#adachi would be proud of hearing this

[kurodachiluvr]

motivation is lovingly applying lip gloss on myself on a tired day where i look like shit. I am me; a concept far greater than something deserving of the suppression of the title beautiful. I will put on lip gloss on my crusty breaking-out skin because i like how it makes me feel.

[cubedmango]

hi dont mind me just typing out some more loser kurosawa moments™️ from the radio drama for me to come back and read later (this is definitely not me unsubtly trying to get ppl to listen to it once again haha no way 😳)

from ep 4:

Adachi: I— I was saying, you aren’t getting carsick, are you? I have motion sickness patches.

Kurosawa: Oh, no, I’m not carsick. Though, I remember you get dizzy during long drives, so I brought some snacks. Plums, tangerine candy, mints... Oh, and the mints are lemon-flavored, if that’s what you like. If the patches don’t help, you can have these.

Adachi: ...Thanks.

more from ep 4:

Adachi: It seems like he really doesn’t want to sing...

Adachi: Urabe-senpai, why don’t we wait for Rokkaku? I heard he’s a good singer, so I’m looking forward to it.

Kurosawa: ...Who did you hear that from?

Adachi: Uh, just... Just heard some colleague mention it.

Kurosawa: Do you have a favorite song, Adachi?

Adachi: Me? There’s this not-so-well-known one... It’s called You Kiss Me for The World. Have you heard of it?

Kurosawa: I have! I like it, too! Then, I’ll go sing this.

Adachi: Huh?

and later on:

Adachi: Speaking of which, I didn’t expect you to sing so well.

Kurosawa: Did you like it?

Adachi: ...Well, everyone liked it.

Kurosawa: Then, between me and Rokkaku, who do you think sings better?

Adachi: You and Rokkaku? Of course, it’s— [gets interrupted by group of women and ends up moving elsewhere, leaving Kurosawa extremely pouty about it]

from ep 5:

Kurosawa: What is it now, sis?

Mari: Hehe, I’m gonna be staying over at yours for the night. I’ve got the spare key, but why aren’t you home yet? It’s already late.

Adachi: ...Sister? So, the one with him yesterday wasn’t an ex of his...

Kurosawa: Didn’t you say it would only be for yesterday? How long are you going to stay away from home? Isn’t your lover’s quarrel done yet?

Mari: [humphs] I’m waiting till he apologizes. Wait, where are you? At someone’s house?

Kurosawa: My friend is sick. I’m at his place, taking care of him.

Mari: Huh? You have a friend you care about that much? Ah, I got it! It’s Adachi, isn’t it?

Adachi: Hm?

Kurosawa: ...Yeah.

Mari: Oh, it’s really Adachi! See, Yuichi, your elder sister is miserable and in a horrible mood. I’ve got two friends coming over to talk with me, maybe even for the entire night. It won’t be right for you to come back and sleep in a room full of girls.

Kurosawa: ...That’s my house.

Mari: I’m in control for tonight! You should stay over at Adachi’s and take good care of him! Never do things by halves! Is Adachi next to you? Let me say hi to him!

Kurosawa: No. I’m hanging up. Bye.

Mari: Hey, wait, I said— [video call disconnects]

from ep 6:

Rokkaku: Oh, oh, by the way, didn’t you two come to work together today?

Adachi: You saw that...

Rokkaku: You guys are so close.

Kurosawa: How should I put it? Recently... I’ve actually been staying at Adachi’s house.

Adachi: ...Why do you look so proud about it?

more from ep 6:

Rokkaku: Ah, my takoyaki is ready! I’ll bring it over. I saw a tutorial online, I hope they turned out good.

Kurosawa: Looking forward to it! I've never tried microwave-baked takoyaki before. Adachi, have you?

Kurosawa: Damn it, I’m going to make food in the microwave, too!

Adachi: I haven’t, either.

Adachi: ...That’s really not necessary, Kurosawa.

[artekai]

There's been so much negativity online lately so feel free to use as an excuse to gush about your mutuals and anything they do. Whether it be art, writing, crafts, being a little cutie, making you laugh, making ocs that you love so much you basically adopt them, making a hella good grilled cheese, anything really. I've been sending this to a handful people and it's been so nice reading all the things people have to say. Btw feel free to ignore this if you don't wanna do it but at the same, if you want to you could send this to someone else and spread it more, you could do that too. The possibilities are endless.

As a little starter/something I've wanted to say for quite a while now: I really really love Artekai. He's somehow a sweetheart and a little shit at the same time and I just deeply resonate with this weirdly wholesome yet chaotic energy he gives off. He's incredible. 10/10. Would give a big old hug and smooch on the cheek.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

anon this is SO SO SWEET 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 It's so nice of you to take this initiative!!! I really appreciate it!! :') <3

And that's so??? That's so great to hear??? I'm always SO SO HAPPY to hear when other people enjoy Artekai T-T

"Somehow a sweetheart and a little shit at the same time" is RIGHT!! Kai's very transparent about his emotions, whether positive or negative, and he also does have kind of a big ego, but he's determined to use it for good, so that's certainly one of the combinations of all time, haha! He's one of those OCs that basically develop themselves, and I'm very proud of him :') Kai would definitely appreciate your hug and smooch a lot. Thank you SO so much and I hope you continue to enjoy him! <333

Okay... so it's my turn to gush about my mutuals... I'm just gonna do it on this post bc I'm embarrassed (//ω//) I have definitely said these things before though, so if I'm getting too repetitive, please ignore me, I just can't pass this up :')

@woolmasterleel Hi yes I would like to nominate you for Great Art and Great Writing and Great OCs thank you! You already know how much I love Kisaki but your OCs are all so creative and so interesting and have such cool designs! And you're also such a sweet and encouraging person??? And a chemist??? PLEASE leave some talent for the rest of us ;-; I think we should talk more, if you want? 👉👈

@akeshuharu You are SUCH a sweet and lovely person and have such good takes, not just about P5R but about things in general, I LOVE seeing you on my dash, and your enthusiasm about your interests is so contagious!! I do very much enjoy seeing your cats or your pics or hearing about what you've been up to or about your interests... Thank you for the chance to brainstorm my silly AUs with you 🥺 I really do wanna talk to you more but I'm just bad at initiating conversation ;-;

@aceredshirt13 Hi, I hope you don't mind tagging you here! I really appreciate you and our talks about P4 ^^ You have such good takes about Adachi and about fandom, and talking about headcanons or developing AUs with you (whether serious ones or crack ones lmao) is so much fun! Thank you for your patience <3 Sometimes I think about how this all started just because I reblogged your post about Adachi and ranted in the tags and I think... wow, I'm so lucky, haha.

@nicxan I know I sound like a broken record, but I really DO love your fics! :D You're also a really nice person and the way you see Takuto is just *chef's kiss.* You have such good concepts, I love seeing everything you put him through and how you characterize him, and how he breaks down as a result, hehehe. I wanna talk to you more too, but I'm very awkward and don't know what to talk about :')

@almightyrozenidiot It’s really nice to see you in my notifs, especially your comments on my posts, haha, they’re always fun/sweet! And I’m very curious about your OCs too! I know we don’t talk much, but I do want to get to know you better, if that’s okay with you ^^

Anyways, sorry to everyone for being so sappy all the time, I literally can't help it T-T It's kinda hard to show someone how much you appreciate them over the internet, unless you say it directly ;-;

And of course, thank you for the ask, anon, this is all very very sweet T-T

[achiara]

When Kurosawa trips and finds himself on top of Adachi on the bed, other shows would focus on the tension and Kurosawa would be made to be smug and confident about it. What we actually get? Kurosawa trying so very hard to keep himself up looking for purchase on the wall but he keeps slipping and falling in a perfect, almost cinematic analogy to his crumbling resolve and self-restraint and then we hear him mentally berating himself for getting flustered, he is ashamed and so very far from being proud. The entire episode is a repetition of this cycle leading up to the devastating confession.

[stickers-on-a-laptop]

kiss a boy i don't give no fucks (go crazy)

Kurosawa Yumiko had always known that, all things considered, she had lucked out sibling-wise. Yuichi might complain and groan about letting her stay in his apartment, but he almost always did let her stay in the end. If he didn’t, he would pay for her hotel. (She paid him back in dinners, tickets to events acquired through her connections at work, and by giving him the nudge he clearly needed to go after Adachi Kiyoshi.) He might not use the “proper” Nii-san, but honestly, Yumiko thought it was hysterical that he called her “Aneki.” People were usually at least a little shocked, especially because Yuichi had a reputation of being perfect.

Ha. Perfect. Her little brother was just as imperfect as any human. He had been a sweet little boy (Yumiko still had the “scarf” made from face masks tied together he made her when she was sick. He must have been around seven when he did it, and that story was trotted out every family reunion.), and he was still a perfectly nice dude, but Yumiko was his big sister. She knew his embarrassing stories and wasn’t afraid to weaponize them. Especially to his lovely boyfriend.

“They did what ?” Adachi asked, covering his mouth as he tried not to laugh.

“They tried to steal his shoes while he was in the bounce house of a friend’s birthday party. That’s why he hates squirrels. Because of a bad experience he had in uni when he was studying abroad.”

Adachi looked over his shoulder, so Yumiko followed his gaze. She saw that Yuichi was with Adachi’s little brother, and that the two of them were looking suspicious. It was the four of them, hanging out at a park for a picnic. At the moment, Adachi and Yumiko were sitting on a bench and their brothers had gone to throw away the trash.

“Uh oh, I think we annoyed the little brother’s club,” she stage-whispered.

Adachi snorted. Yuichi came over, grabbing some mochi from a box on the table.

“Here, Aneki, please stop telling my boyfriend embarrassing stories about me.”

“No-augpgh” Yumiko’s mouth was quickly filled with a mochi that Yuichi stuck in there. She glared at him and he just waved as he put his arm around Adachi and gently fed him a mochi, leading him away. Yumiko rolled her eyes at the obvious favoritism and the inherent mushiness. Yuichi had always been honest about his sexuality, and she was proud that he liked who he was, and she was happy that he was with the love of his life, but she still had big sister rights of being annoyed at her little brother.

“What’s with our brothers?” Adachi’s little brother came over.

“They’re in loooooooooooooove, or something like that,” Yumiko said. “But Kiba-kun, did you know that-” she whispered in his ear what the plan was.

Kiba looked over to their brothers and nodded, a grin on his face. “Got it.”

The hangout was winding down when Yuichi came over to his sister.

