#again i am so sorry there might be delays
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Before the Billboard Hotties Tourney finale commences (and yes, it is still temporarily postponed, unfortunately) I wanted to share a few statistics on the contestants that I thought were interesting.
First, we have the countries of origin of our contestants. Of the 256 that were in the tourney, over half of them were American (additionally, 2/3 of the quarterfinalists, 3/4 of the semifinalists, and both of the finalists are from the United States.) But we also had representation from about a dozen other countries and five different continents! Maybe if there's a sequel tourney next year, we'll see more countries represented.
One of the biggest differences between this tournament and the one at our inspiration (hotvintagepoll) is...just how many people are still alive. While only a handful of the men from the vintage actor tournament are still alive, just over half of our competitors here are with us to this day, or at least the day the polls started--some are even close to centenarian status. I guess that ten-year difference in year constraints makes all the difference!
Considering that many of the contestants fall into the genre of rock or pop in some form, I thought it would be interesting to look at how many of them are in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. While it's not the be-all and end-all of music, it's one of the most iconic musical halls of fame, and we certainly have our share of icons here. Of the 256 individuals in the tournament, 157 are in the RRHOF either as solo artists or as part of their band, including brand-new inductees Lou Gramm of Foreigner and Peter Frampton. As for the 99 contestants who aren't in the club (yet,) don't worry; it doesn't mean you're inarticulate. (Bye-bye, Jann Wenner)
As for when the contestants were born, there was a clear and overwhelming majority. 157 of the 256 contestants were born in the 1940s, most likely beginning their musical careers in the 60s and 70s. Those who were 1950s-born made up the second-biggest group with just 34. There was, to my delight, still a handful of contestants who were born in the 30s or earlier, the oldest contestant being Edgard Varèse (born in 1883!) Each image next to the decade depicts the longest-surviving person from the respective age group, and as you can probably tell, the young(?) guys really killed the competition.
Stand by, everyone, for the Billboard Consolation Prizes and the finals of the Billboard Hotties Tourney!
#again i am so sorry there might be delays#all my files are on that other computer#i might be able to swing it with the laptop i'm borrowing but i'm hesitant to download anything onto this computer#billboard hotties statistics
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Evelyn's gaze is as sharp as a hawk's as she observes the suspicious man before her. But as sharp as it is, it's also equally as subtle - to the point where an ordinary person might not be able to tell she was studying them at all. Of course, Evelyn gets the impression that this man is far from ordinary...
"Don't you think that outfit you're wearing is taking things a little too far?" She greets him with a somewhat-sarcastic question - the bandages aren't exactly subtle. Still, there's a tension in the room that she's sure both parties are aware of... which is to be expected, when Evelyn still doesn't remember how she ended up in this manor at all.
Is he the culprit, or is he another victim? That's the first thing this "Faro Lady" needs to figure out.
"...Hmm, I suppose that was rather rude of me. Please accept my apologies... and let me ask another question instead. Who might you be?"
@kllsworn ( starter! )
#ic#kllsworn#v. mainverse.#c. evelyn.#ahhhhhhh i hope this works!! v excited to write with you; tysm for liking my starter call! <3#and this reminded me i still owe you a frederick starter from way back... i am so sorry for the ridiculous delay ;~~;#i'll get on that next if you're still interested in it; but!#i thought something set in the stageplay rules/supernatural manor verse might be fun here. since aod has had an idv crossover and all; lol#anyway if you want any changes lmk; etc. it's no trouble at all; & ty again for your patience! ;w;
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🎶✨when u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to, publicly. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (positivity is cool)🎶✨
(ask originally from July 13th 2022, sorry about that, a yay for better late than never I guess)
「硝子の糸」 ([Garasu no Ito], "String of Glass") by くゆり [kuyuri],
「凛火」 [Rinka] by Low
「殲琴・ダウルダヴラ」 ([Senkin・Daurdabla], "War Harp・Dur da Blá") by Carol Malus Dienheim, as voiced by 水瀬いのり[Minase Inori]
「黄金の器 銀の器」 ([Ougon no Utsuwa Gin no Utsuwa], "Bowl of Gold, Bowl of Silver") by 高田さとみ [Takada Satomi]
「悲しみFOREVER」 [Kanashimi FOREVER] by Sugarcream幻想
#this was fully filled out so I am not sure why I didn't post it#I probably couldn't decide whether I was too anxious to honor the instructions to send it on#I am still not sure about that#but I might as well post it I guess#asks#thanks Em^^#and again sorry for the delay
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The bookmark tag was #holder until i think of a tag for these asks but To Be Real even I forgot what it was...
BUT YEAH thanks so much for reading and I'm glad it's :] Intelligible At Least :] obviously I would be up for reading anything that came to mind after putting you and your followers through All That but understandable... A lot of people I've shown the checklist items or pointed out specific behaviors to have actually said similar [i.e. I'm In This Picture And I Don't Like It], so I totally get what you mean, too!
I think a lot of my picks wound up being generalized trauma responses/aftereffects of abuse or neglect [hence I meandered off into just talking about Jo's father half the time], so I guess it's to be expected a lot of them don't read as being CSA-specific or are broadly relatable; it's not like he's supposed to be read that way, after all. I just wasn't able to zero in on many of the more specific ones because I've Never Seen Jo In This Situation Chief I Don't Know What He Thinks About His Name Or His Body Or Mirrors Or Sex Or Affection I Don't Know How Well Or Poorly He Sleeps [Presumably Poorly Though He Has The Second-Reddest Eyes In The Whole Game]
I don't really think I'll have anything to add though unless Infinite Wealth goes off the rails or I actually continue reading the book... so that will have to do... I originally was just riffing on RGGJo's attachment issues, self-destructiveness, and specific entwinement of sexuality/aggression/romance, and his portrayal in my fic lined up pretty closely, so I thought it'd be interesting to apply the same lens to Y7Jo...
But Yeah x2 thank you for the opportunity to talk about it and I'm Glad It's Intelligible At Least x2
THANK YOU i really should change that tag to something better... <- i will immediately forget to do so like a jackass
BUT YA OF COURSE OF COURSE i was truthful when i said it was a real good read (but once again. i have -5 speech skills so i can't properly word SHIT) and was a thorough examination of jo's trauma and how it manifests in him and how it's exhibited through his actions. ALWAYS a big fan of that :)
#snap chats#IN REGARDS TO Jo In Situations that is. VAGUELY my specialty#ive at least thought of jo's attitudes towards affection/relationships#and i Do Not Think he sleeps AS adequately as he should whether it's due to just. Overworking or#If I May Dare To Think he might be prone to night terrors#the Danger Zone of me thinking of Jo In Situations that dont have a lot of background is that i end up projecting a LOT of my issues LMAO#i dont know what it says about me when a lot of those issues seem to fit him#i do try my best NOT to over project of course i try to keep everyone relatively in the bounds of believability to their charas#which is why its funny when i do end up doin a lil projection it works out. Apparently#not sure i could do the same when it comes to jo's POV on his name and body tho. i hate those things bout myself for uh#VERY different reasons LMAOO tho i could imagine jo harboring some feelings of. hm. whats the word.#not Total Disgust But Some and Some Agitation whenever he has to acknowledge he exists outside of being a tool. To Put It Bluntly#cause we know he sees himself as a tool in some aspects- a bullet more specifically. so i can imagine instances where he has to Be A Human#its just. Ew Whats That LMAO YK WHAT I MEAN i do. i know what i mean. mirrors are evil#SORRY IM RAMBLING i shouldnt be.. i got gameritis <- i fucked up my wrists playing sonic riders somehow and it hurts to move#point is i very much enjoy thinking of jo and i enjoy looking at him through a multitude of lenses so AGAIN#thank you much for writing in :] im sorry i have three jewel beetles and a cicada shell for a brain#i am always interested in reading what you have to say tho... cant stress that enough..#truly curious for how jo will be in infinite wealth now that he Doesnt have to be a bullet anymore. what are you like my guy.. lemme see..#now pardon me while i fuck up my wrists more. i do not want to do my job today (i will soon im just delaying the inevitable. as a treat)
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CH3 [140K WORDS] UPDATE + A LESSON
Hi guys! sorry for the delay there was a reason for it
I fucked up my files and lost all the work I did over the few months for the chapter 2 rewrite...like all of it, im really bummed out about it. and like an idiot ive been playtesting the wrong, unfinished outdated chapter 2 lol
im ngl I did have a pretty long cry earlier which is why I took a while...and im crying now writing this lol
I know it's a wip and these things happen but I worked really hard on 200k+ words of chapter 2 to see it improved and to see it all gone and fucked up really really sucks. I value infamous really highly and am pretty hard on myself so when I dont feel like I deliver what I want to deliver it's really hard for me to move on from that. I was really excited to have this all out at once and now I feel completely disheartened. I know I just have to pick myself up and just get back to work and rewrite chapter 2 but right now im just really upset
anyway, sorry to kill the mood this is probably the worst vibe killer ever lmao I hope everyone is excited! I said I was going to release chapter 3 for band tier and thats what im doing. You'll play the prologue + chapter 1 but will have to input some variable stuff for chapter 3. I hope having chapter 3 can make up for the loss of chapter 2
Chapter 3 is 140K words.
What to expect:
perform the first week and see the outcome
quality time with ROs
drama
angst
there is an explicit scene with an RO (it's skippable) so be mindful of that !
forgot to mention that I am completely rehauling the stats (again) as well due to the new flavor text options in chapter 1 because I feel like the stats still dont encompass the broad range now that there's different canonical types of MCs but yeah not like it matters rn since you'll just input it in aha!
I find chapter 3 to be the most lighthearted of all chapters for me so I hope you guys like it. if there's any inconsistencies (there might be due to lack of chapter 2 context or whatnot), errors, passages missing etc etc.
ill be around to fix any bugs and stuff but I think im going to take a day or two to refresh because im really fucking sad lol
hope you guys enjoy it!
available for band tier
#update#authors note#forgot to add that the lesson part is me#being the lesson to fellow writers to back up your stuff lol#yeah :(
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Nanami Kento
⊹ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 ⊹ : Husband!Nanami x wife fem!reader - explicit content; minors DNI - pwp (porn with plot) - kitchen sex - room sex - breeding kink - mating press position - doggy style - overstimulation - praising kink - [un]protected sex - multiple orgasms - pet names (darling, baby) - creampie - (let me know if I missed any tags)
Word count: ~2.5k
Notice: heyy, first of all id like to apologize for the extra long delay, I was extremely busy and my birthday came up. Sorry about that !! I'll try to upload something tomorrow to compensate but I might be a tad offline as I'm going on vacation. I'd also like to thank you all for the support on my previous posts, I am so grateful and I appreciate it very dearly.
Enjoy!!
Nanami was the perfect husband. He catered to his wife's every need and request without any compromises. The beach house was isolated enough so you could scream and moan his name to your heart's content. And he made it his personal mission to answer all your demands, especially the ones that'd leave you a bred, fucked out, messy puddle.
He turned around, stretching out his arms to feel you, only to be met with the touch of...nothing. His brows furrowed as he opened his eyes to see you weren't in the room. He cursed lowly, before getting up still half asleep. Nanami had a lot of favorite things. waking up next to you was one of them, he'd lay right beside you, watching you peacefully sleep, syncing with your heartbeat before, against his will but for a good reason, leaving the bed to make you breakfast. Needless to say, he was in total infatuation with you, his eyes never left you, his gaze was stuck on your figure, admiring you. He could never get enough, enough of kissing you, enough of cuddling you, enough of fucking you, he had you in the palm of his hand but still, he wanted more, he needed more.
He wandered around the house stumbling into different rooms, looking for you, in the bathroom, the balcony.
You dipped your hands in the dough, folding in the flour, once the dough was good enough you separated it into square shaped molds, and put the batch in the oven. You leaned on the counter, admiring the sunrise through the kitchen window. The view was beautiful. Kento had picked the resort. A beach house with a nice patio. The sound of the waves woke you up and rocked you to sleep. It was like a dream come true.
"Why'd you leave me?"
You removed your headphones and turned around to see Ken wrapping his hands around your waist then laying over your back.
"Hi Ken, I wanted to let you sleep"
"Can't sleep when you're not in my arms baby, what are you doing down so early?" He questioned, nuzzling you.
You turned around to hold him in your arms, he looked up to you. His eyes could make you melt. You read right through them. Arousal adorned his face.
Maybe this apron was doing something to him, he clung onto you for dear life.
"I didn't know you couldn't sleep without me darling, I'm making homemade bread, I thought you'd like some for breakfast. You can go back to bed if u want, I'll wake you up when breakfast is ready"
His head rested upon your shoulder
"Mhm no, for breakfast I want you, right here on the counter" he mumbled
You blinked in surprise, squeezing your thighs together.
"I thought you wouldn't be able to after last night..." you laughed.
Since you had gotten on your honeymoon you had sex all the time. All, The, Time. He loved sliding his face between your thighs, while you relaxed on the deck, the way your thighs tried going against his arms only to be spread further apart. He loved the way you'd stumble when walking right after. He loved carrying you to the room when you expected it the least just to absolutely defile you. He loved the way your pussy swallowed him whole. The sound of your voice pleading for release, over and over again. You had absolutely no idea if your body could take it, just the thought of it made your legs wobble but your pussy was hungry and wet.
"Seeing you, like this, in the kitchen so early, bothering yourself, for me. How peaceful you looked... I just' want you so bad"
Hungry. Hungry would be the best word to describe how his voice sounded. His hands roamed around your hips with lust, then slipped under the dress your apron covered to rub your panties. A wicked smile spread across his face "already wet for me ?" He asked, his thumb, sliding up and down the wet fabric. "Always am for you..." You answered, tracing circles on his shoulder.
"Oh yeah? well, let's see exactly how ready you are yeah ?" His fingers went around your panties, slowly rubbing around your dripping cunt. You tried concentrating on your breath, to forget how greedy your body was, how greedy you were whenever it came to him.
How greedy you were, slowly rolling your hips on his fingers. Of course it amused him "Let's take things further, shall we ?"
You moaned into your dress sleeve, tears slipping out of your puffy eyes. He was digging into you, his hands tightly gripping your hips.
The morning air barely had the time to set, your moans were already covering the bird's chirping. You held onto the counter for dear life, while he was giving you the meanest thrusts ever.
"Missed you so much...too much—"
He groaned. It was as if his entire body went in a trance as soon as you captured his cock, nothing else mattered, fucking you nice and dumb was his only goal.
On the other hand your body was addicted to him. He had you in all your states as soon as his eyes were laid on you. No matter the time the place, he'd barely touch you, yet. And you could already feel yourself throbbing, pulsating at the idea of his thick cock stretching you like his personal fuck doll. Oh that idea had you drooling. Since you got married those ideas were daily. Morning sex was pretty much mandatory, lunch was cock warming, afternoons were spent fooling around naked around the house, evenings were spent cuddling which is perhaps the only wholesome activity you had, and nights, well nights were dragged with filth. He made sure to pick a pretty isolated location so you could scream his name all you wanted. Just walking around the house had you reminiscing about the sex-session you had at those exact spots. And he always made sure you remembered. Always made it his mission to remind you how good you felt getting fucked under the shower. How well you swallowed his cum on the couch. How pretty the sunset was when he fucked you on the sliding glass window. You'd think you wouldn't be able to walk, well that wasn't too far from the truth but still, yes still your body could not go seconds without him, he animated all your thoughts. It'd be a lie to say you hadn't wished for him taking you over the counter like he currently was.
Your voice served as praising to him, he loved and thrived in listening to your broken voice, mewling out his name, repeatedly. He, more than anything else, absolutely adored the fact that he was the one provoking such reactions in you. Whatever you did got him hard, the tanning lines your bikini made on your body were his favourite, he nearly fucked the consciousness out of you that afternoon.
Today might not be a 'nearly', but rather a definitely. Seeing you in an apron ? Baking his favourite bread, for him ? Oh he went feral. And even that was an understatement.
"Always so tight for me, baby"
He groaned burying his cock, deep into your hole. It felt euphoric, each thrust made your mind slip away, each thrust nearly made him cum. Your body craved him, you craved him. And he knew just exactly how to satisfy your hunger.
His hips were bouncing you on the cold countertop, while you desperately languished for release "wouldn't be funny though if I didn't torture my favourite spot right ?" He whispered
You were perfectly fucked out of your mind, to the point where you didn't mind or have the strength to realize his hand pulling you up close to him, but enough so you were able to plead his name for release when his thumb went abusing your tired swollen bud. Sending butterflies right to your lower stomach.
His thrust might have slowed but the motions on your clit had just amplified, he used one of his arms to keep you close to him, wrapping it around your chest, keeping you in place. Your legs could barely keep you up on the floor, actually they couldn't you'd probably collapse if he wasn't holding you right now. "Make a mess baby I know you want to" he whispered into your ear, his voice guiding you as you came, frantically whining in hopes to release your high. " 'm not done with you sweetheart just relax, you're alright, just keep... creaming all around my cock... atta girl" he praised, his voice soothing you.
You shivered as his length retired from your pulsating hole, not for long though.
You were against the wall, as his cock teased your starved hole. How cruel he was..
"Please Ken...want more..need more of you"
He pressed his tip on you. "You need more ? I have vowed to satisfy all my wife's needs." His length slowly disappeared in you. "I guess if you need it...I could be nice and give it to you."
He was obviously torturing you, slowly agonizingly you and you were slowly losing your mind.
"Ken...breed me. Please."
You had been meaning to express this wish to him for a while now. Now seemed like the right time or was it? Too bad screenshoting faces is impossible because his was absolutely immaculate. And so was the shock on your face when he rammed into you with what felt like all his strength. Your arms immediately wrapped around his shoulder for support, while your screams and moans, paired with the squelching sound your pussy was airing. Absolutely filth. "Want me...to plant my seed in you baby ? Oh your wishes are my orders" he laughed, using one arm to keep your leg up.
You were totally impaled on his cock, the tip of his dick nuzzling your cervix. "Come for me baby, come on. Cream my thick cock one more time and I'll make it my pleasure to breed that pretty pussy of yours." True. Your brain didn't register a single word he uttered, but your body knew, oh it knew exactly what it wanted. His words worked like a charm, you simply managed to cry out a faint squeal to warn him. The knot in your stomach snapped, your shivers synced with your throbbing, jolting while your pussy covered him. The white sticky substance running down your thigh. He groaned in the crook of your neck, his hand caressing your lower back.
"Atta girl"
The idea of breeding you aroused him to lengths, The way your breath would hitch with every kiss he dropped, working his way up your thighs to plant another one on your wetness. Collecting all your spilled filth on the way. "So soft" he muttered against your skin, his hot breath fanning against your sensitive bud.
"Don't tease Kento... please" you breathed, your eyes scanning his moves. His fingers digging in your thighs. His eyes locked on the slick covering your pussy. The precum leaking from his tip. "Mhm, am not teasing, just making sure this pussy's ready to take my cum...looks like she is, perfectly wet for me."
His arms pushed your thighs up, until they pressed against your chest. The mating press. giving him the perfect angle on your puffy pussy. Your body didn't even have the strength to move, you were all limp in his hold.
He looked like he'd go crazy any second from now. His tip pressed against your slit, he hadn't even started and you were already throbbing, silently pleading to feel him.
He obviously, obliged, trusting his cock to let his tip meet your cervix. You felt overwhelmed all over, his mouth met yours, he was softly kissing you, contrasting with his ruthlessness down there. His tongue caught yours, muffling your screams. Somehow he was hitting all the right spots, you could burn over right now, it felt too good, entirely too good, the veins decorating his cock rubbed and messed with your walls, with each of his vigorous thrust. His tip directly kissed your insides like never before, his hand lightly pressed on your lower stomach, pushing and pushing you over and over again off the edge, like a game. His favorite one. Watching pleasure beat you so easily.
You throbbed around him for dear life, blabbering nonsense about how you "can't take more" and how he "mustn't stop" of course accompanied by your usual dose of "please"
His thrusts went with you, slowing down to let you breath as you recovered from your high then his pace slowly resumed. You pulled his hand back and forth, instructing him on the pace he should use. Until you couldn't anymore. You threw your head back, calling him, desperately, repeatedly. And he answered like he always did "I know baby, I'm here, I know"
"feels good huh?"
"You deserve all this pleasure darling, just, for, you"
"Just let me breed you, just like you need it"
Your moans were solely a soundtrack behind the filthy sound his skin slapping yours made. He lost his rhythm, frantically pounding you, his hips shuddered and he thrust one more time, grunting your name, again and again. Your shaky hands played with his hair. His hips stayed close to yours. His chest slowly rising up and down. But his eyes didn't leave your hole, he dragged himself out, a trail of white liquid leaking onto the bed.
Your chest hovered up and down, while you quietly squirmed at the feeling.
Almost immediately, his tip came back. Filling you. Once more.
Your knees clutched together, at this point you didn't even know if you could come anymore. Drained was how you felt, your brain didn't register any more information, just the overbearing pleasure that was messing with your ability to think, speak and act.
Exactly how he loved seeing you. Brainlessly hung up on his cock, drunk of his cum, fully submitted to him. He grew harder and harder each time you screamed his name with your whiny broken voice. He couldn't get enough, he needed more.
"Kento..K-Kento! Kento—?" you whined breathlessly.
"...Need to taste you...just some more—" he struggled to say. His breathe fanned against your neck, his hips didn't take a single break relentlessly fucking you brainless.
"I'm gonna breed— you darling, 'm gonna breed you all night everyday, am sure you'll love it" he purred in your ear.
You could feel him, feel every single inch of him. Each and every drop of cum he pumped into you had your brain swinging. His arms wrapped you nice and tight until he was done. Done breeding you. Finally satisfying the ravaging hunger that burned through you.
After that everything else was pretty much a blur. You passed out in his arms, woke up around noon, had brunch, slept again. When you, actually, woke up you were nuzzled up on his chest on the patio. The sun had already began setting, the shore was beautiful, so was he.
His gaze lingered on the beach
"You're awake ?"
You nodded at him, your throat was dry and hurting. "A-ahh how long did I sleep for ?" You were taken aback by your hoarse broken voice. He smiled softly, gently caressing your cheek. "you slept pretty much all afternoon, you must be starving though. I made dinner."
You sighed. Closing your eyes to let the coastal air run along your skin. You both stayed silent like that for a moment, just enjoying each other's company. "Kento?"
He hummed, his eyebrow perking up "yes darling?"
"You'll make a wonderful Dad."
Thank you for reading!! Hope u enjoyed ♡♡
I'd like to add I'm currently writing a fanfiction which will be posted on my AO3 account, so uploads might take a while
And again sorry for the delay ಥ_ಥ
#nanami kento#jjk x reader smut#nanami smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk nanami#18+ mdni#kento x reader#nanami x reader#nanami x you#smut
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I. AM. IN. LOVE. WITH. YOU. CAT.
I desperately need, very VERY recently divorced!Art seeing college student!reader in a bar and hooking up, but the next day Art goes out to the store or something, (i.e McDonalds w Lily) and seeing you behind the counter. He asks you when your shift is over so he can pick you up and fuck you in the back of his jeep saying that he’ll sugar daddy you, and that you won’t ever have to work a shitty minimum wage job again, and that he can’t help wanting to help you because you’re so young and naive and pathetic. DROOLING!
Also can I be anon: 🐙
GOD !!!!! And yes 🐙 anon welcome!!!! I misread this ask and wrote something so off base so I had to start over!! Sorry for the delay!!
He never goes to the bar anymore, but he doesn’t have Lily for the night since she’s at a sleepover, and he hates being in the empty house, so he goes out. He doesn’t expect any attention at all— he’s barely even gotten laid since before the divorce— but there you are. Young, hot, doting, desperate for male attention.
You don’t know who he is, which is fine. He relishes in the anonymity. It’s sweet, how bad you want to fuck him just because he’s hot and nice and bought you a drink. Not because you want his money, or a brush with fame and influence.
He fucks you in the bathroom, with his fingers pushed between your lips to stifle your constant stream of whiny moans. God, you’re loud. You gasp and moan like you’ve never been fucked before. Or, at least, like you’ve never been fucked well. You drench his cock in arousal, leave a sticky ring of creamy release at his base that you clean off with your tongue as he comes down your throat.
He’ll never see you again. That’s fine. He’s divorced at 32, he’s young, he’s attractive, he’s rich— he needs to learn to have casual hookups.
But then you’re at the mall while he takes Lily out to buy a new Lego set (a reward for good grades). You’re behind a counter in a citrus colored apron blending smoothies. Lily wants pineapple mango. He orders strawberry banana. You write your number and a heart on his cup. He slides a fifty dollar bill across the counter as a tip and asks what time your shift ends.
He hires a sitter.
When he picks you up from the mall, you smell like fruit and faintly like the pretzel stand nearby. You’re mortified that the hot guy from the bar found you at your shitty minimum wage job.
“Art,” he corrects. Introduces. “And I’m glad I found you.”
You don’t even know who he is, still, even now. You’re bouncing on his cock in the backseat of his jeep, with sponsorship contracts crumpled on the floor, and magazine ad proofs with his face plastered across them on the floor, and you don’t even notice.
