#adam complained about me not posting my drafts again though so here you go

[jfkisonthemoon]

people will really write yjh as a dom as if hes not a thing made to be used and discarded

[picturejasper20]

I'm going to make a response to a SU video made a few years ago by @robobuddies, who goes by "Red Van Buskirk" the video is called "The Steven universe rant." The video was uploaded in 8 Sep in 2017.

Keep the date in mind because is going to become important later.

I going to refer to Red Van Buskirk as "they/them" since they prefer these pronouns and "Red Van" for short.

And don't harass this person in social media! This is supossed to be a response. Nothing else. I'm saying this because i know how things work. So, don't bully them. OK?

I'm not going to make a rebuttal of every single tiny detail because the video is 40 minutes long and the creator of the video sometimes jumps from one point to another and loses focus on what they are talking about:

First they start the video with a Disclaimer: "I'm going to be harsh and hyperbolic for the sake of entertainment".

Now here's my problem: i get sometimes youtube critics want to play a "persona" but sometimes comes off more as an lazy excuse to avoid criticism. This has happened before with Cinema Sins many times. It's not exactly a very good way of starting your video, specially if you want to be considered a profesional or be taken seriously.

Like if i'm going to give my opinion about something, i do it, i don't say "It's just my persona", i want to honest with my mutuals and people who like my content.

They also mention how the SU fandom can't take criticism and sometimes consider everything a personal attack. While i agree this fandom can be a living nightmare, the reason of why we sometimes get so mad is because people who sometimes do these types of rants don't do their research about the show, the video gets millions of views and well..

Which goes to my next point:

-Red Van, you need to do your research.

A huge part of the video they talk about the animation behind the show and mention "Motorcity" as a good example of composition.

Here's the thing: They barely mention which programs the creators use to create these shows or the animation studios which is quite a problem if you are going to talk about animation for half of your video.

"Motorcity is animated with a combination of Flash, Maya and After Effects – with backgrounds and other elements created in Photoshop."

"Created by Chris Prynoski, Motorcity is produced by Robin Red Breast, Inc. (a subsidiary of Titmouse, Inc.) and Disney Television Animation."

Link (X)

Steven universe was animated by two korean studios: Summin and Rough Draft

Link (X)

The programs the crewniverse used to animate Steven universe Link: (X)

They mention how the animators of Steven universe were "lazy" for not making the scene of "Mr.Greg"- Is over, isn't it? More interesting..

Here's the thing.. they wanted to:

This was the original concept but they didn't have time to animate it into the show. They were time restraints to animate it.

Link that talks about the episode Mr.Greg and the animatic: (X)

Now this episode "Mr.Greg" came out in 2016, and Red Van's SU video rant was uploaded in September 2017. That's like an year to find that post.. so why didn't they search for it?

They complain about the writers forgeting about the powers of the characters.. So, i'm just going to leave this right here from a SU reddit AMA:

The writers kinda came up with some powers but they also had a list of what powers they could do.

Now to be fair to Red Van, this AMA was made in way after their video, so i can't blame them for not knowing this detail.

They also mention how the gems don't use their powers to catch Peridot: The issue with this argument is that the gems had no idea how Gem Homeworld technology had changed and Peridot had tons of tricks to get the upper hand. And the gems only fight Peridot two times in season 2 before they catch her in "Catch and Release". That's why they catch her quickly in "Catch and Release" they already know her tricks and catch her by surprise.

"Peridot is coming.And we don't know who or what she'll be coming with. She's a modern gem with modern gem technology that's bound to overpower us." -Garnet Political Power

They also complain about Amethyst not using her shapeshifting powers to catch Peridot.. but later in "Message received" Amethyst shapeshifts into a helicopter to stop Peridot and her robot.. why they don't mention this?

Amethyst also used her shapeshifting powers in other battles (Ocean gem, Steven vs Amethyst).. they brieftly mention this for a second but don't go into much detail in their video.

In one part of their video they talk about the writing..they fail to mention how the process works.

Here's is how it works:

"As some of you know, Steven Universe is a storyboard driven show, meaning a team of storyboard artists are given an outline off of which they write all of the dialogue and storyboard the episode.  The job of the outline, and my job, is to give them the basic framework for the episode - the story."

Link to Ben Levin post (X).

Here's is another one about Ian talking about the writing process: (X)

Now the Ben Levin post about writing is from 11 sep 2015. I think with 10-15 minutes you can find the post. And if i remember correctly it was even in the SU subreddit. And is from the episode "Lion 3"

They also mention Adventure time several times in their rant to compare it to Steven universe.

Now wasn't Adventure Time a storyboard driven show like Steven universe?

Well, yes.

"Each episode of Adventure Time takes about nine months to produce and begins in a writer’s room with series creator Ward, producers Adam Muto and Kent Osborne, and staff writer Jack Pendarvis. From that meeting, they generate a barebones, two-page outline. Those outlines are handed over to one of four storyboard teams who have two weeks to visually outline the episode. “They’re basically directing,” says Osborne. “They’re writing all the jokes, editing the outline, picking all the camera shots… what the episode is going to look like.”

Link

https://www.thedailybeast.com/this-is-how-an-episode-of-cartoon-networks-adventure-time-is-made#:~:text=Each%20episode%20of%20Adventure%20Time,barebones%2C%20two-page%20outline.&text=“They're%20basically%20directing%2C”%20says%20Osborne.

It's also worth of mentioning that Rebecca Sugar worked previously on Adventure time.. i think Red Van doesn't mention this detail in their video.

Rebecca Sugar was nominated for the episodes : "It Came from the Nightosphere" and "Simon and Marcy". She storyboarded " I Remember you" which has one of the most iconic moments in modern western animation. ( People who complain about Steven universe but like Adventure time rarely seem to mention this detail).

Link (X) (Episodes she storyboarded in Adventure time)

There is also one point they just start nitpicking and tearing down the show, which reminds me of Cinema sins, except is not as funny.

Red Van, what you are doing here in this part can be done with any other show and is a very easy thing to do. I could also make a 30 minute rant of MotorCity or tmnt 2012 nitpicking every tiny detail but it's not exactly good criticism.

They later complain about the Steven universe perspective..

I leave this here,is from that same SU AMA reddit i mentioned earlier in the post which explains the Steven's perspective.

Now, i didn't have a problem with the Steven only perspective. In many ways its what makes the story of SU work. We learn about the world as Steven learns. The more Steven grows, the more we learn things aren't as simple as they seemed to be.

Characters sometimes will hold information about X person from Steven, so he's forced to ask other characters about it.

It seems to be suggestive since i only actually started paying attention to it when people brought it up. Like, it wasn't such a big deal for me.

Now i could go on and on with this response but i would like to leave it here.

What do i think of this video? If i was a teacher and a student tried to show me a video like this for my class, i would probably ask the student to make it again. Not because it complains about Steven universe, is just is poorly organized in some parts and lacks proper research.

As someone who likes analyzing media is quite difficult for me to take this rant seriously. It has issues and is like those Cinema sins videos but isn't that funny.

And there's one more thing:

I found this youtube comment in which Red Van admitted that they should have done more research into the show production and animation. At least is good to know they are honest and say they made some mistakes in their video.

The problem is that.. well.. since their Steven universe rant many others have cited their work and their video has 1 million of views... even though it contain a few errors that the creator admitted.

I wouldn't call Red Van a bad person, they actually are nice. However.. Their SU video is a bit misguided and somewhat problematic. But is not the worst thing ever.

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Tesserae

For an older prompt:  (I've waited two months for this I'm so excited) Post CW—Imagine a pining Bucky picking up on how Tony seems genuinely relaxed and comfortable (dare he say happy?) around Bucky, and being really, really excited about it... then noticing how Tony minutely flinches, shies away from, and is generally afraid of Steve. Which Steve notices of course, and feels terrible about it. Imagine Bucky trying to help fix things between them like they've both helped fix him.

Sometimes when things are broken all you can do is find a new way to be...though that's not necessarily a bad thing. 

