#after my visit to the ER i have not been the same since

[lexirosewrites]

In honor of nurse appreciation week…

Instead of ‘Eddie gets a toy stuck in him and Steve helps him get it out,’ what about alpha Eddie picks out the wrong size of ‘pocket omega,’ so his knot gets stuck and he goes to the ER?

Omega nurse Steve is both horrified and impressed.

He wants to just get out the sterile scissors and start working at cutting away the rubbery toy piece by piece, but he can’t help the lecture that starts to slip out too.

Who can blame him? He is a nurse after all.

“You have to be more careful next time. You can really constrict the blood flow with these things if you’re not careful!”

Eddie’s face somehow gets even more flushed and he mumbles something, not making eye contact when he does.

“Sorry?” Steve asks, ready to admonish him for whatever excuse he has for buying the wrong size. “What was that?”

Some alphas just think ‘smaller is better’ and Steve knows that’s bullshit.

To believe otherwise is just antiquated and juvenile alpha-brained thinking.

Eddie clears his throat, finally looking at Steve directly when he explains sheepishly, “I got the biggest size I could find. It’s just… my knot is kinda huge.”

Steve whimpers a little at that, clamping his legs together tightly at the thought of such a large knot filling him.

“O-oh.”

He’s glad he wasn’t holding the scissors.

“Yeah, it’s kind of an awful problem to have,” the alpha admits as Steve tries to get a hold of himself and do his job like a professional.

His mouth might be watering now.

“No! I mean- uh, I’m sure there are plenty of omegas who would be willing to- that- that is to say- um…”

He can’t think of anything but big knots and being filled with them.

Eddie chuckles, scratching at the back of his neck.

“You don’t have to lie to make me feel better about it, sweetheart. This isn’t the first time I’ve been here for the same stupid problem. This company just advertised carrying a size big enough to accommodate any knot and I believed them.”

Steve is going to cum in his fucking scrub pants like some slutty omega who can’t control themselves.

If Eddie’s telling the truth (and Steve’s inclined to believe him, especially since the proof is almost in front of him), then Steve’s never going to stop thinking about it.

He makes the last few cuts, finally able to pull the mangled toy off his patient’s swollen cock and behold the goddamn ‘Mona Lisa’ of alpha knots resting in his unworthy hands.

Jesus Christ.

It’s one thing for Eddie to say he’s been blessed in this particular area and it’s another for Steve to see it with his own eyes.

(and hold it)

“Oh good, it deflated a bit,” Eddie states with relief.

Huh.

“It… went down? This isn’t your full knot?” Steve wheezes out.

The alpha’s timid smile turns into something closer to a smirk, almost like he’s proud now.

“I mean, you can find out if you keep stroking it like that.”

Steve looks down, horrified to find that he was indeed running his hands along Eddie’s cock like some sort of trophy in need of polishing.

“I am so sorry! I don’t know what’s come over me. This is beyond inappropriate. I’m sure you’re ready to go home and forget all of this!”

Eddie clicks his tongue thoughtfully, keeping Steve practically on the edge of his seat in anticipation.

“While I could do without the ER bill, I think I can justify the visit if I leave with an actual omega. Maybe even one who’s a bit of a size queen?” he suggests coyly.

Steve gapes at the sheer boldness.

“How- uh, why would you assume that?” he flusters, the room feeling much smaller suddenly.

Eddie raises an eyebrow.

Steve raises one back.

The alpha doesn’t break eye contact, reaching down to wrap his hand around Steve’s, giving it a light squeeze.

“Might have something to do with the fact that you still haven’t let go of my knot, baby,” Eddie purrs, leaning in closer so his warm breath tickles Steve’s face. “Or maybe it’s that fucking puddle underneath you that’s getting worse by the minute. You’re dripping for my knot.”

He is.

Steve can hardly breathe, every inhale giving him a mouthful of heady alpha hormones.

Despite the scent neutralizers pumped out into the hospital air and the patch stuck on Steve’s own scent gland, he’s fucking enraptured by the smell.

His hand twitches, tightening.

Steve can’t help but blurt out, “My pussy can take it. I fuck myself open on the biggest fake alpha cocks I can find every night, but they’re never enough. They’ve- they’ve never been—”

He swallows, trying not to choke on his own drool building up in his mouth from ust.

Eddie presses his lips right up against Steve’s ear, letting them brush his skin when he whispers, “Yeah, sweetheart? They’ve never been… what?”

The alpha’s other hand drifts between Steve’s legs, pushing down the front of his pants and finding his arousal evident there.

Steve whines pathetically at the feeling of Eddie’s searching fingers running through the slick on his flushed skin.

“They’ve never been as big as you are, alpha,” he confesses, breaking every last ounce of willpower and giving in to his needs completely.

“What do you want, omega?” Eddie asks, trailing kisses behind his ear and down his neck. “What do you need from me?”

“I- I need…” Steve keens loudly as a wet kiss is pressed directly to his mating gland. “Your knot splitting me open like I’m just a toy.”

Eddie smiles.

“You are my toy.”

[teddypickrwritings]

The Beautiful Moonlight - Night Watch x Reader

A/N: Mainly inspired by Ithaqua’s 6th anniversary quote! I referenced some of his other quotes too. This can be platonic or romantic!

Oletus Manor was no stranger to big and lavish events. This party was no exception—everyone who had visited or stayed at the manor in the past had been invited to celebrate its 6th anniversary of hosting daring survival games.

The impostor syndrome was kicking in for you. You had only been a guest at the manor for about a month and participated in a fairly small amount of games. There were so many people you still had yet to make acquaintances with.

Simply put, you felt like you shouldn’t be here.

A whirlwind of chatter was enveloping your mind. Combined with the symphony of clattering and clanking dishes, it was all getting to be too much for you to handle. You slipped out of the dining hall without anybody noticing or caring to stop you.

A sigh of relief escaped your lips. A sandbag had been lifted off your chest. Maybe you should go outside and-

“(Y/N)?”

A soft voice made you jump. You turned to come face-to-face with the Night Watch, or Ithaqua as you had heard some people call him. It was slightly comforting to see a familiar face—er, mask—but maybe ‘comforting’ was pushing it. You had had only one match against him and his eerily playful giggles had unnerved you greatly.

“That is your name, right?” Ithaqua asked.

“That’s right,” you said slowly as your heartbeat settled back to normal.

He looked at the set of doors that you came out of. Everyone’s voices were still loud enough to be heard, but were thankfully muffled. “Why aren’t you in there?”

“I could ask you the same,” you said with a polite smile.

Ithaqua tilted his head, and you hoped that you hadn’t made a mistake with your little quip. “I don’t like socializing very much,” he said plainly.

You nodded, relieved. “It can be overwhelming at times. That’s why I stepped out,” you explained.

“I think it’s also such a waste to hold a party in here,” Ithaqua said with a sigh. “The moon is so beautiful tonight. We should all be basking in its light.”

A smile tugged at your lips. “I’m guessing you prefer nighttime?”

Ithaqua let out one of those soft chuckles of his. But in this setting, it didn’t creep you out nearly as much. “Would you like to come along with me to see it?”

His request caught you off-guard. But this was a chance for you to become acquainted with him; after all, you should “keep your enemies close” as the saying goes. So you nodded after a bit of hesitation and followed him out to the gardens.

It didn’t occur to you once you both stepped in the darkness that he could kill you. A sense of dread overtook you as you realized this was the perfect time for him to strike. Everyone was inside.

Nobody would hear you.

But Ithaqua made no indication that he was going to strike. His stilts did not impede his smooth gait in the slightest despite the terrain changing from hard floor to soft grass. He crossed over to a smooth marble bench and sat down, staring at you expectantly.

You swallowed your fear and joined him in looking up at the night sky. Ithaqua was right—the moon was beautiful. A shining pearl in a sea of stars. No clouds in sight to ruin the breathtaking view.

A strange instinct overtook you, and you stretched your arm upwards. Your hand barely fit inside the moon.

Ithaqua’s soft giggles reminded you that you had company. You quickly lowered your arm as heat spread across your face.

“I am glad that you appreciate the moon like I do,” Ithaqua laughed. But there was no malice in his voice. “It was one of the few bright things in my forest…”

You smiled. “Thank you for asking me to join you. I was, um…looking forward to meeting you since our match together.”

Ithaqua stared at you intensely again. “What exactly were you looking forward to meeting…?”

Your embarrassment became greater. “I’m…not sure. But I want to have a friend,” you confessed. “I barely know anyone…”

The masked man hummed as he considered your words. “Ah, I see…I understand how you feel.”

His answer surprised you. “Really?”

Ithaqua looked back up at the moon. “I said earlier that I didn’t like socializing. But you…I remember you very well from our match. And that is why I sought you out.”

It had been strange for him to approach you, but you were glad to hear his reasoning. You took a deep breath and turned your body slightly so you were facing him more directly. “If that’s the case, then how about we be friends?” you asked boldly.

The ears of Ithaqua’s hood swayed a bit with how fast he turned his gaze back onto you. Your fight-or-flight instincts kicked in; in that moment, you were the piece of prey that the hunter was pondering whether to pounce on or not.

“How about I make it so you can never say you want to meet anyone ever again?” he asked with a menacingly playful lilt.

He’s definitely going to kill me now, you thought as a clawed hand emerged from his cloak. You couldn’t help but scoot away from him out of fear.

But instead of striking, his hand raised to his mask and pulled it off. It surprised you how…normal he looked. Granted, his eyes were pitch-black with almost ghostly-looking blue irises. But aside from that, he looked like a normal young man with messy pale hair falling into his face.

His small grin widened a bit when you said nothing. “Did you think I was going to kill you just now?”

“Yes,” you admitted sheepishly. What else were you supposed to think?

Ithaqua laughed. “Just because I am a hunter? I would not do something like that unless you gave me a reason to, (Y/N)” he said. His smile became a bit eerie as ne leaned closer to you. “Something like…telling everyone you saw my face…?”

Your eyes widened. “I would never!”

“Good, good…friends have secrets, yes? So this will be ours,” he mused. He straightened back up and returned his gaze to the moon yet again, closing his eyes as the moonlight made his alabaster skin almost luminescent.

Ithaqua was definitely a force to be reckoned with. And it would probably be some time before your heart would stop racing with fear around him.

But in that moment, as you watched his face become peaceful and his smile become content, you knew that you could trust him.

[topguncortez]

Are You With Me | | Chapter 3

previous part | masterlist | next part

synopsis: Jake and Y/N fight over the hospital bill and whether its a good idea to keep the kids on Jake's insurance or night. Jake still has issues with Miles. Ella makes a decision in the course of her treatment.

word count: 2.1k

warnings: medical inaccuracies, divorce, fighting, cursing, childhood cancer, mentions of childhood death

Jake had made a joke once that Eli was the cheapest baby they had. Said joke had earned him a glare that was fierce enough to send a shiver down his spine. Y/N had mastered the “mom eye” after having two kids.

But, even though Jake’s joke was done in poor timing, he was right. Having a baby, although not planned one bit, at home had saved them quite a bit of money. Jake had always found it comical that he was the best of the best. The 1% of the 1% and had some of the worst health care coverage in the whole United States.

“I feel like I need to take a loan out to pay these,” Jake rubbed his forehead, slipping his glasses off his face.

It was one of the rare moments that Jake and Y/N were both at the house. Y/N spent the day with Ella while Jake was at work and Alex was at school. Between Penny and Y/N’s mother Clara, they watched Eli for a couple of hours. Jake would then come to the hospital at night, staying with Ella while Y/N went home and made dinner and got the boys to bed. The Daggers had created a weekend schedule, each of them taking a saturday or sunday to stay with Ella so Jake and Y/N could both go home and recharge.

Though being at home was more stressful than watching their four year old getting pumped with toxins.

“Is that the bill?” Y/N asked as she walked into the kitchen after putting the boys down. She filled the tea kettle and set it on the burner, before pouring Jake a drink and taking it to him

“The first one, yeah,” Jake wiped a hand down his face, “Thanks,” He mumbled taking the rocks glass from her, “The ER visit cost thirty-three hundred dollars and insurance is only covering three hundred of it. The estimated total cost of care is around sixty-one thousand dollars.”

“Well,” Y/N swallowed, “I can always put Ella on my insurance. I get good-”

“No,” Jake sneered, “We agreed when we… we agreed when we divorced I would put the kids on my insurance plan because it’s cheaper.”

“Yes, but if this means compromising Ella’s care-“

“It’s not compromising anything!” Jake snapped causing Y/N to jump a bit in her seat. He scrubbed a hand down his face, “You got the kids and the house and everything else in the divorce. Let me help do this.”

Y/N nodded her head, “Fine,” She sighed, “We still have the rainy day fund.”

“Still not even going to make a dent in the payments,” Jake leaned back in his chair, “I’m tired of talking about this. How was Ella today?”

“Same as always,” Y/N shrugged, “Was fine in the morning before chemo, napped all afternoon and then threw up everything she ate. Her hair is becoming more of an issue for her… it’s becoming more noticeable.”

Ella’s hair had started to fall out as the weeks of chemo continued on. Jake and Y/N didn’t have the heart to shave it or cut it before Ella started therapy, wanting her to have the ability to make that decision for herself. But as the treatments went on, Ella’s confidence began to fade with each clump of hair that fell.

“Maybe we should just shave it,” Jake suggested as the tea kettle rang.

Y/N poured herself a mug, “No. She’s already losing so much autonomy over her own body. She should be the one who decides on her hair.”

“I hate to see her like that.”

“We all do,” Y/N took a sip of her tea, “But she was happy that Rooster and Dragon got to stay with her. Dragon mentioned something about watching Dateline.”

Jake chuckled, “Going to teach our four year old how to commit murder and get away with it.”

“She’s been stealing cookies and getting things she wants outta you since she was born.”

Jake couldn’t help it, he was a sucker for those big green eyes.

Silence fell over the two of them. It was moments like these where things almost felt normal between Jake and Y/N. Like the past two years had been a fever dream. That they had never spent a day apart. But then reality settled back in, and the awkwardness filled the air.

“I’m going to bed,” Y/N said, clearing her throat, “I put clean towels back in the guest room.”

“Thank you,” Jake nodded his head, “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Night, Jake.”

— — —

When Ella was born, she had a full head of dark curly hair. Y/N knew that she was going to have hair from all the heartburn she had experienced through the whole nine months. In fact, that was the first thing the doctor had called out in the middle of delivering the Seresin girl.

“oh gosh! she’s got a full head of hair!”

Y/N had always dreamed of having a little girl with gorgeous long hair, and she had been lucky to get just that. She couldn’t wait until Ella was old enough to sit up and her hair long enough that she could braid it and style it. Ella always had perfectly done hair when Y/N dropped her off for daycare. Ella liked to show off her matching bows or the intricate braid that her mother did to her classmates and teacher.

Miles had told them one of the most common side effects of chemotherapy was the loss of hair. Y/N thought maybe, just maybe, Ella wouldn’t lose her hair. They had gotten through the first week of treatment without any hair loss. But then week two rolled around, and it was the worst week of Ella Seresin’s life.

“Mommy! My hair!” Ella cried as she stood fresh out of the shower, with a clump of hair in her hands. Y/N did all she could to try and soothe her child as she pulled on the ends of her hair, more stands coming out.

“I know, baby,” Y/N fought back tears, “I know. It’ll be okay.”

For weeks, Y/N and Jake watched as Ella’s hair grew thinner and thinner. They switched from using a brush to using a wide tooth comb, hoping to save some of the frail strands of hair on her head. Ella knew that most kids on the floor didn’t have hair or wore fake hair. She knew that eventually, she would look like them.

“Do you want strawberry or cherry jello for lunch?” Y/N asked as she looked over the hospitals menu choices for today. Y/N wasn’t sure if it was because of stress but the hospital food wasn’t actually that bad. Plus, Val had kept Ella’s room stacked with snacks.

“Mommy,” Ella said.

“Yes, baby?” Y/N asked, putting the menu down and looking at her daughter, “What’s up, buttercup?”

“I want to cut my hair.”

“What?” Y/N was taken aback by her daughter’s words. Ella was wise beyond her years but this shocked Y/N to hear.

“I want to cut my hair. It keeps falling,” Ella said, touching her thinning hair.

Y/N nodded her head, “Of course, baby. We’ll do it tonight, when dad gets here. That sounds okay?” Ella nodded her head, a bright smile on her face, “Now, how about that jello.”

A couple of hours later, Jake was walking down the familiar bright colored walls of the children’s cancer ward. He always found it ironic that such a dark place was painted so brightly. Ella had only been there two months and already she had new neighbors on either side of her room. The cries of the parents haunted Jake at night and the images of little bodies being moved with sheets over their heads was enough to bring Jake to a panic. However, every time Jake walked closer to Ella’s door he was met with the beautiful sound of laughter. 

A smile graced Jake’s lips as he heard Ella’s laugh and that familiar snort that always made her laugh harder. But the moment he opened the door, his smile dropped. 

“Doctor Miles.” 

“Daddy!” Ella cheered and sat up in her bed, reaching out for her father. 

Jake walked over to her, greeting her with a hug and kissing her forehead, “How are you, bug?” 

