#activity will be extremely spotty now that work is starting in a couple days time

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 4.5 // Part 5 // Part 6 //

Happy 2023 i hope i can finish this series sometime this year HAHAHAHA

[storiesofwildfire]

So, this past weekend has been very difficult for me. I mentioned a few weeks ago that one of my cats was sick and it was the source of a lot of my stress. Unfortunately, earlier this morning, she passed away, and it’s been... extremely difficult on me and my family.

This has been really devastating and I’ve cried a lot. While I’m processing this, I may be very spotty on here. If I have muse and energy to write, I will try to be on, but I don’t want to force myself when something like this is really hurting my heart. For this same reason, my ooc communication may be slow as well. I’m not ignoring you, I promise, I’m just grieving, and some days may be harder for me than others.

I’m going to post some pictures and some details about Pooter below a read more. Please be aware that there are sensitive details below the cut and if you cannot handle the topic, tread with caution, but I owe it to my baby to express just how much I love her and just how much I’m going to miss her.

Thank you all for your continued patience. I know the last several months ( or more ) have been really hard on me, so my activity here has been hit or miss, but I am so thankful to all of you lovely people who stick around and let me do things on my own time.

Last Friday ( Feb 28th ), I found out that my eldest cat, Pooter, was dying of severe kidney disease. She’d been sick for a little over a month with what appeared to be an upper respiratory infection. We took her into the vet a couple of times, tried a few antibiotics, and while she did kind of go in an upward swing a couple of times, she never actually seemed to get better. It was because her kidneys were shutting down and failing, so she wasn’t able to filter toxins out of her body and ultimately, her immune system shut down, so she couldn’t get better.

This news was... absolutely devastating.

Ever since I got Pooter, we’ve had a very special bond. She took to me right away, grew distressed when I wasn’t around, and always seemed to favor me over anyone else. People told me I was Her Person and she was very much My Cat in every sense of the word. While I’ve had and lost other pets in the past, and I loved all of them greatly, Pooter was always different. I had such a strong bond with her that the idea of not having her in my life was hard to wrap my mind around.

She’s been there for me for many, many years. Most of my teenage years and all of my adult years. She witnessed every high and every low crash and she had an uncanny ability to know exactly when I needed her. Even when we found out how bad her condition truly was, she tried so hard to be strong for me. She was so tired and weak from being sick and from not eating unless being forced to eat, but she dragged herself up onto my bed, sat beside me, and started kneading like she always did whenever she was happy and content.

I like to think she was trying to tell me that she was happy... That I had done everything I possibly could have for her, and that things were going to be okay. She would always be with me because I would carry her with me forever.

But that doesn’t make the loss any easier. I love her so much and she has been such a strong companion, not only for me, but for my dad, and even my roommates that she pretended not to like. Whenever the going got rough, she was always there, like this presence that couldn’t be faltered or wavered.

She passed away this morning ( March 2nd ). We had an appointment to put her down tomorrow because neither my dad nor myself, could bear to watch her suffer or wither away. She didn’t make it to the appointment. My dad knocked on my door a little past 7am and told me that she just passed away. It was very peaceful. He sat on the couch to pet her before work and while he was petting her, she just... stopped breathing. She was with someone who loved her in the comfort of her own home and that just felt better than having someone who didn’t really know her well put her to sleep. I spent most of the night with her, holding her, petting her, and telling her how much I loved her. It was almost like she just... knew, but she wanted to wait for my dad to wake up so she could see him one last time too.

It’s kind of surreal right now. My mind is having a really hard processing that she’s actually gone. I am relieved that she isn’t hurting and that her ailment wasn’t long and drawn out, but I miss her so damned much already. She was always so strong for me and always such a constant presence in my life, she never let anyone overlook her. I relied on her to cheer me up more than I ever realized, and I gave her the very best life I possibly could have.

I will miss her every day, I’m sure. Pooter was my cat, my best friend, my companion, my comfort, and a source of light when things seemed really dark. I was her human, her person, the one person in her entire life that she never seemed to get tired of. I’ve never known a bond like that and even now that she’s no longer physically here with me, I still feel that bond as strong as ever.

