#after what happened last year i'm like 80% sure they're going to give us a date and maybe a poster

[unhingedpirates]

Ofmd fandom waiting for pride month:

(Whatever happens I'm ready)

[jpitha]

Between the Black and Grey 53

First / Previous / Next

Northern Lights coasted through the deep interstellar, moving at 80% the speed of light. Zhe had never been relativistic before and the view outside looked decidedly odd. The stars ahead were sharp, harsh blue pinpricks and the ones behind were the deep red embers of a dying fire. They had been accelerating for the last month, and Northern had finally turned off the stardrive. Zhe was able to leave the acceleration couch. After a shower, she sat in her cabin, brushing her fur.

"Thanks for taking me along, Northern."

"Oh, it's fine Zhe, it's not like I'm short on space." Northern's voice came seemingly from everywhere when Zhe talked to her. It took some getting used to, but by now Zhe was able to just start talking to herself and hear Northern answer. "Actually, can you go down to the hold and check on our cargo?"

Zhe's ears flicked in amusement. She was pretty sure this was just to give her something to do. "Sure Northern, but can't you check on it yourself?"

"I can, yes, but my cameras will never be as good as someone walking up to them, checking on them, making sure they're ready." Northern said.

Shrugging, Zhe finished brushing, and went down to the hold. She snapped on the lights, and there in two straight lines were eight, 3 meter long lozenges of tungsten. Even in the dark hold they looked unsettling. Attached to all of them was a girdle of maneuvering jets and a miniaturized reactor. On the rear was a lump of metal that looked almost biological. It was blended and formed to look like a growth from the tungsten. A wormhole generator. Zhe stared at her reflection in the mirror finish of the weapons. "Northern? Are we doing the right thing?"

"What do you mean, Zhe?"

"I mean, these are relativistic impactors. It's a serious escalation. Piracy is one thing, I'm from a family of pirates. But, this is like, war crime stuff. We're planning on destroying-"

"We're destroying a shipyard and some Imperial military installations. No civilians, Zhe. I promise."

"Yeah, but-" Zhe's sounded unsure. Her reflection in the tungsten looked back, her features distorted by the curves. "It's a line, and we're not only crossing it, but we're sprinting over it."

"Zhe, we've been trying to get Fen's attention for what, a year now?"

"More or less, yes." Zhe said, still staring at the weapons.

"Has anything worked?"

Zhe had to admit that it hadn't. They had started with some piracy, attacking colonial shipping and they made a pile of money; sending it back to the Heap, and even became slightly notorious in a few systems, but never got Imperial attention. "No, not really."

"So, we attack where she makes and trains ships, and she'll have to go after us. If nothing else, we reduce her ability to make war."

"People are going to hate us." Zhe sighed. That was what probably annoyed her the most. Zhe prided herself on being friendly and outgoing, and here she was, about to do something that could make her vilified to every human.

"Not all of them! There are plenty of humans that hate the Empire. All the AIs too."

"Northern, I've read human history, I know what happened to New Wellington."

One of the original colony worlds, New Wellington sat with Parvati and Mèihuá as the three jewels in Earth's colonial crown. However, shortly after the wormhole generators were developed a war broke out between Parvati and New Wellington. After years of fighting, Parvati won by sending relativistic impactors to New Wellington, destroying the colony completely. The shock of the attack was so great, relativistic weapons were banned, and Parvati was ostracized for decades. To this day, relations between Parvati and Mèihuá are chilly.

"We're not destroying a colony, Zhe. We're hitting shipyards and a few military bases on Luna. We're almost at the drop point. Do the final checks and come on back up to the Command Deck." Northern said, and cut the connection.

Zhe stared at the weapons a moment longer. She touched the one closest to her, the metal cold and impersonal. She shook her head once, like she was clearing something off her fur, and her ears flicked. "Ancestors, what are we doing?" she whispered, but then turned her back and made her way back up to the Command Deck.

Upstairs, Zhe settled into the commander's seat. It was really only a formality, Northern was the one in charge, but she liked being the biological being in command, and Northern let her at least give some of the orders. Zhe was sure that in a real emergency, Northern would take over, but maybe she would let Zhe make some of the decisions. "Northern, did you tell Gord what we were doing?"

"No, I didn't want to bother him. He has enough going on right now." Northern's voice sounded jovial but distracted. She was devoting very little energy to speaking to her friend.

"Did you even tell him? He's going to worry when some relativistic impactors link into Sol and destroy some bases and the shipyards."

"Worry about what, Zhe? Gord hates the empire as much as we do. He'll be happy someone it taking the initiative."

"Hmm." Zhe said, unconvinced. "Are we launching soon, Northern?"

"Yup. Just a few more minutes. We'll release, and then you have to go back to the acceleration couch for the decel."

Another month strapped in the acceleration couch while Northern thrusted at a few gee to slow down. If they linked back now, they'd still be moving at 80% light and would pass out of every star system they linked to in a few hours. Zhe would have to play her games and read her novels again. She had gone through all her entertainment on the acceleration, she didn't have anything else to do. Zhe wondered how much time will have passed. She knew about the time dilation issues traveling relativistically, but being gone for 3 to 4 months probably wouldn't change the calendar that much.

"We're ready to launch, Zhe. Would you like to do the honors?" As Northern said that, a panel rotated next to her, showing a control screen Zhe hadn't seen before. Peering at it, she saw the coordinates for the wormhole generators on the weapons. It looked like two were going to the Heinlein Shipyard, two to the Besmara Shipyard, and the remaining four to Imperial bases on Luna, Venus and Saturn. They would link into space a million and a half kilometers away, giving everyone less than five seconds notice before the strike. There was nearly no defense against the attack.

Zhe held her hand over the button. She couldn't shake the visuals that she saw of New Wellington. She had learned a lot about relativistic impactors while she was in the couch. "N-No, Northern. I can't do it."

"You can't? Why not Zhe?"

"I... just can't. I can't be the one that launches them."

"You sure were all for it when we left, Zhe. You could have said no at anytime." Northern sounded irritated. "This is important Zhe. It's necessary."

"Who says it's necessary? You?"

"Yes, me, Zhe. I'm the ship, I made the weapons, it was my idea. If we want Fen to find us, if we want to find Fen, we have to be noticed. Not only will we get noticed, but we will strike a blow against their warmaking abilities. You've seen the dreadnoughts they're building as much as I have, Zhe. Fen isn't building them for fun. She means to expand. She will attack the Gren, the Sefigans, the K'laxi. She'll attack anyone that stands in her and the Nanites way, and you know it."

"I just... wish there was a different way."

"There isn't Zhe. I launched them already and they linked away while you dithered. It's done. Now, get into the acceleration couch, I'm going to start decelerating."

Zhe blinked in astonishment, and her ears flicked rapidly. So it was true. She was just along for the ride. She got up, and without another word climbed into the acceleration couch.

[khaleesiofalicante]

Now these are all random thoughts with no order, but I still need to get them out of my system (and my notes lol)

David's thoughts not appearing and him not having a POV makes me so fucking nervous, because the last time it happened it turned out to be the saddest shit ever 😭

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN ARCAID ARE NOT A CANON EVENT???? AND THEY AREN'T TOGETHER IN IALS??? My mind refuses to accept that😤. Also the fact that Arthur said “We’re destined to be together, Kincaid.”, and they are the couple that is not canon is my 13th reason 🙂

The song rec in Lance's chapter being She by Dodie??? Haven't recovered yet, thanks :)

I remember Arthur saying in IALS that "You were bigger than the whole sky" was his favorite song from the midnights album and now I'm feeling Arcaid feels not in a good way😭😭

Everyone in this gen is a whore and I say good for them!! Theia literally using her travel year to go see Lance, Joan thirsting over Régine, Iris and Hermes, Arthur and Kincaid (both self explanatory), and don't get me started on Cami! I am proud of them😌

I'm still curious about what happened to David's book. I mean, I know it wasn't published, and Max was angry at Rafael about it, but what bullshit excuse did they used???

Rafael and Max's relationship 🥺🥺. Rafael being scared for Max, and Max wanting to protect his family and everything just going to shit because of the Clave... They better fix this relationship or I'm throwing hands!

You should listen to "Fuiste tú" by Ricardo Arjona and "El triste" by José José. They give me IALS vibes. Funny thing is that those two are really famous in my country, and I've heard them a thousand times, but just recently I paid attention and I am heartbroken 🥰

I have a theory Max won't become Other Max after seeing all the damage it created. Like, seeing the consequences, and telling David he can't do it but feeling bad about it. Still not sure because that whore is capable of anything

And I have ANOTHER theory that David will die soon. Like, in a battle or in between the fight with Idris and that's why Max invented time travel. Because he never got to grow old (?) with him. But maybe that would also mean Lance activating the prophecy for him... Besides, Other Max said he took 720 years to figure it out, but he didn't said what year he is from... Idk, maybe it could be because you didn't want to do math but I don't trust you anymore😑

I love Rafael, Anjali and Cami but omfg they NEED TO CHIILL!!! I feel they would judge me so hard LMAO. I am that girl who's motto is "if tomorrow isn't the due date, today isn't the do date". And I procrastinate so much but the worst part is I know I can pull it off because I have done entire projects 20 minutes before they're due and I've gotten 10s, and studying for exams with time?? Nah, I like to study with someone's study cards 10 minutes before the exam AND I also pull that off so yeah... I love Cami but she would probably dislike me 😂

Every time I remember Other Max waited 720 years to see David again, I remember this scene of IALS and feel 80% worse 🥲 “Alec hasn’t spoken to me for two days and I already feel like I’m decaying,” bapak told him. “Decaying?” Max made a face. “Like a corpse?” The man clutched his face. “13 years, Max. 13 bloody years. How on earth did you manage that?”

I would sell a kidney to know why tf Other Max does the shit he does sigh

I'm really curious about the changes from Other Max's timeline and this because of the White Warlock thing Max has going on. Like, we've cleared that the money did have an impact on it, so not only does it affect keeping the institute, I guess it would affect Lance and AJ going to different schools, maybe Arthur not meeting Harry?

Arcaid are together (briefly) in IALS but they don't end up together rip.

She by Dodie is funnily enough a song that perfectly fits Lance and Kincaid - more reasons why they are alike!!!

We'll find out about David's book soon (I think).

Thank you thank you for your song recs. I love them. I haven't been the same since you recced me Tú sí sabes quererme. It's one of my fave songs ever - and so very blackbane too.

And yes, everything is literally because I don't wanna do math. DO NOT MAKE ME.

I guess we'll find out what Other Max does and why he does it when he return to the Other Timeline during the interlude.

And yes, it does affect the schools they go to. For instance, Arthur and Harry meet in a public school instead of Silverstone. You actually get a lil context about this in the next chapter :)

[lumine-no-hikari]

Oh! Okie dokie! Thank you for thinking of me! 😄🥰💖

...Oh, but goodness me, if you're gonna ask an autistic person a question, then expect long, detailed, autistic answers!!! Ahahahaha~! 🤣🤣🤣

Favorite Color:

Anything, as long as it's bright, or pastel, or highly saturated, or shiny, or sparkly. I tend not to like dull colors or dark colors, unless they're also transparent, iridescent, metallic, sparkly, shimmery, or opalescent in some way. So for example, something like navy blue, burgundy, forest green, or dull browns don't appeal to me on their own, but I love them when the light plays with them, like this:

Last Song:

This one is from a larger playlist that I made of all the things that remind me of Sephiroth when I hear them, because I am a synesthete, and I can't hear music without getting vivid mental imagery (because I am autistic; nothing is EVER simple...).

Yes, I know he already has songs that are written for him, but those are reflective of the pain he carries, not of who he actually is. Anyway, here's the whole list:

Last Movie:

Gremlins, because J was in the mood for a silly 80s movie. It's very silly, and surprisingly gory, and potentially racist and classist in a variety of respects. It's definitely not my favorite, and I do believe Labyrinth would have been a better choice. But it's a fairly good metaphor for bad things happening because white people decided to commodify and mess around with shit that they don't care to understand or take proper care of.

Currently Reading:

Nothing yet, but I do have a couple books about OBEs on the way, and I'm eager to crack into them!!

Currently Watching:

I'm going through The Zeta Project again. If you're unfamiliar, I know where you can watch it for free, but I'm not sure I'm allowed to put that link up here, and the last thing I need is for my account to get banned or something. It's a legit site though, so if you want the link to see what I'm talking about, send me a message and I'll give it to you. And if you'd rather find it yourself, the title of the site is Watch Cartoons Online Forever. Shortened to wcoforever. Instead of .com or .net, it's .tv.

And I'm gonna add...

Currently Playing:

Elden Ring. I am DETERMINED to make it past that first Grafted Scion.

Currently Craving:

Raw beef, sushi, cheese, cocoa nibs... my body is about to lose a lot of resources for cyclical reasons, so it's trying to stock up pre-emptively.

...And also there's a craving for playing video games on the couch, under a blanket, while leaning against someone I care about and know well. Kinda like the way Nanna (maternal grandmother) used to do when I was like 3. She used to like to watch me play the Super Nintendo. And I'd sit in front of her and she'd have her arms wrapped around me, and she'd help me read the text on the screen (this is how I learned to read, actually), and tell me what she thought I should do if I got stuck. And then she'd go make something yummy like scrambled eggs with cheese and garlic powder, or preserved codfish with creamy gravy on toast or on mashed potatoes...

...She's gone now, though. Been gone for some 14 years now, at least. And life got really weird for me after the age of 3, so I've not really been able to enjoy anything similar for a little over 3 decades now. I could probably replicate the eggs, but I don't know the recipe for the codfish, and I don't have anyone who can make the time for the video game thing, so... ya know. It is what it is, and there ain't a whole lot that can be done about it.

...Whoops. I had better stop thinking about it before my face starts to leak. Anyway... tea or coffee is the next question, right?

Tea or Coffee:

Yes. Both. All. Either totally unmodified, or loaded up with ALL the cream and sugar!!!

Hey:

@verysmolspams, @prismaticpichu, @heavenhistoria, @not-sephiroth, @conditionvarietysilence, @dragoninthelabratory, @weirdbanana, @xekutozoren, @tinyfluffyshark, @darthvodkas, @sanguinull, @alaricethemagpie, @elinorthemeek, @noisynerdcat...

...does this seem like a fun activity to you?

tagged by @burntheupholstery thank you so much for the tag! <3

Rules: answer and tag 9 people you want to get to know better and/or catch up with!

⟡ favorite color(s)?

blue, turquoise, recently purple (cause of my blorbo Cyno)

⟡ last song?

Dear Phanta Rhei (it's the ending theme of Shaman King Flowers)

⟡ last movie?

Unfortunately it's The Last Kingdom: Seven Kings Must Die although I did not finish it because I found the pacing is really bad as compared to the series. If I can add the movie I finished though, Reincarnated as a Slime: Scarlet Bond Movie. It's what I expected it to be mostly, so I enjoyed it but I don't think it's really worth recommending unless you're into the anime series

⟡ currently reading?

lawbooks but let's not mention them xD

⟡ currently watching?

I just finished Queen of Tears earlier! and it is really good. Cried like a baby. I'm keeping up with dunmeshi, kaiju 8 and spice and wolf. trying to watch derry girls too but I don't think I can find the time

⟡ currently craving?

I really want to eat gabi cheese ice cream

⟡ coffee or tea?

this question is biphobic I need at least three drinks to function (but if I don't have a choice ig coffee wins)

tagging: @eternal-flame, @yarrayora @attendre-et-esperer, @zhuoyiyun, @szczepter, @flowerhotpot, @buryam-soul, @akunii, @shuuenka,

[natewriteslol]

Hey lol i hope i'm not bothering bug if that's okay could i request the first years + Grim {platonic only for the gremlin lol} (sorry i just love them they're all so precious🥺) with a MC who has demonic heritage? Like, when the mirror judged them he talked about them being stronger than the average human or something and they just shrugged went "ah yeah, it's because my grandparents are demons".

They're still human since they're the dominant genes but as i said previously they're stronger than an average person and have heightened senses. they're not as strong as a demon or a half-human half-demon but they're capable to defend themselves if needed.

