#after that fic is done (which should be in the next couple weeks since there's only a couple more chapters left)

[faerykingdom]

I'm LOCKED. IN.

[girlgenius1111]

that night was a mistake.

from a request for a childhood friends to lovers fic with Ona and reader :)

I had intended for this to be... significantly shorter and significantly less angsty but this is what I came up with and i'm rolling with it.

there will be at least one more part

tw. homophobia [not accepting parents]. panic attack. no smut... yet.

The news of Ona signing onto play at Barca should not have filled your stomach with butterflies, but it did. It should have just been an exciting piece of information to receive , but it wasn't. Instead, it sent you spiraling back to your youth, your confusing friendship with Ona. The way you'd left things. It had been a while since you'd seen each other, really seen each other. You'd stepped away from the national team like everyone else had, but unlike Ona, you had not gone back. Even then, you hadn't been around her much since you'd both played on the Barcelona B team. Since you'd so incredibly, so inexplicably fucked things up. The idea of seeing Ona again, not just for a week or two, but every day, was more than a little overwhelming.

Which is how you found yourself on Mapi and Ingrid's front porch at 10pm, the day Ona's signing had been announced. It only occurred to you that you probably looked like a mess, and your unexpected arrival would probably concern your older friends, once you'd already knocked. The door flew open before you could rethink your actions, and Mapi's surprised face stared back at you, quickly turning into one of concern.

"Are you ok? What happened?" Her voice was filled with worry, and you suddenly wished you'd come up with any other plan than the one you'd chosen.

"Um. I'm not really sure. Do you have a second to talk?" Your voice sounded shaky despite your best efforts to steady it, and Mapi's eyebrows creased even further, as she wordlessly stepped aside to let you in, putting a comforting hand on your shoulder, leading you to the couch.

Mapi looked at you with a searching gaze and asked, "Do you want me to get Ingrid?" after you'd perched on the couch, looking around for the defender's other half without even really realizing it. You paused, considering, before nodding your head, deciding that you needed to pull yourself together before you spoke again. Mapi disappeared into the bedroom, clearly taking a minute to explain that you were sitting on their couch and acting weird to Ingrid, as you heard muffled voices.

You focused on the little details of the room, attempting to force yourself back into the present. You loved Mapi and Ingrid's place. It was so them. So domestic. The comfy couch, the decorations that were clearly chosen by the Norwegian. The various items left strewn about on the counter, that could only have been left there by Mapi. You felt safe there, you reminded yourself. Ingrid and Mapi would never judge you. They'd do their best to understand, and maybe they'd be able to help.

Lost in your thoughts, you didn't realize the couple had walked into the room until you felt Ingrid's hand grab yours gently, her green eyes meeting yours, filled with so much concern, you felt yourself wilt a little.

"What's going on nena?" Mapi questioned as she took a seat on the couch next to Ingrid. You took a deep breath, deciding to launch into the story before you could change your mind.

It made sense that you were confiding in the older couple. You were young when you'd joined Barca, and Mapi had taken you under her wing. She'd become fiercely protective of you, and Ingrid had quickly followed suit when they'd gotten together. You told them everything. All of it. You'd never done that before, not with anyone. What had happened lived inside a little box in your head that you never let even yourself open.

You started from the beginning, how you and Ona had been really close when you'd played on the B team together. Best friends, before anything else. As you got older, things got different. The two of you got closer, until you were... confusingly close. Maybe it was only confusing to you; you'd been incredibly repressed back then. Staunchly convinced you weren't gay. Deep down, you had known, you'd always known. But that wasn't a reality you thought you could have, not with your parents being the way they were. Ona didn't seem to have the same problems that you did, always shrugging her shoulders at questions about the closeness of the 2 of you, as if she didn't care, when the same questions made you lose your breath, terrified of the implications.

Maybe it shouldn't have been surprising to you, then, when she'd kissed you. It was the obvious direction things were headed, but as she pressed her lips to yours in the dark of the club on her 18th birthday, all you could think was that this would ruin everything. It didn't matter how good it felt, how perfect her lips felt against yours, soft and tasting of cherry chapstick and tequila. It only mattered that you couldn't do this. Not you. Not with a girl, even Ona. It was fine if it was anyone else that was gay, it just wasn't fine if it was you.

So you'd pulled back, even though it killed you to do so. You watched the hurt flash across her face as you told her that you couldn't do this, as you backed away from her, out of the club, and walked all the way home. And even though you wanted to pretend that what happened had not mattered, it had. Because when you got home, you took one look at your parents sitting in the living room, at the crosses that hung on chains from their necks, the picture of fucking Jesus on the wall. And the words left your mouth before you could stop them. The kiss with Ona had changed something in you, and you couldn't go back.

"I'm gay." You had said, voice full of confidence, even as your heart pounded in your chest. They'd asked you to repeat yourself, and you had. They didn't seem surprised, only disappointed . Disappointed as they told you they expected you to move out the minute you turned 18, that they wouldn't support that kind of behavior. You hadn't fought them, hadn't yelled. You'd simply walked back into your bedroom, letting tears fall silently as you felt your family and your best friend, your Ona, slip away from you. She'd never really talked to you after that. She lifted out of your life like she'd never been in it. You never tried to explain yourself, determined that you could only be bad for Ona, that she was better off without you, without your mess.

At this point in the story, you were crying, tears streaming down your face as you admitted the truth for the first time. You lifted your gaze to see Mapi's face contorted in anger, Ingrid's eyes filled with tears. If you hadn't been so upset, you might have laughed at how typical their reactions were. Wiping your face harshly, you continued.

"I moved out the day I turned 18. Ona went to Madrid, and I stayed at Barca, and she never looked at me the same way again. I destroyed her that night, and I never told her why, never told her that I hadn't meant it. I'd just let her go. And now she's coming back, and I don't think I know how to be around her, how to talk to her like I haven't loved her with every inch of my soul for 6 years. And I just. Don't know what to do," your voice broke on the last word, and the sobs you'd been bravely holding in broke free, loud and filled with pain, filling the air.

It wasn't even a second before you felt yourself being pulled into Ingrid's arms, and you held on to her rather desperately, hand fisting into the soft material of her sweater, letting yourself fall apart completely against her. Her hands rubbed your back softly, and you felt Mapi scoot closer, pulling both of you into her arms. You cried until you couldn't cry anymore, and they remained a steady presence, holding you tightly until your sobs slowed to pathetic little sniffles you hated. You pulled away from them after several minutes, taking a deep breath, wiping the tears off your face, already knowing your breakdown would be evident the next morning.

Mapi handed you a glass of water that she'd seemingly procured from thin air and you gulped it down. You finally raised your head to meet their eyes, fearing the pity you would see there. You didn't find it; you only found empathy. You didn't miss the way Ingrid's hand was gripping Mapi's, or the way the sight of it made your heart clench, and your brain immediately fill with thoughts of Ona.

"Thank you for telling us that. I don't really know what to say, other than that you didn't deserve that from your parents." Ingrid spoke softly, as if she'd scare you away if she spoke in her normal voice. The two of them had always known something had happened between you and your parents, and between you and Ona, but you never spoke of it. Ever.

You nodded once, shooting Ingrid a weak smile, before looking to Mapi. She loved Ona, and you weren't really sure how she would act in response to your self perceived transgressions. She surprised you, as she often does, by taking one of your hands in hers. You focused on the tattoos littering her arms, instead of meeting her eyes.

"You can't beat yourself up for this, carino. You were just a kid, you were scared, and you were just trying to survive. It's been 6 years, maybe it's time you try to explain what happened to Ona." Her words were gentle, carrying a seriousness you rarely heard from the defender.

You shook your head. "She probably hates me. I led her on, and I ruined our friendship, and I didn't try to apologize or explain myself in the 6 years that have passed. It's not like I haven't had the chance, we see each other at national duties all the time."

"Well... then you just do what you do at camp. You be friendly, and you let her come to you. If she wants to talk, she'll tell you," she replied, as if it was the simplest thing in the world. That was one of your favorite things about Mapi. She always respected your decisions, even if they weren't the ones she would make. She never tried to change your mind when you were set on something.

"It'll take time to get used to her being here, but it'll work out," Ingrid chimed in. Suddenly, it all felt less intense than it had before. You could deal with this. Either you'd end up talking to her, or you wouldn't. Everything would be fine. Your friends were right, it would all work out.

"Thank you guys. Really. I'm sorry for bothering you with this, I know it's a lot," you tried to express your apologies, feeling like you'd maybe been a little dramatic, but they stopped you.

"No, y/n, you don't need to apologize. Both of us have told you to come to us if you need help; you did, and we're glad. We're always happy to help you." Mapi spoke firmly, leaving no room for argument. You nodded again, eyes a little watery again, mumbling another quiet thank you.

You yawned then, absolutely exhausted from the emotional ordeal you'd put yourself through. The other girls chuckled lightly, pulling you to lay down on the couch and covering you with a blanket. They left you to rest, with promises that everything would feel easier in the morning.

-----

Months passed, and you found yourself surrounded by reminders of the brunette defender you felt so conflicted about. Everyone was excited about her return to Barcelona, and the world cup she won only increased everything. You managed to keep your head on straight, not losing your mind and having a breakdown like you had in June. Your friends kept a close eye on you, Mapi hovering over you, the same way she did with Patri and Claudia in the weeks of the world cup, maybe a little extra concerned with you. Ingrid kept tabs on you through Mapi, and she called you often, asking searchingly how you were doing, as if she expected you to freak out again.

Your first interaction with Ona wasn't on her first day with the team. It came on your return from Mexico with the rest of the team that hadn't played in the final. Obviously, you'd seen Ona plenty over the past few years. She did her best to avoid you, which made sense, but total lack of contact wasn't possible when you played on the same national team. You didn't know what made today different, why your heart was pounding as you walked into the locker room on the first day back at training after the Mexico tour. It was different this time; more permanent. It wasn't just a few weeks of letting Ona avoid you; it was months of seeing each other every day.

You neared the locker room, and you heard loud voices echoing out of it. You weren't surprised, it was the first time the team was all back together since June, and there was a lot to catch up on. You entered, taking a deep breath, and walked to your locker, responding as the room echoed with greetings towards you. Your eyes immediately found Ona, sitting relaxed in her cubby, talking to Aitana and Mariona. She looked gorgeous. Even in the plain grey and black training top, her hair sitting loose around her shoulders, she was breathtaking.

She laughed at something Mario said, throwing her head back as she did. You couldn't pull your eyes off of her. She looked over at you then, still chuckling at whatever ridiculous joke Mariona had just told. She caught your eye, and you saw her smile fall slightly, an unreadable looking flashing through her eyes before she fixed her smile, raising her hand in a small wave. You returned the gesture, before forcing yourself to look away, walking to Ingrid's cubby, and wordlessly taking a seat on the ground in front of the bench. You handed her your hairbrush, avoiding the searching looks her and Mapi sent you, silently asking the Norwegian to fix your hair. She did, after giving your shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Your first practice back was good, as were the rest of the practices leading up to your first game. The team worked well together, and it felt indescribably good to be back on the pitch with everyone. Especially Ona. The two of you played together just as well as you always had, her passes always miraculously finding you, and you miraculously finding the goal. Your chemistry would have been hard to miss, which is how you found yourselves paired up more often than not. She kept your conversations to small talk, but she was always kind, and if you hadn't known her as well as you did, you would have missed the way she always seemed to hold back around you. Not that you could blame her.

You congratulated her with a high five when she was told she was starting the first game, and tried to ignore how the feeling of her hand against yours sent electric shocks through your body. You guys kept your distance, until you couldn't anymore.

----

Your first game was an away game in Madrid, and you knew from the second you saw Ona on the coach on the way to the pitch that she was nervous. She sat next to Aitana, bouncing her knee, fiddling with her fingers, not saying a word. You'd never seen her this nervous before, and it had you worried. You must have been staring because suddenly the empty seat next to you was filled, and Mapi was plopping down next to you.

"Staring, are we?" she asked with a wry smile, making sure to keep her voice quiet.

"No," you responded defensively, "she just seems really nervous, I was just making sure she was ok."

"... by staring at her?"

"Fuck off. Would you just ask her if she's ok when we get there? Please?" Your voice took on a pleading tone, and Mapi sighed before responding.

"Of course. But you don't need to make sure someone is checking on her-- she has a lot of friends on the team, you aren't the only one who has noticed." she nodded to Alexia and Irene, who were both stealing glances at Ona every so often. Obviously. The captains would check on her. Not you. It wasn't your place.

You simply nodded in response, swallowing the inexplicable lump in your throat at the completely reasonable implication that Ona did not need you. You turned your attention out the window then, watching the cityscape pass you by, focusing on the game ahead, the music playing in your ears. Mapi got the message, moving back to her spot next to Ingrid with a soft pat on your knee.

You arrived at the stadium shortly after, and you forced all thoughts of Ona out of your brain. You got ready for the game, following all of your little rituals. You'd been successful in not thinking about Ona until you left the room with Pina to get tape for your ankles from one of the medical rooms. You were laughing about something as you pushed the door open, but did not find the room empty like you had expected. Instead, Ona was sitting on the floor of the room, knees pulled to her chest, as she frantically tried to catch her breath. You and Pina fell silent, taking in the scene in front of you. Ona was so out of it, she hadn't noticed you enter.

Thinking fast, you turned to Pina, keeping your voice quiet but firm. "Go get Alexia. Don't tell anyone else anything, or she'll be embarrassed. Just get Alexia." Pina nodded, face alarmed and pale, before dashing out of the room. You moved closer to Ona, taking a careful seat on the cold floor next to her.

"Oni? Can you look at me?" You carefully reached a hand out, placing it gently on her back, and she jumped at the contact, hand snapping towards you. Her face was streaked with tears, and she was gasping for air desperately, clearly in the throes of a bad panic attack. It wasn't the first time that you'd seen her like this, and you hoped that she still responded to the things that worked 6 years ago. You also hoped she wouldn't tell you to get out before Alexia could get there.

You started to rub soft circles onto her back, and she leaned slightly into you, resting her head back on her knees. You began to talk to her, trying to bring her out of her head.

"You're okay Oni, just take your time. Slow your breathing down. Everything is ok." You spoke as soothingly as you could, but before you could really tell if what you were doing was working, the door to the room opened softly, and Alexia slipped inside, brow furrowed in concern.

Alexia looked very official in her uniform, already with the captain's armband on, and as softly as she looked at Ona as she took a spot next to her, you knew she would bring the security and authority necessary to calm Ona down.

The midfielder guided Ona's head off her knees, speaking softly to her, taking one of Ona's hands in her own, and pressing it to her chest.

"With me, Ona. Breathe with me. You're fine, we've got you, just match my breaths." Alexia could have possibly the most soothing voice in the world when she wanted to, and Ona immediately responded, fighting to slow her breathing down.

She began to calm, and you decided to slip out, and give Ona the space you assumed she'd want. As you moved to stand, however, a hand reached out, grabbing yours tightly. You looked down in surprise, seeing Ona's flushed face looking up at you. Her deep brown eyes shimmered with tears, wordlessly pleading with you to stay, and without a second thought, you sat back down, entwining your fingers with hers, and squeezing tightly.

Alexia continued to talk to her softly, her eyes occasionally lifting to glance at you, an unreadable expression on your captain's face. Once Ona's breathing had returned to normal, she sighed heavily, leaning her head back to rest against the wall.

"Sorry." She croaked out, and you opened your mouth to assure her she had nothing to be sorry for, but Alexia beat you to it.

"No, I've told you before, you never have to be sorry for this. It makes sense that you're nervous, it's your first game, but we all have complete confidence in you." Her voice was firm, and left no room to argue, as Ona nodded once. Alexia rose to her feet, and you followed, each of you offering Ona a hand, pulling her to her feet. The two of you trailed out of the room after Alexia, who seemed to have the incredible gift of knowing when 2 people needed to speak to each other alone, as she sent you a look you couldn't decipher, before speeding up and heading back into the locker room.

Ona turned to you, coming to a stop, and you noticed the that you were still holding her hand. It had felt so right, so natural, you hadn't given it a second thought. You pulled your hand away, after giving hers another squeeze, forcing yourself to meet her eyes. The hallway was empty around you, though you could hear the faint sound of you teammates, and the crown outside, every molecule in your body was focused on Ona's eyes boring into yours.

"Thank you. I really appreciate it. Sitting with me, and getting Alexia. Thank you, y/n." Her voice was quiet, but her eyes were determined, and you felt like you were really speaking to her for the first time in years. You decided to speak freely then, hoping that some level of honesty would make her feel better.

"Of course, Ona. I know things got... weird. And we never talked about it. But i'm your friend, i'm always gonna be here for you." You said the words gently, hoping your voice conveyed the sincerity you felt. One looked at you searchingly then, as if contemplating . You kept your gaze on hers, not allowing yourself to get distracted by the freckles that covered her face, or the way her jaw twitched as she tried to decide what to say.

"Would you maybe wanna get coffee tomorrow? At the place we used to go to? We're gonna be spending a lot of time together, and it probably makes sense if we talk." her words were hesitant, as if she wasn't really sure she should be saying them.

"Yes! Yes. I... I'd really like that." Your voice came out embarrassingly earnest, and you tried to recover, but the look on Ona's face told you that it hadn't worked. She nodded, sending you a slightly more confident smile. She raised a hand to brush over your upper arm, and you had to work hard to keep your body from shuddering at the featherlight touch.

"Good. We should go get ready though." Her smile seemed genuine, and she turned to head into the locker room. You stood in the hall for a second, replaying the light touch to your arm over and over, before you shook your head, and followed her path into the locker room.

----

part 2 will be less horribly depressing and a lot sexier i promise.

