#after I realised that I started to blame myself for everything

[elasgottoomuchfreetime]

Sometimes I randomly think about how I somehow tried to improve my mindset in the last few years and then some part of me usually adds girl you‘re only 19 wth which causes me to just stare into space for a bit.

[gummieturtle]

that feeling when you're mood has been spiralling for hours, you're exhausted but too nauseous to sleep, and everything from the feeling of the hair on your head to the videos on your phone seem to be too overstimulating, then in a moment of clarity you realise that eating food is something you're generally supposed to remember to do, is something you've only done once today, and is probably the reason you feel like this💀👍

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

All these ADHD success stories have me in tears because that could have been me, and sometimes it was me, but I still couldn't make it. Three years of attempting the same two semesters, countless meetings with counselors and support services and professors, med dosage increases, mental breakdowns, love and support from a classmate who unofficially adopted me (who I haven't spoken to since I dropped out)... Nothing to show for it but burnout and trauma.

Can it ever get better from here? I feel hopeless.

I'm so sorry. I'm not sure people realise just how fractured your self-esteem becomes when you fail out of an academic course; it properly haunts you, and for a long time afterwards.

I failed my first degree thanks to my own undiagnosed ADHD. I have a very typical story among our people - female, high-achieving in high school, fell apart in university. It was my second year where everything suddenly went wrong. I did not turn in a single assignment on time. I physically, mechanically, could not get myself to write them until the night before the final two-weeks-late deadline, when I'd have to pull an all-nighter and hate life and myself and eventually hand it in in the morning and then sleep for the rest of the day. My attendance was utterly appalling, particularly for a 9am lecture; trying to get up at 8 was a task roughly equivalent to trying to walk on water. I had to resit the exams I'd failed every summer. A particular low point was missing an exam because I didn't realise I even had it; I'd attended so few lectures that I hadn't heard the lecturer say it existed. I remember lying in bed at night and crying, full on sobbing, because I knew something was wrong with me but I didn't know what had happened. I'd always been so good at this, always had such good grades; it was part of my identity, both for myself and how others saw me.

And like. What else can you blame that on? What other explanation is there, other than 'laziness'?

I did better in my third year; I was determined to attend, and get assignments done. I was better; though still a long way from perfect. But so much damage had been done by then. I had better marks, but there was one single module whose assignment I passed but whose exam I failed; I just needed to resit the exam.

And I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. There was too much shame, too much guilt. I honestly couldn't fathom what the point of even trying was. I was so burnt out and broken by then. And then I had to pick up the pieces afterwards and return to life, surrounded by friends who had made it, with nothing of my own to show.

It was a few years later that I decided to go back to uni and try again. By then, I was doing it for a different reason - I wanted to prove to myself and the world that I could do it, I think. I was a bit older and a bit wiser by then; enough that I chose to be very honest with myself at every step, and could start putting systems in place to succeed. This time, it was a small class, so the lecturers all knew me by name rather than letting me fade into the background; I studied part-time to avoid overwhelm; I altered my own deadlines to be a week early, and I forced myself to write to them.

I think a crucial part was also changing how I viewed the degree, and my attitude to higher ed. Before, I did uni because "That's what you do after school". I saw it as a bigger high school with different teachers, like I HAD to be there and was doing assignments and attending because I HAD to, not because I fundamentally wanted to do the course for its own sake. The second time, I did it properly - I wanted a degree. I wanted a degree in that specific topic. I wanted to improve academically. I read the feedback this time, and applied it to each following assignment.

And, I got into the habit of going into the university computer room every day for a few hours so I could work on my assignments. Other course mates started joining me; one in particular, Chris, who later also got diagnosed with ADHD. I now know we were body doubling, but at the time, we both just saw it as getting into a good habit and working on assignments in a nicer environment.

I finished that degree with a first. Since then, I did a PG Cert with Oxford University, and a post-grad PCET, both of which required the same study-based skillset. Oxford in particular was hard, because the nature of the course was a distance learning one, and that is Very Bad for my ADHD; my brain requires routine and structure and accountability to work. That one gave me mild burnout, actually. But, my point is this:

It absolutely can get better. What that looks like is going to be different for everyone, because you need to be very honest with yourself about what works for you and what doesn't, and then choose a course accordingly; there are also specific types of support that you may need, which may or may not be available.

But you really, really can do it if you can get the right set-up and accommodations.

However, I would be wrong not to add this:

We connect university with intelligence, culturally, and we shouldn't. University is about depth of learning on a particular subject, done within and according to a particular system. Intelligence helps, but other skills are also needed to be able to complete a university degree; and that's not for everyone. You could be more than intelligent enough for it, and it still may be the wrong fit for you. That doesn't mean you're stupid or broken or useless - it just means this isn't the system for you. And there's no shame whatsoever in that.

That may or may not be true of you! We don't know each other, you could be in either bracket. But either way: you are not stupid, or useless, or broken. The system is simply not set up for your personal brain chemistry, any more than a tree-climbing test is set up for a fish. Hopefully any of this ramble is helpful!

[klausysworld]

Very closed off reader who kinda clings to Klaus because they relate to him in the fact that he has family troubles :( she sees that he clearley does the things he does because of trauma or whatever and so does everything in her power to show him that he's got someone to fall back on.

Every time he shouts at her or retaleates because he's upset and dosent understand how soemone could be so nice to him she simply gives him a hug or a gift or just sits some distance away to show he isn't alone.

She deals with all his meanness quite well because she's used to it from her family and has learned to block it out :( one day he really has enough of her and after something goes wrong with Elena or Salvatore he really doesn't want reader around him. She tells him quite confidently that he needs soemone to help him and she would never leave him alone at which point he smirks and says something snarky before proving that he doesn't need her. He reaches into her chest and grips her heart and kinda realises he is in the wrong when she looks kinda shocked and sad so he gently takes his hand out and feeds her his blood to help with the damage he left behind. Afterwards reader is less affectionate with him and only sits with him when he is in a state, now afraid to touch him incase he lashes out but still wanting to support him cuz she cares about him :(

Thanks for reading, love your stories!

The Betrayed Becomes The Betrayer.

Growing up on an aggressive household desensitised me to a lot of things; yelling and smashing objects especially. My parents were a mess, I'm not sure if they didn't know how to love or just didn't want to.

Eventually I realised that they were the same thing and that I wasn't wanted at home, so I left and found Hayley.

Which was how I wound up finding Klaus.

He was a broken man, I could tell. Elijah confirmed that their parents had been cruel and abusive almost as soon as we met him which I assumed they also must've become desensitised over it after a thousand years.

However when I actually met Klaus, it was obvious that he was still deeply affected by it. I could understand him, his feelings and his thoughts. I got why he wanted to be so strategic, to have the control that was taken form him. I knew why he wanted to make people hurt the way he hurt and why he was as aggressive as the the people that raised him.

I wasn't violent, or an angry person. I had learnt to be quiet and keep things to myself so that I didn't get in the way but I would think about it. How it would feel to hurt someone, to make them feel worthless and then leave them. Could it really feel good enough to do over and over?

In my head I assumed it must do but I could never bring myself to actually torment someone the way I had been.

But I could tell that Klaus was still haunted by the past and it affected his every move. I couldn't blame him, or fault him for acting upon the images that swirled in my own mind.

Often he got frustrated, angry and inevitably lash out against someone. Something would be thrown, smashed. Someone would be yelling, screaming.

But I never wanted to be mad at him, to me he didn't deserve to be ranted at for what he'd done. They were riling him up further and it was obvious, it was like they wanted him to explode and hurt someone.

So instead of pushing him off that edge, I tried to help him back up.

To begin with I would just be the only one in the room not glaring at him with hatred. I just wanted him to know that there was someone on his side. He didn't notice for a little while but after a couple arguments I think he started to feel my presence. Sometimes he would get snappy, ask what I was looking at but when I'd just tell him that I understood why he did what he did, Klaus would get less defensive.

I wasn't a touchy person, ever, but the time his mother had been back and she hurt him so bad that he cried in his room, I didn't know what else to do but hug him.

After that it seemed like I was hugging him all the time. He calmed so much easier with some touch.

Sometimes he accepted it without complaint but sometimes he didn't want anyone near him so I would go away and come back later. He knew I was there when he needed me and I learnt to be a patient person.

I also learnt not to react so when he screamed in my face I didn't yell back. He had been so stressed lately and a lot of people had died yesterday the day before. I left him alone for the night before coming back in the morning to try and be there, he didn't want to talk so I went away and came back in the afternoon. To begin with he was fine but he got angry so fast, I barely said anything before he was yelling.

I tried not to react, not to talk back or get defensive but then he pushed me. Both hands on my shoulders, shoving me backward toward the wall and I tensed and something stirred in me.

I told him he was being ridiculous, pathetic and he didn't know what he needed.

"What? You think I need you? You think I like your desperate little cuddles. I'm not the one craving touch and love. I've been fine for centuries and I don't need a clingy little thing following me around." He snapped at me and I felt my frown deepen and the hurt biting at me.

"I'm not being clingy...I'm just trying to be helpful." I whispered and he scoffed.

Klaus got close, too close and it frightened me a little. I took a few steps back and he chuckled, trapping me to the wall.

"What is it, love? No more snuggles? You don't want to tell me it's okay? You gonna tell me I should paint a picture?" He mocked, his breath hot on my face. "You think I'm pathetic sweetheart? Think I need you? All I need is for you to disappear." His voice was low but clear, eyes cold and I felt the adrenaline hit and screaming for me to run but I froze just like I used to when I was little.

The smallest sound left me when I felt something agonising within my chest. My mouth opened but no noise would come out and I struggled to breath at all. I looked down, watching my own blood seep through my clothes and drip down his wrist. My eyes were stinging and I could feel my heart close to exploding as his grip tightened. I wasn't sure if I was stood there for hours or seconds before my body reacted and my arms shot up, both my hands latching onto his wrist so he couldn't pull the organ out.

My eyes shot up to look into his, seeing them soften after a second before his hand let go around my heart. A loud cry left me when he tore his fist out of my chest, leaving a gaping hole. I panted and a strong metallic taste filled my mouth as blood dripped past my lips.

His voice sounded blurry when he tried to tell me something, nothing felt real as my legs went weak and his hands touched my sides. The touch made me cry again and I felt him hesitate before something gross was pressed to my mouth and I couldn't tell if I was choking on my blood or his.

After a moment I could feel my body healing from the inside out, physically I felt better but now my mind was spinning. I looked up at him again, I could feel the fear pulsing through my veins when he reached his hand toward me.

This time I didn't freeze.

I was up and out of the room as fast as my legs could move.

I avoided him for a few days, part of me knew he wasn't going to do anything again and that he felt bad about it but the other part of me couldn't help but worry.

It was only when he was attacked again that I willingly sat in the same room as him.

"You okay?" I asked and he looked over to me, he was splattered with blood but at least it wasn’t mine.

"Yeah...I'm okay." He whispered, nodding.

I shifted in my place and he shuffled over on the couch so I could sit on the other end to him. The silence was awkward for a while, actually the entire time.

It was for quite a lot of the times I was near him. I wanted to be there for him, show him I understood but I was still scared and I didn't want to be close enough that he could kill me or hurt me just incase he did.

It was when he was carried in my Elijah, Papa Tunde’s blade in his chest causing him to be immobile and in agonising pain, when I got close again.

Elijah dropped him to the bed with a soft thud and was moving fast. He turned, looking right at me before talking.

“I need you to feed him your blood. It’s laced with vervain, he’ll heal slow. You need to keep him here or he is going to kill Rebekah. I don’t want to burden you, Y/N, but I’m afraid you’re the only who’s even a possibility.” He directed quickly, whilst dragging the blade from his brother’s chest.

“A possibility for what?” I asked, confused and afraid. I didn’t want to give him my blood. It was like asking him to kill me.

“You’re the only person he might listen to.” He explained as he headed for the door. “He won’t hurt you.” He told me and it sounded like a promise before he left.

Klaus let out a groan and I turned, hesitantly walking over to the edge of his bed. I silently dammed myself for being concerned enough to follow Elijah when he carried him in here.

I looked down at him, wincing at the cut that hadn’t healed down the length of his bare chest.

“What…what happened?” I whispered, wanting to reach out to touch but willing myself not to.

“Elijah-“ Klaus grunted, his teeth grinding as he forced words out. “He stabbed me for her.” It was clear that rage was all he felt in that moment as he tried to push himself up, only to let out a cry of pain.

“Rebekah?” I wondered and he seethed.

“She betrayed me. Called Mikael. She wanted me dead!” He yelled, his aggression growing as I felt my hairs stand on edge.

I was quiet, watching him struggle desperately.

I understand why he was so mad, betrayal was a huge thing for him. Abandonment, paranoia. It made him this way and Rebekah used it and ruined all of their lives but I had no doubt she had her reasons…not that I’d tell him that.

“She doesn’t now” I whispered and his had snapped to me. “She loved you now, she’s here now-“

“Only months ago did she stand beside Marcellus and watch as his vampires tried to kill me. She has always wanted me gone. She’s so desperate for Marcel that she’d kill her own brother-“ he snapped and I flinched.

His voice died off when I stepped back and he grunted softly. He was taking fast but deep breaths, trying to gather some stability and I could feel Elijah’s words echoing through me. That I had to let Klaus feed from me.

Reluctantly I shifted closer again, he was quiet as I sat down on the edge of his bed. His body was laid so close to me and his chest moved with each pain-filled breath.

My entire arm shook as I held it out, right infront of his face and it made his skin dance with veins. “Love…” he muttered, his jaw clenching as he inhaled through his nose. “I’m not going to hurt you” he uttered, I could feel his eyes on my but I couldn’t look back at his. “Not again. Just…there’s blood bags downstairs”

“Elijah said I have to use mine, the vervain makes it slower or something? I don’t know…I can’t do it wrong” I pushed my wrist closer, glancing at the fangs that were pushing past his gums.

“He won’t be mad.”

“He’s trusting me.” I whispered, finally looking up to klaus’s eyes and he sighed before slowly nodding.

I almost tugged my arm back when I felt his teeth pierce the skin, the sting making me move but his hand lifted to keep me in place. His eyes stayed locked on mine as he fed, it was such a strange sensation; much less painful than a needle.

As I felt myself weaken, I noticed the wound across his body fixing itself. My eyes started to go and for a second I faltered, my head beginning to drop but his other hand caught my chin and held me up. His fangs retreated back up and something warm and wet slid across my wrist before I was leaned up against him.

“I’m so sorry, love.” He whispered into my ear. “I have to finish what they’ve started.” He told me and I knew he wanted to murder Rebekah and I wanted to talk to him but he’d taken so much blood. His eyes stared straight into mine, reaching into my mind. “You’re going to fall asleep, you’ll wake tomorrow morning and you will feel no pain from this bite. I will heal you when I return. I promise I didn’t take enough to kill you, just to empty you of vervain.”

I wanted to argue, yell or anything but my mind shut down and my eyes wouldn’t stay open. I sunk into myself completely and lay, somehow conscious and unconscious as I tried to wake myself up.

I woke the next morning like he instructed my body to do, I glanced at my wrist to find it wrapped in bandages. My head lifted to see a glass of water, tinted pink by what I assumed was blood beside a small teddybear.

Hesitantly I sipped the drink, feeling instantly better before picking up the toy.

“I thought you’d like it” a voice sounded from the doorway, I glanced to see Klaus. Both his hands were behind his back and a guilty look painted his face.

I pushed myself up, it felt strange being in someone else’s bed; especially Klaus’s.

I didn’t answer him as I got up and pushed past him, shoving the teddy into his chest and going straight to my own room.

For a man who hated betrayal, he sure knew how to commit it.

He knew I was already afraid of him, that I didn’t want to be that close again and he took advantage of the ounce of trust I still had.

I understood him, but I couldn’t do this again. I’d been in this situation too many times.

[the-thing-withfeathers]

pushing all the right buttons

a/n: ever since i started writing more & posting, i’ve had sooo much madison muse. so here’s a lil treat of dom!mads. this is also kind of in honor of the encore tour ending, she absolutely killed it this time around & i’m so grateful i got to see her.

pairing: dominant!madison beer x reader

warnings: kinda angsty at first but then smut smut smut, fluff at the end tho!!!! degradation, choking, oral & fingering (r!receiving), cursing, edging, hair-pulling, overstimulation.

summary: after not seeing madison for a bit, you decide to try and get a rise out of her.

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

madison had finished touring about a month ago. you had been at her final show and flew straight back home with her. ever since she’s gotten back though, your affection with her has been limited to kisses & cuddles. you wanted more after months of missing her.

at first, you chalked it up to her mainly being exhausted, which was fair enough, she got up on stage every night to perform her pieces of art. you couldn’t blame her for it. but as time went on, you started to wonder if maybe she lost attraction to you. you had to find a way to get that spark back.

you two were invited to a house party, it was hosted by one of your mutual friends as a celebration for everyone being in one place again.

you wanted to look good. not just good but amazing. you wanted her to notice you, to perceive you the way she used to.

you put on a backless cocktail dress that tied up behind your neck. you wore your down but styled it so it would be curled, your make up highlighted all your best features.

as you got ready in seperate rooms for the sake of having more bathroom space, you hadn’t seen what madison was wearing. your breath caught in your throat the second you saw her. she was in a blue sparkly dress, it was showing off everything you found beautiful about her body. you always thought she was captivating, her beauty unmatched. she had gold hoops on and her hair was tied up with a hair stick in it that you bought her when you visited her in japan.

“hey, baby.” she said, smiling at you. “you look great!”

great? that’s all?

“thanks.” you huffed, “you look amazing. i love the hair stick i got you!” you said, trying to lift your mood.

“i realised i haven’t used it properly.” she said, looking at it in the mirror. “thought it was about time.”

“yeah…” you muttered, grabbing your bag. “we should go. we’re already late.” you said, unclasping your purse to put your phone in there.

“alright, wait for me in the car.” she said, nodding and rushing to put the finishing touches on her make up.

“okay…” you simply said, walking down to the car and sitting in the passenger seat to wait for her.

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

the car ride was mostly quiet, the radio filling the gaps of silence. you realised she needed to focus on the road so you just used your phone for the drive.

when you both arrived, the party already had a handful of people in attendance. you two walked in and madison was immediately whisked away by her friends that have been waiting to see her when she got back, leaving you to fend for yourself a little bit.

you walked over to the drink table, pouring yourself something into a red solo cup. you feel a hand touch your shoulder.

it’s a girl you hadn’t met properly before but you know she had worked with madison on one of her music videos.

“heyy girl! oh my god, that dress is so pretty! i NEED to know where you got it!” she said, grabbing herself a drink too.

“awh, thank you!” you said. “um… i actually thrifted it. i made altercations to it myself.”

“what?! that’s insane. it looks like it hasn’t been touched at all!” she said, looking at the dress a bit closer. “you’re too talented!”

across the room, you felt eyes burn into the back of your head. you felt yourself to turn to where madison was talking to one of her friends, you two made eye contact. she didn’t look too happy. that wasn’t the reaction you wanted initially, but if it meant she paid some attention to you, maybe you would have to work with what you had.

“you’re too sweet.” you said, turning back to her. “but yeah! i alter a lot of my clothes, it’s just something i learned how to do.”

“that’s crazy. i think i’d just ruin my clothes if i tried.” she laughed, covering her mouth as she did. you laughed with her, it was geniune but you had to sell it. you leaned forward, touching her shoulder. she put a hand on your waist as you two made contact, laughing together still.

you found yourself chatting to this girl— who you found out was named gracie, actually having a decent conversation. you two talked about your jobs, your hobbies, and even a bit about your childhoods before you exchanged instagram handles.

while yes, you were partially using her to make madison jealous, you were excited to make a new friend on your own, at a party where you only knew a handful of people.

the whole time, you felt madison’s eyes on you. she kept glancing at you, a fire in those angry eyes.

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

madison felt herself scowl at the two of you. one of her friends, nick, started laughing at her.

“dude, you’re going to wrinkle if you keep doing that.” he chuckled, following her eyeline until he saw what she was looking at.

madison didn’t mean to be distant from you, she didn’t know why she wasn’t giving you the affection you wanted. she kept finding herself having to fulfill obligations from her work. she failed to realise you were needing her just as much.

she was seething seeing another girl give you the attention that she should have been giving to you.

she caught you excusing yourself for a moment and decided to make her move then.

“be right back.” she said, shoving her drink into nick’s chest and practicing stomping towards you.

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

you excused yourself from gracie to go find the bathroom. you struggled for a moment to find it before taking a chance and pushing one of the doors open to reveal it. you stepped inside and just as you were about to close the door, madison practically shoved the door open.

“mads— what—“ you were cut off by her hand wrapping around your throat, shoving you against the tile on the wall.

“my sweet girl, you thought you could just flirt with some other bitch and get away with it?” she asked, her sultry voice bouncing off the walls. “were you trying to upset me?”

you clawed at her hand, trying to push it away as tears welled at your eyes. as much as you were struggling to breathe, a part of you was excited to finally get what you wanted. you shook your head in a lie, whimpering softly as her hand pressed harder.

“well you sure as hell did.” she said, pressing kisses to your cheek. “are you a little slut for me? is that what you are? were you just being needy?”

you nodded, trying to gasp for air. as you tried to breathe through it, you felt a wetness pool at your core. you loved when she was gentle with you— but you loved this side of her just as much.

“well, you must be happy cause i’ll give you what you want, baby.” she said, her hand releasing your throat. you quickly inhaled the fresh air coming through the open bathroom window. you coughed a little, the air hitting your dry throat.

she pushed herself against you, straightening your back and her hands immediately found themselves lifting your dress. she turned you around and bent you over the sink.

“needy fucking whore.” she muttered, squatting down to pull your panties to your ankles. “fuck… you’re so wet. you love when i just throw you around, don’t you?”

“mmph… love when you throw me around.” you mumbled, holding onto the edge of the bathroom sink for dear life.

madison’s hand came down to smack your wet cunt then immediately after, started circling your clit with the pad of her thumb. you gripped the sink harder, crying out at the pain from the smack. “fuck!” you wailed out, your body jolting at the sudden contact.

