#actually haileys the one who really loves him lets be honest

[emberfrostlovesloki]

Eclipsed [Hotch x Reader]

Photo credits: Left (@without-ado) Center (@sadgirlzluvdilfs) Right (Google)

Prompt: A one-shot about how the reader saved Aaron from a date gone wrong and when Aaron, Jack, and the reader go to see the solar eclipse together. 

Pairing: Aaron x fem presenting reader. The reader uses she/her pronouns. 

Category: Hurt/comfort/fluff (at the end)

Word Count: 6.6K 

Content warnings: Mentions of a break-up and cheating (reader), mention of alcohol and drinking, there is an inebriated person (they are safe), unwanted touch (on the chest [Hotch]), mention of extremist ideologies, mention of bombings, death by bomb (unsub and victim), religious intolerance (religion not specified), veterans issues, slight body image issues (Hotch), slight depression (Hotch and reader), mention of drugs, therapists. Post - Hailey’s passing. Let me know if I missed any.

A/N: Hi loves. It’s time for another meet-cute one-shot. This story is based on the fact that I got to see the solar eclipse two weekends ago. It’s also inspired by @imagining-in-the-margins and her awesome Meet Cute Writing Challenge. The prompt I went off of was: Characters are both stood up at the same date spot. I also want to thank Rome @criminalskies who I bounced this idea off of. Their comments helped build up this narrative. Also, this fic takes place a few years after Hailey’s death. Those who know about astronomy will know that those in Virginia would not actually see the full eclipse, but please just suspend your belief in reality for the sake of the story. I hope you all like this story, and if you do, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! I hope you all have a great Tuesday - Levi 

List with all stories 

y/n = your name 

y/f/a/d = your favorite alcoholic drink

l/n = your last name 

e/c = your eye color - aka green eyes, brown eyes, hazel eyes, etc, 

y/n was nursing an old-fashioned and bruised ego. It had been half an hour, and “Jake” hadn’t shown up for their date at the bar. She had done all the things that those trying to get back into dating recommended: Pick good realistic pictures, be honest about expectations in the bios, and actually get out there on dates. Because generally, relationships were rarely made solely online. One had to actually go out and meet the guy or girl that had piqued the person’s interest. y/n had gone as far as Facetiming Jake to make sure he wasn’t a catfish. Something about his pictures looked a little too good to be true. But he had been real, and y/n was honestly surprised that he had shown an interest in her.

y/n had agreed to meet him at his favorite bar downtown. She half agreed to see if Jake was pulling her leg. y/n had not been very successful in her dating life. There had been a few flubbed relationships in college and then she had thought she had met the love of her life. It had started out as long distance, but she and her partner had met in person and sparks flew. They had committed and a year later they were engaged. She really thought she was going to have it all. ‘You stupid idiot,’ y/n’s inner monologue chided. y/n took another sip of her drink. She had moved to D.C. for them. It was at that point that she realized that her supposed faithful lover had been cheating on her for five months. And there she was in a new city, looking for a new job, and in some of the worst emotional pain of her life. It had taken her a full year to recover from the hurt and betrayal. y/n now looked at love with a bitterness that she never thought would happen to her. She never thought she was going to grow up to be a cat lady, and as relaxing and unbothered as that life sounded like, part of her still longed for a soft and gentle love. For someone to lean on. 

As y/n finished her drink, her gaze fell back to the bar. She cringed at what she saw. It had been happening for the last half hour and it was like watching a trainwreck. She wanted to avert her eyes, but she couldn’t look away. It had started when the very handsome man had stepped into the bar. He was tall and gave off a commanding aura. y/n had rolled her eyes at her brain's choice of words. At this point, she checked the door every time someone came in to see if it was Jake. He was already ten minutes late. But it wasn’t Jake, it was this tall, fit man in a suit and tie that she thought might be Dolce and Gabbana. ‘Out of your tax bracket,’ she thought. y/n tore her eyes away from the man and pulled out her phone to text her date. When it became apparent to her that he wasn’t coming, she got a drink for herself. She’d driven twenty minutes to get here after all, so she was going to enjoy it solo. As she turned back to her spot, she saw the man again. He was seated at a table like hers. He also seemed to be waiting for something. As she passed him, he turned his wrist to look at his watch again. y/n clocked the Rolex, and she was starting to feel a bit jealous of whoever was supposed to be joining this stranger. She huffed at herself. As y/n sat and took a sip of her y/f/a/d she thought, ‘You really need to work on your negative self-talk.’ It took a few more minutes before the attractive man’s face seemed to fall into a morose expression. y/n hadn’t seen the man smile yet, but his face was more somber now than it had been before. He was also looking at the door from time to time, and y/n genuinely wondered if he had also been stood up. She couldn’t help but think, ‘Well whoever stood this guy up is a real dummy.’ 

A few minutes later, the man got up and moved to a seat at the bar instead. The place was crowded. She assumed he did this to make room for a group that had just entered the establishment. This meant the man was kind and had a taste in fashion. Double whammy. The trainwreck part of the night started when a woman, who was clearly a few drinks in, started hitting on the man. The inebriated woman had ordered a drink and made a comment about “How such a hot guy was at a bar alone?” The man had politely answered but showed no interest in a continued conversation. The woman did not pick up on these cues. The man declined when the woman asked to buy him a drink and to have him join her at her table upstairs. Finally, the woman went away, and the man looked relieved. But if anything, apart from the fact that the woman had probably had one too many, was the fact that she was relentless. She had come back and tried to convince the man two more times to join her or go home with her, or any assortment of awkward pick-up lines and lewd suggestions she could think of. Given what he was enduring, the man was handling the situation with incredible grace and decorum.

y/n actually felt a small bit of pity for the drunk woman. She didn’t have her full faculties and if she had that much to drink, she might be throwing herself at the man just the same. And now the woman was back for a third time. And this time she was getting handsy. It was at this that y/n felt discomfort. The man was firmer now, but the woman’s hands continued to feel over his shoulders and chest. The man looked around uncomfortably, and y/n thought, ‘Would someone stop this, please!” y/n clearly realized that if someone was going to stop what was happening at the bar, then it was going to have to be her. A wild and outlandish idea hit her, and she couldn’t believe she was actually doing this. She stood and approached the pair. y/n cleared her throat and stood next to the man, separating him from the woman. She placed her hand on his shoulder. As he looked at her, she stated, loudly enough for the other woman to hear, “Hey, honey. Sorry, it took me so long to get here. The traffic was terrible getting into the city.” 

Aaron was suffering. The latest case had been rough. The unsub was a veteran who had fallen on hard times and had started using drugs to cope with the trauma he had endured during the first invasion of Iraq. Along with the drugs, he had started to form delusions and fallen into some extremist conspiracy theories. The man had started bombing churches, and at the last minute, the team was able to save a religious building from imploding. And Aaron was relieved by this, but he had made a bad call. He fully assumed that the unsub would give up and get the treatment he desperately needed if the man’s former commanding officer gave the unsub orders to stand down. The man did seem to give up, but at the last second, the unsub approached his old superior. He pulled out a trigger and set off a pipe bomb that he had hidden in his cargo pants; killing himself and his former officer instantly.

The team was lucky that the area was cleared by the bomb squad because the blast was so strong that it shook the ground and knocked out the glass windows two buildings away. And now Aaron had to live with his choice to send an active duty and decorated military officer into that situation. He had gambled and lost. After that, there had been piles and piles of paperwork, and a reprimand from Strauss about his ability to do his job well and lead the team. There was also a piece in the news highlighting the team's failure. Hotch had made sure that any heat the team took from the public was aimed at him. They hadn’t been the ones to make the call. He had. And yes, the paperwork, reprimand, and public disapproval were annoying, but it was never going to be enough to make up for the loss of life. After this, Aaron actually felt like he understood how Gideon had felt those many years ago in Boston. 

Hotch had completely forgotten that he had agreed to meet a woman he was talking to on a dating app three days after he had returned home from the case. She had texted him in the morning asking if they were still on. He felt like it was too late to cancel on the woman, so he agreed even if he really wasn’t feeling it. He planned to fake it on the date, gently let the woman down, and then delete everything off his phone when he got home. He wasn’t in a place to be in a relationship right now. Aaron was glad when his date didn’t show up. Once what felt like an appropriate time had passed for him to sit at the table for two, he got up and moved to the bar. He did like this bar, which is why he had suggested it in the first place. Hotch would never be a man to drown his sorrows, but tonight, after everything that had happened, he allowed himself to have a drink alone. Then a different kind of discomfort from being stood up appeared, as a woman approached him. Aaron did everything he could to let her down and get her to leave him alone with his thoughts. The logical side of Hotch’s brain told him to get up and leave, but some maladapted piece of him told him that this was some sort of cosmic justice for his mistakes. He was uncomfortable when the woman started touching him, and at this point, with no other solution in sight apart from fleeing the scene, he got ready to close out.

When another woman approached him and stood between himself and the person who had essentially been groping his chest. He felt even more apprehensive. But when the new stranger said, “Hey, honey. Sorry it took me so long to get here. The traffic was terrible getting into the city,” he blinked a few times in confusion. It took him a beat to realize what the new person was offering; a lifeline. Hotch immediately played along and said, “Now worries, darling. I’m just happy you got here safe. I know it can be a long commute.” The woman gave him a reassuring smile, and he continued, “How about we find a place that’s a little more private?” The woman nodded, and Aaron got up from his seat. The other woman who was still standing close by looked crestfallen, as the two of them moved across the room to the table y/n had been sitting at before. Aaron, having the opportunity to really make this look real of the woman still standing at the bar, ghosted his arm behind his savior's waist. He didn’t actually make physical contact with her body. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, or for her to think that he was some creep taking advantage of her kindness, but he faked it well enough, and the woman at the bar made a hasty retreat upstairs. 

At the table, they both sat down for a second, and Aaron sincerely said, “Thank you. I was really at a loss back there.” The woman gave him a small smile and replied, “I’m happy to help. I can’t believe that actually worked. It felt like being in the scene of a romcom.” For the first time that evening, Aaron smiled. It was small, but it was still an actual smile. He extended his hand and said, “Aaron, Hotchner.” The woman took it and replied, “y/n, l/n.” There was a moment of silence and then the woman said, “Aaron huh. I kind of pegged you as a Thomas.” Again there was another silence and Aaron looked at the table and asked, “I’m sorry, am I in someone’s seat? Are you waiting for somebody?” y/n seemed to deflate at this and said, “No. The man who was supposed to be meeting me made it pretty clear that he wasn’t going to show up forty minutes ago when he was allegedly arriving.” Hotch let out a breath and said, “Well, you’re not alone in that.”

Hearing this response confirmed that Aaron had been stood up like she assumed. y/n replied, “Sometimes I really can’t stand the idea of dating anymore.” Aaron heard the sarcastic bite of the statement, but underneath there was a real note of sorrow. He took a moment to look over y/n carefully. For someone that had their date ditch them, y/n seemed nonplussed, comfortable even. She was leaning against the back of her chair with one hand slung over the back. She had an air of disinterest like nothing could bother her. Somehow Aaron didn’t believe the persona she was exuding. He looked over her face. It was too dark in the bar for him to see if her e/c's were dilated or not. Whenever Hotch made a close observation of those he got close to, especially women.

They had some kind of attraction tell. He couldn’t figure out why exactly. What they saw in him apart from his height which he knew some people were attracted to. Other than that, he was rapidly approaching middle age, his crows-feet stated that clearly to the world. And though he tried to stay active between cases, taking care of Jack meant less physical activity, and that showed on his body. He didn’t hate himself or anything, just that he thought he could be improved. Aaron snapped to the present when y/n said, “I’m going to grab another drink? Do you want something?” Hotch thought for a second. In y/n’s offering to get him a drink was an invitation for him to stay a bit longer. He didn’t want to intrude, but talking to y/n meant he couldn’t hold a pity party for himself. He also wanted to see if y/n really was as nonchalant as she let on. He cleared his throat and said, “Yes. A gin and tonic, please.” y/n nodded and moved back to the bar. 

As she went to get a second round of drinks, she could still feel how Aaron’s warm eyes had been looking at her -- deeply, like he was trying to solve a puzzle. She hadn’t fully expected him to accept her offer for a drink, but she had asked because she wanted to spend a few more minutes with him. Because she didn’t expect to spend a lot of time with anyone like this again in a long while, so why not go out with a bang? Also, there was the fact that he was very attractive. The closer he got to her, the better he looked. As she waited for her order, she casually looked back at Aaron, and he seemed to have drifted to a distant place. She frowned. Like this, he looked sad. She wondered what was bothering him so much. Before her breakup, people had told her that she wore her heart on her sleeve, and she was a fool for doing so. After the cheating incident, she had buried that part of her deep inside. But sometimes it came out. When she was sad or needed comfort, or she saw someone hurting. The bartender called for y/n, and she took the glasses in her hand. y/n moved back to the table and she set down their drinks. She was about to sit down, but a noise from behind her caught her attention. 

Aaron sat straighter when y/n came back. He said, “Thank you,” and he watched as y/n pulled out of her chair. He watched as the woman who had been hitting on him seemed to be getting ready to leave. She was on unsteady feet and had her keys out. She kept jiggling said keys as she moved toward the door. Hotch frowned and thought that he should do something. Before he could, y/n quietly said, “Excuse me.” y/n turned and moved a few feet across the floor to the woman. Aaron was close enough to the pair to hear y/n say, “Hey ma’am. Miss.” The woman attempting to leave turned and moved toward y/n. y/n put a steadying hand on the woman’s arm and said, “Hey again, you’re not going to try and drive home right?” The woman slurred but affirmed that was her plan. y/n nodded her head no, and replied, “No. I don’t think you should drive. Let me get you an Uber or a cab?” The woman replied, “‘Is only a few blocks down. I’m okay.” y/n replied encouragingly, “Great, if it’s close, then an Uber can get you there in no time and it won’t be expensive. I don’t want you driving. It’s not safe for you.” y/n pulled out her phone and after a second, asked the woman for her address. It took the woman a moment, but she finally thought of it and punched it in on y/n’s phone. y/n double-checked with the woman that this really was her address before punching the request ride button.

The Uber was only two minutes away, and one of the bar's employees offered to walk the woman out once he had the license plate written down. When this was done, Aaron watched as she moved back to the table. When she sat down again, she said, “Sorry about that.” As she took a sip of her drink. He said, “Don’t be. That was very kind of you.” For the first time that night, those words seemed to get to the woman. She flushed slightly and let out the smallest of exhales. And maybe, just maybe he had been right about her not being as aloof as she let on. y/n replied, “Honestly if you left me in this bar for another two hours I might be acting like her.” She paused and tacked on, “I have acted like her, many, many years ago.” Aaron and the y/n spoke for the remainder of their drinks. They talked about easy topics like bands and the weather. Aaron shifted the conversation away from work. He was having an enjoyable time, and he didn’t want to have to think about his job right now. There would be plenty of time for that when he got home. As the two parted ways, neither expected to see the other ever again. 

It wasn’t until next month that their paths crossed again like figure skaters on a frozen lake. Aaron was feeling much better. Less despondent. The team had really bolstered around him. They weren’t clingy, because they knew he hated that, but they had been understanding, compassionate even. Hotch was gearing up for another Monday in the office. He was just taking off his two guns and placing them along with his keys and sunglasses in a plastic container. His briefcase and duffle also went into a tray that would go through security. The security guard motioned for Aaron to move through the metal detector which he did. And as he did every day he was in the office, he lifted his arms slightly as the guard patted him down the chest and legs. This was an obvious security need for the job, but he didn’t always like it. He didn’t get a lot of physical contact, and this didn’t exactly cut it for comfort. But it was always quick, and he would grab his things and pretend that it didn’t bother him.

Aaron looked up when he heard Daryl Jones's deep baritone voice coming his way. Agent Jones was the Unit Chief for the Drug and Firearm unit like he was the Chief of the BAU. The two teams intersected on cases every now and then. Aaron was never not surprised by Jones’s deep voice. It was the deepest voice he had ever heard. There was another voice too. Much lighter in pitch and tone. Hotch looked up and was surprised to see the woman who had helped him during the uncomfortable encounter at the bar. He wracked his brains for her name, and after a moment it came to him; y/n. The security guard let him go, and Aaron quickly took his things and moved toward y/n and Jones. As he drew nearer, y/n looked over to him and the surprise on her face must have looked like he had moments earlier. She looked over his badge. Rather awkwardly, y/n extended her hand and said, “Hello again, Aaron.” Hotch took her hand and replied, “Good morning, y/n. Is everything alright?”

Jones looked between the two and asked, “Agent Hotchner, do you know Ms. l/n?” Aaron could sense that y/nwas slightly embarrassed, and he answered quickly, “We’ve met once before.” Jones nodded and y/n looked up to Aaron and answered his question saying, “I think everything will be alright. Thanks to Agent Jones.” Daryl replied, “Well, I’ll do what I can, and if you see anything else suspicious or troubling please come and see me again, alright?” y/n nodded and said, “I will, thanks.” Jones nodded and gave the woman a reassuring pat on the shoulder. As she moved forward, y/n turned back to Aaron and said, “It was good to see you again Aaron.” With that, she moved through security and out the doors of the bureau. 

Hotch watched, as she left, and he turned back to Jones and asked, “What was that all about?” Jones moved with Aaron back toward the elevators and said, “You know about the Menendez cocaine ring we’ve been trying to crack?” Hotch nodded yes, but wasn’t sure how this factored into the discussion of y/n. All the Unit Chiefs met weekly and updated the others on what was happening, and if there was any need for the teams currently working on a case to cross-coordinate. Jones’s team had been after a drug cartel for months, but every time they got close, the leads seemed to disappear. Jones had started to believe that there must be someone on the inside who was either FBI or police. As it turned out, Daryl might be right as he said, “Well Ms. l/n was trying to file a report about some drug activity. Janet, my liaison had asked her why she didn’t go to the police, and l/n stated that she had seen an officer she knows works for the city going into the house allegedly selling drugs.

She was scared that if she reported it to LEOs, there might be repercussions.” Aaron processed the information. y/n was right to avoid the cops if she expected them to be involved. There had been many cases where those supposed to be protecting and serving, overstepped those boundaries. Jones continued his story and said, “When Janet heard the part about the potential police involvement, she brought me in on the conversation. I asked Ms. l/n a lot of questions. She was very patient. And by the end of that conversation, I’m pretty sure we have a good lead for Menendez.” Hotch let out a breath.

For a second a flash of fear for y/n moved through him. Having her, or anyone living near illegal activity was dangerous. Doubly so now that she had made a report about it. Aaron pushed that thought aside. As unfortunate as it was, he didn’t have the time to be worried about everybody. If he did there would be no time to get any work done. It was good that the Menendez case was getting some new life, and Aaron said, “It’s good you have a new lead. I understand that the case has been ongoing for a while.” Jones sighed and said, “Tell me about it.” There was a moment of silence as the men got on the elevator and pushed their floor buttons.

Daryl looked over to Aaron and asked, “How do you know y/n exactly;?” Hotch flushed briefly and said, “We just ran into each other last month. I don’t know her personally.” Hotch was glad that Jones was not a profiler, because if he was, his colleague might see how his body was softly saying, ‘But you want to know her personally.’ Aaron sighed and exited the elevator on floor six. He moved past the bullpen and up to his office. As he sat, he couldn’t deny that y/n was beautiful. She had been dressed up at the bar. She had been expecting a date after all. But today she was dressed more casually and it looked good on her. Aaron let out a breath and settled into his chair. It was going to be a day full of paperwork, and with head a bit aflutter, he didn’t mind the mindless work for once. 

The next time they met would be the one that started their relationship. Aaron was sitting in the waiting room to be called back by his therapist. Strauss had required him to attend seven therapy sessions after the bombing incident. She didn’t want a repeat of Gideon. Aaron had gone and talked about what had happened. Talked about his feelings. It was awkward, but he knew why he needed to go. When the required sessions were over, he decided to continue with a different therapist. Someone who might better address his personal needs and complicated past. That was how he met Dr. Chekov. At the consultation, Aaron felt good, and the therapist agreed to take Aaron on as his client.

Now they met monthly on Tuesday evenings after he was finished with work. Aaron was grateful to have a safe space to air his emotions and thoughts about the past and present. He thought it was doing things to better his mental health. He had slowly stopped beating himself up about his body. He was now working through the grief that was losing Hailey. It was some of the most painful work he had done, but it was necessary. He knew that he couldn’t carry that hurt forever. At least not how it was now. Aaron checked his watch. Dr. Chekov must be running over with another client. Hotch’s eyes raised to the door as the bell went off. His eyes widened when y/n walked through the open door. He thought, ‘You have to be kidding me.’ The office space housed multiple therapists, so it wasn’t surprising that someone else would be waiting in the waiting room, but it was surprising that y/n would end up in the same building as him, again. 

y/n checked in for her appointment with her therapist. She had to reschedule her appointment due to a work emergency. Her therapist, Dr. Glen, had been very accommodating and had slipped her in at a later time that week. She turned once she had handed the form to the receptionist to find a seat while she waited. The office was pretty empty, but her eyes caught onto Aaron’s, and she let out a small breath of surprise. She could see that he was just as surprised as her, and y/n smiled and moved to sit next to him. She pointed to the chair adjacent to his and asked, “This seat taken?” It was a rhetorical question. Hotch chuckled at her inquiry. The office was virtually empty. He replied, “I think it is.”

y/n sat next to him, and as she put her purse on the ground their shoulders touched. Feeling the warmth of her body, even for a moment, made him flush. When y/n righted, she looked at him and said, “It’s nice to see you again, Aaron. What a surprise it would be here. How have you been doing?” y/n thought back to the first time they had met and how he had looked so deeply saddened. As she looked him over, she thought he looked better. More relaxed. It made her glad. Aaron replied, “I’m doing better, I think. I’m trying.” Hotch could see that she was really looking at him. That she cared about what he was saying. After a beat, he asked, “How are you, y/n. How are things in your neighborhood? I might have asked Agent Jones about what was going on when I saw you at the bureau.”

y/n flushed when she heard that Aaron had checked in on her. She cleared her throat softly and said, “I’ve been alright. I’m kind of going through something, thus the therapy, but otherwise, I’m well. And it’s the same with the neighborhood. There are still people coming and going at all hours of the night. I just avoid any interaction with them as Agent Jones suggested.” Aaron nodded and said, “Good. If you ever feel unsafe please just leave. Come to the bureau again and Agent Jones can help you figure something out.” Hotch thought about how she was going through something, and he wanted to ask what it was. But he didn’t want to pry or bring up bad memories for y/n. y/n similarly wanted to ask Aaron about working in the FBI, but she didn’t know how much he could talk about his work given its sensitive nature. So they sat there in silence until y/n finally asked, “Aaron, would you like to get coffee with me sometime?” She sounded rather embarrassed as she asked.  She smiled again, brightly as he said, “I’d like that, y/n.” 

They had gone to coffee, and neither of them approached it like a date, but by the end of the two hours of just talking, it was clear to both of them that there was a connection between them. Then they had gone rock climbing at y/n favorite gym, and she had complained about how unfair it was that Aaron could get routes in so few moves due to his height. She also didn’t really believe that he hadn’t done a significant amount of bouldering before that night. When he teasingly said that he really didn’t practice beforehand, she could only assume that he was very athletic, and a man of many talents. Then they had gone to dinner. And y/n met Jack when they watched a kid's movie together. And the love bloomed between them. Aaron hadn’t told the team about them yet, but he was going to ask if y/n would like to join him at Rossi’s next party. It would be an easy way for her to meet the other important people in his life. But for now, they were cruising down the highway to get to a park a half hour out of town.

