#again being fair i don't know if this means we are not getting a higher heat sex scene | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

satorusugurugurl · 11 months ago

Note

If this request makes you uncomfortable or isn’t something you want to write, I apologize and please ignore my request!

Heyy! I was wondering if I could request a satoru x reader x Suguru smut? With like, some bdsm mixed in yk. Tying reader up, satoru is a tease, and likes to make her squirm and ask questions he know she can’t answer because Suguru is fucking her throat. But Suguru is mean. Mean and tougher than satoru. He tells satoru to stop being so gentle with you, that not only do you deserve rough treatment but you like it. And satoru listens to him, of course. I just want them to run through me like a train😞

Also same mean geto anon (again lol) I’m gonna just sign off w an emoji now :3 -🍭

Hi Anon!

This isn't my cup of tea, it's my FUCKING jam!!

Summary: Gojo and Geto had been on a two-week-long mission, which hadn't gone as smoothly as Suguru wanted. He was pent-up and frustrated. So, of course, Gojo called you to warn you it might not be a good idea to come over. You, of course, did not heed his warning. The second you get home, you realize that you were screwed.

Word Count: 3,706

Warnings: BDSM, rough sex, oral sex, so much sex, degradation, teasing, the smuttiest of smut

A/N: Good God, Satoru x Reader x Suguru is my weakness!! I put my whole heart into this. Geto Suguru, teacher AU, is my kryptonite!

Part Two

She Likes it Like That

“Y/N babe,” Gojo said in a hushed whisper, “you probably shouldn't come home tonight.”

You cocked an eyebrow, looking away from the first year's training. “I'm sorry, did you just tell me not to come home. . .to our apartment?” The world ‘our’ came out like acid.

Gojo sighed overdramatically. “Don't say it like that. I'm trying to save you! Suguru is in such a bad mood.” You listened to him walking around. “I sighed out loud when I noticed the last of my mochi was gone. Fuck you for that, by the way, and do you know what he said to me?” You pinched at the bridge of your nose, waiting for the rant to continue. “He told me to shut the fuck up! For sighing!”

“What did you do to piss him off? Oh, and just an FYI, I bought you more mochi, asshole.”

“Oh—” silence, “thank you-I’m sorry, please don't return it.”

“Satoru! Forget about the mochi. What happened to Sugu?”

The mission your partners were sent on did not go as planned. Their hotel had flooded; it was not like they had time to consider sleeping. The higher-ups sent them to an abandoned mountainside village full of cursed spirits. Poor Suguru had to swallow dozens for nearly two weeks. Gojo had enough; he couldn't stand the pained expression on his face as he gagged the last spirit down. So he decided to Hollow-Purpled the entire village.

The second they got back, the higher-ups scolded the hell out of them. Chastising them, complaining that they didn't do a good enough job. After all their hard work, the time they spent away from home, from you. Those bastards dared to complain about their hard work. It sent Suguru into a terrible mood, one that was bound to end with either a fight or someone getting fucked into the mattress.

One thing about Suguru was that when he was pissy, things felt out of his control. He needed to take control back. Which meant he wanted to have sex. He would be rough, really rough, tying either you or Satoru up, not letting you go until he had calmed down. Or if one of you was fucked too stupid to continue, his eyes focused on the other that wasn't tied up.

“So please, just stay with Ieiri tonight. I'm going to lock myself in my room. Last time he was this pissed off, the both of us were so sore we couldn't move.”

“Ugh, fuckin’ whatever.” This whole situation wasn't fair. You hated how your boyfriends were mistreated.

“Yeah, just stay the—oh, hi Suguru.” There was a shuffling in the background. “No, I wasn't talking shit.” Satoru nervously laughed. “Look, Sugu—no, put down the rope—”

“Toru?” Panic for your boyfriend sank into your stomach.

“Hey! Wait a second—Sugu—”

Before any other indication of what was happening came through the receiver, the other line cut off. So you quickly yelled to the students you had to leave and took off. By the time you made it, you were breathless from running and realized that in your panic, you left your keys at work.

You picked up the spare key hidden under the doormat. Just as you were about to unlock the door, it flew open. You slowly blinked, looking up at a very irritated Suguru. The man radiated gloom and tension. He was in his sweatpants, and his hair was tied in a messy bun, and, dear God, he looked pent up.

“Why the fuck are you using the spare key?”

“I-I uh—”

“Ooooh~ there she is~!” a hand gently rested against Suguru’s shoulder as Satoru peered down at you from behind your dark-haired boyfriend. “There's our girl!”

It only took a moment to see that Satoru mirrored Suguru’s frustration and anger. Oh fuck. The key fell from your hand as you took a step back. Suguru was demanding and rough when he was pent up. Satoru, on the other hand, was a tease. He liked pushing you, making you cry. Both of them being in a pissy mood simultaneously, this was a nightmare for you.

“Y-You, I thought you were in trouble!”

“Oh yeah, no.” Suguru’s soured face slowly twisted into a smirk as Satoru licked his lip. “But you~?” Suguru’s hand darted out, grabbing you by the front of your shirt, preventing you from moving further back. “You're royally fucked.” Before you even had a chance to respond, Suguru and Satoru grabbed you, yanking you inside.

“Awe~” Satoru hummed as he trailed his kiss up the bare thighs he lay between. “Look at you~ trying to clamp your thighs shut.” Gojo’s fingers were buried deep inside of you. Finger fucking you to the edge of yet another orgasm he would deny. “But you can't, can you~? Suguru’s got you all tied to the bed, spread out for us to use you.” A muffled moan escaped you. “Huh? What was that princess? You gotta use your big girl words.” Satoru tilted his head, cupping his free hand around the back of his ear. “Oooh! That's right, you can't talk when getting your throat fucked.”

You gagged as Suguru's cock hit the back of your throat. He was quiet, his eyes shut in concentration. He looked so fucking hot, so focused on the feeling of your mouth. Sweat was beading on his forehead as he pulled in and out of your mouth, grunting softly as you hollowed your cheeks. But the more Satoru spoke, the more Suguru knitted his eyebrows.

“I bet you want me to stuff your pussy, too, don't you~? You want to be spit-roasted between your two boyfriends?” Your pussy twitched at his words. “Oooh~!! Your cunt just twitched. Is that what our sweet girl wants—”

“Satoru,” Suguru snarled, “shut the fuck up.”

“Well, excuse the fuck out of me. Y/N likes it when I tease her.”

Suguru tsked, pulling his thick cock out of your mouth. You gasped and coughed, spit and precum coating your chin. Between your pants and the gasps for air, Suguru went to what you thought would be a head pat. Instead, his fingers tangled in your air with a hard yank, pulling you up to look down at Satoru. His face was flushed, cerulean eyes wide as he looked between his two partners.

“Look at the fucking slutty face she's making.” The grip on your hair tightened. “You think she looks like this because of your pitiful teasing?” A shaky moan escaped you as he tightened his grip harder. “No, she looks like this because this little slut likes it rough.”

Fuck, you wanted more, to run your hands over Suguru’s arms, to grip his cock, urging him to keep fucking your throat. You were desperate to trap Satoru's head firmly between your thighs, forcing him to kiss and lick your clit. Instead, you weakly tugged at the purple restraints tied to both your wrists and ankles. Suguru had set up the rigging underneath the mattress, making it impossible for you to move. Meaning if you wanted his cock back in your mouth or Satoru’s tongue inside of you, you had to wait for them.

What made it more frustrating was the fact that you were completely bare. Not allowing you to hide the way your body reacted to Suguru’s dirty words. He was telling the truth. And the truth was behind your body's reactions. Gojo could see it in the way your tight entrance clenched around his fingers. He could feel your pussy drip around him, your wetness running down his knuckles. Suguru was right; you did like it; no, like wasn't the right word.

You fucking loved it.

Suguru could see the wheels turning in Satoru’s head as his eyes glittered with lust and excitement. “Satoru~ do you finally see it?~” The way Suguru purred his name had Satoru’s cock throbbing. “You see why she came home, even though she knew she’d get fucked?”

“Yeah, yeah, she's a fucking slut.”

“Yeah, she is.” A sharp tug on your head made you yelp. Suguru grinned, cocking an eyebrow at you. “You want it rough? Want me to fuck your throat so hard you cry, pretty girl?”

“Y-Yes, please.”

Gripping his cock at the base, Suguru slapped his thick meat against your cheek. “That's a good girl. Now open up.” slowly, you opened your mouth to him. Watching your tongue slip out had his tip angry, throbbing red. “Now,” he smeared the beading precum over your bottom lip, “say ah~.”

“Ahh~” The second that sound left your pretty mouth Suguru shoved his cock in your mouth. Your eyes stung as tears filled your eyes.

Satoru’s fingers had stopped their slow movements inside of you. His mouth was dry as he gulped. Suguru had been rough before, but this was a whole new level. His thick fingers wrapped around your Y/H/C hair, holding your head in place. His hips pull back before slamming forward, his ass clenching with the force of each thrust. Blue eyes slowly trailed over to your face. Your eyes were red, big tears slowly down your cheeks, and your throat was fucked. Satoru swore he could see Suguru’s tip bulging in your slender neck.

This was fucking hot. Suguru’s bare back glittered in the low light of the bedroom, a sheen of sweat beaded over his toned muscles. It was like watching a god fuck a mortal Suguru radiated a dominating power as he watched their girlfriend choke and gag on his cock. Satoru’s cock was so hard it fucking hurt. Reaching down, he wrapped his hand around his throbbing shaft, jerking it slowly as he leaned down, kissing and nipping at your inner thighs.

The gentle kisses had you sighing contently around Suguru’s cock. Looking over his shoulder, Suguru sighed as he watched Satoru. His pink tongue was stuck out, gently teasing your damp folds. The sensation had you sighing around his dick, and that was not what he needed right this fucking second. Suguru wanted more; he needed it to relieve the tension in his shoulder. But that relief, the release he needed, wouldn’t happen, with Satoru teasing you like he loved to do.

“Satoru,” Suguru's voice was rough, “I just told you Y/N likes it rough.”

“Uh-huh~” Satoru’s voice was muffled as his face buried in your pussy, making you whine around the cock buried in your mouth.

“You’re not being rough enough.” Satoru pulled back, making you whine in protest. “Oh, I’m sorry. Do you want to come down here and eat Y/N’s pussy while I get my dick sucked?”

“No.” The cocky smile that was beginning to form on Satoru’s face was suddenly gone as Suguru reached his free hand down, wrapping his fingers in soft white hair. “I want you to fucking eat her cunt out like you fucking hate her.” Your eyes rolled back as Satoru was slammed back down into your pussy. The moan that left his mouth vibrated just right against our clit, making you cry out. “Ah~ fuck yes.” Your cries vibrated around Suguru’s cock, just the way he wanted. “That’s it, Satoru, keep it up.”

“Mmmmph.” Finally, having a picture of how Suguru wanted him to act, Satoru found himself motivated. Again, it might be because his boyfriend was tugging and pulling at his sensitive hairline. Yeah, that was motivating him. Fuck you like he hated you, he could do that. He was just as pent-up as Suguru was.

Fingers slammed inside your pussy, fucking in and out of your tight hole with a force and speed that had you crying out in pleasure. Your moans felt so fucking good, and the more you opened your mouth to cry, the deeper Suguru fucked your throat. He hit the back over and over again, his hand pressing firmly against Satoru’s head, pushing him harder against your clit. The two of you moaned while your mouths were being used; the sounds of whimpers, squelches, and gagging were like a symphony to Suguru’s ears.

Out of all the ways for him to relieve his stress, this was by far his favorite.

“Hah—fuck keep that up, Satoru, bring her right to the edge, then stop. I want her cumming with both of us inside of her. Fucking her so rough she has to call out of work tomorrow and Friday.” The thought of that had you pulling on your restraints. “Oooh oh, you like that? You like knowing the two of us will make sure you can’t walk or talk tomorrow?” Your muffled moans were quickly molded into gags as Suguru roughly fucked your face. “Yeah, you fucking do, you nasty little slut.”

Your mind was spinning as you felt yourself climbing closer and closer to your orgasm. The room was so hot and reeked of sex. It was all you could do not to allow yourself to cum right then and there. Satoru could feel it, the way your little swollen clit throbbed against his tongue, how your walls clamped down on his fingers. He wanted to send you over the edge. He was close to following you as he fucked his hips helplessly into the mattress, wishing it was your wet pussy instead.

One orgasm wouldn’t hurt, would it? You had been so good to them, allowing the duo to drag you into the house, strip you in the entryway, and tie you to the bed. Plus, on top of all that, they had left you alone for two weeks. You had to rely on that stupid vibrator Suguru insisted on allowing you to keep. That stupid toy was nothing compared to his tongue. Which was probably why he was bringing you to a mind-blowing orgasm in under three minutes.

Yeah, he was going to let you cum.

Curling his fingers up into your g-spot, Satoru fucked you as fast as his wrist would allow. Suguru instantly knew what was happening. From the way your eyes shut to how loud you were moaning around him, you were seconds away from cumming. If he was in a better mood, he might have allowed it to happen. Unfortunately, he wasn’t done with you yet.

“Stop.” Suguru scolded, pulling Satoru away from your dripping sex.

Both you and Satoru made disapproving groans as your orgasm slowly faded out of sight. “Doesn’t she deserve a treat? She’s been so good!” Satoru whined, licking your juices off his lips.

“I agree. Y/N does deserve a reward. But you need to give it to her in the roughest way that you can.” Suguru pulled his cock out of your mouth, allowing you to catch your breath. “Look at it this way. We get to blow off the steam while we make up for making her play with herself for two weeks.”

“Huh?” Those words struck a different chord in Satoru, and his cock twitched.

“Y/N, sweetheart, how often would you say you played with yourself when we were gone.”

You swallowed at the air greedily. “I don’t know, seven, maybe eight times.” Both your boyfriends shuddered, hearing the hoarseness of your voice.

“And out of all of those times, did you cum as hard as you do with us.”

“Not at all. They were all baby orgasms.”

Suguru shut his eyes, nodding his head. “See, Satoru, not only does our little slut like us rough and demanding, but we have to make up for those eight little orgasms.” When the dark-haired man looked back at Satoru, he saw a flash of white before your scream of shock and please bounced off the walls.

Suguru’s eyes were slightly wide as his brain tried to catch up with what his eyes had just witnessed. What he saw was Satoru balls deep inside of you. His thrusts were sloppy and needy, and fuck you looked as stunned as Suguru. One second you had been empty, pussy craving a cock deep inside of it from the denied orgasm. In the blink of an eye, Satoru was fucking into you more brutal than he’d ever fucked you before.

“I fucking told you, that toy was nothing compared to us.” Satoru snarled against the crook of your neck, digging his teeth into the sensitive skin. “Fucking stupid toy, not pleasing my girl.”

“Oh my—fuck, holy fuck!” You cried out, mouth wide open. Giving Suguru the perfect opportunity to get back to fucking your throat. The bittersweet taste of pre-cum had your mouth watering. He returned to the brutal pace he was in several minutes again.

“She needs that Satoru. What if we get sent on another long mission? She’s just supposed to suffer?” The thought of that had Suguru tilting his head, bangs falling in front of his eye. “You know what, I think you might be on to something. If we take her toy away, then we’d have to fuck her even harder the next time we get home.”

Satoru’s teeth sank harder into your neck as the tip of his cock slammed almost too hard into your cervix, making you scream around Suguru. “Exactly. Let me use reversal red on it, Y/N, please, baby.” You started to shake your head in a desperate plea to let you keep it. But Suguru’s cock in your throat made it impossible to do so. “What was that? Oh, right, you have your mouth full.” His lips moved against your pulse as his fingers dug into your hips. “Guess we’ll just have to say the way your clamping down on my cock is a yes in our book.” Your eyes darted up to Suguru, who had bought you the toy, for help.

“Mhmm fuck, yeah, I’m pretty sure she just hummed an ‘uh-huh’ around my cock.”

You wanted to argue, to fight against this rash decision, but you felt so good it was almost impossible to care. You were screaming around Suguru’s cock. Tears streaming down your face, leaving behind trails of mascara. They were both being so mean and rough. God, it was so fucking good. Who cared about a clit sucker when your throat and pussy were being fucked into next week.

“She’s close.” Satoru cried out, his balls slapping against your ass. “Oh fuck she’s hugging my cock so tight I’m going to explode Suguru.”

With blurry eyes, you glanced up at Suguru. His cheeks were flushed, and his eyes shut tight. “I know, oh fuck I know, I’m so close, Satoru, don’t fuckin’ stop, make her cum, make her cum so hard.” Both his hands grabbed your face fucking your throat roughly as Satoru cried out, his hand pressing roughly on your clit, rubbing it in fast circles.

That was all that you needed. You cried out, squirting all over Satoru’s crotch, abdomen, and the mattress. Your orgasm set a domino effect between your boyfriends. Suguru followed behind you, his body hunched over you, his hands gently squeezing your head as he filled your mouth full of his thick cum. You weakly tried swallowing all of it, but that was somewhat difficult as Satoru extended your orgasm.