“be quiet, bitch.” she said, sharpness on her tongue. “i wanna fuck you into oblivion, we can’t do that if someone catches us.” she said, smacking your pussy again. “you were being a bad girl…” she said, “this is what you deserve.”

you covered your mouth to prevent yourself from crying out again. you felt her mouth make contact with your wetness, her tongue fucking into your hole while her fingers worked your clit. your head fell down, your cheek against the counter. you were holding back moans but your efforts weren’t enough. you were crying out softly every time her tongue pushed into you, tears starting to fall out of your eyes.

this, paired with your touch-starved delirium, made you build towards an orgasm quickly— it didn’t even take madison a few minutes to get you close to the edge. when madison started to feel you shake, she immediately pulled away.

you sighed softly, realizing that you had been holding your breath in. your body relaxed but suddenly tensed up as madison’s fist bunched your hair up into a ball and she yanked you up, your back to her chest.

“look at yourself.” she ordered, forcing you to look at your red tear-stained cheeks. “so fucking good for me. am i really making you feel that good?” she asked, a smirk forming on her face as she laughed at you— it was embarrassing, she was taunting you. “you did this to yourself by thinking it was okay to let someone else touch you.”

“i’m sorry, mads.” you said, desperately wanting her to finish the job.

“sorry won’t do anything, baby. just let me do what i want to you then we can talk about forgiveness.” she said, her hair coming out of your hair and onto your breasts. she tore your dress open like it was nothing, you gasped at the gesture.

“if you’re so good at altering your clothes, you can put it back together.” she said, your breasts bouncing out of the dress. she moaned seeing them come out, your nipples hardening in the breeze.

her hand found its way around your throat again, applying less pressure than earlier but still enough to restrict your airways a little bit.

“watch me fuck you.” she said, holding your neck in place so you were watching. “watch yourself cum.”

she quickly found your clit again, your legs opening just a little bit more for her. she roughly rubbed at it with her middle finger as she placed her chin on your shoulder. she was watching you too. your hand found itself gripping onto her dress while the other was on the bathroom counter, stabilising yourself. you wanted to make noise but couldn’t get anything out because of her hand wrapped around your airway.

“i can feel you trying to moan, that’s so fucking hot.” she whispered, hot breath against your neck. “so fucking hot, baby.” she said, her finger suddenly entering you. you closed your eyes, the feeling was euphoric.

“hey!” she snapped. “eyes open.” she said, pulling her finger out to smack your ass. you whimpered at the loss of the build-up again, forcing your eyes open as she put her finger back into you.

“that’s it, love. you’re being good now.” she said, affirming you. you found yourself smiling at the sight of the two of you— you’ve been waiting for this for over a month and it’s just as good as you were expecting.

you felt that knot in your stomach start to form again, your grip on madison’s dress getting harder. she pumped her finger in and out of you quickly, her thumb supporting the motion by pressing against your clit. her grip on your throat loosened and you immediately let out a loud moan.

“mads.. mads, i’m gonna cum.” you managed to get out. your legs starting to grow weaker and your eyes starting to roll back into your head. you were seeing stars at this point.

“cum for me like the good whore you are.” she said, inserting another finger into you. “maybe i’ll forgive you then.”

it didn’t take much convincing for you to cum all over her fingers, crying out her name as your hand flew to her hair gripping as the tension in your belly snapped. your legs were shaking as she took her fingers out of you. you couldn’t hold yourself up anymore and fell down onto the floor, your back against the cold marbile bathtub.

“my pretty, pretty girl.” she cooed. your legs were still open so she brought her thumb to your clit again, earning a few jolts from you as you rode out your orgasm.

“you think i’m pretty?” you asked, a small soft smile forming on your face.

“i think you’re the most angelic creature to ever walk this earth.” she said, collecting your juices in her fingers, licking them clean as she pulled away.

“you haven’t made me feel pretty recently…” you pouted, your head reeling from the mind-blowing orgasm you just had. you’re pretty sure you lost control over your words.

“oh my baby… my sweet baby… if i ever do that again, you kill me on the spot.” she said, regretfully. “i’m sorry… let me make it up to you?”

you nodded with a toothy smile, your arms pulling her in for a hug. you were happy to have your girl back.

you two sat for a moment before you found your footing, standing up with madison’s help. you noticed your dress was ripped open still but neither of you had anything to cover you up.

“mads… you tore my dress.” you complained.

“oh! yeah… you may have forgiven me but i haven’t forgiven you.” she giggled. “second part of your punishment! walk back out to our car like that.” she said, turning you around to face the door.

“WHAT?!” you exclaimed.

“everyone’s drunk, they won’t notice a thing. they’ll probably forget about it too!” she defended her decision— which was totally not made just cause she got carried away by accident.

“mads… you can’t be serious.” you whined.

“oh i’m dead serious.” she nodded and slapped your ass.

“now walk, bitch.”

[kittyscupcakeandbunny]

Crazy over you x Min Yoongi

[HYBRID AU]

FINAL

18+

The last bite

Side Characters: Namjoon/doctor, Seokjin/doctor, Taehyung/Hybrid Tiger, Jungkook/Bunny Hybrid, Hoseok/assistant.

Warnings: Smut, mentions of blood, sharp objects, rut, beast behavior.

Genre: Fantasy, hybrids au, smut.

SUMMARY》 Yoongi is a black mamba hybrid one of rarest species of hybrids, who’s about to be put down due to his lack of interest in living. But everything changes after the new medical assistance (y/n) takes a liking to him. Meeting after meeting he realise his feelings for her are not the only thing growing.

Authors Note: okay that’s a lot to unpack here!! First of all, I’m sorry for any grammatical errors, second I hope you guys like the last bite of this story, truly I cannot thank you guys enough for waiting and being here with me in this journey!! Let me know what you all think in the comments and see you guys!! 💖

🩸My master list 🩸

< Previously

……………………………………………………………………………….

Everything felt so unreal ever since we left the clinic. I had went through all the documents already, Jin and me signed all the forms for Yoongis adoption and we had already meet before taking our leave.

I couldn’t believe it even tho me and Jin were heading to my new apartment, taking the snake hybrid to my home where he would live for the rest of his life from now on. With Jin being his brother he wanted to be in charge of the entire process - and he wanted to see Yoongi finally free and in a comfortable home. I was glad Jin was there the whole time, i felt like i could lean on him if i felt nervous and i was only able to carry on with this process because of him.

We exchanged many smiles on the way, both of us shared the same fellings of excitement right now. Yoongi was in a different car behind us to accommodate him better, the white van was spacious and was safer for him to be transported to his destination.

It has been two weeks since i finished setting my knew apartment and making new adjustments to ensure it would be a comfortable environment for a hybrid Snake to live in, things i never once considered for myself i was now buying for him. I felt so nervous about the whole situation i made the decision to get a new place entirely for him, i feared my old small apartment would feel like a cage for him and immediately stared looking for a new place for us. This time he would have his own room, the apartment was simple but spacious i made very clear that a bigger place was a must when I meet with the agent.

I took some time off my work so I could be there for the first few weeks with Yoongi and help him adapt, I knew that with drastic changes he would be at his most sensitive moment for him and I was glad to have Jin by my side. He was so polite with everything, I couldn’t ask for a better friend and on top of that Yoongi was his brother. I could trust him and so could Yoongi.

When we had started the adopting process, Jin finally decided to talk things out with Yoongi and come clean about being his brother. It was a lot to unpack for Yoongi and unfortunately he didn’t liked the facts that much but, they’ve been trying. It wasn’t going to be an easy or quick thing to fix, I can’t blame Yoongi too. He has been living his whole life alone without family and now Jin appears to be his brother, both males were mature enough to know better then push a relationship they never had.

So far I knew they’ve been doing their best at being friends with each other, but they still need time.

When the car stopped in front of the building, my heart was almost coming out of my chest I felt an immense pressure the entire drive but even now it was like I was about to burst in all directions.

I shared one look with Jin before the both of us got out of the car, the van parked right behind his. I made my way around it towards the back as the staff opened the back doors to get Yoongi out.

For safety reasons he had to be on his collar but other than that he was completely free.

The weather today was nice, I felt great knowing it.

I watched as Yoongi came out of the car on his own, eyes wide open watching every little thing around him in complete awe, the sun shined over him making his scales noticeably lighter. I reached my hand out for him, his eyes immediately turning to mine as he walked towards me.

I geve him a small nervous smile, he looked me up and down before closing his hand around mine. This was the first time we were seeing each other outside the clinic, the first time he saw me as just me. Not his doctor.

I couldn’t decipher what was going on in his mind in that moment, he had a neutral expression. But he kept looking at every corner of my face, maybe wondering if this was truly real. That he was here.

Jin walked right behind with us as we entered the building, no one said anything but the silence was comforting in a way.

As the elevator begin to go up Yoongi stood closer to me, hand sneaking around my waist making me turn to him to give him a smile. This time he shyly smiled back, looking down at our hands still intertwined. I have been thinking about how our lives would be from now, what we would do together and how it would feel to be so close to him everyday. At first i was nervous, it is something the two of us never experienced before and i kept thinking: this is much different then being with him as his doctor. That thought made me nervous, but now, as we stand so close to each other i don’t feel nervous anymore. I don’t have to be someone else with him and i can just be myself. Not long after the doors opened and we all left at the same time, a few feet away in that long corridor was my new apartment, I was excited for everything that would come after we cross that door.

Yoongi must’ve notice, because I felt his hold in my hand slightly tightened. Immediately feeling his presence putting my nervousness at ease as I looked up into his eyes, his thumb caressing over the back of my hand the whole time.

The door had a smart digital lock, it was fancy and i wasn’t used with that knowing how forgetful I could be at times I made sure to have the pass code writing inside my wallet and after pressing the password in it feeling the snake hybrid eyes fallowing my every move, the door opened.

I let both Jin and Yoongi get in first standing behind to close the door, while i put my things on the small table beside the shoe rack stealing glances at the two. I watch as the brothers look around the entrance room.

The living room was the biggest part of the apartment and as soon as I entered i’m welcomed by simple but modern atmosphere of the living room, the apartment had a glass wall and we could see the entire city from the living room. I catch Jin looking around amazed as Yoongi looks around the white couch running his hands over the fabric.

- this view is incredible - Jin said, turning to face me.

- please, Jin we both know your house is much bigger than mine - i said, walking up to him.

- yeah…. But i don’t have this view. Is almost like a 3D movie screen.

- I know right, I fell in love with it and I knew I had to get it - I tell him - at night is even more beautiful.

- I can imagine… - he says - you gotta invite me sometime for dinner sometime.

- oh yeah… besides Yoongi could use a friend- I said, pointing out were the hybrid has been this whole time.

My eyes instantly turning back to Yoongi, he seemed to be lost in thought looking around the room and touching everything. Anything i learned about snake hybrids is their sensitivity towards certain fabrics, their dopamine levels rise up around comfortable fabrics. Yoongi looked the happiest naked in a nest of velvet covers at the clinic, i still remember the day i wore a pencil black skirt with said fabric and he couldn’t stop touching it. With his words: it scratched a part of his brain he never knew. It was like giving catnip to a cat for the first time, for that reason i had to pick all the house furnitures very carefully. I can’t have a overstimulated snake hybrid walking around the apartment.

- what do you think? - I ask him, walking towards him - I change some things around for you and I also did some research for your room.

He didn’t answer at first, eyes shined brighter taking in every part of the room before focusing on me. He still wore the clinic uniform and it was hard to believe he was mine like that, i was eager to see him in the clothes I bought for him. I wanted for him to experience all of the world, things he was never able to before.

He was still probably processing everything that was going on in that moment, i knew for a fact that it would take some time for him to adapt fully to this new environment. He has a lot to learn.

- this all is just for us? - he softly asked, as if not believing - just us?

- yes, just you and me - I assured him, taking his hand in mine running my thumb over his knuckles - is our home.

He smiled, looking down to hide the soft shade of pink on his checks. Not being able to hold much longer I close my arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug which he immediately fell into. Holding into me just as tight and almost tripping us over.

A sight of relief left my lips, he was finally free and he trusted me enough to be here with me. One thing about our clinic adoption process is mutuality, it has so many layers but the most important one is how both the hybrid and potential owners feel about each other. Once you apply for adoption, two meetings are required. One with the director and doctors of the hybrid and one with the hybrid, that way both parts get to know each other better. Not every clinic works this way, but now that Jin was fully in control of the clinic he made sure all the procedures regarding the hybrid’s adoption were done correctly and with much care.

Letting go of Yoongi slowly I pull him by the hand to the other side of the room, towards the kitchen.

- let’s continue the tour.. - I said, as the two fallow me.

I show him and Jin around the house properly, starting with the kitchen on the right side of the apartment, the dining table was what separated the living room from it, highlighted by the chandelier above the round dining table.

The laundry room was close to the kitchen, everything here was simple and neat. I didn’t try to get any extravagant items or forniture it hasn’t been long since I moved here anyway, and i wasn’t really a fan of colorful and expensive things. The apartment was minimalist but comfortable, although the apartment did came with a billiard table from the last owner.

On the left side of the apartment was where our rooms were in a small corridor after the space where the billiard table had been placed, in a place like this usually people would put a piano there but i was sure the last owner was a men. Who would leave a billiard table behind and put it in there?

- don’t tell me you got that? - Jin asked pointing out the said table, a tone of mischief on his voice as he stared at me with a grin.

- it came with the apartment… those things are expensive and as much as I’m the best when it comes to this game, I wouldn’t buy a pool table Jinnie - i said, the three of us stopped in front of the table.

- yeah, you wouldn’t…. But now you definitely need to envite me for dinner - he said, walking around the table.

- said the guy that literally has his own play ground at home - i tease.

- but i dont have you to lose to me there - he teased back.

- don’t go there… you know i never lose - i said.

We would continue on arguing jokingly, but i felt Yoongi pulling on my hand turning me fully towards him.

- what’s this game thing? - he asked, almost innocently but i saw how he would look behind me at Jin earning a chuckle from him.

They are brothers. And i was here thinking - more like hoping, praying for the gods - that his jealousy would disappear once he finds that out, but now both males keep getting on my nerves with that. Jin knows how possessive Yoongi gets and he teases his brother in every chance he gets, using that against him and then Yoongi does the same thing and so on i have to stand between the two as they carry on arguing about who’s the best and the list goes on. To think they both are adults.

- is a fun game… i’ll teach you when we are alone - i tell him, which earned me a smirk from the hybrid. I feared the game was his least priority once we’re alone.

With that i carry on the little tour on the last rooms of the house, first showing Yoongis room which was in front of mine. I made sure to get him a spacious bed with his favorite covers, the silk and velvet were a dream to sleep on he wasn’t wrong about that. So much i got those for my room as well.

- this is your room - I tell him, opening the door for him to enter - I made sure to make is as comfortable as possible but if there is anything you would like to add or change you can just tell me.

He stood in front of the king size bed, eyes roaming around every corner of the room attentively. I didn’t add much decoration for his room, not knowing what he would like i thought it would be better if he choose what he wants.

I watched him carefully wanting to catch all of his expressions, sharing a look with Jin who seemed to be just as excited as i was in that moment i could swear i saw tears under his eyes.

And i understand him, he was watching as his brother finally got a home of his own. Despite everything he got his brother the freedom he always deserved.

- I like it… - Yoongi said sitting over the bed.

I exchanged a smile with Jin, chuckling as the he turned to wipe the tears off his face and so on I continued with the last part of the tour.

[…]

…. 3 days later ….

I had made the decision to take a few weeks off from work to focus fully on accommodating Yoongi at home, it was something new for the both of us and I was so nervous at the beginning i didn’t get any sleep the first night but now that three days have gone by I felt like my nervousness was all for nothing.

Yoongi was adapting so well it was almost as if he had lived here his whole life, he learned so fast and without even asking for help. It was like watching a drama unfold right in front of me, I was there insisting on helping him at every second but all it took was one glance and he managed everything by himself, I thought the first days with him being in the same space as me would be the hardest ones but it was truly so peaceful. I was worried over nothing when it came to Yoongi, three days out of the clinic and he already learned how to cook.

Three days again before Jin left ha and i had made the decision to stop giving Yoongi suppressants, now that he’s in a safer space having his own space helps ease the situation for his heat. It would take some time for it to come back so i would have enough time to prepare myself for it, the two of us haven’t really talked about it yet. None of us mentioned what happened at the clinic and i was too nervous to say anything now, busying myself with his adaptation here trying to get away with it. We needed to talk about that, i knew that, but things weren’t as easy. We were so different from each other deep down i was just afraid I wouldn’t be able to give him what needed.

Before anything three days ago Jin and I had a talk with Yoongi about all his protocols from now, he agreed on the stop of the suppressants and for the future exams and check ups it would only be needed to take twice a year every six months, to ensure his health is good.

Everything aside, I couldn’t lie even if I wanted to.

For the first time in my life I was waking up in the morning every day for more then just doing my duties, I had reason to wake up with a smile on my face every morning knowing I would see him there.

The past days Yoongi created a routine of his own, he would usually wake up before me and make us coffee. Stand behind the kitchen counter while he stared at the window wall as the sunlight shined through, making the entire room look like a golden dream.

Every morning my heart was filled with so much happiness, just the sight of him made any worries disappear completely and today it wasn’t any different.

I made my way to the kitchen while closing my sleeping robe, fallowing the sweet scent of hot coffee.

- morning… - I said, gaining his attention as i entered the kitchen.

I walked around the counter where he stood, eyes locked on his as he put the mug down closing his arms around my body in a tight hug. The smell of coffee filled the entire apartment deliciously.

- morning… - he mumbled raspy over my ear, moving just enough to plant a kiss over my lips. Quick and soft.

- how did you sleep last night? - I ask him.

I watched as his features immediately changed into a bitter one as soon as the words left my lips, I knew exactly what was coming after that but the way he scrunched his nose was so cute I couldn’t hold back the giggle that escaped my lips, which I immediately tried to hide the moment he tried to move away from me. Immediately holding his waist tighter pushing him against the counter.

- awfully…. So terribly uncomfortable I nearly had any sleep and is all your fault - he said, hands falling over mines.

- I know, I know… - i blinked cutely, fallowing his face at every turn he made to avoid my gaze.

- no, im not taking it anymore… - he said, a pout forming on his lips and I had bit my own lip to hold back another mischievous giggle.

He’s been acting so cute lately it was making so hard for me to resist, it was like the old grumpy snake hybrid I once knew was gone and was replaced by a cute pouty snake hybrid.

- i’m so sorry my pookie… - i watched as his ears immediately turned red over the nickname i gave him, even the slightest and most innocent nickname was enough to make him turn red and hide his face shyly. I was at the point of bursting watching him.

- no… i’m not your… whatever that is you said - he turned away to the side, his scales shined like golden petals over the sunrise coming through the window.

- all of this because I didn’t let you sleep with me? I thought you liked your own room.

- I do… but I thought that now that we are both alone here, you wouldn’t be away from me - he turned back, staring down at my eyes.

- we’ve been through this already…

The truth is that ever since we’ve been here, we only went as far as a few kisses on the couch while we cuddled. Our nights just as our morning were spent completely stick together on the couch, the tv would play some aleatory movie the we never payed much attention to honestly.

He would usually fall asleep over me while I run my fingers through his hair not so long after i would fall asleep, until one of us wakes up hungry and the kitchen becomes a playground for the curious snake hybrid.

- I just want you to have some space to figure things out, especially now that you’re clean from suppressants it could be a bit overwhelming and I don’t want you to have a hard time - I tell him, running my hands over his waist down his hips.

- you care too much for me - he says, finally giving in and smiling softly.

- always - I said, leaning towards his chest to plant a quick kiss the the exposed skin.

- don’t think you’re free from this discussion… - he said, voice sounding much lower this time.

I looked up at his eyes our faces bearly centimeters away, noses brushing softly against each other.

- what discussion? - I pushed innocently, making him scoff over my lips.

- you’re gonna make me lose scales, y/n.

I felt his smile grow the moment i closed the distance between our lips, warmth rising up all over my body the second his hands traveled over my back up and down, softly scratching over the fabric of my robe.

Until the growling of my stomach interrupted us.

- what are hiding in there? - He teased poking my belly and my cheeks burned shyly like wild fire.

- funny… - I dry laughed makings the snake chuckle even more.

- well let’s give it some food before you eat me for breakfast - he teased.

I hit his shoulder playfully and we begin with our morning routine, making some breakfast for the both of us while he seats there watching me.

… 6pm …

We’ve been entangled on the couch the past two hours, binge watching a new drama. Earlier Yoongi decided to spent almost two hours in the bathtub, he used three bottles of bubble bath and made a mess all over his bathroom saying it was my fault for not letting him shower with me. But in the end he cleaned up his mess so i wasn’t mad about it anymore, craving popcorn i was ready to make some butter popcorn when Yoongi said he would made them for me and I shouldn’t have left him alone in the kitchen to pick a movie. He managed to burn it and almost set the fire alarm of the apartment, i was speechless. But i just couldn’t get angry at him, he looked so devastated after burning the popcorn he had the biggest pout on his lips.

I took the charge of making the popcorn again and told him to wait in the living room but he stayed and said he would watch me so he could learn, I thought nothing of it and just continue my business to focus to notice the snake hybrid sliding closer the moment i turned to place the now done popcorn into a bowl.

A gasp leaving my lips in instant surprise the moment the snake holds me from behind, i giggle feeling he sink his face a the curve of my neck. He’s been doing that a lot lately finding amusement on catching me off guard just to tease on my weak spot, i held on his arms turning my face toward his kissing the tip of his nose. He smiled holding me tighter.

Yoongi has been gaining some weight since he left the clinic and i was trying to keep my composure at how fast he was getting stronger, he wasn’t the small snake hybrid left to die at the clinic anymore. Yoongi was growing muscles and eating better then he was before, he looked much healthier now and i was happy for him.

I leaned against his chest, feeling the woody scent surrounding us. After three bottles of bubble bath he at least gonna smell nice for days now. I chuckled at the thought turning to face him, never letting his touch slide off my body he smirked at me.

- is this… - i leaned closer to his face, smelling alcohol on his lips - is this whiskey?

- is that what it is? - he asked, innocently.

In that moment i was hit by a wave of shock, i was completely at loss for words, looking closer at him i realized he was fully drunk. Cheeks red and eyes bearly open not to forget the smell of whiskey on his breath. Just when did he drink so much? I turned my back for three seconds?

I wanted to curse myself for being such an alcoholic in that moment, maybe i should’ve hidden my supply of alcohol in my room and not right beside the pool table. What was i even thinking? Yoongi is free now and just like a kid, of course he’s gonna take a taste of everything new to him.

- how much did you drink? - i asked, worried. This was the first time I heard of a hybrid drinking alcohol, god knows what kind of side effects that could have on him.

