and steps right into izuku's space, up in his face. "Look, im only going to say this once so listen the fuck up," he starts. "I like you. A lot. Stupidly. Gods know why when you drive me up the fucking wall all the time, but here I am standig before you."

"A lot, huh?" Lips twitching, Izuku's eyes going soft. Katsuki scowls. "Dont make me repeat myself, but yes fucking a lot that your fucking groupies & your old man threatened to kill me several times over did not deter me from coming here," he says, hand cradling Izuku's cheek.

"It's because I'm dating you and not your father. Whatever crimes he'd commited is not on you, you don't have to carry his sins," he tells Izuku, leaning in to press a kiss too fast and fleeting on izuku's forehead. "just stay true to yourself and i'll fucking deal with it."

Izuku's close his eyes and lets out a shaky exhales, the air of relief that passes through him is shuddering. "Ok, ok," he murmurs, opening his eyes to look at katsuki. there's a twinkle in them as he smiles, soft and sweet, the kind you can stupidly drunk on & never let go.

In that hazy moment, katsuki thinks, AFO doesn't need to plan any premediated murder in case things go v wrong bc this is how he'll die w/ izuku's smile right in his front his eyes, cutting him down one curve lips at a time. Fuck, he's just as whipped for izuku as AFO.

it's good that izuku not a fucking psychopath like his father bc this would have gone v v v wrong. izuku would make a terrifying villain. Worst than his own father bc it's not fear & imtimidation that will get ppl to follow him but izuku's own magnetic personality that move them.

"don't ever become a villain, ok?" katsuki insists suddenly, grabbing his shoulder tightly. "where did that come from?" izuku laughs, eyes crinkling. "And dont worry, papa had tried. many, many times but i haven't turn over to the darkside if that's what you worry about."

"Good," katsuki says firmly, and thinks the world better for it. one less crazy midoriya to raise hell. izuku is trouble enough as it is when katsuki thought he was just a quirkless journalist w/ a death wish but now there's a chance he could go rouge any moment and--yea. no.

"Sooo," izuku says, boucing on his heels. "are we back together now?" katsuki flicks him on the forehead. "we never broke up in the first place, you dolt." izuku grins and suddenly throws his arm around katsuki. "ah, i miss you so much kacchan!!!" he declares excitedly.

and after they made up, katsuki interrogate izuku about wtf is wrong w/ his father bc how did AFO of all ppl get a villain son who isn't all about /that/ kind of bsn he's in. turns out izuku always have a healthy regard for heroes so he never thought of joining his father's org.

though AFO would have been super happy to take izuku in bc izuku is terrifyingly clever & resourceful but he lets izuku go & do his thing anyway. they just mutually agree not to talk shop when it's family, keeping their jobs outside &not in the home to keep both of their sanity.

so izuku knows shit about the 'family bsn' except wut everyone knows bc he's not involve with any of that and in his everyday job as a journalist izuku often times clash w/ his father AND expose some of his schemes bc it's part of his job & he doesn't shy away from it.

AFO wasn't upset at all having his plans ruin by his own son. nope. he was SUPER PROUD OF IZUKU!!! to able to accomplish such thing on his own even if it's against him lol. but izuku is still his father's so so he doesn't take on just AFO, other villains, & dark org.

he takes on the gov't, hero association, and even other heroes themselves if he ever catches on if they didn't live up to his ideals of being 'proper hero' like all might. he fiercely chases and exposes anything that he deems corrupted and wrong not caring which side they're on.

which makes izuku kind of chaotic good. he acts on his own whims & sense of justice, disregarding all rules & barriers. which is why he admires katsuki so much bc katsuki stands by his rule staunchantly & won't ever move from it, izuku knows katsuki wont ever be sway by the dark.

kinda like izuku's father who stands firmly by his belief & does everything to reach his goals. WHICH IS NOT EXACTLY WHAT KATSUKI WANT TO BE COMPARE TO ESP BY A NOTORIOUS VILLAIN LIKE AFO lol. but yea, now that he got izuku's motive and why he's the way he is, it get easier.

they continue dating, izuku continues getting into trouble 120% of the time, katsuki keeps bailing him out, and sometimes IZUKU BAILS HIM OUT bc izuku may be quirkless but he got an army of the world's most terrible villains on his side so yea izuku IS TERRIFYING.

