#actually my head is never empty
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Bangtan weekly report...
I wanted to do a Bangtan weekly report. Since January 15. But between real life and complete disinterest over what's been on the timeline I just haven't had the time or desire.
But, nevertheless, we press on.
I love IU's song and the MV starring Tae. He did really good. I've watched all the behind the scenes, hers and his.
The account on Instagram called @ rpwprpwprpwp (how do you pronounce that rr-pwip rr-pwip rr-pwip?) keeps posting images of Namjoon and now there are theories that the images are representative of each song from his next album. We wait(TM).
Everyday, hoping Namjoon and Tae are doing well in their assigned posts.
And hoping Jimin and Jungkook are doing all right. Thanking the universe everyday that they have each other to fall back on. I wonder if Jimin's love for snow will somewhat be tempered a little after this winter and next...
The Standing Next to You Usher remix behind the scenes videos were fun. I'm glad JK had the opportunity to work with Usher. I know the experience meant a lot to him. I miss his lip rings. He told Polyc he'd be considering a new tattoo when he was discharged. Can't wait...
I hope Yoongi is doing something he can at least consider is worthwhile. Just a tiny hint of what he's doing would be awesome but I understand if we never get that until he's discharged.
Excitedly anticipating Jin's discharge, as well as Hobi's. Jin's message yesterday was nice and now that we're about 4 months away from his discharge, I think about what might have been going through his mind at the time he recorded these messages. Hobi just graduated another bunch of new soldiers and will get some time off. Maybe we'll see him out and about on his Instagram this week.
For now, laying here, no thoughts/head empty.
#jimins dining table and other furniture is at magnate cafe#i find that very interesting#actually my head is never empty#the amount of delusion in there is astounding sometimes#bangtan weekly report
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This pic, obviously
#literally the first thing i saw when i woke up and i just. had to quietly contemplate for many many minutes#5sos#5 seconds of summer#luke hemmings#luke#hatc magazine#boy ep#kh4f post#like#head truly truly empty#you'd think it would be filled with many thoughts. observations. hopes. dreams. commentary.#but no.#absolutely no thoughts.#never been a thought in my head actually.#but Crystal what about that thing you just said to so and so about-- 🤫🤫🤫#no. thoughts.#having such a normal time here#for normal reasons
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they're not like other waddle dees (for @gemapples)
#neither of them.#though starstruck implores you to think otherwise. oh they're both so normal actually!! ha ha!#she said she was Normal she never said she was Smart. sorry starstruck you inherited 'head empty syndrome' from me as a sona#fanart of @gemapples little villain waddle dee! i love them?? i love them#starstruck thinks that they should just chill out and eat a fresh baked good. that'll fix everything#*i* adore a villain but starstruck is not yet convinced of their villainy. i guess we'll see how they handle the evil bagel#starstruck dee#my comics#my art#others ocs
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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..
#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional#its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free#times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw#something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak#i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else#i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back#after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces#wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue#theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right#like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself#but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me#tf out#but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even#and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately#pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit#like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly#i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty
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feeling the overwhelming urge to replay isat for like the 5th time lads
#I STILL NEED ARMORY AND HEAD EMPTY#armory i completly forgot about because I was ao caught up in the final stretch of the game#and HEAD EMPTY >:( >:( BUGGED OUT ON ME >:( >:( >:(#was actually so mad about that because my last playthru was SPECIFICALLY to 100% the game#also i never caught a fish :(#isat#in stars and time#spirit chats
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I do think there's something special about the way that audio drama creators seem to love including cameos of voice actors from other popular audio dramas. Obviously, part of the reason why actors from one show might pop up in another is because the audio drama creator community is relatively small and interconnected, and also because those actors are very talented.
But there's also often such a sense that creators are having fun with these cameos. Like Greater Boston casting audio drama heavyweights Briggon Snow, Zach Valenti, and Felix Trench as famous film actors Matt Daemon, Ben Affleck, and Mark Wahlberg respectively. Or Faux and Stallion having Tom Crowley (who plays a Victorian detective in Victoriocity) pop up as Dr Watson. Or Unseen casting Beth Eyre and Felix Trench as characters who are twins. Or Arden getting Emma Sherr-Ziarko to play an actor impersonating a character played by her former Wolf 359 costar Michelle Agresti (with Michaela Swee also appearing as an actor impersonating the other main Arden lead).
