#adored Rummage - devastated she didn’t get a happy ending

[ragweed-babey]

Wrong

[messers-moony]

So Perfect | J.P

Paring: Young!James Potter X Fem!Lupin!Reader

Summary: James falls in love with a bookstore called, Lupin’s Library, and can’t believe what they’re going through. 

The bookstore was quiet most days. It was a tiny little two-story shop in London. The idea was it had a book for everyone. On the second story was a living quarter for the two siblings that worked at the shop. It was a small two-bedroom apartment, but it did what it was needed to do. 

Remus and Y/n Lupin were the owners of the shop. It was their eighteenth birthday gift from their parents. Growing up, their parents didn’t have much, so for them, it means a lot. The name of the shop was something simple - Lupin’s Library - but inside held memories that they would cherish forever. 

When they started the business, it was slow. Most days, no one would enter, and Y/n worked a separate job to help Remus pay the bills. But after a year it seemed that people preferred the shop over any other place in London. They enjoy the warmness of Remus’ smile and the radiant happiness from Y/n. 

Remus worked behind the counter at the register, and when there wasn’t a customer, he was reading on the stool he sat on. Y/n did inventory and stocked books. She didn’t like to sit still, preferring to be on her feet moving around. Sometimes early in the morning, she’d grab donuts to leave on the front counter for early customers. 

There was nothing like Lupin’s Library, and that’s why people loved it. 

The bell-ringing announced a new customer into the shop. It was a tiny ding, nothing majorly loud. Y/n was stocking books while Remus was sleeping upstairs in his room. Over the past winter, he had caught a nasty cold leaving Y/n to take over the bookstore until he got better while also trying to take care of him. 

“One moment, and I’ll be with you!” Y/n called as she slipped the last book into place. 

She skipped to make it behind the counter where she met a man about her age - twenty-five. He was taller than her, maybe just around six feet. His hair was messy and curled slightly at the ends. His eyes were a beautiful hazel, and he radiated a certain playfulness Y/n could get used to. 

“Mornin’ sir!” James was taken away by her light and fluffy accent, “What can I do for you today?”

He smiled, “Looking for something to read for my son.”

“How old is he?”

“He’s about to turn five.” James smiled proudly. 

“That’s adorable!” Y/n gushed, “Any way we have magic treehouse books, maybe he’d like those?” 

“Maybe, he’s been begging for new books.” James ran a hand through his hair, “It’s the only way I can get him to calm down.”

Y/n smiled, “You know, on Saturdays, I read to kids. If you want him to join us, he’s more than welcome. Saturdays, I read to kids five to nine. Sundays, I read to kids from ten to fifteen.”

“Wow,” James replied, “I’d love to take him in if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all!” She smiled, “Everyone’s welcome.”

James gave a grin in response as he searched the Library for these Magic Treehouse books. It took him five minutes before even finding the kids section, but when he did, James grabbed the set of them. He placed each book on top of another and brought them to the counter of the pretty girl. 

He watched at how gently and smoothly she moved the books to scan them. James was so focused he didn’t even notice her handing him the books and the receipt, “But I didn’t-“

“It’s on the house.” Y/n replied, “I’ll see you Saturday.”

James’ face flushed; he hadn’t felt this way since Lily, “I’ll- um- see you Saturday….”

He walked out of the shop with a happy smile placed on his face. James hadn’t felt flustered and nervous around a girl since Lily in seventh grade. He had been head over heels for her since then. They began dating in sophomore year and had Harry right out of high school. It was poor planning on their part, but Harry was everything James had dreamed of. It wasn’t until Harry’s second birthday when Lily said she couldn’t take it anymore. 

Not only had it broken James’ heart, but it broke Harry’s too. Harry had no idea where his momma had gone. What broke James’ heart the most was Lily saying she wanted absolutely nothing to do with either of them. Lily had placed the engagement ring on the wooden table, collected her things, and left, just like that. 

Then it was just them against the world. James and his little mini-me, as Sirius would say. Sirius was the one who recommended the bookshop. He wouldn’t shut up about how cute the boy behind the register was (“Oh James, his hair looks so fluffy!”). It was like hearing a broken record. James didn’t see the boy with fluffy hair, but he did see the girl with the radiant smile. 

That night James sat beside Harry in his twin bed. Harry was thrilled to see the new books on his shelf, and as James began reading, Harry became more hooked with each page. When James shut the book, Harry was devastated. He wanted to know more and finish the book! Alas, he had to go to sleep, and if he did, James promised him that they’d finish the book tomorrow. 

When James brought up going to Lupin’s Library on Saturdays, Harry was ecstatic! He couldn’t wait to meet the new kids and begin a new book. By the time Saturday rolled around, they had finished two of the Magic Treehouse books. James entered the shop with Harry in front of him, hands on the little boy's shoulders. Now at the counter, he saw the boy with fluffy hair. 

“Good afternoon, sir.” He greeted in the same soft accent, “Here for the kids reading circle?”

Harry nodded, and the boy chuckled, “Great. It’s just in that back corner.”

James thanked him before bringing Harry to the back corner, where kids were already sat on a rug. Blankets were spread among some of them, and the girl was sitting on a chair in the corner while the kids made a semi-circle around her. James beckoned Harry to sit, and James smiled at the girl in the chair. 

As the reading began, James decided to venture through the bookstore. The bookshelves were surprisingly clean and rid of any dust. The books were taken care of, not a crease or bent page unless he went into the used section. Some people preferred new books; some preferred used. There truly was a book for everyone in here. 

He made his way back to the front desk with some books he had gained from the shelves. A multitude of paperbacks and gently placed them on the counter. Remus put a bookmark in his book and began to scan each book just as smoothly as the girl. His hands didn’t seem as soft. They looked calloused and scarred. Sirius’ type, all the way. 

“You wouldn’t happen to see a boy with straight black hair in here sometimes?” Remus quirked an eyebrow, “Wears ripped jeans and a leather jacket?”

Remus smiled, “Yes, we get him in here quite frequently.”

“Do you mind if I got your number for him?” James questioned, “He’s talked the world of you and your bookstore.”

“It’s not just my bookstore.” Remus correctly playfully, “My sister works it with me, who I see you’ve been well acquainted with.”

James’ face flushed pink, “I didn’t- I don’t-“

“It’s fine.” Remus replied, handing him the books and the receipt, “She’s a big girl. I trust her to make her own decisions.”

“I didn’t pay for these.”

“You can thank my sister.” Remus winked as he sat on the stool and began reading. 

James grunted at not paying again. He rummaged through his wallet and placed forty pounds in the tip jar. Remus chuckled and shook his head at the gesture, appreciative nonetheless of the man's kindness. Another thirty minutes went by, and Harry was running back into his dad's arms. 

“That was awesome!” Harry exclaimed softly, “She was so nice! She gave us lollipops!”

“Did she?” James asked, and Harry nodded. 

Y/n smiled softly as she joined Remus behind the counter, grabbing some books to stamp while all the kids filed out to find their parents, “Looks like we’ll be back next Saturday.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” Y/n replied, “I’ll look forward to it.”

Harry smiled, “Thank you!”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

James and Harry walked out of Lupin’s Library together with smiles on their faces. Harry wouldn’t stop jumping with joy the entire day. He couldn’t get over how lovely the lady was and how she gave him a lollipop. Truthfully, it was the little things when it came to kids. Remus chuckled as they left the library together. 

“He quite likes you, I’d say.”

“Little kids like anyone who give them candy.”

“I don’t mean the boy.” Remus replied, “I mean the adult who seems quite fond of you.”

Y/n hmphed, “And what about the man who wears the leather jacket and the straight black hair?”

Remus blushed, “‘Oh, Y/n, he’s so perfect.’” Y/n mocked.

“You’re annoying.” Remus nudged her with his elbow. 

“Love you too.” 

It wasn’t until Wednesday when he came back in again. Y/n had been absent from the shop due to having to help her friend bartend. Despite working at the bookshop full time, she still had a part-time job bartending. If she spent the whole day at the bar, then she spent the entire night at the bookstore. Working two jobs was no easy feat, but she did it. 

James walked in and wandered aimlessly after not seeing or hearing her. Remus smiled amusedly as he walked in and continued to read his book. James felt the spines of the books but never plucked one from the shelf. Remus got tired of his lost puppy look and finally called to him. 

“She’s not here, you know.”

“Oh,” James muttered, “Where- Where is she?”

Remus placed his book down after bending the corner of the page, “Helping a friend.”

“I’m sorry for wasting your time,” James replied nervously as he went to walk out the door. 

“Wait!” Remus called, and James turned, “I can- um- I can give you her schedule if you want.”

“Schedule?” James questioned, “She doesn’t work here full time?”

Remus shook his head, “No, she works part-time at a bar around the block. It helps-“ He scratched the back of his neck, “It helps pay the bills.”

“You guys don’t make enough to stay in business?” 

“No, we don’t.” Remus murmured, “I can't really do much else other than work here, so Y/n took up another job. Which she hates, and it drains her.” 

James was appalled. These people were so nice and kind. How weren’t they making enough to stay in business? Remus looked utterly embarrassed by the whole thing, confessing to a customer that they were struggling. James, himself, was a Nephrologists at a hospital not too far away. His family was small, and he made a lot of money. 

