#actually I do remember some parts. I wish I could sing or play guitar

[chatonmagique]

You ever try so hard and long to fall without giving in to grabbing your phone to be entertained that you write a whole damn song, you forget all about and never think about again after waking up

[rvblos]

can you please write about blas being protective either you at a party and he gets a bit jealous but the reader shows him that he has nothing to worry about?

. ݁₊ ⊹ wishing you were here.

˖ ࣪⭑ pairing: blas polidori x fem!reader

˖ ࣪⭑ tw: jealousy(?), a bit suggestive.

˖ ࣪⭑ a/n: i changed it a bit, but i hope you like it!

“hey, y/n! why don’t you come and dance with us?” pipe asked you.

it was your usual saturday night: you used to get together with the boys to decide where to go to spend the evening. this time, after endless proposals, you had chosen to go to a club. it was a very small place, packed with people, and the music was blasting in your ears as you watched your friends dance from the sofa. you didn't lack anything, except for blas.

in fact, that same evening he told you that he couldn't join you, as he had other things to do with his family. you still told him that you would see each other, looking for a moment to be together, without knowing when.

as happy as you were to find yourself there with your friends, you missed your boyfriend. they had been busy days and you hadn't seen each other much. you missed spending time with him, like you did when he would act his parts to you over and over again or play the guitar on his bed with you curled up to his side, singing you to sleep.

“i’m tired pipe, i think i’ll go smoke outside.” you answered with an apologetic voice, shrugging in his direction. “be safe, then.” he didn’t seem to mind that much, as he returned to the others, dancing.

you got up from the couch, adjusted your dress, took your jacket and made your way outside among all those people. as you reached the exit you could see a bunch of people gathered in small groups, smoking and laughing. putting a hand in your pocket, you realized you left your cigarettes at home. that night couldn’t get any worse.

when you looked up, sighing, there were two boys smoking in front of you. “sorry guys, do you have a cigarette by any chance?” you asked getting closer to them, with a friendly smile on your lips. the two of them turned to face you, and one of them answered “yeah, sure. take one.” he offered you packet as you smiled to thank him.

as you lighted your cigarette with a lighter you found in your pocket, he spoke again “what’s your name?” you leaned with your arms on the railing, answering him while looking away "i’m y/n. what about you?" you asked, turning to face them, releasing the smoke from your mouth.

they were two tall guys, with relaxed faces and they seemed nice. maybe distracting yourself a little with them would do you some good. "i'm alvaro." said, putting a hand on his chest, the one who had been silent until then. "i'm pablo." the other introduced himself, he was the one who had offered you the cigarette. they both smiled kindly at you as they smoked. "alvaro and pablo." you repeated, pointing to them with a finger, first one and then the other, thus trying to remember their names.

you let out a laugh "sorry, im a bit tipsy." you excused yourself. "no worries." pablo laughed as he continued "are you here with someone?" he asked you, getting closer to your side. alvaro waited for your answer with his hands in his pockets. "yeah, my friends are inside." you pointed them the club as you took another drag form your cigarette.

"weren't you having fun? you're here all alone." the other asked with a smile on his face. you didn't think they would start talking to you and asking you all these questions, but this is better than spending the night sitting alone somewhere thinking about blas. "of course, they are my best friends." you replied smiling, thinking of the boys. "i just needed to go out for a moment to smoke a cigarette, and wait for someone." you pointed to the cigarette while looking at the street.

“another one from your group?” alvaro asked. "my boyfriend, actually." you replied, lost in your thoughts as the image of blas appeared in your mind. who knows where he was at that moment, what he was doing, with whom. pablo let out a sound of surprise as you spoke. "i hope you didn't misunderstand us, we respect that." you laughed "i didn't think for a single moment that you were hitting on me, don't worry." you smiled at them, even though your heart was aching. you missed blas, and no conversation could heal that.

minutes passed and you got to know them better: they both went to university, but they weren't local. the conversation went on for a while and you were having fun with them, so much fun that when someone, coming from behind, placed his hand on your shoulder you didn't react at first.

when you finally turned towards that person, you found blas in front of you. his big brown eyes stared into yours, you couldn't find the words to react. “blas…” was the only thing that came out of your mouth. "hi, chica." he smiled, moving closer to your lips. his hand that had previously been on your shoulder came down, caressing your hip, where it rested. as you parted he realized that you were talking with two strangers, so he asked "who are they?" looking at them badly, as he inspected them.

his gaze fell on pablo, who was looking back at him, smiling. there wasn't the shadow of a smile on blas' face. "he's pablo." you introduced it to him, while he nodded towards your boyfriend, to introduce himself. "and he is alvaro." blas was now looking straight in his direction. their eyes were locked as you felt his grip on your hip tighten. "pleasure." alvaro said, holding out a hand to shake blas', which remained attached to your body, without moving an inch.

"why don't we go?" he whispered in your ear, looking at alvaro. "the others are still inside." you caressed his cheek softly, smiling at him. "let's wait for them." "they'll be fine without us." he replied, feeling alvaro's gaze on your body. "okay, then." you accepted his offer, eager to be alone with him after a while. after all you hadn't seen each other for almost two weeks. he grabbed your hand as he turned towards his car. you just had time to wave at the two boys you had met, before finding yourself in the passenger seat.

"what's the matter with you? why are you in a hurry?" you asked him. your gaze fell on his face, his eyes fixed on the road. "i didn't like those guys." he said in a hiss. "blas, you're exaggerating. they were nice." you rolled your eyes, you were kind of expecting it after all. "especially alvaro." he said ironically. "blas!" you exclaimed. was he thinking that you were interested in him?

when he parked the car, you quickly got out of the vehicle, walking to your apartment. blas joined you inside the small living room, closing the door behind him. “y/n…” he said, walking closer to you, leaning against the kitchen table. you wanted to resist his touch, but when one of his hands rested on your back, you melted at that contact, but your eyes didn't betray you. they were fixed onto his.

"i was just worried for you, bebè." his big hand run over your back, caressing it slowly. "there was no need to do that, blas." you looked away, trying to resist lean at his touch. "we haven't seen each other for two weeks, and when you come back you act like this?" you pulled away from his touch, but his hand was quick to grab you back, bringing you closer to him. "i'm sorry, mi amor. i got carried away." he nuzzled his face in the crook of your neck, and there began to place soft kisses.

as much as you would have liked to resist him, you couldn't. you missed him so much, that it just seemed like an excuse to argue, the last thing you wanted to do at that moment. you began to breathe heavily when his hands reached your hips, caressing them slowly. "okay blas, i got it." you whispered as your hands cupped his face. he smiled to you as your lips got closer. you missed the feeling of his lips on yours so bad, that when he kissed you, you tugged him closer to your body, deepening the kiss.

you could feel him smiling on your mouth, as a little laughter escaped him. he was back.

[talkintrashcann]

Campout - Xavier Thorpe [pt.3]

summary: the friendgroup is going on a camping trip and miscalculated how many tents they needed, so now you have to share a tent with your least favorite person.

warnings: slow burn, enemies to lovers, multiple parts, fear of drowning

word count: 1.8k

a/n: im terribly sorry for disappearing for about a month, i didn't mean to be gone for so long. my life has been put upside down for the past couple weeks and ive had to figure some things out about my future so writing wasn't my priority at that time, but ive got it all figured out now (for the most part) so im not planning on taking so long for the next chapter. i promise the story is actually getting somewhere this time !

[part 1] [part 2] [part 4] . . .

———————

Acting like nothing had happened earlier today, everyone was sitting by the campfire munching on their food while they all ignored the obvious tension between you and Xavier. They were used to situations like these by now, but for some reason it felt as if something in the two of you changed. You used to give each other angry glares and held those for hours, whereas now you can't even make eye contact for longer than 5 seconds. The tension was slowly shifting throughout this trip, and there was no way of stopping it.

"Hey Enid, what have you got in store for us tomorrow? Please tell me it's not as exhausting as today's hike.", Kent caught everyone's attention.

"That's a surprise. I don't want anyone to complain about the plans I made again, so you'll just have to wait and see. But I'm sure you will all love it, we're gonna have so much fun !", the girl that couldn't hide her excitement said. It was obvious that the group was a bit skeptical about Enid's interpretation of fun, but hopefully this time she's right. What's the worst that could happen?

For the rest of the night everyone was singing along to some campfire songs while Divina was playing the guitar, for just a moment you forgot everything that happened today. You loved moments like these, just you and your friends enjoying each other's company while singing riptide at the top of your lungs. This was the exact reason why you said yes to this trip, these were times you wished would never be over. But all nice things must come to an end, and soon everyone disappeared to their tent once more. Surprisingly enough your tent was quiet for once, neither of you wanting to speak to another. Maybe because you were simply too tired from today's exhausting hike, falling asleep as soon as your head hit your pillow.

Waking up pretty early the next day, you realized you were the first one to be awake. You opened your eyes and turned around to find Xavier laying not so far away from you, a strand of his long hair covering his eyes. He looked quite handsome like this, sadly enough he wasn't always this quiet and peaceful. Remembering what he did to you yesterday, you got up with a smirk as you thought about your great plan to get him back somehow. Sneaking out of the tent as quiet as possible, you grabbed a cup that someone left near the campfire and filled it with lake water. Already giggling to yourself as you walked back to the tent with the cup in your hands, careful not to spill too much water from it already. And just like that, you threw the cup with water over Xavier's head.

Waking up confused and in shock, he looked over to see you sitting next to him dying of laughter. He on the other hand was definitely not laughing with the little prank you pulled on him, instead he pushed himself up and dragged you out of your shared tent. Picking you up in his arms and carrying you towards the lake, you quickly realized what his intentions were.

"You're gonna regret doing that to me.", he said with his deep morning voice. You'd never admit this but you'd be lying if you said he didn't sound a little hot with that voice, or maybe more than just a little.

"Nonono, please don't Xavier.", you tried to convince him not to drop you in the lake.

"Please, I'm begging you.", desperately trying to change his mind you tightly held on to him as you were getting closer and closer to the lake. The word begging caught Xavier's attention, surprised to hear how much you're willing to do just so he wouldn't drop you into the shallow water. Of course he noticed your tight grip on him too, figuring this was more than just something you didn't like. He could even see tears forming in the corner of your eyes, making him feel bad all of a sudden. Seeing you annoyed was like music to his ears, but realizing he caused you actual suffering felt so wrong. He never thought hearing you beg would feel everything but satisfying. Right before you reached the lake, he slowly put you back down on your feet without saying a word. As soon as your toes hit the ground you ran back to the tent and stayed there until it was time to leave for Enid's big surprise.

After a long and not so calming drive you finally reached today's destination, Kent hurrying out of the car the second you made it. His stomach was a little sensitive and all the turns in the mountains didn't help with that at all, but Enid's surprise definitely made him feel better.

"Okay, it's time to reveal the big surprise... We're going kayaking!!", Enid yelled out and the others jumped up with pure excitement. You on the other hand felt your stomach drop as you thought about how terribly wrong this could go. You were terrified of drowning and would much rather avoid anything that could lead to that, so you weren't exactly fond of the thought to go kayaking. But you never told anyone about this, not even your best friend, and you most definitely didn't want anyone to find out about this. You remembered how Enid said she didn't want to hear any complaints about today, so you tried to hide your anxiety building up to not ruin everyone's day but it felt as if your heart was beating outside of your chest.

"All the kayaks are for two people so let's pair up with our tent buddy and get ready to race!"

"We are so winning this.", Ajax spoke while showing everyone his winner pose.

"You don't have a chance against us, Serpent.", Bianca said as she leaned against Kent.

You didn't pay any mind to what the others were saying, too busy trying to process the whole facing-your-biggest-fear thing. While the group was so focused on fighting over who's going to win this race, Xavier was looking at you this entire time. He noticed how anxious you looked and couldn't help but think back about what happened at camp earlier, aware that you're trying to hide something from him. Not wanting to bother you with everyone else still being here, he decided to leave you alone for a bit until the others were gone.

Before you even know, all your friends had left off in their kayak and it was now your turn. Shaking on your legs as you took a couple of deep breaths before stepping into the kayak, Xavier following soon after. He wanted to win this race, hell he wants to win at everything. But he had a feeling he wasn't winning this time, at least not in the way he had hoped for.

"If we want to win this race we better start paddling now."

Xavier was really pushing you over the edge right now. All you needed was a couple more seconds to mentally prepare yourself, but he couldn't even give you that. Ignoring his existence completely, you once again tried to calm down. But that calmness didn't stay for long.

"Can you start moving already? I don't wanna get behind on the others and I'm definitely not planning on doing all the work by myself."

His complaining only fueled your anxiety more and more, ready to burst any moment now. You couldn't help but panic, needing to get out of this kayak and off the water this instant. Unfortunately your kayak had already drifted off a little too far from the shore for you to just get up and walk back. Feeling hopeless and scared, you couldn't help but cry as you were looking for a way to get out of the unsteady kayak.

Xavier froze in his spot as he saw you cry in front of him, he didn't understand what was happening. He might not know what you're so afraid of, but what he was certain of was that your fear was very much real and you needed to calm down asap. Except, you weren't calming down at all. The tears kept rolling down your cheeks, your breathing was unstable and you were shaking so much that the kayak started shaking too. You looked at your reflection in the water, trying to see how deep it was but your tears blurred your vision.

Something in his mind clicked, he needed to get you back to shore immediately. So without any hesitation he jumped out of the kayak, the water coming up to his chest, and picked you up in his arms. He had you cling to him as he carried you over the water, arms tightly wrapped around his neck and nails slightly digging into his skin out of pure fear. It didn't bother him though, he'll allow you to do so if it gives you a more secure feeling.

He didn't pay any mind to the salesman desperately yelling at him to bring back his kayak, to be completely honest he couldn't give two fucks at the moment. All he cared about was you. Yes, you. He couldn't explain why he felt the need to help you for once, he didn't even understand it himself in all honesty. And it sure as hell didn't make any sense to you either, the guy that tries to make your life a living hell suddenly starts being nice to you. There must be something hidden behind his caring behavior, he'll probably strike you with another rude action later. You were sure of it.

Wriggling yourself out of his grip as soon as he got out of the water, you turned around and walked away to hide yourself from everything else behind a large tree. You needed a moment to calm down after what just happened, a moment to just let the tears stream down your face in peace. You felt embarrassed that he out of all people had to witness that, you wished he'd never seen you that way. Certain he'd never let you forget this, he'd bug you with this till the end of time. Or that's what you assumed he'd do. But in reality, Xavier wasn't planning on telling a soul about this. Not because people would find out he did have a heart, but because this wasn't a pleasant experience for you.

It seemed like things had changed in Xavier's dark heart, could it be that he had grown a soft spot for you? Or was this just another trick of him to get your trust, just so he could break it later?

To be continued . . .

———————

Taglist !¡ @wintrr13 @hayleematyas16 @deepblueoceanwaters @purexfuego @loriasposts @princekooks @hope92100 @just-amess @sweaterxav @pookiewookies @lcvecstiel @reading-writing-737 @ahintofvanilla @xavierthropepartner @poison-ivy-737 @rumoured-whispers @honethatty12 @pippipsquirtsquirt @araxw

if you would like to be added to the taglist for campout please let me know in the comments or through asks/dms!

[glazedsnail]

Gus Invests in a Karaoke Machine

Part 2, our ladies.

The boys here.

Not what they want to sing or what they listen to, but what they're most likely to chose when that sweet little buzz kicks in.

Abigail -

Actually she wanted the DHT version from the 00's but Gus' machine doesn't have it. No matter. She IS Roxette in that moment, a glorious mix of Roxette and Cindy Lauper but with purple hair (my dream).

They're swept away, nothing is what it seems, the scent of magic, the beauty that's been. Your little piece of heaven turns to dark...

She's on her knees by the guitar solo, wet eyes, hand on her heart. When she stands back up she swings IS THAT A SWORD?!

She sings it so well you WILL listen to your heart and just wishes for her to do too, oh Abby please do too *wipe a tear*

Repeats listen to your heart x11 from the end locking her eyes in Caroline's. Yeah, yeah, I said it, Pierre is so embarassed.

Emily -

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir? Said with brio and a lot of tongue, but she has no clues what it means, or why a few of the audience is blushing like mad.

She raps??? It's actually good? Why spend mine when I can spend yours?

What the heck is a moulin rouge anyway.

But she's having a LOT of fun, focus more on the dancing than the song, it's a whole-ass show, dress is up to her knees (gasp) more than half the song. Some peeps have to go outisde for fresh air but she's completely oblivious, and honestly doesnt't care, not here to seduce anyone, just very confident in being sexy.

Then she goes back serving drinks like nothing happened.

It was a tie between this and "All That Jazz" from Chicago...

Maru -

Starts on a chair like a burlesque number and honestly? Owning it, owning IT. Maru has CABARET in her soul jumping out when she drinks, someone SIGNS that girl.

She knows she scares you, and you're right to be scared.

Ruffles some hair walking round the tables, in her head she has a sparkling dress trailing behind her, set of musicians backing her up back on stage, and she kisses that mic with a voice no ones even imagined she had.

But once she sobers up? No clue what you're talking about, she doesn't sing, she won't sing. Ugh MARU PLEASE ILY.

Leah -

It's not her pitch, but she goes for it. Townsfolks will wince a bit but who cares she clearly puts her soul in it. So much so they have to ask if she's ok. Are you ok Leah??

I build my own world to escape.

If she's drunk enough and you're close she will tell you that's how she felt with her controlling ex (HEARTBREAKING), otherwise you're just like heh, tortured soul of an artist I suppose.

She even cries at the end SOMEONE HUG THAT WOMAN.

She won't remember it the next day but still appreciate the attention and care she'll get for a few days. You're ok Leah, you're safe in Pelican Town ♥

Penny -

Are you ok there Penny? How many tequila shooters did you have? None?? You didn't even have a drink?! Golly...