Bonus if they actually get to meet their demon relatives and their relatives are super sweet to them. Sorry i just love the thought of a thousands of years old creature being soft for a kid 👉👈 gsksgs sorry that this is so specific gsksgsk

A/N: There’s nothing wrong with specific asks bby I love this prompt! I will be making a part two where the first years meet the grandparents :)

Y/N is gender neutral

Characters: Ace Trappola, Deuce Spade, Epel Felmeir, Jack Howl, Sebek Zigvolt, Grim (platonic ofc)

Ace:

-You both had to study for an upcoming test for Magical History

-Ace texting you, and I quote “PLZ HELP”

-With a ridiculously, large textbook with leather fastening laid out on the table and other resources you began your session

-”Okay, I understand every section of this book. But the last one is about demons, but I really don’t understand it. It’s in this forgien text and I can’t read any of it.”

-You turned to look at the page, looking it over, you understood it perfectly

-”It’s discussing magic potion compounds demons use. It’s nothing that we really need to study in depth.”

-Ace looked at you like you grew another head, “How could you understand any of that, Y/N!?”

-”Well, my grandparents are demons after all.”

-”Y/N, what the fuck.”

-You can’t just drop a bombshell like that?? So casually??

- Ace had been crushing on you forever, and just now you’re confessing this to him??

-I mean he knew that you were incredibly strong, but he just thought that was how humans from this place you call Earth come from

-He was so shocked and in a state of disbelief that he just had to meet your grandparents

Deuce:

-There had been rumors of a dark evil from within the forest, something otherworldly

-”Hey Deuce, wanna go check out of what's in the forest?” you asked, bored on this Friday night

-”W-what?! Are you crazy? I’m not going with you and you shouldn’t either-”

-And there he was, by your side roaming through the dark forest with a flashlight

-Hearing the coos and caws of different creatures lurking within

-”Ah new humans to devour, my favorite!” a new voice exclaimed.

-And while Deuce screamed, he got infront of you to protect you “Y/N get behind me now!”

-”Y/N?

-You recognized that voice. “Eren?”

-”Oh, well this is awkward-”

-”Now what did your mother tell you about terrorizing the innocent?” you asked, gripping the shadow beast’s...ear?

-”Now you best go home, otherwise I’ll tell Aunt Acheron!”

-Deuce was in a state of shock, mouth gaping open at your exchange

-”Sorry, that was my cousin Eren” you said sheepishly.

-”What do you mean cousin?” Deuce asked, not believing what was coming out of your mouth

-”Well my grandparents are demons. Almost my entire family is!”

-You were just… full of surprises aren’t you Y/N…

Epel:

-Pomefiore was hosting a “Party for the Ages” as Vil called it

-And they needed to get these decorations on point, so Epel called Y/N to help aid them

-They needed to hand the streamers from the upper handrail of the stairs, which keep in mind is a completely second story

-”Hey Y/N, could you please hang these up there?” Epel asked, handing you the streamers

-”Oh okay cool” you replied. Wait why are you running- oh my god you jumped to the second story of the dorm

-”Y/N!” Epel yelled out.

-”Yeah?”

-”What did you just do?!”

-That was superhuman strength, no human being could jump from the ground to the second story of a house, let alone a mansion like building?

-Once you both finished decorating you told him about your heritage with demons

-” I-I see”

-He understands but he is still in shock

Jack:

-He always knew that there was something strange about you

-Your abilities were flat out inhuman and your smell was different

-But he just couldn’t figure it out

-Until one day, he just had to ask

-You decided to help the organize the Rugby field with him in the afternoon

-”Hey, Jack! Catch!” you said, about 80 feet away from him

-And there you threw, except you didn’t quite aim it right

-And...the ball went right out of the vicinity

-the display looking like a comet as it blistered with so much heat it turned a bright orange-fiery hue

-Jack gasped at what just happened

-”Y/N, what even are you?” he asked, still bewildered

-”Well, a quarter demon. I’m not as strong as my grandparents though” you smiled.

-Jack loves you dearly Y/N, but god did you confuse him

Sebek:

-Ah, Sebek he really did try to keep his feelings for you at bay

-I mean, him with a human? Pathetic, it could never happen

-But everyone did see how he treated you more gently than others he had distaste for

-When he realized your true power and when you told him about your family was when you challenged to spar him

-Sebek decided to just go easy on you and throw out a couple of magical beams or whatever to help your skills in combat-

-Wait you’re beating his ass hold on-

-Even though Sebek won, the fae started his own little fit

-”What was that?! T-That isn’t like weak humans at all!”

-”Well, technically I’m not human since my grandparents are demons.”

-You grabbed your towel since you started to sweat

-”Well I’m going home, nice sparring match, Sebek! You did super good!” you complimented, giving a soft pat to his forehead with the back of your palm

-If he struggled this much fighting someone who only has a ¼ or ½ human DNA (he doesn’t know your parent’s DNA after all) then how powerful is a fullbread demon?

-The man has so many questions that he will bother you about

Grim (platonic):

-He knew during the first few months of school when you both had ghosts in your dorm

-And while you didn’t mind, there were a few in particular that seriously got on your nerves

-Those ghosts had to go

-One day they just wouldn’t stop messing with Grim

-And while he is a slight menace to society, Grim didn’t deserve it

-So you decided to take out your Amina Box (Soul Box), or your Soul Snatcher as you liked to call it that your grandmother had gifted to you

-Once you opened it, in the ghosts went inside vacuum like

-Grim was so weirded out

-”They were bullying me the whole time and you didn’t bother to stop them?! And where did you even get a box like that, stupid human?”

-”First of all, it was a little funny. Second off, I’m not really a human, after all my grandparents were demons.”

-Grim stayed in silence, connecting the dots until the light bulb went off and he got a little jealous

- “How come all the cool stuff happens to you?” Grim said, pouting.

-”Don’t worry, Grim. If ‘cool stuff’ happens, I’ll be sure to take you with me. I promise.”

[caffeineforbucky]

As Time Goes By...(Chapter three)

A/N: This one took a while to write. I've just been so busy doing absolutely nothing all while procrastinating, so special thanks to that. No, but I really hope you like this, fellow reader. If you like the series, let me know if you want to be tagged!

(Side note: I've been playing RE8, thirsting over lady D, and dying over and over...it's going great! It's part of the procrastination...)

Also, has anyone seen the Bridgerton musical tiktoks? I swear I've had the 'burn for you' song in my head all last month and if you've been living under a rock...here's the link:

https://youtu.be/EwY9_m5qeow

Word Count: 2,299

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem! Reader

Warnings: I don't know....angst? As always, John Walker!?! AKA; Fake Cap. Umm...If I missed any let me know.

(A little PSA: I don't hate John Walker: or the actor. John is a well-written character. This is just strictly for the purpose of where my story is going. I'm more reiterating how Bucky treats him in the show. Thank you!!)

You groan, rolling from your left side to lay flatly on your back, arms spread out beside you. You inhale deeply, becoming aware of the moistened dirt and crushed wildflowers beneath you as they release their aromatics. Birds chirped around you, the busy sounds of traffic fading away while you lie still in the field, oxygen feeling heavy in your lungs.

"Y/N?!"

You barely heard the worrisome calls of Sam over the sound of your heart pounding in your ears. You lift your head, the view of icy mountains in the distance, blurry figures making their way towards you while you somehow managed to sit up. Your head was spinning, a sharp ache on the side of your thigh.

Your eyes flickered down, taking note of the small paring knife lodged in your thigh. You exhaled softly, nodding your head at the sight of it. "Okay," You grumble in agreement. With shaking hands, you wrap your fingers around the handle, bracing yourself by taking intervolved breaths before carefully pulling it from your thigh.

You worked fast, ignoring the crunch of rocks and dirt under the acknowledgeable footsteps of Sam and Bucky. Taking babochka, you cut off the end of your pant leg, wrapping the spandex around your wounded thigh before securing it with one of the holsters, tying the ends into a knot. You remain quiet, carefully pushing yourself up to your feet, transferring all of the weight to the opposite leg, eyes drifting up to meet the guys. "Are you guys okay?" You murmur, dusting off the clumps of dirt and dead leaves from your jacket.

"Are you?!" Sam exclaimed incredulously. "You're bleeding!" He points out, gesturing to the bright red staining the skin of your calf as it dripped down to your boot. The wrap might've held the wound shut, but that didn't mean blood wouldn't have soaked through.

"Oh, this?" You ask, glancing down at your leg, the wound throbbing in agony, but you did your best to avoid it. "I've had worse." That was true, from all those years fighting as an avenger. Getting shot, kicked, stabbed, beaten until you were purple, and undergoing mind control. This tiny stab was the least of your worries. It still hurt like hell, and you couldn't hide the discomfort in your features.

"Do you want a piggyback?" Bucky asks suddenly, slightly annoyed at your nonchalance and still concerned nonetheless. You weren't expecting it, the odd but kind offer, especially from the menace himself. Though you weren't one to pass up being carried. With a hesitant nod, you agree, watching Bucky crouch just a bit, allowing you to climb on his back.

The position was awkward for both of you. With his hands tightening on the back of your knees and your arms wrapped around his neck, neither of you could think straight. Yet, you were still thankful. The road to the airport was a long one, and you weren't sure if you could make it in your state. Bucky held you as if you weighed nothing, his super-soldier strength showing off while he carried you on his back, footsteps matching up with Sam. He didn't mind doing it, especially since he was the one who offered, and the proximity was just a bonus.

"Sorry about Redwing," Bucky muses, breaking the silence while the three of you sauntered down the empty road. There was nothing for miles, only empty plains of grass and dirt. Young trees scattered, lacking the greenery around them, evident of the cold weather in Munich.

"No, you're not," Sam remarks, narrowing his eyes to a pinprick at the winter soldier. "You've always hated Redwing."

"That doesn't mean I'm not sorry about it," Bucky grumbles, tightening his hold on you as he felt you slipping. You gasp at the sudden strength, clinging better to his shoulders as well. "How're you doin' up there?" He asks, jaw clenching from your touch.

"All things considering," You sigh, pushing aside the butterflies in your tummy at how close you were to Bucky. "I've been better. We've gotta find out where that super serum is coming from."

"Yeah," Sam chimed in, glancing at you. "-And how the hell after 80 years are there eight super-soldiers runnin' loose?"

Loud honks of a horn ring in your ears, tires treading on the gravel as an army jeep slows down beside the three of you. "So, that didn't go as planned, huh?" John chuckles, pushing the door open only for you to keep walking, paying no mind to the man in stars and stripes.

"Okay, keep going," John utters, signaling the driver to keep up as he pulls the door shut. "Look, at least we know what we're up against, huh? And I'm pretty sure it's one of the big three...so,"

"Aliens, androids, or wizards," Lemar comments as John nods his head in agreement.

"There's no such thing as wizards!" Bucky grunts, keeping his eyes forward, hands on the back of your knees.

"Fine, aliens or androids," John settles, sharing a look with his best friend beside him. "Look, it's 20 miles to the airport, and you guys need a ride. Gary, stop," He instructs, the wheels slowing down. John opens the door once again. "Get in," He sighs, motioning all of you inside the jeep as Bucky and Sam's footsteps came to a halt.

Bucky gently sets you down, taking note of the small whimpers falling from your lips. No matter how tough you appeared to be, you still carried so much vulnerability. "You okay?" He asks, eyes filled with so much concern it almost scared you. He hadn't looked at you like that in a while. "Do you want any help?"

With a soft nod, you oblige to Bucky's ask, needing more help than you anticipated. You didn't want to add any strain or force to your injury. You didn't even realize it happened, and that part of it was Sam's fault for swooping to grab you while you had a knife in hand, but you weren't going to start pointing fingers. You wrap your arm around Bucky's shoulder, using him as support while he boosts you up on the jeep after Sam climbs up first, helping you settle beside him.

"Woah!" John exclaims, almost rising to his feet at the sight of your thigh, your hands stained with blood. "Are you okay?"

With a curt nod, you adjust yourself to relieve some of the pressure while Bucky takes a seat on your left, leaving you to be right smack dab in the middle as he pulls the door shut. You blow out a breath, knowing damn well if it hadn't been for the mishap, you would've walked the damn 20 miles.

"Lemar, hand me the first aid kit," John instructs, pointing to the steel case beside his friend. You wanted to protest, but even you knew that the strap wasn't going to work. Mouthing a thank you, you take the case from Lemar's hand and clip it open.

"Okay, so we got eight super-soldiers on a bulk supply run," John continues, the jeep beginning to roll down the road. You hand the case to Sam, asking him to hold it while you searched for gauze, medical tape, and butterfly bandages, you were probably going to need stitches, but you'd worry about that later. "Why?" John asks, watching closely as you patched up your wound.

"They say their mission is to get things back to the way it was during the blip," Sam answers, handing you another strip of tape. "Maybe they're just tryna help."

"They had a funny way of showing it," Bucky adds, his eyes trained on you, a hiss slipping through your lips as you roll down the remaining spandex. You sigh in relief, the ache becoming dull as you shut the case, giving it back to Lemar.

"Better?" John asks, earning a single nod as a response. "I don't think we've properly met. John Walker," he smiles, offering a shake of his hand, but you didn't move, only staring at the outstretched palm in front of you. "Does she talk?" John mumbles suddenly, looking to Sam or Bucky for a reply.

Your eyes cast down, gaze hardening at the sight of the shield in his grasp. Flashes of Steve running through your mind, the many times he'd catch you trying to throw it like he would. Steve Rogers meant a lot to you, having joined him in not signing the Sokovian accords, being an outlaw, and helping to clear Bucky's name with Sam. So, seeing a man who wasn't Steve hold the shield awoke something in you. Something unkind and hateful.

"When she wants to," You claim, John squirms in his seat, sensing the tension as your eyes flicker to his. "And frankly has no desire to speak to you."

"You don't even know me," John defends, glancing at Bucky, a sly smirk on his lips, and Sam, who rendered quiet, his eyes looking elsewhere. John sets his attention back on you, lips razor thin.

You scoff, shaking your head softly as you fold your arms over your chest. "Jonathon F. Walker," You begin, leaning back in your seat, your eyes never leaving his. "Former Captain of the U.S Army's 75th Rangers Regiment. Graduated at the top of your class from the United States Military and the first person in American history to receive three medals of honor, ran RS-one missions in counterterrorism and hostage rescue."

John's tongue darts between his lips, a frown spreading throughout his forehead at the information you were giving him. Either you did research on him or, you just read his file, which you had done both. You were not one to go into a mission without potentially knowing who you were up against. It was better to be safe than sorry.

"So you saw the news?" John chuckles, the frown falling from his features while he shrugs. "Big deal, so did the entire world."

"Custer's Grove High school alumni."

John's smile falters.

"There you met, Lemar Hoskins and your current wife," You tilt your head in curiosity. "Olivia, right? Or am I getting it wrong?"

Clearing his throat softly, John broke eye contact with you. So you did know him, and you probably knew more than you led on. "Do they always just stare like that?" He gestures between you and Bucky, who had displayed the same distaste for him.

Sam glances beside him, observing the matched body language you shared with Bucky, its no wonder Bucky had taken a liking to you, even if he'd never admit it. "You get used to it," Sam smirks, turning his head back to Walker.

"Okay..." John drags, eyes flickering to the more sensible one of the trio, and that was Sam. "Look, that serum doesn't have the greatest track record, no offense," He waves his hand, dismissing the insult directed towards the only super-soldier in the car.

"We need to figure out where they're going. How'd you track 'em here?" Sam asks, "The flag smashers."

"Uh," Lemar murmurs, scratching the back of his head. "We didn't track them. We tracked you through Redwing."

"You hacked my tech!?" Sam gripes, straightening out his back as he sat up.

"Sorry," John laughs, "It's not exactly hacking. It's government property...kind of the government. Alright, you know things have gotten kind of..."

"Chaotic," Lemar adds.

"Yeah," John nods in agreement. "The GRC, they're doing their best to get things up and running smoothly post blip. If you guys teamed up with us-"

"No." Bucky interrupts. He couldn't let Walker finish that sentence.

"I've got mad respect for all of you," Lemar praises, looking between the trio before him. "But you were getting your asses kicked 'til we showed up."

"And who are you?" Bucky bemuses, cocking a brow at the man next to John.

