#after everything i just went through! the hours i just spent doing this very difficult quest multiple times!!!!!

[sunlightontheseaa]

Getting pretty close to the end of odyssey I feel, and jfc the shit i have to go through to keep my idiot asshole brothers alive.

The whole second encounter with Stentor I was like... It's rotten work. Especially to me, especially if it's you. I'll do it but christ alive

And Alexios. Jfc where do I even begin. Im like, you're gonna be my fuckin friend whether you like it or not idc. I love you bitch, die mad about it!

I am dragging everyone kicking and screaming into being a family and it's pretty funny

[oopsdevil]

COD + Tropes (pt. 2)

which trope do they fall into when it comes to you.

SIMON GHOST RILEY + BLIND DATE

"i should be home right now" was the first thought simon had when he stepped foot into that fancy restaurant. the most dangerous man of the country, scared of a date.

in retrospect, he had it coming. he knew he shouldn't have let soap set him up with someone whose face he doesn't even know. and he is already sweating, feeling absolutely exposed without his mask and-

he saw you. and his mind went quiet. his only worry right now is how to be a worthy date for you. and yes, you must think he is an idiot for the way he keeps staring, but he can't help it. for once in his life he begs to whoever is listening: let this go right for me.

and someone must have heard him, because it was the best date of his life since you told him you would have preferred a more casual place. his heart skipped a beat when you mentioned you would cook for him on a second date.

now, he loves thinking about that first date, and how the second one turned into the best first kiss, and how the third one turned into you never leaving his bed again.

KYLE GAZ GARRICK + NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR

kyle was never a clumsy guy, so why does he keep tripping on his porch every time he sees his new neighbor? in his mind, you had to be flawed. something! you couldn't possibly be this perfect right? oh except he knows you are. he really tried to push his feelings, but you won his heart in a very simple way. his cat, peanut.

you should have seen his face the day he saw out the window and spotted his cat, comfortably sitting at your home. he came back later that night, but gaz kept it in his mind. and he started noticing it, the way you leave water for peanut in hot summer days and a window open to enter your room on rainy nights. and he just couldn't help it. after HOURS (yes, hours) of self pep talk, kyle knocked your door, offering a nice dinner and the chance to see peanut's own home.

peanut is delighted, specially because how years later, you brought to your shared place his new orange 'sibilings': bear and willow.

JOHN SOAP MACTAVISH + LOVE CONFESSION

loud, funny, sarcastic, cheeky. that's soap. but johnny's face couldn't possibly get any more pink while looking at his best friend's sister. he has known you for years, spent dozens of holidays with you, shared hundreds of nights at clubs.

i mean, yeah, he felt like ripping his heart out when you brought your first boyfriend for thanksgiving. and he lied once or twice saying he was close to your house to give you a ride. and now... now maybe it's his age, everything he went through pushing him to chase after the only one who ever crosses his mind, and fuck- are your eyes brighter? he didn't think it was possible.

he thought about how to tell you in a million possible ways. and it came flying out of his mouth the second you told him you broke up with your man. you blushed and gave him a peck that stayed on his mind the rest of the night month.

"oh, me and him broke up last june actually-"

"go out with me"

KÖNIG + SECRET DATING

it was a very difficult mission: lots of planning, lots of packing, tracking, unloadings and-

this shouldn't be a problem. it has never been until now, but all he can think about are your lips while seeing you across the room. considering that you are a part of the 141, he barely ever sees you here, your relationship is exclusively civilian. so you both made a silent pact: no personal interact at work.

and it went well!... for like a day. and you really thought you could keep it a secret, but the way he looked at you and how bad you missed each other... you pushed it a little when you decided to let him sleep in your room.

now, it might be your dizzy head after making out all morning, but you forgot a very basic rule in the army; basically, no privacy. the fact that a superior could walk into your room at any giving moment is annoying, but at this point you were convinced the universe just hated you.

your lieutenant, the very overprotective man who took you under his wing, opened the door that very morning. ghost and könig looked at each other intensely for a long 10 seconds.

an hour, a black eye and a terrible lecture from price to simon later, könig still smiled. at least he didn't have to hide you anymore.

JOHN PRICE + LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP

you drive him crazy. he swears everything that comes out of your mouth makes his eyes roll. every petty comment, everytime you put him in his place, how you look at him during reports because you know you make him nervous. he hates when the rest sees the way he can't stand you, and why the fuck do they keep saying is sexual tension? because he gets closer to you when talking? that's purely for intimidation. in his defense, you hate him too! except he has no idea you blush the second he turns around, or how you defend him if another soldier questions his decisions.

feelings hit you both like a train a random night of spring. he heard crying in the hall, so soft he thought he was imagining it. he saw you and instinctively ran to you. in that situation, you just couldn't pretend anymore, you needed a minute to break about everyone and everything that has been pushing you to this moment. he wrapped his big arms around you, giving you the hug and body heat you both have been craving from each other. he internally promised himself to make it right, so his heart would never have to break again at the sight of your tears.

[poppadom0912]

Holding on

Warnings: Guns, shootings, blood/injuries, hospitals and lots of angst.

Summary: When going to visit your older brothers, things suddenly take a turn for the worst.

Submitted by @lokiswife18

A/N: I'm so sorry, this was sent in ages ago but with some free time now, I can finally get all of these done. There's multiple medical inaccuracies so I apologise in advance. I somehow ended up writing over 2k words, so this is a long one. Hope you enjoy this, it feels like i haven't written angst in a hot minute so this was super fun to do. Enjoy!!

Today's dinner had been planned for months now and every single time, something came up and it had to be postponed.

First, Jay was unexpectedly gone undercover, and you and Will didn't want him to 'miss out'. The second time, you were pulled in last minute to supervise the annual school camping trip. The third time Will had been unavailable to what you guys later found out was a massive pile up at the hospital that he didn't reply till two days later. And the other four times after that were all results of mainly your brothers work lives getting in the way.

Today had been the day where nothing would go wrong. You'd all messaged earlier on and nothing had come up to change your plans. There was going to be nothing in the way to stop this dinner from taking place tonight.

The high school you worked at was having their parent teacher meetings today, your last one being half an hour before the reservation Jay booked.

Your work best friend who you always drove with had a later meeting and so you were taking the train, your make up in your bag. Your clothes were good enough for restaurant you three frequented growing up.

Waving the other teachers goodnight, wishing them luck with the remainder of their parents, you made your way to the train station, phone in hand as you updated your brothers that you had left work.

It was dark out, the sun had almost fully set, and it was at that time during the autumn when the sun started setting earlier. But the station was close enough and having a detective as a brother meant that he taught you things that would be useful just in case.

Rummaging through your bag looking for your card, you cursed yourself for how messy your things were and with the addition of your makeup, searching for your card that wasn't in its purse was very difficult.

Stopping in your tracks, you huffed in frustration at not being able to find your card. Taking your bag off your shoulder, you used your dominant hand to dig deep. You definitely put it in this morning, you never left the house without it.

Finally finding the card, you resumed your walking, rounding the corner from the train station when you heard very familiar popping sounds went off.

Ducking around the corner, you stood still as you waited for the shooting to pass. Your hands trembled slightly as you dialled 911.

But before you could press the call button, a wave of immense pain washed over you.

Time seemed to move in slow motion. Your surroundings all started to blur; the shootings no longer audible to as a ringing sound drowned your ears.

Following such intense pain was numbness. Your phone and card fell from hand, pins and needles enveloping your fingers as you lost all feeling in your entire body but your chest.

In the far back of your mind, you could hear Will's words from a night he taught you and Jay first aid. At the distant thought, you tried moving your hands to put pressure on your chest, but nothing moved.

Your breathing was now shallow, gasping out of rhythm the more you struggled. Everything was becoming so blurred to the point the flowers on your dress were no longer visible.

Coughing increased your pain tenfold; blood was now trickling out your mouth. With whatever consciousness remained, your panic sank in even further.

What had been a good day at work and a supposed even better evening spent with your brothers had taken a sudden turn for the worst when you'd been caught in the crossfire.

Here you were, bleeding out in the dark in the middle of the street with no one nearby.

Forming any sort of thoughts became even more difficult the more time passed. While thinking about what was going to happen next, your inevitable thought were your brothers who were completely oblivious.

And they were the last thing on your mind when you were no longer able to fight against your heavy eyelids.

*****

Jay arrived first. Everyone was still at the precinct but after asking very politely, Voight let him off early. Jay was sat at the reserved table for twenty minutes before Will showed up, apologising for his tardiness as surgery ran over a little longer than expected.

They had put off ordering till you arrived, only asking for drinks as they waited for you.

The first ten minutes they simply thought you got caught up with more parents but then ten turned into twenty and they were concerned.

You were usually very punctual so being this late was out of the ordinary but to also not tell them in advance that you were going to be late. Something was clearly wrong.

Confused, they both took turns messaging and calling you, both of which you didn’t reply or answer.

Now they were concerned.

Luckily, all three of you were sharing your locations with each other after leaning from many past experiences. Quickly checking your whereabouts, they found you not too far away from your school near the train station but looking at your movements for five minutes, you remained put.

Without any words, both brothers were out their chairs and apologising to their waiter who had been so patient with them. Getting into Jay’s truck – Will being dropped of by Natalie – they drove towards your location, their concern transitioning into anxiety at the unknown.

It didn’t take too long to get there. Jay parking his truck on the side and Will getting out without waiting for the car to stop.

Walking around the corner, they weren’t too sure what to expect but it definitely wasn’t this.

There you were, unconscious, leaning against the side of a building, legs sprawled out forward and your head tilted to the side, blood trickling out your mouth. Your hands were limp around your abdomen where your floral dress was clearly ruined, drowning in blood.

Instantly, Will sprung forward, kneeling besides you as he called your name several time. You never responded nor did you even move an inch.

“Y/N? You with me?” As Will switched into ‘doctor mode’, Jay wasted no time in calling it in, relaying his badge number and stressing the importance of this emergency to dispatch before calling Voight, knowing the man and a few of his colleagues were still working.

Placing his fingers on the side of your neck, Will tensed up as he felt your weak and irregular pulse. Swallowing harshly, Will took inventory of every injury, not matter how big or small.

He addressed the obvious first, your chest that was still bleeding profusely. Taking off his jumper, he ripped it in half, wrapping one around your chest as tight as possible to try stop the bleeding. You had lost so much already and even with the clothing around your chest, his jumper was already soaking in so much blood.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.” Will apologised before tightening a knot, wincing when you finally whimpered. Your whimper was ever so soft that if he wasn’t so focused on you, he wouldn’t have heard it.

“Hey- Y/N, open your eyes for me please.” Will’s resolve was struggling at the sight of his little sister bleeding out and there only being so much he could do to help. But Jay, he felt even more helpless, standing back only being able to watch as his brother did his best to help with so little resources.

Surveying the area, Jay tried looking for anything out of the ordinary, but it was fully dark now, no people out as they all got ready for bed.

Turning on his phone flashlight, Jay easily caught sight of several stray bullets littering the road and pavement. With this new lighting, you looked even worse for wear, your bloody chest even more alarming now that they could actually get a good look at you.

“Shit. Will what- “

“I’ve got her Jay.” Will said firmly, looking him in the eye but his own were watery. That didn’t assure Jay as much as he wanted it to.

All of a sudden, before Jay could say anything, Will’s head snapped back towards you, his fingers going back to your pulse before moving even more forward, ducking his ear near your nose.

Will’s fast movements could only mean one thing. Before Will could even do anything, Jay already knew what was happening.

You weren’t breathing anymore.

Laying you flat on the pavement, Will winced as he placed his hands on your chest, apologising before he started chest compressions.

Each compression produced more blood, Will’s hands absolutely coated and dropping in your blood. It made him feel sick.

“Jay, I need you to take over.” Will said after some time had passed, his arms slowly starting to aching, knowing he had to take a minute before he could continue.

Kneeling on the opposite side of Will on the other side of your body, Will counting him in before he took over.

As soon as Will’s hands were off your chest, they were immediately replaced with Jay’s, almost as if it wasn’t two different people.

Will’s fingers were sticky, your blood dripping down his fingers, glued under his nails and coating his sleeves. It felt so surreal.

“Alright Jay, swap back with me on three.” Will told his brother after two minutes, not wanting him to get too tired either.

Jay’s hands were in the same state when he stopped.

“Will, its so much blood.” His voice was shaky, reality setting in as Will continued chest compressions when nothing changed.

Will only looked up at Jay with a certain glint in his eyes that he hadn’t seen since their dad died-

“Will she’s-“

The blaring sirens cut him off, blue and red lights blinding them as the appeared around the corner.

Jay got up, walking towards the newcomers when he recognised the cars in front.

“Jay, what happened?” Hank asked, approaching his detective first. His eyes clocking Jay’s bloody hands before asking “Who-“

“It’s Y/N.” Jay said, leading Intelligence and the paramedics towards the scene. “She’s been shot. I think she got caught in a shooting- she’s lost so much blood and she’s not breathing anymore but there’s no culprits anywhere and-“

“Jay, it’s okay, we’ve got this.” Hank physically had to stop the younger man, looking him straight in the eye. “We’re gonna get them, I promise.”

Hank never made promises, it was sworn off by every first responder but everyone knew that Voight never broke his promises.

“Alright Desmond, on my count I need you to take over for me.” Will said, taking charge as soon as the familiar paramedics joined him.

Instantly complying, the paramedic took over the compressions, letting Will sit back on his toes. “We need to shock her, she’s gone without a pulse for nearly thirteen minutes.”

Both paramedics looked up at him knowingly, their sombre faces ones which Will purposefully ignored even with the bitterness heavy on his tongue.

“Will I’m sorry but…”

*****

You were now connected to the portable monitor in the ambulance and to hear the repeating beeps, signalling there was no heartbeat only made things more real. But Will hadn’t given up, even with the sympathetic looks he received from the two paramedics.

Jay had joined them in the back of the ambulance, leaving the crime scene in the capable hands of Intelligence and with the promise that he’d be kept in the loop.

In what felt like recording breaking speed, they arrived at Med. Wasting no time, the stretcher was pulled out the ambulance, Desmond swapping places with Will on top of the stretcher over your body, who now took over the chest compressions.

“Maggie, is Baghdad open?” Will asked, raising his voice as they rolled into the ED, his back to all his colleagues.

“It’s all yours. Connor, Ethan!” The two men were already moving before Maggie had even called out their names.

“She’s been shot in the chest, the bullets still inside. Pulse was weak before it was lost, been doing CPR ever since and was shocked twice in between.”

“How long Will?” Connor asked, looking at the redhead worriedly, eyeing the bloody states of all three Halstead siblings. “Will, how long has she been unconscious?”

But Will never replied. “Ethan, come here and take over.”

The Korean shared a knowingly glance with the trauma surgeon but obliged anyways.

Stepping back, Will stood besides Maggie who was hooking you up to all the monitors necessary.

“The bleeding finally stopped en route.”

“When was she shot?” Connor asked, surveying the rest of your body for any other bullet wounds.

“We, we don’t know.” Will’s voiced cracked from the emotion and uncertainty. “Gosh, it’s been over fourteen minutes since.”

Will physically couldn’t find it in himself to finish the sentence.

“Okay, paddles Maggie.”

*****

Both brothers were forced out the treatment room and Will could not convince Maggie to change her mind one bit.

“She’s in good hands. Ethan and Connor will be in surgery for hours so I need you two to rest.”

Will and Jay were way too tense, their faces grim at the unknown future of their younger sister.

“Let’s wash your hands first and get into a change of clothes.” Maggie was as gentle as she would be with kids, smiling softly as she helped the brothers somewhat get their shit together.

The blood wouldn’t wash away. It remained stuck under their nails, speckles stubborn like glitter. Knowing your blood was on their hands, it was gut wrenching.

Will always kept a change of clothes in his locker. He and Jay rid of their stained shirts with whatever was left in the locker but even in a new change of clothes and washed up, they still felt disgusting.

“Will…” Jay softly called his name, clearing his throat when his voice cracked. “What did they mean about not breathing for more than fourteen minutes?”

The doctor screwed his eyes shut at his younger brothers question. His tone insinuating that he knew but was in denial and wanted confirmation that his suspicions were wrong.  

“There’s-“ Will struggled to face reality, ripping off the bandage for his brother. “There’s a very low chance she makes it. And, and if she does there will be consequences- like, really bad side effects.”

Jay clenched his jaw, turning his head away to look out the doctors lounge window into the surprisingly mellow emergency department.

“We broke our promise.”

“I know.”

“What are we meant to do?”

Several beats passed before Jay received a reply, one in which caused silent tears to finally start falling.

“I don’t know.”

[summermp3]

"𝖨'𝗏𝖾 𝖺𝗅𝗐𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝗁𝖺𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗆𝖾𝗅𝗅 𝗈𝖿 𝗋𝖺𝗂𝗇" (𝗆𝗈𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗇!𝖾𝖽𝖽𝗂𝖾 𝗆𝗎𝗇𝗌𝗈𝗇 𝗑 𝖿𝖾𝗆!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋)

→ in which you and Eddie become rivals after an illegal street race led to you breaking an arm and being locked up for a few months, what happens when he see's you again at one of the biggest races of his life?

Chapter two: DAY TWO

→ wordcount: 1.7k

→ warnings: Strong language, past childhood trauma, parental abuse, reader goes to prison for a little, reader crashes on her motorcycle, eventual smut, minors dni

→ Pairings: modern!streetracer!eddie x streetracer!fem!reader

lowkey boring chapter..