She misses cues, some words are unintelligible, but.she.GOES.for.it.

Guess she had a lot of anger to squeeze out.... No one, NO ONE knew she could scream like that. Raise her voice at all come to think of it.

Oh the THROAT hurts for days afterward but she doesn't care, it needs to come out or she'll explodes, she's like Aggretsuko, Karaoke's an outlet, let her scream, it's fine.

Drops the mic, waves at her mom, and heads out. See ya next week.

Haley -

Yes she listens to it , yes she would chose it if she was sober, and still does drunk off her socks. She's hyperfixated on the song and you're gonna listen to it.

They all groan when the song starts because WHAT? AGAIN? But you played it all day - you played it in the park - you played it on the beach - you played it... Haley you made us play it at the Flower Dance are you for real. Don't you dare turn it off though. We're leaving the planet and you can't come.

Sweaty, out of breath, hair all over her face, she belts it out to perfection, if it was on Guitar Hero she'd have 100% on all mode. (do people still play Guitar Hero? Is that still a thing?)

Each times, she attempts to death drop, to Emily's dismay. She does get closer. She'll get it. At least she stopped bashing her head first.

[youngveinsworld]

quotes from a fan's recap of the young veins' show in atlanta, georgia on 24 march 2010

we had a lot of trouble focusing on the other bands playing because Ryan and Jon decided to watch part of the other bands’ sets sidestageish, which resulted in a bunch of rabid fangirls giving us the play by play of everything that they were doing. “Omg, he touched his hair, OH MY GOD, HE TUCKED IT BEHIND HIS EAR.”

Jon caught me taking a creeper picture of him while he was leaned down setting up his stuff. I was only mildly appalled at the fact that I got caught, but he just smiled and held it for my camera:

they had a really great set. The banter between the guys was really funny and entertaining, even though both Nicks and Andy didn’t really say much during the set.

I can’t remember which song they did this before, it may have been Capetown, but I could be wrong: Ryan: We have a new album coming out called Take a Vacation. You can tell them more about it, Jon, while I fix my guitar. Jon: We have a new album coming out called Take a Vacation. It’s coming out June 8th; there are eleven songs on it. We made it awhile ago. Ryan: Well, that's really boring, not exciting at all. Jon: I'm just reading it off the Wikipedia page, we have it pulled up back there.

Jon sang lead on two songs, before he sang lead on the second Ryan intro’d him as singing lead vocals. It went something like this: Ryan: Jon’s going to sing lead on this next one. Crowd: -semi silent- Jon: WHOOOOOOO GO JON!

I am now prepared to eat my words about Ryan Ross’ voice. His live vocals are really good. I actually prefer him live to any of the recorded songs that I’ve heard so far. I was pleasantly surprised that my ears did in fact NOT bleed at any point during their set. I found myself really enjoying his voice. I also loved the harmonies that they had going during Defiance.

We ran into Jon at the merch table and got to talk to him for a bit about Panic, the new album, and a bunch of other shit that I can’t remember. It was all a fucking blur, honestly. I actually feel a bit sad that I told him that I wasn’t expecting much out of them when I first got to the venue. His face looked a bit like this :( after I said that, but I followed up by telling him how completely blown away I was by their set and the new music, his face proceeded to change into this :D

We also talked about the split with Panic. Me: Panic was really my favorite band, I was really upset after you guys split, but I think that after hearing you guys play live, I’m glad the band split because now we’re going to have two incredible bands instead of just one. Jon: Yeah, I’m sad that it happened. I really loved playing with those guys and we made some really great music together. But you know, it just had to happen. Me: I actually think I may like Take a Vacation more than what you guys did while you were in Panic. Jon: -high five- That’s so great! I’m glad that you like the new stuff that we’re doing.

We talked for a few more minutes about random shit then we decided to go ahead and head out. My friend asked for a hug which he was totally into, he was a hugging machine that night. I’m not really into the whole, hugging band members thing, so I was ready to leave then Jon was like \o/ (that’s suppose to be open arms) at me, so who am I to refuse a hug from Jon Walker? No one that’s who!

After seeing the live show, I’m actually really glad that the band split. Ryan and Jon both seemed extremely happy. I wish that those of you who are still bitter about the split could have been at the show and had the chance to see the sheer joy they had on their faces while they played. All the guys are extremely humble and grateful. Jon was incredibly easy to talk to and he seemed a lot more at ease in that setting than at both of the Panic meet and greets I’ve had. Nick Murray and Jon actually thanked us 94582085 times for coming to show.

– original Livejournal post – Nicole's Flickr account

[the-iron-shoulder]

nightmare king recording progress

DONE:

-lead organ

-guitar

-harp

-drums

-taishogoto

-viola (keyboard)

REMAINING:

-piano x2

-choir x3

-trumpet

-trombone

-violin

-cello

-contrabass

-whatever wacky bullshit I decide to add

note, of course, that I will be using a keyboard for many of the remaining parts. I don’t play most of those instruments. But I can fake it with a midi controller or maybe with just with some similar-sounding stuff! I’ve used the melodica as a decent stand-in for brass stuff before, for example. Might bring in the bass guitar to stand in for the cello or the contrabass. I think the violin part is too fast for me to actually use my bowed psaltery instead, but I’ll at least look at it. For the choir parts, I think I’ll record myself with my sampler (so I only have to actually sing one note; singing’s not my greatest strength) and then give it the keyboard treatment.

and yes, this already includes me adding some weird bullshit! If you don’t remember the original having a harp or a guitar or a taishogoto, you’re correct. None of those are in the original, lol. That’s my form of creativity at this point: I’m not good at actually changing the notes in a piece or doing a full on “remix” of it, but I can and do bring in weird instruments that aren’t in the original and mess around with the voices themselves.

wish I could just, like, take a few days off work and really focus on this, but whatever, it’s not like I’m on a deadline

[vitaminwaterreviews]

M.I.L.K. - With Freshness

Overall, very impressed with Milk. There was a decent amount of variety on the album, although they did maintain that kind of soft vocal mixing, I dunno how to explain it but I’m sure you can tell what I mean. The guitars felt super out of place whenever they were included but it totally worked for me. I can imagine other people not vibing as much though. It’s neat to see the “change up” in this album; Seo Taiji did similar things, but Milk are no Seo Taiji. Average score of 6.8 which feels about right. It was good, there were good parts, but as a whole I wouldn’t say the album was anything super special.

Crystal

Cracked up at the “don’t worry bout it” after that intro

The actual sound is very … well, crystal

MV is … bad CGI lol

Love the autotune, I think it’s used well here. Not bon bon chocolat, a lot more restraint

I have no idea where the chorus is or what the hooks are, but i love the vibe

The rap sections are wild. Male vocals mixed in there, with singing overtop? Nice

Are those baby noises? Cat noises?

8/10, honestly very impressed. Sounds a bit like S.E.S., but still fresh. Granted, I only know three S.E.S. songs, but still.

Come To Me

Intro is similar vibes to Crystal

Nice slow jam feel after the intro. The vocals are soft, harmonies, same with Crystal actually

Synth break at 1:08, that’s cool. I don’t think the instrumental does enough to justify it though

5/10, didn’t do much to impress me, felt very S.E.S., safe and boring. But I’m never a huge fan of this style of music anyway so oh well

Sad Letter

The synth here reminds me of this one flash game that I used to play in 2006. I can’t even remember the name of the game or what it’s about but that synth sound 100% sounds like that one game and now my memory is straining trying to figure out wtf that game was

Anyway, as you can tell by my comments, this isn’t it for me either

6/10

Blind Love

HOLY SHIT WE GOT SOME FUNK GOING ON

Okay I wish it was funkier throughout though. It’s like the vocals are necessarily mixed softly

Also is it just me or do they keep saying “danger zone”?

Yeah, more grit on the vocals. You don’t need pretty harmonies in funk, the bass is trying to carry here but I want more rap, more sax, more mph

7/10

All My Love For You

Wait what is this, ‘Cause I’m Your Girl?

WAIT WE GOT THE NMIXX CHANGE UP AT 1:40 wtff

Also whats with the random unnamed male rappers? This is like the third song where that’s happened

Oh my god though I can’t get over the change up, 

That high note at 2:32 is literally ‘Cause I’m Your Girl, also so is the male doing part of the rap

7/10, I liked it a lot but it was like an S.E.S. imitation and that felt weird

I Want You

Harry Potter intro

Or maybe it’s Dreams Come True at this rate

Actually no, now that we’ve settled into it, I think I like where this going

HOLY SHIT THAT BASS

Ughhh the bass is actually carrying this so hard

And the guitar solo like wtf

This bridge is really forced. The return to the chorus sucked too

Background guitar is fun

8/10 but could be 7. I definitely liked it more than I disliked it

Secret

This intro is cool, we like string beats

This bass sounds like something out of Phineas and Ferb

I’m not convinced by any of this, it feels like the producer got their hands on a Logic sample library for the first time and made a song with random samples

Oh that false ending was cool, that actually got me

7/10, could be 8

Reason

Mmmm we love synthesized flute samples

I’m really impressed by the bass lines in all of these, they’re a lot more interesting than most modern kpop bass

The chorus hit but I was too busy writing the previous comment to pay attention

2:30 is really cool, I like the instrumental break with this selection of instruments

Yeah, I think I like this

8/10, if one of my faves released this I’d be all over it

Wish

Again, the slow jam stuff isn’t really my vibe

I do appreciate the harmonies

5/10, not my style, but I’m sure there are people who would enjoy this

She Never…

Intro is impressing me

Chorus, not so much

Okay, that rap break though. Another nmixx moment

I really vibe with the harmonies on top of the rap break, they do that a lot, that’s nice

The rest of this song is just not interesting enough to justify that good of a rap break

7/10

Stay With Me

Mmm groovy drums

Groovy bass, synths, vocal samples

The post-chorus measures tend to be more interesting than the chorus

The chorus is like, the least interesting part of these songs. I like the instrumentals, and the raps when they happen, but the choruses just aren’t catchy to me

6/10 purely for the samples

Good Time

Again, strong intro

This bass is actually so good

THERE’S THAT SYNTH AGAIN

Is that guitar in the background before the chorus?

Bringing back the autotune flourishes

Here’s the guitar again, good stuff

Haha the bridge here, nice and distorted, lofi

Cracked up as it led into the rap break I’m crying

This feels like the culmination of everything this album has to offer, I like it a lot

8/10

[like-eachothersghosts]

            When I say ‘I wish I could be more creative’ I mean it weird. From the outside, I am. I go to art school for fuck’s sake. Art of all kinds is such a huge part of my life and who I am. And I know I'm good at it. Great, even. I’m great at drawing. I'm great at painting. At writing. At crafting. I'm pretty okay at guitar. I think I can sing (I know I can) (I'm good) (I'm just too dysphoric about my singing voice to ever use it) I am surrounded by art at all times (art school, remember) (bookshelf is an entire wall) (majority of floor space in my room is covered art supplies and half-finished projects (I’ll never finish them) (fuck, I want to) I am Always listening to music (its own whole thing) (I’ll get back to that)

            But I can’t help but feel like a fraud. Not in the usual sense. Not in the ‘I’m not talented enough to belong here, to have my work shown at this level’ (of course, I do feel that. We all do. But I’m talking about something else) I can do nothing without some kind of reference. ‘Working from imagination’ is not something I’ve Ever been good at, even as a kid. I want to. I really do. It’s frustrating as hell to want to draw, to paint, to write, to make something, but have absolutely no idea as to what or how. I know I have an imagination. A very good one at that (by that I mean I can visualize 2D and 3D objects in full color, texture, and detail. When I have music in my head, it is in the original singer’s voice with full instrumentation) If I were to have an idea, I could perfectly visualize it. Fully render it. But there is no idea. There never is. I feel like I must be broken in some way. God, I want to Create. Not just copy. The problem is, that doesn’t seem like the kind of skill you can learn. God, I want to learn.

And the most obvious and most frustrating example is music. My relationship with music is something so complicated that I still don’t fully understand it myself. It has to do with the neurodivergency, I’m sure, but I’ve never met anyone like me. I Always have music in my head. Always. As far back as I can remember. Until recently, I thought everyone did. And in full detail, as I mentioned previously, which I also believed was a universal experience until recently. Typically, it’s just a short clip, repeating endlessly until it switches to another song. It can be distracting. Because of this, and maybe because of other things (who knows) I am actively listening to music at most times. Almost always if I’m out doing anything. If I can control the music, if I can make it full songs, and have those songs constantly changing, I can think more clearly, pay better attention. (People have a hard time understanding that) (I have a hard time explaining it/convincing them) It fills up the pattern seeking part of my brain, which lets me do things other than search for patterns.

This would be fine, but for the part where it stops me from creating music of my own (at least I think it’s that) (God, I hope it’s that) (otherwise it’s back to the problem from two paragraphs up) (and that possibility hurts more) (hurts a lot actually) I want to be in a band. I’m perfectly happy playing someone else’s music. (Really! I am!) (it’s more about the playing Song with friends than it being My song) I don’t want to be the main guy (be that frontman or prime writer/lyricist) But I would like to make my own shit. I’d love to write music. I have no idea how anyone writes music. My head is too filled with melodies to make a new one. Lyrics are their own problem as well. I don’t know what the fuck I Could write about. I’m aroace. That knocks out a lot. I’m not fucked up enough to write about that either. Shit hasn’t been easy, but it’s never been That Bad. And I’m good now. No angst, no feeling of inferiority or of not being enough (for someone, for myself, for life, etc.) I’m happy! I’m doing well! I don’t have anything to say. I don’t know what I’d want to say. I feel like I could work on lyrics with someone else, like I could edit and add on and shit, but I don’t have someone else, at least not yet. And I’d still feel like I couldn’t take the credit because the Ideas wouldn’t be mine. And I am a firm believer in cringe is dead, but I feel like anything I’d come up with would be pretentious bullshit, and/or shit that makes things seem worse than they are. I don’t want to sell a false version of the tortured artist. I want to write lyrics. I want to write poetry. I want to write. But I have nothing. I want to learn. I don’t know how. I don’t know if I can. God, I want to.

When I say ‘I wish I could be more creative’, I put the emphasis on the ‘could’, because I can’t help but feel like I can’t.

[justmeinadaze]

Unattainable Part IV (Eddie X Theater Girl From School)

I know other people write different stories at different times. I promise I will do that. I'm just extremely invested in Eddie and Theater Girl. Lol. That both deserve to be happy. I would have loved having someone like Eddie in my life when I dealing my own BS.

Warnings: Adorable and caring Eddie Munson. Theater girl has a drunk mom who is mean as hell. She's also dealing internal anxieties.

Word Count: 2,535

“That is amazing! I’m really proud of you! Ooooooo!”, the sound of Eddie strumming his guitar nonsensically reverberates through the phone as he enthusiastically continues to shout his praises. “So, when is the play again? I need to check my calendar to make sure I’m available.”

“Oh,” I reply in a sarcastic tone, “ok. I know how busy your schedule can get between selling pot to cheerleaders and playing your guitar on the floor until 2am on a weekday.” He laughs as he strums his guitar again. “It’s in March. Right before spring break.”

“Cool. Cool.”

There’s a calm silence as the excited energy dies down. I can hear him start to strum the first few notes of song but I’m not quite sure what it is.

“You don’t have to come. I mean if you don’t want to. It’s fine if you can’t make it.” I regret it as soon as the words come out of my mouth.

There’s the sound of feet shuffling on his end and the light bump of him hanging his guitar back up on the wall. “Why wouldn’t I come? You worked really hard to get the part. Plus, maybe I can get you to autograph the paper thing they give out before the show.”

“The program?”, I giggled. “Or booklet. Paper thing works to.”

I can hear him open his window as he huffs out smoke. “Yeah. That thing. I don’t have an autograph on any of my other ones so…”, Eddie’s voice starts to trail off.

“Other ones?”

“Yeah. The…uh…other programs…from the other plays you did.”

“You actually went the other plays?”

“Look, Mrs. Rivers said we could get extra credit if we went to see the school’s production of Hamlet and wrote about it. As I’m sure you’re well aware, I need all the extra points but it doesn’t matter because here I am 2 years later but whatever! I DID try and I DID buy a ticket. You were the lady. The one that dies.”

“Ophelia”, I say trying to hide the smile that’s slowly spreading across my face.

“Sure. I don’t fucking remember.” He cackles making me laugh as well. “But I do remember you were wearing this pretty blue, long sleeve dress. Your hair was kind of pulled back but still down around your shoulders. Every time you walked around; it was like you glided.” He paused at that moment. I wasn’t sure if he was waiting for me to say something. I didn’t even know what to say. 

For the past few nights this week Eddie and I had been having these telephone conversations. We would talk about music and movies. I told him about my audition and he even let me practice a few times with him. He told me about school, Hellfire, and even made a feeble attempt to explain D & D to me. This is the first time since our first conversation that he spoke like this. The problem was I couldn’t understand why anyone would put in that kind of effort for me. What was even scarier was how much I enjoyed it; how much I just enjoyed talking to Eddie in general. When will it all start falling apart?

The sound of his window slamming shut brought me back to reality. “After that I started going to any play that you were in. My favorite was”, his voice gets deep as he begins to sing, “I’m siiiiiiiiingin’ in the raaaaain.” We both laugh. “You were the girl that couldn’t sing. You were hysterical!”

“Ha! Lina. Yeah, I can’t sing to save my life!”

“Well, I think you’re an amazing actress.”

The grin on my face gets wider. “Thank you. I wish I had known I had a stalker for 2 and a half years. Would have really boosted my confidence.” I roll over and look at the clock. “Eddie, it’s almost midnight.”

“I know. It’s early.”

