#again morgan is so intensely caring towards and protective of his friends

[frankiebirds]

okay. what if i cried. what then!

[wearebothdrunk]

Omygod i just finished watching starwars and i kinda have an idea like maybe a jedireader? Or a jedi-like-reader where theyre in madripoor right, then they got attacked and she like "hold up let me handle it" AND SHE PULLED OUT HER LIGTHSABERS 😭😭 sam (and maybe zemo) geek out and bucky was like "i am so confused but that shits amazing"

Hi! of course!

“ A friend from work ”

pairing: Bucky x fem!reader (stark)

Word counting: 2186

Summary: You basicaly save Sam´s and Bucky´s ass in Madripoor. 

warnings: nightmares

a/n: I had to do some changes to your requests to be more Marvel so i hope you like it anyway! I love the request.

Masterlist

*gif not mine*

Since your father died you have been supporting your mother Pepper and your younger sister Morgan. Pepper was not your biological mother but she always took care of you, even before she and your father started dating.

Without your dad and Nat and Steve, the Avengers seemed more lost than ever. You still helped and were Sam's backup on his missions but it wasn't the same. Your whole family had fallen apart, Thor was with the guardians of the galaxy, Clint retired, Bruce had enough with the avengers, and Wanda was taking some time for herself. You were left with Sam and Bucky. You were pretty good friends with Sam, but with Bucky...... let's just say it's complicated. You liked him for a while, but you didn't want to put your father in an uncomfortable situation, so you always put him first, even if it was very hard sometimes.

One day you were just relaxing on the couch when you looked at the tv and saw the news report saying that the criminal Zemo had escaped from prison. You immediately called Sam.

"Pick up Sam, come on-" you said.

you heard a voice on the other side " y/n? is everything okay?" you heard Sam´s voice

"No! Zemo has escaped from prison in case you haven't heard the news!"

" Really?!" he said but not very convincingly

You started to get suspicious. He seemed to already know about what was happening, but if he knew, why didn't he tell you? unless.....

"You're with him, aren't you?" you said straight out. "no, no, no, why would you think that y/n?" he was really trying to convince you

"Why did you do that Sam?! you know it's dangerous, what the hell were you thinking?"

" relax y/n. me and Bucky need him for a mission, he is just a means to an end" he finally said

"Are you with Bucky?" you asked. You missed him even if he was just a friend, he was special to you.

"Yes, but he is fine, don't worry! I have to go now! Goodbye, take care y/n"

he hung up.

Sam knew about your little crush on Bucky. He was like a best friend to you and if you couldn't count on his advice, then you wouldn't count on anyone.

Like your father you always wanted to help the Avengers in any way you could, so obviously you wouldn't be left out of this mission. In one of the upgrades you made to Sam's suit you added a tracker device in case he was kidnapped. It was the perfect time to use it! You pulled up a chair, sat down, and began tinkering with the gadgets your father had previously bought and used. You wanted him to be here with you but unfortunately, that was impossible so keeping his legacy alive was the closest you could get.

"Yes, found you!" You shouted in joy

"What city is this? Ma... Madripoor?" you asked yourself

"Well I hope it's worth it Sam Wilson because otherwise I'm gonna kick your ass"

You called Happy to get a flight for you. It was hard to convince him but you managed to convince him by saying you needed a short vacation.

* After 5 hours

You finally got to your destination, it felt like it took days to get there. Madripoor was a poor, dark and dirty city, you didn't like it there at all.

You got on your bike and headed towards the location of the suit. After about 10 minutes you arrived where Sam and Bucky were supposed to be according to your device.

"But this is just a car!" you said angrily.

Suddenly you heard gunshots and breaking glass and three unrecognizable men, at first.

"Y/N?! What the fuck are you doing here!?" Sam shouted, placing you behind a container to protect you from the bullets that were being fired at the four of you.

"Stand back!" you shouted at them, standing up.

You quickly took out the gun that was stuck inside your long leather jacket. You pointed the gun and in three seconds and without making a sound the gunshots stopped, just like magic.

"What the fuck was that? " Sam said surprised

" I am so confused but that shits amazing," bucky said with his mouth open giving a small smile.

"what are you waiting for?!! to die? get in the car now!" you shouted at them

The four of you ran quickly to the car and got in. Zemo started the car and luckily you managed to escape in time.

"what was that y/n?" sam asked

" it's just a prototype I made from a project my dad was working on before.... you know what. it works with extremely strong lasers that can demagnetize any weapon."

" That's fucking awesome!" Bucky said

you smiled. you loved being praised for your work but being praised by Bucky felt different to you.

" Well, thank you, Bucky!"

" Don't thank Bucky. I appreciate what you did back there but this is super dangerous. Your dad and Steve wouldn't approve any of this and-" you interrupted him.

"Guess what? My dad's not here! Why? Because he sacrificed his life to save the world! And Uncle Steve isn't here anymore, so stop thinking about what they would think of me!"

sam looked at you with concern. He felt obligated to protect you since your father couldn't.

For a moment the car was filled in awkward silence until Zemo decided to open his mouth.

"No one told me about a fourth member of the team. Sorry, pretty girl, but you won't be able to continue this trip with us" Zemo said.

"You are not in charge of anything, we are. If y/n hadn't appeared out of anywhere, we would be probably dead. So I advise you to keep your mouth shut and play your only role if you don't want to go to prison again" Bucky said with his eyes fixed firmly on Zemo.

Zemo swallowed.

" well, but there aren't enough beds," Zemo said in a low voice, barely audible.

" don't worry, she can sleep in my bed, I sleep on the floor," Bucky said without even blinking

You felt butterflies in your stomach. You were going to be in the same space as Bucky for more than 5 minutes, you were nervous that you would say something stupid or give him the wrong idea.

"Oh, you don't have to.

(oh yes, you do.)

" Of course I do. " Bucky looked at you with intensity as if he needed to do this.

* after 20 minutes*

"These are your rooms. All beds are already made and your bags will be taken to your respective rooms Mr. Zemo" the woman said.

"Thank you, my dear," Zemo said kissing the lady's hand

"Well, these are your rooms. I don't want anything ruined and I don't want any noise because I am very tired. Good night fellows" Zemo went directly to his room and closed the door leaving the three of you alone.

" I'm just going downstairs to see if they can get me an extra blanket," Bucky said leaving you and Sam alone. Things between you two were still a little awkward from earlier.

" y/n, I don't want us to be on bad terms. You have to understand that I care about you" Sam broke the silence

" Sam, I know and I care about you too, but you have to realize that we are almost the same age and I don't need to have a babysit."

"I know, I know. No hard feelings?"

"No hard feelings," you said shaking his hand and pulling him for a hug

"So, what's this about you sleeping in the same room as Bucky? y/n I'm watching you like a falcon" sam joked

"Relax! He's just a friend from work"

" I have the blanket here. I'm going to bed now, good night". Bucky said to you two

"oh, I'm going with you, that way I can help you make your bed. it's the least I can do since you don´t let me sleep on the floor"

You both said your goodbyes to sam and went to your room.

Bucky spread out a blanket next to the bed where you were going to stay and laid down.

"You´re not gonna even put a pillow? Take this one I have too many." you said to him

"No! I don't want a pillow" Bucky said, throwing you the pillow again.

You got up and started to make his "bed" more comfortable. "You're not going to sleep on the floor like that, Buck-" he interrupted what you were doing by grabbing your arm and looking you straight in the eye. "I don't need that y/n. I'm used to sleeping on the floor."

You looked at him shocked. "You are used to it?!"

"Yes," he said hesitantly.

"Why Bucky?" you asked.

"  I don't feel comfortable enough to sleep in a fluffy comfortable bed, not after all the people I have killed and all the lives I ruined. Every night I have nightmares to remind me of that" he said as if it was something natural to him.

" Buck....... You can't feel that way. You deserve a hundred soft, comfortable beds, you deserve to have a happy life. You didn't kill those people, you didn't ruin those people's lives, HYDRA did. There are people who care about you, I care about you."

"You care about me? You said yourself that I was just a friend from work, and I understand and respect that y/n, I knew we were just that."

"That was me joking with Sam. I wish you were just a work friend, it would have saved me some heartbreaks."

" heartbreaks?" you could see by Bucky´s confused face that he had zero idea of what you were talking about.

" are you going to tell me that you never noticed that I liked you and cared differently about you?"

" NO!" he said surprised

"Okay, I understand. We can still be work friends Buck I mean it, I don't want to put you into another bad situation-" the touch of his lips against yours interrupted your speech.

"I never wanted to be just your friend from work" he sighed.

"me neither," you said kissing him again

You make out for about 5 minutes. when you finally let each other out of your arms, you got up and took the blanket that was on your bed and your pillow and put it next to Bucky. "what are you doing?" he looked confused.

"Did you really thought I was going to let you sleep alone on this cold uncomfortable floor?"

"y/n-" you interrupted him with a kiss. "Yes?" you asked. "I don't want you to sleep here on this horrible floor. you will go back to your warm comfortable bed and sleep" he said with a straight face

"Bucky, either you come with me to this warm bed or I will sleep here with you. it's your call baby"

he smiled and sighed. " you are the worst" he mumbled throwing you on the bed making you giggle. You walked over to him and grabbed his hand and kissed it.

"I promise you that you deserve all of this Buck" you whispered.

he kissed you again passionately to thank you for what you had done for him. You both laid down. You put your head on top of his chest and he put his arms on top of your back, you were finally able to sleep.

* later that night*

you began to hear a voice whispering something making you wake up.

"I HAVE TO, I HAVE TO DO THIS" Bucky sighed in the middle of sleeping.

Bucky was having a nightmare. He was sweating and he was gasping for breath.

"Buck? babe, it's just a nightmare" you whispered caressing his cheeks with the back of your fingers.

Suddenly he gets up, still heavy breathing, and sits in the bed.

" What's happening," he said in mid-breath. "You were having a nightmare babe.". You put your arms around him making him feel safe." it's okay" you said.

When he finally let go you stood up and start walking toward the door

"where are you going?" He asked with a puppy face

" don't worry, I'm just gonna get something to calm you down"

when you came back with the hot chamomile tea you had made for him, Bucky was still sitting on the bed with his hands on his head.

" here, this is going to help you. my dad always made me this when I woke up in the middle of the night"

" thank you for taking care of me," he said

" James Buchan Barnes I will be here to make sure you sleep like a baby for the rest of your life."

and he did.

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Out Of Time ~ 136

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 2,000ish

Summary: The pregnancy continues. Y/N spends time with Steve. (Read the note at the end of the chapter.)

Warning: car accident

Week 22 was full of compliments from Tony about how Y/N had never looked more beautiful. Her stomach began to get dry and irritated. This led to Tony spending a lot of time rubbing lotion on the baby bump while talking to Morgan.

Week 23 came with worsening symptoms: leg cramps, pregnancy brain, backaches, constipation, and headaches. Y/N was very grateful that Tony was a constant and so very caring. She honestly didn’t know what she would have done without him.

Weeks 24 and 25: Y/N’s sex drive had died, which disappointed the both of them. Tony knew and respected Y/N to know not to push. Her hands also began tingling, which apparently was normal.

Week 26: sleep was definitely not Y/N’s friend. Leg cramps, frequent urination, anxiety, and Morgan’s kicking made it nearly impossible. Tony felt awful, unable to find anyway for Y/N to get rest. A few times, late night drives worked or Tony taking to the bump, but that was few and far between. This left Y/N exhausted and crabby.

Week 27 began with an exhausted Y/N and an intensely worried Tony. They were in the city for Tony to go to a few Stark Industry meetings and so that Y/N could spend some time with Steve.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay down here alone until Rogers comes and picks you up?” Tony was worrying over Y/N. But he was also worried that, if he was any later to the meeting, Pepper would literally murder him.

“I’ll be fine,” Y/N replied, swatting away Tony from the chair she was in. “I love you. Now go.”

Tony pecked her lips. “Love you girls too.” He started hurrying away. “Make sure to take it easy! Let me know if you need anything!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Y/N muttered, waving at Tony.

As Y/N tried to find a comfortable position in the chair, she could feel something was off. Looking around, no one appeared off. She checked around a few more times before just chalking it up to that half the world had disappeared. Steve arrived lot long later and went inside to meet her.

“Hey, Y/N/N,” he greeted with a smile. “Wow.” He checked her over. “That baby’s really growing.”

“She is,” Y/N responded, smiling softly as she rubbed her belly. “Somedays I can’t believe it and others I just want her out.”

Steve reached his hands out to help his sister out of the chair. She put her hands in his. “My favorite niece giving my sister trouble?”

“Your favorite niece doesn’t let me sleep.” Steve pulled her up, keeping a hold of her while she tried to balance. “It’s kind of getting on my nerves.”

“Maybe her uncle can talk some sense into her today.”

“Please, she’s stopped listening to her father.”

Steve led her out and helped her into the car. Getting in himself, he began the drive to Brooklyn.

“So, I was thinking that we could eat lunch at this diner that’s opened back up in Brooklyn,” Steve suggested. “Then maybe visit the cemetery, visit the parents and AJ?”

“That all sounds wonderful, Stevie,” Y/N responded. “Morgan makes me hungry all the time, so sorry if I spend all your money.”

“Whatever makes my niece, and my sister, happy.”

~~~

Y/N was so picky yet ordered most of the menu. Steve ordered one small thing, thinking to himself that he’d finish up whatever Y/N didn’t. As they waited for their food, Y/N couldn’t help  but feel something was off again. She looked around again. Y/N could tell that the other people in there were trying not to stare at the former Avengers, trying not to glare. Studying her surroundings like she was taught, her fingers were anxiously tapping against the table.

“Hey,” Steve called out to her. “You okay?”

“Yeah… Yeah, I’m fine,” Y/N said, swallowing. “It’s just… People hate us. And I don’t blame them. We didn’t protect them like we always sworn to do.”

“Y/N,” Steve reached across and grabbed her hand. “We can’t control them and their thoughts and actions. Only our own.”

“And if they don’t move on?”

Steve sighed. “Then we don’t either.”

~~~

“So, how’s wedding planning coming?” Steve asked once the food arrived.

“Currently, it’s not moving much,” Y/N answered. “I just am exhausted all the time and I can’t even think about trying on a dress right now. I’ve mainly just created several Pinterest boards and such.”

“Well, you two are not in any rush, especially since you’re waiting for little Mo to come.”

“Little Mo?” Y/N giggled. “Is that what you’re going to call her?”

“I figured that, as the uncle, I needed a nickname for my niece.”

“You and Tony can’t just wait for her to come?”

“But it’s still too long of a wait. Like, how many more weeks?”

“I’m week 27 currently, so… I think I technically have 15 more weeks. Ugh, that’s too long! Don’t get me wrong, I have loved growing my daughter inside of me, but I’m tired of it and just want her here.”

“She’ll be here so enough and causing all sorts of problems then too.”

“I guess you’re right… She’s not going to let me sleep for years.”

“Good thing you won’t be doing this alone. You have Tony, Happy, Rhodey, Nat, Pepper, and, like always, you’ll have me.”

“Thanks Stevie. Means a lot.”

~~~

“I bought some flowers, they’re at my place,” Steve stated as they drove away from the diner. “Can we stop there and I can run in and grab them?”

“Of course, Stevie,” Y/N answered. “You mind if I just stay in the car? I’m getting tired.”

“It’s no problem. I’ll be quick.”

“It’s too bad though. I’ve never seen your new place.”

“And I haven’t seen yours.”

“I’ll convince Tony and we’ll have you over soon. Or I’ll convince him to leave and sneak you over. That probably won’t happen until Morgan’s here though. He barely let me do this.”

“He’s just scared and he cares. It’s who Tony is.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s one of the reasons why I love him.”

“I am happy for you. Even after all that’s happened.”

“Thanks, Stevie. I hope that one day you can find something that makes you happy as well.”

Steve shot a tight-lipped smile at his sister before pulling off to the side and parking. He rolled down the windows a bit, pulled out his keys, and opened his door.

“I won’t be long,” he said, heading out the door.

“And I’ll just me here,” Y/N responded.

She sighed, leaning back the seat. Taking off her seatbelt, Y/N closed her eyes and rubbed her baby bump. She was so tired and just wanted to rest, though nothing was allowing her to. Then again, Y/N felt like something was off. Her eyes opened and she began to scan the area. Something was not right, and hadn’t been all day. Sitting up straighter, as much as she could, her breath started quickening. Not able to see anything in front of her, Y/N checked the review mirror. She gasped just before a black suv came barreling into Steve’s car. 

Y/N was thrown into the dashboard, causing her to cry out. Steve’s car crashed into the car in front of it. The black suv backed up slightly before ramming into Steve’s car again. This time Y/N’s head it the windshield, cracking it. She screamed.

“P-Pl-Please!” She screamed. “My baby!”

As the black suv backed up again, another one barreled in from the side. This crashed Steve’s car into a lamppost. The window next to Y/N shattered all over her. Her vision was fuzzy from her head’s impact with the windshield and she could tell she had begun bleeding in placed because of the shattered windows.

“Because of you, my family is gone!” She heard someone shout from outside the car. “Because of you have the world is gone!”

“Please! Stop!” Y/N screamed. “Please! I’m pregnant!”

“I’m sure others were as well when they turned to ash!”

Tears were soaking Y/N’s cheeks as she tired to get out of the car. But her door was crushed into the lamppost. Her heart and head were pounding as both cars came at her again. She screamed in agony as something impaled her leg. 

“More of you should have died after failing to protect us!” The voice outside the car continued.

The black suv to her side rammed into Steve’s car again, effectively knocking her out cold.

~~~

Steve was whistling as he hurried down the stairs with the flowers. There were two boutiques, one for his parents and one for his nephew. As he exited his building, he froze. His car was totaled and two black suv’s were speeding away.

“Y/N,” he gasped. “Y/N!”

He ran to the car. Y/N was clearly unconscious, leaning against her crushed door. Steve quickly looked over her. She was bleeding, everywhere. Which was terrifying him. Looking for a way to get his sister out, he realized her door was crushed shut and stuck because of the lamppost.

“Y/N, Y/N,” Steve called. “Please answer me. Wake up and answer me.”

When he didn’t get a response, he began to tear things off the car. He needed to get to Y/N, needed to get her out of there before it was too late.

“Mr. Rogers!” An old woman came rushing out of no where. “I’ve called 911! They’re on their way.”

“Thank you, ma’am.” He ripped away the back door, finally.

“They said to wait for them to get her out.”

“Can’t do that. She’s my sister and she’s pregnant.” The sirens were then heard coming towards them.

“Please, Mr. Rogers, they’re almost here. You don’t know what damage you can cause.”

