#add this to the list of films that would’ve been better if it was gay

[always-andromeda]

Very Good Girls is such a terrible goddamn movie and I hate it so bad.

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Comics: Spies Like Us and Dime after Dime or Weblena: The Preschool Days (Lena Retrospective) (Comissioned by WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to Shadow Into Light, My Lena Retrospective, which fittingly has now come to Women’s History Month! I sadly do not have anything besides this arc prepared for the month. This month is pretty packed for me with two shows a week to cover, as while there’s only two weeks of Ducktales left final space starts up right after to take it’s spot, two arcs to cover, and two time specific movie reviews: animal crossing the movie and the 1990 TMNT film. I will try to get more than the currently planned top 12 superheroines list out there... but this month is very tight as is, so if I do not I deeply apologize.

Now that’s out of the way, it’s appropriate we start Women’s history month on some likely lesser known parts of Lena’s history, with some comics stories focusing on our faviorite emo lesbian duck and her 87 counterpart. Before I get started on that though Kev my patreon pointed out something intresting a few weeks back i’ve been forgetting to get to and since we’re looking into Minima, I felt this was the perfect time to do so: Lena’s Concept art. 

There’s quite a few things to gleam from this. For starters as pointed out in the reddit thread I got the image as a whole from this was made in 2015, meaning Lena was one of the first new characters designed for the series and was part of it from the VERY early stages, as evidenced by the fact that despite clearly having their new personalities established, Beakly and Webby still had the old designs. 

The other notable change is that her first design was way more like both Magica nad Minima, a bit more modern, but clearly far more obvious who she was related to. She also had all black feathers making the shadow twist a bit more obvious and was likely done away with both to avoid giving that twist away, the same reason for the fake lestrange name, and to avoid accidently black coding her, as while Lena being black would’ve been intersting, it also would’ve invited a firestorm of controversy given that their one black character in season 1.. woul’dve started off as a homeless, manipulative antagonist, and none of that would play well nor was it something the progressive crew of this show couldn’t spot from a mile away.  And even this early on they have an almost final design ready, simply changing the shirt to fit her personality more, and her hair to be pink because it honestly looked better She also had green eyes throughout, but for whatever reason they phased them out. That part I don’t quite get as they look nice but probably they were hard to translate to the reboot style once they settled on their own. Her purple eyeshadow and haircut though have stuck since and were good calls. 

One last VERY obvious note.. Webby was gay for Lena from minute one. While Dana helped it is now VERY obvious they gay coded this relationship from the design phase, and the crew was entirely aware the whole time and I gave them less credit than I should have. They clearly had this in mind, and it’s very likely ONLY subtext because Disney, while making more and more progress, is very reluctant to have queer characters as Owl House was a struggle and since they have a tighter leash on properites based on the sensational 6, that means Frank knew they had the same odds of making Webby or Della queer in anything but subtext that a pig has of suviving in a slaughterhouse. I bring this up because I fear the series getting accused of queerbaiting somewhere down the road instead of doing what they could with a bad hand and hoping they could make the show as gay as they could. Penny is as out as they posisbly could get her, and Violet and Lena’s dad’s got a full apperance, if no speaking role that made it obvious beyond a shadow of a doubt their gay and did it in a plot important episode. So they did their best and I want them to get credit for that. 

But while this is all intresting stuff, join me under the cut for the meat of today’s review as I dig into Lena’s only apperance in the tie-in comic that was never punished here, and the only apperance of her protoype Minima.

Spies Like Us:  As I mentioned this comic was never published here which is doubly weird to me because of how I knew this story existed. Since I follow comics weekly and buy trades reguarly, I read the solicits companies put out eveyr month to see what new series are coming, what the ones i’m currently reading are doing, and what trades are coming out. That sort of thing, and it’s something I love. I know their basically adds.. but their well put together adds that really pull you into the books you like. The big two and the indies are all very good at it and sometimes i’ts the only way to know a comic is coming if the company dosen’t make a press release for it ahead of time. 

So naturally given there are several comics I follow at idw, paticuarlly the TMNT comics, I read those solicits and found they were going to do an issue with Webby and Lena becoming spies, and was excited about it. I ended up forgetting about it and never really followed the Ducktales comic as it came out, and upon reading an issue or two recently, one for another comission by kev as one story, happy happy valley, was particularly terrible. For those who haven’t read the story or my review, it involved the family getting stranded on an island where their forced to partake in activites and smile..that somehow turned into an aseop about Louie wanting to be rich. It ended with this

Yes.. really. That actually happened. But even with this, I fully planned to cover the issue when I covered Lena, and brought it up to Kev when he commissioned the retrospective. He gave me the discord equilvent of a blank stare and had never heard of it. I soon found out why: the story was replaced as, and fair play to disney, it spoiled Beakly’s past from the agent 23 episode which wasn’t going to air in time.  What dosen’t work is they never reprinted the story in The US.. didn’t put it in a future issue and just swap it’s place didn’t put it in the nothing. And the story was fully complete as we’ll see, with a cover and everything so they had no excuse whatsoever to NEVER use it, even with what happened to Lena in the season finale, this clearly took place before that and it was weird to just shelve it because of that. But thankfully when a bunch of the stories were reprinted overseas, this and another one, also webby centric got published overseas. But not in english.

Lucky for me, I was able to find an english translation of an english story which you can read RIGHT HERE. It was translated by @neopuff and I thank them for it as without them this review would not be possible and want to give them all the credit. So was it worth all their hard work translating it? Well let’s take a look. 

We begin at the Manor where Lena is skulking around suspiciously.. though it turns out she and Webby are just playing hide and seek. Though Lena accuses cheating. The dialouge here is pretty flat though that’s not Neopuff’s fault at all. As I can attest from reading other stories a lot of the early IDW comics are just this flat in dialoguge no matter the writer as they were likely given character descriptions and basic info about the show they likely had written up for merchandising and Frank and Co were given no involvement and likely weren’t made avaliable to consult on the comics to help them be a bit more fleshed out. It’s very obvious to me Disney just tried to get these pumped out so they’d have a series in stores to tie in without carring about qualities and given Scrooge debuted in comics, their lack of care toward that side of things in general, but especially in the first american published original duck comics in a while, bothers me a lot. It’s inexcusable. 

That being said the story isn’t half bad nor is the setup as the two hear a beeping and find it’s Beakly’s phone going off with a mysterious message from Q, Webby thinks she’s been reactivated, and is encouraged by Lena to go look after her while she stays along. While Webby says in response

It just feels grossly out of character for both. Lena is far more subtle about manipulation as shown five minutes ago and Webby blindly trusts her. Because she has a massive crush on her and is naïve about how the world works. It just seems very odd of her to get suspicious as she never does on screen, and again it comes off as Disney having barely given the writers any materials on them when i’m sure Frank or Matt would’ve been happy to write up a thing for them to help outside of the usual press materials they were given. 

Though hte last line isn’t all that out of character and has an obvious answer as within a jumpcut Launchpad’s taking them to London and is told to blend in.. which he does with an australian flag and accent.. good gag. 

So our heroines do some heroic breaking and entering and look for the package, but soon find while hiding it’s already in transit.. and had obvious bows on int. Whoops. Our heroes trie the old follow tha tcar bit and refreshingly, it dosen’t pan out as the guy stops and tells them to get out. A nice twist. Unable to follow, our heroes instead find launchpad lost, as his map is upside down

So Lena dares him if he can follow that plane, a nice bit of character for both. I will give Joe credit. While the dialouge’s a bit flat and there was that out of character moment.. for the most part he does nail the actual character down and does use it decently enough. He’s just not given enough page room or actual details to work  with is all. 

So while our heroes follow they end up having to crash as they run out of fuel.. lucky their with the expert but end up near home where the package is delivered to. Turns out this wasn’t a spy thing, this was just a thing with her aunt. That’s fine and a nice gag.. it’s just ruined by just sorta.. ending. Lena leaves disapointed and Beakly scolds webby for “playing spy” and she’s sad. That’s it that’s how it ends. Which dosen’t fit the characters, as while Beakly would defintely scold her, it just dosen’t FIT that she’d be that tearse or not appricate the effort or give her an actual lecture and it feels like Joe had no idea how to end this after the gag and just.. ended it. 

Final Thoughts for Spies Likes Us: This was okay.  It is a bit of a disappointment as for the only story not available.. i’ts just okay and not really above an average Ducktales comics story, with some nice character bits but feeling a bit weak overall, as do at least the first half of the idw comics. I haven’t read the later stuff to see if it got better. It’s worth a read if you like Webby and Lena as characters and it’s not BAD, it’s just not anything impressive and is a simple hyjinks filled misunderstanding story. 

Dime After Dime:

So now  we go back a bit to the original. I didn’t do these in chronological order because frankly, Dime after Dime is the better story of the two and the bigger one at that, so I have more to work with here. But the original also had comics and honestly from the few i’ve read much BETTER comics. I chalk this up to two things: The Ducktales 87 comics seem to have come out AFTER the series was already a hit, and since Ducktales is pretty close to the original uncle scrooge comics minus it’s own tweaks here and there, it’s easy enough to just write the stories like you would a regular uncle scrooge story, just with Webby and Launchpad added, whereas the idw writers were staffed with writing for all new versions of the characters with noticable differences without much to go on.  It’s why to me with tie in comics you have two options: Wait long enough so you can put your story inbtween the episodes like the Steven Universe and Regular Show comics did or just make your own continuity entirely like the Adventure Time Comics and the Archie TMNT Adventures series did. The ONLY time i’ve seen a comic work like this is the Bravest Warriors comic, which had a talented writer and fit well enough in the margins until it sadly ended.. and honestly is BETTER in some cases than the series. I might get to it someday. The point is this comic shows why you need to have a deft hand adapting something instead of just falling your arms about and hoping it’ll work. 

So today’s comic was part of some Disney Series called cartoon tales, which clearly repackaged comic stories from wherever, and put them together. I don’t know much about it and the only other issue avaliable collects the disney adventures adaptation of “Just Us Justice Ducks”, which I might cover at some point. This book does have two other stories which i’d be happy to do on comission or on my own at some point, one involving gladstone the other gizmoduck, but for now, i’m just sticking to the title story and the reason you all came here. 

So we open with Magica gazing into her crystal ball from her Mt. Vesuvies base saying that Scrooge will never know what hit him I know exactly what and who wiil hit him thank you very much. 

Scrooge is seeing Webby off to her first day of day camp, getting all teary eyed which is touching. Beakly apparently goes with her as the story never SAYS Sshe does but she’s not also not around when the story moves on, as Launchpad says it looks like rain. Scrooge dismisses him, though Launchpad turns out to be right. Scrooge had good reason for once though, instead of just being a dick good on you comic for making me not want to punch him in the face, trust me that is a high bar to clear with the scrooge comics, as the weather was fine just a minute ago. Naturally it was Magica All Along! Nothing scrooge can do now that eveyrthing has gone wrong! Her entrance though is sadly not a catchy earwormy tune, but .. this confusing line

I think your thinking of Gladstone. And he’s still single so.. have at that but no Scrooge is the one who values hard work over anything else and brags about THAT or being rich. I .. I don’t get this line and frankly I don’t want to. Even in stories where the dime is supernaturally lucky and the source of his wealth he dosen’t boast about it because he’s not stupid and dosen’t want everyone knowing how to bankrupt him instantly. This line will baffle me until I die, presumably, given my life’s tragetctory, after reviewing an episode of mighty ducks and slipping on some a jerky wrapper. 

