#after being emotionally starved in the relationship! for a few months!

[thebirthofvenusfly]

okay but i like thinking about the events of ISAT/siffrin's struggles not as them going from a party of normal people with normal struggles to "everyone essentially now has to help Sif heal from That," but as, "everyone in the party has had their own immense, long-term struggles, and this happens to be Siffrin's." like, siffrin is not just a, "problem child," or the standalone outlier in terms of angst

here me out

[major ISAT spoilers, especially for acts 3-5 btw]

siffrin doesn't know all these things in act 1, but:

Odile has had a life-long struggle with identity. Her mother abandoned her family at a young age, her father (presumably heartbroken and betrayed) has never kept any mementos or photos or stories of her and likely avoided speaking of her at any and all opportunities. For the most part, Odile loves her culture but admits she was an outlier in Ka Bue and always stood out from the texture of her hair and eyebrows. She's tried to settle before for the peace of just letting it be, but after meeting that travelling merchant, she realizes how badly she does want to bridge that gap in her identity and has now spent years travelling--all only to find that it didn't quite fix her problem and she hasn't been able to find herself entirely in Vaugarde either. She doesn't dwell too much on her mother, but I feel there is a part of her that could never forgive the hole her mother left behind.

Mirabelle has similarly struggled, though in terms of religion and sexuality. She holds herself to a very high standard of Changing and being a, "good," Housemaiden, and has gone to great lengths to learn as much as she can in efforts to reinvent herself and Change, as she feels she, "should," do, because that's what Housemaidens and diligent followers of the House of Change, "should," do. She is so adamant about this that even prior to the game, even prior to the King's reign--which was several months-a full year before ISAT begins--she is forcing herself to look into relationships to potentially date, bond, and even have children with someone and she doesn't want to do any of that it. She is distraught because she doesn't want to change that aspect. She doesn't want to become what she's not, or try to force herself to feel things she doesn't and can't feel, but she isn't being a good Housemaiden or a good member of her society if she stagnates.

Bonnie's plight primarily comes in with the King's reign, which again, has been for a few months now. They live with their older sister who loves them and cares for them tirelessly, but she is taken by the King's Curse and frozen in time--an event which presumably happens in front of Bonnie, who is encouraged by their sister's last words to just run from the village as far as they can to safety. If that isn't terrifying enough, this leads to them wandering the wilderness for days, exhausted, dehydrated, presumably starved/ill-fed, and lonely, and likely scared out of their mind. Their only saving grace is Siffrin, who happens to find them and save them. The comfort they feel with Sif is called into question when they have to watch Siffrin take a permanent, debilitating injury to the eye to protect them. While the incident seems to roll off Siffrin's worries pretty seamlessly, this is a lot for Bonnie, who by now, has recognized a pattern of the people they love being permanently hurt or altered in some way all just to protect them. They're convinced they're a recurring problem, and after the death ritual talk in the House, has to prepare themselves for the haunting reality that they might really lose everyone they love (and, again, this is a lot. Especially for a child).

Isabeau has tried Changing before, and while it did help him make leaps and bounds, he is still in a constant struggle to love himself fully. Let's be honest here: Isabeau is easily the most emotionally put-together party member, and most equipped to handle the stresses of the party in terms of feelings. This does not make him immune, however, to his own negative feelings. He even cites as wanting to become someone that Siffrin wouldn't be, "ashamed," to know. He also mentions that he is remorseful of the new image he's given himself, as an air-headed, jock type of person, which often leads people into genuinely believing he's stupid and thus treating him that way. Not to mention, as the emotional mediator of the party, I'm sure he occasionally gets stretched thin between helping everyone else manage their problems and altercations.

all this is to say: everyone in the party has their problems, and a good sum of these are not all instantly solved by the end of the story. all of them, siffrin included, are left in a space where they have plenty of healing to do but can confidently and comfortably still rely on one another.

ISAT is just siffrin's chapter of major emotional plight, and everyone else's is presumed prior to the narrative (i can also acknowledge that siffrin definitely got the worst of it though LMAO)

[obscure-imaginations]

Starscream Relationship Alphabet. No particular Starscream in mind. Can be Cybertronian or human reader.

Blacklist. | Commissions Open!

Dedicated to @sun-uwu-kong <3

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Affectionate to the Well and back! He may put a halt in front of others, to save his reputation, but he’s affection-starved in private. He’ll be nuzzling and chirping at you for attention, giving you affection and needing it in return. Like a cat.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Starscream is a very chaotic best friend. He’s always ready to get into trouble with you by his side. He can be whiny and demanding of your attention but he's a good support- if you ever need someone to complain at, he’s there. He’ll most likely suggest, ah, *violent* solutions to your problems, but it’s all in good faith.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Sleepy cuddles are the best, so he can rest his wings around the both of you. But he’ll also pull you in for random cuddles throughout the day when the opportunity arises.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Starscream is too good for cooking and cleaning. He has other people to do it for him!

E = Effort (How much energy do they put into the relationship?)

A fair amount. Starscream can be caught up in his work and schemes, and he tends to be forgetful when absorbed in a project, but he always makes it up to you. He’s known for his dramatics so he has no qualms with declaring his proclamations of love whenever you need it. When you get his focus, he’s attentive to your needs.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Ooh… Unfortunately Starscream has some commitment issues due to trauma. It takes at least a decade for him to get comfortable with the idea. You’d be his conjunx much earlier than that, but actual marriage scares him a bit. But once he knows you're not going to leave him and you’re in this mess for life? You’re going to have the most theatrical wedding Cybertron has ever seen!

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Half and half. He can be brash and occasionally rude because he’s not always aware of his surroundings nor other people’s feelings. But he always makes it up to you, panicking if he accidentally hurts you in any manner. He’ll fold his wings and approach you like a dog who’s in trouble.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Starscream is touch starved. Once he’s alone with you, he’s demanding hugs and cuddles. He needs it desperately. His hugs are nice, even if his form seems rough around the edges.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Starscream expresses his love in different ways at first. Proclaiming that he’d kill for you is basically an “I love you”. After a few months he’ll gently scoop your face in his hands and murmur “I love you” softly with a light blue blush.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Everyone knows he’s a drama queen, and he secretly has self esteem issues. So yeah, he’s *very* jealous. It more so manifests in him demanding your attention at inopportune times, such as when Megatron is trying to give orders or Shockwave is giving a report. He will cling his servo to yours and squeeze hard to be subtle. He’s horrible with words when it comes to this but all he needs is a hug, a kiss, and an “I love you”.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He loves dramatically kissing the back of your hand, to be fancy. He enjoys receiving forehead kisses. “Real” kisses are often passionate in some sense- he puts his entire being into meaningful kisses.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Do not let this walking mech of chaos around children. He is a bad influence.

Same with my OC, Orbit. Megatron is usually getting on Starscream’s case for teaching Orbit bad habits.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Whining about wanting to continue cuddling. When he finally gets up he’s grumbly but he feels better when he gets into his morning routine. Sometimes he lets you help him get ready for the day.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Before recharging, he enjoys preening himself as the proud Seeker he is. He doesn't let you buff his wings unless you're ready to get spicy, but he will let you groom other areas. He’s proud of his visage even when he’s feeling more insecure.

He’ll wind down with you in his arms, rumbling his engines in happiness to have his conjunx to himself.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Starscream likes to think he’s mysterious. However, he tends to spew random bits of information when he thinks out loud to himself. Officially, however, he takes a little bit to give full details- especially about past traumas.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Starscream has the patience of a hungry bitlet. When he wants something, he wants it now!! He can never get truly angry at you, though, even when you mess up. He might pout when his pride is wounded but he always makes it up with plenty of chitters.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Starscream always saves every bit of information he gets. It’s instinct for him- for his plots and schemes. Now he uses that to his advantage to surprise you! If you see something you want in passing, he’ll get it for you… sometimes obtained legally. He remembers everything about you, down to your favorite pair of socks.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

When he realized that you actually love him and you aren't going to leave. Starscream’s ego makes up for his poor self esteem, so he talks big, but secretly, he’s very insecure. Having you to love him, *truly* love him, is a blessing from the AllSpark itself.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Starscream is protective in a subtle way. If anyone upsets you, he digs up the worst blackmail he can find to intimidate them into leaving you alone… permanently. If that doesn't work? He has his ways. Don't worry about the sudden influx of scrap or that weird red stain on the floor.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Ultimate effort. Starscream wants to make sure that you feel loved in every manner possible. Even the smallest gift is wrapped to perfection. Anniversary dates are the most romantic he can muster. Every day affections are always filled with love.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Starscream is vain and sometimes thinks he’s “too good” for some things. If you want to do something he’s snobby about, just go do it without him and he’ll learn his lesson- he always gets pouty when you're separated.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Practically as vain as Knockout, and that’s saying something. Seekers are a proud people. He’s always touching up his paints and buffing himself to pure shine.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He’ll never admit it out loud, but you’re the other half of his spark. When you're separated for longer periods of time, he gets so whiny and dramatic that even Soundwave gets concerned for his emotional health. (His trine will fall to their knees and praise you when you return /lh /hj)

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He talks about you to his trine constantly. Starscream tends to blabber without thinking much- he just likes to talk, and with a voice like that, who can blame him?- so the trine knows some exclusive details, such as those adorable pajamas you wore to bed three days ago.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Like with “U”, he’s snobby about certain things. He doesn't like cooking, or cleaning unless he’s prepping his own form.

In a partner… he dislikes when you don't pay attention to him. He doesn't demand your full attention at all times, but he demands acknowledgment!!

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Spreads his wings to take up the whole bed. He’s embarrassed because he can’t really control it. His wings also twitch on occasion, but it’s adorable.