- a cup? I dont really know - he mumble.

- a cup? Shit… how did you drink that? - i was so utterly worried.

- with my mouth? - he said, sarcasm dripping down his lips like the whiskey in his breath.

- no way Sherlock…. - i held my temples leaning away from him. Just what am i gonna do with a drunken snake hybrid now?

- why? Was i suppose to drink from yours….? - he chuckled drunkenly, making me look up at him with red cheeks.

This kind of side effects is what i was trying to avoid.

- you… - i didn’t even knew what to say, he just stood there laughing as if this was the funniest thing to him.

And for that small moment i laughed with him, i don’t think ive ever seen him this happy. Gummies out at how big he was smiling, chest moving up and down faster he could bearly hold himself up while laughing. Jin is gonna love this.

- okay dunk boy, eat - i shove some popcorn on his mouth - i need you less drunk now.

He nodded while eating. I took the bowl of popcorn with me in one hand and the snake hybrid with the other to the living room, the movie was playing on the TV but failed to catch my attention. As i put the popcorn on the coffee table i made a small run for the bar beside the pool table, looking over the bottles i found one still opened and in that moment i wanted to kill Yoongi - he drunk half a bottle of jack.

- you drunk half a bottle! - i gasped, turning to him.

He sat on the couch legs crossed with my bowl of popcorn watching me as if i was the crazy one.

- you have so many…. - he mumbled, throwing one popcorn on his mouth - also i wasn’t gonna drink much… but it was so weak, i had few more gulps.

Weak.

Half a bottle of jack was weak for him.

- this movie sucks… - he said, getting up.

- what?

My mind was failing to comprehend anything that was happening right now. Maybe i should call Jin.

- I’m calling your brother… - i said, making a turn to go on my room get my phone.

Before i could take even a single step towards my room i was pulled by the hand and turned towards the snake hybrid, he had a drunken smile on his lips while he looked down at me. Mischief shined through his dark eyes like never before - note to self: hide all the alcohol under my bed.

- lets play instead… - he suggested looking over the billiard table - if you win against me, you call Jin.

I scoffed.

- and supposedly if i don’t? - i said, closing my arms over my chest.

- i get to decide that later…. - he said.

- careful Yoongi…. - i warned - you learned this only yesterday.

- but i learned from you - he teased back.

- and i never lose…. - i said taking one cue stick, smothing the tip with the chalk.

This was going to be quick.

- who starts? - i asked, watching Yoongi fallow my moves getting a cue stick and smothing the tip with chalk.

- you start… pookie - he said.

I chuckled at the nickname. This snake hybrid has no idea was coming.

I position myself over the table aiming at the white ball, striking it quick at the color balls i put two whites on the wholes. A confident smirk rising up to my lips.

- sorry… looks like I’m wining already - i tease, walking around the table eyes looking straight into his.

If he was nervous or not i didn’t know he seemed to be focused on me only, but I couldn’t blame him. I was gonna win this in no time.

I position myself once again aiming for a ball closer to a corner whole and in the corner of my eye i notice Yoongi moving to the other side, now focusing back at my aim the cue stick slides between my fingers and just as I’m about to strike Yoongi corners me from behind hands over my hips making me lose completely my chance.

I scoffed turning to look at the sly snake behind me.

- ops… you missed that one - he smirked, pointing at my missed move.

- i wonder why?

- maybe you’re not that good after all…. - he mumbles, walking around the table to strike his move.

I wasn’t expecting him to get it on the first try and that was my mistake, he did learned from me after all.

He gets four balls in without missing after that, I swallowed hard feeling my pride hurt bit by bit. He just learned that how is he doing it as if he was born in a billiard table, i couldn’t believe it..

When he strikes another one I’m already moving towards the mini bar besides the tale, filling myself a cup and drinking all in one gulp. When I turn back Yoongi is watching me with a cunning smirk.

This sly snake was getting on my nerves - i never lose.

- is hot out of a sudden, don’t you think? - i say, playful. He stared the game going dirty and so will i.

Opening the bottoms of my blouse one by one I quickly take it off, keeping on the white crop top i wore to sleep. Putting my hair to the side to expose more of my shoulders.

- aren’t you gonna play? - i press, smiling innocently.

There was another minute he didn’t move, eyes staring me up and down while he licked over his bottom lip. He cleared his throat before positioning himself to strike, but just as i expected he missed.

- ops… - it was my turn to tease, positioning myself right beside him in strike my move.

Once i get my hands on to strike i never miss a single ball, i grew up playing this no one can beat me at my game. Right now i was almost finish, glancing up at Yoongi every now and then i notice he was starting to grow nervous. I wasn’t gonna call Jin anymore, after the first cup i drank another and another cup. I wasn’t weak for drinks, but i was having so much fun with Yoongi now i had long forgotten why i was even going to call Jin.

Two more balls in and i would win, so I position myself to strike the last colorful ball of mines.

- i could mate with you over this table…. - Yoongi mumbled more to himself but i heard exactly what he said.

It made me lose completely my chance to strike.

- maybe i should do that when i win this game - he looked up at me, smirk dancing in the corners of his lip placing the cue stick over the table.

He walked around the table towards me, like i was his prey in that moment and he was ready to take me as his victim. Yoongis words were like his poison, infiltrating my mind with thoughts I wouldn’t ever consider myself.

Like him bending me over this billiard table right now and doing everything he wants. Maybe I should let him win this time.

Once he was right there in front of me, he took the cue stick of my hand and placed over the table. Pushing me against the table with his body he rested his forehead over mine, hands falling over my hips he drew small circles with his thumbs.

- you win… - he whispered - but don’t call my brother, i feel like throwing up.

- that’s not because of Jin - i chuckled - you drank too much, come on… lets get you some meds pookie.

I caressed his face softly before taking his hand in mine to guide him back to the kitchen, my guess was that hybrids were much weaker for alcohol and it affected them much faster then for us humans. So i was quick to him some medicine before taking him with me to the couch and let him rest some more till he sober up.

It didn’t took him much longer before he was back at being his usual cute self and i finally found a movie to pass time, the popcorn was cold now but i still ate half of it.

The bowl of popcorn half empty sat on the small table in front of the couch, Yoongi was half asleep between my legs while I run my fingers thought his hair caressing the back of his neck every now and then.

I had a mind full of thoughts about today, i was sure that his het would start soon and after tonight that thought was rotted inside my head. Maybe the mention of mating tonight set that alarm in my head and I remember all what i was preparing myself for.

- you should tell me when you feel your heat coming - I tell him, quietly.

- what if I don’t? - he teased, lifting his head from my belly watching me attentively with a tired smirk over his pink lips.

- I’ll just found out on my own then - i shrugged.

- like you did before? - he chuckled.

- hey!

- for someone who knows so much about us it took you so long to find out i was in heat - he said.

- only because you were the first snake hybrid on my care - I explained - and you lied to me about it, remember?

- yeah… but I didn’t lied about yours - he says, eyes suddenly turning darker.

- well, I’m not… I mean, now… - I stumbled on my words, it felt so weird trying to explain him how different it happens for humans especially since is different from woman to men.

- I know, I can smell on your skin… - he said, making the curiosity go wild on my head.

- how? What does it smell like? - I ask - I truly can’t tell.

- humm… - he purrs lowly, supporting his hands at both sides of my head to pull himself up.

He leans down burring his face on my neck, taking a deep breath in.

- when your in heat, you smell like… lust - he whispers - and when you’re not, you smell like…

He moves away slowly, looking into my eyes eyebrows furred in concentration as if looking for the right words, lips half open over mine, the more seconds that went by the more he seemed to get lost in a maze.

- warmth… - he whispered - it makes me want to be completely stuck around your arms and never leave.

[…]

… 2 days later …

I could tell his heat was getting closer to a start after the two days that went by. Yoongi became insanely clingy the last couple days and It wouldn’t be a problem of course, but the snake hybrid simply decided to steal the keys of the apartment just so i wouldn’t leave and so far I wasn’t even able to step one foot out in the past days.

I searched the entire apartment already and I couldn’t find the damn keys, if only his behavior had stuck with the clingy part but he also became annoyingly a tease. In every sense.

His heat had already started and he could’ve taken me as his so many times, but i wasn’t ready and i kept pushing him away and not letting him sleep in my room. For that reason he’s been acting out on me ever since.

The mornings we used to share with innocent kisses and a light delicious breakfast, turned into make out sessions over the kitchen counter and nonstop teasing while i try to cook, our afternoons of binge watching dramas turned into marking and scenting sessions for him. But it was just the beginning, Yoongi could still control his rut pretty well and he used that against me every morning.

The first time he started to scent me was when everything went down hill and i knew it would only get harder for him to control it.

I trusted him to tell me when his heat begin to show so i could help him and I was confident it would take at least a few more days, that was my mistake. And again I didn’t notice the signs.

A few days ago when the weather had changed so drastically, it had been raining since late that morning. So the two of us decided to just cuddle on the couch for the rest of the day, i was usually the bigger spoon when we cuddle but the cold weather made me seek warmth on Yoongi. Not knowing what was going on with his sudden quietness i just brushed off as him being tired and held him tighter, every minute that passed I grew more sleepy from his soft caress on my back, hugging him and burning my face on the curve of his neck.

My body was just seconds before completely falling asleep when he moved, i groan against his chest in disagreement while he pulled me down with him between his legs.

He stared to softly place kisses over my cheek, down my jawline and brushing my hair away with his fingers to expose the skin of my neck. Kisses slowly fading into more needy touches while the second passes and I was complete unaware of it, until soft kisses turned into deep and wet ones.

I was fully alert and ready to lean away from him, my wrist was closed to his neck placed beside his head to support me up but he was quick to stop me as if predicting what I was going to do, he held my hand towards him to pull me back.

- just a little more…. - he murmured over my ear, voice soft but low and raspy as if he was drunk - I won’t do anything… just, stay a bit more like this….

He didn’t move until every part of my body fully gave in, he took his chance in that moment and bit into the curve of my neck. Not enough to sink his poison on me, just enough to leave a red mark on my skin for days.

After that he did let me go, but things were different now that his heat has stared. I wasn’t one to complain, i loved every minute i spent under his touch. He wanted to torture me for not letting him sleep beside me, but his ways of torturing consisted only on teasing me till I can’t take it and then leaving me all flustered.

It was late a night and i was getting ready to sleep already when i decided to questioned him about his heat. The door to his room was always open, i watched him from the corridor moving side to side before entering his room.

- are you okay with you heat? Do you think is gonna get bad any time soon?

- no… I can control it right now - he said, while picking a change of clothes to shower.

- okay… - I murmured looking around his room seeing as how neat everything looked - you didn’t make a nest?

He scoffed before turning around to fully look at me.

- i would… but someone doesn’t wanna let me sleep with her - he said, making my cheeks run hot.

Before I could even let another word leave my lips he was pulling his silky shirt off, making a mess of his hair and exposing all his torso to my eyes.

It was not something new to me but it always made me go insane how beautiful he looked, every time it felt like i was seeing him for the first time. His scales looked much healthier and shiny now, i notice how they seemed to have grown even more towards his v line. Shiny lines almost unnoticeable at how delicate they were on his milky skin, making he look like a diamond.

- wanna watch me undress? - he teased.

- is my house - I said back, eyes rooming every centimeter of his body shamelessly making him chuckle.

He walked towards me quickly closing the distance between us two, using his own body to push me against the wall.

Just like that all the air was gone from my lungs, the heat radiating from his body so intensely it felt like a warm blanket surrounded me. And again those dark glossy eyes were focus on mine like they used to at the clinic, making chills run wild down my spine.

Every part of my skin knew his touch so well and urged for him.

- I need my keys - I blurted nervously, finally remembering the reason why I came here.

- no… - he said.

- please Yoongi, I can’t be stuck here anymore… - I plead, finding the courage to look up into his intense eyes filled with darkness.

He didn’t say anything at first, the snake switched looks between my eyes and lips in that moment. Maybe calculating his options? Or just thinking about how he’ll tease me later for it.

- let me sleep with you from now on and I’ll tell you where they are - he said, a smirk filling his lips teasingly.

I took a deep breath before deciding on what to do, it had to happen sooner or later. I knew that. I just wished I could’ve prepared myself more for what was to come the moment i decided to let him in, the two of us kept saying it was all just for sleep but deep down it was obvious. The moment we are alone over that bed we wont be sleeping anymore.

- okay.

I needed the keys and in that moment I had no idea where that would even lead me, he said he had his heat under control and o trusted that. But far way in my mind something keeps telling me he was far away from any control.

- keys? - I asked, making his smile grow even more.

- my back pocket - he said, as if it wasn’t anything.

- no way… - i was not believing but he just shrugged at me still smirking - it was with you this whole time?

- put your hands inside it if you don’t believe me - he dared.

I swallowed hard blinking a hundred times - his back pocket, he meant his ass my keys were in his ass this whole time - before slowly moving my left hand towards his back pocket, face burning like a damn volcano about to explode. I couldn’t even look at his face in that moment, he knew exactly what he was doing.

I bit my bottom lip the second my hand slide down his ass, feeling the skin over the thin layer of his silky pants. Sucking in a breath as my eyes looked anywhere but the snake hybrid in front of me.

- oh… - i exale, looking straight back at him. It was empty.

He smirk grew wider, leaning even closer to me.

- wrong pocket.. - he whispered over my lips.

I swallowed hard again, looking down between us too nervous to stare into his dark glossy eyes but inhaling fast at the sight of his deep v line covered in scales so close to me.

No, i used to treat his wounds. I shouldn’t be nervous right now. This is nothing.

Body burning in nerves I reach for the other pocket with my right hand, feeling his minty breath brush against my face teasingly. Sliding my hand one more time down his ass, reaching inside his pocket.

He leaned closer making my attention go back to his face, this time he looked as nervous as I was. Eyes bearly open, bottom lip caged between his teeth.

The more my hand moved down his bum the harder he bit into the flash and just then I felt the cold metal of the keys and quickly grabbed them.

His expression changed fast after that, leaning away from me as quick as he could.

- we’ll sleep in your room… - he said, before turning away to leave for the bathroom.

[…]

After a long bath I went to check on Yoongi to see if he was still in his room but i didn’t find him there, going straight back to my own room while i tried to massage away the pain on my neck only to find the snake hybrid shirtless all spread over my bed.

- where your clothes? - I asked.

- don’t look at me like that…. - he said sitting up - everything felt itchy on my scales.

- oh…. Should I take a look at them for you? - I said making my way towards him, when my thumb pressed a painful spot on my neck i groan out in discomfort.

- no is fine… - he slides towards the end of the bed were I stood - what’s with your neck?

- I don’t know, i think I’ve slept in a bad position last night it’s hurting a lot now…. - I say - are you sure you’re fine? I can….

- I’m fine, come here - he interrupted me, pulling me by the hand making me straddle his waist.

- Yoongi….

- shh… - he smiled softly, pulling the hair away from my neck - let me take care of you, hum?

I blink nodding, watching his attention drift to my shoulder as he pulls the shirt slightly down to expose more of my neck. He begins to carefully press at the curve of my neck with his fingers, my body was immediately filled by relief as he worked his way around my neck and shoulder.

- I can feel some tension here… - he murmured pressing a bit harder at the curve, and my eyes rolled back in relief.

He chuckled lowly at my reaction, holding my hair away with his free hand to continue his work.

- if you had been sleeping with me you wouldn’t be sore like this… - he teased.

It was my turn to chuckle.

- lies… - I said, staring into his eyes.

He looked back with the same amount of dirtiness on his mind and I decided it was my turn to make him red.

- where’s my nest? - I asked, holding myself from bursting out laughing the second he catch what i said.

He looked extremely worried and embarrassed, almost chocking at his own words.

- oh my god…. - I laughed out, closing my arms around his neck - sorry pookie… I was just teasing.

I kissed his forehead.

- I’ll wait for you to make one for us… - I whispered to him.

- I thought you didn’t like them… - he confessed.

- what do you mean? I like it - I assure him, caressing the back of his neck. Resting my forehead on his.

In just seconds he had me pulled against him and turned us over the bed, hovering over me between my legs. A gasp had left my lips at the sudden movement, holding into him tighter until his eyes opened again staring down at mine in complete lust.

I didn’t expected him to act so quickly after asking for a nest jokingly, it was stupid of me.

He got up lazily eyes still glued in mine, I watch as he made his way towards the closet getting back with three more covers.

He was going to make a nest for me.

He dropped them at my feet before taking one at the time and laying them around me until he was satisfied with it, he had a focused expression on his soft features and then when he was finally done he looked me up before saying anything.

- I wanted this ever since I first saw you at the clinic… - he said, hovering over my body slowly - I want you for the rest of my life, y/n.

Staring into his glossy dark eyes once again, I’ve never felt more out of breath. Every moment with him had been so intense lately, as if all the cells in my body were anticipating this moment knowing what would happen, urging it to happen.

- bite me… - he whispered over my lips - like you did last time.

It was different than last time, at that time us being together was completely forbidden but now we are free, we have each other.

Pulling him closer I kissed his lips, not taking any more seconds. Groaning into his mouth every time his skin came in touch with mine, feeling shivers burning down my body never failing to drive me insane.

I was so high already and we had just stared, trailing my fingers down his back and earning a few groans from him. He bit into my bottom lip, leaning away just enough to stare into my eyes.

There was a different glow around him this time, something I haven’t seen before.

His chest moved against mine, hands sliding up and down my sides each time heavier and sometimes scratching over the layers of my clothes, teasing us both by dragging his own need to touch my skin.

The cold tip of his nose delicately moving against the side of my face, his hot breath slowly seeping through his lips over mine. The minty scent from his tongue danced over my lips deliciously but he didn’t do anything. He continued his soft tease, waiting for me to make his wish come true.

I slowly started to feel his back muscles, softly touching over the scales on his body. They felt so soft to touch just like the velvet we were surrounded by, each time I caressed them softly I would feel Yoongi swift over me slightly. His scales were one of his very sweet spots and he continued to squirm and sigh over me at every little touch, making me grow confident and needier.

He was starting to pant against my neck, groaning lowly making the need in me to tease and play him grow more and more. Remembering his little trick with my keys earlier, I let my hands travel down his spine and past his hips. The moment my hands slipped down his ass he squirmed harder, body falling completely over mine and a groan escaped his lips.

In that moment I bit into his shoulder, my teeth and tongue sliding over his skin sinking into his flesh harder just to licking over it. Carving a mark of my own on him.

- mine… - I whisper breathlessly over his ear.

- fuck… - he moaned over my neck, lifting himself enough to stare at my face.

He was biting his own lip, bruising himself enough to draw blood out of it. If it wasn’t now I would be worried for him but, he looked so handsome in such state of lust. I was completely lost in him, capturing his lips in a lustful kiss.

This time his hands had no mercy over my skin and i was completely sure I would find a few bruises here and there but I couldn’t care any less for it, I wanted them and I wanted him.

- mate with me… - he whispered over my lips completely out of breath - be mine y/n… I wanna do this with you, y/n.

I softly caressed his cheeks before nodding, he smiled before leaning down again leaving a long peck on my lips trailing down my jawline and towards my ear, bitting softly at my neck.

I knew what would come for me in that moment, it was a one way trip with no way back.

- make me yours… - I whispered in his ear.

Feeling the harsh bite over the skin under my ear, he sank his poison into it. The feeling was immediate, the first time the snake hybrid had bitten me was so painful and his poison was sickening but tonight it was completely different, I’ve never felt so high before like this before. Completely drunk on him so much even the smallest touch was enough to make me squirm and moan, just looking at him made me drool and needy.

He smirked knowingly traveling his kisses down my chest, hands sliding past my waist and stoping on my hips to grip into the flesh before sliding up inside my shirt.

Ripping off the fabric of my body with his hands, I breathed out lost in his arms. At the same time he was rough his touch was full of love on my skin, every part of me he gripped into he left a kiss over it.

He stares into my eyes with fondness, fingers running along my face pulling my up by the waist with his other hand, that way I’m sitting up with him on his knees between my legs.

I take the chance to run my fingers over his sides, feeling the scales under the tips of my fingers.

He cups my face kissing my lips hungrier, growling over my tongue. His raven hair is mess now, sweat drips down his neck and my fingers as I grip at his locks.

Bringing him closer I bite into his neck again, Yoongi gasp holding waist tighter and probably bruising the skin. But I couldn’t feel any pain, only the burning sensation all over my body driving my out of sense.

He stops the kiss, eyes locked over mine, seem to slightly go out of focus, a pool of stars all for me to stare into.

I push him down against the bed forcing him to lay down, slipping off my last piece of clothing before doing the same to his pants.

Crawling on all fours back to him, I watch as he stares at me in complete awe, Yoongi gulps down biting his on lip while he savor me with his eyes.

- you’re so fucking beautiful… - he murmurs. Eyes glued on me.

I chuckled at his reaction, running my fingers over his tights seeing how his dick twitches at the slightest touch before finally claiming his lips in a kiss.

He moans deeply pulling me closer.

- Mine… - he moans.

- all yours.

He pulls me by the thighs making me straddle his waist, feeling his hard dick press against my pussy deliciousy, sending us both into an overheated state.

I watch as Yoongi squeezes his eyes shut biting his lip as a groan escapes his chest, finger tips rubbing over my thighs leaving marks.

The burning sensation of the pain makes me move my hips against his instinctive, Yoongi’s eyelids flutter and his head tilt back as gasps make his chest heave up and down quickly. Another growl comes out of his chest and he moves his hips forward, the waves of pleasure seeping through my whole body making me shiver and lose control over my upper body, using my hands to keep me up against his chest, feeling how he breaths deep.

My eyes fluttered open to watch his lustful eyes in complete bliss, he squirms underneath me moaning out my name.

The sound of his voice sending shiver down my body, the feeling sends butterflies through my stomach. I let out a deep moan, grinding my hips into his. He growls, digging his nails into my thighs. Then sliding them upwards gripping my boobs, my own hands covering his for support as a continue to move against him.

Yoongi pulls me back against his chest, claiming my lips into a messy kiss. Stopping my hips from moving so he could slide inside me more easily, the feeling of his cock filling me up so good was making my head pound in arousal.

Yoongi moans loudly, trembling under my hands, lips searching for mine desperately, biting into the flesh of my shoulders sinking his poison into me while he moves his hips against mine, I pull the back of his hair biting my own lip in arousal moving my hips with his.