[bbrissonn]

𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 - 𝐣𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐬

in which you lay alone in your bed at night wondering where your relationship with the young star went wrong

disclaimer: english is not my first language and this is not proofread so please excuse any errors and if any words are missing add them in your head :) also this is a work of fiction, this doesn’t reflect how these boys act in real life, and it isn’t how i imagine them acting 

HUGH DISCLAIMER: this fic doesnt have a clear ending. i literally have no motivation to continue this, but i cannot find it in myself to start my next work for this album until this one is out. so yeah, sorry about that :)

warnings: angst, swearing , not proofread  

pairing: jack hughes x reader

wc: 2.6k (including lyrics)

guts masterlist

Cat got my tongue

And I don’t think I get along with anyone

Blood runnin’ cold

I’m on the outside of the greatest inside joke

And I hate all my clothes

Feels like my skin doesn’t fit right over my bones

So I guess I should go

The party’s done, and I’m no fun, I know, I know

I know, I know

Ever since you had moved to New York in early 2022, it felt like it had been living a lie. Like this life you were living wasn’t yours, like you had just stolen it from someone. Growing up, you had always been homeschooled, meaning your social life was slime to none. So, it was safe to say that when you chose to move to New York for a job your mom’s friend had offered you, you were scared. 

You only had two real friends, who you barely ever saw because of their busy scheduled with school before, and even more now since you three were all over the country doing your own things. Luckily for you, there was a girl only 2-3 years older than you at your job, meaning you had someone to talk to if you felt the need. After a month of two, the two of you became friends, growing ever closer when you realized you lived in apartment blocks next to each other. 

Which is how you found yourself at a bar on a saturday night in October of that year. Mailey had convinced you to come with her, claiming the two of you needed to decompress from your busy week at work. You rolled your eyes at first, but agreed none the less. Ever since this summer, you found yourself starting to go out more, joining Mailey and her friends every once in a while. Only this time was so much different than the others. 

There was a big group of maybe 20ish guys, age ranging from young adults to full grown men, taking up most of the place. The two of you were confused, seeing as this bar barely ever had people coming in, and it was mainly the same people coming here every week. So, a group of random guys neither of them had seen around before certainly peeked your interest. 

“What do you think they’re doing here?” You asked as the two of you sat down at your usual spot. The group occupying the opposite side of the room. 

“Don’t know. But they’re not buying that cheap booze.” Mailey mumbled, her eyes focused on the insane amount of liquor at the couple of tables they were occupying. The two of you eventually started forgetting about them, talking about random things that happened throughout the week. 

“Not to freak you out, but there’s a guy that keeps looking at you. A cute guy.” The girl across from you said after about an hour of the two of you being there. You furred your brows slightly at her words, before turning your head in their direction. That’s when you met his eyes for the first time. He had a slight grin on his face as he stared into your eyes, nodding along to whatever the guy next to him was saying. You sent him a small smile, waving slightly, which he answered with a nod. 

“More like hot guy.” You mumbled, looking back over at your best friend. You had had a couple of flings here and there, but nothing ever serious, and you were never used to getting boys’ attention on a night out. 

“He’s going to the bar. Go talk to him.” Mailey announced, making you turn your head to look at him. At the same time, he looked over at your table, sending you a small wink when your eyes met. 

“Rich coming from someone who always says girls don’t chase, they attract.” You teased, making her roll her eyes. You eventually decided to go up to him later that night, talking for a bit before exchanging numbers. Jack, you learned his name was, didn’t seem to want to get into talking about his group of friend too much, so you kept all your questions to yourself. 

Over the next couple of weeks, the two of you got to know each other. Your friendship slowly formed and the two of you grew closer each other. But, clearly Jack was still holding back on some stuff. He still refused to open up about his friends and what he does as a living exactly. You told yourself that he’d tell you when he was ready, but you were getting a little impatient, which is why you pretty much forced the answer out of him when you went over to his apartment one day. 

“When are you gonna tell me?” You asked, pausing the show the two of you were watching. Your words made him look over at you, a confused expression on his face as his eyes met yours. 

“What do you mean?” 

“When are you gonna tell me truth, Jack. If that’s even your name.” You sassed, making the boy next to you let out a deep sigh as he threw his head back. 

“D’you wanna see my birth certificate?” He answered coldly, making you scoff. “What I do doesn’t matter, Y/N, so just drop it.” 

“If it doesn’t matter than why won’t you tell me, Jack? You know pretty much everything about me and my life, and barely know anything from yours. God, you won’t even tell me the names of your brothers!” 

“Why do you care so much?” 

“Because I like you, Jack! And… and I though you liked me back, but clearly I was wrong.” You admitted, standing up from your spot on the couch as you started packing up your things. “Just forget it.” You mumbled as you started making your way to the door. You were stopped right as you were about to grab onto the doornob. 

“Y/N, wait!” He said, grabbing your wrist and turning you around before you could leave. “I like you too, Y/N, and I’m sorry I haven’t been honest with you, but I didn’t want what I do in life to influence how you see me. I’ve had way too many people use me and I didn’t want that to happen again because I really like you.” 

“Jack, I made it clear hundreds of that time that I what you do in life wouldn’t change the way I see you, but you kept hiding from me. It makes me feel like you don’t trust me.” You explained with a scoff. The boy in front of you sighed before cupping your face in his head, his forehead leaning against yours. 

“I know, I know, I should’ve told you a long time ago. But what we have, it’s really special to me, and it’s so good. I didn’t want to ruin it.” 

“You’d have to be a serial killer for me to change my mind about how I feel, Jack.” 

“Stay. Please. I’ll tell you everything, I promise, just don’t leave me, please.” He begged, his thumbs rubbing small circles under your eyes. You swallowed harshly before slightly nodding your head yes. Jack then brough the two of you back to his couch, and he stuck to his promise. He started going on and on about his life, starting with the fact that he played hockey for the Devils. Then he moved on to telling you pretty much every single memory he had about the sport, a wide grin plastered on his face. 

In exchange, you opened up to him about some of the insecurities you had because you were homeschooled, including having to attened big parties and being surrounded by large crowds. Jack had promised that was something he would never put your through, but you quickly learned that his promise meant nothing to him. 

I broke a glass, I tripped and fell

I told secrets I shouldn’t tell

I stumbled over all my words

I made it weird, I made it worse

Each time I step outside, it’s social suicide

It’s social suicide, wanna curl up and die

It’s social suicide

It had now been three months since Jack asked you out. You had met his brother Luke when the boy came to visit, talked to his parents through face time a while ago, but you had yet to met his friends. You tried hard not to let it bother you, but it did. He didn’t want you attending his games either, claiming he didn’t want people to hate on you because you were his girlfriend. You couldn’t help but overthink the fact that maybe it was just because you were his girlfriend.

You had seen pictures of the other players wives and girlfriends, and you looked nothing like them. They all seemed so outgoing and the life of the party. Not to mention all of the models Jack followed, all of them being the exact opposite of you. You had questioned him about it one night, he just scoffed and said you were being petty and pathetic asking him a question like that. 

“J?” You called out. His arms were wrapped around your waist, your back pressed against his chest. 

“Mm?”

“When am I gonna meet your friends?” You asked quietly, making the boy sigh harshly against the back of your neck. 

“Got to sleep, Y/N.” He mumbled. 

“Could you at least answer me?” 

“I don’t know, okay? Your weird fear of crowds or whatever makes it impossible for you to meet them all at the same time, and I’m not gonna go through the burden of setting up little dates with my teammates just so you can meet them. Can I sleep now, mother?” He answered harshly as his arms left your frame and he turned around, his back to yours. You felt tears prikle in your eyes at his words. 

“I can handle it.” Your voice was low, not trusting your voice not to crack if you talked any louder. Jack let yet another sigh at your words. 

“We’re getting together after the game tomorrow, come if you want.” 

“To your game?” You asked hopeful. You were growing tired of just watching him play through your TV screen, when he was close to your home. 

“No. After.” And just like that, all your hope was crushed. 

“What should I wear?” 

“I don’t know, and I don’t care.” He grumbled, getting out of bed making your head snap towards him as he approached the door. 

“Where are you going?” 

“Guest room. I need peace and you keep talking.” Was the last thing he said before leaving the room. When you woke up the next morning, he was gone, no text no notes, nothing. He didn’t come back for his pregame nap either, which scared you a little. But all your nerves went away when his face appeared on your Instagram feed, a bright smile on his face as the picture the Devils posted illuminated your screen. 

All of your texts to Jack had gone unanswered, as well as your calls. Thankfully, you knew where the team would be heading after the game, it was a local bar near the rink they went to almost every time after a game. You had gotten there a lot later than everyone, spending thirty minutes in your car deciding whether or not Jack would still want you there. You figured there was only one way to find out so in you went. 

The place was crowded, the music loud as the bartenders prepared multiple drinks. Realistically, there wasn’t that many people here, just the team and a couple other regulars, it was just a really small room. It took you a couple of minutes to spot Jack, who was sitting at a table with a couple of his friends and lots of girls. You tried to look as confident as possible as you made your way over to him. Some of his friends and their partners started at you, wondering what someone like you was doing here. 

“Jack?” You called out as you stood behind him. His arm was resting on the chair of a pretty blond girl next to him. You couldn’t quite describe the look in his eyes when his head turned to face you, but the words he was about to say completely crushed you. 

“Do I know you?” He questioned, and you could feel your heart shatter inside of you. You tried your best to keep a brave face on, but you were dying on the inside. 

“J, come one, this isn’t funny. I’ve been texting and calling all day, you were gone when I woke up this morning.” You mumbled, taking a step closer to him. The girl on his right could read you perfectly, and she realized that you two were a couple. When it clicked in her mind, she sent the boy a judging look before standing from her seat and walking back to her friends. 

Jack got up right after her, gripping your wrist and dragging you outside the bar. “What’re you doing here?” He asked harshly once the two of you stood outside alone. 

“No! What are you doing, Jack?”

“I’m enjoying a night with my buddys!” 

“Yeah, the friends you said I could meet. Tonight!”

“When did I say that?” His words were harsh and rude, making your heart shatter even more. You truly did not understand why he always acted this way towards you lately, but you were growing tired of it. 

“Last night! You said I could come if I wanted to, and I want to be here, so here I am. And here you are, with your arm around another girl!” You said, your tone matching his. You were tired of letting him walk over you all the time. 

“I said that so you would shut up and leave me alone. God, you’re always just complaining about everything and anything. It’s like nothing’s ever enough for you, you always need more–” 

“Oh, nothing’s enough for me? What about you, huh? Am I not enough for you?” 

“There you go, making it about you like always.” 

“Because this is about me, Jack! I am your girlfriend of three months, and I don’t know any of your friends! It’s like you’re ashamed to be with me. Do your friends even know about me?” You asked. There were tears in the back of your eyes threatening to spill, but you blinked them away. You had cried enough over him for the last couple of weeks. The boy in front of you stayed silent at your question, making you scoff. 

“Of course they don’t know, just like your brother’s weren’t suppose to know, or your parents. You don’t want anyone to know that your girlfriend is me.” You spoke with your voice low. This exact though had been in the back of your mind for a long time, but saying it out loud made it feel so much more real. 

“Things were better before you knew–” 

“They were better for you! You lied to me for weeks, and you’re still lying. All you do is lie, Jack. I can’t believe I waisted so much time and energy on you. You never wanted this relationship, did you? You just wanted someone to fuck whenever you needed, someone to be there for you. You didn’t care who it was, you neved cared about me. You’re pathetic, seriously.” You mumbled before pushing past the hockey player and walking to your car. 

You were done with Jack Hughes.

[megs-1800]

Come Back to Me

Notes: I really enjoyed writing this one. 2 in one day aren't you guys lucky! Thank you for your support and please as usual please leave feedback and any further requests as it will help with ideas.

This is Part 3 to my previous fics, You can read part 1 (One hell of a hangover here and Part 2 (Then there is hope) here. This is again written from Mason's POV.

Summary: You and Mason finally get the chance to speak about all that happened. Will you be able to forgive him, will you go back to him?

Pairings: Mason Mount x Reader

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: Angst, Fluff and Heated make out session.

Mason is stood in the tunnel in old Trafford. His hands are shaking he is so nervous, its such a big game against Man City and United have to win. His brother is here as well as his sister with the girls and obviously his parents but he wished you were here, you were always his lucky charm and he always seems to play better when you were here.

The first half whistle blew and United were loosing 2-0 to City. Mason hadn’t had the best first half hardly touching the ball and when he did he lost the ball causing the first goal which the press were definitely going to mention. Great that’s all he needs right now. The gaffer was doing his half time talk, once he leaves Mason looks down at his phone and saw that there is a notification from you saying you have recently added to your story. Mason set notifications on your socials so every time you posted he was aware, since the break up he had to make sure you were okay. When he opened your Instagram story it showed a picture of you, you were in one of the stands in old Trafford behind the goal, you were stood on the steps looking at the pitch with your back to the camera and you had your Manchester United shirt on with Mount 7 on the back with the caption ��Routing on United”. She is here I thought. I cannot believe it she is here. By the picture she is obviously sitting in one of the main stands and not sitting in the area where all the family and WAGs sit, I get that she probably knows my family will be here and doesn’t want to face them just yet.

My mind drifts off to a week ago when I attend your charity event, I asked you to come to this game which you said you would think about. I know the breakup was hard on both of us and I needed you here today, I thought if you came it might mean we have a chance. I messaged you that night after the charity event once I got back to the hotel, after seeing you “It was amazing seeing you tonight, well done again on winning the award and you looked absolutely incredible. Thank you for thinking about coming to the game this weekend it would be great to see you again x”. I got no reply until the following morning which you wrote “Hey Mase, yeah it was great seeing you too. Sorry for the late reply I crashed last night I had too much to drink. But how you doing anyway? x”. We continued talking all day, I got one of the boys to drive home instead so I could spend the whole drive speaking to you. It was so good, I thought maybe seeing eachother last night changed things for you but your non replies the next couple of days obviously proved me wrong. I got fed up of you not replying so I sent “So you just not replying to me now? I cannot believe you are ignoring me”. You gave me a quick response to that “What do you want me to say Mase, we cannot just pretend you didn��t cheat on me and broke my heart I just need you to leave me alone Mase I cannot do this”. I was angry at that reply I know I should of calmed down before I replied but I was just so angry that you gave me hope a couple of days ago when we were talking all day then you took it all away again, “You know what fuck off y/n.” You quickly went to delete the message but you read it before I could, I know I shouldn’t of said that I just let my anger overall me. Great I just blew my chance of getting you back. Rashford pulled me out of my trance “Come on bro, lets go give the fans a show”. I definitely will now knowing she is watching.

What a 2nd half we were all over City, we scored earlier on in the second half which I had an assist and I got the second goal, when I scored I ran over to the net you were standing behind and pointed to the stands That goal was for you baby girl. It was the 95th minute of 5 minutes of added time, City get a corner we just need to defend, it gets headed straight out and I bring it down. I look up the pitch and just start running before I knew it I am in the six yard box as I go to shoot suddenly I am taken out. The ref blows that’s a penalty. Bruno steps up to take it and shoots it straight in the top right corner. Ref blows the whistle for full time. I knew I needed my lucky charm.

I never got ready so quickly to leave, the boys were all celebrating the win, I didn’t care I just wanted to leave so I can see you. I was just hoping that you were still waiting around for me. When I left I was greeted by my family, they congratulated me on the win and my performance. My mum could tell I looked disappointment, I love seeing them but I needed to see you I had to sort things out. Mum looked at me “She didn’t want to hang around, she said this wasn’t the right environment to see eachother again” My heart broke I cannot believe how close I was to seeing you again and that’s it my dreams were shattered again, even my family got to see you and I didn’t. “So I gave her the key to your place I hope that’s okay, she said she will meet you there. At least you two can speak properly that way”. Damn I love my mum she always has my back, I know she is routing for me and y/n she wants us back together as well. I smiled and said goodbye to them all, we are having a roast at theirs tomorrow anyway and I rush home I need to see her.  

As I pull into the drive way I feel that rush of anxiety, I don’t even know what to say. How am I going to make this okay? As I walk through the door I can see you are sat there all curled up on the sofa on your phone. You stand up to come and greet me. “Hey mase.. your mum gave me your key I promise I didn’t break in” We both laugh at that comment “you played amazing today well done, make me so proud to wear your shirt”. I smile I look her up and down, she is  so beautiful. “You look so beautiful wearing my shirt” She gives me a small smile “Just don’t tell my dad that I wore a united shirt he would go mad that I have betrayed (your teams name).” I giggle at that comment we know how much you love your team it took me years for you to wear one of my shirts in public. “Of course not it will be our little secret. United are better then (your teams name) anyway”. I say smiling away, I think I am flirting a little. I don’t know what to say, we used to talk all day everyday and now I don’t know what to say, its like we are strangers.

“Are you ready to hear me out?” I said hopefully. You nodded and allow me to continue, I can see your hands shaking you are nervous all I want to do is hug you. “I am sorry for everything, I should of never allowed us to argue that night, I never should of got that drunk, I never should of slept with that girl and I never should of kept it from you. I should of told you and been a man about it. Its just that you are the best thing that ever happened to me y/n and I was scared of loosing you. I promise if you give me a chance I will do better”.  I looked into your eyes, I am trying to read your reactions so I know what you are going to say next but its all blank all I can see is the emotion in your eyes.

“Do better?!?! Are you fucking serious Mason. Do better! What do better not to sleep with another women or do better at keeping it from me?!” You are starting to raise your voice, this conversation is going to get heated. Your arguments always go one way or the other, it either ends in crying or shouting and today I was hoping for the crying as I do not have the energy. “I mean do better with us y/n, I will be a better boyfriend, I will be around more, show you how much you mean to me that’s what I mean”.

