#actually i think harry should cover rock and roll robot

[thetriangletattoo]

.

[billiejs]

Three times the boys are blown away by pop culture and new technologies (and one time when Julie can’t resist the 90s)

Julie and the Phantoms, Julie/Luke, the timelines are not super accurate but bear with me, 1.9k 

ALEX is obsessed with the Harry Potter books 

Luke checks his phone again for the seventh time in the past ten minutes, his guitar hanging from his shoulders. 

“DUDE!” He shouts out, eyebrows furrowed. “Are you gonna join us or what? We were supposed to start rehearsing half an hour ago!” 

Alex’s head peeks from the loft: he’s laying on the pavement beside the sofa, and his eyes are barely visible from behind a battered copy of a book. 

Julie sighs. Luke looks ready to blow Alex off, but she’s pretty sure it’ll make no difference. 

“I’m sorry! I’m nearly finished with this chapter, I swear!” Alex turns a page, eyes glued to the book. 

“You said that three chapters ago!” Luke’s eyes bulge out and he turns to Julie, pointing frantically upwards. “Is he serious? Are you serious?” 

Julie opens her mouth, but she’s not sure of what to say. Alex has been like that for the past three days. 

“Hey guys,” Reggie strides in, an open bag of Doritos in one hand and an aura of complete calm around him. Julie hadn’t even noticed he’d left. “Here Luke, you look nervous. Have some of these.” 

Luke looks at Julie, then at Reggie, then he shoves his hand in the bag of chips and starts munching angrily on a handful of Doritos. 

“Hey, ‘lex!” Reggie happily calls out. “Want some Doritos?” 

“Not now, I’m reading!” 

“IT SHOULD BE, NOT NOW I’M PLAYING!” 

“Luke, calm down.” Julie pleads, “He’s about to finish the book anyway.”

“Whatcha reading, Alex?” Reggie calls out to the loft. 

“It’s those damn Harry Potter things.” Luke seethes. “It’s like he can’t stop reading, he’s obsessed! Am I the only one who remembers we have a gig in four days?”

Reggie nods sympathetically at Luke. 

“Yeah man. But that’s a really cool story, I watched the films with Carlos last week,” Reggie mimics a brain explosion. “I was mind blown. Hey Alex, which one are you reading?” 

“Half-Blood Prince.” Alex replies, “And I’m almost done so…” 

“Ohhh that’s a good one. Did you already get to the part where Dumbledore dies?” 

A stunned silence falls over the studio. 

“Oh, boy.” Julie covers her face with her hands. A heavy rumble of footsteps announces Alex’s descent from the loft: his hair is sticking in weird directions and his eyes are bloodshot. He looks at Reggie like he’s ready to murder him. 

“Dumbledore what now?” Alex hisses, stepping forward.

“Dies. Snape kills him. Were you there yet?” 

Alex points his drumstick at Reggie’s face like it’s a magic wand. 

“NO, I WAS NOT!” Alex shouts. “HOW COULD YOU, REGGIE?” 

Before either Julie or Luke can do anything to stop him, Alex throws himself at Reggie and they both roll around the floor, trying to get on top of each other. Julie slips an arm around Luke’s waist to give him a comforting squeeze.

“We’re not going to get anything done today if we let them do this.” She reminds him. Reggie is currently smacking Alex with a throw pillow and Luke observes attentively. 

“Just a little more. Alex deserved it.” 

LUKE adores School of Rock

“Your boyfriend,” Alex comes into the kitchen with his hands on his hips and glares at Julie, “Is a hypocrite.” 

Julie, on her tiptoes to reach a jar of strawberry jam on the top shelf, just stares back.

“Be a little less specific, will you?” 

“Come see for yourself.” Alex grabs her by the hand and pulls her all the way to the studio, where Luke is currently busy playing a guitar solo kneeling on the floor, hair drenched in sweat.

“NO YOU’RE NOT HARDCORE,” he shouts, “UNLESS YOU LIVE HARDCORE!” 

“Ah,” Julie stands back and enjoys the show. “Luke, have you been watching School of Rock again?” 

“No,” Luke lies, smiling like Julie’s just brought the sun back after a dark winter. “Maybe?”

Julie purses her lips, smiling. She gets why Luke identifies so much with that movie. Jack Black’s love for rock music and the whole ‘stick it to the Man’ talk are all Luke is about. 

“You got mad at me for wanting to read Harry Potter instead of playing…” Alex accuses. 

“But I am playing.” Luke protests, his fingers sliding on his guitar to play a riff that Julie’s pretty sure he’s stealing from Hendrix. 

“Not our music!” Alex protests. “And before you even think about suggesting it, no, we’re not going to dress up in school uniforms for our next gig.” 

“You would rock a skirt, though.” Reggie points out.

“I would,” Alex flips his hair out, “And knee socks too. But can we please get to practicing now?” 

“It’s just, such a good story,” Luke tells Julie in a dreamy tone later that evening, while he’s splayed out in the garden squinting at the sky. There’s way too much light pollution to see any stars though. “I mean, the guy has a dream, and not only he manages to stay true to himself despite everyone going against him, he also inspires younger kids to do the same!” 

“Yeah, I know,” Julie laughs, petting Luke’s head in her lap. “You see yourself in him.” 

“I do,” Luke grins. “But I’m much better looking.” 

Julie lightly pulls at the hair on the back of his neck. 

“And people think Reggie is the vain one…”

Luke laughs, nestling more comfortably against her touch. Ever since they’ve become human again, he can’t seem to get enough. 

“You know what I was thinking…” he begins, tentatively. 

“No.” 

“You didn’t even let me speak.” 

“I already know what you’re going to say.” 

Luke sits up, making puppy eyes at her. 

“Come on, Jules! It would be epic!” 

Julie sighs, taking Luke’s hands in hers and looking him straight into his eyes. 

“No, Luke. You’re not stage diving at our next gig.” 