Huffing Steve reached through the shattered window to touch Y/N’s skin. “Stay with me, Y/N. Stay with me.”

~~~

“Where is Y/N?! WHERE IS SHE?!” Steve was sure that Tony’s panic could be heard throughout the whole city. Steve was sitting in the waiting room, head in his hands, as Tony, Happy, and Pepper came running in. “Rogers! Where is Y/N?”

Steve looked up, revealing his puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks. “She’s—Y/N’s in surgery,” he replied, voice breaking.

“What?! How is she? How’s the baby?”

“She’s— they— I’m so sorry, Tony…”

“Rogers,” Tony growled. “Tell me what—“

“Mr. Stark,” a man called, coming out in scrubs. “I was told you’d arrived. I’m one of the doctors on your fiancé’s case.”

“How is she?” Tony turned to the doctor. “How’s the baby?”

“I’m afraid Miss Rogers was brought in with serious injuries. She was bleeding, quite a lot, and had a serious head injury. The baby was also in clear distress.”

“Clear distress?”

“We had to do an emergency c-section to deliver your baby. She’s currently in surgery as well.” Tony stumbled back, Happy steadying him. “They’re both in critical condition and still have quite a few hours of surgery ahead of us. I’ll keep you updated.”

“Thank you,” Pepper said, as the doctor left.

“Tony, let’s sit you down,” Happy said, guiding Tony down into a seat across from Steve.

“What… happened…?” Tony panted. “I thought you were with her?”

“I needed to grab something, Tony,” Steve responded, clearly feeling all the guilt. “I didn’t think that it would be an issue… I came down from my apartment to see my car completely wrecked against the car in front of it and the lamppost beside it… two black suv’s were speeding away. I didn’t get a good look at them.”

“I can’t— I can’t lose them…”

“I know.”

“If I do… I’m blaming you.”

“Don’t worry, Tony. I’m already blaming myself.”

next chapter >

I leave for Disney World this week. It is the last big family vacation that I will be on for a while. Because of that, I will not be on tumblr March 19th through March 24th. I will actually be deleting the app so that it’s not a distraction.

Most likely, nothing will be posted during that time. If something is, it will have been queued up. Things that are posted while I’m out of town will not have tag lists attached. I will put this note in all the fic posts until then.

So do not come at me for spending time with my family instead of including the tag list. (I say that knowing that people won’t care and still come at me…. be respectful and get over yourself.)

Check out the 2 ending chapter titles and possible banners here.

Also, I will be taking all of April off for job hunting and such. Please be kind and understanding. This is important to me.

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

[svu-ncis-criminalminds]

Almost Lost You

Request : Can you write something the the reader is young maybe early to mid 20s and she’s new to the BAU. Hotch is subtly protective over her but she gets shot and has like a near death experience but she ends up making it. In the end Hotch ends up telling her the feelings he has for her.

Your First Day

You sat in the chair across from your new boss, trying not to squirm under his intense gaze, you could tell everything about this man was intense, and while you weren’t a nervous person. He made you nervous. 

“Degrees in psychology and criminal justice. Top marks in the behavioral analysis program. Says here you specialize in interrogation?” You felt like you were in one right now, but on the other side of the table.

“Yes sir.” You answered, hands twitching as they itched to play with the hem of your shirt. For the first time since you entered the building you saw his mouth twitch into almost a smile. Almost. 

“You don’t need to call me sir, Hotch will do.” You nodded. 

“Why interrogation?” He asked curiously. He was trying to picture the young girl in front of him sitting across from some of the most dangerous killers in the world. You didn’t exactly look intimidating. He watched the passion on your face, as the obvious nervousness passed. 

“It’s the most interesting part, in my opinion. Getting people to confess. Some of them want to, some of them don’t. It’s like a puzzle. You need to know them, get into their head. Do you need to be their friend? Their enemy? Do they need to lead the conversation. I know I’m not always the one for the job, sometimes they don’t want to talk to a woman. But I know who they will talk to. Well, usually, obviously there are outliers. Sorry, I’m rambling.” You flushed. 

“You aren’t. I asked a question, you gave me an answer.” You nodded. Hotch looked you over before nodding, mostly to himself. He took a file from his desk and handed it to you. “Here. We leave in 30. The rest of the team can catch you up to speed and we can talk more on the plane.” You took the folder and opened it, briefly reading it before nodding again. 

“Yes sir.” Hotch almost smiled again at that but nodded in return, watching as you got up and left his office. 

A Few Months Later

“Human decomposition begins a mere few minutes after death with a process called autolysis, or self digestion. Soon after the heart stops beating, cells in the body begin to accumulate toxic by-products as a result of oxygen deprivation. Enzymes start to digest cell membranes and then leak out as the cells break down. Then-” 

“Reid, we’re eating.” Morgan complained. 

“So? We see decomposition everyday all day, and yet you manage to always be eating.” Prentiss snorted into her sandwich and you put your own food down, pushing it away. Morgan pointed to your mostly eaten burger. 

“Gonna finish?” He asked, proving Reid’s point. You rolled your eyes fondly. 

“Nah, all yours.” Morgan grabbed the food from your plate and put it on his. Hotch came from where he had been talking to Rossi and sat across from the four of you on the jet. You smiled over at him and he returned it slightly. You were returning from a hard case, one that hit close to home for you on almost all levels. He was probably waiting for you to break down. He’d been hovering over you since the start. You’d never say it to his face but in your mind Hotch was the mother hen of your misfit team. Always worrying about someone. Little did you know, it was mostly you he worried about. 

“Alright?” He asked, everyone around you averted their eyes. You blinked and smiled again, nodding. 

“Peachy, Reid ruined lunch. Again.” You tried to tease, you wished everyone would just knock it off. 

“Hey!” Reid looked over at you, “It wasn’t ruined!” You smiled and nodded before looking back over at your boss, eyes locking with his. 

“I’m fine.” You promised, hoping he got the message. 

Apparently he didn’t, because when you landed he offered to give you a ride home, and didn’t pull away from your curb until you sent a text that you were safely inside. It was sweet of him to care, you thought to yourself as you texted Hotch. 

A Year Later

You held your hands up and tried to be as calm as you could, smiling at the young man who was currently waving a gun in your general direction. He was having a psychotic break, you were sure of it. 

“It’s alright.” You promised him, “We aren’t here to hurt you.” 

“They’re here they sent you they sent you to kill me, I’m going to kill you first!” You shook your head, Prentiss was beside you, gun still raised. You had yours down, as you stepped forward slightly. 

“We’re not here to kill you, we just want to talk to you. No guns, just talking.” The boy, god he was only a boy, maybe 18 or 19. He waved the gun towards Prentiss and you tried not to wince. You had to be calm. 

“She’s got a gun!!” He fired off a shot and you jumped back, but the bullet just went into a nearby wall. Too nearby. 

“She’s putting the gun down,”

“Y/N.” Prentiss replied. In the second it took you to turn to look at your partner a loud bang when off, and you felt searing pain all throughout your body. Before you even hit the ground there was a second loud bang and the boy fell into a pile in front of you.

“No!” He was just a boy, “No..” You saw Prentiss above you, and you could see her lips moving but the sound of blood pounding in your ears was too loud for you to make out words. A second person arrived and you felt pressure on your abdomend. Hotch’s face was the last thing you saw, worried and panicked, before you blacked out. 

Hotch was cupping your face in his hands, one finger on your pulse point while Prentiss continued to press on the wound. 

“A bus is on the way.” Morgan confined, “Can I do anything?” 

“Wait outside, make sure they get in here as quickly as possible.” Hotch ordered, feeling your pulse growing thready and faint below him. 

“She’s going to be alright.” Prentiss assured her own worry written all over her face. There was too much blood for Hotch to be confronted. He continued to cup you cheek, gently rubbing his thumb on your cheek bone. 

“She better be.” He said, then in a whisper, “You better be, Y/N, if you can hear me that’s an order. You better be okay. Please, you need to be okay.” 

One Week Later

Your eyes fluttered open and everything was entirely too bright. 

“Close the curtains,” Were the first words out of your mouth, and they came out in a hoarse grumble. 

“Y/N!” Your boss’s voice came from beside you and suddenly he was right in front of you, eyes big and soft. He was in a t-shirt and plain jeans, it felt weird seeing him so casual. 

“Where am I?” You asked, trying to sit yourself up, but a gentle hand on your shoulder pushed out back against the bed. 

“Don’t move, you’ll pull out our stitches.” 

“Stitches?” You asked, looking around, “I’m in the hospital?” Hotch nodded, keeping his hand on your shoulder as he rubbed gentle circles. It was coming back to you now. The case, the boy, the gun. The boy.

“Is he alright? The kid who shot me?” You asked and Hotch’s face stoned up. He looked away from you and you knew the answer. Your head fell back onto the mattress as you stared up at the ceiling. “He was just a kid.” 

“He nearly killed you.” Hotch’s voice was firm.

“I’m fine,” 

“No Y/N.” Hotch moved so you were looking at him again, holding you gaze with intense eyes. “You almost died. Touch and go. Surgery. Intensive care. We couldn’t even get you transferred to DC, we’re still in Florida.” 

“Where is everyone?” 

“They were here, but another case popped up. They had to leave.” You watched him. 

“Without you?” Hotch smiled, his hand still on your shoulder finally moved, only to clasp around your hand, holding it tightly. 

“I wasn’t going to let you wake up alone.” You smiled slightly and nodded, squeezing his hand back. 

“Thank you.” 

“Y/N.” 

“Hm?” You asked. Hotch’s free hand came up to move some hair from your face. 

“Don't you ever. Ever. Do that to me again.” You smirked slightly. 

“No promises.” Hotch frowned deeply. 

“I’m serious. I cannot lose you Y/N… I- I care too deeply for you.” You didn’t know what to say. You weren’t sure what it is he was trying to say to you. 

“Hotch... “ He lifted your clasped hands and kissed the back of yours. 

“I love you, Y/N.” He whispered and you felt your heart almost stop for the second time that week. You squeezed his hand back and nodded your head. 

“I love you too Aaron.”

[hercleverboy]

miss you, love you

spencer reid x reader 

summary ↠ spencer never came home from the case.

category ↠ angst

warnings/includes ↠ major character death, depression, funerals.

word count ↠ 2.7k

“My heartbreak is grief that comes in waves, gruelling, stealing appetite and sleep alike.” — Angela Abraham

Ring

Ring

Ring

“Hi, you’ve reached Dr. Spencer Reid. I can’t come to the phone right now, so leave me a message and I’ll get back to you.”

Y/N stared down at her phone in her hands. She listened as the dial tone rang out, before ending the call and dialling again.

“Hi, you’ve reached Dr. Spencer Reid-“

She wondered if she was insane, dialling same number over and over just so she could hear his voice again.

It had been 3 days since Spencer had left for the case. It was a more local one, so he wasn’t going to be thousands of miles away this time. That didn’t lessen the worry that consumed her whenever he left the house. She knew how dangerous his job could be, and while she knew he could handle himself, and that the team would protect him with their lives, she couldn’t help but worry. Spencer knew she worried, but he was always quick to reassure her that he would always come back to her. Before, he’d admit, he could be reckless in the field at times. However, that was before he met her, before he fell in love with her, before she became his wife on a warm evening last July. He used to come home from rough cases to a cold and empty apartment, left to tend to his cuts and scratches alone with his thoughts. But now, he had someone waiting for him to come home. He had a family, someone who depended on him, who needed him.

So he made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t be so reckless, that he would always come home to her.

When he’d left for the case a few days ago, for what would be the last time, she made sure to say goodbye the same way she always did. (Though now she found herself wishing she’d said more.)

“Thank you for making breakfast baby, but I gotta go!” Spencer had exclaimed, rushing to throw his satchel over his shoulder and grab his coat. He shoved the last bite of his blueberry pancake in his mouth before moving to kiss Y/N’s cheek, then scrambling to the door.

“Spence!” She called after him, making her way to the front door, where Spencer had stuck his head back inside the door to see why she’d called him. “You forgot something.”

He gave her a confused look, patting down his pockets to check he had everything. “Did I? I’ve got my phone, my car keys-“

Y/N cut him off by pressing her lips to his, and Spencer melted into it, figuring that the telling off he’d get from Hotch for being late was worth it to spend a few more minutes with her.

“I love you. Be safe.” She whispered against his lips and he smiled, pecking her on the lips again quickly.

“I promise, Mrs Reid. I love you too.”

And then he was gone.

That was the last time she would see her husband alive.

She remembered the day vividly. The day she’d always dreaded would come.

It was JJ who had called her at 2AM, sobbing down the line.

“Y/N, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m-“

“JJ? What’s wrong? Oh god, is it Spence? Is he okay?”

JJ had just cried harder at the question, begging her to come to the hospital. Y/N didn’t take the time to question her, instead pulling on her shoes and grabbing her car keys. She drove quickly to the hospital, tears clouding her vision. When she got to the hospital, she asked the receptionist for Spencer Reid, and she’d told her he was on the second floor. She’d taken the stairs, far too anxious to stand in the elevator. When she rounded the corner she was met with her husbands team, standing in front of the room she assumed was his.

Hotch noticed her first. “Y/N-“

“Where is he?” She asked, the tears slipping from her eyes.

“Y/N please, just let me explain-“

“I said where is he, Aaron? Where’s my husband?”

“Y/N-“

“I swear to god if you don’t tell me what’s going on-“ Her voice caught in her throat as she finally glanced over into the room that the team stood in front of, almost as though they were shielding her from what was inside. On the bed lied a body, covered by a white sheet. A still, unmoving body.

“Y/N-“

“I need to see him.” She murmured. JJ came toward her, placing her hand on Y/N’s arm.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Y/N-“

“I said I need to see him.” She spat coldly, harshly shrugging JJ’s hand away.

Hotch led Y/N into the room and JJ followed, closing the door behind them. It was Hotch who gently pulled back the white sheet to reveal Y/N’s greatest fear.

Spencer.

Y/N didn’t recognise that the heartbroken scream that filled the room was coming from her lips until Hotch’s arms wrapped around her, to stop her from falling to the floor as her knees buckled beneath her. She sank to the ground in Hotch’s grasp as the sobs ripped from her throat. The pain was unimaginable. It felt as though someone had ripped her heart from her chest. Like it had been torn from her and crushed in front of her eyes.

She couldn’t b r e a t h e.

She whimpered out incomprehensible words as she wept. “Please. Please, no. Not him. He promised. He promised me.”

JJ had to clasp a hand over her mouth to stop herself from sobbing aloud as she watched the heartbreaking scene before her. She remembered how she felt when she thought Will had died in the bank, how she wondered how she would live without him, how she would ever breathe again without the love of her life by her side. She couldn’t begin to comprehend the pain Y/N felt.

Hotch attempted to soothe the wailing girl in his arms, but it did nothing. He recalled how he felt when Haley died, and his heart ached at the thought of Y/N suffering the same unbearable hurt that he did. Whilst he was heartbroken at the death of the BAU’s youngest member, he was easily the most emotionally well-put together at the moment. Garcia, Morgan and JJ were absolutely inconsolable. Emily sat in the waiting room chair in a state of shock as silent tears trembled down her cheeks. Rossi sat next to her, his head in his hands as he cried.

Y/N trembled in Hotch’s arms, her entire frame shaking as she wept. Hotch’s eyes met JJ’s, and he signalled for JJ to pull the sheet back over Spencer, so she didn’t have to look anymore.

As if that mattered.

As if the image wasn’t already burned into her brain.

Eventually Hotch pulled Y/N up to stand, still holding her close to him as she relied on him to stop them from both collapsing to the ground again.

“I’m gonna get Derek to take you home, okay Y/N?” He whispered, attempting not to alarm her. She still panicked, shaking her head profusely as she whimpered.

“No, no. Aaron I can’t leave him here. He’s all alone, please.” She begged, but she ultimately knew Hotch was right.

She allowed herself to be taken to Derek’s car. He took her back to the house (Y/N could hardly call it a home anymore), and parked up outside it.

Y/N made no move to get out of the car. Derek turned to her, the woman his best friend loved. Derek wouldn’t tell Y/N this, but in his last moments Spencer had made him promise that he would take care of her If something happened to him. And Derek would keep that promise if it was the last thing he did.

“Y/N we have to go inside.” He tried gently, and watched as the tears still fell from her red eyes.

“How did It happen?” Her voice was cold and numb.

“I’m not going to tell you that-“

“Derek please. I need to know.” She choked out, her eyes meeting his.

“He jumped in front of a bullet to save the life of a little girl.”

It only made Y/N sob harder. Her husband had died giving his life for a young girl. She didn’t know how that made her feel.

Derek got out of the car, coming over and opening the door for Y/N. She nodded to him gratefully as he helped her out of the car, her shaky hands grabbing onto him to give her something to hold onto. “Will you stay for a little while? I can’t be alone, not here.” She cried, and he nodded, holding back a cry of his own.

“Of course I will.”

The house felt cold and empty. Spencer and Y/N had purchased the home shortly after getting married, with promises of raising their family here. As they came in through the front door, Y/N stared at the battered pair of Spencer’s converse that were lying by the door.

He’d never wear them again.

As she looked around the rooms that she once found so much comfort in, but now felt so suffocated, she noticed how his things were everywhere. His books scattered around the living room, his suits still hung in the wardrobe, his toothbrush sat by the sink.

He was still everywhere she looked.

Derek had stayed for a few hours, trying to get Y/N to eat and sleep before he left. As soon as the door had closed behind him, Y/N sunk to her knees, collapsing in on herself. She’d never felt a pain so intense, so all-consuming. Her chest burned and she begged and she prayed for it all to be a sick, twisted nightmare. That she’d wake up in bed, in Spencer’s arms like she was supposed to be, and he’d soothe her with his calming voice, his large hand gently rubbing her back.

“It was just a nightmare baby. You’re okay, I’m here. Nothing will ever hurt you as long as I’m here.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, pinched herself a hundred times because she just couldn’t accept that any of this could be real, that she would have to face the world without him by her side.

She realised then that she didn’t know how to live in a world where Spencer Reid doesn’t exist.

The team called, but she never picked up.

“Hi there, sweet girl, it’s Penelope. I just wanted to check in. I stopped by your house again, and I noticed you haven’t taken in any of my baskets. It’s okay, I left you another one today. You like cashews, right?”

“Hey, it’s Derek. Please just send me a text letting me know you’re still there. Cause you know I’ll break down that door if I have to.”

“Y/N, it’s JJ. I just wanted to remind you that the funerals on Monday. We really hope you’ll come, but we understand if you can’t. I’m always here if you need to talk.”

Y/N just listened as the the dial tone rang out after JJ’s voicemail. She was sat up against the wall of the living room, her knees to her chest as she stared at the phone that sat on the floor before her. She hadn’t showered in weeks, and she hadn’t eaten in god knows how long. None of that stuff seemed important to her, really. She noted how JJ had reminded her that Spencer’s funeral was on Monday. At first she didn’t want to go. She wasn’t sure she could handle it. All these people who were probably going to be there, talking about how they missed him, as If they’d cared about him while he was here. Though she knew she owed it to her husband. She had to be strong enough to go. So, she pulled herself up and forced herself to shower for the first time in a long while.

She wasn’t sure how long she sat on the shower floor, her tears mixing with the water that fell on her face.

She dried herself off and dressed herself for bed, knowing she had to try and get some sleep before Monday. When she opened up the wardrobe in search of her pyjamas, her eyes lingered on his clothes that were nearly hung and stacked on his side of the wardrobe. Her lip quivered. Up until then, she hadn’t dared to touch any of his things. The half drunk coffee was in his favourite mug was still sat on his bedside table. She knew it would start to smell soon but she couldn’t bring herself to move it. His shoes that laid scattered in their hallway from where he’d thrown them off one night were still in the same place he’d left them. She brought her hand out to gently touch the fabric of one of his hoodies. She tenderly took the fabric from the hanger, bringing it up to her nose as she inhaled deeply.

She let out a cry.

It still smelled like him.

She pulled the hoodie over her head, watching as it fell to her knees. He always was so much taller than her.

She curled up in bed that night, the scent of him calming her, lulling her to sleep.

It was the best sleep she’d gotten in weeks.

When Monday inevitably came, Y/N had called JJ to ask for a lift to the cemetery. JJ sounded surprised but glad at Y/N’s request.

As they watched her husband be lowered into the ground, Y/N couldn’t stop the tears that fell from her eyes. JJ held her hand tightly throughout it, comforting her as she cried. Y/N couldn’t say it then but she was so thankful for the teams support. If it weren’t for them, she’d be doing this alone and that would be even more unbearable.

Y/N had agreed to say some words at the funeral, despite Derek reassuring her that it was okay if she didn’t want to, she insisted.

Taking a deep breath, she started.

“My husband was many things. He was stubborn, at times. A bit of a know it all, which I loved about him.” She gave a teary chuckle, and the team gave one too, as they fondly remembered their friend. “But he was also kind, and loving. He was the best husband I could’ve asked for, and it was a privilege to love him, and to have his love in return. Spencer Reid was easily the best thing that ever happened to me, and I will honour him for the rest of my life.” She turned to face the newly placed headstone.

‘             Spencer Reid

Beloved Friend, son and Husband.’

That night, she sat up against the wall in their living room again, wrapped in Spencer’s jumper. She pressed the familiar number on her phone again, finding comfort in the sound of his voice.

“Hi, you’ve reached Dr. Spencer Reid. I can’t come to the phone right now, so leave a message and I’ll get back to you.”

Beep.

“Hey, Spence. I don’t know if you know, if you’re somehow watching me from up there but, I call this number a lot. I just want to hear your voice, sometimes. Even if it’s just your stupid voicemail.” She chuckled quietly. “I don’t actually have anything else to say. But I’m going to stop calling this number. It’s not good for me, to keep clinging onto you like this. So this will be the last time I call you. I can let you go now.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “I’ll always love you, Spencer Reid. I promise.” She grabbed at the chain that hung from her neck, which now had his wedding ring dangling from it. “You’re the love of my life. And what an extraordinary life it was.” She smiled. “Maybe in another life, we get to be one another’s forever. But not in this one, it would seem.”

She knew she had to stop calling the number. It was damaging her, clinging onto his voice. She knew that if she wanted to be able to let him go, she had to start there.

“Okay. I’m gonna go now. miss you, love you.”

She ended the call, staring down at the phone, as the numbness she’d grown accustom to filled her.

She tried to convince herself she didn’t need to call again. She didn’t need to hear is voice again. Maybe things would be different, now she’d laid him to rest. Maybe now they’d both finally know peace.

Beep.

“Hi, this is Dr. Spencer Reid-“

But then again, when had the universe ever been so kind?

[qvid-pro-qvo]

do you have a favorite Criminal Minds episode overall? Do you have a favorite for each character?

mmmmmmm very good question to think about as i comfort rewatch :) also, probably gonna do favorite here and not best, because i think those are two separate questions. you’ll also see my bias toward earlier episodes here. whoops. 

favorite episode overall - this is a tough one, but i LOVE the episodes where we see the work of profiling, and in some episodes this is really shown as an art form. i would have to say “seven seconds” (3x01). i love the enclosed space the mall serves as geography, i love how they interview the family, i love the way they bounce off of each other. i could watch this episode every day. shit like this is why criminal minds is great. there are other episodes that i could classify as favorites but probably fall into the category of character episodes. 

this unsurprisingly got long, like novel-lengthy, so i’m sticking the individual characters under a cut.

hotch 

aaron hotchner. there’s a reason i write fic for this man, besides the fact that i feel like in later seasons he is the epitome of one note most times. we see him smile every so often, but i also think i latch onto earlier episodes because we see so much of his care for those he cares for. i LOVE “lessons learned” (2x10) for him. i LOVE the way he is so blatantly shown to adore haley and jack. i think this is one of the episodes that speaks volumes across the show, even as his humanity kind of gets stripped away in the later episodes. i think this is a great intro for emily prentiss, too, but i don’t put it with her because while she does shine, i like other episodes for her better. the foyet storyline, of course, all the way through its conclusion in “route 66” (9x05). i really love the way we see his adoration for haley and jack, i love the way we see him grapple with his guilt, and. fuck. i just care about aaron hotchner a lot. also i can’t not say “it takes a village” (7x01) - beard hotch? inspired my first ever fic for him? yeah.  also, i think it also shows the things he is willing to do for his team, because i truly think that if any member of the team was in that situation, he would be there for them and do the exact same thing. hypothetically. 

rossi 

rossi isn’t my favorite character for a variety of reasons, namely because i never really felt connected to him and i think he... is a tool for the writers to bring things out of left field. but i think a huge growth moment for him and for me in terms of appreciating him as a character is “zoe’s reprise” (4x15). the rossi that comes back to the bau is definitely one who is a lot of things, and this episode pretty much expertly breaks down every wall that he’s put up since he left. we see him empathize with a victim, see him get told off when he tries to use money to fix the situation, we see him reflect on the consequences of his actions and the way that even though he’s kind of an ass when he first comes on, there’s more underneath. like i said, he’s not my favorite character, but this episode does a good job of working in much needed humanization of him. also, of course, the dinner scene in “proof” (7x02) could be an episode all on it’s own. “as a family.” you’re so right, rossi, you’re so right. 

derek 

god, i fucking love derek episodes. i love, love, love derek morgan. i high-key think that shemar moore does some of the most incredible/versatile acting on this show, and i’m not even speaking in hyperbole. we can talk about microexpressions from hotch and mgg’s portrayal all we want, but the way shemar moore delivers a man who suffered from some of the worst childhood trauma and creates a layered character with some of the most incredible empathy towards others on his team and victims is just jaw-dropping. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again - derek is the most emphathetic character and the most in tune with the rest of the team. he is 100% the character who knows what others are feeling and actually acts on it. his relationships with spencer and penelope and emily -

but the episodes. there are tons of points in episodes focused on other characters where he shines (”penelope” and “mayhem” are two that come to mind) but honestly? “profiler, profiled” (2x12). not because of the trauma, but because how derek reacts to the trauma. we see him go through the five stages of grief when it comes to watching his persona, his shield, crumble around his team. we see him get taken apart and put himself back together. it is one of those episodes that makes me cry every time i watch it. derek confronting carl buford, that scene - f u c k. that’s all i have to say. 

penelope 

i absolutely adore my girl penelope. her character-centric episodes are some of my absolute favorite in the show. and it’s more like, i see a lot of myself in her even if i don’t absolutely identify with her personality (i am not nearly as sunshiney, unfortunately). so for her, i have to go with the classic “penelope” (3x09) for one. first of all, i think that the way the team cares for her is so vital. she is the heart of the team. and this episode shows it. more than that, i think it also shows how important a role she plays when she’s fully functioning, and we get reminded of how much she so desperately cares for others. i rewatch this episode often. another one for her is “exit wounds” (5x21). once again showing how much she cares for others, and also a really good/great/awesome derek and penelope moment. i love how often we get reassured that the team wants her exactly how she is, and she doesn’t have to change to catch the bad guys, and the moment where she says she looked into that man’s eyes so he could see something brilliant and bright as he died? god. sticks with me. 

emily

now. i’m not gonna lie. i think while i simp for hotch, emily is the most interesting character in the canon besides derek. i think while there are some problems in terms of continuity in her storyline, i think her journey in season six is one of my absolutely favorites to rewatch. i love watching her manipulate doyle. do i think the show could’ve done more in terms of fallout? yes. do i care? not totally. it’s a procedural, i get it. i love emily prentiss (probably am in love with her). i think her introduction in “lessons learned” is expert. while “demonology” (4x17) isn’t my favorite episode overall (i felt a disconnect with the story they were trying to tell in terms of unsub), i think for emily it’s such a brilliant look into her psyche and the way she thinks about her past. and i think “lauren” (6x18) is awesome at making the audience really look, watching her grapple with the consequences of her actions, her breakdown when she hears garcia’s message and having to quickly put herself back together... yeah, i love it. another one? “minimal loss” (4x03). i LOVE minimal loss. not only because of the story and the unsub, because emily throwing herself verbally in front of spencer to protect him is one of the top tier moments in the show. her and spencer’s relationship... fuck, so good.

spencer

there is a reason that spencer reid sticks around through fifteen seasons and it is because he is the soul of show. no, i’m not kidding. i think there is a lot of development that happens with spencer and when his individual relationships are highlighted the show shines. i think when the show, well, showcases his ingenuity it thrives. one episode that i just rewatched that comes to mind is “derailed” (1x09). the intensity of the episode is highlighted by spencer’s moments of humor, humanity, and intelligence. i like “revelations” (2x15) for the same reason. we see his genius through the eyes of the team and we’re just as in awe of him as hotch and gideon are. (did he get the support he needed after that episode? no, and i’ll die mad about it.) also his relationship with his mother, i will cry about it at any moment of the day. i LOVE their relationship, i love the way they develop, i LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the fact that we see the both of them throughout the whole series. “the fisher king, part two” (2x01) and the growth moments between the both of them - like, god, rip my heart out kind of love. fuck, and don’t even get me started on HIS empathy. the way that he reaches out to so many people who are suffering through his ability to just... listen. he doesn’t overlook anyone. he can’t. he knows what it feels like. some examples i love “the uncanny valley” (5x12) and “coda” (6x16).

jj

jj. there’s a lot i could say about jj, but i will say this. i do think liaison jj is more interesting, inherently, than profiler jj, and i do think that her character is reduced as the series goes along. i honestly think she is more of an equal with the rest of the team when she is liaison and plays that role. i will say, though, that i think her own exhibition of empathy, namely through the way she is willing to take the brunt of communicating with victims and families, is brilliant throughout the show. she does so much and i wish we saw her do even more (also she is canonically one of the best shots on the team, and i LOVE that). my favorite episodes for her is “risky business” (5x13), because as someone who has lost a friend in the same way jj lost her sister, i really felt for her and i think this gave us so much insight into WHY she does what she does. and “the longest night” (6x01) because her speech impacts the unsub almost as much as it impacts me. there’s a reason hotch wants her to be the one on the radio waves, and she nails it because she’s competent and incredible and... yeah. i do love her.

[degrassi-fanatic]

Your Father’s Son

With his back towards the door of the master bedroom, Reid rests on his side as he attempts to even out his breathing. Though the house is completely silent, he can barely register the sound of the front door clicking open over the breaths he has to heave into his lungs, nor does he notice the footfalls steadily making their way towards his direction, not until Aaron is stood in front of him.

Reid doesn’t bother making eye contact, only dropping his focus to the wooden panels of the bedroom floor and the socks adorning Aaron’s feet.

“You okay?” Aaron asks, the worry evident in his voice as he sits down on the empty space beside Reid.

The only response he receives from Reid is a barely-there nod.

“Doesn’t seem like it.” he says softly.

Without another word, Aaron tugs the younger man upwards, just enough to be able to slide in and sit behind him. Arms wrap around Reid’s midsection, while Aaron pushes his chest further into Reid’s back.

For a while, the two of them remain quiet. Reid doesn’t say anything and Aaron doesn’t ask him anything else, only waiting patiently for him to gather the courage to say whatever it was that was bothering him.

How could he, though?

Everytime Reid merely thinks about what happened, his throat closes up and his eyes begin to sting.

God, it’s just like him to be dealt a mortal blow by a seven year old’s words.

The day had started off as a regular Saturday for the three of them; Aaron went for his daily run, while Reid watched over Jack, who was practicing his soccer drills in the backyard. They all ate breakfast together and soon Morgan was calling Aaron, asking if he was available to help him fix up some houses.

Once Aaron had left Jack and Reid alone in the house, all hell had broken loose. All Reid had done was ask Jack to go finish up his homework so he wouldn’t be cramming Sunday evening, and soon the two of them were arguing over nothing.

For someone with an eidetic memory, his brain didn’t seem to want to recall the details for once. Perhaps, his brain was only trying to protect him from the worst of it all.

Yet, Reid has no clue what could be worse than hearing your son shout that you weren’t his father?

“He said I wasn’t his father.” Reid croaks out, water already collecting in his eyes.

“What?”

“We had a disagreement,” he explains before swallowing hard, in an attempt to keep himself from crying, “Then, suddenly, he was shouting at me that I wasn’t his father.”

Palms run up and down the sides of Reid’s arms to help soothe him but it’s to no avail as he begins to hiccup uncontrollably; tears rolling down his face and dripping down his chin. He presses his face into the side of Aaron’s neck, as if to hide away from all of his problems.  

“Jack doesn’t know what he’s saying.” Aaron murmurs softly, almost unheard over the sound of Reid crying.

“Sounded like he did.”

“He’s just a kid,” he says, “Jack didn’t mean it.”

“Easy for you to say.” Reid mumbles into the skin of Aaron’s throat, “You’re his father.”

He hears Aaron sigh before his fingers lace through the thick strands of Reid’s hair, tugging him up to face Aaron. Using the ends of his sleeves, he wipes away at the tears pooling under Reid’s lashline and his runny nose.

“How about this?” he begins, “I’ll get Jack to apologize to you.”

Before he has even finished speaking, Reid is already shaking his head in refusal.

What’s the point? He knows Jack means it, that he doesn’t think of Reid as his father, no matter how many times he calls him Papa.

“Don’t be like that.” Aaron admonishes gently.

Before Reid can start on a disapproving tangent, Aaron gets up from the bed, and heads out of the bedroom, marching down the hall to Jack’s own.

Knowing that there is no way out of the situation, Reid takes a deep breath in as he forces himself to calm down and get a hold of himself; Jack may not be his son but he refuses to let him feel guilty at the sight of Reid crying.

As Reid focuses on drawing in consistent breaths, he hears the telltale sound of sock-clad feet hitting the floor and he looks up to find Aaron carrying Jack. The boy is frowning, and just the sight of him makes Reid want to start crying all over again.

Reid positions himself so he’s sitting cross-legged as Aaron sets Jack down right in front of him on the comforter. Beside the bed, Aaron hovers over Reid with his hands on his hips as he looks at his son expectantly.

“Jack, don’t you have something to say to your papa?” Aaron questions.

In front of him, Jack scrunches up his face in disdain before folding his arms across his chest and pointedly looking away from the two of them.

At his reaction, Aaron loudly exhales before bringing a hand up to wipe at his face, while Reid tries his absolute best to rein in the tears.

“Jack,” Aaron says sternly, “If you don’t apologize to your papa, you’re not going to the planetarium with him tomorrow.”

“I don’t want to go anywhere with Spencer.” Jack sneers as he finally turns to look at the two of them again.

“Don’t call your papa by his name.” Aaron scolds.

“Why doesn’t Spencer go with Henry, huh?” Jack retorts.

What?

The words are enough to pull Reid out of his little pathetic episode as both he and Aaron twist to look at each other; sharing a look of confusion at the abrupt mention of Henry.

Why on Earth did Jack mention Henry? He had nothing to do with this.

Or did he?

Before anyone else can get another word out, Reid reaches out for Aaron’s hand. He tugs on it to gain his attention before tilting his head in the direction of the door. Needing no further prompting, Aaron leaves both Jack and Reid alone before shutting the door behind him, giving them some privacy.

“Why did you mention Henry?” Reid questions.

“Who cares?”

“I care, Jack.” he says, “Okay, listen, I just want to know why you said I wasn’t your father.”

“Whatever.”

This was going to be a lot harder than Reid thought.

“Jack…”

Scooting closer to the boy, Reid reaches out for Jack’s hands, only to have him yank them away from his grasp. The reaction has Reid biting back a sob because before this afternoon, Jack used to cling to him at every available opportunity. He used to hold Reid’s hand no matter how many times his cousins teased him for not being a big boy. Jack used to climb into Reid’s lap for his bedtime story. He used to—

Jack never used to move away from Reid’s touches.

What had happened to the two of them? What did Reid do to them?

“Why don’t you go ask Henry?” Jack snarls.

And what did Henry have anything to do with all of this?

“What is your problem with Henry?” Reid asks, exasperated, “I thought you two were friends.”

The frown on Jack’s face tapers off. Instead, his brows come together as if he is deep thought. Soon, he drops his head down to stare at the comforter, in place of looking at Reid.

“He is my friend.” he answers back, slowly as if he’s confirming with himself.

“Then, why do you keep mentioning him?”

“Because he’s your godson.” Jack says as if that’s an answer.

“I still don’t know what’s going on, Jack.” Reid pleads.

Jack’s arms fall away from his chest. His tiny hands forming fists in the comforter he’s clutching between his fingers.

“You don’t remember do you?” he questions, quietly.

Reid has no clue where this sudden streak of sadness came from but, all he knows is he wants to remedy it as quickly as he can. He lowers his head enough to meet Jack’s eyes, which are now full of unshed tears.

“Remember what?” Reid asks, gently.

“Last week, you forgot to come to my science fair.” Jack explains as he lifts his head up to look at Reid, “I spent so long making my project and I was going to show it to you and I kept waiting and waiting and waiting but you never showed up. When I asked Dad and Aunt Jess where you were, they thought you already told me you weren’t going to be there.”

Reid had missed Jack’s science fair?

It shouldn’t have been that terribly big of an ordeal except Reid had promised to be there. Jack said he was going to make a project that even someone as smart as Reid would be impressed by, proud of even.

Little did Jack know, Reid was going to be proud, regardless of what he made.

Except he couldn’t be because he had somehow missed it, which should have been impossible with a memory like his and even if it wasn’t, Reid had written it into every single calendar in the house and at the office, and he had Garcia help him set a reminder on his cellphone.

“I thought your science fair was next Tuesday.” Reid admits, brokenly.

How could Reid have missed Jack’s science fair?

“No, it was last Tuesday.” Jack says.

Suddenly, Reid knows exactly why Jack has been mentioning Henry this entire time and it makes his chest ache.

“The same day I went to Henry’s soccer game.” Reid states.

“You picked Henry over me.”

“Hey, that’s not what happened.” he says desperately, “I’m sorry I missed your science fair but I was just confused. I would have been there.”

“No, you wouldn’t have.” Jack corrects as he shakes his head, “You’d probably be helping Henry with his own project.”

“Are you…” Reid begins, “Are you jealous of Henry?”

He doesn’t get an answer from Jack. No nodding or head shaking, no verbal reply, not even a physical movement that Reid could have interpreted.

Yet, Jack’s silence is more than enough of a response.

“You know you’re important to me, Jack?” he reminds him, “I love you.”

“No, you don’t.” he cries, tears finally spilling down his cheeks, “You don’t love me because I’m stupid and I cry like a baby over stupid things and I get nightmares and I mess things up. I make your life suck. I make Dad’s life suck. I make Aunt Jess’s life suck too.”

As Jack takes in a ragged breath, he drops his gaze before shoving his hands underneath his armpits, curling into himself. Sobs wracking through his tiny body with such intensity that it has Reid worried the boy is going to make himself sick.

Reid’s hands move out of their own volition and soon he’s dragging Jack into his lap as he wraps his arms around him, guiding him to rest his head on Reid’s chest. He rubs a palm down his back as Jack lets out sob after sob into Reid’s shirt.

“Hey, shh, you don’t do any of those things.” Reid whispers.

Hair tickles Reid’s neck as he feels Jack shake his head against his chest.

“I do.” he says, “Which is why you love Henry more.”

“I don’t love Henry more.”

“Why not?” Jack asks as he lifts his head off of Reid’s chest, the tears still streaming down his face, “You’ve known him since he was a baby. You’ve only known me for a couple of years.”

“That’s not how love works, Jack.” he explains as he smooths a hand down his hair, “You can’t compare it, and you certainly can’t put its value in time.”

“Henry’s smarter than me too.” he admits as if that’s enough to convince Reid to love him less, “He gets the highest marks in class and he’s not like me. He doesn’t need help with math or reading big words.”

“There’s nothing wrong with needing help.” Reid says, “Everyone needs help at some point.”

“You never need help with reading big words.”

“Well, I’m not like most people.” he reminds, “I’m weird.”

“A good weird.”

A soft smile appears on Reid’s face. It was just like Jack to comfort other people, even when he was the one in need of it. He really was his father’s son.

“Henry is my godson.” Reid says as he cradles Jack’s face with his hands, “But, you Jack? You’re my son. The love I feel for you is different than the one I feel for Henry but, one’s not better than the other; just different.”

Jack darts his eyes downward and stares at the collar of Reid’s shirt, instead of Reid himself. The tears in his eyes have come to a gradual stop.

“So, you’re not gonna get sick of me?” Jack asks quietly.

Later, Reid is going to figure out how on Earth Jack could ever entertain the notion that he, or anyone for that matter, could get sick of him. He’s going to figure out how that idea got into his head and make sure it never does again.

Now, Reid just leans over and presses a soft kiss to Jack’s forehead, his palms still encompassing the boy’s face.

“Never, Jack.” he swears, “Are you gonna get sick of me?”

“Never.”

After a moment, Reid’s palms fall from Jack’s face but the boy doesn’t let him stray far; he grabs at Reid’s fingers and holds his hands in his own like he’s done every other time.

“Why don’t you show me that project you made?” Reid asks.

“It’s okay.” Jack says as he shakes his head, “It’s not that good anyway. I didn’t win anything.”

“Anything you make is award-winning, even if it isn’t to others.” he answers, “After all, you’re my son.”

At his words, Jack flashes Reid his toothy grin.

[reidingandwriting]

Love, Mom

Word Count: ~1700 words

Ship: Natasha Romanoff x Reader (Mother!Natasha) Peter Parker x Reader (if you pay attention) Tony Stark x Reader (Dad!Tony) brief IronFam, Clint x Reader (parental/platonic)

Warnings: Language, mention of guns and gunshots, sort of Endgame compliant, quite a bit of angst in this one!

You may not have been a Romanoff by blood, but you damn sure were one by love. You were sixteen when Natasha took a chance on you and rescued you from the Hydra base you had been living in since you were a toddler. When you turned three, your birth parents found out you had the power to control fire. Your parents were terrified of you and the powers you had, and they dropped you off at a children’s home for “extraordinary youth”. This turned out to be a Hydra child trafficking ring, and for the next thirteen years, you went under intense training to become Hydra’s youngest but most valuable asset. It’s been two years since the day you met Natasha and the other Avengers, but you remembered it like it was yesterday.

