#actually when I think of people getting upset when you misgender them it's always cis pp

[confused-disaster32]

"Omg trans people get soooo upset when i misgender them ON ACCIDENT and then get all aggressive!" Um, no they fucking don't. I have literally never met/seen/heard of a trans person who will get mad at u misgendering them on accident. literally, I (along with pretty much any trans person ik) will just ask u to use the right pronouns - like, will I get annoyed? Sometimes - especially if I'm having a bad day - but like, no one is shouting at you. If they're shouting at you or being "aggressive" then maybe you should start thinking about what *you've* done wrong or maybe if you're just fucking lying.

[genderqueerdykes]

I really appreciate your posts and would like to ask about something. I live in a country which language is heavily 'grammaticaly gendered' (every verb etc. has masculine and feminine form) which means I'm always aware that people misgender me (I'm not out and now I can't change it). I should find a job because it'd be a first step towards my transition but I'm anxious. When I was studying it was possible to talk to people as little as possible and be mostly alone. As sad as it sounds, I prefered being alone than making fake friends, enduring misgendering etc. But I know that at work I couldn't barely talk to anyone. Apart from talking about work, some people also want to chat during breaks, or talk about their private life etc. I'm worried because I know that more socialising will make my dysphoria worse and will negatively impact my mental health. I don't know how to navigate this situation and I don't have any 'safe space' where I can be out.

i've studied a few languages that have heavily gendered language- i studied german for a while in college and i was very taken aback by the gender structure within the language (which is even more complicated in german because there is also a neuter (neutral) gender as well). it leads to very confusing situations where one must remember the gendered particles to go along with the gendered nouns and it can be very uncomfortable at times when you're trans, gnc or even when you're cis

i actually understand what you mean about feeling like you'd rather have no friends than friends who will purposefully misgender you and not respect your identity. that's where i'm at right now. i was living with some EXTREMELY transandrophobic people for quite a while and it made me not want to be as willing to make friends unless i know for sure that person is not going to be awful about transmascs and trans men. i've met so many people who think i'm super cool and then i'll be sitting there having a conversation with them and they will go off about how horrible transmascs and trans men are, i will encounter gay men who complain about how vaginas and breasts are gross and they'd never like them because they're gay, i encounter a lot of people who get nervous when they find out someone is on testosterone and begin to judge- there can be a lot of issues when it comes to someone else's internalized prejudiced when you are just trying to live your life

there are many people who understand your struggle about not being able to be safely out and yourself. i am very fortunate to be able to be out in my IRL life, I know many, many people do not have this privilege. it's definitely very hard to not be able to find someone in your local community, safely, to be yourself around. this may not yield much, but it may be worth seeing if there are any online groups for queer people in your area (Facebook groups, instagram communities, and so on). i know it's not the same as going somewhere irl, but it can be helpful. if this is also not an option, i'm very sorry

i know it's hard to get a job when you know you won't be referred to correctly. it bothered me a lot when i was working my first job. people would be very defensive about my own gender and get upset when i referred to myself as a guy. i would get aggressively she/her'd whenever i would express my masculinity. i would have people insisting that i'm a woman at all times even though i knew who i was on the inside. my gender became a point of focus for a lot of my customers and it was exhausting

i would say if you genuinely need to collect your wits and preserve your mental health, forcing yourself to socialize right away may not be a good idea. it may be a good idea to try to find ways to be yourself in your personal time, when you are alone. whether that includes talking to online queer friends/groups, or dressing/acting/behaving the way you want to when you are completely alone, it's a start. i would be curious to see if anyone who is in a situation similar to this anon would be able to lend some advice.

please let us know if you have any tips for this anon. i hope you are able to feel a bit more like yourself soon. i'm sorry that things are so tough for you right now. best of luck, take care of yourself for now. feel free to ask any more questions you may have

[pretty-little-martyr]

for some reason am remembering the episode from the 2003 show Dead Like Me that featured 2003's best case scenario at having cis people write a trans woman and how much I genuinely enjoyed that episode. the premise of the show for anyone not familiar (which is probably everyone) was that Grim Reapers were real, were the recently deceased who were randomly picked for the job, and had to individually collect people once they died and pass them on to whatever personal heaven they'd envisioned. the Reapers often aren't given much info about who is going to die and therefore have to talk to people around them to learn the name of the to-be-deceased. and that episode takes place in the lobby of a plastic surgeons office where there's a bunch of ladies and One Dude (character is actually a trans woman, but played by a cis man because. y'know. 2003 American cable television.). she's there to get all of the surgeries done at once (not how that works .... again, 2003 cis writers) to finally "transform into the woman she was always meant to be" [paraphrased] and it always really stuck with me because 1) the actors performance was so .. genuine. she was excited to be there because she had waited her whole life to do this. and she wasn't very young either. 30 or 40 perhaps. an extremely convincing and earnest performance from a presumably cis man. 2) the show handled her with genuine grace. it wasn't funny that she was in there, it was funny that our main character George (cis girl who goes by that name, very interesting from a trans angle as well) was like "why's a dude in here" before learning that the character was not a man just "looked like one." 3) it treated her subsequent death as a genuine tragedy. the thing is with each of the humans we get introduced to we know they're gonna die. and for the most part the deaths are silly and bizarre—one dude slips on a banana peel and gets his neck broken by a revolving door, one person drowns to death under a water cooler, etc—but this one wasn't. I don't actually remember how she died because I can't find the goddamned show anywhere and you can't buy it, either, it got canned after 2 seasons anyway, but I remember George being genuinely heartbroken that the trans woman didn't get to live the life she wanted to. and it's of course all quite clumsy and inept because it's 2003 and they clearly either didn't have a trans person in the writing room or one of the writers mayhap didn't know they're trans yet, I have no idea, but in light of how many frankly disgusting portrayals of trans people and trans women in particular I saw on TV growing up that one has always stuck with me for the tender and serious way the subject was handled.

there's probably an entire essay to be had about both that whole episode and a transmasc reading of George. that show wasn't one that cracked my egg I don't think, because when I first saw it I was too young to parse the idea (I was somewhere between 10 and 13), but it was my first introduction to the idea of being trans. I rewatched it in 2019 when it was briefly on Amazon because my college email acct gave me free Prime Streaming and god the episode hit me like a truck. I'm pretty sure I cried. I want to watch it again and really dissect it because its lack of mockery in a time when it was very much in vogue to mock trans women fascinates me.

im also pretty sure I remember that after the woman passed, the other Reapers misgender her casually because again, 2003, they're acting like she wasn't a woman yet, but I think George notably doesn't. I may be misremembering though. I do remember George being deeply, deeply upset by the unfairness of her death though.

[mouseratz]

turns out even fully accidental constant misgendering in your home will eventually make you crack a bit. I was doing so good, too.....

...but eventually I will always start to feel sorry for burdening others with my existence and for asking for anything. I can't ever say "I deserve better and it's understandable to be upset"; instead I say "they deserve better than to be forced to have to put up with my gender bullshit". nobody's actually forcing them it is a basic respect to ask for. I never expected perfection, and I still get less than expected. I don't want to be called a woman, either, and that also feels like a Gigantic Ask, a Huge Burden to put on cis traditionally-minded family and friends.

I still think back, about the way people I knew ridiculed the GameStop woman for getting angry. I don't want to be angry, it looks bad on us; I'm the only trans person they know, if I act "unreasonable", they'll assume it of every future trans person they meet. I can't say, "I understand why she got so mad, I've had days that bad, and she deserved to be treated better, and it's not funny at all", or they'll say I'm too political and unfairly harsh.

So I say sorry for not being "easier" about it, that it doesn't roll off my back no sweat when it's someone I know and care about and cares about me. It does bother me. I don't want it to. I want to ignore it as much as they do, I KNOW it was just a little thing, believe me. I know. I know it makes everything harder. But I have to keep asking.