The pleasure is almost unbearable, so good every time I close my eyes I see stars, running my fingers through his raven hair holding him tight against me.

- breathe y/n…. - he whispers against my neck, sitting up in bed with me over him.

His hands grip my hips harder, his poison on my system was sending me into a frenzy of pleasure, each time, more.

- breathe… - he continued to whisper - just like that…

Not so long into that I feel my whole body shaking on top of him, knees starting to hurt from being like that for to long, but even the pain felt insanely good in that moment. Making me crawl into him more and more, he held me tighter before turning us around once again.

Hovering over my shaky body, Yoongi gripped into my hands as he pounded into me harder, throwing my head back while my knees are shaking in weakness, I moan out his name. Felling the dizziness claiming my body as he continued to pound at an animalistic force inside me.

- yoongi…. Fuck - I moan out, as he slides one hand between our bodies working his fingers over my clit.

- Y/n… fuck cum for me - he groans over my ear, circling over my clit with his fingers ripping a deep orgasm out of me.

- Yoongi…

But he doesn’t stop, even after he fills me so deep, I feel his cum dripping down my pussy. He doesn’t stop moving his fingers, claiming my lips into a messy kiss he trails down my neck, leaving marks down my chest, sucking on a nipple.

- Yoongi… too much - I moaned out breathlessly.

I couldn’t make a single thought in my head and I loved it, my legs were shaking from his fingers circling over my clit nonstop, body aches tiredly but it felt so insanely good.

Yoongi growls, forces you closer pulling my thigh with his free hand as he he worked his way down my body with his tongue, leaving wet kisses everywhere.

- fuck… - it escapes my lips once I figure out what he was planning.

How he wasn’t tired after almost fucking me into oblivion, I didn’t know, but I was so grateful.

Ending his trail over my pussy he leaves a long lick down to the bottom of it, making me instantly arch my back.

Yoongi forcibly pulls on my thighs against his shoulders, locking me completely down and starts his feast on my pussy.

- fuck, Yoongi… - I cry out name, fingers gripping his hair.

The feelings is so insanely good, I moan and mutter words uncontrollably, words that make no sense to me, but feel so good, screaming his name out loud, shit, the neighbors will definitely file a complaint against me.

The sounds he was making driving me to the absolute bottom of the hill, gripping into his hair, myself and digging my nails over my skin.

- too much… fuck - my knees were shaking again and he didn’t stop, holding me closer.

Yoongi is sucking on my clit so harshly I started to fear he might bruise it down there as well. Just when I thought I couldn’t take it my body started to convulse, the delicious sensation began again to fill me up and I’m cursing and squirting all over him.

Yoongi sits up with a groan, he touches his own face, picking up the remains of my orgasm of his face, licking his fingers as I watched him completely fucked out.

Chest rising up and down tiredly, he hovers over me, hooking his fingers behind my neck just to pull me closer resting his forehead over mine.

- fuck me… - he moaned out, making me look up at him.

- You’re crazy - I tell him breathlessly, we both chuckled.

- Please… - he plead, pulling me in to claim my lips in a desperate kiss.

Yoongi grips my waist pulling me to the side as he lays down on his, he whimpers against my lips in a sloppy kiss, hands gripping every inch of skin.

He tugs me closer to his aching cock, holding my hips firmly to move against him. The friction is insanely good.

- you smell so fucking good…. - he mumbles - please, y/n, fuck me…

He buries his face between my boobs planting kisses over them.

- fuck you’re insane, Yoongi - I moan, gripping his hair.

Yoongi whimpers pulling me tighter against him, holding my hips to make me rut against his cock. I pushed him down while fixing myself between his legs, hovering over his body a begin to plant kisses over his neck, leaving sloppy licks over his scales.

His chest started to move up and down rapidly, he purrs deeply when I wrap my hand around his cock, feeling how he throbs under my touch.

He squeezes my hips, sweet whimpers leave his lips and I watch with pleasant eyes the snake hybrid squirm in front of me as I start jerking him off quickly, making he growl my name before returning to the slow peace of before.

He whines, throwing his head back.

- is this good my Yoongi? - I tease, watching he squirms as a reaction.

- So good… oh, so good y/n - he groans, barely keeping his eyes open - please, fuck..

- What is it baby? What do you want? - I taunt moving my hand terribly slow over his cock.

- Wanna… fuck, wanna cum… - he moans, trembling when I start jerking him off quickly.

His pretty cock spits pre cum, the sounds of my hand moving around his throbbing head driving us both insane, the moment he started squirming I knew he was getting closer.

- yes, yes… y/n you’re so good - he moans, hands gripping the covers.

- Cum baby, make a mess for me.

He starts to moan my name repeatedly, bitting his own lip until his legs are shaking, cock throbbing under my fingers while leaking his cum all over himself.

I run my hand over his belly covered on his milk, spreading it on his abs before moving closer, pressing my lips against the curve of his neck.

- such a good boy… my Yoongi - I praise, leaving kisses alone his jawline.

- - that was so good… - he mumbles, closing his arms around my body in a hug.

- Humm… you are insane - I said against his chest, running my fingers over his shoulder.

- I’m yours - he state, making me look up into his eyes.

- I’m yours too - I whisper over his lips, softly claiming his between mine.

He pulled me over his chest and we cuddled together, finally letting the tiredness begin to kick and let us get some sleep.

And tomorrow I would wake up happy, knowing it would be in his arms. Forever.

Taglist: @yoongiwantsme @effielumiere @danielle143 @dragons-flare e @awanderingangel @blue-and-grey-army @crystallizedtime @fairywriter-oracle @rosquilleta @m4gg13-g @unadulteratedlyunique e @kpopmultistantrashsstuff f @anaspectoflife @younhakim29 @yoongislatinagff @kimsonlyluv @slut-4-yourmom @illnevertrustmyselfagain @bangchanbabygirlx @itsskyvoltage @welcometomyworld13 @momnomnom @honsoolgloss @kimtaehussy @amariemoore @starrlo0ver r @whipwhoops s @glosstwn @i-have-no-life-charlie @kooslilhoe e @catlove83 @tarahardcore e @liveyun @4ukiyo4 @sukonsukuna a @passionandsuga @missroro @btspurplesky @watermelon2319 @mukeovernetflix @lopprhe e @acquiescence804 @locket-hrt @myspi2010 @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @armydgirl l l @jaxyy219 @viankiss @shycreationdreamland @the-reas0n-is-y0u @nothingsreal420 @sckalykoko @lucis-noctiana

[gothamhappiness]

Being in a relationship with Bruce Wayne: a journey - Reader's origin story

When I started this new Batman obsession, I soooo needed to get this out of my system, so I wrote and wrote and wrote. I figured I could share this with you.

I start with reader's origin story because some stuff will be hinted througout the series (10 parts so far) and because it explains some of her reactions.

Just so you know, it's afab!reader, but there is absolutely NO description of her, and nothing in her backstory says she is white. But as a white girl myself, if I missed something, PLEASE LET ME KNOW and send me a DM. I really want you all to enjoy some Bruce Wayne x reader, no matter who you are or what you look like!!

That being said, enjoy <3

Warnings: no proof reading, awful childhood with toxic parents, mentions of death and violence, reader has a negative image of Batman

You were coming from the poorest neighbourhood of Gotham. The most dangerous one as well: the Narrows.

You had been lucky to climb the social ladder thanks to your grandma who loved you more than anything and absolutely wanted you to study abroad. She wanted better for you. She wanted you to meet your true potential. She always said that if she - as well as your mother - had been a little more educated, they would have been women of power. And more importantly, they would have been women of freedom. By now, it was too late for her and for her daughter, but it was not too late for you. She decided to sacrifice everything she had to give you what the women of the family never had before.

By allowing you to get an education, she also saved you from a very dark family. She saved you from your father, who used to be a gangster closely working with Don Falcone and to be friends with Victor Zsasz. Your father ended in jail before dying there. 

It was what people said at least. 

Your mother didn’t know if he had been killed there or if he killed himself. Either way, she was relieved this monster was now gone from her existence. But you knew the truth: you were 16 when this happened, and you had known your father very well. You had followed him for all those years, like his shadow. He used you as a right hand because you were his favourite kid. It meant you knew Don Falcone personally. So when your father “died”, you knew better than to believe it. You went to the Roman, and you asked him to open the coffin after the funeral, just to make sure if all of this was true or not. You weren’t too surprised when you found rocks instead of a body. Don Falcone offered to work for him because you had potential indeed.

But you declined when your grandmother insisted for you to get an education. You had been at a crossroad: you could have started the life of a gangster or you could have been something else. Still now, you wondered what gave you the strength to be something else.

About your father, you never heard about him so far, and you were grateful about it. You had realised as you grew up that he was using you because you were a smart and silent kid. You knew how to behave with dangerous people: you never let anyone or anything intimidate you. When you weren’t with your father, you were reading books, so you quickly learnt to have a way with words and to read people as well. 

You guessed it was still useful now, and you hated it that it was all thanks to your father. At least, your grandma offered you another life, and you would forever be grateful for that. You couldn’t blame your own mother who never loved you - you looked way too much like your father. She was a mess who ran away when your father disappeared, so you really only had your grandma left to take care of you.

You went aboard. You went to England and you studied. You studied hard to the point of becoming a top student in college and then in university.

You understood what it was to be free indeed. You enjoyed your life away from Gotham, and you weren’t too sure if you would ever go back there.

However, after your graduation, your grandma’s health started to go down. Your mother didn’t want to go back to Gotham to take care of her, and your grandma didn’t want to leave Gotham because it had been her home her whole life. She also strongly believed that if people like Batman were fighting for the city, she couldn’t go away and seem ungrateful. You tried to convince her that Batman probably didn’t care, but she was stubborn.

At that time, Batman was so young and so fresh. People didn’t know if they should like him or not. You didn’t particularly like him. You weren’t too sure to understand why he was doing what he was doing. Most importantly, you felt like he was taking care of the big villains and letting most of the population of Gotham alone. The man clearly didn’t come from the Narrows and he couldn’t understand that if more than half of the neighbourhood population was working for the big villains as goons was because they didn’t have any other choice. You heard about his “gadgets” and you thought that all this money could have bought a school in the Narrows. Or a hospital. Or anything else useful.

Sometimes, you felt like you were being a little bit harsh on the Bat; at least someone fought against Don Falcone. You knew what the Roman was capable of, and yeah, maybe Batman was better than you wanted to admit it.

You ended up coming back to Gotham so you could take care of your grandma. She loved you even more for that, even if she didn’t want you to ruin your career for her. You easily found a job and slowly but surely went higher in society. You were good with words. You were good at getting people to do what you wanted, and more importantly, you were good at getting people to tell you their darkest secrets. You were doing well. You were happy to be back in Gotham, actually. It was your home too.

Years went by, and new vigilantes arrived, disappeared, and came back. Only Batman was always there. You still weren’t a big fan of him, even if you could admit he was clearly doing his best for the city. You preferred the new guy in town, though: Red Hood. He was taking care of things, and he also had the reputation to protect the kids and the civilians.

Your grandma was very excited when she learnt you were both living in his “territory”. You actually met him one night. He seemed to be looking around. When he spotted you, he walked to you.

“Hello, ma'am. Is everything alright? Do you need someone to get you home safely? This isn’t a very safe place right now. An asshole hid bombs everywhere around here.” he had told you, and you were a little bit surprised after everything you heard about him.

He was known to be a Crime Lord and to be some sort of enemy to Batman, but not really one either.

“I have lived here since forever. I’m all good, thank you” you replied with a smile “Thank you for being around” you said

“Oh well, you really shouldn’t thank me.” he hummed, clearly taken aback. 

He wasn’t used to people thanking him for anything

“On the contrary, finally, someone is doing something. Not like Batman. Hope you’ll stick around” you added

“Ok, let me bring you to your building, at least.” Red Hood insisted, and you agreed. 

You didn’t know why, but you felt you could trust him.

You weren’t an investigative journalist at that time, but later, you would write in favour of Red Hood… and quite in disfavour of Wayne Enterprises and his CEO.

When your grandma died, you took care of her funeral and of her flat, on your own. You gave the key back to find your own place. It was smaller, but at least you weren’t in the Narrows anymore. You stayed close to Red Hood’s territory, though. You never thought about leaving Gotham again, even if the Daily Planet offered you a job in Metropolis. You needed to stay in Gotham. She was your home, and you wanted to fight for her.

Another decade went by and even if you did good - everyone was reading your articles and knowing your name (without knowing your face) - you clearly had never thought you would go to one of those charity galas hosted by the popular Bruce Wayne.

You were currently writing for an independent and political newspaper of Gotham. Bruce Wayne was often criticised in it, which was one of the only media to do so. Bruce Wayne had offered someone to come over so they could see he had nothing to hide and that his charity galas had real purposes.

You had been chosen among the journalists because they knew you wouldn’t be naïve enough to believe everything the man would tell you.

You had no idea this gala would change your life.

And Bruce’s as well.

--

PART 1

--

Taglist for all my work <3

@blublock404

@wind-canoe

[orikiys]

✿ ✿ 〞voicemails with chan after an argument

✰ genre : angst, romance and fluff in between

✰ pairings : bf!chan x fem!reader

✰ word count : 0.8k+ words

CHAN | minho | changbin | hyunjin | han | felix | seungmin | jeongin

one 𖨂

hey, my beautiful girl. how are you? it’s not the same without you by my side. the house looks wrecked and so am i. i am so so sorry baby for snapping at you last night. i. . . didn’t mean it. i swear. it all happened because of me and my work, and i do accept that. just come back please? i know you’re at your friend’s house but i won’t force you. ever. i just hope we can talk this out thoroughly. please? i love you very much. always know that, yeah? and i’m only a call away if you need me. good night.

two 𖨂

so i didn’t receive an answer back. does that mean you’re going to stay there for a while? alright, i respect your decisions. i always do. you know that right? anyway, today sucked. i kind of twisted my ankle while practising and i tripped over a charger and hurt my chin. it sounds painful but it was even more painful when you don’t reply to my messages, or to my calls and even my voicemails. i fucked up and i know that very well. i may sound selfish but i want you with me. i need you when i wake up and when i sleep. i want to see your face when you smile at me. how long has it been since i last saw you? over 2 weeks i suppose? if you’re listening to my voicemails, let’s meet tomorrow at our usual spot. at 3 i’ll be there. i’ll wait for you even if it takes forever.

three 𖨂

you eventually did show up. to be honest, i was surprised. i didn’t expect you to show up. but i’m glad you did. but i’m not very glad that you almost didn’t speak any other words except for ‘i need time’ and ‘alright’. it was pretty sad. then i realised how bad i must’ve hurt you for you to act this way. and i’ll say sorry a million times if you want me to. i regret ever letting you walk away like that. if only i had tried harder in our relationship we wouldn’t be at this stage where we’re unaware whether we’re together or not. i regret not understanding you earlier and spending my days at the company, rather than with you. i even started taking time out to come home early, at 8. just like you wanted. i even began sleeping on time, but i can’t help myself to fall asleep that easily without thinking how lonely you used to feel when i wasn’t here to hold you or to even talk to you. i regret everything, baby. i really do. i hope you’re happy, not skipping your meals and sleeping for good hours.

four 𖨂

i noticed something fall out of your wardrobe, and even though i respect your privacy, i couldn’t help myself. it was a letter. a letter presumably you wanted to give me, but you couldn’t. and it would be a lie if said i didn’t sit on the floor crying as i read the letter over and over till i had it memorised. you always wanted to write me letters didn’t you? what more do you have up your sleeve? how long are you going to keep impressing me and making my heart flutter like that? you might think i’m being a little too extra today, but it’s true! you can’t just go away after making me fall that deep for you. it’s been three weeks now. how long am i going to be punished? just answer me once. please.

five 𖨂

when i tell you i almost fell off the couch, you won’t believe me. but i almost didn’t believe my eyes when i saw your voicemail. why would you ever be sorry baby? you have all the right to be angry at me. i deserve it. but don’t think you did anything wrong. you just did what you thought was right. and sometimes, it’s better that way you know? like if you wouldn’t have gone away i would just return to my schedule again. i wouldn’t have realised where i was wrong. so don’t blame yourself, okay? as i said before, i’ll wait.

six 𖨂

so this is gonna be the end of all the angsty voicemails as you just called me saying you’ll be coming home tonight. i’ll prepare a welcome dinner for you along with some kisses if you would like. and hugs too perhaps? i am just on my way to clean the house and myself too. since i didn’t shower today, so i’ll see you in about 8 hours. i’m very happy that you’re coming back babe. i love you so much. and i, thank you, for giving me a second chance. i’ll be waiting for you, my love.

[glamourscat]

OKUMURA BROTHERS ANALYSIS

I want to sympathise with Yukio, and in some ways, I do. He grew up in such an erratic way, forced to train at just seven years old and put under a level of stress no kid should ever face. Forced by his father figure to join the exorcists, explicitly for Rin’s sake, because Yukio had to “look out for him.” So, he starts training, becomes one of the youngest exorcists in the order, and develops this perfectionist mindset where mistakes simply can’t exist in his world.

The truth is, both Rin and Yukio were raised by a man who wasn’t even sure how to be a man himself. He had no clue what it really meant to live as a human being. He was raised as a machine by the order and whether he meant it or not, he ended up raising Yukio and Rin to be machines too, because that’s all he knew.

Then everything falls apart. Rin’s a mess, blaming himself for their father’s death and Yukio is emotionally and mentally burnt out after years of acting like a parent to Rin (who lets no forget got a completely different childhood than Yukio) and to himself.

So no, I don’t necessarily blame Yukio. As someone who’s been parentified myself, I get his anger and frustration. Feeling invisible while your sibling gets all the attention. Drowning in your own pain while everyone assumes you’re “strong enough” to handle it.

The difference comes when Rin, unlike Yukio, begins to confront his powers and accept them as part of who he is, Yukio doesn’t. He sees his powers as a flaw, proof of everything he hates about himself. He doesn’t understand them and doesn’t want to.

To Yukio, control equals survival. And his “powers” are nothing but a miscalculation in his perfect equation. Rin is a bursting flame (pun intended) who cannot be tamed. Rin’s carefree nature and willingness to accept their chaotic world, threats the fragile wall Yukio has built around himself. Rin challenges everything he knows and believes in just by existing.

While Rin’s arc is about self-acceptance, Yukio’s is about denial. He can’t reconcile his human (and that hint of a possible demonic side) so he lashes out at the person who reminds him of everything he’s running away from, Rin.

Ultimately, they’re both products of a system that values survival over happiness. Rin fights to break free from it, while Yukio becomes more entrenched, continuing the cycle that hurt him. Because that’s the only thing he knows. And the only thing he is allowing himself to know. So no, I cannot blame someone who was never taught how to deal with their own feelings and thus, explode when everything becomes too much.

What I do blame him for, though, are his calculated actions. What Yukio went through is an explanation on why he acts a certain way, but not a pass to excuse his actions.

Hurting his own brother, even when he knows it’s wrong. Shooting Rin whenever it’s convenient. Cussing him out. I get why he’s like this, I really do. I just can’t ignore, though, how the victim in this situation turned into the one doing the harm. He’s letting the cycle continue. Father Fujimoto trained him to be a soldier and without even realising it, Yukio keep pushing those same ideals onto Rin.

The sad truth about the twins is this: Yukio can keep hurting Rin over and over again and Rin will still forgive him. Because Rin loves his brother with all his heart. And Yukio? It’s not that he hates Rin, he does care, but he doesn’t have enough self respect to know what it means to properly care and show that care to someone he loves.

[gayestbacon]

A sneak peak

Sorry for any potential spelling errors;; English isn't my first language, and I miss stuff occasionally(ヽ´ω`)

This is very much inspired by Rizzanon's "Undoing Fate." Great fic that you should definitely read if you haven't.

──────────────────────────────

Cold

Everything is so cold.

I take a deep breath as I stare up to the sky, the night feeling brighter with the help of the soft white snow. It feels good, maybe even right. It’s as if I’m finally at peace with myself, like I’ve walked away from my past and from them.

My family, the Waynes.

Truthfully it was nice at first. I really did feel like I belonged with them, like I had a place to belong to. Having siblings to play with, talk to and a family that cared for me, it was all I could have ever asked for. But things were bound to change. I never did become a hero like them, maybe that’s why everything became different. With each passing day they became busier and busier, they stopped having time to be with me. I didn’t really blame them, sure at first I was sad, but I believed in them, I believed that maybe they were just tired. They did so much for this city after all. 

But after days became months, and months became years, I realised they wouldn't go back to how they were before. They never would.

It felt unfair, it was unfair.

The others would talk with each other, they would bond, and they would be a family. Why would they exclude me? Just because I didn’t become a hero like them? Just because I didn’t want a life of fighting? 

Why act like I wasn’t there, I WAS. I always was.

Why can't they be the loving family I once had?

Why was I the only one who tried and not them.

──────────────────────────────

This isn't really a long sneak peak. The prologue itself isn't that long, but I wanna finish writing 3 chapters before I start posting more, so I thought it would be fair to share a little right now.

Also, updates will be sporadic, Uni keeps me very busy most of the time.

[jpmarvel90]

Sacrifice

Masterlist Natasha Masterlist

Word Count: 5148

Relationship: Sister Nat & Sister Yelena x Reader Wanda x Reader

Summary: Y/n has been haunted since she watched Natasha fall to her death on Vormir. Her own grief is only intensified when Yelena finds out and shifts blame to the one person that wished it was her who had made the ultimate sacrifce.

Y/n's POV:

Coming home from Vormir without Nat was the most heartbreaking moment of my life. Seeing our sister Yelena's reaction added to the pain that I was already feeling. When Clint, Nat and I arrived at Vormir, none of us thought we'd be leaving as a duo. As soon as the realisation hit, I knew it had to be me. Clint had a family and the world needed Natasha. I was the obvious choice.

But Nat had other ideas. She had to be the hero. Whilst her and Clint were fighting, I took the opportunity to go myself. But Nat stopped me at the last minute. My feet were off the ground as I jumped, I was content with my decision. But my stubborn sister had to be the hero. She was able to grab me at the last minute and use her strength to switch our position.

I still had a hold on her hand, but she was out of reach from Clint, so it was reliant on me to be able to pull her up. That was made even more difficult by the fact that Nat didn't even try. My eyes were filled with tears when I realised that I wouldn't be able to save her. "You can't leave us. Yelena needs you. I need you!" I begged her, a sob getting caught in my throat. "It's ok. You'll be ok." She tells me but I shake my head, tears continuing to fall. I try once again with all my strength to pull her back up. "Let me go." She whispers before kicking off the wall. I can still see her body falling as I failed to save her. The world lost a hero that day and Yelena and I lost our sister.

