#after hs i just never wanted to read anymore

[ragnar0c]

I have to the read gideon the 9th so bad. I loved the characters and the descriptions but my brain fog (?) was so bad. I can read, like I prommy, but with longer more detailed works I often have to take a break and look up what xyz means, reread sentences... that sort of thing.

I thought reading more would help, but it's so troublesome I just... end up reading other things.

It makes me usually focus on shorter, clearer writing... makes me feel like a hypocrite too bc I'll have trouble reading some of the most coveted longer text but I'll read like. 10 million smaller simpler things. Which looks the same length as the coveted text... and you know maybe it is, but it was easier to process 😭

[thinkingboute]

masks | harry styles x model!oc

summary: Carolina Saraiva, 20 year old supermodel, has fallen into the dark. looking into the mirror, she hardly recognizes herself. At Vanity Fair's new masquerade ball, she embarrasses herself in front of one of the most famous men of 2014---Harry Styles. Chaos ensues. For many, many years.

part 2 here! and part 3!

warnings: mentions of drugs, disordered eating, vomit, anxiety, claustrophobia, (eventually sexual content but be patient friends)

a/n: I have been writing fics for myself for ages and I had an idea for a little HS series the other night and felt the need to share. Wrote this in one go and did no editing. I never read OC fics. Why am I writing an OC fic?

word count: about 1.5k

Every camera flash seemed brighter and more obnoxious than the last. Lina thought she’d have been used to the visual assault, but she was wrong. 

She’d been wrong a lot lately. 

Vanity Fair’s first ever masquerade ball drummed up quite the ruckus in the few months since it was announced. Of course, her management was thrilled when she received an invitation. At just 20 years old, Carolina Saraiva was a modeling sensation. At 18, she opened the Victoria’s Secret show, walked for Dior and Prada, and graced the cover of British Vogue---soon to be American Vogue, if her team had anything to say about it. She blew up so quickly, it was as if she spawned into superstardom in a mere moment. 

“The next Gisele,” her mother said wistfully after seeing her Vogue cover. “I have never been happier.”

Lina, however, had certainly been happier. In fact, she had never been further from happy. Joy was a limited resource in the modeling world; one that had been used up long before she took her first headshots. All that remained was coke, tequila, and passing out in the bathtub. Not that she partook in all those things exactly.

Only two. 

She was sure the cameras would catch her exhaustion, blinding light illuminating her dark circles, hallowed cheeks, and heavy lids.

Is Carolina Saraiva Bringing Back Cocaine Couture?

Model Down: Fresh Face Carolina Saraiva Faceplants on the Way into Vanity Fair’s Latest Party

Coke-alina: Brazilian Bombshell is Strung Out at High Profile Event

She was sure the tabloids would have their think pieces on the health of supermodels and their drug usage by sunrise. She didn’t bother with the coke rumors anymore. It’s not like there wasn’t validity to them, really. Lina wasn’t doing coke, but she was one of the few. 

“To your left, Carolina,” one photographer called out, stirring from her daydream. Lina whipped her head around, hair cascading down her back, and shot the man a wide, dimpled smile. More cheers erupted. For once, Lina was glad for them; they confirmed to her that her mask---the metaphorical one---had yet to slip on the outside. The real one, large and feathered, actually did seem to be sliding down her nose. She charmingly pushed it back up, eliciting laughs from the eager-to-please paps swarming her. 

A strong hand made its way to her mid-back: Darren, her security. She leaned back into it, grateful for the support. He took her small handbag from her without even a glance. She smiled her first genuine smile in a long time. She was prone to losing every bag she carried. With a half-hearted wave behind her, she made her way through the large, iron wrought doors. 

The opulence of celebrity events still floored her, even years into her career. There was a time, so distant in her memory, when she would have slashed, bitten, and crawled through fire to be in this position. Now, she would give anything to leave. 

Where else would she go, then? There were times before that she missed the tranquility of her family’s ranch in Florida, or the warm mornings in their family home in Sao Paulo. 

These days, Lina couldn’t think of anywhere she wanted to be. 

Darren’s hand dropped from her back, causing her to stumble at the loss of support. She surveyed the scene, eager to find a back door or balcony for fresh air. That was one thing New York lacked. 

Instead, her eyes caught a tall figure, adorned in pale pinks and gold jewels, with a dress whose hoop must’ve added at least two feet to her radius. 

Behind that bejeweled mask, the woman’s eyes caught Linas. 

“Oh, my goodness, you lady of the night!” Gigi exclaimed, shuffling as fast as she could through the crowd to grab Lina’s hands. They both looked down to examine her dress. The blackish blue, corseted, tulle ballgown was vintage and, for once, Lina couldn’t remember the designer. The silhouette was historical, remanent of Victorian style pieces. Alongside the dramatic, feathered mask, she was reminiscent of a ghost. She laughed to herself. How fitting.

Mustering up her most genuine smile, she said, “You look like a princess!” Gigi smiled at that. Lina really meant it. Gigi was always happy, it seemed. She was more human than any other girl she’d met in the industry. 

They looked around the room, startled as the chandeliers shut off dramatically. A sort of eerie light filled the room from some other source. It was as if there was a nightclub in the 1800s. 

“It feels like I left 2014 the moment I got here,” Gigi whispered. Lina was inclined to whisper, too, with the atmosphere changing so quickly.

Before she got the chance, deafening bass filled the room, shaking the floor. Gigi waved in apology as she was pulled by faceless hand back into the crowd. Lina could have thrown up right there. Her eyes set on the bar, she pushed her way through the crowd. 

Sweat seemed to fog up the room, humidity surely ruining her freshly blown out hair. Each time she found a pathway through the gyrating bodies, an arm or leg or ass threw itself in her way. The room that seemed endless when she first walked in was no larger than a corridor now. Worse, a coffin. She was panting. Another woman stepped back into her path. Lina threw her hands out towards her, shoving her back into her dance partner who was clearly on another planet. She heard a distant ‘augh’ but could not find it within herself to care. She was having a hard time finding anything within herself. She couldn’t remember the last time she ate something. 

The bar came into view, or really, the crowd the engulfed the bar came into view. She shoved into two men who leaned casually on the counter. A drink appeared in front of her, and she was inclined to take it. 

Turning around to lean her back against the cold marble, Lina closed her eyes. She downed the drink and handed her empty glass to one of the men standing beside her, who slid his hand along her lower back. Saliva filled her mouth. Slapping a hand over pursed lips, she ran towards what looked like a bathroom.

She tried to slam the door open, but barely had the strength to push it open. Her steps were uneven. Her head was in the toilet bowl before she even realized she found a stall. 

After retching for what felt like an hour, Lina attempted to stand, but her ankles gave out under her. Yelling out in frustration, she slapped her hands on the toilet bowl for leverage. 

Hands washed, she leaned on the cool countertop, looking up at herself in the mirror.

Hair frizzed on top, lip gloss everywhere but her lips, darkness beneath her cheekbones that she knew was not from her hour-long stint in the makeup chair---Lina looked in to her eyes, hidden behind the mask, and cried. 

The door shot open behind her, followed by a long sigh, followed again by a yelp. 

Lina’s head shot back. There was a man behind her. Because she was in the men’s bathroom. She was sure she would vomit into the sink.

“Oh---oh my god. I’m so sorry, I could’ve sworn this was the men’s toilet, Niall that absolute fucking bastard.”

Lina’s head whipped back just before bile filled her mouth. 

“Holy shit, are you alright?”

Lina took a deep breath. “I’m perfectly fine, thank you.” She had never sounded less fine in her goddamn life. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…” her hand swiped around the counter for a handbag that wasn’t there. 

Fucking Darren. 

“No, no, why don’t I go, yeah?” the man said, coughing to cover his laugh. “I think you might need…to be here more than me.”

“Nope, nope, I’ll be going,” Lina whined. 

“Actually, why don’t I just grab someone for you. You come here with anyone?”

Lina could not remember Darren’s name at the moment. 

“How much have you had to drink? Or have you…done something else?”

“Are you asking me if I’ve done coke tonight, Harry Styles?”