I can tell that sentence helped defuse the situation as I can see your rage starting to calm down and sadness has started to surface. “The thing is Mason you were the best thing to ever happen to me.. I loved you more then anything else in this world, I live and breathed for you and I saw you as someone who would never hurt me and now after everything you have put me through how can we go back to how we were? All day everyday all I think about is you Mason, you continue to ruin my life and its not fair!” You are now starting to heated again “I went on a date the other day Mason and all I could think about was you. Its not fair you keep messing with my head and my emotions and I came here to tell you to just leave me alone and let me get on with my life!” You screamed the last part.

“You went on a date?”  I questioned hurting. “Are you serious Mason?! That’s all you heard from that sentence is that I went on a date are you freaking kidding me right now Mount?!”. This time you are screaming and using your hands to talk so I know you are pissed. You continued “But to answer your question yes Mason I did go on a date, and I am allowed I have been single for nearly 8 months.” I looked down at the ground, I was so broken after the break up I couldn’t even think about any other girl let alone going on a date with one, I cannot believe you went on one, however at the same time I cannot blame you. You are an amazing girl you cannot be single forever. “What was it like?” I asked sheepishly don’t know if I wanted the answer if I am being honest. “It was good!” You basically spit at me, you then look down and shake your head “It was shit Mase, the whole date I was comparing him to you, I was sitting there thinking Mason wouldn’t do that, or Mason would do this! It was awful Mason because he was a nice guy but nope you gotta fucking ruin it”. You just kept screaming at me you wouldn’t stop, I didn’t know what else to do that’s when I run across the room and put my lips to yours. It was a passionate kiss, it was the only way I could think of to get you to shut up. I went to pull away that’s when you grabbed my neck and pulled me closer. You deepened the kiss and I can feel your tongue in my mouth. I could feel the neediness in the kiss, the desperation, the anger. Your lips are all over mine and I let you control it. You push me down on the sofa and you straddle my hips and continue the kiss. I can feel you grinding on me, Fuck I forgot what you do to me that’s when you moved your lips to my neck and suddenly starting attacking my neck. I can feel you sucking and kissing away. I know you are leaving me a love bite but I love the feeling of you doing it, I put my head back to enjoy it. Fuck you are so sexy. That’s when the realisation hits me, we cannot do this, not like this. You are doing this because you are angry and upset I don’t want you back this way and if we continue this is going to make the situation a 100 times more complicated. “Baby” You don’t stop it just gives you more fuel to continue “Y/n” I try and again nothing. I then try again “Y/n stop!” This time I said pushing you, I didn’t realise how hard I pushed because suddenly you are on the floor.

You look at me with disappointment in your eyes, I was scared I hurt you so I went to give you a hand up which you just rolled your eyes and stood up yourself. “I don’t get you Mason, you came to my charity event and all those texts and calls begging for me to come back and now I am here giving you exactly what you want and you push me away! What the fuck do you want Mason make up your mind?!” She has tears rolling down her face and the anger is back. “I want you y/n.. not just to sleep with I want all of you I want you back to being mine! When we get to have that closeness again I want to make love y/n not just a little fuck, but I want to make sure that you are mine again before that happens because I defiantly will not be able to cope if we sleep together and then you walk away”. This time I can feel the tears rolling down my eyes.

You look so broken, I can see the tears running down your face and the way you are trying to control your breathing to stop from hyperventilating. You just shake your head and make a walk to the front door. You pick your weekend bag up from the floor and put it over your left shoulder and turn around to face me. This all feels too familiar I am having flashbacks of the night you left. “Please don’t go”, It comes out just has a whisper due to the amount of crying its barely even audible I am not sure if you even heard it. You turn back towards the door and stand there, you stand there for about 30 seconds. I wonder what you are doing. You turn to look at me, your eyes are all red and puffy, I just want to take the pain away.

You go to say something but choke so you cough and try again “We can try again, but we are taking it slow Mase. I am not moving back in and we go back to how we were before because I cannot cope with that, I am not giving my whole life up again for you to ruin it. I am staying in my flat in (Your hometown) and we can do the long distance until I know I can trust you again and I can figure out what I can do about my company”. I look at her in disbelief she agreed we can try again, did I hear her right? I just stand there staring at her, I am in shock I have been dreaming of this since you left but I never thought you would take me back. We continue to stand there until she says “are you go to say anything?” I smile at you and I run across the entrance hall and wrap my arms around you. I give you the biggest hug I think we ever had like I will never let you go. You pull away from the hug “so what do you say Mase?” I smile at her, I am so happy right now I want to stay in this moment forever. “Of course, I will do anything y/n to make you mine again, whatever it is we will make it work. Does this mean I have to wait for 2 months of talking and 3 dates before you put out?” I wink at you and you laugh “well that depends on how amazing the dates are”. You wink at me.

“I am not really sure where I am staying tonight, I didn’t get that far in my plan I just kind of focused on seeing you.. is it okay for me to stay here tonight? Its completely okay if not I will get a hotel”. I bring your chin to look at me as we are still in a full cuddle. “Are you kidding me y/n, you do not need to even ask whenever you want to stay you stay okay, even if I am not here”.  You smiled and pulled away from the hug. “Okay thank you, I am just going to take my bag upstairs then and get changed into something more comfortable. What you cooking me for dinner I am bloody starving?”. I laugh of course always thinking about food, then I remember I really do not have much in at the moment, I haven’t really bothered since you moved out I just got what I wanted on a daily basis never really planned ahead. “You got get changed I will order us something in”. You nod and start walking up the spiral staircase. You stop halfway up “Mase” you caught my attention and I stopped in my tracks “I saw your family today, it was so good to see them! They invited me over for the family roast tomorrow I wanted to make sure if that’s okay? I didn’t want it to be awkward for you” Of course she can come I love how my family have already offered for her to come I love that. “Of course it would be amazing to have you there, they have all missed you especially Summer and Mila they keep asking where auntie y/n/n is”. You giggle at the memories of those girls, you love them like your own nieces. “Great. Your mum said I need to bring the dessert as she wants my baking so I am going to go out tomorrow morning and get the ingredients and make something to go with”. I know how much my family love your baking. At that you run up the rest of the stairs to the landing upstairs.

I go to sit on the sofa in the living room and pull out my phone, I stop at my families group chat. I write “She came back to me guys, she came back. She cannot wait to see you all tomorrow”. I put the phone down and rest my head on the back of the sofa and let the relief overcome me. I cannot believe she has come back to me. My mind wanders to the engagement ring in my bedside table, I brought it a couple of weeks before ‘you know what’ happened, I was going to propose whilst we had our weekend away in Paris but I never got the chance. I never wanted to take it back just in case, it was tailor made to you. I smiled at the thought that I might get to use that again one day. You came back to me.

[bellaxgiornata]

October Update Information

Tuna-Tober starts next week and I figured I'd give a bit of information about what to expect from me during this next month. It's fitting this writing challenge happens during my birthday month and after reaching over three thousand of y'all lovely people following me! I have absolutely no idea how we got here and I want to celebrate, but I am far too busy to do a follower event specifically. BUT I'll be dropping quite a few fics throughout the month of October for Tuna-Tober so we can pretend it's serving multiple celebration purposes! It's like my birthday gifts to all of you!

I'll be giving a bit of important information below the cut, but you can keep up with my updates for this event in my Tuna-Tober Masterlist.

I'm going to try to schedule posts for the days I have a fic to drop on tumblr (which I've never done and hope it works) in order to update on the correct dates. Though for those of my AO3 readers, you'll either have to read the fics here or wait because I will most likely not be able to get those posted on the correct days. I'm far too busy to actually sit down and update almost daily, unfortunately (and I don't think AO3 let's you schedule posts).

I will not be updating any of my series' during the month of October. I'll be posting far too much already (currently seven pieces completed but I'm aiming to get a couple more written/finished that you see on the masterlist and some you don't) But I should hopefully resume those stories in November.

I will try to use the character one shot tag lists for each of my Tuna-Tober updates, but I will not be adding to it during the time since I'll be scheduling posts ahead of time. I'm hoping tumblr will properly tag, but if not, the days I have fics going up will be listed in the event masterlist. You can always go there to see what updates are out and when more are coming.

I love all feedback and will absolutely try my best to respond to everyone, but I will probably be slow since I'm posting more fics in a month than I've probably posted...like ever. But I absolutely read every comment and reblog when I see them and I appreciate each one ❤

With that, my first fic should drop on October 1st! 🙃

[x-bluefire-heart-x]

Dance at a Feast

Happy New Year everyone! The good thing about having two weeks off from work is that I am able to get some writing done! I'm trying to get drafts done for a lot of fics I have plans for, so I can have some things to post when I go back to work.

Also, please feel free to make requests! I have a list of prompts which is linked below, and a master list that has the fandoms and characters I write for. If there is someone and a something not listed that would like to make a request for, feel free to and I will let you know if I know enough about it to write for it. Also feel free to make requests for this verse!

This is another part in the Covered in Steam verse. A fluffy piece between female reader and Thorin, it is set after Covered in Steam.

Warnings: Talks of a sexual nature. Dain being disrespectful - nothing insane just not acknowledging the reader as the Queen *yes I think this should be a warning*

Tag list: @catt-leya @bunson-burner

Master List

Prompt List

Covered in Steam

You fiddled with the sleeves of your dress tugging them down before pulling them back up and then down again. You glanced at the mirror in Thorin’s, no your chamber you hadn’t slept in the chamber that was yours since that night. You wore a beautiful gown in the colours of the family of Durin, the blue almost matched that of your Kings eyes. Your hair had been left down showcasing the braids and beads that Thorin wove into it every morning. You were nervous, this was the first feast since you were behaving as a true married couple. And you didn’t want to do anything that would embarrass Thorin. Which was why you were concerned about the dress, the shoulders of the dress could sit normally or be pulled down to expose your shoulders and collarbones, and the plunging neckline was lower than what you normally wore but it worked the best with the necklace Thorin had gifted you with on the day you got married, and you hadn’t worn it yet.

“Sister?” you heard Dis’ voice call out from the sitting room next to the bedroom where Thorin received any guests that came to your chambers.

“In here!” you called back, shifting the bodice of the dress a little, unsure about the gauzy material that ran in panels down your ribs before forming into the princess style skirt.

“Oh my,” Dis whispered as she laid eyes on you. “I think you may very well kill my brother in that dress.”

“Is it too much?” you spun around eyes wide with concern as you smoothed down the billowing skirts. “It’s a normal style in my homeland but I know it isn’t overly common amongst the women here.”

“You look stunning my Queen,” Dis assured you as she came to stand in-front of you grabbing your hands. “You do not need to pretend as if the culture and norms of your homeland do not exist, my brother would not expect you to only dress as a dwarven woman.”

“I know he has told me as such, but I just don’t want to…embarrass him in-front of his court, especially since everything between us is still so new,” you nibbled your lower lip before yelping a little as Dis pinched your arm.

“You’ll ruin the makeup,”  

“Can’t have that can I?” you laughed, your nerves slowly leaving you in your sister in laws presence. Something she has always managed to do.

“Now, come on,” Dis tugged on you before stopping for a moment. “Wait, you are missing something.” She let go of your hand to go back to your dressing table and lifted the small crown from its resting place to put it on your head. “There.”

You lifted your hand to gently touch the crown as Dis went back to tugging you out of your rooms and towards the main banquet hall. You were still not use to wearing a crown, as you and Thorin both only tended to wear them when you absolutely had to. Such as at a feast welcoming Thorin’s cousin Dain. You could hear the celebrations before the door even came into view, you smiled. Dwarrow truly knew how to throw a feast and celebration.

“Introducing her Highness Princess Dis and her Royal Majesty Queen y/n,” the herald at the doorway announced both you and Dis causing the court to become quiet as Thorin stood from his chair and walked around the table that housed the royals. His eyes burned with a fire as he took in your appearance, you could feel the eyes of every dwarf on you as the king walked towards you and Dis quickly left your side to greet her sons. You could only guess the dwarf sitting on Thorin’s left was his cousin Dain, Lord of the Iron Hills. You briefly caught his eyes only to quickly break eye contact and focus on your husband. Dain had the same colour eyes as Thorin only his were cold and calculating, and you did not like the way he looked at you.

“My wife,” Thorin rumbled, this voice bouncing around the room. “You are a vision.”

You dropped into a small curtsy as your body warmed, your eyes locking onto his as you lifted your head back up. Thorin stepped closer to you to place a kiss upon your lips before gently taking your hand, guiding you to stand in-front of his cousin, who remained seated.

“Cousin, my wife, your Queen,” Thorin’s voice was hard as stone as he noticed the disrespect being shown to you. “Greet her.” Dain’s eyes narrowed before a friendly mask fell over his face as he stood and bowed low to you.

“It’s an honour to finally meet you, Your Majesty,” Dain’s voice didn’t sound overly pleased and you were concerned but you nodded back at him regardless, knowing now was not the time to raise concerns.

“And it is lovely to finally meet you Lord Dain, Thorin has spoken highly of you,” you responded voice soft, your eyes looking at a point over his shoulder as you didn’t want to look into his cold eyes again.

“Come my Queen, you must be hungry,” Thorin’s arm wrapped around your waist and led you away. You smiled gratefully up at Thorin raising on your toes to press your lips to his cheek in thanks. His arm squeezed you in kind, his eyes full of love as he stared down at you.

“Hello aunty mine,” Kili smiled up at you as you walked past. You grinned down at him, unable to resist messing up his hair. Kili pouted up at you as he tried to fix his hair, you dropped a kiss on his head in apology as you did the same to Fili as you walked past. Dis’s sons had been as welcoming as she had when you arrived, always smiling and including you, you were forever grateful for those three Durin’s.

“Aunty,” Fili smiled as you sat down beside him, Dis was in the middle of her two sons, who leaned around her oldest to smile at you. “Don’t worry about Dain. He’s a traditionalist but Uncle doesn’t pay any mind to those old dwarves.” Fili had lowered his voice and leant close to your side. His eyes, the same shade as his uncle was soft and kind as he looked at you. Your heart squeezed at his words.

“Thank you Fili,” you whispered back. “I will keep that in mind.”

“But, should he or any other dwarf look to cause you problems promise that you will let myself, my mother, Kili, Dwalin or Balin know. Of course Thorin should be your first choice but if you cannot find him, you also have us on your side,” Fili added squeezing your arm before letting go and focusing on his food.

You could hear the conversations going on around you as you picked at your food. You never ate much in-front of large crowds, but would always find a plate of food waiting for you in your chambers after a feast. You had always wondered who ensured the staff left it but never thought to investigate it too much.

“Are you alright love?” Thorin asked removing himself from the conversation with Dain to check on you. He had picked up on your added nerves after meeting Dain and wanted to do everything he could to be sure that you were fine.

“I am,” you nodded turning to give Thorin a smile but you could tell from the look on his face that he didn’t buy it. He leaned close enough to whisper into your ear.

“If I had known Dain would show such disrespect to my wife I would never had invited him here,” Thorin promised you. “Tell me at once if he ever does so again or makes you uncomfortable at all. Erebor if your home and you are the Queen.”

“You Durin’s and your need to protect,” you teased nudging your nose against his.

“Oh?”

“Fili just gave me a list of all the dwarves I can tell if Dain or any other dwarf causes me problems,” you explained. “It was pretty much you four and Dwalin and Balin.”

“Hmm,” Thorin hummed his eyes full of pride at your words. “Well, us Durin’s are fiercely protective of those we care about. And once we care for someone it is next to impossible to get rid of us. So I’m afraid my heart, you are stuck with me, and my sister and nephews.”

“Such an imposition that,” you laughed.

“You weren’t thinking I was an imposition this morning,” Thorin growled his eyes darkening as heat filled them. “With my tongue between your thighs.”

“Thorin,” you gasped in shock. “You can’t say things like that here.”

“I am the King,” Thorin shrugged kissing your lips and whispering his next words into your mouth. “I can say such things when I please. And no-one can hear us.”

You playfully glared at him about to say something back when Dain interrupted leaning around Thorin to gain his attention again, sending you a cold look before placing the mask back in place before Thorin could see. Thorin kissed you once more rounding on his cousin, you could hear the harshness in his tone as he spoke in dwarvish. You sipped at your wine, as music started to play, as it always does at a Dwarven feast. The boys beside you quickly stood up looking to find some partners to dance with, Kili raced off instantly looking for Ori. Fili however, hesitated, Dis had left seeking out Balin to discuss some matters.

“My Queen,” Fili said, his voice loud and pointed as he bowed low at his waist holding a hand out. “May I have a dance?”

You grinned up at Fili, standing up and reaching to take his hand but you were pulled tightly against a hard chest. Thorin’s scent surrounding you. Fili smirked, his eyes playfully challenging his uncle, as he continued to wait on your hand.

“My wife will be dancing with me first, nephew,” Thorin’s voice rumbled.

“I think Her Majesty can make that decision, Uncle,” Fili grinned.

“I am honoured Prince Fili,” you grinned, trying to keep your voice regal. “However, I would think you would prefer to seek out someone else to dance…and even maybe court?”

Fili’s face flushed bright red his eyes automatically going towards a dwarven woman that was standing off to the side near Bofur. The look in his eyes was similar to how Thorin would look at you and you knew that maybe you and Dis could do a little pushing.

“I mean…I can’t…” Fili stuttered in an uncommon show of nerves.

“Yes you can nephew,” you encouraged him stepping a little out of the circle of Thorin’s arms but he kept a hold of your hips. “I have seen that young woman look at you, in the same manner you look at her. You are a Durin, take the courage that all you Durin’s seem to possess in enough abundance to take on a Dragon and ask her to dance.”

You felt Thorin’s hands squeeze your hips and his lips pressed into your neck, you could feel the smile that tugged at them. You reached out to squeeze Fili’s hands, forcing his eyes back to yours. The red of his face had calmed down to a light pink.

“Right, yes, true,” Fili nodded.

“You are my heir Fili,” Thorin added reaching out to pat him on the shoulder. “You can do this.”