REGGIE can’t get enough of Siri

“Guys, I think something is wrong with Reggie.” Julie announces nervously, twisting her hands as she walks into the living room. Alex and Luke are sprawled in front of the Tv and don’t look half as worried as she thinks they should. 

“And you’re only noticing this now?” Alex arches his eyebrows, unbothered. 

“I’m serious, guys! Come see!” 

Julie guides them upstairs to the room that’s become Reggie’s, and they all peek from the semi-closed door.

“Hey, Siri,” they hear Reggie say, “Does anyone ever ask you, like, how are you?” 

“I’m fine, thank you. Helping you makes me happy.” 

“That’s very nice, thanks Siri.” Reggie sighs happily, kicking his feet up on his bed. “You never judge me, even when I asked you what a wi-fey was.”

“I don’t know what a wi-fey is. Were you looking for Wi-Fi?”

“I was!” Reggie slaps himself in the forehead. “You get me so well. Here, play our song Stand Tall, it’s one of my favorites.”

“Now playing: Stand Tall, by Julie and the Phantoms on Spotify.”

Outside in the corridor, Julie gestures frantically towards the room. 

“See what I mean?” She whispers, “That can’t possibly be okay.” 

“Think he feels a little lonely?” Alex scratches the back of his head. 

“I mean, he’s basically using Siri as a therapist so…” 

“I think you’re overreacting,” Luke shrugs. “He’s always liked robots. Siri is basically a talking computer, Reggie digs that stuff. 

Another happy sigh from Reggie as the song ends has them all listening intently. 

“So, this is one of the new songs. Sometimes I think to the fact that I actually died and lost my whole family and it’s a bit much, you know what I mean? I would like to find my parents, I think.” 

“Here are all the results I found for ‘parents’”

“Wait, you can do that?” Reggie sits up on his bed, his mouth hanging open. “I thought you could only call the pizza guys!” 

“Calling: pizza guy.” 

“Siri, you’re a blessing!” Reggie is enraptured. “I was feeling sad and you call pizza! It’s like you can read my mind!” 

“He shouldn’t be talking to Siri when he feels sad,” Julie hisses. Alex has sort of caught onto her concerns, but Luke merely giggles.

“I bet he’s going to call the milkshake place next.” 

“Siri,” Reggie says as soon as he’s placed his pizza order, “Can we call Gordon’s Milkshack next? I have a craving for a chocolate banana shake.” 

“Called it!”

(Bonus: JULIE discovers the Spice Girls)

Luke knows that one of Julie’s favorite parts of hanging out with them is introducing new technologies and pop culture wonders for the Millennials and Gen Z experience; she does this thing where she tilts her head to the right while she watches them discover something new and has a cute little smile Luke can’t get tired of seeing. 

He’s tried to do the same for her, but it seems that she already knows everything about the early 90’s. 

Except one day, he’s walking into the studio a little earlier than usual and finds it occupied by a Julie like he’s never seen her before, flailing her arms around and shaking her hips to the beat of a sugary pop song he knows all too well. 

“If you wanna be my lover…” 

Luke slaps a hand on his mouth and hides behind the door, watching Julie belt out Scary’s rap verse in perfect time. When the song ends, he comes out of his hiding spot with a cheek-splitting grin. 

“That was amazing!” 

“Luke!” Julie’s cheeks are blazing, but Luke can’t tell if it’s embarrassment or rage. Probably both. 

“Before you say anything,” Luke holds up his hands, “I was here for only a minute, but you rocked every single second of it.”

“Yeah, I like the Spice Girls, okay?” Julie nervously twists her hair into a ponytail and refuses to look him in the eyes. “I was going through a playlist and it came up, it’s good fun!” 

“Hey, no judgment!” Luke laughs, cupping her heated cheek in his hand and pulling her forward or a quick kiss. “You’re almost seventeen now, basically an adult. You can listen to whatever you want.” 

Julie smiles against his lips and kisses him again, humming the melody of Wannabe as he does. 

“Good thing your friends love me,” Luke laughs. 

“We have the same friends, I’m not sure it counts.”

Reggie and Alex choose that very moment to barge in, as if they’d been summoned. 

“Practice time!” Reggie announces, pinching Luke’s waist and sneaking out of reach immediately. “No more love-birding here.” 

Alex reaches Julie’s laptop that’s still plugged into the sound system.

“Oh, let’s see what your love tunes are…”

“NO!” Julie’s horrified shout comes too late, because Alex is already doubled over laughing. 

Luke leaves her to shout about privacy while Say you’ll be there blasts over the speakers.

“I’ll be right back guys.” He says, stepping out of the studio. He’s got an idea and there’s no time to waste. 

Luke fishes his phone from his pocket and scans through his contact list. Reggie’s right: these touch screen thingies are pretty cool after all. 

“What do you want?” A shrill, annoyed voice comes up from the other end of the line. 

“Hello to you too, Carrie,”  Luke smiles through the phone.

“Is Julie sick? Did she find out about the surprise party? Is this why you’re calling?” Carrie’s tone sounds accusatory, and Luke just knows that there is no way he’ll ever be able to get along with her. She is the spawn of his traitor ex bandmate after all. 

“No, but that’s why I’m calling you.” He explains, “How would Dirty Candy like to become Julie’s favorite performance of the party?” 

There’s a pause. 

“I’m listening.” 

Luke grins. He’s about to win the best-boyfriend-in-the-universe award. 

“I hope you’re ready to Spice it up, Carrie.” 

_______________________________________________ Thank you for reading! I know the Spice Girls are late 90s so the boys wouldn’t really know them, but bear with me.  Feel free to drop a prompt in my askbox if you’d like! More minifics (x)

[meet-me-in-the-kitchen]

Imagine: Gotta Get Better

in which she struggles with the loss of their baby, and he tries to keep the nightmares at bay.