I love you, Pooter. I told you that many times throughout your life. I told you that multiple times a day, no doubt, but it would never be enough. I spent the last few days telling you how much I love you, how much I’m going to miss you, and how thankful that I am for having you in my life. You helped me through so much just by laying on my shoulder and purring. You never let me be sad for long, and honestly, I’m not quite sure how I’m going to adjust to life without you, but please know, my life was better because of you. Thank you for everything and rest well. My heart will be with you always and you will always be in mine.

With all my love, Your Human

[mentalhealthinpractice]

“Because you are fat”

N.B. I have tried to be extremely honest about my experiences in regards to mental health and my relationship with food in this post but I am aware that if you have had eating issues or are struggling with your own mental health and body image some of the content may be triggering.

The first time I remember becoming aware of my weight and body image was when, aged 10, I questioned why everyone else got to do different activities during P.E. and my friend and I had to run laps of Wandsworth Common. She said “It’s because you are fat”. I remember the shock that flooded me and the hurt that ensued. Already at this stage the word ‘fat’ was something extremely loaded and I knew I absolutely did not want to be seen as this. Many of my friends were developing much more quickly than me at this stage and there was me flat chested with braces, spotty, oily skin and yes, some additional puppy fat. 

The following year I started Secondary school at a girls private school and I really struggled to make friends, feeling so different to other children in my year group. I had never had an issue making friends before and it was a harsh reality to learn that not everyone likes me. I remember thinking that I was much uglier than other people in my class and that maybe this was part of the problem. Eventually I was adopted into a group of girls, one of whom was extremely self-conscious and who would regularly compare different body parts with me and ask the other two whose legs/nose/arms etc were the best. I often lost this game and began to notice and focus in on minor ‘faults’ I felt I had. 

About a year or two later I remember hearing about a couple of girls in my year who were throwing up in the toilets to lose weight and I thought maybe this could help me get skinner. A friend explained how she did this. I remember kneeling over the toilet, fingers down my throat, trying desperately to encourage my gag reflex to expel the contents of my stomach. About a spoonful of vomit came out and my eyes began to water. I tried again with no further ‘luck’. I tried on a couple of other occasions before deciding this method of weight loss was not going to work for me. I also read somewhere that Bulimia could cause infertility and that panicked me as even at this point in my life I knew I wanted children. I therefore decided that not eating might be more effective (without considering how this could also lead to my periods stopping). 

I became obsessed with how I looked. I began to wear make up, rushing to the toilet in between classes to put more coverup and eyeliner on. I actually wore so much but I think because I was considered a ‘good student’ and achieved academically, teachers turned a blind eye to my appearance. By year 10 I started giving other people my lunch on several days because I got this for free as part of my school bursary. Instead I would buy a chocolate bar which always was emphasised as a treat in my family but I think also gave the illusion that there wasn’t a problem because why would someone with issues around food be eating chocolate?  Ultimately a chocolate bar is going to have less calories in it than most meals and it always felt like an indulgence. I still sometimes struggle now not to compensate actual food for ‘treats’ or think that because I have had a fatty or sugary snack I should skip lunch/dinner. 

School was the easiest option for me to try and reduce the amount I ate because we always ate dinner at home as a family. I did however try on occasion to spit food out, having seen this as a suggestion on pro-ana websites. I had to look at the content for some of these recently for some Counselling training I was doing and I felt so incredibly sad thinking about the sheer hate someone has to feel for their bodies to use these sites. I had started self-harming and in one of my lowest moments cut the word ‘fat’ into my calf. I remember having one weekend being unable to leave my bed, feeling so incredibly low and with the knowledge and experience I have now, I realise I probably was experiencing depression but did not recognise it as this at the time.

