#actually i dont think two people have to be sexually attracted to each other to be in love

[youaremysunshine-court]

Gay ace rei and biromantic heterosexual kazuki type kazurei pls

[officialspec]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

first off i hate this ask and i think youre a freak. in any other world i wouldve blocked you for this but unfortunately for both of us i actually like this type of philosophy. dont send this shit to anyone else though

i dont think its right to compare human sexuality to the same thing in animals, to get that out of the way. im sure until a certain point it comes from the same biological impulses, but human beings have way more complicated social structures and reasons for coupling that just do not exist in other animals. our social behaviours are what make us unique in the animal kingdom and that definitely extends to gender and sexuality. so theres that

people love to tout 'gender is a social construct' around like its a criticism in and of itself, which i think betrays a misunderstanding about social constructs in general. theyre the foundations we build language on to better understand each other, and affected by a whole host of cultural and historical factors. just because theyre subjective and complicated doesnt mean they arent real. in terms of the effect they have on peoples lives they may be the most real thing that exists

for example, 'kindness' is a social construct. the definition and ways it is enacted differ greatly across personal and cultural lines. but no one would ever suggest a world where kindness doesnt exist or loses meaning, because its an essential part of the way we interact with each other (in the same way i dont really see a world where gender entirely ceases to exist, mainly just one where people have more fun with it. im not a psychic though so who knows)

similarly, sexuality in humans is another social construct. i think the driving biological forces behind it are very real, but the labels people attach to those impulses are subjective attempts to express their inner world to the people around them if that makes sense. and those same biological impulses are ALSO subject to social ideas of gender, because those ideas are established at birth and reinforced over a persons entire lifetime

to use myself as an example, im a gay trans man. ive identified as other things in the past, because i was trying to pick apart feelings i had and express them to others in an attempt to find community. my identity might change as i get older and experience new things, or it might not. i identify as gay because im not attracted to the social concept of women, and someone i would otherwise be attracted to might lose all appeal after i find out they fall under that concept (this has happened before w transfems pre and post coming out lol)

of course, the real REAL answer to this is that trying to give queer identities rigid and objective definitions is a fools errand, and also lame as fuck. someone might identify as gay and be more attracted to general masculinity than men as a social category, maybe they fool around with a couple of butch women without considering themself any less gay. two otherwise identical people might be a butch lesbian and a gay trans man without either of those identities coming into conflict. they might even be the same person at different times of the week

the labels people choose to use are communication tools, not objective signifiers. if you dont understand them, they probably arent talking to you

social constructs are everything. we as humans have the unique ability to interpret our own messy desires and impulses into words that other people can use to form an idea of someone else in their mind. its how we build connections, and of course it isnt perfect because trying to squeeze someones entire personal history and the centuries of context that defined it into a handful of syllables is going to leave some room for error. but its all we have, yknow? so we keep trying. and i think thats much more human than any imposed objective 'truth' could ever be

tldr we live in a society dipshit. get with it

[poisonousquinzel]

my main issue with Harlivy not being monogamous is that the idea exists solely because DC is homophobic. I think, in some worlds, they could have a healthy poly relationship, obviously I love harliva (Gotham City Sirens), I stand by that this would be a wonderful dynamic if ya know written by competent and skilled writers who actually understand all their characters.

And frankly I dont feel like Harley is one who typically would be okay with sharing the person she's in love with. she's just not. maybe in a case where she and the person she's in love with / dating are both also in love with another, who's equally into the both of them.

But

That's not what's happening in Harley & Ivy's comics right now. That's not what's ever happened with this "open relationship".

I think Mason was healthy and sweet for Harley, from what I remember, but Ivy didn't love him and he didn't love Ivy. It's understandable to a degree, Ivy's reasonings and such, and in a different world with better writers I think that aspect could have been explored and developed.

Because Ivy does, truly, deeply, love Harley, and the idea she would be okay with Harley having hookups, etc, could be explained in a way that would make sense. Particularly during the part of Harley's arc that the 2014/2016 comics were, well, were supposed to be, dealing with.

She's freshly broken up with Joker, not really fully into a healing phase either, and isn't in the right mindset to be like settling down and thinking of Forever again. Harlivy's relationship is strong and built on friendship, so even in the beginning there while their relationship isn't Platonic, it's not "Officially Dating", Ivy knows how deeply Harley also cares about her. She also knows Harley isn't in a good place, and neither was she.

So her being okay, or outright happy for Harley, being loved by other people would make some sense because all Ivy's tried to do their whole friendship is prove that she deserved better, that she deserved to be loved and cherished. And as long as whoever is the pick of the month for Harley is someone who makes her feel happy and loved, then Ivy wouldn't feel jealous over it because damn, good for her being so happy messing around with someone who isn't as nasty and cruel as Joker. And it wouldn't take away from the real underlying feelings the two women have for one another.

But, again, that's not what this is. And it is now a "dynamic" that's bled into both Poison Ivy (2022) and Harley Quinn (2021), and has ultimately (due to the sheer lack of shown conversations or anything) devolved to borderline cheating.

In all honestly, this isn't a thing that'd exist if she was still with Joker and him alone. 1000%.

She would be with him and him only and would be depressed, insecure and jealous if he had a "friend" like Janet who he'd fucked before and continued to keep around.

This concept was only introduced because DC wouldn't allow for Harlivy to be openly in a monogamous relationship in 2014/2016. This is the company that in 2013 lost both the artist and writer for the Batwoman comic (artist: JH Williams III and writer: W. Haden Blackman) due to the company refusing to allow them to show Kate get married. It's not ooc for them to have refused to let them be monogamous, especially since Harlivy wasn't even allowed to be shown kissing on the lips at the time.

cause forbid sapphic women are allowed to be shown being outright loving and romantic with each other and doing something as ridiculously simple and mundane as a lip kiss, but having Ivy grab her ass in front of two dudes is totally okay cause it's hot.

it's so hot in fact that they needed to add in Tool dude, a fucking loser ass creep, saying "homina" in response to getting to see these two hot ladies like this. It seems like this is supposed to be a version of "Hummina"

Wiktionary: used to express that one has a strong reaction that cannot be expressed in words, especially when expressing embarrassment or sexual attraction.

Urban Dictionary: gibberish used to convey excitement or immediate sexual attraction to someone that takes your breath away.

Or the definitions for "Homina" itself

Urban Dictionary: A word, normally repeated three times, to express shock, befuddlement, or general speechlessness. Often when looking at a particularly attractive member of the speaker's favored sex

-

A sound you make when you see someone very attractive and beautiful. Similar to "hubba-hubba" or "a-woo-gah a-woo-gah" or "rwaaaarrr!"

[AND! I think the dynamics with her relationships with Joker and Ivy during the Mad Love arc is ridiculously complex and cannot be boiled down to "she cheats on him with Ivy so its in character for them to not be monogamous" because it takes away all context of both relationships and the mental state she'd have been in during that arc that was directly caused by him.

Her hooking up with Ivy while still being on / off again with Joker, a man who had broken her mind, her bones and her self esteem, is not at all similar or equatable to the pointless, ooc strange plot threads that've been published recently that frankly are just starting to feel like it's playing into biphobic stereotypes]

anyyyhoo, those are my thoughts<3 I have to finish cleaning my room now I sporadically wrote this on a short break SKDJSJKSKSKS

[aihaitahm]

having a crush on streamer ! roommate ! blade

cw: suggestive, not proof read sorry.

probably streams something like valorant or league (sorry.) or he streams himself drawing ! he enjoys streaming but he also just does it for extra money… he knows he’s attractive. doesn’t talk/commentate that much but he has some dry humor that makes people intrigue especially for how he is. when he gets annoyed at whatever he’s playing, he would cuss a lot but not like… throwing his keyboard across the room.

would stream with silverwolf and gets a bit annoyed whenever she beats his ass whenever they play together. sometimes they meet up and also play horror games together. blade has a straight face but is actually terrified that he screams “fuck!?!!?” while silverwolf stares at him with a straightface like it wasnt even that scary -_-

anyways, moving in and discovering he was your roommate was interesting. he wasnt really shy… just awkward, and may come off a bit condescending and mean but if only you could see his red ears whenever he interacts with you. at first you were wary of him whether or not he would do his own share of chores so you nag at him multiple times. spoiler alert: he does do his part<3 this is where you both start interacting more by playfully being sarcastic at each other.

“tsk you know i do chores when youre not around… you gotta trust me more will ya?”

“okay sorry…”

it was a rough start getting to know him as a roommate since he is always in his room when youre around or when he goes out a lot whether to the gym (which you find yourself staring at his figure or analyzing it behind his baggy shirt) or to hang out with his friends, he comes home late. but a sweet gesture he does is when you wake up in the morning, you see a bunch of food or take out on the counter as a thank you for cooking and leaving some for him.

he finallt brought his friends around (silverwolf and kafka!) and they introduce themselves to you while they nudge blade teasingly. like how could he hide his precious roommate from them. thats when they started asking you questions while blade’s ears are perked.

“so dear are you single? what do you like and dislike? to think bladie wouldnt even talk to his dear roommate… dont make them feel lonely blade ‘kay?”

“yea… i am whyd you ask? and i like ___ and dislike ___. and oh im fine!”

“whats your type! do you like games? can we play ? we can play with blade too if you want!”

“stop with the questions you two. and excuse me i talk to them… kinda.”

“sure you do.”

after that interaction, blade is a bit more talkative to you now but still a bit closed off. thats when you questioned him about the noise he makes and asks if he streams. he embarrassingly said yes while he continues to answer your questions begrudgingly.

you tend to text to your friends about him and march 7th starts teasing you to no end. dan heng kinda warns you about him but would support you to no end… just dont get in blade’s bad side. stelle or caelus would purposely create scenarios where you have to talk to blade since they have a lot of classes with him.

one time you were going home after seeing your friends until you came home to see he was making a meal for himself, shirtless. in which he blushes deep red but shrugs it off as he smirks. you were surprised and actually squeaked, telling him to put a shirt on.