“I’m good,” Ella nodded her head, laying back in her bed, “Doctor Miles is playing Bluey with me.” 

“I see that,” Jake looked over at Miles who was standing in the corner of the room now, “Where is Mommy?” 

“Sent her for a snack,” Miles answered, “She’s looking like the walking dead.” 

“Can we refrain from making death jokes?” Miles held back from rolling his eyes, “I’m here now, so you can go.” 

“I said I would wait here with Ella until-” 

“I’m her father and I say-” 

“You say nothing,” Y/N said, appearing in the doorway, “Thank you, Miles.” 

Miles nodded his head, “No problem, Y/N. I’ll see you tomorrow, Ella, good job today.” He held his hand out for the little girl to give him a high five. 

Y/N waited a moment until Miles was out of the room before looking at Jake, “Really?” 

Jake just shrugged, “I had it under control.” 

“I’m sure,” Y/N sighed, walking over to Ella’s bed. The little girl curled up next to her mother almost instantly, “Do you want to tell your daddy what you want to do today?” Ella nodded her head and then looked at Jake. 

“I want to cut my hair.” 

Jake’s eyes widened as he looked from Ella to Y/N, “You do?” Ella nodded her head again. 

“The nurses brought some clippers and stuff earlier. I-I’ve never cut anyone’s hair so I-”

“I got it,” Jake answered, “I was cuttin’ boys’ hair in the bay at boot camp.” 

 “Okay,” Y/N said, feeling the familiar burn of tears in her eyes, “You ready, Elles?” 

“Yes!” Ella said, a bright smile on her face. 

Both Y/N and Jake walked with Ella to the bathroom where a nurse had brung in clippers, scissors, a razor, shaving cream and a step stool. Ella stepped up on the stool, looking at herself in the mirror that was covered with pink and purple flowers. Y/N leaned against the doorway, watching as Jake got everything set up, occasionally making funny faces in the mirror to make Ella laugh. 

“Gonna start now, are you sure this is what you want?” Jake asked his daughter. Ella nodded her head, “Okay. Here we go.” Both Y/N and Jake took a deep breath as he grabbed a lock of Ella’s hair and lifted the scissors. The sound of the shears closing together made the loudest sound Y/N had ever heard as a lock of brown went tumbling down to the ground. 

“You cut it!” Ella gasped. Jake’s heart pounded in his chest, then it relaxed as her giggles filled the room, “Do it again!” 

Jake looked at his wife through the mirror, seeing her red eyes but the smallest smile on her face, “Let’s keep going.” 

After every snip of the scissors, Ella giggled which made the whole situation somewhat better. Eventually Jake got to the point where he had to use the clippers. He gently moved them over her head, watching as the final pieces of hair fell from her head. 

“What do you think?” Jake asked, as he set the razor down in the sink. It was quiet for a moment as Ella looked herself over in the mirror. 

“My head is cold,” She said. 

Y/N chuckled as she stepped into the bathroom, walking up behind her daughter, “We’ll get you a hat or two or-” 

“Three!” Ella held up three fingers. Ella turned to face her mom, “Momma, don’t cry.” 

“I’m sorry, baby,” Y/N said, as Ella wiped a finger away from her cheek, “How about we take a shower and then watch a disney movie?” 

“Princess and The Frog! Daddy! Will you stay?” 

Y/N looked at Jake, who was cleaning up the hair around the bathroom, “Yeah. Of course. Let me finish cleaning this up, and I'll sneak down to the nurses lounge to make popcorn.” 

“Thank you,” Y/N said, sincerity in her voice, “Let’s get cleaned up, Elles.” 

A strange feeling settled over Jake’s chest as he watched his wife and daughter. A strange feeling that maybe, just maybe. . . things will be alright.

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[ioniansunsets]

Hi! Recently found you, and i LOVE your writing and ideas! Their very tasty, like high-quality chocolate &/or caramel!

I offer (potentially angsty) scenario(you don't have to do) with heartsteel kayn & Idol or k/da!Reader?

What if a stage malfunction happened during readers' (or kayns) show?? (Or a sabotage from a fan? Perhaps?)

(Bonus: & What if... reader or kayn got hurt?) Thank you if you choose to do this ask🩷 (Sorry ahhh-- this is my first time sending an ask)

✖ Heartsteel!Kayn x KDA!Reader Where Reader Gets Injured✖

✖ Word Count: 1.4k

✖ Tags: Established R/S, Mild Injury, Ends with Comfort, IDK if I'd even tag this as Angsty (maybe a tinge)

✖ A/N: I think its cute how Ahri, Akali, Evelyn and Kai’sa all technically can dash towards you with their actual in game skills LMFAO so cute...these girls would do anything to protect you. I think it’s very cute when a lover goes batshit insane with worry for you. Have mercy too, I’ve never been hospitalized, only visited people LMAO

Also thank you for asking this! I am so happy that you love my thoughts and words ><

✖ Wrote This Listening To: Drugs and Candy

----

There were always toxic fans. You knew that, and Kayn of course knew his fanbase were sometimes as batshit insane as him. But the past few weeks were great! Social media was abuzz with positive comments about you two, fans congratulated you at fanmeets praising how cute you looked with Kayn.

Everything pointed towards how the fanbase took the official announcement of you two dating well but of course, you know delusional, parasocial fans existed too.

What you don’t know, was how they got past security.

You don’t know how they sneaked past all the checks and stage tests.

Maybe it was on you, maybe you were training too hard and were too tired to notice.

Maybe the high of performing live on stage and all the bits and bops of things to do left it so you didn’t notice the creak of the bright lights above you. The lights in the same pink purple hues of Kayn’s hair. The last thing you remember was the crackle of lights, the screams of your fans, and all your band mates in a blur dashing towards you.

-

It was arguably just as bad for Kayn.

Sure he wasn’t there, he wasn’t injured, he wasn’t the target of the attack nor was he the one in the hospital but there was nothing worse than hearing that you were still out cold, uncertain of how hurt you actually were.

There was nothing worse really, seeing the clips circulating online of what happened being reposted by all sorts of accounts. The blood that flowed from you onto the stage, oh god he didn’t even know humans could bleed this much.

There was nothing worse than knowing that he was stuck on tour and couldn’t be by your side.

There was nothing worse than not being able to call you and check on you because according to Akali you were STILL in the ER right now, you’re still unconscious and the doctors have no updates. How! It has been at least 4 hours since your opening act. Since the incident.

There was nothing worse, than fighting with his bandmates and managers, begging to go back to be by your side, and only after Alune stood up for him saying how “ The Heartbeats would understand why Kayn was missing. Let him go or he would just sneak off at night and do it anyway.” That management allowed them to postpone their weekend show so he could book a midnight flight to you.

There was nothing worse, than sitting alone in the private airport lounge, checking socials for updates and finding out HIS fan was the one that was caught on CCTV being the perpetrator, the one that did this to you, the love of his life. They even wore a jacket with Rhaast’s icon sewn onto the back, almost mocking him. Sure you were the one physically hurt, but the way his emotions were all over the place, the way his heart refused to calm down, the way he haven’t felt so much like throwing up since he left his old band. He hated this.

Hands tightening around his already cracked phone, the only reason he hasn’t angrily thrown it against the wall was because Akali messaged him telling Kayn how you were stable now, you lived fine, you were still sleeping but you were out of surgery at least. He swallows hard, quickly picking up his small luggage as he runs over to the gate to board his plane. Kayn breathes heavy, only thoughts about being by your side when you wake up keep him walking and keep the absolute rage and chaos Rhaast has at bay. The flight couldn’t be any longer to him.

-

He ran, the second the Taxi dropped him off at the hospital he phased through walls and booked it straight up to your room, leaving Akali to sigh as she signs him in. The way his hands shook as he slowly opened the door to your ward. Feeling like it was somehow rude to phase through this one way although one, you were still unconscious and two he already violated the privacy of half the hospital.

“ My little demon…This is all my fault.”

Kayn slowly walked to your side after he steps in, watching and noting how you had your eye patched up, how bandages trailed down your body, how pale your skin was. He was going to throw up again, seeing you this way. Ahri who was in the room watching over you let him know you could still see of course, and nothing plastic surgery can’t fix about the scars. You would be fine after a week or two of rest. The shards of glass from the strobe lights missed all the important bits, only scratching up your brow, cheek and collar. Ahri offers Kayn a small sad smile before leaving to give him time with you. The other girls in K/DA has some cuts and bruises saving your from the falling light but otherwise were fine.

It was another hour of your steady breathing and the beeping of machines around him. To Kayn, it felt like hours. Inconsolable hours where his thoughts went wild. Rhaast kept at bay from trashing the place solely from how weak and shaky your breathing was. So when the beeping finally started to pick up Kayn was standing up, hand holding yours, calling out to you frantic and concerned as you slowly blinked and opened your eyes.

“ Oh my god you’re finally awake baby.”

You watched your boyfriend cry, silent tears falling as he spoke over and over about how he should have curated his audience more, warned them to not pull shit like this to you. Anger about how could his “obsessive fans” not know that hurting you would hurt him just as much. Frustration about not being in the audience this time to save you. Sorrow about seeing how much pain you were in right now because of him. Anger once again from Rhaast this time about how incompetent your security was for letting a mistake like this go unnoticed and finally…overwhelming relief that you were ultimately ok. It was new, seeing him so scared, so worried, no doubt all of these emotions were because of just how much Kayn loved you but still, you felt bad making him worry so much. Finally he updates you, telling you about what happened, how you would be ok, he would make sure of it.

“ I…I’m sorry you had to go through this because of me. If you want to leave me because of my fans I will totally understand.”

You watched his voice crack as his hand grasps yours tighter. Your lover’s brows furrowed as he thinks hard. Biting his lip so hard you could almost see it bleed.

“ No Kayn! I would never! It’s not your fault. None of it was your fault, my own crazy fans could have done this to me too y’know. Plus if I breakup with you, they totally won.”

You reply, throat a little dry from not speaking so long but you had to tell him. No way you’re letting some insane fan ruin your performance, your day and your relationship. You watch him finally smile a little as you speak, the corners of his lips barely curving, tears stopping at your frantic attempts to make sure he knows just how much you love him back. No way in hell or heaven would you give up what you have with him because of some lunatic. Especially after seeing just how much he loved you, flying here for you? Putting his work behind for You? How could you let this man go.

“ Hey, at least we can get matching eyepatches now?”

At your comment, he lets out an exasperated laugh.

" I’m sorry, I should be the one making you feel better not the other way around. Here.”

You watch as Kayn slips a finger under his eyepatch, pulling it off carefully before bending down to give your bandaged side a small kiss. Hands uncharacteristically gentle as they worked their way around your hair and all the gauze to put his eyepatch on you. Giving you another quick kiss on your lips before pulling away.

" Looking good darling."

" Only because you style me so well!"

Yeah, it will be ok, the two of you were motivated, hardworking idols, a setback like this meant nothing. As he smiles again at you, the signature cheeky, prideful smile you’ve come to love from him. Your heart flutters. Yeah, something like this won’t stop you from loving him.

[scrubbinn]

Slime HRT: 13 Months “Such a fickle thing”

“Recording now, starting dialog in 3, 2… Alright! Another month, another recording for the good doctor to listen to. You better be listening to this Theodore. Ugh, your name sucks, bad mouthfeel. I'm just gonna stick with doc. So then, where to start. It's a bit hard to focus on any one topic. A lot can happen in 30 days. Not to mention this isn't my first recording this month. I’ve been having trouble creating memories lately, so it’s nice to have a way to note things down. It's certainly been an interesting time to say the least.

Ok, I'll be honest, things have been rather difficult lately. I've been experiencing severe sharp pains in my whole body nearly everyday. Moving around without assistance is impossible some days. The theory goes that it stems from internal organs changing into slime, but most of my organs should already be made out of goo. At least according to Mayday's journals. But the pain is still there, and I can't understand why it won't disappear… At least I'm getting used to it. I'd rather not have the staff here constantly worried about me. Val, the head witch, offered some potions to help alleviate the pain. I sort of declined out of habit, but then I collapsed in the hallway. She insisted after that. They ended up helping a little bit with clearing my head. Wait, should I be starting at the beginning of the month? The pains really only started a week ago. How do you want me to present these? My memory is worse than I thought.”

“Ok just to be safe, let's go back to the start of the month, when you got back to me on that chunk of skin I sent in, and we found out it's made of fat, lye, and a few other particulates. Lye is the biggest component I'm made of, which makes sense. It's what a lot of soaps are made of, and it's what allows this body to jellify any meat I consume and break it down. It's kinda gross but it's a little cool at the same time. The other bits found though, well, I know you said it was nothing to worry about, but something about finding traces of dentin and enamel, something about it doesn't sit right. You mentioned it's just my dissolved teeth, still stuck inside, but they turned to rubber around 10 months ago, and eventually turned to goo. Shouldn't that mean a different material would be floating around if the hard tissues had already transformed? But the alternative ideas are, distressing, to say the least. And to say the most, if I start growing teeth from my skin, I will see how many lawsuits it takes to bankrupt you doc.”

“Moving back to the discussion of skin. My face and neck are now fully covered, besides the lips and eyeballs. Thanks to the numbing potions, it only tickles a bit. You don't want to know what it feels like when they wear off. I’m probably not going to be awake for most of the next month due to my face dissolving in on itself. I've heard horror stories from other slimes about getting your eyes and organs dissolved. Can’t say I’m looking forward to that. I’ll just have to ask the staff to be ready when they end up hearing screaming coming from my room. Though, come to think of it, my organs are already made out of goo right? It feels like they’re still holding their shape and even normal functions. Maybe it just, won’t, hurt when they’re integrated and dissolved? I'm already dealing with a lot of pain now, what happens when it really starts getting bad. Abigail was right about how dangerous this medication could be…"

“No, can't go thinking about that stuff now. Let's just try talking about something else. Oh! We can talk about eating! Ever since we found out what I’m made of, I’ve had a bit of a change in diet. Lots of fatty meats. Turns out I no longer digest plants anymore. I’m a pure carnivore. Abigail and I are planning a trip outside of Hyper city to visit this great little sushi place we used to go to. I hope they don’t mind if I just order a few whole fish. Er, yeah, I can’t deny I'm eating a lot of food. You’d imagine with no greens, grocery bills wouldn’t hurt the wallet so much. Well turns out meat is expensive, and when you buy a lot of it… Well I’m just glad T.H.E.M.S gives me a place to sleep."

Besides a diet change, I’ve been conducting my own experiments. It’s nothing too dangerous, I’ve just been ingesting different types of poison. Wait, no, hold on, before you speed dial my number! Ok, so I’m not doing something crazy like eating nightshade or anything, just the stuff I can find growing around here like ivy and those berries birds eat. But Lye is a type of poison. I think. So it makes sense that similar chemicals could be incorporated. After all, I don’t seem to have any acid inside me, it’s just poisons and venoms that break down cells, so I should be able to make different kinds. Figuring out how is still a process of trial and error, but don’t worry. I am being careful about it. So please, don’t get mad at me… Besides, imagine if I did learn how to control that sort of thing, I could create a bunch of different chemical compounds! I could be a walking chemistry lab!… Actually that sounds like it’d involve even more city paperwork. Let’s just keep that idea to ourselves, ok doc? And before you say anything! No, the poison is not causing my spikes of pain! That’s not how they work!”

“What else, what else to talk about… Have I talked about the memory troubles yet? It's been a bit of a disaster when it comes to scheduling anything. I need at least five reminders on my phone for any kind of appointment, and even then, you know I've missed a few checkups. I think my brain is getting replaced with slime instincts. I've been enveloping a lot of things without noticing. Arms and legs have been absorbing things without so much as a thought going into them. I spent a solid three hours searching for my phone only to feel it vibrate inside later and most of that time was spent trying to remember what I was searching for. I don't even know how it got there, I left it on my bedside table. I've heard a lot about what other therians have referred to this sort of mental change as a crossroads. Is that approaching? Did Mayday already agree to go through with it, and that's why I'm here? I feel like I'm losing my mind. End recording.”

“Ok, new tape… I think. Recording supplemental now. I have a theory about all the odd changes that have been going on. I looked back on Mayday's first journal. She somehow never made much thought about the doc mentioning the addition of chromatophores, a type of cell found in color changing animals. Though it seems they still haven't formed since I can't change colors at all. Combine that with my limbs moving on their own… There's a good chance that quack doctor combined some type of animal into the slime medication. Like an octopus, or a cuttlefish. It doesn't explain the bits of teeth floating around inside me, but the more I talk about it outloud, the more I realize I need to confront him about what exactly I'm taking. This doesn't feel like it's just a slime HRT, not anymore at least. I just have to remember to confront him. Memories are getting worse, concentration is completely shot from the pains. I just have to remember. I just need to remember… I just need to… I… I'm… hungry………………………

“hm? A recorder? Oh right! I was recording for the doc today, I'll send him this later. I feel so famished right now, when I get too hungry I start forgetting things and all that. Well… bye!”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Mention list: @a-shramp, @calliecwrites, @be702, @respectfulevil, @hyacinthdoll1315

[estrellami-1]

Writer prompt: i want this in everyone I like's writing so Steve having a panic attack/migraine (both at the same time are also fine) and he goes to where he knows he is safe Wayne Munson (Wayne found him the 1st time it happened & took care of him). So now when he feels it happening he goes to Wayne, who comforts him & takes care of him

Okay I was literally JUST talking to @i-less-than-three-you about this fic by @xiaq about how the world needs more Wayne and Steve interactions and then I remembered this ask exists and I got SO excited 😂

Anyways. I’m sorry it’s here so late but hopefully it suffices! ❤️

The first time Steve meets Wayne, really meets him, in any way that matters, he’s halfway into a panic attack.