Scrooge asks what she wants... 

No this isn’t that kind of story sadly. Her plan is to.. zap the bin with lightning and take the dime. Really just went with your first draft didn’t you magica? But as stupid as this plan is Scrooge has prepared for it. He installed a lightning rod on the bin to save on power, and to power his new super soaker traps. So all Magica did was save him money. She flies off and nothing is acomplished. 

So we get back to Webby at the Teenie Weenie Day Camp.. and just so you don’t think that was a terrible joke on my part...

My theory for how this name got approved at all is the editor KNEW how that sounded and just wanted to see if Disney would actually print a comic with the phrase Teenie Weenie without getting what it means in slang or how hilariously inapproriate it is to namme a children’s camp after it. 

Your probably wondering who that grown woman calling Webby a dweeb is. Well story wise, she’s SUPPOSED to be another kid at the camp around Webby’s age. In practice, she looks like THIS in closeup

So it looks and plays like a 30 year old woman snuck into the day camp and no one’s noticed she’s not actually a children. Or their just humoring her because she had a week to live. I don’t know. I do know she doesn’t get to judge on names. 

Snippy Von Glitz, proof rich people really do hate their kids and this this comic is trying personally to give me material. Snippy is your average alpha bitch, taking a chair from Minma and being obnoxious and classist and all that jazz. Minima gets hers back by making the chair bouncy then returning it to normal so Snippy gets in trouble when she makes up things about the chair, with the lady in charge getting ready to call her Dad. You cannot convince me that her “Dad” is just what she calls her husband, this is how they both get off, and that the lady at the preschool only tolerates it because they pay her a lot and so far the kids haven’t noticed Snippy is 30. Webby likes minima finding her name pretty, proving that the ho yay is alive no matter the webby and magica relative, and Minma returns the favor by saving her from a block. 

Minma is reluctant to make an actual friend, finding they aren’t worth anything and given most of the kids here apparently pick on her and her aunt is well.. Magica, it’s understandable why she’d be so cold. But Webby presses on and says something from Scrooge about friends. Which given Ducktales scrooge has none goes weird but it gets Minma to find out she knows and lives with Scrooge, so she cons webby into taking the dime for show and tell, showing that she can manipulate them with her powers, and that he won’t notice it’s missing, getting her with “I thought you wanted to be friends” 

So let’s pause for a second and compare and contrast the two: Both are the niece, or at least sorta in Lena’s case, of Magica, both manipulate webby, and both are her first real friend: The 87 boys are little monsters and I don’t consider them friends or even brothers, while the 2017 ones are just that: brothers. Their her siblings in all but blood, not friends and have hteir own long complicated history. 

But otherwise the two are vastly different. Lena is a far more complex character as she’s been abused her whole life, is a rebel because Magica hardly gave her agency, and while she starts wooing webby out of self interest it’s clear even as far as the first episode she cares. Lena would gladly be part of the world if she could and this whole scheme is to gain that choice. 

Minma is still sympathetic but very different: She walls herself off because the other kids laugh and mock her for being herself and lashes out at them.. not unreasonably mind , but still feeling she needs no one else.. but as we’ll learn later she’s only helping Magica to finally feel accepted, to get all the fancy clothes and stuff that will make her popular instead of that grown woman masquerading as a kid for disturbing reasons. Minma is at her heart just a hurt kid desperate to fit in. And while Lena shares the desire for a place to belong.. it’s at it’s core much sadder. Lena.. wants a family. Someone to love her and to care about her and actually look after her. Minma has that she just wants to be loved. it’s similar but very diffrent and I can see why Lena evolved into what she did, as Frank and Matt ended up going in a far darker but ultimately more interesting direction. Minima is not a bad character at all though and without her I don’t think we would’ve had Lena, but at the end of the day the 87verse is just not that complicated, so the reboot needed something more and that more evolved into who we have now. 

Both kids excitedly talk about their new friends, with their respective guardians being distracted. Scrooge is distracted by the fact his car is a bit bumpy and Launchpad offers to fix it up for free with some parts from a buddy, which given the sentence “This won’t cost you anything” makes him erect, Scrooge agrees. Magica meanwhile, whose watching Minima while her mom is away which raises a LOT of questions we don’t have time for like who she is, is she’s poes wife or does Magica have other siblings... it’s a lot of questions we’re never going to get answers to. 

The next day Webby got the dime easy as Scrooge was distracted. so Minima swaps them while she’s distracted. But while swiping it was easy, which to be fair Webby is likely approved in his security so it woudln’t match her.. or the story just needed to progress. You make the call. 

Magica does the logical thing and goes and get sthe dime and the story ends there.. and i’m shitting you, she of course brags to scrooge, reveals minima as her spy, and offers to RACE him for it shortly after he realizes he has a fake.

The only major flaw in this story is Magica’s overconfdience, which isn’t BAD persay, but here has gotten to dumbass proportions. She just can’t plan for anything and a CHILD has a better plan than her that only dosen’t work for reasons we’ll get to. And that plan is almost ruined by Magica taunting scrooge!

So a race is on but Launchpad has transformed Scrooge’s old Model T into this

Damn that’s cool. Scrooge of course dosen’t like it, but honestly you get what you paid for. Oh that’s right you paid nothing for something you NEED to use every day for transportation. 

At  the rickity thickity bridge, Steve Buschemi’s worst roll and her minion ask Webby to roll with them and Minima mistakes this for betrayal planning to soak them all.. only for Webby to DEFEND HER, pointing out minma’s her friend, how she dresses is fine and she loves her no matter what.. the last part’s implied. The 30-year old asshole and her minon leave Webby and Minma is genuinely touched, as no one’s done that for her before. She put up so many walls... she didn’t realize someone could ACTUALLY care about her, so obessed with thinking she had to be like that soccer mom in preschoolers clothing, she just had to be herself: kinda werid but in that fun adams family way. Webby says she knows Minma would do the same.. so while she prepares to let’s get back to the race. Magica realizes Launchpad’s roadster is actually gaining and spreads some tacks, but Scrooge counters with some money.. because of course he has a lot of money in the trunk. But Magica takes out the bridge and while scrooge awesomely JUMPS IT... he’s still too late. 

As you probably guess though, Minima had a change of heart, and gave Webby the real dime back, and Scrooge confirms it. Minima TRIES to tell Magica, and Magica is horrified her niece is a goody goody “I”ll never hear the end of it at my astral aerobics class”.. I.. I want to see that. Let’s raise those spirit ladies and kick kick that soul, doge that shadow king punch them in the soul. Yes! Now eat it eat it and absorb it’s power!

We end on a button joke as Webby apologizes for taking the dime., Scrooge accepts it and Webby tells them magica learned to carpet and they gulp for some reason. 

Final Thoughts on Dime after Dime: This story was decent. It has problems, some jokes don’t land and Magica is made horribly incompetent, but minima’s character arc is endearing, and Webby herself is precious as always and her winning Minima over feels genuine. And Scrooge is in prime adoring uncle mode with her and i’ts just so cute. And the roadster race is pretty awesome to watch honestly. It’s an exceptional and enjoyable tie in story.. and not the last ducktales 87 story we’ll be covering here. Wink wonk. 

Next Time: Things get DARK as Lena and Webby head into the depths of Scrooge’s hidden bin and Lena heads into the depths of her own soul. 

Tommorow: Woo-Ooo mofos as we go back to the very beginning of the reboot! A family restored, a lost city to explore, and a glomgold rises! Be here or be square. 

[cheseyre]

good news, sluts! my brain's no longer being completely stupid (only mostly), i've seen the new asides and...have some thought-y thot thoughts:

*deep inhale*

Okay, first things first: this art style is soooo fucking cUTE and I'm a jealous, squealing bitch. Anyone who knows who the artist is, could you link me to them, stat? I think Thomas mentioned them at the beginning of the ep, but nYeh, brain hurt, doesn't wanna do wooork-

Okay, I'll admit, I was a little...apprehensive when I first saw the thumbnail and title. Part of it's just me being a bitter Remus Stan, but also...okay, deep breaths, controversial opinion time, get ready:

I don't ship Prinxiety.

Like, at all. 

I can see the appeal, and these dorks were so very, VERY cute in this particular ep, but I was honestly turned off by the ship long ago due to how overwhelmingly popular it is and how some fans characterize these two and treat this relationship as if it's the only valid one, y'know, the works—slight tangent, but that's also why I don't ship Logicality or Remile. I honestly vibe much better with ships like Roceit or Analogical, y'know?

Cutting in for another brief tangent: I'm surprisingly okay with Demus/Dukeceit/Receit/Trashnoodle/Whatever-Their-Ship-Name-Is-Oh-God-Why-Do-They-Have-So-Many-Fucking-Names; maybe it's cause they haven't actually interacted in canon and the fan content gives me such good Gay Disney Villain content, idk man im weird—).

Still, their interactions were both hilarious and sweet and like I said, I see the appeal, it's just not my cup of tea. y'all Prinxiety fans got fucking FED and I'm happy for you nerds. Enjoy ze happy boys!

I guess another factor in my...low-key hesitance when I first saw what the ep was about is that...okay, get ready, another controversial opinion, le gasp: well, I'm not a big Virgil fan. In fact, at times, he swaps places with Patton as my least favorite sides—especially with some of his recent behavior in eps like DWIT (the "prohibit your breathing comment" really triggered me, for example). Sometimes, his attitude, especially around other sides like Roman or Janus, reminds me a little too much of my sister, who I don't have...a very good relationship with. Add to that how the more...intense side of the fandom has a disturbing tendency to turn him into the 'uwu precious woobie emo baby who can do no wrong' while unnecessarily villainizing other CERTAIN sides in the process, and...I think you all see where I'm going with this little rant 😅

However, upon actually watching the ep, he wasn't...that bad? I don't think? I enjoyed watching him be a flustered, disaster-y mess and genuinely excited at the end, his interactions with Roman were nice enough, and him literally pushing Thomas to make a move with Nico despite his obvious panic attack was a nice moment of genuine character development. I like seeing that, that's the good shit right there. And him being all flustered and shit, and smiling so much at the end of the vid was just...well, adorable. This man has no fucking right to be this cute, my god

alsoooo 

pURPLE EYESHADOW

PURPLE EYESHADOW HE LOOKS?? SO GOOD?? WTF?? SLAY EMO, SLAAAAAAAY FUCK, DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO CHANGE MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME NOW?

alsoooo 

hAPPY ROMAN

YESSSSS~ MAH BOI MAH SON MAH DUMB BITCH HIMBO PRINCE MAH EXTRA MESSY CINNAMON ROLL

ITS  BEEN SO  LONG

AND HIS LITTLE HEART EYES THROUGHOUT THE VID, OH MY GOD-

IMMA JUST IGNORE THAT "ADDING [MISTAKE] TO THE LIST" COMMENT I AM LOOKING AWAY I DO NOT SEE IT LALALALALA

THOMATHY, SIR, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING THESE TWO GAY IDIOTS SO BAEBY

Okay, but Virgil not realizing that "cyberstalking in real life" is literally just stalking is both a big ass mood and further proof that, yes, Logan is indeed the only one holding the braincell out of this disaster of a lot. God help them all if he ducks out in the next ep.

