#actually this is false she has a crush on me /j

[grissomesque]

For the prompts, #15, and J/P (of course)

Hi, Anon! Thank you for this prompt!

#15: "I can't do that for you." In which I am so brave to take my fingers out of my ears and stop pretending Fair Haven never happened.

I hope you enjoy it ♥

the finer points of the situation 1K | G | J/P | AO3

She says she's never been afraid of taking risks, but Mark, for example, was no risk at all. Contentedly landlocked with his books and philosophies, he’d loved her without needing her. Without needing her to keep him safe.

Unable to sleep, unwilling to indulge herself in the holodeck maybe ever again, she slips into the shuttle bay, into the Flyer, leaving it powered down so that the only illumination comes from the overhead lights at half-strength, filtering in through the viewport. She knows by now that if she lets her mind drift she can imagine it truly is night, night in a way that means something. That it’s moonlight she traces with the pads of her fingers, following a cobbled path of curves and blunt angles: the analog controls Tom insisted on including, a design so quintessentially him.

She suspects she might know every nook and cranny by heart.

She draws her knees up to her chest and sinks deeper into the chair that she also thinks of as Tom’s, letting her head fall back against the headrest, letting her eyes drift shut, willing away her memories of the day.

“Going my way?” a voice calls out from behind her, and she represses the reflex to spring guilty up from the conn, but only just.

How did you find me is the wrong question with an obvious answer, but it would be the easier one to ask. Easier than why did you find me, the harbinger of a conversation she has actively avoided for these past three days.

“That depends,” she says instead, deciding to deflect. “Are you here to help shoot me out of an airlock?”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that for you,” Tom smiles, leaning against the half-wall behind her. “I wanted to make sure you were all right. You never came back.”

“Oh, the Doctor filled me in on the finer points of the situation,” she says, rolling her eyes at herself and turning, finally, to face him. “You seemed to have everything under control.”

“Not quite,” he chuckles, perhaps recalling Harry’s black and blue face, or his own split lip. She grimaces in acknowledgment.

“I’m… sorry, Tom,” she says softly, because her humiliation is outweighed only by the crush of responsibility she feels for a dozen members of her crew getting drawn into a fistfight. Because she’d altered his program without his permission, in ways that had caused an emotional cascade failure beyond her wildest dreams.

“Actually, I think I owe you an apology,” he says, and though his tone is mild he does not meet her eyes.

She holds her breath.

“I made it for you, you know. Not Michael, but—” he laughs, self-deprecating, “well, all the rest. I made Fair Haven for you.”

Slowly, she exhales.

What she’d told the Doctor wasn’t precisely true. She hadn’t left Michael that day because she’d realized none of it was real. That part she’d known all along, and all too well. Had wrestled with her misgivings, her shame, and done it anyway.

No, she’d fled… because she’d finally understood what was real. What it all signified, each careful photon and forcefield that cocooned her on that false lake shore in something like respite.

And how it could all be so finely tuned to her interests, without her participation in its creation.

An aficionado, they’d called her.

“I know,” she admits.

Tom startles. “You never said.”

“Neither did you.”

And either one of them could invoke that magic word, Mark, a panacea against all risk. Either one of them could end this conversation easily enough, now and, probably, forever.

She doesn’t say it.

Tom drops into to a squat beside her. “The Burleigh Manor,” he says, counting on his fingers. “Da Vinci’s Workshop. Fair Haven might be the least subtle, but I’ve been telling you for years. Not to mention,” he adds, glancing around, “that I seem to have unintentionally built you a Captain’s yacht.”

Her mind reels. When the Gothic holonovel appeared in her database right around the same time Sandrine’s made its debut, she’d wondered. She’d never been bold enough to ask, not when doing so might make it awkward for her to drop into the bar late at night and run the table on her helmsman.

But then the da Vinci program had arrived on her birthday that difficult third year, and as far as she’d known only Tuvok and Chakotay knew that particular date, neither one of them likely culprits. Another mystery she’d let lie at the risk of spoiling it, another program she’d kept close to her chest.

Yet for all that, she realizes, there is this one thing Tom does not seem to understand.

“I don’t come here because it’s my shuttle, Tom,” she corrects him. “It’s entirely yours.”

The wide smile he gives her then makes her ache, and she welcomes it. Tom is always ready with a smirk, ready to hide himself behind an easy grin, but this—this is the bright, true smile he’d given her when she’d granted him his field commission, entrusted him with her ship, their lives, all those years ago.

This smile is a gift she does not ever want to let lie.

“Well, in that case,” he says, rising and offering his hand so she can do the same, “you think the Captain would authorize a midnight joyride?”

No holodecks this time. No proxies.

Just them.

“Oh, I think she’ll allow it,” she murmurs, and she settles in behind him while he takes the conn.

For once, she is not afraid.

[Send me a prompt and I'll write you a thing!]

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

As Time Goes By

I know this is strange, and probably rambling, but most of my posts are strange in some way or other, and definitely rambling.

Anyway, my brain connects weird stuff a lot. I’ve read this is a sign of ADHD, when your brain rapidly moves from one seemingly unrelated thing to another, and the stops all make sense to YOU, but if you tried to connect all the dots for someone else, they’d just look at you like…

But alas, I don’t think I have ADHD (I’ve taken a few self tests, and I don’t have any of the other symptoms, it seems), so I think I’m just weird, and I always try to explain my long-way, back-road route to people when I write and the connections are weird. So here we go…

I have a friend in Ireland who sent me links to Hozier related stuff occasionally, because she read this post I made a couple years ago on my author blog about how his music approaches love and romance in a way that few male artists I’ve heard do, and how I personally find that attractive in a man. (I have very very few celebrity crushes, but Hozier is no doubt one of them.) Vulnerability and openness with emotion and not mourning strength and power in connection but celebrating it. The link sharing is silly and fun (which we can all use all the time, especially now, I think). But when she sent me the last one, my mind jumped to that post I wrote before (which is not silly, really), and the man I referred to at the end of it whom I know in real life.

The short version of the post I wrote before is that I met up with my dear friend L from high school for a dinner out together pre-COVID, when she was in town visiting her family for the holidays. And That Guy came up. L told me that That Guy had made a claim to her, as a (then) 43-year-old, never been married or engaged bachelor, that he ‘could get any woman he wanted;’ that ‘women were easy;’ he just had to pretend to be into whatever they liked and pretend to be whatever they wanted and boom. Big talk for a guy who’s never been able to make a commitment work out with anyone ever. I don’t want to shit on men who have never married or been engaged here, whatever age they are, or imply they are damaged. My godfather has never been married or engaged either and he’s over 65 and a wonderful man. But he also doesn’t brag about the ability to get any woman he wanted openly and claiming they’re easily manipulated and fooled like that’s something to be proud of doing while ALSO not ever being engaged or married. The point of the post was that Hozier’s music celebrates strength in connection and commitment in a romantic relationship instead of claiming those things are burdens, like a lot of supposed love songs written by men about women tend to do. It’s normally not ‘being with her makes me better, stronger, happier...’ (which is scientifically studied to be TRUE about men in committed relationships, especially committed relationships with women). It’s usually she makes me weak; why do I have to FEEL THINGS for her like this; I wish this shit would go away (which is actually contraindicated big time for men; men are happier and live longer when they are in committed relationships, whereas women in committed relationships with men trend toward less happy and shorter lives...seriously). It’s still the stereotype in a lot of media (writing, music, film and TV, stand-up comedy) that women desire the commitment and men are roped into it; that women benefit from commitment while it ties men down and harms them; that it makes women’s lives better and men’s lives harder (which is statistically patently false; it’s the opposite...go look up studies on the internet, I’m not linking them here, but they are definitely there). What I didn’t say in that post I wrote before is that That Guy is probably, other than J, my most serious romantic connection. I have dated a dozen-ish guys in my life, but I’d really only call 3 of them significant in any way…my very first boyfriend (who was lovely, really)…That Guy I mentioned in that post about Hozier’s music and how it helped me write one of my fictional romantic heroes (who is the OPPOSITE in nearly every way of That Guy; That Guy would not appreciate Hozier’s music in a sincere way–he’d only say he did to manipulate some girl he thought was a Hozier fan)…and J (whom I obviously adore and am wholly committed and faithful to, and who is clearly an amazing bad ass in many, many ways…that is why I married him).

I’ve written before about guys who wanted to hide their relationship with me. That Guy was one of Those Guys. And I’ve talked about guys who pushed me to go faster with physical intimacy than I was comfortable going. That Guy was one of Those Guys too. He was actually the first guy who broke up with me because I wouldn’t have sex with him…when I was a 16-year-old virgin on the asexual spectrum (although I didn’t know what that was at the time). The reason he came up at that dinner with my dear friend, L, that I wrote about on the author blog in the Hozier piece, was because L actually wanted to get a ‘good ol’ days’ type of small group together to meet up, but it ended up being just her and me (which…let’s be real…I was kind of happy about). When we thought it would be maybe 5-10 people, though, J and I had offered our house up as a meeting place (after all…these were old friends…we are introverts, but we do still love people and welcome our connections into our home when that is a safe thing to do, normally…and L lives far away now, and she didn’t want to impose on her retired parents with whom she was staying to throw a party). I asked L who she’d like to see while she was in town, and among the people she listed was That Guy. So I said, 'J and I still want to have folks here if we can work it out, but honestly…we’d rather not have That Guy over.’ And then L remembered that That Guy was…That Guy. She needlessly apologized for adding him to the original guest list. And that’s when she told me that shit he’d said not even a year earlier to her on the phone about women being easily manipulated and he could get whatever woman he wanted (despite not, currently or any time in the recent past, actually having a woman in his life for more than a date or two). And then, while eating breakfast one morning, some show we were watching mentioned the 1942 film, Casablanca. And then my friend sent me the Hozier link. And those two strange floating neurons fired in the right sequence to get me to think about That Guy. And to think about how looking back, as I’ve become more experienced and more self-aware, a lot of the things That Guy did that I thought were really amazing in the moment with him were actually very calculated and manipulative. So I wrote this.

I love Casablanca.

Again, I’m sure everyone’s minds are blown that I like a black and white, classic romance where the parallel plot to the love story is defeating Nazis. No progressive, yet still somehow old-fashioned, idealistic, wannabe romance writer would like this movie. <insert hard eye roll here> In addition to the painfully obvious, it’s also a movie I watched for the first time with my grandparents, whom I still adore and miss a great deal. I told this to That Guy when we were dating (my grandfather had only passed away a little more than a year before). I knew he paid attention, because he picked me up from my coffee shop job with one red rose, and told me we were 'going out with people who’d seem familiar to me’ for a date, and he took me back to his house, and we watched Casablanca (which he had never seen…he rented it on VHS…I know…I feel appropriately ancient). At the time, I thought this was like…peak romance. I admit I was impressed. I thought he set up something I liked that he wasn’t really all that into himself. He was more of a Tarantino/Kevin Smith film guy, and the only black and white film he’d ever voluntarily watched before that date was Clerks (not that I don’t love Kevin Smith…I actually do…but you get the picture). We stayed in, and he liked going out. I thought he had done something old-fashioned, and quiet, and romantic, and made me feel nostalgic love for my grandparents, and I thought he had paid attention and done those things for me…because of how much he cared about me and wanted to see me happy (that is why J does those types of things…it’s kind of a lesson my godfather taught me about love…it’s why everyone else who cares about me does those types of things…it’s why my friend from Ireland sends me Hozier links…). But really, it was a performance. He was playing the long game to get what he wanted from me, and when he didn’t, he ended the connection.

And therein lies the difficulty in romance and in human connection in general. So much of what we are socialized to believe is romance is really some form of manipulation. So much of what we see in other people is what we want to see…and I wanted to see sincerity. I wanted to see That Guy as caring and attentive and romantic because he desired my happiness, when he really only considered his own. As time goes by, I wish I could say it’s easier for me to spot performance and manipulation in my relationships with other people, and maybe it is, a bit, but…there are still a lot of people who put on a good show, and I still have the tendency to want to see sincerity, so I often do, even when there may not be as much as I see, or any there at all. A lot of people see earnestness as cringe-worthy. Maybe I’m cringe-y. Maybe the stories I write are light and fluffy to a lot of people because I don’t load them with suffering and I try to emphasize clarity in communication and healthy, faithful relationships instead of using a lot of dramatic plot devices to drive them. But I’m going to keep doing that. That’s how I fight boredom and hate and injustice and everything else that’s wrong with the world and imperfection in human connection. I’m still sincere, and I still want to see the sincerity.

Despite the all the set up in my past to be a fighter, and even despite my reputation as one with some people, and despite the lack of sincerity I want to see so badly I sometimes invent it, I’m still a lover. And the world will always welcome lovers, as time goes by. Right?

Here’s lookin’ at you, kid.

(Thanks for reading all my rambling stuff, including all the parentheses and ellipses and links.)

[mizuribbons]

v3 liveblogging starts now

start of prologue - end of prologue

spoilers under the cut

:readmore:

here we goooo it's startinggg

"I'm the protagonist-" false information!!! besides you aren't even better than the real protag smh my head /hj

"a classroom?" No shit Mozart or whatever I don't know classical musicians well

that's a very weird pinching noise...

HERE COMES SHUICHI!!!! HERE HE COMESSSSS

HERE HE ISSSSSSSSSSS <3

*my dumbass kissing the screen*

haha butt /j

i should honestly be bonked for obsessing too much over a fictional character... actually two fictional characters.

something about Kaede saying shut up is the funniest fucking thing ever

gray guy's ass /j i do not have a crush on gray guy

"why me?" you signed up for this shit kaede don't act like you didn't (I know I know she doesn't remember blah blah blah)

slapping shit time

Kaede asking the door questions /j yes yes inner dialogue I know no shit

"what?" quote of the year fr

kokichi time

there he is

i accidentally skipped his dialogue waaaaaa

hello sir avocado man

there are 16 gayasses

hehehehehehehe ryoma so fucjing short lmaooo /hj

i don't like string cheese. actually i don't like cheese at all!!!

"we screwed up" the game makers screwed up when making you and your siblings except monodam he's the only good one

just realised my fav monokub is in front of one of my comfort characters and my least fav is in front of the other.... hmmmmmmm

damn maybe monokid mentioned hell at some point idk

kaede really flabbergasted at them being monokubs

yes you were fucking right no shit avocado

off topic but the monokub theme fucking slaps it's an absolute banger

sleepy ass bitch tbh wake up!!! wake up!!!!!!!!!

"forgot" you mean forgor???? they forgor lol

hello again Kokichi :)

"friggin'" you know you can say fucking this is Danganronpa after all

MLG horns + Sailor Moon transformation = V3 transformation sequence

"what am I wearing" clothes lmao

we waking up again soon

we already did this shit!!!!!!!!!

here comes Shuichi 2.0!!!!! insert autism creature yippee

he's so cute fr

aaaand here comes the music

monokubs are back I hate those bitches

i hate monokid most but he's so fucking funny, you're the monster actually why are you scared you lil bitch

wow monokid confirmed stuffed animal

first monokid boner of the game...

you calling the best people ever cretins?!?! honestly stfu monophanie sorry i am obsessed with fictional characters

sixteen sure is a number kaede

skipping the whole ultimate explanation I don't care honestly

monokid rager voice line count: 2

introductions for the second time, you love to see it

star kissing the screen again... that isn't even my fav character

"usually just piano freak" well that isn't nice

baby kaede still ugly as fuck tbh where's her nose and why does she already have a full head of hair even baby peko looked better and she didn't have a nose either

at least she grows up very pretty

"when did this get in my backpack?" 0.3 seconds ago!

smoothie :D

foreshadowing moment

yaaaaaa blueberry smooothieeeee

Kaede is such a hardcore lesbian

going to see avocado man again!!!

clearly you're the ultimate avocado

i forgot to type anything here when talking to Himiko but now I'm talking to Tenko

"you're so cute!" And you're a lesbian

Tenko said her first degenerate males im so proud of her

let's go to best character (Kokichi)

KOKICHI I'M COMING FOR YOU

HERE WE WRE

Here he IS

HE IS HERE

sorry I am very happy

we have all of the best boys in one room (and Kaede is there too)

how couldn't Kaede tell that Kiibo is a robot????

he did it he said "i will see you in court"

yes introduce yourself king!!!!!

he's so silly

HE SAID IT HE SAID ROBOT DICK FUNNY HAHA LINE

why is this man so fucking funny he has my brain in a chokehold

maki rol

hello short cat lover man

oops I forgot to go see miu lmao

news flash: everyone who wears pants is a PERVERT!1!1!1!11!!!1!! more at 9

"everyone knows that only pervs wear hats" himiko: 😐

she wants drugs

THERE we go now we can go see kork

gonna be honest sometimes I forget his name is Korekiyo and not just Kork

bro I don't think your teeth fell out they're definitely right there (also you can't... have... fingernails...)

monokid rager voice line count: 3

"walls are erected" 😳

the wall can be demolished just you wait

ah yes the exisals somehow have wives and kids

you can slap yourself Kaede but don't slap one of my comfort characters. that is a crime against humanity

space idiot time

"not just anyone can get up there" I can /j

here are the monoshits again

BRO PISSES IN THE SHOWER I know it happens it just gets me every time

BRO SHITS IN THE SHOWER again it gets me every time

hello mom aka basically just 2B from Nier (or so I've heard idk I have never played Nier)

time to meet our next autism creature

wonder what this guy's name is

found him right away! after 10 years

last one

im still pissed that instead of keeping it as a generic god so it doesn't offend any religion, they chose to make angie's god the real fucking Polynesian gods

angie still cute though <3

time to go gym lol

im like a cat with the zoomies

another reference thank you blueberry smoothie

honestly??? kokichi so fucking silly I love him (if you somehow couldn't tell)

i think it might be a killing game not sure tho

i will crush you guys with this here exisal

jabroni

hello motherfucker- I mean monokuma

"im not mad" he says firing a fucking lazer

yoooo they said despair

the songs in this game >>>>>

yeaaaaa rock paper scissors

imagine if monokuma ate monophanie

murder very sophisticated

yo the monokuma tongue sprite weird as hell

the rager voice line count is 4

nvm it's 5

*laughs to death*

honestly this is tiring me out but I gotta complete the prologue!!!

"a lie... more like fiction..." that's bc it is lmfaooooooooooo

the first character to attempt a murder talking about how they won't kill is so funny to me

damn they laughing

yes I know what game this is

prologue over guys we can go home now

[incorrect-wild-kratts]

Martin: that's ridiculous! Donita doesn't have a crush on me!

Chris: yes she does

Aviva: yes she does

Zach: yes she does

Donita: yes I do

.

[strangertheories]

I don't want to raise any false hopes/expectations but do you think there's the possibility they are just slow burning for Ronance? Robin obviously has a thing for Nancy, and I can't tell if she's still into Vickie or not. I don't see J*ncy lasting after Jonathan lied about his college apps, even if its not important. Nancy's smart, she'll find out eventually. Then there's St*ncy which I'm not even going to get into right now, but I'll be very mad if they decide to go in that direction.

Thanks for the ask. Those of you who follow me will know I'm a massive pessimist so I think deep down Ronance probably isn't going to happen... but I still have a smidge of hope. I'm mildly delusional about the ship and nothing can convince me that they aren't in love. They share bras, they hold hands, they have the world's most intense eye contact, they are clearly both girl kissers. I love them so much together that I literally have dreams in which they are canon and have big love confessions which I would turn into fanfic if I could creatively write. And I think narratively it could easily happen as a slow burn ship and it would be amazing.

Johnathan and Nancy are heading towards a break up at full speed so instead of having her fall into the arms of a dude who told her he has a dream of them having six kids despite the fact she has a boyfriend and doesn't want to be a typical suburban mom (look I love Steve and it was a funny haha moment about the mom meme, but that was weird writing), she should fall into the open arms of the world's coolest lesbian, one Robin Buckley.

However, they're really pushing this Johnathan and Steve love triangle annoyingly as well as the fact that Vickie exists to be Robin's love interest. At best, we'd get Robin having a crush on Nancy because of the way she acts around girls that she likes is the same as how she acts around Nancy. I really hope the Duffers get Natalia and Maya to write Ronance interactions because it would be so good and they both ship it but as Natalia said, the romantic tension was not the Duffers' original plan.

HOWEVER as I said, I really do see them together. Like the show could end with Steve and Nancy running away in their RV and having six kids together and Robin and Nancy would have some intense eye contact and I'd believe she loves Robin more. So whilst I don't have faith in the Duffers that they would actually write such a good slow burn queer ship, I still will always believe that they are girlfriends. And you all should too! I'm not trying to ruin the Ronance is canon parade because I really think it would work very well and be great sapphic rep, I'm just a huge pessimist.

Let's pray the Duffers make them canon for now! But even if they aren't, nothing can stop us from shipping them. I'm sorry if this isn't the response you were hoping for, anon. And if someone in the reblogs or replies has some Ronance optimism, please share it!

[stina-is-a-punk-rocker]

jacqueline wilson’s ‘love lessons’

tw: abuse, pedophilia, characters making Bad Decisions, long unnecessary spiel about my childhood like I’m running a recipe blog

It’s funny how loads of the authors who helped shaped me into the vaguely humanoid being I am today have names beginning with the letter ‘J’; Judy Blume, Jeff Kinney, John Green, J.K. Rowling (yikes, I know) … and Jacqueline Wilson.

I’ve never owned a Jacqueline Wilson book of my own; they were always borrowed from a friend, or from a friend of a friend, or from a friend of a cousin- you get the gist. Her books, for me, come with an entire aesthetic: something reminiscent of yard sales, and reading under the covers with a flashlight, and being lulled into a false sense of security by the deceptively innocent Nick Sharratt illustration on the cover until someone’s best friend gets mowed over.

So I knew what I was getting into when I picked up Love Lessons. I knew this was going to be Fucked Up; and boy, was I right.