← Previous — Next →

At first, you wake up in a cold sweat. Your eyes dart around to get your eyes to focus on anything that will help ground you from the nightmare, they find a glowing red alarm clock the numbers read; 1:21am. The couch had begun to feel. not so comfortable throughout the night, but Eddie had offered you to stay with him regardless of knowing you for less than a few hours.

So you weren't about to complain.

You had tried getting to sleep again, but after tossing and turning and sighing after the way your back felt for about ten minutes. After a while, you just gave up on your rest and went to get a glass of water from the kitchen instead.

The floor creaked under the sudden pressure and at first, you thought it might've woke Eddie from his own sleep.

Fortunately, there were no signs of an awake Eddie Munson.

The tap water filled in for all the liquid you lost in the night, you now also realize that you could probably see through your shirt. Your feet carried you towards all the figurines on the shelves of the living room, various dungeons and dragons characters, and what you assumed was Lord of the Rings.

They were cute items, and as you picked one off the shelf you began to think how much he spent on an item like this.

"Put. that. down." His croaky voice had scared you so hard, you almost dropped his figure in your clammy hand.

"God...Edd—wait—do you have spidey senses or something, how did you know I was touching your shit." Slowly and carefully, you put his belongings down back on the shelf with all the others.

“My hands start tingling when people touch my stuff." He joked, only then did you take in his appearance.

Curly brown hair in a ponytail, baggy pants, and a tank top that was much too short...it showed a lot to the imagination.

You turn away.

"Couch isn't all that comfortable is it." Was he a mind reader or something? "I've spent a few nights there" he adds.

"It's better than what I'm used to lately, I'm really not in a position to complain." You reassured, turning back around to face him.

"Now...why are your clothes wet?" He rubs his eyes in case he's seeing what isn't there, however...

Your shirt was indeed showing more than you thought earlier, now your chest was almost on full display. "Sweat, it's kinda hot in here." You lie, crossing your arms over your chest to hide your breasts from showing even more. "It's lukewarm at most." He argues, pulling up his arms to show zero pit stains on his body.

"Maybe I have overreacting sweat glands."

"I love how you have excuses for everything, really makes these interactions between us more enjoyable." Eddie walks past, ever so slightly accidentally brushing his hand against yours as he shimmers past the small space to get behind you to the kitchen "I don't have excuses, just...it's...difficult." You sigh, sitting back on the uncomfortable couch.

"I figured that, by the way, you haven't told me anything about you. I took an estranged woman home after meeting her at a bar...For all I know, you might kill me." He grins, taking a cigarette off the marble kitchen counter.

"Mhm, very possible. I'd watch out if I were you. I'm known for being very 'dangerous'" You smile using your fingers for quotation marks.

Ring

Ring

Ring

"That must be your phone." He yawns, pointing to where your phone sat on the coffee table screen down, meaning neither of you had any way of knowing who exactly was calling.

Regardless of how long it rang, you ignored it.

"Avoiding someone?" He sits down next to you on the couch, leaning back on the couch pillows opposite you. "I avoid someone? That doesn't sound like me at all! I'm just talking to my new best friend Eddie...right?" He stares ahead into your eyes.

"Best friend hm? Here I was thinking I actually meant something to you." He passes you the freshly lit cigarette as he goes to open a window nearby. "Oh yeah, you mean everything to me. I love it when they've known me for less than 24 hours, it really gets me going" you joke, speaking seductively.

"Good to know" he smiles and you swear you see his tongue hiding behind his teeth "Now don't kill me, but I do actually have a spare bedroom" Your eyes widen. "You have a spare room and you let me sleep on your dumbass uncomfy couch?!" You yell, Eddie immediately 'shhhhing' you as your voice rises.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to complain?” Eddie tilts his head to the side, raising his eyebrows.

“That was until I knew you had a spare bedroom!”

"Old people live in this apartment building Toots!" He covers your mouth with the palm of his hand, you notice his ringed hand fits perfectly around your face…he listens for any indication of his neighbors waking up.

Although there is nothing.

"Are you trying to get me evicted? Then neither of us have a place to stay." Whispering, he removes his hand and points towards the hallway, indicating he wants you to follow him towards the corridor.

The carpet in the hallway and the wood in the living room are rough on the bottoms of your bare feet, but you’re willing to go through it to have a place to stay and a now…comfy bed.

Eddie stops outside of a doorway opposite his own bedroom, he twists open the door knob. Waiting for you to enter first then flicking on the lights.

“God that bed looks so comfortable Eddie, I'll never forgive you." You mutter under your breath. At first, you thought he hadn’t heard you but you knew he had when you by the sigh he let out shortly after. "I hadn't expected you to actually fall asleep on it." Eddie flicks the light switch so you're both surrounded by the dark.

"Time for bed...for real this time, sweetheart."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say" you fall onto the bed, sighing in actual pleasure of the linen sheets and pillows.

"Goodnight.." he expected to get a short and sweet, 'goodnight' from you, but when he turned around to inspect why you hadn’t.

He’d seen you had already fallen asleep, star-fished on the bed filled with white clean blankets.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

Voices. voices were originally what had woken you, however, the exhaustion of last night drifted you back to sleep fairly quickly, and only woke up when Eddie had thrown something at your sleeping figure.

"Wake up idiot" a hard object connects with your clothed body underneath the blanket covers. "God it's like seven AM!" You groan.

"It's twelve PM—also, you missed breakfast." He states, walking out of the room. Upon inspecting what was thrown at you, your hand directly matched Eddie's motorcycle helmet.

Gathering on your clothes, you walk down the hall to meet Eddie who seemed to be packing away items from the coffee table. "What is this for?" You ask holding up the motorcycle helmet, and then your eyes immediately connect to the kitchen coffee machine. "That is for a motorcycle." He says bluntly, fixing items on his shelf.

"No shit, why did you throw it at me?"

"You're coming with me today; I don't trust you in my house alone." The whirring of the coffee machine drowns out everything else Eddie says. "Sweetheart?" He lightly grabs your shoulder. "I heard you, just thinking," you reassure.

You bring the cup of coffee to your lips and close your eyes in pleasure. "I already have a house...I'll be out of your hair in a few minutes." Holding the mug, you turn to face Eddie, whose expression is unreadable.

"And before you say anything, I'm taking myself. I have stuff to do first...anyway." He slowly nods as you speak. "But thank you for letting me stay last night, seriously I appreciate it more than you will ever know" You stroke Eddie's arm lightly.

"Of course, come back anytime you need a place to crash."

"I'll see you around?" You ask

"Maybe dead in a river somewhere." He adds

You both smile as you walk out the door.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

It hadn't been a far work, around an hour or so.

The house looked the exact same as it had six months ago when you left it, although the grass and flowers were overgrown. It was still home.

Nothing had been locked and the windows had been open the whole time, walking in absolutely nothing had changed and you weren't sure if you would've preferred it had.

Really the only thing that had changed.

Was you.

The electricity and water were still on, meaning somebody must've been paying the bills that wasn't you. The nerves were surging through you, eyes flicking in confusion when the garage door was open at the end of the hall.

Slowly pushing the door open, your eyes widened and your breath caught in your throat.

Your bike?

You were sure it had been impounded months ago by the police, so why was it here and why did it look like someone had been tending to it. Just when you were about to reach out and touch it, almost convinced this was all a dream.

Your pocket vibrated.  

Eddie: make it 'home' safe?

You: yeah I made it to the brothel alright, few cuts on my feet...no biggie.

Eddie: send pics

You: of the brothel?

Eddie: I was thinking your feet actually.

You: "Mr foot-fetish Munson"

Eddie: Mr foot-fetish Munson was my father, please call me Jr foot-fetish Munson.

You: apologies.

Eddie: stay safe ㅤ♡

You hearted Eddies Message

The rest of the night was spent cleaning the house, not that it was messy but just old.

And by the time it was seven pm, your phone vibrated again.

Robin: Party tomorrow...you better show up!

You: I'll try make an appearance.

Having friends was for sure going to kill you.

TAGLIST: @mykuup

[sanjisluvbot]

Isekai Yandere Strawhats x Black Fem Reader pt 6

Masterlist

1 2 3 4 5 6

The battle came and went and soon you were off on the next adventure Punk Hazard. You decided to spend your time bonding with the crew, learning their likes and dislikes that were never shown in Sbs. You also spent more time with Robin in the library, although this time you were more carefully in how you spoke to her and how you picked your books.

Robin was very cunning and she was someone you needed to make sure was completely thrown off your radar. Knowing that Robin also spent her time reading was difficult because that meant you didn’t know when she was paying attention to you and when she wasn’t, especially with knowing she was all seeing.

You started reading random books, books about romance and fantasy and would squeeze one book about the science of worlds every now and then. You made little book marks in all of them just in case she decided to read them when you left the room.

Your theory was correct, you once pretended to leave and peaked through the door seeing her reach over and scan what you’ve been reading. This was very difficult and annoying.

Every now and then you’d cry in the comfort of your bed or when Nami let you bathe alone, you couldn’t help it. Although you wanted to be strong your emotions overflowed when you were alone.

Luffy and Zoro were also more clingy as of late. Zoro was always over your shoulder and Luffy wanted to touch you whenever he could.

This was the first time you’d seen him act this way towards anyone, he never showed the side of him that actually liked women till you came around and that made you panic even more.

Luffy was as charming as they could get in your eyes. You’d been infatuated with him the day you started the series so you were more than conflicted. Would pursuing Luffy work in your favor? Or would you end up being imprisoned with him for the rest of your life?

When you arrived at punk hazard you were irritated, you didn’t like being cold at all so you were cranky.

“ Y/N why are u making that face you looked like that for the last hour”

“ it’s cold leave me alone Luffy”

He laughed and you rolled your eyes while sitting in the cave with the children. When you met up with Law you couldn’t believe your eyes, he was just as fine as he was through the screen. You ogled him blatantly and Luffy started to notice.

He would separate you two if he thought you were too close and make the crew do things to get your attention. Robin would put you in choke holds and rip off your hat making snow fall in your hair. Ussop, Luffy, and chopper would throw snow balls at you and you were getting irritated.

Luckily you got to be alone with Law when you were inside the bunker. After speaking with you he deemed you useful and the two of you were alone walking down those shady halls.

“ Y/N-ya when did you join the Strawhats”

“ I haven’t joined their crew in just.. uhm joining their adventure for right now”

And ear suddenly popped up on your arm, you motioned him to be quiet and he understood. When you got into a room and took a notepad and began writing.

“ Are you with them against your will?”

You nodded

“ Y/N-ya do you know anything about sea prism stone” he spoke up. You understood this was his way of not raising suspicion to the crew as you wrote back and forth on the pad.

Law was willing to help you escape and go back to your world. You kept most things confidential but gave him a rough idea of what’s going on. He wanted to have them think he needed you on his ship during the alliance with the Strawhats.

You ended up explaining to law that you were from another universe where this world is an animated series. You told him everything that would happen during his alliance and his irritation was plastered on his face. While doing this you managed to easily swap out sea prism cuffs for regular ones and were on your way to do whatever he needed next.

Since he would be on the ship with you to dressrosa you would have a lot of time to formulate a plan using secret codes. You were jumping for joy, Law was going to help you ! He was going to set you free of this world and you couldn’t help but smile at him.

When you were finally on the Sunny you spent most of your time with Law. You sat next to him during meals and spoke with him about books you’ve read or are currently reading. The crew was seething to say the least, Law was weary of them as well and tried warning you to be more careful but, it was too late.

When he tried whispering in your ear Luffy nudged his head between the two of you and made himself comfortable.

“ Y/nnnnnnn you’ve been spending too much tim with Traffy spend time with me and the rest of the crew”

“ Luffy you can’t just interrupt a conversation”

“ What could you be talking about while you’re whispering in each others ears”

“ Why do you care?”

“ Because you’re my crew mate and my friend”

“ I’m allowed to have other friends”

He huffed and walked away leaving you and Law to stifle giggles at the obvious jealous captain. You continued talking and his hand grazed your thigh as the two of you got closer.

“ Thanks for helping me”

“ I haven’t done anything yet”

“ yes but still. Without you this would’ve probably taken me months”

you smiled at him and you seen his cheeks softly turn red. Through his not so hard exterior Law was a very sweet guy, you couldn’t help but be thankful that he was someone you can completely feel comfortable around.

Sanji suddenly appeared sneering at him to quickly smiling at you while handing you a tropical drink.

“ Y/N chan I made this specially for you, want to come taste what I’m making for dinner?”

“ thank you Sanji, and of course! I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

The jealously was drooling off of him as he angrily stalked his way back to the kitchen. When he was finally out of view law pulled you close and you felt his lips ghost over your ear.

“ You weren’t kidding when you said they all get jealous. They’ve been starring holes into my head since last night”

You both giggled and leaned into one another. You didn’t mean to get so close to him in a short amount of time, and this is very much putting Law in danger but what could they really say?

You were just friends and it wasn’t like you couldn’t have any.

There were many perks of being Sanji’s little helper, sometimes you got to help and the rest was just you sitting there like a little doll as he spoon fed you dishes.

“ Y/N chan how does it taste? Is it good enough”

“ It’s amazing Sanji, just as anything else you cook for us”

“ thank you, I have a quick question for you”

“ Hm”

“ Y/N chan do you.. like Traffy?”

“ Yeah we’re good friends”

“ But you just met him”

“ Yeah but he’s really nice and I like talking to him”

“ mhm”

Sanji was quieter the rest of the time and it put you on edge. Law was right, you needed to be way more careful when you’re together. Not only could this risk you alliance, it could risk you being brought into his ship.

Over the next few days before reaching Dressrosa you helped him strategize and you started sitting between Luffy and Zoro more which helped release the tension on the ship.

Law’s plan was to get you in the ship by telling them that you were an amazing strategist, which was believable considering you helped formulate the plan for dress rosa. He would ensure that you weren’t sent to Zoe with a note for his crew that you hid in your bra.

The crew was amazed with you, had they known you were this good previously you probably could’ve helped them get back to each other and save ace. The plan was going smoothly but something in the back of your mind made you fear that someone could see through it and foil everything you’ve worked for.

That night you finally sat with Luffy on the Sunny after basically avoiding him and only paying attention to Law and the rest of the crew.

This time he laid his head on your shoulder and snaked an around around your waist that was slight too tight.

“ Y/N.. you aren’t going to leave again are you?”

Tags: @herwritingartcowboy

A/N: Hello, sorry for the late chapters, I hope you enjoy this and the hint of romance I’m trying to throw in. I’m taking requests, and if you have any suggestions for the story as it continues to progress I’m all ears. There will be no update for this tomorrow I will post a one shot though see you all Monday 🫶🏽🫵🏽

[canaidliafail]

Stay grounded pt.4

[ part 5]

streamer abby x streamer reader 🌿 MDI

notes: alright so this was long. almost 4k words if Im right but its cause I had a lot I wanted to say. This episode is a lil more depressing then the rest since I spoke a bit on loss & trauma. I hope you don’t mind that and still enjoy reading it 🤍 it does end on a very positive note though :>

CW: trauma and mentions of loss of parental figures, sexual content, alcohol usage and Abby being a community strap

•ABBY’s POV•

•if I leave, maybe I can start again , Do right on the wrongs and have a better chance •

_________

In your darkest hours, when it's most difficult to stay afloat you will find yourself in absolute cold white solitude . It's not that you don’t have friends, it's that your fall tends to happen when everyone is away,

you friends will have exams or an important event, your parents will most likely be drowning in work.

such is the course of life. So with bared teeth and a tense jaw you have no choice but to march on. Abby's downfall came in the form of persistent nightmares where she would see her dad. Every year near his death’s anniversary she would become a shell of herself and in those weak moments she leaped back into old habits and sought out comfort in old connections. Until the consequences of those actions caught up to her and she paid double the price in fallen friendships and blackmail

In grief your judgment is clouded. Your anger takes the best of you but see, the world doesn’t owe you an apology.You know, you don’t get over a loved one's death. You just learn to live with it. Live with that and every other hard bitter truth. And that's what Abby learned to do.

_________

Abby enjoyed her routine and the way she had neatly organized every aspect of her life. She maintained a perfect balance of secrecy and exposure and kept everything under wraps, emotions included. Her manager did occasionally usher her to post more scandalous things since she was about to open an onlyfans but abby remained adamant that her crowd would find out about it without her saying so much as a word

Everything had a plan and purpose and everything was peaceful. Until you came into her life out of nowhere. She could not understand why did her mind stay so hangup on your name after that stream but she was sure she had seen it before.

perhaps in a fanart or maybe a shoutout?

so she went to check that day her socials until she saw your repost and the familiar username popped up cottoncandy

she looked at it and went through your profile and hated how intrigued she was by your interests but mostly by your appearance. There was something too unique to pass by and so she had decided to close her phone and go to the gym.

I can not allow someone in my life right now. Everything is in its place and it just…it wont work

She tried to convince herself while getting dressed. But you lingered in her mind like a vulture circling around waiting to pounce. There was a girl at her gym, one that she didn't know her name but she was presentable and had a spunky attitude and most importantly, really wanted Abbys attention. Abby was in the middle of taking a break between sets and took off her cap to wipe her face from the sweat with her gym towel. The girl approached her then and had her usual chatter that often times lasted around three…maybe four minutes. This time she was determined to ask Abby out. And Abby normally would agree without giving much thought into it. Nora once had called her community strap and she hated how well that nickname fit. When the question came though Abby found herself putting on her black hat back on and lowering it enough that the shadow would cover her eyes,rejecting the expecting girl curtly and went back to her sets with more force than usual. Because nothing today went “as it usually fucking would”

When she went back home she spent a good few hours stalking you and then another few denying she did that.

she texted Nora who unceremoniously left her on

read

“fuck” abby mumbled

It had been…years since she felt a spark of interest towards someone. Sure she was sexually active. Ever since she had her sexuality figured out she spent a year making up for lost time sleeping left and right with every woman that winked at her. However none of those girls -which did not lack in wit or looks in any way- piqued her interest. So she was bothered by you and why you were on her mind so much. She doom scrolled your entire page and when that was no longer enough she searched your YouTube channel to find your videos. 2.