His thumb continues to rub your clit until his face scrunch up, mouth open in a feral growl. Satoru's orgasm hit him like a punch in the gut. He fucked all three of you harder, closer to oblivion. The headboard slamming against the wall as the restraint dug into your wrists was the only thing grounding you to remain on Earth. Satoru didn’t let up on the rough thrusts until he felt his cum dripping around his cock onto the bed.

The throbbing pain in the back of your throat, deep inside of your pussy was all the confirmation you needed that your boyfriends had fulfilled their promise. Never in your life had you been fucked so roughly. But it was a pain that you warmly welcomed.

After coming down, Suguru was the first to move gently. The rough hands that had been holding you in a vice gently held you as he pulled his softening cock out of your mouth. “Lay down.” His gruff, gentle voice whispered as he helped rest you against a pillow.

“Oh fuck—“ Satoru lifted his head off your shoulder, “I haven’t cum that hard in a while.” He was so slow, pulling out of you, grimacing as you cried out. “Sorry, fuck I’m sorry, baby.”

You shut your eyes, listening to Satoru getting out of bed. You could hear water running in the bathroom as gentle fingers began undoing your restraints. “You did such a good job, Y/N,” Suguru whispered. “Such a good girl for us.” His praise had you humming happily as he made quick work of the rest of the ropes.

“Suguru, let’s order in, yeah?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

The next half hour was a blur of warm happiness. Satoru helped wash your body in a bubble bath before Suguru joined you, kneeling next to the tub, lovingly stroking your face and hair. After you were cleaned up, your hair brushed, and pajamas on. You crawled into your bed with fresh sheets and relaxed. Satoru and Suguru fluffed your pillows and brought you a cup of tea for your raw throat. When your dinner arrived, the three of you sat in bed together to eat as a B-grade horror movie played on the television.

After eating, Satoru left to throw out the take-out containers. “Mmm, thank you for letting us do all that,” Suguru said as he crawled into bed after his shower. “That mission, it was rough.”

“I’m always happy to help.” Your voice cracked, making Suguru frown. “Stop frowning,” you flicked his forehead. “I like it rough.”

The bed dipped, and Satoru wrapped his arms around your waist. “Y/N can handle it. She is dating the two strongest, after all.” Both you and Suguru scoffed, relaxing in the growing silence. “Oh, by the way, Y/N.”

“Yeah?” You yawned, snuggling into Suguru’s chest as he turned the bedside lamp off.

“Did you bring home my mochi?”

In the dark of the room, you heard a thump and Satoru’s whine before Suguru pulled the three of you closer to him. “Satoru shut the fuck up about the mochi.”

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anomaliex · 2 months ago

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Thinking about the bad kids in a more classic adventuring party context. The only time we really see the them out adventuring for a prolonged amount of time and camping and stuff is sophomore year, but I'd assume they get other slightly less fate of the world deciding assignments like that? Also they're probably out camping with the hangvan during the night yorb stuff.

If they have to camp somewhere potentially dangerous (which is. Anywhere you'd have to camp at.) obviously Adaine keeps watch at night because she only has to trance for four hours. Elf takes the night watch this is like adventuring 101. But Riz for sure does the other half so she can really rest during her trance. Should Riz sleep more than four hours? For sure. Does he? No. His body is so used to it that four hours is a perfectly functional long rest. Only slightly concerning. I think it always goes Riz stays up super late (and is maybe working out clues and stuff while the others are resting and he's keeping watch) and then Adaine gets her four hours in and "gets up" early. Riz is Riz so he only sleeps next to or on her so that if something is wrong he gets woken up as quickly as possible.

Also they all sleep with their weapons/spell casting focuses close by. (Riz and Adaine do this at home too which is slightly overkill but Adaine does have every anxiety disorder and Riz probably. Either has anxiety or ocd or both so that's. Fair.) Kristen fully hugs her staff (and the teddy!) in her sleep. The heavy metal axe or the infaethable bass are clunky and big but Gorgug and Fig at least sleep as close to them as possible. Could reach over and grab them type deal. Adaine just keeps the sword of sight on her since she can trance sitting so it's not a bother or anything. The sword of shadows DOES bother Riz sleeping but he still keeps it on him. His arquebus is directly under whatever padding he's using to sleep so it's hidden and he can pull it out. Fabian obviously keeps Fandrangor close by but he fully never stops physically touching his battle sheet. Mechanically I'm pretty sure it acts as both his spell casting focus and the shield for his protection fighting style so I like to think he drapes it over whatever friend is closest to him along with himself. Keeping his friends safe :) (also warm. I think it's always warm even though it's thin because of the fire elemental)

Oh also also. The Hangman. In motor cycle form it's pretty straight forward but if he's in hellhound form because they're traversing a forest or something and being a motorcycle is just. So inconvenient. (Which also means they couldn't have possibly travelled with or slept in the hangvan) He curls up around Fabian (and again whoever is closest) because big dog protect. Also sometimes his snout is in Fabian's lap because I'm obsessed with him just being a big dog okay. He's so cute.

Actually it makes a lot of sense to me if either Gorgug or Fabian is sleeping close to whoever is keeping watch because they're obviously the more tanky party members and the ones keeping watch are the wizard and the rogue. Also they're both on the outside (with, if possible the hangvan and also the hangman covering them on either side if that makes sense?) while their full casters and rogue are in the middle. I know Fig has Paladin levels and good AC post junior year (and would probably still like to adventure with them even without being a student) but she still operates on bard hit points and also old habits die hard so she's gotta be in the protection cluster. Also she likes cuddling with her friends let her cuddle with her friends in the cluster.

(Side Note. At lower levels being the damage sponge is absolutely a barbarian's job but at higher levels where a lot of enemies do the types of damage non bear totem barbarians don't halve they get slightly less effective at it ((though they still have much more hit points than any of their other party members so they're certainly still good at it)) and are often the most effective just for damage output. So as they get older I'd almost say Fabian has more comfortably slotted himself into the protector role ((will never get over his goading attack defensive flourish thing it's so. Nice from a character standpoint. Doesn't try to be his father anymore but he feels strong and right when protecting his friends, still so eccentric.)) while Gorgug is the more forward aggressor? ((Especially with his smites or when he's hasted!! Which is also so cool from a character standpoint. Settled into artificing and more in touch with his own rage.)) But hey still both front liners and mostly interchangeable in that regard. Both WILL be Adaine's meat shield if she needs it.) But yeah just decided that Fabian sleeps closer to Adaine and Riz while Kristen and Fig are halfway on top of Gorgug. They're all in a cluster anyway but. Yeah.

Also I just like thinking about how to a certain extend characters of Spyre are aware of game mechanics. Like Brennan said they're actually studying how to be their individual classes. They probably don't "roll" in their heads or think of their stats as numbers or anything but good strategising like they did in the last stand or the battle with Porter and the Rat grinders is in universe the characters applying knowledge that they've partially acquired through experience but also just. Literally go to school for. They go to school for adventuring. I imagine nerds like Riz or Fabian who's a battlemaster are especially aware of party composition, positioning in battle etc but like all of them have to be. So yeah that's cool. Spellcasters probably get told specific conditions for common problems like counterspell even if they can't learn it so they can stay out of range of it, stuff like that.

#rambling into the void #dimension 20 #fantasy high #headcanons #bad kids #fabian aramais seacaster #riz gukgak #gorgug thistlespring #figueroth faeth #fig faeth #adaine abernant #kristen applebees

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donnadiddadog · 1 month ago

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the reaper pt 1

Summary: Y/N is a member of the Inner Circle, and there is a decision to have a suicide mission that would help win the war against Hybern - and Y/N has to take charge of it. Azriel cannot let Y/N go just like that.

Word Count: 1.9K ish

Warnings: Mentions of death and soldiers being harmed in war, slight cursing (if any tbh i don't think so). If anything is left out, let me know below!

a/n: First Person (but I use Y/N as a character, not an OC), I am going to convert this into a series cuz I have an idea (this is going to be slightly based on Nesta’s whole spiral in ACOSF in the next few parts). All credit for the prompt and the inspiration of the first half (loosely based on the story part 1) to “Farewell my love” (written by @allthehopesforlove) - you should check it out, too. It's pretty well written (sending you much love @allthehopesforlove<3). Also, the concept of the Eight is based on Manon from the TOG series! I' 'll upload the next few parts by Jan end (I have finals in two days what am I doing here????)

14th Jan 2025, Writing 3

There is no way that the war can be won without this move. That was the consensus as we stood around the replica of the battleground - Rhys was motionless as he assessed the situation and Cassian kept pacing around the tent that swayed with the wind. Mor was leaning against the chair, her injuries preventing her from standing up straight. I looked at Azriel as he stared at the map and tried to figure out.

The move was simple - a 300 soldiers in a formation that would cleave the Hybern army at the centre, at the weakest point. With the seperation of the army into fragments, the Spring, Autumn and Day Court Armies could take over the upper flank and the Winter and Dawn Court Armies taking over the lower flank; the Night Court attacks from the back to prevent anyone else from escaping. The Summer Court would join the 300 soldiers after they had seperated the army and prevent them from joining again which would turn the tide of the war against Prythian.

All 300 would most likely die. A 95% chance according to me, Cassian agreed with that figure, if not implying that the danger was higher. Feyre was watching her mate, I think she was just scared that he would choose to be the one to lead the soldiers now nicknamed the Regiment 300. The final stand.

There were arguments made in favour and against, Rhys and Cassian at each others throats, Azriel trying to calm the whole situation down. I stood there watching them all fight and try to figure it out while the clock ticked. Hybern would not stop their planning, their tactics just because we couldnt get our shit together. The other High Lords were aware of this plan, it was Beron who had assigned the final duty of choosing the Regiment 300 from the Night Court rather than any other Court. He deemed it fair - that it was us who had to shed the final blood. Meant it as an insult but it was right.

I dont remember much because it was a blur. I had slammed my fists into the table, looked them dead in the eye and explained why it couldnt be any of them. How if Morrigan rode out, she wouldnt make it ten steps before falling dead from her horse. How Feyre could not go to war because she was not trained enough yet. How Rhysand cannot go to war because he is the High Lord and his death would mean a constitutional crisis. How Cassian and Azriel cannot go to war because they had to lead the Night Courts attack with Feyre assisting. How Amren was not going to since she had to figure out the Cauldron’s final secrets. And that only left me.

I wasn't exactly a military person, like Cassian was. I was a strategist, I knew the military tactics but nothing more. I wasn't interested in the training part of it. But I was a damn good leader, people listened to me and I could hold my weight for a while in battle if it came down to it. I could do it, I had to do it. It was the only option left and I knew that I would have to do it. If only to see my family, the Inner Circle, see the sunrise day after tomorrow.

Azriel spoke almost as a whisper, “You cannot possible think that I would allow you to go and do that. To go and kill yourself.” Before Rhys could agree with him and argue with me, I looked Azriel dead in the eye and asked him to find another individual to sacrifice then. And he had stopped breathing, his mind turning. But he wouldnt accept it, his eyes betryaed that he would have rather tied me down than let me go. That is the male I know, the one who cannot bear to accept my demise. Oh Azriel, if only you knew how much I hate this decision of mine. Sweetheart, we were supposed to have a lifetime together.

Further arguments were made but I turned to Rhys and spoke to him mind to mind. He turned to me, face to face, man to man. And I reminded him of that phrase that all good monarchs were supposed to live by. I bent the knee, bowed my head and waited for him. He took a sharp breath in and spoke in his regal voice, “Y/N, you have been given command of the Regiment 300. Ride in the name of the High Lord of the Night Court and make your last stand. Defend Prythian and may the Mother be with you.” I rose and bowed to my High Lord as I turned.

I left the tent before Azriel could grab my hand, before he could see the tears drop. Cassian held him against his will and I could hear Azriel bellowing out my name, cursing the gods for letting this happen, attempting to hurt Cassian to reach me in any way, in any form. Feyre held Mor as she mumbled about this not being fair.

The decision was made, I would lead the Regiment 300 tomorrow at dawn. I had summoned the Eight - my military advisors but more than that my closest friends, we had grown up together, seen each other do things that we thought weren't possible, reaching positions and training to higher levels. My most trusted souls. Pieces of my heart each of them. They were going to join me in the suicide mission and I had to see them all one last time before dawn.

I went to my tent to prepare my armor and set my affairs in order. I told my sentry to prepare my horse and get the men together, I would address them as Commander about their suicide mission. That I would join them in their deaths would be my greatest honor. The last stand would be made. And we would win.

I remember the taste of blood in my mouth, the feeling of sweat dripping, the tightening of my hands on the spear. I remember the feeling of my horse running forward, looking to my right and my left to see my friends, my chosen few, surging forward through the mud. I remember it all.

And I remember waking up in that godforsaken tent with that male looking at me with hazel eyes full of concern and I knew what had happened. I had forsaken my soldiers, the regiment had been abandoned. I led them into war and I deserted them to die.

Slapping his arms away and throwing it off me, I ran out of the tent. Running to see that the sun was almost setting. We had set out at sunrise, it was now sunset. No, this cannot be true. Where are they? Please don't let it be true. I gasped at the sudden pain in my side, noticing that I had an injury to my left flank. The arrow hit me when we first made contact with the army.'

The battleground was barely half a kilometer away, clutching my side to prevent any bandages from falling, I ran the distance trying to see what had happened. I heard Azriel calling out to Rhys and the rest. They were alive but I didn't care about that right now, I had to check on the Eight, my regiment. It was mostly a downhill journey, with a few slips due to loose rocks. I kept my head down to not see what was ahead, I didn't want to lose hope, and I didn't want to accept what had surely happened.

I smelt it before I saw it. I didn't hear it because they were all dead with spears and arrows jutting out of their bodies. No, that is a lie - I did hear it. I listened to the vultures and crows in the sky and on the ground. Feasting. I reached the base of the slope and I looked up at the battleground. A crematorium. A graveyard. The site of my greatest failure.

And I tried catching my breath, looking at the bodies, at the mangled flesh and bone, at the blood that soaked the mud as my bare feet made contact with it, at the horses whose legs had been twisted and intestines hanging out, at the soldiers with cracked skulls, one with his leg blown off, and another completely impaled on a spear.

I couldn't feel anything, my face was numb, and my hands were numb. I was numb. I trudged along because I had found my entire regiment dead but I had to check on the Eight. I had to see their dead eyes so I could tell them that I would join them soon. That is my punishment, that is the price for this mistake. Blood will appease blood.

So I walked to the start of the bloodshed, the site where the regiment hit the Hybern army for the first time. Where I was supposed to lay dead and broken. I was the leader of that regiment, the commander who had told them that this was our last stand. Yet I was alive and they were dead. I stepped on something and I heard a crunching noise. I took a second, hyperventilating before I looked down and saw it. I saw her.

I had found what I was looking for - the Eight lay together in a small circle, almost as if they were trying to hold each other’s hands in their last moments. It seemed that they had tried to create a triangle to penetrate the defense. It had worked but it worked because they fought to the death. The rest of the regiment must have gone through breaking the army from the inside out and the move worked. The Summer Court must have shortly followed. And they didn't stop until they had won the war.

I fell onto my knees, into the mud, and I was shaking, with grief, loss, and despair. And I picked up her body to try to bring it close to mine, to try and hold her one last time. She was long gone but it seemed as if this would help, somehow reduce her pain and make it easier for her to go. I can only imagine what it was like when she had to go, how alone she felt, how betrayed and disgusted she felt that the Commander had been saved, not them.

If I could I would have saved you, I am sorry, it should have been me, I should have died. I don't deserve to live, I will join you.

I screamed those words into the air as I held her and crawled to the rest, begging for them to wake up, to not forgive me but to punish me, telling them that I would join them. That I was the betrayer, the reason for their deaths. That they should never forgive me.

I cried into the mud with their bodies next to me. My wound had already been bleeding profusely and I thought it to be poetic justice that I, too die next to them from a wound I received at the battle that they died in. Except they would die a warrior’s death and I would die a coward’s death. Right next to them.

This is what I deserve. And there was only one person to blame for this.

Azriel.

#acotar x reader #acotar fic #acotar world building #night court #politics #acotar politics #possible series #azriel x reader #war with hybern #Azriel angst #azriel blaming #spiral #mental health goes to shit

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catboybiologist · 1 year ago

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Be honest: do you think there are femboys who aren't just eggs?

Yes, and tbh I resent that their existence is questioned so much. And I know this is gonna be considered a Bad Take by many people I've fostered a community with, so uh. Yeah.

As a former femboy, and current dykey/tomboyish trans woman, gender nonconformity within your actual gender is an essential part of a trans or genderqueer identity. In a lot of ways, my transition goals are the inverse of being a femboy- I'm going from a feminine man to a masculine woman. And yet, the trans community doesn't question my feminimity as a masculine woman in the same places where many people would question the masculinity of a feminine man. And don't even get me started on where NB identities fit into all of this. This is largely coming from the same place where people are okay with women wearing pants, but men or AMABs in general wearing skirts is Bad (tm).

Like don't get me wrong. The caricature of the Bad Trans pushing all the femboys to become eggs is a wildly overexaggerated, and I've met many, many femboys online that used that caricature to excuse rampant transphobia. But. I hate that there's a but. But.... I literally experienced it myself many times during my femboy days, especially online. Here's a short list:

-Had a transmed bombard me with harassing messages and comments on reddit telling me that I was a "fencesitter" and I just needed to "fucking transition already and stop making trans people look bad"

-Had a trans woman I knew irl shove an estradiol pill in my face, and try to order me to take it, in front of a group of people I wasn't even fully comfortable presenting as a femboy to, until she was eventually asked by someone else to stop.