In these cases, it's not just that there's a cameo, but that the cameo is given particular (often comedic) significance to those who are aware of the featured actor's other work. The vast majority of people wouldn't recognise any of these voices. But by doing these very intentional cameos, these creators show confidence that a fair chunk of their audience will know these actors and enjoy the link. There's an awareness that listeners of one audio drama are fairly likely to listen to (or at least be aware of) other fiction podcasts, even when the shows in question aren't of particularly similar genres. Recognising these cameos feels like being in on a secret. It feels like these shows are giving a little nod to listeners to say that we're part of the same club.
#It'd be fun if you reblogged with your favourite audio drama cameos#I know most of my examples are Wooden Overcoats actors#but those are just the ones that have stuck in my head the most#This has been in my drafts since the Greater Boston S4 finale#If you think I didn't squeal to myself at the Gabriel Urbina & Sarah Shachat cameo#you are wrong#and they aren't even known as actors?!#But I feel like the GB creators were confident that some people would do a double-take there#I'm pretty sure that's not even the first cameo I've heard them do in an unrelated show#Anyway I am definitely the target audience for things like this#It brings me so much joy#I have never cared at all about recognising an actually famous actor in a film#but recognising someone in an audio drama just hits different#One day I do want to make a complicated infographic to show how all the podcasts I've listened to are interconnected#I have a conspiracy wall about it in my mind#the empty man posteth#audio fiction#podcasts#fiction podcasts#audio drama
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I truly love and am jealous of fans can write and create well written fix-its/reboots of vld which are well balanced and focus on all characters. Cause all i am capable of is coming up with half formed balls-to-the-walls ideas with two nearly unrelated scenes held together with a red string but is still guaranteed to piss off 99% of the fandom if they were canon
#empty thoughts#Don't get me wrong I love my aus#And i do think I have notes and ideas that could have improved vld#But being like being an actual creator/showrunner/writer? Lol. Lmao even#Not even because vld fandom is a scourge on earth that will never be satisfied#But also because I am a biased hater and I will ignore characters I don't like/actively hate#Like I know this about myself. Is it petty? Absolutely. Should I do better? Yes. Would I? Hahaha#Anyway this is just a hypothetical of course. I saw few fans going 'if I had been head of vld canon i'll do this-'#and I was like 'if I had been head of vld canon the first thing I'll do is quit'
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Undertale yellow flowey embroidery
This took about 40 hours, give or take a few
#I can tell you one thing#Embroidering while having arthritis is really not a piece of cake. When you hand cramps just by holding it at an angle.#At least I can be grateful for my empty schedule#Makes embroidering till the sun rises back up so much easier#Insomnia also helps with this task#I was listening to the ost while working on it and… Live reaction#Occupied turf is so good actually !? Why wasn’t it shown more often !? IT’S FIRE !?#I forgot I only did a pacifist so I got so confused when neutral Flowey came out…#A mother’s love ? Should’ve called this “I’m gonna fuck you up”#The number of time I got my ass handed back to me in this fight is not even funny#The first time is great. The second I only discern my favorites and the sudden change in style. By the third loop I can’t recognize shit#my brain is melting and my eyes are on fire…#Advantages on doing it during daytime. Eyes hurt less. Good stupid tv to listen to in the background Disadvantages. People#Advantages on doing it at night. Alone. Personally work better at night#Disadvantages. No good TV. Time goes by slower…? I don’t know maybe I’m just loosing it with those freaking petals#For reference one petal took me about 3 and a half hours. So yeah… I thought it would never end… Took out almost all my yellow.#When the line tangles itself in the back and you realize only close to the end of it that half went missing#So you have to go backward to entangle it and loose 30 mins because damn it#Cats are not helpful in any of those scenarios#Why do I feel the need to make the back perfect when nobody else but me will know#This is the last time I do one so big without thinking it through#Note to self. Don’t do it standing up when the cats are awake. She just destroyed my stomach#I think i’m losing it#Back after a few weeks#God this white thread is doing my head in… I’m willing to bet my leg half the time I spent on the face was me untangling it.#I’m almost done. It’s finally over. Dark brown took exactly 4 h and 13 mins#undertale#undertale yellow#embroidery#I’m thinking of doing Boris the wolf next. Because I just found the perfect rendition to put on my wall
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If this post gets at least one (1) note, I'll do something writing related for the first time in ages. Sure, it'll probably be rushed, cringey, and short, but it'll be SOMETHING new at least.