Only two videos which meant thats how much it took for you to move to streaming. She rested on her couch and Alice whined next to her

“I do not need my own dog bullying me right now” she growled and Alice laid on her bed feigning innocence. She put your video playing in the background.and would chuckle at your jokes and then she would actually break into loud laughter and would replay a moment in awe. Eventually when wrapping up the video you sat back and had a talk in response to an older question

-I like this game.it speaks on the experience of loss which ,well…anyone who has personally lived through it would know how isolating that feeling is. I like that. Most importantly I like that depending on where you are in life you will take a very different message from this game, the purpose of revenge, forgiveness or acceptance. Or maybe something else that I am not in that stage to grasp yet. Highly recommend you guys play it as well-

She was taken aback. She didn't expect this video to end on such a note and she felt her heart ache. Not in pain but in something else entirely. Her frustration turned into delight. She started liking what you did to her and that was enough for her to make a move

___________

Ellie and Abby had a weird relationship. Abby no longer hated her but she didn���t like her either, however being in the same community and city meant you would have to be involved one way with one another thus she took the smart, professional decision to keep things civil. It was her managers request really, no. It was a demand actually but she followed through. So while they occasionally would post a pic whenever they hang out, Abby wanted nothing more to do with her unless necessary and she believed that the feelings were mutual.

However when she saw Ellie take notice of you the way she had something snapped. Abby had the privilege of being in Ellie “close friends” story and saw the upcoming comment of her admiring you and she got jealous. so she had to pull something. Something to keep you focused on her.

Her insecurities always got the best of her in times like this and when it happened she was irrational. She decided buying you that beloved statue that you mentioned more than once on your streams would send the message clearly

you didn’t. Because gifts were anonymous. But someone did get the message a few days later

“explain this purchase please” he asked mad and impatient

“Thought you wanted me to branch out and go international. She is an upcoming streamer and-“

“oh. So its a she. Explains a lot then. Should I be concerned for more large expenses on behalf of your breaching out?”

said her manager with a sharp tone. Abby pursed her lips and looked up and away in concentration. Truthfully she was bad at this. at being professional. That's why she had a manager. She forgot to account for the fact that the transactions she made went through him, which was usually a good thing. She forgot why now, but it was

“I promise I won’t do anything stupid…well-“

she tried and she heard Isaacs deep breathing on the other line

“yes?”

silence

“abby speak. I’ve known you long enough”

“So I thought of sending her a video…would that be good?”

“I do not want to know about your private sex life”

“no see I won’t directly send it…”

more silence. Abby chewed on her lip and rubbed her neck. She was sitting on her gaming chair ready to film and she was hot and ready enough which she feared Isaacs boring tone would turn her off and would ruin her plan

“It has to be behind a paywall. Abby this is business and even though I don’t want to ruin whatever fairytale shit you are living in you can’t keep doing whatever you want, you have a name and”

she put he phone on speaker and left it on her desk. she walked to her kitchen, made a coffee and filled alices bowl with food. when she went back to the room Isaac was still talking

“alright so how much should I charge?”

“400. The way you usually do”

“400?! There’s no way she will pay that- She doesn’t even know it will be sent only to her” she protested and he groaned

“200?” she asked

“250 and that's final” and he finally hung up. She smiled and once she was back and ready she started filming.

it started slow and she didn’t really intend to go too far. just enough to give you a taste of her. She had a very clear image of you in her head. Eventually though her thoughts drifted to you between her thighs, on your knees and ready to taste her. She let out a sigh and her fingers circled her clit in slow motions. she pictured you biting the waistband and asking for permission, looking up at her with those lovely eyes. your voice came a lot cleared than she expected

“Can I? abs?” and she groaned and let out a chocked

-fuck- as her hand went lower and she started fingering herself. She tried to fool herself that it was your tongue against her folds instead of her rough calloused fingers

“fuck cotton-“ she whispered and folded in on herself as she started thrusting harder still not getting the satisfaction that she craved. she wanted to feel you. On top of her riding her strap and beneath her as she rode your face. She knew you would look good all messed up, makeup ruined from the heated session.

What did you sound like when you moaned ? Were you loud in bed ? did you talk a lot? were you shy?

Fuck I wanna know…I need to know you

and with that she came. she grabbed her phone and the 20 minute video she had planned had to be cut at the 3 minute mark due to her stupidity calling out your name. Loud and clear too. she sat on the floor and stared at the footage for a good few minutes before sending it and waiting with the tab open.

within the first hour she already feared that you would buy the video. she even considered deleting it and sending it for free. she could deal with Isaac tomorrow

but few minutes later she saw the pending turn to paid

_________

Almost as if in another timeline, she had to visit a professional on matters she deemed unimportant, and if they ever mattered to her, she now forgot why.

Abbys therapist was a woman cunning and smart and could decode everything about Abby. They had been working for a year. That was the longest that Abby ever stuck with the same therapist before running away in anger at the lack of progress. She was unsure if this one helped, but she did find herself accepting her anger and coming to terms with it. She would still cry about it and she would always stay spiteful to her peers that still had their parents close.

“I’m happy that you seem more willing to open up your heart again Abby. I have to ask though. Are you sure this isn’t a hopeful trauma bond that you are seeking to create?”

“No, definitely not. Sure I liked that she seemed more insightful and all but no, I just like her for all the other aspects” Her therapist took note of that and Abby felt insecure in herself and her decisions once again

________

After her bold move on onlyfans, She did expect to get the silent treatment but she underestimated how stubborn you would be about it and that was a thing that really excited her.

such a brat

She held the plastic cup in her hand and stared at the clear liquid as it swished back and forth.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. What if she doesn’t even like me? I mean I know she has been following me for a while but that doesn’t say anything…”

Manny leaned against the table and crossed his arms in consideration.

“I dont know man I think she does like you, she’s probably just shy or something”

“shy?!Manny she hasn’t texted me in two days and we were supposed to call again last night”

“oh, so two days is too much but you leaving her on ready for weeks is fine?”

Abby rolled her eyes

“Do you have to remember every little thing?!” She looked around at the crowd dancing and playing beer pong. She didn’t even remember whose villa this was, only that it was a big shot youtubers that she got invited to. She usually avoided these events. Abby, despite of everyone's assumptions, was in fact shy and a little awkward and when Mel & Owen were at these parties it made her a lot more tense than she already was. She saw the couple in a corner kiss and then talk with others and eventually Mel would glare at Abby.

With a long sigh she grabbed her phone to check your profile. you had a story next to the statue she got you and she felt her cheeks heat up in excitement the room finally going quiet as her focus was directed at your photo. She slid up to respond to the image and was interrupted by someone getting a little too close to her personal space

“So you know her?” Ellie asked. Abby looked at the short girl and held back a scoff

“Kind of. We occasionally talk”

Ellie nod and looked around and then back at Abby

“Ugh…do you perhaps know if she is..single? or lesbian?”Abby sat on that and realized you actually had never explicitly announced your sexuality which made her reconsider every damn thing she did so far. Then came the next question.

were you even single ? or did she just make a move on someone who is spoken for?

Abby noticed ellie cock a brow and before she could smirk in triumph she locked her phone and shoved it in her pocket

“Yes she is but she already has her eyes on someone” She half lied. I mean she did hope you had your sights set on her but she couldn’t know for sure. You had talked about things before but somehow Abby never even thought to question you about those very crucial details.

“hm…I see” said Ellie and abby gave her a curt nod and excused herself. She was in no mood to talk to her any further than that but she felt uneasy. Ellie was persistent and Ellie was also, very openly a lesbian. she was attractive and there was no reason you wouldn’t be attracted to her.

“fuck this is so stupid” she mumbled to herself and went to fill her cup with more alcohol. there was no way she would be able to handle the night otherwise.

At this point two things were possible. She was drunk or she was seeing things. She double checked and indeed, there was a message from you. a few actually with videos attached and all. If she were at home, she would be screaming in ecstasy. she went to the bathroom for privacy and checked your chat which consisted of a mess of texts thanking her for the gift and the rest fawning over how ‘gorgeous Eivor looks in this size” and Abby bit her lip to stop herself from smiling anymore like an idiot. It was adorable. She watched the videos again and again of you showing her the statue which she didn't really care about but just your excited voice was enough for her to stay hooked on those three, 4 second clips.

Glad you liked the gift

Cotton candy: liked ????? My God I need to make it up to you somehow I don't know how, like dfjjdkrkge

A breathy chuckle escaped Abbys lips as her heart swelled at the sight of your texts. She noticed in the short span of talking to you that you tended to speak a lot more and a lot faster when it came to your interests. Without filter too and she liked that.

How about that call that you completely ghosted me on?

Cottoncandy: Ok listen I was…well

Cottoncandy: Fine sure. I’m free now if you are ?

Sure. I'll go take a shower and be back

And Abby rushed out of the bathroom and went straight to Manny to ask for her coat and car keys.

“What ,are you leaving?”

“Yeah sorry I’m not feeling so well, think I’m getting another migraine”

She said morphing her face into a pained expression and grabbed her leather jacket the minute he passed it over to her. She had never seen herself fold so fast over a girl and she was not in the mental state to acknowledge how embarrassing all of this was on her behalf

half an hour later when she was back home she immediately texted you trying to seem cool, relaxed, unbothered even

ready?

cottoncandy: sure :)

and she pressed “call”

__________

Things were just easier after that. She noticed you relax up and get bolder, responding to her posts more often and occasionally sending a text without waiting for her to post a story which she admitted to have started doing a lot more often for the sole purpose of giving you the push you needed to talk to her. You would often hang out at each other's streams and she quickly found out that when it came to humor, it was identical to one another and would throw jabs at each other that kept the chat entertained and Isaac pleased because your audience had new things to speculate. Abby was public with her friendships without disclosing anything more which left her audience running in circles and trying to pry more private information. This whole back and forth with you now reignited the audience's spark and due to how new it was, everyone seemed supportive and excited. In the back of her mind, Abby feared that this would eventually prove to be difficult to manage but she forced herself to stop rushing things in her head.

At the end of the day, so far you two were just friends who talked and, well, had probably simultaneously jacked off at the thought of one another without ever addressing that. That was another thing Abby chose not to speak about despite the fact that she would obsessively check on who purchased her sets to come to the sad realization that she had in fact scared you off her onlyfans.

She wasn’t sure if all of those were things she was supposed to feel, after all she had never taken it slow with anyone. Not that she ever gave them the time being that she would mostly do one night stands. With you it was different and she had to understand if it was due to the distance or if you were special to her after all

cottoncandy: Uni was AWFUL. I am actually dropping out

you are so dramatic

Came her response to which she received a fiery series of messages of you whining about how difficult things were before winter break.

cottoncandy: I honestly can't wait for it. I am so excited to just rest :)))

any plans? Do you have a trip planned with your friends or maybe your partner?

you read the message immediately but it took you a few minutes to respond and Abby gave a pat on her back in a derogatory way.

this is the worst possible way I could’ve asked if she is single

cottoncandy: no specific plans and no partner. I'll probably rot on my couch since my plans on going on a trip crumbled.I would cry but my tears run thin due to exams these days

You really like traveling dont you?

Cottoncandy: Who doesn’t ? I love visiting my friends abroad or vice versa

Abby didn't travel much. Not outside the country at least. She considered your messages and tried not to delude herself into a double meaning. Were you asking for an invite or were you inviting her ? Perhaps you were just venting. She was Picking at a thin layer of unstuck plastic from her table and toyed with it until it snapped. Either was she now knew you were not seeing someone and she could make a move guilt free

There wasn’t really a discreet way to go about this and if she was going to suggest it, you would need at least a heads up to rearrange your schedule.

I could visit you for winter break. I’m usually free around that time

She was rambling. She never spoke that much. But the rewarding excited messages that followed suit were rewarding enough to make up for her discomfort

Cottoncandy: Holy shit are you , wait for real?!

Sure. I always wanted to visit your city

She didn't. Again, Abby didn't travel. She didn't care about traveling. She just wanted to see you. Her phone screen went blank and then your face popped up on call.

“Yes?”

-Did you mean it? Cause if so I need to prepare things

“Like I said. We both have those two weeks available and it was about time I took a little trip. I could talk my manager into believing this is for work”

-Oh sure. If you want we can do a collab as well so that you don't take a loss in revenue and stuff

“Cotton its fine. I just wanna hang out with you. Don’t worry, leave that up to me”

She reassured and felt her ego inflate at how easily you seemed to be put at ease with her words. She couldn’t know for sure if her attraction was romantic or just sexual but she sure as hell loved the way you two aligned.

You spoke for a while and with winter break only a month away you already settled on the dates.

“I have to go to the gym now but I’ll send you a text once I get the tickets so that you know what time Ill be there

-alright perfect! See ya

Abby put her phone away and for a few minutes she would occasionally laugh, softly, while imagining what it would be like. She was nervous and with delight she noticed that she finally regained that spark in her where she had a crush and wanted to speak about her instead of statistics, trauma or finances. she felt good

[jpai0508]

Hi besties.

Rereading the hunger games, and I cannot get over how amazing of an author Suzanne Collins is.

Everyone always talks about how Peeta’s worst nightmare became a reality. The Capitol turned him into something he wasn’t with his hijacking. He lost the one thing he wanted to keep from the beginning. Being himself.

And everyone talks about how Katniss lost the one person she risked her life for at the very beginning of the series. The one person she had always tried to keep safe. Prim.

Both Katniss and Peeta lost the very things they strived to keep from the beginning of the series. And I love the parallels Collins provides with these things. The complex idea that no matter what a character does, their worst nightmare will inevitably come true.

Adding onto this, no one really talks about how Katniss also turned into the one thing she feared to become.

Her mother.

Throughout the entire first book, Katniss speaks very poorly of her mother. She doesn’t understand how her mother could leave her and Prim to fend for themselves. How she could blank out for hours on end. How she couldn’t leave the house for days. Katniss did not understand her mother’s grief at all. But slowly, by the end of the series, Katniss gets a good idea of what her mother went through.

In Mockingjay, Katniss is empty and broken when Peeta is in the Capitol. She hides from nurses, carelessly puts herself in life threatening situations, and eventually breaks down when she realizes that she’s the very reason Peeta is being tortured. Haymitch literally has to sedate her at one point. Katniss is the very reflection of Mrs. Everdeen when Katniss’ father died.

And when Prim dies, grief consumes Katniss, just as it had her mother. Katniss described her mother after her father’s death as “withdrawn and unreachable” (THG Chapter 7). And this is also a great way to describe Katniss’ grief at the end of Mockingjay. In Snow’s mansion, Katniss doesn’t speak to anyone, aimlessly wanders around the mansion, and falls asleep in random rooms. She finds no joy in life at all. The only thing that motivates her is the idea of killing Snow. And when Katniss returns to Twelve after her trial, she finds even daily tasks difficult. She doesn’t answer phone calls and ignores letters. She doesn’t even shower. And I am not at all judging her for her grief! It is entirely valid and understandable! Everyone grieves in their own way.

However, it’s interesting how Collins writes Katniss’ grief so similarly to Katniss’ mother’s grief, especially since Katniss spent years blaming and punishing her mother for her grief. (Which is still sympathized with from Katniss’ perspective since Katniss was forced to become the head of the family at eleven years old). But out of all the ways Collins could’ve characterized Katniss’ grief (because there are so many forms of grief), Collins chose to write it a way so similar to Katniss’ mother’s grief.

But through this mirrored grief, Collins shows the audience how complex grief really is.

Was it right of Mrs. Everdeen to leave her eleven year old daughter to be the head of the family? No.

Was it right for Katniss to punish her mother for the feelings she couldn’t control? Also, no.

Was there really a good solution to the problem at all? Not really. (Would also like to remind everyone that the only reason there were these complicated problems in the first place is because of the Capitol and the poor working conditions they placed in the mines!)

Anyways, by literally placing Katniss into her mother’s shoes in Mockingjay, I feel like Collins is not only showing Katniss how complicated grief is, but she’s also showing the readers, who feel and see everything as an extension of Katniss.

Readers, especially young readers who do not understand depression, were more than likely upset at Katniss’ mother in the first book. I know I was as a young and naive reader the first time I read the series. How dare Mrs. Everdeen do that to her children!

But by the end of Mockingjay, reading through Katniss’ own grief, the readers understand Mrs. Everdeen all the better. There is more sympathy for her. Grief is very, very difficult. Mental health is not a black and white issue. There are gray areas. There are things we don’t understand until we’re the ones facing it ourselves.

It’s a reminder that Mrs. Everdeen was never the villain for her depression. And Katniss was never the villain for punishing her for it. She was just a child. So I gently ask you all to “remember who the real enemy is.”