Without another word, James left the shop leaving Remus in a confused state. He walked to an ATM that was only a couple of blocks away before pulling out a decent amount of cash. James walked back into the bookstore and placed an envelope on the counter. Remus stared at it confused as he got on his own two feet to open it. As he peeled back the seal, he saw what was inside. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t-“

“Please.” James begged, “Harry would be devastated if his favorite place went out of business.”

Remus had tears in his eyes as he placed the money beneath the counter, “Thank you. You have no idea what this means. Our parents bought this shop with almost nothing, and we’ve been trying, but it’s so hard.”

“Well,” James began, “I don’t know if I could live with myself if this place was gone, especially after knowing you’re guys’ kindness.”

Remus smiled and grabbed a piece of paper with a calendar on it. At the bottom, he wrote his and Y/n’s names along with their phone numbers. His handwriting was tidy and curvy. Remus handed the piece of paper to him, and James took it gratefully. 

“It’s Y/n’s schedule along with her part-time bartending job. Our numbers are at the bottom.” Remus motioned to the calendar and at the numbers on the bottom. 

“Thank you, Remus.” James smiled as he pulled out a business card from his wallet, “Obviously, you don’t need me to be your doctor, but my number is on the card if either of you needs anything.”

Remus took the two cards gently, “Thank you, James. We really won’t forget this.”

“I’m glad.” James smiled, “Because I won’t forget you two.”

He left the bookstore with a skip in his step. It felt good to do that. James hadn’t felt this happy since Harry was born, but now he felt like himself again. He felt like that energized boy from middle school who was always destined to be great. 

James didn’t know what it was like to be poor. He grew up with his parents being doctors. They made decent money, and James always got what he wanted. They lived with the higher class. It made his heart ache that Remus and Y/n, who were so sweet we’re struggling. He couldn’t take it. He had to do something. It felt good to do that something. 

Around the block was a bar called Whiskey Woes. It was old and rugged-looking. The black stone bricks seemed to be cracking in every spot. It made James grimace. Walking inside was even worse. The pungent smell of older men with no taste for cologne made him scrunch his nose. But behind the counter, he saw an exhausted girl who was giving it her all to get tips. 

James made his way to sit on a barstool, and sluggishly Y/n made her way to him, “Good afternoon, sir! What can I getcha today?”

“A glass of water?” James replied, lifting his head, and Y/n let out a visible sigh of relief, “‘Course.”

A minute of running around the bar later, a glass of water was placed in front of him, “How’s work, Y/n?”

“How’d you find out my name?”

“Well, your name tag says it.” James pointed, “And I went by the bookstore today.”

Y/n hummed, “Remus tell you where I work, huh?”

“Yeah.” James replied, stirring his water with his straw, “And I want you to quit.”

“Excuse me?”

“I want you to quit working at this shithole.” James repeated, “And take this.”

Another envelope was passed to her across the bar. Y/n eyed him as she broke the glued seal on the white paper. Inside she saw cash, and it didn’t look like just a tiny amount either. Y/n’s face showed visible shock, and James smiled sheepishly. 

“Consider it a tip.”

“This is more than a tip.” Y/n chuckled, “This is like three of my yearly salaries.”

James’ smile faltered just a tiny bit, “You don’t belong here. You belong at the bookstore with Remus. You don’t seem happy here, and Remus sees it too. Says you come home exhausted and drained.”

“Is there anything I can do to repay you?” 

“Maybe go on a date with me?” 

Y/n blushed, “A date?”

“Yeah, a date.” James muttered. 

“I think you deserve a lot more than a date.” Y/n replied, and James smirked, “Only if you’ll let me.”

She laughed, and it made his stomach flutter. It was a sound he wanted to hear forever. It made his heart flip and the corners of his lips quirk. The way she tilted her head back and how her hair flowed as she did so—the crinkle of her nose and the creases of her eyes as she shut them tightly. 

She was so perfect. 

[starglow-xx]

owning a bakery and being discovered by the ada & port mafia (part 1)

platonic! edogawa ranpo x f! reader

type of writing: head canons !!

this is part of my head canon series, flour & fluff !!

tag list is open !! go to this google form and fill it out to sign up!

series synopsis: owning a bakery at 20 is tough; even more so when you have to handle members of two opposing organizations! this is your journey to meeting these fools and creating an unlikely bond with each of them! but only at the cost of your peace and sanity. 

fandom: bungou stray dogs

content: fluff & platonic stuff

author’s notes: this will be a multiple part series of head canons and this is only part one! this series will include both the agency and port mafia members, and then something special for the end. maybe i’ll even write a real one shot/scenario for it. if there’s enough interest, i might open up a tag list for this! i hope you all enjoy!! <33

also, ranpo is 25 in this part; kenji, atushi, kyouka, and the tanizaki siblings aren’t part of the agency yet, only yosano, kunikida, and dazai are, but in the next couple parts, it will be established that the tanizakis are

and (n/n) means nickname :)

meeting the greatest detective

your bakery, Sakura’s, which you named after your late grandmother (who was also your guardian), went into business when you were 18 right after graduating high school

who needed a culinary course when you were trained by dear ol grandma?

your grandmother died when you were 16, just as you started your second year of high school

you were devastated of course, but you knew she wouldn’t want you to wallow over it too long

so in those last two hard years of high school, you took part time jobs at other bakeries and saved lots and lots of money

by graduation, using your life savings, the money your grandmother had left for you, and all the money you earned working, you were able to buy the small building—with a reasonable amount of money left over to survive— you and your grandmother had been eyeing back in her hometown, yokohama, to start your bakery

the building was a bit run down, but you were planning to give it a makeover anyways

it was a bit smaller compared to other buildings around, only having two stories, but on the plus side, the second floor had taller ceilings and was an apartment

is that realistic? probably not but bare with me here 

aNYWHO

you finished putting your bakery up in about 4 months, then finished up your apartment 2 more after

you opened Sakura’s at 7 in the morning then closed at 8 in the evening

when you first started, you did quite well!!

especially with those who went to work on early mornings and families

the time when you first opened was the most peaceful, but you admitted that it was a bit boring, and you wished for a bit more excitement

and boy, the day edogawa ranpo stepped into your bakery was the catalyst for the chaos and excitement that was soon to come

not that you knew that

if you did you would’ve never let him in

maybe

you were 19 when ranpo discovered Sakura’s, and it was completely accidental

he finished solving a case and was on the way back to the agency, and he—not surprisingly—got lost and then it started to rain really hard

it was pouring; there was even the cliche thunder strike and everything

you saw the brown clad man across the street and you ran out with two umbrellas (almost getting hit by a car mind you) handed one to him and practically dragged him inside

with the heavy rain on the forecast, Sakura’s was empty, so you gently pushed him down on a chair and you rushed away to find towels

even though the two of you had umbrellas, the two of you were still soaked 

finding said towels, you quickly dried yourself the best you could then you draped your towel over your back and rushed over to give him his as well as a warm pastry and your special hot honey lemon tea

ranpo laughed as you placed down the refreshment and snack, thinking that you knew who he was and was giving him special treatment

poor bby blinked and went :0 when you said you didn’t

“you don’t know who i am?”

“no. am i supposed to?”

“...”

the 25 year old blanked and you worried that you broke him and started to apologize profusely 

he cut you off claiming that he got over it he didnt but seeing as the bakery was empty and it was pouring pretty badly, he demanded you give him all your attention sit with him so he could tell you all about himself and what he’s done

the two of you got along quite well

you were amazed with all the stories he’s told you 

you honestly acted like a cute little kid listening to fairytales

he told you that and in response you threw a napkin at him

“wow ranpo-san! that’s amazing!!”

“you look like a little kid”

cue the napkin

he was happy with all the attention, praise, and sweets you gave him

the agency gave him praise sure, and made sure he had a lot of snacks but it was refreshing to have someone give him this much and your treats were the best he’s ever had

after he told you all his most interesting cases, the two of you just rambled about the most randomest things; going from the best desserts and snacks to the stupidest things his coworkers have done

you guys were on that last topic for a while

you two talked and rambled for hours, and when it hit hour two and the rain was still pouring, you just went ahead and slipped the “we’re open” sign to “closed” even though it was only 2 o’clock

you thought that this was probably the loving goofy older brother relationship that you missed out on

“ranpo-san, you’re kind of like the brother i’ve never had”

“and you’re still like that little kid”

cue another napkin to the face

don’t worry, he already adores you <3 

he just likes to make fun of you </3

*cuts you off as you’re talking to squish your cheeks* “(y/n) you still have a lot of baby fat and you’re pretty short...are you sure you’re still not in high school or smth??”