When I think back to how I felt about myself during most of my school years the main feeling I remember is disgust. My eating was certainly disordered but I am not sure my behaviour fit the category of one specific eating disorder. The problem, I believe now, was how I saw myself as a whole entity.  I still ate enough to look healthy but I was miserable. I felt trapped, isolated and judged. I remember thinking I just had to ‘get through it’, to make it to the end of school then I would be okay. My self-perception did hugely improve by sixth form when my relationship with my parents began to strengthen and I began to share with them parts of my life. However I do feel a sense of loss for the amount of energy I gave to something that ultimately doesn’t define me. I wanted to hide all of who I was and indeed I did often hide in school toilets or music rooms, away from those who I thought would be ashamed to be associated with someone like me. I am frustrated at my inability then to notice the qualities I do have and so I am going to write some of these here.

[toasttz]

From the Tabletop #1

In recent times, I've been trying to get more into one of my favorite hobbies: tabletop games. Primarily D&D (of course), Exalted, and Shadowrun. Actually, some friends and I have been running an Exalted game for over 2 years now (since 3rd edition dropped) and I wanted to share with the world some of our fun stories and "That Guy" moments we've had forced upon us as well. Going back to the very beginning, I was, unfortunately, "That Guy" of our initial 3rd Edition Exalts. I built a strong, competent battle-ready Solar Exalt built around the Righteous Devil martial arts which, for those who may not be familiar, is essentially flamethrower-fu. Her name was Sunset Shimmer (yes, I snuck an MLP joke into an Exalted game, and only one other player at the table was in on the gag). The biggest issue with Sunset was a general lack of direction of the character. She had a backstory but no real goal to speak of and it didn't help that meatspace conditions made my attention to her spotty at best. She was an active participant, and I had freakishly lucky rolls playing her, but she was just kind of boring. I really should remake her. It really didn't help that I was the "That Guy" of a party of "That Guys". Another in the group was Hrothgar, whose defining intimacy was Ultra-Violence. But another major intimacy was about what a nice guy this bloodthirsty faux-viking was. It made about as much sense in context as it sounds here. Not helped by not really having a backstory or a goal to speak of. Ditto for Drago, affectionately nicknamed "Ivan Drago", also lacked any characterization to speak of. He was the man of 1000 backstories, because he couldn't settle on one. Once from the 100 Kingdoms, then a peninsula, then an island, then about how much of a great pirate his grandfather was. The GM eventually demanded he put up or shut up, essentially fusing together all the ideas, mostly because we never brought it up again and never actually went to his homeland in that game, but would in later ones. Whereupon we set it on fire (more on that later). The only competent Exalt of the circle was Petral. Sol Invictus knows she tried. Essentially Samurai BatMan, complete with high levels of investigation (she never used) and murdering people (that she really should've left alive), the only really meaningful connection this circle managed was that Targon and Drago's players shipped Sunset and Petral, due to a moment where a badly-drunken Petral, while worshipping the porcelain god, was comforted by a sympathetic Sunset. I'll be honest, as I was a frequent truant at these games, I can't accurately account for the flow of the game, but it did lead to moments wherein I'd find myself saying things like "But last time we agreed to murder some nobles! Why are we 200 miles away from them now?!" or declaring that a large, squid-like creature was, in fact, an aquatic horse upon botching an intelligence check. Things at least became more consistent with our second round of characters. Unfortunately, it was consistently God-awful. We had a cult leader, Zen, who barely had any idea why an Exalt would have a cult. He also didn't know what it would take to run one, having a character with zero personality to speak (I frequently confuse him with the next character here because of this), and - quite frankly - acted extremely evil at times. He had terrible conditions for his cult, food was constantly scarce (not helped by our being in Malfaes for this entire game), and draconian laws oftentimes seen in actual real-world deathcults. Calling this character "incompetent" is kind of like calling the ocean "a bit wet". The second one, Targon... ho boy. His backstory pegged him as an arena gladiator, which is fine on its face. The problems cropped up after that, whereupon he was also a successful businessman (resources 5), owned a chain restaurant which he managed himself (despite claiming to have locations all over creation!), and demanded his demonic clients pay in artifacts of all things. Now, in Malfeas, this could work, as a single-location eccentric establishment that catered to the super-rich. But