Eddie isn’t answering his walkie. This in itself isn’t immediate cause for concern; he’s usually one of three places, so Steve takes it one step at a time, rationally.

He calls Gareth, because maybe the band had a practice today that he’d forgotten about.

Gareth says no, he hasn’t seen him since Sunday at Steve’s for Hellfire.

Okay. Take a deep breath. Let it out slowly. Feel the pressure release. Call the garage.

“Nah, boy, Munson ain’t been ‘ere for ‘bout two days,” the man drawls.

Steve takes a breath, politely thanks the man. Hangs up.

Considers his options. He could call Eddie’s trailer, but he knows himself, knows the anxiety coiling in his stomach, gripping at his lungs, and he knows talking to him won’t be enough; he needs to be able to see him, to touch him, to hear his heartbeat.

He drives to the Munson trailer. Wayne opens the door. “Steve,” he nods.

“Hi,” Steve says. “Um. Sorry. Is- is Eddie here?”

Wayne frowns. “Eddie? He hasn’t been here for three days.”

Air evades him. Gravity doubles, and he stumbles, reaching out to the doorframe for support. “Th-three days?”

“That’s right,” Wayne confirms, and Steve’s head fills with static, with wrong wrong wrong, with the need to find Eddie, to talk to him, to make sure he’s okay, because they think the Upside Down is gone, there aren’t any more gates that they know about, but never say never and Eddie’s been missing for three days-

“Steve,” Wayne says firmly. Steve distantly recognizes they’re both kneeling: Steve just outside the door, Wayne just inside it. “Take a breath, kid.”

Steve tries, but he can’t, it stutters and gets stuck halfway in and he has to fight to get it out again, finally does in one big explosive sob, and Wayne slowly extends his open hands, places them on Steve’s shoulders when he doesn’t flinch away. “Steve,” Wayne says again, still just as even, but how can he be calm when Eddie’s missing, except he doesn’t know about the Upside Down, does he, so he wouldn’t know to- “Take another breath,” Wayne continues. “In and out, nice and slow.”

His hands are rubbing on Steve’s shoulders, two points of white-hot contact where the rest of him is numb, and Steve follows his hands, breathes in when his hands stroke up, breathes out when his hands go back down. In, out. Up, down. “Good,” Wayne says after a few moments. “Can you hear me?”

Steve manages a shaky nod, still trying to time his breathing.

“M’kay then. First things first, Eddie’s okay, he left Monday to visit family in Kentucky. He’ll be back by Friday.”

Steve deflates, scrubbing his face as he sighs. “Sorry.”

“‘S alright,” Wayne murmurs. “Wanna tell me what that was about, son?”

Steve bites his lip. “Nothing. Just… Eddie didn’t answer his walkie. Then I called Gareth and the garage, and they hadn’t seen him-”

Wayne curses softly. “And I didn’t help with my answer,” he says grimly, then sighs and stands, offering Steve a hand up. “C’mon in,” he says. “I’ll get you somethin’ to drink, and we can call the idiot and yell at him.”

Steve huffs out a breath of a laugh, accepts Wayne’s hand. “Thank you,” he murmurs.

Wayne waves him off, directs him to the couch. “Tea first,” he says. “I swear by it after somethin’ like that.”

Steve nods. Tries to not panic again, grabs a blanket to fidget with. Stills when he hears Wayne’s voice as he putters around in the kitchen. “I swear, I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve told that boy to tell people where he’s goin’,” Wayne gripes. “But does he listen? No. God knows why. ‘M pretty sure it’s punishment for everythin’ I got up to as a kid that my parents had to deal with.” He sighs, eventually brings a mug over to Steve. Wraps both his hands around the warm ceramic. “Slow sips,” he says. “Take your time.”

Steve dutifully takes a sip. “Sorry again,” he murmurs, looking down at the blanket in his lap. “I’m sure you’ve got things to do.”

“Right now, my priority’s makin’ sure you’re okay,” Wayne answers.

Steve takes another sip, swallows the responses on his tongue. “How’d you know what to do?”

He smirks self-deprecatingly. “‘M a vet, Steve,” he answers. “I’ve seen shit. I’ve seen how people deal with the shit I’ve seen. I had to learn, real quick, how to calm them down. And how to calm myself down.”

“Oh,” Steve whispers. “Um. You said Eddie’s visiting family?”

“Yeah, his momma’s brother’s out there. Got a wife and three kids, Eddie adores ‘em. Spent near a whole summer out there once, I swear he got back and I barely recognized him. And the accent, Lord Almighty, he says mine’s thick.”

Steve chuckles. “You said he’ll be back Friday?”

Wayne hums. “Should be. Might be Saturday, if he finally gets his shit together too late in the day to make the trip.”

Steve giggles. “So probably Saturday.”

“So probably Saturday,” Wayne agrees, checking his watch. “Eds should be back at the house by now, wanna see if we can’t reach him?”

Steve shifts. “If- if you don’t mind.”

Wayne makes a face like he’s offended Steve would think that, then waves him over to the phone. He dials and waits. “Hey, Diane.” A pause. “Yeah, that’d be great, thanks.”

Soon enough Eddie’s on the line, and Steve can hear him even though his ear isn’t the one pressed to the receiver. “Wayne! Holy shit, they’re all so big, ‘s like I’ve missed ten years ‘stead’a ten months, did’ja know Elsie’s got braces-”

“Eds,” Wayne says, stopping Eddie’s rant in its tracks.

“Yeah?”

“You didn’t tell your friends.”

Silence, then, “Shit.”

“Uh-huh. And you didn’t answer your walkie.”

“Oh, shit, shit, who- I don’t think I brought it, what- was it a code red, who called-”

“Eddie.”

“Yeah?”

“Steve’s here.”

“Fuck,” Eddie murmurs. “‘S he pissed?”

“No, but I am.”

“Panicked?”

“Bingo.”

“Can I talk to him?”

“Maybe this’ll finally teach you your lesson,” Wayne says before handing the phone to Steve.

“Eds?”

“Stevie.”

Steve sighs, presses his forehead to the wall. “I was worried, asshole.”

“I’m so sorry,” Eddie says quietly. He sounds it. “I- d’you want me to come home? I can, I mean it’ll take me a couple’a hours, like six, but I can.”

“Eddie, you love your family.”

“Well, yeah, but if you want me there-”

Steve sighs, feels a small smile stretching across his face. “No. But you can tell me about your family.”

Eddie does. Wayne stays by his side the entire time, a comforting presence. When Steve hangs up, he smiles at him. “Wanna stay over Friday? Wait for him?”

Steve bites his lip. “I don’t want to intrude.”

Wayne sighs, gestures him back over to the couch. “You love him,” he says. “And he loves you enough to drive six hours back here just because you want to see him. You’re gonna be in each other’s lives for a long, long time. Might as well get comfortable now.”

Steve gapes at him. “He- he loves me?”

Wayne tilts his head to the side. “You didn’t know?”

“No- I mean, I know he flirts with me, but he’s also just like that-”

Wayne laughs. “He absolutely is not,” he informs Steve. “He’ll plan his entire day around seeing you at work.”

Steve blinks. “He only comes in for a little bit!”

“Yet it’s only when you’re there,” Wayne says, then sighs. “Maybe I shouldn’t’ve interfered. I figured you two woulda gotten around to it sooner or later. Just also figured I could help it along. You’re welcome here Friday. Or any day.” He stares at Steve. “I’ve never been rich. But I’ve been lonely. It don’t matter how much money you got. It can’t hide the fact that you’re still alone.”

Steve stares back, then slowly nods. “Okay,” he whispers, slowly stands from the couch. “I, uh. Guess I’ll see you Friday.”

Wayne tsks. “You got work?”

“No?”

“Then come sit down and watch baseball with me. Lord knows Eddie never will.”

Steve smiles at that, sits back down on the couch. “Who’re you rooting for?”

Wayne hums. “Cubs. Always do, if they’re playing. You?”

“The Mets.”

Wayne stares at him. “Boy, what the hell you sayin’?”

Steve shrugs, smiles. “I like rooting for the underdogs. And hey, they won last time!”

“Yeah, against the fuckin’ Pirates,” Wayne all but spits, causing Steve to collapse in laughter.

They watch the rest of the game. And if Steve falls asleep midway through the second inning, and if Wayne covers him with a blanket, well.

That’ll stay between them.

[quinnyundertow]

Picking up the Pieces

Chapter 2

What we Lost

Choso x Reader

Chapter 1

THERE WILL BE MANGA SPOILERS BELOW

Summary: The fight with Sukuna has finally ended. Before he’s wisked off the battlefield the boy named Yuji begs you to try and save what’s left of his older brother.

TW Extreme disabilities, hospital setting, amputation.

AN: Writing this fic so far has been incredibly cathartic. I’ve found writing to be incredibly difficult since my back surgery. At first I thought it was the heavy duty pain killers and meds fogging my mind. Maybe it was. Now I’m just depressed. In the blink of an eye I went from no disability to unable to drive and using a walker to get around. Even then the pain is extreme. Thankfully my body is not as wounded as Choso’s is in this. Choso will not regain his limbs or full function in this story. But that doesn’t mean he can’t have a happy ending. Choso will have disabilities moving forward but that doesn’t mean he’s something broken that needs to be fixed. He still has value despite his physical limitations. I’m trying to convince myself that I do too.

Chapter 2

What we lost

All he could feel was pain. He had never experienced a sensation like this before. Wave upon wave of raw agony rolled over him. There’s this screeching mechanical noise blaring near him. Muffled voices are discussing something but it’s like all the sounds are under water. He’s trying to focus his blood manipulation ability to assess the damage to himself but something is terribly wrong. It’s like trying to grasp threads of information in a typhoon. The capabilities he used to summon with barely a thought before are slipping through his fingers. He can’t tell the extent of the damage Sukuna left but he knows this is a very bad sign. The pain has him gritting his teeth and straining his exhausted muscles.

Is this how his brothers felt before they died? Kechizu and Eso? Hell, even Yuji when he had practically killed him in that bathroom in Shibuya. Yuji. Had he been able to save Yuji? He thinks he did, hopes with every fiber of his being he did. If he failed, he hopes to die sooner rather than later. He tries to open his eyes but they’re too heavy. A racking wet cough bubbles out of his mouth to form the words to ask the only thing that matters, “Yuji?”

Someone is responding but he can’t make out the words. A small soft hand takes his own. It’s not Yuji. It reassures some part of him all the same. It feels like a life preserver has been thrown into the roiling ocean around him. Sudden relief from pain.

Time passes in a state between waking and dreams. He can tell when Yuji visits. His hand is large and calloused on his own. Yuji’s distressed. He knows he’s the reason and he hates it. Blood pressure rising as he’s struggling to open his eyes. Hands are on his shoulders as he seizes violently. Those small delicate hands are on one side and Yuji’s on the other. That familiar flow of pain relief pulls him under.

~~

Yuji Itadori has been through so much at this point yet he’s still smiling. It’s an exhausted, stressed out smile but a smile all the same. You feel cripplingly guilty. You may have kept Choso alive but the state he’s in is barely human. Er, curse. An existence at all.

“I can’t thank you enough for watching over him.” Yuji’s voice is sincere as he bows his head. You hate that he’s thanking you. Yuji has been at the hospital on campus more than he’s been home. Everyone he loves, still alive, is here in some capacity after all. Megumi Fushiguro and Nobara Kugisaki have their own rooms but they tend to gravitate towards one another and stay in Megumi’s room. Much to Megumi’s pretend chagrin.

Your voice is heavy with exhaustion, “It’s the least I can do.” You haven’t left the hospital in the week since Sukuna was destroyed. Neither has Shoko nor Nitta. There are so many injured people. Every few hours someone codes. Heart stopping, lungs failing. You three manage to bring them back but it’s taking everything you have. You’ve never felt so helpless. You know Shoko and Nitta feel it too. When your eyes meet each other in the hall as you pass. Grim expressions rather than greetings.

Yuji scratches the back of his neck; a gesture you’ve come to learn means he’s not sure what else to do with them. “Please don’t diminish what you’re doing.” He pauses to look back in the room where Choso is sleeping fitfully. “He’s calmer when you're close.”

You give a tired chuckle, “I’m a walking painkiller. Can you blame him?”

Yuji tilts his head as if considering your words. He looks like he wants to say more but words fail him. “If it’s okay with you, I’m going to go check on Fushiguro.”

You nod, “Of course.” Yuji’s low bow before he leaves seems excessive. This is the boy who saved all of Japan after all. You sigh. Yuji doesn’t see the situation the same way. He sees it as him failing to protect all of Japan. You duck behind the curtain pulled around Choso’s bedside and sink into the chair beside him.

Choso looks like he was chewed up and spit out again by a meat grinder. Maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration; but not by much.

You had managed to nap for about an hour the ate some food Yuji had brought up alongside fresh flowers for the room. That was enough to give yourself a little more cursed energy to expend. You are trying to improve his quality of life while keeping him drugged up so he’s not in excruciating pain. Even with all your advanced pain relieving jutsus he moans for hours on end. Throat so raw he coughs up blood.

You place your fingers right behind his ears near his jaw. His right eardrum is just about healed. He should be able to hear something at least. The left ear is irreparable. Well technically it’s not the ear. Shoko said it’s the nerves from the brain to his ear that were destroyed. He has a gnarly scar on the back of his head. His dark locks will hide it in time. That’s probably the least of his worries.

You pick up his medical chart and jot down some notes. There’s a human figure at the bottom of the page. The figure shows front and back with notes on all injuries. You had to start numbering the locations because it was too much to write in the area provided.

“Left cranium injury, loss of hearing and sight to left eye. Severe burns to the inside of the throat and lungs from breathing in super heated air. Six broken ribs, right lung punctured, arms with severe burns from the elbow down. Right hand missing pinky and index finger. Left hand and forearm required amputation.” You can’t read anymore. Needless to say nothing survived below the knees.

When he’s up moaning in pain all night you wish you never would have tried to help him. He probably would beg you to let him die if he could manage it.

You stroke the right side of his forehead gently. He remarkably hasn’t had a fever today. He’s gradually improving. Shoko says he’s out of the woods now. He won’t die but he can’t regrow any of the pieces missing either.

Tracing his brow you hope the light sensation brings the tiniest bit of comfort. You’re terrified he’ll hate you when he wakes up and registers his condition. The only thing proving he’s aware of anything is he cries out for Yuji intermittently only to stop when Yuji or you hold his hand. What’s left of it. You hesitated at first to put any pressure on his hand but when you finally did his three undamaged fingers wrapped around your own. He didn’t let go until Yuji took your place.

His fingers curl comfortably around yours now. The sharing of warmth between you both seems to help you both relax. His blood pressure goes down to a healthier level and you can finally manage to get some much needed sleep. You don’t even realize when you doze off. Something feels wrong when you wake up. The hospital room is dark except for the green glow of the machine running his intravenous and keeping his pulse and oxygen rates tracked. Disentangling his finger from yours, you stand, examining the numbers on it to be sure there isn’t anything wildly out of the ranges he’s been in. “It doesn’t look bad. All things considered.” You’ve been talking to him since the moment you found him in the rubble. It comes naturally now. You don’t expect a response.

The relationship you have is one sided. You and Choso had never officially met before the fight against Sukuna. You had seen him in passing. Especially in the months leading up to the climactic battle of good vs evil. He was referred to as the curse protecting Sukuna’s former vessel by those who didn’t care for him and Itadori’s older brother by those who did. You hadn’t formed an opinion either way at the time.

You change the bag of urine collected and make sure his catheter doesn’t have any kinks in the line. Finding nothing else to occupy yourself with you slide back into the chair you had been seated in. “I think I’m starting to lose it.” You’re not sure what woke you up but you doubt you could fall back asleep anytime soon. You place your hand under his again and his fingers wrap back around your own.

You adjust pulling your legs up onto your chair, your thumb lightly rubbing the back of his hand in what you hope is comforting circles. That uncomfortable feeling falls over you again. It’s like you're being watched. You jerk awake, your eyes quickly scan up his face only to lock on the dark brown eye watching you. You gasp in surprise and shock. He looks cognizant, his pupils are almost back to normal size. Your mouth opens and shuts a few times in shock, “I-I gotta tell Yuji.”

You go to reach for your phone but your attention goes back to him when he tries to sit up and speak. Eyes widening, you're shaking your head. You let go of the hand that is holding his to urge him to not move; but his grasp on you is surprisingly strong. It doesn’t hurt at all but it’s definitely firm. “Choso, please don’t try to get up yet. You’ll tear your stitches open.”