Lina turned to look at him fully. He wore an all-black suit with satin flower details along the lapels. His mask was simple, matching the detailing of his jacket. Behind it, green eyes above pink-flushed cheeks looked her up and down, stepping back as if to avoid another onslaught of vomit. 

“No. I mean, yeah, sure, if you have, but I don’t mean to assume anyth---”

“No. I have not. Why does everyone think I do coke?”

Harry looked at her once again. 

“I mean---”

“I am not typically puking in men’s restrooms.”

A laugh. “Never said you were, Carolina.”

Oh. 

“You know my name.”

“Hard not to. Can’t escape your face if I fucking tried.”

“You want to escape my face?”

“Never said that either, darling.”

Oh.

“I think maybe I should go.”

Harry’s teasing smile became a grimace of concern. “At least let me get you a cab.”

Lina shook her head, the room shaking with it. “No, no, if you leave, they won’t let you back in.”

“I’m Harry Styles. Sure, they will."

“How presumptuous.”

A shrug. “Just saying.”

Lina swipes, once again, for the handbag that isn’t there. Harry’s eyes widen slightly. “Go find whatever bastard you were moaning about earlier. I’ll be fine.”

“Come on---” But Lina had already pushed passed him. Back into the sea of people. Back into that coffin of a room. 

a/n: please let me know if you want to see more of this!! I will write it anyway but I'm curious lol

part 2 here!!

[yandere-daydreams]

Oh god that gojo age regression post is like one of the most unhinged scenarios i've read so far... like the fact that what if he did meet you in his late twenties and you're not even a sorcerer yourself and just some random person who he he came across after a mission, who he instantly attached himself into because you're the first person in years to ask if he is okay? And his deluded mind just instantly came up with all sorts of scenarios where you are his hs girlfriend/fiancee/etc? Omg 🤯 delusional gojo is 🥹👌

tw - kidnapping, unhealthy relationships, unhealthy coping mechanisms, implied non/con, age regression (?).

i can see him using any relationship with a non-sorcerer to do a little 'civilian cosplay', if that makes sense, so him not only pretending to be normal and untraumatized, but pretending to be a normal, untraumatized, and at an age where he can remember being happy in a totally uncomplicated way with some helpless little thing he kidnapped is an extension of that. you'd be his security blanket in any scenario, but like this, he's free to convince himself that you went to the same high school, that you two stayed up late watching shitty movies and cramming for finals rather than hunting curses and training to kill, that you've been dating for just long enough to still blush and feign protest when his hand slides under the skirt of the uniform he found in a thrift store earlier that day. it's a fantasy he can slip into when one of his students gets hurt, when he sees a head of black hair out of the corner of his eye or Nanami reminds him they aren't teenagers, anymore. he'll get his hands on an old copy of your yearbook, use every scrap of information as fuel for the little den of delusion he's made with you, and if you don't want to deal with the condensed layers of trauma and disillusionment that make up gojo as he is now, you'll help him pretend that all the things that led him to needing an emotional-support captive never happened. even if that means smoking like a ninth-grader who just got your older cousin to buy you a pack for the first time, again.

[avonne-writes]

it’s not on the prompt list but how do they each initiate sex, how are they different/similar. Like will Gale come to Bucky and cuddle/ does Bucky just start taking gales clothes off.

Thank you for the interesting question! 💕

HS AU

In the early days of them being sexually intimate, there's often some sort of wrestling / tickling / biting going on, and it's usually up to Gale to pull Bucky into a kiss and stir things in a more serious direction.

Later on in their teens, Bucky tends to ask verbally, a bit childishly, saying "do you want to...? 😏" or just telling Gale his mom is not in the house. Gale is all about tentative touches, like running his fingertips over Bucky's stomach or nuzzling his neck, and when Bucky responds with interest, Gale once again settles it for them that yes, they’re doing this. It’s also a clear sign if Gale takes the hair tie out of his hair or takes it off his wrist during a makeout session.

In college, they’re not shy about sex anymore. Bucky usually just pounces on Gale, kissing him passionately and running his hands all over his body. Gale is extremely good at giving Bucky lustful looks or sultry kisses to his hands, and Bucky rarely needs further invitation. They’re having sex all the time during this phase, so there's little need to verbalize it.

After college, they calm down a bit, plus their jobs exhaust them, so they talk about what's on the table a lot more. They know each other so well that there are few things that would embarrass them. They can comfortably ask "can I eat you out?" or say that they want a blowjob etc. Gale is more likely to just try to provoke Bucky into touching him, but he also talks more than before.

Reverie

With a few exceptions when he's feeling confident, Gale almost never initiates in this AU. His version of possibly initiating sex is making the conditions suitable for something to happen (e.g. prepping or tidying up the bedroom or - like in the fic - finding a place with a bed). But then it's all up to Bucky. Gale doesn’t want anything given to him unless the other person wants to give it of their own volition. The most he'd do is point out that the opportunity is there (e.g. in the last chapter, he points out the first aid kit). But he responds eagerly if Bucky takes the opportunity.

Bucky usually asks verbally. He’s not shy about discussing sex. He’s also good at reading Gale's clues when it comes to this.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for cutting my best friend out of my life after she gets married?

Okay so my best friend (F23) and I (F23) have known each other since preschool, though we haven't gone to school together since then. We've always been into the same things and it's awesome. We don't live near each other, but we always video chat at least twice a month, generally every week, since we were in 5th grade. We've only ever had one big fight. (I came out as bisexual in hs, she was a homophobe. We didn't speak for 6 months, then came to an agreement. I'm still bi and we go to different churches so im already a sinner for that from her pov. it works. She's more accepting now.) Anyways about two yrs ago she met a guy (M25). She didn't tell me until they'd been dating for a couple months. They got engaged last winter. I met him the next day. Since then, I haven't spoken to her once, in person or via video chat, without him being there or showing up. Since she met him she quit engaging in any interests we shared that he didn't, even before they were engaged. Most the texts I get from her are about this guy or his pets or his family. I think I know more about him then I do her some days. We never chat one on one. We'll go out for lunch and she'll bring him. We'll video chat and he's right there. And she tells him everything - even things I told her in confidence. And I can't even tell her I'm upset because he's always there! He reads all her texts! He doesn't seem like a bad guy - he does really love her, but I just don't have much interest in him. I'm an introverted autistic and I just don't like most people. He treats me like I'm already his friend and they constantly invite me to hang out with them but I just want my friend. I already agreed to be her maid of honor and the wedding's in less than a month, but I'm considering just cutting her out after that. She doesn't feel like the friend I grew up with anymore. I don't feel safe or like I can trust her now. WIBTA for doing this?

What are these acronyms?

[the-s1lly-corner]

spot that meets a autistic reader, that is talkative to themselves, but has poor social skills because (lack of good parenting + bullys, but is very smart and loves art and engineering, and dreams to be a scientist one day.. it could began as the reader first feared him over an awkward moment? to opening up about themselves and the reader's obsessive fascination over him. two very talented ppl that only wants to be appreciated, respected and loved...💔

idk is it to much?? bruh I'm trying to be creative😭 I'd be happy with whatever happens!. aNd TaKe yO tiME!! On irl things and beloved spotty <3

Spot w/ an autistic reader!

Rubs my autistic little hands

Feeling a lil drowsy but I wanna chuck this out before I fall asleep for (possibly) the next 7 hours :3

Not proof read we die like Peter Parker <\\3 we are sleepy and tumblr wont let me save drafts for asks <\3

Obligatory "I like this character so I'm hcing him to be ND like me" touch

He gets it

Anyways

I think to help make the whole thing less jarring, or whatever, is that you may have known each other vaguely before the collider incident

You weren't a scientist at alchemax, more like.

Well shoot I just forgot the term but like, you work there, but you dont do hands on experiments, not experienced enough yet

Intern?

Maybe, idk

Obviously you don't work there anymore after the collider blowing up, so... you're looking for a new job

You knew about Jonathan, but you weren't friends

You had also heard rumors about what happened to him but you kinda dismissed it as cruel rumors surrounding his death.. I mean no one could've survived that explosion.. right?