(Here’s the part where I warn you about spoilers.)

From an abusive dad to creepy child predator teachers to slut-shaming and victim blaming, this book has it all.

The main character is Prudence ‘Prue’ King, who is homeschooled at the beginning of the book, along with her sister, Grace. Their parents remain rooted in the early twentieth century, and are very strict about- well, everything. No TV, no computers, not a single mobile phone in the house; their clothing worse than the orphans’ from Annie; and their father remains distinctly distrustful of modern institutions like the school and the hospital; and so on, and so forth.

Daddy King suffers a stroke, and has to be taken to the hospital. Meanwhile, Mrs. King (a floppy, spineless woman who lives in fear and awe of her, frankly horrid, husband) sends the girls to school, behind the then invalid Mr. King’s back. Cue Prue and Grace being the freakshows of the school, with their strange clothing and overbearing mother.

Grace manages to make friends, but Prue remains alone. The kids are dicks, the teachers are dicks… well, all of them but one. And that’s the art teacher, Mr. Raxberry (I just couldn’t get over that name; it seems like something you’d name a mythical plant from Pixie Hollow or some shit. I’m assuming it isn’t an actual name, since the spelling & grammar check on my computer doesn’t seem to recognize it), or Rax, as he’s called.

Oh, yeah; Prudence’s favorite subject in school is art, and she’s a whiz at it. This is relevant, because reasons.

And here’s where stuff gets murky. Prue develops a crush on Rax- which is perfectly normal. I’m definitely no stranger to it; I’ve had crushes on my teachers, my mum admitted she used to think one of her professors was cute. And yeah, as I grew older, I grew out of those crushes and now have a markedly more refined taste in men (unless he’s 5’ 7’’, born in ’97 and named Bang Chan, I don’t want him); and my mum married my dad, so I’m assuming she did, too. Admittedly, now that my dad teaches at a university, it’s icky to think that there might be students who have crushes on him- but I digress.

My point is, loads of us have liked our teachers. But I doubt the majority of us have acted on it.

And Prue actively showing her interest in Rax isn’t the worst part. That’s a spot reserved for Rax reciprocating her feelings.

Guess Ezra Fitz and Ms. Grundy (yes, I watched Riverdale; please don’t cancel me) have a new addition to the Creep Club.

The age of consent in the UK is 16, if I’m not mistaken. Prue is 14. She’s just barely become a teenager, and she’s being preyed upon.

Because that is what Rax is. He’s a predator; he preys upon this vulnerable girl who’s never been in a relationship before- hell, she’s never even had friends- her father’s abusive, so she obviously doesn’t have the best experience when it comes to men- she’s unpopular at school, with the students and staff alike- and he lures her in. I don’t care how bloody nice he is to Sarah, or what a good dad he is (well, he’s really not, seeing as he cheated on the mother of his children WITH A BLOODY FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD CHILD)- the guy’s a fucking pedophile.

I was staunchly stuck at a yellow light with him; like, sure, maybe Prue thinks he’s flirting with her- maybe she’s looking at this all wrong, she doesn’t know how relationships work- see, he drew a picture of Sarah, too, in his secret notebook- Prue’s just reading into this too much- up until he says he loves her.

Dude. Humbert fucking Humbert. She’s fourteen, for Christ’s sake, and you’re married. You have two children. She’s a child. She’s probably closer to your son’s age than she is to yours.

(This is the part where I bury my head in my pillow. And scream. Extensively, and with passion.)

The book does make some genuinely good commentary on slut-shaming and victim blaming and abusive parenting. And on one hand, I can see why so many people find issue with the romanticization of the when I kissed the teacher trope- but I can defend it, too.

The book is in Prue’s perspective. She thinks she’s in love with Rax, so obviously, she’s not going to throw in some valuable moral at the end- because she’s too young and inexperienced to think otherwise. And sadly, there are loads of instances of child abuse that go unreported because the victims just don’t know better.

What I have issue with is how the school dealt with it, ultimately. Prudence, a child, has to deal with the consequences of the actions of a literal child predator. Sure, Rax ‘clears his name’ by cooking up some bullshit story about how it was only a crush and he didn’t encourage it, but you’d think other adults would know better and, oh, I dunno- dig deeper into it, instead of blaming it on a child?

“She says you told Mr. Raxberry you loved him and he held you in his arms and fondled you.”

Which Prudence denies, because, again, she doesn’t know better. She then goes on to say that they did nothing wrong. To which the adult speaking to her, in this case, the principal, Miss Wilmott, goes on to say:

“I’m not sure that’s entirely true… I feel that there are some aspects of your friendship that could be considered inappropriate.”

FYI, lady, he kissed her- multiple times (not that kissing her once makes him any more redeemable), and told her he loved her, and admitted to fantasizing about running away with her and leaving his family behind. Fun fact: do you know Prudence is underage?

You’d think that Miss Wilmott would maybe give this whole fiasco a favorable ending, but it turns out she listens to school gossip;

“I haven’t been at all happy with your attitude. You don’t seem to understand how to behave in school. I’ve heard tales of unsuitable underwear and then a silly romance with one of the boys in your class. I feel that in the space of a few short weeks you’ve made rather a bad name for yourself… I don’t know whether you intend to be deliberately insolent but you certainly come across as an unpleasantly opinionated and arrogant girl… I can’t help feeling that you’ll be much better off elsewhere. I shall try hard to engineer a suitable transfer to another school.”

And then she comes out with this gem:

“If you won’t leave, then I shall have to ensure that Mr. Raxberry finds another position.”

“No, you can’t do that! He’s a brilliant teacher.”

“You should have thought of that before you started acting in this ridiculous and precocious manner. If I were another kind of headteacher, I would have Mr. Raxberry instantly suspended. There could even be a court case. He would not only lose his job, he could find himself in very serious trouble. Did you ever stop to think about that?”

Girlboss, gaslight and gatekeep. The fucking trifecta.

Also, by ‘another kind of headteacher’, does she mean the kind of headteacher WHO DOESN’T LET CHILD PREDATORS ROAM FREELY WITHIN THEIR HALLS?

This bitch is out here blaming a child, a literal child, for the crimes of an adult man.

The only time Prue seems aware of the fact that Mr. Raxberry is actually a very shit person is her immediate thoughts that follow after she tells Miss Wilmott she’ll take the fall;

I so wanted to save darling Rax- and yet why hadn’t he wanted to save me? Had he told Miss Wilmott it was all my fault, that I’d got a ridiculous crush on him, that I’d made ludicrous advances to him? … I wanted to tell this horrible, patronizing woman how hungrily he’d kissed me, but I couldn’t do it. I loved him. I had to help him.

NO, SWEETHEART; YOU MOST DEFINITELY DO NOT.

And maybe I’m going overboard with all these excerpts, but here’s what Rax has to tell Prue, after school, following her expulsion:

“I let her think the worst of you, the best of me, just to save my skin. I said it was ridiculous talking about a love affair between us. I said you simply had a crush on me, and that I was just trying to be kind… You were brave enough to stand up to me and force me to acknowledge the truth… I love you… That’s why I had to take a risk and see you this one last time. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t care… Every night when I close my eyes, I’ll think of us together in this car and how badly I wanted to drive off with you. I’ll imagine us walking hand in hand at the water’s edge… I wish I wasn’t such a coward.”

(I burrow into the pillow further. I’m trying to suffocate myself.)

And that’s where I think Wilson went wrong. Sure, Prudence getting expelled for something that was completely out of her hands is unfair, and horrible, but it’s real. That shit can happen.

What’s bad is showing Rax in a positive light after all that. If only Wilson had written Rax to not be the Romeo he thinks he is. Make him ignore Prudence, throw her under the bus in front of her face, instead of this star-crossed lovers bullshit it’s made out to be. Show your younger audience that Rax is not a good man. I’ve got a little over two weeks left for my twentieth; I can see why this is unacceptable. But I was a little younger than Prue when I watched Pretty Little Liars, and my only gripe with Aria dating Ezra was that Noel Kahn was so much cuter.

It shows when you scroll down the Goodreads reviews; you’ve got adults giving it one or two stars, and teenagers giving it four or five, with their biggest complaints being, “but Toby was cuter!!!”

Other non-pedophilia related complaints regarding the book include: Prudence being unlikable- which I didn’t really notice, considering she reacted to some people way better than I would’ve, even at 19 (which probably says a lot more about me than it does about Prue, but oh well). Still, Prudence obviously isn’t the most prudent of people- and again, she’s fourteen. Look me in eye and tell me you weren’t an arsehole at that age (unless you’re fourteen now, in which case, I assure you that you’ll look back on yourself someday and go ‘wtf was I thinking’). Bringing up Toby’s dyslexia in an argument was low, though.

There were people who thought the Kings’ almost-Amish lifestyle was exaggerated and unrealistic, but I assure you, it may very well be real. There are 8 billion people on the world- it’s fair to assume that several of them are complete weirdos.

Grace was a sweet character, and I adored her with every fiber of my being. As were her friends Iggy and Figgy. Honestly, I would’ve loved a book about Iggy, Figgy and Piggy’s (mis)adventures too.

[yn-x-animeboy]

Jungkook x y/n (as a famous artist) Pt.2

pArt 1: here 

pairing: reader x Jungkook

genre: fluff, romance, for entertainment purposes

BTS x Fem Reader

sinopsis: You are a popular artist in America, pretty famous, loved and well-known by the general public (actually you were one of the top 10 artists in the world but you are pretty humble and naïve to realize your popularity), one day during one of your fan meets you talk about how much you love BTS, and not only how you wish to meet them and work with them but how Jungkook is one of your celebrity crushes. During the meet you fangirled with other ARMYs in the crowd; video clips of you fangirling and talking about BTS at your meet where posted and reposted all over social media. This obviously broke the internet because you were not only a famous singer but you also were always accepted and loved by ARMY and this made a lot of people happy. Suddenly it felt like everyone wanted you to meet the seven handsome and talented idols and collaborate, but you could only wish, you believed they didn't even know who you were...or so you thought

Part 2- BTS x Y/N You went to bed, turned your phone on silent mode and looked at your ceiling,  replaying that fake scenario you talked about a few hours ago, oh how you wished it could become real. Finally dozing off and resting for the work-packed day you had tomorrow; unaware that your social media was currently going crazy and how they yearned for your new weekly EPISODE to come out.

While you were peacefully sleeping social media platforms like twitter and instagram where going crazy all over the world, headlines with titles like: “Y/N FINALLY CONFESSES”, “Y/N AND JUNGKOOK RELATIONSHIP WILL SAVE 2021”, “ARMYs BIGGEST FEAR… Y/N+J&K''. People demanded the episode of the leaked videos to be uploaded as soon as possible, even though it was the middle of the night were you where; your international fans where active and ready for some content after watching the “leaked” videos; they exploded your teams’ contacts; your team left with no other choice but to actually speed up the process and upload said EPISODE; your manager contacted the main editor and offered him two days off if he could finish the video that same night. 

The episode was uploaded at around 2 am; meaning in Korea, the video went up at around 4pm.

4:00 o’clock in the afternoon, a beautiful day outside Seoul. The guys were currently about to shoot a new episode of RUN BTS; on set,  the guys were standing in the middle of a room as some hair and makeup staff fixed their appearance. Cameras were being set up around them by the camera crew. Staff spread around the room doing their respective tasks. The guys did have their cell phones with them but they were all turned to airplane mode so they wouldn't disturb the shoot. Just like you, they were unaware of what was happening on their social media platforms.

“ACTION!” the director started. RM lead the opening line “1,2,3…”, “Dallyeora Bangtan!” (RUN BTS!) they all said in unison, and the episode began. behind the cameras, staff were learning about the ``BTS x Y/N'' ordeal as the seven boys were filming. The “Hybe Corporation '' (RIP big hit) would normally would see this type of situation as a negative thing for their Idol Star Group’s image, immediately clearing  up any misunderstanding and false info that was being spread online; but the head of the company, Bang Si-hyuk, decided to first watch the video himself and look into it this time. 

Again, the head team would’ve even ignored this situation, but this time it was different. Bang Si-hyuk actually knew who you were, and was surprised when he saw your name pop up. After a quick meeting the next step was decided for BTS in regards to this situation. “Just to make sure, the boys are still shooting right? Bang Si-hyuk asked his assistant, “Y-yes sir, they are in the middle of a game, no news have been broke to them”; Bang Si-hyuk nodded and looked around the room of people that attended the emergency meeting, “Okay so, like we agreed, we will surprise they boys with this, they are big fans of y/n, and I really do like her too, she is a good girl who goes well with BTS. SO... after their scheduled shoot, send them to the other room and let them react to y/n’s episode highlights, and tell them what is happening, I think this could be the beginning of something good” Bang Si-hyuk concluded the meeting at that. Staff quickly went and prepared everything.

After shoot the guys were expecting to get into their assigned cars and go home like they normally do when they are done on set, but they were stopped by staff; “Guys okay so you are done with this episode, please now direct yourselfs towards the meeting room, the company has treated you to some refreshers, snacks and drinks; you will be told what to do'' The small woman stepped aside to let the boys go to where they were asked to go. The guys didn't think too much of this, brushing it off as a probable “catch-up” meeting.

Once they got to the meeting room they sat on one side of  a wooden table, a laptop sitting in the middle, and a single camera behind the table. Jungkook took a seat in front of the laptop, Jimin to his right and Suga to his left; J-Hope, V, Jin and RM sitting in higher chairs behind them in that order, with a clear view on the computer.  They all looked at the staff for answers, this was not one of their weekly meetings… The staff allowed them to have the promised snacks, instant noodles and beverages for this. One staff member told them what they were going to do “Okay so before you all go home we need you to react to this video, it is only a couple of minutes long, we have edited it and cut some parts out; you are allowed to eat and loosen up; you can react as you wish and add any comment as well, any questions?” They shook their head as they had done this before so many times. 

The video started and a preview came on screen, it was your intro music, on screen a quick preview of your complete episode was shown. The boys immediately recognized the images, they had seen your show many times before. “Oi, it’s y/n'' Jin immediately said as soon as your face appeared on screen, “Is this a new episode?” JImin asked out loud, “Wait what day is it? they normally go up on Friday, did we miss it?” Taehyung spoke, mouth full of spicy noodles, J-Hope and RM reached out and cleaned Taehyung’s face with napkins  as if he was a child, before he made a bigger mess. 

“Hello everyone welcome to another episode of…. f** I don't even know what we call these videos, jajajaja” “Wait what?... jajajajaja omg guys thank you, I'm so sorry, yeah you heard them, welcome back to y/n’s camera roll, I can’t believe I forgot that, anyway today’s episode is a little different……” Your introduction from the episode played on screen, making the boys chuckle at your genuine personality “hahaha gwiyeoun” (haha cute) Suga added, J-Hope agreeing with him as he gave Suga a piece of the food he was having. Kookie was currently watching the screen not even blinking, he hadn’t taken a bite out of his noodles or a sip out of his banana milk, Jimin noticed and pointed at him looking back at the guys with a silent laugh, they all knew Jungkook was your biggest simp.

The video continued, they kept adding comments and watching with interest. The staff had actually reedited your original video to make it shorter and show the parts where you mention BTS.

“Hi, y/n, can I ask you another question?” you nodded and signaled him to proceed; 

“I saw that you liked an instagram post about BTS a while back uploaded by a fan account and I also saw that you actually follow their personal twitter account. ALSO in your behind the scenes video for your music video shoot you can be seen in the background dancing the Boy with luv choreo. So I wanted to ask if you were an ARMY and if you know them personally? and like should we be expecting a collaboration soon?”

You chucked at his talking speed, curious questions and great detective skills.

Jimin reached over and paused the video before they could hear what you answered next. “No way….Omg what she says she hates us” Jimin said. “Imagine if she said she hates us, is this why you guys are making us watch this?” Suga looked  at the staff. “Can we keep watching hyungs…” Jungkook said looking around at the others, a bit desperate to find out what you said next. “Oi, wouldn't you want to know guki…” Jin teased him, wiggling his eyebrows and slapping the back of his head playfully. Before Jungkook could fight back RM reached over them and pressed play, preventing a ‘playful’ fight among the youngest and oldest member to take place.

“OMG hahaha I love you so much, what an amazing question, Okay so first off no I don’t know them personally and sadly no plans of collaboration are on sight. Oh wow I have never been asked if I liked BTS before, I’m excited hahaha. Yeah I am an ARMY, I love them so much I am one of their biggest fans, and they are also one of my biggest inspirations when it comes to work ethic and professionalism, listening to them or watching them gives me motivation to keep doing what I love, which is this. 

anyway I am rambling I should stop; you guys can say y/n stop whenever I start rambling okay? hahaha''

As this part of the video played, the guys seemed to lean closer to the screen as you spoke. Once you finished your answer they paused the video again. RM stood up with hands on his head; Jin and J-Hope held on to each other with their mouths wide open looking at the screen; V was still sitting in the same spot, frozen, as if he was paused in time along with the now paused screen; Suga stood up with his hands on his mouth bouncing his knees lightly; Jimin reached to RM behind him and stretched his arms out with a ‘Did you hear that?’ expression; Jungkook leaned over the table and pulled the screen closer, he was smiling from ear to ear letting out a small “wow” under his breath, then he replayed your answer to listen to it one more time, rereading the subtitles under the video making sure he did not miss any words.

 “OMG NO WAY, NO WAY DUDE” Tae came out of his frozen state and held on to Jungkook's shoulders shaking slightly; They all looked at eachother surprised, they couldn't believe that ‘the one and only Y/N’ was an ARMY. They composed themselves and played the video to proceed once the staff told them there was more. 

The video resumed: 

“Guys should we actually talk about BTS for a bit? hahaha” you asked your fans

A girl spoke after: “Can I ask you a BTS question then? Okay so, who is your favorite member?

“Well first off, I don't have a favorite member. I really mean it when I say this. I love them all equally and I love them all as a group. I don’t prefer one over the other or like one better.  I really do support them equally. I mean there is nothing wrong with having a bias, as long as you also respect the other members, hope that all made sense lol” Everyone seemed moved by your support towards them and nodded.

Again the boys reacted, they were so surprised they paused again and walked back and forth making sounds of excitement; They loved the way you answered the question and were so moved by your love and appreciation towards them and the way you saw them as a group. They felt like jumping and celebrating. They sat back down again to keep watching their favorite american artist talk about them some more.

Your episode was again cut and it skipped to another question: 

“Y/n so you don’t have a favorite, but do you have a crush on any of them?, like if you could date one of them right now, which one do you pick?” A fan asked.

The guys chuckled at the question, they thought there was no way you would answer such a question.

“okay...well...Like I said just to be clear I don't have favorites amongst the group members, but I do have a type…. I consider one of them to be my celebrity crush”......

“So in that case, if I had to pick someone that I would date in real life...i would say…. Jungkook” 

The. Guys. Went. Nuts. Jungkook immediately stood up and lifted his hands up in the air as if he had won an award, he paused the video and started smiling like crazy; his cheeks tinted in a redish pinkish tone, he covered his face as he was at a loss for words, he knew he was seen as attractive by female and male artists, he even knew of a couple of well known idols who had admitted to having a crush on him; but this was different, he had considered you to be his celebrity crush for years now, ever since your debut in america when you were just 15 and he was 16; he was a big fan of yours; he knew everything about you, he loved your music, he thought you were one of the prettiest girls he had ever seen, he even had a picture of you performing as his wallpaper currently; he constantly watched your videos and wished he could someday date a girl like you. 

A staff member spoke, taking Jungkook out of his trance state: “How do you feel Jungkook?” He lifted his face from his hands and ran his fingers through his hair, his eyes were glossy and his smile wide. “I-I don't know what to say, I can’t believe it,” he said as he sat down looking  at the pause screen, looking at your still image. His hyungs patted him on the back; Jimin turned his head to the staff as he was rubbing JK’s back with one hand, “You know Jungook has had the biggest crush on y/n for so long now” Jimin told the staff. The other members agreed and nodded. Jungkook looked up and spoke to the staff: “Yeah I remember listening to her debut song for the longest time without really thinking about who the artist was. When her first studio album broke records I decided to look her up, I watched a video of her talking about the album and her experience as a new artist and I think ever since then I have had a crush on her; she is my ideal type”

“Why is she your ideal type?” a staff member in the back asked JK. “Ha. um. well  I think my ideal type of girl is someone who is funny and has a bright and cool personality; someone who as soon as they step into a room they immediately light it up; someone who is goofy and isn't afraid to become a joke or mess up; A confident person; someone who isn't too girly or too boyish; someone who likes to learn new  things and from who I can learn new things too; someone who is younger than me; Someone who loves dancing and singing a lot, etc. And y/n is kinda all that and more tbh; He rambled, the guys were all used to his ‘secret fangirling over y/n’ habit, but the staff was taken aback; they only thought the guys thought highly of you as an artist, but this… they felt moved. “Ay ay, stop drooling, lets keep watching hahaha” Suga poked at JK’s side and pressed play.

The video time skipped again: “...I love that question, and your scenario is so cute, you should write a tumblr post about it, well yeah I obviously have created fake scenarios in my head about BTS, past crushes, fake arguments even hahaha, there are so many BTS fake scenarios in my head…. hmm oh I know which one, okay so this fantasy of mine is about how I would meet them irl and work with them, I will make it quick”

“Okay so, my literal fantasy is to one day meet them at a talk show, you know how hosts like to surprise their guests with something/someone they like?, I believe Ellen has done it multiple times where she surprised a guest with their idol or celebrity crush, you know?” The group nodded, invested in your fake scenario “Well i would be invited to like the Jimmy Fallon Show, where he would just randomly surprise me with BTS. Then I would be given the opportunity to introduce myself and tell them how much I love and support them. I would also be able to show them my korean speaking skills, I learned Korean and Spanish back in school and I have never been able to actually use either them, lol, anyway...well after that we would all become really good friends, and we would collaborate and put out one or multiple songs for you guys. I mean that's basically it, I wish I could meet them, and become their friend and write songs with them, even produce songs with Suga or RM if I could'' 

“What???? does she speak korean?” 