He must be able to hear your plea because he pauses and rests back into the pillows laying about him. His eyes are scanning his surroundings briefly. They pause on the wall clock only to wander until they rest on your face. “It’s 3:20 AM.” You hear yourself stupidly explain what he clearly just saw. “..but you know that because you read the clock. Sorry.”

He looks confused as to why you're apologizing. You flush in embarrassment before picking up your phone again. “Yuji is going to be so happy you're aware now.”

His fingers squeeze your own briefly to get your attention. You pause to glance up at him in surprise. His voice is deep and scratchy sounding but it’s there. “Don’t.”

You blink in confusion several times. All Choso has done is ask for Yuji the whole time he’s sick and now he doesn’t want to see him? Clarity hits you a moment later, “You don’t want to wake him up?”

The corner of his lip curls slightly in the smallest smile. His fingers flexing once around yours in what your guessing is approval. You can’t help but smile back, your eyes burning with relief that his mind seems intact. “How about I text him as a compromise?”

His response is so light it’s barely a flutter of his fingers. His head is leaning back into his pillow. The eye he doesn’t have covered with bandages sleepily blinks at you. His eye is starting to look unfocused as it drifts shut. Each time it closes it’s a little longer than the last. He’s still holding your hand. You text with one hand to Yuji telling him the good news but not to rush over that Choso is going back to sleep. When you finish the message you tuck the phone into your pants pocket. Now free your spare hand wanders to his brow again. Still cool to the touch. You caress his forehead lightly stroking his hair back. You hope you aren’t overstepping your boundaries by doing so. Thankfully, you're reassured when he gives a long breath out and his brow relaxes as he fully falls asleep.

AN

I really enjoyed these fics with themes of loss and surviving with a caregiver reader. Please consider checking them out.

@umemiyan Postmortem/Postpartum

Buttholesupreme “I’ll be seeing you”

[quitealotofsodapop]

it has been awhile, but I've finally gotten around to doing another one of these! hope it will help with my writing funk.

[and is super guilty for not having told him back then. At the same time, Wukong is confused why Max seems so... ok with it suddenly???] + [He ultimately doesnt want to open up any old wounds Wukong has from the incident since he's been living with the outcome of that fight far longer than Mac has.] + [Why was Wukong protecting the monk that hurt him? Why was Wukong going on this Journey and not returning to his throne? Why did he hide the Stone Egg from the world?]

honestly? Wukong is probably more concerned by how okay with having been killed Mac is than he would be if he was still upset and causing problems because of it. I feel like Wukong would actually be very ok with talking/answering any questions about what happened, it'd be a hard conversation for sure, but he's grown to have enough emotional maturity to know it's a necessary one. the only reason he let Mac get away with pushing it off for so long to the point of it blowing up in there faces a little was because he was trying to let the other have time to process and work out how he felt before trying to hash things out together.

but perhaps, Wukong is also deflecting a little, worried that trying to talk about it would spur into an argument. neither of them are very good at listening to each other when they get riled up, and after how their fight went... he knows he did his best trying to talk Macaque down, but he always kinda feels like he should've tried harder. he just doesn't want things to get out of control again.

[Ao Lie and Wukong are quickly panicking over each other while their other bros are forcing them to rest after the Samadhi Fire Ritual.]

the Tripataka forces them both onto bedrest, but it's a combined effort of the uninjured pilgrims to keep them there considering how restless Wukong can be. between Wukong and Ao Lie? it's an endless cycle of "no, I'll get up and ask for water, you stay in bed" and "no, I'll grab the extra blankets, you need to rest".

[Wukong was in so much pain that he was convinced that he was going into labor, or that he even lost Yuebei as a result of joining in the Ritual.]

now I'm just picturing the others waking up to Wukong (who normally has a very high pain tolerance) loudly sobbing from how much it hurts and inconsolable because once the thought of having lost the egg even crossed his mind he became convinced that's what happened. he must have cried so hard, they'd have to call Guanyin to do a check-up while he's still sobbing to show him the egg is fine for him to even begin to calm down.

[Nezha makes note of hiding anything flammable whenever he visits the monkeys.]

it does seem Yuebei has a taste for the spicy-er things, huh. wonder if she'd like any of Redson's cooking?

[Pigsy: "Sure thing. Guess little monkeys aren't much different from little MKs." *gives Yuebei her nose back*]

heh- funny thing about that pigsy-

[Memory!Ao Lie, frowning: "Why are you so stubborn to admit that it wasn't your fault? I really truly never blamed you, or her." Wukong, crying: "Why were you so ok with it? Because of me, the Samadhi Fire it... hurt you."]

Wukong has had a real rough go with people ditching him after one mistake, real or even just perceived mistakes alike, and messing up the ritual and letting the fire hurt Ao Lie? a monumental fuck-up to almost anyone you ask. Wukong, rather unfortunately, has very good reason for believing Ao Lie would hate or resent him for it, anyone else would. he's grown used to it, apathetic, maybe even has grown to expect it.

as it is, this means Wukong has a very hard time understanding/grasping it when someone doesn't hate him over things like this.

[Ofc Nezha feels like garbage for treating Wukong's actions during the Ritual as a failing.]

worst part is, Wukong doesn't treat him like he was wrong. when it gets brought up he talks about matter-of-factly, nonchantly, like it was no big deal that he was in pain, at risk of sacrificing his unborn egg and basically everyone aside from the pilgrims was treating him like he was the ultimate disappointment.

this is in part due to Wukong's own guilt over the ritual, insecurities about being enough/strong enough, and because he, again, doesn't blame Ne Zha because he didn't know about the egg because Wukong never told him and therefore, it's actually on his shoulders .

(Wukong needs a therapist)

[The Spider Gang has nightmares of Guanyin coming to beat the rest of them up like she's a Jojo stand.]

they're so terrified that they basically start praying to Guanyin- more so begging to be left alone, but still.

[To hear that Wukong has named her his little "Moon Comet Star" just makes him cry harder, especially with how casually Wukong names her.] + [But I bet Wukong is just so happy that he tells everyone Yuebei's name long before that time.]

I think Wukong probably had a lot of trouble coming up with names before Yuebei was born, nothing just ever seemed right! he honestly tried not to think about why the only ones that ever seemed to be good candidates were space/moon related names. but then Macaque came back. he stopped denying it at that point, and just went all for it. no matter how things with Mac end up going, Wukong probably already had the name chosen by the time he came back from looking for the map. And yeah, Macaque loves the idea that this was always Wukong's plan, and Wukong being just as happy about the name is also just so cute to him!

[It's PIF anf DBK's fave baby photo of Yuebei - besides the one where she tried eating Red Son's hair.]

oooooo what do you think would be everyone else's fav baby photos of Yuebei?

[and when he gets to Camel Ridge, he pauses before looking towards Wukong for confirmation. At Wukong's excited nod, Macaque grins evily.] + [Macaque also deliberately exaggerates the voices of their allies like PIF and DBK so Yuebei doesn't accidentally associate their voices with the muddy past shown in the book.]

let's be real, Peng's voice is the most bastardized.

love the fact that Macaque doesn't even really have to ask, Wukong already knows what he's planning and is living for it. Wukong enjoys the retelling almost as much as Yuebei does, if only for Macaque's dramatics. and doing his best to change her perception of their current allies? a very appreciated effort.

[Azure is clueless and isn't sure if monkey cubs work like lion cubs or not. Yellow Tusk has the sense to ask the remaining servants for help with tending to the infant - a group of seven brave orchard maidens stepped forward to run the baby a bath and prepare her a meal. Yellow Tusk is sure that he recognises them.]

so long pining for a monkey and he has no clue how they work or how to care for one. at least Yellowtusk is at least a little bit sensible. and ah! the peach orchard maidens Wukong was friends with! imagine if this was their first proper intro to Yuebei. they've never met but they know this is their old friends child so the seven will do anything for her, take on as many responsibilities as it takes to keep Yuebei out of Azure's claws as long as they can.

they don't like any of the brotherhood, but tusk at least seems remorseful enough to consider him safe enough to help bathe the little infant- with supervision of course. Yuebei latching to his trunk was probably as funny to them (at Yellow tusk's expense) as it was heartbreaking because they could probably recognize the behavior for what it was due to their time spent with the Monkey King.

at least Yuebei's comes out of it thinking/feeling very positively about peach maidens.

[So when the elephant gently put Yuebei in the warm bathwater and offered her mashed fruit, she instinctively clasped around his trunk like it was the arm of her parents, making sad hooing sounds as she sucked on her fingers. Yellow Tusk felt his heart break at the sight. He simply cannot fathom harming her in any sense of the word.]

oh no, Yuebei's sucking her finger, means she's missing her mama. imagine if after her rescue Wukong/macaque notice she's developed a small oral fixation from the trauma of her kidnapping.

I wonder if Yellow Tusk ever looks down at this tiny monkey and has an epiphany about how he treated Monkey King and Macaque, or the treatment of them he was at least complacent in. those two were never truly infants sure, but they were young minds, perhaps the thought had never crossed his mind because they're looks were deceiving when it came to age. how young had they truly been? what age were the children the brotherhood sent to war and martyred?

perhaps it doesn't matter anymore, the chance at redemption long forgotten, but at least he knows i his heart of hearts he will not make the mistake again. even if it means betraying those he's held dear for so long...

[Mac would make a show of picking up his baby girl and kissing her all over while commenting in baby-talk; "Did you have fun with the birdy and kitty, moonlight? Yeah? Do you want Bama to take something to remember your little play date?"]

the fact that Macaque baby-talks to the obvious victor only makes Peng's humiliation worse. Imagine getting turned into ground beef by an infant and her dad comes in and makes it all the more real that you were beaten by a less-than-a-year-old baby by outright baby talking her in front of you. like you always were and always would be nothing but literal child's play to deal with that you weren't even deserving of having your defeat be treated seriously, no. your opponent gets baby talk congratulations.

Macaque will forever tell the story of Peng's defeat when having proud dad bragging moments.

[Macaque has one of the feathers preserved as a bookmark. It brings him great joy.]

he takes a couple feathers for himself, makes a few different things out of them, like a quill. but he also made one or two for other people like Wukong and of course Yuebei's toy. they all bring him (and the receivers of the gifts) great joy.

prev.

yesyesyes some SlowBoiled thoughts! Also btw I've shortened what parts I'm replying to for brevity.

[honestly? Wukong is probably more concerned by how okay with having been killed Mac is than he would be if he was still upset and causing problems because of it...] + [but perhaps, Wukong is also deflecting a little, worried that trying to talk about it would spur into an argument... ...he just doesn't want things to get out of control again.]

YES

A big reason for their fight just as S4 starts is the fact they're avoiding some pretty big glaring questions/concerns to "avoid conflict", only to hurt themselves and each other more by deflecting. Sometime avoiding confrontation is more harmful than tackling your demons head-on and de-escalating any anger that it brings up as it comes. Wukong would be ok answering any questions Mac needed to be answered, but the real hard part is getting both monkeys in a space where they can vent it out a bit without one or both trying to portal away from an escalating conversation.

A good marriage counsellor needs to take on Wukong and Macaque's case and let the monkeys honestly Talk for a while without interruption.

Yue Lao, god of marriage & true love: "Diiiid someone call for marriage help?" :3

[the Tripataka forces them both onto bedrest, but it's a combined effort of the uninjured pilgrims to keep them there considering how restless Wukong can be. between Wukong and Ao Lie? it's an endless cycle of "no, I'll get up and ask for water, you stay in bed" and "no, I'll grab the extra blankets, you need to rest".] +[now I'm just picturing the others waking up to Wukong (who normally has a very high pain tolerance) loudly sobbing... ...he must have cried so hard, they'd have to call Guanyin to do a check-up while he's still sobbing to show him the egg is fine for him to even begin to calm down.]

Aww. It's very sweet but also kinda sad to think about. Eventually Ao Lie and Wukong are both too exhausted from their escape attempts, so the rest of the Pilgrims tap in to tend to them.

And the miscarriage scare!! PIF had opened up to Wukong in the last few weeks about how she and Bull had suffered tragic losses before Red came into the world - and when Wukong feels that terrible pain in his body, he immediately breaks down at the thought of suffering the same loss. Guanyin has to check in since Wukong won't stop hyperventilating and crying at the idea that he lost Yuebei. The goddess thankfully is able to confirm that the soul within the egg was alive and well, just very startled by the surge of power. Wukong still cries, now from relief.

Sadly, if the Samadhi ritual occurred after Macaque's death, Wukong likely saw the Egg as the final reminder of his former-mate. Yuebei is his little moonlight, even if her creation was not ideal.

[it does seem Yuebei has a taste for the spicy-er things, huh. wonder if she'd like any of Redson's cooking?]

Now I'm thinking of a scene where post-S3/4, Red Son is messing around in the kitchen with MK and Mei while they're babysitting Yuebei. Cue the baby grabbing a handful of spicy bbq sauce Red Son has been preparing and shove it in her mouth like it's nothing. All three are speechless with terror as Yuebei doesn't appear to be bothered in the slightest. Then she tries going for more!

Red Son quickly moves his sauce pot away and wonders aloud if he's skipped an ingredient. MK takes a spoonful, and with his face sweating profusely wheezes "Nope. That's Australian-level."

Yuebei whines for some more, and all three now understand why she keeps trying to eat firey things. DBK laughes proudly when he's told about it later on - nothing less from his dear godcalf!

[heh- funny thing about that pigsy-]

Lets just say a lot about MK's upbringing makes more sense after Pigsy realises that his son is a monkey demon XD

[Wukong has had a real rough go with people ditching him after one mistake, real or even just perceived mistakes alike... ...this means Wukong has a very hard time understanding/grasping it when someone doesn't hate him over things like this.]

THIS is why Ao Lie and the Samadhi Fire arc are so important to Wukong's character. He has such trouble understanding that sometimes people who care won't hold your mistakes real or perceived against you. Ao Lie likely told Wukong to his face multiple times that he didn't care that Wukong "screwed up", he was just glad that Wukong, the Egg, and Tripitaka were alive and well after all things considered.

[worst part is, Wukong doesn't treat him like he was wrong... ....(Wukong needs a therapist)]

The fact that Wukong doesn't mind that Nezha treated his failure that way all those years ago, makes Nezha even more concerned in the modern day!

yes yes he does.

[they're so terrified that they basically start praying to Guanyin- more so begging to be left alone, but still.]

Guanyin can only grant the Spider Gang a swift end and perhaps a revival after S3. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[I think Wukong probably had a lot of trouble coming up with names before Yuebei was born,...]

Wukong is bad at naming things I feel. He did call himself "Grimpil Sun" when he pretended to be a different monkey in the Gold-Silver Twins chapter. Even after over a thousand years of prep, he's still undecided what he'd should call his Egg once they arrive.

He's called Yuebei his "little moonlight", his "star", and his "comet" since long before he finally decided on her name. And when Macaque came back into his life and confirmed that he wanted both of them to be safe? His little "Moon Comet Star" just made sense - she indirectly brought his Moonlight back to him.

[oooooo what do you think would be everyone else's fav baby photos of Yuebei?]

hehehe!

For Wukong it's any photo of Yuebei. Look at his daughter! She's here! She's so perfect! Has one of those giant wallets full of photos of her.

Macaque's favorite is one Mei snapped of Yuebei just after the baby had destroyed Peng and Azure - the cub's eyes gleaming with delight at seeing her Bama again, her mouth full of golden feathers. He also treasures a photo he took of Wukong just after Yuebei's egg was born - his Peaches smiling contentedly as he curls around the egg.

MK's is when Yuebei saw him put away the Staff, and she tried looking inside his ear for it.

Mei is taking so many photos all the time, so it's hard for her to have faves. One of her faves though is a pair of photos where Yuebei is completely calm and about to fall asleep, and then her eyes are glowing with eye-lasers cus a bang in the kitchen scared her. Mei uses it as a reaction meme.

For Pigsy its a photo of Yuebei attempting to eat her first mooncake - the pastry was bigger than her whole head. Chang'e took the photo and just knew Pigsy would love it.

Tang's is the one of MK holding Yuebei for the first time, tears and snot running down the older monkey-boy's face while Yuebei looks up at him curiously. Tang thinks it's hilarious.

Sandy's fave is Yuebei taking a curious sip of tea from her mama's cup, and frowning hard when she realised it wasn't as nice as milk. Also one where Yuebei and Mo got distracted by the same cat toy - seems that the baby girl likes attacking things with feathers.

PIF and DBK's faves are well known ofc. Red Son would claim that he doesn't have any, but secretly its one where the baby monkey is playing peekaboo with DBK. It just really heart-warming to see his father interact with Yuebei after missing out on a lot of Red's childhood. Red looks at the photo and wonders if his father ever tried such games on him. (He did. Baby Red Son exploded)

Jiuweihuli and the twins love any photo Wukong shares with them. The old Vixen's favourite is where Macaque managed to get Yuebei into an elaborate baby costume (lots of bribery with mashed peaches was involved) and the baby is just happily sticking her tongue out at the camera.