He could make all of your worries disappear. As easy as he makes you come around him, as easy as it is to make your eyes roll back and your jaw slacken. And it’s easy. You’re easy. He could make it so you never have to work again, as long as he wants you. Pay your tuition, pay your rent, pay whatever you want, to keep your sweet pussy in his life.
He might just offer it.
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3:56 am - Katsuki bakugou
domestic fluff + pregnancy
Bakugou would give anything right now to switch quirks with someone and be able to teleport home. He feared he might explode if he spent one more moment in this car.The thirty five minute drive from the airport was starting to feel like an eternity and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could stand it. He knew he was in for a headache when his connecting flight got delayed, getting him home hours after he had planned on arriving. Glancing out kirishimas passenger window he started counting down the seconds till he could see you. He hated when missions took him away from home but this one was extremely difficult, considering you could go into labor any day now. He had felt like a maniac the whole trip, constantly calling to make sure you weren’t at the hospital moments away from giving birth.
Opening his eyes he was about to ask how much fucking longer when the car pulled into the neighborhood and two seconds later Kirishima was pulling into y’all’s driveway. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever been happier to see the home the two of you shared. “Fuck it’s good to be home”, he mumbled, stretching out his limbs before sitting up. “Thanks for picking me up”, leaning back he grabbed his luggage, hauling it over before opening the door.
“Yeah of course man tell y/n I said hi”
“Will do”, closing the passenger door he gave him a wave before heading up the driveway. Selfishly he was hoping you were still awake, so he could at least sneak in a kiss and an ‘I missed you’, before drifting off to sleep. But he also knew you’ve been struggling with sleeping lately so he was hoping you at least were getting some rest.
Opening the front door he smiled at all the packages littered in the foyer, boxes that he assumed were filled with baby stuff. He kicked his shoes off before making his way up the stairs to your bedroom. Opening the door he smiled when he saw your sleeping figure curled up in the bed. Setting his bag down he made his way over to you, kneeling down in front of you to press a kiss to your forehead before moving his attention to your belly. “I missed our little chats buddy”, he still was baffled at how much he missed talking to his unborn child. “I’m back though, I had to go out of town for work but that’s the last trip for a while so I definitely won’t miss you being born”
“Thank god”, you mumbled, slightly startling him.
“Fuck I didn’t know you were awake”
“I’ve been in and out of sleep for the past hour”, sitting up slightly you gave him a tired smile. “How was your flight?”
“Awful”, leaning forward he pressed his lips against yours, “just glad to be home”
“Glad to have you home”, wrapping your arms around his neck you littered a few kisses on his cheek. “It always sucks when you’re gone but this time just really fucking sucked”
“I’m sorry”, he mumbled as he started kissing you again, “not leaving on a mission like that again anytime soon”
“Good or I’d have to make a phone call”, you said with barely any bite in your words.
Chuckling, he stood up, pulling off his clothes to get ready to hop in the shower, “how terrifying”
“I know right”, standing up, you followed him into the bathroom, sitting on the toilet while he got in the shower.
“Go to sleep I’ll be in bed in a minute”, he said over his shoulder as he stepped under the hot water.
“I wanna hear about your trip”, the sleep that laced your voice caused him to smile.
“Well you’ll get a kick out of this but apparently icy hots dating someone”
Gasping, you pulled the shower curtain back a little bit, mouth wide open. “No way”
“Yup, deku was filling me in on the plane ride there”, he wasn’t sure when he started pocketing away stuff that was going on in his friends lives so that he could fill you in on the gossip but he wasn’t mad about it.
“So he’s keeping it quiet I’m assuming”
“Mhm only the nerd knows”
“Cause he snooped?”
“Yup”
“Well now I have to invite shouto over for dinner”
“What? Like he’s gonna tell you?”
“Everyone eventually caves and tells me”, he couldn’t even argue with that statement.
“But the trip itself was fine just standard shit”, turning the water off he stepped out, grabbing a towel to wrap around his waist.
“Well I missed you”, smiling down at you he leaned in to press a kiss to your forehead.
“I know I missed you too”, resting his hand on your belly he gave you a tired but genuine smile. “Let’s get you in bed though”
“Me? You’re the one that’s been traveling all day”, you said, standing up to follow him into your bedroom.
“But you’re growing a baby which I assume is a little more exhausting”
“Can’t argue with that but let’s just say we’re both tired”, you said with a yawn before laying down on your side of the bed.
After quickly throwing his boxers on he climbed into bed with you, wrapping his arms around you. “Wanna grab breakfast in the morning?”, he asked softly, a volume of his voice only you got to hear.
“Of course I do”, smiling you pressed a kiss to his cheek, “I’m so glad he waited till you got home”
“Me fucking too”
Letting out a sigh of contentment you closed your eyes, finally being able to let yourself sleep.
#katsuki bakugo x reader#bakugo x reader#bakugou katsuki x you#bakugou scenarios#katsuki x y/n#bakugou headcanons#bakugou imagine#bnha bakugou#bakugou x reader#katsuki bakugo#bakugou katsuki#mha bakugou#bakugou smut#bakugou fluff#bakugou katuski x reader#bnha bakugo katsuki#katsuki x you#bnha katsuki#katsuki x reader#katsuki smut#katsuki bakugo mha#mha fluff#mha scenarios#mha x you#mha x reader#mha imagines#mha fanfic#mha
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ᡣ𐭩 ICARIAN
FEATURING: beast dazai osamu
SUMMARY: dazai had known he was flying too close to the sun, he should have stopped himself while he still had the chance. {wordcount: 11.5k; fem!reader, romance & tragedy}
AUTHOR'S NOTES: installment fiveeeee otherwise known as part 2 of installment four LOL! ugh guys i'm dragging myself thru the trenches right now i'm so miserable - i wasn't even up to posting this today i won't lie but </3 i pulled thru </3 if only barely. fun fact this is actually only a 3 scene chapter but the second scene is just MASSIVE. i wasn't up to restructuring so you guys are just going to get it as it is. this is also unedited because i just wasn't up to it so bear with me regarding mistakes. JUST TO REMIND YOU ALL: the last installment is DELAYED - i have 3 finals next week and haven't had the time to finish it. it will be up by the end of may </3 sorry guys. wow this actually is attempt number three trying to post this correctly - i'm so shot
IMPORTANT NOTE FOR 17 & UNDER FOLLOWING THE SERIES: partially copy and pasted from badlands - if you guys read badlands, you know the deal. y'all knew what you were getting into. this is the smut chapter. but again, i'm not going to ask y'all to not interact/read a whole 12k chapter just because there's 4k words of smut, but i am going to say here the smut is in the SECOND scene. there is very little plot development in the smut itself, so i ask you guys, again, to respectfully scroll past it. i'll make the sentence when the smut starts red like this so you know that's when it starts, and then you can continue reading at the next divider. thank you for understanding! there is NO plot development in the smut, i'll reiterate that at the end where i put the summary in badlands, i restructured to make sure none of it was in it.
SMUT WARNINGS: unprotected sex, dazai cries </3 poor baby, sub!dazai, as always pussy drunk!dazai, bit of overstim on dazai's part too, jfhsuhdfsu i will say it starts on the bathroom floor so that might be a bit gross to some of you but dazai hardly even uses his apartment anyway so trust it's clean. bear with me. it just flowed from there i had to go with it. the story writes itself, i'm only the scribe. LOL let me know if i missed anything, i might have
SEE: UNREAL UNEARTH SERIES MASTERLIST READ: BADLANDS SIDE A
Dazai is hardly listening to the conversation at hand. They’ve been going back and forth for thirty minutes about inconsequential matters. Tolstoy is getting increasingly heated as he goes tit-for-tat with Nabokov, evidently the tripartite alliance between the Russian mafias is not quite enough to quell all of the bad blood that’s simmered between them, but something about the situation isn’t sitting right to Dazai. He can feel it in his gut, swirling in the depths of his chest—something is wrong but he doesn’t know what.
Mishima looks equally put out, gaze trained on Tolstoy and Nabokov’s conversation, occasionally looking back at his executives. Cao seems bored, head tilted back against the red cushions of the round booth as he smokes a cigarette; in all regards, he seems relaxed, but Dazai notices the way the fingers of his free hand are tense on the table, as if he’s bracing himself for something.
Something isn’t right.
Dostoevsky is cunning. Intelligent. He’s been lethally sharp in every universe that the other Dazais have encountered him in. He wouldn’t send Tolstoy and Nabokov into this meeting with them at each other’s throats like this without an ulterior reason. Dazai is missing something critical; he knows it’s not something as simple as wanting to give off the appearance of a divided front as means to get Dazai and Mishima to lower their guard. Nothing is that easy. There’s some ulterior motive that Dazai has to figure out.
Cao’s presence. Tolstoy and Nabokov’s blatant hostility toward one another. Mishima’s words from earlier, warning him that something seems to be brewing, that Tolstoy and Nabokov had been on edge since he arrived at the event hall. Dazai’s head hurts, and he can’t focus, not when you’re in the other room without him.
Already, he feels as if he’s been separated from you for too long, he’d been hoping this meeting was only going to last thirty minutes at most, and it’s been thirty minutes already and hardly any progress has been made. If Dazai didn’t know any better, he’d think that…
He’d think that Tolstoy and Nabokov were stalling.
At once, Dazai starts catching onto the things that he missed. The way Nabokov keeps glancing up at the clock on the wall above Cao. The way Tolstoy’s gaze keeps flickering to his phone. The way Cao’s attention seems to be elsewhere.
Cao Xueqin. A Dream of Red Mansions. A scrying ability.
His heartbeat slows and Dazai blinks. Once. Twice. Blood roars in his ears as his gaze twists down to where his phone is laying on the table in front of him, on its face. Tachihara should have texted him to let him know that he got to you. Him or Chuuya. He usually reports to Chuuya anyway, so Dazai figured that Chuuya would’ve gotten the confirmation. He turns his head to the side to look at the executive from the corner of his eye, trying to keep his breath as slow and steady and natural as possible when he realizes that Chuuya is frowning with furrowed brows, looking at his phone. Unsure.
Dazia reaches for his own phone, fingers deceptively steady despite the way his insides are curdling with a sudden jolt of anxiety. His eyes zero in on the top right corner of his phone. No signal. Dazai has been to this event hall countless times in this life and dozens of others—there’s always service throughout the building.
Unless it’s being jammed, that is.
Dazai’s blood runs cold, gaze dragging from his phone to the door that leads to the hallway connecting to the event hall where you are. He feels as if he’s been doused with icy water and lit on fire all at once. For a second, he doesn’t move—he’s not sure if it’s anxiety or fear, or both, but he knows it’s because you’re out there and Dostoevsky is plotting something while trying to keep him out of the picture in this meeting.
He should have known better. Mishima had assumed that Dostoevsky wasn’t in the building—he had his three best scouts prowling the whole building trying to place the real leader of the tripartite but had failed. Nabokov had apparently told him that Dostoevsky had to stay back to handle residual business in Russia, a blatant lie, one that has had Mishima on edge all night.
The one with the overcoat. The clown.
Dazai stills as he remembers the white haired man who hung around Dostoevsky in some of the other universes. Not all of the other Dazais encountered him—in fact, Dazai thinks there were only half a dozen other universes where he met the man, he can hardly remember his name, but when he did…
Spatial linking. Of course Mishima’s men hadn’t been able to hunt down Dostoevsky. Dostoevsky would’ve predicted that the Sun and Steel would seek out the mastermind with their scouts. He used the clown to enter the building without anyone knowing after the scouts finished their hunt.
Dazai had missed a critical piece on the board.
Dazai rises to his feet abruptly, mind numb, eyes distant, and lips parted to speak but no words escape them. Tolstoy and Nabokov exchange a sharp, pointed look, pausing in their hostilities, and Dazai knows. He knows.
Dostoevsky is going after you.
He hears Chuuya and Kouyou calling after him but it sounds like a distant buzz. His throat feels clogged, his heartbeat is erratic and uncontrollable, his ears are ringing. His surroundings are blurry, a part of him doesn’t even know where he is: the event hall, your apartment, in the cafe below the Armed Detective Agency, it’s all blurring together.
This is it.
His vision swims and his head spins. The hallway seems impossibly long, much longer than it was to walk to the room. He can hear Chuuya spitting curses, scrambling out of the room, and he’s sure that his other executives and the other mafiosos aren’t far behind, but Dazai’s mind is on a single track. He doesn’t know how fast he’s moving—fast enough that Chuuya is chasing after him but can’t catch him. Something is heavy and cool in his hand—his gun—numb fingers moving to click the safety off.
This is it.
He might enter that hall and find you dead, slumped over the bar he’d last seen you sitting at, blood splattered across your face. Limp, cold. Just like you were on your bedroom floor. In the booth at the cafe. He’s pulling you from the water. He’s screaming for Yosano when he’s with the Agency. He’s screaming for Mori when he’s with the Mafia. Sometimes he’s alone, and he has no one to call for help, so all he can do is hold you and cry.
It’s his fault. He knew this would happen from the beginning. He knew that being with you would lead you to the same fate that you’ve met in every other universe because of him. He knew that being with you would be your death sentence, but he couldn’t stop himself.
His vision swims again, the red and gold patterns on the walls of the event hall are indistinct blobs, he feels someone try to grab his wrist—Chuuya, probably—but Dazai rips himself free and pushes himself into the event hall.
He ignores the eyes on him and the way people all instinctively move away from the sight of him with his gun out, he’s sure he must look deranged but he’s hardly even keeping himself grounded to this reality. Pages pile around him, every single one has variations of the same scene that’s haunted him for almost eight years written on it; one is being written before his eyes, he can see the words appearing on the blank sheet. He needs to find you before it’s complete. He has to stop it.
His eyes cut across the room, toward the bar he’d last seen you at, and you’re there. You’re there. It’s almost enough to make him scramble to put his gun away, cover up his steep spiral of paranoia even if you are looking right in his direction and see the gun in his hand. He can hardly come to terms with the consequences of this, how you’re seeing him right now, because his gaze tunnels right in on the person sitting next to you and his world comes to a halt.
He lifts the gun. He ignores as people shriek and scramble to the edges of the room. He ignores the look on your face as he moves closer to where you’re sitting with Fyodor Dostoevsky. He ignores the way Chuuya and Kouyou and Piano Man have all skid to a stop somewhere behind him, trying to figure out what to do. Dostoevsky’s hand is mere inches away from brushing against your body, it would only take the slightest movement and you would be dead. It would be a game of who’s faster: Dazai’s trigger finger or Dostoevsky’s ability. Dazai’s always been quick to pull the trigger but now, faced with your life on the line, when he should be at his best because of what’s at risk, he finds himself scared and unsteady.
He can’t lose you. He can’t watch it happen.
He paces toward you slowly, steadily, he swears each step he takes echoes across the suddenly silent event hall. He doesn’t stop until the muzzle of his gun is pressed against the back of Dostoevsky’s head.
“Stand up.” Dazai’s voice is deceptively cold and steady for the rage and fear that’s clawing at his chest, threatening to take control.
Dostoevsky turns his head to the side to look at Dazai, faint amusement in his eyes. “Are you sure you really want to do this here, Dazai?”
The mocking lilt his voice takes is almost enough alone for Dazai to pull the trigger. And if that wasn’t, the way Dostoevsky smiles at Dazai like he’s won is certainly enough to push him over the edge.
Before he can, he feels Chuuya grab his bicep hard.
“You can’t do this here,” he hisses quietly. “If you kill him now on neutral territory, we’ll have all of the mafias in the Eastern Hemisphere coming after you and the government on your ass. You can’t do this here and you can’t do it in public.”
Dazai doesn’t care. He doesn’t care how many mafias come after him for killing on neutral territory when invited as a guest. He doesn’t care that the government will come after him for such a blatant murder. All he cares about is getting Dostoevsky away from you.
“Chuuya is right,” Kouyou murmurs, low enough for only Dazai to overhear. “We can cover this up as is. If you pull the trigger, there’s no hiding what happened here. You know better than this, boy. You won’t be the only person this affects if you do this. Think of her. She will be implicated for coming here with you. Lower the gun and let us handle sweeping this under the rug.”
Dazai can’t even bring himself to look at you. He’s scared of what he might find. But he doesn’t even consider lowering the gun, not until Dostoevsky raises his hands and slips off the bar stool to step away from you. Even when he does, Dazai keeps it trained on him, still tempted to blow his head right off his shoulders.
“I meant no harm,” Dostoevsky says smoothly. “I was intrigued, wanted to know the girl who’s managed to capture your interest. I must say, I see the appeal. Beautiful and intelligent, you have quite the eye, Dazai.”
Dazai’s lips stretch into a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. It’s not kind, and it’s mildly feral, and Dazai’s pretty sure he must look entirely deranged from the way Dostoevsky’s eyes widen in a mixture of surprise and entertainment, just enough to be noticeable.
“If you ever go near her again, I’ll put a bullet through your fucking skull, Dostoevsky.”
He should do it now. He should. Fuck Chuuya and Kouyou’s warnings, he should put a bullet in his head and be done with it, move onto handling Christie so that both of the major threats to your life are gone. But he can’t. If he takes this opportunity now, if he kills Dostoevsky so blatantly on neutral territory, the Pale Flame and Three Deaths will come at him in full force, and Dazai is sure the Red Chamber won’t be far behind them with Cao’s recent interest in expanding his business into Japan. And you’ll be caught in the crossfire of all of it, Dazai has ensured that by bringing you here. Dostoevsky must have accounted for all of this. He knew that Dazai would be put in a situation where either way, whether he kills him or lets him go, he’d be throwing himself onto a blade.
Is that it? Killing you wasn’t the goal, was it? Exposing Dazai was. Forcing him into this impossible decision.
Did he really just fall into Dostoevsky’s hands so easily? Even with all of the forewarning the other universes have given him?
It’s you. You always make him reckless, his mind is never as sharp whenever you’re involved, muddled with thoughts of you, plagued with spirals of paranoia and anxiety that make him double guess himself. It’s like this in every universe—he becomes stupid, he becomes rash, he becomes careless. It’s you.
You.
Suddenly very hyper aware of your eyes on him, Dazai lowers his gun, gaze turning in your direction. Dostoevsky lets out one last snide comment, something toward you, telling you ‘don’t you see’ but Dazai doesn’t even process it, heart in his throat as he looks at you. He doesn’t know what he expects—fear, betrayal, even anger. He’s not prepared for the emptiness. He can’t read a single emotion on your face, your eyes eerily void of any feeling as you stare at him.
He says your name quietly. His voice cracks. He should be embarrassed, so many people watching the scene play out, so many of his enemies and allies and subordinates, and he’s staring at you like a lost child with an unsteady voice, but he can’t bring himself to care. The fingers of his free hand are trembling, and the ones wrapped around the grip of his gun are so wound so tight that his knuckles are white.
You’ve never looked at him like this before. Not in any universe.
He thinks he might throw up.
You’ve been mad at him before, scowling at him whenever he distracts you from your work and snarling whenever he makes messes that he never cleans up, but your eyes always stay soft in spite of the venom you spit. He’s seen betrayal on your face a few times before, screaming at him through tears when he got a bit too close to a successful attempt, cursing at him for trying to leave you, but you hold him so gently that it makes up for the harsh words. You’ve been scared of him once, when he lashed out so badly during one of his slumps that he nearly hurt you, but even then, you were more concerned for him then you were scared for yourself, speaking to him softly to settle him down.
He’s never seen this. He wants it to go away. Desperately.
“I’d like to leave,” you finally say after a few moments of silence, and your voice is so vacant of emotion that it leaves him feeling even more sick.
Dazai nods, because he can’t bring himself to speak.
He holds his hand out for you, waiting for you to take it.
You don’t.
You haven’t spoken a word since the event hall, and Dazai doesn’t know what to do. He used to find peace in silence—for years, he’d become accustomed to it, isolating himself from everyone around him, keeping everyone at arm’s length. The most he ever spoke was a few sentences to give out orders to his executives; his voice had become hoarse and raspy over the years of self-imposed isolation, unused to being utilized. But the past few months with you have utterly obliterated any semblance of comfort Dazai had found in solidarity.
It’s become entirely intolerable, the silence is making him sick with anxiety; he has hundreds of lifetimes worth of memories with you and he can’t even vaguely predict what to expect from you right now. You’ve been tense and cold since leaving the event hall. Dazai tried to open up a conversation in the car once but found himself promptly ignored. Chuuya tried to say something to you but only received the same cold shoulder. Even Albatross tried to lighten the mood when the four of you got in the car, but all you did was stare out the window with your back to Dazai.
Now, you’re back up in his penthouse with him. You haven’t sat down. You’ve hardly budged from where you’re standing near the elevator—Dazai wonders if you’re scared of him now, if you want to be as close as possible to the only exit in fear of him lashing out at you. The thought makes him even more nauseous.
He doesn’t even know what to do with himself. He doesn’t want to sit down, he’s uncomfortable standing in the living room, waiting for you to say something, and he can’t bring himself to try to break the silence because if there’s one thing he learned very swiftly, it’s that he can’t handle being ignored by you. He’d prefer anger and hate to the stonewall iciness you’re giving him.
He can’t even fathom what you might be thinking right now. You’re not looking at him. You’re staring at the window that looks over the city, he can see the bright flashing lights from Cosmo World flickering faintly in your eyes. It’s so quiet that he can hear the distant honking of horns, police sirens coming from the streets below.
He just wants you to say something, do something. Yell at him. Scream at him. Hit him or punch him. Anything is better than this.
It feels like an eternity before you finally move away from the elevator. You still don’t speak, but Dazai watches raptly as you make your way into the kitchen. You fling open the cabinets, searching for something, and Dazai’s lips part to ask what you’re looking for but he decides against it. You stop with your jerky movements when you catch sight of the numerous bottles of sake Dazai has stored in his cabinets—room temperature, because Dazai can’t stand cold drinks, they make his teeth hurt. He watches you struggle to uncap it and his body itches to move toward you to help but he knows it won’t do any good. It’ll probably just piss you off more.
When you get the cap off, you’re immediately bringing it to your lips. One. Two. Three. Four large gulps before you put the bottle back down on the counter and turn to look at him. The emptiness in your eyes is gone, replaced by something caught between hurt and anger and betrayal. It makes his heart sink, but he thinks it’s preferable to the emptiness.
“You lied to me,” you finally rasp out, shaking your head as you pace behind the counter. There’s a whole length of a room separating the two of you and Dazai longs for your touch but he forces himself to stuff his hands in his pockets and keep still. “You lied to me, Dazai.”
“Osamu,” he corrects quietly without thinking, not liking the switch up. He’d finally gotten you to call him by his given name earlier in the night, he doesn’t want to lose it so quickly.
For the briefest of seconds, the hurt and betrayal in your eyes disappears and only fire rages in them. “Dazai,” you spit out pointedly.
Dazai almost draws back, not having expected that. In all of the other universes, you’ve always been gentle with him even when you’re livid. You speak his name softly, even with a tight jaw and fisted hands—his given name, you’ve never used his surname against him like this before. Probably because most of the major fights he had with you in those other lives, it was months into the relationship; it’s only been a few weeks in this life so of course-
Dazai realizes, a bit dizzy, that he’s about to lose you.
You found out too soon. You found out through Dostoevsky, through Dazai's own loss of control. You found out in the worst possible way and you found out too soon.
Dazai is about to lose you.
“Okay,” he murmurs, not wanting to test your temper anymore, giving in as a means to try to soothe your anger, regardless of how much it might wound him because being wounded is nothing compared to losing you. “Dazai.”
His compliance seems to do nothing to quell your anger from the way you just scoff and shake your head again, looking away from him. You stare out over the city, dozens of emotions cloud your expression but Dazai still can’t predict what you might do next. He feels out of his depth, in murky waters with an anchor tied to his ankle.
“I knew it, you know?” you finally say quietly. “I knew it from the beginning, honestly, but I kept making excuses for you. I mean, the guns. The secrecy. You weren’t really subtle about it. Did you think I was stupid, or something?”
“Never,” Dazai says honestly, without hesitation. He sees your gaze flicker down to the ground at his words, but you don’t make any move to speak again so he takes the opportunity to, in hopes that you’ll finally listen. “You’re the smartest woman I know. I-”
You interrupt him with a sharp laugh, it’s loud and almost cruel, and Dazai turns in on himself at the sound of it. He feels small and unsteady, like a child who’s being scolded by a parent. When you look at him again, your eyes are wide and wild, half-crazed in sheer disbelief. You don’t believe him. Of course, you don’t. It’s plainly displayed on your face. And why would you anyway? He’s given you every reason not to.
“If you think I’m so smart, why didn’t you think I would figure it out?”
He tries to say that he knew you would. That he’s been living in fear for weeks that you’d finally see him for what he is but when he opens his mouth to say it, no words leave him. Like he’s frozen in fear, ice crawling through his veins, stones weighing on his tongue; he can’t respond, and he knows that he’s only condemning himself more. He tries to force something out but he can’t even make the barest hint of a sound. The mindkiller. He’s never responded well to fear, much less when you’re involved.