“OMG Jungkook is she speaks korean marry her” 

“OMG I wanna meet her now”  

“That's so cute” 

“She is so cool” 

The guys added and all looked adoringly at the screen; RM and Suga also commented about how they would love to work with someone like you and produce a ton of music together and that they wish you all could collaborate in the future too.

_____

And That is how the boys learned about the video and your view on them….not only that they also  learned about your embarrassing fantasy and celebrity crush…. After finishing their day at work, they went home and watched your episode complete this time. They felt like they accomplished something so important by just leaning your perception on them. Jungkook also felt that but he was even more excited than the rest, his celebrity crush had admitted to crushing on him back, he knows that the chances of meeting you or even having a friendship with you were probably non existent. And even if they did meet you, the idea of dating you in real life seemed impossible to him due to you both being artists, under strict and powerful companies, living opposite sides of the world, in different time zones even; but he was still happy, and the guys too; they all went to bed wishing they could someday meet you.

----

Part 3- Jimmy Fallon Show ------> here

ily:) Xx, plis give me a lil’ <3

[puckngrind]

What’s In a Name: Finale- J. Toews

Chapter 16.

Where we left off: Jon and Bekah got married in Sedona and are off to their honeymoon after the Blackhawks convention.

Warnings: smut, language

Word Count: 4,390

Series Masterlist ) Puck ‘n Grind’s masterlist

Final.

When Jon finally let it slip they were honeymooning in Iceland after the convention, Bekah was unsure of her husband’s thought process. She expected some beach vacation with their own bungalow but what she got was way more their style. They stayed up to take in the midnight sun, snorkeled in a fault line, skinny dipped in a natural hot spring and made out like no one was watching under a waterfall. They were so hot for each other the couple even missed a guided tour simply because they lost track of time and didn’t get out of bed. Married life was good even with the season starting. Right before training camp Jon drops a package on the counter and retreats to the fridge.

“Tae, whatcha order?” Bekah sipped one her later afternoon coffee.

“Rings.” Jon’s voice echoed from inside the fridge.

“Huh?”

“Take a look Beks.” Jon closes the door and motions towards the package. Inside were maybe a dozen or more silicone bands. “For practice and games, working out... you know when I have the potential of ripping off my finger with the real one.”

“Jon, you didn’t have to... I mean, it’s fine if you go ringless at work.” Bekah sips her coffee and smiles. “As long as you only come home to me.” Jon rounded the counter, pulls out one of the silicone bands, removes his wedding ring and places it on his left ring finger.

“It’s only been you since 2015, Beks, and it will only be you until the day I die.” His lips press firmly onto hers. “I want to have the constant reminder that I have the best wife ever to come home to.” His lips graze hers again.

“Not sure I deserve that reward yet, maybe in a year?” Bekah giggles into Jon’s skin.

Brynn came with Derek when the Blue Jackets played in Chicago. The two hadn’t seen each other since they left Arizona in July. “I still cannot believe you two are married, so damn in love it’s sick, and have these breathtaking wedding pictures already hanging up. I think it took a month to even get our proofs back let alone a framed picture and you have this on a giant canvas.” Brynn’s finger points to Bekah’s favorite picture. Jon’s arms wrapped her, lips pressed to her cheek as her vail flies in the wind. The fact that she doubted being about to get to the spot where they took the picture is funny looking back. She was thankful Jon pushed for it.

It was Christmas before they knew it. The families decided to give the newlyweds the actual holiday to themselves again and came together the weekend before. Bekah told Jon there better not be any surprise gifts in, on, or under the tree. On Christmas Eve she came down the steps to see a blanket laid out in front of the tree with the fire going.

“What’s this Tae?” She kisses her husband who looked pleased with himself.

“I thought we should have our own Christmas tradition that we could do when we have kids.” He dips down and scoops up the wine glasses. “Maybe without the wine.” Bekah sips her glass and takes in the small details Jon put into this picnic.

“Sounds perfect!” They sat down and talked all about the holidays, break, and how the season was going.

“I know you are going home for New Years but very much want my wife with me in Calgary to ring in 2020.” Jon stands to move the plates and wine glasses.

“J, I don’t see why I couldn’t just cut my home trip short?” Bekah leans on her hands watching Jon’s reaction.

“Really? I know you miss it.” He kneels next to her.

“Not as much as I did. Plus, I want to ring in 2020 with you just didn’t want to mess up team bonding.” Jon laughs a little and moves his body on top of hers.

“I think the guys will understand why.” Jon presses his lips to hers and Bekah moans out.

“Wanna go upstairs?” She whispers when their lips break for air.

“Fuck no.” Jon lifts up and pulls off both of their clothes wasting no time making sure Bekah was ready before pressing into her. His movements were slow and intentional. Pulling Bekah’s legs high up so she had to move her hands from pulling at his back to holding her legs up. Jon humming in pure love of the moment. Taking in their highs together Jon still holding tight into his wife.

“So is this also a Christmas tradition there, Tae?” Bekah’s breaths were short as she laughed.

“I think so. Maybe before Santa arrives.” He snickers as he lifts up and grabs another blanket to wrap around them.

“Is Santa coming to our house this year? Dropping off any surprises?” Bekah combs her fingers through Jon’s hair as he lays on her chest.

“Nope. Well, house hunting...” Jon felt Bekah’s reaction to his statement. “We can stay here if you want. It’s up to you.”

They didn’t. Soon after Jon and Bekah returned from Columbus and Calgary the couple found the perfect house close to the city. Moving during the season seemed to be a daunting task but Bekah managed to get the essentials unpacked and hired painters and such to make their home feel like them. All-Star weekend the couple found themselves at home in Winnipeg.

“Beks?” Jon called out after coming in from a run. Bekah told Jon she was going to make cookies while he was gone. “Babe?” He wandered the house and sees her still with her shoes on in bed asleep. He sits down next to her and brushes the hair out of her face. “You okay?” His eyebrows knit together knowing his wife was not a nap type of person however many times he begged her to nap pre-game with him.

“Yeah, just got super tired that’s all.” Bekah’s voice was groggy.

“Yeah, you left the dough out on the counter.” Jon slips back behind her. “Do you think you are coming down with something?” He presses his lips to the back of her head.

“I don’t think so. Maybe... oh... well. Um. Shit. What day is it?” Bekah lifts up suddenly.

“The 23rd. Why Bekah?” Jon sits up behind her.

“I’m two weeks late.” Bekah’s hand covers her mouth realizing what that could mean.

“You mean like late late? As in...” Jon’s arms wrap around Bekah.

“Like maybe you would go get a test... or three.” She looks back at him and she shuffles to his feet and heads to the store. The smell of cookies hit his nose when he walked back in the door. Bekah icing the batch that had cooled.

“So, I know we said we would let nature take its course but that was in November.” Bekah nods, licks the icing off her finger and grabs the bag.

The two waited for the longest two minutes of their lives sitting on the bathroom floor. Bekah’s head rested on Jon’s shoulder. Jon’s hand picked up the stick from the counter. “Ready...” he whispers and Bekah’s shoulders shrug. “Pregnant. Beks!” Jon’s voice picked up and he jumped to his feet placing the test on the counter and scooping his wife into his arms kissing her skin as he walks.

“Tae, what are you doing?” Bekah questions.

“Celebrating knocking my sexy wife up in the first try!” Jon drops Bekah onto the bed and crowds her. Ridding himself of his shirt and pulling on hers.

“It could be a false positive.” Bekah’s hands land on Jon’s chest.

“It’s not.” Jon retorts. “For as long I’ve known you, your cycle has been the most predictable thing about you.” Jon manages to pull Bekah’s shirt off and kisses down to her stomach. “Salut bébé, c'est ton papa.” He whispers into her skin the looks up to see Bekah’s face. “Sorry, maybe I should...” Jon goes to move thinking he changed the mood and Bekah’s hands catch his shoulders.

“Tae, that was a damn turn on. Please... continue.” Jon winks up at her and presses his tongue to her folds lapping up how incredibly wet she was. Bekah’s orgasm ripping through her body like a ball of fire. Her body jolting up away from his mouth which was still working it’s magic.

“Holy shit. J, I need more.” Bekah panted out and Jon’s mouth met her chest as he laid her back down pressing his length deep inside eliciting moans as he rocked.

“Oh. Beks. Beks. I...” Jon huffs as Bekah pulls her body up into his and feels him explode deep inside of her sending shockwaves through out her body. “I love you.” Jon whispers while crashing into her body.

“Same but you are crushing my pelvis.” Bekah wiggles and Jon jumps off her quickly. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You are carrying our child.” His hand grazes her stomach.

“Potentially. I need to schedule an appointment for when we are back.” She reaches for her phone and Jon’s hand catches her arm.

“Does your brain ever shut off My Love?” Jon kisses her. “No is the answer. And I want to go. Can you schedule around me?”

Soon after their return home, Jon and Bekah found themselves in her OBGYN’s office listening to their child’s heartbeat. A tear streaming down Jon’s face as Bekah held his hand tight. On the drive home, Bekah broke the comfortable silence. “Can we wait to tell people including family until the second trimester?” Jon’s thumb rubs the back of her hand as he drives.

“Whenever you want Beks.” Jon’s delight evident in his tone.

“I want to tell Rin first but don’t exactly know how.” Bekah inhales quickly as Jon sighs. Brynn and Derek would be the perfect parents but after too many miscarriages to count and an undetermined infertility diagnosis they just stopped trying. Getting pregnant so quickly was going to crush her best friend and she knew it. She watched Brynn at coworker’s baby showers. She hid the pain well but Bekah saw it.

She wanted to tell her best friend in person. What she didn’t expect was the pause and quarantine. Jon came home early March talking about the NHLPA and on the phone not realizing Bekah was laying in the middle of the floor. He stands over her and smiles. “My beautiful wife okay down there?”

“Fat wife that is. And no. They said you could have morning sickness and mine was mid-afternoon sickness which is for the birds THEN they said you feel better in your second trimester and welp... my body feels like I ran a damn marathon and I just moved the rug three feet over. How was your discussion with those people?” Bekah waves her hand around and Jon laughs.

“They want to start zoom calls so I have to think where I could do it here. Plus I think we can go home to Manitoba for a bit if you feel already.”

“Yeah, do it in the kitchen so you don’t have the blow job angle your team Canada buddy did yesterday. I need to call Rin. My body isn’t hiding this baby much longer.” Jon lays down next to her and kisses her cheek.

“Blow job angles. Funny. I don’t need anyone but you thinking of that.” He rolls her body on top of his and she sits up with his hands on her hips. “And you, Mrs. Toews and more beautiful now than the day we met.” Jon’s thumbs rub the small bump appearing on her lower abdomen.

Bekah buzzed around the house while Jon sat on the zoom call. She dropped her phone when she heard him answer the question about what he’s been up to since the last game. After the call ended she stands next to him. “When is that call being published?” Bekah asks with an annoyance in her voice.

“They said in a few days, why Beks?” Jon pulls her into his lap.

“Because you just fucking told the world I’m pregnant and I haven’t even told our families.” Jon’s eyes blow wide.

“Oh fuck! I... I... I didn’t even think about it.” His hand covers his face.

“I need to go FaceTime Rin.” Bekah kissed her regretful husband and retreated to their bedroom.

“How’s my bestie doing in quarantine?” Brynn didn’t even say hi. “What’s that face for?” Bekah sighed.

“I wanted to do this in person so I could hold your hand but damn Covid and shit.” Bekah starts.

“You are pregnant aren’t you?” Brynn pulls a smile across her face.

“How did ya?” Bekah’s eyebrow shoots up. “I am. Due mid-September.”

“I knew you looked different in December but couldn’t place it. You were barely pregnant weren’t you?” Brynn feels the tears coming.

“Yeah. Rin. I... I... I’m sorry.” Bekah whispers.

“Bekah, you don’t have to be sorry. I’m so happy for you and cannot wait to be Auntie Rin!” Brynn wipes her eyes.

“Oh Rin.” Bekah sniffles. “I didn’t know how you would take this.” The friends talked a little more before Bekah hung up and called Kelly who squealed while jumping then realized Bekah’s odd questions in February were pregnancy related. When she returned to Jon he was laying on the couch she asked him to move. “Your parents or mine first?”

“Together?” Jon laughed and they both FaceTimed their mom’s who were overjoyed at the news about being grandparents. Marie had tons of questions regarding Bekah and the baby’s safety while the Toews were busy talking to Jon about their trip home and if Bekah would be safe on the lake’s ice.

With permission from her doctor, the couple returned to Canada and Jon enjoyed rare times with his family but soon realized the couple needed to return to the states. Jon was constantly on the phone with negotiations about return to play throughout the summer.  Laying in bed one night with his head on her growing belly, Bekah could feel he was holding something back.

“Tae, talk.  What’s up?  She ran her hands through his growing hair that she secretly loved while everything was shut down.  

“We’ve been talking about a return to play and that players could opt out.  I think I should since with the baby coming.  I would be gone for most of your last trimester.”  Jon kisses and turns his attention.  “Momma won’t let me open the envelope that says if you are a boy or girl.  Maybe you could help me out, huh?”  Bekah laughs hard that her belly moves.

“I told you with everything else the way it is having a little surprise wouldn’t hurt anyone.  We bought the essentials and Kelly swears her kids were in the white onesies, or naked and wrapped up in a blanket for the first few weeks.  Eating, pooping, and sleeping.”  Jon looks up resting his chin on her stomach.

“Fine.  I’ll wait.  We already have enough Hawks stuff to last about a week.  Plus the girls are ready to socially distance pounce on you once the baby does come.  I do have an important question for you?”

“Yeah?”

“When is sex off the table?”  He bites his lip and Bekah shakes her head.

“Depends on how I feel and where the baby is plus you don’t want to induce labor too early.”

“Soooo.... we can still?”  Jon’s eyebrows dance.

“You want to sex this up?  With my swollen ankles and clothes that no longer fit...”

“You don’t need clothes for what I want to do with you.”  Jon lays next to his wife and pulls her face to his.  “You are beautiful.”  He deepens his kiss and she moans.

“I just look fat Tae.”  Bekah recoils.  “Plus, I need a shower.”  She moves and Jon follows.

“I’ll join you.”  He pulls her body into his while walking to their shower.  

“You seriously want to have sex with me?”  She looks at her naked body in the mirror and over to Jon noticing he was already hard.  

“Not much has changed from last week when I wore your thighs at earmuffs.”  Jon turned on the shower and lead her under the water.  He could physically see Bekah’s shoulders relax under the warm water.  Pulling her breasts into his hands he massaged gently.  “Tell me if it’s too much okay Beks”  He kissed  the back of her neck and his fingers found her entrance.  Using the edge of the shower, Bekah pulled her leg up for easier access to her clit as Jon kissed her skin.  

“Tae.”  She breathed out feeling an orgasm building then she felt the baby.  “Jon!”  Her hand went to her stomach.  “Feel.”  She brought his hand to her belly and Jon felt their child kick his hand.

“Oh wow!  That is maybe the coolest feeling ever.”  Jon kisses Bekah and she feels his hardened cock on her back.  “Does that mean we stop, because...”

“No.  I want you to fuck me.”  Bekah turns around and Jon pulls her body up and slides her onto his length but cannot get situated enough.  “take me to be bed.”  She breathed out.  

“Wet?”  He questioned as he pulls out.

“Yes.”  She wraps her arms around him and he carries them to the bed.  Laying her down carefully and pressing into her as she moves her legs to feel all of him.  With just a few thrusts, Bekah’s orgasm crashes over her and she feels the baby fluttering inside.  “Can I finish you off orally?”  She pants.  

“You don’t have to Beks.  I’m fine.”  She wiggled from under him and he falls onto the mattress.  “Beks... really... I’m... holy fuck.  Don’t stop.”  Jon soon changed his mind when Bekah’s lips wrapped tight around him and he hit the back of her throat.  Sliding easily up and down his length Jon breathed out his approval of her actions and quickly spilled down her throat.  Bekah pops her lips and wipes her mouth as she retreats.  “I have no words.”  Jon huffs out and stares up at Bekah who is now rubbing her stomach.

“Now can you get up so we can change the sheets and go to bed.  This momma to be is tired.”  Bekah stands and Jon strips the wet bed before cuddling his wife.  

With somewhat of an argument, Brynn came to Chicago as Jon entered the bubble.  Jon kissed Bekah’s belly as was leaving, “You cannot make an entrance into the world until Daddy returns or Momma enters the bubble.  Either way, hang out.  Make sure Momma listens to Auntie Rin and cheer on the Hawks.”  Jon lifts up and wraps his arms around his wife.  “Tu es toujours avec moi, mes amours.”  Jon kisses her then pulls away to see the tears build in her eyes.  “Always with me.”  Jon gives instructions to Brynn to make sure Bekah keeps to the doctor’s orders and she calls him if anything happens.

“Go kick some Oiler ass Babe!”  Bekah giggles trying to contain her emotions.

“Why does he have to look so damn sexy and I cannot touch him.  You know these girls are falling all over him.”  Bekah watched the coverage of Jon walking into the arena while Brynn painted her toe nails.

“And that man only has eyes for you.”  Brynn smiled seeing the the way Bekah contorts her face.  

“Yeah, some hot ass media girl is much sexier than the fat cow he left at home.”  Bekah rubs her belly that has grown to the point that she cannot see her feet.  

“Sorry friend, this whole negative self talk has to be your hormones because everyone in the world knows how much that man loves you. Did you see the picture from last game?  You could see your wedding picture on his lock screen.”

“Did he look that good when he left?  And the way he is playing is so fucking sexy.”  Bekah looks at her phone.  “Sorry, baby bird.  Momma will be filtering herself when you arrive next month.”  Brynn laughs.

“He will call.  He always does.”  And like magic Bekah’s phone rings.  Since entering the bubble Jon calls to talk to the baby once a day, and will call Bekah before she goes to bed and before he goes on the ice.

“There is my girl!”  Jon’s voice booms out of the speaker.  

“Hey Tae!  Could you talk to the league and see if they could I don’t know, move your game’s start time before my bedtime?”  This makes both Jon and Brynn laugh.  “I watch you when I get up to pee at around 11 but I hate missing the games live.

“Sure, I’ll just call Gary myself and request a game time change.”  The three laugh.  

“I love you, Tae.  Good luck tonight and go kick some ass.”  She kisses at the phone.  

“I love you, two.”  He blows her a kiss and hangs up to the sounds of heaving coming from Bekah’s feet.

“Yeah, if they lose and he comes home I foresee your labor starting.”  

“Rin, that would be a month early!”  Bekah squeaks out.

“I call it like I see it.  And that man is gonna want his wife when he returns.”  Bekah covered her eyes then starts googling sex in the third trimester.

Jon was home three and a half weeks after he left for Edmonton.  Brynn stayed through the week and then drove back to Ohio with the promise she would be back when Baby Toews was born.  Bekah’s due date came and she was still pregnant.

“This baby is NEVER leaving.”  Bekah walked the stairs for the 10th time that day.

“You’ve made it comfortable.  They want to stay FOREVER.”  Jon laughs while he indulges in his dessert concoction he only eats off season.

“I think I’ve tried everything but sex.”  Bekah leans on the counter and presses her hips back to relive the pressure.  Jon drops the spoon from his mouth.

“Well, I can fucking help with that.”  He pulls Bekah’s arm and practically pushes her up the stairs.  Leaning against the headboard he pats his lap.  “Climb aboard the let’s meet our baby Jonny train.”  He laughs and Bekah scoffs.

“Your dad jokes are just gonna get worse, aren’t they?”  She removes her shorts and climbs onto Jon’s lap.

“Yup!  Now, can we get rid of this?”  He pulls off her old t-shirt that is stretched around her belly.  “And can I play with these?  I don’t think they will belong to me soon.”  Jon leans up to suck in her nipple while cupping her other breast.  Bekah lets go of a gasp.

“Too much.”  She whispered and lifts herself up.  Jon’s hands hold her helps as she lowers herself onto his length.  She presses her hips forward with a sound that was both pleasure and pain.  “It’s not gonna take much to make me.” “Oh good.  Me either.”  Jon pulls her hips forward as her belly hits his abs.  He thrusts slightly up and Bekah goes to move.

“I think if we stand.”  She stands to her feet and Jon comes behind her.  

“Ready?”  He whispered and she nods.  The grunts and moans fill the room quickly.  The pain of her hips and full term baby sitting on her organs was forgotten as their highs crash over them.  Jon leans over and kisses her shoulder blades while he pulls out.  The two stand there for a moment evening out their breaths.  “Beks, did you just pee?”  Jon jumps back.

“No.  My water just broke.”  Bekah turns and gives Jon a look.  “I need to shower I cannot give birth smelling like sex.”  Jon laughs.

“You do that, I’ll go load the car.  Unless you need me?”  He had slight panic sound in his voice that was laced with excitement.  Bekah giggled as she waddled to the shower and Jon grabbed the bags out of the nursery Brynn helped finish while he was gone.

The hospital was waiting for them as they arrived.  Jon started a group text to their moms, Brynn, Kelly, and Alyssa.  Jon sat in the rocking chair waiting for her next contraction.  “You are a rockstar you know?”  Bekah looks over at him while flipping the channel on the tv.  “Nothing like the movies or tv.  You haven’t called me a bastard or anything.”  He smirks at her.

“While I don’t plan on it... I have pushed this giant headed Toews baby out my vagina yet.”  Bekah sees Jon’s Adam’s apple bob.  “And for the sake of our sex life, maybe you shouldn’t watch.”  Jon stands and hold her hand preparing for the next contraction.  She squeezes.