"Lemar Hoskins," You mention, "I could've sworn we've been through this." You shake your head at the old man, for being 106, he couldn't hear a thing.

"I see a guy hanging out of a helicopter in tactical gear," Sam shrugs, "I'm gonna need a lot more than Lemar Hoskins."

"I'm Battlestar, John's partner."

"Battlestar?" Bucky repeats, narrowing his eyes at Lemar as he nods, confirming his alias. "Stop the car!" Bucky shouts suddenly, brakes screeching as the wheels come to a stop in the middle of the road. Bucky pulls open the handle, ducking, as to not rail his head on the bar-frame above him before hopping off the jeep.

"Look, I get it, okay?" John sighs, calling after Bucky. "I get the attitude, I do. You didn't think the shield was gonna end up here. I get it, Bucky. And I'm not trying to be Steve!"

"Good," You interject, rendering John to settle his eyes on you. "Because you will never be. And just because you're the one wielding it..." You grab the bar above your head, using it to pull yourself up. "It doesn't make you Captain America." And with that, you carefully jump off the jeep, following after the heated super-soldier.

Sighing in frustration, he rips his eyes away from your retreating figures. "I'm not trying to replace him either. I'm just trying to be the best Captain America I can be." He explains to Sam, hoping the falcon would cut him some slack. "-And it'd be a whole lot easier if I had Cap's wingman on my side."

Sam's eyes widen in surprise, his tongue darting between his lips. "It's always that last line," He scoffs, shaking his head as he jumped off the car, following you and Bucky.

John's lips thin out, face scrunching in a scowl. "Let's go," He instructs. The sound of the jeep leaving making its way to your ears.

[miss-kittys-magical-library]

Last Christmas

Word Count: 2372

Warnings: Mild violence and blood some angst or is it whomp?

A/N: This one was a fun write. I need to thank @robertsheehanownsmyass for being my sounding-board, always, and for helping me with ideas!  Chapter 1: God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman can be found here

Chapter 2: The Fairytale of New York

It's not that Violet meant to kill Nathan. Yet here she was, at 4:30 in the morning holding him on her apartment floor while he bled to death. Her lips brushed his freezing forehead as she adjusted his head in her lap.

Not very long before the murder, Violet woke with a start when she heard a door slam. She was drunk still from the never-ending fishbowl drinks bestowed upon her after the win. Brain fuzzy and the room spun as Violet got to her feet and rummaged through the nightstand.

She desperately searched for a missing piece and her kitchen knife. Was someone meant to be with her? Her body screamed with booze and adrenaline as she held the knife aloft venturing into the hallway.

Violet made her way to the living area. A throb grew in her ears that deafened the silence of her apartment. The night flashed before her eyes as her head swam.

How the liquor filled her goblet with just a point of his long finger. Which he told her wasn’t necessary. Just thinking about it often worked. Like how he thought the scantily clad shot girl could use bigger tits, so they inflated a size or two. The dude bro that wolf whistled at Violet and slapped her ass as she walked passed, his tongue literally fell out.

“It's MY job to sexually harass women, NOT yours!” he yelled over the techno. Then casually tossed the body part in the horrified man’s direction. “What's a matter,” he pouted his lips in a kiss, “Sexy bitch got your tongue?!”

Violet furrowed her brows now as she rubbed her pulsing temples. Had they danced? Out in the middle of the crowd, his hands on her waist as she leaned back into him. Both gyrating rhythmically to some rave remix of an 80s song.

“You are the weirdest shaped guy I've ever met!” Violet had shouted. “Like a muscular-armed stick bug”

The strobe lights flashed across his face as he strained to grasp this as an insult or compliment. Instead he took a chance and kissed Violet's neck. She let him.

There was, Violet remembered now, flirting in the back of a cab. She told him drunkenly he had Irish eyes and a green smile.

“No,” she shook her head and laughed. “Green eyes and an Irish smile?”

He laughed but smashed his face into Violet’s. His kisses were wet, sloppy. Too eager and childlike for someone in their twenties. Violet pointed that out as she wedged a hand between his face and her.

“Christ who taught you how to kiss?!” her hand squeezed his cheeks so that his mouth formed an O shape.

“M’maffs teach-a in yee-ah four,” he muffled.

“Your fourth grade teacher French kissed you?!”

“No!” he giggled “Year four, it’s. I was fifteen.”

“That's sexual assault!” Violet cried.

“Aww only if you don't want it to happen.” He tried to push his mouth into her again, but she literally ducked out of his way. Defeated, he gave up and the rest of the ride was silent.

Back in the present. Out of nowhere from behind, “Hey do you have any blank-”

It was quick. Shocking how easy it was to stab Nathan through the heart. How fate helped Violet sink the knife so deeply into him that her breasts met his bare chest before either understood what was going on.

Nathan’s lower jaw hung open as he started to grunt in pain. A dark pool of blood poured around the weapon. Stark contrast to his pale olive skin. He swayed but steadied himself on Violet’s arms. His demeanor changing instantly from panic to acceptance and his body relaxed.

Violet’s hand still around the knife as a lump formed in her throat. She scrambled out of his grip, sobs and pleas of forgiveness wracked her body as she struggled to find her phone.

“I've got.. to.. to.. to.. Call 9-1-1. It was an accident. Nathan. I'll get someone here-”

“NO!” he bellowed. “No, it'll be ok. I'll..” he winced. “Come back.”

“From what?! I STABBED YOU!”

“Death, sweetheart.” His Irish accent makes the A R sound like the word “Air.” “I've been stabbed in the heart (h-air-t) by women before, but I've never been..” Nathan gesticulated to the knife in his chest.

“ARE YOU MAKING A FUCKING JOKE?! YOU'RE DYING! Oh my God,” Violet’s knees began to buckle but she caught herself on the counter.

“I'm immortal. Christ t’is fucking hurts.” Nathan struggled to breathe. “Was impaled twice. Beat t’death once. I'll be good.”

He continued, “C’mon Vi, give us a hand,” he instructed. His shaking hand unable to grip the hilt of the knife protruding from his chest. “I'll die quicker this way. be back half past or so”

It was so matter of fact. “Pride goeth before the fall” Violet thought.

A cheeky grin deepened the dimples in Nathan’s cheeks as Violet took the carving knife out of his chest. Blood had spilled unexpectedly down the corners of his lips while he slid down the wall. Violet tried her best to catch him. To soften the blow between man and hardwood, but Nathan folded like the scarecrow coming off his pole.

Even more present:

“Joyeux Noël, Violet. You've Committed your first involuntary manslaughter.” Warm tears poured down her cheeks onto Nathan’s face.

Her legs were sticky with his coppery blood, but she kept marveling when her world soon grew quiet without his smart mouth and witty retorts. There was only a faint gurgle of blood that filled his mouth and lungs. How beautiful Nathan would always be to her in this moment because immortality was for vampires and mythology.

She would never forgive him either. It took longer than Nathan insisted, heart still pumped dark crimson into her hand used as a piss-poor tourniquet. But the beating slowed to a stop as Violet absently combed her fingers through his thick hair to soothe her exhausted body into a fitful sleep.

This time it was the heady smell of eggs and sausage that roused Violet from her sleep.

There was humming and singing in a language she didn't know as someone rattled about in the cupboards.

One hand over her eyes, head felt like someone bashed it repeatedly with a drumstick, she came to life. Her mind grabbed at flashes of kisses and a knife and Nathan being dead. The hallway, but this was her couch?

Suddenly she sat straight up, “OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!” Violet's hands and bare thighs were caked in dry blood. She flew off the couch and went to Make it down the hall to the guestroom. But instead she slipped and fell in the coagulated mess on the hardwood floor

“Aw yep,” a harsh Irish lilt quipped from the kitchen. “I meant t’clean that up before ya woke, but I wasn't sure where the supplies were.”

Violet simply laid down on her floor, defeated. “I killed you,” she whispered.

Nathan appeared above her. His shaggy hair fell across his forehead and the goatee and mustache Violet swore he had shaved was back. He consciously fumbled to button his dress shirt that she was certain he wasn't wearing as he lay in her arms.

“You were in your underwear. You were bleeding to death last night in your underwear only,” she sat up grimacing at her blood caked hair.

“I cleaned up the best I could. Told ye it would be half five when I came to. Didn't wanna leave ye on the floor, so I carried ye t’the sofa. Sorta did a bit o’the whore’s bath in your sink.” Nathan mimed washing his body, “Not really comfortable with the whole showering in a strange bird’s gaff without permission.”

Violet stumbled to her feet with Nathan’s help. His reflex to catch her as she slid again in the mess was quick. Their chests pressed together again. His skin against hers as she clung to the seams of his shirt to balance herself. Violet's face flushed. From a hangover or how warm Nathan was. Alive.

“I ran you through with a carving knife. You died in my lap. You turned ice cold and had purple lips and I thought to myself how many times I asked you if you ever shut up.”

“Only when I'm dead,” Nathan absently stroked her hair. Large hand gently rubbed her back and took a chance at getting a squeeze of her ass.

Violet ignored what Nathan did and refused to look at him. Not in those ever changing eyes anyway. Instead she placed her hand flat on Nathan's smooth, if not slightly stained, chest. No gaping wound, heartbeat steady.

Violet's own heart pounded in her ears as the adrenaline from touching him raced through her veins. There was no denying that he was just as beautiful alive.

And no denying that Nathan eagerly tried to crash his mouth into hers, but Violet swerved. “Are those my underwear!?”

Nathan stepped back to pop his shirt up and push his own backside in her direction. “Mine were ruined,” he rubbed himself and bit his entire bottom lip. “Oi they're soft and make my ass look great.” He slapped it for good measure.

“I like you better dead"

Nathan sneered sarcastically and rolled his eyes. His lips moved with no sound coming out but baby babble. "See if I make YOU breakfast again!”

A hot shower and clean clothes later, Violet climbed onto one of the stools at the kitchen island. Her houseguest sat a plate of food and a mug of tea in front of her

“Found some peppermint. Mum says that helps with a hangover.” Dimpled grin before he turned around to finish cleaning up her kitchen.

“Oh,” Violet was taken aback by his thoughtfulness. “Thank you,” she meant it. “Hey! You’re not using magic.”

“Nooo. I'll use it sparingly until I have to give it back. Been right fucking fun while it’s lasted.”

“You’re cleaning my kitchen.”

“Yeah? If you tell us where some brushes and such are, I'll clean the floor next.”

Violet felt a pleasure seep into her bones as she sipped the hot tea. It was nice to have someone to look after her for once. She had time to really watch as Nathan scrubbed the pans he used. She took notice of him biting a cuticle or chewing skin off his lip as he carefully searched her drawers for a towel. He flitted about kind of like a hummingbird; never staying still long enough between tasks.

“Nathan you don't have to do any of this. I know it's just a layover until you're back in London. I The situation isn't exactly ideal. Now that I murdered you, isn't it fucking weird?” Violet questioned around a mouthful of food.

He faced Violet while drying the dishes. “Nah. Been killed loads of times. Impaled twice. Sewer pipe. Metal picket fence. Then had my head bashed in. Stabbed in the heart by a beautiful girl who is a bit dodgy about me kissing her is tops now!” A bright smile crept across his face.

“why are you cleaning then?”

Nathan scratched the back of his head in thought, “Well, so ye don't have t’remember I was ever here.”

Violet’s mouth hung open but she closed it quickly. “Who the fuck would ever want to forget you?” She started to laugh, “I watched your anger literally explode in hundreds of rabbits. I probably drank a hundred bucks of liquor for free. You took a guy’s tongue out for slapping my ass. And you're..”

Nathan leaned on the island top with his chin in one hand, “Immortal?” He wiggled his eyebrows seductively.

“An Irish prick,” Violet cocked her own eyebrow in return. Nathan pouted.

“I've gotta go to the casino. I know someone in the back of the house who found all of your shit. Please just stay here. Can you do that?” She got up to get a bucket and cleaning supplies from the closet.

“Do you know how many movies start with someone saying don't move?!” There was a gleam in his bright green eyes.

“Nathan, I mean it!” she commanded from the bedroom. “I have to go Christmas shopping too. Jesus it's Christmas eve.” She hobbled back into the living room trying to pull a shoe on.

“Fine. But if I find porn anywhere and have a wank out of boredom, that's on you lady!” He mimicked masturbating in her direction.

Violet’s face contorted in disgust as she threw on a leather jacket. “Grow up.”

“Tried that. She ran away with all the money, and I went to prison. When do I meet mum and dad?” shit-eating grin

“They're dead.”

Nathan’s face fell. For once he was momentarily speechless. “My step-dad’s a dog.”

Violet's hand was on her doorknob, but she paused. “Wait.. Like cheats on your mom dog?”

“More like turns into a naked Jack Russell at night with his massive cock out all over town.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“So much. T’anks for asking!” Nathan grabbed Violet by the wrist. He spun his finger in a circle ever so slightly. “Just a bit o’ Christmas magic before you go?”

Violet gasped as a sprig of mistletoe manifested itself above them. A bough of pine spread on either side of the doorway wrapped in tinsel. Little white lights started to twinkle from inside.

“Nathan, it’s beau-” but Violet was interrupted by his mouth covering hers again.

He was softer this time as his hands gripped her waist. His tongue gently slid into her mouth and Violet accepted it. Her body relaxed into him as their lips moved on instinct. But she found herself as quickly as she had gotten lost. She managed to wedge her hands between their bodies so she could push herself away.

“No. Nope. We can't do this. You're leaving the day after tomorrow, and I'm not a fucking Hallmark Christmas movie.”

Nathan brushed his nose against Violet's forehead, “I think it's too late for that.” But she turned abruptly and left him cold by the front door.

“Make yourself at home, okay?” Was all she shouted from the other side of the door.

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/4/2020: SOCIETY

Without having a survey to back me up, I feel comfortable asserting that as a horror fan, you go through different phases with SOCIETY. It’s a basic fact of life, and yet it morphs and mutates underneath you, shocking you anew just when you think you’ve got a grip on it. You never forget your first time, because there is simply nothing like it. Then, after you get over the initial shock of its patented brand of body horror, you start to take it for granted; it's so broad and monolithic that it becomes something like the Grand Canyon--when it’s not right there in front of you, you begin to experience it more iconically, as part of the wallpaper of existence, rather than an in-your-face confrontation with the limits of experience. Then, you revisit it every few years (or months, depending on what sort of person you are), and the prophylactic layer that your brain has wrapped around your memories of it--the one that allows you to think of SOCIETY as a fun, wacky cheap thrill--begins to crumble, and you realize all over again how iconoclastically vile it is. Wherever you happen to be at, with this inimitable genre landmark, you'd be hard pressed to deny that it earns its royal status among horror movies, just for being so uniquely fucked up.

Filmmaker Brian Yuzna is best known as the co-creator of the indispensable RE-ANIMATOR (or as the co-writer of HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS...depending on what sort of person you are, again), itself a milestone achievement in the blending of sex and gore that so characterized '80s horror production. That film clearly brought out the best in Yuzna and frequent collaborator Stuart Gordon (also of HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS fame...among other things), but it's interesting to see how they operate apart, to understand the unique ingredients that each filmmaker brought to the more perfect union of their classic Lovecraft adaptation. Gordon skewed darker and more intellectual, as evidenced by the end of his career with the shattering mob thriller KING OF THE ANTS, the disturbing true crime drama STUCK, and the Mamet-penned EDMOND. Yuzna, for his part, is almost anti-intellectual, preferring to cook up blackly comic, semi-pornographic nightmares like his two increasingly horny RE-ANIMATOR sequels, the terminal S&M fantasy RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD 3, and the shamelessly hokey comic book adaptation FAUST: LOVE OF THE DAMNED. Yuzna's lack of shame is really his defining feature as an artist, and nowhere is this more obvious than in his directorial debut and signature masterpiece, SOCIETY.

Salvador Dali's "The Great Masturbator," a chief visual inspiration for SOCIETY.