“No, dork. I mean it’s late. We have school and then I have a date with some weird metalhead guy tomorrow.”

“Oh no. Not a metalhead! Those type of freaks are the worst. Do you want me to scare him off for you? I’ll already be in my camouflaged outfit since I’m stalking some actress tomorrow night so he won’t see me comin’!”

I giggle again as I lean over to turn of the lamp on my bedside table.

“Can we talk for a couple of minutes longer?” he asks.

“Sure.”, I say groggily; laying my head on my pillow.

#################

I wake up the next morning with the phone still in my hand near my face. On the other end I can hear Eddie’s heavy breathing. I don’t remember when I feel asleep but knowing what I’ve learned about him so far, I definitely crashed first. My stomach fills with tiny butterflies as I lean over to hang up the phone. 

The rest of the day goes by much too slow for my liking. I was always checking the clock waiting for it to be 4 so I could go home and start getting ready. During lunch, I walked by the cafeteria to see if he was there. I thought maybe if I just saw him, it would make the rest of the day more bearable. Peaking my head in through the door, the first group I see are the band kids near the cafeteria stage that is normally used for school assemblies which is code for Principal Higgins getting all the grades together to convince us to “just say no” to drugs. My eyes scan further into the room making note of the of the usual cliques. I see the jocks near the back wall with Jason Carvor at the head of the table. Ugh. I’ve never understood why he’s so popular. The kid is an asshole who can barely make a basket. I guess it helps when your dad makes a lot of money and has provided “charitable” donations to the town.

Suddenly I feel something small bump into me pushing me slightly forward. 

“Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry! I wasn’t paying attention!” Chrissy Cunningham reaches out with her small hands and places them on either side of me as if she’s trying to hold me steady.

“No. No. Its ok, Chrissy.” I laugh awkwardly. “Honestly, I’ve bumped into so many people lately I’m starting to think I’m turning into Sue Storm.” She looks at me with this polite grin; nodding her head. She has no idea what I’m talking about. “Sue Storm. Comic book superhero who turns invisible. My stepsister is obsessed so whenever my dad makes us talk…”, I notice her big eyes start to glaze over. I shake my head and reach out to lightly tap her arm. “…Anyway, never mind. No, I’m fine. You…go enjoy your lunch.” I don’t get how people say I’m a good actress but I can’t manage to act normal in front of other people. 

“Ok. Again, I’m really sorry.” She paddles off quickly towards her table. I run my hands over my face wishing I could just disappear. Thank God Chrissy is as nice as she is but I don’t think I could have been more awkward. As I turn to head for the library, my eyes meet Eddies. He’s sitting a far off table with the kids I saw him playing D & D with. The are shouting over each other debating about moves and monsters. He’s leaning back in his chair, his arms crossed, with an amused smile on his face. Had he seen my exchange with Chrissy? Oh no. I’m going to go die of embarrassment now.  I gave him an exasperated, small smile in return. His grin grew as he looked at me and silently mouthed the word “Stalker” following it up with a wink. I rolled my eyes; giving him a tiny wave as I turned to leave. 

###########

“You got this. You got this. You got this.” I chant to myself in my vanity mirror. I decided to dress as normal as possible while still looking “date nice”. I went with my regular jeans and some knee-high, black leather boots. I found one of my dad’s old blue jean jacket vests and slinked it on over a black tank top with my hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. 

“Wow. Where are you going all dressed up? I mean if that’s what we can call this.”, my mother gestures with her hand my way. I closed the cap to my lipstick, giving myself one final look in the mirror. I got this. I can do this. Getting out of my chair, I walk over to my bed, and grab my bag hurling the strap over my shoulder. My mom is leaning against the doorway of my bedroom; glass of vodka clinking in her hand. I check the clock (5:54pm) and start to make my exit out of the room. She doesn’t move out of the way and instead just lifts the glass to her lips.

“I asked you a question.” she sneers. I push past her making my way down the hall and down the stairs. She follows me down, right on my heels. “Look! I’m just asking as a concerned parent. Can’t a mother inquire where her kid is going on a Friday evening?”

I turn sharply to face her. “Yes, a mother can but a mother is also present the other 6 days out of the week so,” I shrug my shoulders at her as I make my way towards the front door. “I’m going out because I’ve earned it. Between school, theater, taking care of myself AND YOU; I think I’ve earned some fun.”

She glares at me as she finishes off the glass in her hand slamming it down on the kitchen counter. She casually saunters towards the front door and opens it for me. A van slowly pulls up out front and I can see Eddie in the driver’s seat. He unbuckles his seat belt and I quickly push past the screen to get to his car before either of them notices each other. I’m not that lucky. 

I quickly opened the car door myself. Eddie hadn’t even made it around to my side before my mom shouts my name. “Hey! Whatever fun you decide to have tonight. Make sure to wear protection. That’s how your father and I wound up with you and we all know that story ended!” We both froze and my eyes squeezed shut. One thing. I just wanted one thing for myself. 

I didn’t open them again until I felt the vans door open a bit and a large hand grab my own lightly prying it from the door handle. “Ok. Come on. Let me help you up here.” Eddie’s soft voice whispered delicately. I pushed against his hand and steadied myself up into my seat. He double checked to make sure I was inside and shuts the car door with a loud thud. I kept my eyes focused on the windshield. I couldn’t let my mother see me cry. I couldn’t let anyone see me cry. I couldn’t let anyone know I was vulnerable because if they did… I shut my eyes again holding back any on slot of tears. Because if they did, they would think I’m weak. 

#######

Eddie didn’t say anything after we left my house nor did he try and force me to. It was a few minutes before I was able to actually look at everything including Eddie himself. He was had on his same cut up jeans and army style boots but he was wearing a plan black shirt instead of the usual Hellfire or rock band memorabilia. Over that he had on a leather jacket that fit perfectly around his broad shoulders. He smelled a bit like he tried to cover up his usual smoke smell with cologne but he didn’t quite succeed which made me grin to myself. I like the cigarette smell to be honest. I lean over and put my hand his shoulder lightly tugging at the leather. 

“If I had known you were going to wear this, I would have worn those matching leather pants.” I said trying to hopefully reclaim the evening. Eddie quickly glanced at me, smirking, turning his attention back on the road.

“You’re halfway there with those boots so close enough.”

“How far out of Hawkins is this place?”

“Not to far. Maybe another 10 minutes or so.”

“Oh cool. Why this place in particular?”

“Well, for starters not many people from Hawkins are there so no one’s walking around screaming freak at me every time they pass.”, he says a bit sullenly. I wouldn’t have guess things like that would bother him. He always seems so confident. “Also the bartender there doesn’t card so bonus!”, his face lighting up again, “Plus the bands are alright. I’ve played here with my band Corroded Coffin a few times.”

“Let me guess. Guitar?”

His hand comes up towards my face as he wiggles his fingers in my direction. “Beautiful and psychic! Ooooooo.” I giggled, playfully swatting at his hand. He placed it back on the steering wheel as our laughter died down back into silence. “You do look gorgeous, by the way.”

Before I can say anything, we turn into a parking lot. “And here we are!”, he playfully exclaims swiveling the van into a vacant parking spot. Eddie unbuckles his seat belt and quickly shuffles around to my side to open the door. He extends his hand for me to take. 

“M’lady.”

I reach for it jumping down towards the gravelly concrete. “Why thank you.” I say giving him a curtsey. 

“Oh, my lady,” his eyebrows furrow as he saunters over till he’s directly in front of me. “You bow to no one. You are royalty and deserve to be treated as such.” 

My eyes lock with his. I search through them for any sign of reason. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Maybe it’s too good to be true? People like this aren’t real. Maybe I should enjoy it while it lasts but am I prepared to be hurt like that again. All I am met with is sincerity. 

As if another force has taken over my body, I lean forward and wrap my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. I can tell I’ve thrown him off guard because his hands fly upwards in confusion. With everything going on in my life it was nice to not feel like a burden on someone for once. Even if it IS for a short time, I needed Eddie to know how important this was for me and the only way I could think of at the moment was this. 

“Thank you,” I whisper.  

Slowly, I feel his arms come down around me; one arm wrapping around my waist and the other around neck. His hand delicately but firmly holding my cheek to his chest as his chin comes down resting on the top of my head. For the first time in a long time, I feel safe in every meaning of the word. 

[solarwriting]

good 4 u

e.j. caswell (formerly) x fem!reader

summary: after a bad break up, y/n writes a song and plays it with her band at a party her ex is also at.

warnings: swearing, underage drinking, unedited and written at one a.m.

note: i don’t know what this is but the song is so good and i watched the first ep of season two and this was born?? if you want a pronoun change let me know!

posted may 17, 2021

it seemed as soon as he broke up with nini e.j. found a new girl to entertain him. y/n l/n, she wasn’t a part of the musical. it wasn’t her lack of talent so much as it was a lack of interest, she figured focusing on her own music and starting a band would make her seem more serious.

she was pinning a band tryouts flier to the bulletin board in the cafeteria, unaware of the eyes on her. almost the entire cast of the musical was staring at her. nini sighed, “guys, stop. she’s gonna notice us staring.”

“do you think she knows what happened with you guys.” carlos asked, turning back to face her, leaning in to hear her answer.

“no. i don’t know. i shouldn’t care, it’s just- whatever.” she groaned, pushing her food around with her fork.

“convincing.” seb commented.

“i know he’s my cousin but honestly e.j.’s a bit of a whore.” ashlyn muttered causing the table to laugh.

kourtney leaned into nini’s shoulder, “let’s give y/n the benefit of the doubt and say she has no idea?”

“i mean how could she? she’s not part of the musical, she focused on her band.” ashlyn explained.

“wait, she has a band?” carlos asked.

“she’s starting one, she plays guitar and drums but she wanted a drummer another guitar and singer. i think that’s what she was putting on the board.” ashlyn shrugged, everyone looked at her confused, “what? we used to hang out.”

“wait, really?” nini wondered.

“yeah, she’s actually really nice. and really talented, girl can really shred. you guys would really getting along, you know if you forget about my stupid cousin.”

nini laughed along with the group, her eyes fell back to y/n who was now sitting with e.j. and his friends. maybe they could be friends.

it turns out e.j. is really bad with girlfriends because it only took a few weeks for them to break up, no one could really figure out why though just that y/n left school wednesday crying and didn’t come back until the following monday.

a few days later y/n caught her on her way to rehearsals for the musical, “hey, nini. can i ask you something?”

“yeah, sure.” nini was hesitant but thought on what ashlyn said.

“so you write songs right?” nini nodded and y/n continued, “so i’m writing this song for my band and i was wondering if you could give me some pointers. i know you probably won’t want to because of e.j. actually forget i asked, it was stupid.”

y/n turned to walk away before nini stopped her, “y/n wait. i can help you, come on.”

“where are we going?”

“i have to go to rehearsal and since they’re not doing any gabriella scenes we can work on it in the auditorium.” she motioned for the girl to follow her.

“hi, miss jenn. this is y/n, is it okay if we sit over there while you’re going over the scenes i’m not in?”

“of course. nice to meet you y/n.” miss jenn smiled.

they sat a few rows back, behind miss jenn and y/n pulled out a notebook, “it’s really rough right now. and it’s kind of embarrassing but you can look at it.”

nini was quiet as she read over the lyrics she had written down. “is the about?”

“yes.” y/n said quickly, “sorry if that’s weird.”

“no it’s okay, i actually really like it.”

“i was just really angry when he ended it- and did you know he’s already seeing someone else?”

“really? it hasn’t even been a week!”

“i know! she’s a cheerleader i guess.”

“and here i thought his type was musicans.”

“right? from what i’ve heard they’ve been off and on since his sophomore year and they started hooking up again while he was still seeing me.”

“i guess ashyln was right about her whore statement.”

y/n laughed and they continued to work on the song together. by the end of rehearsal everyone was talking about how two of e.j.’s exes had created a bond, at one point e.j. himself noticed the pair and looked like he was going to be sick. the girls finished the song and were getting ready to leave.

“hey, would you actually like to join my band, i need another singer and your voice is killer. we’re playing a party tomorrow night.”

“i would love to, will this song be on this set?” she asked.

“of course, imagine e.j.’s face when he sees two of his exes singing about him.” y/n laughed.

the two girls left and later that evening nini met the rest of the band (y/n managed to find a drummer and bassist a week ago) and practiced their new song as well as a couple of covers for the party.

the next evening, which was a friday, the band found themselves at the party. y/n couldn’t remember the name of whose house they were at though, a friend of a friend who offered her band to play.

y/n passed around shots of tequila to her bandmates “for the nerves” she had put it before downing hers with a groan. the rest followed suit before they made their way in to the basement, where the main part of the party was and where their instruments were set up. y/n pulled her guitar off the stand and plugged it in, she grabbed the microphone and adjusted it.

“hi, i’m y/n and first song i want to sing is an original written by myself and the amazing nini.” y/n motioned to nini who stood next to her, “this song is for anyone whose ever gone through a breakup where their ex got off better than they did, this is good 4 u, enjoy!”

y/n nodded to the bassist who began playing and nini started in with the first verse with y/n doing back up vocals,

“well good for you, i guess you moved on really easily

you found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks

remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world”

y/n leaned into the mic and continued with the next line, 

“and good for you, i guess that you've been working on yourself

i guess that therapist i found for you, she really helped

now you can be a better man for your brand new girl”

the drummers began playing and y/n began strumming her guitar and nini leaned into their shared mic as they both sang the chorus,

“well good for you

you look happy and healthy, not me

if you ever cared to ask

good for you”

y/n and nini smiled at each other as they continued,

“you're doing great out there without me, baby

god, i wish that i could do that

i’ve lost my mind

i’ve spent the night

crying on the floor of my bathroom

but you're so unaffected, i really don't get it

but I guess good for you”

y/n took the next verse and nini did the back up vocals. y/n joined nini to sing,

“baby what the fuck is up with that?

nini continued the next verse on her own with y/n joining in on the chorus again. y/n sang the bridge on her own before they both sang the chorus. they both found e.j. in the crowd as they sang. the girls smiled at one another before locking eyes with the boy to finish out their song,

“well, good for you, i guess you moved on really easily”

the crowd of excited, drunk teenagers cheered as the song ended. “i hope you all liked that!” y/n announced, out of breath. she looked at nini who was smiling just as widely as she was. she pulled the girl into a hug (being mindful if the guitar hanging around her). they bowed and nini grabbed the mic, “we will be taking a short break but we will be back!”

the band shared a group hug before breaking apart to find a drink or friends. carlos, ashlyn, and kortney quickly found nini who was with y/n looking for water. “that was amazing!” carlos squealed, pulling nini in for a hug followed by the two girls.

“y/n, that was incredible!” ashlyn gushed, hugging her as well, “i’ve missed hanging out with you so much!”

“i have too!” y/n exclaimed.

“hate to interrupt but can we please go find some water?” nini shouted over the music someone put on. y/n nodded and threw her arm over nini’s shoulder before they began their search.

[d-criss-news]

Nine Songs: Darren Criss

When Disney, Phantom Planet and Mr Hudson collide: Glee star, Emmy and Golden Globe winner and musician Darren Criss talks Andrew Wright through the pivotal songs in his life and the unexpected ways they found him.

“When we are younger, our gateway drugs to a lot of popular things don’t come from the sexiest of places. It’s up to you how proactive you want to be with your curiosity from there, and how far down the rabbit hole you want to go, if you go down at all.”

Choosing the songs that define you is a tricky business to say the least, especially when the power of song has provided an ongoing soundtrack to your life. “When you’re as avid a music consumer as musical artists are, trying to pin down Nine Songs is difficult,” Darren Criss laughs. So much so, his final choices only really crystallise as our conversation draws to its close. “It’s hard for me not to see the value and joy in literally everything,” he explains. “The curse of the creative person is that your ideas and your interests always move way faster than your body can execute.”

Criss is a creative par excellence. As well as his Emmy and Golden Globe winning performance in The Assassination of Gianni Versace, where he played serial killer Andrew Cunanan, to his upcoming role in Muppets Haunted Mansion Halloween special as The Caretaker, he’s also a prolific musician. Criss enjoyed a decadent musical consumption since childhood, so “this was a bit of an archaeological dig,” he admits. As such, everything from jazz standards, to 808s, punk rock, ‘90s teen pop, and musical numbers are excavated in the course of our extemporaneous journey through the music he loves.

Equally on his mind is how to go about approaching the task of creating his Nine Songs, full stop. “The interesting social experiment is: Are my answers going to be songs that actually shaped my life and were formative to me as an artist? Are they songs that were formative to me as a human being? Or am I picking songs that I think represent who I am to people that do not know me? All three of those things aren’t necessarily the same thing.”

He reaches a conclusion of sorts. “For the purposes of making some kind of decision, I’m gonna lean less into trying to look cool to your very cool readership, and more into the literal, ‘What made me think about music in a different way? And hit me in a very emotional way?’ I think that’s probably the healthiest route.”

Embracing the accessibility that characterises Criss’ picks - or at times the initial touchpoints that led him to them - are something he vacillates over during our chat. “I’ve seen a lot of other people’s Nine Songs and they’re super cool. It’s like Leonard Cohen B-sides and old opera records and stuff. I’m gonna be pretty honest with the pop culture zeitgeist of how I grew up but explain why there is so much value in those moments.” His contemplation continues into the next day, Criss’s publicist passes on his regrets at being tentative to admit how he encountered one of his song choices via the Shrek soundtrack.

A yearning to reinterpret accessibility and the value attached to it drives Criss, however. He tells me that a festival performance that applied the anarchic verve of punk rock to a more refined Great American Songbook number remoulded his perception of music entirely. His love of the fusion of these two genres in particular symbolises the salient musical backdrops of his childhood - the guitar bands he played in with friends, and his musical theatre endeavours that led him to Broadway and multiple Ryan Murphy juggernauts, including his breakthrough playing Blaine Anderson in Glee.