It never should have been Nat. She was the true hero that carried on fighting when so many gave up after the snap. She gave her life to rectifying the wrongs she was forced to do whilst in the Red Room. Her ledger was already clean, and she deserved the chance to be able to have a normal life. To not have to fight any more.

After the battle was over, we were reunited with our family and friends that we had lost five years ago. I hadn't only lost Yelena, but my girlfriend Wanda too. It had been hell, and it was the reason I stuck by Natasha and worked tirelessly with her to find a way to bring everyone back.

However, telling them both the news was almost as devastating as the moment I saw Nat die. Yelena was angry and couldn't understand it. Wanda was devastated too. Nat had been like a sister to her when she first joined the Avengers. She was hurting too. I tried to be there for them as best I could. I was still grieving myself, but I knew I had to be there for my sister and girlfriend.

It was hard as they both started to withdraw, spending more time together. They had a shared experience and found comfort in each other. I started to feel like an outsider and my relationship with Wanda was slowly becoming more distanced. Yelena rarely spoke to me. Until she uttered the most devastating words at Nat's funeral. "It should have been you." There was a venom to her words and I could see that Wanda agreed. It made everything more painful as they were true. It should have been me. No one needed me. But Natasha Romanoff, everyone needed her.

Life at the compound become more difficult by the day. Those of us left signed to work with the government to keep the world safe from another situation like Thanos. There were rumblings that Hydra had resurrected, so most of our missions focused on wiping out anyone who posed a threat.

During this, my relationship with Yelena became non-existent. Any words said in my direction were said with hate. It got so bad that Fury could no longer put us on the same missions as he couldn't guarantee my safety from my own teammate, my own sister.

Wanda never officially broke up with me, but she moved out of our shared room and no longer spared any time for me. If I walked into a room, she was quick to leave. The love we once had seemed to have vanished when Nat died. Each day, it just reiterated why it should have been me.

So, I decided that I had to find a way that I could bring Nat back. No matter what the consequences might be. I spend a lot of time in the library working out if there was anything I could do that might be able to make everything right again. Though one phrase keeps coming up. "A soul for a soul." It's what's the Red Skull had told us when we were on Vormir, could that be a replacement for a soul already sacrificed.

I decide that's where I need to start. A trip back to Vormir and a conversation with the Red Skull will hopefully set me off on the way to bringing Nat back. I just need a distraction for everyone here so I can "borrow" a quinjet and make the journey. "Hey Y/n, we're going to have a team evening together. Maybe go for a couple of drinks, want to join us?" Bucky calls out after knocking on my door.

"Are Yelena and Wanda going?" I ask as I open the door. He looks at me sympathetically and nods. The rest of the team have been a little distant with me too. Not that I blame them. They're closer to Yelena and Wanda so I don't expect them to insert themselves into the middle of whatever shit show of a relationship we have.

"I'll give it a miss tonight. Thanks, though Buck. Have a great time." I tell him with a tight lipped smile. "You ok Y/n?" He asks me, taking me by surprise. "Oh yeah. I'm good. Thanks for checking in. I appreciate it." I respond. He nods and goes to turn before stopping and looking back. "How about on Friday, you me and Sam all go out together. Make a night of it. I know you've been a little isolated recently. I'm sorry for that." He suggests. "Oh uh. Thanks Bucky, sure that would great." I agree and I see him smile. "Great, we'll sort something out." He smiles and heads off.

This gives me the perfect opportunity. If they're all out, I can start to bring my sister back. I take a bit of time getting everything in order just in case I don't come back. I leave a message for Nat, hopeful that she might be able to see it one day. I considered leaving one for Yelena and Wanda, but they won't care. They'll be happy that the right person is with them.

I hear them all leave about 6pm so I gather a few of my things and head out. One of the few skills I'm grateful for from the red room is my hacking ability. Hopefully, by the time Shield realise the jet is missing, I'll be long gone. I'm weirdly not nervous as I board the quinjet. I feel a sense of hope. I know this is the right thing to do and I just pray that I'll be able to pull this off.

When I finally reach my destination, I take the familiar walk up to the top of the cliff. I get flashbacks of the last time I was here. The last time I was with my sister. I can still hear the conversations we had as I reach the top. I familiar figure waiting for me.

I take a deep breath and make my way forward as the figure turns to face me. "Ah, Y/n Y/l/n, I wondered when I would see you again."

Wanda's POV:

This night out with the team was much needed. Since everything with Thanos, it's been difficult to find the light. We lost a lot and we're still healing. I was surprised when I felt a pang of disappointment when Bucky came to us without Y/n in tow. Not that I'm surprised, we've not exactly made a welcoming space.

I especially have been bad with her. She's my girlfriend after all, but I just let my grief consume me. Add on the confusion of missing out on five years of life, it's just been difficult to make sense of it all. Yelena was the only one who knew how I felt and it was easier to be with her than Y/n.

But now I realise what I'm missing. The support and comfort of the woman that I love. I was stupid to let myself become influenced by Yelena. I started to feel her anger, but mine wasn't directed at Y/n. It was the situation. It just became my outlet as I had nowhere else to direct it. Which is completely unfair on Y/n. She was grieving herself and lost Yelena and me on top of it.

"I'm going to check on Y/n." Bucky tells us when we arrive home, earning a huff from Yelena. "Why do you care?" She snaps. "Because she has become isolated and it's not fair. I shouldn't have let it go on for so long." He defends. "Maybe she deserves it! If it wasn't for her, Natasha would be here." Yelena bites back. "ENOUGH!" Clint shouts, stepping in front of Yelena.

"I promised Y/n I wouldn't get involved, but I can't stand here anymore and let you talk like this. Y/n tried everything to save Nat. She had to watch as she slipped from her fingers after doing everything for it to be her. Y/n had wanted to make the sacrifice herself. So please just stop. If you don't want to be around her or have her in your life, fine. But this bitching needs to stop." He scolds the young Russian. Yelena doesn't respond but lets her head hang low for a moment. "I'll join you Bucky." Clint responds, following behind Bucky.

I should go with them. But when I take a step, Yelena looks to me. "I need more vodka." She huffs, taking my arm and moving us into the kitchen to get a drink. But before she's able to drink the shot she's poured, FRIDAY makes an announcement. "Director Fury has request everyone's attention in the conference room immediately."

"Cyka." Yelena huffs, quickly taking the shot and making her way to the meeting room. I follow behind and see Bucky and Clint return but without Y/n. I don't question it, instead I take a seat next to Yelena. "Would one of you like to explain where the quinjet is?" He asks, his tone flat. "No idea. We've all been out for a team meal." Sam explains. "Was Y/l/n at this meal?" Fury asks after noticing her absence.

The silence provides his answer. "That would explain the encryption on the tracking." Fury sighs. "Wait, you think Y/n has taken the jet?" Clint asks, giving Bucky a worrying look. "Well, considering she's the only one not here and only two people in this team have that ability to hack the quinjet like that." He responds and we all know the other is Yelena.

"This is not good. Do you think she's actually done it? That she found away?" Clint whispers to Bucky who matches his concerned look. "Do you know where the jet was heading?" Clint directs to Fury who shakes his head. "No, she's hidden the location." He replies. "Shit." Clint mumbles. "Something you'd like to share?" Fury questions him. Clint doesn't respond but pushes a piece of paper towards him.

Fury takes it and I see a sadness flash across his face. My heart rate picks up a little and the regret of how I have treated Y/n these last week's grows tenfold. I selfishly thought she would always be there waiting for me for when I was able to get passed this grief.

"Ok, let's go. Hopefully we can catch her before she does something stupid." Fury moves to leave with no explanation. "Would someone like to explain what is going on?" Yelena asks angrily. "Considering you haven't cared about Y/n's wellbeing recently, I'm sure you don't care now." Clint snaps and I see a flash of hurt on Yelena's face. "We don't have time for this." Bucky steps in, bringing the focus back to the situation at hand.

Mindlessly, I follow behind the others towards the quinjet. I have no idea what's going on, but from the panic in both Clint and Bucky's eyes, I know it can't be good. "You're going?" Yelena reaches out to grab my arm and spin me around. "You're not? She's your sister Yelena. I know you're angry at her, but it seems like you might lose her too. It's a loss I know that I won't cope with." I respond, snatching my arm from her and running to the jet.

"Co-ordinates set to Vormir." Clint tells Fury as the jet takes off. Hearing those words sends fear through my body. Why would she be going there? This fear and sickening feeling just grows as we get closer to our destination. The rest of the journey is in silence before the jet touches down.

Cautiously we all disembark and my eyes instantly land on the quinjet a few metres away. "This way." Clint instructs, directing us towards a worn path up to the top of a cliff. As quickly as we can, we start off to reach our destination. Though I don't think any of us expected the sight that was waiting for us.

In this moment, I feel like my heart is in my mouth. My emotions overwhelm me as I see the person that I had been grieving for. "Natasha?" Yelena whispers in shock as our eyes land on a familiar red head in front of us. I wipe at my own eyes, not believing what I'm seeing in front of us. Nat turns around with a confused look on her face as she looks over us. "You're really here?" Yelena says as she rushes forward and wraps her arms around her sister.

My own gaze then moves around trying to find Y/n. She has to be around here somewhere. "What happened? How am I here?" Nat asks once we've all greeted her, plenty of tears shed between us. That's when I notice the sadness in Clint and Bucky's eyes. "Clint?" I ask, panic building within. All he can muster is a whisperer sentence. "A soul for a soul."

Natasha's POV:

The last thing I remember was being in this odd space between reality and wherever I was due to move onto next. I was aware I was dead, and it seemed like I was just waiting. For what, I'm not sure. But I certainly hadn't expected that I would find myself back on Vormir. I knew time had passed. I just don't know how much time.

I look over the edge of the cliff as flashbacks from that day replay in my mind. I jumped. I stopped Y/n from doing it and I jumped in her place. I died, making the sacrifice so we could get the soul stone and beat Thanos. Had we beat Thanos?

I don't get time to really take it all in as I hear footsteps behind me. I quickly turn, getting in my fighting stance ready for whatever might be coming my way. However, my question is soon answered when I see two faces that I've not see in five years. Within seconds Yelena has wrapped her arms around me and is holding me close. I take comfort in her arms and look around for our other sister, desperate to hold her too.

After greeting everyone, I ask what had happened and that seems to bring a sadness to Fury, Bucky and Clint. When Wanda pushes Clint, he simply states, "A soul for a soul." I don't understand what he means, we already did that to get the soul stone in the first place. "What do you mean? Where's Y/n? Is she back at the compound?" I ask, not getting a good feeling about my sister not being here for this reunion.

"Let's get back home and we can share what we know." Clint suggests, guiding us back towards the path. Yelena and Wanda both stick close to me. Yelena seems delighted, but Wanda has a darkness around her. A worry that I don't understand. But I fear it is related to Y/n. "How long has it been?" I ask, wanting to get some sense of the time that has passed. "Three months." Yelena responds. "It felt like we had only been gone for seconds but in that time, I had lost you." She adds on, turning to me and pulling me into a hug once again. I've never seen Yelena this vulnerable before, so I just hold her that bit tighter.

When we reach the quinjet, I notice that there are two which takes me by surprise. "I'll take this one back. Then we'll meet to discuss moving forward." Fury explains, to which Bucky nods. "Not that I'm complaining, but is anyone going to explain how I'm back?" I ask, getting a little frustrated. They all look at each other until Clint speaks up. "We actually have no idea, but we think it has something to do with Y/n." He responds, before turning to enter the jet, preventing me from questioning him further.

My mind is so confused right now. It still feels a little hazy as we fly back to the compound. I have so many questions and I can't quite make sense of what is happening right now. As grateful as I am to be with my family again, I want to understand why. Is this temporary? Will I end up back in the middle place again?

When we arrive back home, I aimlessly follow the others to the conference room. "You go and rest Natasha, we'll give you any updates as needed." Yelena instructs me but I shake my head. "I want to know how this has all happened, especially if it's got something to do with Y/n." I reply, continuing on my journey with the others. I hear Yelena mumble something under her breath and she doesn't look too happy, but ultimately doesn't stop me.

I take my usual seat in the conference room, and I realise that the others are in a state of shock. They are all staring at me as if I'm going to disappear at any moment. "Where's Steve and Tony?" I ask, noticing two very empty spaces in the room. They take the time to talk me through what happened after they returned with all the stones. Knowing that Tony sacrificed himself for the greater good brought a tear to my eye. But I'm grateful that Steve was able to get his second chance with Peggy.

Now we come on to the more difficult conversation of how I happen to be back on earth, very much alive. "Bucky and I went to check on Y/n but she didn't answer. FRIDAY notified us she had left the compound but that she had blocked her location. With the door unlocked we went in and that's when we found that note." Clint explains as Fury nods along. "That would work with the timeline of the quinjet going missing. She obviously waited for you all to be out of the compound so she could do what she needed uninterrupted." Fury responds.

"What note?" I jump in, still confused about what is going on. Did Y/n really steal a quinjet? Why would she do that? Fury moved his hand into his inside pocket of his jacket and pulls out a note before handing it to me. I open it up and I feel both Wanda and Yelena peer over my shoulder.

Maybe this time I can make things right. I'll make sure it was me. Take care of Nat.

I look up from the note to the others. Wanda is full on crying when she sees the words on the paper. Yelena won't make eye contact whilst both Bucky, Clint and Sam look like they're grieving. "What does this mean? What does she mean by making sure it was her." I question, wanting to get some semblance of what is going on. This looks like a suicide note.

I start to get frustrated when no one answers me. In fact, they all make the effort to not meet my eyes. "Someone tell me!" I shout, banging my hand to the table making them flinch. "Yelena?" Clint speaks, raising an eyebrow at her. I turn to face my sister who looks as white as a ghost. "Lena, what is going on?" I ask calmly, but again she doesn't respond.

"Her and Wanda have spent the last three months telling Y/n that it should have been her and not you. I guess she finally found a way to make that true" Bucky finally breaks the silence and my heart with it. "What?" I gasp, turning to look between the two of them. "Did you really say that to her?" I ask, shocked that Yelena could do something so horrible to Y/n. They've always been so close.

When both of them fail to respond, I stand up ready to leave. I can't believe this. "Natasha wait." Fury tries to stop me. "No! From what I can work out, these two pushed Y/n so far that she has killed herself to bring me back. That's what you're telling me without actually telling me isn't it." I snap, tears filling my eyes. "We don't know exactly what happened." Fury responds but I just scoff. "She stole a quinjet and flew to Vormir. You found me and Y/n was nowhere to be seen. I think we all know what happened." I retort.

Quickly turning to face Yelena and Wanda, I feel my anger build. "I'm so angry at you. It was my choice! I decided it had to be me. I had my chance at living and making things right. Y/n still had so much of her life ahead of her. She was in there longer than us Yelena. She had you, Wanda and she was happy. I couldn't take that away from her or you! I made the decision to jump because I thought that if it was Y/n, you'd be left without a girlfriend and you your favourite sister." I yell, jabbing my finger in the direction of Wanda and Yelena.

"Fuck! It was my choice! It was meant to be me. But now I hear that she's spent the last three months without anyone whilst she went through grief, being told it was her fault and she should have died. Her last three months were probably miserable, and you can't change that. She's gone. Y/n is dead. Do you realise that? She's not going to magically rematerialize. And it's all your fault!" I rant, anger and an overwhelming sadness taking over me.

At my words, I see the realisation hit Yelena and Wanda. Tears start to fall down their cheeks. "I jumped so she could have the life you promised me she would have. A life where she would be loved and protected. A life where you would never hurt her. But it couldn't be any further from the truth!" I spit at Wanda, venom lacing my tone.

"And you. How can you even treat our sister like that. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to forgive you." I turn to Yelena, my heart aching knowing I've lost two sisters today. Not allowing them time to respond, I storm off to what used to be my room. Ignoring the calls from behind me.

When I reach the accommodation floor, I find myself stuck outside Y/n's door. My hand hovering over the handle. There is a part of me that is wishing this is some sick joke and I'll open this door to see her sat on her bed, drawing, or listening to music. That she'll actually be alive, and I won't have to face living in this world without my sister. The sister that gave me my humanity.

Slowly I push the door open, and I instantly get enveloped by her scent. Tears once again prickle at my eyes when I see the cold room is empty. Wanting to feel closer to her, I move further into the room and towards her desk where I spot a USB sat on an otherwise spotless desk.

Pulling her desk chair out, I sit and turn on her laptop. Letting out a teary laugh when I see the photo of her, Yelena, and I when we were drunk on a night out. We look the happiest we've ever been. It was one of the first times we'd been able to just forget about life all together and this photo represented that. I reach out and rest my fingers over her face. "Oh, moya malen'kaya sestra. (My little sister) I'm sorry I failed you." I cry as the thought of not seeing her again hits me.

Composing myself, I plug in the USB and open it to see there is only one file on it. A video file entitled "For Natasha." Hesitantly, I click on the file and let out a sob when I see Y/n's face appear on the screen. Straight away I notice that she's barely slept and there is a pain in her eyes I have not seen since we saved her from the red room.

Video message

Hey Nat. I really hope that you are watching this. If you are, it means that I finally did something right and managed to rectify the mistake that I made that day on Vormir. I never should have let you jump.

You see, the thing is about you Natasha, is you don't see your worth. You believe the trauma that you went through as a child is something that you must atone for, for the rest of your life. Despite telling Yelena, me and countless other widows how our actions were not our fault, you failed to allow yourself the same courtesy.

Since joining Shield and then the Avengers, you have done far more good than you ever did bad. Not that you had anything to make up for in life. You had every right to live a normal life, to try and move on from the horrors of your past. But instead, you set your mind to saving others who couldn't save themselves.

Don't tell the others, but you were the true hero of the Avengers. Your intentions were the purest. You were not blinded by money, fame, or righteousness. You were doing everything you could to try and drive out evil from this world. To stop others having to experience a pain like you did.

It's why I decided to jump. Why it should have been me that made that sacrifice. You had already given enough. It was your time to live your life in peace. If you had chosen to carry on your life as an Avenger, then so be it. But it would have been your choice.

The world needs Natasha Romanoff. Yelena, Clint, Shield, hell even my girlfriend, needed you more than me. It's why you never should have given your life that day. It's why I was the logical choice. The only choice.

Yes, hearing that being reiterated by people I love has been hard to hear these last few months. But it's the truth. It's why I tried so hard to find away that I could rectify that mistake and make the world right again. I think I finally have that answer now. A way that I might be able to bring you back. I pray that this works and maybe Yelena and Wanda can stop hating me. Not that I'll know, I guess.

I know that everyone will be able to move one without me in their lives. But you, well we know the world deserves and needs Natasha Romanoff. I just hope that I'm able to give it to them.

If you are sat watching this Nat. Please know how much I love you. You are the reason that I experienced freedom and free will for the first time. You gave me a family, a chance at love. All things that I thought I would never experience. You saved me in more ways than one and I will always be eternally grateful for that.

Being able to call you my sister has been the greatest honour Nat. I love you with everything I have, and I hope that one day, we may see each other again. In a life where there are no expectations of us. A life where we're free to live as we want. But before that time, live your life to the fullest. Enjoy it and have a vodka for me. Ya tebya lyublyu, moya sestra. Do svidaniya. (I love you, my sister. Goodbye.)

I feel the sobs wrack over me as the screen goes black. I feel grief wash over me in waves. It physically hurts to know that she sacrificed herself for me. For her to believe that this world needs me more than it needed her. She is a light that shone brighter than anyone I had ever met. But now that light is extinguished.

With my grief overwhelming me, I feel the sudden need to leave her room. Being surrounded by her things, knowing she'll never be here again is just adding to the pain. As I stand and turn around, I spot Wanda and Yelena crying in the doorway, clearly having overheard the video.

"Natash..." "Don't." I hold my hand up to stop Wanda straight away. "She needed you. Both of you. But you were selfish and put your own grief above hers. You could have supported each other. Grieved together, moved on together and had a life together. But instead, everything is ruined." I express, pain lacing my voice.

"Natasha please." Yelena practically begs, reaching out to take my hand but I'm quick to snatch it away. "No. As far as I'm concerned, I lost two sisters today." I state before barging past them both and to my own room. Quickly locking the door behind me.

I fall onto the bed, the whole day becoming overwhelming. I don't know where to go from here. How do I live a life that doesn't have her in it. How am I supposed to live like she told me to, when I can't share it with her. I feel at a complete loss. Of all the things I have sacrificed, my own life included, this was one I was too selfish to give. But have ended up losing anyway. 

[megs-1800]

The Fear Of Loosing You

Notes: Requests are open as usual. This is written from Mason's POV.

Summary: After you and Mason break up 6 weeks ago, he gets the dreaded call that you have been in a car accident. Are you gong to be okay? He has so many questions to ask you? Will you ever forgive him?

Pairings: Mason Mount x Reader

Word Count: 4.1K

Warnings: Fluff, Angst and mentions of car accident and injury

I parked my car up and walked quickly into the restaurant trying not to get wet from the torrential rain that is currently downpouring. As I walk in I see the large table with our own separate part of the restaurant where all the united boys are sat. We agreed to start to meet for dinner before the start for the season it’s a ritual.

Tonight though I really didn’t want to go, it’s the first time I have been out the house for a social occasion since the break up. We broke up 6 weeks ago and my heart still aches as much as it did the night you left. I am completely devastated since the break up, you packed all your things within a couple of hours and moved back to (your hometown) back with your parents. We haven’t spoken since, I have messaged you nearly every day which you never reply. You deleted all pictures of us on your socials and unfollowed me on everything, which made everyone talk. I do not blame you, I done the worse thing I could ever do to you, I cheated on you, I broke your heart which I broke my own heart in the process.

I have been struggling since you have left, I am trying to get my head around everything, get my head around being single again I hate it. We were together for 3 years, we were so happy. That was until I decided to go out that night and get drunk and make the biggest mistake of my life. Now I have to deal with the trauma of never having you again.