-Had several comments indicating that I should be force femmed in femboy subreddits

-Had many, many DMs trying to tell me I was a "failed man" that should just transition already

And to clarify- all of this is so, so mild compared to transphobia that myself and others face. But it is a very real thing that happens. To many femboys, I think this is the first time they've received any kind of queerphobia or questioning of their identity, so it feels far worse in their heads than it really actually is. And, to be fair, I think it mostly happens from the more gender binary minded cis community than it comes from trans people- but as I've said, I've had it coming from trans women both irl and online.

I've also tangentially noticed that it seems to be transmed adjacent. Not saying that this anon is, or others who try to encourage femboys to explore their gender, but there certainly is a correlation. If its difficult for you to acknowledge cis gender nonconformity, then its easy to see that extending to a lack of understanding of nonbinary people or others with different trans experiences.

Every time one of these things happened, it didn't put me any closer to transition. It made me feel unsafe. It made me feel on the spot, and scared, and almost outed.

I've said this before, and I'll say it again- if you want historical parallels to femboys, we have a perfect example in drag. Drag is performative, over the top femininity that has become its own artform, style, and means of expression in a way that is intrinsically tied to gender nonconformity. Being a femboy is also all of those things. And guess what? Many drag queens have used it as a way to explore their own gender and realize that they're trans. There are also many who are cis, and remain confident in that identity. Is the percentage of trans people among people who have done drag at some point higher than the general population? Of fucking course- its one of the few places where exploring gender is encouraged and celebrated. Of course trans people flock to that. And the exact same thing is true of femboys. Are a higher proportion of femboys trans or eggs than the general population. Of course. It's a great venue for trans people to explore their identities. But even more of them are

Am I saying you're a bad person if you encourage femboys and gender nonconforming people to consider the possibility that they're trans? Of fucking course not. It was the gentle, affirming pressure with respect and care for my comfort levels from several incredible trans women I know irl that eventually made me confident enough to start HRT. Their continually support is a key factor in my social transition plans for the future. I needed that pressure, and I think everyone, including people who aren't actively engaging in gender nonconformity, needs some push to question their gender and start unlocking cis+. But to be blunt, questioning whether cis femboys even exist is not gentle, comfortable, and affirming pushes.

#trans #transgender #femboy #gender #gender discussion #egg

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ginnsbaker · 11 months ago

Text

fic: if i bleed (you'll be the last to know) (5/?)

Part summary: With Leigh, it feels like for every step forward, you end up taking two steps back.

Pairing: Leigh Shaw x Fem!Reader | Word count for this part: 5.600+ | Warnings Some angst, het stuff | A/N: Texts in italic indicate they happened in the past. We get an insight about R's past with Matt and a little surprise at the end.

Masterlist | Part I Part II | Part III | Part IV | Next part

You'd hardly expect to meet a decent guy on the street nowadays.

Though, to be fair, it's less about meeting him and more about running straight into him. At the moment, you don't give it much thought. You distinctly remember wincing from the impact, feeling solid muscle and jutting bones, and a surge of irritation bubbles up inside you because you're not exactly having the best day. But then, the man you ran into looks up, and his face is all apologies.

He looks like he might cry if you don't forgive him, so you do. As you stand there, trying to process the situation, he notices the coffee spilled all over the floor—your coffee, which has now created a sad, dark puddle around your feet.

“Can I buy you another coffee?”

Despite the kind gesture, you find yourself shaking your head, more keen on changing out of your coffee-stained coat than sticking around any longer.

From a few steps away, his impatient friend calls out, “Are you coming, Matt?”

“Yeah, just wait a sec,” Matt responds, his attention still on you. You usually don’t trust men running into you without an agenda, but there’s something about him that tells you he didn’t mean to, and that he’s more than willing to make up for it.

“No, thanks. I got it…”

He looks unnecessarily worried as he leans in a bit closer. “You sure about that?” he asks.

His brown eyes are the friendliest pair you’ve seen in a while. And being essentially alone in this new town, they pull you in like gravity.

“Y-Yes. Just watch where you’re going next time,” you stammer, attempting to stabilize your shaky legs.

“Matt!”

Matt nods hesitantly, then mumbles, “Sorry, I have to go. Again, I'm really sorry,” before his gaze releases you, and you feel its force that held you in a vice-like grip easing away.

As you're walking away, you keep having to tell yourself not to look over your shoulder, even though every part of you kind of wants to.

You guess you must be really lonely, to cling onto the first bit of kindness someone throws your way.

Your deliberate attempts to bump into Leigh finally pay off one brisk Friday morning. But it’s not in the way you’ve imagined it would go.

The town is just waking up, the chill in the air biting at your cheeks as you take your routine jog through the quiet streets. You've discovered that running suits you better than yoga, mainly because it's something you can do solo, and you've always leaned towards activities where you can be by yourself. You’re tired, but you try to lift your knees higher with every stride, keeping your cadence in check.

Turning a corner, a sudden commotion catches your attention. A group of rowdy teenagers barrel down the sidewalk, loud and oblivious to anything but their own world. One of them, a bit too caught up in the fun, nearly crashes into you, forcing you to swerve unexpectedly.

In your effort to dodge, you step right into the path of Leigh Shaw.

It all happens too fast; there's no chance for either of you to do anything else. You crash into each other, the impact sending a jolt through your bodies. You tumble sideways, your arm shooting out instinctively, breaking your fall and softening the impact as you land. Leigh lets out a sharp yelp as she staggers forward from the force of the collision, a look of shock quickly spreading across her face. As she falls, her knee scrapes against the rough concrete, and when she finally sits up, there's a noticeable gash, bleeding freely.

“Oh my god, I am so, so sorry,” you blurt out, horrified at the sight. “Are you okay? Can you stand?”

She grimaces, glancing at her knee, then back at you. “Well, I've definitely been better,” she says, trying to keep her voice light despite the pain. You give her a hand up, and as she leans on you for support, you can't help but notice she's dressed in denim shorts, a blue parka, and flip-flops—not exactly the attire for a morning jog. The sun's just starting to show its face, and you're left wondering where she's headed so early, if she's not out for a run or something.

Looking around, you notice the roll-up shutters of nearby establishments are still down, indicating they won't be opening anytime soon. It’s apparent that there's nowhere immediate to find help or a first-aid kit. You scratch the back of your neck, an awkward idea coming to you.

“I don’t think there’s nowhere we can ask for help,” you start, trying not to sound too anxious about what you’re about to suggest. “I've got a first-aid kit at my place, though. It's not far. We could fix you up there, if you're okay with it?”

Leigh takes a beat, and then gives you a nod. “I guess that's my best option right now. Lead the way.”

As you start walking, Leigh instinctively grabs your arm for support. Your foot have barely hit the pavement when she suddenly grips tighter, fingers clawing into your arm as she lets out a hiss of pain. The wound must have stretched as she bent her knee to take a step, and with the way she's limping, you realize making her walk is a bad call.

“Shit, I'm really sorry,” you apologize again, the situation dawning on you. This isn't at all how you wanted to run into Leigh again, especially after trying to find a way to reconnect since the dinner in her car. “Let me get an Uber.”

Leigh starts to object, but you're already pulling out your phone. The last thing you wanted was for your attempt to help to end up hurting her more.

“So, where were you headed earlier?” you ask casually, hoping not to pry too much. “Doesn't seem like you were out for a run like I was.”

Leigh’s injury is more severe than you first thought; after hitting a rough patch on the pavement, her knee took the brunt of the fall. The skin is scraped away in several places, revealing angry, reddened flesh beneath.

“Grocery, or something,” Leigh mumbles, distracted and wincing a bit as you ready another dab of antiseptic for her knee. The moment the cotton touches the wound, she can't help but jerk away slightly.

“Sorry, sorry,” you murmur, soothingly, noticing she's struggling to stay still. To help steady her, you gently hold onto her calf, and that's when you feel your cheeks start to warm up. “I'll be as quick as I can,” you promise, trying to sound more confident than you feel.

“I’m okay. You're doing...fine,” Leigh sighs between clenched teeth, obviously trying to downplay her discomfort.

You know you're not fine, certainly not in the way Leigh means. All you can hear is yours and Leigh’s breathing, and your heart stuttering in your chest, because despite barely seeing Leigh in recent weeks, this annoying little crush won’t go away. It’s weird enough that she’s Matt’s wife, and you can't shake the feeling that you’re probably the last person she’d ever look at that way. Not to mention, you're not even sure if she's into women.

Once you’re done cleaning her wound, you carefully wrap a bandage around her knee. Then, you head to the fridge to grab some ice, noticing Leigh's puzzled look when you return.

“What’s that for?” she asks, tilting her head slightly.

“I have a feeling you're going to have a bone bruise after that fall,” you explain, handing her the ice wrapped in a cloth. “This should help with the pain and keep the swelling down.”

She accepts it, a small smile of gratitude on her face as she says, “Thanks.”

“No problem, it's my fault anyway.”

“It was an accident,” Leigh points out.

An accident that, if I'm being honest with myself, I was somewhat hoping for, you reflect with regret.

Leigh looks relieved as she presses the ice against her knee, eyes closing for a moment. With the immediate pain taken care of, you can't help but wonder again where she was headed earlier as you start pulling ingredients out of the fridge to whip up some breakfast.

“Hope you're hungry,” you say, flashing a smile as you fire up the stove.

“I'm fine, really,” she says, but the moment the bacon starts sizzling, she caves. “Actually, I could eat.”

With your back to her, you could smirk all you want at her change of heart. After frying up the bacon and eggs, you pull out some leftover rice and begin chopping garlic.

“What are you making?” Leigh asks suddenly from behind you.

“This is something I picked up on my travels through Southeast Asia,” you share as you cook. “Can't do bacon and eggs without it anymore. But I'll get some toast going for you.”

Leigh's face lights up, almost childlike. “Toast sounds great.”

You and Leigh settle into your meal, you with your plate of garlic rice, bacon, and eggs, and Leigh with her toast done just right alongside her bacon and eggs. She surprises you by complimenting how you cooked the eggs, noticing they're slightly burnt to a crisp around the edges.

“I've never had my eggs quite like this before,” she says.

“Oh, that?” you chuckle. “Learned the technique by accident some time ago. Got distracted and ended up leaving them on the heat a bit too long.”

She laughs too, and soon enough, you're both just talking like old friends, the conversation breezy and effortless. You begin to get a real sense of Leigh's sense of humor and it complements yours in the best way. Leigh loops back to when you mentioned visiting Southeast Asia, and you're more than happy to share your experiences, considering she's never left the country.

“...I’m pretty sure Hawaii counts, right? With the weather and everything, plus it’s really far—”

You’re still cracking up over some joke she made moments ago, and now you’re wondering if you’ll ever stop.

“No way, Leigh, it doesn’t work like that!” you get out between laughs, holding onto your stomach as you shake with laughter.

The more you talk, the more Leigh hangs on every word, making you feel surprisingly at ease. Sharing stories about places you've been and things you've seen becomes less about bragging and more about just sharing your adventures with someone who’s really listening. It's kind of refreshing, actually, feeling this free to dive into your memories with someone so interested.

That is until the topic eventually shifts to your fitness routine. It's then that Leigh offhandedly mentions, “You'll probably see more progress with the new instructor next week. I heard she’s got a certificate and all.”

You pause, fork paused mid-air. “New instructor? You’re not leading the class next week?”

Leigh simply shakes her head no.

“Then, when are you coming back?”

Leigh takes a breath before saying, “I actually quit.”

Hearing her say she’s left the studio nearly makes you spit out your breakfast. You're halfway through a bite, trying to wrap your head around the news, when suddenly, Leigh checks her phone. Before you can even dive into a million questions about why she quit, she's saying she needs to head home.

Your thoughts are spinning, but you don’t miss the opportunity to offer her a ride.

“You drive?” Leigh looks surprised.

“Yeah, just got the car this weekend,” you manage to say, still reeling from the shock that Leigh won't be at Beautiful Beast anymore.

“Are you sure? I can just call a cab,” Leigh mutters, probably noticing you're a bit out of it.

“No, really, I insist,” you say. Making her walk on that knee seems like the last thing you should do.

Leigh tries to brush it off once more, “Again, an accident.”

You ignore her, grabbing your keys from a dusty fishbowl. “Doesn't mean I won't be kicking myself over it.”

She lets out a sigh, and you can't quite tell if she's resigned or just annoyed.

As you pull up in front of Leigh's house for the first time, you're immediately taken in by its typical three-bedroom layout. The lawn, however, looks like it hasn't seen a mower in quite some time, giving the place a lived-in, somewhat neglected feel. You quickly get out of the car to help Leigh to the front step.

Then, out of nowhere, Leigh curses, patting down her pockets in a panic. “Fuck, I forgot my keys.”

“But someone should be home, right?” you ask.

Leigh rings the doorbell, her expression turning sour. “Yeah, my sister,” she mutters, clearly not thrilled at the prospect.

You're taken aback when, a few seconds later, it's Jules from the studio who opens the door. The sharp look they exchange isn't lost on you; it's clear there's more to the story than just Leigh coming home without her keys. You're gearing up to say goodbye, assuming Leigh will head inside, but instead, she turns to you and says, “Wait right here.”

You do as she says, glancing at the ground, shuffling your feet back and forth.

“Hi, I'm Jules, Leigh's sister. I've seen you around at Beautiful Beast. You're one of Leigh's clients?” Jules smiles at you, politely offering a hand for you to shake. You accept it and introduce yourself in return. Watching her face, you see the moment she puts it all together.

“Oh, you're the vet who Matt had—I'm sorry. It's just, I wasn't expecting to see you here, helping Leigh home.”

You knew where that first sentence was going, but you're silently thankful Jules decided to pull back and not finish it. You force a smile as you explain how you got here. “She was out for groceries, and I kind of ran into her, leading to a bit of a fall, and now—”

“No, she wasn’t,” Jules cuts in sharply.

“Sorry?”

“Leigh didn't come home last night,” she says. But before you have a chance to process this new information, Leigh returns, clutching a fifty-dollar bill.

“For the trouble,” she tells you, getting in front of Jules.

You attempt to wave it off. “Hey, you don't have to do that—”

But Leigh isn't taking no for an answer, she presses the bill into your hand. You never see it coming what happens next: she plants a quick peck on your cheek, effectively shutting down any further protests. The spot where her lips brushed against your skin tingles, and it’s all you can think about for a moment. Without waiting for you to react properly, Leigh starts herding Jules back inside the house, throwing over her shoulder a quick, “Thanks again, Y/N. Bye.”

You're left there, holding the bill in one hand, touching your cheek with the other, and staring at the closed door, suddenly very aware of how little you actually know about what's going on in Leigh's life.

Suzie shoots you that knowing look again as you head out of the clinic decked out in your active gear.

This time, a blush creeps up on your cheeks, memories of your chat with her about someone “making those sweat sessions worth it” floating back, and you try your best not to let your thoughts drift to Leigh. But then it hits you that she won't be there. Despite your dedication, the sheer excitement of going to the studio isn't quite what it used to be without her as your instructor.

Just as Suzie is about to lock up, the door bursts open. A man rushes in, cradling a small dog in his arms, panic written all over his face. He explains, breathless, that his pet is struggling with labor.

Suzie looks back at you. “I could call Foreman for this,” she says, already reaching for her phone. You stand there for a second, deliberating. Leigh won't be at the class; she's no longer at the Beautiful Beast.

Then, making up your mind, you hold out a hand to stop Suzie. “No, there’s no need. I've got this.”

It feels like you've just walked into one of those old-timey romantic movies, where chivalry isn’t dead and everything turns out way better than you could've ever hoped. In hindsight, it’s better. Because it’s real, and you're right in the middle of it, living a dream you didn't even know you had, with the kind of guy you thought only existed in those movies.

The night air is cool and light, brushing against your skin as the car slows to a stop in front of your apartment. To say the least, it's been an unexpected evening for a first date, and easily one of the best.

As Matt pulls up to your building, he turns to you, a sheepish grin lighting up his face. “Well, here we are,” he says, as if surprised you've arrived so soon.

You don’t want to say goodbye. Not yet. So you stay put in the passenger seat, doing your best to draw out the last strands of the evening.

“So, Nick was the mastermind behind all this?” you tease, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between you two.

Matt chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, about that... I had no clue he asked for your number until he handed it to me and said, ‘You owe me one’.”

“He’s the perfect wingman, then?”

“I guess you could say that,” Matt agrees, smiling. “I didn't tell him about my interest in you, but Nick knew anyway. He's good at reading people, always has been.”

“I see,” you say, your gaze following the contours of his cheeks, which carry a soft pink blush. It could be from the red wine you both enjoyed at dinner, or, you find yourself hoping, it might be because of you. “Well, he has my thanks. I really thought he was the one interested in me though.”

Matt laughs, a sound that rumbles deep in his chest. “No, it was always me. Since the moment I, uh, ran into you.”