[ganondoodle]

this isnt as long as before but i just cannot stop thinking about this, why i dislike story and lore boils down to these main point

--the ending feels unsatisfying as hell even if i ignore everything i dont like about how the game treated zelda and ganondorf, the ending itself just feels, despite being presented as super epic an touching, incredibly empty to me and part of it is that it feels like an unearned return to status quo of course i didnt think zelda would stay a dragon and i actually wanted to help her, which is why i kept trying to hunt down impa since she said shes gonna search for a way for us to help zelda, bc i wanted to!! i was eager to help her!

i fully hoped and kinda expected that thered either be some kind of dragon dungeon (think, the water dragon from okami) tho that would be difficult since you can get items from her so i ended up thinking before going into the end thered be a mission with impa (or at least given to you from her) where she found answers in ancient scripts (that she told you she would look through) and that you need to find a special lil thing that will help zelda undragonfy, like some sort of ultra secret forbidden enigma stone able to reverse dragon transformations kinda deal (golden opportunity to make you go and talk to the yiga bc they might know or even own some ancient texts) that youd keep in your inventory until the very end and after you kill dragondorf (pretty mortal for becoming an immortal dragon huh) you take it out and use it, undragonfying zelda and ending in a similar epic falling and paralel to the beginning way

... and instead impa stays in the house and only has a few repeating dialog boxes and does nothing and you cant do anything bc in the end you just get randomly teleported (and stripped of your clothing AGAIN) into some weird ethereal plane somehow?? with the ghost of long ass dead sonia and apparently not as gone as i thought rauru (seriously i felt sad when he went poof at the end of the tutorial but i guess i shouldnt have) awkwardly blasting dragon zelda with some magic tm and its all reversed no problem (heck me for caring i guess) turns out helping her was killing an evil guy we never really knew and mineru just kinda says lol its bc time and light magic i guess lol as an explanation

like i really wanted to go and help zelda! i was motivated to do it and spent HOURS trying to find impa again but i wasnt allowed to do anything bc zelda gets saved by some deus ex machina bs in the end anyway, what a fool i was, of course killing the evil guy is the solution to everything >:( (and no i dont care if its meant as in uwu sonia and rauru wanted to help one last time uwu bc it doesnt change how unsatisfying it was to watch it all just kinda happen)

--point two is just how much totk feels like its trying to REPLACE botw instead of being a sequel, its not building on anything of it its ripping out the fundation and building its own thing in its place, like i was so excited to see what happened to the titans, and all the sheikah tech what they mabe had done in all that time now that theres a tech enthusiastic girl as the head of the monarchy, maybe even find out more about them and instead its just all ... gone with not explanation? theres isnt even a LAME explanation, its just gone?? you never find out what the ancient energy actually was, and why there were concentrations of it in the regions with the ancient furnace (well heck it didnt even have anything to do with ganondorf actualyl bc that would have been too interesting) bc that was so intrigueing?? like yeah where DID it come from and why is it there ?? and oh suddendly hey look theres an even MORE ancient and even MORE advanced civilization thats way COOLER and BETTER than the ancient sheikah now, they also built stuff everywhere and have been here ALL ALONG cant you see its everywhere!! and its the only thing everyone cares about all of the sudden, all evdidence of the ancient sheikah tech was scraped of the earth so there literally only being some guardian parts on top of the hateno lab feels like an oversight now bc everything lese was to thourohgly wiped of the map- for no reason even?? like im totalls fine with it being useless and not working anymore but .... why remove it like it was wiped from history?? and then they have the gall to mention the happenings of botw like, twice in the entire game but still just give you the most basic summary of it mentioned on a sidenote with again not even a hint what happened to all of it

wouldnt there have been the golden opportunity to use it to access the new parts and map points that changed?? like a shrine thats fallen into the underground, an access to caves and the underground in the broken and collapsed elevator tube of a sheikah srhine?? maybe even a broken interior of an old shrine, like the room you get put into with the puzzle and where the monk once were broken and half overgrown in the udnerground? some left over construction site where you can see oh thats how the ancient sheikah got all that tech underground, bc they all had access to it and built it there to then rise up when its needed? maybe even making use of the old sonau sites since they frequnetly built their srhines within those ruins?? that the ancient sheikah found em and put the ruins to use? to research it and built their own stuff from it? it wouldnt have to have any focus, literally just part of the enviroment even

really everything totk does is like -forget botw ever happend, look how much cooler and better i am, who cares about sheikah stuff sonau are the new cool guys that came out of nowhere but now apparently have been everywhere all along actually-

i LOVE botw and with it feeling much more like its attempting to replace botw instead of building its story and world further every reference to botw i found felt like a slap in the face instead, oh look where the shrine of life used to be isnt even a hint left of sheikah tech somehow, and also right under it is the lake of healing filled with sonau structure bc ACTUALLY they were here FIRST bc they are so cool omg you guys

dare i say it feel a little like they wanted to make an entirely different version of botw basically, but wanted to reuse the map and models so they just said yeah uhhhh its totally a sequel yeah yeha that makes sense, its not erasing botw and doing essentiall the same thing again but bigger cooler and better (tm) its just uuh a ...sequel ye.

[mikuni14]

Love For Love's Sake - Ep 7-8

Korea delivered again.

I watched these episodes a few hours ago, but I'm only writing something now because I have so many thoughts in my head. I don't know what to write anyway, my thoughts and feelings are a mess. I don't even know if I understood everything correctly. But it doesn't matter because I vibe with this series so hard 🥳 I cried through both episodes, and I spent the end of the finale in an incredible euphoria, as if I was high. This series is pure art because it can reach the depths of your heart, make you feel the story told deeply, and finally experience catharsis. And what's important - all your feelings turn out to be important, each of them meant something, none of them were wasted (which sadly happens to me often in BL series, especially lately, like, why do I get so invested, when in the end it turns out that it was for nothing..).

I was genuinely curious how the series would overcome the fact that it is a game and in the end I rate the result and execution as 10/10 for innovation and professionalism in breaking my heart. Also a special award for creating the character of a "god", who, like all gods, is a dick who enjoys tormenting ordinary people and putting them through some werid, difficult, harsh trials to make them "better" (why is it never a form of a gentle therapy, only kick in the balls and "learn from it" lol)

Myung Ha went through hell in this life, after going through hell ending with suicide in his previous life, becoming some kind of mythical, biblical figure in his suffering. This is a trope that I have never liked or accepted (growth through suffering), but I accept it here because of a) a very good execution that really moved me b) a happy ending 🙂 I won't analyze Myung Ha more because others will do it definitely a lot better. I just want to write how much I love this lonely, broken, kind man. How much I felt sorry for him when he did everything for Yeo Woon and nothing worked and he despaired because he didn't understand what he was doing wrong. Because, keeping your problems and fears a secret from your loved one, keeping him at a distance to protect him, making noble sacrifices, never asking for help, is an expression of love, right? RIGHT? Oh my poor summer child, and my poor heart 💔💔

I love Yeo Woon for how honest he is with his feelings. When he is happy - he talks about it, when he is unhappy - he also talks about it. I love how he says precisely what he likes and doesn't like. How he sets boundaries - even if he crumbles in the end, panicking when he might actually lose Myung Ha. Yeo Woon has his own demons, his own problems, his own fears of being alone and being abandoned. But I really like how hard he tries and how much he wants their relationship to be equal and how he NOTICES THAT IT'S NOT. I liked it so much that he didn't ignore what Myung Ha was doing after he collapsed. That he confronted him because he had spent the whole day looking for him, only to find out that he was sick and in the care of someone else, and his "rival" at that. How else could Yeo Woon feel other than hurt, rejected, jealous and not worthy of being Myung Ha's carer?

There were so many scenes in these episodes and each deserves a separate analysis, a separate post, but I don't even know where to start, I have so many thoughts in my head! What a series, WHAT A SERIES.

Hmm, what could be easier to write? For example, how many tropes were used in this show, like the hand-holding, dragging by hand, running through the city and on the beach to your crush, sexy drinking from a water bottle, going to the beach with friends together at the end 💯

Final kisses: what can I say, it must have taken a lot of practice kissing, right Yeo Woon? 🤭 Korea often does this thing where the first kiss is stiff and in the next kiss the guys go to town lol

Sang Won deserves a special mention, he's just a great character. And the actor playing him is incredibly hot.

Each of these boys was 10/10, the series is 10/10. The series perfectly balanced comedy and tragedy, a beautiful and romantic love story with difficult and heavy elements, also feelings of joy and sadness in the viewers (at least in me). I love this series because the main couple was always present, their love was constantly visible, they still had lovely scenes together even when everything around them was falling apart. The series did something amazing when the surprising plot twist in the form of what actually happened to Myung Ha DID NOT DOMINATE the finale. That it became its important, but not the most important element, and the finale itself brought only smiles and joy. I didn't expect that a BL series could again make me feel things as The Eight Sense did, but here we are 💖

I plan to rewatch the entire series again. And I'm very saddened by the choice of distribution method of this series, if it were aired every week, it would probably have the same popularity as The Eighth Sense - but now, after a week, it's over...

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

Okey same person who asked about thranduil baby daddy’s here.

By the way loved the explanation, makes sense. But I would love to hear more about Ingwe and his adopted relationship to thranduil.

Especially your opinion on how would have thranduil reacted seeing how ingwe turned out? in the sense that in valinor he was all “pease,art,music and the serving the valar”.

Also do you think if given the chance to return to middle earth after going to valinor, the we’s would have returned? And would they have brought their children with them?

I love hearing questions, so dw!

So, first things first: little reminder that everything i have to say is about my au, and is not always canon compliment.

So Ingwe actually calls Thranduil his ada. If you ever hear him talking about his Ada he means thranduil. And everytime someone tries to interfere and say “don’t you mean ingen?” After they started living in valinor (ingen and Alehalen(ingwe’s mom) went with the vanyar) ingwe point blank tells them no, they aren’t his parents.

It’s actually a point of tension, bc valinor elves don’t really understand the concept of adoption, just like they don’t really deal with divorce/remarrying/everything that happened between miriel and finwe. So a lot of elves don’t actually acknowledge that Ingwe has disowned Ingen and Alehalen. Including his younger sister Indis, who was born in valinor (yes, in this au indis is his sister) and his wife, who keeps insisting that he should mend his relationship with them.

And thranduil just treats him like he came from his body. Which isn’t difficult bc Ingwe and Lasgen could be twins tbh. Lasgen and Ingwe are genuinly close, btw, and will call each other “twin”. Thranduil is, however, ready to throw down with Ingen and Alehalen the moment he catches even the faintes whif of them treating him like shit. It was a lot of comforting a crying elfling way back when. Tbh, because custody arrangements and such didn’t really exist then, Ingwe actually just generally spent a lot of time with thranduil and his family, especially as he became older.

This actually what kind of kickstarted the bad blood between the two families. I mean, when ingen ding-dong-ditched thranduil, they were annoyed but moved on oretty quick (especially when they don’t think that loosing Ingen was any real lose) but the way ingen proceeded to treat his kids, and the way in which thranduil “stole” his sone from him really sparked the fire between the two families. Which is why ingwe doesn’t understand how Finwe, who is a Miriel simp, could possibly cheat on her with Indis, of all elves.

It’s complicated. And the drama started long before the Miriel/Finwe/Indis debacle was even thought up, though most elves don’t realize it/forgot.

So, idk if you know this, but i joke on here that Ingwe “started a cult” to deal with his emotions/gain power. Except then he lost control of the cult. To his parents. And sister. And wife. And to an extent his son. Yeah Ingwe’s just having a bad time. He also is very scared that after the thousands of years since he’s seen thranduil that thranduil no longer thinks of him as his son.

Dw, the moment thranduil is in valinor (through whatever means that may be) he pretty much immediately tracks down his long lost son and demands he comes for a family diner all while hugging the stuffing out of him. Thranduil genuinly wouldn’t care how Ingwe turned out as long as he’s happy and not an ass. Sadly, it’s sad vanya elf hours and ingwe’s been lowkey miserable for millenia and this 👌 close to snapping.

The thing about cuivienen elves, is that in general, i think, they deserve to have their own classification bc, by virtue of being the ones who discovered everything/created society/etc. they all have their wires crossed. And it’s not that they dislike peace, but most of them feel a bit stiffled in valinor. Furthermore, i feel like they feel at least a little disassociation with other vanya/teleri/noldor born elves bc cuivienen elves didn’t actually grow up in that culture, and a lot of those distinctions between elven ethnicities happened after they were kids. They feel a little lost, a little out of place at times.

I actually hc that none of the we’s were actually planning to stay in valinor or lead their people but somehow ended up in that role anways and they’re kinda pissed about it. They just wanted to explore, ok, they did not know it meant signing up to be king.

I feel like all of them want to return to middle earth, if they get the chance, but they also don’t want to abandon their people/families, nd they feel it would be unfair to ask it of their families, when a lot of them are clearly happy in valinor.

In short, in my au, the -we’s feel more or less trapped in their role.

Especially when they have to constantly behave civil, when they’re all a little unhinged. Ingwe’s actually pretty bloodthirsty when it comes down to it. It’s something he shares with Lasgen, Willow (other older sister from another mother) and indis. This drive to be ruthless and almost cruel when dealing with any type of opposition is something they inherited from Ingen, though none (bar indis) likes to acknowledge that that is where they get it from.

Also, just a thought:

Thranduil: *steps foot in valinor*

Ingwe, finwe, elwe, and olwe: finally, an adultier adult.

Might have gotten a bit side tracked, but i hope this answered at least most of your questions.

[zephfair]

Hello? Anyone still here?

Hey, who disappeared for months and has desperately missed all her little friends who live on this hell-site but has been too exhausted and overwhelmed to actually login ... and who lost track of where this sentence was going ... Yeah, this girl.🤗

But, wow, have I missed you all and all the beauty that is Tumblr, and I hope you'll forgive me for secreting myself away since--holy cow--January.

Quick life update behind the cut.

So, I knew going back to work full-time at my age after quite a long unintended break AND now having health disabilities, well, I knew it would be hard. I knew I would have to adjust my whole, entire life. I expected it to be incredibly difficult, and I fully planned to give myself some grace and time in having to change my every routine.

But somehow, I still underestimated it.

I am so thankful to have a job now, with a steady (if small) income and benefits that frankly make me want to weep with thanks. I mean, I don't have time to go to the doctor, but at least now I could afford to go, if I could get there.

But wow, work is tough. Not just the literal work but, as I said, changing my entire life around it. I'm not complaining, but I am doing my best to learn all new skills (job is not in my old field), relearn how to work and reschedule my own needs and just upend everything.

The absolute worst thing has been trying to take care of my aunt. I was to leave town on Jan. 7 to start my training on Jan. 8.

My 90-year-old aunt fell and broke her pelvis (and a finger and needed some stitches) Jan. 2. I spent every waking hour with her over the rest of that week. While I'd planned to spend that week cleaning my house, getting my business in order and just resting, I was freaking out and traveling through the snow and literally worried sick about her.

It was bad.

And I couldn't stay with her like I did when she broke her hip because I had to attend training full-time. At least they let us come home super-early from that first on-site week of training, but that led to a literal nightmare of a drive home one night through snow, ice, rain, flooding and fog that I'm not joking I've had nightmares about before and now since. Long story.

So, I spent January and February training and working 9 hours a day then spending all day Saturday at her place cleaning and doing laundry and making sure she had everything she needed for a week, and then I had Sunday to do my own laundry and clean the house and take care of my own things...which just keep getting pushed back because I'm too worn out.

Thank God, Aunt made a miraculous recovery and now is doing her own house and laundry etc. but I still go out one day a weekend and do anything else she needs and make sure she has all her groceries and supplies and stuff.

We're all each other has.

Needless to say, I haven't been taking care of myself. I don't sleep well anyway, but add the stress of the new job and my dear aunt and my own health issues, and I'm exhausted. Weary. Overwhelmed and just so very tired. My body is so heavy, I can barely move anymore. It's bad.

And when I finally got to my doctor two weeks ago for my long-delayed check-up, found out I was right about my blood pressure being sky-high again. It went high for the first time several years ago when my Mom was dying, but it eventually settled and was fine. But yeah, it's bad again now. No shock there. And all my lovely chronic health conditions have flared which was no surprise--again, I had braced myself to expect it and power through it, and that's what I'm doing. But it sucks. And it's hard. And there's so much pain.

I don't want to say much about my job, but the over-arching Praise the Lord wonderful thing about it is working from home. There have been so many days already that I never would've been able to get to an office to work, but I can push through it here because I don't have to use any spoons to get myself "ready" (sweatshirts and leggings, no personal grooming necessary, yay), and I don't have any anxiety about driving because zero commute. It has its challenges too because Teams is a weird office communication alternative to get used to, but on the good side, I don't have to deal with interpersonal drama from co-workers.

The work itself is challenging, but I have some days where I finally feel quietly competent and think, Oh, I can actually do this. And then there are some days that leave me in tears and praying for help because it's just too hard. But there's no way I'm quitting; they're going to have to fire me because did I mention the benefits are incredible? I mean, I live in the US and if you knew how much I had to pay last year for my own health insurance, and then the scope and biopsies and then the skin cancer and surgery and then the other skin pre-cancer biopsy and treatment. Yeah, I'm still in big debt from all of that.

So I keep praying that they keep me and that I'll do a good job. And my immediate supervisor has started piling extra work on me over the past 3 weeks so suddenly I'm doing my own stuff AND cleaning up the work from co-workers who aren't keeping up. And all of them have been working since October while just a handful of us began in January?

I have been complaining about this to my aunt, and I thought it meant that my supervisor thinks I'm incapable or is punishing me for trying to get through own my entire workload every single day. But she believes he's giving me all their shit work because I'll actually do it, and I admit, I have gotten some of it completed successfully after they'd given up on it. So, I don't know.

I know that I'm a perfectionist and I've always pushed myself as hard as possible to do my best at work (not at housework and other things in my life lols) but I really hope that it gets me a good reputation at this job and they keep me.