“put some clothes on damn it.”

“well stop looking its really that simple.”

since your friends, you, blade and his friends came to the conclusion you both like each other, do you actually confess? no but obviously you both are stubborn and would rather deal with the sexual loving tension. roommates who decided to do grocery shopping together one day. to go out and maybe look for a pet. roommates who sometimes rant to each other about deep personal stuff. working out together. following each other on social medias. wt this point march 7th and kafka is practically screaming at u and blade’s face to confess.

that was until you were knocking at his door and he wasnt there since you already brought him his food. you came in his room for the first time to see his stream was on and people were wondering who are you. looking around his space, you found some of the little gifts you gave him and saw his phone glow up to a silly cute picture of you that you sent. making you feel flustered bc goddamn it you just needed to hand him his food.

‘alhaithamscatboy: ohmygod are u blade’s partner?!?!!? the one silverwolf was teasing blade about!

eimikofanpage69: theyre so fine!!!! oh my god !!!! wdym yall are just roommates?

KAZUSCARAFAN: UR LYING WHEN U SAY UR JUST ROOMMATES. ‘

“(name) whyre you here? oh you brought me food. thank you. uh sorry about my chat.”

“ah yes actually theyre my lovely partner.“ blade said as he pecks you on the cheek and the chat goes crazy. literally making it viral.

after the stream, you confronted him and freaked out. asking him if he just did it for the views or if he actually liked you that way. which makes him infuriated because how could he ever do that to someone he loves and respects.

“i like you okay? i… love you a lot more than i can ever express and i would never do shit like that for views. i had my eyes on you ever since you moved in. i just didnt know if you do. im sorry if i made you uncomfortable.”

“you didnt. and i-i love you too… now you should like, kiss me better bladie.”

“call me yingxing or ren instead.” he whispered as he kissed you on the lips passionately.

[treacletartlett]

vulnerability

for the struggling girlies with anxiety♡

there's no one who you can really open up to, who you can talk about the most personal things with, but harry, he seems to be able to read you like an open book. he shows you how to make yourself feel good without guilt, he shows you how to be vulnerable with yourself and other people.

sorry guys this ended up being much longer than anticipated, I enjoyed writing this so much!

includes sexual content!

You and Harry are not actually friends, but sharing a friend group and house forced you to be friendly acquaintances, and when passing each other in the halls you greet each other with a simple greeting.

secretly, there has always been a kind of attraction you held for him, his charm, his good looks, but you never spoke about it with anyone since it didn't seem like anything past friendly attraction. unfortunately, that quickly grew into something you’d rather not speak about.

you didn't experience such feelings often, but when you did, they weren't as intense as you felt with him, which was something you struggled with a lot. you didn't enjoy the things your friends loved, or when someone tried to get it on with you your body didn't react as you wanted it to, even if it's just for wanting to know that you could feel the same as the others.

during breakfast time, you were sitting with your friends as usual. though what were unusual was that you had joined them a bit later than the rest.

you were that type of person who arrives earlier than the rest and is always on time.

your friend, neville, who was as oblivious as they come and nicely sitting next to hermione granger, who was Harry's best friend, looked at you with confusion while asking "where were you at? you're never this late to breakfast, I was almost worried."

the rough start of the morning did nothing to ease this situation.

trying to act casual, you scooped some egg and other foods on your plate, not paying attention to what you were piling your plate with. a faint pinkish tint rising on your cheeks.

“nothing, just slept late.” You mumbled loud enough for them to hear.

“I dont think that’s true,” Hermione spoke softly, that look on her face indicating she knows something suspicious was going. “you slept and woke up at the same time as me.”

hermione really knew how to put someone on the spot. while uneasily trying to make something up, Harry, who was sitting two places to Hermione's right, spoke up while holding the morning edition of The Daily Prophet.

“that doesn't matter, more importantly, Ginny, you're going to the quidditch tryouts, aren't you?” successfully steering the conversation away from you, you felt grateful for the minor save. you looked at him for a second, smiling slightly before focussing on something else.

“Yes, I'm trying out for chaser, then I have an excuse to push people.” Ginny said, but you weren’t really listening, your mind wandering.

"I'm sure you'll do great, alongside Ron of course, anyone else going? are you?" he asked you, suddenly interested. you weren't actually sure if you wanted to try out, never having been on the team yourself, but you loved quidditch, and did want to be, but with Harry as captain this year, you weren't sure how focussed you could be.

"oh well, I'm not sure. I've thought about it, but I don't know." you replied sheepishly. the lack of confidence in your voice has always had a way to embarrass you, even after such a long time. you were never able to grow into your own skin much, even after having seen all your friends grow up and get that self-confidence you lacked.

"I've seen you fly, y/n, you really should try-out! you're an amazing flyer." Ron said, which shocked you slightly, unknowing to his seeing you fly before-which you did with your friends often, late in the night- and the fact that he just praised your skills, has plastered a smile on your face and lifted some of your self-consciousness.

Harry nodded, seemingly agreeing with Ron. "yea, you definitely should, Ron and I were impressed with you! we're surprised you haven't tried out before."

your face reddened even more, and you hoped you weren't the same shade as a tomato, being put on the spot. you were really bad at getting compliments, scared you would come off as rude or arrogant by how you reply to them, so you did what you thought you should and smiled, and told them a small thank you to which they both smiled back at before resuming their conversation with Ginny, and the rest of the Gryffindors.

after breakfast, you and your friends left for classes, but the way Harry complimented you hasn't been able to leave your mind, making you lose focus for the majority of the day.

when classes ended you decided to split off from your friends a walk your own way, needing some space to clear your mind. your footsteps echoed and you grazed the wall, slightly leaning right against it. there was such a peaceful silence that it made you doze off. you weren’t paying attention to anything or anyone around, but it wasn’t needed since there weren’t anyone but you in the corridor.

Or so you thought. a small grunt escaped your mouth, the impact of walking into a wall hit you hard. but, as it turns out it wasn’t a wall. it was a someone. steadying yourself you looked up at the person you just walked into.

Harry Potter turned around and chuckled when he saw you. “You okay?" he asked, while he tried to hold in his laugh

it wasn't a hard hit as it would've been if you walked into an actual wall, but it still shocked you slightly. because of quidditch, he’s grown quite muscular, not too much, but just enough to make his back feel firm to the touch.

“Oh, right, yea sorry about that, wasn’t paying attention.” You mumbled, a faintly blushing.

“I noticed,” he chuckled. "don't worry about it, I didn't pay attention either. where were you off to?" his quick change in subject startled you, but when you collected your thoughts you croaked out your answer. "just walking around, wasn't thinking of a specific place."

He nodded, in thought, as if he carefully constructed his next question in his mind. "why were you actually late this morning? it didn't seem like anything particular, but when I saw Hermione's face, I knew she was suspicious, and most of her suspicions are justified."

this was the last thing you expected him to ask you, after he led the conversation this morning elsewhere. your face heated up in a second, reliving the memories of you this morning. you weren't sure how to reply, knowing you weren't the best of liars, and harry seemed to catch on to this rather quickly. was this the time to be honest? to tell the person you've experienced a different feeling with than the handful others you thought more than once about? it would be weird, and damn random. you and Harry weren't even real friends, this was something you wouldn't even tell your closest friends.

"well, uh, nothing. it was nothing. I was only late once, it happens. anyway I should get going." you tried to hurry off, staying casual, but it didn't work. as you walked past him, he followed you, and it seemed like he was going to stop at any given moment.

"you know, I'm not trying to embarrass you or anything, I'm just curious since your face reddened a bit when neville asked, and we haven't really spoken before, so because you're going to be on the quidditch team I thought we should try and maybe get to know each other, even if it's just a bit? anyway, whatever it is, I know it isn't nothing, and while I'm mostly someone who doesn't push, I'm also very curious, also to know you a bit, so whatever it is, don't worry, I won't find it weird or anything."

after he stopped rambling, silence filled the hall while you tried to articulate a convincing excuse. you weren't sure what he would think, and after his speech, you tried to focus on anything but his remark that you'll be on the team, when you haven't even clarified if you're trying-out. after pondering, and dragging it out for as long as you can, you stumbled a bit over your words before you managed to just throw everything out, for some reason forgetting all the reasons why you didn't want to tell him anything in the first place. he looked at you with such a look that for some reason made you think he wouldn't be caught off guard by what you were about to say.

you flushed bright red, your body having a hobby of showing your embarrassment which you've always cursed your genes for. "well, I'm not sure. so I- I think there is something wrong, or I don't know, with me. This is probably really weird, so yea," he shook his head in disagreement. "I was just- you know, I was, I don't know. I've never experienced those feelings before, even though everyone around me has, and well, you know, I also haven't had intense feelings for anyone until recently and it's really weird, I'm not sure what to do with them, so I did what everyone does and woke up early after I- after I had a-," you stopped talking for a second. "a dream, about, well, someone I think, and I thought 'I just have to try' because I wanted my body to react normally like everyone talks about, but I felt really weird and I hate discussing stuff like this, so it didn't really work out and after I felt really uncomfortable and dirty, or something, that I did that. I don't know why I won't just enjoy it like everybody else, but I guess my body just won't change or turn normal or something."

after you finished your sentence and caught your breath, you realised you rambled on to Harry for a solid second. embarrassment and disbelieve clouded your head, but Harry just listened to you talk and seemed interested in what you had to say. you could almost see the wheels turn in his head, forming a reply to your story. nerves settled low in your stomach and doubt clouded your thoughts, afraid you overshared or made him feel weird, but when he spoke, he spoke with such interest and care you suddenly forgot every worry you had.