There’s a moment where you both just stare at each other, tacitly acknowledging the serendipity of it all—the accidental meeting that could've ended with a simple apology and nothing more.

Yet here you are.

“You know, I'm glad it was you,” you profess, feeling a boldness that usually isn't there.

Matt breaks into a huge grin, but it's really in his eyes where you can see just how happy your remark has made him.

“Would you... maybe want to do this again? Without the running into each other part, I mean,” he says softly.

You laugh, nodding. “I'd like that. Just maybe start with coffee next time. And no spilling.”

“Deal,” he says, his grin infectious.

As you step out of the car, a proposition forms in your mind and you backtrack.

“Would you like to get that coffee now?”

Sometimes, you find yourself dreaming about your memories with Matt, particularly the part Leigh interrogated you about. Even though you stuck to the facts, you couldn't shake off the feeling that you were somehow deceiving her.

You wonder if this is why you haven't been able to sleep for days. That, coupled with the fact that you've been handling emergencies yourself instead of calling Foreman as you used to. Suzie has mentioned that since you're taking on all the emergency cases, you might be overcompensating your intern. You don’t tell Suzie though that your work has become a welcome distraction from the realization that your new hobby no longer holds your interest, leaving you with extra hours to fill before returning to the solitude of your apartment.

And without seeing Leigh, there’s only your own head to get your fill of her. You find yourself thinking about her now and then, about what she's been doing, wondering if she's found a new job after leaving her yoga instructor position. She crosses your mind at the most random hours of the day, take right now, for example—staring at this little 8-day-old Shih Tzu puppy in the incubator, its fur somehow has you thinking of Leigh's hair color.

The puppy was part of a litter brought in for a C-section. Tragically, its mother didn't survive, and the owner, possibly overwhelmed by the situation and the impending bills, abandoned them. Out of four puppies, this one, the runt of the litter, was the sole survivor.

“What are we going to do with you, huh?” you muse aloud, the puppy blinking back with innocent eyes. “I can't take you for myself; you'd just end up living here in the clinic with me. And let's be honest, living in a hospital can't be much fun, right? It’s not safe either, exposes you to diseases.”

You sigh, brushing its length with your forefinger. “The other choice is to send you to a shelter. I'm sure someone would fall head over heels for you and adopt you in no time. But,” you sigh, your heart heavy, “I can't guarantee that'll happen quickly, as much as we both might want it to.”

“Finding where you fit in this big world isn't easy, you know? It's like searching for that one place, or that one person, where you could simply just… belong to. But I guess when you finally find it, it feels like winning the lottery, right?”

The puppy makes a noise, automatically bringing a smile to your lips. You wonder if Leigh has ever thought of the same thing—about searching for where she belongs after losing her home and everything familiar when Matt passed away. Perhaps it's even scarier for her. The thought of finding that one thing that's uniquely ours, only to lose it forever. What if we're only given one thing that's truly meant for us?

And once it's gone, what does that leave us with?

One sleepless night, after deciding to bring the puppy home for a more personal touch in its care, a thought crosses your mind. What if you could restore some of what was inadvertently taken from Leigh? Maybe bring back a piece of home and purpose that seemed to have slipped through her fingers when her world turned upside down?

It’s true, the puppy's late-night energy partly nudged the thought your way, but deep down, you believe Leigh will be perfect for him. You're sure she'll adore him, and he's bound to love her just as much.

Just as you're settling back to attempt sleep again, your phone starts ringing. You blink at the screen, disbelief washing over you as you see it's Leigh calling—the same woman you've recently realized you have feelings for, and who's been on your mind just moments ago. A part of you wonders if she dialed the wrong number by mistake, but it keeps ringing, compelling you to answer.

“Leigh?” you answer, the name almost a question in itself.

On the other end, you hear her take a deep breath—an ironic move given how the call exudes a vibe of urgency. Then, she speaks, her voice clear yet carrying an undercurrent of something you can't quite place.

“Y/N Are you available to talk right now?”

“Yeah, I am. What's going on—”

“No, not on the phone. Can you meet me right now?”

You glance down at yourself, noting your sleep shorts and tee. You're so comfortable and cozy in bed, and the puppy had just gotten to sleep. It's tempting to reschedule this some other time. But the thought of Leigh Shaw on the other end of the line, coupled with the worrying nature of her request, tilts the balance. The idea of saying no, only to find out something bad happened to her, is something you know you wouldn’t forgive yourself for.

“Yes, I can meet you,” you say, hurrying your movements and snatching your jacket from the cabinet. “Where?”

The date doesn't end with just late-night coffee.

Matt's hand is on your ass, fingers digging in like he owns the place. You’re gripping his tie, pulling him in, again and again. Both of you are still wearing all your clothes, but they're starting to feel like barriers as you both lean into each other, striving to get as close as humanly possible.

The invitation for a nightcap, decaffeinated per his request, had both of you sitting a bit too close on the couch, sharing silly smiles over steaming cups as if you were already lost in love. When the cups were drained, conversation drifted dangerously towards the topic of sex, and that's when you caught yourself staring at Matt's lips. Before he had a chance to react, you were going for it, giving into weeks of pent-up sexual tension.

Matt's lips find their way to your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. Encouraged by the heat of the moment, your fingers start to work on the buttons of Matt's shirt, eager to explore further.

But then his hands caught yours.

“W-Wait…”

You’re stunned, pulling back almost reflexively, feeling a bit embarrassed as you tried to figure out if you crossed a line.

“Did I... do something wrong?” you ask.

Matt shakes his head and then kisses you on the forehead. He further reassures you by saying, “No, no, it's not you. I just think we might be rushing things a bit. I really like you, and I want us to be sure about this, you know?”

Inside, you’re a mess of wants and needs, but as much as you want him tonight, you realize you want him even more tomorrow, and the day after. You won't rush this, especially if he's not ready. So, you nod, squashing down the throbbing between your legs as you try to concentrate on anything but his half-open shirt.

“I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable or anything,” he adds, wearing that apologetic look on his face that got you the first time.

In response, you hold Matt's face gently, giving him a quick, soft kiss on the lips. “I really like you too,” you say, despite feeling like those words pale in comparison to what you truly feel for him.

Standing up, you figure he'll say his goodbyes and head out. But instead, Matt looks up at you, a sheepish grin spreading across his face.

“I don't want to rush things,” he repeats. “But, I also don't really want to leave just yet. Would it be okay if I stayed the night?”

The request takes you by surprise, a warm fluttering sensation bubbling up inside you at the thought of him wanting to stay. “Of course, you can stay,” you whisper, a smile tugging at your lips. “But I hope you're okay with the couch.”

Matt laughs and starts pulling off his socks. “There's nowhere else I'd rather be.”

Ever since Leigh asked to meet at a gas station on the sketchier side of town, your anxiety hasn't settled. It's a part of town known for trouble, somewhere you'd rather not be, especially in the dead of night. It doesn’t matter, because you’re hopelessly driven by concern and an unspoken affection that won't let you say no to her, no matter the time or place.

You walk up to the convenience store next to the gas station, its fluorescent lights flickering ominously, almost like you've just stepped into the opening scene of a horror movie. It's dead silent, aside from a radio playing inside the store, turned up by the person manning it in a feeble attempt to fill the silence or maybe to keep company. Leigh is inside, visible through the large, pane-glass window, nursing a coffee, alone. The way she's standing, something's off.

You make your way towards her, hands buried deep in the comfort of your hoodie's pockets.

“Hey—”

She's like a coiled spring at the sound of your voice. That should’ve been your first clue.

“Why did you lie?” Leigh asks point-blank.

“Leigh, I—What do you mean?”

Leigh's face twists into a grimace that chills you to the bone, a clear sign that tonight's going down one of two paths: either you both find a way through this mess, or she cuts you out for good. But you're lost, genuinely clueless about any lie she's accusing you of. You've been straight with her, at least you think you have.

Her nostrils flare, her eyes burning holes into you as she waits for some sort of confession. But all you can give her is a dumbfounded look.

After a while, Leigh's patience wears thin. “We're not doing this here,” she growls, glaring at the lone store clerk, who seems amused and makes no attempt to hide his interest in eavesdropping on the conversation.

“Leigh, I seriously don't know what you're talking about.”

“Just come with me,” she snaps, ushering you back outside, pulling at your arm with a grip that leaves no room for argument. It's painful, the way her nails dig into your skin, but you suppose you deserve it, whatever it might be. If it helps her release her anger, you're willing to bear it.

Leigh stops, plants her hands on her hips, and just looks at you, like she's waiting for something to click in your head. “Leigh, please—” you start, but you're cut off not by her anger this time, but by the sight of her eyes glistening, fighting back tears.

“You're really going to make me say it?” she manages to choke out, before giving a humorless laugh and running a frustrated hand over her face. Before you can protest again, she thrusts a phone into your hand. It's lit up, a text conversation open and waiting. As you scroll through the messages, your mouth opens in shock. They're from Matt.

Skimming through the texts, your jaw nearly hits the ground. He's recounting your first date, detailing how the night ended with him at your place. He admits nothing happened, but not for a lack of desire. Instead, he confesses he held back because he's still wrestling with the fact that he's married to Leigh. He mentions wanting to make sure when he jumps in with you, he's not dragging any “chains” along.

He goes on, saying he felt you were on the same page, ready to go further, and implies the only reason things didn't heat up was because he had self-control. Reading this, you can't decide if Matt's just showing off or if he's trying to justify his half-steps to whoever's reading this on the other end.

“Whose phone is this?” you blurt out, the only question that registers in your brain. It turns out to be the wrong thing to say, though, as it’s precisely the spark that ignites Leigh's fury, sending it cascading over the edge.

“Don’t fucking change the subject!”

You press your lips into a thin line, your own frustration simmering. “I didn't lie to you, Leigh.” You wave the phone with Matt’s messages like some kind of proof, arguing, “He even says here nothing happened!”

“It's not just about what did or didn't happen!” she fires back, her eyes blazing. “You wanted it to happen. You were ready to go there with him. You wanted more, and you're still not owning up to it.”

At this point, keeping your emotions under wraps isn't an option anymore.

“Yes! Of course, I wanted to go there with him,” you explode, your hands coming up in the air in surrender. “I found him attractive, thought he was a great guy, and—single, Leigh! I thought he was single when I was falling for him, okay? Are you happy now?”

Leigh's response is to laugh, but it's not a happy sound. It's bitter, mocking, and it just keeps going.

You're standing there, breathing hard, your breath visible in the chilly air, when it hits you why she’s so upset: When you were telling her the details of your affair, you made it sound as if what happened—or almost happened—was just a casual fling. And Leigh, she just soaked up that version. In doing so, she somehow managed to forgive Matt, forgive you for your role in it, and even toy with the idea of being friends with you.

You made her believe it didn’t mean anything more than what she meant to him. It ripped off the bandage and thrust a knife back into her wound.

After Leigh's laughter fizzles out, the cold seems to bite a little harder, and you notice her shivering—whether from the cold or the tumult of emotions, you can't tell. She's just in shorts and a thin shirt, unprepared for the temperature drop.

Seeing her like this, vulnerable and cold, you feel the urge to just hug her and make her feel a fraction of how badly you regret deceiving her all along. Because saying “I'm sorry” feels way too small for the giant mess of feelings you're dealing with, especially the ones about her that you didn't even realize were piling up until now.

“Leigh,” you whisper, bargaining for something you don’t know.

She meets your gaze, a bit more peace in her eyes now, but that doesn't stop the tears from finally rolling down her cheeks. She's about to speak when suddenly a car pulls up in front of you, its headlights flashing across your faces, momentarily blinding you both.

A man steps out of the car, and Leigh recognizes him immediately. You do too, although it takes you a second longer to realize. Before either of you could react, he's already launching into a tirade. “Leigh, what the hell? Leaving in the middle of the night, stealing my phone—”

“Not now, Danny.”

You freeze, every fiber of your being locking onto the newcomer—because you're almost certain Leigh misspoke.

His name is not Danny.

It’s Nick.

#unbetad #my writing #my fic #elizabeth olsen x reader #elizabeth olsen #leigh shaw x reader #leigh shaw x female reader #leigh shaw #sorry for your loss au #leigh shaw x you #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x you #sorry i had to tag wanda x reader for visibility

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cosmerelists · 17 days ago

Text

Observations of an Employee at a Trampoline Park (That is Frequented by Cosmere Characters)

Characters at a trampoline park requested by @queenfishiethemagnificent :)

[This post contains some WAT-jokes! Specifically in the entries for Szeth, Leshwi, & Kaladin/Syl, just in case you want to skip those!)]

At a trampoline park somewhere in our world there works an innocent employee who keeps a diary about what they experience at their job. Here are some of the observations on the Cosmere characters who inexplicably show up at this trampoline park.

1. Szeth [warning: Wat spoilers]

That bald guy (Seth? Zack?) was back again today. I have never seen anyone bounce so seriously. I don't know how to describe it, exactly. He never smiles or laughs; he bounces like it is his Job to Bounce and he Must Take It Seriously.

But also he's really good at it? I feel like he must have trained as a dancer or something because he's actually really graceful, always landing on his feet and then soaring right back into the air, like a beautiful bald kangaroo.

SO serious though!

2. Ann

Oh man it was the saddest thing today. There was this woman who came in really excited to try our Extreme Trampoline Dunk Zone--you know, where you bounce up and can dunk a basketball. She was like, "Oh yeah, I'm great at making baskets" and paid for the entrance and everything and then I watched her miss. Every. Single. Throw. S-She kept at it, though! But, like, I didn't think it was possible to miss that many in a row...

After like the saddest half hour of my life, her friend came by and brought her glasses. She did WAY better after that!

3. Elhokar

That guy who broke his leg came back!!! I honestly can't believe it, since when he left he was saying that it must have been the "assassins" trying to get him "again," and he seemed really upset and also it's kinda horrific when bones break here.

But he was back, and much calmer, and said he was sorry for making a fuss and also did I want to feel his leg because it's "really funky feeling now." I said no, and he nodded gravely, and went off to bounce I guess.

Weird guy. Seems to mean well. I hope the assassins don't get him, I guess.

4. Vin

I had to kick someone out today :( I call her Coin Girl. She kept, like, throwing coins down onto the trampoline! She said it made her fly higher which, like, isn't how science works?

To be fair, she did gather up all the coins she was throwing down. Kinda weirdly so...like she'd snatch them up almost as if they were being magically drawn directly to her...which is also not how science works!

And also to be fair, she was able to jump almost alarmingly high... And it was weird how the coins were almost driven down into the trampoline like they were being pushed by a great force...

But still! Throwing change around on the trampolines is NOT okay!

5. Wax

Okay, is coin-throwing like a meme or something now? A tiktok challenge? Because I had to kick someone ELSE out today! And this guy was old!! He had kids and a wife and everything!! And he was ALSO throwing coins around and then soaring up really high into the air while holding his kid who was shrieking in laughter and it WAS really cute but again! No! Throwing! Coins! In! The! Trampoline! Park!

Maybe I need to make a sign...

6. Adolin

When this very buff guy came in and wanted to try the Battle Beam (where you fight with padded sticks while standing on this beam over a pit of foam cubes), I wanted to be like, "You know that's for kids, right?" But instead I just pointed the way.

I peeked in later, and this guy was letting the little kids WAIL on him and kept dramatically "dying" and falling into the foam pit. The kids LOVED him. It was super sweet.

7. Sarene

Ha ha as if in DIRECT contrast to yesterday we had this woman come in today who also wanted to try the Battle Beam only this lady was MERCILESS. She was knocking kids into the pit left and right. To be fair, she was also giving them tips on their stance and stuff, so I bet she teaches fighting or something, but mostly it was hilarious to see her sending kids flying left and right.

The kids seemed to like that too, actually. Everybody likes to be thrown into a foam pit sometimes.

8. TenSoon

A dog tried to get into the trampoline park today. I was like, "Uh, are you with someone" and I would SWEAR he shook his head!!!

Anyway, we don't get dogs come into the trampoline park, and for some reason I told him that, and he walked away.

Weird.

9. Yumi

Okay most impressive dodge ball feet to date. So in our dodge ball area you basically bounce around and try to hit people with balls, blah blah blah. But also if you CATCH the ball when it's thrown at you, the thrower is out.

You should have seen this woman!! She was, like, catching ball after ball after ball. I swear she ended up with like a dozen of them, stacked high in her arms, WHILE BOUNCING!!

How did she do that?? She's got to be some sort of master stacker!

10. Leshwi [warning: Wat spoilers]

Most people wear tights or shorts or something you can move in if they come to a trampoline park. Not this lady! She came in wearing a dress whose train was like eight feet long, I swear. Maybe it was a wedding dress or something?

Then she went straight to our High Bounce area and started jumping. I'll admit that when she reached the highest point, and the train of her dress was like flowing down around her, it did look pretty cool.

She was also humming the whole time, and the melody felt really sad somehow. If that was a wedding dress, I don't think it worked out. :(

11. Lift

Had a teenager come in today wanting to try our Ninja Obstacle Course. I gave the safety spiel and she was like, "Don't worry. I'm stormin' graceful" (is that what kids these days say instead of "fucking"?).

And to be fair, she DID complete the course. She also scooted on her butt over any balance obstacle. But you know what? Whatever works! Good job, kid!