TW: mentions of miscarriage and infertility

*

It had been a quiet, cooler Thursday night in July when Y/N had awoken at 3 AM to slick thighs wettened by splotches of liquefied deep maroon blood, and an unfamiliar cracking, pained sensation in her cramping lower abdomen. The same night, Harry had been shaken awake frantically, waking to the love of his life sobbing, the face she’d made still etched in his mind traumatically— shocked, remorseful, hateful, scared.

“Harry,” she had cried, struggling to breathe as his own eyes widened as he swallowed harshly in order to get control of himself. His wild eyes had flickered down to her stained thighs and he’d shut them before meeting hers. “Harry, our baby.”

Their baby. The mass of cells they’d spent enough time thinking of for it to somehow become more than that. Their baby; a magician concoction stirred with the main incredible ingredient which was their love, trust, and devotion all mixed in a heady mixture set to be finished in just five more months. Their baby. Pronounced deficit of any potential for life at 3:12 A.M., after Harry had carried the love of his life to their car and driven to the hospital as quickly as possible.

“Our baby,” she’d sobbed, voice growing hoarse as she curled into herself on the isolating, cool E.R. bed. “Our baby.”

The months following had felt like years. Harry hovering Y/N’s every move, and Y/N denying to let any emotion escape the bottle she had sealed inside of herself, besides for icy glares, and blank looks when Harry had gently suggested maybe she wasn’t doing so good. That he wanted her better for herself. That he loved her, and maybe she should go see a therapist.

“I’m fine,” she’d snapped, rolling over on the bed and moving away from him, shutting her eyes closed, with the raw feeling of something painful begging to be escaped behind them.

He saw the woman he loved trapped inside of this shell she’d constructed around herself. It couldn’t be healthy, he figured. It broke his heart to see her like this, to break apart more each day rather than piece back together. Losing the baby had crushed her, and mourning for the lost life didn’t seem to be doing anything for Y/N.

He’d gone outside for the first time in weeks, because she’d shouted at him and yelled she wasn’t a mental case until her voice had cracked, because Harry had gotten worried when she hadn’t answered from behind the door when she’d been showering... had gotten worried that she’d done something to herself. It was only to get groceries, but he’d been grieving as well and for the first time in weeks, his heart felt a bit lighter once he’d gone outside where it was brighter.

Once he had unlocked the doors and jingled his keys back into his pockets, all the while juggling a few bags of groceries, he’d put on a small smile on his face. A smile that had quickly vanished as peculiar noises sounded from their bedroom towards the end of their flat. He’d dropped his keys, and all of the bags with Y/N’s favorite takeaway (in an effort to get her to eat, the miscarriage had had an exhausting effect on her body as well), and immediately rushed towards the room with a frantic expression on his face.

What he’d found from the doorway was Y/N, clutching herself and the first ultrasound picture under the thick covers, breathing heavily as whimpers fell from her lips and her body shook. As he sat at the edge of the bed, unsure of how to help her but desperate to do so, she’d flung herself at his lap, head at his chest and body awkwardly splayed upon his own as he tried to shush her and gently rub her back and kiss her places until she was comforted.

She’d looked up at him, eyes wet with emotion for the first time in a while, expression completely shattered from her place on him. She’d lifted an arm to her face and wiped it with her sleeve. “I’m so sorry,” she’d sobbed as her body once again shook violently. “I’m so sorry. I killed him. I killed him. I killed our baby,” she chanted, sobs growing louder in volume.

“No, no, angel,” he breathed in sharply, pressing a finger to her wobbling lips as her wild eyes shut as hot tears raced down her sullen cheeks. “Don’t say that. You’re breaking my heart. It wasn’t your fault, darling. Not your fault.”

“I killed him,” she repeated, an animalistic shriek tearing itself from her chest darkly, before she’d clenched her palms into fists and banged them against his chest again and again. “I killed our baby.”

The most heartbreaking noise Harry had ever encountered sounded from the love of his life, slumping in his arms and giving in. Her chest rising and falling quickly with hopelessness, her haunted mind staring at him. “I killed him,” she finally whispered, defeated.

“No,” he harshly sounded. Then, he’d pressed his lips tightly to her forehead, gathered her in his arms, and then rocked her back and forth that night, until her breaths became steady and her eyes became tired and her mind was devoid of nightmares.

He made a mental note to bring her to therapy and sign the both of them up for some exercises together at the local gym.

*

Now, it was December. She still thought about the baby and what could’ve been, but it didn’t always feel like there was a beast clawing its way out of her rib cage darkly, every time she did. Therapy had helped when she’d gone, and Harry had tried so hard for her. He’d kept up a calm facade to help her. He’d dropped meetings, PR, time he could have spent marketing and writing songs to hold her or give her space while still remaining around her about to know she wasn’t alone in this. He’d given her time and opportunity to heal, but he had sharply refused to let her sob violently for hours while he was gone with pictures and baby clothes, blaming herself.

“Tha’s not grief, lovie,” he’d shuddered into the crook of her neck as he held her tighter against him. “That’s self harm.”

One morning when Harry had cracked a dumb joke, not expecting her to respond, she cracked a small smile back. He watched her face curiously for a few moments, before his own mouth stretched into a wide, boyish grin— one that caused his dimples to pop cheekily and for her to realize he was probably hurting too. And that she was in love with him, but had been shit at loving him. His green eyes had sparkled that morning, and he hadn’t pushed it.

They were getting to a good place, but now, as she stared at the test she had been dreading for days after suspicion had manifested itself into her during nights when she was up throwing up and when her breast tissue had gotten sore and swollen, so it hurt to put on her former comfort bras, she wasn’t so certain.

“Oh God,” she whispered, staring at her own reflection in the mirror and finding it ashen-faced, hair pulled back, messily framing her unsettled face as her stomach grew coils that snapped uncomfortably. Her eyes momentarily flickered to her stomach, and her neck had promptly snapped downwards, mouth opening as bile traveled it’s burning path up her oesophagus and out. She turned on the faucet, so the cool rush of water could both steady her heartbeat and keep Harry from hearing what was happening.