So imagine your surprise when you end up almost getting robbed by spot

Can you blame him? He hasnt found another job since the accident and hes probably living off of pity handouts; likely homeless

Now hand over the wallet!!/j

No but on the semi likely chance that you manage to defuse the situation, given Spot sucks as a criminal, you just bluntly ask if the whole

Rumor thing is true

I mean obviously it is but confirmation is important

After a few more chance encounters, you guys both finally decide to properly sit down and talk

Its tense and awkward at first since 1. How does one even act around someone like spot? He's vulnerable but also trying to do the whole. Revenge thing... And 2. Hes desperate for human interaction and it SHOWS, it's almost uncomfortable actually

But you both trudge past it and make it work

One meet up turns into two then three; then you discover how much hes struggling and

Now you're roomates

Oh my god they were roommates/ref

Anyways, that's the set up!! It kinda felt wrong to just. Jump into it without some explanation on how yall end up in the same area consistently

Doesnt mind that you mumble to yourself, he probably does the same thing. From muttering things to keep his train of thought to having a personal monologue, I wholeheartedly believe he does the same thing

Hs understands how it feels to be. Not treated very good, he likely wasnt the most respected in alchemax so it's not uncommon for the two of you to have vent sessions where you both let it all out

You ask him about his journey to becoming a scientist and not so subtly ask for advice on how to get into the field; and touching onto the whole human interaction thing, hes more than willing to talk your ear off about his entire career history

On the chance you dont want to do physics stuff, and you wanna do another branch of science he's all ears on listening to you ramble, may even lend a hand in getting you to where you need to be career wise

Yall do at home experiments as bonding stuff

Look if spot can make a mini collider in some building then I can only imagine the type of shit yall get up to at home

Oh? You're still curious about.. him? Of all things, him?

He never thought anyone would look at him with interest; usually its disgust or fear, or both

Hes hesitant at first because what if you discover something that'll totally change your view of him?

Takes (some, a little) coaxing

Bro caves fast, he misses physical touch

"So like, these holes-" you proceed to just. Dip your entire fist into a hole and watch said fist pop out from another hole

The demons are telling me to make reader like

Make it a game to try to throw stuff through his holes but I feel like that would be really mean, no one likes stuff getting thrown at them

Please dont throw stuff through his holes :(

Random but like

Idk if this happens with yall but

If someone stims do yall. Like stim back

Like I have vocal stims and mess with my hands; and sometimes my friend will be prompted to stim if I stim??

Idk but yall do that

OHOH before I post this if you're both comfy with physical touch please please please hold him, it's been so so long since someone has hugged him and he really really needs it :(

[thatneoncrisis]

20 questions for 20 writers!

tagged by @waitineedaname thxx

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

21 works, i feel like thats a healthy number

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

i have 439,385 words, a very large chunk of that is from We Have Always Lived in the Apartment

3. What fandoms do you write for?

right now its the locked tomb, used to be homestuck, i have some crossovers with the magnus archives and one with john dies at the end

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

We Have Always Lived in the Apartment -- TLT horror mystery modern au

Insert Jesus Allegory Here -- solkat focused continuation of karkats pesterquest route, i NEED my new fics to get more popular than this oh my god

Gehenna the First -- TLT houseswap au with harrow as god

the gap between a tragedy and comedy (in this life its just you and me) -- TLT coffee shop au.

What's Eating Gideon Nav?  -- TLT catholic boarding school horror au

5. Do you respond to comments?

not typically, theres some weird thing with my head where i kind of hate that it counts my comments in the total comment amount. i cant explain it i just dont like how it looks, plus just repeating variations of "thank you!!" feels hollow after a while. im more likely to answer direct questions about the story rather than general commentary i do love talking about my thought process and intentions

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ok so i cant actually tell you this because none of those fics are Done yet but all you need to know is that i consider all of my TLT fics tragedies to some extent. take that as you will. i dont even Like the word angst really it portends a level of melodrama id like to avoid

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I'd say its a dead tie between A Brief Lesson In The Occult and Shit. Let’s Build A Fort. i can barely look at these anymore and if you read them and feel compelled to tell me you like them: dont. i can do better now

8. Do you get hate on fics?

never to my knowledge has anyone ever publicly disliked one of my fics. in fact sometimes i dream about someone posting it in their discord group chat and making fun of it because im so curious about what theyd say

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes i have. i do it almost exclusively as satire or character analysis as i find like, the physicality of sex to be inherently kind of goofy. liek the second you have to describe a dick or boobs with words the magic is gone it just becomes weird silly looking flesh. so i like focusing on weird and bad sex, unsatisfying or clumsy sex. sex that changes you in no significant way

10. Do you write crossovers?

yes i have. A Brief Disappearance and Statement of David Wong are both TMA/JDATE crossovers and i DID write a homestuck/TMA crossover but its not on my ao3 i guess? odd

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no? does that happen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i think once someone asked but i have no clue if it happened

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

@notedchampagne is my co producer in all things forever but ive basically written everything myself and they help polish it up

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

shiiiiiiite uh. jade/davepeta still means a lot to me. i think there are a lot of really engaging ships in TLT but i always kind of default to griddlehark i just kind of understand them the best

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

eventually SAM and i would like to circle back to our fanventure Therapystuck but we both got really busy with school, work and a general lull in the HS fandom. also maybe someday ill go back to Insert Jesus Allegory Here i liked the direction of the story i just have to get myself back in that headspace. being into homestuck Does something to you, like psychologically

16. What are your writing strengths?

after asking some friends theyve told me im good at tone, prose, funny metaphors, and dialogue but a caveat for the last thing as "I have yet to see how your Own guys talk and how you'd handle distinct voices from scratch so I'm only giving you about 80%"

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i hate like. writing Around the important bits of a scene. i love the physicality of characters and what it reveals about them, along with pieces of the scene the narration deems important or interesting enough to mention to the audience. but im always worried im jsut fucking yapping. also i hate like, political scenes theres a rhythm to them that i dont quite understand. people sitting around using specific language that Feels important in a way that doesnt make it clear im bullshitting like 99% of what theyre talking about

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

AHAH. GOD. i actually looked this up the other day because theres an original story i want to write where i want to make it clear theyre basically speaking french the whole time, even though its written in english. i only speak english (i took some french in hs, its left me though i want to pick it up again) so i wouldnt know anything about how it reads to polyglots but i guess theres really only so much you can do outside of literally learning a new language just to write a story for free. ive seen a whole host of tips so i gues sit just matters how you employ them

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Homestuck. my only regret is that i wasnt a better writer

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

FUCK christ uuuuh. favorite right Now would be The Apartment but EVENTUALLY id like it to be Gehenna the First because its the hardest to write and i need it to pay off. if you havent read it uhhh. hi. hello. you should do that. i think its really cool and fun and junk

CHRIST who to tag i dont follow big writers uuuh @tranquilitybasehotelcasino and @accidentallyadorable sure have fun

[fieldsofview]

20 Questions (for fanfic writers)

I got tagged by the absolutely lovely @sarah-sandwich Thank you!!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

17 :)

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

157,867 (2/3 of that is SMH hahaha)

3. what fandoms do you write for?

atm all my WIPs and upcoming fic ideas are Spidey related, but I used to write a lot for MLB and OL:BA (and A:TLA back on ffn in hs but we don't talk about the dark ages hahaha)

4. top five fics by kudos:

Under The Moonlight - OL:BA smutty oneshot of what should have happened after the charity ball scene 😳

Crushtomer - MLB coffee shop AU one-shot with Barista!Adrien and Overworked Uni Student!Marinette (heavily inspired by my barista days in College, when I was writing this) ☕

King Agreste - a MLB AU oneshot inspired by the Grimm fairy tale Allerleirauh "all-kinds-of-fur" 🏰

You Said You Loved Me - an MLB kwami swap identity reveal wip i never finished and probably never will sorry 😬

Spider-Man: Homesickness - My take on what the MCU Spidey's life could be like 5 years post: No Way Home and his journey into letting people back into his life and not being so alone (My CURRENT BABY and WIP that I'm ALMOST DONE WITH - it's so fucking long alskdhasasjdkhksdjhfkfh my hope is that it ends up in the no. 1 spot someday when it's complete) 🕸️

5. do you respond to comments?