12. Kaladin & Syl [warning: Wat spoilers]

Okay, so the most gorgeous couple came in today--like, I don't know if they WERE a couple; I just mean they were both gorgeous and came in together, you know? The man was very tall and muscular and had luxurious hair, and the woman was wearing blue body paint (look, it worked) and a blue dress and wow. They bounced on that trampoline like it was a dance, and they seemed to be having a fantastic time. You know how some people seem to BELONG in the air? These two did.

I could have watched them bouncing together all day.

#cosmere #cosmerelists #wat spoilers #Szeth #Leshwi #Kaladin #Adolin #Syl #Lift #Sarene #Wax #Win #TenSoon #Elhokar #Yumi #Ann

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calware · 11 months ago

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dear calware, I'm not sure how much you know on the topic of Doc Scratch, but I was wondering, why is the common consensus around him that he's like a creepy pedophile? after rereading his messages with Rose, he seems more tone deaf and weird than a fully on creep. is there something I'm missing?

scratch isn't "literally" a pedophile (or a hebephile, which is the accurate term for this situation) which we know because of this

but at the same time, that is still the Way he's written

(i'm sorry if this following explanation is confusing.... i really do not have the right wording to describe it) it's almost like a metaphorical representation. he's a child predator in every way but the actual sexual attraction. the way he's written references the behavior of actual child predators and is meant to signal to the audience that this is the Kind Of Character he is. it's a literary tool(?)to tell the audience that he is literally taking advantage of characters in various ways (as well as straight up abusing damara) while at the time comparing it to child sexual abuse

but if you do want literal actions on his part, he does Literally groom young girls and they are his targets for manipulation

also, directly from the author commentary (which. is not 100% serious at times. but i do think it sometimes offers some actual insight):

I know I just said a bunch of stuff about [DD] maybe being a creep. But look, this is just my OPINION here. I don't think he's actually being creepy about this. I think he has a genuinely parental attitude toward Aradia and wants to see her succeed in her violent and underhanded schemes. See how he wants them to conduct their business with efficiency? He's way too professional to go Full Doc on these girls.

Another peek at Rose suggests she's still at it with her creepy uncle, Doc Scratch.

Then you have a few beats of conversation which bring Equius to mind, such as the creep-factor

[Dirk and Equius] have this creepy-guy streak running through them, with strange or offputting interests, and seem to get a quiet kick out of making others uncomfortable through demonstrations of these fascinations. [...] I'd say these self-examined qualities are just drawn out, isolated, and inflated both for dramatic effect, and also as critical write-up of those qualities existing within many human beings in general, which I would like to think is grounded in a creative process involving a certain degree of humility about some of this bullshit. I like all these characters here, but that doesn't mean I think their unpleasant qualities are good. It just means I am harnessing and heightening those qualities for creating strong villainous portraits.

We start getting the sense that the entire purpose of this conversation, from Doc's vantage point, is just to passive-aggressively manipulate Rose into peering directly into one of his cursed testicles. Wait, my youth pastor is literally barking like a dog right now for some reason. Probably because I put him on a leash and tied him to a post in the backyard. I guess I fucked up again? I mean one of Doc's seeds.

Maybe it's fair to say I have a higher than average tolerance troubling content. But even I have to admit to shuddering a little when I read Doc's creepy lines toward Rose. I think Doc's creep factor toward girls is most likely channeling part of Caliborn's personality, which almost seems to revolve around his horrid attitude toward women. For Caliborn, this weird combination of wrathful misogyny, yet fixation and obsession with certain girls, is obviously central to the type of real-world profile he's meant to portray. But when his personality is more muted among the collective in Doc's head, those qualities come across as more "restrained," "polite," and "flattering," which arguably just makes it all creepier. The result is a creepy dude profile that also exists in the real world, sort of adjacent to the Full Caliborns out there. There seem to be many stripes of this kind of unfortunate male behavior, which all exists in a broader family of sub-Caliborns. The Docs, the Eridans, the Cronuses… They're all sketchy in different ways.

Doc sitting back just to "watch" is another creepy Equiusism. Remember that was a thing with him.

I wonder what Jade would think if she knew she had in her possession since childhood one of Doc's testicORACLES!!! Oracles. The word I meant to say was oracles, not anything else. Anyway, like I was saying, how would Jade react if she realized every time she played with one of her beloved toys, she was actually fondling this weirdo's plump, juicy oracle. I know you think my youth pastor may have something to do with this peculiar outburst, but you're wrong. I "dismissed" him recently, because he told me with great pride that I learned everything he had to teach me. I don't need anyone to keep me from shoving my foot in my mouth anymore, I'm sure you'll be pleased to know. Now let's watch this grieving teen receive a demonic message from an evil puppet's big fat nut.

bonus commentary from book 6 that has nothing to do with the post:

We're reaching a specific kind of story partition. Not the end of an act, but the end of a year. Also an end of "disc," which is a kind of meta-partitioning I just made up for the purpose of closing the book on two years of content, as well as being a good meta-device for introducing the Doc sequence we're about to get into in the next book.

"next book"...... sad

#ask #jestinggenesis #feel the need to mention that. so much of this makes me cringe while reading it

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hahaifolded · 6 months ago

Text

Can We Make This Work? Masterlist

Nanami Kento x POC!FemReader x Gojo Satoru

Summary: After being forced into an arranged marriage by the higher ups, Gojo tricks Nanami into taking his place. Will your husband be happy with the arrangement or will you have to explore other options?

Tags: Nanami Kento x FemReader, Gojo Satoru x FemReader, Reader is a Woman of Color, Reader will have cursed energy/technique, Forced Marriage, Coercion, Angst, Slow-Burn Romance, Racist themes, Suggestive Themes (as for now), In-World Typical Violence, + (more will be added as I write)

Status : On-going Update Goal: Once a week, but could be more

Chapter 1: Surprise, you're getting married!

Chapter 2: Wedding Night

Chapter 3: Grade Me

Chapter 4: Trouble in Paradise

Chapter 5: The Arrangement

Chapter 6: Teacher and Student

Chapter 7: Class is In Session

Chapter 8: Hot Chocolate

Chapter 9: The Meeting

Chapter 10: Work Trip

Chapter 11: Work in Progress

Chapter ??: Work in Progress

Author's Note: Once again, I had a thought and it manifested into a full story. Heads up, chapter titles can change or be moved about so don't get attached! Also I have another idea for the summary but I’m not putting it until “something” happens in the story so if it changes, just accept it.

I just want to provide more context for the racist themes in this story. The racism in the story is slight but that does not mean it's any less important. It's based on my experience with micro-aggressions and such so know it comes from a real place. I don't think I will make it super overt because usually racism isn't always in your face, but looming behind you, weighing you down, until one day it completely suffocates you. If I change my mind however, I will make it apparent in the chapter warnings!

Also I am to date on the anime and manga. I'm going to try to avoid spoilers but technically speaking everything revealed in season 2 is fair game.

I'm super open to suggestions and what-ifs throughout the story. I know I have this set up for chapters but those are just suggestions - nothing is set in stone.

Always open for suggestions and tips! Still a pretty novice writer!

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chaoticsomeone · 2 years ago

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Heartrender!Reader x The Spiderverse Characters

Headcanon

(Im new a writing so i'm giving this a shot)

| Heartrenders have the ability to manipulate the body. They can snatch the air from your lungs, slow your pulse until you fall into a coma, or even literally crush your heart—all from a distance |

Seeing/when told that you put a villain into a coma

Miles, Miles 42, Gwen, Hobie, Pavitr, Miguel, Jessica, Lyla?

Miles Morales

Doesn't know whether or not he should be afraid or amazed. (Hes more amazed than afraid)

Immediately asks alot of questions

"So can you actually just murder someone in a second?"

"Can you hear/feel people's heartbeats?"

You told him yes to both of that questions and he just goes "That's amazing. How did you get your powers. I mean we spiderpeople get bit by spiders but what about you?"

"I'm born with it" you said smiling

More wows

He continues asking about it again but now 'scientifically'

(Miles x Gwen) Asks you if you can find out whether or not gwen likes him

(Romantic you x him) Asking you out buy bringing you to a science museum

(Platonic) He got tickets to a science museum for you and the crew

You showed him and the others that you can manipulate a heart on display to move

(Romantic) melts and heart speeding everytime you impress him even though he knows you can sense it

Miles Morales (Earth-42)

(Romantically) Fell in love with you the moment you walked into his dimension with the spidercrew even though he doesnt know anything about you

Think its cool that you're a heartrender

Asks you to slow down the other miles's pulse

He tells you he ships the other Miles and Gwen

Asks you to make them both blush and get a higher heart rate near each other

You both laugh together

Thinks you're the coolest person he has met when Hobie tells him how you put someone into a coma so easily

Asks you 2-3 questions but thats it

Will actually ask you politely to come with him on one patrol to help him put his enemies into a coma for a few months so he could take a leave and break

Gwen Stacy

First time you told her she asks you to knockout a villain just for jokes

When you actually did she was shocked and a little bit afraid

When you told her you 'accidentally' put them into a coma she was like "Wow"

(If platonic)Secretly annoyed that Jess didn't adopt her too because she wants to be your sister

(Romantic) Has a crush on you but is wary so that you dont detect her heart rate

Shes just listening closely to miles basically interviewing you

At one point asking you to help her at a science fair when shes teaming up with Miles to perform a trick on people

The trick being making them pass out for a second then bringing them back

Hobie Brown (Im sorry idk much abt him)

Says smth along the lines of "cool, try doing it to Pav and bring him back out of it"

After this he asks you to come to his universe to give the people he dislikes a heart attack.

A painful one

Proud of the science fair you and Miles did

Pavitr Prabhakar

Same reaction as Miles

Continues asking stuff with miles

Like "So you can actually know if someone has a crush on you?"

Becomes happy when you say yes

Asks you to come with him to meet Gayatri

At the end of the three of you meeting he asks you if you felt Gayatri or his heart beating up

Blushes and becomes giddy when you tell him both of them has a high heart rate near eachother

(Platonic)Eventually becomes best friends in crime and inseperable

(Romantic) both him and Gayatri became close with you and asks you to date them(?)

Miguel O'hara

Wary of you

Asks Lyla to watch over you during missions

Keeps a close eye of you to make sure you don't distrupt Cannon because you aren't a spiderman

When Jess recruited you he wasn't happy

Gave you a long speech when he learned that you put someone into a coma

Told you about dont do that or that or this when it is this that just to make sure you dont disturb cannon

Warms up to you eventually

Keeps you close to help him calm down sometimes

Jessica Drew

Recruited you even though you aren't a spider

Trained you to do combat outside of your powers

Genuinely adopts you

Looks out for you

Defends you against Miguel any day

You helped her name her daughter

You always is there to help her with her pregnancy by checking on the baby's heartbeat and all

If she has a health issue you are always the first she calls (everyone too tbh)

"That's my girl" when you put that one villain you and the others were fighting into a coma.

Lyla

Watches over you every second of everytime because of two things

Miguel or

Just pure curiosity of your powe4s

Reports back to miguel in an instant when you put the villain into a coma

Writes/keeps track of everything she knows about heartrenders

Interviews you with Miguel and Jessica every now and then to aks if you found or learnt anything new about heartrending

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project-sekai-facts · 10 months ago

Note

After seeing the fun fact about Becoming Potatoes, I now wonder how far back does the process of one event is from conceptualizing it to fully releasing it. Is it months? Years? I know development and planning can be long but how far back are things planned for Proseka's events in spesifics.

i have an extra fun fact about that song that i don't think i've mentioned before: it's the only song to never have a teaser before it's released in-game, probably because there was no point in it since the vocaloid version had been released months prior. annoyingly, neru never did a corocoro producer interview, so it's basically impossible for us to know what exactly went down in the development of that song.

here's some stuff i can tell you about event planning and such (most is song related lol bc there's far less interviews with the writers):

in an old Q&A around the 1st anniversary, the writers said it takes around 6-12 months to complete an event after conception

in the same question, they said they immediately have to prepare a summary after commissioning so they can pass it on, suggesting the commissioning stage comes first

i know i usually don't mention leaks but these aren't leaks anymore. back in early 2023 around the time of Little Bravers, the song titles and producers for commissions up until Samsa leaked. The producers for Hug and Regulus also leaked 1-2 months in advance. p sure there used to be a staff leaker LOL but at least they confirmed the comms are finished a fair amount in advance

for early events though, some accounts make it sound like vocaPs were being commissioned like years in advance. PinocchioP, Oster Project, NayutalieN did not receive a story summary.

NayutalieN also said that he was contacted very early on in development, only being shown character designs for MMJ. He literally says that "nothing had been decided and he was fed more details as they were finalised". and later in his interview mentions that the "omoi no kakera" lyric was not an intentional reference [to what is known as wish pieces on EN], since those didn't even exist yet.

Syudou says that Jackpot Sad Girl was made in 2020, not very long before the launch of the game, so there's a little less time there.

Surii said he was commissioned ~6 months before launch, so around a year before Pale Color ran. It's also worth noting that he was given story details at this point in time, meaning Pino/Oster/NayutalieN were commissioned before this point.

The designs were completed in early 2019 according to CGWorld's prsk feature, so we can assume that the vocaPs who weren't given story details were commissioned around this time

The story has a planned ending and has had this since early development. The overall story has always been decided but only as an outline, more specific details and the actual events are written as the game goes one.

However certain details, such as Mafuyu running away, were planned in advance.

Apparently it takes about a week to get to the final draft of an event story, after going through checks with other staff and re-drafting (same source as the "specific details" link)

Additionally: card art. According to that 1st anniversary q&a i mentioned earlier, the art team takes two months or more per card. might be longer now because of the higher art quality. The art team sometimes bases set themes off the commission (such as Hitsuji ga Ippiki & kiuan set), or off the event story, which again gives us an indicator of how far in advance this stuff is finished.

#asks

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abiiors · 2 years ago

Note

Would love to see Matty and reader going to an award show together <3

I don't even know if this is what you wanted but here we go

warnings - PURE SMUT, MINORS DNI! Semi-public sex my god this is so horny, semi-public masturbation too, I’m sorry. Slight degradation, female reader.

Slit

The star of the show tonight is your dress. You’re sure of it.

He hasn’t been able to take his eyes off you all night. Even with all the questions being thrown their way on the red carpet, his focus has never wandered away from you. Occasionally, George has to step in with some witty comment when Matty loses his train of thought halfway through a question. And all for fair reasons too.

The high—very high—slit of your dress ends just at the apex of your thigh. The scarlet compliments and contrasts your skin perfectly, right down to the matching dark lipstick and nails. The fabric hugs every curve seamlessly, moves like water every time you move. And so he can’t control the fantasies that fill his head.

‘You look stunning tonight, love,’ Adam’s voice brings him out of his thoughts. It’s an innocent compliment directed at you but he can’t stop the way his jaw ticks. For fuck’s sake, it’s his married best friend and yet he feels irrational jealousy when you give Adam a dazzling smile. But then your eyes come to rest on him and an insane amount of satisfaction washes over him at the way your pupils dilate.

‘Matty,’ you breathe out his name, ‘I was waiting for you!’

‘Here I am,’ he tries to sound normal. But he can’t stop himself from stepping closer and leaning down close to your ear, ‘I’m going to tear that dress off you when we get home.’

To any passers-by, it would look like a normal conversation; just him making sure you can hear him over the loud crowd. But he doesn’t miss the way your breath hitches, the way your eyes almost flutter shut.

‘Shall we?’ he asks like a gentleman and extends his arm.

The lavishly decorated venue is set up with small round tables. An assistant guides you all to where your names are written on place cards and there are instantly several people to pull your chairs out for you and offer you champagne. But Matty insists that he pull out your chair for you and get you a glass. He wants to be a proper gentleman before he has you in his bed, acting like his favourite little slut.

He feels your arm snake up his bicep and you tilt your chin up to look at him. ‘You know how this dress hugs my body so well?’ you ask softly.

He swallows roughly and nods once. Truth is, that’s all he has been thinking about this whole time but he wants to know where this conversation is going.

‘Well, that means… I can’t exactly wear anything underneath.’ And just like that, you press a sweet, chaste kiss to his cheek and settle into your chair.

Matty is sure he’s about to combust any minute now. The high slit, his unrestrained access to you, rests in his eyesight. But he’s going to take his time with you tonight.

You, on the other hand, are enjoying all of this quite a lot. Even when you’re engrossed in deep conversation with George and Ross, you’ve got one ear trained on Matty and all his little reactions. Every time you cross and uncross your legs—something that is for his benefit as much as it is for yours—he seems to fumble his words. And that’s when you feel it.

Calloused fingers rest on your knee, drawing tight, small circles before they snake up your thigh in almost a loving caress. He’s doing a very good job of laughing and joking with the rest of the table, but the fingers; the fingers run up and down. Just enough that they come to rest on the inside of your thigh before he drags them back down to your knees.

‘Matthew,’ you chide lightly and he has the audacity to raise an eyebrow in confusion. ‘What’s happening?’

‘What do you mean?’ he asks as he cocks his head to one side.

‘The cameras are on us, love,’ you speak through gritted teeth and resist a shiver as his hands come to rest on your thigh once again.