"y/n, just because you don't experience things like others doesn't mean you can't give love to yourself. there is nothing wrong with you, or your body. just because it's deemed 'the ordinary' doesn't tell you that you have to experience it the same way as others." he stepped closer, "you don't have to 'overcome' it, because there is nothing strange about those mental barriers you set, you just have to understand what your body is telling you, without feeling disgusted. it's nature." his words felt like a caress against your back, the soft tone of his whisper a hug around you. they reassured you, settled the doubts you've had for so long a fraction, which is a fraction more than anyone has ever.

you weren't sure how to reply, this whole conversation feeling weird to you, but when you looked at him he seemed at ease. it wasn't new though, your friends loved to talk about it, and even though you didn't, you didn't want anyone to know about your 'abnormality'.

"so who's the person anyway, the one you were talking about." he asked. you looked at him, confused, not expecting him to ask that either.

"what?" you asked, absentmindedly. "you know, the person you had feelings for." you tensed. he obviously didn't know it was him, and you weren't about to tell him. "well, I-, I don't know." it was a feeble attempt, but it didn't work, obvious by Harry who started laughing.

"that was a really sad excuse, sorry." he said when he caught his breath. "it's okay, I promise I won't tell anyone." he looked eager to know, to know which person managed to activate your sex drive for the first, and probably last, time in your life. having spilled so much, you were at a loss for words. slight panic overtook you as you stayed silent, trying to come up with something.

Harry kept looking at you patiently. it was visible he really wanted to know, but he tried to hide it while you looked for something to say. the corridor almost came to an end, giving way for the grounds outside. it wasn't cold per se, but it wasn't pure sunshine either.

it was perfect.

you gave up trying to find an excuse to say that would convince him otherwise, and kept silence, hoping he'll magically forget he's asked you anything. it was pathetic, but maybe it would work.

"it isn't going to work." he spoke.

well, it was worth trying.

"you can't ignore me, or your feelings. maybe I can help you. whoever it is, I won't judge, I won't even reply, if you don't want me to." he stopped walking, standing in front of you when you two just passed a large tree. he had this puppy dog eye look, and silently begged to know the answer.

you weren't really sure why he wanted to know so bad, but for some reason it felt good knowing he wanted to know something like that, so personal. nevertheless, it was hard trying to maintain secrecy while he's looking at you like that.

"what if it were someone you knew really well?" you asked softly, slightly hinting at who it could be. you felt anxious as you avoided looking at him, your head bowed to the ground, suddenly interested in the green of the grass.

it was quiet, there seemed to be no one outside except for you two, which was highly unusual, since it's always packing with this weather, but you guessed the universe was at your side, granting you full privacy with Harry.

"then that would be just fine." he answered. his voice was calm and gentle, unlike your hoarse whisper. you wanted him to suddenly know without having to tell him, it would be much easier.

"someone you wouldn't expect, that you knew better than anyone else?" your eyes met his, awkwardly. you hoped he would just get the hint, you'll both ignore this conversation, and act like nothing happened while still being on good terms.

that seemed like the perfect scenario, right?

he stepped closer, not close enough to kiss your shoes, but enough to see the green of his eyes and feel his body heat warm you up like a fire.

"then I wouldn't mind at at," he smiled slightly, melting your heart immediately. "y/n, let me help you."

what did that mean? help you? did he understand, and choose to ignore, or he just didn't, and was pushing you to tell him? you didn't know how to reply, the silence was loud in your head.

"it's okay, I promise. just trust me, it's gonna be okay." he said when you kept silent. it seemed as if he mistook your confusion for dread of what he meant, but this was awkward enough, so you kept silent, praying in your head for this conversation to end, or for the earth to swallow you and never spit you out. they both seemed like good solutions for now.

you realised you probably looked stupid, or rude, just staying silent and ignoring Harry like this, but it was difficult trying to come up with a good reply. but you tried, needing the misery to end.

"can we just forget all this?" mid-whisper, you heard how cliche and pathetic you sounded, feeling betrayed by your inner mind voice, which sounded perfectly fine saying this line in your head.

about to turn away, your head down, Harry seemed to understand how you feel. how, when you two didn't even talk on a daily basis, did he seem to understand you so deeply when even the people closest to you can't? you get it, maybe because you've told him things you haven't told anyone else, or because his eyes are so bright it feels like they are seeing through your mind. or because to him, you're such an open book, you're feelings are just so normal, he understands more than he's ever understood before, which interests him.

"you don't have to walk away, y/n. you don't have to understand everything at once. let me help you this time, and after you can figure it out, okay? just, come with me, and I'll be there, and I won't forget, because I want to show you I understand." he took your hand in his, signalling for you to follow.

though you are grateful he didn't make you have to answer, even though his words settled in your stomach, wrapped around your head and blinded you with something you can't put a name to.

but you did, you did follow him all the way to his bed, in silence, where it was empty and just the two of you.

you felt trepidation about what was going to happen. it clicked in your head, all the talk about loving yourself and helping you. it was scary, just because you weren't sure how you and your body would react to his hands all over your skin, when you so desperately wanted to enjoy it.

the door closed, the walls radiated silence, which bounced off of every solid thing right into your eardrum, deafening you with the loudness of it. your heartbeat felt faster than before, the skin of your hand scorching hot where he held it. his eyes burned to the back of your head, seemingly unmasking everything under the veil constructed to keep your thoughts and emotions at bay.

you tried to hide it all, the subtle excitement, the dread, worry, all the fear, the inexperience. you hoped what he planned wasn't to unmask all of it, because that means being even more vulnerable with him than you've already been.

"y/n," he called softly, your name coming from his mouth like a sweet melody, it awakened something inside of you only the soft voice of him could. it was gentle, but reassuring.

you looked at him, your full attention turned to him and this moment.

"tell me when it's too much." he caressed your cheek softly, instantly creating a hot flush on my skin. "okay?" he pushed.

you nodded, your mind too lost to form legible sentences. you couldn't think, couldn't speak, even if you wanted to. you couldn't move, unless he helped you. you didn't want it to be too much, you hoped it would be just enough.

you knew Harry, you knew he knew what you needed.

"tell me what you're feeling," he leaned his forehead against yours, pulling you even closer.

the soft heat radiating off of him was different than your friends explained, everything was so much different than your friends explained.

"tell me what you want," his lips were so close, almost close enough to feel, to taste. he pulled you even closer, you were inches apart. one hand holding your face, the other feather light on your back, almost as if he's scared to hurt you by holding you too firmly. his lips got closer, and closer, until they made the lightest contact with yours.

they were soft, and tender, and even though it was only a second, a second of his lips on yours, you felt every touch of him, you felt something that made you need him even more, that made you want his lips for even just a second longer.

then, he backed you against the bed, making you lay down and pulling him on top of you, maintaining eye contact. his hands found their way to your shirt, pausing before pulling it up.

"tell me everything." his gentle tone pulled at your heart. reason left you completely, and there was no way you would ever want to stop this moment.

"may I take this off?" he questioned, so serious, but patient, and so gentle. it made you feel so safe and cared for, so comfortable in a way you didn't think possible with anyone else.

you nodded. "yes," breathless, exhilarated, assured.

you didn't think about your insecurities anymore, or your friends, or even why and how this happened. nothing is flying around in your mind anymore except for Harry, and his bright green eyes, looking adoringly at you, while his gentle hands lifted your shirt, slowly pulling it off of you.

then, his fingers went to your pants, unbuttoning, and pulling down the zipper, taking them off of you completely.

you were left in your panties, almost completely naked in contrary to Harry, who was still fully, clothed. it was unnerving, but also exciting. knowing you were actually anticipating him taking off his clothes made you feel good.

"Harry," you called.

"yes, baby?" baby. one word. four letters. the absolute most ordinary and widely used nickname for a significant other, but still, when he called you that, in that tone, it made you want him to repeat it alongside your name for hours on end.

"aren't you going to take it off?" you asked, softly.

"I will, baby. right now." he took your hand, leading it to the hem of his shirt, helping you lift it off him. slowly, his torso was exposed. light abs began peeking from underneath, soft, roughened, pale skin, scars that littered all over his body. he was truly beautiful.

you knew he had endured a lot since he was a little boy, but for some reason you didn't think it would stay with him permanently in physical form. still, for some reason you find his scars and stories beautiful.

he was perfect in an imperfect way. his ribs were sticking out slightly, his nipples were a gorgeous pink, his neck tight and leading to a sharp and hot jawline.

you weren't sure if Harry was anxious about his appearance, but either way, you were grateful that he trusted you with this.

he, his knees on either side of you, sat upright, looking at you as if expecting a comment. a speck of dread mixed with curiosity in his eyes. with every second you stayed silent, his anxiousness worsened, probably thinking you don't find him beautiful, but in truth, you just didn't know how to express your thoughts and emotions.

"harry," you sat upright, resting on your hands. "you're even more beautiful than I imagined you'd be."

a blush spread on his cheeks, looking down. it looked like he wasn't someone who is used to getting compliments, but you hoped he knew how many people saw his beauty.

"t-thank you." he managed to reply, his face pink, looking grateful and sincerely grateful.

your hands found the button of his pants, unbuttoning them while looking at him, smiling. he took your hands in his while helping you get him out of his trousers. when his zipper was undone, you pulled them down a bit before he stood up to take it off completely, leaving you both in only your underwear.

he climbed back on top of you, brushing the hair out of your face, while his hand took yours and travelled down, and down, over your breasts and nipples until they were at your panties.

they were wet already, a huge spot of moisture visible, but for some reason you weren't embarrassed, you only felt more and more turned on.

"y/n," he breathed, looking at your panties with approval, and longing. he led your fingers inside your underwear, holding your fingers against your clit, eliciting a soft moan to escape.

"God, I love hearing those sounds, you sound angelic." he said, while moving your fingers up and down your slit, the first time you actually enjoyed touching yourself.

he let go of your hand. "keep going," he said, when you stopped moving them. he pulled your panties to the side and admired you completely. "baby, you're so beautiful." and in one second he attached his lips to your nipples, sucking and licking and teasing them until they were red peaks, switching from the one to the other.

"oh, Harry." sounds you've never heard yourself make were coming out of you in strings. Harry knew how to work your body so well, it almost felt he was made for you.