this is Targon. And he ran it like a Pondarosa Steakhouse, except less competent. He would spend 20-minute long scenes (real time), in how exactly he would cook and prepare food. This established a precedent wherein we realized this player just absolutely would not accept flaws of any kind of his character - not real flaws at any rate. Just the informed "type variety" - his words. And, yes, he always attempted to sound smarter than he actually is by speaking in a roundabout and obfuscatory manner. Next was Taiga, and Taiga was a great character. She became the team mascot, punch-monkey, and little sister all in one. There was literally no one who didn't like her, in terms of player characters, because she was cheerful and cute as a button. She won big in Hell's many arenas and even won herself a few Pokemo-- err-- I mean, pet beasties. Her main concern was patrolling the mean streets of Hell, forming her own police squad - the Justice Buddies. And last, but not least, was my new character, Master of the Eternal Golden Paradise, named from the Exalted Name Generator, in case that weren't obvious. Master was a shrewd businessman (resources 3 to start), who operated as a flashy, guild liaison with some business contacts that helped him ultimately build a theme park in Hell - Super Happy Fun Land. He sort-of adopted Taiga as a little sister, and would go on to help her undermine Zen's cult leadership status, whereupon they would form "Taiga-ism", a rather loose set of morals and ethics as Master devised ways of educating the unwashed masses to make them more productive members of the work force and economy. As I recall, the greatest among these religious prohibitions was against taxadermy - as Taiga kind of thought it was gross. To really drive his themes home, Master as decked out in heavy artifact weapon and armor - his weapon (a reskinned Great Goremaul) was an abicus named "SmithLocke & Keynes" and his armor was a heavy platemail named the "God-Dragon Plate" (or GDP). Among the bizarre things this team did included: Operation Eats & Poops, an attempt to save Zen's hopeless cult by fertilizing fields. This almost got derailed due to a severe drought, but Master had two harthstones that happened to solve the problem. (This itself became an issue later on, due to fukken Zen not signing the proper paperwork while taking up space in the Endless Desert. Master would then go on to petition Cecylene for use of the space, and did so with such an amazing bureacracy roll, that he, and I'm quoting my GM here, "Made the Endless Desert moist".) Zen then begged Taiga into assisting him in getting a magic book - not even getting into his begging for magical martial arts training he ultimately bitched out of (thereby humiliating Taiga in front of her master). This was kind of like trying to explain color to a blind person, because Zen's answer to Taiga's taking him to a book store, was to casually saunter up and begin asking for what amounts to black market wares in the middle of the day. The GM, God bless him, took pity on this faux-pas and Taiga was eventually able to get said book. Not that Zen put it to any meaningful use. Apparently, the 17 year old girl understood the black market better than the man in his 30s. The team would go on to battle many times in the arena, sans Master, who was on the sidelines betting on his comrades's success (when it was Taiga) or their failure (when it was Zen and Targon). Strangely enough, Master's bets were almost always right. At one point we even battled what was essentially a battlemech. The team managed to topple it despite even man-down at the time, and Master sealed it with a linguistics charm essentially reading "DON'T TOUCH. THIS MEANS YOU, ZEN." And the sin that I shall never be forgiven for was Master's casual investment in the entertainment/security measure known as the TaigaBot. These mechanical abominations were fully able to dance, sing, answer simple questions for guests and beat the shit out of anyone who attempted anything funny, be it stealing or attempting to couple with a TaigaBot. Endless innuendos were made, of course, and that's part of the reason I shan't be forgiven for this. Master briefly considered a ZenBot or a TargonBot, but we all know where that would've ended up. Those robots would've killed themselves somehow - likely out of shame for their source material. And the last bit, something Taiga's player really should've reconsidered, was during a battle atop a giant bird-behemoth (Master was absent from this fight), Taiga's Mouse of the Sun, a rather vicious fighter named Fluff Mousington, brandished an anti-warstrider rifle and leveled it on Zen, prompting her for an answer. Taiga relented (her player, less so) and admitted that they should save Zen, causing a battle against a gigantic eagle. In retrospect, probably should've just pulled the trigger. Remember everyone: backstory, intimacies, long-term goal. Not negotiable. So, join me next time as I discuss some D&D (and how I became a half-ork pop star) and a later Exalted campaign involving slutty pirates, a reincarnating old man knight (who happens to be a teenaged girl), and three boneheads no one likes. See you there.