[sunnyuto]

I feel like I don’t have much to contribute here because I do willingly present as my agab and use the associated pronouns in most situations. That said, forgive me if this isn’t well articulated, it’s mostly stream of consciousness:

There seems to be this belief that non-binary people have to be accepting of enbyphobic behavior and misgendering moreso than binary trans folks, because of the way we exist in between or external to the gender binary. That “people” (meaning, the cishets) can understand transitioning from one gender to the other but that identifying outside of the binary is simply too complex for them to grasp, as if “people’s” understanding of our gender is the end-all-be-all of determining who gets respect. That we’re always going to get sorted into a binary category and shouldn’t get upset that people don’t gender us correctly at first glance when we look one way or the other.

And while this occurs for androgynous non-binary folks too, it’s even more prevalent for those of us that aren’t androgynous or obviously outwardly trans. I haven’t been closeted in 7 years, but I still present as my agab and use my original pronouns in almost every setting. I have no plans to pursue hormones or surgery - the extent of my medical transition is birth control to stop my period, which I will someday have to stop taking because I do want to have biological children. And these are choices I’ve made! The choice to not repeatedly come out to every single person I meet, the choice to wear dresses and show off my tits, the choice to knowingly return to a state of dysphoria to participate in a heavily gendered bodily function. These are all choices that I consciously made, but there’s a pervasive misbelief that they’re actually just inevitabilities. That non-binary is a phase and everyone either ultimately transitions along the binary or goes back to being cis.

And that’s really the root of the problem, and it’s something that I think other identities outside of the binary experience as well. I know I also see the same rhetoric about bi/pan folks and about ace/aro folks! I myself have mostly stopped using both the label pansexual and the label non-binary in favor of just calling myself queer because I’m frankly sick of these parts of my identity thought of as temporary by my own community. No one questions you when you say you’re queer.

There are two (2) people in my life that actually use they/them pronouns for me all the time except in situations where they’ve been asked not to, and you, Jaz, are one of them. I’m never going to get proper pronouns from my family or at work, and that’s something I’ve accepted, but damn if it doesn’t suck that I have to sacrifice that little bit of euphoria to placate “people” who simply will never understand. It’s exhausting to have to constantly fight with people about my identity because they see me “not transitioning” and decide that my identity and my pronouns aren’t things they need to respect because I’m obviously not serious if I’m not doing anything about it.

❗️❗️ This is asked entirely in good faith. This post is intended to open dialogue and help with solidarity and understanding. ❗️❗️

I would like to hear specifically from nonbinary people how the system of exorsexism/enbyphobia uniquely targets and affects you. Things that you feel other demographics do not experience. Reblogs and replies are very encouraged! If you would prefer, you could dm or send an ask to be added anonymously by me.

This is in the spirit of wanting to understand. I am listening. I encourage all binary trans people to not speak on this topic and let nonbinary people do the talking here. Reblog the post to spread it, but please say nothing.

Any and all people who identify as nonbinary are encouraged to participate. This is not agab-locked. If you are agender, trans neutral/neutrois, genderfluid, bigender, trigender, multigender, xenogender, genderqueer, third gender, two spirit, or any other gender not wholey contained within the strict binary of "man" or "woman", this post is for you. Even if you have already posted on the trans fem or trans masc versions, if you are nonbinary, you are welcome here.

This is not bait to start a fight. I will block without hesitation anyone who is actively being a shithead on this post. I want to hear and uplift your voices by getting it directly from you.

Click this to access the trans fem and trans women version of this post.

Click this to access the trans masc and trans men version of this post.

[twiceblackvelvet]

hi guys.

i wanted to address some things that have recently been going on that some of you may have an idea about or you may not know at all, i’m unsure.

it came to my attention a little while ago that someone here had decided to speak negatively toward and about me to other creators as well as on other platforms. they have made up lies, and accused me of things that are not true. i’m only now ready to talk about it.

usually, i wouldn’t give it a second thought, or care really. but, the things that have been said about me are simply false, and it is being said in a manner that is manipulative. not only that, but it has become obsessive almost and is uncomfortable for me.

this person has claimed in private direct messages which i have seen that i am someone who will attack others using the anonymous feature on this app, and that i have a group of others who do the same thing.

as most of you should be aware by now, i’m incredibly outspoken and arguably should learn to just be quiet sometimes, so why anyone would ever believe i need to hide who i am to say what i want is redundant.

i also have made it a point on several occasions to say that i strongly disapprove of anyone who does attack or say harmful things toward others, and unfortunately that is as much as i can do.

if people after i have said that choose to send anything negative it is out of my control, however what i would say to whoever has done that is that i am extremely uncomfortable with it, and i would like for you to stop.

but the point is, that is a lie.

another thing that has been said about me is that i am transphobic, have made transphobia worse within the community or have attempted to dictate what is or is not transphobic.

this one took me a little bit longer to digest than everything else because not only is it incorrect but it is also a very hurtful thing to say.

i would also like to add this is from someone who is also cis (as am i) thus as i have always said in regards to myself, this person can’t say what is or isn’t transphobic unless it is blatant, which disproves the last part of their lie about me dictating what is or isnt transphobic.

i also think it is extremely short sighted to say that i am personally responsible for anything getting worse when in reality, i simply do not allow anyone within my space to express such disgusting opinions and choose to hold people accountable.

granted people over time have said that is bullying or i have received threats against me for doing so, but i would rather try and deplatform people with these views instead of just staying silent.

this person has expressed this kind of opinion in a manner that is 1. without proof because there isn’t any. but also 2. in an emotionally manipulative way where if you don’t believe what she is saying, she will become mad.

this person has also decided to seemingly blame me for anything that has gone wrong for them, which is where the obsession comes in and it is genuinely disturbing for me. even to go as far as to get upset because i am supposedly seen as a “good ally” while she is not.

however, i would suggest focusing on actually being a good ally instead of getting upset that people hold that opinion of me. but her actions since this have proved she is not that good of any ally anyway. it was just earlier this week that she agreed with someone purposefully misgendering someone for example.

the truth of it is, this person blew up their own friendships on this app by saying something that was incredibly harmful, disrespectful and incorrect which she is now trying to cover up. instead of apologising, she has doubled down further on this kind of behaviour and begun a very strange agenda against not just me but others here.

so, with that being said. you can hold whatever opinion you want of me, you can even blame me for everything going wrong in your life if you want. but what i won’t let you do is lie on my name, or disrespect my friends.

you know who you are, and you are a disgusting individual. the level in which you are willing to go to over some petty tumblr beef is just vile, and i sincerely hope you grow up very soon and stop trying to manipulate everyone around you into disliking whoever it is you dislike this week.

[lobstercardigan]

Long post warning lol!!! Just putting my thoughts about unique / ryder / trans issues in glee out there :0

Okay so time for me to ask why does everyone hate ryder so bad or is that just on glee twt . Cause I really don’t understand LOL ? Like yeah he was an asshole to unique but do y’all not understand that twitter and real life aren’t the same thing ?? And in terms of trans issues, So much changes year by year… you can see it even from season 3 to season 6 of the show with how unique is treated versus beiste.

Not everyone understands right away but he Did come around didn’t he? Honestly as a trans person the more upsetting thing to me is how throughout the entire show they continue to refer to her as a cross-dresser (or cross-dressing Mercedes……..) like? Oh or kitty making that comment about how “there’s nothing scarier than a girl with a penis” lol… the way unique was treated in general was Horrific marley was literally the only person who was actively trying to support her and help her :/ don’t get me started on the end of twerk lmfao can I tell you how triggering it is to me for them to make a “joke” out of trans people being unable to use the bathroom or being harassed / abused in bathrooms? To make her use a fucking porta potty because….. because mr schue wants to defend the kids’ right to twerk?????!!?????? Help….

Unique’s whole character is really the only issue I have with glee being “problematic” because like… I mean it’s satire that was kinda the point of the show? But the writers don’t understand that making gay jokes is Not the same as … blatant transphobia? Even with beiste they give sue those “spare us the details of the literal sausage making” and “newly boobless” lines ?? Like hey yeah actually I know sue’s whole purpose in the show is being a dick but god.

Unique is deadnamed and misgendered throughout a big portion of the show and I really wish they would’ve resolved it with kurt especially? Like they just keep calling unique an “alter ego” when she says like it’s not just a stage name it’s who I am and kurt and mercedes are like ah yes He . Which like again I’m not saying that to make it seem like they’re transphobic or anything I just think if they were gonna tackle that issue on the show they should’ve like made it an actual educational moment and not just “haha funny trans person butt of the joke again.”