#screaming into the void#hoping the void screams back#I yearn to write but my muse is non-existent#How am I supposed to be a fanfic writer when I can't even think of a fandom to write for#“Aren't 80% of your recent likes either HSR or MHA related?” Shhhh we don't talk about those#What is this “Sunday Banner” and “League of Villains” you speak of? I don't know what any of that means#Apologies to anyone who was hoping for more BTD content but I'm not saying I'll never write it again; you never know!#imagine actually writing the silly little stories that float around in your head all day...couldn't be me or my empty blog#fanfic rambling#writer problems#just writer things#where did my motivation go#I just wanna write cringe again but I'm so tired for no reason#fearfulmurmurs#fearful murmurs
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watchign anime during stale bread brain time was a horrible idea. ugly cried over yaoi
#ive listened to fuyu no hanashi hundreds of times but ive never actually watched. given#so i wasl ike yeah ok whatever. ill watch it#knowing exactly what the somg was and where it would be#and i think like it just reacted with this horrible empty gnawing feeling i have in my chest rn and made me ugly cry#like in my stupid little dog head...#and it was like sort of cathartic but in the sense like when u pee and u still got some left in the tank yknow#maybe i am just extra cringe today. im tired
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Hi Mei :)
#pmatga#my art#pmatga ocs#mei lián#“I have been drawing Mei.”#“What?”#“I have done nothing but draw Mei for 3 days.”#well- it's when she was in her 30s^^;;#also when she and Betrayus were first interacting! Betrayus initially did not like her!#he wasn't used to someone actively trying to seek out and get to know him. so he was just his usual#“grr I don't like talking to new people and I'm always grumpy blah blah blah” <- paraphrasing#I really need to just. write everything I can about her down and then just slap it here because I feel like I haven't conveyed who#she really is and how she acts as a character. I feel like she's still too empty on a surface level in my drawings#but in my head she's /way/ more fleshed out#like she's an engineer. she has 3 younger siblings. she's a hard worker (to the point where even betrayus tells her to take breaks).#she's the person who makes betrayus open up and see the world in a better light! she had such a huge influence on him and helped him grow!#I just don't want her to be 'this is betrayus's wife! and that's it!' you know? I /need/ there to be more#but alas. it is hard for me to write u_u#uuuoohh I forgot I have to draw her motorcycle too..... uwwahhh...#also notes: I didn't draw her shoes on the full-body on the left. and I didn't actually 'color' her clothing on the full-body on the right#I grey-scaled it. but never went through with coloring it
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...
