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trippinsorrows · 4 months ago

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with me + part twenty

authors note: this is more on the boring/filler side, and i apologize for that, but it covers some necessary things and hints at other things. plus, the one after this is wrestlemania and then after that is the infamous disney trip, and those def won't be boring/fillers. 👀

also, what do you ya'll think reader is having? i'm also open to name suggestions cause i hate naming characters lmao

status: in progress // masterlist

warnings: fluff, language, angst, and suggestive themes

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

faceclaims

words: 6.6k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @yolobloggers @wanderingreigns @southerngirl41 @msbigredmachine @romanreignsbae

Life is one crazy ass ride.

You’ve always known this, but the past few months have really shown you just how insane things can be. It’s been up, it’s been down, it’s been just a fucking rollercoaster of events and emotions, but somehow, things always seen to work out in your favor.

You expected, maybe more so hoped, that your Live with Jadah would go over well. Would help people see and understand that there’s so much more to the story, so much more to you than the lies that have been fed to them by your apparently psychotic ex-best friend. That was the semi-goal.

Well, to say that goal was met is a bit of an understatement.

The Live went viral, spreading and making it to most global and some international platforms. TMZ formally issued an apology to you, Joe, and Jadah, and retracted their story with Mariah, even scrubbing the interview, which Joe’s legal team believes is only to avoid getting caught up in the several lawsuits she’s been slapped with.

So many publications have turned the tide, no longer speaking on you and your situation with an almost judgmental stance but rather just reposting the Live and letting the facts speak for themselves.

And social media…..holy shit.

One thing you never expected was for the Live to go viral, but you especially never expected for yourself to also go viral in a different way, that is.

While the general public was initially against you, bashing you every which way to Sunday, it’s almost completely turned with the vast majority now utterly and wholly intrigued with you. They’ve dug up old headshots from when you cheered in college, clips of you either practicing or competing, and a few Snap videos you were in, again, all during your college years.

Not to mention the clips they took from the Live, primarily of you playfully twerking with Jadah. That clipped with the TikToks you did with Naomi has resulted in people making TikToks and “edits,” as Alexis explained, posting and sharing everywhere.

Apparently, the vast majority of social media finds you extremely attractive, and have even been comparing you to the infamous prison bae, Jeremy Meeks, from way back when. Minus the criminal aspects, of course.

“Look at this one! These are my favorite.” Alexis turns her phone so the group of you can see what is yet another edit of you, err, more so your ass than anything to good googly moogly by Project Pat, which apparently was already going viral on TikTok as people post videos of friends and loved ones with a nice ass. Seems you’ve been added to that group.

“I don’t get the fascination,” you admit with a shake of your hand, fingers tapping against your glass of lemonade. “Like, I’m not even famous.”

“You kinda are now,” Bianca suggests. It's a crazy suggestion, too, because in what world does someone like you, from a small ass town with virtually no major social media footprint, qualify as famous. “Not like, A-List celeb famous, but you don’t make it to the Shade Room if you’re not at least kinda famous.”

Alexis makes a sound, adding, “ya’ll whole lil situation made the March event on their calendar.”

“On their what?” Jadah is understandably confused, asking, “what the hell does that even mean?”

“Twin, I’m gonna need to make a PowerPoint for you or something.”

“Please do, and make sure to add the fancy transitions.”

“Custom slide backgrounds?”

“You know the key to my heart.”

The meeting and union of Jadah and Alexis remains to be seen as one of the worst or best things you could have ever done. They’re so damn similar it felt almost criminal to not introduce them, but with both having such strong personalities, a clash could be one of the titans. So far, however, they’re vibing just as well as you and Jadah have. Hence why all of these ladies are sitting around your coffee table, various drinks in hand, most alcoholic, except for yours of course.

Which reminds you…

“Oh shit,” you announce, four sets of eyes falling on you as you realize you haven’t shared the news with the majority of them, ironically, Jadah being the only one to know. “I haven’t had a chance to ask.”

You decide to be dramatic as hell, pausing as Alexis is the first to say, impatiently, “ask what, hoe?”

Another pause followed by an intentional rub of your belly as you nonchalantly ask, “which one of ya’ll wants to be in charge of planning the baby shower?”

You’re met with instant screams and squeals of enjoyment, a big smile falling on your face as you’re hit with all of the questions and exclamations.

“I knew it! I knew it was just a matter of time before BDJ struck again!”

“Y/N! Oh my goodness, congratulations!”

“No freaking way! That’s amazing!”

“I’m gonna act like I didn’t already know, so congratulations, great value sister wife!”

Alexis and Jadah’s statements make you laugh while Bianca and Kaylah’s cause your heart to swell. You then try to quiet them down, “thank you, guys. We’re excited. But, we haven’t told Callie yet, so please keep it to yourselves.”

“Of course.” Kaylah excitedly asks, “how far along are you?”

“Almost three months,” you answer, proudly. Although entirely unexpected, or maybe not depending on how you look at it, you’ve found your excitement at this pregnancy growing every single day. Excitement at having another child, giving Callie the chance to be a big sister, to give Joe the opportunity to experience this pregnancy with you from conception to birth and beyond. He deserves it, especially now that you know what he went through with Jadah.

“Wait. Damn. This means we can’t have a hot girl summer until next year!” Alexis is pouting as she downs the rest of her drink before reaching for the bottle to get a refill. “You couldn’t let that nigga shoot up the club later this fall instead.”

Kaylah’s nose turns up as she also takes a sip of her moscato but not before muttering, “didn’t need that visual.”

Rolling your eyes, you point out, “Alexis, we are too damn old to be having a hot girl summer. Half of us are moms and/or in relationships except your non-committal ass.”

Non-committal has nothing to do with the topic that floats to the front of your mind, but having a room full of women to consult with seems like a perfect opportunity to discuss something that’s still bothering you to some extent.

“Let me ask ya’ll something.” You take a sip of your sparkling apple cider and get to explaining. “So, every time I try to talk to Joe about planning for when the baby gets here, like having my mom or his mom come stay with us a bit to help out when he’s on the road, he either ignores me, changes the subject, or just pacifies me. And I’m trying really hard not to cuss him out, but between baby emotions and me being me, it’s hard.”

Being perceptive is always something you’ve prided yourself on, valued as one of your attributes, so it’s hard not to miss when Kaylah, Alexis, and even Jadah all look suddenly uncomfortable with your question, like they also want to change the subject.

Bianca is the first and only to speak out.

“Yeah, that’s kind of weird.” Her agreement is the quintessential example of validation you were needing for this situation. “I get you’re barely three months, but why not start with the plans now? The sooner the better since it seems like his schedule is pretty hectic.”

Throwing your hands up in the air, you echo her sentiments. “Exactly! And one thing to know about me, which I know he has to know about me is that I like to plan. I hate surprises. We need to start figuring out this shit now.”

“I’d definitely talk to him about it, cause men can be very go with the flow, but this isn’t one of those things that I think should be go with the flow.”

“I feel like you should maybe just wait it out and see where the cards fall.” Kaylah’s suggestion is casual, but her eye contact is sparse, and you actually don’t know what to make of that.

Jadah contributes to the conversation with agreement to Kaylah’s point. “I agree. Trust your man, whore.”

“But—” And as if present and overhearing said conversation, your phone starts to ring, the man himself filling up your lock screen. “Speaking of the devil…..” You lift and show your phone to the group. “I gotta take this ya’ll.”

“Well, duh.” Alexis says like it’s a no brainer. “BDJ probably won’t stop calling until you pick up anyway.”

Laughing, you untangle your legs and climb off the sofa at the same time you answer his FaceTime, quickly telling him, “hold on.”

“I’ll be back,” you inform, but the last thing you hear is Bianca making the awful mistake of asking Alexis what “BDJ” stands for. Alexis and Jadah start to laugh.

Obviously, Jadah also knows what’s up.

Locking the door behind you, you sit down on the patio set that was delivered only two days prior and situate your phone on the accompanying table. Legs crossed, you give him the go, “okay, i’m good now. Just wanted some privacy.”

He doesn’t hesitate to slide right into protective papa bear mode. “How you feeling?”

“Alright.” Your hand unintentionally lands on your stomach as you explain, “had some nausea this morning, but that’s not out of the norm. I had pretty bad morning sickness when I was pregnant with Callie the first few months.”

You can tell he’s not entirely satisfied with this answer, leaning more on the concerned and conservative side. “When’s your next checkup?”

“April 8th. I made sure to schedule it so you can be there.” Joe indicated he wanted the first Monday after WrestleMania to be a day of rest for you and Callie, and it can still be, but you also couldn’t miss the opportunity for him to be a part of your first official well-baby visit. Especially with this being the first time you’ll be able to hear the baby’s heartbeat.

That must especially be special for him.

“I promise I’m okay, Joe.” Out of respect for him and his emotional state at such an important time in his life, you haven’t told him everything Jadah shared with you. Haven’t made him aware of your knowledge regarding his loss. You’re not sure if you ever will, to be honest. If he wishes to discuss that with you, you’ll always be there to listen and support. But, there’s zero desire to dig up painful memories and trigger this man.

That doesn’t, however, mean you can’t reassure him when you can see there’s a level of anxiety and apprehension.

“If I wasn’t, you and Dr. Young would be the first to know.” It’s a promise. You would never do anything to risk unnecessary complications with this pregnancy. “How do you feel? You look tired.”

He’s looked as such for the past couple weeks, and you feel slightly bad, knowing the whole Mariah ordeal must have taken a toll on him. Not to mention his intense training and preparation for WrestleMania.

Of course, he just shrugs, playing it off. “I’m good.” You make a knowing sound. “What?”

“Seriously, Joe. This is me. I know you like the back of my hand. You’re exhausted. It’s okay to admit as such.”

“I’m fine, Y/N. I promise.”

Joe is every bit stubborn as he is caring. He won’t agree with you, but that doesn’t make what you’re saying any less true.

“Whatever, just know I’m giving you a well deserved massage when we come to see you next week.” Coyly, you imply with a shrug of your shoulder. “And maybe a lil’ more depending on the layout of your place and if we can get some privacy from your lil’ twin.”

“Naw, that lil more is happening no matter what, even if I have to fuck you in the rental.”

His tone of surety makes you laugh as you think about something. “I don’t think we’ve ever fucked in a car before.” The list of places this man has been balls deep in you is endless, but a vehicle and plane seem to have not made the list. Yet. “Might have to change that.”

He also laughs. “Wherever you want it, baby, you just gotta tell me when and how.” Just more and more reasons to love this man to infinity and beyond. He matches your freak so well.

Joe asks about Callie, of course, and you let him know she’s in seven heaven playing with her cousin in her new room that’s gradually filling up even though she still doesn’t even have all of her stuff from back in your apartment. It also goes without saying that you remind him she’s absolutely thrilled to see him soon, the same as you, which is the same as him. Reunions between the three of you are just all around enjoyable.

Naturally, Joe apologizes, for no good reason, at not being able to come with you as you take Callie back to your hometown for your final apartment walkthrough and to close all other matters, officially making your move to Florida complete. It’s a bit of a bittersweet thing, leaving the place you grew up and have so many memories in. However, what’s ahead of you is so much better than what’s behind you.

And while you would love Joe to be able to come too, it’s also not necessary.

Especially when he finds out what else is on your agenda before you say goodbye for good.

Realizing your time with him could be cut at any moment, you decide it’s now or never to break the news to him. “There’s something I need to tell you, and I know right off the bat, you’re not going to be in agreement, but I need you to just hear me out.”

He’s hesitant and already skeptical but nods. “I’m listening.”

A deep breath followed by a quick prayer to the big man that Joe will at least try to be open to this plan. “I’m gonna go see my dad while I’m there.”

This is something you’ve really been thinking about, on and off, since the Christmas ordeal. It just hasn’t been such a major priority given all the other fires you’ve been having to put out. Alexis was right when she said the dynamic with your dad has a lot to do with the situation with Joe and not telling him about Callie.

And you being able to acknowledge that has made you realize you’ve been holding onto a lot of pain and anger towards that man. More pain than anything. And it’s time to let it go. The same way you’re leaving that town for good, albeit bittersweet, you need to drop the baggage of hurt at the door before the curtain closes permanently.

In this case, that means sitting in front of the man who is your biological father and nothing more, speaking your peace, and closing that chapter.

For good.

To some extent, you expected, maybe more so hoped, for Joe to be more receptive.

It was wishful thinking, at best.

Immediately, he protests, face turned up in a scowl that reminds you of Callie when she’s in one of her moods. “Like hell you—”

Closing your eyes, you do your best to keep your voice leveled. “Hear me out, please.”

“Y/N, do you not remember the last time you saw that man?” Most definitely do you remember. That was definitely a low moment for you. “You were a fucking wreck. I’m not seeing you go through that again, especially with you being pregnant.”

“Do you really think if I had even an inkling it wouldn’t be safe for our baby I’d be doing it? Come on, Joe. You know me. I would never put either of our children in harm's way.” And you know he knows this, knows this very well, but you can also understand his anxiety from a couple different angles. “Before when I saw him, I was still looking for his love and approval. I can admit that now.” It’s been a tough pill to swallow, going back and forth between emotion and logic, coming to grips with such an uncomfortable truth. “I don’t need that anymore. I don’t even want it. I have you. I have Callie. My mom. Our friends. Even this new baby, but if I’m leaving that town for good, I need to leave all of the hurt it brought me there too. That includes making my peace with him.”

When he still doesn't say anything, you continue to plead your case.

“I need to do this, Joe. I’m not asking you to understand.” You’re not quite sure he could. This is one of those things that unless you’ve lived it, lived with a neglectful, uninvolved parent, you just couldn’t get it. “I’m just asking you to trust me.”

He’s quiet for a few minutes, and you already know it’s because he’s sitting on your words, doing his best to meet you where you are. Eventually, he says in a resigned voice, “I don’t want you going alone.”

There’s an immense amount of gratitude for his blessing, and his request is more than fair. You also figured as such, assuring him, “I already talked with Bianca about it. She’s gonna go with me.”

This seems to make him feel at least a little bit better. He scratches his beard. “Alright. But the minute you start feeling off—”

“I’ll cut it off. I know.” That goes without saying. You meant what you said. Nothing could make you put your baby at risk. “Thank you, Joe.”

Not wanting this to be the last topic you discuss, you switch gears a bit to something that will hopefully lessen his unease. “I also think we should tell Callie when we come to see you next week. I just told the girls today, and I’m gonna tell my mom while I’m there. Callie deserves to know.” The order of which you’ve told people about your pregnancy isn’t exactly how you would have preferred it to go. In a perfect world, it would have been Joe, Calllie, your mom, and then your close friends. But, life be lifing, so you just have to roll with it as best you can.

