#actually it might for real be time for me to do that again

[zyafics]

everytime i read this series i feel like im entering the battlefield 🚬😮‍💨my annotations below hehe ⬇️

It was unthinkable to be contemplating about gravestones. How could you sum up your family in limited words or dates, let alone choose a font for it?

ur writing has such PERSONALITY in it, i swear to god when i read this in beta, i was so in awe

Your first thought had been telling Topper, your only real family left, but he was as much Rafe’s as he was yours, and when it came down to it, he was still his best friend. Loyal to him since they were five, and jesus knows how he’d react if he found out about this. He’d most likely freak the fuck out and tell Rafe everything, thinking he was doing the right thing, or worse, letting it slip to Ruthie.

this parallels perfectly to the first chapter where topper called rafe when reader was leaving, so not only is this paragraph giving us an at-point breakdown, but it's referring evidence that topper would slip and tell rafe

It’s then you recognized how small your world was. How few people were truly yours.

their lives are so intertwined that reader doesn't know who to turn to when she needs independence 😭 oh curse rafe and his big dick

Today, it was just you, a few kids and teens dotted along the beach with oversized trash bags. It wasn’t even noon, but the sun felt like it was scorching you alive. It was laughable, really, standing under this blistering sun with a cheap trash bag and an endless stretch of sand to clean. 

this specific paragraph i wanted to highlight because i thought it was so descriptive and imaginative, but simplistic in a way that didn't feel like it was purple prose.

The kids were watching you again, with that look of curiosity. You couldn’t look them in the eye. It wasn’t their fault. They just didn’t understand that sometimes the grown-ups didn’t know what they were doing either. 

the last line EATS BITCH IT EATS

 “You should sit down.”

oh suck a dick

It was hard to believe the two of you had once burned hotter than any bonfire, two people who got under each other’s skin, in love, and in hate.

in love to hate omg

Instead, he narrowed his eyes, “You think I don’t know what fine looks like? I was there.”

THIS IS SO COLD BUT IT SHOWED HOW THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS SO WELL, HOW INTERTWINED THEY ARE WITH ONE ANOTHER

And the worst part? You could see that frustration in his eyes, the same look he used to give you when he’d reached his limit with you. You wondered if he ever got to that point with Sofia.

i would crashout

Sofia—the one who looked like she'd been ripped off from some perfect postcard, all wide-eyed sweetness and gentle smiles. She probably never challenged him, snapped back, or made him want to pull his hair out.

hm.

This was a version of you only Rafe could bring out.

they're so toxic and dynamic and i love them

Your chest hurt like you’d been run over a hundred times—it felt suffocating. “I hate you.” For the first time, you thought he might actually leave you here. 

that stopped me cold i had to write something in my diary

His fingers stopped as if your words had made an impact, his lips pressed into a thin line. Your vision blurred as he leaned in, his touch hovering as if to wipe away the tear running down your cheek, but he didn’t, instead, he closed his hand into a fist and drew back, his face just inches from yours.  A faint, humorless smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he clicked the seatbelt into place. He made a low humming noise, that thing he did when he was getting ready to make someone feel two inches tall.   "Yeah? Get in line."

LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN I'M LISTENING TO BAD OMENS BY 5SOS AND IT'S AT THE BEATS AND WHILE I READ THIS, IT FITTED PERFECTLY OHMYGOD

Rafe drove fast, every rev of the engine matching the churning in your stomach perfectly. You sat there, trembling, the dread building with every mile that passed. You gripped the seatbelt so hard it felt like your entire body might go numb, and stared straight ahead, breathing shallow, trying to ignore the sting in your eyes.

i wanted to highlight this specific paragraph because i adore the writing, something about it made me feel every single atom of the scene

“Would you stop?” His voice softened for the first time, as if he was trying to reach some part of you that he thought still cared. “You look like you haven’t slept in days, like you haven’t eaten anything that wasn’t out of a vending machine. I know you don’t want my help, but can you just stop for a second and—” “And what?” you interrupted. “And think! If you don’t get in there, I’ll drag you in myself.” Your heart raced, “You wouldn’t dare.” Rafe stepped closer; his jaw set in determination. “Try me.” “You’re not coming in." He blinked like the idea hadn’t even occurred to him. “What?”

HE DIDN'T EXPECT THAT SHIT NO NO

“Yeah, I got someone.”

that's right baby tell em

💌 — ugh, something about this part has been so dynamic, in the way it's constructed, the way it flows so naturally, the way the dialogues are so emotionally-charged but bounces off one another seamlessly. it was like i was watching a perfectly-curated film, where the dialogues were performed by seasoned actors. i love love their arguments. i love how intense it always gets, how they have this push-pull against each other, this hate-love, this line they can't even comprehend nor define. and i love how you written it so beautifully, that you communicate the intensity and depth of this relationship but aggression, tension, and hurt.

LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - FIVE

pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x sofia. chapter warnings: mention of pregnancy; abortion; lack of self-care

You’ve had to make a lot of unfortunate decisions in your life.

Choosing a place for your entire family to rest for eternity, picking the caskets, the headstones—it felt like deciding which curtains to buy for the house, except you were burying your entire close family.

After the crash, your parents were gone instantly, just like that—no goodbyes, no warning, just there one moment and gone the next.

But your sister survived. Three days. You thought maybe that was a sign, she’d live despite everything, and you wouldn’t be left alone.

Two weeks later, the doctors told you it was time, but you couldn’t accept it. You held her hand, begging her to stay, telling her every promise you could think of if she opened her eyes.

When the monitors finally went flat, you couldn’t feel anything but desperation. Rafe had to pull you out of there, his arms locked around you while you kicked and screamed, sobbing and begging your sister not to go, not to leave you here.

You fought him with everything you had left, clawing, crying, pleading for just one more second. You were screaming so loud you didn’t even recognize your voice. Everything good had been ripped away from your hands, there was nothing left of the world you’d known.

After that, you remember sitting in some stuffy funeral home office, skimming through catalogs and hardly seeing the pages through your tears. The caskets all looked the same, the types of wood made no difference to you, fabric linings, all of it felt so wrong. 

None of it was a choice you should have to make. 

It was unthinkable to be contemplating about gravestones. How could you sum up your family in limited words or dates, let alone choose a font for it?

You just picked something neutral and blank, something that didn’t require thought or emotion because, by then, you had nothing left to give. 

Now you were trapped again, caught between a rock and a hard place.

Your first thought had been telling Topper, your only real family left, but he was as much Rafe’s as he was yours, and when it came down to it, he was still his best friend. Loyal to him since they were five, and jesus knows how he’d react if he found out about this. He’d most likely freak the fuck out and tell Rafe everything, thinking he was doing the right thing, or worse, letting it slip to Ruthie.

Ruthie—no chance you’d involve her. She’d just see this as another fucked up piece of gossip she could hold over your head, another way to judge or control you. She was “friend” only in the loosest sense of the word.

Kelce was the last person you’d consider turning to for something this serious. He has always been there, but you never got close. He was too much of an instigator, always pushing Rafe to do reckless things he’d regret later, peer pressuring him in ways that made you wonder if he even knew what loyalty meant. He had this weird loyalty to Ruthie, defending her comments as if she was some misunderstood angel when really, she was just… mean.

So that left Sarah. 

It felt weird, thinking of her as the person you’d call on for something so serious, she was the only one who felt… safe. She wouldn’t judge, wouldn’t pry, she’d seen what the worst kind of family conflict could do, and she’d keep this private, just for you.

It’s then you recognized how small your world was. How few people were truly yours.

You were pretty sure no one in this town would fully understand, they’d just offer their "advice," as if they knew you, seen what you’d been through. 

The truth was, they didn’t know shit. They hadn't seen you holding your sister’s hand, begging her to stay alive. They didn’t know what it was like to bury everything that made you feel like a person, like you belonged somewhere, and have to get up the next day like nothing happened.

Nine days, you would be halfway across the country, and you needed someone. You pictured saying it out loud: “I’m pregnant", just those two words, to someone’s face, you had no idea what to say next.

Maybe you’d tell them that it wasn’t about wanting it gone out of spite or shame, but because you couldn’t bring a child into a world where you felt this alone.

Earlier that morning, you’d stared down at your phone, thumb itching to click on Sarah’s name, like just pressing "call" could fix everything. You despised how needy it made you feel—reaching out, when you’d prided yourself on surviving alone. 

You didn’t have much time to ponder about it, because you were stuck at the beach cleanup.

Just like every other summer, another "social responsibility" event that your late father’s foundation insisted you smile through. Even back then, when they were alive, your summers were a carousel of charity galas, fundraisers, endless hours of small talk, and impeccably arranged seating charts.

The board members of the foundation probably thought it would “ground” you—remind you of your privilege, of your “responsibility” to give back. As if a couple of hours and a few bags of garbage would somehow balance the scales. They never seemed to understand how much of it was all for show, this shallow idea that if you looked the part, no one would care to learn more.

But, still, you’d show up. You always did. Smile, make just enough small talk to appease the right people. 

Today, it was just you, a few kids and teens dotted along the beach with oversized trash bags. It wasn’t even noon, but the sun felt like it was scorching you alive. It was laughable, really, standing under this blistering sun with a cheap trash bag and an endless stretch of sand to clean. 

Kie, who was so genuinely invested in this whole “save the planet” thing it was almost enviable was there too with JJ, who was running around her as usual, wearing his ‘I’m just here for the ride’ expression but enjoying himself. The love between them made you miss having someone who cared in ways that weren’t just calculated moves.

She waved at you from the shoreline, her eyes moving to the trash bag you were barely half-filling.

You weren’t friends, but if Sarah liked her, you did too.

You offered a faint smile back, tired, because between all the shit you’d been thinking about, you'd forgotten to eat, to drink anything, and every time you leaned down to grab another crumpled plastic bottle or a bit of seaweed-laden garbage, you felt like your legs were about to give out on you. 

Every now and then, she would throw a quick, appraising glance your way, like she was expecting you to miraculously become invested in the beach’s ecosystem.

You didn’t have it in you to pretend this was enjoyable today. The “effortless” philanthropy your family loved was a lifestyle you’d never bought into. It didn’t matter how many smiling photos of you had ended up on some charity’s social media—you knew you’d rather be anywhere else.

You had to take a break every few minutes, leaning against a pier post, trying to get yourself together as a few of the younger kids gave you wary glances. You could have left—probably should have.

You managed a tight-lipped smile, giving a thumbs-up that said, Just doing great over here, guys!

You were in a long t-shirt, which hung over your bikini and shorts, the fabric slightly oversized, to help hide what was still a small change in your body. Paranoia was your new best friend, always worrying that someone would notice something different, even if you didn’t have a noticeable bump yet.

Bending down to grab another plastic bottle, you felt a stab of nausea hit you hard, rolling up from your stomach, thick and sour, but you ignored it. Not here. Not now.

You straightened up too fast, and your vision blurred slightly, that familiar sense of vertigo hitting you. You took a shallow breath, ignoring the burn at the back of your throat, your hands shaking slightly as you adjusted the bag slung over your shoulder.

One girl looked up at you with these wide eyes kids like to pull, “Are you okay?” 

You smiled, brushing it off as if you weren’t about two seconds away from collapsing. “Of course. Just... need a second.” 

The kids were watching you again, with that look of curiosity. You couldn’t look them in the eye. It wasn’t their fault. They just didn’t understand that sometimes the grown-ups didn’t know what they were doing either. 

Just a few more bags of trash and you’d be able to get back to your car, maybe grab some water from the cooler in the trunk, sit down, and think about it.

This used to be easy, you got a weird kind of enjoyment from these cleanups, running around with your sister, making it a competition to see who could pick up the most trash, laughing until your stomachs hurt over stupid jokes about jellyfish and sunscreen. Back then, this was just one of a thousand little family traditions, one of those things that felt effortless.

Now, sweat dripped down the back of your neck, making your skin prickle uncomfortably.

You’d long given up wiping it away, knowing that it would only come back thicker and hotter the next second. Every instinct told you to run off to the parking lot, and sit in the car with the AC blasting until your body remembered it didn’t hate you.

Leaning down for one last bottle wedged in the sand, your legs wobbled and gave way beneath you. Just like that, your vision was spotty, as if someone had turned down the brightness on the entire beach, and you pitched forward.

Just as you felt yourself going down, a hand caught your arm, pulling you back up.

"Whoa, whoa, you okay?" A teenage boy, maybe sixteen, gripped your arm firmly, keeping you upright.

How much longer could they realistically expect you to go on, plastering on that sweet, dutiful smile? How much “grounding” could one person take?

You blinked, trying to clear the haze in your eyes, "I’m fine. Just a little lightheaded, really, it’s fine,” you insisted, but then a shadow loomed beside you. 

Your vision was so foggy that it took seconds for you to register it.

You looked up slowly, feeling a familiar drop in your stomach as you realized who it was.

The last time you’d been this close to him, the two of you had been screaming insults across the room, Lily having to physically step in. She’d forced him to leave before you two killed each other. It was a miracle you hadn’t punched him then and there.

 “You should sit down.”

It felt like a sidekick to your chest.

The sound of his voice was grinding on your nerves, and just like that you were stuck back in your dream, a real memory, leaning against him, his hand playing with a strand of your hair as he laughed at something you’d said, the two of you carefree under a golden sunset. 

Except this was real.

Rafe was shirtless, with his board tucked under one arm, surf wax staining his fingers, and the sun glinting off his damp skin, like he was God’s gift to the Outer Banks. His buzzed hair was dark and wet, droplets trailing down his temples and catching along his jawline. His cheeks were flushed, a little red from the heat.

You looked away, somewhere over his shoulder, anywhere but at him, refusing to let him see you in this fragile state.

“Go away. I’m fine.”

But he didn’t move.

He’d been summoned from your absolute worst memories, catching you at your lowest when you least wanted his help. Typical. 

“No,” he refused firmly, with that stupid, stubborn look that made you want to throw something at his head. “I’ve seen you almost fall three times now.”

“Maybe if you stopped looking at me like a creep, you wouldn’t have to see me ‘almost fall.”

“I wasn’t—"

You grounded your teeth, “Just go back to surfing.”

Rafe let out a dry laugh, shaking his head as if you were the one acting crazy. “Yeah, 'cause you look perfectly stable right now.”

He'd always been a master of the passive-aggressive half-sneer, the art of making you feel like everyone else was imposing on his day, no matter the situation.

“Don’t act like you care.” you snapped, voice carrying over the sand, earning a few glances from nearby kids.

He ran a hand over his face, looking around as if he didn’t want to be there any more than you did, mouth pressed into a tight line. You wanted to scream that this was his fault too, that every choice he’d made led to you standing here alone, exhausted, and terrified.

“Water would help, y’know”, his tone just shy of patronizing “You can’t go around dehydrating yourself just to make a point.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Your fingers twitched with the urge to send him stumbling to the other side of the beach, you knew that any sudden movement would make you light-headed again, and the last thing you wanted was to give him more proof of your weakness.

The kid—still standing there, eyes wide and darting between you both—looked like he was watching a reality TV show when Kiara appeared at your side.

“Let’s not do this here,” she begged under her breath, handing you a bottle of water she’d brought over, a kindness you didn’t want but couldn’t reject. “Just sit down for a second, please?”

JJ followed, always with that air of easygoing nonchalance, but his eyes were serious as he glanced from you to Rafe.

“She’s right. Just take a second, yeah?” He looked over at Rafe, “Maybe you should leave,” he said pointedly.

“Maybe you should mind your fuckin’ business Maybank.”

“Look, uh,” the kid stammered, knowing he could get caught in the crossfire. “I’ll… I’ll go see if anyone needs help further down the beach…”

You waved him off, your focus still locked on Rafe as the kid all but bolted away, you didn’t want anyone to think they had to “rescue” you.

You tried to take a step back, but the little strength you had in you disappeared as you felt your knees wobble.

"Jesus," you heard him groan, and then his hands were on your arms, board on the sand, holding you as you stumbled. "I told you to sit down."

You shook his hands off, "Don’t tell me what to do.”

It was hard to believe the two of you had once burned hotter than any bonfire, two people who got under each other’s skin, in love, and in hate.

He let out an exasperated sigh while you took a sip from the water Kiara handed you, ignoring how your hands were still shaking around the bottle. 

She spoke again, trying to be the voice of reason, "We’re here to help the community, remember?"

JJ smirked, "Yeah, think the sea turtles are rooting for y’all to work out your issues somewhere else.”

You ignored his joke, keeping your eyes on Rafe, your pride and stubbornness refusing to let him win, “I’m fine.”

“Yeah?”

He looked you over, his gaze fixed to your warm cheeks and the dewy sheen across your temple, “You look real fine, don’t you?” He didn’t even try to cloak his sarcasm.

God, he could be so exasperating.

He couldn’t understand. How could he even think he could look at you now and know anything about who you were? Standing there, with that stupid board and that look, like he couldn’t imagine anything bothering him as much as this seemed to be bothering you.

As if he hadn’t already ruined you in so many ways that felt impossible to get over. 

“Don’t you have something better to do?” 

“Oh, believe me, I do,” he drawled, his eyes trailing from the waves back to you. 

You were tired of this game, of fighting him every time he showed up only to leave you feeling even emptier than before.

Your fists clenched, and you opened your mouth to hurl something back, but the dizziness hit you again. Before you could compose yourself, Rafe’s arm wrapped around your waist, strong and frustratingly secure, holding you upright with an ease that made your skin crawl.

He had seen you at your weakest, had been there at the hospital after the accident, keeping you together when you were certain you’d break. 

Yet, here you were, in a sick way, back in his arms, all broken apart.

“That’s it. I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“I hate to say it, but he’s right,” JJ chimed in, hand shielding his eyes from the sun.

The world alone had all kinds of alarms going off in your brain. You fought back instinctively, your hands pushing at his chest, freeing your arm. 

“I told you, I’m fine.”

He let go, but he didn’t back away.

Instead, he narrowed his eyes, “You think I don’t know what fine looks like? I was there.”

He was there. And you didn’t want to be reminded of it, not in front of other people. 