Criss employs these contrasting musical lexicons, and other areas in between, on Masquerade, his new EP. Comprising five stand-alone “character-driven” singles, it sees Criss donning different musical personas. “I’m leaning into people that might know me as an actor,” he explains. “Because if actors can do Shakespeare, romantic comedy, and then do a horror movie and wear a prosthetic nose and a wig, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just do that with music.” The song “walk of shame” draws on jazz-standard chords interlaced with hip-hop production, “i can’t dance” looks to new-wave, and “for a night like this” is the product of Criss’ goal to create the ultimate end-of-the-night crowd-pleaser for a new-year bash, wedding or bar mitzvah. “This is all of the parts of me as a lifelong fan of these genres, trying my hand at servicing the pieces of them that I love.”

“I really love all styles of music and understanding what makes them unique and special and what makes them really pop. There are so many things that really make things sing - for lack of a better verb - and I like acknowledging those things and celebrating those things.”

“So, let’s begin. I have runners up and shit, and I have artists, I don’t just have the songs, so we might have to pick them as we go.”

“Part of Your World” by Jodi Benson

“When people read this, they’ll go ‘That’s cute, he likes Disney songs’, but it’s more profound than that. Some of the most formative pieces of music to hit me at a very early age would have been any of the songs that were coming from ‘The Disney renaissance.’ The early-mid ‘90s explosion of The Little Mermaid, Aladdin and Beauty and The Beast.

"One of the through lines between the three of those musicals was Howard Ashman, who is one of my all-time heroes. Dramaturg, songwriter - he really was the voice behind what made those songs great. I have always loved Howard’s lyrical sensibility and also Alan Menken, his partner who wrote these songs with him. There was a musical structure to a lot of the songs which I would unconsciously pick up in my own songwriting, not just musically, but the idea that not only did somebody make these songs, but they wrote them for a story.

“There’s a clip of Howard Ashman vocal directing Jodi Benson, who was the original voice of Ariel. It’s a wonderful example of his genius, where not only was he songwriting but he was storytelling in the way he would tell her how to perform it, and you can really see the song coming to life in that clip. That’s when you cross the street from ‘It’s a song’ to ‘This is an experience.’

"There are certain ingredients that are required to elevate music that goes beyond just a nice melody, a beautiful orchestration and a good voice. There are things that are required to really give a performance a characterisation, context and a vulnerability, that he architects in real-time with Jodi Benson. You see that what he’s doing is what makes the record so special, and that’s something that’s always been inspiring to me.”

“MMMBop” by Hanson

“I think my love of Hanson was because some people didn’t like it, so I was like ‘Fuck you, I like this, how do you feel about it?’ But this is difficult for me, because you know, I’m speaking to The Line of Best Fit and we’re trying to be cool! Although, do you know what’s cool? Being accessible! Writing a pop hit when you are 10 years old. Being in a band with your brothers and you’re all below the age of 15, you have a record contract where you are writing, producing and performing songs that are doing well.

“I was 10 years old when their first album Middle of Nowhere came out, and I remember reading somewhere that there were these kids that had a record. At the time, I was playing guitar and I was writing songs, but in my mind I was a kid, and that was it. I couldn’t be on the radio; you had to be a grown up to do this.

"This was the first time where I realised ‘Holy shit, kids can do stuff!’ It’s the value of seeing yourself in the media - that’s a whole other conversation to talk about - but there’s an immense value in feeling like there’s a piece of you out in the zeitgeist and doing well because it’s encouraging. You go, ‘Holy shit, maybe I can do this as well.'

“When you see children doing things, you’re ‘Wow, this is so cute and fabulous’, but then when you actually look at it you go, ‘This is miles above what most people in this age group are capable of,’ and that’s all I saw, because I was in the same age group and I was so inspired by that. This whole album was really a turning point for me, where I was like, ‘I can do this, I can do music too, because these guys can.'

“Ooh La La” by Faces

“This song really blew my mind. It became my own theme. It’s that ‘Make your heart sing’, nostalgic moment when you’re a teenager, driving in the car listening to it, playing guitar with your friends and you’re singing “I wish that I knew what I know now / When I was younger.” You’re like, ‘because I’m an adult now, I’m 15-years-old. If I only knew what I know now.’

“I was doing theatre from a young age and I was part of a young conservatory called A.C.T. in San Francisco. By way of somebody who knew somebody, I had an audition for a movie. As a kid not being near New York or Los Angeles it was really exciting, and this audition was for a film called ‘Max Fischer’, which would become the movie Rushmore, which would become one of my favourite movies of all time by the now very distinguished Wes Anderson.

“Separate from my own objective love of Wes Anderson, when this movie came out I was just around the age of getting into my own sort of identity with music, but also movies - indie movies - and trying to assert who I was. So, I see this movie Rushmore and I love it. I love the soundtrack, I love it so much, it’s one of my favourite albums ever. This song is the end sequence, and the way it made me feel - the vocals on it, I could play it on guitar and it was part of a cool movie - it really represented a lot in my life.

“And because of the acting thing, and Rushmore being great - it’s about this kid in high-school who's misunderstood but has his own agenda - everything about it was just so fucking cool to me. To this day, I cite that song as one of my favourite records of all time.”

“Recently Distressed” by Phantom Planet

“A guy that really formed the way I would sing and write songs is Alex Greenwald, the frontman of Phantom Planet. I went to see Phantom Planet because I loved Rushmore and I found out that Jason Schwartzman [who had been cast as Max Fischer] was also the drummer for a band called Phantom Planet.

"So, when I saw their name on the bill I went, but I didn't know their music. I was barely 14, but their set blew my mind. It was Rock and Roll, but I loved Alex Greenwald’s voice. I loved everything, and I would follow their career from there. I always tell people that my voice is a combination of me trying to be Alex Greenwald, Paul McCartney and Rufus Wainwright, but failing. Alex was incredibly formative for me.

“One of their biggest records was a little while after I first saw them, which was the song for The O.C., "California." That was more of an Elvis Costello thing, and they employed a lot of stuff that sounded to me like The Beatles and a lot of ‘60s mod/pop-rock. But later they would employ things from Fugazi, Radiohead and harder shit, and that eclecticism, again, only accelerated my love for Phantom Planet.

“Recently Distressed” is from their 1998 album Phantom Planet Is Missing. This was a cool rock song that employed these George [Harrison] and Paul [McCartney] background vocals and included all of the things that I loved. It was harder but melodic and employed minor 4th chords and more complicated chords than I was used to. I had grown up with power chords - which are very Gregorian - on a lot of alt. punk rock, like Green Day or Nirvana, and if Kurt Cobain was using power chords then that’s how I was playing guitar. Hearing this music was like ‘Oh, I’m using full chords, not sevenths, minor 4th chords, diminished chords’, shit that I would learn to use more and more.

“When you haven’t experienced much, anything that gives a hint towards possibility, even though it’s probably always been there, you’re like, ‘I like this, I’ve always kind of liked this, but it’s very encouraging to hear somebody else do it and it’s gonna make me reconsider my possibilities.’ That was literally the moment that my power chords turned into full barre chords.”

“Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk” by Rufus Wainwright

“I forgot the other day how I got into Rufus Wainwright, because all of this stuff I was getting into quite young. It’s like when I talk to 11-13 year olds, it’s funny to think that this was when I was really starting to build my musical identity. But then I remembered, and I didn’t want to say because I didn’t want to sound uncool, because he is such a revered artist who exists in a much cooler place than what I’m about to say.

“I loved soundtracks and I would always buy soundtracks for movies that had cool playlists. I had the Shrek soundtrack, and there’s a cover of Leonard Cohen’s seminal “Hallelujah” that Rufus does and he smashes it, and I’m like, ‘Who the fuck is Rufus Wainwright? What a beautiful voice.’ Then I saw that he was going to be at the Virgin Megastore in San Francisco one week, so I go and he’s there promoting his new album Poses. I remember I didn’t have enough money to buy the album that day, so I had him sign my sneaker and I saved that shoe.

“The first song on Poses was “Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk”, which is a very dark and reflective song about his own battles with addiction, but he’s singing it over this really beautiful, whimsical song that has a lot of really great wordplay. I always love when artists, especially lyricists, can encapsulate an idea with not exactly what they’re talking about. The song’s called “Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk”, it’s not called “Addiction”. Its talking about things that he craved and how that’s representative of other things that he’s gone through. There was a sophistication and elegance to that that I really gravitated towards, that I didn’t possess but wanted to shoot for. So when I saw him, that was a big one for me and he would also continue to influence me later in my life.

“I’ve become friends with Rufus since. I’ve performed with him and we’ve made records together, which is crazy. His songwriting was very complex and punk-rock, but he had this classic cabaret voice, the kind of voice that I don’t have. I was fascinated that there was somebody that could write this really dark material but have such elegance on top of it. He was virtuosic on the piano, which I thought was very cool because musicianship is always the thing that gets me going the most about artists.

“You know what? People say, ‘Don’t meet your heroes.' I completely disagree. Chase the living fuck out of your heroes. I’ve spent a lifetime doing so, it’s made me a better artist, and I’ve sometimes got to meet them and work with them. I’ve worked on music with Alex Greenwald of Phantom Planet. I’ve performed with Hanson. I’ve performed those Disney songs with Alan Menken at The Hollywood Bowl.

"This is all because there are people that I love who I have put on my vision board, and the things that they have done are the things that are bringing me to them. So it is nuts, but at the same time you’re like, ‘Well, what else did you think would happen?’ They did stuff that some part of me connected with, so obviously there’s a magnetic pull towards that person.

“Rufus Wainwright is one of my absolute favourite artists of all time and like I said, me trying to sing like him and failing is a big part of my own journey as an artist.”

“3x5” by John Mayer

“John Mayer’s another guy that came around when I was 15. I heard a song of his on a middle-of-the-night, singer/songwriter college radio show. This is where I used to get music. You would listen to these carefully curated playlists that you wouldn’t be able to hear anywhere else, and the host played “No Such Thing”, a new song by this young kid who had just dropped out of Berklee College of Music - John Mayer.

“I’m listening to this song and I’m like, ‘Not only is this guitar playing really interesting, but the lyrical value and everything that is going on here ticks all the boxes.' It was jazz, but it was pop. And he did something that all these other guys and girls I’ve mentioned did. They made something very unique and very accessible.

“I immediately went out to buy this album, Room For Squares, and I listened to it over and over again. It was an album that was really formative for me. "3x5” is a really beautiful song that employs a lot of chord structures and melodies that blew my fucking mind at the time, and it made me wish that I could write songs like that.

“That album was a huge turning point in the way I played the guitar, because it was the first time in my life where I would look up tabs. Up until this point in my life, if I heard a song I could play it instantly. It was like a party trick, I would get how it worked if I heard it, because most of the songs I would hear on the radio - especially those that involved a guitar - were [centred around] power chords. And now I’m hearing all of these ninth chords and thirteenths, and I’m like, ‘What the fuck is this?’ So I’d have to look up tabs.

“I think any young artist can attest to this - when you try and learn other people’s shit, it’s the best tool for educating yourself. Playing other people’s music really helps you lock in what your own style is. Trying to learn these songs - and sometimes pulling it off and sometimes not - really changed the way that my hands moved around the guitar and considered chords and voicings that I’d never really thought of.

“There’s another tie to musical theatre here, where I remember seeing Audra McDonald, who is a very venerated theatre actor, and she did a cabaret. If you’re familiar with cabaret culture, it’s more about performing the story of the songs – ‘Life is a cabaret’. She did a John Mayer song because she thought it was from a musical theatre show, and I was so tickled by this, because I was like ‘Yeah, if you really think about it, I don’t think he knows this and I don’t think his fan base even thinks about this, but there’s a number of his songs that feel very theatrical in the way that the lyrics play with each other and the way the chords move’.

"When I saw this I thought, ‘That is why I like John Mayer’, because yes, he’s an amazing guitar player, but he’s also a really strong songwriter.”

“Cabaret” by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes

“Also, around this time growing up in San Francisco, as a guitar player playing music with your buddies, the number one thing that you play is punk rock. There are different parts of the spectrum of punk rock, there's the NOFX, Swingin’ Utters, like real punk, punk. And then there’s the pop-punk thing that was happening at the same time, which was also equally influential - blink-182 and Green Day.

“Fat Mike was the frontman of NOFX. I loved NOFX, and Me First and the Gimme Gimmes were a supergroup of different members from different punk bands, of which Fat Mike was one of the main architects. They would cover songs and turn them into punk rock songs. They have an album of hits from the ‘60s, and they also have an album called Me First and the Gimme Gimmes: Are a Drag, and that record is just a tonne of musical theatre covers that are done through punk rock.

“That was completely in line with everything I loved at this time of my life but didn’t really know how to articulate. I loved punk rock but I also really loved musical theatre. Not only the performative element of it, but there was a real musicality to musical theatre that wasn’t as present in some of the other shit that was popular at the time, just harmonically, or where chords would go. There was a sophistication I loved that seemed to not exist in punk rock.

“Then hearing Fat Mike at The Warped Tour going ‘Alright, which one of you Motherfuckers loves Julie Andrews?’ and hearing a mixed bag of reactions, because people were ‘What? I was not expecting that from you, sir?’ And then they start playing “My Favourite Things”, a classic Rodgers and Hammerstein song which is very accessible, but sophisticated nonetheless. And I am just living. I’m like, ‘This has got the attitude and simplicity of punk rock, but the sophistication of a beautiful song.’

“That was the first time in my life where I went, ‘It’s just all music. All these categories and boxes are completely arbitrary.’ So I thought, ‘I can do that.' I was playing power chords in punk bands but I realised that you can take chords and make them into other rhythms and voicings and have the same song. I could take a punk song and make it jazz. I could take a jazz song and make it country. So, quite providentially, I would end up on Glee, where they took popular songs and would sometimes do their own versions.

“By that point, I had been doing this my whole life. The first time this ever became a possibility for me was seeing Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, and that way of thinking about music and genre. I’ve put that into Masquerade, and it’s all born from that moment of ‘Oh my God, nothing has to be one thing. It’s just about how you look at it.'

“Cabaret” is from a pretty famous musical that I would’ve probably heard about later in life, but I first heard that song as a punk song and then I went back and heard the original. It doesn’t matter how these things happen, the inspiration happens and then you can go from there. But Me First and The Gimme Gimmes were a huge gateway drug and I play “Cabaret” now every year at my festival. That’s why the festival is called Elsie Fest, because it covers the song.”

“Modern Nature” by Sondre Lerche

“One of the great joys of being a younger brother is that you get to inherit the music of your elders. My brother and I were both really proactive consumers of music, so we would share stuff with each other all the time. But then he would come home from college, which is like coming home from a music festival essentially, right? He was in a new time zone with new people, so he’d bring home these mix CDs that he’d made from people that he’d heard about, and he brings home this guy named Sondre Lerche.

“Hearing this guy blew my mind, because he also was using jazz chords and drawing on musical theatre. Musical theatre’s a massive category, so I can’t just say that musical theatre sounds like one thing, but when I say this, I’m referring to The American Songbook, the jazz standard songbook. “Modern Nature” was a duet that I would go on to play many times with one of my oldest musical collaborators, Charlene Kaye. When we got to college and we both found out that we loved this guy.

“There was a much more whimsical way to how he wrote these songs. And what’s crazy is that loving this guy meant that we also loved Rufus Wainwright, that we also loved these other artists. But Sondre was the first time I considered that I loved that type of music, but I didn’t know that you could be a singer/songwriter and put out music that sounded like it.

“I don’t know if ‘twee’ is the right word to use, but with “Modern Nature” there was a playfulness about it, and again, a musicality that I really gravitated towards. There is a through line - there was a sophistication that was accessible, and me trying to learn those songs did make me rethink the way that I was writing music. The structures were weird and different and I liked that.

“To this day, I find myself writing songs that I think might be difficult for people to ingest, because they’re a little too left of centre, and I realise that I’m trying to write like Sondre Lerche, or I’m unconsciously just copying him.”

“Everything Happens to Me” by Mr Hudson & The Library

“I was in an H&M in Stockholm when I was 21, and I heard this really cool groove and the lyric was “Why must I always play the clown?” It was sung with a really thick British accent, had an 808 feel on it, and lyrically it had an attitude. Who would say something that sounds so like you’re in a Gilbert & Sullivan musical, but it feels hard? It was cool.

“I went home and looked this up and it was off the record A Tale of Two Cities by Mr Hudson and the Library, which would really, really fuck me up. I bought the album immediately because I loved this song. I had to order it on the internet because I couldn’t find it. It was doing well in England and he was on the festival circuit in the early-mid 2000s, but the first song on the album was a musical theatre cover with 808s.

“It was a pared-down, sort of a hip-hop version of “On The Street Where You Live” from My Fair Lady, and I’m like ‘No fucking way, this guy gets where my head is.’ I’d thought about punk rock musical theatre, but I never thought about 808s and 909s scoring these beautiful songs. I go down the track list and he has “Everything Happens to Me”, which is another very famous standard, and he had this really cool, what we would now call chill-hop, ‘study beats’ version of this song. I was like, ‘This is it. This guy gets that good music is good music and you can reinterpret it to offer it as a new song.’

“I would later become great friends with Mr Hudson. I got to meet him years later when I was with Columbia Records, and they said to me ‘Who do you want to meet?’ He was at the top of my list. I went to London and we’ve been friends ever since and have created all kinds of music together.

“He told me a story where Tyler the Creator went up to him once at Coachella and said, ‘Oh man, “Everything Happens To Me”, that’s like my song.’ We both wondered if Tyler the Creator knew that it was a Chet Baker cover. And we were thinking how cool it is that you can offer these songs to a new audience through a different lens. Tyler’s a smart guy, he’s very cultured, and I’m sure he did know. But it’s more the idea that if someone experienced this song and didn’t know that it was a cover, and this is like the first time they ever get to experience it.