[your-queer-dad]

hey dad

I have something of a long-winded rant; don’t feel like you have to respond, I just needed to tell someone

so I’m the “therapist friend”, and people come to me to talk about their problems all the time. Within the last few hours I’ve had two separate people vent to me, and I’m happy to listen. Except right now I’m going through a kind of tough time and I’m trying hard not to relapse into sh after being clean for almost three months. Hearing about everyone else’s problems really doesn’t help. I’ve set alarms to check my notifications during the night ever since I woke up to an ominous text and then couldn’t get a response all day, and every conversation I have with my friends turns into me comforting them. These are also really my only close friends, so it’s not like I have any other healthy relationships. I keep breaking down every time I’m alone and having anxiety attacks and worrying about food/starving myself and disassociating and biting my fingernails raw and snapping at people and my sleep schedule is getting messed-up, which are all signs that signs are getting worse for me. But if I tell them that I don’t have the energy to listen, then I’m almost certain something terrible will happen. These people have absolutely nobody else they can talk to, unsupportive family, and are even less emotionally stable than I am. For a while, there’s been a cycle: they unload stress onto me, they apologize for it, I assure them that I’m happy to help and thank them for sharing with me, and I relieve the stress through unhealthy coping mechanisms that they don’t know about. But recently I’ve cleaned myself up after contacting a hotline and I don’t want to go back to how it was before. I deeply care about these people, and I want to continue to be there for them, but if my mental state worsens, I won’t be able to support them at all. It seems like I’m the most stable person in my life, and I’m far from being that. It’s hard for me to seek help (and even though I’ve experienced symptoms of severe depression and anxiety for most of my life, I’ve never gotten help for it) because I feel like I’d be taking advantage of the person I’m telling, since that’s what people do to me. Honestly, the thing with my only friends constantly venting to me is just one of many minor things pushing me over the edge. It isn’t that big of a deal, but right now it is overwhelming me. My life is actually relatively uncomplicated and I have a lot of privilege; I just don’t know how to cope with the few problems I have experienced. I just don’t know what to do, and I’m a minor so there’s not much I can do, and I don’t have anyone else to talk to, especially since I came out to my mother as queer a week ago and I’m even more distant from her. This is the first person, besides the 988 operator in April, who I’ve told about any of my issues. My apologies about how long that was—I didn’t mean to write an entire essay, but now I’m not sure what parts to delete. Thanks for listening. I hope you’re doing well and we all really appreciate you, dad

—Gray

Hey kiddo, I am so sorry. That is so much for even an adult to deal with, let alone a person your age. If they are causing you stress like that, my dear , they aren't healthy relationships. You are as worthy of care, time and compassion as anyone you help. If you don't take care of yourself then you will crash and burn and that will hurt more than you asking for some space and putting in boundaries. I beg you to take care of yourself and say no. Redirect them to me, I'll listen and help but please don't let yourself reach crisis point over helping others.

- dad x

[coffyao]

one more time

Summary:

Long-term abstinence has been the best TLC you have ever had after breaking off a turbulent relationship, but as of recently, you have started to crave the feeling of being ruined once again. But since emotional bonds are no longer on the table, perhaps being drained physically will sufficiently do the job…

link to my a03: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalaloopsyland

I’ve had my terrible share of relationships. They had a few things in common and that was that they all had a handsome face and body, but it was juxtaposed by their horrible personalities and lack of self-control. After the end of my fourth one, the only person I realized who was to blame was myself. I kept coming back to them, hoping that things could be better between us.

Well, that was the optimistic lie I deluded myself with.

--

 If I had to be completely candid, then it would have to be the back-and-forth that I enjoyed every time we argued. It would have been the way he would hurt me with his words but soothe me back to life with the presents he showered me with.

It would have to be the way he would scream at my face, with saliva and all with eyes that fucked every part of my soul.

It excited me because I knew that my body would be in for a rough time.

however, as much as my body felt satisfied, the emotional drawback of all of those relationships inevitably made me leave. The control and the horrific jealousy that came from their hypocritical mouths was something I could no longer take and the damage that I had at the end of it, had to be something I had to fix.

So, I decided to remain celibate for a while.  I didn’t count the months or days, so I didn’t remember how long it had been.  Then I decided to browse the internet one day.  It must have been on a Saturday night; I was wearing a black satin nightie, and I couldn’t stand the quietness in my house.

 so, I switched on my television to have ambiance in the background, so I could feel less lonely. I had my laptop on my lap, and I was trying to find ways to get off.  Then I came across an advert and being as absent-minded as I was, I ended up clicking on it.

It was an advert for gigolos.

 I had never heard of such a thing. But I was curious. So, I scrolled down, and on each page, did it contain profiles of terribly attractive men. 

But younger men, to be precise.

 But I wasn’t old, so I was truthfully offended that my own algorithm recommended this. But that feeling washed over me quickly when I came across a profile that made every single follicle on my skin stand up.  I had to immediately turn my screen brighter.

The first thing that I noticed about his pictures was his green eyes, sharp like emeralds and intimidating like venomous snakes. He certainly wasn’t timid about the assets he had either, as those pictures flaunted the muscles that were underneath his tight, black shirt. His biceps were huge, and the tiny fang that had shown itself when he smiled was a nice touch.

But that wasn’t what convinced me.

What convinced me was the scar that was across his left eye, like it had its own story to tell.

I was intrigued by it.

So, I reached out, and like a starving hyena, he loved that opportunity.

__

He suggested that we meet at an Italian restaurant since it was the most casual non-casual way of setting up a date.  I had no desire to, but he insisted otherwise because he wanted to get to know me first.

But I felt nervous because I could sense what type of person he would be. most likely emotionally unavailable, had a loose tongue, and nothing to show for it except for his amazing body and extraordinarily great skills in bed.

My exact fucking type.

So, I was sitting in my seat and overdressed in my slip midi dress, makeup, and strapped stiletto heels. It was an early evening when it was at its busiest, and I ordered a bottle of pink prosecco, already on my third glass as I awaited his arrival. Many of the people in the restaurant were couples which was hardly a surprise at all, and a perfect way of making sure we blended in with them as well.

I didn’t want anyone to know what kind of relationship we had.

Then he came in. He wore about anyone would expect from a man, which was a black blazer with a slightly opened white shirt and trousers.

But the greatest difference was that they weren’t him.

and he wore it like it was entirely his.

And when he arrogantly stuffed his hands into his trousers and walked like he was the only person in the room, I couldn’t say I hated it.

He then casually sat down on my table, shoulders relaxed, and grabbed his wine glass, gesturing it towards me.

“…Aren’t you going to pour me a drink first?”

I twisted open the prosecco, and vigorously poured the drink into his glass, hoping some of it would spill onto his face.

“Appreciate it.”

He took a sip and placed the glass to the side, leaning forward.

“…So, from the details that you have sent me,” as he kept his voice low, “I understand that you don’t want companionship, is that right?”

“That’s right.”

An emotional connection built overnight meant absolutely nothing if I had to pay my way to see him.

He scoffed sarcastically, keeping his intense gaze on me.

 “… so, then it's straight to business huh?”

He snatched the wine glass, and drank the rest of his drink, setting it down and wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

“Because I really did intend on courting you. good conversation and whatnot.”

Not if we are only seeing each other once.

He also had a tactless way of talking to women, saying whatever he wanted and felt. It was evident through his text messages, but it was glaring when they met face-to-face.

But his lack of manners was the least of my concerns.

I shook my head, “…I don’t care for any of that, because it’s fake.”

“…what part of it is fake?”

“You. Your fake. But that’s why I chose you.”

He slowly leaned back on his chair, rubbing his chin in thought before leaning closer and revealing his grin, nonchalant yet with an underlying tone of danger to it.

“…Well, then you would be right. I don’t really give a shit about you.”

Fuck.

“But that’s the unfortunate news neither of us care about. Do you wanna hear somethin better?”

Even though the restaurant was loud, I had a paranoid inkling that someone was listening in to our conversation, a conversation we really shouldn’t be having, so I brought my ear closer to him, so he could say exactly what he needed to say.

“If there’s one thing that I do care about, then it would be making sure I…”

Then, he stopped speaking and pulled away.

“can’t ruin the element of surprise, now, can I?”

He stood up from his seat and snatched the bottle from the table.

“… a bit of that liquor courage just in case,” he murmured and tipped the rest into his mouth.

Fucking cocktease.

__

Once we started to head towards our hotel room, where the corridors remained quietly vacant, and the moon hit the reflection of the window, I thought a part of me would start feeling regretful.

I was waiting for it to hit me, to convince me that perhaps I wasn’t going about this the right way.  it was the reason why I searched up many advice forums, so I could console myself, and reach a place where I could heal.

But it was all a mistake.

And it’s because I wanted to fix myself the only way I knew how.

-

“…Are you going to open the door, or should I?”

And I didn’t need a gentleman.

“No need, I will,” I said, inserting the key into the lock.

I just wanted an unapologetic waste of space.

I opened the door, and he followed, closing it after me.

He then wrapped his arms around me and pressed a single kiss on my neck, the sharp scent of prosecco stinging my skin.

“…I told you, liquor does wonders to your confidence.”

“But does someone like you even need it? Your ego is plentiful already…”

“…Well, that’s where you’re a little bit off the mark I’m afraid.”

He then starts moving his large hands toward the middle of my dress, using his fingers to fondle the sides of my breasts.

He whispered against my ear.

 “...couldn’t be bothered to wear a bra?”

“…wasn’t for you. It was for my comfort.”

A partial lie.

“Ah ah, but I didn’t ask you if it was for me,” he tutted, repeating the continuous motion, his fingers, ever so subtly, brushing my nipples.

“You just assumed I did, how perverted do you think I am?”

“…v-very if you keep touching me like that,” I tried stating calmly, but it was taking every part of me not to helplessly melt into his touch and reduce me into nothing.

“…oh no, I’m just fulfilling your desires.”

He moved his hands toward my straps and forcibly pulled my dress down.

“Every single dirty one.”

I turned around, and he wrapped my hair around his hand, pushing me down until my body was on the ground, the bristly carpet floor rubbing against my knees.

He unzipped his trousers, and immediately pulled down his boxers, revealing his erection.

“here’s your first one. Now come here and suck it.”

As pathetic as I was, I needed to follow his command.

I inched closer and put my hands around his cock, lightly caressing the tip with my fingers, before putting my mouth into it.

“suck it harder.”

“y-yes,” I murmured, using my tongue to suck it as hard as I can, his approving groans encouraging me to go deeper.

“Fuck, that’s the spot…” he muttered to himself, moving his pelvis along to the motion of my mouth, becoming evident that he was coming close.

“…hey, I can come in your mouth, right?” he said, putting his hand on the back of my head, ready to push the moment I uttered a ‘yes.’

And I did. I wanted it in my mouth.

“yes-“

And he pushed my head until my mouth covered most of his shaft, the mix of my saliva and his cum making its way into my throat.

He then pulls my head back, observes the mess he made on my face, and manically grins.

“…you know what you look like?”

“No,” I said, still dazed.

“a fucking whore.”

He started tearing off each piece of his suit, throwing it all by the side and leaving him completely naked, the most prominent features in the pictures that I saw of him being shown to me all at once.

He is the pictures.

“…and do you know what I’m going to do to you now?” as he crouched down to my level.

“no...”

“I’m going to fuck you as hard as I possibly can.”

He suddenly grabbed my inner thighs, pulling me up until I was face-to-face with him, his face inches away from my lips.

I want him to devour me.

Then, he throws me on the bed and climbs on top of me, his hot body against mine.

I couldn’t look at him, as his eyes pierced through my skin, and my vulnerabilities were bare in front of him.

His fingers trailed along my stomach until he reached below, and using his hand, tore away my underwear and inserted two fingers into me.

he wasted no time picking up the pace, as his fingers continuously thrust against my C-spot, whispering obscenities whilst doing so.

“How is your dirty pussy so wet for me?”

And more.

“You just keep sucking me in and in...”

And fuck me more.

“Fuck, I want to make you come so bad.”

Then, I immediately came, the natural high of an orgasm overwhelming me until my body finally became still, that high wearing off.