It takes Bai He a while to warm up to Yuebei all the way, but she likes the photo of Yuebei when she first met Mo. The cat was very cautious and the baby monkey was just fascinated.

The gods themselves get rare glimpses of Sun Wukong's baby. Nezha's fave is a short video of Yuebei's first ever swimming lesson - decked out in all the little floaties as she doggie-paddled in the kiddie pool, Wukong smiling and holding his arms out for her while Macaque filmed. Nezha loves it not only for it's content, but for how happy Wukong finally is after so long. He blesses Yuebei many times over for good fortune and safety.

[let's be real, Peng's voice is the most bastardized. love the fact that Macaque doesn't even really have to ask, Wukong already knows what he's planning and is living for it. Wukong enjoys the retelling almost as much as Yuebei does, if only for Macaque's dramatics. and doing his best to change her perception of their current allies? a very appreciated effort.]

Macaque turns Peng's voice into a harsh nasally sound with random squawks thrown in like a cartoon parrot.

Wukong and Macaque have a near psychic connection as a couple once they start cohabitating again (and deal with emotional stuff). Wukong cannot deny his Plums the chance to make fun of their former brothers. Wukong even gets in on it, mimicking his own younger self and a some of the Pilgrims in a silly voice. Yuebei loves story time.

[so long pining for a monkey and he has no clue how they work or how to care for one. at least Yellowtusk is at least a little bit sensible... ...at least Yuebei's comes out of it thinking/feeling very positively about peach maidens.]

Azure is an orange male cat at his core - he's standing there, holding Yuebei by her diaper and wondering "What now?" while Peng covers their beak. Yellowtusk atleast has the wisdom to ask around the palace for help when Yuebei starts getting fussy. And since Peng confirms that the Memory Scroll "took the cupbearers as well" in the special, the Orchard Maidens are running themselves ragged to ensure that the invaders are content, and by proxy Yuebei safe. Not many are aware of their familial connection to the Emperor on first glance, so they quickly disguise themselves as "just" servants that escaped the Scroll.

So when Yellowtusk approaches almost shyly for help to feed and clean the baby hostage, the girls knew they made the right choice to stay. The seven maidens had taken one look at the baby monkey, saw the power she wielded, and just knew she was their dear didi's baby. '

The Maidens provide a character statement for Yellowtusk once everything is said and done. Afterall, the elephant allowed his trunk to be nearly crushed if it meant the baby girl had comfort.

Oh oh! Imagine in the aftermath of S4, Wukong manages to ask Yellowtusk who cared for Yuebei while she was hostage?

Yellowtusk, in cuffs about to be taken away: "I tried my best, but without the aid of the seven Orchard Maidens I likely wouldn't have fared much better than my brothers." Wukong: "Orchard Maidens?" Seven distinct voices: "Didi!" Wukong turns to see the seven snake-cat-like celestials running towards him, their appearances unkempt from worry. They carefully check him and Yuebei over. Orchard Maidens: "Oh thank buddha you're ok!" "We were so worried!" "After what happened to baba we..." "We couldn't bare to leave her alone with them!" Wukong, touched: "You all stayed behind, knowing that you shared the halls with the lion that took your father away, just to make sure my baby was ok?" Orchard Maidens: "Of course!" "You're a fellow attendant!" "Aiyi would have broken her vow of pacifism if either of you were truly hurt!" "We knew she was yours just from the way she... shot lasers out her eyes." Wukong, tearing up: "Oh girls..." Wukong & the Maidens: (*all group hug, careful to give Yuebei some space*)

Yuebei considers the Maidens akin to aunties since they care for her so well and clearly have a good relationship with her mama. This indirectly leads to the mourning Xiwangmu to see the baby girl as a surrogate granddaughter once they are properlly introduced. Yuebei recognises something in the Queen Mother's heart is hurt and wants to hug and kiss it better. Xiwangmu in turn can only reminice on the times she and her dear Jade held their own cubs in their arms, the dawn of their empire.

[oh no, Yuebei's sucking her finger, means she's missing her mama... ... he knows i his heart of hearts he will not make the mistake again. even if it means betraying those he's held dear for so long...]

Yesss. Baby monkey who are separate from their mothers develop oral fixations/self-soothing behaviors, which is still seen if they successfully gain a foster mom/is returned. It's a learned habit. Now I'm imagining Yuebei becoming super attached to her pacifer long after she's weaned, just because its such a source of comfort for her. Wukong and Macaque had to ask around a bit to try and figure out how to wean Yuebei off the pacifer once her milk teeth started growing in.

Yellowtusk's redemption is very internal, but it reflects heavily in his actions. After the days of caring for Yuebei, and coming to realise how they as a Brotherhood treated their monkey brethern, Yellowtusk starts on the path of reversing the damage caused by the coup. Even if the Heavens never forgive him, he is ultimately glad that his brothers and their families are safe - a far greater reward than what Azure's plans brought him.

Note; in situations where the Brotherhood survive/are captured after S4 - I feel like the Buddha pulls a Jttw on them and suddenly theres three circlets on their heads for the next few millennium. >:)

[the fact that Macaque baby-talks to the obvious victor only makes Peng's humiliation worse... Macaque will forever tell the story of Peng's defeat when having proud dad bragging moments.] +[he takes a couple feathers for himself, makes a few different things out of them, like a quill. but he also made one or two for other people like Wukong and of course Yuebei's toy. they all bring him (and the receivers of the gifts) great joy.]

HAHA! XD

Peng ain't ever going to live down being turned into chicken paste by a baby monkey. A bunch of celestial soldiers and servants saw how the Six Eared Macaque waltzed in, picked up the baby monkey, and cooed at her while Peng lay broken upon the floor. Yuebei isn't some disguised immortal or god, she's a baby. One that quickly falls asleep in her parents arms once they're all reunited.

Macaque is so keeping a few of Peng's feathers as trophies. The quill idea is amazing - he'd sign everything with it. Wukong gets a cute broach made with one of the golden feathers intertwined, and thinks its beautiful (if a little arrogant but hey he loves trophies). Yuebei has a toy thats 80% feathers she's ripped from Peng, and 20% string and cloth that looks like a kitten toy - it's her fave thing besides her plush skeleton toy. Macaque sends Xiwangmu a few feather quills along with a letter of condolence - it brings her some comfort (as does the lion hide she drapes on her shoulder).

tysm for asking in! Its ok to take breaks from writing if we need it. I'm just glad that we can shoot ideas back and forth.

[angstymdzsthoughts]

Still with the Nielan Baby AU. In the final act, Jin Guangyao, learning the truth about the kid got angry and asks bitterly to Xichen what "this barbarian who only knew violence as answer" had more than him. "were you ashamed of it if you didn't tell me"

Maybe he pretends the child was a mistake. Or that Mingjue takes advantages of Xichen because of his QI instability. Horrible things. Like if he didn't get himself married, didn't love his wife (before learning who she was for him). Maybe he's just bitter now because he had always wanted Xichen too.

Xichen is a wreck for obvious reason. He has been betrayed, captured, his spiritual powers sealed, his brother, nephew (Let's say Yuan is here) and son (+ all the others) are in danger and Jin Guangyao insults Mingjue's memory after have killed him and cut his body in pieces. He ruined his dream of a happy family, and Xichen lived the same thing than his mother (having his child taken away of him) but worse since it was barely a monthly visit that he had with his own child.

Little Bao is clutched to Huaisang, terrified. He doesn't understand why his uncle Yao is so angry suddenly. Why he says terrible things about his father and why uncle Xichen seems to sad.

Jin Ling forget his own pain and hug the child, telling him to not listen his uncle. He's in tears himself. Lan Sizhui gives comfort to his cousin too (he just learns who the kid was).

"Er-Ge, i wouldn't have taken your child away of you if it was me"

"No, because if you didn't kill Mingjue, it wouldn't have happened!"

Huaisang can't shut up "and considering that you have killed your own son, i doubt he would have been safe with you"

"If he had been mine, i wouldn't have reason to kill him because he wouldn't have been a disgusting incestous child!"

A-Ling cries even more because it was his cousin and it is so painful, he thinks to his aunt and how she was sad to have lost her baby and how she couldn't have another.

And A-Ling can't stop to wonder: Would his uncle Yao have killed him is his child wasn't the result of a incest? if he thought that he was a threat for his son?

Wei Wuxian is furious.

Lan Wangji has murder impulses.

Jiang Cheng is judging the hell of Jin Guangyao because "worse uncle and father EVER"

Jin Guangyao turns to the kid "A-Bao, do you knows how young your father was when he's dead? You'll live the same fate if you continue in the Nie way"

"You're the one who killed Dage!" yells Huaisang, furious. "you have no right to speak to A-Bao"

But the kid looks at JGY and says, with as much serious voice he can use: "i know the fate of my father and my ancestors but Bobo and Uncle Xichen makes sure that it will never happen to me! I'm the futur sect leader Nie and i'll make my father proud.

"Uncle" JGY laughs "are you aware that it's your other parent"

Bao looks at him, tears in his eyes "Yes. Bobo tells me. Yesterday. "

.

[otomiyaa]

Surprises

Tyler x Kate (Twisters 2024)

A/N: I caved! Confession time, I watched the movies Deadpool & Wolverine and Twisters both on the same day at the cinema... and to my biggest surprise I enjoyed Twisters more. Plot twist(er) of the year!

Summary: Reunion-kisses, failed surprises and one-sided tickle fights; in other words, just a fluffy fic with this lovely storm chaser couple! (Also on AO3)

Word Count: 1.2K

The sound of the familiar red tornado chaser truck alone was enough for Kate to sprint out of the door. Of course. Of course.

"I knew it. My mom told you, didn't she?" was the first thing she said the moment Tyler stepped out of his car. It hadn't been that long since he visited her in New York, but still, seeing him again made her tingle with joy.

"Of course she did. Guess I'm a little butthurt you didn't tell me you were coming over," Tyler said, spreading his arms for a hug. The old Kate wouldn't have thought she'd be the type to fall in the arms of the popular Tornado Wrangler Tyler Owens, yet here she was.

"Be butthurt all you want. You ruined your own birthday surprise," she said after their sweet reunion kiss.

Tyler shrugged. "Could've known you weren't actually settling with that 'online' celebration," he said.

Kate nodded, smirking. "Oh so you assumed I'd fly over, just for you? That's quite the confidence there."

Tyler smirked right back. "I know right?" He kissed her again and took her hand to guide her to his truck.

"Where are we going? You're not coming in first?" Kate asked, but she still hopped on the passengers seat when he opened the door for her.

"We're not going anywhere, I just wanted to show you," Tyler said, getting in the drivers seat and patting the wheel.

"Notice anything?"

Kate looked around the car. "Wow... You... I guess you cleaned it," she said, noticing the difference. It was once a typical messy storm chaser car. Now it looked like anything but that. She didn't notice it in his latest video. When did he...?

She looked around, then opened the glove box and raised her eyebrows. It was basically empty.

"Aren't you happy?" Tyler asked when Kate continued to inspect the surprising lack of gadgets, merchandise, empty cans and snack wrappers. She shrugged.

"I don't know," she admitted.

"You told me it was messy," Tyler said, causing Kate to chuckle. She knew he did this for her, and enjoyed the look on his face now that she didn't seem pleased at all.

"I know I did. It's just... It's less you. I liked the mess you made."

Tyler laughed and shook his head. "I see, I see. Well, looks like you ruined your own surprise too. I thought you'd be proud. Why are you laughing?"

Kate couldn't control herself and shook her head. "I don't know, you're laughing too," she giggled, covering her mouth with her hand. Just the thought of Tyler cleaning his messy car to try and impress her, only for her to dislike it, somehow had more comedy to it than she would've expected.

"You're laughing at me, that's different," Tyler said. That only made Kate laugh more.

"I'm sohorry, you're just too f-AHhah!" Kate jumped when Tyler reached out and squeezed her side. Her eyes widened and she pulled up her knees.

"You dihihidn't just do tha-nohoho!" she laughed when he started to tickle her. They had been together for a while now, and Tyler actually did not tickle her before, until now. Well, for everything there was a first time of course, and she was surprised how easily Tyler guessed that she was ticklish.

"I'm just too what? What were you going to say?" Tyler teased, poking and squeezing Kate's sides playfully. Kate shook her head and laughed as she tried to defend herself.

"I cahahan't say i-it like this!" she warned. Tyler stopped for a brief moment and she immediately gasped for air.

"Then say it now," he demanded with that sweet grin on his face.

"Y-you're just too funny," Kate said breathlessly. She then opened the door and tried to bolt out of the car, but Tyler just in time grabbed her arm and pulled her back before she could escape. Toppling back onto the passenger seat, Kate was immediately attacked with tickles again, and now with the door open her legs kicked out freely while more of her hysterical laughter was set loose. Help.

"Looks like I'm sooo funny, you can't stop laughing. How about that!" Tyler sang while his fingers continued to wiggle all over Kate's sides and tummy. Kate squealed and struggled to break free.

"I w-was ahalready lahaughing! S-stop thahat!" she cried. The thought that her mom would come out of the house and see this ridiculous display made her blush with embarrassment.

"Tyleheher- wahhah!" Kate flailed and struggled. Jeb's face flashed before her eyes, just briefly. He used to tickle her like this. Not that she could recall that for long, Tyler made sure of that by tickling her so much that all she could do was laugh.

"Oh no you don't," Tyler laughed when Kate tried to dive onto the backseat when he refused to let her escape out of the open door. He chased her like the skilled chaser he was, and Kate basically got herself into an even more desperate position, ending up sprawled on the backseat where Tyler tickled her mercilessly.

"Had I known you're this ticklish, I would have done this way sooner," Tyler said, still with that charming smile. He was killing her in multiple ways.

"I gihihive! Tyler- plehease!" Kate's fierce struggles brought her back to an attempt at climbing back on the front seat, however with her hands grabbing wherever they could while Tyler feasted on his new discovery of her highly ticklish hips, what happened next wasn't too much of a surprise. Still, they both jolted in shock when a rocket suddenly shot out of the truck. Oops.

Luckily that canceled whatever tickle monster transformation Tyler was going through. Great timing, since the sound of the fireworks prompted Kate's mom to come out.

"Starting the party early? I thought Tyler's birthday is tomorrow," she said, crossing her arms and looking up at the sky. Kate sighed in relief when Tyler let her out, and she tiredly leaned against him.

"Yeah- never too early... for fireworks," she said breathlessly. Tyler joined her and nodded.

"My birthday is already complete," he said, putting his arm around her shoulder.

Cathy laughed, gazed one more time at the sky where the rocket had exploded earlier, and then turned around again.

"Well, it'll be more complete if you come in and taste the cake I made!" she said as she went back inside, leaving the door open for them to follow her.

Kate was relieved that her mom didn't make this too awkward, and she glanced sideways at Tyler. "Are you done now?" she asked, still catching her breath.

"Yeah, for now. I think." Kate giggled when he couldn't help himself and tickled her side one last time. He then took her in his arms and kissed her lips.

"That's a lot of surprises at once. You coming here, disliking my clean car, and I happen to have the most ticklish girlfriend ever. So... Any other surprises in store?"

Kate smirked and kissed him again. "Just you wait," she hummed. Tyler couldn't respond to that with anything else than more of those lovely kisses before they finally followed her mother inside to enjoy some cake.

[rabbitbakery]

A brief reprieve (black Pearl cookie x captain caviar cookie)

I’ve been cooking an au in my silly little brain ever since I started hyperfixating on cookie run yet again. I call it the ✨reformation au✨

Warnings: a little angst but comfort, heavily implied that black Pearl cookie was in love with frilled jellyfish cookie before she “died”, man tits 😔

__________________________________

She doesn’t know what this….MAN has done to her brain but she’s not exactly….thrilled about it. Black Pearl cookie told herself she would NEVER trust a pile of worthless crumbs ever again, it’s only brought her trouble anyway! They are nothing but pathetic- weak! Yet, here she was, waiting for her… captain to visit her once more.

Ever since he and that sentient fish tank dared disturb her in her sunken kingdom, he’s been visiting. She tried to drown him for the first few times, but he was nothing but stubborn- stupidly so in her opinion. He was a persistent little pest, yet she found herself waiting for him at noon on the dot everyday. If he would come, it was always at noon, no sooner or later. Over time she…dreaded his visits less…. The constant storm making the Dustgloom sea’s nearly inhospitable calming with every visit. She doesn’t know what’s wrong with her, her first love betrayed her… took Frilled Jellyfish cookie away from her… but yet she finds herself at the same little alcove underwater, silently watching the horizon for a all too familiar ship.

“Lass? You ‘ere?” Captain Caviar cookies deep, raspy voice called towards the watery blue. That voice… ugh she can’t stand it…After a few minutes she decided to make her appearance, her large, titanic form rose from the depths, looking down at the spec of a man in front of her. 

“What do you want…” her intimidating siren-like voice as loud as always, yet she’s never seen him flinch as many others have.

“There’ ya are pearly, ominous’ per usual huh lass?”. That nickname…that damn nickname… 

“You didn’t answer me…”. Part of her thinks he’s still trying to get something from her, yet she had no Pearl to lose anymore anyway…nothing she would be too beat up about parting with. 