You click your tongue, as if to solidify that his silence proves your point, or maybe you know what he can't bring himself to say and you just don't believe him. His stomach churns again, and dread spreads through chest when you say: “If I’m so smart, and I was going to figure it out anyway, why didn’t you just tell me?”
“You would have left.” Dazai is finally able to speak, but he speaks the wrong answer, clearly, from the way you let out another humorless, breathless laugh, eyes wide in disbelief. You look at him like he’s the most audacious man in the entire world. Maybe he is.
“Yeah, I would have,” you agree and Dazai flinches. “Without hesitation, without even looking back. And now, I can’t because you made me fall in love with you without even warning me about what I was getting myself into.”
Dazai’s heart should be leaping through the roof at your confession, but if anything, he feels even worse. His throat feels clogged and his chest feels so heavy. You’ve never regretted falling in love with him before. Not in any lifetime.
“I’m sorry,” he breathes out, because he doesn’t know what else to say. The words are still foreign on his tongue, he doesn’t think he’s ever apologized to someone in this life before the last twenty-four hours.
“No, you’re not,” you say bitterly, looking away. “Isn’t this what you wanted? For me to care so much about you that when you finally tell me who you are and what you do, I won’t be able to leave.”
Dazai stares at you, lost. He remembers how just the other day he was finding comfort in the way you could read him so easily, knowing he didn’t have to speak for you to know what he needed at the moment. He thinks he hates it now, because you’re finally reading deeper into his soul and seeing him for the sick, twisted monster he really is. Just like he feared from day one. Manipulative. Selfish. Undeserving. His fingers tremble in his pockets, nails biting into his palm so deep that he can feel blood trickling down his skin, but not even the stinging pain can distract him from the numbness spreading through him.
“I didn’t-”
“Didn’t what?” you interrupt him. “You didn’t think I’d be upset? You didn’t think I’d be angry? Or maybe you didn’t think it would happen this soon? Is that it, Dazai? You thought you’d have more time to win me over in hopes that I’d take the news in stride. News flash, Dazai, no amount of time or charm would have made me accept this easily. Accept you easily. How could I ever accept any of this?”
Nausea rises to his throat so suddenly that he almost gags. He feels dizzy, taking a step back so that his back is against the wall, keeping him steady. Your last words echo through his head over and over again, he can’t escape them. The one person who’s always accepted him in every lifetime, the only person he was ever able to find a home in—how could I ever accept you?
His cheeks feel wet, his eyes are wide as he stares at you. He doesn’t know how to respond to that. He doesn’t even think he could if he knew how to respond to that. His lungs are burning and his throat feels so swollen that even just the thought of trying to speak is painful.
You let out a sharp breath, caught between a hysterical laugh and a sob as you press your hands to either side of your neck and pace across the kitchen. “What am I supposed to do, Dazai?” you ask, voice hoarse. “What the fuck am I supposed to do?”
He thinks it might be a rhetorical question, but he still forces out: “Don’t leave me.”
You scoff again, louder and harsher this time. Dazai’s eyes flutter shut as if to futilely minimize the blow. “I wish leaving you was still an option for me.”
Oh. He’s going to throw up.
He wants to blame it on the alcohol he drank earlier in the night. He wants to blame it on the stress of the past few weeks. He wants to blame it on anything but this, even though he knows damn well that this conversation is what triggered the bile that rises to his throat. He forces himself to move, nearly tripping over his feet to get to the bathroom because he doesn’t want you to see him vomiting up his guts.
He hardly makes it to the toilet, crashing to his knees and clutching at the seat as he dry heaves. Nothing comes up—he hasn’t eaten enough the past few days to have anything solid in him, too busy with preparations—but he can’t stop gagging, eyes stinging with tears and throat burning. He doesn’t know how long he stays crumpled at the toilet, losing track of time entirely, a part of him just wants to stay there forever so he doesn’t have to go back out and face you.
Evidently, he doesn’t have to go back out and face you because you come to him.
He’s gagging again when he feels your hand brush his back, hesitantly at first and then firmly. Your touch is warm, and Dazai thinks he must look pathetic as he turns his head to the side to look at you. Your expression isn’t as harsh now, your eyes are still conflicted but your face is softer. After a moment, you take a seat on the floor next to him—you don’t say anything, but you let out a soft puff of air as you slip your arm around his shoulders once he stops heaving.
He crumbles into your chest, body collapsing against yours. You wrap your arms around him, and at once, the numbness starts to fade away. His fingers clutch at your dress desperately, afraid that you’re going to disappear, but you only hold him tighter. You bury your face in his hair, forehead pressed to the top of his head.
“You’re so unfair, Osamu.” Your voice cracks, you’ve lost all of your fire, but Dazai finds no solace in it.
“I know,” he croaks out, throat scratchy and voice wavering. “I know.”
And then words are spilling from his lips before he can stop them, jumbled and hardly intelligible and he’s not even sure that you’re understanding what he’s saying but he can’t stop himself: “I tried. I tried to stay away, I tried so hard, you don’t understand. I knew it would turn out like this, I knew I would ruin you so I tried to stay away, but I’m selfish. I’m so selfish, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I knew better, I’m going to-you’re going to-”
The panic is returning, the words he wants to say but can’t push out are too damning: I’m going to get you killed. You’re going to die because of me. Dazai is breathing but the air isn’t getting to his lungs, his chest burns, and now even with your arms around him, the numbness is returning. It’s rapid now, spreading from his chest to his arms, down his abdomen to his legs; it’s going to consume him entirely, he can feel it, he can-
Oh.
Your lips press to his. Tilting his head back to angle his face up toward you, you lean down and press your lips against his, swallowing his words, his air, his panic. One of your hands cup his cheek while the other cradles the back of his head, Dazai can hardly kiss you back, his lips feel cold and prickly, but his eyes flutter shut as your lips move slowly and carefully against his.
Not for the first time, he thinks that he doesn’t deserve this. Especially not now. He tastes something wet and salty against his lips—he doesn’t know if you’re the one crying, or if he is, and he doesn’t want to know, so he forces himself to move. His arm feels heavy and clunky, and his fingers feel stiff, but he’s able to bring them up to your face, palms cupping your cheeks as the tips of his fingers tangle into your hair. He kisses you until his lungs are screaming for air, and even as he starts to feel lightheaded, he kisses you still, because your lips are the only thing able to push away the numbness overwhelming him.
When you break away from him, you keep your foreheads pressed together, nose nudging against his. You share the same thin sliver of air and Dazai feels dizzy, he wants to kiss you again but he doesn’t think he’s capable of moving yet, so he only stays crumbled in your arms, waiting for you to grace him with your lips again.
“I wish I still had the chance to be a better man,” Dazai says hoarsely, honestly, gaze searching yours desperately. “I would be. For you.”
Please believe me, he thinks to himself helplessly, because it’s the truth. He would try to be. For your sake. He might fail, he might be too far gone, his soul corrupted beyond salvation and his blood black beyond purification, but he would try. He would try so hard for you. But he can’t, not in this lifetime, not without risking everything he’s strove to protect since coming in contact with the Book. He has to stay the criminal, the monster, the demon so that you and Odasaku can live out your lives here. Until Dostoevsky, Christie, and any other person that could turn out to be a threat to either of you are killed, Dazai has to keep playing this role. He has to.
You don’t respond. Dazai thinks it’s because you don’t believe him and it makes him feel sick again. His lips part to repeat himself but you only press yours against his, as if to silence him.
You don’t believe him, the kiss confirms it, and his heart sinks but he can’t even bring himself to protest, to insist that it’s true. Instead, he decides if he can’t prove it through his words, he’ll prove it through his actions. Even though his limbs still feel leaden and clumsy, he forces himself into a better position, sitting up a bit more and bringing both of his hands up to cup your cheeks. He tilts your head back, leaning into you and slowly pressing you back against the floor and distantly Dazai recognizes that this is not the place for this but the thought is only fleeting, he’s too lost in the feeling of your lips against his and your body pressed to him.
And you let him ease you back against the floor. You let him tilt your head back and when his tongue darts out to swipe against your bottom lip, you part your lips for him. He doesn’t have to knock your knees apart, because you spread them just enough for him to slot his hips between them to keep your bodies flush. He wonders if you can feel how clunky his movements are—his fingers still feel heavy against your face and he can hardly hold himself up above you. He hopes he’s not crushing you with his weight, he might be, but you don’t seem to care.
He pulls back to ask if you’re okay with this but you chase his lips and he lets out a soft, muffled noise when you tug gently at his bottom lip and bring your free hand up to cup the back of his head, fingers tangling with his hair, pulling him back down to you. You drag your lips from his to slide them down his neck to the edge of his bandages. He twitches a bit at the feeling, wondering if you’re going to ask to take them off, but instead, you just trail your lips back upward, nipping at his jaw, and he shudders.
And then he finally hesitates, pulling away and not letting you chase after this time. He weighs his options in his head anxiously. He feels like he should do something, that he owes something—a lowering of a mask, a show of vulnerability, you’re entitled to at least that much after everything he’s done. Aren't you?
You give him a curious look and he tries to respond—he does, his lips part for him to speak but nothing leaves them. He swallows thickly, eyes fluttering shut as he braces himself before trying again, bringing one of his hands to yours and wrapping his fingers around it gently, lifting it from his chest to the bandages covering the left side of his face.
“Take them off,” he tells you, voice hoarse and shakier than he would have liked.
Your eyes widen, and he shudders a bit when your fingers smooth against the bandages, uncertain. “Are you sure?” you ask him softly, bringing your other hand to his opposite cheek, cupping his face in your hands again, eyes searching to make sure he means it.
Is he sure? Dazai doesn’t know. He can’t speak again as he stares down at you; a part of him is nervous, and he doesn’t even understand why. You already know who he is, what he is, but a part of him still fears that once you actually see him, something will change. And it’s ridiculous, so many other universes you’ve seen him without his bandages and you’ve never made him feel uncomfortable about it. But you’ve also never used his surname against him during an argument in the other universes, you’ve never regretted loving him, and you’ve certainly never wished you could leave him.
So, yeah, he thinks the anxiety of you removing his bandages and then seeing him in a different light might be more of a possibility in this universe than any other one. His body is more covered in scars than not, and he knows it’s not attractive; he thinks if he sees your expression shift in a negative way when the bandages come off, it might shatter him entirely.
Just the face bandages then, he bargains with himself, swallowing thickly as he forces himself to nod. You sit up from where you’re still laying back against the tiles, propping yourself on your knees to shift closer to him.
Dazai thinks his heart might be in his throat when he feels your fingers unclip the clasp holding the bandages together around the left side of his face, eyes fluttering shut as you slowly unwind them from around his head. He isn’t sure why he’s so nervous for this part—there are no scars on his face, but he still feels distinctly vulnerable, like he’s giving you a window into himself that might reveal more than he means to. He can barely breathe as he feels the last of the bandages fall to the floor, he can hear you push them to the side.
Still, he keeps his eyes shut, counting each second that passes. He’s anxious, can’t even bring himself to look at you until you cup his cheeks again.
“Look at me,” you say quietly.
Dazai does as you ask, he always does. He doesn’t know what he expects when he opens his eyes to meet your gaze; he prepares himself for the worst, for a twisted expression or thinly veiled pity, but he finds none of it. Rather, your eyes are soft and fond, tracing over his face, looking between each of his. He can feel the pads of your fingers gently brushing over his cheekbones, tracing absent patterns.
“You’re so handsome, Osamu,” you whisper, one of your hands sliding behind his head, intertwining with his hair. “Why do you wear them?”
Dazai doesn’t know how to answer that. His throat feels swollen at your words, eyes a bit misty and fingers trembling against your thighs. Instead, he breathes out, “Kiss me.”
And you do.
God, when you kiss him again, it’s so intense that it has his head spinning. He doesn’t know how long he sits there kissing you, back against the cabinets with you half in his lap. It could be a few seconds, or a few minutes, or a few hours—he has no concept of time whenever his lips are against yours. It’s only when you press your hand against his shoulder, murmuring for him to get up, that he finally pulls himself away from you.
Dazai forces himself to push up to his feet—it’s much more difficult than he thought it would be, nearly tripping over his own feet, but you follow him up to your feet, steadying him when he almost tumbles over. You bring your hand up to rest against his cheek, fingers gently toying with the edges of his hair. He leans into your touch, eyes fluttering shut for just a moment before he forces himself to look you in the eye.
“You’re so frustrating,” you say softly, but all of the fire is gone, replaced by that same soft look you’ve directed toward him—not him—hundreds of times before. “You are so frustrating, Osamu.”
His throat feels tight again, the sound of his name on your lips causing a wave of warmth to spread through him, the numbness slowly subsiding.
“I know,” he whispers, swallowing thickly, and you sigh, gaze averting to the side for a moment before you look back at him. He still can’t fathom what you might be thinking and it scares him.
But then you kiss him again, your other hand coming up to his other cheek and his hands fly to your waist, holding you close. You walk him backward, out of the bathroom and into the hallway. His back hits the wall and you press your body close to his, and this time it’s you whose tongue is darting out to brush his bottom lip, urging him to part his lips for you. He does, and he thinks he might be in heaven when he feels your tongue dip into his mouth, sliding against his tongue. His eyes flutter shut, rolling back just a bit when you trace the back of his teeth with your tongue before sucking gently on his bottom lip.
Your hands slide down from his face to his chest, over his jacket, down to his waist. Your fingers hook in his belt loops and Dazai groans as your lips ghost from his down to his jaw, breath shaky as trail slow, wet kisses to the sensitive spot behind his ear. He can hardly do anything but follow along as you guide him from where he’s been backed against the wall into his bedroom, dazed and entirely consumed by your touch. His head already feels a bit fuzzy, breath hitching as your teeth graze his pulse point, kissing down to the edge of his bandages and then across his throat.
He barely even knows where he is until he feels the back of his knees hit his bed and he topples backward until he’s laying flat on it. His chest is heaving, head dizzy and breath shaky as you straddle his waist. You don’t kiss him again and Dazai wants to drag you down for another but he can’t even bring himself to move. His body refuses to cooperate, nervous that he’s going to make the wrong move.
“Do you want this?” you finally ask after a moment, voice raspy as one of your hands squeeze his gently, as if to get his attention.
Dazai’s brows furrow a bit, lips parting to respond but for a second, no words leave them. You wait with the patience of a saint as Dazai tries to process what you’re asking and respond to it. After what feels like an eternity, he nods once. Of course, he wants it. You search his eyes as if to make sure he’s not just agreeing to agree, and once you’re satisfied, you continue you with:
“And do you trust me?” you ask softly, your gaze gentle as it searches his face for the next answer.
Dazai doesn’t hesitate this time, and he speaks as he breathes out, “With everything.”
He can’t tell what you’re thinking, but your expression is still soft and your touch is still gentle as you run your thumb over his knuckles. Dazai doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the gentleness you show him. You lift your hand to cup his cheek and he leans into your touch, throat spasming beneath his bandages as he waits for you to say something.
“Let me take the lead then,” you say quietly, his eyes widen a bit at your words. “I want to try something.”
He watches you carefully for a moment, guarded and studying you. He thinks this might be another first, and the thought alone makes him feel a bit giddy because he can’t recall any other life where you’ve ever been the one to take the lead like this, especially the first time the two of you sleep together. You look a bit anxious the longer he goes without responding, so he nods and says, “Okay.”
He’s pliant beneath your touch as you lean down to press your lips against his; he lets out a soft, muffled noise when he feels your hips shift, unintentionally grinding down a bit on his straining cock. He’s more hesitant this time in the way his lips move against yours, unsure of what to do with himself. His fingers twitch from where they're resting on the bed, itching to grab your hips but not wanting to make the wrong move.
This has happened every time one of you tries to take the next step, either he gets interrupted or he ends up getting cold feet because he’s scared of doing the wrong thing and making you uncomfortable. And it’s ridiculous because Dazai has so many memories, he should know at least vaguely what you like and what you don’t like but he thinks having the memories are a double-edged sword because he overwhelms himself if what ifs: what if he assumes you like something and you end up not liking it in this universe, what if he does something that you only liked after the two of you have been together for a while and you’re uncomfortable with him doing it because you’re not as comfortable with him. Maybe Dazai is just overthinking it all but how can he not when you’re involved. He wants everything to be perfect for you.
“Is this okay?” you whisper, separating your lips from his just enough for him to answer your question. Your breath mingles with his and Dazai can hardly think straight; it’s hot, dizzying, there’s something so intimate about it that it makes his body fuzzy.
“Yeah,” he says, eyelashes fluttering as he looks up at you. “It’s okay.”
You kiss him again. His lips move against yours desperately, needy, he’d be embarrassed if you weren’t matching his energy, but you are. He can feel your fingers tugging at his hair, your hips grinding down against his. Every time you start to pull away, he lifts his head from where it’s laying flush against the pillows, chasing your lips.
He needs you. His hands slide from your thighs to your waist, keeping your body pressed to his. He’s needed you since the day he came in contact with the Book and learned about you, since the day he met you at the club, maybe even since the day he was born even if he hadn’t known it at the time. He thinks his entire life has led to this, to the two of you being together; your souls have been entangled since the moment you were born and he isn’t sure how he ever thought a life without you was possible.
“I need you,” he gasps against your lips, hips jerking up just a bit to try to alleviate the pressure building in his lower abdomen, desperate to reach down and unbutton his slacks, but wanting you to make the first move.
Whatever nerves that have made him get cold feet all of the other times the two of you have tried to take the next stop are long gone. You don’t give him any time to wonder if he’s doing the wrong thing—the fingers of one of your hands intertwining with his dark locks, just tight enough to make him hiss into your mouth, eyes rolling back at the pleasant sting. Your other hand slides across his chest, even through his dress shirt, your fingertips seem to scorch through to his skin, leaving his body tingling everywhere you touch.
“You have me,” you tell him, breathless, and Dazai can’t bite back the noise that slips from his lips, wanton and obscene, borderline pornographic—if he was any more coherent, he might be embarrassed but he can’t find it in him. Not when he’s finally getting what he’s wanted after all of this time.
His hands fly down to his slacks, he fumbles with the button and zipper before yanking them down just enough to free his cock and he watches as you sit back on his thighs, eyes wide and lips parted as your gaze focuses in on his cock, watching as the leaking precum dribbles down his length, alongside the vein running along the underside of his cock.
“Please,” he breathes out, fingers biting into your thighs as he bunches your dress up to your hips, another low moan spilling from his lips just at the thought of what’s about to happen, lashes fluttering.
You don’t even take off your panties, clearly driven by the same desperation that he is as you slide them to the side and position yourself above his cock and Dazai gnaws at his bottom lip when he feels the tip pressing against your entrance. He can feel how wet you are already, so drenched that your slick is dripping down the length of his cock. His hips stutter up instinctively, but instead of pushing inside, his cock slides between your folds and he whimpers, arm flying to cover the lower half of his face. You don’t let him, fingers wrapping around his wrist to pull his arm from his face and pin it to the mattress above him.
“Don’t hide yourself,” you say softly.
Dazai thinks there must be stars in his eyes as he looks up at you. You’re so beautiful, lips parted as you pant softly, an adoring expression on your face as you look down at him. He loves you. He loves you, god, he loves you more than he’s ever loved anything in his life; he thinks that nothing the other Dazais ever felt for any of the other yous could ever compare to how he feels for you.
When his tip starts to push into your tight hole, all he can let out is another loud, lewd noise; his head falls back against the pillows. His ears are ringing, but distantly, he can hear you gasp. His vision is blurry as he forces himself to look up at you but Dazai thinks you look otherworldly with your head tilted back as his cock starts to stretch you out, lips swollen and wet from the kisses you’d shared. He thinks he must look insane, pupils blown wide and eyes wild as he tries to focus on the sight of you. All of the clever wheels that usually turn within his mind are crumbling.
His fingertips leave crescents in your thighs as you sink down on his cock slowly—too slow, it leaves his head dizzy as your warmth slowly envelops his length. He’s imagined this so many times before. Dozens. Hundreds. He has so many memories of the feeling of your body flush to his, thighs over his shoulders as he fucks you deep and slow, swallowing your moans, but he thinks that nothing compares to this, the sight of you above him, watching your body tremble and face shift as his cock stretches you out. He barely refrains from letting out a string of strangled curses, barely able to hold his eyes open to watch you.
You give yourself a moment to adjust, and when you do, you look down at Dazai. He thinks he must look a mess—chest heaving, breath erratic, eyes heavy and lidded and entirely glazed over—but he doesn’t care, not with the way your hand slides up his abdomen, fingers tracing patterns along the bandages covering his body. You look beautiful—you always look beautiful—but you look extra beautiful right now, and he thinks he could stare at you forever and never tire of it.
Experimentally, you roll your hips—it’s still slow, agonizingly slow—and Dazai throws his head back, another obscene moan spilling from his lips.
“Fuck,” he gasps, his fingers falling from your thighs to twist the sheets below him, knuckles white. “Feels so good. So good.”
You let out a hum that’s caught between a moan and agreement as you continue the slow rolls of your hips, hands sliding up and down his abdomen in a way that’s deceptively innocent and soothing compared to how his cock is dragging along your walls. His body shudders at the feeling of it, heat pooling in his abdomen so quickly that it has his whole body tensing as he tries to push it away.
“You’re so perfect.” Words spill from his lips, more of a babble than anything else as you lean down to ghost your lips over his jaw, nibbling over the bandages covering his Adam’s apple. It bobs beneath your teeth as he lets out another shaky noise. “S’like you’re made for me. I’d do anything for you. Anything. You know that, right? Anything you want, it’s yours.”
He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, clawing at the sheets and occasionally reaching for your thighs, and he doesn’t know what to do with his body, hips jerking up at an erratic pace, like he’s trying to meet your pace but his body simply can’t match the slow rolls of your hips, desperate for more. He doesn’t know how you’re so put together—maybe you’re not, he can see through a blurry vision how your lashes are fluttering with each roll of your hips, breath shaky, but you’re just not as far gone as he already is.
“Anything?” you murmur, and he can feel your lips curve up against his neck.
“Anything.” His breath hitches, fingers reaching for your hips as he rocks his up into you, a desperate attempt to get you to pick up the pace. “‘d give you the whole world, burn it for you, anything you want, I’d give it to you.”
His hands slide up from your thighs to your waist as you lean down to press your lips against his in a deceptively innocent kiss. He tries to chase your lips as you straighten up but you don’t let him, one of your hands curling around his throat—not choking him, but firm enough that it goes right to his cock, lips parting in a silent moan—while the other braces back on his thigh.
He thinks that nothing could have prepared him for the feeling of you picking up the pace. His breath hitches, he chokes over a moan, stars sparkle in his vision as the tip of his cock presses deep inside of you. You sigh out his name and Dazai thinks this might be the closest he ever gets to heaven: you on top of him, cock buried to the hilt in your cunt, the sight of your blissed out face above him as his head spins.
“Oh, fuck,” Dazai cries out, back arching and hand flying to cover his face again but the hand you have on his thigh flies forward to snatch his wrist before he can, pinning it back above his head. Dazai’s eyes roll back, you’re leaning over him entirely now, leaning most of your weight on the hand that’s pinning his wrist but the new angle adds pressure onto how you’re squeezing his neck, paring his airways just enough to make his lungs burn. “More. Faster, fuck, I-ah-”
His voice falls off into another moan, head falling to the side to press his cheek against the pillow. He thinks drool is starting to pool at the corner of his lips but he doesn’t care, he can’t even think at this point, too lost in the lewd sound of skin-on-skin, the sloppiness of his cock fucking deep in your cunt, your soft moans and gasps, lost in the feeling of your tight walls clamping down on his cock, the warmth, the wetness, your fingers digging into his wrist and the sides of his neck. He wants to tell you that he needs more but the words are garbled, entirely unintelligible.
He forces his eyes back open, feeling the tears spilling over his cheeks just from the intensity of it all, the intensity of you. You’re gentle with him even when your hand is wrapped around his throat and his cock is splitting you open—he can feel the soothing circles you rub with your thumb, he can see the way you’re searching his face to make sure he’s okay. Dazai is just so overwhelmed that he can’t stop the way his next moan breaks into a sob; acutely realizing just how deprived he’d been of any type of care or love before meeting you, and forcibly coming to terms with the fact that he is never going to be able to go without this again, without you again. He’d known it to some extent before this, the thought of losing you and the light you bring him has made his stomach churn violently but this…
He’s torn from his thoughts when you suddenly stop the rolls of your hips, halting the spreading heat in his lower abdomen desperately. The noise that escapes him is something caught between distress and betrayal, dark eyes wide as he looks up at you questioningly, but the expression on your face makes his breath catch. Your hand slides up from his throat to cup his cheek, your other hand releasing his wrist so that you can hold his face between your hands, thumbs wiping away the tears spilling over his cheeks.
Distantly, Dazai recognizes that he’s still choking over sobs and that’s probably why you’ve stopped and that only rips his chest apart more because of course, you’re still putting him above you—even when you’re mad, even when you’ve just fought, when he’s betrayed you in a way that should be unforgivable, you’re still kissing away his tears and putting aside your own needs to take care of him
He doesn’t deserve you. Not in any universe, but especially not in this one.
