#actually my birthday is this friday and on saturday im going to a museum to see an andy warhol exhibit so. at least i have that to look
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WHAT mental illness? WHAT autism? WHERE?
#i worked monday and then I had a long team meeting#i worked tuesday and then i had drinks and dinner til late#i woke up early this morning and spent all day at a museum with my niece#and i just took a shower and am heading out in 30 minutes for dinner with my father for his birthday#i got a super busy day at work tomorrow. gotta do groceries cook take a shower self tan and watch a show with my sister#friday i got my job interview and some shoppjng#Saturday im gonna go say bye to a coworker whos leaving#and im still fine at this moment#it all went well#actually having fun#will this result in sleepless nights and a menty b on saturday? yeah....#but rn im feeling stable as FUCK#actually the menty b will be tomorrow#personal
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thinking abt homosexuality sobbing into my tomato soup rn #andy warhol
#wahh i just don’t want my roommate to hate me LOL or be uncomfortable or anythhing i don’t know i’m so upset#hashtag internalized homophobia hashtag this is so unfair i just want to be nromal 🥫#today has been so stressful ever since i kind of came out and i didn’t even like fully come out#i know she’s said that she’s like supportive of lgbt and stuff but still cishet ppl are LIARS#also i’ve been so unfocused all day and i just want to feel like a productive queen 💁♀️#i’ll be okay. i’ll be okay#actually my birthday is this friday and on saturday im going to a museum to see an andy warhol exhibit so. at least i have that to look#forward to :)#im just so sad ik this is like whatever but god homophobia. it’s just so fucking unfair i hate that i’ve had to live my life this way it’s#so unfair it’s so unfair#it’s not fair i shouldn’t have had to spend my entire life feeling like im different or a freak or like there’s something wrong with me for#being gay it’s so stupid. i still feel that way#i took an adderall hopefully i can start being productive soon but all i’m doing is shaking#like if u read this ig idk i’m just sad#em.txt
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stuff i’ve been up to this week-
- i have spent the last two weeks looking for Count Chocula and nothing. it literally might as well not be October.
- Friday was my birthday! got chocolate chip pancakes and coffee with a friend in the morning, and the weather was overcast and nice so i ended up walking to the Rodin museum and they had public sketch pads and pencils, so i spent some time. then “tempt” choreography at pole and peach moscato at home. incidentally, i think this was the first time i felt a little lonely on my birthday.. it’s the way things go though - overall i had a lovely day (minus the part where i scream internally at being definitively closer to 30 than i am 20).
- still watching 90′s anime OVAs. Gunbuster is perfect.
- struggling to finish reading The Violinist’s Thumb by Sam Kean, which is weird because i’ve never had this problem before... i think im so used to being online and listening to podcasts or watching youtube videos etc. i forgot what it’s like to just sit down with music and read a book that i don’t need to study. i did manage to finish Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind Vol. 1 which is fucking beautiful. i spent twice as long with it as i usually would with a manga because hnngh every single panel... America’s Bitter Pill and Lolita are still next.
- my first month of pole is almost over, and i still mostly just flop around pretending to look sexy, but since this is the first time in about eight years i’ve ever been consistent about exercising; i feel really good. i even managed to sort of climb/shimmy up the pole without a spotter on Saturday. gotta lift tho. i also have been running about a 3.75 mile bridge three times a week and am seeing my pace improving. 10.45′ today from 12.00′ :)
- on my playthrough of Kingdom Hearts (ps2), i found this innocuous detail in the Hollow Bastion library - there’s a neat little abstract painting in white and green and blue and lavender underneath the stairwell by the table and chair and it’s just so pretty and special. so i’m in the process of replicating a real life version of it for myself. with glitter. because i can’t give myself enough projects. because idk how to handle my free time.
- actually have to start practicing for interviews, as well as reviewing onlinemeded videos for emergency medicine in november. basically my last real med school rotation ever omg.
- my succulents are thriving (i think).
- i really really wanna play cuphead.
- omg last thing, i had a really epic emotional arc with two mermicornio plushies in a barnes and noble that also facilitated a discussion with my mom about color and gender stereotypes.
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