So I didn't always, but nowadays I try really hard to respond to every comment thread at least, even if I don't always have the last comment on the thread. I really REALLY appreciate each and every comment and I actually often re-read them when I'm feeling insecure in my writing (is that cringe? maybe lol but it's true)

6. what is the fic your wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely The Beauty of Green. 268-word OL: BA drabble that smacks you out of nowhere in the last two sentences. I never write things that short anymore but it just worked

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

A lot of my one-shots back when I was writing for MLB like 5 years ago have happy endings. I prefer more *complicated* endings now, but a genuinely happy ending can be nice too. May I present Drops in a Pond for consideration though? Not traditionally fluffy or sweet, but I like to think it's a soft and hopeful kind of ending.

8. do you get hate on fics?

I haven't yet. I think I'm too small of a creator to get hate lol

9. do you write smut?

I've posted one smut fic before, Under the Moonlight, listed above. It's my top-rated fic so I guess I know a little of what I'm doing. OH and my side-wip I'm working on when SMH is too angsty for me is all fluff and kinky Parkner smut and I'm so excited to post that someday when SMH is fully out and done.

10. craziest crossover:

I haven't written any crossovers, unless you count pulling from marvel canon across different adaptations to make SMH (it's got Gwen and Harry and Miles even though they're not in the MCU 19999 as of now). But I used to write a lot of aus

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I would be so honored if someone did! I once had a full conversation in the comments with someone in another language by using Google Translate and that was fun!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

I think my writing process would be a little too unconventional to co-write with someone unless we were trading chapters and perspectives. I go back and edit my drafts a lot as I move forward and I would be too tempted to edit their writing too, which feels mean...

14. all time favorite ship?

I LITERALLY CAN NOT PICK DO NOT DO THIS TO ME!!!!! I will be a multi-shipper until the day I die, in basically every fandom.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have an idea for a series of long fics making an MCU HS AU inspired by Degrassi, but I think it would be just too many hours and too many words that I won't ever commit to. I love a good HS AU every now and again, but I feel like a lot of people (across fandoms with hs aus tbh) write the characters as if they already have a lot of the canon quirks the characters have as adults. I would want to write them truly as their HS selves, acting like real teenagers and all the dumb shit teens do, as the reader follows along on the journey of their growing up.

16. what are your writing strengths?

I think I really like detail and trying to portray a level of reality with the characters, even in more fantastical settings. I want the character's choices and motivations to be both complex and clear to the reader, even when they're making choices that the reader disagrees with. I also think this is a skill that is more and more prevalent in my recent writing, so my earlier MLB stuff doesn't have as much of it. My OLBA stuff and now my Spidey stuff though? Yeah.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Staying motivated to finish WIPS. (This is something I've improved a lot on though and at this point, barring some kind of life-or-death calamity in my life, I will absolutely be finishing SMH. I'm literally 120k of a predicted 150k words deep and going strong sooo).

OH ALSO comedy! I'm so bad at writing funny characters and making them actually say things that are both funny and make sense. Sucks when writing Spidey cause he can be such a little shit with his sarcastic comments and each dialogue point takes me 3-5 business weeks to come up with.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I do it very rarely and only when it feels 100% necessary. I had a small bit in Spanish in ch 6 of SMH because Jeff and Rio were literally talking about Peter right in front of him and he could hear the words they were saying, even if he didn't understand them. But it was very brief.

I did it because the POV character literally didn't understand it, so it made sense to have it written out. In fics where the POV character understands what's being said, I prefer it all be written in the fic's primary language, for reader ease.

19. first fandom you wrote in?

A:TLA, like I said. That was back in the dark ages of my Junior Year of HS on my old ffn account that will never see the light of day again hahaha

20. favorite fic you've written?

Every current WIP has always been my favorite because that is what I'm thinking about. So SMH is definitely my current fave. It's my baby and I've put literally hundreds of hours into it (I keep a spreadsheet lol, it's nearly 150 hours of sheer writing, not including the early days of brainstorming and outlining.)

HOWEVER, back in the day, I was really proud of writing Answer Me and it's literally my lowest-rated fic, but I was such a fan of the genre and the Night Circus inspiration. Plus, I love Alya as a character and it was really fun to write from her perspective.

OH, and I'm still proud of Under the Moonlight because it taught me that my acespec ass can write smut and is also good at it, lol. I just have to write smut that's rooted in ~*~feelings~*~ and also has an element of humanism and imperfection. Which is the type of vibe I'm putting into my side-wip rn.

Thanks for tagging me, Sarah!

no pressure tagging: @seek--rest, @abcd-em, @missamyshay, @pbpsbff

[aaeds]

I've had it with HS^2

I don't make fanart or content for this fandom anymore, but after putting on "Let's Read Homestuck" in the background while I've been working I've returned to having a few Alpha kid WIPs. I have also returned to scouring the tags for cool fanart and opinions.

This is not the fandom I remember back when I was reading the comic partway through Act 2.

I cannot say I'm inspired by Homestuck^2, and to roughly quote another user - I don't know who the audience for this comic is for. The epilogues themselves were a disaster and the Candy/Meat timeline idea appears to exist to create even more drama with lackluster stakes.

There's no real clear 'goal' or core to the story besides...the fact there are two universes. And we have Ultimate-self villains.

It reads like bad fanfiction, that's nothing new - the problem is I don't think the authors are writing with irony. The series has turned into a ship-heavy metal bat beating older fans to death with teen drama and character assassination.

The current team clearly has no interest or plans for Jade for example, and in the recent update with Aradia and Robo-Dave discussing time travel - it really seemed like her body being on the floor was an excellent time to rehash several existential conversation points we ALREADY had in the original Homestuck about stable timeloops, dead Daves and how he uses his Godtier powers.

Outside of several unnecessary pages of dialogue, it was disturbing that no part of Ultimate Dave would help move Jade off the fucking floor while he and Aradia sleep in lawn chairs watching her until she became 'The Muse' It is so out of character. Pre-retcon Dave died protecting her body, Davesprite destroyed his relationship with both John and Jade knowing they would be reunited with the 'real' Dave. He was a true knight when he felt it was appropriate and mattered. But now we have a Dave who is back to having an existential crisis about his powers, life and death - and his sexuality. By bringing up dead Dave's Marriage from the epilogues. He didn't even mention Jade by name, presuming the reader read at least the wiki article on the disastrous self indulgent mess.

But that was all he had to say on that dead Dave. Just about not loving Jade. No one else, doesn't even bring up Karkat or Terezi, let alone any of his friends. Talking about Sollux for half a second I'm convinced was just to bring up a failed marriage and apparently 'not wanting to be gay'? This isn't Dave anymore, and if that's the point I want to know why we as readers should care because I promise you coming fresh off Act 6 for the third time these are not the same characters. Davepeta had a better outlook on what it means to experience doomed selves, whether they were chipper about it because of Nepeta's influence is neither here nor there. No matter what Davesprite did, it was in character for what Dave would have done because he knows himself. When it meant self sabotage so his friends could go back to the Alpha timeline Dave, that was a circumstance, and an act any Dave would have made because of the way he thought at 13 years old. That doesn't mean he didn't change, or would never change.

I don't think the furthest ring has rattled the kids in a glass jar hard enough to give them critical brain damage through every doomed timeline that they're different people. At least not in the way Robo-Dave is, or frankly anything in the Epilogue.

I'm done with the writers treating Jade as a dead animal to stuff Calliope into for a milquetoast attempt at a plot device without treating that as a joke in itself.

No Homestuck isn't a serious comic, but there's a reason Cascade broke several websites while Beyond Canon can barely drudge a handful of tagged UPD8 replies. Its audience is small and unchallenged. We don't need to bring back the use of the hard R to be invested in a storyline, but if all you're interested in in a piece of media is gender identity and sexuality well you've got it. That said, neither are a genre on their own.