So yeah, that's what's going on here. I've completely abandoned the fandom things in life that I actually enjoy. I almost feel, like, guilty when I'd think about trying to make some time to browse Tumblr or wasting time on social media or even trying to write fic. I get done with work at 6:30 pm, and until I get something to eat and then clean up, it's 8 or 8:30. I have to spend about an hour on the phone with Aunt (and I call her every morning, break, and lunch time too). By then, I can barely walk or move so I just try to make it upstairs to bed. Even though I can't sleep, it just feels nice to lie down.

But I miss all of you. And I miss fandom fun. And I want to be around more because maybe it would recharge me rather than me feeling so freaking overwhelmed every minute of the day.

And I promise not to complain and bitch all the time, now that I've gotten it out of my system. But thanks for listening.

I do miss you, and I love you all.

PLEASE let me know if I've missed anything important in your lives and goings on here! I've got A LOT of catching up to do!

[anitalianfrie]

i'm curious about any commentary you have about this is a love story 👀

beside the like,literal hours i spent trying to code that fucking thing, i realized after the first article and maybe, three posts that i needed a plot. or at least, a resemblance of a plot. a sequence of events that would happen and that then had to be filtered through the social media lens and through the eyes of the characters. I had to build the reconciliation organically, i couldn't just write ten posts on them and call it a day because then it wouldn't have worked.

Luckily our community was of great aid in this, and a lot of the posts i put in it, like reblogs or quotes, were directly taken from my dash around the days i wrote that specific section of the story. Like, when we where having the collective leatherboys breakdown, i decided to put it in the story. or the motogpconfession one, i think i wrote it the day after adora unearthed those posts.

i had a piece of paper on which i wrote down all the events i wanted to happen and then i assigned a race/time period to it. I ended up sending vale to like, eight or nine races in the process but i think i was able to cut it down to seven in the fic. Also i refused to check any of the wec races because it could have ruined everything (and it would have, because i'm pretty sure he will race the same weekend as sepang). i was already going crazy reworking the instagram skin, the wec schedule was not going to be my problem.

one of the most difficult things to write was the rockstar au (that now i love very dearly) because. i didn't know what to write about. I knew i needed to put an au in the story, simply because our community is so profilic in writing them, but i had literally zero ideas. i swear to god, i went on an alternate universe generator site and cliked generate about a thousand times before i got this idea.

the non-text most difficult thing i did was enea's gifs because i used my phone and the app sucked majorly. 0/10 do not recommend that's the reason he's the only one i giffed and then simply reblogged repsol-ariel.

also, all the posts i took from tumblr, so reblogs and such, are actually from the blog with the username i wrote in the fic. in some cases their pfp is also the one of their blogs (this ended pretty soon tho because i was about to kill myself so i simply got random pictures on pinterest)

the easiest article to write was gogue's, even if it was the longest and more complex, because i'll be honest i'm really not made for dry sport journalism. I'm quite proud of it, actually. Describing him talking about Valentino was one of my favourite things, but also I loved the possibility to write glimps of his relationship with Alex.

also: i wrote vale's interview for skyITA after marc and bez's incident in italian and then translated it. i started writing it in english, but then i realized it wouldn't have worked, because i was thinking with the english sentence structure. So i thought: what could valentino say? and wrote it as if he was talking, pauses and not-ended sentences. then i took that and translated it the same way i do when i translate proper interviews or videos, changing the phrasing as little as possible. It was quite fun to do.

(also: cuntress-supreme's username was actually inspired by your username :)) )

[threadandlace]

Blue Jean Baby- seamstress for the band series part five (13.0k)

Masterlist- to start from the beginning

You watched Sam disappear down the stairs of the bus and stood in silence for a moment, letting the last few minutes replay through your head. “Are you ready to go back there?” you heard Albert call back. You shouted back your approval before grabbing your phone and immediately calling Jen.

“This better be good, it’s after midnight,” Jen mumbled as a greeting. “Jen, you’re never going to believe what just happened…”

You quickly recounted the events from the last few days, ending with the awkward kiss with a very inebriated Sam. Jen was quiet for a moment, soaking everything in. “Well, I don’t want just a historical recollection of everything, I want to know how you feel! Your thoughts!” Jen exclaimed. “Oh, I definitely don’t like him. I don’t think,” you replied, chewing on your lip as you thought. There was something somewhat magnetic about Sam, but you couldn’t imagine yourself being with him. “Yeah, no. I don’t think he’s a good choice for me. And now I don’t know how to go about explaining that to him,” you conceded. “Well, given his reaction, I think he knows he fucked up. And you said he was drunk, right? So odds are, he may not even remember it,” Jen replied quietly. “Jen, I feel like that is definitely not something you just forget. Even if you’re drunk. And he wasn’t like, trashed,” you clarified. “Well, there’s not much you can do about it tonight, you’ll just have to gauge him in the morning. What are you working on?” Jen asked, changing the subject.

You went into detail about the project currently laid out in front of you- another one of Jake’s jackets. You were carefully sketching out a floral design on the back in chalk, which would serve as a guide for various fabrics you’d layer to finish out the design. It was going to be your main project for the night, although you’d want to get some rest too. Albert had mentioned that the drive would be about 12 hours at what he called “tour bus turtle speed.” Jen gave you a few suggestions for your design before ending the conversation. “If you don’t let me go to sleep, I will personally drive to Pennsylvania  and commit crimes against you,” Jen said, her voice raspy with exhaustion. “Fine. Sleep well,” you said, waiting for a snappy remark. There was none, so you hung up the phone and laughed to yourself. Sure, Jen could be a true character, but she brought joy into your life, and that was all that mattered.

The next four hours were spent alternating between being hunched over your sewing machine and sprawled out over the scraps of fabric on the table. You finished the jacket quicker than you’d thought, deciding sleep would be your reward. Brushing your teeth and washing your face on a moving bus proved to be slightly difficult, but not impossible. You couldn’t help but notice how quiet the bus was without the group, a constant stillness present. You changed into your pajamas before heading up to check on Albert. You’d grown quite fond of him, and you were incredibly thankful for his ability to get you from point A to B quickly and safely. You found him focused on the drive and in good spirits, listening to a comedy podcast play on his phone. “Do you want any snacks or water?” you asked him. “I’m all good, hon. You go get some rest!” he replied, giving you a wide smile, his face crinkling. 

You crawled into your bunk and rolled to plug your phone in. A message popped up on your phone as you were setting your alarm. You opened it.

Danny: Are you and Albert doing okay? 

You couldn’t help but smile at the text. Danny truly was a sweet guy, and you knew the text was genuine. 

Yes, we are good! How are you guys faring? I figured you’d all be asleep by now! 

Danny: I’m the last one up, got sucked into my book. Wanted to check in before I went to sleep and figured you’d be up.

Hmmm, a book? I haven’t seen him read at all during this trip. Must be boring on their bus. I wonder if Sam told him what happened… 

I’m headed to bed too. See you in the morning!

Danny: Good night! 

You finished setting your alarm, choosing 10:00 am as a decent wake up time. Six hours didn’t seem like enough sleep, but you had run on a lot less and should be close to the destination at that time. The quiet hum and swishing of the road noise had you asleep in mere minutes, the day’s events making you more exhausted than you had thought. ___________________________________________

Your alarm woke you, and you rolled to grab for your phone. You checked your home screen and saw you had no messages, a good sign that nothing was amiss. Rolling out of the bunk and onto the floor, you realized that the bus was still moving. A quick check of your phone told you that you were still in Ohio, a ways to go from the venue in Pennsylvania. You grabbed a change of clothes and your toiletries before heading to the bathroom to do a quick morning routine and change. As you brushed your teeth, the events of last night came flooding back into your memory and you cringed. Hopefully he won’t even remember what happened. He was pretty drunk. You finished in the bathroom and returned your stuff to your suitcase before walking up the hall to check in on Albert.

“Good morning!” Albert greeted you, a smile on his face as he took a sip from his reusable coffee mug which was plastered with pictures of what you could only guess was his family. You gave him a smile and pulled down the small seat that was attached to the front divider of the bus. “How’s it going?” you inquired, looking out at the road as you waited for his answer. “We hit some traffic due to construction during the night, and then we were just in traffic,” he replied, giving you a sigh. “That’s frustrating,” you said, watching as he continued to sip on his coffee, his eyes never leaving the road. He nodded. “We are running behind, that’s for sure. I think we will be stopped for a late breakfast, early lunch. Dean, the other driver, said that the boys are mostly awake and ready to stop.” You nodded again and smiled at the fact that he called them “the boys.” You pointed to his cup. “Who are all these lovely people?” you asked turning it in the cup holder to examine it. He gave you a smile and began to tell you about each person, giving you funny stories along the way.

You and Albert talked for about 45 minutes. You listened to him as he told you about his family, occasionally interjecting bits and pieces about your own. Eventually he pulled into the parking lot of a Cracker Barrel, following behind the other bus. You stood and stretched as Albert parked. Jake was the first one off of the bus, making a beeline towards the restaurant. Josh and Danny were next, immediately heading towards your bus. You walked down to greet them, both of them giving you a grin. “Good morning,” you said as Josh reached out to pull you into his side, linking arms with you as the three of you walked into the restaurant. 

Jake was standing by the hostess booth and turned to face the group as you approached. “The wait is going to be about ten minutes,” he said quietly, giving you a big grin in greeting. “Did you get any sleep?” he asked softly. “Oh yeah, a few hours,” you replied as you all followed Josh as he wandered around the store, inspecting the various gifts and gadgets that they had for sale. “What about you guys? Good drive so far?” you inquired, wondering where Sam was. “Not too bad. Sam was up all night, sick as a dog. He drank way too much last night and the motion got to him I think,” Danny replied, swiping his curly bangs out of his eyes. “I slept great,” Josh cut in, turning to show you a tiny sewing kit he’d found on a shelf. “Yeah, Josh here sleeps like a log,” Danny cut in, rubbing his face. “I, however, do not. So I was up most of the night with Sam. Making sure he was hydrated and everything.” Jake elbowed his side and laughed. “Danny’s the modern Florence Nightingale if she was a drummer in a band. The mom of the band for sure. Do you guys remember that one time in Germany when we were all drunk and high off of our asses and somehow Danny still got us back to the hotel? Part nurse, part tracking dog I swear,” Jake said with a laugh as Josh turned to show you another trinket, this time a little bird carrying a thread in its mouth. “Look, it’s you,” Josh said, a twinkle in his eye. Danny pulled a mouse holding a comically large piece of cheese from off the shelf, presenting it to Josh. “And this is you, Josh,” Danny chuckled. Josh gave him a jab with his elbow and placed the bird back on the shelf. 

A voice over the loudspeaker called Jake's name and the group headed to claim your table. You passed Albert and Dean sitting together on your way to your table and you gave Albert’s shoulder a light squeeze. You took the seat at the far end of the table and Josh pushed Danny out of the way to take the seat next to you. “Nuh uh, I don’t want to sit next to Jake, he stinks,” Josh said, pushing Danny towards the other side of the table. Danny shook his head, but went to sit across from you, next to Jake. Your waitress handed out the menus and took your drink orders, all four of you ordering coffee. 

Josh leaned over towards you. “What are you going to get?” he whispered. You turned to look at him and chuckled. “I don’t know… Why? Is it a secret?” you whispered back from behind your menu. He glanced over at Jake and Danny, who were both absorbed in reading over the options. “We may or may not have placed bets over what you’d get. But I think they may have forgotten,” Josh replied, turning the page of his menu. You couldn’t help but laugh and shake your head as you continued to read the many options. They placed bets on what I’d order… which means they talked about me when I wasn’t there… hmmm… 

Your waitress came back and placed a steaming cup of coffee in front of each of you before taking your orders. Jake ordered some sort of hash brown casserole, Danny chose some sort of sandwich and Josh chose pancakes. They all turned to look at you expectantly when it was your turn. “I’ll do the pancake breakfast with scrambled eggs, no meat please,” you said before handing the waitress your menu. Josh grinned widely and held his hands out to Danny and Jake, who were digging in their pockets for their wallets. “What can I say? I am a girl who loves pancakes,” you confessed as Jake and Danny each handed Josh a $20 bill from their wallets, grumbling the whole time. “A girl after my own heart,” Josh said, stuffing the bills in his pockets as he nudged you. 

The food came quickly and everyone busied themselves with eating. After a moment, Jake spoke up. “Did anyone text Sam and ask him what he wants?” Josh and Danny shook their heads, but Danny picked up his phone to send him a text. You all spent the rest of the meal chatting and listening to stories from everyone’s various travels- theirs to various countries to perform, yours to various locations for fashion shows and shoots. “Favorite place you’ve been, go!” Josh asked, gesturing to you first. “India, by far. I’ve only been once, but it was amazing,” you answered honestly before turning to look at Jake, signaling his turn. “Probably Germany,” he answered. Danny agreed with his answer. “I think India has been my favorite too. The culture alone is just… amazing,” Josh answered, a sense of amazement in his voice. 

Your waitress came back by to check on your group, and Danny checked his phone. “Sam hasn’t responded, any ideas what he’ll want?” he asked the group. Josh thought for a moment before turning to the waitress who was waiting with her pen held above her notepad. “Can we get a baked potato? No meat, but the rest of the toppings on the side if you could, to go” Josh requested. She wrote it down and nodded before making her way towards the kitchen. “Good call,” Danny acknowledged as he finished his coffee. 

Jake got up first to go pay the bill while the rest of you waited for Sam’s food. “Hopefully he’s not dead,” Josh joked, before looking at Danny. “He seemed real out of sorts last night, didn’t he? Any idea what has been bothering him?” Josh asked. Danny shook his head before answering. “I have no idea. I think being stuck in that elevator threw him for a loop.” You nodded in agreement, knowing only you must know the real reason for his behavior. “Whatever it is, I hope he gets his shit together. I’m tired of him acting like an ass,” Josh replied, shaking his head. 

Sam’s food came out soon after and Danny grabbed the bag to carry it out. Josh turned to you as you all walked out towards the buses. “Can I ride with you? I need some quiet and I have a feeling they,” he pointed to Danny and Jake, who were goofing off in the parking lot, “are not going to be quiet.” 

“Of course! I may be running the sewing machine but I can promise no jam sessions,” you answered, giving him a grin. “Absolutely perfect. Let me go grab my bag and make sure Samuel is alive and at least somewhat well,” Josh said before jogging to the other bus, pausing only to jokingly kick out at both Jake and Danny, who both tried to grab him before he ducked and ran past them, onto the bus. What goofballs, you thought to yourself as you laughed, their shenanigans bringing a smile to your face. 

Once back on the bus, you checked your phone.

Jen: Any updates? Lover boy say anything?

You grimaced at the term, but shot her a reply. 

Nope, he was apparently sick for most of the night. Didn’t come to brunch. They think it’s because he’s hungover but I’m not so sure…

You pulled out one of Josh’s jumpsuits for a future show, laying it carefully on the table in front of you.

Jen: Well, he’ll have to face you sooner than later. Maybe he really is sick, forgot the whole thing.

You wished. You picked a stray fuzz off of the jumpsuit before replying.

We will see. Hoping for the best. 

Josh climbed on board, giving Albert a squeeze before walking back into your work area and plopping down onto the bench across from you. “Y’all ready back there?” you heard Albert call back. You and Josh both yelled your approval before turning back to each other.

 “I’m guessing that’s mine,” Josh said, shooting you a grin. “Well, you are the only one who wears a full jumpsuit, so yes, this would be yours,” you answered. He walked over to the table and ran his hand across the soft fabric, taking care not to snag any of the rhinestones that you’d applied. The burnt orange fabric was the perfect shade for him and you knew he’d love the deep cut of the neckline. “I can’t wait to wear this one,” Josh said softly as he inspected the various elements. You pulled out your pattern to show him. “I need to finish applying the rhinestones and then it should be ready for a test run. Hopefully at the end of the day at the latest,” you explained as you gestured to the areas that still needed some work. He nodded and went back to his spot on the bench, pulling out his journal and an assortment of colored markers. 

You both worked in comfortable silence until Josh fell asleep, his journal face down on his chest. You were able to complete all of the outfits for the next state and had laid down on the bench opposite Josh to rest when you felt the bus come to a stop. You turned to look at Josh, waiting for him to rouse, but he didn’t. He looked so peaceful laying there, his curly hair framing his face which was completely relaxed, his pink lips slightly open as he breathed deeply in and out. Walking quietly, you went to gently place your hand on his arm to wake him. He unconsciously reached out and put his hand over yours, rubbing his thumb against the top of your hand slowly. 

“Hey Josh,” you whispered, lowering yourself to get closer to him so he could hear you. He still didn’t stir, clearly deep in a dream as he mumbled softly to himself and maintained his grasp on your hand. The doors of the bus rattled open and Jake suddenly appeared, glancing back and forth between you and Josh. “Help?” you whispered, gesturing to his hold on your hand. Jake chuckled and walked towards his twin, smacking his leg a couple of times. “Josh, let go,” Jake commanded, reaching out to lightly pop his hand. Josh jolted awake and turned to glare at Jake, clearly irritated with the rude awakening. He looked down and realized he was still holding onto your hand and he instantly let go, turning to face you. “Sorry, I uh…” Josh stammered as he pushed himself up and started to pick up his pens and markers. “He sometimes just reaches out and grabs hold of whoever is next to him. He used to do it all the time when we were little. Luckily he didn’t pull you on top of him. He’s been known to do that too,” Jake said with a laugh, Josh shooting daggers at him. 