He thinks he could stay here for eternity. Fuck the rest of the world. Fuck the Port Mafia. Fuck his plan. He just wants to stay here with you, your lips brushing his, sharing the same sliver of air. He leans into your touch, groaning against your lips when he feels your walls spasm around him.
“You’re beautiful,” he breathes out, unsure if you can even understand him. “You’re so-”
His words fall off into another moan, and he can’t control his hips as they thrust up sharply against yours, another string of incoherent curses escaping his hips as your breath catches and you straighten back up, head falling back as you gasp his name.
Your nails dig crescents into his upper thighs through his bandages as you brace yourself back against them. You move your hips again—faster, this time, harder, and Dazai thinks his head is in the clouds. He’s so deep inside of you that he can feel everything, jaw falling slack as heat spreads through his body too rapidly for him to get control over. He wants to throw a hand over his mouth to muffle the lewd, pitched moans spilling from his lips but he can’t drag his hands from where they’re clawing at your hips, desperately trying to help you meet him with each thrust.
“I-hah-shit, I’m gonna-fuck-”
He slurs out your name and several obscenities, trying to warn you that he’s going to cum when he feels his cock twitching inside of you and his abdomen tensing, but you only lean down to press a lingering kiss to the corner of his lips and Dazai is gone. He wants to watch you, he tries, but he can’t hold his eyes open, they’re half-rolled back as he chokes over moans of your name, hips stilling as he cums deep inside of you. His body twitches, expression twisted as he presses his head so hard into the pillow that he thinks he might permanently indent it.
His head is spinning, lungs burning, sweat beading at his forehead and hair matted to his face—he thinks he’s never cum so hard in his entire life; all of the nights he spent alone, desperately trying to fuck his hand to the thought of you in attempts to mimic how you’ve made all the other Dazais feel, to give himself some semblance of the pleasure you’ve brought him in other lives to hold him over on particularly lonely nights, they’ve never felt like this.
You don’t stop, even as he squirms and lets out jumbled pleas beneath you, body shuddering at the overstimulation but you’re too lost in chasing your own high now. He spasms beneath you, nails digging into your thigh as you fuck his cum deeper inside of you, bouncing on his cock desperately. He doesn’t care that the sensitivity is pushing his body to the brink, letting you use him however you want if it means he gets to see you like this.
Dazai’s head feels light, pins and needles pricking his body—he thinks he might pass out but he forces himself to hold on, enraptured by the sight of you on top of him with your eyes half-rolled back, lips parted and throat bared to him. Your tits are half-spilling out over the low-cut of your dress and Dazai thinks you’re fucking divine. The only holy thing in this godless world. He wants to spend the rest of his life worshiping you.
“I’m gonna-” you gasp, head falling backward as one final roll of your hips that has your clit grinding against his pelvic bone sends you spiraling over the edge.
Dazai wants to sear the image of you behind his eyelids, watching as your nails drag against his thighs, drawing red lines even through the bandages, back arching, head tossed back—your body is trembling violently as you cum on his cock, expression twisted and entirely blissed out, sobbing over his name. He chokes and gasps at the feeling of your cunt tightening around his sensitive cock again, jaw tight and spots dancing in his vision as he’s so abruptly pushed over the edge a second time, the coil in his abdomen tightening and snapping all within the span of a few seconds.
He’s still reeling when he feels you slump forward onto his chest, burying your face in the crook of his neck, shivering in the aftershocks of your orgasm. He’s only half aware as he instinctively brings his hands up to rest on your hips, rubbing soft circles of your hip bones to try to soothe you.
He shudders when you press a kiss to his neck right at the edge of his bandages, and then tilt your head up to press another on his jaw. One of your hands comes up to caress the back of his head, fingers carding through the dark locks in a way that has his eyes drooping shut.
“We’re not done with this conversation,” you finally say after a few moments of silence, voice soft, breaking the silence. Dazai stiffens a bit, lips parting to respond but no words leave them. “... but let’s just lay like this for a while first, okay?”
He lets out a shaky breath, still not entirely convinced that he’s not going to lose you, so he lets his eyes flutter shut as he nods. He may as well bask in this for as long as he can, and if you notice the way his fingers dig just a little deeper into your skin after your words process, you don’t mention it.
“Yeah,” he murmurs, “okay.”
Dazai wakes up the next morning and you’re nowhere to be seen. The bed is frighteningly cold next to him and his heart is instantly in his throat. He doesn’t waste a second before he’s sitting up in bed, looking around, eyes wild and heart racing. He doesn’t settle down, not until his eyes fall upon where you’re sitting curled up on the chair of the desk he never uses, eyes trained on the dark clouds outside the window, the beauty of the sunrise wilted by a morning storm.
“His intention was to make me leave you.” You’re not looking at him, but you must have heard him sit up. “Fyodor Dostoevsky. The things he told me, they were to make me leave you.”
Dazai doesn’t move an inch, throat swelling. He forces himself to ask, “What did he tell you?”
He isn’t sure if he wants to know.
“It doesn’t matter,” you say—Dazai thinks that it definitely does, but he bites back the questions that rise to his tongue because you’re clearly not about to budge on your answer. “Who is he?”
“A monster,” Dazai bites out, bitterness seeping into his tone as he leans back against the headboard, eyes still trained on where you’re curled on his chair, gaze distant. “You have to stay away from him.”
“Well, I didn’t intend on seeking him out,” you say it so dryly that Dazai nearly finds humor in it. Nearly. The smile that rises to his lips is mirthless at best. You turn to look at him, finally, and Dazai finds only cool indifference on your face; the fondness, the softness, the gentleness from last night are all gone. He wonders if you regret it, but he doesn’t let that thought linger, it’ll only make him sick. “... He doesn’t seem like the type to give up.”
“He never is,” Dazai murmurs, ignoring the brief, questioning look you direct toward him, mind drifting off to all of the Russian’s incessant attempts to take you from him in all of the other universes. “Did he tell you what his plan was?”
Dazai doubts it, but maybe there was something he said to you that shed some light to it.
“He didn’t have to,” you say quietly. “He wants Yokohama, for whatever reason—couldn’t figure that out, I think he’s looking for something—and clearly, he has to get through you to get it. He thinks the best way of getting through you is by taking me away from you first. That’s what I’d gathered from how he was talking at least, what he was saying about you, the way he was phrasing it. I’d put together enough on my own during the night to fill in the blanks. He told me things about what you’d done as… what you’d done as boss of the Port Mafia—things you’ve done to enemies… to allies. He told me that I’d see the real you as soon as you realize that the meeting he set up was a farce; that the mask you put up would crumble and I would see you for the demon that you are.”
Dazai doesn’t respond, jaw tight as he averts his gaze to the window—he’d played right into Dostoevsky’s hands. He can hardly bring himself to look at you; he wonders if you do see him differently now that the cloud from the night before has worn off, but he can’t bring himself to ask. Now’s not the time anyway, there are more pressing matters.
“... He’ll come after me again, won’t he?” you ask quietly. “Getting me to leave you willingly didn’t work. If he’s so set on me being the trigger to your downfall, then he’ll come after me again.”
He would. As he always has. Of course, Dostoevsky would try to get to him through you, he’s tried it in every universe, and Dazai hadn’t been careful enough. He hadn’t been smart enough. He’d known this was going to happen and was still arrogant enough to believe he could somehow prevent it. He was a fool, and he was a fool at the cost of your safety. He doesn’t know how to respond to you, he doesn’t want to confirm your suspicions, he doesn’t want to admit that this is all his fault, that he knew this would happen and was selfish enough to pursue you anyway.
“... I’m scared, Osamu,” you finally say quietly, and you suddenly look a lot smaller from where you’re sitting on his desk chair, hunched over with your knees tucked to your chest. “I’m really scared.”
Dazai’s heart claws up to his throat and he pushes himself out of bed, still dressed haphazardly in his suit from the night before. He makes his way over to you and kneels in front of you, hands curling around your ankles as he looks up at you.
“I won’t let anything happen to you,” he tells you, voice a bit more raspier than he intended for it to come across as. “I don’t care what I have to do to ensure it, how low I have to stoop. I will not let anything happen to you, do you understand?”
Your eyes meet his, and he can’t help but notice that doubt still riddles your gaze as you search his face, as if you want to believe him but can’t bring yourself to. A pit starts to grow in his stomach, wide and gaping as he realizes that this is all really about to happen, and one mistake on his part could lead you to the same fate you’ve met in so many other worlds because of him.
Finally, the doubt slowly clears as you let out a soft breath, nodding, and Dazai inhales sharply, laying his forehead against your shin as he lets his eyes slide shut.
He won’t let it happen. Not again.
again there was NO plot development in the smut - you guys didn't miss out on anything, pinky swear. i restructured the scene to fit the only notable scene (bandage removal) into the part before the smut, so if that felt a little forced, that was why </3 it wasn't supposed to be there. i was struggling trying to figure out how to move it upward a bit. the only arguable "plot" development was dazai letting go of his control freakiness to let her take the lead
#ᡣ𐭩 carina’s archives#dazai x reader#dazai x you#dazai smut#dazai osamu x reader#dazai osamu x you#dazai osamu smut#bsd x reader#bsd x you#bsd smut#bungo stray dogs x reader#bungo stray dogs smut#bungo stray dogs x you
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Hihi!!
Hope your doing well! I was wondering if you’d be up to writing a Sebs x g/n Z-## creature?? Something similar to what Sebs went through w the experimentation and stuff, I know it’s complicated but you don’t need to so don’t feel pressured to ❤️
-💫
I'm doing alright 💫 anon and yeah ofc I'll write this! :•D
Z-##, that's who you were. A freak of nature some would say. You didn't care. You didn't care what they all called you. At least no one has ever encountered you in a long ass time.
That was until you met him. Sebastian Solace. You scoffed when you heard he sells stuff for the players' data. "What a crazy, stupid, idiotic, thing." You'd repeat in your mind, scoffing to yourself.
You being jealous would be an understatement. You were envious that he had the balls to interact with humans who didn't treat him like he was a freak. Sure there were some humans who did but you didn't really care. When he was alone, that's when you decided to approach him. "Ah hello there, Z-##!"
He knows who you are? Surprising since you guys haven't met before. It's also fair since you know his name as well. "Hello Sebastian." You spoke with a scoff.
"You know who I am as well. Hmm. Shouldn't be a surprise to me since you probably heard about me around this hellish place." Sebastian spoke with a bit of sass in his tone. You didn't care.
You wanted to know why he was doing what he's been doing. "You're curious about my trading aren't you? Lemme tell you that I'm doing this to further delay the discovery of that crystal." You didn't scoff or give Sebastian an attitude. You simply nod in understanding.
"Can I help?" That was a question that slipped out of your mouth, immediately making you regret ever approaching Sebastian. "You can. However, what can you do to further delay that crystal being found?" You chuckle.
"I can do whatever it is you think would be best for this." You smile, showing your sharp teeth. "Ah, I like you already. Whatever I think is best huh? Why not attack the players hmm?"
"I have no problem with that." Your smile widens, showing more of your sharp teeth. "Besides... I'm feeling kinda hungry anyways." You state, seeing Sebastian in shock before laughing. "Then go on, Z-## and do what you do best."
You went ahead and you did what was necessary to make sure the players fall behind. You report back to Sebastian after cleaning yourself off. "Sorry it took so long, I had to make sure eyefestation wasn't going to steal my kills." Sebastian smiles at you. "I saw you."
"Oh really? How did I do?" You ask, earning a smile from Sebastian. "You did amazingly well, sweetheart." You know he probably meant it as a taunting tone but you didn't care.
You felt your face heat up. Sebastian noticed and he chuckles. "Someone's having feelings for me." You nod, wishing you could deny these feelings. "Unfortunately, yes."
Sebastian laughs at you upon hearing you admit it. "Is that a problem to you, Sebby?" You smirk upon calling him that nickname. Now it's Sebastian's turn to get flustered. "N-no."
Sebastian stutters, mentally cursing himself out. You smirk again before Sebastian asked something that he might regret asking. "May I kiss you?" You were shocked but made your way closer to him. It was then after an awkward moment that you spoke again.
"Go ahead." Sebastian closed the gap between you two and you both kissed, Sebastian's tail wagging while yours swayed idly. You both pulled away after a while, you smiling. "That was amazing." Sebastian nods in agreement.
Hope this is what you were requesting 💫 anon. Sorry if this isn't what you were expecting but I tried my best. Also sorry if this is short.
Divider by @/cafekitsune
#pressure sebastian solace#sebastian solace#sebastian solace pressure#sebastian solace pressure x reader#sebastian solace x reader#˗ˏˋ꒰ 📁 ꒱ tobias writes#˗ˏˋ꒰ 💫 ꒱ anon
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PLEASE READ!!! REBLOGS GREATLY APPRECIATED
I'm sorry to spring that on you all, and I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes I might have, I've been thinking about making this post for a while but I realise I can't exactly word anything serious well when my personality usually consists of :3. But this IS serious, and I need your help
You might've noticed that I haven't been able to post for a few days or so, I've injurrd my arm due to overuse and strain, and I won't be able to use it for a while, typing this right now as o am is hurting me more but I needed to make this announcement one way or another.
I need to get to work the second I believe it's healed. But I can't go to the doctor, I can't afford that, I've got bigger things to worry about. I'm here to ask for your help, I'm currently hoping to help my mom pay for the bills, and this is the only way I know how to do it.
I'll be opening commissions, unfortunately only the usual sketch stuff that I do, and unfortunately it WILL be delayed until I can move my arm afain
8$ per character
15$ full colored per character
payment method is PAYPAL
Please DM me if you want to comm
Please help only if you CAN, if not, reblogs are GREATLY appreciated. Again, I'm sorry for the inconveniences and delay, once I get my arm healed I'll work on these IMMEDIATELY, if not, I'll work on them even with the conditions I'm in If I have to.
#coquexari#epic the musical#sorry for the tag#commissions open#coquecomms#emergency commissions#emergency commisions open#commissions#art commissions
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haven't we met? ♾️ minghao x reader.
“wherever you are in the world, i swear i'll find you again.” # day one of (the)8 days of minghao.
☆ includes: mentions of death/calamities. soulmates, body swapping, time travel, delayed ripple effect, references to chinese mythology, light angst. this is inspired by & heavily references makoto shinkai's film kimi no nawa/your name, but it's not required to have seen the film to understand the plot. word count: 9,000+
It’s a Wednesday when Minghao wakes up in a room that isn’t his.
He doesn’t immediately register it. His senses come to him slowly; the sun is warm on his face, supposedly streaking through the windows.
But then an alarm blares, and it’s an alarm that’s decisively not his. It’s loud and oppressive. The complete opposite of the gentle tinkling of bells that he sets for his mornings. Minghao peels his eyes open before blinking blearily up at a ceiling that’s in a shade of dark green.
Odd. His ceiling is supposed to be beige.
Minghao finally manages to sit up, to glance around. The room he’s in is not his. It’s much more disorganized and the furniture’s a bit more old-fashioned. He lets out a slight exhale.
A dream, he thinks wearily. I’m dreaming.
Minghao can’t help but think that it’s a particularly realistic dream as he unsteadily gets to feet. As he pulls aside the sheets that had covered him, he notices snatches of a body that isn’t his, either. Lithe legs, painted toenails.
I’m dreaming I’m someone else, he thinks. It happened, didn’t it? One might sometimes dream from the perspective of a stranger, a friend.
Minghao’s attention is drawn to a half-full water carafe on the bedside table. Without much thought, he reaches for it— before smashing it onto the floor. Free will, baby.
Except—
He feels it. The wetness lapping up at his feet. The shards of broken glass flying in all directions. Something closes up in his throat. Did he usually feel things in his dreams? Had he eaten something weird, drank something the night before, to have him dreaming like this?
The door to the room swings open.
A silver-haired woman stands in front of him, now, her face pinched with worry. She says a name— a name that isn’t Minghao’s— and asks, panicked, “What happened?”
Minghao doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t trust himself to speak. He just stares and stares as this wrinkled woman chides him in a motherly way until he realizes, ah. This must be his mother. Not his mother, but his dream self’s mother.
He can work with that. “I’m sorry,” he chokes out. His voice is different. Not his, not his. He tries again— softer, this time— like it might change things. Like he might be able to coax his old voice to break through whatever sleepy haze he’s in. “I’m sorry. I knocked it over by accident.”
“You’re so clumsy,” his ‘mother’ chides, but she’s already getting to her knees to wipe at the puddle of water with her apron. That snaps Minghao into action; he stumbles across the room in search of a towel.
What a crazy dream, he thinks as he delicately gathers up the shards, as he wipes up the spilled water. I’ve never had a dream like this.
As his ‘mother’ heads back downstairs, Minghao figures he might as well play the part.
He follows her down for breakfast. He’s struck by how visceral, how tactile everything feels. The creeks of the old staircase. The smell of seaweed egg drop soup. The crick in Minghao’s neck.
Am I going insane? Minghao briefly wonders as he settles into the dining table, where there’s already a spread of food waiting for him. He notes that it’s a rather small table, made for only two people. It’s a stark contrast to the long tables he usually shares with twelve other boys, to the family tables he reserves with his own family.
“Why are you being so quiet?” his ‘mother’ asks as she sits across from him. “We’ll just get you a new carafe, kiddo.”
Right. That’s definitely why he was being quiet. Minghao picks up the chopsticks in front of him and goes to try some of the braised potatoes.
He can even taste it. This was probably the most detailed dream he’s ever had.
“Aren’t I always quiet, though?” Minghao manages to ask in the voice-that-is-not-his. It’s a higher pitched voice, one that has a distinct Seoul accent.
His ‘mother’ lets out a snort of laughter. “Yah, in what universe are you quiet?” she says with a snicker, reaching over to flick Minghao’s forehead.
He lets out a small sound of protest.
“That’s more like it,” his ‘mother’ notes. “Now, eat up. You’ll be late for work.”
Work. Something like unease begins to pool at the pit of his stomach at the thought of it. Not because he hates his job, no. Minghao loved being a dancer, an idol, an artist. But— he had a feeling that wasn’t the job he should be expecting this time around.
“I— I’m not really feeling well,” he mumbles, pushing around some seaweed at the bottom of his soup. When his ‘mother’ shoots him a scrutinizing glare, he forces out a cough to sell the act. “I’m not sure if I can go in today.”
His ‘mother’ goes from looking skeptical to concerned. She sets her own utensils down. “Do you need me to take care of you? I can take off, too—”
“It’s okay,” Minghao says hastily. “I think I just need to stay in bed.”
The woman across from him doesn’t look convinced, and so he presses on, “How is work, anyway?”
It’s a polite question, one meant to wheedle out more information. His ‘mother’ takes the bait, though, and goes on to rant about bad co-workers, about impatient patrons. She’s a grocery store bagger, Minghao gleams. And when she complains about other small things— the weather making it difficult to hang laundry, the lack of delivery shifts— Minghao realizes that his ‘mother’ has an array of other side hustles.
He listens intently. He nods in all the right places. He thinks he’s doing the right thing, but his ‘mother’ falters mid-sentence to fix him a worried look.
“You really are so quiet today,” she repeats, reaching over to put the back of her hand against Minghao’s forehead. He feels the touch, feels the warmth of concern wash over his skin, and it makes him shiver. “You really must not be feeling well, huh?”
Minghao thinks he’s only about to feel so much worse.
He heads back to ‘his’ bedroom, and it’s only then that he catches a glimpse of himself in a full-length mirror. It’s… the face of someone he’s never met before.
Minghao once heard that the people you see in your dreams are never strangers. They’re all faces you’ve seen at least once or twice, and in Minghao’s line of work— well, he’s seen a lot of faces. He raises a hand to pinch at his cheek, to pat at his hair.
It all feels so real. He doesn’t dwell on that.
Instead, he starts to explore. Walking around the cramped bedroom feels both like a museum visit and an intrusion. There’s posters peeling off the wall, shelves groaning under the weight of books, clothes that look a little worse for wear. It’s honestly such a mess that Minghao ends up killing a couple of hours just cleaning.
He lets out a snort of laughter as he does. Even in his dreams, he’s picking up over someone.
He doesn’t know how long he spends gathering hangers and sweeping the floor, but, at one point, the silence is broken by a high-pitched ringtone. He fumbles for the shabby cellphone on the bedside table.
It had been password-protected, which is why he couldn’t open it. Now, though, there’s an option to answer the incoming call.
BOSS MAN 👿, it says, and Minghao nearly cracks a smile. Yeah, he can relate to that, at least.
When he answers the call, though, any and all humor dissipates at the yelling that assaults Minghao’s ear. “WHERE ARE YOU?” ‘Boss Man’ screams on the other end. “I’VE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU ALL DAY! YOU’VE GOT SOME NERVE, PUNK—”
Minghao definitely sees now why the devil emoji was warranted. He has the urge to cut into the other man’s tirade, partly because it’s a dream where there’ll surely be little to no consequences. Something holds him back, though, as he puts some distance between his ear and the phone.
Once the other man pauses to breathe, Minghao manages to get a word in. “I… wasn’t feeling well,” he says lamely. “Could I maybe work from home or something?”
“WORK FROM HOME? ARE YOU CRAZY?! WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT—”
At that point, Minghao just hangs up. When ‘Boss Man’ tries to call again, Minghao turns off the cellphone’s ringer and goes back to cleaning.
He cleans until there’s not a speck of dust in the bedroom. And when that’s done, he goes to work on the grout in the bathroom, the oil stains in the kitchen. He’s not really sure what he’s doing. Occasionally, he’ll stop in the middle of a chore, wondering if it’s finally time for him to be shaken out of this mundane, long-winded dream.
Night falls. His ‘mother’ texts about taking on an extra shift. She says something about food in the refrigerator, but Minghao can’t be bothered; he’s so exhausted that he blacks out the moment his head hits his pillow.
He doesn’t even have the energy to contemplate the mechanics of falling asleep in what’s supposed to be a dream.
On Thursday, Minghao wakes up back in his dorm.
When he hears the familiar chime of his morning alarm, when he opens his eyes and sees beige, he feels a wave of relief. It really had all been a dream. A very realistic one, sure. But a dream all the same. He was awake now, and he was ready to go about his Wednesday schedule—
Except, when he checks his phone, it says that it’s already Thursday.
Minghao blinks. How long was he out? Surely one of the boys would’ve dragged him out of bed if he’d been out of commission for twenty-four hours.
He unlocks his phone to a dozen unread messages. Eyebrows furrowed, he decides to first go with Seungcheol’s texts.
🍒: myungho 🍒: are you feeling better? 🐸: Hyung, hi. I think I just overslept a bit but I’m feeling ok.
Despite the early morning, the three dots indicating that Seungcheol is typing pop up.
🍒: are you sure??? 🍒: you had us worried 🐸: Did I really sleep that long? 🍒: i mean, i don’t know how long you slept 🍒: was that the problem? were you hysterical yesterday because of lack of sleep? ㅋㅋㅋ
Suddenly, Minghao’s room feels a lot colder than earlier. Hysterical. That was the word Seungcheol had used. And yesterday— Tuesday? Nothing out of the ordinary had happened to Minghao. It was all the usual; he had practiced, eaten dinner out with Soonyougn, then went home.
The dream had been the only unusual thing about the day prior. Minghao is jolted when Seungcheol sends another slew of texts.
🍒: seriously 🍒: i was worried i might have to bring you to the hospital or something 🍒: but you say you’re ok now?
Minghao can’t help it anymore. He dials Seungcheol’s number and puts the phone to his ear, his heart pounding in his chest all the while.
Seungcheol answers on the first ring. In lieu of a greeting, Minghao jumps straight into “Was I really— hysterical, yesterday?”
There’s a pause on the other end of the line. When Seungcheol speaks, he still sounds a touch gruff, like he’s only half-awake. “I mean, kind of. What, are you worried about it? Do you need help apologizing to Mingyu?”
Apologizing to Mingyu? “What— is Mingyu mad at me?”
“Uh.” There’s some sounds of shuffling on the other end, as if Seungcheol is sitting up. It’s a pretty clear giveaway of his growing concern. “You might have to ask him that. But, Hao— you sure you’re better?”
Minghao swallows around the lump in his throat. He doesn’t know where to start without sounding insane.
“I think I’m still feeling a bit off,” Minghao says weakly. “Must be the flu or something.”
“I can come over.”
“No, no. I think I just need some rest.”
Seungcheol lets out a contemplative hum. “Alright,” he says, though he doesn’t sound all too convinced. “I’ll keep the boys off your back for the day. Text me if you need anything, and maybe text Mingyu when you can.”
“Text Mingyu,” Minghao repeats absentmindedly. “Yeah, got it.”
The call ends without anything more. Minghao stays seated in his bed for a long moment, just staring at the call log.
Seungcheol had called him hysterical. Mingyu was upset with him.
Something was definitely not right.
Minghao’s suspicion is only confirmed when he goes to check the texts he’d gotten from other members.
🐯: need to call u about choreo but preferably u dont yell at me this time 😒 let me know when’s a good time 🐱: Are u ok? Or did u actually ditch me for our dinner (bec if then, wtf) 🦖: i’ve been in the practice room for an hour now!!!!!! Where are you!!!