“Ready, Yuichi?” she asked.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

Yumiko handed him the box he had entrusted with her. She had been surprised that she would be involved in this sort of thing at all, but Yuichi had explained that he really didn’t want to take any chances and have Adachi find it. He took it and Yumiko retreated, calling Kiba to help her pack the car. The two of them quickly packed before heading back, hiding behind some trees as Kurosawa got down on one knee. They were too far away to hear what was being said but could tell it was a “yes” by the way Adachi launched himself onto Kurosawa, causing them to fall onto the ground. Yumiko and Kiba gave them a bit to be lovey-dovey before they revealed themselves, to Adachi’s slight embarrassment.

“So...married...or like more married than you already are,” Kiba said to his brother. “Congratulations, Nii-san!”

“I don’t think they can get more married,” Yumiko agreed. “But yes, congratulations! I will finally get a better brother than Yuichi.”

“Aneki!” Yuichi said.

“So you’re saying all that pining and yearning and complaining to me about how perfect Adachi-kun is was not supposed to make me like him more than you? Make up your mind Yuichi!”

Yuichi rolled his eyes at her before turning to his now-fiance. “You are perfect. But please ignore her.”

Adachi smiled nervously, looking around.

Yumiko grinned. “Don’t worry, Adachi-kun, I won’t bite. We older siblings have to stick together.”

Kiba pretended to be offended. “We see how it is. Us younger ones will stick together as well, then.”

“Actually, Kiba-kun, this makes our brothers the middle children,” Yumiko said thoughtfully.

“Oh my god, we’re engaged! Who cares about sibling dynamics. Last one to the car drives,” Yuichi said, grabbing Adachi’s hand and running towards the car.

“Who cares about sibling dynamics, he says, as he acts like a child,” Yumiko sighed as she started towards the car. Still, she was happy for her brother, who truly deserved to be happy after pining for so long. He had everything he wanted and she hoped that their wedding was everything he wished for.

(Hmmm...what to put in her speech…)

[thelastoftheredhotswamis2]

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works.

I’m just going to pretend @prometheuswelsh tagged me directly instead of leaving it open – they saw basically every single one of these fics before I posted them, and are basically my beta-reader by now! (Yeah yeah, I know, cut down on the run-on sentences with a million commas, I hear ya.) Check out their top 5 most beautiful gifs of 2020 here.

I’m undisciplined and have a top 6, not a top 5. I can be found on AO3 as selkieskin. Because this got long, all except the first one are under a Read More!

 1.       A Life Less Ordinary (Cherry Magic fic, M/M: Kurodachi). I wrote this after episode 6, knowing that episode 7 would probably make it non-canon, but hey – it’s about Kurosawa, and why he reacts the way he does to Adachi, and how his own internalised homophobia manifests. It’s pure quality angst, and I loved rewatching each episode to capture Kurosawa’s reactions to write this – it’s also about not feeling normal and not believing you can be happy, which is a very personal topic for me. This just flowed out of me basically fully-formed, and I think it really shows – there isn’t a thing about it I would change (non-canon-ness aside)…

 2.       The Everthere (OffGun fic, M/M: OffGun). This was a bit of a deep-dive into actual events and the way that Off has changed towards Gun, imagining how being in an ‘imaginary couple’ can change things. I just feel like each part of this flows together so well, with each flashback tied to what’s happening in the present and the ambiguous nature of their relationship building in intensity throughout… I’m so happy with how it turned out!

(Fun fact: regarding these first two, I wrote both the majority of The Everthere and the entirety of A Life Less Ordinary (part 1) in the same 2-day span. I had Chinese language exams to procrastinate on practicing for, so I just felt Inspired™. I literally wrote over 10,000 words in two days – I wish I could manage that all the time! I usually take months to finish stories… part 2 of A Life Less Ordinary is part-written, but it’ll take a while!)

3.       Let Sleeping Cats Lie (NCT fic, Gen / M/M: JohnTen). I felt like I wanted to write a fic that focused on how it is to love a pet cat, and WayV have pets, so this was a no-brainer. Ten gets trapped in bed under a cat (Louis), and the cat demands that he look at only him. Near the end, his boyfriend Johnny drops by and gets into bed too to sleep, and it’s just a lovely cosy fic that I feel turned out really well – I was really proud of being able to capture that gentle, comforting atmosphere in the story.

4.       Lovely (Heart Made Of Glass) (NCT fic, M/M: Yuwin). This one might not be everyone’s cup of tea and I do feel like it’s a bit awkward in parts, but it’s intensely personal for me, so this is #4. Winwin and Ten choreographed their romantic duet dance to Lovely by Billie Eilish, and one day late in the practice rooms, Yuta fills in to help Winwin practice. Yuta is gay, and Winwin is aroace – both get to let out their frustrations and their lack of understanding of the other, before they finally meet in the middle.

5.       ZaintSee On Set series (Why R U RPF fic, M/M: ZaintSee). I didn’t really write smut before 2020, and part 2 of this was the first proper smut that I published! (I’m aroace, so have struggled in the past to get beyond ‘tab A goes into slot B’ style of description.) I loved Why R U, and the way that both main couples just seemed so into each other in an unguarded way was my favourite aspect of the series. In this, I imagined what it would be like for the actors to act this way in front of the cameras. In the first part, Zee asks for a kiss, and in the second part… well, it’s set during the episode 9 bed scene, so you can imagine where it goes. I had a big crisis of confidence when posting part 2 the first time – like I mentioned, I’m new to writing smut, and felt like it was probably ridiculous and overblown, and even deleted it once! I like it now, though.

6.       A Walk By The River (NCT, Gen: Johnny & Mark). This was really interesting to write, because I only had a very vague plan when I started writing it, and wanted it to feel genuinely like one of those late-night conversations, not always linear or well-articulated. So I just wrote, and wrote, and this is long but I think it feels like a journey with a lot of surprises and I was really proud of how I captured their conversational style and how a character who is so uncomfortable about talking seriously about his feelings finally manages to open up to his friend.

Honourable mentions to:

Textbook (My Engineer fic, M/M: MekBoss). My second published smut! Let’s face it, My Engineer was a hot mess and nobody liked the main couple, but the side couples? Hell yeah. And my favourites were MekBoss. This slight AU was really fun to write, with Boss being very chatty in bed in a totally ridiculous way!

Fighting (Haeyadwae) (NCT fic, Gen: Lucas & Jungwoo). I wrote this as kind of a comfort to myself and a friend for those days when everything feels overwhelming and like it’s too much. Jungwoo’s at that stage, and his friend Lucas tells him to just lie on the floor with him and escape from his anxiety for a bit. It’s short, but sweet.

 I know it’s a couple of days after New Year now, but I’d like to tag @stickers-on-a-laptop to do this, if you haven’t already – I already know my own favourite 2020 work of yours (CherrYYY Magic, which is a fantastic crossover and has our aroace queen Fujisaki as the main character!) but I’d like to know what you think!

[jesterofinaba]

T poses

tell me about how adadchi sees himself in naoto 8 )

Adachi projects onto people a lot and talking about it is a fun character development exercise - Still Accepting ig

[Ohhhh i could write a doctoral thesis on this.

Part of why Hierophant!Adachi adopts Naoto in the first place is because she reminds him so much of himself as a young kid. It's definitely why he makes an active effort to help her when they first meet, too.

Whenever Naoto blames herself for something or talks about her life in the orphanage, especially when she's little, Adachi just sees his child self, even if what Naoto went through isn't exactly what he did. Adachi sympathizes with Naoto feeling like a burden, and it tears his heart to pieces every time she mentions it. His parents would passive aggressively mention that they could have had so much more in life had they not had Adachi, or that he would have to make up for using their resources once he finally was grown up and successful - and he never, ever wants to make Naoto, or any other kid, feel that way.

Adachi was also bullied a lot as a kid - for having “weird interests” (cartoons and detectives and magic tricks), and for being quiet and a know it all, and for reading and studying instead of making friends. When Naoto gives Adachi her detective novels before he takes her back to the orphanage when they first meet, she gives them to him because she’s scared the other kids will tear it apart when they bully her. Later, he’s sitting at a bar and he decides to thumb through the books, and he’s so overwhelmingly reminded of himself and how much of an injustice it is that a kid has to sit there and take that kind of hurt after going through so much pain, and with no hope in this shitty society for her to have any advantage despite her intelligence and drive.... that’s what makes him decide to try and adopt her.

A lot of how Adachi parents Naoto is a reaction on how he would have wanted to be treated as a kid, to be honest. He tries so hard to make sure that he treats her fairly and make sure he hears her side in conflicts because he felt like, as a kid, he never had a voice. He pushes for her to make friends despite her wanting to be alone and study because he understands the pain of not having any. I said this to you already, but I think he buys her little presents a lot, and gets her favorite foods when she has a bad day, because when he was a kid he a) never got presents b) got his toys broken when he misbehaved/scored poorly and c) had to make his own meals. He also takes her seriously as a detective and tries to learn a lot about her interests because he wanted that so badly. Goes ham on holidays for gifts because he was so jealous of the other school kids that did. Takes off of work to spend time with her - and makes sure she knows that he loves her and that he will be proud of her no matter what, no matter what her grades are. That she gets to have a normal childhood and get to focus on being a kid, because she didn’t get that - and neither did he.

A lot of how he feels is just wanting to make sure that this poor kid that he eventually views as his daughter gets everything that he didn’t get to have, and have a happy life where she’s able to succeed.

As he and Naoto get older, he learns to parent her more based on what she herself needs instead of basing it off of wanting to be better than his parents/what his child self would have wanted, but he still sees himself in her sometimes.

But goddamnit if he isn’t the proudest goddamn dad in the world.]

[ctl-yuejie]

30歳まで童貞だと魔法使いになれるらしい第11話 liveblog

I just like how this show is so relatable even though the magic part is obviously ridiculous. This feeling of having lost the perfect chance to come clean with someone so the bad feeling just starts to fester even more.

Tsuge and Minato really grew on me. Please give me your fluffy jacket Adachi ;A;

Awwwwwwwww, the cutest of hugs....so soft. I feel bad for their co-workers though ahahahahha imagine coming in to work, waiting in front of the elevator and getting tackled by a couple that couldn’t resist flying hugs

Rokkaku! What a bundle of support

Really like that we get to see how they support each other in a professional capacity. Also: Kurosawa’s eyebrows are out of control 

where is the s/o that will make a bento for me ;A;

it is so wonderful how hard adachi tries to avoid touching people euhehehehehehe

that fucking nori art. of course you would kurosawa. i can imagine him making dad jokes out of nori and put it into the bento and smiling to himself imagining adachi’s reaction. and adachi trying to muffle his laughter and snort laughing when opening his bento while also laughing at the satisfied expression kurosawa must have made when he made it

to sober up: happy they only used the stereotypical “boss is made of steel and hard to please” scene only to further adachi’s dilemma and spiraling thoughts about his self-worth. i was suffering so much for both kurosawa and adachi

OH NO!!! Adachi!!! I know at the moment it seems like the only way out but in a second you will realise that asking this from Kurosawa will only make everyone feel worse 

- intermission -

got too many feelings so i stopped at the dinner scene and do my laundry first 

- intermission end -

okay, I am confused. no japanese guy i’ve ever slept with did something without showering. 