Joe nods. “I agree.” You overhear a distant voice in the background before his gaze falls on you. “I gotta go, babe.”

It’s hard not to feel disappointed. “I get it.” This pregnancy has your emotions a bit on the high, sensitive end, because there’s no reason for you to feel like crying just because this man has to get back to work. You miss him like crazy, sure, but this has always been a bit of the dynamic. You get him in doses, sometimes big, sometimes small. “Can we still call you tonight? You know Callie can’t sleep unless she can tell both of us goodnight.”

It’s such a twist, a beautiful, unexpected thing. Once upon a time, it was just you she needed to see and/or speak to before she could fall asleep. But now, it’s both you and Joe, and you honestly couldn't love that more.

Their relationship and bond is so precious to you.

And now that you understand what Joe’s been through, you can see why he’s always willing to move heaven and earth for her. She’s the little girl he’s always wanted and finally has.

“Of course.” You weren’t expecting any other answer. “I love you.”

A warm smile sets on your face. “I love you too, baby.”

You settle on a time that works best for him and end the call. Ignoring the sadness at not being able to talk to him further, you walk back in the house for a sure pick-me-up.

“Well, it’s about time,” Bianca teases, dimples nice and pronounced. “Thought we were gonna have to check on ya’ll.”

“No, she’s back too early….” Alexis, as per usual, confuses you when she asks, “ya’ll weren’t having phone sex?” She curses and then grabs her purse, digging out her wallet, slapping a wad of cash into Jadah’s expecting hand.

“Told you,” Jadah says knowingly, smirk on her pretty face as she counts the cash. “One thing I do know about Joe is he’s an all out type of man. It’s rounds or nothing.” She then looks over at you, apologizing, “hope that doesn’t make you uncomfortable.”

“It doesn’t.” It’s an honest answer. You’re old, mature, and secure enough to acknowledge and be okay with the fact your man has been with her in almost every way he’s probably been with you. Outside of the emotional connection component, which is really what matters the most to you. Sex would just be sex if you didn’t love him as much as you do. If he didn’t love you as much as he does. That’s what makes it so explosive.

“Well, it bothers me!” Kaylah looks so disgusted, and you can’t blame her. “Joe is literally like my brother!”

Bianca cosigns with a shake of her head. “And it bothers me because Y/N literally is my sister.”

“That’s so wild, so ya’ll are half sisters, right?” Jadah asks, pointing between the two of you as you move back onto the sofa. “Same mom or…..”

“No, same dad, but we don’t claim him.”

Jadah makes an ‘O’ with her mouth as Alexis leans over to whisper something in her ear. “Got it. Daddy issues. Ya’ll should just jump him then.”

“That’s what I said! Stomp his ole’ mean ass.”

Yeah…..putting Alexis and Jadah together may have created a new kind of threat to society.

“Anyway.” Refocusing them is really the best and only option. “As we were discussing, ya’ll think I should bring it up to Joe when we fly there next week?” You then remember the pact mentality and aim your question toward Bianca. “Let me just ask you, cause you seem to be the only one who gets where I’m coming from.”

At that, Bianca opens and closes her mouth. “Oh. That. I…..I think you should just leave it alone. I’m sure Joe has his reasons.”

Now it’s your turn to look shocked. “What? That’s not what you said literally not even 10 minutes ago.”

Bianca switching up on you definitely wasn’t in the cards, especially since she was providing you all the affirmation and validation you were seeking in your dilemma.

She looks off, almost in a guilty, sheepish way. “I changed my mind….”

“What did ya’ll say to her?” It’s directed toward Alexis and and even Jadah, because Kaylah doesn’t seem like the type to try to sway people one way or the other. “Can’t leave ya’ll asses alone for two minutes.”

“I don’t like your tone, Mama Mia. Watch it.” Alexis warns, and you can only roll your eyes. “What you need to be focused on is what you’re gonna wear to the Hall of Fame and WrestleMania.”

Kaylah gasps, also remembering. “Shit, I completely forgot about that.”

Your eyes land on her with premature excitement. “You’re going to the awards too?” She nods and you let out a big sigh of relief. “Oh thank god, I was kinda nervous. I’m sure Trinity is going too, but the more the merrier, I feel like I’m gonna be so out of place there or everyone’s going to hate me.”

“Girl, like Joe is going to let that happen.” Jadah is, surprisingly, the first one to jump to calm your nerves. “Him taking you in and of itself is such a ‘fuck you’ move. He really said ya’ll not about to bully the woman I love and think I’m finna just keep her on the backburner.”

“I agree.” Kaylah chimes, providing additional and useful context. “The internet wrestling community is a cesspool, and they’ll always find some reason to complain and bitch, but Joe has never been about that. He’s gonna have you on his arm regardless of who has something to say about it.”

“Ummmm, why are we acting like majority of the internet isn’t all on Y/N’s dick now that ya’ll cleared up the air?” Alexis lifts her phone, adding, “I literally can’t get on TikTok or Twitter without seeing edits and photos of Y/N that the internet has dug up. They can’t get enough of her.”

“Her ass, specifically,” Jadah adds, and you shake your head.

“I think what they’re trying to say is that maybe you should redirect your focus on fashion and hair choices vs public perception, because it seems to be in your favor currently.” Bianca’s advice is wise and on time. It also is very much giving off teacher vibes, just another thing you two can connect on.

You’re really happy you asked her to come visit you.

That you gave her a chance.

It’s proving to be a really good decision.

“Well, I’m gonna have my mom do my silk press while I’m there, so there’s that.” Typically, you avoid heat like the plague, sucking up the pain in the ass wash days to keep your curls hydrated and thriving. However, you’re okay with every now and then sitting in that damn chair for what feels like, and is, hours for these special occasions. And attending the Hall of Fame awards as well as WrestleMania definitely constitutes a special moment. “As far as fashion…..I have no idea. I don’t really have a lot of fancy clothes, and the ones I do have are before Callie and even now with the weight I’ve gained from this pregnancy already, I don’t know if I can still wear them.”

“Well then it’s obvious what we need to do.” Alexis says with a ‘duh’ tone. “We need to go find you some dresses! Like, today.”

“I probably do need to pick up something too.” Kaylah says with a heavy sigh. “I think Josh said something about wearing red.”

“Of course you have to wear red. That’s Bloodline colors.”

You chuckle at Bianca’s enthusiasm. It’s kinda cool that she’s also into wrestling. You’re so tempted to ask Joe if he can get tickets for her, Darius, and Taylor, but you also don’t want to do too much. It already means a lot to you that he got tickets for your mom and Alexis.

“I hate to pull the girls from their playing. They must be having a blast considering not one has come down in like over an hour.” It’s true. Not to mention you can also occasionally hear the chorus of giggles and shouting indicating just how great a time they’re having.

“I can watch them for ya’ll.”Jadah’s suggestion causes all sets of eyes to land on her. She rolls her eyes. “You all go get the shopping done, and I’ll stay here with the kids.”

“Jadah, you don’t have to—”

“I don’t mind. I’m not really that big on shopping anyway.” Finally. A difference between her and Alexis. “Plus, I have some client stuff I can get caught up with.”

You’re still reluctant, offering her another out. “If you’re sure….”

“Y/N, I would hope by now you’ve figured out I’m too blunt to lie. I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to.” Jadah shrugs, directing her next statement to Kaylah and Bianca. “If you’re also good with it too, of course.”

Bianca and Kaylah echo agreement with you, hence it being decided.

With a chuckle, you announce, “I guess we’re going shopping.”

———-

Things have been hard since you first landed back in your hometown.

Saying goodbye to your students was hard.

Saying goodbye to friends in town has been hard.

Bidding farewell to the apartment you first brought your sweet little girl home to after she was born was very hard.

Visiting your grandma’s grave one last time for who knows how long…..that’ll be brutal.

But this….confronting your father for the last time…

To say you’re a bit on the anxious side is putting it nicely.

This was always going to be on the nerve inducing side for a variety of good and valid reasons. It’s just getting to the moment where it happens, where you sit in the parking lot of the restaurant he agreed to meet “you” at is just bringing out some indecision you’re certain comes from a place of anxiety.

Finally stepping out of the car, you and Bianca reach the door of the restaurant when she turns to you, mouth turned into a bit of a frown as she reminds, “you sure you want to do this?”

“It’s not about what I want to do. It’s about what I need to do, Bianca.” It’s the truth. This isn’t something you’ve been dying to have happen your entire life, but for the sake of your healing, it’s what needs to happen. “But, if you feel uncomfortable, I totally get—”

“Not at all.” She reaches for your hand. “You’ve got this.”

A deep breath followed by a head nod as you accept her hand. She gives you a little squeeze and opens the door, leading the way figuratively and literally. As expected, he’s already there and waiting, sitting near the back of the restaurant. You’re not surprised a man like him is right on time. He seems like the punctual bastard type.

And Bianca has reiterated as such before.

Together, you walk hand in hand towards him. Your eyes never leave him, watching as he lights up with a genuine smile at seeing Bianca, but that smile almost instantly drops when he sets his gaze on you.

Expected.

Wholly expected.

Immediately, his nose is turned up in visible disgust, primarily directed toward you. “Bianca, what is the meaning of this?”

“What?” Her voice is full of nonchalance as is the expression on her face. “I told you your daughter wanted to speak with you.”

He just didn’t know which daughter.

There’s no denying or misunderstanding his anger at the subterfuge. He shoots up from the table. “I’m not putting up with—”

Bianca is quick with it, assertively informing him, “if you want even a chance of seeing Taylor again, you’re gonna sit right back down and hear her out.” It means the world to you that not only has Bianca agreed to be here with you today, but it’s the fact that she’s willing to be so loyal to you.

Like a sister.

Because she is your sister.

He scoffs almost immediately. “Using my grandchild to blackmail me? That’s low, Bianca. Your mother and I raised you better than that.”

She crosses her arms and matches his energy. “You are the last person that needs to be talking about raising anyone.” She then looks at you, placing a comforting hand on your arm. “I’ll be right over there if you need me, okay?”

Nodding, she gives you one last supportive squeeze and ignores her father to walk over and slide into a booth across the room.

Left alone, you watch him begrudgingly sit down so he’s across from you, same set of brown eyes locking. It kills you how much of yourself you can see in him, starting with the same set of eyes. You just have to remind yourself that that’s where the similarities end.

“This won’t take long, which I’m sure you’ll be happy to hear.” He doesn’t agree nor disagree, not that it makes much of a difference to you. At all. “I’m moving from this town. Tomorrow’s the day I hand over my keys, and I’ll officially be living in Florida full time. Not that you care, because we both know you never have and never will give a flying fuck about me.”

“Is there a point to this?” The edge in his voice, maybe even a couple months ago, might have killed you. Stolen your joy. Now, it does nothing. He no longer has that power over you, because you’ve taken that power back.

And it feels so damn good.

“I did it, you know.” Without giving him a chance, if he even would, to respond, you continue. “I made something of myself. I’m successful. I have a career. I found love all without you ever doing a goddamn thing for me.”

For a second, you swear you see a different emotion flash in his familiar irises, but it’s gone almost instantly, replaced with that permanent disdain you refuse to allow sway you from your goal.

“I have a man who loves me in every single healthy way that exists, who loves our daughter more than there are words in all the languages put together.” Emotion chokes you up, but you manage to stick with the mental points you made for this conversation. “And you wanna know something? We conceived her when he was still married.”

Leaning forward as you lower your voice, both for privacy and emotionality. “But, I didn’t tell him. I deprived him and our little girl for the first almost five years of her life because I was so scared that he was going to be like you, that he was going to reject her and hurt her the way you hurt me.”

It’s a bit painful for you to verbalize those words, but also so damn liberating to free them from the confines of your subconscious.

To also release those shackles they had on you.

“But, I was so so so wrong, because he is the best damn dad she could have asked for, and he was angry with me for not telling him about her. He wanted to be in her life. He wanted her. And it’s through that I finally realized something.”

Your voice cracks as you finally release your truth and acknowledge freedom from over 30 years of emotional bondage.

“I’ve finally realized after all these years that it’s not that I’m not good enough for you.” You shake your head, pointing at him with all the intention and determination you can muster up. “You’re not good enough for me. Not good enough to be my dad. Definitely not good enough to be a grandfather to my kids. Not good enough to be in my life.” There isn’t an ounce of hesitation or a stutter in your voice. “It’s not that I don’t deserve to be in your life. You don’t deserve to be in mine. You never did, and you never will.”

And never again will you seek out that love and validation from him. You don’t need it.

You never did.

“I actually feel sorry for you, because I am an amazing, strong black woman who was raised by an even more amazing, strong black woman who was also raised by a phenomenal black woman. And my daughter….” Just thinking about Callie, her warm smile and the great big hug she gave you, before you and Bianca left her and Taylor with your mom, makes you all choked up again. “—is the kindest, sweetest, smartest kid you could ever meet. But as long as there is breath in my body, you will not know her or any other kids I bring into this world.”

That’s a promise, an oath, a swear on everything that you love and hold dear.

“After today, you are dead to me, and I truly hope you one day see all that you missed out on, but I’m not going to wait around for that. I’m going to spend the rest of my life surrounded with love and family because that’s what I deserve.” Grabbing your purse and sliding out the booth, you make eye contact with Bianca who starts to head over. “Take care, Captain Wilson.”

As soon as she’s at your side, he shoots up from the booth. “Bianca, if you leave with that girl—”

“That woman,” Bianca corrects with all the sharpness. “You mean my sister?”

His lips turn up with a hateful snarl. “This hoodrat trash is not your sister.”

You actually laugh at his words, laugh at the fact that he’s truly so pathetic and a piece of shit he couldn’t even take any of what you just said to heart. It also makes you wonder if he’s aware of all the shit that’s been happening online regarding you. Not that it makes a difference.

It’s just something else he would try to use to justify not being in your life.

Like a coward.

“No.” She lifts her chin, taking your hand. “She is my sister, but you?” Bianca shakes her head, and you can hear the emotion catch in her voice. “You’re not my father. You’re the trash.”

If he offers a visible response to her harsh words, you’ll never know because Bianca tugs on your hand, directing the both of you to turn around as she marches you out the restaurant. Once out of the vicinity, she spins you around and brings you in for a big, loving hug.

“I’m so damn proud of you.” Eyes closing, you accept and lean into her embrace. You’re also insanely proud of you. “You said what you had to say. The ball is in his court now.”

“I highly doubt he’s gonna do anything with it.” Separating, you again thank her. “I really appreciate you being here with me today. I’m not sure Joe would have been okay with me doing this, if you weren’t here.”

She smirks, head tilted to the side. “Nowhere else I’d rather be, hun.”