He moves higher still, right until you feel his cold ring against your clit and a jolt goes through you. You barely resist the urge to moan, disguising it with a small cough instead. Involuntarily, you clench your thighs together, effectively trapping his hand between them and a smug smile crosses over his features. He’s gotten exactly where he’s been wanting to.

He leans back, hand still where it was and winks at you, ‘the cameras are on the stage, love,’ he tuts, ‘and look, it’s your favourite artist performing too, isn’t it?’

He’s right, it is but you can’t give a single fuck about that right now. All that matters is his cold ring, resting against your heated cunt and the fact that it is simply not enough.

‘You’re so–so impatient,’ you gasp when his fingers move, ‘couldn’t keep your hands off me till we got home?’

‘Mmm, and why would I do that?’ he murmurs, ‘you look so pretty like this. Trying to get off to my hand under the table with other people around.’ His voice has turned mocking and taunting, the edge in it is clear and you even see his other hand creeping towards his own crotch.

How the others haven’t noticed your little gasps and whispers is beyond you but they are all engrossed in their drinks and the performance on stage, in giggling and joking around while you feel like you’re about to scream in frustration.

‘Matty…’ your voice is low, almost a whine, ‘please…’

‘Please what?’ he turns his hand and runs a finger through your slick, wet folds. Then he hums appreciatively, ‘well, this is a…situation.’

‘Please,’ you repeat, ‘I need you.’

The cocky bastard that he is, he only drags his fingers till they rest on your clit and begins to draw mind-numbingly slow circles. ‘Be quiet, now,’ he chastises, ‘we don’t want people finding out, do we?’

It’s as if you’ve woken up from a daze because, of course, there are people all around you. High-profile celebrities and their assistant, servers at the event and cameras. Oh god, the cameras. If even one of them happened upon you in this position…

You stand up abruptly, practically throwing Matty’s hand back into his lap. Your knee bangs against the table, a few glasses wobble precariously and five other pairs of eyes snap toward you. The flush that’s crept up your neck intensifies.

‘I’m going to use the loo,’ you announce in a squeaky voice and practically make a run out of there.

The hallway you’ve found is nice and quiet. But most importantly, it’s a forgotten little thing behind the venue that no one seems to know about. You lean against the wall, heart still racing, cunt still very much throbbing and your hand finds a way between your legs. You rub slow circles just like he had been minutes ago but your fingers simply don’t work the way his do.

Even the depravity of the situation is still not enough to get you off and you let out a muffled yell of frustration.

‘Doesn’t feel the same, does it?’ his voice echoes in the hallway, startling you out of your mind. Your heart races faster, this time for a different reason. But watching him stroll in, hands in his pockets and collar unbuttoned makes your knees feel like jelly.

‘It doesn’t,’ you pant slightly, ‘come here. Please.’

His grin turns devilish at the invitation. He’s so close, his body trapping yours against the wall, his hand half around your jaw, half around your neck.

‘Aww,’ he whispers while looking you up and down, ‘look what a mess you are for me.’

‘Can you just—’ the words abruptly turn into a deep moan when he plunges a finger in. There’s no warning, no coddling. And once again, his cold ring sits against your clit making you shiver.

‘Look at you acting like a slut,’ he groans as he moves his fingers in and out, ‘out in the open where anyone can walk in.’

His thumb rubs your clit, the callouses producing the perfect amount of friction, as his fingers increase their pace. Within minutes he has you whimpering and moaning his name, desperate for release. Your legs are trembling from the effort of holding you up and he has to firmly grab your waist so you wouldn’t slide on the wall.

‘Such a pretty girl,’ he murmurs, ‘you’d cum for me, wouldn’t you?’

He’s ready to cum in his pants just by looking at your face, at your fucked out, half-lidded eyes and blown-out pupils. His fingers curl inside you, earning him a loud moan and then feels your walls clench around his fingers as you let go for him. Hard.

It takes another couple of minutes till you’ve come down from your high, till his fingers finally stop moving and he pulls them out. They glisten in the artificial lights of the hallway, covered in your fluids and your knees go weak again when he brings them to his mouth and licks them clean. One at a time, slowly and deliberately, while maintaining eye contact

‘That was your first,’ he murmurs once he’s done. His mouth is close to your cleavage, his nose ghosting over your collarbone. ‘But I’m far from being done with you.’

#✉️#♤: matty blurbs #matty healy x reader #matty x reader

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mypoisonedvine · 1 year ago

Note

Kitten with a reader who loves body worshiping her but genuinley feels wierd being Touched intimately (but is severely touch starved), so kitten restraines reader to finally be able to touch and kiss them

OH LORD THIS IS VERY REAL FOR ME WOW

warnings: kinda dubious consent?, oral f receiving, bondage, established relationship, extreme fluff

"I'm almost scared to ask what you're up to," you mumbled as Kitten showed you the silky ropes, her grin growing even wider.

"Haven't you ever tried it?" she asked.

"E-erm, no, not really," you shrugged. "But we can, if you want."

"I do," she assured. "Right now."

"Oh," you laughed, "eager, hm? Alright-- I can't deny, I think you'll look pretty all tied up in these."

"Oh, I would, sweetie-- but these are for you," she giggled, making your eyes go wide.

"Me?!" you choked. "What am I supposed to do, all tied up?!"

"You're supposed to lay back and let me use you," she winked, pushing you back onto the bed as you blinked up at her in shock.

Even though you still hadn't quite wrapped your head around the whole idea, you ended up with your wrists tied to the bed, Kitten hovering over you with a wide smile-- because she was just persuasive like that. Still, you felt oddly exposed, as if she hadn't seen you naked hundreds of times... but she didn't usually see you like this, basically spread eagle and trapped here for her to do whatever she pleased.

Too curious not to ask, you swallowed the lump in your throat and spit it out: "What is it you plan on doing to me, exactly?" you asked.

"Something you wouldn't let me do if you weren't tied up," she laughed, leaning down to kiss you-- and then the kiss started to move, lower and lower, as she slowly and gently spoiled you with sweet kisses down your stomach.

"Fuck," you breathed softly, trying to fight off the discomfort and insecurity that clawed at the back of your mind as she gave you all this attention. "Don't feel like being more specific?" you pressed.

"I just wanna... worship you," she whispered, making your heart skip.

"You know I'm always down for a little sacrilege," you sighed, "but me? Am I really worth--?"

"Shh," she stopped you with a finger over your lips. "Enough of that. You're worth the world. You're my world. And you won't even let me say it, let alone show it, without getting all snippy with me!"

She spread your legs open and hummed as she looked between them, making you shudder with nervousness.

"I mean, you shower me in affection every night-- at least-- and you won't even let me tell you how beautiful--" she kissed your thigh-- "and sexy--" she kissed a little higher-- "and lovely you are? It's just not fair, love."

"W-well, it isn't," you admitted, "but I just prefer--"

"Maybe tonight isn't about what you prefer," she pouted. "Maybe I'm in charge and you're tied up with no way to stop me. Now zip it and let me lick you all over, you little devil."

You couldn't fight the shudder that ran over you, nodding hazily. "O-okay, Kit-- if you say so..."

But still, you weren't quite expecting her to start where she did, running her tongue over your raised nipple slowly-- you couldn't help but whine through your teeth, shutting your eyes for a second.

"K-Kitten," you panted, whimpering when she suckled on the bud for a moment. "Oh, Christ--"

"Now now, it's only Saint Kitten," she corrected with a wink, "and it's you we're supposed to be worshipping."

She started to kiss you all over once again, humming praises along her way: so pretty or look how sweet you are or even sometimes I can't believe I get you all to myself, darling. It was more affection than you were ever prepared to handle, and you sometimes had to shut your eyes tight just to try to tolerate it.

"I love this part of you, right here," she cooed as she softly tickled the curve of your waist. "It's hard to pick a favourite, though... maybe your shoulders? So fun to hold onto while you're fucking me with that pretty strap of yours-- or maybe your lips, you know I could kiss you for hours, and that's not to even mention all those lovely, filthy things you say with those pretty lips..."

"Kitten," you pleaded nervously, your face so hot you worried she could feel it somehow, "I-I don't know what to do with all this attention."

"Say 'thank you'," she instructed simply. "That's the polite thing to do when you get a compliment. Let's practice: I'll say, 'I could taste your sweet little cunt all day,' and you'll say..."

"Th-thank you," you choked out, hearing her purr as she leaned down and licked a little stripe up the seam of your pussy for emphasis. "Fuck!"

"I can't believe you hardly ever let me eat you out," she groaned, "you're so delicious, darling. And look how wet you get! Oh, to think you let all that lovely juice go to waste-- mm. Shameful, s'what it is, just shameful."

"Kitten, please," you choked, moaning louder as she latched onto you again. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked up at you in the sweetest way, almost a pleading look like she needed to know that she was doing well for you. "F-feels good," you admitted softly, and you could feel her smile as she slid her tongue inside you-- that was when your head fell back, you couldn't resist it anymore. "God, yes-- fuck!"

Her hands pet your thighs softly, pulling your hips a little closer so she could bury her face harder into you. Your whole body quivered, the sensations nearly overwhelming after all that teasing she'd done...

"I'm gonna come," you blurted out, and she moaned against you-- into you, really. "Fuck, Kitten... you'll make me come."

Maybe you'd expected, or even hoped, that saying that would make her stop for a moment to taunt you for your weak stamina, but instead she just doubled down on her efforts, holding your hips still with a tight grip when you tried to buck them away.

'Fuck, fuck!" you yelped, feeling it start to take over you-- tears were stinging your eyes, and not just from the way her nose bumped perfectly against your clit when her tongue was thrusting inside you; you'd been struggling to hold them back all this time, overwhelmed by her kindness.

It hit you rather suddenly, and Kitten only stopped what she was doing when you kicked your legs hard enough to nearly hit her-- though thank god you didn't, you wouldn't forgive yourself if you hurt her somehow. "Oh, beautiful," she praised the second she broke away, giving a little peck of a kiss to your aching clit before kissing all over your thighs, stomach, breasts-- and your face again, guiding you into a sloppy and needy open-mouthed kiss that tasted strongly of your own arousal. "So beautiful when you come," she went on in a whisper, her hands delicately holding your face.

She untied your wrists quickly, letting you wrap her up in your arms as you kissed her harder, pulling her into you. "I love you so much," you breathed against her lips. "God, Kitten, I'm nothing without you--"

"Oh, don't get on that again," she rolled her eyes, "we'll be here all night. Just let me tell you how much I love you and let's leave it at that, alright?"

"But--"

"Shh, darling, you've said enough," she insisted, "or should I get you a gag to match those ropes."

You swallowed thickly, and she laughed with sick delight.

"You're too fun to tease, darling," she explained with a wink.

#kitten braden x reader #kitten braden smut #OOF MY HEART

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 1 year ago

Text

I'm probably going to do a terrible job of articulating myself here but every time I think about the worldbuilding in Hatoful Boyfriend, I think about the implications of having the birds simply have adopted the structure and policies of human society and go insane.

It's clearly originally just for the ridiculousness of it all for the players, but AGH it explains so much regarding the extremely rampant classism/racism/speciesism and how apparently normalized it is. It also, to me, adds a bit of moral nuance to the Dove - Hawk Party conflict.

(Long post under the cut. I'm so sorry I just kept going.)

First off, I'm obsessed with the concept of the birds becoming sapient and simply... taking over a society that was not structured for them. It leads to difficulties in universe! Bird wings are not made for doing tasks that human hands can do naturally - there's a couple instances where the characters ask for Hiyoko's assistance or express envy since she can just do the task more easily than they can. The birds are outright disadvantaged in certain areas of life, and yet, the society is in such turmoil due to the newness of it all that there still aren't really any workarounds for stuff like this.

Not that there haven't been any suggested solutions, such as the Labor 9 series, put forward initially by the Dove Party. Yeah, you know, that one throwaway line about how the party that up until this point have been the "good guys" wanted to take still semi-conscious human brains and make robotic slaves out of them Cyberman-style? What the hell. And what gets me is that Shuu was able to find the initial proposal, which he really only made tweaks to, which means that the project was at least close to being finished on the conceptual/planning/design phase before somebody went "hey this is a little fucked up actually".

The Dove Party wants peaceful coexistence with the humans, while the Hawk Party wants to eliminate humanity entirely. But we don't really go into how these two lines of thought evolved. I believe I have a suggestion for at least one part of the puzzle though.

Of all the birds in Hatoful, who enjoys the most privileges and the highest status? Fantails, it would seem. A breed of pigeon that is popular as a pet, considered beautiful and sought after, and achieve high accolades in shows and competitions - for clarity's sake, fantails were valuable in human society, and this status appears to have transferred when birds became sapient and took over. Conversely, which birds are ranked lower and often blocked from entering certain higher class places? Rock doves, who, in human society, are given an unfairly bad reputation, and considered anything from unclean and dirty, to nuisances, to pests. Again, this status transferred over when the birds took over.

So, while we don't know too many of the birds who make up the agents of the Dove and Hawk Party, let's take a look at who we do know of.

Fantails (Yuuya, Dove Party) are considered valuable over other doves and pigeons for being specially bred for their striking tail feathers

Cockatiels (Leone, Dove Party) are some of the most popular and beloved companion birds, kept as pets and considered very friendly

Rock doves (Ryuuji, Hawk Party) are considered unclean pests who receive a bad reputation, and are generally not treated with respect or appreciation <;- notable thing to mention here is that Ryuuji actually does like humans - I think he was only Hawk affiliated for the grant money and research facilities, which... fair enough man.

Chukar partridges (Shuu/Isa, Hawk Party) are game birds, specifically bred and released to be killed and eaten, and considered a delicacy

...do you... see what's going on here?

(I haven't mentioned Tohri as he's a special case. Give me a minute and I'll get to him!)

The birds we see in the Dove Party are those birds that were already viewed in a more favourable light by humans, a favourability that transferred over to their new society. Of course they are more likely to advocate for coexistence! They have less to lose, overall. And the Labor 9 series, and how that could've ever been suggested in the first place, suddenly makes a lot of sense. For many of these birds, society the way it exists now benefits them. Some of these high ranking Dove Party folks may be less about actual peace and justice (like Yuuya or Leone) and more about maintaining the current order of things - humans coexisting under their control, while they get to maintain their status... which is itself a product of human invention.

The birds we see in the Hawk Party, by contrast, are looked down on or hunted. Historically, even before bird sapience, they did not have a harmonious relation with humans - and it's likely this status carried over to their new society also, with many of these birds being more likely to have been disenfranchised. Their goal of elimination is therefore reactionary towards perceived threat. After all, the people who suffer when things go wrong aren't the ones at the top - it's all the people who sit at the bottom of the social rung; the vulnerable members of society who do not enjoy the same advantages as others.

Of course, the Hawk Party has built itself up into such a powerful group that they may have lost touch with this starting foundation - the only thing that remains is likely that reactionary fear. After all, people caught up in the actual conflict - Nageki, Hitori, Ryouta, and Hiyoko - see this kind of horrible bloodshed firsthand (firstwing?) and just want it to stop.

Again, it's not usually the people in these political factions who are the ones caught up in their conflict. It's the individuals who lack power or influence.

But that's just the political groups themselves. On an individual level, it's kind of interesting to look at and theorize where along the spectrum our core cast falls based on their species/breed.

Ryouta (rock dove) is actually rather indifferent towards humanity as a whole - he just likes Hiyoko. However, his witnessing of the Heartful House tragedy led him to abhor violence and unnecessary loss of life, and I'd imagine his mother's later illness solidified this. Ryouta doesn't seem overly interested in political struggles or the broader implications of a lot of things - he's actually a rather self-oriented character when it comes down to it (this is not a judgment, nor a bad thing! I love my boy!). Ryouta just doesn't want to lose people, really. A conflict would mean more loss, and rock doves seem to have to struggle enough as is.

Hiyoko (human) is the daughter of two diplomats, but interestingly, we don't get to see much of her political views on things - perhaps because even if she expressed them, it wouldn't really matter - she's not herself a diplomat, and humans are the lowest of the low - her going to a fancy school doesn't really change that. Social-wise, except with her friends, she is tolerated, not accepted. Yet, it's safe to say that Hiyoko strongly disapproves of people who flaunt their status - she's quick to not take crap from Sakuya, to get angry on behalf of Ryouta and herself over the gull clerk's assholery, and also to defend Miru and Kaku as living beings worthy of respect. Interestingly though, she also uses Okosan's status as a fantail to get Ryouta to let go of him and let him do whatever he wants so... it's kind of unclear what her firm beliefs are. Perhaps, as a human, she still values fantails more highly. I don't know honestly. Implicit bias?

Sakuya, Yuuya and Okosan (fantail pigeons) may share the same breed, but their experiences are highly different. Sakuya is largely separate from the human-bird conflict, as he is unlikely to be directly affected by it. As such, a lot of his story and development has to do with actually learning and un-learning about the world outside of the limitations of his "father's" classist views, which he simply mimics without understanding the larger implications. Yuuya and Okosan, on the other hand, may be fantails, but are also looked down on and often treated as inferior - Yuuya for being a "half-breed" and for his reputation, and Okosan for being closer to feral than a lot of other doves. Interestingly, these two show more interest and respect for the individual than Sakuya does, who often makes sweeping generalizations based on status - which makes sense to a degree, as they've been on the receiving end of this kind of treatment, whereas Sakuya hasn't. Okosan believes that each person has their own "wonderful names" (read: identity outside of breed or status), while Yuuya is a genuine fighter for justice who is able to get to the heart of people, especially in Holiday Star. However, even though they have experienced classism, they still have certain privileges with regards to species/race - take Okosan's shock when Hiyoko and Ryouta are barred entry from his favourite store. None of them are quite as out of place in everyday society as some of the other birds here, and it's notable that "diverse" St. Pigeonations still apparently has a significant fantail student population.