I do think they handled beiste’s transition pretty well other than the fact that it was just like surgery is just in and out super quick recovery back to work LOL but the whole last season was super rushed so I get it and I think his coming out and specifically how Sam handled it were REALLY good!! Like genuinely I’m a trans guy and I was rewatching the episode where he comes out to Sue and Sam last night and I was like Wow that’s almost word for word how I came out?! And I genuinely really love the way Sam is about it like him wanting to make sure he says the right things and wanting to have guy talk and making that big list of pronouns to ask about when he’d probably never even heard of neos before that…. 🥺🥺🥺

But anyways my point in saying all this is that I don’t quite get why everyone chooses to only hate ryder when pretty much everyone on the show made transphobic comments at one point or another 🤷‍♂️ I think saying “hey I don’t really understand but I support you and I’ll do my best to learn” is actually a very good and honest response. People are afraid of what they don’t understand and things that are new to them Especially 15 year old boys lol??? I don’t think it’s fair to write off someone’s whole character because of one “problematic” thing like… I’m sure most of y’all cis people who go so hard against him were not always so understanding And like . Why are you speaking on it anyways lmfao you don’t get it either? This whole idea of like “canceling” people for not understanding things just keeps the cycle going. If you give people a space to ask questions and try to learn without shaming them, most of the time they’ll listen. I dunno these are just my thoughts 🧐🧐 Thank you for tuning in

[supernowa-art]

i got angry. and when i get angry, i rant. and when i rant, i need to share the rant with the void of social media, just to have an outlet.

if you don't agree with me, i don't care. not looking for discourse.

i watched this video, for context. literally no one cares but idk

https://youtu.be/5uaJ1XyRwrU

Ok this is about to be long so bear with me.

To begin with, why are we still gatekeeping? It's 2020. Queers should stick together instead of debating who's identity is "valid" or not. Let people be who they want to be.

Also, I don't know what your views on trans people are (think you've made videos with trans folk so I'm guessing you're not intentionally being transphobic), but the preferred pronoun law is actually meant to PROTECT trans people. Which is fucking needed. In 2020 alone there have been at least 36 people killed in the US for being trans. There are probably a lot more, considering murdered trans people often get misgendered by the cops and the statistics don't include them. World wide, more than 3000 trans folk have been murdered for being trans in the last 11 years. And again, there's surely a lot more we don't know about.

The preferred pronoun law that you mock is life saving. It keeps trans people from being outed where it would be dangerous to be outed. Most trans people are killed by someone they know. Yes, the law is there to provide an encitement to use trans folk's correct pronouns because it can induce extreme dysphoria to be misgendered, but more importantly, it's there so a trans person's coworker or boss is less likely to mis-gender them and out them.

And the part where you said you can get a fine for misgendering when you make an honest mistake; no, you can't. At least, that's not what the law is for. The law is for repeated misgendering, demanding license or medical proof that you are biologically the gender you identify as, etc.

As you may have already guessed by my passion for this topic, I am myself trans. Non-binary, to be precise.

Now, I know that we as humans love to label things. I love to label things. I love labeling myself! I like knowing other people's labels! When someone identifies as merely "queer", I get this itchy feeling of: "yeah, but what ARE you?"

I get wanting to label things. What I do NOT get is aggresively stating that someone's identity is invalid. Identifying as simply "queer" is fine! If that's what you resonate with, go for it! Does it irk me that I don't know what that means exactly for you? Yes. Does my inherent need to categorise people start shouting for attention? Absolutely. But it's their identity, and that's cool! It is really none of my business, as long as I know what pronouns to use.

Now, I understand the confusion and anger around this. Before I came out as or even knew I was non-binary, I identified as a lesbian. Love being a lesbian! It's great! I really identified with that term, and I still do.

But then I realised I was trans, and thought hey, I'm not a woman, can I still label myself as a lesbian? Should I just say I identify as "attracted to women"? Say I'm gynosexual and confuse everyone including myself?

I went with just calling myself a lesbian, because that is the term I've used about myself for years. When you said that this word is very important to some people, you were right. Where you were wrong, however, was when you implied that it isn't hugely important to us, too.

Because here's the thing: gender and sex are not the same thing, and more importantly, gender and what pronouns you prefer are not always directly correlated. I know this might confuse you. That's totally fine! I'm confused about everything almost all the time, I feel you! But it is how many trans people feel. I get this tingly awesome feeling when someone refers to me as he/him, because I want to be percieved as masculine. I don't feel like a man, but I want to be seen as masculine or androgynous. I use they/them pronouns, because it's easier than explaining that sometimes I want to be called him, but sometimes not, and basically explain my entire gender to someone.

I understand this feels threatening. It feels like someone is taking away your identity that means so much to you, and that you might have endured a lot of hardship for having.

But remember, us trans people have gone through shit, too. I don't mean to in any way compare the two struggles. I don't want to sit here and say "we have it worse", because really, it doesn't really matter. What matters is this: I get misgendered every day. When you're a binary trans, you can pass for being cis and automatically be called what you want. That will never happen for me. Unless someone asks me my pronouns (which is the best, try it), they are going to assume I'm a female. And I don't blame them! I see boobs, I think girl, too.

Now, imagine you have struggled with figuring out yourself for a long time, and you finally, finally find what you are. What you identify with. And then someone says that you can't identify as that, because you don't fit the mould. News flash, I never fit the mould anywhere, ever! The one place I have always felt safe and happy is within the queer community. And that's why gatekeeping fucks me up so much. Because people like me, who have been the weirdo all their life, hating their body and not knowing why, being confused and scared, not daring to come out, not wanting to draw attention to myself, finally find a place to belong. And then you get shut down. It feels awful.

Explaining that gender and pronouns don't have a direct correlation is hard. Because you can't really explain it. It's just a statement. Like: gender and sex aren't the same thing, but even harder, since it's based on experiences and not the fact that is: trans people excist.

Now, I know that this might have been focused more on cis women who use the pronouns he/him. And yes, like you said, pronouns do indeed give a big indication on what gender identity someone has. But it doesn't HAVE to. They might have a weird or bad relationship with their femininity for various reasons, or they might just feel like a woman but not identify with the female pronouns.

For example, I have a gender I know what my feels like. But I can't explain it for the life of me. Try explaining your gender in detail! It's a lot harder than you think, and it gets even harder to explain when the words aren't even invented.

A he/him lesbian is not a man trying to make fun of your identity, I promise. It's someone who either doesn't have any other word to use (like me), feels a strong connection to the word and associated identity (also me), or a woman who doesn't want to be labeled as she/her for various reasons, but who is attracted to other women. We are not here to shit on your identity! Please don't shi on ours!

I know that probably no one will read this absolute monster of a comment, and that's ok. I got so upset I actually teared up a little bit, so I felt like I had to express myself or I would be thinking about it indefinitely.

Please, if anyone's reading: be respectful. Understand that understanding others is hella difficult, but we have to try, and that both gender and sexuality is very fluid and complicated.

I tried to be as respectful as possible, please have the same courtesy if you intend to commt on my comment, so to speak.

Sad but hopeful lesbian signing off!

[eeriefeelingsat3amuwu]

Oc’s

Nina Heath

Skin tone: dark

Eye color: blue

Hair: curly, dark brown with a blue ombre

Height: 158cm

Weight: 90kg

Age: 23

Gender: nonbinary

Sexuality: bisexual

Details: vitiligo on their left shoulder/right hip/stomach/back/over the left eye, eyebrow piercing, nose ring, lip ring, ears pierced all the way up, sleeve tattoos on both arms, tattoos all over their body (thighs, ankles, torso, back, calves,...)

Personality: confident, chaotic good, gremlin, dumb but kinda smart, loyal, would kill for their friends, would kill their friends, angry, smol and chubby, disastrous bisexual, scary, yell-a-lot, bunnies!, strong, caring

Hobbies: baking, crocheting, arguing, painting nails, reading (but their head hurts), cuddling, kissing, calming their girlfriend down, Fighting with people who hurt their friends/girlfriend (is totaly the embodiment of:

Nina: You made Sophia cry!