Fili nodded once more before he turned around and strode towards the woman in question. He forced the Durin swagger into his steps as the two of you watched him in amusement. Thorin tugged you close again turning you around, you smiled up at him wrapping your arms around his neck.

“So, that dance?” you asked. “Better make good.”  

“Come along then,” Thorin smirked. Pushing you backwards, you giggled turning around and taking hold of his hand and pulling him onto the space in the middle of the room that was used for dancing.

Thorin spun you around before tugging you close, wrapping his right arm around your waist and grabbing your right hand with his left, you placed your left hand on his shoulder. You allowed him to led you around the floor trusting him to keep you from backing into anyone. The tune was a fast past one, your skirt flying out every time he spun you around quickly. He grabbed both of your hips and lifted you up and turning the two of you before putting you back down and grabbing hold of your hand again to lead you around.

You giggled as your dress managed to hit Kili and Ori on your way past them, you threw an apology over Thorin’s shoulder causing the two young Dwarves to laugh. Thorin couldn’t take his eyes off of you, your eyes were bright with happiness and you had not stopped laughing and smiling since Fili had first asked you for a dance. Your face was flush from your wine and from the dancing, you had danced to two fast paced songs before a slow paced song started to play. Thorin wrapped both his arms around your waist pulling you as close to him as he could get you. You looped your arms around his neck, using one of your hands to tilt his head down, he grinned as he rested his forehead against yours and swayed the two of you in time with music.

“You truly do look beautiful tonight, my Lady,” Thorin whispered. “Seeing you in my colours, I wish to take you from this hall and feast on something else entirely.”

“My King, was this morning and last night not enough?” you asked, stroking the back of his neck, his thick hair covering your movements.

“I will never have enough of you,” Thorin answered. “I will never have enough of your taste, of your body, of you. I will always want you in my arms.”

[cy6err]

Fallen — W.S.

Pairings: Walker Scobell x Fem!Reader (YouTuber)

Warnings: Angst, not proofread!

Summary: You and Walker have been falling apart in your relationship, so you decided to take him on a date to the summer carnival. However, things didn’t go according to plan.

A/N: Proof of existence, but this song has been everywhere for me and it’s just… ugh. So, I have decided to do a little angsty fic. :) This took two weeks to write because I had NO motivation…

Make sure to send requests! Love you 🤍

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You and Walker had a good relationship and kept a good balance with him filming and you doing your small YouTube career, and were always supportive of each other.

However, once he got into the season more within the Disney show ��Percy Jackson and the Olympians’, you couldn’t help but feel jealous whenever he invited Leah over for your dates hang outs.

You loved Leah, she was sweet, funny, and knew how to keep things straight and well done. So, you didn’t really mind it as much when she would tag along, you ended up having fun at the end of the day.

But when things got more serious, Walker had been distancing himself from you.

Whenever you would text him, he would either leave you on read, or spend hours upon hours to write back. Being upset would be an understatement, you were livid and disappointed; you wanted to spend time or try to have a small conversation with your boyfriend, only to be let down.

Walker was at your house, finally convincing him to come over when you shouldn’t really have to. You were supposed to film that day, but decided not to because you were too happy to finally hang out with the blond.

He sat on your bed, his back against the headboard as he scrolled through his phone, occasionally texting his friends. You sat by him, talking about your day and wanting to catch up with him, but he didn’t seem like he was paying attention.

“Walker, are you listening?” You sigh, your hands falling to your lap in defeat. He picks up his head at the sound of his name being called, a faint, sheepish smile on his face. “Sorry, not really. I was texting Leah and Aryan about our upcoming hang out on Saturday.”

You look at him a bit confused, mostly shocked at his words. Walker mirrors your look, but more confused than shocked. “What?”

“You said you’d be staying with me the whole weekend since you’re going to be in Vancouver for a while?” You say, clearly stumped.

Walker gives a look of apology, his small smile turning into a frown. “Oh, I’m sorry love. I completely forgot about that, I can cancel the plans and-“

You cut him off, shaking your head. “No! It’s fine, you have fun with your friends.”

“Are you sure?” He asks, still concerned. “I’m sure.”

He nods, kissing your cheek and getting back to what he was doing in his phone as you lie down on your bed, staring at the ceiling.

-

While your boyfriend was in Vancouver, you tried to text him as much as you could. Mostly talking about your day and even asking about him… yes, he would respond, but they’d be dry responses rather than his jokes and memes he’d usually send on a daily basis.

You: So, how’s Vancouver? Anything fun recently? Read 14:54

Today 09:01

Walker: hey yea it’s fun

You: Hey! Took you a while to respond, but that’s fine. How are you doing? I miss and love you :) 09:07

Today 16:23

Walker: busy I miss and love u 2

After that message, you’ve decided to just leave him alone, not wanting to bother him anymore. For the next couple of weeks, you’ve just been vlogging and doing your normal routine… well, without FaceTiming or texting Walker, of course.

But when you found out Walker had been finished with filming for a bit, you were puzzled and concerned on why he didn’t bother calling or texting you.

You’ve waited and waited for at least one text from him only to be let down, not like you were surprised.

Due to this, you’ve contemplated on either or not you should text him. Which you did, having a risky conversation with your boyfriend about your relationship. You procrastinated on the message. 30 minutes later, you were staring at the text before taking a deep, shaky breath and hitting send.

Today 13:03

You: Hey, can we talk?

Walker: yea what’s up? 13:12

You: I just feel like you’ve been ignoring me lately, did I do something wrong? 13:13

Walker: no, what makes you think that you did? 13:28

You: You’ve been super dry lately and take forever to respond, it makes me question things. 13:34

Walker: oh things like what? 13:49

You: Do you still want this relationship? I don’t want to keep putting the effort into it if I don’t get anything in return. 13:51

That’s when Walker responded almost instantly.

Walker: of course i want this, i’m sorry. i’ve just been super busy, can i make it up to you?… 13:53

You: I would like that. There’s the carnival happening near my house, wanna go? It’s been a while since we’ve last been on an actual date. 13:57

After making the plans and setting a time, you happily lie down on your bed. Maybe this was your chance to fix things with him and finally catch up. Your mind filled with different scenarios and how it’ll turn out, thinking how fun it’ll be.

As they days went by, you grew more nervous than excited for the upcoming date that was around the corner. And when the day finally came, you picked out a comfortable outfit and got ready to go.

After your mom drove you to the carnival, you greeted Walker with a tight hug. He smiled at you and said a quick hello to your mom before following you into the entrance of the park.

-

You both went on a various amount of rides and played some games too, even winning a couple of stuff. But as time went on, Walker seemed more distracted on his phone rather than wanting to spend time with you.

You tried to play it off by playing a few more games and a couple of rides until you just couldn’t handle it anymore. “Walker, let’s get a snack. I’m a bit hungry.”

He nods, slipping his phone into his hoodie pocket and following you to a concession stand. He buys you a churro and vanilla ice cream, opting to share with you.

He sits beside you on a bench, a good view from the carnival that filled the night atmosphere with colorful lights and the smell of sweet food mixed. Playing with the paper that churro provided, you glance at Walker on his phone again.

“It’s cold, hm?” You softly said, rubbing your arms a bit to try and warm yourself up. Walker hums in response, not looking away from his phone.

You try to talk about something else only to be left on heard. Growing irritated, you speak a little louder. “Walker, are you even listening?”

He glances up at you, quickly turning off his phone. “What?”

“You’ve been ignoring me halfway into the date, you’re distracted on your phone!” You hissed, throwing your hands up in anger.

He looks at you confused and clears his throat, “I-I’m sorry, I just-“

“Are you cheating on me?” You cut him off, your heart was beating rapidly, scared of his reaction. He looks at you offended, furrowing his eyebrows.

“What? No! What makes you think that I am?” He asked, now growing a bit irritated. “You’ve been stuck on your phone, like I just said!”

Walker stayed quiet, not being able to come up with an excuse for his mistake. He swallowed hard, looking away, but this made you even more angry.

“Walker, talk to me! You didn’t even text me when you got back from Vancouver, I had to find out from instagram!” You shouted angrily, Walker quickly quieting you down as people began to look your way.

“Im sorry! I just— I didn’t feel like texting you…” he mumbles, playing with his hands.

“Why not? You could’ve just told me to leave you alone.” You try to reason with him, wanting to gauge out his feelings.

“I couldn’t-“ he was cut off yet again, “why not?”

“Because you’re sensitive!” he snaps, “You’re clingy, Y/N. Look, I love you, but you really need to know how to give space when in a relationship. I don’t need you glued on to me all the time.”

Tears began to well up in your eyes, a faint “what?” Leaving your lips.

Walker sighs, shaking his head. “And I feel like…like I’ve lost feelings for you because of it. I’m stressed with filming and school, it’s hard for me, okay?”

“I guess with all the traveling and distancing myself, I grew out of the relationship.” He adds, his face falling.

It was an awkward silence before you spoke up, “What are you saying?” You murmur, your heart breaking at his words.

He takes a deep breath, taking your hand in his. “Y/n, look, you’re beautiful, sweet, and kind. I just don’t think right now is the time for a relationship. I think it’s best if we break up.”

Your eyes widen, this wasn’t how your date was supposed to go. You wanted to fix things, not ends it. You try to shake your head in protest, “N-no, we can’t. I-I can…”

Walker lifts your chin up, looking at you sadly. “Please, Y/n. We can’t do this anymore, it’s just not the right time.”

Taking a shaky breath, you nod in agreement. “Okay, okay. I hope things go well for you with filming and school.”

Walker smiled and kissed your forehead, “Thank you, likewise. And maybe, when the time is right, we’ll meet each other again.”

He gives you one last, tight hug before saying goodbye, turning around and leaving. You just stood there, heartbroken but.:. Relieved. Relieved that you didn’t have to feel drained for a fallen relationship. You take a deep breath and smile slightly, calling your mom to pick you up.

Once you made it home, you brushed your teeth and got ready for bed. You changed your wallpaper and bio status, unfollowing him but not blocking. You out your phone down and lie back, staring at the ceiling as you thought about his words.

“maybe, when the time is right, we’ll meet each other again.”

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[lovifie]

A little update for everybody for my current and future updates 🩷: (please read it ❤️)

Her Royal Highness: Hiatus. Trust me, I am the saddest about it. It is the first thing I wrote and what made me want to start the blog, but I have kind of lost the vision I had for it and I can't write anything without hating it. Don't worry too much about it because I am really dramatic and might just keep it going on a month 🩷.

Lift me off my feet: Around 4 chapters left. It would make it a 13 chapter series, taking in consideration I started because of a fanart I'm quite impressed with. Still, the little plot that it has is starting to run out and I feel like it is just unnecessarily stretching it, especially since there are other series I want to work on and I can't until this one is finished. I wanted to ask, would you rather have me finish this one “fast” or alternate it with other posts? Fast would be as in focusing on writing only this fic until I finished, and I believe I could have it done next week most likely.

Switch Bodies: Plot wise, around 2 chapters. After that, it would just be random scenarios that I would think of or that you could want me to write. Still, this one doesn't really have a schedule as it is mostly jokes so I can't tell when I'll update.

Spidey: This one will have a slower than usual post schedule since it is going to be interactive and I'll need to leave time between chapters to let everyone vote their favorites. So I'll be a bit more relaxed rhythm of updates.

Poll Fic: Whichever wins the poll (I can't see the results until Monday unless I vote and I'm edging myself like a moron), I won't probably write anything until I finish Lift Me Off My Feet, plus I want to organize a bit the plot so the thing that happens with Her Royal Highness doesn't happens again and I have something to support myself on to finish it. So I'll be a bit of time still.

Those are the series, I'm also working on oneshots and just silly stuff that genuinely I'll post randomly.

Aswell, I wanted to let people know that the on taglist form I removed the option to choose on which fic to me tagged because I was getting everyone mixed and it was becoming too chaotic so now there will be one single taglist. I hope you guys don't mind too much and thank you for understanding. If you would prefer me to remove you from it you can also tell me on the taglist form without a problem. 🩷🩷

There are going to be a couple of days without updates because I'm going to work on tidying everything up a bit so it is easier to navigate the blog. And I'm also going to slow down a bit as well, because I don't understand why I have pressured myself into uploading as soon as possible to the point I'm burning myself out instead of enjoying writing like I should.

That being said, I'm done rambling and complaining. I'd love any kind of feedback, as comments, asks or DM, I always love to read you guys opinion and ideas so feel free to do so ❤️❤️

Sorry for the disappointment of this not being an update let me know what you would rather have happening on the Lift me off my feet fic 🩷

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[sleepyfan-blog]

Shock

Author’s Note: This is the next fic in Cedric’s Adventures. First. Previous. Next C-u-c-koo-4-40k allowed me to borrow Pyrus for this fic! And @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan has allowed me to borrow Chaplain Captain Petras Thank you

Tagged: @egrets-not-regrets @kit-williams @bleedingichorhearts @whorety-k @the-pure-angel

Warnings: mention of abuse of power 

Summary: Cedric has a chat with Pyrus in the base’s forge and later runs into some young intruders. 

Cedric hummed softly as he made his way over to where the supplies for cleaning the base were stored. It was early in the morning, and he had privately completed the morning prayers that had been a daily routine for him, ever since he had been sent to the Black Templars. He missed the morning group prayer sessions, as well as the sermons that one of the chaplains would give, which were usually filled with fire and wrathful encouragement, as well as the morning vespers that everyone participated in. 

But the older brothers he had been taken in by on Ancient Terra found worship of the God Emperor to be discomforting at best, and actively discouraged him and seemed deeply distressed about it at worst. So Cedric tried to curtail his worship of the Emperor publicly, so as to not further irritate and distress his older Brothers and Cousins. He mentally went over the list of punitive chores he’d been assigned, knowing that he should be able to get them done within a couple of hours if he wasn’t interrupted by anything.

He swept and mopped the floors of the most high-traffic areas of the base, before moving to check on the forge. Pyrus and a group of his older brother had been staying at the base for a couple of weeks, and one of the additional duties he’d been given while the group of wandering Salamanders were at the base was to make sure all of the materials that they needed were stocked each morning. 

Cedric wasn’t expecting anyone to be in the forges at this time of morning - when the sun had barely started to rise over the eastern horizon - but he could see Pyrus steadily working away on something and moved so that he could be heard, but hopefully not loud enough to startle the Salamander Scout as he worked. 

The young Black Templar moved over to where the smithing supplies were stored, doing a quick but thorough inventory check, before pulling out more of the supplies that had been used up the day before, humming to himself a little as he worked, the steady beat of Pyrus’ hammer blows on whatever it was he was working on providing an excellent beat.

He hadn’t realized he’d actually started to sing quietly until he realized that Pyrus’ rhythmic hammer blows had stopped. Cedric felt his ears warm with embarrassment as he turned, looking at the Salamander and shuffling his feet a little “I. Ah. Hadn’t intended to start singing. If I bothered you, I apologize.”

“I stopped to listen to you sing. You have a really lovely voice, Cedric. I don’t recognize the tongue you were singing in. Do you mind explaining what the song was about?” Pyrus asked, lifting up his facemask and smiling charmingly at him. 

Cedric resisted the urge to fidget with the box in his hands with considerable effort, choosing to put it where it was supposed to go as he answered with a quiet “It’s one of the war-songs of my chapter. What are you working on?”

“It sounded rousing! Oh! This? I’m working on a forge project that my sergeant assigned to me. I’ve been working on it for… A few hours, I think? I kind of lose track of time when I’m forging, haha. What time is it?” Pyrus asked, lifting the partially finished blade. 

“It’s just after dawn. Have you had anything to eat or drink, since you started forging?” Cedric asked, looking the other over carefully, a slight frown appearing on his face as his medical training kicked in - as well as the understanding that many a brother could accidentally forgo both sleep and food when intensely focused on a task at hand. He carefully approached the Salamander, offering him a waterbottle and a ration bar.

“Err… No. I’ve been working through the night. No wonder I’m starting to feel a little out of it. But I want to make sure that this blade is at a good stopping point, before I leave it. Just another hour or two more and I’ll feel comfortable stepping away from it.” Pyrus answered, ducking his head a little “Oh! Something to eat and drink is nice. Thanks, Ced!” 

“You’re welcome. I always have snacks and water on me.” Cedric answered with a small smile. He pulled out a second ration bar and took a bite, to silently encourage the other to eat. Pyrus wasn’t the first Brother-Cousin he’d met who forgot to eat when absorbed in a task, and as an Apothecary it was his job to ensure the physical well being of those around him. 

Pyrus swiftly devoured the ration bar and downed the water bottle in three large gulps. He looked longingly at the ration bar in Cedric’s hand before asking “I know why I’m up so early - I didn’t go to sleep last night, working on this. But what are you doing up so early?”

“I’ve got punitive chores to complete, and I usually wake up at this time of morning for-” Cedric was about to say morning prayers, but bit off the sentence. He knew that Pyrus was from before The Heresy and wouldn’t likely be comfortable with the thought of another Space Marine indulging in worship of the divine. “-chapter specific practices, and the sooner I get my punitive chores completed in the day, the sooner I can start on the training lessons that they’ve assigned to me to keep me out of trouble.”

“Ah, okay!” Pyrus hummed, nodding a little in understanding “... Why do you have punitive chores?”

“I tackled a Slaaneshi asshole dripping incredibly toxic poison everywhere and refused to apologize because I was somehow supposed to know that he would cooperate with me if I told him to shove his hands into empty jars to keep the toxin dripping from his claws from causing horrific amounts of problems.” Cedric answered honestly. He was still entirely unrepentant for his actions.

He tentatively believed that the situation on Ancient Terra was much different than it was in the 42nd century regarding the relations between most chaos astartes and most loyalists… But he hadn’t known that then, and there were still those who were ruthless, vicious bastards who took pleasure in tormenting both Loyalists and the baseline humans who lived on Ancient Terra. “I haven’t been able to explore outside of the base for the past couple of months… The end of my time grounded indoors should be ending soon.”