“Oh no, I want to see it all.  Cut the cord.  And I’ll still find you sexy as hell.  You are bringing our child into the world.  I will be impatiently waiting for the doctor to clear you.”  Bekah rolls her eyes as the doctor comes in. 

“It’s go time here!”  The doctor looks up and Jon and and Bekah look each other with excitement.  Bringing a child into the world during a pandemic was difficult but when the moment came and it was just the two of them there was a calmness washed over them.  Bekah crushed Jon’s hand and forearm pushing but he didn’t mind.  When the doctor said one more for the shoulders, Jon leaned over his wife’s leg and watched the most incredible thing in the entire world.  In a spilt second his world completely changed.  

“Tae, is it a boy or a girl?”  Bekah whispers out of breath looking at Jon’s face and the tears welling up.

“It’s a boy, Beks.”  He was handed the scissors and cut the cord.  The nurse patted him dry and goes to hand him to Bekah.  “Daddy holds him first.”  She points and the nurse places Jon’s son in his arms.

“Time of birth, 1am, September 19th.”  The nurse announces.

“It’s the 19th, Jon!”  Bekah looks up at Jon as he passes the baby to his wif.  She holds her son to her chest and kisses his head.  

“Does baby boy Toews have a name?”  The doctor asks as the couple looks at each other and in unison answer...

“Lincoln.”

The End.

[96thdayofrage]

On the third night of the Democratic National Convention, President Barack Obama addressed the nation from the Museum of the American Revolution in Philadelphia. In what’s being described as a “stark, sober address” intended to frighten Americans about the dangers of a second Trump term, the former president took a moment to acknowledge the hopelessness and cynicism that has become so prevalent in today’s political discourse:

“Look, I understand why many Americans are down on government. The way the rules have been set up and abused in Congress make it easy for special interests to stop progress. Believe me, I know. I understand why a white factory worker who’s seen his wages cut or his job shipped overseas might feel like the government no longer looks out for him, and why a Black mother might feel like it never looked out for her at all. I understand why a new immigrant might look around this country and wonder whether there’s still a place for him here; why a young person might look at politics right now, the circus of it all, the meanness and the lies and crazy conspiracy theories and think, what’s the point?”

Now, I’m not a factory worker, a Black mother, or a new immigrant, so I can’t speak for them, but Obama’s assessment of why each of those people may be “down on government” seems more or less accurate. Factory workers do feel betrayed, Black people in general have good reason to think the government never cared about them, and it stands to reason that new immigrants would feel unwelcome given the current administration’s overt hostility towards them.

Obama’s explanation for why young people have grown jaded, however, is far less convincing. In fact, it’s completely made up. As a fairly young person myself who discusses current affairs on a literal daily basis, I can assert with great confidence that young people today aren’t bitter about politics because of “the circus of it all, the meanness and the lies, and crazy conspiracy theories.” They’re bitter because of the failed presidency, and tone-deaf post-presidency, of Barack Obama.

Millennials such as myself remember what it was like to feel optimistic about politics. We first felt this sense of hope in 2008 when Obama first ran for president. We created a grassroots movement behind his campaign, carried him to the Democratic nomination in what initially seemed like a Quixotic battle against the Clintonian Democratic establishment, and voted for him in droves in November, propelling him to a landslide victory. And what did all of this hope, and effort, and enthusiasm get us, even when we won? Romneycare.

So in 2016, after a hugely disappointing Obama era, most of the young people who supported him twice, as well as a new generation of even younger voters, became equally involved in the Bernie Sanders campaign, which the Democratic Party conspired against in favor of Hillary Clinton, the very person the youth rejected in favor of Obama eight years prior. When she lost to Donald Trump, and Sanders ran again this time, yet another crop of young people supported him in overwhelming numbers. This time, it seemed there were enough of them to finally win, until, once again, Barack Obama, the man the older millennials invested their hopes in twelve years ago, intervened in the eleventh hour to align the party against the Sanders campaign, once again crushing the candidate that the youth had rallied behind.

In short, that’s why so many young people are “down on government.” It’s not because politics is too mean, or too circus-like, or that there are too many conspiracy theories to keep track of. It’s because young people invested their hopes in Barack Obama, and he failed them.

Obama continued:

“Well, here’s the point: This president and those in power — those who benefit from keeping things the way they are — they are counting on your cynicism. They know they can’t win you over with their policies. So they’re hoping to make it as hard as possible for you to vote, and to convince you that your vote does not matter. That’s how they win. That’s how they get to keep making decisions that affect your life, and the lives of the people you love. That’s how the economy will keep getting skewed to the wealthy and well-connected, how our health systems will let more people fall through the cracks. That’s how a democracy withers until it’s no democracy at all.”

While his assessment of youth apathy and cynicism was undoubtedly deceptive, this paragraph is pure Orwellian propaganda.

First, the premise is false. Anyone with any political understanding knows that there is a bipartisan consensus in Washington, D.C. that serves to protect and maintain the status quo. To classify “this president and those in power” as the sole beneficiaries of “keeping things the way they are” is simply dishonest. Obama’s subsequent claim that Republicans seek to depress and suppress the vote by depressing and disempowering the electorate is fair enough, but of course, Democrats have their own underhanded means of protecting their power, just as Republicans do.

In fact, I could very easily rewrite this segment of the speech to describe how the DNC protects its own interests at the expense of the common good. It would go something like this:

Well here’s the point – the Democratic establishment – those who benefit from keeping things the way they are – they are counting on your support. They know they can’t win you over with their policies. So they’re hoping to blackmail you into voting for them, and to convince you that your vote matters when it really doesn’t. That’s how they win. That’s how they get to keep making decisions that affect your life, and the lives of the people you love. That’s how the economy will keep getting skewed to the wealthy and well-connected, how our health systems will let more people fall through the cracks. That’s how a democracy withers until it’s no democracy at all.

Notice I didn’t have to change much at all. Because as far as political strategy is concerned, the only real difference between Republicans and Democrats is that the Republicans sell despair and the Democrats sell false hope. Republicans overtly encourage people to shun civic responsibility altogether and think only of themselves, whereas Democrats manipulate their base into participating in masturbatory dead-end exercises of meaningless civic engagement, i.e., voting for Democrats.

When we got involved, got inspired, and mobilized to elect the last Democratic president, did that stop the economy from being “skewed to the wealthy and well connected?” Did it stop people from “falling through the cracks” of our for-profit market based healthcare system? Did it protect our democracy from undue influence by oligarchs and demagogues? Of course not. If it had, the Wall St. criminals who tanked the economy would be in jail, we’d have at least a public option, and we wouldn’t have President Donald J. Trump.

And so when Obama addresses these issues, he speaks as though he were never the president; as though he were never in a position to prove to young people that government could in fact work for them; as if he was never entrusted with the task of renewing people’s faith in politics as a means for enacting positive change; as if he never rallied his base behind a campaign slogan of “Yes, We Can,” and as if he never let them down.

At this point, the only people still fawning over Barack Obama’s empty rhetoric and revisionist historicizing are those who don’t care how empty and revisionist it actually is. The liberal class’ privilege allows them to be hypnotized by Obama’s eloquence, charisma, and “classiness,” and to conveniently ignore both his failures as president and his inability to acknowledge them in his post-presidency. They pontificate about how much they “miss having a president who can speak in complete sentences,” as if complete sentences alone are of material benefit to poor and working class people struggling to make ends meet.

In 2008, Obama’s base of support was an idealistic coalition of multiracial young people brimming with excitement over his aspirational vision. Twelve years later, his speeches resonate only with those who can afford to revel in their superficiality. This much is obvious to anyone who’s not already in the tank for the Democrats, but it hasn’t seemed to dawn on Obama himself one bit. The lack of self awareness in this speech is a perfect example of why Democrats are so loathed by so many, and why they’re always the last ones to learn just how unpopular they are.

The rise of Donald Trump is an unfortunate but undeniable consequence of Obama’s failure to deliver on the promise of “hope and change.” If Barack Obama is too prideful, or too insulated from reality, to admit this to himself, it’s about time Democrats start admitting this to each other, because this whole convention gave off major 2016 vibes. We saw an elitist party basking in its own perceived moral and intellectual superiority while making no substantive policy pitches to anyone who they fear may be on the verge of giving up and staying home in November. Speaker after speaker stressed the importance of voting by insisting our democracy might fall if we don’t. Never did anyone stop and ask themselves why they should expect people to feel so invested in a “democracy” whose political outcomes have rendered 63% of Americans unable to afford a $500 emergency. Sure, democracy is nice for people like Julia Louis Dreyfus, whose roasting of Donald Trump on the convention’s final night went over predictably well with comfy #resistance liberals, but what good is it to everyone else if they don’t get anything out of it except the opportunity to vote for sleazy politicians who don’t look out for them?

This country is battered, broken, beaten down, and ready to throw in the towel. This was true four years ago, and it may be even more true now. The unfulfilled promise of the Obama years is a big part of why that is, a big part of why Trump was elected in 2016, and a big part of why America might just double down on despair in 2020.

[aspiestvmusings]

ZEP: S1 -  PARALLELS

This is part of my ZEP: S1 Thoughts Master Post

Here’s the new & updated long analysis post for ZEP S1. This one features the whole season, all 12 episodes.

Just me...dissecting & analyzing the storyline...with focus on Zoey & Team Max. But since the stories are so intertwined, there’s Zoey/dad & Zoey/Simon talk, too. Among other things...relevant to it all...

ZEP: MAX & ZOEY -  THOUGHTS 1 [LINK HERE]  

PARALLELS

ZOEY & MAX AS NEW TEAM MANAGERS #twoofakind

In 1x02 when Zoey gives her first introductory speech as the new Team Manager on the 4th Floor, she prepares flash cards for the speech..with the first one being her name (Hi, Im Zoey). In 1x10 when Max becomes the new Team Manager on the 6th Floor, he prepares flash cards for his speech..with the first one being his name (Hi, I’m Max).

In 1x02 Zoey makes an awkard joke at the beginning of her speech “Please don’t say anything stupid” (one of her notes to herself). In 1x10 Max makes awkard joke at the beginning of his speech (Please hold your applause til the end" (one of his notes to himself)

In 1x02 Zoey tells Joan that she prepared for the new job by reading multiple books & listening to several popular podcasts on how to be an effective leader. In 1x10 Max tells his new team that he prepared for the new job by reading about a 7-step leadership program..online….

In 1x02 Joan is watching on the background as Zoey gives her team a great motivational speech (in the end)... and connects with them. She smiles like a proud parent seeing this. In 1x10 Ava is watching on the background as Max gives his team a great motivational speech (in the end)... and connects with them.  She smiles like a proud parent seeing this. 

MATCHING OUTFITS 

In 1x12 Max wears a dark green hoodie in the beginning of the episode (Cheesequakes scene)....during the day. And in 1x12 Zoey wears a dark green hoodie (with a zippr, and same colour top/T-shirt under it) later in the episode (Movie Nights/Make out session scene)...later in the same day. They match tone-to-tone in this episode.

TURNING POINTS: DAD’S HEALTH

1x06 vs 1x12 The mud-season finale & the season finale. In 1x06 Zoey's moment with Max was interrupted by a phone call about her dad's health. Because while the episode focused on the Z/S/J triangle, a turn of events had just happened. Max, after witnessing the burnt roses, dropped everything (his plan on finding a date), and was there for Zoey, by her side..every step. Then a phone call, and he made sure she got to her family, and stayed by her side..the whole time (til bedtime). In 1x12 Zoey & Max's movie night "date" make-out session was interrupted by a call about her dad's health. Max made sure she got to her family, and stayed by her side... the whole time (til it was time for "just the family").

1x06 ended with Zoey saying goodbye to Max and shutting the door of her parents house as he left. And this happened after a sweet moment between the two (hug & his promise to always be there for her). And then she leans on the wall next to the door...and hears Max continue singing his heart song to her. This night/song was, IMO, the turning point for her...the moment when she was really starting to see him in a new light. The moment that was her "I think I might love him" moment for her. 1x12 ended with Zoey saying goodbye to Max (after the funeral/wake) and shutting the door of her parents house as he left. And this happened after a sweet moment between them (them sitting on the stairs as he sang his "AP" verse, and him hugging her & giving her a forehead kiss before he left). And then she leans on the wall next to the door...and she starts singing "AP".

CHEESEQUAKES

1x01 We see Zoey getting cheesequakes for her & Simon...but then she learns that he's engaged. It's a "love triangle" moment as she meets Jessica...with her being the third wheel, the one who is jealous... Simon hadn't told Zoey the truth... that he is taken/with someone. 1x12 We see Zoey getting cheesequakes for her & Max...but then Simon arrives. It's a "love triangle" moment as Simon sees the two acting in a "more than just friends" way....and with himbeing the third wheel, who is jealous. Zoey hasn't told Simon the whole ruth about her relationship with Max. Shes claimed that they're just friends, and after this claims he has nothing to be jealous about.

GRIEF ACTIONS 

Grieving Simon proposed to his girlfriend Jessica after his dad's death. Everything points to his proposal being more about trying to pretend to move on. It was a distraction. Grieving Zoey pursued the engaged man, Simon...as her dad'd health was declining and she was preparing for her dad's death. Everything points to her pursuit of him being about pretenting to move on. But is is a distraction. (and so will be her choice to be with Simon...for now, after Mitch's death...)

MRI (BACK TO THE BEGINNING…)

In 1x01 gets an MRI...that goes wrong..."thanks" to an earthquake...and she end up having a "zoeyality" superpower. In 1x02 we hear her sing a song [even if it turns out to be just her dream]...the first one she sings..inbtead of others singing to her. The song is "I've got the music in Me". In 1x12 we/Zoey sees the same MRI machine & same technician/doctor as she's in a hospital [for Emilys false alarm], and he sings to her/hums to himself the song "I’ve got the Music in Me".

Remember how it all started? With Zoey’s MRI in Pilot…going all wrong…because of an eathquake. She went to check on her health because she had concerns..because of her fathers condition. We saw her “take the test”. But… we never heard how it ended. Did the earthquake interfere with the results & she’d have to get another MRI to find out the results? Did she get the results, but never mentioned them?

After the MRI we see her talking to her mom, but it’s never mentioned how the test went. The results…or lack of them…is never mentioned… until episode 11. Instead…after the experience she’s “going crazy” - hearing everyone sing their inner feelings. But not once does she mention the MRI in any other context than it being the result she got her superpower. And we’ve only heard her mention it to her family, Mo & Max, no one else even knows she got an MRI.

A lot of things in the series are hinting at Zoey having the same disease as her dad has. And the singing might be her first, early, strange “symptom”. Because she has the same condition is probably why she hears people singing, too. Even the ASL storyline supports it. Not to mention some other scenes & lines from songs in the show. Like her mom/family singing “We’ve Gotta Get Out of This Place” in 1x11. And since we know that the lyrics of the heart songs tell the truth and are part of the narrative/story, then they have a real meaning.

A stranger at the caskett room sings during Maggie’s song: “Now my girl you’re so young and pretty, and one thing I know is true: You’ll be dead before your time is due, I know” & later Maggie sings the same lines, and then the camera moves to Zoey…witnessing the song, and it doesn’ really feel like it’s cause we see it all from her POV..but cause the line is a “clue” for her…

CHIRP vs ZOEY-ALITY PARALLELS

Invading privacy. How come no-one has mentioned this? Especially Max. We’ve seen him be concerned about “mind reading”, and then they’re all working on “mind reading code”

I do think that all this was done intentionally & they chose to use a piece of technology that is similar to Zoeys ability…to make a point..in the future. And I’ve found it quite interesting that no-one has…yet (by the end of episode 11) questioned how ethical the tech is, or how it could invade peoples privacy.

If they’d had a character mention it, I would’ve expected it to be Max. I mean… in episode 1x01 when Zoey asks him what he thinks about te ability to read other peoples minds, he says that he’d get his feelings hurt a lot..more. And he has voiced concern about Zoey being able to “read his mind”…several times. His main concern has been that she can read his mind/see into his heart (via heart songs…while he can’t see into hers…). And he was also very uncomfortable when he found out that everyone could “read him” (that everyone knew he has had a crush on Zoey…forever). He’s the one character whose expressed most concern about people knowing his secret feelings & thoughts. Hence I have been surprised he hasn’t commented on CHIRP yet (until ep 11).

Though anyone on the team might bring it up..at one point. And another good possibility is Simon. Because since he’s still in the dark about her superpower, that would be one way to take it back to the beginning. Cause as we remember from the PIlot, he was “impressed” by Zoey’s ability to “read his mind”..only he thought that that must mean they have a “natural” connection, so when he finds out she had help (from her superpower…which is basically like getting help from a CHIRP technology), he’s gonna have a whole new look on their connection and everything. And he’s most likely gonna be “betrayed” and “disappointed”, because he’ll realize that their connection wasn’t actually real, and she “cheated in the game”.

And CHIRP is most definitely a “plot device”. The parallels to/with Zoey’s abilities are just…too obvious

[mobius-prime]

192. Sonic the Hedgehog #124

Sonic Adventure 2.5: Λlphλ

Writer: Karl Bollers Pencils: J. Axer and Steven Butler Colors: Jason Jensen

All right everyone, we've finally made it to the "Endgame" of the fourth era! While it's not quite as epic and game-changing, this story, spanning this issue and the next, alters the setting and the plot quite a bit, and also sees the return of Shadow the Hedgehog, whom we only got to see a quick cameo of back in Sonic Adventure 2. Also, amusingly, the word "Alpha" in the title is actually spelled with the Greek letter Lambda, not the actual letter Alpha. I know it's for the Aesthetic™ and all, but it's still funny. But anyway, let's jump in and see what this era's finale has in store for us!

So first, we learn the story of how Shadow survived his fall from orbit. Turns out, he didn't actually fall at all! Before he entered the atmosphere, he was caught in a beam from an alien spaceship, and brought aboard.

Well now, isn't this interesting! These are the same aliens that transformed Eggman and Snively back to their organic forms a few issues ago. It seems they're quite interested in meddling in the affairs of the planet, for whatever reason, and now they're using Shadow as a method of escaping from a second spaceship full of different aliens who appear to be quite aggressive. Shadow tries to fight back against them, but the ship hits him with an energy beam, and he begins to lose consciousness once again, falling back towards the atmosphere just as before. Meanwhile back in Knothole, Sonic wakes up, seemingly excited about something big today. He races to Knothole Castle where he kisses Sally hello, the two now openly dating now that they've admitted their true feelings for each other. She asks him if he's ready to "pop the question," to which he says he… is… wait, what question is this, Sally?! You can't mean…

At the same time, in Station Square, the president finds himself contacted by Eggman, who tries to make him a deal to become allies in exchange for advanced technology and protection. Of course, he's trying to propose an alliance to the same people who literally nuked his city because they didn't like him, so this goes about as well as you expect. Naturally, Eggman doesn't like this response one bit.

Rouge swoops in to save the president and his driver as the car careens into a river, but just as they think they've escaped danger, the entire false sky above the city shatters under the attack from a mysterious foe… But before we find out who has done this, it's time to find out what question Sonic is supposed to be asking.

…okay, honestly, this is just bizarre to me. I get that absolute monarchies tend to want to marry their heirs off young to secure alliances, but really? These two haven't even properly dated yet, beyond a little these past months (as at least a couple months are implied to have passed since Sally's kidnapping), and now at the age of sixteen they're planning a future wedding? This entire bit seems so weirdly out of character for both Sally and Sonic, if you ask me. The comic has flirted with the idea of marriage between the two in the past, but that was mostly during the earlier issues when each story was only focused on being silly and telling a funny, self-contained story. Obviously, these two have had a deep crush on each other for years now, and have a lot of chemistry in their own way, but a de facto engagement between the two of them is just strange. Sally is much more pragmatic than that, having broken off a potential relationship once before in favor of focusing on her official duties, and as for Sonic, we've been directly shown before that he's flighty, afraid of commitment, and generally prefers casual friendships to heavily romantic relationships. Now, this might make more sense if you instead view it as an announcement of convenience, a plot concocted by the both of them to get Sally's parents off her back about being married off to a "suitable partner" as the future ruler of the kingdom. If it were portrayed this way, then maybe I could give this a pass. But we're given no such inkling that it's anything other than exactly what it appears to be. And that, to me, makes this plot point a completely bizarre departure from the usual attitudes of both these characters to romance and relationships. Even weirder, as we'll see, this doesn't even affect the plot of the comic at all in future issues - while there's a reference to it here and there, it's nothing plot-important and could have easily been written out without much trouble.

Anyway, Sonic runs out to investigate the boom only to find Shadow lying in a crater outside the castle. Man, lucky for him that he just so happened to land here instead of literally anywhere else, huh? Sonic approaches him and Shadow lashes out in confusion, knocking Sonic aside, before coming to and apologizing. All this does is rile Sonic up and he tries to attack Shadow in retaliation. Really, Sonic? You thought Shadow was freaking dead, and the moment you see him again you try to punch his lights out? Sally, luckily, steps in to reprimand him for his behavior, and Nicole contacts her, telling her there's an emergency message for them back at the castle. The Freedom Fighters, along with Shadow, follow her back in, where both Eggman and Rouge contact the royal family simultaneously, each claiming their cities have been attacked by an overwhelmingly strong foe. Shadow confirms that this is likely an attack from the same vessel he had just been fighting, but then… something happens. A telepathic message spreads out across the globe, echoing in the minds of every single sentient being on the planet, demanding the attention of the "inhabitants of planet Earth…"

Well, this is bad. And now, they're back to finish what they started… Eggman panics and tries to immediately get King Max to agree to an alliance of convenience, but Max cuts him off without another word, justifying his actions to his shocked onlookers as making sure Eggman is good and ready to accept a truce on his terms by making him sweat a bit first. Sonic expresses confusion that the aliens seem to be confusing Mobius with another planet called Earth, but they get a call from Angel Island at that moment where Locke offers his assistance. Of course the Freedom Fighters ask about Knuckles, and he sorrowfully informs them that he's dead. They're shocked and saddened, but don't have time to mourn, as they have to prove the Xorda wrong about their planet. Sally begins some research into the history of the planet, but Hope unexpectedly steps forward, offering her own insight into how the Xorda ended up here in the first place.