But I still wanted to continue that high. I wanted it soooo badly.

“... and we aren’t even at the best part,” he said, momentarily getting up to grab a condom from his jacket and ripping it apart with his teeth.

He then went back on top, and he leaned into me, rubbing his cock in between my folds, and pulling it out again, and it drove me fucking crazy.

“Just put it in me already.”

“You want me to?”

Fuck, I really, really hate cockteases.

“...Please.”

“Ah, but I don’t want to.”

But even though he kept shamelessly denying me what I wanted, I found myself wanting to beg him, pacify him, and make myself completely his bitch.

“fuck, toji please!”

“…god I love how pathetic you are.”

“I am, I’m so pathetic,” I repeated, inching myself towards him.

“Damn right you are,” he sneered, as he tortuously pushed in and out, whilst keeping his eyes closed in on me, a mind game that I wanted to desperately win.

“I just need your cock, I need it inside me.”

“you want it that badly huh?”

“I want it, I want it, I want it,” I begged.

“then fucking take it."

Using the full force of his body to completely overwhelm mine into submission, a sensation I couldn’t hide, nor could I escape from.

“You love my cock that much huh?”

And I had to rejoice.

“fuck-fuck-I-do- “as he mercilessly slammed his cock into me over and over, and I became what he wanted me to be; a song that he could play for as long as he wanted.

And he played,

“I love it- I love it - “

And he played,

“Right there- fuck right there - “

And he played,

“Oh god- Oh god- “

And I eventually started to break.

But he wanted to end it in the best possible way.

“-Want me to make you cum?”

And my prayers became true.

But I couldn’t properly communicate my appreciation for those answered prayers, as my voice became hoarse and quivered each time,  as he thrusted like he was doing it once more.

So, I nodded, but he still wasn’t satisfied.

“Hah- come on I asked you a fucking question,” grabbing my chin with his hand, tilting it sideways until his lips were against my ear, and he commanded me.

“Hm? are you going to cum for me?”

And another one slipped out of his mouth like it was nothing.

“…are you going to cum for daddy?”

And I had to answer him, despite how close my head came to exploding.

“fuck-yes-i-want-yo-“

And I became numb.

the grip that I had on my voice completely letting go and the painful trembling in between my legs, becoming never-ending.

And he sighed, putting his mouth against mine, savouring the tears that poured down my face as he shoved his tongue.

He eventually pulled away and licked his lips in satisfaction.

Like he’d finally made me into his own.

_____________________________________________________________

[nerves-nebula]

Has there ever been a time where Leo ever regretted hurting his brothers? If he ever does work out his problems , how would he mend the bridges between his brothers and him?

Oh sure, plenty. Splinter encourages casual cruelty but he can’t erase Leo’s genuine affection, and Leo doesn't really WANT to like, deeply hurt his siblings. So here’s an incomplete list of things Leo regrets! (before he starts working on his relationship with his brothers, that is)

Breaking Raph’s arm

Telling Splinter about the first time Donnie got kidnapped. Donnie was forced to stay in the corner for days because of all the rules he'd broken and it was a horrible experience that included a lot of crying.

any time he destroyed Mikey's art in a fit of rage/on accident (he almost always immediately regretted this and it didn't happen a lot but still)

any time he caused Donnie to emotionally shut down

Any time Splinter instructed him to spar with his brothers "mercilessly" or something. That usually meant until first blood, and Leo didn't like that, so he'd try to make the fights as quick and painless as possible. which usually meant he'd embarrass his brothers a lot by beating their asses.

After Leo starts working to repair their relationships he basically regrets everything he’s ever done tho. Everything he’s ever taken pride in feels hollow, it’s a low moment for him hah.

but for these moments, he mostly relies on little gestures to apologize. Like after breaking Raph's arm, he didn't seriously argue with Raph for a few months, and he mostly left the others alone until Raph was all healed up and they were "back to normal"

and while Donnie was in the corner, Leo would bring him his favorite food behind splinters back so that at least he wouldn't starve. Mikey and Raph also brought him food, but still.

After ruining Mikey's art he'd usually hug Mikey and give him something as compensation, like a toy from his shelf or something. or he'd go out and steal Mikey a bunch more art supplies.

He usually just ran away when Donnie shut down cause it was kind of scary and he didn't know what to do. He'd only apologize later once Donnie was "being normal again" or something, and he wouldn't apologize by saying Sorry he'd just be like "oh cool you're back haha" which to HIM seemed like saying "I missed you and I'm sorry" but to DONNIE it seemed like he was laughing at him so. not great communication all around.

As apologies for sparring, he'd help bandage the wound. Unless Splinter didn't let him leave training with the others, in which case he'd drop by later and chat with whoever it was he hurt. He didn't exactly say he was sorry, but checking up on them was supposed to be a kind of "are you alright?" moment.

i could probably come up with more but I think that's good enough for now.

in the future though, he goes hard into self-sacrifice and using himself as a shield for his brothers in an attempt to take on some of the pain he feels he's caused them. which is just really stressful for everyone cause now it's like they're almost a family again but it's almost like Leo is TRYING to die before they can resolve everything haha.

[throwaway-yandere]

In "creative difference", when Tighnari says that the reader have practically been emotionally cheating, I thought about a reverse scenario were him, in his delusional little self, was in a emotional relationship with you...but in his head lol

Him sending you chocolates and flowers on your "8 months anniversary" and you are just ??? Excuse me? But tour have only been dating your partner for 2 months?? Making reservations in the same restaurant that you and your S/O are going just so he can sit on a table behind your partner and pretend it's the two of you 😂

If he kidnaps you, to him, it is register as you finally moving in with him.

It would be funny if your S/O also happens to be a yandere lmao

(Not a request! Just a little something and thought it would be nice to share :D )

(not edited)

(im so sorry this isn't digital and im so sorry for the late reply–)

"(Y/n)? Oh, we've been dating for a 8 months now. They're really annoying, but I love them."

-----

I like the way you think, anon.

Personally, I imagine Tighnari would be the type of yandere who's really aware of what he's doing, so there must be something that'll make him snap for him to be this delusional. Maybe you've finally let out everything you hated about him– maybe you've published a list of grievances in public– anything that solidifies that you're truly unhappy. If he didn't do what he did at the end of Creative Differences, there is a high chance that this would happen.

The "watcher" part of his "forest watcher" title would definitely sound more ominous after your break-up. Chances are, you'd think he's just being a bit clingy, watching you from away while you talk with the rangers in his domain– and that your paranoia will go away after a few months.

Yet you still haven't left the house alone after 8 months.

You can't help it. There has to be someone watching you at this point. Cyno, kind as ever, would accompany you almost like a butler. But even he has his limits. He's a busy man, you can't drag him anywhere you please. Cyno had to give you an intervention, imploring you to start living independently. Admittedly, the way he did so sounded harsh, and you ended up crying pathetically in your boyfriend's open arms.

The next day, you found a cute little box on your doorstep. Figuring it was an apology gift of sorts, you opened it.

And found a dead bird inside.

You don't recall what you did afterwards, or how you ended up breathless and shaking inside Lambad's Tavern.

And you don't understand why he's here.

"Dinner for two, Master Tighnari?"

His thumb circled the back of your palm, blatantly mocking how a partner would calm you down.

"Well, I wouldn't let my lover starve, would I?"

--------

I wish I could add more but your brainrot is already so good ehuskaodoao. 11/10. Absolutely grateful that you shared this ❤️❤️❤️

[duxpuella]

steven meeks x fem reader smut pls!

Oneshot: Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me

< Atention: Modern AU where Neil lives, and Welton’s a boys & girls school. This piece is a bit further into future and everyone's at college already.

Warnings: Fluff, +16 content, if you’re under 16y or feel uncomfortable with the prompt please do not interact! Nothing way too explicit, but there’s a lot of sexual insinuation and generally soft smut, Steven being a housewife, an obscene amount of The Cure reference, hints of sub! Steven >

Words: 1.8k ;

Note: Heyy there, so I recommend listenning to Hot Hot Hot!!! by The Cure while reading (it was the main inspiration, but if you really want to dive in, listen to the entire album- Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me);

There's a bunch of songs excerpts in here, all from the same album, and they're supposed to translate what's going in Steven's head, since I headcanon him as an action person and the reader knows he has ways of by-passing his verbal difficulty it through music. 

Plot: Steven and you have been dating for awhile, and now in college with both constantly exhausted you've been out of time for each other. Steven decides to fix that and make room for you in his schedule if you know what I mean.  Steven Meeks x (fem!) reader 

Also, here’s my Meeks playlist, hope you enjoy it!

Steven was your best friend, and it has been like this since the both of you met. He had a crush on you from the start, you intrigued him, and after a few schemes and setups from his friends, you had your first date at the movie theater. After that, it became really clear that the infatuation was mutual, and also that both of you were willing to take your time with things. 

By the end of high school, you were in a stable strong relationship. You knew him like the back of your hand, and he used all his scientific expertise into studying you as well. Charlie always joked that you were like an old married couple, and as odd as it could be, you felt like that too. 

However, physical intimacy was a current problem. Not because you didn't want it (you were both starving from it) but due to the unpleasant circumstances that had followed you. In Welton, there was never a proper place for things to unravel naturally. It was always rushed by the fear of getting caught, and neither of you liked that, at least not as a regular condition.

At the beginning of the semester, things were heavenly. You made an arrangement to share your dorm with him, and so, you lived almost literally like a married couple. Enjoying all the bliss that domestic life could offer. It also helped a great deal to truly enjoy each other's bodies and engage in emotionally fulfilling intimacy. 

That was, until last month. College life was starting to weigh on both of you, and though the desire was still under your skin, exhaustion often took over your body. Not to mention that your routines would often mismatch, making Steven go to sleep by the time you would wake up and vice versa. 

It didn't make you feel insecure, the boy loved you. He'd still kiss your hand every time he greeted you. He'd still bring you snacks during your study sessions, remembering you to make regular pauses and drink water. He'd still avoid smoking near you because he knew you hated the smell. You could see clearly that the feeling hasn't faded one bit, but you were frustrated. 

And so was he. Steven would never complain or express, verbally, his discontent. But every time he would embrace you behind and lay his head on your shoulder, you could feel the tired sigh coming out of his mouth. You could hear him mumbling an apology whenever he got in bed later than you. 

This week your tests had finally been over, and Christmas was in sight: only one week left. As you arrived at your dorm, you noticed your boyfriend was already there. A delicious smell came from the oven, and a pan was placed on the stove, cooking pasta. 

Steven caught you by surprise with his embrace, "Welcome home, darling." You could tell he was happy, "What's the occasion?" you asked as he gently entwined your fingers and guided your hand to his lips, placing a soft peck. "Freedom. I'm finally free, now I can fully enjoy you, and I intend to do it properly within every second of this weekend. Starting tonight," he said looking at his wristwatch "Friday, 10p.m." a coy smile tugging the corners of his mouth. 

