#actually no dont look at me
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trying to get my motivation back so heres these edits i did to get me outta my funk teehees
#🌙anomaly hunters🌲#explodes and dies#actually no dont look at me#arudhdhdhjdhddjjd#dies again#f/o#self ship#self shipping#selfship#screenshot edits
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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here and planning to make it everyone elses problem
idk what to tell u man im just a fucking lil guy (gender neutral!!!) here to share my many deep wisdom thoughts and stuff.................
idk man here's a thing
maybe try asking him what i'm doing idfk
#pinned post#the worst#lil guy#tags#tumblr#i'm good at tumblr#look at me go#actually no dont look at me#stop perceiving me at all actually
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This bloodweave art dump has it all: The price of devotion, the serenity of simple touches, cat to cat communication and iasip redraws with slightly altered dialogue
#bloodweave#astarion x gale#gale x astarion#bg3#baldur's gate 3#gale dekarios#astarion ancunin#the bw server knows most of these already diakjdhkjkfhksk#i had exams. i still have to write one but after that… i will be a free man once more. ready to draw (hopefully)#i actually have more iasip redraws wips. yes i have recently started to rewatch it. dont look at me
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welcome to the world baby ernesto and gino 🦊😼
#twisted wonderland#twst#ツイステ#ツイステッドワンダーランド#mmarts#twst oc#twst yuu#twst grim#ace trappola#deuce spade#i hate how i colored this but www just take it#fellow honest#twst gidel#uhhhh do i tag the en names..... okay i will ww#ernesto foulworth#twst gino#im still calling them fellow n gidel tho cause#fellow goes by many names#both him and gidel prolly have aliases in diff jobs wwww#me when im a con man fr#also i actually dont hate foulworth dont look at me
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yknow what. *undooms your yuri again*
#genshin impact#arlecchino#peruere#clervie#arlevie#hi they still make me feel mentally ill#finished arle's story quest and like the brainrot has gotten worse actually#obsessed with the fact that Clervie is like the only girl to look at Peruere and say “I can fix her” and ACTUALLY fucking fix her#well like. for the most part.#shes still a little bit fucked up but in her defense clervie ended up giving up on life and the pursuit of freedom and died in arle's arms#WHICH YKNOW ADDED A HINT OF EXTRA TRAUMA but we dont talk about that
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all according to leshys keikaku...
#cotl#cult of the lamb#cotl leshy#cotl heket#cotl narinder#cotl lamb#narinder#my art#i dont like drawing beans on the hands cause i figure it would get in the way and bc my lines are usually too thick#but the peets? free reign#anyway whats up with me giving the lamb more and more horns? well it symbolises the passage of time PLUS they look cool#i actually dont super like how this turned out my comedic timing is off but i didnt want to look at it anymore#the drawings are cute at least
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part 4 of a lot funnier in my head than on paper
#before anyone asks its not a series the part 4 is a joke dont go looking#the solver granted me this mental image#definitely not at the right skill level to draw it correctly but i did good enough#nori forgetting her ipod in space and then needing n to launch her into orbit to get it back#yknow now that im actually stopping to think about it v would be the only one of the two in functioning order at this point#or they just waited for n to regen and then forced him to do this#we both know n is fully capable of punting nori into orbit#something something stupid mutt#my hatred for this is growing the more i look at it im gonna finish off the tags#art#murder drones#murder drones n#murder drones nori#murder drones uzi#murder drones flesha#i guess#or#murder drones cyn#serial designation n#one day ill be able to draw n in a way i like#noris text box is supposed to be a rose it did not come out looking like a rose#i dont know how to draw roses help
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Don’t give a mouse a cookie but it’s don’t give an artist a canon detail about a character anyways torbeks favorite movie!!
Sorry for inactivity but I’ve got some FIRE things coming up 🫡
#yap time#Kremy also could’ve been Regina but two reasons I didn’t is cause I didn’t want to draw him and also frost as Regina is just funnier#this did NUMBERS on the discord jeez#I kind of love torbeks outfit in this actually#frosts heels are totally realistic dont fact check it just trust me would I lie to you (🐊)#me after making the most croppable watermark in the world#wtv#frost kind of ate this one I fear#morning FROST 💜#torbek doesn’t have his witchlight canisters for totally real reasons that aren’t just artist laziness I promise#my fucking legs#legends of avantris#once upon a witchlight#morning frost#torbek#gideon coal#gricko grimgrin#mean girls#don’t ask me who anyone else is I have no clue#LOOK at his fucking legs (they took me so long to figure out I hate this guy I’m hitting him with hammers.)
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heard we were fiddlestanning
you know the drill..