Aaron hoped it wouldn’t be too crowded. When y/n had said she was excited to see the eclipse, Aaron had suggested they go together with Jack and make a day of it. y/n had readily agreed. Aaron was keeping his eyes on the road and playing some soft jazz at a low level. y/n was half-turned in her seat talking to Jack about school and soccer. When they arrived at the small park, y/n and Aaron were relieved to see that there weren't many cars in the lot. y/n helped unbuckle Jack while Aaron carried the cooler from the back of the car. Aaron had brought some sodas for them to drink while they waited for the solar event. y/n had also packed them some sandwiches and chips to snack on for lunch. 

The group found a clear spot on the grass. There were a few other families and a couple or two scattered around the field. Jack was restless and asked, “What’re we waiting for Daddy?” Aaron looked over to his son and said, “Well, in around an hour something is going to happen to the sun. It will get kind of dark. We even have some special glasses so we can look at it while it happens.” Jack seemed to understand a little and said, “What happens to the sun? Is it fast?” Aaron looked over to y/n. She knew more about this than him.

y/n beamed at Jack and moved to sit in front of him. She explained, “Well, you know the sun and moon right?” Jack nodded eagerly. y/n continued, stating, “Well there are some special times when the moon actually gets in front of the sun. It looks like a ring in the sky. It’s kind of like magic.” Jack’s eyes grew wide and he asked, “Why is it a ring?” y/n tried to think about how to best answer. After she found the words, she said, “The sun is a lot bigger than the moon, so when the moon is in front of the sun, you can still see some of it. Isn’t that cool?”

Aaron watched on with a smile at y/n’s enthusiasm and Jack’s attention. As much as his son seemed to want to see the eclipse, he was a six-year-old, and he got restless quickly. Aaron had brought a soccer ball in case this happened. The two played around the field while y/n watched on. She watched while she was lying on her stomach, head propped up in her hands. A gentle smile was on her face. She loved looking at Aaron like this. He was so good with Jack. After he had told her about Hailey’s death, she understood why he was so protective of his son. Why the love was compounded in him. The man had lost someone so painfully. When y/n thought about the hurt that he had endured, she still ached for him, even though he was happy and smiling now. She could never replace what Hailey had been to him, and they were too early in their relationship to think about marriage, but she was glad she could bring Aarons some comfort and joy. 

As it got closer to the eclipse, y/n gave everyone their special glasses. They all looked up to the burning star in the sky that was slowly beginning to be covered by the moon. It wasn’t until about another fifteen minutes that the moon was almost entirely eclipsing the sun. And then it happened. The moon centered in front of the sun, and the star made a perfect bright ring in the sky. Aaron looked at the phenomenon for a moment longer before he turned his face to Jack and y/n. He slipped off his glasses and saw the awe on Jack’s face. His gaze then fell on y/n and he felt such a warmth looking at her that the sun being blocked out didn’t even make the world feel cold or darkened. Because when he looked at y/n it was like he was looking at his own personal star, and they were gravitationally pulled to each other. Aaron thought about how the moon had slotted perfectly in front of the sun, forming that ring in the sky. How he felt like his life was coming full circle. The last three years had held such change. There was the pain of losing Hailey and caring for Jack, and he didn’t know how he could go on. And then, like a shooting star y/n had crossed his sky, and he thought that he would never see her again. But he had, and now he had found happiness again. A lasting happiness that no cloud or moon could hide. 

After the eclipse, they all had their lunches and then piled back into the car and drove home. Jack quickly fell asleep in the back seat, and y/n moved her hand to his thigh, resting it on the soft flesh. Back at his apartment, y/n moved Jack to his room and tucked him in while Aaron emptied the water and ice from the ice chest in the small front yard of his apartment. When he stepped back inside, he found y/n seated on the couch, and he moved to her. He sat near the edge of the couch and opened his arms for her.

y/n nestled into his arms and chest, and he snaked his arms around her back. One of his hands rested on her lower back and the other was softly stroking the area between her shoulder blades. y/n relaxed against him and hummed contentedly. Aaron quietly asked, “Is Jack still asleep?” He could feel her nod her head yes against his chest, and she replied, “Yes. He’s out like a light. I think this was a pretty exciting day for him.” Hotch moved his hands to her hips, and he set his head back a little to rest on the side of the couch. At this angle, he could see some of Jack's door and the hallway that led to his room. The feeling of y/n resting on him was never going to get old to him. It brought him such comfort. After a short silence, he asked, “Did you enjoy today? I know you were looking forward to it.” _y/n_ replied, “I really did. I love spending time with Jack, and you of course.” As she spoke, her hands made their way to his chest and then slowly down his stomach.

Aaron closed his eyes at the warmth that seeped through him. She continued talking, saying, “I think it’s so amazing that we live on this speck of dust in an infinite universe, and we get to get to see it working. I think that’s pretty special.” Hotch hummed his agreement. He loved it when she spoke like this. Honest and slightly rambling, but fully from the heart. When she had told him about the person who had left her bitter and emotionally broken, he could understand and empathize. But when she spoke like this, he knew that she was coming back to herself. That she was comfortable sharing her heart with him. y/n slipped her hand under his polo and he sucked in a breath. Her fingers gently moved over his abdomen. y/n used her middle finger to swirl the trail of hair that started at his belly button and grew lower down his navel.

Her touch wasn’t sexual, though it could be if they wanted it. But of course, they would never do that with Jack so close. The contact was just to let Aaron know that she was here. _y/n_ found her voice and said, “It was also beautiful. It’s unique. There’s nothing else like it in the universe, and I love it very, very much.” Hotch could sense that she was looking at him, and when he opened his eyes he felt his breath leave his body. She was watching over him with such care and affection, and he knew she wasn’t speaking about the eclipse anymore. As he shifted up to kiss her with a passion. He said, “I love you y/n. More than anything in the world.” They bridged the gap between them, and as their mouths met, it was like the sun kissing the moon, impossibly unlikely, but beautiful and rare as an eclipse.

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[jahmeelahlamb]

Blocked

I don't think that you know the truth and to be honest it's not really important to know what happen 11 years ago. We both played a game and lost then but won now. We have four great children that want to be apart of our lives. Did you know that Delilah had a fever yesterday and she came to me in spirit. She was so hot that she peed in the bed and was left there. I had to contact the supervisor to get the person in the house up and out of the bed. She had lice and had to get her hair shaved. She's like Mommy am I still pretty? Yes, but I am more concern with what is on the inside then what is on the out. I spoke to Andres who thought it was cool to sneak out of the house but the one that i know you thought I wasn't pay attention to was Little Remy. I know you went back over there and told him to apologize. Are you going to do that with all of our children. Pretend like you are not paying attention or are you testing to see what type of mother I am? This distance co-parenting is something new. Knowing that Delilah, Shanti, Jahiem, Jahmel all are able to do the things that we are able to do now is something. Jahmel came to me as a 12 year old talking about his bar mitzvah. I had to ask him really quick how old are you? 12. I laughed because when all three of the boys come to me in spirit Shanti is always the head and Jahmel is on his right and Jahiem is on his left (He's Haitian) Jahiem has the best sense of humor. There's only one parent I can see raising such a funny little man. The only one that has not been accounted for is Alexis Love. I haven't the slightest idea who her father is but I have snicking suspension it's not who I think that it is. She has black hair just like Justice Hope but who knows. I am just happy I get to experience being pregnant. We really have to put our differences aside because Justin doesn't know that Ernesto took my money and brought the house you stayed in when he came to visit with the money I made off of one of the those shows I was executive producer of. I know that there is false documentation somewhere and I don't know if we will be able to keep it but at least let me sleep in it for awhile before the FBI comes and investigate because I know you nor your twin did nothing to get that kind of cash for a house like that. It's okay Justin. His family is/was racist he just didn't know that when his family found out about me they blocked me on all fronts. They didn't care if I was someone special they forbid it. When I blessed Cuba I told them not to gloat. They did and a lot of them did not make it past the day they decided to brag about me because it was there comments that prevented us from being together. Trust and believe I still blessed the people of Cuba despite their colorful remarks about me. There are a lot of things we both don't know. Like you didn't know I was this long winded. Yes, I am it all started in 2011 after I was blocked from contacted you by the IT guys at Kaplan. They thought that I had hacked your phone like they had hacked mine. They didn't understand like you we both came from supernatural families. Why? Because I never told/showed anyone but my best friends what I knew or could do. Don't be scary. I am sure by now George is over this madness. I mean he actually thought he had something special with Hailey and I understood that he would always put his wife first. Divorced or not.

[karihighman]

Chicago PD recap

Here are my thoughts on the Chicago PD midseason finale “Absolution” :

Upstead

Chicago PD surprisingly kicked off their episode with some subtle Upstead flirting. Hailey has followed Jay to see where he had been sneaking off to (turns out it was to help out Marcus West’s family).

She warned him about his mission, but he reassured her that he’d be okay. Yeah, if only he knew what was to come.

Because not soon after, Jay had to bail on a crime scene to go see Angela (Marcus’ wife) again. Hailey, being the nice partner that she is, covered for him, so he could leave. When Voight asked her what was up, she told him Halstead was simply working some things out.

Later in the day when Jay doesn’t show up for court, Platt comes up to the district to ask where he is. Voight immediately checks with Hailey first, as being the one Jay is closest to, she may know his whereabouts. She had no idea where he was, as she had just gotten done leaving not one or two, but three voicemails on his phone.

I personally enjoyed her line of at two “I’m annoyed”; but 3 “I’m worried.” She’s such a work wife I love that for her.

But anyhow. So they find Halstead’s car, and after Upton tells Rojas to check it (because obviously she knows Jay’s truck hehehe), they find he went under without telling anyone. They go inside the house to find lots of blood, but no Jay. And no Angela. Yikesarama, as Jesse Lee Soffer would say...

Well, Hailey knows she needs to come clean, so she tells Voight about who Angela really is. Armed with this new info, they go to work to track down people involved with Angel, & that are connected to the drug dealer who was tortured in their earlier call (the one Jay left from in a hurry).

They start putting pieces together, which unsurprisingly lead to Darius Walker. Voight makes a deal and Darius agrees to infiltrate Kevin with Pedro, the guy they know helped run the drugs. Pedro lets Kevin (undercover name, Keyshawn) talk to Jay (known as “Jimmy” to Angela) so we know he’s okay for now.

All the while, wherever the heck Jay and Angela are, he’s trying to keep her spirits up. Things get pretty painful fast though, not only physically (Angela’s stabbed in the abdomen; Jay is bleeding profusely from his head & his face has been beaten), but emotionally too in terms of conversation.

Jay finally came clean and told Angela how he really met Marcus. In prison. Because he’s the cop who arrested him. Cue the dramatic music...

An important scene

Despite this slightly good prospect, the team still has to do the exchange of Angela and Jimmy (Jay) for the drugs. Kevin meets with Pedro, who — big shock (note the sarcasm please) — doesn’t have Angela or Jay to trade off.

A shootout ensues, which led Voight to taking down one guy with a shot to the leg (which I always find entertaining when he shoots someone up. He just never ever hesitates. He gives zero fucks).

Hailey Upton tackles him down, demanding to know where her partner is. “You better hope to God he’s alright,” she scowls at the suspect. Yeah, remind me never to mess with Hailey Ann Upton. She is a freaking badass. Love it!

They play another move in their little chess game by bringing Pedro’s son in. But a significant scene happens right before then that really solidified what Rick Eid said about Hailey’s feelings surrounding Jay’s kidnapping.

Hailey is seen on the phone, wondering where the heck the boy is. You can hear her voice breaking on the end of the call with the lockup people; and you can feel her desperation when she chucks her coffee mug in the sink in frustration.

Adam heats the commotion and comes to lend a shoulder — cough cough, how it should have been in 602, but I digress - and reminds Hailey that they are gonna find Jay.

“Gotta do something,” she says sadly. You see her wipe some tears away and run a hand over her eyes, signaling just how much this is weighing on her.

When the boy shows up; they use him as leverage against the dad and they get what they need. An address. Jay, they’re coming for ya buddy!

The shocking end

What truly made Chicago PD stand out amongst the rest of the finales was their twist ending.

Jay had managed to wrangle himself free of his piped restraints & gave Angela a weapon to protect herself while he took down the offender upstairs.

Remember when Jay confessed his real identity? Fans waited on pins & needles, but thankfully Angela did not sell him out. But hold on, we’re not done yet.

Outside, Intwlligence is trying to find a way inside the stash house. The only one who can get in? A teeny tiny Tracy Spiridakos (no seriously, she squeezed through a hole in the window like, yay big...dang). So up goes Hailey — alone, mind you. She’s offline, she’s gone dark. I’m over here worried something’s gonna happen to her. (But it doesn’t).

The good news? SHE FINDS JAY! Hailey runs to her partner, her voice pleading with him to be okay as she asks. Her eyes don’t really wanna know the answer though as she looks him over. Jay looks at her, and you see a literal sigh of relief on his face that she’s here. Because she means safety. She means he’s getting out of there alive.

“Hey.”

“Hey, are you okay?”

He nods, but remembers Angela. He tells her to stay here (such a good work husband he is!), but that he has to go get Angela from downstairs. Hailey remains upstairs while the camera follows Jay down.

What ensues is something I didn’t see coming. Like seriously not in a million years.

Angela, armed with a gun somehow now, shoots Jay. It’s unclear if it’s in the shoulder or more on his chest, but either way, he goes down for the count.

And that — yes THAT — is how the episode ends. A “to be continued” flashes across a black screen & I am a bucket of emotions. Don’t even get me started on that promo.

And that concludes my semi professional recap of Chicago PD. Now allow me to express my fangirl emotions below:

OH MY FUCKING GOD I CANT BELIEVE ANGELA SHOT JAY AND THAT HE WAS RIPPED AWAY FROM HAILEY YET AGAIN AND SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW HES BEEN SHOT YET MY UPSTEAD HEART CANT TAKE THIS!!!!

Seriously though, can someone give Jesse Lee Soffer an Emmy? Also nominate Tracy Spiridakos for one too please. Thank you. They deserve it.

I just — Hailey’s look she gave Jay before he left. It was the purest most genuine form of love there is. Like it’s not really so much about what kind of love it is; but more so that it happened at all. In all my years of watching this show, I can’t remember a time when Erin gave him that kind of look. Sure, she was relieved when he was alive in 301; but this, this was different.

Hailey was pouring all her emotions into that look. Just like she always has with Jay. And he was doing the same with her. Because that’s what works between them. And this episode showed everyone (like legit, everyone in Intelligence) how much Hailey cares for Jay. Not just in a partner way. But a “I’m gonna do whatever it takes to get him back because I need him in my life as more than that” way. Because it’s true. She needs him. She loves him. And he needs and loves her too. So that’s why Jay has to be okay — because he needs to get back to Hailey so all can be right in the world again. That’s all I can say.

[wafflesetc]

Upstead Missing Moment 9x18

Chicago PD Missing Moment 9x18 

A/N: Jay comes home after talking to the recruit in the locker room. Hailey’s got dinner somewhat prepared, and is there to support him- no matter the cost. 

“You made it home before dinner got cold.” He laughs as he hangs up his coat in the hallway and walks into the kitchen and his wife’s voice fills their home. 

“You actually cooked tonight?” He answers her as her smile beams at him. After the past two hours, it’s the best thing he’s seen all day.

“I cannot believe you asked me that. I did have a whole life before we lived together, you know.” His wife scoffs at him and pours him a glass of whisky as he sits down at the kitchen island. 

“You’re not necessarily known for your cooking skills, Hailey. You’re not a bad cook, but neither one of us are great cooks either. There’s a reason we are regulars at a handful of take-out places.” He takes a swig of his drink as the timer goes off on the oven.

“It’s nothing special, just some Stouffer’s mac and cheese and some grilled chicken breasts. Don’t get too excited.” She reaches into the oven and places the food onto the counter.

“Best part of my day is coming home to you, doesn’t matter what we’re eating.” It’s the truth. The recruit is right-Knox said something similar to him a few months back too, the world is linear to him. A lot of black and white, but also, there’s a lot of grey mixed in there. Other people don’t see it like he does, but Hailey does, because she gets him. She always has. And making it home to her- that’s the ultimate goal.

 “Aw, trying to sweeten me up there, partner.” She reaches for the plates, scoops two large portions of their sides and then takes the chicken breasts and puts them onto their respective plates. “How did your report go on the recruit?”

He lets out a breath, the kind of breath that he hadn’t realized he had been holding all day. “It was tough. I was honest.” 

“Of course you were.”

 “I had Anna look into him. See why he was in a gang, what was in his past. Found out he had put someone in a wheelchair and that was all she really found; said she couldn’t dig anymore without it looking fishy.” He stops for a second as she pushes him his dinner plate. “And that was that… I had confronted him about it earlier and he gave me his classic one-word answer. It was infuriating.”

“You’re not much of an open book there yourself. We danced circles around each other for years before we got ourselves together.” She popped a piece of mac and cheese into her mouth and gave him a smirk.

 “But at the end of the day, he told me that the man he put in the wheelchair was his step-dad. Who used to beat his mom… And that he tried to call the cops six times before he did it, and no one showed up. He wants to be a cop because he wants change things, Hailey. We- I- almost ruined his career.”

“Jay, I get it, but you can’t think about it that way. There was credible intel that there was a leak and he fit the profile. You were just doing your job—” She stops when she sees his hand fisting on the counter in quiet frustration.

 “I love you Hailey, I do but this just felt different. You became a cop because you grew up in a similar situation, but you didn’t grow up in a gang influenced area- this just feels different. I wrote the report, that he had fit the profile and originally, he had been hard to get a read on. But I also wrote and said that the recruit had damn good instincts, made exceptional choices even when he wasn’t ordered to but that he saved our lives, and at the end of the day, he will make a fine Chicago Police Officer.” He’s quiet when he finishes and stares down at his food, twirling his drink in his hand. He’s a silent processor of information at times, she knows this about him and lets him sit with his thoughts.

She walks around the counter so she’s standing next to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulder, “There’s a reason Trudy asked you to work with the recruits, Jay. As hard of a day it was you somehow always see the best in people, even in the worst of scenarios.”

She kisses his temple and leans into his side, “It’s one of the many reasons I fell in love with you.”

He lets out a quiet laugh and takes his first bite of food, leaning his head onto her shoulder. “Thanks for cooking, going out is the last thing I would have wanted tonight.”

“Least I could do, figured you’d just want to come home and chill. Why don’t we finish eating and then take a shower and go to bed, tomorrow’s a brand-new day, Jay, but since I cooked, you’re doing the dishes.” 

“Deal, partner- only if the shower includes both of us.” He counters reaching for her plate as she sits down on the stool next to him. 

“Deal.” She gives him a wink and sits starts to finish her dinner.

He knows he’ll probably have some more paperwork on the recruit to fill out, maybe a hearing or two in the future, but in his gut, he thinks this kid will make a good cop. No one stood up for him when he was a kid, and now it’s his turn to stand up for him as a recruit. And through the process-at work and at home- he’s got a support system holding him up, every step of the way. Sometimes he doesn’t know what he did to deserve her- or this life they’ve created- but he knows he’s not taking it for granted, not now, not ever.

[justmypartner]

Overall thoughts on the episode?

Overall, I thought it was a great episode! It's definitely one I'm going to have to go back and watch eventually because I honest to god had half an idea what was actually going on plot wise. Jay Halstead was distracting me too damn much. I thought it really let Jay's natural sense of leadership shine, and I feel as though it was a set up for whatever role they plan for Jay to play in the finale/Voight&Anna storyline. I'm definitely sad about the lack of upstead scenes, but I went into the episode kinda expecting it after seeing the promo. I'm going to do my loves/crits because I feel like there were many on both sides (I kinda like the idea of doing this for all eps from now on if you're interested) I'll put it under a cut since this will be a bit long:

Loves:

The Sergeant Jay vibes were immaculate. Jesse was phenomenal throughout, but I think he specifically played that struggle of Jay wanting to support the kid while also being skeptical of him so well. Also the scenes where he was calling out instructions in the field was so sexy to me

That flirty upstead scene? It was so true to them and it definitely seemed like a moment of lightness Jay needed in that moment

THE SILENT COMMUNICATION - truly one of my favorite things about upstead and I love that in a show that lacks continuity this is one of the few things they have been able to keep constant

The Trudy and Jay content was 🤌🏼 and I'm going to need more of that

Hailey's little "Jay" after they get shot at towards the end was such a small moment, but you could hear the fear in her voice. She needed to know he was okay

I'm glad the kid turned out alright. I'm so intrigued by his story and I really hope this isn't the last of him (though I'm not holding my breath)

Crits:

I feel like they could've worked in a few more lines for upstead. I don't feel like this is me being greedy either. We used to get worried lines all the time before they were even canon. Personally, I would've written in something after all of those 10-1 calls, after/during being shot at together, or even before Jay went to talk to Torres in the locker room. Some sort of reassurance between them.

The plot point with the mole in the academy? I know they made it a big point so that it could be reason to cast doubt on Torres, but it was just so gimmicky. Like was his prior gang affiliation actually what they thought was the infiltration or is there someone else who is an active member mole in the academy? I feel like that could have used some clarity

The fact that they made Jay have the burden of the kid all alone. They acted as if Jay had chosen this kid and nobody gave him support as he struggled with the right way to suss him out. I know it was given to him as his responsibility, but I would have liked to have seen him talk it through with someone. The Voight convo was just not enough. I think this is something previous seasons Jay would have talked through with Hailey, but really I wanted to see him talk it through with Trudy. Especially since she was struggling on her own with thinking she brought a bad recruit into the unit.

[blonde-freckles]

And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70

He can feel the building begin to shake under his feet before it comes down. He only has a split second to dive under the closest table, with barely a moment to check his surroundings before it happens. The room shakes, windows rattling as the walls come crumbling down around him. It’s all a blur, thick dust clouding his vision. He can hear the screams echoing out across the building before it falls to silence, he’s trapped encased in rubble and dust. He hears the faint squeak of his radio struggling to pick up a channel through the collapse.

He can feel the panic starting to crawl up his lungs as he shifts his weight, so he's no longer holding it all on his knees.

He’s half way through calling in his location when Hailey’s voice cuts off the radio. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? What the hell Jay? I thought you were waiting.” He can hear the desperation in her voice as he squeezes his eyes shut trying to control his breathing.

“I’m okay...really, it’s barely a scratch. I’m just a little stuck right now.” He lets out a shaky breath before pulling the radio close to himself, he’s not sure who’s he’s trying to convince, himself or Hailey. “I thought...I thought I could talk him out of it.”

He really thought he could. He thought he had this. There was something about military cases that stirred something up in him, something no amount of hour sin therapy could ever fix. His need to help his brothers. The belief that what they’d seen bonded them in a way that would never be able to be broken, and no matter how many times he got burnt by this belief he never gave up trying.

The radio falls silent but he knows she’s there, he can hear her quiet breaths through the radio. “Fire is on the way Jay.” Her voice is quiet and controlled and in full work mode but all Jay can hear is her quiet breathing. This morning he’d spent the first few minutes of his day just watching her breathe, his arms wrapped so tightly around her, their legs tangled under the soft white sheets as the sunlight filtered through. Their warm little bubble, so safe and secure.

“Help...” A quiet voice breaks out drawing Jay's attention, it’s faint but he can hear it. “Help me please...”