It’s the truth. Along with the fact that you’re not even sure you would and even could have gone through with this if not for her assistance and support. It’s crazy how the people you’ve met in recent months have become such important figures in your life and the people you thought were important are now strangers.

Life….always a wild ride, for sure.

“And speaking of Joe….” She’s understandably confused as you casually throw out, “guess who’s going to WrestleMania with her little sister?”

Bianca’s eyes are as wide as saucers. “Seriously?” Laughing, you nod. “Oh my god—” She captures you in another big hug, the two of you nearly hopping like damn teenagers. “Wait, just me or—”

“Of course not. Taylor and Darius too. I feel like he might divorce your ass if you tried to go without him.”

“You’re not entirely wrong.” Her laughter lessens as she looks at you with admiration and appreciation. “You really didn’t have to do that, Y/N.”

“It wasn’t that big a deal.” And it wasn’t. After biting the bullet and pushing aside unnecessary anxiety, you just shot Joe a text asking if there was any way Bianca and her family could attend Mania. His response was an almost instant yes. “Besides….we’re sisters.” Your eyes begin to water as you give a one shoulder shrug. “We look out for each other.”

Her smile matches the emotionality of this moment. “You’re damn right we do.” Sniffling, she wipes her eyes and then gasps. “Shit, now I need to find a dress. Does this town have any stores where I could maybe find something?”

Her question is so laughable. “Not really, sis. Let’s just wait till we fly home. I’m sure we could find you something there. Maybe the boutique where I got my dresses."

Home…..

You’re not sure if you’ve referred to Florida as home prior to this moment, but it feels so good, so right. Like it’s where you’re supposed to be. Where you were always supposed to be.

Home with your daughter, with your man, with the baby growing inside you.

With your family.

#roman reigns x black!reader #roman reigns x black!oc #roman reigns fic #roman reigns #arisnotebook

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mostlysignssomeportents · 2 years ago

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Kickstarting the Red Team Blues audiobook, which Amazon won't sell (read by Wil Wheaton!)

Red Team Blues is my next novel, a post-cyberpunk anti-finance finance thriller; it’s a major title for my publishers Tor Books and Head of Zeus, and it’s swept the trade press with starred reviews all ‘round. Despite all that, Audible will not sell the audiobook. In fact, Audible won’t sell any of my audiobooks. Instead, I have to independently produce them and sell them through Kickstarter:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/doctorow/red-team-blues-another-audiobook-that-amazon-wont-sell

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/21/anti-finance-finance-thriller/#marty-hench

Audible is Amazon’s monopoly audiobook platform. It has a death-grip on the audiobook market, commanding more than 90% of genre audiobook sales, and every single one of those audiobooks is sold with Amazon’s DRM on it. That means that you can’t break up with Amazon without throwing away those audiobooks. Under the 1998 Digital Millennium Copyright Act, I can’t give you a tool to convert my own copyrighted audiobooks to a non-Amazon format. Doing so is a felony carrying a five year prison sentence and a $500,000 fine for an act that in no way infringes anyone’s copyright! Indeed, merely infringing copyright is much less illegal than removing Amazon’s mandatory DRM from my own books!

I’ve got amazing publishers who support my crusade against DRM, but they’re not charities. If they can’t sell my audiobooks on the platform that represents 90% of the market, they’re not going to make audio editions at all. Instead, I make my own audiobooks, using brilliant voice actors like Amber Benson and @neil-gaiman, and I sell them everywhere except Audible.

Doing this isn’t cheap: I’m paying for an incredible studio (Skyboat Media), a world-class director (Gabrielle de Cuir), top-notch sound editing and mastering, and, of course, killer narrators. And while indie audiobook platforms like Libro.fm and downpour.com are amazing, the brutal fees extracted by Apple and Google on app sales means that users have to jump through a thousand hoops to shop with indie stores. Most audiobook listeners don’t even know that these stores exist: if a title isn’t available on Audible, they assume no audiobook exists.

That’s where Kickstarter comes in: twice now, I’ve crowdfunded presales of my audiobooks through KS, and these campaigns were astoundingly successful, smashing records and selling thousands of audiobooks. These campaigns didn’t just pay my bills (especially during lockdown, when our household income plunged), but they also showed other authors that it was possible to evade Amazon’s monopoly chokepoint and sell books that aren’t sticky-traps for Audible’s walled garden/prison:

https://www.publishersweekly.com/pw/by-topic/columns-and-blogs/cory-doctorow/article/90282-we-wrote-a-book-about-why-audible-won-t-sell-our-book-and-snuck-it-onto-audible.html

And today, I’m launching the Kickstarter for Red Team Blues, and even by the standards of my previous efforts, I think this one’s gonna be incredible.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/doctorow/red-team-blues-another-audiobook-that-amazon-wont-sell

For starters, there’s the narrator: @wilwheaton, whose work on my previous books is outstanding, hands-down my favorite (don’t tell my other narrators! They’re great too!):

https://wilwheaton.net/

Beyond Wil’s narration, there’s the subject matter. The hero of Red Team Blues is a hard-charging forensic accountant who’s untangled every Silicon Valley finance scam since he fell in love with spreadsheets as as a MIT freshman, dropped out, got his CPA ticket, and moved west. Now, at the age of 67, Marty Hench is ready to retire, but a dear old friend — a legendary cryptographer — drags him back for one last job — locating the stolen keys to the backdoor he foolishly hid in a cryptocurrency that’s worth more than a billion dollars.

That’s the starting gun for a “grabby next-Tuesday thriller” that sees Marty in between three-letter agencies and international crime syndicates, all of whom view digital technology as a carrier medium for scams, violence and predation. Marty’s final adventure involves dodgy banks, crooked crypto, and complicit officials in a fallen paradise where computers’ libertory promise has been sucked dry by billionaire vampires.

It’s a pretty contemporary story, in other words.

I wrote this one before SVB, before Sam Bankman0Fried and FTX — just like I wrote Little Brother before Snowden’s revelations. It’s not that I’m prescient — fortune-telling is a fatalist’s delusion — it’s that these phenomena are just the most spectacular, most recent examples in a long string of ghastly and increasingly dire scandals.

Red Team Blues blasted out of my fingertips in six weeks flat, during lockdown, when technology was simultaneously a lifeline, connecting us to one another during our enforced isolation; and a tool of predatory control, as bossware turned our “work from home” into “live at work.”

The last time I wrote a book that quickly, it was Little Brother, and, as with Little Brother, Red Team Blues is a way of working out my own anxieties and hopes for technology on the page, in story.

These books tap into a nerve. I knew I had something special in my hands when, the night after I finished the first draft, I rolled over at 2AM to find my wife sitting up in bed, reading.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I had to find out how it ended,” she answered.

The next day, my editor sent me a four-line email:

That. Was. A! Fucking! Ride! Whoa!

Within a week, he’d bought Red Team Blues…and two sequels. I finished writing the second of these on Monday, and all three are coming out in the next 22 months. It’s gonna be a wild ride.

Kickstarter backers can get the usual goodies: DRM-free audiobooks and ebooks, hardcovers (including signed and personalized copies), and three very special, very limited-run goodies.

First, there’s naming rights for characters in the sequels — I’m selling three of these; they’re a form of cheap (or at least, reasonably priced) literary immortality for you or a loved one. The sequels are a lot of fun — they go in reverse chronology, and the next one is The Bezzle, out in Feb 2024, a book about prison-tech scams, crooked LA County Sheriff’s Deputy gangs, and real-estate scumbags turned techbros.

The third book is Picks and Shovels (Jan 2025), and it’s Marty’s first adventure after he comes west to San Francisco and ends up working for the bad guys, an affinity scam PC company called “Three Wise Men” that’s run by a Mormon bishop, a Catholic priest and an orthodox rabbi who fleece their faithful with proprietary, underpowered computers and peripherals, and front for some very bad, very violent money-men.

Next, there’s three Marty Hench short story commissions: the Hench stories are machines for turning opaque finance scams into technothrillers. While finance bros use MEGO (“my eyes glaze over”) as a weapon to bore their marks into submission, I use the same performative complexity as the engines of taut detective stories. Commissioning a Hench story lets you turn your favorite MEGO scam into a science fiction story, which I’ll then shop to fiction websites (every story I’ve written for the past 20 years has sold, though in the event that one of these doesn’t, I’ll put it up under a CC license).

Finally, there’s a super-ultra-limited deluxe hardcover edition — and I do mean limited, just four copies! These leather-bound editions have Will Staehle’s fantastic graphic motif embossed in their covers, and the type design legend John D Berry is laying out the pages so that there’s space for a hidden cavity. Nestled in that cavity is a hand-bound early draft edition of The Bezzle, the sequel to Red Team Blues. The binding is being done by the fantastic book-artist John DeMerritt. Each copy’s endpapers will feature a custom cryptographic puzzle created especially for it by the cryptographer Bruce Schneier.

I often hear from readers who want to thank me for the work I do, from the free podcast I’ve put out since 2006 to the free, CC BY columns I’ve written for Pluralistic for the past three years. There is no better way to thank me than to back this Kickstarter and encourage your friends to do the same:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/doctorow/red-team-blues-another-audiobook-that-amazon-wont-sell

Preselling a ton of audiobooks, ebooks, and print books is a huge boost to the book on its launch — incomparable, really. Invaluable.

What’s more, helping me find a viable way to produce popular, widely heard audiobooks without submitting to Amazon’s DRM lock-in sets an example for other creators and publishers: we have a hell of a collective action problem to solve, but if we could coordinate a response to Audible demanding the right to decide whether our work should have their DRM, it would force Audible to treat all of us — creators, publishers and listeners — more fairly.

I’ll be heading out on tour to the US, Canada, the UK and Germany once the book is out. I’m really looking forward to as many backers in person as I can! Thank you for your support over these many long years — and for your support on this Kickstarter.

Today (Mar 22), I’m doing a remote talk for the Institute for the Future’s “Changing the Register” series.

[Image ID: A graphic showing a phone playing the Red Team Blues audiobok, along with a quote from Booklist, 'Jam-packed with cutting-edge ideas about cybersecurity and crypto. Another winner from an sf wizard.']

#pluralistic #wil wheaton #drm #chokepoint capitalism #Monopoly #audible #amazon #audiobooks #sf #science fiction #post cyberpunk #cyberpunk #technothrillers #thrillers #heists #cryptocurrency #red team blues #marty hench #kickstarter

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heycarrots · 8 months ago

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There’s been a lot of discourse about the nature of James and Miranda’s relationship. There’s even been a lot of discussion on my podcast about it. One thing I want to make clear is that my podcast is a platform for discussion on all points of view. I’m not going to agree, 100%, with everything that’s said, but it makes the views of my guests no less valid. There’s no right or wrong, here, because this is art and therefore, it is subject to interpretation.

My intent, however, is to attempt to get as close to the original intent of the actors as possible because we look at a show or a film or a play as going through several layers of distillation. Each level purifies the intended narrative leaving its truest essence.

When we make a reduction sauce using an alcohol of some kind, let’s say a red wine, the heat applied to it burns off things we don’t need for flavor. You’re never going to get drunk off of red wine reduction because there’s almost no alcohol left in it. That all gets burned off, leaving only the flavor components, which is what we wanted all along, anyway. We want that extra element that enriches the flavor of the steak, by adding nuance.

So let’s take apart that meal.

We start with the birth of the idea. The story kicks around in an author’s head, trying to get out, growing bigger and more persistent until it outgrows the confines of the mental box inspiration is stored in and has to be let out. That idea, that’s the cow.

The author raises that idea, feeds it, watches it grow, and then, ultimately slaughters it. That sounds awful, but once you have that idea pulsing, growing, evolving and then finally commit the final draft on paper, it is a kind of death. The life of the story comes to an end and it becomes memorialized in a mausoleum. Readers will come to visit, spend time with it, lay down flowers, cherish it, and mourn its passing.

The next level is adaptation. That’s the steak. There are many ways you can slice the story, large roasts encompassing the whole story or a smaller, hyper-focused character study fillet mignon.

A writers room gets hold of the cow and carves it up. They choose what gets cooked and what gets tossed. A GREAT group of writers saves the bones. They take in the entire supporting structure of the piece and while the whole story may not make it onto the screen, they will have slow roasted the bones for a stock. When you watch a show like Black Sails, where themes are introduced that won’t fully be explained or explored until several seasons later, that’s what that is. It is the stock being used to flavor the whole dish. You’ve distilled the entire cow to its purest essence and so every scene, every line of dialogue, every acting choice, encompasses the entirety of the story. A line from episode one is defined by knowledge of the finale and in regard to dialogue, defined by an actors’ knowledge of a character’s backstory. There are many writers rooms who are creating the bones of the story as they go, which means they aren’t starting with a rich stock. You can’t trace back character motivations or choices to begin with because those motivations changed throughout production.

Black Sails, again, isn’t one of those shows. Steinberg and Levine came into the writers room with their stock pot full and sloshing, spilling story everywhere. The richness of the details they were laying can make season one a bit hard to consume unless you are ready for a story on that level. Viewers need to come to the table with some bread to sop up all those character details because we WILL need them later.

Over the course of finalizing scripts and blocking out episodes, the steak is cooked. Like any great steak, this story is medium rare. More juice comes out with every bite. It’s what makes the show infinitely rewatchable. It continues to cook on the plate, but because it wasn’t overdone, it never dries out.

When the actors get ahold of it, that’s the reduction sauce we were talking about. That sauce provides nuance and flavor. That’s the emotion. A line of dialogue on a page is just ink. It’s nothing until it’s spoken aloud. And like any bit of language in this world, it’s subject to interpretation. In this case, it’s the actor who does the interpreting.

I spoke on the podcast about the art of subtext and how huge a role it plays in Black Sails. One example we used is Jane Eyre. It’s one of the most frequently adapted novels in the English language and with each adaptation, we get a new version of our characters. The most volatile and subject to change is Rochester. There are MANY versions of Rochester that I find appalling (including the original beast in the book), but each actor has formed him into something else, based on their performance. Toby Stephens takes Rochester and turns him into a silly tragic romantic, broken many times over by a society he never really fits into, despite the status of his birth. He connects with Ruth Wilson’s Jane because she fully and happily inhabits that space on the fringes that Rochester thinks he needs to climb out of. Jane takes his hand on the outside of the wall, turns him away from the guarded palace and shows him the wild world that was at his back this whole time.

This is what Toby Stephens, Luke Arnold, Louise Barnes, Zethu Dlomo, and really all the actors for whom their subtextual choices make them reflect like prisms, have done with their performances.

In the final distillation, character motivations and emotions are finalized by the actor. Writers can pontificate, the source material lies dead in its lovely tomb, but stories live and breathe by their storytellers.

What we’re left with is Toby’s face telling the world how deeply Flint loves Silver. Every single choice tells this story.