#feeling unmoored. feels weird. directionless i guess#i just dont feel like i have a purpose rn. like whats the point of all this? i dont kno#and my head feels so empty. like im not obsessed with anything. my brain isnt overheating and forcing me to do things for better and worse#its too quiet. i have to assume that's the medication bc its literally never been like that ever. but again it makes me feel unmoored#what am i supposed to do if im not being dragged forward by the force of my own compulsions? whats the point of all this?#im sure it doesnt help that im so self isolated. i just dont kno how to have friends. or reciprocate feelings#or feel happiness in a way that makes sense. maybe aiming for happiness is too high a goal. maybe the best i can hope for is to be occupied#and not completely miserable. i dunno. i dunno.#but i have to actually start looking for a job this weekend bc grades are due Tuesday and then im adrift#even more so than now. its just so frustrating bc i dont even want to draw in a way that ive never experienced. its like i just dont care#about anything and my time feels empty. i dont kno what to do. i hate this#unrelated
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m/cr finally going on tour again but their promo and timing was NOT thought out at ALL
#also them never doing presale so the chances of my actually getting tickets are like -100#now was not the time sirs#this was the worst time ever probably in fact#both for the symbolism which i know it was half the symbolism of tbp anyways but both the sumbolism and thentiming in general just#no thoughts head empty i see#honestly out of all the ticketm/aster wars ive suffered tho m/cr still is number 2 bc tay was terrifying but not as haed and opted out#of dynamic pricing whereas m/cr did NOT opt out of dynamic pricing and sab was i lost the war three times before she added a show and i won#if anyone else would like to try and get tickets for me as an early bday prezzie thatd be gr8 but im also like hmmm but tpb also changed me#as a being so like id love that but also—#raiiot#i doubt we would i think its just poor thought out promonand poor timing but#i would hope tjat literally nonbinary g wont be found out for supporting some ppl bc having to drop them would probably be it for me#idk if incan recover from losing them#my only up thing isnknowing it takes a long ass time to get those reservations in place for stadiums so theyve been planning this for#pmuch a minimum of a month if not two#but the climate g THE CLIMATEEEEEEE#also IM BROKE AS FUCK RNNNNN
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why did i have to get the brain damage and disorders that make Processing and Producing words nasty forever. i was born to write gutwrenching fanfic and theories and understand themes and motifs and understand literally a smidge of anything at all but instead i can just Explode i guess
#guy who never learns. guy who never understands#<-actually my inability to be any kind of intelligent ever is a combined effort of everything i have#even without it id still be terrible at Everything somewhat#idiot cries about it#nonsenserambling#and then i get mad when people stereotype brain damaged people and characters as ''no thoughts head empty'' when thats literally me
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Me: *in the troes of finals week*
My brain, for some reason: *suddenly has the extreme motivation, passion and compulsion needed to work on fics and illustrations*
#i didnt write for all of break or rly do much drawing. just a bit#and then the noose of schoolwork tightens on me more#and i started working on two separate fics out of the blue#WHY AM I LIKE THIS!?!?!?!? 😭😭😭😭#its very good too like not suffering to write 😭 like its coming to me randomly#like an urge yknow like its speaking to me#BUT WHY!?!? I NEED THAT TO WRITE PAPERS NOT FIC#i mean im happy to actually be able to write fic#but why. why does it only come to me NOW when im extremely busy 😭😭#waaaahhhh a boy king au fic AND a normal fic#both things i had thought of a while ago but never had the drive to actually work on#its funny. ive been into sebnando for over a year now and it feels like the 2nd year-#is this renaissance where my brain is finally satisfied enough to write fic and draw narratively#like okay???? but where was this energy a year ago??????#four fics in the works tbh....hehehe. we'll see. in a week ill probably be head empty again LOL#but gah its seriously so fun to actually feel like im able to write/draw what ive always wanted to#just uh. wish it came at a better time 🫤#catie.rambling.txt
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#GAGGGEDDDDDD#yay omg yay:)#guys i am going to die#oct 27 2024#no cosnlike. in dreams or whatever WHATEVER#sick to my stomach i've literally been hallucinating delusional etc#u don't understand i'm going to die#LIKE FAVORITE PERSON EVER SORRY#the way i cross my sevens and z's and don't leave a space for the smiley face :|#hope she never knows how obsessedddd :)#oct 28 2024#:| idk it's the only thing keeping me going but also i survived six months#oct 29 2024#giggling twirling my hair kicking my heels looking at my phone get a grip...#. no bc my brain#i am having a terrible day but i love her#being delusional works!#i am SO EXCITED lutkkenekenfksnfn i am so excited i've missed her so much#actually soooo sick and twisted the way my irl ummm what do you call... emotional support older white women are actually the best huggers in#the world like it's not my fault#lik i don't i don't i do not i donut even care !#no thoughts head empty#stoppp cos like building it up in my head based on the past etc etc ...... but it always lives up 2 it & more!#oct 30 2024#cointinuing to be insane 🙏#idk there is something so tender ............#waaaah ok waaaaaaaaaaah i cant#just want to go HOME#want to swim in prelude 4ever#girl who is so so tired and just wants it to be 7:30 east
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