(full image under cut)
#fiddlestan? don't mind if i do!#that whole “dont mind if i do” statement is just gonna be another classic case of 'this is forever changed because of some random fandom#fiddlestan#stanley pines#young stanley pines#also i love trans stanley. actually no. trans EVERYONE. fiddleford? stanley? ford? ALL THREE. and bill is the evil cis guy who ruins it al#slash jay... but fr i love t4t fiddlestan and t4t fiddauthor like lordy lordy#fiddleford mcgucket#grunkle stan#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#young fiddleford#fiddleford x stanley#art#digital art#my art#fiddstan#gravity falls fiddleford#gravity falls stanley pines#gravity falls#tbob#the book of bill#dude idek what i do for tags anymore i just throw shit in#oooh lookie here random tag!!! welcome to like “i looked at the bottom of the tags” club or whatever#you win a hat#but its a dunce hat.#youre stuck with me.
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this idea wont leave my brain please help me !! YIPPEE HADES BATKIDS !!!
without the bg and text under the cut :))
asdhj probably gonna post like,, two at a time because thats ,, a lot,,,, of drawing ,,,,,,, so heres tim and jason! i think i got the hang of it more with jason lol
ALSO ALSO!!!
thank you to those who helped me with the titles for the batkids!! they were all really good :D (all on insta lol)
timothy: the tenured - thomson_at
#yeah jasons hair gave me ... a lot of trouble until i landed on this#i was debating doign a long hairstyle but i dont think it looked too good with the wreath lol#tims clothing actually gave me sooo much trouble#i really wanted to incorperate more of his red robin elements in it and so i really wanted to do the yellow bandoliers#but thats why he has the upper arm wraps#maybe ill redo him later#once i get the hang of jen zee's style more lolol#jason was fun though#askj commentary over#jason todd#red hood#robin#tim drake#dc fanart#dc comics#batfam#batman#ash's doodlings#hades game#hades supergiant#wait more commentary#i used apollo artemis and hermes for tim because i wanted more of that slimmer vibe#and zag i mostly used for jason#yeah im not super happy with tim but for like.. a second attempt im fine with it#btw if this were an actual game#id like to think that the protagonist would be damian#trying to find his father (bruce) and coming across all of his fathers kids and pseudo kids lol
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dad with a dog that he didn't want after a week.
#i tried a new way to draw this time#i actually struggled a bit with nicks face#that one time a year where i can draw folds#please forgive me for dogmeat looks i dont know how to draw animals#art#digital art#illustration#artists on tumblr#fanart#fallout#fallout 4#nick valentine#miki walentyna#fallout companions#fallout fanart#fallout 4 nick valentine#fallout art#fallout 4 companions#dogmeat#fallout dogmeat#fo4 dogmeat#ted art
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the problem is that being single is seen as the consolidation prize, and not the natural neutral state of being-a-person. at the end of the movie or the book or the poetry, there is a person waiting for you at the altar, and they love you. if the play is a comedy, everyone gets married. the metaphor is about how you are not-whole. the metaphor is about how everyone is going to be happily-ever-after. the metaphor is that romantic love is the most important resource on the planet, not just all-love. all-love is not a thing, that is a disappointment. the treasure is not the friends we made along the way. the treasure is the girl you landed.
the metaphor is that you cannot be alone, that means you are broken. are you getting over someone? that is acceptable, you can be getting over someone, but not for long. you must be single because you would rather not be single. you must be single and looking to not-be-single. you must want to date, eventually.
friendship and community are never seen as being equal-to or even-better than romantic connection. that person is your one! you need to find them. you need to hunt through the sand particles until you can shift out some kind of gem. this is regardless to your own experience of the beach and the sun. you need to be somewhere with someone.
if you are taking this time alone to heal, that is so sad. everyone gives you this little pitying look. the understanding is that you are not actually happier than you were before you were single. it is seen as a sort of pity - oh, you are choosing yourself, making yourself the priority? - that isn't quite right. you must mean that you are making yourself ready for the right person. you are just laying the bed better this time. open up your heart. you'll find them, we promise!
what do you mean you're really-truly genuinely-very happy? you are probably misremembering what it was like to be in a relationship. and besides, once you meet your person, that time will look grey and bland and wasted. your person is the only way for you to see in color. so what if you have taken this time - for the first time in your entire life - to actually-for-real do the fucking work. you can be proud of yourself, sure. but the way we need to know that you got better is that you get a partner. you're healed enough for the next bad part!