We’re left with Luke showing us how much Silver is repressing in his feelings for Flint. Luke’s face shows us an incredible depth of feeling and a door slamming shut.

We’re left with the incredible intimacy between James and Miranda, which speaks of a decade of shared physical intimacy. There’s an openness, a freeness to it until the moment in episode 3 when Miranda learns that James has found the Urca and is leaving soon to pursue it. She gives some of it away when she says “I thought I’d have you all to myself”. She is mourning the loss of intimacy that she only gets in short windows of time. They aren’t strained because James isn’t attracted to her, but because he’s rarely there. She has him for a few days at a time before he’s off on another hunt. The coldness starts from the moment he tells her he’s leaving in a few days because I believe she thinks he won’t be coming back, that this is the hunt he won’t survive and she’ll finally have lost both James and Thomas. From the moment Richard Guthrie darkens her door, she’s looking for a way to weaponize him and get them out. For her, it’s a race against the clock and she’s willing to sacrifice a bit of her relationship with James in the present to secure happiness for them in the future.

This is also why James still has sex with her before leaving, even though he’s furious for her reading Meditations to Richard. This is how they connect. They connected through physical intimacy in the flashbacks, as well. Him stroking her thumb in the carriage before the kiss. Tactile contact to seal their understanding of each other. Miranda bracing her hands on his chest during important moments in the Hamilton’s home, something she also does to Thomas, to show physical connection, physical intimacy. Miranda thrives on physical touch.

To think that, for 10 years, James is lying there like an object for Miranda to use, is, to me, short sighted. To think that James doesn’t love Miranda outside of a group, is also ignoring the fact that, 10 years on, James will not leave on a hunt (angry as they both are) without physically connecting with her, trying so hard to reach beyond his anger and the wound freshly opened from sight of that book he’s chosen not to look at for probably the better part of those 10 years. The way his hands hover over her back after she comes and he desperately wants to be with her in that moment, like the best of their moments, but he just can’t, speaks to the depth of his love for her.

So many fans of the show point to this sad sex scene as one of the most important character moments for James and Miranda, but I consistently come to the opposite conclusions about WHY it’s important and what we learn from it, because I’m taking my cues from the actor’s choices, not the director or the writers. On the page, in plain ink, he hates having sex with her. Toby and Louise show us, however, that they are trying to recapture a thing that is fleeting, reaching out to each other to patch up an old wound from which the scab has been picked off, leaving it seeping and raw.

From Toby’s performance, regardless of the words he uses years later to describe it, we see not a character who “loves men” or a character who “loves women”, but a character who LOVES. I don’t see Flint defining that love in terms of boxes and parameters. He’s a character who must be coaxed out, but then loves without reason, without a safety net, as he proves with his love of Silver. As was also referenced by a guest on the podcast, he places a sword in Silver’s hand and says “do it”.

Anyway, this post got away from me and took several turns, but the love between James and Miranda being dismissed by so many in the fandom has been bugging me for a while and I just needed to emotionally vomit on tumblr.

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centrally-unplanned · 1 month ago

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Watching Tantacrul's analysis of "Facebook and its discontents", as it were, which is a good video even if I disagree with a bunch of it (I don't assign as much credence to the "social media is causing mental health crises" arguments, even if I am open to them, and am far more skeptical of the case of the "misinformation" proponents). What I do think is valuable is that Tantacrul was himself a large facebook user - not only professionally as a musician and game designer, but personally as one of those people who adopted it in his mid-20's right when it launched. He had the complete prelapsarian experience that Facebook, back when it was a tool and not a platform, was supposed to deliver; getting connected to a bunch of old friends, catching up, and sharing things from your personal life (and even effort posts; people did that on FB back then). While surely people do still have that experience on Facebook, it is a footnote of what it does today - few users are there for that anymore.

What strikes me is that there was something inevitable to the decline of that as a service - it relied sharply on momentum and a specific era. Having everyone join Facebook at the same time created a ton of activity and the easy establishment of community - everyone is here and online all in one place, catching up, so lets share things. But while the idea that one tool would Win The Future and be the ur-platform for everything is ofc the dream of every tech CEO, it isn't the dream of the user. "Everyone" made a Facebook in the late 2000's and at least gave the site a shot, so seeing dozens of friendly faces new and old was possible. But for most users it didn't really stick - I gave up on it in days myself, for others it was months, maybe it was a few years but it "getting old" is baked in. Not because the platform Got Worse, but because look, I can text my friends; I don't care anymore about posting a photo for 100+ people to see. The dirty secret of community everywhere is that if it isn't structural, it is temporary; it doesn't inherently generate endless engagement. Over time, you grow bored.

But you know what does generate endless engagement??

The second pillar of the Early Facebook Experience was the era - the internet was young, and "randos fooling around" was the peak of content. Most people weren't bloggers (the fools), most people weren't autistic enough to troll the dregs of Newgrounds for parody Evangelion dating sims (the absolute fools) - the internet just didn't have that much to do. Which meant the content your friends were posting to their facebook wall was as good as anything, right? Their Hot Take on the end of the Second Intifada ("this is a real opportunity for peace in the region") seemed worthy of several dozen back-and-forth debates in the comments. What this model could not anticipate is that its own success in generating online revenue streams meant that professionals would rise to meet the demand of the attention economy, far better than your friends could. Obviously Facebook-as-platform was a perfectly viable place to Share Content, but you do enough of that and someone's graduation photos seem a bit pedestrian in comparison. And again you can just text your friends - Facebook just isn't a good enough medium for all this.

I do think when people look at "the history of website X", there tends to be a lot of focus on the corporate management as the locus for change - the "pivot to video" for ad revenue or whatever. And certainly that is part of the story - I bet Facebook could have, if it had no ambition, stayed a site for people to see what their friends were up to. But that story is the story of website with declining engagement, with less people signing up new accounts as they are busy already on Tiktok, and active users dialing in less than they did. Maybe still better than the current status quo? Possibly, that isn't a debate I am interested in here. Just saying that change is inevitable in these kinds of places.

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c4n1d43cup1d · 9 months ago

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Some hogcanons. notes (me rambling) under the cut

So silver was the reason i wanted to make this in the first place despite him looking the most on model (not entirely obviously, but i don't have many hcs for him). Mostly i wanted to draw his height compared to the other hedgehogs since him being freakishly tall despite being younger than sonic and shadow is funny. I saw someone say hes probably the most conventionally attractive hedgehog and i think that's true, hes a pretty boy and his fur/quills are really sleek and well maintained. The fluff on his chest is less spikey and more fluffy looking plus i put some fluff in his ears as well. I think his paws and nails are black and he doesn't wear eyeliner his lashes are just really long and hes got black markings on his eyes. Coming back to this after writing Amy's desc but i think hes genderqueer in some way idk maybe bigender i need to study him under a microscope some more every character i touch becomes transgender

Sonic has a few more added details, i like giving him a little nick in his ear and top surgery scars because that hog is trans. I haven't really seen many people give him stylized top surgery scars surprisingly, i tried to make his look kind of lightning bolty because uh something about him being fast. idk man. i think i imagined its similar to what itd look like for him to run in a zigzag? whatever i think it looks cool. I think his claws are kind of uneven and he doesn't really care too much about how they look especially since he just has them under gloves most of the time

Amy is fat because i said so, also i gave her wavier quills and heart markings everywhere. Her ears might look a little strange since it like implies her skin is making that heart shape but i imagine thats her fur spiking into the point. Her nails are painted the same red that shadows markings and stuff are mostly because i think them being besties is cute like. i see shadamy as a queer platonic relationship. Theyve always been my favorites im going to to make them as close as i want. Anyway, i think she and sonic are tied for having the shortest ears, and hers are the rounest (might make them even rounder the next time i draw her) also not entirely related to her design but i think shes transfem and genderfluid.

Shadow my son. im taking custody from black doom and gerald. anyway, i have the most headcanons for him because he is my absolute favorite guy ever he rots my brain. I think he and Amy are the same height, his rocket shoes are like platform/heels and so when he has them on he looks like Sonic's height or maybe a teeny tiny bit taller. I give his quills extra little spikes for no reason other than i think its cute, i could bullshit that its a black arms thing but idrc. What are black arms things though are his eyes and claws, his scelera is a more yellow compared to everyone elses (jaundiced as my friend put it. thanks endy) and i didn't draw it but his pupils are slits. Claws are long but are even longer when all the way out (retractable) his gloves are thick enough that he doesn't pierce them but he probably has a few spare pairs. Also not pictured but black arms related: his teeth are fucking razors, larger than the other hedgehogs and also serrated because i think thats cool. his tail is the longest out of all of them though i think it used to be longer but was lopped off in the name of science and never properly grew back. also his inhibitor rings are connected to a sort of device that does the task of being a proper gateway between his internal energy and the rings themselves, i didn't draw them but essentially its like a smaller ring that is embedded into his wrists i think. also hes trans but in a sort of alien way, i think the black arms can do the clownfish genderswap thing and shadow has it to a somewhat lesser degree its like an internal tshot i guess idfk

ok yeah thats all if u made it to the end thanks for reading the ramblings of a mad man

#silver the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog #amy rose #shadow the hedgehog #fanart #art #headcanons #sth #i need to think about silver some more #id say i need to think about shadow less but hell no that boy lives rent free #actually i just realized he has the second longest ramblings #i need to give amy more love #shes my second fave but its obvious how much i like shadow more #im sorry girl 💔

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rambleonwaywardson · 3 months ago

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Clegan Olympics AU - Village Shenanigans Collection

Masterpost

Author's Note: Don't worry, I'm working on Event Finals Part 2 and plan to have it out early next week at the latest. But in the process of taking drabble requests, I accidentally combined them all into this little series of drabbles about the boys doing random shit around the Village and Bucky recording it all for TikTok (cause of course he does). I watched a lot of Athlete Village tiktoks for the sole purpose of writing this.

This all takes place before Bucky's event finals.

---

Gale Cleven doesn’t do social media. Not by choice, at least.

He posts on instagram semi-regularly because US Equestrian begs him to and Benny and Marge force him to. Even then, mostly it’s pictures of Whiskey. Many of them include him riding her, decked out in tack and clothing from some sponsor or another. Very very few posts exist, though, of just Gale. It’s not often that people get to see what he looks like or who he is outside of horseback riding.

Tiktok is a whole other beast that he refuses to approach. He has an account, sure. But there’s only a handful of videos on it, almost all of them from at least two years ago, and most of them posted at Marge’s prodding.

This is a problem for the newfound Gale Cleven – ahem, equestrian – fans of the world. After opening ceremonies, seeing Gale in all his beautiful, adorable, humble glory alongside America’s gymnastics darling, John Egan, people wanted to know who this man was. They flocked to his social media accounts, sharing what little they could across platforms and obsessing over every detail. Every hint of his lovely personality and every glimpse of his perfect body. But there’s just not enough Gale Cleven content out there.

John has made it his personal mission to give that to the world.

For all that Gale doesn’t care for posting about his life on social media, Bucky documents his own Olympic experience like a second job. Everywhere he goes around the Olympic Village, he’s posting to his story or recording a short video, showing them his life as an Olympic athlete or giving tours of the amenities. “It’s my duty, as an athlete,” he tries to explain to Gale.

“To show them everything?” Gale asks skeptically, when he catches Bucky making a video of the food in the dining hall.

“Yes,” Bucky says.

All the gymnasts, really, are like that. Marge and Benny, too. And they’ve ganged up on Gale to the point that he has a social media presence even when he barely posts a thing.

—

One of the things Gale does bother to post on Instagram is the pictures they all take together in front of the giant Olympic rings. There’s a nice shot of Gale alone, looking like a goddamn model with his hair styled all messy, one hand in his pocket and the other rubbing absently at his chin as he poses in black jeans and a thin, navy blue USA sweatshirt. “When did the equestrians get so hot?” people will comment.

Adding fuel to the fire, there’s a sweet one of Gale, Benny, and Marge standing with their arms over each others’ shoulders in front of the rings. They all smile brightly at the camera, three young, attractive equestrians that America is falling in love with.

There’s several of Gale and Bucky together that find their way to the internet via one equestrian or gymnast or another. One of them standing side by side, Bucky’s arm around Gale’s shoulders like they’re just good bros. Then there’s the ones that aren’t very bro-like at all. Like the one where Bucky is kissing Gale on the cheek; the one where Gale is hiding his laughter by burying his face in the crook of Bucky’s neck; and the one where Bucky is holding Gale by the waist and they’re looking dreamily into each other’s eyes because they forgot there was a camera.

Finally, there’s one of all of them together – three equestrians and all five male gymnasts. The cross-over that America never knew they needed but now can’t get enough of.

Gale simply posts the photos with a vague caption about making friends at the Games. Bucky, on the other hand, posts a whole tiktok documenting the series of events that transpired for each photo. There’s a clip of Marge directing Gale, once again, like a model, having him put his hands in and out of his pockets, turn this way and that, run a hand through his hair. Gale pouts and tells Marge that this is ridiculous. Marge tells him that people will love it (she’s right).

Bucky can be heard calling out to him from off screen. “Lookin’ good, Buck!”

Cue the fangirls freaking out about Bucky calling Gale ‘Buck.’

There’s a clip of Bucky turning to Gale after their little photo session and kissing him right on the mouth, making Gale blush.

Then there’s several clips of the gymnasts climbing all over the rings in every way possible, standing on them, hanging from them, trying to do different gymnastics holds on them. In one iconic photo that will be shown during their Today Show interviews and circulated across various Team USA accounts, Bucky manages a near perfect Maltese inside the green ring on the right while Curt holds himself up in a straddle on top of the black one in the middle. Croz and Alex hang from the red and blue ones on the ends while Brady does an awkward L sit, having to duck his head, inside the yellow one on the left. In the background of the video, Gale can be heard saying “Please don’t fall!” And Bucky, still in a maltese, yells back, “It’s fine, doll.”

Cue the fangirls freaking out about Bucky calling Gale ‘doll.’

—

Gale watches Bucky with an eyebrow raised as he pans the camera over to him. They’re sitting at one of the tables in the Village dining hall, and Bucky has recorded most of their experience here this morning.

“You got a muffin, Buck?” he exclaims. For a second he’s so excited about it that the camera tilts and Gale goes half out of frame.

“I did,” Gale says slowly. Bucky pouts behind the camera and Gale stifles a laugh. “I can get you one if you want?”

Bucky shakes his head. “I’m tryin’ to be good.”

“Have you had one yet?”

“No,” Bucky whines. “I’m waiting until after all my events.” He stares longingly at the muffin over his phone, practically drooling as he zooms in with the camera. The only gymnast on his team who’s had one already is Croz, and he hasn’t shut up about it.