Yuzna was able to leverage the success of RE-ANIMATOR to lock in two directorial opportunities, BRIDE OF RE-ANIMATOR, and a bizarre body horror exercise about a Beverly Hills orphan who discovers that not only are his adoptive family from a different bloodline, but they're not even from the same species. That both pictures employed the writing team of Woody Keith and Rick Fry gives you a little taste of what to expect from SOCIETY, but to be frank, the latter threatens to make the former look like a very special episode of ER; "overkill" barely begins to describe SOCIETY’s ambitious assault on the human body. In a recent interview, the philipino-american director giggles perversely, "I think my friends were a little embarrassed for me (when they saw SOCIETY)," and this sound bite reminded me that the last, most important ingredient that Yuzna contributes to any project is unabashed joy. It's a little hard to imagine stomaching SOCIETY without it.

In this unusual scene from the class struggle in Beverly Hills, Billy Warlock (son of HALLOWEEN 2's Michael Myers, Dick Warlock) plays Bill Whitney, a rich, handsome, athletic high school student with a heavy duty anxiety disorder. Although he appears to have it all, he is plagued by nightmares and hallucinations, reflecting suspicions that the family that spoils him is also out to get him. Perhaps this is all understandable, though. Bill is under a lot of pressure these days, with his parents devoting all of their attention to his sister's coming out party, and his narcissistic girlfriend pushing him to ingratiate himself to the assholes higher up the social ladder; it's enough to make any teenager feel alienated and insecure. But, do these garden variety anxieties account for his visions of his sister's body deforming itself unnaturally, or the dubious evidence he finds that her debutante ball involves incestuous orgies and human sacrifice? Is Bill simply crumbling under the strain of societal expectations, or is the friction with his shrink, his parents, and his peers all symptomatic of an elaborate plot against him by elites who are truly less than human?

I can’t believe they use this cheapo blanket trick MORE THAN ONCE in a movie that is famous for its unforgettable special effects, and I guess I kind of love it.

In case I haven't made the answer abundantly obvious, I'll add that while SOCIETY is the purest expression of Yuzna-ness on the market, it has an important co-author in Screaming Mad George. The eccentric japanese FX master, whose name is apparently an amalgamation of Mad Magazine, Screamin' Jay Hawkins, and...George, has produced some of horror's most outrageous makeup and visual effects, mostly for Yuzna, many of them in SOCIETY. If you've seen even a trailer for Alex Winter's 1993 oddity FREAKED--which is itself a grossout criticism of American social standards--then you are already familiar with SMG's trademark style. He specializes in twisted perversions of the human form that would make a cenobite blush, driven by a penchant for puns, and influenced equally by THE THING's Rob Botin, and Big Daddy Roth’s Rat Fink style. Screaming Mad George is instrumental in articulating Yuzna's premise: that behind the shimmering veneer of success and sophistication, the upper class are just a bunch of degenerates, who literally degenerate into something unimaginable behind closed doors. It's impossible to imagine SOCIETY without his sinuous, slithering monstrosities, or his indescribable realization of their most important social event, "the shunt".

One of many great images from a zine I wish I owned, on SMG’s Facebook page.

It's easy to get overwhelmed by SOCIETY's visual impact, but its message is just as potent now as it was at the end of the Reagan era: Rich people are not only different from the rest of us, but in fact, they aren't even human. Writers Keith and Fry make an interesting choice of hero to help put this across. A lazier writer would have selected any archetype from the Freaks and Geeks set to create an easy Us vs Them tension, but SOCIETY is led by a promising young man who, for reasons he himself does not yet understand, is just not "the right kind of people". Bill appears to have every advantage in life, including a level of popularity that wins him presidency of the debate team despite his nerdier rival’s superior prowess--and yet, he suffers from a stigmatizing psychiatric disorder that is the natural result of feeling indefinably different from one's peers, and intuiting that, as a consequence, they don't even really like you. The shallow jock with deep-seated emotional problems is a much more interesting protagonist for this kind of social allegory than the charismatic outcasts that you get in movies like THE FACULTY and DISTURBING BEHAVIOR, for whom the idea that the elites could be aliens is just de rigueur.

It's worth noting that this complexity of character extends to Bill's love interest, sympathetic society girl Clarissa Carlyn (Playboy Playmate Devin DeVasquez). At first, she seems villainously eager to introduce Bill to the many splendors of "the shunting", but as the plot against him mounts to its horrifying conclusion, she defects. There appears to be a reason for this, although honestly, this is the most difficult part of SOCIETY for me to wrap my head around. Clarissa lives as an essentially independent adult, only burdened by her mother (Pamela Matheson), a possibly brain damaged hulk who lurks in and out of various scenes just to be disturbing, always announced by some toots on a tuba, before eventually siding with our heroes. I'm really not sure what's supposed to be going on in this part of the movie, except that this character contributes to a number of distasteful jokes. But, I hold on to the idea that by virtue of whatever disorder Mrs. Carlyn suffers from, she serves the purpose of priming Clarissa to rebel, since her very existence makes her daughter something of a societal outcast herself. That's the best I can do.

In any case, everyone working on SOCIETY commits completely, with Mrs. Carlyn being no exception. The movie's climactic orgy of the damned is an all hands on deck operation, just as reliant on Screaming Mad George's artistic abilities as it is on the actors' responsibility to make you believe that this fucked up shit is really happening. There's a visceral patina of sleaze spread over the entire film, dripping from the way that characters talk to and touch each other, flirting and flaunting their bodies in a distinctly unseemly fashion, even when it stays within the realm of mundane reality. This constant sinister, insinuating attitude on the part of the whole cast lays the foundation for what is to come, and while I appreciate everybody's hard work, my favorite performance is from an actor who only comes in at the very end: David Wiley as society king Judge Carter. Wiley's career consisted almost exclusively of the most ordinary sort of television work, which makes his outrageous turn in this alien porno flick all the more respectable. While other characters transition from suspicious pod people to full-on mutated perverts, Judge Carter has to show up just for the finale, establish his authority, rip off his clothes, and plunge straight into a sea of slime, happily fisting his way through the cast. Wiley meets this challenge with aplomb, making of himself a hybrid of Robert Englund and Gene Hackman, perfectly embodying the movie's joyful absurdity, and never betraying the slightest hint of embarrassment. 

SOCIETY is very much a don't-look-down type of endeavor, a fairy that could expire at the slightest lapse in faith. There's a visual pun in the last act that's so gross, so offensive, so frankly idiotic, that I don't have the courage to describe it; my whole body tenses up when I know this scene is coming, as if it were the meat hook scene in TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE or the brutal rape in the middle of SHOWGIRLS. I don't like it, but at the same time, I respect Yuzna's unhesitating commitment to show it to me, and I think that actor Charles Lucia should get some kind of award for shouldering the burden so valiantly. SOCIETY is a daring movie in the truest sense, a film with more balls than brains, and in this it exposes the limitation of intelligence and taste, and the real need for pure transgression, in producing art of any real value. You might argue with me about whether Yuzna's masturbatory magnum opus really qualifies as art, but to respond to that, I'll quote the great transgressor Alejandro Jodorowsky: "If you are great, EL TOPO is a great picture. If you are limited, EL TOPO is limited." So stick that in your shunt and smoke it.

PS Here, have this stuck in your head for the rest of your life.

[movienotesbyzawmer]

April 6: Rocky

I have learned that the six Rocky movies (so all of the Rocky ones but not the Creed movies) are available on HBO Max. I was looking for a new watch-and-take-notes-and-post-the-notes project, so yo. Check it.

I've seen all six of these movies. I saw most of this one in the theater, like, back then! I was terribly terribly young! Maybe 7. I remember my friend Greg really wanted to see it, but our parents wouldn't let us. So we had them drop us off to see Capricorn One, but Greg made us sneak in to watch Rocky instead. He was so excited about it he wanted to play-punch afterward, but it hurt and I didn't like play-punch. I also didn't care about the movie. You know what movie is decent, though? Capricorn One. Although the supporting performance from O.J. Simpson might throw ya.

Anyway, since its release the reputation of this movie has remained very strong. It won Best Picture in an extremely competitive year. It is very much the Rocky Balboa of that year's awards contenders! But I'm pretty sure I'm going to be watching this first movie and admiring its scrappiness, then watching the subsequent ones and rolling my eyes at their formulaic-ness.

The opening fanfare sets the atmosphere really awesomely actually.

Oh also I don't care at all for boxing. And yet it seems like the idea of it is good drama fodder, I mean the idea of a sport of just two people punching each other until one of them is the winner at that.

So the first scene is a boxing match in a little church somewhere. Some people are in attendance who apparently like to pass the time watching punching. Rocky is bloody and hangdog. After the fight, which Rocky won, both fighters convalesce next to each other in a back room, kind of indifferently. But we have learned that punch-sport is a part of Christian life.

Rocky walks home through the gritty streets, past his friends who sing rudimentary a capella music on a street corner. They should work on the complexity of their harmonies.

Rocky is home and his home is gritty also. Atmosphere. He has a tank with animals in it. I cannot tell what the animals are. He talks to them. Personality.

He has a mirror he looks at and the mirror is decorated with pictures of Young Sylvester Stallone. They are totally pictures of him as a boy and young man. But Sylvester Stallone was not in character as Rocky Balboa when he took those pictures. It is a little jarring.

At the pet store the next day we are introduced to Adrian. That is the spelling, I checked. She is very very very shy-acting. The director told her to act shy, and she was like OH I'M GOING TO MEET AND EXCEED THOSE EXPECTATIONS.

Rocky's next stop is The Docks. I am surprised that Philadelphia has a dock area with such large ships, but I guess that's real. But I'm also surprised that he's there on the business of being the muscle for a loan shark. I didn't remember about that side of Rocky's complex, complex personality.

That scene just ended with a very 80s-teen-movie moment; a fellow thug rolled down his window and bullyingly yelled, "so long, meatbag!" We feel so bad that Rocky doesn't have the respect of his coworkers in the loan shark gang.

After getting dressed down by his gangster colleagues, he then goes to his gym and there's this whole thing about how the coach guy is so sick of Rocky's boxing mediocrity that they gave someone else his locker. It seems like that wouldn't happen. On his way out, the other boxer taunts him by saying he's pumped to be in receipt of Rocky's locker which is a very fine locker. We saw it, though. It was just a locker.

Adrian again. Broad caricature of an introverted person. I don't buy it maybe. Then a scene in a bar and the conversation with the bartender is also dumb fakey acting.

He later came upon a bunch of jerks on a corner, but among them was an awkward teenage girl that he knows. He makes her leave with him and tries to give him avuncular advice, but that scene ends with her telling him, "screw you creepo!" The exposition of this movie has a very opaque strategy.

0:30:00 - A scene with Apollo Creed does some more very unnatural exposition, setting up the premise that some local underdog is going to get a chance to fight him. This doesn't seem like an acclaimed movie. This seems like a scene in a cheap romance movie where the Handsome Man confesses to his best friend that what he's really looking for in a woman is someone not so pretty.

AC is flipping through a straight-up book, looking for a good boxer to fight on January 1, 1976, to celebrate the bicentennial. I'm a little "wha?" about some of this. He chooses Rocky Balboa because of his catchy "Italian Stallion" nickname and remember because Columbus was Italian so

Rocky and Adrian go on a date. It's Thanksgiving but that happens anyway. It does not bristle with romantic energy. It reeks of social obligations. It seems like the beginning of the kind of loveless relationship your grandparents began in the 1940s in their dustbowl-decimated agrarian community.

They are back at his little shithole apartment and he is a persistent man and I do not root for this relationship.

Things escalated kind of quickly. Rocky got invited to an agent guy's fancy office and offered a chance to fight for the World Heavyweight Championship. The next scene, everyone knows about it and he's on TV. He seems like a dumb lug. How can he possibly succeed. Good job contrasting his character with the big celebrity, though.

Burges Meredith is oddly appealing as this surly, pirate-talking boxer-coach-manager guy. He comes to Rocky's apartment sucking up, and Rocky isn't receptive, I'm pretty much buying BM's different emotions, and Rocky's.

1:11:24 - Pretty sure my friend and I talked a lot about this scene when we saw it back then, he fills a glass with raw eggs and drinks it up. All one shot, baby.

This scene with Paulie, Adrian's brother who is Rocky's friend, I don't like. Paulie is a bad friend. That scene ends with Rocky beating up pig carcasses. They should have just had that part.

His hands are bloody when he punches the meat things. That's his blood, right? That's not like animal flesh?

We just had a very melodramatic scene with Rocky and Adrian and Pauly, and Pauly just went nuts. This time, at least, Rocky and Adrian react to him the way you'd think people normally would.

1:30:55 - Famous training montage. I think as this movie series progresses these montages get more stylish. As it is, it's going for just a rousing moment of "he seems confident as he trains", as the music pumps you up with the profound lyrics, "trying hard now" and "getting strong now".

They have actually explained almost nothing about the specifics of boxing. I realize that now as Rocky says "no one has ever gone the distance with Creed". Which I think means something about going all 15 rounds, right? But the point is that I haven't had to hear much about stuff like that, and I honestly don't mind that.

1:44:30 - Ew, some actually kind of bad stock footage of the crowd at the fight. Oh, but then a cameo by actual Joe Frazier, probably.

As the fight begins I gotta say I have been effectively made to root for this underdog hero. I've been indifferent to most of the movie so far, and I'm indifferent to boxing, but ferrealz I'm excited to watch this fight.

It's cinematic with lots of angles that you don't see when you're watching actual fights (I assume), but also the actual fight-acting by Stallone and Carl Weathers seems like they're getting it right. That can't be easy, right? I mean, it's punching! Faces!

1:54:11 - Oh shit I remember this ahhhhhh his eye his eye, his EYE is swollen shut and he tells them to cut it open! That, like, what? He's going to go back out and fight with his eyelid literally slashed open WHAT

They weren't even that careful doing that slice

I thought they would be relying more on the commentators as narrators to tell us what to feel, but it's really all the cinematic storytelling that is getting it done.

But the aftermath of the fight is like opera, everyone is passionate and yelling and it doesn't work on me as well as it must for most people. I don't even exactly get what the outcome of the fight is (partly because I don't understand boxing). But that's the point, at least a little bit; in the heat of passion he just wants to tell Adrian that he loves her. That works well for this movie. And the way it just ends in that swirl of excitement, no denouement, it's really effective.

So overall there are lots of things about this movie that I don't care for, but there are some things to appreciate. It's not a fancy movie, but it seems like they did a particularly good job with the final boxing match feeling like exciting movie drama while also seeming like authentic boxing. As if I know anything about authentic boxing.

I don't agree that it should have won Best Picture over Network, All the President's Men, and Taxi Driver.

One last observation: looking back, I'm pretty sure that scene with the teenage girl is a result of the observation that the movie greatly lacks females.

(next: Rocky II)

[noramoya]

• TrayC — I love to tour.

“HI, MJ FAM . I POSTED ABOUT THIS IN THE MJ MISCELLANEOUS THREAD BUT AFTER SPEAKING TO ANOTHER FONT IN DM, THOUGHT IT WOULD BE BETTER TO CREATE A THREAD SO MORE PEOPLE CAN BE AWARE. I AM NOT ABLE TO POST THE TWEET IN WUESTION BECAUSE IT WOULD BE AGAINST LSA RULES.

BACKGROUND FOR THOSE WHO DON’T KNOW : Pearl Jr is a 'journalist' who states she has evidence that MJ faked his death. She has made 3 DVD's with her 'evidence' which she sells to naive fans. One of her main arguments is that she's spent thousands of hours on the phone to Michael himself, who she claims is Peter. Peter comes to this site to try to recruit people for his own forum. I don't think he has claimed he is MJ but he does creepy stuff like posting collections of rare memorabilia (which some people think is stolen), and mimicks MJs voice. (He sounds ridiculous but this has not stopped Pearl and thousands of lonely, vulnerable women into thinking that it's MJ). He has not disputed Pearls claims. He goes on live chats on his forum and many of these women seem to think they are in some kind of personal relationship with him. He has fairly large followings on twitter, facebook and his forum. Both of these people, in my opinion, are batshit. A few years ago, a group of fans exposed who he really was, a guy who has spends his life mimicking MJ. This is the first time I think he has been exposed in a live chat. What happened (what I posted in the other thread):

'PETER' WAS DOING A LIVE CHAT AND HE, ACCIDENTALLY, FLIPPED HIS PHONE AND SHOWED HIMSELF TO BE THE OVERWEIGHT IMPOSTER THAT HE IS. HE THEN TRIED TO DELETE THE EVIDENCE BUT ONE OF HIS FOLLOWERS SNAPPED IT AND PUT IT ON TWITTER. IT’S STILL THERE BUT I WONT POST IT HERE . PEARL JR. OF COURSE IS NOW SAYING THAT IT’S MJ’S DISGUISE. LOL! SHE GOT TO GET HER INVESTMENT BACK SOMEHOW, I GUESS. The twitter user who posted this is someone who believed Pearl and her purchased DVDs apparently.” — April 29, 2018.