If Minghao wasn’t already sitting down, he might’ve collapsed.
He yelled at Soonyoung. He ditched Jun and Chan.
He had no memory of any of that.
But he remembers the shattered carafe, the seaweed soup, the shrill shrieks of ‘Boss Man’ in his ear.
For a moment, he’s convinced he’s just in another version of the same dream— except, this time, it looks a lot more like a nightmare. As Minghao finally musters up the energy to get to his feet, he notices something at the foot of his bed.
He unfurls the folded piece of paper. The handwriting isn’t anything he’s seen before. His eyes inadvertently skip to the very bottom, and his heart nearly stops in his damn chest. Minghao drops the paper like it had physically burnt him.
“What the fuck,” he mumbles to himself as he scrambles to his feet, as he puts distance between himself and the now-discarded paper. “What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck.”
At the very end of the handwritten letter had been a name.
The name that had been uttered by his dreamself’s mother. The name that ‘Boss Man’ had shrieked. A name he hadn’t heard before yesterday, before his dream—
Minghao is finding it increasingly hard to believe that it had been a dream in the first place. Hell, he doesn’t even know what ‘yesterday’ is anymore.
He paces his room. He does breathing exercises. He brews half a pot of tea.
None of it helps. Hours later— with all his texts still unanswered and his tea depleted— Minghao stumbles back to the letter.
I don’t know who you are, it starts. But I can tell you who I am.
I’m from Umyeon-deong in Seocho. I live with my mother; my father hasn’t been in the picture for a long time. I work as an editorial assistant for a local newspaper. (It’s not exactly what I want to be doing, although that’s a story for another day.)
For a big part of today, I thought I was dreaming. I keep thinking I’m going to wake up back in my bedroom, but the hours have ticked by and I’m still here. Your friends keep contacting you. It’s driving me insane. I accidentally yelled at two of them because they wouldn’t stop calling. The Mingyu one got really upset about it, I think. Sorry.
I’m writing this because I don’t know what else to do. If this is nothing but a dream, then this shouldn’t matter. But in the 0.000000001% chance that something truly insane has happened to me and you? Well, at least now you know.
I’m going to try and go to sleep now, although I must admit: You have some pretty nice stuff. I ate some of your tea and snacks (sorry, again). This is crazy. None of this makes sense.
The letter unceremoniously ends there. Minghao’s eyes flick again to the signoff, to the name at the very bottom.
Your name.
His head is reeling. He feels like he’s going to be sick.
This is no coincidence, no practical joke. It’s— as you’ve said— truly something insane happening.
Minghao is struck with the realization that it just might happen again, and this time, he actually does get sick. He ends up hurling into a trash can.
After brushing his teeth, chugging some water, and running through one too many of the chips in his pantry, Minghao gets back to the letter.
It’s still there, in his hands. The stationary that was locked away in his drawer, bearing handwriting that is not his.
None of the boys would pull off a prank as elaborate as this. Minghao is fairly certain he would’ve noticed if any of them snuck in, too. So, now, the only logical explanation was the one that was left.
And Minghao really didn’t like that explanation.
For what feels like forever, he contemplates what to do. He considers calling up Seungcheol again. He debates the merits of apologizing to Mingyu and Soonyoung; he decides against it when he realizes he wouldn’t even know what he’s apologizing for. He knows what to say to Jun and Chan at least, but that doesn’t make it any easier. How would Minghao even begin to justify himself? Hey, sorry for ditching you; I think I body swapped with a complete stranger. Let’s grab dinner tonight instead?
There’s a headache blossoming behind Minghao’s eyes at the mere thought of putting the words out into existence.
In the end, he does what he deems to be the easiest thing to do. He picks up a pen and writes on the other side of your letter.
Hello, he begins. I’m The8 Myungho Minghao.
I’m an idol who’s part of a group called SEVENTEEN. They’re the friends who keep contacting me. Mingyu is a fellow member and good friend of mine. I’ll talk to him.
My family is in a different country.
As Minghao goes on to write the next parts, he feels a bit foolish. He doesn’t really know what to say, though he feels like he should say something. You had given him something to work with, after all. Slivers of context. He should be able to do the same for you.
I met your mother. She’s nice.
I talked to your boss. He wasn’t happy. He yelled at you (me?), and I may or may not have put down the phone. I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure what your work was so I ended up not going at all.
I hope you liked the tea. Feel free to have all the snacks you want.
And you’re right. This is crazy.
If I’m lucky, you’ll never need this letter.
Minghao wakes up on Friday to the realization that he is decidedly unlucky.
The loud alarm is back, and the ceiling is dark green again, and Minghao once again leans over to throw up. Luckily, there’s a bedside garbage bin that comes to the rescue.
There’s no sun this time. It’s fairly gloomy outside, the overcast skies peeking through the windows.
Minghao immediately notices that there’s a folded piece of paper on the pillow next to him. He unfurls it so fast that he almost tears it in half.
This is a precaution, you start. Maybe, come tomorrow, I can just chuck this out and chalk it all up to a one-off freak incident.
The thought of this phenomenon not being a one-off nearly has bile rising up in Minghao’s throat all over again, but he forces himself to read the rest of your words.
First off, I guess I should thank you. My room has never been this clean in my life! And you should have seen the look on my mother’s face when she saw that ‘I’ cleaned the entire apartment. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I was possessed, for the lack of better term, by someone who is a much better person than me.
That almost makes Minghao smile. Almost, because the next part sends a pang of guilt through him.
Secondly, though, you almost cost me my job. I can’t believe you hung up on my boss, Donghyuk. I had to do some serious damage control. I managed to get today off, just in case.
Minghao is struck by your foresight and, adversely, his absolute lack of it. The most he had to do was appease a sulky Mingyu and message back the rest of the boys. His brain races to figure out if he has any schedules for— Friday, was it? A practice, maybe. Or a recording.
Either way, he’s screwed. You’re screwed.
Minghao his face in one hand and quietly prays that you know how to dance.
He skims over the rest of your letter.
I don’t know why this is a thing. I don’t know if it is meant to be a thing. I’m going to try and look for some answers, whether or not I wake up as you/myself.
Wish me luck.
A small part of Minghao feels a tug at the thought of both of you ending your letters with the concept of luck. That feeling is quickly replaced by something akin to dread, because he’s fairly convinced that this is no longer a dream.
Minghao has woken up in a body that isn’t his. Minghao has woken up in your body— the body of a person he’s sure he’s never met.
He has to live a day in your life with nothing to go by but the notes you’ve left and a handful of context clues.
For a moment, Minghao contemplates just going back to sleep. Maybe if the both of you just slept right now, the switch would trigger. Maybe he could just spend the whole day in bed until you have to swap again.
The latter seems like the best idea until knuckles rap against the bedroom door.
Your mother pops her head through the crack in the door. “I’m going to leave early today. The rain isn’t looking so good,” she says with a slight grimace.
Minghao glances out the window. It’s all he can do, really, to keep himself from not going insane then and there.
“Take care,” he says.
He’s suddenly acutely aware of your voice— the cadence and timbre of it. He knows what you sound like, how you write, and he wonders how the two might combine. What might be the right thing to say in this situation.
Because your mother has that look again, that openly dubious expression.
“Are you alright?” she asks cautiously, not quite stepping into the bedroom just yet.
A flash of panic rises up in Minghao. What would you say? What would you do?
“Why wouldn’t I be?” His tone’s just a little haughty now. It’s so uncharacteristic of him that Minghao nearly winces, but he persists. “Go on, don’t get caught in the rain.”
Your mother lets out a huff of a laugh, mumbling something like ‘ungrateful kid’ as she retreats. Despite that, it seems to work; she takes her leave without another protest. Minghao lets out a shaky breath.
His— your stomach, really— lets out a low grumble. A part of him wonders if you’ve been just on edge as he’s been. Unable to eat properly, losing sleep over this whole thing.
Regardless, the least he can do is take care of you. He pads over to the kitchen and rummages through the refrigerator for some leftovers. All the while, he’s thinking of what he has in his own kitchen.
Will you be hungry? You did say you liked his snacks. Would that be enough?
The questions rattling in his head turn into considerably more stressful ones.
Is this going to happen forever? Will he have to spend the rest of his life swapping bodies with you on a day-to-day basis?
He thinks of the group, thinks of your mother. Thinks of his demanding job and your terrible boss.
Minghao nearly panics again. He manages to keep it together enough to make a sandwich and sip some coffee.
He tries to meditate, even, but it’s like your body knows that it’s not a practice that you frequent. Your hands twitch in the stillness; your heart only slams harder instead of calming. You need to catch a goddamn break, Minghao thinks as he grits his teeth and tries to relax.
Something good comes out of his attempt, at least. It comes as an epiphany of some sorts— how he suddenly remembers a portion of your letter.
I’m going to try and look for some answers, you had written.
He might as well do the same.
Once he’s changed into outerwear that’s slightly more acceptable for the rainy weather, he spends a good amount of time searching for your wallet. When he goes to check it, he inadvertently lets out a grumbled “damn.”
Your wallet has nothing but a couple of loose bills.
Minghao can’t blame you, not really, but you’re certainly giving him very little to work with. A part of him even feels kind of bad for you. Not only did you have a demon for a boss; you were also severely underpaid. He makes a mental note to bring that up in his next letter to you.
He can’t go far with the lack of funds, though that’s not the only thing hindering his quest for answers. It’s pouring outside, the rain coming in heavy droplets.
Minghao braves it with a raincoat and an umbrella, hoping against hope to find something. Anything.
As luck would have it, your neighborhood has a local library.
When he steps in, the librarian doesn’t pay him much heed. Minghao is momentarily amused by the thought. Did you not come here often?
It’s a quaint place with a scarce collection. A lot of the novels are on the older end— published nearly a decade ago— but they remain in pristine condition. Minghao skips over the best-sellers and the manga serieses, instead opting to sift through the psychology textbooks.
He’s not surprised when he doesn’t find anything of use there, when he spends nearly four hours reading and reading to no avail. The lack of non-fiction about a body swapping phenomenon is to be expected. This wasn’t something that just happened, after all.
And yet it’s happening to me, Minghao thinks with frustration as he grabs at his sixth book of the afternoon. The unexpected force knocks some of the surrounding books onto the floor.
The librarian gives him a vicious side eye.
“Sorry, sorry,” Minghao mumbles as he immediately gets to his knees.
His hands close around one of the books he knocked over. It’s a heavy hardbound with a gorgeous deep red cover and metallic gold lettering. There’s a dragon featured on the front and the familiar iconography of it nearly bowls Minghao over.
While still crouched down on the floor, Minghao flips through the pages. The images that go flashing by are not strangers to him, but there’s one in particular that he’s looking for.
He finds it on the thirtieth page. Almost out of instinct, his fingers trace over the characters.
月老. Yue Lao.
Suddenly, Minghao is a child again, listening to his mother’s stories. He had been young and wide-eyed, sprawled on her lap as she talked soothingly about the god who presented himself as an old man under the moon.
The god of marriage and love. He’s the reason why your bàba and I met, his mother would say amusedly. Yue Lao made it possible.
How? His younger self had demanded. How did he make sure?
His mother had laughed, then. Had stroked Minghao’s hair out of his face as she told him about the myth. The magical cord may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.
And, oh, how Minghao had prayed back then. He prayed to Yue Lao the hardest— his eyes squeezed shut, his hands clasped to his chest.
I hope I find love.
It doesn’t matter when, or where, or how.
Qǐng, Yue Lao. Please, please, please.
“Are you going to check that out or what?”
Minghao is dragged out of his memories at the sound of the librarian’s sharp tone. “I—”
The words stick in his throat. Eventually, he manages a meek, “I’ll put it back.”
It’s still pouring as he leaves the library and makes the short walk back to your apartment. The rainwater pooling in the gutters has muck and grime sticking to the bottom of his— technically your— rain boots. Another thing to apologize for, Minghao thinks wryly.
He seeks temporary shelter underneath the corner store near your apartment block. The vendor looks up expectantly.
“The usual?” the woman croaks, and it takes a moment for Minghao to register that he’s being addressed.
“Not today,” he responds with a tight smile.
The vendor lets out a bark of laughter. “When have you ever said ‘no’ to me?” she says with a tut of disapproval. Before Minghao can protest, the stranger is already shuffling over to her cooking station.
Minghao watches in silence when he realizes what’s being made. Some fruit is speared onto a bamboo skewer, then dipped into a simmering syrup. It emerges coated like a clear gemstone before it’s shoved into a bowl of ice.
Tanghulu, Minghao thinks dazedly as he accepts the snack. “Thank you,” he says softly.
The vendor smiles. She’s already missing a couple of teeth.
Minghao takes a tentative bite. Tanghulu was a familiar enough delicacy, but the fruit he'd been given— your ‘usual’— is something he hasn't seen in quite some time.
The date-plum persimmon is soft and glutinous, wrapped in a thin layer of crisp sweetness. Minghao can't remember the last time he had black jujube this way.
“You’re still the only one who likes that stuff.” There’s an edge of fondness to the vendor’s tone. A clear indicator that you have some sort of camaraderie with her, something that Minghao isn’t entirely privy to. “Do you know how hard it is to find stock of that darn fruit?”
It seems like a rhetorical question, like something that you’d probably take in stride. But Minghao can’t bring himself to joke. His free hand is already fishing for your wallet, where he’s prepared to blow the last of your money on this dessert.
The vendor shakes her head. “Not today,” she chirps, echoing Minghao’s words from earlier. Her gaze is fixed over his shoulder, where the downpour is relentless.
Minghao is not quite sure what the norm is supposed to be. Do the two of you talk? Do you leave right after you’ve made your purchase?
He doesn’t want to be rude, so he mumbles his gratitude and decides to stick around for a moment. The vendor thankfully chooses not to make conversation.
Minghao spends a long time just standing there, making slow work of the sticky date-plum. He watches the rain that never lets up. He watches the lights of your apartment building flicker on as night falls. He watches, and he tries to commit it to memory as he finishes off his tanghulu.
For what it’s worth, he’s glad to ‘share’ this with you— something sweet to get the both of you by.
Come Saturday, Minghao wakes up with more questions than answers.
Your letter is within reach, resting atop his bedside table. He goes to read it despite the fact that he’s barely lucid.
It’s shorter this time. If he strained, he could almost hear the words in your voice. A distant echo.
I can’t believe you’re actually an idol. Have you met BIGBANG?
That draws a surprised laugh out of him. It’s been years since he last heard of his industry seniors. The thought of you being a second gen fan is a little endearing to him.
Anyway, I told everyone who contacted you that you were really sick. Like, throwing up levels of sick. ‘Coups-hyung’ said he would send a manager, but I assured him that you already had one on the way. You might want to corroborate that lie.
I know I said I would look for answers, but I couldn’t really go far. I was scared of getting lost. And, man, your neighborhood is overwhelming. I’ve lived in Seoul my whole life and I don’t think I’ve ever been in this part of the city.
I ended up spending most of my day just reading your books. Good taste.
The compliment puts the smallest grin on his face.
I promise to do better research when I’m back in my own body. ‘Till then.
As curt as your letter is, it gives him an idea he probably wouldn’t have had otherwise. Better research. Back in his own body.
He fishes for your first letter, which he had kept tucked in his drawer. It’s still there, which means the past couple of days have not been a bout of psychosis. He doesn’t know if he’s relieved or horrified.
Minghao focuses instead on scanning your introduction, where you had mentioned your neighborhood. Umyeon-deong.
While he’s in the back of the cab, Minghao texts back his members. He’s vague, still, but it’s not anything particularly new. Feeling a little better. Getting a check-up, just in case. Stop worrying. I’ll let you know how it goes.
The heat is oppressive for July, almost beating down on Minghao’s back as he finally makes it to the district. It’s a full 180 from yesterday’s rain. He regrets the baseball cap and the hoodie, but both are necessary evils.
He’s not entirely sure where to drop off, so he settles for one of the corners at the mouth of the neighborhood. Once he’s there, he just— begins to walk in a general direction.
Later, he realizes he probably could have pulled up Google Maps. He would have benefited from asking around, would have cut his time in half if he deigned to admit that he was lost. But, at the moment, he’s just taking it all in.
The apartment complexes. The children’s park. The liquor store.
Briefly, he wonders if he’ll run into you. Would you recognize him?
Would he even want you to?
Minghao is so busy mulling it over that he almost misses it. The streetside food stand advertising fresh tanghulu. It feels like yesterday— well, it was yesterday. His mouth is already watering at the thought of the candied date-plums as he wanders over to the stand.
A rasping voice addresses him. He looks up from scanning the selection, realizing with a jolt that it’s the same vendor.
But it’s also— not.
Something is off.
Something he can’t quite place.
It almost steals the breath out of Minghao. He probably looks dumbstruck, looks stupid with his mouth hanging slightly agape, but the vendor asks again, “What do you want?”
Minghao forces an answer out of his chest. “Do you have— black jujube?”
A myriad of micro expressions flash across the seller’s face. It starts with recognition, but ends with something closer to tightness. She gives a labored grunt in response before going to make the snack.
When she hands it over to Minghao, there’s a slight quiver in her fingers. She nearly drops it, even, but Minghao catches it just in time.
“Sorry,” she grouses. “It’s an order that a regular of mine used to have.”
There’s a low ringing in Minghao’s ears as he says “ah,” as he hands over his payment. The vendor busies herself with cleaning her workstation, and Minghao tries to enjoy the date-plums, but it’s not as good as he remembers it.
Was it perhaps a difference in taste buds?
No, he thinks. It’s the lump in his throat. It’s the seller’s words nagging at the back of his mind.
An order that a regular of mine used to have. Used to.
He saw her yesterday. You were supposed to have seen her yesterday.
As he munches on the fruit, he asks almost too casually, “Is it your first time selling in this area?”
The vendor shoots him a suspicious glare. Minghao knows he’s being a little odd with the line of his small talk so he fields his question, tries to make it come out more naturally. “I remember you used to have a spot somewhere else,” he offers. “In front of an apartment building.”
This time, it’s the seller’s turn to mumble “ah.”
“That’s why you had that order,” she says with a humorless laugh. “You knew them, huh?”
“Them?”
The vendor says your name. The ringing in Minghao’s ear gets louder; his fingers, tightening around the skewer of his tanghulu. It’s the first time he’s hearing your name in his own body and it sends a shiver down his spine.
The question is even harder to answer. Does he know you? Was he allowed to say that?---
No. No, wait. The vendor had said knew.
The ringing reaches an almost feverish pitch. It’s a miracle that Minghao hears anything else, that he picks up the murmured words that the seller says next.
“It’s a real shame,” she says with a voice so soft, so solemn, so small. “It’s been nine years, hasn’t it?”
Nine years.
Nine years.
Nine years.
Since what? Since you?
A lot of things haven’t made sense to Minghao in the past couple of days, but this— this is the one that baffles him the most. He saw you— he was you— yesterday.
When Minghao finally finds his voice, it’s to ask for a favor.
The vendor complies, albeit skeptically. She hangs a ‘be right back’ sign over her stall. It’s a short walk, not more than seven minutes.
If Minghao’s ears had been ringing earlier, now, it’s just dead silence. A dreadful sort of quiet as he stares at the ruins of the apartment building he was staring at just the day before.
The seller is watching his face carefully. “You didn’t know?” she prompts gently.
Minghao realizes he has to come up with something. “We were friends. Me and—” He chokes around your name. When he finally says it out loud for the first time, he feels guilty. It feels so wrong to be saying it in this context. To have it be part of a lie. “But then—”
He trails off. The vendor supplies, “You lost touch?”
Sure. Minghao gives a jerky nod in response. That’s one way to put it.
He’s not even looking for an explanation, but the seller gives him one. “The typhoon was so bad that it triggered landslides,” she says gruffly. She nods towards the direction of the mountain towering over the neighborhood. “I think the death toll was around eighteen people.”
Minghao resists the urge to scream. If he were a lesser man, he might have fainted. Instead, he quietly says, “Nine years ago.”
“Nine years ago,” the vendor confirms. She pauses before adding, her voice just a little sadder, “A tragedy.”
“Tragedy,” Minghao repeats. That doesn’t even begin to cover it, he thinks.
Neither of them say anything for a long time. He can feel the pity rolling off the seller in waves; still, he can’t bring himself to turn away. He stares, and he stares, and he stares at the rubble, at the derelict building. At the mere echo of what had been so loud and alive to him just yesterday.
After what feels like forever, he asks another question. “Is— is the library still around?”
The vendor leads the way. At the door of the library, she attempts to give Minghao a reassuring smile. It’s all just gums, now. No teeth. There’s an endless refrain of nine years, nine years, nine years screeching through Minghao’s head as the seller bids him goodbye with “I’m sorry you lost your friend.”
“I’m sorry, too,” he responds with a solemnity that doesn’t need to be feigned.
The librarian isn’t the same one.
This one has a calmer demeanor, a more restrained smile. Somehow, that only makes Minghao feel much worse. He knows what he’s looking for this time; he goes straight to the neighborhood records and scrolls all the way back to nine years ago. 2015.
It’s a lot of information to digest all at once. There’s the news clippings about the heavy rainfall. The flash floods, the landslides. Class action lawsuits. Landmine threats. Government incompetence.
Minghao feels like he’s drowning in information, but it’s still not what he’s looking for.
He finds it in a directory. There’s two people with the same last name and Minghao nearly loses it then and there, at the thought of your mother, too—
He focuses on you for now. His quivering finger traces the cell that contains your name, your date of birth. 1997. The same year as him. A couple of months younger, though.
Nine years ago, Minghao had been 18. Just about to debut.
Nine years ago, you had been an editorial assistant. Not exactly what I want to be doing, you had written in your first letter to him. There was no way for you to know that you would never have the chance to be anything more.
Minghao’s eyes fall on the date of death.
Except—
It’s not nine years ago yesterday, not nine years ago today. It’s tomorrow.
In that very moment, he understands what he’s meant to do.
When Minghao wakes up in your body on Sunday, he knows he has only one chance.
He had read up all about it the ‘day’ prior but the details were vague. None of the news reports mentioned when exactly the landslide would happen. The most he gleamed was that it would be due to an unstable slope from the nearby Mount Umyeon.
A wall of mud three storeys high hit the building, one article had said. It’s the only information that Minghao has to go by as he drags himself out of bed, ignoring the blare of your obnoxious alarm.
He goes straight for your mother’s room. She’s already awake, standing by the window.
Outside, the storm rages on. Your mother turns to face Minghao. “It’s not looking good out there,” she says disapprovingly. “The news said it’s the heaviest rainfall in nearly a century.”
Back in his body, Minghao had contemplated how he would go about this. He thought he might try to coax your mother, might be logical and rational in urging her to evacuate.
In that very moment, though, he instead finds himself blurting out, “We’re going to die.”
A beat. Your mother looks unfazed.
“You’re always so dramatic.”
The panic simmers in the pit of Minghao’s stomach. “We’re going to die,” he repeats, his tone on the shriller end now.
It wasn’t like him to give in to hysteria; he was you, though, and your mother seemed nonchalant enough about it. He’s not sure if that’s a blessing or a curse. “It’s just a little bit of rain,” your mother says dismissively as she squeezes past Minghao and heads towards the kitchen.
Minghao is on her heels, his hands wringing together. “We can’t stay here,” he pleads. “We have to leave.”
Your mother shoots Minghao— you— an exasperated look. “Where are we going to go in this weather?”
“No. No, no. We have to go somewhere safe.”
“We’re safe here—”
“We’re not—”
It’s almost like a crack of thunder, the way your mother says your name. The sound shuts Minghao up immediately. It’s a familiar warning, an intonation that all mothers seem to wield over their children.
“What’s going on with you, really?” your mother questions, her hands at her hips. She’s eyeing Minghao with mild annoyance but he sees it for what it is. Concern. “You’ve been so odd these past few days. Is there something you’re not telling me?”
And how is Minghao supposed to answer that?
I’m not actually your child. I’ve swapped bodies with a man who lives nine years in the future. Our survival hinges on whether or not you’ll hear me out.
When Minghao stays silent for a little too long, your mother shakes her head. “Get it together,” she says sternly.
Maybe it’s that. Maybe that’s what finally gets Minghao to say—
“Please.”
Your mother pauses in the middle of rifling the refrigerator. For a long, terrible moment, the only sound is the rain.
Minghao’s hands are shaking at his side. “Please,” he repeats. He knows he sounds more like himself than you. He knows he’s being out of character, being obvious.
But he needs your mother to understand. She’s looking at him now like he’s a stranger.
Like you’re a stranger. And you are— at least in that moment.
The words tumble out of Minghao before he can contain them. “I want to live.”
He doesn’t know where it’s all coming from, this rush of emotion. Your voice wavers; he pushes on. “I want to live,” he gasps out. “I want to move us to an apartment that’s not next to a damn mountain. I want to not work in this damn job. I want to live until I’m your age, until I’m even older than that, dammit—”
Your mother crosses the room, the refrigerator long forgotten. When she raises a hand to Minghao’s face, he doesn’t even realize that some tears had escaped.