"keep touching yourself," he paused teasing your breasts, and left wet trails of kisses up your neck up until he reached your lips, where he hovered above them. "I want to hear you coming by fingering yourself."

his words shocked you slightly, expecting him to do it for you, but the you remembered him telling you he would help you, now getting the full meaning of the message.

"Harry, I can't..." you trailed off, and stopped moving your fingers, even though it felt great.

he lifted you slightly by your hips to make you sit against the headboard, spreading your knees, exposing you to him completely, the ruined wet piece of cloth pushed to the side. you were breathing heavily, anticipating anything.

"I know you can, I'll help, show me baby." he replied, whispering the last part, which only felt fitting.

so you did, you circled your clit while keeping your eyes on harry. he took your hand in his and guided you towards your release. he was on his knees in front of you, close enough you could almost taste him, which you craved in this moment of vulnerability.

you pushed your middle finger in your entrance, going deeper and deeper until your finger is completely buried. at first it felt uncomfortable, but after adjusting, it was something not like any other feeling. your slickness lessened the friction, heightening the pleasure. Harry's hand brushed your hair away from your face, holding it while moving his thumb in a gentle manner.

"I know, you can do this baby, you're doing so good." he kept whispering praises to you while watching you finger yourself, his hand releasing yours to play with your clit.

the pleasure was immense, being extra sensitive because of the time passed not having been turned on while touching. Harry wasn't even inside of you and you already understood what all your friends were gassed about.

you increased your pace, desperately chasing that release. harry watched so intently how you pleasured yourself, his fingers working your clit so well. you felt close to the edge, the tension inside of you building up quickly, coming and going in fast waves.

Harry noticed, and began kissing you intently, and when his hand went down to your nipple and began pinching it slightly, your first ever orgasm crashed into you with the force of a bomb, making your jaw drop as you cried out for Harry.

your legs were trembling, and that feeling deep in your stomach kept intensifying by every motion of Harry's finger on your clit.

you stopped moving your finger, needing a break from the intensity. arching your back slightly as you came down, Harry laid you down completely. "you were so good y/n, so good." spreading you open further, lowering his boxers and tossing them off completely.

"I know, take your time baby, I'll wait. you were so so good." he kept whispering praises to you while rubbing your face in an endearing matter.

for a second you felt disgust by what you just did climb up your throat and cloud your mind, feeling shocked by how you acted, but soon all those thoughts got crushed by the man in front of you.

being hit with the aftershocks from what you just endured, you didn't fully comprehend the situation. it was mind blowing, and you couldn't wait to discover what committing fully was going to feel like.

when he was holding himself up by his hands that were beside your head, it hit you all of a sudden, Harry was completely naked. when you looked down your breath got caught, and you needed a second to comprehend the sight in front of you.

you didn't think it was possible, but he was even more beautiful. he was so hard it almost looked painful. veins travelled the length until it reached his sensitive pink tip that had a leak of precum spilling out. he seemed nervous for your reaction, but he hadn't need to be. he was perfect.

"please, Harry." you moaned, desperate to feel him inside of you, despite knowing it will hurt.

Harry got the hint and lined himself up by your entrance. "Are you sure?" he asked before entering you.

you nodded immediately "jus- just be gentle okay?" you replied, nerves starting to gather in your stomach. his endearing look soothed them a bit though.

"of course baby, don't worry, I know it will hurt but only a bit okay?" he kissed the top of your head, then your lips, his hands, which were holding him up, now running down the length of your body, over your breasts, all the way to your thighs, rubbing up and down them. he was almost completely on top of you, saving his weight while he was on his knees, making sure not to crush you.

he held himself against you, watching you intently for you reaction while he was pushing himself in slowly, making sure to take the time for you to adjust every few inches.

it was no doubt Harry was big, especially for his built. he was long and thick, and despite him being tall and lanky, he managed to get himself a magnificent physique a lot of girls swoon over.

you loved that you got to see him like this.

at the halfway mark, you had to take a couple of seconds to adjust, subconsciously clenching and unclenching around him. pain and pleasure mixed together in a perfect fusion.

"oh, Harry." your back arched slightly, your nipples getting the friction from Harry's chest above you, his hands everywhere on your body, it was great, all of it, even if the pain overrode the pleasure in some instances, at the end it felt greater than anything you've ever felt before.

Harry's moans were something like you've never heard before. he groaned and whispered you praises, his words and sounds settling deep in your core and heart.

when you managed to relax, he began moving. at first slowly, but gradually quickening his pace.

the bed creaked, the headboard banging against the wall, but at this moment you didn't care if someone could hear, in this moment it was only you and Harry.

he moaned less, and definitely quieter than you, but somehow they were still the only thing you heard. the way his face scrunched everytime he bottomed out, or the way his hair fell in his face or the beads of sweat that was trickling down his forehead. everything about him in this moment was like nothing ever before. his hands held your hips down, flexing with every thrust. he bit his lip, seemingly trying to control himself.

"Oh God, y/n-" he kept repeating your name over and over again, and the way it sounded in that voice made your melt every time he said it. his lips found your neck and started kissing and biting and teasing the skin until you were a crying mess more than you already were.

you were screaming, crying, moaning so loud you were sure people could hear you, but you didn't care. no one made you feel like him, you deserved complete freedom during your first time.

the feel of him sliding in and out of you with least amount of friction caused by your slickness was otherworldly. the sounds of his thrusts and your wetness were definitely something you didn't expect to love to hear so much.

"you're so wet baby, you feel that- you hear that? is that what I do to you?" he kept rambling, right next to your ear.

it was hard to hear him talk so softly when the sounds of him pounding into you were so loud, but you loved hearing him talk to you like that, as if he's trying to connect with you while fucking you mercilessly.

"Harry, I- I'm close, I think." it was feeble, at best.

this was different than fingering yourself. a giant wave of pleasure rocked through you so intensely you cried out. it was too much and not enough all at once.

"let go baby, come on. it's okay, I want to hear you falling apart on my dick." his words raised goosebumps all over your skin, making butterflies flutter all around in your stomach.

his pace increased considerably, pulling out completely then thrusting into you with great force. tears sped down your face, looking completely ruined, accurate to what you're feeling.

it hurt, but in such a good way you didn't want it to end. you gripped his back hard enough to leave marks, but that seemed to drive him even more, holding you down hard enough to bruise, he drove into you with such force you were sure to hit your head if he wasn't holding you. your legs were spread widely, heightening the feeling even more, he let go of your hips, grabbing your knees and holding them up, exposing you completely, making him hit a whole different spot that left your jaw hanging.

it all happened so fast, your orgasm hit into you so violently you shook and screamed so loud Harry held his hand on your mouth.

"Baby, you're so good, you're doing so good, keep screaming, I love hearing you like this." he kept praising, holding one of your knees up while his other hand was on your mouth.

"Harry, oh, please," you kept moaning, for everything and nothing at all. it felt extraordinary, you understood the hype around sex completely, and never wanted this to end.

"I'm so close y/n, please let me come. so, so close." he said, even though you didn't ask for permission, he did, and for some reason, that turned you on even more.

"come Harry, go on." you kissed him, and in a second he came undone. you clenched around him, holding him tightly to you while he cried out, riding out his high as his pace became sloppy and his breathing uneven.

he held onto you while driving in and out of you messily. his cum filled you entirely, warming up your insides. it felt like it would never end, this endless pleasure you were both stuck in, Harry, still spilling inside of you, holding you so close waiting to be finished before he could hold you.

eventually he did, and collapsed lightly on top of you, cuddling you while you both caught your breaths and came down.

he pulled out and rested his hands on your sides, turning you so you were laying on his chest, he kissed the top of your head and pulled the covers on top of you, holding you tightly against him.

you stayed like this for a while, just sitting in a comfortable silence, basking in the endearing feeling of him against you. it felt surreal, everything about this felt surreal, and you wanted to cherish the moment for as long as possible.

after a while of comforting silence Harry spoke up, breaking the spell. "how was that?" he asked, rubbing the hair from your face so you could look up at him. "was I any good?" he blushed slightly while asking.

"Harry, I don't think I know how to explain it," you paused, trying to think of something that would be close to what you felt. "you were beyond amazing, and I don't know how to show you how grateful I am to you."

Harry seemed speechless for a couple second before he recovered and gathered his thoughts. "that's really, n-nice, I'm glad, thank you, really.I'm so proud of you. you were great, baby." and he kissed you again, then you both sat in comfortable silence again.

and for the first time you were able to feel like any other, and being vulnerable with Harry was better than anything would have been in a different situation. you loved it.

a/n: hey guys, it's been a while. I've been busy but now since it's summer break I'll *hopefully* be able to update more frequently. this may be a bit rusty, but I hoped you enjoyed it nonetheless!

I also want to say, I definitely know my previous work isn't that great, considering I'm not an actual studied author and English isn't my first language, but I write for fun and all, so I hope you will still like my work despite the many flaws! if anyone has requests/ something to say, don't be scared! I love reading you guys' messages:).

check out my Wattpad...

[orionsangel86]

So, I'm not in the Good Omens fandom, but having seen the "controversy" over a potential sex scene (or even confirmation of a sexual relationship) and it's striking me that the "asexuals vs. other queer identities" thing used by fandom puritains is LITERALLY the classic "divide and conquer" tactic used to prevent effective unity among minorities since time immemorial. By making the different letters of the rainbow alphabet fight each other, they can never unite enough to get ANY rep, and the fandom puritains are basically doing exactly what status-quo loving studios want.

Yeah this 100%.

I may have calmed down on the salty rage after getting a good nights sleep, but if there is one thing I really can't stand its the incessant infiltration of queer spaces by puritans.

I wish more people could see that the rhetoric they are parroting around the echo chamber is just anti sex puritanical conservative bullshit and not the "call for ace representation" that they think it is.

It is very much an attempt to divide the community and turn sex positive queer folk and asexual people against each other (when actually they are the same people).

Asexuality is simply a lack of sexual attraction, it is not a complete disgust and repulsion of all things sexual to the point that you must ban the entire internet for daring to think of the word sex!