"You're unreal, you know that Steven Meeks?" you said as you detangled yourself from his embrace, intending to face him directly. You cupped his cheeks as they've become a light pink, emphasizing his freckles. He stared at you, shy and smitten. He then bend, touching his forehead to yours, and closed his eyes enjoying the warmth.

"I love you." He whispered, like a confession. The noise of steam interrupted the moment and made Meeks drive away, leaving your hands empty. He stirred the content a bit and looked at you, "Take a shower, it will be ready when you get out." You took the advice and went your way. 

The hot water helped your muscles to relax and you felt like you could, after weeks of stress compiled, slow down. As you got out, a set of Christmas-themed pajamas freshly out of the dryer rested patiently on your bed, waiting for you. A chuckle escaped your lips, when did he even get time to shop you something? 

You showed up in the kitchen already dressed, you saw two plates of spaghetti and a tray full of cinnamon rolls placed on the table. Steven was washing the dishes when he heard you arrived and smiled in contempt "It fits!" His hands gesturing towards your body, "I got it earlier when I went over town to buy the ingredients. Just saw this set with the corner of my eye on my way to the cashier and remembered how your previous one shrunk last week." 

"Does that mean you don't want me wearing your shirts to sleep anymore?" you said, teasingly as it was your turn to embrace him from behind. "Absolutely. It was getting very hard to focus on my tasks with you wandering around every night in my clothes." you couldn't see his face but you could hear through his voice that he was smirking. 

As Steven finished the dishes, he took your hand and guided you to the table. "Now, let's eat. I'm starving," he said as a grunt came out of your stomach causing you both to laugh. You ate and talked through the night simply enjoying your time together. 

After all the dishes were savored you watched him set up a fun melody from the first Spotify playlist he gifted you. The song started as he also started dancing to the melody, gesturing towards you. You started dancing as well, surrounding your arms on his neck while his hands organically grabbed your waist.

Hey, you! Yes, you... You, the one that looks like Christmas... Come over here and kiss me!!! Kiss me!!!

Your smitten gaze met his, as you shared a passionate and slow kiss. You felt yourself completely melt into his arms, as his hands now at the small of your back bringing you closer. He parted your lips and laid his head onto your shoulder, recovering oxygen. 

I kissed her face, I kissed her head And dreamed of all the different ways I had to make her glow Why are you so far away, she said Why won't you ever know That I'm in love with you That I'm in love with you?

"I can't wait to marry you." His warm breath caressed your neck, his voice low, almost in as if he was stating that to himself solely. The tip of your fingers softly stroking his auburn hair. "I missed you so much, love," you said, in the same tone. He held you tighter, "I know. Me too." he raised his face from the crook of your neck, and bend touching foreheads again. 

You're just like a dream You're just like a dream

You danced to the melody as one, letting your bodies be guided by the rhythm. Eyes hypnotized by each other's, his mouth being pulled by yours as magnets. He kissed you, his hands crawling to the back of your neck deepening the kiss. He was starved from you. You could tell it wasn't just a matter of flesh, it wasn't just primal. It was ancient, almost spiritual. 

He didn't want just your body, he wanted your time, your dedication, your devotion. He wanted to dive into your soul once again and have you become one. And he would willingly provide the same for you. When your breath was lost, your lips parted. Inches away, panting desperately. You watched as his lips, already swollen, would repeatedly open and close signing the passage of air. 

Tonight I'm screaming like an animal Tonight I'm losing control Tonight I'm screaming like an animal Tonight I'm getting so low

The lyrics came through the speakers as the realization hit you, making you chuckle. "You put the entire album?" "Not the entire album..." his one-sided grin made your heart skip a beat, "but yeah, like, half of it. I found it to be quite appropriate since I do want you to kiss me, kiss me, kiss me." the burst of laughter came immediately, making your eyes squint. 

"Well, you're very hot, hot, hot yourself, love." you stroke back right after. "Happy to serve," he spoke softly as his mouth made its way to your neck. "speaking of which, how can I please you tonight?" you gasped as goosebumps covered your body. "God, Steven..." your hands clenching around his shoulder now. 

As you felt his lips ghost over your exposed neck, an unintelligible mumble exiting it as you guided both to your shared bed. You pushed him a little, causing your boyfriend to sit on it while you stood. He brought you closer, placing you between his legs, looking up at you in adoration with strands of ginger curly hair stuck onto his temples. 

You pushed his hair back and cupped his face delicately, caressing his cheek with your thumb as his eyes submerged into your figure. He bit his lower lip, completely enchanted. 

The third time I saw lightning strike It hit me in bed It threw me around And left me for dead For a second that room was on the moon

You placed your other hand on his neck, this time thumb under his chin gently forcing it up. "I love it when you're subservient like this, truly makes justice to your name." he smiled, enamored. You got closer whilst he tried capturing your lips. You recoiled, taunting him as a sadistic grin took over your face. His hunger frame almost made you feel guilty, but deep down you knew these power displays were what kept things thrilling for you both. 

Finally, you gave in to his embrace. You let his hands wander through your body, helping you to undress from the pajamas. You switch positions with you, fully undressed laying in the bed and him standing. He took his shirt off with one swift motion and watched your body as he finished undressing. 

You're so gorgeous I'll do anything! I'll kiss you from your feet To where your head begins! You're so perfect! You're so right as rain! You make me Make me hungry again

He dove into bed, kissing every part of you he could reach with his mouth. His hands pulled you closer and closer each time as if he would be able to merge your bodies together. Ravishing adoration in each gesture, delicacy within each touch, and reverence carved in his glance. 

You're not sure how long it took for the both of you to be fully satisfied, but as you rested your head on his chest you could hear a soft melody playing in the background alluring you into sleep. You made yourself comfortable as your left hand traced invisible patterns near his heart. 

And hold me up so high And never let me go Take me Take me in your arms tonight

Just like that, everything else beyond your bedroom walls was irrelevant, and you slept soundly.

Tag list: @tall-my-beloved ;

Hope you like it! I take requests by ask! (info on requests);

Also, you’ll find more of my writing here.

[lebenspurpur]

ANNA THE HUNTRESS X READER HEAD CANNONS??

AN: My god, it's ''fasnet'' time here right now and my days are spent being hunted by witches and being too drunk, but I finally got around to writing again!

Warnings: NSFW in the second part, but there's another warning further down

Anna lacks a lot of experience in the romance compartment. I tend to think she must've lived in some kind of community at least one time in her life. After all, even as a fully self-sufficient hunter, there are things you need to buy to start such a life. My guess is, she lived near a cottage or village of some sort as a child when her mother was still alive. Still, even when she still had the means to socialize, I doubt there were many who found her romantically interesting (as sad and unbelievable as that is). Relationships whose focus lies on romance and not the typical mother-daughter antics she's used are therefore new territory to her.

This is why at the beginning of said relationship, she'll most likely treat you more like someone she has to take care of, than an equal.

This providing side of her is the attribute she is most prideful about, though. Anna's love language is 100% acts of service. Her life is spent making sure you're healthy (physically and emotionally), fed and feeling loved and cared for. She won't calm down until she's sure every task revolving around your well-being is taken care of.

Her passion for those tasks, however, can also be a hassle. Many nights, you might spend alone because Anna is busy, hunting, sewing, cooking or preserving food. She can be a bit oblivious to the emotional needs one might have in a romantic relationship, another consequence of her solitary lifestyle and lack of experience. She needs a lot of instruction to figure out that sometimes, you just need her to hold you.

Lucky for you, Anna is very, very attentive. She wouldn't have survived without being alert at all times. With you in the center of her life, she can put all that attention and focus on you, learn every single thing about you and memorize it.

Give the Huntress a few months, and she can read the smallest signs of body language you exhibit. A small shiver? She's there with a blanket. Rubbing your tummy absentmindedly? She'll warm up some stew. Eyes looking a bit more remote and isolated than usual? She'll hurry up with her chores, so you can cuddle up before you go to bed.

While we're on the topic of cuddling, Anna is so touch-starved. In the beginning, she's afraid to ask for your touch, scared that her scars or more or less intimidating figure disgust you. When she realizes you like the way her body looks, her touches and asks grow a lot bolder. It's her favorite activity, relaxing somewhere while you touch her. Even if you're just holding her cheek, or checking for injuries, she'd do anything to have those hands linger on her skin.

And she's so warm. The red forest is always a damp kind of cold, a wet freezing temperature that seeps into your clothing and bones and cools you from the inside. You don't know how she does it, but Anna is like a furnace. Even if she just came out of the pouring rain, her torso is blazing hot and perfect for pressing your freezing hands against.

That attribute of hers is especially helpful at night, when you come to realize how painfully cold it can get, even under a bunch of wool and fur blankets. Since Anna is probably taller than you, she encases you better than any blanket ever could. Plus, she'd never complain about your cold hands against her body, if anything it makes her happy to know that she can warm you up.

Now, onto a little more spicy coziness. (NSFW content following, if that was not clear enough ;))

Anna's sense of providing for you doesn't decrease in the bedroom. If anything, it gets more intense. The Huntress is a pretty dominant top, bordering on a stone top, meaning she focuses on her partner's desires without expecting much in return.

But, as mentioned before, she can be a bit oblivious to her partner's needs at the beginning of a relationship. If you don't make your desire visible or vocal, chances are she'll mistake your eagerness for a reaction to the cold, simple shyness or the need for some innocent physical attention.

Her first time will be very slow and unsure - she's scared of screwing up, scared of driving you away but nonetheless, very eager to learn. Anna's attentive focus comes in handy, once again. She learns, quickly, either how to fulfill all your wishes, or tease until you're begging.

Which brings us to the next point, Anna adapts very well to your desires. She can be soft and loving, granting your every wish, and at the same time the Huntress has the power to be absolutely ruthless and dominating. What you want her to be is up to you.

One word: size kink. The predator side of Anna is very, very proud of her physique. She's strong, tall, difficult to kill and defeat. Her body is an important asset to her task of protecting and pleasuring you. And since she knows how much you like that body of hers, there's no reason for her to hide the joy she gets from seeing how much stronger, and taller she is, compared to you.

Anna likes to praise as well. She's usually not the most vocal person, speaking only when something is important enough to be voiced. She rather listens to you talk. When she's feeling intimate, that changes drastically. Seeing you so vulnerable and ready for her just entices something inside the Huntress to voice her pride and adoration, even if it's in her mother tongue. Most of the time, she prefers her praise in Russian. That way, she can tell you thoughts that are, in her mind, not yet ready for you to hear.

[shywhispersunknown]

Casual Sex, The New Thief of joy.

I've recently been super intrigued by the story of Samson and Delilah. I couldn't for the life of me understand what was it about Delilah that drove Samson so crazy. Why did he love her and what made him stay with her after she repeatedly hurt him? I tore through that story at least 3 times searching for anything that would give me the answer I was looking for but came up with nothing. The Bible doesn't provide much backstory to their relationship. It doesn't specify if they were married or not but it does highlight her lack of love and respect for him which ultimately lead to his demise.