“I can’t be,” she swallowed, shaking her head as tears gathered in her eyes. She breathed shakily, nearly falling to the floor before grabbing a hold onto the wall and slowly sitting herself down into a crouched position. “I can’t...”

At the sound of her concealed cries, Harry had set down the mistletoes he’d been hanging around their flat, concern washing over his face and a heavy pang of sad sentiment resounding in his chest at how sad she looked as he opened the door.

Y/N looked up and regretted it almost instantaneously, breaking into more silent cries. The sadness that had washed over Harry’s face was unbearable, it was so out of place compared to his fluffy head of curls and movie-green eyes and jolly ugly Christmas sweater. All of this was unbearable.

“I can’t take it, Harry,” she whimpered, body falling into his as he reaches out for her with long, lean arms and a warm chest and comforting mouth.

“Shh, baby,” he cooed softly into her ear, “need you to tell me what’s wrong, okay? Can’t keep everything locked inside. It’s going to be alright, whatever it is.”

“It says...” she paused, before making the confession. “It says I’m pregnant.”

His arms tense around her, and she doesn’t know how to respond, so she quickly explains.

“The tests aren’t always accurate, but my body’s been showing signs and.. my period’s late. It’s never been late besides..” she trailed off, blinking back tears. His eyes moved to meet with hers attentively.

“I don’t know if I’m ready,” she confessed, looking away from his gaze. “I know you want a baby, but...”

“Hey, now,” he rasped, grasping onto her wrist lightly with one hand while using the other clutch the side of her face as he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. “If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. ‘S your body. I don’t want anything, but for you to be okay, sweetheart. I need you to know that. Seeing you hurt makes me feel—“ he broke off, staring at the ceiling and urging himself not to cry. “It kills me, Y/N. of course I want a baby with you, but that’s someday. What I need more is your health and presence.”

“What if I kill this one, too?” The words that fell form her lips formed a question so fast, so robotically he got whip lash trying to figure out how long she’d been thinking of this. “What if I kill this baby later when it’s actually in a highly developmental stage rather than an early kne, if I wanted to keep it? What if I just can’t.. what if you don’t have babies because of me.”

“Stop,” The command is stern. “Stop doing this to yourself. You can have babies, love. The doctor said so himself. What happened wasn’t your fault. Recollecting things and wondering such harsh things isn’t fair to yourself or your mental health when you’re still recovering. You are perfect, and I love you, with or without babies. I’m enraptured by you. We’ll adopt, we’ll wait however long it takes until you feel ready. I need you to listen to yourself and heal.”

“I don’t want to let it go,” she whispered.

“Then we won’t,” Harry spoke back, kissing her cheek quickly and setting his eyes on her face.

“Is that wrong? Am I moving too quickly?”

“No,” he sighed, hand moving to rest at her waist. “You just need time, baby. Whatever it is, it’s your choice, and I will support you and love you. No matter what.”

A few minutes passed by.

“I don’t want to give it up. It feels like a second chance,” she spoke surely. He smirked at her, clasping their fingers together and gently placing it atop y/n’s stomach.

“Then we won’t,” he repeated.

MASTERLIST| Requests are open!

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020: BRIT AWARDS SPECIAL

So, welcome to... a Tuesday? Yeah, it’s not exactly a usual time for me to post on this blog but it’s not just your everyday episode of REVIEWING THE CHARTS – That’s right, it’s the 40th ceremony in the annual BRIT Awards celebration, where we – or at least ITV – commemorate the greatest in British pop music. I’ll be celebrating in full force this year, but not by tweeting manically like I did last year – well, there will still be some tweeting; follow me @cactusinthebank – but instead by writing my live commentary right here. I did this a couple years back so I figured I’d bring it back again in traditional, over-analytical, unnecessarily nitpicky fashion. I’ve got an Excel document like I had last year to make not of who wins and compare it to who I think should win. I’m all prepared – it’s time for the 2020 BRIT Awards... unfortunately hosted by Jack Whitehall.

COMMENTARY

Interestingly (This is 10 minutes before the show begins), the International Group Award, Best British Video, Outstanding Contribution to Music and Global Success Awards have been abolished, and British Breakthrough Act, Critics’ Choice Award and British Single of the Year have all been renamed. Also, the BRITs caught flack for less female artists being nominated although last year there was a record amount nominated so I feel like sexism claims can’t really ring all that true in my opinion. It does often seem like male artists have dominated that year of pop music, just as it feel female artists have the previous year, and the BRITs have noticed that, so it just feels a tad lop-sided towards the males this year. I’m playing Devil’s advocate, sure, and I wouldn’t say 2019 has been a bad year for British women in music, but I am able to somewhat defend this decision. I feel like I’d just say that as a little pre-amble. In fact, I’ll add this: this will be less formal and grammatically correct than a normal RTC episode, and perhaps a bit less wholesome or family-friendly. Also, if none of this makes any sense, that’s because it’s out of context completely, and this will make absolutely no sense unless you’re watching it with me or had watched it prior to reading this, but that’s the joy in this! Scorecard at the ready, 19:58, it’s the BRITs in two minutes, and I am prepared to make fun of every issue I pick out.