AO3

                                                    --------------

If someone had asked Tony when, exactly, the Avengers Project died – which nobody did, but not because they didn’t care, in Tony’s opinion, but because they all thought they knew – he would have said it happened way before that bunker in Siberia. It even happened before the fight at the airport, but it wasn’t when Steve found out that Bucky had killed Tony’s parents and didn’t tell Tony, because he really believed that Steve hadn’t decided not to say anything. Steve had said, “I had been trying to find the right time to tell you,” and Tony truly believed him. After all, how many times had he tried and failed to tell Pepper about the palladium that had been slowly killing him? How long would it have taken him to tell her about the Iron Man project to begin with if she hadn’t walked in on him? No, in Tony’s opinion, the Avengers as an idea died the moment when Steve found out that SHIELD was rotten to the core with Hydra and decided not to come to Tony for help. Because no matter how Tony turned it over in his mind, he couldn’t come up with any explanation other than Steve had thought that there was a chance, no matter how tiny, that Tony was Hydra too.

Tony could see, logically, how a person could be forgiven for suspecting he was part of Hydra– he’d been the first person recruited by SHIELD for the Avengers, he knew Pierce and several Hydra senators on a first name basis, and he’d even been one of the consultants on Project Insight. If it had been anyone else, he would have been the first to say that a bit of caution was warranted. But it wasn’t anyone else, it wasn’t a stranger, it was him. He would have hoped that anyone who knew him would know better. He would have thought Steve, despite their quarrels and differences, would have known better, but apparently not.

So instead of picking up a phone and asking for help, or even giving him a warning of what was coming, Steve let Tony hear about the political and military cataclysm in DC on the news, same as everyone else. And then on top of that had been the Ultron mess –

The drafting pencil in Tony’s hand snapped as he remembered the look on Steve’s face when they’d been talking about arms dealer, the accusation and contempt he’d seen there for a flash of a second. It had been painful enough to the first time around, but when he’d realized that Steve had lost trust in him years before then, the moment had taken on a new significance.

Tossing the broken pencil to the side, Tony sighed with frustration and scrubbed his face with his hands before running them through his hair. “JARVIS, turn the music up,” he said, tired of listening to his own thoughts running in circles. Before Steve and Bucky had shown back up at the tower, looking for help, Tony had more or less managed to set aside the ball of resentment that had taken up residence under his breastbone. But now it was like Steve’s presence in the tower was like the pea under his mattress, bringing up all the old pain and making it fresh again. He knew that people probably thought he’d moved past it because he and Bucky had become…well, he wasn’t sure what they were, exactly, but in any event the truth was that Steve’s presence was rubbing salt in the wound.

Stretching his neck and shoulders, he bent back over the drafting table, trying to focus on the latest redesign for the quinjet. It worked for a while; he managed to lose himself in equations for lift and drag and thrust and torque, occasionally tapping his foot to the music, until out of the corner of his eye he saw the lab door open.

JARVIS automatically lowered the volume as Bucky walked in, but not before Tony saw him wince at the wall of noise. “JARVIS, turn the music off,” Tony said, offering Bucky a sympathetic smile. “Headache?”

“Kind of,” Bucky said, smiling back wanly. “Just a little anxiety, I guess.”

“Ah.” Tony knew how that felt. He tapped his pencil thoughtfully on his drafting table and said, “Would you like me to tell you what I’m working on?”

With a grateful nod, Bucky sat, propping his chin on his metal hand, and listened while Tony’s voice ran over him; he could tell that Tony was pitching his voice low and making an extra effort to modulate his tone so it was a rhythmic patter, and the end result was Tony’s explanation was as soothing as listening to the rain. Bucky could feel his muscles unknotting and the fizzy, aching tension in his head subside as he relaxed under the weight of Tony’s words.

“You should do one of those ASMR recordings,” Bucky said, so drowsy he was barely able to hold his head up. “I could listen to you read a phone book.”

Tony snorted. “Usually people can’t wait for me to shut up,” he said dryly. He reached into his mini-fridge under his desk and pulled out two bottles of water, offering Bucky one as he opened one for himself. “Natasha called me hyperverbal.”

“Really? Not that I’ve noticed,” Bucky said. “You strike me as more quiet and thoughtful than hyperverbal.”

“Yeah,” Tony said, toying with his drafting pencil, “I guess I’ve changed a little, since then.”

                                                  ***

One night, the time of night that could be called either late night or early morning, Bucky shuffled into the shared living room and found Tony curled up on the couch, watching TV. Bucky came around the couch and saw that he was watching Mythbusters. “Mind if I join you?”

“Sure,” Tony said, sitting up a little to make room on the couch. As he sat, neither one of them said the things that had already been said enough: couldn’t sleep? No, me either. Bad dreams? Yeah. Instead they skipped straight to the companionable silence. After a few minutes, Tony handed a half-empty bowl of slightly stale cheesy popcorn over, and Bucky polished off the bowl while Jamie and Adam tested whether or not someone would be thrown backwards when shot by a bullet or if a car would explode if you shot the gas tank. Bucky took issue with the episode that tested whether a car would flip over if hit with an RPG, which led to Tony telling him about the time he took down a helicopter with a piano, and then suddenly the sun was coming up, rosy fingers of light drawing lines on the ceiling. Tony and Bucky were sharing a blanket, their feet tangled together in the middle of the couch, when Steve came through on his way to the kitchen.

“Morning, Buck. Morning, Tony,” he said cheerfully, barely slowing as he walked by, but it was enough. Tony sat up, and even though he piled the extra blanket on Bucky as he stood, Bucky felt the chill of his withdrawal.

“I didn’t realize how late it was,” he said lightly. “I’ve got to get to work.”

Bucky tilted his head thoughtfully as he watched Tony leave, staring at the doorway with a frown even after Tony was gone.

After that, it took a few days to get Tony alone, but eventually Bucky tracked him to the kitchen, finding him making coffee and slicing oranges for breakfast. “Good morning,” Tony greeted cheerfully, and used his knife to push a few orange slices towards Bucky as he grabbed another from the basket on the counter. “How are you doing?”

“Pretty well,” Bucky said, eating one mostly so he would have something to do with his hands. “You?"

"Can't complain," Tony said cheerfully as he sliced. "Slept well and there aren't any fires to put out, so I can actually take my time with breakfast." He gestured with the knife at where Bucky was fiddling with the orange peels. "You seem like you have something on your mind though."

"I just had a question for you.”

"Go for it."

“Is…um, is everything okay, between you and Steve?” It had taken Bucky a while to realize that Tony was systematically avoiding Steve. After all, they are all busy people, and Tony’s schedule was probably the craziest out of everybody’s. So it wasn’t until Bucky started making an effort to spend more time with Tony that he realized that the only thing that was consistent about Tony’s schedule was that he wasn’t anywhere that Steve was. Steve liked to work out early in the morning, but Tony hit the gym in early evening. Tony would eat in the common area, but never when Steve was there. If they were ever in the room at the same time, Tony would leave, sometimes so quietly that Bucky would look over in the middle of a conversation and find that Tony was gone.

Tony’s movements slowed. “Sure,” Tony said neutrally. He rinsed off the knife and set it next to the sink then poured himself some coffee. “He’s here, isn’t he?”

Bucky squinted at him, wondering if he meant here as in the Tower or here as in alive, and decided it was probably the former. “So you accepted his apology? For, you know…” He gestured vaguely.

Tony barked out a laugh at that, sharp and bitter. “What apology? His bullshit letter, or the hangdog one he gave me when he was forced to come back and ask for help?”

Bucky blinked, startled by sudden vitriol. “I don’t know,” he said, shrugging helplessly. “I just noticed that you don’t really ever seem to be around Steve, and I was wondering if it was on purpose.”

“Yeah, it’s on purpose.”

Bucky hadn’t really thought through this conversation; he especially hadn’t anticipated that Tony would just come right out and say it, so he was caught a little flat-footed. “Why?”

Tony’s mouth twisted. “Do you really need to ask?”

“Well, I mean I know…” Bucky exhaled. He looked down at his hands, flattened them out on the granite countertop next to the orange slices and cutting board. “Do you think you’ll ever forgive him?”

“I don’t know.”

“You forgave me.”

“You’re different.”

“Yeah.” Bucky swallowed thickly. “I’m worse.”

“No,” Tony said immediately. He put one hand over Bucky’s and squeezed it, meeting his eyes so Bucky could see that he meant it. “The difference is you didn’t decide to hurt me. Steve did.”

“But he said he was sorry, and he’s trying-“

“Did he say he was sorry? And even if he did, what good, exactly, is an apology?” Tony stared Bucky in the eyes and dropped the coffee mug on the floor, not even flinching when it shattered and coffee went everywhere. “Is an apology going to clean up this mess?”

The look in Tony’s eyes made Bucky’s stomach turn. “No.”

“Will it fix the mug?”

“No.”

“So what do you think Steve can do with his apologies?”