Oh boy, Shadow, I sense we're going to have some emotional turmoil over Hope in our future. Also, I just wanna note that this issue claims that the Xorda were last here three thousand years ago, but future issues retcon this into twelve thousand years. Anyway, Sally soon discovers something shocking in her research… Mobius and Earth are, in fact, the same planet!

This. Is. It! This is the big reveal that I've been so carefully dancing around for almost two hundred issues! I have been meticulously wording every reference to Mobius being an "Earth-like planet" to be spoiler-free but also totally accurate in the light of this reveal. Yes, ladies, gents and enbies, the Archie Sonic preboot takes place twelve thousand years into our own future. The first Xorda invasion was, in fact, the first recorded Day of Fury, which is why it's recorded as having wiped out nearly all life on the planet. And this is also the origin of the split between five fingered humans, and four fingered Overlanders. The humans survived underground, unaffected by the gene bombs dropped by the Xorda, while the Overlanders are the result of, essentially, re-evolved humans that were affected by the gene bombs. And as for Mobians? Well, we are talking about a weapon called a gene bomb, so Mobians obviously came about through severe mutations caused by said bombs, eventually becoming the dominant species of the planet! This is why the planet's continents look very similar to those of Earth, with the differences easily explained by not only twelve thousand years of continental drift, but the massive geographical alterations that such a dramatic cataclysm would have caused on the planet. All those old references to previous Earth civilizations exist because those things actually happened, even if the people making said references no longer know what the Confederate States were, or who the Aborigines were. I know this reveal wasn't particularly liked by a lot of readers, and certainly without the context of the previous two hundred issues it sounds downright absurd (hell, even with the context it kind of does), but in the end my personal opinion is that this was a bit of a masterstroke on Karl's part. It's a great way to tie a lot of old plot threads together and develop a more cohesive and solid history for Mobius as a planet, and ultimately provides us with a more clear timeline of events for the various races and civilizations of the world. And it's all thanks to a species of creepy vengeful Mother Brain octopus alien things deciding to commit genocide!

Afterlife (Part Four)

Writer: Ken Penders Pencils: Art Mawhinney Colors: J. Jensen

So, Kenders. With the big milestone issue fast approaching, is there anything you wanna add in this next installment of Afterlife? Like, perhaps, finally addressing what exactly is supposed to, y'know, happen in the afterlife? Knuckles certainly wants to know, having spent the last two issues doing nothing but reliving his entire previous life verbatim. Aurora explains that though he feels it's unfair that he died, it was unavoidable, as he simply came into his power too quickly and couldn't temper it or learn to control it quickly enough to pull off his saving-Dimitri stunt without essentially going supernova.

This part actually does interest me, because Knuckles' reaction implies that until now, the fact of his death hasn't fully sunken in. He seems to be under the impression that he can come back from it and just resume his life where he left off, instead of traveling onward into the next phase of life. Aurora apologizes and explains that everyone only gets one chance at life, and beckons him toward the mystical portal to the Chaos Force. Knuckles requests only one more thing, to become his normal red self once more, and when Aurora gently corrects him that he doesn't need her help for that, he finds himself instantly back to his old color scheme with a mere thought, which raises the minor question of whether he would have been able to revert back to red all along, or whether it's due to the malleable nature of existence in the afterlife that he's able to do so now. Regardless, the reign of Green Knuckles over the comic's B-stories has finally ended, and Rad Red steps into the portal, ready to claim his destiny. And thus, we get ready to say goodbye to our favorite echidna once and for all, as he takes his place amongst the… wait, hang on a second…

Good old Athair! I missed you, buddy. Aurora tries to argue that Knuckles should still advance forward into the Chaos Force, but Athair merely frowns and crosses his arms, leaving the ending of this story ambiguous… and ripe for a true conclusion next issue, as we hit another major milestone in the history of the comic!

[chinchillinator]

Re: This cancel culture open letter thing

So I read the whole letter. It’s ironic because just two days ago, I had blown through the chapter Fear of a Black Planet from Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race by British journalist Reni Eddo-Lodge. This chapter includes an entire section on the dishonest way the “free speech” argument is used as leverage against anti-racist discussion. As she writes it, basically, people who don’t want to hear anti-racist discussion use “free speech” as a way to effectively silence the uncomfortable things they’re not willing to hear. I figured this open letter was a symptom of that very same concept.

Like I said, I read the whole letter. Just to be safe. On the surface, yeah, it disparages cancel culture as the antithesis of free speech and free exchange of ideas. The consequences of spewing hateful rhetoric (“controversial” if you want to use their words) are addressed and denounced. I don’t know the specifics of the examples they use, but somehow I think “a researcher is fired for circulating a peer-reviewed academic study” lacks certain context that might better explain why it was such a problem. The letter claims to be about defending the right to open and honest debate. I don’t necessarily disagree, but we should take into account the publication where the letter was printed (Harper’s Bazaar, if you’re wondering) and some of the signators.

Here’s the thing, the people getting cancelled through social media campaigns and hashtags are not actually at risk of being completely crushed. (I mean, J/K R/owling still has a platform... ) So maybe the “professor [who was] investigated for quoting works of literature in class” really ran the risk of losing their job (again to present this without context is to fool readers into false sympathy, there must be further details about this example), but celebrities facing a cancel hashtag are not in the same league at all. In many ways, a hashtag campaign is the only way we can call attention to the injustice we see. Is it maybe a bit drastic to oust someone based on a tweet made several years ago? Perhaps. But in my eyes, cancel culture should be more about, like I said, calling attention to some bad stuff someone did and opening the floor for a real free speech debate.

Instead, through intelligent writing and buzz words, this letter seems to equate cancel culture to censorship. (Maybe you’ve read it differently, maybe I’m a little too annoyed at some of the signators to clearly come at it from an objective perspective, who knows.) In that way, I do see it as a symptom of what Eddo-Lodge discussed in her book. People are angry that cancel culture serves to call them out for problematic statements and choose to claim their free speech is being suppressed because they don’t want to hear arguments against them. This isn’t fair at all and, if you’ll bare with me just a little longer, I think Eddo-Lodge has much more eloquent explanation than myself:

“Being in a position where their lives are so comfortable that they don’t really have anything material to oppose, faux ‘free speech’ defenders spend all their spare time railing against ‘offense culture’. When they make it about offense rather than their own complicity in a drastically unjust system, they successfully transfer the responsibility of fixing the system from the benefactors of it to those who are likely to lose out because of it. ... Freedom of speech doesn’t mean the right to say what you want without rebuttal, and racist speech and ideas need to be healthily challenged in the public sphere.” (Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race, pg 133-134)

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG159, shortly before I’m Eradicated I Guess. TT___TT

- Hhhh over the quietness compared to last episode: less characters, less urgency, less twists and things happening on every side. Just the slowness, the repetitions of the waves, the footsteps, the echoes (down to the structure of the exchanges: Jon-Peter, Jon-Martin, Jon-Peter, Jon-Martin). Peter’s voice was really cool with earphones, because:

(MAG159) PETER: [DISTORTED] He doesn’t~ want~ to see you~ ARCHIVIST: Where are you? PETER: [DISTORTED, END OF SENTENCES ECHOING] I’m not here, Archivist – no one is. It’s only you.

Given how his voice was circling (sometimes far, closer, on the right, on the left), it really felt that indeed: he was nowhere at all, and everywhere at the same time. Everything felt more intimate, more personal, more intrusive: Peter’s personal story, Jon’s own sense of losses (the friends or people he cared for lost over his journey, the threat that Martin would meet the same fate), The Lonely feeding Martin with a false sense of security… everything was really fitting, for our first inside experience of The Lonely?

- I’m going to miss Peter’s own static, because it really felt to me, every time, that the tape recorders were just plain hissing at him for being there, “we do not like you, hhhh go away go away go away!!”. Though: Peter is dead (exploded/was ripped from existence), but Martin is still around (for now ;;), has been trained to be dual-Lonely, managed to disappear on Georgie in MAG149, has admitted that he was “getting there”, so… if Martin survives the end of season 4 and is not sealed or stuck somewhere afterwards, or at the very least, if we still hear him from time to time, we could still get some trademark Lonely static. This time from him. Sob.

- “If Peter loses, it won’t be (all) that bad” Simon and Elias said.

(MAG151) SIMON: I think… [INHALE] I think Peter is taking a rather large, but calculated gamble. Not just on you, but on a lot of things. If it works, he’ll be in a very strong position. And if he fails… it won’t be all that bad. MARTIN: You don’t think it will be the end of the world? SIMON: Oh! It very well might be, but…

(MAG158) PETER: … Fine. MARTIN: Great. [VERY SHARP SQUEALS OF DISTORTION INCREASING] Now, perhaps if one of you, then, can tell me what– [SHARP SQUEALS OF DISTORTION REACHING A PEAK, BEFORE DECREASING] ELIAS: It won’t be that bad, Peter~ [CHUCKLE] You’ll see. Now: he’ll be here soon, so you can leave, or…

Cue Peter being disintegrated. “won’t be that bad”.

(In Elias’s case, it was probably about The Watcher’s Crown happening and Peter having to live under The Eye, since it was before Peter announced that no, he would stick around to make it hard on Jon? But ouft.)

- I do love how Peter’s own statement didn’t even try to portray him in a good light (filthy rich, not doing much with his life or to create money on his own, only spending it? And utterly unrepentant about sacrificing people), but also showed how… pathetic he actually was? It really feels like he was broken since his childhood, and I was especially !! over this bit:

(MAG159) PETER: Gertrude was the one that scared me. She seemed to have no interest in meeting me whatsoever, something… I appreciated, but there was something in her eyes when she looked at me, as though she was making a calculation and I was an unwanted integer she was deciding whether to remove. It wasn’t until much later that I realised exactly how true that was. Still, it seems I was never a pressing enough concern for her to sail out after me, or even wait until I’d made port and waylay me. I suppose even she couldn’t have predicted how it would all turn out.

… He described her as a child would. How this big, undecipherable, scary adult could harm him, and how he would have been unable to do anything against that. It was also there in the way he seemed to constantly miss the point, although he had claimed to Martin that he was “focusing on the big picture” (MAG126):

* The Daedalus project. The Dark went full-force into it, created a device they would use for their ritual (and which had survived the failed attempt until Jon destroyed it in MAG143); it contributed to Simon’s research for his own next ritual attempt (MAG151: “Oh goodness no, that’s the future my boy! […] Honestly, I’m pinning most of my long-term hopes on space – but that’s at least a hundred years away.”); meanwhile, Peter:

(MAG159) PETER: I started it, shortly before Simon convinced me to join him with his little space experiment. It was interesting, of course! But in the end, a tremendous waste of money, just to scare a single astronaut. But I had it in my mind that it might distract from my true attempt.

Peter “focusing on the big picture” Lukas only spilled all that cash for an experiment on one person without… even… thinking… that maybe… it could serve… bigger/greater plans…

* The fact that a few details from his ritual attempts were personal biases – the only description we have of Peter is that he’s “white” and “very pale” for a sailor, so, big surprise that he would only pick white people for his project. (And he was obsessed with so many details in his description of the building? I mean, on the one hand, he got a good reading of how modern people’s fears worked (although he got help to nail it); on the other hand, it also read as an accumulation of small silly little details meant to casually make people’s lives worse… but not a Grand Plan or something. It was fairly efficient, it fits The Lonely, but still. The Dark and The Stranger plotted their ritual for years with an accumulation of esoteric symbols and dedication and The Lonely had to be an attempt coming from One Guy, and one of the evilnesses of said plan relied on cutting off people’s Internet. And he got defeated by a headline in the newspaper.)

(I’m not even sure that it was Gertrude who was responsible for the headline because, to be fair, that could as well have been Elias’s doing.)

* Still rezudisjnezd that he named the ritual “The Silence” only because he thought they had to have a name. It’s just. Lacking so much love and Conviction.

* Peter was ultimately played by everyone: Elias staged his encounter with Martin in MAG108, ensuring that Peter would pick him (was it because of Melanie&Basira’s conversation in MAG106, about the fact that Martin had a crush on Jon? Did Elias think that it would work as a safeguard to ensure that Martin would choose Jon over The Lonely?), and riled him up enough to go wait for Jon in The Lonely although it wasn’t part of their deal. Martin waited his time before dropping Peter at the last moment in the Panopticon. Even in this episode, Jon… lured him out:

(MAG159) PETER: [DISTORTED] Yes. I suppose you did. [FOOTSTEPS] … Where are your friends, Archivist? [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Tim and Sasha are dead. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] Yes. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Daisy and Basira are… probably dead. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] Because – of – you. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Georgie and Melanie have left me. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] And? [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Martin’s gone. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] You’re alone, Archivist. The last one standing. I did warn you, I did want you to leave but… perhaps it would be better if you stayed a while. After all, you can’t hurt anyone in here. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Yes… [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] Yes. [FOOTSTEPS STOP] ARCHIVIST: [STATIC] … Or perhaps you could answer some questions. PETER: [DISTORTED] … What? ARCHIVIST: [STATIC INCREASES] I wouldn’t try to leave if I were you. I can See you now. I can find you wherever you go.

(J–Jon, that does count as “honey-trap”.)

* Feeding the pitiful vibes (not sympathetic ones): the fact that Peter was aware of his fatal flaw and the fact that he was predictable, not a big enough threat for anyone? And there was the casual awareness, too, that he wouldn’t come back, or at least wouldn’t come back to what he loved:

(MAG159) PETER: Some of my most peaceful memories were on the Tundra. I had gathered a small group of trusted souls, who I knew were loyal and dedicated – to… my money. They had no qualms or morals about what we did on that boat, and at my request, each signed to the ship under a false name, so I would never have to know who they were. Those Lonely nights of sacrifice, and waiting, hearing the dreadful sound of my ancestors’ whistle drift over the dark and brooding waters, knowing another soul was leaving this world… God, I wish I was there now…! Locked in my cabin, staring over the quiet emptiness of the open ocean. But it’s moored now, and I came on land, at Elias’s request. My crew is out there waiting for a call I think I am now unlikely ever to give them. […] Thinking about it now, perhaps one of the reasons I lasted as long as I did was that I was, at the end of the day, predictable. A “known quantity”. I had my little patch, sending my poor lost sailors to their Forsaken end, but I rarely stepped outside of it. When I think of all those I met who travelled in this secret world we found ourselves in – Gertrude, Simon, Mikaele, even Rayner… there are plenty whose lives might well have been easier with my death, but it was rare that I strayed outside my habits. […] Maybe that’s why, when I crossed paths with Adelard Dekker, we ended up talking, and he told me his theory of The Extinction – something that stayed with me even after he died pursuing it.

(* The way Adelard Dekker just casually chatted to Peter about his theory was revealing: we saw Adelard binding the Not!Them to the Web table, following an End avatar to neutralise him for some time and prevent further victims, confronting John Amherst at the cost of his own life… but Peter Lukas? Adelard chatted with him about his convictions and theories regarding a new Fear emerging.)

* The way Peter was obliterated on all accounts?? He got played by everyone, learned that Martin was not loyal to him, lost his bet with Elias, Jon tore his statement from his sore mouth (and DANG was Alasdair’s voice acting incredible, with Peter’s voice getting hoarser and hoarser as his story was dragged down from his throat; Peter wasn’t used to talking that much, clearly), then obliterated him in his own territory – The Lonely, with the sound of the waves reminiscent of the sea Peter loved. And Jon managed to get Martin and to get him back to himself, and is now ready to leave The Lonely. And nail into the coffin:

(MAG159) ARCHIVIST: Martin…! He’s gone, Martin. He is gone. MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] His only wish was to die alone. ARCHIVIST: Tough…!

… he didn’t even get to get his last wish respected. (That “Tough…!”, jON… Jon was acting like Tim in MAG118, when Jon was complaining about cobwebs.)

- I’m surprised we never saw a Eye-Vast-Lonely collaboration at work because??? Perfect trinity, they’ve all pointed out how close they were to each of the other two?

(MAG091) MIKE: A little bit of privacy. Is that really so much to ask? I suppose it is, isn’t it? From you and yours at least. We have a lot in common, really. After all, what, what good’s the height, the terrifying draw of gravity, unless you, unless you really know the scale of what you’re facing?

(MAG151) SIMON: I mean, yes, if you want to get technical, he serves The-One-Alone, and I serve The-Falling-Titan, but – those two are a lot closer than you might imagine. After all: the larger the space you find yourself alone in, the more isolated you feel. MARTIN: [RECITING] And being aware of how lonely you are can make anywhere feel more empty. SIMON: Exactly. I’ve actually been toying with the idea of trying to do something with the scale of humanity itself; you know, emphasise all that “overpopulation” nonsense, but… honestly, it just… doesn’t ring true for me. We’re all just so tiny and pointless, you see; it’s hard to really get past it.

(MAG159) PETER: [DISTORTED] Just go. [RUMBLING SOUND] ARCHIVIST: Make me. … Unless you can’t. The Lonely and The Eye aren’t too far apart, are they? Not really. What good’s being alone if you don’t know how alone you truly are.

Though yeah, The Eye sounds compatible with a lot of things – especially given how it just fed on Peter’s misery, indiscriminately (even to the point that, you got messed up by The Dark? Well, telling your story will still feed Beholding).

- I’m not sure I understood well what Peter meant, chronology-wise, regarding his ritual:

(MAG159) PETER: My instinct was much like the others: I thought that if I could complete my ritual first, then the potential birth of the Dreadful Change would be meaningless. I started it, shortly before Simon convinced me to join him with his little space experiment. It was interesting, of course! But in the end, a tremendous waste of money, just to scare a single astronaut. But I had it in my mind that it might distract from my true attempt.

If it’s how I think it went: Adelard talked to Peter about his theory of The Extinction, so Peter began to think about his ritual, but Simon distracted him with the Daedalus project first, Peter got involved with the Daedalus, then began to get invested in his Lonely ritual for real? If so:

* Adelard’s oldest letter regarding The Extinction was from January 2006 (MAG134). He probably talked about it with Peter around that time, since…

* “Stratosphere group” launched the Daedalus in early 2007 (MAG057).

* Peter brought Gertrude and Michael Shelly towards The Great Twisting (MAG101), some time after October 2009 (as it was coming close in MAG126).

* Sean Kelly was sacrificed on the Tundra in/shortly after October 2010 (MAG033).

So the big question is whether Gertrude had already thwarted Peter’s ritual attempt by The Great Twisting, or if she did it afterwards. Peter mentioned that he was a mess right after:

(MAG159) PETER: It really knocked me back. Took me years to find myself again. I returned to the Tundra, tried to forget.

And it could fit Carlita’s description of him in MAG033? (It would mean that Peter was actually MOPING when she saw him, which could match and explain why he had felt so different from the Peter Lukas who later started looming around the Institute.)

Another question is whether “[C/K]onrad Lukas” was actually Peter under an alias, or another Lukas:

(MAG057, Carter Chilcott) “I remember the man in charge of my particular project, Conrad Lukas, made a face of rather overstated disgust when he told me I wouldn’t be up there entirely on my own. I got the distinct impression he was one of those people who feel that ethical restrictions do nothing but bind the hands of the true scientist, and leave them at the mercy of their subjects’ limitations. […] Mission Control had also supplied me with a lot of books and films and other entertainment as, like Conrad had told me at the first briefing, the experiment was into isolation – not boredom.”

But given Peter’s own stance towards fiction:

(MAG159) PETER: I had no time for… books, or television, or any of the escapes and artificial friendships of fiction. No; I was myself, and that was enough.

I’m leaning towards the idea that it was another Lukas there. So: Peter being indeed the “favoured son”, official heir, in control of the family money, and sending other Lukases to do this or that.

- Re: Adelard’s email from MAG157:

(MAG159) PETER: Maybe that’s why, when I crossed paths with Adelard Dekker, we ended up talking, and he told me his theory of The Extinction – something that stayed with me even after he died pursuing it.

It doesn’t mean that Peter was the one who put it on Jon’s desk, but at the very least, he did indeed know that Adelard was dead. (I was strongly suspecting it since Peter had never mentioned to Martin the possibility of finding Adelard or working with him, so yeah, that checks out!)

- So…

(MAG111) GERARD: Families are just useful ‘cause they can push you in the right direction. And the Lukases are very good at that. ARCHIVIST: And I imagine they’re not… reluctant to remove any members that might put that legacy at risk. GERARD: Right. You know, for a group that worships a power of Loneliness, they never seem to have any problems breeding, or finding spooky singles to marry them. Just one of those things, I guess. But most times you try to put your descendants on the path to worship, it doesn’t go great. Just takes one stubborn heir to freak out about the truth, and the whole thing comes crashing down.

(MAG159) PETER: I suppose to call myself an “only child” is, technically, untrue. Two of my sisters still live, though they disavowed the family and moved far, far away. Still… to be cut off from one’s family is its own… very special sort of loneliness, isn’t it? So we all serve, in our own ways. The other two – my brother, Aaron, and sister, Judith – well… they weren’t considerate enough to quietly grow to adulthood and disappear. They simply didn’t have the temperament to thrive in a Lukas household, always trying to… instigate games… make friends… connect with people… As far as I’m aware, they were sent away, to live their lives with very distant relatives, never to return. I’m sure it’s possible my mother resolved the matter in a less pleasant manner, but in my limited interaction with her, she never struck me as a cruel woman, and I would imagine for children that age, the fear and isolation of being uprooted, and sent away, is just as strong as that of meeting a more… grisly fate.