Shuu (chukar partridge) is really interesting, as he doesn't particularly care for the politics of the Hawk Party, and yet his role as a killer/hunter of both his fellow birds and humans is an interesting reversal of the chukar being a game bird. Shuu also has a disability (his semi-paralyzed right side) which hinders him in bird society even more than most. His extreme, yet coldly logical solution to kill all humans to stop the fighting between them, could be as much his rationality, as his joy in the sadistic, as a reactionary survivalism (remember he was caught up in a human terrorist attack as a child - while overall he considered this beneficial to him, he also did lose much of his colour vision and the use of his right side, so it did leave him weakened). Shuu attains control by "flipping the script" as it were.

Tohri (golden pheasant) starts out in the Hawk Party, but much like his colleagues, doesn't seem to care much for their politics. Golden pheasants are game birds whose eggs can be eaten, but are more often bred and kept for their plumage - they're not prey, but they're not exactly pets either. All this puts Tohri in this interesting position of being somewhat in the middle of this conflict, and indeed he goes on to be a part of (found?) the Crow Party - an opportunistic group that seeks to benefit from the overall conflict. Golden pheasants are birds intended to be admired for their beauty and intelligence more than anything else, benefitting in some ways from humans without a strong connection or a reliance, and Tohri's opportunism fits nicely with that. (As an aside, our sole crow character, Albert, is also something of an opportunist, being an assassin on the fringes of society.)

Hitori and Kazuaki (button quails) are somewhat interesting. It would be both expected and understandable if Hitori held hatred for humanity after the Heartful House incident, or even before then, considering they were all war orphans. Instead, he doesn't seem to harbour any particular ill-will - he seems totally fine around Hiyoko, and her being a human has nothing to do with his reticence with letting Nageki hang out with her in the shrine universe. Kazuaki, too, doesn't seem to mind Hiyoko being human and isn't afraid of her any more than he is anyone else. While quails are game birds, with both meat and eggs being eaten, button quails are too tiny for that and are mostly kept as pets - they are considered cute, silly, and entertaining, though a bit too jumpy to be outright companion birds. The quails don't seem to experience too much in the way of speciesism (except arguably with the whole mistaken identity of Kazuaki's corpse... there may be a bit of an "all quails look the same" thing going on perhaps). At the very least, they are able to occupy teaching positions at a renowned school as respected intellectuals, and did go to university. Still, it's kind of a known thing that you don't put button quails with bigger, more dominant birds, since larger birds will often pick on them or even outright try to kill them simply because they're small and shy - this may, in hindsight, explain some of Kazuaki's demeanour.

Nageki (mourning dove) and Anghel (luzon bleeding heart dove) are the two who are uncommon bird species in Japan. Nageki is another war orphan, who would be forgiven for harbouring resentment for humanity, but instead is appalled at the violence and made a huge sacrifice to get it to stop. It's kind of unclear how Nageki fits into this society, as mourning doves are not prey or pets - they're wild birds. They live on the outside of the human world, and while Nageki exists within current bird society, he likely doesn't have a designated status within it. Nageki is unfortunately also alienated from much of the action due to his illness and later his untimely death - this is why a lot of Nageki's thoughts are somewhat from an observer's perspective, with his most emotional moments being derived from his rare direct experiences - specifically the Heartful House tragedy and the human killings he was forced into, which solidified a really firm stance of not wanting anyone to suffer like that. Anghel is another outsider, this time genuinely a foreigner, as opposed to Nageki. Again, Luzons are wild birds, not prey or pets, and so it's a bit unclear what his status is. This might explain why Hiyoko repeats Sakuya's remarks towards him without apparently realizing they're actually insults - Anghel is removed enough from the conflict she is familiar with that it seems she doesn't quite... get it. Again, Anghel's role is as this strange kind of omniscient observer, whose perspective is closer to the player's than to the rest of the cast. He definitely frowns on the Hawk Party's overall goal - the Demon Spores are evil to him, and his main objective is to stop them from spreading, as they would cause damage to both birds and humans. I attribute his morals to his mother having raised him right lol. The lack of a clear status for both of them may be why they appear to take the stance of judgment based on individual actions, but are not heavily involved in the conflict itself - while humans tend to like mourning doves and luzons, there isn't much interaction that goes on between them. Nageki and Anghel are simply less embroiled in bird society's human-derived status conflict, which makes them both outsiders and observers.

As a bonus note, Azami, Rabu and Kenzaburou are all species of birds that can be kept as pets (java sparrow, budgie, parakeet), which may account for some of their friendliness towards Hiyoko, and Kenzaburou's willingness to hire her. Kenzaburou is even a bit old-fashioned it seems - he sleeps in a cage, which implies his ancestors were probably pet birds themselves. It's likely he, in particular, has more positive views on humans.

...Please tell me I'm not the only one who spent ages thinking about the implications and workings of a fictional post-apocalyptic bird society. Also I hope this made sense I kind of went off the rails here.

#storyrambles #anyways this was supposed to be a quick write up. yet here I am three hours later. does this even read properly anymore. help.#the one thing i'm a little unclear on here is how the ichijou family fits into all this. ichijou mino the headmaster was a nicobar pigeon #i find it likely mino was hawk affiliated if we're going with the trend here (nicobars are heavily exploited for food/#gizzard stones/zoos/illegal pet trade) and also note that he signed off on the human representative directive #but i want to know how shuu fits into that as he was formerly ichijou utsuro. who has the ichijou name? why different species?#are they prominent benefactors of the hawks? interesting to think on #also i was thinking about the gulls - they seem to be fairly high class but gulls definitely do not have a good reputation with humans lmao #however gulls get to do whatever they want a lot of the time because they are loud. and like to bully others (including humans)#i hereby propose they gained power by doing much the same once birds gained sapience hjfhbdf #hatoful boyfriend #hatoful spoilers #holiday star #hatoful meta

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inimitablereel · 2 months ago

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so you want to watch a Hallmark Hanukkah Movie

Last year @heliological and I watched all 7 Hallmark Hanukkah Movie that were out at the time (plus the one lifetime hanukkah movie, Menorahs and Mistletoe) to make a cool fanvid. Actually, you don't need to have seen any of these movies to watch that so I'm going to shamelessly stick that in the body of this post

I've just watched the two movies that came out this year, so, below the cut, my personal ranking of every Hallmark Hanukkah Movie (plus mistletoe and menorahs which I'm declaring an honorary hallmark movie)

Perhaps it shouldn't be surprising that watching 10 Hallmark* movies set in December means a lot of exposure to that other December holiday. Personally I avoid Christmas as much as possible, but I hear some people love it, so I'll rate each of these movies on 3 axes:

Hallmark: how much christmas is in a movie (higher is worse imo)

Hanukkah: how much this movie knew (or got wrong) about Judaism (according to me, one Jew on the internet)

Movie: okay but was it actually fun to watch (again, according to me)

Round and Round (2023)

Rachel gets stuck in a timeloop on the seventh night of Hanukkah. Hallmark: 1: Christmas barely exists in this movie, and every character we know celebrates a holiday specifically celebrates chanukah. A 1 instead of a 0 because there are a few moments of Christmas existing in the world (true to life in north america in december, unfortunately)

Hanukkah: 8: loses a point for a couple of incorrect props, but generally seems like it knows what it's doing about hanukkah/feels like a reasonable portrayal of Jews

Movie: 10: this is the only one of these that I told people irl to go see: I genuinely liked and would recommend this movie! I love timeloops, I found the romance genuinely very compelling and handled well with the context of the timeloop, it was really charmingly nerdy, so I'm 100% the target audience for this one. Dropout fans may note that one of the leads is played by Vic Michaelis.

Hanukkah on the Rocks (2024)

An old town dive bar turns into a Hanukkah party when just-laid-off lawyer Tory gets pulled into the community.

Hallmark: 0: I just finished this movie and I honestly don't remember there being any Christmas in it at all? It was mentioned as existing once? A real breath of fresh air as compared to the other Hallmark Hanukkah movie from this year

Hanukkah: 9: This gets bonus points for remembering that Jewish holidays other than Hanukkah exist. It was a little hokey at times about shared jewish experiences or whatever, but such is hallmark. Deducted the last point because I am mad about "Hanukkah in July"

Movie: 7: The description of this movie doesn't do it credit - it's surprisingly fun to watch! The main actors are pretty good and it was fun to watch everyone interacting. The pacing was a little wonky and the ending was a little rushed because this was way more focused on figuring out what you want in life/forming community than the actual romance plot. But I love the kind of romance that's actually a late coming of age story and this overall worked pretty well.

Hitched for the Holidays (2012)

Nice Jewish Girl Julie and Catholic boy Rob find each other on Craigslist looking for fake dates for the holidays. Shenanigans ensue when Rob pretends to Julie's family to be Jewish.

Hallmark: 5: this definitely had a fair bit of Christmas in it, since his family celebrates Christmas, but we're grading on a curve here because if I recall correctly this at least doesn't try to explain Christmas to the Jewish girl or do a kiss under a Christmas tree. It's set over pretty much the whole month of December so it's as much a new years movie as a christmas movie in that sense.

Hanukkah: 7: I'm giving this a relatively high rating despite it mostly showing Hanukkah celebration that's messed up on purpose as a joke about how the goyish boyfriend doesn't know anything about Hanukkah. So we get things like him blowing out a menorah, but hey, them including that as a joke means that the creators of this movie know that you're not supposed to blow out a menorah!

Movie: 6: I thought it was a pretty good romcom. It has a real plot arc, and it's doing some fun tropes. I will say that this movie runs on cringe humor, which I don't love but at least it's doing something. This is one of two movies I watched in 2022, so I may be underselling it a bit because I've forgotten, but it was actually pretty memorable.

Holiday Date (2019)

Nice Jewish Boy Ethan is hoping to get an acting gig in a play that involves small town Christmas, so he volunteers to pretend to be Brooke's boyfriend when her real boyfriend dumps her just before going to her parents' for Christmas.

Hallmark: 10: this is a Christmas movie that has a Jewish boyfriend

Hanukkah: 4? this didn't get anything wrong about hanukkah iirc but it's really not a movie about Hanukkah and it doesn't have a ton of screentime. They light some candles and have latkes and soufganiot

Movie: 8: Ethan's actor, Matt Cohen (who imdb tells me was on a few spn episodes back in the day?), made this movie. He was just shockingly charming and enthusiastic about everything in a way that made it somehow work for me even though I simply would not be anything like that level of enthusiasm in his place. And the fake dating plot worked pretty well. It does run into the classic hallmark conservatism, so even grading on a scale that ignores the Christmas of it all I don't want to give it full marks, but it was a notably way better, more cohesive, and more fun to watch movie than a bunch of these. This did make me say oh if I liked Christmas some of these movies would be fun vs many of the hanukkah ones are deeply mediocre in a way that isn't really fun, but that may mean if you have a tolerance for Christmas you have choices that are even better than this one. This one actually has the worst rating on letterboxd of every movie here, which, again, suggests that if you like Christmas there are better movies (with fewer Jews) and if you don't like Christmas this is so much Christmas.

Eight Gifts of Hanukkah (2021)

Who could be leaving Sara all these Hanukkah gifts? Surely not her good friend who used to be the boy next door. How will she choose between the mystery gift giver and the chef she just met online?

Hallmark: 2: I'd forgotten about this one honestly but it's really not about Christmas! They do have a half-Hanukkah-half-Christmas display because Sara's business partner is Christian, but honestly, it's pretty cute! The chef isn't Jewish but he doesn't force Christmas on her and is interested in her family's hanukkah celebration which is honestly very charming, so maybe this movie really deserves bonus points for knowing that Christmas exists but not being obnoxious about it

Hanukkah: 8: detracting some points for the JCC running a "Hanukkah hunt" which I personally hate. Also at one point someone carries a lit menorah? I don't think that's not kosher it just seems dangerous. Gets a bonus point for having a hanukkah song that isn't made up for the movie in it as instrumental background music!

Movie: 6: I have this in my notes as "perfectly functional romcom". Tbh this one may have been a worse watching experience just because I watched too many mediocre movies all at once, I think it was pretty okay. Also gets bonus points from me for not being set in NYC

Hanukkah on Rye (2022)

Jacob and Molly have a meet-complicated when they realize that the delis that they're both inheriting are competing .... but also secretly they've been paired up by a matchmaker at the same time.

Hallmark: 1: Tragically this is our last one that is not about Christmas. a 1 instead of a perfect 0 because the magical matchmaker who wears red and white and has glasses that glint in a particular way felt Christmassy to heliological, the Christmas Movie Knower of the two of us (also there's a Christmas tree in the lobby of the building they live in)

Hanukkah: 9: sure yeah this one knew about Hanukkah and was generally reasonably culturally aware. Detracting a point because their latkes do not actually look good to me (and imo deli latkes aren't really a big hanukkah thing?) but this is just me looking for reasons to mark it down [EDIT: apparently this is in fact an NYC thing, so like this movie reflects A Jewish Experience just not MY Jewish Experience]

Movie: 4: Unfortunately this one wasn't so much bad as boring, which is the worst crime in a movie imo. I wasn't super drawn in by the leads or their romance. Hallmark movies love having family screentime, but there was a little too much family in this one and they didn't really get individual personalities. If you're the kind of person who wants to watch a hallmark hanukkah movie you may still like it? Certainly some folks on the internet thought it was the best one up to that date. The one good part of this movie to me was that there was grandma yuri.

Leah's Perfect Gift (2024)

Nice Jewish Girl Leah loooooves Christmas (because she's been poisoned by living in a hallmark universe) so she's thrilled that her boyfriend has invited her to his family's Christmas celebration. Unfortunately, when she gets there, his mom is... not super welcoming?

Hallmark: 10: this is a Christmas movie

Hanukkah: weirdly, also 10? The problem with this movie is after about the first 15 minutes the fact that Leah is Jewish was almost never addressed again. (I'll get to that more in the movie section, I think it actually let down the plot.) But those first 15 minutes of establishing? They must've gotten some Jews involved with making this movie! In very little time they showed more Jewish culture (and Jewish culture that isn't specifically about Hanukkah) than several of these that were nominally all about Hanukkah. They know about another Jewish holiday! They namedrop Maimonides!!! The mom is PERFECT. Anyways wish this had been visible in Leah in the rest of the movie.

Movie: 6: hallmark is simply too cowardly to follow through on the premise they set up here: how do you navigate a holiday you don't celebrate with a family that really doesn't want you there. This was trying to thread the needle of things are going wrong for her because she's Jewish and doesn't have the right cultural expectations around Christmas ... but also all of the problems are specific to this family and will be dealt with by the individual problem causers realizing they were wrong (on their own) and apologizing. It's doing something as a movie! That's a bold choice! Unfortunately it doesn't pull it off, and the failure to pull it off made me go from liking to hating the boyfriend because he subjects Leah to the gauntlet of his garbage family Christmas and then doesn't really do anything to support or protect her. Leah should've gotten together with Tricia the general store clerk who as far as I can tell is only in this movie to hype Leah up and listen to her problems. Also thematically I would've liked more moments of Leah bringing her own background into this celebration - it didn't really feel like her failures at this family's Christmas were because she's Jewish or even because she doesn't celebrate Christmas - this family's Christmas was just very bad and weird.

Love, Lights, Hanukkah! (2020)

Christina is adopted but she gets a DNA test that reveals that she's biologically Jewish and therefore she obviously wants to reconnect with her birth family at the "most magical time of the year"... Hannukah.

Note: I watched this one in 2022 and it did NOT make a big impression so this will be my least accurate review

Hallmark: 6: I think there was a bunch of Christmas

Hanukkah: 7: I don't think this did anything egregiously wrong but it wasn't particularly good about Jewish rep either. There's a fundamental problem with your main character is adopted and her first view of Judaism is going to be all about Hanukkah...

Movie: 4: forgettable :p

Mistletoe and Menorahs (2019)

Christy loooooves Christmas and doesn't know anything about Hannukah but she needs to know about it for work. Nice Jewish Boy Jonathan needs to decorate his apartment for Christmas to impress his goyish girlfriend's father. Surely these are equivalently unknown cultures that they can have a nice time sharing.

Hallmark: 9: not a Full On Christmas Movie but it spends a lot of time Explaining Christmas

Hanukkah: 6: I don't think this is super informative about Hanukkah and doing it as a Teaching Experience when it's super basic stuff to me is kind of annoying. Also some truly garbage looking latkes made by Christy. But it gets the bonus point for knowing that another Jewish holiday exists!