“Mr Hudson would go on to do his own thing with Kanye and was on 808s & Heartbreak and has had his own career. I think “Supernova” was a hit in the UK, it didn’t really cross over here to The States, but before that moment for him, that Mr Hudson and The Library album changed my life. People use that phrase willy-nilly, but this literally was a turning point in my life. It all had to do with the same thing that happened with these other songs, where I saw someone do what I always wanted to do but didn’t really know how to pull off. Where he had this fusing of old songs delivered through a contemporary lens, but also laced it with his own original material that also employed the things that made that old songwriting interesting.

“It’s like changing the font of a great essay but finding the font and figuring out that that font is its own art form. He really displayed that marvellously on this.”

The Masquerade EP is out now

[thechangeling]

I remember the minute

This is a fic about my OC Janessa Williams being an enneagram eight. Speaking of eights I wanted to somehow reference Alastair in here so bad but it just wasn't working.

I highly reccomend listening to Eight by Sleeping at past while reading this!

Cw: Mentions of transphobia and ableism, mentions of canon typical violence and murders.

There are some parts of your brain that you never really turn off. Especially if you grew up stuck in in survival mode. It's almost like your brain gets stuck in fight or flight. Like a switch was flipped and it doesn't know how to switch off.

For Janessa this manifested as becoming a bigger threat then those who wanted to hurt her. Growing up as a trans kid in foster care she had to learn to make herself scary. Someone no one would fuck with. She channelled her anger at the world, at her parents where ever they were, at everyone and let it out like a harnessed storm. Like a weapon.

There was no such thing as living only surviving. She desperately wanted friends as a kid but when you were at war, they were a luxury you couldn't afford. And even when she thought she could risk it she usually ended up driving people away. Because people thought she was too weird, she talked too much or obsessed over stupid things. Whatever. Being alone was better.

Or at least that was what she had convinced herself. Deep down Janessa knew that she wanted other things then just surviving. She wished she could experience the world and have fun. Buy fancy pretty clothes and go to parties or travel. But more than anything she wanted to make music. Singing and playing guitar was pretty much the only thing that calmed her mind sometimes. And playing video games.

She had always chosen to play as a female character when no one was looking, for as long as she could remember. And Janessa never really questioned why. And then one day she did.

She chose the name Janessa from one of her favorite video games. Getting people to use it was actually pretty hard though. There were some people in her school or at the doctor's office that did genuinely try. And then some people who just spat in her face. She had always felt this profound despair throughout her entire life. And yeah some of that was dysphoria and the loneliness that came from being bothered by everyone she met, but it was also something else something deeper.

Things just seemed so much harder for her then everyone else. It was like her brain was running on a totally different frequency. It was always either too fast or too slow. She barely graduated high school, but managed to get a music scholarship at a local college. Aging out of the system at 18 meant she could start HRT without parental consent and it wasn't like any of the assholes who fostered her would let her. It was free in Ontario but wait times were still shit though.

In order to get fast tracked you had to pay out of pocket which had led to Nessie doing some slightly less than legal things to make that money. Sometimes when you get backed into a corner you don't have a choice.

Story of her fucking life.

Shit kinda hit the fan after she turned 19 though. She had a hard time showing up for class on time and getting her assignments done. It only got worse as time went on. She just couldn't focus. Her life became less about surviving and more about escaping. Partying, drugs, sex, anything she could do to distract herself was amazing in her book. She threw herself into whatever she could as long as she kept moving.

She got into activism, not so much because she cared about making the world better but because she wanted revenge. It was a place to let loose all her anger at the systems of power that hurt her, at all the people who treated her like trash.

But anger can only sustain you for so long.

And then she became a monster.

Nessie was camped out on her favorite spot in the LA institute, the kitchen counter, drinking blood out of her bisexual coloured plastic starbucks cup when she heard the sound of laughter coming from the hall.

"By the angel! Stop it Dru. You're impossible!"

Janessa knew that voice. She loved that voice.

Thaís.

"No seriously you know I'm right!" She heard another voice say, raspier and more relaxed. It was Drusilla.

The two of them had gone out for dinner for some "bestie time" as Dru put it and Janessa was absolutely not sitting around waiting for Thaís to get back. Nope absolutely not, that would be pathetic.

Nessie hopped down gracefully and made her way to the kitchen door.

"No, look see this is you," Dru said playfully but clearly still trying to make a point. She then flopped dramatically onto a nearby sofa and tossed her head back. Thaís rolled their eyes.

"Oh look at my poor poor neck! All bare and exposed!" She pressed a hand to her chest. "It sure would be a shame if somebody were to...bite me."

"I hate you," Thaís said good naturedly with a giggle.

Janessa felt a strange sinking sensation watching the scene unfold. She knew it was just a stupid joke and it was no big deal. But there was truth in what Dru had said. Thaís thought they were living some twilight-esqe sapphic fairytale. They were a Carmilla obsessed lesbian who had quotes from the book saved and screenshoted on their phone. Except what made things even worse was that Thaís wasn't a helpless lamb. They weren't a mundane, they were a freaking shadowhunter.  And yet still Thaís didn't understand what Janessa really was. What she had done.

And how the hell could they when you never told them dumbass?

She wasn't exactly a relationships person. Mostly on account of the fact getting her to open up was like prying open a rusted lock. And Nessie refused to apologize for it. Being strong was how she kept herself safe. She had only ever been in one other serious relationship besides Thaís.

Her name was Yvonne and she was another sapphic trans woman. Janessa met her in college, back when she was still human. And things were rough but Yvonne made the days seem a little brighter. She was sweet, optimistic and confident, always trying to take care of people. She had so much love to give and Nessie couldn't handle it. The intensitity, the vulnerability. Any of it.

So before she could be hurt or left, Janessa ruined it.

Nessie was now faced with the slightly awkward problem of wondering if she should stay in the kitchen and wait until they left or announce her presence. The decision was made for her when Thaís started making their way towards the kitchen and Nessie flattened herself against the wall on instinct. She didn't need to breath so in most cases she could hide pretty easily.

Fuck. She hated this. Hiding from Thaís like a coward. It wasn't her usual style. Janessa was confrontational as Thaís so wonderfully put it. A nice way of saying aggressive and pushy.

A while back Mari had gotten them all into the enneagram. Basically a way of analyzing your motivations and how you interacted with the world.

Nessie was an eight. The Challenger they called it.

The protector, Kit would say. She was always trying to protect all of them, her friends. Her only real ties to humanity other than Thaìs.

Speaking of, they had started humming while pouring a glass of water. And Nessie recognized it almost immediately.

The song was one of hers.

Janessa grit her teeth and focused on not letting her emotions affect her. She couldn't let herself be weak. More than anything she wanted to let Thaís in. To tell them everything.

But she couldn't. She knew what would happen and Nessie just couldn't fucking let it. She refused to be rejected. She waited until Thaís was gone to wash her empty cup and leave the kitchen. Dru and Thaís were camped out on the couches, still chatting enthusiastically, so she snuck by them and up the stairs in a blur.

As she reached the top of the stairs, she realized that Kit was sitting outside the bedroom he and Ty shared down the hall. He gave her an exhausted smile.

"Hey babes." Nessie took her spot beside Kit and slid down the wall. "What's going on? Did your boy kick you out?"

Kit shook his head. "Nah, nightmares again. I didn't wanna wake him up."

Janessa sighed and draped an arm around his shoulder. She thought about asking if he wanted to talk about it but she knew what the answer would be. Not that she could talk. Nessie was pretty much the same.

"What about you?" Kit asked. She turned her head to face him. "Isn't it kinda early for you to be going to bed?"

"I wasn't," she admitted. "I was.. I was sort of avoiding Thaís."

Kit instantly looked concerned. Janessa turned back ahead to avoid the intensity of his stare.

"Why? What did they do?"

She let out a humourless laugh. "They didn't do anything Kit-Kat. It's my fault. I'm a coward."

Kit scoffed. "Bullshit. You're like the bravest, most badass person I know."

And it stung more then she would like to admit hearing Kit talk about her like that. Like she was some kind of hero. Kit saw her as his protector, as the white knight of the story. But he didn't know any better. He didn't know the truth.

Janessa steeled herself against her emotions. "No I'm not. I'm a murderer."

"And if I tell Thaís, they're gonna hate me."

The silence that fell over them in that moment was excruciating. Nessie really didn't wanna look at Kit but she still forced herself to do it anyway.

He just looked confused. Did he not believe her?

Typical, stubborn Kit.

She chewed on her bottom lip, a habit she developed as a kid when she was punished for fidgeting in more obvious ways. "It's not like I wanted to be you know? In the beginning I wasn't exactly planning on becoming a monster. For the longest time I wanted to be good. I wanted to fight for the people who needed it, people like me who were suffering." Nessie could feel a lump in her throat. She fought past it.

She would not cry. She would not cry.

Kit's expression had shifted from confusion to something else. Disgust? Anger? She couldn't say. But it wasn't good.

Janessa sighed. "I guess i've always been the kinda girl who just gets so lost in the noise. I get caught up in the moment and forget to think, forget to process what I'm actually doing you know? When I was alive, I was always chasing the next big thing, the next party, the next hit, the next cause. I didn't know why, it was before I knew I had ADHD.  I just knew that if I stopped moving I would die.

Kit took a deep shaky breath. Nessie could see tears in his eyes. She kept going anyways.

"And when I died I became a stomach. And I was still chasing that hit. The rush of adrenaline as I chased them through alleyways and the satisfying surge in dopamine when I suck my teeth into them. And I just never stopped to think. Never let myself feel. I just kept moving. And I never looked back at the victims."

Kit looked completely dumbfounded. He shook his head slightly. "But- but why?"

Why? That was s good question. One that she honestly still didn't fully have the answer to. And all the ones that she could come up with weren't good enough. That she was hungry? That she wasn't thinking? Or maybe she was just so angry and broken and tired of hurting that she wanted to make someone else hurt for a change, regardless of whether they actually deserved it.

It was humiliating, knowing that she had just given up like that. But at the time it hadn't seemed that way.

Janessa sighed staring up at the ceiling as if she could find the answer plastered there. "The thing is when you turn, everyone else around you starts to look so damn small. You've become something different, and it's not really like you think your better then them more like you start seeing them as beneath you. You stop seeing them as people instead of food. You start to forget that you used to be one of them."

"So what changed?" Kit's voice sounded rough like sandpaper.

She met his gaze again. She was fully prepared for his rage, his hatred. But Kit just looked sad. And Nessie felt this stupid urge to apologize. But what good would that do? She wasn't even sure she could. She couldn't remember the last time she had apologized for anything.

But she wanted to apologize to Kit. For not being what he wanted, what he needed. And to show him that she meant it.

What had changed?

Janessa sighed and twisted herself, readjusting her knees so she was turned around to fully face him. "Honestly, I realized that I didn't like who I was anymore. I had fought for so fucking long to be who I really was and then I just destroyed her. And I had no excuses, not really. Sure I was in pain but so are a lot of people. It didn't give me the right to hurt anyone." She paused.

"I guess I just decided it was enough. And I know I can't fix it. I can't bring those people back. All I can do now is try to be better. Save lives when I can, help people, protect you." She swallowed. "I get it if you don't wanna see me again but I will always protect you."

Nessie wasn't sure what she was expecting Kit to do, but throwing his arms around her and squeezing her tightly wasn't it. She let out a little gasp of surprise as she felt his body crash into hers.

"Don't ever say that," he murmered into her hair. "I'll always want to see you Nessie."

And that finally broke the dam. The tears that she had been suppressing for so long finally came streaming down her face. Hearing her cry only made Kit hold her tighter. She sobbed into his neck, finally letting the pain of the past 21 years come rushing out.

Kit finally pulled back and looked her dead in the eye, gently wiping the tears from her face. "Listen to me," he murmed. "You are my best friend. It doesn't matter to me what you've done in your past. It's over, and if you need someone to forgive you then I do ok? I forgive you and I love you." He smiled sadly at her. "Until the day I die."

Janessa let out an embarrassing little whine as her heart constricted. She didn't want to think about Kit dying. She knew deep down that one day she would lose him but she could still pretend that wasn't happening. At least for now.

She rubbed her thumb across his cheek. "I will love you forever and ever Kit-Kat."

He rolled his eyes. "Well of course you had to get all competitive about it."

She laughed, carefully wiping her eyes to avoid smearing her eyeliner.

"Listen, I think you should talk to Thaís," said Kit. "I can't promise they won't be mad or freaked out but keeping this a secret is only gonna make you feel like shit. Believe me I know."

Nessie sighed. Kit was right. She couldn't keep hiding this from them. She had to face what she had done and deal with the consequences, whatever they were.

Even if they never talked to her again. She could survive it. She had to.

She could survive anything.

Authors note: Thaís is 18 in all of my fics because I completely forgot they were 16 like and idiot and now I can't change it so 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Tagging: @lavender-scented-rat   @littlx-songbxrd   @have-a-holly-jolly-angstmas @tired-vin @phoenix-and-dragon @amchara @wagner-fell @sandersgrey @the-wckd-powers @spooky-drusilla @ellexu

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

WRITING ADVENT CALENDAR

Day 18

Prompt: Writing the perfect christmas song?

Aka: Simón and Matteo both have trouble writing christmas songs and both get a person who can help them with that

Read on ao3 or under the cut.

Simón was trying to play on his guitar, but after just playing a few notes, he sighed to himself.

"Simón!" Luna shouted, running up to him. She did a small jump, landing in a sitting position next to him on stage. "How's my best friend forever?"

"I wish I was happier, but I was tasked to write a christmas song and I don't have any ideas."

Luna started to swing her legs up and down, "Can I help?"

"Please."

Simón played some notes on his guitar. Luna nodded her head to the music.

"That's all I got," he said.

"Hmm... try adding..." Luna then hummed some tones. Simón curiously played it and then lit up.

"That sounds so good! You're a genius!"

"No, i'm not. I just came up with something."

"You're always coming up with something right when I need it."

Luna smiled, "Well, I do it unintentionally."

Simón played the notes on his guitar again.

"Ooh, ooh..." Luna hummed, "Writing a christmas song..."

"Writing a christmas song..." Simón sang, "With my best friend..."

"I'm your best friend..." Luna sang, giggling. They continued to sing random lines as Simón continued to play random notes his guitar.

"It's christmas and the sun is shining..."

"So now we really should stop... whining?"

"Luna, can you tell me what rhymes with snow?"

"We don't have snow here, maybe oh oh oh?"

Both bursted out laughing. 

"Ah, I love singing silly stuff with you," Luna chuckled.

"Remember when we were kids and we did that all the time?" Simón asked, "We just made up songs."

"Yeah, and we even performed them at that christmas talent show for the kids in that part of town!"

"Ah, we were glorious!"

"Christmas always brings me nostalgia in some way," Luna admitted. "So many happy memories..."

Simón gasped. "That's right! Nostalgia! Luna, you did it!"

"What?"

"That's what I'm gonna write! A christmas song about the nostalgia you feel around that time of the year! I think I'll call it "childhood jingles" you know, like jingle bells? What do you think?"

"That sounds awesome, Simón!"

"I better get to work! No, we better get to work! You're gonna help me get more inspired!"

-

Matteo was sitting backstage, also stringing on his guitar. He, too, had been asked to create a christmas song, and just like Simón, he was struggling.

He had no childhood friend who could help him. However, someone who did come into the room was a certain rapper boy.

Things had been a bit... odd between Matteo and Ramiro since 2 days ago, where they kissed under a mistletoe at a christmas party (which, despite its name, didn't occur on christmas. Actual christmas was for spending time with their families, so they had this party some days before). 

The boys didn't really... talk much, but it was like they were moving towards each other all the time.

"What are you doing in here?" Matteo asked.

Ramiro shrugged, "I have no clue, I just had a...." He had his hand in his pocket and his other hand waving around as he snapped his fingers, "... a gut feeling? Like something inside me said I needed to get in here."

"Okay..."

Ramiro smacked his lips, trying to keep his cool posture or something. "So... what are you doing?"

"I'm... uh... trying to write a christmas song."

"Oh-ho!" Ramiro jumped up at the table and sat there as he looked at Matteo. Matteo awkwardly tried to look back. He didn't want to, but if he looked away, Ramiro would wonder why. "How far have you come in your sing-song-sing-writing-thing?" Ramiro asked.

"I... haven't gotten anywhere."

"You haven't gotten anywhere? Woo!" Ramiro started to rap, "The king of the rink, he has no sync, he needs some inspiration, cause he's in desperation..." He then beatboxed a bit, before going "...yeah!"

"You never stop rapping, huh?"

"You gotta keep it up to not lose the flow."

"I guess... I mean, I am the same with music. I need to play or sing some to not lose it."

"You understand it, man."

Matteo chuckled. "Uhm... do you... have any idea what I could write for a christmas song?"

"Mmm..." Ramiro grabbed the table with his hands and made himself slide closer to Matteo. This caused Matteo to bit his lip and grow a bit nervous, but Ramiro didn't care. "So, the first thing I think of right now is like... christmas trees, decorations... mistletoes-"

"Hm-mphm!" Matteo coughed.

"Are you okay?" Ramiro asked, trying not to laugh.

"Yeah... yeah..."

"Matteo..." he put a hand on his shoulder, "Mattito. Matty boy-"

"WHAT?!"

"Are you really okay? Is it because I mentioned mistletoe-"

"I'm fine!"

Ramiro looked at him and Matteo looked back. The Matteo sighed.

"Ok, I knew... at the party, I said it was ok, I liked it, and I did. But... it's been so awkward ever since. Every time I see you, I... I don't know, it feels odd. Don't you think it feels odd?"