Bucky stared at the shattered mug. “Is there anything that…I don’t know, could help? Could fix it?”

Tony exhaled. “I don’t know, Bucky. Some things just can be fixed.” He waited for a long moment but Bucky didn’t know what to say, so eventually he turned away to get a broom.

                                              ***

“Did you know?”

Steve sighed, resting his head in his hands. “I suspected. So I made sure to give him his space. I figured that’s what he needed.”

“Well, what are we going to do?”

“We?” Steve lifted his head and sat back against the couch. “It’s not your problem, Bucky. I’m glad that you two have grown close, but I don’t think Tony and I will ever get there. Too much bad blood.”

“But it’s bothering you,” Bucky said. “And it obviously bothers him. Nothing’s going to get better unless you try.”

“What can I do? Apologize again? You told me what Tony thinks of my apologies.”

“Just try talking to him. At the very least you need to clear the air.”

“I don’t know, Buck.” Steve looked down at his hands. “I don’t know that I really have the right to Tony’s forgiveness, after everything.”

“Do you forgive him? For everything in the bunker?”

“Well, yeah,” Steve said, sounding like it was something so obvious he hadn’t really thought it needed saying. “Baron Zemo went through a lot of effort to find a wedge to drive us apart, and Secretary Ross and the Accords was the hammer to the wedge. If I hadn’t kept that secret about his parents, Zemo wouldn’t have had that wedge in the first place. How do I begin to make up for something like that?”

Bucky rubbed his eyes, hearing Tony’s ragged Do you even remember them? echo in his thoughts. “Just try? Please? For me?”

“Why is this important to you?”

“Because…” Bucky took a deep breath. “You and Tony are the most important people in my life and I think that Tony…that Tony could be more. Maybe. But with all of this…”

Steve’s eyes softened. “Oh, Buck. Really? With Tony? That’s great, I’m happy for you.”

“Yeah.” Bucky smiled shyly. “I don’t know if he…you know, because of everything, but we’ll see.” It almost seemed like too much to hope for, that Tony could put their ugly past behind them to make a future. But he didn’t think anything good could happen when there was so much pain and anger festering in Tony’s heart.

“Ok, I’ll do my best,” Steve said. “Hopefully I won’t make it worse.”

“And maybe do it outside so there’s nothing to throw at you.”

[buzzfeedwheeze]

The New Teacher - Shyan fanfic

Ugh

Sorry it took me so long to post the new chapter. I didn't know what to do with the fic (I blame the new Star Wars movie and the WiFi at my beach house), but I think I found my way again!

Hope you enjoy.

You can find it at AO3

Two months passed really fast and Shane got into a new routine. One that he actually enjoyed. Apart from having to give his son up two weeks a month, he was actually quite content. He would wake up earlier than what he used to, just so that he could have breakfast with his kid, generally milk and cereal because it was the fastest option and they were both lazy suckers. Then Shane would drop Andrew at school, go to work, banter with Ryan Bergara on Twitter and sometimes prepare a nice meal for Andrew and his boyfriend Steven. Yeah, somehow the new teacher became a part of his life, whether it was a conscious or unconscious decision of his. Usually at the lunch break he would find himself engaging of multiple discussions with Bergara about aliens, ghosts, movies and one time they even had a passionate debate about popcorn.

After one week of smiling like a teen after he received a new notification of @ryansbergara, he was forced to admit that there was more than simply bantering going on. Their fights didn’t feel real, or maybe they never were. When he took Andrew to school or went to pick him up he would wait to see Bergara arrive and then would tease him on twitter about how he looked ridiculous with his weird love for yellow clothes, especially one vest that he wore a lot. Ryan would always reply with a “stalker :)” and Shane would grin from ear to ear.

Now, he found it kind of hard to look at the man, that being the reason why he adopted the method of avoiding at all costs to get out the car near school grounds. Andrew reacted to this novelty with curiosity at first but now all he did was smirk when he got to the car, always making sure to mention the damn teacher. But although he wanted to avoid Bergara he couldn’t help but show up at the exact time he knew the teacher was about to arrive at school. He didn’t want to confront his feelings, but hey, he could still appreciate a nice body, with a great face, fantastic humor, amazing knowledge, sweet eyes... Ryan Bergara was the closest thing, for Shane, to proof of the existence of supernatural beings. Of course, he had flaws, Shane knew there was no such thing as perfection, but that man was pretty damn close to it.

But today was saturday.

Meaning no Bergara and no need to confront what was going on between them. The only thing planned for the day was a draft of a new cartoon he had to present for his superior on Monday and a dinner at the new restaurant that opened near his apartment. He was going to take Andrew and Steven and they were going to order enough food to make themselves ashamed on the next day.

A great plan. He had a cocky smile in place as he skimmed through the newspaper.

“Why are you smiling like that?” he looked up to find a very sleepy Andrew exiting his room. “It’s kinda creepy since you’re reading the Sports” the boy then rubbed his eyes.

Shane rolled his eyes. “Keep that attitude young boy and you won’t be having any pancakes today”

Andrew frowned. “You wouldn’t dare…” then his dad wiggled one eyebrow. “YOU WOULD! YOU SICK BASTARD!” Such a drama queen… I taught him so well. Shane smiled fondly as his son threw his hands in the air as he grunted on his way to the kitchen.

Shane got up quickly and took over his position on the stove. Andrew had already set up the table and was now resting his face on his hands as he watched his dad. Shane prepared the dough and after a few minutes, full of flips and a lot of cursing, the pancakes were ready.  Before placing them on the table he turned to Andrew.“Want me to cut them on Disney characters shapes?”

“What is the point of eating pancakes if they are not Disney themed pancakes?” he raised an eyebrow.

Shane had to blink a few times because he wasn’t seeing big grown up Andrew, there, right in front of him, was little Andrew with chubby cheeks and small hands. He quickly turned and focused on the task of cutting the pancakes into various shapes to make Andrew’s new favorite character from ‘Disney’. The sound of nervous fingers tapping on a screen and the rhythmically sound of the knife hitting the board helped Shane concentrate and suppress the treacherous tears. It was hard to get around the idea of Andrew no longer being his little boy. I’m becoming one of those dads.

Soon he placed an almost perfect, considering that it was made with pancake, BB-8 right in front of his son. Andrew gasped and stared at the plate he like used to do when he was a kid. “I was going to do a Kylo Ren. But since you are probably going to post it on Instagram, and I know you are not ready to share your obsession with Kylo, I thought it was better to play it safe. A good ol’ bot for ya.”

Andrew reached over the table and hugged his dad. “You are the best”. He snapped a photo and munched on his BB unit quite happily. Shane just ate his regular stacked pancakes but his heart was so warn that he felt like they were made of pure gold.

They ate in silence and after breakfast Andrew washed the dishes and left to meet Steven and head out to Matt’s place. Some other friends were going to be there as well, their friend Adam, Ashley and a girl called Jen. Apparently they were going to have a Harry Potter marathon and survive out of popcorn the whole day. They were living the dream. Shane tried to tag along and Andrew said that even though he was cool there was no chance he was going since he had a project to begin. Boo hoo adult life sucks.

Shane got all his stuff and found a comfortable spot on their dining table. Put on his ‘Thinking Cap ON” playlist and started to take notes of some ideas he had on the past few days. But as he jotted them down he felt like they weren’t exactly very creative or even original. No one would ever bother to invest on a cartoon like that. So he decided to start by designing the main character. It wasn’t how he normally worked but he had a deadline and he needed to present something to his boss. Anything. He opened his memos and found some notes from the briefing he had had last week about the new cartoon. The notes were kind of confusing but at least he managed to get some of the things his boss wanted.

“Supernatural. Two main characters. Diversity. Funny. Not too scary. A bit of sarcasm.” Shane wanted to throw his phone on the street so a car could smash it. “I’m so fucked right now.”

The hours flew by like minutes and he only had the sketches of the main characters done. He opted for two girls. One was blond with a big nose and thick glasses. He decided that she was going to be a bucket full of sarcasm and bad jokes. The other one was smaller, a mix of Asia and Latin America on her features. He didn’t know what to do with her. He stared at the page in front of him and tried to see what was behind those big beady eyes he drew. Maybe she was going to be more like a sidekick, always scared and hiding. Shane was about to to write that, but something stopped him. That wasn’t right. There was more to those characters and without a plot he couldn’t fully comprehend them. Especially the tiny girl. Shane shut the sketch book and decided to prepare his lunch.