[madcapmoon]

Fugazi interview

by Jeff Clark, originally written for Stomp and Stammer in April of 1998

They stand alone, really. No other group that emerged from America's '80s hardcore scene that's still breathing - not Bad Brains, nor Bad Religion, nor any of a handful of other somewhat related bands, bad or no - has demonstrated the growth, commitment, and righteousness of Washington, DC's Fugazi. From the taut, grinding release of early albums and EPs like Repeater and Margin Walker, their music has steadily evolved with ever-expanding depth and complexity. A Washington Post article from 1993 stated it succinctly and perfectly: "Fugazi is the face of punk growing up." ·

Ian MacKaye turns 36 this month. He and his longtime friend Jeff Nelson started the fiercely independent Dischord Records in late 1980 to issue a single by their high school punk band Teen Idles. The band broke up; Dischord remained, and thrives to this day by issuing records from an impressive array of impassioned bands, most coming from the DC area. Jawbox, Nation of Ulysses, Dag Nasty, the Make-Up, Faith, and Shudder to Think are but of few of the groups the label has helped over the years, while at the same time offering distribution to many smaller, burgeoning DC indie labels. While Dischord began as a way to document a community, it could be argued that the label is the fuel that keeps that community burning.

Musically, MacKaye and Nelson continued on in the highly-influential hardcore band Minor Threat until 1983, and after brief alliances with Embrace and Egg Hunt, MacKaye hooked up with bassist Joe Lally, drummer Brendan Canty, and guitarist/vocalist Guy Picciotto to form Fugazi. While much is made of their strict integrity and work ethics - they don't charge more than five bucks a show, they won't sign to a major label, they won't allow stage diving, etc. - what ultimately makes Fugazi such a vital rock 'n' roll band is its intensely powerful music. With End Hits, their first release in nearly three years, they'll surely further confound close-minded punk purists - no surprise, really, since MacKaye has freely admitted to being a freak for Hendrix, the Beatles, and Cheap Trick, among other classic rockers. End Hits may not come across as immediately visceral as the band's earlier work, but the creative combustion is more than evident. Urgent, organic, explosive - it's music that's alive, and it makes the listener feel as such.

At the moment, MacKaye is at home in DC, doing administrative work for Dischord (the main office is housed across the street,) fielding constant phone interruptions, arranging a short May tour for the band (its first live dates since a ten-year-anniversary show in Washington last September,) and contemplating the future of Fugazi under some new circumstances. It's been a strange, pivotal couple of years for the band - MacKaye became extremely ill during an Australian tour at the end of '96; his chest inexplicably filled with fluid and a lung collapsed, all with no evidence of bacteria. He had to have surgery, followed by an extended recovery, knocking the band out of commission for the better part of a year - "Yeah, it was pretty bleak, to be honest with you," MacKaye understates, after describing the ordeal. Meanwhile Canty married and had a child with his wife, and Lally bought a house. Basically, punk grew up some more. But with the release of End Hits, and a comprehensive documentary film on the band currently being assembled by Jem Cohen, it looks to be one of the most exciting periods yet for one of the world's most exciting outfits. With the help of various titles from Fugazi's past and present, here are MacKaye's thoughts on matters of heart and mind:

Repeater: "I'm a working man. I wake up quite early, usually around 7:30 or eight. And I try to have some food, I do some stretching, I look at the newspaper, and then it's time [to work], and then it's dark, ha ha ha! In other words, I don't really have any sense of what my days are comprised of, because every day is very different. I sometimes struggle for routine, but there's so many details that change every day, that don't have real routines I don't pack boxes, per se, I don't order things. I have a lot of people calling me about things. I book the band, which is extremely involved. Generally speaking, I answer questions."