and, they aren't just dating but they're 100000% serious w/ each other bc now katsuki go to izuku's parents house for dinner every sunday and have to put up with AFO and play nice w/ each other for izuku's sake bc they come ton an understanding they will be IN-LAWS one day lol!

their dinner convo is mostly the two of them taking jab at each other bc katsuki trash of AFO's plans or AFO's sends katsuki's ppl to the hospital and got away with it. they never stop being enemy even for izuku bc of where they stand on but mutually agree not to kill each other.

they're both fiercely devoted individual who are obsessively workaholic, stubborn, vainglorious, and loves just as much as they breathe for their ppl and though they never agree on anything, this they will agree on bc izuku's happiness is everything to them!!!

[fishermariawo]

Being Keto-Adapted Is One Helluva Ride!

It’s Friday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Friday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading!

My name is Aaron. I’m 35-years-old. I live in the Lehigh Valley of PA where I am the only custom tailor. This is my story of how an innocent foray in LCHF (low carb, high fat) turned into a full blown keto lifestyle shift. What a journey it’s been and I’m only just getting started!

Ok, so let’s get the junk out of the way first. Last summer, I was freshly divorced. I had to move into a shoebox sized apartment where I fed myself a steady diet of ramen noodles, Captain Crunch, heavy imperial stouts, and copious amounts of sour candy….usually fueled by alcohol driven hunger and a new little appetite tweaker I discovered…cannabis and the munchies. It only took a few months of this type of living for me to feel incredibly sick.

When I wasn’t smoking, I was incredibly nauseous and couldn’t eat. So, I used cannabis to give myself the munchies so I didn’t feel like I was going to die. I found myself in a cycle that I didn’t like. I liked the weed, but I didn’t like the munchies. Was it the munchies or the bad food that was the problem? One night it just hit me….I hit the blunt and then thought to myself, “whoa, like maybe I should fix my diet.”

Brilliant revelation, right??

Rewind a few years back to when I was 25. I was in fairly decent shape and pretty lean. I worked out heavily and had the results to show for it. I won’t blame marriage for getting me fat, but I did indeed get fat once I got married. Steady typical SAD diet for the entire duration.

So, near the end of 2016 everyone is thinking about New Year’s resolutions to lose weight. I’m busy drinking, chasing women, and getting stoned—eating a ton of sugar and was nowhere near making that kind of resolution. I just didn’t believe I’d ever be that in-shape again. I tried working out again but it was unbearable. Geez, to even walk a few blocks on a 40 degree day made me sweat profusely so how the hell was I gonna be able to work out in a gym?! Do I just give up the booze for awhile? How about the weed? What about sugar? Admittedly, I was lost and a little hopeless but man did I love the taste of whipped cream in cappuccinos.

That got me thinking….

I had heard somewhere about adding fat to your diet and removing carbs, but from my earlier gym days, I just couldn’t make the connection. I was stuck rooted in the old, using exercise to lose weight and create a calories burned vs calories consumed thinking. Even though I never could piece together how that exactly worked, I was willing to give adding fats and cutting carbs a shot…

Enter my first foray into making bulletproof cappuccinos around mid February this year…

Delicious as ever. Never would’ve thought butter, coconut oil and stevia would taste so good in coffee. I was enjoying waking up every morning to one of these, but what surprised me was the longer period of time I could go before having to eat. I also noticed a few pounds gently slipping away and got curious…what if I add more butter to everything else? Started doing exactly that.

So, late February 2016 I was doing BP coffee every morning and butter loaded tomato soup (and crappy Campbells too!). My appetite went away, and I just let it. Little did I know that I was basically doing an intermittent fat fast. I was getting to a point where I was adding up to 6 tbsp of butter and oil plus frothed heavy cream AND egg yolks in the cappuccino but really had no idea if it was actually healthy or not, so I Googled “effects of eating too much butter” and landed on a forum post at, you guessed it, MDA.

I saw a 60-something ripped dude named Mark on the front page, plus a success story of an even older guy who was also ripped. The competitor in me thought, “Hey if these old dudes are ripped off whatever this diet is, then wtf is my excuse?!” So I read and read and read until I had the start of the puzzle completed in my mind. I knew I had to act.