Throughout their love affair there are several instances where Delilah unabashedly set out to destroy Samson. Now I wont get into the entire story , but Samson was a Nazarite and his power source was his hair. He was a chosen man by God and his mission was to defeat the Philistines. Delilah, unbeknownst to Samson was hired by the Philistines to discover his secret with the hopes of capturing him. My girl would openly ask Samson what was the secret to his strength, and then would turn around and set him up! She did this at least 3 times and the wild thing is, Samson kept coming back for more! She'd even gaslight him, accusing him of lying to her and not really loving her. Sprung off the na'mean, he eventually gave in and told her his secret. And the rest is history. As I reflect on my last few years of dating, there are aspects of this story I can totally relate to. Follow me.

In my experience casual sex has caused me more harm then good. As I'd told myself time and time again, "this is your single season, you don't need a boyfriend". As much as that may have been true, it still didn't negate the fact that I wanted something or someone in some sort of capacity. 2019 I met my Delilah (we'll call him Dillon). On my quest of healing and being liberated from a tumultuous relationship, I somehow found myself entangled with a particular gentleman. Ill save you the details of how we met but the attraction was instant, and much like Samson, I was totally smitten. He didn't woo me in a traditional sense, but there was just something about him that really drew me in. I was admittedly lonely and love starved and truthfully it just felt good to have some male energy in my life. I didn't let on about my lack of love, but I feel like he knew. Our 1st date told me everything I needed to know about him. We were at a bar having a great time, and in walked someone he knew. The 2 locked eyes and the associate was visibly uneasy. Dillon excused himself and directed the guy outside. A few minutes later he returned and smiled then said "now we drink all night for free" I fell in love right there...*facepalm. We spent months galavanting through the city, every encounter was so random. I found him exciting, intriguing and incredibly sexy. We had a crazy connection and I wanted more of him. He'd told me he loved me several times, and I echoed the same sentiment, but every time Id mentioned us getting together...there was a pause. He'd give me excuses on why we shouldn't be together...begrudgingly I accepted it and tried to move on. But somehow or another, he always managed to draw me back in. He was sweet to me...(or so I imagined)he'd do the simple things I loved. Flowers just because, a playlist expressing his "true" feelings sent in the middle of the night...and random pop ups whether I was home or not. Sigh...these miniscule acts sown in manipulation would get me every time. I tried to be strong and step away, but I was caught up and couldn't leave him alone. Id pray about this, because although physically I was having a blast, emotionally I was messed up. Id discovered through my superb stalking skills..(kidding!), that he was seeing someone. But not just anyone, an amateur porn chick. With my own eyes Id seen the two in the act on twitter...I was mortified, disgusted and heartbroken. Here I was in the interim begging God to heal my heart , but the 1st pair of muscles and a smile comes my way and I'm ready to break out on the Lord? Some good and faithful servant I was SMH. All those tears man, those sleepless nights...crying out to God to help me get over the pain of the past...and here I was willingly walking back into the same thing.

I never confronted him about what I saw. I just tried to move on with my life. Id go long stretches without talking to him, and he'd oblige and not press the issue if he reached out and I didn't respond. But like clockwork, he'd figure out a way to lure me back in. We'd have these passionate moments and completely and emotionally naked.. Id tell him how much Id missed him and wanted to be his. We'd be great for a week...maybe even a month, but nothing changed. He was still sleeping with her...and me. Somehow or another I mustered up the strength to step away from him once again. I deactivated my socials and was determined to live life off the grid..at least until I got over him. But how was that supposed to happen if I was stalking him from my finsta? The delusion of it all! But I digress lmao..there didn’t seem to be much happening with him anyway. Before I knew it 6 months had passed.... and although parts of me still longed for him I was on my way to forgetting his face. One faithful day in June he reached out. He said he missed me, needed to see me and begged me not to deny him. Our last encounter was different. Although excited to see him, something was off. He didn’t look the same to me anymore…but he was still very much himself. The rizz was on a thousand and I fell for it once again. Completely aware that I had been had, I worked super hard not to get in my fantasy bag. There would never be an "Us" and I needed to let it go. As I steadied myself to take one last peak at his page( because I was shutting my operation down)…I saw that he was very much engaged. Fantasy officially over.

Before I met Dillon, I was on the road to the new me. The Lord was piecing my heart back together. My passion for Him was reignited, and although I had some tough days the love was palpable and real. Dillon seemed to be a beautiful distraction, no doubt. But was the few trysts I had with him worth the pain, shame and embarrassment I felt then? Absolutely not! The condemnation, the depression THE ANXIETY! for obvious reasons, heck no! Samson lost his anointing fooling with Delilah, and I derailed my healing path messing around with Dillon. But God, who is completely faithful gave ya girl another chance.

*The spirit of Delilah is a seducing spirit whose mission is to stop believers from fulfilling their destiny by enticing its target and lulling them to sleep. Believers who fall subject to this spirit forget their true purpose, giving Satan an advantage over God's people.

[itspdameronthings]

Soulmate( Ironhead Miller)

Summary: This thought has been in my head for a few days. Everyone has a soulmate. Here is my thought how Will met his own soulmate. Explores how,and when it happened. I plan to do the same for the rest of the team.

 Relationships have been hard for William in the last few years.  Dated a few women. Was engaged till that ended. She claimed that she couldn't handle being with someone with so much. How did she put it while packing her stuff," screwed up in the head." That hurt him. Thought she was the one. To take care of him. 

Both of them met at his job in the VA. worked at the front office.  Was smitten when he came by to drop things off. Next step is to meet the boys. Santi ,and Frankie seem to like her. Benny? Not so much. Either his girl. Whose is best friend.  More like his baby sister. Both of them wanted what is best for him. Flashforward to a few months later. After Will's breakdown at the publix. She couldn't be with him anymore.  That didn't go well with Benny, and Dixie. Both of them witnessed the shouting match.  While she was packing her stuff. Mentioned that she never understood Will.Thought she could help him,but can't do that.  Dixie got into her face," You knew he was in the Army! You work at the VA! See soldiers in worse conditions physically, and emotionally! All you wanted was to be married for sex. Not love! That sucks! " She lunged at Dixie ,but not before Will stopped her. Confronted her. Telling her to leave. Not till she threw the ring on the floor," Mark my words! You will never find anyone else to take care of you!" That moment Will was so emotional.  Thank God for his brother ,and Dixie was there to comfort him.  

Flashforward another few months later. Will went to an office building to drop by to see Santi who was doing a security  job.  Until he bumps into someone.  Their eyes met. Felt like something out of a movie. Helping her pick up a pile of papers," Sorry darlin.  I'm never this clumsy. I'm Will by the way. " Looking into his blue eyes made her heart skip a beat. Never seen eyes that were so beautiful.  Like the ocean. Cleared her throat, " I'm Cherry. Are you looking for someone?" Will smiles, " Yeah, my friend who was working on the security systems here. " Santi comes over to his friend.  Patting his shoulder, " Glad you are here man. I'm starving. How about we get out of here.  " Will winks at Cherry.  In hoping he would see her again.  Cherry knew he was. So did he. She dated Santi for a few months. Thought she could help him through his emotional state. He needed a special person to do that. Santi knew Will had a thing for Cherry. Reason why he asked Will to come by the office. Want his friend to be happy. He knew she would help him get over that no good ex. More importantly for him to smile,and go out . Instead he would go straight home from work. Only time he goes out is for the weekly get together at their favorite diner. All the while Will wished he could see Cherry again. 

Wish came true. Later that night.  Cherry comes in the diner for a late evening dinner. Looking over to see Will with the others. Chatting away. Looked good in his jeans, and gray Henley shirt. Felt her body quiver. Especially her pussy.  Will comes over to her smiling," Looks like you are following me. Couldn't stop thinking about me? I couldn't stop thinking about you. How about you come over ? Everyone would love to see you. Love to be in your beautiful presence." Blushing at the comment, " Sure, I love that. " 

After that meeting.  Both him ,and Cherry were inseparable. So glad they are dating. Couldn't be without one another for too long. She stayed over his place more than her own. She got to know him. She wanted to help him get over the hurt from the past. Will called her one night. Telling her about a bad dream he was having. Can't be alone. Driving from a short distance to his place. Goes upstairs to his dark room.  Seeing him rocking back and forth panting," I need my cherry to hold me close. Make my dream go away. " At that very moment.  Cherry knew what to do.  Lay his head on her lap. Play with his now longer hair. Love how soft it is. Whispers, " Relax baby. I'm here. Never leave you alone.  Let me help you relax.  Forget about the dream. Focus on the sound of my voice. Focus on my touches. Think about that trip you planned for us. " Breathing started to even out. Taking her soft ,small hand in his large one," So glad you are here with my  cherry blossom. My angel. Never thought I would find some to love me. To comfort me . Until you come into my life. I knew in my gut that you were meant for me. By the way we do certain things,  to how we cherish quiet moments. I know this is a weird moment to ask this,but how about we move in together? Think I know why I had those dreams. You aren't here. Someone to hold me close. Never got…" Kisses the top of his head, " Yes, I will baby. " 

The next few years have been so memorable.  Both of them are happy. On Valentine's day.  He proposed to her after making love. Originally planned to pop the question at dinner that evening, but things got rather kinky. Gave her his grandmother's ring. Only fitting to give that to her. Took him years to figure out that he wasn't really in love with the ex in a way he thought  he was.  Love of his life is in his loving arms. His best friend.  One that understands him.  His wife.  Oh how he loves that word. Finally at last. He found his soulmate. He can thank Santi for that. 