He meant the exhaustion and hunger pains you’d welcomed after your family was gone, embraced even, because it meant you wouldn’t have to feel anything else.

You’d wanted to disappear, and he’d been there—dragging you back, forcing you to drink water and swallow bites of food, even when you pushed him away. He’d seen you at your absolute lowest, where you didn’t care if you made it through the day. 

The thought of the hospital, tests, questions, you fought it, but your vision was already blurring.

You couldn’t let him find out about the baby. 

Your breathing felt tighter, each shallow breath only making the spinning worse, you could sense your body giving in to the exhaustion

“Shit,” you heard him curse, sounding distant now like he was farther away. 

You felt yourself sway as if the ground was opening beneath you, there was a ringing in your ears that made his voice sound muffled but you still felt his arms catching you again, holding you upright before you fell.

Waking up in a moving vehicle was like emerging from a nightmare, except somehow, this was worse, because you were no longer at the beach. 

You blinked hard, desperate to wipe the fogginess in your eyes and when it did go away, you realized who was behind the wheel. 

Rafe. 

Your heart pounded—your desperation to keep the baby a secret, how you almost passed out at the beach, and the fact that now he was most likely driving you to the hospital.

“What the hell are you doing?” you practically screamed, your voice hoarse from the lack of water.

He didn’t spare you a glance, “You passed out, genius. I’m taking you to the hospital.”

Your whole body went rigid. “Are you insane?”

“Me?” He scoffed, as he kept his focus on the road. “You practically ate sand back there. You’re not fine.”

“Turn the car around. I’ll call my driver and be fine.” You huffed like he was too dumb to understand. “I don’t need your help.”

He let out a dry laugh, still not looking at you. 

“Yeah. You’re out of your mind if you think I’m letting you out of this car right now.”

“Rafe, I’m not kidding,” you warned, louder this time. “Stop. The. Car.”

He gave you a sideways glance, his grip on the wheel tightening.

“Not happening.”

Your heart hammered as you realized he wasn’t going to back down, you were driven by sheer desperation.

“Fine, then I’ll do it myself." you muttered, reaching for the door handle. 

Anything to get out of this suffocating car before he dragged you all the way to the ER and they found out you were pregnant—with his baby, no less.

His eyes widened, finally snapping from the road to your hand on the handle.

“Are you crazy? Get your hand off that, I’m fuckin' serious.”

You yanked at it anyway, twisting the handle and pulling with spiteful defiance, and Rafe’s expression went from annoyed to full-on rage. He swerved the car to the side of the road, tires skidding as he slammed the brakes and practically threw the car into park.

Before he could even stop fully, you flung the door open and stumbled out, sandals sinking into the gravel as you stalked away.

You didn’t get more than a few feet, he was already bolting after you.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” you muttered, digging your nails into your palms. 

How the hell had it come to this? You were stuck here, pregnant with his child, and he played the reluctant hero like you needed him swooping in to save you.

Rafe reached you in two strides, his fingers were digging into his forehead, pointing at it with exasperation imprinted into every corner of his face. 

“Are you out of your fuckin' mind?” He sounded like he was talking to some unruly child.

And the worst part? You could see that frustration in his eyes, the same look he used to give you when he’d reached his limit with you.

You wondered if he ever got to that point with Sofia.

What would he do if she was the one almost fainting? Would he still look like she was some colossal burden, or would he soften, maybe even smile as he fussed over her, acting like he wanted to help?

You hated yourself for caring at all.

Sofia—the one who looked like she'd been ripped off from some perfect postcard, all wide-eyed sweetness and gentle smiles. She probably never challenged him, snapped back, or made him want to pull his hair out.

There was no way he’d look at her like she was a mess, someone he just had to “deal with.” He likely saw her as easy, perfect, all soft and sweet words, everything you weren’t.

This wasn’t who you wanted to be, and yet here you were, stumbling around half-dead and pregnant with his child.

“I’m sorry, am I bothering you?” You spat the words, watching his jaw clench tighter. 

He exhaled sharply, rolling his eyes. 

“Unbelievable. Only you could take me trying to help and turn it into this.”

You were done. You were done with the memories, with the torment of seeing him be something better for someone else. 

“Help?” You laughed bitterly, the anger engulfing you so hard it felt as if it choking you. “You think this is help? That I need you, of all people?”

He took a step back, holding up his hands in mock surrender. “I'm trying to help."

You hated how calm he was, how rational he sounded.

It was maddening when all you wanted was for him to get angry, to let that icy surface crack, to give you even a glimpse of something real, something that wasn’t just irritation or sarcasm.

You wanted proof that he still was affected by you, that this was the same guy who used to be everything, who’d promised you everything.

But you swallowed it down, straightening up, because there was no way in hell, you’d let him see even a hint of weakness.

“Trust me,” you shot back, “I’ll be just fine without you.”

He raised an eyebrow, a bitter smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth, “Get in the car.”

“No,” you said, firm and unyielding, every inch of you screaming that you wouldn’t let him decide anything for you ever again.

“Fine. Have it your way.”

In one swift move, he reached out, his hands gripping your arms with enough pressure to pull you forward, lifting you clean off your feet. Your breath caught in a furious gasp as he practically dragged you back to the car, his fingers warm against your skin, like you were just a mild convenience. 

“Put me down!” 

You struggled against his hold, jabbing at his chest with what little strength you could muster, but he didn’t even flinch, didn’t so much as hesitate. 

“Rafe, I swear—”

He opened the passenger door with one hand, keeping a firm grip on you with the other, before finally setting you down—not gently—onto the seat. Without meaning to, tears began falling as you struggled against his hands. You could feel them wetting your cheeks, your voice was breaking, jumping to distress as you tried to twist out of his hold, feeling so small under his unrelenting strength.

He almost knelt in front of you, reaching for the seat belt with one hand, while his other remained firmly on your shoulder, holding you still. You felt trapped, impresioned as you tried to turn in every direction, hands weakly pushing him back, but he caught them effortlessly.

“Stop!” you meekly choked out, failing to shove him, the words coming out shameful.

You could feel your heart breaking all over again.

You hated that he was seeing you like this, how he dared to act like you needed him—it made your skin crawl. You hated that he could do this, like he had any right like you’d ever wanted him involved in this part of your life, let alone now.

This was a version of you only Rafe could bring out.

You glared up at him, practically shaking with rage as Rafe ignored your protests like you were nothing more than a child throwing a fit. 

“Get your hands off me.”

His jaw tightened, ignoring the flailing punches and slaps grazing him, and you couldn’t stop the sob that escaped, loud and ugly.

“I’m not letting you kill yourself out of spite.”

Your chest hurt like you’d been run over a hundred times—it felt suffocating. “I hate you.”

For the first time, you thought he might actually leave you here. 

His fingers stopped as if your words had made an impact, his lips pressed into a thin line. Your vision blurred as he leaned in, his touch hovering as if to wipe away the tear running down your cheek, but he didn’t, instead, he closed his hand into a fist and drew back, his face just inches from yours. 

A faint, humorless smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he clicked the seatbelt into place. He made a low humming noise, that thing he did when he was getting ready to make someone feel two inches tall. 

 "Yeah? Get in line."

Without another word, he pulled back, slamming the door shut, and walking around to the driver’s side.

You wiped at your cheeks, furious that he’d seen you like this, that he had the power to break you down. It was humiliating, sitting here in his car, every part of your body screaming to escape. 

He got in, started the engine, neither of you spoke.

Rafe drove fast, every rev of the engine matching the churning in your stomach perfectly. You sat there, trembling, the dread building with every mile that passed. You gripped the seatbelt so hard it felt like your entire body might go numb, and stared straight ahead, breathing shallow, trying to ignore the sting in your eyes.

You bit back another wave of nausea. Weakness.

You’d already shown him too much. 

You didn’t need a lecture from some doctor on how you “should’ve taken better care of yourself", let alone with Rafe there, watching, scrutinizing, acting like this was his business when he’d made it clear long ago that it wasn’t. He was in your space in the worst way, reopening all the wounds.

You were seething. He had no right to do this.

The thought made you want to drop dead—doctor would walk in, casually drop the news about the baby, and you'd be left watching his reaction in real time.

You looked at the entrance to the ER. The vision of anyone running tests, of some well-meaning nurse, coming in and spilling everything about the baby in front of him—no way. You wouldn’t let that happen.

He wasted no time getting out, moving around to your side, while you sat rigidly, staring straight ahead. His hand was already on the door, yanking it open, looking down at you like he was ready to drag you inside if he had to.

You weren’t moving. You knew the second you stepped inside, it would be over. 

“C’mon,” Rafe pressed, his hand outstretched, hovering there like he thought he could compel you to listen. “Stop being so stubborn.”

You crossed your arms over your stomach, refusing to meet his eyes.

“I’m not going in.”

Rafe let out a sigh, nearing his limit, and knelt down to your level.

“Look, you passed out. I’m not leaving until you get checked out.”

“You’re gonna be here for a while then.”

“Would you stop?” His voice softened for the first time, as if he was trying to reach some part of you that he thought still cared. “You look like you haven’t slept in days, like you haven’t eaten anything that wasn’t out of a vending machine. I know you don’t want my help, but can you just stop for a second and—”

“And what?” you interrupted.

“And think! If you don’t get in there, I’ll drag you in myself.”

Your heart raced, “You wouldn’t dare.”

Rafe stepped closer; his jaw set in determination. “Try me.”

“You’re not coming in."

He blinked like the idea hadn’t even occurred to him. “What?”

Maybe he was seeing the protection you’d built up around yourself since he left, how there was no longer any crack left open for him to slip through.

“I don’t need you. I don’t want you in there.”

“Fine.” His tone was clipped, restrained. “But I’ll be right here.”

You slammed the door shut behind you, not letting him your legs still shaking. You’d rather collapse face-first into the concrete than give him the satisfaction of listening to him. 

“Yeah, you do that,” you replied, turning and walking toward the entrance, refusing to look back.

Stepping inside, you felt a slight tremor run through you—part relief, part panic. The lights were too bright, almost white. Your heart wobbled, replaying how he’d been such a fucking asshole to you.

You’d forgotten how mean he could be, how easily he could go from angry to something so frigid it made you want to cry yourself to sleep.

“Hi there,” The receptionist greeted, her eyes moving over you with a professional once-over, “What brings you in today?”

You forced a small smile, knowing she wouldn’t buy it.

“Just…got a little dehydrated, that’s all.”

“Okay…let’s just get some basic information.” She clicked into her computer, her fingers poised over the keyboard. “Name?”

You cleared your throat, rattling off your full name, she nodded, typing it in.

“Have you experienced any other symptoms besides dizziness?”

“Nothing serious,” you replied, dismissively. “It’s just the heat, like I said. I just need some water and I’ll be good as new.”

This had to be a fucking nightmare you got sucked in, you could sense your blood pressure spike.

She tapped her screen and glanced back at you.

“Alright, Miss Thornton, it looks like we’ll just need a few quick details here to get you all checked in. Can I start with your insurance provider?”

A chuckle almost slipped out of you. Insurance—God, you were fine with insurance. What you weren’t okay with was everything else. You answered, “Blue Cross.”

She asked for your birthdate, which you gave on autopilot, hoping she’d skip any weird or invasive questions. “Any allergies?”

You shook your head. Please, just let this be over. 

“It’s really not a big deal,” You blurted out, giving her a thin smile and forcing calm into your voice. “I just need the IV. You know, standard stuff.”

“Of course, dear. We’ll get things started, it will include routine tests, like bloodwork, just to be safe.”

Bloodwork. Perfect. You were doing everything you could to keep from falling into that spiraling panic mode. 

Please, just get me in, get me out, and don’t find anything.

“Just head down to Room 12.”

All you could think was that you wanted this to be over—before the whole town, or worse, he, found out. It made you want to scream. He was the last person who should be outside.

This was his fault. You’d never be here if he hadn’t shown up.

The next hour passed in seconds—questions, forms, an IV drip.

They’d done blood work, too, but you’d sighed in relief when they’d told you the results wouldn’t be ready immediately. As far as they knew, you’d just overdone it, and now, as you lay on a cot in a room that reeked of sick people, all they’d prescribed was rest, hydration, and food.

When the nurse asked if anyone could pick you up, the thought of calling someone, asking them to see you like this, made you delirious. You didn’t need anyone; you were perfectly fine on your own.

But you also didn’t want Rafe and his delusional ass to barge through the doors.

The nurse moved around you awkwardly, eyes still expectant, as if you were just a button away from a reliable “someone” to come running.

You looked at her, controlling the compulsion to yell. Little people ever bothered to check on you, to show up for more than just the drama or gossip.

Out of them, only one face bounced around in your head.

“Yeah, I got someone.”

TAGLIST: @maybankslover @october-baby25 @haruvalentine4321 @hopelesslydevoted2paige @rafebb @rafesbby @whytheylosttheirminds

@zyafics @astarlights @bruher @nosebeers @carrerascameron @serrendiipty @sunny1616

@yootvi @ditzyzombiesblog @psychocitylights @maibelitaaura @kiiyomei

@stoned-writer @justafangirls-blog-deactivated2

@starkeygirlposts @enjoymyloves @ijustwanttoreadlols @icaqttt

[corroded-hellfire]

More Munson Than Expected - Eddie Munson x Reader

An As You Wish story

Written with my beloved @munson-blurbs 💜

Summary: The ultrasound for your second pregnancy brings a new wave of excitement to the Munson household.

Note: The excitement I have to let this secret out of the bag after cooking it up for over a year is real. I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: pregnant!reader

Words: 4.1k

[As You Wish masterlist]

“Eddie, you didn’t have to come with me,” you remind him again as he pulls up a chair next to the examination table he just helped you get situated on.

Your husband gives you a disapproving look as he makes himself comfortable in the seat. He shakes his head as he reaches out and takes one of your hands in his.

“Did you really think I was going to miss this?” he asks. “No way. I was there for Eliza’s first ultrasound, I’m going to be there for this one’s too.”

“What about the boys?”

Eddie sighs. “I was there for Ryan’s. But I wasn’t aware of when Luke’s was, so I missed it. Don’t tell him.”

“I won’t,” you say, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “He would know it wasn’t your fault, though.”

“You keep your mouth shut too, hmm?” Eddie leans over and presses a kiss to your emerging bump. 

“I don’t know if he or she developed a mouth yet,” you say, the sanitary paper crinkling beneath you as you try to get comfortable. 

“Not gonna find out if you’re a he or she,” Eddie continues talking to his developing child. He reaches out and rubs a hand over your stomach. “Wanna see you, though. And make sure you’re healthy.”

The door to the examination room swings open, bringing with it the distinct smell of antiseptic. The ultrasound technician walks in and closes the door behind her.

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Munson,” she greets with a smile. “My name is Tara and I’ll be doing your ultrasound today. The doctor tells me that you don’t want to know the sex. Is that correct?”

“Yes,” you respond with a nod. “We want this one to be a surprise.”

“That is no problem. Let me just set up here and we’ll get started.”

While she gets to work, Eddie helps you as you attempt to tug your shirt up enough to avoid the cold and sticky goo that will inevitably be squirted on your stomach for the ultrasound. You’re able to tuck it into the underwire of your bra just to be sure that it won’t slide back down and get all messy. 

One of the sleeves of Eddie’s jumpsuit falls down and he shoves it back up past his elbow. You take in the navy material, your eye tracing over his name sewn on in red thread over his heart. 

“What time are they expecting you back at work?” you ask him.

He shrugs. “They know where I’m at. They know it might be a little while.” 

“Alright, are we ready?” Tara asks.

“Yep.” You offer your hand to Eddie again and he laces his ringed fingers with yours. 

Tara picks up the bottle of the dreaded goo and squirts a healthy amount on your abdomen. The chill against your skin sends a shiver throughout your body. At least the wand should warm it up as the tech spreads the substance around to get the best view of the baby. 

To you and your husband it feels like you’re just looking at a black screen with wavy white lines on it. Somehow, everything seems to make sense to Tara as she positions the wand on different parts of your stomach. 

“Oh,” she says at one point, stilling the instrument against your skin. “Here we go.”

A soft but steady thump thump thump fills the air of examination room 5. Tears immediately well up in your eyes. You look at Eddie to see him grinning from ear to ear. 

With the slightest movement of the wand sliding against the goo, you hear thump thump thump thump thump thump.

“Oh wow,” you say through a sniffle. “You can hear it even better now.”

“Sounds strong,” Eddie adds. 

“Actually…” Tara trails off.

“What?” Eddie asks. You feel his hand tighten in your grip. “It’s…not strong?”

“Oh, no, no, it’s very strong. It sounds perfect to me. But I want you to listen.” There are a few moments of silence as the three of you listen to the heartbeat. 

“It sounds fast,” you say.

“It does,” Tara agrees. “But if you listen, you can hear some of the beats overlapping one another.”

She leans in towards the screen and moves the wand again, just slightly. A smile grows on her face as she spots something in the mess of gray shapes on the machine. “Hear it?” she asks.

“Yeah, kind of,” Eddie says. “What does that mean?”

“Well, if you look here,” she replies, pointing towards what looks like a small blob, “that’s your baby.”

Pure glee radiates throughout your entire being. It’s your first glimpse at your and Eddie’s new baby. Another life that the two of you created together. You share a quick loving look with your husband before you both become engrossed in the image on the screen again.

“And here…” Tara says, sliding her finger slightly to the right, “is your other baby.”

The room goes silent save for the sound of the heartbeat. Or rather, heartbeats. Though your ears heard the words, your brain is still processing what they mean. It’s clearly the same with Eddie, as he stares at Tara just like you are.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie finally says. He chuckles and licks over his lips. “Did you say, ‘other baby’?”

“I did, indeed.” Tara taps a few keys on the machine, and it looks like it takes a screenshot. “There are two babies here. Two distinct heartbeats and two little nuggets showing off to the camera.”

“Twins.” The word comes out of you as a whispered breath. “We’re having twins.”

“Not just Baby Munson #4,” Eddie adds in a voice as awed as yours. “Baby Munson #5, too.”

“And they both appear to be developing well,” Tara says. 