Gale smirks as he slowly, teasingly, unwraps the chocolate muffin. “A shame. They’re really good.”

He bites into it and closes his eyes, making a whole little show of how good it is. When he swallows, there’s a bit of chocolate stuck to his lip, and Bucky leans over to wipe it away with his thumb.

“You gonna post that?” Gale asks.

“You bet, babe. The people deserve to see it.”

Cue fangirls freaking out over Bucky calling Gale ‘babe,’ and Gale moaning over a chocolate muffin.

Gale rolls his eyes, but takes another bite, making eye contact with Bucky as he does so. “Really fuckin’ good,” he insists. Like teasing Bucky is some sort of payback for putting him on TikTok.

Bucky groans. “That’s it.” He leans across the table and grabs the muffin from Gale’s hand. He flips the camera as he bites into it, and practically moans as he gets his first taste of this cake from the fuckin’ gods. “Oh my god.”

Gale can be heard laughing in the background. “You’ve got chocolate on your mouth.”

The video stops right after Bucky says, “Well you better come help me get it off, then.”

—

“Oh look, it’s Mr. Silver Medalist, Buck Cleven.”

Bucky stands over Gale, who is laying on his back on the floor of the bedroom he shares with Benny. Gale looks up, unamused, when he sees Bucky recording. “Everyone’s calling me that ‘cause of you.”

Bucky shrugs innocently. “Don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

Gale shifts a little to get more heat on his upper back and grimaces. “You gave me your name,” he grunts.

Bucky waves a hand dismissively. “What are you doing, Mr. Silver Medalist Buck Cleven?”

Gale sighs and looks away from Bucky, back up at the ceiling above him. “Laying on a heating pad.”

“Why?”

Gale works his jaw and looks back at Bucky like a petulant child. “Cause my back is messed up and I can’t move.”

Bucky nods thoughtfully behind the camera. “And why is that?”

“Cause I screwed it up during cross country and then did two rounds of show jumping.”

“And?”

“And then I did a weight workout the next morning anyways.”

Bucky makes a go on motion with his free hand. “And?”

“Went for a run around the village.”

“And?”

Gale’s look turns into a glare, but it doesn’t have any malice behind it. “And you told me not to do any of that.”

“You’re damn right I did,” Bucky says. He flips the camera around so he and Gale are both in the frame. “See, people? Even someone as perfect as Gale Cleven can be an idiot.”

He sets the phone down and props it against the wall so it will continue recording without him holding it. Then he sinks to his knees and crawls over top of Gale, laying on him with his head on his chest. A moment that will be screenshotted and shared a million times over

Gale turns his head and gives a long suffering look to the camera. That moment, on the other hand, of Gale staring, unamused, straight at the camera like he’s on the Office while Bucky clings to him, will become one of the most popular memes from the Games. “This isn’t helping,” he says.

“Shh. It’s fine.”

—

Gale is standing outside the dining hall where Bucky told him to meet them, but they’re a good ten minutes late. Gale would be debating whether or not he should text, but he’s been kept busy. In that time, just standing outside, he has traded pins with four different athletes. He now has Serbia, Great Britain, Ireland, and Austria, which he’s been looking for all week since it’s Whiskey’s birth place.

He also has the phone number of an Irish diver with a sweet smile who Gale kind of thinks he might’ve flirted back with if he wasn’t already standing around waiting for the most beautiful guy in the world.

He’s waving goodbye to the cute redhead when he sees them approaching: three idiots on bicycles. Bucky is steering with one hand and awkwardly dragging along a spare bike with the other. He’s singing Blue Skies by Frank Sinatra, very off key, and he breaks into a wild grin when he sees Gale looking at him.

“Was starting to think you wouldn’t show up,” Gale says as they approach. “I almost went off with that Irish guy.”

Bucky’s jaw drops and he gasps as he slows to a stop. “You wouldn’t!”

“I’m still here aren’t I?”

Bucky frowns, wondering how serious Gale is being. But he shakes it off when he sees the way Gale is smirking at him. “I got you a bike!” he exclaims. He smoothly hops off his own bike, but the spare one falls over in the process with a loud clatter that gets some looks from the athletes wandering in and out of the dining hall. He rushes around to right it again as Curt, Croz, and Benny come to a stop beside him. “Did you know the Village has bikes?”

Gale nods, eyebrow raised. “I did.”

“Well come on then, we’re exploring.” Bucky shoves the extra bike forward and waits for Gale to take it. Gale shakes his head and chuckles, but he grabs the handlebars and swings his leg over with ease.

They spend a good couple hours biking through what feels like the entire village, past the athlete house of probably every single country. Bucky and Curt call out random things to people they pass just to see who will respond. They yell “USA! USA! USA!” as they pass the USA house, starting up a chant on the sidewalk as athletes walk in and out. They stop here and there to say hi to someone, trade pins, grab snacks, or whatever else one of them deems important enough to pull over for. Even if, on one occasion, Bucky insists that they need to stop to watch two birds fight over a lonely, forgotten potato chip.

Bucky and Curt record periodically, showing their surroundings. Bucky at one point zooms in very close on Gale’s ass, but he’ll never even know because he won’t ever watch the video. From the back, Curt records as Bucky swerves in close to Gale and reaches out to tap him on the hand. Gale glances over at him and Bucky pouts until he lets go of the handlebar to twine their fingers together. They continue on like that down the road, biking hand in hand.

“You two are gross!” Benny calls out.

“You told me I needed to be social!” Gale yells back, looking over his shoulder with his hair blowing in the breeze and a legitimate smile on his face that will make viewers swoon.

Benny throws a hand up in the air and motions to John. “I didn’t mean for you to get yourself fucked by the hottest guy in the village!”

Curt laughs so hard he falls off his bike, the video showing a rapid and discombobulating tumble to the ground as the phone falls out of his hand and skids across the pavement.

It’ll be one of his most watched TikToks of the week.

—

Giving my boyfriend baguettes until he asks wtf I’m doing

That’s it. That’s the video.

Gale is sitting on one of the chairs in the living area of Bucky and Curt’s suite, reading some book about the history of space travel because he’s a nerd and Bucky loves him for it. Curt is sitting across the room, trying (probably failing) to be inconspicuous about recording as Bucky hands Gale a whole baguette.

Gale looks at Bucky with an eyebrow raised, but he hesitantly takes the baguette. Bucky smiles and nods like a puppy bringing their person a stick, and Gale gently sets the baguette on the small coffee table in front of him, eyes still on Bucky with an expression that says are you good? He goes back to his book.

A few seconds later, Bucky hands him another baguette.

“John?” Gale gives him a look somewhere between amused and annoyed.

“Shh,” Bucky says, nudging Gale’s hand with the end of the loaf.

Gale sighs, takes the baguette, rips a small piece off to pop in his mouth, and sets it on the table with the other one.

By the third baguette, Gale looks up at Bucky, sets down his book, and crosses his arms. “What are you doing?”

“Baguette,” Bucky insists, shoving the bread forward at Gale.

“You’re not a penguin, hon,” Gale tells him.

Cue fangirls obsessing over Gale calling John “hon.”

A pause. Bucky stands there, baguette in hand, and squints in confusion. “What?”

Gale motions to the baguettes accumulating on the coffee table. “Quit giving me baguettes like a penguin giving their mate pebbles.”

Bucky blinks, trying to recall when in his life he should have learned about such a thing, but comes up empty. He shakes his head. “Penguins do that?”

Gale nods, and Curt breaks out laughing behind the camera because that’s kind of exactly what Bucky is doing.

“Why do you have so many baguettes?” Gale asks.

Bucky points to Curt, and Gale narrows his eyes when he sees Curt recording. He runs a hand through his hair and sighs in acceptance. “Ok… Why do you have so many baguettes?”

Curt shrugs. “Keep buyin’ ‘em from the cafe.”

“You’re supposed to eat them, you know,” Gale deadpans. He’s bought a couple things from the little shop Curt is talking about, which serves fresh-baked bread every day. Because… Paris.

“Why would I eat that many baguettes?” Behind the camera, Curt gives a what the fuck kind of look.

Gale stares at Curt for a long few seconds. Then he asks “Why would you buy that many baguettes?”

“Why not?”

Bucky rips a big bite off the end of the baguette he’s still holding as he watches this interaction.

Gale rubs a hand over his face in exasperation. “So you just buy a baguette from the cafe every day and never eat it?”

Curt nods and motions to the three baguettes that have been offered to Gale. “You can have one if you want. I have more.”

Gale looks up at Bucky and rolls his eyes at the way he’s trying not to laugh, his mouth full of bread. Bucky swallows, leans down, and kisses him on the cheek.

—

So far Bucky has given his followers, and all who care to watch, tours of the dining hall and cafes, his suite, Gale’s suite, the Team USA House, the gym, and much of the Village grounds. Up on the list today, among other amenities, is the mindfulness zone.

“Are you feeling mindful, boys?” He turns the camera to look at Gale and Curt, who are walking beside him.

“Oh I’m always mindful,” Curt says, nodding thoughtfully.

Gale glances at Curt and scoffs. “You’re the least mindful person I know.” Even when they were in college, Curt was… Curt.

Curt points a finger at Gale. “I’m gonna practice some mindfulness right now and not say somethin’ snarky back.”

The wall outside the mindfulness zone reads “Strength comes from within. Enter here to train your mind.” Bucky pans over it dramatically before shifting the camera to Gale. “Are you feeling the strength from within?”

“No.”

Inside, the mindfulness zone is lit entirely in blue light with large chairs scattered about that look like they’re meant to be comfortable but probably aren’t. Fluffy, tufted things that more than likely are stuffed so full that they’re stiff as a board. Quiet, soothing music is playing, and there’s a few people scattered about. One guy in the corner is just laying on the floor with the hood of his sweatshirt pulled down over his face, dead to the world.

“Look at those wild-ass plants!” Curt exclaims, pointing towards one corner of the room. Big, spiky-looking potted plants sit in between some of the chairs. A village staff member tells Curt to please keep his voice down, but he’s already walking away towards the plants to touch them and all she can do is watch, at a loss. “I wanna know if they’re actually pointy,” he says, quieter this time.

Gale sits down in one of the chairs, which has a seat that’s entirely too deep and a back that’s entirely too short. But he curls up on it like a cat, bringing his feet up and pulling his knees close to his chest. “That can’t be good for your back,” Bucky points out.

Gale flips him off – and the phone he’s recording with. Bucky tells him that that is definitely going in the final video. Gale shoos Bucky away, closing his eyes.

Bucky wanders around for another minute, checking out some of the decor around the room – weird drapes and beads hanging from the ceiling, abstract statues of nothing, more plants. But, inevitably, he stops back in front of Gale again.

Gale opens his eyes. “Can I help you?”

“I’m bored,” Bucky complains, shoving his phone back in his pocket.

The corner of Gale’s lip quirks up. “We just got here.”

“It’s too quiet,” Bucky insists.

Gale squints at him. “It’s a mindfulness zone, darling.”

Cue fangirls freaking out over Gale calling Bucky ‘darling.’

“Let’s go to the game room or something instead.” Bucky perks up like a literal lightbulb went off in his head “Oh! Or the USA House.”

“We’re going to the USA House later,” Gale reminds him. Just like they went the day before and will likely go the day after. It’s Bucky’s favorite place to meet people, drink, and be generally obnoxiously American.

“Game room then.”

Gale sighs. “I’ve changed my mind. You’re the least mindful person I know.” He motions to Curt, who is still standing next to a plant, mindlessly stroking one of the weird leaves. “At least he’s having a moment with that thing.”

Bucky is bouncing from foot to foot now, buzzing with too much energy for this place. “It’s boring here,” he complains again.

Gale tilts his head, narrowing his eyes at him. “You take your ADHD meds today?”

Bucky shakes his head and shrugs. “Ran out.”

“John, what the hell?”

Bucky ignores him and instead reaches down to grab Gale’s hand, tugging on it. “Come on, Buck.”

The same staff member from earlier gives them a look and opens her mouth to say something – presumably that they need to be quiet – but Gale puts a hand up. “Don’t worry,” he tells her. “We’ll go.”

Bucky smiles and kisses Gale’s knuckles before pulling him up out of the chair.

—

“What are you doing?” Gale slumps his shoulders with a heavy sigh, watching Bucky with an eyebrow raised as the gymnast shoves his phone into Curt’s waiting hands. Croz and Benny are off to the side, pretending to be Olympic boxers while they wait for whatever is about to happen.

It’s been a week and a half of Bucky forcing Gale to have an online presence, and he’s resigned himself to being a prop in the social media series of Bucky’s life. He won’t admit that he’s kind of flattered by the attention people seem to be giving him, but he’d be just as fine being a nobody around here.

“You just stay there and look pretty, angel,” Bucky says dismissively.

Cue fangirls freaking out over Bucky calling Gale ‘angel.’

“Right here?”

Bucky looks over his shoulder. Gale is standing awkwardly in the middle of the broad sidewalk, which is lined with the flags of all the countries represented in the Games, at the front of the village. “Yeah. Put your hand in your pocket or something. Act like you don’t hate life.”

Gale rolls his eyes but straightens up, replacing the scowl on his face with something more relaxed. He shoves one hand into the pocket of his blue jeans. As is protocol, all of them are decked out in red, white, and blue USA wear. Gale is wearing a form-fitting white t-shirt with “USA” printed in red and blue across the chest, showing off shoulders that are broader than anyone would think at first look when they see his slender frame on horseback. Bucky’s barely been able to keep his hands off him all day.

“Better,” Bucky calls out. “Stay like that!”

Gale looks around as other athletes pass, a few sending questioning or flirty looks his way. One comes up to him, congratulates him on his team and individual medals, and asks to trade a pin. Gale smiles and nods, handing over a USA pin in exchange for New Zealand. Bucky gets a little lost in the way Gale blushes a bit and excitedly adds the pin to his lanyard after the other athlete walks away. Gale won’t know until later that that was caught on video, too.

“Go,” Curt says, snapping Bucky out of it.

He jogs away from Curt and the camera, right towards Gale, who looks up in confusion and alarm. He reaches out towards Bucky, but Bucky grabs Gale around the waist and sweeps him off his feet, spinning him around in a circle. Gale can’t help but laugh as he’s swung through the air, eyes locked right on Bucky. When his feet hit the ground again, the gymnast is tugging at his hand, and he follows, stumbling a bit to catch up. They run together, laughing, back towards Curt, and Bucky blows a kiss at the camera before the video cuts off.

The title is Meeting the love of your life at the Paris Olympics

—

“Buck!”

Gale looks up from his phone to see Bucky walking up to him, phone in hand and already recording. Last Gale checked, Bucky was going to get a second coffee, but that plan seems to have gone by the wayside somewhere between leaving two minutes ago to stare at the menu and coming back now.