After having lunch, Shane did no progress at all. All he had was two sketched and barely filled profile about the characters. He had longed abandoned the notion of having a plot or even having ideas for one. So until Andrew and Steven called for him to go pick them up, all he did was complain, play Disney Crossy Road and watch old episodes of Brooklyn Nine Nine on TV. Their call would be a true blessing. He would finally be free of his responsibility and be able to go out and enjoy his weekend. Or at least his saturday night since he needed the damn project ready.

Then as if by magic his phone screen lit up. Shane turned his attention from the TV to the now vibrating phone. It wasn’t a phone call but a series of text messages from Andrew asking his dad if it was ok to pick them up an hour earlier and that he didn’t want to disturb him now that he was focused on a new project. Shane replied quickly with ‘im already on the car’ and a ‘FREEDOM’ followed by a series of gifs to illustrate his state of mind. He got up, collected the car keys and soon he was driving on his way to Matt’s house.

The traffic wasn’t that bad so he managed to arrive in less than 15 minutes at the fancy neighborhood that Andrew’s friend lived. The house was at the end of Capt. Hugo Vega Street, it was a huge modern mansion that even had some bushes cut in the shape of animals. There was a fucking crab and a flamingo, for fucks sake. Shane pulled over in front of the house and was about to honk when he saw that Andrew was waiting outside. He waved at him and watched as he began to tow Steven by his hand. Andrew sat by his side while Steven took the backseat. Shane watched through the mirror Steven laying down on the seat and chuckled. “So how wa...”

“Dad please drive!” Andrew interrupted him. “If we stay here longer I might have to go inside and kill Matt with my bare hands. Do you want me to go to jail?!” he looked exhausted.

“Let me guess.”

“You wouldn’t be able…”

“Matt’s idea of eating solemnly popcorn was a disaster and you had to deal with a very hungry Steven Lim complaining.” Andrew gasped and stared at him with wide eyes. “I had to travel with you two to a festival when you were little and I know some things don’t change.” with that he drove to the restaurant as fast as he was allowed to.

Steven practically ran inside the place when he smelled the aroma of hot meals being served. They checked their reservation and, thank god, got a great table. Soon a waiter with a fake smile kept on for pure obligation asked for their orders. Eyeing the kids barely keeping it together, staring at the basket of bread as if it was some sort of rare item, Shane picked up the menu and ordered an absurd amount of food. Lots of chicken wings dipped on spicy sauce, french fries with olive oil and herbs, one small pepperoni pizza, medium portion of quesadilla and a basket with a mix of different nacho flavors. It will do. When he finished listing almost all of the items on the menu one very scared, or maybe impressed, waiter left to go deliver his order to the kitchen.

“Food will get here soon, kids, don’t worry.” he looked at them reassuringly.

Steven looked up and his tired expression was replaced by a huge smile, which left Shane feeling pretty smug. He was capable of making those kids feel the joy of life again. Then he noticed Steven poking Andrew on the forehead, which only made the other one glare at him. But it was all he need, pointing at something behind them he whispered something for Andrew. Andrew perked up on his seat and managed a small smile when he saw whatever Steven asked him to look. Shane couldn’t hear what they were saying so he turned to look for whatever got them all so happy. You gotta be fucking kidding me.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me.” Ryan Bergara was there at the hall gesticulating like a maniac while talking with the maître. Shane of course still felt the urge to fight Bergara, but watching the other man arguing with someone, that wasn’t him, made some weird protection instinct kick in. It was almost like it was his duty to protect Ryan Bergara from all evil in the world. I’m so pathetic.

Deciding to ignore the situation was the best option for him, so he turned to look at the boys and noticed that Andrew wasn’t at his place anymore. Steven just shrugged and nodded his head in the direction of the teacher. I raised a snake. Shane thought bitterly as he watched Andrew talking with his teacher at the hall. Bergara was blushing and Andrew looked at him with one of his, perfected through the years, puppy eyes look and Shane rolled his eyes. Surely he was inviting Bergara to sit with them. There was one spare chair and Shane considered throwing it across the room for a second or maybe throwing himself across the room. Lost on his thoughts and still watching the chair squinting his eyes, Shane didn’t notice when Andrew got back to the table with the teacher.

“Hi, Shane… I mean Mr. Madej.” Bergara was blushing and stuttering and all of his previous thoughts of destroying the chair vanished. Boy, he was a handsome man.

“Hi. You can call me Shane Madej.” Stupid mouth. “I mean, Shane. Call me Shane” Shane got up awkwardly, bumping on the table and almost knocking down everything. He shaked Bergara’s extended hand vigorously. Then Shane helped Ryan sit, which obviously made things worse. Internally he was a mess, an eternal replay on his mind of Gordon Ramsay calling him an idiot sandwich.

Steven and Andrew were sat on VIP places to watch the show unroll in front of them. They kept snickering and whispering thing to each other, which left Shane no option but to make small talk with Ryan Fucking Bergara as they waited for the food. When the meal arrived he kicked Andrew on his shins and got the boys to talk with the teacher, who seemed to relax and appreciate better his meal.

After they ordered the dessert and were waiting for it to arrive, Shane noticed Andrew leaning in on Steven’s direction to whisper something then he got up abruptly and announced he was going to the bathroom. But before he left he winked to his dad, and Shane knew this was no teenage hook-up-on-the-bathroom plan. No. It was a masterplan to leave him alone with Begara. And his suspicions were soon confirmed when Steven giving him an apologetic smile left to go to the bathroom too.

When they left Ryan began to laugh which caused Shane to look at him with an arched eyebrow. “What?” he managed between giggles. “It’s just that no matter how many years have passed teenagers will always try the bathroom excuse to go make out.”

“Yeah. The ol’ bathroom excuse to make out” he said through gritted teeth.

“They even try that at school!” Ryan wheezed. “I just look at them with one raised eyebrow and say ‘really? I’ll tell you kid, I invented this excuse. Go back to your work’.”

Shane’s annoyance left just as soon as it arrived. He looked at Ryan with glinting eyes and in a malicious tone asked. “You’re telling me, you skipped class to make out with girls in the bathroom, Bergara? The shame”

Ryan gulped and stared at Shane mortified. And stuttering a bit he managed to spit out the words. “I-I supp-suppose at the time they were girls.” he sipped his cranberry lemonade and eyeing Shane by the corner of his eye said in a much clearer voice. “You can call me Ryan, you know.”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed. It’s rude.” Shane’s heart was beating so fast that he felt like it was going to escape his chest. “Considering that people always assume I’m heterosexual or just deny my bisexuality, I should’ve known better.” he didn’t want to look at the man sat by his side. He knew the look of disgust people generally had on their faces when he admitted his sexuality.

“Bisexual? That’s nice.” Ryan’s voice was so sweet that Shane had to look up. He was looking at him with those gleaming eyes and soft mouth curved into a beautiful smile. Shane smiled back.

“I guess it is.”

Ryan sipped his drink again. Coughed a few times then turned to Shane. “So, Andrew was telling me some other day after class, that you work at Disney?” then after stealing one of his fries added. “Your son really loves you, he’s always talking about you.”

“Yeah, I do. I work at the animations studio.” he was torn between hugging Andrew and cutting his allowance. He’s basically selling me to his teacher as if I’m a cow.

“That’s so cool! I love Disney!” he now was turning his whole body on Shane’s direction. “You see, I have this friend, Helen, and we go every year to Disney together. It was where our friendship sort of began.”

“That’s really sweet. I, too, love Disney. Otherwise I wouldn’t work for them.” he also tuned his body. Their legs were touching.

Ryan looked at their legs, coughed a bit and blushing continued to make small talk. “Yeah, you don’t strike me as the type of man who would work at a place you hated.” his eyes followed Shane’s movements as he sipped on his green tea. Ryan shook his head. “Hmm… Working on any new projects? The new Moana maybe?”

Shane didn’t listen the question since he was too focused on studying those full lips moving. Quickly, he reached for his tea. When he noticed Ryan waiting for something, he apologized and asked him to repeat the question. Questions about his new projects always got him excited. He would feel like a secret agent when he asked for secrecy and judging by Ryan’s expression, he was probably into it. Shane and Ryan leaned on the direction of each other, and Ryan’s legs were now between Shane’s. They were whispering but sometimes, one of them would laugh too loud (Ryan) and other would smile like a stupid RomCom guy (Shane).