[polyamorouspunk]

Hug

I feel. Awful. I feel. Useless. I feel like all I am anymore is pain. It’s not that I feel like I’m a waste of space, but that the space I take up would be better put to use by someone else. That there are people more deserving of what I have than I am. My life feels pointless. I feel directionless. I feel. Lost. My whole world is one single thing right now. Everything else has taken a back seat. Outside of this, it’s just background work, background going places to try and give me a crumb of serotonin. College? If I’m still like this in a few months I’m not going to be able to do it. I’ve wasted so much of this year just trying to survive day after day. It is consuming. I don’t know how to explain it to people who aren’t like this. I’m glad there are people out there who aren’t like this. I’m not sleeping. I’m not eating. I’m in grief, I’m in agony, I’m in trauma. Over some really, really stupid shit. I feel like I’ve hit my limit of how far I can take control of things and try and “make myself better”. I’ve run out of ideas. I’m stuck. The best that I have is going on yet another trip up to Connecticut to see my friends. So that for a few glorious days I can escape the oppression of the prison I’ve created here by mistake. I fucked up. I fucked up bad. I got in way too deep and over my head emotionally. There’s being emotionally invested and then there’s being emotionally dependent to the point it’s life or death. And no relationship with anyone should ever reach that unhealthy of a point. I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t remember me. I have. Fragments. Memories. Of things that I like. I remember going to a bakery and seeing they had bubble waffle ice cream cones on the menu and being excited because they’re so aesthetic. I remember playing a game at my best friend’s house I loved so much I bought it as soon as I got home. But all that’s just out of reach. I feel so hollow, so empty. I don’t know what’s inside anymore. Sometimes the depression or the emotions or whatever they get so bad you lose yourself. It’s part of the BPD. You latch on to something so hard everything else goes by the wayside and it becomes how you define yourself. Who are you without it? You’re nobody. You’re nothing. I’m so. Trapped. Here. In my body. In my room. In this town. In this state. But moving isn’t going to fix it. It’s a bandaid until the next wound opens up. I’m exhausted. I can’t sleep. I’m too stressed, too depressed. I’m drained but not enough to be overwhelmingly tired and crash. I’m just tired enough that my eyes flutter shut every once and a while but if I lay my head down I don’t fall asleep. I don’t know what brings me joy anymore. I tried watching things that I thought might cheer me up, but they didn’t. I ate food and it was good and I’m fuller now so maybe it’ll help me sleep, but the taste hasn’t lasted, and the pain of starving myself has felt… nice. My body hurts. My head hurts. My eyes hurt. I’m all cried out. Sure, my eyes will tear up. But that’s all I got. I’ve run myself empty over the past few days and there’s nothing left. There’s no energy to have a breakdown. There’s just tired emptiness. I wish I could just start over. I wish I had never started going. But now I can’t stop. Not until it becomes too painful again. I just want to feel some sort of positive emotion that lasts beyond the space in which it came to fruition. I’m tired of smiling and laughing while I’m there to come home and cry or stare at my walls with a blank expression on my face. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know who I am. I feel lost and I can’t even sleep it off. But I’m going to try. Again.

[riverwoodhq]

❝THAT’S THE THING ABOUT THE INTERNET. EVEN A HANDFUL OF PEOPLE CAN FEEL LIKE THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD. ❞

CHARACTER’S NAME: Mina Hensley  AGE & PRONOUNS: 23, she/her FACECLAIM: Priscilla Quintana CHARACTER’S JOB: Student/Resident Advisor at Westham University  HOMETOWN: UTP 

THE MENTOR 

The Mentor is someone who selflessly and wholeheartedly supports those around them, often at their own expense. They can be a parent, best friend, partner, teacher, guardian, sibling, etc. The Mentor usually isn’t the center of attention but supports those who are lost, oftentimes because they are lost themselves. Misery loves company, but the Mentor would rather burn alone if it means they can guide you out of the flames. 

ABOUT

Despite being an overachiever with a long and impressive list of accomplishments, she is also insecure and starved of attention. She’s prone to becoming besotted and obsessed with anyone who offers her a little bit of help or affection. This is largely the result of losing her father at a young age and being emotionally neglected by her perfectionist mother. It doesn’t matter how hard she tries to be the kind of daughter her mom would be proud of, she always falls short. Her endless need for approval took a huge toll on her during her senior year of high school when she got involved with the wrong crowd and did things she shouldn’t have done. As a result, her grades suffered drastically and she lost her academic scholarship. Her mother wasted no time reminding her of how much of a disappointment she was. But it didn’t matter because at least she was moving out of her mother’s house and into a dorm. In college, she tried to focus on herself again but got involved with a man who took advantage of her, posted her nudes online, and made her the laughingstock of the school. She was teased and groped by guys and bullied by girls. Enough was enough, she went back to her dorm after an afternoon of humiliation and attempted to end her life. Her roommate found her unconscious several minutes later and called an ambulance. Now she’s in recovery and transferred to Westham University. She’s hoping she can turn her life back around and become the kind of person who doesn’t need approval. Rather, she’s been working at the college as a RA and mentoring other patients at the rehabilitation center. 

CONNECTIONS

THE BAD BOY  — The Mentor has been a huge part of The Bad Boy’s recovery. The physical therapy helps get his body into shape, but it’s The Mentor’s patience and warmth that keeps him motivated. She’s become his compass and is the reason for his self-reflection. There are times when he can’t stand her and wants her to leave him alone but he’s secretly relying on her to get him through his suffering and he can’t stay away from her for too long. The Mentor puts up with all of his shit because she can tell he’s real and doesn’t pretend to be someone he’s not. She knows what she’s getting with him. Which, is a huge difference from the relationship she had with her abusive ex who spent months leading her on with lies.  

THE BURNOUT — The Burnout is a lost soul and The Mentor feels responsible to keep them from killing themselves or accidentally overdosing. When everyone else writes the Burnout off as a lost cause, the Mentor is the one who reminds them they can get through anything they set their mind to. The Burnout doesn’t always take their advice, but they have shown up to a few meetings at the Recovery Center where the Mentor works and used The Mentor as an emergency contact whenever they’re in trouble or need a place to go. 

THE FOOL’S GOLDEN BOY — The Mentor thought she could trust The Fool’s Golden Boy. He was different from the bad crowd she got involved with in high school, which caused the loss of her academic scholarship. She thought he was mature and driven. Their goals to succeed far beyond the educational system seemed to align. He came from a good family, had a nice car, and treated her with respect. But the Fool’s Golden Boy had a secret. He was a sadist who had a habit of making girls fall in love with him just so he could destroy them. It was his idea of fun to embarrass and dehumanize girls — which stems from the horrible relationship he had with his mother before she died. It’s disgusting and monstrous but he can’t help it. So he had her fall in love with him and then he spread her nudes around campus and watched everything unfold with a smile. It’s been a couple of years since then, but after doing the same thing to another girl, he was finally caught and expelled. Now, he just transferred to Westham. 

THIS CHARACTER IS CURRENTLY TAKEN AND PLAYED BY ADMIN SUMMER

[blackinn-n]

Blackinnon headcanons (because @marlymckitten’s lovely ones got me to write a bit again <3 go check on hers!!!!)

Yes. It’s sappy. But I love sappy Blackinnon. I can’t bear angst any longer so enjoy!

Sirius fell in love with her before she fell in love with him. Actually, he fell in love with Marlene before James fell in love with Lily, even if he took longer to realize it. He unconsciously developed a crush on her during their first year and recognize his messy feelings as love when he was a bit older. Anyway, he liked to say to her that he had loved her since he was a kid and Marlene used to roll her eyes and call him a sappy liar — but Sirius was not lying. Not even a bit.

I personally hc that they didn’t start dating at Hogwarts. Sirius was, emotionally, too much of a mess to actually sort out what he felt. It was not that he wasn’t sure of her — he knew he loved Marlene. He was certain of that. He was just scared to hurt her in any way possible, and though less of himself — he though he wasn’t able to make her happy, and he could not bear it.

It was Marlene who made the first move. One night, she just kissed him. They were alone in London, laughing, smoking and chatting at 1 AM while the rest of the gang had already went home. She just did it. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. Hard, passionately. It took him out of breath.

As their relationship became solid, it was clear to both of them that what was happening was that.. they were settling. To Sirius, the word has seem horrendous till she had told him what she felt for him. But he was happier that he had ever been with her and was actually pretty content with the perspective of being hers for the rest of his life.

They weren’t too much into PDA. Sirius resting a hand on her tights, or holding hands was ok — but they couldn’t stand couples who made out constantly while they were out with friends. It was totally different when they were drunk: in that occasions they could not take their hands off each other and used to disappear so as to shag in some bathroom or to go home (to shag. Yes, they did it nonstop)

They had a matching tattoo. They had gone out one evening in March, just the two of them. It was supposed to be a romantic dinner but it had naturally lead to a drunk night in some club in London. After that, they had found some weird (and probably too dirty to be trusted) tattoo shop which was still opened at night and decided to go for it. They were too tipsy to be taken seriously, but managed to explain to the tattooer what they wanted. At the end, Sirius got the written “star of the sky” in Marlene’s handwriting, and she had “star of the sea” in his, on their pelvis. It was sappy, they knew it, but it was them.

Marlene absolutely adored Sirius. She thought he was breathtaking. That’s true, a lot of people thought that — Sirius was indeed a very handsome man, but to Marlene, Sirius was much more than that. Marlene loved everything about him. She loved stroking his hair and caressing the side of his face. She loved when he took her hands into his. She loved kissing his full lips and holding his gaze, despite it made her blush most of the time. She loved feeling his weight on her when he fell asleep while cuddling. She loved feeling him inside of her, it made her feel a sense of fullness and connection she had never felt with someone before.

James was so happy when they got together. He wasn’t even the slightest angry or upset at them, though they knew he would have killed them both if they hurt each other.

Lily was ecstatic when they started dating, too. Perhaps even more than her husband, considering she was the first person Sirius admitted he was in love with Marlene to. It happened during their seventh year at Hogwarts. Lily was looking for Marls — she knew the Astronomy Tower was her and Sirius’ spot and expected to find her there, but only him was present that evening. They talked quite a lot and at one point he just slipped it out. It felt so scaring, but so, so good. Lily promised not to tell a soul, not even to James and Sirius trusted her. She also advised him to tell her, but he knew he needed more time.

He desired a family with her but was scared to bring the topic up — he didn’t really think he would have really been much of a father material with the upbringing he had. His worse nightmare was perhaps inflicting on his children the same pain he had had to endure during his childhood — the idea scared him shitless. But one day, they talked about it. They approached the subject shyly, as if having different perspectives would have risked to break what they had. When Sirius told her it would have be nice, to have kids one day, Marlene could not suppress the wide, genuine smile that appeared on her face. “You’d really want them?” “Yes. With you, I would want them. I think I would be a shit father, but with you to balance I think they’d turn up nice” “That’s bullshit. You will be a wonderful dad.” “I will be? Not “would”?” “Yep. You will. I think we should talk about it… having kids, one day.” Sirius had never been happier.

Marlene’s family was fond of Sirius. Her parents and brother especially. And of course Euphemia and Fleamont loved Marlene — she was James’ first friend ever. Euphemia confessed them once that she had been planning their wedding since fifth year (James laughed a bit to much for Marlene’s liking after hearing that).

Marlene once had called Walburga Black a “fucking cow”. She hadn’t just called her that, she had YELLED it on the platform before taking Sirius hand and making him follow her on the train. She had heard a sneaky comment from her: it was the usual babbling about Sirius being a shame, a failure for being how he was, for hanging out with dirty mudbloods and staying at the Potters. She could not take it. Although her mother (who had intercepted her daughter’s furious expression) had tried to stop her, she had just walked over and yelled at Walburga Black, a witch from a noble and ancient family in the Magical Community, that she was a fucking cow. Around lots, lots of people. Sirius thought he had never loved her more.

Once Sirius told her he wanted to shave his beard, and she screamed, horrified and threatened not to have sex with him for a month if he really did it.

For his 23rd birthday, Marlene gifted him a handful of Polaroids of her nudes, along with his real present. Sirius remained in total awe for a few seconds and then looked at her like a puppy who has received the best toy ever. He really was a simple man, not needing much to be happy.