Movie: 3: let's learn about Christmas was never going to be a compelling plot to me, and Christy is also just not very good at coming up with toy ideas for someone whose job that is? My notes say this is "pretty middle of the road for these" which is more damning of the whole Hallmark Hanukkah Movie concept than this movie in particular

Double Holiday (2019)

Nice Jewish Girl Rebecca is tragically forced to throw the office Christmas party with her work rival. At the end of this they do get together, obviously

Hallmark: 9: Sooo much Christmas. Did you know that dinosaur cookies are insufficiently Christmas for Christmas cookies? There is a kiss in front of a Christmas tree

Hanukkah: 5: they get big into spinning dreidels upside-down? Why. And their latkes don't look good. I don't remember them doing anything else Obviously Wrong but it wasn't good.

Movie: 3: I didn't like this one, which was mostly about the Christmas of it all but also it wasn't good

Congrats on making it all the way here Hallmark you should consider making a movie for Any Other Jewish Holiday sometime. My mom tells me that there is at least (and perhaps exactly) one decent Hanukkah romance novel so it's not like the options are so much better book-wise

#I was going to wait until it was actually hanukkah to do this but whatever it's next week close enough #this years movies have certainly already been out for at least a week #and I wanted to watch something stupid last night #I am not patient enough to write this and then queue it #hallmark movies #I guess #hanukkah #sometimes you have to do a dramatic review post that no one wanted

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 6 months ago

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Not If It's You

If you have the extra spoons: five times Merlin took care of someone else and the one time they figured out how much help Merlin needs? – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: none

Pairings: merthur

Word Count: 3404

Merlin takes care of the knights, of Arthur, of Camelot.

Who takes care of him?

Gwaine winces as he pulls the third piece of mutton from his hair, tossing it aside with a grunt and submerging his head in the water bucket. The cold shocks a grunt from his throat as he gropes blindly for the towel. He scrubs his face a little too roughly. Gods, what he wouldn't give for another swig of ale, but his throat is already warning him against it and he barely chokes back the roll of vomit in time. He readies himself for another dunk when he hears the door open behind him.

"Gwaine? Are you—oh."

"Merlin," he says, weariness seeping into his voice, "sorry, 's a bit of a bad time."

"I can see that." He glances over his shoulder to see Merlin carrying something over his shoulder. "What was it this time?"

"Some visiting mercenary. Wanted to get his hands on some kid's necklace. Said it would sell for a pretty penny over the border." He rakes a hand through his hair. "Didn't care that it was the kid's last thing his mother gave him."

Merlin's mouth tightens as he comes to stand next to the basin. With a sweep of his arm, he clears a nearby table and sets his bag on top. "So you started a bar fight?"

"So I started a fight." He tries for his typical roguish grin and falls short by about a league. "Kid ran off with the necklace and I stayed behind."

"We can try and find him tomorrow, see if he's alright."

"Nah. Prick might still be watching me, might just lead him right to it. I—oh." He lets out a sigh when Merlin's cool hand touches his feverish cheek. "Did you just come out of an ice box or something?"

"How much have you had to drink?"

"Not much." At Merlin's look, he amends it. "Not much for me."

"Mhm. Come here, let me wash your hair."

"You don't have to do that, Merlin, it's—"

"Oi." He gets slapped lightly on the shoulder. "You just fought off a tavern full of men so a child wouldn't have the last remaining thing from his mother stolen for a quick profit. You can let me wash your hair."

"As I always say, whatever Merlin wants."

"That isn't what you always say," Merlin grumbles good-naturedly, steering him over to sit on a low bench, "and you know it."

"Perhaps it should be."

"Promises, promises." The flirtation rolls right off of him, as it always does, and yet Gwaine can't help but wish just a little bit of it stuck. It never seems fair, when he's like this, all soft and unfocused as Merlin tends to his needs. Even now, in the dim light of his chambers, with Merlin slowly filling the basin with warm water, carrying it over to set behind him, he wishes he could do something other than lie there, placidly, as gentle fingers work their way through his hair. "Gwaine? Are you okay?"

"Mm." He blinks up at Merlin's upside-down face. "Thank you. For being here."

He gets to watch that face smile and feels damp fingers scratch his scalp. "You're welcome. Now hush, I don't know how you managed to get this much stew in your hair, and no, I don't care enough to find out.

Elyan sighs, wrapping the leather around his hand again. Gwen's right; he cut it far too short but there isn't enough left to re-cut a decent length and any sort of seam he puts into this thing will just become a weak point for moisture, cracking, or any sort of weapon that gets swung his way. Perhaps if he angles it slightly more, or if he starts a little higher, closer to the heel of his hand—

"Elyan? Are you in here?"

"Back here, Merlin." He looks up to see Merlin carrying a set of armor on his hip, dropping the leather and going to help. "Careful, you'll fall right over if a strong enough breeze blows by."

"Just because I'm not a knight doesn't mean I'm liable to blow over," Merlin grumbles but doesn't protest the help any further. They manage to get it set down on a nearby table to clean when he notices the strap dangling from Elyan's wrist. He jerks his chin towards it. "What's that?"

"Oh, just the latest in a line of mistakes." At Merlin's confused look, he sighs. "Gwen warned me that I was cutting the leather too short to brace the gauntlet properly but I didn't listen, and now…"

"Now it's too short?"

"Now it's too short." He clenches his fist and tries to swallow the frustration. "It's alright. I still have an older one I can use instead. This…I'm sure I'll find some use for this."

"Of course you will."

He looks up in surprise. Merlin must glimpse the movement out of the corner of his eye as he goes to pick up the polish and turns to him.

"What?"

"What did you, uh, what did you mean?"

Merlin frowns. "Of course, you're going to figure out something else to use it for. You're brilliant, Elyan—no, don't look at me like that."

"Brilliant, eh?"

"You and Gwen both. That's why you work so well together. You're both clever and inventive and you'll find something to do with that leather strap, I just know it."

As the sounds of scrubbing and polishing fill the room, Elyan finds himself just watching Merlin for a moment. The ease of his movement, the quiet confidence of just doing a job well, well enough that he doesn't have to think through everything. It's with that same easy confidence that Merlin just called him brilliant, and, well, if being a knight of Camelot has taught him anything, it's that Merlin knows far more than he's letting on and is far cleverer than most people give him credit for.

He notices Elyan's staring after a moment and looks up, wordlessly quirking a brow.

"Thank you, Merlin," he says, "that means a lot coming from you."

"You're welcome. Though you should tell Gwen she was right."

He rolls his eyes. "Don't remind me. The last time I didn't admit she was right, she held it over my head for a whole month."

"What did you do?"

"Ask her, I'm sure she'd love to never let me live it down."

Percival's low groan fills the room as he pries the dented armor from his chest. He stretches over to set it down and nearly collapses onto his side. One hand presses hard to the wound, blood already showing past his fingers, and he muffles a curse.

"Hold still."

"I'm doing my best."

"I know," Merlin says quietly, his quick and sure fingers effortlessly replacing Percival's as he pries his hand back, "I know. I'm sorry."

"You did not swing the halberd," Percival grunts, letting Merlin guide him back to lean against the wall, "the fault lies not with you."

Merlin's mouth tightens in that way where he wants to disagree, but he says no more on the matter. Instead, he reaches into his bag and pulls out a small vial, uncorking it with his teeth. "This is going to sting."

"I understand, I—hh."

"Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry." There's a quick rustle and a cloth is pressed to the wound. "There, it's over. We just have to wait a few minutes for the poultice to do its work. I'm going to clean it a little more, then I'll put something on it and cover it, okay?"

Percival nods wordlessly, clenching his teeth to keep his bitten-off noises to himself. He lets his head fall back, staring over Merlin's shoulders at the other end of the physician's chambers. Herbs and other things he couldn't hope to name hang from too many hooks to count, pots and pans and other jars sitting on tables, ready to be filled with things he couldn't hope to understand. He is not a man of letters, nor a man of deep knowledge, and so he lets his eyes fall closed instead of giving voice to the questions on the tip of his tongue.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, I am waiting for the sting to go down." A finger prods his side and his eyes open once more, glaring down. "What?"

"Don't fall asleep."

"The bloodloss isn't that severe."

"I'll be the judge of that, thank you." He knows better than to try and argue with Merlin. "Keep your eyes open. Keep talking. Say anything."

"What would you have me say?"

"I saw you looking at all of Gaius's herbs. Do you have questions?"

He swallows both the pained grunt and the hopeful words. "I'm a knight. I'm not a physician."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I…don't think I have it in me to learn about them."

"That's a bigger load of bollocks than the bandit who tried to bludgeon you," Merlin says bluntly, "if you're curious, then you want to know. And if you want to know, I'll tell you, so ask me."

Despite the pain in his abdomen, Percival smiles. It's a weak smile, worn long by the day and the bloodshed, but a smile nonetheless. He inclines his head slightly toward where Merlin's holding the cloth to his side. "Would you tell me what you've put onto me, then?"

"Gladly."

Lancelot stares into the fire, his fingers tracing mindlessly around the crude sigil carved into the hunk of metal tucked against his palm. The dancing light has long since eroded his night vision, leaving him vulnerable against the threats lurking in the darkness. His shoulders hunch with the knowledge that he's supposed to be watching, alert and ready to respond at the first sign of danger, and yet he could no more drag his eyes from the fire than he could let go of the precious thing cradled in his hands.

"You're up late," comes Merlin's soft voice from just to the side of him, "is there something wrong?"

"I'm on watch."

"Mm." A quiet rustle as another body leans against his. The sudden contact makes his hands stutter in their near-feverish tracing. "And has the fire been behaving?"

He doesn't take the bait. After a moment, Merlin sighs, leaning against him more heavily, and his hand reaches to rest on his forearm.

"You need to rest," he says softly, "everything's alright. Everyone is safe—"

"We're in the middle of the woods," he interrupts, a touch more harshly than perhaps he should, "how many times have we been out here and been attacked by bandits? Or another enemy that requires us to fight for our lives, you included?"

Merlin's touch never wavers. "I'm alright, Lancelot, and so are you."

His throat closes. Merlin's touch wanders closer and closer to the piece of metal and he can't help tensing. Merlin notices, because when has the man not noticed something bothering him, and he retreats, settling his hand on his knee instead.

"Forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive," he says, still speaking softly as though to soothe a frightened animal, "you're upset. I shouldn't push."

"I don't mean to be. I think…the nights have some…effect on me."

Merlin snorts and it isn't unkind. "You mean the thing that all of us have to deal with, where it gets dark and suddenly everything hidden in our minds comes out to torment us?"

"Yes, that."

"You're not alone," he reminds again in that terribly, terribly gentle voice, "you're alright. I'm right here."

"You should be asleep, it's my watch."

Merlin just hums, his thumb tracing soothing patterns on his knee. The fire crackles. One of the knights is snoring. Far away, an owl calls, the sound echoing softly amongst the trees. In the dark of the shadows, Merlin pulls one of their capes up and drapes it over the two of them, sheltering them a little from the frigid breeze that blows through.

"You're a good man," he whispers, too quiet for anyone but Lancelot to hope to hear, "you don't have to carry things alone."

"You're one to talk."

He chuckles. "Yeah, I know. That's why I've got you, though, right?"

"Always."

"Then you always have me." Merlin's head comes to rest on his shoulder. "So you can close your eyes for a moment. I'm right here. I'll keep watch for a second."

Lancelot lets his eyes fall closed and the metal in his hands warms for the first time that night.

Leon lets the smallest of sighs leave him as he looks at the mountain of paperwork left on the table after a Council meeting. With the dignity of someone long-practiced in it, he reaches down and begins to sort it into three piles: to do immediately, to give to the King to sign, and to do later. The third pile quickly grows in size as he gets further and further from the head of the table.

Merlin slips in a few moments later, having settled the King back in his chambers, and winces. "That bad, is it?"

"We were able to get to three of the meeting points today that were on schedule."

"That's three more than last time, what an improvement."

Leon chuckles, wagging a slightly chiding finger that's far too fond for Merlin to take seriously. "We mustn't scoff at the Council members, Merlin, we know not what it is they have to debate over with themselves before they even open their mouth."

"Like whether or not they remember how to string words together in a sentence that doesn't make them sound like complete and total arses?"

This time he isn't quick enough to stop the snort. Merlin cackles as though he's won the highest victory in the land, getting Leon to laugh at one of his insults to the other Council members. In truth, Leon would happily join him in mocking their lack of intelligence any day, but today, when his pile is steadily growing higher and higher, he knows he must preserve most of that energy for actually drafting things that they'll have to read. And as tempting as it is, he has to refrain from making it as scathing as possible.

"Oh, come on," Merlin pouts when he says as much, "it'll do them some good! They're reading and writing the same dry things all the time, spice up their lives a bit."

"That spice might very well end up burning half of Camelot, as well you know."

Merlin huffs, handing him another sheet of paper. "Maybe you shouldn't do anything, then. Let them see how little they're really doing and make them deal with it."

"And create more work for myself down the road, when I inevitably tire of their lack of competence?"

"Make Arthur do it."

Leon shakes his head with a smile. "I'm afraid that aside from you, Merlin, none of us have the power to make Arthur do anything."

"I'll make him make them do things instead of relying on you all the time, that'll be fair."

He can't deny the way his chest feels a little bit lighter, listening to Merlin grumble about how ungrateful the Council is to have him, or how much Arthur doesn't commend him enough—he does, truly, in their meetings alone, where the two of them do actually get work done. It makes the pile of paperwork look a little less daunting, if only he knows that Merlin would happily sit in the room with him while he rants about how annoying it is to have to explain the same thing over and over.

"It's what I have to do when I tell Arthur he can't just make something happen out of nothing."

"Doesn't much help your case that you can, then, does it?"

Merlin's ears turn red. "Don't know what you're talking about."

+1.

Arthur knows that Merlin has magic and that he's being an idiot about it.

Merlin, for some reason, has decided unilaterally that he is the only one allowed to shoulder the burden of secrets between them. That he will be the one to do the stupid self-sacrificial thing that saves the kingdom, that he will be the one to hold close the knowledge that could otherwise doom all of their people, that he and he alone will carry the weight of Camelot on his back and never once complain.

Merlin is also, for aforementioned reasons, an idiot. Because if he thinks for one second that Arthur's not going to be right there next to him, in the thick of it, fighting for the idiotic sorcerer that won't lift a finger to save his own skin, then he's the most incorrect person to set foot in the kingdom since Uther Pendragon outlawed magic.

He's working on that, by the way.

So when Merlin comes into his chambers at the end of a very, very long day, intent on doing nothing more than changing Arthur for bed and slipping out into the night, Arthur stands up from his desk, puts his hands on Merlin's shoulders, and walks him over to the table.

"No," he says, gently yet firmly when Merlin squawks a protest, "you are going to sit and eat something before you fall over."

"For the love of—I'm fine, Arthur, now let me up—"

He holds Merlin down and slides a plate of fresh cakes over to him. Merlin's eyes go wide but he tries valiantly to struggle up nevertheless. "Eat. Just one."

"Just one? What, are the rest for you?"

"They're all for you," he says patiently, ignoring Merlin's spluttering, but I know you and I know you won't believe me, so I just want you to eat one."

"Why?"

"Because I don't think I've seen you eat anything today, and that's worrying." He glares at Merlin until Merlin picks up a cake and stuffs it into his mouth. "There, is that better?"

Merlin studiously avoids his gaze and he chuckles. That's as good an answer as anything. The hand on his shoulder gentles, stroking his fingers along the sharp curve of his back. He watches as Merlin eats a second, then a third, reaching over to slide the pear juice within reach. Merlin once again looks up at him with confusion, only for Arthur to raise his eyebrows and he mumbles something under his breath as he reaches for the drink too.

"There," he murmurs, still speaking softly, "that's much better. Now, up with you and let's get you changed."

"What—me changed? Arthur, I'm—"

"Ah—" he holds up a finger and to his surprise, Merlin's mouth shuts immediately. "Mm. You're exhausted. Don't bother trying to lie to me, I can see the bags under your eyes from here. Come over and lie down."

"What?"

Sighing at his oblivious idiot of a manservant, he goes and wraps his arms around Merlin's waist, smiling at the endearing spluttering as Merlin tries to ask him what the hell's going on. Arthur just waits, the smile playing on his lips, for Merlin to tire himself out and pull him close. He gets another short round of spluttering in his ear before he falls silent as he squeezes him around the middle.

"You've done a lot today," he whispers, "now it's time for you to rest."

"A-arthur? What's—what's going on?"

"You've taken care of everyone else except yourself. Now it's time for you to let me do that part."

Merlin's hands stutter where they landed on his shoulders. Arthur just holds him. After a moment, Merlin's voice comes again, soft and insecure. "I don't…I'm not…you shouldn't."

"Well, I'm the King of Camelot, and I can do as I like. And what I'd like, right now, is to take care of you." He leans back, one hand cupping Merlin's face. "Will you let me?"

Merlin stares at him for a long moment before jerking his head in a nod. Arthur smiles and leans closer, only to be stopped by a hand on his chest. "W-wait. I should—there's something I should tell you."

"Is it that you have magic?"

The hand falls away as Merlin gapes at him in shock. "How did you know?"

Arthur laughs low in his throat and leans forward to capture Merlin's lips with his.

Idiot.

#dragonbabbles #fic #merlin #merlin bbc #bbc merlin

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