I’m still not sure what happened with Evan Lukas, but this episode pointed out that, actually, Lukases that do not embrace The Lonely… are the norm. Out of the five children, Peter was the only one to willingly take that path, although growing up in such a family was, yeah, enough to mess up the others and make their lives casually miserable just because they had been born in the wrong family. On the one hand, funerals seemed to be a regular thing in the family (“When I returned, I was met by my mother and a small group of stern-faced relatives that I had never seen before – except at funerals. […] I left the house again shortly after, and took to the sea, and never saw my mother again – except, of course, at funerals.”); on the other hand, I think Peter would have mentioned it, if being a Lukas but straying away from the family god had a known tendency to kill you very soon, very fast…?

So what happened with Evan Lukas exactly…? Since ~having a heart~ was actually not that uncommon, since choosing not to partake in the family faith happened to almost all Lukases, what happened for him to suddenly die and for the family to try to feed Naomi to The Lonely…?

(- The mention of funerals was so awful and funny at the same time because, yes, you understand why in this family, funerals would constitute the ideal family gathering instead of getting everyone together over birthdays or life-oriented celebrations.

… at the same time, oops, it’s exactly Like That in my extended family too.

But still: Peter’s delivery was so… Peter. I’m love him, I’m gonna miss this awful man.)

- So, we got our ~Beach episode~ with the waves in the background, complete with a murder and a hug /o/ But the atmosphere was exceptionally fitting since, when Carter Chilcott was losing it in the Daedalus, he had dreamed about graveyards and the sea (MAG057: “I’d be sleeping, strapped into my bed in the middle of the void, or at the same time floating through ancient graveyards or the open, empty sea. They weren’t hallucinations though, they were dreams – even if the cold seem to seep out of them, and into the bones of me.”). In MAG159, we had waves, but also the sound of Jon walking on gravel, which was reminiscent of a graveyard? So, the two places Peter was associated with: the sea (and the Tundra), and the graveyards (from the funerals).

- I love how the (potential) Lonely Eyes was brushed upon with subtle touch / was “maybe there” behind what what Peter wasn’t saying:

(MAG159) PETER: My mother had five children over her life, before my father finally drifted away. She was a Lukas to the core, though not born into the family, while my father, for all he believed himself keen on a life… without… obligation, gradually withered away to nothing, as she cultivated the space between them. […] It was the sort of childhood that would not be allowed if we didn’t have money, but we’re an old family with, shall we say, a… [CHUCKLE] remarkably direct line of inheritance. […] I, of course, was the favoured son, being quiet and reserved and, at all points, deeply engaged with my own loneliness.

Not surprising for a Lonely avatar? But still noticeable that Peter never mentioned the concept of producing children of his own, when he was the “favoured son” in a family with a “remarkably direct line of inheritance” (you don’t have to be gay to not want children, but.). Same with his meeting with James-Elias-Jonah:

(MAG159) PETER: But it’s moored now, and I came on land, at Elias’s request. My crew is out there waiting for a call I think I am now unlikely ever to give them. … I will call him “Elias”, for that’s how I’ve known him for most of our… acquaintance, though I originally met him when he was still “James Wright, Head of the Magnus Institute”. I considered him a dull little man at first, so keen to watch other people’s misery, to lose himself in second-hand pain and drama – exactly the sort of thing I’d always been so keen to avoid. […] I suppose that’s why I was so keen when Elias contacted me. We kept in touch, of course: my family helped fund the Institute, and he’d always been good about tipping me off to potential victims. Going through something horrific can leave you feeling very isolated indeed, especially if you know no one else will believe you. And of course… he knew I find it hard to resist a wager.

Peter “considered him a dull little man at first”, and that “at first” is saying a lot on its own, uh? (I’m screaming a bit less dignifiedly over that hesitation before “acquaintance”, because that one really felt like a way to circumvent The Eye’s compulsion, to not lie but not go into TMI territory.)

As Peter mentioned, he was a creature of habit – so, it’s almost sweet, in its own way, that he stuck to “Elias”, since it was the body he was mainly accustomed to (… well. “host-body”.)

(- SCREAMING over the concept of Elias “tipping off” Peter to victims as potential Lonely sacrifices: OF COURSE, he would, and that’s??? So horrible??? And yeah, really putting back in mind that the Institute has never been a “good” place, or even that passive: getting stories from people, feeding their trauma to The Eye, trapping them in the Archivist’s nightmares if they gave their statements live, never helping you to deal with the things that were going after you… and even ensuring that you could be snatched up by other Fears. I thought that sending Brian to the Lonely in MAG100 was a power display (snatching a victim in The Eye’s own temple under Elias’s nose), and maybe it was; but it was… also linked to the fact that anyway, Peter was used to get statement-givers after the Institute was done with them.

… come to think of it, that’s almost “sweet”/blasphemy from Elias, to throw potential victims in Peter’s direction, since it means they wouldn’t feed The Eye anymore?)

- … Peter’s statement also highlighted that Peter was (assumingly) pretty young compared to Elias-Jonah? I’m a bit sad about how ouuuuuuuuuuuuuft, in the end, Peter and Elias’s relationship doesn’t feel like two terrible people casually annoying each other and their plans, after all, but… mostly Elias indulging/toying with Peter, from start to finish? The way Peter described it, they were absolutely not on equal ground:

(MAG159) PETER: And of course… he knew I find it hard to resist a wager. If I could convince one of his staff to willingly pledge themselves to The Lonely, it was all mine. He even let me pick the victim. He was so sure the prize of the Institute, the Panopticon, and a willing vessel to use it, would be just too much for me to resist. And… he was right. Just didn’t go quite as I’d hoped. … You know, this is one of the first bets I ever made with him that I’ve actually lost. But I guess that’s how hustlers work, isn’t it? They lose, and lose, until you’re willing to put it all on the line, and then… the trap shuts. So I suppose that’s probably why I reacted so rashly, trying to rip his victory away. Keep you here. But it looks like I might have underestimated my opponent, once again.

Elias absolutely manipulated Peter from the start? He pushed him in Martin’s direction (MAG108) so the pick was rigged from the start. He lost previous bets, assumedly on purpose, just to give Peter a false sense of security. Elias got what he needed from Peter, which was at the bare minimum getting Jon to willingly experience The Lonely, and a potential few petty bonuses (making Martin’s life miserable for a few months after Martin plotted his arrest; ensuring that the Archives team would drift apart with The Lonely’s presence in the Institute; pushing Basira to leave Jon alone with the coffin, then encouraging her to take Jon to Svalbard so Jon would both face The Buried and The Dark)… meanwhile, Peter didn’t manage to get anything at all except for a few researchers? It seems that Peter was the only one to think that Elias and him were on kinda equal footing?

(I’m not excluding the possibility that Elias will be surprised/upset to learn that Jon absolutely butchered Peter, and that Elias was assuming that Peter would get out damaged but not dead, but… not banking on it. From the letters we saw, Jonah Magnus wasn’t really into attachments, and given Elias’s cackle when Peter went off to wait for Jon in The Lonely? Yeah no, all according to plan.)

- ;; Martin got back this time, but I’m not sure that his involvement with The Lonely won’t have long-lasting (well. First assuming he survives.) effects on him? His description of the comfort he found in it didn’t come out of nowhere – it’s how he had described it to the tape recorders before:

(MAG142) MARTIN: [SIGH] Th–the worst part is I don’t even want to talk to him about it. I’m just… [SIGH] I suppose I’m just getting comfortable with the distance. [SIGH] Cut off. [DRY CHUCKLE] “Lonely”. [INHALE] Mind you, Peter’s not wrong. It really is easier than actually just trying to communicate with people.

(MAG149) MARTIN: Sort of… surprised Peter hasn’t rocked up with some more… “insights”? Haven’t seen him around for a while, actually. I mean… eh, it’s not like I miss him [CHUCKLING] but, at least he was someone to– [PAUSE] … Ah. [HUFF] [PAPER RUSTLING] Yeah, that makes sense. [EXHALE] A’ight, fine. Just… me on my lonesome for a while, then. … Could be worse. … Peaceful, at least. … I don’t miss all the shouting. [CHUCKLE] Even if it w–

(MAG156) MARTIN: Mm. “Emptiness or maggots”…! It’s kinda the shape of things around here, isn’t it? Still, kind of nice to talk to some… thing. [INHALE] It’s always… quiet, these days. For me, at least. I guess I technically have the power to make it not quiet, to… to talk to people, but like… You know, I–I also have the power to clean out the fridge, and it’s still a mess. It’s not that I don’t want to clean the fridge, it’s just… Some things are just hard…! Anyway. I know he’s been listening to the tapes so, [INHALE] I guess that’ll have to do. I think I still care that he hears my voice. It’s hard to tell, sometimes. How much do I actually care; how much is just feeling that I should care. I’m on my own so much these days, I… just wish I didn’t like it so much.

(MAG159) MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] N–No. No, I don’t think so. ARCHIVIST: … Why? MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] This is where I should be. It feels right. ARCHIVIST: Martin, don’t say that. MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] Nothing hurts here. It’s just quiet. Even the fear is gentle here. ARCHIVIST: This isn’t right, this isn’t you! MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] It is, though. [CHUCKLE] I really loved you, you know? […] ARCHIVIST: Listen – I know you think you want to be here, I know you think it’s safer and w– … well, maybe it is… But we need you. I need you. MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] No, you don’t. Not really…! Everyone’s alone, but we all survive. ARCHIVIST: I don’t just want to survive! MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] I’m sorry.

Some of the things Martin said over season 4 might have been in case Peter would hear them, but there was still some bits of truth, eh? And it’s absolutely nasty from The Lonely to sell him promises of distance – not losing anymore, not being hurt ever again – when Martin had indeed lost and lost and lost.

(And ouft, the shared bits regarding how Jon and Martin experienced The Lonely and/or Peter’s influence… Peter reminded Martin of Tim and Sasha’s death right at the start of MAG158, simply by mentioning Tim and freeing Not!Sasha; Jon had to once again acknowledge whom he had lost, so Tim and Sasha, while walking in The Lonely. Martin got promised to not be hurt again; Jon got encouraged to give in because he couldn’t hurt anyone again.)

* Cries in season 4 trailer:

(S4 trailer) MARTIN: We really need you, Jon. Everything’s… It’s bad. I–I don’t know how much longer we can do this. We– … I need you. A–and… I know that you’re not… [PAUSE] I–I know th–there’s no way to… [PAUSE] But we need you. Jon. Jon, please, just… Please. If–if there’s anything left in you that can still… see us, or–or some power that you’ve still got, or–or, or something, anything – please! … Please… [SHAKY BREATHING, STRANGLED VOICE] I… I can’t…

(MAG159) ARCHIVIST: Listen – I know you think you want to be here, I know you think it’s safer and w– … well, maybe it is… But we need you. I need you. MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] No, you don’t. Not really…! Everyone’s alone, but we all survive.

Because!!! Gnn, Martin could deflect Jon like this since he had already tried to beg for help, for Jon to come back, down to the correction of “We – I need you”, and it hadn’t worked back then.

And that’s the thing with Martin, I think? He highlighted in MAG158 that he wasn’t a “chosen” one and, given his life, it indeed feels like a long string of never being chosen or favoured or saved. His father dumped him along with his mother when he was a kid (MAG118: “How old were you when your father left? Eight? Nine? When you mother began to sicken and he decided he was done with you both.”), his mother had grown to hate him although he had sacrificed his life for her well-being, quitting school to find work (MAG118: “Your mother… simply hates you. You just don’t know why! It’s not your fault. Though I know that isn’t any consolation, it’s just bad luck, really.”). Tim… had favoured him a lot, at first (still following him when Martin wanted to check on Jon at the end of season 2, warning him over what it meant to read statements during season 3) but ultimately followed his own path to avenge his brother without considering Martin a reason to stay (MAG114: “You know how long that thing pretended to be Sasha? […] And I had no idea? I knew Sasha for years, we… I don’t know Martin as well as I knew her; I barely know what Melanie and Basira look like, or that weird murder-cop.”). It has been the case with a lot of characters (Martin did that to Tim by favouring Jon over him, too?), but Basira and Daisy had each other, Georgie and Melanie found each other, and given his backstory, it’s… not really a surprise that a weak spot would be the fact that, although he’s trying to be the caretaker and the caregiver, Martin mostly wanted to be cared for by someone…? (And it wasn’t anyone’s responsibility or duty to provide that, except for his parents, and that part had been screwed for most of his life already.) (Well, tho. Technically, Martin has been “chosen” thrice recently: by Elias when he pushed Peter in his direction, by Peter when he picked Martin for their bet – and now by Jon.)

So tl;dr SOMEONE CAME FOR MARTIN, and independently from the fact that it was Jon, I’m so glad for him? ;w; Especially with the contrast between the two times Martin was made to experience Eye powers:

(MAG118) ELIAS: The resemblance is quite uncanny: the face of the man she hates, who destroyed her life, watching over her; feeding her; cleaning her; looking down on her with such pity– MARTIN: [RAGGED] Shut! Up! ELIAS: Do you want to know what she sees when she looks a you? [STATIC INTENSIFIES] MARTIN: [STRANGLED BREATHING AND CRIES] [FOR LONG] [LONG] [STRANGLED SOBS] [STATIC FADES OUT] ELIAS: Don’t. burn. any more. statements.

(MAG159) ARCHIVIST: Martin… Martin, look at me. Look at me, and tell me what you see. [STATIC RISES] MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] I see… [INHALE] I see you, Jon. [BREATHLESS CHUCKLE] [PRESENT, ECHO FADES] I see you…! ARCHIVIST: Oh, Martin… [CLOTHES RUSTLING] MARTIN: [FRANTIC BREATHING] I w–I was on my own…! I was all on my own… ARCHIVIST: Not anymore. Come on – let’s go home…

In both cases: showing, seeing… but in order to hurt him (thx Elias), and in order to comfort/love him (jON!!). Souring and taking vs. … giving?

And it felt like such a completion for Jon, too! Because Sasha had died in a blind spot, unnoticed until Jon could pick up on and puzzle together what had happened to her. Tim died “thanks” to Jon giving him the means to fight against The Unknowing’s effects, through the compulsion.

(MAG119) ARCHIVIST: Tim!! [STATIC] What do you see? TIM: I see my asshole boss! W– wait… wait… SARAH: Spoil-sport. NIKOLA: Tim… TIM: … Grimaldi. NIKOLA: Once, a long time ago, before Orsinov made me. And sometimes, even now, on special occasions. Like your brother! DISTORTED MALE VOICE: Shall I? ARCHIVIST: Tim! [STATIC] What’s in your hand? TIM: It’s… I don’t… the– the– … the detonator…

And we got a glimpse of how the people Jon had lost, permanently or spiritually, were still impacting him:

(MAG159) PETER: [DISTORTED, END OF SENTENCES ECHOING] I tried to tell you. He’s gone. He made his choice. And it wasn’t you. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: … It was for me, though. I’m the reason he…! … I did this to him as much as you. PETER: [DISTORTED] Yes. I suppose you did. [FOOTSTEPS] … Where are your friends, Archivist? [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Tim and Sasha are dead. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] Yes. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Daisy and Basira are… probably dead. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] Because – of – you. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Georgie and Melanie have left me. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] And? [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Martin’s gone. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] You’re alone, Archivist. The last one standing. I did warn you, I did want you to leave but… perhaps it would be better if you stayed a while. After all, you can’t hurt anyone in here.

Jon, who had failed to save anyone… finally managed to get Martin (/an assistant) back. Regardless of Jon’s personal feelings for Martin, it’s still so much…! Peter was right to point out that they don’t know each other that much (and I’m glad that someone finally addressed it), but it’s not that much relevant when there is still a desire to reach the other, like we saw? I’m glad for that this small bubble of hug and comfort was found…

(;; But. He did save Martin. Thanks to The Eye’s powers. It was a mix of himself as a human and of supernatural means, but… It’s not the kind of series where using these powers is ever a positive thing in the medium to long run.)

(I’m still not sure what I want Jon to have done there!! If it was to focus and anchor Martin, or to Show His Inner Self to him. Whatever Martin saw, it pleased him; it might not be a Good Thing given that Jon had just murdered someone but!! Still. Martin was happy?? Relieved??? In my TMA??? I’m so worried over what the next episode will do to shatter that orz)

- edcnjxerfd Peter please.

(MAG159) PETER: [DISTORTED] You’ve still got time, Archivist. Turn around, and leave. You’ve played your part; now, go. ARCHIVIST: What’s wrong, Lukas? Afraid of talking face to face? PETER: [DISTORTED] [LAUGH] Of course! Or haven’t you been paying attention? ARCHIVIST: [GRUNT] [FOOTSTEPS] Mar–tin!

Glad that it was acknowledged that yeah, Peter had been avoiding him for the entirety of season 4; extra-glad that Jon is receiving that as a slow burn.

- Re: Jon => he was incredibly scary, I’m Very Worried because, despite the hug, despite the comfort, despite Martin being found/chosen and Jon finally managing to save someone, it was still Jon’s powers who saved him… and it had been a good thing when it had happened with the coffin according to Elias.

And Jon was incredibly predatory in this episode: he didn’t need Peter’s statement! He crushed him to extort it, like with Breekon and Manuela! He still pushed to get more afterwards, leading to Peter’s annihilation! … and yeah, One Less Avatar Doing Harm, but it had nothing to do with that or saving Martin. It was pure Eye hunger; and we saw with Daisy and the Section 31 officers that this kind of violence is not written to be perceived as positive (it’s cruelty and violence for the sake of violence, it has nothing to do with fairness or justice). As much as I prefer to see Jon being like this to other avatars rather than to innocents… I’m afraid that it could also mean that he’s going to fall back into hunting people, if Elias’s immediate plans don’t incapacitate him? Who would make sure that he doesn’t? Melanie has left; Daisy is lost; Basira is… we don’t know yet. (And Martin but ;; Martin was too happy, there has to be a trick and he’ll be either stuck back in The Lonely or in the Panopticon or serve as a new body for Jonah, or get killed and trapped in the End book, uh.)

- Something that gets me is how heavily Jon’s journey to The Lonely sounds like his descent into the coffin?

(MAG128, Breekon) “It was waiting. I fed her to it. She took him from me. Made us a me, and she doesn’t get to die for that. She gets to live, trapped, and helpless, and entombed forever. No prey, no hunt, no movement. We failed, but I have at least that comfort. I am without him, now. I. am. I can feel myself fading. Weak. No reason to move. Nothing to deliver. But I am no longer tied to the casket; so you can have it. You can stare at it, knowing how your feral friend suffers, knowing how powerless you are to help. And when you can’t bear it any longer, knowing that you can climb in and join her…”

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: I have her voice. I think that should be enough to find her, and I’m leaving my– … I’ll leave it with the tape. I should be able to find my way back to it… I think. Wish me luck…! … Although I suppose if you’re hearing this, then I… I didn’t have any. I don’t know. I’m… I’m scared. [SHORT CHUCKLE] When does the fear go away…? […] It’s okay… I’ve… I’ve got a plan. DAISY: I–is this like all your other plans? ARCHIVIST: It’s fine, I just… I just need to… to find it. DAISY: What? ARCHIVIST: Come on… Come on, where I… DAISY: Jon? ARCHIVIST: … Come on… [STATIC] [SHAKY BREATHING] DAISY: Jon? ARCHIVIST: I know… DAISY: Th–the way out? ARCHIVIST: No… I know where we are! There isn’t no out, not here. This is… this is forever deep below creation. Where the weight of existence bears down… This is The Buried, and we are alive… There isn’t even an up. … Oh god… What have I done! What have I done… […] [STATIC RISING] D–Daisy… DAISY: Uh, I’m, I’m here. ARCHIVIST: I I can… I–It… it’s closer. DAISY: What is? ARCHIVIST: M–my, my… my anchor? My… A–a  rib, I can f–, I can fee– … I know the way! [DIGGING SOUNDS] DAISY: Wh–what? H–how– ARCHIVIST: I don’t… It’s like… My mindlink is… it’s stronger…

(MAG134) PETER: What does puzzle me, though, and I mean that genuinely, is… why you were piling tape recorders onto the coffin, while Jon was in there. [PAUSE] It’s a question, Martin, it’s– it’s not an accusation. MARTIN: I don’t know. And I just… felt like it might help. He’s always recording, I thought… it–it might help him… find his way out. PETER: Interesting. Were you compelled? MARTIN: [SULLEN] … I don’t know. … M–maybe? I–I, I definitely wanted to do it… PETER: But? MARTIN: I’m… I’m not sure where the idea came from.

(MAG135) ELIAS: I needed a way to force him to harness his ability more acutely than he had before. The coffin was a useful tool; Daisy an adequate bait. BASIRA: Then you messed up. Way he tells it, he doesn’t know how he got out of there. ELIAS: But he did. And his powers were no small part of it. Even if he required some assistance, they were what saved him. And he’s still achieved what no one – mortal, monster, or anything in-between – has ever been able to. He climbed out of The Buried.

(MAG136) DAISY: Jon… when you went into the coffin. Was it you choosing to do that? Did you actually think you could save me, or was… that something telling you to do it? [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: It was me. I was… drawn to it, I’ll admit, but it was my decision. [PAUSE] It wasn’t entirely about you, though. […] If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever… I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else so, if I can maybe stop that happening, and [DRY CHUCKLE] the only danger is to me, I– I’ll do it in a heartbeat; worst case scenario… the universe loses another monster. DAISY: That’s messed up. ARCHIVIST: [LOW SELF-DEPRECATIVE DRY LAUGHTER] … Yeah. I suppose it is. DAISY: Did you know the coffin wouldn’t kill you? ARCHIVIST: I– guess I thought imprisonment wouldn’t… wouldn’t be as bad as it was. DAISY: [SHAKY SIGH] ARCHIVIST: And it’s a lot easier to make that choice than it is to actually… endure the result. You might have noticed when I was in there with you, I… I had regrets.