👀

And Thomas x Trash Can is my new OTP.  I dub thee ✨ "Trashmas" ✨

we sTAN TRASHMAS

Wait, does that mean Remus actually WAS in the ep? Cause, y'know, trash man?

hmmm

👀 👀 

Okay, okay. 

With how much Virgil and Roman were going off about Thomas constantly lying, I was (understandably) a tad bit disappointed my snek son didn't even make a fucking cameo, but y'know what? In hindsight, I'm okay with this it's fineee~

He was just off playing with shadow puppets and stealing money from us desperate, content-starved peasants with his sheer extra-ness and, honestly? Gotta respect the hustle. 

Get that precious, precious coin, dapper snake! Wring us poor losers dryyyy!

*evil snek laugh*

Also, this is a breather ep and adding Janus in probably would've caused unnecessary drama with the Roceit breakup and the constant antagonism between Virgil and him. It probably would've distracted from the point of the ep (flirting with social anxiety, exactly what it says in the tin)—much like it wasn't really Virgil or Remus's place to show up during POF. Does that make sense? I think it makes sense. Sorry, brain going brr-

Still, I can't believe the "Fuck Janus Sanders" Club is actually canon now 😂

God, first Patton in a skirt and now this. 

Thomas Sanders, you delight in fucking feEDING this gremlin nest of a fanbase, don’t you? You RELISH our screams of joy and pain and suffering, dON’T YOU?

What's next, actual canonical Janus and Remus interaction? Patton saying the fuck word? The Dragon Witch comes back? Janus's bowler hat gains sentience and takes over the world, Doris-style? What do you have planned, Thomas? Joan? WHAT ART THOU PLANNING, I MUST KNOW YOU HEATHENS YOU FIENDS-

And Virgil's little "would it be fair to him" comment, tho.

👀

Like, I get in the context of the ep, he was likely talking about Nico and how it wouldn’t be good for a potential relationship with Tomas to be founded on lies, but still...my anxceit heart aches, man. 

Gimme that sweet, sweet angst with a side of mutual regret and possible future reconciliation and maybe something more wink wink nudge nudge on top, pls

...and fries.

Honestly, tho, that entire bathroom monologue was fucking beautiful, man. And relatable, too—i can't tell you how many times I've talked to myself in public restrooms because I just didn't know how to get the words I wanted to say out. It's...kind of embarrassing, tbh

Speaking of embarrassing, uh, crying stall guy.

Just...

Crying Stall Guy

Like, I was expecting someone to come out the bathroom stall after Thomas stopped talking, but...I honestly wasn't expecting that. God, that whole scene was so cringe worthy and fucking hilarious

Honestly, Thomas in the ep in general was a huge ass mOOD and we collective gay/bi disasters ALL related with him, and if you say you don't, you're either lying to yourself or a demon. 

There is no in between 

sorry I don't make the rules

Like, I get this series is literally a gay disaster talking to himself for thirty minutes or longer, but like- EMPHASIS on the 'disaster' part 😂

Like...Thomas, you're lucky you're such a goddamn bean, because GOD, I cringing so hard when he first started talking to Nico

Although, I too have apologized profusely for genuine mistakes and am a flustered bi mess around my crush sooo

😅

And god, Roman's "thirty = old man" jokes made me feel old...and I literally just turned twenty, like, come on, man!

Maybe that's because I was literally watching this ep after finishing my ACT and had been sitting with a bunch of high schoolers, with their tiny fucking desks and tiny fucking water fountains smeh

*clears throat*

Anyways, uh, we STAN Nico Pintrovert Florés in this house

Like

He gives me such big Carlos from WTNV vibes for some reason and this makes me sooo happy

and YESS, he's a WRITER

And he's??? So sweet?? A pure bean?? Just sits on his laptop at the mall food court all day, like a god-fucking iCON?? A Nightmare Before Christmas fan?? weARS GLASSES??

my hEART

*cries*

The fandom seems torn between "Nicomas" and "Karrot Kings" as a ship name atm—personally speaking, I'm casting my vote for the latter

*crosses fingers* please dont be another janus x remus multiple ship name issue guys, please please please I can't keep track of them all-

*clears throat*

On that note, I'm guess I'm gonna go try and whoo over my crush with carrots now. If THIS disaster can do it and make it actually fucking work, god damnit, so cAN I

Meanwhile, in hell, my brain's just screaming "CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST-"

God, I hope Nico isn't just a one-shot character, he's too pure and Thomas and him are adorable gay Disney fans and I stan

Oh, I wonder how the other sides'll react to him.

Wait.

Oh god.

Oh god.

This ep just unleashed a new fresh hell of potential Nico x Sides ships, hasn't it?

Welp, time to prepare for ze incoming flood of fanfics, I guess. I'll get my umbrella and rain boots.

That last shot of Virgil during the endcard was so fucking ominous oh my god mom im scared can you come pick me up-

Goddammit, Thomas and Joan, I'm NOT fucking ready to be traumatized again, fUCK

I wish I wasn't a broke ass university student so I could contribute to Thomas's gloriously extra Patreon—both so I can support my favorite content creators who make this amazing blessed content and also, to join my boi Janus in fucking  destroying society by giving money to the people who actually deserve it, fuck YOU GOVERNMENT-

Okay. 

Okay. 

New headcanon time as to why Patton, Remus, and Logan weren't in the ep: they were helping Jan film that Patreon promotional video. 

Like

Remus directed it, Logan helped with the lighting and script, and Patton was just there as the cheerleader. 

The reason Janus made a dog with shadow puppets wasn't just to flaunt his deity status and prove how he is truly above us mere wretched mortals 

despite that being the absolute truth and we all know it, don't lie to yourselves

No, it was really him trying to do something cute and silly for Patton, because Moceit rights, daMMIT

*inhales*

noww 

guys, gals, and nonbinary pals

it’s time forr

the most wonderful time of the yearrr

WAITING FOR THE NEXT EPISODE

Step right up, folks! Hear ye, hear ye, my prediction for the next episode: Prinxiety v. Moceit! With special guest stars: Karrot Kings vibing in adorable gay and Intrulogical, bitter at being excluded aGAIN

Who will win? Who will lose? 

here’s a hint: we all will because in this sick twisted game they are no winners only losers-

Place your bets, folks! ✨

Haha im not readyyy~

tl;dr

this episode has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and ended my suffering—an adorable calm before the... angsty fucking shitstorm that’s coming far too soon. Prinxiety stans, enjoy your food. Place an 'F' in the chat for me and my fellow grieving Remus stans. Trashmas is the true OTP, but Karrot Kings is cute too I guess. I've only had Nico Florés for 24 minutes, but if anything happens to him, I'll kill everyone in this room and then myself. Purple eyeshadow Virgil makes me question my sexuality aGAIN, and happy gay disney prince rights y'all. Say a big ole 'fuck you' to capitalism by giving your local dapper snake moneys. Concussion makes brain go brr and imma go buy some carrots and be gay now.

psst hey @quarantinevibes2020​ you wanna join me in being disaster-y? i’ll bring my best gay stare and you bring the wine

Until next time, my lovelies! ~ Ches 🖤

[distressindisguise]

Love, Simon: Book vs Movie

Obviously this analysis contains spoilers for the movie Love, Simon and the book Simon vs the Homosapien Agenda. I’ve literally been wanting to talk about the differences between the two for so long but my friends haven’t read the book so it’s so hard for me to share and squeal about it. If you’ve read or watched both, or just one, hopefully you enjoy this :) So let’s begin.

1.) Casting

-Simon

When I heard that Nick Robinson was going to be playing Simon, I screamed. He’s played a plethora of different characters lately from strong Ben Parrish to Cocky Olly and now Awkward Simon. He played him so well although in the book, I would say Simon was a bit more feminine. But I kind of liked the change. Nick brought a lot of himself to Simon’s character, and I think that’s the cause for the change.

- Bram

First off, I was so freaking happy they kept Bram black and Jewish. What an icon. Anyways, I think Keiynan did a great job with his character. In the books, Bram was the more “masculine” one I guess you could say. But again, I really like the change whether it was done purposely or not. I think it had to do more with who played the characters than anything.

-Nick

Honestly, I had pictured Nick differently. Nick was supposed to be an intelligent guitar player who loved Indie rock and philosophical questions while still being a star athlete. And yeah explaining it like that, I can see why they changed his character. Nick’s character was so unrealistically perfect in the books but hey, I liked cute slightly oblivious soccer Nick as well. I don’t clearly remember what Nick’s ethnicity was in the book, but I like that they kept more diversity in the film by casting Jorge Lendeborg Jr.

- Leah

I. Loved. Katherine Langford. As. Leah. I. Have. No. Complaints. She. Was. Great. She portrayed her so well and her and Nick Robinson just had such amazing chemistry. Their friendship felt so genuine, just like the books and I have no complaints at all. I was so happy you don’t understandddd. There was some differences in her character though but I’ll talk about those later because it has more to do with plot.

- Simon’s sisters

Simon had more than one sister, but only the younger one was cast. I see why, honestly. The other sister wasn’t really necessary to the plot of the movie at all. The oldest was away for most of the book and the youngest was really the only important one. The movie hadn’t really portrayed Nora as Nora to me. I can understand that change as well though, because the only interesting thing about Nora in the book was at the end when we found out that she had formed a band. Giving Nora a specific personality in the movie made a lot of sense even if it was totally different.

-Abby

No complaints. She was exactly like how I pictured Abby in the books. Only change in her character that was obvious to me was that she lived closer to Simon than I would’ve liked. There’s this whole section of the book where it talks about how the black kids who went to the school lived miles and miles away. She had to spend a long time on the bus each day just to travel to school. That fact may not seem so important but it emphasized how segregated our society still is, even if it isn’t written anywhere. I liked that detail a lot so I was pretty disappointed when it wasn’t added in the movie.

- Martin

Martin looked and acted exactly as I imagined. Martin pissed me off in the books and pissed me off in the movies. One thing I liked that the movie stressed was his kindness. In the books, it was there sure but it was overshadowed by how much everyone hated him lol. In the Movie, you still hated him but it was easier to understand where he was coming from even though what he did was still wrong.

- Ethan

He did not exist in the books, but I think it was a smart move to add him in the movie. It stressed the fact that two very different people could be gay without following the same “stereotype”. I liked the conversation he and Simon had outside of the office. It’s a conversation I think Simon would’ve needed in the books that he couldn’t get from anyone else.

2.) Plot

Here’s a list of minor and major changes I witnessed that I had not already mentioned.