“Are you excited to finally be able to explore more of Ancient Terra soon?” Pyrus asked, grinning happily at Cedric as he went back to working on the sword he’d been forging for hours “and I understand your caution of chaos astartes! Most of them are really dangerous and terrifying. Especially for astartes.”

“I… I am curious as to what it’s like outside of this base.” Cedric admitted. He was also somewhat apprehensive about the idea of leaving the base… but it was a challenge he was going to face head-on. “I hope that your smithing project goes well. I’ve got to finish restocking the forge, among my other tasks.”

“Okay! Stop by here if you want to talk later. I’m going to be at this for a good while longer yet.” Pyrus answered with a cheerful grin.

Cedric nodded and headed towards the back of the forge, completing the restocking of the forge before heading off to complete his punitive chores for the day. 

~

Several hours later and Cedric had completed his punishment chores for the day. He was walking towards the training rooms when he heard several new voices, whispering to each other, their hearts beating loudly, their scents filled with terror. “Hello?” Cedric called out, heading to the source of the frantic whispering and fear, concerned and mildly puzzled. 

The whispering stopped and he heard several sets of footsteps - too light and too small to be Astartes - start running away from him. 

Puzzled by this and truly curious now, Cedric chases after the sounds of running feet, moving at a quick pace that would overtake them, but nowhere near his top speed, following them through the base until the people he were chasing took yet another (likely wrong) turn into one of the dead-end rooms of the base. 

There were a half dozen baseline human teenagers huddled together in one corner of the room that Cedric had stepped into. The young apothecary looked at them, utterly perplexed to see them here. None of them were, to his knowledge, bonded to any of the space marines who were living in or visiting this base, nor were they family members of said bonded humans. They were whispering at each other in one of the native Ancient Terran languages, their eyes huge as they looked him over repeatedly.

Cedric was in his black and white scrubs, having yet to be able to get so much as a pauldron of armor - Astartes Armor was hard to come by on Ancient Terra - and though he was taller and bulkier than most firstborn marines out of armor, he probably looked less threatening than the firstborn Brothers and Cousins who were in their armor and had their weapons at their sides. He switched to one of the more common Ancient Terran languages that he’d been dutifully learning and tried again “Hello? Who are you? Are you lost?”

The baseline human teenagers whispered amongst each other, before one of them stepped forward. They had short, vibrant blue-purple hair and were wearing ripped but clean jeans and similarly ripped but clearly well cared for black t-shirt with a strange image emblazoned on their front. “I… I’m… We… We are lost, yes! Who are you? Do you… Do you know how to get out of here? We uhm… We’d like to leave the base now. Do you know this place well?”

“I know most of this base pretty well, since I’ve been stuck here for several months. Got grounded for mischief.” Cedric admitted with a sigh “Follow me, I will lead you to one of the exits.”

“Oh, no need for an official exit! Just show us to an outside facing window that leads off-base and we’ll be good!” One of the other teens - a dark haired human with darker eyes chirped nervously. “What do you mean by stuck on base?”

The young apothecary slowly looked this small group of teens over, something that he’d been told in one of the safety briefs coming to him “I am an Astartes, a Space marine. Sometimes we get confined to base for Reasons by our superiors… Are you… Supposed to be here? Or did you sneak in?”

All of the teens looked very nervous and anxious at his question, muttering softly to each other before the blue haired teen said “We… We broke into the base on a dare. But we weren’t going to do anything bad! We’re just… So curious about this place and all of you and there are so many rumors. No harm’s been done… Please let us go? Some of the other Astartes are really mean and scary.”

Cedric managed to hold in a snort. Yes, firstborns could be utterly terrifying… And he couldn't truly fault them for their curiosity, though an excess of curiosity was a sin against the God Emperor. “I thought you wanted to leave the base.”

“We do! We do… We won’t come back unless invited, promise!” One of the other teens blurted out, a pleading look on their face

The young Black Templar thought about their request for a couple of moments. On one hand, mercy was something that could be more frequently shown on Ancient Terra, and were their positions reversed, Cedric couldn’t say that he wouldn’t break into a place that he’d been expressly forbidden to go, but yet others were allowed in due to some mythical nonsense. But… If they weren’t disciplined for their misbehavior, they would be more tempted to do so again. “I could… Perhaps… Be convinced not to tell my older brothers that you broke in… But, you will all need to promise me and truly mean it that you will not break into this or any other astartes base again.”

The teens fidgeted before one of them asked “Other than it being Astartes property, why is it so important to not break in? You guys take up so much room and are so secretive and mysterious! Astartes started appearing on Earth a hundred years ago and no one knows why or how.”

“Because not all Astartes bases are as nice as this one is. You have heard of Chaos astartes, yes? Maybe even seen them?” Cedric responded, guiding them towards where he knew one of the Chaplains who lived on base was likely to be. These humans did need proper censure, but he didn’t want to scare them too much. “They may act... Nice. Docile. But they are not. They are dangerous and corrosive to the soul and mind.”

One of the other teenagers grumbled “You sound like my aunt’s Black Templar.”

Cedric preened a little, smiling “That isn’t surprising, considering the fact that I am a black templar.”

“But… You’re not in armor?” The teenager grumbled, as the others gasped in surprise.

“No, as I did not arrive on this world in Armor. I did not come here of my own free will, nor do I know how I arrived on this world.” Cedric answered, uncertain as to just what he should reveal to these young humans. They were getting close to both an exit and where he could hear Chaplain Feldarim speaking to someone. 

The baseline humans wouldn’t be able to hear either of the older astartes, but Cedric knew that the group he was leading was almost within most firstborn Astartes’ hearing range when he heard the other older Astartes speak.

“-nd you’re saying that this particular Black Templar is fairly young? Is there anything else about him that I should know?” A horribly familiar voice rumbled from the depths of some of Cedric’s worst nightmares rang through his ears, freezing his hearts in place.

“Have you heard much about Primaris Astartes?” Feldarim asked, the Iron Fist Chaplain seemingly oblivious as to just who he was talking to. 

“... I have heard some things about them.” Chaplain Captain Petras rumbled, a note of amusement in his voice.

“Are you okay? You look like you’re about to pass out?” The blue haired human teenager asked,  having suddenly gotten very close to Cedric, having gone up on their tiptoes and gently started poking one of his cheeks.

The young apothecary began to shake, full-body tremors as he rapidly reconsidered what he was planning on doing. While Chaplain Feldarim was surprisingly kind and soft-handed with his punishments, Petras wasn’t. Cedric had no idea what the Black Templar Chaplain would do to these baseline human teenagers, but it would be ugly. His voice dropped to a whisper when he said “I… Someone very dangerous is close by. I don’t think he’s aware we are here yet, but we need to be careful. I can easily lift and carry all four of you to an outwards facing window, but you cannot return here. For your own safety… You must leave and never return.”

“Jesus fuck, who is this guy? I’ve never seen an astartes this scared before.” The brown haired teenager murmured, their eyes wide, their voice quiet. 

“I… He… He’s…” Cedric shuddered, scooping up the human teenagers and sprinting half-way across the base, making sure to evade his older Brothers and Cousins and knowing where to avoid the cameras that watched the base corridors. “When he’s had power over my fellow primaris brothers, he used it to beat and cull us when we weren’t up to his standards. I do not know what he would do to intruders, but you must go before he catches you.”

The fear emanating from the teenage humans intensifies, as does the rapid beating of their hearts. The blue haired human teen squeezes one of Cedric’s shoulders and asks “Why don’t you come with us? He’s an awful shithead, and the place I’m crashing at does have accommodations for Astartes. You don’t have to stay here, if they’re hurting you.”

Cedric shook his head, struggling to contain the tears in his eyes. “No, I must stay. They would find me if I ran, and Templars do not shy away from challenges. No matter the odds. I must face this trial set before me.”

“I… If you’re sure. My name’s Crystal, and I live in the group home on Seventeenth and Sterling if you change your mind.” The blue haired teenager responded with a small, sad smile on their face. 

Cedric nodded “I’ll keep your offer in mind. My name’s Cedric.” He reached up, opening the window and helping each of the baseline teenagers onto the window ledge “The drop shouldn’t be too much, especially if you tuck and roll through it, to reduce the amount of shock on your bones. Try to stay low in the grass, you’ll avoid detection longer that way. Once you hit the property line you’re unlikely to be chased.”

“Right, tuck and roll to the ground. Thanks, Cedric!” Crystal murmured, leaping out of the window and rolling through the waist high to most astartes grass, staying crouched low as he’d suggested. The other three teenage humans followed after their friend.

Cedric watched the tell-tale movements of the grass as the teens scuttle-crawled their way out of Astartes territory, breathing a sigh of relief as they wriggled their way through the holes in the fence. He’d dutifully report that there was a gap in the fence that needed to be properly fortified, but he was glad that the human teenagers were safely away.

“Cedric?” Ash’val called out from behind him “What are you doing?”

The young apothecary couldn’t help the guilty-startled squeak that left him as he spun on his heel to look at the firstborn Salamander, suddenly aware of the fact that it could be assumed that he might have been tempted to sneak out of the base. Again. Though the last time he’d done that, it was to rescue a half-dead brother-cousin who’d called out for his help. Claude has since fully healed, but Cedric had been scolded for not telling anyone before running off to go patch up an injured Astartes. “I… Uhm… Enjoying the fresh air from the window?” he couldn’t quite look the older Space marine in the eyes as he said that.

“Uh huh. Did you receive another distress call from one of your fellow Primaris Astartes?” Ash’val asked, moving slowly and deliberately closer to Cedric.

“No sir.” Cedric answered honestly, his throat so incredibly dry.

“Were you planning on going out that window? Please be honest with me, Cedric.” the scout captain asked, voice firm but kind. 

“No sir.” Cedric answered earnestly, shaking his head for emphasis. 

“... Alright. I’ll choose to believe that you’re telling me the truth. If you do want to go outside, please ask. I can understand wanting to feel real sunlight on your skin, and I am well aware of the fact that Black Templars are a fleet-based chapter and tend to enjoy wandering a great deal. Speaking of, I’d like to introduce you to a visiting Black Templar. He’s a first born, but he’s been on Ancient Terra for several years now.” Ash’val said, gesturing for Cedric to follow.

“Yes sir.” Cedric agreed obediently, following after the Salamander, his hearts heavy. He thought that Petras had been killed by High Marshal Helbrecht during the Settling Of The Schism, but apparently not. Still, he held his head high, hands clasped behind his back to hide the way they were trembling in anxious anticipation.

[mellybouboulove]

My guardian angel🤍𓆩♡𓆪☁️

Chapter 4

Plot summary: Drug Dealer Ellie Williams X OFC slowburn fic, out of universe and takes place in college, set in the 2000s. Smut content to come.

previous: Chapter 3 next: Chapitre 5

Tags: #wlw #sapphic #drugdealer!ellie #modern!ellie #tlou #slowburn #smut #fluff #tlouau #au #modernau #drugs

CHAPTER 4

Monday morning: Ellie told me she had a lot of work today so she left early in the morning. After my encounter with Emily, I had set my mind to make things better, at least that’s what I was planning for today. I woke up with a severe stomach ache and migraine; my body begging me to take drugs but I tried to stay focused on my goal; I got ready and went to the hospital. Starting with Jonathan who’s in a coma will be easier than facing Emily who could punch me. 

Stepping into this hospital again made me feel weird but I knew I had to do it. I found my way to Jon’s room, the atmosphere was heavy which is weird considering it as filled with flowers and gifts. The only sounds in the room were the beeps of the machines and his artificially controlled breathing, all of this because of me. I sat next to him and started to talk. I felt stupid at first as I didn’t even know if there was a chance he could hear me but it actually did make me feel better to let it all out. I told him how sorry I was and how much I hoped he would get better; how I would’ve rather been in his place instead. I left flowers and a note on his bedside table hoping he would wake up in the following weeks and would be able to see it, knowing we kept him in our minds. 

I already felt relieved from this talk but I still had to give Emily a visit. My body was still shaking, my head and stomach were still hurting. I hope these symptoms will be gone soon enough. 

Once in Emily’s front door, I felt reluctant remembering everything that she told me this weekend. Leaving now would make me a selfish coward; I have to talk to her. I knocked and after a couple seconds she opened. Her eyebrows furrowed as she saw me, she was about to close the door at my face but I stopped it. 

-Please give me a chance to talk. I know, you were right. You were right about everything, I’ve been acting selfishly; I just wanna talk, please.

She let out a sigh, quietly opening the door for me to come. 

-May I use the bathroom first? I’m not feeling very well.  -You already know where it is. 

After refreshing my face in her bathroom to calm myself, I opened the pharmacy without thinking and noticed she had the same treatment as me. I contemplated it for a second and decided to empty the bottle in my pocket. Just in case. At this point, this is not a big deal, I've already wasted her life. 

We sat in her living room, a blank silence surrounding us until I decided to break it to tell her everything that was killing me inside. 

-I have no excuses for my behavior but believe it or not, you and Jonathan have both been on my mind everyday since that day. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for what I did to you. If I didn’t come earlier it was just because I was in a really bad place and didn’t think I would have the courage to face you knowing I ruined your life and almost killed my two best friends. I’m not expecting you to forgive me but I think we should communicate; I don’t want to cause any more harm to you. I really miss you and our friendship and if I could, I would switch places with you.  -Are you done now?  -Ugh, yes I guess. -Okay great now leave.  -What?   -Do you really think that’s how it works? Acting like a victim, giving a clingy monologue after all your bullshit thinking this is enough to fix everything ? You’re dead to me and I don't have anything to do with you. You didn’t come here for my forgiveness nor for the sake of our friendship; in fact, you don’t give a fuck about this. All you want is to make yourself look good, to make your conscience lighter, just to manage to look at yourself. If you really did care, you would’ve come earlier, you would’ve visited Jonathan and checked on me but you just disappeared. You were in a bad place when it came to facing your responsibilities but you felt good enough to find yourself a girlfriend to take on dates. You’re a horrible person Maya, you’re not even able to understand what you’ve done. Get the fuck out of my house, you can die for all I care.  

I was flabbergasted by her reaction, I didn’t expect her to forgive and forget nor for everything to come back to normal but I thought she would be more understanding and willing to save our friendship. But she’s right, it’s too late. I became somebody I don’t know, I’m just a worthless piece of shit who only cares about itself. I felt my heart pounding louder and louder, my breathing speeding up; I don’t have anyone anymore. I need drugs. 

Without even counting them, I took a handful of pills from my pocket as I was making my way back home. When I finally reached home, it felt like this was not enough. I looked around all my drawers and finally found a bottle of vodka that I quickly emptied. As I was about to swallow the last drops of alcohol, I heard the bell ringing and used the energy I had left to open it. Ellie was standing there, she looked at the bottle in my hand then she looked back at me. 

-What the fuck are you doing??  -I guess I’m.. n-not feeling so good.

Suddenly my eyelids felt so heavy and closed themselves; then everything was pitched black. When I opened my eyes again, I was on the couch, Ellie sitting next to me with a bunch of medicine, food and water on the table. 

-Are you awake? -Yes, I think so.  -Are you feeling better?  -Yes. -Ok good. Now tell me, what happened Maya? Why did you do this?  -There was nothing left to do. I couldn’t control myself anymore, I’m sorry. I said bursting into tears. -It’s fine, but you have to think and be more careful. This is not a game, if I wasn’t here to take care of you and give you pills you could’ve been dead by now. She was very gentle in her tone. I could tell she was worried.  -Wouldn’t have been so terrible to be honest.  -I was planning to go back to my house but I guess I’ll stay a little longer. Drink a lot of water. She handed me a bottle of water as she said that and I thanked her and drank it without further questions, then fell back asleep.

[justlightlysedated]

It's been over a month since my last update on the secretly married malex fic i've been writing! so, out of the ten new scenes i added, i've only fully written two lol, so eight more to go! The goal is to be done before the new year, so wish me luck!

But here y'all go, a deleted scene:

Alex shouldn't be doing this. He has a flight in less than ten hours, and it's going to take at least three of those for him to make it to his flight on time, but he doesn't really care.

There is something he has to do right now, before he can't do anything about it.

He'd spent the last week since he left Roswell thinking about this, and he'd gone online last night and set an appointment just to see when the soonest available one would be, just to convince himself that it was a bad idea to do this. Only for the closest available appointment to be the next day, in the morning. 

Alex automatically calculated the amount of time it would take for him to pack his things, drive to Roswell, make this appointment and then get back to base to make his flight. He would have at least an hour of time to celebrate afterwards.

The only thing he's unsure of in all of this is what Michael would do.

Alex isn't dumb enough to think that it doesn't hurt to be the one left behind. It hurts him and he's the one doing the leaving. But he's hopeful enough that Michael wouldn't say no. He looks at the time and sees that it's a little after three in the morning.

He messages Michael on AIM an innocuous, i miss you.

Michael's phone barely gets any service in the junkyard and is a hassle to text with, so Michael probably won't ans-

The computer dings before Alex can finish the thought.

Miss you more

Alex packs his bags and is out on the road before the hour is up.

He drives and makes it to Sanders Lot before the sun has even risen, just before seven in the morning. The appointment is in two hours. Alex thinks he made excellent time.

Michael's truck is parked next to the airstream, so Alex knows he's there. Or at least he should be. Alex hopes that he's there.

Still he hesitates for a bit too long, fifteen minutes to be exact, before he can convince himself to get out of the car.

It's just Michael. Even if he does say no to this, it's not like it'll stop him from being the most important person in Alex's life.

Alex stares at the airstream for a second longer, before the lights flicker on, announcing that the occupant was awake.

Alex gets out of the car then, and he barely makes it halfway to the door, before its opening, and Michael is standing at the entrance.

Alex stops in his tracks, feeling his heart leap up into his throat.