HS^2 lacks one and direction and it's just going to keep dragging its carcass through the dirt until every unseen pairing in panel is churned through the fanfic machine.

[theha1r]

verse drop (steve winchester au)

things i want to preface this by saying: this is fully me doing my best to make this work as an actual verse despite never having seen an episode of supernatural in my life. please feel free to come tell me if anything doesn't work/make sense. on top of this, this verse does not function as a regular supernatural verse - it is basically a private verse really only open to @milleroptimism & all the siblings & family & everyone else involved in that/that knows about sarah's lore & everything else. if you have a supernatural muse & you're unfamiliar with any of that (which ... you should go follow hayley rn just saying) & you wanna interact with steve, i'll probably just throw his vampire verse at you. bc i simply do not have enough knowledge to give him an actual spn verse - ANYWAYS ALL THIS BEING SAID ...

this verse is basically just - steve still grew up in a town. (small town?). still went through a lot of the same arcs & bs. except - maybe instead of being terrorized by serial killers (main fandomless verse) or whatever the hell vecna & the mindflayer & demogorgons are (st verse), steve & his friends were terrorized by various creatures & beings of the supernatural variety. so he's still got that sweet trauma. still had his 'i was an asshole in hs but became a better person' arc. & ... still was constantly & continuously being left home alone by his parents time & time again. only ever seeing them for maybe a week or so, every several months. maybe even less. & when they were around, they were very far from parents of the year. so all in all, this was what kind of led to him frequenting sarah's spot. it wasn't originally something he planned to do, he just went in once for dinner. or lunch. who knows. then sarah's warm & maternal nature kept drawing him back in, subconsciously craving the love she showed him that his own mother had lacked his whole life. then came steve accidentally calling her 'mom' & him thinking that was the end of it all ... until, it very much was not the end of it all. in fact, you could kind of say maybe that was the end of the beginning. steve found a home in sarah's home. in the winchester home. with more siblings than he could possibly imagine & more love than he could possibly imagine. eventually, he finally fully moved out of his parents place & into the winchester's. his parents were in for quite a shock the first time they actually came home after that. there might've been a fight. but i think it's safe to say steve doesn't really talk to them anymore. not when he's got a safer & much better family. steve definitely helps out at the restaurant whenever he can & is probably constantly trying to make up to sarah for all she's done for him & everything she's brought him. & for the love she showed him that started it all. but being in a good environment, a healthy environment, a happy one, has definitely caused steve to grow to be a lot more well adjusted than he might be in other verses. & has definitely improved his life for the better.

all in all to say, this verse has my WHOLE ENTIRE HEART & if you read this whole entire thing steve & i love you. thank you <3

[au-starss]

alright this is going to be a long one so please bear with me. i'm going to explain where i've been, what's going on, and what the future of this blog is :)

i'm starting this post off with an apology. i basically vaguely announced a hiatus a year ago and dropped from the face of tumblr. i never really meant to keep you all in the dark and i'm sorry for that. you guys were some of the best things to happen to me so for me to drop out like that just sucked, so i'm really sorry

my life has been all over the place is the simple way to explain it. it's funny, this blog was created around my freshman/sophomore year and now i'm a high school graduate as of last month. on top of that, the transition from hs to college has been rough. as of rn, i am not in the financial situation to afford college, forcing me to give up going to my dream college and instead go to cc. i don't mind saving the money, but it's still quite heartbreaking. my friends are also leaving at this time and later, one to my dream college, leaving me to wish that was me. it's a tough reality that i'm eventually going to be able to accept. i now also have a job, payments to make for gas and insurance, and summer activities that have slowly piled. i'm very fortunate to be where i am, but this leaves me to lack writing motivation

this is the position i'm in; i want to write, i just don't know what i want to write. lately, i haven't found much media that has sparked as much inspo as say genshin or spiderman or persona. it's frustrating. i have all of these ideas but can't do anything with them. it's burning me out and i'm at a point where i don't know what to do with my ideas anymore. it's heartbreaking to disappoint so many people, but it's the way things are

i don't know what the future of this blog is. truly. i don't want to sit here and promise all of you who followed me before new genshin content, because that's just not plausible. i don't like genshin impact anymore. after the whole issue with the content creation community and the character designs and all of the controversy, i didn't wish to associate with the game. plus, it just wasn't fun or entertaining anymore. it hurts to say that; i owe a lot to the game. but that's the reality. i won't write for genshin anymore. i went in and deleted a good amount of posts, but i didn't delete my works. i had the urge to, but i didn't. i know those fics mean a lot to multiple people for reasons personal to them, and it would be wrong of me to take that away. that's not what my blog is about

i wish to continue writing, that's a given. ultimately, i might turn multi-fandom. i was kind of multi-fandom in the first place, so this won't be new. what fandoms will i engage in? i don't know. but i like to believe that that is ultimately up to me, as this is my blog that i worked hard to build up. i will eventually create a list of fandoms i write for, when the motivation comes. mutuals, if you made it this far i would love to share my ideas with you guys, should you need them. i have a lot, trust me lol. don't be afraid to reach out :)

if you read this far, thank you. it means you care about me and this blog, which warms my heart. i love you all truly. i hope you aren't to disappointed in this update. i hope you can continue to support my endeavour into new medias. and i hope that you all find your own motivation to do what's best for yourself, regardless of what other people think.

thank you and i love you to the end of time.

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

So I just dropped the OJV Stan Angst, and uhhhh now it’s Kyle’s turn bc I’m thinking about it.

Sorry Kyle (below the cut in case of ed triggers)

So I started the OrangeJuiceVerse timeline at sophomore year of high school bc as I’ve said, ojverse hinges on healing, and freshman year may have been when Stan and Kyle got together, but that was a veeerrrryyy rough year for him. I vague about his eating disorder in some of the fics, but I’ll never go into detail, however, right now, I wanna talk about the moment mentioned here, when Stan references Ky admitting his issues with control manifesting in the form of eating problems.

So during the summer before the boys start hs, Kyle’s super fuckin stressed. Like his dad made one casual stupid comment about how “high school sets the tone for the rest of your life” and Kyle, who definitely reads way too far into the things people say, ran with that. He never wants to fail, at anything, ever. He put soooo much pressure on himself to succeed. Like they aren’t even in 9th grade yet and he’s spending his summer trying to get ahead and the guys are trying to get him to come hang out but Kyle’s so insistent that he needs to be in all the AP classes and already know everything, and he struggles with science but at this point he wants to be a doctor so that’s another stressor, and he feels like he’s running out of time when he isn’t. And he can’t control the feeling of panic, or (this is in his head btw his parents aren’t totally on his ass abt it) the pressure he feels. He’s so scared of disappointing them and not being their Perfect son, and it’s so irrational bc Sheila and Gerald really aren’t trying to control his life, but Kyle feels out of control. So he turns to the only thing he thinks he has control over.

Eating.

And ojv Kyle is diabetic. He absolutely should NOT be restricting his intake or ignoring what his body needs. Plus, he’s an actively growing teenage boy. But he wants to control something. And Kyle is competitive as fuck. He starts competing with himself to see how little he can eat without anyone noticing. He’s so incredibly smart and absolutely knows what he’s doing is wrong, and the rest of the main 5 know somethings up, because Kyle would usually never hesitate to go join them to throw rocks at boats in the quarry, but he never wants to anymore. He skips Randy’s 4th of July bbq that year not only bc he hates Randy, but because all the food there scares the fuck out of him. Stan may not be the most observant person, but he fucking KNOWS his super best friend. Somethings going on, but Kyle waves him off when he asks.

High school starts. Kyle spends lunch period in the computer lab. Then, a few months later around September or October, after school at off season basketball practice, he is feeling really awful, stumbling over to the bench, but doesn’t make it. He passes the fuck out. Do his teammates call 911? Do they call his mom? No. They call Stan. Stan knows Kyle better than anyone ever could.