Upon realizing that this was a whole foods diet, I knew I’d need to learn how to cook. What a mountain of learning that was. I went crazy. Purged my cupboards of all sugar, grains, and bad oils. Stopped eating out almost immediately and started cooking. Wow, to eat whole foods even fruits and not get violently sick to my stomach? Oh what a feeling.

By the end of March 2016, I had dropped nearly 45 lbs. My girlfriend left for a 2 week trip to Mexico in early March. She had noticed the weight loss but we had no idea what was actually happening. When she left early March, I was wearing 38s. When she got back I was in 34s.

I thought I was done there and, quite frankly, if that’s where my weight loss journey had stopped, I would’ve been quite content and proud of myself. Everyone around me was complimenting me and some even expressing concern that I was getting too thin too fast. I thought there was no such thing and I could still see good amounts of fat deposits that I would be happy to be without so I kept it up. More primal cooking and eating. I was on my way to becoming fat adapted and I wouldn’t be stopped!

I didn’t exercise once during the first 2 months. I was basically sedentary. I really didn’t have the energy to do anything but that changed pretty fast. I tried mountain biking again and felt like I was some kind of super human. However, the next few times I rode, I experienced really bad bonking and wondered what was going on. How did I have energy before but now I’m bonking periodically? I now know I was pushing too hard during the fat adaptation phase creating a demand for glucose….I used a bit of fruit to push through this.

By late April 2016, I was looking and feeling good but I was also plateaued. I could see more fat needed to come off but wondered why the BP coffee and whole foods diet wasn’t working as well. I researched more and discovered the power of real intermittent fasting.

I kicked out the BP coffee in place of lightly sweetened black coffee in the mornings then did a typical fast-breaking in the afternoon with a salad or eggs etc then a more legit meal later on in the evening. I also started sprinting.

By early summer I was wearing my jeans on an 80 degree day and realized that I wasn’t sweating hardly at all. The man that used to sweat on a 40 degree day was now borderline cold in the middle of the summer. Oh well, I saved on my AC bills and got over it. I also noticed that those jeans felt a little loose. I thought, “no way I’m actually in 32s now.” Sure enough, I was able to fit nicely into 32s. Lesson learned…when you’re on the keto weight loss slide, wait to buy a lot of new clothing.

By midsummer, I returned to my lifting habits. Thankfully, I had a base of knowledge on how to lift so I experienced results very quickly. My thinking during all of this was, “let’s see how low carb I can actually be without experiencing real fatigue.” In essence, I only wanted enough carbs as I possibly needed and not one gram more. I found myself able to ride my bike and lift with a fair amount of intensity…even in a fasted state!

By late summer (August 2017), I wondered again if it was just my new stretchy skinny fit 32s needed to be washed and dried to give them that tight-ish post dryer fit again or if, God forbid, my entire new stash of 32s was too big. Sure enough, I went and tried on a pair of 30s and whoa they fit! I figured since I can see feel my pelvic bones poking off the sides of my hips along with a full blown 6 pack looming to 8 pack abs (and also the total extinction of my ass) that I must be at that often desperately sought after “ideal body composition.” The ripped guy you see in the after pics was taken on that day.

BOOM! I knew I had arrived. I knew I was fat adapted. I had developed a system of food shopping and meal prep to fully support it. I knew my life from there on out would never be the same. Going Primal is one of the best decisions, if not the best decision, I have ever made for my personal health.

But….what about the ketogenic diet? I was very curious about it, but it seemed like a fringe version of primal to me and a lot of the recipes I looked up were loaded with strange ingredients that didn’t seem to be in line with a Primal way of eating. However, right around this exact time (about a month or so ago), I started seeing Mark posting a lot about keto and his own experiment with it. When the announcement came for the The Keto Reset Diet book, I knew I was on the right track.

The Keto Reset Diet was released on my birthday. I don’t like to read but I got it for free by starting up with Audible. Listening to the book gave me a much better understanding of how each of the various macros affect the brain and the body. I realized that my eating habits were pretty close to what was in the book so I decided then and there that I will likely stay in the “keto zone” for the rest of my life. I will be going in and out of keto for the purpose of maximizing metabolic efficiency. Wow…it seemed so crazy that it was even possible that I went from being a completely sick and depressed fat guy knowing nothing about food to a ripped fat- burning beast who’s not so bad in the kitchen in the span of half a year!