Eddie laughs. “No. No, we, uh, we’re not having twins.” He looks down at you, then back at Tara. “We decided we’re just having one more. I’m already forty-one, so just the one newborn is already pushing it.”

Tara grins, clearly used to this kind of reaction. “Well, you’d better rest up. Because you’ll be a father to two new little ones in a few months.”

Eddie grabs your hand, still stunned by the news. You can’t say you’re faring much better, although it does explain why this pregnancy has been so much more intense than when you were expecting Eliza. Part of you feels relieved that it wasn’t all in your head. But another part…

“Twins.” The word leaves your lips in an exhale. “We’re…babe, we’re gonna have five kids. We’re gonna be a family of seven.”

A clammy hand squeezes yours, and you glance up to see Eddie visibly trembling. “How am I gonna raise five kids?” He murmurs. “That’s one more than Harrington, and that dude was pretty much born to be a dad.”

Tara’s brows furrow as she cleans off your belly. “I’ll, um, leave you two to discuss.” She starts for the door, then turns around. “Take all the time you need.”

As soon as the door clicks shut, Eddie starts pacing around the tiny exam room. “Okay, okay. We’re having two babies. At the same time.”

“Yes, that’s generally what happens with twins.”

He rolls his eyes in annoyance. “I could do without your sarcasm right now, Sweetheart. I just found out that I’m about to out-kid Steve Harrington.”

“Out-kid?” You tuck your lips into your mouth to stifle a laugh. 

Eddie doesn’t pick up on your joking tone. “Yes! He has four, and I’ll have five. Five!” He rakes a hand through his hair. “I was barely keeping two alive before you came along, and now I’m gonna be responsible for five?!”

“First of all,” you say, pushing yourself up, “you were an amazing dad before we got together. Even before I started watching the boys, when you were basically doing it on your own. Give yourself some credit. Second, Ryan will be going to college soon enough, so we’ll only have four kids in the house.”

Your attempt at consoling your husband falls flat. “Oh my god, I’m gonna have infants while my oldest is gonna be in college! I’m supposed to be slowing down, not re-babyproofing the house!” He buries his head in his hands. “What were we thinking? And why do you always have to look so hot? I wouldn’t be tempted to jump your bones all the time if you weren’t so goddamn sexy.”

You sigh. “I mean, you’re the one who’s always telling me you want to ‘pump me full of your babies.’ Guess now you really did it.”

“Holy shit.” Eddie runs his hands down his face and takes a deep breath. He stands in the same spot, staring at you for a few silent moments before a smile begins to crack through his fog. “Holy shit.”

“Calming down now?” you ask, raising an eyebrow. “Or realizing I’m the one who has to push two of them out of my body?”

Eddie ambles over to you on the examining table and rests his forehead against yours. His shoulders have gone down to their usual height again, no longer bunched up around his ears with tension. 

“Okay, I had my mini freak out,” he says softly, reaching up to tug the hem of your shirt down back over your bump. “You may have yours.”

With a low chuckle, you reach up and cup your husband’s face in your hands. 

“I still don’t think it’s hit me yet,” you admit. “Or maybe trying to logic-out your fear helped me with my own, too. I mean, you said something about being too old to re-babyproof the house? Sweetheart, we would have had to do that with one baby anyway.”

“Common sense left me there for a little bit, I’ll admit.”

“And I’ve got one more bone to pick with you,” you say, leaving one hand on his face and using the other to poke him in the chest. 

“What’s that?”

“You said Steve was pretty much born to be a dad. Eddie, out of all the people I’ve ever met in my life, you are definitely the one who was always meant to be a dad.” You lower your hand to your bump. “Because it doesn’t matter if there were one, two, three, or even eight babies in here. You’d still love them all unconditionally and try your hardest to give the world to them.”

“I love our babies,” Eddie replies softly. His hand moves to rest on top of yours on your bump. “I love our twins.”

“Hey, we’ve got some extra resources this time around, too,” you point out. “Ryan drives now. We can recruit him for diaper or formula runs. And he can take Luke and Eliza places if we’re not able to. Luke is old enough now not to be intimidated by being around newborns. He’ll definitely be more hands-on than he was with Eliza. And speaking of the little firecracker…we already know she’s going to be like a mother hen to them. See? Recruiting the kids to help with the kids. And that doesn’t even mention Wayne and all of our friends. At least ninety percent of them owe us from watching their kids at one point or another.” 

“My wife is so smart,” Eddie praises with a small smile. 

“She is,” you reply coyly. “Do you think you could help me off this table, though? Makes sense why it’s been harder for me to get up from things lately—two against one here.”

Eddie gently takes your arms and leads you to a comfortable seated position before helping you hop down from the high table. 

The two of you walk hand-in-hand out of the doctor’s office and across the parking lot to your car. The sun seems warmer and brighter than when you went in. There’s not a cloud in the sky—were there any before? Birds call to one another from the trees that encircle the medical plaza, and their tune brings a smile to your face. Everything seems so light and airy around you that it almost makes you feel like you’re dissociating. But there’s Eddie’s hand in yours. The sneakers you wear knock against the concrete with every step, reverberating the vibration up your legs. You’re very much here in this moment. The magic in the air comes from knowing the amount of love you carried for the bundle of joy in your belly has just doubled. The thought of kissing two little button noses goodnight every day instead of one has you giddy. 

“Baby,” you say as Eddie opens the passenger car door for you. “We’re gonna have double the cuddles.”

“Double the drooly kisses.” The smile on your husband’s face tells you that he’s excited about the prospect. “Double new baby smell.”

You secure your seatbelt and rest both of your hands on your belly as Eddie walks around the car and slides into the driver’s seat. 

“Double the love we give and receive,” you muse softly, looking down at your protruding bump. “I wonder if I’ll get double the pain meds when I’m in labor.”

Eddie laughs as he pulls the car out of the parking space. 

“Time will tell,” he says. “Are you hungry, princess?”

“Yeah. I mean, makes sense, since I’m eating for three,” you reply. “But don’t you have to get back to work?”

“There is no way I’ll be able to focus on anything,” Eddie says with a breathy chuckle as he shakes his head. “I’m taking the rest of the day.”

“Okay. Do you want to get lunch at—oh boy.”

Eddie’s eyes glance over at you before looking back on the road.

“What?” he asks. “What’s wrong?” 

“No, not wrong,” you say. “Just…I-I don’t know how we’ll keep this from the kids. We didn’t think we’d have anything to report to them other than the baby being healthy since we’re not finding out the sex. But there’s absolutely no way I won’t slip up and say ‘babies’ or ‘them’ or something that will give it away. I’d rather they hear the news from us directly than catching us in a slip.”

Eddie nods in agreement. “How do you think we should tell them?”

“Umm…” You purse your lips as you start to ponder different scenarios. Both you and Eddie think in silence for a few minutes before he speaks.

“Oh, I’ve got an idea…”

Eliza is thrilled to have both of her parents picking her up from school. The way she goes on and on about an arts and crafts project they did in class today reminds you of when you were just the babysitter and picked Ryan and Luke up from school. Luke always had something interesting to babble on about—much to your amusement. 

Your second oldest is already at home when you walk in the front door holding Eliza’s hand and Eddie trails in behind with a few bags from the store. Usually, Ryan drives both himself and Luke home from school every day, but now Ryan takes SAT Prep classes once a week after school, forcing Luke to take the bus home. Which you’d think was one of the trials of Hercules with how often Luke shares his disdain for the form of transportation. 

“Whatcha got, Pops?” Luke asks from the couch. His hand is buried in a bag of white cheddar popcorn and an episode of Supernatural is on the television. 

“You’ll see,” Eddie tells him, taking the bags straight to your room. Best to keep them out of the way of the two nosiest Munson children. Although, you wonder to yourself if that will change with the new additions. 

Eliza spies the snack her brother has and quickly sheds her Little Mermaid backpack and pink Mary Jane shoes to climb up on the couch next to him. She sticks an arm in the popcorn bag and brings out as big a handful as her little fist would allow her. 

“There’s food in the bags,” Eliza says to Luke through the kernels stuffing her cheeks.

“Huh?” Luke clearly doesn’t speak four-year-old-with-a-full-mouth.

“The bags Daddy has,” Eliza says once she’s swallowed. She wipes her white cheddar covered fingertips on her white tights. “There’s food in them. I smelled it in the car.” 

“Good job, Watson,” he tells her.

“Uh, who?” Eliza gives her older brother a look that clearly relays she thinks he’s crazy. It doesn’t stop her from taking another handful of popcorn, though. 

“Watson. Sherlock Holmes’ assistant. They’re detectives, Lize.”

“Oh,” is all she says before shoving more popcorn into her mouth. 

You putter around, cleaning up the kitchen and tidying the living room to keep yourself from spilling the beans too early. It’s important to wait until Ryan gets home later. You just know time is going to crawl by at a snail’s pace for the next hour and a half.

When your oldest son finally arrives home, you usher everyone around the kitchen table for a family meeting. 

“Am I in trouble?” Luke huffs. “Because if I am, I’d like to plead not guilty.”

Eddie raises his brows. “Not sure why you’d be in trouble, but I’m sure we’ll find out.” He clears his throat, placing a loving hand on your bump. “No, this family meeting is to tell you guys some exciting news we got at the ultrasound today.”

He reaches over and plucks a grease-soaked Burger King bag from the counter. “Ry, you get the first clue.”

Ryan practically tears open the bag, the hungry teenager ready to devour the Double Whopper without even unwrapping it. 

“Is the baby a hamburger?” Ryan asks mid-bite. He pulls out the fries you got along with it. “Or is it small? Is the clue ‘small fry?’”

You shake your head. “Nope. Nice try, though.” 

Luke’s clue is next, though he’s too busy trying to get his brother to share his food to really pay attention. When Ryan finally relents and tosses a fry his way, Luke looks down at the Gameboy game box in front of him. 

“A Looney Tunes double pack?” He wrinkles his nose. “Are you naming the baby Tweety Bird?”

Eliza sticks out her little tongue in disgust. “That’s a horrible name for a baby!”

“Maybe it looks like Elmer Fudd, like Eliza did when she was born,” Ryan chimes in, licking ketchup off of his thumb. 

“Who?” Your daughter glances between the boys, unaware of the joke being made at her expense.

Luke doesn’t hesitate to fill her in. “The weird guy who hunts Bugs Bunny. The one who always goes, ‘ooh, I hate that wabbit!’”

Eliza shoots him a glare that’s equal parts adorable and terrifying. Luckily, she’s easily distracted by her clue. 

“For Eliza,” you say as you tug the crinkling Target bag off of the biggest hint of all. Eddie already made sure to open the box and cut any wires attached so your daughter can get right at the twin Baby Alive dolls. 

The four-year-old gasps. “Babies!” She holds her arms out as you deliver the box to her.

Little fingers grab onto the first doll, and she gently places it on the table in front to her before removing the second doll. The rest of the family watches in amusement as Eliza covers the baby on the table with a blanket, and cradles the other one in her arms, holding its bottle to its mouth. 

“So,” Eddie asks, rubbing his hands together, “what do these gifts have in common?”

The three of them begin to think. At least, you’re pretty sure Eliza is thinking about it. She’s gazing down at the doll in her arms with the most heartwarming compassion. 

“There’s two burger patties, two games, two dolls…” Luke muses.

“Wait,” Ryan says, his head perking up as an idea occurs to him. “Is it a girl? Like, two X chromosomes?”

Your husband simply stares at your oldest son for a moment before responding.

“In what world would I be smart enough to come up with that?” he asks. 

Luke nods his head in your direction. “Ma is, though. But I think it’s a boy because there’s two of us boys already.”

“Then the hint would have to do with three, genius,” Ryan scoffs. 

The younger brother contorts his face and mocks his brother’s words in a high-pitched voice.

“Maybe Mama has two babies in her belly.” Your daughter’s words are spoken with the most casual tone, the majority of her attention on the plastic doll she’s gently rocking to sleep in her arms. 

The boys both laugh, Ryan rolling his eyes at what he considers a silly idea from a little girl. The Munson brothers turn to you and Eddie, expecting you to be joining in on the laughter, but all they find are your excited and hopeful faces. The chuckles trail off as the boys pause and consider what those faces mean. 

“Wait, you don’t mean…” Ryan starts.

“Oh my GOD!” Luke shouts, banging his hands down on the table in front of him. It rattles the doll Eliza isn’t holding, and she gives her big brother a glare over the disturbance. 

“No way!” Ryan stands up, excitement nearly paralyzing him. He doesn’t know what to do except smile as he holds his arms out in front of him awkwardly. “It’s really…twins?!”

“It’s twins!” you confirm. You make an attempt to stand as well, but the two babies inside of you are keeping your center of gravity low enough to make you give up. 

“Two babies!” Luke hoots. “This is insane!”

Eddie chuckles, his heart at once light as air and completely full at seeing the excitement of his boys. 

“Do you have a picture?” Luke asks.

“The sonogram,” Ryan adds.

“Yeah! Can we see it? Let us see the picture!”

“Do you even know what you’ll be looking at?” Ryan asks as he sits back down next to his brother.

Luke shrugs. “They’ll show us.”

“Okay, okay, here it is,” you say, handing over the image that’s been sitting in your back pocket. “That little spot right there is one baby, and that one right there is the other baby.”

Their stunned faces make you giggle softly as you lean back. 

“Oh my God,” Ryan says. “I can’t believe it’s twins.”

“Holy sh—crap, we’re going to have two new siblings.”

“We’re going to need a bigger house,” Ryan says, looking around the room everyone is seated in.

“Wow, there’s going to be a lot of people living here,” Luke says. “Dad, were you going for twins?”

“That’s not how it works, doofus,” Ryan says as Eddie shakes his head in amusement. 

Luke scoffs. “Explain it to me then, Mr. SAT.”

Eliza heaves a deep sigh for someone with such a tiny body and small lungs. She sets the baby doll in her arms down on the table next to its sleeping sibling. 

“You’re so loud!” she complains. 

“Lize, it’s twin babies!” Luke tells her, gently shaking her frame back and forth. 

“I know, I know, you keep saying it over and over!”

“Aren’t you excited?” Ryan asks her. 

Your daughter shrugs her shoulders once before picking her doll back up and cradling it in the crook of her arm.

“Sure.” 

Both boys look to you and Eddie at her lackluster reaction. You give a gentle shake of your head.

“Don’t worry,” you tell them. “It’ll click at some point.” 

“Oh, what a day,” you sigh as you slip under the blankets to lay down next to your husband. Eddie lifts his arm, and you immediately cuddle up to his side, resting your head on his shoulder. Your bump nudges his side, and you rub one hand over the soft material of your worn t-shirt. “Makes sense why my bump is more pronounced earlier than it was with Eliza.”

Eddie wraps one arm around your shoulders and brings the other one down to place his hand on top of your own. 

“Can't believe there are four of us in this bed,” he says with a light chuckle.

“Daddyyyyy! Mamaaaaaa!”

A four-year-old with wild curls runs into your room and leaps onto the bed, landing at your and Eddie’s feet.

“Make that five of us,” Eddie says. 

“You’re supposed to be asleep, Little Miss,” you tell Eliza.

She pushes herself onto her hands and knees in her purple piggy pajamas and quickly crawls up the infinitesimal space between you and her father. 

“Careful, careful,” Eddie cautions the closer she gets to your belly.

Eliza halts her ascent and leans back on her heels. Her chocolate brown eyes are as wild as her bedhead is.

“I’m gonna be a big sister to two babies?!” 

Across the hall, a chuckle reverberates in Ryan’s chest as he turns to lay on his side in bed.

“There it is.”

[schoenpepper]

How about for our early xmas gift, you give us a version where Yuu comes back to twst again🙂

(You broke my heart po💔)

Maybe This Time

Intro: Everything changed after you left. But maybe he still stayed the same.

Warnings: bad grammar, awful writing, not proofread, jade is veryy bad, kinda yandere ish

A/N: Counted as a sequel to this, though you can probably read it as a standalone. Sige na nga anonnie merry xmas happy new year nlng sayo haha. Maybe this tiiiime it'll be lovin' they'll find—*gets shot*

Masterlist

Jade forgets what it's like to live.

The day you left, all color drained from the world he resides in. Rather, your absence pushed him from being an active participant into one that only watches.

Still, it only takes him a day to get back to work.

"You can take a longer break."

He waves off Azul with such a well-practiced smile even he might believe it. "I don't need a break. What is it for, even? There's no use reminiscing over such boring things."

Boring.

Boring boring boring.

The word makes him livid. It makes him seethe with a burning, passionate anger he was unaware was even stored within him. Maybe that's why you left. Maybe Jade failed to excite you. He and his brother are people that stay because of interest, so perhaps the reason you left was because Jade could no longer interest you. Is that it?

Why else?

Why else would you shatter him the first chance that you get?

It takes him one week to forget.

Not you. Sevens know he'll never forget you. You were a whirlwind that crashed through everything he knew and smashed him to smithereens. It takes him a week to forget that he's still hiding his pain.

He forgets he's in pain.

You're a rotting, festering wound that he's buried under layers of pretend. He's such a good actor even Floyd is—

"Stop cryin'."

Well. Maybe not Floyd. Jade raises a hand to his cheek and finds no tears. "You weren't crying. But I made you look, right?" Floyd grins, "Hurry and pack. Maybe nonna can help you get over shrimpy. She's real good at life advice~"

He's sure life advice won't help, but it wouldn't hurt (any more) to try.

The waters of the Coral Sea are frigid. It doesn't numb him enough when he's so used to it, but it's alright. He's fine, anyway. There's no more regret. No more bitter hatred. Only the familiar salt of the ocean water. His parents mean well when they fret over him, asking his twin brother for details. His grandmother is worriedly chattering over his shoulder, and he's made aware that he's unable to fool them this time. He's good at pretending. His family couldn't pick out his faux smiles when he's entangled in mischief, nor could they identify the mock innocence he likes to act out when he gets into fights with other mer. But now, why now? Why are they able to press their hand on that beating, dead thing in his chest and attempt to comfort it when the only thing it wants to do is wallow and wither in nothingness?

They couldn't tell when he was pretending to be good.

But they can tell that he's pretending to be okay.

It doesn't make sense.