Michael looks visibly startled to see him.

Alex gives him a second, eyes darting all over him, drinking him in like he hasn't seen him in months and not just a week.

He's standing there shirtless, jeans hanging open, hair a frizzy mess, eyes too bright, unshaven with blood staining the corner of his mouth and smeared across his split knuckles.

It's an image that makes his heart ache. And he hates, hates, hates that he's the one responsible for this.

Alex is boarding a plane in a couple of hours, and he really has no idea if he'll ever come back home. 

It's that thought more than anything that propels him forward.

Michael drops down from the entrance, taking a couple of steps forward.

"What are you doing here, Alex?" He asks, voice hoarse. "Don't you have a flight in a couple of hours?"

Alex opens his mouth to answer the question.

"Marry me," falls out of his mouth instead.

Michael gapes at him momentarily, while Alex feels his face flush a little with embarrassment. He'd meant to ease into the subject, not blurt it out first thing.

"Unless I'm mistaken," Michael says slowly, eyes darting all over Alex's face. "We're already married."

"That's a domestic partnership," Alex says, a little impatiently, and pushes forward despite the hurt look Michael throws at him. 

"Which becomes void in the event of my death," Alex continues. Michael makes a sound, taking a step forward, hand lifting slightly only to drop again.

Alex keeps speaking, "And if anything happens, the last person I want making decisions for me is my father."

Michael stares at him for a long moment. The silence between them feels heavy with tension.

Alex clears his throat and waves a hand around in the air, "And we can get married now."

Michael continues to look at him without speaking.

"So, what do you say?" Alex says, a little desperately taking a step closer to Michael.

Michael takes a startled step back before he turns around and heads back inside the airstream. 

For about five seconds Alex feels the absolute heartbreak, before Michael stumbles back out of the airstream, holding his shirt in one hand.

He holds out a clenched fist towards Alex, giving him an encouraging smile.

Alex starts to feel the embers of hope flickering in his chest.

He opens his hand, holding it towards Michael.

Michael drops two rings into Alex's palm, and he feels as though the entire world stops for a crystal clear second.

Michael pulls his shirt over his head while Alex tries to process what's happening.

Michael clears his throat, and Alex's gaze snaps back to him, as he stuffs his hand in his pocket, putting the rings safely away.

"I got them right after I heard that they passed-mmhp."

Alex stumbles forward and kisses Michael, one hand to the side of his head, fingers curled around his ears as he pulls him in, falling into the kiss at the same time, trusting that Michael would keep them on their feet.

Michael just barely manages that, wrapping his arms around Alex's waist as he stumbles to catch his balance. Alex's skin feels like it's buzzing as his entire focus narrows to Michael's mouth. He doesn't care if they end up falling to the ground.

He barely notices that they're moving until he's being tumbled back onto the still warm hood of his car. Alex protests digging his fingers into the back of Michael's neck to pull him in. Michael laughs a little, almost deliriously, wrapping his hands around the backs of Alex's knees and pulling him closer.

Alex lets Michael tug him wherever he wants him, hooking his knees around Michael's hips.

Michael presses his hands to Alex's face, fingers around his jaw, tilting his face up as Michael leans down, stopping close enough to rub their noses together.

"Marry me?" he breathes into the space between their mouths.

Alex hums low in his throat as he wraps his arms around Michael's waist, "I asked you fir-"

The rest of the words are caught by Michael's lips as he kisses Alex again, pressing their mouths together softly once, before tilting his head to change the angle, and kissing him again.

Alex tightens his hold on Michael, pulling him in even closer, and they lose several more minutes just kissing languidly, pressed close together.

Michael parts their mouths with a gasp, pressing his forehead to Alex's.

"Yes," Michael breathes.

"Yeah?" Alex questions, not thinking about anything but kissing Michael again.

Michael laughs a little, "Yes, I'll marry you."

Alex smiles, feeling so happy and light, "Yeah?"

"Yes," Michael repeats, kissing Alex once quickly. "You?"

"Of course, I will," Alex says, bumping their noses together. "I'll marry you as many times as you want me to."

Michael kisses him again, hard and biting. Alex holds him close for a long moment, before he pushes him back, parting their mouths with a slick sound. 

"Let's go get married," Alex says, grinning stupidly.

Michael smiles back at him, and just tugs him in for another kiss. Alex kisses him back, they still have time before their appointment.

[mystic-writings]

remember the nights | chapter six — stargazing

WORD COUNT — 1,772

WARNINGS — none

NOTES — ah yes, the iconic skeletal formula fic, which i taught myself how to write a skeletal formula and promptly deleted the info from my brain a week later

previous chapter | masterlist | next chapter

School was quickly becoming the bane of your existence. Between the economics test you and the others had all studied for last week — which you were extremely thankful for, as it helped your grade immensely — and the teachers grilling everyone about midterms, you were under more pressure than you’d ever felt, and were assigned more homework than you knew what to do with. 

Along with that came the fact that college admissions had finally opened up, and you were entirely unsure as to where you wanted to go. There were good schools in New York City, and for a very long time you had planned to go to one of them with all of your friends so that you wouldn’t have to pay as much for a dorm or an apartment. Now, though, you’d have to do that wherever you went, and you hadn’t been talking to your city friends as much, and you just weren’t sure what to do anymore. No matter how far you went, you’d have to get a dorm or an apartment, and if you chose to go out of state, that meant even more of a cost. 

Today, though, you were focusing on something that, overall, seemed small, but to you, was anything but. You invited Newt over to the house to help you attempt to understand the one subject that seemed to be out to kill your GPA — chemistry. He should be arriving at any minute, wielding his seemingly miraculous understanding of the science in order to help you with the ten homework questions that you’d been putting off since Thursday. 

Dinner had long been eaten and cleaned up, Thomas and Chuck had retreated to Chuck’s room to play video games for the rest of Chuck’s night, and your dad and Maggie were watching a movie in the living room. You were with them, sitting in the armchair and barely processing the movie as you waited patiently for Newt to show up. 

When the doorbell rang, you practically sprung from your chair, ignoring the chuckle your father let out as you did so. Newt greeted Maggie and your dad as you invited him inside, his school bag slung over one shoulder. He received a quick, warm welcome back from the couple as they kept their eyes on the movie.

Newt followed you upstairs as you led him into your room, keeping the door open — a rule firmly set by your dad when you told him about Newt’s coming over this afternoon, though you knew nothing that your dad was implying was going to happen between you and Newt. 

“I still don’t get how you don’t understand chemistry,” Newt said, dropping his bag by your bed and taking a seat on it. 

You scoffed, grabbing your textbook and homework supplies, sitting cross legged near the head of your bed. “Says the guy who was literally named after Isaac Newton.” 

“One, remind me to punch Gally when I see him tomorrow for telling you that,” Newt rolled his eyes, “and two, Isaac Newton was a mathematician, not a chemist. You’re thinking of Marie Curie.”

“Oh, like that makes such a big difference,” you dismissed him, grabbing your pencils. “You’re still named after a freaking genius.” 

Newt laughed, shaking his head before mirroring your position on the bed and diving into the material. 

Half an hour passed by as Newt explained the homework and everything that related to it, but it seemed as though your brain simply refused to process it. You’d only gotten three questions done, and you were twice as frustrated as you were when you first started. 

“How do skeletal formulas even work? I don’t get it.” You groaned, pressing the heels of your palms into your eyes. “Just write out the damn formula, give me a periodic table, and let me figure it out from there.” 

Newt couldn’t stifle his laughter. “It doesn’t quite work like that, Y/n,” he said, writing something out on his piece of paper and showing it to you. “Writing out a skeletal formula is just taking an outstretched version of a molecule and breaking it down into its functional groups and carbon.” 

He turned the paper back to him, writing something out, and underlining ‘2-butanol’ before getting back to work, explaining and showing it to you as he went along. “So, you see how I wrote out all the atoms connected to one another with these lines? C is carbon, H is hydrogen, and O is oxygen. The lines that connect the carbon together is the carbon skeleton, and OH — the oxygen and hydrogen — are the functional group, so they can stay, and so can the carbon.” 

Newt erased some things on the paper before the lead hit the paper, drawing out something new. “Take out all of the letters except for the OH, connect all the lines, and viola,” he showed you the paper with a smile. “A skeletal formula.” 

“Oh,” you nodded, “I still don’t get it.” 

Newt sighed, dropping his pencil onto his paper. “Honestly, I’m starting to think you’re a lost bloody cause.”

“Maybe I am.” You shrugged, glancing around your room before an idea came to your mind. “How about we take a break, do something else, and come back to this with fresh minds.” 

“Like what?”

You smiled, almost mischievously, nodding your head to the window across the room. “Wanna go look at the stars?”

Within minutes, you and Newt had pulled a blanket onto the roof of the garage, laying it out across the shingles in order to be comfortable. Newt had grabbed his jacket from where he put it on the back of your chair, and you brought out your comfiest sweater from your closet. 

Newt was already laying down comfortably by the time you’d gotten onto the roof again, his hands tucked under his head. You laid down in the spot to his right, eyes trailing up to the sky, mesmerized by the view. The quiet of a town already gone to sleep settled over the two of you, washing away the stress of high school chemistry and replacing it with the tranquility of a quiet town and a beautiful sky. 

“It’s so beautiful,” 

“Yeah, it is,” Newt’s voice nearly caught you off guard, as though you’d forgotten he was even there. 

When you turned to look at him, his eyes were already on you. 

Newt sucked in a breath, turning his gaze back to the stars. “I used to do stuff like this all the time when I was younger.” 

“I don’t think I’ve seen stars like this… well, ever.” You admitted. “Living in a big city, all that light pollution… The sky didn’t even get that dark at night. It just got sort of… reddish. It wasn’t even like it was really dark outside sometimes.” 

“Really?” Newt frowned. “I can’t even imagine something like that. When I was young, I had this obsession with the stars and constellations and stuff. Every chance I got, I’d ask my mum to buy me books about them. I even learned how to point out the bloody constellations from my bedroom window.” 

And, for the next little while, that’s what Newt did. For the better part of an hour, though it didn’t feel anything close to that long, Newt pointed up at the stars, rattling off star names, the names of the constellations that connected them, and some of the stories that people connected to them long ago. You watched him happily, soaking up everything he told you. You glanced at him more than you did the sky, though, as the look on his face was what had you truly enamored. The passion and joy gleaming in his eyes was worth the cold chilling you to the bone. 

The chill of the autumn air mixed well with the cadence in Newt’s voice, soothing you until, before you knew it, you were teetering in and out of sleep, balancing very carefully on that dangerous tightrope. 

When you finally found the strength to open your eyes, Newt had fallen silent, eyes locking with yours as a playful smile stretched onto his lips. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You fell asleep,” he laughed. 

“I did?”

“Yeah, about twenty minutes ago, I think,” he shrugged, sitting up. “We might wanna go inside now, though. I’ve gotta go soon, and we still have work to do.”

You groaned, dreading going back to the discarded chemistry textbooks on your bed, watching Newt push himself to his feet and extending two hands to help you stand. You accepted the help and quickly got to your feet, ignoring how warm his hands were in your ice-like ones. 

Still, you folded up the blanket and trudged inside after Newt, returning to your homework and doing your best to complete it within the half hour window you were left with until Newt had to go back home. Most of that time, however, had been spent joking around, mostly about how you were most definitely going to fail the class, until you decided to copy Newt’s homework, which is mainly what you’d been doing for most of the semester, anyway. 

You walked Newt to the door at ten minutes to ten o’clock. Most of the lights in the house were off, and your main guiding light was the TV as your father lay on the couch, passed out with some history docuseries playing absently in front of him. 

You opened the door for Newt, leaning against the frame with one hand on the doorknob after he passed through it and stepped onto the front porch. Just as he began to leave, you said, “Thanks, by the way,”

Newt turned, a playful smile on his face. “For what? Letting you copy my homework for the hundredth time?”

“No,” you scoffed a laugh, “for teaching me something, at least. I might not understand the shrouding mystery behind a skeletal formula, but I do know about the Greek mythology of Orion’s belt, and that’s gotta count for something.” 

Newt shrugged, his smile growing softer with each second. “No biggie. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah. See you tomorrow.” You nodded, watching him descend your few stairs and head to his car, pulling away from the curb and heading home. 

Long after his headlights were gone from your sight, you headed inside with a sigh, resting your forehead against the wood of the door as you closed it. And even though the day ahead of you was just going to be another boring, monotonous day, you couldn’t help but be excited for it to begin.

series masterlist: @heliads @ghostofscarley @badbatch-simp24 @virginia-peters @third-broparcelicito @lamolaine (open!)

[imagineitdearies]

I just wanted to reach out and give you some reassuring words seeing how you're probably ovestressed or burned out lately. I'm in the same boat the past couple of weeks (having deadline after deadline) and found myself struggling mentally, especially with motivation, but there are some good parts too. Your fic for one, having read the latest chapter in the morning, helped me start my day. Reading your work and how beautifully you write, motivates me a lot in my own work, as I'm stuck in my own literary "limbo". You should take pride in all the positive and enthousiastic reactions you get from PS and take some time for yourself. Do not overexert yourself. Your work is incredible, it is my favourite thing on the internet right now. I hope all goes well for you and you feel better.

Hey atenad 💙 thank you so much for this sweet message!!

Everyone's kindness and support has had such a huge impact on me and my enthusiasm to keep writing and posting, so I really appreciate you reaching out 🥺 especially since this fic has kept growing longer than expected!! Not that I'm complaining, it's been a joyous experience despite the dark material and reignited my passion after a long writer's block (and even helped me realize what kind of original content I want to write in future 🧛‍♂️). I'm so glad the fic has been a source of inspiration for you as well!!

All that said, writing endings is hard and I started physical therapy a couple weeks back after a back injury, which is kicking. my. ass. Haven't been this tired in a while, so that on top of a work conference coming up next week means I am indeed, firstly and primarily focused on taking care of myself....even if I am secondly focused on chipping away at comment replies and squeezing in a little bit of writing/editing every day, lol. Can't go too long without my boys, I'd miss them too much 💙

Chapter 31 is likely getting posted this weekend, if I had to guess! And I'm honestly excited to be traveling after that, I always get a shit ton of writing done in airports/on planes 😂 thanks again for your kind words.

[lostinwoso]

Christmas Surprise (Mapi León x Reader)

A late Christmas fic, made from this request.

It’s the first training session in December, so the main topic in the locker room today is what everyone has planned for Christmas. Since you and Mapi haven’t talked about that topic yet, you try to dodge those questions as good as you can, knowing that it’s something you should probably talk about with your girlfriend in private first. 

You and Mapi started dating thanks to a kiss at the last New Year's Eve party that the team held together, which is why the topic of celebrating Christmas hasn’t come up before.

Your girlfriend noticed your silence during the conversation in the locker room, so as soon as training was done and you two are now on the way back to her apartment, she decides to bring the topic up, “So, what is the plan for Christmas? Are we going to celebrate together?”.

“I was planning on going home for Christmas? I never missed a Christmas at home, it’s like a tradition for me to go home for it.”, you admit, hoping that Mapi won’t be upset or mad at you for not mentioning it earlier. 

“That’s alright.”.

“It is?”.

“Of course, why wouldn’t it be?”.

“I don’t know, I thought you might be upset about me telling you so late.”, you admit.

Mapi places her hand on your thigh, “Mi corazón, it’s literally the beginning of December, so you are totally not late. And I understand that you want to celebrate it at home, of course Christmas is not going to be as much fun without you, but it’s fine. We can have our own little celebration when you are back.”, she reassures you.

“Thank you for being so understanding, te amo.”.

“Yo también te amo.”.

___

The next few weeks leading up to Christmas you two went through a couple of different stores, trying to find the perfect gifts for each of your respective family members to give. 

After getting the last gift for one of Mapi’s cousins, you two decided to end the shopping trip with a stop at your both favorite café. 

“I’m so happy we finally got gifts for everyone, this was more exhausting than I expected it to be.”, your girlfriend huffs out before taking a sip from the coffee she ordered. 

“I agree.”, you reply, just as happy that the whole Christmas shopping stress is finally over.

“I was thinking we could wrap the presents together, the day before you leave, we could order some food after and watch some movies.”, Mapi suggests. 

“That sounds great.”, you say, making Mapi smile.

You both finished your warm drinks, already on the way to the defender's car, when a thought comes up in your mind, “Wait, do we have enough wrapping paper for all the gifts?”.

Mapi comes to a stop at your question, thinking about it for a moment before she lets out a groan and takes your hand to walk back to one of the many busy stores in the city to get the wrapping paper you two would need.

___

Just as planned, you two are now sitting in the middle of Mapi’s living room, on the floor, to wrap all the presents you bought over the December weeks. 

“Why does yours look so much better than mine?”, your girlfriend whines, glancing between your neatly wrapped gift before her eyes settle back to the messy attempt in front of her.

You can’t stop the chuckle that leaves you, when you see how she tried to wrap the gift, making her pout, “You are using the wrong technique.”.

“Show me?”.

After showing her the easiest way to wrap a present up, the first few still looked a bit crooked but still way better than before, before she really got the hang of it. Wrapping the presents up was faster done than you two expected with the amount you two bought for your families, but the light music in the background and the little break where Mapi’s cats decided to join in the fun and started to play with the gift ribbon, made the time fly by. 

You two were placing the presents into bags, when the doorbell rings, meaning that the food you ordered arrived, “I’ll go.”, you say, grabbing your wallet on the way to the door to tip the delivery person. While you were getting the food, Mapi continued to pack both your gifts in the respective bags.

So with that out of the way, you both took the food and got comfortable on the couch, ready to end the evening with some nice movies. 

During the second movie, you notice your girlfriend checking her phone with a huge smile on her face, “What got you smiling like that?”. 