Like Stan’s just on the other side of the school with his own extracurricular (recycling club) and he picks up the phone like “hey Tolkien what’s up” “it’s Kyle” and he fucking BOLTS and finds his favorite person being held up by half the basketball team while he blinks at them all barely conscious. That’s when they find out he’s diabetic, and they think it’s just that.

Stan absolutely freaks (but in true Stan Fashion, his mantra is “Kyle first panic later”) and takes him over to the locker room, he still thinks this is a normal low, but he senses it’s more than that. So he swings his backpack to the front to grab the juice he keeps just in case and he’s like “dude you’re always really good about keeping an eye on your levels what’s going on?” And Kyle stares at him for a second, and like everyone’s noticed his clothes getting baggy on him, everyone has seen that he doesn’t eat when the guys order pizza while they’re hanging out. But Stan connects the dots finally. “Oh,dude.”

And Kyle, who is the LAST of the 5 to break down into tears, is crying, and he tells Stan that he’s fucking scared, he didn’t mean for it to get so bad, and he’s ranting about how none of his clothes fit him anymore, he’s begging Stan not to tell Sheila, saying that he doesn’t know how to stop, and Stan is so upset because yeah he knew Ky was stressing himself out but not to THIS point. They leave their after school clubs early with Stan making Kyle promise to eat at dinner and not make an excuse to take a few bites and go work on something, and Stan goes home and Sharon is right there when Stan starts crying as he walks through the door. And he tells his mom everything.

A few days later, Kyle’s knocking at Stan’s door. And he throws his arms around him and just whispers “thank you.” Because turns out Sharon told Sheila and the Broflovskis looked into what their son was dealing with and found him an outpatient program, they took him to the doctor and were horrified that he’s so physically unwell, and he’s gonna be out of in person school for nearly a month, but Kyle DOES want to get better. He’s kicking ass in online classes and the zoom calls with his therapist every day are really helpful to break down the motivation behind the ed, and Stan, because he can’t go a single day without seeing Kyle and not having him in the desk beside him his excruciating, brings him flowers from Sharon’s garden every goddamn day.

One afternoon, Stan goes over and they’re in Kyle’s bed, Kyle is a lot better mentally and physically but Stan’s still hesitant bc he’s still a little fragile, but this is Kyle, the strongest person he knows. And that’s when his simp ass is like “dude, I’m so sorry if this is weird, but I’m fucking in love with you.”

And Kyle’s so shocked, bc these two are both oblivious losers and he didn’t know either, but he’s loved Stan right back, forever. “Holy shit you asshole. It took you this long to say something?” “Wait, you too?” and Kyle pulls him close. “Yeah, me too”

Shdgskaljk they’re just holding each other like that until Sheila comes in bc Kyle has a drs appointment (this is when he gets his dexcom) and she isn’t even phased by those two cuddling smh they’ve done that forever she’s just like “oh stanley you’re still here, anyway. Kyle it’s time to go bubbeh” lmfao and afterwards Kyle’s texting Stan from the doctors office like “dude are you my boyfriend now” and Stan’s giggling kicking his feet smiling texting back like “can I be? Really?” “Yes, dumbass”

I love them so bad

[sincerely-krp]

A humble, maybe desperate, request

Hello!

I am writing regarding the whole kji vs hs mods/bbh drama going on in the mewerp community right now. I would like to apologize in advance if my English is unnatural as I am not a native speaker. Also forgive me if I am not sending this where I should, I never had a tumblr blog and I am not too sure how it works.

I am a former member of the rp close to Jongin’s mun and I would like to have a sincere heart-to-heart between me and you guys.

Right now I am very concerned about my friend. Clearly neither side handled the issue well, yes, including my friend, and there were many mistakes that only escalated things into the mess that it became. So I was hoping that now that the incident is over, everyone would be able to close the chapter and move on. But now, I see other people bringing the topic up again and again in this blog. I see people who weren’t involved in the first place coming with their own versions of what happened, ranging from baseless lies to half-truths and quotes taken out of context. All this is only making mun upset again and urges them to respond to everything, even days later, which makes me terribly worried about their mental health despite them telling me they are fine. I am aware that my friend is definitely not the only one hurting from this all, but I am focusing on them because they are the ones I am close to and I see them dealing with it every day. I would like to clarify that no, my friend doesn’t know that I am sending you this message, so this is not me trying to throw a pity party. But at this point, I feel like, as a friend, I need to do my duty and try to step in and stop this madness. These things can have real life consequences, for everyone, that I am terrified to even think of and I just don’t want my friend to get stressed any more than they already have.

So, please, I beg you, from one person just trying to enjoy the internet to the other, please don’t post asks related to the HS incident anymore. Yes, I am aware this is a lot to ask for, I know this blog is dedicated to gossip and tea and it has the right to exist just like any other blog. I also acknowledge that people have the right to express their thoughts related to anything they want without censorship. I’m not trying to dictate what you should do with your own blog that you have 100% the right to run however you wish. I know that your intentions aren’t to hurt anyone irl. I’m not even opposed to reopening discussions about this incident after some time, when all parties have cooled down and can talk about it more objectively. What I’m trying to do is protect my friend’s mental health and hoping that by doing this, other people’s mental health will be spared too. Yes, you can say I’ve reached a point of desperation. I really just want peace, first of all, for my friend; but I also think it would benefit the rest of the rp too if the conversation died down and everyone gets back to enjoying the rp experience. At the end of the day, we all just want to enjoy our hobby and forget about the stress behind the screen. I just think everything has been dragged out way more than it needed to be and we’re not even having healthy discussions anymore, it’s just rants after rants that do nothing but everyone or someone…

As mun’s friend, I will also do my duty and have a serious conversation with them about everything and convince them to close this chapter too and stop responding to messages. Please help me by not posting asks anymore or at least limiting them as much as possible. I am very worried and I just want us all to move on, I truly feel that it’s time for us to close this messy chapter.

I know this is a lot. I know you’re not obligated to listen to me, nor are you obligated to respond. Either way, thank you for taking the time to read my message and please consider my proposal.

I hope you have a good day.

admin note: we will post the pent up hs asks in our inbox right now that came before this to be fair, and reblog this so it remains at the top after!

[osaka-lilac]

okay i’m finally free and can do this tag game cause i was busy sorry for the wait lol

tagged by @killingevie @arodynamics-xo and @formula-red <3333 i love u guys

1. are you named after anyone?

yea! i’m named after my great aunt and she’s pretty cool and she’s super sweet. my full name is a different spelling of alison krauss, she’s a bluegrass singer that my parents like, bonded over. she’s pretty cool actually

2. when was the last time you cried?

uhhh probably when i was still getting over my ex and it was still raw. i got close to it during a rush at work literally today and i had like 5 orders to do alone and i got scared and i just like. profusely apologized for the wait and they were like “well you shouldn’t be alone anyways” and i was like idk sorry i guess

3. do you have kids?

no and i don’t plan to for a long time. i’m literally 19

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

not really? i’m bad with detecting sarcasm a lot when it’s subtle but when you do the whole fake voice thing, then i get it. idk if it’s just the social anxiety in me or what

5. what sports have you/do you play?

so i dabbled a bit in elementary school and middle school but sports have never really been my thing. i did basketball camps in elementary school but i was not good at it, and then i did volleyball camps from fifth grade to seventh grade. i was part of the volleyball team in seventh grade but i wasn’t good and i wasn’t like already part of their crew so i wasn’t treated very well. but i joined tennis in eighth grade and i loved it and i played it up until my senior year of hs when covid cancelled our season. i was more into music, i did band and played french horn in middle school, and have done choir and theatre from fifth grade all the way up to my senior year.