-Leah was not in love with Simon. This is one thing that I hated the movie did. It was a cliche that I was happy the book stemmed away from, but at least the Movie showed how Leah wasn’t mad about it and how she was willing to move on and accept him for who he was. I liked that part, but honestly all of it could have been avoided. Fun fact: Leah drew yaoi fanart in the book. I loved that about her. She was more upset about Simon not telling her that he was gay first in the books. She felt like everyone was replacing her with Abby, and it was honestly a big slap in the face. First Abby takes her crush from her, and now her best friend? Personally, that angle of things was far more interesting to me than Leah being in love with Simon.

-Cal was actually LGBTQ+ in the books. Or at least it was assumed. He was jealous of Abby when he saw Simon hanging out with her and genuinely seemed to be into him at one point. In the Movie, he doesn’t seem to be interested in him at all.

-The mystery of who Blue is was way more complex in the books. It was harder to figure out. In the Movie I feel like they just gave it away too early. There were too many obvious hints dropped and I don’t know if that’s just because I already knew who it was, or if it really was just too easy. For instance, Bram was sitting there eating Oreos and talking about how he loved the Halloween ones RIGHT AFTER SENDING AN EMAIL SAYING HE LOVED THE HALLOWEEN ONES. like c’mon now. Really?

-Bram and Simon’s friendship was more developed in the movie. THIS WAS MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT THE MOVIE!!! In the books, Bram was a background character that didn’t say more than two words to Simon. They sat at the same table at lunch and had English together, but other than that they weren’t really on daily speaking terms. In the Movie, Bram was a regular occurrence. Whether it was begging for Simon’s fries, inviting him to a party, kicking ass at cup pong, or singing karaoke together, they were definitely well established with each other. It was fun to see, especially because their chemistry was amazing as well. It’s something the Movie definitely did better. In the books, Bram and Simon just jumped into a relationship with each other despite few interactions in real life which outside of the fictional world: WOULDVE BEEN AWKWARD ASF.

- Bram knew that Jacques was Simon way before Matin exposed him on Tumblr. I understand the reason for the change in the movie though. They did not have 3 hours to develop this plot.

- Honestly?? My favorite part of the book was when Bram took Simon out to the grocery store on a date and bought a bunch of Oreos to create this sundae Simon joked about on an email because he worshiped Oreos. That small detail was so adorable to me but it got cut so ugh

- Another one of my favorite scenes that got cut was when Bram bought Simon a t-shirt from his favorite band and put it in his locker. That was so freaking cute as well. Also, side note. Simon’s favorite band was not Panic! At The Disco in the books but I’m honestly so happy it was in the movie. When Brendon Urie popped up on the screen I almost died oops.

- The musical Simon’s school did was Oliver! which doesn’t hold much significance but hey

- Abby did Simon’s make up for the play and he really liked it

- Simon used to like to wear dresses when he was younger (this was probably taken out because the movie portrayed Simon as less feminine)

- The Bram x Simon kiss did not happen on the Ferris wheel, but the change made sense in the movie. I don’t mind the change although I was lowkey butthurt about it at first before I saw the film. It made sense.

- Honestly the whole kiss scene was kind of cringey to me in the movie. That must’ve been so awkward waiting on a Ferris wheel for hours as random people took out their phones and whispered “I love gay people.” as if he didn’t already feel pathetic enough. In the movies, Bram caught Simon on this ride that Bram admitted made him vomit over email. That was really cute to me because Bram literally got onto that ride just for Simon and they were able to have their moment alone without other people ruining it.

- Their emails started to get really spicy. It progressed from “I can’t help but to think about kissing you” to basically, “I like picturing you horny” which isn’t a direct quote but it’s something along the lines of that.

- After the play, things got spicy in real life

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

3.) Important Things That Were The Same

- Simon’s speech to Martin about how coming out was his decision. I’m so happy they kept this

- a lot of the jokes were directly from the book as well which I really liked

- Abby and Nick had gotten together at the end

- Simon’s conversation with his mom

Okay that’s about all I can think of, feel free to add if you’d like. I’ve never actually done an analysis or anything before but I just really want to share my thoughts on these two masterpieces.

[ebmusicv]

Evaluation

I’ve been looking forward to this brief for a while since we heard about it, because I love adding visuals to music, it’s a lot easier when you can just film whatever your imagining in your head. I was really eager to film a video for a song that already existed from a band I knew because I wanted to make it quite simple and I had such a wide variety to choose from. It was more limiting with a band. I thought about using a band I knew which isn’t many so when I thought to ask Jay and he said yes I was really excited. The song wasn’t as great as I imagined and it wasn’t really the kind of genre I wanted to make a song for but it’s always good experience working with a real band. It was a lot more challenging than it would’ve been without a band. I decided quite early on that I wanted to show a lot of my skills in cinematography in this project and so as mentioned at the start of the blog I noted down everything I wanted to attempt. I didn’t manage to get it all done but I definitely pushed my limits. Then Hayden asked if we could work together which was great because it meant I’d have an extra pair of eyes helping out. I’ve never been so stressed before, when the band have a train to catch at 9:30 and you’re only just setting up at 9 it is awful. Also when the band doesn’t cooperate it was frustrating or going off on their own tangent.

Collaborating was good because Hayden had a lot of good ideas that we could expand on together. He came up with using a projector for the kaleidoscope shots, I thought to have the kaleidoscope as the projection with clips of 80s gay clubs etc and made this the night before. He also thought of dipping the cherries in glitter which would’ve turned out nicer if we had better filming conditions. He also sorted out filming in pulse which was super helpful! Having the extra pair of hands and brain was useful when filming as one of us could do one thing while the other does something else. What I didn’t like about collaborating was sometimes I felt like I was the only one in control of everyone’s happiness and getting the shots done right like I felt like I was giving orders which I didn’t like doing but I felt nothing would happen if I didn’t. Like the morning of filming the projection and pulse shots I had to get up at like 8am to make sure I could use the projector and book out the room and sort out moving the drums to the other room and still finish the edit of the projection whilst still needing to set it all up, carrying all the equipment. But Hayden physically can’t function on less than 10 hours sleep which I understand because his job is working all night at a club so it was just a bit of a blip. Also it’s easier getting distracted working with a friend.

I am quite happy with the video overall as it shows some of my cinematography skills. My favourite shots are mainly the shots I wasn’t planning on filming so the tape over the lens for the soft look was quite spontaneous but they are my favourite shots I think. I also really like the shot where ciarans hand is on the side with a rolled up note, the quality is actually good in that footage so it looks really clear. But obviously I had to add grain so it fitted in a bit more. I like the intro I wish we filmed them in slow mo, I’m happy with how their name comes up and the title of the song.

I like quite a lot about the video just a few camera difficulties have kind of ruined it so if we knew more about ISO and low light conditions and had access to the green screen room, the footage would be less noisy. At the time it felt like a good thing to have noise because that’s the vibe we were going for but it’s so out of control some are way too noise and some not enough. Not enough was fine but when there’s too much, there isn’t a lot you can do. I think the aspect ratio is also a bit weird which I didn’t realise until I uploaded it to youtube, the black bars are too big. The 80s video tape style shots look a bit out of place as well.

Overall, this project has been extremely trying but I think the end result is fine! We got a lot of footage which was helpful as the song was so long, it was just organising an entire band who didn’t want to really be there was annoying as it felt as though they didn’t have confidence in us until I sent them the screenshots of how it might look. This is knowledgeable for next time I film a music video because it really helps build morale if they know what you’re doing isn’t just pointless, it will look nice in the end. I’m glad I found the band and decided early on what I was going to do because this gave me time to really think through the production before going into it and sticking to a shot list was very helpful as it meant most of the footage was used.

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 1x04-- Henceforth Known As Property

Thoughts on 1x04 under the cut!

The episode begins with an image of the schtup list from last week, which is… fine but not engaging. Maia is annotating it in a crowded elevator. That makes sense! Why wouldn’t you take a confidential document, which you obtained illegally, pertaining to an ongoing investigation on to a crowded elevator at your workplace?

A woman offers Maia unsolicited cooking advice. She’s confused. Another woman jumps in to dispute the first woman’s advice. Maia remains confused. She exits the elevator, and Lucca greets her with information about a fertility case she’ll be working on.

Maia says that’s good, but Lucca realizes she’s a bit shaken and asks if she’s okay. Lucca needs Maia to find precedents for the case, then adds, “And tell me if you’re getting some bad-mouthing.” “If I’m getting…?” Maia asks. “Well, people say things. You know, sometimes people don’t know better,” Lucca explains. When Maia asks if people are talking, Lucca responds, “No. I mean, no more than what you said.” Sorry, does this mean that Lucca, who actually knows Maia, believes that an unverified twitter feed with the bio “Daddy’s little lesbian” is an account Maia is involved with?

Before Lucca can explain further, Barbara pulls her into a meeting.

Marissa knows what’s up: “It’s not your twitter feed, is it?” she says to Maia. Maia is still confused, so Marissa shows her.

“It’s hard to get excited about work when people call you lesbo behind your back.” -- @MaiaRindellSays. Yes. Because real Maia would definitely tweet about her workplace in the middle of a scandal under her real name. This sounds believable.

(I won’t get stuck too much on this point; I was in a fandom once where a 12 year old impersonated someone on Twitter and frequently tweeted about her own middle school homework and people still believed she was a 40 year old celebrity.)

(I don’t know where this music is from!!! Someone find it, please!)

The profile for @MaiaRindellSays (which is not a real account, boooo! The writers USED to make real accounts for their featured twitter trolls, like @Upriser7!) reads: “Daddy’s little lesbian. Love life and never change. YOLO.” I mean that sounds totally fake but okay.

This twitter account—which we later learn is a bot set up years ago—must be a super smart bot if it knows to tweet Maia’s feelings about her dad going to jail.

Fake Maia also tweets about canning fruit, and I wish they’d given her a different hobby because every time anyone says “canning” I think they’re going to summon Louis Canning and I’d rather they didn’t.

Fake Maia talks about sex too!

“Do you have any enemies?” Marissa asks Maia. Maia has a lot of enemies, Marissa! (Here’s a better question: does Maia have any friends? I understood when Alicia—who was in her early 40s in TGW season 1 (which took place in 2009-2010), was technologically inept, and was kind of a loner—didn’t know when internet things were happening. But would Maia really be so disconnected? Is she making an effort to unplug after those harassing calls? Are friends not willing to trust her? Do they think it’s too awkward to reach out? Are Amy’s friends reaching out to her? Why aren’t we seeing more about this side of the scandal? YMMV but to me, these questions are far more interesting than tracking down a twitter troll.)  

“It’s the scandal,” Maia realizes. “What do I do?”

Marissa says the way to track down the fake is to tweet to her. “I’m gay and like canning, too. We should meet up. :-)” Marissa DMs fake Maia.

COTW time! Case stuff happens!

I’m amused that the client’s last name is Salano, which I kept hearing as Solano at first, and her case is a dispute about eggs. Jane the Virgin, anyone? I’m sure that show could find a way to connect Laura Salano to Raf and Petra.

One thing I like about the case: Laura is a friend of Barbara’s. Another thing I like: the RBK team on this case is all female.