Tray: Sophia always cries!

Sophia, crying: That’s not true...)

Hates: dysphoria, homophobes, transphobes, Karens, birds, tall people who make fun of them, their glasses (but their head hurts if they don’t wear them), contacts (but their head hurts if they don’t wear them), headaches

Job: baker

Sophia Georgening

Skin tone: caramel

Eye color: green

Hair: really messy,straight (unlike her), bob cut with a triangle undercut at the back if her head, ginger

Height: 186cm

Weight: 78kg

Age: 24

Gender: cis woman

Sexuality: lesbian

Details: freckles all over her face and shoulders, bushy eyebrows with an eyebrow cut in the left one, tongue piercing, tattoo of a Phoenix on her back between the shoulder blades, Nina and a heart tattooed on her right bicep, ripped (seriously, she’s buff, she has abs, biceps, triceps, she could crush a melon with her thighs, the CaLvEs,...), wears her hair tied up in a messy bun almost 90% of the time, vegetarian and whenever she eats a product that came from an Animal like milk or an egg, she apologizes to said animal

Personality: calm, thoughtful, lawful good, a TrEe, loving, caring, silent, secretly anxious, strict, tidy, colected, extremely smart but almost never shows it, a bottom, sensitive, crybaby

Hobbies: blacksmithing, archery (but she never shoots at living targets and cries when she needs to shoot at plastic animals), working out, running, kickboxing (even tho she apologizes to her oponent afterwards), helping people out, petting animals, kissing, cuddling

Hates: sad movies, Animal cruelty, mean people, social interactions (but she’s good at hiding it), not much else, she thinks that everyone deserves another chance and that all people have some good in them

Job: works in a flower shop, part time blacksmith/gym trainer

Tray Black

Skin tone: light

Eye color: yellow

Hair: short, bright blue

Height: 175cm

Weight: 69kg

Age: 20

Gender: genderflux (using all pronouns, mostly they/them, so they’ll be refered to as such while description is going on)

Sexuality: asexual panromantic

Details: nose ring (changes up every day), extravagant earrings, sleeve tattoo on their right arm, a snake tattooed around their left thigh, colorful/black clothing (they either look like a neon paint bomb or as a black hole), they rarely bind but pack rather often (bottom dysphoria is worse then the top one), a lot of rings and bracelets (you always know when they’re near since you hear clanking), hats, always wearing earphones

Personality: they’re really extra in every way, chill, sarcastic, funny, flegmatic, pesimistic, both love and hate attention, very competitive, potterhead but hates JK, totaly a Slytherin (and not just because of the snakes), a bit arrogant, very good leader, very very smart, good at arguments (seriously, you so don’t want to get into an argument with them, they’ll obliterate you)

Hobbies: singing, drums, gaming, playing the guitar, sketching people/sceneries, reading (mostly sci-fi/fantasy), dying hair, combining jewelry with clothes, listening to music, taking care of their pet sneks

Hates: shoping, overplayed pop songs, dogs, teeth, the summer (it’s too damn hot for them), homophobes/transphobes, J.K. Rowling, terfs, politics (the people)

Job: part time at Nina’s bakery, studying politology and sociology, in the school band

Connor Wearings

Skin tone: lightly tanned (not as pale as Tray but not as dark as Sophia)

Eye color: heterochromia - left eye is green, right eye is grey

Hair: curly, short, hazelnut brown

Height: 168cm

Weight: 64kg

Age: 21

Gender: demiboy (using he/him pronouns but not quite cis)

Sexuality: asexual, aromantic

Details: freckles. everywhere., always smiling (he’s got dimples), dressed freely (skirts, dress, pants, blouses, shirts, heels, crop tops, hoodies,...), he’s really comfortable in his body and yet he’s not fully comfortable with all that comes with it, smol bean, the cutest little pout, ALWAYS covered in paint, fingers are pernamently covered in bandaids, wears a bandana to hold his hair back while working

Personality: he’s a total sweetheart, kind, helpful, outgoing, happy-go-lucky, loving, caring, funny, always laughing/smiling, really hard to piss him off, really easy to make him upset (another embodiement of ‘he always cries), ‘Maybe I can drink my problems away’ *opens capri-sun*, dog lover, puppy-like personality, loyal

Hobbies: drawing, cooking, baking, petting animals, fluffy things!, crocheting, sewing, painting, dressing up, making tea, helping his friends, hugging, holding hands, platonic relationships

Hates: arguments, people who make fun of someone, rude people, loud music, the dark, the cold, octopuses, dark colors, unfinished jobs

Job: studying art, psychology and doing a baking course at the moment (very productive and capable), working a part-time at a convinience store and a daycare centre (the kids love him)

Abram Hayze

Skin tone: dark

Eye color: hazelnut

Hair: deep brown, curly and fluffy

Height: 197cm

Weight: 78kg

Age: 19

Gender: agender - e/em/eir/emself pronouns

Sexuality: pansexual, demiromantic

Details: e has a lot of moles all over eir body, mostly presents androgynous, yet sometimes likes to present feminine, had very unaccepting parents so whenever e is forced to go to a more profesional setting or to meet with older people, e presents masculine even though e hates it, very proud of eir hair, love to play with them when e’s nervous and try new hairstyles all the time, e never dyes it tho, piercings on both ears, piercing under the lip, piercing in the bellybutton

Personality: e is really calm, likes to think and be alone, yet also loves to spend time with eir friends, smiling a lot, always there when someone needs em, really perceptive and no one really knows how e does it, but e seems to know about a lot of stuff that other people don’t (it’s just the fact that e is very trustworthy and so a lot of people let their guard down around em), e is also really into debates, but not the political ones like Tray, eir partner, but rather ones about books, headcannons and interests, e is also really sneaky and likes to play tricks and pranks on people, especially confusing them with the food that e eats, e is chaotic good

Habbies: reading, hiding around places and letting emself be found in the most ridiculous positions, putting stuff on the top shelves when e is hanging out with eir friends (the short ones), sitting in strange places where no one knows how e got in, sleeping

Hates: homophobes/transphobes, people with no sense of humor, long waits, queues, places with a lot of people, the dark

Job: studying psychology, working part-time in a hairdressing shop

Tenzin Arish

Skin tone: slightly tanned

Eye color: purple

Hair: deep black, short (one side is totaly buzzed and the other is a bit longer) the ends are bleached and dyed (purple, blue, green, pink) depending on their mood

Height: 164cm

Weight: 58kg

Age: 22

Gender: nonbinary (xe/ xeir/ xem)

Sexuality: queer

Details: xe are really skinny and fairly androgynous, no one actually knows what xeir biological sex is and xe aren’t gonna tell anyone anytime soon, xe present androgynously, yet sometimes xe like to present masc/fem, depending on the day, xe love xeir hair and that’s why xe dye them so often, if xe don’t like the color, it can even change daily

Personality: sarcasm and irony are the two languages xe speak in, xe like coffee and practicaly live off of it, no one ever saw xem sleep, xe are always online and always awake when someone knocks on xeir door at any time (so xeir friends know that when they need a friend, xe will be awake whenever they decide to come there), xe love helping people with their mental problems yet xe never try to solve xeir own, the only other language xe speak is memes

Hobbies: taking care of stray animals, helping people out (whether it’s an old lady who needs to cross the street or a protestor who needs protection from the rubber bullets/tear gas), protesting, breaking down gender boundaries, educating people on the LGBTQ+ history, history itself, archeology, xe love caves and everything that has to do with geology

Hates: homophobes/transphobes, terfs, anyone who’s stupidly using history (especially against the LGBTQ+ comunity), plants (xe have alergies), flowers (xe think it’s overated)

Job: part-time job in a museum, studying history and geology

Okay, so I hope you enjoy...this? Please inform me if my autocorrect misgendered one of my sweethearts, I proofread it but one can never be so sure. To be clear: all of them hate transphobes/homophobes, racists, terfs, neon*zis, Tr*mp supporters and everyone else who is somehow harming people or disrespecting their rights, I just really didn’t have the willpower to write everything of this down in every Single one of the hate columns because that would mean I have to think about it and that would do me no good, because I really didn’t want to have a mental breakdown while writing about my oc’s. That’ll be all, thanks for comming to my TED talk.