*incoherent talking due to pressure on cheeks* “ranpo-san you have 3 seconds before i kick you out”

at around 6, the rain came to a stop and by then, the both of you were all dried up

before he left, you gave him a map so that he hopefully wouldn’t get lost again and gave him a couple boxes of treats for him to have and to share with his coworkers

you closed early so you had to give away at least some of the remaining treats somehow

he wanted you to go to agency with him so he didn’t have to carry everything but you declined saying that you didn’t want to bc you wanted to rest

and for payback for calling you a little kid

you were 19 goddamnit

you already placed everything neatly into two bags so it was easy to carry but this bitch still had the audacity to pout and whine at you

and he calls you the little kid, jeez

you never told him but, you almost gave in

you never told him. but he probably already knows

ranpo san knows all after all; even you knew that by now

the two of you had also exchanged phone numbers and when the two of you showed each other what you each put for a contact name along with the note below, the two of you broke out into grins

you named him “the greatest detective <33″ & put the note “new nii-san <33 & bully </3″ and he named you “cute bakery girl” with the note “best follower, sweets supply & annoying little kid”

when he left, you properly closed the bakery and taped a sign to the door saying that you closed early for personal reasons

when everything was cleaned up, you marched up into your bedroom, plopped on your bed, and took a nap

you deserved it

at the agency not too long after that, ranpo had arrived and when he opened the door, everyone rushed towards him in concern asking if he was okay

he waved them off and walked towards his desk and plopped down in his seat

he placed the two bags in front of him and took out a box of cream puffs and started to snack on them

his coworkers watched him blankly as his scarfed down one after another

after finishing that box, he rummaged through the bags to look through the different kinds of pastries you’ve given him 

noticing that there were people still staring at him he paused before sighing in exasperation

he began to whine at his coworkers saying that no one told him it was gonna rain and that they were lucky that he happened to be in front of Sakura’s

“why did no one tell me?! it was pouring and i was soaked! you guys are lucky that (n/n)-chan’s bakery was right there! you would’ve probably lost me! how would the agency even function without me here?!”

no one wanted to be the one to tell him that they had no idea who he was talking about and that they did in fact tell him that it was gonna pour

they can save that, and their questions for another time

next >>

tag list is open !! go to this google form and fill it out to sign up!

[magalidragon]

we’ll meet once more | chapter 2 | teaser

LOL I am working on it! Didn’t forget this fic! And as much as I wanted to tease an interaction in this chapter I didn’t, but I will say we meet Jon’s Dad and he isn’t Rhaegar!

Dany, who was wearing sky-high stilettos that looked like they could mirror as weapons, did not fare quite as well on the slick walkways around the port, slipping behind him, the fish sloshing up against the plastic-covered bowl top. "Rhaego!" she shouted, but her son either did not hear her-- or rather Jon thought-- ignored her.

His initial hope that Arry would be fine vanished when he saw her out of the corner of his eye. She was moving too fast. “Arry!” he exclaimed but it was too late.

Arry skidded on the walkway, and he reached out to grab her, but missed, her left leg sliding under her, tearing her pink tights. "Nooooo!" she howled, grabbing for her knee, bellowing like a wounded animal. "My kneeeee!"

"Arry!" He would not be shocked if someone called child services based off her behavior in the last five minutes. He hoisted her up, checked for blood-- none thank gods-- and hauled her up again, but she kicked, wanting back down. He sighed, trying to figure out where to take them, and Dany came up behind him, taking her hand silently.

Grateful for Dany taking on Arry who was now shouting about her torn tights, he chased after Rhaego. He feared given that there was limited safety features this far down past the check in stations for most of the boats, they'd be fishing the boy out of the harbor and that was the last thing he needed. Somehow he was sure Daenerys would blame him for it. She seemed the type. No wonder she and Ygritte were friends, he mused, probably had "We Hate Jon Snow Fan Club" buttons made.

He reached Rhaego at the end of the dock, the little boy confused, turning in circles, because there was no boat there. "Where is it?" he cried, holding his fingers in circles and lifting them to his eyes, mimicking binoculars. It was really adorable, actually. "I can't see it!"

"It was the one back there, I was trying to tell you!" Dany shouted at him.

"That one didn't have any one on it!" A boat full of children would at least have some noise, that boat didn't have anything. He left them there to gather themselves and run back up the walkway, since his rubber-soled boots could actually take him where he needed to go without fear of taking a swim, and reached the dock in question, but the boat had already pulled away, was well into the harbor. "Shit," he cursed. He spun around, grabbing a dock worker. "Hey! The Dragonstone Ferry, which one is it?"

The worker chuckled, pointing to the boat that had just pulled away. "That's the nine on its way."

"But..." he trailed off, shoulders sagging. Shit! He weakly pointed to another boat. "What about that one?"

"That one has engine trouble, so we switched them."

Shit!

He checked his watch. There was no way they could even think of trying to find another way to get the kids to Dragonstone. It was too late. And blast it all, he had to be in Davos's office in about twenty minutes. He dropped his arm, shoulders slumping, more disappointed for his daughter than he was worried about his meeting. He chewed his bottom lip, glancing at Arry, who peered up at him, wide-eyed, confused. "Sorry," he mumbled, shaking his head and sighing, leaning down to her height, and squeezing her hands comfortingly. "We missed it."

"Noooooo!"

She howled, devastated, while Rhaego looked to his mother for comfort. The look Dany set his way was scathing, and she turn in a couple of circles, peering towards the main road. "Well...we...." she sighed, reaching for the phone in his hand. "Come on, we have to get going. I'll try your uncle."

"But I don't want to go with him, I want to go with you!"

"Rhaego I can't, I have to get to work!"

Arry was screaming now, high-pitched again, and Jon hauled her upright, kneeling to her height and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Aryanna Snow, you stop that now," he ordered, putting all his military bearing into his voice, firm, decisive. She glared at him, a look reminicent of her mother, and closed her mouth, continuing to sniffle, but he could see there was no actual wetness in her eyes. Fake tears? That's new. He exhaled hard, cupping her face, gentle. "Arry, I know you are upset, but you have to stop this. It's not right."

"But I want to go!"

"I know you do and I am sorry, you're going to have to come with me." His mind racing, he thought of his mother, or maybe even his father. He checked his watch again, wincing. He had to get to the base. It was clear to the north, it'd be forever in traffic. He patted his pockets, wondering where his phone was.

It was clutched in Arry's hand, probably from the cab and he took it, against her protests. He shoved it into his pocket, looking at Dany, who was comforting Rhaego. The little boy was disappointed, but unlike Arry's explosive response to rejection, his was quieter. It made Jon sad, made him think he was kind of used to it. His heart sank. "I'm sorry Rhaego," he apologized to the little boy.

Rhaego shrugged. "S'alright," he mumbled. He looked up at his mother. "What now?"

Dany squared off against him. "Now, we get to my office while I figure out what to do the rest of the day. I hope you're happy Captain Snow."

"Hope I'm happy?" he echoed, barking a laugh. If this woman hadn't been so damn contrary all morning to everything he said, maybe they would have gotten there on time, but nope. "Maybe you need to take a look the mirror, aye?"

She made a face, checking her watch. "I have a day, you have effectively ruined it."

"Well..." he sighed. He shook his head. "Look, we're both in a jam here, I have a day too, you're not the only one with a career!"

"And what do you suggest then Captain Snow?"

"It's Jon," he said through gritted teeth. He took in her flashing amethyst gaze, the way she composed herself, bringing all of her short height up so she was at least trying to look him in the eye. He had to admit, she had presence. No wonder she was a formidable investigative journalist. He tried to smile, but it was more of a grimace. "I am suggesting we work together on this. I have a day, you have a day, and we're in the same boat."

Her eyes narrowed to slits, teeth gnashing. "My day will not include you in it Captain Snow. Thanks for the offer, but I have to get going. Arry, sweetheart, it's nice to see you, and here..." She reached into her bag, rummaging and unearthed a pouch, unzipping it and removing clear nail polish. "Hold still."

Arry watched, fascinated-- as did Jon-- as Dany squatted before her knee, dabbing the tear in the tights so it didn't continue to run. Then she took out a large bandaid, doctoered up the little scrape that Jon could barely see, and patched over it. He was about to ask what else she had in there-- state secrets? A nuclear weapon?-- when she took out an elastic headband, the perfect size for Arry's knee when wrapped twice, protecting her skin from the elements and pseudo-patching the tights.

He cocked his head, curious. "What else is in there?"

"Nothing you need to know about Jon Snow," Dany retorted, getting back to her feet. She took Rhaego's hand, grabbing the phone from him. "Stop playing with my phone."

"But Mai!"

"No, come on, we have to go, look a taxi!"

Jon called out to her. "Do you ever accept help?" That's what it was. He recognized it in himself, he hated help, but damn, sometimes you needed to take it.

Dany shouted over her shoulder. "Not from men like you Captain Snow!" She opened the taxi door, laughing and smirking. "All you do is disappoint, might as well do it myself."

He chuckled, shaking his head and lifted Arry, who was holding up her arms. His back was going to be broken by the end of the day, constantly doing this. The taxi sped off, kicking water up. He walked off towards the street, to find another cab. "Arry, darling."

"Yes Daddy?"

"Don't be like that when you grow up."

"Okay Daddy!"

[exosmuttytalk]

Guardian

Characters: Do Kyungsoo, unnamed female OC (told from the perspective of DO)

Genre: angst.

Rating: mature.

Warning: this deals with topics darker than my usual. Death, suicide and mental health problems mentioned. Proceed with caution and take care!