Jack Whitehall is so unfunny lol Like Haha She Is Cleaning Lizzo Flute But He Look Like Masturbate Ha Ha

I feel like they did not know what they should do for this year

The intro with him trying out iconic BRIT Awards outfits is kinda cool actually

I wonder how far into the future they plan for these. Like are these skits pre-recorded by three months or so

Mabel didn’t really hit that note huh

I won’t really be paying attention to this one because I’m filling out scorecard and all to update it for this year but Mabel is less energetic than she was on the Graham Norton Show months ago

Can’t tell if Don’t Call Me Up has soured on me a lot or this is just a bad performance. Probably the latter

Is this the vocal loop from Mad Love or something I don’t recognise it

Nevermind I’m so dumb it’s from Don’t Call Me Up

The telephone on the screen Because Ha Ha She Says Call Me Up is a bit on the nose

I don’t think they realise she also has a song called Ring Ring

“Please welcome your host Jack Whitehall” No go away

Audience did not like the Boris Johnson joke or even the Chris Martin one lol this gnarly dude is BOMBING

Rod Stewart has eight children what the f

“Horny scarecrow of rock and roll Ronnie Wood” I hope that is on his CV

“A bit of witty banter from Dave” Jack Whitehall Shouted Out The TV Channel Dave

Lewis Capaldi – Someone You Loved genuinely makes me want to eat a living frog this live version is better though he’s not straining that much

I saw a BBC News piece on a boy with cancer and this was used in the background and I understand it’s a sad, sappy piano ballad but it’s literally just about a break up like that’s a tad unfitting and kinda undermines the illness and tragedy surely

Niall Horan looks SO infused

The production value for these little transitions seems to have improved it actually looks cool and not dated garbage

Lewis Capaldi will win Best New Artist

Lewis Capaldi won Best New Artist

It’s his first BRIT Award but what’s the point in celebrating he’s gonna win like seven more

Dude is coming up to the stage with a bottle of beer in his hand bruh

I bet this dude is going to be the Adele and just get drunk and swear every time he gets an award

He hugged Niall Horan for a concerning amount of time

The audience chanted ‘DOWN IT DOWN IT’ he did not down it

He just shouted profanities into the mic after 40 seconds of delaying it, but the audio was muted so I have no idea why Jack Whitehall Loves This Man

Lewis Capaldi’s music and personality clash so hard like I saw an advert of this man making funny faces set to Someone You Loved and it was so odd

That advert played right after the BRITs by the way lol

Why is Lewis Capaldi on another advert singing Someone You Loved again like stop stop stop pelase i ccant getsv awytsuavforrnjeofityre

JHE’S BACK FOR ANOTHER ADVERT GO AWAY YOU DRUNKEN IDIOT

Why would Mastercard proudly sponsor this sh

How the hell is FKA twigs nominated for best female artist like cool and all her album was good but Huh

I guess they put one alternate win each time

Mabel will win Best Female Solo Artist

Mabel won Best Female Solo Artist

Oh yeah I forgot people actually make speeches

“There are so many amazing women in this category” Mabel Listens To FKA Twigs

Don’t thank your record label they are crooks

I forget that Mabel is Neneh Cherry’s daughter that’s wild. Neneh Cherry won a BRIT too, I think this same award. Cool. Neat.

Jack Whitehall’s sarcasm and dryer wit is not exactly the best fit for the BRITs. For once I miss Ant & Dec

Harry Styles Is Literally Wearing Pajamas

This is an ok song and with actually good vocal mixing it’s better but he does sound a bit off. He did get robbed before the awards happened though lol

I am sick of guys singing ballads with a e s t h e t i c backgrounds like can we get some volcano eruptions up in this

The Rising Star and British Producer Awards (new awards) were already given out I feel like cheating

Literally the only nomination for the British Producer of the Year was fred

He won

Another break bruh bruh bruh give me a break

Harry Styles’ Pajamas Are Wet Now He Was Standing In Water

Little simz is on an advert afterwards with an amazing song from her amazing album but she’s not nominated for any award

Im so tired like this shit is keeping me awake last year i fell asleep during a jess glynne performance

Liam payne performed a month before the ceremony and his album fell 31 places on the chart in response

Jack Whitehall called himself a lanky streak of piss this man might get an Ofcom Complaint

Lizzo’s really pushing that title track huh

Lizzo didn’t censor herself on the Grammys but her breathy ‘uh’s are making some lines unintelligible lol

This is a good song though

LOL SHE STOPPED FOR THE AUDIENCE TO CONTINUE HER SENTENCE BUT NOBODY SAID THE LINE YIKES

I guess she forgot Truth Hurts didn’t even peak in the top 20 here

Good as Hell is the one people here care about

She knows that they didn’t respond in Truth Hurts because she said ‘sing along if you know it’ lol

She kinda messed up but to be fair she is walking and singing with the audience

That White Guy With The Crap Hair Killed It

Drummer is going wild

I love the extra guitar flourishes in Juice this is pretty cool actually, her interpolating Cause I Love You at the same time is pretty epic this actually sounds pretty great I’d love for this whole medley to be on streaming

She yelled ‘biiitch’ but the mic did not catch that

Ronnie Wood Really Got The Positive Vibes

Lewis Capaldi will win Best Male Solo Artist

(Michael Kiwanuka got like no applause god damn at least give them pity applause)

ROIGHT and tha winna ***upside down*** is STRORMZY

Stormzy won Best Male Solo Artist

(Second time by the way)

Clean version of Vossi Bop kinda slap Ngl

Stormzy TOWERS over Ronnie Wood lol dude is tall

“Um.”

“Best Male is nothing without incredible females” Cool cool

Ronnie is about to tell Stormzy why he thinks he should go back to his own country and that He’s Not Actually Racist

(Those allegations are baseless. My lawyers advised me to say so.)

Jack Whitehall touched audience feet

We’re already nearly an hour in wow

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY ADVERT BREAKS

Yes Yes

Hell yeah dave is awesome, he got his Top Boy co-star to work as a hype man before him

I think this is Black? If so that’s amazing I love that song

It’s Black he has it written on his white piano

The only white piano is slowly turning more black

I like the headlines and all the imagery on the piano it’s really cool

Dave is a tad off beat but he’s also playing a double-sided piano so understandable

A white dude is playing the other side of the piano I’m sure that’s symbolic

He is aggressive in this delivery damn he’s killing it

Some of this imagery is beautiful – especially the BRIT Award being covered by black snakes and the Arabic writing transitioning into an Africa with colonial borders

This was an amazing performance, especially with the violins. Incredible.