Sirius couldn’t cook for shit. He could barely prepare a toast without burning something. And most of the time, when he was hungry, he forgot he could use magic. That meant he was not able to surprise her with breakfast in bed or some thing like that — okay, he knew how to make coffee or how to spread jam on bread, he was not that dumb. Anyway, Marlene used to tease him by saying he would starve if she refused to cook for the rest of his days. “I can always eat you, you know” “You are incredible, Black”

7th year’s St Valentine’s Day was perhaps the worst one Marlene had spent in her seventeen years on the Earth. Not that she had ever celebrated it (she hated St Valentine’s Day, the sappy promises, the fake couples who put on a good face during the trip to Hogsmeade so as to show off even if half school knew one of them was shagging someone else. She just couldn’t bear it), but that year every. single. one of her friends had a date. Lily went with James, Remus had gone to Hogsmeade with a bloke he had met in the summer, Alice went with Frank, Mary had been asked by a quite good looking boy who was part of the same club as hers, Emmeline and Dorcas went together (their first public trip after their coming out) and even Peter had managed to set up a date with a really nice girl he had had a crush on since fifth year. And Sirius… well, she supposed he was shagging three or four girls at the same time. Marlene spent most of her time in the library, catching up with her homework, and after a rather depressing lunch alone she hid herself in the Common Room who was occupied only by first and second years who could not go to the village yet. She read a book until she heard someone calling her name. She didn’t even had to turn around to know who it was. Nobody called her Lene. They walked through the empty corridors and corners of the school, perfectly comfortable with one another. He asked her what she had done that day, but she didn’t ask him back. She didn’t want to know if he had gone to Hogsmeade with someone. What she didn’t know was that, yes, he had gone to the village… to buy her flowers. They following morning, when she woke up, she found a beautiful bouquet of tulips — her favorites — of all colors. The was no card attached and it took Lily twenty minutes to convince Marlene that they really were for her.

Marlene’s dream had always been to visit Paris. When she was ten, she promised herself that she would only have gone with the love of her life — Marlene pretended to be nauseated by romance, but the truth was that she was a hopeless romantic herself. She kept the promise. One year or so into their relationship, Sirius and Marlene stayed in Paris for a week. One night they went to a bar and returned to the apartment quite intoxicated and extremely horny, so the usual. They shagged everywhere, on the couch, on the bed, on the floor, by the fucking window, not caring who could see them. Once they were finished, they were laying on the couch, naked, only covered by a thin blanket to protect them from the chilly air, their bodies entangled. She told him about her promise. He just looked at her, his eyes full of pure love. And he told her. And it was not scary, quite the contrary, actually. “I love you” he simply said. “I love you so much, Marls” She tried to reply, but her voice was thick with emotion. He understood anyway and gently kissed her, thinking he had finally found something worth living for. And it was love, it had always been love.

[cosmicclownboy]

hi- why don't you like Maria?

Oh lord.

Where do I even begin with Maria.

Season 1

Makes a joke about Alex's secret relationship being with Wyatt and finding it funny- (Wyatt who is an abusive racist dude who commits hate crimes and bear in mind she knows Alex was abused for being gay) IT'S GROSS.

Speaks about Alex's secret relationship guy being his home to Alex and literally feels his hopefulness because it is part of her alien ability and continues to pursue Michael in s2.

Maria (straight) outs Michael to Liz. That's not okay on any level.

When Liz tells Maria to speak to Alex before doing anything she ignores the advice and does what she wants.

She's really smug about Michael picking/pursuing her like she won.

Season 2

Pursues Michael at a funeral in front of Alex without talking to him.

Makes Michael's loved ones husband funeral about a relationship status

Slut shames a random woman who makes out with Michael when they were never exclusive

Enters a relationship with Michael where he has to be exclusive but she doesn't because she doesn't believe he could be faithful. That's reeks of harmful biphobia stereotypes.

Ignores Alex the whole time UNTIL she needs something.

When she appears at Alex's door she says they are even. AKA comparing Alex not telling her a secret that wasn't his to share to her pursuing the love of his life in front of him without any empathy and ignoring the whole time.

Bitches to Alex about Liz and wanting fuck all to do with her. Alex has to remind her Liz has a dead boyfriend and is struggling cause Maria only has Maria vision and lacks empathy for her 'best friends'.

Uses her mom's laptop to get the scope on Alex/Michael's relationship which reads 100% manipulative. She even says Michael is pushing you away and then proceeds to encourage the narrative where Michael pushes Alex away because she suddenly wants Michael. And of course Alex is supportive she recognises he lacks self worth and rolls over him.

Beginning of 2x06 she tries to set up Forlex to get Alex away from Michael. Once again manipulative.

Tries to make Alex feel guilty for being gay in 206 because when she was a kid she idealised being with him and had to come up with a whole new plan. He grew up in an abusive household you know that....It's not okay to say that. You know how much internalised homophobia he has.

When saying he's had good relationships provides only examples of relationships with women......................HE IS GAY.

Asks him if he would change being gay.......jfc.

Alex tearfully saying he dissociates with women because he clearly forced himself to out of internalised phobia, Maria takes it to mean she has a chance. She thinks she's the exception since a touch starved abuse victim liked to be touched by her in high school. That doesn't = consent.

When Alex, a whole ass Airforce Captain tells her it's unsafe to stay at the creepo's place she acts all I am feminist about it and this results in Alex being stabbed and Michael getting whacked on the head.

Earlier in the episode she whinges to Alex about Michael kissing another woman in front of her and how cruel it was and then proceeds to kiss Michael in front of Alex KNOWING how he feels for Michael.

In THAT scene it's clear she notices Michael's emotions towards Alex and is insecure about it. She uses Malex's feelings for each other to her advantage. She's chasing the fantasy of getting with Alex. These are two highly traumatised queer men who struggle to say no because they spent their lives in abusive environments.

Neither Michael or Alex were in a position to consent to sex that night Michael is concussed from a whack on the head . Alex has lost a lot of blood and is completely out of it. And neither would ever initiate that situation. Not to mention the assumption Michael would be down because he's bi is so harmful as a stereotype.

"I think she’s cool with her decision. She wanted some answers, so subconsciously there was an emotional comfort she needed. But she also had a little bit of an agenda. She needed some decisions made about the status of their relationships, so she thought, “Let’s throw everything against the wall and see where it lands.” I think she was just wondering if they made any progress on that front. She said it was OK for their feelings to be out in the open, but let’s just voice them for what they are. As we saw, Michael stepped up and was like, “No, I still love you and I’m with you.” Secretly, that’s what Maria was hoping for. By suggesting a threesome, she’s was basically telling Michael, “Make your choice… and I hope it’s me.” this is what Heather said about the scene. So not only was it coercive and such but she used her best friend like that with no care or empathy whatsoever. It's disgraceful.

The next day both Michael and Alex are confused by what the fuck happened. Alex due to his C-PTSD completely dissociates from the situation and Michael attempts to laugh it off despite him being hella confused. The only person who isn't confused is Maria who is listening to them from inside.

When Michael comes in she turns on the tears just in case he does want Alex afterwards. Bear in mind she is a psychic who can feel everything and she assumed Michael was going to go after Alex. Doesn't that say it all. SHE KNOWS MICHAEL IS IN LOVE WITH ALEX AND VICE VERSA. She does not care, because at the end of the day this is what she wants. She wants to win. She wants to treat Michael like this trophy that she can show off to people I got the great Michael Guerin not a relationship guy to date me.

When Michael wants to have emotional conversations she shuts it down for sex. The entirety of the relationship it has to be her way or the high way. She also recognises fairly on his abandonment issues and plays upon it, reads manipulative.

When Michael who has lost his mom and brother in the span of a few months asks Maria to be more careful about her abilities she doesn't listen. And ultimately breaks up with Michael when she can't get what she wants from him which is a yes man who will do what she says and isn't the idealised Michael she wants.

Season 3

Shits on Michael any chance she gets. She's so mean to him and he goes out of his way to look out for her.

Is dismissive of her own health despite the fact that everybody goes out of their way to help her. Liz is in California working on a way to help her. Kyle is risking his job.etc

Is fine with Liz, her best friend losing the love of her life to get a vision to prevent a murder. A vision she's only invested in because apparently in it she blames herself.

Is fine with Max or Kyle dealing with the guilt of her death had Michael not saved her.

Shoves Michael and belittles him because he's stronger then her. Infers he just sits on his ass and does nothing therefore does not care about anything....rude. There's also a weird superiority complex that her power is more important then Michaels or any of pod squad for that matter.

Creates a situation that is so bad that Kyle risks his doctors licence to give her adrenaline. Just take an ice bath or something there are a 1000 ways to give yourself adrenaline without risking your life and risking others.

Doesn't thank or acknowledge what Liz is doing for her honey has spent a FULL YEAR of her life trying to help and your just like yeah I'll let her soulmate die for my visions.

Emotionally guilts Isobel for not hanging out with her despite the fact she's hated her for two seasons and now has just randomly decided she wants to know......okay

This idea that Maria is suddenly lonely when she's the second of the main cast (first being Kyle) to have scenes with all the mains by Monday. Literally everyone is there at her beck and call but Maria is lonely??? IT DOESN'T ADD UP. Everyone's up her arse 9/10 how is she lonely everyone expresses concern and care for her ALL THE DAMN TIME. She's also narratively never had scenes that give the connotation that she is lonely. Michael has scenes that connotate he is lonely. Max and Alex do too. Maria has yet to have scenes that give the connotation of feeling lonely or depressed.

Maria comparing the alien siblings to her and feeling left out when she acts superior to them and they are literally siblings. Literally every character is somewhat left out with Pod Squad they've lived their lives assuming it's just them three against the world it's not a personal attack.

Maria is 1/8 alien at best so diluted genetically it doesn't show up and somehow she believes she has the capability of the aliens who are 100%. Say you have French DNA you don't expect to speak French suddenly.

This whole Maria never does wrong narrative and it's empowering that she's doing all of this just feels like a crock of shit tbh.

She reads like a 2000's movie mean girl.

All of my bullet points are why I don't like h Maria and it's not biased because I'm a so and so fan. Narratively she just wins up doing shitty things to Michael and Alex the most.

[makingspiritualityreal]

Parental wound healing Trauma Processing.

Something that I feel is not talked about enough is the practical side effect of experiencing irreversible loss as a result of trauma. This is something I've been battling with my whole life, due to lack of a parental influence. It's very painful to talk about, and it took me years to be present with the feeling fully, because existing with it every day is so bad makes me want to not be alive at all, just so that I don't have to experience it.

I've been ashamed of it in the past, thinking that talking about it would make me look weak and show how desperately life has actually starved me. I used to think I shouldn't show how this has hurt me, that it would lead to me being mocked and called weak. That it's something I should hide, because I was raised to feel like it's my fault that I'm experiencing this pain. But as much as I'm in pain right now and have been all along, I'm also angry, very angry with people who put me in these situations. I realise the original wound is parental, and everything else after is a mirror...but just because I'm aware of my own mirrored wounds, it doesn't absolve anyone involved from their behaviour, parent or not.