Summary: there is no summary because the core happening of the story is what makes it as a whole, so you gonna have to read to find out lol

(excuse weird formating, I'm on mobile)

First thing I noticed the moment after you quietly stepped through the front door were the deepest dark circles I'd ever seen rimming your eyes.

Your eyes had always been beautiful. Big and bright, they usually shone with a mischievous spark of intelligence and expressivity. Many times I looked at you and wondered how it was me who became the actor when you seemed able to tell stories with your eyes. On the rarer occasion, your eyes also warned me of the times you slipped closer to your darker-than-reality inner world, that one you were able to scape from when you were barely older than a teenager, through sheer will, family support and a necessary dose of drugs to balance your neurotransmitters. But the longer we were together, the more fulfilled your professional life became, the better relationships you held with other people, the more you enjoyed your hobbies, the more seldom I got to see those hints of sadness barely concealed behind fake content smiles.

This time was not one of those rare times. This time, when I looked at you, I felt genuine fear for you.

This time, your eyes did not show sadness. They didn't even look tired. They were just...completely indifferent. They glossed over our living room and didn't even acknowledge my presence, although I had occupied my usual spot at the armchair for quite a few hours already. 

Greetings weren't exchanged either. 

I vaguely remembered last night's fight. Even though we used to pride ourselves in the fact that communication was easy for us, daily life, stress fuelled by our jobs and our inability to sometimes see each other as often as we wanted would put a strain on any relationship. But we always managed to solve those issues. They were never such a big deal for us. Or were they? 

As you carelessly dropped your oversized folder on top of the dining table, I remembered about the project you needed to hand in at the end of this week. 

"How did they like the design this time?" My question was aimed towards finding out what may have caused the icy expression in your eyes. You adored your job at the firm you and some colleagues had set up a few years after you finished your architecture studies. You never missed an opportunity to  ramble on and on about what was your life's passion project; even though most of the times I wasn't able to follow every explanation, I was always happy to listen. 

Not this time. You turned on your heels swiftly and walked into the kitchen, followed closely by Jackie, but leaving me behind with my unanswered question. 

Was it bad enough to deserve this silent treatment? 

I could hear you rummaging through the shelves and then I saw you making your way back to the living room, Jackie swiftly walking behind you. You always cradled Jackie for a little while before opening the can of delicious cat food that would go into her plate. You absolutely adored that little rescue cat and the feeling was mutual; a relationship I had never been able to partake in. But this time, you simply dumped the contents of the can into the bowl and gave the animal a absentmindedly pat on the head. You didn't even look at her. 

After that, you lied down across the sofa in the same clothes you'd gone to work in and pulled out your phone and headphones. That made me wonder where my own phone could be. I was always aware of my terrible memory even if there were more pressing issues at hand. Headphones were covering your ears just seconds after and I was left there, silently wondering what the hell was wrong. 

Maybe you'd had a truly awful day at work? Maybe you were overworked and needed to rest? Could you actually be that mad at me? I truly don't remember what I said, but whatever it was, I'm so sorry. 

As I got lost in my thoughts, Jackie had already finished her food and, after grooming herself a bit, she hopped onto the sofa and nestled herself up against your belly. That was the only moment I saw you react. You briefly glanced down from your screen to the cozy creature in your lap. But you didn't smile. You didn't pet her. But I got to see your eyes and there was no indifference in them no more. They were miserable. 

I was so scared, baby. I had never seen you so unresponsive and distressed in all our years together. From experience, I knew better than to try to touch you in some instances, so I went for the second best option. I got up and rushed down the hallway to our room, where I supposed I had left my phone. It was time to call your mother, your best friend, whoever was around you when you first had an outbreak. They would know what to do better than me.

I had barely started looking around when I heard the door bell ring. Then I heard it again, insistent. I stopped on my tracks and listened, expecting you to go get it, as you were closer. By the third time, the visitant had switched to knocking and I guessed you weren't able to hear it due to the headphones, so I turned around and rushed back to the front door. 

I peeked through the peephole and felt a rush of relief when I recognised your best friend. Bless her soul, she may actually have some sort of mental connection with you. 

"It's Sarah!" I shouted in your direction, getting no response back. Just before she knocked for a second time, I reached out for the door knob. The door didn't open. I stared at the door knob in confusion. It was the same piece of silver metal that had been attached to that door since we first got the apartment together years ago. The same familiar and innocuous whatnot I made use of every single day. Maybe it was stuck? 

Once again, I reached for it, although this time I was intently watching my right hand. 

My fingers. 

They went right through the knob. As if it wasn't actually there. As if it wasn't even corporeal. 

The impression made me fall down on my butt, but I didn't have time to process anything, as Sarah gave a final loud bang to the door and shouted. 

"I know you're there. You either open yourself or I'll call the police" 

The threat finally made you stand up and go open the door. From my position down on the floor, I could see how you were easily able to grab onto the doorknob to at last let her in. Being sort of your polar opposite on that regard, Sarah immediately latched on to your neck and you stoically responded by patting her back with one of your hands. As for me, I stared at my own hands in disbelief. 

What the fuck was going on!? Could I be dreaming? I tried pinching myself hard and I felt it hurt, but nothing else happened. I was freaking out and seeing both of you in front of me behave in such a mellow way only increased my alarm. 

Of course, Sarah lead the way to the kitchen, pulling your arm and stepping right beside me as if I wasn't having a straight up meltdown down at the floor. Jackie had trotted behind you to the hall and was now looking straight at me with what seemed to me a full of disdain expression. At least someone recognised my presence. 

"When was the last time you ate?" Sarah's usually loud voice came booming from the kitchen. This question was odd enough to spark my interest, so I stood up and headed that way. 

"Yesterday," you responded in a monotone voice. 

Sarah, who had started stocking up plastic boxes full of already prepared food in the freezer, turned around to look at you with an eyebrow raised. 

"You sure about that?" 

"Yeah. Also, there's no point in that, I'm not even hungry," you answered again before turning around to occupy the spot you'd left at the couch. 

To be fair, she had filled the sad looking fridge with at least a week worth of meals for two. Was the fridge that empty last time I checked? 

"Baby, you can't be doing this to yourself."

"I'm not doing anything, OK?" you suddenly snapped back at her. I had never heard you speak to her in that tone. "I am fine and I will be fine. I just need you all to leave me the fuck alone!"

With that said, you went back to adjusting the headphones over your head and to rummaging through your phone. Sarah stared at you with a dispared look on her face.

"And you know that is definitely not healthy. I am done with this. I'm looking for a therapist and you're coming to an appointment on Monday."

"Do whatever the fuck you want. I am not telling you how to live your life." 

Sarah sighed and nodded in response.

"I can't even imagine what you're going through and how absolutely devastated you must be feeling right now. And I know it's barely been a month, but you can't let yourself slip this way, not with your records." 

A month since what? 

You shrugged her worry off. 

"I'm leaving. I will call you later. If anything, please, at least send me an emoji or something so I know you're okay."

You grunted at her before she kneeled down next to the sofa to press a soft kiss to your forehead. Then, she left the house without even glancing at my direction.

I had witnessed the whole scene from a corner of the room and I had grown in my bewilderment with every spoken word.

As soon as I heard the front door softly closing, I walked up to the sofa and circled it, so I was able to see what you were doing that had caused such disagreement. 

"KSoo <3" read the letters at the top of the easily recognizable screen of the chat service we used on a regular basis. As I approached you even closer, I could hear my own voice coming from your headphones. I remeber sending you that audio barely a week ago, when I asked you to make a quick run to the grocery store before coming back home, as I needed some more ingredients for that night's dinner. 

Your eyes were filled with silent tears.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Second part: GUARDIAN II

MASTERLIST!?

Other Kyungsoo shizs

Everyday

Stories of my downfall  + Kai

@exosmutxoxo​

[nicole-lynne]

Who Makes You Happy

Pairing: Stiles x Reader

Description: Stiles realizes (more like told) who he truly should be with. 

You slapped your case study onto the table in front of your partner with enthusiasm, a bright red 99/100 circled at the top. 

“Hah! Eat it, Stilinksi.” Stiles groaned in defeat as he looked down at his 98/100. “I believe you now owe me pizza and a movie of my choice, sucker.” 

Stiles grinned up at you as you started bouncing up and down on the balls of your feet and shaking his shoulders with excitement. Nodding his head in acceptance, he shoved his case study into his bag hastily and gestured for you to lead the way out of the classroom. 

“You better pick something good. I don’t think I can handle another night of romantic comedies.” He teased and nudged your shoulder a couple times. You glanced up at him for a fraction of a second and your cheeks started to heat up. 

“I was kind of thinking A Walk to Remember,” Stiles puffed up slightly at the pick before you continued, “but then I decided on Return of the Jedi.” You smiled widely as the irritation disappeared and his face brightened.

“You are a saint!” He exclaimed and threw his arm over your shoulder lazily as you walked out of the FBI building into the blazing afternoon.

You let yourself lean into him for a moment, enjoying how intoxicating he smelled and how good his body felt against yours. Just as fast as it had happened, he had pulled away from you and started to walk backwards to look at you. 