Barbara calls Diane in to help on the case, and once Diane leaves, Barbara moves closer to the client. That’s when it becomes clear they’re friends. “So you’re expanding?” Laura asks, referring to Diane. “Girl…” is all Barbara can say. “Explain,” Laura says. And then we cut away from them, and that’s fine, because we already know how Barbara feels about this. But this is one of those little “throwaway” scenes that end up mattering a lot to a show. Seeing Barbara around a long-time friend clues us in on who Barbara is outside of the office, even if all the information we’re really getting here is that Barbara has friends. (And, uh, that means a lot in this universe, because a lot of the characters don’t seem to have friends.)

Diane spies a man in Adrian’s office. She asks Marissa who it is. She has a suspicion, but needs Marissa to confirm. Marissa tries to be inconspicuous… and knocks a painting off the wall. Adrian and the man—Mike Kresteva, the Lying Liar—turn to look at her.

“Mike Kresteva,” Marissa tells Diane. (It makes sense for Marissa to recognize him; she’s Eli’s daughter after all.) Diane gets worried, and instructs Marissa to pull Adrian out of the meeting.

Marissa and Mike make eye contact. I wonder if Mike recognizes her. It would make sense if he did.

“Mike Kresteva. What’s he doing here?” Diane asks Adrian once he’s left the meeting. Adrian doesn’t know yet and wants to know why Diane is alarmed. “One of the partners at my firm, Alicia Florrick, knew him. He made her life hell,” Diane explains, accurately.

I don’t think we’ve ever seen Diane interact with Kresteva before, though he would’ve been a figure she’d heard a lot about, both through the gubernatorial race (she represented Peter in that voter fraud case!) and through Alicia. This Alicia reference is a necessary one. Diane doesn’t fear Kresteva because she disagrees with his politics; she fears him because she’s heard Alicia’s stories. I doubt Diane knows the anecdote about Alicia calling Kresteva Hitler and to his face and then telling him to die chocking on his own blood because she knows what she actually says to him doesn’t matter one bit, but, yeah. Kresteva’s that awful.

Anyway, Diane is warning Adrian that Kresteva is a Lying Liar.

The scariest thing about Kresteva, I think, is that he’s totally aware he’s lying. He just doesn’t care. He’s not gullible or easily confused. No—he’s calculated and cruel.

“I can handle myself,” Adrian tells her. Yeah. Sure. Diane isn’t satisfied with that answer and absentmindedly hands Marissa a sheet of paper. Marissa has to remind her to explain—a nice way of conveying how consuming and intense Diane’s dread of interacting with Kresteva is.

Kresteva is now on a task force about police accountability. He’s a fictional character in a fictional world, but that still makes me want to cry. The first time we met Kresteva, in W319 (Blue Ribbon Panel), he was making excuses for and shutting down inquiry into a cop shooting and then framing an unarmed black man. (That’s still one of the most eerily prescient episodes of TGW. The cop in that episode was named Zimmerman… and the episode filmed right before Trayvon Martin was murdered.)  

Maia and Marissa are still waiting for a reply from the Twitter account. (Wouldn’t a bot reply instantly? HOW DO TWITTER BOTS WORK? I’m almost curious enough to go down a Google rabbit hole!)

FakeMaia tweeted back. She wants a picture. So, Marissa goes into her “photostream,” which she keeps on her work laptop for occasions like this (what are you into, Marissa!?), and selects a picture of some random stock image girl. Maia wants Marissa to get a photo back from the bot. The bot sends one back instantly. Several, actually. They’re artsy images of a naked woman who doesn’t look like Maia but whom Maia says is really her.

So wait. There’s a bot on Twitter that carries on conversations, is up to date with the news, has hobbies, and just sends nude pics of Maia if you ask!? And it was created by some random photographer, on his own, several years ago? Is this supposed to be a play on that racist Microsoft bot from a while back?! Ohmygod I’m gonna stop nitpicking. Or, at least, I’ll try. I’m not sure if I’m more concerned that this could happen or skeptical of the plot.

At least Maia knows who’s behind the account now: she remembers the photographer. (Hey, they did this plotline on Desperate Housewives!)

“This feels like old times,” Kresteva remarks as he steps into Diane’s office. Again, not sure they ever met on screen. “And what line are you selling today, Mike?” Diane asks. “Why is everybody so suspicious of me?” Kresteva wonders. Hmmm. Why indeed.

He informs Diane of his new position. She refuses to give advice or say much. Kresteva says he’s changed. Sure. “How is your son doing, Mike?” Diane tries to change the subject. Turns out Kresteva’s son (named Jax; I remember this because I’ve been thinking about characters named Jax because of the Rindells) passed away. Kresteva almost seems like a human being telling his story.

The second he leaves her office, Diane Chumhums (HIIIIiiI CHUMMIE I LOVE YOU YOU SILLY LITTLE GOPHER) to determine whether or not Kresteva’s son really died. She hates that she has to look it up, but she does. Turns out Kresteva was telling the truth about that, sadly.

Diane goes to the fertility clinic to follow up on something COTW related. The doctor mistakes her for a patient. Diane laughs that off—“I’m not here for myself.”

Case stuff happens.

There’s a joke that goes on for way too long involving a doctor who’s hard of hearing. It’s supposed to be funny. It is not funny.

Sleazy Twitter Bot Bro is now a photographer who specializes in portraits of children. Gross.

Maia is, in theory, on the case of the week, but aside from the one scene where Lucca asks her to do a bit of research, her main work task seems to be investigating her personal life and using firm resources (computers, support staff) to do so. Either that, or she has a really generous lunch hour.

Marissa is comfortable being very assertive around Bro. When she speaks up on Maia’s behalf, Bro wonders if she’s Maia’s new girlfriend. Sounds like someone’s precious masculinity was wounded when Maia came out. Boo hoo. Marissa explains she’s not, “but that doesn’t matter.”

They broke up four years ago. I wonder if Maia’s bisexual or if she realized after (or during) the relationship she was gay?

The twitter bot was set up two years ago, which means Bro was bitter and resentful for two years. (Also means that Amy and Maia, if we believe the writers requested a photo of Amy and Maia for the icon, have been together at least 2 years.)

“What’s a Twitterbot?” Maia asks. … exactly what it sounds like, Maia. What weird sort of bubble does Maia live in!? (Alternatively: writers, it’s never a good look to make your characters more ignorant than they realistically should be for the sake of exposition.)

The bot will duplicate itself if he turns it off. Wha?

When Bro tells Maia to “tell your girlfriend to fix it,” she slaps him. Yay, Maia! (If this happened in the first episode of the show, I’d be worried about the series finale. I think we’re safe because it’s episode four.)

Maia and Marissa return from their non-work related adventure at the same time Diane and Lucca get back from working on the case. The subpoena guy (I’m sure there’s a technical name for this—process server?) who’s a crew member or something is in the RBK lobby, subpoenaing everyone who worked on the police brutality case in F1x01. (At least, I assume that’s why he’s serving them, since he doesn’t subpoena Barbara or anyone else.)

There’s something missing from the Maia subplot—and, really, from the way Maia’s been written so far in these first four episodes (well, mostly just these last two, so there’s hope!). Whenever the show could explore how Maia’s feeling or what she’s thinking or how she’s doing at work, it instead goes for a plot-driven conspiracy. Twists and turns are fun, but Maia’s a new character. These plots don’t give me much of a sense of who Maia is or how she’s coping with the aftermath of the scandal. Consider, for a minute, what the show would look like if Maia’s parents were obviously guilty. Instead of having to wait for the reveal of what really happened (which I don’t care about at all), we’d be dealing with Maia realizing the betrayal that definitely occurred. We’d be seeing her lose her innocence and rebuild instead of watching her investigate various family members we as the audience have no reason to trust. Maia would be the focus, not the facts of the scandal. Same goes for the harassment. Why can’t it just be some random person on Twitter who made an account, and Maia has to learn to steel herself against it? Why does it have to be an elaborate Twitter bot that also makes Fake News?

I keep coming back to the way TGW season 1 worked for Alicia. First, and I didn’t realize how smart this was until TGF began, Peter committed two crimes: one against the law and one against his family. Alicia even makes that distinction in the pilot. She doesn’t care as much about the crimes he allegedly committed, and she (and we) don’t know if he really did it. What she does know, and what we do know, is that he cheated on her with prostitutes. Since there are two scandals there, Alicia can lose her trust in Peter because of one (the cheating) while the writers are free to play around with the mystery/conspiracy of the other. But we don’t have that with the Rindells. Their scandal is all doubt.

While I’m on this kick of comparing the writing for Alicia to the writing for Maia, I’d also like to mention W109, Threesome. That episode has a plot that’s similar to Maia’s in this episode. Alicia is the last to know about Peter’s call girl’s appearance on Chelsea Handler’s show. Zach and Grace know about it. Peter’s legal team and publicity team know about it. Everyone in the office knows. It’s not until Alicia’s assistant pulls up the video that she finds out. We see Alicia react to the interview; how much it pains her to be called “frigid.” Alicia’s called to meet with Will and Diane before she can even finish watching the clip, and we get a great little sequence of Alicia walking through the firm, her confidence waning as she notices everyone’s eyes on her. Her whole demeanor changes completely from what we saw as she walked in to work. Will and Diane are talking about damage control when she arrives, and we can tell from the way Alicia’s moving she expects that they’re going to talk to her about the video. (I’m rewatching this now, and holy shit, guys, she even does the thing with her hands to calm herself down. You know, that thing she does in the last minutes of the series finale. SHE DOES IT HERE TOO.) She only relaxes, slightly, when she realizes they’re talking about Stern’s scandal, not hers. And the whole episode plays out with Alicia trying to figure out what’s going on with Peter, how to make Amber stop, and how to talk to her children about their father’s sex life. And, oh yeah, she’s on a case the whole time, too. I could talk for hours about Alicia’s arc in W109, and how the episode deepens the audience’s understanding of Alicia by forcing her to shift between so many environments, and how the central problem of Amber Madison’s eagerness to spread lies is resolved as an issue between Alicia and Peter, not as a convoluted plot. But I won’t, because I think the example of that first scene (which you really should rewatch!) illustrates my point: the writing for Maia lacks this nuance. The writing for Maia is mostly about plot. The writing for Alicia used plot to develop the character.

Lucca waits for Colin in the bar near the courthouse. She’s already ordered a burger and cut it in half for him. What’s their ship thing going to be? Burger and Fries? Onions and Peppers? (Note: this is not a serious question.)

Colin thinks Lucca’s there to flirt, but she’s there for work. But they don’t get to work before Colin invites her on a date to get milkshakes. Something about his therapist. This is cute, but not really anything I need to get into in-depth.

Lucca asks Colin about the subpoena; he says he’ll look into it.

Marissa made a breakthrough in the Twitterbot fiasco. She contacted Twitter and they froze it right away, which is definitely how Twitter deals with harassment. (I actually don’t know if this is realistic, but I’ve seen so much about how ineffective Twitter is at suspending trolls that this seems too fast, even though it also seems totally logical.) (But won’t the bot remake itself?)

Maia and Marissa high five, adorably.

Case stuff happens. This case is interesting.