• Xscape —*The dark thoughts in your head*

“TrayC, Thank you so much for bringing this info out in the open. This has truly gone on way too long.

It is the intent of Peter Midani and his followers to throw Pearl Jr under the bus, claiming she is the only one responsible, but Make no mistake.. Peter Midani admitted on LSA to giving her permission to share their conversations so he knew very well what she was saying and promoting.

I know people who buy into this whole labor of love lie but hear me out. If Michael was discovered alive by the mainstream, what would happen.. Especially to the person he decided to reach out and go public to... That person is set for life... For bringing Michael back to the world. Seventy five thousand dollars is chump change compared to millions and millions of potential income if the risk panned out.

Pearl may be crazy but She ain't stupid. And Using the argument of being biased against Peter for sounding similar to Michael to certain people, again is not logical when 99.9% of impersonators and tribute artists have no qualms nor problem about their real identity known and, in fact prefers that, so no misunderstanding happens. Peter uses his Michael like voice to seduce young girls who are MJ fans into cyber or phone sex with him. Plus, because of what Pearl Jr has promoted him as, they think they are involved with Michael, in a secret life.

Please... It's fake ! Glad to see him busted, although I am sure another claim of being hacked and stolen identity will come up. And these people buy it because they're that desperate thinking they are close to Michael somehow, even when its not him . Crazy ! Also, He supports Shana ! Thanks again Tray C :) Thanks Thanks 🙏🏼 Hugs! Hugs! — April 29, 2018. “

• SellingOutSouls — 24KCoughDrop

“I wouldn’t really worry about it. The very few stans that give her the time of day are usually from foreign countries and struggle to understand English.” — 04/29/2018.

• TrayC — I love to tour .

“Yeah, you're probably right. I'm more concerned about the 12k people that follow Peter tbh. Many of them young girls ... “. — April 29, 2018.

• Xscape — *The dark thoughts in your head*

“This is the Pearl Jr of “Wink wink.Nod nod... Michael Jackson is Alive” and Peter Midani is Michael Jackson on various platforms. I only point her out because, for a friend, Midani is a lousy one, willing to throw her under the bus for this when he gave his permission and has seen her videos. He knows what she sells ! In other words, They’re both in it, like peas in a pod ! — April 29, 2018.”

• Angels777 — Well-Known Member

Thank you @TrayC

This does deserve it's own thread for people who either aren't aware of the con-game Pearl Jr and Peter Midani have going on, or who support them and may need their eyes opened. It's so sad that some fans of MJ still continue to fall victim of shenanigans such as this. The best way to show them is to expose them.” — April 29, 2018.

• awsomegirl015 — Minding your business

“Why is it that people constantly think celebrities fake their deaths? Now Tupac is somewhat believable because there was never a real autopsy done. But I doubt Michael is still alive. The whole world saw his funeral”. — April 29, 2018 .

• TrayC — I love to your.

“Because some people find it hard to accept when their fav dies. Especially if they are still young or if under suspicious circumstances. To be clear, I don't care what people believe. I personally enjoy watching videos about conspiracy theories. I do have a problem with manipulation and scamming which I believe is the case here.” 04/29/2018.

• Xscape — *The dark thoughts in your head*

ROTFLMAO... Let's not give Peter Midani any real followers, Man ! Actually, It is hard to understand ! These young girls and followers think they are protecting and being loyal to Michael Jackson here ! Now, we know this is nonsense... Especially now . But they are convinced, so they are loyal, thinking they are standing up for Michael Jackson , secretly ! This person almost caused the collapse of another MJ fan board with this act, and I know of two girls he flirted with, who absolutely thought this was Michael Jackson ! And this happened when Michael was still living ! Just know.. The two young women I knew were devastated when everything fell apart. They loved him as Michael and it was a betrayal when he turned out not to be, or they began to have doubts. Then, Michael was murdered. How would you feel being unable to confirm or deny you knew someone. Chatted with someone.. And they may be dead ? These people didn't have the truth and no place to go to find it ! The truth is coming out, but it cannot be placed all on Gaz. Now is the time to take a stand and spread this message or share your experiences if you are familiar with this situation. Secrets only keep the lie going, with people getting coin in their pockets off MJ fans ! Let's take back our fan base for each other ! Time for the crap to go ! “. — April 29, 2018 .

• Angels777 — Well-Known Member

ABOUT : Leogirl817 said:’ I don't know how this woman can function in her everyday life!’

“She's obsessed ! Her whole life revolves around this scam. Either she thinks Michael is in the car with Prince following her, or she thinks she talks to Michael on the phone all the time.She screams about talking to Michael (Peter Midani) for over ONE THOUSAND HOURS so she knows he's alive. If you challenge her, she gets smart with you and basically degrades you by calling you names and tells you if you don't believe her then get off her page. She insists that Peter is Michael and continues to do so, even after his real face was recently exposed yet again. Talk about crazy 😜! “ — April 29, 2018.

• SellingOutSouls — 24K CoughDrops

“Woah...WHAT HAPPENED TO GAZ?!! “. — 04/29/2018 .

• Xscape — *The dark thoughts in your head*

“Gaz? He is fine, as far as I know. I don't know him well... I said as I did, because it was like there was a time he was fighting this alone... There just hasn't been much of a system in place for such victims to be able to find the truth and hopefully healing ! Instead, these people are often met with ridicule because they are hard to convince. Letting Peter Midani go, means letting Michael Jackson go, for them... So they stay silent and in the limbo .” — April 29, 2018 .

• SellingOutSouls — 24K CoughDrops.

“I find it incredibly hard to believe people would dismiss GAZ, regarding anything because, despite his falling out with some of his members on MJJC, he’s still held with high regard ! Last I had heard he had exposed Peter Midani as a fraud and the sane majority of the fan base believe GAZ. I honestly feel like regardless of Peter existing or not there’s ALWAYS going to be beLIEvers among us. No matter how hard we try or how many frauds we expose there will still be those who choose to believe in the false hope of Michael being alive. I mean you still have people that number in the thousands that believe Elvis is alive, even though the chances of somebody with the type of health issues Elvis had wouldn’t likely make it into their 80s are slim.” — 04/29/2018 .

• Xscape — *The dark thoughts in your head*

“You're right Selling. Frauds exist. Scams get uncovered... I don't know how these people truthfully face themselves with the way they con people ! Gaz is fine . He still fights the good fight. My statement was about the fact Midani has been doing this, ever since before Michael Jackson died, and Burned a few bridges forcefully with nobody knowing the full truth of who he was ... So these girls were conflicted even more, when Michael was murdered.” — 04/29/20018 .

• BestOfJoy — Well-Known Member

“I think some people are missing the point here. It's not about people believing Michael is or is not alive. The issue here is that "Peter Midani” has been pretending to be Michael for years... going all the way back to MySpace days.He has lured young women (many who are under age) in to believing he is Michael and, in doing so , these young girls have shared very personal information with him- pictures, their address, phone number, etc. I'd like to direct everyone to MJJC's official statement made in 2014 about Peter: OFFICIAL STATEMENT OF MJJCOMMUNITY TO THE MICHAEL JACKSON FANS, RE : "Peter Midani" (Bobby Anderson) .” — April 29, 2018 .

• SellingOutSouls — 24K CoughDrops

“I understand. The problem is, our hands are tied because, these people have been given facts upon facts to prove he’s a fraud, and people still choose to believe in him. You can’t help those who refuse to be helped. I spent a good 5-6 years, after Michael died , trying to keep fellow fans from falling for the schemes and lies of frauds, but eventually realized that, if people refuse to consider the facts they are given to stop supporting these schemers, then they’re getting exactly what they’ve bargained for ! How many frauds have been exposed in the last 9 years alone and, yet, you still have naive MJ fans that refuse to use some common sense and research things, before giving people their trust and many times their hard earned money?Just look at how many dumb ass fans still follow Karen Faye despite the AEG trial exposing her for the “backstabbing c*nt” that she is ! Perhaps it’s because I’ve already reached my limits with age, but I just don’t have the time or energy to keep trying to pull these people’s heads out of the sand to force feed these people the truth, regarding the frauds among the fan community.” — April 29, 2018 .

• CHLOEXHALLE — Public Relations Agent & Lawyer.

“This shit is gonna be in history books about Michael. Mark my words. The "twin soul" shit too. I need to know why MJ fans (particularly women) are always so fucking stupid to believe shit like this ?! And it has nothing to do with age cause some of these people are over 25, and even as old as 40. Edit: Anyway I remember Pearl J from my early Twitter days. The bish was nuts then. I'm surprised she's still going over 6 years later !” — April 29, 2018.

• Xscape — *The dark thoughts in your head*

“In my opinion, I think if one focuses on trying to push anything down another's throat, It will fail. Knowledge is power and can help those people who actually DO want the truth and need support. Like Pearl Jr , for example. Her response was the frame was a mask, but Come on.. It's clear that's no mask. Why would anybody wear a mask in their home on their own computer when they weren't expecting to be seen ? Top that with, he looks rough in this pic. He wasn't planning on it happening ! Karma is a bitch !! But still Pearl tries selling her hand with the mask excuse. Nuts! “ — 04/29/2018 .

• TrayC — I love to tour.

“See, I'm of the opinion that Pearl doesn't even believe herself that it's MJ anymore (maybe she did think it was him years ago)... but she can't back track now, she's gone too far ! It would be admitting that all her 'work' her book, DVDs etc are BS ! She couldn't possibly admit that , without some pretty harsh repercussions. So she will justify any evidence to the contrary. Until the end of time ... “ — 04/29/2018.

• SellingOutSouls — 24kCoughDrops

“At the end of the day, the victims of these schemes have to be the ones to report the fraud ; but even then, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything would come of it, because it would likely fall under a civil complaint and, at the end of the day, some just don’t feel like much will be accomplished, by attempting civil action .” — 04/29/2018.

• TrayC — I love to tour

“Well she claims her work is 100% factual ! That is false advertizing ! But yeah, I'm talking more about her reputation as an investigative journalist. But I guess that's not exactly that high either ! — April 29, 2018.

• SellingOutSouls — 24kCoughDrops

“That’s still something they’d refer for civil litigation and that type of stuff takes too much time and money. It ends up being easier to just cut your losses and never look back ! Now, maybe if enough people organized a class action suit, there’d be a glimmer of hope that she’d be shut down, but it would still rely too much on hearsay and certain unknowns.” — April 29, 2018 .

• BarbaraLee — Well-Known Member

“Interesting ! I remember the statement and the exposing on MJJC, in 2014, and wondered why Gaz cared so much about it... it seemed pretty absurd to me ! But I didn't know Peter had 12K followers and it had been going on for years and years ! Jeez !! — 04/29/2018 .

• NOT ALL MEN — Well-Known Member

“So I have a confession for y'all . For years, before Michael's death, I was part of the King of Pop message board. I, along with other MJ fans, downloaded this program called Paltalk (before Skype, or before the popularity of Skype). Myself and other MJ fans would all gather in the chat . And also, if you had a microphone or headset of some kind, you can actually speak in the chat instead of type. Well, guess who would also be in the chat? "Peter Pan PYT," or "Peter Midani." Often, he'd take the mic and impersonate Michael. And a lot of us enjoyed it. It sounded scarily like Michael ! However, this shit ended up being concerning because there were girls in this chatroom who ACTUALLY THOUGHT that he was the REAL Michael Jackson (this was during 2004/2005). I remember feeling creeped out by all of this. Obviously, it wouldn't really be Michael, but so many girls thought it was ! One of my friends from the KOP board who was also on Paltalk, she was on the phone with one of the girl's parents to tell them that that wasn't really Michael Jackson. Just someone impersonating his voice. She did this while she had the mic on Paltalk. I haven't heard this fraud's MJ's impersonation voice since then, but at the time, I thought he was really good. He sounded convincingly like Michael. Then years later, after I lost my moderation status on the KOP board over something petty, there was a huge thread, there, about "Peter Midani" because there were a few girls on the site who got conned. I don't remember the full story, so if there was anyone who was there on the kOP board at the time, if you can clarify, that would be nice. But, to my surprise, it was the same guy that we're talking about here. But these girls thought it was really Michael. He wrote them poetry, and all kinds of crazy claims ! The gullibility of these women amazes me ! How these women cling on to every dude's saying-and-action, without a thought ?! It's like all senses and thinking skills are thrown out the window, and they're ready to accept and believe, and do the most for him . But, more than that, is that not only has this guy been doing this BEFORE Michael passed, but years after, taking advantage of women and girls. Michael is supposed to be dead (he is), and here ‘Peter’is, the proof that Michael is alive, and taking advantage of these desperate BeLIEvers for his morbid and selfish reasons !And don't even get me started on Pearl Jr. She's an embarrassment to black women everywhere !” — April 29, 2018 .

• TrayC — I love to tour.

“When people wonder how on earth anyone could be so naive as to get sucked into lies like this, it's placing the blame on them, instead of the manipultors. The majority of people who fall into these traps aren't like you, with a normal life etc. Maybe they are children who are too trusting, they could have mental health issues, some people lean on things like this as a form of escape from whatever horrible shit is going on in their lives. This is what is so sad about it ! it's those type of people that Pearl and Peter are manipulating. I know there isn't really much we can do, but it just disgusts me. “ — 04/29/2018 .

• ShalaShalingay — Well Known Member

“ But could Gaz help ? I mean, shouldn't this ‘Peter’ man be investigated by police for soliciting young females online ? I'm sure that must be illegal ! I don't think with freedom of speech that much can be done about the Pearl Jr. woman. I can only imagine the conspiracy talk when it will be his 10 year next year. It will be a circus .” — 04/29/2018 .

• TrayC — I love to tour .

“I don't know Gaz so I dont know. I am not a member of his forum. From what I hear he already tried to do something but I really don't know. A member of MJJC would be better placed to speak on that than me...” — 04/29/2018

• Realtk92 — Unapologetically Real

“In the case of Michael, he was a larger-than-life-figure that ruled the Pop Culture world for over 40 years ! His impact, influence and contribution to Music and Culture was and is something that had not been seen before. He has become an Immortal figure and for many it is very hard to accept he is no longer here anymore. With Tupac, they haven't found the person that killed him and they continue to release new music from his vault. That is why there is speculation around his death. “ — 04/29/2018 .

• Xscape — *The dark thoughts in your head*

“Let me take a crack and try my best to explain. Peter Midani used the same handle he always used as the email Addy to contact him by, that's how its known it's the same person as the imposter on KOPD board. Now of course, Peter cries Hacking, but that's his m.o. ..it's always an imposter, someone else when it isn't. Anyway, a moderator of that board befriended Midani through friends of hers and believed it was Michael Jackson as well. Later on, that moderator was approached by someone having doubts about the situation. This moderator kept the situation under wraps and bullied the person who came to them with their concerns to try and intimidate them into silence. The girl went over the mod's head. Hell broke loose at one point. It's like the one thing you just don't discuss there. People would rather forget. But I am, personally, of the opinion it's a network of people conning and conniving together. They think they got a good act going. Well busted ... EDIT : I want to be clear about the moderator here and note that the person apologized and lost the position over what happened, but went on to better themselves and change their bullying ways.” — 04/29/2018 .

• Awesomegirl015 — Minding Your Business

“According to the NYPD, they found Tupac’s killer years ago and have evidence but, because the guy was killed two years after Tupac, he was never convicted ! It was revealed in the tv series documentary about pac and biggie. The guy pac stomped out that night was the one who killed him. His uncle basically snitched years ago in order to save himself from having to go to jail. Let me see if I can post a clip... (it’s on Netflix). I agree with what you said about Michael , though ... He has become Immortal ! — 04/29/2018 .