I sat down at the table and everyone is chatting away, I try and join in the conversation but my mind is distracted. I try my best to enjoy the evening. I am joining in with the conversation when I see my phone ring. It’s a number I do not recognise, I can see the start of it is a Manchester number but I decide not to answer it. That’s when I get the voicemail ping up, something in me tells me to listen to it now. I quickly escort myself away and listen to the voicemail. “Voicemail for a Mason Mount, I am calling from Saint Mary’s Hospital we have a patient here that you are registered as their Next of Kin so please do give us a call back at your earliest convenience so we can discuss their situation”. I was confused, everyone I am close to run through my head which no one made sense. Then it kicked it, it could be you? But why would you be in Manchester Hospital? You went back to your home town with your parents after the breakup so whats going on.

I quickly hit redial and called the hospital back, they answered after 2 rings which is good as I didn’t want to sit on hold. “Hello, I missed a call from you its Mason Mount”. They agreed and they said they would look into the record for me. My heart dropped at the next sentence “hello Mr Mount thank you for holding.. we have a y/n y/l/n here from what we believe she has had a car accident, she has lost a lot of blood. She has been in and out of surgery since she got here. She is currently in a stable condition but we are not sure about any further damage until she wakes up. The next 48 hours are going to be vital for her. We have been trying to get hold of her parents but there is no answer, so you are the next listed as her next of kin. We are not sure if you want to come down as she really needs someone to support her with the recovery”.

I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, I feel sick and suddenly become very dizzy. I need to sit down. Everything is running through my head I have to get to you. I quickly run inside, I didn’t even realise I was crying until one of the boys pulled me in making sure I was okay. I explained what happened and they all told me to go. They know how much I love you. As I am driving I must be breaking all the limits with how quick I was driving but right now I do not care I need to make sure you are okay.

As I run into the hospital I run upto the front desk, “Hey I am looking for y/n y/l/n” they stop and stare at me “omg you are Mason Mount! Oh my god! Oh my god! Please can we have an autograpgh”. I look at her with dismay. “Seriously?” I say shocked “No not right now, I need to go see her please can you tell me what room y/n y/l/n is in please?” I say with a bit more authority. “Are you family? Because we can only allow family in to see her at the moment due to her fragile condition”. Fragile condition how bad are you? “but on this occasion we will allow you to go in just please do not say anything because we will be in trouble”. The girls behind the desk giggle, I do not feel in a laughing mood right now, but at least my name actually done me a positive today. They provided me the number of your room and I basically run there, perks of being an athletic at least I can run up the 8 flights of stairs instead of waiting for the bloody lift without being too out of breath.

When I finally reach your room I open the door at the sight makes my heart shatter. You are all hooked up to wires. You are covered in cuts and bruises, your left leg is wrapped possibly broken or a sprain and your right wrist is the same. You are topless with a bandage covering your whole chest, that really must not be good. You look so broken, all I want is to put you back together. I quickly ran over to you and sit in the chair that is placed next to your bed, and put your hand in mine. I am a mess I can feel my heart beating erratically, I just need you to be okay. “Please be okay baby, please wake up baby. Please y/n I love you”.

I sit with you for a couple of hours, just looking at you all over. Even with you looking all battered and bruised you are still the most beautiful women in my eyes. Your doctor came in to do his checks. I stood away from you as he did his checks to give him space. I look down and play with my hair feeling so hopeless. “What happened doc? Is she going to be okay?”

The doctor gave me a sympathetic look “I believe she had a car accident, swerved off the road and I think the car must of flipped a couple of times by looking at her injuries. She has a fractured leg, sprained wrist, couple of bruised ribs and her lung collapsed. She had a lot of internal bleeding and she smacked her head a couple of times so until she wakes up we generally cannot determine how severe her injuries are. We wanted to run a couple of CT scans however we really do not like running those for women in her condition, so it will be best for her to wake up first for us to examine her.”. I am so confused at those words. “A women in her condition what does that mean? What because she is so fragile?” I asked the doctor.

The doctor shakes his head, “No we do not like running scans on those who are pregnant”, I am taken aback by that statement. “Wait she is pregnant?” I asked with concern in my voice. My next thought is about the baby “Is the baby okay? You know because of the accident”. This is when the nurse in the room buts in “The baby is okay from what we can see, she is still really early on in the pregnancy but the heartbeat seems stable and the scan showed no current concerns. Did you not know about the pregnancy? Did you know if she knew?”

“No I had no idea she was pregnant I cannot believe it, she might of known but we haven’t been on the best terms recently so I am not sure if she knows I am sorry.” The nurse gives me a reassurance smile. “Visiting times are almost over however if you want to stay tonight we can get you a fold out bed so you can sleep here? She will need someone here once she wakes up” I nod at response to her question. I haven’t slept next to you in just over 6 weeks, I cannot believe your pregnant. Is it mine? Did you know? What were you doing in Manchester? Where you coming to tell me? All these things are rolling through my head. Once the nurse brought the bed in, I set myself out. It really wasn’t a comfortable bed but it was nice laying next to you, with your hand in my mine. My head is a mess, once the nurse leaves I left all my tears roll out as I slowly close my eyes. My mind goes back to the day we broke up.

I finished training early to come and surprise you, I even went to buy some flowers for you on the way home. I love seeing your smile and I know you love the little things like this. As I walk through the door, I was expecting to see you greeting me at the door, or see you singing away as you are doing things around the house, but today I am met with silence. Something felt wrong. As I walk into the living room I look at you and can see the tears in your eyes, by the look of your puffy eyes you have been crying a little while.

I quickly put the flowers down and sat by your side “whats wrong baby? Is everything okay?” I went to put my arms around you to comfort you, but as I do this you wiggle away from me and just stare straight into my arms. You look so vulnerable and scared, I am worried with what has happened. It must have been something bad for you to be in this state. “Please tell me its not true?” which I can hear the worry in your voice.

“Whats not true?” I say acting dumb, surely you cannot know. There is no way you can know. “Where did you stay the other night?” You choak out, I can see you really struggling to get your words out as you are focusing more on your breathing. “what do you mean? What night?” I am still trying to act dumb, I knew exactly what you were talking about.

“The night you went out to get drunk, you said you bumped into Jaz and ended up staying with her. I was just on facetime to her, and summer was saying how she was so excited to see you as she hasn’t seen you in ages, when I said that you stayed there the other night she was confused and said you didn’t stay and said I was silly”. Shit I thought I have been caught.

“Summer wouldn’t of seen me, I was up before Summer left that’s probably why.” I say pleading trying to defuse the situation. I hoped you couldn’t see through my lie. “well you text me at midday to say you were leaving so Summer would of seen you surely. This isn’t making sense Mason”. I can see the tears slowly streaming down your face, I can see you adding it all up. “I- um- I-um” I wasn’t sure what to say I have been caught in my lie.

“The thing is Mason, after this I logged into your emails and I saw an email receipt for a hotel that night.. I wouldn’t be too worried about that but why lie to me about staying with Jaz if you got a hotel? See I thought this was really weird so I logged onto your Instagram I know I shouldn’t of but I knew you would lie like you are now. That’s when I saw the messages Mason, from that girl thanking you for a sexy night, and you telling her to keep it quiet, and her asking for money to keep quiet, which you fucking paid Mason. You  rather pay her that stupid money then tell me the truth! You are a fucking coward Mount!” Your sadness has now turned to anger.  I can feel your heart breaking.

“3 years Mason, 3 fucking years! And you just cheated on me seriously!, I-I-I cannot believe it”. You are now in full on tears, I don’t even know what to say, I just wanted to take it all back. The way you are breaking because of me, I cannot believe I have been so stupid. “I-I am sorry y/n, it was a mistake. We had that fat argument and then you said that if I walked out the house then do not bother coming back. I thought I lost you, I-I went out with the guys I was smashed. When I woke up in the morning I woke up next to this girl. I don’t even remember the night. Please it meant nothing to me” I am pleading now, I will do anything to make it okay. “The thing is Mase, she meant enough for it to ruin our relationship” You gave me a small sad smile. “and you had the nerve to hide it from me. I know we fought but I sat here all night alone crying hoping you would come home to sort it out, while you were there fucking another girl. I guess I just cared more about the relationship then you do”.

You stood up and start walking towards the door, I quickly run to reach you. As I am stood eye to eye with you I am not sure what to do. I quickly grab you and push my lips to you with force trying to force you not to leave. You push my away and give me a small slap across the cheek which makes me back away. “I love you y/n please don’t do this” I say sobbing. “I didn’t do this Mase, you did. You and the girl did this, you broke us.” I hate myself so much how have I lost her. “Please y/n I will do anything to make this better. Please do not leave me, I will get on my hands and knees and beg please” I have now lost all pride and kneeling in front of you grabbing your hands, begging for you not to leave. I can see the tears streaming down your face which I am sure you can see the tears staining my face as well. I am a mess. You shake your head. “Please Mase don’t do this, if you love me you will let me go” at this I start crying more, this puts me in a dilemma because I love you more then anything but I do not want you to go. I know I have to let you leave, I did this I need to let you go. I let go of your hands and stand up so we are facing eachother again. I can see you are trying to control your breathing to stop you from hyperventilating. You nod and can see you sniffling trying to compose yourself. “Thank you.. I will get someone to come and grab my stuff. Goodbye Mase.”

I watch you walk out the door as I can feel my heart shatter, I cannot believe that I have just lost you like that. That was the last time I saw or spoke to you. I tried to message you but you always ignored me. I haven’t spoken to you in 6 weeks.

I am woken up to the sound of you choking, as I slowly open my eyes and adjust them quickly to the bright light I quickly remember where I am. I quickly shout for a nurse who comes in and removes the tube out of your throat and she explains to you what has happened. You look so scared, you were always so brave and at this time seeing the pain in your eyes, shatters me I just wish I could take all the pain away. As the nurse leaves, you try and say something but your mouth is so dry it comes out raspy. I quickly grab you the glass of water on your side and put the straw to your mouth, I watch as your swallow the whole glass.

“What are you doing here Mason?” I was pretty much excepting that to be your first question. “They called me, they said they tried to call your parents but there was no answer so they rang me as I was your registered next of kin as well”. You nod your head and look at your body assessing your wounds. You try and sit up and wince, I am quick to respond “Are you okay? You in pain I can go get the nurse? I can get them to give you more pain meds? Did you want help sitting up?” I blurted out. “whoah, that’s a lot of questions. The nurse said a minute ago I am on the highest pain meds so I do not think they going to give me anymore. But yes please if you could help me sit up that would be amazing”. You say trying to give me a smile but due to the injuries on your cheek you cannot smile too wide. I nod and wrap my arms around your back and slowly lift you up the bed trying my hardest to be as painless as possible.

Once you are seated in bed, I take the seat next to you. “What do you remember? What happened y/n? Why are you in Manchester?” I see your body start to stiffen as you are reliving the memory of what happened. “I-uh-I-Uh umm my parents are on holiday which is why they didn’t answer the phone, which I am glad they didn’t answer otherwise they would already be on the flight home by now” you give a small giggle which I can see hurts your chest. “I have something I needed to speak to you about, I thought if I messaged you out the blue or rang you, you would want to talk then and I would chicken out. So I thought if I just turned up at your house then I wouldn’t be able to back out. It was so wet and such a hard drive. I was literally only 10 minutes away from yours when the car skidded, I lost complete control and next thing you know this car crashed into the side of me. The car flipped a couple of times, then I woke up here”. I can see the tears roll down your face, I can see the fear in your eyes are you telling it back. I quickly stand up and wipe your tears away with my thump as I cup your face. “I guess I still have that thing to talk to you about”.

“I know” I responded, which I looked at the confusion on your face. “What do you mean you know?” you ask.

“When the doctor came in to explain about your condition to me, they explained they did not want to do a Scan due to your ‘condition’. They told me you are pregnant? Is it mine?” At that last part, I see your eyes get wide you look angry. “Are you serious Mount! You are the one who cheated not me. Its been 6 weeks of course I haven’t been with anyone else. I don’t know what you have been doing since we broke up, but I definitely haven’t been sleeping around. I cannot believe you Mason that you really think the baby isn’t yours and agrrr shit”. I hear you wince in pain as you grab your side. My face suddenly softens as I suddenly stand up, hoping you will give me an idea on how I make you feel better. I grab your wounded hands in mine. Your eyes look up at me this time a lot softer “Is the baby okay? Did it get hurt?” You say looking down at your stomach and slowing rubbing it. “No.. our baby is a fighter. They said the heartbeat is strong and everything looks okay at the moment”.  I watch the relieve in your face as I confirm the baby is okay.

“I know what happened between us, and whatever you want to do about us is completely your choice. But I promise you I will be here for this baby, I always wanted you to be the mother of my child and knowing you are bringing my first child into this world. Wow I couldn’t love you more if I tried y/n. Please let me be a dad, please let me be here for you both because I know I let you down, but I promise I will never let our child down, and I will spend everyday making it up to you. Please just give me a chance please.”

As you begin to answer the nurse comes in “hiya.. sorry to interrupt. I just want to let you know miss y/l/n that you and baby are doing well. There are no internal injuries which is good. We want to keep you for a couple of nights for observation but you should be free to go within the next couple of days. The only thing is you need to be released to someone, we cannot let you go home on your own due to the head injury. I am not one to gossip but I know you two are not together anymore, but are you going home with him or do you need us to call someone else for you?” I see you look at me not knowing what to answer. Your parents are away and I know you do not have many other close people to call. Of course you are coming back with me.

“She is coming home with me, I can look after her”. I said with authority. Which the nurse looks at you for conformation which you nod and she gives us a smile and walks away. “Thank you Mase, but honestly it will be fine. I will call my sister or something. I do not even have any clothes or anything. I didn’t pack a bag to come, I just kind of got in the car and drove. Honestly its fine, I need to go home”.

“Stop y/n, you are in a lot of pain, I will take care of you. I will buy you everything you need. I will bring you my clothes to wear as I know you will be comfortable in them for now. Please you know it makes sense, I am not far from the hospital. Then when you get a bit better and your parents are back from holiday then I will drive you home okay, please y/n you know it makes sense.”  I watch you contemplate the options which you know this is the best one.

“Okay thank you Mase”. I smile and explain that I am just going to pop home to get changed as I am still in my outfit from yesterday and grab some bits for you. You stop me as I am leaving. “Mase this doesn’t change anything, just because I am helpless right now and carrying your child doesn’t take back what happened. You still cheated, you still broke my heart Mase. I love you more then anything but I need to protect myself.” I nod agreeing with you. “I know baby, just you focus on resting up and getting better and building the best home for our bubba okay. Our relationship stuff will still be here tomorrow okay.” I wink at you, which you lay your head back on the bed.

As I walk out the hospital, I feel a sudden sense of everything. Relief that you are okay, excitement for the baby,  anticipation of what is going to happen between us. But for now, you and baby are okay and you are coming home with me that’s all I could want for now. All I need to focus on is winning you back. How hard could that be?

You can read Part 2 here

[smooth-perceval]

“My love, my life.”

“We are going to be just fine…”

Max Verstappen x Fem!Reader

PART ONE

Max Corner

Summary: Max and reader crossed the line in their 3 year friendship, resulting in 2 positive pregnancy test. And 1 baby on the way.

Warnings: 18+ you could say smut- but it’s not very ‘Smutty’ maybe if you squint, pregnancy, swearing, Google translate, Lando being Lando, no proof read.

Key: Y/N (your name), Y/L/N (your last name), biscuit= Cookie, Lando and reader are friends for about 4 years.

Word count: 2,949

A/N: Thank you for the votes 🖤 It has motivated me to now write something 🙂 I’m seeing how this goes, I might even turn it into a series. Anddd I love dad max 🖤

The soft moans, and whispers of each others names was all that painted the walls of the vanilla hotel room. Us both sinning beyond hells gates… Something so wrong feeling so right- like we was both made perfectly for each other.

You could say it was the drink… or the pent up sexual attraction we both craved so badly from one another… either way we both bathed in the moment, showing one another what 3 years worth of “friendship” really meant.

The little touches and glances go along way… they turned into flirty comments and kisses so close to the lips if either had tilted our heads we would’ve been where we are now a lot sooner… Tonight, it turned into Max kissing that little more over, lips brushing slightly. Both breathing heavily questioning wether to go in for a second. And I did, I took the chance to grab him by the collar kissing him. Not just the once though, it turned into three or four little kisses before Max was pushing against the wall and shutting the door blindly.

So we could say Max is to blame here, Max is the reason I’m biting down onto my lip, suppressing any noise he is causing me to make- His blue eyes had me pinned, scared to turn away incase I lose this feeling- this intimacy, this entire moment.

Hovering over me, one hand holding my thigh up the other next to my head supporting himself, his bare chest on view, with only smudged lipstick stains coating him. His hair a little messy from my hands running through and tugging on every strand I could. Lips swollen from the rough kisses of need. The warmth in the room from our heavy breathing causing a thin layer of sweat over us both… and even in such a unhinged moment. He still looked perfect.

And after our night of pleasure, and we had both ‘cleaned up’ me putting on one of Max shirts, him sticking to fresh underwear. We left his room, as if we was naughty teenagers, we tiptoed down to my room, climbing into fresh bedding.

Both laying there staring at each other in complete awe, Max hand reaching up and stroking my cheek and along my jaw. Now letting the sleep slowly evade us, with my eyes closed I heard him whisper the three words I’ve always dreamt he would say… wether he did or not it still felt real to me.

“I love you”

And as if it was a reaction to the words I found myself shuffling closer to his chest. Like he was the protection I needed… the knight in shining armour in every princess story.

**3 Weeks later**

Back home, and was things awkward between me and Max? Yes. Very.

Even Lando picked up on the weird tension. Lando also being a close friend and noticing how we was both frightened to go near each other.

For me? It was scared of going near him and pushing him back into a hotel bed all over again… it was scared of getting to close and getting burned in the long run- because Max wasn’t the type of guy to stick around… not after his last breakup everything was fucked and chucked, and me unfortunately was one of them- or so it feels.

I was attending the Monaco GP, in support of Max & Lando them being my only two friends you could say.

However the weekend turned to not be the best of starts, I had picked up a stomach bug somewhere, as I’ve been sick nearly every morning, sometimes of an evening if I really give into the feeling. I realised eating something small like a biscuit would somewhat cure the sickness… it’s been horrible. I texted both Lando and Max saying I would leave my home once I had felt a bit better in myself, both sending back get well soon messages and updates on what’s happening.

I was adamant on attending the qualifying, so chomping down on a biscuit and sipping on a bottle of water I made my way to the GP. In my bag I had a little bag filled with biscuits. I wasn’t going to let a little tummy ache stop me from watching my boys-

I read online that a stomach bug doesn’t seem to be contagious after a few days, which I was praying was true. If not then I could only apologise to them and beg for forgiveness if I ruin their race…

My first stop was Lando, who was practically jumping when he saw me. Bringing me in the most tightest hug you could imagine-

“Lan- don’t I still feel like I could be sick…” mumbling I rub his back before pulling myself away.

“Oh shit- sorry… wait are you contagious?!” He jumped back holding his hands up like they would defend him.

“It says no online… if I am I’m sorry though…” pouting I shuffled about on my feet. “I just wanted to watch you both race-”

Tutting he rubbed my shoulder, before throwing an arm around both. “It’s okay, longs your not sick in here. We just washed the floors.”

Rolling my eyes I elbowed him in the ribs, “I won’t, I got my biscuits.” Patting my bag I smiled up at him. “And anyways if I was sick it’s normally first thing in the morning, or maybe later… if I stop eating these biscuits.” Eyebrows furrowed Lando tilted his head at me.

“First thing in the morning? Sounds like something else to me.” Humming a teasing tone he lead us both out the garage. Shaking my head in annoyance at him I look around. “Behave Lando.”

“I’m just saying-”

And well him just saying that had my mind reeling… what if? I couldn’t just pull out my phone and check when I was due on my ladies, Lando would see, seeing as his attached to my hip, so in my head I counted back. I should’ve started by now right? I doubt it- I think it’s next week.

Before I know it we was stopping outside red bull’s garage Lando practically screamed for Max, all the engineers turning to look up at him. Some in annoyance and some confused to why he was screaming…

And there he was- Max in all his glory shuffling his way through. Suit unzipped and hanging down at his waist, his fireproofs on show… showing every shape of his body- gulping, my eyes started to wander, slowly remembering every part of him I kissed, where the red lipstick marks were, where to touch that would make him shiver and whisper my name in a warning. As if I was triggering a ticking time bomb- I mean you could say I was that night. I was remembering it all in waves, before it was only a faint memory.

“Y/N! You made it finally…” smiling at each other he came and stood infront of us both. His hand brushing my arm slightly in a little pat/rubbing manner. Yeah it was tense… i felt like screaming, if we hadn’t pushed that boundary, it probably wouldn’t feel so awkward- I had the devil on my shoulder, shouting over the little angel, telling me I should just let him have me right here on the track and claim our own trophy, create our own ‘finish’.

Oh what have you done to me Verstappen.

Clearing his throat Lando patted my bag. “Well lets just ignore the awkwardness… She has her biscuits.” Confused Max looked between us both.

“To keep the sickness away.” Finishing Lando’s sentence with another shake of my head and a small smile at Max.

“Ah- makes sense.” Laughing a little Max turned back to the garage. “Lan I think we’re about to start quali”

“I’ll probably be back and fourth between you both- I’m just going to get some more water…” smiling a little at them both I gave a small wave. “Good luck both of you.”

Both quickly giving nods and a thanks, they ran into the garages suits getting pulled up and zipped in the process.

Now finally away from them both I checked my health app, going back to my last period…

Panic rises through me, I have been stressed so maybe it’s on its way- I’ll do a test later just in case but I’m sure it’s stress, or even many other reasonings but the one that makes sense is the one I’m praying against. I mean it’s only a week, so no panic.

But except I am panicking… Maybe I should go do a test now… put my mind at ease-

Quickly heading back out I sent a text to them both to see, incase I wasn’t back-

“Be back soon- wasn’t feeling great again.”

And then I went straight to the chemist…

Looking between test, hands shaking as I try and read the box, I finally gave up taking them both to the checkout, nervously looking around like somehow someone I knew would catch me. The lady behind the till offered a kind smile, which I quickly returned, paying for the tests and rushing out with the bag mumbling a thank you.