Tags: @exhaustedauthor @definietlynotsatan @detroit-become-snail @nyamafriend and @ anyone who wants to read this. Bye!

[non-binharry]

Hi Asia, can I unload a bit? I've been thinking a bit about how you know when someone is like really close with their same sex friend, esp men, everyone always goes like "let men be affectionate with their friends etc without making it gay" (which is true, and necessary but not what this is about), or like when men dress feminine and everyone is like "let them experiment without making it queer" and I just??? Why is it such an insult? Why does the idea of being considered queer so unbearable to+

+you? Like, im sorry but gay, trans, those aren't insults? I'm bi and cis, but I'd never get funking offended if someone asked me if I was trans, I would just explain that I'm not? If someone said "hey i noticed you dress in a non confirming way, are you nb by any chance? (Which I dont think anyone would actually ask, but for the sake of argument) I'd be like "no sorry, that's just what I'm comfortable in" but I'd never be like,, offended? Because its not fucking offensive?? I just +

+ maybe, poeple looking and questioning if someone is queer isnt the fuckig problem, you know? If the idea of being considered queer even for a second is so unbearable to you, maybe you should sit down and have a good hard think about it. Idk if any of that made sense, but im just a bit angry, esp when I see it from people who are in the community as well

oh anon, i love you! the thing is, if you're trying to understand how to be a better ally, you have to learn how to be mindful of trans people in public spaces. for some reason, a lot of folks want to prioritize cis people to make sure they're not getting misgendered because that can be offensive. do you know what happens when trans people get misgendered? it causes us to experience psychological distress. i'm always going to push harder to make sure THAT doesn't happen than to avoid upsetting a cis person.

[prince-liest]

This has been building up in me for a hot minute, so poke under the cut for discussion of Gender Feelings on main if you’re interested. CW: Talk of my experiences with misgendering, and also I use the term “queer” a number of times (not as a slur, but I know it bothers some people, so please be aware).

So, the interesting thing for me wrt queer identity is that saying, like, “I’m gay / I’m a lesbian,” has only been a source of anxiety for me when it comes to my (kind but conservative Soviet) family and perhaps other figures of authority with power over me who I specifically suspected might not be cool about it. It sure meant a hell of a lot to me to figure out that I was gay after spending 22 years of my life (minus pre-sapience) under the assumption that I’m attracted to me, but... nowhere near the level of anxiety that talking about being nonbinary (more specifically agender) gives me. And this is 100% because, to my perception, people don't have a hard time understanding gayness. Like, it's the easiest queer identity for literally anyone to Get (TM). Even bi people get more shit from the biphobic, "Just PICK A SIDE!" contingent on that front.

But, like, nonbinary identities? Are the exact opposite of that experience in the sense that people Don't Get It and very frequently think it's hilarious bullshit that no real, sane person could possibly subscribe to. The number of otherwise kind and considerate people who have made attack helicopter or neopronoun jokes around me specifically because it never occurred to them to take nonbinary identities seriously is truly impressive, and even binary trans people can completely fail to take nonbinary identities seriously (often especially binary trans people, if they have strong feelings about the relationship between trans identity, body dysmorphia, and medical transition).

This actually made it really hard to even take myself seriously. It literally has not been until probably some point between getting my hair cut this month and now that I managed to convince myself that I'm, yeah, this isn't a phase and I'm not doing it for the attention and the things I feel actually, like... exist. Even though  I've been gleefully "hiding" my gender or enjoying being mistaken for not-a-girl since literally elementary school! Especially since my dysphoria is primarily social and I'm painfully aware that people look at me, the way I appear, the fact that I will call myself a lesbian, my mannerisms, and think, "If it walks like a girl and talks like a girl..." Maybe the situation would be different if I had a body type with even a ghost of a chance of passing for androgynous, but I don’t.

So I've ended up, like... just, incredibly unwilling to talk to people about it if I feel even an inkling of them thinking that being nonbinary is nonsense, and not ever wanting for people to make a big deal about it, literally ever, because my expectation of "talking about it" is that always, somewhere, somehow, someone's gonna say something shitty to me. I don't want to hear about how, "Oh, of course I'm gonna mess it up, you present super femininely and that's just life," or endless apologies about my pronouns in front of strangers who I DEFINITELY don't want to overhear that conversation, or even to look at someone trying to be honestly respectful but fumbling through it in a way that I KNOW indicates that if they weren't so dedicated to being a good, woke person, they wouldn’t even be trying to perceive nonbinary genders as “real”. And this! Includes! Other queer people!

I miss being around my high school friends, because War and Car and Cindy in particular have been incredibly chill about this subject. Literally, I just got wasted one day shortly after graduating, came out as nonbinary while drunkenly tipped over in Cindy’s lap, and nobody said shit and just respected my pronouns ever since, which was exactly what I needed because I aggressively didn't want to talk about it. And now I'm just feeling kinda shitty and mad because I'm surrounded by people who mean well but are bad at it! And it just sucks to have this overwhelming conviction that for literally all of my med school classmates that I know of, the subject of gender identity (especially nonbinary identities) is, like... abstract. It's something to theorize, something to look at from a clinical medical perspective, something to Study How To Approach Correctly As A Future Medical Professional.

(Ironically, the thing that finally made me realize that I’ve been increasingly upset about this is some stuff that’s been said online - again, innocuous, well-meaning, but making it clear that people see me as female. I think I perceived Tumblr in particular as an incredibly queer space where I don’t need to worry, so even that blindsides me.)

I'm still not comfortable calling myself trans, because that's a term I personally associate with experiencing dysmorphia and personally speaking I have minimal dysmorphia but often significant dysphoria that is entirely social in nature. But. I can solidly say that I’m not cis, that's for sure.

At least once I have a literal medical doctorate, I can give the, “What about BIOLOGY, have you talked to a DOCTOR?” assholes the world’s biggest middle finger.

[rittz]

thoughts about being trans, idk where else to put them so here u go

it’s not like i don’t have trans guy friends to talk to about this, it’s just usually in the form of jokes or passing comments rather than an actually serious conversation. also, the transmasc people that i’m closest to identify more with the label “nonbinary” than i do-- it’s not like they couldn’t understand or relate to things i’m saying, but i’m just assuming that they probably don’t feel the exact same way i do

anyway, as a trans person we get often asked “so why do you feel like a [gender]?”, and the answer is usually some variation of “i just feel like it”. this is the most accurate but also vaguest possible answer, so i kinda wanted to break down my personal answer to that question?

basically, i identify as a man because i identify with men. in a general and also personal sense. gender stereotypes are something that trans people by necessity both embrace and reject. i relate to gender stereotypes about men more than those of women-- i’m less outwardly emotional, i like being handy, i don’t like kids, i have questionable personal hygiene, etc-- but obviously these things alone don’t make someone a man. however... you can’t deny that there is some general truth about behavioral differences between men and women (bc of society, not biology). men and women both experience different problems in the world, and each have trouble understanding the experiences and problems of the other. generally, i can relate to the experiences and problems of men more than those of women, even if it seems like i shouldn’t (for example, i am not afraid of walking alone at night, even though i am very tiny).

i, from a young age, have had a constant yearning for more male friends. i would occasionally choose to play video games as a male character. i was upset that i couldn’t be in boy scouts. i have been jealous of my younger brothers being treated by my parents the ways i wished i was treated. when i imagined myself older, i pictured myself less like my mom and more like my dad. when i’m around men, i want them to treat me like one of them. i want to be seen as a man.

and i think that’s what being trans really boils down to. wanting to be seen as someone other than how everyone sees you. wanting what you see on the outside to match how you feel on the inside. this obviously extends to nonbinary individuals, who face their own struggle when it comes to presentation. but at the end of the day, i think that presentation is equally important to gender identity as internal feelings. i mean, i think we’re all familiar with the research proving that transitioning makes trans people happier. surgery is an invasive, expensive, painful process that i DON’T think is necessary for every trans person, and HRT isn’t always easy to get. but changing a name, getting a new haircut, dressing differently, binding, etc. counts as transitioning. you don’t have to hate your body to be trans, but wanting to alter it in order to better connect your internal identity with your presentation, i think is necessary in order to consider yourself to be trans. 