These are all things he wants for you, he realizes.
He wants you to have a good job. He wants you and your mother to be out of harm’s way. He wants you to live a long, full life.
“Please,” Minghao says a third time, his voice cracking around the word.
There’s a softness to your mother’s gaze; this time, her worry is undeniable. She holds Minghao’s face— no, he thinks. She’s holding your face. Her child’s face. Her child, who’s crying, who’s begging.
That’s likely the reason why she acquiesces. “Alright,” she exhales, using her thumb to wipe away some of Minghao’s tears. “We’ll leave. We’ll go.”
That’s only half the battle, though.
Minghao mutters something below his breath. Your mother raises her eyebrows in a silent question, and so he clears his throat before speaking louder.
“We have to evacuate the entire building,” he mumbles.
It takes time to convince your mother, which stresses Minghao out beyond belief. Time isn’t a luxury that he has. Not when he has no idea when the landslide will hit. Not when the rain is only worsening, making it less likely to persuade people to leave the comfort of their homes.
By some grace, he manages to get your mother on board. Sure, he had to spew odd specifics and statistics about the dangers of landslides, but it works. The two go door to door.
They’re met with initial resistance. Minghao doesn’t care.
He badgers the elderly. He negotiates with the children. He almost gets to his knees when a family with a baby refuses to budge.
The entire apartment complex is bewildered.
But when somebody is batting so hard for safety, when somebody is so desperate in what seems to be just a little more than paranoia— you listen.
The landslide hits just as Minghao is helping the last resident out of the building.
He’s never felt anything quite like it. He’s experienced earthquakes and their aftershocks. He’s been in stadiums that have shook with the sheer amount of people, the pulse of their music.
This one starts with a rumble. Low and deep, like it’s coming from the very ground. He hears the trees crack, the boulders knock together. And then—
Your mother is grabbing him by the arm. She’s screaming, screaming, screaming, the sound drowned out by the storm, by the shrieks of all the other evacuated residents, by the mud that suddenly crashes down on the complex in one fell swoop. It’s everything, everywhere, all at once.
Minghao is soaked from head to toe. Some of the mud flies and sticks to his hair, his clothes. He can almost taste it, too. The earth. The rain. He feels the chill to his very bones.
Despite that, he laughs. Your mother is dragging him, you, away from the calamity, the tragedy, and all that Minghao can do is laugh.
Because he made sure that no one was left in the building.
Because he’s alive.
You’re alive.
Later, when everyone is gathered in an evacuation center— shivering underneath blankets, talking about how it was all such a close call— Minghao falls asleep at your mother’s side. He feels like a kid again, with his hair being stroked, with soft words being uttered to him.
He drifts off and dreams.
Minghao is sure that this is a dream because his surroundings take on the hazy quality of one.
It’s just a little too bright to be real, the setting bathed in a light that feels almost like a bulb had exploded. Minghao has to put one hand over his eyes—
It’s his hand, he realizes. He’s dreaming as himself.
His sight adjusts. He’s at a dining table. It’s a two-person dining table. Much smaller than he’s used to.
“It’s you.”
He drops his hand and braces it against the edge of the table, because your voice— he should be used to it, shouldn’t he? He had used it for a bit, formed words like sorry and thank you with a lilting tone.
When he responds, his own words are imperceptibly soft.
“It’s me,” he confirms.
You’re seated across from him. He had caught glimpses of your features in reflections, in photographs, but it’s something entirely new. To be taking you in from an outsider’s perspective. He sees how you would control your body, how you were inclined to react. It makes him dizzy, just how much he had gotten wrong about your mannerisms.
The first proper words you speak are, “You have some good friends, you know?”
A corner of Minghao’s lip twitches upward. The thought of the boys constantly checking in on him seems about right.
“And you have a good mother.” Minghao pauses. He did say he would mention the next part. “Terrible job, though. You should quit.”
“Easy for you to say, Mr. Idol,” you shoot right back.
He winces; you laugh. The sound has the edges of his vision growing fuzzy. A sepia of the past, the present, and whatever this moment is, all blurring into one. Minghao doesn’t want to wake up.
“What happens now?” you ask, your own fingers tap, tap, tapping on the table between you two.
“I’m not sure.”
“Why—?”
“— Did this happen in the first place?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ve wondered the same thing.”
The edges are closing in a little more now. Minghao can feel it— the familiar warmth of his bed at home, the tug of his own time. He’s already asked so much from his mother’s old gods but he lets his eyes flutter close so he can make a final plea.
Just one more minute. Give me one more minute, please.
“I think…” he starts slowly. His voice already sounds so distant. “It’s my fault.”
“Your fault.” Skepticism undercuts your tone, enough to prompt Minghao to open his eyes again.
He looks down at his hands, the ones that had folded atop the table. “I prayed for you,” he admits quietly. “Every day, back when I was a kid.”
Confusion drips from your every word. “For me specifically?”
He laughs. “Okay, maybe not you specifically,” he amends. “But—”
It’s getting unbearably bright now, so much that he can only really make out the silhouette of your form. He itches to reach, to touch, just to see if you’re real. He doesn’t want to push it, though.
Minghao settles with holding up his hand. If you squinted, if you really, really tried, you might see it, too.
The faint glimmer of a red cord— looped around his thumb, tied to your pinky.
Every day, back when I was a kid.
“I prayed for this,” he repeats.
And so, in some way, he supposes you’re right.
He had prayed for you.
The chime of bells.
The beige ceiling.
Minghao is fairly sure he had dreamt, but it’s the kind of dream you forget the moment you wake up.
He blinks once, then twice. Odd. It felt like a good dream, too.
There’s a warm, fuzzy feeling blossoming in his chest, though it fades just as quickly as it blooms.
Minghao never wakes up as you again.
The universe takes, and takes, and takes. It takes away Minghao’s memory. He’s not entirely sure what happened to him those couple of days. Seungcheol says he went to the hospital. Mingyu laments that they fought.
Minghao borrows one of Soonyoung’s favorite words. Funk. He had been in a funk, probably. An off couple of days.
He’s back to regular programming so seamlessly that the others are forced to believe him.
Still—
Minghao goes about the next couple of weeks feeling like something is missing.
It annoys him to no end. It’s not any of his valuables, he’s sure. He double, triple checked everything. He turns his entire apartment upside down and puts it back together again. He goes for meals with all of his members, hoping to find the answers there.
Nothing.
He falls into dreamless sleep every night, and wakes up every morning with that empty feeling in his chest.
It’s an unassuming Wednesday evening— one that he spends driving around with Vernon and Wonwoo— when it hits him.
“Hey,” he says, throwing them a glance through the rearview mirror. “I could go for some dessert.”
Vernon perks up at that. “Should we head to Myeongdeong?”
“Sounds good.”
Vernon throws out directions. Wonwoo queues the music.
Minghao keeps his eyes on the road ahead.
The night market is an assault on the senses but it’s also a good cover for the three idols. They set out with their matching hoodies and half-face masks, in search of something to fulfill their cravings.
Vernon goes to get some dragon’s beard candy.
Wonwoo wanders off to purchase some hotteok.
Minghao… He isn’t sure, really, which is a bit ironic. He had been the one to make the call, after all. He weaves through the crowds, his hands in his jacket pockets, as he scrutinizes the stalls.
Kkwabaegi. Bungeoppang. Tanghulu. Dalgona. Bing—
He backs up a bit.
“Hi,” he greets the seller. “This is a bit weird, but do you have black jujube?”
The tanghulu vendor lets out a grunt of approval. “I think I’ve got one more stick,” she notes as he ducks to check her stock.
What a weird craving, Minghao thinks to himself. But it’s the first thing that came to mind.
A voice at his side addresses the seller by name.
“Got my date-plum persimmon, ajumma?”
It’s not a voice that Minghao has heard before, and yet—
Frantically, he tries to sort through the hundreds of fansigns and fan meetings he’s had in the past decade. Could it be that? Could that be the reason why the lilt was so damn familiar?
As he turns to look at the source, he knows in his heart of hearts that it’s not the case.
You’re already turning away, though, grumbling about the lack of the tanghulu that you want. Minghao hadn’t even heard the vendor respond.
There’s a ringing in his ears.
“Excuse me,” he manages.
You falter in your steps. When you look up at him, he sees the same flash of confusion. One that’s borne out of recognition.
The ringing has gotten louder. Despite that, he pushes out three words.
He thinks he’s yelling them; in reality, they’re barely audible over the din of the night market.
“Haven’t we met?” he breathes.
For one dreadful, dragging moment, he’s convinced he’ll die if you say no, even though his mind is being terribly uncooperative. He can’t place when, or where, or how he met you. He can’t say if you’re familiar because he knows you or someone like you.
All he knows is that he can’t, won’t let you walk away.
Your response makes everything in Minghao’s head go quiet.
“I thought so, too,” you say, and something in his chest thrums.
It feels a lot like an answered prayer.
#minghao x reader#xu minghao x reader#the8 x reader#seventeen x reader#svt x reader#minghao fic#the8 fic#minghao imagines#the8 imagines#ylangelegy the8 days of minghao#minghao fanfiction#the8 fanfiction#minghao x you#the8 x you#➤ ylangelegy: mine#➤ ylangelegy: svt#( publishing this at 4am on my end of the world. good lord please just take this off my hands )#( i have Some gripes for what it's worth <3 haaapppy start of the series )
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hihi :333
sooo i was rotting in bed and was reading ur dazai like reader and i liked it alot 😼
so what if reader is a like a vice captain of a another division and acts like dazai and likes to tease and mess around with hoshino and narumi (basically just likes to mess around with everyone) so it's kinda hoshino x dazai like reader x narumi
thank u + have a great day 😸
(ur writing is really good 😜)
characters: hoshina soshiro x gn vice-captain dazai!reader x narumi gen
genre/warning: fluff, attempt at crack, leaning more towards platonic (bcs idt there's any ounce of romance in this... apart from like,, a few dirty jokes lol), set in a joint training camp between multiple divisions
a/n: omg yall rly love dazai!reader huh xD and thank you for the req ,, you're so sweet !! sorry for the delay, i'm glad my work could be your source of enjoyment while u were bedrotting haha
1.23k wc | narumi's ver | hoshina's ver
if someone's ever asked to describe you, they'd usually say something along the lines of humorous, arbitrarily smart or even ridiculous sometimes.
but for those who are unlucky enough to be close acquaintances with you, they'd rather say you're an anomaly. someone who is unpredictable and whimsical at times but intuitive, intelligent and too sharp-witted for your own good.
after years of knowing you, narumi gen has never had a day of peace whenever you were within his vicinity. it's always something or the other.
"why am i here with you again?" narumi grumbles under his breath, feeling icky in his own combat suit out of nowhere. the wind atop the highest building in the city where he's located at blows, ruffling his dual-toned hair.
your lips lift into a cheshire grin. "oh? have you already forgotten what vice-captain hasegawa said? my platoon is assigned to work with you, captain." you remind.
the man exhales before rolling his eyes. "i'd rather get eaten by a kaiju than have you here chasing after my ass," he mutters, and it makes you smile even wider. "what a shame. i'd have loved to have a tap on that ass," you sigh oh so woefully.
narumi halts in his steps, body rigid as the tips of his ears burn hot at your claim. "w-what the hell did you just say, you—!" he doesn't get to finish his sentence when the building suddenly shakes vigorously, sending everyone to tumble on their feet.
narumi clicks his tongue when a massive body of a snake-like kaiju slithers from below, looming over you two and the rest of the officers. "took you long enough to show up, damn reptile," he glares at the monster.
the kaiju hisses before spurting out a spray of some dark, viscous liquid. "watch out!" someone bellows from somewhere as everybody scatters, dashing away from getting hit by the sizzling and corrosive substance. narumi grips on your arm, pulling you behind him as he takes a step forward and readies his gun.
he doesn't get far as the snake starts lashing its heavy tail around, tearing more at the building and trembling the ground from the force. at that point, the building might as well just collapse from how tilted it's becoming.
"everyone, get off the building now!" you shout the order, helping your platoon members stand back up straight. your hand abruptly shoots out to hold the railings when the building is no longer standing straight, stabilizing yourself so that you wouldn't sway from the staggering force.
your eyes dart around as narumi, who has been distracting the kaiju from attacking the other officers while they're moving to other platforms, turns to you. "there's no time," he grits, noticing there's no escape route for both of you.
suddenly you hold his bicep, gaining his attention. narumi's about to ask what was wrong when you start running to the edge of the inclined building, dragging him along. his eyes widen in realization.
"wait, wait, no, what are you doing? y/n, hold on, NOOOOO—" the next thing he knew, he's already free falling from a tilted 150 meter building after being forced to jump off from it, his heart plummeting down alongside his physical form.
his scream is cut off when you yell at him to 'hang on tight, captain!' over the wind, the whizzing sound of something caught in his ears before there is a sudden jolt, and then the two of you are suspended in the air, swinging steadily from side to side.
he's convinced that he might've experienced a temporary death in the middle of that free fall.
when the two of you finally manage to get back on your feet, narumi quickly turns to you with a snarl, "are you crazy?! you could've told me first we were going to plunge ourselves into our impending doom!" he shrieks.
your eyes shine with mirth. "crazy? i was crazy once—" he interrupts your musing with a loud, stretched out groan, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "just focus on your job, vice-captain." he sighs in relent, eyeing the grappling hook gun that you had used.
he should really file a complaint on your behaviors to your captain one of these days... at least that's what narumi has been telling himself for the nth time after he started getting roped into your shenanigans one too many times. he wonders why he hasn’t done so until now.
"well, all in all, you're welcome for saving that cute little ass of yours, captain." you send him a wink as you walk away, causing him to combust where he stands when your words finally register in his head, embarrassedly throwing out curses with his vulgar mouth at your disappearing back.
narumi swears with you around, he's gonna grow literal grey hair and die young, and it's not because of a kaiju.
˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
“i heard the mission yesterday went well?”
you turn around when you hear hoshina approaching you from behind. “as well as it could possibly turn out. why? were you worried about me, hoshina-kun?” you tease, focusing your eyes on him now instead of assessing the officers who are training just a few feet below the watch tower you’re at.
hoshina scoffs, “please, i was more concerned about narumi who was unfortunate enough to get assigned with ya. and that’s sayin’ somethin’ cuz i barely even care about him,” he reproaches.
you snicker, shrugging nonchalantly, “i just gave him a little jumpscare, that’s all.” hoshina doesn’t believe that ‘little’ one bit so just he hums, “well, whatever i guess. he’s a big boy. he could handle whatever shit show ya put him through,”
at his words, your eyes gleam under the striking ray of the sun. “oh, he’s a big boy, alright…” you drawl, lips curling upwards in a smirk. hoshina mentally facepalms himself. “don’t ever make a dick joke about captain narumi around me again. that’s disgusting,” he grumbles.
suddenly a new voice interrupts you, “make a what about me?” narumi butts in, thick eyebrows furrowing in suspicion and mild curiosity. your eyes light up even further. “oh, captain narumi! nice timing! we were just talking about your d—“
“do not finish that sentence, vice-captain y/n,” hoshina glares at you. you only send him a pointed look, smiling innocently at him. the captain’s gaze bounces between the two of you. “were you two talking shit behind my back?” he crosses his arms angrily, though you and hoshina can only see a grumpy child who’s about to throw a tantrum and start stomping his foot on the ground.
“whatever makes ya think that?” hoshina counters.
“you’re not answering the question, bowl-cut bastard,” narumi argues back.
you decide to chime in, “you see, vice captain hoshina here—“ the man in question tenses, ready to oppose whatever claim you’re about to make before someone calls out in the distance, “narumi!” it’s hasegawa.
the three of you turn to look, and narumi visibly deflates at his own vice-captain’s scowling face. he sends you two one last glare, pointing at himself with two fingers and back at you two next, as if to say ‘i’m watching yall,’ before storming off.
hoshina huffs, and you let out a chuckle as you watch narumi getting smacked on the back of his head by hasegawa.
you sigh almost dreamily, “ah, i just love to push your buttons,”
“i’m going to push ya off this tower if ya keep this up,”
i'd like to believe that narumi is the cake-less one out of the two (it's canon actually. the empty cans in narumi's room told me so).
also this is me giving yall something to smile and giggle at before i drop the next part of OTST :)
--
©🅁🅈🄴🅂🄲🄰🄿🄰🄳🄴🅂. do not steal, translate or repost my work anywhere else !
#rye.works#kn8#kn8 x reader#kaiju no 8 x you#kaiju no 8 x reader#kaiju no 8#kaiju no. 8 x you#kaiju no.8 x reader#kaiju no.8#kaiju no. 8 x reader#kaiju no. 8#narumi gen#narumi gen x reader#narumi gen fluff#narumi gen x you#narumi gen x y/n#gen narumi x you#gen narumi x y/n#gen narumi x reader#gen narumi#hoshina soshiro fluff#hoshina fluff#hoshina x you#soshiro hoshina x reader#hoshina soushirou#hoshina soshiro x reader#hoshina x reader#soshiro hoshina#hoshina soshiro x you#hoshina soshiro x yn
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Teacher - Chapter III
Frank Castle x Inexperienced F!Reader
Summary: Frank invites you to hang out with him at a bar on the outskirts of town. After some good food, and lots of teasing, you get invited back to his place to take care of the problem you caused him.
Warnings: age gap (reader is in her early 20s), mentions of drinking and smoking, cursing, grinding, detailed handjob sorry, slight praise kink
Author's Note: I am so incredibly sorry for how long it took for this chapter to come out!! I had a lot of life issues that delayed this, but I'm pretty happy with how this turned out so please accept this super long chapter as my apology/holiday gift!! And if you want to be added to the tag list just let me know. As always, reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated :) Leave a comment or shoot me an ask!! I'd love to hear what you think!
Word Count: 9k
Previous Chapters: I, II
“So I was thinkin’… Said you didn’t get many experiences even after high school, right?” Frank asks. His voice slightly muffled through the phone, which is wedged between your ear and your shoulder as you drag the spatula over the food you’re cooking on the stove. He had randomly rang you out of the blue and, after attempting to control your breathing, you answered the call. This was what he chose to greet you with and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t confused by the topic of conversation.
“Good morning to you too,” you tease, the food sizzling as you flip it in the pan. “But no, I haven’t. Why? What’s up?” you question.
“There’s this bar on the edge of town,” he begins his offer. “Little bit of a drive but they got good food,” he explains.
“Tempting…” you trail off, trying not to immediately agree just because it’s Frank. “Who all is coming?”
“Just me,” he replies. “That alright?”
“Yeah!” Your answer is too loud and far too fast to be playing it cool. After cursing yourself mentally, you try again. “Yeah, I was just wondering if it was a whole… get-together thing.” Your voice grows quiet at the end, not wanting to plant the idea in his head that you’d prefer it if there were more people.
Honestly, you were surprised he was reaching out this soon after the bonfire. It was one of the best nights of your life. Whenever you think about it, there’s this warmth that rushes through you; you’re not sure if the heat was from the big flames or his strong chest you laid against all night.
“Nah, just me. Just thought it would be somethin’ you might like,” you push the spatula around in the teflon pan as he speaks. “Plus it’s another thing off the list, right?”
“Yeah, it is! Thanks, Frank,” you say cheerily as you turn the burner off and open the cupboards to grab two plates.
“No problem, kid. Just thought about you, y’know?” You sink your teeth in your lower lip to calm yourself down before another thought comes to mind.
“Oh! When are we going?”
“Tonight,” he answers nonchalantly and your eyes grow wide. “If you’re free.”
You seriously weren’t expecting him to want to see you only two days since you two were last together. In your head, Frank is so calm and collected and you’re practically certain that this… thing you two have going on isn’t as big of a deal to him as it is to you. Still, you try not to question too much why he actually seems to enjoy having you around. Instead, you decide to just take the good as it comes.
“I am, I can do tonight. But I’m not sure I have something to wear. Is it like a club? Should I dress up or is it more jeans and—?” You don’t even realize when your voice picks up in speed and the questions fly out faster than you intend for them to, but Frank is quick to center you out of the beginning of your spiral.
“Just wear somethin’ cute, alright? I’ve seen some of your outfits, sweetheart, you’ll be fine.” You bite the inside of your cheek at his comment and inhale deeply before sighing. “I’ll pick you up at six, okay?” You hum an agreement as he confirms the time and say a goodbye before hanging up.
As you pull the phone away from your ear, you see an incoming text from your best friend drop down from the top of the screen.
“I’m two minutes away! I can’t wait to hear everything.”
That night when you got home from the bonfire, she had sent many texts in hopes of finding out the reasoning behind the newfound closeness between you and Frank. In your exhausted and slightly inebriated state, you told her that you would have her over Saturday morning to explain it all to her. You were much too tired to string the words together and you also know how she can tend to put her own emotions onto words; the last thing you needed was for her to hear the little arrangement you and Frank have and blow it out of proportion.
You set the table as you wait for her, making sure to leave a mug beside her plate for her tea that tends to be the staple of her breakfast. By the time the food is divvied up for each of you, there’s an impatient knock at the door. You shake your head with a smile as you open the door and she’s pushing past you as the questions immediately begin to roll off her tongue.
After guiding her to the small dining table in the kitchen, you watch her sit down and her eyes never stray from you. Her voice continues to fill the air as she talks over herself; there’s no distinct end to one sentence and the beginning of the next. By the time you’re sitting beside her and about to dig into your meal she finally covers her mouth, stopping all the enthusiastic queries she desperately wants to know.
“I’m gonna let you talk,” she mumbles behind her palms. You laugh at her attempts to force herself to be quiet and pick up a forkful of your food.
“I promise you it’s not as exciting as you think it is,” you warn her before popping the food in your mouth.
You start at the beginning—trying to skim over the details of your not-so-controlled crush on Frank as well as the more heated parts of the things you two have done together. Excited gasps fill the space surrounding the dining table and you watch as her eyes go wide when you mention it was his idea. Her mouth gets the better of her though and she begins to ask more questions while you speak. You make sure to answer all of them in time, save for a few chuckles here and there, before finishing your last bite.
“I actually have a question for you now,” you start again, watching as confusion washes over her features. “Frank called me this morning and he wants to take me out to this bar he likes. I just don’t know what to wear and I was hoping… you could help me?” You hesitantly look up to face her and you’re met with a beaming grin.
“Is this a date?! Is this the first one? Are you going back to his place after?” You shake your head once again as the sudden influx of questions fill the air.
“No, it’s not a date. I mean… I don’t think it is?” you let your thought process be shown aloud and watch as her giddy expression comes back to the surface. “It’s not! We’re just friends and he’s doing me a favor. I’m sure of it.” You decide then and there that you can’t afford to hold out hope and expect more than what he’s given you—which is already so much.
She raises her eyebrows up from behind the rim of her mug and you scoff at her knowing look. You brush your hand through your hair and try your hardest to not let your anxiety creep in about the idea of being on a proper date with Frank Castle.
And so together the two of you spend the afternoon diving through your closet together for something that could fit. It felt similar to a movie montage where the teenage girls toss different colorful fabrics through the air. With a growing pile on the floor of your bedroom, she gasps once you stand in the completed outfit.
“That’s the one!” she says excitedly before tugging you towards the bathroom. “Time for makeup!” She eagerly pats for you to sit on the counter while searching through your, admittedly limited, makeup bag. Doing the best with what she’s got, she gets to work on the eyeshadows and blush, finishing up with a curl of your eyelashes and combing mascara through them. You always loved how focused she got when it was time for something special; her tongue pokes past her lips as she concentrates, her eyes squinting to get the very last detail to sit right.
Once she’s satisfied, she spins you around to see yourself in the mirror and you’re actually surprised at how nice it all came together. You’re wearing an oversized, comfy jumper, tights that line your legs, and a black skirt that accentuates your frame. It’s not too fancy, but the black tights make your outfit more sleek and you silently hope that Frank will like it. As you fluff your hair up to give it some more volume, you thank her behind a wide smile.
A buzz of excitement rushes through you as you wait by the front door and hear the heavy revving from the engine of Frank’s van. You physically shake your arms in an attempt to let go of some of the nerves that built up and your friend gives you a quick hug.
“You got it, baby!” she encourages sweetly. “Have fun!” she calls out as you slip past the door. Making your way down your porch steps, you hear her shout something else from behind you. “Don’t do anything stupid!”
You chuckle at her warnings and make your way to the big, black van. You open the door and find Frank sitting with his elbow on his armrest and his head in his palm as he turns to face you. You stand there for a moment and await his initial reaction to your outfit. His eyes widen slightly before they rake over your boy, his lips parting as he takes it all in.
He brushes his thumb along the defined line of his jaw before sinking his teeth into his lower lip. His eyes settle on the small slit of the skirt that rests high on your thigh. There’s a pause for a moment before he finally speaks up.
“Told you you’d find somethin’ cute.” He fixes his posture and gives you a smile as you roll your eyes and sit in the passenger seat. Being with him felt easy now—of course there’s still the butterflies, which you’re expecting to make a permanent home in your stomach any day now, but it’s mostly when you’re about to see him. When you’re actually in his presence, it all fades away and you love how comfortable he makes you feel.
