#admission of feelings from Zeb to Kallus

[twinsoulvisionary]

The coloured version... They're FINALLY finished! Zeb opens up to Kallus about how he really feels.

Scene Backdrop: Yavin 4, within the temple barracks.. ( Green celebration doors with massive stone hallways - from Star Wars Vl )

Mood Music:

Enjoy!

[everythingheard]

A laugh. It was a sound that wasn't elicited from Kallus anywhere near often enough, in Zeb's opinion. Hearing it would have left him convinced that he was being derided at one point in his life ( and it very likely would have been true ), and yet — everything was different now. The trial of survival they had fought together on Bahryn had irrevocably changed them both; the alteration in Kallus was the most evident while his own was more subtle, creeping up on him after the revelation that the now ex-Imperial was a Fulcrum agent. Yeah, Zeb wasn't the same. Hera had commented on it one night, while it was just the two of them in the cockpit: ' You seem like you have direction now. '

He supposed he did. That little bit of faith still inside him that he had long thought dead sparked to life again after finding Lira San, and learning of Kallus' chosen path bolstered it in a way he never could have foreseen. Life was weird like that, Zeb had learned.

Kallus' amusement forcibly turning into a cough partway through? That wasn't weird in the slightest.

He gave an exasperated shake of his head. "And you're doing just fine, huh?" All of this ' pushing through obvious injury even when it wasn't thoroughly necessary ' struck Zeb as a very Kallus sort of thing to do, though he didn't feel as if he could rescind his agreement not to stand in the way unless his friend took the discussion off the metaphorical table. Indignation rose in his chest again, yet was somewhat quieted by Kallus' prior admissions still in his mind. "You can't expect me to watch you in pain and be okay with it. Or not to be sore at you after if you do it anyway, 'cause I will be." In spite of his words, his voice lacked a majority of its earlier edge. "You already got us everything we need, who checks the scans won't change that. And don't make this about repaying, 'cause I don't care about any of that." Zeb's gaze flickered to the side then back, almost in-time with a marginal shifting of his weight. "Not that you're making it what I care about. But — I'm asking you, all right?"

He wasn't sure if he was imagining it or not, but it felt like some of the tension drained from Zeb's body. Tension Alexsandr hadn't fully realized was there until it was gone. Ah, he really had worried him. Maybe he could find some other way to make it up to Zeb later, a way that didn't involve neglecting proper scans.

Thoughts on such methods crashed to a halt at his dearest friend's reassurance. On the one hand, Alexsandr found that so difficult to believe; Thrawn was formidable, to be sure, turning his own efforts against him, but the fact remained he'd failed the Rebellion. Even before that, he'd hounded some of their best for so long, been party to atrocities done in the name of mere intimidation, all because he hadn't considered a few important questions. On the other hand... Zeb had been affected by so much of what he'd done, yet still somehow thought so highly of him. Alexsandr had no idea how that could happen, but it had. 'Trust me' -- stars, if his friend only knew how much he truly did, how willingly he'd place his life (and heart) in Zeb's hands.

At that remark about his blood, Alexsandr's light laugh was choked up short by a protesting sting from his wound, stumbling into a hissing wince and a long shaky exhale. Even so, he managed a small half-smile and met Zeb's eyes again. "I do know. ...And if it wasn't for my stars-damned knee," Alexsandr added wryly, with a nonplussed glance at the joint in question, "I would've returned unscathed." His heavier sigh was also clipped at the end by another, smaller wince. "Some days, I feel held together by only a few bolts and a dream."

[mightylauren]

Still Untitled Kalluzeb Snippet

(This is a chunk of the first chapter which takes place right after Zero Hour)

        “It’s not that,” Kallus said, then choked on his next word as the lasat moved a hand down to his bare chest to check the bruising. The touch was surprisingly gentle, especially as Zeb began smoothing a balm over the dark splotches to help them heal. 

        Zeb was highly expressive. When Kallus didn’t continue, the lasat’s ears wilted and his eyes crinkled with concern. He kept looking up from his work to Kallus’ face. 

        “Then what is it?” Zeb asked, swirling a clawed finger to indicate he needed Kallus to turn so that he could reach the bruising on the former Agent’s back. 

        “The transmission,” Kallus began, turning as requested. “It wasn’t intended to warn you that Thrawn knew where the base was. Thrawn didn’t know your location until I sent that transmission.” He let out a shoulder sagging sigh with the admission. 