Danny and Sam appeared in your work area, Sam sporting a dark pair of sunglasses. “Looks like you’re alive!” you teased, hoping to gauge Sam’s reaction. He responded with a shrug. “Well, we have the rest of the day off, what shall we do?” Danny asked before taking a seat next to Josh, helping him finish putting his art materials into the small canvas bag he had. Jake had pulled his phone out and was scrolling. “Phillies game?” Jake suggested and Josh clapped his hands. “I want a hot dog!” he exclaimed, suddenly very awake and back to his animated self. Danny turned to face you. “Will you come with us?” he asked. Josh chimed in. “Yes! Come! It will be so fun! You said you were done with the next set of outfits, so you should have time! Right?” You nodded slowly, weighing the options. You wanted to go- you loved baseball and hanging out with the group was so much fun, but you did have some things you should get done and were unsure of where you stood with Sam. You glanced over at him but he was caught up in his phone. 

“Why not? I do love some baseball,” you agreed. “I’ll double check and see if any of the crew wants to go too,” Jake added, pulling out his phone to send a group message. “Let’s take everything up to the rooms,” Danny added, gesturing towards the hotel. You grabbed your suitcase and backpack before making your way off of the bus, you and Jake inviting Albert on your way out the door. “No, I have a date with my bed. Y’all have a great time though!” Albert said, giving you a wink. 

Emily met you in the lobby of the hotel, handing everyone their keys. “Y’all have fun tonight. Please stay out of the media, and be ready to head to the venue at 11 am for soundcheck.” The group nodded and you all headed up to the floor you all shared, once again. “Alright, the game starts at 4:30, it’s 3:00 now, so leave at 3:30? Is that enough time for everyone?” Jake asked before the group broke up. You all agreed and went your separate ways to get ready for the evening game.

The hotel room was nice, albeit small. You threw your suitcase onto the desk and opened it, knowing you needed to pick an outfit and probably shower. You settled on a pair of ripped, dark-wash jeans, a plain white v neck and your trusty jean jacket. A quick shower refreshed your mind and body. You quickly applied a light layer of makeup and added some product to your hair so that it’d dry in a more controlled pattern of natural waves. 

You knocked on the twin’s door, hoping they hadn’t left yet, but there was no response. You checked your phone- it was only 3:26. You moved on to Sam and Danny’s door and knocked quietly. The door opened almost instantly, Danny greeting you with a grin. “Come on in, Sam is finishing up. The twins are probably running late, like always,” he said as he backed up, letting you walk in. 

You walked past Sam who was bent over the counter, picking at something on his face in the mirror. “You okay?” you asked and instantly froze. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” He shot back defensively. You held up your hands. “Just checking in on you. I know you weren’t feeling good earlier,” you said, hoping you were hinting that you cared about him, even if you didn’t in the way he wanted. “He’s fine, just a baby,” Danny joked as went to sit on the foot of one of the beds, bending to slip on and tie his shoes. You sat on the other bed, watching him as his long fingers worked to quickly throw the laces over each other and tie them quickly into a bow. He finished and sat back, grinning at you. “So, you like baseball?” he asked. You nodded. “I used to play softball in high school. I was a pitcher,” you responded, giving him a grin. “Damn, you’ve been holding out on us! A woman of many talents,” Danny replied. 

You both jumped at the sounds coming from the door. It sounded like someone was trying to knock the door off of its hinges. “Jake and Josh,” Danny said, answering your question of who the hell would be knocking that loud. Sam opened the door and the twins filtered in. “Are we ready?” Josh asked. He was dressed in a casual jumpsuit he’d actually commissioned from you before you’d been brought onboard to work on their stage outfits. It was the first project you’d worked on for him, when you knew that you both had an artistic connection. You smiled as you walked over and gently reached out to run your hand along one of the pockets you’d embroidered the sides of. He turned to watch you, grinning. “I guess you recognize this, huh?” Josh said, giving you a somewhat shy grin. That’s new. I’ve never seen this man shy before. Ever. You smiled and nodded, the memories of the first time you ever heard his voice rushing into the forefront of your mind.

A year earlier…

“Hi, uh, my name is Josh Kiszka. I am calling in regards to some, uh, design work I’ve seen? That you’ve done? I was given your name by Jim Jackson of the Ivys. I loved the jumpsuit you made for him and wanted to see if you were taking on new clients. I’m in a band called Greta Van Fleet and we are looking for someone new who would be willing to take us on. I saw your portfolio and I’m just… blown away by your work. Truly just, ethereal. And the mixed media work is just something else. Truly groundbreaking. Anyways, give me a call back at…”

You still had the voicemail saved in your phone. You had googled Josh and the band the moment you got the message, falling in love with the premise of their band, the message behind the music and, of course, the fashion. Something about the frontman’s presence really sold you on wanting to work with this band. You had immediately called Josh back and gotten to work on your first trial project for him.

Present day

“Alright so I’ll text you guys your tickets. The uber should be here in about 3 minutes, so we should head down to the lobby. There’s a couple other roadies that are gonna meet us there- it should be Jack, Damion and then Olivia and Ava. They’re just now getting into town so they’ll need to stop here first,” Jake explained, giving you an overview of the game plan. You knew Jack was one of their other tour managers, Damion was his assistant, Olivia did social media and Ava did both social media and marketing and helped Emily as a part-time assistant. You’d met them in passing and were excited to get to spend time with them. The camaraderie among the tour group was something you really were starting to enjoy, even if you were typically alone while you worked. 

The uber pulled up outside of the lobby and you all got in, the group letting you sit in the front seat. The drive to the park went quickly as you all listened to your driver recount the crazy things he’d seen throughout the day in the city. 

You’d pulled up your ticket on your phone as you all walked in, each person scanning their ticket before walking through the security process. You all met up on the other side, taking a moment to try to get your bearings. “I think our seats are over that way,” Danny said, gesturing to the left. “I thought they were that way,” Jake countered, pointing in the opposite direction. “I would’ve figured you guys would have a box or something, being rockstars and all,” you jested. Sam shrugged and finally spoke to you for the first time that day. “We could probably pull some strings.” Jake shook his head. “I just want a normal experience for once. We will be fine. Let’s get some beers first and then we can find our seats.” “Ah, yes, because alcohol makes everything easier to find,” Josh said with a chuckle. You couldn’t help but laugh, knowing there was some truth. “Oh, you know all about not being able to find things, don’t you, dear brother,” Sam taunted. The group got silent and you knew Sam had once again hit a nerve. Does he mean… sexually or literally? Either way, what a shitty comment Sam. Josh waved him off and linked his arm in yours on one side, Jake’s on the other before pulling you both along with him towards the bar.

After everyone had their respective drinks, Josh was able to find a worker and ask for directions, much to Jake’s chagrin. The group followed the slightly confusing directions and you were able to find your seats after a few minutes and many flights of stairs. You filed into your seats and sat. You turned to realize Danny was sitting on your left, and Sam was on your right. 

This won’t be awkward at all. 

You all sipped on your drinks as Josh flipped through a program, leaning over to show the group various things he found of interest. “I don’t even know what their mascot is supposed to be. Is it a dragon? Or like, a muppet-type thing?” Josh asked as he showed you a picture. “I think it’s supposed to be a bird,” Danny answered, his eyes trained on the field below. “He freaks me out,” Sam added, giving you a grimace. You nodded in agreement. “Look, he’s got a weird little tongue too,” Josh said, pointing to another picture, his face pinched in disgust. 

You stood for the national anthem and listened as a local singer belted out the words, rather poorly. “Should’ve asked me to do it,” Josh joked after you all had sat back down, “at least I would’ve been on key.” Jake snorted. “Have you ever sung the national anthem for anything like this?” you asked Josh. “No, I actually haven’t,” he replied as he took another sip of his drink. “They don’t typically want someone wailing for the national anthem,” Sam joked and Josh rolled his eyes. “I’d like to hear you do it. I think it’d sound pretty good,” you countered. Sam shifted beside you. “Don’t praise him too much, his ego is big enough already,” Danny warned and you laughed in response. 

“Well, it looks like the other group won’t be able to make it. They ended up getting in a fender bender just outside of the city and have to deal with that,” Jake announced. You all grumbled, sad they wouldn’t be able to join you. “Everyone is okay, right? Nobody got hurt?” Danny asked, clearly worried about the group. Jake confirmed that everyone was fine, albeit annoyed. 

“I don’t know about you guys, but I need a refill,” Sam said, rising from his seat. Danny nodded, his eyes never leaving the game. Jake and Josh agreed and you stood too. “I’ll come help,” you said, figuring you needed to clear the air and that it was now or never. Sam’s face went still and you could tell he was panicking ever so slightly. “Uh, yeah, okay,” he replied as you both turned to descend the steps to the main part of the arena. 

“Look…” Sam started as soon as you were away from the noise of the crowd. You waited for him to continue. “I messed up last night. I completely misread the situation and I’m really sorry. Can we just pretend it never happened?” Sam asked, his voice drenched in anxiety. You nodded, placing your hand on his shoulder. “I’m really sorry Sam.” He shrugged. “It’s fine, really. It’s nothing,” he replied as he turned to continue walking in search of refills.

I don’t think it’s nothing, but at least it’s been addressed.

You followed him up to the counter of one of the park’s bars and listened as he ordered another round. He paid for the drinks, making sure to leave a decent tip. You grabbed your drink and Danny’s and Sam grabbed the other three. You made your way back to your seats in silence, following Sam as he weaved through the crowds. You both sighed with relief when you’d made it back, both of you unconsciously tense. Whether it be from the crowds, or the awkward silence between you, being back with the group eased the tension. 

You handed Danny his drink and he gave you a bright smile. The way the skin around his eyes crinkled when he smiled and his freckles bounced was truly gorgeous. 

Chill out, he’s just a man. 

You sat back down, Josh leaning over to fill you in on what had happened while you were gone, Danny translating when you couldn’t discern what Josh was talking about. You all laughed as you listened to Josh’s versions of events, including a recount of his spotting of the mascot. “Shit’s terrifying,” Josh said, gesturing to the green bird-like creature that was down on the field. 

You all made it to the bottom of the fourth inning before the drinks were gone and everyone was hungry. Josh offered to make this trip down to the concessions and you agreed to go with him so you could use the bathroom. “I can come help,” Danny offered but Josh waved him off. “Someone has to stay, watch and be able to update us,” Josh replied, gesturing at Jake, who was on his phone, and Sam, who was too busy watching the crowd to watch the game. “Text what you guys want in the group chat. And text me if that bird makes a move,” Josh instructed before taking the lead down the stairs. 

Once you had made it into the stadium, you pointed to the bathroom. “I’ll catch up with you!” you promised before darting into the bathroom. 

Josh was waiting for you outside of the bathroom when you emerged. He waited for me. “I only got asked for a picture once,” he chuckled as you walked towards the closest concession stand. “Really?” you asked and he nodded. “Super sweet group of girls! They’re in town for the concert tomorrow!” he said with a smile. He clearly loved the group’s fans, even if they could be intense. 

Josh pulled out his phone and read off the order to the concession stand worker when you arrived at the window. Everyone got hot dogs, except you and Sam- you’d opted for a pretzel and Sam for nachos. Josh paid for the order and you both carried the food back to the seats, Josh letting you walk first as he followed. 

You’d settled back into your seats and Danny was updating you on the game as Josh scanned the field for the mascot. “Is he actually scared of that thing?” you whispered to Danny. He gave you a look and nodded. “Ah, there’s the fucker,” Josh mumbled, pointing. You couldn’t help but laugh. “Josh, it’s not like he’s going to come up here and get you,” you reminded. He turned and gave you a serious and terrified look. “Don’t even say that,” he hissed, “you’ll manifest that shit.” The rest of you were in tears as you all laughed at his seriousness. “He’s always been like this,” Jake interjected and you stopped to look at Josh. “Josh, it’s a common fear! Something about not being able to see someone’s face is kinda scary,” you replied, reaching out to place a hand over his. He rolled his eyes and continued eating his hot dog.

Sam bought another round of beers from a vendor walking the stands at the top of the seventh. “I forget how long these games are,” Sam protested, handing you a beer. You cracked it open and took a sip before nudging him. “At least the home team is winning. I’m sure there’d be more people watching if they weren’t though.” He nodded and laughed before pointing to show you someone’s funny hat that he’d spotted earlier. Maybe we are okay. 

“Oh shit,” Danny grumbled, nudging you with his knee. You looked up towards where he was pointing and saw yourself on the big screen. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw the caption on the screen- Kiss Cam! The camera was trained on you and Danny, the crowd egging you both on. You both shook your heads, but the crowd was relentless. You turned to look at him and he gave you a smile and shrugged. You nodded and you both gave in to the overwhelming peer pressure as Danny leaned forward to kiss you. 

He kissed you gently, his lips softer than you could’ve imagined. The kiss was only for a second, more of a peck than an actual kiss. He pulled away and turned to wave to the camera, you copied him as you forced yourself to laugh it off. 

The truth was that you hadn’t taken a breath the entire time and had to remind yourself when you began to feel lightheaded. “You okay,” Danny whispered. You nodded and took a sip of your beer, playing it off as you watched another couple fall victim to the camera. Sam had grown incredibly still beside you, clutching his can of beer. “Shit,” Jake mumbled and you all turned to look at him. He held his phone towards the group and Danny reached forward to take it. He tilted the screen towards you and you saw a tweet featuring you and Danny’s faces on the jumbotron with a caption that read “GVF is at the Phillies game?! WHAT?!” You had a sinking feeling in your stomach. “Shit,” Danny muttered before turning to Jake and Josh, “we gotta get out of here.” 

You grabbed your trash and headed down the stairs quickly. Jake pulled a security guard aside and tried to explain the situation to him, but it was too late. People around you had pulled out their phones and a group had gathered at the bottom of the stairs. “Oh, shit,” Josh said, eyes wide. The security guard called over the walkie and received some instructions, ushering you towards a different exit. You followed him quickly, the group moving behind you. The guard swiped his key card and escorted the group into a room, telling you to hang tight and that someone would be with us in a moment. 

You realized where you were when you turned around. The guard had brought you to a private box. You walked over to the glass wall overlooking the field. “May as well watch the game,” you said as you sat in one of the cushy chairs facing the field. Josh and Danny nodded in agreement and took chairs on either side of you. Jake continued to pace near the front of the room, talking on the phone to someone. Sam was walking around the room, looking in cabinets and examining the framed pictures and memorabilia. 

A few minutes passed and you all turned to face the door when it opened. A woman and man walked into the room, moving to shake Jake’s hand and then Sam’s. You, Josh and Danny walked over to join the conversation. The woman shook your hands when you approached and introduced herself as Samantha, the PR person for the team. The man with her was a social media representative and introduced himself as Jack. You all exchanged pleasantries and you introduced yourself since you knew they likely wouldn’t know who you were.

 “We were wondering if we could do a PR-type thing for our social media? We will talk over the details with your management if you have their information,” Samantha inquired. Jake nodded and Sam butted in, “we were actually on our way out. We have a show tomorrow and…” Samantha cut him off, “oh, yes, we totally understand. But we think this could be a really good opportunity.” Jake pulled a business card out of his wallet and handed it to her. “Give our tour manager a call and let us know what she says,” Jake said before sending a few texts. Samantha nodded and left the room, Jack following closely behind her. 

“Fuck, I wish we could just go,” Sam complained, sinking into one of the plush seats. “I texted Emily and told her to decline on our behalf. Hopefully she can turn this woman down,” Jake countered, sitting down in the chair next to Sam. “They probably just want a couple of pictures. I’m sure it’ll be quick,” Danny offered, patting Sam’s shoulder. 

Samantha and Jack came back into the room carrying a few jerseys. “So we talked to your manager and she agreed that a picture would be good PR for both parties. So, we brought you guys some custom jerseys and if we could just get one picture, we will get you guys out of here,” Samantha said. The group had switched into their PR mode and willingly accepted, putting the jerseys on over their clothes. The door opened and a photographer walked in, holding the door for none other than the mascot that you’d seen walking the field. 

You turned to look at Josh, whose face had gone pale, eyes wide with panic. The other boys had started to laugh, but you realized Josh was barely holding it together. You quickly walked over to him and placed yourself between him and the obscenely large green fuzzy “muppet-looking thing”. You placed both hands on Josh’s shoulders and gently reminded him to breathe before playing off the move like you were straightening his jersey. He gave you a panicked look and Jake came over to stand next to Josh, finally realizing how freaked out he was. The photographer motioned for the group to move in front of the glass, and you grabbed everyone’s stuff to hold. Jake put a protective arm around Josh, making sure to keep himself between Josh and the mascot. The group lined up for a photo, Josh pulling out his acting skills to instantly relax his posture and pose for the photo. As soon as the flash went off and the photographer gave the okay, Josh darted over to you. He stood slightly behind you and you turned to play off the interaction as you giving him his jacket back. The mascot waved before being ushered out of the room, Josh sighing with relief once it was gone.

Samantha had arranged for an escort out of the box to an uber. You all prepared to step out of  the box, multiple security guards standing around you, although you still believed it was all overabundant caution. As soon as the doors opened, you realized you probably needed more security guards than you had. There was a huge group of people surrounding the box, all holding phones and yelling. They lined the walls as far as you could see, no break to be seen as you started to panic. 

You felt a hand intertwine with yours and you looked down to see Josh’s hand holding onto yours for a moment before he squeezed and let go, giving you a reassuring smile. Danny came up on the other side of you, putting his arm over your shoulder and pulling you into his side protectively. The group began walking forward, leaving the safety of the private room, the noise level rising as soon as you stepped into the hall. 