Ramiro was silent for a moment. Then he looked down on the floor as he snickered.

"Yeah... yeah, I think it feels odd. That's why I think I constantly get dragged closer to you, cause I feel like we started something we now can't end. Cause... it didn't really end at the party, did it?"

"No, it didn't."

"We have some unfinished business, Matteo-man. I just gotta put it out there... I feel like... maybe I feel something more for you than just... bro-feelings... ugh, maybe friendship feelings sounds better..." Ramiro was cringing at himself.

"No, bro-feelings is exactly something you would say," Matteo chuckled, "It's so you. You're never afraid to be yourself and that's what I love about you."

Ramiro beamed. "And I like... how you're so... yourself, too, in some way. Sorry, I am terrible at this."

"Terrible at what?"

"Giving good compliments. Flirting."

Matteo frowned, "Wait, you were flirting?"

"I was? I wasn't sure myself."

Both looked at each other and then laughed.

"For the record," Matteo said, "I think I... feel something for you, too. But I don't know what. It was like, the mistletoe incident made me wonder... is there something more? I want to explore the emotions, but I didn't know how to, cause I didn't know how to tell you that..."

"You want to kiss me again?"

"Uh-"

"Cause..." Ramiro moved closer, "I wanna kiss you again, too."

Matteo got a bit surprised, but he quickly smiled. He moved closer as well. Soon, the boys lips met.

As they kissed, Matteo started to play on his guitar. It was like the music came to him as he felt the emotions of the kiss. This caused Ramiro to let go.

"Wow, you liked it so much?"

"I..." Matteo started to play some more and realized he got an entire melody just by the flow.

"Wow!" Ramiro applauded, "Did I make you do that?"

"I guess you did," Matteo said, "Now I just need to make a lyrics."

"Maybe we can make out and you'll get inspired in no-time."

Matteo smirked. "Maybe so... there's only one way to find out."

[marahuyos]

anon asked: Hi I really liked that hc with the pointing lips, I didn’t expect to see this on the tag list and my filipino heart couldn’t contain it 🥺 this is my first time requesting for a genshin fanfic heheh. I want to request a hc something to do with Harana, where the characters (albedo, Diluc, kaeya, maybe xiao 👀 and other characters you would like to add) sing from your window to persuade/court you since it’s part of (our) S/O culture so they wanted to impress them with this... IKSNSJS

*:･ﾟ✧ nakilig ako dito putaena AHAHAHAHHA

doing this quickly bc i wanna do it b4 windblume ends sksks. also i’ll go and link some songs fitting for the characters (all filipino ofc. spoilers its all ben&ben HAHAHAHAHA)!

gn!reader

tw: none

✧ Diluc Ragnvindr | Ben&Ben - Araw-Araw

Umaga na sa ating duyan 'Wag nang mawawala Umaga na sa ating duyan Magmamahal, o mahiwaga

• It’s apparent that Diluc can sing since he won first place in the music minigame. He was taught at a young age on playing and dabbling in the arts like any other young noble should. It comes as no surprise that Diluc knows how to sing and play.

• It was you who had to tell Diluc this tradition when the Windblume Festival hits. When hearing the prospect of reciting poetry to your loved ones, you immediately got excited, which made Diluc question your sudden excitement.

• “Back where I’m from, there’s a tradition where a person will sing to their crush if they want to court them. It’s usually underneath a window sill but either way, I do want to experience it at least once!”

• He imprints the sight of your soft smile at the memory of the tradition. He thinks back on his time learning music as he cleans a beer glass. He’s not a bad singer by any means (ngl i thought diluc was voiced by jonah scott bc hoo boy he sings. but imagine my surprise when he was voiced by mishima skks). He can definitely carry a tune but would he risk his entire dignity by singing under your window sill with a song that he barely knows?

• If Kaeya wasn’t there, then maybe. Maybe.

• So he opts for the next best option; serenading in a private and romantic place. It wouldn’t be the Dawn Winery, there is too much traffic to try and attempt to sing. Windrise is an option but Diluc knows that the sisters of the church comes and cleans the statue (and Barbatos knows that he doesn’t want Barbara to faint from his voice). His next bet is Starsnatch Cliff, where numerous Cecilia flowers are littered across the cliff. 

• With that plan, he now attempts to memorize a song from your country. Diluc’s a fast learner, so he has no trouble learning the notes, the lyrics (though his pronunciation leaves little to be desired), and finally, the emotion carried through the music. Now that’s where he struggled since he doesn’t know how to convey emotion compared to other musicians. He tries his best, even asking Venti for help (enrolled is what Venti would use but at least he was paid with the best alcohol).

• Now to actually play the damn thing. He already struggled when inviting you out to Starnsatch Cliff (and bribing the couple that was there away), he hopes that his fingers wouldn’t twitch from nerves. It was when he began strumming his guitar that he realized something: there was no point in proving that he can sing. There was no point in learning a different language when there were many other different things he could’ve done to impress you. There was no need to potentially embarrass himself.

• But it was worth it when he sees your wide-eyes, your parted lips, and the warmth on your cheeks when he leans in closer. It’s worth it to see your eyes shine just like the stars in the sky when you understood the lyrics. It was worth it to see you say the words that Diluc longed to hear from your lips as he sealed them with a kiss.

Dawn has come within our cradle I pray you never fade Dawn has come within our cradle I love you, my ethereal

✧ Albedo | Ben&Ben - Ride Home

Took a morning ride, found a place up in my mind, no one else can see Maybe it's fate that we lose control In circles around, we go We become who we ought to know We just gotta let it go We just gotta let it go

• I think it’s safe to say that everyone knows Albedo can sing when his VA posted him singing. He can carry a tune and play decently on the strings. It’s just that he closes himself off in his research in Dragonspine all the while the Windblume Festival is in full swing. It’s not like you to leave someone behind while everyone is celebrating so you stand by Albedo for the duration of the festival.

• He says that you didn’t have to keep him company, more so if you don’t know anything about alchemy, but you were adamant to not leave the alchemist alone. Albedo can’t help the warmth fluttering in his heart that you wanted to stay with him. He wanted to try and teach you basic alchemical stuff so you wouldn’t feel bored or left out but he feared the shakiness in his voice would hinder him.

• So, you two talk about each other instead. While Albedo didn’t have anything noteworthy to talk about, you said to him about how you wished you can partake in the music game in hopes to play a love song. You told him that you wanted to try and sing a love song to your crush since it was a tradition in your country. While he bristled at the fact that you have a crush, the way your eyes flitted towards him, with a wavy smile on your face solidified his feelings for you.

• Having that information in mind, he quickly makes a harp out of the materials he has on hand. Such a feat is nothing to Albedo but it wasn’t the music that he was afraid of, it was giving his feelings away to you so suddenly. Learning a new language wasn’t so hard (because he learned it when he immediately realized he had feelings for you, what’s stopping him from learning everything?), but he fears that you may take it the wrong way.

• Or rather, he fears that he may do something he regret towards you.

• But he perseveres. When you were up sitting on a rock formation, studying a rare flower, Albedo stood below you, harp in hand. The sight of him, his beautiful eyes that were used to be so sure are now nervously flitting from side to side. His voice was carried out to the wind, deep and soothing just like the winds that caressed your skin. Albedo is nothing short of nervous but he was sure that he had his point across when he sees your blushing smile.

• All fears vanished when you jumped down a giggling mess, saying that this was the best Windblume Festival ever when you leaned in and kissed him.

So I'm coming home to you, ooh You, ooh You're all I need, the very air I breathe You are home, home

✧ Kaeya Alberich | Ben&Ben - Pagtingin

‘Pag nilahad ang damdamin Sana ‘di magbago ang pagtingin Aminin ang mga lihim Sana ‘di magbago ang pagtingin

• Kaeya won’t deny that he’s just as musically inclined as Diluc. As siblings, they’re naturally competitive against one another, always competing to see who can play the better piece. He wishes he could go back to those days, but bygones are bygones. Now, he strums his harp just for fun. Still, he’s not one to serenade to random strangers so it’s a first time for him to be laying his heart out in the open.

• Kaeya, like a responsible captain, steals you away and joins in the festivities with you with an arm around your waist. Reluctantly, you humored him, as you recount previous stories that you’ve experienced. One particular story that he keeps in memory was when you were serenaded once in your own bedroom window. While you had to turn down the one courting for personal reasons, you can’t help but feel warm whenever you remember the memory. Ever since hearing the bards’ sing their songs for the festival, you can’t help the flutter in your heart.

• Now, Kaeya is a very adaptable man, so he quickly thinks the best way on how to confess to you. Sometimes he has to curse himself from being so successful at flirting at absolutely everyone that he knows you could pass it off as being Kaeya. So he figures out the next best thing.

• Now, unlike Diluc, he’s willing to throw away his dignity for you. He’s willing to throw anything away from you because you were already so etched deeply in Kaeya’s heart.

• He’s a fast learned like Albedo, so it wasn’t hard to learn your language and do the correct pronunciation. All that’s left is to sing it and where. He hopes he could sing it underneath your balcony but you lived near the Cat’s Tail Tavern, where the noise has been raucous in this time of year.

• So he decided on going to the safety of your home, “drunkenly” stating that he was too sloshed to go back to his duties so he wishes to stop by your home until he sobers up. It wasn't an uncommon sight to see, so you relented Kaeya in resting on your couch as you prepared some water for him to sober up. At that moment, he prepares his act. 

• With his guitar in hand, he stands up and meets you in the kitchen. With his fingers elegantly strumming against the strings, his silky voice permeated across the house. His one eye watched your own widen at the sight of the man singing. He relished it even more when he sees the recognition in your eyes when you know the song that he's singing. Each lyric has been beautifully sung and amazingly enunciated that you wondered if Kaeya was a native to your homeland. 

• Kaeya wasn't normally a sap like this. He doesn't just do this to anyone. He even wonders what's the point of this when he doesn't even know that you'll accept him for who he truly is-for what he will do when things go awry. He recounts the words of a bygone father and he feels every ounce of sin he’s committed claw his back.

• But your gentle touch sends them away. Your hands burn the sins to ashes as you told him your ‘I love you’ in your language. And he understood it perfectly.

If I reveal just how I feel I hope you won't change how you look at me Admit all secrets I keep I hope you won't change how you look at me

✧ Xiao | Ben&Ben - Kathang Isip

Pasensya ka na Sa mga kathang isip kong ito Wari'y dala lang ng pagmamahal sa iyo Ako'y gigising na Sa panaginip kong ito At sa wakas ay kusang lalayo sa iyo (lalayo sa)

• Could Xiao even sing? Guizhong may have instilled some Liyue music in his veins when he was still a baby adeptus, she may have pulled her hair out once or twice when Xiao keeps breaking the guzhengs. At least Xiao has a decent voice, so Guizhong wouldn’t strangle Xiao with a forced sweet smile on her face. After the archon war and the yakshas fall, Xiao never sang or picked up another instrument ever again.

• Not when he passed Mondstat, hearing the insufferable bard play his tune, hearing the people who’re safe from karmic binds profess their love for one another, it made him sick. But by Guizhong’s hair would he waste this opportunity to leave you alone in the Windblume Festival. Even if he has to drag you away from the crowd in fear of him lashing out. He is not apologetic to him dragging you away but he does wonder why you would rather choose to spend your time with him rather than enjoy the festivities.

• It was at the city walls, you and Xiao enjoying the almond tofu you prepared beforehand. You did most of the talking, talking about random things that you can get. Xiao would always dutifully listen because he-honestly-you’re the only mortal that wormed his way into his heart and now he wants more but afraid of the consequences. He listens to you rambling about a courting method where one person serenades the other while they were in a higher place, just like the city walls.

• Human courting rituals have been the most confusing thing to Xiao; why go through such great lengths just to confess to someone your feelings? Shouldn’t straight up saying it be better and save time for each party? Even when he says this, he can’t help but watch your eyes glimmer at the thought of someone serenading you, in a night just like this.

• He was willing to embarrass himself for you, as he planted his feet on the wall railings. “Wait here.”

• He jumps and before you could say anything, he uses his Anemo Vision to keep him afloat. On his position, he was below you by a few feet. You watched in confusion when he summoned a lyre (and you could make out a scowl on his face, as if he was cursing the instrument) and soon, he began strumming it.

• His harp skills... could do some work. Some tone-deaf bard might have bawled his eyes out if he hears him play, but he was willing to swallow that embarrassment when he gets to have his point across. He hopes that he does, laying his heart like this just for you to take apart, for you to heal, for you to do whatever you want with it. He was willing to be weak and revere to you as someone as grand as an archon. 

• Xiao wasn’t expecting you to understand but when he sees tears in your eyes and your hand covering your mouth, he immediately stopped his singing and hurried to your side. Though, he didn’t have to. You already jumped down and got caught in his arms. He felt your tears soak his skin, your incoherent babbles muffled by his shoulder but he could make out that Xiao’s feelings aren’t one-sided.

I'm sorry For this imagination of mine I guess it's just because of my love for you I will wake up now From this dream of mine And in the end I will stay away from you (stay away from)

[lazywonderlvnd]

Imagine Harry learning to play the guitar after the war and Draco finds out when they start dating and is obv a slut for it. Anyway what I'm here to beg for is sexy-guitar-player-Harry smut please and thank

first of all nonners I’m so sorry this took me lit rally 59 years to answer!!!! when I saw it in my inbox last week I was abt to answer n be like yes. this. And then realized it needed to be written and got sidetracked w the first himbo harry installment but here it is now and let me just SAY this trope is my new FAVORITE thing in the world oh my goddddd when I tell u the way I’ve been yelling to glows and cielia abt it 👁👄👁

highly recommend listening to wonderwall when it comes up to Complete the Experience. hope u enjoy ❤️

“I’m sorry, he what?”

“Yeah, he’s really good,” said Weasley. He nodded towards the acoustic guitar hanging on the wall; Draco had taken notice of it the first time he’d seen Harry’s flat but never paid it much mind after that, taking it for decoration, or perhaps an unused gift. “He’ll play if you ask him. He doesn’t like showing off.”

“Which is silly,” Granger said, rolling her eyes. “I’ve told him, just because he’s good at it doesn’t make it showing off. I wish he’d play for people more often.”

“He has literally never mentioned this to me.” He felt utterly stunned and completely cheated. He tried to picture it and couldn’t. “How long’s he been playing?”

“Picked it up after the war. It was kind of funny, actually  --” Weasley started saying, but Harry came back into the room -- still pulling his shirt on -- and he broke off, giving Draco a significant look that told him to bring it up.

“Harry,” said Draco imperiously, to which he received two raised eyebrows as Harry fell into his favourite armchair and pushed a hand through his still-damp curls. Draco matched his expression and glanced at the guitar. Harry followed his gaze, looking genuinely confused.

“What, what is it?”

“When were you going to tell me you play?”

“What, guitar?”

“Yes, guitar.”

He shrugged and grabbed for one of the beers on the table, wandlessly magicking the cap off. “I dunno. When it came up, I guess.”

“The way your friends tell it you’re quite good.”

Harry gave Weasley and then Granger a sour look; both of them gave it right back to him, which was, admittedly, amusing.

“I can play all right,” he said vaguely, and took a swig of his drink. It did make some sort of sense, now Draco thought about it -- the tips of Harry’s fingers were far, far too calloused to have been just from casual Quidditch and Auror training. 

“You know, Harry, it actually comes off as more pretentious when you act like this,” said Granger. Weasley snorted. Harry glared at her. “Just play for him, won’t you? And us too -- it’s been ages.”

“Yeah, what’s that Muggle song you play sometimes that I like?” said Weasley.

“I dunno, I’ve played a lot of Muggle songs.”

“He means Wonderwall, Harry,” said Granger, grinning. Harry finally smiled too, and although their little Muggle joke was lost on Weasley and himself he was glad to see that it had apparently been the prodding Harry needed to give in. He set his beer back down and went to get the guitar; something about the way he threw the thin and fraying strap over his head, the way his hands went effortlessly to their places, was unexpectedly attractive. The left one curled easily around the neck of the instrument, heavily-roughened fingers finding their odd positions on the strings, something Draco had always thought looked very painful.

He plucked a few chords and then began fiddling with the knobs at the head of the guitar, tuning it in what was clearly the Muggle fashion, which against his will left Draco completely fascinated. Having no musical inclination himself, he could make nothing of the process except that Harry apparently heard the discordant notes in there well enough to be able to fix them, and finally when he brought his thumb down across all six strings it sounded as sweet and clear as if it had been done by magic.

“Course he likes Wonderwall,” Harry said to Granger even as he began playing, fingers shifting and moving and contorting to create the notes while he strummed softly, effortlessly, and the music crawled over Draco’s skin and inside of him. “I remember Dudley listening to it, like, what … summer before sixth year? On the radio constantly.”

“Sounds about right,” said Granger. 

 Draco had stopped paying attention to what they were saying, though. Either because the music itself had something haunting about its melody or because it was Harry playing it, or perhaps a combination of both, Draco felt a pit of emotion form in his chest to round off the edges of his growing arousal.

And then he started singing, and Draco swallowed very hard. Granger dropped a head onto Weasley’s shoulder and watched with a tender expression, Weasley similarly enamored. Harry had his eyes on his hands for the most part, closing them a few times throughout, looking as comfortable now as he did on a broomstick.

Only three months of official dating had not prepared Draco for the flood of emotions he now felt, yet the most pressing matter had become the semi trapped uncomfortably in his trousers. He wanted those talented fingers in his mouth, to feel the callouses on his tongue and taste Harry on them; he wanted to feel them on the sensitive skin of his inner thighs and hip bones, to have them buried so deeply in his arse that he forgot where he ended and Harry began. 