        “What do you mean?” 

        Another sigh, as Kallus felt the cooling comfort of the salve being spread across his back. “I was attempting to warn the rebellion that Thrawn knew about the planned attack on the factories of Lothal,” he explained. “Thrawn followed me, blocked most of the message, and then used the trajectory to triangulate the base’s location. It’s... it’s my fault. Today was my fault.”

        The hand on his back froze. “No it isn’t,” Zeb said gruffly. 

        “Of course it is. After all I’d done to hide it’s location I handed over the last clue he needed because I was sloppy,” Kallus said. “How did I not realize I was being followed? I could have cost us everything.”

        A soft growl filled his ears, and for a moment he was  confused as to where it came from. It made the hair on the back of his neck stand up and sent his stomach back into flutters. 

        “Kal, look at me.”

        Kal?!? he thought confusedly, but did as he was told. 

        “This wasn’t your fault,” Zeb said, his eyes boring into Kallus’. “Thrawn got the upper hand. It was bound to happen eventually. The man’s ruthless. He even scares Hera. Nobody scares Hera. Sure we took a hit, but it wasn’t a total loss because we got your warning.”

        Kallus didn’t know what to say, he blinked and then let his eyes fall away from the lasat’s face. 

        “How bad is your leg?” Zeb asked. “Don’t think I didn’t catch the limp.”

        “Well, it’s never been quite the same since Bahryn,”

        Kallus admitted. “But Thrawn got in a lucky kick.”

        Another defensive growl from the lasat. “Pants, off.”

        Kallus nearly choked on his own tongue. He knew now was a really inopportune moment to realize that on some level he was attracted to Zeb. Between the gruff tone of his voice as he’d said it and just what he’d demanded the former ISB agent had to reign himself in from being turned on by it. 

        He stood with his back to the bunk as he slid off the straight black trousers. Now he was down to just his boxer briefs, feeling completely exposed in front of the lasat. Kallus couldn’t tell if Zeb was angry at him along with the chiss who had caused his injuries so he stayed quiet while his leg was examined. 

        “Your knee is dislocated,” Zeb said, after a while. “Putting it back in line is going to hurt.”

        Kallus sighed. “What’s a little more pain today, I suppose.”

        Zeb seemed to soften, the scowl in his face lessening. “I’ll give you something for pain after,” he said. “Have you seen this painting Sabine did.”

        Kallus followed where the furry raised arm was pointing, and after a moment looking at the graffiti art, which appeared to depict Ezra Bridger falling from his bunk onto Zeb, a zing of searing pain shot through Kallus’ leg. It seemed the painting had been a distraction for the lasat to jam the injured knee back into place. 

        Kallus let out a strangled cry, falling back into the bunk. 

        “Karabast, I’m sorry,” Zeb said, hands raised as he backed away. “I find not knowing when it’s coming helps.”

        “It’s alright, had to be done,” Kallus said through pained breaths. He sat back up and gingerly moved his knee, it did move easier. 

        Zeb fished out a bottle of pain pills from the first aid kit. “These’ll probably knock you out for a bit,” he said, tossing the bottle to his patient. “So you might as well get comfortable.”

        Kallus was hesitant to lay down in what was clearly the lasat’s bunk, but when Zeb returned with a blanket he had little choice. He poured two tablets into his palm and swallowed them back before surrendering the bottle. Then he pulled his legs up into the bunk, and Zeb surprised him by unfurling the blanket and covering them for him. 

        “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you made it out safe,” the lasat said, as he stowed the first aid supplies again. “I was… upset when you decided not to get out when Ezra tried to rescue you.”

        There was a strange tone to it, a softness Kallus has never heard before. “Well, I’m here now,” Kallus said. “And I’m glad to see you. I... I’ve missed you since Bahryn.”

        The medicine was quickly taking effect, Kallus couldn’t even believe he’d said that. He sank deeper into the bunk, scrunching his eyes closed so as to hide the look of surprise on the purple features of Zeb’s face. 

        “Get some sleep, Kal,” he said. 

        “Will you still be here when I wake up?” Kallus asked, tugging the blankets tighter around himself. 

        “Got some crew business to take care of,” Zeb answered. “So if you wake up and I’m not, know that I’ll be back.”

I originally was going to post the entirety of the scene in which Zeb retrieves him from the hall all the way through this but that turned out to be 1500 words. 