On my birthday, I posted the before and afters to my Instagram and announced that I would be adding keto-based weightloss consulting to my services as a tailor. I have a lot of fat clients who have no time but lots of money, so why not monetize my experience, make money off of helping them lose the weight and make even more money selling them new clothing?! As if I wasn’t niched out enough…

So there ya have it. Now I’m off to the keto races, and I think I’ll change a few lives and get a little richer while I’m on the way there. Yes, that means I signed up to become a Primal Health Coach.

Here are a few bullet points of the positives and negatives I have experienced along the way plus a few tips:

Positives: – Way more energy – Much better sleep – Obvious improvements to physique and exercise performance – Super speedy recovery times and no jet lag! – Effortless appetite management – Ability to fast for 24, 48, or even 72 hours…at will – Radically improved cognition – No more depression – The tug of other “addictive behaviors” significantly reduced. In fact, I quit drinking permanently on August 1st of this year. – I still partake in cannabis consumption regularly and indulge in the munchies right along with it….guilt free! It plays well with this diet!

Negatives: – Getting fat and losing weight is expensive. The food replacements, cooking equipment, and time spent figuring it all out and dialing in how much to buy and eat was a costly endeavor top to bottom. – I completely rendered a large custom wardrobe useless and had to replace all of it. So will you. – I’m definitely one of those annoying health nuts now and have had to figure out all kinds of social behaviors to manage the awkwardness. – There really aren’t many other negatives.

Tips: – Read The Keto Reset Diet – Let the diet do the work. Stay low and slow and don’t try to exercise too hard until you’re ready especially in the beginning. You will feel the energy surging through you but ignore it for a while and take it easy. – Get your macros right and don’t slouch on green veggies, salt and other minerals. – Watch your protein intake. No need to raise it to the roof. – “Fake Keto” recipes out there for replacing common comfort foods usually using high amounts of dairy and almond/coconut flour and fruit are only for the truly fat-burning, keto-adapted, carb-tolerant beasts among us. Do yourself a favor and go therapeutic keto from the start with proper macros and fats from mainly animal sources. Eat those greens! – Ditch the artificial sweeteners and train out sweet tastes from your palate at least for awhile. – Fasting protocols maybe work better for men. Women might want to start eating proper macros and let the brain/body do the work before getting into IF protocols (just my opinion). – Sprint while fasted to bust plateaus. – Got the keto flu? Eat some avocados or supplement with apple cider vinegar, pink sea salt, and cream of tartar (high potassium) mixed in water. Then get over it and go sprint. – Stop waiting and get on board the keto train! Being keto-adapted is one helluva ride!

Aaron H.

[milenasanchezmk]

Being Keto-Adapted Is One Helluva Ride!

It’s Friday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Friday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading!

My name is Aaron. I’m 35-years-old. I live in the Lehigh Valley of PA where I am the only custom tailor. This is my story of how an innocent foray in LCHF (low carb, high fat) turned into a full blown keto lifestyle shift. What a journey it’s been and I’m only just getting started!

Ok, so let’s get the junk out of the way first. Last summer, I was freshly divorced. I had to move into a shoebox sized apartment where I fed myself a steady diet of ramen noodles, Captain Crunch, heavy imperial stouts, and copious amounts of sour candy….usually fueled by alcohol driven hunger and a new little appetite tweaker I discovered…cannabis and the munchies. It only took a few months of this type of living for me to feel incredibly sick.

When I wasn’t smoking, I was incredibly nauseous and couldn’t eat. So, I used cannabis to give myself the munchies so I didn’t feel like I was going to die. I found myself in a cycle that I didn’t like. I liked the weed, but I didn’t like the munchies. Was it the munchies or the bad food that was the problem? One night it just hit me….I hit the blunt and then thought to myself, “whoa, like maybe I should fix my diet.”

Brilliant revelation, right??

Rewind a few years back to when I was 25. I was in fairly decent shape and pretty lean. I worked out heavily and had the results to show for it. I won’t blame marriage for getting me fat, but I did indeed get fat once I got married. Steady typical SAD diet for the entire duration.

So, near the end of 2016 everyone is thinking about New Year’s resolutions to lose weight. I’m busy drinking, chasing women, and getting stoned—eating a ton of sugar and was nowhere near making that kind of resolution. I just didn’t believe I’d ever be that in-shape again. I tried working out again but it was unbearable. Geez, to even walk a few blocks on a 40 degree day made me sweat profusely so how the hell was I gonna be able to work out in a gym?! Do I just give up the booze for awhile? How about the weed? What about sugar? Admittedly, I was lost and a little hopeless but man did I love the taste of whipped cream in cappuccinos.