“That’s a surprise.”, the defender answers, turning her phone off with a cheeky smile before pulling you into her embrace. 

 “A good surprise?”.

“I would say so, yea.”.

You tried to pry some info out of your girlfriend about the ‘surprise’ she seems to have planned, but no matter what you tried to get her to open up, nothing seemed to work. So after a few failed attempts, you decided to give up and just enjoy the night before you would split for the next few days. 

The next morning, Mapi and you said your goodbyes, with your girlfriend acting a little more dramatic than it really is, before you made your way home for Christmas. 

What you don’t know is that as soon as you left, Mapi started to get ready for the surprise she had planned. The defender grabbed the bag of gifts and made her own way to her family, but unlike you, she would already celebrate the holiday as soon as she arrived. 

She managed to convince her family to hold an early Christmas celebration, so she could visit you at your home, wanting to spend the day together with the person she loves. 

___

The morning of Christmas, you and your family had a big breakfast together before it was time to move onto the presents. As you started to place the gifts you brought under the tree, you noticed that one was missing. Confused, you counted every single one you had already taken out, but no matter how often you counted, one was still missing. 

After checking if it might have ended up falling out and is somewhere in your old childhood room, only to end with nothing again, you started to get upset. It was the present for your mother, one you knew she wanted for a long time.

 “What’s wrong?”, your mother asks you, when she notices how defeated you look after coming back down the stairs.

“I forgot your present at Mapi’s place.”, you admit, letting yourself fall into the empty space on the couch next to her. 

“But that’s alright, you can just give it to me next time.”, she tries to reassure you.

“But that’s not the same.”.

Before your mother can speak up again, the rest of your family comes into the living room, ready to open up the gifts, when suddenly the doorbell rings. Confused, you look around the room to see if anyone is missing, but no one is. What you don’t notice is that you seem to be the only one confused by the interruption.

“Can you go?”, your mother asks you.

“Do I have to? I’m really not in the mood.”, you state, but the look she sends you leaves no room for discussion, so you stand up to make your way to the door and open it.

“Hello?”, you greet while opening, but when you see your girlfriend standing there you are at a loss for words, definitely not having her expected to be here. 

Your girlfriend starts to smile at your reaction before holding up her hand, “I think you forgot something.”. 

Looking at her hand, you see her holding the present for your mother, “I- what?”, you stammer out confused while taking the gift out of her hand. 

You glance between her and the gift a few times before you really realize that she is truly there, standing in front of you, but as soon as the realization comes, you pull her into a tight hug, “What are you doing here?”.

“That’s your surprise, plus you forgot the present.”, she replies, holding you just as tight. 

“Best surprise ever, and thank you.”.

After holding onto each other for a moment longer, you two go back inside to join your family, who were waiting for you to come back to open the presents. The upset expression you held before is now completely replaced by happiness, thanks to your girlfriend's surprise.

[boogleboot]

One year since Fateheart

A year ago I posted Fateheart: A Starless Seaquel to Ao3 (link here) - the mammoth fanfic sequel to Erin Morgenstern's The Starless Sea.

Fateheart has had an incredible year, and has completely changed my life, by all measures. Posting it has connected me to so many wonderful people and helped bring together a genuine community over on the Starless Sea discord (which you should join hey here's a link) who have supported me through the last hellish few weeks of uni assignments as well as months and months of creative projects and ambitious fic writing.

So on this blessed solstice day, here is a lil update for those who are following the slow progress of the unofficial Starless Sea canon as developed in Fateheart.

Oh that's right, baby. It ain't just one fan sequel. It's gonna be uhhh (checks notes) at least four.

I really really wanted to get the next book out at this year mark - on the solstice and year anniversary - but despite hitting that 50k mark for NaNoWriMo last month it just didn't happen (it's been a rough couple months - I am currently doing a master's course that is kicking my ass).

But I am determined to get Fever Pitch, the next full-novel-length follow-up story, out in full as soon as humanly possible. Toward that end I have gone ahead and made a posting for it. The first few chapters are done and have been done for a while, so I shall slowly be posting them as I work on the rest.

Watch this space!!!!

I never really intended Fever Pitch to be a fully-fledged sequel. Mind you, I didn't intend that with Fateheart either, but in a different way. In my mind the next book in the sequence is and always has been a story called The Lotus Flowers. Nearly 180k words of that one exist, but it is too important a story not to get right. So I'm gonna give it as much time as it needs - and it may need quite a lot.

But in working on Lotus Flowers, I came to realise that a lot of the world-building and character development which I was taking for granted was in fact not as obvious to the reader as it would be to me - LF is, after all, set ten or so years after Fateheart, and considering all of The Starless Sea (at least for Zachary and Dorian) takes place in about two weeks, ten years is space enough for a LOT of story.

So in order to strengthen my sense of where Zachary, Dorian, and Kat have found themselves by the ten year mark, I started noting down some of the more important moments from that decade of time. And then just kept writing. And writing and writing and writing until a handful of them were fully fledged novellas.

I have put up the polished ones - they are collected together on Ao3 as 'Fateheart: The Extended Canon'. Which is. A bit pretentious. But whatever. (Also I'm not kidding myself that all the fics in this collection are vital plot points, but there are a couple standout ones which are Canon Events in my mind, that will be referenced in later full-length fics. Namely A Heart That Won't Break, Death in the Valley, and The Man Named Sky.)

But one of these short (aspirationally) stories seemed as I wrote to have particular space in it for so much of that world-building and exposition, and that was Fever Pitch.

Fever Pitch takes place five years after the birth of the Harbour, and the events of Fateheart, and is an Alice-in-Wonderland themed story which explores the lives of all the main Fateheart characters (Zachary, Dorian, Kat, and Leander, namely), introduces some new players (shoutout Tabuzae and Kirsty Baudeville), as well as establishing the limits and life of the Harbour they live in.

I'd say a solid sixty percent of this story currently exists, and I'm gonna amp up the pressure on myself to complete it by posting it as I go - something I've never done before, so bear with me.

It means so much to me that there are people out here who care as much about these people and this little world on the Starless Sea as I do - even more so that so many people have loved my offerings of more story. The above photo is of my christmas present from a housemate who was one of Fateheart's earliest readers. It's so beautiful it makes my heart leap.

We rise, we fall - as stories do.

I am committed to seeing this story through, by the way - all the way to the end - and that is gonna take years. But we start here - with the next book in the series. First few chapters to appear over Christmas.

Until then, happy solstice. To seeking x

[canadiansummer]

TITLE: A Matter of Traditions [18+] PAIRING: Dmitri Antonov x Fem!Reader / Enzo x Fem!Reader REQUEST: from anon: “I absolutely love how you write Dmitri, and since you are taking requests, how about: celebrating his first Christmas in the US with f!reader? He may or may not be the present :D (meaning: I also love how you write sexy times!) Additional details (but not required, really, everything is up to you!): no mentions of Stranger Things canon and therefore no Mikhail; reader is a neighbor who can speak Russian and that's why they start bonding, she's a book translator maybe so she works from home and instead of typing she spends her days looking out of the window as the Russian hottie paints his fence...“ WARNINGS: GRAPHIC SMUT, minors dni. There’s also mention of grief and grieving, and unprotected sex (the pullout method does not work, this is fiction lol) It’s 14 pages, so I’d pace yourself. NOTE: Firstly, I’m sorry for writing a Christmas fic in March. The idea was just too fun. Secondly, thank you to the anon who sent this! I tried to work with what you wanted, but I left some stuff vague. Regardless, I hope you enjoy this and the same to everybody else who reads it.

You weren’t used to not seeing snow around this time of year.

Granted, you had lived in California for years, but your family had dragged you across state lines to meet for Christmas every year. You had always dragged your feet about the drive, yet this year you found yourself almost missing that on top of actually seeing your family. There were lights, a few decorations that reminded you what month it was, yet there was a part of you that was hoping you would just push through the last week and move on from the holiday. Which was what had you throwing yourself into your work more this month, both translating and getting ahead in your lesson recordings.

Which is also how you found yourself leaning against the small brick wall of Joyce Byers’ walk up, a heavy cassette recorder resting in your arms as you waited for her to come back outside to collect it.

She lived a bit of a drive away from you, but your little friendship with her had you kind of running around in the same circle. Which you knew wasn’t intended, but given the neighbor you had, you found yourself asking after and being invited to things involving her. Still, your initial bonding over working from home stood strong, but you could admit that you found it nice to have more reasons to see her. Though, that was at odds with you being pretty withdrawn this month.

Still, it was nice to be outside for a bit, even if there was that exhaustion that lingered over you over the last couple of weeks.

You lifted your gaze from the worn brand name on the recorder in your hands to the front door when you heard it open, Joyce stepping outside with a grin. She looked…a little stressed, actually, but you found yourself returning her smile with a small one of your own.

“Thank you so much for letting me borrow this,” you said as you stepped forward to return the device to her, “Once I have my next book translated, I should have enough to buy my own so I don’t need to bother you every couple of weeks.”

“It’s not a big deal, don’t worry,” Joyce dismissed easily enough, setting the recorder on the edge of the steps. “How is that coming along, anyway? I…can’t imagine books in Russian sell all that well over here.”

“Well, it’s not something I’d say is flying off the shelves,” you replied, sitting yourself down on the step once Joyce had done so herself, “Though, there’s some people interested and I can get enough from selling stuff under the table. The language lessons might do better, once I’ve got them all together.”

“Dmitri is still helping you with that, right?”

“With pronunciation, mostly,” you replied with a nod, “He’s been…really helpful.”

In more ways than one, you supposed. Your interactions with him had steadily moved toward a more gray area in regards to what was platonic and what wasn’t.

You had formed a quick friendship based on your shared language, which had been a bit of a surprise to both you and some of the people around you. Then the eventual proximity of your living situations only made interacting with him not only easier, but more frequent. You had approached him with the recording idea, considering you could read and write in Russian easily enough at that point, but you were concerned about your accent and pronunciation. Having a native speaker living within walking distance was too good an opportunity to pass up.

Yet, it wasn’t hard to miss the fact that you had started to regard him in a way that wasn’t exactly neighborly or professional. You knew some things about him–he knew Hopper and Joyce, as you’d crossed paths with him a couple times when visiting them, though the nature of his relationship with them wasn’t completely known to you yet. You also knew he was a political defector, as he’d described, but pushing further into that only got you vaguer answers. As much as your curiosity wanted you to dig, you knew it wasn’t your place to. Regardless, a closeness had formed over the last while and you couldn’t help but regard him in a different way. If he returned that or not, it was hard to read at points. Sometimes it seemed so, yet other times it felt like you were reading into things a little too much.

It was a frustrating push-and-pull that often left you with more questions than answers.

As if reading your mind, you caught the look Joyce tossed your way. The touch of a grin on her lips, eyebrows slightly raised. You let out a small scoff but couldn’t help mirroring her grin.

“Don’t start.”

“I’m not saying anything,” Joyce replied, lightheartedly as she raised her hands up somewhat, “Just that if you’re worried about our reaction, you might not find much surprise…”

“He’s…helping me out, that’s all.” As much as you wished otherwise, sometimes.

“Okay,” she replied, still teasing but it was clear she was backing off the topic. For now, you supposed. She rubbed her hands on the tops of her legs, looking out toward the street as you noticed her demeanor change somewhat. “Anyway, that’s not what I wanted to talk with you about…”

You shifted to sit toward her a little more on the step, giving her your attention as she glanced back toward you. There was a softness to her expression, one that put a bit of tension in you.

“I know that this will be your first Christmas without your family…” she started, that familiar pit of grief setting back into your gut that you had forgotten about for a few moments. “I hate to think that you’ll be alone, so if you wanted to spend it with us, we’d be happy to have you.”

“Joyce…” you started, feeling a small squeeze in your chest at her kind gesture, “That’s so sweet, but I think I’ll be fine. It still hurts, but…I don’t know, maybe I need to do it this way. Let myself grieve, things like that.”

“I understand. I just didn’t want you to feel alone, or…”

“I’ll be fine,” you replied with a light smile, “I’ll join you guys for New Years.”

“Okay,” Joyce said with a small, sympathetic smile as she reached out to squeeze your hand.

You returned it easily, despite the light choking feeling in your throat.

                                                             ***

At around noon, you got a knock on your front door.

You were sitting at your kitchen table, listening to the radio host talking–weather, traffic, it was something you could easily tune out as you finished off your lunch. However, the sound made you pause, your eyebrows furrowing somewhat before you crossed over toward the living room to subtly peer behind a curtain toward the front door. You immediately recognized the figure outside, though it didn’t quite quell the mild confusion in you.

Finally, you opened the door with a small smile–friendly, but you couldn’t ignore the small twinge of nervousness that settled in you.

Dmitri looked as collected as he usually did–it was interesting how friendly and attentive he could appear sometimes, while also still being as unreadable as he was sometimes. At the moment, however, he greeted you with a familiar grin, his body language relaxed yet almost expectant. While you returned the quick greeting he gave you, it was hard to hide the touch of confusion that lingered in your expression.

That is, until he produced a cassette tape from his pocket, realization making you let out an almost embarrassed chuckle.

“That completely slipped my mind,” you admitted, finally shifting to open the door some more, “Feel free to come in. I’m interested in hearing your input.”

You left him to let himself in as you crossed the room to turn off the radio as the starts of a familiar holiday song started up. As unavoidable as you knew it was, considering it was only a couple of days until Christmas, you just wanted to carry on like it was a normal week. Having him there to talk about your progress in Russian was a welcomed distraction.

“I don’t have much to give you this time,” he replied as you cleared off the table, leaving him to place the tape down on the surface as you returned. “Your accent is getting better.”

“I’m glad,” you replied with a light smile, sitting back down in your chair as you pulled the tape toward yourself, turning it over in your hands somewhat. “It means I won’t have to redo this one, which is always a good thing. I can’t thank you enough for your help. It’d be easier to just keep to translation, but that work only comes so often so…well.”

“It’s fine,” he replied, somewhat dismissive but otherwise his tone was light–you’d learned a while ago that if he didn’t want to do this, you probably would have known by now. “I still want to work on my English, but it is nice to do this.”

You gave him a small, understanding nod at that. Given what you knew about him and where he came from, you could understand where he was coming from with that somewhat. Though, you noticed him glancing around your home at that moment, as if looking for something. This wasn’t the first time he had set foot in your home–usually no more than to do this exact thing, actually. Yet, you couldn’t help the slow furrowing of your brows as he glanced back toward you.

“You don’t celebrate?”

It took you a moment to clue in–compared to other houses in the neighborhood, you knew yours was lacking in decorations or anything this year. You didn’t have the energy or see the point–there’d be another time. It was hard to stop yourself from wringing your hands together, however, dropping your gaze down toward the table for a moment.

“My, uh,” you started, “My family used to gather around this time of year, but…we’re not doing that this year. It’s the first time I’m on my own this year, so I didn’t really see a reason to set everything up.”

“I understand,” he replied, “It is not my first time alone, but it is while being here.”

“Oh…yeah, I suppose it would be,” you said, meeting his gaze again, “It’d be different dates for you, wouldn’t it?”

“Yes and no,” he said after a small pause, finally shifting to sit down at the vacant chair at your table. “My parents grew up under strict religious laws–the government didn’t want any religion at all in the country and I grew up in a time where that was still present. We were allowed to celebrate the new year, so my family carried some traditions over to celebrate then. Not too different from what I have seen. We had a small tree, some old decorations and presents if we could afford them. It was an excuse to save food and cook in my house.”

“I had no idea,” you replied, taking in that information, “This must be a couple firsts for you, then.”

“At a literal level, sure,” he replied with a small shrug, “Like I said, this is not the first time I have been alone during this time of the year. It doesn’t feel too different.”

You wished you could say the same.

Still, you bit back that remark–you didn’t really know why. He had just shared a couple things about his family, but you still bit your tongue about the fact that your father had been the one to bring the family together at this time. After his passing, nobody really knew who should take up the mantle and with it being so recent…well, there was still a sting to it.

However, sitting at the table with Dmitri as a small silence lingered after his words, you found a somewhat surprising thought crop up in your mind. You supposed it wasn’t too different from how Joyce felt toward you a couple days ago–yet, it’d force you to acknowledge the holiday at least somewhat, but the casual way he talked about being alone stabbed at you somewhat.

Would he even want to? You enjoyed spending time with him, and it seemed like he returned the feeling, yet…

“Well…” you started, fiddling with the cassette tape again, “If we’re both alone, maybe you’d want to spend it here?”

“With you?” he asked after a moment, a small pit of regret setting into your gut at the question.

“Only if you want to,” you said, pushing through the feeling as though a part of you just wanted to retract the offer, “I know I wasn’t planning on doing anything this year, so I could not make a big deal out of it anyway. I just thought I’d offer since you’re my neighbor–my friend. It can be…a little lonely.”

A part of you worried that it sounded a little too much like you were offering out of pity, yet Dmitri didn’t seem to take it that way. That, or he didn’t voice it at the moment. He seemed to think that over, which was a little unexpected. You had been expecting a polite decline–you were just helping each other out, asking to spend Christmas together was a little overboard.

Yet, he still continued to surprise you.

“If you want to,” he said after a few moments, causing you to glance toward him, “that would be nice. I wouldn’t mind that.”

“Like I said, it wouldn’t be too much of an issue,” you replied as you felt a small grin touch your face, “It might give me an excuse to pick up a small tree and buy my own decorations.”

“Again, if you want. Still…thank you.”

                                                          ***

“Hopper and Joyce said they are doing a sort of backyard party for New Years if the weather is nice enough,” Dmitri said after rummaging through a back to pass you another wrapped box of ornaments as you worked on unwrapping the cord for the lights on the small tree. “I was told to pass on the invitation to you.”

“Joyce already hinted at it,” you said, though you were still touched that they still went out of their way to do so formally. Though, you paused somewhat, glancing toward him over your shoulder. “Didn’t they have one recently? For Halloween?”