So: warned about the danger of going inside the coffin, fearing it when he was on the verge of doing it, suffering from it once inside; a main motivation to still try was that it was a way to save Daisy; was initially trapped/made to experience what The Buried is about… until Jon’s powers kicked in and he managed to get back to the surface.

Rinse and repeat with The Lonely:

(MAG158) ELIAS: Peter. [PAUSE] It’s time. [SILENCE] PETER: … Fine. MARTIN: Great. [VERY SHARP SQUEALS OF DISTORTION INCREASING] Now, perhaps if one of you, then, can tell me what– [SHARP SQUEALS OF DISTORTION REACHING A PEAK, BEFORE DECREASING] ELIAS: It won’t be that bad, Peter~ [CHUCKLE] You’ll see. Now: he’ll be here soon, so you can leave, or… PETER: Oh no. No. I’m not gonna make it easy on him. You haven’t won yet. ELIAS: Your choice. Just make sure to leave the door open. […] ARCHIVIST: … You want me to follow him. ELIAS: No, Jon. You want you to follow him. I simply want you to know that if you do so, you are almost certainly not coming back. To go into The Lonely willingly is as good as death. ARCHIVIST: … How do I do it? ELIAS: [INHALE] Wasn’t too long ago. And I’m sure traces of their passage still remain.  Just open your mind. Drink it all in. Know their route, [VERY SHARP SQUEALS OF DISTORTION, INCREASING] and simply… follow it. ARCHIVIST: [LOUDER BREATHING] ELIAS: Very good. Are you scared, Jon? ARCHIVIST: Yes… ELIAS: Perfect.

(MAG159) PETER: [DISTORTED] You’ve still got time, Archivist. Turn around, and leave. You’ve played your part; now, go. […] You’re alone, Archivist. The last one standing. I did warn you, I did want you to leave but… perhaps it would be better if you stayed a while. After all, you can’t hurt anyone in here. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Yes… [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] Yes. [FOOTSTEPS STOP] ARCHIVIST: [STATIC] … Or perhaps you could answer some questions. PETER: [DISTORTED] … What? ARCHIVIST: [STATIC INCREASES] I wouldn’t try to leave if I were you. I can See you now. I can find you wherever you go. […] MARTIN: [FRANTIC BREATHING] I w–I was on my own…! I was all on my own… ARCHIVIST: Not anymore. Come on – let’s go home… MARTIN: How? ARCHIVIST: [SOFTLY] Don’t worry. I know the way.

In both cases, Jon went in to save someone despite his own fears (or because of them), got initially stuck (Buried and made to understand he couldn’t leave it; haunted by Peter who was trying to goad him to stay in the Lonely because of everything he had lost) until… his powers kicked back to the surface, fighting resistances until he could get out of here – in both cases, “I know the way”.

Still unsure over what was his anchor or the thing that actually pulled him out of there – was it his connection to The Eye, through the statements…? Was it truly his rib, though it needed a bit of amplification? Was it specifically his connection to the audio recordings, Web stuff, the lighter? Martin was used to do something, back with the coffin, and given that 1°) Peter and Elias had an ongoing bet relying on Elias’s non-interference, 2°) Peter accused Elias of having interfered in MAG158, so it was a possibility (and put in another perspective the way he asked if Martin had been “compelled” to help Jon in MAG134: he may have suspected it was Elias’s doing), 3°) … Elias apparently can “call” Jon indeed (MAG158: “Ah, Jon. I was almost worried…! You found your way all right.” “Yes. … Ye–yes, I did… How?” “Suffice it to say I called you.”), it’s also possible that it is just Elias calling him back right now… we’ll see, I guess. Are Martin and Jon going to come out surrounded by tape recorders…? …………… or past statement-givers who have been “called” here too…?

- Another point of worry when comparing the coffin and The Lonely trip: what happened after Jon… got out from the coffin.

(MAG146) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Jess Tyrell, the woman on the tape… [SIGH] She was the fourth. I–I just tried to… I was weak, r–ravenous, I–I didn’t feel… … The first was a supermarket cleaner. Em, ended up lost for a week in an endless warehouse. I didn’t even…! I–I just went in for some shopping, and he was there, and I–I just… asked. The second was, uh, it was after I got… stabbed by Melanie. MELANIE: You are not putting this on me! ARCHIVIST: No, that’s not what I meant! [SIGH] I was walking the streets, I–I thought I was trying to clear my head– DAISY: [DELIBERATE] But you were hunting. ARCHIVIST: … Apparently. I found a woman who… every year on her birthday, wakes up in a fresh grave. Just for her. DAISY: And the third was after the coffin. ARCHIVIST: A man rejected by all who knew him, searching ever-darker places for love. When he told me his story, he started… weeping maggots.

On the one hand: Jon gave in and took Peter’s statement – it should count as “feeding”. On the other hand: he used his powers on him right after (to the point of Peter’s… destruction), used them again with Martin, and may be relying on them again to leave The Lonely. The situation mirrors what happened with the trip against The Dark – taking Manuela’s statement, then using his powers to destroy the Dark Sun – and that one had not left Jon in an amazing state (MAG145: “We’ve been back in London for just over a week, now. I’m… more or less recovered physically.”).

Right when he left, Trevor and Julia had been wrecking havoc in the Institute, Hunting staff members; Basira had pointed out that cases happening in the Institute meant an automatic Section 31, which means there could be Section’d officers full of stories heading there… Which… is extra bad given Jon’s current state…?

- ;; Martin was at his softest and I still can’t believe the sheer relief in his voice, the fact he was getting One Nice Thing… But aouch, the context in itself hurts so much?

Jon taking Peter’s statement had nothing to do with saving Martin, and it was clearly an Eye monster getting what it wanted here:

(MAG159) ARCHIVIST: Yes… [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] Yes. [FOOTSTEPS STOP] ARCHIVIST: [STATIC] … Or perhaps you could answer some questions. PETER: [DISTORTED] … What? ARCHIVIST: [STATIC INCREASES] I wouldn’t try to leave if I were you. I can See you now. I can find you wherever you go. [STRONG STATIC] PETER: Fine! It was just a thought. [STATIC DECREASES] So leave. ARCHIVIST: Not before I get some answers. PETER: That’s not going to happen. ARCHIVIST: [STATIC] Tell me your story, Peter Lukas. [STATIC INCREASES] PETER: No…! ARCHIVIST: Tell me! PETER: [GROANING, STRUGGLING] Fine! Fine. […] I’m. Not saying. Another. Word. [STATIC INCREASES] ARCHIVIST: Tell me, or I will rip it out of you! [STATIC INCREASES] PETER: [STRUGGLING] No…! ARCHIVIST: Answer. My question! PETER: NO! Leave – me – ALONE! [STATIC INCREASES] ARCHIVIST: TELL ME! PETER: [GROANING SCREAM] [RIPPING, EXPLODING SOUND] [STATIC FADES] ARCHIVIST: … Stubborn fool…

Peter was not an innocent, was horrible; although he was indeed born in a bad family, we clearly saw that that doesn’t necessarily mean turning into a monster (his brothers and sisters either didn’t have the personality, or cut ties as soon as they became adults). This is still a lifestyle he chose to embrace, relying on sacrificing innocents?

But even then, it really doesn’t make Jon’s actions heroic and “right” at all: forcing Peter to spill his story, destroying someone who couldn’t do much more damage to him or Martin and whose last words were “Leave me alone” (ffs), and almost shruggingly putting the blame on Peter afterwards. In this episode, although Peter tried to ~seduce~ Jon into The Lonely, the monster clearly was Jon: Jon, who fed The Eye through Peter and got himself fed through Peter’s misery and revealed secrets, and who used Eye powers to destroy Peter. Even if he did some good (?) to Martin, it was still by using the same powers, granted by that Fear god, in the same episode during which Jon broke his hunger strike (“only” three months, from Manuela on the 16th of June, to Peter on the 25th of September)… and that really can’t be good, uh.

(- ;; Also ;; That association of the archives/the institute as Jon’s “home”…

(MAG143) HELEN: Go find your Basira. Then, let’s get you both home. (MAG159) ARCHIVIST: Not anymore. Come on – let’s go home…

Not good ;; Maybe it will turn out that Jon was planning to get Martin out of the institute in that last one, but I doubt it ;;)

(But that switch, with Jon going from “I killed a man because he didn’t want to answer my questions” to “Martin!”:

(MAG159) ARCHIVIST: … Stubborn fool… [FOOTSTEPS] Martin…! He’s gone, Martin. He is gone. MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] His only wish was to die alone. ARCHIVIST: Tough…! Now, listen to me, Martin. Li–listen… MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] Oh, hello, Jon. ARCHIVIST: Listen – I know you think you want to be here, I know you think it’s safer and w– … well, maybe it is… But we need you. I need you.

Jon confirmed as a cat, going from murderous to uwu in a few seconds.)

- There were a few things in Peter’s statement which put me in mind of Robert Smirke’s letter:

(MAG138, Robert Smirke) “I have been blessed with a long life, something few who crossed paths with the Dread Powers can boast, but now… at the end of it, my true fear is that I have wasted it, chasing an impossible dream. […] So many have abandoned us, casting about for rituals that I helped design. In my excited discussions with Mr. Rayner, I… perhaps extrapolated too much from his talk of a “Grand Ritual” of darkness. The Dark, I thought, was simply one of the Powers so, it stands to reason that each of them should have its own ritual. Perhaps they already did, even before I put pen to paper. They certainly do now, and I shudder to think how Lukas, Scott and the others may use this conception.”

(MAG159) PETER: Thinking about it now, perhaps one of the reasons I lasted as long as I did was that I was, at the end of the day, predictable. A “known quantity”. I had my little patch, sending my poor lost sailors to their Forsaken end, but I rarely stepped outside of it. When I think of all those I met who travelled in this secret world we found ourselves in – Gertrude, Simon, Mikaele, even Rayner… there are plenty whose lives might well have been easier with my death, but it was rare that I strayed outside my habits.

It was mostly the overall tone of someone who knows they’re going to die soon, with the statement feeling more like a testament at that moment? But, in Smirke’s case, he was still seeing people (although corrupted) still going on, which quite contrasts with Peter since…

Season 4 really feels like a season clearing up and “concluding” a lot of stories which had been ongoing until now? We learned about so many rituals, and how they weren’t a pressing concern or an ongoing issue for the next decades (Gertrude took care of The Spiral, The Buried, The Flesh, The Lonely; The Slaughter and The Vast have wasted their chance recently, same for (Jon  thinks) The Corruption; both Elias and Gertrude had understood that The Dark wouldn’t succeed in 2015; Agnes’s doubts prevented The Desolation’s from happening; team Archives handled The Stranger at the end of season 3; The Hunt, The End and The Web can’t complete their rituals or don’t have any interest in doing so). And at the same time, we also got so many confirmations over reccurring characters’ fates and the circumstances in which they died and got neutralised, at least officially: The Stranger’s minions exploded at the end of season 3 (only leaving Breekon, who was Known by Jon rather forcefully); Gertrude’s hypothesis regarding Tom Haan in MAG130 revealed that we had probably witnessed his ending in MAG030 already (fading away, following his failed ritual); there wasn’t any trick and Maxwell Rayner seemed to have indeed been taken care of in the events related in MAG073 (MAG135, MAG140, MAG143), [Vardan Darvish] had indeed been killed in the events described in MAG109, and Manuela Dominguez, one of the last cultist, was swallowed by Helen’s doors in MAG143; we witnessed a (?) Web avatar’s last moment in MAG136; Agnes Montague indeed organised her assisted suicide in MAG067 (MAG139, MAG145); though still shrouded in mystery, Mikaele Salesa has been (at least officially) dead for years (MAG141); Eric Delano had indeed been dead since the 90s (MAG154); Adelard Dekker died shortly before Gertrude (MAG157), ensuring John Amherst’s confinement and neutralisation for a long time at least. We already knew about Gertrude’s death (we heard her getting shot live in season 4, tho); we heard Leitner’s murder; Gerry Keay stopped living and then actually died when Jon burned his page; Mary Keay had been dead for a few years and Gertrude had burned her page; Jane Prentiss died at the end of season 1; Arthur Nolan’s death was described in MAG055; Diego Molina in MAG012; Raymond Fielding had been taken care of by Agnes in the 70s; Mike Crew was murdered/Buried in MAG091; “Michael” was replaced in MAG102… and now, we can add Peter Lukas to the list of avatars/monsters who are not current concerns anymore.

Who are the recurring figures left and still kicking, at this point? Amongst the old or middle-aged ones: Jared Hopworth (Flesh, turned avatar in 1996, manhandled by Helen at the end of MAG131 but set free), Jude Perry (Desolation, turned avatar in 1991, still kicking though their ritual was neutralised), Trevor Herbert (Hunt, old as balls), Daisy (Hunt, began to deal with the supernatural as a child and formally starting 2002; Trevor and Daisy might be currently destroying each other), “Elias Bouchard” (Beholding, Jonah being more than 200 years old), Simon Fairchild (Vast, a few centuries old, having a blast).

We have a few recent avatars around: Oliver Banks (End, turned in or after 2015), Annabelle Cane (Web, turned in 2010), Helen-the-Distortion (Spiral, took over in 2017), Julia Montauk (embraced The Hunt in Summer 2010), Jon (Beholding, gradually groomed into avatarhood from late 2015 to early 2018), potentially Martin (Beholding-touched Lonely, late 2017 and 2018).

… it really feels like a clean slate? What can there be afterwards, an expansion of that new generation of avatars, or nothing at all…? (We still have The Extinction, and Hill Top Road, and most likely Beholding happening or trying to happen right now… but it really feels like a current cycle has been reaching its end…?

- WorriedAboutElias™ T____T

(MAG135) BASIRA: [DRY SIGH] What was the point? You won’t be getting your ritual off from in here so, what do you need him for? What’s so important you need him stronger?

(MAG158) ELIAS: You’ve lost, Peter. Admit it. […] Peter. [PAUSE] It’s time. […] It won’t be that bad, Peter~ [CHUCKLE] You’ll see. Now: he’ll be here soon, so you can leave, or… PETER: Oh no. No. I’m not gonna make it easy on him. You haven’t won yet. ELIAS: Your choice. Just make sure to leave the door open. [VERY SHARP SQUEALS OF DISTORTION INCREASING, REACHING A PEAK, THEN DECREASING AND STOPPING] ELIAS: [LONG, ECHOING, DELIGHTED LAUGHTER] [SELF-CONTENDED SIGH]

(MAG159) PETER: So I suppose that’s probably why I reacted so rashly, trying to rip his victory away. Keep you here. But it looks like I might have underestimated my opponent, once again. ARCHIVIST: … What was his prize? What did he get, if you lost? PETER: Oh, he got you. ARCHIVIST: … I, I don’t understand. PETER: And you won’t. Not from me. I’m done.

… I do love and hate equally both meaning behind that “he got you”: as in, “he fooled you” and “his prize was you”.

Question still open as to what Elias wanted Jon to do exactly, and how he’s now planning to use it. For the second part, given his questions about Jon’s fear, I’d say it was about Jon’s experiencing The Lonely as a fear and/or getting an experience of it through first-hand experience (Jon being afraid of it, Jon picking it apart once inside of it and knowing it intimately); could still be about collecting the statement of a Lonely-worshipper, too, since Elias had been… delighted… right after Peter had decided to make it harder for Jon although his presence wasn’t part of their deal (given how Peter had been played by everyone until now… he could have been fooled about that part too. Elias did mention that “Your choice~”, and the bastard is all about rubbing your own mistakes in your face, even when he engineered everything for you to make that decision).

And now, Jon has known all the Fourteen Fears, got to “to experience them, whether first-hand or through the eyes of others” (MAG092): he has done both, completing the set of getting statements, live or written, from people serving through the sacrifices of innocents or overtaken by a Power, and experiencing direct manifestations:

* Everything about The Eye.

* The Web: Annabelle Cane’s insight into The Web (MAG147) / being controlled by A Guest For Mr. Spider (MAG080).

* The Corruption: Jane Prentiss’s being contaminated by The Hive (MAG032) / The Hive’s worms burrowing themselves into him (MAG039).

* The Spiral: Michael-The-Distortion’s statement (MAG102) / Michael’s and Helen’s corridors (MAG078, MAG079 and MAG143).

* The Desolation: Jude Perry’s statement / his hand burned to a crisp (MAG089).

* The Vast: Mike Crew’s statement / enjoy sky blue from your chair (MAG091).

* The Hunt: Daisy’s statement (MAG061), Trevor&Julia’s statement (MAG109) / hunted by Daisy (MAG091) and Julia (MAG107) (“Do I miss being chased…?”).

* The Stranger: Breekon’s “extracted” statement (MAG128) / got to learn the feeling through the Not!Them in season 2, got to “See” Nikolas (MAG119), the overall Unknowing experience.

* The End: Oliver Banks’s statement (MAG121), bonus Tova McHugh (MAG155) / the whole refusing to die and becoming something else post-explosion (MAG120, MAG121).

* The Slaughter: Melanie’s account (MAG117) (?) / Melanie’s murderous attempts in the second half of season 3 and beginning of season 4, culminating with getting stabbed at the end of MAG125.

* The Flesh: Jared Hopworth’s statement / body twisted and two ribs being taken (MAG131).

* The Buried: Hezekiah Wakely’s statement (MAG152) / going into the coffin and learning what is Too-Close-I-Cannot-Breathe (MAG132).

* The Dark: Manuela Dominguez’s written (MAG135) and live (MAG143) statements / killing the Dark Sun by sight (MAG143).

* The Lonely: Peter Lukas’s statement / going into The Lonely (MAG159).

=> idk if it was misleading, or if yeah, completing the set was the point all along, but if the latter: I hope that Elias minimising The Extinction and not initially factoring it in could bite him in the arse (MAG138: “In my case, while Peter has talked of it before, it is only very recently that I’ve been forced to admit The Extinction is real.”)

Other actors who could do something in MAG160:

* Helen, who’s probably been eating popcorn and enjoying the chaos but… could still do something else to make things a bit worse.

* Annabelle: we know that she has plans for Jon and needed him alive for something (MAG147: “I’ve simply been… watching. I’m sure you understand that. Maybe I’ve occasionally been nudging something here and there to keep you safe, to keep everything on track.” + Oliver went to push Jon to wake up at the request of someone from The Web), and we still don’t know what that is… She could be collaborating with Elias, or she could be planning to stab him last moment, I guess?

* Baaaaaaaaasiiiiiiraaaa: she had left the chaos by the end of MAG158, I don’t think she has many other options than trying to reach the Panopticon herself…? And all season has been about her getting misled and manipulated by Elias, making bad decisions and/or not managing to get any “win”… (=> on the one hand, there is still a knife in the Panopticon near Jonah’s original body and his current one; on the other hand, Basira had also been associated to her search for Annabelle Cane in this second half, insisting to go to Hill Top Road, being told by Elias to drop it, explaining to Jon that she was still trying to find her… So if anything regarding Annabelle happens, I’m kinda expecting it to be through or with Basira.)

(Oooooooorrrr… plain timeskip and we don’t know what happened exactly / only get glimpses and clues thanks to MAG160? MAG158’s summary felt a bit more canon/relevant than usual: “#0182509-A – Original recording of events leading to the disappearances of Jonathan Sims, Martin Blackwood, Alice Tonner and Peter Lukas.” and we got a B-side with MAG159. That leaves Basira and Elias as people who aren’t perceived as having ~disappeared~ by the time of that summary, so… either dead, or in plain sight.)

MAG160’s title is [REDACTED] and that’s a 16th Fear on its own. Idk. Straightforward “Watcher’s Crown”, terrible Eye Pun, “Anniversary”, “Mr Blackwood-Sims”, surprise!Web title (“Mother”)?? I have no idea, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrg ;; (I wanna hope for a kinda soft, bittersweet ending for this season, allowing us to breathe a bit and enjoy the hiatus before everything ends terribly in season 5? But realistically: it’s prob Watcher’s Crown Time or Extinction emergence time or Web hijacking time and we’ll spend the next months in agony and dread and worry and mourning, uh.)

(Had a dream last night that the episode was delayed and released when I was on my way to get another friend back to my home, so I only came home to witness the early chaos of Aza and other people listening: title was “If I stay long enough to live” (???), and it was mostly dealing with Tessa Winters and Extinction (???). Fun times

[daddychims]

Offside pt 4

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Series Masterlist!

Genre: Smut, Soccer AU, College AU

Pairings: Soccer Player! Jungkook X Sports Trainer! Reader

Word Count: 2k

Other BTS members all make a cameo as well because I’m an OT7 Trash!

You work as a sports trainer, providing basic first aid and injury management for the Hanguk University’s soccer team. Going with your mundane life of caring for the dozen of guys hurting themselves in the soccer game takes a turn when one of the guys catches your eyes. It’s not his breathtakingly good looks or his muscular athletic body usually seducing girls at the campus that catches your eyes. But the action plan in your kit, indicating he is diagnosed with Asthma is what draws your eyes time and time again to the Golden Boy of Hanguk University.

Warning: Slow burn, eventual smut, Taehyung being a freaking tease the whole time, Fuckboy!Jungkook, Asthmatic! Jungkook , mentions of episodes of Asthma, Take your Ventolin kids, Take your medications kids!

"You should have told me earlier," Jiwoo whined, fixing her lipstick in the mirror of your car, "I would have worn a full face before work today."

"Its not my fault I'm not one of the cool kids. I didn't even know about this until Hoseok told me," You reply navigating your way to Jungkook's house "They wanna drink their face into another dimension before the games and they invited me last minute. You know I dont go to these places on my own so do me a favour yeah?"