His eyebrows furrow as he tries to work out the direction the pleas for help are coming from. He makes out a small gap in the distruction where the light is filtering in, carefully he reattaches his radio to his duty rig, shuffling down on his stomach, he pulls himself forward through the gap.

A steel beam lays across an elderly gentleman's legs, he looks late 70s maybe, with light grey hair now covered in dust, his hands holding tightly around the beam desperately pushing against it.

“Sir...” Jay jumps into action, crawling faster as he makes his way through the gap. “Sir are you all right?”

His brain kicks into work mode, shutting off any lingering thoughts on not making it out of here alive as he assesses this situation. The mans bleeding pretty heavily, his legs crushed on the beam that might be the only thing stopping him from bleeding out. It’s far too heavy for Jay to lift or even try to shift, instead he manages to use his belt as a makeshift tourniquet.

He calls through the radio, listening intently as Brett comes over the air waves to get an idea of the gentleman’s injuries. When Jay does manage to finally slow the bleeding the radio crackles back to silence and Jay looks down at his blood stained hands, wiping them on his jeans in the hopes the gentleman won’t see just how much there is as he sits beside him.

“You’re a detective you say?”

“Yes...erm sorry I never got your name.”

“Arthur Brady...I would say nice to meet you but...” The man half chuckles as Jay gives him a short nod wondering how he could be so chipper in a moment like this, surely he can feel the extent of his injuries, even if he can't he can definitely see the severity of the situation.

“Whatever you do Jay keep him talking until we get there.”

Bretts words echo in his mind.

“Arthur...Arthur talk to me...tell me what brought you here today.”

Time seems to tick by slowly, the faint crackle of Jays radio fading in and out every so often. Fire had arrived, but it was gonna be a long wait until they could get to them. The building was not on steady ground and the aim was to get as many people out alive as possible, however long that took. Hailey's voice had only come through the radio once more in that time, just to say the bomber's body had been pulled from the wreckage near the exit...he hadn’t made it. In the meantime Jay continues to probe Arthur with more questions in the hope it will keep him awake, but he’s also glad for the distraction that it provides him. Sitting still, having nothing to do...that’s never been Jay's speed. He learns that Arthur was at the bank to get some cash out for his granddaughters 21s birthday, he has two daughters and a son and 6 grandchildren. He was a wedding photographer for 47 years before he retired 10 years ago.

“My wife Katherine...oh she’s beautiful. You know we’ve been married 53 years this year..." Arthur explains as he pulls a worn leather wallet from his top pocket, handing it over. Jay could see the old photo inside, it’s slightly faded but he can make out the image of a bride on her wedding day, the vail thrown back over her hair to reveal her smiling brightly at someone behind the camera.

"So what's the secret to making it work?" Jay questions, his gaze falling back to his own phone and the photo of Hailey that lights up his background. He’d dragged her along on a hike a while back, with the promise of getting doughnuts after. She’d been laughing at something he’d said as the sun went down behind her, making her blonde curls glow and he’d snapped the pic before she’d had a chance to protest.

"Marry your best friend. Marry someone you can laugh with. The kind of laugh that makes your belly ache, and your nose snort. Marriage is hard. Life is harder. There are days when you'll wanna walk but as long as your relationship is buried deep in friendship you'll always find your way. You think you might know someone like that?" Arthur asks with a slight twinkle in his eye as he nods towards the phone in Jay's hand.

Jay nods, a soft smile growing on his face as he runs his thumb across the photo on his screen, handing Arthur back his own photo. “Yeah I think I do...and she’s almost guaranteed to be just outside this building right now, she’s gonna be so pissed at me for being here.”

“I don’t think Katherine will be too happy either...will you...will you tell me about her?...what’s her name?” He nods down towards Jay's phone again.

“Hailey.” Jay whispers softly, he can already see her arms folded across her chest, tapping her foot impatiently on the street, eyes trained on every person emerging from the wreckage. Honestly what he wouldn’t give to hear her knowing tone telling him that she’s sick of hospital waiting rooms right now.

“She sort of came out of nowhere, I wasn’t really looking for anything when we met, actually...there was someone else when we met. I couldn’t even tell you the moment everything changed...trust me I’ve tried to work it out but it’s just like one day she was my partner and friend and the next she was the one person I could never live without. I remember looking over at her years ago and thinking I could lose all this...this job. This job that I’ve let define me for so long but it wouldn’t matter as long as I was with her.”

“Sounds like you’re in deep...How come you’re not married?”

“Oh we haven’t been dating that long...I...we still have some things to figure out.” Jay swallows, if he’s honest he’d marry Hailey tomorrow. He’d have married her six months ago given the chance. As soon as they started dating he knew he couldn’t ever imagine spending his life with someone else. He knew it a week in, he’d come in from an early morning run to find her sitting on the kitchen island coffee cup in hand, his t-shirt hanging loosely on her body as she read the morning news. She’d handed him his coffee without so much as a second glance and he’d known in that exact moment. It had taken everything in him not to get down on one knee right then and there.

Things had changed since their first I love you, he was even more careful with her. He didn’t want her to be overwhelmed, he wanted to help her in any way he could. She was trying, really trying and she had gotten good at letting him know when she felt flustered by their relationship, when she needed space or when she needed reassurance. He was all too happy to comply, he was happy to do whatever it took to make this work.

“Don’t waste time...not with the people you love.” The sad look on Arthur’s face like he’s almost defeated makes Jay think the elder man might be close to giving up as his eyes flicker shut briefly.

“Tell me more about Katherine.” Jay urges, he wraps a hand around Arthur's wrist, checking his pulse as he does. It’s weak.

“She’s the dream. I was a New Yorker you see, born and bread...was only here for a wedding 54 years ago when I saw her through the window of a cafe”

“And you knew right then and there?”

“God no.” Arthur begins to laugh but it turns into him choking as he struggles to catch his breath. “I don’t believe in love at first sight. Love...real true love takes work and a lot of it. You’ve got to choose that person every single day.” He croaks out, his eye sparkling as he recalls the memory in his mind. “What I did know was she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. I was a young man at the time, full of a confidence I had no real right having.” Jay chuckles, he’s been there, the cocky confident guy in his 20s thinking he knew it all. “I could never have known the love that would’ve formed, so deep it almost shook me to my core. I’d never been in love before, but I’d seen others, especially in my line of work and then I got it, I got why people behave the way they did. I remember thinking if this is what love feels like I get why it starts wars.” He’s words trail off and Jay watches the way his head drops slightly.

“Hey, Arthur...Arthur we’re almost out you hear me. Stay with me now Arthur. Katherine is waiting, she's still waiting for you.”

“Will you tell her...”

Jay shakes his head furiously. Leaning up as he twists his radio, calling out for an update. “No no...I’m not going to pass on any messages.” He mumbles, grabbing hold of both Arthur’s shoulders. “You’re gonna tell her Arthur...Katherines waiting for you.”

“You tell her I loved her and that she made my world a better place.” He mutters before his eyes roll back and Jay begins to bark down his radio desperate for anyone to respond.

It is only seconds later the loud ringing of a drill sounds and Kelly Severide’s voice echoes around them. Jay can feel the relief flooding through him as the familiar uniform comes into view.

-

“Jay...” The bright sunlight is a stark contrast from the darkness he’d been buried in the last few hours, the buzz of the scene hitting him is almost deafening as he hears orders being shouted out. “Jay...” Hailey’s voice stands out amongst the noise. As he steps out away from the building, he’s ushered past the destruction zone and he can hear Brett asking him to sit but he’s too focused on finding Hailey as he scans that area.

He hears more commotion behind him watching with bated breath as Arthur is pulled from the rubble, he’s attached to a bodyboard, as the next set of paramedics rush to his aid.

He doesn't even see her approach before he feels her arms wrapping tightly around him, he releases a breath he’s been holding since the building first blew as his arms wind themselves around her waist, he sticks his face into the side of her neck letting the wisps of blonde that’s fallen loose from her ponytail tickle his face as he does. They’ve never been ones for any type of public affection, while they’re on the clock anyway but right now he can’t bring himself to care. He breaks away after a while, already missing her touch but he knows they have an audience. He watches as they lower Arthur down onto the gurney wheeling him their way.

“Is this her...is this your Hailey?” He coughs, struggling as they place the oxygen mask over his mouth.

Jay can see Hailey glance his way, shooting him a silent question. “Yeah, this is her.” Jay nods, crouching down closer to Arthur.

“I’m gonna go get Katherine okay? I’m gonna bring her to you Arthur so don’t go anywhere.” Jay grips hold of Arthur’s hand, making sure the man sees the sincerity in his eyes as Sylvie lets him know that they need to move now. “Take care of my girl and I’ll take care of yours okay?” Jay asks, glancing back at Hailey who’s just watching silently.

“Deal...”

He steps back letting them get him into the ambulance as he turns back to Hailey. He can see from the look on her face she has a lot to say and he’ll happily listen to everything but just not right now. “Hey I’m okay I promise I’m okay and I'll sit and get a full checkout at the hospital just to please you but first I have something to do, please just trust me and keep Arthur company until I get to the hospital.”

“Erm sure okay...”

Jay smiles as she agrees without question, pressing a firm kiss on Hailey's forehead surprising her before he’s rushing off through the crowd without another word.

-

Hailey loses sight of Jay almost as quickly as she finds him, her heart is still thumping in her chest as she tries to keep reminding herself that he's alive, he’s alive and safe and doing whatever the hell he does. She'd done as he asked, joining the man he'd been pulled from the rubble with into the ambulance.

The ambulance roars into life and she watches as the elderly man begins to pull down his oxygen mask much to the dismay of the newest recruit to 51, his hand shaking as it reaches out for Haileys.

She takes his hand in hers. It’s cold but it squeezes onto hers tightly. She’d heard the tail end of their conversation. “You take care of my girl...I’ll take care of yours.” She’s not sure what Jay has planned but she trusts him, no questions asked.

“That man loves you more than life itself dear.” Arthur croaks and the tears that she refused to let fall in front of all their colleagues finally fall, splashing against her cheeks, his words catching her off guard.

-

The E.R is a mess, overrun with victims from the blast, no one can tell her anything as Arthur is rushed off for surgery, she’s not family, she has no right to know. So instead she takes a seat in the corner out of the way of the chaos.

She thinks she might be dreaming when he finally emerges through the doors, still dressed in his blood-stained clothes, an elderly woman holding tightly to his arm as he leads her through the crowd and towards the front desk. His eyes find hers quickly like he doesn’t even need to search for her, he just knows where she is and the small smile that plays on his lips as their eyes meet is enough for her.

-

It’s hours later when Katherine and Arthur are finally reunited. Jay helps Katherine towards his room, stopping in the doorway as Hailey hangs back. She’s still not sure what the infinity with this couple is but she’ll go along with it if that’s what Jay wants.

“That’s gonna be us one day.” He mutters quietly as the door slips shut and he steps back out into the hallway. Hailey raises her eyebrows in surprise as Jay makes his way around her, his arms encircling her waist as he leans his chin on top of her head. Both of them watching the elderly couple through the window. The way Katherine caresses Arthur’s face as he presses a kiss to her hand. The look of pure joy to see each other is so evident in their faces.

“Minus the major bleed and building collapse I hope.” She hums, leaning back into his embrace, finally feeling at ease as the weight of the day seems to slip away.

He nestles his face into her neck, pressing a light kiss to her skin. “I make no promises...”

“Hey...” she laughs, shaking her head as she places her hands on top of his, she can feel his lip quirk up into a grin against her neck and it makes her own lips turn up. “How are we going to grow old together if you keep being so reckless?”

“That’s what you love about me.”

Hailey turns in his arms, slipping her arms around his waist, one hand stroking his back softly. “I assure you it’s not...but I do love you.” She whispers the last part, she still struggles to say the words but each time she does it feels a little easier, like the words that were once so dark get a shade lighter each time she says them or hears them fall from his lips.

She watches as Jay takes a sharp breath, before resting his forehead against hers, closing his eyes softly just breathing her in. “I’m gonna say something. It’s not a question it’s just a thought...okay? I’m giving you fair warning for when the time comes.”

Hailey narrows her eyes but nods anyway, letting him pull her to the side as the hallway becomes busier. “I love you...you’re my best friend and...”

“And?”

“And I’m gonna marry you one day.”

Her blue eyes widen for a second and Jay bites down on his lips to stop the smile that comes every time he looks at her. He can see the thoughts whirling through her mind like waves crashing around the ocean. He feels her arms squeeze his waist a little tighter before she simply shrugs. “Okay...” she mumbles , laying her head back against his chest as she turns her gaze back towards Arthur and Katherine. They stand there for a moment in silence and he wonders if she can see what he can...a glimpse at their future. His thoughts are confirmed when he feels her lips pressed to his cheek curling up into a smile against him. “Okay...I’ll marry you one day.”

[buckyjamess-archive]

𝓻𝓸𝓼𝓲𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓲 ❁ 𝓫𝓾𝓬𝓴𝔂 𝓫𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓮𝓼

chapter seventeen • a/n: thank the sudden burst of inspiration for these chapters coming out so fast. Feedback is appreciated! • wordcount: 1.5k+ • warnings: kids, parenthood, nothing more?

summary

going through  rough years after losing your husband, you try to raise your daughter the best you can. With the help from the wilson's you make the best of it but the road is bumpy when sam introduces you to his friend.

masterlist

F O U R M O N T H S L A T E R

"I'm running a little late today, so I won't be home in time but I asked Steve to be there to open up–" a heavy sigh "for the love of god, try to be nice buck, that's all I'm asking, okay? Also, can you let me know if you're staying for dinner so I can pick up something extra on my way back– thank you. Okay..bye, love you." 

love you. Bucky never expected to keep hearing those words falling from your lips but he does– after every call, every voicemail, every goodbye and see you soon. It makes him smile yet he doesn't deserve those two words. 

you had assured him that morning after that you would always love him no matter what; that he's still the father of yet another gift in your life. The best months of your life after a shit show of years prior– you'd always love Bucky even if he broke your heart in a million pieces, he seemed to be the only one to put it back together..or steve. Steve did a pretty good job of glueing shattered parts of your heart back together.

It angered bucky. Coincidentally; Steve rogers marriage came to an end not two weeks after you'd moved into your own little place with the kids and for a split second Bucky had wondered if nothing ever happened between you and Steve during the time he suspected something. But he believed you. Nothing had happened, never and though Bucky still had to get used to Steve being around more and more each day, he knew he could trust the blonde. 

You seem happy with Steve and unlike you and him, things between Steve went slow, taking time. No moving in three weeks after or by each other's side everyday and you certainly didn't let the man straight into Rosie and JJ's life.

A break..of sorts and maybe he'd gotten his hopes up and believed it actually could get better with time; get back together and be that little family again but as time passed by, it became all too clear– you really didn't plan on getting with him again and Bucky couldn't even blame you.

But you still let him into your life, let him be a part of your life. A part of Rosie's life..of JJ. You let Rosie stay with him whenever she wanted to, let her stay the night or a couple of days until the girl wanted to get back home again. Got to see his son nearly everyday and have him all weekends. 'I'd never take away your kids, buck'

Invitations to stay for dinner or spend the evening or to tag along with one of your day outs– all too eager to spend all the time he could with what once was his family,  even if it meant spending time with Steve.

You still took care of bucky, you still loved bucky because the man who broke your heart made you believe in love again, pulled you out of your shell after years of wanting to be alone. Took care of you during your darkest days, stayed by your side when you needed him the most. Gave Rosie a father figure she never had the opportunity to get, gave you another little soul to take care of. Bucky Barnes stole, bruised and broke your heart and till this day manages to glue it back together. 

It took you a while to forgive him, you're still not sure if you actually have. With the loan you got from your new part time job at the store around the corner, you managed to get yourself a small two bedroom apartment not too far away from bucky– following most classes from your new study online and still being able to be there for your babies; if you were being honest, life was good. 

The family wilson being back in your life being the icing on the cake. Sam being to eager to apologise for everything he'd said and done although 'I told you so'– first flight to Brooklyn and before you knew it the family stood in your apartment, unpacked boxes and painted rooms as if their lives depended on it; be there for you like they were after riley– family. Hailey even spent the better part of her summer in Brooklyn by your side to catch up while in all honesty, she got tired of her dad and needed some time alone.

Life was surprisingly good after everything.

"Dad?" 

Snapping out of his daydream, Bucky looks up and meets the eyes of the little girl in the rear view mirror. The braid bucky had managed to braid that morning an untangled mess, hanging from her shoulder. Left overs of a chocolate cookie still visible on the corner of her mouth. Yellow shirt covered in dirt, paint and what else she'd been playing in and with at school.

Bucky hums and types a quick text to you, telling you he'd stay over for dinner "What's up?" 

"Can alpine come with me sometime?" Rosie asks seriously, a hint of hope in her voice. 

"I wish he could sweetheart but mom's not allowed to have any pets," Bucky chuckles "He misses mommy, right?" 

"I don't know, he can't talk silly." 

"Really then why does alpine talk to me every night?" Bucky quips back "he tells me how you steal the last cookies from the cookie jar." 

"That was JJ– when are mommy, me and JJ coming back home, I want my own bedroom again." 

Bucky clears his throat and quickly gazes to the little boy fast asleep in his carpet on the backseat and back to Rosie, Bucky swallows the lump in his throat. 

You tried to explain it all but the 4 year old never seemed to be able to understand any of it; the two times Christmas, two birthdays not working.

"I don't know princess," Bucky admits "whenever mommy is ready." 

which is never

Heavy footsteps echo against the grey stone walls of the short hallway,  doors with small white numbers glued onto the wood– Steve isn't much taller or shorter, maybe a bit broader but nothing to be afraid of and yet bucky finds himself tiny next to the man, intimidated to say the least- black leather jacket over a simple grey shirt clung around his biceps, long legs...intimidating but with the softest facial features, christ bucky didn't have any reason to feel this way around someone You deemed important. 

If anything, Steve was as awkward as him.

Twirling around the hallway, her pink and purple colored bag bouncing up and down her back and her messy braid flying through the air, Rosie stills at the sight of the men walking their way 

"You're late." 

"I know, kid," Steve chuckles lowly "tried to be faster." 

"Well, you should be faster next time." Rosie simply states. 

Steve nods his head towards bucky with a slight smile which bucky returns and without another word, Steve twirls the keys out of his pocket and unlocks the door with the faint 9 on it. 

Rosie storms in, nearly tripping over her own feet as she pulls her backpack off and throws it in the corner with all other shoes, bags and umbrellas. 

The man nods again as Bucky pushes the stroller with JJ through the door. The familiar smell of you lingering in the air and fills his nostrils. He ignores the footsteps behind him. Bucky pushes his son further into the kitchen where he picks JJ out and sets the little man on the floor. Bucky's not even able to say another word, his son zooming off on all fours, going straight to the box filled with toys near the couch in the living room. 

"I was told to hand you the keys." Bucky's eyes shoot up to Steve, your keys dangling between his thumb and index finger– Steve clears his throat. 

Casually folding the stroller back before standing up straight, bucky nods and holds his hand out. 

Your keys, not Steve's. Great, he's not at that base yet.

"y/n asked if you wanted to bathe the kids," Steve clears his throat once again and shifts his weight from one foot to the other "so she can start with dinner when she's back." 

"Yeah, sure." Bucky mumbles almost inaudibly, calm and collected, through his stomach drops as Steve nods and strides his way to your bedroom and comes back out with a black overnight bag hanging from his shoulder; rogers printed on the fabric. 

so, he's at that base already

"So, yeah– I should head back out. Work and all." Steve breathes out a laugh. 

Placing both hands on his sides, Steve looks back to the living room where Rosie and JJ crawled and played around the coffee table. 

"Bye rosie," Steve waves awkwardly and with no answer back, he looks back at bucky with a slight smile and nervous chuckle "kids, right." 

"Yeah," Bucky deadpans, not batting an eye at the men in front of him "kids." 

Bucky doesn't have the right to feel jealous, he screwed things up and not you but he still loves you with all his heart and he'll be damned if he didn't at least try to gain back your trust and maybe even woo you back in his life– Steve stands in the way of just that.

Taglist: @farfromshawn @Nicollettemarie @wooya1224 @felicityofbakerstreet @agentmstark @sierrax023 @lilyevanswhore @qhbr2013 @buckybarnesobsessed @themaddies-obx @aloserwithoutacause @aanngie @sebby-staan @sweetth1ng @starrystarkey93 @libidinexx @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @gasly-kvyat @brown-bi-beautiful @peter-laufeyson @im-squished @meshlababy @lindseyrae20 @cb97skies @qwccrr @ssprayberrythings @yougottalovefandoms @jbcalway @realgaytrash @natyvwe @poetryazenth @winterberryfox @ahahafudge @okiegirl24 @0moondoodler0 @why-wait-4-eventually

[onechicago-upsteadrhekker]

the trouble with wanting (is i want you) - part two

Friends!!!!! I’m here! I’m back! 

I can’t apologize enough for the long wait! It certainly wasn’t intentional, but alas that is the life of a college student and unfortunately school comes before upstead as much as I wish it didn’t!

I hope part two gives you all the feels and makes up for the long absence, however, I do have something to share with you that may make you want to kill.

Part two turned into part three...

So, SURPRISE! This isn’t a two-shot; it will definitely be a three part story and I am happy to say that part three is written (mostly, I have to tweak a few things) so that will be up sometime next week depending on my school schedule.

Thank you again for your patience and I sincerely hope that you enjoy this chapter that contains no real plot, a lot of fluff and mutual pining!

As always, let me know what you think in the comments!

Tagging: @imjustwritingg, @anniesardors, @thetwit, @angelsjedi, @chichichicken, @carissalizz, @maya-asturias

Let me know if you want to be added to this list for part three!

Read on AO3

The next few days are filled with mandatory walking sessions, pain meds every four to six hours and Jay’s smiling face. He was the only reason why she wasn’t absolutely losing it because while she despised hospital stays in general, hospital stays in another city filled with people she didn’t know were downright insufferable.

But he’d made it go from something akin to glorified torture to slightly tolerable.

The bullet wound was starting to heal and the incision from where they’d had to remove her spleen was looking great according to the nurses and everything seemed to be on the right track healing wise, but anything regarding this thing that she and Jay had going on? She had no idea.

One would think getting shot in a different city, causing one partner to literally drop everything and come rushing to the other partner’s side would end in heartfelt confessions and relationships born at hospital bedsides.

But that’s not what happened, and Hailey was seriously starting to wonder if she and Jay were ever going to be on the same page. Or at least read the page aloud because she was fairly certain he felt the same way about her that she felt about him.

Because just partners don’t fly eight-hundred miles to be by your side even if you are hurt.

Right?

And it didn’t help that he was there with her almost twenty-four seven, giving her no time alone to process what he was telling her without words because before this, it had just been subtle glances and warm smiles, teasing words and affectionate eyes.

But this. Flying eight-hundred miles. It was tangible and real, and she couldn’t quite believe it was really actually happening, but then he was there, bringing her her favorite foods from restaurants she’d found during her time in New York and barely going back to her hotel room for sleep, staying by her side to keep her company and catch her up on five weeks’ worth of Intelligence news.

He was there for every lap around the hospital floor and every dressing change. He was there to shoo out the nurses when they were starting to get on her nerves and he was there, rubbing her hand softly when the pain of her bruised ribs made it hard to breathe.