HE DID IT! proud of him euhehehehehehe but the heartbreak

Kurosawa is so great!!! How he slowly looks at Adachi and immediately understands that Adachi is getting into a destructive place and how he is so careful not to touch Adachi’s skin after hearing everything but still holding him to ground him ahhhhhh

Also: Adachi is so hard on himself. Trying not to touch people, blaming himself for accidentally touching people even though none of it is his fault ahhhhhhh he treats this situation like there’s a way he has to behave like

uhhhhh, I understand Kurosawa but this is just so sad

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

@florbexter : may I have my tissue back? 

[lucysuniverse]

Camellia

Isn’t Adachi Yuto just the purest and cutest boy alive? Just like a Camellia. This story was inspired by the song Camellia on Pentagon’s first full album The Black Hall. Since Yuto wrote the lyrics I immediately thought that this is a story which belongs to him. 

Hope you’ll like it :)

Pairing: Yuto x OC/reader

Genre: cute, fluff, romance, angst

Word count: 5,046 _________________________________

‘I noticed that you are always drawing this flower.’

              ‘Huh?’

And he stopped for a second when I said this. Like a child, like he didn’t even know what he was doing until this point, he started to analyze his own drawing like he has never seen something like this before.

              ‘Sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you. Just go on. I’ll be going then.’

And I wanted to leave the class. It was always like this. I wanted to approach him, but he was shy or maybe he didn’t want to talk to me, I don’t know what the reason was, but it never worked out. It was impossible to get close to him. I gave up.

              ‘It’s a camellia. Queen of winter flowers.’

              ‘I see. It’s beautiful.’

And I didn’t want more. I was already satisfied with this short answer. It meant literally everything. Ever since he joined our class I was hoping for a little interaction. I was hoping for a secret glance, for a little sign of interest. Not only towards me. He was always alone, he was always wearing black, he was always listening to music. And he always seemed sad. I just wanted to hug him. To see him smile. Once, only once. That was all I wanted. But now as he was talking about his drawing, for the first time he seemed comfortable and relaxed. He was totally different. I just hoped other people could see this side of him too.

              ‘If you are interested, I can tell you the legend of camellia.’

He was again shy, but he made the first step. And I wanted to get to know this Yuto more than everything.

              ‘I am all ears.’

***

              ‘Class! Can I have your attention please? I would like to introduce you your new classmate, Adachi Yuto. He and his family has just recently moved to Korea, please make sure to help him, and involve him in our everyday life so that he can adapt fast and comfortably to this new situation. Yuto-ya do you want to tell something about yourself? Why don’t you introduce yourself?’

              ‘Hi my name is Yuto. Nice to meet you.’

That was the very first time I heard him talking. He was insecure and quiet, but something about his looks and voice made me go insane. These two short sentences made me so awake like I was never before. Usually I was bored during classes. Either sleeping or talking with others, these were my top activities. Classes were usually boring, or at least I already knew what was about to happen. American Civil War? Boring. Colonization? Been discussed hundred times before. Maths? Will we draw triangles in real life just to prove that Pythagoras was right? Duh, no. BORING.

But he was something else. He was mysterious, and I wanted to know everything about him. Where has he lived in Japan, what are his parents like? Does he have siblings? Are they also gifted by these genes? Suddenly school became the most interesting thing in my life.

In the class I was the tallest girl. I didn’t really hate my height but I was used to sit in the last row, have only shorter friends than me, and of course I was always the one asked to turn on the projector, or lift down the boxes from the shelves. It wasn’t bad but sometimes it gave me hard times. The prom was nearing as we were in our last year of school and there was literally no one who would want to dance with me. And this was only based on height. Most of the boys didn’t like tall girls. If a girl is same height as them then how can they show their manly side? Bullshit.

But for the first time on that lovely October Monday I was proud to be tall. It was good to sit in the last row, and I didn’t mind that I haven’t had a partner for the prom. Once he stepped in our class, everything has changed. He was my hope. He was handsome, tall and seemingly a good person. What gave me this feeling? I can’t really describe I just looked at him and couldn’t imagine him being anything else.

              ‘Are you really two years older than us?’

One of the cool guys asked. There was a complete squad of them. They would bully you for everything possible and I already felt like this question is not leading us in the right way.

              ‘Yes, I was born in the Year of Ox*.’  

              ‘What? Is that 3 years then? HAHA. What a loser. Did you fail 3 times?’

              ‘No it’s just…’

              ‘Why do you think you’ll pass in Korea if you failed already 3 times. Are you looking down on             our country? Just because you are a foreigner it won’t be easier for you.’

*Year of Ox: February 7, 1997 - January 27 (yes Kino too), 1998

              ’Kim Jae Hyun that will be enough. Yuto please sit down, there is an empty place for you in the last row. Huh, okay we are done with the introduction and now let’s move on with our topic…’

And Ms. Choi stopped for a second before she said it out loud.

              ‘Japanese invasion of Korea.’

              ‘Teacher I thought this is history class, why are we talking about our present.’

And they were looking all at Yuto. Challengingly like they have to fight for privileges, like they were afraid the new kid will take their position. How could he? It could be seen that Yuto wasn’t the type of guy who was eager to be the cool guy in class. He would never show off or throw a fit just to be popular. I was getting angry.

              ‘Kim Jae Hyun. Shut your mouth finally, will you?’ I said tempered.

              ‘Oh Lady Protector. Why don’t you mind your own business? Do you have to interfere all the time? Did you fall for Mr. Japan so easily? What a basic-‘

‘ENOUGH. Kim Jae Hyun you go to the director’s office. NOW.’

‘Conversation. Teacher this is what I wanted to say. Basic conversation. Nothing else why should I ?’

              ‘I said NOW. Don’t make me tell you once again.’

And seemingly Ms. Choi hoped that introducing a new classmate won’t be so hard, but her predictions might have fooled her. Now she turned to me.

              ‘You. I’ll let it slip for now. But I don’t want you to raise your voice in my class anymore, understood?’

              ‘Yes, Ms. Choi. I am sorry.’               ‘I’ll go with Jaehyun will be back in 5 mins. I don’t wanna hear any noise.’

Oh, I think I missed out something important. I am the president of class. So most of the times I was in charge of keeping the class organized or even making sure they won’t cause a complete disaster when there is no teacher around.  Anyone can tell my life is full of happiness and unexpected surprises. Thankfully after they’ve left nobody dared to talk. Jaehyun’s bad guy squad was powerless without him. If the leader was not around, they were just shy bunnies.

Yuto’s table was on my right side but I was afraid to look in his direction. What could he feel, what could he think about our class? I was so ashamed. Those stupid idiots ruined everything.

 ***

Thanks to that idiot flower boy Kim Jae Hyun, Yuto became a ghost in our class. He was always present, but always somewhere far away. He always arrived in the last second and left as soon as the classes were over. After that terrible introduction day nobody was nagging him, and even if they tried, he would just ignore them. He was always alone, he had always his headphones on and he seemed lonely.

As we were sitting next to each other I was always cautiously glancing over his table during the classes wondering what he is up to. And most of the times he was drawing. It was always the same. A flower. I was not really familiar with the types, but it was always the same flower. Seemingly it could have a special meaning to him.

After the class ended, he was about to go but I gathered all my courage to ask him about the drawing. Previously I tried to talk to him, but seemingly he wasn’t the type to like small talks. He always replied but would never ask back. He kept it short and simply. I couldn’t build up a conversation. But that afternoon everything has changed.

              ‘I noticed that you are always drawing this flower.’

              ‘Huh?’

              ‘Sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you. Just go on. I’ll be going then.’

But after a little hesitation he continued.

              ‘It’s a camellia. Queen of winter flowers.’

              ‘I see. It’s beautiful.’

              ‘If you are interested, I can tell you the legend of camellia.’

              ‘I am all ears.’

And after 23 days of silence and no contact we were talking like we’ve always known each other. Actually, we were so immersed in our conversation that we even forgot about the drawing. Yuto was actually a cool guy. If you got to know him, he was so much different from the first predictions. He still wasn’t egoistic or rude, but he had great goals and plans in life, he was honest and on top of that talented. When I got to know he raps, sings, and dances I was taken a back.

              ‘Why didn’t you tell anyone in the class? They would love it I am sure.’

              ‘Well, I don’t think it is a good idea.’ He said shyly.

And then I realized. He didn’t want to show his true colors because others would criticize him, they would nag and bully. And what he had was already more than enough.

              ‘Anyways thank you for sharing. Even if the others seem to be distant, they are, I mean most of them, are good people. They just need time to welcome you in the class. But you’ll become               the part of this class. I’ll make sure. Until then you can count on me. The class president is        always here for you. ‘

And I couldn’t believe my eyes, but he was smiling. SMILING. And it was the most beautiful and purest smile I’ve ever seen. I wish I could tell him how beautiful it was, how that smile made my heart skip a beat. How much I needed it in my life. Definitely he should have smiled more.

Starting from that afternoon our relationship was slowly but surely becoming a friendship. We got closer and closer. And I fell in love with him. I always adored his looks but this time it was different. First, he was just a good-looking guy. Objectively looking at him nobody could tell otherwise. He was indeed handsome. But as soon as we started sharing stories, spending more and more time together I saw him more and more beautiful. For others he might not be the most amazing guy, but for me, he was. He is.

Others have also noticed this because my friends started nagging me. ‘When will you finally ask him to dance with you?’ ‘Is he such a coward that he will not ask you out?’ And I was always politely telling everyone that there is no such thing that we are becoming a couple. But inside it did hurt. Because I wanted to be together with him. I wanted it more than anything.

***

As the prom was just around the corner a lot of things happened to our class. We were preparing a lot of things. Decorations, a little campaign, a dance performance even. Yuto tried to hide the fact that he could dance but once he was chosen to be the center he couldn’t run away. Slowly but after passed he got accepted in our class. My friends really loved him (of course they might have seen how I was head over heels for him), other girls had a crush on him, and the guys respected him. Most of them. But not the cool gang. Kim Jae Hyun and his squad has been turned down. They no longer had power. They’ve been dethroned. I was so happy about Yuto finally becoming the part of our class. He fought his war, but he did succeed. And others had to accept it. Seemingly they did. But it was not yet over.