i will admit i am confused by “GNC trans men” i see on tumblr and insta, who use he/him pronouns but exclusively present femininely. i’m not talking about trans guys who don’t yet pass, i mean trans guys who don’t want to. i don’t harbor any ill will, i’m just confused. if i understand being trans to mean “wanting what you see on the outside to match how you feel on the inside”, you can see how. doesn’t that make you feel dysphoric? don’t you want people who see you to read you as male? how is your life different from when you didn’t identify as male but presented the same way? this isn’t me trying to gatekeep on who’s “trans enough”, and especially when it comes to nonbinary identities it’s arbitrary to harp on presentation like this. but like, what’s going on here?

taking a turn here that will come back around, an extremely key component to why i identify as and with men is my sexuality. i have always idolized, envied, and evoked various queer icons from media and real life. the hunky, grunting, macho, hetero version of “man” never appealed to me the way that the fashionable, artsy, flirty, homo version of “man” did. drag queens, my mom’s hairdresser, glam rock stars, i could go on. associating my more feminine qualities with GAY stereotypes instead of FEMALE stereotypes suddenly made more sense, and made me feel less dysphoric. it’s also something that took me a long time to realize, because i had surrounded myself with queers who were mostly attracted to women. transmascs and butch lesbians historically have a lot in common, but personally, i didn’t relate as much to lesbians as i did to drag queens. in dating and loving men, i developed my understanding of them. but my attraction to men was why it had taken me so long to realize i felt more like a man-- i thought i was just some weird straight girl.

now, am i calling these “GNC gay trans men” with long pink hair and poofy skirts and conventionally attractive bisexual boyfriends “weird straight girls”? ...well, not to their faces. but i have to admit that i’m thinking it. these people would never go to a predominantly-male gay bar, these people would never be harassed on the street. i’m not saying i know someone’s identity better than they do, but i don’t agree with the liberal utopian ideal of “let everyone do whatever they want as long as they aren’t hurting anyone” when taken to mean that we can’t question other people’s choices. “why do you feel like a man?” is a question that, coming from another trans person, isn’t inherently transphobic. it’s not “forcing” someone to “prove” their “transness”, no one “owes” me an explanation of their identity. i’m just confused. i don’t disapprove of the way these people live their lives, i just want to know why.

a straight girl being feminine is different from a gay man being feminine, because it has less to do with personality and more to do with society’s historic view of gay men as closer to female than male because of the loving and fucking men aspect. an AMAB gay man wearing makeup and a crop top probably just wants to look good, but he is also signaling to other men that he’s gay via gender non-conformance. by being AFAB and female-passing, wearing makeup and a crop top is not GNC. in fact it’s pretty GC, and gay men will not recognize you as a gay man.

it’s easy to say “gender is fake so do whatever you want”, but like, we have to acknowledge reality. time is a social construct too, but we still use days of the week when talking to each other. strangers will treat you differently depending on what gender they interpret you as. different people will be willing to date you or not. you have to choose which public bathroom to go in. if being misgendered doesn’t bother these people, then who cares? but if it DOES, which it usually does, wouldn’t you want to take steps to prevent being misgendered in the future? if your desire to present femininely is stronger then your desire to be seen as male, then like... why call yourself a male at all? ultimately nothing these people do will really affect me in any way. it just makes me wonder if these people will eventually go on to present as male, or if they will later ID as nonbinary or even cis. i encourage people trying out different labels and exploring their identity, so it’s not like i think these people SHOULDN’T identify as trans guys. it’s more like, i wish they were able to articulate WHY they identify as trans more than “because i said so”. not wanting to be a woman doesn’t automatically make you a man, it just makes you not a woman.

maybe i’m particularly cynical because of the MULTIPLE times that people with larger online followings who identify and present this way have later turned out to be lying, manipulative people. hopefully it goes without saying that i do NOT think that everyone who identifies and presents this way is a toxic liar. the reason i bring it up is because some people genuinely can’t understand the possibility or purpose of misleadingly claiming a marginalized identity, but it can and does happen. an analogy could be made here about white people claiming indigenous heritage. we all WANT to believe what people say about themselves, and asking for “proof” is a social no-no. but we shouldn’t just... automatically trust everything someone says about themselves, right? and as bad as i WANT to live in a world where gender doesn’t matter and everyone default uses neutral pronouns and there are no divisions in clothing stores and bathrooms, we don’t live in that world (yet). when you are AFAB, /extremely/ femininely presenting, and have little to no plans of transitioning, saying “i am a man” will not make other people see you as one. and if you don’t want to be seen as a man, then maybe you aren’t one.

[bananonbinary]

ugh..

i know my mom thinks im just being stubborn, but i cant compromise on who i am as a person *any more*.

i CANT. i’m NOT. its not fair to make me pick out an honorific, to “respect her parenting choices” that says i NEED one for the kids to call me. it is NOT my fault that she’s demanding one when i would be happy without (all of her suggestions are gendered. my mom tells me “she’s trying” but i dont believe it when she clearly doesnt even grasp what nonbinary IS).

i am TIRED. of consoling cis people who misgender me, of reassuring them that theyre Good Allies and im not upset, of answering all their constant questions every time i come out to someone. i was kinda put out when my dad DIDNT ask anything, i took it as disinterest, but you know what? he was right not to. it doesnt matter for him to know everything, he just needs to accept me.

i am SICK of answering “sky” to every single time anyone addresses me by my dead name. after months. quickly correcting every single fucking pronoun thrown at me. being called ma’am in public.

i am ANGRY that the first non-trans person i thought was safe to come out to basically threw me out of church and called me abusive for it in the end.

so NO. i DON’T think i need to pick out a fucking honorific. i dont think i need to do ANY MORE unreciprocated emotional labor just to get some fucking respect from my own goddamn sister, just so that im allowed to see my nieces.

i am so goddamn exhausted and furious at the entire world expecting me to be patient, to be all smiles and soft explanations, so their precious cis feelings arent hurt and they dont have to do like, 2 seconds to google something their own damn self. if i compromise here, just make things easier for everyone else, then i cant be angry later.

and anyway, i always do that with her. with everything, not just my gender. smile and dont say anything to keep the peace, hug her shitty husband that terrifies me, always come back and be the bigger person, and i WONT. not on this one, not now that im actually out of the closet. she can be the bigger fucking person for once in her goddamn life.

[lavendulaconminatio]

Years ago I ran a blog on ace discourse: @asleepingwindow As a lesbian raised in the Catholic Church, where you can be gay just don’t act on it, I knew asexual activism had nothing to do with being gay. I know an asexual gay person is the church’s fucking wet dream. I always insisted I don’t care whether people identify that way but stop trying to say you suffer as I do as a lesbian. Stop fucking invading lgbt spaces too and making them unsafe for us! But that was a losing battle. I wonder how this time period will be seen 20-30 years from an lgbt history perspective.

Anyway, besides knowing asexual gay people are the kind of gay people straight people want, I also hated this idea that seemed to be gaining popularity about people being more oppressed simply because they weren’t seen as valid. Validity didn’t mean laws meant to protect their population, or having police see your body as human and worthy of life; they merely meant existing in popular media so people see them. There was never anything deeper than that to so called asexual oppression, which I will never think is a thing. I mean asexuality is a thing but people don’t actively hate you for not having sex, that’s a fact of fucking life. My people died by the thousands in the 80s, sometimes with only lesbians to give a shit, and some straight person says their totes oppressed because they don’t want to fuck? Yeah ok. Or if there was a basis in oppression, it was often just blatant sexism and homophobia. All men say you’re a prude for not having sex, this is nothing special, Jan.

Now years later after arguing my heart out, making a master post and closing up shop, I find myself with another side blog to combat an issue that I once again feel harms lesbians and women. Instead of being more concerned about the men that berate, beat, and kill trans women, activists are literally attacking women, especially lesbians, for not validating trans people. The level of vitriol leveled at a woman for talking about her vagina is so above and beyond any hatred for the men who have murdered trans women.