~~~

You rounded the hallway, holding your gun as your eyes scanned the hall. You walked silently, stepping over the fallen bodies and flinched as you heard another faint gunshot. You’ve heard gunshots regularly since your arrival, but they never got easier to hear. You turned left down another hallway and stumbled when you ran into a woman with red hair. Neither of you moved. Your training told you to kill her and move on, but for some reason, you couldn’t. She didn’t feel like a threat, she felt safe. Your gun shook in your hands and you kept eye contact as you slowly bent down, setting the gun on the floor. ‘I’m safe!’ You wanted to yell, but you hoped your action spoke louder than words ever could.

“What’s your name, kid?” She took the opportunity to speak and your voice wavered as you answered.

“Y/N.” You watched as she nodded.

“How long have you been here, Y/N?”

“Thirteen years.”

She opened her mouth to speak and then paused, as if she heard something. She moved her hand to her ear and spoke.

“I’m on the top floor. I found...” She glanced at you and she saw a younger version of herself in you. You didn’t show it, but you were scared. You couldn’t afford to be scared, fear made you a target. You didn’t want to be here, to be their puppet. You wouldn’t have put your gun down if you did.

“Natasha?” The voice in her earpiece snapped her out of her trance. “Do you need backup?”

“No backup. I found a hostage. Unarmed.” She gave you a pointed look and you nodded. “She’s young.”

“Bring her with you.” Tony’s voice cut in. “At the very least, we’ll have Dr. Cho check her out.”

The redhead looked at you and you trembled slightly, eyes on the floor.