“I just want to know how you cheated to get that score. There’s no way you could have beat me.” Stiles joked, loving to see how worked up you got. You opened your mouth to protest when he winked at you. You rolled your eyes at him, an annoyed smirk playing at the edge of your lips. 

Your eyes flickered over to him, “you’re gonna fall on your ass if you keep walking like that.” The moment the words left your lips, Stiles’ feet tangled together and he was falling backwards, limbs flailing everywhere. 

You giggled as you watched him lay on the ground, his eyes closed, contemplating if that had really just happened. 

“Well, I’m not one to say I told you so but...” 

“Oh please, your catchphrase is ‘I told you so’.” Stiles couldn’t help but chuckle at the look of amusement on your face. “What can I say, I guess I fell for you.” 

Your heart fluttered and your eyes connected with his golden eyes for a fraction of a second too long. Butterflies were swarming your stomach from the way he was watching you, but the reminder of his girlfriend itched at the back of your mind and you cleared your throat awkwardly. Reaching a hand out, you pulled Stiles to his feet and promptly dropped the hold. He sidestepped and you could feel the tension in the noticeable space between your bodies. 

“Um, so I was thinking pizza for dinner. Does that sound good or were you wanting something different?” You asked in an attempt to get back to normal. 

“Yes, I’ve been craving pizza all week. I need that sweet melty cheese to relieve my stress of this hell week.” Stiles rubbed the back of his neck, squeezing the tight muscles that were growing. 

Thrilled at the choice, you fist pumped the air, “I was hoping you’d say that. I had this dream last night that I got turned into a chicken dumpling and a bunch of giants were trying to dunk me in soy sauce. I just don’t think I could eat one in good conscious tonight.” You shivered at the memory of your dream. 

Stiles threw his head back and started cracking up, “I can see how that might be slightly terrifying, but I can picture you as a dumpling and I think you’d be totally adorable.” You scrunched your face at him, pretending to be embarrassed at his sentiment instead of dwelling on the fact that the guy you had a massive crush on just called you adorable.

Thankfully, you spotted your dorm building in the distance and could put all your focus on that, instead of the handsome man babbling about something he’d read next to you. As you reached the building, you both flashed your badges at the front door guard and waved at a few other friends in the common room. 

“Let me just change out of the monkey suit and we can head to your room.” Stiles said over his shoulder to you as he loosened his necktie. 

You nodded in response as you watched his back muscles tense and release through his shirt. He glanced back at you over his shoulder and you jumped slightly realizing you hadn’t answered out loud. 

“Uh yea-yes,” you cleared your throat again, “yes that would be magnificent.” 

Stiles raised his eyebrow with confusion but laughed it off before pulling his key out and opening his room. You shook your head trying to get your mind back in the right space. 

You kept your eyes focused on the swirl pattern of the carpet, following in behind him, when you slammed face first into his back. You looked up at him standing frozen in his spot and then you peaked around his body to see a gorgeous redhead lounging on his bed. 

“Lyds? What are you doing here?” Stiles burst into a flurry of movement, stepping forward and tugging the girl into a tight hug. Your chest filled with melancholy and you averted your stare to the window. “Wow, hey, Y/N this is Lydia, my-my girlfriend. And Lydia, this is Y/N, she’s uh my partner in class.” Stiles chuckled nervously. 

Immediately, you put on a happy face and smiled at the girl. “It’s really great to meet you, Stiles talks about you all the time.” 

Lydia flashed a small smile and Stiles let out another nervous snicker. “Well thanks, it’s nice to meet you too. Stiles said you’re the best partner he could have hoped for and a good friend too.” Your tummy flipped. 

“So what are you doing here, Lyds?” Stiles interrupted, slinking an arm around her waist. 

“I just thought I’d surprise you since it was the weekend and I was already going to be in town for a Math Theory Workshop. Besides, it’s been a while since we’ve really had a chance to talk since you’ve been so busy.” 

Slowly, you took step after step backwards towards the door. It had been a long week and you weren’t planning on spending the whole evening watching Stiles cuddle with his supermodel girlfriend. You weren’t even sure you could handle ten more minutes of being in the same room as her without bursting into an embarrassing amount of tears.

When the door was just a step out of reach, you said, “I’d better let you two have some alone time, but it was really nice to meet you officially, Lydia.” You waved your hand once in their direction as they both snapped their attention to you. “I guess I’ll just see you on Monday, Stilinksi. I’ve got to rest up for another full week of kicking your ass.” You taunted before shooting out the door and down the hallway like a bullet. 

A hush fell over the room as Lydia and Stiles both stared at the spot you had stood previously. 

“Well she seems nice.” Lydia quipped before slipping out of Stiles’ hold and starting to dig through her bag. 

Stiles’ eyes darted to his girlfriend standing in his dorm room. He should be ecstatic but instead he was feeling a little discontent that he wouldn’t be spending the night watching Star Wars with you like he’d been looking forward to all week. 

“Yeah, uh she’s awesome...” He trailed off as Lydia kept rummaging through her things, pulling things-his things-out and setting them to the side. “Are you looking for something specific there, Lyds?” 

Lydia hooked a loose strand of hair that kept falling in her face behind her ear with frustration before standing up and looking at her boyfriend. She took a second to appreciate the man before her. He still looked exactly like the same boy who had fallen in love with her all those years ago. But now, he had this air of maturity to him. She could see how much more sure of himself that he was. It was also impossible for her to ignore that he just didn’t look at her the same way anymore. 

They had both known that you were lying through your teeth when you said Stiles talked about Lydia all the time. When the truth was, he barely mentioned her when he was with all of his classmates, especially you, and he just didn’t make the time to call her like he used to. 

She sighed, “I’m giving you back your stuff, Sti.” 

Stiles’ face blanched and his eyes went wide. “Um can I ask why? Did I do something wrong?” 

“Not wrong, per say...” Lydia trailed off. She wanted to be heartbroken or devastated but it just felt like the end of a chapter. She took a step towards him and slipped her hand into his. 

“So what is it?” Stiles looked a little defeated and she wanted to caress his mole-speckled cheek. But that wouldn’t do either of them any good, so she just squeezed his hand reassuringly. 

“You know you’re in love with her, right?” 

Stiles didn’t even have to ask to know exactly who she was talking about. “Since when?” 

“Since forever. It’s why I’m breaking up with you.” 

He knew he should be devastated, but truthfully, he just felt relief. Lydia watched the emotions pass over his face and she knew it had been the right decision. She truly loved Stiles but it wasn’t the same as when they had first started this. She knew she would also support him in everything, but he was her best friend, not her boyfriend. 

“I’m sorry that it happened this way, Lyds. You know, I never meant for this to happen. Hell, I’ve been planning on marrying you since third grade.” 

Lydia gave him a sad smile at the thought of what may have been in another life. “Sti, I want you to marry someone you’re actually in love with.” 

Stiles tugged her hand lightly and engulfed her in a hug. “You’ve always been one of the good ones. I have no doubt you’re gonna go far in life, kid.” He said into her curly red hair. 

“Yeah yeah, now stop talking and go get the girl.” Lydia pushed him away graciously and Stiles gracelessly stumbled toward door. “Uh Sti, I think you’re forgetting something.” She hollered before he could leave. 

He whirled around and looked at her, rolling his eyes when he remembered, he leapt forward and pecked a kiss on her cheek, “thanks, Lyds.” 

“No, you spaz, you need to change into something better than you regular uniform. She sees you in that all the time.” 

Stiles snapped his fingers in agreeance before yanking off his white button up and digging through his drawers, random pieces of clothing flying in every direction. Finally, he found his lucky flannel and flung his arms through the arm holes. He spun around and vanished out into the hallway. Lydia let out another heavy sigh before turning to start gathering the rest of his things for when he returned. 

Heavy footsteps thudded against the floor as he raced to your door. He had been to your room a handful of times for movie nights or study sessions and he had the location burned into his brain. 

Your door shone like a beacon at the end of the hallway and he slowed to a stop in front of it. Praying for courage to show up, he rapped his knuckles on your door softly. There were faint sounds of you shuffling around and he thought he could barely make out sniffling. He was so nervous and it felt like a swarm of snakes was slithering around in his stomach.

After what seemed like an eternity, the door creaked open and your tear-stained face peaked out from the dark.Stiles watched shock pass over your face while you hurried to wipe away a few stray tears that were left. 

“Wh-what,” your voice cracked, “what are you doing here, Stiles?” 

“We had a movie night planned...”

“Yeah, that sort of got canceled when your girlfriend showed up.” You snapped, a little harsher than intended. 

Stiles hovered a little closer to the door, “can I just come in? Please, Y/N?” He begged when you crossed your arms over your chest. 

You searched his eyes, the urge to give in to him overtaking your need to be left alone and cry in peace. Stiles’ determination wavered and he was beginning to think you really wouldn’t let him in when you nodded and stepped back to give him room. 

You sniffed again and dragged yourself to sit on the edge of your bed. Stiles took a minute to take in your form. You’d already changed into your gray Federal Bureau of Investigation tshirt and your ratty navy pajama shorts. He was amazed at how beautiful and cozy you looked to him, but his heart squeezed at your puffy eyes that were avoiding looking at him. 