Josh walked closely on your other side, Danny pressed against you on your other, Jake and Sam taking up the rear. The guys waved and smiled as they walked, occasionally moving closer together when the surrounding force of security was pushed inwards by over-excited people. You heard shrieking and turned to see a girl absolutely bawling as she pushed against the human security barricade, reaching out for Jake as he passed. He gave her a smile but continued on. 

The walk seemed to take forever, but you finally made it to a set of doors that led to the stadium’s back hallways. Once you made it through the doors, you felt yourself relax and Danny released his hold on you. “You okay?” Josh asked and you nodded. You really weren’t, but you knew you needed to put on a brave face. He reached out to squeeze your hand again, rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand as you walked, returning some of the comfort you’d given him earlier. 

You made it to the back exit and Danny put his arm over your shoulder again as you emerged from the building. There were flashes of light from what you guessed were more fans before you all climbed into a waiting uber. You felt yourself breathe again when the car moved forward, security helping clear the way. 

The drive back to the hotel was quiet, everyone likely a little shaken up over the experience. “So much for a quiet night,” Jake muttered and you all laughed. 

Luckily the hotel was devoid of fans and you were able to get in without issues. “I’m starving. Do you guys want to order something?” Sam asked on the ride up to the seventh floor. Everyone agreed. “We have the biggest room, do you guys want to head there?” Josh suggested. Everyone once again agreed and you headed to their room once the elevator doors slid open. 

Once inside the twin’s room, you were able to fully relax, releasing tension you hadn’t even realized you’d been holding. “I don’t know how you guys ever get used to that. It’s freaking scary,” you reflected as you took a seat at the table in the corner of the room. Jake chuckled, “it’s still a little nerve-wracking. But then I remember that they are all just excited and wouldn’t do anything to hurt us.” Josh nodded in agreement. “I don’t know, I think that kiss cam may have painted a target on our backs,” Danny joked, giving you a nudge as he took a seat next to you. “Yeah, I’m scared to see what twitter thought about that,” Jake added. “I’m sure people won’t even talk about it. Like, what a stupid thing to focus on,” you said. “I don’t know. There’s some groups that will absolutely spiral over anything. I have a feeling they’ll think you,” Jake pointed at you and Danny, “are an item. And we all know how that tends to go.”

The room was silent for a beat before you continued the conversation. “And what does that mean?” you asked, giving Jake a look. “He’s just being cryptic. It’s fine,” Danny answered, shooting Jake a look. “I hate to say it, but Jake’s right,” Sam added. “Look, can we just order some food? I’m hungry now and ready to get to relaxing,” Josh interrupted. He pulled up UberEats and you all decided on Indian. The order was placed and Jake flipped on the TV to find something for you all to watch while you waited. Josh immediately took over the remote, choosing an obscure movie none of you had heard of to watch.

About an hour later there was a knock at the door and Sam went to answer it. He brought the food in and set the bag on the table. You reached forward to help lay everything out, your hand gently grazing Sam’s for a split second before he jerked it away quickly. You brushed it off and  popped open your order, the smell of your favorite dish soothing you instantly. “I love Indian food. I think malai kofta would be my death row meal. If I could only choose one,” you revealed. Josh nodded intensely before giving you a grin. “It’s my favorite too. Indian food is,” he clarified. 

You all ate in silence as you continued to watch the movie. Jake groaned quietly and shifted to show Josh, who was sitting next to him on the floor, his phone. Josh made a disgruntled face and shook his head. “What is it?” you asked. Jake shook his head. “It’s nothing,” was all he gave you as a response as Danny and Sam both reached down to check their phones simultaneously. “If something is going on, I’d like to know about it,” you countered. Jake sighed deeply before giving you an answer. “People are pissed. They think you and Danny are together and that’s why you’re being seen in all these different places with us.” 

You scoffed at him. “There’s no way. A couple of people are upset because I work for you guys? I think these people need to take a step back from social media,” you replied, taking another bite of your food. “It’s not just a couple of people,” Josh said quietly. You turned to look at him and stopped mid-chew after realizing the look he was giving you meant this was serious. “What,” you questioned. “People are… pissed,” Jake replied. “It’s just because people are jealous. They like to think they know our lives when they don’t. They see a single snippet and just run with it,” Danny said as he stood up from his spot near you, clearly exasperated. “Well, I’m not worried about it,” you waved their concerns off. “Maybe you should post something. Clear the air,” Jake suggested. “Clear the air of what?” you questioned. “That you and Danny aren’t a thing,” he clarified. “Oh, yeah. I can do that. What should I post?” you replied, trying to remain casual. 

Jake patted to the spot on the bed next to him and you went to sit by him. He helped you pick out a few pictures from the ones you’d snapped earlier. He put them in order on your instagram- first one of you with your pretzel standing in front of a railing overlooking the game, next one you’d had someone behind you take of the whole group, followed by a shot you’d taken of your beer in your hand with the field in the background. “Perfect. Caption it something about work,” Sam said as he leaned in to check your progress. “What about ‘work outing’ or something? You have pretty simple captions so that should work, right? Not too off-track from the usual?” Danny offered. You nodded and added the caption. “Do I tag you guys or what?” you asked. Jake nodded and you added the tags to the picture of the group. You posted and collapsed back on the bed. “Social media sucks,” you said quietly. Josh enthusiastically agreed as he threw his phone onto the bed, making a funny noise and flipping it off as it bounced, causing you to giggle. 

Danny and Sam walked you to your room after the twins kicked you out. It was about 1 am now, the events of the day were finally catching up to you. “Promise me one thing,” Danny said as he leaned against your door frame, catching the door before it closed behind you. You turned to face him, realizing he was standing very close to you. “Stay off social media tonight. Please,” he gently insisted. You nodded before telling him and Sam, who was standing over to the side, goodnight.

You went through your nighttime routine quickly, ready to climb under the fluffy hotel duvet and forget the day. Flipping off the bathroom light, you changed into your pajamas before slipping into bed, the cool sheets quickly warming with your body heat. After setting your alarm for 9:00 am so you could catch the end of the hotel’s breakfast, you placed your phone on the nightstand and shut off the lamp. Your phone called to you and you couldn’t push aside the overwhelming feelings of curiosity- what exactly had the boys seen that made them so concerned?

You wished you hadn’t looked. Sitting up in bed, you had tears falling down your cheeks as you clutched your phone to your chest. Danny had been right to tell you not to look online- twitter, instagram and even facebook were filled with a sea of disgusting comments and threats. There were comments about your body, your looks, the way you talked, the way you kissed, your art, even about the beer you’d drunk. Everyone had something negative to say, all of them angry at you. 

Work outing? As if she isn’t fucking all of them for the fame… gross

Is she their social media person? It’d check out… I figured it would be someone who is the epitome of a hot mess.

Danny’s really lowered his standards with this one.

All you would see when you closed your eyes were the nasty comments and awful edits people had made of you. Your face was plastered all over the fandom, not a single person willing to stick up for you. 

You cried yourself to sleep, the exhaustion from the past few days and the mental toll of so much hate eventually knocking you out.  

__________________________________________________________

As soon as the alarm went off, you groaned and slapped at your phone, begging the noise to stop. The memories of the previous night came rushing back, hitting you like a slap in the face. You rolled out of bed and headed into the bathroom, knowing you needed to hurry if you wanted to make breakfast.

You did as much damage control as you could, your face and eyes still exceptionally puffy and red from the night of crying. While brushing your teeth, you started to check the notifications on your phone before stopping and turning off notifications for everything but texts and calls. No use giving in to the hatred. They’ve done enough damage already. You slipped on a comfy two-piece set, grabbed your backpack and headed to breakfast. 

The dining room was mostly empty. You made a plate and found a seat in the corner before pulling out your sketchbook. May as well turn this negative energy into something positive. You’d started to design a final element for Jake’s Florida suit when Josh materialized in front of you, carrying a plate and his journal. He gestured to the seat across from you and you nodded. 

Josh sat down and looked at you, searching your face. Josh took a bite of his bagel and chewed for a second before speaking. “You looked. Didn’t you?” was all he said, his tone quiet and gentle. You were still looking down at your sketch, but nodded. Suddenly the tears came back, leaking down onto the drawing you’d been working on. Josh reached over and gently removed the pencil from your hand and pulled the sketchbook away from the splash zone. He took your now-empty hand in his and ran his thumb over the back of your hand, comforting you. “I’m so sorry,” was all he was able to choke out. You looked up at him. He wasn’t crying, but he was clearly hurting for you. 

Josh shook his head before continuing. “I love them so much. Most of them, at least. Most of them, they’re good people. They really take being a part of the Peaceful Army to heart, stand for what we stand for. But some of them are just…” he trailed off, lost in thought. “They’re just not good people. I almost wish we could just cut them out. All the hate, it’s just too much sometimes,” he finished quietly. You nodded and wiped your face. 

Sam walked over and pulled a chair up to the table, interrupting the moment. He started to eat, completely unaware of what was going on. It was only when Jake sat down across from him and put a caring hand on your shoulder that he realized something was wrong. 

“What’s up?” Sam asked, still slightly oblivious. Danny pulled up another chair and set his food down before putting an arm around your shoulders and giving you a squeeze. “I’m guessing you didn’t follow my request,” Danny said quietly and you nodded. “Oh shit,” Sam interjected, “how much did you see?” 

You wiped your face and decided to be brave. “Enough. People really have nothing better to do, huh?” you said with a stiff chuckle before taking a bite of your eggs. Jake, sensing your want to change the subject, pointed to the sketch you’d been working on. “Who is that for?” he asked, although he likely already knew the answer. “You, for sure. Who else would wear something like this?” you asked and he nodded in agreement before launching into a series of questions about the design and the elaborate beadwork you’d outlined for the back panel. 

You all headed back upstairs to pack up your belongings before boarding the buses and heading to the venue. Packing was getting easier and you were able to get loaded onto the bus quickly. You spent the extra time checking the outfits and making sure they were ready for their debut that night. 

Albert came back to check on you a little before 11 am. “Did you have fun last night?” he asked, clearly unaware of the drama that had ensued. You filled him in on the events from the night, leaving out the part about social media and the kiss. He listened, completely intrigued. “I’m so glad you have those boys to keep you safe from the crowds. I’d hate to see you get hurt.” He paused. “Well, get hurt again. Although I know that,” he gestured to your cheek, which was no longer as swollen, “was an accident.” You nodded in agreement and he headed up to the front to prepare for “take off” as he called it. 

You weren’t surprised to see Danny board your bus, but you were surprised to see Sam. “We figured we’d ride with you,” Sam said, giving you a smile. “If that’s okay,” Danny added, waiting for your confirmation. “The more the merrier!” you agreed. 

________________________________________________________

The venue staff had met you at the bus to help you get the wardrobe off. You’d placed everything into each member’s dressing room and were sitting in the sitting area outside the dressing rooms answering emails when you saw Josh. He came over and sat in one of the large chairs positioned next to the loveseat you sat cross legged on. “How was sound check?” you inquired. He shrugged and leaned back in the chair, uncharacteristically still. A few moments later, you heard his breathing slow and his leg twitched, a sure sign he was asleep. I wonder why he came out here. His dressing room furniture must not be very comfortable. You continued to work on emails, sending Jen a text update as you worked.

You saw Emily for the first time that day as she hurried by with a few members of the venue staff, carrying large trays of sandwiches. Emily nodded towards Josh and you nodded back, understanding the message. You leaned over and jostled Josh’s leg, hoping he’d wake up more easily this time. Sure enough, his head popped up and he gave you a questioning look before looking around the room. “I can’t believe I fell asleep,” he said, running a hand through his loose curls. “I can. It’s been a long day already. You sat down and instantly fell asleep,” you explained. “They just brought in sandwiches,” you pointed out, gesturing to the end of the hall. That was all it took to wake him up completely and he was on his feet in a second. “Come on,” he garbled, reaching for your hand and pulling you behind him gently. 

You and Josh made your sandwich selections and Josh chatted with some of the venue staff. “Can you go find Sam and send him down, please?” Emily asked you quickly as you walked by. You nodded and headed to find his dressing room. 

Sam’s door was closed and you knocked lightly. You waited, but there was no response besides some slight shuffling. You knocked again, this time a bit louder. “Uh… just a second!” you heard Sam call from behind the door. Shrugging to yourself, you took a seat in the chair outside his room and waited. 

A few minutes later, Sam popped his head out. “You okay?” you asked, noticing that his hair was sticking to trails of sweat on his face. “Oh, uh, yeah. What’s up?” he shot back, shifting uncomfortably. “Well, they brought sandwiches and Emily asked me to let you know. You’d better make a move, they’re going quick,” you informed, gesturing with your plate towards the end of the hall. “Okay, thanks,” Sam said quickly before shutting the door. That was weird. Shaking off the odd interaction, you headed back to your seat to continue with your email, which had gotten seriously backed up. 

Someone sat down in the chair next to you, so you looked up. “Hey, Danny,” you greeted with a smile, which he easily returned. “These are really good,” he replied, lifting his sandwich. You nodded in agreement and had just opened your mouth to respond when Sam’s door flew open. You and Danny both turned to watch a girl walk out quickly before a beat passed and Sam walked out behind her. She scurried down the hall and out of sight as Sam walked towards the sandwiches. Instantly, your eyes met Danny’s. He gave you a befuddled look and shrugged. 

Sam returned to your area a moment later, taking a seat on the other side of Danny before taking a bite of his sandwich. You and Danny both watched him, waiting for him to explain. Sam looked up from his sandwich and caught you both looking at him. “What?” he asked, his mouth full. Jake had made his way to the group and sat across from you, next to Sam. Danny shot Sam a look and he shrugged in response. “I don’t know what you guys are being weird about,” Sam shook his head, taking another large bite. Jake looked from Danny to Sam and then to you. “What’d he do?” Jake asked, taking a bite of his own sandwich. Josh walked quickly down the hall and took the chair on your other side, sipping from a paper cup as he assessed the group. “Who was that girl Sam?” Josh asked quietly.

Leave it to Josh to ask the million dollar question. You all watched him and waited for an answer. “Just some girl who works the venue,” Sam said casually. Jake rolled his eyes and sat back, “I thought you were going to quit doing this shit. Especially after what happened last tour.” The air grew incredibly tense. You stood, gathering your stuff, “I’m gonna go search for some help and get the wardrobe brought in.” Danny stood and followed. “I’ll come help.” You nodded and he followed behind you towards the back doors. 

Once you’d made it outside, Danny cleared his throat and ran a hand lightly over his curls, clearly uncomfortable. Once you’d input the code on the bus door, it opened and you both stepped inside, closing the door behind you. Danny leaned against the table, watching you as you gathered everything. 

You turned to face him. “Is everything okay?” Danny nodded and you turned back to your task. “I should probably explain,” Danny said as he reached out for the box of shoes you had pulled from the closet. You turned back to face him. “You don’t have to. Clearly there’s some history and an issue there. It’s none of my business.” He shook his head. “No, it’s not fair for you to be around the arguing and have no idea. Basically, at the end of the last tour, Sam had just broken up with his girlfriend and he went a little crazy, hooked up with a couple of girls, pretty irresponsible. It almost got him in some big trouble, especially from a PR standpoint.” 

Danny paused briefly before continuing. “Anyways, he spent time working on himself and we all figured he was coming into this tour really solid. As you can tell, he’s been really off. I think the whole thing is just a lot for him at the moment. Something really sent him for a loop, but I have a feeling he will get over it. Jake and Josh will lay down the law and it’ll be fine.”

You nodded slowly as you took everything in. I definitely have made everything about ten times worse. “That’s just… crazy,” you replied. I should just tell Danny. He’ll know what to do. “Actually, I feel like I may know what…” you started before you were interrupted by Jake storming onto the bus. 

“He’s an idiot. Doesn’t even see why he shouldn’t just be hooking up with random girls. Especially when we need to be focused,” Jake said, sighing with exasperation. You and Danny both turned to look at him as he took a seat on one of the benches, arms crossed. “Was he at least safe and…” Danny started. Jake nodded but pressed his pointer fingers into his temples as he did so.

The three of you stood in silence for a moment as you quietly pulled the night’s wardrobe from the rack, Danny taking pieces from you to hold. Danny cleared his throat once you’d gathered everything and Jake turned to look at him. “We need to get back inside. Let’s just try to focus on giving this group a good show, doing what we do best,” Danny said, giving Jake a tense smile. Jake nodded and grabbed the box of shoes and jewelry from the table before heading back to the venue.

You worked to quickly deliver the outfits to each dressing room, Jake and Danny recruiting venue staff to help. The three of you walked into Sam’s room last and found him laid out on a couch in the middle of the room, Josh sitting on the end. Josh gave Jake a look that, to you, looked like whatever conversation Jake had walked away from didn’t end well. Sam turned to look at the group. “What is this? Some kind of weird intervention?” Sam asked.  

Sam started to laugh, at first just chuckling before it turned into full fledged gasping for air. Clearly he found himself hilarious tonight. Sam pointed at you. “She didn’t even tell you guys, did she?” he asked between pants. “Tell us what?” Danny asked as he came into the room, assessing the situation. You looked at Sam and shook your head, trying to let him know that he really didn’t need to do this right now. “You know what? Never mind. Now, can I get dressed without an audience?” Sam finished, taking another sip of his drink. Everyone filed out, clearly having more questions than answers.