“The world wants to know what pins you have and what you still need so they can get them to you.”

Gale laughs with a sweet little smile and sips his coffee. They’re sitting at one of the cafes in the village early in the morning, and Gale’s hair is still a bit messy from sleep (Bucky totally started recording now for that very reason – everyone loves it, including him). Gale pulls his lanyard up over his head and lays it down on the table.

“Holy shit, Buck,” Bucky laughs. Bucky, the charismatic and hot-as-hell men’s gymnastics all-around gold medalist, is a popular figure in the village. He talks to just about every single person he comes across and makes friends everywhere he goes, but not even he has as many pins as Gale. “You need another lanyard! How’d you even get this many?”

“Dunno,” Gale shrugs. “People just come up to me.” Bucky is going to point out the fact that it’s because everyone thinks he’s hot and wants to talk to him. But before he can, Gale is proudly showing his favorite pins, including the Dominican Republic, Fiji, Mexico, Costa Rica, Australia, China, and of course, the Beacon the Good Boy pin.

“Oh that one’s nice,” Bucky says, pointing to the pin from Puerto Rico. As he scans over the others, he stops with a finger on one of the most infamous pins of the games. “How the fuck did you get Snoop Dogg’s?”

Gale glances up at him, like it’s obvious. “Bumped into him at dressage finals.”

“Of course you did.”

“He came by the stables after and I introduced him to Whiskey.” Bucky’s speechless. But Gale glosses over that fact like it’s completely not a big deal at all and continues talking about the pins.

“I’m still lookin’ for Sri Lanka, les Seychelles, Hong Kong, Tanzania…”

Bucky shifts the camera to himself. “He really wants the Tanzania one, guys,” he says. “He won’t stop talkin’ about it.”

“It has a giraffe,” Gale mutters, still looking through his pins to identify which he’s missing that he still wants. “Oh, Tonga.”

Bucky laughs. “Hear that, guys? Buck and Tonga Man, the crossover this world needs. Let’s make it happen!”

Somehow, Gale finds himself running into an athlete from each of those countries within the next 24 hours alone, and he proudly adds the pins to his collection. The world even gets a picture of him and Tonga Man together, looking very seriously at the camera as they hold up their pin-filled lanyards.

Afterwards, Bucky grabs the lanyard around Gale’s neck and pulls him close. “Now stop flirting with other hot men and kiss me instead.”

“I’m not flirting,” Gale protests. But Bucky’s lips are on his before he can say anything else.

#everyone tries to flirt with Gale #and Bucky gets jealous #the muffins #the athlete village #the boys being idiots #the pin trading!#clegan olympics au #clegan #clegan fic #mota #masters of the air #john egan #gale cleven #buck x bucky #bucky egan #buck cleven

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thewertsearch · 7 months ago

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Let's kick things off with a mega-giga ask compilation!

I've spent the last couple of days working through the backlog, and I've been able to answer some quite old asks that were spoilers at the time they were sent.

@kintatsu asked: So, I was rereading your blog, and got to the post where you determine that John's 13th birthday was a Monday, and complain on his behalf that he couldn't really relax due to having the whole schoolweek ahead of him. Well, I checked, and the previous day was the first Sunday after the first full moon after the equinox, i.e. Easter Sunday. So it might have been a holiday week.

John entered the Medium shortly after Easter Sunday, and he did so by biting into an apple. Forget about the god tiers – his most powerful transformation is clearly Catholic Beast Mode.

Anonymous asked: The thing about knowing your Aspect, I think, is that it's the Aspect you most GET. I GET Space and Light, I understand them completely, they are suffused in my bones and my blood, they are writ large upon my brain and every base in my DNA. What aspect do you just GET?

To be honest, I don’t think I know enough about any Aspect to ‘get’ it.

If I had to choose, then I'd probably feel the most natural affinity for Life and/or Doom – and if was forced to pick one, I’d say I'm very slightly more drawn to Life, just based on vibes.

@mhafanlol2000 asked: I think the horrorterror’s plan (or the closest thing we can comprehend) is CHAOS-by which I mean LIFE. Skaia is order. If it can want, then it wants its players to follow the script it has written-the Alpha. It wants propagation, the snake to eat it’s own tail, blah blah blah. That is order. That is perfect servitude. That is NOT life. The gods, meanwhile, want chaos. It wants its servants to live. It does not tell people to do anything. It simply gives them the facts, and says “here is what you should do. You can not, you can do whatever the hell.” It wants romance, conflict, CHAOS. that is life.

And if this theory is accurate to the canon Life aspect, then I feel justified in my affinity for it. It falls fairly closely in line with my own philosophy.

@necrowyrm asked: When searching your blog I always type "thew" before Tumblr autocompletes your URL. That has become who you are to me.. Thew, Glorious Liveblogger, navigating the treacherous seas of Homestuck

Sally ‘Thew’ Ertsearch, reporting in. 🫡

Anonymous asked: there's actually another arthurian joke to do with dave's land/quest. have another look at the disc platform that bro stabbed. how would you describe the shape of that turntable?

Ayy, Dave's a Knight of the Round Turntable! Honestly, that'd be a pretty great name for his theme song.

@caliquill asked: kanaya vs rose would be absolutely hilarious but. kanaya IS the original "I Can Fix Her" girl for a reason.

Anonymous asked: the only real requirement for a name suggestion to be picked was that the firstname was 4 letters. but by really cool coincidence strider and lalonde are 7 letters, and egbert and harley are 6, and if you add those together its 4/13! similarly, both the trolls names were required to be 6 letters (i think hussie mixed and matched them actually, some of the firstnames were suggested as surnames and vice versa) so theres a similar case to be made for 6/12. but just doubling the same number i think holds less water than adding together two different numbers

Number symbolism is just very flexible in general. All Hussie really had to do was introduce a few 'important' numbers, and the fandom could start finding them everywhere!

Anonymous asked: This may be the wrong place to ask, but have you deleted your post of analyzing the Let the Squiddles Sleep song? I can't seem to find it anywhere.

Here it is. Hopefully you're able to see it now!

Anonymous asked: Will the Mega-Ask-Compilation and Liveblog Recap also happen? ~LOSS (19/2/23)

The former is currently taking place. The latter was planned, but after skimming my blog for a bit, I realized I didn't have as much to say about it as I thought I did. Plus, it's been ages, so I'm really excited to look at some new pages. We can leave the old ones for later - I'll probably do some sort of blog retrospective eventually.

Anonymous asked: i figure the trolls' battlefield went through a full set of dnd dice/platonic solids, plus maybe some other notable johnson solids like a truncated icosahedron (aka a soccer ball or buckminsterfullerene), before becoming a sphere. maybe the outer ring went through stages like simple torus, mobius strip, borromean rings or other fun knots, before becoming a mobius net. (not really sure what a mobius net is, mathematically, but that's apparently what the thing around the final form of the kid's battlefield is called.) or maybe something weird happens with that many prototypings, and the battlefield turns into a tesseract or a klein bottle or a menger sponge or a mandelbulb.

If you so much as look at the Battlefield created by the Gigasession, your brain will leak out of your ears.

@manorinthewoods asked: <3Dave, >3>John, >3oJade, <>Rose (by process of elimination) ~LOSS (5/6/23)

I don’t think either of the girls have worn a playing card symbol. The leaf on Jade’s Wardrobifier does kind of look like a spade, but John’s already got that quadrant on lockdown.

Anonymous asked: Reading stuff about skaia on this blog reminded me of madoka, and made me consider that skaia might be like kyube and the other incubators and sburb is skaias way of keeping the unerverse from decaying

Reading this ask makes me realize that Rose is a near-perfect mark for Kyubey.

There’s only one way to save your session, Seer. Form a contract with me, and become a magical girl.

Anonymous asked: man. i dont know what i expected to happen when you found it. but for The Baby Is You to be liveblogged in less than 20 words during a post was not the way i expected it to go

I know it’s not technically part of Homestuck canon, but it really feels like Homestuck canon to me - at least to the same degree as Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, and I liveblogged that.

Anonymous asked: begging (lightheartedly) for you to add posts like LOLCAT and "this guy's an orb" to one of the liveblog tags. they're pretty funny, and it's nice to see off-the-cuff reactions like that, haha. imo it'd be a shame for new readers to miss those kind of posts

Done! I sometimes forget to tag posts like that, because I usually just fire them off and forget about ‘em.

@captorations asked: “Give me a set of rules, and I'll analyze the hell out them, every time.” hello fellow doom player. hope you like the color green

Based on ~ATH’s association with curses, as well as Sollux’s programming hobby, I think there’s a decent chance that Doom relates to coding in some way.

Coding is all about rules, so perhaps Doom, is, in fact, the aspect of rules and logic. I'm not sure why such an aspect would be named 'doom', but it's been obvious for a while that these aspect names aren't always literal.

Anonymous asked: I’d just like to clarify some terminology because it seems relevant, but Aradia isn’t a red blood, she’s a rust blood

[The blood colors all have canon names: Aradia = rust blood Tavros = bronze blood Sollux = gold blood Nepeta = olive blood Kanaya = jade blood Terezi = teal blood Vriska = blue blood (I like cerulean better tho) Equius = indigo blood Gamzee = purple blood Eridan = violet blood Feferi = fuchsia blood and Karkat has no official blood name, but people usually call him mutant blood or candy-red blood - C ]

Oh, there are official names for each color? That’s going to be helpful to disambiguate each blood caste, especially when we really start digging into troll culture and biology.

Anonymous asked: I do believe the top-left ship on the wall - no, Karkat doesn't have red eyes. […] It's probably Vrisrezi, yes, but it could also be Vriskat.

Yeah, I’m still not sure who this ship is supposed to represent.

They have Terezi’s eyes, but the hair and symbol look like Karkat’s. Plus, Nepeta hates this ship, which would make sense if it’s between her crush and someone other than her.

Honestly, my best guess is that it was meant to be Karkat, and the red eyes were just a mistake on Hussie’s part.

Anonymous asked: something I never thought about… is the blue blood sourced from equius or did he get a stock.

Aradia has real blue indigo blood in her veins, and it almost certainly belongs to Equius himself. He could have got it from a donor, but I personally doubt there was anyone else he could ask. Equius feels like he'd be an outsider, even to other indigo-bloods.

Anonymous asked: vriska would be a good strider

Vriska Serket raised by Bro Strider would be the most terrifying character imaginable. I don't even want to contemplate what that upbringing would do to her.

Anonymous asked: Any piece of lore hussie writes needs to contend with the fact that hussie is resolutely committed to the bit. Hence all the words on how different trolls are being entirely blasted aside by 'and then they're just grey humans anyway lmao'

That's the price of admission into Homestuck, for better or for worse. Hussie quite clearly enjoys screwing with us, and we have to take everything we see in the comic with a huge pinch of salt.

Anonymous asked: I'll disagree a bit on the phrasing that Eridan forces Feferi to <> him because firstly she doesn't even seem convinced that he would commit genocide and secondly she dropped him super easily once the lusus-feeding is no longer necessary. While understandable, that doesn't suggest to me someone who is obliged by Eridan's aggression to pacify him. I think she has much more agency in this relationship (or lack thereof I suppose) than that.

Feferi definitely had her doubts – but she must have believed that Eridan was dangerous to a certain degree, because that’s the basis of a moirallegiance.

Forced might not be the right word, but she certainly felt some amount of obligation to pacify him. She sure wasn’t in that relationship for the good of her health.

Anonymous asked: So, Vriska has a conversation with Karkat, where he says she seems to have blackrom feelings for Tavros, but that he doesn't think Tavros can even feel blackrom properly. Then she has another conversation with Tavros in which she antagonizes him, and he notices, but just kind of ignores it and doesn't respond emotionally. Then we see her make a huge dramatic redrom gesture and kiss him. She vacillated because he wasn't into her… incel behavior.

Yup. I’ve always held that Tavros never wanted anything to do with Vriska. He doesn't want to love or hate her - what he really wants is to live in a world where she doesn't exist.

Vriska’s refusal to accept this basic fact is one of the main reasons she’s decided to make his life a living hell.

Anonymous asked: I headcanon that troll blood is analog, but the empire culls non-digital colors because they make the troll race seem like a joke or something. Lol

If there were minor variations in blood color, the Empire probably wouldn’t want to acknowledge it, since the stratification of blood classes forms the basis of their society.

We haven’t seen any trolls besides our twelve (apart from Troll Will Smith) so we can’t compare the blood of two members of the same caste - but we can speculate. Human blood color is known to vary depending on its oxygenation level, and I imagine troll blood would reflect its current chemical composition in the same way.

Anonymous asked: Vriska must be seething while Karkat introduces the concept of quadrants to the reader. Imagine this basic and important facet of troll life, and you're just getting schoolfed it. (This message was sent on 20/10/22.)

This was a fun bit of weirdness from early Hivebent, wasn’t it? In retrospect, it's kind of hilarious that Karkat decided to infodump to Vriska about the obscure, niche topic of… dating.

@sanctferum asked: According to his formspring, Hussie's self-insert's classpect is Waste of Space. He also briefly considers Huss of Lips. This is obviously not meant to be taken seriously but. since you asked @absinthe-and-alabaster asked: i believe hussie said somewhere that FedoraFreak's classpect was "Gent of Piss" Anonymous asked: (not sure if this is technically a spoiler but) hussie has jokingly said that fedorafreak's class is a gent.

If Dad Egbert was a Player, then the Gent class would be forced into canonical existence, as the only class that could possibly define him.

Anonymous asked: If Vriska's control does require the victim to on some level want to do the thing, then Sollux's insistence that you do not under any circumstance eat the mind honey could be something he developed in response to that incident. So that if she ever controls him again, she won't be able to make him eat it.

Wow, I never considered that. That’s a very good (and tragic) take, and I think I'm at least locking it in as a headcanon.

Anonymous asked: the official extended zodiac actually has… 288 signs, if im doing my math right? and also probably hadn't yet been conceptualized when that page was posted (the earliest known evidence comes from 2015). i don't know if any thought was put into the number or if it was just pulled from their ass, but there was a running gag in hussie's q&as where he repeatedly threatened us with a 10,000 page intermission focused on 48 squiddles, each representing a sign from the alternian zodiac Anonymous asked: I believe the troll zodiac is one of the few things in HS lore that was truly retconned, there’s actually 288 signs.

Move over, 48 Squiddles. I want to hear about the 288-player clusterfuck that actually gave rise to Alternia!

@manorinthewoods asked: wheee, you got to the first god tiering! this probably opens up a load of new things to say, so, first off: do you think you need to have a full echeladder to god tier? vriska implied so.

She never outright stated that it was required, but I still think it probably is. You generally need to max out your class levels before you can prestige.