That got me thinking….

I had heard somewhere about adding fat to your diet and removing carbs, but from my earlier gym days, I just couldn’t make the connection. I was stuck rooted in the old, using exercise to lose weight and create a calories burned vs calories consumed thinking. Even though I never could piece together how that exactly worked, I was willing to give adding fats and cutting carbs a shot…

Enter my first foray into making bulletproof cappuccinos around mid February this year…

Delicious as ever. Never would’ve thought butter, coconut oil and stevia would taste so good in coffee. I was enjoying waking up every morning to one of these, but what surprised me was the longer period of time I could go before having to eat. I also noticed a few pounds gently slipping away and got curious…what if I add more butter to everything else? Started doing exactly that.

So, late February 2016 I was doing BP coffee every morning and butter loaded tomato soup (and crappy Campbells too!). My appetite went away, and I just let it. Little did I know that I was basically doing an intermittent fat fast. I was getting to a point where I was adding up to 6 tbsp of butter and oil plus frothed heavy cream AND egg yolks in the cappuccino but really had no idea if it was actually healthy or not, so I Googled “effects of eating too much butter” and landed on a forum post at, you guessed it, MDA.

I saw a 60-something ripped dude named Mark on the front page, plus a success story of an even older guy who was also ripped. The competitor in me thought, “Hey if these old dudes are ripped off whatever this diet is, then wtf is my excuse?!” So I read and read and read until I had the start of the puzzle completed in my mind. I knew I had to act.

Upon realizing that this was a whole foods diet, I knew I’d need to learn how to cook. What a mountain of learning that was. I went crazy. Purged my cupboards of all sugar, grains, and bad oils. Stopped eating out almost immediately and started cooking. Wow, to eat whole foods even fruits and not get violently sick to my stomach? Oh what a feeling.

By the end of March 2016, I had dropped nearly 45 lbs. My girlfriend left for a 2 week trip to Mexico in early March. She had noticed the weight loss but we had no idea what was actually happening. When she left early March, I was wearing 38s. When she got back I was in 34s.

I thought I was done there and, quite frankly, if that’s where my weight loss journey had stopped, I would’ve been quite content and proud of myself. Everyone around me was complimenting me and some even expressing concern that I was getting too thin too fast. I thought there was no such thing and I could still see good amounts of fat deposits that I would be happy to be without so I kept it up. More primal cooking and eating. I was on my way to becoming fat adapted and I wouldn’t be stopped!

I didn’t exercise once during the first 2 months. I was basically sedentary. I really didn’t have the energy to do anything but that changed pretty fast. I tried mountain biking again and felt like I was some kind of super human. However, the next few times I rode, I experienced really bad bonking and wondered what was going on. How did I have energy before but now I’m bonking periodically? I now know I was pushing too hard during the fat adaptation phase creating a demand for glucose….I used a bit of fruit to push through this.

By late April 2016, I was looking and feeling good but I was also plateaued. I could see more fat needed to come off but wondered why the BP coffee and whole foods diet wasn’t working as well. I researched more and discovered the power of real intermittent fasting.

I kicked out the BP coffee in place of lightly sweetened black coffee in the mornings then did a typical fast-breaking in the afternoon with a salad or eggs etc then a more legit meal later on in the evening. I also started sprinting.

By early summer I was wearing my jeans on an 80 degree day and realized that I wasn’t sweating hardly at all. The man that used to sweat on a 40 degree day was now borderline cold in the middle of the summer. Oh well, I saved on my AC bills and got over it. I also noticed that those jeans felt a little loose. I thought, “no way I’m actually in 32s now.” Sure enough, I was able to fit nicely into 32s. Lesson learned…when you’re on the keto weight loss slide, wait to buy a lot of new clothing.

By midsummer, I returned to my lifting habits. Thankfully, I had a base of knowledge on how to lift so I experienced results very quickly. My thinking during all of this was, “let’s see how low carb I can actually be without experiencing real fatigue.” In essence, I only wanted enough carbs as I possibly needed and not one gram more. I found myself able to ride my bike and lift with a fair amount of intensity…even in a fasted state!