“Y/N? I need you to trust me, okay?” You nodded slightly and a ghost of a smile played on Natasha’s lips. “I’m going to get you out of here, you’ll be safe. I just need your help getting out of here. Do you think we can do that?” You nodded again, wordlessly leading the way out of the warehouse.

~~~

You had boarded the jet that day and been flown to your new home at the Avengers Compound. You didn’t talk much in the beginning, only one or two word responses reserved for Natasha. You then met with the best counselor Tony Stark could find, and after a few weeks, you started to break out of your shell. Within three months, you had completely opened up, and you didn’t think it was possible to be this happy. You fit in perfectly with the Avengers and you considered them to be your family- and they definitely felt the same. You were all broken individuals trying to figure out how to be whole again, and you happened to form a family at the same time.

The last two years you spent with the Avengers had been the best years of your life. You learned how to drive, celebrated your seventeenth and eighteenth birthday, and had your first crush on a boy who swung from webs and loved Star Wars and stupid (funny) science puns. Tony discovered you loved his robots, especially DUM-E, and helped you built a miniature one. You learned that you loved running, and when Steve found out, he invited you to go on morning runs with him. Sam discovered you were a genius when it came to pranks, and the pair of you could often be found scheming. Peter introduced you to his friends, and you quickly joined the group. It took time, but you began to feel less like a living weapon, and more like a human. Life was going great. And then the battle with Thanos happened.

———

“Natasha? I feel funny.” Natasha fell to her knees in front of you, and moved your head to rest in her lap.

“You’re okay, Y/N. I’ve got you, you’re safe with me.” Natasha whispered. Your hand started to dust away and you whimpered.

“I-I’m scared, Nat. I don’t, I can’t leave you.” Tears stung your eyes as you desperately tried not to cry.

“Shhh, shhh.” Natasha couldn’t hide the shake in her voice. “I love you, kid.”

“I-I love you, Nat.” And you were gone, nothing but ash.

———

Five years had passed, and Natasha still thought of you every day. She had finally accepted you wouldn’t be able to come back, until Scott Lang showed up and discussed a plan he called a time heist. Natasha and Steve only knew one person who could make this work- Tony. After an unsuccessful meeting and mostly unsuccessful attempts at time travel with Scott, Tony was on board. Once the team had figured out time travel, then came the mission that changed everything- collecting the Infinity Stones. It was supposed to work.

“See you in a minute.” Natasha smirked as her and Clint traveled to Vormir to retrieve the soul stone. The team all collected their stones and returned. When Natasha didn’t return with Clint, they all dreaded how they were going to tell you. In the end, the Avengers had won and Thanos was defeated.

You stood up after speaking to Tony, who was still recovering from wielding all six Infinity Stones to snap away Thanos’s army. His arm was ruined and the side of his face was pretty burned, but he was alive, and that’s what mattered. Your eyes scanned the battlefield, looking for Natasha. Your eyes met Clint’s and you walked over to him.

“Clint? Where’s Nat?” An emotion you didn’t recognize flashed through his eyes.

“Y/N...” He trailed off. You looked at him expectantly. “She’s dead.” You burst into laughter.

“That’s funny, Clint. Really. Okay, Nat, you can come out now.” You called and when she never came, your heart ached. “She’s... she’s really gone.” Clint took a step towards you and you backed away. “She was supposed to be here! She didn’t get dusted, she was supposed to be here for me when I came back.” You broke into sobs, grieving the loss of Natasha, the woman you considered to be your mother.

———

You stood with Peter during Nat’s funeral, your hand holding his. All of you were suffering a great loss, and you were trying to hold it together for everyone around you. You gave his hand a gentle squeeze as the funeral ended and you let him go, excusing yourself. Your feet carried you to the pier and you sat on the edge, removing your shoes, and let your feet dangle in the water. You didn’t know how long you had been sitting there, but when you saw the sun begin to set, you knew it had been a few hours. You started to stand up, knowing you should go inside, as you heard footsteps behind you. You looked over as Tony sat beside you, closing your eyes as you faced the lake again.

“I know she’d want me to be happy. She sacrificed herself so that everyone could have their families back. So that the world could return to how it should be. But I’m not.” You took a shaky breath, and Tony rested a metal hand on your shoulder. Tony had lost all function of his right arm, and T’Challa brought him a prosthetic from Wakanda, created by Shuri. It was an adjustment, but Tony was grateful to have only lost his arm. He soon began to call himself the Iron Soldier, pulling a typical Tony Stark move and using humor to cope.

“It’s okay to not be happy. You can be mad, or sad, or any other emotion, Y/N.” Tony looked at the sunset as he spoke. You wiped at a stray tear on your cheek.

“I’m so grateful I have all of you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” You whispered. Tony’s arm wrapped around your shoulders, comfortingly rubbing your shoulder. “I hope she knows how much I love her. She took a chance on me when no one else did. She gave me a reason to live, and now I’ve lost her.”

“Trust me, kid. She knows.” You rested your head on Tony’s shoulder, watching as the sun set. You both looked back as you heard the sound of footsteps, Morgan walking over to you two.

“Daddy gives me juice pops when I’m sad, so I brought you a juice pop, Y/N.” You patted your lap for Morgan, your arm wrapping around her protectively as she sat in your lap.

“How can I be sad when I have a juice pop?” You offered a smile to Morgan, taking one of the three juice pops she was holding. If someone would’ve told you three years ago, you’d be sitting with Tony Stark and his daughter eating juice pops at their lake house, you’d think they were crazy. Now? You couldn’t be happier to have your family, as weird as it may be.

———

You walked into your bedroom in the compound a few days later. Clint had offered to come with you, as did the rest of the team, but you wanted to do it alone. The room hadn’t changed at all in the last five years. You could tell the room had been cleaned often, as there wasn’t any dust on your things.

You walked around the room, stopping when you saw an envelope on your dresser. You immediately recognized Natasha’s handwriting and carefully opened the envelope. You pulled out the piece of paper, unfolding it as you read the letter.

“Y/N...

I hope when you’re reading this letter, I’m right by your side. I’ve got a feeling I won’t be, which is why I wrote this for you. Seven years ago, I took a chance on you, much like Clint took a chance on me. The moment I saw you, I felt this pull inside of me. It told me to take care of you, to keep you safe, and to give you the life you never had a chance to live. During the two years we shared before I lost you, I began to consider you my daughter. I felt maternal when it came to you, a feeling that died inside of me many years ago.

These last five years without you have been the longest years of my life. I’m sorry for all the times I didn’t appreciate your stupid jokes, your weird sense of humor, and how optimistic you are. You really don’t know how much you love something until it’s gone, huh? But we’ve got a plan. I don’t like to be too hopeful, but I really think it’ll work out. I don’t know if that’s you rubbing off on me, or if that’s the desperation speaking. Losing you has been one of the worst things, Y/N. I hope whenever this battle is done, I can give you the biggest hug and catch up on all those missed years.

In case it doesn’t work out to plan, I need you to remember something for me. I’ve always been proud of you, and I know I’ll continue to be proud wherever I am now. You can accomplish whatever you put your mind to, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I know you’ll be sad, maybe mad, that this is the way things turned out. I hope one day I can see you again to make up for everything. I love you so much, Y/N Romanoff.

P.S. I know it’s not official, but you’ve always been like a daughter to me. Maybe we can make it official?

Love, Natasha Romanoff. Or Mom. Whatever you like.

Taglist: @daughter-of-stark @agent-barnes40 @spideygirl2003 @ditttiii ❤️ Taglist is open! Let me know if you’d like to join :) This was so much fun to write, I think I might write more mom Natasha soon :’)

[puddygeeks]

𝑊𝑎𝑟 𝑂𝑓 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑠 - 𝐶𝑟𝑖𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑀𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑠, 𝑆𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑟 𝑅𝑒𝑖𝑑 𝑥 𝑂𝐶 - 𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 2: 𝑅𝑜𝑐𝑘, 𝑀𝑒𝑒𝑡 𝐻𝑎𝑟𝑑 𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑒

Masterlist

Rating: Mature

Summary: 𝐴𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑒 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑚𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑑 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑖𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑝 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑖𝑛 𝑡𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑓𝑡 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝑜𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠. 𝑊𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑢𝑝𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐵𝐴𝑈 𝑓𝑎𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑦, 𝑚𝑎𝑦𝑏𝑒 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑏𝑒𝑔𝑖𝑛 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑡.

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Spencer Reid x OC

Status: Ongoing

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: 𝐺𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑎𝑑𝑢𝑙𝑡 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡, 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑔𝑔𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑤. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑏𝑒 𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑜𝑒𝑠 𝑚𝑒𝑎𝑛 𝑐𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑐𝑎𝑠𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑢𝑟𝑑𝑒𝑟, 𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑑 𝑎𝑏𝑑𝑢𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 & 𝑠𝑒𝑥𝑢𝑎𝑙 𝑎𝑏𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑎𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐵𝐴𝑈'𝑠 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘. 𝐼𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑚𝑦 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑙𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑠𝑒 𝑖𝑠𝑠𝑢𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑠 𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑓𝑢𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑎𝑠 𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑏𝑙𝑒, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑖𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑏𝑒 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑠𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑑, 𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑚𝑒 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤.

Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ: Pʀᴇ Sᴇᴀsᴏɴ 1

Chapter Two

As I followed Penelope toward the meeting room for our afternoon briefing, I could feel a lump in my throat caused by nerves. She had decided that we should arrive first to allow her a chance to introduce me to the members of her team and I reluctantly agreed. I didn’t exactly have the most successful history with work colleagues.

We stepped into the room to find a pretty blonde woman busying herself with setting out case files and generally preparing the space for use, and though I felt awkward interrupting her, Penelope charged in without hesitation.

“What’s for dinner, mom?” She teased brightly, prompting the young woman to glance up with a fond smile. “Alice and I thought we’d help with setting up. We’ll handle the tech for you.” Penelope explained, causing the woman's brows to shoot up in surprise and she glanced over at me curiously.

“You’re Agent Hawthorne, Interpol's technical analyst?” She asked casually and though I was caught off guard by her knowledge, I nodded back politely. “I was planning to greet you on arrival, but Garcia whisked you away before I got the chance. I’m Jennifer Jareau, communications liaison for the BAU.” She introduced herself confidently, stepping forward to shake my hand and I could sense the motherly warmth in her that Penelope had referenced before, allowing it to relax me enough to manage a response.

“Yikes. You’ve got the toughest job of all. The press.” I commented, causing an appreciative chuckle. “Alice is fine. I’m not really into formalities.” I added with a smile and she eagerly returned it as she finished laying out papers.

“Great. You can call me JJ. Garcia, if you two are happy to do the rest, I’ll get everyone’s drinks ready. God only knows when they last took a break.” She offered, waiting for Penelope’s approval before beginning to collect mugs from a nearby cupboard. “I made sure to get some breakfast tea stocked for you all. Alice, do you want a cup, or are you more of a coffee girl?”

“She’s all about the tea. At this point, I’m honestly pretty sure that her blood stream is more tea than anything else.” Penelope answered before I could even open my mouth and JJ wasted no time in rushing toward the kitchen. 

I rolled my eyes at my friend’s teasing, but she didn’t display an ounce of shame at my judgement and I found myself standing around awkwardly as I awaited instruction. I was usually a proactive person, but after months of disrespect in Interpol, I’d learned to stay out of the way and mostly attempted to not cause any problems.

“I’ll get the screens ready. Alice, if you could get your laptop set up with the case files and I’ll use mine to present our plan.” Garcia instructed as she began fiddling with the display on the wall and I obediently placed my laptop on the table, before crawling underneath to plug in a power adapter to allow me to use the European device. 

Fortunately, Penelope had already thought of everything for my workspace with her, but I still needed to provide for myself everywhere else.

“My mug is missing. I left it on my desk. Have you seen anyone in my office in the past ten minutes?”

I overheard someone questioning Garcia in a stressed voice and as I slowly slid out from under the table, I noticed that the person was almost blocking my exit, giving me a clear view of their bright white trainers and blue jeans which seemed entirely too informal for the setting. Their gaze fell on me immediately as I straightened up to find an older man with greying hair and thin framed glasses examining me with a deep confusion.

“Who’s this?” He enquired toward Garcia, whilst maintaining his intense scrutiny of me and I struggled under his investigation, feeling a flood of insecurity.

“This is Alice from Interpol, Sir. Alice, this is SSA Gideon. He’s our unit chief.” Penelope spluttered, seeming equally unnerved by his arrival and he gave me a rushed handshake, before seeming distracted again. “JJ just went to make some drinks for the round table. She might have your mug, Sir.” She answered, prompting him to dart from the room impatiently.

“Gideon’s intense and at times eccentric, but brilliant. You get used to him.” Penelope muttered under her breath with a wink and I released a sigh that I’d been holding due to nerves.

We settled at the table together as we made the final preparations for our portion of the meeting and JJ returned to place a mug of tea beside me with a warm smile. She took the seat on my other side, almost as if she was protecting me from my team and I knew that she had already been reading my behaviour to identify my discomfort. My anxiety rose at the sight of the rest of my team approaching the doors, led by a man that I didn’t recognise and I prayed that their lack of faith in my abilities would not pass onto the BAU team.

They filed into the meeting room, cramping it with their bodies, followed by Reid and Gideon, who was gripping a mug of coffee rather protectively. They were deeply engaged in a hushed conversation, until the unfamiliar man stepped forward to call us to attention. 

“Good afternoon, everyone. I’m Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner. This is our first joint agency case with Interpol in some time, so I would like to start by reminding everyone that we are now a joint task force. All required information will be shared freely and case details for both investigations will be openly available. We welcome the Interpol teams guidance as the primary investigators for this case.”

Agent Hotchner made Gideon’s expression seem thoroughly welcoming by comparison and despite his words sounding warm, his face remained set in a permanent state of disapproval. I wondered how Penelope managed to work under someone so deadly serious, despite her constant need to treat everything as a joke and decided to ask more about him later. As he paused, another agent rushed into the room, closing the door behind him and took a standing position behind Penelope.

“Morgan, did you find anything at the warehouse?” 

Agent Hotchner turned to the newcomer with a hopeful expression, only to receive a subtle shake of the head in return. I glanced over at the agent in question, sudden recognition at the name striking me and couldn’t deny that he was handsome. It wasn’t surprising that Penelope became so distracted around him, but fortunately my tastes were different enough to avoid sharing this issue. 

“Let's start with the basics. Shepard, I’ll let you open with your cases.” The BAU leader easily drew the attention of the meeting as he commenced conversation and Shepard got to his feet with a confidence that unsettled me.

“The group that we are looking for is a well established human trafficking ring that have been working in Europe for at least four years. They first came under our radar when their leader was murdered by his ambitious second in command, a man that we have identified as Robert Valeno.” 

Shepard brought up a photo of the man who had dominated my psyche for longer than I cared to admit. Valeno was a prominent figure in my nightmares, as he continued to be impossible to catch and I regularly obsessed over the awful things that he could be doing to people whilst we floundered around behind him.

“Valeno has expanded their operation substantially since he took control and has proven to be an expert in evading justice. Every time that we get close he vanishes, only to appear in another country. So far, we’ve managed to connect twenty missing women to him, but realistically, we estimate the number is more likely to be in the hundreds.”

Penelope set the screens to flick through the images of the victims that we had managed to identify and I felt my stomach lurch. I didn’t need to see the photos, each of their faces was burned into my mind as a waking nightmare that only worsened when I closed my eyes. Each and every one of them represented a failure to me, another girl who would never know freedom again. 

As Shepard stepped aside, JJ took his place to present the new details.

“Four months ago, local PDs in multiple states began noticing a dramatic increase in their missing persons, particularly women from the ages of fourteen to thirty-five.” JJ explained as she redirected the conversation to the American portion of the case and I was met with a new set of faces that I knew I would be unable to forget. Before she could continue, Gideon jumped in with his own opinions about our suspect.

“Valeno has mostly targeted women who were low risk. No family, no job, no connections and until now, anyone who did not meet that criteria was deemed to have been a mistake. Now, he is targeting any female who matches his desired age range. That tells us that he is growing more confident and likely catering to a wealthier clientele. He’s comfortable in his methods and clearly believes that he has successfully escaped the pursuit of law enforcement in Europe.” He revealed, having already begun speculating on the cause of this change in victimology and Morgan sat forward with interest, as if he had noticed something.

“How did he manage to even get to the States if he was on Interpol’s radar?” Morgan asked, glancing around the table in confusion and whilst the rest of my team seemed offended by the question, I noticed that Shepard was staring directly at me, as if the responsibility for this laid primarily at my feet.

“That’s where we need to start.” I stated, drawing the attention of the room and I strained to keep my nerves from showing in my demeanour as I continued.

“He wasn’t just on our radar. His picture was circulated everywhere, MI5, ESISC, border control, immigration and transport services. I blocked every known alias that he has, had software scanning CCTV for his face. We set up roadblocks, monitored drug busts and even placed digital traps. It should have been impossible for him to travel anywhere.” I explained, allowing a hint of my frustration to flow into my words and it was clear that everyone was considering the tactics used for any further ideas. Reid drew my attention as the first person that I noticed who did not seem to be blaming me for this failure, instead thinning his eyes reflectively.

“That level of evasion would indicate an exceptionally high intelligence and knowledge of law enforcement, border policies and even technical expertise. If he’s also present at the time of abduction and responsible for the transport of his acquisitions, it wouldn’t leave any time for the rest of his roles. Which means he has some high level employees with an in depth knowledge of the organisation. Have you discovered any of his accomplices?” Reid enquired, rapidly realising the flaw in my information and I smiled at how easily he had noticed the discrepancy that I had been pointing out for months, much to the teams irritation.

“The guy is a ghost. There’s no threads to follow.” I sighed, still feeling disappointed in the minimal information that I’d been able to dig up about Valeno. “What we do know is that he has at least employed technical help. The skills that I’ve encountered are far too advanced to belong to someone who has any priorities other than hacking. I can also confirm that it is not the same person that he was using in Europe.” I added, causing Shepard to furrow his brows at me. 

“How can you be sure of that?” He asked, already dismissing my opinion and I was flustered by this subtle dig against my knowledge.

“I’ve compared the logs from my laptop to the digital attacks that the BAU experienced when they tried to track him. They’re completely different.” I argued, only causing him to seem doubtful and I felt my gut twist in annoyance. 

It was one thing for him to disregard me within our own agency, but I didn’t appreciate his lack of interest in my input when we were surrounded by new people and felt my temper fuelling me to elaborate on this theory, even if I knew that my team would likely not understand the relevance.

“There are hundreds of ways to do things when it comes to cyber activity and every hacker has their own methods.” I began, attempting to simplify the experience that Penelope and I had gathered over the years into something that could assist in the profile. “Think of it like their signature. This new person operates in a more aggressive manner, whereas the original person that he was using was all defensive. He’s not waiting for us to find him. He’s seeking us out, almost challenging us. I analysed the commands that he uses and they’re much more commonly taught in the United States than any other part of the world.”

There were a few moments of silence as people processed the babble of technical talk that I had just spewed at them and Penelope smiled proudly from my side. Shepard seemed lost for words, despite his ongoing desire to undermine me and I noticed that several members of the BAU team were now watching me with interest, especially Morgan.

“So, he’s making new contacts. That gives us new opportunities to infiltrate his network.” He clarified, making it clear that he trusted my experience on this matter and I nodded at him confidently, noticing Penelope smiling at him with extra appreciation as she took over the technical talk.

“Because this new hacker is aggressive, we may be able to draw them out. Alice and I have planned a bait and switch situation. With your permission, Sir, and our combined expertise, we can have your hacker trapped and traced.” Penelope presented our plan with a faith in her leader that was unfamiliar to me and I awaited his answer with baited breath.

“Absolutely. Keep me updated.” He agreed as he permitted us without a moment of hesitation and I was shocked by how easy it had been to gain his permission. 

“Reid. Morgan. Go to the latest crime scene. We need to get an idea of how he operates. Gideon and I will take the rest of the Interpol team to the local PD.” Hotchner announced, immediately getting to his feet and setting the room into a buzz of activity. 

I was frantic as I gathered my things to follow Penelope and could still hardly believe that we hadn’t needed to fight to be able to put our plan into motion. I piled up my laptop and paperwork into my arms, and jogged to catch up to her, glad to be alone again in the hallway as the others split into their assigned teams.

“Nicely done, Ally. You hold up well under fire.” Penelope muttered, sneaking a smirk in my direction as she walked and I shook my head in denial, feeling as if I’d barely managed to avoid drowning back there. “You give yourself too little credit. This team gives a serious grilling and not everyone can hack it. You did. Even from your own unit chief. He’s a real peach, aye?”

“Oh, you have no idea.”

--⥈--

“Hey, double trouble. Anything fallen into your net?”

Morgan’s warm voice on the speakerphone filled Penelope’s remarkably quiet office, where I sat with my head in my hands. The feeling of waiting was suffocating and I was beginning to worry that even our combined experience wouldn’t be enough to catch this mystery attacker. Valeno seemed to be incredibly gifted at seeking out the best of every profession for his organisation.

“Just a huge pile of nothing. I don’t fail, Morgan. This is not a feeling that I’m used to and I don’t plan to get used to it!” Penelope pouted, seeming personally offended by the lack of response to our bait and I looked up to smile sympathetically at her. 

“Get used to it with this guy. He only hires the uncatchable.” I offered, revealing the bitterness that had begun to grow inside of me since I started on this case and Penelope huffed in a childish manner at this statement.

After a few more minutes of listening to Penelope talk to Morgan whilst I reviewed the logs of our previous contacts with our target, a bolt of inspiration struck me. I turned in my seat to face Penelope with wide eyes and she shushed Morgan as she honed in on my changed demeanour.

“Just before I spoke to you on the phone, I told Shepard that I thought we had an inside agent. It’s the only way that it made sense for Valeno to be avoiding everything.” I began, causing her to tense up in alarm, but she waited for me to finish. 

“What if they’re helping him to find staff? Every agency in the world has watch lists for people like you and I. If Valeno is working with someone inside Interpol, they would be able to recommend someone with the right skills and keep the hacker from coming up on our radar as a threat.” I thought aloud, setting Penelope into a typing spree as she pulled up countless agency lists for a search.

“They’d be right under our noses!” She exclaimed, setting up the parameters for a new scan of the lists immediately and I stared intensely at my logs to piece together details about the hackers style that we could use to identify them. “Okay, we know that they’re probably American. I’ll start with local names.” She explained for Morgan’s sake and it was clear that he was already fully invested in our guidance as he dove into adding information to our search.

“Valeno wouldn’t recruit somebody nearby. If he’s outsourcing, he likely hasn’t told them anything about what they’re doing. He’d want them distanced from the organisation. The less that they know, the less risk in using them. They won’t be near enough to see the missing girls on local news and he’s banking on them not watching anything further.” Morgan specified over the phone and I nodded along in agreement, as Penelope struggled to keep up with us.

“Then I’m looking at every other state? That’s a lot of names! We need to get more specific.” Penelope argued as her computer struggled to even load the mass of names that her search presented and I leapt into reeling off information that she could utilise.

“We know from their techniques that they are aggressive, impatient, likely seeking a challenge. The commands they use would indicate that they are self taught rather than formally educated, so rule out anyone with a relevant qualification. They don’t have a strong signature yet either, meaning that despite being talented, they are inexperienced so they wouldn’t have been on the watch list for long.” I rambled, moving to pace the room and Penelope keenly adjusted her criteria as I spoke. 

Over the speaker, I heard Reid seeming as if he were particularly surprised by the level of information that I was providing, before he provided a theory of his own.

“Aggressive and inexperienced? Statistically, it’s more common for these traits to appear in a young hacker. Someone who hasn’t matured enough to appreciate defensive methods.” Reid’s voice chimed from the phone and I stopped dead in my tracks.

“Very young. Their methods are disorganised, frantic. Penelope and I haven’t been able to predict them as they’re too chaotic. We thought it was a tactical choice, but from my experience in these kinds of circles, it’s highly likely to be a high schooler, probably a male with a superiority complex.” I theorised, feeling a crushing clarity and Penelope stopped her activity so that she could turn to face me with horror.

“Wait a second. You mean like the Rapture crew from our old forum?” She breathed, seeming disgusted that someone as young as the other hackers that we once worked alongside could be involved in something this dark. 

I practically fell into my seat as I flashed through screens in search of a specific log and an old memory of a particularly young male hacker in the Rapture group came to mind.

“Oh my god.” I muttered as I replayed the clip several times. “Penelope, look at this. This manoeuvre right here. I’ve only seen it used a few times. It’s an old method, definitely not taught officially by anyone. The only few people that I’ve ever seen use it have all had one thing in common-”

“They studied the Boston Phantom obsessively.” Penelope gasped, thinning her results down and having to fight through more red tape than I’d ever seen to unlock the records. 

“There definitely was a result here within the original content, but they were removed from the watch list six months ago and all our records of them were wiped clean.” She explained for our team members that were on the phone and I covered my mouth in shock. 

This small accusation confirmed the suspicion that I had held for some time now; someone in our team was feeding Valeno information. The call went silent for a moment as I imagined that Morgan and Reid were sharing the same realisation and Reid cleared his throat to question us, seeming somewhat less confident about technical matters.

“Is that a normal occurrence, Garcia? I thought once you were on a watch list, that was it. There was no way of returning to anonymity.” Reid queried, whilst Penelope busied herself with attempting to recover the files.

“That’s true. Unless you’re recruited as an agent.” She clarified, causing a chill to run down the length of my spine at this idea. “But nothing can be removed from my glorious all seeing skills. His name is James Miller. He’s fifteen years old and lives in Boston, Massachusetts.”

“Babygirl, you never fail to amaze me. You two are the dream team.” Morgan announced, causing Penelope to smirk in satisfaction. “Send over his details. Reid and I will pick him up now.” 

“Your wish is my command.” Penelope crooned, before the line abruptly cut off and she turned to fix me with an expression that sparkled with curiosity.

“Okay. What was that?” She asked, causing me to furrow my brows in confusion and I shrugged obliviously. “You just profiled! Alice, what are Interpol doing using you as an analyst? You should be in the field.” She exclaimed, examining me with a new sense of wonder and I shuffled awkwardly on the spot.