@morganwick asked: Believe it or not, you're still in the "Homestuck could have updated RIGHT NOW" phase of the comic's release schedule. The break after the Equius-Aradia kiss aside, the hiati you've heard horror stories about didn't start becoming a thing until the end of Act 5.

[this was around page 3000. still true at this page though - C]

Hussie’s sheer productivity at this stage continues to astound. Could you imagine having that much creative energy?

Maybe Hussie just drinks twenty coffees a day.

Anonymous asked: as someone who is Normal about aradia it's an absolute delight to see someone dig into her character. she's so fascinating to me. (also, fun fact, a while ago tumblr voted her the coolest character in all of homestuck. so there's that)

Aradia’s awesome, and I still don’t think her death is going to stick.

Her ghost was perfectly capable of existing without a body, so there's no reason she can’t survive her new body's destruction.

Anonymous asked: feferi hasn't just woken up, she won't be stuck asleep until 3 hours and 14 minutes into the future! timestamps, yo

Consider this the first mark on my otherwise impeccable record.

Anonymous asked: does cat have a troll/kidsona? itd be interesting to see a full 4 player session in art

[No kidsona, yes trollsona, but even a picture of her would spoil stuff from Act 6 😆 - C]

What she said. It’ll be a while until we can meet KATYAA SCRENR.

@mhafanlol2000 asked: Hey! You can just call me Fan. In all honesty I’m just some guy who likes your liveblog. He/him. I’m gonna list some fan aspects, and I want to see what you think they’d represent, and what abilities they’d give Law Dreams Might Shape Flow

Ooh, more fan aspects! These were a lot of fun to puzzle out the last time.

Law would be the aspect of command, instruction and agreement. An example power would be giving someone a simple rule they're compelled to follow, such as 'don't turn around'.

Dreams would be the aspect of ideas, motivation and symbolism. An example power would be the ability to detect people's idle thoughts - the things they're not even aware they're thinking about.

Might would be the aspect of growth, conflict and evolution. An example power would be the ability to temporarily enhance someone's Aspect abilities, at the cost of making those abilities harder to control.

Shape would be the aspect of form, encapsulation and topology. Shapeshifting is the most obvious application of this aspect, but it's appropriate.

Flow would be the aspect of persistence, momentum and continuity. An example power would be the ability to 'continue' something that has recently stopped. For example, if your PC ran out of power, they'd be able to keep it running for a while. The longer it had been previously running, the longer they could keep it running.

@martinkhall asked: I think Bro might have been raised entirely by shonen anime and My Little Pony Friendship is Magical (the version that existed only in the heads of the worst examples of Bronys). And puppets. Puppets were definitely involved in raising Bro. Anonymous asked: "He has no known relationship with any of the other parents, but was definitely getting foreknowledge of Sburb from somewhere. I’m not even sure I want to know what sort of childhood produces Bro Strider." well. i mean. he grew up with Lil Cal didn't he? the clearly haunted puppet from the sburban dreamscape of derse? it was what he dropped to earth with. i feel like that might explain at least a small part of, like, whatever he had going on.

That’s true. I don’t trust that puppet one bit, and we don’t know what it was up to before the start of the session.

I still suspect that the thing’s still just as alive as it was on Derse, and is just choosing to play dead.

Anonymous asked: I imagine you might've already been told this, but when checking out your FAQ I noticed you described PS/PQ/FS as "not exactly canon" and that you're less interested in liveblogging them because one of your favorite parts is watching all the story come together -- without spoiling anything, I find it pertinent to mention that Pesterquest & Friendsim definitely contribute to the wider "canon" even though dubiously canon themselves. Definitely "part of the story" so to speak.

Yeah, we’ll have to see what comes of this. The problem is that I’m still fuzzy on what ‘dubiously canon’ actually means.

Hopefully that will become more clear as I’m actually liveblogging these tie-in materials – which I am planning on doing. Only time will tell how in-depth the liveblog will actually be, though.

@manorinthewoods asked: In my Sundered opinion, Bec Noir is the best character design in Homestuck. I can't think of any other interesting designs at the moment, other than some which don't beat him and are spoilers anyway (like LE's). Which design do you find most interesting, out of the ones you have? ~LOSS (22/9/23)

I definitely agree that BecJack has one of the best designs in the comic. Plus, Scratch is so weirdly intimidating for a cueball-head.

Anonymous asked: My favorite part of PKWU is just how pointy Gamzee's chin is. It's so… Defined.

iT’s ToO lAtE, ErIdAn! I’vE AlReAdY DePicTeD MySeLf As ThE ChAd, AnD yOu As ThE SoYjAk >:o)

Anonymous asked: i need you to know ag canonically ripped off the sleeves on all of her shirts just to show off the robot arm

I believe it. I don't even need a source; this is just so true to Vriska's character that it's obviously correct.

@bladekindeyewear asked: If you and your ask screener decide that literary/external-media hero title examples without any details or explanation are alright to pass on unless they're too obviously revealing -- and those in and of themselves are usually in heavy dispute by classpect theorists -- I've long been of the opinion that Monkey D. Luffy and Peter Pan are the best possible literary examples of a Page of Breath.

All Pages of Breath must be associated with pirates. No exceptions.

Anonymous asked: unfun fact: the reason rose and jade dont have a lot of pesterlogs with eachother is just because their text colours were kinda eyestrainy together. thats it thats literally the whole reason!! god damn

Hussie: "I don't write Rose/Jade conversations because they’re hard to read."

Also Hussie:

Anonymous asked: you have officially passed my second favourite flash in literally all of homestuck. it's all so well hinted at beforehand but it still comes to punch you in the gut nonetheless Anonymous asked: My favourite thing in this flash is how the name of the flash isn't John: Rise Up, it's JOHN. RISE UP. it's WV sending a plead to John to not die. My second favourite thing is the way the music remixes Doctor (The theme for LoWaS). Anonymous asked: [S] JOHN. RISE UP. is one of my favorite flashes in all of Homestuck. Savior of the Waking World is some of Toby's best work What are your thoughts on our first taste of god tier? @violetsquare111 asked: So glad you liked Savior of the Waking World! One of my favorites in the comic for sure. It takes a lot of ideas from another of Toby's songs, Penumbra Phantasm, a song that… never actually got finished or officially released. There's still various renditions of it though, and the HS collection links a couple of em. (Some people have speculated that Penumbra Phantasm itself was never supposed to be a Homestuck song, and might end up being used in Deltarune, which would be cool as hell) Anonymous asked: It's crazy to think that just about 12 hours ago John was wearing silly disguises to fool his dad and now he's dying to become a god.

God time!

I do think it was the most emotional flash we’ve had, on the strength of the music alone. Savior of the Waking World goes hard as all hell.

Honestly, when WV started calling John a hero, and telling him to rise, it did start to give me some mild chills. Like, yeah – we know John’s a hero, but it feels extra special when it’s coming from someone who’s normally so irreverent.

@elkian asked: Welcome back, hope you're feeling better! I am losing it a bit over you IMMEDIATELY understanding how this coin flip sitch works, something about the narrative and reasoning doesn't match my brain so I've reread it multiple times with total understanding out of grasp and watching you dissect it halfway into the page is truly wild (delighted). Also feel like I understand it a lil better with your analysis.

Thank you! This message was actually sent the last time I returned from a pause, so apologies that I’m one hiatus late in answering it.

@royalvorpal asked: I just reread your entire blog in anticipation. Anonymous asked: This is such a good liveblog, I'm rereading it again and you are really letting me relive the pleasant parts of my middle school years. Reading this blog makes me feel like I'm back on the school bus talking to my friend about the newest update. Thank you for doing this 💛 Anonymous asked: That return page didn't have any sound, so misleading! (I jest, nice to see you're back.) ~DJ @manorinthewoods asked: Hahahah, we are BACK! Lovely, I've missed this liveblog. Most in-depth Homestuck liveblog I'm aware of, looking forward to the restart! ~LOSS (29/3/24) @popcornsalty asked: So excited to see you back!!! :D @chaosorchestrator asked: welcome back! It's good to hear that you're planning on getting back into it! I hope things have been going ok for you in the meantime! @necrowyrm asked: HAPPY 4/13 (OR AS THE ENLIGHTENED KNOW IT: 13/4) AND WELCOME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for your votes of confidence, and happy 13/4 to you all!

@rippledphysique asked: Just found this blog and devoured it in a few days. I am selfishly wishing you the best in health and life so that it may return one day… @elkian asked: Hey Sally! Just wanted to wish you well on the recovery, the plague is no joke and I hope you've been able to enjoy some kind improvement. And that 2024 will be kinder, as well. Anonymous asked: wishing you the best in your interim, hopefully you can get a better position where you're not prone to burning out! Anonymous asked: Hope you're doing ok!! I miss seeing your cool liveblog on my dash @kittycatttmattt asked: Poor girl… Got killed by the schedule

Thanks for all the well-wishes, as well. Really, it wasn’t the schedule that was the issue – I just had a lot going on in the background last year. That’s all over now, though!

Anonymous asked: yeah, Homestuck's back babeyyyyy - the site was crashing because of traffic and everything @calamitascalliope asked: You coming back from your break resurrected Homestuck's corpse hggfffdd Anonymous asked: i think this actually is the first time homestuck has updated since you started liveblogging lol - homestuck 2 has been inactive assumed abandoned since december 25th 2020. also happy slightly belated blogiversary btw - you've been delighting us with your journey for two years now! @heliotropopause asked: New Homestuck upd8 just dropped. Apparently. Anonymous asked: what are the odds that you start liveblogging again the same exact day that postcanon comes back from the dead? Anonymous asked: crazy news. so literally just today, october 8th 2023, hussie has officially given complete free license to the newly formed "homestuck independent creative union" (HICU) to create content and monetize it with the homestuck brand however they see fit, with zero creative or financial control from any corporations or even hussie themself, though hussie has said they're available for consultation whenever the HICU wants their input. the HICU seems to be made up of people the community largely has respect for, and the person heading all of this up is James Roach, who is one of the most widely respected individual who has been inolved in homestuck "post canon" (ie. after homestuck itself ended). nobody was expecting any of this, it's completely bonkers. hopes are looking pretty high for homestuck compared to where they were merely a day ago.

Throwback to the day I personally resurrected Homestuck.

Has anything come of this since, actually? I haven’t heard anything about this new comic – although I do scroll in the opposite direction any time I see a reference to Homestuck, so I guess it makes sense that I wouldn’t.

@corporalotherbear asked: What’s your favorite Pokémon?

Contrarian, that I am, I’ll instinctively gravitate to Missingno., if only for the nostalgia factor. Gen 1 glitches were my first real experience with pulling back the curtain of a game’s code, and taking a look at what lies beneath.

My favourite official Pokémon are Porygon-Z, Shedinja, Reuniclus and Metagross!

@heliotropopause asked: Breath/Light is an interesting one, because the ‘Mixolydian’ implies a musical theme, and I thought Time was the musical Aspect. Maybe it’s not that simple. They've all got a musical reference in the name- they are called fraymotifs, after all. Anonymous asked: The Fraymotifs are all musical references actually. E.g. Breath/Time is "Ivories in the Fire", the ivories in question being John's piano keys. A fraymotif is a battle theme. Anonymous asked: ivories in the fire is a musical theme, especifically a Rap term used by Snoop Dogg. So yeah it's connected to Dave Anonymous asked: re: fraymotifs: you pointed out "mixolydian", but that's not the only musical term there. feather "cadence", pneumatic "progression", even fray "motif" itself! hell, the building where you buy these things has an emblem with a crossed sword and music note! so i think this might be less a situation of "need to rethink time aspects association with music" and more "fraymotifs have a musical association also" Anonymous asked: if you look a bit closer at those names, (including the one "fraymotif",) you may realize that "mixolydian" isn't the only musical term referenced…. @galaxa-13 asked: You say the breath/Light Fraymotif implies a musical theme, but they all do! Fraymotif is a portmanteau of "fray" (to fight) and "leitmotif" (repeated musical phrase). Each Fraymotif name implies a musical theme.

Dang it. Yup, they’re all pretty obvious references to music.

I wrote that post the day I was trying to wrangle our family PC into running the Homestuck Collection without lag, so I was a little distracted at the time. Please direct all complaints to Windows XP.

#asks #full liveblog #act 5.2 #this is just the first part of the comp. I have enough asks for another one. maybe another two. we'll see

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rex101111 · 4 months ago

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Ratchet and Clank size matters got added to the PSN store and I got a a major nostalgia pang so I went "eh, why not" and quickly played through it. And I do mean quickly, I know it was a PSP title but dang, last time I finished a R&C game this quick i played Nexus. Anyway, the thing that struck me about this game is that Ratchet is...a bit of an asshole here. And that struck me as odd because for the last few entries...he isn't.

Like this is still early series Ratchet, still on the PS2/PSP, released just before the first PS3 title, which was in retrospect a bit of an incredibly soft reboot. In the newer games, Ratchet is a fairly straight forward protag, nice, willing to help, only a little bit sarcastic if he's really strapped for time or dealing with someone especially annoying. Early Ratchet? Early Ratchet was a jackass, a dick, a selfish, quick tempered loner that only went on this quest because there was a tangible, direct benefit to him specifically. Seriously, in the first game Ratchet couldn't go two sentences without insulting somebody, and that's when he's in a good mood. In act 2 he's even worse, gnashing his teeth at everyone he talks to and threatening to sell Clank for scrap. It takes hours of in game time and half a dozen levels before Ratchet finally chills out, and a few more levels before he actually resolves to act like any sort of hero, and even that only happens after something he personally cares about gets threatened. Ratchet could give a damn, he can be convinced to help people, but he's still a selfish person who needs the situation rubbed in his nose before he realizes how dire it is. Clank having faith in him, throughout the entire game, even when he's being a dick, even when Clank himself is furious with him, meant something. When in the penultimate level he says "that's the Ratchet I always knew was there" and Ratchet brushes him off, you buy it, that beneath this sharp outside there's someone with the capacity to be a hero, an actual hero, a hero who isn't selfless, but one capable of overcoming his selfishness when it matters most.