                    The representative election was one of the most important events before the prom. Every class should vote for two class representatives, usually for a boy and a girl. The chosen ones would have the honor to give a speech at the prom and at the graduation ceremony. There was literally no one who wouldn’t want to do it. Not because they were so grateful towards each other. But it looked nice in university applications.

Even though everyone was interested there were requirements which you should meet for the applications. You should have had good marks, a recommendation letter from one of our teachers and of course the votes from the class. And that was the hardest to get.

I knew I had higher chances since I had good grades and I was the class president but still I didn’t want to take it for granted. I wanted to work hard, and honestly wanted to have a fair election. My friends were so cute they kept on telling me that I will be chosen but I ignored all these comments. I didn’t want to have high hopes.

Out of the boys I didn’t know who the candidates could be. Yuto was becoming more and more popular but still he didn’t have these kinds of ambitions. Jae Hyun had these ambitions though, but he was losing his popularity recently. Therefore, on the day when they announced the results, I was extremely nervous. I couldn’t stand the idea of working together with Jae Hyun. And I was already way to excited to give a graduation speech alongside Yuto. But then something unexpected happen like it never did before.

              ‘Congratulations you are the class representative of Year 2019/2020.’

I was so shocked. I mean deep inside I was hoping for this, but I never knew that my whole class would choose me. I had friends and nobody hated me, still it was surprising I was moved by this. But still there was a question without an answer.

              ‘Ohm sorry but, who is the other representative?’ I asked with a slight hesitation.

              ‘This year you are the only one chosen. Congrats you are the classes favorite, still you can choose someone to give the speech with, if you want to.’

Of course, I wanted to. There was no doubt. I thought it is happening finally. Yuto might be shy but maybe I can convince him. It worked out great previously and he became loved and popular in our class. I wanted to help him. The other day when we were talking, he told me why he could not graduate earlier. And once I realized and knew the background, I just wanted to help him more to achieve his dreams.

After the class I wanted to ask him to be the other representative with me but seemingly he had to go. I was running out of the school when I found him standing next to two other guys. Both of them were smaller than him. But they looked around his age. When I saw them, I stopped running; I didn’t want to disturb them. It was so easy to see that they were his teammates.

              ‘Yutoooo.’ The smaller guy said with a childlike excitement. He seemed super hyper. But had such a positive vibe. It seemed he truly liked Yuto. Looking at him once again he might have                been older than Yuto and the third guy.

              ‘How was it?’ The third guy asked. He was such a fashionista. Cool clothes with accessories and even his presence was shouting for attention. But when I looked at his face, I realized how sensitive he could be.

              ‘It was okay. Huh?’ And in that moment, he noticed me. I didn’t want to be uncovered, but it was so satisfying to meet idols I couldn’t help but stay there watching them. I guess I even blushed.

              ‘Oh, hi!’ I said quietly. And even though I was loud person in that situation I felt so small for some reason.

              ‘What are you doing here? Is something wrong?’ Yuto asked worriedly.

              ‘Oh… oh no… nothing specific I just…’ and then I stopped.

I looked at the two other guys and the timing didn’t seem perfect. Should I really ask him in front of his teammates?

              ‘Are you sure you are okay?’ He asked again.

              ‘Oh yeah, uhm there is something I want to ask from you. Can we talk tomorrow afternoon? I’ll be waiting next to the library.’

              ‘Okay. Ohm sorry but we gotta go now.’

              ‘Sure, sure. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

              ‘See ya.’

And I turned around and realized how my pulse was in the heights. I was literally dying. And it was getting worse when I heard them leaving.

              ‘Is she your girlfriend? She is cute.’ The older guy said. And then added with his playful voice a bit like nagging. ‘Yuto has a girlfriend, Yuto has a girlfriend.’ And then returned to his original self. ‘Next time you should introduce us.’

              ‘Okay hyung.’

              ‘Does she know where you are going now?’ The other guy asked now.

              ‘Uhm, yeah I think she does.’

              ‘So, you talked about becoming an idol but you didn’t introduce us?’

              ‘No need for nagging. Yuto had a though day.’ The smallest guy said.

              ‘Thank you hyung.’ Yuto said appreciatively.

But he hasn’t finished.

              ‘But even on though days you should have introduced the leader of your group.’

              ‘What and what about the dancing machine then? Hyung aren’t you a bit too much?’

              ‘Okay, okay. I am just joking.’

And that was the last I could hear. They’ve left. It was so good to see that there were people like them around Yuto. It seemed like they were a good team.

I was slowly going home, and I was still thinking about him. How he could practice at 8. How he is joking with those two. How he is immersed in their music. It was a lovely thought. But someone had to ruin it again. It was Kim Jae Hyun. When I opened the text message, I couldn’t really understand what was going on.

              ‘Hey, can we meet tomorrow after class? I have something to tell you.’

And I was hesitating to answer him, but usually even to those Kim Jae Hyun types I couldn’t say so I answered:

              ‘Please keep it short I have already had plans, for the afternoon.’

              ‘Okay, I’ll be straightforward.’

Straightforward? What is wrong with this guy? Anyhow I didn’t bother to analyse this conversation I could finally return to my original thoughts. I was daydreaming and had all the possible scenarios and answers in my head, what Yuto could answer on the next day. While playing with the thoughts I didn’t even realise that it was already 7.20 and I was late for school.

In the end I was just on time and managed to arrive before the class started. Yuto was also arriving in the same time. We were always nice with each other but today he seemed nicer and more polite than usual.

The whole day I was freaking nervous I couldn’t concentrate. I wanted to finally just tell him that freaking question. Let out of my chest and just move on. I was so nervous I was kind of reconsidering the whole thing and deciding to give the speech alone.

After the last class ended, I was heading to the library directly. I didn’t see Yuto that much on this day, and even our last class was separated so I was so much waiting to finally see him. When a tall guy in our uniform has finally appeared on the corner, I was already so happy. But it wasn’t him unfortunately.

              ‘Where were you?’ Kim Jae Hyun asked.

Shit. I completely forgot about it.

              ‘Oh sorry. What did you wanted to share?’

              ‘I like you.’

              ‘Pffff. HAHAHAHA. Come on Jae Hyun I have better things to do.’

              ‘No, I am serious. I like you. I was rude and distant because I liked you. But I realized it is not working on you. So now I am confessing my feelings. Also, can you please be my partner for the prom?’

What the actual heck? I was so shocked I couldn’t give him an answer or even react. And as I didn’t do anything, I saw him reaching out to my hands. And in that second, I heard a small noise from the right side. It was Yuto. He was staring at us, while holding a paper in his hands. His eyes were the saddest things I saw in my life. Betrayal. Disappointment. Sorrow. It was all over written in his eyes. In the end he just turned around and the paper just slowly falling out of his hands reaching the floor.

              ‘Yuto, wait.’ And I wanted to go after him but Jae Hyun was grabbing my wrist tighter than before.

              ‘Mr. Japan will not comeback.’

              ‘What?’

              ‘I made sure that he will see us like this today.’

              ‘How could you?’

              ‘It is so obvious that you fell for him and I even heard yesterday when you told him to meet you here. But I must be the other representative.’

              ‘You are so disgusting. I’ll never choose you as a partner.’

              ‘Oh, you will, otherwise I’ll make sure your precious Mr. Japan will not be able to graduate this year.’

And suddenly I was getting scared of him. He was grabbing my stronger, it hurt. He pushed me to the wall and was leaning closer. I didn’t know what he wanted to do but my tears were already flowing on my cheeks.

              ‘Oh a little crying won’t work on me, I’ll not let you go until you promise me to nominate as the other representative.’

And I was just about to agree and promise him, but in that second finally my wrist was free and I was no longer captured by his suffocating presence.

              ‘Don’t you dare put your hands on her.’ Yuto said.

              ‘Oh lovely Mr. Japan came back as a savior.’

But he couldn’t finish his sentence cause in that second Yuto punched him in his face. I was so shocked. It was too much going on in that past 10 minutes.

              ‘How dare you frighten her? Don’t you ever come near her. Understood?’

And this was the very first time I saw this part of Yuto. I couldn’t find words. Does he also have a side like this? A protective bit aggressive side?

Jae Hyun must have understood but unfortunately Ms. Choi has just appeared on the scene and I knew this is not going to bring anything good.

              ‘What is going on?’ She asked angrily.

              ‘Teacher, I just…’ Yuto started. He was again back to his usual calm and shy self.

              ‘This jerk hit me. He needs to be punished.’ Jae Hyun added.

I was so pissed. How can he even now pretend that he is the victim?

              ‘Yuto is it true?’

              ‘Yes, teacher.’ He answered calmly.

              ‘Oh, and what are you doing here?’ She asked me.

              ‘I-I’ And I couldn’t find the words. It was just too much.

              ‘Jae Hyun was threatening her, teacher.’ Yuto answered.

              ‘Really?’

And instead of answering I just nodded. Ms. Choi just sighed.

              ‘Are you okay?’

              ‘Yes, Ms. Choi.’ I answered still a bit dizzy from nervousness.

              ‘Alright. You two are coming with me.’ And the boys and the teacher were leaving.

I was still unconscious due to the sudden happenings. I was hoping that Yuto will not get in big trouble because of me, but I just couldn’t wait for him I wanted to leave school as soon as possible. As I was leaving, I saw that paper on the floor which Yuto was holding earlier. I slowly picked it up and actually didn’t want to read it but once I saw my name on it I couldn’t stop myself.

Do you still remember how it started? You asked about the camellia. And I promised to tell you the story. But as time passed, we had so many things to share with each other the flower and its story faded away. I finally gathered some courage to write this letter. I am sorry to make you wait. You must have had a hard time. We both knew what was going on, but I wasn’t ready to tell you. I am so sorry about that.

Why always camellia? It reminds me of a lot of special memories. It is one of the most common flowers in our country. It made me feel like I was home. The legend says the camellia blossoms only in special circumstances in given times but once it blooms it is the most beautiful one of them all. In the past months you were the one ensuring the special circumstances for me. Without you I couldn’t become popular and loved. You made me feel like a camellia. You made me feel at home. You don’t know how much grateful I am for that.

We are working on our album now, and I was thinking about how I could tell you all the feelings I feel right now. I am usually not a very talkative type, so I chose my own way. I hope you’ll like it.

‘The times spent with you, became beautiful memories’ ‘Collecting our beautiful stories, When the camellia blossoms, I want to call you’

What do you think? How about spending more beautiful times together creating many more beautiful memories?