It takes one month for everything to fall back in routine. Sleeping potions and pills and spells aid in nights when he's preoccupied with memories of a person he wished never existed at all.

His grades are higher than they'd ever been, and he's so ridiculously productive. It's all on track. Everything is just as it was before you. There was a time in his life before you. He can fill in the empty spot you'd left behind with dirt and the pieces of himself you'd killed that fateful day.

And thus, there will be a time after you.

"Jade," Azul hands him a familiar plush toy, "Floyd told me to give this back to you."

The felt shrimp plushie is mocking him; there is no other explanation. It's one half of a pair, actually. In some dingy arcade in town was a claw machine filled with small mushroom, shrimp, egg, onion, and garlic plushies. The owner called the machine "shrimp fried crane game". You were the one to win one mushroom plushie you kept for yourself, and you gave him the shrimp.

The mushroom was in your suitcase.

In his rampage (he wouldn't call it that, really), he had destroyed everything that reminded him of you that same night, or rather, early morning. He watched polaroids and love letters burn inside a metal dumpster he'd hauled from school grounds. The shrimp wasn't part of the bonfire.

It seems Floyd had snuck it away.

He inspects the toy with his usual smile, tight-lipped and close-eyed, nodding at Azul. He wants it out of his sight for a long, long time. If it could feel as forgotten as he felt, let those feelings be transferred to you. He wishes you pain and agony and guilt and regret.

It takes one year for him to let out a genuine chuckle.

His twin brother stares at him like he'd grown a second head, and Jade is aware it's unusual. Even though the joke he'd laughed at was so inane, the fact of the matter was that he laughed, which in itself is so strange. Perhaps this is a good thing. No, it can only be a good thing. What is it if not a sign that he's healing?

And soon, he won't remember you at all.

And you will cease to exist in his mind.

But it's not meant to happen today.

No, with that little laugh, grief like several tonnes of cement hit him right where it hurts the most; it's heavy, and debilitating, and it makes it nigh impossible for him to even breathe.

(Because you were the air he once consumed, and neither humans nor mer are made for such long term suffocation.)

"I've never seen you laugh before," the young man in front of him smiles with thick, syrupy lovesickness, "it suits you."

The person is an underclassman who'd been following him around recently. Like a poor mockup of your silhouette, he hears the same promises you couldn't keep from the mouth of another. It irks him more than he'd like to admit, because if he does, then it means admitting that he still remembers you. It means he still holds you up in his altar and lights flames in your name.

He does not.

Whoever says otherwise, whether it be Floyd or Azul, or Silver or Riddle; they all lie.

He only remembers you in anger. In bouts of madness that makes him question your existence, it is then that your name leaves his lips.

It takes one decade.

For what?

For forgiveness? For the hate to fade?

On his 27th birthday, his phone rings with a number he's long since engraved in his heart.

Jade forgot how to live in your absence.

In the decade you'd left, he only existed. It is a passive state of consistent routine that allows him to appear normal to his peers. Still, his closest people know he was left incomplete. He became a creature without a sense of purpose, and it was a sad thing. How pitiful it was for a predator to be reduced to a vessel containing shards of a broken heart.

Still, it is your name that he finds. It is your number.

A number from a phone kept in some dark corner of NRC's storage room. It's likely a student who decided to scroll through your contacts and found his contact name amusing. You did have quite the strange penchant for putting strange names in your contact list.

He answers the call in a moment of boredom.

There is nothing interesting to do in a business party.

"Hello? Jade?"

He stops. There is nothing in this world or yours that could erase each and every memory he's ever made with you. The voice is one he's heard often and dreams and even more in nightmares; it has replaced the voice of his dead conscience and pushed him to a meaningless drifting existence instead of finding thrill in things you would despise him for.

It's been a decade and instead of forgetting you, he didn't know when he melded you into his bones and stitched you into the fabric of his soul, but he knows you more than he knows himself.

"I'm back."

There is no more bitter hatred. There is no more regret.

"Can you pick me up?"

In one moment, it all dissipates into nothingness and there is only you.

Jade remembers how to breathe again. He feels that withered thing in his chest beat once more, and he feels alive.

It takes one decade for you to return.

And he didn't know he was waiting for you, but then, what could every second without you have meant if not just an endless eternity of patiently waiting?

"Did you see my message?"

"I did."

"Are you not afraid I'll make good on my promise?"

"I've never been afraid of you."

Yet, perhaps you should be. He may no longer despise you with every fiber of his being, but you'd betrayed him and lost his trust. There will be no more second chances. You will stay unlike before, and if he must break every mirror in the world to ensure his heart remains beating, then it will be all too easy.

Taglist:

@yummyyummyinmytumny @lemon-koii @fsh1

[woofs-silly-ships]

Oh. Oh holy hell

HEAVY WARNING FOR THE HAZBIN LEAKS. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT BE MAD AT ME IF YOU WILLINGLY CLICK ON THIS AND GET SPOILED.

Tw: Mentions of Poison/Angel Dust’s abuse, Aphobia (from Viv and Hazbin, not me. Frick Aphobes or any kind of queerphobe /srs)

This is almost certainly real and that makes me

I think I feel worse than when the Poison leaks happened

And that was bad

Yet I think this might be worse… because at least some survivors do relate to and find comfort in Poison and Angel as a whole. At least people knew he was suffering from and dealing with this abuse. This… people couldn’t have seen this coming.

Alastor and Rosie’s relationship was one of the few actually well written ones in this freaking show. And they just screwed it the hell up

Alastor being owned by/selling his soul to Lilith made so much sense. Of course Lilith would care about his child’s dream, of course she would hide him away in heaven after a (likely) bad fight with Vox, of course if he was in heaven nobody could find him, of course he’d be so fearful of the literal Queen of hell.

If Alastor is owned by Rosie, why the hell would he actually be genuinely comfortable around her as shown in season one? Rosie wouldn’t give a shit about the hotel as well, I’m sorry but like huh??? She has 0 relation to the founders or guests besides Al??? Also there’s no freaking way that Rosie would be able to hide Alastor IN HELL FOR 7 FREAKING YEARS AND AVOID ALL DETECTION. If Vox’s cameras didn’t catch him in a HEAVILY POPULATED TOWN, there’s literally no way some random diner didn’t catch a glimpse of him or something??? And Al is probably on the level below Rosie power wise, there’s no way he wouldn’t have rebelled at some point, even if he lost???

But yeah, I’m beating around the bush here. Elephant in the room time.

The whole song and animation and everything leans WAYYYY too into the aspect of Alastor being Rosie’s pet, and that creeps me out so much. Because it again feels fetishized. Way too reminiscent of pet play and such, which I already don’t like on its own but I’m not getting into that. I wouldn’t even have an issue with it if

1. Rosie was portrayed as an actual big bad and not “secretly silly”, same issue as Val

2. ALASTOR WASNT FREAKING ASEXUAL. AND ROSIE WAS LITERALLY THE ONE TO CONFIRM THAT IN CANON (the “ace in the hole” scene was one of my favorites and now it’s ruined for me. Of course.)

I know k!nky asexuals exist and are completely valid and yall are awesome, and I’d be fine seeing that represented if, you know, ALASTOR WASNT SHOWN TO BE FREAKING SEX REPULSED?? HAVE WE FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE FREAKING

^^^ THIS???

AND GOING BACK TO WHAT I SAID BEFORE: AT LEAST SURVIVORS WHO RELATE TO ANGEL KNEW THAT HE WAS A VICTIM LONG BEFORE THE RELEASE OF POISON AND S1. MANY FELT BETRAYED BY IT AND THATS VERY VERY VALID, BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN FAR WORSE (as in, Addict could’ve never existed, Angel fans including survivors could’ve had no idea of what he was going through before being thrown into the mess that is Poison). THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO FORESHADOWING OF THIS WITH ALASTOR. IVE SEEN SO MANY ASEXUALS LOVE AND RELATE TO AL AND TAKE WHAT LITTLE REPRESENTATION THEY GET IN STRIDE, AND IM SO SCARED TO SEE THEM DEAL WITH THE FETISHIZATION OF THEIR SEXUALITY. THAT WILL HURT ME MORE THAN WHATEVER THE PLOT DOES. IF YOU ARE ASEXUAL AND RELATE TO AL THEN I AM SO FREAKING SORRY FOR YOU, ESPECIALLY IF THIS ENDS UP HURTING YOU AS MUCH AS IT DOES ME /GEN

ALSO, APPARENTLY VIV IS DOUBLJNG DOWN FROM POISON BECAUSE THERE’S SOME CHEERY UPBEAT AH MUSIC BEING SUNG ABOUT ALASTOR BASICALLY BEING CHAINED AND ABUSED FOR THE MAJORITY OF HIS AFTERLIFE AND ALSO BASICALLY BEING SHOVED INTO A PET-PLAY KINK LIKE THING AS AN UNWILLING AND UNCOMFORTABLE (AND ASEXUAL) PARTICIPANT

Urghhh, I’m sorry I just really needed to get that out. Posting this on my selfship blog since it’s more contained and I have 2 Hazbin f/os anyway

Since I’m here anyway, yeah my Hellaverse AU won’t have any of this crap. Alastor will be owned by either Lilith or Roo, whichever one makes more sense when S2 comes out and we see more of Lilith and see if Roo was scrapped or not. Right now he’s owned by Lilith in the AU and his relationship with Rosie is exactly like in S1: genuine and comfortable. I’m sorry but I’m not letting Vic’s awful plot direction here ruin one of the few good relationships in the show.

And I’m sorry if any of this is exaggerated by accident, I’m just, er, very passionate about minorities being disrespected this badly and this is kinda just me dumping my thoughts and rage into writing /gen

On a small but light note, the other clip is actually really cool!! Makes sense for Heaven to have Goitia as well as Hell, and as long as this bird doesn’t turn out Stolas then I’m pretty happy with this :D

[mrfancyfoot]

Today I logged into facebook for the first time in nearly 4 years and went through every profile in my friends list (like ~300) and purged out all the assholes (anyone who openly voted for Trump, other conservatives, and those who I strongly believe did). I've done this before so there weren't many but there are a number that have been wishy-washy with being outward in their bigotry and it helps me keep a mental list of people that deserve only the most very basic level of respect that I can muster because they certainly do not respect me nor people I care about nor many of their fellow human beings. Most disheartening is seeing friends and family who continue to put effort into engaging with people who argue in bad faith and weaponized ignorance.

I dated a man for nearly a year who went to women's and pro-choice rallies and liberal groups with me and said many times that he "was on my side" but turned out to be lying the whole time because he knew I definitely wouldn't date him otherwise. I'd known him for years before since we ran in the same friend circle. I wasn't the only one he had fooled. He slowly lifted the mask until we were constantly arguing because of his bigoted and racist remarks. His favorite thing to do was act oppressed and show me the most obvious Russian propaganda that he would get upset at me for fact-checking and asking for real sources. He wanted to argue, so what he hated most was when I refused to argue with him. Nothing I said was going to change his mind, so I wasn't going to humor or tolerate it (we didn't last long after that point, but by that time, I was afraid of leaving without an excuse that would be "good enough" for him). He legitimately wants civil war so that he can play survival hero and feel validated in his hatred. It didn't come on quickly and a lot of the comments started as "odd" off the cuff things through the time that we dated. He was very much pretending to be a kind person and once really called out, that pretense dropped. He thought I was more like him and that a lot of my regard and kindness for others is "fake." Because that's what a lot of people like that do - they fake being kind for optics, they are not actually kind people, and therefore presume that everyone else is doing the same thing. It's given me major trust issues.

Can't say this enough: these people feel validation in their bigotry when you continue to associate with them. They need to be dropped. They need to learn that their shitty beliefs mean that they get shunned. Make them feel uncomfortable. Quit tiptoeing around and coddling their delicate little feelings because they might get upset. It's okay for them to get upset because someone was mean and told them they don't like them because they think gay and trans people shouldn't exist. I once made a post about how a raped 11 year old child should never be expected to give birth, was told that it was "god's will" and like 5 people piled on the guy so badly he told us to stop being "mean" to him and was terrified to talk to me at work ever again (I have since cut all ties and no longer work with him). I'm personally extremely tired of playing nice for the sake of possibly "converting" someone - especially because you can be polite in telling someone to fuck off with their beliefs. Their beliefs are dangerous, are going to result in people losing their lives, and a frightening number of them are completely okay with that. We need to stop being tolerant of intolerance. It is okay to cut people (including family) from your life when all their presence does is bring you stress and harm.

In a similar vain, don't let the people who chose not to vote (or "protest voted") stick their heads in the sand to escape blame. They are just as culpable as anyone else who directly voted for Trump and other conservatives. They need to grow the fuck up.

For a lot of liberals, it's really uncomfortable to be confrontational and feel like you're being intolerant of someone, but it's way past time to play hardball and call them out instead of coddling them, especially as we're going into the holiday season where many of us will be seeing family with shitty views and targeted family that may need someone to stand up for them. Let them know they're shitty and inappropriate and a disappointment and unworthy of your regard because they certainly lack it for others. Obviously still be safe, but many of us very likely aren't losing anything of value in that scenario. Not having bigoted family members in my life in any way has made me so much happier.

A helpful tip to those who may find themselves in a confrontation: do not stay engaged. Let your views be known and then disengage. Because many of them love to argue and feel like they're defending themselves (many are addicted to those feelings of hatred and overcoming "oppression"), what they don't like is being ignored and feeling like you're rinsing your hands of them. They don't deserve your stress and constant efforts. There are ways to open a dialogue when they are willing to discuss civilly with an open mind, but if they bring intolerance, just shut it down.

(via jhig8bd0cczd1.png (PNG Image, 744 × 810 pixels))

[scuderiahalf]

(almost) one year with you — c.sainz

pairing. carlos sainz x strategist!norris!fem!reader

summary. your boyfriend is usually so intelligent. when he makes one of the stupidest decisions of his life to break up with you, his best friend (and your idiot brother) decides to take matters into his own hands. 4.3k, 18+

warnings. breakups = makeup sex, oral (fem receiving), fingering, reader is kind of a bitch but carlos is into it

masterlist.

.

"I'm going to kick the door open."

"Please, do not do that," Carlos says from behind you.

"You think I can't?"

Smartly, Carlos chooses not to voice any further opinions.

You kick the door, more out of frustration than an actual attempt to break it open.

"I'm going to murder you when I get out of here, Lando!" you shout against the door, not really caring if your idiot brother has hung around to hear the very real threat.

You may not actually kill him (you're still debating it) but you will definitely hit him. At least five times. Maybe more. And he's not getting any of your late-night stress-baked cookies for several months. Asshole.

You kick the door again, harder. The wood bends near the bottom from the impact, rattling in the doorframe but otherwise unmoving. Your groan turns into a yell of frustration, punctuated by you hitting the still closed door with both hands. You seriously cannot believe Lando would do this.

"Are you finished?"

Carlos sounds almost amused.

If he hadn't been literally thrown into the room by not just Lando but Max and Alex as well, you might think he's in on this whole scheme. Instead, you just glare at him, irritated that he's so calm while you're both being held against your will.

"Is being made to be near me that horrible?" Carlos says.

"Oh, fuck off."

"You are acting as if they will not have to let us out eventually."

"How long is that going to take? Huh? I don't want to be locked in here for hours. It's actually FUCKING RIDICULOUS!"

You're shouting at the door again, hoping your dumbass brother and his stupid fucking friends can hear.

They all better be prepared for the consequences. There's no one better at holding a grudge than you.

You never should have trusted Lando when he had insisted you come to Charles Leclerc’s dumb yacht party. He never wants to be seen in public with you much less all but beg you to attend a party with all his friends who are so much cooler than you because he's an F1 driver and all his friends are, too, and you're just a strategist.

(You never thought that being a trackside strategist at Scuderia Ferrari would be preceded by "just" as though it isn't an impressive feat but with a brother like Lando Norris, nothing you do ever really seems to measure up. You're the reason Lando ever got into racing or F1 in the first place. So really, this is your own fault.)

You give up harassing the door (it locks from the inside so there must be something blocking it in the hallway) and start searching the room for another way out. It's a bedroom, and you're choosing to assume that it just happened to be the easiest place to trap you both and not a purposeful nudge to something untoward. Lando isn't that crude. You think.

After this little stunt, you don't think he deserves the benefit of the doubt.

You start checking all the drawers to see if there's anything useful. You don't actually know what you're looking for. Maybe like a fire axe or a hand saw so you can brute force your way out of here.

"We could talk," Carlos proposes.

"And give Lando what he wants? No, thank you."

"You are so proud. Can we not talk this out?"

"What's there to talk out, Carlos? You dumped me, remember?"

That shuts him up.

You refuse to look at him. Even with your back to him as you search through a completely empty dresser, you can feel the look on his face. Full lips pouting, big brown cow eyes all sad and pitiful. You'd fold like a cheap suit if you saw his pretty eyes right now and you're trying really hard to stay strong and hang onto your anger so you won't give in.

There's nothing in any of the dresser drawers. The nightstands are fruitless, too. The wardrobe houses only empty hangers, and not even the cheap wire ones that could be bent into something useful like a weapon to kill yourself with if things get any more tense in this tiny room.

"I regret it," he says.

You close the wardrobe with a heavy breath.

"I regretted it as soon as I said we should end it."

"Cry me a river, Sainz. Build a bridge. Get over it. You don't get to call me ‘nothing but a distraction’ then tell me you regret it and expect me to forgive you just like that—fuck this. I'm going to swim to shore."

You yank the balcony door open and climb up onto one of the chairs so you can get over the railing.

"Y/N!" Carlos curses in Spanish, scrambles after you and gets an arm around you before you can actually step up onto the railing. "What are you doing?!"

"I just said! I'm going to swim to shore. Let me go!"

Carlos picks you up like a purse dog and carries you back into the room. He stands in front of the balcony door after setting you down, blocking your only escape route.

"You cannot swim to shore. We are miles out of sea!"

"If it gets me out of this room, I'd do it!"

"Can you not just talk to me?"

"No!"

"Why?!"

"Because I don't want to!"

"What are you afraid is to happen?"

"I don't have to explain myself. Especially not to you."