“And I’m sure that if I’d been recruited by any method other than arrest, I probably would be.” I commented, fiddling with my hands and she seemed to struggle to understand the correlation between these two things. “Shepard and the others barely tolerate me as it is. They feel like they’ve been dumped with a criminal, rather than an asset.”

“You’re kidding! All of the best hackers come from a risky background, don’t they know that?” She argued, thoroughly frustrated by this attitude and I chuckled under my breath. “You can’t teach what we know how to do in any classroom. They need to get over themselves and realise how lucky they are to have you!”

--⥈--

Penelope updated the BAU team and Shepard on our activities via video call, allowing me to avoid discussing my part in the situation in front of my already scowling unit chief. I was painfully aware of his disapproval for my opinion on anything that he deemed as outside of my role, but Penelope decided that it was important for me to be credited with the arrest of the hacker and ensured that she emphasised my work. 

I fidgeted in my seat, feeling bashful as she recounted the conversation and I was thankful for the webcam which dulled the power of Shepard’s glare. It seemed that the rest of the Interpol team weren’t present for the briefing and I was glad that I didn’t have to bear their scrutiny too.

“Good work. Both of you. Gideon is interviewing him shortly, so we’ll let you know what we can persuade him to reveal. In the meantime, we’ve seized all of his equipment and will be sending it over for you to analyse, Garcia. We need as much from it as possible.” Agent Hotchner announced, making me squirm from the praise and Penelope responded with yes sir immediately. 

“Alice, pack your things. Once the agent has delivered the equipment, they’ll be bringing you to the PD to assist us here.” He added resolutely and I felt my back straighten at his order. I opened my mouth to question it, but before I could get a single word out Shepard interrupted.

“Absolutely not.” He argued, turning on my newfound advocate with evident fury in his posture, but the BAU chief remained completely unmoved.

“Alice assisted in both profiling and identifying the young man who we just arrested. This is the first viable lead that we’ve discovered. Her insight would be most useful alongside my team.” Hotchner suggested, almost causing my mouth to drop open in shock at his appreciation of me and I could feel Penelope fighting not to smile beside me. “With all due respect, she has a familiarity with this case which is not being utilised by keeping her remote from the investigation; not to mention the behavioural skills that she demonstrated today which are disregarded in her current role.”

“With all due respect, Agent Hawthorne is an Interpol agent and I will dictate her activities. She is a technical analyst, not a field agent and does not have the relevant training to be based anywhere other than the office. Do I need to remind you that this is an Interpol investigation that your team is assisting on?” Shepard growled, stepping closer into his space and though I could tell that the BAU leader was angered by his disrespect, he retained his composure.

“Hawthorne. Assist with analysing the equipment.” He spat, looking toward the screen with an obvious disdain and I struggled to keep my voice even as my heart sunk.

“Yes, Sir.”

[angelkurenai]

We both do - Steve Rogers x Reader - Part 2

Avengers: Endgame SPOILERS BELOW read at your own risk

Title: We both do

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: Avengers: Endgame spoilers

Summary: Going into the fight against Thanos you give everything you have to save the ones you love, and protect the gift of life you have for Steve but did not dare tell him yet. Steve, who only has one dream: Spend the rest of his life with the love of his life, you. However, when things turn bitter half of life ends on the world and for Steve all life in his world.

Part 1

Steve could almost swear he had lost his breath. He could swear, he had never felt something like this and not to this extent. And he could swear it wasn't because of the smoke that filled his lungs, or because of him having gotten hit so hard that his lungs didn't work properly, or his fear of standing before Thanos and his entire army on his own. It was the fact that he wasn't alone that took his breath away.

Hearing Sam's voice and turning to see him fly through a portal before one after the other opened and all of his friends, all of his family, that he thought he had lost for good, appeared right before his eyes. And yet, if he thought about it, it wasn't those friends coming back that made him lose his breath; it was the hope that stirred in his chest, more strong and intense than ever before in his life. He had felt it when Bruce snapped his fingers, the spark of hope he had tried to suppress until they had all the stones turning into a fire burning stronger with each second. He had tried to hold back that fire too but now they were all slowly appearing before his eyes, alive and well.

What he had wished for the past five years was really happening. It had really worked and this was the undeniable proof.

His chest was heaving and his heart was hammering inside his ribcage. His eyes frantically looked around as he searched for you. You were all he could think about. Granted, you were all he ever thought about all of these years, but even more so now. Everyone had really come back, so should you. His eyes frantically jumped around the place, searching for the woman he loved with all his heart and had done this all for. But realizing this wasn't the moment for his heart to take over, he forced himself to stand straight and face the enemy as the rest of the team all got in a line. Much like every other time he tried to not let his hopes get up, tried to push any thoughts aside because the war was not over yet.

“Avengers!” he shouted loud enough, arm stretched as the mijolnir flew straight into his grasp and he said through gritted teeth “Assemble.”

But before anybody else could make a move to run towards the enemy, something caught their attention. In fact it caught everybody's attention. A big shine was seen, almost like a star, then a golden lines making beautiful curves that only your lasso was able to do as the Captain remembered. Said star, however, flew over Thanos' ship and in barely a second later, through his ship not-so-slowly inch my inch turning it into ash as it blew up into fire. An entire explosion is what followed as they all slowly watched the spaceship slowly decent from the skies into bits and pieces. Everyone's attention was takenaway from the ship, though, as the source – or more like the bright star – that was responsible for it flew and landed perfectly on their feet only a couple feet away from them but above all in the same line as the rest of the Avengers. The golden armor was what stood out at first, next coming the lasso on your belt, at least to most of the people around, but to the Captain it was the smile of the person wearing it.

“So you got it up huh?” you pointed out with a smirk and a glance at the hammer in his hand as Steve found himself totally out of breath for the second time in only a couple of minutes “Can't say I'm surprised, you've never had any issues with that before.” you shrugged, unable to hide your smile as you saw the man you loved again, but trying to be serious as you stood by his side and faced the enemy just like everybody else.

Everybody except for the Captain who could only feel himself tear up as you stood next to him, beautiful as ever, making his heart beat just as fast as the day he'd met you and as fast as the day he realized he was in love with you. He could barely hold himself back from taking hold of you right then and there, engulfing you in his arms and kissing you like there was no tomorrow. He was most certainly sure he was staring at you but you managed to bring him back to reality as you didn't miss the chance to add with a smirk “Nice suit by the way. Finally wearing one that does... you justice.”

He couldn't help but let a small laugh, knowing that there was another word you'd rather use – especially judging by Tony's small laugh – but you refered from it. “Could definitely say the same.”

“Ah it's a bit extra but...” your smile turned into a much fonder one “There's a baby on board, gotta be careful, don't we? It's not like you can make it without me.”

He nodded his head, finally turning his head to look at Thanos, but not missing the chance to add “No, we really can't.” and he really meant a lot more by that too. He meant himself. And he'd get the chance to tell it you in private... or at least he hoped he would.

“So let's do it right this time.”

~*~

“At least Morgan... managed to smile once.” you whispered, wrapping your arms around yourself while Steve loosened his tie and started to take it off, along with his suit's jacket “She got happy at the idea of having a little cousin. That's what she called it, baby cousin. Because we're her family.”

Steve smiled just a bit “She will find the opportunity to smile again in the future. It's just sad that Tony won't be here to see it.”

“You know-” you sniffled “I like to think that the time he got to spend with her is going to be filled with memories of those moments. In fact, he might get to relieve them because that should be his heaven. Sounds like a good place to me.”

“Yeah, yeah it does. And I agree-” he nodded his head, pushing away from the doorframe and walking towards you “He'll have those memories to keep him happy. He got time with her, he got to live his life and not waste it. He got to do something that I didn't, something-”

“Almost.” you cut him off gently but firmly, finally making eye contact as you got on your feet “Almost didn't get to. But you will now. We're back, we're both back Steve.”

“Ye-yeah but you almost weren't.” his jaw clenched as the tears filled his eyes “A-and that's the thing. It wasn't me who got to make the sacrifice, who lost so that everybody else could win, who did what was right to protect the woman he loves and his child. It was you who fell on that field because I failed to do the right thing, because I lost.”

“We lost.” you took a step closer to him “We did that together. But we lost only a battle. The war was won, Steve, and I'm here. We are both here, safe and sound, with you. You will get to watch your child be born, take its first steps and say its first words, build forts using your shield and fall asleep to you telling it stories from all those amazing times you saved people as Captain America. I mean, if you get to survive me going through pregnancy, making your life a living hell and threatening you during labor, that is.” you said and he chuckled “Don't expect me to go easy on your after the fourth month, Rogers, but... I hope it will be worth it once it's here. I know it will be. And whatever you- you may have feared and blamed yourself for for the past years shouldn't matter anymore because it's not going to be real. You'll get to have as much time as you want with it, Steve.”

“Gosh” the mere way looked at you with so much adoration and awe because of how much just a few words, the right words you only knew how to find, managed to take off his worries and lifted the weight off his shoulders. A weight that had been building up for years now and a soft smile on your lips managed to make it vanish within seconds. You've always had this effect on him and before getting in a relationship with you it wasn't really in his favor, but right now and after nearly never seeing you again, he couldn't be more thankful for it.

“I want to kiss you so bad right now.” he breathed out and an adorable smile that made your lips pull into a wide grin as well “Is that wrong? Given the moment?”

“As far as I'm concerned, no. No it isn't. It's been five years.” you whispered “And if you ask me, it's too damn long.”

You didn't need to say another word before the Captain closed the remaining space between the two of you, cradled your face in both his hands and didn't hesitate a split second before crashing his lips to yours. He poured all of his love into it, all the love he had been unable to show you the past five years because you weren't there for him to show you. Maybe it was somewhat desperate but he thought he wasn't going to see you again, he had almost become a wreck, and then the love of his life was back. And you weren't the only one. Your child was too. He was going to become a father and live his life with you and everything he had dreamed about. He wasn't even going to try and hold back. What he tried to hold back was the tears that threatened to fall because of the realization that you were finally in his arms.

He had had dreams like this so many times, far too many for him to even count, but each and every time when he got to hold you like this, love you and dare think about your baby and how much he wanted to see it grow up, he would wake up. And the most harsh part of reality hitting on him was waking up to face your empty side of the bed and instantly realize that you weren't there because you were dead and it was his fault. It was his fault he wouldn't get to hold, love, kiss and see the smile of the woman he loved. It was his fault that he wouldn't get to hear your baby call him “dad” or that it wouldn't get to do anything else for that matter. It was his fault, and for that he blamed himself to no end, that you wouldn't get to hold it. He wouldn't get to see you smile over your swollen belly, whisper small stories to it, hold your newborn baby or even wait for it with arms stretched while it took its first steps.

Those were meant to be only dreams, he had come to realize. Not accept, just realize, because he could never accept the fact that he could have taken that away from you. Not when he'd vowed to make you the happiest woman on Earth. He feared that he was only going to see you smile because of him only in photos and his dreams.

He feared this was going to be a dream too, one from which he'd wake up and then cry till the very morning because no matter how much he begged, prayed even, to anyone that would listen at that point, no matter how much he sobbed, no matter how many times he choked and lost his breath and no matter how much he screamed – most of the time sounding like a wounded animal than a desperate man calling out your name – you wouldn't come back. He feared it and his body felt it with every cell in it. Having experienced it for so many nights the emotions formed within his chest – or perhaps they had settled there long ago – that he felt the tears well up before he could even realize it.

But there was something significantly different about it this time. He reminded himself: You were going to be there when he opened his eyes which he had not even realized he closed. You were going to be there and you were there in his arms despite what his body feared.

“I wanted to kiss you for so long. Hold you. I mean I- I can't even believe you're here.” he said out of breath when he finally pulled away, very out of breath. His hands slid down your arms until they rested around your waist, bringing your body as close as it was physically possible. It was almost as if he was scared that if he loosened his hold on you, you were going to turn into ash and he'd lose you both again.

You smiled softly, bring a hand up on his cheek and stroked it “Nobody will take us away from you this time.”

“Gosh, I hope so bad you don't.” he nearly choked on his words again “I- I wish I could have done this sooner b-but was scared I would get too distracted during the fight that I- Well I failed anyway.” he shrugged a bit, eyes casting down for a second “You have always been so distracting to me. From the first moment. But down there, on the battlefield, I- I thought that if I made a mistake and let my heart take over again that there would be no saving you and I wouldn't bear it. I wouldn't-”

“No. No, no no. Steve, no please. Sshh.” you hushed him softly “Honey, we're here, alright? We both are. And we are because you did your damn best to bring us back. This was the only way we survived and it did come true because you played your part in it. Don't you see? You really kept us safe and you kept your promise. We made it, the war is over and we made it out alive. And I'm sure, is Tony and Nat are somehow watching over us, then they would be really we will get to have the life we've always dreamed together.”

“You think?” he whispered and you nodded your head.

“I'm sure. If Tony's not eating some cheeseburger now or complaining about how bad he needs one then-” you both laughed softly “He and Nat are watching us all and I'm sure they're happy that we get to have this together. I mean despite how sad some things are, Morgan was right. She will get a new little cousin, right? A-and that... is something we should all be happy about.”

“Yes we should.” he leaned in to kiss your forehead “And if they are really watching us then... I think they're really going to enjoy you giving me hell the next couple of months.”

His words earned a giggle before you shrugged as innocently as you could “Well, I am not going to try and say I might not make this hard for you. After all it is on you too, you gotta feel how I feel like if it gets too much, you know? That is unless-” you shrugged softly with a small teasing smile this time “You plan on leaving us and staying back in another timeline with, oh I don't know, maybe-”

“Don't.” he said a bit sternly yet lovingly “Don't even say it. You know there could never be a chance, the slightest chance that I would ever chose another woman before you.”

“I know. I really do.” you whispered, a smile breaking on your face “'S not like you literally carrying my photo in your compass everywhere you go enough already, anyway. And yeah, I happened to find it amongst your stuff by accident and-” you pecked his lips as he looked away bashfully “It's really sweet, don't go all shy on me now.”

“Besides, we've got baby names to think of, don't we?” he suggested and you nodded your head.

“About that-” you smiled “I think we may already have two options. And if, by some chance, it's twins – boy and girl – then we've got it all covered.”

“Hm” he hummed, already able to tell what you were thinking because he had the exact same thought “Tony and Natasha Rogers, not bad I agree, but I had something else in my mind too. Something that would sound equally good. Something which I- I've been thinking about for so long, even before you uh... yeah. I've known that you're the love of my life from the first moment we met. I never doubted that you'd always be the one for me and when I lost you I felt like I didn't lose just part of myself. I felt like I lost my entire self because I can't be without you. A-as I said, I wanted this for very long but I was so scared at first and then the fight kept getting bigger and bigger that I just didn't get the chance to. But I have it now a-and we have the chance to get the life we dreamed of.”

“Honey, what are you trying to say?” you raised an eyebrow.

“I know you're all about your independency but it got me thinking, the Tony and Natasha Rogers, that while we're at it... how about (Y/n) Rogers?” he whispered and you felt your breath get caught in your throat “And I don't mean have another kid. I- I mean you, you and me a-and our baby – or babies – be a family. Get to go home, together, if you want to.”

“I was going to say a lot more but after everything that happened I don't want to hesitate a second. So it's safe to say-” your lips were only inches away from his “We both do.”

[the-darklings]

you breath in when i exhale;

pairing: arthur morgan x female!reader

summary: A hushed breath, a rumble of thunder, and suddenly you wanted to give him your whole heart.

word count: 4.1k+ (chill? never heard of her)

warnings: undertones of angst but FLUFF...can you believe?

notes: joke’s on me because clearly more than 5 people cared about my first Arthur fic, and I’m already in too deep so lets indulge folks. also, this man deserves happiness~

tagging: the demons who got me into this mess in the first place: @ilikecheesecakeforbreakfast & @deviantramblings. and the beautiful @sunstrain who has that good taste.

. . .

There was nothing to fear.

Not really.

It was childish and silly to fear something like this, considering the company you kept. The people you surrounded yourself with, shared food and space with, weren’t exactly the nicest around. But perhaps there was something a little rotten in you too if you had managed to fall in with them as smoothly as you did.

It was stupid to fear something as simple as a thunderstorm though.

Especially considering you were in the storm season and rain came often and heavily, accompanied by gusts of strong wind that made your rickety tent appear even more pathetic with every blow. You couldn't help but think your makeshift home was about to be ripped out of the ground and flown off to the next state at any second. Lenny might have helped you to build it and secure it to the ground—and you certainly trusted him enough to know he did a well-done job of it—but the ridiculous fear still remained.

Lightning flashed outside, the boom of thunder crashing through the sky before you managed to get to the count of two.

Your eyes squeezed, your heart hammering loudly in your ears as you pressed your forehead harsher against your knees. The storm was close—too close—and you felt a shiver crawl up your spine as yet another gust of wind slammed against the side of your tent, making the material blow inwards.

You raised your head, your breaths shallow and strained while you looked towards the outside. The flaps of your tent refused to shut properly and you watched dully as rain pelted down, soaking everything in its path. The camp was quiet, everyone huddled in their tents and wagons, seeking shelter from the freezing rain. Only Javier and Arthur were away from the camp as far as you knew, busy running their own errands.

Selfishly, you wished Arthur was here. Something about his presence always made you feel braver, sharper, like you could step outside of yourself and accomplish anything you put your mind to. Even when storms hit, if he was in the camp, you at least managed to last through the worst of it without feeling like your guts were going to crawl up your throat.

But you also refused to rely on him, especially for something as foolish as this. He was a hardened outlaw. You had half a thought that even if you told him he would laugh at you. From all the things to fear in this world, thunder seemed like the last thing one would put on the list.

Another flash lit up the sky and the crack of thunder was so deafening, you had to muffle a strangled whimper in the space between your knees. Your hands trembled when you pressed them over your ears, trying to smother the sound of the raging storm outside. The dull roar of it was still audible, but with your eyes closed, you could almost pretend you were somewhere else. Somewhere safe.

But then—

A blur of sounds that got drowned by the echo of wind and rain. Despite your desire to stay in your makeshift darkness, your hands lowered, allowing the full blast of the storm to flood your ears again.

“—ya in ‘ere?”

“Arthur?” was your faint, confused whisper.

Your misty eyes slowly moved to the entrance of the tent where you could just make out a tall shape standing. The only thing you could recognise was the tip of Arthur’s boots; the same ones he always liked wearing best. You could still recall going with him and Charles when they went shopping and originally bought the pair. There were only a few occasions you could recall laughing as much as you did that afternoon. It held a special place in your heart ever since.

“I’m—I’m in here!” you quickly called when you saw Arthur turn away.

Practically flying out of your cot, you hurriedly wiped at your damp eyes, pulling the tent flap back to reveal a soaking Arthur.

Droplets of water fell from his hat, and even his heavy coat looked in a particularly sorry state. The rain had only intensified since the storm started, now falling so intensely, it was hard to see the rest of the camp.  

“Sorry, I ain’t botherin’ ya, right?” Arthur questioned, taking a few steps closer when you stepped back, quickly ushering him inside. “I normally won’t impose on you like ‘his but your tent was the nearest to ‘his side of the camp. I’ll be out of ya way as soon as this damn rain lets up.”

“It alright, Mr Morgan,” you muttered, flinching as another rumble of thunder echoed through the camp and surrounding forest. “You never impose. You’re always welcome. Please, sit.”

With a grateful nod, Arthur sat down on a spare chair you kept in your tent, water trailing after him. You hurried towards your clothing chest, rummaging till you found a dry fabric he could use to dry himself off. He took it with another grateful dip of his chin, pulling off his heavy coat and draping it over your chair. Underneath his coat, he appeared to be mercifully dry at least.

“Well the weather is shit,” Arthur spoke bluntly, rubbing his neck with the cloth. Despite your nerves and the queasy roll of your stomach, you couldn't help the startled laugh that slipped past your lips as you sat down in front of him. You laced your fingers nervously in your lap, your knee jerking up with every louder noise outside. “Can’t do nothin’ when it’s like this.”

“Didn’t finish?” you asked softly, noting his irritated glance outside, “I’m sure it’s fine.”

Arthur nodded absentmindedly, “Yeah, guess Mr Downes will have to wait his turn, won’t he? Poor bastard,” he joked with a slight quirk of his lips that made your breath hitch for a brief second.

Arthur Morgan was easily the most confusing man you had ever met.

And the most wonderful.  

And the most dangerous.

He was a collection of contradictions you could not unravel no matter how hard you tried.

There was the merciless—the downright ruthless—side of him. The side that found a home in chaos, and moved through rivers of blood like it was holy ground. That managed to be subtly terrifying, and even more brutally efficient with his fists and revolver. A face you knew people had nightmares over, who had blood on his hands because survival required it.

But there was also a side of him you only ever saw around his friends—family, Dutch would say you were a family—that stole your breath away. The low, patient tone he always used with little Jack. The way he always cared and helped those who asked his help, no matter how much he might grumble about it first. How fiercely loyal he was to Dutch, and how unflinchingly he was always prepared to do whatever it took to protect everyone in the camp.

You saw how much he cared about his horse, how he scribbled away for hours on end in his journal. You had even caught glimpses of his drawings before. Subtle and simple, yet so beautifully elegant in portraying the raw beauty of whatever he was trying to capture.

You couldn't understand him.

And you didn’t realise till too late just how dangerous your fascination with him was.

You didn't, in fact, realise your feelings of respect and friendship had morphed into affection till you heard Mary-Beth talking about him in hushed whispers to Gilly.

Jealousy bloomed in the pit of your stomach then, and you had been horrified to realise that somewhere along the way the enigma that was Arthur Morgan, had become...important.

No matter how hard you tried to hold yourself back, your eyes always sought out his regnant frame and intent blue eyes first. You didn’t want to be Mary-Beth though. Didn’t want to love him because tying your heart to a dream could never end well. Not to mention the fact that no matter how much you had seen others try in the past, Arthur never allowed anyone close.    

He had never taken a lover in the time you had known him. Or at least none that he shared with others. Though you had heard on several occasions how much others—namely Micah and Sean—mocked him for it.

Arthur was handsome, incredibly so, so it wasn’t for the lack of willing participants, you knew. He simply didn’t allow anyone near that heart of his. And he did have one—you knew he did.

No one could care so much and be heartless.

Maybe one day someone was going to find a way to see into him, to get past his walls and love him for him; contradictions and all.

But—

A loud boom erupted from outside and you jerked up, your eyes flying towards the entrance of the tent, your heart in your throat as your fingers clenched into tight fists.

“You alright there?” Arthur’s curious question almost made you jump again, and your eyes skipped towards his slouched figure. Confusion and something else—something you couldn't put your finger on—lingered in his expression as he regarded you earnestly. “No offence, but ya look ready to keel over.”

“I’m fine,” you hastily shot back, your words unconvincing and tone weak. “It’s—it’s all fine, Mr Morgan.”

Arthur regarded you critically for a second before he leaned back, still staring at you. For a long, tense moment he was silent before something like understanding flickered over his features and you noticed the slow, tight curling of his fingers before they relaxed.

“Is Micah botherin’ you again?” he asked seriously. His words were soft but there was something chilling about the stilted calmness of his tone. “He do somethin’? Miss (Name), I told ya before, if he ever—”

“He didn’t do nothin’, promise,” you quickly interrupted, breaking his fierce stare. “It’s just...hey, I thought I asked you to call me (Name)?”

Arthur’s jaw clenched briefly before he nodded his head, finally looking away, “Ya sure did. But I also recall askin’ you to call me Arthur, no? Now stop changin’ the subject.”

A part of you urged to tell him while another whispered that it was silly and not worth his time. Sure, you were friends but most days he felt just as unreachable to you as you saw him be to others.

“I didn’t sleep last night, that’s all,” you told him with a strained smile. “So I’m a bit tense today.”

Arthur’s eyes were hard and searching while he regarded you grimly, almost like he was trying to judge the honesty of your words. “That so? Why was you not sleepin’ then?”

Because another storm hit a few hours after midnight and prevented you from sleeping. Instead, you had curled in your quilt and shivered the rest of your night away. You wanted to say it but the moment you tried to voice your feelings, they died on your tongue.

The chair creaked slightly and you lifted your head only to see Arthur standing to his full height. Wind and rain still raged outside, only adding to the already tense atmosphere. You knew your tent was small but Arthur always seemed larger than life, effortlessly filling the empty crevices with his presence.

He took a step towards you, and you didn’t realise the distance between you was so small until he dropped the fabric you gave him on your cot and crouched before you. The previous quiet amusement was gone from his face, leaving something more serious in its place. It was hard to meet his gaze when he was looking at you like this, when he was so close you could almost feel his body heat. His skin was still damp, one side of his face illuminated by the dim lamplight as he stared up at you.

“Whatever it is (Name), ya can—”

Arthur’s next words were interrupted by the most vicious crack of thunder yet, the brief flash of lightning blinding you for a second. A gasp of fear escaped you, your shoulders dipping and heart galloping madly in your chest. It beat so fast you were worried it was going to burst right out of you. But the dryness of your throat made it impossible to do anything other than to let out a weak croak of terror.

“Woah, hey,” Arthur’s deep voice sliced through the sickening fear, and you felt his larger hands settle over yours, stilling your shaking fingers. “You’re fine. It’s just a bit of silly—oh.”

Under different circumstances, you would have laughed over the expression of awkward understanding dawning on his face. Arthur exhaled slowly before glancing away, and you felt mortification fill you. Of course, someone like him would find this sort of thing completely idiotic.

“It’s f-fine,” you forced out with a wobbly grin, “I know it’s stupid. You can laugh it up now.”

Arthur grunted under his breath, the noise soft and contemplative before he looked up at you again, the intensity of those blue eyes making the forced smile on your lips die.

“Fear is fear,” he pointed out simply, voice almost cautious and you wondered where his hesitation was coming from. “It don’t matter what ya fear, it’s still awful. Everyone is afraid of somethin’.”

You couldn't help the disbelieving scoff that escaped you, “You don’t fear anythin’.”

His lips quirked slightly to one side, accenting the smooth curve of his mouth, “Sure I do,” he disagreed easily, his hands on yours tightening briefly when another crash of thunder echoed. “I fear lots of things. Ya just learn how to control that fear, use it as fuel, let it forge somethin’ better.”