Yuto

I couldn’t stop myself anymore. This whole day was just too much to process. My tears started to flow. I couldn’t really describe why I was crying. Happiness? Relief? Being moved? Maybe all of these and more. It was such an overwhelming feeling. And finally, I had my answers. Why he was not making any steps. He still needed time. But in his own way he was continuously telling me how he cherished our relationship.

Without even realizing a half hour passed and I heard steps from the end of the corner. I hoped nobody would notice me, but it didn’t work out unfortunately. With my still teary eyes I tried to recognize the silhouette of the nearing person. But once I heard his voice, I felt an oddly calm feeling getting over my body.

              ‘Are you okay?’ He asked.

              ‘Yuto. I am … He is…’

              ‘I know. I heard it. I am sorry I left I should have protected you and avoid this to happen.’

              ‘No. You did all you could.’

And suddenly there was a silence between us. I was scared to bring it up, but I need it to hear it with my own ears.

              ‘Is this really have you feel?’

And I was still holding on to that sheet of paper like it was the most precious thing in my life. (Most likely it was).

And instead of answering he just looked at me shyly and nodded. And at that point I couldn’t hold it back I hugged him as tight as possible. He wrapped his arms around me, and I was drowning in that feeling. It felt like homecoming. I was leaning my head on his and once I felt his hands stroking my hair, I knew he was my safe place, my secret hideaway.

It was dreamlike, we were just standing in the empty school, but we were in our own universe. Like he wanted to calm me down he placed a soft kiss on my forehead, and I was already blushing. But just as I said Yuto was a mystery. After so many times passed, I would never think, he would show me his passionate side. The romantic side of him which was longing for an honest talk, for a hug, for a kiss.

It was so insane. How could he be so powerful and strong when it comes to protecting me, and how can he be so gentle when I am in his arms? Why do I forget everything when I am with him? Why do I want to give up on everything for him? His every touch was like a spell. My lips were tingling, and my body was trembling from amazement. I had a lot of plans and goals, but in that moment when I was with him, when I felt him, suddenly I could forget about the university applications and everything. Only we existed.

              ‘I’ll protect you from now on.’ He whispered in my ears. ‘Shall we go now?’

And he was reaching out for my hands. So, we were walking out hand in hand.

              ‘There is something I should tell you. And you won’t be happy most likely.’ He said suddenly.

              ‘Why are you starting like this?’

              ‘Those two boys from yesterday. They are waiting for me, so I will have to leave. I am sorry.’

I was disappointed but it couldn’t be helped. I knew how talented he was and I wanted to support him no matter what.

              ‘I’ll make it up somehow.’ He promised.

Once we left school the two boys just as previously. They were standing outside waiting for Yuto.

              ‘Yuto-ya. Can we go now?’ The smaller guy asked.

              ‘Yeah, just a sec. So, let me introduce you my bandmates. This is Lee Hoetaek our Leader. He nags me all the times, but he does it out of love. Right? And this is Kang Hyunggu our dancing machine.’

              ‘Nice to meet you.’ I said quietly.

              ‘Oh, and most importantly. She is my girlfriend.’ And he was holding my hand tighter than before. He gave me a small kiss on my cheek.

              ‘Okay so everyone knows everyone now. We can go now.’ He said with satisfaction.

He waved goodbye and winked. Well Adachi Yuto seemingly you exactly now how to make it up.

[bethd0456]

hellooo lovely! i loved reading your response to my last ask - apparently tumblr is messing up my asks bc a lot of them haven’t been going through :( but let’s hope this one does! i’ve been seeing that you watch cherry magic, and it’s one of my favourite shows at the moment!! 💘 who’s your favourite character? mine is kurosawa personally, i relate so much to him and his gayness. also udon chan, the cutest little cat! what did you think of the last ep, wasn’t it so cute!!! (1/2)

i hope you’re doing well!!! i also wanted to ask what your favourite shows and ships are! i already have a vague idea formulating just by browsing through your blog and over our shared love of cherry magic, but i’d looove to hear your thoughts and your favourites!! wishing you the bestest day! 💘 - your secret santa (2/2)

Hiiiii!!!! I hope life is treating you well!

Omg I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it! I hope you're ready for this MASSIVE answer and you don't get too bored reading this one!

CHERRY MAGIC!!!!!! It instantly became a comfort show for me, as it did for many others!

ADACHIADACHIADACHIADACHI. Adachi is 100% my fave. I never fully understood what a comfort character was. I was like, "yeah! I love Tine also!" But. Adachi is the definition of comfort for me. I see so much of myself in him! Everyone sees him and is like "babie. Must protecc." And honestly? Me too. How can one character be so damn CUTE??!?!? One of my favourite moments is him seeing Kurosawa after the almost-kiss. He just like, sees him, and gets so panicked 🥺 the way his arms just flail about makes me smile like an idiot.

But like, on a deeper level, this drama makes me believe I'm worthy of love. The idea that someone like Kurosawa could be THAT infatuated with you, even though you're an awkward virgin lmao. The point of watching these dramas is to get lost in a story, right? See a situation you want so badly but you know will never realistically happen? The entire premise of the show is just really enticing to me. I am Adachi, Adachi is me. Also, the thing he said in ep6 about not having a clear dream in life? Yeah. I felt that. I'm so envious of people who have passions they work so hard for, it gives them a form of purpose. Like Adachi, sometimes I feel like I'm living in a "daze". I feel like I don't really have any specific passions or skills that I want to develop into a career. Sometimes I just wish I had ambition. Adachi makes me feel so seen and like I'm not the only person who feels like this. The kinds of characters that usually make good protagonists are characters with a clear goal/passion. In most shows this obviously really works, but I can never relate to them personally. It's really special for me to see a character who's similar to me in this way.

Kurosawa is such an amazing character too!!!!! His gay little heart 🥺 on another level, he's just so?? Respectful??? 7. YEARS. 7 years of pining and he holds himself back so well!! He's been waiting for this relationship for so long but is so patient, willing to take things slowly for Adachi. He flirts shamelessly (as he should) but never to the point where Adachi was too uncomfortable.

He cares so much about Adachi :(. But also, even before he liked Adachi, he could tell he was uncomfortable with the drinking thing, so he DOWNED the wine lmao. Clearly he's just a lovely person all round who's really socially aware.

As for other characters:

• Udon my baby!!!! The cutest cat ever!! I love animals sm :(((

• Tsuge's chaotic energy is iconic

• Minato a lovely little dance machine :))

• Rokaku deserves the world, my excitable kiss interruptor :(((

• Fujisaki my love! She's so soft and cute!! Also ace coded how iconic

I ADORED ep8!!! I LIVE for established Adasawa! Adachi coming out to Tsuge :((( I'm so proud of Adachi coming to terms with his feelings and being confident enough to share his relationship with his closest friend. Coming out is not easy and he did so well 🥺

Adachi and Tsuge are so useless bless them 😂 Kurosawa really said "well I guess I have to take these two socially awkward disasters under my wing." Adachi and Tsuge are such a chaotic duo, I love that they can communicate just by touching each other, and omg when Kurosawa said his name Tsuge was "wait maybe I know everything about you already" and if that isn't friendship idk what is

Also Kurosawa making up a poem in his head about Adachi???? Peak romance. Also iconic. I'M A SUCKER FOR HAND HOLDING SCENES SO I DIED. "I like him. I like him. I like him!!" HOW CUTE CAN YOU GET FJKHDSHSKSK

I also got another arm flailing moment when Kurosawa almost got the wrong idea about Adachi and Tsuge!! CAN ADACHI STOP BEING SO CUTE MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT. How on earth his boyfriend is still alive I have no idea.

There are so many other shows and ships I love. I feel like I'll probably miss some, but here we go. These aren't rankings at all, just like, lists lol.

Show list:

1. 2gether

This show means so much to me. It was the first time I watched a bl week by week and it made it so much more special?? I valued scenes so much more than when I binge shows and they would like, look at each other and I'd have a heart attack. They made the first part of my quarantine bearable bc I always had something to look forward to every Friday. I actually really enjoyed quarantine overall as an introvert (not to be insensitive about the literal deaths the pandemic has caused), but I really enjoyed constantly thinking about how long it was until Friday. I'm massively emotionally attached to all of the characters in this show you have no idea. Every single one. The found family of it all,, the way all of the characters have relationships. Still2gether did a phenomenal job of showcasing all of the unexpected but very welcome dynamics and relationships, platonic and romantic alike. I could blabber about this show for so long I'll spare u for now

2. YYY

Is it well written? No. Did I enjoy it anyway?? You know it! I told you how much I love the found family trope. UGH. THIS FAMILY. Also, seeing the feminine side of the LGBT+ community represented positively warmed my heart. There needs to be more bls that do that! Celebrate femininity!! There's nothing wrong with being camp as fuck! It's so much fun!!! This show made me so happy :))

3. Start up

I'm currently obsessed. It's my first Kdrama and holy shit this is what the hype is about. The budget!! The acting! Top notch. On a sad note I really wish bls got that much funding behind them. My heart aches for a complicated story with fully developed characters and plotlines, that just happens to have a gay main couple/character. Wishful thinking for now at least. Anyways, I'm massively emotionally attached to Halmeoni and Jipyeong. Team Jipyeong all the way (even tho Dalmi's obviously gonna end up with Dosan, and I'm happy for them!). All I need is a happy ending for my darling Jipyeong. Please give him one. Also, if anything happens to Halmeoni I will WEEP.

4. Cherry magic is obviously here but I've ranted about that enough already 😂

5. 3 will be free

I would never have expected gmm to make a series like this! But they went and did THAT. Wild. It was such a healthy representation of a poly relationship. The themes of feminism were so well handled and powerful, the chemistry was off the CHARTS, I was hooked from start to finish! Time for a rewatch? I think so.

6. Feel good

Not an Asian drama, but still gay as FUCK. It's written by my wife Mae Martin who also stars in it, and I have to say, it blew me away. Story time!! My friend irl recommended it to me without saying it was Mae, so I was like "okay sure I'll put it on my to watch list I guess" without much motivation to watch it. But as soon as I found out it was Mae I watched it and I've never looked back lol. Once I finished I sent my friend a splurge of messages about my feelings. The series touches on issues like addiction, sexuality and gender. "I'm not a boy. I'm not even a girl. I'm like a failed version of both." That shit HURT.