So, you don't explain yourself. You walk over to the couch and take a seat, arms and legs crossed, looking anywhere but at Carlos.

You knew what you were getting into when you agreed to that first date with Carlos last year. You know what you were signing up for. You knew all the judgement would be on you if/when you decided to go public. You knew Ferrari would have many things to say about your relationship, and they did, when you told them earlier in the season before it could potentially get ugly with a reveal from unsasvory sources.

You knew all of that and you went for it, anyway, because could you even call yourself a Norris if you didn't go after what you wanted? You knew what being with Carlos would bring but apparently, you were the only one.

After eleven amazing months together, Carlos got cold feet. You don't know how else to describe it. You had told your family after three months; he'd told his after just one. Everyone was happy for you. Your family loves Carlos, and the Sainz clan accepted you with open arms. You were so happy.

But as your relationship pushed a year, Carlos said you needed to talk, called you a distraction, subsequently hazardous for his line of work, and ended things.

Did you call him an emotionally stunted manchild before storming out of the cafe he asked to meet at? If you did, he surely deserved it.

A few weeks after that, you're where you are now, locked in a bedroom on a yacht while a party rages on several floors above. Carlos says he regrets breaking up with you, that he wanted to take back everything he said, but he already said it and that's how things are now.

You'll not be the girl he comes crawling back to whenever it's convenient for him. If going steady is a hazard for work, then an off again-on again situationship is definitely not OSHA-compliant. You refuse to lower yourself to being a doormat that Carlos wipes his feet on whenever he feels he has the time.

After a while of standing guard at the balcony door, Carlos makes a move to sit on the couch with you.

"No," you say.

He halts midstep.

"You can sit on the bed."

Slowly, as though giving you a chance to change your mind, Carlos sulks over to the bed and sits.

He's moving to Williams next year. He has only a handful of races left in rosso corsa. He doesn't know you're sitting on a job offer that could have you following him, a promotion to head strategist at the Oxfordshire team that you can't believe you're actually debating because of your standing with a man.

You've told no one of Williams's proposition. So, you really don't know why you open your mouth to tell Carlos of all people.

"Williams wants me as their head strategist."

He looks up, eyes bright, surprised but excited for you. "What? That is amazing."

"Yeah, I know it is," you say, glaring at him again. "I haven't accepted yet, though."

Carlos is quiet, then carefully says, "Because of me?"

"No," you say because it's just ridiculous for that to be the reason you're holding up contract negotiations, "Yes, because of you. Obviously. I don't want you thinking I'm following you. I'm not. I'm pursuing my career. So, I know that changes you being all regretful. I just want to clarify things before you hear about it from someone else.”

“Why would it change how I feel?”

“Because we’ll still be coworkers next season.”

“That changes it? What does it change?”

Carlos' accent (hot as fuck) and the way he doesn't always say things 100% correct (cute as fuck) are misleading for his actual understanding of the English language. So, you're really not sure what he's getting confused over.

He's leaving. You were supposed to be staying. No longer working together meant no distractions for him until you would meet up at a hotel after a shitty quali and he would fuck the shit out of you. Or something like that.

It'd feel good in the moment but you don't want him for just sex. You don't want casual. You don't want to be a convenient, low-maintenance, not-quite-official girlfriend. You won't do it. No matter how pretty he is.

And his plan to get you back was ruined now that you'd be moving to Williams for next season, anyway.

“I’d not be a distraction if I was staying at Ferrari. Now, we’ll both still be on the same team. Not convenient for you to still be in a toxic work environment, huh? So, you can cut the crap.”

“That has nothing to do with my regret."

"I won't be a casual fuck buddy who you can't stand to be around when it doesn't work for you."

"I never said that!"

He seems genuinely hurt by your implication but you won't fall for it, won't let it deter you.

"It's kind of implied. You know with the whole 'I have to focus on my driving' thing. Like, what the fuck were you doing for the rest of the time we were together? Nothing changed and you suddenly decided it was too much, then you want me back but I ruined that for you. You'll be seeing me next year, too, so don't even bother with the whole regret speech or whatever."

"I—," Carlos starts, then says nothing.

He can't seem to find the words.

"What? Nothing to say? You wanted to talk. Talk."

"If I am in a team with you or not," he says, slow, calculated, "It does not change that I regret what I said."

Carlos takes a second to think before continuing. That's where you two differ.

Carlos has always been incredibly intelligent. You knew he was gorgeous before you had ever met in person but his mind made him appeal even more to you when you first started working trackside last season. Long, intellectual conversations preceded him asking you out after his masterclass in Singapore.

You nearly started foaming at the mouth when he said "it's on purpose" to keeping your brother within DRS to hold off Mercedes. You were ready to jump his bones right then and there in the middle of the team celebration when he asked you to dinner before you flew back to England.

But he was a gentleman. (He didn't fuck you until after your second date, but it was a close thing that first night when you leaned over the center console to kiss him. You'd have ridden him right there in the front seat of that rental car if your idiot brother hadn't chosen then to walk by and make a scene. Kind of a mood killer.)

The two of you both found fascination in the other's way of thinking, Carlos' smooth logic and your chaotic brilliance. He is all thought and few words while you talk and talk until you find your solution.

You always found beauty in the contrast. You balance each other. Simultaneously alike and disimilar. He is someone you saw yourself building a life with. After nearly a year together, those are the kinds of thoughts you start to have about a partner.

"So, you regret it," you gather, "But do you still think I'm a distraction?"

"Of course, you are a distraction. I am in love with you. There is nothing more distracting than that."

You laugh, disbelieving. "You're in love with me but I'm distracting and you can't be with me? Why? Because you love racing more?"

"I was scared. I was stupid. I am stupid. I am."

"Self deprecation won't do you any favors. But, yeah, you are stupid. You're not making any sense."

"I was scared. You were everything I could think of. I thought I could not find a balance between you and racing. But without you, it is even worse. I want you as a distraction. I know that because I have lost you.”

“You haven’t,” you say before your brain even knows what you’re doing. “Not entirely, yet. Maybe… You’re not allowed to do this again. Ever.”

And you’re crying. Of course.

Carlos is at your side in record time, kneeling in front of you, taking immediate advantage of the crack in your defenses. “Never.”

“You can’t do shit like this. You can’t push me aside like I don’t matter. You can’t call me a distraction.”

“You are a distraction. In the best way.”

Unimpressed and wiping your tears, you say, “Wow. You’re such a poet.”

Carlos laughs thickly. “I love you.”

“Ugh, fuck off.”

You’re still wiping at your face. You didn’t cry when Carlos called it quits, refused to let him have any sort of hold over you when he pushed you aside but now, you’re crying. It’s in relief but you still feel your face getting hot from the embarrassment of it.

He knocks your hands aside to cup your cheeks. “You are the love of my life. I will do whatever it takes to fix what I broke.”

“S’not broken. Just bent. Or whatever the saying is. I don’t fucking care—just kiss me.”

Carlos’ “yes, ma’am” is muffled against your lips.

It’s only been three weeks (three and a half but who’s counting) since he last kissed you but it feels like an eternity.

It’s salty from your tears and wet, also from the tears but more from the way you let his tongue into your mouth after probably not enough time has passed. You don’t care. You just want him.

“I love you," you break the kiss to say. "Don't leave me."

"I won't."

"Say it back."

"I love you. I love you I love you I love you."

.

His words jumble between English and Spanish as he kisses down your body.

Your breath catches as he pulls your hips further down the cushion you're sat on. Stupid F1 driver muscles. You want to sink your teeth into his bicep, make him walk around with the bruise, a reminder of who he belongs to.

He slips his fingers into the waistband of your pants, looks up for permission. You lift your hips. You've missed what his big brown eyes look like when they're all dark with want.

He pulls your pants and underwear down and tosses them aside, tugging you even closer to the edge of the couch. Your legs part. He puts your knees on his shoulders then finally pushes his face between your thighs.

You let your head fall back as you sigh, probably sounding ridiculous but he's always been good at this.

He had you ride his face one time. He practically had to beg to get you to agree. There was a lot of him gripping onto you, arms wrapped around your thighs and hips to force you to stay in place. He'd kept you there until you couldn't stay upright or fight against his hold, coaxing multiple orgasms out of you with just his mouth.

Then, he'd fucked you until you came for a fifth time. (You tell a guy one time about how your last partner hadn't the patience to get more than one orgasm out of you, and he makes it his life's mission to get three or more every time you go at it. How terrible for you. Ha.)

He eats you out like a man starving, like he has something to prove. To be fair, he does but he's not going to be entirely back in your good graces just because he's helping you get off for the first time in three and a half weeks. This is just extra credit.

One of his hands finds yours. He tangles your fingers and holds your hand as he involves his free fingers in slipping past your entrance. You open up for him with obscene ease, legs falling apart even further.

He fucks you with a single finger slow, slow, slow while his tongue licks languidly at your clit.

"Carlos," you whine his name.

You don't need all the pleasure you already know he's more than capable of giving you. You just need to get off already.

"I will get you there, hermosa," he promises with a kiss to your inner thigh.

"Get there faster; I don't want my idiot brother thinking better of his insane plan and letting us out while you're nose-deep in my cunt."

Carlos huffs a laugh. You can feel the air against where you're wet. It makes you squirm.

Usually, Carlos would tell you to stay still and be patient but seems to think better of it this time. You would probably still do as he says, circumstance regardless, but he doesn't need to know that. He just presses his lips back to your pussy.

He sucks on the hardened little bundle of nerves at the joint of your labia just how he knows will make you go limp and needy. He pushes a second then a third finger into you, the stretch just that much more than you can manage with your own, smaller digits.

You could've gotten it with the neglected dildo that lives somewhere mostly forgotten in your closet. There was something that felt so final about bringing out the toy you haven't needed since that second date. Thankfully, you still don't need it. You should consider just pitching it, at this point.

You push your hand through Carlos' hair, brushing the ridiculously perfect locks off his forehead so you can watch his stupid, beautiful face as he goes down on you.

"You're so pretty like this, baby," you praise.

His dark eyes flicker up to you, exhaling against your exposed cunt and shifting his knees on the floor.

You're sure if he had a hand free, he'd be palming himself over his pants. He gets off on you getting off and praise goes straight to his dick. You've got this fantasy of making him come completely untouched but you might need to do actual research on that before it becomes a reality.

He sticks his tongue down with his fingers, lapping at your hole and spitting your wetness onto your clit just because it's hot. Like the way he's slobbering over you isn't enough to make the glide of his tongue over your clit smooth and delectable.

"Come on, baby. Don't tease. Not now."

Carlos makes this little displeased noise in the back on his throat.

Quickies aren't really in Carlos' sexual vocabulary. He occasionally likes it as rough and fast as the next dick-haver but he's more of a spread you open and make love to you for hours at a time kind of guy.

He took you to a secluded little cabana in Mallorca for a week during summer break specifically so you two could spend days on end doing nothing but loving on each other. Then, he took you to meet his family and you had to pretend like you hadn't spent the majority of the week prior with their golden child's dick or fingers or tongue inside of you.

Currently, you're just wanting to find relief without Lando or some other F1 driver walking in on you first.

"Carlos, baby—please."

Carlos likes when you play nice. When you're so desperate for it that your bossy exterior goes away. You tell yourself that you exploit this because your unending pride doesn't like the alternative that you really just are that desperate for it.

He finally starts to finger bang you properly. Combine that with the obscene slurping sounds he's making against your clit and the lack of action for nearly a month and no one could really blame you for not taking long to hit your high.

Heat curls and explodes in your gut and up your spine, back arching, lungs gasping, Carlos' name falling from your mouth as your thighs try to close around his head. He gets his elbows up to hold your legs open. His fingers keep fucking you through your orgasm. He pulls his other hand free of your grip to massage your clit with his thumb, kissing your thighs, pubes, stomach.

He captures your lips in a kiss while you're still riding it out. It's intense and leg-shaking after so long without, emotion-driven, which is the best kind but not worth it after knowing what the fear of losing him is like. You can hardly kiss him back, face pulled in pleausre, moans spilling past your lips that Carlos swallows unburdened.

You tuck your face into his shoulder as he drags it out just to the precipice of overstimulation. You tug him into you, arms around his shoulders, fingers tugging the hair at the base of his skull. He lets his fingers rest inside of you, rests that thumb against your clit so he can hold you back with one arm, at least.

You just breathe for a moment, composing yourself where he can't see your face. The worst may be over but the level of trust you'd built over months together would not be so easily reinstated. He'd have to work hard for that, much harder than a sinlge mind-blowing orgasm.

"Don't leave me," you say in a whisper. "You can't, okay?"

"I won't."

"Promise."

"I promise I will not leave you again. I am the most dumb man if I lose you another time. I will deserve it, then."

"Be smart, then. Like I know you have the capacity to be."

Carlos pulls his fingers out. He catches your shiver, still wrapped up in his one arm. He kisses your cheek before finding something to clean his hands with. You've pulled your pants back on when he's finished.

"Likelihood someone heard us?" you prompt.

"Heard you, you mean?"

You kick at him as he comes back over to you. "Watch it."

He tucks you against his side once he's sat. "Scale?"

"One to a hundred."

"90, at least."

You smack his chest. "Dick."

"You are very loud, mi amor. You talk so much, and you make such pretty noises."

"Don't insult me immediately after I've forgiven you."

You've not drawn away from him at all. In fact, you've tucked your feet up on the couch to curl into him fully.

Carlos knows this. He presses a kiss to your temple.

"I love you. I am sorry I am so stupid."

"I guess I've just got to have enough brains and beauty for the both of us."

"You have always."

You hide your smile in his chest. He holds your thigh when you put your legs across his lap. Now you've got him back, you want to be as close as physically possible. Whoever first said they want to be inside their partner's skin really gets it.

.

George Russell ends up getting sent to let you two out. Evidently, your brother fled the scene of the crime once the yacht returned to port in the early hours of the morning. He dumped the chore of opening Pandora's box on an innocnet bystander.

"I am so sorry—"

"Oh, clever," you say when you spot the poor Brit, "He sends an uninvolved party to let me out like I couldn't track him anywhere in the world. I've his trainer's phone number and Jon likes me more than him. I am going to beat his skinny little muppet ass. When I find him—"

You trip over the tangle of chairs that had been used to barricade the bedroom door from the outside.

Carlos catches your elbow.

"Amor, it is late," he says. "Sleep, first, hm?"

You relax into his hold a bit, a silent concession. It'll be easier to murder your little brother after a good night's sleep, anyway.

"So, are you two...?" George trails off.

You cut him a glare.

"Nothing. Never mind. Apologies."

He speeds around the two of you and off the boat.

"The 2019 rookies are all terrified of you."

"Good."

Carlos laughs. "I am excited to see what Alex is like with you next year."

You smile.

Next year, you'll still be working with Carlos. It'll be at a different team, a midfielder at best but at least Carlos will still be on the grid. He'll still find increasingly laughable excuses to be in engineering just to see you. He'll still come home to you, the same that you'll come home to him.

A future with Carlos is still in the cards. He'll be damned if he messes it up again, you know that much.

[reactionimagesdaily]

Reaction images aside, how are you holding up?

Aww, thanks for asking. :P

To be honest, I'm probably doing better than most. I'm a healthy cishet white man who lives in the UK, so I don't have nearly as much to worry about as I know a lot of people do. (Also hey, I'm enjoying the new Dragon Age game, so that's been nice.) But I also know what kind of ramifications this election is bound to have, both inside the US and beyond.

(I mean, the world's biggest democracy is getting overtly more hostile and authoriarian in real time (y'know. again), and I know on this side of the pond we've got some real brain donors who'd love to see something similar happen here. I'm worried about what Trump could do once he's back in charge, and I'm worried about what might happen to my own country, with it's 'special relationship' to the US, as a result. And I'm not alone in that.

All this on a fuckin' Wednesday...)

Anyway, I had a longer thing written out here about the concept of orthopraxis (just while I was trying to get my thoughts in order, lmao) but the core of what I want to say is this:

I think we're about to see an uptick in people being shitty

I'm going to counter that by doing un-shitty things

What do I mean by un-shitty things? Well, I've been meaning to participate in Amnesty International's 'Write For Rights' campaign for months - I just fired off my first email today. I've already donated to causes supporting Gaza in the past, but now I'm also planning to write to my local MP about how annoyed I am that my country is still culpable in genocide. Make my voice heard, you know? I also want to keep making art that people enjoy, because I think that's important. And I'm going to buy another commission from an artist I like, because they could probably use something good in their life right now. And... to be honest, I'm not sure what else I'll do yet. When I figure it out, though, I'll try and actually do it.

Maybe for you, un-shitty things mean something smaller scale. Hugging your loved ones for longer, or giving that loose change you always carry around to the next homeless person you see. That's good too. Maybe it's something larger in scale, and that's awesome! But to anyone who's reading this, I'd definitely recommend doing something that not only feels good, but is also TANGIBLE. Not only does doing feel good, but it means that you're improving someone else's life, in however small a way. Which, y'know. Net positive, innit.

(Yes, I'm aware this is basically the 'when you see someone being so mean it inspires you to be kinder meme', lmao. No, I don't really care.)

You asked me how I'm holding up? Well, the first thing I'd like to do is respond to your question in kind: how are you holding up? In a general sense? In specific ways? Hopes, anxieties, plans?

And the next thing I'm going to do is tell you that I'm more than holding up.

I'm locking in.

[ghostiemothp1mp]

|BREAKING: HAZBIN SEASON 2 LEAKS FLOOD THE INTERNET!|

You heard right folks! There was a breach at A24 and Spindlehorse toons resulting in almost the entirety of season two being leaked onto several platforms but mainly Tik tok. While something similar happened last year when Hell's Greatest Dad got leaked, this time it was to a much greater scale, including several songs, animation clips, and more spoilers than imaginable.

Yes, this is disastrous for Spindlehorse and the entirety of Hazbin Hotel as show. In fact, we're lucky that Hazbin hasn't been dropped from Amazon all together. A lot of times when a breach this big happens, the show just get cancelled, but Amazon has stated that their legal team is trying their best to clean this up and find the perpetrator who did this.