OH THERE’S ANOTHER VERSE ABOUT BORIS JOHNSON

The least racist is still racist damn right

This works as an obituary as well damn.

I’d have to analyse this whole thing but this was an incredible performance oh my god

I want this on streaming

When did this man help a terrorist plot wh

Paloma Faith Sounds Like A Robot Who Is Vaguely Feminist

Burna Boy will win International Male Solo Artist

(I so want Tyler to go home with it though. Could go to Post as well)

It’s just whoever shows up gets it though so

WHOA

WHAT THE HELL

TYLER THE CREATOR WON HOW

TAHT IS AMSGWYUFE

THE RADIO HOST SAID IGOR WRONG BUT ITS OK TYLER WON

Tyler, The Creator won International Male Solo Artist

This gnarly dude just said ‘errr yeah errr’

“Shout out to all the British funk from the 80s I try to copy”

LOL THE THERESA MAY CALL OUT HAHAH

I FORGOT HE WASNT ALLOWED IN THE UK

Bts is not a british group, presenter

Coldplay will win Best British Group

Foals won Best British Group

I am actually so surprised lol at Tyler and Foals winning their first BRITs

More alternative dudes winning I guess. Neat. Means a lot

Stop thanking your corrupt labels

The name’s eyelash

I haven’t actually heard her Bond theme yet

Finneas do be lookin kinda handsome tho

I like it. The whispery tone of her voice, the eerie strings (cello?), and slick guitar really fit the Bond franchise. Thank you Billie Eilish, very cool!

No Don’t Talk To Lizzo Don’t Talk To Anyone Jack Whitehall

“There was so much energy they could have done the whole performance for me” well not exactly mrs. Lizzo

This is so awkward we can’t hear what Lizzo is laughing at Harry Styles looks pissed

‘floutists’ is the name for flute players huh

I’m so confused what is going on

Lizzo is threatening jack Whitehall with a flute and within the transition to the break i could hear a slight faint shout from jack in the background

Is everyone ok

More people that i wanted to win than who i expected to win are winning

Sam Fender is haha funnie but nobody in the audience thinks so lol

Celeste is performing she’s the new Rising Star award she has already had a bit of a crack but I’m pretty sure that’s part of the song

This song is ok

Bit boring tbh. Audience is getting tired too. This is lasting like 5 minutes and the song is pretty flavourless and repetitive. Yawn snore

We’re about half way through and I’ve kind of lost interest ngl

Honestly lewis capaldi did better than celeste on jah

Jack Whitehall is having a mental breakdown right now. Understandable

Billie Eilish will win International Female Solo Artist

Billie Eilish won International Female Solo Artist

Lizzo looks so disappointed for whatever reason lol like did we really think anyone else would get this award

Sporty Spice is in the background dancing to everything i wanted that is not a song you dance like that to it’s about suicide

This speech is going terribly

Why are so many of these gnarly dudes signed to polydor

Thank you Billie Eilish very cool

No Jack Whitehall Don’t Talk To Harry Styles

Harry Styles looks like he hates Jack Whitehall so much

The Lizzo-Harry-Jack Whitehall love triangle is Awkward And Awful

Lizzo is the only reason the brit awards are good

Ok the exchange about Harry Styles not being taken seriously was pretty funny

In fact this whole exchange was very funny And Partially About Incest

“Is one of these lucky ladies your date?” “That’s my sister”

Lizzo is chugging the tequila

Harry Styles Looks Like He Pissed Himself

The BRIT awards have suddenly become very confusing

Epic Stormzy Time

Genuinely have no idea what song he’ll perform. Probably Vossi Bop?

Stormzy Should Keep The Singing To His Backing Vocalist And Choir

Gospel beat sounds sweet

I think this is supposed to be Lessons but the studio version is so much duller than this version. This one is pretty cool. I think it’s the choir

I’d be surprised if he only does Lessons. Also the production value here was crazy. Full band, pyrotechnics and all.

Oh yeah it’s Vossi Bop time he’s got the red lighting

Nevermind it’s Wiley Flow lol but still

Reminds me of when Kanye did All Day (also the audio got muted for a long period of time just like when Kanye did that)

This one is more choreographed though lol

Why did he perform two of the least popular songs first though

Burna Boy is coming out for Own It alright, he sounds just as good as studio, probably because He’s Not Actually Singing

I don’t like this song but the choreography is great, stage presence is good and the visuals are incredible. Really shows that even with the worst material, you can make a song sound as lively as ever. The horns the live band added to Own It sound beautiful

Burna Boy’s little solo bit was great

He got away with saying “Sucking on their mums” nice

I hadn’t heard Rainfall before this I don’t think (it sounds familiar though), but the mashup with Praise You was great. I love the sight of Stormzy in front of family members, the young men in black outfits from Wiley Flow, the tropical clothes-bearing women from Own It, Burna Boy, the live band, and all. It’s really a nice diverse sight to see. Cool cool. This probably means absolutely nothing but I Am Knackered

Someone You Loved will win Song of the Year

I really hope it’s Ladbroke Grove though. It and Location feel very emblematic of 2019, in a way that I Don’t Care by Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber DEFINITELY isn’t

Someone You Loved won Song of the Year

“Biggest winner of the night so far” there’s only one award left mate

Lewis Capaldi Is A Very Funny Man

“Thanks to my grandmother for dying”

Finneas do be lookin kinda handsome tho [2]

Heard a very british voice say “i luv yoo bilie” in the audience lmao

Lewis Capaldi will win Album of the Year

I’d prefer literally anyone else to win this award. Only one of these albums was a 7/10 or above but Lewis Capaldi’s album was unlistenable

OH HELL YEAH THE ONLY GOOD ONE WON

Dave won Album of the Year

Epic I love that album. It could very well have been Capaldi but since Dave won the Mercury Prize I guess he would have been a better prediction