And then there was the way she was constantly being referred to as ‘Jay’s wife’ instead of her own name much like when she was back in grade school and her teachers would call her ‘Sam’s little sister’.

He’d made quite the impression on the nurses and for some reason neither she nor Jay had set the record straight on the actual status of their relationship since that first day when he was mistaken as her husband.

(It was probably the same reason that they hadn’t talked about what Jay flying to New York meant. And to be honest, Hailey was sort of hoping that Jay would set the record straight on their relationship, if only to let her know where they stood.)

And she definitely wasn’t going to acknowledge the dangerous little thrill she got from hearing herself referenced that way or think about what it would be like for real. Nope, not a chance or she might never come back down to reality after having narcotic-induced dreams of three little words, ‘I do’s’, freckled little faces and laughing green eyes.

But then it’s so close, she can almost taste it and it should scare her, but it doesn’t.

Because she can feel it in the way he grins at her and in the way he tells her goodnight at the end of a long day of keeping her company. It’s in the way his arm brushes hers when he’s helping her sit or stand and it’s in the way his eyes hold hers for far longer than he should; his green eyes swimming with hints of the things she dreams.

But until she hears it. Until one of them gathers the courage to actually say the words and put a name to what they already know and feel, then she’s going to wait and guard those dreams carefully because she knows deep in her heart that when they return to Chicago, it will have either worked out or it won’t at all.

She’s not sure exactly when the pieces will fall into place or if they’ll even fit together but she knows they are at the point of no return. And honestly, that scares her the most because no matter what happens, it will always be Jay for her.

Because he was her home, and he had a place in her heart no one else could ever have and that terrified her because she knows that she’ll never get over him if for some reason it doesn’t work out between them.

She tries not to think like that because she’s pretty sure what she’s seen in his eyes is something that looks a lot like love, but it’s hard to be totally optimistic when it seems like the universe is always keeping them not necessarily apart, but not really together. At least not in the way she’s pretty sure both of them want.

So, she sits in her hospital bed, watching him laugh at her attempts to renegotiate her discharge date with the nurses and listens to him chatter about what Will’s been up to and how much he hated being tossed between Kevin, Kim, Adam and Vanessa while she’d been gone even if he liked working with each of them.

They’d been flying crooked he told her and that her not being there threw them all off so he’d be happy when he could take her back home and so would everyone else. In fact, they’d told her as much when Kim had facetimed Jay the day after he’d arrived in New York to get proof of life and see for themselves that she was truly going to be okay.

It was sweet and nice, and it made her realize how much she really did miss her team turned family even if she already felt like she was home just because Jay was beside her.

He was beside her and he was there with her and every time he looked at her over the beeping of the heart monitor she was hooked up to, everything else faded from view. The facetime calls with their friends, the friendly nurses checking up on her every few hours, the general hustle and bustle of hospital life happening outside her room.

It was just them and she’d be lying if she wasn’t looking forward to her discharge date for reasons other than just being out of the hospital because she knew then, she and Jay would truly be alone stuck in a hotel room in a city that neither one of them knew.

And that, she knew, would be the true test.

*

On the morning of the third day she’d been in the hospital, Hailey was given the news that she’d be released by that afternoon. If she was physically capable, she’d be jumping for joy but because of the dozen stitches in her side, she’d had to settle for celebrating internally.

Moving was still slow-going and she still felt overly tired far too early in the day, but she was confident that a night in her own bed (or at least the bed she’d been sleeping in for the past several weeks) would do her a world of good.

And she wasn’t going to think about how Jay being potentially next to her would probably make her sleep better than she’d ever had.

She didn’t know exactly where Jay had been disappearing to when he’d left the hospital at night, but she’d given him the key to her hotel room and he always came back looking well-rested so she felt safe assuming he was sleeping in the same queen bed she’d been occupying for the past five weeks.

Hailey wasn’t quite sure what would happen tonight when it was time for him to go to bed, but she wondered if this was the day they were going to finally get it right, nestled under the bed covers, whispering dreams and promises, her side aching but her heart so full.

“Here, let me help you with that,” Her gaze flicked up to Jay who had entered the room and was walking towards her, his hands already reaching out to help her pull on her coat. Hailey looked up at him as he focused his gaze on putting her left arm carefully through the sleeve of her jacket.

She wasn’t sure if a person could have reversed déjà vu, but the action brought her right back to another hospital room in a different city when she was still reeling from the panic she’d felt surrounding Jay’s terrifying brush with death.

When she’d helped him pull his familiar, worn black jacket over his sling right before she almost told him she loved him.

And now here they were again, except this time it was him helping her and this time she knew they weren’t going home without having the conversation they should have had then.

“Thanks,” She murmured softly, trying to ignore the way her heart raced when he briefly squeezed her hand.

Hailey gingerly sat down on the side of the bed, already worn out and sore from the morning’s activities of getting ready to leave.

“I called a taxi. It should be here any minute,” He grabbed her duffle and sat it beside her, “You sign the discharge papers?”

“Yes, thank God,” She muttered accepting the pair of Sperry’s Jay was handing her.

He chuckled softly, “You are so impatient.”

She shot him a look, “I’m sorry. And who was the one practically begging me to spring him from the hospital the minute he was awake and talking?”

He had the wisdom to look sheepish, but he couldn’t hide the wide smile threatening to take over. Clearly, they were both happy to be leaving the hospital room behind.

As Jay busied himself with packing the last few items into the duffle he’d brought Hailey the day he’d arrived in New York, he can’t help but watch her. She’s moving slowly, but she seems pretty alert for someone who got shot and had relatively serious surgery only four days ago.

Her eyes are bright if not tired and her hair is haphazardly thrown up in her signature high pony, but Jay still thinks she’s the most beautiful girl in the world and he almost tells her just that.

His mouth is open, forming the words when she turns to him after sliding on her shoes, catching his gaze with eyes narrowed in suspicion, “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

And he thinks this is why he can never tell her how he feels. She’s always taking the words away with a flash of blue and a dash of blonde because he wants his future to look like her so badly, it terrifies him. And even when he does finally find the words, he knows he will never be able to tell her with words just how much she means to him.

His lips quirk and he shakes his head, turning his attention back to the duffle to zip it up before nodding towards the open door of her hospital room, “No reason. You ready to go?”

For a second, he thinks she’s going to push, and they are going to have the conversation they need to have right here and now, but then she doesn’t and some part of him feels disappointed that they are making themselves wait once again.

He’s not even entirely sure why because nothing is holding them back now. Not really. They are finally both in the same city with no kidnappings, rigged elections or anything else threatening to tear them apart and yet, they are still walking that very fine line of partners and best friends to something openly affectionate and loving and real.

It’s almost too perfect because while he rushed here in a state of panic, not knowing what he would find, Hailey, for the most part was okay and now they were stuck here with basically nothing to do but wait till she could fly without risk of infection or complications from surgery.

He’s not sure if he should be worried, waiting for the other shoe to drop or thrilled that the universe seems to be giving them a hint that it was finally time to take that leap of faith from partners and best friends to something more.

*

“Hailey, you are clearly in pain.”

After the short taxi ride from the hospital, they were finally in the hotel room and now firmly engaged in a battle of wills.

Hailey was currently giving him a glare that reminded him of the way she would silently warn him from across the bullpen to not do something he might regret or when they were down to the last couple of fries during a long stakeout and he was reaching for them.

Generally, he didn’t win the fights when she wore that look but today, he was determined to stand his ground.

“Jay,” It was practically whined and while he understood her reluctance to take the pain meds she’d been prescribed, he couldn’t stand watching her in pain.

In the few times that Hailey’s been injured during their partnership, it hadn’t been too serious, and she usually had a good attitude about doing what she needed to do to recover. So, seeing her like this, pale and tired and just not her normal, spunky self, broke his heart and he wanted to do everything in his power to fix it.

Starting with the meds she’s determined not to take.

He was happy to at least see the trait that was so undeniably Hailey in her eyes because otherwise, she looked like a lifeless shell of the badass detective he knows she is. The oversized pillows she was propped against makes her seem so tiny and she almost blended in with the sheets she was so white.

If he was being honest, she was starting to look worse than she did when she was in the hospital and that definitely concerned him enough to possibly make him take her right back there or at least call Will for his opinion.

Sighing, he uncrosses his arms to move from where he’s been standing a few feet away from the end of the bed holding the prescription bag in a clenched fist.

Her eyes track his movements as he comes to gingerly sit down at the edge of the bed, leaning over on his forearm to look at her closely, “Hailey,” He shakes his head, “Please just take them. At least so you can get some sleep. You look exhausted.”

For a second, he thinks that she’s going to keep fighting him, but then he sees the weak mask she’d had in place slip, the dull look of pain and exhaustion becoming clearly present in her eyes.

“Okay, fine,” She sighs out wearily, and he’s a little surprised that she conceded that quickly even if he knew he’d already won, but then she cocks her head slightly, “What do I get in return?”

Yeah, he didn’t think he’d won that easily.

Jay pushes the flirty and slightly suggestive response that instantly pops into his head to the back of his mind. There would be plenty of time for that later, or at least he desperately hopes so because he knows that now is not the time to start anything of that nature.

When he tells Hailey what she deserves to hear, he wants her feeling halfway decent and looking healthier than she does right now.

If they were in Chicago, he would bribe her with Bartoli’s, but they weren’t. They are in New York and she’s already made it quite clear that the pizza here is a tragedy, so he doesn’t think she’d want that particular food even if he could find a copy-cat deep-dish place.

So, he goes for the next best thing, “What about some Greek? It probably won’t be anything like Greek Islands, but I’m sure I can find a decent place. I could grab you some Pastichio. What do you say?”

The way her eyebrows furrow and her bottom lip sticks out adorably makes him want to kiss the pout away, but he doesn’t.

She shakes her head, “I don’t want Greek.”

Jay bites his lip briefly and refrains from making a comment on the childish tone of her voice as he regards her carefully for a quiet second.

He would never admit it, but he knows he’s a much worse patient when their positions are reversed so he’s more than willing to put up with her stubbornness because he knows it’s just a way to cope with the pain.

And besides, he loves her. He would do whatever he could to make her feel better.

“I’ll get you whatever you want as long as you take your medicine, so why don’t you tell me what it is you’d like to have,” He pushes himself up off his forearm to sit upright, but he still holds her gaze.

She sighs carefully, picking at the covers before answering him, “A Snickers bar.”

Jay raises his brows.

In the years he has known her, he doesn’t think he’s ever seen her eat a candy bar. She could down a piece of chocolate cake at an event, or the random chip bag she’d found during a stakeout, but he doesn’t think he’s ever seen her eat the overly processed candy bar before.

“You like Snickers bars?” He can’t help the slightly disgusted tone of his words.

Hailey’s expression instantly morphs into a defensive one, “A girl can have guilty pleasures, and this just so happens to be mine. Now, you said you’ll get me anything if I take my medicine, so you’re lucky it’s not something like a new gun. Or a car.”

Jay rolls his eyes and Hailey desperately wants to swat him but she’s already in a significant amount of pain so she doesn’t think that would be the wisest decision.

“Relax, I will get you your Snickers bar. I promised, didn’t I?” He smirks a little as he moves off the bed to grab his coat that’s thrown over the back of the desk chair, “I just can’t believe I didn’t know you liked candy bars.”

Shrugging a little, she tries not to wince at the pain that small movement caused her, “I don’t indulge in them much; only when I’m not feeling good or if there’s literally nothing else to eat.”

After gathering up his wallet and phone, Jay stops in the middle of the room to regard her for another moment. He shakes his head, “What else don’t I know about you, Hailey Upton?”

She gives him a little smirk of her own, “Lots of things, I’m sure. I was once told I was aloof about my personal life.”

“And just when I thought I was getting to know the person under that tough exterior,” He feels the smile creep over his face, and he doesn’t care that he probably looks like a man hopelessly in love because he is.

He watches as her own expression softens and for just a moment, their eyes meet. A thousand words of unspoken love pass between them and he can see his entire universe in those captivating, blue orbs just as she can see a million promises in his.

Hailey shifts and winces at the sharp pain it causes her, cursing herself for ruining the moment. Those pain pills she’d tried refusing were looking pretty good right about now as the throbbing intensified around her still tender ribs.

Jay noticed her discomfort. He always does, and she could see the concern so clearly on his face it made her heart swell in love. He’s the most caring man she’s ever met, and it’s one of the things she loves most about him.

“As soon as I get back, you’re taking your meds,” Jay frowns, rubbing his thumb briefly along his hairline before dropping his arm, “I’d give them to you now, but I’m not sure I should leave you alone with narcotics in your system just in case. And besides, you need to take the antibiotics with food, so I’ll pick up something while I’m out.”

She just nods, picking up the remote for the television, “Sounds good. I’ll be here watching whatever trash I can find on TV, so hurry back.”

Jay gives her one last smile that warms her from head to toe before he opens the door and walks out.

*

When Jay walks through the hotel door about an hour later, he has the overwhelming urge to call out a ‘Honey, I’m home’, but he doesn’t want to wake Hailey if she’s sleeping and he’s not sure how she would respond to the term of endearment even if it is said teasingly.

It’s funny how that is the thing he feels would be crossing the practically non-existent line they have towing for the past several days. Or weeks really if he’s honest with himself.

As it turns out, she’s not sleeping but still in very much the same position he’d left her in. The TV was on, a rerun of ‘Happy Days’ playing quietly but she doesn’t seem to be paying much attention. Instead, she’s looking down at the phone in her hand, clearly scrolling through something before glancing up at him.

Her eyebrows rise as she takes in the various Target bags he’s carrying in both hands. Hailey let her phone drop in her lap, more interested in what Jay had bought because all she’d sent him out for were Snickers Bars, “Did you buy the whole store?”

He frowns at her as he finds the bag of take-out Chinese he’d ended up getting for their late lunch-early supper to set on the nightstand, “No, I did not, but I did get real food and,” He holds up the other bags he was carrying, “I got you your Snickers.”

Whatever else he’d bought was forgotten as she beamed up at him, already reaching for the candy bar he was digging for throughout his purchases. When he finally found what he was looking for, he tossed it to her, and she immediately ripped open the wrapper.

He makes a face as she bites into the sugary chocolate, “I still don’t know how you eat that crap.”

She responds with an eyeroll because her mouth was too full to make a witty comeback.

“You could at least wait till you ate actual food first,” Jay arched a disapproving eyebrow, his nose wrinkling as he watched her make an obvious display of enjoying her treat. He shakes his head and deposits the Target bags on the lower end of the bed to pull out the bottles of vitamin water he’d bought for her.

“Here, I got your favorite and a couple of new ones for you to try,” He handed her the blackberry flavored one before retrieving the pill bottles that were sitting on the nightstand beside their bag of food.

He read the instructions on each bottle then opened the oxycodone to dump one out, “Okay, you can have one right now and,” He checked his watch, “One at around seven then another at eleven.”

Hailey frowns, but takes the pill out of his outstretched palm anyway, “I hate the way these make me feel. My head feels fuzzy, and I can’t think clearly.”

Jay gives her a sympathetic smile and offers a simple, “I know” because he does know, but he also knows that if she has any hope of getting rest tonight, she needed to be well medicated.

“Maybe tomorrow we’ll try going all day without pain meds, okay? I just want to make sure you have a good night’s rest tonight since it’s your first night out of the hospital,” He tells her as he shakes out an antibiotic pill and then the iron supplement the doctor had prescribed her with for the next few days to hand to her.

Nodding, she knocks the three pills back and takes a swig of her vitamin water. Meeting his gaze, she reaches out to grab his hand and gives it a tight squeeze, “Thank you, Jay.”

The heavy tension that settles over them is now a familiar one and it’s almost comforting in a way as she tells him with her eyes how grateful she is for him.

After a few moments of silence, she clears her throat and withdraws her hand, turning her attention to the bags of stuff piled on the bed, “So, what’d you get?”

Jay blinks, shaking himself out of the trance they’d just been in as he rifled through the things he’d bought, pulling them out to show Hailey, “Well, I did some research and according to WebMD which was confirmed by my brother, weighted blankets can help with muscle soreness and speed up the recovery process.”

“I also got some ice packs,” He dumps out about a dozen before reaching in yet another bag, “And I picked up some of your favorite movies as well as a couple of pairs of fuzzy socks because I know you didn’t pack any and the hospital socks are terrible.”

The tears that spring to her eyes aren’t unexpected because the fact that he knows and remembers how much she loves wearing fuzzy socks when she’s at home decompressing tells her how much he cares even if he hasn’t really said it out loud yet.

The research, the weighted blanket, the movies, the treats, the socks; it’s slightly overbearing, but it’s sweet and it’s so undeniably him that it makes her heart hurt with the love she has for him.

She gives him a soft smile, “For someone who claims to not know me, he sure does take care of me and brings me all of my favorite things.”

“Well, after four years I would hope to know some things,” Jay smirks at her before moving to put the ice packs in the small fridge/freezer combo they had in the room.

He looks back at her over his shoulder, “But, I somehow missed your Snickers habit and it makes me wonder what else I should probably know, but don’t.”

Rolling her eyes, she watches as Jay moves back over to the bed, going for the food he’d sat on the nightstand.

“You know you’re not exactly an open book,” She points out with a wry smile.

He’s not an open book, it’s true, and even though she’s teasing him about it, she knows him better than anyone. Maybe better than even Will knows him. Maybe better than he even knows himself, and it’s ironic because the way she knows him better than anyone is more so through his actions and not his words.

She knows his heart through his acts of compassion. She knows his mind through his steady emotions. And she knows him because he lets her see the deepest parts of himself, unspoken secrets swimming in his eyes and dark memories whispered over drinks.

She knows the things that matter and the same could be said about the things he knows about her, but now that it’s being brought up, she does wonder if there are any meaningless habits she hasn’t bared witness to.

If her mind goes straight to those of a personal nature such as nighttime routines and shower preferences, then she’d never admit it.

“Well,” He handed her a container of Shrimp Lo Mein, “We’re stuck in this hotel room with basically nothing to do so,” Jay sat down on the bed, facing her with his own container of Chinese, “Let’s play a game.”

Hailey arches a skeptical eyebrow, “A game?”

“Yeah,” Jay nods as he takes a bite of his own Lo Mein, “Like one of those ‘get to know you’ games since we apparently don’t know much about each other.”

She frowns, a little unconvinced at this plan and what it could entail, but she’s curious and the slight woozy feeling she feels from the pain meds makes her ask, “What kind of ‘get to know you’ game? Like truth or dare?”

Smirking, he shakes his head, “No. Although, that could be extremely entertaining.”

“Uh-uh. No way am I drinking a bottle of hot sauce or jumping off the balcony or some other insanely difficult thing that you would think was easy,” She takes a bite of her food, trying to shake back the loose hair that keeps falling into her face, “I just had surgery.”

He’s full-on grinning now, chuckling at her impassioned response, “Nothing like that. I was thinking more along the lines of 21 Questions.”

Hailey tries to take another bite of her food, but her hair gets in the way again. She’s starting to get frustrated at the locks that keep falling into her eyes and mouth, making it hard to eat.

Sticking her chopsticks into the take-out container, she uses the now free hand to push her hair behind her ears as she shrugs, “Alright then. We don’t really have anything better to do other than watch movies and eat takeout anyways.”

The way his eyes sparkle at her answer is worth all the cheesy questions she’s sure he’s going to ask.

He stands up, shoving a used napkin into his now empty takeout container and she’s always amazed at how quickly he can down food when he wants to, “We can alternate asking questions and we don’t have to ask exactly 21 questions. It can be more, or it can be less.”

He throws his trash away and starts cleaning up the bed, moving all of the empty Target bags and the stuff he bought off to one side, “Is there anything off limits?”

She hesitates before saying no, shaking her head because while her natural inclination is to keep everything close to the vest, she knows there is nothing that she wouldn’t share with Jay if he asked her.

He makes her feel safe, and she’s constantly finding herself telling him things that she’d never said out loud before anyway, so she already knows that he will guard her secrets and feelings and thoughts deep in his own heart as if they were his own.

It’s like he knows what she’s thinking because the way he smiles at her is so gentle and the secretive sparkle in his eyes is what tells her that the same goes for him.

“You wanna go first or do you want me to?” Jay cocks his head, looking at her as he tears into the weighted blanket.

“You can go first,” She goes to take another bite of food when her hair falls into her face for what feels like the hundredth time.

She sighs internally, her frustration going unnoticed by Jay who had turned back towards the movies he’d bought, opening each of them as he tells her he has to make this first question a good one.

Pretty quickly after waking up from surgery, Hailey had found putting her hair up in its typical ponytail an almost impossible task because every time she raised her arms to gather her hair up, her stitches would pull, and her ribs protested loudly.

After several failed attempts that left her eyes watering, she ended up having a nurse put it up for her and she continued to ask for it done in the mornings before Jay arrived at the hospital to keep her company.

But now, there was no nurse to gather up her long, annoying hair when it keeps falling in her face and even though she’s stubborn enough to try it, Hailey knows if she pulls on her stitches or possibly breaks one, then she’s going to be paying for it tomorrow all because she wanted to put her hair up herself.

She sighs again, this one audible as she sets her Chinese container on the nightstand, “Jay?”

“Yeah?” He turns to look at her, his brows furrowed in concern.

Hailey bites her lip sheepishly as she snaps the elastic band around her wrist against her skin, “Can you put my hair up?”

He looks surprised for a moment before he smirks at the slight blush dusting her cheeks at having to ask for help with a task this simple, “Of course I can, Hailey.”

She hands him the ponytail holder as he walks over to the side of the bed, “But I will warn you. I’ve never done this before.”

She wants to tease him. Maybe tell him he’d better start practicing now if he ever hopes for a daughter one day, but it feels too on the nose when she wants that daughter to be hers too.

So instead, she smirks at him as he moves behind her to start gathering her hair up in awkward chunks. Hailey glances at him out of the corner of her eye, fake gasping, “Don’t tell me that the brave and noble Detective Jay Halstead, the man who jumps over moving cars and shoots sniper rifles doesn’t know how to put hair up in a ponytail.”

“Oh, shut up,” He grumbles good-naturedly, still trying to smooth her blonde hair into his loosely closed fist on top of her head, “It’s not like I’ve really had the opportunity or need to practice.”

Chuckling, she lets him concentrate on pulling her hair through the elastic and tries not to get lost in the feeling of his fingers in her hair and the warmth radiating off him. Her eyes flutter close and she marvels at how gentle he is even with the strength of his hands, well-conditioned in the act of squeezing a trigger.

And just like when making those shots, the precision in which he does everything is still there as he carefully tightens the elastic, securing her hair into place.

Hot breath hit the back of her now exposed neck and she can’t help but shiver. Before he’s stepping away, she swears she feels his hands brush her skin and she wonders if he’s equally as affected as she was by his closeness.

But before it can turn into anything, he’s smiling and settling back into his spot at the foot of the bed, gesturing to the ponytail he’d just completed, “It’s not as good as you do it, but I think it’ll pass.”

“I’m sure it’s fine, Jay. It’s out of my face and it’s not like anyone will see it,” She grins at him as she picks up her food, intending to finish it off now that her hair won’t get in her way.

Jay frowns teasingly, “Hey, and what about me? Am I not someone?”

She smiles softly in amusement, “You’ve seen me in worse states and you’re not just anyone, you know that. You’re my best friend, Jay,” She hesitates because she knows that’s not strictly true. He is her best friend and he’s her partner but he’s also the man she loves, and it would be so easy to let the truth slip out.