“Yeah? What if there’s nothin’ better there?” you whispered, your eyes almost fluttering shut when you felt the warmth of his fingers starting to seep into your own. “I ain’t brave like you.”

He shook his head a little, the slight curve of his lips remaining, “Well that, I oughta disagree with. You’re plenty brave. Hell, I’ve seen it. Bravery ain’t as simple as shootin’ a gun (Name). Ya fear storms...so? Big deal.”

“It’s silly,” you pointed out feebly, cringing at another distant rumble. “I feel like an idiot if I tell anyone.”

“If it matters to ya, it ain’t silly,” he said, this time with a certain firmness in his voice that made you look down towards your lap. You knew he meant what he said but instead of relief, you felt a different kind of longing. Not for bravery but for him instead. “You remember that, hm?”

“Yeah,” you whispered softly and closed your eyes when Arthur removed his hands from yours.

Your digits trembled and you missed his soothing warmth instantly, trying not to look at him while you contemplated the possibility that this might have been a huge mistake. It would have been better to suffer in silence the way you always did, and not create another situation in which Arthur proved that his heart was bigger than he would ever care to admit. It just made it that much harder not to love him.

Arthur himself was quiet for a minute, and you silently wondered why he was still here. Why he hadn’t moved away or left. The rain was coming down deafeningly loud, washing out any other noise except the thud of your heart.

“Tell ya what,” Arthur began, and you glanced up at his voice, “It’s gettin’ pretty late so you get some rest and I’ll watch over ya, make sure nothin’ happens, yeah? Because frankly, ya look terrible.”

Your lips parting in shock, you immediately whacked his arm in outrage, “Arthur! You don’t just say somethin’ like that to someone!”

The man in front of you laughed, the deep rumble of his baritone washing over you and making you grin despite yourself. He had a nice laugh and you wished desperately he had more occasions to smile and laugh over. It suited him, made him look even more handsome than he already was, and it was hard not to wish that crooked grin never left his face.

“Ah, ‘here we go,” he murmured faintly, eyebrows rising while he leaned one arm on his knee, “That’s much better.”

Your smile faltered slightly as you stared at him, but the barely-there curl of your lips remained. Warmth bubbled in your chest, spreading all across your limbs and you wondered, then, if the day would ever come when you didn’t adore him. If maybe one day you'll be able to look at him and not feel like a complete fool.

A hushed breath, a rumble of thunder, and suddenly you wanted to give him your whole heart.

But you didn't want to lose him. Didn’t want to burden him with feelings you knew he was never going to return. And if by some miracle he did return them, you sincerely doubted you were a risk he would be willing to take.

He believed himself to be too far gone, too broken and ruined by life.

He believed himself so ugly that he didn’t see how much beauty remained.

His hands were far from clean, but they were his hands. And perhaps there really was a rotten thing inside you too if you didn’t mind them holding yours.

“C’mon then, ‘et some rest,” he said after a lull of quiet between you as he stood up and motioned towards the cot. “It sounds like the storm is headin’ east. Should pass within an hour at ‘his rate.”

Arthur walked towards the chair and sat down stiffly, grabbing his hat and giving it a stern shake. Droplets of water hit the ground and you continued peering at him dumbly.

“You’re not leavin’?” you asked weakly, a part of you still in disbelief he didn’t throw your childish fear back in your face. “You—you don’t have to stay. I’m sure you ‘ave better things you oughta be doin’.”

Arthur adjusted himself on the chair, plopping the hat back on his head while his hand settled on his belt. He glanced at you from under the brim, lips quirking upwards. “It can wait,” he answered shortly, “Now sleep.”

He stretched his legs out in front of him, dipping his head downwards and you gaped at him mutely. From the relaxed sag of his shoulders, you couldn't help but conclude that he was certainly planning on staying and watching over you till the storm passed.

The thought made something in your heart bleed with happiness and you looked away, biting your lip to control the happy smile that was threatening to split across your face.

Pulling back your scratchy quilt, you laid down—clothes and all because the damp made it too chilly to change into undergarments most nights—and dragged the scratchy material around your shoulders. The storm was still going strong outside, though just like Arthur had said earlier, it appeared to be heading away from the camp now.

Your eyes flickered towards the man himself who looked to be asleep, although you had no real way of knowing without checking. Your chair was small though—small and uncomfortable, and you were surprised he managed to find any comfort on it at all. The powerful set of his shoulders filled the space, making everything else appear even smaller. And while it wasn’t the first time Arthur had been inside your little home, it was certainly the first time he stayed while you rested.

A gust of violent wind battered the side of the tent, making you grit your teeth and shiver under your thin quilt. You curled tighter, burying your nose in the fuzzy material while your eyes remained focused on Arthur’s still figure.

There was something intimate about seeing him in your space like this; unguarded and exposed, yet so perfectly at ease. You knew he was a light sleeper despite what he had others believing. One had to be in a world you lived in.

“I can hear ya shiverin’ from over ‘ere,” Arthur spoke suddenly and you jumped, immediately dropping your eyes to the floor. You felt the weight of his gaze on you but kept your own on the ground. “Why do ya only have one quilt?”

“B-Because...Jack gets real cold durin’ the nights so I gave him my spare one,” you confessed, briefly letting your eyes meet his. Something like disbelief reflected back at you before Arthur cleared his throat, briefly scrubbing at the stubble on his face. “I know it ain’t the wisest thing to do.”

“Yer damn right it ain’t,” Arthur groused, standing up and approaching your cot. His jaw clicked and he sighed again, expression oddly troubled. “You do realise that kid has parents, right? Scoot.”

You stared at him blankly. “What?”

“If ya get sick ‘cause you gave your quilt away, you’re never gonna hear the end of it,” he pointed out, motioning with his hand for you to move. “Now I much rather that don’t happen. Ya have my word I’m not tryin’ to do anythin’—”

“I know,” you interrupted him gently, scooting back as far as you could to make him space. “Your honour is the last thing I would question around ‘ere, trust me.”

Arthur sat down with a grunt, and the cot creaked for a second, both of you holding your breaths to see if you were about to end up on the ground. He shifted carefully around before lying down on his side, facing you.

It was hard to keep your expression neutral when his face was so close to yours. Your cot had always been small but with Arthur’s broad frame occupying the space as well, it was even smaller. Unnervingly so. Small to the point it was hard not to feel your breaths mingling, hard not to stare at his bare collarbone which was visible due to his slightly unbuttoned shirt.

It was even harder to ignore the heat of his body and the earthy, heady scent of him.

“Ya alright? If you’re uncomfortable—”

“I’m fine.”

Arthur stared down at you gravely while you tried to steady your breathing, “I don’t wanna ya to think that I’m using your vulnerability for some ulterior motive.”

“You won’t,” you told him softly, focusing on a button of his shirt even though you could feel his eyes fixed on you. “I know ya think you’re this awful man doomed for damnation but you ain’t. God knows you ain’t innocent but that don’t mean you’re evil either. I’ve met evil men before Arthur Morgan and you ain’t one of ‘em. I see it every day, ya know, the good in you? Hosea always says that actions say more than words anyway,” you finished, taking a tentative peek at his expression.

Arthur’s features hardened, and you could feel the strain in his body, in the way the silence that followed your words felt more potent than your fear.

“(Name)—”

A bright flash, and another clap of thunder hit, causing you to practically jump out of your skin. Your wide eyes flew around the tent, checking if you hadn't been hit no matter how foolish it was. If the lightning had hit, you doubted you would be alive right now.

A warm weight settled on your shoulder firmly, tugging you closer and you willingly sagged against the encompassing warmth.

“Hey, shh. You’re safe.”

He was warm.

You hadn’t realised just how cold you were under the quilt, till the simmering warmth of his body soaked through it, warming you from inside.

“Arthur—”

“Get ‘ome sleep (Name),” his voice was a quiet rumble, and you felt his hot breath brush against the top of your head, causing a tingle to race down your spine. “I’ll—just rest.”

Your mind was too fuzzy from fatigue and you were so warm, soaking in the comfort you hadn’t expected to receive. Arthur’s hand settled between your shoulder blades and you smiled sleepily into his chest. Always the gentleman.

“Arthur?”

He hesitated in answering, and you almost lost yourself to sleep before you heard a faint, “Yeah?”

This was the safest you had ever felt. The most respected and cared for too.

“Thank you.”

He didn’t answer but you didn’t expect him to. Arthur rarely responded to genuine gratitude the way others did. Nevertheless, you still wanted him to know how much his patience and comfort meant to you. You hadn’t expected it—not at all—so you were going to make sure he knew it.

Lost somewhere between awareness and sleep, you could have sworn you heard a soft whisper of his voice one last time.

“You’re a goddamn fool, Arthur Morgan. A goddamn fool.”

. . .

an: so i’m not totally happy with this but I still hope you guys liked it :’))

[mdawritings]

Wanna Be Yours: Ch. 15

II.IV

Masterlist

Warnings: Mention of suicidal thoughts

Song(s): “The Last Time” by Taylor Swift and Gary Lightbody and “1 step forward, 3 steps back” by Olivia Rodrigo

Monday. Five days since the second note.

Two notes. Same handwriting. You compared the first photo to the second. Both in public spaces. Whoever took them wouldn’t have stood out. The photos are a bit blurry. Not professional or digital camera quality. It’s easy to take a quick photo on a phone and print it. A phone can be easily concealed and wouldn’t stand out. Easy to blend into a crowd with an iPhone. There was no way Garcia, Morgan, or Hotch would’ve noticed someone taking a picture of them like this.

Garcia and Morgan in the photo are smiling widely. They wouldn’t think to be on high alert. They’re enjoying their life. You’ve just met them and you’ve already put them in danger. You let out a long breath and turn to pin the photo back up onto the wall. 

You want to get help. At first, you thought that you might be able to send the notes to a lab and get them analyzed, but you have a sick feeling about the man doing this. You know him. You’re sure of it. There’ll be no evidence. He’s too good. Even if you thought there was a shred of DNA evidence on the notes, going for any help would immediately pose a risk to Garcia, Morgan, and Hotch. 

Hotch. He’s occupying a lot of space in your mind these past few days. He opened up all of himself to you, and you cannot deny it’s changed your image of the stern unit chief. He’s closed off, but for good reason. He’s stern and regimented with the team, but only because he sees protocol as a necessity to keep the people he cares about from harm.

You can’t ignore the hurt he caused you so long ago, but the pain you feel when you look at him has faded significantly. Instead you see much more of him. You see how lost he is without Haley. You see how his compassion is shrouded by an authoritarian exterior. You see a single dad simply trying his best. 

The job is everything to him. He’s deeply passionate about what he does and his work at the BAU. He’s proud of the team, though he hardly expresses it. You can tell he worries about everyone constantly. If Reid’s under-eye bags are more pronounced than usual, Hotch notices. He’ll tell Reid to be sure to sleep on the plane. He’ll let the team stop working for the night to get some rest. 

When JJ goes silent, he knows that means she’s overwhelmed. Seeing victim after victim, many of whom are around her age, her height, even sometimes looking exactly like her, it takes a toll. So when JJ gets silent, Hotch makes sure to stick close to her side. He’ll direct her to go wherever he goes. Usually, she comes back a little more talkative, ready to work again, and you know that means Hotch pulled her aside to talk to her. He probably tells her that he understands it’s overwhelming. He probably tells her that it’s okay to need a second to take a step away from the work. It’s okay to break down every once in a while, although he would never allow himself the same luxury.

Aaron Hotchner is deeply attuned to the feelings of his team. He knows what everyone needs. Morgan is passionate and unabashedly himself. He’s not afraid to talk back to Hotch. He’s not afraid to question Hotch. Hotch knows he doesn’t have to explain himself to Morgan, but Morgan needs an outlet. Hotch doesn’t mind being the enemy if that means that Morgan can ease his anxieties.

Emily never lets her feelings out. She doesn’t crack. She’s strictly professional. She is eerily good at compartmentalizing. However, Hotch isn’t fooled by her act. He knows that compartmentalization takes its toll. He’s acutely aware of the repercussions of becoming too detached. 

Rossi acts like he’s full of wisdom for everyone, yet Hotch knows that sometimes the old man deeply fears being a useless part of the team. He’s afraid of being left behind and of being left in the past. Retirement is dangled in front of him constantly by the brass, but without the BAU, who is he?

Then there’s his complex relationship with Garcia. On the surface, the two seem to be the least compatible members of the BAU. Seeing the two of them next to each other is almost comical. Garcia exudes positivity, sunshine, happiness. Hotch looks like he’s never been relaxed ever in his life, but he clearly has the deepest respect for Penelope Garcia. She sees the best in people. She likes to see the good in the world. He wishes he could be as positive as her, and the last thing he wants is for the job to ruin her the way it seems to have ruined him. So he lets her be herself. He doesn’t crackdown on the knickknacks in her office or her unprofessional dress or her tendency to get a little emotionally involved. He wants her to stay true to herself. 

You realize you’ve been standing staring at the makeshift case board on your wall, thinking about your entire team for too long. You don’t know what to do. You can’t go to anyone without risking their lives and that’s something you’re not going to let happen. 

It’s clear this whole thing is more about you than them to begin with. This guy has a history with you. He’s already deduced that this team means more to you than you even fully understand. 

They mean everything to you. You’ve spent no time with them outside of work, yet they have already welcomed you into their little family with open arms. Garcia was the hardest to win over, as she, aside from Rossi, seemed to be the only one to sense the tension between you and Hotch. She’s deeply protective of the family she’s built at the BAU and Hotch’s indifference towards you was a red flag for her. 

Hotch, an icon of professionalism, was, and still is, slow to trust you with the full responsibilities of being in the BAU. To her, that meant there was good reason to be wary of you, but after a few free coffees and cute new knick-knacks for her office, she fell in love with you. 

Your eyes burn as you stare at the picture of Garcia’s heartwarming smile with Morgan’s arm wrapped around her tightly. He’s pressing a small kiss to her temple. She’s leaning into him fully. He’s her protector. You’ve violated that.

You glance across your tiny apartment at the flashing time on your oven. You’ve been up all night. You tried to sleep on the couch earlier but ended up tossing and turning endlessly.

The strong scent of coffee fills the apartment as you brew yourself your first large cup. You change into a pair of slacks, a t-shirt, and a blazer for work. You pass your dining table while walking back into the kitchen and shove a few of your notes on your stalker into your work bag. You want to keep it from falling into the hands of your team, but every free minute you have needs to be devoted to stopping this guy. 

Your coffee is gone before you even step onto the train. You’re going to need the caffeine boost to make it through the day. Your go-bag sits under your seat but you keep your messenger bag close to you. He could be anywhere, at any time. You don’t want him to know you’ve been investigating him. At the same time, you’re sure he already knows. He knows you, arguably better than you know yourself, and he seems to know your every move. 

You pull out the photos again in the cab. This time focusing your attention on the photo of Hotch. The edges on the photo are already rolling from you handling it so much. There's a few small pinprick holes as you’ve repeatedly hung the photo up on your wall and then taken it down.

There’s nothing special about the photo. You have it practically burned into your memory at this point but you still continually look it over. Hotch’s briefcase and bag are tucked up under one arm. He doesn’t have sunglasses on, so he is squinting to block out the sun. He has his phone pressed up to his ear. Hotch is a picturesque man. Never a hair out of place, his tie is never crooked, his clothes are wrinkle-free. This photo is no exception.

The car pulls to a stop and you hop out, paying the cab fare, and shoving the photos back into your bag. You dig around for your ID and scan your way into the building, flashing your photo to the front desk. 

You reach the BAU floor and all the lights are dimmed. You hear the hum of a vacuum down the hallway, meaning the overnight cleaning crew still hasn’t left. You walk around, flipping on the lights, putting on a fresh pot of coffee, and turning on the copy machines and the television. 

A stack of case files from last week still sit atop Prentiss’s desk. You reach over, take a few off the top and drop them onto Reid’s. He will one hundred percent know that those weren’t on his desk when you guys left for the case in Ohio last week, but you know that he’ll complain for two seconds before finishing them in a matter of minutes. 

You take two more off the top and put them on your own workspace. You already have a long list of work to get done but you will take any reason to stay late at the office. Going home is the last thing you want to do. 

Your apartment isn’t a home. It’s just the place you store your belongings and you sleep at night, yet you don’t have many belongings and you hardly ever sleep. A home is your solace from the outside world. A home is where you feel comfortable. Home is where you can be authentically yourself. Where you can break down and cry, where you laugh, where you feel loved. Home is where people love you.

At your apartment, you’re intensely attuned to your loneliness. Being alone with your thoughts terrifies you. Some days, it doesn’t feel like you’re alive. The feeling of being alive is what you’ve missed more than anything this past year. 

When you laugh so hard with your friends and family that your ribs sting and you feel like you can’t breathe. When someone’s smile is so infectious you can’t help but smile right back at them. When you see the person you love and it all just feels right. You look at them and your stomach turns over, your heart races, and your cheeks ache from grinning at them. They make you laugh, they make you feel loved, and they make your eyes roll back in your head. You can’t keep your hands off of them. You want to latch on and never let them go. When you step out of the house in the early morning and you smell the fresh air. The wind has that unmistakable bite to it in the early months of winter. That’s what it feels like to be alive.

You hear a soft clunk of ceramic to your right. A mug of piping hot coffee sits atop the stack of paperwork on your desk. Just as you look up you watch Hotch give you no second glance. He just continues up the stairs to his office. 

You fight a smile. You think the two of you are starting to see each other. You’re starting to see him for what he truly is now. You have no idea what he’s been through for the past few years but he gave you the smallest amount of insight, and it was enough to break the icy cage around your heart.

The team files into the office at their own respective paces, Reid and Prentiss extremely punctual as always. As soon as Prentiss’s eyes fall onto her desk, you can tell she doesn’t notice the reduction in paperwork. As you predicted, Reid’s increase in work does not go unnoticed. 

“Emily!” He whines in a childish tone, “You can’t keep giving me your work when you don’t want to do it.”

You stifle a laugh, keeping your eyes glued down on the paperwork in front of you. “Reid, I swear on my life I didn’t put them on your desk.”

“I did not have any paperwork left on my desk before this weekend. You had…” Reid pauses, waving his fingers in the air slightly as he does, “About seven case files on your desk, three briefings, and those rookie assessments you volunteered to finish.”

Prentiss shoots you a look and you shrug, “Do you expect anything less from him?” You throw your thumb in Reid’s general direction.

“I’m telling you, I didn’t take anything off my desk.” Prentiss shrugs off her jacket and lays it over her desk chair.

“Emily, I have an eidetic memory, you’re really going to argue with me?” Reid gives Emily a cute little tight-lipped, sassy smirk.

As Reid is talking you give Prentiss a small wink, “Reid just do the paperwork. You know you can finish it faster than any of us.” 

“Just because you always stay here late doesn’t mean we have to,” Reid bemoans the inconvenience a little while longer before finally resigning himself to just completing the work for Prentiss.

Rossi then gets to work, taking a second to shoot you a comforting wink and smile. He tucks his sunglasses into his shirt, soon disappearing into his office.

JJ comes into the office in a rush, complaining about how she must’ve lost power in her house overnight because none of the alarms went off, making Henry late for school, and her and Will almost late for work. 

Morgan and Garcia are the last into the office. You hear Morgan’s vibrant laughs from all the way out in the hallway. You glance over your shoulder as they step into the bullpen. Morgan’s arm is thrown casually around Garcia’s shoulders, just like in the picture. Your heart sinks. The pictures. For a moment you had forgotten about them. You feel guilty for forgetting about the way you’ve endangered them.

You watch them, their conversation just out of earshot. Morgan gently taps Garcia’s nose with his finger. She blushes slightly, though it’s hard to tell as her cheeks are already painted a rosy shade of coral. You see her mouth something along the lines of ‘my hero’ as she gives his bicep a small playful punch. The two of them part ways, Derek walking off to his office and Penelope to hers.

You see how blissfully unaware they are. Everyone is. The team is happy. They have no reason not to be. They have no idea you’ve put them all in harm’s way. You wonder how you can ever make sure they’re safe. Give yourself up to this stalker? It’s clear he has an ulterior motive. He’s planning something and he needs you on his side. He needs your help. What if you refuse to help him? What if you cut off his only link to everyone? Cut him off to you. 

That would be the simple solution. If you die, he loses everything. He loses his leverage, his access to the team, his person on the inside. It’d be easy. The bureau would bury it all. Blame the whole thing on your mental status. You’d been erratic and deeply traumatized since your dismissal from the crisis response team. You’d blame all the lost lives on yourself. They’d say that the PTSD manifested itself as a deep self-hatred. You didn’t want to go on living with the guilt so you put a bullet in your brain as punishment. Retribution. Justice.

“You want me to take that up to Hotch?” Reid reaches down to take the file from in front of you. 

“What?” You barely catch his words and stand up, taking back your work and even taking his, “You know what? I’ll take it all up to Hotch.”

“Okay but I’m not buying you a coffee for doing it.” He narrows his eyes a little, obviously thrown off by your gesture. 

You smirk, “No more of that stuff. It’s time I stop being lazy and do it myself.”  You decide to stop avoiding Hotch’s office. The two of you eventually need to get used to this arrangement. It doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon. You both have aired your grievances with the other. It’s time to stop being angry. 

You knock on the door and wait for Hotch’s muffled ‘come in’ before stepping into the office. You open the door and immediately notice the room is stuffy and warm. He has his blazer thrown over the back of his chair. His tie has been loosened a bit and the top button of his shirt is undone.

“Something wrong?” Hotch’s profiling eyes run all over you as you stand a good bit away from him in the doorway of the office.

You shake your head, finally taking a few steps inside to place the stack of files on his desk, “These are all completed. Just waiting on your signature.”

Hotch reaches forward, taking the files from you, his fingers brushing against yours. The warmth of his hand against your ice-cold ones sends warm tingles all the way up your arm. “So how many coffees do you owe Reid? Do these files cancel those out?” You see a smirk playing on his lips though his eyes remain down at the files as he signs them.

A rush of air flows out of your nose in a soft laugh, “No more free coffees for him. I’ll go broke if I keep that up.” You rock a little on your heels as you stand in front of Hotch’s desk.

He looks up at you through those dark lashes of his, “You can take a seat while I finish these.” He gestures to one of the open chairs with the pen in his hand.

You take a seat across from him, gathering your hair up in your hands and off your neck, “You should really keep your door open. It’s so warm in here.”

Hotch seems to freeze a little in place, his eyes stuck on you as you hold your hair off your neck and fan your face. It seems to take a little force for him to turn his attention back to the files. “It’s really not bad.”

“I have never seen you take your jacket off or loosen your tie at this job,” You chuckle, watching his face flush a little at your attention to him and his habits, “Don’t be so stubborn, Agent Hotchner.” 

He shakes his head. Another small smirk. He stands up handing you back the files, “Good work. At this rate maybe you all can get out of here early today.”

You ignore the comment, knowing that you won’t leave until as late as possible. Not that he is going to leave early, either. “Thank you, sir.” You nod.

“For what? For noticing your hard work?” He scrunches his face up at your question, tilting his head a little.

“No uh,” You clutch the files against your chest, crossing your arms over them. “For the coffee this morning. And the coffee the other morning. It’s a really nice gesture. Thank you.”

“Oh that,” He waves his hand at you, “That’s nothing. No need to thank me.”

“It’s not nothing. You remembered my coffee order and everything,” You smile, “Thank you.” You see Hotch open his mouth, and you know he’s about to tell you to stop thanking him, “Like I said, always so stubborn. Just accept the thanks, Agent Hotchner.”

“Hotch,” He corrects you.

“Oh for god's sake just say you’re welcome,” You tease before shaking your head, turning on your heel and leaving the office. You swear you hear him mumble a soft ‘you’re welcome’ right as you leave, but that could be your imagination playing tricks on you. Your sleep-deprived mind isn’t even close to its best right now.

The rest of the day continues on just the same. You, Prentiss, and Reid attempt to power out as much work as possible, but Prentiss and Reid end up taking a long lunch break. While they’re gone, you can’t find the motivation to work efficiently. The absence of their company has your mind stuck on the photos and notes shoved down in the bottom of your bag. 

It’s something straight out of Edgar Allen Poe’s The Tell-Tale Heart. You see that sickening green handwriting on every file you read. A small voice in the back of your head reads the content of those two notes at a deafening volume.

You continue to bring your work up to Hotch’s office. After you left, he didn’t get up to close the door. You don't talk to him about much besides work-related topics, but whenever you step into the office you exchange polite smiles. A little bit of small talk. You bring him a mug of coffee in the late afternoon to repay him for the one he gave you in the morning. Every once in a while your hand brushes his again as you hand him the file and the warmth of his fingertips warms you over and over again.

In contrast to the way the whole team slowly trickled into the office in the morning, they all pack up their stuff, heading out at around the same time. “Y/L/N, are you leaving soon?” Garcia calls out to you from the door. She’s saddled up close to Derek again, his arm tight around her like always.

“Uh yeah soon!” You lie, “You guys go ahead. I gotta bring one or two more things up to Hotch’s office.” Lie. “Then I’m out of here.” Another lie.

“Don’t overwork yourself,” Derek warns, pointing an accusing finger at you. His tone is firm but you know he’s looking out for you and he cares about you.

“I promise I won’t,” You smile and wave your hands, shooing them out, “Go, go. Get home. Get rest. Don’t worry about me.” 

With almost everyone gone from the office, you feel much more secure taking out the notes and the work on your stalker friend. No peering eyes. No nosy coworkers. Just you and your notes and research. So you get to work. You start to lose track of time. The office grows darker and darker. 

———

Hotch lets out a long breath, leaning back in his office chair. The stack of cases to be reviewed is tauntingly large. So many requests for BAU aid and he hasn’t made a dent in sorting through them. He needs to mark high-priority ones and then decide which ones require on-the-ground work and which ones can get by with a written consultation. 

It’s late. The time on his computer makes his heart sink. It’s past Jack’s bedtime. He’s missed it. Again. 

He reaches for his briefcase and shoves some of the files into the bag. He’s not sure if he’ll get work done when he gets home, but there’s no harm in taking them home in case he does find the time. He texts Jessica, thanking her for taking care of Jack and putting him to bed. 

Hotch stands up from the desk, tossing the blazer over his arm. He reaches for the lamp to turn off the lights in the office, but now from this standing position, he sees the bullpen still lit up. He leans forward to see you hunched over your desk. 

You reach for a mug next to you. He wonders how many cups of coffee you’ve had today. He’s noticed how tired you always are. You get into the office early, you leave the office late. When do you find the time for sleep?

You can’t run yourself into the ground like this. He knows he’s being hypocritical, yet in some respects, he thinks it’s too late for him. His son and the job. That’s all he has left. Additionally, he’s the boss. He’s supposed to have more work than the team. He knows that if he asked any of you for help you would all take up extra hours to help him get home to Jack on time.

That’s the exact reason he worries. He can take the hit. He can survive the extra work. The job can’t take much more from him. He doesn’t have much left to lose. His team? They’re all still so full of joy and hope.

The job will kill you if you let it, and he has no intention of letting it ruin you. You’ve been through a lot. The details of which he’s sure he will never get to know, but it doesn’t take a profiler to see that there’s something constantly weighing on you.

Hotch sits back down at his desk. He reaches into his briefcase, pulling out the files. He doesn’t want you here alone. As long as you’re at the office, he’s going to stay with you. If you’re there, he’s there. Someone has to look out for you, and deep down he wants to be that person.

Friday. Nine days since the second note.

“Come on pleaaaase,” Garcia begs you with her best puppy dog eyes. She leans against Reid’s desk across from you. She’s assembled almost the entire team in the bullpen, trying to persuade you to go out for a round of drinks with them. 

“I don’t know…” You sigh and shake your head.