I felt sick again- maybe it was nerves who knew- I mean why am I panicking I have been so stressed lately it could be that- but still what if…

Once I got back to my apartment I headed straight to the bathroom fumbling with the test taking a stick from each and doing them both at the same time- Two test can’t lie…

I was pacing, doing circles around my bedroom as I bit down on my nails. Every few minutes sitting on my bed, before pacing again. It wasn’t until my alarm went off was I finally broken out of my trance. I took a few deep breaths and crept into the toilet, standing in the doorway, I rose to my tiptoes craning my neck-

My stomach dropped, and I found myself stumbling into the toilet reading both test, my head going from left to right as I held both sticks…

[2-3 Weeks] and the other [3+ weeks]

There it was the sickness again, dropping to my knees I curled myself around the toilet letting every little bit of sick come up… all the nerves building up in my body and raking through.

When I was finally able to get away from the toilet bowl, I got up brushing my teeth and washing my face… trying to stop the little tears, why am I crying? I’m terrified-

How the fuck do I tell Max?

Feeling sorry for myself, I crawled into my bed breathing in and out slowly… I am absolutely terrified.

Somewhere from my racing mind and the tossing and turning I dozed off only waking up to the sound of my door being nearly knocked down.

Rushing out of bed I head downstairs looking through the peep hole.

“Lando you knock like the police-” muttering I unlock the door letting him in.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at qualifying?” Frowning i move over to the door before turning back to look at him.

“Y/N that finished about an hour ago…” concerned flashed over his face as he brought me into a hug.

“Maybe we should go to the doctors, maybe he can get this sickness sorted…” mumbling he rubbed my back soothingly, rocking us a little.

“I know what it is Lan…” I felt it again the burning in my throat as I tried holding back the tears… my eyes welling up at even the thought.

“I know I know- but maybe he can give you something like an anti-sickness tablet?” I shook my head wiping underneath my nose with my sleeve, hand on the door handle as I went to shut it.

“Oh wait-”

“I’m pregnant…” whispering I covered my mouth hoping that if I trapped the sound it wouldn’t make it real.

Lando’s shock was evident as he stared back, hand in the air still pointing at the door, his mouth creating an ‘o’ shape.

“Did you say pregnant?” A familiar voice was heard that defiantly wasn’t Lando’s.

My head felt like it was going to snap as I looked back at the door, and once again there he was, trying to squeeze himself in the little gap I had left him from trying to shut the door…

My heart pounded as I watched him, hoping he would show some emotion to put my mind at ease but nothing… the silence in the room from us three was unbearable.

“Well congratulations!” Lando grabbed ahold of me again hugging me tight, my eyes were still glued on Max, waiting on anything. But nothing he just stood there frozen. And that somewhat annoyed me more- it was both our faults that I’m in this situation I don’t expect anything from him but the recognition.

Lando pulled away looking between us both with a smile, “So have we got uncle duties? Are you going for an early scan? Who’s the dad?”

Shaking my head at Lando I push past him, trying to get away. I would rather Max saying he doesn’t care there stand there saying nothing at all… “Y/N I didn’t mean to ask so many questions-” Lando was rushing in behind me, before more footsteps were heard and then Max was seen.

“Is it mine?” Eyebrows furrowed, was he angry? He has a right to be angry. I’m angry. Lando bursted out into a fit of laughter smacking Max’s arm “Flirting with each other doesn’t make someone pregnant you idiot.” Now both with confused looks we turned our heads looking at Lando.

“Of course it’s yours.” Shaking my head I looked back at Max.

“Are you sure?”

“What you trying to accuse me of here Max?”

The realisation finally hit Lando as he pointed between us both.

“I’m not accusing you of anything but, I have a right to ask if there had been anyone else don’t you think.”

“Yeah sure because I do that kind of stuff.” Stepping closer he shrugged slightly, which only added fuel to the fire, my voice getting slightly louder.

“Oh come on Max! You’ve known me 3 fucking years.” Tears started spilling down my face, and I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t stop them.

“You guys fucked?!” Once again we both was staring at Lando, merely a few feet away from each other. Both nodding our heads slowly.

“Is that why it’s so fucking awkward to be around you both?!” And once again we both just nodded our heads, both looking lost, like deers in some headlights.

“When did this happen?!” Lando’s hands went in the air as he stepped closer.

“Three weeks ago…” whispering I looked down at my feet.

“None of you told me that something happened. I’m supposed to be yours two friend as well. You were both my friends before each others! I should’ve been told!”

“Because that’s so important right now Lan.” Max glared at him as if he was trying to silence him with his eyes, but if anything that spurred him on more.

“It is to me. That’s just fucking unfair.”

“How is it unfair?! It was a silly drunk mistake Lando. It’s not like we’re hiding a big fucking thing from you. We aren’t together- it was one night.”

“Well Y/N is pregnant now. That’s a big thing?! It’s your baby!”

Sniffling I looked back up at Max. “It was a mistake?” I should’ve know, I somewhat did know but it still stung hearing him say the truth- maybe I was imagining what I heard that night…

Max hands came up tugging at his hair.

“Yeah it was a mistake you should’ve told me!” Lando raised his voice, throwing a tantrum like a child, foot stomping against the floor hands balled into fists.

“You both need to leave.” Turning away I went and sat down on the sofa, hands gripping the edge, trying to hold down any emotions that wanted to show.

“Leave.”

“No we need to talk about this. I can’t do this Y/N!” Max was now moving closer gesturing wildly around.

“I didn’t ask you to do anything Max. Apart from leave.”

“No I want to stay, I want to talk.”

“Talk or scream at each other?” Tilting my head I looked up at him wiping my face. “Like you said it was a stupid mistake. I can deal with it on my own. Now go.” I looked between him and Lando.

“No, I can’t be involved in this stuff Y/N. What about my career?!” Scoffing I stood back up. “Your career?! This stuff?! Two was to blame for that night not just me.” Pushing his chest slightly moving him towards the door, grabbing Lando’s arm on the way who only hissed. Shoving them both out the door, both screaming their own protest but neither stopping me from pushing them away, I went to slam it behind them, only for Max to out his foot in the way.

“We can’t do this Y/N…” it felt as if he was staring into my soul, trying to change my mind on the matter, I wasn’t going to be doing anything stupid over our “stupid mistake”.

“I can… Now leave. And neither of you speak to me… years of friendship for what? Some friends you both are.” Spitting words with venom at them both I slammed the door against Max foot before using all my body weight I pushed against his foot until it slammed shut finally. Max giving up any chance he had to change my mind.

We are going to be just fine…

A/N: So this is part one, as I felt like I was typing for ages and dragging on- it is a bit all confusing I think I had a skim read and I’m confusing myself lollll but this is going to be a little mini series I think, cause it gives me a chance to section everything I want out of this “love” story with Max.

I got the title idea from listening to ABBA 🙂 I was thinking about Max saying it to the baby or something idk we will see when we get there 🖤

Masterlist

[iamnotoriginalphil]

Hey! I love your writing. I’ve been wanting Kate Stewart fics for years now so I’m glad you started writing for her!

Could you write a Kate Stewart x Reader fic where the reader is insecure about how she looks and doesn’t feel like she’s good enough for Kate so she becomes distant and Kate gets worried, and it ends with Kate finding out why she’s been distant and ends up reassuring and comforting her?

How can I not write for her when I love her so much?

CW: self-esteem issues, boss/employee relationship, hurt/comfort, angst

You weren’t hiding. That would be childish. You’d just retreated into the quiet corner to get on with your paperwork. You had reports to write, and some labs to finish up. It was normal. Nothing odd. Nothing to raise concern.

It just also didn’t hurt that it was far enough from Kate that she couldn’t see you.

The feeling had been creeping up on you for a while now. Small things that led to the dread and anticipation sitting heavy in your stomach. Even before the entire thing had started, you’d known it was too good to be true. It was only a matter of time before Kate realised it too. 

The longer it went on, the worse it became. Every morning, rolling out of bed, staring in the mirror, the list of reasons for why Kate shouldn't be with you just grew longer. It was easy to forget when her lips turned your thoughts hazy and her hands made you forget your own name. But the cold harsh light of day just highlighted the truth.

“There you are.”

You looked up from your laptop. Kate was in the doorway, leaning one hip against the frame, arms crossed over her chest, backlit by the light in the hall. Her annoying habit of knowing every corner of the building seemed to have done you no favours. The soft glow made her look ethereal, like an angel come to save you. 

“Hi,” you said, turning your attention back to your work.

“What are you doing in here?” she asked.

“Darren kept humming and I needed some peace and quiet to get everything done,” you replied, still not looking at her.

It was only the sound of her heels clicking against the floor that let you know she was approaching you. Something soft brushed your elbow and you glanced over at her from the corner of her eye. She was sitting beside you, leaning back on the wall, legs straight out in front of her. 

“You couldn’t ask him to stop?” she asked.

“It was easier to just remove myself,” you replied, refusing to turn your head towards her.

“For who?” 

“Can we not do this right now?” you said, finally looking over to her. 

There was a grim smile on her face and she looked tired, shoulders slumped and shadows under her eyes. You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose, not able to stop yourself. It was stupid, to so obviously show your frustration when she’d come looking for you, obviously tired, and you were only adding to her plate. And yet you couldn’t help it. 

“You’ve been working a lot of late nights lately,” she said.

“I’ve been catching up on stuff,” you said.

“You’ve been staying later than me,” she said, “I didn’t know that was possible.”

“Yeah, well, my boss is a real arse,” you said, turning back to your screen.

She chuckled, leaning towards you. Her shoulder pressed into yours more firmly and you wanted to shuffle away from her but knew she’d notice. There was no hiding it behind another excuse. Nothing else to blame it on. 

Still, she must have felt you freeze.

“I know you haven’t had weeks worth of work to catch up on,” she said, voice more quiet than before, but not soft. 

“I have,” you said, “you know how much work comes with the job.”

“I feel like I’ve barely seen you. You leave before I’m up and come home after I’m asleep. When I do see you it’s like you’re not really there with me. Or we’re not talking because your mouth is otherwise engaged,” she said with a sad little huff on the end, “I’ve been missing you.”

“You know where to find me,” you said, “clearly.”

“I’ve scoured the building for you. You hardly wanted to be found,” she said.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said.

“You’re sitting in the dark.”

You sighed, closing your laptop, plunging you back into proper darkness. She took it from you, gentle as she lifted it off your lap. She put it to one side. You looked over to her, finding her already watching you. 

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” she asked.

“Nothing,” you sighed, “nothing is going on.”

“Surely you can’t expect me to believe that.”

You gritted your teeth, jaw clenching. Her fingers were soft as they brushed over the curve of your jaw, featherlight, as if she was scared to touch you. You took a deep shuddering breath in, surprised at the way your heart beat too hard, almost painfully, bruising against your ribcage. 

“Are you looking to end things with me?” she asked, voice soft as she clasped her hands in her lap again.

“What?” Your voice was sharp in the silence.

“You’ve been pushing me away for weeks now, avoiding me, hiding from me. It doesn’t take a genius to work out your issue is with me. So, will you be moving out?” she asked.

“My issue isn’t you,” you said, “you’re… perfect.”

“Well, now I know you’re lying,” she laughed.

“No, really. You’re amazing and beautiful and wonderful. I’m the one letting the side down,” you said.

“What do you mean?” she asked, shifting closer.

“I’m not amazing and beautiful and wonderful,” you said. 

“What on Earth are you talking about?” she asked, sounding a mixture of baffled and offended. Which was pretty much exactly what you didn’t want to happen. 

If you pointed out all the ways you weren't good enough for her you’d be signing your own marching orders. Once she realised there would be no chance she’d stick around with you. You had assumed she’d come to the realisation on her own. But to be the one to tell her…

You pressed the heels of your palms into your eyes until colours burst behind your eyelids. A strong grip grasped your wrists, pulling them away until you were looking into the warm brown eyes of the woman you loved.

“Talk to me, darling,” she requested, sounding heartbroken.

“You know, every morning I wake up and wonder if today will be the day you realise you can do better. If you’ll realise what I realised when we got started. That I lucked out and tricked you into thinking I was worth your time but of course I’m not. It was just a matter of you noticing too,” you said, pulling your legs up until your knees were under your chin and your arms could wrap around them. 

Her hands found yours again, ignoring the way you’d pulled out of her hold already. Her skin was warm against yours, her touch familiar. You knew the feeling of her hands better than anything else. It hurt, to be touched by her, in that moment.  

“There is nothing to notice.” Her voice was firm and it made you flinch, “or at least, not the kinds of things you’re implying.”

“You’re just saying that because you haven’t yet,” you whispered.

“Tell me.”

“Tell you what?” you asked.

“The things you think I should be noticing,” she said, keeping her voice soft, coaxing you, the way you’d seen her do in the field when she was dealing with a scared fugitive. 

“You want me to tell you all the reasons you should break up with me? Fine. Do you want them in alphabetical or chronological order?” 

“You’re being flippant,” she said, sounding less than impressed.

“Wouldn’t you be?” you demanded.

“Darling, tell me,” she requested, cupping both of your cheeks, refusing to let you out of answering.

“Look at me,” you said.

“I am,” she said.

“Then you can see it. I’m not beautiful like you. I’m not smart like you. I can’t do half of the things you can. You can do so much better than me. I’m nothing compared to you. And I think you’re so amazing and I know I can never measure up. And so yeah, maybe I’ve been a bit distant but it’s because I’m trying to make sure I’m not too hurt when you wake up and realise you can do better and end things with me.”

You watched in real time as understanding bloomed over her face. You braced, tensing with every muscle for the blow that you knew was coming. Only then her face was softening and you were sure she was going to try and be so nice about it. 

“Oh darling,” she sighed and there was the pity coming in strong.

You pushed against her shoulders, trying to get her away from you. Gasping for breath, feeling a sob bubble up in your chest, you needed room. It was too much with her right there, right in front of you, staring at you, watching you so closely there was no room for you to fall apart. 

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes,” she sighed, her thumbs running along your cheekbones.

“Stop being nice to me,” you said, snapping if not for the broken moan of pain your words turned into. 

“Not until I know you’re hearing me,” she said, “because I happen to think you’re bloody brilliant.”

You scoffed but her hands were still on your cheeks, not letting you look away from her. 

“Darling, the first time I saw you, you stole my breath. You were, and continue to be, the most beautiful person in the room. And it’s only grown more true the longer I’ve known you because I know who you are now. I’ve never seen anything that I’ve found disappointing. Unless you’ve been lying to me or hiding things from me, I think I have a pretty good sense of who you are,” she said, her voice growing firmer, the kind of voice that didn’t allow for arguments, “are you listening to me?”

You nodded, a small thing, but with her hands on you and those eyes refusing to look away there was no chance of her missing it. She lent forward again, her grip tightening.

“You are what I want in every possible way. There is no part of you I don’t want. I am proud to have you by my side and more than that, I’m proud to love and be loved by you,” she said, “I apologise if my actions or words have ever made you believe otherwise. Hear me now. You are beautiful, and wonderful, and everything I have ever wanted.”

Her fingers brushed away the tears as they fell until they came too fast to catch them all. Your arms were still around your knees, a barrier from her body and yet the strong steady warmth of her palms was seeping in where they met your cheeks. Your chin dipped towards your chest, not wanting her to watch as you fell apart, spine pressed into the wall, shrinking back even as she stared at you, drinking in every moment. 

“You’re only saying that because you don’t realise-” you tried to say.

“I do. I do realise. I see you. All of you in your entirety. I have seen every single part of you including your flaws, and I still choose you. Every moment of every day I’m choosing you. You’re the one I want. The only one I want,” she said, interrupting you before you could begin again. 

Her hand slipped from your cheek and she pressed closer, her hand on your knees, pushing them down until she could get as close as possible without being in your lap. Your own hands were twisting together and you couldn’t look at her. If you did you were worried it would crack you open, leaving you a vulnerable mess in front of her, ripe for the hurting. 

“Darling, I can’t do better than you. You’re it,” she said.

You were slow to drag your gaze back up to her, finding her already broken open in front of you. Her own words had splayed her skin back, showing you her beating heart, waiting for your soft touch to stitch her back together. Reaching out, a trembling hand crossing the distance, your fingertips brushed over her lips, whisper soft. She caught your hand, pressing it more insistently to her mouth as she kissed your fingertips, your palm, the pulse point in your wrist. 

“I love you so much,” you whispered on broken breath.

“That’s a relief,” she said with a small smile, “I was hoping after my little speech you wouldn’t turn me away.”

“I could never,” you said.

And then you were falling forward into her arms, letting her catch you. Her arms curled around your body, gathering you close, surrounding you in every way. Your face pressed into her shoulder and she let the tears soak into the fabric of her blazer. Hand splayed between your shoulder blades, the other on the small of your back, she kept you pressed against her and a part of you wondered if she needed you to steady her as much as you needed her. 

“I love you, darling,” she murmured in your ear.

You sought out her lips, blind in your need. She sighed into your mouth, her hand coming up to cradle the back of your head, fingers threading through your hair. You did what she hadn’t and climbed into her lap, not caring you were at work or that someone could walk in. You just wanted to sink into her, to let her knit you back together into a person. 

“Please don’t pull away from me anymore,” she whispered, her lips brushing against yours, “please.”

“I won’t,” you promised, mumbling into her mouth, “I won’t.”

It was soft and slow, both of you taking your time now you knew you had the rest of your life. There was no hurry, just the feeling of needing to know she was with you and wasn’t leaving. She held you tight, keeping you pressed to her, as if trying to absorb you into her being. You would let her, if it was possible.

“We should go home, darling,” she said, drawing back just far enough to share breath, “I think you’ve put in enough late nights to make your boss happy.”

“Can we get a take away?” you asked.

“Of course we can,” she said, gently pushing some hair behind your ear, “as long as we can also take a long hot bath afterwards.”

“That sounds nice.”

You clambered off her lap, helping her to her feet. Her arm looped around your waist, keeping you close, as if worried you’d do a runner if she didn’t. You pressed yourself to her side, not wanting to stray too far from her either. 

You were never going to stray far from her again.

[waynewifey]

aporia — b.w

part one : dear mr. wayne

part two: aftermath

part three: aporia

epilogue

sumary: aporia suggests “an impasse”, a knot or an inherent contradiction found in any text, an insuperable deadlock, or “double bind” of incompatible or contradictory meanings which are “undecidable”. [reference]

pairing: battinson/bruce wayne x reader

genre: drama & romance

warnings: mental health struggle, miscarriage, car crash, a lot of internal dialogue

word count: 2k

A/N: the more i write, the more i put myself in this story. i feel like this ‘you’ is so complex i can’t help but try to explain her further. part four will be bruce’s perspective on all of this + an epilogue. i’m so grateful for the amazing feedback given on the last two parts and for the new followers, thank you so so much. i hope you enjoy this. (also this gif??? HELLO???)

GOTHAM. USA.

— bargaining.

the uncomfortable silence makes you want to scream. she told you that was a normal reaction and they couldn't get rid of those moments, they were essential for your self reflection. the problem was being alone with your thoughts, even for just one minute. they keep deciding you won't recover any time soon. everyone keeps holding you like a cracked vase. even negligence was better than being put under the microscope.

"i don't know what you want me to say" you respond, your gaze anxiously shuffling between the objects in the room. the woman's eyes, however, don't ever leave your face. she holds that journal like a scientist analysing a mutation. like you're some weird thing.

"you should say whatever you feel like saying." that's what she always answers. dr. quinn was extremely stoic, even for a therapist. you still liked her, though, because her pragmatic approach helped you shift your point of view and see yourself from an outside perspective, which made you want to help yourself. after weeks of feeling extra irritable, still trying to forgive your husband for lying to you, you realised maybe everything was too much for you to handle by yourself. you wanted to go back to the real world but before that, you had to do this. a quick chat with your psychiatrist and he gave you the contact to harley quinn.

"i think i've been way too mean to bruce" your confession has her nodding, like that observation had been made sessions before and she was waiting for you to realise that. "he's been so supportive and helpful, but sometimes words just fly out of my mouth and i don't even mean them"

"do you think it's easier to blame him than to come to terms with what actually happened?" you can't answer, because this was all you've asked yourself lately. you were a coward, hiding behind his suffering to prevent confronting yours. it's easy to curse him, to reject him, but it's not what you want to do. lately it feels like you don't have any control over your emotions and actions. you thought maybe if you pushed away the last person that still cared for you, you could disappear in your loneliness and finally stop hurting. "y/n you've been through something terrible. the kind of thing we never think it's gonna happen to us. i know it doesn't feel real, but you have to face it that it is. the thing about trauma... you have to keep living with it. you have to keep going, because it doesn't go away. but this is your life and you don't get to stay on standby. you hurt the people you love because it's better than hurting yourself. you told me you feel bad about it, so why won't you change?"

why won't you? you don't even know where to start. it felt comfortable living in sorrow forever. horrible, but comfortable. again, it was in fact easier to blame him than to accept this was reality. but he's right outside, been waiting for you for two hours, as he has done twice a week for over a month. you weren't being fair to him. he didn't deserve this. dr. quinn sees the defeat in your eyes and sighs in a mission accomplished type of breath.

"think about this, okay? we'll talk on friday." you nod, as if you weren't already overthinking it.

bruce sees you before listening to you. he's created the habit to stay in the waiting room with headphones in, blasting loud music. he didn't want you to feel like he was prying on you. he also didn't want to listen anything you had to say about him. you had the right to be mad at him, given everything that had happened. he knew you didn't mean it when you bomb dropped the word 'divorce' every now and then. it would take you some time to get back to normal and he wouldn't rush you.

you walk to the car quietly and get into the driver's seat. he agreed to let you drive to and from therapy. the office was actually in dr. quinn's house, a little bit on the country side of the city, if you could call it that. it was a 50 minute drive with no traffic, roads empty enough for you to drift off in you thoughts. he watches you drive, eyes brightening up a little more everyday. he realised that trying to shield you from the world wasn't going to work out. you need to learn how to be on your own. he needs to learn how to care for you while away.

"i'm sorry," you caught him off guard, observing the curves of your face. he frowns at the unexplained sentence. you glance at him but look back at the road. "for the way i've been acting. for pushing you away. for being too complicated. i know you're trying to help… thank you for staying."

"darling, of course. for better or for worse, remember? i'm never leaving you. we're getting through this, together. and don't you worry about me, i'll be okay when you are too, alright? you're doing great, i can see how much you're working towards it." he holds out a hand for you and you take it, intertwining your fingers. his calloused palms are softer now, courtesy of the months without batman-ing. they still embrace yours entirely and warm the cold tips of your fingers.

"i love you" the sweetness of that feeling dominates your tastebuds and it's almost like the day you started dating. that innocent type of love that consist of the pure enjoyment of each others company. however, your attempt to savour the moment is ruined by a shape in your peripheral eyesight.