Of course, he had to keep this to himself for the next hour, until he was able to get Granger and Weasley out of the flat. And once he did, he didn’t bother dragging Harry to his bedroom -- Draco pushed him up against the front door that had just closed behind his friends and hauled him into a kiss that he felt Harry grinning into.

“I thought you seemed tetchy,” he muttered, hands dropping to Draco’s hips. “Oasis really does it for you, huh?”

“What the hell is oasis?”

“The band who does the song.”

“Yeah, I don’t think it’s the band who does it for me.” He kissed Harry again, maybe a little too hungrily, and dug a fist into his side when he started laughing. “Shut up, why the hell didn’t you ever tell me you played?”

Harry pulled his head back, looking at Draco with an arched brow and an infuriating smirk. 

“What do you mean, ever? We’ve only been together three months, it didn’t come up.”

“God,” Draco muttered, and now he reached down and pressed his palm against Harry’s cock, pleased to feel how hard he was in spite of his ruthless teasing. “You’re so annoying.”

“Well if I’d known how randy it would make you I might’ve played for you a long time ago.”

Having had quite enough of Harry’s particularly sarcastic brand of wit, he ignored this last and reached for one of his hands, removing it from his own hip and bringing it to his lips. It was extremely satisfying to watch the smirk disappear from Harry’s face when he sucked one of his fingers into his mouth. 

“Bit fetish-y, isn’t this?” Harry said breathily, eyes wide as he watched, looking half amused and half awed. In retaliation, Draco took another finger into his mouth and slid his tongue between them, tasting soap and salt, feeling the callouses on the tips of his fingers and letting that sensation grip his insides like an iron fist. “Jesus Christ,” Harry groaned; his free hand went to Draco’s jaw, holding him steady, and with a truly outstanding audacity began fucking Draco’s mouth with his fingers.

They dipped bluntly past his uvula, scraping the back of his throat so he gagged around their intrusion. Saliva built with an excessive speed that had it drooling out of the corners of his lips and coating Harry’s knuckles. Draco closed his eyes and let it happen, opening his throat against the relentless assault and curling his hands in Harry’s shirt just to steady himself. 

They were gone too soon and Harry’s mouth replaced them, much gentler but still with a tangible sense of urgency about it.

When he broke away, he said against Draco’s lips, “Like my fingers, do you?”

Draco merely nodded, feeling their wetness against his cheek. 

“Then turn around,” said Harry, “and I’ll fuck you with them.”

Draco let out a soft, embarrassing whimper and let Harry spin them around and press him against the door, cheek-first. He undid his flies himself and Harry tugged them down his legs and off his feet, allowing Draco to spread them slightly. Harry’s fingers were there immediately, sliding slick between his cheeks and over his hole. The memory of Harry’s hands on the guitar was still so fresh, his fingers changing chords effortlessly, sacrificing them to blisters and callouses and roughened skin for the music they created, and Draco closed his eyes against a fresh wave of arousal and another pang of emotion.

“You really are incredible,” said Draco, biting back a moan as two of those dexterous fingers slipped inside of him. Harry fucked him with them slowly, carefully, seeking out his prostate and angling for it each time once he’d found it. Draco turned his face to press his forehead against the door, eyes still closed, nails scraping wood. “And I like that song.”

“It’s a good one,” Harry agreed. His hot breath caressed the back of Draco’s neck, fingers pumping, his other hand back at Draco’s waist. “I have a million more I’d love to show you.”

Draco didn’t bother trying to find his voice again: instead he pushed back against Harry’s driving fingers, everything that wasn’t the relentless stabbing against his prostate driven from his mind. His neglected cock slapped against the door with every thrust, the red and irritated head dripping pre-come against the wood. Only half conscious of the decision to do so, he wrapped his hand around it and pulled and squeezed and zeroed in on the bursts of pleasure radiating outwards from inside his body until it all spilled over and he came in great pulses, gasping for breath while Harry kept at it. 

The fingers slowed as he reached his peak and began coming down but they didn’t stop, nor was his prostate given much of a break. Harry reinforced his grip on Draco’s waist and kept pumping, a steadier rhythm that nevertheless rubbed and prodded at that little bundle, making his nerves tingle and fizzle and scream out their overstimulation.

“Harry,” he said weakly, knees buckling. “Please …”

It could have been comical the way Harry followed his movement as he slid down the door to the ground, except it wasn’t. It was infuriating, actually, and felt at once like more than he could possibly handle and exactly what he needed. His forehead and his hands went back to the wood, bracing himself as Harry, kneeling behind him, continued fucking his beautiful, merciless fingers and stimulating Draco’s overworked prostate. 

He pushed a third one in alongside the other two and Draco was shocked to feel a hot tear leak out of the corner of his eye. Harry crooked them expertly, with all the confidence and surety of someone who had done this a million times, could do it in their sleep, as if it was not the guitar strings but Draco’s body he was strumming now, an instrument fine-tuned to his own particular cadence and rhythm, which he and no one else could play quite right.

Lips parted, hot breath echoing off the door and back into his face, Draco allowed himself to be taken apart with the same ferocious intensity he’d seen Harry use on the guitar. Each stroke brought him back to full hardness, each stab against his prostate made his nerves sing a tormented chorus, drowning out the pain of the wooden floor against his bare knees. 

“Shit,” Draco choked out, “I’m gonna come again …”

“Well that’s the idea,” said Harry. His voice was full of that same witty and well-meaning sarcasm Draco liked so much, even when it made him feel like punching him. Snatches of the song came back to him, Harry’s voice when he sang it, the expert shifting of his fingers where they pressed and plucked at the strings like he was making love to them. It was all so very much. 

He came a second time without even bothering to touch his cock, because he just didn’t fucking need it. His body thrummed and vibrated like a snapped rubber band while Harry coaxed him along his high and back down again. When he finally pulled his fingers out he leant forward over Draco’s back and kissed the side of his neck, then the corner of his jaw. 

“You know you make much lovelier sounds than the guitar, just so we’re clear,” he said, and Draco, with what strength he had left, shoved Harry and watched him fall sideways laughing. 

[mercy-burning]

Say You’ll Remember Me (Songbird Chapter 1)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader Summary: After performing at open mic night at a bar downtown, Reader meets someone that could change everything for her. Rating: 18+ Warnings: Smut (oral sex - male and female receiving, fingering, male masturbation, cockwarming, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie), Language Word Count: 7.1k

SERIES MASTERLIST SERIES PLAYLIST (new songs added with the release of each chapter)

***

Love never came easy to me. Truth be told, a lot of things never came easy to me, and I was okay with that, but love was probably the one thing I wish I could just let myself feel with no problem.

For as long as I could remember, I've wanted to be in love with someone as much as I'd seen my parents love each other. My older sister got a boyfriend when she was 17 and I was 11, and they've been together ever since. They're married with two children now, and just as in love now as they'd been when they met.

I've never seen anyone love the way I've seen my family love, but for some reason I was never able to give as much as them. I mean, I felt love obviously, but it was never that all-consuming, life-changing love that was supposed to make your head spin and your soul ache.

Maybe I just never found the right person, but every relationship I've ever been in ended because of my inability to give out as much love as I was given. And that's not to say that I didn't care about the people I've dated, they were all really great people in fact... But I could never fully be in it, you know? Some people give their all to another person, would do anything and everything for them if it meant they got to spend the rest of their lives together, but I never felt that. Sure, I could have settled in any of my relationships, but if I was going to actually spend my time building a life with another person, I was going to really feel like I needed it to survive. Or, like I deserved it, if I was going to go that far.

For the past few years I've pretty much given up on relationships. I've been on a few dates, had a few hookups here and there, but at this point I was almost certain that love wouldn't find me any time soon.

However, the one thing that filled that love-shaped void in my soul was music. Words, melodies, stories... It all made me feel the way I was convinced love was supposed to make you feel. Even if I never wrote songs about my (positive) experiences with love, I loved love songs, and most music in general. That was the one thing I was sure of. Music was the one and only love I knew I could count on. It kept me safe, it ensured that I wasn't alone, and it hugged me in a way where I've never felt more at home.

Which would explain why I was here on a Friday night, singing in front of an entire crowded bar. Performing and sharing my music with people was the best way I knew how to outwardly show... well, anything about myself, really. I didn't go to open mic nights often, but when I did it felt better than anything in the world.

Tonight was... different, though. Not in a bad way, of course, but there was something in the air that made me feel like something great was going to happen.

It was the same feeling I got whenever I knew I was about to get laid.

Now, say what you want about it, about me, but even if I sucked at finding love I sure knew how to have one-night stands. I loved sex. It was another way I was able to get that happy rush of feelings while being with another person without actually having to be in love with them. Truly, sex was the perfect outlet for me, and my music was a great tool that helped me get it. Not that I needed help—if I wanted sex bad enough I could easily look for it—but the fact that I could play several instruments and sing well definitely made things easier.

And tonight I wanted it bad.

I hadn't realized it until I tried to figure out what song to sing for open mic night, and in turn came to the conclusion that I hadn't had sex with another human being in about a month. Which wasn't a bad thing by any means, but it didn't change the fact that I wanted someone else to help me out in chasing that high this time.

So I opted to go with a cover of a song I knew would do the job no matter what. I brought my electric guitar with me and mirrored the Wildest Dreams performance that Taylor Swift did from the GRAMMY Museum. The song itself was sexy and sweet, but with the electric guitar and the electric guitar only, it made for less sweet and more sexy. I'd always loved that performance from the second I saw it, so as soon as I was able, I bought an electric guitar and taught myself to play it. It was a hit every time I performed it.

I was wearing a maroon, long sleeved turtle-neck crop top that exposed my belly-button ring (which was sparkling silver and caught the light in the bar beautifully, if I were to say so myself), a pair of tight jeans, and black glittery heels that I only ever pulled out when I was feeling brave. My hair was half-up and half-down, leaving a good amount of my face exposed which donned silver eyeliner, sheer lip gloss, and my eyebrow ring. Paired all together with my black and white guitar and shiny nail polish that matched the deep maroon of my shirt, I felt hot as hell. Better than I'd felt in a while if I was being honest.

It felt even better when I was performing. I was confident in my abilities as a musician, to which I considered myself fortunate. If only I could have been that confident in other departments, I feel like I would have been dead-set for life.

But tonight I didn't want to think about that.

I played the song just as well as I had every other time. Probably even better, if only for the fact that I was working to get myself a lay. But whatever the scenario, I was feeling good and that's all I'd ever wanted to accomplish.

I saw him immediately after I sang the last note and the final chord of my guitar faded out into the applause.

He's just... where my eyes decided to wander, I guess. I don't know exactly what it was, but I was thankful for it, even though I almost forgot to breathe with the way he looked back at me. I couldn't tell what color his eyes were because of how far away he was, but I'd have bet on my life that they were some shade of brown. He bit his lip rather nervously when he noticed me staring at him, unable to tear my eyes way, but nevertheless he kept his gaze trained on me. It was so strong I could have sworn they burned holes into my soul.

Or, more likely, my libido.

Either way, I knew it then, when I packed up my guitar and walked through the crowd to find him, that I wasn't going home alone for the first night in weeks.

That was a good feeling.

So good, in fact, that I allowed myself to be a little more vulnerable than normal. It wasn't anything huge, but it also wasn't like me at all.

While generally, guys are more notorious to be the ones kicking out the women after a one-night stand, I always found it the opposite. I hated waking up in the morning and having to kick some dude out of my apartment. They always put up some sort of fight when it came time to leave, and I didn't get why. All the women I've hooked up with were easier to communicate with on that front, so I didn't mind as much, but still made it a point to be the one coming and going no matter who I slept with.

There was something different about this guy, though. Again, my sex drive was probably getting the better of me, so it maybe wasn't the best idea to let him come to my apartment, but I truly believe that a part of me wanted this man to see where I lived. I... don't know what it was, or why it happened, but it felt exciting. It felt new. It sparked some newfound adventure in me that I didn't really know I craved until I had it.

That being said, I could almost tell immediately within minutes of talking to him that he was going to be a hard one to get to leave. But the thing is...

I didn't mind that.

Something deep inside me wanted to feel what it was like to wrap this man around my finger, to have him so invested in me that he didn't want to leave me, and it was a weird feeling. I didn't know what to do with it, exactly, other than test the waters and see what was going to come of it.

He was about to tell me his name. That's when I started to realize it was a bad idea, and I was already in a vulnerable position. So I held my hand out to his face, pressing my pointer finger to his lips and seductively licking my own.

"No names. Is that okay?"

Something in those brown eyes (I was right) practically begged me to let him say his name, and a part of me wanted to know what it was just so I could scream it. But I knew that if I knew his name, I was ultimately going to be in trouble.

Like I said, there was something different about him. I didn't know what it was, and I didn't want to know because if I did, then I was going to be even deeper in uncharted territory. Besides, if anything the mystery of having no names would make this even sexier. Right?

Reluctantly he nodded, and I slid my finger down his lips and under his chin, then over his throat. I saw the goosebumps form on his skin as I went lower, lightly over the navy blue sweater he was wearing and stopping at his lower stomach. I grabbed one of his belt loops and pulled him close to me, smiling softly as his eyes never stopped searching mine.

"You ready to show me a good time, Pretty Boy?"

He exhaled at the nickname , but I couldn't tell if it was from nerves or what... Either way, he said, "Yes," and I twisted his belt loop tighter with a wink.

***

She was the most captivating woman I think I'd ever seen.

She commanded every room she was in, made everyone pay attention to her, and even if she couldn't sing or play the guitar the effect would have been the same. Granted, I only ever saw her in the bar. So, technically only one room.

But it was about to be two.

I didn't even want to be in the bar, and I was going to leave since Derek, Emily, and Penelope ditched me for their own endeavors, but at the very last second a voice in the speakers cut through the radio-generated music announced that someone would be performing, officially kicking off open mic night.

It wasn't that that stopped me. But it was her name.

Y/N.

I had to wonder if, when she said, 'No names," she remembered or even knew that I'd already known it. Or maybe she just didn't want to know my name. Whatever that meant, it didn't deter me in any way from trying to take up any space or time that she had. After she locked eyes with me on stage, I sent out so many signals, hoping to whatever higher power was up there, if any, that she would come to me. I just... needed to know her. To see her up close.

Truthfully I don't know what made me think I had the right amount of confidence or skill to do anything other than babble incoherently or just stare in her presence, but thankfully she didn't have much of a knack for talking.

When she finally stood in front of me, I didn't know where to look. I knew ultimately that I should look at her face, but damn it if I couldn't help but look at all of her, my stomach naturally doing flips when I caught sight of her belly-button ring, and... Her hands... Good God, I couldn't stop staring at her hands. I realized once she was closer that that's mainly what I looked at while she was on stage. The way her fingers worked the guitar, making it look like it was the easiest thing in the world, it was enough to send me into a tailspin.

Truthfully I don't think there was one single flaw about her. Naturally all human beings have flaws, but as far as I could tell, from this first meeting, this woman was nothing but an angel sent from Heaven, specifically to destroy me.

My favorite part about her, though, was by far her voice. I didn't listen to much mainstream music, but if it sounded anything like that, then I wanted to hear all of it.

Forget angel... She was a siren.

Yeah. That was the perfect way to describe her.

And when she touched me...

I'm pretty sure I blacked out.

I say pretty sure, because I distinctly remember telling her, "Yes," when she'd asked me indirectly to leave with her, but everything else only came in one-second flashes. A moment where I was in her car, and more clearly a moment when she pulled me out of it and shoved me against the door after she closed it, running her glorious hands through my hair and attacking my neck with harsh, sloppy, butterfly-inducing kisses.

But I made myself remember when we were actually in the apartment, because there was no way I was going to let myself forget that moment.

So I was completely well-aware of everything around me when she unlocked the door, pulled me inside, and shoved me against another door for a second time that night. This time she kissed my lips, and I all but melted into her. Her tongue didn't waste any time slipping into my mouth, but I didn't waste any time trying to fight it. I would have given her anything she wanted, she didn't even have to ask for it.

That being said, she broke away from me, looked me dead in the eye, and asked, "Can I take your pants off?"

I nodded eagerly, choking out a breathy, "God, yes," as best as I could.

That seemed to be what she was looking for, because she all but groaned as she squatted on the floor and worked at my belt. I didn't know what to do with myself, my hands seeming to wander aimlessly before settling behind me on the door. Once she got my pants down, she looked up at me through those silver-painted eyelids and leaned forward, pressing a hot, wet kiss to my dick through my underwear.

Any other time in this sort of situation, I most likely would have felt embarrassed by whimpering the way I did, but seeing the primal lust widen her eyes as I did it completely erased any doubt I ever had. By the time she pulled my boxers down and licked a large, slow line up the underside of my dick, those doubts were completely wiped off the board, no evidence of them ever having been there.

I wanted to look at her more than anything, to memorize the way she looked wrapped around me, but my eyes wouldn't stay open. Everything I was feeling, every sensation that ran through my veins, every hot lick of her tongue as it swirled around my tip, every small stroke of her hand when she took a break to whisper filthy things to me... It all rendered me completely unable to think straight.

At one point I was almost at the breaking point, and she knew it, too, because she pulled away from me completely and stood straight, running one of her hands along the inside of my thigh as she went up. I opened my eyes to meet her, her mouth slick with a smear of her lip gloss and her saliva. She looked like she was on the brink of tears, but none of them had fallen. But the gleam in her eye, that's what stood out to me. She was so utterly consumed with burning desire that I would have done anything to satiate every need she had.

She waited a beat, studying my face and the way my lips were no doubt still smeared with her lip gloss. And then she grabbed one of my hands and brought it to cup her crotch, tilting her head to the side and practically sighing at the touch.

"Aren't you going to return the favor, Pretty Boy?"