However, the leaks are spreading like wildfire and the amount of views and shares is growing by the minute. The best thing that is fans and viewers can do is NOT SHARE. DO NOT SHARE. DO NOT WATCH IF YOU CAN HELP IT! AND REPORT REPORT REPORT! If you come across spoilers of ANY kind—for example, footage, song clips, fanart—REPORT IT IMMEDIATELY AND GET IT TAKEN DOWN.

Now, you might say, "but spoilers aren't a big deal! I wanna know what happens!" Believe me, we are all excited for the next season, but we need to find out what happens the RIGHT way. I will not be sharing exactly what was leaked because I do not want to feed the fire, but the leaks released kind of ruin the show cuz a) they don't make sense cuz they are just random bits and pieces and b) it makes it a lot harder for Spindlehorse to even keep the show and fandom going. We are extremely lucky that Amazon is even keeping the show, please PLEASE help Spindlehorse keep it that way!

According to Spindlehorse, they believe that the person who leaked the footage was actually someone either on their team or on A24, in other words, this was an inside job. Whoever did this had full intention of sabotaging the success of this show from within, either to serve their own nefarious purposes or someone else's. Currently we don't have any more information on it, but hopefully Amazon's legal team can find the culprit and punish them accordingly.

Okay, so, some footage got leaked. What's the big deal? Well, I didn't go that in depth as to the real effects of the leak earlier, but I will do so now. First of all, it's one of the biggest breaches a show has seen in a WHILE. Including hundreds of shots, MULTIPLE musical numbers, and character reveals that were not planned drops. What does this mean exactly? Well for starters, we probably won't be seeing any more con teasers or sneak peeks. Remember the Baxter teaser? Yeah, that probably won't be happening again. Second of all, I have already seen the fandom start to slowly fall apart on Tik Tok, hundreds of videos talking about how angry they are, not just about the show being spoiled in the first place, but the content of the spoilers themselves. People are already saying how furious they are about the twists and turns the show is taking, without even considering the fact that these leaks don't even contain the full context. Third of all, as the leaks spread and fanart and edits and cosplays of the spoilers flood the internet, the likelihood of Hazbin growing in popularity and hype with the release of season two grows slim. Nobody will be super excited about the "big reveals" next season because they've already been spoiled. Yes, this is pretty disastrous, not just to Hazbin as a cartoon, but to the fandom as well.

That is why we must take action! We must aid Spindlehorse and Amazon in the clean up by not sharing the spoilers. We must aid them by not creating fanart or edits or reaction vids or cosplays of spoilers either. We must aid them by reporting these videos and getting them taken down. We can save Hazbin, but we have to work together.

If anyone sees this post, please share. Please help stop this madness and keep things that should be secret, secret.

[cat-stuck-in-a-tree]

Thank you @penguinsfly for the delightfully (albeit painfully) on-point discussion.

I'm gonna jump in here to elaborate on the 'but it does affect aromantic and asexual people keep it in mind' part of this because I'm seeing some understandable confusion on just how/why that's a thing.

Most of the time, fandom gets to be happily seperate from the rest of life. And that's great--its part of why people like it. You write what you want, how you want. If someone disagrees or dislike it, the rule is they can leave. Don't like? Don't read, don't interact, use the filters. I think we all get this, and get that most of the time its the best and most respectful course of action for everyone.

But here's the thing.

This rule works the vast majority of the time because most fanworks do not run the risk of negetively affecting real people's welbeing in the real world.

Why?

Most fanworks are based on characters who, while unique and very cool in their own ways, are very demographically bland. So you get to start with a relatively blank, not-likely-to-upset-anyone-if-changed charater and then the fandom gets to have at and make things more different in whatever ways they so choose. By their own consensus.

So fanworks usually give diversity instead of taking it. Giving more diversity isn't somethig that hurts people. And the base characters are so overrepresented and similar that its essentially impossible to take their diversity enough to cause harm.

Under these conditions, the 'don't like don't interact' rule works.

Still with me? Now buckle up.

There are --very rarely-- times where what you choose to create in fanfiction can hurt real people, outside of fanfiction. This happens when fanfication takes more diverse charaters and erases the traits that make them more diverse in an instance where those traits are real traits that belong to real people. (Read: you can safely un-werewolf as many characters as you want. But erasing cannon things like ethnic identity, disabilities, or minority sexualities not nearly as innocent as creating them).

Remember-- the fact that a traits is rare and not usually seen in any cannon means that the people with that trait are experiencing real world eraser and being told on a culturally significant level that their traits are undesirable and would, ideally, not exist.

Ergo, if you for whatever reason take a character representing the traits of a real miority and chose to get rid of those traits, from the perspective of that minoriy, you are doing the same thing and telling them they are unwanted and should not exist.

Again: Changing the traits of culturally accepted characters is fine. But you can't change the traits of a cultually erased character or any rare minority to be more mainstream (including mainstream in fanwork), without your actions telling real people experiancing oppression that you would prefer they didn't exist, either.

Okay, but why do my actions have to impact them? Especially when they still have the cannon charater?

Okay, look. You exist and the things you put out into the world exist.

If someone who has lived with significant parts of who they are being completely ignored and isolated from representation for most or likely all of their life hears that there is a character like them who they might actually be able to relate to, they are going to take whatever courage they have to risk being terribly dissapointed, and they will go find that character. And because there will not be anywhere near enough mainstream representation, no matter how good those few seconds are (literal seconds, usually) they will go looking for fanworks as their next step. If not the first because lets be honest, fan rep is usually way better than mainstream.

The hope, of course, is that the majority of the fandom will recognize and accepted the charater's culturally outcasted traits, and take it as an important part of their core characterazation. Just like it is to real people with those traits.

But here's the thing--what if they didn't. What if instead you come the the fandom and find that that trait--a core trait of that charater's being and your existance, identiy, and experiance of the world-- is being intentionally shunned and erased by almost everyone.

There's no way that's not going to hurt. And there's no way that's not going to impact your experience of your identity as a person and as they fit into the world. In this instance, fanworks being fanworks doesn't protect from harm. It actually makes it worse becuse its real people as a collective are choosing to erase you and not a big corrperation trying to make money.

If you have a character who you want to make fanwork of, and they have a trait that real people are oppressed for, or is in any way underrepresented, stop and consider how you would feel if you were someone with that trait, who came across a work that had erased it. Then consider why you want to erase it in the first place.

This is what's upseting aroace and sex-repulsed people about fan portrails of Alaster. Not because of people making or not making any specific work, but because of the collective message those works sends to the people who identify with cannon Alastor's sexuality.

Case in point: I went to check out AO3 because aroace sex-repulsed rep. And unholy mother of toadstools.

Look, the evidence isn't subtle that Alaster is much more likely to be a sex-repulsed asexual than any other identity. Anyone on the hell no side of intrinsic willingness to have sex can recognize that discomfort. And yeah, some people are going to want to explore other kinds of being ace, not being ace or aro, etc. But 'some' and 'literally the vast majority' are different things. Further, two thirds of the people aware of sex-repulsed asexuals people activily choosing not to accept that identity, even when--again-- it fits best at this point-- that's not a great message to send to the people about their sexuality. Or, y'know. Existance in the world.

Even in the asexual community, being aroace, asexual, or sex-repulsed (alone or all together) are extremely isolating and underrepresented experiences, and its incredibly difficult to find any representation (Alaster is the only one I know that seems to get it right even given how little its refrenced). Surfice to say its a bit disturbing to look up the closest description you have of your sexuality and find that its largly being erased. Not surprising. But. Out of 22,519 works only 4,790 tag Alaster as asexual (which is great ace rep, but not great considering over 3/4ths of the content ignore it (or at least didn't tag).

But here's the really troubling part: For a character who is most likely sex-repulsed (and is cannon ace, likly aro, and absolutely not shown in any way to want sex), just under 300 works, total acknoledge that. Out of over 20,000. Add aroace and get rid of clearly explicit content and...84 works total on AO3. (aroace without being sex-repulsed is also 84)

Total works:

Works tagged Asexual:

Works tagged Sex-repulsed and Aroace

I'm under the impression that very, very few people are at the far 'black' end of the ace spectrum, are sex-repulsed by nature, or are those things and aromantic. Even within the ace community, it can feel isolating and far outside the norm. And frankly, 84 works is still pretty exciting considering the usual zero.

I'm not saying we should have more works or less works. It seems much better to be greatful for what we have.

And at the same time, it does illustrate the point that's worth reflecting on.

Additionally...here's the bigger, much more disturbing example:

That's a pretty blunt 'we'd rather you not exist'. Especially counting the numbers. Also, weirdly specific. Why so much interest in denounceing a lable for an identity thats...almost never acknoledged or represented in the first place. Roughly 2,000 versus 200. And over half of that 200 is not of the sort of work sex-repulsed aces typically enjoy reading so. There's that, too.

This leads to another part of this that's got aro and ace feathers ruffled: Bad Ace rep. (Aro and not). The good news i there's also a decent amount of great ace rep! Bad news is the vast majority…isn't.

Listen, er all know there's a lot of ways to do ace rep because there's a lot of ways to be on the ace spectrum, and a good few to be asexual as well. But a component of being anything ace, is that sex et al. can be happily done without most to all of the time. Plus being asexual is a wildly different experience than being allo because of all the ways sexual stuff is tied into cultures and gender and other identiy stuff. Its really not the same experince as being allo, give or take sex. So if the point of the plot is and tags is primaritly 'how to get the ace charater to do sex while still saying they're ace' consider just not. At least that way folks can filter properly.

Especially for sex-repulsed people, ignoring or erasing a sex-repulsed charater's signs of discomfort around sex because you want to make things sexual and think its harmless...tends not to go over well. It runs too close to real life.

Look, I'm aware that if there's a term to unite fandom its probably incoragable --and that that's genrally something to be proud of-- and I think we all understand that people will be people and will keep up creating wildly not-in-character charaters--but l hope this helps more people understand the reasons discussions about Alastor's portrale in fandom keeps being brought up by extreemly ruffled aroaces, and that there are, perhapse, reasons its not always great to erase a queer minority character's representation in favor of turning them the fandom version of straight.

Hope this helps

I unfortunately saw something I didn't want to see and that was my last straw. I'm fucking doing this.

Let's establish this first. Alastor is stated in the show to be asexual that is not up to discussion. He is also very heavily implied in the same conversation to be aromatic. 'An Ace in the hole' being used in context of him being with Charlie is also implying his aromanticism.

VIDEO

If that's not enough then here is Viv speaking about his romantic orientation. It's pretty clear despite the fact that afterwards she said it's okay to headcanon whatever (it's not but I will get o that later) that he is written purely as an aro ace character.

On top of that going by Alastor's interaction with Angel from the pilot and the first episode it is clear that he is sex repulsed. Not only that but on the fandom website he is stated to be touch averse with two sources which you can check out on the website.

Hazbin hotel wiki, Alastor page

Now we established that Alastor is canonically Asexual, Aromantic, Sex Repulsed and Touch Averse

As I also am all of the above I'll try to explain everything to the best of my ability as simply as I can.

Aromanticism and Asexuality.

I'm probably targeting the audience that knows those terms but regardless I will explain it anyway.

Aromantic - people that experience little to no romantic attraction towards any gender

Asexual - people that experience little to no sexual attraction towards any gender.

Little to no

Asexuality and aromanticism are spectrums in which people can feel certain attractions towards people but those attractions are less occurring or are defined by personal connection.

Diagram from AVEN website

However some people are at the end of the spectrum, they never felt attraction and that's valid. Alastor was stated to be aroace he wasn't written as demi or as gray he was written as aroace as in the end of the spectrum. His repulsion and not giving shit about romance or sex speaks for itself.

Representation

I do understand that everyone wants to be represented but it's so important to understand that aroace people are one of the most underrepresented queer groups in the media.

And I'm not here to scream about how I want my fav character to be just like me I don't care for it I'm way too confident in my orientation to rely on that however I'm tired of explaining to people what asexuality and aromanticism is just to receive 'are you sure' or 'you'll change your mind' or 'its not real' or the community favourite 'you'll find the right person' no I won't I'm not looking thank you very much (I just smile and nod to be polite and I'm sick of it).

'Harmless' buts like: 'He might be on the spectrum', 'AroAce people can still feel attraction' hurt the final outcome for all the people on the spectrum not only strictly aroaces because it allows people to write one shots with 'Demi Alastor' that falls in love in 2000 words because he is 'demi' (spoiler alert: they don't understand what that label means). It's just a cover, an opening, sneaky way to disregard his orientation, feel good about themselves and move on. Newsflash there is no moving on for aroace people it's our life.

Shipping

Shipping is just harmless fun right? Usually yes but not in this case. In the same way its not okay to ship gay characters with genders they are not attracted to.

It's erasure and since there is much less people identifying on aro/ace spectrums then there is gay or bi people our voices are being silenced. Not to mention that gay people received support from entire LGBTQIA+ community over the years in contrast to aro/ace specs who to this day are told that we are 'not queer enough' or 'not oppressed enough' often by other queer people.

And finally... FINALLY we get cannon Aro/Ace character that is clearly not interested in romance and sex. Character that beats stereotypes of boring and timid aro/ace people and what's the first people do? They ship him. Alastor's storyline provides so many points to be explored like 'what is his backstory', ' what's about his deal', ' how does he fit in in the found family trope' , 'does he care about hotel guests' yet people choose to write about the only thing that he is not interested in. As a heavily repulsed person that used to be horrified about the fact that I'll have to fall in love with somebody at some point before I found out what aro/ace is I find it repulsive and trust me he would too.

But Viv said it's okay!

Its the same point once again. What if Viv said that it's okay to ship gay Angel with woman. She doesn't have authority to say shit like that.

Queerplatonic relationships

I can't tell you not to do it I don't think he would be necessary interested in it but for fuck sake do your research and try to understand what queerplatonic means before you use it as a cover to shamelessly ship him. Respect the fact that he is sex repulsed and touch averse and you're fine.

Why can't you just avoid it?

First of all I shouldn't have to. Alastor's orientation should be respected in the fandom like any other orientation is. Second of all I've tried. I tried to only look up AroAce Alastor tag I've blocked over 80 people on tumblr alone (I just counted) to avoid to see anything that could trigger me and I'm not talking about slightly shippy posts or fanarts I'm talking about full blown disregard towards his orientation. Guess what it didn't work!

Archive of our own where do I start. I've used this website for over a decade and I could probably count days I didn't go there on my fingers. I'm fluent in AO3 I know which tags I should block. I know how to skim thorough the summary and tags to see if I'm interested. I've seen shit I'm a shipper I've been on ao3 for ten years but never had to mentally prepare myself to face queerphobia as I click on the tab.

Just use aro/ace Alastor tag.

I do and let me tell you people can't tag for shit or they just pretend to be clueless at this point. Besides see this?

there is more ff with Alastor/reader (disgusting) than there is Alastor with his canon orientation and to play the devils advocate for arophobic people there is more Angel/Alastor then his stated in the show sexuality. I understand that fandom goes back before the show was aired but Viv confirmed his orientation back then too.

Summary

I could go on and on bout different issues and maybe I will in the future but I'm not wasting anymore of this weekend on it. I'm ready to answer any questions as long as they are respectful.

I'm aware that he is a fictional character, it doesn't affect him in any way whatsoever but it does affect aromantic and asexual people keep it in mind.

If there are any mistakes grammar related I'm not sorry I'm fluent in English (not my first language) but I took 3h nap in between and I'm sleep deprived.

Have a nice day.

[rekino2114]

How would the ddlc ladies react to their partner telling motioning them over, only to be kissed on the forehead and called a good girl?

The ddlc girls' reaction to being kissed and praised

M/n:thanks for requesting someth-

A/n:Monika....what are you doing in my author's note?

M/n:it's been ages since you wrote something about me, I just wanted to thank the anon for requesting

A/n:they didn't request you specifically you know?

M/n:I'm sure they did that to not make the other girls feel bad, I'm definitely their favorite

A/n:just get out this is already too long

M/n:No way, not only do you not write anything about me for so long, but you also forbid me from breaking the fourth wall? That's literally my thing

A/n:Fine, I guess you can stay here when I write ddlc stuff if the readers are fine with it

M/n:hehe, good boy

A/n:...........

M/n:what? It fit with the post

Monika

It's me ˆᵕˆ

What did I tell you?

Is confused at first but just giggles and accepts it

She quickly kisses you back, on the lips this time, and you just start making out passionately

She also praises you back for how well you kissed her

"Hm? What is it darling?"

Before Monika could say anything else, you kiss her on the forehead

"Good girl"

She stands there for a second before a teasing smile appears on her face, and she giggles

"Oh, I see. Well, since I'm such a good girl"

She hugs you closer to her and whispers in your ear seductively

"Then you be good too and give me a real kiss"

She kisses you passionately as you two fall on the bed and wrap your arms around each other while making out

Yuri

Yuri.exe stopped working.......genuinely you might have broken her

She was already blushing when you kissed her, and she went the reddest you had ever seen her when you praised her

When her brain fully processed what you just said and did, she just fainted from emotion

"Is something wrong y/n?"

Yuri blushed as you got close, and her cheeks got even hotter when she felt your lips on her forehead

"Good girl"

Her brain short circuited when she heard you say that, she mumbled an incoherent string of words struggling to come up with a response

"E-eh....w-ha d-did you- just......w-what w-why-"

When she finished, she fell on the bed with an even redder face

"A-are you ok yuri?"

Sayori

She blushes for a bit before thanking you and kissing you on the cheek as thanks

Meanwhile, in her mind, she's processing all that:it actually felt really good when you called her good girl, you helped her discover she might have a thing for being praised

After this, she'll try to do more stuff for you in hopes that she'll get praised for it. It's really adorable

"What's up babe?"

"Oh, nothing, just wanted to do this"

You kissed sayori's forehead and she blushed but still kept her beaming smile

"Good girl"

"E-eh?"

"Oh, sorry do you not like that?"

"N-no......actually I kinda liked it.....a lot"

Sayori started playing with her fingers and blushing more, you giggled and pat her head

"You're such a good girl, you know that?"