“I think so,” he replied, “I am starting to think it is a way to make sure I don’t need to buy my own food.”

“My family used to do those in the summer–though, I used to live where it snowed a lot in the winter so I suppose it was a summer thing. Maybe they are just taking advantage of the climate here.”

“Maybe.”

As much as you had been nervous to let him spend the holiday with you, things seemed to relax into how they usually were once you were in the same space together. You were reminded that things often felt like a tug-of-war with him at points–lighthearted and flirty sometimes, then kind of distant and neighborly during other times. Really, there was a part of you that just wanted to ask. To rip the bandage off and settle on an answer so it wasn’t a question that sat on your mind whenever you were with him.

At the moment, however, you didn’t find the words coming forth. Still, the fact that Joyce and Hopper knew you two interacted enough to send messages down through each other, along with the look Joyce had given you back when you sat on her step, had you holding back the urge to shake your head.

If it was that obvious, the crossing of that line shouldn’t be as difficult as it was.

Still, you didn’t want to dwell on that in the current situation. Not with Dmitri in your home and you sitting on the floor as you finished setting up the small tree you had bought. It was fake, about the length of your arm. You put a small, plaid cloth over the step stool you set it on in the living room, but for the most part it wasn’t too bad. Finally, you plugged the lights in, shifting to sit a little further back from it as you took it in.

Again, it wasn’t much, but the lights did make you feel a little better somehow.

“There it is,” you said, spreading your arms out somewhat in a teasing manner toward it.

“You honored your word at least,” Dmitri commented.

“I definitely try to,” you muttered as you watched him help himself to a box of ornaments.

They were mostly decorative balls, you didn’t want to go overboard. It was a little odd to see him like this, yet it put a lightness in your chest that you hadn’t felt in a while. You didn’t mind the small silences, either, considering a part of you was still struggling to admit that not only were you going ahead with holding at least a small celebration for the season, but it was also with him. You enjoyed Dmitri’s company, but in a situation like this you feared that your mind would tumble down a familiar path and you would end up saying something that would make this awkward.

So, you were also happy that you had something to do with your hands as you set about decorating the tree with him. However, that relatively mild ‘peace’ didn’t last too long.

“You said your family gathered in the summer and during this time?” Dmitri asked, causing you to glance toward him as you could sense that uncomfortable topic approaching. “Is this a lot like what they would do?”

“Kind of,” you replied after taking in a small breath, looking over the tree for a moment. “Just…bigger, I guess. My parents liked to bring everybody together, so it was usually a pretty crowded house. Relatives sleeping on couches.”

Dmitri didn’t say anything, just listening. You debated on leaving it at that, yet you figured letting him in a bit wouldn’t be too terrible. You both were a little vague about certain things, but you certainly didn’t regard him as some stranger or distant acquaintance. The current situation was proof of that.

“My mother passed when I was younger,” you continued, “It was my dad who carried on the traditions they set out, despite how painful it was during the earlier years. He did that by himself for years, well into his kids being adults, having kids of their own. He…passed this year, a while ago but still recent enough that I think we’re struggling to figure out how to pick up what he left. I just…know it’s not me. Not this year.”

“...I’m sorry,” Dmitri said as he let that sit for a couple of moments, “You didn’t say anything about that.”

“I struggled with admitting it to myself for a while,” you admitted, “I started telling more people, but then this month…I don’t know. I just didn’t want to think about it.”

“I can understand.”

You sat down on the floor as you took the last decoration from your box, resting your arms on your knees as you took in the tree for a few moments. A part of you had been expecting to struggle to hold back tears and not break down in front of him, yet there was an odd sense of calmness in you. Maybe it was just the moment and it would all hit you once all of this was over, but you would take it as it was for the time being.

“It hurts, but…I don’t know. I think he’d be relieved I’m not spending it alone in the dark or something. Not that I invited you to fill that or whatever, but I know he’d be happy.”

Dmitri didn’t reply to that, seeming to accept your natural response to all of that as he sat beside you as you both took in your work. You found a familiar feeling rising up in you, the very same one that had been poking at you the whole time that existed outside of your grief for the loss of your father.

Maybe you should just say something. The year was ending, maybe you could just get an answer.

“This is probably a terrible time to get into this, but I just wanted to know if…”

You had felt a bit of courage build up in you as you started talking, yet when you turned to look at Dmitri, the words kind of died on your tongue.

The look on his face took you off guard, admittedly. While a part of you was expecting to see the pained expression of a rejection that you had seen on different people throughout different points in your life, the softness of his expression and turning to meet his gaze unexpectedly head-on had your heart stopping for a moment. Dmitri looked somewhat surprised himself, like he hadn’t expected you to catch him looking at you. Yet, despite how easily either of you could just look away, you found yourself holding his gaze for a few, prolonged moments.

As much as you knew you could just complete your thought–just ask outright if he was as interested in you as you were in him–you realized that you didn’t have to. You found yourself leaning in easily to meet him in a kiss, Dmitri cupping the back of your head as you shifted closer to him. The kisses got firmer as the initial hesitancy stepped aside, your hands coming up to cup both sides of his jaw. You felt his arm slip around your lower back as he pulled you closer to him.

You slipped your leg over one of his own, allowing your bodies to brush briefly as you wrapped your arms around the back of his neck and shoulders. The position was a little uncomfortable on the hardwood of your floor, but the mix of the rush of emotions and genuine relief had you savoring the moment. There had been the wandering thoughts of what it would be like if you had just kissed him at certain moments, or vice versa, yet the reality was a different story.

In the dying light of day and the small illumination of the lights on the tree beside you, along with the days and weeks of dreading the next day or so, the fact that he was kissing you was almost euphoric.

However, you knew the lightheadedness you were starting to feel was from needing some air.

You pulled back from the kiss somewhat with a small inhale, feeling like your mind was buzzing with things you should say following that. Yet, Dmitri’s hand tracing along the side of your face, thumb running down your jaw, was enough to slow that for a few moments.

“I hope you were wanting to talk about that and not something else,” he said after a few moments, which pulled a small, amused huff from you. “I have wanted to do that for so long.”

“How long?” you asked, failing to hide the mild disbelief from your tone despite everything.

“Weeks,” he replied with a light shrug, “A couple days ago before we ended up talking about Christmas.”

“...Yeah, that’s about the same for me,” you replied with a chuckle, shaking your head lightly, “I had been sitting in suspense for weeks, you should have just done it.”

“Merry Christmas.”

Dmitri pulled you in again for another kiss, feeling him grin into it making you feel almost giddy. It was tempting to deepen it, especially considering you were practically sitting in his lap and you were close enough to feel his chest press against your own as he breathed. Yet, you knew carrying on with this on the floor would quickly become uncomfortable and you didn’t know if he wanted to go any further than kissing. Given the feeling building low in your gut, you knew what your answer was but you still found yourself pulling back after a few moments.

“Can…Do you want to go to my bedroom or just see each other tomorrow? I’m fine with either, but I know I can’t sit on the floor much longer.”

Dmitri regarded you for a few moments, mulling that over as you tried to will your heart to slow down a bit. You knew things were escalating quickly, yet you were truthful about being fine with either. You just wanted him to make a call, and you could tell he knew that as well. You felt him tug lightly at the side of your shirt as he gathered his words.

“If we go to your bedroom, that is not because you don’t want to deal with what you told me about your father, yes? I don’t want to be a distraction from that.”

“I have tried many distractions,” you admitted, shaking your head somewhat sadly, “It’ll still be there and I know that. I want to deal with that. I also want this. The two didn’t really cross in my mind, but no. I don’t want to use you like that. I wouldn’t.”

Dmitri took in your words for a few moments before he nodded, shifting so you could pull away from him more. Though, the separation didn’t last too long as he pulled you back into him once you both were standing, kissing you for a few moments before pulling back somewhat to speak.

“Then I would like to see your bedroom,” he said, pulling lightly at the waistband of your pants, “eventually.”

He pulled you down onto the couch with you on top of him again, his mouth finding yours again. You let out a small noise of surprise with the hardness of the kiss, settling to straddle his hips as you ran your hands down his clothed chest. Despite the current moment, some mild disbelief still managed to push its way to the forefront of your mind that this was happening in the first place. There had been a point where you figured you should have let the whole thing go–to let it fizzle out and you’d settle into more platonic thoughts about him. Yet, that wasn’t the case.

Perhaps it never would have been the case, considering the current moment.

With the confirmation you needed, the hesitancy seemed to melt away as you broke from the kiss to trail your lips down his neck. There had been wandering thoughts every now and again about what it would be like to have his mouth on you, or what reactions he’d have if you did the same. Of course, the reality was pretty different, but you didn’t particularly mind that. Dmitri was a little quiet, which kind of lined up with what you had known of him, but his sighs and the way his hands roamed your back told you he was enjoying himself enough.

It also wasn’t hard to miss the stiffening bulge in his pants that became more apparent as things progressed, his hands venturing into more intimate places. You weren’t too surprised when you found yourself removing your shirt at his prompting, which had you pulling his own up in return. You wanted to feel his skin on yours, which he seemed happy to oblige given how quickly his mouth found your shoulder. You let out a small breath at the feeling of his mouth against your skin, placing a hand against the back of the couch to brace yourself while one moved up into his hair as he dropped his head down to press an open-mouthed kiss against the top of one of your breasts.

Your gaze wandered toward the small bit of a street lamp that you could see through one of the small slits in the blinds. The sun had gone down, the light from the street lamp and some other lights from the houses around being one of the only light sources. For the most part, it looked empty, and you knew your living room blinds were drawn. While doing this in front of a window could go south pretty quickly, the chance of anybody seeing was low and you were enjoying the foreplay.

So, you pushed away from Dmitri somewhat to unclasp your bra. For a few moments, you could feel your heart pick up its pace when his gaze dropped down to your chest. Though, he looked back up to meet your eyes as you returned to your previous position.

“You look better than I pictured,” he muttered.

That surprised you somewhat, that you weren’t alone in the fantasizing, though any response you could come up with to that died before you could formulate it as he cupped one of your breasts in his hand. The sensation had you arching your back into him, unawarely grinding yourself down against his crotch as he gently pinched and rolled one of your nipples. That pulled a low moan from you, Dmitri lifting his hips against your own as you pressed down against him in kind. Even with the both of you still only being half naked, it still felt nice and you definitely wanted more.

“So do you,” you replied finally, almost in a sigh.

There was truth to that statement.

Really, your affection and attraction toward him had been a little slow building–from distraction and stress, at the time. You had thought he was a good-looking man when you had first met him, though you weren’t sure what to make of him. He was more of Hopper’s friend than Joyce’s, but she had been quick to mention your translation work and things between you two had warmed up quickly enough. It was downhill from there, really. You had found yourself enjoying his voice, regardless of the language. His eyes, grin, arms, his lips. Once you had started to wonder what it would be like to be kissed by him, what his hands would feel like on your body, you knew your little acquaintanceship had shifted. There had been a few days where you found yourself staring at him instead of following what he was saying.

Knowing what you did now, you wondered if he’d had similar issues in regards to you.

It didn’t really matter in the long run, however, considering how Dmitri closing his mouth around one of your nipples effectively stopped any further wandering thoughts. He kneaded one of your breasts in his hand, sucking on and flicking his tongue against the nipple of the other. You moaned, fingers gripping a little tighter into the back cushion of the couch. As much as you were clearly enjoying what his mouth and hands were doing, you brushing yourself against and grinding on his cock was slowly killing you.

You dropped your free hand down to his stomach, trailing your fingers down until you felt the waistband of his pants. Fumbling a little blindly until Dmitri pulled his head back from your chest, you opened the front of his pants.

“I figure this might feel a little better,” you said, tone lightly teasing but you couldn’t hide the desire in it as he let you slip your hand into his pants.

You cupped him in your hand, pressing your palm against his erection as he lulled his head back somewhat against the couch. He rolled his hips up against your hand as you rubbed him outside of his underwear for a bit. You watched his face as you did so, rubbing him harder or faster depending on his reactions. The way his breaths hitched and the short grunts and groans he let out was worth delaying your own pleasure for a while. You pulled his cock out, giving it a few languid strokes.

From your position, you knew you could easily just push down your pants and underwear and ride him on the couch, yet you weren’t too keen on doing that where potential eyes could see. Doing what you were doing currently was risky enough. Though, you couldn’t help but keep stroking him, picking up the pace somewhat to help him along. After a few more strokes, you bent down and licked the head of his cock. Immediately, you noticed the way his legs tensed up, a somewhat choked groan escaping him. Dmitri gripping a hand onto your shoulder had you not going any further, however. You glanced up at him as he shook his head lightly.

“You wanted to take me to the bedroom.”

“I thought you seemed pretty relaxed on the couch,” you commented, somewhat amused but caught onto his meaning.

You weren’t sure if you wanted to continue on the couch, either, anyway. Plus, the throbbing between your legs was getting hard to ignore, but you didn’t know if you could multitask enough to touch yourself and pleasure him at the same time. Not with the direction you had been headed, anyway.

So, leading him down the hall toward your room was an easy choice to make. You took the liberty of removing the last of your clothing before climbing onto your bed. Dmitri wasn’t too far behind, following suit before joining you. He pressed you into the mattress as he kissed you. It was harder than the other ones, your mouth parting for his tongue as you felt his cock slide against your folds with a small roll of his hips. You moaned into Dmitri’s mouth, pushing your hips up to rub yourself against his cock. He moaned in return, pressing his hips into your movement as well.

Finally, you broke from the kiss with a small, involuntary whimper. You were more worked up than you realized, a surge of both frustration and anticipation settling into your gut.

“I need you inside me,” you said between a breath, “I want you. Please.”

“I know,” Dmitri muttered against the skin of your neck before he pressed a quick kiss against the underside of your jaw. “You’re so wet.”

You knew, too. It wasn’t hard to notice, and a part of you almost wanted to feel a little embarrassed by that and how your hips kept twitching, but you didn’t really care at the moment. Dmitri ground himself against you a few more times, the movements slow and a little torturous. Thankfully, he seemed ready to move on from that, as you felt him shift back somewhat before pushing his cock into you.

The stretch still had a bit of a pinch to it, but thankfully you were aroused enough to adjust quickly enough. You situated your legs against his hip as he rocked into you at a slow pace until he was buried completely inside you. You could feel his steady breaths against your neck and shoulder, pulling and pushing his cock against your walls that you found yourself rocking your hips again in an attempt to get him to move faster.

Eventually he was moving in a way that was pulling more moans and gasps from you, little jolts of pleasure spurring you into thrusting up against him at a quicker pace.

You were very close to just losing yourself into the sensations Dmitri was pulling out of you with each thrust, but reality still liked to leak in around the edges from time to time. It dawned on you that this was truly happening. You were having sex with the man that you had tried, time and again, to let go of since you were convinced it wasn’t going to happen. You had fantasized about him from time to time, a thought to touch yourself to during late nights in hopes an orgasm would help get you to sleep. If loneliness and a longing didn’t have you just wanting to be close to him.

He liked you, too. That was something you didn’t have time to turn over in your head, but tonight made that apparent.

Yet, those were thoughts you were struggling to hold onto as Dmitri hooked an arm under the knee of one of your legs. He thrusted into you harder, and at a somewhat better angle, which had you shifting your free leg up so he was hitting that much deeper. His moans were louder, more intense and you knew he was probably approaching that peak you were close to. You reached down between your bodies to find your clit, circling it with a finger a few times as Dmitri thrusted into you.

“You’re close?” Dmitri asked once he noticed what you were doing, which you just nodded your head at. “Let me.”

He gently brushed his hand under yours, prompting you to move it as he started to rub similar circles on your clit. You let out a low sound as you could feel a pressure building, his touch not quite as precise but with his cock thrusting into you it was definitely enough.

You wanted to say something, yet your words were failing you and it wasn’t long until you felt that pressure move further down and you tightened around him. Your orgasm washed over you, making you arch your back with a strangled cry. You dug your fingers into the flesh of Dmitri’s shoulder, feeling him slow as you clenched around him. He moaned into your ear as he dropped his head onto your shoulder again. He thrusted a few more times before he pulled out, spilling his cum onto your stomach and thigh with a loud groan.

You could still feel your orgasm washing over you, leaving you limp against the bed as you waited for it to subside. Dmitri stepped outside into the hall for a few moments once you started to come back down, returning with what looked to be a damp washcloth from the bathroom.

“I didn’t think I would make that much of a mess,” he commented, washing his cum from your stomach and leg with the cloth. “I’m sorry.”

“You could have broken a lamp and I don’t think I would’ve noticed for a minute there,” you admitted with a chuckle, “Don’t worry about it.”

“It was good, then?” he asked, turning to toss the cloth into a hamper you had near the bed.

“Yes,” you replied with a small grin as he settled onto the bed beside you. “Was it for you?”

Dmitri nodded, hovering over you to press a lingering kiss to your lips. You pressed back into it, cupping the side of his head until he pulled back to lay down beside you. With the rush of emotions and sensations ebbing out, you could feel your mind start to return to the current situation. Still, even with everything that sat on the edges, the grief and everything that came with it, you couldn’t deny the happiness that lingered in you at the moment. It would mix strangely with everything later, but you just let it be at the moment.

Still, you rolled over somewhat to face him a little more. Dmitri shifted closer to pull you into his chest, which you accepted easily as you leaned your head against his shoulder. You shut your eyes for a few moments, letting him trace his fingers along the skin of your arm and shoulder somewhat absentmindedly. However, you found yourself letting out a soft chuckle, shaking your head lightly in amusement.

“I can already see the look on Joyce’s face when she hears about this…”

“What do you mean?”

“A couple days ago, she…in a vague way, asked if there was anything between us and at the time I said no.”

“I got asked, too,” Dmitri said with a small, tired grin, “It will be an interesting topic during New Years.”