“Can’t I come see ya without needen’ somethin?” He says with a deep chuckle, his hand looming over his pocket on his coat. She never knew why he wore the damn thing, he never buttoned it up anyhow. 

“I gotcha somethin’….”. She tilted her head like a curious cat, her usual slit pupils dilating. He grabbed the mysterious treasure from his pocket, waiting for her to hold out her hand to gift it to her. Black Pearl cookie reluctantly complied, it was probably some kind of cookie junk-

A Pearl. A big one too, full of shine and no imperfections, the lustrous surface shining pinks and grays perfectly… her… her Pearl. 

“Oyster cookie found out bout’ me lil trips down ere’ from me crew, the little scallawags, said she had somethin’ of yer’s from an old family member. Poor lass sounded so torn up bout’ er family stealin’ it.” 

“…” ah…it’s been that long… hasn’t it? He moved on without her…had a family…pasted away…

…

She suddenly dove back under the surface, her long white hair revealing her diving deeper and deeper till she could no longer be seen.

“Wait!- Lass? Ya alright? I’m sorry if I upset ya…” his voice started concerned, fading into disappointment… he was really hoping she’d like it. She might as well be part of his crew by now, and he wasn’t leaving his spot till he was certain she was in tip top shape, so he dropped the anchor and… waited.

…She had it back. Her Pearl, her perfect pearl, her most valued treasure returned to her. All that hatred for Lord Oyster cookie, all that venom she had for him taking what’s rightfully hers…. 

She feels…better. For the first time in centuries she felt like she gained just a little piece of herself that she had ripped from her. She felt…happy, not the joy she felt from watching those crumbs dissolve into nothing by her own hand, no. Content, she felt content. It brought her too tears, and she hasn’t cried in centuries, her cold, vitriolic heart beating with joy. She held it close, clutching it like it would be taken once more…

A tiny, calloused hand touched Black Pearl cookies scaled arm, bringing her back into her senses.

“…Pearly..? Are ya ok..?” His voice was soft, concerned and weary. She doesn’t know what to say, how to feel… and seemingly her face reflects that.

“…what…what does dat’ Pearl mean to ya?” That was all he could think to ask, clearly it meant a lot but he’s never seen her cry, it was unnerving to be frank. The highly feared sea siren, her name could strike terror into even the most experienced sailor, crying.

“…it’s my Pearl…” she mumbled like a scared child.

“…it was a gift to…..” she doesn’t finish her sentence. She hates feeling this weak, this PATHETIC. He’s the pathetic one- HIM. She’s the legendary Black Pearl cookie for almighty seas sake!- She’s a GOD compared to him…. Yet…

“…like… a boyfriend or somethin?” Captain Caviar cookie asked, confused that she even might have had a boyfriend before. Like, jeez poor bloke must’ve been idiotic to upset her this bad. 

“…he got my best friend killed over…THIS.” Her voice was full of venom and vitriol. Her  ginormous trident flew to her claw with a loud ‘SHINCK’. Black Pearl cookies tail shot her to the surface, memories she’d long buried swirling in her mind like a typhoon. The clouds above darkened, a grand thunderstorm forming…

“Why won’t that pest leave me BE!?-“ ‘WAM’ lighting struck a nearby rock face, jagged stones falling into the deep blue.

That pest took her way he got her killed by that stupid land cookie then had the gull to beg for forgiveness she will never forgive him she will ripe everything one of his next to kin to shreds-

“…I’m sorry lass…” his voice interrupted her rage, Captain Caviar, in the most sincere voice she thinks she’s ever heard. Her gaze returned to the water, watching him float next to her, his face etched with worry and a genuine care she’s not seen in  a millennia. 

“If i’dda known givin ye that woulda’ brought back such bad memories I woulda’ kept it to meself’…” Black Pearl cookie felt a pang of something she didn’t know she could feel anymore. Guilt.

“….no…no it’s not…I appreciate it, truly, I do…” the storm calmed, her trident sinking back to the sea floor.

“It’s just…I’m still so….” All his hard work, all his visiting and his care was paying off, she was finally opening up…

“Angry. He just… moved on like he didn’t do anything wrong… like he wasn’t a murderer..” Sharp talons dig into her skin as she said that last part, her eyes slits once more.

“…lass… I don’t mean to sound insensitiv’ but… holdin a grudge against that scurvy dog ain’t gonna change what he did… it’s no good for ya too keep makin urself’ miserable thinkin bout em’..” Captain Caviar cookie was trying his best to be as helpful as he could, but he ain’t trying to get himself turned into fish food quite yet. She just looked… tired now. A deep seeded tiredness that had built and festered, destroying the happy little moon she once was, even if she was insecure she was happy. Now look at her… how pitiful she was now…

“…perhaps your right…but it’s so hard not to be angry at…everything.” She was mad at the Almighty Sea for not protecting tearcrown, her sisters, or her precious servant when she needed her most. She’s mad at her sisters for not allowing her to grow stronger, to train incase of a battle so that maybe, just maybe she could have saved Frilled Jellyfish cookie. She’s mad at ….him. She gave him the ability to quite literally thrive underneath the tranquil waters and he threw it all away as soon as money was offered to him. He sold a part of her to a man who killed her true first love… her Frilled Jellyfish Cookie. She’s mad at herself… her sisters would be so disappointed if they saw her now.

“…I know lass… I know.” From the little things she’s told him before, he knew she had many valid reasons to be so hateful. To look at any living thing with distain, to distrust any cookie she saw. He just wishes she saw him the way he saw her. Captain Caviar cookie would never admit it out loud, but she truly was the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, cruel yes, mean? Absolutely! But he doesn’t mind, maybe there’s baby sturgeon’s in his brain eating away at his senses but that’s kind of what he liked about her. She was so strong, a force to be reckoned with, yet here he swims next to her, gently speaking to her as she’s in a distressed state.  

After a beat of silence she turns to her more docile small state, while still bigger then him by at least a foot. What Captain Caviar Cookie didn’t expect was for her to launch herself into his arms, curling around him like a boa constrictor. She’s NEVER been affectionate, other then the few pets she occasionally let him do on her head, they never touch.

“! Wow there lass-“

��he smells nice…like salt water and outside.. this was so nice. She can’t remember the last time she hugged someone, sometimes she forgets how touch starved she is. 

“…I like when you visit…” she mumbled into his coat, which she was heavily judging him for not taking it off before he jumped into the water. 

“…what was that lass?” He said smugly and light heartedly

“Shut it you worthless pile of crumbs and let me hug you!” Black Pearl Cookie hissed. There’s his girl. 

“Pfft- oh come on lass I’m teasin!”. She grumbled a bit more before focusing on snuggling up to him more, a deep purring in her throat. 

‘Hehe, like a cat…’ Captain Caviar thought to himself, happily accepting the affection from the siren he had been trying to get the attention of for weeks now. 

…This was nice…it was like all her anger and hatred was gone for but a moment…she felt.. lighter. Her mind more clear.

“…aye… lass you feelin’ alright? Yer scales be turnin…”.

“?” She gazed down at her tail, towards his gaze… pink. The tips of her scales were now pink, how they used to be… 

“WHAT THE?!-“ Black pearls voice screeched, a look of confusion and a little horrified shock on her face. How was that even possible??? All the pigment disappeared from her body when her mind was tainted- what happened???

“Wow wow Pearly calm down, I’m sure you caught a fever or somethin’”. She hates how his voice could always calm her. 

“You should rest lassy, it’s no good for ya to be havin all this excitement if ye are gettin’ sick.” He gently rubs her back, yeah…maybe it was that…

He bid her goodbye, her retiring to her hoard of valuables she had stolen from republic ships over the years. She was not to sleep till she placed her Pearl in a chest she had laying around, hiding it for no other but herself. Her hoard was like it’s own little story, the history of cookies long passed all within this submerged cave. She curled up in her lavished nest, maybe she’d be ok in the morning…

… but she wasn’t.

Her Pearl began gaining its pink shine back, the black pigment swirling and fighting with the soft pastel. The tips of her tail gained its rosey shade back in a soft gradient, her skin less grey… but it wasn’t sickness. She felt….calm. Like a weight had been lifted off her chest even if just a little. The constant storm within her seas calm, grey clouds. While the pain was still there.. it wasn’t in control anymore. 

She didn’t think a measly cookie could make her fall in love ever again….

But clearly she was wrong.

[alkaisheonhelp]

A Sagau, with reader being the disguise omnipotent being.

It's not quite much, just the usual Sagau AU where reader is the creator or something, no cult or that the archon have 'divine revelation' that The Creator is there, it's just omnipotence reader hanging out with the twins and paimon (yes the three of them know what you are.)

Its been awhile since you go down to check up on one of your beloved creation: Teyvat, it's not that you don't know what's happening around this creation of yours, you just never really have the time to actually go down and check, luckily your fellow fated companions are always traveling and checking on each nation and lands.

Aether and lumine are their name, also with their little companion, paimon.

You spawn on an open field in monstadt, walking towards one statue of the seven, you have already signalled for the twins that you have came down and wished to be guided in this journey through Teyvat.

You see a white blob in the distance, alongside 2 goldens. !!!

"Paimon!!" With an incredible speed, paimon zoom towards you, stopping just inches Infront of you before she straighten herself and bow

"your highness the creator! I'm- er- We! are here by your call!"

Not long after the golden twin joined her, also bowing. You fret a little, panicking, explaining that you just want to be more closer to Teyvat more.

"I see.... then, since we're in monstadt already, we might as well visit monstadt while showing you around, your highness" lumine thought already planning their journey.

"but your highness, if it's alright with you, your disguise may have to changed a bit" Aether chimed in, assessing the garment that you wore from your world. Understanding what he meant you asked what type of possible disguise that's not too flasy not too invisible.

"maybe something like what we have? People already knows us since long ago, so maybe if we told them you are our relative or that you are from the same place as us, it'll be believable enough?" Paimon thought, giving you the bestest idea she has in her tiny little brain.

That is quite a good idea though, so for now you just roll with it and change the modern clothes you are wearing to something akin to what the twins or paimon are wearing.

And now you're on your way to one of your beloved nation, the nation of winds and freedom!

Um..... hello? Oh well, it's been awhile since my last post, and I'm not sure if I'll continue that one nor this one, but I'll try my best, anyway~

This one is just my brain begging for some platonic/non-tragedy Sagau where reader is just like, chilling, and everyone knows they have a creator but don't know the creator is you, and that only the approved one knows that you are their creator.... I felt like I'm going on a loop.

Okay, that's all for now, it's late and I'm tired, I wanted to sleep. Good night.

[spuffybaby]

Time to Heal (1)

I'm writing this mainly for myself to cope with all the post series finale emotions in my system. I've never written Spuffy, I originally come from different fandoms, but in case someone enjoys this, I'll leave it here. Set a few months after the battle at the Sunnydale Hellmouth.

chapter links: (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7)

The moon was bright, not quite full, not yet full enough to worry about, as she walked between the graves, catching a glimpse of a year here, a name there, sometimes she read them, wondered about them, whenever she had a moment. It wasn't like there was much need to patrol, there were few new additions to the cemetery, and the closest Hellmouth was far enough away. It was, however, one of many nights during which she'd thought actual patrolling could give her a sense of duty, something to keep her mind from wandering. During the day, it was easy, doing research, helping newly called Slayers, even with the burden shared, her sacred duty remained. But nights such as this, they'd become frequent than she liked. It had been months since Willow's spell and the activation of other Slayers all over the world, she had taken time and effort to do right by them, to teach those who asked whatever she could, but still, her new way of life, after she had got so used to sacrificing so much of it, she still had not quite managed to settle into a routine.

Dawn had offered to come out with her, but she'd told her sister she wanted to clear her head. Earlier that day, in a coffee shop she'd come to like and visit often, a man had asked her for her number. She'd politely declined. It wasn't like she'd never been asked out, nor that she'd never turned somebody down, but it was the first time since Sunnydale. It brought back the image in her mind she'd managed to escape for a few hours.

Spike. How he stood in her darkened kitchen in her mother's house, his hand on the door knob, ready to accept that then had not been the time. “After this is over,-” she'd said, under her breath, unsure of how to continue. He maybe hadn't heard, maybe hadn't understood, hadn't dared to hope in that particular moment. In her own mind, things could not have been more clear. No, then had not been the moment. Things had happened, she needed time. He needed time. But she could see where they were headed, if things evolved slowly, if they continued to find their way back to each other, without her taking advantage, without him pushing, without her using him as a punching bag, without him just wanting her. They'd been headed towards what she never had thought could happen. And then, Angel had taken him from her. He never had intended to wear the amulet, the same way Spike had never hesitated despite the unknown consequences. Her bloody champion. She never would forget the look on his face, the realisation that she recognised him as the champion, when she handed him the amulet confidently. When she'd led him to his death. She'd seen his soul, felt it between their palms, and yet, he'd died not believing that she loved him.

A loud growl and she was knocked from her feet, falling hard onto her back, gasping for the air that was momentarily knocked from her lungs. She blocked her attacker, her eyes staring into a pair of glowing black ones, the demon above her unlike any she had seen before, she remembered vaguely seeing something similar in the book, hairy, though covered in slime, and she tried to free her hand to reach for her dagger, beautiful silver, a present from Giles. She knocked the demon back and it fell against one of the gravestones, though before she could rise to her feet, make her attack, it jumped onto her again, her weapon flying from her hand, her stake rolling to her side, her wrists restricted by the claws of the demon, her neck exposed as it leaned to bite and she could not break free, despite forcing er full strength against the monster above her and behind it, another approached. She tried desperately to trash against the grip, gasping when she heard a shriek and she could move her arms again.

For a moment, she wondered if she'd been scratched, bitten, somehow impacted to hallucinate, as she could have sworn she saw a white head of hair fly by. No, her mind was playing tricks on her. She grabbed her dagger in one hand, the stake in the other, then jumped to her feet and charged at the newly arrived demon, kicking its face and making it tumble, the element of surprise on her side as she trapped it against a tree, without second thought or strategy plunging the dagger into its neck which made it growl loudly in pain and she pulled the weapon out, stepping back before stabbing it again, twice before it fell motionless to the floor.

She spun around, ready take on the other, a blow to her face rendering her off balance and she fell back, a sharp pain against her forehead as she hit the ground, the demon approaching in her blurry vision. Blindly, she searched for the dagger which could not have gone far, but braced herself for impact, attempting to roll away as she pressed her hand against the throbbing feeling on her forehead.

She thought she was about to lose consciousness when the demon screamed, blood bubbling from its mouth and before she fully realised someone actually had fought alongside her, the demon fell forward by her feet and behind him, a blurry figure stepped into view, extending a hand to her.

Between the blood and the dirt, she smelled something else, something familiar. Her mind was toying with her, she was passing out.

He cleared his throat.

She forced her eyes open, saw the defined jaw, the bleach blond hair she'd thought she'd already been able to make out moments before. This was cruel. She stayed awake, yet she saw him right there. God, what would she have given for this to be real? How many times had she dreamt about this? During the night and during the day.

Her heart sank. Sunnydale was buried and yet, it clearly wasn't over. All that loss, all that sacrifice – had it been for nothing?

“I thought we defeated you,” she spat through gritted teeth. “Haven't you had enough?” She winced in pain at her own voice, her head heavy. She wondered if she was bleeding. At least it could not attack her. And she would not be manipulated. “You don't deserve taking his form.” Tears stang in her eyes, from the pain in her head and from the cruel irony. He'd died for nothing. Here the First was, ridiculing his sacrifice and taunting her in her grief.

“Buffy.” A voice she had not heard for months. It hurt, made it feel like her heart broke all over again. Dawn had said that the pain would ease, but this hurt worse than day two.

“I won't be manipulated. Don't waste your non-existent breath.” She had to get to the other Slayers, she had to tell someone. Things were going to start all over again. She was exhausted. She tried to gather her strength. “Leave me, it's not like you can touch me.”

“Buffy.” He sounded more insistent this time, his hand was still there, close enough for her to take and fingers wiggling slightly.

Her eyes widened. The smell of cologne. The dead demon by her side. With all the strength she had left, she forced her body upward enough to reach for the pale hand, a choked out sob coming from her throat when the cool palm wrapped tangibly around her fingers and pulled her gently but steadily to her feet. “No.”

He drew his hand away as soon as she stood somewhat balanced, the corner of his mouth curled into a half-smile. “I'm real. It's me, Slayer. I'm not the First. And I'm ready to explain. I know you have no reason to believe I'm not... something else. But please... I'm not. Let me prove it.”

She took a step back, brushing her hair from her face. “Am I bleeding?”

He pressed his lips together. “You are, pet. Let me take you home.”

“You're not real,” she mumbled. Maybe she was lying there. She turned around to where she'd been on the ground, half-expecting to see herself in the grass. There was only the body of the demon. “You died.”

He couldn't help but chuckle. “You're one to talk.”

The sound made her tremble. Hell, if it wasn't him, it was doing a good enough job for her to enjoy the moment, to pretend. But she had to know better. “How did you find me? Convenient, you showing up when I was about to become demon dessert.”