Long Division: "From my point of view, we started Dischord to document a particular community here in Washington. And I had no intentions at that time, nor do I have any intentions at this time, to be a rock and roll label owner. I never wanted to be in the record business, but, um, I kind of accepted a mission that made me put out records, and somewhat put me in a position where I am kind of in the record business. I kind of assumed it would be somewhat self-perpetuating, but I didn't think it would be permanently self-perpetuating. I have some dream that at some point it'll be clear that the community that I was interested in documenting will no longer really exist, and at that point I don't think the label will exist anymore."

Steady Diet: "The thing about Dischord, as a label, it's gotten bigger and bigger. We've been around for so long, primarily because of the Fugazi stuff, and also Minor Threat, and a lot more people have become kind of involved with the label as a sort of family. They work there, and there's a lot of activity, and a lot of stuff that Dischord is involved with that most people have no idea about. Particularly within distribution. We lend an awful lot of money out to a lot of local labels to help them get stuff done. I think that the label's sort of gotten bigger than itself at this point. So, when I think about stopping the label, it really means it's gonna stop an awful lot of things and people. And I have to be very, very thoughtful about it before I do something like that."

"From my point of view, we started Dischord to document a particular community here in Washington. And I had no intentions at that time, nor do I have any intentions at this time, to be a rock and roll label owner."

By You: "I think some people don't really understand the nature of 'Do It Yourself.' When you do it yourself, you have to do it. And it's a lot of work. And it's not just an issue of, you know, not participating with major labels, or whatever. It's about working. And, it's been a very strong ethic with us, with me, all along. And basically, my work has been sort of all-consuming for the last 17 or 18 years The people who are interested in our band, quite a few of those people are involved in projects, musical or literary or whatever, the kind of things that involve direct action, and interaction. So, I think that at the end of the day, though, when you do this work and you make these decisions, and you kind of cover this ground on your own, you don't have to answer for it later on. You can speak with some responsibility."

Blueprint: "From our point of view, we spend almost all of our time trying to write music which is interesting and challenging. We work very, very hard on our songs and our records. So it's a little discouraging when it's just like, 'Oh yeah, those are the guys that won't sign to a major label.' But at the same time, there are plenty of other people who, maybe they're aware of that, but they're into the band. So I think the people who can only think about us in really simplified terms, like what they perceive as our philosophy or our behavior patterns, that's just more representative of their kind of really tacit concept of the band."

Do You Like Me: "People have this really kind of, I think, bullshit rap about preaching to the converted. I don't know that I agree with that. There is incredible potential created when a band and an audience get into a room together. I mean, obviously I can have a lot of fun with people who don't like the band and wanna yell things, but it gets kind of tedious after awhile. So my sense is, as much as people use that 'preaching to the converted' thing in sort of a derogatory sense, people should re-examine the idea of that, and think about when you have complimentary forces, sometimes you can get a lot more accomplished."

Birthday Pony: "I don't know what to tell you, except that September 3rd, 1987, Fugazi played our first concert at a place called the Wilson Center, it's a church basement here in Washington, DC. And on September 3rd, 1997, Fugazi played the Wilson Center in the basement of the church. There was nothing more. There were 200 people at both shows, it was very small. But I don't think many bands have that opportunity, to play the same venue, ten years to the day, and we felt like it would be good for us. And it was. It was actually the last concert we played. We haven't played since."

Provisional: "There was a lot of discussion - 'Well, are we gonna play more, or not?' We had that really terrific ten year bookend kind of thing, but in any event, we booked some dates for May, so I think were playing. We're gonna do a week. It's a whole new thing, now. We've gotta figure out how to work with a family. We've got a baby on board. So, we're gonna start real lightly. There's a lot of other stuff going on in people's lives right now, in their personal lives, that needs to be sorted out, still. So, this is gonna be a really spotty year. I mean, I am very happy with this record, The band has been very busy, I have been working non-stop on the band. I just don't think we're gonna be able to get out and do that much touring."