"T-thanks"

Natsuki

She kinda ignored you when you first motioned her over, but eventually went where you were

She blushed so much when you kissed her, and when you praised her, she might have considered slapping you

She'll try to act mad at you for giving her unprompted affection, but she easily caved when you hugged her and started to cuddle (she's just a grumpy cat fr)

"*sighs* what is it?"

"Finally!"

"If it was something important, you could have used your words"

"Well, you still came so"

You pressed your lips on her forehead and watched as her face became as pink as her hair

"I guess you're still a good girl"

"W-what did you just call me you idiot?"

"Good girl, is there a problem with that?"

"Y-yeah there is, don't call me like that again dummy"

"I dunno, I think you liked it~"

"S-SHUT UP!"

[eisforeidolon]

Question: I have two questions, one for Jensen, and one for both of you.

Jared: Okay. So no Jared question? That's fine.

Jensen: Nope.

Question: First for Jensen, I need to know the story behind this picture, please? [both walk over to look, Jensen mutters something like 'Oh, God']

Jensen: I honestly don't know the story behind that picture. I don't know A) what I'm doing, I'm like sitting in a cast chair and I'm just like pulling my shirt up [mimes the pose]. And I don't -

Jared: If you got it, flaunt it.

Jensen: I don't. Uh, I don't know, I don't know what I would have - I don't even know who took that photo. Or how it got out, but - or why. This is - um.

Jared: I think, I think, here's why -

Jensen: I might have been getting mic'd?

Jared: Yeah, probably.

Jensen: Cause they, when they wire us, when they put the microphones on us, they tape it [tapping center of his chest] to your chest - I mean, there's a few ways they can do it, sometimes they'll wire the jacket, sometimes they'll put it, if you're wearing a tie, they'll put it in the knot of the tie. If you've got a sharp eye, sometimes you can see 'em. But most of the time they'll just tape it to your chest and then the wire kind of goes [gestures down his chest and around to his back] around [points downward] sometimes it goes to an ankle pack, sometimes it clips onto the back of your belt. Anyway. I was probably just going like, [gestures as if pulling up his shirt] okay, wire me. And the person who wires has to put up with that kind of - the shenanigans that we do when we're like [does the fake laugh thing, and shakes back and forth].

Jared: Also, in fairness, I think that was like season one or two? And so twenty years ago, we didn't realize, we were slow, we were not the generation where everything you do lasts forever? And so it's like [fake laugh, pops hip, makes fart noise] Ahh, I'm farting, and it exists twenty fucking years later, so. Naivety on both of our parts, I think.

Jensen: So I don't know if that answers your question, but that's the best I can come up with, so. What was the other question that he might help with anyway?

Question: Both of you, do you feel any pressure from the fans to show that you're still close friends? When you search on Google 'Jensen and Jared' there is the first question that pops there is 'Are they still friends?'. And whatever happens between you two, people just watching, waiting, like are you still close or not -

Jared: So I think, so -

Question: You have this pressure to show that you're still close -

Jensen: It's exhausting.

Jared: [grabs his shoulder] Wow.

Jensen: I'm so glad you brought this up. [turns to Jared] I am, I am exhausted pretending to be your friend -

Jared: That's actually my, that's actually my question that I put into the Google search. I'm like -

Jensen: [cracks up] I haven't heard from him in weeks!

Jared: I haven't heard from Jensen in two days [mimics typing] are they still friends? Does he still like me, circle yes or no? [Jensen cracks up more] I don't feel - I'll speak for myself - I don't feel any pressure to [finger quotes] prove that I'm friends with Jensen or my br- or anybody, you know what I mean? Like, life - we have lives, and we live in different states and, like, if I see him every day for a month, great! If I don't see him for seven months, great! Like if he's good or needs something, or I need something - but yeah, I do find that question funny. And I think it's also, I think it's like, from, was it French Mistake, or? It was like, episode, yeah I did see something online where they're like, 'oh, they're talking'. It's French Mistake.

Jensen: Oh! Yeah yeah yeah.

Jared: And then it became a thing, where they were like -

Jensen: Oh, is that real? Do [they?] not like each other? Yeah.

Jared: We also fucking - I have an alpaca! [Jensen cracks up again] Like, no one hinged on that, like does Jared really have a picture of himself in Warhol style and his wife and a tanning bed and an alpaca at his house? Like no, I don't.

Jensen: You're not far off, though. [laughs]

Jared: Close, close. Got one out of four.

Jensen: Yeah, no. I think there's also - [points at Jared] you kind of touched on it a little bit. You know, I think anybody who can just see us together whether we're onstage or whether we're back stage? Can tell that there's a, you know, legit love for each other. And always will be. Whether - like he said - whether we see each other every day for six weeks or whether we go six weeks without seeing each other. Or without even, like, checking in. Which, we usually text back and forth and stuff, just, you know, about hey, what d'you think - what're you doing with this, or hey I need to ask you a question -

Jared: We have a Wordle text thread.

Jensen: [they talk over each other here, so this next is approximate] Yeah, we Wordle each other every day. Um, so, that would be pretty, again, pretty exhausting to keep that [finger quotes] facade up, if it was a facade and it's not.

[screams-in-writing]

When I hammer out another long one shot to an ask with a prompt:

I wrote this is in 1st pov, because I unabashedly enjoying writing Mr. Puzzles in this pov.

-

This was a disaster in the making.

I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to have you visit my home with me.

It only allowed let you to get close to Smg4 and his crew of miscreants!

You were even having fun with them!

Which I wanted you to, yes, and I loved the way you looked while having fun but…you were having fun without me!

Me!

I knew it was an eventuality that you’d meet Smg4 and the others in person, but I wasn’t prepared for all the dark thoughts and a tightening in my chest as I hung back and watched from a distance.

Jealousy?

Perhaps.

But wasn’t I allowed to feel that, when my only actual friend, someone who’d become more to me in such little time, was taken away from me, practically the instant you and I came to my home world?

Wasn’t I allowed to feel sucker-punched over the way you so quickly got along with so many of Smg4’s friends?

It didn’t seem fair.

Then again, you’d never caused them any psychological or physical harm, so of course Smg4 and everyone else didn’t seem to mind your presence.

But they certainly minded mine, if the mistrustful stares and accusing glares were anything to go by.

Because of this, I kept myself on the sidelines and just watched as you interacted as easily as I couldn’t after all I’d done with my past actions.

Apologies would only get me so far, and I doubted that Smg4 and many of his friends would be interested in forgiving me of my actions any time soon, if at all.

I was under no illusion that, were I to do anything that might be seen as aggressive, I’d be seen out of the showgrounds in an unflattering and likely embarrassing manner, no matter what you might say in my defense.

But I knew better now.

I knew that much of my previous interactions weren’t acceptable, while I was in your world, and was able to reflect on my actions and what I wanted to do going forward.

Here, I was very well aware that I had my work cut out for me.

When you went into the castle, I couldn’t help but want to follow, but remained outside.

I’d gotten the very clear message that I was I only being tolerated in the showgrounds for your sake. Though there was clearly distrust in that many didn’t believe I could ever have a real friend, let alone have an actual relationship.

Let them believe what they would.

I was more interested in your opinion than Smg4 or the others.

But therein lie one of my concerns.

What if your opinion of me changed if you spent too much time in the castle, talking to everyone else but me?

Despite me confessing to what I’d done, both behind the scenes as well as directly, I still held the low-burning fear that you might decide that the trauma that lingered with Smg4 and his friends might not be something you were willing to let slide after all, so long as I made an effort to make up for it, and apologize in my own time.

The longer I stood in front of the castle, the more I began to fidget nervously.

Would you stand up for me if I were to enter the castle uninvited?

I began to pace, the fidgeting and mumbling growing louder as static began to grow and layer over my voice when I spoke audible words.

Soon, I could simply no longer bear to wait out here for your return, so it was with a determined straightening of my posture, and squared shoulders, that I walked confidently to the front doors of the castle, and let myself in.

When I wasn’t immediately punched in my face, my confidence grew that I would be able to mask my presence, and be able to locate you.

Just to make sure you were all right, of course. 

One could never be too certain with that pesky plumber about.

Much to my pleasant surprise, it was so easy to find you, as you just so happened to exit one of the rooms.

By yourself.

A happy bounce entered my steps as I approached you, face flashing to a cheery technicolor smile and excited digital eyes. 

Oh, I couldn’t believe just how much I missed you just these past few hours. 

I was even happier when you smiled at me in return, even raising a hand to give me a little wave. I closed the distance between us, eagerly hoping that this meant that I could now spend time with you.

“Finally decided to come into the castle?” You asked, a slight reading tone to your voice.

“I don’t believe I’m exactly welcome here.” I replied with a soft sigh, reaching out to take the hand you offered to me. I pet the back of your hand with my fingers pensively.

“I do think that Smg4 is wary around you, but I can’t really say for sure about everyone else.” You move closer to give me a half hug with the arm that wasn’t having its hand gripped firmly.  “I haven’t exactly gotten to spend time with them before, apart from asking them about their…past interactions with you. So I’m just starting to get a feeling about who they actually are.”

I listened to you.

I really attempted to listen to you when you began to detail the things you’d noted in the past few hours, but all I could think was that I was slowly losing my time with you.

I needed to do something. 

I wanted you to pay attention to me.

I didn’t want to share you with the others if that meant that I would be spending less time with you, and therefore have attention from you. 

It was petty, childish, to think such things. 

You weren’t a toy to be stolen, and I knew that I had to respect that you wouldn’t spend all of your free time with me, as much as I loved having your undivided attention.

But I just couldn’t help myself. 

I needed some way to reassure myself that I wasn’t somehow losing you when you visited my home world going forward.

When you took a breath to continue on, and I saw that no one was in the area, I was quick to make my move. 

Using the hand around yours, I tugged you closer to my body, and in the same motion, hoisted you up and into my arms to lean into my chest. I chuckled when you ended up wrapping your arms around my neck with a gasp of surprise. 

Perfect.

And now, for somewhere to have a quick little heart to heart, before I ‘bottled’ things up and let the negativity in my mind get to me.

The closet.

Not the best place for a serious conversation, but it was a convenient place to lavish you my own undivided attention. 

“Mr. Puzzles, where are you-“ 

I hugged you closer to me, my television head crackling with static but unable to respond as I swiftly walked over to the door, and let myself into the closet. 

And locked it, the cramped dark room only lit by my screen, as I sat you down on a small desk in the corner of the closet.

I found myself unable to speak when you looked up at me, clearly exasperated with what I had just done, yet interested in what I had planned.

Leaning in closer, I braced my hands on either side of you, and rested my upper screen to your forehead as I just looked at you, my expression surely softening as you looked at me in return, with a bit of a squint from the light. 

Toning it down so you could look at me properly, my hands slid to press into either side of your hips. I pinioned you legs between mine as I boxed you in, curiously tilting my head to see if this was all right.

My answer was hands rising to either side of my metal head, and you turning your head to leave a lingering kiss to my screen.

Eagerly, I returned the kiss with a gentle spark of fuzz from my screen. 

When your arms went around the back of my wired neck, I growled low in my throat, the area of the spine still there with vocals, as well as my speakers. I hunched over you and slowly moved my screen to lay a series of kisses from your lips to either of your cheeks, and then slowly down the side of your neck. Just to tease you, I gathered enough static and concentration to layer the fuzz of my screen enough to make it feel like I ‘licked’ a stripe along the side of your throat.

“What’s wrong?” You asked me, a little breathlessly, as your fingers lightly dig into my wires. 

“Nothing.” I said a little too quickly.

“Puzzles.” You sighed into another quick kiss, before you let go of my neck to push me away enough to stare at my face. “You don’t usually do these unprompted make-out sessions unless something is wrong.” A pause. “You also wouldn’t normally want to do this unless there was no way someone would come to interrupt us.”

“They won’t.” I said. 

“We are in a castle that’s full of people. One of them is bound to notice I’m not back yet, and someone is likely to realize that you’re not outside anymore.” You pointed out, dropping your hands to press down into my one to prevent them from shifting to your thighs. “Please tell me?”

“I-“ Looking away, my shoulders slumping, I look back to you, with an admission. “I don’t want them to take all of your time away from me.”

“I’m not replacing you with them or anything, Puzzles.” You said after a moment, expression showing that you realized what exactly I feared without me even knowing that was what it was, in the end.

Being replaced.

Moving on.

Leaving me behind 

Alone.

I didn’t want to be alone.

“You won’t be alone.” You said, voice softening. 

I hadn’t meant to say that aloud. I didn’t like to admit that an old fear of mine was coloring my interactions with others, even after so many years had passed. 

“We can spend time together alone when you come to my home again. We could even hang out later today, here.” You tell me. “It would be kind of rude of me to be invited to hang out with smg4 and everyone but then not do that for at least a little while longer.” You sounded so reasonable.

And yet. 

And yet-

“I think several hours seemed to be enough time with them all.” I said immediately, desperately attempting to keep the bitterness out of my voice. I wasn’t jealous. I was jealous. “Why can’t you spent time with me right now? We’re already out of sight.”

“You’re doing it again, Puzzles.” You said in a firm tone, implying that I ought to pay very close attention to your words. 

I already was, because you were with me.

“The possessiveness over me and my time with you can’t go out of control like before. Remember? I can’t spent all of my free time with you every single day. We both need space for ourselves, and we need to be able to meet up and hang out with other people. Please don’t make me have to make those boundaries clear again by having us have to spend time apart for us both to cool off.”

I’m so torn.

“I know that.”

I don’t want to give up the extra time I had to spend in your company and yet-

“I know it is wrong of me to want to take up more of your time. To want to have all of your attention on me, and me alone.”

I was afraid. 

“I just don’t want to lose you.”

Afraid to be left behind.

“I…must admit that I do find it difficult to accept you interacting with my former adversaries, even if I was at fault for making them adversaries to me with…with my own actions. My plans.”

To be alone.

“I can’t…I can’t let that happen.” I found it harder to form words as I dissolved into the start of a panic. That perhaps I was overreacting to you hanging with Smg4 and his friends.

“Mr. Puzzles.” You cut in before the doubt could fully sink in. “Take a moment to breathe.”

I let out a hitch of an unsteady laugh.

“I know that you don’t actually need to breathe like I do but please take a moment and take some slow breaths?” You asked while I continued to let out unsteady breaths and little hitches of not so sane laughter. “I know you’re having trouble right now, so take some slow breaths, for me?”

That helped draw my attention back, enough that I freed one of my hands to rest on your thigh, while my other cupped one of your cheeks to trace my fingertips lightly along. 

A breath.

Another. 

I leaned my head to the side so that o could rest it lightly on your shoulder to do as you asked. 

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Slow.

Breathe. 

I ‘closed’ my eyes, focusing on slowing my breathing down to acceptable levels while I felt you begin to curiously pet me along the back of my shoulders. 

I let out a final noise of frustration, but breathed it out soon after while my breaths leveled out with facsimile huffs of breath in and out.

Once my breathing finally went back to normal, if one could call it that with someone who didn’t actually need that breath, I finally began to calm down.

Slowly, I lifted my metal head up, and leaned back so that I could gaze down at you. At the same time, you lifted one hand to rest over mine cradling the side of your face. I issued out a rather interested hum when your other hand moved to lightly grasp the fabric of vest and shirt just beneath my bow tie to give it a little yank as you met my digital eyes.

“Oh? What’s this?” I instantly gained a leer as I made as if I were biting my ‘lips’ with technicolor teeth, fixing you with a hooded look. “I thought you said that you ought to be handing out with those losers in the other room?”

“You’ve calmed down.” You pointed out while tugging the fabric again. “Do you feel a little more steady now?”

I gave it the thought it deserved from the concerned furrow in your brow. Then, I gave my metal head a tiny jerk of agreement. “Better, yes.” I issued out a moment later.

“Good.” 

You surprised me when you moved your hand from mine over your cheek, using it and the one fisted in my clothing to yank me closer to the desk. 

I leaned further in without further prompting as you planted a kiss that was much more heated than the one before. A kiss that lingered on my screen as I froze up briefly in surprise. 

“You can enjoy about five minutes of my presence before I go back and join the others” You said when you took a breath.

I couldn’t help it when my expression shifted to an unhinged one before it quickly flickered to heart eyes with a heart rate monitor. 

And a flush my technicolor grin widened and curved up in a stupidly happy manner.

Then, your words sank in and I shifted ever closer to you, as I uttered in a low tone that ended on a slight growl. “Oh, my dear, five minutes in a dark closet all alone with me, and I’ll be able to convince you to not leave me for the other’s company.”

Most unfortunately, I was unable to follow through with my promise. 

As it turned out, my luck had run out when it came to a certain Italian ruining my plans. 

The door to the closet bust open despite being locked. 

“Hello?” Mario peered inside curiously. “What’s-a going on here?”

I froze, as did you.

Even Mario went silent as he presumably took in the scene he’d walked in on.

Me, bracketing you in against a wall of the closet.

You, sitting on the desk in front of me.

I was currently leaned over you, crowding in to press into you, one hand lightly gripping your thigh while my other carefully cradled you behind your head, so you didn’t hit the wall and hurt yourself. 

Right before Mario had so rudely kicked the door in, I’d been eagerly  kissing you in return as best I could with little lingering static zaps. 

But the moment I processed Mario was there, interrupting me?

My metal head snapped to the side in a distressing angle on my wire neck. I fixed the plumber with an expression of upmost loathing that went ignored, much to my mounting exasperation.

“Ooooo.” Mario let out, as his face shifted from confusion to one of sly amusement. A smile beneath that damned mustache of his began to grow bigger by the moment. “Somebody’s-a being hands-on.”

I wondered, at times, just how stupid Mario truly was, or if he was acting like an idiot to not disrupt the status quo. In this very moment, I didn’t particularly care to pursue the thought, because I was much more concerned and irritated by the interruption than the comment.

Mario’s smile became a smirk as he suddenly lifted a phone, and, before I could move, or you could even say anything, the flash of the camera flared brightly in the dark closet, backlit by the light of the castle behind Mario himself. Humming his theme song, Mario pocketed his phone nonchalantly, as if he hadn’t just taken a rather compromising photo of you and myself in a closet together. 