Looking at him, she sees something in his eyes that looks like hope or maybe anticipation and she wonders if he thinks she’s going to tell him the one secrete she just can’t seem to get out. Maybe she would have told him if they sat there for a few seconds longer, but his phone buzzes and the moment is gone before it really even began.

Hailey wonders if phones are going to be their downfall.

She thinks she sees disappointment flash across his face, but she blinks and he’s looking at his phone with a serious expression.

“Is everything okay?” Her brow furrows as she watches him type out a quick response and put the device back into his pocket.

He shakes his head, sighing, “That was Kev. The Latin Players are on the verge of waging war against a new up and coming gang called The Jets.”

Interjecting, Hailey raises a brow, “As in West Side Story?”

“Yep,” Jay lets out a wry chuckle, “Anyway, the team flipped someone on The Jets’ side, and it looks like they are possibly willing to play ball so Kev was asking for some background info on my Latin Player connect because Intelligence is going to attempt to negotiate a truce before it can escalate to a full-blown gang war.”

She groans quietly, all too aware of the potential complications and ramifications that come from this type of violence, “That’s just what the city needs. A gang war.”

He huffs in agreement, dropping his head in disgust and she can see the tension in his shoulders. Even eight-hundred miles away, the crime and the innocent people that inevitably gets tangled up in it affects him.

Hailey frowns, her eyebrows furrowing in concern. She reaches out a hand to lightly touch his bent knee, “Jay.”

He looks up at her and the empathy she sees in his eyes makes her heart swell in what’s becoming a familiar sensation. Love and pride and admiration and respect for this man she has the privilege to know.

Her eyes soften and she smiles gently at him, an earnest look on her face, “If you need to go home, go home Jay. I’ll be alright here by myself. I don’t need you to take care of me.”

If the situation wasn’t so serious, she might have laughed at the way his eyebrows shoot up in surprise, clearly not expecting those words to come out of her mouth.

Recovering, his eyebrows furrow and he shakes his head adamantly, “No way. They can get along without me. I’m not leaving here without you and I don’t care if you think you can take care of yourself because who’s going to help you change your bandages or make you take your medicine or keep you company?”

He challenges in a slightly playful manner, but the eyebrow he raises dares her to contradict him and she knows he is serious, “Besides, I need to be here if I want to keep my own peace of mind. I don’t work well without you, so I’m not sure how much help I’d be anyway.”

She knows that no matter the circumstance, Jay would always perform above and beyond the call of duty, but she also knows that this is his way of telling her that he needs her and the way he was willing to stay with her in New York makes her heart stutter in yet another way.

Before she can dwell on the feeling any further, he’s smiling again, his eyes crinkling with mischief, “Now back to the game. I think I have the perfect question for you.”

Sorry it ended in a bit of an awkward spot, but I decided to split it into two parts when I hit 10,000 words and I still wasn’t done yet lol so I didn’t know this was going to be the ending of a chapter.

I’d love to hear what you thought and stay tuned for part three!

[keanureevesisbae]

The alluring charm of Henry Cavill - Chapter 8

Summary: The Celebrity Project has ended, however there is still a little event, where the contestants comment on favorite moments selected by fans. However, there is one big revelation.

Henry Cavill x Adelaide Park (ofc)

Wordcount: 2.6k

Warnings: Just messing with the otp, that’s all

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

Three days pass. Henry and I are still in the cottage, but there are no cameras around us. I think I am and will be forever grateful that they are gone now. We can finally breath and act like a normal couple. Thanks to the Celebrity Project, I met Henry and I’m thankful that I did, but those camera’s are a pain in the ass and will never be missed.

Jennifer Lopez and Charlie Puth showed everyone that they were a whole lot better than the rest of us. Henry and I came in second, but we are fan favorites and to be honest: I think that is the best prize I could’ve ever won. Tonight there is a special live event with the other duos and after that, it’s officially over.

I can’t wait for that.

I keep trying to make some lunch for Henry and me, but ever since the camera’s are gone, Henry has turned into a piece of velcro. He distracts me with kisses on my temple, wraps his strong arms around my waist as he stands behind me. ‘Stop tickling me,’ I chuckle, as he pushes up my shirt, so he can touch my bare skin.

‘I’m not tickling you,’ he retorts with a chuckle. ‘I’m hugging you.’

‘You are tickling me,’ I laugh. ‘Come on, Henry, pasta will be ruined.’

He simply shrugs. ‘I don’t care.’

‘You are awfully clingy,’ I note. ‘What is up with you?’

Henry reaches over to turn off the gas and turns me around, to hide his face in my neck, kissing me there. ‘Just obsessed with you.’ He bites his lip when he looks at me again. ‘You look beautiful, Addy. Every time I look at you, you are even more beautiful than you were the last time I saw you.’

This should not make me blush, but obviously it does anyways. Everything he says and does to me, I turn into a giggling and blushing mess. ‘Shut up,’ I whisper.

‘No, never.’ He hoists me up in his arms with a satisfied grin on his face and carries me as if I’m nothing to the couch.

I sit on his lap and whisper: ‘What are you doing, Henry?’

He takes a deep breath, as he frowns a bit. ‘Am I going too fast?’ he then asks. ‘I can stop if you want me to, Addy.’

‘No, no,’ I say. ‘I like this, I really do, but it’s real now. I haven’t done this when it’s real.’ I simply shrug and add: ‘And now you stare at me and I figure there is so much going on inside your head and I have no idea what.’

His hands rest on my hips, his eyes locked with mine and a small smile toys on his face. ‘You want to know what is going on inside my head?’

‘Yes.’

‘I keep thinking about how I’m so lucky. I didn’t even want to participate,’ he admits. ‘But I met you here and fell in love so quickly. I have never fallen in love with anyone this fast. I keep asking myself what I did to deserve you. You deserve so much better than this. Better than me.’

I shake my head. ‘Don’t cut yourself short like that, Henry. If there is someone who doesn’t deserve this, it’s me. And don’t you dare to tell me otherwise.’

But Henry wouldn’t be Henry, because he already opens his mouth, daring to tell me otherwise. I lean in, to shut him up with a kiss. While he lets it happen and I fully surrender myself to his lips, his words keep running through my mind. He is falling in love with me. I’m falling in love with him.

When I let go, I let out a shaky breath. So much is running through my mind. Love, fear, lust.

‘Come here,’ he whispers, pulling me close to his chest as I melt against his frame. ‘You are tense. What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing.’ However, I just come to a realization. ‘Oh my.’

‘What is it?’

‘Are you my boyfriend?’

Henry starts to laugh, letting his head fall back.

‘Why are you laughing at me?’ I ask him, slapping him across his chest. ‘Forget I asked.’ I already want to step off his lap, however he is faster and stronger. He pulls me flush against his chest. ‘Let me go,’ I laugh.

‘I wasn’t laughing at you, Addy. I was laughing because you are adorable. If you want me to be your boyfriend, I’d be honored.’

Good thing I was already blushing. ‘You want me as your girlfriend?’ I ask him.

‘I’d love that.’ He places his hands on both sides of my face and runs his thumbs over my lips. ‘You are beautiful and my girlfriend.’ He sounds so giddy and my heart misses a few beats. ‘My girlfriend Adelaide Park.’

◎ ◎ ◎

Henry has wrapped his thick arm around my shoulders as we sit outside our cottage in front of some large screens. We are catching up with the other couples and Jennifer mentions something about not being able to wait until she can sleep in her own bed again and not hearing Charlie snore again.

‘And from the looks of it,’ Justin says to me, ‘You two will be sharing a bed more often.’

‘Don’t say stuff like that,’ I chuckle, as I am nearly puking with embarrassment.

Justin starts to chuckle. ‘So, what did you two do these days without camera’s?’

His wife Hailey slaps his stomach. ‘Don’t tease her like that. Look at her cheeks.’ She turns to Henry and says: ‘Come on, mister Witcher, protect your girl.’

Henry only clears his throat and Justin quickly tells us that he won’t do it anymore. The energy Henry Cavill possesses.

I now know for a fact that I should never ever let him go.

Jennifer quickly gives a short speech, telling us how great it was to get to know us, to be part of this first ever season of the program and how much she would love it, if we would do a reunion after a few months.

We watch some fan reactions of the last episode and much to my dismay, we have to rewatch our kiss a billion times. It’s embarrassing to watch the first time, but it’s not getting any easier the fourth or eight time.

‘Look at this response on Twitter,’ Jennifer laughs. ‘“They are so cute, it makes me wanna hurl”. You two are disgustingly cute, that’s a truth.’

The night continues and I hum in content when I know it’s almost over. We watch footage of us when we first arrived here, the only ones not being awkward, were Justin and Hailey obviously.

‘But, what was Henry like before he started here?’ the voiceover of a man sounds through the boxes. He tenses up beside me and I look at him, before I return my eyes back to the screen again.

Henry is in an office I don’t recognize, with men I don’t know. ‘I have to work with her?’ I hear Henry ask, as he is looking at my headshot. ‘This is so unfair. Have you any idea how unfair this is? I’m supposed to win this thing. How am I gonna win this, if I have to work with her?’

I swallow hard, as I stare at the screen and sit up straight. I shrug off his arm from my shoulders. Is this real?

‘We never said it would be easy, Henry,’ I hear someone else say. ‘But work with Adelaide, make sure you two can win this thing and please, don’t make it too obvious what your intentions are.’

I feel tears in my eyes. Intentions…

‘Fine, but when I win, James Bond is mine?’ Henry asks.

‘Addy, listen to me,’ Henry whispers, but I don’t. I listen to what is happening on the screen. I recognize this, when the screen switches to outside. This was the day we went shopping, the day where we snuck in kisses.

‘You’re losing, Henry. You what that means, right? You’re not getting James Bond,’ a different male voice says.

‘We’re not too far behind,’ Henry answers. ‘I’ll get her to man up, so we can win this.’

I think I would’ve preferred if Henry just punched my nose back into my face. I’ll get her to man up? Did he seriously just say that.

‘And, I never knew you were such a good actor. I almost believed you actually care about her.’

On screen Henry sighs. ‘Maybe after this, I’ll get even more jobs.’

The air has turned cold as ice. Everyone is quiet and I stare at the blacked out screen. The only thing I hear is the pounding of my heart in my ears. My eye twitches as my jaw clenches. I need to get out of here. I need to get away from him.

Henry carefully places a hand on my back, but I stand up and walk inside. Thankfully we were at our cottage, since it has the best lighting, so I’m back there in a few seconds. I slam the door shut behind me and rush to the living room.

I should’ve known. I should’ve fucking known. This was obviously too good to be true. How could I be such an idiot?  Finally, fucking finally I have cleared my reputation of being so stupid and ditzy and now this happens. The whole world knows I simply fell for Henry Cavill, because I was easy.

I’m such a dumb cow.

‘Addy, let me explain,’ Henry says, who walks into our bedroom. No wait, not our bedroom. The bedroom. A bedroom.

I grab my suitcase before I place it on the bed. ‘What is there to explain?’ I ask him, as I start folding my clothes. ’It was pretty fucking obvious to me. You only par- parti- par-ti-ci-pa-ted to get that stupid James Bond part. You don’t like me, despite what you said to me. You just used me to get the job and more job offers.’ I push passed him, to grab my stuff from the bathroom.

At that exact moment a cameraman barges in, not wanting to let this moment go to waste, but somehow I don’t seem to care. I don’t even want to care. I’m just too mad at him right now to give a damn.

‘I didn’t use you,’ Henry says.

I open the door a lot harder than I’m supposed to, letting it smash against the wall, as my eyes fill with tears, all because of his wrong doing. ‘Enlighten me, Henry, what did you do then? Because judging from what you and I just watched and the rest of the world just watched, it made it seem like you were using me to get what you wanted.’

He sighs. ‘I meant what I said to you. I like you and I am falling in love with you.’

‘Hurray,’ I deadpan. I put everything in my suitcase and close it.

Henry swallows hard. ‘Where are you going?’

‘I’m going to the airport, so I can buy myself a ticket home, to visit my parents. You know, I know for a fact that they care about me for who I am and they would never ever use me the way you used me.’ I stare at my suitcase for a while and seeing my passport on top of it, makes a sob leave my eyes. I hide my face in both of my hands, as my shoulders shake when I cry.

‘No, Addy, please,’ he says, placing his hand on my shoulder, but I slap him away.

‘Stay away from me,’ I spit out, ‘and don’t you dare call me Addy anymore. Let… Le… Let me…’ Why can’t I find the right words to say now? ‘I’m going to tell you a few things and you cannot interrupt me.’

‘Okay,’ he simply says.

‘You stay as far from me as possible. I would like you to never ever mention me in an in… interview again. I don’t want you in my life anymore, neither do I want to be part of yours. You bet… betra…’ I take a deep breath as I try to get the word out of my mouth correctly. ‘You be-tray-ed me, Henry. You used me and I genuinely thought you cared about me. You know how hard it is for me to open up and… Never mind, I just hate the way you make me feel right now.’

‘There isn’t anything I can do to make it up to you?’ he asks. ‘Because I want to make this up to you. There must be something.’

I shake my head. ‘This isn’t something you can fix. What you told whoever those men were and what you told me… Those things aren’t the same. It’s either one or the other. And yes, you can change your mind, but the least you could’ve done, is told me about it. If you meant what you said to me, you would’ve had the decency to be honest with me. You should’ve told me your second agenda before you told me you fell in love with me, before you kissed me.’

Henry blinks a few times. ‘Adelaide, this can’t be the end.’

‘It’s the end,’ I say with more certainty than I have ever heard myself speak with. I simply grab my suitcases and walk out of the room.

Tears run over my cheeks as I brush passed the others, who want to know if I’m okay, but I’m not. I’m not okay and I know I won’t be for awhile. I need to go to see my dad, to hug my mom. I don’t want to be in Italy anymore, I need to go home and be with them.

I already spot a taxi at the stand, but before I can approach him, I hear a: ‘Adelaide, please wait a second.’

I stop walking and I hear two pair of footsteps. Those stupid camera people, I’m not going to miss them.

‘Don’t I get to say something to you?’ he asks, as he stands in front of me.

‘You said enough behind my back already,’ I tell him. ‘Get out of the way. Don’t make this harder than it already is.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Sorry won’t cut it,’ I tell him, a lot harsher than I did before.

Henry rubs his face, before gently holding my hand. I know I shouldn’t let him do this, but I just want to feel his touch one more time, because I know this is going to be the last time I’ll ever feel it.

‘Henry, please, let me go.’

‘I am willing to do anything in the world to make it up to you, Adelaide Park. You are one of a kind. You are the one that I want to get to know even better.’

‘Don’t,’ I say. ‘Just don’t. Don’t contact me ever again, don’t audition for the part as my love interest and please if you ever see me before I see you, walk away. I can’t have you in my life.’

‘No, please,’ Henry says, holding my hand up to his chest, placing his other on top of his own. ‘I can’t lose you, Adelaide. What I said to my agent, before we met… It was true. I only participated because I wanted James Bond, but what I told you is true as well. I don’t want James Bond anymore. I just want you.’

‘Let me go,’ I say, not looking at him. ‘Please, Henry, now.’

‘Adelaide,’ he whispers.

‘Right now.’

He lets go of my hand and sighs deeply. ‘Is this the end?’ he asks. ‘Please, this can’t be the end.’

My sniffle is his answer and it’s all I can give him. ‘Goodbye, Henry.’

[anotheronechicagobog]

Volomag and Vodka - Part 9.1 - Reckoning

written by @anotheronechicagobog

warnings: swearing, mention of police brutality, Hank Voight is a monster and deserves to burn, Hailey is stressed

It was a bright, sunny summer day when Hank Voight was arrested. The sun was out with only a few clouds in the sky, and a nice breeze ensuring no one got too hot. Children were playing street hockey a couple of houses down, though they did stop to look at all the police cars at their old, grumpy neighbour’s house. The ice cream truck came down the street after they’d loaded him into a squad car in cuffs and over half the cops there got themselves some ice cream to celebrate (they’d also bought some for the kids playing outside with their parents’ permission because it was just such a lovely day and the CPD was feeling victorious). Intelligence, minus Kim and Hailey, had stood on the other side of the street, just watching with blank expressions on their faces. All they could think was ‘we should have done this sooner’. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Jay and Hailey entered the 21st district a week later everyone stopped and stared. The patrol officers, the civilian employees, the confused as hell civilians who had no idea why everyone just stopped to stare at two cops, and the unfamiliar desk Sargent. They went upstairs to put their stuff at their desks and wait for IA to get there. 

When Hailey shot Roy, IA did their usual routine and sat everyone who was involved down separately to figure out what happened and take action accordingly. Voight gave the usual “it was him or me, why are you here, it obviously wasn’t my fault, this is total bullshit” routine that 99.9% of cops do when IA takes to them. When they sat Hailey down, they were expecting the same thing and promptly received a shocking case of whiplash from the plot twist Hailey slammed down on the table the second she walked in. After a stressed-out Hailey slammed the USB on the table she verbally dragged Voight to his grave by the throat. That meeting, which was only supposed to take an hour, took all day. Seriously, it lasted so long they ordered lunch partway through. By the end, Hailey was harried and tired, her hair was out of its tight bun and her dress uniform collar was slightly askew, but she felt a thousand pounds lighter.

“Detective Upton? Thank you, for coming forward with this. We’ve always known what he was like, but we could never get anyone to actually say anything, and we are embarrassed that we’re the ones who got him out of prison in the first place because he really should’ve just been kept there.”

“Hank Voight has this... Aura, about him, that makes it hard to oppose him because you know that he’s not afraid of killing you and getting away with it. It wouldn’t phase him. And this isn’t theory or thought, it is fact because we know he’s done it before, and he’s been doing it for a long time.” Miller quirked her eyebrow, questioning. “The silos. He got Olinsky to take the fall, even if Voight did exonerate him after his murder, he still let his best friend and closest companion take the fall for several murders he committed. And that’s just one of the instances Voight’s shown that he would bury us in a second if he felt like it.”

“What?” Commissioner Miller looked more shocked than she had at any other point that day, the older woman had really thought that Hank Voight couldn’t keep surprising her, yet here she was, sitting to the left of three IA officials and a member of the DA across from a small blonde who looks like she just can’t do it anymore. “Detective Upton, can you please elaborate on that? Has Sargent Voight ever threatened you or another member of intelligence?” And the questioning and answering started all over again and went several hours into the night. 

By the time everything that needed to be said had been voiced aloud, it was nearing midnight. “Thank you for your time detective Upton, we’ll take it from here.” She left the ivory tower feeling dead and free at the same time. She knew that she made the right decision, that she should have made this decision long ago, but she couldn’t help thinking about what the consequences would be for her. 

They didn’t have to wait long, ten minutes after the pair had arrived the IA officers and DA who had been in Hailey’s meeting followed behind Miller and ahead of Platt. Miller spoke first, commanding the room. “Morning everyone. As you know, Sargent Hank Voight has been arrested. Sargent Platt will be taking over for the foreseeable future, the district attorney has filed charges against him, and all of you will be asked to take the stand and speak in court. Detective Upton, a word?”

“Of course.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One thing that Hailey had feared but accepted was that charges would be pressed against her and she would go to prison, but she couldn’t sit by anymore. It had to be done, no matter what the cost. IA and the DA had cleared that up the second they all stepped into the break room. “You’re not being arrested. You went to stop Voight and ended up having to save him, however, you need to be ready for the wolves. The blue line, Voight, and black lives matter are all going to come at you. You’re a good detective, we’ll do our best to help you but...”

“It’s probably going to be a lost cause, I know, I knew that when I came forward. Thank you, for your help and your time.” The IA officers left the room to go speak with the others quickly before heading back to the ivory tower. “We should all let you get back to work, but I’ll be contacting you later to come by my office so we can go over the details of your statement and if you have any more evidence against Hank Voight.” Hailey and the DA exchanged business cards before shaking hands and exchanging goodbyes. “Detective, how are you feeling?” Miller’s eyes were knowing and piercing, Hailey knew that lying at this point would be futile. “I’m scared. I’ve worked hard for what I have and faced a lot of challenges and it might all be taken away. I feel like a rabbit in a snake pit. I’ve always spent my career backing into a corner if I’m being honest, being pushed and provoked to fail or fall in line, I just thought I had more time until my back was against the wall.” The deafening silence reminded her of when she had to sit in school counsellor’s offices and explain her bruises. “I don’t know what to do.” Miller nodded before putting her hand on the doorknob, ready to leave and let her unit, let Jay, comfort her. “Well, Upton, lucky for you I do.”

[detectivejay-chuckles-halstead]

Hello Again // Pt 3 // Jay Halstead x Reader

Description: You and Jay bond over a mutual understanding while you figure yourself out. 

Words: 3708

Warnings: Domestic Violence, PTSD, Anxiety

Pairing: Jay x Reader

A/N: Thank you all for the continued support. It’s hard for me to write this seeing as it hits a little too close to home. But I do it 1) to help me process it and 2) to bring awareness to the struggles of domestic violence. I hope you all enjoy the new chapter. 

Part 1   Part 2

The weekend went smooth, Jay having switched out with Kim on Saturday night and Hailey taking over Sunday. You weren't expecting Jay until Monday night, but you'd mentioned having to change forms at Blake's school. Which is why he was waiting outside with a McDonald's bag for both you and Blake. 

"Jay!" Blake called out when he saw the man, running to him and giving him a hug. 

"Hey, buddy. I got you breakfast," he told the boy, handing him his McDonald's bag. He stood up, opening the backdoor of his truck to let Blake climb in. You relaxed as he shut the door, letting him take you in his arms. "You feeling okay? Heard it was a rough weekend."

"I'm doing okay. Just figuring out next steps. I know I shouldn't but-" He cut you off. 

"It's okay to make plans, Y/N. I'd be worried if you weren't. Plus, you're stuck with me all day. Food?" You laughed as you took the bag before he helped you in the truck. 

Blake spent the drive in a mix of eating and talking Jay's ear off. It definitely hadn't been a smooth weekend, but Blake seemed to be taking it in strides compared to you. He'd told him about the social worker and the nice doctor at the hospital. 

Dr Charles had spoken to you before you'd left that day, suggesting both you and Blake made appointments. You were more than considering it, already figuring out scheduling with his office. It seemed like a good idea. He’d told you that it didn’t seem like Blake really had any severe lasting effects aside from anxiety -- which he assured was a good thing, that it could have been much worse. It still made you feel like a horrible parent. Dr Charles had really stressed the importance of you coming to see him, though. With your anxiety and panic attacks, the lasting physical trauma as well as the emotional. You weren’t going to deny that you were struggling even after just a few days after leaving Jason. 

“Can you come in with me?” you asked Jay softly as he neared the school. His response was just reaching over and taking your hand in his own, giving you that silent confirmation that he wasn’t going anywhere. You allowed some of the tension to drop out of your shoulders. Already, doing this was going to be a bit easier with Jay next to you. 

“You ready, buddy?” Jay asked your son, looking at Blake in the rearview mirror as soon as the truck was in park 

“Yeah!” he agreed with a smile, unbuckling his seatbelt. The three of you got out of the car, Jay’s hand brushing yours as you walked. You decided to take a move, albeit a small one, linking your pinky with his. As much as you wanted to see his reaction, you kept looking ahead. If you were being honest, you were scared. But you knew that was okay, feeling his pinky tighten just enough to keep a hold.

The two of you walked Blake to his classroom before going to the front office. 

“Hello, Mrs Franklin,” Patricia the office assistant greeted with a smile. “And who do you have with you today?”