People are screaming man’s lost for words

“Jesus Christ!” dude’s so astonished lol

I loved Dave’s speech actually very inspiring

“Jack, I’m gonna do this one for your mum, Hilary” bruh  rod stewart really saying ‘ur mom’ jokes out here

I love Rod Stewart’s raspy voice man. Orchestra’s great. This is beautiful lol

Gnarly dude got the guitar solo

Conclusion

I cannot be bothered to write some massive conclusion but most of the performances were great and emotionally powerful, especially Stormzy, Dave, Billie and Rod Stewart, and even those who were a bit crap performing were very funny on stage, like Lewis Capaldi. The on stage banter was really cringe-worthy but Jack Whitehall, Harry Styles and Lizzo had this really funny triangle going on. The outro with Ronnie Wood and the rest of Rod Stewart’s band was great, Stormzy’s extended performance was sweet. This was actually a pretty great BRITs, to be honest, and all of the winners, except a select few, deserved it, and if they didn’t, it was pretty expected. There could have been some more winners – off the top of my head, Slowthai and Little Simz weren’t even nominated, but hey, Tyler won. That’s great. The scorecard will be on Twitter. In the words of the BRIT Award winners in 2020, “errr yeah errr”, and thanks for reading!

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020

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                                                            NOVEMBER            2019

PAGE RIB

 Look for the production of Boeing Boeing at the Hyde Park Opera House in Vermont. Director Gene Heinrich will bring the story on Nov. 8-10 and again the 15th -17th. Woo Hoo!

*****

Amber Guyser was found guilty and the strange part was the hugs she got from the judge and the victim’s brother.

*****

Robot Chicken is back for season 10.

*****

Days alert: Little Arianna is out.

*****

Word is that Mike Pence is behind the scenes working on health and human services. He has hired Alex Azar to revamp title 10 by putting $ into Obria which emphasizes abstinence. It’s sort of like a global gag rule. The conscious and religious freedom division helps medical workers who don’t want to help people if said patient lives against their faith.

*****

It’s been ruled that Northern Ireland’s abortion ban is a breach of the UK’s human rights commitments.

*****

The Native American Voting Rights Coalition has conducted hearings to get the lowdown on the trouble that exists in Native American voting rights. The barriers include poverty, closeness to polls and mailing addresses that include RR#’s and post office boxes. Let’s make the process easier for everybody.  We should all be able to vote!

*****

Congresswoman Katey Hill is getting divorced and losing her position after photos of her with another woman and a bong surfaced.

*****

Tim Ryan is out!

*****

John Kelly warned Trump of impeachment.

*****

Trump’s brother Robert was awarded a $33 million government contract.

*****

Why do all the older stars want to dance their way on to a talk show?? UR hip, we get it!!

*****

What DOJ?? A criminal investigation into the origins of the Russia probe?? Seriously??

Did ya see the Fallon interview with Joaquin Phoenix? It just sort of shows how wrong Jimmy can be. I think Phoenix was ready to take over the whole operation.** Joker got the biggest October opening ever.

*****

Inside the Actor’s Studio is back.

*****

Matt Lauer was accused of the rape of Brooke Nevils and NBC covered it up. Anne Curry and others have stood up for Nevils. It seems the management at NBC has themselves been charged with their own misconduct and tried hard to keep Ronan Farrow from telling us all about it. Comcast, NBC and Noah Oppenheim are in a bit of a spot.

*****

The NBA is distancing themselves from the coach who tweeted support for human rights but then they apologized. China has been pulling merch and cancelling games. Many companies including Mercedes and Tiffany are really trying to keep China happy.

*****

Drew Barrymore will debut a talk show for CBS.

*****

Thru all the crap that Kathy Griffin went through, at least she now owns all her shit. See the new movie she made:  A Hell of a Story

*****

ABC will bring us Craig Ferguson in the game show, The Hustler.

*****

If you haven’t heard Brittany Howard’s new Jaime album, do it now!! The song Stay High is so fab.

*****

Larry king is getting a divorce from Shawn Southwick King after 22 years.

*****

Zoe Kravitz is the new Catwoman.

*****

HBO is giving Sarah Silverman a late night pilot and a stand up special.

*****

Shep Smith is out at FOX. He shocked most everyone by leaving in the middle of his contract. He claims that it was his decision. Some say a WH rep visited with Fox management before the announcement.

*****

Pierre Delecto is the fake twitter account of Mitt Romney. ! ?

*****

The Nobel peace Prize was announced and will go to Ethiopian Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed Ali.

*****

The Dem debate was the best yet. I am all for keeping it civil, Mr. Booker, but it is a fucking debate. I am glad they shook it up a bit. Mayor Pete did a wonderful job of imagining the world after Trump. I think he soared above them all this time. Tulsi Gabbard really stood out in her white suit. Since then there have been some illusions to her favor in Russia but her performance that night was great. Tom Steyer talked to the camera like a robot. I am all for his enthusiasm about impeachment but Drop Out! He kept spouting statistics. Yang always jumps right into his financial speeches but he and Bernie were so right about how we need to stop talking about Trump. It would be nice if they asked him more about foreign policy and such. But Yang knows how to give real examples of automation that we can all relate to like, McDonald’s and CVS. He not only talks of the truckers affected but of those who serve them as well. Bernie also talked about the much needed infrastructure. Biden seemed angry and defensive but he was right about a number of things. When the talking heads were asked if Biden did good, one answered that, “he was coherent.” Yikes! Once again, Warren won’t give us a straight answer about taxes and it is the thing that hurts her the most.  Her “let’s be clear” is not clear enough for many. One of the things the average person has really come to hate is avoidance. She also blames more of the job loss on trade. I have to hand it to Klobachar, she was forceful and called people out. I loved her points on paper ballots, why isn’t everyone on board with this?? Castro had the best gun line of the night, “Police violence is also gun violence.” Harris and Beto held their own but did not stand out to me. If you put them altogether they would make a hell of a cabinet. What about Bernie and Buttigieg for Pres and VP. Warren to run the War dept., Yang the Treasury, Beto to run alcohol, tobacco and firearms, Harris for Sec. of State, Klobahcar for the FBI and Castro for homeland security. Just a suggestion.