He plopped down next to you, “why are you crying? What happened? I just saw you a little while ago.” 

“It’s nothing, Stiles,” You croaked, “just...why are you here? You should be spending as much time with Lydia as possible.”  

Stiles twiddled his thumbs for a second, “We broke up.” 

“You what?” You sat up straight, completely forgetting your own pain. “Oh my god, are you okay? What happened? You guys seemed so excited to see each other.” 

“We were, are, glad to see each other. Look, I really love Lydia, but not the way that I should love my girlfriend.” Your brows furrowed in confusion. 

Stiles cautiously picked up your hand that had been resting between your bodies. 

“Lydia knew that I...liked someone else the way that I should like her. And she thought that I deserved to be with the person who makes me happy.” 

Blood rushed behind your ears. The sensation of Stiles hand in yours was causing your breath to catch but you were trying to focus on the words he was saying to you.

“Do you like someone in our class?” You all but shouted at him, interrupting his sentence. 

Stiles’ head bowed as he chuckled to himself. “Yeah, you might even know her.” He winked cheekily and you gulped heavy with nerves. 

“Stiles...” 

“Why were you crying?” Stiles softly interrupted you. 

You looked down to your clasped hands, the words felt heavy on your tongue. “Because the guy that I like has...had a girlfriend.” 

You kept your eyes trained on your bedspread, the possibility of dying from embarrassment crossed your mind the longer he stayed silent. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath trying to gain the courage to look at him. 

You mustered up all the bravery you could and opened your eyes to glance up at Stiles, just to find him grinning at you like he’d won the lottery. Heat flushed your cheeks and you lost the battle at suppressing a smile. 

“You like me?” Stiles asked timidly. 

“How could I not?” You blurted out, tired of holding back the truth. “You’re hilarious and intelligent, you always know what to say or do to make my day better, you challenge me to be a better agent and person. And you’re extremely attractive without even trying.” 

It was Stiles’ turn to flush at the compliments you were doting on him. The words suddenly registered in your mind and you fell back on your pillows in exasperation, fear that you might have just freaked him out. But your heart leapt into your throat as you felt Stiles lean over your body, his chest pressed against yours. You gripped his biceps firmly, secretly admiring how wonderful they felt, all while trying to ground yourself as the room started spinning around you.  

His face was inches away from yours and his minty breath was covering your face, fogging every one of your intelligent thoughts. You were desperate to hear what he was going to say next. 

“So you think I’m attractive?” He purred out, trying to be cute. 

You huffed grumpily and pushed his chest, but he slipped his arms underneath your body so that you couldn’t move him off of you. In reality, you didn’t really want him to get off you but you couldn’t let him know that. 

“Did you just come here to mock me, Stilinksi?” Your lips pursed into a pout. 

“Not at all.” He whispered, inching forward slow enough to give you time to pull away. You didn’t want to pull away, you never wanted this moment to end. 

Finally, he tilted his head and pressed his lips to yours timidly. The moment your lips connected, it lit a fire in the pit of your belly and you slipped your arms over his shoulders, all hesitation gone. 

Every time he pushed, you pulled. When you twisted, he turned. You two moved in sync with each other and you suddenly knew how it was supposed to feel with every other person you’d ever been with. 

The overwhelming need for air took over your senses and you broke apart from him. Stiles’ eyes were still closed with his lips puckered and you had to giggle at how wonderfully silly he looked. Slowly his eyelids lifted and he gave you a sheepish grin like he was completely dazed. Sweetly, you brushed your lips against his one more time. 

“Did you just come here to kiss me, Stilinski?” You asked playfully. 

Stiles grazed his nose against yours, enjoying every moment of having you in his arms. “No, I came here to watch Star Wars with the girl I like. Kissing you was just an added bonus.”

[coffee-for-himchan]

Moondance AU// Himchan

Word count: 5.4k +

Genre/warnings: major character death, mental issues

Summary:  He held her in his arms carefully as they danced all throughout the moonlight, a mild smile playing on his lips as tears kept streaming down his cheeks, and he wondered - why was it that everyone kept telling him she was gone, although she was clearly here?

(A/N) Or, alternatively, a crossover of Moondance and Angel(1004) worked out better than I thought it would. Also, well done, Mel. You made yourself cry with one of your fics. Way to go.

It had been so long since he had been out here on his own. Or, well, long since he’d been outside at all.

With the moonlight shining down on him subtly, his lips quickly curled into a smile and he soon forgot about the recent temperature changes that had his way too underdressed frame shivering from every subtle breeze nagging at his thin long-sleeve and sending it flying in the wind. He had heard the others talking about how when going outside at this time of year, they were forced to put thicker and thicker coats on nowadays. One even complained about forgetting a scarf once and getting a cold because of that, but those were just empty words to him. He hadn’t accompanied them or anyone else on any recent walks, and didn’t intent to do so anytime soon, as he has been saving himself up only for certain nights and nothing else.

The nights he would meet her once again, in the spot she was always at. Like tonight.

They hadn’t planned on a meeting yet again, but that didn’t stop him and didn’t put any unnecessary doubts into his head as he headed out further into the moonlit field. He woke up in the middle of the night, knowing deep inside his heart she would be there. She never called and never texted since long ago, but ever since then he somehow always knew where and how to find her. Which is why he was here once again, walking where his heart lead him to, his feet blindly obeying and forgiving him every single time he tripped on something or stepped into a lower spot that almost sent him flying face-first to the ground. 

He had to admit to himself that he felt quite blind to all his surroundings, with her being to blame. It was as if she had made herself at home in his head, always sweetly whispering into his ear so only he could hear.

“Sweetie, I’m coming to see you tonight. All you have to do is come outside.”

And he did, as always being extra careful. Since the first few times when he was caught sneaking out to see her and was brought back in unwillingly, he made sure to do it as quietly as possible. He had spent ages reducing the door squeaking. Had taken long enough to figure which floorboards creaked and witch didn’t. Had spent forever figuring which exit to use, and when or how to go out so no one would notice him. He’d spent countless hours studying each and everyone’s sleeping habits - when their window curtains closed and their lights went out, just so he could go past them all throughout the pitch black darkness, to find his way back to were he mattered the most.

So no one could stop him from going to meet the love of his life once again, because for some reason, it seemed like everyone was against them.

He recalled the days when they could freely walk hand-in-hand, smiles never leaving their lips on any occasion. When she could sit in his lap at a movie night with friends, and no one would say a single thing about how his hand always rested in her thigh while she leaned her head back onto his chest until sleep took over her, and he never dared to wake her up, carefully scooping her frame up in his arms to carry her back to the car as it was time to go home instead. The times when they were loved and adored by all who crossed their path, and were told to be a perfect couple. The times when, as they walked down the street, heads would turn to them and stares would state the same thing in unison - “That’s how love looks like.”

Yeah, sighing and chuckling a little, he figured many things have changed since then as he continued stepping through the long grass, unable to let his mind rest at all of the flashbacks creeping up to backstab him again.

It all happened suddenly. One morning, he found her to be missing, and not by his side in bed as it had always been. He tried to call her name, and tried to search for her all throughout the apartment, but she was nowhere to be seen. He tried calling her only to find that she’d left her phone on the bedside table. Still worried, he recalled how she’d told him about the interview she’d have to hold early in the morning, and smiled, figuring she must’ve slept in and was probably running late, forgetting a few important things on her way out in the morning. His smile didn’t fade as he went on to make himself coffee and check his schedules for the day, and as he leaned on the counter while waiting for the kettle to heat up water, his smile became even dreamier. He recalled her stressing over her journalist’s degree, recalled all her sleepless nights spent studying and all the times she collapsed into his chest tired and half-crying from exhaustion. Nowadays, she already had a successful career, being rather new and inexperienced in the field, but loving the thing she did and being passionate about it. He figured he sure had acquired the most smart and beautiful girl of all when he thought back on it all, for himself and no one else. 

He was a little weirded out by how the guys gave him horrified stares as he showed up at the right place and time for the first schedule they had that day, which happened to be an interview, but only rose a brow at them and shook it off. The MC of the show looked no less surprised to see him, and he found the atmosphere to be surprisingly burdensome and uneasy as the talk began. Even his bad jokes didn’t make it any better, and neither did the fact that everyone seemed to be in a state of confusion and mild devastation for some reason.

“Hey, I haven’t heard any mean comments about my looks or anything of such kind today yet,” he chuckled and looked at Daehyun, whose golden skin, upon hearing that phrase, turned chalk white, “Come on. It’s getting boring already. And you could make efforts too, Youngjae-ah.”

But no one said a thing, and simply stared at him while he energetically talked about the recent comeback, urging his bandmates to speak at times when he realized he was the only one talking. They seemed to have swallowed a brick or something each, and he took note to ask them if they were fine afterwards, and what it even was that they were so shaken up about. But for now, he had to make the interview go.

“Hey, Himchan hyung,” he turned around upon hearing Youngjae’s concerned voice just after the broadcast had ended, smiling at him reassuringly as he still looked rather pale and not in his spirit, “Don’t you want to.. Go home or something? Yongguk hyung said he would come along, if you want to.”