There's a scene near the end which has really stayed with me. So Mae's character is a comedian and she does a set making jokes about the stuff that happened in the series and oh my GOD. The way I CRIED. It made me realise that people who make jokes about their experiences are using humour as a coping mechanism and when people say "Haha I have daddy issues isn't it funny" we have to remember to be respectful. It's never okay to make jokes about someone else's trauma. Don't make a big deal of it but just don't be a dick.

Anyways I could go on but would 100% recommend this series!

7. HIStory 2 crossing the line

My first bl! This series is the reason I'm so obsessed with bl lmao. The main couple are so soft :( this little series will always hold a special place in my heart!

8. Sotus

My first gmm series, we've come a long way. I miss Kong and Arthit :(

9. Dark blue kiss

Such a brilliant series. I trust P'Aof (director) with my life. This series touches on issues that are so important and deserve to be talked about so much more in bls. This is what happens when you let LGBT people tell LGBT stories! They do it with such care and love!! One of my favourite lines is "I may like men, but I'll never like your brother." One of my biggest let peeves is "I don't like men, I only like x." Like, I get the business behind it, they don't want to make the character gay to make them available for girls to fantasise about. Which is disgusting. But Mork really said "no. ❤" and I LOVE IT.

10. The shipper

I could go on and on about how underrated I think this series is. This series took over from 2gether on Fridays, and while I didn't think about this series constantly like I did with 2gether, this series made my quarantine brighter. Fridays meant I was gonna laugh at least once and forget about life just for a short while. The humour in this series is so fucking dumb lmao, but I'm here for it.

I've seen people talk about the shipper as a bl but I disagree. I think it's better described as a series with bl aspects. The main themes are friendship, family, dealing with loss, respecting boundaries of people you admire, and one of the main messages is about making sure the people close to you know how much they mean to you. Don't get me wrong, the majority of the series is over the top humour, but by the end of it I was personally really attached to the characters and their feelings. Overall I really enjoyed this series but I don't see anyone properly talk about it :(

11. Gaya sa pelikula

A series made by gay people for gay people. Shows like this are so important. This show really healed my soul with how brilliant the representation was :(( "remember we talked about microagressions" the way that means Vlad is constantly educating Karl about LGBT stuff, UGH. SO GOOD. Also this show has the most realistic representation of a crush I've ever seen lmao, soft Vlad is the best Vlad.

12. My engineer

My happy little Saturday show :( I miss the shit writing, shit acting and soft story of this series so much. I'm so fond of this series, I watched it after the horrible ep12 of 2gether and it really made me happy. I'm looking forward to season 2, but Ramking's novel goes DOWNHILL from here on. I know tricreation wouldn't allow the final chapter's scenes, but the entire story is so problematic and unenjoyable :(. The only valid scene is King's coming out scene but that's literally it. And the collar scene can stay lmao.

13. Oxygen

Another soft saturday series! I love this series so much, all of the couples are so bloody healthy and it makes me so happy. The communication is amazing!! THIS is how you show healthy relationships!!!

14. The gifted

S1 was so amazing!! I loved all of it! The only part of s2 we'll talk about is timegracethird. Time best boy!! Grace a feminist queen! When future Grace said they would be friends for a long time that made me so happy :(( also pangwave canon

15. Until we meet again

So I talked about the healthy relationships in oxygen. But uwma really showed the healthiest relationship ever. DeanPharm are just the softest little humans :( I would die for Pharm. He's the closest I got to a comfort character before Adachi. I just have to PROTECT HIM. My motherly instincts really kick in when I see him lmao.

The storyline of this series is just breathtaking. And the ending? I don't think I've ever cried that much. At all. It was so fucking beautiful 🥺

16. My gear and your gown

I really liked this show! Honestly I don't think I'll ever rewatch it but I definitely enjoyed it. The way Pai just seemed to breathe freely for the first time when his parents accepted his sexuality :(((( my baby :( also purefolk were brilliant

Ship list:

1. Saratine

These two are the definition of romance. They mean the fucking world to me. The fact that their story is apparently gonna be continued in some form makes me so. So. Happy. I cannot begin to describe it. My bet is on a special episode and ugh I'm so EXCITED.

2. Aini

Thonhonchonlatee in general is enjoyable but I don't like Thon at all. It's such a shame bc I was so excited for Khaotung and Podd to be in a series together :((. BUT. Aini have grabbed my heart. I knew they would bc miketap are brilliant, but wow. They're so gay my little babies :( miketap are just so natural and comfortable to watch. I love their chemistry so muuuuuuch

3. Sunmork

Coffee boyfriends :( I miss them so bloody much

4. Ramking

One of my fave ships. As I mentioned, I'm apprehensive about s2, but s1 ramking is such a beautiful story. It's just about 2 boys falling in love, no complications. Plant boy who's afraid of dogs falls in love with quiet boy who loves dogs but is afraid of children. Iconic. Also chemistry outsold, I THINK ABOUT THE KISS CONSTANTLY. When I mentioned the acting is shit in this series (shit is harsh, I mean awkward), I did not mean Perth and Lay in the slightest. They really nailed their roles and I loved it.

5. Professor Layton x Claire

You 100% won't get this reference but I grew up with the Professor Layton games and holy shit do they hold up. They're so amazingly written with beautiful stories and the most lovable characters in the world. Layton's intellect, loving nature and surprising athleticism are admirable. Adachi is the character I relate to most, but if I was gonna choose a character to comfort me irl, Layton's your man. His voice is so comforting by nature. I'm blabbering at this point but the point is him and Claire are the only het pairing that matters.

These are just the ships that I felt should be separate from their shows. I love all of the ships from the shows I mentioned.

Oof this got horrifically long, I haven't had a proper chance to rant about most of these shows so I really let it out lol. I hope you've watched at least some of these shows and I didn't just rant to u about 12 shows you've never heard of 😂

I hope you have a wonderful day love!!!!

[shinwonsaysomething]

Helping you to study Japanese - Yuto Adachi

He would be so happy 

Just to hear you want to learn his native language!!

Like very happy

Very smiley and happy toll bean

He asks you in which way you want him to help

He gives you the time and space to study

Will help when you ask him

But doesn't become this strict teacher

He is more of a tutor

Compliments 24/7!

Very patient and kind when it comes to studying

He will take it just as seriously as you do

Once you have homework he will help you out

But he doesn't take over your work

Also makes sure you don't overwork yourself

Takes you out to a coffee place for little breaks

Writing is a more difficult thing to explain

It is a habit to him

But he tries it anyway

Very impatient when it comes to speaking Japanese though

Really wants to speak Japanese with you

You really have to tell him you are not confident enough yet

He will turn back to the patient teacher

Pronunciation king and also a pro at explaining it

He gives you compliments when you do something well

Also motivates you to keep going when you feel discouraged

"I am so proud of you! You have come so far already!"

When you are confident enough with your Japanese he would do a happy dance

Be prepared!

Will speak Japanese randomly

He starts of speaking to you more often

Comes up with the idea to watch some of your favorite Disney movies in Japanese

Or with Japanese subtitles

Another amazing idea:

Translating Japanese songs together

That way he can help you with the deeper meaning of some words

He is very giggly when you speak Japanese

Because he is so PROUD of you

Like he would tell everybody how well you are doing

He would even tell his mom about it

When you are more advanced in Japanese

He would take you to Japan

Not just to speak the language more

But also because his mom wants him to visit

Will help you become less nervous round his mom

He will translate the things you don't understand

Into easier sentences or he uses different words

His mom will love you

His dad will be impressed

He will show you off to his Japanese friends

Honestly a very good in general

Because he is so positive and bubbly

You will become better in Japanese every day

Just a bullet list and moodboard of Yuto helping you studying Japanese, because my lovely baby @studying-mostly​ is working so hard to learn Japanese. I hope this will give you some more motivation, just like that moodboard I made awhile back. Just know I am insanely proud of you! You are doing so well! 🌱🌸

[shadowtarot]

(THieves in Inaba.) Are they still in their swimwear??? If so... I'd like for the boys to lure in Kashiwagi and ask for her to let them in. It's a bit of revenge for the girls XD (Kashiwagi was present in P3P and in P4 so a Cognition of her should exist as the dungeon is using their memories)

Thieves in Inaba Part 60

With the forest now a mesh of the Arc and the hollow woods, Joker goes over his plan with the others. 

“Okay so Shido’s Palace we needed to get key cards to get to the heart of the palace, right? Well with this place being made up of entirely our thoughts, this would mean we’d need to overcome this the same way.” Ren smirks, brushing some of his frizzy hair out of his face.

“Okay, that’s neat and all but what does this have to do with all of us being in swimsuits?” Yosuke asks, hand placed on his hip.

“Everything.” Ryuji smirks. “One of the guys we needed to grab a letter from was a total perv. We had Ann and the other girls put on swimsuits and talk to him. Got him off guard and everything. And to top it off? It was my plan.” He sounds so proud of himself as he talks.

“Yes, but we still had to fight him in the end….” Morgana sighs.

“So…you’re saying there’s going be a guy on the other side of these trees and we have to…seduce him?” Yukiko asks, before bursting out laughing. “I’m just…imagining Chie and I trying to do that and it’s just….ahahaha!”

Chie sighs, placing a hand on her head and shaking. “Give her a minute. But I’m so not down for this! What if he follows one of us out of this place? What then?” 

“It won’t be a real person, merely just a cognition.” Akechi explains, looking over at a now calmed down Yukiko before continuing. “Think of doing this as solely being a puzzle. Complete it and move on, there’s no need to get worked up about it.” 

Yusuke seemingly isn’t even paying attention to the conversation however, instead he’s more focused on Akihiko and Kanji. He has his fingers done in his typical picture frame work as he nods to himself. “It is a shame I left my sketch book at the hotel, so many of these experiences could make for wonderful pieces…”

Kanji crosses his arms in annoyance. “Well I sure hope you aren’t implyin’ I’m one of those ‘Experiences’.”

“Well one of should at least scout and see who we’re dealing with,” Ken suggests, hand in his pocket. “If we go in blindly it might not end well.” 

“Well who’d be the most willing to take a risk at being spotted?” Makoto looks among the group. 

Mishima sighs “I can go check, I need to contribute more to this team after all.” He walks around the corner and comes back fairly quickly.

“Well?” Yu asks, concerned as to why he came back so fast.

“It…it’s a woman!”

Ren and Ryuji look confused, the others all turning to them as to see if they have a new plan. 

“Yeah, it was a woman, with a black one piece swimsuit…and-” But as Mishima goes to describe her…Minato, Junpei and Akihiko’s faces go pale.

They know who’s around the corner.

“Yo, those three don’t look so good all of a sudden. What’s up?” Ryuji asks, leaning closer to them. 

Minato clears his throat. “Was she…well endowed?”