End Hits: "It's such a good name. And I think when people listen to the record, if you pay close attention to it, that the title will come more in focus. I don't think it's quite as apocryphal as it sounds. We're not suggesting that the band is coming to an end."

Closed Captioned: "Jem Cohen and I went to Woodrow Wilson High School together here in Washington. He's been quite close to the band since the very beginning. He actually co-wrote the song 'Glue Man,' and he's been filming us, really, since the beginning of the band, in one form or another. And finally, in the last few years, we've been trying to kind of bring all this material together and get it into some kind of two-hour-long piece about the band We feel that as the band starts to kind of wane as far as playing live, we won't be able to tour as much, and obviously eventually we're not gonna be playing any shows at all, then people who are interested in seeing the band are gonna be reliant on video or film. We thought we'd create something that we were really comfortable with, and was aesthetically in keeping with the way we feel about the band."

Turnover: "We've all gotten older, and there's far fewer bands that I feel as passionate about. Which isn't to mean that there aren't good bands, there are plenty of great bands, it just means that they're not speaking to me in the same way. It's a much less cohesive community - however, we've managed to stick it out. We're all very close friends, and the music may not play nearly as much of a role as it did in the past, but I think at this point, even just our company is enough to get together. I think we're stuck to each other now. So, it would be inaccurate for me to say that it's the same, or it's as strong on certain levels, but I would say that we've grown up together, and the community is still intact. These are people I'll know for the rest of my life."

Burning: "I am very interested in what's going on with young bands and stuff, but I have found that as much as I like to go and check out bands, and all that, I don't feel welcome. It's a very small scene, and I'm not suggesting that I'm some big shit. I'm not. But just within this same scene, it is difficult. I feel uncomfortable going to shows, because I just think it freaks people out that I'm there. But within a certain context, it's good to know that kids who are 16-, 17-, 18-years-old, they need to do their own thing. And I don't necessarily have a place in that world. For me, it's all about trying to keep the fire burning. And to make things possible. And who knows what happens next year. When you keep moving, you stay warmed up, and I still feel warmed up."

Reclamation: "The longer we're together, the bigger our past is. One thing I've found out about music is that after you create a legacy, you have to spend time administering that legacy. Keeping your records in print and all that stuff. There's one more goddamned thing you've got to do. I wasn't lying when I said I spend most of my day answering questions. I'm answering questions about things that I have done, and that troubles me sometimes because I feel like I should be doing something."

Long Distance Runner: "I'm not sure I have a life outside of Fugazi or the label. I hope something happens that doesn't involve either one of those entities, but at the moment it's hard to say. I'll try to go take a walk now and then."

[ughthatimagineblog]

i’ll see you tomorrow, boyfriend

  draco malfoy x reader | university!au

  requested:  Hey could I get a draco x reader au from his point of view where he meets her in uni and has a crush but tries to hide it? Maybe they become friends (he goes to her dance shows and orchestra performances and such) and he falls more and more until eventually he just blurts out that he's in love?

word count: 3614

  warnings: abuse, draco being edgy, lucius malfoy, maybe ooc narcissa a lil bit (its been 5ever since i wrote anything even mentioning her)

  a/n: this is an au soooo yeah idk how this went. i liked it. i added in extra plot to make it semi spicy. also if ur sensitive to abuse then pls go away no offense but youll be triggered and i dont want ppl to get upset so i warned u

She caught him. And he was trapped.

 It was late winter. He was focused with school and everything was fairly easy. Platinum hairs like feathers ruffled in the cool wind under the hot sun and he took his time walking to his new class of the semester.    He was majoring in Business and Biological Engineering. Nothing would distract him from that. He had a goal. Make his father proud.

 Life had different plans. Of course Draco would fulfill his destiny of graduating in those majors, but not without a small distraction.  Walking into one of the core classes he had this semester he saw her. At first it was a glance. She was beautiful. He lowered his head and took his seat a few rows behind her.