Whats so funny about this is that I am totally on board with the ace Aziracrow headcanon, but these people are claiming META ANALYSIS that might indicate any hint towards sexual desire or an interest in sex between them is somehow gross and aphobic.

I dont even think Aziracrow will be having sex in s3. Its unlikely. But if they do drop a few jokes and hints about the possibility, the last thing we need is a fandom full of puritans blowing up acting like its the end of the world because two male presenting beings might have possibly fucked.

Once you peel back the layers it does end up just looking like your run of the mill conservative christian homophobia. Fandoms must become more skilled at recognising the signs of puritanical infiltration and must start fighting back and thinking for themselves rather than following the crowd because it seems like they are "supporting ace people".

Honestly I'm tired. I've been calling out this bullshit for 8 years in fandom. It only seems to have got worse.

[storkmuffin]

People not believing James and Miranda are romantic really baffles me as well. I get that its a plot twist that James loves Thomas but this isnt a plot twist where its you think person a loves person b but they actually love person c.

And like the evidence for them not being romantic is like what? That we dont really see them kiss? That the one time we are shown they are having sex its bad? Im pretty sure the sex scene is more to establish that James is not like the other pirates. And there are a plethora of reasons for why the sex was bad this one time instead of jumping to the conclusion they only have bad sex. For example james is wounded at the time. As for the kissing people dont need to kiss often to be in a romantic relationship. Anne and Jack dont kiss that much on the show either. And theres the fact everyone knows barlow is flints woman that would not have come out of nowhere.

Dont people like the poly aspect of it? Is it biphobia? I hope not because this is the best i have seen of a poly relationship in media, though I havent come across it a lot. Where i can clearly see how and why three people all love each other rather than it being a convenient way to end a love triangle where i feel like two of them dont care for each other that much.

Can I just say THANK YOU for giving me these Miranda-James thoughts? Because thank you.

Miranda Barlow and her ways of being loving, her ways of being romantic and sexual are all pretty unique and there's not a single thing about her that isn't complicated. In addition, she's a WOMAN woman, not girly, not crushing out, sexually liberated AND discreet about it, not constantly in the throes of some trembly emotion but is actually a very tough person, designed to be a fully grown lady - in sum, she's a bit hard to wrestle with for a lot of people. She's happily (very very much) married to a man and they adore each other as people AND ALSO for how they can together build a joint life they both like. There's a hard edge of pragmatism to her, which I find super hot, because I'm a hard edged pragmatic woman myself, but I think that makes it hard to see how romantic she actually is. The joy of the Thomas-James-Miranda poly connection for me is from the fact that these two men not only find her hot but they find her hardness and pragmatism hot. SO unusual. Second, she likes men who are bi, and doesn't seem to have much interest in monogamy or faithfulness at all. Again, non standard. Third, she DOES have a romantic relationship with James BUT there's always that constantly calcuating, assessing mind that she has - she approaches James because he's cute, she can tell he's a rule breaker and fucking around with rule breakers is ironically a good way to be discreet, AND she can see that he's crushing out on her husband, which she actually likes about him. She recruits James into the group project of protecting and enabling Thomas - that was part of the attraction. It's not a swooning, like, I must have you and will die without you type thing at all, which is generally the easily digestible formulation of romance. Moreover, Miranda uses sex in a variety of ways - for fun, for love, as stress relief, as a game, to make a point to a houseguest - and on pirate island she just does NOT have as many options as she used to in London, so I take it as, we saw her have "make Guthrie unhappy and I need an orgasm" sex rather than "express my desire for you" sex with Flint, which he fully accepted and uh, cooperated with.

And then there's the fact that shipping in most fandoms tends to be done by male-attracted women who want to just do yaoi (very valid, I do this in other fandoms, just not this one) and so it's kind of inconvenient to have to acknowledge that James Flint does actually have a romantic relationship with a woman and does actually have sexual attraction to women, so that may be motivating the desire to just dismiss their romantic connection out of hand.

By the way - I would recommend (unless you are a super very pro John Silver person in which case the episode comes with a warning) listening to this podcast episode made by @heycarrots (It's REALLY great, overall, as a podcast full stop). TLDR for our discussion - in that episode Dr. Tankard posits that James Flint's romantic orientation and real sex life is basically to participate in a group project - he loves being part of a group that is doing a thing, and that's where all his motivation, erotic energy, everything, comes from, and that analysis really works very well for my understanding of Flint.

[gutsfics]

can you give specific examples of what happened to help people understand what happened

this is non-extensive, just the ones i think are the most egregious of what shes done and said

i'm not sure how much of this is stuff she's deleted, as these are all from screenshots i already had on hand, but i would like to say that deleting a post doesn't necessarily mean you no longer agree with what was said in it, especially if you double down on what was said when you're called out for it. which she has done Plenty of times

and for the record, this is not something i enjoy doing. part of the reason this took me a few days to post is because this is stressing me the fuck out and ive been trying to spend as little brainpower on this as possible

First point: queerphobia in the form of homophobic jokes, sharing panphobic rhetoric, and talking for transgender people on a topic she (as far as i am aware) has no

the pelicansexual "joke" was told at the expense of Ethan and Tobias during the "Ethan Bisexuality Canonity" argument she & i got into in June (which btw i would like to apologize for starting that up, i was frustrated w pb's coddling of the cishet part of the fandom & i was having difficulty phrasing it bc of how upset i was w it. i did not mean to attack the fandom specifically but intent doesn't cover for outcome)

the pelicansexual joke was a since-deleted tag on one of her posts which went something along the lines of "my Ethan and Tobias are now pelicansexuals, which means they have to break up with [her characters] as they are not pelicans". i dont have a screenshot of this unfortunately, but i do have a screenshot of her response to an anon calling her out on it.

in case you don't understand why her "joke" was homophobic, before gay marriage was legalized in the US in 2015, a common anti-homosexuality talking point was "homosexuality being legalized is a slippery slope to bestiality being legalized". while it is good she deleted her "joke", its frankly worrying to me that when called out on it she doubled down on how she was joking when she said it, instead of listening and learning. her bisexuality and queer activism do not mean that she is incapable of saying and doing homophobic things.

the panphobic rhetoric & her talking for transgender people are, if i remember correctly, both part of the same incident wherein she reblogged something panphobic and then, when called out for it, said something that something that most trans people consider transphobic isn't actually transphobic at all

screenshot 1: bisexuality and pansexuality are two very similar sexualities, with the main difference between the two coming down to personal preference for what term you feel like best. while bisexuality does mean "sexual attraction to two or more genders", some people prefer a term that focuses on the "or more" part. neither sexuality excludes transgender people. pitting queer people against each other because theyre not the "right" kind of queer does nothing but damage the queer community as a whole

screenshot 2: agreeing to delete the post, but doubling down on what she said and refusing to listen to anon simply because they're anonymous

screenshot 3: the highlighted part is what we're focusing on here. "We don't consider cis gay men who only date the same to be anti-trans". hi, I'm a trans gay man. Yes We Fucking Do. i don't understand why she thinks she has the authority to speak on this. what "we" is she referring to here?

Second point: lack of respect or understanding of boundaries in fandom spaces, including both blocks and simply not wanting to interact with someone

i'll be honest, i'm a bit unsure if the above paragraph is the right way of describing what i mean, but she has a bit of a history of being.... openly weird about people who have blocked her for "no reason", and not only that has stated she thinks that not wanting to take place in an event run by someone you are uncomfortable with is childish

i believe the first one is about my friend Jay, who has her blocked for similar reasons that i do. while it is perfectly fine for her to assume whatever she wants about the reasoning for a block, her phrasing of "all i ever did was be supportive" in a public post about it allows her to victimize herself over a boundary being placed. speaking of Jay, Elsa has, knowing full well that she's been blocked by xim on the "peonyblossom" blog- which, again, is a boundary that has been placed- decided to message xim on the choicespride blog xe runs

the second one is specifically about a tumblr user who i do not know personally and do not wish to drag them into this as they have left the open heart fandom. she was sent an anon about this user blocking her which, yeah, is really weird and suspicious. but this isn't about that, this is about her response to learning she's been blocked. she refers to herself as this users "biggest fan" and says that it "isn't normal" to block your biggest fan. once again she is victimizing herself over a boundary someone else has placed, only this time she has done it in a post talking about a person with their username in it. when you have a blog as big as hers, people are bound to go after someone in the name of defending the person they feel was slighted

& here's her essentially calling people childish bc they might not want to interact with someone who causes them harm. iirc this was either about certain event blogs in the fandom not disclosing who's running them bc they know full well that some people might not be comfortable interacting with them (hiding ur identity will not help with that) or about people choosing not to participate because they know that the person running the event is someone they don't want to interact with. this ones just bizarre to me. no one has to interact with anyone ever, and calling them childish for it is, frankly, childish

Third point: her callout post for Jeremy and her non-apology

to get it out of the way: i'm friends with Jeremy. i'll try to keep this as unbiased as possible, but i am deeply deeply upset and frustrated with everything thats happened to rain. also, just so yall know, Jeremy gave me permission to talk about this. i'm not just dredging up old drama for drama's sake here.

first- the callout post

the thing that started this was a post to the playchoicesconfessions blog where an anonymous user said- and i'm copy/pasting it here- "Ethan said he and Tobias were like brothers. Weird how many people in the fandom want to get with their brothers.’" essentially, this anonymous user accused people who ship Ethias as being into irl incest which..... we will not be getting into all the ways thats problematic here.