A photo…

I abruptly let go of you as Mario’s actions quickly sank in. I lunged for Mario without a word; just a furious expression and a warning static growl of wordless fury for Mario daring to intrude on alone time with you.

Unfortunately, so caught up in catching the culprit, I failed to notice you flail your arms and wince as you dropped backward into the wall.

Mario was wise enough to keep well out my grasping range. I continued to laser focus on attempting to catch the shorter man anyway. But because of this, I again failed to notice the way you emerged from the closet with a flushed face and the way you made a beeline right for me. 

I didn’t notice, until you finished sneaking up behind me and then yanked me backward by where my suspender straps met at the middle of my back. Futilely, I attempted to twist my head to one side then the other as you proceeded to walk, forcing me to follow or risk falling over and being dragged along the floor. My dignity wouldn’t allow that, so follow you I did.

“Bye-bye.” Mario said unnecessarily, waving. 

I was torn about easily slipping out of your hold to go continue to pursue that irritating Italian. But I relented and just matched your steps with my own, at least until I realized with a jolt that you had come to a halt outside of the room you’d emerged from earlier. 

“I don’t. I.  This likely isn’t the.” I stood in place, resisting your tugs for a moment as I attempted to explain why me in a room with Smh4 and all his friends want a good idea. But I couldn’t bring myself to tell you no when you opened the door, let go of my suspenders, and grasped one of my hands tightly instead. 

You might have given my shaking hand a reassuring squeeze.

But I was much too caught up over the reception I may receive. 

Keeping my gaze, and in turn my screen, on the floor meant that I didn’t have to focus on Smg4 and his crew’s initial reaction to me entering the room.

I kept quiet as you led me over to the couch and, remaining mute in the face of your expression between disappointment and pleading, sat down. I was pleasantly surprised when you end up on my lap, but not so happy that you won’t allow me to wrap my arms around you to hold you closer. Restlessly, I  grasped the couch cushion on either side of my legs, because as much as I’d like to hold you, I’d rather you stay near me instead. 

It appeared that this was done on purpose, as if this were your way of letting Smg4 and the others in the room know that you did want me around. 

That was how I chose to interpret it as. 

Mario reentered the room, going over to where Smg4 and 3 are, as well as Meggy and Tari, who were competing on some game. Mario glanced to you and I, then, in a loud whisper and a mischievous grin and in a loud whisper. “TV man is-a whipped, yes?”

“Yeah.” Smg4 agreed, without even having to look. “That tracks, with no one getting sucked into another Puzzlevision show lately.” 

“‘course he is.” Smg3 concurred. “It’s obvious.”

I twitched as if to get up to correct them, only for you to suddenly flop back into me. I was completely sidetracked as you comfortably rested yourself against my chest and shoulder, and even dragged one of my arms up to grasp my hand with one of yours. I gripped couch cushion harder with my other hand when you began to lightly pet me with your free head along the side of his metal head, lingering on the vent area.

“Totally whipped.”

“Yup.”

“Mmhm.”

A light scritch under my head’s casing had me  sagging forward into your touch, a soft sound into the touch. My digital eyes closed so that I could pretend, for a short time, that it was only you in this room with me.

I could handle the jabs at me, so long as you kept lightly tracing the outside of my metal tv head so gently.

And while I’d honestly rather just be all alone with you, this day turned out to not be as bad as I expected it to be, especially when no one demanded I get out, and I got to spend time with you, even in questionable company.

[msbunnat]

(Before I say anything this isn’t meant to be hate this is just my thoughts)

I think the reasoning on why people are thinking you are romanticizing Ganymede and Zeus’s story is because you’re making it look like instead of making Ganymede scared of Zeus, it looks like Ganymede is proud to have been kidnapped by Zeus and that he wears a badge of being SA by Zeus. For example, in one of your drawings you said how Ganymede would react to one of Zeus's kids wanting to fight him to where Ganymede said that he had sex with their father, Zeus, making it sound like he was proud and not that affected by Zeus’s actions.

(Again, this is not hate; I'm just explaining what might have caused people to think you're romanticizing Zeus's and Ganymede's relationship.)

No worries, I actually sometimes dont understand when someone is being hateful, so I would read it as just normal.

SO! Again, dosent matter how Ganymede is portrayed, people will think it shouldnt even exist any discussion of him (like, there was an artist that literaly make Zeus as a vile abuser of Ganymede and Hebe was consoling him - EVEN THIS SITUATION THAT SHOW EXPLICIT HOW BROKEN GANYMEDE WAS, PEOPLE HAVE COMPLAINED AS ROMANTIZATION ;w;). So just dont try to look for a reason, there are a lot and none depending sole on who is interpreting my drawings.

This specifc drawing you mentioned, I did way after this recent wave of hate and was just a joke. This case dosent have so much meaning behind the joke, but like, you can have your interpretation as him coping, or he feel for Zeus, or he just want to mess with other gods as he is the only 'mortal' and use Zeus as a shield so he can just be lying... LET YOUR IMAGINATION FLY.

Look... my very firsts drawings and tiktok of Ganimedes was him mad... He literaly mad cry... Even before any nsfw I have done or more nuansed art... and yet people also thougth as romantization... So really, dosent matter what I do, to some people just because of my style or because Zeus is hot its equal to be ok with anything he does (as if abusers cant be attractive... its good those people never meet someone like this, but still makes me worry about them). Ah! There re two expections: some eagle interactions re sweet because its before any harm; and Ganimedes smiling one time on a tiktok video (I though people would be intriged and make questions, but nope, they stick to Ganimedes liking being abused I guess - welp the fetish exists, but I know they mean as me saying 'abuse is ok because he liked it').

I dont know where people think that just because Ganimedes its not suffering in every single second means he is ok to all harm and struggle he will pass... I want to make him suffer as an OC, but like, let him have happy moments... and this also means happy moments with Zeus... and all of this dont erase any bad things... this binary way to see stories its just so not my thing -w-

Oh! and its not because you have intimacy with someone you also love them (like, rage f*cking is a thing and I want to explore it, maybe outside the comic, idk yet u.u). I also have some cannibalism drawings Gani x Zeus, cause imagine eating a god!! So exciting!

OK now for real, I will not answer anymore romantization discustion for some time. I'm tired of this, I will do my things and hope people have patience before stating something that its still in progress. Aske me about it in two months maybe...

[kabie-whump]

I'm having crazy writer's block so I randomly decided to continue this little series.

~~~

"It's been three days."

Whumpee doesn't even lift their head from their book. They're almost all the way through it. Unsurprising, considering it was the only source of entertainment Whumper has provided in their little cell.

"Has it now?" Whumpee hums, turning the page.

"Yes."

Whumper waits. Whumpee continues on reading.

What the fuck is wrong with them?

Whumpee jumps as Whumper strides forward and yanks the book from their lap, snapping it shut. "My page-!"

"You can have it back when you answer my questions."

A glare. "I already told you, I'm not doing that."

Whumper scoffs. "And I already told you, I'm prepared to hurt you. I gave you three days to think about it. Now that's over. So talk."

"If I could just finish that chapter-"

"Talk!"

Whumpee flinches. Actually flinches. The first sign of real fear they've shown since being locked up in Whumper's hideout.

"No," they say softly. "I won't. I'm sorry."

Whumper doesn't respond this time. They just grab Whumpee by the arm and drag them out of the cell. Whumpee digs in their heels and shouts protests but Whumper just marches them down the hall into a small, sterile smelling room.

In the center is a padded chair. Whumper shoves Whumpee onto it and straps them down. They fight the whole time, but thankfully they're still weak from the wound in their side and it isn't too difficult for Whumper to immobilize them.

Whumper then moves behind Whumpee, carefully looking over the shelves and drawers full of tools. "So," they ask conversationally, "have you ever been tortured before?"

Whumpee snorts. "What's it to you?"

"Well, your answer might help me decide on a method. If this is your first time then certain methods may be overkill for you. I'd hate to break you. If you're experienced, on the other hand..." Whumper pulls on a pair of blue gloves, the snap of latex making Whumpee flinch. "I could do just about anything to you."

Nothing from Whumpee. Whumper glances back over their shoulder, finding Whumpee's wide eyes fixed on the ceiling. They reach over to flick on the surgical lamp that hangs over Whumpee's chair, making them squeeze their eyes shut with a disgruntled noise.

"So, I'll ask again." Whumper leans over their victim, a disarming smile on their face. "Have you ever been tortured, Whumpee?"

Whumpee clenches their fists, avoiding Whumper's probing gaze. "No. I haven't."

"Hm, good. This'll be fun."

~~~

Tags: @unicornbeck @the-art-of-trepetnoi @altvaggie @whumped-by-glitter @blood-enthusiast

[britcision]

Hey by the way Dungeon Meshi gang, I have noticed that we seem to be pretty heavily stuck in “people hit like instead of reblog” gang so I just wanna throw this out there

Hitting “like” on Tumblr is basically a nod across a crowded room to OP. It doesn’t share it, doesn’t increase reach, nobody is gonna see it from your likes

If you wanna actually boost a post and encourage OP to make more of the same, you gotta hit reblog, maybe go a little feral in the tags, maybe just hit the same tags the post had before

Cuz again: nothing happens when you hit “Like” except the heart turns red and it adds it to a list on your profile

(You cannot meaningfully search this list)

Now this has absolutely nothing to do with anything I post, because this is about fan artists! Because we have some goddamn INCREDIBLE artists blessing us every single day in this fandom

And every time I see and share some of this goddamn majestic pieces and see “3 reblogs 1500 likes” it makes my heart sad, both because the majestic art deserves so much more acclaim and also less of us will get to see and enjoy said art

This is a goddamn tragedy

Imagine if you just… never saw that absolutely bangin’ Laios-dragon with his tiddies out because you just… weren’t following the artist because you didn’t even know they did Dungeon Meshi art, or weren’t browsing the tags right when it was posted

And listen, I want you to feel encouraged to interact with every post you even vaguely feel like tagging with a key smash! Even if you don’t tag at all and just silently hit the reblog button!

But seriously guys you gotta reblog all the fanart and go full feral in the tags if you don’t want to go in the comments or hype it in a full post, because while I am a full proponent of “you gotta create for yourself”

We

We want them to share their creations, right? We want to see them on our tumblr?

So we gotta give them that good good dopamine on the tumblr

Cuz lemme tell you I’m sure as shit not gonna stop or even slow being feral and unhinged in the tags and text posts and shit posting, but I might not bother posting fic here first and just toss it on AO3 if only 3 people are gonna see it here

(I’m also not gonna stop or slow writing unhinged fic or sharing it all on AO3 it’s just… not gonna get posted here separately?

Cuz yeah for real hype your own stuff, reshare and gas yourself up and all that and keep tossing it out there for shits and giggles, but it does take extra time energy and effort for me to double post and I am a Lazy Bitch and perpetually busy on a new unhinged project

There’s no real number I’d look for, it’s more the near complete lack of reblogs even when something gets liked, it’s the ratio that’d tell me it’s worth it to y’all for me to put the work in)

And also if enough people reblog a post you get to see the super cool viral explosion of all of the reblog chains and where people saw it and they’re awesome

Go find a well noted post and check it out

[sonicjustbecause]

Shadow generation. Impression (from the videos).

Only about the story.

Actually I didn't play the game, I just watched the cutscenes. Maybe I will buy the game someday.

First - the non spoiler thing:

Shadow's story has few aim: being fun and having a compelling character to control. Nothing complicated. So, although nothing special, it is pleasant, simple and relaxing. Also for once Shadow is not tied on certain Sonic rules that don't allow for more than few actions. Is a character that can open several scenarios. Speed and agility might be the mandatory characteristics but he can potentially do many things Sonic can't.

Shadow himself is better than what he used to be the last decade. Is not perfect (but I'm a fan of Maekawa's Shadow as I stated more than once in previous posts), but finally is relatable again. Seeing emphasis on the Doom Powers in the preview, I excepted him being a super edgelord, even worse than the one in IDW comics and without flaws, instead we see him being vulnerable, suffering the side effects of not taking care of his well being and a interesting side about his personality that can teach one thing or two to Sonic.

The spoiler (characters):

Maria, how much we waited to know her.

We hear about her since 2001, we saw pictures of her over and over but we never knew who she was. She was this gostly, mysterious figure in Sonic adventure 2 (I was wondering: "How comes this innocent looking good girl wish for total destruction? Something is not right!"). For long people assumed she was pretty much a strong person, but we never knew for sure.

She is a young teenager. The way she thinks shows that she's not exactly a child. But she's still extremely spontaneous because she has no real life friends around telling her she must act like an adult. So she still jump when excited and has lots of childish characteristics normally at her age and maturity she would have outgrow.

Her only two friends on ARK are one literal child, and an alien/hedgehog with no social skills. They would not pressure her into acting proper because they know nothing.

Idealized? Maybe. But we are seeing the story through Shadow's eyes. That's the point.

Also, finally she doesn't look anymore like a vintage italian doll. First time I saw her I wondered who was the one who though at that, uh, not so great design.

Gerard

Hints from Sonic Adventure 2 suggested that Gerard and Shadow are very similar. But Gerard has on his side the wisdom that comes from age. Also, unlike Shadow, his way longer life experience has been varied, with both good and bad moments, shaping a more mature and less emotional personality.

We never knew what was the relationship between Shadow and Gerard. For now we learned the bads, Gerard getting mad and turning Shadow into a weapon, condemning him to a miserable life.

But, both the Maria and Gerard we see in SxS gen are from before the raid, so we see the fatherly side of Gerard. Surely when he created Shadow, he didn't consider him a living being. But then he learned to love him. He's rightfully his son after all, even if an artificial being.

I'm glad Gerard and Maria aren't Black Doom illusions who serve him but they're the real ones, and they truly help Shadow though this adventure. Clearly they understand what is going on, and even that in the future they will not be on Shadow's side. So they decided to help him as much as they can to make him taking the right decision.

Shadow

Now, I think I have a lot to say about Shadow, he is both the protagonist and the main character.

He showed us sides of his personality that were either hidden and/or forgotten for a long time. Knowing his story he gave me the impression he was just forced to grow against his will.

Maekawa's Shadow used to be balanced, surely stubborn/laser focused, very quiet but also mischievous, good hearted and capable to take care of his well being. But after Sonic 06 his personality was changed into a cold, selfish mean edgelord without remeding qualities, that was on the good side just because of his whims. That was what made him into a joke among fans and a hero only among (few) kids aged 15 and below.

But now we seems we are starting from the basis. Peraphs Shadow will one day be similar to what he used to be. His personality will not change overnight, that would be jarring, it will be gradual. I hope he will act more rationally and balanced from now and in the future.

The side effect of his lack of self care.

They started from his superhuman laser focus and his stubborness, traits that were especially underlined after Sonic 06:

What if this slowly takes a tool on his mind? From dark beginnings, we see that Shadow is at his limits. His focus start to fade, he gets distracted easily by both his own tiredness and outside distractions. Dangerously on breaking point since he can get on the verge of panic attacks. And he is very harsh toward himself. Not just 'focus' but also 'what are you doing? Stop daydreaming'. Seems the hard hearted father toward his son. The only reason he doesn't get slapped for not being a good boy is because he can't slap himself.

Family.

Though he is nowadays known to be a loner... I wasn't and I am not so sure about this trait. Introverted for sure but I remember him always surrounded by friends (still in smaller groups than Sonic) in Maekawa's stories. Rouge and Omega in Heroes and 06, Knuckles, Amy and Blaze in Black Knight. In Adventure 2 he was alone, but he was a good team worker.

He feels more like lonely. In SxS Gen he was so happy to have found his family again and so hopeful to have a second chance that he seemed quite in good mood with everybody. Rouge, Gerard and Maria were very kind toward him, but they also did want him being real, to prepare him to the outcome. A real family (Maria and Gerard) and a real friend (Rouge).

Now, that's might be my interpretation, but Shadow seemed to wanting to show his progresses to his family, maybe to hear their approvations. And he searched their advices, listening carefully, being a good boy for people that are way kinder toward him than himself.

And now the thing Sonic needs to learn from Shadow (perhaps also Shadow from himself). Shadow is capable to be open and sincere toward his family more than how Sonic is toward those that consider his family (Tails). Maybe Shadow is afraid to open up toward Rouge because of this, SxS Gen, Sonic Adventures, Heroes, 06 and Sonic Battle showed that contrary to popular beliefs, Shadow is quite bad at hiding his emotions. He might not cry but is behaviour pattern changes noticeably. And he doesn't seems that annoyed when Rouge lend him her voice when he is unable to speak.

Normal and upset.

Mmmh is OK, I was just a bit tired, you know, running around...

Shadow is surprising again.

Well when you see a face like this:

What do you think the outcome would be?

The first surprise was discovering he was way more chill than what his face suggest. It is always a welcome feeling when a character surprises you in one or more ways. I'm always on the edge when I see Shadow approaching somebody or being approached in the game. And then, he just acts normally.

Though this is logical and excepted, no, this is not Shadow.

Compassion was the thing that saved him originally. And then this trait was removed. Now he is compassionate again.

David Humphrey on what he was told about Shadow when he worked to SA2. You can see the interview with him and Scott Dreier on YT.

It should be underlined that Shadow doesn't know yet who the girl is.

Better to avoid to compare with IDW or Sonic Team Racing, when he doesn't save Rouge and Tails and when he even steal popcorn from a chao.

Doom Powers

They are helpful in game, but what I focus on is how Shadow is always in pain, maybe even afraid everytime he gets a new power. The 'NO!' plead was in Italian too. Another thing is the colour distortion when he gets seemily possessed by Black Doom.

In another videogame I used to play (Saints Row 3 and 4) the same colour distortion was there when the character was high.

So I associate that efect with altered consciousness.

Shadow's body language and expressions...

I did noticed he was very expressive in the trailer. But so he was the whole game. He communicates/emotes through both his face and his body. With the player and with the NPCs around. If his personality keeps improving and he will be back to the Shadow we all loved, and maybe they will keep that friendly attitude toward the player, baybe making a Shadow games not every year, but occasinally when they have a good story, he will be super fun to play.