Alma Hoff is back! So is just Stanek, who is still collecting electronics in a trash can.

Yesha gets a news alert from Chumhum about Maia being fired. She phones Maia to ask if it’s true. The news source is obviously fake, but I can’t tell if it’s Fake News or Real News For These Characters But Fake Because Copyright Laws.

Maia asks Adrian if she’s being fired. “I barely even know who you are,” Adrian replies, shooing her away. Heh. Wouldn’t Maia know it’s a lie from the fact that she didn’t call her workplace anti-gay?

Now there’s a story about Maia buying $350,000 in jewelry. Ah, it’s one of those sites. The ones that generate ridiculous stories about famous people that have no connection to the truth at all.

Now a Grand Jury is in session, and I think this insert of “GRAND JURY IN SESSION” is lifted from a TGW ep, probably 314 or something from season 7.

Diane is on the stand; Kresteva is questioning her. He starts off by framing her answers as uncooperative, and then begins to flat out lie. “What could be wrong with my motives?” he asks. LOL. I CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING. (Even if it weren’t Kresteva specifically… there are still a lot of good reasons to be suspicious!)

“I think you tend to lie,” Diane responds. Kresteva goes after her about the money the firm makes off of the police brutality cases. It’s 30% of the firm’s annual income. Well that’s a cynical suggestion.

Kresteva asks Diane if she said that the problem was that “the people of Cook County hated African-Americans.” Wait, I thought she refused to answer in his version of events? Also, what does he mean by the People of Cook County? Does he mean in the legal sense (The People vs. ___) or does he mean that Diane said that Cook County residents are racists? What narrative is he trying to spin—that Diane was uncooperative, that Diane wants police brutality to continue so she can profit, or that Diane made sweeping accusations of racism? All of the above? Does it matter? Is the point to scare the firm away from these cases or to actually accomplish something with the Grand Jury? (I think it’s the former.)

Anyway, the real point of this scene is that KRESTEVA IS A LYING LIAR.

“Are you saying that my notes from our meeting are incorrect?” Kresteva asks. THIS GUY IS SO FULL OF BULLSHIT, I NEED TO WATCH THE GIF OF ALICIA TELLING HIM TO DIE CHOCKING ON HIS OWN BLOOD, PLEASE A FEW TIMES NOW. Kresteva is so full of shit that his lies don’t even make sense! His whole shtick rests on the hope that the grand jury finds him trustworthy! If they don’t, then why shouldn’t Diane suspect him? What should it matter that his “notes” don’t match what Diane’s saying? They’re his notes. He could’ve written them whenever he felt like it; he could’ve written down whatever he wanted! It’s not a video. It’s not an audio recording. It’s not a print-out of an email. The people who say “believe me” (or variations of that) the most are the ones to watch out for.

Kresteva’s lies, which seemed outrageous back in 2012, play differently in 2017, don’t they?

This scene is very hard to watch because of the emotional toll it takes on Diane as she realizes nothing she says or does will help her out of this hole. Kresteva will just make up more lies, and when he does let the truth through, he’ll spin it to make Diane look bad. Diane’s mistake about Jax seems malicious when he questions her. Her denial of the conversation reads as guilt. How could Kresteva have made up all of that information, the jury must wonder. Isn’t it more to this lady’s advantage to lie than it is to the head of the task force?

Diane says Kresteva was in her office for six minutes. I don’t get why she says this, since we saw the full meeting and it wasn’t six minutes, so…

Diane’s furious when she gets back to work. “He’s setting us up,” she announces to the others. Adrian understands why: Kresteva wants to reduce the number of police brutality cases by having fewer cases filed. I presume this means not just shutting down RBK’s cases, but also making other firms fear taking them on.

Lucca goes to Colin to investigate further. “Yeah, he lies,” Colin acknowledges. “Does your boss know that?” Lucca wonders. Good question. Colin agrees to help out, which is very nice of him. (So far, Colin feels a lot like a flirtier Finn Polmar to me.) Lucca says he seems like a good guy and reminds him they have a milkshake date. They can’t have sex yet because it would seem like a quid pro quo. “Fuck, I hate being a good guy,” Colin jokes as Lucca leaves.

Case stuff happens. I like Judge Stanek.

Colin does bring Kresteva’s methods up with the boss. The boss hears Kresteva’s strategy for how to reduce the amount of cases and doesn’t care about (agree with?) the ethics of it. Colin tries a different angle: the firm is all African-American; won’t that look bad? Kresteva argues it’s not all black because of Diane. LOL DIANE IS ONE PERSON. (And even if you include Maia and Marissa, that’s still a small fraction of the total employees.)

Colin must have pretty high standing/be pretty good at his job if he can bring this up at work. Kresteva gets a small warning, but he’s allowed to continue.

“It’s fake news,” Jay tells Maia. The original twitter monster has morphed into a lot of fake news all across the internet.

Yesha tries to stop it by getting a TRO against Bro, but he says it won’t work because his servers aren’t in Cook County. Yesha tells Maia there’s nothing more they can do. “Not legally,” Yesha repeats. Then she leaves, as Maia, Marissa, and Jay all think of illegal ways to stop Fake News.

Marissa has an idea—create fake news about Bro. Wouldn’t it be easier to just phone his boss? WHY ARE YOU GUYS USING YOUR WORK COMPUTERS TO CREATE FAKE NEWS WITH EXPLICIT CONTENT? WHY AREN’T YOU GUYS WORKING?! (Yes, this has gotten under my skin, why do you ask?)

Bro’s boss buys the fake news. Would that really happen? I can see him being fired because it looks bad, but being fired because your boss believed ILoveFakeNewsDotCom or whatever seems strange.

Case stuff happens.

Bro shows up at Maia’s office to announce, “You’re ruining my life.” HYPOCRITE. (Though, I do have a question: if the fake news is no longer spreading because of him, what is this accomplishing other than revenge?)

He calls her a bitch. Hell. No.

Luckily, Adrian intervenes and Bro calms down. “You drop your news articles and I’ll drop mine?” Bro says. So they are his news articles? What happens when someone else gets the same idea?

“At this firm, we stand up for each other, Maia,” Adrian tells Maia after she thanks him. Awwww. (So does that mean he’s cool with her doing all of this on the clock, using work computers, and pulling Marissa and Jay into it, too?)

YES!!! A break from the Diane/Barbara tension!!!!! This week, they’re drinking together after a rough day in court. Diane’s sad. Barbara, too.

“Do you regret not having children?” Barbara asks Diane. I can’t believe we got through seven seasons of TGW without Diane ever answering this question. That’s cool!

“Sometimes,” Diane responds honestly. “Not often.”

“When are the sometimes?” Barbara wonders. This feels a lot to me like Barbara trying to decide if she should try to have kids before it’s too late.

“With my husband. I mean, it’s too late for us now, but, uh, but I look at him and I wonder what, you know, what his son would be like. Or my daughter,” Diane explains, breaking my heart. (She and Kurt are totally going to reconcile, right?!)

“Yeah. It’s interesting,” Diane continues, unprompted. “Most people think I didn’t want kids, and that’s why I made my work my life. What they don’t realize, it’s… it’s really just the opposite.” I definitely assumed that Diane prioritized work over having kids. I’m not entirely sure what Diane means by “the opposite” but I think she’s saying that kids didn’t seem to be happening for her, so she had time to throw herself into work, and then it was too late. I wonder if Diane would’ve considered IVF if it had been more common when she was in her 30s/40s.

Diane and Barbara talk a little bit more, then Diane finishes her drink and goes back to her office. She phones Kurt. He doesn’t pick up (or does she hang up too quickly? I think it’s the former but compressed for time). I CAN’T WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK.

Then Diane has an epiphany: ENGLAND.

“We dialed 44 and then the number,” Barbara retorts when Alma asks how they called an agency in England. LULZ.

Case stuff happens; Laura wins! (Also, who knew Alma Hoff had a pottymouth?)

I barely talked about it, but this was a very complex and compelling case.

The Fake News hasn’t stopped. Shocker. Yesha has figured out that now Reddit is making fake news because people on the Internet also hate Maia.

Now Yesha and Marissa both advise Maia to drop it. So she does. But… Fake News has Real Consequences.

Someone brings the Fake News about Maia, which is now in the Cook County Vindicator which I thought was supposed to be a legit paper with actual reporters but whatever, to Kresteva’s attention. He’s looking for any ways to go after RBK, and this news article—real or fake—plays right into his story.

His white board of RBK targets consists exclusively of people we know (and excludes Reddick—who is Reddick, anyway? Is he still there?), including Amy. “Hired for SA ties?” reads a post-it next to Maia’s picture.

So… that’s what’s coming next. All the conspiracies come together! That means it’s time for ELSBETH TASCIONI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Seriously, Elsbeth is the one good thing about the unnecessary conspiracy plots The Good Shows like to do.)

[admittedlynotspartacus]

Oscars Post-Mortem: It Was Always “Moonlight”

In 1989, Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing was one of the most buzzed-about films of the year. Personal, intense, and shot with wild ingenuity, it shed a light on the raw nerve of race relations in America, topping Robert Ebert's, Gene Siskel's, and Rolling Stone's lists of the best of the year. But come Oscar time, it was largely snubbed, receiving only one nomination - Best Supporting Actor for Danny Aiello, the only white principal character.

Flash forward to 2006, when the Academy thumbed its nose at "gay cowboy" film and presumed Best Picture frontrunner Brokeback Mountain in favor of the goopy, movie-of-the-week trappings of Crash. Then came two back-to-back years of #OscarsSoWhite, in 2015 and 2016, with notable snubs for presumed nominees Ava DuVernay and David Oyelowo for Selma, Idris Elba for Beasts of No Nation, Benicio del Toro for Sicario, and Straight Outta Compton, among many, many others. Time after time, the Academy seemed to be turning a deaf ear to films about "the other," arguing films should be judged on merit but still rewarding white, male-centered mediocrity like Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, The Imitation Game, and War Horse. There were outliers, sure - Kathryn Bigelow's Directing win, 12 Years a Slave... but usually if your film heavily featured people of color, gays, female leads, or was directed by a woman, you were SOL come Oscar night.

That all came to a head on Sunday night. As we all know, PricewaterhouseCoopers fucked the pooch, and there was a big ol' snafu regarding whether La La Land or Moonlight won Best Picture, before all was set straight and the latter reigned victorious. It really felt like all that Oscars history had all been leading to the beautiful moment of clarity that was the mix-up. In the moment, it was easy to accept that La La Land had taken top prize; all prognostication pointed to that being the outcome, but in truth - it never was the Best Picture. It was Moonlight all along...

... so why didn't we see it coming?

I went to Moonlight on opening day in October and it completely haunted me. I remember how hushed that packed theater was, and I remember feeling like it was something of a miracle that such a film could even exist in today's marketplace. After all, an empathetic window into black queer life, produced for $1.5 million by a relatively-new studio, helmed by a second-time director and starring a mostly-unknown cast, is a far cry from Batman vs. Superman. Upon release, The New York Times review was titled, "Is This the Year's Best Movie?" and it still boasts a 99% score on Rotten Tomatoes. But even despite this, and even despite that it was my favorite movie of the year, my understanding of Academy history didn't allow me to even entertain the notion that the best movie of the year could actually win the Oscar. That prize was reserved for something else, something like La La Land.