[kaitanisb021]

On Zeb & Kallus

I’ve been watching the split in the discourse around Zeb and Kallus (friendship or other ship v.  Kallus is evil/irredeemable & they shouldn’t be friends, etc), and it seems to come down to Kallus’s role on Lasan. As someone who sees them as (potential) friends, I wanted to give my take on what we might be said to have learned from ‘The Honorable Ones’, by means of explanation and in order, perhaps, to heal the rift.

Backing up a bit: when Zeb and Kallus have their face-off with bo-rifles in Season 1, Kallus claims that he gave the order to use the ion disruptors on Lasan, an order that we know effectively wiped out the Lasat on Lasan, and in a particularly grisly way.

In ‘The Honorable Ones’, however, Kallus says a few very important things. First, he notes that he was given a bo-rifle by a Lasat warrior. Zeb explains why, according to the Lasat warrior code, that is significant. It also tells us that Kallus was not fighting that Lasat with an ion disruptor. No way the Lasat warrior code would have—or could have—been invoked in that context. The new perspective we have on Kallus, then, is that he is on the ground, fighting hand to hand, in a regular battle situation. This is expected and consistent with what we’ve seen of him.

Right after this, Kallus says that “it was…nothing personal” and that he was “only doing his duty.” The “it” here is a bit vague. The one-on-one fight with the warrior? The whole massacre on Lasan? Not clear. All I’ll note here is that the writers invoke a typical soldier trope, one that doesn’t excuse anything (nor is meant to) but also maybe one that suggests that Kallus *could* have been a little lower on the command totem pole than he implied in his Season 1 fight.  

The more significant revelation is his admission that “it wasn’t supposed to be a massacre” but that “the Empire wanted to make an example” out of Lasan.  He also says that “I know I took credit for it….before…” but he’s cut off by Zeb (I don’t have that scene to hand, so I’m not quoting exactly. Feel free to correct).

Kallus’s claim in the heat of battle in Season 1 is thus trash-talking: meant to rile Zeb into being sloppy (which he is: Zeb leaves his side open twice, and almost dies for it. If you’ve any experience with melee weapon fighting, such as staff or sword fighting, you’ll know being angry will throw off your technique something fierce). 

Kallus was clearly at Lasan, and clearly fighting, melee-style, with the Lasat, as part of the attempt to quell the Lasan rebellion. But the episode opens up a lot of questions about his role. I have assumed that the writers had those lines in Honorable Ones to revise/retcon his Season 1 claim to Zeb.

Of course, the episode also shows a Kallus ready to look at his part in horrific actions. Yes, he’s been unarguably horrible and murderous, but I think they pull him back in this episode from being consciously the perpetuator of a genocide. Between what he already knows about Lasan, perhaps after the fact; the questions Zeb raised about Geonosis; and the revelation that he is ultimately, to the Empire, a cog in a machine of death... he steps back and makes the right new choice going forward: to be willing to risk everything to atone for his mistakes. While I do think Kallus has been written a little sparely and even inconsistently, I think the writers opened up a different reading of him in this episode and onward.

One can easily argue this point, of course, but it may be worth being explicit that a lot of us have different assumptions about what could have gone down on Lasan based on what the writers leave open in that episode. If someone (like me) enjoys that transformative redemption arc, one might be more inclined to revisit Kallus’s earlier claims about Lasan and read between the lines. Maybe you don’t have to in order to embrace that redemption arc, but I think many of us do.

Ultimately, though, Kallus as redeemable/partially redeemable comes down to *Zeb* on Bahryn. Zeb doesn’t forget, but he forgives. Forgiveness is everything, beautiful, transformative, both for the one who makes that choice and the one who is forgiven.

[edited to add: props to @roboemma and her fic “The Gift of Hope” for getting me to think through my own position on this, which isn’t exactly the same RE: Kallus but ultimately shares the same conclusion about Zeb. She’s not alone--@maylovely , @goosieboosie and others have mentioned Zeb’s big heart too.]

[edited one last time: I don’t mention Onderon above on purpose. It isn’t an excuse for Lasan. It does, however, suggest why Kallus might have allowed himself to be blinded, and of course also makes him more interesting, sympathetic, and vulnerable as a person--and reinforces the horror of war, which is sometimes obscured when one is cheering the slaughter of faceless bucketheads.]