You found yourself back in the seat you’d sat in earlier, working on yet another project. This time, it was the side of one of Sam’s suits that you held in your lap as you applied beadwork around the embroidered flowers that decorated the fabric. Jake was the first one dressed and he came to show you. “Looks great, Jake. How does it feel?” you asked as you finished the flower you were on. He beamed at you as he inspected the dark blue suit adorned with light blue, lightning-type designs. “Feels great. I keep thinking that I’ve found my favorite suit, but each time you give me something new, I’m proven wrong.” 

He moved to sit next to you. “Do you know what Sam was talking about earlier?” Jake whispered. It’s not really my issue to tell. Obviously it’s affected Sam, and therefore it’s his embarrassing story to tell. “No idea,” you lied, turning back to start a new line of beads. Jake nodded, although you could tell he didn’t believe you. 

Danny came out next, finishing the prep on his drumsticks as he came to show you his outfit. “I like this one a lot,” Danny added as he finished placing the electrical-type tape around the bottom of the stick, ripping it with his teeth. He looked great in his slightly sheer cutoff shirt and dark blue pants that you’d painstakingly applied hundreds of rhinestones along the sides of. “I don’t know how you don’t rip your teeth out,” Josh said with a shiver as he came to stand in front of you, doing a little theatrical twirl. He looked stunning in his latest jumpsuit. It wasn’t as ornate as his other ones, but the light blue fabric with shimmery overlay and rhinestone swirls looked perfect on him.

Sam was the last to join the group, his outfit your favorite of the lot. This suit didn’t have a wing like some of his other suits, but the feather and wing-type application of lighter colored threads on the lapels still gave a nod to birds. His dark blue lame-type pants completed the ensemble. You’d been a little worried about putting men in pants adorned with glitter and sparkles, but everything tied together flawlessly. “You guys look great. Have an amazing show,” you grinned as venue staff ushered them towards the stage. 

There was no monitor backstage, so you could only discern what was happening based off of the crowd and music you could make out from behind multiple walls. Your hands moved quickly as you worked to finish Jake’s jacket for Georgia. No idea why I’m working on this when I need to finish Sam’s jacket for the next show. Georgia is in like, 3 weeks. You decided to get out of your own head, remembering that bead work takes longer than the other types of embellishment you’d be using. 

Time flew by as you worked, your hands cramping from the repetitive movements. You snapped a picture of your progress and sent it to Jen, who had been incredibly busy on a new project. You were hunched over, fingers moving furiously when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You nearly jumped out of your skin, arms flying up and making contact with the person standing over you as you lurched backwards. 

“It’s just me! I’m sorry!” Danny exclaimed, instantly removing his hand. “Shit, sorry Danny!” You instinctively reached out to place a hand over his side where you’d smacked him. You felt him start to move away at your touch before he stopped, letting your hand rest on his side. You felt him breathe in steadily, your hand moving with his side. Breaking from your trance, you removed your hand before smiling shyly. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to whack you. You okay?” you asked. Danny gave you a grin and nodded. “It takes a lot more than that to hurt me. I grew up with the Kiszkas, okay?” he joked. Josh appeared next to Danny, giving you a wide smile. “How’d it go?” you inquired, both of them shrugging. Josh turned to look behind him before whispering his answer. “We were a little off. Jake’s still pretty pissed and Sam was just… off. Like he’s been.” 

Danny nodded and continued, “it still went pretty well though, considering. The crowd was really great.” Jake walked up and poked Josh in the side, causing him to jump sideways into Danny. Josh shot him an annoyed glance before turning to head back to his dressing room. “That looks great,” Jake panted, still slightly out of breath as the adrenaline wore off. “It’s coming along!” you replied, turning it to show him. You saw Sam head into his dressing room, luckily alone. Danny and Jake gave you a wave before heading in their respective directions to shower. Time moved quickly and soon you were loaded back on the bus, Josh seated on the floor scribbling furiously in his journal while Jake plucked away on a ukulele he’d shown up with. 

“Can we ride with you?” Josh had asked as you’d all been whisked out to the back door of the venue. “Of course,” you had replied, grabbing Josh’s bag from his shoulder as he headed over towards the group of fans gathered by a fence surrounding the backlot. Jake held his bag out for an assistant helping you all out, nodding towards you before following the group towards the fence. The assistant followed you onto your bus, a small group carrying the wardrobe behind you. You orchestrated where all of the various bits and pieces of the outfits went while placing you and Josh’s stuff on the main table, everyone moving quickly.

Now a hush fell over the bus aside from the scribbling of Josh’s pencils and gentle melodic plucking from Jake. You liked when the twins rode with you- their energies mellowed out as exhaustion fell over them and they brought positive, creative energy to your space. You’d finished Jake’s jacket and moved on to finishing stringing beads and embellishments on Sam’s jacket. You never really worried about the weight of his jackets because he almost always shed the jacket after the first song or two, opting to go bare-chested. 

The strings of glittery material made slight tinkling noises as you added them to the jacket, stringing them carefully in various patterns. You were using a form to hold the jacket upright and were having issues with the angles. “Fucking hate these things,” you muttered to yourself after sticking yourself in the same finger for the third time that night, turning to fumble in your bag for a bandaid as your finger started to bleed. 

“Oh god, are you okay?” Josh asked, standing up and coming over to you. He grabbed a tissue from a box sitting on a table by the bench and took your hand in his, inspecting your finger. “I usually don’t prick myself this hard, but I’ve hit the same damn spot like, three times,” you said, exasperated as he pressed the tissue onto the spot. He took the bandaid from you and carefully applied it before looking up at you. “You good?” he asked and you nodded. “Thanks,” you replied quietly as he threw the trash in a bin and went back to his spot on the floor, resuming his coloring as if nothing had even happened. 

You inspected the bandaid. He had wrapped it carefully around your finger, ensuring that you had full mobility of the joint so you could continue working. You looked over at him, blissfully unaware of how touched you were at his gesture. Jake’s phone started to ring and he answered it, having a quick conversation with whoever was on the other end. He hung up the call and sat up, turning to face you and Josh who were watching him. “We are going to stop and get gas in a few minutes. There’s a couple of places in the same complex where we can grab dinner,” Jake updated you. “Should I go tell Albert or does he know?” you asked. Jake shrugged so you headed up to the front of the bus to check in with Albert.

“Hey honey, what’s up?” Albert asked. You smiled at the name. “Did you hear from Dean? I think the other bus is planning to stop.” He nodded and pointed to the walkie talkie he had placed on his dash before giving you a wink. “Oh, I should’ve figured,” you laughed and he gave you a grin. “I appreciate you coming to check on me though. We should be stopping in about,” he paused and looked at the GPS attached to the dash of the bus, “ten minutes.” “I’ll let them know,” you said as you turned to head to the back of the bus. 

“We are about ten minutes out,” you let Jake and Josh know before you continued your project. You were able to get a few more strings onto the jacket before the bus came to a stop. Your group of three filed off, Albert promising to pick you up in the same place after he got gas. Danny and Sam walked over to you and your group headed into the gas station. 

“Well, I guess our options are Wendy’s and… gas station burritos,” Sam said, gesturing to the ‘closed’ sign on the door to the adjoined Taco Bell. Josh made a face at the suggestion of a gas station burrito, taking off in the direction of the Wendy’s. Everyone followed behind him and lined up to order. 

The food came out quickly and Jake checked to make sure the orders were split up correctly before handing Sam and Danny’s food to Danny. Jake headed out towards the bus without another word, carrying the rest of the food. Danny and Sam looked at each other and headed out behind him. “Well, I guess you’re stuck with us for the rest of the night,” Josh joked, putting his arm through yours as you followed behind everyone else. “I’d more so say you're stuck with me and my tinkling,” you laughed as Josh bumped hips with you. Everything seemed more fun with him around, so you didn’t mind at all that he’d be joining you, likely overnight. 

You got back on the bus and checked in on Albert, who was eating what looked to be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, before heading back to find your food laid out at what had been designated as “your” spot at the table. Josh sat to your right and Jake to your left at their respective spots. 

You all ate in silence as the bus headed back onto the interstate. Jake cleared his throat and looked over to you, waiting a moment before speaking. You watched him carefully as you waited. “Thanks for your help today. I know you didn’t sign on for all this. But I, we, appreciate it.” Jake spoke quietly, but you knew his words carried a lot of meaning. Jake was the quietest of the group so when he spoke, people were sure to listen. A man of fewer words than his twin, you knew he chose to speak with deliberation. You gave him a sincere smile and nodded. “I just hope things are okay.” Josh brushed Jake off with his hand. “Things will be fine. We just needed some time away from Sam. He hasn’t been making the best choices lately and we miss his goofiness. We’ve been missing that a lot this tour, but he will get it back.” You nodded and turned back to your potato as you all continued to eat in now comfortable silence.

Josh fell asleep on the bench again, journal rising and falling on his chest as he breathed deeply. Jake had made his way to the top bunk in the back shortly after 1 am, choosing comfort. You continued to work until about 3 am before checking in with Albert, who let you know you were still about seven hours from your destination. You warmed up his coffee for him in the microwave before brushing your teeth, changing into comfy clothes and making your way to your bunk, careful to roll into the bed quietly so as not to disturb Jake. You fell asleep to the swooshing of the tires on the road, hoping things would get a little easier. 

Little did you know things were going to be getting a lot messier.

Taglist: @eyelinerjake @radmads-gvf

[doraminatook]

I have struggled with mental health issues for the vast majority of my life, whether I knew it or not.

Because of that, it was difficult to hold down a job or even work enough hours to make any kind of living wage. If I spent longer than five hours at a place, being told what to do, I suddenly felt very claustrophobic and panicked. More than once, I unceremoniously left a job because I simply couldn't take the pressure.

Because of this, a part of me just assumed that I'd live with my parents forever, and while there is nothing AT ALL shameful about living with your parents, it was adding to my mental health problems (I love my mother very much but we cannot live together). I felt trapped.

I had lived in the dorms for two years of undergraduate career but when I ran out of money, I had to move back home for my junior and senior year. I moved out again when I was 24 and lived in the spare bedroom of my friend who charged me a mere $350 a month for really what should have been double that. HOWEVER, that only lasted six months after my car died and all of my money went into buying a new one. Back home I went.

Through a number of changes in my life (including finding the right therapist and the right medication), I eventually did fully move out when I was 27...with a lease and a security deposit and everything! It was a TINY apartment, but it was mine...shared with my roommate and best friend (who is low-key my platonic soulmate). After moving all my belongings into the building, I plopped down on the floor of my bedroom -- still without a bed at that time -- and just basked in the reality of it all. I had done it. I was living on my own. The thing I thought was so impossible had happened and I would work my a$$ off to make sure I never had to financially rely on my parents again.

I lived in that tiny apartment with my best friend (platonic soul mate) for seven years. SEVEN YEARS. Neighbors came and went. Friends constantly asked, "You're STILL there?" But it served us well, and both my BFF and I were in no rush to move somewhere that was outside our meager means.

The 31st of August marked out last official day in the apartment that had been our home through several break-ups, the pandemic, my BFF's cancer diagnosis and subsequent chemo treatment, an attempted break-in, the death of our beloved cat, and more.

As I removed the last of my belongings from my room, I laid on the floor (somewhat out of fatigue; moving is HARD) and once again simply basked in the reality of it all. This place had done a good job of housing me and helping me feel like "real" adult. It was a stepping stone to new adventures.

I was grateful for the tiny apartment that was never big enough to host parties AND the toilet seat that never fit right AND that creepy space behind the basement stairs that always fascinated the cats but I was too scared to check out.

Thank you, tiny apartment.

[illegally-blind-and-deaf]

Young Tintin Headcanons Because I Can and I'm a Sentimental Person

Also, Tintin's mother is blind. That's my own headcanon

Tintin learnt Braille through his mother reading him Braille books while he sat on her lap. She also taught him to write formally using Braille and it's because of her that he became such a good journalist.

He loved to make paper planes and kites out of everything: newspapers, discarded letters, anything he could get his hands on. He loved to study the way birds' wings curve to catch the air and spent hours reading about how planes fly.

Every day, after school, Tintin and his mother would go to the market, buy some fruit (strawberries, oranges, apples, whatever was available) and would eat them in the park. Even when it was raining, they would eat then splash in the puddles.

Tintin's mother was kind off eccentric, but in the appreciate-the-little-things eccentric. When it stormed, she would open the windows until rain began to puddle on the floor. She would also lie in the floor a lot, either on the grass or on the carpet becay se she liked the feel of the ground below her. Tintin learnt to do the same, noticing the minutia of life that was truly special that so often gets overlooked. He loves the clouds especially.

Tintin used to ask a lot of questions (and then follow up with "why?" 5 times.) His mother never grew bored of it and always answered to the best of her ability. When she didn't know something, they would go to the library and Tintin would read aloud to her what he found.

One of Tintin's friends went to America and bought back "The Wizard of Oz" soundtrack on a record for him. His favourite song was "Over the Rainbow", but it wasn't until after the war that generalised just how sad the song was.

Tintin's hair started off a really warm, golden blond that had a couple of copper streaks when the light hit it. As he got older, his hair got darker until it grew into a solid ginger hue.

Museums. Enough said. Entire days spent wandering around, exploring the artifacts and paintings. Art museums, Natura history, modern history, science, anything. If it was a museum, Tintin had been at least once.

Tintin grew to really appreciate music. He had piano lessons, but stopped due to money and a certain war and never picked it back up again, but he loved listening to music on the radio or gramaphone, either dancing or lying on the floor staring at the ceiling. He especially loved Debussy and other impressionist musicians.

One of the reasons Tintin is such a phenomenal writer is because he became accustomed to describing the world around him and the little things happening to his mother. Describing without relying of visual explanations was difficult, but he managed to convey that sunshine was like fresh bread.

He read many classics, such as Tolkien, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, Beatrix Potter, A A Milne, Mary Poppins, A Little Prince, etc. He was a very well-educated boy, despite hating school because everyone there were bullies and also he got bored very quickly writing simple sentences over and over again.

His baby teeth were crooked: his front two teeth were larger that the rest and overlapped with the other teeth. His adult teeth do the same, but much more subtly. You only notice if you stare hard enough.

Freckles. So many. That is all. Freckles.

He loved to dance. Just waving his arms about, twirling around in the living room, moving his body in any way he could to music or even just because.

He was in the Belgian resistance (Dutch-Paris network, 20th convoy and le faux soir) but if I say any more this will become too long and you will all hate me

Remember how Haddock asked Tintin if he could fly the plane and Tintin replied with "I interviewed a pilot once?" It was more of an interrogation between a British RAF pilot who had been shot down and a determined 11 year old Belgian boy in a dark basement somewhere on Rue Franklin as the pilot waited for his escape to Switzerland. Tintin had a book on planes and pestered the pilot to teach him how to fly planes until they had regular meetups in a broken garble of French and English.

[aalyre]

tbh as someone who still views kevin as cowardly despite all the arguments against it (I just don't find any of them convincing). I don't see why it bothers people sm? It doesn't hurt anyone for people to view him this way/have this opinion. I feel like most ppl just take it as an insult to his character, and then take it personal cuz they like his character

hi!! thank you for your ask!

I personally love this discourse because i LOVE analyzing characters and i LOVE kevin day so 🤝🤝

i just wouldn’t describe kevin day as a coward. i agree that he has acted cowardly before but i don’t believe that this makes him a coward.

here is the definition of coward according to Oxford Languages: a person who is contemptibly lacking in the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things.

to me, if there is one thing that kevin doesn’t lack, it’s the courage to endure dangerous/unpleasant things.

his time at the nest proves that he is able to endure unpleasant/dangerous situations but more importantly, his time at the foxhole court proves that he is able to put himself through unpleasant/dangerous situations for the sake of others

yes, he’s had cowardly moments, we can argue that his remaining as number 2 for so long when he was so obviously better is one (although extra content im pretty sure explains that he wasn’t even aware of this for the longest time since riko was always #1), the way he didn’t tell anyone about neil’s dad in baltimore (although we know it’s partly because he promised not to, partly because he wanted to believe that it wasn’t true) and so forth.

but the way that he decided to leave the nest when he KNEW that the moriyamas wouldn’t hesitate to kill him if they thought him worthless and bothersome (which he was being for them) and go to his dad (without knowing if he would ever accept him)

the way he spent weeks/months practicing relentlessly with his non dominant hand to be able to get back on the court, although it must have been very unpleasant and knowing that the moriyama’s (esp. riko and tetsuji) would be FURIOUS to see him playing for another team

him going out of his way to recruit andrew when he knew that he would be a pain to train, him covering his tattoo up, having it in himself to score the winning point in the finals knowing that it would again make the ravens furious, going against everything he knew (being second) for his actual desires.

him coming to see jean multiple times when he was at Abby’s, even though jean did not want to see him and even though it hurt them both, because he knew it was the right thing to do for jean. (could talk about them for hours)

all of this summarized is that 1) he has acted cowardly before 2) he has acted bravely before. but he made the difficult choices when it mattered, whether it was for himself or others, and being brave is not the same as being reckless. sometimes laying low is also brave, sometimes it’s neutral. and one thing about kevin day i believe is that he’s morally gray. (another discussion i could have but too long for this post)

i don’t believe that calling him a coward is an insult or a bad thing (honestly if i’d gone through what he went through i would act as the biggest coward) and i don’t believe that bravery is a quality that everyone should have (unlike idk respect/kindness stuff like that) so i don’t believe that kevin being brave = good and kevin being a coward = bad, i just don’t believe, after thoughts, that he is one

anyway i would actually love to hear your pov, and know that i respect it ofc!!!! that’s the cool thing about kevin, he’s so complex like ugh i love him

lots of love and take care!! (sorry if there are any typos i did not proofread this)