My first instinct was to tell her I needed a second to breathe. But somehow I knew I wouldn't be breathing well regardless of what happened. I stumbled out of my shoes and pants as quickly as I could, using my hand to lightly rub along the seam of her jeans. As soon as I was free of constraints, I made a point to turn us around so she was the one with her back against the door. I helped her pull her pants off, and once they were, along with her heels, I draped one of her legs around my shoulder so the process would be easier for the both of us.

I've only ever gone down on a woman a few times, so it was safe to say I was a little nervous that I wouldn't be able to satisfy her. But even if I hadn't had much practice, I knew I was a good listener. I practically read people for a living, and I knew how to read behavior and body language. So I knew that that would be my strong suit here.

That being said, I did have some idea of where to start. So I looked up at her while I brought my tongue out to her panties, lightly dragging the tip of it along the seam that met the corner of  her thigh. On my way to the other side I pressed the lightest of kisses to where her clit would be through the fabric, and then repeated the process a few times, feeling her squirm beneath me. Once I could tell she was getting close to frustrated, I made it a point to drag my tongue upwards in a long swipe until I reached her clit. I kissed it again before using one of my fingers to come up and slide under the fabric, though not pushing it entirely aside.

She sighed out as my finger ran along the very tops of her lips. When I pushed it in just the slightest, gathering her wetness as my tongue still gently worked at her clit through her panties, I took the moment to look up at her.

If she wasn't already the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, and in that moment she was even more perfect, her lip bit and her eyes on the verge of fluttering closed, I could only imagine what she would look like when I was inside of her.

I almost collapsed thinking about it, but went back to my task quickly, knowing that if I stopped thinking for once in my life then I wouldn't have to imagine it, and I could experience it instead.

So I finally pulled her panties aside and used the tip of my tongue again to taste her, just as lightly as I'd done it before. Only rather than fabric I was met with the smooth, slick taste of her pussy. I think I could actually hear her tremble under me as I flicked my tongue over her clit a few times, though everything I was feeling in that moment was so strong that it was more likely that I was losing every ability to think straight.

As time progressed I deepened my every movement, bringing my tongue deeper and harder through her gradually until the point where I was practically eating her out like a man starved. You could argue that I was starved for her in every sense of the word, but that moment wasn't about me. I was focused solely on making her feel good, paying attention to how tightly she gripped my hair when I briefly sucked on her clit, or the way she bucked her hips forward whenever I pushed my tongue inside of her as far as I could will it.

She seemed to like it best, though, when my fingers pumped slowly in and out of her in tandem with each swirl of my tongue around her clit. I took my time, savoring every second I could as my eyes stayed shut. I could barely keep them open.

When I finally did look up her, that seemed to finally be the thing that pushed her over the edge. Well, started to, anyway.

"Wait," she breathed, and for a second I thought maybe I'd done something wrong. I pulled away from her and raised an eyebrow, and all she did was look down at me, her eyes just as lust blown as they'd been before, if not even more. "I want you to edge me, can you do that? Just... keep bringing me there, but don't give me what I want. Not until I tell you to."

"Anything," I told her truthfully, keeping my eyes locked with hers as I brought my tongue to her once more. She shuddered under my touch as I worked at her clit again, quickly flicking over it as my fingers came up to hold her hips. It wasn't long before I brought her to the edge for the second time that night, and this time when I pulled away, I leaned my head into her thigh, pressing soft kisses to the inside. She was so focused on watching my face that she must not have noticed my fingers coming to slide into her again. She fluttered her eyes closed and leaned her head against the door with a soft thud as I fingered her, quickly picking up the pace as my tongue came out to lick at her thigh before I bit into it softly.

"Fuck, you're so fucking good with your hands," she managed to say through a moan.

I laughed a little, glancing over at her hands briefly and just letting the words fly from my mouth. "You're one to talk. The way you played that guitar? The way you touch me? Good God..."

She hummed hungrily, opening her eyes and pulling me up by my hair to pull me away from her. Her leg dropped from my shoulder and I stood up to meet her, towering over her by a good four to five inches.

For a moment we just stood there and stared at each other, both pants-less and desperate for each other but unwilling to do anything about it.

Until she pulled at my hair, craning my head to the side so she had access to my neck before running one of her hands down the side of my face, neck, and finding purchase gripping my shoulder. Her nails lightly scratched at my skin, sending a mess of goosebumps down my whole body, right before she took the other one and grabbed my bare ass.

"Baby, I've barely even touched you, yet."

I don't know what it was that made me so bold, but I smirked as both of her hands squeezed, causing her fingernails to leave indents into the skin on my right shoulder and my left ass cheek. "Touch me, then."

She was more than happy to oblige. Within seconds, both of her hands were slipping up my sweater and roaming my back and stomach as she leaned up and kissed me again. I met her lips happily, allowing her all the access she wanted to my tongue. At this point I was growing restless, wanting more than anything in the world to have her push me onto the bed, or the couch, or even the floor, and do to me whatever she saw fit.

My desperation must have broke the surface somehow, manifested in a way I hadn't noticed, because she laughed against my mouth, pushing me away and ripping off her shirt in one fluid motion. Which left her in only a grey bra that matched her panties.

"Take off your shirt," she said.

I didn't hesitate, doing as I was told and tossing it on the floor with our other clothes.

"Go sit on the couch."

I went there as quickly as I could, only feeling slightly embarrassed being the only one completely naked. But almost as soon as I sat down on her couch—truthfully one of the most comfortable ones I'd ever been on—she'd come up behind me and started massaging my scalp. I closed my eyes at the way it almost lolled me to sleep. If she did that any longer, I'm sure I would have.

Eventually, though, she slid her fingers down my neck and over my shoulders, resting them finally on my bare chest and drawing circles. She brought her lips down to my right ear and grazed it with her teeth before whispering, "Touch yourself for me? Go slow."

I didn't have to be told twice. As I'd quickly learned, I was pretty sure this woman could have done anything she wanted to me and I wouldn't have rejected her.

My hand firmly gripped my dick and went slow, just like she'd asked. With every long, meaningful stroke, she mirrored it with a swipe of her tongue along my neck. Her hands remained at my chest, reaching down to circle my nipples in very light, goosebump-inducing motions.

"Faster," she told me, and I listened. Each stroke of my hand was met with even faster, sloppier kisses along my neck and jawline, and I could have sworn I felt her fingernails digging themselves harshly into my chest.

"Faster."

By this point I was occasionally bucking my hips forward to meet my hand, and Y/N laughed lowly against my jaw, mumbling against it. "You wanna cum, Pretty Boy?"

"Not... Not yet," I stuttered truthfully.

"Aww," she cooed, tilting my head to the side and giving me a kiss on the mouth. It was probably the sweetest kiss we shared that night. "You want to cum inside me, don't you?"

She kissed me again immediately after she said it, and I moaned into her mouth, my hand working faster. If she didn't stop me, I was going to be done for, and I knew I wouldn't be able to go again. Not for a few hours at least. And I didn't know how long she'd want me to stay, or what we would even do while we waited.

Thankfully she seemed to take some semblance of pity on me, because she brought her hands away from my body, pulling back completely and telling me to stop.

I removed my hand and practically sighed in relief. I waited for further instruction, a sound, a touch, anything... But I almost had the wind knocked out of me when she appeared in front of me, having taken off her bra and underwear. What I found shouldn't have surprised me, but somehow it did. This woman was just full of surprises.

She had nipple piercings that matched the silver color of her eyebrow ring, not sparkly like the belly-button ring, but it was the cherry on top to what I'd already found practically perfect in every way.

As she sauntered to me, I couldn't decide where to look. Much like before. So I started from the bottom and worked my way up, eventually meeting her eyes when she straddled me on the couch and took my face in her hands.

"You clean?"

"Yes," I stated clearly, not wanting any signals to get crossed. I even nodded to accentuate my point.

"Good. Me, too. And I happen to be on birth control, so..." She leaned into my ear again and ground her hips into mine, the hot wetness of her pussy slightly grazing my dick. I almost fainted right there. "You can cum inside me all you want..."

She bit down on my shoulder then, and I groaned, bringing my hands to rest at her hips.

Then she pulled back and looked me in the eye again, grabbing my dick and lifting her hips to hover above it. She sunk down completely and quickly, letting me adjust to the feeling for all of two seconds before she gripped my chin in her right hand and smiled, batting her eyelashes. "But only when I tell you. You can't cum without my permission, got it?"

I breathed out a weak, "Yes," and then she got up and sank right back down, setting a quick and steady pace right away.

Both of her hands gripped my shoulders while mine stayed planted firmly around her waist, and if they were too tight she didn't say. In fact, by the look on her face I judged she probably enjoyed how tightly I was gripping her. So I decided to test it out. And sure enough, every time I let up my grip on her waist she would clench around me and move a little faster, making my grip tighten, and then she hummed, digging her nails into my shoulders.

Every high moan and whimper she let out as she rode me was just as melodic and beautiful as her voice when she sang. Added to the way she moved and the way she worked her hands, she was a rhythm all her own, constantly creating some sort of song, some piece of art that begged to be heard, to be felt in the deepest part of any soul that would embrace it...

I wanted it to last forever. I wanted to drown in her song forever.

Maybe that was a little dramatic. I mean, I only just met this woman under two hours ago at least (I wasn't sure how much time had passed truthfully), didn't know a single thing about her other than her first name, her musical ability, and her body. And all she knew about me was... well, my body.

Regardless, I was determined to make this last as long as I could, so I let go of her hips and brought my fingers to comb lightly through her hair, bringing her head up from the crook of my neck to meet mine, our foreheads touched together.

As if she knew what I was thinking, she slowed her hips, and then pressed her lips to mine gently. I'm pretty sure I felt my heart melt.

"What's wrong? Not gonna last much longer?"

I couldn't tell if it was a taunt or a genuine question. Either way, I shook my head and cradled her face. "I don't think so... But I want this to last."

"Hmm," she contemplated, but not for long, because seconds later she stopped moving her hips altogether and stayed sitting on my dick. She leaned back a little, bringing her hands to rest on her thighs as she took me in. "Well, then I guess I'll have to get creative."

I genuinely had no clue what she was about to do, but when she moved one of her hands to her breast and pinched at her nipple, I didn't care one way or the other. I was curious, sure, but ultimately I knew I would welcome whatever she did.

"I noticed you've been eyeing my piercings all night," she said sweetly, continuing to play with her nipples. She bit her lip softly before grinding down onto me and making me suck in a breath. "But I have to say, these two are my favorites... Aren't they pretty?"

"Fuck, they're beautiful," I breathed, splaying my hands over her stomach. "You're beautiful..."

"Aww,” she drawled. “Thanks."

Then she promptly removed her hands from herself, grabbed my wrists, and brought them to her breasts. My hands instinctively squeezed, feeling the contrast of soft skin and cold metal in my palms. I licked my lips before flicking my eyes up to meet hers. "Can I?"

"You can do whatever you want, baby," she purred, grinding her hips once more. A groan ripped from my throat before I leaned forward and brought her right nipple into my mouth, immediately swirling my tongue around the metal of her piercing. I think she might have groaned also, but I was so caught up in the way she grinded onto me and the feel of her skin on my tongue that I couldn't tell you for sure.

I kissed across her chest until I reached her other nipple, and gave it the same careful attention. Meanwhile I suddenly felt her hand slip down between our bodies so she could touch her clit. I brought my head up and peppered kisses up her neck.

"Let me help," I whispered against her skin, bringing one of my hands to replace hers.

She grabbed my wrist before I could get there. "No, keep doing what you're doing. Please..."

And that was that. I moved my mouth back down her neck, down the slope of her breast, and went back to flicking and swirling my tongue over her nipples. Eventually I took one and just slightly tugged at it with my teeth, causing her to buck her hips forward and send a shockwave of energy through me. At that point I was pretty sure I was almost feral with need, not caring how long it took anymore.

So right after she brought herself to orgasm, the movements on her clit slowing to a stop, I shifted our weight and pinned her to the couch so that her back was arched off the armrest. With an amused laugh, she wrapped her legs around my waist as I held one of my hands to the back of her head, the other on her waist, and pushed into her with one, long, fluid thrust forward.

I didn't waste any time with adjustments. I didn't care that my knee was only slightly hurting at the angle it was placed in. The only thing I cared about right then was fucking this woman so good she'd have to remember me. Which wasn't like me at all, but I didn't care.

So that's what I did. My hips set a ruthless, quick pace that had her sliding back until she was almost off the couch, the only thing keeping her anchored being my arm cradling her neck and head and her legs wrapping around my waist. Her heels dug brutally into my lower back, and if I had to guess, they were probably going to leave bruises. Not to mention her hands were clawing desperately at my shoulders to hold on, grabbing any skin she could as I pounded her into the arm of the couch.

I tried to keep my head up, but I was falling into oblivion. And I think she knew it, too, because she used her hands to keep me upwards, even doing so much as looking down between our bodies as best as she could to see me drilling my hips forward. The sight seemed to send her into a tailspin, because she bit her lip and groaned out.

"Fuuuuck, baby, just like that, don't stop, don't stopdon'tstopdon'tst—"

She came hard and fast, trying her best to keep her eyes open, right before looking up at my face. She clenched around me, and I knew I was done for. Any second now and I would finish. Just before it happened, she slid her hands up my neck, brushed the hair from my face, and brought me down to kiss her.

I moaned in her mouth as I came, keeping my hips pressed flush to hers and holding myself deep inside her. She moaned right back, swiping her tongue against mine as she squeezed her whole body around me and pulled me impossibly closer to her. In that moment, I didn't feel like it was just an orgasm... Which might sound cheesy and kind of stupid in retrospect, but it really felt that way. Right then, with her whole body holding mine and daring itself not to let go, it felt like every sense I had was stripped away and all that was left of me was her. As good as it felt to cum, it felt even better just being wrapped up in her in every capacity.

And that was why—even after we were finished and exhausted—we stayed just like that, wrapped up together on the couch with our lips moving lazily together until I felt myself start to drift off.

At that point, she'd somehow managed to pull me off of her and lean me back into the position I'd been in before, and my eyes struggled to stay open.

"I'm gonna go clean up," I thought I heard her say, and I wondered how she had the energy and stamina to stand up and walk around. But then again, I was so exhausted that I wasn't sure if anything that happened after we came down from our highs was even a coherent experience.

That being said, I managed to mutter an "Okay," while she disappeared and I tried to catch my breath. It only took about a minute before I realized that I was alone, and that she'd left to clean up the mess that I made. That seemed to snap me out of it, though not by much; I was still a little light-headed when I got up from the couch and started to collect my clothes from the floor.

I almost had my pants all the way on when I heard her voice from behind me.

"You don't have to leave... if you don't want."

I turned to face her, noticing that she was wearing a large nightshirt and probably nothing else. Even after she'd just gotten obliterated on the couch she still managed to look like the most angelic thing I'd ever seen. Or maybe I hadn't actually done as well as I thought, and she was the one who'd obliterated me... Either way, I felt bad for staying, especially knowing that she didn't even want to know my name.

So I shrugged, stifling a yawn. "No, it's fine, I... I should go. I don't want to intrude or anything, I—"

"Oh, please," she scoffed, walking up to me and placing a soft hand on my forearm. "As far as intrusion goes, I think we're way past apologies, don't you think?"

I smiled at that, admittedly leaning into her touch as her hand drifted up and to my cheek. "Okay. But only if you let me sleep on the couch."

"Don't be silly. You just fucked me on said couch, it's okay if you sleep in my bed with me."

I only shook my head, placing my hand on top of hers. "You didn't even want to know my name, which tells me that you probably aren't the type of woman to let men sleep in your bed with you after sex. Which is fine, don't get me wrong, but... I don't want to make you uncomfortable. And, I... I feel bad enough, I didn't help you clean up, I should have—"

"I'm gonna stop you right there," she said, removing her hand from my cheek and placing it on my bare chest instead. "That right there is why I don't mind if you sleep in my bed. Plus, it's late, you don't have a ride, and I can tell you're sleepy because you've been nodding off as we've been standing here. You can barely stand straight."

I didn't know what to say. Probably because she was right and I was nodding off right now.

She spoke again. "At least stay and rest for a few hours before you leave. And if it'll convince you to stay... You can have the couch."

I smiled lazily, leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek. "I'll be gone before you wake up."

"Well... In that case, can... Can I kiss you one more time?"

"You can do anything you want to me," I told her truthfully, and not even a second passed before she pressed her lips to mine.

Despite everything we'd just done and the fact that I was almost asleep, it was the hottest kiss we shared that night. I was sure of it. It was lazy and wet, and so filled with the aftermath of all that we'd experienced together that I almost fell to my knees, and not because I was tired. Her tongue grazed mine in the most purposeful way I'd ever felt in a kiss my entire life. The way she held me to her, her hands weaved in my hair and mine pressed firmly to the small of her back, had me tingling from head to toe.

To this day, it's still the best kiss I've ever had.

I swore to myself I would never forget that kiss, and I never have. I couldn't have, even if I tried.

When she pulled away, I almost chased her, but I let her go, opening my eyes to stare deeply into hers. She didn't move for the longest time before clearing her throat and taking a small step back.

"Goodnight," she whispered softly. She looked almost as dazed as I felt.

"Goodnight," I whispered back as she turned around and padded into the darkness.

***

As I stood at her kitchen counter four hours later, a pen in hand and hovering over the back of a receipt she'd had crumpled on it, I tried to think of what to write, even though I knew it probably didn't matter to her one way or another if I said anything at all...

At the very least I wanted her to know just how much that night meant to me, even if she didn't feel the same way. Even if she didn't want to remember my name, I needed her to at least remember my face, remember what we did... Remember me...

I recalled the song she sang. And then I wrote it down.

I had the best night, thank you. Say you'll remember me... —S.

***

"Nothing lasts forever But this is gonna take me down."

—Taylor Swift, Wildest Dreams

***

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