The kids got back to the table at some point, but the two of them barely acknowledged them. Their desserts were left untouched in front of their places. Shane had to admit that maybe Ryan had some great ideas. Well, and some not so great. “What if they are like the ghostbusters?! But they hunt sea creatures instead of ghosts.”

“Are you insane?” The boys would chuckle and Shane would just keep shooting questions at Ryan.

“You said you wanted two girls, right? What about two girls that investigate allegedly haunted locations around the world. The skeptic one could be a ghost that came back to have some fun at the cost of the other girl. Always pulling pranks and ordering other spirits to scare the believer who is obsessed with finding proof of ghosts existence.”

“Ryan Bergara, you are basically telling me to make a genderbent version of yourself.” Shane chuckled.

“Shut up, Shane. There’s more” he rolled his eyes. “The skeptic girl liked to scare the other girl at the beginning. But then they started to go to more dangerous places and she began to protect her and grew fond of the tiny scared, yet brave sometimes, human. I’m not saying there needs to be a romantic relationship, since they are teens, but they can be really good friends.”

“I like this. A lot. Even the romantic part.” then smirking a bit he added. “Now it definitely doesn’t seem like you are trying to be the smaller girl.”

“Well, for me it does sound like genderbent fanfiction of you two” Steven mumbled to Andrew

“What did you say, Steven?” Shane nervously asked as he eyed Ryan. I guess he didn’t hear it. But he’s blushing a bit.

“Nothing.” Andrew replied while glaring daggers at his sleepy boyfriend. “He just ate too much cake.”

“I guess we should be going.” Shane said as he started to look for the waiter to ask for their check.

“Yeah, it’s probably better. I need to take the bus home. We need to see how much I…” Ryan began but was cut off by Shane.

“No need. This dinner is on me. Would like a ride home?” Bergara shook his head. “Then I guess you should be going.” Shane added a bit off.

Ryan got up and said his goodbyes. Shane watched him walking out of the restaurant and something ached on his chest. He left his credit card for Andrew. “Meet me outside kiddo”. Just after he got out of the restaurant there was no sign of the man nearby, then Shane saw a small bus stop in the distance and a small figure walking in the direction of it. Shane ran.

The bus stop was close when he felt a hand touching his shoulder which startled him “Fuck, sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” a familiar voice made him relax and Ryan turned to stare at its owner.

“Hi. Again.”

“Yeah, I could’ve asked you on twitter, but I guess my brain thought it was a better idea to ran after you in the dark.” Shane was rambling. “And you have no clue of what I’m talking about and…” a small hand slapped his arm and Shane looked at Ryan half surprised and half in pain. “What…”

“Just spit it out, Shane”

He looked at Ryan and gaining back his non-justified confidence ‘spat it out’. “I was wondering if you you would like to meet me tomorrow at a coffee shop. It’s a small place, very intimate. We talk about my new cartoon and maybe other stuff.” I can’t believe I’m asking my son’s teacher on a date.

“Like a date?” Ryan’s voice was hopeful.

“No” Yes. “I mean, maybe.”

Ryan smirked and added before making a signal for the bus approaching the stop. “Then DM me the details for our date of Schrodinger, Madej”

[brisbanecollection-blog]

Why are there peacocks roaming the streets of Canberra?

Normal text sizeLarger text sizeVery large text size The first time it happened, I assumed I was hallucinating. We were 38 degrees and five hours into the move to our new apartment in Canberra, and the day was already running at the corners. But the second time, I pulled over the car. The peacock who had caught my attention watched me suspiciously from the footpath as I dialled the RSPCA. That's when a man stuck his head over a nearby fence. "Don't worry, darling," he laughed. "They're locals." It's the mystery that's long prowled the streets of Canberra's south - just where did the rogue peacock pride of Red Hill and Narrabundah come from? In the decades the birds have roamed wild, attracting admirers and vexing rangers, theories about their origins have come thick and fast: The peafowl were released when an old zoo closed down on Mugga Lane.They escaped from an embassy after an unknown diplomatic incident.They were the star acts of a travelling circus that came to town.They're the only surviving offspring of a crack team of tactical peacocks that defected from Russia during the height of the Cold War.* According to the Canberra Ornithologists Group, Indian peafowl are an introduced "escapee" rarely sighted in the ACT, yet reported as far afield as Pialligo and the National Library in Parkes. This year, the birds drew international attention after the ACT government proposed (and then quickly dumped) a management plan designed to get rid of them. And I decided it was time to get to know my neighbours a little better. Andrew, Second of his Name Susannah still cries when she talks about the first peacock. He was known as Andrew (after the politician) and Henry up on Brockman Street but to Susannah, a long-time Narrabundah local, he was Harry.

Harry was well-known in Narrabundah for many years before he was killed in a hit-and-run. Photo: Supplied. Her son Rowan found him on their doorstep one afternoon in 1992 after school. The family rang the ACT government, the RSPCA, even the embassies down the road. No one knew where he had come from. So they took him in. "He lived in our backyard for years until we got a dog, then he moved into the front yard and from there he sort of became the whole street's," Susannah says. After the 2003 Canberra bushfires, a juvenile male and two females moved into the area. There were rumours that a little clutch of peafowl was also frequenting a nursery in Pialligo. "Then it happened; not long after the other birds came" Susannah says. "A carload of youths came tearing down the road one day, they lined Harry up in their sights, mounted the curb and they killed him." A neighbour who witnessed it all buried the bird, still with his full train of feathers, in his backyard and thestreet held a wake in Harry's honour. Loading "We wore peacock colours," Susannah remembers. "A local artist had taken a video of Harry mating with a female that same morning he was killed. He waited all that time to mate, he was always calling, honking, for a partner." That Christmas, when a little brood of chicks appeared on the street for the first time, Susannah knew Harry's line of Narrabundah peafowl had begun. Fowl play So where did Harry come from? And was he really the first peacock? Local birdwatcher Geoffrey Dabb thinks not. A few months before Harry appeared, he'd spotted another peacock on Green Street and tracked the bird back to Marymead's children's centre, which kept animals at the time. Though the charity says peafowl haven't been seen at its Narrabundah site for many years now, Geoffrey says in the '90s the bird would often abscond from the centre in search of food from generous locals. "It would return to Marymead but it always escaped again," he says.

Some locals complain about the Narrabundah peafowl's noisy breeding season. This image will appear in Canberra artist Mick Ashley's 2019 calendar. Photo: Supplied Locals recall how Harry, who was not believed to have come from Marymead, and the Green Street bird would honk at each other, sometimes streets apart, as they made house calls in the neighbourhood. It was also around that time that Geoffrey spied more birds in the gardens of a caravan park on Narrabundah Lane, before dogs chased them deeper into the suburb. The zoo theory But the most common theory about the peafowl, told by locals, the RSPCA and even the ACT government, places them in town and at large even earlier still. Transport Canberra and City Services said it was most likely the birds escaped (or were set free) when the old Mugga Lane Zoo closed in Symonston in the late '80s, though a spokeswoman admitted the evidence was anecdotal.

There have been several attempts to get rid of the peacocks. Photo: Melissa Adams I tracked down the former owner of the Mugga Lane Zoo, Terry Thomas, who tells a different story. While he confirmed he kept peafowl at the zoo, he said the birds were already loose in Narrabundah by the time the zoo eventually closed (under different management). "I was asked to see if I could catch a couple of them, in about 1982," he said. He didn't have any luck but admits he's always wondered what happened to the animals at the park, which he sold in 1989. A diplomatic incident? Back in Narrabundah, sunset is now "peacock hour" for Lyn Smith, who has lived in the suburb for almost 50 years. Each evening, when the light sinks down behind the hills, the birds will appear suddenly on footpaths and in gardens. "They definitely didn't come from the Mugga Lane zoo, they were around from the late '70s," Lyn says. "And it wasn't a circus either, the ones that came to town back then never had peacocks."

Geoffrey Dab tells the story of a rare white peahen (pictured) known as "White-ney Houston" who became something of a local celebrity before being killed by a fox. Photo: Geoffrey Dabb Other long-time locals who spoke to The Canberra Times agreed. If there was once,on an otherwise quiet Canberra afternoon, a daring peafowl break-out from the daily grind of circus performing, I havent found a record of it so far. But Lyn has her own story to tell me. Back when she was in her first decade of life in Narrabundah, there was a rumour about one of her neighbours. He was a diplomat on a posting from a country Lyn can't remember now, and he was known to own a brood of peacocks. When he left, the local legend goes, he released the birds into the neighbourhood. I call embassies in the area. Many have since moved but no one remembers keeping peafowl. Associate Professor Phillip Cassey at the University of Adelaide, who has researched feral peafowl populations on Kangaroo Island, says he wouldn't be surprised if the diplomat story was true.