If you had told yourself a few weeks ago that you’d be on a half hour car ride with Frank Castle to the outskirts of town, she probably would’ve brushed it off as some sick joke. But here you are, sitting beside him and watching as he flips through radio stations until he settles on a classic rock song. You enjoyed getting to discover little pieces of him the more time you spent with him.
As he drives under the lamp posts longing the winding roads, you watch as the passing lights illuminate his face before it’s cloaked in shadows of the night once again. Each time you move underneath them, light showcases his features in a warm glow for mere moments at a time. You think your new favorite thing might be when the gleam seeps into the small dip in the bridge of his nose. That small highlight makes you smile and he catches it as he turns to look at you once you’re stopped at a red light.
“What is it?” he questions, his eyes squinting slightly as he looks at you. With a shake of your head, you face back to the light strung up in the air. His gaze doesn’t leave the side of your face though, and you know he’ll want an answer.
“This is just nice,” you shrug your shoulders. “Thank you for thinking of me,” you add. You want to make sure he knew how happy you were to be doing this, despite your quiet nature due to your fear of somehow screwing this up with your words.
“Haven’t even done anything,” he laughs softly.
“Well, I’m still enjoying myself,” you reply in a gentle tone. Frank doesn’t say anything more as he continues to look at you. The light changes and a green glow washes over your face, queuing him to face the open road once again. You glance down as his hand moves to the gear shift, trying not to focus too long on how the veins in his hand are accentuated as he curls his fingers around the knob.
Frank speaks up again after a moment and you quickly recenter your attention. He engages you in some light conversation and pretty soon you’re laughing along to his comedic storytelling. You don’t even realize you’ve arrived until he’s put the car in park and turns the key off in the ignition. Looking out from behind the glass in front of you, you see the neon lights surrounding the big, bold letters of the name of the bar. It shines brightly in the night sky and acts as a small beacon in the dark parking lot.
You look up at the sound of the driver side door closing and realize Frank has left the car. You reach for your bag that’s resting on the floor between your feet and by the time you move for the handle, he’s opening your door for you. It’s the first time you’re able to truly take him in. He’s wearing a pair of nicely fitting blue jeans and a grey jacket, complete with the black boots you’ve never seen him without. You can’t tell what he’s wearing under the thick material that conceals his chest though, and you find yourself hoping it’s something tighter and hugs his torso.
“You ready?” he asks, and you nod in response. “Alright, watch your step,” he warns and you feel his hand bracing your upper arm as you hop out from the slightly lifted van. Once you’re secure on the ground, the two of you begin making your way towards the entrance. As you pass by the cars parked in organized rows under dim lamplights, you begin to make out the few scattered people smoking and even spot a couple sharing a cigarette just outside the main doors.
Once inside the building, he shrugs off the jacket and you can finally piece together his outfit. Frank’s broad shoulders stretch the fabric of the dark blue button up shirt. It’s tucked into his denim pants and secured with a black belt. He fits the attire of everyone else here in the bar, but still stands over a head taller than the rest—not to mention infinitely more attractive. You try desperately to rip your eyes away from him, and in doing so, take in the scenery of the pub.
The bar is crowded but not so occupied that you can’t move. The loud, overlapping voices meld to create a soft droning that accompanies the background. It doesn’t stand a chance to the band though, whose loud amplifiers cause a shake in your chest with each note they strum. Polished wood lines the walls and there’s photographs of smiling people decorating them, forever cherished behind glass frames. It feels oddly homey, admittedly impressive for a place you’ve never stepped foot into before tonight.
You accidentally bump into Frank and he steadies you with his large hands on your waist. He’s staring down at you with a subtle smile on his face. He begins to talk but you don’t have the slightest clue what he’s saying; the song that’s playing is far too loud to hear the lower tone of his voice. Shaking your head with a frown, you let him know you can’t understand him and his smile grows wider. He then leans down, his fingers brushing your hair away from your ear before he speaks.
“Asked if you wanted to eat,” he starts, his breath immediately warming the side of your neck. With just those few words, it feels like all the other noise falls away. All you can focus on is the rumble in his voice and how the words feel as if they dance down your spine. “I’m starving,” he adds, and you’re certain your new headspace gave his words a different context than he intended.
He pulls away for your response and all you can muster up is a slow blink and a delayed nod. There’s no cocky smirk at your expression and you wonder if maybe he decided to spare you the embarrassment this time. He promptly turns and you fall in line beside him, letting him guide you around the crowd. His palm finds its way to your lower back as he leads you and just like that, your heart picks up in pace once more.
You’ve only seen the same small movement depicted in movies and you can now safely say that experiencing it is so much more exhilarating. Part of you is frustrated that such an insignificant touch can make you this excited, but Frank’s charm has a tremendous effect on you. Still, you tell yourself it’s the anticipation of his hand being elsewhere on your body that riles you up.
His hand stays put until the two of you reach a booth lining the back wall. There’s a small lamp that bathes the whole table in a warm glow and you and Frank place your things down before sliding into the long seats. As you stare at him from across the table, you watch as his eyes scan the crowd and then the main stage as he focuses on the band. They’re currently playing a cover of a classic rock song and Frank smiles as he nods his head to the music.
“This place is nice,” you raise your voice slightly to be heard over the music. He turns to face you and his smile grows wider.
“Yeah? You like it?” His question is accompanied by your own nod and he continues. “I’m sure there’s fancier ones close to town, but I’ve been coming here for years and they’ve always been good.”
He raises his hand in the air, tilting his head up and leaning to the side as if to catch someone’s attention. You follow his line of sight and look over your shoulder to see a woman with a black apron tied around her waist. She looks slightly past you as a grin covers her face and walks over to your table quicker than you expected.
“Frank?! What are you doing here?” Her voice is already grating and she’s only said a handful of words. Her tone is drawn out, almost flirtatiously, and she stands closer to him than you would’ve liked.
“Just showing her around,” he answers simply. He looks at you and when the waitress does the same, her face falls. You muster up an awkward smile and try to shake off the weird look she gives you. “She’s never been here before, you think we could get some menus?”
“Sure thing,” she mumbles, stepping away only to return a moment later with two long, laminated sheets of paper. She drops them to the table and you spare yourself the trouble of looking at her again.
“She sure seems to like you,” you speak up once she’s left. Frank scoffs before grabbing a menu and shaking his head. “Did you see the way she looked at me? What did I do?” You ask with a frown, wondering if you did something unintentionally.
“She’s probably just pissed cause you’re sitting with me and she’s not,” he answers with a sigh. He flips the paper around and you notice the way his eyes dart around the page. His answer wasn’t very reassuring though, and you still feel the tension in your body. As you scan the small print of the menu in your hands, you can feel his gaze on you. You try to shake the disappointment and to make it less obvious that what she said affected you, but you’re not certain how good of an actress you are.
“Y’know what?” he speaks up after a few seconds. You raise your face to him as he continues, “I know this place a couple of blocks down? Best god damn beer I’ve had.” His hand disappears under the table and a moment later you see his fingers curled around his jacket. “It’s German! You haven’t tried that one before.” He leans across the table before whispering, “You’re gonna hate it.”
His attempts at distracting you work well and you can’t help the laughter escaping you at the final thing he said. Frank’s own crooked smile returns at your reaction and a softness settles into his brown eyes.
“There she is,” he mumbles once he sees your regular self bubble back up to the surface. You bring in a deep breath and choose to shake off any residual awkwardness you felt from before.
“No, no it’s okay. We can stay here.” You finish your sentence and look back towards the music before facing him. His hands are empty now as he continues to stare at you and you feel confident in your choice to stay.
After looking over the endless list of drinks, burgers, and other appetizers, you read a description of a sandwich that makes your stomach rumble to life. You immediately decide on it without a second thought and smile up at Frank, watching him run his finger across the page between two options and looking quite indecisive.
Before long, the ill behaved waitress is back to take down your order. You pick your sandwich, remembering to take off the toppings you aren’t too fond of, add in an order of fries, and your usual favorite drink to top it off. With a hesitant glance up, you see her scribbling down your order on the small notepad in her hand. Her expression is twisted up as if she smelled something foul and you feel that uneasy feeling settling in once more.
“I’ll have the same as my date here,” Frank answers before she can ask about his meal. He gently taps the two menus on the tabletop before handing them over to her. His lips part as his eyes drag over your features and you notice the way they stop for a little longer than they should when they reach your mouth.
To say you were shocked was an understatement. You weren’t sure if he said it just to get under her skin or not but part of you didn’t really care. He said it regardless and that made a smile carve its way onto your face. An annoyed scoff is heard from above and you see a hand come into view to snatch the menus away from Frank. He never looked away from you once.
The moment the food arrives, you’re excitedly grabbing your sandwich and lifting it to your mouth. As your teeth sink into the toasted bread, the flavor hits your tongue and a satisfied moan escapes you. Frank is quick to lift his eyes at the sound, his eyebrows raising as he takes in the scene in front of him. You raise your hand to your mouth and begin to grow bashful at the look on his face.
“Sorry!” You apologize, your voice muffled behind your palm. “It was just really good,” you explain once you swallow your food down.
“Don’t gotta apologize for that, kid,” he replies through his own raspy chuckle. You bite your lip and tuck a strand of hair behind your ear before reaching for the fries in your basket next.
The two of you dig into your identical meals and make some easy conversation in between bites here and there. You’re honestly impressed with how good the sandwich is and you’re glad you picked it out of the infinite number of items on the menu. Frank wasn’t lying when he said he loved this place. You watch him look up from his meal every now and then with a big smile on his face as he moves his head to the beat of the music. His energy was infectious and you found yourself tapping your toes along too.
“Y’know,” he speaks up after finishing the last bite of his sandwich. At the sound of his voice, you begin to look up to his face, but your eyes latch on to something else. Frank sucks his fingers clean of the salt from his fries, his lips pursing as his cheeks hollow, and you immediately lose any grip you had on controlling your thoughts around him.
“When we ordered I saw your beer on the menu.” You hear his words but they have absolutely no meaning, no way of stringing them together to make a continuous thought as you watch him suck the seasonings from his thumb. You begin to feel a sense of injustice at the fact that those fingers weren’t where you desperately wanted them to be. With a pout, you look back to his gaze and see the confusion clear in his eyes.
“What?” you blurt out, finally remembering he had spoken and that you hadn’t processed anything he had said. He scoffs before shaking his head, his smirk spreading wide across his face before he speaks again.
“Said they have the beer you like here,” he repeats himself, his cocky grin a clear indicator that he saw how you froze up at sight just moments ago.
“I’m actually good tonight,” you say confidently. Reaching for your glass, you take a sip of your drink and hold his gaze as you stare at him from under your eyelashes. He sits back against the cushion of the booth and his eyebrows pull together as he thinks about what you said.
“Yeah?” he asks, squinting his eyes at you.
“Mhm, not letting a few beers stop me from what I wanna do after this,” you explain. You’ve never felt more frustrated than when he stopped you from kissing on his neck. You understood why he did it, and are actually very thankful he didn’t want it to go further, but the disappointment coursed through you all the same.
“Hmm? And what exactly is that?” he questions as the band finishes up the song they had been playing. Your eyes follow the noise as the crowd erupts into whistles and claps, applauding the musicians. When you finally look back over, Frank’s in the same position. It’s like he never looked away from you—hell, you’re not sure if he even blinked.
You don’t answer him though and make up your mind to keep him on the edge of his seat. Instead, you smile sweetly before picking up a fry from your basket and popping it past your lips.
He gives you a knowing look, but doesn’t pry. Perhaps he was looking forward to the surprise of it all. You only hope you can remain as confident as you feel now so you can properly act out your plan. Before long, he swallows down his last french fry and Frank speaks up with a question.
“You wanna go dance?” Your whole body freezes at the mere thought of attempting to dance, not to mention the added nerves of doing it in a crowded room with Frank Castle standing witness. But as you look out onto the dance floor full of moving bodies, you realize most of them are probably far too intoxicated to really pay attention to you. Deciding to push past the initial fear, and wanting to be fully present with him and have fun, you nod and scoot out of the booth.
Frank stands in front of you and his hand soon comes into view of your eyeline. You place your hand in his and feel his fingers curl around your palm as you brace your weight on him and rise to your feet. You stand on your toes and motion for him to come closer so you can speak into his ear.
“Just so you know, I’m a terrible dancer,” you say after he’s tilted his head towards you.
“What part of me screams that I’m a good one?” he asks, and you chuckle at his joke. He smiles down at your laughter and nods his head behind him, letting you know he’s going to the dancefloor.
Frank keeps a hold of your hand as he leads you through the crowd. His broad body splits the sea of bodies as he walks and you follow close enough behind him to squeeze past them as well. There’s blue hues from the dim lights that shine over the people, but other than that you can’t see much beside their moving feet. He must’ve gotten to a clearing where there’s not as many people bumping into one another, because he stops walking and turns to you.
You’re sort of frozen still for a moment as the reality of it is beginning to creep in. But then Frank starts to shimmy his shoulders and you can’t help but break into a wide grin. Just like that, you’re thawed. The awkwardness you felt is starting to leave you as you begin to loosen up in front of him.
The band plays a fun, upbeat song that you don’t recognize, but he seems to be making the moves up as he goes along. You follow his direction, copying him but still keep some distance, trying to slowly shake off those nerves that are still lingering around. Suddenly, Frank does a move that you can’t even begin to describe with words alone and you burst into laughter as you watch him. Holding your stomach, you shake your head at him and he begins to laugh too.
The band then retires from the stage, saying their farewells as the crowd applauds and whistles. Frank claps along with the rest of them and you cup your hands around your mouth to give a small cheer. You really enjoyed their set and wouldn’t mind coming back here again to watch them play once more.
Once the stage is clear, music begins to play over the speakers and Frank’s face lights up. His excitement is clear after just the first few notes.
“God, this takes me back,” his wide grin causes his eyes to squint up. You smile up at him, happy at his enjoyment, but you can’t help your head from tilting to the side confusedly.
“You haven’t heard this before?” he asks incredulously and you shake your head. “It’s literally my favorite song, how do you not know this?”
“When did it come out?” you ask, and watch him look up as he starts to think.
“Must’ve been… right after graduation, I think?” He does the math for a moment longer before answering with the year it was released. The answer has you fighting back a giggle as you stare at him awkwardly.
“Frank, I wasn’t born until two years later,” you answer honestly, and the look on his face is priceless.
“Jesus Christ…” he replies, dragging his hand down his face. You begin to worry now, wondering if you shouldn’t have brought up that point. He must’ve caught a glance at your anxious frown because he’s quick to explain himself.
“You’re fine just… my back hurt when you said that.” His hand comes to the back of his neck to emphasize his point and your smile finds its way back to your lips.
Despite the initial embarrassment you ran into after being reminded again of the gap in age between you and Frank, you found yourself really enjoying the song. He was honest when he said it was one of his favorites. You’ve never seen him this lively before and you love being able to soak up every minute of it. He’s so animated as he dances, holding you close to him with his hand secured at your back. The lines to the song fall past his lips like muscle memory as his forehead presses to yours.
You can’t stand being this close to him. Your whole body feels like it’s been shot with a current of electricity and you’re desperately wanting him to stop singing and put his mouth to yours. He might have a sixth sense—or simply just picked up on the timing—because his lips are on yours a second later. He kisses you deeply, his tongue brushing your lower lip for a moment before you eagerly let him in. Your head tilts to the side as you kiss him back and your arm wraps around his wide shoulders to ensure you’ll have your fill.
All too soon he’s breaking the kiss and you immediately suck your bottom lip behind your teeth to savor the feeling of him. He suddenly lifts his arm into the air and cues you to spin. You twirl under his hand with a huge grin and then he yanks you in for the finish, timing it so that your back is to his chest when you land against him. His same palm immediately finds your hip and tightens to keep you flush to him. His opposite hand travels down the length of your torso, his index finger tracing your side as he moves.
He begins to whisper the lyrics against your ear and you can’t bring yourself to focus on their meaning. He’s all over you and it’s making you feel dizzy, as if you’re drunk on his scent alone. Each pass of his finger along your ribs alights a fire at your side and you try to keep up as he begins rocking you from side to side to the rhythm of the song. His breath warms the entire side of your face and neck with each word he whispers. You fall under his spell and roll your head to the side at the feeling of his warmth all over.
When the song starts to fade and a new one begins overlapping it, you’re left with a bittersweet feeling; part of you never wanted to leave that moment and would gladly listen to that song on loop for the rest of your life, but the other half of you was almost frightened at how easily you turned to putty in his hands. You felt the need to have a better grasp on yourself, especially if you wanted to stay courageous for what you had planned for tonight.
The mix of two songs smoothen down into one and you instantly recognize the slow, sexy bassline that’s pumping through the speakers overhead. You’re not sure what came over you. Perhaps you wanted to prove to someone that you’re not that same timid, little girl. Whatever it was that coursed through your veins, you’re thankful that it gave you the strength to grab his large palm and put it back into place at your hip. You use the extra support to push your ass back into him, making sure to press hard enough until you feel the bulge in his jeans.
Frank doesn’t show any reaction except for his fingers tightening into your skin as if you were a lifeline. You smile as you continue to grind into him, your hips following the similar movements he taught you just a few days prior. Facing away from him gives you the extra boost of confidence needed to perform this act, but you’d be lying if you said you wouldn’t kill to see the look on his face right now.
With each push of your ass against the denim fabric, you feel the heat of his bulge so close to where your own warmth had started to pool. This felt good and you felt pride surging through your chest once you realized exactly what you were doing.
And then his arm crosses your chest and pulls you flat against him once more. His forearm is pressed against your collarbones and you feel your breath hitch at the hold he has you in. With a shaky inhale, you swallow down the lump in your throat and wait for him to speak.
“Look at you, sweetheart,” the tip of his nose brushes the curve of your ear and you try your damndest to not let your body double over. “Someone’s getting confident, huh?” His arm begins to slowly drop from across your chest, and instead reaches your lower stomach. From there, he applies pressure until you’re as close as you could be to him.
“You feel that? Hmm?” There’s an undeniable hardness under the thick layers of fabric. It doesn't feel as big as the last time he got turned on from you, but it’s still noticeable. “That’s all you,” he finishes with a lower tone of voice before taking half a step back and leaving you to sit with his words.
It takes you a moment to wrap your head around this entire situation. It’s abundantly clear that the mood has changed from light laughter and awful dance moves to something more sultry. You can feel the warmth slowly spreading between your legs and it leaves you with a buzz that makes you feel like your movements are slowed. When you turn around to finally face him, he’s already staring down at you expectedly.
“Why don’t we get outta here?” he asks, deep voice blending in with the booming bass. You nod at him and it feels like you’re moving in molasses. The dull, blue light from above catches his face for a moment. There’s something deeper to his unreadable expression; his jaw is clenched as if he’s trying to hold something back.
Once the two of you make it back to the table, Frank reaches into his back pocket for his wallet. He thumbs through the notes before tossing a few bills onto the table. He reaches into the booth seat for his jacket and shakes it out before draping it over your shoulders.
“Thank you,” you mumble in a quiet voice.
“Don’t gotta thank me for that, sweetheart,” he shakes his head, insisting that your gratitude isn’t needed. He begins to walk towards the door with his hand in its designated spot at your lower back to help guide you once again. The chill of the night air hits you the second you step out of the building and you find yourself curling his jacket snugger around your body. His scent is stuck to the collar and it helps lessen your shivering from the cold breeze.
He walks you to your side of the van and opens the door for you to climb in. Even after he gets in and begins driving down the same winding roads, there’s not much conversation between the two of you. The tension in the car is thick and incredibly palpable. You’re indecisive about whether to break the silence or leave it untouched so as to not make it worse.
Eventually Frank pulls into his parking spot that faces the front door of his apartment. After putting the van in park and walking around to open your door once more, you take his hand and carefully step down. He unlocks the door and gets you inside quickly, trying to shield you from the chilly air. Once he flicks the lights on, you’re greeted by the familiar sight of his living room and feel that desire to touch him creep back in. Your name falls from his lips and you turn your head at the sound.
“I’m sorry if I went too far back there. I shouldn’t have—,” he begins to apologize, but you’re quick to interrupt by pressing your lips to his. A surprised grunt comes from him and you smirk into the kiss, pleased to have caught him off guard. He wastes no time in wrapping his arms around you and begins leading you towards the couch. When you feel the back of your knees hit the curve of the cushion, you angle yourself in front of Frank and push him into the sofa below.
He looks up at you with his lips parted and his chest is noticeably bringing in deeper breaths each time he inhales. His usually soft, brown eyes have a darkened glint to them and you’re certain you’ve never seen this emotion on him before. Your pulse is racing through your own body and you swiftly straddle him with your knees on either side of his hips.
His impatient fingers grab hold of you in a way no one ever has before. The action causes a surprised gasp to fall past your lips, but it’s swallowed down by Frank who can’t seem to keep his mouth off of yours. The light stubble decorating his jaw scratches at your skin and the rough feeling does nothing but spur you on further. You begin to roll your hips into his as you fall into a familiar pattern and he uses his hold to help guide you into moving faster.
His movements are rushed and needy and it makes you feel reassured that he wants this—he wants you. That little boost to your ego has your hands tracing down his body, your palms rubbing down his strong chest, before finally reaching his belt. Your fingers search blindly for the leather and the sound of the buckle clinking sounds out in between the wet noises of your kisses.
“Woah, easy,” Frank breaks the kiss the second the sound reaches his ears. “Let’s just, uh…” he trails off and you feel his fingers gently prying yours away. “Let’s take it slow, alright?” His tone is so soft and the concern is written clearly across his features.
“Frank, please,” you try to reason with him. “I didn’t even drink tonight! And I just… last time I was all worked up and I really want to do this.” You finish with a pout as you glance up at him with pleading eyes. He swallows hard as he stares at you for a moment, probably battling something internally.
“What do you wanna do?” he asks slowly, trying to make his words clear. The question is so simple but admitting it to him makes you feel small again.
“I… I want to touch you,” you mumble, silently hoping he doesn’t ask you to be more explicit than that.
“You sure you want this?” His eyes never leave yours as he confirms your consent.
“I really do,” you reply, bringing your hand up and cupping his cheek. You brush your thumb over his skin and watch as he begins to shut his eyes and breathe deeply. “Please?”
You’re not sure if it’s the quiet plea, his own craving that’s swaying his decision, or some combination of the two, but he slowly uncurls his fingers from your wrist. You beam brightly at him and whisper a thanks as you peck him on the cheek.
“You’re still gonna have to walk me through it, Frank,” you say through a small chuckle.
He nods with an equally quiet, “I know.”
From there, he doesn’t try to deter your movements any longer. He lets you continue as you slide his belt past the metal buckle. You look up at him for reassurance and he nods his head with a smile. He takes your hand in his and pulls it to his bulge, letting you feel it properly for the first time. Excitement races through you and settles in your lower stomach as you watch your hand touch him over the denim.
“Can I take your jeans off?” Your question is met with another nod as he lets go of you. Slipping the button past the slit, you then lower the zipper past the teeth and the sound feels so loud in the otherwise silent room. You move to sit beside him and Frank helps you tug his pants down, raising his hips to lower them some more until they fall past his knees. He’s wearing a pair of dark grey boxer briefs and your eyes linger far too long on how they hug his thighs.
The thick outline stretching the fabric is enough to recenter your attention though. You start to feel the nerves coming back once you register just how big he is as he lies against his hip. You always had a feeling, given the sheer size of the man, but seeing it is a whole other experience. Thankfully, Frank doesn’t rush you as he lets you take this all in. You hesitantly move your hand over the length of him, brushing your fingers over the defined line underneath the head of his cock.
The next thing you reach for is the waistband of his boxers. You curl your fingers over the edge and tug them down, watching as more and more of his happy trail becomes exposed. He once again helps you pull them past his legs and now that he’s bare in front of you, you can’t help your eyes from widening. You had thought the bulge was big, but it was misleading; Frank is actually much larger than you had anticipated.
“What? You’ve never seen—?” He starts but you’re quick to cut him off.
“I have. I’ve seen, like, porn before but…” you find your voice leaving you as you stare between his legs. “It’s just bigger in person.” His chuckle sounds out and you raise your head to the noise only to be met by an amused smirk at your confession.
“S’not just cause it’s in person, kid,” he laughs through his words and you roll your eyes at his cockiness. You like that you can still crack jokes during a time like this and you find yourself thankful that you get to have Frank as your first introduction to sex. Feeling more relaxed, you reach forward and gently curl your fingers around his thick base.
“You can hold it tighter than that,” he speaks up after a second.
“I know,” you respond, tightening your hold on him a little more. He snorts lightly at the, apparently, subtle increase in pressure and you feel his larger hand curling around your own. His long fingers squeeze over yours, adjusting your grip on his length as he begins to move your hand up and down. He’s warm and heavy in your hand, two things you hadn’t given much thought of before now. Frank lifts your hand once more and a satisfied sigh leaves him.
The sound stirs something in your stomach and you try to swallow down your own growing arousal at the noise he’s making. He loosens his hold on you and you watch as his hands find the hem of his shirt before bunching it up and exposing the lower half of his stomach. There’s so much to look at and it’s pulling your attention in too many ways. You try to focus on him in your hand though and begin speeding up your movements.