(as an aside, Elsa did at some point reblog and then delete this post, but her commentary was focused squarely on "ship and let ship" which is a sentiment i agree with but she completely ignored the blatant homophobia in this post. here's a version someone reblogged from her in case you're curious as to what she said)

Jeremy reblogged this confession post and added "i genuinely hope this person and others who think like this eat a fucking bullet holy shit" specifically in reference to the anon insinuating incest. in turn, anons on rain's blog assumed rai was referring to people who don't ship Ethais and sent rain nasty messages, which rai would respond to and get more anons who saw the latest response and again assume rai was talking about not shipping a ship they ship and not the actual genuine fucking homophobia from the original confession post.

one of these anons sent screenshots of rain's posts to Elsa, without the context, and told her rai was talking about her. rai was not. not until the post where rai (rightfully, ihmo) called both Elsa and another blogger (this one who also got a similar ask about being blocked by the user i mentioned earlier but who decided to put it in the open heart tags instead of keep it on their blog the way Elsa did. that's the only props i'll give to her in regards of that- yes it was shitty she posted it in the first place but at least she didn't tag it) for complaining about and villainizing someone who blocked them.

tldr version is- Jeremy was venting about anons that were being homophobic to rain, another anon sent screenshots of those posts to Elsa without the context who who rai was talking about and said they were about her, and Elsa, without bothering to verify in any way, decided the best course of action would be to publicly call rai out, painting rain as a bully who has been targeting her specifically and once again victimizing herself. on her blog with a bunch of followers. many of whom also chose not to verify, and instead just heaped more hatred onto Jeremy's blog.

this went on until September, when they talked to each other at first with a third party go-between, and eventually person-to-person. Jeremy explained the context of the vent posts, Elsa explained that she was getting the screenshots with no context from an anon and admitted she should have verified them herself instead of going full nuclear, and they both agreed to apologize publicly

all good, end of story, right?

no.

while in Jeremy's post, rai took accountability for their side of what happened in this awful game of telephone and apologized for rains part in the whole thing. if you want to read it, here is a version of it.

Elsa, on the other hand.... well she apologized, but to be honest I'm not quite sure what for.

she says there's been misunderstandings on both parts led on by one or more anonymous sources (no arguments here), says she understands that the posts that were sent to her were not actually about her (okay good) and says that its a tough world and that she's deleted her posts.

okay.... but that doesn't specify what she did at all to need the apology. which was publicly call out Jeremy on her blog with.... well, i'm not sure how many followers she has, but i do know that she's got the most well known blog in the choices fandom. by publicly calling out Jeremy in the way that she did, she (whether intentional or not) set her followers out to attack rains blog. she did not apologize for this. asking people to stop sending hate to rains blog is not the same as taking accountability for sending those people to rains blog in the first place

so. yeah.

again, non-extensive list, but i dont wanna mention things she's done without having screenshots or links to show proof that she did it, and i dont feel like finding more of her bullshit bc this just. really fucking stressed me out.

also this isn't me saying "shes a terrible person forever and i hate her and nobody should like her ever" this is me saying "hey, shes done/said some hurtful things in the past and it sure would be cool if she acknowledged any of it" but i think coolsville sucks or whatever.

also also most importantly: its possible for queer people to say and do things that are queerphobic. being queer yourself does not give you a shield from people calling you out for that. neither does real life activism. its great that she's done real life activism! but pointing back to things you've done in the past, or for a different group of people than the one youre in does not exempt you from the harm youre causing today, to the people you're interacting with.

i dont have a proper ending to this

thanks for reading i guess

[ovenstavern]

oh. my. goodness. its like 3am in my area and i just finished a nightlong binge on the manhwa, Secret Alliance by Creator Lero. if i had to put it into a genre, i’d say its a psychological thriller, and…

ho. ly. shit.

i was never a visual novel or “comics” person, but holy fuck. this blew me away. i discovered a tik tok about it, with the nutshell plot of “stalker crossdresses as a girl to stalk his object of attraction, who is afraid of men” and quickly gained an interest. but as i read further into the manhwa, it was so much more than that.

before i get into the details, i warn that the manhwa has dark topics such as stalking, obsession, attempted suicide, assault, sexual harassment, and trauma. the ramble (and spoilers) is gonna be below the cut. stay safe and healthy yall

okay. ho. ly. shit.

so, i don’t even know where to begin. the first few chapters introduce our main characters, eun sian and chae “yuri”. right off the bat, you quickly realize eun sian’s intense fear of men. you can already tell that she has some trauma with men, and as you continue to read, you find that her paranoid mother perpetuates and reinforces that fear; a helicopter parent to the extreme.

not only that, you can immediately detect that something isnt quite right with chae yuri (even before it was revealed he was a guy).

i dont really wanna explain the whole story in its entirety, as i believe its a story best experienced. but what i will go into is the amount of love that was poured into this story. it still astounds me

the characters are complex, and their personalities and actions are deeply rooted in the trauma that they went through. eun sian and chae yuri’s relationship is so toxic and wrought with manipulation and co-dependent, and it was written so well. it beautifully illustrates how two people that come from two different, but toxic households often can find themselves in a toxic relationship for the both of them, as they have no other reference for love.

and speaking of relationships, yujin’s and eun sian’s relationship makes me want to squeal and giggle and they’re just so cute!! i loveee at the beginning, yujin subverts our expectations and ends up being a playboy who loves the feeling of being wanted. it gives him sm room for development, and makes his relationship with eun sian so much sweeter.

yujin and eun sian make a deal that he helps her get over her fear of men, while eun sian helps yunjin get together with chae yuri. in the earliest stages of their relationship, you can tell that yujin was able to ground eun sian and reassure her when needed. even beneath his playboy exterior, his caring nature shone through, especially for her. meanwhile, eun sian makes yujin want to be better for her (and if you seen a very old post, you know how i feel about that). i loved their friendship at the beginning, and i loved their romance at the end. they’re so healthy for each other and im glad they got together in the end

and speaking of the ending?????? sjdkdndkddjjdksjdsknsnz. i loved it so. much. it was just so fulfilling. i won’t spoil it, but it touched my soul to its very core, and i couldnt think of a more satisfying note to leave it off of.

the depiction of trauma felt very realistic and well written too. eun sian’s breakdowns felt so well done, and not once did it feel like the story was calling her “crazy” or “hysterical” even if other characters told her that she was. and actually, all the relationships felt so realistic, its astounding.

and the character development was so… empowering. it was amazing to watch the moments eun sian take back the parts of herself that her abusers took, it was amazing to watch yujin transform from a playboy to a golden retriever boyfriend. i just… love love love!!

i do wish they delved into yujin’s backstory a lil more, gave hyunee (the best friend) a more influential role, and did some more with yunjin’s blackmail when he found out about chae yuri, but all in all, i loved it. i started reading at 11, and kept reading til 3. its an absolute page turner, and extreme kudos to the artist(s) and writer(s)! you have my respect

to those who want to read it, the sites i read the manhwa either has a subscription service, or an insane amount of porn ads and porn pop up browser tabs. just for viewer discretion. if it sounds like yall can deal, please read! you won’t regret it. ill definitely be revisiting this manhwa again and again. its that good

have a wonderful day yall! im finally gonna get some sleep

[lanaevyssmoved]

i don't go here so i don't know anything but like. wyll & gale or emperor & gale. tee her

wyll and gale

interest level: 6/10

what i like: they look good together in the gifs and stuff i have seeeeen.... i really like gale so any gale ship gets immediate bonus points because he's there....... i think gale works very well for the princely old-fashioned romance that wyll offers and i think wyll would respond very well to gale's grand gestures and intense romance that he offers..... idk i think they'd be very wholesome and cute together!!!!

what doesn't work for me: maybe i'm toxic but its too sweet... too wholesome. i dont think gale would be toxic with wyll i think wyll would fix him. which is grand for gale. that hubris has been romanced away by acorn boy. and gale and wyll could honestly be a massive powerhouse in the duke ending because of gale's connections and wealth. but like. it's not spicy enough. i need someone to be not a great person in some way for me to really like it. but these two together are just. too nice. too good. it works TOO WELL!

gale and the emperor

interest level: 9/10

what i like: ok see now we're toxic. now i'm interest! we have so many dynamics here first of all i'm going to point out in the ending gale is the only person to actually said he will miss the emperor, which is sick. we also know from tavflayer romance that gale is not only sexually attracted to illithids but immensely fascinated by them, every part of them, wants to study them, learn their biology, get a lil mad scientist freaky about it. that's hot. emperor is ambitious and loves power, is power hungry, and will be very into you if you encourage it to seek more power, and gale's entire thing is power, getting more power being more powerful, hubris etc, and gale's domain as a god is the god of ambition. like. while gale is not stupid enough to fall for the emperors tricks, i think they could bounce off each other very well because gale does not back down from people who are more powerful than he is. as shown by his general disrespect toward raphael, an archdevil!

what doesn't work for me: no ones giffed empys sex scene with origin gale yet and i think the entire fandom should be ashamed of itself for this. including myself. nothing doesn't work it's fucking fantastic NEXT

[blackbellaswan1]

hello blackbellaswan, whitealicecullen here, and im genuinely no longer a hater but a girl supporting girls fr (i reflected on my past actions and i realised my fear of men seeped into my love/respect of trans women and caused me to unfairly equate the two, even though trans women are the exact same as cis women- i have emotionally matured and done research, this is a sincere apology). and you dont even look like bojack horseman, you look like anok yai (her eye shape/brows/ forhead esp). sorry about that time when i called you a slur, that was really bad. i'll leave you alone now. youre pretty. you dont have to respond dw and we can js block each other if you like.

and as for sorryforbleedingonyourshirt, i unfairly conflated sexual interest with gender identity in a way that was frankly homophobic towards trans lesbians- swept into the moral panic about trans women that has *no* factual or impirical basis, and i will apologise to her seperately. (she may have blocked me, in which case please tell her that my distinction between cis women and trans women that enjoy otaku culture and are attracted to women was completely untrue and unempathetic to peoples cultures and sexualities, and that i think her and her interests are perfectly fine and normal, and that my mindset was "well ive already dug myself into this hole, i cant crawl out of it, might as well js go all the way through" at the time of sending those anons, i did not even believe what *i* was saying, and i am deeply and sincerely sorry for my upsetting and untrue words, and that i am working to become *actually* inclusive of trans women this time)

i realised that i had been influenced by terfs in the feminist community and that i was not doing a good or even adequate job of barring myself against their poisionous and insidious ideology- neither of you have to forgive my horrible and transphobic words, i just hope that i no longer make you feel unsafe and that you know that i will not put other beautiful and kind trans women what i put you through. <3

(and also you were right about rape by deception not applying to trans people, because trans people are who they say they are, and that talking point was a right wing dogwhistle meant to encourage violence and trans genocide- a trans person not disclosing that they are trans is for their own safety and not for the "deception" of others)

TLDR: you were based and i was cringe

feemoid redemption arc??

well you seemed like you’ve grown and changed as a person i, monqiana blackbellaswan accepts your apology

[genderqueerbird]

How can you be aroace but also gay t4t? I'm genuinely curious. Please assume I know nothing about aspec community (because I really dont, other than asexual means someone doesnt like sex, and aromantic means someone doesnt like romance). I don't know what allo is even?! I haven't used Tumblr or any online social media for many years due to a mental health/personal crisis.