From the moment it opened at the Venice Film Festival in August, Damien Chazelle's throwback musical romance was virtually hailed as the Second Coming, with nearly-unanimous praise and claims that it was a "hot miracle" that mixed the joy and exuberance of Old Hollywood classics Singin' in the Rain or An American in Paris with the sumptuous, grand melancholy of The Umbrellas of Cherbourg. Add to that two charming, attractive, famous leads, a writer-director coming off one of the most pleasant film surprises in recent memory Whiplash, and the subject of Hollywood and a struggling actor, and it felt like it couldn't miss. Until I saw the movie...

There's been a lot of talk about a La La backlash; in the wake of Trump's America, it's been called everything from a "white savior" film to a glorification of "man-splaining." Suddenly, its escapist elements were blowing up in its face. But that's representative of Internet think-piece culture, not the Academy, and if ever we needed a film of glorious escapism, it's now. So truth be told, I never really bought into much of the backlash. I mean, it was certainly irresponsible to make the only black character of substance the one who's holding back jazz, and we needed no further indication that the movie would've been better served by diverse casting of actual singers than John Legend's Oscar performance. But too often I think white people (and I include myself in this) can overly villain-ize whiteness in an attempt to be an ally, thereby demonizing things that are hardly the problem, especially when Donald Trump is president. In all seriousness, my favorite movie of the last 20 years is Boyhood, which is about as diverse as a Trump rally but remains a masterpiece. So I balk at that being the problem.

No, I think the main issue with La La, and something I felt seeing it opening night, is that Damien made a very naive movie. I mean, the guy's clearly not an asshole; his gracious embrace of Mahershala Ali and Barry Jenkins during the mix-up shows that. But there's a simplicity and lack of texture and depth that permeates the film. While it's technically impressive, with a stunning score by Justin Hurwitz and solid work from Emma Stone, it too often feels solely derivative - paying "homage" to the magic of old movie musicals without seeming to understand what made them magic in the first place. Its screenplay is creaky, there's little conflict or tension, and while the final ten minutes pack a punch, they make little sense as the resolution to the story we've been watching (Why do they break up? Why haven't they talked at all in years? Couldn't they at least have tried and made it work?) In short, it was never going to be Best Picture, but for some reason it developed the narrative that it had to be.

A historic 7 wins at the Golden Globes! 9 of 11 Guild wins! And then, to top it all off, a record-tying 14 Oscar nominations on par only with All About Eve and Titanic. And that was the moment when we all should've pinched ourselves, taken a step back, and realized that this was never going to happen. I mean, even if you LOVE La La Land with all your being, I think you'd be hard pressed to make the argument that it's better than either of those films, or that it deserves a spot in a pantheon above films like Citizen Kane... or Casablanca... or The Godfather. It's just not that great. It's just not Best Picture.

Moonlight is. It manages somehow to take characters and scenarios that could feel cliche and hackneyed, turn them inside out, and reveal to the viewer their utter humanity. Its powers of empathy are palpable; it makes a black, gay story universal. On top of that, it unfolds like a dream, a visual tone poem that feels like a symphony more than a film. It's moving and it's hopeful and it leaves you with a better understanding of humanity and with more love in your heart.

Moonlight didn't win because of #OscarsSoWhite, or the Brokeback upset, or the Do the Right Thing snub. It won because it was the Best Picture. It just took all these factors, plus Donald fucking Trump, to give the Academy the kick in the ass it needed to actually pick the most worthy film. I'll leave others to dissect how that reflects on the black or gay experience in America, but I think the implication is clear.

It's possible La La Land will fade into obscurity as far as film history is concerned. It's also possible that it can now take its rightful place as the cute, mildly charming, fluffy rom-com it is rather than the awards juggernaut the Academy and Lionsgate tried to puff it up into. In the end, for once, the right film won. It was Moonlight.

It was always Moonlight.

[gossipnetwork-blog]

Performers' Mental Health: Is Porn Industry Doing Enough?

New Post has been published on http://gossip.network/performers-mental-health-is-porn-industry-doing-enough/

Performers' Mental Health: Is Porn Industry Doing Enough?

When the Adult Video News Awards take place next weekend in Las Vegas – arguably the biggest night in the adult industry and one that has the power to transform young porn stars into household names – at least two of its nominees will be noticeably absent: Olivia Nova and August Ames. Nova, a 20-year-old Minnesota native whose friends and family knew her as aspiring singer and model Alexis Forte, was pronounced dead by the Clark County Coroner’s Office at noon on January 7th in a private home in Las Vegas. She’d signed with the talent agency L.A. Direct Models three months prior, and had been working in the industry for less than a year. Her cause of death has not yet been determined.

Death of a Porn Star

When August Ames killed herself following controversy on Twitter, it revealed a schism between the gay and straight communities in the porn industry

The news came roughly a month after Ames, a prominent Canadian-American performer with four years of adult film credits to her name, was found asphyxiated from hanging in a public park near her Camarillo, California home. Ames, identified by the Ventura County Medical Examiner as 23-year-old Mercedes Grabowski, had battled social media accusations of homophobia after tweeting that she’d declined to shoot a scene with a male actor who’d previously shot gay porn. In a letter published to her website last week, her widow, Kevin Moore, attributed her death directly to online bullying and harassment from fellow members of the industry.

“We are in a crisis in the adult industry. It’s almost becoming like an epidemic,” says Amber Lynn, a porn star who has been performing since 1983 – far longer than many of the industry’s young starlets have been alive. “Our [ideological] differences are not as important as our survival and our future.”

Ames’ death was highly publicized in part because of the controversy surrounding it, but it was not an anomaly in the adult industry. Over the last two months, the porn community has mourned the deaths of Ames, Nova, and at least two other female performers: 35-year-old AVN Hall-of-Famer Shyla Stylez, who “died suddenly in her sleep” at her mother’s house, according to the Calgary Herald, and 31-year-old industry veteran Yurizan Beltran, who is suspected to have died of an overdose. 

Olivia Nova died last month. She had only been in the industry for a few months. Twitter

But the rash of sudden, consecutive deaths has prompted some performers to call for change in an industry with a low barrier to entry, minimal oversight and nearly non-existent job security despite extreme working conditions. Unlike pre-Internet porn stars, performers today face the added pressures of social media interactions, increased competition without increased pay and a demand for more physically taxing sex scenes – all of which can exacerbate existing mental health or substance abuse issues. So is the adult industry doing enough to protect its performers?

To Ruby, an AVN Hall of Famer who performs under a single name, the answer is a resounding no. “In my opinion, they really don’t care whether we die or not,” she says of the industry’s producers. “In fact, I’m going to be probably a little crass here, but this is true: They’d prefer we die because they can make money off of us forever.”

That wasn’t always the case. When Ruby began performing in adult films in the early 1990s, she says, women had far more agency and a lot more choice. “You used to be able to pick exactly who you wanted to work with and exactly what you wanted to do,” she says on a phone call from her home in Ohio, where she now works as a cam girl – a job she says is more appealing because it cuts out the middlemen. “They don’t let them choose anymore. They expect extraordinarily rough scenes for most of the work now and that has to take a toll on you mentally. It just has to.”

Jewels Jade, a retired porn star based in San Diego, can attest to that. She recalls getting hired for a so-called “light bondage” scene in which she was restrained in the back of a dump truck with suction cups, clothespins and rope. The experience, she says, made her suicidal. “I just wanted to eat a bullet. On the way home I was just crying my eyes out and calling my husband. Like, I couldn’t even function. And this has happened to a lot of girls,” she says. “They go on set and [directors] want to capture that fear because this is what the fans want, and there are some sick people who want some really bad stuff. They do this to these girls and if you think you’re going to recover from that, I barely recovered from that.”

Jade, who made national news last spring after her Navy SEAL husband was investigated for costarring in videos with her, says the scene went on to become one her most popular. Had she refused to shoot it, she says, it likely would’ve been the end of her career. “Girls, they’re told not to speak, to shut up or you won’t work again,” she says. Like Ruby, Jade believes porn production companies, producers and directors are complicit in the deaths of young women: “They don’t care about the girls. They care about the fans.”

Despite the physical and mental demands of a job with a notoriously high turnover rate, Jade says the reasons women get into porn are obvious: The money is good, the hours are flexible and the attention can be intoxicating. “A lot of girls have low self esteem. All of a sudden they have fans, people who are wooing over them, they’re feeling beautiful and, of course, as you get more and more popular you get recognized,” says Jade, who now owns a rental car business with her husband and says she plans to write a tell-all book about the porn industry. Aside from the awkward encounters she now fields as a parent – smong the fans that have recognized her lately are her 11-year-old son’s friends – fame can be a double-edged sword for any performer: “You can’t get a normal job. The more and more popular you get, no one’s going to hire you. You’re trapped,” she says.

Lynn, who hosts a weekly radio show about the industry, sees things differently. She attributes her atypical longevity as a porn star to her stints working in other fields including real estate, drug addiction recovery and mainstream acting. To her, the onus is on performers to better define their boundaries and learn to step away from the gig – including its social media obligations – if it becomes hazardous, mentally or physically. “A lot of these people get into the business and they don’t think they can be anything else. They don’t think they can survive outside the industry and that’s not true,” she says. “You can get out of the industry tomorrow if it no longer works.”

Having survived her share of tragedy – her brother, the late porn performer Buck Adams, died of heart failure in 2008 and she says she was there when Savannah killed herself a decade prior – Lynn, like many veteran performers, sees it as her responsibility to ensure her younger peers are getting the help they need. She serves as an officer at the Adult Performers’ Actors Guild – a chapter of the International Entertainment Adult Union, which was formed just two years ago and bills itself as the only adult actors’ union recognized by the United States Department of Labor – and says the group is working to strengthen its network of mental health resources for performers. Meanwhile, the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee, a separate, non-union group chaired by porn star Tasha Reign, offers a mentorship program for newer performers and a list of industry-friendly psychologists and therapists, mental health support organizations, and hotlines for suicide, abuse, and addiction. Still, the industry lacks any kind of established support system for mental health.

“We really don’t have anything to help the performers. We just kind of offer outreach to them,” admits APAG board member Kelly Pierce, a performer who now focuses on cam work because of the freedom it offers. “We’re working on getting something together as far as a mental health facility for our performers, which will obviously take time and we’ll have to utilize grants for that, but most of it is outreach.”

In the absence of a comprehensive mental health care network, some performers have taken matters into their own hands. Performer and director Nikki Hearts says she and her wife, porn actor Leigh Raven, have opened up their “really clean, wholesome household” as a safe haven to performers so often that they’ve been nicknamed mom and dad. Part of the problem, Hearts says, is that most performers lack health insurance and many don’t know how where to begin when it comes to finding a therapist; others use drugs to self-medicate. “Female performers are suffering because we’re not being taken care of by the industry that we give everything to,” says Hearts, who is quick to add that she loves her job and the people she works with, many of whom she now thinks of as family. “There’s no person saying, ‘What you’re dealing with is really difficult mentally, it’s taking a toll on you.'”