• Xscape — *The dark thoughts in your head*

“Michael... It's like... somehow, people forgot he was a human being, regardless of his Talent, Wealth, and Life . He was ultimately destined to do what 100% of creatures of Earth have done and that was have a life span. They bring up he loved magic and illusion. Ok... So did Houdini, people ! It's us that yearned so much for him ! We wanted Redemption and Justice for him , because he deserved a happy life, after all he shared with the world. The world kicked him and spit him out. They’re STILL trying to rewrite his history and erase his true character from it. He deserved better than to be murdered ! To be abused and neglected right under our noses ! And, yet, Michael swallowed the blame as a drug addict, when he wasn't sleeping nights. He was very sleep deprived. But let's take the account of the murderer as gospel truth of Michael supposedly asking repeatedly for sedatives when evidence points to that version being a lie. Michael never woke up after the first sedative was given. That's what the evidence shows. Murray drowned him in drugs. He never had a chance ! It's just more injustice against Michael as ever and repeats in the media. People ignore Michael was murdered ! ‘Nope. Drug addict !’ When Court evidence and doctor’s records and testimony tell another story, the media muted. Typical media ! One day it WILL be set right though. Michael deserves at least that much in his honor ! Anyway, Hell ... You guys are reading this and can see how all of what happened to Michael hurts and angers me ! Well, some just can't come to grips with the idea that Michael was more vulnerable than was known, and was abused and betrayed, repeatedly, by those who should have had his back. A few of these clowns, MJ fans actually still think did right by Michael and loved him, because not everyone followed the AEG trial . This just wasn't supposed to happen like this for him. And Michael was their inspiration in life ! They have to find him again, because they can't feel like they can move on. Some live abused lives ... It’s tragic in some cases ! As a Michael Jackson fan since childhood, I am grateful to have grown up being inspired and spellbound by him. He was a friend, when I had no friend in my corner, giving me encouragement to believe in myself and my dreams. My heart aches for some other answer for Michael, too ... not enough to swallow a lying illusion though. There's been enough lies and crap in this fan base, people picking on us cause they think we’re an easy target ! We still have time to carry on Michael's legacy and pass it down to generations ! “. — April 29, 2018 .

[scripttorture]

Hi! You've talked a lot about the details involved in 'pumping' someone full of liquids, and I've considered subjecting a character to this - a healthy soldier in their late 20s. I'm curious about how to write the recovery process provided they're rescued a day or so after the torture and taken to a hospital. How would this be complicated if the liquids the victim was given included things like human waste, mud, salt, laxatives etc., and if the captors had beaten them after they were 'full'?

WhelpI’ve asked @scriptveterinarian and the good news is it’s highly unlikelytheir organs would rupture. Which is good because I’m not sure whatthe treatment for a popped stomach or intestine would look like.

Rupturingthe oesophagus ispossible especially when something like a tube or metal funnel isinserted into it while pumping. But drowning on the liquid is morelikely.

Accordingto ScriptVet the level of dissension can put pressure on thediaphragm making it difficult to breathe.

Anyone of those things can be fatal.

Thefact that pumping usually isn’tfatal suggests to me that for whatever reason most of the time thesethings don’t happen.

Anda big part of the reason why is probably that vomiting is the body’snatural response to this huge and unnatural level of stretching inthe stomach. If it’s getting to the point where the stomach ispainfully swollen, there’s pressure on the diaphragm and so forththe body expels the excess. If torturers were to keep going at thispoint there’s a good chance the victim could drown in their ownvomit.

So-my educated guess is that pumping is survivable because torturersgenerally stop when the victim starts to vomit large amounts ofliquid.

Thediarrhoea, which can come at the same time but will definitely show up later, is due to taking in more liquid than the body canabsorb. As far as I can tell.

Assumingthat the torturers start beating the victim around the time theystart vomiting; well the victim is probably going to vomit even more.It would cause a lot of pain. It shouldn’trupture the stomach because the torturersaren’t really capable of hitting with that sort of force (you’retalking car-collision force).

Thevictim accounts I could find aren’t clear on whether this wouldalso trigger diarrhoea. They describe feelings of weakness,light-headedness, shakes. Which aren’t unexpected when you’recoupling a large amount of pain with nausea and a prolonged period ofvomiting. Especially as most torture victims are already dehydratedand/or under fed.

I’mnot entirely sure what hospital treatment would look like. Thistorture is still used but is a lot less common than it was 80 yearsago. As a result I’m not really finding any medical articles ontreating it now.

Isuspectthat he’d probably have expelled most of the excess fluid by thetime he’s rescued. Which means his treatment would probably focuson any wounds he has and re-feeding/re-hydrating. That would probablybe done via a drip.

Eachof the things you’ve suggested adding to a pumping mixture wouldhave different effects. Some of them are pretty risky for thecharacter.

Humanwaste is going to cause an infection. Probably not in the stomach butin the throat. Stomach acid is generally pretty good at killing theinfection-causing microbes that would be present which is why I thinkthat’s less likely (it would still be possible).

Thethroat seems most likely to me because the implements torturers useto force liquid into the stomach generally cause small cuts in thethroat and mouth. Things like plastic tubing, metal funnels and thelike are forced into the mouth and to the back of the throat. Whichcreates a lot of small injuries and a lot of likely sites forinfection.

Idon’tthink this would be lethal in the time frame you’ve got. Thecharacter is at the hospital in plenty of time for the infection tobe treated. As the infection takes hold his throat may swell, makingbreathing difficult. But if he’s already in hospital by that pointhe should be alright- it’s something modern medicine can deal with.

Itwould also cause diarrhoea, there are some sources I’ll quote laterthat would help you with that. This would be dangerous, probably evenlife threatening. But it would also be relatively easy to treat in ahospital. 

The combination of the two however could result in a pretty life threatening condition. I think he’d need to be kept on a drip for quite a while to make sure he has enough fluids and ensure a constant delivery of antibiotics.

Mudis likely to be much more dangerous.

That’sbecause the big exception to the ‘stomachs are hard to rupture’stuff I was talking about earlier is...when the digestive tract isblocked by something solid and indigestible. Like mud.

Evenif the character’s stomach didn’trupture while the torturers were beating him pumping with mud wouldgive him incredibly serious digestive problems later on. It can inessence clog up the system. It’s not a substance the body canreally remove any way but physically and it is physically difficultto shift.

Thecases that are coming to mind are famine victims. Sometimes in themiddle of famine people will start to voluntarily eat mud. That’sbecause the pain from hunger is so bad that they just want to ease itany way they can. Mud can provide a very short term relief, anillusion of fullness. Until it passes a bit further and completelyblocks the intestines causing an agonising death.

I’mnot 100% clear on all the dangers and risks that are applicable whena character eats mud. ButI can give you an idea where to search. The technical term for eatinginedible things is ‘pica’, searching for that in relation tofamines in particular should help you find sets of symptoms andhopefully a treatment profile as well.

I’munsure how it could be treated or indeed if there’s a treatment andthat’s part of the danger. Hospital staff may not spot just how badthe situation is until it’s too late and something’s ruptured.

Outof all your suggestions my instinct is that mud is the most dangerousand would require the longest hospital stay. Possibly involving multiple surgeries.

Saltis easier. It would encourage the character to vomit more and leavehim even more dehydrated.

That’sa horrible feeling and a pretty lasting form of pain. But it iseasily remedied.

Dehydrationtends to cause headaches, light-headedness, tiredness and thesensation of a dry mouth. It can cause fainting, confusion andblurred vision. In extreme cases it can cause seizures.

I’vebeen dehydrated enough to faint and not be able to see straight anymore. In that state water tastes sweet and drinking it causes a sortof euphoric rush, almost like the early, pleasant stage ofdrunkenness.

Treatment would concentrate on rehydration.

Laxativeswould also cause the character to become more dehydrated.

I’mnot sure how long common laxatives effect people for. I thinkthey’re relatively short-acting but it would be best to check.There’s a big difference between the effect of a substance thatwould give him diarrhoea for a day and one that would give him it fora week. The first isn’t too worrying though it would likely beincredibly painful for the character. The second is much moredangerous even if he’s in a hospital.

Diarrhoeacan kill. In fact it is stillin the top ten causes of death world wide. Though it has fallen from5thto 9th(from 2000-2016), showing that we have made progress against thediseases that cause it.

Themajor risks if the character has diarrhoea for a long period aredehydration and lack of nutrition. He might need to be kept on a dripfor a while and it might be a long time before he’s back to fullstrength. I’m not sure exactly how long it would take or what thattreatment would look like.

Thereare resources on diarrhoeal diseases that would probably be a goodstarting point for working out what the treatment he’d receivewould look like. I’m not a medic so I can’t really give muchadvice myself. Butthe WHO has a page here which serves as a pretty good starting pointon diarrhoeal diseases, their prevention and treatment.

Noneof these substances would effect the pain the character feels whilehe’s being tortured. The initial period would be pretty similarwith each. It’s the longer term physical recovery that theseeffect. They’re each causing a prolonged period of sickness aftertorture, but they’re doing it in different ways.

Ithink that if you’re unsure which, if any, substance to pick thebest way to approach it is to think about how long you want thecharacter to be in hospital for. Salt will likely give the shortesthospital stay. Laxatives with a short term effect would also means ashort hospital stay.

Longerterm laxative and human waste would mean longer hospital stays- I amguessing here but I think 2-4 weeks wouldn’t be unreasonable.

Mudis likely to mean he’d be sick for a prolonged period of time.There are a lot of possible complications or things that could gowrong. He might need multiple surgeries. He might be in and out ofhospital for a much longer period of time.

Ihope that helps. :)

Disclaimer

[asklolard]

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[mittensmorgul]

I'm so sorry if this sounds ignorant, and I'm sure you're tired of explaining it, but do views or "hits" on Ao3 mean anything? Because i'll see the posts about authors needing kudos and comments (which i understand completely) but i'll also see the view count and i'm like "but it's got so many hits, just go by that too!" So what goes into an author truly knowing how well they're doing?

Hi there! And yeah, I’ve explained how this works before, but I’m always happy to explain it again. Because it bears repeating. :)

Hits on AO3 mean very little. Someone clicks through to the fic, reads the tags and summary, maybe the first few paragraphs of a novel-length fic, and then nopes out without finishing. It still registers a hit.

Writing a multi-chapter fic posted in weekly installments that has a significant following? Yeah, hits are also meaningless here, because every time you post a new installment and all your dedicated readers click through to read the next chapter? They each register new hits. They’re not UNIQUE viewers to the entire fic, yet it can still look that way in the hit counter. And if it’s a 50 chapter fic that posts over the course of a whole year? The “compound” hits really start to add up, despite each of those unique readers only being able to leave 1 kudos (albeit multiple comments, if they so desire).

If something we post generates a thousand hits but only 100 kudos, it can start to feel like a lot of readers may not have bothered to read to the end, you know? If I make it to the end of a fic, I hit the kudos button. It takes literally one second, and in my mind it’s the equivalent of saying, “Thank you for writing this and posting it for free for my enjoyment.”

I personally don’t have the “false hits equivalency” problem that writers who post WIP’s do, because I always post complete works. Even when I’ve tried to post serially, I end up giving up after a few days and just going ahead and posting the entire thing. I tried to do that with Ultraviolet, posting a chapter a day, and lasted five whole days before just posting the rest all at once. I have no patience for drawing things out unnecessarily. :P

As a result, the hits count on it are artificially inflated:

2269 hits as of today, when I posted it back at the end of June. But heck, there’s more than 10% kudos-to-hits ratio, so even considering that I know a number of people had been reading along as I posted the first five chapters, that’s still a pretty decent average. Believe it or not, that’s considered to be fairly excellent as a hits-to-kudos ratio.

Now on to the thing I just posted a few days ago, Dean’s Days Off. I posted it all at once (note the posting date):

That’s a lot of hits, considering I can assume that most of them are not redundant, with the same readers clicking back through to read a new chapter. Still, even working under the assumption that A LOT of those are unique hits from different people, I’m left with the assumption that less than 20% of them actually read all the way to the end, because of the kudos.

This theory works FOR NOW, because this is a new story. I doubt many people have had a chance (even if they loved it and intend to read it again someday-- which is just wishful thinking on my part, but whatever) have had a chance to go back and read it again already, you know? So these are largely most probably original hits. But over time, there may be a fair few people who return to read it again and CAN’T leave kudos again. The hits-to-kudos ratio will inevitably drop over time.

Plus there’s also the factor in the other direction-- readers who click through and then download the story (I always do this with fic I love, partly because it’s easier to read on my kindle, but also because I’ve see too much fic I love get taken down by the authors, and I like to make sure I have a copy in case that ever happens). I have fic I’ve reread NUMEROUS times, but the author has no way of knowing how much I adore their writing in that case UNLESS I EXPLICITLY TELL THEM.

AO3 doesn’t keep statistics for downloads. Unless a reader tells me, I have no idea that they may have downloaded my story to read again. It doesn’t even generate another hit in that case, you know?

In any case, kudos, comments, OR hits-- none of them is a perfect gauge for readership. Hits may be meaningless. I think 3 of the hits for T&S were generated by me-- one of which was me noping out within a page or two of starting because there was no way in hell I was gonna keep reading, and two of which were unlabeled links to the effect of, “OMG I JUST READ THIS THING AND I NEED A MOMENT TO RECOVER,” which is an intriguing sort of post where the words “THIS THING” were a link to it... I had no idea, but lo and behold, I generated a “hit” to it. >.>

I’ve clicked on fic recs that from the description in the post sounded right up my alley, only to see something in the tags on AO3 that made me nope out of reading, or got a short way in to the story before realizing it just wasn’t my thing and closing out. All of that generates hits. Meaningless, meaningless hits.

I have opened fic, decided to “Mark For Later” so I can open it again and read it when I’m in the right mood, or when I have time to devote to it, or whatever. I have A LOT of fic Marked For Later. Still, opening it to mark it and add it to my list generates a hit. It’ll generate another hit when I do eventually go back and read it. Possibly generating another hit when I open it yet again trying to remember if I’ve read it... 

Or the worst-- I’ve had the thing open in a tab for two weeks hoping to find the time to read it, and every time Chrome refreshes the page (because Chrome does that) it generates a new hit... I kinda feel guilty about that...

Hits are ultimately meaningless.

Kudos at least have SOME meaning. A unique reader read the entire thing, got all the way to the end, and felt good enough about reading it to hit what essentially amounts to the THANK YOU NICE WRITER PERSON button.

Some people are willing to spend a little more time writing a comment. Anything from a “Thank you for writing this” to “Oh gosh I love this story, and xyz was my favorite!” all the way to leaving a running commentary on every chapter or a five paragraph book review at the end. Or heck, just an incoherent keysmash with a bunch of exclamation points.

Or one of my personal favorites, “I just read this again and can’t leave more kudos, so have this

I don’t understand the resistance to clicking the kudos button if you read the entire story and derived any enjoyment from it whatsoever. If you’re embarrassed about it, you can always log out of AO3 and leave kudos anonymously. No one will ever know it was you. :P

But I’ve had people ask me this before, wondering why they should even BOTHER hitting Kudos, and it’s like... you read this entire story, for the low low cost of zero dollars, and can’t be fussed to even click the Instant Thank You Button? That’s... shocking and frustrating as a writer. Some of my longer fic may have taken me HUNDREDS of hours to write, edit, etc. And it doesn’t merit half a second of time to click a button. I mean, sure, Dean’s Days Off is kinda short compared to some of my other work, but it still represents about 80 hours of my life. I spent about 80 hours working on that story. I spent several hundred hours working on Revenge of the Subtext. And even more than that working on Around the World in 24 Days. That’s a lot of hours. Can I get half a second of your time as an acknowledgement that it was worth it?

If I make it to the end of a story of any length, that’s automatically kudos. Job well done, Writer Person. You have suitably entertained me.

I admit that I am still personally weirded out by leaving comments, but I do try and force myself to, especially if it’s a longer work. I get this OH GOSH PLEASE DON’T LOOK AT ME BUT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME FEEEEELINGS mentality about leaving comments. I turn into Dean Winchester and clam up. I TOTALLY GET THAT REACTION to leaving comments. That’s why the kudos button exists in the first place. No embarrassment required. Just a Thank You that writers can acknowledge in a measurable way. Unlike hits, which honestly we have no idea how many of them even read past the introduction let alone the entire story.