“You can spit on it,” he speaks up after a few seconds. You turn to face him and feel your eyebrows pull together at his words.
“Like just… spit on it?” The confusion is more than likely obvious in your tone but you want to ensure that you don’t embarrass yourself with him. Not now when you’ve made it this far.
“Yeah, go for it,” he encourages gently. With one last glance at him, you lean forward and lower your head over his length. You purse your lips and part them as you let the split slowly drip until it’s sliding over his head. You watch as it runs down past the tip and Frank clears his throat.
“Shit, yeah that…” he trails off as he raises his hips slightly. “That works too.” You smile at his words and wonder if his movement was an instinctual reaction to the warmth running along the smooth skin of his cock.
With the help of the extra slick added to his length, you begin to work your hand faster on him. You know from what you’ve heard that the tip is more sensitive, so you raise your hand right underneath his head and tighten your grip. A grunt immediately falls from him and you impulsively let go of him. You face him with a worried expression and watch as he brings in a deep breath before swallowing thickly.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart. Just felt real damn good.” The praise in his words immediately rushes to your heart and you feel yourself swell with pride. You can’t believe you made him feel that good, but now you’re determined to see what other sounds you can pull from his pretty lips. As you focus your attention back to his cock, you see a few beads of precum beginning to bubble up at his swollen tip. You rub your thumb in circles over the slit, spreading around the proof of his pleasure, and you feel him twitch in your hold.
“Shiiiiiit,” the drawn out curse sounds raspy and you don’t stop your movements as you check once again to see his reaction. Frank’s head is tilted back slightly against the couch cushion, his mouth is parted, and his eyes are scrunched up slightly. You try your hardest to memorize this version of him. You wish you could ingrain this memory so you’ll never forget how good he looks when he’s succumbing to his pleasure.
Twisting your hand as you move it over his length, you notice the way his adam's apple bobs as he swallows down presumably another groan. You can’t resist the urge to feel even more of him, and press your lips against his neck. Lazy kisses are littered across his skin while you work your hand faster, intermittently tightening your hold on his thickness. His throat tightens as he feels the wet marks of your affection, and the next thing you feel is his fingers tangling in your hair. He pulls gently as he tugs your head up to his and he kisses down your surprised gasp, his tongue slipping into your mouth.
You’re having trouble keeping up with his movements and you realize this must be what it’s like to be kissed breathlessly. Any moment you get, you’re greedily gulping down air before he continues his ravenous attack on your lips. You never slow the speed of your hand and press yourself against his side, trying to feel more of him to satiate your need. Frank tries to break the kiss but you push against him harder, not wanting to let go for a second. But he tries again, grabbing your wrist gently and you immediately pull away with a frown.
“What did I do?” you ask in a worried tone. He’s quick to lock his eyes with yours and speaks clearly.
“You’re okay. You’re doing so good, sweetheart,” he starts, and then nods down towards his lap. “I’m almost there, kid. Just wanted to warn you before it happens.” And just like that, a wide grin splits across your face. I’m making him feel that good?!
“I really wanna make you come, Frank,” you tell him honestly and you notice his cock twitch slightly as he registers your words.
“You keep talking like that and you will,” he grumbles in a low voice. His tone almost seems as if it was meant as a warning, but all it does is add to the fire in the pit of your stomach. You’re quick to reach for him again and fall back into the rhythm you established just seconds ago. With each pass of your hand you feel the veins protruding slightly through his skin and make sure to add slightly more pressure to the ring underneath his tip—he seemed to like that in particular.
“Just like that—fuck, attagirl,” he breathes through gritted teeth while he stares down at your smaller fingers wrapped snugly around him. The praise courses through you and you hide your face in his neck. You place sloppy kisses under his jaw and listen as more grunts start to fall from his parted lips. They slowly twist into a new sound and it takes you a second to realize it’s your name that’s coming out in a twisted groan. You glance down and watch as he raises his hips for a moment to chase after the feeling of you, his orgasm following soon after.
One long moan falls from him as warmth spills over your hands. You make sure not to miss a single second and don’t dare slow down or pull away. You want Frank to feel as good as possible and so you’ll drag this out for as long as you can. White begins to coat his head and the rest of his length as you continue moving over him. It isn’t until he reaches for your wrist that you take notice of the way his thigh is tense and you let go to give him some relief.
“T…That’s enough,” he pants as he speaks through uneven breathing. You mumble an apology as you snuggle into his side again, leaving the remainder of your kisses on his collarbone. His hand rubs at your back while he regains his breath and you feel him press his lips to your forehead.
“Jesus Christ,” he whispers, and you follow his gaze to the mess in his lap. His cock lies on his hip, all spent and giving a weak twitch once or twice. You don’t even try to hide the smile that grows on your face at the sight.
“Oh, you proud of yourself, huh?” he asks through a fit of chuckles. “You should be,” he holds you to his side again. “Did so fuckin’ good.” You feel another long kiss to the side of your head. Pride isn’t even a strong enough word to describe how you feel at this moment.
“Thank you, Frank,” you smile up at him.
“Thank me? Nah, you did all that,” he brushes it off just like last time. “Thank you for making me feel good, kid. You were absolutely perfect.” The warmth spreading to your cheeks makes you hide your face in his chest again. You weren’t really sure how a scene like this was supposed to normally end, but Frank doesn’t say anything more. He keeps you close in his arms and you can still hear his pulse attempting to slow in his chest. For now, you don’t want to question what comes next; for once, you’re comfortable exactly where you are.
Taglist: @chellestrash @avengerstower-houseplant @musicals-and-mermaids @castle-of-ruin @justalittlepickle @boo8008 @doublevirgogirl @xxdrixx @yaminax @nabiiturner @imwaytoolazyforthis @vechkinfan @himesuedi @0-goblin-0 @soleilcastle @innebulae @punishersmainchick @eddiemunsonsbelover @tea-drinking-nerd
#new writing record WOOO! i just couldn't shut the hell up :)#frank castle x reader#frank castle smut#frank castle fanfiction#frank castle fic#jon bernthal fanfiction#jon bernthal fic#the punisher fanfiction#the punisher fanfic#chelsea writes
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Eavesdropping
Paring: Joost Klein x female!reader
Description: Y/N was sitting with her friend at a lively party, the room buzzing with conversation and laughter. With a mischievous glint in her eye, she leaned in close, sharing some intimate details about her fantasies involving Joost.
Warnings: 18+, MDNI, weed, smut, PnV, unprotected, Joost being a bit rough, rpf
Word count: 3k+
Sorry for the delay in posting—work and school have kept me busy. But here’s a new one inspired by today's Reading Reddit Stories. I am working on some request, so more is coming.
The house was alive with music, laughter, and the buzz of a summer party in full swing. People moved from room to room, drinks in hand, chatting, dancing, and letting loose. Joost had been floating around, engaging in small talk and enjoying the atmosphere, but after a while, he needed a break from the noise. The house was big, with plenty of rooms that offered a quiet escape. He slipped into a side room, which looked like a small study, hoping to find a moment of peace.
The study was dimly lit, the only light coming from a small lamp on the desk in the corner. Joost shut the door behind him, but it didn’t latch completely, leaving it slightly ajar. He sank into the leather chair by the window, the faint hum of the party outside muffled by the walls. He let out a sigh and opened the window, took out and lit a joint, finally relaxing as he let the distant music fade into the background.
But soon, voices from the hallway outside caught his attention. They were familiar—Y/N and Liz, giggling and tipsy from a night of fun. He couldn’t help but smile to himself, but when he heard his name mentioned, his ears perked up.
"I’m telling you, Liz," Y/N said, her voice laced with that playful edge she got after a few drinks. "If Joost knew what I really wanted from him… well, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to look at me the same way again."
Joost’s heart skipped a beat. He sat up a little straighter, suddenly very interested in what was being said. He knew eavesdropping was wrong, but his curiosity got the better of him.
"Oh, do tell!" Liz encouraged, her voice bubbly with excitement. "What kind of dirty little thoughts have you been hiding?"
Y/N let out a low, almost wicked laugh. "You know, the kind where he’s not just the sweet, nice guy everyone thinks he is. I keep imagining what it’d be like if he just… snapped, you know? Like, I want him to lose all that control and just take me wherever we are. Like, right here at this party, against a wall, or maybe even on the floor… not caring who’s around or who might hear us."
Joost felt a shock of electricity run through him. Her words were so unexpected, so raw and vivid, that they hit him like a truck. He shifted in his seat, the leather creaking slightly under him. The idea of Y/N—fun, witty, and someone he had secretly admired—fantasizing about him like that was enough to make his head spin.
Liz gasped, then let out a laugh that was almost scandalized. "Y/N! I didn’t know you had it in you! That’s… wow, okay, that’s hot. But honestly, I think he’d be down for it if he knew."
Y/N snorted and laughed. "Yeah, sure. Like I’m just going to walk up to him and tell him I fantasize about him choking me while he's fucking me senseless."
Joost’s heart was pounding in his chest, the air around him suddenly feeling too warm. Before he could fully process what he was doing, he walked up to the door frame to be able to hear the conversation more clearly, causing the door to creak loudly.
Both Y/N and Liz fell silent. Liz, always the sharp one, noticed the slightly ajar door immediately. Her eyes widened as she nudged Y/N, pointing toward the study. "Oh my god, Y/N…"
Y/N turned slowly, her heart dropping to her stomach as she saw the door, and through the small crack, Joost’s unmistakable silhouette. Her face flushed a deep red as she realized he must have heard everything. Liz was biting her lip, trying not to burst out laughing, her eyes darting between Joost and Y/N, reveling in the unfolding drama.
Joost stepped into the doorway, his face caught somewhere between a grin and something darker, more intense. His eyes locked onto Y/N’s, a glint of mischief playing in them. "So," he started, his voice low and teasing, "I couldn’t help but overhear something about losing control and taking you… right here?"
Y/N’s mouth went dry, her usual quick wit abandoning her as she stared at him, wide-eyed. "I… I was just joking around," she stammered, though the words didn’t carry much conviction. She could feel the heat in her cheeks, the alcohol in her system making her feel even more vulnerable under his gaze.
Joost took a slow, deliberate step closer, the air between them thick with tension. "Were you?" he asked, his voice a seductive murmur that made her shiver. "Because if that’s really what you want, I’m more than willing to make it happen."
Liz, barely able to contain herself, let out a laugh that she quickly tried to stifle. "Oh my god, you guys," she giggled, taking a step back. "I’m just gonna… leave you two to it. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do." With a playful wink, she spun around and disappeared into the throng of partygoers, leaving Joost and Y/N alone.
Y/N couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol, the heat of the moment, or the way Joost was looking at her with those intense, dark eyes, but she felt herself leaning into the tension rather than shying away from it. "I didn’t think you’d actually… want to," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.
Joost was standing so close now that she could feel the warmth radiating off him. He reached out, brushing a strand of hair away from her face, his touch sending a jolt of electricity through her. "I’ve wanted to for a long time," he confessed, his voice rough with desire. "But now that I know what you’ve been thinking… I don’t think I can hold back."
Y/N’s breath hitched, and before she could second-guess herself, she grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him down to her level. "Then don’t," she whispered against his lips.
That was all the encouragement Joost needed. With a low growl, he crushed his lips to hers, the kiss hungry and demanding, all the pent-up tension between them finally exploding. His hands slid down her sides, gripping her hips as he pushed her back against the wall, the bass of the music vibrating through them both.
Y/N responded eagerly, her hands tangling in his hair as she kissed him back with equal fervor. The party, the world outside that moment faded into nothing as they lost themselves in each other. Joost’s lips left hers, trailing down her neck, his breath hot against her skin. "Tell me," he murmured between kisses, his voice thick with need. "Tell me what else you’ve been imagining."
Y/N gasped as his teeth grazed her collarbone, her body arching against him. "I’ve been thinking… about how you’d feel inside me," she confessed breathlessly. "Right here… right now… I want you, Joost. I want you to fuck me so hard that everyone at this party knows exactly what we’re doing."
Joost let out a low, primal sound, a dark grin spreading across his face as he lifted her off the ground, her legs wrapping around his waist. "Then let’s make it a party they won’t forget," he growled, his hands sliding under her dress as he pressed her firmly against the wall.
The heat between them was scorching, their breath mingling as they kissed again, harder, more desperate. The music pulsed in the background, but all Y/N could hear was the rush of blood in her ears, all she could feel was Joost’s hands on her, his body pressed so tightly against hers.
Joost’s mouth was on her ear now, his voice a rough whisper that sent shivers down her spine. "I want to hear you," he commanded, his hand slipping under her panties. "I want to hear you moan my name."
Y/N let out a shaky breath, her head falling back against the wall as she felt his fingers slide inside her. "Joost," she whimpered, her voice high and needy, exactly what he wanted to hear.
He growled in response, his lips finding hers again as he began to move his fingers, his pace relentless. Y/N’s body trembled, her moans growing louder as the pleasure built, their surroundings fading completely into oblivion as they lost themselves in each other.
Outside the room, the party continued, oblivious to the wild, electric scene unfolding just behind the study’s closed door. But neither Joost nor Y/N cared. They were lost in the moment, giving in to the dark, burning desire that had finally come to light, and there was no going back.
Y/N’s senses were overwhelmed as Joost’s touch sent shockwaves through her body. The room around them seemed to pulse with the rhythm of the music outside, but it felt distant, secondary to the intense connection between them. Her back pressed against the wall, she could feel every movement he made, the heat of his body burning through the thin fabric of her dress.
Joost’s lips were relentless, trailing fiery kisses along her neck, his stubble scraping against her skin in a way that made her shiver with anticipation. He wasn’t just kissing her; he was claiming her, marking her as his in a way that felt primal and raw. His hand slipped further down, gripping her thigh as he lifted her leg higher around his waist, opening her up to him even more.
"God, Y/N," Joost breathed against her skin, his voice rough with need. "You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this, how many nights I’ve thought about what it would be like to have you like this."
His confession sent a thrill through her, knowing that he had been harboring the same desires she had tried to push down for so long. "Then don’t stop," she urged, her voice breathy and desperate. "Show me, Joost."
Joost’s eyes darkened, a fierce determination taking over as he reached down, his fingers deftly working to free himself from the constraints of his jeans. The air between them was thick with tension, every second stretched out as he positioned himself at her entrance, his gaze locked onto hers with an intensity that made her heart race.
"Tell me how much you want this," Joost demanded, his voice low and commanding. "I want to hear you say it."
Y/N’s breath hitched, her body trembling with anticipation. "I want it, Joost," she whispered, her voice trembling with raw need. "I want you to fuck me right here, right now. I need you."
With a growl of satisfaction, Joost thrust into her, burying himself to the hilt in one swift motion. The suddenness of it drew a gasp from Y/N’s lips, her nails digging into his shoulders as she clung to him, overwhelmed by the sheer force of his desire. He was everywhere—inside her, around her—his presence consuming every part of her being.
Joost set a punishing rhythm, each thrust sending shockwaves of pleasure through her body, the sound of skin against skin filling the small room. Y/N’s moans grew louder, uninhibited, as she surrendered to the sensations coursing through her. She didn’t care who might hear them, didn’t care about anything except the way Joost made her feel like she was on fire, like she was unraveling beneath him.
His hands gripped her hips, pulling her closer, deeper, as if he couldn’t get enough of her. "You feel so fucking good," Joost groaned, his voice rough and filled with raw hunger. "I’m not going to stop until I hear you scream my name."
Y/N’s head fell back against the wall, her mouth open in a silent cry of pleasure as Joost’s words drove her further to the brink. The tension inside her tightened with every thrust, every touch, building up to a nearly unbearable intensity. Joost’s hand moved to her neck, applying a firm, possessive pressure that sent shivers through her body.
"Joost," she gasped, her voice breaking as the pleasure became too much to bear. "I’m… I’m so close…"
Joost let out a deep growl, his movements becoming more urgent, his grip on her tightening as he pushed Y/N closer to the edge. "Come for me, Y/N," he demanded, his voice rough and commanding. "I want to feel you come around me."
Those words sent her over the edge. Y/N's body arched against him as her climax tore through her, a cry of pure ecstasy escaping her lips as waves of pleasure overwhelmed her, leaving her breathless and trembling in his arms.
But Joost wasn't finished. His grip tightened as he thrust deeper, his breath hot against her neck. "I'm not done with you yet," he growled, his voice a dark promise that sent shivers down her spine.
Y/N's breath caught in her throat as Joost’s words hung in the air, their intensity reigniting the fire between them. Her body was still quivering from the overwhelming orgasm that had just crashed through her, but the dark, insatiable hunger in Joost’s eyes told her he wasn’t even close to being done.
Without warning, Joost tightened his grip on her hips, his fingers digging into her flesh with a bruising force that sent a jolt of anticipation through her. He pulled back just enough to lock eyes with her, his gaze burning with a raw, primal desire that made her heart race. There was no tenderness in his touch now, only a ruthless determination to claim every part of her.
“You think you’ve had enough?” Joost’s voice was a dark, growling rasp, filled with unrestrained hunger. “I’m not stopping until every last person at this party hears you scream my name.”
Before Y/N could respond, Joost captured her mouth in a bruising kiss, his lips punishing and unyielding as he devoured her. There was no gentleness, only the desperate, violent need to dominate, to possess her completely. His hand fisted in her hair, pulling her head back as he ravaged her mouth, his teeth grazing her bottom lip with enough force to make her gasp.
His hips slammed into hers with brutal force, each thrust deep and merciless, driving her against the wall with a rhythm that was anything but slow. Y/N’s nails dug into his back, leaving angry red welts as she clung to him, overwhelmed by the intensity. The pain only fueled her desire, her body arching into him as she lost herself in the raw, animalistic need he unleashed in her.
The room around them was filled with the harsh sounds of their coupling—her gasps and moans, his growls of satisfaction, the sharp slap of skin against skin as Joost pounded into her with unrelenting force. The tension between them tightened, coiling like a spring ready to snap as Joost drove her closer and closer to the edge.
“Joost…” Y/N’s voice was breathless, trembling with a mix of exhaustion and desperate need, but before she could finish, Joost silenced her with another punishing kiss, his tongue invading her mouth with a ferocity that left her dizzy.
“I’m not stopping until I know you can’t take any more,” he growled against her lips, his pace quickening, his grip on her hips so tight she knew she’d wear his marks for days.
She was completely at his mercy, her body a live wire of sensation as he drove her toward another explosive climax.
Y/N could feel the tension in her body reaching a breaking point, every muscle coiled tight as Joost’s thrusts became even more brutal, more demanding. And then, with a final, devastating thrust, Y/N shattered around him, her orgasm ripping through her with a violence that left her screaming his name.
Joost’s own release was swift and fierce, a guttural growl tearing from his throat as he buried himself deep inside her, the intensity of their shared climax leaving them both trembling, breathless, and utterly spent.
For a long moment, they stayed like that, bodies entwined, their hearts pounding in sync as they rode the waves of their shared ecstasy. Joost held her close, his forehead resting against hers as they fought to catch their breath, the air between them thick with the remnants of their desire.
Finally, Joost pulled back, his eyes still dark and intense as they locked onto Y/N’s. A slow, satisfied smile curled his lips, his voice hoarse and rough as he murmured, “Anything like you imagine?”
Y/N returned his smile, her body still humming with the aftershocks of their raw, intense connection. “Even better,” she whispered, her fingers tracing the sharp lines of his jaw, her touch gentle in contrast to the ferocity of what they’d just shared.
Joost chuckled darkly, pressing a rough kiss to her forehead before he slowly lowered her back to the ground, his hands lingering on her waist as if reluctant to let her go.
They stayed like that for a moment, lost in the intimacy of the aftermath, the sounds of the party still faint in the background but no longer a part of their world. It was just the two of them, wrapped in the warmth of each other’s arms, the tension that had been building between them for so long finally released.
But as the reality of what had just happened began to settle in, Y/N couldn’t help but laugh softly, the sound a mix of relief and disbelief. "I can’t believe we just did that," she said, her voice still breathless, her fingers tracing patterns on his chest.
Joost grinned, his eyes twinkling with mischief as he nuzzled her neck. "Believe it," he murmured, his lips brushing against her skin. "And just so you know, this isn’t a one-time thing. Now that I know what you want, I’m going to make sure you get it… again and again."
Y/N shivered at the promise in his voice, her body already responding to the idea of more, of Joost taking her in every way she had ever fantasized about. "Ohh please do," she whispered back, her lips finding his in a slow, lingering kiss that held the promise of everything that was to come.
As they finally untangled themselves, the party outside still raging on, they knew that everything had changed between them. They had crossed a line, broken through the barriers that had kept them apart for so long, and now there was no going back.
And neither of them wanted to.
#joost fanfic#joost fanfiction#joost klein fanfic#joost klein fanfiction#joost klein imagine#joost klein smut#joost klein x reader#joost klein x you#joost smut#joost x reader#rpf
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I recently received a DM from a fellow who was a junior mod in the Shipping Container server, & they’ve been gracious enough to allow me to use their words on the current happenings, covering the events of the 0303Emily internal happenings of the server at that time.
Now, you may wonder why exactly I’m bringing up the 0303Emily debacle, much less in association with Pansear?
Well, besides the fact that the accusations leveled against 0303Emily are baseless themselves (One example of why at the bottom of this post, completely ignoring the fact that Azriel was only a month or 2 away from being 18 at the time of the accusation while 0303Emily was just 20.), they indicate a trend between both accusations that further shows minimal actual PROOF & deliberate misinterpretations of situations to then twist things into a more negative light.
Now, the statement from the junior mod:
“first off, sorry this isnt really that well worded. i dont even know where to start with all this. i wanted to offer my view on things from the internals of the SC server and some info that might explain the origins of all this. ive wanted to talk about this for a while but im not a very confrontational person and i didnt even have a tumblr or twitter
i was a helper (basically junior mod that had bare mininum perms) on SC during the entire event, and while I did not participate in the decision because it was really complex and i was busy with finals but i did lurk the convo and read a lot of it. i dont have any screenshots of this because i left a few weeks later after the entire mod team basically dissolved and the server lost all its users.
basically a while back before the grooming accusations some kids (like under 18) on the server were going around looking up artists on furaffnity, e621, and other nsfw websites and then reporting it to the mods of SC and i think mainworld too. the mods were pretty "this isnt really our business" about it and told the kids to stop snooping, and that was the end of it.
a few months later still before the grooming the issue resurfaced with the same users going after nsfw artists, they were again told to mind their business but a few weeks later came back with the grooming accusations on top of it. the key thing here is that the mod issue was heavily centered around the nsfw art that emily had been making, along with several other users who were in nsfw servers that these kids had joined to snoop around. they logged thousands of messages from multiple users and sifted through them looking for anything that could be added to this report.
again i just want to emphasize that this was not at all about Emily and Azriel at this time. The entire report was about NSFW people were doing in private NSFW sites and places that the kids had to lie and sneak into because they were LOOKING for dirt on these people. It was not just emily but around a dozen users in our server that had been perfectly fine up until this point.
there was a lot of delay with getting this report finalized and the grooming accusation came later. however given the context this seemed to raise a few red flags for the staff because the accusors had been so intense about their search for info and the fact that the conversation between them was months prior, there was some question of if the accusors had coached or otherwise convicned azriel about them being groomed just to get more dirt on emily.
Well the SC mods were tired of the NSFW artists being reported and considering the number of people being reported (again, more than just emily) and the methods the accusors had taken, decided that this was basically tantamount to stalking and kicked everyone involved.
What you see on tumblr is the response to that. They went and said "SC is run by groomer zoophiles" and everyone who had a hate boner for pansear jumped on board and it went nuclear.
I dont really know if this helps but i am just tired of sitting here being unable to speak about it because i dont have a following and i really miss pansear.”
I want to further emphasize this part:
“again i just want to emphasize that this was not at all about Emily and Azriel at this time. The entire report was about NSFW people were doing in private NSFW sites and places that the kids had to lie and sneak into because they were LOOKING for dirt on these people. It was not just emily but around a dozen users in our server that had been perfectly fine up until this point.”
Minors actively invaded adult-spaces, willingly & ACTIVELY exposed themselves to adult content EXPLICITLY to ‘dig up dirt.’
So, with that in mind, why would they stop at that? Why would they stop at something so trivial as faking screenshots? Multiple members have actively made threats to people accused & they care not about spreading a falsehood (Just look at Pansear’s old Tumblr handle!).
And here’s the example I said I’d give earlier. Azriel starts the conversation with mention of the horrors of some NSFW content from the fandom & then gives an example. 0303Emily follows up with a shared experience. This is some of the ‘proof’ that was presented in the doc Azriel & Co. put forth.
This doesn’t even mention any of the other discrepancies in their own ‘proof.’ The ‘Zoophilia’ allegations are once again Anthro on Anthro characters engaging in sexual acts, just like the allegation against Pansear.
Don’t believe me? Their own google doc is right here on this chap’s post. Read through it.
And if you want to read more, read this. It further emphasizes on this matter.
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