Hearts dreams of someday helping to establish a health clinic where adult performers can receive therapy and substance abuse treatment that’s tailored to their line of work. She believes mental health care should be just as accessible and routinely offered to performers as STI testing, which is mandated every two weeks by California law. “I’ve gone to therapy almost the entire time I’ve been in porn just to stay grounded. I’m a big advocate for mental health,” she says. “But there’s no one out there in our industry saying, ‘Go to therapy, it’s okay.'”

Hearts, like so many others in the industry, hopes that may soon change. She looks forward to a day when performers can easily access mental health services all in one place, without fearing they’ll be stigmatized by a healthcare provider. Until then, performers are looking to agencies, production companies and labor groups to better advocate for their wellbeing on and off the set. They’re counting on each other to look out for one another’s health and survival, even if that means checking in on social media or offering up a safe, sober place to spend the night. Porn consumers, who dictate the direction of the industry with their clicks and subscriptions, also have a role to play.

Above all, performers say, attitudes about women in porn have to change before the industry can start to evolve. “People have to start caring. The problem is that nobody cares about these girls. They’re dehumanized,” says Jade. “These are girls. They’re humans.” 

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[comic-movieheroesranked]

Cinematic Comic Characters Ranked! (Year 2006) Part Two

Another list makes it’s debut! 2006 six was a slow year for comics with only the debut of V for Vendetta and Superman Returns, as well as the sequel X-Men: The Last Stand. Because of this I decided to add two movies from previous years the slipped passed my radar. From 2003 we had The Hulk and from 2004 we had The Punisher! Lets get our list started with numbers 40 through 21!

*SPOILERS FOR ALL THE MOVIES HIGHLIGHTED ABOVE*

40. John Saint (The Punisher)

"NO!!!"

I doubt that John was ever really a big threat, it was just his father. Frank doesn't even include him in his plot of revenge, he mainly goes after Howard, Quentin, and Livia. John just happened to be around every time shit went down. Still, it was John driving the truck that killed Maria and Will and he also killed Frank's mom so he deserved everything that happened to him. His death proves he was never a threat either; Frank just shows up and hands him an eight-pound bomb that he knows John will drop eventually. He barely even makes it out of the building before John blows up.

39. David Banner (The Hulk)

"We're going to have to watch that temper of yours."

This dude was crazy for no reason. He kinda reminds me of that scientist in Full Metal Alchemist, the one that fuses his daughter together with the pet dog as some sick project. Like who decides to just experiment on a baby and then decide to kill him a couple of years later? You think his experiments would stop after going to jail but no, he makes his son become the Hulk, ends up owning three Hulk-like dogs (hella weird), and even experiments on himself to turn into whatever he touches. The only way to stop him is by getting nuked, which is what happens.

38. Scott Summers/Cyclops (X-Men: The Last Stand)

"Not everybody heals as fast as you, Logan."

Poor Scott. This trilogy just didn't like him. I thought that after losing Jean we'd finally get some character growth and dynamic from the leader of the X-Men, like in the comics, but the director had a better idea. He killed him off. Worse, he was killed offscreen by his WIFE, Jean, though she was technically The Phoenix. Easily the biggest wasted potential of the series, Scott deserved better.

37. Mystique (X-Men: The Last Stand)

"Homo sapien."

While the X-Men lost Scott, the Brotherhood also suffered a heavy loss early on. Taking out Mystique was a game changer because, in my opinion, she had finally risen to match Magneto in terms of dangerous capability. Her powers and her stealth make her the perfect spy and the only one who could take her on in a fight was Wolverine. Her loyalty to Magneto was unwavering, which is why I don't believe she gave up Magneto's secrets on purpose after she turned human. ESPECIALLY once it was revealed that the location she gave was a decoy. She played the enemy until the very end, and now that Magneto's human again they can hopefully resume their amazing friendship.

36. Quentin Glass (The Punisher)

"Your friend is about to have a bad day."

Howard Saint's best friend. Howard Saint's GAY best friend, but this is something everyone but Howard seems to realize. So it's easy for Frank to fake infidelity between him and Livia. When Howard confronts him, Quentin thinks he's being confronted for his attraction to men and doesn't realize Livia was the 'whore' Howard's talking about until Howard's already stabbed him to death.

35. Betty Ross (The Hulk)

"I'm also aware he saved my life."

I did not like Betty. She was just so depressing in the beginning and I couldn't understand why she was being so persistent on Bruce with trying to learn about parents he didn't grow up with! Like girl there are so many people who grow up without parents that just decide it's not worth finding out what happened to them, they don't need it! Anyway she's mostly there to stop her dad from killing Bruce and thinks he's gone after he gets nuked.

34. Marie/Rogue (X-Men: The Last Stand)

"It's what I want."

Do you know how much I was screaming at Rouge through the screen? Basically every time she popped up in a scene. Granted, I get where she's coming from. Her power is definitely one of the hardest to live with but I hate that she actually went through with it and took the cure! And no matter what she says, a huge part of her reasoning was for Bobby, which is just so annoying but whatever, it's her decision.

33. Warren Worthington III/Angel (X-Men: The Last Stand)

"No, dad. It's what you want."

There were so many issues I had with Angel in this film, like how he wasn't the smug rich kid in the comics, but I guess my main one was, what was his point in the film? Besides showing us the reason his father was so hellbent on finding a cure, what else does he bring to the table? All he does is run away from his father and then come back to save him from falling to his death. He didn't even return after rescuing him to help the X-Men fight off the Brotherhood. His wings were cool but he just one of the many mutants in this film that were kind of wasted.

32. Lex Luthor (Superman Returns)

"Once again, the press underestimates me!"

Lex never felt like a dangerous villain to me. From the comics, to Smallville, and now in the film. He can scheme and he has the financial resources to really stir up a shit storm if he wants to but I just never thought that out of all Superman's villains, he'd be the one to take him down. He is only human, after all. So I didn't really take his threats seriously and wasn't surprised when Superman finally shut him down.

31. Delia Surridge (V for Vendetta)

"I'm so sorry."

Another person responsible for V's torture, but the only one who finds remorse for her actions. It's through Delia that we found out what V went through and she accepts her death once V shows up in her room.

30. Livia Saint (The Punisher)

"His family. His whole family."

This woman is pure evil. I get an eye for eye, so if they would've just killed Frank Castle for her son's death I would understand that, but this woman right here wanted much more than that. She was the one who wanted Frank's ENTIRE family to be killed at the reunion so I felt no sympathy when her life fell apart. No one was as confused as her when she died. Quentin, John, and Howard all knew they were played when their fate came but not Livia. She had no idea why Howard was accusing her of cheating with her GAY best friend, why her earrings were in his house, or why she was getting parking tickets for places she had never been to. She was confused and desperate when Howard finally threw her off a bridge and watched as a train ran her over.

29. Cain Marko/Juggernaut (X-Men: The Last Stand)

"I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!"

Even though Magneto loses Mystique, he ends up gaining Juggernaut, this powerful mutant that can toss around Wolverine like a play toy. He's an unstoppable force of power that wears a helmet to protect his 'pretty face.' When no one can stop him physically, Shadowcat has to think outside of the box. With the help of Leech's powers she's able to trick him into knocking himself unconscious. Since he's still in the building when The Phoenix attacks, it's safe to assume he dies when she destroys the building.

28. Creedy (V for Vendetta)

"Why won't you die?"

Creedy and his police force bring police brutality to a whole other level. They basically torture and kill anyone and everyone Sutler decides isn't fit in his new society. This includes Jews, Muslims, LGBT, people of color (as I don't see any of them in this futurist London setting), and anyone who mocks Sutler. Creedy is Sutler's biggest enforcer but even a guard dog will bite the hand that feeds them if the owner of that hand mistreats him. Creedy gets played into taking down his boss before dying himself with V's hands on his throat.

27. Callisto (X-Men: The Last Stand)

"If you're so proud to be a mutant, where's your mark?"

She the leader of her gang of mutants, with the power of super speed and the ability to sense other mutants. Magneto finds her useful quickly and she finds a rival in Storm just as quickly. The two end up engaging in a fight twice, once at Jean's place and the other on Alcatraz Island. Callisto gets the upper hand majority of the fights but all she does is piss Storm off before she's fried to death by her lightning.

26. Jason White (Superman Returns)

"Mommy, are we trespassing?"

Talk about a plot twist! Here we are thinking that during Superman's departure Lois Lane started a new life with Richard and gave birth to a boy with a lot of medical needs the entire movie. I knew he looked older than five years, which was how long Superman was gone, but I just thought production decided to hire an older actor. I should've realized that Jason was obviously Clark's kid but I didn't, at least, until the little boy threw a giant piano at one of Lex's goons. I also loved that look Jason gave Clark when he first saw him using his super powers. He KNEW that man was his father and I'm glad Clark is going to be in his life as he grows up with his inherited Kryptonian powers.

25. Mickey Duka (The Punisher)

"You are not a nice person."

In every crime family, there's a rat. Mainly because when a family gets that much power, they start treating the people working for them like dirt. Mickey was treated the worse because he was there when Bobby died and Frank used that for his advantage. He used Mickey's disdain for the Saint's and eventually the guy ends up helping him take them down one by one.

24. Bruce Banner (The Hulk)

"You're making me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

First, if I haven't made it clear yet, this movie sucked! Bruce is boring as hell as a normal person. For some reason he ends up as a scientist, the exact job of his psycho father and ends up becoming the Hulk when he's angry, thanks to said psycho father. Seriously it's all because of his father that Bruce has to fight off mutated poodles, the military, and ALSO his father, who can turn into a giant whirlpool as well. They both get nuked and Bruce is the lone survivor, even though he lets everyone think he's dead.

23. Spacker Dave and Bumbo (The Punisher)

"Appearances aren't everything."

The new neighbors of Frank Castle, Dave and Bumbo are the sweetest pair in the whole movie. They might not be able to confront people they know can kick their ass, but that doesn't stop them for standing up for Joan and Frank, people they consider family. Dave even gets tortured in front of Bumbo yet they still don't betray Frank, which is probably one of the reasons he leaves them with so much money at the end of the film.

22. John Allerdyce/Pyro (X-Men: The Last Stand)

"Maybe you should go back to school."

With Mystique gone, Pyro becomes Magneto's right hand man. Even though his powers of fire manipulation have grown, his maturity hasn't. He still openly mocks everyone who's ideals aren't his own and is basically just Magneto's lap dog, while Mystique was more of a partner. His tension with Bobby finally comes to a close when the two fight in the final battle. Again, Pyro underestimates his opponent and ends up getting knocked up from Booby with a strong headbutt.

21. Adam Sutler (V for Vendetta)

"I want everyone to remember why they need us!"

This coward reminds me so much of the 45th so much it's terrifying (but not so terrifying when I see his end result). He's a man who got utimate power in government by fueling the citizens with hate and fear and once he got it, he did whatever he pleased. Watching his dictatorship fall was incredible, but not as incredible as watching him plead for his life before getting a bullet to the head.