By late summer (August 2017), I wondered again if it was just my new stretchy skinny fit 32s needed to be washed and dried to give them that tight-ish post dryer fit again or if, God forbid, my entire new stash of 32s was too big. Sure enough, I went and tried on a pair of 30s and whoa they fit! I figured since I can see feel my pelvic bones poking off the sides of my hips along with a full blown 6 pack looming to 8 pack abs (and also the total extinction of my ass) that I must be at that often desperately sought after “ideal body composition.” The ripped guy you see in the after pics was taken on that day.

BOOM! I knew I had arrived. I knew I was fat adapted. I had developed a system of food shopping and meal prep to fully support it. I knew my life from there on out would never be the same. Going Primal is one of the best decisions, if not the best decision, I have ever made for my personal health.

But….what about the ketogenic diet? I was very curious about it, but it seemed like a fringe version of primal to me and a lot of the recipes I looked up were loaded with strange ingredients that didn’t seem to be in line with a Primal way of eating. However, right around this exact time (about a month or so ago), I started seeing Mark posting a lot about keto and his own experiment with it. When the announcement came for the The Keto Reset Diet book, I knew I was on the right track.

The Keto Reset Diet was released on my birthday. I don’t like to read but I got it for free by starting up with Audible. Listening to the book gave me a much better understanding of how each of the various macros affect the brain and the body. I realized that my eating habits were pretty close to what was in the book so I decided then and there that I will likely stay in the “keto zone” for the rest of my life. I will be going in and out of keto for the purpose of maximizing metabolic efficiency. Wow…it seemed so crazy that it was even possible that I went from being a completely sick and depressed fat guy knowing nothing about food to a ripped fat- burning beast who’s not so bad in the kitchen in the span of half a year!

On my birthday, I posted the before and afters to my Instagram and announced that I would be adding keto-based weightloss consulting to my services as a tailor. I have a lot of fat clients who have no time but lots of money, so why not monetize my experience, make money off of helping them lose the weight and make even more money selling them new clothing?! As if I wasn’t niched out enough…

So there ya have it. Now I’m off to the keto races, and I think I’ll change a few lives and get a little richer while I’m on the way there. Yes, that means I signed up to become a Primal Health Coach.

Here are a few bullet points of the positives and negatives I have experienced along the way plus a few tips:

Positives: – Way more energy – Much better sleep – Obvious improvements to physique and exercise performance – Super speedy recovery times and no jet lag! – Effortless appetite management – Ability to fast for 24, 48, or even 72 hours…at will – Radically improved cognition – No more depression – The tug of other “addictive behaviors” significantly reduced. In fact, I quit drinking permanently on August 1st of this year. – I still partake in cannabis consumption regularly and indulge in the munchies right along with it….guilt free! It plays well with this diet!

Negatives: – Getting fat and losing weight is expensive. The food replacements, cooking equipment, and time spent figuring it all out and dialing in how much to buy and eat was a costly endeavor top to bottom. – I completely rendered a large custom wardrobe useless and had to replace all of it. So will you. – I’m definitely one of those annoying health nuts now and have had to figure out all kinds of social behaviors to manage the awkwardness. – There really aren’t many other negatives.

Tips: – Read The Keto Reset Diet – Let the diet do the work. Stay low and slow and don’t try to exercise too hard until you’re ready especially in the beginning. You will feel the energy surging through you but ignore it for a while and take it easy. – Get your macros right and don’t slouch on green veggies, salt and other minerals. – Watch your protein intake. No need to raise it to the roof. – “Fake Keto” recipes out there for replacing common comfort foods usually using high amounts of dairy and almond/coconut flour and fruit are only for the truly fat-burning, keto-adapted, carb-tolerant beasts among us. Do yourself a favor and go therapeutic keto from the start with proper macros and fats from mainly animal sources. Eat those greens! – Ditch the artificial sweeteners and train out sweet tastes from your palate at least for awhile. – Fasting protocols maybe work better for men. Women might want to start eating proper macros and let the brain/body do the work before getting into IF protocols (just my opinion). – Sprint while fasted to bust plateaus. – Got the keto flu? Eat some avocados or supplement with apple cider vinegar, pink sea salt, and cream of tartar (high potassium) mixed in water. Then get over it and go sprint. – Stop waiting and get on board the keto train! Being keto-adapted is one helluva ride!

Aaron H.