“I’m actually here to change Blake’s emergency contact paperwork. Jason and I are splitting,” you informed her. Jay’s hand came to rest on your lower back. “I need to take Jason off the paperwork, as well as remove him as an authorized guardian to take Blake off school property. And I need to add Jay here in his place.”

“Okay, let me grab that paperwork,” she agreed, getting up and walking to the filing cabinet. You were startled when Jay leaned in, mouth next to your ear. 

“What are you doing?” he whispered, hand still resting on your back. 

“You’re his father, Jay,” you reminded him. “And I know we haven’t talked about how much you want to be involved, but you have as much of the right to be on that paperwork as I do. I wasn’t planning on doing it today, just taking Jason off. But...you were here.” You looked up at him, a soft smile on your lips as he nodded in agreement. 

“The two of you just need to fill out this paperwork,” Patricia told the two of you, handing over a clipboard. 

“I should let you know…” But Jay didn’t let you get it out before he grabbed it from Patricia, looking between you and the paperwork. “I was going to tell you before you grabbed the paperwork,” you sighed. 

“You could have told me days ago that his name is Blake Halstead,” he reminded you. It was true, but you were already so scared he was going to run. 

“Can we just...do this paperwork?” He nodded, focusing his attention on the paperwork. There really wasn’t anything for you to fill out besides your agreement signature. 

“Here you go,” Jay told Patricia, handing her the clipboard. “Could you also do us a favor?” The older woman nodded in agreement. “If Jason shows up here at all, give me a call.” He handed her his card, getting a nod as she slid it in Blake’s file. The two of you walked out of the school, and you couldn’t help but be a bit tense. You weren’t sure how upset Jay was about the revelation. Over the past three years, you’d learned to think that every argument, every disagreement, every silent treatment, every screaming match would turn nuclear. It was ingrained in your head that violence could happen at the drop of a hat. 

-----

Things seemed to be going well. The two of you had gotten married less than a month ago; the honeymoon phase of your relationship was still in full effect. Jason seemed to love Blake like he was his own. That was all you could ever ask for, hope for. And he treated you like you were his world. 

“What’s this?” he asked you one night as you were laid out on the couch, Blake having already gone to bed. You were engrossed in a book, so you didn’t look up. “I asked you, what is this?” he asked again, grabbing your book and holding up a cocktail napkin. 

“Some guy slipped me his number last week. I was gonna throw it away when I did laundry tomorrow,” you answered as you sat up, not sure why he was making a big deal out of it. 

“Did you call him?” Jason then followed up with. There was no way he was getting jealous was there? He knew you wouldn’t cheat on him, right?

“Of course not, Jason. I love you. Nobody else,” you assured him, standing up and cupping his cheek. He backed up, balling up the napkin and tossing it on the floor. “Why are you making this such a big deal?”

“You’re the one with some random guy’s phone number!” he corrected. All you saw in his eyes was rage before you felt the sting on your cheek, tears coming to your eyes. You were too shocked to do anything besides look at the floor where your eyes landed after the impact. If only you’d known then that it was only going to be the first time, not even close to the last. 

-----

“You do this thing where you space out,” Jay mentioned, rousing you again, You hadn’t realized you’d leaned your head on the window, staring out at the traffic, too lost in your own thoughts. “Talk to me, please?”

“Dr Charles said the same thing the other day,” you mumbled, continuing to watch the cars go by as he drove. You weren’t sure where you were at or where you were going. The only thing you did know was that you were safe as long as Jay was there. “He said he thinks it’s me disassociating as a coping mechanism.”

“Do you remember when we first met, how much of a mess I was?” You nodded, feeling his hand on yours. You weren’t sure if he was trying to get more of your attention or if it was just a comforting thing for him. He’d always been a touchy kind of guy. “Disassociating is very common in PTSD.”

“I don’t have PTSD, Jay,” you corrected, glancing over at him, seeing him perplexed. You weren’t sure why though, eyes back out the window. “You have a reason to have PTSD, a war you fought in. I don’t.”

“It’s not called Shell Shock anymore for a reason, Y/N. Anybody can get PTSD. You lived -- more or less -- in a hostage situation for the past three years. I may not know exactly what you went through, or those feelings. But I am here for you. I understand the anxiety and the triggers and the flashbacks. Even if you aren’t experiencing them, or if you don’t realize you are. You have somebody here who understands.” You squeezed his hand, the neighborhood beginning to look very familiar. 

“Why are we here?” you asked, breath catching in your throat. 

Your heart started pounding in your chest. You couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t you breathe? You didn’t feel the truck stop, breaths shallow and fast as you gripped his hand like a vise. You weren’t supposed to be here. Jay had promised...You never had to go back. Never. That’s why you left. Thoughts swirled in your head, not able to pick out just one. You felt his hands on you, felt him turn your head to look at him. 

“Y/N, look at me,” he instructed, but it sounded like you were underwater, blood rushing in your ears. “Look at me. Focus on me.” His hands cupped your cheeks, pulling you back just enough to focus. Not enough to calm down though. “He’s not here. My team has made sure of it.” 

You tried listening, but all you could see was Jason. He was going to be inside. You knew it. He was going to be inside, and he was going to kill you.

“Do you trust me?” Jay then asked. That was a loaded question. Of course you trusted him. It was Jason you didn’t trust. You just nodded, not trusting your voice. “We’re going to go inside. You’re going to pack whatever you need or want to take. And then we’re going to go back to the apartment. Ruzek and Kim are tailing Jason right now. They’ll let me know if he heads this way. You’re safe. I promise. Just breathe with me. You’re safe.” 

He began doing a deep breathing exercise which you mimicked the best you could, finally feeling like your chest wasn’t collapsing in on itself. Your heart was still racing. You were still terrified. But Jay knew what he was talking about. Right? The two of you sat there, staring at each other, breathing for another five minutes before he led you inside. 

-----

“Jay,” you mumbled as you felt him roughly roll onto his side. 

The two of you had been sharing a bed for a month. It wasn’t the first time he’d woken you up, but it was the first time he didn’t wake himself up. His leg brushed against yours as you heard him mumble something before letting out a choked out sob.

You sat up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. The two of you had gone to bed early for once, falling asleep just holding each other. He’d had a rough day, but didn’t want to talk about it. You couldn’t blame him though. From what little he’d told you, it was obvious that whatever had happened while he was in Afghanistan was...horrible. He’d bunched the pillow up, holding onto it. You could see a look of discomfort on his face. Or maybe it was fear. It was hard to tell while he was asleep. 

“Jay,” you said again, a little more forcefully as your hand came down on his shoulder. 

His eyes shot open. It was easy to tell he didn’t know he was safe, that he was in your apartment as he reached out to grab your wrist. You quickly pulled away though. 

“Jay!” He blinked a few times, tears on his cheeks that you didn’t recognize sooner. “You’re okay,” you assured him as he ran a hand across his face. “Want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” he answered as he got up, stretching out his shoulders. You’d seen his scars, knew that he’d been through a lot. He paced the bedroom, but didn’t venture further before joining you in bed again. He leaned into you, your arm draping over his shoulders. 

“I know we really don’t know each other that well,” you told him softly, kissing the top of his head. “But I do care about you. And if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here to listen.”

-----

You thought since you’d gone to Jay, that you would never be back here. But that was a pipe-dream, Jay being the one to drag you back. Your hands were shaking as you unlocked the front door. There was glass shattered on the floor, crunching under your shoes as you walked. 

“I don’t want to take much, Jay,” you told him softly, trying to keep it together. “Some of my clothes. Some of Blake’s. His favorite toys. Pictures…” You trailed off as you stared at the dent in the wall in the living room. It felt like you were walking back into your own personal Hell. You couldn’t keep the images from flashing in your mind. Every time he hit you. Every time your blood stained the floor, down on your hands and knees trying to get the stain out before Blake could see. Jay’s hand came down lightly on your lower back, grounding you again. 

“You’re safe,” he reassured as you walked into your bedroom, grabbing the suitcase out of the closet. You didn’t pack much, just the essentials. Your favorites. Everything else could be replaced. 

“Blake...His baby book is on the top shelf in the closet. There’s also...There’s a shoebox of pictures. Could you…?” Jay nodded, moving that way as you kept packing, filling just the one suitcase. Honestly, you just wanted a fresh start. 

You put the suitcase in the hallway, moving to Blake’s room. Jay left the box and book on top of your suitcase, following you. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. Just having him there was more than you could ask for. There was a second suitcase in the hall closet that you grabbed, taking it with you. You tried to pack as many clothes and toys as you could, focusing mostly on his favorite stuff. Even though you knew it could be replaced, he was nine. Things didn’t make as much sense to him. 

“We need to be leaving soon,” Jay said as you were finishing up. You couldn’t help but chew on your bottom lip, nodding in agreement. Jay grabbed the suitcases as you grabbed the pictures. 

“Wait,” you told him. You walked back into the dining room, slipping your wedding ring off and putting it on the table before following Jay out to the truck. Once you were situated, on the way back to the apartment, you looked at him. “Thank you.”

“It was Hailey’s idea. I was just the personal bodyguard.” That got you to laugh. “I missed your laugh. Your smile,” he admitted a little softer, turning his attention back to the road. 

“You know, we really haven’t just talked,” you mentioned. “When we get back, can we just talk? Catch up? Like old friends?”

“Of course.”

-----

The two of you were on the couch, your feet propped up on his lap as he flipped through Blake’s baby book. You’d been home for a few hours, still having a ways to go until Blake needed to be picked up. It was only natural that the conversation gravitated towards your son. 

“He was a cute baby,” Jay said, enamored by the pictures. “He’s still a cute kid, but…”

“But you missed out on him being a baby. You’re allowed to be upset,” you reminded him with a sigh, knowing you were the reason he missed out. “I want to tell Blake today.”

“Tell him? That I’m his dad?” Jay asked, apparently needing further explanation as to what you were saying. 

“Yes, Jay. That you’re his dad. Just...with everything with Jason. And with you wanting to be in his life. I don’t need him any more confused than he needs to be. I don’t want him thinking that you’re just one of his Mom’s friends who spends time with him. He deserves to know you. And you deserve to know your son,” you explained. 

This was the chance for Blake to have at least one stable parent in his life. Even if it wasn’t you. And that was okay, because you could do this for him. All you ever wanted was to be the best mom you could be. Jay nodded in agreement, putting the book to the side before looking at you with a serious look.

“I don’t like that look, Jay,” you told him, getting him to crack a smile which made you feel better. 

“I want to talk about what happened in the truck.” You just shook your head, sitting up and planting your feet on the ground. “It’s hard. I know. But you really need to talk about these things.”

“Like how you talked about it?”

-----

Jay seemed to be enjoying your company. But it seemed like he enjoyed working as the bouncer even more. A group of guys that you recognized as semi-regulars had been getting rowdy. You’d told them to either cool it or to leave, which they did neither. Why would they? They were having a good time. 

“Jay, can you handle them please?” you asked, pinching the bridge of your nose and squeezing your eyes shut for a moment before going back to serving the patrons who weren’t hammered. He nodded, heading towards the group. You could vaguely make out what he was saying, not paying any attention. Until glass broke and fists were flying. 

“Think you’re such a tough guy, huh?” one of the larger men spat at Jay, throwing another punch. You grabbed the phone, calling 911 as you yelled at them to get out of your bar. He and Jay continued to scuffle until the cops got there, putting them both in cuffs. 

“Hey, no!” you told them, walking over before they had the chance to get Jay out to the patrol car. “This one’s my bouncer. He didn’t do anything wrong?” The cop asked a few questions before undoing Jay’s cuffs. 

You let your bartender continue the night as you helped Jay upstairs, the man wincing with each step. You could see the beginnings of a black eye, an obvious busted lip and a cut along his cheekbone and eyebrow. What worried you was how he protectively crossed his arm over his chest, not sure if it was his arm bothering him or his ribs. 

“What were you thinking, Jay?” you asked as you sat him down on the couch, going to get the first aid kit. When you came back in, he’d lit a cigarette. “You can have one later.” He grumbled but let you help him out of his shirt. 

“I could have taken him,” he assured, but you just shook your head as you cleaned up his cuts, trying to figure out if he needed stitches or not. 

“He was kicking your ass, babe. I kinda like you in one piece.”

-----

“I’m the first to admit that I didn’t handle my PTSD very well back then. But I was just trying to get a handle on it. I wished I had somebody there who understood what I went through, who understood what it was like to struggle like I was. I love you, but back then…” He shook his head. “Back then, you were my distraction from it all. You let me just push it down. And in the end, I ended up breaking. I don’t want you to get to that point. So please? Talk to me?” You knew his intentions were good. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to take me there today, Jay. You’d promised me that I never had to go back, and then you just threw it on me,” you admitted. “And I was terrified. It didn’t matter how much you tried telling me that he wasn’t there, I was sure he was.”

“I’m sorry. I should have told you before-hand, made sure you were okay with the plan. But we had a small window of opportunity today.” You nodded.

“All those times you catch me disassociating...I’m lost in memories. They were always my escape with Jason, just retreating into my own mind. The good. The bad…I don’t want to say it helps me process, because I’m not. It…”

“I get it,” he assured, cutting you off, ensuring you knew you didn’t have to explain. “In Afghanistan...and afterward, I did the same thing. I’d think of my brother, my mom, my friends. I’d think of Chicago. Home. Because then my mind was focusing on something else. Anything else.” 

“I’m broken, Jay,” you admitted, not sure if you had it in you to cry anymore. You’d done so much crying over the past three days, not sure if you had any tears left. “He broke me.” Jay didn’t say anything, pulling you to his chest as you clutched his shirt. 

“You’re not broken,” he whispered, kissing the top of your head as he leaned back on the couch, bringing you with him. 

“No. I am,” you insisted, feeling his hands rub along your back gently. “Nobody will...Nobody will see me the same way. Nobody will love me like this.”

“You’re not broken,” he told you again, holding you a little tighter. “You’re the same amazing person I met ten years ago. You’re a little lost and scared. But you are far from broken.” The two of you sat in silence a little longer before he spoke again. “I still love you.”

[odd-birds-and-booksellers]

We’re Not Promised Tomorrow

Grey’s fans look away, I have something coming for you latley. My second try at writing for upstead and I haven’t really got into their characters but it’s an attempt you know. So here’s my take on that 8x03 promo. Fingers crossed we’re finally getting upstead. 

Nothing was ever easy, not with him, every time she’d she managed to build up the courage to tell him how she felt something always got in the way. Something always made her question her feelings, question if that was the right thing to do. She wasn’t usually one for trouble, she didn’t want to complicate anything, plus she rarely found a connection worth fighting for and yet here she was considering turning down a job most cops dream of, for something...someone she didn’t even have yet. 

Jay had been cagey since Platt had handed over the first package, Hailey had noticed the way his whole body tensed as she’d mumbled an explanation. It had been a fight to even get him to the pub like they both knew they’d have to talk and he just wasn’t ready to hear what she wanted to say. 

They kept the conversation light even though every time their eyes meet you could see the lingering question between them. They both tried to push it aside as they take their seats making jokes about today’s case, both desperately trying to cling to the way they usually are, but it’s impossible. They’re not themselves and they can’t pretend to be and Hailey hates it because she needs him, she needs them, she needs their relationship to still be what it always has been no matter what happens. 

“So what did they offer you?” He broaches it first and Hailey finds herself releasing a breath she hadn’t even noticed she'd been holding in as she swirls her drink around the glass. To be honest it was a good offer, maybe even more than what she thought she deserved. If only the FBI knew everything about her past it wouldn’t be so good. It’s an offer she could only have dreamed about five years ago, one she would’ve jumped at the chance at. She loved Chicago but five years ago Hailey would’ve been happy to run for the hills, as far away as possible from the memories buried deep here. 

Still, she can’t fight the smile that creeps on to her face as she announces what she was offered. “Joint Level Task Force.” She's proud of how far she’s come. Though her smile soon fades as she watches him give an impressed nod, forcing a smile that matches hers but it doesn't quite meet his eyes. She just wants him to be normal, to tease her about wearing suits and moving to the dark side, but he doesn't say anything, instead, he turns his attention down to his phone as he downs the last of his drink. 

He wastes no time, mumbling an excuse about needing to drop something off at Will's before it’s too late as he throws a couple of bills down on the table. 

“You could tell me you don’t want me to take it?” She mutters, and she knows he's surprised by her candor, they’d always danced around it, both knew exactly what was going but neither one was brave enough to do something about it...before now anyway. They’d both been burnt too many times in the past and the idea of losing each other weighed too heavily on their hearts. 

He sighs, clutching his jacket tighter in his hands as he hovers close to her. “I can’t tell you to stay Hailey. If I ask you to stay and you do...you’ll be doing it for the wrong reasons.” 

Hailey turns her gaze away from his watching people happily chatting away together. She tries to ignore the way her skin burns when he places his hand on her arm that's laid out against the table. “If you stay because you feel obligated to and not because you want to you’ll regret it one day.”

She’s annoyed because here she is risking it all and she just needs him to meet her halfway. He’ll take all these risks, take more bullets than anyone she’s ever met and yet he won’t just risk it all for her. 

“If it was the other way around what would you tell me? You’d tell me to do what’s best for me.” He smiles squeezing her arm, his eyes are pleading with her to see reason, to agree with him but Hailey can't seem to find the energy to pretend with him, what would be the point he's already seen the disappointment in her eyes as they flick down to the table. “So you can’t ask me to ask you to stay...I’ll see you tomorrow.” He gives her one last squeeze before he pushes past her and she loses him in the crowd. 

She should go home, she should leave it before they make more of mess and she ends up saying something she'll regret but Hailey can't escape the feeling that time is running out, that they're gonna miss their window. 

“I’d tell you I’m in love with you.” Her voice broke out across the cold night air, he wasn’t aware she’d followed him out the pub and out into the cold evening. His hand was frozen on the car door handle as he stopped in his tracks.

“What?” Jay whirls around, stark look at his face as his eyes fall to Hailey, she standing a few feet away from him, a fiery burn in her eyes and he knows he's in trouble. 

She sighs looking around the empty car park before taking a step closer to him. “That’s what I’d say if you had an offer...” She swallows before moving even closer, Jay still frozen in the spot, words failing him as he looks down at her.  “I’d tell you that I’m in love with you and I have been for a while now. That's what I wanted to tell you in the hospital after you got shot and I chickened out.” Hailey lets out a dry laugh as her eyes water slightly and Jay resists the urge to reach out and hold her. Hailey rarely cries, she bottles it up they both do, she knows how to keep it in until she's alone which is why it's breaking his heart to watch her now when all he wants to do is wipe that look off her face. “Every day I’m terrified you’re gonna get yourself shot for the 100th time and I’m never gonna get the chance to tell you that I’m in love with you.”

Jay groans grabbing hold of her pulls her closer, all resistance disappearing in a split second, one arm wrapping around her waist because he really can’t argue with her when she’s saying everything he’s wanted to hear since she’d left for New York. “You don’t play fair.” He mutters pressing his forehead against hers. 

“This isn’t a game,” Hailey whispers quietly, her cold hands reaching out for them as she hesitantly rubs her hands up his arms to rest on his shoulders, they've never been this close before. There's still so much she wants to say but she can barely think when he's this close. “You're right, it's a good opportunity and I really should take it. I want to take it because right now I don’t have a reason to stay.” Jay's breath hitches as her lips ghost over his, her eyes scanning his face for something...anything that tells her this is really what he wants...that she’s what he wants. “I love the unit and I love Chicago, it's home but I could find a new home but I think...I think we might have something worth fighting for but I don’t know because you won’t ever let me all the way in.” She croaks, pressing her hand against his chest so you can feel the way his heart thumps underneath her palm, she’d pleading with him here and she can see the fear in his eyes, that if they do this, if the risk it all they could lose it all. 

He wouldn’t survive losing her. 

And she gets it. She really does. But she'd rather try than never know.

“Don’t just look at me like that, say something.” Hailey groans, pulling his face down to hers, forcing him to look at her. 

She lets out a small yelp when he spins them around pinning her to the car, one hand resting against the window beside her head. “I want you. Is that what you want to hear?” Jay grumbles lowly, “I want you to stay, I don’t just want you in Chicago I want you with me all the time Hailey because you are the only person who knows me, actually knows all of me. All the good, bad and ugly. You’re the only one who just accepts me.” He sighs and brings his hands up to cradle her face, wiping away the loan tear that slips down her cheek. His thumb tracing across her lower lip. “I love you.” Their lips ghost over each other, her warm breath fanning his face, as her hands reach out tracing up his shoulders and coming to rest at the nape of the neck. “But I don’t wanna be the guy that holds you back...” 

Hailey just chuckles cupping his face. “Jay you are so stupid you know that right?”

“Gee thanks.”

“You could never hold me back.”

Hailey doesn't waste another moment, she won’t chicken out for a second time as she pulls his face down closing the small space between them, her lips finding his. She melts into him as she feels Jay's arms hold her tighter. 

“I wanna be here with you, why can’t you just hear me when I say that?” Hailey pants breathlessly as they pull apart, a huge smile creeping onto her face as Jay turns his attention to her neck, pressing a row of sweet kisses down the side of it. 

“Stay with me?” His voice is husky and his breath is hot against her neck and she almost wants to laugh at the absurdity of his question, she’s literally putty in his hands she couldn’t go anywhere if she tried. 

“Always.”

Thanks for reading. Let me now what you think and send me some prompts if you have any ideas. 

[fromiftowhen]

Do you have a wish list of things you want to see in the new season of PD? Is there anything you absolutely don’t want to have happen?

Ooh, anon! I absolutely do have some of both! I'm going to split it into Upstead and non-Upstead related things.

Things I absolutely want to happen for Jay and Hailey (together and separately) this season:

A slow progression to really realizing/acting on their romantic feelings. I don't want it happening in the first half of the season, I just don't think they're quite there yet, in terms of what the writers have actually showed us (plus, I think it's pretty common knowledge now I LIVE for a good slow burn.)

A truly excellent first kiss. Jesse and Tracy seem to be good on-screen kissers, which isn't always a guarantee, so I hope it translate well with each other.

Some tiny acknowledgement of him missing her while she was in NYC (although I think we were spoiled with the phone call as is, so I don't expect this.)

I'd love to see some continuation/mention of Jay and therapy/working through his PTSD/things that really trigger him on cases.

I'd love to meet Hailey's family, but I don't see this happening in COVID times necessarily. We've met everyone else family, or at least one member.

Things I absolutely DON'T want to happen for Jay and Hailey (together and separately) this season:

A drunken hookup/cutaway from them at the bar to them in bed together. I will literally riot. SHOW ME EVERYTHING (and I don't just mean this in a physical sense -- show me the emotions, show me his face leading up to the first kiss, show me who leans in first, etc.)

Them being together for a couple episodes and then ending things/leaving things on a cliffhanger/murky for the finale.

Going the "we're better as partners" route after some minor set back. Like yes, workplace romances are hard and they both clearly know that, but they CAN work, and they should be given a fair shot to.

I'm just gonna say it, I'm tired of seeing Jay get bloodied and beat and too emotionally involved in a dangerous way. There's a balance, and it ties into my point above about therapy etc. He's wired through the heart, but that shouldn't mean he has to tear his own heart out to help others.

I truly, truly do not want to see Hailey cross lines like she has in the past. I'm a little annoyed the writers say NYC/the FBI won't have as big of an impact as it could -- we don't necessarily need to SEE it have the impact, they can show that in the writing and in her changed behavior. I'm not necessarily a big Voight fan, so any comparisons between him and Hailey are not gonna be my favorite.