"i love you too" bruce's voice is muffled by the anxious thoughts taking over your mind. the panic starts to overflow. he notices your body getting stiff and the wheel looking loose on your hand. your breathing lost it's rhythm to creaking gasps. there's something wrong. your eyes are frozen in a vehicle. he's seen this van before. maybe not this one, but an identical one, in a security camera tape in court. it looks exactly like the one that took you. "baby, hey, hey. i'm right here." you don't pay any mind to the man beside you. you can't, not when your instincts are telling you to run. not when you can feel the gun getting knocked on your head over and over again. bruce is saying something. the tears are blurring your sight. this is too much.

he's calling you screaming at this point, tears are rolling down your cheeks and you still haven't looked away from the van. there's a bump coming up, the car is dangerously fast and you're not driving at all. he goes for the wheel but isn't quick enough. the tires wiggle, going in their own direction. the car changes lanes, getting in the wrong way of the street. another car is coming and the impact isn't light. your head is thrown forwards, the airbag covering your face. the windshield shatters and little pieces of glass get stuck in your hair. the crash isn't too bad, you're both still awake and only the front has been smashed. but you get out hyperventilating, falling onto the ground and weeping.

bruce gets out as well, only a scratch on the forehead. he has to kneel on the dirt to hold you up. for a while, he doesn't say anything. the other driver is standing, phone in the ear. he's also fine. the cars were the only damage. two other drivers stop by, offering help. you wish he could help you, but it seems as if there's something inherently wrong with you.

— depression.

the weeks following the accident were harsh. it took a while to get you believing in recovery again. you still weren't sure. somehow there was press at the site, so pictures of you crying next to a car crash made it to the papers. there's minor commentary online about you faking it for your husbands popularity. most of the netizens feel desperately sorry for you and have painted you to be their new princess diana, the comparison seems wild to you.

you only go online every three days or so, because you can't resist the urge to know what bruce hasn't been telling you. jokes on you, he's actually been a lot more transparent lately. you agreed that the batman would show up to the sentence of edward nashton, to pressure the jury with his presence. it worked and the criminal got life without parole. the lawyers said that your public presence impacted on his trial, as 20 years was the standard. you were just glad he wouldn't do that to anybody else ever again. the case got national and your family from outside the state, that you not-so-kindly kept in the dark, started making contact, victimising you all over again.

but things were getting better, gradually. it had been almost a year and it felt like that chapter of your life was finally being finished. you were trying to get your life back, including your driver's license. it was suspended for a while after the accident, so now you had to submit a bunch of medical records to prove that you were mentally fine to drive again. that's how you found yourself in bruce's home office, searching everywhere for your documents. you could've asked him where he put it, but he had just fallen asleep in the living room and you didn't want to disturb him.

in one of the desk's drawers, you find a folder with the local hospital logo on it. you open it, shuffling through the papers you've seen before. only one stands out, with "ob/gyn" on the top of the sheet. you wonder if there's anything helpful there. your eyes start reading the words one by one, listing the examinations they've done on you. the subject changes abruptly.

the ultrasound analysis reports the miscarriage of an unknown pregnancy to the patient's spouse.

you feel like you're about to throw up. the world starts spinning as you force yourself to continue to read.

the fetus was estimated to be in the development stage of the beginning of the second trimester. the miscarriage was most likely a result of several mechanical trauma. dilation and curettage was performed with the patient in a medically induced coma.

you try to remember to breathe in and breathe out just like dr. quinn taught you. you expect the tears but they don't come out. the panic doesn't come. it's suddenly so quiet. it's not like a hole has been punched through your chest, it's like you have no chest at all. it's like you don't even exist. you somehow sit down, your body does. you feel as if it's moving on it's own and you're just watching from afar. your thoughts sound so distant, so irrelevant. you can only think of the baby that had once been inside of you and you didn't even realised. you didn't have the time to love him. you've had him there, right there, the thing you wanted the most in the world and he was taken from you. everything was taken from you.

if a tree falls on a forest, and there's no one around to hear, does it still make a sound? it felt like your fall was silent.

[fiveredlights]

extended author's note for The DAUD

ah The DAUD. what is there to say about The DAUD. first time i’ve fallen out of my chair whilst writing actually. had a great bruise on my thigh for a fortnight and my head hurt for a day and i did blame benjamin.  

the many drafts of The DAUD

so originally The DAUD was just going to be the opening scene, straight to season launch, straight to the race and then the closing scene. which would’ve taken place at a mcdonald’s carpark mind you. 

daniel was admittedly much less depressed, much less anxious, but as i got to writing i just couldn’t ignore everything to do with [Redacted Race & Team] and obviously benjamin’s presence forced my hand and i just couldn’t pretend that daniel was all happy smiley sunshine etc. 

any reminders of f1, and i would feel another wave of grief hit me. it would happen again and again and again and all this grief and sadness would start to build up as anger and i don’t know where to place all the grief and sadness and anger. 

i had a lot of cues to drive all these big things and honestly like 99.9% just came from the haha in daniel’s post. like. maybe the overarching thesis of this whole fic is how much can one four letter word ruin my life and the answer is A LOT! 

the 0.01% is me feeling just so tired of f1 now. exhausted. wrung out. i hate change, and i know fear of it will not make it stop, but seeing everything and everyone move on so easily gutted my little heart out. i got so irrationally angry at the people who wanted daniel to do this, or that, etc because all that lingered in the background of my mind was the haha. if i devoted basically my whole life to a sport that turned on me and started hating me, i would devote myself to absolutely nothing for the rest of my life. which is maybe also why daniel really struggles with max’s presence. 

to him, it is only time before max turns around and starts hating him, just like the sport did. difficult to devote, when all they do is leave. 

weirdly i feel like this is some sort of spiritual successor of i’ll never leave (never mind) even though the max/daniel relationship are in two different places, but the daniel’s themselves are obviously similar. INLNM daniel ends the fic with hiding how he’s feeling, DAUD daniel starts the fic with him hiding how he’s feeling, until we slowly start to descend into the Snap Point. 

one draft had actually social media bits in it but that was quickly abandoned after i realised my university kicked me out of the adobe plan (which is so rude considering how much money i pay them every year) and i didn’t want to do the text version because it would break immersion—i’d already introduced the wikipedia page the chapter before. 

(but apparently i did write a text only version so that’ll be down there someone.) 

benjamin (and julian) 

here’s the thing. i have so many notes everywhere that express my bitter hatred towards benjamin. hated him. he was genuinely the most unwieldy character to write and i thought that about matthew. freudian slip. 

i would say it wasn’t until the last week, until i wrote the scene where he reheats the food for max i was like wait. actually. maybe you aren’t so bad. then he left and i was like maybe i do miss you.

(then i wrote the epilogue and i didn’t miss him at all.)

benjamin was originally called jaxson, but once julian came into play, jaxson was changed into benjamin and the rest is history. julian’s identity actually wasn’t meant to be revealed in the fic at all, not until the epilogue but benjamin just couldn’t keep his mouth shut. benjamin is somehow the worst and best secret keeper ever.

my favourite scene does go to him though. when max stabs his salad in the exact same way benjamin did earlier. my little heart goes and falls off a cliff. so endeared by these silly little guys and their silly little traits. 

daniel and the very unreliable narration

the thing is i don’t even know if they’re like dating by the end of it. they’re like 75% of the way there and the last 25% is just for them. if you asked max he would probably be like “yeah we’re together???” and if you asked daniel it would be “we’re working our way towards it” — but i think max knows that and they’re just taking it day by day. they have time. 

i knew i wanted to write his depression and his anxiety in a very specific way aka the way i know because it is easier to write what you know but i did *try* to focus on the physicality of it? i’m wording this horribly, but honestly a little bit for my own emotional stability and sanity, i needed daniel to zone in on the physical aspects vs the emotional. 

(look i was already opening a bag of worms writing about anxiety and depression—i too thought i had kept my own shit locked, loaded, thrown out the key, hashtag very good with everything, hashtag love and light, but with the amount of times i cried whilst writing this i’m not too sure.)

i actually don't know where i'm going with this. moving on.

random in universe lore drops

benjamin and julian drove for italian teams in f2/f3, julian for PREMA and benjamin for Trident. i don’t think julian’s with any driver academies right now, a free agent if you will.

there was a planned subplot where there was only two beds for three people because grace had stolen the third bed from daniel’s house for one of their relatives staying and never gave it back (there was no relative she was trying to reverse parent trap them)

this was deleted because they somehow ended up in one bed anyway. at this point i am 3 for 3 in max and daniel somehow ending up in one bed. okay i didn’t plan for it to happen it just happened! 

when daniel and max have children, they have two twin girls name jemima and julianne :)

easter eggs

because it wouldn’t be a FRL-fic if i didn’t refer to my other children at least once! 

the blue sweater max throws at daniel is the same blue sweater he stole/is wearing during their veranda-sunrise scene in glitter on the floor prequel -> daniel is wearing it this time during their balcony-night time scene :) 

julian’s favourite cowboy song is cowboy like me, famously sung by takes one to know one daniel to max. not too much on CLM benjamin… do you KNOW how important that song is to max and daniel in that universe? (also originally they were throwing phones at each other before i cut it out because we gotta tone them down)

know in my heart i wanted the cats quentin and ziggy to either be gary and steve OR matthew and callan. gary and steve i could’ve probably got away with, but matthew and callan are just too blatant. but know deep in my heart i wanted it to be them. 

the enchante collection daniel and max go through is very vaguely intended to be the Enchanté x MV33 collection from old habits, but obviously without the MV33. 

the social media deleted bits

(originally LL was still in RB and benjamin was going to finish in P10. but i decided that even fictional RB doesn’t deserve anything good, so no points for you!) 

Formula 1 F1 · 17 Feb

The wait is almost over for the biggest F1 launch event ever 🙌

F1 75 Live at The 02 is happening tomorrow! With livery reveals from all 10 teams, interviews with drivers and team principals, it’s an unmissable event 🤩

(Keep an eye out at the 2025 DAUD reveal… we heard it’s a big name 👀)

#F1 #F175Live

129 replies 482 reposts 8,291 likes

Visa Cash App Racing Bulls VisaCashAppRB ·  17 Feb

1️⃣ MORE SLEEP 😴

Who else is ready to see our 2025 livery and meet our DAUD  🙋

[Photo: The car underneath a black sheet, the lights dimmed out.]

12 replies 11 reposts 328 likes

—

ric3stappen

place your bets on who the DAUD will be this year. i’m thinking alternate fernando finally found a way to bribe the FIA and we’ll finally get some like weird twin driver thing this year

#truly it’s what we deserve #what’s the point of using the DAUD program if you aren’t going to have any fun with it 

392 notes

jeanie 🤠 COTADANIEL ·17 Feb

the funniest option ever would be another daniel being the DAUD

12 replies 19 reposts 282 likes

jeanie 🤠 COTADANIEL · 17 Feb

Replying to COTADANIEL

i say funny but i honestly might just start crying like i’m still not doing emotionally well

4 replies 0 reposts 98 likes

F175 Live at The 02 — 2025 F1 Season Launch

532K watching Started 55 min ago #F1…more

F1 10.8M

[00:55:33]

A lift below the stage rises to reveal the Racing Bull’s car, Yuki Tsunoda and Isack Hadjar. The car slides forward, as both drivers walk around waving at the crowd. The lift rises again to Benjamin walking out.

—

maxielupdates

am i hallucinating 

38 notes

tris ☘️ THREETHREETHREE · 17 Feb

I’M SO SORRY DID YOU SAY RICCIARDO ?!

8 replies 58 reposts 283 likes

bigriccenergy

like daniel ricciardo… that ricciardo… what the fuck

#what in the DANIEL CURSE IS HAPPENING

128 notes

jeanie 🤠 COTADANIEL · 17 Feb

i have started crying for those keeping track i did mean it when i said i am emotionally unwell

2 replies 0 reposts 12 likes

—

[Photo: Benjamin standing in front of the car, with his arms crossed. 36 is his driver’s number.]

Liked by maxverstappen1 and others

visacashapprb You did hear that right, introducing the DAUD for the 2025 season is none other than Benjamin Ricciardo 👏

Read more at the 🔗in our bio.

View all 12,382 comments

matthewevca As in Daniel Ricciardo’s son or ??????????

23 February

—

jake 381racers · 23 Feb

So I guess this technically means that Max has driven against a Ricciardo in every single year of his F1 career so far still

5 replies 1 reposts 192 likes 

kadey danyellricciardo · 23 Feb

Replying to 381racers

i love that this is your first thought 

1 replies 0 reposts 21 likes

jake 381racers · 23 Feb

Replying to danyellricciardo

It has to be otherwise suddenly I’m at Milton Keynes and Faenza with lighter fluid and matches

0 replies 9 reposts 59 likes

verstappenricciardo

do you think that benjamin tried to go back to his universe after finding out what red bull did to daniel here or

#that or he's going to crash the car at every possible point to really fuck with the costcap and i would support him#wait i just had an awful thought what if his daniel also went through what we went through NOOOOOO #guys i have to believe that one universe out there is just beautiful and we got what we wanted again so delete that thought

842 notes

—

danielricciardo 36m

[Photo: Daniel and Benjamin sitting next to each other, attempting to mirror each other.

Text reads: Seeing (almost) double 👨👨]

—

tris ☘️ THREETHREETHREE · 24 Feb

literally fell out my chair seeing that IG story like how does one process this

3 replies 7 reposts 48 likes

—

F1TV: 2025 PRE SEASON TESTING DAY 1

Will BUXTON: Now is probably a good time as ever to talk about the Australian sized elephant sitting in the Racing Bulls garage, this year’s Designated Alternate Universe Driver is Benjamin Ricciardo. Some of you at home might be new to the sport, you might have heard of Ricciardo before, but Laura just talk us through the significance of the DAUD program and Benjamin Ricciardo being in the Racing Bulls.

Laura WINTER: Absolutely, so for those new to the sport, welcome, we’re glad to have you. Every year the sport welcomes a driver from another universe, otherwise known as the DAUD, they arrive for pre-season testing and complete the first race of the season before going back to their universe. The DAUD program was introduced as a way for teams to potentially become more competitive depending on where their DAUD came from, and it’s just a really interesting way to challenge teams up and down the grid. Teams work on a rotation depending on the last number of the year, so since it is 2025, Racing Bulls have the pleasure of hosting the DAUD who ended up being Benjamin Ricciardo.

BUXTON: It’s not a coincidence if you are recognising the Ricciardo name, he is related to Daniel Ricciardo, he is in fact Daniel’s son. But not the Daniel that we currently know, the whole alternate universe can start to confuse people.

WINTER: I find that if you try and not to think about it then it actually makes more sense. But obviously the timing of everything given the past season with Daniel leaving Racing Bulls midway through the season for Liam Lawson, who now has Daniel’s kid as his teammate for one race is probably not what anyone expected coming into the season. 

BUXTON: I have to assume that it’s probably a little bit awkward in that garage, for everyone involved. I’ve been told that Daniel is not in Bahrain to watch Benjamin, but we’ll see whether he shows up in Melbourne. It is his home race, for both Benjamin and Daniel.

WINTER: We’re in early stages of testing, so I’m interested to see how Benjamin will fare. He does also have that time difference to fare with, I believe he also did travel back twenty years as well as hopping universes, so I can only assume Daniel gave him a bunch of tips on how to drive the car. 

—

ric3stappen 

me clocking in to watch all three days of testing even though i vowed to never give a single fuck about the sport ever again 

#you put daniel’s son in front of me and you tell me you’re also not watching him every time he races… c’mon

verstappenricciardo

omg they gave benjamin pierre hamelin maybe all is right with the world

#i would put money that pierre LEPT at the opportunity #every race last year with lawson he sounded done you know he misses daniel 

bigriccenergy 

please tell me you guys saw that video of max watching benjamin in the garage GOD MY HEART

#and why is he filming?? omg is he filming for daniel #im gonna go lay down

jake 381racers 

why max verstappen jet in perth? max verstappen in perth? why max verstappen jet not in melbourne? max verstappen visiting daniel ricciardo? 

deuxmoi 3hr

[Sent via form submission from Deuxmoi

Pseudonyms, Please: Thrice is Nice

Email: thriceisnice@/gmail.com

Subject: Third wheeling

Message: Max Verstappen seen at Perth arrivals airport this morning (around 3:30am). Was with Benjamin as well, Daniel and his mum picked them up from arrivals hall—the two former teammates looking veryyyyyy cosy. Almost too cosy. Make of that what you will.

Text overlayed: For my F1 enjoyers 👀]

—

maxielupdates 

look deuxmoi is like the gossips of all gossips, BUT we do know max is in perth. so. make of that what you will. 

#subject line being third wheeling…so interesting

tris

hold on… max is in perth… with benjamin… and daniel … and his family… there’s something there but i’ll be shot into the sun if i say it 

ric3stappen 

ASK: have you seen this: tumblr maxielupdates post

my favourite sentence is the too cozy one because for normal people i assume it just means like a long hug but for these two social norms have and will always continue to be broken so i just assume they were like holding a staring contest in the middle of the terminal or something idk

#i can imagine them just 👁️👁️ across the terminal and people around them being like wtf 

20 notes

—

F1 Press Conference

Drivers: Max VERSTAPPEN (Red Bull), Benjamin RICCIARDO (Racing Bulls), Oscar PIASTRI (McLaren) 

Q: Benjamin, seeing as you’re new to the grid for this race, we’ll start with you. It must feel exciting coming into this as our DAUD for the 2025 season, just talk us through how this past month has been for you?

Benjamin RICCIARDO: It’s definitely been hectic, like the second I stepped out it was such an immediate change than what I’m used to, even just being twenty or so years back than the time period I’m used to, let alone being in a completely different universe, but it’s been cool. You know how parents are always like “back in my day…” type of things and we would be like “yeah whatever” as a kid, but I actually now get to experience it, which is crazy. Obviously things aren’t you know a one for one recreation of my parents lives, but it’s pretty similar.

Q: Speaking of your parents, it would be remiss not to bring them up. How do you feel coming into the DAUD program being related to Daniel?

BR: There are like four people in this room who are ready to throw water at me if I say too much, but the DAUDs being related to F1 drivers isn’t exactly a new concept. I think you guys had one of Lewis’ or Rosberg’s kids a couple years back—I don’t exactly remember—but I think it’s probably just… let’s say the timing of everything that’s probably assisted in it being a bigger deal than it needs to be. 

Q: You mention the timing of everything, there must be some awkwardness within the team given who you are and what happened to Daniel in the previous season?

BR: I feel like a lot of people forget that all the DAUDs are crosschecked so that we don’t exist in this current universe. Like, it can be weird to think about, but Daniel here obviously didn’t have a baby last year, so there’s no physical way that I could exist here. So yes, whilst technically he is my dad, he’s not. Daniel here is like my bonus dad, in a weird alternate universe–twin way. I’m obviously aware of what happened here, but I can’t really speak too much about what unfortunately happened between Daniel here and the team. I think it’s pretty ******* stupid what happened, but you know, hopefully I’ll be able to make him proud with what I’ll do here. Honestly, I just came here to race. I didn’t realise there would be so many questions!

Max VERSTAPPEN: I think in this universe you are holding the wrong names and passport! 

BR: You know that the other ones would cause even more questions.

Q: What do you mean by that Benjamin?

BR: I would love to tell you, but unless the memory wiping machines from Men In Black suddenly existed, I’m contractually obligated to say absolutely nothing. Maybe you’ll find out in like thirty three years, who knows. Is that when the statute of limitations are up?

—

kadey danyellricciardo · 

now i know why they haven’t let benjamin do any press until his race, he’s like three seconds away from saying FUCK THOSE NDAs 😭

ric3stappen

i have questions. so many questions. but apparently i won’t find out until 2058. 

#such a specific number benjamin… what do you know #max… what do you know

tris THREETHREETHREE

literally rotating between i want benjamin to score points but also not wanting him to score points because i want that team to fucking burn to the ground

maxielupdates

Full post race radio between Benjamin and Pierre: 

That is P10, P10 Benjamin. Excellent, excellent, excellent. Some very good driving, especially at the end with the attacking. You should be very pleased with yourself. 

That was fun! I scared myself at the end with the dive down, but we made it stick so that’s all that matters. Probably scared you guys as well!

You have been wonderful to work with over pre-season testing and this race weekend, your feedback has always been so concise and clear, and I speak for everyone in the garage that you are clearly a very talented driver, we wish you all the best for whatever comes when you go back home. And I was about to say that you got another point for fastest lap, but no we do not do that now. But still, one point is very good!

Thank you, you’ve been great to work with Pierre and everyone in the garage. I'll print this radio message out and get you guys to sign it when I go back home as my references, haha. I’m happy to leave the fastest lap award for Daniel, I think that one will always be his. Where did Max finish?

Max finished in P1, managed to pass Oscar on the last lap. Enjoy the final cool down lap Benjamin, and P0 when you pull into the pitlane and switch off the car.

Copy. Thank you guys. 

#pierre now misses not one but two ricciardos… free my guy #i love benjamin he just says whatever without a care in the world like how do you know about the ricciardo rule 

219 notes

jake 

What happens if we just didn’t send Ben back. Just kept him for the rest of the season. Then what. 

bigriccenergy

ALEXA PLAY SILVER SPRINGS BECAUSE BOY WILL TIME CASTS A SPELL BUT YOU WON’T FORGET ME I KNOW I COULD HAVE LOVED YOU BUT YOU WOULD NOT LET ME AND I’LL FOLLOW YOU DOWN TIL THE SOUND OF MY VOICE WILL HAUNT YOU GUYS YOU’LL NEVER GET AWAY FROM THE SOUND OF THE WOMAN THAT LOVES YOU (AND YES YOU WERE A FOOL)

#you can kill him. but maybe the universe will work in mysterious ways and send his son to humble you. #and that is hashtag love and light folks. #you can reshape the narrative how ever you want but the truth will persist and i think that is beautiful #you’ll never get away baby never get away 😝

281 notes

—

ric3stappen

okay now that i presume benjamin is long gone back to his own universe i can finally say it: do you guys think that benjamin isn’t just a ricciardo…. he’s a ricciardo-verstappen… because to me he honestly looks more like max than he does daniel… i can not be the only one who sees this

#like i’m not kidding go look at photos from australia where it’s three of them and pull your focus to look past the hair and the nose #i can’t be the only one seriously 

3,633 notes