“You don’t have work. I know you don’t.” Reid points out, “We’re up to date on all of the case reports, Hotch doesn’t have any more consultation letters for us to write, and those training course evaluations are done.”

“So there! No excuse. Unless,” Garcia lets out a dramatic gasp, “Oh my god do you have plans? Like a big date?”

“Alright,” Derek laughs, “Female Einstein is getting some!” He holds up his hand for a high five.

You roll your eyes, both at the nickname and Garcia’s tendency to jump to conclusions, “No. I just don’t know. I live kind of far from everyone else and I don’t want to inconvenience you all.”

“I will personally pay for your Uber,” Rossi smirks, “You are coming with us.”

You sigh and hold your head in your hands, convinced that this time you won’t be able to get out of going out with them. This isn’t the first time they’ve all cornered you about going out with the team. You just can’t relax and let loose with them. The BAU feels safe. You can keep an eye on them. You worry that every minute you spend with them is another minute you put them in danger.

“Hotch, are you joining us for a drink?” Rossi calls out as Hotch descends the stairs with his bags. You’re relieved, knowing that Hotch will also turn down the offer.

There’s a long pause. “Jack is sleeping over at a friend’s for the night so… sure.”

The whole team goes silent. “Oh my god, that means you have to come!” Garcia squeals and jumps up excitedly. 

The team piles into a few cars and you find yourself sliding into the passenger’s seat of Hotch’s small black sedan. “Thanks. For driving me.” You nod.

“I’m glad you’re going out with the team. It’s going to make Garcia very happy,” He teases, wringing his hands around the steering wheel. “Plus I think you deserve a nice night out as a break.”

“What do you mean?” You pick at your nails a little in your lap.

“I just mean you work so hard. You get to the office early all the time, you always leave late. I think you should cut yourself some slack.” Hotch gestures a little with his right hand, leaving the other on the wheel.

“I do.” You lie. There’s a moment of pause. You can’t tell if Hotch realizes you're lying and is trying to find the words to call you out, or if he simply doesn’t know what to say next.

“Look, I understand that it can be hard to turn it all off and get a good night’s sleep sometimes.” His tone tells you that a lecture is coming on.

“Really, I’m okay, sir.” You stop him before he can continue.

“Hotch.” He corrects you.

“If I wasn’t okay I would tell someone,” You shrug, you pause for a second, “I would tell you, Hotch.”

“Would you?” His question is genuine, his voice taking on a serious tone.

“I wouldn’t have come back to work if I thought I wasn’t okay enough to do this job.” You reassure him.

“Just.. try to have fun with the team tonight. I know they’re going to be so happy. They all really love you.” He takes a slow breath, giving you a sideways glance, “We’re lucky to have you on the team.”

“You’re such a hypocrite, you know that?” You cut through the heavy feeling in the car with your lighthearted, teasing tone. “You get to the office just as early as I do and leave just as late.”

“I’m the boss. I’m supposed to have more responsibilities than you.” He argues.

“You work yourself too hard,” You shake your head disapprovingly which triggers a small laugh out of Hotch, “Plus, you have a son you need to get home to.”

Hotch shakes his head, “And you’re telling me you have no plans with anyone ever?”

“Nope. I just moved here a few weeks ago.” You shrug simply.

“I don’t believe it,” He chuckles, “Someone like you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You huff in confusion.

“It means you’re a charismatic, successful, beautiful woman and you live just a short ride outside of DC, a major city. You’re telling me there’s no one dying to make plans with you?”

“Nope.” You repeat, yet you can’t seem to hide the flush that spreads up into your neck at his compliment. 

“You are so difficult, you know that?” That stunning smile of his grows, flashing his teeth.

“Yeah, and you’re the most stubborn man I’ve ever met,” You smirk and unbuckle your seatbelt as Hotch parks the car.

“I swear to god you age me more and more these days, and I have a 5-year-old son,” He rolls his eyes and you follow him into the bar with a loud laugh.

The rest of the team is already set up at a bar top table with a round of drinks for everyone. Garcia holds up her glass, “A toast is in order. To our new family member,” She points her colorful cocktail in your direction, “We are so lucky to have you.” 

You smile, avoiding her eye line, knowing that your face will flush bright red if you look at her. You glance to your side instead, which is an even worse decision as you lock eyes with Hotch who seems to be staring back at you with the utmost admiration. 

“And you are now, never allowed to leave because now I’m attached and I’ve welcomed you into this family and we’ve lost too many family members already,” Garcia continues the toast, pulling your attention away from Hotch’s enchanting eyes.

“To Y/N,” Hotch speaks up from beside you. Your first name seems to fall from his lips effortlessly. You turn and clink your glass with all your coworkers, giving each a little smile as you do. 

“Okay, I need to dance. Now.” Garcia grins and latches onto Morgan, pulling him out to the crowded part of the bar where everyone is dancing and mingling.

Reid settles into a chair, already talking JJ’s ear off about something he brought up on the car ride to the bar. You slide into one of the high chairs next to Hotch. For a while, you just sit there in silence, watching as Prentiss joins Garcia on the dance floor to replace Morgan, who’s been whisked away to dance with some beautiful girl.

You don’t know how to make non-work-related small talk with Hotch, so the only thing you can do is sit and finish off your drink. Garcia ordered you some super sweet drink and it’s hurting you to get the whole thing down, but you do it. You turn to Hotch, hoping to crack some joke about Garcia’s taste in cocktails but he’s stood up from his chair and walked to the bar. 

You watch as he leans against the bartop, handing his card over to the bartender. For a moment, you catch a glimpse of the man you used to know. He’s casually draped against the bar, leaning with one arm. His shoulders are relaxed. He’s not as uptight as you’re used to seeing him in the office. He grabs the cocktail and walks back to slide in next to you again, “I got you a gin and tonic. If my memory serves me right, you were always very simple with your drinks.”

“You remember my coffee orders and my drink orders?” You look at him quizzically and take the drink from his warm, large hands.

“You took up a lot of space in my thoughts,” He shrugs. This time, his neck flushes a little, “Much more than I was willing to admit at the time.”

Before you can say anything more, Garcia’s hand wraps around your upper arm tightly and yanks you out to the middle of the bar. “Garcia!” You laugh and shoot a look back at Hotch. Hotch is smiling widely at the two of you. 

You mouth a small ‘help me’ to Hotch and he laughs, shaking his head. He holds his arms up in defense. “Nothing I can do now!” He calls after you. 

Garcia is quick to pull you out to dance, twirling you around playfully. You dance around with her for a song but the entire time your eyes keep flicking back to Hotch. He’s making idle chit-chat with Rossi, but he struggles to maintain eye contact with him as they talk. He keeps looking over at you and Garcia. You and Garcia disappear more into the crowd, yet you can see as he searches for you guys every few minutes, making sure he still sees where you are.

In time, everyone starts to tucker out. Garcia, however, has unlimited stamina and it takes Morgan practically dragging her off the dancefloor to leave. Everyone piles into separate Ubers and just as you reach for your phone to call one for yourself, a large hand rests on your shoulder. “Let me just drive you home.” Hotch offers.

You jump a little at the unexpected contact, not because you don’t enjoy the feeling of his hand on you, but more because he startled you, “No I can’t ask you to—”

“I’m not going to take no as an answer so can we just cut out the bickering?” He teases. 

“Fine,” You bite back your smile, trying to pretend to be angry as you follow him back to the car. 

“Did you have fun tonight?” Hotch asks after a few minutes of silence.

You almost laugh at the small talk, feeling like a teenager being picked up by their parent after a party, “Garcia really goes hard.” You laugh, “Did I see no-nonsense unit chief Hotchner smile tonight? Is it possible you know how to have fun?”

“I know how to have fun,” Hotch rolls his eyes at you, “Someone has to be the serious one to keep all of you in line.”

“Right, like we all need that much discipline,” You shake your head.

“Have you met Morgan and Prentiss?” He glances at you for a second before turning his eyes back to the road. The car is dark but you can still see that bright shine of his teeth in his smile.

“They’re not that bad,” You argue for them. “Childish? Sometimes. But they get their work done!”

“Do you remember last week when they rigged Reid’s phone to keep blasting that awful rock song while we were all sleeping on the jet?” He shakes his head, “I’m in charge of a team of children.”

“Okay, okay you’re right, that was a bit chaotic.” The car comes to a stop in front of your apartment building. 

“A bit?” Hotch shakes his head, finally able to fully turn and look at you, “I thought I was going to have to tell the pilot to open the emergency door and throw them out.” At that, you let out a loud, full-bodied laugh. It’s nice to see Hotch letting loose, letting his humor shine through.

You open the door and step out, hearing Hotch following behind. Of course, he insists on walking you to the door. You speak through the last of your little breathy laughs, “Thank you for driving me home, Hotch.” You turn once you reach the door, seeing him close behind you. 

“Aaron,” He corrects softly.

You pause and nod, the shoulder of your jacket falling off, “Aaron.” You repeat. He takes a step closer to you, reaching forward for the jacket, pulling it back up onto your shoulders. His fingertips brush against your arm and you feel those small sparks all over again. 

You want to blame the alcohol, but you know one drink wouldn’t produce this tingly feeling that grows all over your body. He’s not too close to you, but close enough you can feel the warmth of his body. You swear you can feel your heart beating in your ears. You smell his cologne. He’s still dressed in his work clothes but he’s loosened the tie around his neck, the top button of his shirt undone underneath it. 

Your eyes flit down to his lips and you don’t hide it. You look back up at him and the way he’s looking down at you is just absolutely sinful. Yet it’s not the look of lust deep in those memories you have of him. 

He looks at you with… with something you can’t quite decipher. His eyes are warm and the corners are turned up ever so slightly as he smiles at you. Well, as much as Aaron Hotchner smiles these days. 

His hand still hovers on your arm from where he pulled your jacket up. It feels like ages before you finally decide to speak. You don’t want to ruin the moment. The overhead lighting at the front door of your building, casting long shadows across his face. His strong brow keeps his eyes a little shaded from view but that look is piercing. That look of… adoration?

You shiver a little, the temperature in the area falling every day. “I should get inside.” You don’t want to pull away from him. You’re so close. You’re falling into him. He’s pulling you right back into him. Yet he’s not the same man. You’re falling for Aaron Hotchner all over again. You force your body away from his. 

“Einstein, wait,” He grabs your arm, and hearing that name fall from his lips has your heart jumping into your throat. He pulls your back to him and in an instant, you’re pressed against him. There’s no space between your bodies. Your hands rest on his chest, your head tilted up at him, leaving just a few inches between his lips and yours. 

It’s like the past eight years have been drowning and this Hotch, unit chief Hotch, understands it more than ever. He’s fighting the current right alongside you. He’s done his fair share of drowning, yet it’s time he helps you out of the water. It’s time you both come up for air.

Just as your faces inch closer, your eyes fluttering closed, waiting for the feeling of those soft lips on your own, he sucks in a little breath. The warmth of his body disappears from yours. You open your eyes to see him stepping away, “Good night,” he clears his throat, “See you on Monday.” He shoves both hands into his pockets and turns away from you. 

You want to call out to him or grab his hand and pull him back to you. You want to tell him about the notes. You want to save him. You want to tell him you’ve missed him. You’ve missed his smile. His small little jokes. The little gestures. You want to tell him what’s been tugging at the back of your mind this entire week. The feeling deep in the pit of your stomach that has been growing day by day. The thing you feared the most when you started this new job. The thing you were dreading. Yet, somehow, deep down you knew it was inevitable. 

There’s so much you need to say to him, but the both of you have always struggled with what needs to be said. So you let him walk back to his car, and you turn into your apartment complex.

You trudge up the stairs, the feeling of his lips so close to yours haunting your mouth. You reach your fingers up, rubbing your lips as if there’s something left on them. Yet when you pull your hand away there’s nothing there, and the tingly feeling remains. 

The warmth in your body lingers all night. It keeps you up, eyes trained on the ceiling. You watch the fan circle around, over and over. Have you been deluding yourself? The small touches, the coffee every morning, the way he holds the elevator for you. He never leaves the office before you do. These past few nights you’ve stayed late to avoid coming home. 

Your home should be a place of safety, security, yet these days, it feels like this note-sending friend of yours could snatch you without anyone noticing you’ve disappeared. You can’t sleep. Plus, at the BAU you can keep a close eye on everyone. You can keep a close eye on Hotch. You can make sure your team is safe.

On Monday, you knew he was done with work. You saw him reach for the lamp in his office to turn it off. You saw him pack his briefcase through the blinds. He was trying to leave. Yet you were still there. So he stayed. Tonight, at the bar, he kept close to you. He was right by your side. He was glued to you, drawn to you, even. You were drawn to him. 

The smile he flashed you over the top of his glass had the world falling down around you. You and Hotch’s respective years of life experience melted away. All the past disappeared. Just you and him. Just a girl and a guy in a bar enjoying each other's company.

The hum of the air-con next to the bed lulls you almost asleep. Visions swirling behind your eyelids, no doubt a result of consuming alcohol for the first time in a while. You keep replaying the scene in your brain. The feeling of Hotch so close to you. He leans in. His lips are so close to yours. It’s been so long but you don’t forget the way it feels to kiss him. It always starts slowly at first. It’s never harsh or rushed, but as soon as you taste him on your lips it’s hard to stop yourself from grasping for more. Hands wander, soft mewls of pleasure. You can remember it all so well. But he didn’t kiss you. He was just oh so close, just close enough that you—

A creak. A squeak of the floorboards. 

You sit up alert in bed. You reach over to the side table for your weapon, pausing slightly as the bed squeaks with your movements. You can feel your heart hammering against your ribcage. The thumping is so strong it pounds up into your ears, but you’re desperately trying to listen for any other noises.

The door hinges creak. The front door closes softly. You can’t tell whether or not that means someone has entered your apartment or just left. 

You wrap your fingers fully around your firearm and pull out the side table drawer, grabbing the small flashlight, clicking it on with your thumb, and stepping out of bed. You creep slowly towards your bedroom door.

The knob is cold as your fingers wrap around it tightly. Every movement is slow and calculated. Any small excess noises make your fear increase exponentially. 

You turn the knob and pull back the door. You look out into the darkness of your apartment, flashing your light over every available surface. You do a full sweep, checking under every table and chair, in every closet, and the locks on every window. There’s no one there.

But you know what you heard. You heard your front door close. You heard someone walking around the apartment. You flick the lights on. There’s a manila envelope pinned to your makeshift case board in the living room. The front of the envelope has that same familiar sickly green ink. Your name is written with a small heart. 

You put your gun down on the table in front of you, reaching forward with shaky hands to take the envelope off the wall. You pull out a stack of photos from the folder, coupled with a sheet of paper with some numbers and code on it. Last is the small note.

Rule 2: You will get me whatever information I want. When I want it.

You sort through the photos. The whole team is there. Multiple photos of JJ, Reid, Prentiss, Morgan, Garcia, and Hotch. All taken over the course of the past week. You recognize their outfits from work. 

You don’t know what to do anymore. All you really want is to call Hotch and tell him everything. You’re tired of feeling unsafe in your own home. You’re tired of the past. You want to put everything behind you, yet this asshole won’t seem to let you move on. He won’t let you heal. You reach for your phone and dial his number. 

“Y/L/N? Something wrong?”

You let a long pause go by without speaking. 

“Y/L/N?” Hotch’s voice is a little groggy. He was probably sleeping.

“I was just making sure you got home safely. My bad. I should’ve told you to text me or something.” Your voice is trembling. 

Another pause.

“I’m sorry,” Your breath catches in your throat a little as he says that, “I’m sorry to worry you.” He clarifies the apology, but you know what he really means. Sorry for almost kissing you. 

You don’t reply, but you don’t hang up the phone either. You just sit there, with the phone pressed to your ear. You don’t want to hang up. It feels like nothing bad will happen to you while you’re talking on the phone with Hotch.

“Y/L/N? Are you sure everything is okay?” His voice is a little clearer now. He’s waking up more.

“Yeah. Sorry for disturbing you. See you on Monday.” You don’t let him get another word in, embarrassed that you’ve wasted his time, embarrassed of the way you feel about him, embarrassed that he clearly doesn’t feel the same. The almost-kiss was a mistake. He apologized. He doesn’t want it to mean anything.

You leave all the lights on in your apartment, somehow comforted by the idea that the light is fighting off anything or anyone that could lurk in the shadows, but you know there’s no chance in hell you get a bit of sleep.

Monday. Three days since the third note.

You don’t hear from Aaron Hotchner all weekend, yet that’s not even close to the forefront of your mind. The note. You pour over the lines of code. You would kill for some help from the famed Penelope Garcia. So that’s what you decide you’re going to do when you walk into the office.

You’re early like always, yet this time, Hotch isn’t there as early. He comes in at the same time as everyone else. You’d be lying if you said seeing him get off the elevator didn’t quicken your heart rate. He looks good. You give him a small smile, one that he doesn’t quite return. 

He moves past your desk, giving a very general, ‘Good morning’ to the whole team. 

He’s being distant. Weird. He doesn’t plop down a full mug of coffee on your desk as he has been recently. The slam of his office door solidifies your suspicions that something is amiss. 

You try not to take it to heart. Maybe it’s not about you. Maybe it was a rough week with Jack. Maybe there’s a lot of work to be done this week. You remember the mysterious code from your stalker in the bottom of your bag. You pull the paper out and head for Garcia’s office.

You step into her small lair of computers, “Hey,” You knock on the door.

“Hey, love!” She squeals, turning in her chair, but her face drops quickly when she sees you’re not in much of a joking, playful mood. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing I just,” You move to sit on the edge of her desk, “I need you to look at this and tell me if you understand what it is.” You hand her a paper where you’ve rewritten the codes from the letter. 

“I have to look into it.” She pulls up an open window on one of her many monitors, her keys clacking away as she copies the string of numbers. “Oh?”

“What is it?” You stand up from the edge of the desk, placing your hand on the back of her chair, leaning forward a little. The computer still looks like a nonsense screen of numbers to you.

“It’s like an encrypted online dropbox. You put the information in, yet both sides of the exchange can’t track one another,” She rattles off quickly. She pauses for a second, “Wait, why do you need this?”

You sigh and take the code back from her, “Following a lead on an open case.” 

“What open case? You want me to add this to the file?” Garcia starts to question you but you’re already halfway out the door. So he wants information from you. He wants to use you for your connections. You drop information into this dropbox and you can’t track him. You shove the sheet of code deep into the bottom of your bag and toss it to the side of your desk. 

“Y/L/N, please?” Emily pouts a little, holding a file out to you, “You’re already standing up.”

You roll your eyes, “I’ve seen you all run out in the field. Don’t even pretend to be incapable of taking on a flight of stairs,” You tease but still take the file from her. It gives you a good excuse to test the waters with Hotch.

You knock on the door, wait for the small ‘come in’, and step into the warm office. “What did I say about getting some air in here?” You laugh and place the file down on his desk. Hotch barely gives you a second glance. He takes the file from you with a small thanks. You hesitate for a moment, yet decide not to say anything else. Hotch hands the file back to you. 

In contrast to how the past week has gone, the whole interaction feels so static. It feels so impersonal. You should’ve known better. Hotch hasn’t changed. He’s still so hot and cold with you. He still doesn’t know what he wants.

“Y/L/N,” He speaks up. Finally, “I want to apologize for my behavior on Friday. That was unprofessional of me.”

Your jaw goes a little slack. You’re not even sure how to respond. “Excuse me?”

“I don’t mean to send you the wrong message—”

“You really haven’t changed at all, have you?” You cut him off. You keep the volume of your voice down, but your tone still has a bite. “You’re still so scared. Of what, I can’t seem to figure out. Of real feelings? No, because clearly, you’ve experienced those before.” You don't mean to turn the conversation onto the topic of his wife, now understanding the sensitivity of that but you’re tired of confusing signals from Aaron Hotchner.

Hotch breathes out an exasperated sigh. “I shouldn’t have acted the way I did.”

“Say something real. Anything. Please,” You beg him, yet he still maintains that icy, professional exterior, “What are you so fucking scared of, Aaron?" Your first name falls from his lips unintentionally.

"I’m scared of everything,” He finally breaks, "I’m scared to touch you because as soon as I do I know I will lose myself in you. I can’t go back to before Haley. I just can’t"

"Can’t or won’t?" You snap.

There’s a sense of desperation in his voice. "No I can’t," He emphasizes it heavily, gesturing with his palms face down, "Because being with you feels like eight years ago. It feels like being a person I left in the past. I can’t go back to being that person, because that person hasn’t seen or done what I have done."

"Do you think I want you to be that person again? The man who made me fall in love with him just to let me down. You think I want that man back?" You cross your arms against your chest.

"I never made you do anything." Hotch lowers his voice as he speaks, shooting a sidelong glance at the bullpen, checking to make sure you’re still out of earshot of the team.

"Jesus, are you so dense that you really think I wouldn’t develop feelings after what we did? I was falling in love with you! With everything about you,” You shift on your feet a little. It was clear you fell for him all those years ago but to say it out loud is a completely different thing.

Hotch’s eyes drop down to the desk. He runs his finger over the edge of the desk distractedly, "You don’t think I fell for you too?” 

"What you felt for me back then, Aaron, it wasn’t love," You cross your arms, breathing out shakily, "Because you don’t hurt the people that you love."

The desperation and exhaustion are present in his expression and the way he continues to trail his finger along the edge of the desk, "It was the only way I knew how to love someone at that time in my life."

"That’s not good enough. I deserve better than what you gave me," You feel sick to your stomach and your heart is practically pounding out of your chest.

"I’m sorry," His voice is soft. You’re almost convinced he means it this time.

There’s a small knock on the open office door behind you. You turn to look at Garcia, who realizes she’s interrupted something that goes beyond work. She holds up a file.

“Garcia?” Hotch straightens up a little, clearing his throat and returning to his previous level of professionalism.

“Sorry to interrupt, boss, but we have a serious problem,” She stutters over her words a little, “New York has a serious problem. Multiple bomb threats across the city, one went off this morning. The signature is eerily familiar to an old case and they’re desperate for BAU help.”

“Gather the team on the jet. Wheels up as soon as possible,” Hotch nods and gathers up his things, moving around you to follow Garcia out of the office.

You stand there for a second, partially paralyzed by your conversation with Hotch. However, it’s the thought of returning to New York that makes you unable to move. Bombs in New York. Your blood runs cold, chills up and down your back. This case is going to be difficult, and the tremulous status of your relationship with Hotch isn’t going to help.

Chapter 16: II.V →

Tag list: @wanniiieeee @art-and-thoughts @enjoymyloves @flipperpenguins @angelic-kisses13 @archiveofadragon​

[agent-ccarter]

Work in progress. p.p

SPOILERS FOR ENDGAME UNDER THE LINK

Summary: You are Tony’s daughter and Peter’s girlfriend; the events of endgame bring both happy memories of being reunited with Peter and terrible feelings of mourning. You struggle with nightmares in the aftermath. 

Pairings: Stark! reader x Peter, Stark! reader x Tony

Word Count: 1.1k

Trigger warning: Death.

The air was thick with smoke and fear, as Steve stood alone facing Thanos’ army. You wanted to help, you really did, but you were thrown by the purple giant and hit your head, meaning the already huge army was easily doubled in your vision. You loved Steve, but you weren’t naive; you didn’t stand a chance. Until, of course, the heroes you had grown to love displayed there impeccable timing, as Sam’s voice came through your earpiece, followed by Strange’s magic floating in the air.

As soon as you saw your fallen friends, you’d be foolish not to admit you were looking for one thing only, that red and blue suit; of course, Peter had to make an entrance, swinging through the portal and launching onto the floor. You wanted to laugh, but the pounding in your head said otherwise. The heroes launched into action, but as they did, T’challa pointed the boy in your direction.

“Y/N” he almost gasped, grateful to finally be united yet disturbed by your circumstance. He ran over, disregarding the imminent battle, as your headache subsided and you moved to meet him, “Woah, no stay down. Are you ok?”

You glared at him as you took to your feet, “You just got back after turning to dust 5 years ago and you’re asking me if i’m ok?”

He merely laughed, an action cut short as you pulled him into a hug.

“I missed you,” you mumbled, “so so much.”

He placed his hand on the back of your head, pulling you closer, “You too. I’m sorry for leaving you. I never will again.”

“Good. I’ll hold you to that.”

As you pulled away, you were both quick to notice that the battle had escalated quickly. You both stopped for a second,

“Think we should go help?” You asked, obviously aware that you definitely will.

“I don’t know, let’s just run away and let them deal with it.” You merely glared at him, “Kidding, I’m kidding…” He winked. You both prepared to run into battle, but before you could, Peter grabbed your wrist.

“Be careful. I only just got you back.”

The fight was intense, but the help of everyone coming back was immeasurable; not only were their more to fight, but you felt strong, powerful, fearless. Your new suit helped you to throw your enemies left right and centre.

“Y/N, are you ok?” You heard your dad over the intercom, quickly making you roll your eyes.

“Yes Dad, I’m fine. I thought you said you wouldn’t baby me?” You teased, well aware that your usually protective dad was definitely worrying. 

“I’m not babying you, Y/N, I was just...checking. Cap, you ok? Bruce?”

“Haha, very funny. Love ya dad!” You made the casual remark, earning the same response from Tony.

You continued fighting, helping get Peter to Scott’s van (a concept you still didn't properly understand) when Thanos essentially picked you up and threw you across the battle site. You groaned in pain, quickly losing consciousness. You were roused only by the noise coming through your intercom. 

“Y/N?” Steve spoke. 

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m fine.”

“You need to get here quick.” He sounded frantic, so you were sure that the battle was getting even harder. However, as you stood, you noticed that the battle had ceased, and small piles of dust sat were your enemies once stood. You couldn’t help but smile, 

We won.

You managed to find the rest of the group, but couldn’t ignore the clear misery of your friends, the source of which was made clear by Peter’s sobs and the looks of sadness your teammates sent you. You walked towards Peter and Pepper, who only saw you once you made eye contact with your father, who lay dying on the rubble.

“Dad.” You cried, allowing one stray tear to fall as you ran towards him, falling to your knees where Peter had once sat. He moved, allowing you to get closer as he hugged you from behind, allowing his tears to fall on your shoulder.

Your father smiled at you, “I love you.”

“I know. I’ll look after them.” You replied, referring to Pepper and your little sister, Morgan.

“I know. And he will look after you,” He weakly nodded towards to Peter, “because if he doesn’t, I’ll haunt him forever.” You laughed through the tears, while your dad weakly smiled.

“I love you.” You spoke as you kissed his cheek and held his hand hard, as he finally took his last breath, “I love you.”

You woke up sharply, sitting upright as you caught your breath. 

“Oh my god,” You muttered, wiping the tears from your face as you looked on Peter’s sleeping form in the bed. He was still sound asleep, but even his peace failed to wipe the feeling of terror from your mind. The battle was months ago, but you were unsure of the cruelty of that day would ever be wiped from your heart. 

You moved out of the bed, careful not to wake Peter, and walked through the newly built, much smaller Avengers’ compound until you reached the kitchen. You grabbed a glass of water, and walked through to the living room, going past the small framed photograph of your father Peter insisted on proudly displaying by a larger frame featuring your little family: Yourself, Peter, Pepper, and your dad, smiling happily at a lakeside vacation you went on. You couldn’t help but smile, but the images also stirred up the emotions you were trying to subdue. You picked up the frame, and took your place sat on the window seat overlooking the river, and began to watch the odd car move by in the distance.

It didn’t take long before you felt a kiss pressed to your head, and your boyfriend took the seat next to you.

“You’re not in bed.” He sighed, well aware of why you were up.

“Wow, would you look at that? I never realised, maybe that’s why I couldn’t sleep!” You stated, looking around in a state of shock while sarcasm was clear in your tone. Peter sniggered but knew you were simply sarcastic to cover up your pain.

“You ok?”

“No.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

Peter sighed, “Y/N, you can’t just hide away. You’ve been having nightmares for months, I need you to-”