Also the reason I follow you is vaguely related to my mental health issues in a way? Bare with me.

I was trapped in a house with nothing but conservative people as my "support," and recently I broke free. And I mean FINALLY FUCKING FREE after 26 long years. My family actually broke me, and I didn't even see how bad it was until recently when I finally started to think for myself again. To make a long story shorter, I'd like to broaden my horizons by listening to more marginalized groups of people in general and changing who I am. :D

Thanks for listening 😎 I think you're awesome.

So aro & ace exist on spectrums. I’m fully asexual , and aromantic-spectrum. I don’t label myself other than “aro” tho, bc I don’t feel like using microlabels.

But, aroace people often engage in relationships despite being aroace. Some of us get into queer-platonic relationships or enter relationships and do not assign them labels.

I’m the second. I’ve been in a relationship 4 years now, but do not assign it any label side from “queer.”

And the official definitions are actually this; asexual - little to no sexual attraction & aromantic - little to no romantic attraction. Romantically, I fall into the “little” category. Sexually, I fall into the “no” category.

& “allo” is short for alloromantic & allosexual. Those words just mean “not aro” and “not ace.”

“Queer platonic” just means a committed, intimate relationship between two people that's not romantic in nature, but can include romantic components.

Tbh, I’m REALLY bad at explaining stuff :,) so id definitely check out the #aroace and #queerplatonic tags

And it’s important to remember each aroace persons position on the spectrum & experiences are different, so no two of us will have the exact same answers!

Also it’s super cool you’re free & trying to learn shout different groups! I definitely wish you luck on that journey !!

I grew up in a super conservative household, too. It was a horrible time.

[anotherghoul666]

ghoul!! bc my brain cant leave things alone i've been stuck on the masks post u made for a while ... does being attracted to things i view as "creatures" count as terato ... bc at first i was like nah i dont have that..... but here i am lmao

i also wanted to ask u what knowledge/experience u may have with solo poly? i really like the concept of it but dont actually know anyone who is rlly in the poly world

(also also ? i agree w owlish abt the anonymity thing and wanted to take a name to sort of allow the option of anonymity if thats chill w you? ideally batty or 🦇 (bat emoji) whichever one is easier)

Well, like any other kink or -philia, terato is something you get to define for yourself and chose to identify with or not. I can't decide what counts as teratophilia for you. I think the core aspect is, what do you mean by "creatures", and how human are these creatures that are objects of your attraction. Cause terato is attraction to the monstrous and non-human. But like, humanoids and human-look-alike monsters have a huge following too. Some humanoids lovers would consider that terato, some wouldn't.

Like, let's say someone's super into the idea of a shapeshifter creature. If the shapeshifter only shapeshifts into different humans, is it still a creature? Is it non-human enough? Do we ever see the "true" shape of the shapeshifter, does it even have one, or does it always need a human vesel, and if it does, is it monstrous "enough"? The concept of "enough" is up for you to decide. Some people would say loving a shapeshifter is terato by default cause monster; some would say it only is terato if it has a monstrous shape too or if it shifts into monsters and not just humans; some would say if it shifts into humans at all it isn't terato anymore. That's 100% subjective and for you to decide.

If you wanna give me examples of what these things you view as creatures are, I can give you my opinion, as in, would I define that as terato or not for myself, but I can't answer for you. (that being said, if you also just wanna share the objects of your monsterfucking attractions for the sake of sharing them and getting hype over them with someone, my inbox and/or DMs are ALWAYS open for some creature loving!!)

Now! as far as your other questions:

I have no personal experience with solo poly, because I have a life partner and I have only been in the non-monogamous lifestyle within the context of this anchor partnership + other partners that want to share my life and/or my partner's life in various ways. So I cannot comment on the solo poly experience on a level that would be satisfying or well informed enough for my standards. I,m sorry! That being said! I'd recommend getting in touch with your local poly comunity. Yes I guarantee you there's one where you are, even if you live in a small town. At the very least a bigger town nearby will have a local community, and you can reach your local people online. Us non-mono folks are everywhere. Google or look up on facebook for local poly groups; or reach out to your local queer community as we tend to have ties with the non-mono community as well; or reach out to your local kink/BDSM sommunity if you're involved in that as we also have strong ties with the non-mono community and often share sexual diversity spaces. There will be people there who can give better information about solo poly than I can.

(and for an anon name, please feel free if that makes you feel more comfortable!! I already have a bat / bat emoji anon though, so I'd advise picking another one so you two do not get confused for each other.)

[absyn-th]

what i call myself

if you got redirected here from my pinned post, thanks for being here. if you didn't, i'll say some of the stuff i said there. i call myself transfem, nonbinary, polysexual, and grey-aroace. if you dont mind the word, i'm also okay with being called queer as a blanket term, and honestly, i generally just call myself "trans and queer" to other lgbtq+ people who barely know me. i'm going to explain what each of those words mean to me, and you can use some of them, none of them, or different words for me if you want. i dont know who would want to read all this about some random person on the internet, but it's here for you if you do for some reason. think of it as "the long answer" to every time i give someone "the short answer" on what i identify as.

i call myself:

transfem+nonbinary: (and sometimes also just "gender non-conforming" or gnc) i call myself transfem as in "transfeminine", not "trans female". thats why i feel comfortable calling myself transfem and nonbinary - i would call myself feminine presenting and nonbinary identifying, or would also be comfortable with being called "fem nonbinary". i feel like i can relate to some transfem experiences and some nonbinary experiences, too, even if im not exactly like people who are binary and transfem or like people who are androgynous/neutral presenting and nonbinary. of course, some people do actually identify as nonbinary women in good faith though, and i equally say "cool" and "you do you" to those people for reasons i got into in my pinned post/will get into later. and when i dont want to have to explain all that, i just say i'm gender non-conforming, which feels fair to me - after all, it's hard to say i am conforming to any gender norm.

polysexual: (and sometimes also just "queer") this one confuses people. my partner is bisexual, and ive had a lot of people ask me why i dont identify with bisexuality or what the difference is between the two. what i usually tell them is "i'm attracted to binary women and most nonbinary people, but not binary men, and so i feel more comfortable using a title that reflects that instead of one that suggests i'm also attracted to men", but honestly, i dont care too much about the difference between the two. i've had a lot of people say that counts as bisexuality, and you might be one of them or you might not. i'm agnostic on it. like i say in my pinned post, i dont really believe it's possible to make a conclusive set of labels that perfectly cover every nuance of human experience, and i also don't think it's practical for everyone to use all the microlabels that perfectly describe them all the time even if that is possible. my decision to call myself polysexual isn't based on any arbitrary standard of the "correct" definitions of polysexual or bisexual, it's because i've decided that it's easier to explain what polysexual means to me than to explain that i'm bisexual-but-i-dont-like-guys-no-that-doesnt-mean-im-lesbian, or to explain that im lesbian-but-i-also-like-nonbinary-people and have to deal with people questioning if im using the word "lesbian" wrong. oh, and i sometimes call myself "queer" when all of that is too much to explain - but i'm less likely to introduce myself as a queer person, because i know some people aren't comfortable with the word. just know that almost every word for the lgbtq+ community has been a slur at some point, including ones that are pretty tame these days like "gay", so it's a very subjective topic and depends a lot on the person.

grey-aroace: (or "grey aro" and "grey ace" or "grey polysexual"...) my relationships with romance and sexuality have been on-again-off-again for most of my life. i don't know if i'd be comfortable with saying they're fluid, but they're definitely weaker than "normal" if you believe in such a thing: for instance, i've never had a crush on anyone, regardless of gender, and i don't start having any sexual feelings for people until we've been in a romantic or queerplatonic relationship for anywhere from a few weeks to several months. and even then, those feelings come and go. for a couple years, i obsessively searched for romantic and sexual microlabels that perfectly described that experience, but after a while i realized that most people i met had to have it explained to them what "aromantic" means, and even if i did decide on titles that were more specific than these, they would never be useful to me for what i use titles for - explaining who i am to people in the lgbtq+ community. so i just say i'm grey-aroace, if i mention it at all.

lots of things! the secret about me is that i'm very agnostic about this stuff. humans are complicated, we can feel a lot of different ways about a lot of different things, and i don't expect everyone around me to have an encyclopedic knowledge of mogai microlabels just to know who i am. i think mogai and microlabel coining are valuable pursuits and worth the time - after all, most every label i'm using now were microlabels at some point - but the truth is that most microlabels will never become widely recognized, and i don't think it will ever be possible to come up with a dictionary that describes every possible nuance of human experience, where everyone who identifies outside of that strict guidebook must be faking or acting in bad faith. by all means, we should come up with new words, and we should discuss what these words mean. but i think the most important thing about labels is giving people a banner to unite behind - a way to find other people like them, a way to come together and ask for recognition and respect from others. but nothing will ever be as descriptive, as universally understood, and as "useful" in the real world as just describing who you are, with labels - microlabels and macrolabels alike - as loose guiderails, things with flexible definitions that only give us a surface-level insight into who you are.

the important thing is: i "am" all of those things, or none of them. you can call me what you like, since words are flexible. the only thing i really am is myself - a weird, squishy, featherless biped who doesn't fit neatly into a rectangular and brightly colored box. i'm me. and you're you. no matter what words we use.

i think the world would be a freer place if we could all keep that in mind. feel free to discuss.