Things I absolutely want to happen for Intelligence in general this season:

More Kim and Kevin scenes. I love their friendship and I think if Adam wasn't a factor, I could ship them. Kevin deserves love.

I'd like to see Jay and Adam partnered up once or twice. I get it, they're spreading the eye candy out and everyone works best with their own partner, but they've had some funny moments in the past.

More. Trudy. Platt. Show her being a badass. Let her save someone. Give her more scenes with kids! But most importantly, give her and Hailey and Kim more scenes. They're excellent together, and I can see Kim and Hailey needing the advice/guidance this season. More. Lady. Bonding. Always.

Things I absolutely DON'T want to happen for Intelligence in general this season:

Look, I'm just gonna be honest. I don't need multiple episodes devoted to Jordan Atwater. I love Kevin and I love how much he loves his brother, but historically those are some of my least favorite episodes.

DO NOT KILL VANESSA. Let her go be deep undercover, she's clearly good at it. She's just such an interesting character, it would be a shame to lose her for potential future stories, in a world where Lisseth is available. (Plus I don't want to see Hailey blame herself. It wouldn't end well.)

Adam and Kim going back and forth and back and forth again. Let them be happy, whether that's together or apart. They've been through enough, and they both need stability.

There are a million other things, but these are the big ones re: the relationships on the show, which is the biggest reason I'm here and so invested.

[cpd5021]

Welcome Home

Welcome back to another one shot Wednesday! This prompt was sent in by @castleporthq and was one I was super excited to write. It is set in season 8.

“Confession of feelings/love”

Jay stood under the arrival sign at the airport. Today was finally the day he was getting his partner back. Hailey had called him yesterday, as soon as she had found out that her stint in New York was finally up. He had asked for her flight information, stating he would pick her up but she had brushed him off and told him she would just grab a cab. Of course he wasn’t about to let that be the case so he pushed and eventually she conceded, sending him her gate and afternoon arrival time via text. Hailey, and Vanessa and Adam, if he was being honest, had teased him about wanting to be the one to pick her up. Hailey had joked about how he must have missed her pretty bad to want to be the one battling airport traffic and Jay had blown it off, rambling something about unnecessary cab fare. In reality though, he had missed her. A lot. Jay had felt a shift in their relationship after he woke up after being shot and he knew, or rather hoped, she had wanted to tell him something in his hospital room when she had come to pick him up. Of course, Jay and his phone had ruined the moment and despite his attempt to get her to talk, she had blown it off. Jay hadn’t brought up that moment since it happened, neither had Hailey, but the look in her eyes that day was something that kept him awake at night. Over the weeks that followed his incident, they had fallen back into an easy rhythm as partners, but there was something else coursing between them that he just couldn’t put his finger on. On multiple occasions he had caught Vanessa staring at him, a seemingly knowing look in her eyes. It usually happened when she busted him talking to Hailey on the phone or sending her a text. She had even smirked at him the day she noticed Hailey’s stack of mail on his desk, awaiting her return. He had half a mind to ask her what she knew, because he felt totally lost in the situation and she seemed to have it all figured out. He knew her and Hailey were close and there were day’s he was tempted to ask her if Hailey talked about him at all, but that felt a little to juvenile for his liking so he refrained. Jay glanced at his watch, noting the time and that Hailey’s plane should be landing right about now. He paced back and forth along the wall of windows, trying to catch a glimpse of her aircraft. He forced himself to take a deep breath, suddenly realizing that his nerves were on edge. Noting the sweat that had gathered on his palms as he anticipated her arrival, Jay rubbed his hands against his thighs. He took another breath, surprised by his current state and then turned when he heard his name being called over the crowds. 

“Jay!” Hailey repeated again, a huge grin plastered on her face as she lugged a large black suitcase behind her. He immediately reciprocated her smile and jogged over to greet her. They weren’t the touchy-feely type of friends, in fact, Jay could count on one hand the number of times he had actually touched her. But something about her smile and the fact that after three extremely long weeks she was standing in front of him caused Jay to throw caution to the wind and reach his arms out for a hug. Without hesitation, and to his happy surprise, Hailey threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight embrace. His arms wrapped around her waist and before he could stop himself, he lifted her off the ground, holding her as close as possible. The night she had told him she was leaving, all Jay could picture was Erin leaving him for New York and never getting that closure. He knew it was a completely different situation with Hailey and that she had no real need to tell him she was leaving, but she had. And with a promise she would be back. He had replayed her words again and again, her promise getting him through the long lonely nights after his shifts were they would have normally met for drinks or watched some crappy television together to relax. He wanted to feel her against him, her weight in his arms, to somehow prove to himself that she was really here in front of him. He held her a few seconds longer and then set her down, she stepped back, hands lingering against his forearms and he smiled at the slight blush spreading across her cheeks. He could feel his own face flush and cleared his throat, hoping to break the suddenly thick air. 

“Um..welcome back!” He said, giving her a cheesy grin. “here, let me take that.” Jay reached behind her, grabbing the handle of her suitcase and turning to lead them out of the airport. 

“It’s so good to be back.” Hailey smiled, falling in step beside him. They wound their way through the terminal, finally reaching the glass doors leading back out into the cool Chicago afternoon. Jay tugged her luggage all the way to his truck, easily picking it up and tossing it in the bed. They climbed into the vehicle and Jay quickly started it up and began to merge his way into the airport traffic. Once they got back on the expressway, Jay set his cruise control and glanced over to Hailey. She sat, staring out his window as the city came into view, with a huge smile on her face. 

“Nothing like New York huh?” He said, eyes scanning the skyline ahead of them. 

“No way, Chicago is way better. The vibe, the food, the people...” Hailey trailed off, her eyes darting over to him before she dipped her head down sheepishly. She recovered quickly and her gaze returned to the city before them.

“Yeah, Trudy really missed you.” Jay teased, earning himself a chuckle from her. 

“Yeah, I’m sure she’s been eagerly awaiting my return.” Hailey retorted with an eye roll.

“Oh for sure! I heard she even had a countdown set on her phone.” Jay continued, enjoying their banter and immediately feeling at ease. She was back and he was loving every minute of it. 

“Are we talking about Trudy here or you?” Hailey’s reply threw him off guard and he found himself stumbling over what to say next. He risked a glance over to her and saw that the slight blush was back on her cheeks, eyes looking anywhere but him. 

“I mean, it did kind of suck without you here. Adam just isn’t the same as you are. Definitely lacks that chipper morning attitude.” Jay teased, trying to break the awkwardness in the air. 

“Oh I know all about Adam in the morning’s” Hailey replied, instantly pursing her lips and shutting her eyes at the double way her words could be interpreted. “I just meant...like at work..he’s a grump...” She stammered, sounding like she wanted to be talking about anything else right now. 

“I know what you meant.” Jay let her off the hook with a smile, pushing down the slight sting her words made him feel. He, of course, had known about their relationship, but for some reason the mention of it now left a bitter taste in his mouth. They fell into a somewhat awkward silence as Jay approached their exit, pointing them back towards the city. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Hailey busied herself with her phone, typing out a short message and smiling with whatever she received in return. His heart skipped a beat then, realizing that maybe she had met someone in New York and that’s who she was texting. He loved to see her smile but suddenly the thought of someone else causing it made his grip on the steering wheel tighten. “Vanessa know you’re back yet?” Jay asked, hoping his prod for other information wasn’t too obvious. 

“Yeah, I text her when I landed. I’m honestly surprised she hasn’t started blowing my phone up yet. I’m pretty sure she was trying to set up a surprise welcome back party but I think I talked her out of it.” Hailey glanced over towards him, looking for confirmation that she had in fact talked the younger officer out of a surprise party. Jay gripped the wheel again, feigning focus on the road ahead of them and blatantly avoiding her stare. “Jay....” She said his name slowly, shifting in her seat to face him directly. 

“Define...party?” Jay risked a look her way and was immediately met with a scowl. Vanessa had in fact attempted to plan a big welcome back party for Hailey’s return but Jay had managed to convince her just grabbing some beers at Molly’s would be more Hailey’s style. “Just Molly’s and just some drinks.” Jay explained when she continued to glare at the side of his face. Hailey let out a huff and flopped back into her seat. 

“I love her, I do...but she’s a bit much sometimes.” Hailey sighed, not really annoyed with Vanessa, just tired after her travels. 

“You should have seen the balloon banner I talked her out of.” Jay teased, causing Hailey to smile. 

“Balloons?” She asked, squinting her eyes at him in mock disbelief. 

“Massive. And shiny. I also think I talked her out of the glitter bombs too.” He sent her a smug smile and laughed when he saw her eyes bug out at the thought. 

“My hero.” Hailey smiled, sending his heart racing. 

“Yeah yeah.” Jay shrugged, trying to play it off. “She’s at work for a few more hours so at least you’ll have a little reprieve.” 

“Thank god.” Hailey chuckled, rubbing her eyes and looking tired. “All I want to do is take a hot shower.” She leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. The sound of her stomach growling filled the truck then, causing them both to laugh. “And eat apparently.” She chuckled.

“I did promise you some Bartoli’s.” Jay smiled, remembering their phone conversation.  

“You did.” Hailey replied, looking suddenly more awake. “Do you care if we just have it delivered? I really do need to shower.” 

“Works for me.” Jay agreed, finally nearing her house. Once he pulled in, Jay hoped out and grabbed her luggage while Hailey went to unlock the door. He hauled it up to her front steps and then lingered in the doorway feeling suddenly awkward. Hailey raised her eyebrows at him questioningly, taking in his sudden nervous appearance. “I can just go pick it up. So you can shower..” Jay trailed off, shoving his hands into his pockets. 

“You don’t have to leave just so I can shower.” She laughed at him, kicking her shoes off and heading into the kitchen. “Just order it and then grab a beer, there should be some in the fridge unless Vanessa finished them off.” Jay nodded and pulled out a stool from under her island, grabbing his phone and bringing up the number. He didn’t need a menu, they always got the same thing. Hailey smiled, looking satisfied that he was finally relaxing and turned to head upstairs. Jay’s eyes followed after her until she disappeared from view. He let out a breath and then dialed the number. Once that task was done, he stood and made his way over to her refrigerator, pulling it open and pulling out the promised beer. Jay returned to his perch by her island, cracking open the bottle and scrolling through his phone while he awaited her return. A solid twenty minutes passed before he heard pad back into the kitchen. Jay looked up from his phone and instantly had to swallow hard. He had seen her in non-work clothes plenty of times before, he was sure he had even seen her in her most ragged sweats at some point or another. But something about her breezing into the kitchen, wet hair draping over her shoulders, a loose white t-shirt hanging dangerously low off her shoulder and a pair of tight black leggings did something to him. He shifted uncomfortably on his stool and hoped she wouldn’t notice. Hailey ventured over to grab her own beer before joining him at the counter. She took a sip as her eyes met him, a quizzical look within them as she took in his face.  

“Everything okay?” She asked, sounding genuinely concerned. 

“Fine.” He pursed his lips, shaking his head and hoping to play it off. Before Hailey could push further, because he knew she would, her doorbell rang. She jumped up to answer it, returning a few minutes later with a pizza box in hand. She grabbed some napkins out of a drawer and then nodded towards the couch. 

“I only have a little while to be home before I get dragged back out again. I want to enjoy it while I can.” She gave him a smirk and headed to sit down. He followed her, settling onto the opposite side of the couch and they fell into a comfortable silence while they enjoyed their meal. After they had each finished off a few slices, Jay stood and brought them each another beer. 

“Maybe if we pregame a little, it won’t be so hard to get you back out to Molly’s” He teased, handing her the bottle.

“On the contrary, the more tipsy you get me the more comfortable I’ll be.” Hailey countered with a smile. 

“If I wanted you tipsy, I’d have grabbed the tequila.” Jay finished his retort with a wink. The slight blush that spread across her cheeks didn’t go unnoticed by Jay, but he told himself it was just the alcohol kicking in. 

“Oh tequila is definitely happening tonight.” Hailey challenged, seemingly recovered from whatever made her blush. Jay sipped on his beer, taking in her appearance and feeling a smile reach his mouth. He tried to cover it with his bottle but she saw right through him, the blush on her cheeks deepening with whatever she saw in his eyes. Jay knew he should probably look away but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “What?” She finally broke the silence, speaking timidly as he continued to stare. 

“I’m just glad you’re home.” Jay smiled wholeheartedly then, his heart fluttering in his chest as he continued to stare at her. He took in her ocean blue eyes, the slight sprinkling of freckles across her cheeks and nose, they way her hair curled softly against her neck as it dried. He glanced at her hand grasping the brown bottle, the way her fingers delicately caressed it’s neck even though he knew first hand how strong her hands actually were. His eyes traveled from her hand back up to meet her eyes and when she smiled at him, looking mildly embarrassed under his blatant inspection, something inside him clicked. Suddenly, the shift that had happened that day in the hospital room, the unnameable tension that had been simmering even before that, and the simmering of feelings he just couldn’t put his finger on....suddenly they all made sense. It was love. He, Jay Halstead, was in love with his partner. He swallowed hard at the realization, blinking a few times and shaking his head slightly to clear his thoughts, the whole time his eyes never left hers. He watched as she studied him now, as she saw the realization hit him like a ton of bricks. There was a new look in her eyes. An unspoken hope. And it made his heart threaten to beat out of him chest. Jay wasn’t sure how long they sat there, silently staring at each other, neither ready to be the first one to speak. Somehow though, despite the fact that neither one of them had said a word, Jay knew that they were thinking the same thing. He was sure the look in her eyes matched his and it was one he had seen in her eyes before, all those months ago in the hospital. Hailey’s phone, laying on the coffee table beside them, let out a shrill ring and caused both of them to jump. Hailey blushed again, giving him a sheepish grin as she leaned forward to grab it. 

“Hey V, what’s up?” Hailey’s voice was thick and he detected a slight tremble in her words. She swallowed hard, blinking a few times and breaking their eye contact. “Yea I’m home. I’m pretty tired, not sure I should go out tonight.” Hailey rolled her eyes and he could hear Vanessa protesting loudly that she was almost there and that Hailey didn’t have a choice in the matter. Hailey sent him a sheepish grin, knowing she wasn’t going to win this fight. With a sigh, she conceded and hung up the phone. “Vanessa is demanding I come with her to Molly’s, imagine that.” Hailey chuckled slightly, the room still thick with tension. 

“Hey, I had noting to do with it.” Jay held his hands up in mock surrender. “Where is she at?” He wondered if he should try to broach the subject now or if it would be better to wait. Before Hailey could answer, they heard the younger woman rushing through the front door. 

“Ahhh, welcome back!” Vanessa jogged happily into the living room, not even giving Hailey the chance to stand up before she plowed her into the couch in a hug. Hailey let out an ‘oof’ with the sudden weight of Vanessa on top of her and Jay couldn’t help but laugh. It was almost as if Vanessa hadn’t realized Jay was even there because she quickly stood up and gave him a grin. “She’s back!” She announced and Jay laughed again. 

“I know.” He replied, feigning her level of excitement. “I was just leaving, I’ll let you two catch up.” He stood, nodding towards Vanessa before giving Hailey a knowing smile. 

“I’m dragging her to Molly’s, she needs a night out.” Vanessa announced proudly. Jay smiled, knowing that was the last thing Hailey wanted right now but the younger woman’s enthusiasm was cute. 

“I’d join but I’m meeting the guys at O’Malley’s for the hockey game.” He sent Vanessa a wink, having successfully executed their earlier plan to surprise Hailey. He had known that Hailey would catch on before Vanessa actually had the chance to surprise her, but she was so excited that Jay couldn’t burst her bubble. Hailey played along, giving Jay a small wave from the couch before he turned to leave. Jay made his way out to his truck, settling inside and letting out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Originally, he had been excited to take Hailey out to Molly’s, to let her see everyone and catch up. But now, he felt selfish as he wanted nothing more than to have her to himself for the rest of the evening so they could talk. Something had just happened between them, whether words were exchanged or not. With a sigh, Jay started up his truck and pointed towards Molly’s where he knew the rest of the unit would be waiting.

*******  

Almost an hour had passed since Jay left Hailey’s house. He had driven slowly over to Molly’s, taking the long way to give himself some extra time to clear his mind. Now, he sat at the bar, flanked by Kevin and Will on either side. Kevin was chatting away with Adam over something Jay had long since lost focus on. Will, who had just joined them, ordered himself a beer and then turned towards Jay, giving him a funny look.

“Something’s...different.” Will stated, taking his beer and bringing it to his lips.

“Not sure what you mean.” Jay shrugged, taking his own sip. He was trying to pace himself, having already had two beers at Hailey’s.

“Mhmm, something’s definitely off.” Will leaned in closer as if he was examining Jay. Jay gave him another shrug and tried to play it cool. Will looked as if he was about to say something else, but was interrupted by Adam and Kevin hollering loudly as Vanessa and Hailey entered the bar. Jays heart raced at the sight of her, his eyes instantly meeting hers across the room. He took in her appearance as they approached. Her long blonde hair still drapes over her shoulders, though it had completely dried now. She had changed into a pair of jeans and had added a denim button up over the white shirt he had seen her in earlier. As the two women got closer, he could tell she had even applied a little makeup, not that she needed it. Jay fought hard to keep the massive grin threatening to spread across his face at bay, but still gave her a warm smile as she finally reached him. 

“Hockey game huh?” She asked, playing along still for Vanessa’s sake. 

“Busted.” Jay smiled at her, taking a swig from his beer as he stood up. Jay shifted and threw what he hoped would appear to be a friendly arm over her shoulders, giving her a gentle shake before he let her go. “Welcome back Upton.” The smile she gave him sent his heart racing again but thankfully Adam piped up that they had grabbed a table for everyone. Kim and Platt made their way over to join them and even Voight made an appearance. Jay watched as Hailey’s good mood and big smile faltered slightly when their sergeant approached but as Voight pulled her into a sideways embrace she seemed to relax. 

“Good to have you back Hailey.” Voight gave her a nod and Jay knew the look the two shared told Hailey that she was in for a conversation with Voight before she could come back to work. Voight turned his attention to the rest of the group and Hailey turned to give Jay a halfhearted smirk. Jay knew she was replaying the argument she and Voight had had before she left, although it was more of a one sided screaming match and he hated how it had affected her. He fully agreed that Hailey had needed someone to intervene and that she was headed down a dangerous path. Jay had tried to help her but hadn’t realized just how far she had gone. He was thankful that Voight had given her the opportunity to right herself but he still felt a pang of heartbreak knowing how Voight’s actions had triggered memories from her childhood. Luckily, that was behind them now and Hailey was back with them, back with Jay, and he couldn’t be happier. The conversation flowed easily between the group, Hailey being asked a million different questions and happily answering all of them. Voight and Platt had left them shortly after they had arrived and now just the unit remained. Jay and Hailey, both wrapped up in separate conversations, kept managing to catch each others gaze and each time Jay had to force a huge grin off his face. He wanted nothing more than to take her home and have a proper discussion with her, to confirm that she was on the same page as him and did in fact feel the same way. But something in the way she was looking at him was all the confirmation he needed for now. Hailey kept up the conversation, doing her best to answer everyone's inquiries about life in New York while fighting back yawn after yawn. Eventually, she gave up. Letting out a huge yawn and stretching on her seat. 

“Alright guys, I think I’m calling it a night. I’m exhausted and these beers are going to catch up quick.” They all groaned, Vanessa protesting the loudest. Hailey shrugged and made to stand up but Adam quickly halted her actions. 

“Wait, we at least have to do one shot.” Before she could stop him, he jogged over to the bar and she sat back down with a sigh of defeat. 

“Well, you did say tequila was definitely happening tonight.” Jay teased, giving her a wink. 

“Yeah yeah...” Hailey laughed. “I’m totally going to have to call an Uber though. No way she’s leaving any time soon.” Hailey nodded over towards Vanessa who was challenging Kevin to a game of pool. Adam returned with a tray of shot glasses in hand. He passed them around to everyone and they all toasted ‘to Hailey’ before they tossed it back one by one. Jay grimaced as the burn from the liquor traveled down his throat, feeling thankful he had paced himself and would still be able to drive. From the corner of his eye, he saw Hailey pulling out her phone, presumably to call for a ride. Without thinking, he laid his hand over hers to stop her. The second their hands met a heat shot through him and he found himself swallowing hard once again. Hailey gave him a questioning look and Jay leaned in closer. 

“I’ll be your Uber. I haven’t drank that much.” He smiled when she easily agreed and then they both stood and said goodbye to the group. He followed her outside, the two falling into an easy pace on the way to his truck. By the time they rounded the corner of the building, Jay wasn’t sure if the tequila was kicking in or if he was really just that impatient, but he reached out to stop her just before they reached the truck. She instantly turned to face him, another questioning look in her eyes. 

“Hailey...I gotta say something before we go anywhere...” He stammered, his throat suddenly tight with nerves. 

“Jay..you don’t have too say anything..” She smiled up at him and he saw the hopeful look return to her eyes. 

“No I do, I need to tell you....” He trailed off, a million words racing through his head as he struggled to find the right ones. He took a step closer to her, hoping that maybe it would help him focus. If anything, it did the opposite. He knew what he wanted to say, he just wasn’t sure how to say it.

“Jay...” Hailey all but whispered, her eyes holding his. He took another step closer, heart racing impossibly faster. He proceeded slowly, searching her face for any hint that she wanted him to stop, that he was reading this all wrong. But he couldn’t find anything there to stop him. He took another step, effectively closing the gap between them. The look in her eyes was sending him over the edge and he was sure he was about to explode. 

“Hailey..I..” His words failed him once again but a different kind of confidence rose within him and he slowly raised his hand, bringing it gently against her cheek. She pressed into it, her warmth instantly spreading up his arm. He stared into her eyes and she was silently telling him this was okay. Without any further hesitation, Jay dipped his head down and pressed his lips into her soft ones. He had always thought the stories of people seeing fireworks when they kissed was a load of crap, but the second her lips met his he could have sworn sparks exploded within him. It was slow at first, timid as they each began to move against the other. He felt her hands rest on his chest before the slowly snaked up behind his neck. She applied a gentle pressure there, pulling him closer to her and he carefully deepened the kiss. He kept one hand on her cheek and let his other find her waist. Time stopped as they continued to kiss but eventually they both needed to come up for air. Hailey smiled up at him, biting her lower lip and sending a different kind of heat racing through him. He grinned down at her and he was sure he looked like a complete idiot right now but he didn’t care. 

“I love you Jay.” Her words were quiet but sure and he knew she had felt this way for a while now. He had too, when he thought about it. But he had been so against the idea of love after his previous failed relationships that he didn’t realize that’s what he had been feeling towards her all along. It was different with her, it always had been. And he knew this would be different too. That it would be good and all the things he had been missing before. 

“I love you too.” He told her before closing the gap and drawing her into another kiss. 

[onechicago-upsteadrhekker]

Either 90 or 84 would be perfect for Upstead from that 100 prompts list you reblogged! (:

Hi everyone! 

Here’s another prompt! @karihighman also requested #84 and if you’d like to read it, you can click on this. And like I promised, this one is much lighter than that one. So enjoy and let me know what you think! I also got a little carried away and the beginning is kind of random so sorry about that but I hope you like it anyway! #90 is “I brought food.”

*title is taken from a Sleeping at Last song entitled ‘Life’*

my heart reconciled all the darkness and light inside my chest

When Hailey was a little girl she’d never really thought about her future.