“Open up, I know. I’m sorry, Pete. It's hard,” you sighed, grabbing his hand in yours, “I’m a work in progress. I’ll try, I promise.”

He smiled softly, muttering an ‘I love you’ as he kissed your hand once more before dragging you back to bed.

A/N: I genuinely had so much fun writing this, I hope you all enjoyed it!!

[afangirlwashere]

We’ll always be back then (p.p. x reader)

Summary: A good thing ends to enable another good one to happen.

Warnings: a few swear words here and there, some angst 

A/N: I got really sad thinking about losing Tony and now Spider-Man in the same year and this happened.

Song inspo: this absolute gem that inspired the title, Where did all my friends go - Jamie Campbell Bower, Alone is no together - The Darling Buds

Masterlist

Peter’s stomach twisted and turned as his eyes fixed on the Iron Man helmet set on a small table in the living room.  His hands damped and he swallowed so much saliva that throwing up seemed like a very real option. 

He looked away trying to calm his senses but when he saw Pepper’s small polite smile while Morgan sat in her lap playing with her mother’s hands, staring at Pepper’s wedding ring, he felt his breathing quicken.  Morgan’s eyes wandered around the room as her little fingers kept twisting the wedding ring and her eyes eventually met with Peter’s. 

He got introduced to Morgan today before the funeral ceremony but they barely spoke to each other. It was only now that he could see her face for a little longer that he realized - she has Tony’s eyes.  They’re big and the same shade of dark brown. Though Peter couldn’t think of Tony’s eyes without remembering the last time he saw them he knew that whenever his mentor looked at him they were warm with admiration and love. They were in his last moments too. 

Morgan’s, on the other hand, weren’t like that at all. Even though Pepper had introduced him as ‘The Peter Parker’ to her he was still a complete stranger. And Morgan was smart for her age, or at least that’s what Happy told him this morning when he drove them to the lake. One of the first things you teach your child is stranger danger and the house was full of people who were exactly that. So she stayed as close to her mother as possible. 

Peter felt his body move without knowing where it was headed. He pushed the glass doors open to get out of the house and maybe puke somewhere more private.

“Peter? Are you okay?” he heard his aunt’s faint voice. She was the one talking to Pepper right now. 

“Just need some fresh air...” he mumbled so quietly that he was sure none of them heard him. 

His tie felt like it was choking him but it was impossible to loosen with shaky hands. His feet fumbled from the stairs and that’s when he noticed a figure standing on the bridge to the lake. 

At first, he thought it must have been one of the guests because all the women had some kind of a black dress and a coat. But the closer he got the more unsure he was. 

As he was opening his mouth to speak a small figure ran past him brushing his leg lightly. Morgan rammed in the girl's leg with full force almost knocking her into the lake. 

“You scared me dumpling.” she turned around and stroked Morgan’s hair delicately “What are you doing outside alone?” Shortly after the unknown girl’s head jerked up noticing they weren’t completely alone. 

Peter’s own stranger danger flags were going red at this point. He didn’t see this girl at the ceremony or inside for that matter. Even though Morgan seemed to be close with her - a lot closer than with him which stung - his first instinct was to take Morgan back inside and protect her from a possibly dangerous person.

“The nice lady wanted to go after Pete but mommy said that I should go see if he’s alright. I think she wants us to be friends like him and daddy.” Morgan watched the girl kneel to her.

“That’s nice.” she fixed the white collar on the little Stark’s dress.

Peter’s breath hitched in his lungs for a second.  He appreciated Pepper trying to formulate a better relationship between them and Morgan being a smarty pants picked up on it immediately.

“I also wanted to ask,” Morgan hugged herself trying to warm up, “uncle Happy said he’ll take me for some cheeseburgers and I thought you could come with us if you want?” 

The girl gave her a quick smile. “Of course. Are you going to invite anyone else?” she shot an obvious look towards Peter trying to help her out. 

Morgan rocked back and forth tugging at her dress. “Do you want to come with us, Pete?” 

“I’d love to,” he muttered cracking a tiny smile “if you want me there.” 

Morgan nodded still rocking her little body shyly. 

“Why don’t you go inside and tell your mom where we’re headed munchkin? I’ll come to the house in a minute and find you a jacket so you won’t catch a cold, okay?” 

They both watched Pepper opening the glass door when her daughter tapped on it. Peter saw Pepper’s polite smile again and then he noticed that the unknown girl had her hand in the air waving tenderly. 

“I don’t think we’ve met yet. I’m Peter Parker.” he sticks out his own hand to shake.

“I know who you are...” the girl blurts out. 

Peter’s eyes widen slightly and he can’t help but think in panic ‘Does she know I’m Spider-Man?’.

When she notices his shock her mouth opens for a few seconds before she finds the courage to speak again. “Sorry that sounded kinda creepy. I meant he... um... They... There’s this photograph in the kitchen that I remember seeing whenever I was washing the dishes. It’s you and Mr. Stark holding a certificate upside down and doing bunny ears to each other. I always thought it was funny but I never saw you around or heard anyone mention you and one day I asked Mr. Stark about it...” she paused and looked away for a second taking a breath of fresh air. “He told me that you were an intern at the Stark Industries before you blipped. I didn’t ask more about you it seemed like a sensitive topic for him. But I think he kept it there to remember you.” 

Peter felt tears prickle his already red eyes so he lowered his head nodding and sniffing. 

“I’m sorry if I agitated you I really didn’t mean to.” she stepped closer to him putting her hand out finally “I’m (Y/N) (Y/L/N). Morgan’s babysitter.” they shook hands shortly and firmly. “If you’re worried about her acting weird you don’t have to. She’ll warm up to you.” 

Peter’s lips pressed together in a line as he nodded once more. “So... How did you become a babysitter? You seem kind of young.” 

“Yeah well... Same applies to you.” 

“That’s fair.” he cracked a smile. 

(Y/N) dug her hands in her pockets and squinted. “It’s a longer story than you’d expect. It includes a broken bike, a breakin, the Iron Man armor, some broken vases and an almost trip to the AE.”

The only thing Peter managed to say after that was a quiet wow. 

(Y/N) shrugged. “What can I say? When an expensive sports car ends up in your poor neighborhood and Tony Stark - after fixing your bike - drags that old piece of shit to the seventh floor it’s not something you just tide over. Pretty sure my mom almost had a heart attack when she saw him in our living room.” 

“I can relate to your mom.” he chuckled thinking of his first time meeting Mr. Stark. “How much are you over to watch Morgan?” 

“Once a month or two. They never liked leaving Morgan alone too much. There have been a few emergencies when an expensive car would just pull up in front of our building and a grumpy Mr. Hogan would drive me here. I like to think that I grew on him after two years.” 

She made the boy smile again. It wasn’t hard to notice that it wasn’t a completely honest smile. His eyes didn’t crinkle and his teeth didn’t show.  So she made a promise to herself that day. (Y/N) swore to not stop until he starts smiling like that again. She owed it to the man that gave his life to bring him and so many others back. 

“I’m sorry if I come off as nosy,” Peter looked back to the house as if he wanted to make sure nobody was listening in. “But why weren’t you here at the ceremony?” 

He almost immediately regretted his question because (Y/N) bit on her lip and averted her eyes to the lake. Just as he was about to apologize and try to make a shitty joke she spoke. “I-I didn’t feel like I belong here. With everyone that was so close to him... Mrs. Potts invited me but I just... I thought it would be better if I  showed up later for Morgan? Because I was the one who was with her when it happened.” she closed her eyes and then immediately looked up. Peter knew that she was trying to suppress tears. He did that move too. “I just remember some strange guy with a red cape and pretty intense facial hair if you ask me,” her eyes were teary when she let out a chuckle still trying to keep this horrible story lighthearted. “Opening a portal in my room and Mrs. Potts had the blue armor I saw in the garage once. She said that it’s urgent and I jumped right in to take care of Morgan. I saw the news that people were coming back so I figured there must be a fight going on. But I didn’t really know what was going on until she came back with Mr. Rhodes.” 

Peter felt like an asshole for making her talk about something that obviously traumatized her to the core. He himself couldn’t even talk about the whole fight nor his last moments spent with Mr. Stark. But he couldn’t share his story. He was just Peter Parker to her. A guy that had an internship at the Stark Industries. 

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” he croaked out. “I can’t even imagine how awful that must have been.” oh but he could.

(Y/N) wiped her nose. “We should probably stop making each other cry and get inside or they’re going to go for those cheeseburgers without us.” she stopped next to Peter waiting for a response. 

He looked back at the lake one more time, the reactor nestled in the flowery wreath was out of sight a long time ago but he still wanted to try and seek it for assurance. 

“Okay. Maybe you could tell me the story of how exactly Mr. Stark ended up dragging your bike to the seventh floor on our way?” they walked to the house alongside each other. 

“Sure!” (Y/N) grinned at the boy. “So, it started on a calm thursday afternoon when I got the genius idea to go bike without a map...” 

[luxurylives]

Day One – Winter | Winter Evening

Pairing: Aurora Emery x Duke Oakley

Book(s): Open Heart/Big Sky Country

Word Count: 2,046

Rating: T

Summary: After a brief encounter at Edenbrook, Aurora and Duke cross paths at a bar on a cold winter night in Boston.

Author’s Note: I wrote this for the Choices December Challenge (late submission). The idea came from a recent episode of The Young & the Restless—Billy (Jason Thompson) met Amanda (Mishael Morgan) at a bar and since then they’ve been seeing each other in secret. This takes place after Open Heart, Book 1 and after Big Sky Country, Book 2. Mohsenin is from Hollywood U. Pixelberry Studios owns the characters.

Tagging: @cora-nova @choicesdecemberchallenge​ @darley1101​ @choicesbyjade @lady-kato​ @silverofdreams​ @stillafictosexual @mfackenthal @brightpinkpeppercorn

Aurora Emery sat in the break room and poked her salad with her fork. The faint ticking of the clock echoed around her. 

“Only one more hour…” she said quietly. 

The past few days had been tiring, luckily her day off was just around the corner. After a few more bites, Aurora threw her salad away and left the break room. 

…Just tell me why…

Aurora froze and turned her head in the direction of the music playing nearby. Whoever was singing had a rich, soulful voice. 

…There’s still so much left to say…

Aurora continued down the hall as the music continued to play. 

…Please come back to me…

Once Aurora found the room, she gently pushed the door open to see who was inside. 

The man sitting up in bed had his laptop out and his phone next to him. Although he was wearing a hospital gown, it was no secret he spent his fair share of time in the gym. Aurora’s eyes traveled from the willful look in his chocolate brown eyes to the neatly trimmed beard, chiseled jaw, and the curves of his biceps under the sleeves. 

“Is someone there?”

Aurora started to back away but then realized how foolish that would be, so she pushed the door open and walked into the room.

“Hm, you aren’t Dr. Delarosa,” he said with a smile and lowered the lid to his computer. 

Aurora cleared her throat, maintaining a professional demeanor. “No, I’m not, I heard the music— “.

“I figured it was too loud, my apologies,” he said and lowered the volume. “My neighbor didn’t bring me any headphones, only my essentials for work”. 

“Just try to keep the music at a lower volume”. 

“Will do” he answered back. 

Aurora turned to leave but paused in the doorway, the man looked up once more and raised an eyebrow at her. “If you don’t mind me asking, who was that?” she asked. 

“Stepback Three, he just released a new single”.

Aurora shook her head as she tried to contain her smile. So he’s hot and listens to R&B….

“Hold on…are you taking over for Ines or…?”

Aurora snapped out of her thoughts, remembering she had somewhere to be and patients to check on. “No, I was just nearby…did you need anything?”

The man looked around and shrugged. “No I’m okay for right now, thank you”. 

“Your welcome” Aurora replied and exited the room. 

Once she was back in the hallway, she smiled, hopefully, she would run into him again. 

  A few weeks later, Aurora found herself working the same shift as Bryce, Sienna, Elijah, and Jackie. When it was time to clock out, Aurora retreated to the locker room to gather her things so she could go home. 

“Has anyone decided where we’re going out to eat?”

Aurora briefly looked over her shoulder to see the group huddled together, all of them out of their uniform and changing their shoes. 

“I have a few surgeon buddies who want to tag along,” Bryce said. 

“Bryce I was hoping to keep this get together small…sometimes your other friends can be a bit much” Sienna chimed in. 

Aurora busied herself with her locker, desperately trying to get it open. The less she heard of their conversation the better. 

“I might have asked Phoebe to come…but seriously where should we go?” Elijah asked.

“Maybe Aurora has a suggestion?”

Aurora turned around to face the group, each person returned a friendly smile…except for Jackie who gave her a dismissive once-over. 

“We’re unsure about where to go eat, which sounds better: Chinese, Indian, or Italian?” Sienna asked.

Aurora breathed a sigh of relief as she finally opened her locker. “Beats me” she answered.

Jackie laughed and shook her head. “Figures”. 

“Excuse me?” Aurora turned towards Jackie as she slipped her coat on and wrapped her scarf. 

“I figured you wouldn’t have an opinion since you don’t get out much”. 

Sienna elbowed Jackie and shot her look while Elijah and Bryce awkwardly looked away. 

“I do get out” Aurora replied coldly. “I was at Donahue’s with everyone that one time”.

“Yeah, and I heard you were sitting at the bar alone looking through apartment listings”. 

Aurora rolled her eyes and proceeded to leave. “Whatever Jackie” she called over her shoulder. 

As she walked down the hallway towards the exit, Aurora began to think about what Jackie said. Okay, she was right, she didn’t get out as much as she wanted to. A small part of her wanted to be a part of the friend group that Sienna, Bryce, and Elijah formed with Casey Valentine. However, she kept her distance because of trust issues. Usually, her colleagues only befriended her so they could be on her aunt’s good side. To protect herself, she built a wall and put on a cold, aloof personality. Unfortunately, all that did was push people away. 

A cold gust of wind greeted her once she stepped outside and Aurora shivered as she began walking down the sidewalk. 

“You know what screw it…I will find something to do tonight” Aurora said and pulled out her phone. 

  “Come on, tell me what happened?”

Duke Oakley lowered his glass and raised an eyebrow at his friend. “Three words Garret, Attorney. Client. Privilege”.

Garret Redmond sighed and took a sip of his scotch. “Well, I find it interesting that Rhodes turns up dead and a few other things…”.

“Look, all I’m going to say is the hearing is on Friday,” Duke said.

“Hm, well hopefully, all of this crap blows over”.

Duke tapped his fingers on the side of his glass as he thought back to the text he received from Dorian Delacroix. 

“Anyway, what happened to you the other night?”

“I was in a car accident,” Duke said as he rubbed his shoulder. 

Garret raised an eyebrow at him as he took another drink. “What happened?”

“I hardly remember, I know I called a Dryve and then I saw some headlights” Duke shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. 

“Well, at least you’re okay”.

Duke shook his head and tossed back his whiskey. “True”.   

Garret pulled out his phone and to check the time and shortly put it away. “I have an early flight tomorrow, AgraCorp is looking into some property in Gracetown”.

“Thanks for the drinks man,” Duke said.

“No problem, but next time I’m in town we should hit up Fenway–Kenmore with Luca”. 

“Sure if you’re buying”.

Garret laughed and pointed at him as he exited the bar. “Ha! We’ll see about that”. 

  “Alright, here you are…The Rusty Mallard”. 

Aurora glanced out the window and took in the rustic appearance of the bar. “Thanks,” she said and stepped out of the car. 

While the snowflakes fell around her, Aurora took in her surroundings and noticed she was in Rivermont, one of Boston’s oldest neighborhoods. 

Once Aurora entered the bar, her eyes landed on an empty seat at the bar. As she walked towards the bar, she tripped and bumped into someone’s chair. “Oh, sorry,” she said quickly. 

“No worries”.

Aurora froze, it was the man from the hospital. “It’s you…the Stepback Three fan”.

The man flashed a pearly white grin as he briefly looked down at the table and back up at her. “Guilty,” he said. 

Aurora smiled and briefly looked away from him. The hue of the lights cast an alluring look on his face.

“What brings you here?”

Aurora looked over at the empty seat, which was now occupied. “Oh…I was just in the neighborhood” she said. 

“Care to join me?” The man gestured to the seat in front of him.

“Sure,” Aurora said as she took off her coat.

“Duke Oakley,” he said and extended a hand towards her. 

“Aurora Emery” Aurora shook his hand, his touch was soft, yet firm. 

“What are you drinking?”

“Water” Aurora answered as she settled into her seat. “On second thought, I’ll have a scotch neat”.

Duke shook his head as he collected the empty glasses on the table and walked over to the bar. Aurora bit her lip; the long sleeve shirt he had on revealed a v-shaped back and his pants outlined a firm butt and sculpted thighs. 

Within minutes, Duke returned with two drinks and set them down on the table. “Here you go”. 

“Thank you,” Aurora said and took the drink he slid towards her. 

“So did you just get off work?”

Aurora sipped her drink and then looked down at her scrubs. After work, she didn’t bother to go back to her Aunt’s place and change clothes. Instead, she went to the museum and to see Chris Winter’s new movie. “Sort of,” she said. 

“Busy day?”

“You can say that, if you don’t mind, what is it that you do?”

“I am a lawyer” Duke answered and took a sip of his drink. 

“I hope you aren’t due in court in the morning…”.

Duke chuckled as he shook his head. “No, but I have some time to spare”.

Aurora smiled as she looked down at her glass and ran her fingers along the brim. Somehow, she felt the intense heat of his gaze on her and she relished in the feeling of it.

“Do you live around here?”

“No, I live near the hospital, what about you?”

“I’m over in Benbrook” Duke replied as he lifted his glass and took a slow sip.

“That’s a nice area, it’s not too far from the public garden”.

“Have you been over that way?”

“I think so…my Aunt showed me around once”.

Duke shook his head and took another sip. “Well if you want, I know of some nice places to eat, catch a show…”. 

“Tempting…” Aurora took another sip as she tried to hide her smile. 

Duke grinned as he tapped his fingers on the table. “Doctor, what will it take for you to say yes?”

Aurora turned towards him, no longer hiding her smile. “I need direct evidence of what you are telling me, counselor”. 

Duke bit his lip, a playful smile formed at the edge of his lips. “Your honor— “. 

Bzzzz bzzzzzzz Bzzzz bzzzzzzz

Both of them turned away from each other to check their phones. 

“It’s work…” Duke frowned as he looked at his screen. 

“I get it, go ahead,” Aurora said. 

Duke gave her an apologetic look before he stepped away to answer the call. Aurora used the opportunity to check the time, she didn’t want to stay too late, nor start something that would probably lead nowhere. 

  “Okay, so it’s this Friday?”. 

“Yes, the hearing is on Friday. Dorian, I want you to be there on time and make sure your wife is present". 

“I know the drill, this isn’t my first rodeo Oakley, but listen with how everything has played out…what are my chances here?”

“I’m certain this case will be dismissed; Judge Ortiz is presiding”.

“Ha! This may work out then! I meant to tell you that Mohsenin is safe, his phone cut out or something that night”. 

Duke sighed with relief and turned towards Aurora who stood up and put her coat on.

“Now the other problem you mentioned—”.

Duke quickly covered the phone and hurried back over to Aurora. “Hey, hold on, I’m almost done”.

“It’s getting late” Aurora said. 

“This will only take a minute, scout’s honor”.

Aurora gave him a friendly smile before heading towards the door. “Thanks for the drink, this court is adjourned”. 

Duke grinned as he watched her stride out of the bar. 

“Oakley?!”

“Yep, still here” Duke answered as he returned to his seat. 

  Once Aurora was outside, she paused and looked through the window. Duke sat at the table speaking to someone on the phone. Reluctantly, she turned away and walked down the sidewalk to hail an approaching taxi. 

Once she got inside and settled into the backseat the driver turned around to face her. “Where to Miss?”

“4943 Burke Street”.

“Ah, that’s near Edenbrook,” he said and proceeded in that direction. 

“Say, you wouldn’t happen to know of any interesting places in Benbrook, would you?”

“There’s a few, you need ideas for the weekend?”

Aurora smiled as she gazed out the window, the snow still falling over the city. “Yeah…I might bump into someone”. 

[thejenesaisquoigirl]

For your D&D character meme, how 'bout odds for Talise, evens for Tamsyn, and the letter C? :D

Had a feeling this revenge was coming XD *cracks knuckles* Here we go!

1) What would they consider to be their biggest failure?

Talise: Oof. Maybe not being able to save her family, or at least her sister-in-law and nephew. Maybe her (former) deep reliance on alcohol once her memories started coming back. Trauma is a motherfucker

2) What’s the story behind their name?

Tamzen: When it comes to naming characters, I really just start thinking of names that stick out. It started with “Tiernan”–from Pirate Queen–and I must have watched an episode of The Tudors with Tamsin Merchant to remember that name, too. “Tamsin” kept sounding best with the character concept and then the spelling changed to “-zen” as a subtle joke since she’s a monk haha

3) What’s their relationship with their family?

Talise: When she was Hosanna, very close. They all loved learning (though maybe different things), the people in their city, and each other. She was closest to her brother, Yanis, despite their age difference. She felt adrift without a family unit, having a ship and crew helped, and finding Yanis has upset any equilibrium she was finding. 

4) What’s one song that describes them or is them?

Tamzen: Not many peeps know this, but she was built to be the personification of the “Morgan: Amor Tristis (or Morgan - Amor Tristis on Spotify)” instrumental from the Ah! My Goddess movie. My all-time favorite instrumental and it suits her story.

5) Who is their best friend?

Talise: Expanding on the Yanis thing, he was her best friend growing up. So the years in which she thought he was dead and that she failed him were rough…but she was working towards a place of resignation…then they found him alive. It’s super weird now because yes, her brother used to be able to embarrass her; but now, it’s the first time she’s ever felt shame. Hosanna, while sharing a small flair for the dramatic, was a very different person than Talise was crafted to be. But in the party, Jax is the closest to a best friend, no contest. 

6) Why are they their class?

Tamzen: She ran away from the city after her heartbreak and stumbled across a traveling group of mousefolk. Most of them were monks but since she stayed with the leader and his wife (the only ones with stuff able to house a larger humanoid), they were the ones who taught her as a way to find calm and take back a sense of control. 

7) What do they think of their party members?

Talise: She feels distinct lines in the sand. At first, they seemed only about their sleeping habits (there was no other way the rooming arrangements could have shaken out and everyone live). But now, it feels very much like two separate factions working together. Separately: Q- she’s terrified of everything she does being in that book, and she has a hard time wrestling with his innocent naiveté when it reminds her of who she used to be. Briony- Not used to being around women in a strictly friendship sense, but is happy for her presence so Q has someone of a similar maturity. Braxton- He’s rarely there. Jax- They instinctually understand each other. It’s complicated but in a good way. Caspian- Like recognizes like but she feels they have different motivations behind collecting information…and it’s hard for her to move beyond a betrayal of trust.

8) In what ways are they similar to you?

Tamzen: Extremely calm under pressure, thinks she’s never good enough to be significant to anyone enough to not leave her, thoughtful gift-giver, gives herself for others until there’s nothing left, can have an accidentally sharp sense of humor, deep well of feeling and protectiveness for those she considers “hers”

9) In what ways are they different from you?

Talise: Unashamed in the way she moves through the world, unabashedly flirtatious and teasing, confident, how she copes with things (tends to be physical indulgences), seeing trust as black and white, unafraid of confrontation or large birds

10) What do they look for in a romantic partner, if they have a romantic orientation?

Tamzen: Someone who doesn’t see her as second best or not enough. Someone she doesn’t need to take care of but who can take care of her. Tamzen has a competency kink a mile wide; so if they’re even-keeled, stronger, a better fighter, and extremely skilled in what they do…they’re definitely her type. She’s a pretty quiet person, so they need to be comfortable with silence and understand things unsaid as she’s very action-oriented. You can tell a lot about how she feels about someone based on her actions, not her words. They also need to love her son.

11) If they had a patronus or animagus form, what would it be?

Talise: Ooooooooo….idk. Maybe a panther animagus? Something that slinks around with confidence but can be very soft. Patronus would be a cat like Talis or a hippogriff like Fantôme…or a peafowl. 

12) What do they smell like?

Tamzen: Orange blossoms and vanilla, with hints of herbs that can be used medicinally (eg: lavender, tea tree, etc)

13) What is their secret skill?

Talise: Sketching/drawing. She’s intensely private about it; but has charcoal, pencils, and a sketchbook in her pack that’s rather like a diary.  

14) What is their relationship to spirituality?

Tamzen: Complicated haha. She’s a “tsuki kitsune” and I tweaked that to mean she’s a fox blessed by the goddess of love with the potential of becoming “human.” Her “parents” are the guardians of a special, unknown spot in a forest the goddess has declared sacred; there to take care of the clearing and of any creature blessed by it…and Tamzen was a fox spawned  there. Anyways, so even as a fox, she was engrained with this strong belief in the goddess and had an awareness of her presence; but then something devastating happened with the person Tamzen thought she was fated to be with–who had been the cause of her transformation. Ever since, Tamzen has had a tumultuous time with the idea of love…much less having firm faith in her goddess, because she feels betrayed. She’s slowly trying to repair her side of the relationship through making sure her friends find love; but she still thinks she’s been abandoned by someone she had absolute faith in, so she’s weary.

15) If they were to be remembered for something, what would they want to be remembered for?

Talise: NOT like what they were shouting at Hosanna. She’d like to be remembered, in general, rather than lost to lines in a book. She wants people to speak of her and the small amount of goodness she’s put into the world.

16) Why did they become an adventurer?

Tamzen: Happenstance led to her becoming a monk…and she needed additional discipline to try to silence the rage and nastiness brewing inside of her, so she joined the army. The adventuring grew from that.

17) What’s one thing about their backstory that came to you after you already started playing the campaign?

Talise: THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. One notable thing–I hadn’t even thought about her being an alcoholic (sober now) until making her playlist. For some reason, “Chandelier” kept coming up and it had to have been a sign because it’s deepened her in ways I wasn’t expecting. Also her tattoos.

18) Do you have any headcanons for them that haven’t come up in game? Or headcanons for other party members?

Tamzen: Totes! She plays the lute only for Tal or when she needs to really think through something–frequently those moments are one in the same when he’s playing outside. Her internal crisis over always being second best and slowly being resigned to it. Party members: Mama: they sometimes read together (even though Tamzen doesn’t like to read), trade skills (Mama helps her build strength and she helps Mama with flexibility), and that Mama has to spend extra time in front of a mirror before going to a fancy event to take in the fact that this is her life now and she gets to wear these pretty things and be feminine. Kerrick: that he’ll sometime have ink in his hair from running his fingers through it while copying down spells. TBD: thinks it’s hilarious how he still hasn’t had to explain his name and has a running bet with himself over it. Finn: she catches Tal speaking squeakspeak to Finn while playing and Finn just going with it and trying to learn the game through context instead.

19) Any ships with your character? If a PC or NPC, what interaction launched it?

Talise: YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE, SHIPPY MCSHIPPERSON xD. She’s the first character in a LONG time I legit ship with another PC. Whether it becomes romantic or remains platonic (it’s not just up to me or Talise), Jax is the most significant person in her life–excluding her brother. They just got each other from day one and they seem to be the only ones able to easily talk to the other, even when the subject is difficult. The canon you created about her feeling safe with Jax is 100% true; ever since Before, she has a hard time sleeping around other people but she trusts him enough to even share a bed…and he’s the only one with whom she would never be anything but truthful. At their core, they are people reinventing themselves after tragedy but don’t know if they’re doing it right. But Jax makes Talise feel it’s alright to be who she authentically is rather than acting the part she’s written for herself; and to find joy again in the things from her past. The ship’s legit launch was after their serious conversation about “equivalent exchange” in relationships (about Caspian) and has since been buoyed by all their side chats + interactions. “…are you just going to stare at me?” “Until you’re ready.”

20) What would your character consider their biggest success? Or what is your favorite success your character has had so far?

Tamzen: Tal and facing Silas again. She’s really surprised me in how she’s been able to grow to where she is now…so that’s an awesome success because it feels like there’s still more growing for her to do emotionally. But the ultimate success EVER was the gift of the hearthstone to Mama. It was canon lore created on the fly and it was so meaningful and has become a cornerstone of Tamzen’s character. 

Letter C: 

Smartest- Talise and Syl are the most booksmart; Calla is the wisest about people (followed by Talise and Tamzen); Vi is the smartest about how to use people for her advantage; Mireth is the most diplomatically savvy.Most Attractive- Tamzen is that annoying woman who looks beautiful even without makeup (#blessed) but isn’t necessarily sexy like Talise is. From there it’s Mireth (that half elf/half fae glowup), Calla (aasimar moon baby),  Lady Vi (moon elf tall, slim model build), Evi (Italian witchy woman), and then Syl (striking but not always considered beautiful).Hogwarts- Ravenclaws are Talise and Syl. Slytherins are Lady Vi and Evi. Hufflepuffs are Calla and Mireth. Gryffindor is Tamzen.