“I don’t know how relevant this question is but….yes.”

Akihiko sighs, shaking his head. “If this place is pulling from all of our memories, then some of ours must be in this mix as well. Back during our journey, we went to the beach…and Junpei suggested we go on a ‘Babe Hunt’.”

“Yeah..and one of the women we chose to flirt with was an older lady…she seemed pretty into it…like creeply into it…” Junpei lowers his head.

“H-Hold on…you didn’t…happen to get her name did you?” Yosuke starts to have a bad feeling himself. “Damnit! I-I have to check!”

He pokes his head around the corner, and comes back even faster then Mishima did. 

“Uh huh, I was right. It’s Kashiwagi.” Yosuke sounds defeated as he talks.

“You can’t be serious…” Yu sounds tired. “We’ll have to get past her..”

Chie laughs. “Hey Akechi did say it’s only a cognition thing, so don’t get cold feet boys! Ohhh I am so getting front row seats to this.”

Ann laughs as she starts to shove Ryuji, Ren, Yosuke and Akechi. “You four go as well~”

Yukari playfully winks. “You three might actually succeed this time. Good luuck~”

Ken starts to object. “Hey! Why am I being roped into this too?! I was too young to have been apart of it before!”

Teddie starts to slowly sneak away, only for Naoto to grab him by the hand.

“Morgana, Koromaru and Adachi each have an excuse, but you don’t. The better the numbers, the greater the chance of success. Go help.” 

Teddie lowers his head. “Why must I be cursed with good looks?”

Persona Training Center, TV World

Ai finally wakes up, her eyes fluttering open only to meet Kou’s again. She realizes she had fallen asleep on his shoulder and jolts up.

“Ah! I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

Kou shakes his head, smiling. “It’s alright, you were tired from all of that excitement. No one would blame you.”

Ai smiles a bit, nodding slowly. “Thanks then…so, where did they go? It’s awfully quiet in here…” 

“They headed out to save the next victim, apparently.” Daisuke says, walking out from the restroom. 

“So…they really are out saving people. But those…freakish monsters! How are they dealing with them all?” The Moon holder looks to the floor. “They took so many people, and they’re just putting themselves in danger…”

“Well, I think it’s because of those powers they have.” Kou looks to the ceiling. “Persona..I think it’s called. All of them have it, and it makes fighting those freaks easy.”

“Per..sona? Sounds like some dumb fantasy mubo jumbo…” The curly haired girl shakes her head. “But all of them you say? That means…even Chie?” 

Kou and Daisuke both nod, and Ai seems a bit more hurt by that response. 

“Just another thing I have to compete with…if at all…” She mutters under her breath. 

Kou then sighs. “But yeah, who’d think that this is the big secret Yu and his pals were hiding this whole time. The whole group is out of our league…”

Hearing him say that, Ai has a bit more hope. She nods a bit, which Daisuke notices but says nothing to acknowledge it. 

“So you’re giving up on what you said before, man?” Daisuke asks casually. 

“Possibly..right now, I don’t know if I can compete with this kind of secret life…” The blue haired young man shakes his head. “No, I don’t think I can at all.”

“Well, there’s always more people out there for you.” Ai says quietly. If Kou heard or not, she’s unaware. 

Back in The Hollow Forest

The girls are having trouble trying to get the guys to go over to cognitive Kashiwagi. 

“Come on, don’t be such a baby! It’s basically a shadow!” Chie yells, trying her best to shove Yosuke. 

“I don’t care what the hell it is! I’m not dealing with this!” He barks back. 

“This is revenge for that swimsuit contest! Now you can see how we felt!” Yukiko states, trying to push Yu.

“Wasn’t the cross-dressing contest enough of a punishment? This is a straight up death sentence!” Yu responds.

Ryuji looks to Morgana for any form of assistance, but he’s greeted only by a shit eating grin. 

“Damnit Mona! This would be a good time to help us!” He pleads.

“Help? Last I checked, you had a second reason for that plan in the Palace in motion, so seeing this go through is good enough punishment.” The cat laughs.

The guys all sigh, seems they’re not getting out of this whatsoever.

[crackinthewhip]

wow, that was... an Episode™

thoughts on ep 3 below the cut!!!

k, um. i went in knowing i was gonna be kind to abel because i dig being compassionate to enemies. it’s one of my fave tropes so i went in knowing what i would do. but. goddamn. he became so much more sympathetic than i thought? his VA did such a good job portraying relatable fear and despair. my heart honestly broke. abel is by no means my favorite character, but i can’t say he’s one of my least favorites, either. i just. wow. that hit me hard. and AJ being there made it harder. more on that later.

does it bother anyone else that clementine can read bible passages perfectly when she didn’t move past the first grade?

the passing bdsm reference made me laugh, though. stay classy, abel

i saved louis in ep 2, and i don’t have any regrets. more thoughts on that later, too.

i still hear adachi/ichigo in james’s voice and it makes me laugh every time. especially with adachi (from persona 4). like, bitch. don’t tell me not to kill walkers. (i still didn’t)

i absolutely loved the “party” the kids threw. it was sweet, and we got some development for them (ruby and louis/violet in particular).

the uh, masturbation line was... weird.

louis’s backstory was so sad and honestly believable and unique. it’s something i can see a stupid spoiled kid doing, and you can tell he’s sorry.

THE SONG... god, the song!! i got the piano version with louis, but god!! it was so pretty!!

i went with the platonic louis route and i still got to hug him. fuck yeah.

james having a bf was cute. <3

i’ve been raising AJ to be kind/merciful to people, so idk if he had this reaction in every playthrough, but his whole “3 types of eyes” speech was very deep and introspective. him feeling sorry for abel too was very sweet. i’m proud of who he’s becoming.

violet hates me now.... sorry, vi. it’s better than louis not having a tongue.

minerva is... very interesting. that’s all i can really say about her at this time.

i didn’t kill lilly, mostly for AJ. i like lilly, don’t get me wrong, but she has done nothing to gain my favor this season, and i’m angry with her. however, i’m training AJ to not be a killer, and my clem is not a killer.

poor james.... rip adachi/ichigo.

[ineffable-writings]

Pretty Perfect

Word Count: 1065

Genre: Fluff

A/N: SEE THE END BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO SPOIL. - Admin Spring

You sat with your friends around the table of the restaurant. You agreed to meeting up this weekend to get caught up with each other. Being full time college students, all of you were pretty busy to hang out, but still remained the best of friends.

You were having casual banter like how was your day, how is college, how is your love life. One of your friends had now gone on a tangent about how horrible their recent relationship was. The rest of them nodding along and patting her while you sat quietly.

Suddenly the topic shifted when they noticed your silence. Your friend noticing your lock screen, a picture of you and your high school sweetheart and boyfriend of 6 years.

“Y/N, how have you stuck with him that long?” she asked.

“Yeah, doesn't he ever annoy you? I gave up on guys, they all suck,” another laughed.

“Of course, but relationships are about being able to tolerate each other's flaws. Sticking with them through thick and thin. Just never giving up.” They all nodded in agreement.

They continued that lunch asking questions, which you gladly answered. You felt proud that you could give relationship advice. You felt that yours couldn't be better and loved to help others have that kind of love too.

Even through all the years, you and your boyfriend were still helplessly in love. You had those moments where he drove you insane, when he made you upset, and most importantly when he made you the happiest person on earth. You knew he felt the same because of his continuous words of encouragement and love. Things weren't dull with the two of you either. Even the quiet silence was comfortable as long as it was with him.

It was in the evening and you were both home after a long day. He had decided to cook for you, while you were sitting on the counter so you could spend more time with him.

“So how was your day, babe? Did you have a good lunch with your friends?” he said while still focusing on the lettuce he was chopping.

“Yeah! It was nice. We talked about you actually.” you said with a light laugh. He looked up from the cutting board at you across the middle island of your kitchen.

“What?” he laughed too, “What do you mean?”

“Y/F/N just had a bad break up with the guy she was seeing,” you answered, he was back to his chopping, but he nodded to let you know he was listening.

“So I was talking to them about how to have a good relationship, which involved you in the conversation,” you continued as you made your way around to him, “I can't believe we've been together for so long and I still just love you so so much, Adachi Yuto.”

He put down the knife, turned in your arms that were wrapped around his waist now. He grabbed your face in his hands, smiling at you happily before placing a kiss on your forehead.

“I love you too Adachi Y/N,” You burst into a chuckle at this.

“Pff yeah right, we aren't married YET!” you loosened yourself out of his grip crossing back to your previous place across from him. You could feel your cheeks were warmer than usual so instead you now had your back to him. Grabbing your phone trying to distract you while you waited for him to finish cooking.

Dinner was finally finished and you set the table while he fixed the plates. Soon enough you both had eaten and started to clean up the table. After washing the dishes since he had cooked the dinner you found him sitting on the couch waiting for you.

“Let's watch something,” he says when you come sit with him. “Ok, what do you wanna watch? I'll let you pick.” He stands up going over to the DVD player, you don't pay much attention as he gets it set up.

Suddenly you hear a familiar voice playing. Your own. You look up to see an old video of you playing. It was the day Yuto had asked you out, a friend had filmed it all.

You had thought that day he was just being a really great friend. He had given you flowers and your favorite snacks and multiple gifts throughout the day. At the end of the day he had met you at your car, there was a crowd of your friends. This is what the video was from. You could see yourself tearing up on screen as the camera then panned to Yuto holding the sign that said ‘will you be my girlfriend?’

From that video it went on through a compilation of pictures of you both throughout the years. At prom, selfies, at events with friends, everything. Multiple videos played too, showing more memories. The off-guard ones you took of each other, the one of him after the haunted house you took him to one halloween, the one your friends took with the captions ‘goals’ when it was just you and him play fighting.

You didn't notice yourself crying until your vision started to blur from all the tears. As the videos became more and more recent you realized it would be at the end soon. A final video played before the screen started flickering, you stood to go fix the broken TV, but stopped in your tracks when words played across the screen.

‘Will you marry me, Y/N?’

Your hands fly up to cover your gaping mouth, that's when you notice your boyfriend kneeling beside you. A ring shining in his hand.

“I've been keeping this ring for awhile now, but I was scared to ask you for the longest time. Today though when I said your name with my last name, it hit me. I want to be with you forever, Y/N. You mean so much to me, there's no one else like you.”

The tears were only stronger now as he stood up getting closer to you. He took one hand away from your face and held it in his, “So, will you marry me?”

You nod aggressively and wrap your arms around his neck pulling him into a tight hug. He hugs you back and you can feel his beating heart in time with your own.

“Yes!”