“Why should I?” he suddenly vaguely recalled how he was told to take days off just the previous evening, and figured he still was as puzzled as when he heard the offer first. Why would he want to do that? He wasn’t tired, wasn’t ill or hurt, so why take time off? He was someone who had completely devoted himself to his team, so he wanted to work just as hard as the rest, and figured he would manage.

“I’ll take time off only when all of us will, Youngjae-ah. But thanks for worrying about me, though instead we should worry about you. You literally look like you’re about to faint, do you want to maybe sit down and wait until I get you a glass of water?”

She didn’t show up in the evening, and neither did she show up in the next day or so. But he didn’t sweat it - he simply smiled all through the day, feeling proud of her. Wanting to open up the balcony door to walk out and scream it out into the streets. To let everyone know how happy he was, and how lucky he had gotten that she’d chosen him over anyone else, as when they started dating, he really felt like a loser compared to everyone else who  had ever crossed their path. Felt as if she could find herself someone so much better, not knowing why she stuck with him. But also felt beyond loved and appreciated when her arms wrapped around him, and her melodic voice told him how she wanted no one else but him in this world. How she loved him and everything he was doing, and was beyond happy to have him by her side. Quite cheesy, he was aware. But he could be a cheesy guy at times, and figured that it was fine as long as he kept it to himself. 

And as days passed but she didn’t show up nonetheless, his only concern was that he still had a red box with a beautiful engagement ring in it lying around in his jacket pocket. The same ring he wanted to slip on her finger that evening before he woke up to see her gone and not by his side the very next morning.

He furrowed his brows at the mere memory of that evening. It was all blurred lines - the only part of their history that he couldn’t recall. Something struck him as he figured he saw red. Some blinding lights here and there, as well as heavy pants and something wet hitting his cheeks. But he shook it off - it was a weird combination of miscellaneous things he figured he couldn’t recognize.

“What do you think you’re doing!?” he asked Yongguk, who had made his way into the apartment with a spare key in hand, once while he had been away on a coffee run, “Put it back before she’ll come back to notice that you rummaged through her stuff!”

And for the first time ever, Himchan saw nothing but plain concern and fear in the leader’s eyes. He saw how her hand mirror that he was holding slid out of his slim fingers, hitting the floor and smashing to pieces right at his feet. He scolded him a little, and saw how that triggered absolutely no reaction from him. Yongguk was simply staring back, his mouth slightly agape as his brows furrowed, as for the first time in his life, he was completely tongue-tied.

“Himchan,” he spoke quietly and slowly, locking eyes with his friend, “She’s not coming back. You know that, right?”

“Pff, where did you get that from?” he tried not to show how his best friend had just hit a touchy subject and one of his biggest fears and insecurities - her leaving him for another - and tried display no hurt whatsoever, wanting to sound confident, “Just because she’s been away for a while doesn’t mean she won’t be back. I’ve been away on tour for months at a time on quite a few occasions, leaving her back home all alone.”

He smiled at Youngguk who slowly started shaking his head in denial at the sight in front of him, muttering quiet “no’s" under his breath while Himchan talked on with a bright smile plastered on his face. "So I guess it’s my turn now. Maybe she wants to show me how separation can draw two people closer together, as I miss her like never before now. Maybe she just wants time off, which is completely fine as well - I know I can get clingy, maybe even overdoing it sometimes. But she’s my smart and beautiful girl, and I trust her and am sure she knows what she’s doing. So put her things back into place and let me clean up that mess from the broken mirror. I’ll get her a new and much prettier one once she comes back.”

He kept telling him to cut it. To stop the unnecessary games and get a grip on the situation. He told Himchan he knew he was sad, he said he knew that a coping mechanism had to be found, but making fun of it or living in denial was just about the last thing Himchan needed right now. For the first time ever, he had to admit - Yongguk was acting non-typical for his persona. And it annoyed the hell out of him, as when she finally came back just like Himchan had said she would, Yongguk seemed to look even more scared upon hearing the news than he looked the first time around back at the apartment.

“Y-you did.. W-what?”

“I met her last night,” he said happily, sitting across of Yongguk in an armchair and sipping on his favorite wine that he’d brought along for the meeting, despite knowing Yongguk wasn’t much of a wine lover.

“Where did you m-meet her? And h-how even?” Yongguk seemed to have shrunken in his spirit at least twice, and as Himchan put a reassuring palm on his shoulder, he almost yanked away.

“I couldn’t sleep. I was tossing back and forth, and couldn’t properly fall into unconsciousness. And at some point, I literally though I heard her say, "Hey, Channie, I’m just around the corner in the park. Come and see me”. So I did, since I couldn’t sleep anyways. And upon walking out and into the park, I noticed her standing under some trees just where I kind of imagined she would. It’s crazy, right? I really thought that all of that was a dream, but she was there, looking like an angel.“

"And w-what did you d-do?”

“You’re really acting weird now, Yongguk-ah,” Himchan threw him a disapproving glance, but said no more regarding this topic, “Of course I sprinted off to attack her with hugs, kisses and what not else. It’s been months since I’ve seen her last, and I simply missed her in every aspect there was-”

“Himchan, stop lying.”

“Why would I be lying?” he tilted his head to the side, his sweet smile genuinely frightening Yongguk, “She was there. In my arms and under the moonlight. We sat and talked all night. She told me she couldn’t meet me for a longer amount of time because of personal issues she’d had, and I was devastated to hear she hadn’t shared any of those with me. She also said she wouldn’t be able to live with me anymore, which kind of broke my heart too, but she traced my cheek after all of that and told me she loved me nonetheless. Told me not to worry and just keep living my life, waiting for her to show up from time to time, because she said she’d never leave me. And I figured she’s a grown, independent woman. Plus, I trust her, so does it matter if we’re living together or not?”

“Have you lost your mind or what? She’s-”

“She asked about you too, by the way,” Himchan announced, seeing as Yongguk immediately quieted down and stared back at him in horror, “She asked how her best friend was doing, if he was eating well and taking care of himself, because that had always been her job - to make sure you were still alive, haha. I told her you were managing just a tad bit worse without her, and promised her to look after you, because somehow she told me she wouldn’t be able to see you again. Tell me, why is that? It seems so weird to me, since you had always been close to inseparable. Did you have an argument with her or something? If yes, let me help in order to fix it somehow so it can be the three of us once again, like it had always been-”

“Himchan. She’s dead.”

Silence hung over the room all of a sudden as Himchan’s eyes widened and he stared back at Yongguk in shock, his lips trembling lightly at such a statement. Yongguk’s wary glance made it clear that he was prepared for everything - hell, he was prepared to run from this place in case Himchan would jump up to startle him or something, but instead, he saw his friend standing up and looking at him one last time calmly before leaving.

“How can you say such things?” he asked in a half-cracked voice, breathing in deeply and turning his back to Yongguk as he walked out of the door, saying only one last thing before he vanished.

“I don’t even want to imagine what would happen if she actually died. I would probably go insane.”

“Insane” is the word he had been hearing the most out of all recently - ever since that conversation, in fact. Ever since he wasn’t allowed to go to schedules anymore for unknown reasons, and ever since he was forced to move out of his and her cozy shared apartment to go to this rehabilitation center that he was suspicious actually deemed as an insane clinic or something among those lines. Ever since he had been regularly taken to therapy courses and had been prescribed medication that made him act sleepy, and did nothing more or less. “To forger certain things,” the nurses would always say, and pretend they didn’t see his suspicious and angered glances as he swallowed the pills in his hand, knowing they in fact meant her instead of certain things. 

Hell, it hurt the most when even babyz deemed him to be insane, and mourned over the loss of a B.A.P member as if he had died, and hadn’t simply been crossed off the list of the mentally stable and sane ones. Which hurt even more, because he knew he was completely fine.

This had been one rare walk when his whole recent past once again flashed in front of his eyes, not obeying his tries to repress the flow of memories. Yet as he saw her silhouette in front of him in the distance, he seemed to once again forget about all and once again run with a newfound force. He knew that same second that they all had been lying. His feet started moving twice the regular speed and a broken cry of her name escaped his lips, his eyes watering a little as he saw how genuine her eyes looked as she turned her head to face him, and mouthed his name in return, opening her arms up wide rather slowly so he could run into them, and could collide into the safe zone that her chest was without and melancholy or consequence in mind.

His head nuzzled into he shoulder as he held her tight and felt her fingers going through locks of his hair, ruffling it as he let out happy, shaky breaths.

“Are you even eating anything nowadays? You seem to have become transparent, I swear. Let me cook for you like I used to. Whatever you want, I’ll even learn a new recipe if I won’t know that one already.”

“And you seem to have lost your perception of temperature changes,” she chuckled, and only then he noticed how violently he was shivering from the cold, and her frame, as barely-there as it could be and as cold as ice, didn’t mend the chilling sensation coursing through his bones in the least.

“Channie, please. Dress warmly whenever you go out, okay? I really don’t want you to freeze and get sick.”

He only smiled in return, feeling as if she was the only one who truly, genuinely cared about him. Feeling as if recently all who he ever thought had cared about him at least a little had turned away from him and have either been looking at him as if he was disabled or as if he wasn’t in his right mind.