“Pure luck, love.” He shrugged it off. “Trust me, it took quite some time. Finding you.”

She opened her mouth, but he cut her off, continued speaking.

“But I'll explain it all, answer any question you have.” He leaned forward, though then stepped back. “I-...” He swallowed. His eyes were tired, but fixated on her face. “I just want to make sure you're alright first.”

Buffy pursed her lips. She wanted to wake up. Her guard was up and she was too cautious to get lost in the mirage. As much as she wished it, she knew it could not be true. What if she pretended for just a little while? How bad could it get?

He sensed her hesitation. “Hey.”

She sank to her knees, saw him follow without missing a beat, the leather pooling on the ground around him.

“Look at me.”

She did as he requested. His eyes were so familiar, surely no one could copy them exactly like that, their intensity, their unique depth that had never failed to make her heart skip a beat when she looked directly into them.

“Your last words to me were...” He paused. “You told me you loved me.”

“I-”

“I'm not done. I just want you to know it's me. So we can get you somewhere safe. Don't want you to be go anywhere alone in this condition.” His eyes remained on hers. “The night before, I told you I was terrified because of how we spent the night before. And then we did it again that very night. I left and you said that maybe after the battle...”

She hadn't imagined it. He'd heard it. He'd taken it in. He was here. Spike.

He rose to his feet again, the leather duster shuffling. He held out both his hands and she took them without hesitation that time, letting him pull her up.

“You don't have to trust me. Let me just get you home for now.”

Buffy took a deep breath, knew she should not stare at his face any longer. She could no longer fight it. She deserved this, hallucination or not. “Okay.”

A small smile played around his lips, relief in his eyes as she moved. “Lead the way, pet.”

[ladylooch]

Best Thing I’ll Ever Do - Lio x Savannah (Part 2)

A/N: Since you all asked soooo nicely! Here is the next part of Lio and Sav. I hope you all are having wonderful Sundays. I love you... remember that when you read this next part.... 💀

Word Count: 4k

Part 1 | Part 3 | Part 4 |

January

Since that day in Southern California a year ago, a lot has happened for Savannah and Lio.

First and most exciting, a large 5 carat diamond weighs her left hand down. She still feels like she needs to pinch herself to make sure it isn’t a dream. Savannah Miller is going to marry Lio Meier next Summer. 

Second, she is no longer with the Devils. After the previous season ended, she evaluated her goals and felt like she wanted to do something different than what she had been doing. She wanted to be her own boss and see where her content career could take her rather than being constrained by a team and a league that wanted things done a certain way.

Third, and probably most important of all, she’s been to more doctors visits in the last year than she can count on any of her appendages.

Lio kept his vow to her to utilize the Devils resources to locate an endometriosis specialist who would give Savannah answers and a better direction for her wellbeing.

Dr. Barnes was the first one they met with and Savannah instantly knew things were going to be different this time around. Dr. Barnes had a kind, empathetic, and solutions driven focus that made Savannah feel at ease immediately. She listened to Savannah’s entire story, took down diligent notes, asked follow up questions.  Within the same appointment, Dr. Barnes created a multilayered, holistic care plan, taking into consideration that Savannah did not want to go right to surgery.

The first thing they decided on was to take out Savannah’s IUD and switch her to birth control pills. There was concern the IUD was rubbing against portions of endometriosis which was exacerbating her symptoms. Savannah did feel better for a few months, but by month three, she was back to clutching her abdomen in the fetal position for days. They pivoted the treatment plan to a different kind of pill that other patients had success with, but when Savannah ended up in the ER again early in the summer, throwing up and passing out from the pain, it became clear that surgery was going to be the only option Savannah had for long-term relief. 

The day of her surgery, Lio kissed her in reassurance, then waved goodbye to her as she was wheeled out of pre-op and down the hall.

“I’ll be right here with you when you’re done, baby.” He had called to her before the doors separated them. Savannah nodded, trying to be brave for herself and Lio. Last time, she had to do this virtually alone. Her boyfriend at the time had shown up after she went in for surgery and then dropped her off at home before heading out with his friends for another round of golf. Her recovery was completely isolating except for a neighbor who checked in on Savannah once a day at Savannah’s request.

Lio Meier would never. 

Instead, he had a recovery suite set up in their bedroom for her. A quiet oasis where Savannah could relax and heal in her time. He has been there every step of the way, even at the moments when Savannah has pushed him away. She may be used to dealing with this alone, but Lio won’t let her go through this that way anymore.

Two weeks after her surgery, her and Lio went back to Dr. Barnes to get the findings of the surgery and tissue analysis. The news were mixed results. The good news was the spots they removed were consistent with Savannah’s previous surgery, meaning there was no new or extended growth in her endometriosis. The bad news was this confirmed that surgery is only successful for a limited amount of time, meaning Savannah will likely need several more surgeries down the line if this path continues for her. Dr. Barnes has encouraged Savannah to sit with this news and consider further permanent solutions such as a hysterectomy.

“What are my other options? I’m not ready for that.” She had asked with Lio’s hand tucked tightly against hers. His thumb stroked over the tendons on the top of her hand with assurance. He was here; they would get through this together.

The other recommendation was to go back to birth control, but a Progesterone only option. Dr. Barnes was shocked when Savannah said this was never given to her, even as a first line of treatment. It’s been four months now and Savannah has been feeling better than she could have imagined with her endometriosis. However, a severe drawback is that her pain has moved from her uterus and formulated in her head as three day long migraines when she is at the end of her cycle.

Everything costs something. That’s been the biggest lesson Savannah has learned through this journey.

But this weekend, none of that matters. Because Lio has a whole trip planned to celebrate his beautiful, strong fiancé, finally having answers and support that she deserved all along. He has been wanting to do this for months, but Savannah didn’t want to leave home until she had a clear understanding of how managed her endo was after surgery. The last thing she wanted was him to put together a perfect trip that ended with her in the ER from debilitating pain again.

Savannah is confident that won’t be happening this trip. She grins, feeling grateful for the peace of mind she has going into this fun weekend.

Lio’s Porsche points towards the southern tip of New Jersey. They are 2 hours into their 2.5 hour trip down to Cape May. The vastness of the ocean hints to their left off the Garden State Parkway the closer they get to town. Lio drives, tapping his thumb on the steering wheel to the beat of the pop song coming through Savannah’s Spotify. His other hand is on her thigh where she traces his fingers and the veins of his forearm.

“I wonder how busy it will be.”

“Probably not bad. School is back in session after winter break.” Lio reminds her.

“I’ve never been here in the winter months.”

“My mom took us down here a few times. It was mostly before the twins though.”

“How do you even remember that?” Savannah asks, looking over at him. He shrugs.

“I remember a lot of what we did with my mom. She was great at making it feel like we could still have fun even with how often my dad was gone.” Lio starts to chuckle. “Also I definitely pushed Livy in the ocean and got yelled at by my dad on FaceTime, so it was memorable.”

“Lee!” She chuckles. “You were terrible to her.”

“I know.” Lio cringes. “I’m trying to make up for it, okay?” He says as he takes the exit to head more east into town. 

They pull up to their airbnb, which is modern, but still a cozy cottage right on the ocean. They unpack their things, then walk into town to grab lunch at an all day breakfast diner. Lio needs a heavy, protein packed lunch with how hard he has been grinding this season.

“Did you come here as a kid too?” Savannah asks Lio as he looks over the menu in the blue booth.

“Yeah, but usually when we were with the Hischier’s. Mama and auntie had a hard time getting us all to behave when we were together, so we didn’t go to many upscale places.” 

“So basically you and Lucie would act out.” Savannah fills in the gap.

“Mack would too. She was wild as a kid. It wasn’t just us.”

“But mostly.” Savannah gives him a look like ‘don’t even pretend’. 

“Yeah, it was mostly us.” Lio laughs, then thanks the waitress for both of their coffees.

Lio nudges the bowl of cold cream packets towards Savannah. He likes this shitty, slightly burnt diner coffee black. A smirk stays on his lips as he reminisces on his childhood. He knows he is lucky to have grown up the way he did with such a strong family influence surrounding him. He opens his fingers up towards Savannah, taking her left hand in his. He strokes along her massive engagement ring, satisfied with where their life is going. 

“I’m really happy, babe.” He murmurs to her, then drags his gaze up her body to her stunning blue eyes that still make his heart skip a beat when they’re looking at him. 

“Me too.”

“I can’t wait to marry you.” He smirks.

“Make an honest woman out of me?”

“I think by marrying you, I’m doing the opposite.”

“You’ve cleaned yourself up quite nice, Mr. Meier. I’m proud to be your wife.”

“Only cause I had a good girl on my side.” He strokes his fingers up her forearm, watching the goosebumps that form along her skin at his gentle touch.

“Maybe I’ll be your good girl tonight too.”

“Better be. Didn’t bring you all the way down here to not get lucky.” 

“You’ll be very lucky by the end of this weekend.” She assures him. She grabs his fingers, bringing his wrist up to her mouth. She kisses his pulse, then moves to the side so she can suck some of the meat on his arm into her mouth. 

“You don’t need to eat, right?” He asks her, eyes smoldering across the table like he wants to toss her over his shoulder and walk back. She chuckles.

“I assure you I am hungry.” Lio groans, but so does his stomach, reminding him of the fuel he needs to take care of her the way he wants.

With that in mind, they both order. Savannah gets a classic breakfast- eggs, bacon and a pancake- while Lio gets steak and eggs with a side of hash browns. As she eats her first few bites, Savannah’s mind wanders back to Lio as a child, running through this restaurant with his siblings and cousins, probably driving their mamas crazy. Savannah thinks about how wiggly and impatient Stella Wood has been since she met her. She laughs outwardly.

“What?” Lio asks around a bite.

“Just thinking about how crazy it would be if Stella and our kid was tearing up this place like y’all used to.” Lio pauses mid-chew, looking over his fiancé to check in on how he should react. “I’m okay that we aren’t going to have that.” She says to him truthfully. “I like quiet breakfast with you- here or in bed. And getting to take naps in the afternoons whenever we want to and changing plans last minute to fly somewhere for a two day getaway.” She takes another bite, then continues after she swallows. “This journey has been so hard, Lio. Really hard and a lot of it really is stemming from how bad the physical pain has been. It’s made the emotional pain that much worse.” He nods in understanding.

“It’s exhausting to be in that much pain, babe. Especially with how little the world understands about how debilitating internal conditions can be.” Lio certainly understands that after his past concussion issues.

“Yeah. I feel so at peace right now. I want to live in the joyful moments that we are having without the anger and frustration of the things we are never going to have. Living there means I won’t ever live comfortably in the present. I don’t want to miss a moment of our life because of things I can’t change.” Lio drops his fork, grabbing her hand again and giving it a squeeze.

“I love you, babe. I’m so inspired by you. The way you have been handling all this is admirable. I wanna be as resilient and reflective and accepting as you.” Lio murmurs, then kisses her hand. 

“I was none of these things before you.” Savannah tells him honestly. “You’ve changed me too, Lee.” He smiles, a slight tilt up to the right corner of his mouth. “I believed I was broken and weak. Through the last year, you’ve shown me how strong and whole I am by loving me in every moment, even when I didn’t want to love me. You didn’t advocate to those specialists because you wanted to fix me. All you wanted was to give me back the life Endo had been taking from me.” 

“You’re perfect, baby.” He reminds her as he always does. “All I care about is going through life with you by my side. Everything else is just noise.” 

Savannah grins, then releases his hand so they can both go back to eating.

“Good. Now hurry up and eat. I wanna be your dessert.” 

- - -

March 

“Brrr!” Savannah exclaims as her and Lio shimmy into the lobby of Lucie and Connor’s high-rise condo building in Greenwich Village. “It’s supposed to be spring.” She grumbles as Lio leads them to the bank of elevators. 

“Yeah, what the hell is that?” He mumbles, a shiver rolling his shoulders up tight towards his ears for a moment.

“We should go back to Florida. Sweating my ass off at Disney was better than this.” She mentions, referring to their Allstar vacation from last month with the Woods.

“Your hair was so cute down there. You should do it curly like that more.” He chuckles, throwing an arm around her waist to pull her in for a smooch. “Smelled like coconut every day too. Reminds me of the Bahamas.” Savannah moans in appreciation as Lio sucks a slice of her neck into his mouth.

“Now that was a good trip.”

“Kid free too.” He chuckles against her wet skin.

They love their niece, but having their vacation determined by her schedule is not Lio’s favorite way to unwind in the middle of the season. Savannah and Lio already decided they were going to do their own thing for next Allstar break, granted that Lio isn’t actually at the Allstar game next year. This year the festivities were in Florida, which allowed them for a few extra days in Orlando with the Wood’s. Next year is in Seattle. Not quite the same experience.

“The way Stella kept getting you to do the tea cups with her though. That was so cute, babe.”

“I still feel like I’m spinning from that. I don’t know how she was so normal about it.”

“Stella is always twirling around in her own little world. Of course she was fine!” 

The elevator opens on the floor of the Wood’s condo, so Lio and Savannah step out.

“Are Mack and David coming today?”

“No.”

“They hate us?”

“I don’t know. They’ve been shut-ins since Mack returned from Turcs.” Lio gives Savannah a look. 

“I want their life.”

“No you don’t.” Lio laughs. “They’re crazy.” 

They get to the familiar steel door. Lio knocks briefly before grabbing the handle, opening it and walking into the apartment.

“Uncle Lee Lee!” Stella screams as she launches herself head first into his legs. Lio braces himself, putting a hand where it is needed most to avoid the direct head butt to his jewels. 

“Stelly!” He shouts back, swooping her up once it is safe to do so. “How is my favorite Wood?”

“Annnnnnd no steak for Uncle Lee.” Connor jokingly notes at the door where he is wearing his heavy duty, canvas cooking apron. He adjusts the leather neck strap as the couple walks in.

“Steak, eh?”

“Big ol’ Porterhouses for us.” 

“Nice.” Lio grins, bumping knucks with him as he walks into the apartment with Stella. Savannah has already floated in, bringing the two bottles of wine in for her and Lucie to get started on. 

“Good! I brought red wine!” Savannah announces. 

“Can I have some?” Stella asks, never wanting to be excluded ever, even from adult things. Stella and Lio come to rest next to Savannah with Lio leaning a hip into the counter beside her.

“No, silly.” Savannah chuckles, swiping her index finger down the little girl’s nose. “But I did bring you a special drink too.” Savannah pulls out the pink lemonade from Trader Joe’s that Stella loves along with a glittery pink tumbler she had to grab for her from Target’s $5 section.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! Can I have some right now?! Mommy please!” Lucie looks over her shoulder from where she is putting together the salad. 

“Sure, baby.” She agrees. 

“Luc, you are working so hard. You absolutely need wine right now.” Savannah exclaims.

“I’m sticking with water tonight.” Lucie chuckles. “But feel free to have a little extra in commiseration with all this hard work I’m doing over here.”

“Yeah, working real hard over here now.” Connor teases as he struts into the kitchen. He pats Lucie’s butt, then kisses her cheek until she turns to kiss his lips. They linger there together, smiling into their kiss like they’re the only ones here. “She forgot to mention the nap she was taking before you two said you were on your way.”

“I am doing important work, Cap.” Lucie swats at his hip as he walks away.

“Yeah, you were the one keeping Stella in line earlier, with drool dripping off your face.”

“Look, she mostly takes after you, so you should have to deal with her.” Lucie grabs the bowl, walking it over to the table. 

“Yeah, sure that rebel phase you had doesn’t show up in our daughter at all. Speaking of taking after me, we better get you into something more comfortable to eat. Otherwise we’re gonna spill all over this pretty dress, huh?” Connor says to Stella, picking her up. 

“No, I’ll be good!”

“You know the rules, baby.” Connor nuzzles his face into the crook of her neck, making Stella squeal at the facial hair tickling her soft skin. They disappear down the hall, Stella’s giggles following the entire way.

“So how are you guys?” Lucie asks as she washes her hands in the island sink. 

“Good! We’ve been busy.”

“I know! I can’t believe we haven’t seen you since Florida.”

“It has been crazy. I have had so many brand meetings and content to film. Plus, Lio was on the road for almost two weeks.”

“Do you miss it?” Lucie asks, walking to where the wine glasses rest in the bar by the dining room table. She comes back with a glass for Savannah

“No way. I like sleeping in my own bed way too much.” Savannah says after pouring herself a bit of wine. “Do you want some?” She asks her husband already knowing his answer.

“No.”

“Lee, do you even drink anymore?” Lucie asks genuinely.

“Not really.” Lio shrugs.

“He will have whiskey when we are out to a fancy dinner, but otherwise, no. I don’t even see you drink beer with your dad anymore.” Savannah says, rubbing at Lio’s back as she talks. He puts a hand on the back of her chair, enclosing her into his body, right where he likes her.

Out of her room, Stella comes running down the hallway to the three adults. Her dad trails behind casually with his hands in his pockets. 

“Look at me! Look at me! I have something to tell you!” Stella yells at her aunt and uncle. 

“Oh, well okay then.” Savannah laughs, turning her legs towards Lio to see her. Lio turns towards the little girl too, taking in her new outfit. She has on jeans, bright purple socks and a pink t-shirt with glittery, bold letters that spell out her new title: Big Sister.