A/N: I wasn't really sure how taking names would go if you married foreigners with last name first, so I just kept it?? sorry if that sounded silly ? but still I hope you liked it!! I really loved writing this, I love yutoda!! :)))

[goodlucktai]

goodbye to safe and sound

@natsumeweek 2017 Day 4; Flowers/Nature

pairing: nishinatsu

title borrowed from youth by troye sivan

x

Somewhere in the latter half of their third and final year of high school, Natsume comes to a decision.

It's lunch period, and Satoru is digging through his bag for some change for food from the newly installed vending machine on the first floor when Adachi calls across the room, “Nishimura! Someone's here to see you!”

The whole class “ooooh”s, and Satoru looks up from his bag to find Natsume lingering in the doorway. He gives up on finding any change and heads for the hall, giving the snickering Adachi a dirty look as he passes him.

“You can just come in next time, you know,” Satoru points out, stretching his arms above his head. “No one cares. Half of those guys were in our class last year.”

“That's okay,” Natsume says. “I wanted to talk to you alone, anyway.”

Ignoring the automatic way his heart picks up at the implications, Satoru gestures towards the stairs with a flourish. Natsume smiles at him, quietly radiant, and leads the way up to the roof.

“Well, you've got me where you want me,” Satoru says, stepping out into the gray afternoon. It isn't wet yet, but the sky has been threatening rain all day. “What's up?”

Natsume shuffles for a moment, then visibly squares his shoulders. Brushing some of that long fringe out of his eyes, he meets Satoru's eyes bravely and says, “I'm going to college.”

It takes a minute for that to sink in. They haven't talked about their future plans in—months. It always made Natsume act cagey. Satoru had all but given up on having another conversation about this anytime soon.

“You—what? Seriously?” he says dumbly. Natsume's eyes are bright as he nods.

“I told my parents last night.” His smile becomes a touch wider, more pleased, bringing a flush to his cheeks. “They're—really proud. But Touko-san made me promise to visit every weekend, and Shigeru-san wants me to be very careful about the schools I apply to. And they're not letting me move out until I find a decent apartment, since a dorm probably, uh. Wouldn't work. And—apparently there's going to be an “empty nest” thing I have to look out for with Touko-san? But I'm not sure—”

Satoru all but lunges at him, snatching up his hands. “Natsume! Are you serious? You're really going to college?”

He nods calmly, beaming in that blink-and-you'll-miss-it blinding way of his. Satoru, previously reluctantly resigned to parting with this boy when he parted with this town, could just about burst.

“Natsume! That's awesome! We should—hey, let's try to get into the same one!” He tugs on their joined hands, almost vibrating with excitement. “We could study for our entrance exams together! We could even be roommates! Who'd want a dorm when I could share an apartment with you?”

Something affectionate joins the quiet joy in Natsume's expression and he warms with it. The wind picks up, and blows a small leaf into his hair. Satoru doesn't say anything. He hopes it stays there.

“I'd like that,” Natsume says, pretty even with the piece of green in his hair. 

“So, the thing is,” Satoru explains, pacing slowly from one end of the room to the other, “I have this friend. And he—they—they're like, probably the best ever. The best ever. You know?”

The voice on the other end of the phone sighs patiently. “Okay.”

“Okay. So, it's possible that, I kind of—you know—I'm kind of—like, ridiculously in love with them.”

Saying the words out loud makes his whole face burn and Satoru buries it in his free hand, even though he's alone in his bedroom with the door firmly shut and the blinds drawn. There are no outside witnesses around for this confession; only an older brother, sworn to secrecy and silence.

“Go on,” Kiyoshi nudges, not unkindly.

“But the thing is—the thing is, I don't think I'm ever gonna tell them that,” Satoru says slowly. His face is still cradled against his palm, the grip on his cellphone turning white-knuckled. “And that kind of sucks.”

Kiyoshi is quiet for what feels like a long time. If not for the soft, tinny music Satoru can hear behind him, he would feel a little abandoned in the silence. His heart is a lump in the bottom of his throat.

“Do you want my advice?” his brother asks in a soft tone.

“No,” Satoru replies quickly. “No advice. Just—”

“Yeah,” Kiyoshi says, “okay.” His voice is more gentle and more fond, now, the way it always was when Satoru was much, much younger. For all that Kiyoshi is a hundred miles away at university, this is the closest Satoru has felt to him in a long time. “That really sucks, little brother.”

It surprises Satoru into grinning, albeit a little wetly. He rubs his eyes, then finally drops his hand, and flops backwards onto his bed.

“Thanks, bro.”

“But you know,” Kiyoshi adds carefully, “he wouldn't hate you if you told him. You know that, right?”

“I know,” Satoru says. And he does. He could upset this friendship they've built and shove a bunch of selfish feelings at him and Natsume would still be as kind, as accepting of Satoru as he's always been.

But he doesn't deserve that.

They're about to take a big step, moving away into the wider world—and it's big for both of them, but its huge for Natsume. This is the first time he's ever left on his own terms, the first time he's had a home to leave behind that he'll miss, and he's already looking over his shoulder before he's even gone. Already missing it before he's had a chance to try anything new.

Now, of all times, Natsume needs something tried and true, something to fall back on when he starts to falter. He deserves to be happy, and safe in his happiness, with people he can count on to not go springing heavy confessions on him at the worst possible opportunities.

So.

At the end of the day, this is fine. This is good. Satoru really just wants to be what Natsume needs, whatever he needs. His dumb crush can sit on the back of the shelf and collect dust for the rest of his life for all he cares. But—

“I just,” he says lamely, “wanted to say it.”

“I understand,” Kiyoshi replies. And it sounds like he does. 

He's late, and his sneakers slap across the wet sidewalk as he runs. It's finally raining, just as the heavy gray clouds looming across the sky all day promised, and Satoru was supposed to meet Natsume at the bus depot ten minutes ago.

They're going to the city, to stay with his friend Shibata. There's a mock exam tomorrow for the university they've decided on, and Kiyoshi insisted they should go try their luck and see where they need to improve.

The rain is coming down in sheets, but Satoru can see his friend clearly as he rounds the corner. The street is otherwise deserted, and Natsume's fair hair and white umbrella stand out like a tiny beacon, and Satoru smiles across the street at him, opening his mouth around Natsume's name.

He stops.

His mouth clips shut.

Natsume is laughing, his open umbrella on the ground by his feet. He lifts his hands, fingers spreading open, arms stretching up and out on either side of him, and the rain falls around him in a wide dome. The ground at his feet is dry, the weeds tucked between cracks in the pavement waving briskly in the wind.

His ugly cat sees Satoru first. It blinks, unhurried, and considers him for a long moment with that expression of smiling disdain ingrained in all cats everywhere. Then its smile becomes more of a sneer, and—and impossibly, it speaks. 

“Good luck explaining this away, Natsume.”

Natsume looks down at the cat with a frown, and then looks up, directly at Satoru. Their eyes meet, and in an instant Natsume's laughter disappears. The bubble of dry air around him seems to pop, and rain pours down on him as immediately as a faucet turned on above his head.

At some point, Satoru dropped his own umbrella. The cold feeling of water soaking through his hair and dripping down his face is secondary and far away.

Natsume moves a step forward with jerky, anxious motions. His face is white with fear. “I—I can—Nishimura, listen. What you saw—I can explain it. Please.” 

Satoru stares at this boy he knows so well, at the cat he's carried around in his arms when it refused to walk in the heat, at the rain around them that's beginning to balloon up and away again—as though something big and invisible is standing above and over Natsume, giving him shelter.

Satoru stares, and slowly shakes his head. His breath trembles. Natsume's expression is impossible to look at, so he closes his eyes. And he hides there, in the darkness behind his eyelids, as he says, very quietly, “No.”

[rktxshi-blog]

☠ ` Nova Call Back

Performing self-composed: Song 0:18-1:35 Dated: 05/06/17 |Private Audition

Each performance has an inspiration. Every performer has a muse. For Toshi, it was the women in his life, who he had to thank for this piece. A very special woman in particular. But no one would know who it is, not until she hears it herself of course, not unless he’ll allow himself to tell her. 

Working in Warner’s Studios, left him little imagination on what to expect when entering Nova’s building. The late teen didn’t think the interiors and building itself wasn’t impressive, it was more that his expectation on what top entertainment agency facility would look like is clearly met. Walking calmly to his directed destination, the aura of legacy’s left behind and current undeniable talents are more imposing than the actual building itself. 

Shaking his head, the half Japanese shoved aside what could potentially be mind blanking thoughts. The last thing he needs is to choke on this performance because he was too intimidated by the company’s portfolio. He was there because the obviously saw something in him, now he must deliver.

With that thought in mind and the mannerisms instilled in Japanese culture, he stepped into the room in almost a business-like manner. “My name is Adachi Yuto, although Toshi would do. I’m currently on my second year in SNU as a Biophysics.” His almost rigid exterior broken by a charming smile. “I know very academic, but I hope my audition would show a cooler side of me.” 

The rhythm is smooth; Nova is known for talented dance based skills. Toshi didn’t perform a dance.

너무 지나쳐 휘어지는 굴곡이 너무 지나쳐 올라간 치마 길이 너무 지나쳐 내려가는 나의 시선이 지나쳐

His performance contained a serene, steady, rhythm that suited his rapping style and easily complimented his singing. His usually deep, husky voice, easing into high notes so naturally, that it would make his best friends proud and his sister laugh. 

너의 발길을 멈추기엔 나의 평범함이 너무 지나쳐 니가 소리 내는 하이힐 킥 주위엔 검은 제비들 높이가 너무 지나쳐 일정한 걸음걸이 난 나른하고 싶지만

He performed with an English song during the TRC open stage. He could have performed with a Japanese song. That might have given this whole audition another vibe completely. But choosing to go with Korean, a performance in the local language is nothing new for the judges yet it’s a challenge for him. If anything, Toshi came here for that challenge. 

Can I get a oh yeah oh yeah 넌 too much but I like it ok her dance is too much but I like it 봄이 코끝을 스치듯 넌 날 지나쳐 yeah

Then again, English catch phrases are the selling point for international fans. He doesn’t hide the cheeky grin from the judges, or the satisfied glint in his eyes. But it wasn’t until that moment, did he realize just how much he wanted to actually a part of this industry. He humbly bid his farewell. 

Frighten and almost utterly stunned with his inner epiphany. Music was supposed to be his hobby. Science is his first love. Yet here he was almost unknowingly but willingly creating a new path through music and performing arts. Toshi needed a drink. He needed one, at 10’o clock on a Tuesday morning.

God, maybe he just needed more sleep.