My parents separated when I was 2. My father was greatly upset with my mother for moving back in with her parents and taking me to another town, thus making it more difficult for him to see me. Still, it was unavoidable, as their relationship wasn't working despite their attempts at fixing it. Technically, the distance wasn't bad enough for me to be inaccessible, just a couple of hours of a car ride, but to my father it was an emotional blow. Because of his poor emotional processing and his earlier wounds, he locked himself away, and as a result, ignored me completely for the next 6 years.

That put me in a difficult spot. I was raised by my mom, who made a considerable effort to love me as much as she could on her own, but I suffered a poor emotional background of my father being so self-centred and locked away in his mistakes, he didn't consider my own needs at all. There are plenty of kids, who go through parents separating that don't end up in such a tough spot. My father however, was always strictly selfish, ultimately not doing right by anything or anyone in the process. My mom never remarried, which left me bereft of any male influence or care from a father figure growing up.

This started a chain of events in a story, where I couldn't win, no matter what I did. After my parents separated, my mother encouraged me to send postcards to my father on special occasions, despite the bad blood between them. She wanted me to have an opportunity to have contact with the other parent. My father ignored all of my attempts at contact, and only contacted me years later at his convenience, without apologising for being absent this entire time.

Then, as we would meet during summer vacations, the other aspect of the abuse started, as he would only approve of me as much as I tried to fit into his agenda to move back abroad with him, in order for him to forget the mistakes of his past. Naturally, being only a child, I refused to be moved back abroad to my birthplace, only to fit his selfish means, which was wrong in the first place. Seeing, that he can't manipulate me to change his mind, he set out to start a new family, completely side-lining me. He had a new wife, a new daughter, and if he was neglecting me 99% before, at this point he was neglecting me a 120%.

There was nothing I had to gain for myself from this relationship, so at some point, after a particularly angry fight, which took place when I was already an adult, I cut off contact. Which we still haven't really resumed since.

My father's new relationship ultimately didn't work, as currently both my little sister and his recent ex try to milk him for all his money, which my mother never did out of kindness, and they both don't care for him one bit emotionally either. When we met a few months ago, he told me he should have treated me better and invested in me more...only now I'm almost 30, and for me it is too late.

I could be angry with him. I could be angry that such a fractured childhood results in me manifesting either no men at all, or selfish, blind people who mistreat my emotions. But for the most part, I'm devastated. Because while I cut contact off with him, he went on to distract himself with his new faux family, that didn't really make him happy...and completely skipped over the fact, that I needed to have a father. That I needed to have a model for a man in my life. That while he had a new family, as fake as it was, I had no one, and still don't, all these years later. There was no way for him to see my suffering, because he didn't want to look at it. He would tell me, that life is tough and I should grow up, because no one would care about how I feel. But in reality, it meant he didn't care enough how I feel to treat me well. He didn't want to look at his mistakes, because he didn't want to face himself.

At the end of the day, understanding all that doesn't make anything better for me. Because I still didn't get anything for myself. Because I still don't feel any relief. Because as much as I managed to work through feeling responsible for this situation, when it was the fault for my father's mistakes, I am still neglected, skipped over, uncared for. My well being was still sacrificed, just so that someone else could be dumb about their life choices, that only brought losses to all parties involved. I couldn't have done anything. I am helpless and powerless to other people's bad decisions, alone with the problem, still unloved. I might have had removed the element of trying too hard for a toxic parent, that doesn't reciprocate, but I'm still left with the pain so strong I don't even want to exist. Worst of all is knowing nobody will care, nobody will look at me or my needs or how I'm doing. Nobody will make this situation right. There is no hope for me to receive what I need or get better, to get what is owed to me in any form. No anger is going to solve this for me. No effort on my part is going to improve this situation. I am at the mercy of fate, and mistakes of people with a lower level of compassion and no care for my suffering, with no possibility of creating anything healthier in my life.

[buckyownsmylife]

daddy issues - chapter xiv

The one where Ransom doesn’t feel ready to become a father, but he should have thought about it before sleeping with a complete stranger.

When Ransom’s latest one night stand lets him know that he’s going to become a father, he finds himself looking for the qualities he never believed to have so he can become the parent he never got to witness as a child.

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist.

A/N for this chapter: this chapter’s coming to you unedited because I am honestly emotionally exhausted and the only reason I even got this done is because “playing” with these two makes me happy. So yeah, I’m officially stretching the story a bit more (next chapter is the one I’ve been referring to for a while) and after it we’ll be pretty close to the end!

Y/N’s P.O.V.

Ransom had been a weird mixture of nervous and excited ever since he picked me up from work after visiting his grandfather. I knew they had a good relationship - from what I gathered, it was the only truly peaceful relationship he kept with his entire family - so I didn’t understand what the anxiety was about until he admitted, almost blurting out, “He asked me to visit the publishing house with him tomorrow.”

It was impossible to contain my smile. “That’s great, honey! He really does trust you, huh?” But Ransom didn’t even nod, just kept looking at me with eyes filled with a heavy emotion I couldn’t name, so I tried to occupy myself with other stuff.

“What time are you leaving? Do you want me to book a car to take me to university or will you still be able to give you a ride?” When he didn’t immediately answer me, I raised my gaze from the pile of essays in my hands to check on him, and the moment our eyes met, he seemed to snap out of whatever it was that was keeping him immobilized.

“No, I should be able to take you. Don’t worry about it.” I wasn’t worried, but I knew Ransom enough by now to be aware that he wouldn’t relent, not wanting me to go to my workplace without him, so I just smiled.

“Okay, babe.” The petname escaped my lips so easily, I froze when my own ears processed it, but I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. Out of the corner of my eye, I could still see Ransom’s frame paralyzed where I had left him, so I just focused on my work and pretended like nothing different had happened.

“I should be up in a minute.” I tried to act as nonchalant as possible. I didn’t look at him again, but I saw him nod from my peripheral vision before turning around and leaving towards the staircase, allowing me to breathe deeply again. What the hell was going on with me?

Ransom’s P.O.V.

She never came to bed when she did decide to call it a night. Well, she did stop by my bedroom, but chose to remain by the threshold until I caught sight of her figure, and when our eyes met, she smiled and wished me a good night.

I sighed when I realized that I was going to have to sleep alone. I didn’t like that, I didn’t want it. But there was nothing I could really do about it. She wasn’t my girlfriend, she was just the mother of my baby. At least to her own eyes.

Having her so close and then seeing her pull away was tearing at my heart, which is why when I got up in the morning to find her in the kitchen, breakfast already made while a packet waited next to my plate, I felt like I would physically melt.

“What is this?” I asked, already reaching out for it. I opened and checked to find a few sandwiches - homemade - before she could confirm what my eyes were seeing, but I was still struggling to process.

“I-I fixed you a lunch bag. I don’t know how long it’s going to be with your grandpa, didn’t want you to starve.” I just stared at her, unblinking, while this warm feeling spread over my chest, even turning me on.

Because I understood what this was. I understood what she meant by this. This was her, recognizing she had taken two steps back yesterday, and compensating with a gesture that moved us even closer to where I hoped to take us.

My heartbeat picked up at the realization that she did want something more. She did, she just needed time to adjust. And I could give her that - I could keep giving her that, just as long as we kept moving forward.

“It’s okay if you don’t want it.” I’d taken too long to answer, she had approached me quickly to snatch the bag from my grasp. “It’s stupid anyway.” I stopped her, both hands on her waist before she could fully turn around.

“No, give me it!” I know it sounded whiney, but I didn’t want to risk being without my lunch bag. Once it was in the safety of my hands, I put it to the side for just enough time to cradle her face and force her to take in what I had to say. “Don’t you ever say anything you did for me is stupid. I’m not used to having people do things for me because they thing I’d like or need them. This means everything to me.”

The soft smile she gave me, the way her eyes looked up at me from under her eyelashes had me feeling like I was on a rollercoaster and the fall had just begun. I suppose, in many ways, it already had.

The little gesture didn’t leave my mind the entire day. I caught myself smiling at nothing, becoming easily distracted while Harlan tried to explain something about the presses to me, but every time I ran a hand over my face and apologized, he just gave me a knowing smile.

I didn’t even feel embarrassed about it. I was almost proud, really. I had spent an entire life having to pay for what I needed - and I did it, unashamedly so. And now there was this incredible woman who wanted to take care of me. I could barely believe it.

I couldn’t believe that this woman that I didn’t even know a few months ago was now everything I thought of, everything I wanted in life.

Everything was going well, too well. I should have known it was only a matter of time until something ruined it.

I first noticed it because Harlan’s face suddenly fell when he raised his gaze to meet mine, instead settling on something over my shoulder. When I turned around, I quickly understood why.

It was my mom, and by the way she marched in our direction, she clearly wasn’t here to do anything cheerful.

“Was I supposed to know about you having a baby through my own father?” I cringed, even visibly flinched at the knowledge that she now knew about my kid. “Have you no respect for your mother?”

My snicker said everything she needed to know, and when she raised a finger to shake it on my face, it took Harlan to control us both. “Okay, alright, that’s it. This is still my place of work, an extension of my house, I won’t have you two disrespecting it’s sanctity.”

I huffed, adjusting my coat as I turned my back on her to focus on my grandfather again. He was the reason why I was there, and the only reason why I didn’t just leave upon seeing my mother.

“Now, Linda, if Ransom didn’t tell you about something this important in his life, there must be a reason for it. What do you think it is?” My mother turned her face from her own father, seeming particularly interested on her own high heel shoes now. We both knew she wouldn’t relent, so with a sigh, Harlan met my eyes, silently asking me to be the bigger person here - I knew.

“How about this, I’ve been meaning to have you all for dinner for a while, it’s been a long time since the family gathered for anything other than a holiday. Is Friday good for both of you? You can bring the girl, if you want.” That last part was directed to me specifically, making my eyes widen. I could only imagine what she would say if I suggested a family dinner with my entire family, especially considering everything I had told her about them - and why I wasn’t excited to tell them about the baby in the slightest.

“I’ll see, but she might be busy.” My mother snickered, making me narrow my eyes at her, thinking about a very important reassurance I needed to get before I even considering attending that dinner. “If I do end up bringing her, I don’t want to see any of you all treating her as anything less than a princess, is that understood?”

Of course, Harlan knew I was speaking more to my mother than to him, and that I expected the message to be extended to the rest of the family before Friday rolled around, but seeing as my mother was still brushing her already perfectly clean skirt, he was the one to answer.

“Of course, Ransom. We’re all excited to meet her, she’s a welcome guest in my house.” The warning was there for the both of us. And even though it was my mother that would need to keep that in mind, I already knew I was the one who would end up leaving the only place outside my house where I felt safe because as long as she was there, there was no way I’d feel okay.