Then in some perveted irony, those same deaths are propped up as reasons to shut down women talking about sexism. Meanwhile, more women than anyone can count die every day because they are female. We don’t get the luxury of our deaths being marked a hate crime. Instead it’s domestic violence, or maybe FGM gone wrong amoung the countless other things that needlessly and horrifically kill women. And I haven’t even talked about rape.

I knew the ridiculous activism of the asexual movement would have lasting consequences but I honestly never thought the concept of validity would be taken and warped so far to try and pretend biological sex doesn’t exist and that women aren’t female just to make trans women feel better about their dysphoria. I feel immense compassion for anyone with dysphoria, I have it and struggled for a long time to figure out if I was trans or a butch lesbian. There is such an immense disconnect here about the importance of validity and what real oppression looks like. Especially when you refuse to even discuss detrans people for fear it will make you seem less valid. So their struggles don’t exist to make you feel better. Once again, all about erasing females to stroke the egos of males.

This is not the biggest issue on my plate, but it’s a recent small example of tangible consequences to prejudice. The other day I was trying to refill an opioid I have a legal prescription for but the pharmacist refused because they couldn’t find it. Despite having going through this before this woman refused to look where I suggested, and I suffered in pain for 3 days before my doctor’s office was able to tell them they had it for sure. I mean this isn’t about sexism and more about ableism (though women’s pain is often discounted more, black pain even more) In that moment, I didn’t want to be validated. I didn’t want the pharmacist to know who I am, my identity, my disabilities, I wanted her to stop judging pain patients as a whole and give me my fucking legal prescription. Every single legislation and guideline that limits opioid prescriptions are born of a prejudice against addicts and a indifference to people in pain. That pharmacist didn’t give a shit about my pain, to bother even looking, because the rules made her right and I was probably an addict anyway. That is a real tangible feeling of oppression, and like I said it’s nothing compared to other examples I just didn’t want to dig up anything more upsetting.

That is how I feel about oppression. Validity matters, representation matters, but it is not the nitty gritty of what oppression is. It’s screaming at the walls, throwing your phone, because someone with the power to judge and fuck up your life, did exactly that. And worse they feel righteous for what they did because to them you’re just a “insert slur here”. And that’s just a small nonviolent and nonlethal example.

Now unlike asexuality, I know to be trans is to be oppressed and to suffer. But you cannot lift yourself up by putting others down, you will be on a tower of dominos that can fall the moment some other group does it to you. I always said trans people obviously belonged with LGB groups because obviously bigots didn’t care if a couple was two gay men or a man and non-passing trans woman. To me it spoke to a shared history and understanding. But maybe I was wrong, maybe that doesn’t exist. I think at least the one major difference now that I can definitely see is it’s ridiculous to infer female privilege by calling us cis. One thing is for sure, LGB and trans history are not as simple as I had ignorantly assumed in the past.

I don’t want to dictate what trans life is like, I don’t want deny any adult the right to transition, I don’t have any interest in misgendering, I believe there is a difference between sex and gender. But by fucking god I will not let anyone trample on my rights, call me bitch, cunt, terf, cum dumpster, deny my oppression as a female, deny my suffering, deny my reality as a female, just so You can feel better about your body. I will not sacrifice my body at the alter of your perceptions of your body.

Society loves to say otherwise, but women don’t exist to make you feel better. We don’t exist to make men feel more like a man or for trans women to feel more like a woman. We exist for our fucking selves, leave us alone! I’m not sorry if it makes you feel less of a woman because you need to address the misogyny you have been socialized into as a male. You all reek of sexism and think being trans means you magically cannot be affected by male socialization. That is some first class Bullshit. I’m a poor disabled lesbian, and none of that erases the racial bias I was taught and raised in as a white person. I always need to be willing to confront that, and it’s no different with males. Trans or cis, all of you were raised to hate women. Own it so we can fucking get past it.

Furthermore, our society only does better when we foster discourse. Disagreeing can be enraging but it’s how you learn if your own beliefs are worth keeping or discarding. It’s how you grow. Only insecure bullies feel the need to demand loyalty, stamp out dissent, and mock their opponents than actually argue. Don’t give into this intellectual dishonesty that might be easy, feel good, gain you a moment of praise, but ultimately throws women’s liberation and equality under the bus and into a raging inferno. How dare you think your right to feel valid is more important than my right to live freely and without shame as a female.

I’m very much open to good faith discourse on this topic, but do not mistake me. I have suffered for being born with a vagina, and no male will ever get to shut me up. So the next time you want to say choke on a dick, choke on your own.

[koopakidspoink]

Danganronpa: A look at Chihiro Fujisaki

Ok ok, I understand this is probably such a tired topic, but here we go. This should be obvious, but there will be spoilers for Danganronpa Trigger Happy Havoc, please do not read if you do not want to be spoiled!

This game is truly amazing to me, and I’m shocked it took me this long to get into the series. I always loved Ace Attorney and Danganronpa has given me great joy. However, when I played for the first time, Chapter 2... bugged me for a while.

This is Chihiro Fujisaki. At first glance, it can be thought this is a very feminine character. Chihiro umfortunately falls victim as the murdered of chapter 2. The shock of the case is when everyone finds out after a body inspection, that Chihiro is male.

At first... I was very disappointed with how the game handled this. Chihiro, the shy student who I didn’t know much about, was revealed to be trans, or so I thought. Everyone threw around male pronouns as soon as they found out Chihiro had a penis. Yikes. Obviously, at first glance, I find this very VERY problematic, as your genitals do not define what gender you identify as. Many people have called this transphobia, and it may be, however, bear with me as I explain how it may not actually be what it seems. Many people say that Chihiro is a trans girl. I don’t see this to be the case. However, I also don’t see Chihiro as a cis male. I agree that Chihiro is trans, but I believe Chihiro is a trans male. Allow me to explain further.

I’ll start from before the game begins. Chihiro enters Hopes Peak Academy, although he is not out about being trans, so he is dressed femininely. I like to think at some point during Hopes Peak, Chihiro came out to his friends and eventually got his gender changed on his E-Handbook to male. Also, while the name Chihiro is often feminine, it can also be seen as unisex, so I don’t think Chihiro minded being called that. The photos that are all shown during chapter 6 are probably before Chihiro came out.

However, once the killing game began, the memories of each student were erased at Hopes Peak, meaning that Chihiro was back in the closet, and felt the need to dress femininely again to hide the fact that he is not cisgender. However, his notebook still was able to properly display his correct gender, male. Eventually, when Monukuma uses the secrets in envelopes as motives for killings, Chihiros secret is that he is trans.

You see, Chihiro is so nervous about coming out and being outed, because when he was younger, he didn’t want to dress in feminine clothes, so he dressed in masculine clothes. The other kids at school would make fun of him for this, and said he was too weak to be a boy. So as a result, he went back in to hiding in feminine clothes to avoid being bullied. If he is outed, he fears he will be bullied again, so he needs to work up the courage to come out before he’s outed.

He goes to Mondo, who he trusts and admires as a tough, masculine guy, and decides he wants to build a more masculine physique so he won’t be bullied. Mondo is jealous that Chihiro has such bravery to tell his secret and used it as a motive to improve himself, unlike Mondo who didn’t want to reveal he killed his brother. I also think Mondo is gay with Taka (come on, the two of them definitely made out in the sauna) and Mondo was jealous that Chihiro had such bravery to come out, which Mondo didn’t have. With this, Mondo killed Chihiro. However, not wanting to out Chihiro, he thought it would be best to put his body in the girls locker room.

However, when Sakura inspects the body, she finds something. I propose that Sakura found a packer in Chihiros skirt. I’m not too well versed on what a packer is, so please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong but to my knowledge a packer can be used as an artificial penis placed in ones underwear to give off the look of a penis and to basically lessen dysphoria. Sakura is shocked to find the packer and she realizes that Chihiro is trans.

I’d like to bring up one more point, and that’s Chihiros free time conversations and school mode ending. Chihiro is known as the Ultimate Programmer. Makoto mentions how programming is a male dominated field, and is interested to know who Chihiro got into it. Well, since Makoto is under the impression that Chihiro is a girl... he’s basically asking how a girl got into programming. Chihiro gets understandably very upset. For people arguing Chihiro is cis, it seems very likely he’d get more upset from the dysphoria of being called a girl, rather than just being called a girl because he’s cross dressing, no?