Back when the first game came out, people complained about this, about their platformer mascot protag being a huge dick, and even the very next game addressed this by toning him down a smidge, but Ratchet in the PS2 trilogy is still very much not a perfect sunshine person. He's very sarcastic, pretty cynical, is very quick to call other people on their bullshit, and still has a very short temper. (Plasma city, anyone?) Ratchet had texture to him, he bounced off the much more straightforwardly nice Clank in a lot of ways, their friendship felt like it had weight and meant something because these two had so many differences between them that the fact they did get along so well and cared about each other so much showed that their friendship was genuine. I like the newer Ratchet and Clank games, played every one of them, but I've never been really happy with the direction they took with Ratchet. Each game made him nicer, friendlier, smoothing down his edges. And the reboot game had it the worst, they retold the first story, where Ratchet was at his worst and a major thread of the plot was him learning to get over his bullshit, but had the sanded down kitty cat of the later games instead of having confidence in their early work. Dickhead Ratchet worked, he had a place and it gave him a place to grow, while still maintaining his inherit sharpness. Ratchet should get to be an asshole again, just for a bit, let him get angry, properly. Sure, he's a hero who's saved two galaxies three times over and then some, but he did that while being a sarcastic little shit who made a joke about a plumber's ass crack showing and fired rockets at people while complaining about how high the prices are everywhere he went.

I dunno, maybe its a bit too late in the game to say this, but something got lost in the shuffle a while back, and getting a reminder of what was simply put it into perspective for me.

#ratchet and clank #random crap #just some loose thoughts #...i need to replay the trilogy again

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icannot3 · 1 year ago

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"Apologies and Tire-Swings"

Jimmy Darling x Reader

Word count: 3.1k (another long one wooo I'm on a roll)

Warnings: there's arguing? Idk if that should be a warning or not lmao. It ends on a good note!!! So no worries hehe

Taglist: @taintandviolent @lilthbunny @quickandsilvers @kaismanwich (comment if you'd like to be added!)

....................

The humid summer Florida air is where you find yourself feeling most at peace, among the many you love. There's nothing extravagant about your lifestyle, yet there's a deep level of contempt that radiates through you with warm, fuzzy delight that's hard to beat. Blood relations are irrelevant. Your family has always been within the circus, among the socially unacceptable that are all bonded by the oppression they face in the real world. It sparks a deep level of understanding and trust that can never be broken.

Being born and raised around the same people for eighteen years, you only found that Jimmy could hold such a special place in your heart, different from the others. A friendship that roots deeply into your childhood, flourishing through your teens and carrying now into young adulthood. Jimmy, your partner in crime, your sanction. Hell, your soulmate and other half. He was there through all of the good and the bad. There to wipe your tears when you were still scared of stages, there to cheer you on, there to beat up shitty ex-lovers and remind you how you always deserved better.

Truly, you have no clue what you would do without him.

Nothing brings up the pleasant feeling of nostalgia every summer like the first show of the year. You've been practicing your act since last season. As a contortionist, learning flips to impress the crowd in different ways is a necessity. You take pride in the fact that you managed to learn how to gracefully aerielle across the stage during the cold winter months. Jimmy, of course, was a big help, always spotting you and never letting you fall. He himself learned a couple more juggling tricks. Despite his talent, he still gets unbearably shy about showcaseing it every season.

Performance night is finally here after your long anticipated await. Jimmy is before you, which is how it's always been. Elsa is a woman of order who wouldn't dare to switch up the original line, even despite Jimmy's pleas against going first immediately after her opening. You hold one of his large hands between your own two. He's shaking but trying to play it off, yet another tradition before every show. You stroke his thumb, trying to ease his worries.

"Jimmy, I just know you're gonna do great! Just like every year. You've never disappointed." Your voice comes out as an encouraging whisper in order to not be heard over Elsa's singing. Jimmy swallows harshly, his breathing coming out in deep, shakey exhales. It's a method he's used since he was young to calm himself, something his mother taught him.

Elsa's singing comes to a grand end, colorful confetti exploding everywhere. Her beautiful performance brings an inspired uproar from the crowd. You release Jimmy's hand, stepping in front of him. He quickly grabs his props, the small box full of them almost slipping from his trembling hands. "You say that every year."

You chuckle, fixing his hair back to perfection by readjusting his curls. "And every year, I mean it just the same. Blow their minds, Jimmy. There's a reason you go first." Before he can even argue against your statement, his name is called onto the stage. You cheer behind the stage with the crowd, giving him one final push of encouragement. He's good at hiding his panic, smoothly proceeding to the middle of the platform and reciting his lines. He only stutters once but is quick to get back on track and play it off. You couldn't be more proud.

His hands work magic, although you can hardly see the shadow figures he uniquely creates with the florescent lights, the crowd gasps in awe, which tells you enough. He ends the first part of his act with a joke that makes many in the tent chuckle before moving on to the part he stresses over most. His worries are pointless. He takes three balls in his hands to start, tossing them skillfully in the air.

Jimmy is sweating, deeply concentrated on his task. So much so that he stood no chance when a foreign object in the crowd strikes him in the face. It's luckily not enough to hurt him, but the balls he once held fall to the ground and roll off the stage. You gasp, stunned by the ignorance of the act. Jimmy's concentrated face switches from that to one full of rage. He clenches his fists so tightly his knuckles turn white.

"Do something entertaining, freak!"

It's a deep masculine voice from the crowd. You share Jimmy's rage, wanting to scream at whoever dares to speak to him in such a manner. Part of you panics when you see Jimmy walk to the very front of the stage, his murderous rage clearly radiating across the room. "The fuck did you just say to me? I'll kick your ass!" Jimmy's shout booms intimidatingly across the room. Everyone knows that his threat is far from empty. You hear Elsa run across the stage, the hurried clanking of her heels being easy to distinguish. She makes an apologetic remark before escorting Jimmy away. He doesn't do much to fight her, but his piercing eyes never lose sight of the man in the crowd.

You take the backstage route off of the stage and search for Jimmy outside. Your act won't take place for a good while, so you know you have time to spare. He's mumbling something under his breath in a frustrated manner. You trot over to him, immediately placing a hand on his shoulder. "Jimmy, I'm so sorry, are you okay?"

He doesn't respond, flinching away from your touch instead. Jimmy continues to quickly trudge forward, eventually meeting a tree. He punches it hard. The bark crumbles away from the place of impact as he grabs his red knuckles. You once again run back up to him, putting yourself between him and the tree. "Jimmy, stop! You're hurting yourself."

"I can't keep doing this. I won't be treated that way - it ain't right." He sounds so hopeless, like the fire within him has been put out. His hot rage has simmered down to defeated ashes that fall to the ground. His eyes are red, and the sight brings you pain. You try to bring a hand to his cheek to wipe away the moisture, but he pushes it away. "Jimmy, you can't let this stuff bother you so much. It's not worth it."

He scoffs, taking a step away from you. "Like you would ever fucking know what it feels like." Jimmy looks away, his annoyance clear in his movements. "You're not a freak. You never have been. You have no clue what it's like to be looked down on. When you walk through town, no one says a damn thing or stares at you like you're a monster. You don't ever have to worry about goin' into a diner and being denied service because of how you look." His words are true. You were adopted into the circus only because you were dropped off and abandoned next to one as a baby of only a few hours old. It just so happened that you were born with the skill of extreme flexibility. But his statement hurts like a knife twisting inside of your chest. "I know, I'm not taking away from what you go through at all. I'm just saying that at the end of the day, none of this matters. No one in that crowd matters, Jimmy! Nothing bad they say about you is true, that just comes with this career."

"Well, maybe I'm not like you, and I don't want to be cooped up in some dead-end circus where I get disrespected the moment I walk on stage." Jimmy delivers his final blow before stomping in the opposite direction. "Go back to your fucking show." Immediate rage fills you whole. He's never spoken to you in such a way. For that matter, the two of you have never even argued. You feel wronged, and the shock leaves you infuriated. You can almost pull your hair out from frustration. It was only your intention to help him, and he took it to the extremes. Instead of arguing more with him, which feels like speaking to a brick wall, you head back to the tent to finish the night and hopefully blow off some steam. When you return, no one dares to utter a word about your disappearance once they see your agitated state.

Even weeks later, you couldn't help but wonder if Jimmy had always perceived you in such a foul manner. You feel judged and betrayed when thinking back on it. The stubbornness you both share in common has left things silent between you both, not a single word uttered about the matter. Even Ethel was beginning to grow worried, as the two of you before were inseparable. Eve stopped you the one day, appearantly she tried to pry the issue out of Jimmy first but he refused to even discuss the matter. You simply told her that he needed to get over himself without much further explanation, which left anyone invested in the drama all the more confused.

Jimmy, out of rebellion, decided to stop performing in shows. This did little to keep the peace between he and Elsa. She would push him, but with that, Jimmy would shove and dissappear for days on end. Everyone was growing increasingly concerned, and you wouldn't have agreed to speak to Jimmy had Ethel herself not come to you personally; worried sick for her son. She explained how she believes you're truly the only one who can talk any sense to him. And how could you say no to the woman who practically raised you?

You decided to leave a note on the door on Jimmy's camper, which was a request to meet you at a nearby lake. You inquire that it would make you feel better about meeting him if he shows the mutual effort of trying to reconnect by coming. The spot holds a special sentiment between you two. Each summer in your youth was spent there for hours each day until the sun went down, having the time of your lives. Your heart flutters when you immediately find the old tire-swing still up on the same tree. You don't dare to touch it, scared the weakened rope would snap. All of the pleasant memories would be shattered. Jimmy was always such a gentleman when he was younger. He'd push you on that swing for hours if you asked him, never requesting you do the same in return.

You wait for an hour, maybe two. With night approaching and the soothing sound of the frogs chirping, you nearly fell asleep. Until you heard the quiet rustling of greenery behind you. There Jimmy stood, for a moment you almost entirely forgot about the dispute. A shred of happiness sprouted from seeing him in this place again after many years of abandonment. Although he'd grown into a young man, you could still make out the softness left in his cheeks and warmth in his smile that remained from all those many years ago. Jimmy wordlessly seats himself beside you. This is the closest you two have been to each other in a while.

"Can't believe that tire swing is still up." Jimmy opts to break the silence. "It was hardly even hangin' on when we were kids." You melt, finally realizing how much you missed just talking to him. It puts your soul at ease. "Yeah, I wonder how skinny we must have been to be able to both squeeze in the center of that thing." Jimmy chuckles with you, the night air causing the swing to flow with the wind. Another string of awkward tension fills the silence. So many things fly through your mind as you try to think of what to say. Jimmy himself seems lost in his silence. You wonder if he's thinking the same thing.

"I'm sorry about everything. How I came off wasn't my intention. I don't fully understand your struggles, and I don't have a right to act like I do." You scooch closer to him, allowing his body to block some of the chilly breeze. "But because I don't understand what you go through, I just want you to know that you can always talk to me, okay? I want to understand so I can help. You know you can tell me anything, right?" Jimmy stares at you, his eyes traveling from your eyes to the ground.

He stretches his arm out, allowing you to fully lean in as he surrounds you with his warmth. The hug is comforting and fills you with relief. "Well, I acted like an ass. So, really, I should be apologizing. I didn't mean anything I said, I was angry and lost control of my words, and I just - I'm sorry." He rubs over the goosebumps on your arms, smoothing them out with his warmth. "I should have just told you what was botherin' me." You cock a brow in his direction, urging him to go on.

"Honestly, I feel so trapped here. It's like I have no choice over what I do with my life. Sometimes I think about runnin' away, somewhere that I can get a house and a real job. Have a family, a wife. Hell, maybe even a dog." This makes you giggle, Jimmy's always wanted a dog. Once, he tried to take in a stray until his mother found out he was hiding it in her trailer. She came home to discover her new pillows torn to shreds on the ground. It's safe to say he was not allowed to keep the poor sucker. "Point is, I wanna see what's out there. Maybe with you. I just took it way outta proportion and hurt you in the process when you had no clue."

You lean into his shoulder, pulling him in tightly. "Oh, Jimmy... There's absolutely nothing wrong with that." You shake your head. "I want you to be happy, and I'll support you every step of the way." His breathing halts for just a few seconds. You would have missed it if your head wasn't pressed against his chest. He's shakey, a lot like how he gets before a performance. You can tell something else is bothering him. But instead of prying him for a reason, you sit in silence, waiting for him to share what he's comfortable with. A few minutes are in silence, just the two of you basking in the affection of one another.

"Every time I think about runnin' away, I think about doing it with you." He's quiet, his words slow and calculated. The thought makes your head spin and chest feel tight. Except it's not a bad feeling. You embrace it like a warm blanket. "There's another thing I haven't told you."

Jimmy pulls you a little tighter, as if he's scared that if he lets go, you'll escape. "Truth is, I'm so damn in love with you it hurts. I have been since we were kids. I've been threatening your boyfriends for years to make them leave so that I could have you all to myself, as terrible as that is to say." His hand strokes your hair as he places his chin over your head. You can feel his heart rate accelerate, but you're confident that it isn't nearly as fast as your own. "I've loved you since we were too young to even know what that word means, all the way back to when we'd play tag in these fields unsupervised and laugh together for hours." He takes one final deep breath. "I don't ever wanna live a life without you, and I'll stay here forever if that's what you want because you mean the world to me. And if having you means that I gotta get up and sing or juggle on a stage every now and then, I'll gladly do that."

You're stunned, flustered beyond the point of recuperating. You begin to question every idea of friendship you've ever had with Jimmy. And you come to realize that you've been in love with Jimmy from the moment you met him. It was just seen as a forbidden thing you wouldn't dare to explore. But really, there was no use in that because he already had. This entire time. Jimmy Darling loves you in more than just a platonic way, and you couldn't be happier sitting between his arms in this moment knowing that fact.

His hand, his beautiful perfect hand, traces along your jaw. He motions for you to tilt towards his face. You allow him, letting his thumb graze over your bottom lip so delicately you could cry. His nose grazes against your own, the playful sentiment making you smile. Jimmy takes this as an opportunity. His lips capture your own tenderly. It's addictive, like the sweetest liquor in town that you just can't get enough of. He's caressing your cheek, taking his time melting into your touch. By the end of it, he has you completely breathless, but then he eagerly continues for more. He nibbles your lower lip, deepening the longing you feel for him. You wrap your hands around his back. Without a word, he's laying you on top of the soft grass and hungrily having his way, trailing an assortment of kisses and teasing bites down your neck. It's heavenly, a feeling you're sure you couldn't experience with any other.

A loud crash frightens you, followed by the harsh splash of something colliding with water. Jimmy covers you with his body, scouting the area of any danger. Pinned underneath of him, you're unable to see what's going on. Until you hear his hysterical laughter before he rolls off of you. Sitting up, you see for yourself what is responsible for the sound.

The damn tire-swing. Its time had finally come to an end, the rope seems to have snapped, and there it went, rolling into the lake. You found yourself not as upset about it as you thought you'd be, laughing along with him. Once you finally come out of your hysterics, you roll over and lay against Jimmy's chest, throwing a leg over his own. He rubs small circles into your back, savoring every second.

"I knew that thing was gonna fall."

#evan peters #fluff #ahs #american horror story #jimmy darling #jimmy darling x reader #jimmyyyy #jimmy darling fluff #angst

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