A peacock grazes on the lawns of St Aidan's Court. Photo: Melissa Adams "These are very charismatic birds, associated with elegance, they're almost a curiosity," he says. "We often see them, perhaps more as backyard animals than pets, but that's where they come from, or zoological gardens and rural properties." These are very charismatic birds, associated with elegance, they're almost a curiosity. Associate Professor Phillip Cassey The trail starts to go cold. I call Tim DeWan, a long-time Narrabundah local and the architect of the social media campaign to stop a peafowl cull. "It's just so Canberra, isn't it?" He laughs. "Peacocks in the suburbs. Maybe we'll never know." 'Majestic disco chickens' While their history remains cloaked in mystery, this year the birds' future looked almost as murky. In April, the ACT governmentput out plans to rehome or euthanise the peafowl colonies, citing concerns they would spread to the nearby Red Hill reserve as well as long-standing complaints about their noise, "temper" and even - ahem - droppings. The draft plan considered everything from shooting the birds to an expensive form of sterilisation, before settling on a catch, rehome or euthanise approach. Two earlier trapping programs in 2013 and then 2015 were largely ruled as failures. In an "overwhelming" response, more than 400 submissions to the plan were lodged with the government. About 233 wanted the birds to stay, while 60 wanted them gone for good. Another 118 didn't pick a clear side, opposed to euthanisingthe birds but many in favour of rehoming. The government has since gone back to the drawing board, in talks with locals about formulating a new monitoring program. Geoffrey and other close observers of the Narrabundah colony report the birds remain small in stature, likely due to inbreeding, and the number of chicks sighted each year is low.

Narrabundah residents Geoffrey Dabb and Gretel Dabb feed the Peacocks in Narrabundah every afternoon. Photo: Melissa Adams Professor Cassey says the risk to the native environment from peafowl is fairly minimal. "They're nowhere near as damaging as other [birds], it's more a nuisance thing ... but we have to be careful that pets don't become pests ... because so often that's how biosecurity threats develop." In the case of the Narrabundah peafowl, which often fall prey to foxes or cars, Professor Cassey says the real surprise was how long such a small population has lasted. "They seem pretty resilient."

A mock-up of signs proposed by the local community to help warn drivers about peafowl pedestrians. Photo: Supplied To Susannah, one of the peafowl's local "guardians", that's no mystery. Every Christmas since the one they lost Harry, she says something wonderful happens on Wylie Street. The peafowl come bearing gifts. They go from door to door, from safe house to safe house, she says, and introduce their new chicks to the locals. "They know which houses are safe, it's amazing. "They're part of our history here and we love them." *I might have started this rumour. Do you know more about the origins of the Canberra peafowl? Get in touch and help us solve the mystery: sherryn.groch@fairfaxmedia.com.au. You can also find me on Facebook and Twitter. https://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/national/act/so-why-are-there-peacocks-roaming-the-streets-of-canberra-20180620-p4zmjz.html?ref=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_source=rss_feed

[hawaiigurlinct]

Per Se: Let the eating indulgence begin

I struck a deal with my mom after deciding that I wanted to go to New York. I would pay for her flight and hotel if she would watch Emma at night so Ryan and I could go to some fancy-smancy restaurants. My mom agreed on one condition, that she could get one night off to experience a fun NYC restaurant. I originally found a restaurant that I thought Emma wouldn’t be too much of a handful at and booked it for the four of us before continuing on to plan every other night out, including our first night in the city. But upon walking Ryan through my eating-extravaganza plans, he was adamant that after taking a red-eye followed by 12-hours in an airport followed by another red-eye, he would prefer to just chill in the hotel room with Emma. He also didn’t want to eat at Per Se, Thomas Keller’s fancy NY restaurant. I was shocked, I mean this was THE Thomas Keller..... as in if we had a boy, Emma’s name would have been Keller instead to honor Ryan’s favorite chef. As in, me getting reservations at Per Se and then taking Ryan there as a Christmas present one year still ranks up there as one of my better presents. But Ryan was appalled by the bad NY Times review and 2-star drop and didn’t want to waste his time going there. He also has turned into such a Hawaii-boy in the two years we’ve been back and didn’t want to put on a suit jacket. I swear it’s like he has become a totally different person. (Kidding... sort of!)

Meanwhile, my mom and I had no qualms about either the lack of sleep or the bad review and were super excited to spend our first night at Per Se.

Ryan was equally excited to hear my opinion of how the restaurant was post-scathing NY Times review. While he is probably the only interested party on here, unfortunately for you all my new goal is to become a Yelp Elite Member (I found a friend to vouch for me, I just have to actually post enough reviews for him to do so) I figured I’d include it on here as well.

Here’s the deal: I was greatly disappointed. I felt it was definitely less impressive than it used to be. To the point that I probably won’t come here again (on my own dime). While I certainly SHOULD curb my expensive eating habits, I don’t. I have never been one to shun away from an expensive meal if I want to experience a restaurant. But after paying that huge bill, it better have been worth it. And so even though I don’t have too much to complain about, Per Se’s price no longer seems worth it to me.

Note: I am going to include what I currently think the rating should be (”now”) as well as what I would have rated it during my first two times there (about a decade ago) (”then”) to explain why Per Se went from being a “must eat at” restaurant to a “not when I’m paying” restaurant and yet still earning 4 stars.

Food: (Now) 2/2 Stars (Then) 4/2 Stars 

No ifs, ands, or butts the food here is really good. It’s just not sooo amazing that I worry I’ll never get to eat such an amazing meal again (hence the 4 out of 2 stars).

There was the always-on-the-menu or pre-menu as an amuse bouche (thank goodness as it’s on my “Last Meal” plan): salmon cornets. I liked this so much I tried to make it at home as the recipe is included in the French Laundry cookbook. No wonder Keller doesn’t mind giving away his secrets. If you are able to actually replicate this dish, you are probably good enough to work at French Laundry.

Oyster and Pearls: “Sabayon” of Pearl Tapioca with Island Creek oysters and Sterling White Sturgeon Caviar. The second dish on my “Last Meal” plan.

Hudson Valley Moulard Duck Foie Gras: “Assaisonne au Confit de Canard,” Pickled Green Strawberries, Hakurei Turnips, Hazelnut “Streusel,” and Ruby Beet Puree. I had four different versions of a foie gras torchon in a one-week period and this was by far the best of the four.

Confit Fillet of Florida Snapper: Parsley “Panade,” Green Garlic, Gem Lettuce, and Extra Virgin Olive Oil Emulsion.

Butter-Poached Nova Scotia Lobster: Toasted Ditalini, “Gremolata,” Wilted Ramps, and “Sauce Perigourdine”

Butter-Poached Nova Scotia Lobster: Toasted Ditalini, “Gremolata,” Wilted Ramps, and “Sauce Perigourdine”. I did find it funny that they had a bread “course” but then again, in past visits I got overly stuffed gorging myself on the bread they walked around serving, so this may be the better way to go.

“Ris De Veau”: Creamy Polenta, Cipollini Onion Rings, and “Sauce Vin Jaune”

Snake River Farms 100 Day Dry-Aged Beef: “Pommes Duchesse,” Bluefoot Mushrooms, Broccolini Florettes, and “Bordelaise”. I’ll admit by this point in the meal I was getting worried about how much more food my stomach could take, however, this was my most disappointing dish. There was a choice between a lamb dish (which was part of the tasting menu) or this dish at a $100 supplement. And I wasn’t wowed. It was one of my least favorite dishes and cost the most.

“Gougere”: Jean Perrin’s Raclette de Scey”.

“Assortment of Desserts”: Fruit, Ice Cream, Chocolate and “Candies”. I do like that they just put a bunch of little dessert plates on the table. I did feel the dessert part of the meal was too much in the past. You’d think you were done and then more would keep on coming. So this was a much better presentation.

Service: (Now) 1/1 Stars (Then) 2/1 Stars

Similar to my comments on the food, I have nothing but great things to say about the service and it definitely deserves a point or yelp star.... it just used to be over-the-top impressive before. Service at Per Se is what I use to hold every other restaurant up to and they would all fall short in comparison. At Per Se of the past, they replaced my toast once simply because I didn’t eat it fast enough and was no longer nice and hot. They also used to have this mastery when it came to serving plates as well. All servers would make eye-contact and then the plates would just magically appear in front of everyone at the table at the exact same time. Unnecessary as I can totally wait 2-seconds for a waiter to place a plate in front of me before moving on to my dinner companion, but still very impressive. Now... it was just any other restaurant with good service... nothing amiss... but not holding up to the service of Per Se of the past.