I wish there were some more accurate metric for calculating just how well received our works are, but really this is all we have. We don’t have bestseller lists. Our readers don’t have to pay for our work. Leaving kudos or liking our tumblr posts is great, and lets us know at least our followers appreciate what we’ve written. Leaving comments is fantastic because we can share the joy, answer questions, reply to theories y’all have about our stories (heck nothing is better to me than having someone meta-analyze my writing! I LOVE THAT AND WOULD LOVE TO SQUEE WITH JOY AT YOU!). Reblogging our tumblr posts is like the ultimate recommendation. It says not only someone read and enjoyed what we wrote, but wants other people to find the thing too.That’s how we find new readers, especially if the post ends up tagged with stuff like, “OMG THIS WAS SO EXCELLENT!” or whatever. Damn near makes my week. :P

But if we post something, even if it gets tons of hits, if no one bothers to hit the kudos button at the end, it can very quickly start to feel like maybe nobody ever read all the way to the end, so why even bother...

I probably shouldn’t have turned this into an essay, but since that seems to be my trademark, I guess I’ll just go ahead and post it...

[dukereviewsmovies]

Duke Reviews: Chopping Mall

Hi, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Duke Reviews Where We Continue Our Annual Monsterween...

With A Really Bad Slasher Film, I Call Chopping Mall...

I Was Originally Thinking About Talking About Killer Clowns From Outer Space But Since The Happy Death Day Movies Were A Mix Of Slasher/Sci-fi And Comedy I Decided To Not Do It This Year And Instead Make Up For The Lack Of Gore And Blood In Those Films With This Film...

Now, Let Me Ask You Something, With A Name Like Chopping Mall What Would You Expect?

Oh, And Don't Bother Writing Your Answer In The Comments Because I Already Know Everyone's Answer, You Expect A Guy Who Looks Like Jason Voorhees Going Around A Mall, Butchering Unsuspecting Teens...

But No, The Person Who Made This Movie Thought...

(Person 1) "Ha! Who'd Want To See That? No, Instead Let's Do Killer Robots Who Gain Sentience During A Thunderstorm And Decide To Kill Teens Inside Of A Mall During A Late Night Party"

(Person 2) "Late Night Party/Orgy"

(Person 1) "Well, It's The 80's And You Can't Have A Slasher Movie Without Sex, So Why Not"...

But Is This Film As Horrible As I'm Making It Sound? Let's Find Out As We Watch Chopping Mall...

The Film Starts With A Film On The Secure-Tronics Protector 101 Robots Which Is The New Security System At The Plaza Park Mall To Which Their Creator, Dr. Sam Simon Is On Hand To Answer Questions Concerning The Robots...

(Start At 2:00, End At 4:35)

We Get A Title Card As We See The Goings On At The Mall...

Yes, That's Nice, Oh, Look They Got A Scoops Ahoy!...

(Start At 1:44, End At 1:52)

During The Credits We Also Discover That Roger Corman's Wife, Julie Corman Produced The Film...

Oh, I Guess That Explains Why There Are So Many Roger Corman Movie Poster Along The Background Of The Next Scene...

And It's In This Scene We Start Meeting Our Fodder For The Killer Robots Starting With Alison And Suzie (Played By Scream Queen Barbara Crampton) Who Work At A Barbeque Joint But As Suzie Puts It Tonight They're Going To Have Good Times To The Max...

However, Alison Doesn't Want To Show Because She Doesn't Know Anybody Despite Suzie Telling Her That After Tonight She Will, This Probably Leads To The Worst Piece Of Acting In This Film...

Wow, Was It Too Much For You To Put Emotion In That Line, Sir? Did They Not Pay You Enough To Say That Line The Right Way? Or Did You Just Think Eh, No One's Going To See This Movie, So, I'll Just Half-Ass It So, I Can Get A Paycheck...

Meanwhile, While A Storm Is Going On, Lightning Hits The Control Center Causing Alarms To Go Off As The Robots Gain Sentience, Killing The One Man In The Control Room...

But As That Happens We Meet 3 More People On The Robot Killing Fodder List, Named Ferdy (Not Fergie) Mike And Greg Who Are Using Ferdy's Uncle's Store For The Party Tonight With Beers On Hand And Suzie Setting Ferdy Up With Alison...

Meanwhile On The Other Side Of Town 2 More People On The List, Rick And Linda Have Engine Trouble Which Linda Manages To Fix, Most People Believe Them To Be Married But Me, I Don't Think So Because They Mention About Using Their Wedding Money To Fix Their Automotive Business So, That To Me Tells Me They're Not Married But They're Trying To Do So, But I Don't Know If Anyone Has A Definitive Answer For This Write Me In The Comments...

Meeting Our Last Victim In This Movie Leslie At A Clothing Store, She Runs Into Her Boyfriend Mike Who's There To See Her Despite Her Father Being There As They Tell Him That They're Going To A Birthday Party For Suzie Tonight Which I Don't Think He Believes But He Buys The Story Enough So They Can Continue Making Out...

With Alison's Dad Giving Her Permission To Go To The Party, Suzie Is Ecstatic As They Head On Over To Ferdy's Uncle's Store While Another Control Room Attendant Gets Killed By The Robots...

With The Party Underway, Everyone (Except Ferdy And Alison Who Are Introduced To Each Other By Rick And Suzie) Drinks Beers, Dances And Makes Out...

With The Protector Robots Going On Duty, The Teens (Except For Ferdy And Alison Who Are Watching A Roger Corman Movie) Do One Of The Things You're Not Supposed To Do In A Horror Movie...Pork...

(Start At 1:01, End At 1:07)

Meanwhile, A Janitor, Portrayed By Joe Dante Regular, Dick Miller Mops The Floor Only To Get Electrocuted By One Of The Robots...

(End At 1:15)

At Least It's A Better Kill Than How You Died In The Terminator...

His Character Was Also Named After A Character He Played In A Corman Movie Entitled A Bucket Of Blood So, I Guess They Were Honoring Him...

Out Of Cigarettes, Leslie Sends Mike To Get Some But Not Before Offering Him Some Incentive To Hurry Back...

Eventually Finding A Vending Machine, Mike Is Confronted By One Of The Robots Who Asks Him For His Identification But As Mike Shows It To Him, Giving A The Day The Earth Stood Still/Army Of Darkness Reference...

(Start At 0:57, End At 1:03)

It Tranquilizes Mike Only To Kill Him Off Screen (Don't Worry We See The Body Shortly) Wondering Where Mike Is, Leslie Gets A Shirt And Underwear On To Go Look For Him, But Eventually Finding Mike, Who's Throat Was Slit by The Robot...

Confronted By One Of The Robots, Leslie Gets Chased By It As It's Lasers Fire At Her Eventually It Hits Her In The Back And On Her Butt Before Taking The Killshot By Blowing Her Damn Head Off...

With Everyone Watching Leslie Die, The Robot Along With Another Robot Break Into The Store To Go After The Others As They Fire Lasers At Them, Eventually Making It To The Back Storeroom, The Main Mall Doors Are Now Barred Until Six Am And With The Robots Placing Dynamite On The Door To Blow It Open, They Have No Choice But To Separate With The Girls Taking The Vents While The Guys Take The Emergency Exit So They Can Get Some Weapons To Take Down Those Robots...

With A Robot Approaching, The Guys Try Firing Shots At It But Unfortunately All Their Bullets Bounce Off Of It Which Forces Them To Roll In A Propane Tank So They Can Blast At That To Blow The Robot To Kingdom Come, They Manage To Succeed But It Was Only Enough To Deactivate It For A Short Time...

Meanwhile In The Vents, Suzie Quickly Becomes The Worst Character In This Movie Because She's (Acting Like Suzie) Gotta Get Outta Here And She's Gotta Find Greg Because He Needs Her..,

Bullshit, You're In A Safe Place Get Out While You Can! Honestly, Why Do You All Love This Woman When She Plays A Character Who's An Idiot?!?

So, Getting Out Of The Vent, The Girls Land In A Hardware Store Where They Decide That If They're Going To Fight They Might As Well Go Prepared So Grabbing A Few Small Quarts Of Gas, They Molotov Cocktails So They Use Against One Of The Robots While The Boys Set A Propane Tank Trap On The Elevator For One Of The Robots To Fall Into...

With The Robot The Guys Deactivated Coming Back On-Line, Another Robot Starts Chasing The Girls But As They Hide Behind Planters, Alison Throws One Of The Molotovs At A Robot Only For It To Walk Right Through It...

Making A Run For It The Robot Starts Firing It's Lasers At The Girls As The Guys Try To Find Them But When Suzie Gets Hit In The Leg, The Robot Fires At The Molotov In Her Hand Which Sets Her On Fire, Killing Her...

Honestly, When People Are On Fire In Horror Movies Why Don't They Stop, Drop And Roll Instead Of Screaming Your Head Off Like A Moron Before You Die Either That Or Run For The Nearest Lake Of Water?

With The Guys Arriving, Linda And Alison Manage To Get Away While The Guys Hold The Robot Off But Eventually Reaching The Elevator, The Robot Goes In While Everyone Attempts To Fire At The Propane Tanks On Top Of The Elevator With No Luck But One Shot From Alison And Kaboom! Both The Elevator And The Robot Go Down...

(Imitating Rod Serling) The Next Time You Check Yourself Into Your Neighborhood Malls Elevator Be Sure You Know Exactly What You're Getting Into Otherwise You May End Up A Permanent Resident Of The Twilight Zone.,,

Hiding Out In The Restaurant Where Alison And Suzie (When She Was Alive) Works, We Get A Small Scene Of Character Development I Guess, Before Ferdy Tells Them That The Robot's Master Computer is On The 3rd Floor And If They Blow It Up, It'll Shut Down The Robots...

But When They Try To Go To The 3rd Level, Greg Goes Up The Escalator Only To Be Thrown Over The Railing By One Of The Robots

To His Death...

But As They Try To Make A Run For It To Another Escalator Another Robot Confronts Them Which Forces Them To Take Shelter Inside Of Another Store...

Taking An Escalator Inside Of The Store To Level 3, One Robot Tries To Laser His Way In While The Other One Goes To Level 3..

Relaxing, For The Moment They Come Up With A Plan To Use The Mannequins As Bait While They Shoot At The Robot...

No, Wait You Might Hit Kim Catrall!

Oops!

Firing His Laser At Them, They Eventually Reveal A Few Mirrors Behind The Mannequins Thus When The Robot Fires At The Mannequins It Causes One Of The Laser Blasts To Fire Right Back At It...

(Robot) Malfunction, Malfunction, Need Input...

But As The Robot Begins Firing Crazily One Of The Blasts Hits Linda, Killing Her, Mad About This Of Course, Rick Boards A Vehicle And Rams It Into The Robot Blowing It Up And Electrocuting Rick At The Same Time...

So, With Ferdy And Alison Being The Only Ones Left They Decide To Go Find That Computer By Splitting Up To Try To Find It, But As Alison Goes Down A Long Corridor, She Enters A Room Full Of Junk Only To Be Confronted By One Of The Robots, Ferdy Comes To Alison's Rescue As She Screams And Knocks Out The Robot's Laser...

Chasing Ferdy, He Tosses A Fire Hydrant At The Robot When He Runs Out Of Bullets Only For The Robot To Toss The Fire Hydrant Right Back At Him Supposedly Killing Him But..

(Start At 0:43, End At 0:51)

With Alison As The Only One Left, She Loses The Robot Inside Of A Pet Store Only For It To Find Her Again Once She Get Out But Climbing Down Only To Fall On A Tent, She Heads Toward A Paint Shop Where She Dumps A Bunch Of Paints And Thinners So She Can Lure The Robot Inside So She Can Blow It Up With A Flare She Got From The Hardware Shop And...

(Start At 1:38, End At 1:59)

It Works!

So, With The Robot Gone, We Discover That Ferdy Is Alive So, Him And Alison Can Live Happily Ever After And Get Our End Credits...

And That's Chopping Mall And Well, It's Bad But It's Good Slasher Fun...

I'm Not Going To Lie, Folks The Acting In This Is Horrible And The Title Is Definitely Misleading But The Kills Can Go From Dull To Freaking Awesome And Because Of That I Say See It And To Have A Nice Day While Doing It...

Until Next Time, This Is Duke, Signing Off...

[dukereviewstv]

Duke Reviews TV: Smallville 1x07 Craving

Hi Everyone, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Duke Reviews TV Where Today We Are Continuing Our Look At Smallville By Talking About Episode 7 Of Season 1, Craving...

This Episode Is About A Girl Named Jodi Melville (Played By The DCEU'S Future Lois Lane, Amy Adams) Who Is A Overweight Teen Obsessed With Losing Weight Who Begins A Diet Plan Of Vegetable Shakes (A Solid Regimen, Right) But What If I Told You That These Vegetables Were Grown In Meteor Rock Contaminated Soil?

That's What I Thought...

Anyway These Contaminated Vegetables Are Causing Her To Lose So Much Weight That Regular Food Isn't Satisfying Her Anymore But Unfortunately The Fat Of Other People's Are. Meanwhile, Lex Becomes Interested In Chloe's Wall Of Weird Theory That He Begins Funding The Research Of A Controversial Mineralogist (Played By Terminator 2's Joe Morton)

So, Let's Dive Into Craving To See If Clark Can Stop This Fat Sucking Vampire?

The Episode Starts At The Melville House As We See Jodie (Played By Amy Adams) Picking Vegetables That Are In Meteor Rock Soil While Her Father Talks About Dinner That Night But Jodie Has No Interest On Eating Anything That He's Eating As She Wants To Lose Weight By Eating Just Vegetables...

Watching Jodie Place Her Head On A Bunch Of Magazine Supermodels Chloe And Pete Talk With Jodie About Helping Them With Algebra As Clark Is Busy Helping Lana With Her Party Accepting Despite Them Offering To Buy Her Lunch They're A Little Grossed Out By What She's Drinking...

But Then 2 Jocks Come By To Ask Pete To Join Their Game While Making Fun Of Jodie...

Oh, I Get It Her Name's Melville And Herman Melville Wrote Moby Dick, Ha Ha Ha When Did Bullying Become A History Lesson?

With Pete Telling The One Jock Dustin To Back Off, Dustin Ends Up Throwing His Ball Into Jodie's Drink Which Goes All Over Her Shirt...

Embarrassed About What Happened At School, Jodie Continues To Drink Vegetable Shakes Despite Her Father Telling Her That She's Beautiful The Way She Is But All Jodie Cares About Is Losing Weight And Nothing Else...

Going To The Bathroom, Jodie Goes On The Scale To See That She Has Lost Some Weight And Her Body Is Getting Thinner Then She Looks In The Mirror To See Her Face Get Thinner, Getting On The Scale We See She's Lost A Little Bit More Weight...

Meeting With A Doctor, Lex Discovers That He Has A Highly Elevated White Blood Cell Count But Lex Says That That's Not Possible As He Doesn't Get Sick, Asking Him Various Questions (If He's On Any Medication, If He Has Any Allergies, Any Childhood Illnesses To Which He Says Asthma)...

Saying That If This Was Anywhere Else, He'd Order Of Battery Of Tests, Wanting To Know Why Not, The Doctor Tells Lex That Some People Believe That The Luthorcorp Plant Is Poisoning The Environment...

Meanwhile At Lana's House, Lana And Clark Talk While Nell Works On Her Birthday Party Which Is Going To Be At The Luthor Mansion, But Lana Says That It Stopped Being Her Birthday Party A Long Ago And That If She Had It Her Way It Would Be Just Pizza And Loud Music With Her Friends...

Well, It's Your Birthday, Why Don't You Tell Nell This Instead Of Clark, I'm Sure She'd Understand...

But Turns Out Lana Is Giving Nell This Because They've Been Through A Lot In The Past Few Months, Which Is In This Reviewer's Opinion The Most Poorest Reason Ever...

Anyway, Whitney Comes By With Some Good News Turns Out He Has An Audition For Kansas State, Bad News Is He'll Have To Miss Lana's Party But Of Course, She's Fine With It...