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

i’m good at reading people’s faces. i can tell if someone doesn’t like me even by the twitch of an eyebrow. but usually i notice their eyes and smiles first. windows to the soul, am i right? i’m really bad at eye contact when people are also looking so it’s a bit awkward lol. i also love people’s smiles, and i’m able to match emotions p well

7. scary movies or happy endings?

so i used to be big into happier movies, like i would actively avoid movies that made me feel bad cause i didn’t want to feel like that. but once i took my film class in my second year of college i’ve appreciated movies that make me sad and uncomfortable. there’s so much i missed on by being afraid of feeling bad. i really enjoy psychological horror/thrillers, but i’m not into super gory or jumpscare-filled horror movies. think like full metal jacket, ones that make me feel scared in a tense way rather than just violence, although fmj has both

8. any special talents?

depends on what you call special. i did art for two years for college so i’m not too bad at that. i can sing but i haven’t sung in a non-private manner since high school so i’m pretty rusty. i’m not really that special when i think about it and i’m pretty ordinary. but i can make good coffee i guess.

9. where were you born?

north-eastern wisconsin and i barely have left the state in my life other than week-long vacations to florida as a small child that i barely remember.

10. what are your hobbies?

i still draw in my free time, even though i’m still working through my burnout. i like walking around town and driving for fun, i read and play video games but i’ve kinda been falling out of that. i like animal crossing, minecraft, destiny 2, and f1 21 (the only good one on xbox game pass). but i’m not very good at racing games yet cause i don’t have a wheel, i’m on controller. if you consider my hyperfixations hobbies, im big into f1 rn but in the recent past i’ve been really into total drama island, and mcyt (but i barely talk about that anymore)

11. do you have any pets?

yes! back at home i’ve got two cats named rudy and hermey, they just turned 19 in may and they may sound old but they are still kicking it and oh so sweet. they’re brothers and i’ve had them all my life and i love them. i also have a corgi who’s like 7 and she’s super sweet and bouncy and i love her

12. how tall are you?

5’4.5” ~ 162.5 cm [i tell people i’m 5’5” to fuck w them >:) ]

13. fave subject in school?

i liked art, choir, and english a lot. i actually loved writing papers about things i read and my teachers kept them as “examples” to show future students if they were confused so i take that as a personal W

14. dream job?

if you had asked me this like. 8 months ago i would have told you i would like to be a storyboard illustrator for movies or tv shows and stuff like that. however i am so burned out of everything except mindless sketch studies that i don’t know if i want to do that anymore. i’ve been oddly into engineering lately (literally only because of F1) and even though i didn’t enjoy math as much i’m willing to put it aside and work at it for the sake of a possibility of working for F1 one day.

15. eye color?

green with like. brown highlights. it’s not hazel but it’s also not fully green. i’ve been told i also have blue around the outside which idk about that. it’s like the dark blue ring with green and very little brown highlights.

uhhh i’m a little late to the party for this so idk who’s been tagged and done this already but i’m gonna tag @toffee-and-tandoori , @racingliners , and @tinyweltmeister as well as anyone else who wants to do this :)

[thyandrawrites]

You mentioned being Italian, how did you learn to speak or at least write English so well? Your Japanese translations are also pretty good too! I want learn Italian so what would you recommend that would help learn to read and write another language?

Thank you!

The genuine answer? Fandoms. Really. I've been studying languages for most of my life (english since elementary school, french in middle and high school, german since hs and japanese since college) but so far I've only gotten truly fluent in the only language I didn't just approach from a textbook learning angle. My fluency probably also comes from speaking english the longest, but what really improved my proficiency was consuming and engaging with my passions in my target language. Something that I struggle a lot with is staying motivated in the long run. I tend to run out of steam after a while, and I lose all the progress I made. But fandoms feed on my passions, so engaging with them helps me find the motivation to keep going, while also making it less like a chore that needs to be taken care of.

I was a B1 until I graduated high school, but then I started reading copius amounts of fanfic and meta in english, and began writing my own. Reading taught me a lot of common new words I had never encountered before in my textbooks, as well as several idioms, and the longer I kept at it, the more stuff I assimilated into my vocabulary. I spent a couple of years just reading ff, not thinking I had it in me to truly begin writing in my second language, but then it sort of... Just happened. I got a fic idea late at night and wrote a 6k oneshot in one sitting during an all nighter. The fact that I was tired and inspired probably lowered my remaining inhibitions and temporarily muted that part of my brain that was self-conscious. But suddenly, english didn't seem so scary anymore. When I reread what I wrote the next day, after getting some sleep, it wasn't as agrammatical and terrible as I had feared, and that motivated me to keep doing it. I find that a lot of the time what stops us from improving is the fear of making a fool of ourselves. I also didn't comment on fanfic for years in fear of outing myself, and on the rare occasions I did, I always prefaced my comments with an apology for my english. But when you finally get in the mindframe that people don't really care about any mistakes you might make, it was really liberating. Honestly, just have fun! Who cares! Native speakers make tons of mistakes too! I can see that so clearly now.

This was around the time I got into Tokyo Ghoul meta and timidly approached my first analyses. Meta is fairly different from creative writing, but it also helped me improve because it taught me essay writing better than my english teacher marking my mistakes in angry red. When you're trying to explain a concept so that others understand it, rather than just to get a passing grade, you will attempt to break it down into easier concepts and pace it better, instead of just paying attention to SPaG. This also had the side effect of teaching me how to better sort my thoughts and get them across clearly, which has always been a struggle for me in spoken conversations. My thoughts tend to be messy, and I trip over my words a lot (in my native language too), but thinking about going from point a to point b like I'm writing an essay helps me a lot, personally.

The last step was joining a discord server in 2019. I can't stress enough how language is constantly evolving, and how slang and everyday language isn't something you can passively learn from textbooks or online courses. Those are only good as the foundation of your skills. They teach you the grammar and the basic vocabulary, but then you have to engage with real people, you know? I've always struggled to hold a conversation because I'm socially awkward, but discord is useful to me because it is a group chat, so there is less pressure on my end to keep a conversation going. Interacting with people from all over the world taught me to be less self-conscious about my skills, and meeting people of different age ranges taught me a variety of slang expressions to pass for a not-boomer myself, at least at first glance :'D

Moral of the story, do follow courses and use textbooks (those are important!), but also keep in mind those are not the be-all end-all of language proficiency, like school and academia tries so hard to teach you. If you find yourself hitting a wall and not getting any better anymore, take it as a sign your grammar is good enough to take the next step in your journey. So then, try to think of something you have fun doing. A hobby of yours. And then think of ways you can engage with it in your target language.

I had different phases in my life where I explored various things thay way. I got obsessed with a band in middle school and started watching and rewatching the videos they posted online, trying to understand everything they said. This improved my listening skills considerably. Years later I got really into WoW and I learned vocab by playing it and by looking for tutorials online. If you read a lot, consider looking for titles in that language you want to learn. Stuff like this. Listening to music, watching movies or tv series with subtitles (esp if the subtitles are in your target language too). All this stuff helps a lot! And the added plus is that for however challenging it might be at first, you'll stay motivated because it relates to something you already enjoy

[sweet-little-dude]

i won't say i'm in love

summary: hs hanma and draken are a bit cheesy.

warnings: not very well beta read but half beta read ig! kinda sucks :P

notes: pretty much just me projecting things i can't talk about anymore @appreciatingtokrev (LATE BIRTHDAY GIFT BUT WHATEVER ILY HBD) ps i love awkward romantic teen hanma <3

First kisses are special things.

When you kiss someone for the first time, intentionally or not, it's something that ends up sticking with you for the rest of your life. Every time you kiss someone or every time you think of loving someone, automatically, your first kiss will be brought up in the situation. It can't be helped. So, it's preferred that your first kiss is with someone you love. Someone that you're willing to share that title to.

That is why first kisses are sacred.

And that is why Hanma gave Draken his first kiss.

It was planned out to be a simple afternoon. Hanma would hang out with Draken at his place straight after school as he did more and more recently. Sure it pissed off Kisaki when he had to cancel plans but that didn't really matter to Hanma, what did right now was the blonde boy who he could never get off his mind these days.

He really was the only thing on Hanma's mind nowadays. Just Draken Draken Draken non stop. So every opportunity he got, Hanma preferred to spend it with him. Even if he didn't like him back, his company was nice either way.

Though the only reason however he had not backed off yet was the fact that his crush seemed to have been showing an interest in him just as much, so with the possibility of Draken liking him back, Hanma was confident enough to gamble with the hopes of a relationship in this situationship.