Ambiance: (Now) 1/1 Stars (Then) 1/1 Stars 

The location is gorgeous and the restaurant is too. One thing I used to like was that they had copies of a draft of their tasting menu of the night out in front of the restaurant for anyone to take. Ryan and I would always sneak a copy when we were at Columbus Circle for whatever reason. But hey, providing the interloping foodies is a needless expense for the restaurant so I can see why they would stop printing copies for passersby.

Price to Portion: (Now) 0/1 Star (Then) 1/1 Star

 As I’m sure is no surprise after my above complaints, this is where they lose a star from me. It’s just a really expensive meal (the most expensive one I had all week, in a week that includes 2 omakases (1 in Hawaii and 1 in New York) and 3 other tasting menus (1 in Hawaii and 2 in New York), and while it was amazing, I would have rather gone back to any of the New York restaurants first (it did beat out the 2 Hawaii restaurants in my mind). Also one last snarky comment. I think I’m a pretty good tipper. I mean, I’m not changing anyone’s lives with what I leave on the table, but I don’t think it’s too shabby either. But I was surprised that they had a place to put additional gratuity considering that gratuity was already included in the price per person (and therefore, how much extra are you supposed to tip). Of the other restaurants I mentioned above, 1 of the omakases and 2 of the other tasting menus had service included with a line that said that since the servers were salaried and service was included in the price, tip was not needed nor accepted. That just seemed a lot classier than what per se did, which, if you are wondering... since we would feel guilty if we left it blank, we did include a nice tip after all.

[yahoo-puck-daddy-blog]

Eulogy: Remembering the 2016-17 Edmonton Oilers

  (Ed. Note: As the Stanley Cup Playoffs continue, we’re bound to lose some friends along the journey. We’ve asked for these losers, gone but not forgotten, to be eulogized by the people who knew the teams best: The bloggers and fans who hated them the most. Here is Mork Sphincter of the Edmonton Journal, who in no way is actually Puck Daddy Eulogy All-Star ‘stace_ofbase’ of Battle of California, fondly recalling the 2016-17 Edmonton Oilers.)

(Again, this was not written by us. Also: This is a roast and you will be offended by it, so don’t take it so seriously.)

By Mork Sphincter of the Edmonton Journal

Congratulations, and welcome to the first ever Edmonton Oilers’ Puck Daddy Eulogy!

For everyone outside of Edmonton, thank you for reading and happy Friday. For everyone inside of Edmonton, Happy Canada Day! That dial up internet connection sure is getting faster.

For Edmonton fans, before I begin respectfully taking a crack at your team like it’s your captain’s clavicle, here are some basic guidelines to note about Puck Daddy Eulogies:

1) All eulogies are written by Greg Wyshynski and he…I mean….I….. try to blame them on respectable writers like Mork Sphincter from the Edmonton Journal.

2) This is not a joke post. Know that when I write things like “the trade is one for one: Taylor Hall for Adam Larsson” it is not hyperbole. That seriously happened.

3) If you have trouble stringing together a basic sentence and are typically mad on line, the Yahoo! Comments are just for you. Make yourself at home. If you prefer electronic mail, my contact information will be at the bottom, for your convenience.

To truly encapsulate the Oilers’ 2016-2017 season, one must travel back to the beginning of the season, April 2016.

I know what you’re thinking: “Mork, the hockey season starts in October.” Let me tell you, you don’t cover the Edmonton Oilers for 25 years on the beat without learning a thing or two. While 16 fan bases were finishing up watching their teams battle in the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, Oilers fans spent their playoff ticket money on cover charges at their dark and dank watering holes to eagerly watch the draft lottery.

I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right. It is the saddest thing in the world.

On April 30, 2016, as Edmontonians were putting away sixers and flirting with their cousins, in a devastating turn of events, the Oilers drafted fourth overall. The Oilers lost the draft lottery for only the third time in seven years; this would the first of many failures by the Edmonton Oilers this season. Although the lottery was a wash, Oilers fans kept their spirits high. After all, they did have four first overall picks on the team.

…And then there were three…

For the first time in the history of the National Hockey League, a HFBoards transaction was carried out by a NHL General Manager. Peter Chiarelli traded 2010 first overall pick Taylor Hall for Adam Larsson, who is only known because of his role in the 1995 film Heavyweights.

Fun fact: his character’s name was also Lars!

Now, every Lars needs a Tony Perkis and Chiarelli had a whole bunch of Taylor Hall-free money to spend. Petey thought to himself, “who is inherently evil like Tony Perkis but incredibly out of shape, slow, and could use 42 million dollars?”

Attention rookies the topic for tonight’s discussion is, “Spearing: Option or Obsession.”

As you all know, the Oilers’ roster primarily consists of children, and bringing in Lucic was the much needed leadership to guide them to morphing into little cheap-shot goons. This, combined with Todd McLellan’s thirst for giving minutes to slow and bad players, it was the perfect storm.

You have to give Lucic a lot of credit though, as he had a high production season due to being gifted with a spot on McDavid’s line every once in awhile. Oilers fans will tell you that Lucic will revived his career and that him scoring was no consequence, but any sensible person knows that he got a case of the Cheechoos. I realize that this is an offensive comparison, because Cheechoo, had about three times more goals. I wouldn’t put that blame on Lucic though — Connor McDavid just isn’t a gifted passer like Joe Thornton.

The Oilers have done a lot of growing in their 10 year long rebuild, for example, in Year 9 they realized they needed goaltending and defense. Prior to this season, the Oilers snagged Andrej Sekera from free agency after the LA Kings hilariously traded a first-round pick for 16 games of Sekera. This was a big upgrade for the Oilers as Sekera replaced former defenseman File Notfound.

Although the Oilers acquired Sekera and Larsson, who at best, are second and third pair defenseman, the Oilers felt that they needed more third pair defensemen. Thanks to my mainstream media colleagues in Southern Alberta, the Edmonton Oilers set their sights on Kris Russell as his tires were pumped more than a fucking bounce house. His calves are covered in welts from all of his blocked shots and his heart is covered in gold. Although he had a piss- performance for the Dallas Stars in the months prior, his Good-In-The-Room/60 was off the charts. The Oilers have had enough of their youngsters who didn’t know how to solely speak in cliches in the locker room. These problem children must be traded.

…And then there were two…

To be fair, acquiring Yak didn’t really pan out, but in Yak’s defense, he was on the Oilers. He was traded to the St. Louis Blues (that poor bastard) for *squints* …..Zach….Pochiro….?

Chiarelli is essentially the reverse Lyle Lanley of the National Hockey League: buying garbage rather than selling garbage.

Now, after the hilarious offseason that the Oilers had, everyone assumed that good ol’ Edmonton was geared up for a 26th place finish and to everyone’s surprise, we were horribly wrong.

The biggest giveaway that the Oilers were different this season was the fact that when I checked the standings on November 1, 2016, they were not mathematically eliminated from the playoffs.

Oilers fans already started getting a little bit of a cocky ‘tude after naming their injury prone first overall pick as captain. As they remained in playoff contention as the months passed, this ‘tude only got worse as the hovered in the first, second-place spots in the Pacific. To be fair, the Pacific has morphed into a pile of hot garbage, even though their teams managed to get to the conference final every single season for the past eight years (hi there California).

There was actually a considerable amount of time throughout the season that the Oilers were in first place and their fans were so excited to capture their first Pacific banner since leaving the now defunct Northwest Division. It was truly cheek-pinchingly adorable to watch these toilet water drinkin’ scraps get Oilers Fever during the actual season, rather than 3 days during the offseason and having 6 months of pure apathy.

I must admit that for years, I was duped by Oilers fans. Their apathetic style disguised them as a seemingly chill fan base that I actually enjoyed conversing with. As the 2016-2017 season carried on and the Oilers got closer to clinching their first playoff berth in eleven goddamn years, the more unhinged that their fanbase became. It was horribly annoying to see Edmonton fans happy for the first time in over a decade, which made my thirst for schadenfreude unquenchable.