Talking With Chloe And Pete, Pete Sees Whitney Being Gone As Clark's Opening With Lana But As They Continue Talking Jodie Says Hi To Pete Which Is When They Notice How Much Weight She's Lost...

Saying That She Looks Great, Jodie Thanks Pete For Sticking Up For Her Yesterday And Asks Him Out To Lana's Party To Which Clark Says Yes For Pete As He's Speechless But Chloe Is A Little Confused On How Jodi Lost All That Weight...

Stopping By The Kent Farm After School, Lana Gives Jonathan And Martha The Produce Order For The Party Saying That Nell's Planning This Like A Royal Wedding...

Well, If She Is Then Does Make You Meghan Markle, Because If You Are Boy, Do I Have A Few Things To Say To You...

Start Following The Royal Way Of Life Instead Of Doing Things Your Way...

Stop Acting Like A Disney Princess

Come Up With Better Baby Names...

Coming In With 2 Things Of Apples, Clark Talks With Lana Who Tells Him That All This Attention Is A Little Unnerving Which Leads Clark To Ask If He Could Be Her Escort On Saturday To Fend Off Her Fans So To Speak To Which Lana Says That She'd Like That But He Wants Him To Promise Her That This Time He'll Make It To Which He Does...

Making Another Vegetable Shake, Jodie Tells Her Dad About Her Date With Pete To Which He's Thrilled However He Wants Her To Eat A Little More Than Those Vegetable Shake Which She Does However Despite Eating Everything In Her Fridge Including Chicken, Hot Dogs, Chocolate Cake Etc... Nothing Satisfies Her...

Going To Pick Up Food, Jodi Accidentally Hits A Deer, Which She....

I Didn't Know Giselle From Enchanted Was A Cannibal....

Actually, She Didn't Eat The Deer, She Just Sucked The Fat Out Of Him But Still It's Scary Enough To The Point I Nearly Crapped My Pants...

Clark Watches Lana And Whitney As Whitney Gives Lana Her Birthday Gift But Chloe Interrupts To That Authorities Found The Deer That Jodi Hit Last Night, But Worried About More Important Things Than Deer Carcasses Chloe Says If She Helps Her She'll Him With His Lana Gift Dilemma...

Agreeing Clark Gets Chloe In To Which Clark Says Looks Like Jerky But The Report Says That The Deer Lost About 80% Of It's Body Fat...

Back At The Luthor Mansion, Lex Looks At The Smallville Torch Website While Jodi's Father Talks To Her Saying That He Has To Leave Town For A Few Days To Talk To A Client And Wants To See Jodi Before He Goes But Saying That He Can't As She's Indecent Has Him Worried That His Daughter May Need Professional Help...

But Turns Out The Reason He Can't Enter Is Because There's Food On The Floor That Didn't Satisfy Her...

Visiting The Torch, Lex Sees Chloe's Wall Of Weird Which Clark Explains To Him. Believing That It's An Interesting Theory Lex Talks With Clark About The Meteor Shower And What Happened All Those Years Ago With His Father...

With Chloe Returning, Lex Says He Likes Her Theory And Asks If She's The Only One Who Believes That The Meteors Are Behind Everything And Not The Luthorcorp Plant As Everyone Else Believes Which Leads Chloe To Suggest For A Mr. Hamilton..

Running Into Jodi In The Hallway, Pete Asks Why She Wasn't In Class With Her Saying That She Had Stomach Flu But She'll Be Fine. With Pete Telling Jodi If She's Not Up For Tomorrow He'll Understand, Jodi Tells Him That There's No Way In The World She Would Miss It...

Feeling Hungry Again, Jodi Runs Into Dustin Who Made Fun Of Her Earlier And Decides To Use Him To Slate Her Hunger...

Running Into Lana At The Football Field, She Tells Clark That She Told Nell To Make The Final Decisions Without Her Which Leads Clark To Ask If She's Ever Had A Happy Birthday Which Leads Her To Talk About One Time She Went To A Drive In With Her Parents...

Hearing A Noise After Talking To Lana, Clark Uses His X-Ray Vision To See Jodi Feeding On Dustin But By The Time Clark Gets There Jodi Is Gone And The Only Thing He Finds Is Dustin Barely Alive...

Finding This Mr. Hamilton (Played By T2's Joe Morton) Lex Talks With Hamilton About His Latest Condition And On How It May Be Connected To The Meteors And How He Would Like To Fund His Research But He Has No Intention Of Working For Lex Saying That His Research Is Private However, Lex Leaves The Door Open If He Wants To Change His Mind..

Back At School Chloe Tells Clark That Dustin Is In A Coma Which Leads Them To Come Back To The Idea Of A Fat Sucking Vampire, Sitting Down With Jodi For Their Study Group They Notice Her Eating A Lot But Just Says That She's Starving. With Chloe Thinking What They Saw Was Weird, Clark Takes Off To Deal With Lana's Birthday Gift...

Meanwhile At The Luthor Mansion, Set Up For Lana's Party Is Underway But Lex Knows That It's Not Her In Anyway While Also Giving The Hint That He May Have Set Up The Kansas State Audition For Whitney...

But As Clark Gets Ready For The Party, Chloe Comes In Saying That It Was Jodi's Car That Hit The Deer And What's Worse Her House Is Built Near One Of The Meteors Hit...

Getting Dressed For The Party It Seems Like A Fairy Tale...

But Then Jodie Gets Hungry, And Decides To Back Off Because She Doesn't Want To Hurt Pete...

(Start At 0:08, End At 0:13)

Finding Jodi In The Kitchen, She Attacks Pete And Tries To Suck His Fat But Luckily Clark Arrives Causing Her To Run It Into The Greenhouse...

With Clark Weakened By The Meteor Rocks, Jodi Attacks Clark With A Shovel Which Leads To A Fight Between The Two. But Looking At Her Reflection, Jodi Realizes What She's Become And Decides To End It..

With The Greenhouse Blown Up, Clark Saves Jodi As Pete Wakes Up...

Meanwhile At Her Party, Lana Feels Like This...

But A Talk With Lex About His Experience At Luthor Christmas Parties Which Makes Everything All Right?

Returning To The Kent Farm, Clark Tells Jonathan And Martha That Besides Pete Having A Headache, Jodi's On Her Way To Metropolis To Be With Her Father But None Of That Matters Right Now As Clark Is Too Upset Over Missing His Date With Lana. But He Realizes That Not Everthing Is Ruined...

Meanwhile At The Luthor Mansion, Lex Finds Out That He Has A Clean Bill Of Health And Decides To Tell Hamilton About It But He's Like Do I Give A Damn About Your Health? Finding Out Why Hamiton Was So Resistant To Him, He Tells Lex To Get Out But Still He Gives Him A Check To Fund His Research...

Oh, Wait He's Not Carrying A Stereo, My Bad...

Visiting Lana, Clark Apologizes For Missing The Party But He Wants To Make It Up To Her By Giving Her Her Birthday Gift Which Turns Out To Be A Drive In Movie...

However It Turns Out That They Were Shrunk By Ant-Man And The Wasp!

No, Just Kidding But Still Wouldn't It Be Funny If That Actually Happened But That's Craving And It's All Right...

The Entire Episode Is All Right I Don't Really Have A Problem With The Episode In General. However I Do Have A Problem With The Villain, Jodi, When She's In Movies I Like, I Love Amy Adams However Though I Didn't Mind The Character Of Jodi It Just Felt Like The Writers Were Walking On A Deadly Tightrope When Writing This Character Cause In The Wrong Hands The Character Could Definitely Send A Bad Message But Despite My Logical Implications On Sending A Good Or Bad Message I Say See It...

Till Next Time, This Is Duke, Signing Off...

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Fake dating begins!

Janis: Grace wants to buy you a coffee for being such a gent. Janis: If I was you I'd have a freebie black and charge it to her tab. Her and her cronies are in there enough, and it'll save you having to endure a frappe/her and said giggling gal pals. Jimmy: Me and her or a group hang with the BBs for the 'gram? Jimmy: 👍I did that last week and the one before Janis: Depends. She obvs wants alone time with you but she's never passed up a #goals photo-op in her life, so. Janis: Can't be freeing the nip on Insta but maybe she's got a private snapchat she wants to whore out, you'll be well in then 👍 Janis: Christ. Good to know not ALL her money goes on Brazilian blow-outs, she's also topping up the salary of every hot barista in town, what a philanthropist she is, amongst other less favourable titles. Jimmy: If you can be arsed to 3rd wheel this I'll shout you something from the secret menu Jimmy: Which exists swear down and isn't just a invite to my snapchat Jimmy: Why am I worried Brazilian blow outs is a way bigger euphemism any day Janis: Hmm. As much as I try to avoid spending ANY time with Grace, for obvious reasons as you well know, it could be pretty amusing to see her make such a twat out of herself. And it would piss her off if I gatecrashed...Fuck it, I'm in. Janis: Don't get any ideas about making some taboo twin content though, lad, that only happens in the minds of pervy porn execs, and in weird old lady novels from the 80s. Janis: Lol. Yeah, it ain't a Cavante special. Its to make her look MORE white, funnily enough. As if the coffee habits and UGGs weren't making her a literal meme for the cause already. Jimmy: I'd rather down a strawberry açaí refresher with coconut milk every time Grace makes a gaff, which funnily enough is what necking with your sister's tall mate tastes like, than get sandwiched between the two of you Jimmy: I'd shout her a flat white if she'd get the joke though. One for each of them Jimmy: 😩 Janis: OMG, girl code, Grace sooooo saw you first, Tammy is gonna be out on her flat white arse when Gracie finds out, like 💀 Janis: The feeling's mutual, dickhead. Wouldn't put it past my sister though, she's more obsessed with me than she'd EVER be with you. 🤢 At least she'll be moving on when you finally give in and give it to her, I've got a life fucking sentence, mate. ⚰ Jimmy: OMG Minnie (??? Isn't that her name maybe) launched herself at me first and I'd be out on my penniless arse if I'd let her crack on over the counter ⛔ Jimmy: I like my encounters with a little less ego it's no crime. Or slight on you, mate. Jimmy: I'll tell Gracie that if she ever lets me get a word in. Janis: Fuck knows. All look the same to me. Ironic if it is, though, fucking jolly green giantess. Janis: And soz but sexual assault ain't no crime either when you're them though, they're just being #girlbosses swear down garda 💋 Janis: Good luck with that one, kid. Even if she gives you the chance, she won't be listening. Fucks with the fairytale where you shut the fuck up and carry her bags 'cept to call her pretty once in a while for said ego's boost. 🙊🙉 Janis: oh, and look good in the 'gram, standard. Jimmy: Could be what the lads call her... whoops Jimmy: Damn. I'll have to spoil her fun by letting it be known I've got myself a girl already. 🎻 Shame it'll take me years to find one who can stand the interrogation 💔 Jimmy: Gotta get Cass to keep her ear low. Effort. Janis: The 'lad's' secret is safe with me, the 'girls' are hardly likely to listen and I'm even less likely to bother to tell 'em. She'd just think #pussygamestrong 'neway so I ain't giving the bint that unwarrant stroke when you've all already been there, done that. Sloppy. Janis: Woe is, lad. Like everyone ain't on your dick rn 'cos you got that shiny, new appeal. Just pick one that ain't TOTALLY unbearable- ah, I see your problem. Janis: Sadly, I can't help, I ain't the massive lezza you've no doubt heard from the lads and girls alike that I am. Janis: Slim pickings either way you swinging, you see. Jimmy: You can help me then. Go on. Think how mad it'd make Gracie if nuffin' else Jimmy: Counter distance between us at all times if you want Janis: Aside from pissing off my sister, which I'm more than capable of by me larry, what's in it for me? You get her off your dick and back into Costa to cry it out, like Jimmy: Freebies of any of Common Grounds finest where you can also hang without her and her hangers on Jimmy: Semi trained mutt if I can wrench it from my sisters grasping hands? Jimmy: Plus an end to the rumors if you're arsed about that. You said yourself I've got the newbie appeal Janis: Alright, alright, you had me at dog! Janis: I won't deprive your sister but I could do with an AM running partner who can keep up. I'll wear it out and have it back to you at the end of your morning shift, before she's even had her weetabix or found her school tie. Deal? Janis: I'm down for writing our own rumours, why the fuck not, eh Jimmy: Done. Her name's Twix and she's as annoying as the name makes her sound. Jimmy: Get ready for rumors about how many bodies she's buried for you after all the holes dug Janis: Cute. And I'm sure I've dealt with worse bitches, I'm up for the challenge. 💪 Janis: Its always the dog walkers init, suspicious cunts. Jimmy: Yeah, and if you wanna bury a few of 'em yourself I'll keep my lips sealed Jimmy: Tomorrow too soon? Janis: Good man, you will if you know what's good for you. Janis: Though, not too sealed, gotta set this dump's/my sister's world alight, like, and I don't think that's happening if we just hold hands. 😲 Janis: Nah, I'm ready. Only thing I got scheduled is double chem and that can always do with livening up. Janis: How you wanna do this, lover boy? Jimmy: Point taken. I better work on my angles too. For the 'gram. Jimmy: With minimal cliches if that can even be a thing round 'ere Jimmy: Probably wouldn't believe it without 100s would they Janis: You best, I don't know how to work facetime, you've got the wrong twin there. Janis: Well, I could oh-so casually ask Grace if her and the bitch squad are going for coffee on the way home from hell (as if they don't every fucking day) and she will be buzzin' thinking I wanna come 'cos she's always asking/attempting to drag me like she's on a mission from the coffee bean gods Janis: Then we can be there, together, oh-so casually again Janis: Aside from sucking face on the playground (which is a little first school, even for these hoes) its the best way to get max attention and thus the rumour mill will do the rest Jimmy: Make sure Tall Tammy's at the back. Can't have Grace missing it Jimmy: See if you can get one of them to spill coffee on you too. Everyone loves a heroic gesture and a clothes share 😏 Janis: 😂 Brilliant. Janis: Assuming Grace doesn't straight up throw it at me, I'll be sure to make that happen. Janis: I'll probably come chat to you at lunch tomorrow too. Can't have this springing out of nowhere, like, how implausible! 😏 You hang with Sean Bryne and that atm, yeah? Jimmy: Yeah we'll be in the smoking spot if not our usual corner Jimmy: I'll slide into the seat beside you the period after make it look like we got it really bad 💘 Janis: 👍 twos up on the ☠ 🚬 then, lad. what could be more romantic? Janis: good thinking, grace is in that class too and she's hopeless with maths so she won't be paying the slightest bit of attention to anything but the absolute scandal Jimmy: What should I call you so you don't wanna punch me in the dick as soon as I go in for a pet name? Janis: Eurgh, good shout, even if it is just to save your own bollocks, can't blame a boy. I don't fucking know, what's not vomit-inducing but also #couplegoals enough to make it worth the hassle? Janis: Blah, just remember my name, yeah, that'll have 'em creaming. Such courtesies are not often extended their way, like. Jimmy: Deal. And I'll # everything #JJ so you can block it from your feed easy Janis: Solid. Janis: Imma take a picture with your dog tomorrow, it best be fucking cute. Jimmy: [Takes a selfie with Twix and sends it] Do you? Jimmy: Not my #goals but should spark jealousy with the intended Janis: Cute. Janis: The dog ain't bad either. 😉 Janis: I'm getting in practice Jimmy: I'll do mine in the comments when it's posted Jimmy: How keen is cringe in the eyes of Gracie and her friends? Janis: You're asking a mouthful there. If you're too nice, they'll say you're boring. But they've gotta at least pretend they're feminists in this day and age so if you are too full of the bants and low-key treating me like shit, they're gonna have to pretend they ain't here for that even though that's every boyf they've ever had, na'mean? Janis: Just say something confusingly inappropriate for what is not gonna be a hot pic, isn't that how you lads do? Janis: I'll set you up with a lame caption Jimmy: Thanks. There's back room access in it for you Jimmy: Again not a private snapchat invite Janis: Steady on there, not until the 3rd date, at least! 😂 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Seriously though. You're not as much of a bitch as everyone says. Nice one. Janis: Well, don't be spreading that backhander about, will ya? Janis: You've got a rep to make, that's a bit of mine I'd like to protect Jimmy: 🤐