#adhdemon strikes again

[woodpengu]

My therapist has been dropping some terms that hit The Spot™ (not that one) at the right angle to shift my entire reality into a different mode. And I've been responding with terminology they've taken to their other clients, but that's not [quite] the point.

It's not easy to be neurodivergent. It's different, challenging in end-stage capitalism, and frustrating (for reasons differing from typical norms). The most conflicting part of it [for me, personally] has to be the disproportionate perception of measurement, substance, time, tangibility, etc... I have an example... kinda... bear with me.

My neurospicy brain requires a sense of tangibility, significance, and/or volume when it comes to accomplishments, points of reference (touchstones, pivots, revelations), and terminations. Brain needs fireworks (visceral/tangible event, circumstance, etc) to celebrate (or panic) or mark some point in time/reality. I write my stories by hand because the scrolling window of my computer screen does not give my nervous system tangible data for measuring my accomplishments. I abhor digitized money because I feel like I have none by not having the coins/papers in hand/wallet. I don't feel like I've lost weight until my clothes feel like sacks hanging on by a shoulder or belt.

Unfortunately for this perception of measurement, most changes and improvements throughout life are subtle. And I mean really subtle. They creep up on us from behind as we pass an alley and we don't notice them for a few blocks and treat them like we have to escape them, whether or not they're a good thing.

My therapist pointed out (I'm paraphrasing): "You're in your Season of Recovery. Based on what you've already said*, you're not in the healing bits anymore. You've entered your personal renaissance, operating from discovery, interest, creativity, and that zest for living."

*There was a lot of me talking about perspective shift and feeling less like I was actively processing certain traumas, and more like I was telling the story of what I've been through via writing and illustration without getting yoinked into the memories.

I admitted to them that I felt disappointed rather than joyful. Not because it wasn't a good thing (it is very much a good thing to be out of the healing phase and into recovery)... but because my dubious measurement ability expected fireworks and missed the celebration entirely. ADHDemon struck again and removed me from my own reality at the point when things shifted. So, my new lesson is not to be more perceptive but to be less disappointed about missing the mark. Life is a lot more subtle. Change is quieter. I don't need to be slammed at high speeds with shifts for them to happen... just need to adjust my expectations a wee bit and learn to celebrate when I do notice, no matter how "late" it seems.

[patchdotexe]

i think i am not getting any more transcription done today

[pixelrose-voidpunk]

When you’re hyperfixating on skincare and spend thirty dollars on stuff you’re going to inevitably not use before it expires cause in two weeks your executive dysfunction will stop you from doing the routine 🤡🤡🤡🤡

[lazywitchling]

Do you have any good ways to keep a record of spells/rituals? I’ve been trying, but I either end up just writing down the entire spell again (I have a specific book for writing down different spells), or not writing down enough information. I guess what I’m asking is do you have or know of any templates I could try out? Or what kind of information do you like to keep track of?

Oh goodness, I definitively do not have a good consistent routine. I have tried many things, and each thing is like “This will revolutionize the way I keep track of things!” And then I do it once and never again. Curse you, ADHDemon...

I know at one point I wrote down things like moon phase, time of day, day of the week, all spell ingredients, a copy of any words I said or wrote... and it ended up being waaaaaay too much. Half of that stuff is not useful to me or my craft.

Tbh, what has actually been useful is when I journal or blog about spells. When I’ve tried those formatted “date/time/moon phase/ingredients” sorts of things, it just feels like filling out paperwork. Ugh. But writing about a spell in my journal or on my blog? Yes please. That ends up giving me the date I did the spell, what I did, and why. In the times when I’ve needed to go back and check a spell, those things end up being the most helpful.

Sometimes I write down the specific wording I used in a spell, that way I can check it later and see how the results match up against the specific wording. That’s usually a learning experience... But then other times I don’t write down the words at all, because I don’t want an extra “copy” of the spell floating around in the world.

Like I said, I am not consistent.

But tbh, mostly how I keep track of my spells? Is my shitposts on this blog. A lot of the posts in my “lazy witchblogging” tag read like jokes (and to be fair, most of them are), but to me they’re records. Posts might read as “lol I’m doing spells with crayon and a coffee filter 😂”, but I remember the crayon and coffee filter spell very specifically. I remember spending a couple hours researching the match girl strike, phossy jaw, and safety matches, and I remember putting all that research together to make a spell to help my coworkers fight for better safety regulations in our job. You might not know that from looking at my shitpost, but I do. And that shitpost has a time stamp, which is the thing I’m terrible at remembering.

“When the fuck did I do that spell? Idk but I remember making a joke about it. Lemme go check the post.”

Some of it also depends on memory though, because I’m a fuckin’ liar who doesn’t give away all my witchy secrets, and there are DEFINITELY blog posts where I’ve talked about making an oil, but it was actually a vinegar 😂

The only real piece of advice I can really give you though is to keep your spell records in one place (or two, if you want a digital and a meatspace copy). However you change up your spell records, whatever templates or journals or stuff you try, at least keep them all TOGETHER. That way when you eventually look back at those records, you’ll start to get an idea of what worked and what didn’t. You won’t get it perfect, but that’s okay. Sometimes you’ll look and go “why did I write down the moon phase? What did that have to do with that spell?” and other times you’ll say “I didn’t write down that incantation, and I wish I had...”

But then you know what? You learn from that, and you do better next time.

Oh, and if you have jar spells or oils you’ve mixed or sacred water or whatever, please for the love of dog WRITE A DATE ON THE CONTAINER SO YOU KNOW HOW OLD THAT SHIT IS.