“When one door closes, another door opens, but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell

Nobody wanted the Oilers to miss the playoffs more than me. I even launched a twitter campaign via hashtag, which was #4in16 (if you search this hashtag, it is likely that I was the only person to use it).

This hashtag suggested that the Oilers were going to get a mere four points in their last 16 games, to miss the playoffs. I had blocked the Todd McLellan years of San Jose from memory when he left, but if I hadn’t, I would have known that OF COURSE THE OILERS WOULD MAKE THE PLAYOFFS. But little did I know, the Oilers making the playoffs would be my own personal draft lottery win.

Hockey fans can be a tad bit dramatic when their team accomplishes anything, even something as silly as clinching a playoff berth in a League where 53% of the teams make the playoffs. Oilers’ fans were convinced that they deserved a Medal of Honor for heroically standing by their team through the past 10 crap years. The fact of the matter is that the most they deserved was to be called idiots. There is nothing heroic about being a sports fan, especially an Edmonton fan.

Wow, you managed to get through a long rebuild without throwing your 200-dollar Ryan Smyth jersey on the ice or sending a tweet to the team account, threatening to abandon the Oilers for good …

The fact of the matter is that, despite a 10-year rebuild, there is absolutely no reason why anyone should ever feel bad for the Edmonton Oilers. There are 12 teams at this time who have never won a Stanley Cup. There are 5 teams who have only won once. The goddamn Edmonton Oilers have won the Stanley Cup five times. FIVE TIMES. The Edmonton Oilers also had the “Great” one (this is in quotations because I could have scored at least 500 goals on 80s/90s era goaltenders). Nobody cares that these championships occurred before you were born. Do you use the Cup argument against sad-ass Canucks fans? Then you cannot complain. [Expletive] you.

The flip side to the Cup argument is that I’ve found a loophole for San Jose Sharks fans. Oilers fans cannot use the Cup argument against us because their Cup drought is one season longer than ours.

Hahah suck it losers!! YA BURNT.

Anyway, it had only took a mere 90 minutes of being in a playoff berth to make Oilers fans completely melt down. Instead of being excited that their team made the playoffs for the first time since George Goddamn W. Bush was in office.

Side note: The Oilers are only contenders when the GOP is in the White House, which is not surprising, as a large amount of Edmonton fans on Twitter are very outspoken Trump supporters.

Makes you think

Who was in office when they won five Stanley Cup championships? Reagan and Ol’ Ass Bush. You’re welcome. The wellbeing of the world is in jeopardy when the Oilers are in playoff contention. This will be taught in Civics/History courses throughout North America one day.

The first round of the playoffs saw a match-up between the Edmonton Oilers and San Jose Sharks. If you recall, earlier I mentioned that spending playoff money on cover charges for draft lottery parties was the most sad waste of money. Little did we know that the Oilers would charge fans 80 dollars to wander aimlessly around the concourse of the Ice District during playoff home games.

What the organization did not consider is that this would make the lines for the bathroom incredibly long. This was not a huge deal for a majority of Oilers fans, who typically wear diapers as they are….piss babies…or to use their proper nomenclature, “Edmonton Soilers.”

Thankfully, my best friend and mentor, David Staples, came up with an idea for those who do not use diapers.

This idea, unfortunately, was not well received on twitter. You’ll get em next time, Davey.

Even the Edmonton Oilers were affected by the bathroom debacle as they found themselves crapping themselves multiple times throughout the playoffs.

The San Jose Sharks were burned by an early playoff exit due to being plagued by injuries and giving up multiple goals to unsung playoff hero, Zach Kassian. Kassian’s playoff heroics were a surprise, as he managed to tie the Chicago Blackhawks in goals for the first round. Truly a Cinderella story.

It was a nice redemption story for Todd McLellan and Drew Remenda, who were dropped faster by the Sharks than Taylor Hall was dropped for Adam Larsson (one for one). With the Oilers’ first-round win, they managed to capture their first series victory in 11 years.

For the second round of the playoffs, the Edmonton Oilers faced off against the Anaheim Ducks. The first two games of the series were in Anaheim and the Oilers managed to get two big wins, while their neighbor of the south, Calgary, has been unable to win a game in Anaheim since…Edmonton’s last playoff run. Full. Circle.

Edmontonians paid homage to their Calgary rivals by chanting “You can’t win here!” after each playoff win. Adorable. Viral on Facebook baby on laughing gas adorable.

The series went back to Edmonton with a 2-0 lead and Oilers fans felt invincible. That feeling went away quickly as Edmonton squandered their 2-0 lead, leaving Edmontonians stunned with their pants soaked with pee. The series returned to Anaheim tied 2-2. The Oilers felt confident that their team could continue winning on the road and boy were they right! For Game 5, Edmonton came out like a bat out of hell and got themselves a huge 3-0 lead at the Ponda Center. The arena emptied out rather quickly, hah just kidding, it was already empty.

With less than four minutes left, Anaheim managed to get on the board, making the score 3-1. There was no way that the Ducks could tie up this game. Only a team run by Todd McLellan could blow a 3-0 leaOH MAN THIS IS AWKWARD. About 35 seconds later, Cam Fowler, who sucks, scored to make the game 3-2.

Is this happening? Could it be true? Is this the schadenfreude I’ve longed for?

With 15 seconds left in regulation, Rocky Rakell scored a questionable goal to tie the game up. 3-3. Holy crap, this is amazing.

The best part about this goal was that Oilers fans seem to be under the impression that goaltender interference should have been called, and that this is another way that the mass conspiracy against the Oilers has manifested itself.

Right. A mass conspiracy. A team who has singlehandedly won four draft lotteries in six years is being conspired against.

Anyway, despite the allegedly conspiracy, Edmonton fans and my mainstream media colleagues kept their composure.

To be fair, most Canadian hockey fans are pretty casual, so I’m not surprised that they would act in such a manner.

To prolong the torture of the Oilers’ blowing a 3-0 lead, the game went into double overtime and to make things worse,  Corey Perry,a dead possum who came to life when coming in contact with radioactive trash, scored the game winning goal, giving the Ducks a 3-2 lead going back to Edmonton.

Now, this is a story we have seen every season for the past five years for the Ducks. Game 6 saw the Oilers completely throttling the Ducks with a 7-1 victory, sending the series back to Anaheim, where the Ducks could potentially lose their 5th game 7 at home in a row.

For those who know me, the Ducks Game 7 debacle has been one of my favorite playoff storylines and I wrote about it extensively for the Ducks’ Eulogy in 2015. But I was torn. I would love for this streak to continue but I would also love for the Oilers to lose. At that moment, I had realized that the ultimate schadenfreude had been achieved: No matter who loses, it would be a complete and devastating failure for the loser, which is heartwarming for any ghoul like me.

Euphoria. Bliss.

In a not-so-shocking turn of events, Todd McLellan, was out-coached by Randy Carlyle once again and the Oilers lost Game 7 in Anaheim 2-1. The Game 7 nightmare for all 43 Ducks fans had finally come to an end.

Collar McBroken kicked off his first ever Game 7 by leader-shipping to the scoresheet with a big fat zero points. Truly a lock for the Conn Smythe.

The future is bright for Edmonton though, mostly because Kris Russell will be filling an Olympic-sized swimming pool with shiny toonies as he is signed to a 5×5 contract in the offseason. It’s highly likely that Ryan Nugget Hopkins has played his last game as an Oiler, as he will be shipped off to the Columbus Blue Jackets for Boone Jenner. Jordan Eberle will be bought out to help fund Kris Russell’s contract. Ryan Smyth will likely cry at some point. The Oilers will acquire a couple more rejects from California to fill their squad (Micheal Haley, don’t read this…..Pete Chiarelli, hello)

Despite these offseason efforts, not drafting top 5 this year will significantly hurt the Oilers, and send them spiraling back into another decade-long rebuild, sending Connor McDavid to Los Angeles, where he will do what Wayne Gretzky did in LA — not win a Cup.

It all goes back to that fateful trade that launched this overall disaster of a season.

If you haven’t heard, it was Taylor Hall for Adam Larsson. One for one!

As a 25-year veteran beat writer for the Edmonton Journal, I value feedback from my readers and those who I engage with about sports on line. If you wish, feel free to drop me a line.

If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got deadlines and start times to complain about.

NHL EULOGIES 2017

Boston Bruins

Calgary Flames

Chicago Blackhawks

Columbus Blue Jackets

Minnesota Wild

Montreal Canadiens

San Jose Sharks

St. Louis Blues

Toronto Maple Leafs

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