Just remembering the pained smiles that, for instance, Daehyun gave whenever he came around or the awkward, uncomfortable silence Jongup offered whenever they sat in his room every other weekend and played games seemed to send a new wave of deep hurt all through his chest. Their perception of him had shifted, and no one viewed him as “the glue that held B.A.P together” anymore. He wasn’t the clingy hyung with tons of smiles, pouting and good intention anymore. No one commented on him mockingly, and he even found the lack of commentary about him being insecure about himself from head-to-toe non-pleasant. No one annoyed and irritated him to the last bone just because they thought it was hilarious. They were often being extra nice or intalkative, and it got on his nerves. The smiles they gave as they came in were the worst - you could clearly see how paper-thin and pained they were, for reasons he didn’t understand.

And he truly felt as if she was the only one left who viewed him as the same person he had always been. The only one who loved him the same way she had always done, and as he tightened his grip around her, he felt the need to ask her.

“Why are they all saying that you’re gone? You’re clearly here.”

“I don’t know,” she answered, calmly staring into the distance as she continued stroke through his hair, holding his shivering frame close to her non-beating heart, “Maybe they’ve all gone insane.”

“Insane, ha,” he chuckled quietly, feeling a tear slip from his eye, “That’s me, isn’t it? Yongguk keeps repeating that word as if it was my name. I just want to hear him calling me Himchan again, is that too much to ask?”

His head lifted from her shoulder, and her hands cupped his face as he stared at her, hair messy and eyes teary, yet a smile playing on his lips as they trembled and he let out a little sob before speaking.

“Can’t you just come along? Please, it won’t take long. Let’s just meet Yongguk so he sees we’re fine, and that might just clear all of our issues.”

“I can’t, Channie,” she answered, seeing as all hope in his eyes drained and died down within a single second, yet he didn’t question and didn’t try to convince, simply hanging his head down lower.

“Okay,” he let out only barely, and looked up with tear-strained cheeks on full display only when she lifted his head up by placing a finger under his chin. His brown, foggy eyes that she always said resembled the least rough and most sweet dark chocolate of all looked back at her as another broken smile made it’s way on his lips, and he pleaded.

“Tell me that one day we’re gonna go back home. We’re going to walk past all of them as if we’re having a comeback. We’re going to sleep in, ignoring all alarms, and we’re going to miss a few schedules. I will cook for you once again and you will laugh when I get too caught up by teasing you and having fun to notice that I’ve burned something. God, I miss those days. Tell me it will once again be the same after all of this.”

And after another moment of pleading silence, she offered him something else in return.

“Let’s Moondance instead.”

And that’s exactly where Yongguk found him. Seeing as he laughed, twirled and spun around in the cold, snow-less January air all alone in the middle of the dead, dried up grass. Seeing him as happy as he had always been whenever he slow-danced with her, because she never liked any other type of dancing, and he loved slow-dancing with her as he was good at it. Not receiving any mocking commentary about being the weakest dancer, not having to spend hours upon hours on choreographies he had no motivation to learn since he was always placed at the back, behind someone’s back and out of view for the biggest part of the performance. Simply holding the love of his life close to him in his arms, and making small talk and loving commentary as they stepped back and forth at a light , moderate speed, simply making each other feel at peace with all of their little problems and flaws.

[In the moonlight, she was his dance in this shining moment. From the midnight, when they became one, she didn’t let go of his hand. She matched his footsteps, and underneath the moonlight, they Moondanced]

It took Yongguk one wrong step to crack a branch, and as Himchan threw a glance at the direction of the sound, chills ran through his body as he felt her presence in his arms vanishing and dissolving slowly but steadily. His alarmed stare directed back at her, and with tears brimming in the corners of his eyes, he saw her once again mouthing farewell. He stopped moving, he tried to tell her “no, please, stay longer!”, but she had always been hard to convince. He screamed, he shouted for her to come back, but her hand fell out of his, and she, becoming less visible and real-looking with every second, stepped away from him, knowing he was obedient. Knowing he was going to fall on his knees in just a second and watch her go if she told him to, because he was hers, and would always be. Without question.

Yongguk ran to him, and knelt down to wrap his arms around him from behind. He held Himchan through it all - through the screaming at an empty space for her to come back, through the broken cries that Yongguk was here and she should come and show herself so all would be fine. Through his pleas to take him back home, as he hated this place that gave him nothing but a diagnose and mean stares directed at him. Through his begging to take him in.

Through his never-ending sobs when he slumped to the ground, muttering all and nothing at once, with only one phrase being easy to tell apart while all the others created inaudible nonsense.

“Please, come b-back. I.. I have something for you. It’s in my j-jacket pocket. P-please, I’ve been wanting to give it to y-you so bad for so l-long…”

Yongguk cooed for him to come along, yet he wouldn’t budge. Himchan  constantly went from sobbing to trying to push Yongguk away with the help of an elbow, screaming at him through choking on tears to get away since he’d ruined what Himchan had been waiting for for so, so long. Yongguk told him to make it quiet and follow instead, being afraid of what might happen to him if someone would notice his absence back at his room. If someone would walk in there to find an empty space where they should’ve been, with no Yongguk and no Himchan present, but with a window open and a barely visible path there that lead all through the grass of the nearby field to where they were.

To where Yongguk had finally gotten a hold of him, and kept telling to him to keep it quiet while he muttered about how unfair it was. About how he was old enough to take care of himself, and how he had all the rights to walk out at night to meet her if he wanted to. About how Yongguk and all of them weren’t his friends anymore, as they were lying to him, telling she was gone while she was clearly there.

Crying how it should’ve gone differently. How all he wanted was their normal lives, quiet yet cuddly mornings, Moondances and the ring he spent months picking on her hand as she kissed him and traced over his cheek with her fingers, telling him how much she loved him. Being the only person to have absolutely no mean commentary to spare him.

It was only the next morning when Yongguk drove back there, and requested to meet Himchan’s doctor at the front desk.

“I have absolutely no news for you, Mr.Bang,” he heard as he sat in a chair across of the middle-aged man who had seen all types of weird people in that same exact spot Yongguk had occupied over the years, and was wiping his glasses in order to see some papers that were lying in front of him once again.

“I’m aware. But can’t anything be done to somehow get him back on Earth-”

“No offence, Mr.Bang, but he is already on Earth - and, by the way, I thought we talked about this, and I also believe you are of high intelligence, and should understand. His Earth differs from yours, as in his, she never died. The human brain when put through conditions of extreme emotional pain tends to erase memories of such horrible background, which is why he can’t recall anything. Not the car crash, and not how she had been close to lifeless already as he stepped through the hospital doors with her frame in his arms that night, bones and organs poking out of her skin where they shouldn’t. He is entirely sure none of that happened, and the things he sees are reality to him, even though they aren’t to you-”

“Hell, are you trying to tell me that we’re in different universes or something!? What’s next - is he seeing her ghost or something all the time?? Or is she an angel!?” Yongguk jumped up, quickly realizing  how bad-tempered he was being and quietly apologizing for his behavior, seeing as she doctor simply rose a palm at him as if saying he shouldn’t sweat it. It was all alright, and he wasn’t by far the worst when it came to all of the emotional outbursts that had at some point occurred in this office already.

“What I’m trying to tell you, Mr.Bang, is that having the love of your life die in your arms in such a vivid fashion isn’t something anyone could handle. Maybe you could’ve handled it. He couldn’t.”

And as he went out of the office, he considered if he should check up on Himchan. If he should walk the already too well-known route down to his room, passing by all of the other people held here for different reasons. Passing by the rooms of the grandpa who thought he was still in war, or the middle-aged woman who always made lovely small talk with him whenever he was around, yet, for some reason, thought she was possessed by the ghost of her long-ago passed away twin-sister, and would shift from one mood and persona into another every few minutes.

He figured if he should see his best friend who didn’t belong in this environment at all because he wasn’t insane - just in a different world - yet couldn’t. His knees felt weak, and he notice he had been crying only when he rose a sleeve to his eyes to brush off a loose strand of hair that kept getting in the way.

He had been reported to have carried her for a mile, which is only the outer layer of the story, as the real sadness hid underneath. In the ways he had been telling her how all would be fine while she simply smiled at him, feeling nothing but numbness and pain coursing through her broken body, wiping his tears away with bloody hands and coughing up blood when speaking, telling him that it was oh so beautiful outside that night, and if her legs wouldn’t be broken and she had a little more breath left in store, she would gladly Moondance with him.

Just for a second, he thought if he saw the same scenery Himchan saw last night. With her in his arms as they carelessly stepped through the long grass as if it was the rooftop they usually did it at. With her being clearly present, being the cause of all his smiles and his good feelings, as nothing else had quite caused him to smile ever since he came to live here.

Maybe a reality where she had never died was the best for him, he figured. And the only thing Yongguk truly felt tears slipping from his eyes about was the fact that him and his best friend didn’t share the same perception and reality anymore, and probably never would.

But he was happy with her, and it was probably best to keep it this way, where all that was left of all that used to be was this simple, damned and melancholy filled Moondance.

[angstandhappiness]

DUDE

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