Savannah freezes. Lio fingers drift from the back of the chair to squeeze her left shoulder, even as he grins down at their niece. A silent announcement that he is here for her in this moment.

“What does your shirt say!?” He exclaims. Stella screeches excitedly, then bounces up and down.

“BIG!!!!! SISTER!!!!!!” 

“And that’s you!?” He pokes her belly, making her collapse forward, hands on her belly button as she laughs so hard she can barely breathe.

“YEAH! Mommy is having a baby!”

Unexpected buzzing rings through Savannah’s ears as she attempts to stay grounded in the moment. Her hand falls from around Lio’s waist as he swoops Stella up onto his hip again, giving her a big hug. Savannah’s eyes trail away from Stella to Connor who is sharing an adoring look with his wife. Savannah turns to look at Lucie, the mom to be again, who is holding out an ultrasound picture to place in Lio’s extended hand.

And it hits Savannah all over again, as overwhelming as the first time she felt this.

Her and Lio will never get to have this moment in the other direction.

They will never get to hold up an ultrasound picture with their baby growing in Savannah’s body. 

They will never get to cheer and hug and cry excitedly with them about their baby. It will always be someone else’s. 

Never. Hers. 

A tidal wave of grief Savannah hasn’t experienced in a long time rushes at her. A sob gets caught in her throat. Stella looks over Lio’s shoulder at her, confused.

“Auntie! Did you see!?” Instinctually, Savannah nods, licking her lips. Her eyes drift to Lio and there it is: the pity. And the worry. And the ‘are you okay?’ In his eyes that makes her want to throw up. She looks away quickly. 

“I’m…” Lucie starts then fades off, looking at Lio with concern. “I’m sorry, I know this is probably hard to hear for you. We wanted to tell you privately in consideration…”

“No! What? No, absolutely not! Please don’t apologize. I am so happy for you! We are so happy for you! That’s all I feel right now. So happy.” She finishes with a whisper, rounding the counter to give Lucie a hug. The two women collapse together. Lucie hugs Savannah hard, making it increasingly difficult for Savannah to keep all of her feelings locked away in her chest.

“You’re okay?” Lucie asks quieter, just between the two of them.

“Stop worrying about me. Congratulations! When are you due?” 

“September 3rd.”

“Long, hot summer mama.” Savannah smiles like she can relate somehow. But she can’t and won’t.

“Yeah. I didn’t learn from last time.” 

“How are you feeling?”

“I was so sick until about a week ago. Still tired though. And then as you saw, I have the best support system in my husband, so loving and wonderful, as he makes fun of me for it!” Connor laughs.

“You know I’m teasing you, baby.” 

“I grow his child; he gives me crap for sleeping…” Lucie smirks, watching as Connor narrows his eyes at her.

“You know I take care of you.” He says, pressing his palms flat on the stone of their kitchen island. He sets his gaze on her, challenging his wife to say otherwise in front of company. 

“Yes, you do. Couldn’t do this without you.” She murmurs truthfully. 

“I should have brought champagne.” Savannah says, then looks down at her glass of red wine to continue collecting herself. 

“How about when she is born you bring me some in the hospital? Sneak it in for me.” Lucie smiles assuringly at her. 

“Another girl?” Lio gapes at Connor. “You are so fuc- well you know what.” Lio corrects himself to avoid having to pay up to Stella’s Swear Jar. Connor widens his eyes and nods. He holds up two fingers then circles towards Lucie. Yeah two Lucie’s will be an exciting life for the Wood’s.

The group moves forward, discussing the various topics that come up when you find out a new baby is joining the pack. Mack, David, and Sophie don’t know yet, so Lio and Savannah agree to keep it quiet until told otherwise. Savannah tries to participate in the daydreaming about what is to come for their little family, but her heart isn’t in it.

It’s on the floor, shattered like glass, ready for another round of glue and duct tape whenever she can gather the courage to put herself back together again.

[sunspill]

Hi I'd like to take back every nice thing I said about my surgeon.

This is a venty and /lengthy/ post about my experience with an accelerated emergency hysterectomy (<2wks from diagnosis to surgery). I'm adding a cut in case medical stuff is triggering for anyone or if you're like "I've heard enough outta you about doctors" (understandable).

I'm struggling to sleep rn in a hospital room so I'm venting to distract while I wait for my nurse to check in with me about more morphine.

So my gyn and my surgeon are the same person, an OBGYN in San Francisco. He was the only would who could see me after multiple ER and 2 urgent care visits for severe pain in my abdomen. Eventually the ER orders an ultrasound. a surprise vaginal ultrasound that I was not informed would involve insertion of the wand into my vagina until the tech told me to take off my underwear. They had told me it would be a stomach ultrasound to look for masses. I'm still... unhappy about this. It hurt and the tech was like "all women get these its fine". Anyway, I had one moderately large fibroid and possibly scar tissue and smaller masses.

Sidenote: I'm not sure if i have ever felt being viewed as less than human more in the ER. Downplaying my symptoms, telling me the ER doesn't dispense pain medication (which they later did multiple times), that fibroids don't cause any pain, accusations of drug-seeking, and multiple insinuations that I was pregnant or otherwise lying. One such accusation was a question posed to my partner about if we ever had threesomes with men or if maybe I cheated on them and contracted pregnancy or STD. Oh and when I got diagnosed they didn't say "it's fibroids" they said "there's at least one tumor in your uterus" like ! Why would they say it like that?? Every nurse was pissed to be there and I strongly believed one of them hard painful pricked me in my wrist instead of my elbow because they were annoying I was sobbing in the room outside the nurses lounge. When my partner confronted them about that choice they were like "well we can remove it but you won't get fluids or meds then". It hurt for 2 days afterwards. I had been to urgent care and the er previous to this and had no issues with the inner elbow.

I called gynos all over the place but no one else except this doctor, lets say... Dr Yan, could see me within 3 weeks. My PCP refused to provide pain management and I had been out of work for a week and half, returning to the ER multiple times because I was screaming in pain for hours. The ER would prescribe a small amount of prescription pain killers, I would try to make them stretch, and then I would have to return to the ER. I was bedridden from pain. Planned Parenthood couldn't help with treatment but told me based on the ER imaging I might have adenomyosis, for which the only "cure" would be to remove my uterus, removing just fibroid is much more difficult with adenomyosis.

So I was desperate and Dr Yan was willing to do a hysterectomy as well as willing to push my insurance company to get it done fast as I was pulling no income - I ran out of PTO after a week of calling out. I felt I needed it fast and it started to hurt more whenever I ate or drank. He somehow got it moved to yesterday.

But he was awful. He wouldn't give specific answers to my questions, he barely walked me through what the procedure entailed after my partner pressed harder, and kept saying it is a very common procedure that is easy and not painful.

He lied to me, saying I'd be home the same day and a nerve blocker administered during surgery would keep me numb for two days. The recovery nurse told me that's not true. He insisted that pain would be minimal and his patients were fine with otc pain management. He said it needed to be abdominal, which I have since learned is not the case and is the most painful and longest recovery time for hysterectomy

The only thing he reiterated and talked about was how I would be unable to get pregnant, which was the only thing I *already* knew. 

He did one physical exam during initial appt which was pushing on my abdomen, ordered no additional imaging or appts, and literally disappeared into another room while my back was turned signing forms. I had to sit in the waiting room for another 20 minutes to get him to sign insurance and leave of work papers.

He was 20 min late to my pre-op appt and his office had no idea why. he performed a pelvis exam on me, externally and then inserted his fingers into my vagina for an internal exam without telling me. I had never had a pelvic exam before. It hurt enough bc he did not use lubrication. My partner confronted him angrily and he said he knows what he's doing and the exam was over anyway. He told me again the surgery would be simple.

I woke up screaming in observation, where i was given Tylenol. The surgical nurse lied to me and said they had already called my partner. After an hour of pain they moved me to a recovery room, where I had access to my phone and called my partner, who had not been contacted and rushed over. I was alone and crying out in pain.

The nurse told me that they could only give me Tylenol because Dr Yan had left the hospital without putting in orders for me aka authorizing use of moderate to severe controlled painkillers. They said as soon as they could get him on the phone they could give me something for the pain because I had been given 4 grams of Tylenol and couldn't have more. Dr Yan never answered the phone.

I am not joking when I say this next part, because I was able to track the time through my chart just now to get exact numbers and times. I came out of surgery no later than 800am. In a recovery room by 9. I screamed, absolutely not an exaggeration, I was crying out and sobbing and could not think, I was sweating and my entire body was shaking. I was dry heaving and spitting up bile, which made the pain worse. I don't remember anything except the pain, although apparently i did say some funny things to my partner coming down from the general anesthesia (thought we were in grocery outlet).

At 2:14 the hospitalist gave up calling and admitted me, transferring care away from Dr Yan. At 4:45pm they administered a very lose dose of morphine, and I finally stopped screaming. It was still very painful, and my partner timed me - I would sleep for 1-7 minutes, then wake up crying out in pain for 3-10min, repeat. The nurse told me I would receive stronger pain management when I had a room.

At 430pm they transfered me to my room, which involved the transport guy hitting my bed against the counter. The transfer from bed to bed was so jolting I started screaming again, which lasted until 445pm, when they administered triple the dose of morphine given earlier.

This has been the most painful experience of my life. The Dr said no more morphine and would administer those opiate pills cut w ibuprofen or whatever. They would give me just enough to cut my pain back from 10 to 6/7, then make me wait until 10, then make me wait crying out in pain while they got the dr to put in an order for more. It was like reps of a gym set except the absolute worst pain based version.

Around 6pm, my partner advocated aggressively as my pain was only receding to a 8 or 9 and I could no longer nap or drink water due to the pain. My muscles were so clenched I tore my paper gown. The nurse (who had seen all of this go down and was b attentive) recommended to the dr that I receive straight oxycodeine via IV. My doctor, who saw me once when i was transfered which consisted of introducing himself, said I didn't need such a strong medicine and I should take tramadol instead.

The tramadol had almost no effect, and I was then told I couldn't have the oxy because I had gotten the tramadol instead. By 630 I was at a 10 and screaming again. The dr ordered a lidocaine patch (no effect).

At 655 a new dr replaced the previous and immediately ordered dilaudid. My pain finally dropped to a 5.

At 830pm guess who fuckin shows up in my room. Dr Yan, who's like "you don't seem in pain" SIR I HAD SO MANY DRUGS INSIDE ME AND I WSS STILL AT A 5. And I needed two people to get me to the bathroom (5 ft away). He shows me a picture of the biggest mass, says I'm fine, offers no explanation for why he fucked me over so badly, and leaves. I should have demanded information but my throat hurt from crying and screaming and I had only slept 2 hrs in the previous 2 days.

The recovery nurse apologized profusely to me and said she believed he had been grossly negligent. The anaesthesiologist came and told me my body eats painkillers and anesthesia with a strong natural tolerance, and that some of the refusal to give more or stronger dosages was probably because doctors basically read charts, and would see that I had been administered a lot already. They would then decide that was enough based on what they believed to be averagely appropriate. Even tho I have it documented from his hospice ICU care notes that my dad had a similar tolerance. The recovery nurse agreed as she had been observing me, administering the meds, and see my-clearly-caused -by -pain symptoms continue.

The night nurses and doctors have been better. I got some more morphine just now, and a sleep aid that didn't work but I appreciate they tried to address that issue.

Anyway jeez if you read everything you deserve a medal. My memory has been very poor due to drugs and pain so I've been trying to work out a timeline of what happened. I know it's kind of a baby thing because no one attacked me and I don't seem to have surgical complications and after all this the hospital is sending me home with opiates, but I feel kinda shell shocked. It felt crazy to be lying in the hospital screaming in pain for hours and hours just for someone to come in every hour and say their hands were tied even tho the hospital is the only place for strong pain relief that isnt like, street fet. I removed an organ, I knew it would hurt, but I've never in my life experienced anything like that. It was worse than all other pain I've had combined. I thought i was going to die.

Anyway the nurse is giving me Ativan! I hope to rest now. Cross your fingers for me and stay away from DR YUAN DA FAN OBGYN SUTTER HEALTH SAN FRANCISCO.

[itspdameronthings]

Benny the Rookie Pt.1

Summary: At long last! Finally finished it! Tale of Benny as a rookie cop. Story follows him visiting his young wife. Sweet moments followed by some smut. no minors!

Benny’s point of view:

Hard to believe that I'm a cop. Okay, I just graduated last month. Rookie? Haven't been one since I was a teen. Training wasn't that bad. Runnin and shit piece of cake! Shootin no problem. Codes? That was a bit of a problem. I got it down when I remembered how I used to study in the Army. Another plus? Get to see my wife.When I go to the hospital after dropping off a punk to be checked out. Hard to believe that Gracie Garcia is my wife. Took Pope a long time to accept us as a couple. Oh how he fought tooth and nail to keep us apart. Want to protect his baby sister. Have been in love with her since.. She was 18 yrs old. I was .. cough cough 24 at that time. Age is a fucking number. Now.. she is an ER nurse who gets to see her from time to time. Oh I love to see her in action. Love it even more when she patches me up. So gentle with me until…. She finds out how I got hurt. 

Grace’s Point of view: 

Slow night in the trenches. Boring! Nothing to do but to do is either do chart review, practice on stitches. Until I hear a family voice. Oh that sexy, southern drawl . Exting exam room 1 see my poor Benny! Arm bleeding! Rushed over,” Oh Benny! What happened? “ Look into my brown eyes. Taking a deep breath,” You are gonna kill me.”  Oh I hate when he says that! Seems like every fucking time those words comes out of his mouth. Means two things. One he might need stitches,or two have to admit him. Hope option two doesn't come into play. His partner helps me to exam room 1. Moved my mess on the exam table. Meaning my laptop,and charts. Benny sits on the table trying to act like he is so mighty. Looked at his partner,” I know you don't know me very well. Gonna cut to the chase. If there is any lying

  on how this injury happened? I'll make sure you get the most ruthless doctor to tend to you. Got it?” His partner nods,” understood. See we were chasing a suspect down an alley. Benny here climbs a wired fence. As he comes down. He scratched his arm. Now.. if you excuse me. Have a call to make.” Closed the door so no passerby can see what I'm doing. Stood between his legs while pulling down his shirt so I can see the injury. Not a bad scratch. Sadly he needs a tetanus shot. Oh how he hates them. Looking into his beautiful blue eyes as our foreheads touch,” Glad you are okay baby. Hate to see another gunshot wound on your perfect body. Since you are my last patient for the evening. We can get out of here. Go home so I can properly clean your boo boo.” Benny is lost in his own little world when he holds me close to him. Breathing in my special scent of lavender and gardenia body spray I have on. Kisses the tip of my nose,” Love that idea sweetheart. Glad we have the same day off. Have plans for us. Can't tell ya . Would be a surprise.” Love to know the plan is,but he forgot about the get together at Santi’s . Kiss his lips as I leave to get his shot,” Forgot about one thing. Dinner at..” Benny moans as he lays down,” Ya, forgot. Hope he behaves himself. “  Return moments later with the shot. Told him to sit up ,and wiggle his as I administered the shot. Placed a bandaid on the site,” All better handsome. Now.. if you excuse me. Need to change. Meet ya outside so I can give ya ride to the station to change.” 

Both of us arrive home. Got take out. Too worn out to cook. Rather be in bed with my husband than cook.bodies hurt to no end. After a nice shower. Both of us got ready for bed. Wore one of his worn out tees. With a nice surprise underneath. Moments later after turning the light off from our master bath. Moonlight shines on his necklace. Dangles as he looks down at me. Love how his blue eyes sparkle with so much love. Nose touched. He leans forward,” Love you so much, rose blossom. Only person who can keep me from goin down the deep end. So beautiful. Need to kiss ya now.” That's what he did. Kiss nice and slow savoring each kiss like it was our last. Till sitting up long enough to remove his tee. Laying down again,” Make love to me Benny.  Nice and slow.” Benny leans forward to kiss me again. Tongues danced followed by him holding my hands above my head. Mouth on my neck.Working his way south. Stops for a moment to shimmy off his boxers. Oh love his perfect body. So eagar for his long cock inside my body. Wait till I'm begging for it. Want it now! Continues on using his mouth to work on making me squirm. Lowers his hands as he pulls me up to his chest. He wants my legs around him while grinding our bodies together. Feels like I'm in heaven! Till I feel my back touching the softness of our sheets. Legs spreading apart till I feel what I'm in need for. Long , thick cock inside my body. Arched my back to enjoy the nervana of being taken care of. Slowly his body moves while kissing me. Want to take care of him like he is doing to me. Upon saying that. Tell me he is taking care of me. Continue this dance till feeling cum dripping down my legs. Benny collapsed on top of me. Rubbing his sweaty body. We remain like that till we fall asleep.

Benny’s Point of view: 

I'm at peace. On cloud nine. Soft hands touchin my back. Slow circles she is drawin. So lucky to marry my angel. Dreading the dinner at Pope’s not ready for anymore of his shit! Thank goodness for his mama being there. Need to straighten the shithead out.