*****

Former career diplomat Bill Taylor opened his inquiry questioning with a “beautifully written’ 15 page statement. Many later said the testimony was disturbing which elicited gasps. His words named names and connected the dots. Thank you Mr. Taylor for being a meticulous note taker and paper trail keeper.

*****

The State Department finally finished the internal investigation of Hil’s e -mails.  They found 38 unidentified people were “culpable” in 91 cases of sending classified info that wound up on her personal server.

*****

Republicans stormed into a secure hearing room with recording devices for a show they were filming. Some of these very republicans are included in these closed door meetings and given the same time to ask questions as anybody else. The participants do have clearance so it gives them the right to do this. This stunt happened the day after Taylor’s testimony and after Trump asked his fellow republicans to do something. They blocked testimony for over 5 hours. Thanks for wasting our money.  I guess their point was that they have no respect for our laws and traditions and they are very slimy.

*****

It was good to see Sam Donaldson back out there on the case.

*****

Hooray for the all- female spacewalk.  Thanks Christina Koch and Jessica Meir.

*****

Bernie had a huge NY rally where he was endorsed by Michael Moore and AOC.

*****

Harrison Ford made an impassioned speech about climate change.** Jane Fonda was arrested on the 11th at a climate change protest for unlawful demonstration at the U.S. Capital. She vows to keep coming back.

*****

Homeland security secretary Kevin McAleenan is out.** Mike Pompeo’s senior advisor Mike Mckinley resigned and testified on the impeachment inquiry.** Rick Perry is out.

*****

Jennifer Lawrence has married Cooke Maroney.

*****

The Viola Davis produced, In A Man’s World looks interesting.

*****

This month in sexual harassment news:  43 new women have leveled allegations against Trump.** 3 new women have come forward about Cuba Gooding Jr. Word is that there are many stories of his grab ass tactics thru the years.

*****

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has released the names of this year’s noms which includes Pat Benatar, Dave Matthews Band, Doobie Brothers, Depeche Mode, Whitney Houston, Judas Priest, Kraftwerk, MC5, Motorhead, Nine Inch Nails, Todd Rundgren, Soundgarden, T Rex, Thin Lizzy and Notorious B.I.G.

*****

Stumptown on ABC is a great new show with that grit of the tough 70’s detective but with a chick. Nice! The cast is fab with Michael Ealy, Camryn Manheim and the sublime Tantoo Cardinal.

*****

The Prince estate was livid that the President used Purple Rain at a rally. “We will never give permission to President Trump to use Prince’s songs,  “ a spokesperson said.** Queen has told Trump not to use “We will rock you” in his new campaign video.

*****

Where do I begin with Scary Clown 45? By the time a month has gone by all his insanity is old news. When we see his family and piers act like everything he does is normal, it shows how dysfunctional they all are. I can’t tell you how many families I have seen that would have been pretty happy groups if it weren’t for the mad man running the show. How can people act so entitled and want to help no one?  Is it the water? Do they remember how much they gave grief to the Obama’s and Clintons? Are they scared of Trump or do they just love their money that much? How can so many be filled with so much hate and why do we always let them get by with everything? But it goes on… A DC court rules congress can see Trump’s taxes. The man is using our Justice Department to block a subpoena for his tax returns?  Merrick Garland is the presiding judge over the circuit court. **The Ukraine thing started with Scary Clown giving a little quid pro quo to Zelinsky. Multiple whistleblowers have come forward and their testimony has been confirmed. He then told us to look at Pence, Rudy, Perry or anybody else he could think of.  Pence plays stupid, Kurt Volker resigns, Rick Perry resigns** Now Trump has pulled troops out of Syria and betrayed the Kurds. We destroyed our own stuff so Turkey could not get at it. After Trump said there were no more troops there, actually there were about 1000. Now there is talk of sending some back after all the backlash. ISIS militants are now back on the loose. More troops are being sent to Saudi Arabia. ** Igor and Lev were arrested. ** Marie Yovanovitch testified against the wishes of the WH. Rudy claims that she was blocking him from his Ukraine shenanigans.  Trump said that the former ambassador was”bad news.”  Yovanovitch claims that she was forced out as a direct result of pressure from the boys.** A NY judge blocked the Trump rule to limit legal status for those who use public benefits. A Texas judge ruled that Trump’s use of emergency funds to build a wall was unlawful. ** John Bolton is starting to talk.

*****

Scary Clown called Nancy Pelosi a third rate politician n what they described as a meltdown.** Pelosi pushed thru a rules package for the impeachment as October came to a close.

*****

“If you support Donald Trump, don’t be afraid to get down on your knees.” Mrs. Pence

*****

720,000 acres of California public land will now be given over to oil and gas companies for fracking leases.** In better California news:  Hooray for bill AB32 which looks to stop private, for profit prisons and immigration detention facilities. It’s about time!!

*****

The National Enquirer is threatening a libel suit against Ronan Farrow.** Trump has threatened to sue CNN.

*****

Arizona’s Joe Arpaio lost his lawsuit against CNN, the Huffington Post and Rolling Stone. Reporters called him an ex-felon but the judge cited a case which states that, ‘in the interest of free expression, there is breathing room when it comes to public figures.

*****

Professor Allan Lichtman has properly predicted the last 9 elections. He says he can’t make a decision until the impeachment predicament is worked out.

*****

R.I.P. Kim Shattuck, Diahann Carroll, Marcello Giordani, Ginger Baker, Rip Taylor, Robert Forster, Elijah Cummings, Scotty Bowers, Bill Macy and John Witherspoon.