people don't choose to be single, they just say they're choosing to be single - they actually mean "nobody wants to date me." it doesn't matter how many people you have gently rejected or how many times you've talked it over carefully in therapy. what matters is that you are single, and by all accounts - that means you are something worth our pity. your successes and life all seem pale in the sunlight. sure, you have done amazing things and finally found your way in life. what matters is that there wasn't a person in the room with you while you did it.
you want to tell them - that's the whole thing. i didn't know how to be alone in the room. i didn't know how to handle the silence. every moment was so sharp, and i kept choosing the wrong way to close the door. i have spent my entire life in the empty well, living in the ricochet of someone else's cruelty. for once i have built myself a ladder. for once everything i taste is all mine, every bite of sunshine and laughter. i have learned how to sleep out in the open with my memories. recently, they have started to purr.
your father rolls his eyes. listen. this isn't about you. i just want a grandchild in my future.
#writeblr#i actually didn't want a girlfriend before nat#and my dad recently said to me - raquel. i don't approve of the promiscuity#1. i am 30.#2. i had casually dated about 4 people over 18 months.#3. i do believe he was just mad that i get more girls than he ever did#i had to look this 60 yr old deacon in the eye and say. okay so i have a girlfriend first of all im just not tellin yall about her#and secondly.#OKAY???? OLD MAN I DONT EVEN LIVE HERE WHAT ARE U GONNA DO ABOUT IT#briefly considered asking nat if i could pretend we were a one night stand kind of a thing
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the krampus incident from the book of bill if it was out of character and stupid
#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#fiddleford mcgucket#the book of bill#tbob#young ford pines#turtlearts#also sorry i got the heights devastatingly wrong fidds is so damn short here im sorryyy#for the record i was thinking of when mcgucket and ford reunited at the end where he actually is much shorter and smaller so erm idk man#please dont be mad#also i KNOW this is not lore accurate or whatever and i made it so much more sappy (?) than how it actually went but my hobby is being sapp#so leave me alone <3#also i do love me a ford thats afraid of vulnerability so theres also that haha#my favorite thing to draw was the first panel of fids with the banjo and then the 2nd to last picture#everything else looks like shit sorry#but i haaadd to post it ok . i have nothing else so dont complain and eat up kids#also do NOT laugh at my piss poor comic skills. literally dont even i swear to god
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these two are so interesting to me
characters belong to @canisalbus
#clenches fists. im so sosososo normal about them. i think about them a normal amount (lying)#actually the 2nd image is based on some sort of anime couple pose template(?????) that i saw a while back and wanted to draw them in it#but i swear to god i CANNOT FUCKING FIND IT. i was literally knee deep in yuri and yaoi fanart for hours trying to find that god damn photo#but i dont even know who the characters were and pinterest just shows me bakugou and deku making out sloppy style whenever i try#so i gave up an tried drawing it from memory and cried the whole time. i hate anatomy.. but they look so happy so its fine#god whenever i see Lore or sweet little tidbits for these two i want to tear into something with my teeth and throw something /pos#i genuinely want to study these gay little renaissance dogs under a microscope#what fucks me up is the fact that we all know it ends horribly but u cant help loving them anyway.. they are so. incoherent hand gestures#my art#myart#others ocs#vasco#machete#vaschete#furry art#fur#anthro
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every so often i have to relearn how to draw yuuji or he starts fighting me
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#itadori yuuji#yuji itadori#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuuji#ryomen sukuna#sukuna#i love drawing sukuna as the teeniest tiniest eye on yuuji's face n using it as an excuse 2 use his tag <3 ths his Rent#anyway he fought a bit at first but would u believe it i got yuuji 2 cooperate fr a draws pls clap#maybe it's just when hes in a piece with megumi that he gets an attitude??? whatever th case im happy w all of these thank god#beef w yuuji Settled fr now . until he inevitably decides 2 fight me again sighs#in the meantime !!! had SO much fun drawing his new scars#happy 2 report tht ive fully come around on yuuji 1eye itadori i wasnt sure at first but now i love it fr him#i love the texture of it i love splitting his eyebrow n drawing the scar tissue up Through the remaining hair....#i love him looking like he's winking i love drawing the lil X on his chibi#its GOOD#i dont think ill give him a fake eye very often if at all but it was fun putting him in tokyo ghoul cosplay fr this#o ya speaking of his Accessories the slippers started out as tigers also but then i wanted them bunnies and i saw an opportunity#so now miku is haunting this draws and my yuuji owns a pair of deco27 rabbit hole slippers#now that i rly look at it that whole fit is such a look actually im crying#we got beef shirt...#@ me @ sukuna @ the fact tht yuuji is Jacked#10/10 triple entendre 10/10 would wear
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