"Fine," Jiwoo rolls her eyes at you, pupils dilating as you pull the car over and she eyes the Jeon's villa "they must loaded."

"Who?" you ask absentmindedly, quickly replying Hoseok's text that you are outside the house with his sister

"Jeon's family," Jiwoo replies looking back at you with excited tone "I mean none of us can afford this big of a house in the centre of town like him. I heard his dad is a politician."

"Didn't he get a soccer field for his college admission gift?" You shrug, eyes focused on the phone screen "He looks like a spoiled brat too."

"Jeon?" Jiwoo purses her lips, looking in her memories as she smiles "I think he's cute, he's always really shy around me so I can't tell if he's one of them."

"That's because he's scared Hoseok might whoop his ass," You scoff at your friend's dreamy opinion on the golden boy, "He's swiping right on half of the girl's in the Sports and Exercise Science faculty on his night shifts."

"I know, I swear to God Hoseok was born to cockblock me," She sighs "Well Jeon's's rumoured to be the Golden Dick of Hanguk's soccer team so-" Jiwoo shrugs 

"What?" you choke on your saliva, laughing in disbelief "Is that a joke?"

"I wish it was," she sighs scrolling through her Instagram photos while you touch up your makeup in your front mirror "I've heard so many things about his golden dick, I sometimes wanna see it myself," She then shivers at the thought "God, probably not with Hoseok around though ..." 

"You know what I call that?" You hesitate as you spray some setting spray in your face and push the bottle back in your bag "False advertising," you then quickly glance at the text Hoseok sent to confirm they're ready "let's go." 

You walk inside the quiet house, the lights all turned off and the place in dead silence. Jiwoo who is walking ahead of you excited, glances back at you, furrowing her eyebrows. she gives you a questioning look  and before you can address her confused eyes the lights turn back on 

"Surprise!" Hoseok yells from across the room and everyone throws confetti at the girl who's standing in the middle looking around her with a dumbfounded expression all over his face

"W-Whats going on?" she asks in amongst the rushes of congrats thrown his way and the crowd 

"Congratulation on your first job Nuna," Hoseok embraces his sister tightly, placing a gentle kiss on the crown of her head "sorry I've delayed it so much."

"Oh My God," Jiwoo exclaims looking between you and her brother "You actually got me."

"Did you see my professional acting Hobi?" You chuckle, high fiving with Hoseok "she didn't even suspect a thing."

"Come on Nuna," Taehyung steps in hugging the girl in his ridiculously large body, almost crushing Jiwoo's bone as he squeezes her "Y/N never comes to our "get shit faced" parties, how did even believe her?"

"I was a bit intrigued, to be honest," Jiwoo replied, forcefully pulling herself out of Taehyung's grip before she gets crushed, "I thought she finally caved in for one of the Hanguk's boys."

"Well if anything, It must be me Right?" Taehyung declares winking towards you flirtatiously 

"Oh shut up," You roll your eyes making everyone else laugh "I'm gonna go grab a drink, I'm too sober to deal with you Tae!" 

You find your way to the table adorned by all different types of alcoholic drinks. You grab a plastic cup and fill it with some expensive whisky you're surprised to see sitting beside all the others.

he's really rubbing it in everyone's face, you scoff holding the bottle of whisky in your hand and checking the alcohol percentage. 

Broke college students like yourself would never even have such fancy liquor on their birthday and here he was, the golden boy of Hanguk University, offering expensive beverage like this for a house party.

"Expensive taste huh?"

You hear a familiar voice and immediately turn around facing the guy who you didn't expect to see there. Your eyebrows furrow close together as you carefully examine the guy.

”Jeez, relax those eyes princess,” he shudders at your unimpressed gaze as he leans closer to you, looking over your body for some booze “I can't decide which one is heavier, you or that glare you're giving me now.” 

“I’m sorry,” you quickly mutter, breath hitting the corner of his neck “About last time I fell on you.” 

“No worries,” he tilts his head as he leans away to bring his gaze from the collections of alcohol to you “If that takes you to fall on me again, I’d take it any day.”

You face immediately scrunches in disgust, your brain’s fuckboy alert turning on as you sigh and brush past him to move. 

“hey hey,” he grabs your wrist, without eyeing you to get a sight of you leaving “This is the time when you ask me how you can pay me back for being your human shield!”

”Look Jimin,” you turn around facing him sternly and watch an amused grin adorning his plump lips “It's not gonna happen!”

”What's not gonna happen!?” He repeats your words with a teasing tone as he locks you between his body and the table behind you

“W-Whatever you’re thinking of,” you reply, the proximity of his face making you slightly clumsy with your words which you try to hide with your signature poker face 

“I wonder,” he murmurs, head tilting to one side as he glances over you through hooded eyes “What you think I'm gonna do with you” He bites his lips seductively, unfazed by your earlier vocal and clear  rejection 

You part your lips to respond despite being slightly flustered by his boldness. But the sight that catches your eyes across his shoulder appears more interesting than blowing off the guy’s super ego at that moment.

”Jungkook ...” you call, eyes dilating in shock as you watch a girl who’s sitting on his lips slip open a lighter, as he skillfully places the expensive Cuban cigar between his lips. 

His smirk lightens as the girl plays with the flame in her hand teasingly, leaning closer to steal a kiss from his tightly pressed lips before bringing the flame closer to him. 

“No,” you gasp out loud pushing pass the guy who’s locking you against the table, and before you know you’re standing across the couple who look at you with a mixture of annoyed and surprised eyes 

“What the fuck are you doing!?” You hiss, venom dripping off your tone

Jungkook raises an eyebrow while his girl narrows her eyes at your uninvited appearance. You continued to glare at the guy until he shifts forward and whispers something in the girl’s ear. 

The girl nods and throws an unimpressed look to your direction before proceeding to smack a kiss on his lips before walking away.

Jungkook sighs, frustration evident from his complexion, although no words leave his lips. He throws the expensive cigar on his special wooden box before standing up. 

“let's go,” he breathes out, grabbing your wrist and yanking you behind him down the hallway. 

It doesn't take long with his rushed footsteps and you're in the room you previously caught him gasping for his life a few nights ago, door shut closed behind you and back pressed against the door. 

“I’m not in the mood,” he whispers as his hand presses harshly against your collarbone to hold you against the door “I’ll make you cum with my fingers and we’ll call it a night,” he hesitates, leaning closer to press his nose against your neck “If you’re a good girl like you were the past few days I’ll let you ride me next time.” 

You’re still trying to register his words when he presses rough kisses on the sensitive flesh of your neck, hands tracing down to your tummy and down under your dress. 

He easily locates your clit over your panties, rubbing the sensitive nub skillfully and your mind goes hazy, head firmly pressing back on the wall.

”Aah- J-Jungkook,” you breath out a moan, hands gripping on his toned biceps to catch his attention 

”Yeah baby,” he nods with a smirk against your neck, feeling validated by the wanton sounds he got off you “call my name like that,” you wince as he bites a small spot on your neck before fondling it with his tongue“You’ve wanted this, didn't you!? I barely touched you and you're fucking soaked.”

his fingers rubbing your sensitive core is clouding your mind, but your body tenses when he tugs your panties to one side, fingers tracing their way on your entrance and only then you realise the situation you got yourself in. 

”J-Jungkook,” you bring your head down, grabbing his head firmly as you mutter “Please!”

”Yeah, beg for it baby,” you watch him dig his lips to the corner of your neck, not noticing your resisting body language “You wanted me to touch you so bad huh!? You should have just begged for it like now-“

”No Jungkook,” you gather all your strength and push against his body, the startled boy stumbling back on his feet  “Stop!” You exhale the air looking at him with wide eyes 

“What!?” He furrows his eyebrows, looking lost like a puppy who was beaten 

“What are you doing!?” You shriek, hand reaching to tug your dress down on your thighs which was rolled up by him 

“I-“ he stumbles on his word, wide doe eyes wandering around “I was just-“ he then frowns in a mixture of rage and fear as he shots back “you wanted this! Dont you dare-“

”No, I didn't!” You sigh, fingers combing through your hair “You seriously need to stop this.”

”Oh really now!?” He scoffs, clenching his fist as he takes a step closer “You’re turning this back on me huh!?”

”Jungkook you've misunderstood-” You mutter through gritted teeth 

“You wanted me to fuck you,” he explains defensively “You go around asking me about my medications, talking shit about me to Dr Kim to get my attention,” he huffs the air out of his lungs forcefully as he motions to the door “And you yanked that girl off me just so I fuck you, and I'm doing it now. you're getting what you want, What else do you want!?” 

Your head starts to spin, digesting his words and you have to close your eyes for a moment so you dont stumble and fall by the overwhelming realization that shots through you. 

“Gosh,” you inhale sharply looking back at him with defeated eyes “It's my bad caring for a jerk like you.”

”W-What!?” 

“I was just worried you’d chuck that cigar up your lungs and mess them up even more than you already are,” you pronounce every rageful word with the heat you feel inside your body 

“The fuck are you talking about!?” He asks, voice tinted by confusion 

”Jungkook you have Asthma,” you explain with questioning eyes “Your lungs are already struggling to stay open for some air and you think smoking is a good ide-,”

you cut your sentence short, watching him with disappointed eyes “You know what,” you shake your head as you quickly fix your dress, “I dont even know why I care whether you breath or not!” You say harshly as you turn on your heels 

“Wait-“ he calls after you as you twist the doorknob but before he can reach for you, you’ve left his room and his house for the night. 

[readbythestarlight]

c2e85

Ohhhh boy here we go guys

Liam...?

I don’t

Ah

Ricky and Morty

“The chained oblivion, no big deal” Matt Plz

A dark elf floating six or seven inches from the ground. I don’t like how familiar that sounds.

[[MORE]]

28. Christ.

YOOOOO Pumats gonna fight!

BE SAFE PUMATS

or... not? xD

lol gets up on the counter because the rest of them are

He gonna heal??

He gonna... make them invisible?

NICE made my boy Cad invisible but he had still fight

Pumat looking after his fellow firbolg

I love when they panick go invisible xD

Gonna hide on the bookshelf lol Nott

Ooooo bola shot I like that

Yay bane!

This is gonna be a long slow fight

Nice job Cad, canceling that crit

Ffffuck didn’t cancel the crit fuck

93?! FUCK

NO

MATTHEW

YOU CANNOT KILL NOTT AGAIN

JFC

Oh my GOD I hate everything

Cad getting Nott back up yay!

STUNNED YEAHHHH

Not hang on Matthew STUNNED

Okay okay okay this isn’t as bad as it could be...

Banishing smite?

Oh fuck her

YAAAAS FJORD

BANISH HER TO HER HOME plane

bitch slapped her onto another plane lol

I like Cad’s little defensive stuff. He’s such an excellent support.

Also okay so aside from her high damage attacks this assassin doesn’t seem as terrible as I feared so... what’s the catch? Because something awful is def gonna happen.

PS: “that doesn’t happen every day”

Cad: “it does to us”

I’m glad she left but I do NOT like that she can just sneak up on them at any time

PS: “And now they know where I live...”

N: “You could burn down the store, start fresh?”

PS: “I like where you’re going with that, but I might wanna save that for a last option.”

Pumat has some kind of knowledge about

Pumat can MIND CONTROL?

PUMAT GONNA HELP THEM FREE HER MAYBE?

Poor Laura :(

PS: “not like you burned it down or anything.”

Free shield, nice!

Pumat is a sweet guy I love him and I’ve missed him

Freeloading their way into a short rest lol

Jester for the love of the Traveler do NOT go in there as your mom

FJORD do not encourage this

Beau assuring Jester that she supports HER just not the idea is SO sweet

JESTER oh my god

WHISPERS

Cad’s gonna know before Jester does

Ooh dear their description has gotten back to the other side of the mountains

MOAR WHISPERS

I like how they’re pulling literally everyone they know, pretty much every ally they’ve ever made into this

I’m honestly glad The Gentleman isn’t interested in getting involved. It suits his character well.

EVEN MOAR WHISPERS

Jester’s real sad

Like she really was hoping it was him

(And it still could be, we don’t know what Cad perceived)

Oh god Jester

Oh honey

Poor Jester

xD the Tal’dorea council question strikes again

Aw Jester :(

J: “but if he doesn’t want me then I don’t want him it’s fine.”

F: “....we’re glad to have you.”

J: “I’m glad to be here.”

B: “Sometimes found family is better anyway.”

Shit wait fuck

“You should tell her”

IS HE ACTUALLY HER DAD??

holy shit y’all

oh lord Nott had a crush on Caleb??

HOLY SHIT

BEAU ADMITTED SHE HAS A CRUSH ON JESTER

Oh shit the BeauJester fans have been fed tonight

Laura is laying there giggling lol

That’s super sweet that Beau is crushing on her man

I mean I’m still so BeauYasha but

Oh boy okay who is this

Oh it’s him

Oh my GOD

here we go oh god

Also what if he’s her uncle not her dad? He mentioned having a brother...

Oh my GOD HE IS HER DAD

I CANNOT BELIEVE

GENTLEMAN BACKSTORY

I can’t believe I’m having Gentleman feelings

I wanna hug him

Oh god that’s so SAD

He sounds like he still kinda loves her too HELP ME

I’m CRRYYYYING

I’m really sad man

“She loves you. You should have trusted her. I don’t know... I don’t know how you guys could make it work or anything, but... [missed]. She’s never loved anyone since. Just you.”

Operation: Get Marion and the Gentleman Back Together.

TG: “Jester I’m not your father. Any man can have a child. Any man who isn’t around to help raise them doesn’t get to call themself a father.” Owww.

I think you should tell Marion and let her decide. She hasn’t had any say in all of this, I think it’s time she did.

I cannot believe I’m so emotional about the Gentleman.

Jester has this perfect little fairy tale for her parents and I’m literally just sitting here crying you guys

J: “Hey dad, next time I’m in town? Let’s play some Uno.” Crying and laughing and crying.

I stg if he and Marion don’t get their happy ending I’m gonna be SAD

Time to go after Yasha?

Oh dear...

Okay though if it’s addressed to Nott the Brave it’s not from Astrid

Maybe it’s from Caliana or someone again

The looks all the others are wearing

Like Beau’s face

This recording thing couldn’t possibly backfire at all xD

These hijinks omg

I can’t handle it first I’m worried then I’m emotional/crying about Jester and now I’m cracking up

Oh no oh god

Don’t hurt Pumat Sol Matthew I will not forgive you

oh my GOD MATT that PAUSE

Oh my god wait their lie somehow WORKED??

So she lives in Trent’s little compound essentially.

“Oh god it’s her” lol oh Pumat

I love him man he’s a soft boy

Oh dear...

Caleb getting overwhelmed mid trying to plan was excellent I love that call Liam

WHAT

PUMAT IS GONNA TRAVEL WITH THEM?

No no no what if he dies??

DO NOT GET MY COW MAN KILLED

it’s so sweet that he offered I ADORE HIM

I can’t believe he just straight up planned to come with them he was already packed

Like all these othe powerful allies are like “I’ll look into things while y’all do the actual dangerous work” and Pumat Sol is the one who decides he’s going to come and help

We stan two (2) cow men and they are Caduceus Clay and Pumat Sol

I’m really nervous about this though like heading to Rexentrum? Are they ready for this? Is CALEB ready for this??

Oh no Krynn attack that’s bad

I hope it’s not the Krynn

Call Essek find out

Oh god if they help stop the Krynn tho and it gets back to Xhorhas somehow

They’ll never see Essek again and I will CRY

I’m suuuuuper worried about Caleb

Like SUPER concerned look at his face he’s not at all prepared for this

This is definitely a false alarm there are no Krynn

Oh fuck what if Obann is coming for this Colbalt Soul

I am anxious

Go back down Caleb!

Why would you not go back up with the others

Nott, Nott HONEY

Not now!

It’s not the Krynn I will eat my hat if it’s really the Krynn

“Angel’s Eye” oh no

Cardinal Respa?

How far does this conspiracy spread I wonder

“The thing below and the path to it” fuck

“Diversions are already in place” knew it

Oh fuck

Pelor, the temple of the dawn father?

Oh shit they spent so much time in the happy fun ball that the timeline is messed up and this is happening NOW

Fuuuuuck

Oh god they are in it now

Like man even having warned so many allies it’s too late it’s happening NOW

I thought I was stressed last week but nope

Love you too Matt

IS IT NEXT THURSDAY YET?!

This episode in a nutshell: fighting an (immortal?) assassin; Jester’s dad; mail hijinks; TIME TO STOP THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD

[heatherofthenight]

Reaction to Exit Strategy

Usual warnings apply to the following.  I’m feeling more anxious than humorous (good storytelling although it’s messing with the equilibrium of my ship!) but I’m definitely still pinging on the shallow meter with my musings.

Shall we begin? First up are scenes featuring the good ship, D&A.

A Dark Tie for Court

I have heard either blue or black ties are preferred for court so maybe Adrian’s Public Defender knows what he’s talking about.  Trafficking carries a minimum of 15 years and a $250,000 fine?  In that case I hope the Public Defender doesn’t know what he’s talking about because Adrian?  He’s not going to white-collar resort prison, no, no, no, he’s going to federal pound me in the ass prison (quote brought to you by Office Space).  At least Adrian upgraded Deran from roommate to boyfriend; perhaps the whole ‘Adrian can’t lie’ mantra made an impact on his behavior.

Shallow Observation: Is it possible to pale on cue?  I’m pretty sure STC managed that because I could suddenly count the freckles on the bridge of Adrian’s nose at the end of that scene.  He’s not just a pretty face!  Although Adrian cleans up quite nicely in his suit.  I still pine for the birthday suit.  

Point of Comparison: Adrian admits to being Deran’s boyfriend while Pope hammers home what family means (helping your bro bury a dead body?).  I don’t like the parallel thus my increased anxiety.

Jess Might Be Small But She’s Mighty

Adrian’s sister is a badass.  And she’s no fan of Deran’s.  We knew that from previous ep when she had to check if Adrian was at her house but wow, she did not hold back what she felt about Adrian’s boyfriend in this scene.  I guess sass runs in the family.  I got excited for a moment when Adrian stood up from the table because I thought a hug was imminent but it was a false alarm. Gypped again!  I like that Adrian continues to take responsibility for his actions (there’s no way to fix it, it is what it is) although his rant about Codys never being caught and he gets caught with one bad call…*shakes head*.   Adrian, dear, you knew the surfboard was too heavy.  You tried to do the job anyway.  I believe in consequences for actions so you don’t get my sympathy vote this time.

Shallow Observation: Deran looked mighty fine (and I want to hug him!) in this scene although he was completely out of his emotional depth.  He didn’t know how to defend himself against Jess, or he didn’t want to because he knows he’s not a great influence on his friend/lover/soulmate.  He also didn’t know how to comfort his boyfriend; he only had to squeeze Adrian’s shoulder as he asked about his bad news instead of cradling his bottle awkwardly.  Come on, Deran, you know it’s Adrian you want to cradle.  Get to it, man!

Party Like It’s 1999

This is probably wishful thinking on my part but we didn’t get to see the scene first hand between Smurf and her cop informer about who’s been talking to the feds.  I still think it’s Angela so what if her initials are the same as Adrian’s and that’s the info Smurf received—initials!  If that’s the case then she goes shopping for answers by asking Deran (while smoking a joint with him—that’s some excellent mother-son bonding there) how long he’s known Adrian’s been talking to the feds and to handle it and Deran, blank gaze intact, tips his hand to her because that’s his tell--stoneface. Maybe that was the confirmation Smurf was looking for and Deran gave it even though it’s Angela.  Too convoluted of a theory? Hey, I’m grasping at any life preserver I can latch onto because an Animal Kingdom without Deran and Adrian is like a PB&J sandwich without jelly.

Movie Nod: Smurf hugging and kissing Adrian after telling Deran to handle him or else she’d have to turn it over to Pope made me feel like I was watching a Godfather movie.  Or even Goodfellas.  Perhaps one of the scariest Smurf moments I’ve witnessed recently.  Run, Adrian, run!

Actual Movie Nod:  Smoky and the Bandit was on the movie theater marque where Smurfette and her Gang pulled their job.  Oh, sweet irony!

Pope the Family Man

Pope has taken the hardline about family.  Either you’re in or your out.  It’s interesting considering last year he was willing to kill Smurf and make it look like suicide.  J wondered if after Smurf shuffled off this mortal coil if they’d continue to reside at Casa Smurf and keep doing jobs and Pope seemed mystified at the question (why the hell wouldn’t we?).  I did enjoy J’s response that Deran has his bar and he’s got Adrian (he’s got a life!) but Pope was having none of it—Nobody’s going anywhere.  As a side note I wonder how many bruises Shawn and Emily got filming that scene with him trying to find her injection site…holy crap, that was intense.

OJ

Here I was thinking Olivia had some balls when she laid out her evidence and demanded J cheat for her. That was one hell of a one-up by J as he tattled to the professor and then totally crushed her when she told him she’d cared about Josh and he informed her he couldn’t stand trust fund twits. That flat affect.  Shark eyes.  Yeah, J is officially in the running for most unstable Cody.  

Nick

I approve of Renn’s baby name suggestion!  I approve even more of Craig’s staunch defense of Renn to her mother.  I’m with Deran—I have a hard time picturing Craig as a parent—but maybe these two crazy kids have a shot at normal. Although Smurf did not seem pleased about being a grandmother again, did she?

Parting Thought:  If you stay, you’re dead.  I had convinced myself that Adrian would be around next season—in prison, but still very much a part of Deran’s life—and with that preview my anxiety level hit an all-time new high and I can’t even blame @meghangrove83 for glass half empty thinking.  I don’t want Adrian to go on the run although that is preferable to six feet under.

Ugh.  If Adrian isn’t going to be around then I want sex, cuddling, and tears for the rest of the season.  In any order but in every episode.  Whose with me?!