"Cola as usual?" Draken called out from his mini fridge as Hanma walked into his room, "Uh yeah, cola's fine." As Hanma sat on Draken's bed, he was thrown a can of soft drink, Draken sitting beside him on the cushion. "So. Do you wanna watch another couple of movies again or do ya maybe just wanna talk?" Draken asked his company as Hanma flicked open his drink. Hanma took a chug of his beverage to stall, thinking of how he'd want to spend his exclusive alone time with Draken.

"Maybe we could talk a bit? Since we've been watching movies a lot recently." Hanma concluded. From then they merely just bantered back and forth, laughing over stories of their friends and discussing topics in relation to school.

"Okay okay but wait, there's something I literally must ask." Hanma's interest was suddenly peaked when Draken folded one of his legs up to face Hanma. "So- out of all the girls in our two grades who do you find the most attractive??" The question made Hanma nearly choke on his cola. It's not like he could blame Draken for asking, since its not like he knew that he was as straight as a circle, but still.

Hanma looked around in a sudden panic, "Uhhhh not sure- maybe like uhh- Ayari-chan? I don't really know since I don't actually think out it too much, hah…" Draken nodded back to Hanma's response. "Ohhhhh okay okay makes sense" Hanma sighed in relief as it seemed that Draken took his answer just fine.

The blonde sipped from his beverage before boring his eyes into the design of the can, "In all honesty, I think Sano Emma-chan's a real cutie. I'd totally go out with her too not gonna lie."

Wait.

What?

Hanma sat up suddenly, “O-oh! So you have a crush on Sano-san??” He forced a smile, it couldn’t be possible right? Surely Hanma’s fat enormous crush on Draken wouldn’t be crushed instantly by just one girl,,,right?

But Draken just about spat out his drink when Hanma asked that question. “What?! Of course I don’t! This was just hypothetical!” Draken rambled, attempting to defend himself, “Plus his brother is my best friend! He wouldn’t ever let me touch her!” The false grin that Hanma had been straining had slowly melted off his face as he continued listening to his friend, a genuine expression slowly blossoming, “Hmmm I don’t know man, that all just sounds like excuses…” “I’m not even gonna try arguing with you, Shuji.”

Yet the two retreated back to disputing again, in good fun and all. And Hanma definitely hadn’t just continued to aimlessly argue to get his mind off how Draken suddenly used his first name either. Because it was absolutely totally normal between two "bros", of course.

“Ugh fine okay so if I apparently have a crush on Emma-chan, who’s your crush then??” His question made Hanma freeze, was he really asking that? He wasn’t ready for this conversation, especially if it was with the guy he was crushing badly for.

“Oh haha very funny Ken, but there’s no one, seriously.”

“You’re really gonna pull that on me now? C’mon, I see the way you smile when you’re quiet with your ear plugs in, you’re obviously thinking about someone. Hanma- let it go~~” Draken pressed on with a cocky grin as Hanma’s cheeks slowly began to burn, he couldn't believe how oblivious he was.

“No way! If I tell you it could totally ruin a friendship, seriously!” He didn’t want to see any of Draken’s expressions anymore so instinctively, Hanma shoved his face into one of his pillows without a second thought, yet instantly regretted it when the intense smell of his crush hit him like a truck. “Okay okay fine look, I’ll cut you a deal” Hanma peeped an eye up at Draken to show him that he was listening. Draken sighed, “If you tell me your crush, then I’ll let you in on mine.”

Straight away, Hanma pulled his face back into the cushion, there was absolutely no way in hell he would ever let himself hear the one guy he was head over heels for admit to his face that he had a crush on someone else. He was 99.9 percent sure he was certain but he would never ever do that to himself, that would just be way too much. Draken continued insisting over and over as Hanma continued denying over and over, “Shujiiiiii!! C’mon man! I already said I wouldn’t judge you, why can’t you tell me?? What is it???”

“God fucking damnit- It’s because it’s you, you idiot!” Hanma jerked the bolster away from himself as he blurted it out to Draken’s face.

The silence that followed was deadly.

Awkward.

Excruciatingly uncomfortable.

The pair merely stayed frozen, eyes glued onto the other as their skins began glowing redder and brighter by the second.

Yet Draken was the first one to crack, smiling abruptly in a way that Hanma would mistake as unnatural, “That’s…great..?-“

“Nope. Fuck. I knew I shouldn’t have said it-“ Hanma immediately stood and paced for the door, eyes stuck to the floor. He couldn't believe how naive he was. "Of course Draken doesn't like me back." Hanma thought to himself, "Of course of course of cours-"

But he was stopped by a grip on his wrist pulling him back. He didn’t dare look back.

“Wait- Please don’t go” Were the words Hanma least expected in this situation. And yet here he was, looking back at the boy he was falling for, his cheeks a bright red with an expression that showed both longing and fear. "I didn't mean to say it like that. I-" Draken's eyes shot to the floor from either embarrassment or being in search of the right words.

His eyes locked with Hanma's once again, "I didn't mean to say it like that, I mean that I'm really, really happy that you actually feel the same."

Draken's smile was sweet and innocent, but on the contrary, Hanma couldn't believe his ears."

"I'm sorry, did you just say feel the same..?" The blonde nodded back passionately, "Huh.........that's crazy" With his hand still wrapped around his wrist, Hanma sat down on Draken's bed, attempting to contemplate what had just been confessed.

A few (a lot) more minutes passed as silence continued to grow. Hanma sat there practically going through the abyss of his mind pondering what was going on as Draken's eyes darted around the room rapidly in panic. He couldn't stand this silence, especially with the fact that it was never this dead whenever Hanma was around. So when he finally had enough, he stood up and moved to kneel in front of Hanma, grabbing both his hands and holding them in his. He took a deep breathe as Hanma fixated his vision on him, "Okay, look Shuji. Yes. You may find it unbelievable, but yes, I like you. I really really do like you. As crazy as it sounds it's very true and I need you to know that. Because this isn't a prank. And this isn't some set up." Draken gently squeezed his hands as he paused, "Because I actually very much am slowly falling in love with you." He admitted with a sincere grin.

He couldn't believe his ears for one second still. Hanma just continued sitting there, red and in complete shock. That was probably the worst part, when Draken admitted to falling in love with him, he went such a bright red it was laughable. But, if you ever asked him what was really the worst part, he'd say it was the moment that came after that he messed up the very best.

"Can you just kiss me"

Hanma requested bluntly, instantly getting Draken to look at him. "You..want me to kiss you? He blushed slightly, Hanma nodded, gently, he couldn't have been so sure of something in his entire life. So, as Hanma removed his hands from Draken's grasp and moved them along to his shoulders, Draken placed a steady hand on Hanma's waist and the other on the side of his face. They shuffled closer to one another, close enough to the point where they could feel each other's breathes on their skins, something neither of them ever would've dreamt of.

In a moment of stillness, Draken's eyes wandered across Hanma's face, now in much more detail. He noticed how bright purple his eyes really were and the fact his eyelashes were actually noticeably long, he noticed how he had more pimples of the left side of his face over the right side because of his bangs, he noticed how his lips were on the borderline of dry and hydrated, and how his lips were quivering too. Draken also noticed that he loved every single part of Hanma's face. "Can I kiss you?" Draken asked again, nothing more than a whisper, a second, then two passed before Hanma closed his eyes. "...Yes. Yes you can."

Call him desperate, call him too excited, but Draken immediately rushed forward to kiss him, the strong impact much to Hanma's surprise. The kiss wasn't like the movies of course but to both of them, it was just perfect. It didn't last too long or too short. Their lips met, they shifted, and they parted. When they looked at each other, both their cheeks were blushed red and they were both the slightest bit out of breathe. But they didn't care, they giggled and leant their foreheads against each other. Before whispering words they really, didn't dare to dream of before: I love you.

NOTE: the quality of the story dropped so bad BYEEEEE but anyways happy super late birthday ily!!!!! (plsplsplapalpa don't mind how bad it got i'm going through writers block and an episode 🤯🤯)