[mediocre-noodle]

im gonna send the character cast rq uhhmm ye

resistance

dallas (you know this guy!!! this dude!!!)

Alibi - The Jester/“Zinnia”. all pronouns. literally,, when i was thinking of the identities to give xym, i just wrote down “whoops! all gender” and i think that says a lot about rot. trans, nonbinary, pangender, pansexual, asexual, panromantic. AuDHD (autism + ADHD).

heavily implied to be in a relationship with dallas during walls arc and up to their death in the wilds arc. its all i think about. however idk how to define it. idk if theyd be in a queer-platonic relationship (which is the only one i’d give bc im projecting onto dallas and dallas is the same flavor of aroace i am). i also feel like they wouldnt use a label. theyd just be like “we are best friends. we would live for each other. we would die for each other.” maybe some kind of alterous attraction but i wouldnt know— im quoiromantic/nebularomantic (aromantic microlabels). so since i cant think of it, its just gonna be like unlabeled but Its There and its FUCKING OBVIOUS LMAO (it gets worse when i imagine the scene of: alibi bleeding out in dallas’ arms as they scream for a medic among the screaming crowd, trying not to get trappled by people scrambling for safety from the royal forces. dallas is applying pressure to the wound like skip told them. why isn’t it working? why is it not working—?!) (dallas just turned 16 two months ago. alibi was only 3 months older.)

they wouldnt actually have their title of The Jester unless i tweak some things bc those titles are from the rebellion arc, which alibi had already died and wouldnt be there for. the flower titles do have meanings though. theyre from my floriography book, i can pull it out and share if you like?

it’s legal name is charlemane, but they actually don’t mind it. dallas would call them charlie in serious moments.

Asmodae - The Shield/“Cypress”. legal name: raelynn marie hellings. she/her. cis, lesbian. autism.

largely inspired by astrid from HTTYD! the badass-ness!! the take no shit!! the snark!!! while still being kind!! aaHHABAHHS! now that i think about it, also a lil bit of natasha vibes.

they are always down to fight and WILL fuck you up. they are the protector. they are the one to confront the bully and be like “what did you say about my sibling?!”

Juno - The Dahlia. legal name: june absidee goldborne. they/she/fae. genderfae. idk their romantic + sexual orientation actually— i didnt think about it. autistic *vine boom* adhd *vine boom* anxiety *3 fast vine booms*. hispanic— one parent is something similar to mexican except mexico doesnt exist in this fictional world. i dont have a world map made. the walled-in city doesnt even have a name 😭 has either/both POTS or EDS (cant decide). uses forearm crutches and sometimes a wheelchair!

hella good sniper. the long range fighter of the group. fae is very sweet and hyper-empathetic. instead of being shy, they’re just awkward (relatable)

she’s also known as The Black Dahlia. can unassemble and reassemble a gun in *really fast time idk i dont touch guns*. mercenaries wish they were as good as them when it came to guns.

Skip - “Clematis”. legal name: silas (no last name made). he/him. cis, bisexual. autistic.

THE OLDER BROTHER YOU WISH YOU HAD. THAT I WISH I HAD. AUGH. (RIP skip actually imagine getting tortured— huh what? did i say something? :3)

he jokes around a lot, hes snarky, hes sassy, hes sarcastic, hes caring, hes protective, hes— *chokes on air*

hes the one that gave dallas the name/title striker. hes the adult that believed in dallas (older by like,, 7 or so years i think)

The Family/The Eyes

dallas!!! wooah!!

Aji (ahgee - ă-jē) - The Apogee. any pronouns. literally agender. panromantic asexual. AuDHD.

it normally takes the form of a human teenager or child. xey are older than one could imagine, as they were created when the first world came to fruition.

many actually have a betting pool on how old she is. none of them are winning.

he is very parental tbh -> “no. no, aji. we can’t take in another kid.” “BUT LOOOOKKKKK! THEY WERE ABANDONED AS A SACRIFICE TO THEIR MORTAL GODS— CMONNNNN PLEASEEEE *puppy dog eyes*” “ugh fineeeee”

seraphina! nicknamed sheriff by dallas (seraph said weird). she/they. panromantic lesbians.

as i mentioned, their backstory is dallas’ OG one— er,, a few details of it.

backstory ->

she was like. an amalgamation tbh. mostly human but has enough elf genes to perform minor spells. but then was kidnapped and was experimented on and grew wings when she was still alive. (they stuck into her death and then her ascension where she grew a total of 6 wings. thats the common wing amount for those in The Syzygy.)

there was a trafficking ring for people who were experimented on. she was one of the only older kids in the ring (that survived) so they were babysitting and im :[[[ aWHg my heart

she was sold to a wealthy rich man. the angel from original poem. the angel that saved them is Apogee? probably. or one of the Five. (these are the details from the poem) (since writing the notes ive decided its most likely aji or dallas)

Memphis. they/she/he/it. agender + pansexual. AUTISMM BRR BRR BRRR where da hoes at (/ref)

no backstory or anything theyre still new but OhhOho My goD tehyre. zjsnsjsnntheyre so pretyt theyr Hot- theyre AHHWHSB /p.

RAHHHHHHHHH

these guys look SOO COOL!!!!!!! i want to befriend tgem ALL……….. im obsessed with aji’s design :000000

i want to give them all a big ol hug

[olivieraa]

I'm at such a weird, weird place mentally. Like I'm just kinda floating around. And there's posts I wanna make about my feelings on specific things

Women for example

Rad-feminism seems very pro women, which is great, bc nothing else has ever been pro-women. Lib-feminism was anti-women without me knowing it during the years I was a libfem (again, didn't know I was a libfem, didn't even know there were different types of feminism)

And I was surrounded by only libfems. The most vocial obviously being Americans. And no matter how anti-American these American libfems are, they're still so insanely unaware how American they still talk and act, like the world revolves around them. Every single American friend I had on here had similar ways they wrote and spoke, just blissfully unaware that not everything that happens there happens elsewhere.

But anyway, yeah, I was very very VERY pro-women. To the point I felt like I was annoying. Esp when it came to violence against women. I was the only one in my corner being as anti violence against women as possible. Friends would "like" my posts, but a like doesn't always mean agreement. A like can just mean "I am a friend and I saw your post" or "hey I dont agree but I'm liking your post cause I want you to know I read it", etc.

I was rooting for women in every libfem way as well tho (tho I dont think these actually are pro-women), from being pro-stripper, to pro-porn star, pro-prostitution, pro-bdsmer, all these things. Always prioritising the women's choice and voice.

And then I... had an odd year. I moved away across the country for college. And I was in a dorm. And I honestly cant even explain how much I wasn't myself when I was there. I drank a lot, and I had an on and off again thing with what you would basically describe as an MRA. And had sort of a threesome with him and one of his female friends (and when I saw that he was an MRA, lets just say I was shocked he even HAD one female friend, a black liberal af feminist). Oh, and she loved being hurt during sex (not that I did it, he did).

Why the fuck did I partake in being with this guy? And anything he did? Honestly, I feel like I'd need to bring an essay into a therapist to explain it and I still dont think they'd understand.

Like, ok... how to even sort of explain. Gender posts and sexuality posts have been cringy for a long time now. With people making up a new type for each per day. From being cloudgender to acronymsexual. Its insane.

But......... I've never... ever related to someone's sexuality before. I dont relate to being straight, lesbian or bi. And I thought pansexual fit until but Ive heard 5 different definitions for it and then asexual but Ive heard about 50 definitions for that so I've never been able to explain it.

What I experienced during that odd year was an attraction to the freedom I was experiencing. The location I was living in. Not... the people I engaged in sexual acts with. I projected these things onto them. I projected my freedom onto human people, especially the guy, and became kind of addicted to being around him, despite knowing deep down I didn't like him as a person. I kept questioning why the fuck a feminist like me would go near someone who stood for everything I hated. He made me hate women. He made me jealous of other women.

And it took about 2 years before I started feeling normal again after this happened. To not look at women with this hatred. (and yet, still remained protective of women, but also extremely jealous and always wondering "oh I bet HE would be attracted to her" and "oh she's SO doing that for male validation")

So I recovered from that weird year, but... I never went back to myself before that year. Which is why not even radical feminism fits me. Women... annoy me too much. I literally cant keep defending them and boiling it down to internalised misogyny and heteronormativity still being so prevalent.

I was there when TikTok started. Two years before it blew up. And it was thanks to that male from that weird year. He showed me what he looked at and it was very VERY anti-women. At the time there was about 12 tiktok trends, yeah, ONLY 12. And most were about sexualising women or telling women to get back in the kitchen, or hurting women. And women and young girls were the ones predominantly taking part in them. Belle Delphine was rising on there, this woman who is so anti-women and perpetuates the worst misogyny and is causing women to hate themselves, but rad feminism will tell me "oh its not her fault tho!"

No......... no it is her fault. I absolutely cant stand her. And any woman like her. For women like her I truly dont believe in the idea that she's being socialised to act like that. She absolutely loves making fun of women and making men happy.

And unfortunately in this day and age, its so insanely common. Women are constantly defending and sticking up for men, during a time when their eyes should be waaaaaay more fucking open by now. So I just cant do it. I cant love women like I used to. I'm still as protective over women as I was, but liking them... is a different story.

I'm hoping I'm going through a phase. And I'll be different in 2 years. And regret this mindset and making a post like this. Maybe my judgement is clouded, and I need to start seeing other things, to bring me to a more radfem mindset. But I'm defo not a libfem, and I lean into radfeminism, but I defo cant be one, unless I combat this hurdle.

I dont like women that much, but I cant stand men. That's where I'm at.