She was never one of those girls who played dress up or played with dolls or imagined their wedding day and pretended they were playing house. Maybe that was because she had only older brothers or maybe it was because of her father’s behavior towards her mom. 

The only thing she’d known for certain was that she wasn’t going to grow up to be her mother.

She’d known that from an early age. She recognized her mom’s loyalty to her dad; that her mom would never run or go to the police. That her dad abusing her mom was not okay and her mom shouldn’t stand for it or protect him or justify his behavior.

Hailey had promised herself that she would never make the same mistake.

The only things Hailey knew for sure was that she wouldn’t be with someone like her dad, ever. No matter how hard it was. She’d promised herself that she wouldn’t trust so blindly and get sucked into a man who didn’t care about her.

She would be brave and take care of herself first and foremost.

When Hailey got older; old enough to leave the situation that was her mom and dad she knew exactly how she was going to protect herself. And it had come from one Trudy Platt who worked Robbery-Homicide when she was 12 and a gun was shoved in her face.

Watching Trudy Platt be a cop was all she needed to see to make up her mind that that was what she wanted to do as soon as she was old enough. In that one night, she’d felt more at home and at peace in a police station than she ever had before. Even with her brothers who at that point had all pretty much left home.

Hailey had always been a driven person; she’d finished high school at the age of 17, already having a few college credits under her belt. She was accepted into University of Chicago, paid in full through scholarships and a lot of hard work on her part and completed a degree in Criminal Justice all at the age of 22. And then she went straight to the Academy and was well on her way to a successful police career.

That had been her plan. Anything after that, like a personal life or friends or guys, well, that had never been in her plans and it only happened because they had been there and she supposed it was nice as long as it didn’t interfere with her success.

There had been many bumps in the road and a lot of heartbreak she hadn’t been anticipating but she knew how the world worked so really, she shouldn’t have been surprised. But she’d picked herself back up again and went on with her life, continuing to build her life into successful one. One that her parents should have been proud of if she’d told them but she had decided to keep her past life in the past and she preferred it that way.

And then she landed a spot in Intelligence and then there was Jay Halstead.

A brooding pain in her ass at first but then she’d finally started to get him to open up and she realized what a caring and compassionate person he was under his tough exterior and as fate would have it, she fell in love with him.

It hadn’t been planned, just like everything else but Jay was different. He was special and for the first time she began imagining a future. One with a house and a husband and maybe even children.

Someone that loved her and protected her and took care of her and that someone just happened to be in the form of the best partner she’d ever had, both at work and in life.

So, if someone had told Hailey all those years ago when she was a scared little girl listening to her parents scream and throw things that one day she would have an incredibly successful career which she loved and a man who loved her more than life itself, she probably would have laughed.

Her head was killing her and all she wanted was some massive pain killers and her own bed in her own home but she knew that wasn’t going to happen. At least not right at this moment and it was all thanks to her freakishly stubborn partner.

And his dumb brother.

She heard Will slip into her hospital room, his shoes squeaking on the tile floor as he made his way over to her bed. His footfalls sounded like grenades going off and the squeaking wasn’t doing anything to help her still ringing ears.

She groaned, waving the arm that wasn’t currently draped over her eyes to try and convey to Will that she needed more meds ASAP without actually having to use her brain to make words.

“Head still killing you?” 

God, why was he talking so loud? She moved her arm a tiny bit to peek up at him through bleary eyes, the dimmed lights still harsh against her weak glare.

His face appeared above her, the red-hair hard to miss even if she was squinting but then he had the audacity to smirk at her and she tried to glare harder but her head freaking hurt.

“Yep, that’s what I thought. I’ll up your dose of pain medication. It’s hospital-grade you know, you wouldn’t have been able to have it if you’d went home.”

She wanted to roll her eyes or give him the finger or something but everything hurt and it wasn’t worth giving him the satisfaction. Honestly, he was almost as bad as Jay except he found more humor out of the situation whereas Jay just worried her to death.

She was starting to gather how much stuff like this affected him. This was the first time she’d been really hurt since joining Intelligence and she knew Jay could be over-protective but he acted like she was dying. She was grateful that he was forced to go home and get himself cleaned up. Up until an hour ago, he had still reeked of smoke and ash, still wearing his dirty clothes and vest because he hadn’t left her side.

She knew that was partly due to the fact she’d been desperate to escape the hospital and hole herself away in her house but seeing as how she had a major concussion along with other scrapes and bruises, she wasn’t going anywhere for at least the night no matter how much she insisted she was fine.

“Feeling any better?” Will’s voice interrupted her thoughts and now that he’d asked, she realized the pounding in her head had been lessened and she couldn’t see the blinding light behind her eyelids anymore.

She took an experimental blink, slowly removing her hand that she’d had clasped over her eyes. The light still seemed a bit harsh but she could tolerate it without pain shooting through her head.

Hailey glanced over to Will who actually had a sympathetic look on his face instead of the smirk he’d worn a few minutes ago, “Yes. Thank you.”

He smiled, “Anytime Hailey. Just don’t go getting blown up any more because I think my brother just might have a stroke,” Will’s eyes softened, “I think you’ve grown on him.”

She smiled fondly at that, “Well, he’s grown on me too and believe you me, I do not have any intentions on getting that close to a homemade bomb again.”

Will patted her arm lightly, making a move to leave the room, “I’ll hold you to it,” He winked, flashing a grin she’d seen Jay grin on rare occasions, “But seriously, you’ve grown on all of us. I’d hate to see anything happen to you.”

Hailey smiled back at him, “Thanks Will.” 

“Well, I’ll leave you in some peace and quiet before Jay shows back up, ready to answer your every beck and call.”

She sighed, letting her head roll so she was staring straight at the ceiling before closing her eyes to savor the silence that she was actually starting to hear. She wasn’t sure if it was because she was just getting used to the ringing in her ears or if it was actually fading.

Not that she’d ever show it, but today had been a little too close for comfort. She and Jay had answered a call over the zone. Dispatch had just said there were reports of shots fired, coming from inside a house a few blocks away so they’d gone over there to check things out. They had cleared the house, not finding anyone or anything suspicious so they’d gone back outside and Jay had walked over to speak to neighbor out walking his dog. That’s when Hailey noticed the shed in the back and decided to go have a quick look when everything blew up and she was thrown backwards.

The next few minutes had been hazy. All she could recall was Jay frantically radioing for back up; calling for an ambo and asking for dispatch to roll the bomb squad. And then he was saying her name frantically, telling her to stay awake, to open her eyes but all she could focus on was the pain bombarding her head and the terrible ringing in her ears. She couldn’t even tell if she was hurt anywhere else.

Once she’d gotten situated in the ED and felt like she could talk without throwing up, she’d asked if she could go home and that had really set Jay off. To be honest she hadn’t really payed attention to what he was saying because she really hadn’t felt good but she knew it was along the lines of ‘no way’.

And she knew how lucky she was to come away with only a concussion a few minor burns so she supposed his concern was justified but still. But whatever, she felt like 100 times better since then so she guessed it was a good thing she’d been forced to stay.

There was a soft knock on the door and Jay slipped in, his face full of relief when he saw her awake and somewhat coherent. He lifted up a bag of to-go from her favorite Chinese place, “I brought food.”

She smiled at him as he walked over to sit in the chair beside her bed, “Thanks.”

He sat the bag on the nightstand, his eyes never leaving her face, “How are you feeling? Are you okay?”

Hailey resisted from rolling her eyes as she didn’t want to worsen her headache, “I’m fine, Jay. You can stop worrying. You don’t need too. You don’t even need to be here.”

His eyebrows furrowed, “Of course I need to be here. Where else would I be? You’re my partner.”

Jay rubbed his hands against his jeans, “You’ve been there for me more times than I can already count and it’s time for me to be here for you. Make sure you’re okay. That’s my job.”

Hailey regarded him for minute. She had been through enough with him to know that he was more affected from what happened today and it wasn’t just because she’d gotten hurt.

“Jay, you know this wasn’t your fault, right?” He met his eyes and she could see his hesitation before he nodded. She wasn’t totally convinced but she wasn’t going to push the issue, at least not at the moment.

She caught his eyes with her gaze and she knew there was more than he wanted to let on but Hailey had always been very perceptive, especially where Jay was involved because he was her partner too and she had a job too. 

Besides, she cared about him. They’d already been through enough to know that there was a quiet affection between them.

“This is about the actual bomb, isn’t it?” The way his eyes flicked to hers in slight surprise told her all she needed to know, “Brought back memories?”

At his sharp nod, she sighed, “You know you can talk to me about it. Anything at all. I’m here to listen.”

He gave her a feeble smile, “Thanks, I really do appreciate it Hailey, it’s just seeing you there, hurt.” He took a breath and looked away, “It just reminded me of my times overseas and I wondered if I was about loose another friend to an explosive.”

“I’m okay Jay. I promise. I’m right here,” She wasn’t sure what else to say. She couldn’t imagine what he’d seen and gone through in Afghanistan but she wanted him to know that she was there for him, no matter what.

It took him a few seconds but he nodded, “I know.”

“And you’re still going to therapy, right?” She prompted even though she knew full well he was because she was monitoring his status by periodically checking in with him. 

He smiled at her then, a little shy, “Yeah, I am.” They held each others gazes for a second before he cleared his throat, shaking his head in slight exasperation, “What am I doing? Why are we talking about me when it’s you in a hospital bed?”

She laughed lightly. Yes, her head was still pounding and her whole body hurt but she’d wanted to make sure Jay was alright. 

Her eyes were soft, “I’m just watching your back, Jay. You’re my partner and,” She gave him a small smile, “You’re my friend.”

Jay was quiet for a moment before reaching a hand out to squeeze hers, “Right back at you and now it’s time for me to take care of you.” He pulled out some Lo Mein, winking at her as he handed the container to her, “So food. Couldn’t let my best partner eat the crappy cafeteria food.”

She wasn’t sure if he’d even realized what he’d said or if he even meant to say it and she wasn’t going to bring it up but her heart swelled at hearing that he thought she was his best partner because that’s how she felt too. They were good together and they had this pull, something between them that she’d never felt before and she knew he felt it too.

He sat for a long time, well into the night, even after she’d fallen asleep. They’d kept the discussion to a minimum because of her head but she couldn’t help but quietly laugh when Jay had regaled her with some stories of Intelligence before she’d joined while they ate.

The rest of the evening was spent in a comfortable silence as she listened to Jay breathe where he sat in the chair beside her bed going over reports and it was the first time that she truly felt like she’d have Jay Halstead in her life for a long time in some capacity.

And that thought made her very content.

Hailey was extremely content. She couldn’t begin to describe how happy and fulfilled she felt and she never wanted this moment to end.

She heard the hospital door open softly and Jay appeared wearing a bears hoodie and sweatpants, a small duffel bag thrown over his shoulder.

“I brought food,” His voice was soft as he held up the bag of Chinese in his hand. Dropping the duffel, he approached the bed, pressing a kiss to Hailey’s forehead as he put the to-go bag on the nightstand.

Hailey smiled at him lazily, the warm weight on her chest calming as she took in a deep breath. She hummed quietly, “Thank you.”

She nodded to the bag of food, “You know, I was just thinking about that time I got hurt. The first time I had to stay overnight in the hospital since joining Intelligence because of that bomb,” She suppressed a smile, “You brought me Chinese then too.” 

“A lot has changed between now and then and for once we aren’t in the hospital because of an injury,” He nodded to the baby curled up on Hailey’s bare chest, her left hand patting the newborn’s back giving Jay a good look at her wedding and engagement rings.

She grinned, planting a gentle kiss to the baby’s head, reaching out for Jay’s hand. He squeezed it, settling down on the edge of her bed as they both gazed at the sleeping baby.

“She’s so beautiful,” Jay reached out to stroke her tiny back, his thumb brushing the baby’s exposed neck. He’d never felt skin so soft. He looked at Hailey, love and awe and pride shining in his eyes, “Just like her mother.”

Jay stood up, Hailey’s gaze following him. He leaned over to kiss her on the lips, deep and passionate, drawing away when they ran out of breath.

Hailey’s opened her eyes, raising her brows as her lips ticked up into a pleasantly surprised smile, “What was that for?”

Jay gave her another quick kiss, pushing her hair lovingly behind her ear. He gazed into her eyes, his own lips ticking up into a happy grin, “Just showing my appreciation to my hot, bad ass wife who just gave birth to our daughter.”

Hailey rolled her eyes, smirking as she adjusted the blanket covering her and the infant, “If you keep talking like that we might just have another one of these sooner than expected.”

Jay looked a little concerned at that, eyeing the baby carefully, “Yeah, maybe I should figure out how to take care of this one first.”

Hailey sighed in exasperation, “Jay, we talked about this. You’re gonna be a great father,” She gave him a fond look, “You already are.”

He still didn’t look to convinced and Hailey was amazed at how he could go from being so confident and flirty to being unsure about himself but they’d had conversations about this leading up to the baby’s birth so she wasn’t too surprised. She knew she would just have to convince him otherwise because she knew he was going to be a great dad. She’d seen how he acted around kids, how good he was with them when they worked with children in their jobs.

She wouldn’t have had kids with him if she wasn’t sure. Or even fell in love with him. It was his qualities, the ones she fell in love with, that would make him such a great father. 

Jay took a breath, rubbing the back of his neck before dropping his arm, “Well, I’m going to do my absolute best, I promise you that,” He got serious again, looking into her eyes, “I’m gonna do everything in my power to keep both of you safe and happy for as long as I live and I’ll always be here for you and Ellie. I love you so much.”

Hailey cupped his cheek, stroking her thumb across his cheekbone, “I know. I love you too.” She reached up to give him another quick kiss before drawing back to maneuver the baby sprawled out on her chest.

“Hey,” She glanced at Jay before turning her attention back to the baby, “Could you go get that swaddle in the bag I packed for Ellie?”

Ellie started fussing as Hailey withdrew her from the warm cocoon of her mother’s chest and soft blankets to lay her on the brown swaddle Jay was laying out on the bed in front of her.

“I know, I know, sweet girl,” Hailey soothed as she quickly wrapped the baby up, placing her on her shoulder to calm her down some, patting her back gently, “Shhh, I’ve got you. Mama’s got you.”

When the baby calmed down, she peeked a glance at Jay who looked a little terrified and she had to smother a laugh. Of course, it was a baby that would be Jay Halstead’s biggest fear. A man who was a Chicago police officer and a war vet.

Hailey gave him a look and he swallowed, starting to look more confident as the baby quieted down. He took a breath and moved closer to the bed, “I can hold her while you eat if you want.”

Hailey suppressed a grin. That a boy.

“Yeah, that would be helpful,” She lifted the baby from her shoulder, one hand supporting her neck and the other her bottom and Jay’s hands very carefully replaced hers. 

Hailey leaned back, adjusting her own clothes to cover her chest a little more while she watched Jay with loving smile, her heart bursting with love at the two of them.

He settled the baby in the crook of his arm, cradling her close to his chest and over his heart. He was murmuring something to the newborn, bouncing some as he walked slowly towards the large window, looking down to the busy Chicago streets below.

Hailey watched as Jay’s shoulders slowly relaxed and she knew he was getting lost in the wonder of their daughter’s little face just as she had, forgetting all about his fears of being a father. Tears pricked her eyes as he bent his head to brush a kiss on top of her head.

She could watch them for forever and never get tired.

So, yeah. She’d never thought about a future till she met Jay Halstead but here she was. Sitting in a hospital bed, sore and exhausted from giving birth but so filled with joy, the best future she could ever imagine--never imagined--standing right in front of her.

The End!!

It got a little long and drawn out so I apologize for that. When I started on this prompt I had this vague idea of Hailey in the hospital and Jay bringing her some food and this what it turned into, so go figure... I had like two stories going on with an epic intro that I have no idea where it came from. I hope you enjoyed it regardless and I did want to say that I do have longer stories planned about life events such as the birth of a child and such for upstead and I will be uploading them on AO3 sometime in the future whenever I get said stories written. I just have to do certain stories first because I like revealing names in a special way... I know it sounds stupid but usually when I love a ship, I make up their kids names with like serious thought and I have had upstead kid names for quite a while now. And I also like to pretend all my stories are in the same universe if you will so I like things kind of being chronological if that makes since HOWEVER, I decided that Dancing in the Minefields is kind of an AU situation because I had a plan with upstead’s first kid and the way I’m writing Dancing in the Minefields wouldn’t be the way Jay finds out about said kid. Okay, I know I’m probably making no sense and no one probably cares that much but I can assure you I will explain how each story fits into my ‘Universe’ when I publish them even though no one probably really cares except me.

Anyway, sorry for that super long author’s note and the repetitiveness of it but I am finally feeling better and in the mood to write some upstead fics and hopefully finish the one-shots I’ve been working on, finish a couple of chapters on Dancing in the Minefields so I can publish a new chapter for you guys this Wednesday as well as keep working on the prompts I have received!

Thank you so much for reading this prompt and I would love to hear what you thought about it!!

[sylvies-chen]

Okay, this is a sad one, or angsty, so sorry about this, but I’m loving the song “This is On You” by Maisie Peters! It’s literally my worst case scenario for Jay and Hailey, but I feel like it’s kind of a possibility?! I don’t know! But thank you for all your writing - love it :)

Hi anon, I feel like you’ve read my mind because I’m a BIG Maisie Peters fan !!  I made this into a tiny AU drabble where she and Jay fight before she leaves for New York but it’s still pretty angsty because that song just hits you in the feels. Hope you like it! Thank you for all the love, by the way. I really appreciate it :)

“I can’t believe this.”

Hailey paces around her apartment, ignoring Jay’s eyes watching her worriedly. Voight had just sat in the precinct not even an hour earlier and had told her she’s going to New York to work with the FBI. She gets that she’s been off lately, and she swears she could try and get everything under control if she had another chance, but New York? That’s far. It’s far, and it’s unfair, and it’s not home. She doesn’t want to have to go, even if it’s just temporary. Jay had been able to tell that something was off with her when she had left, and he had come over within minutes. They’re usual habit of wanting to be alone and refusing to let each other be alone either way still remains strong, so he knocks at the door rapidly. She had told him almost immediately after he walked in through the door, and now he’s sitting down and watching her spiral with rage. 

“Hailey, you’re going to be fine,” Jay tries comforting her from the couch. “It’s not for too long, right? We’ll all still be here when you get back.” 

“Yeah, but New York? That’s like a million miles away! This is ridiculous,” she huffs. 

“It’s only 790.5, actually.” 

“What?” She stops her pacing and turns to him, confused. 

“It’s 790.5 miles from Chicago to New York,” he corrects her.  

Her fury is interrupted only momentarily by her intrigue at the implications of him looking up the distance. “You looked it up?”

“You ever heard of Google?” His sarcastic quip doesn’t do a good job of downplaying the sweet gesture like Hailey knows he wants to, but she figures it’s best to just drop it and resumes her pacing. 

“790 miles,” she shakes her head bitterly. “He can’t just do this to me. I start doing the things he does and suddenly I’m crossing a line and being too ruthless. Well if that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black.”

“I mean…” Jay starts but looks hesitant as he keeps going, “You have been acting off lately. Is it really so bad to take a break, clear your head?” 

And that’s how their fight starts. 

She can hardly believe what she’s hearing. “My head is fine, Jay,” she snaps. “Why are you taking his side on this?” 

He stands up now, makes his way over to her, and cuts her off, preventing her from pacing. His hands fly instinctively to her shoulders, comforting her as best he can. She knows he’s being sweet, feels her stomach twist and turn at his touch. Still, she can’t help but feel agitated. He should be too, to be honest. It bothers her that he doesn’t seem the least bit upset at her leaving. “Hails, you know I’m always on your side,” he soothes, his voice raspy and low. “But you haven’t been the same since Cam’s death.”

“He was my informant-- ”

“Yeah I know, and Darius Walker was Voight’s. Look. I’m just saying, New York could be good for you. That's why Voight’s making you go in the first place, isn’t it?” 

Hailey feels her heart sink into her stomach. She can’t shake her fear that he wants her gone. Her insecurity comes out as irritation though. “Why do I feel like you want to get rid of me?!” 

His brows scrunch up and his tone becomes defensive, indignant. “Hailey, come on. You can’t be serious, can you? The last thing I want is for you to leave. It makes me sick to my stomach, for god’s sake. But I’m trying to help you here!”

“I don’t need your help,” she blurts out before she can stop herself. As soon as it comes out, she regrets it. It’s not like she means it. It’s not like she wants to fight with him. She wants to just crash onto her couch and eat Bartolli’s deep dish with him and then fall asleep in his arms. It’s something that only the deepest, most guarded part of her yearns for, and it drives her crazy in all the right ways. But she blurts out that she doesn’t need her help anyway, even if it’s far from the truth, and she can’t take it back. She feels her walls coming up and knows she’s too far down this path of anger and self-preservation. 

“You know what? Fine,” he scoffs. “If you don’t want my help, then I won’t give it. It’s your own damn grave you’re digging, Hailey. I’m not going to kill myself trying to save you from it.” 

“Like I said, I don’t need you to save me.” That statement is partially true. She’s been taking care of herself her entire life, she hardly needs anyone to come to her rescue. She knows he doesn’t mean it like though. He just wants to help, just as he always does. Still, she’s too amped up on her own anger to know when to keep her mouth shut. 

“So… what, that’s it? You won’t talk to me about any of it?” She doesn’t answer, just stands there awkwardly unable to find the words that would fix this. Jay nods, bites the inside of his cheek. Throughout all of this giant fight, this awkward aftermath section hurts Hailey the most. He won’t even look her in the eye. “I think I should go.” 

“Yeah,” she nods. No, she thinks to herself. I want you to stay. I want to just sit back down on the couch and pretend this never happened. How can she miss him so much already when he’s standing right there?

He looks her in the eye after what feels like forever, and he just looks so… hurt. There’s something else there in his eyes, a longing for something that he can’t quite find in her. She doesn’t know what he’s thinking, but she wishes she did so she could give him whatever he’s looking for in her eyes. He doesn’t seem to find it, gives up, and sighs. “Ok.” He doesn’t say another word until he’s halfway out the door, turns around to face her, and speaks again, “I’ll, uh… I’ll see you when you get back then.” 

“Yeah,” she says again because there isn’t much else she can bear to say. “Bye, Jay.” Her voice is soft and filled with regret. 

“Bye,” he whispers back, turning around to leave. 

She leaves for New York three days later and feels miserable the entire trip. The airline seats her next to some married couple who have a very different idea of what the “No PDA” sign means, and she gets to New York on waste collection day so the whole city smells like hot, steamy garbage. 

She misses Jay. She had missed him when he left her apartment that night, missed him when she had hopped off the airplane and seen a pizza place with pizza that tastes like cardboard, misses him on her first day at the FBI when one of the agents spills his cup of noodles on himself. She just misses him.

They left things so terribly. She thinks about calling, about texting, about saying she’s sorry and she didn’t mean any of it and she can’t stand them not talking, but she doesn’t. A week goes by and she finally gets into the groove of things, but it’s nothing like it is in Chicago. She thinks it’s for the best, that the only way to get over this fight is to stop thinking about Jay altogether. But absence makes the heart grow fonder, and with every day she finds herself missing their partnership more and more. 

She gets a text from him during her second week. It’s a short text, five words. Yet five words make her happier than an entire two weeks in New York. 

Jay: I’m sorry. 

I miss you. 

Those small little words are all she needs to know that eventually, they’ll be okay.