Also at the end of School Mode Chihiro reveals to Makoto he is a boy, but is very nervous in doing so. Also, I really don’t think a trans woman would just say they’re a boy like Chihiro does. Oh yeah, and when Chihiro makes Makoto tough his chest, he’s likely wearing a binder.

Aaaaand that’s my very lengthy argument on why I believe Chihiro is a trans male. Of course I respect everyone’s interpretation of Chihiro, but I think the explanation of Chihiro being a trans male is much less offensive than the alternative, where everyone constantly misgenders Chihiro after finding a penis.

Well, feel free to tell me what you all think, I’m open to any criticism or any rebuttals to my argument. If you made it this far thank you, I’m sorry it’s such a lengthy post.

[blackwoolncrown]

Genuine question, so I’m bi and even if I’m not out I’m still bi because I feel that attraction regardless if I’m in a relationship or not. But I recently realized I am very much non-binary, but I’m part of a very conservative, religious, middle eastern community in which I will always be perceived and treated as a woman. So, am I still non-binary? That’s not really the question I’m trying to ask. I’m just struggling with wanting to exist as I am beyond gender but not being able to

1. Being non-binary is a personal, internal feeling and has no bearing on whether or not people around you acknowledge this. That’s how gender works. This is why a woman with a body perceived as a ’man’ who is misgendered daily is still a woman. Our genders are ours, the struggle is having them validated and properly perceived by others who generally rely on gender norms and bioessentialism to interact w people.

2. I feel your struggle, evne down to the ‘this isn’t really what I’m asking’. Being nonbinary is very much a thing but it can be impossible to give language to because our entire language was written around binaries. We are constantly struggling to manifest and find in life an experience that we have tacitly been denied language to. We can work towards it and build it but it is not easy at all. I struggle with this constantly, and literally recently have been dealing with how this is playing out painfully in my own life. I do not have all the answers, but here’s my philosopy [TW: EXPLICIT DECONSTRUCTION AND INVALIDATION OF GENDER]

My background is esotericism and philosophy. While those things did not give rise to my internal feeling of being they did help structure and give it language which likely ‘fleshed it out’ a little bit. So that’s the disclaimer.

To put it in brief pretty much all core philosophies or enlightenment or religious mysticisms admit that the thinker must go beyond the world as presented and see through to its undifferentiated state. Gender being a construct is no new idea, but most people intellectually accept it and then refuse, outright or subconsciously, to actually apply that to their life and inspect where their identity is informed by gender and then actually divest themselves of it. It is said, in many ways, in many different schools of thought, that the essential, highest, or core of human being, of human consciousness is both genders, or undifferentiated in gender; concepts of gods and ideas as ‘male-female’ or genderless (like angels) abound. You being Middle-Eastern yourself may have an intimate knowledge of spiritual ideas of beings who have transcended gender. This concept is sometimes represented as embodied (male-female or genderless beings) or as transcending the body (having nothing to do with what form the physical body takes). Scientifically speaking, even the universe itself has been found to not work on a binary at all, but to be fundamentally quantum; that is, fundamentally emptiness (nothingness, undifferentiated-ness, openness) that only collapses (limits, manifests, chooses) once a point is perceived or made to interact with something else.

I don’t think this is simply a thought experiment or an end-goal of studious practice though that is one way to get there. I think this is the basic form of human consciousness and while gendered people can endeavor to arrive at this point through spiritual, religious or philosophical practice, there are plenty of us throughout history ( more here now due to the exposure of information perhaps) for whom ideas of gender construction didn’t ‘stick’ either because they made no sense (they fall apart at the slightest investigation) or because they cause pain (you know that feel).

While it is liberating to exist in this state, uninhibited by the limitations of a binary, this ecstasy and openness is removed whenever it is invalidated. Now, for a cis person this happens rarely because they live in a world that reinforces that their body and their gender are perceived socially as ‘correct’. When it does happen, they find it upsetting, but again it’s very infrequent. Enough that they can maintain a very rigid and unfractured sense of identity bound to their gender. They spend almost all of their time in a gender euphoria so present it becomes background noise. When trans people who are men or women exist in the world, their experience of gender invalidation can be much more common and much more distressing. Their gender euphoria comes from affirmation of their gender, and dysphoria is inflicted socially when they are misgendered. If you are the kind of nonbinary that you and I seem to be (which I must put this way because not all of us have the same experience of gender though most of us have a same experience of struggle), gender euphoria is much more fleeting because any assignation of binary gender feels limiting and confusing. Rare euphoria comes when we see or experience a ‘mixedness’ or ‘completeness’ that is very very hard to depict or express so we don’t get it often. Dysphoria comes whenever gender is assigned; there is no ‘correct’ one because very few people understand us– we ourselves largely are denied language to even explain it to them, and ears that listen!! There are no channels we can go down to have our gender affirmed because it is our lack of gender specificity that feels most comfortable, yet this is an entirely gendered society where the idea of a person is gendered by default and almost always tied to some aspect of the body.

I think that a problem we face is that to actually understand our undifferentiated/quantum gender state, people would have to accept an entire deconstruction of gender which, as an idea, may be abrasive to their sense of identity. Gender is a metaphysical construct- i.e. it is nowhere to be found in the physical body. People who are attached to the mental security their sense of binary gender gives them do not want to hear that their gender is just an idea they have assigned meaning to.

 I find it frustrating because it’s not particularly hard IMO to not do this: to understand each other not as men or women or gendered at all but to see our habits and needs and ways of life as being valid because we are human, human animals seems very easy and I wish people could do that more often. If I am nurturing that is not because I am a woman, because men can nurture too, can’t they? It is because I am human and the human species exhibits nurturing behaviors. If I am obstinate at times, it is not because I am being masculine, it is because human beings can exhibit bullheadedness and irritation at times. So on for desire, kindness, selfishness, resourcefulness, kinship…We do not need to gender these things for them to be real! But because we have, people are kind of stuck on that, despite the fact that the gender of certain attributes and behaviors can differ from society to society! If there is gender, it is always in relation to its opposite- men are not masculine and women are not feminine- men are masculine dominant and women are feminine dominant. The gender ideas should always be coupled into a whole, but I digress.Another question I raise myself and you may have wondered is if this is nonbinariness or the frustrating alienation of being perceived and treated as a woman, for surely discomfort with the gender identity of ‘woman’ is, ironically, quite common in womanhood. My answer is that, much like bisexuality, people considered women are much more likely to allow internal questioning to dissolve gender binaries or rigid gender role expectations because in a patriarchy, men’s gender brings benefits and women’s gender brings none. We don’t get anything really great out of the deal, and so we’re less likely to stick around and accept it. That doesn’t invalidate the fact that we’re nonbinary, because again ‘nonbinary’ isn’t specifically a ‘third’ or ‘other’ gender– it’s an experience of being that exists outside of the gender binary completely. It is the experience of finding gender as a concept too small to fit into.

You can be nonbinary in and of itself, and you can also be a nonbinary woman- a woman who identifies with the experience of womanhood but whose concept of womanhood is other than that of binary gender. It’s up to you. I sometimes use this designation but it is largely social- an admission that while I do not fully identify with it, I am born into womanhood and am experiencing life perceived as a woman, yet form a non-binary internal position.You in this moment are deeply nonbinary. It is not a fashion, it is not an outward expression. It is a deep inner presence and experience of unboundedness, unfixedness, and vague, undifferentiated immensity. It is, in my opinion, too big and ineffable to fit into any box, any outfit, any name. And so in this world we may find it difficult to interact with others who are always attempting to collapse us into gender, to cut us down to a digestible size, to see only tiny bits of us at a time. It is frustrating. To be honest I flirt every day with the idea of giving up and going to a monastery but I know good and well that monasteries, too have their gendered ideas for all their sweet talk of transcendance. 

I wish I had sweeter words to offer but still, yes you are nonbinary. You are what you are before people perceive you and regardless of whether they are capable of seeing you in fullness or not. That cannot be taken from you.