 Class began not much longer and Draco could focus but hardly. He knew he shouldn’t have been distracted by some silly girl but this girl was far more than silly.    He noted she had the class with a couple of her friends and he would hear her laugh often. Sometimes she would get called out by the professor and shyly quiet down, her face turning red. It made his heart beat. He found it strangely poetic to note he had one. For so long he had disregarded emotion and feelings. Now, he had a new start.

 That ‘start’ began a year ago and life at university had grown on him. Nothing was to get in his way. He was a determined student who rarely spoke to people and when he did it was something snarky or completely neutral.  The seas of his life were calm. They were fine. You were the storm on the horizon.

The first day with you

Draco could feel the sun and cool air on his skin as he crossed campus to his English class of the semester. He wanted to sneer. The sun was nothing but a large ball of gas and flame to him today. The sun was not supposed to be out. Just another class to pass and then we move on. He thought to himself, walking into the B Block building. He saw a few kids rush into the building before him and they held the door open for him.

 He nodded a thanks, his mouth continuously in a tight line and continued to his classroom. It was fairly small. Only about twenty four students. He knew all of them from the past semester or the previous year.  Taking a seat about halfway in between the front and back, he opened up his binder and notebook, waiting patiently for class to start. Of course that meant other people were talking in that time. It was the same chatter, Draco knew. About him.

 “That’s Draco Malfoy.”

“I heard he didn’t need scholarships. His dad paid for his tuition.”    “He’s creepy. I heard he never talks.”

���Really? I heard he’s mean.”   “Probably, I mean how can you grow up with people like the Malfoy’s and not be rude.” “Malfoy? He’s a Malfoy?”

It was all the same and he had come to ignore it. It was best to go through school by himself than spend it with loads of friends. It was easier for him. If something were to disrupt that, he would be a goner. His grades would be a goner as well. His father would make him pay.

   Class started not much but five minutes later and the professor began to introduce themself. “Hello, class. I am Professor Eva Beverly and I will be your advanced English Composition and Literature class. This class will be easy if you pay attention. One should always be prepared here and if not-”  The professor was cut off by the door swinging open and a girl stumbling into the classroom. Your back was facing Draco, but he could hear you say ‘Thank you’ to an advisor in the hall. Once you turned around, his heart nearly dropped.  You were stunning and suddenly, his facial expression was one of shock instead of mysterious resentment. “Miss Y/L/N. You are late.” The professor crossed her arms. “I know Professor Beverly, I couldn’t remember which block this class was on so I had to go back to the advisors. I reality I tried to get here five minutes early and-”  “Take a seat.” “Yes, ma’am.” You had rambled. Draco, if it were anyone else, would have found it annoying. But it was you. ‘Miss Y/L/N’ If he could only learn your first name. He was in luck. Empty seats surrounded Draco and for once in his life, he thanked whoever would listen for being the kid not anyone would want to sit by. Of course anyone who had any sense that is. But this girl, Draco could see, did not as you chose the seat to his right, in the row in front of him.  To your right, a blonde girl wearing a simple flannel was laughing and Draco took it that she was this new girls friend. He recognized the blonde from the beginning of the semester. The both of you were freshman.  To his dismay, however, the blonde was also one of the girls whispering about him. He was a goner. No doubt she would tell his beautiful crush all about what a ‘creep’ he was.  As Draco dwelled on this, he couldn’t help but how much less of a creep he would be. . . with you.

Four months spent with you.

Fortunate for Draco, the girl, who’s name he learned to be Morgan, had not spoken of him to you, which gave him the chance to speak with you. It was completely out of character, but he set limits for himself. He would not allow you to distract him. Too much.  He was in for a disappointment.  In a way, Draco was aware of this. In fact, he had been thinking about it on his walk to class that day. His walk, with you. “Do you have any clue the word count Professor Beverly wants to have for our essay this Friday?” You asked Draco. He shrugged slightly. “Shouldn’t be more than two pages or about nine hundred words.” He replied and you grunted, frustrated. “I was hoping it to be more.” He looked at you, a small smirk forming at his lips.  He had learned a lot about you in the past month. Your favorite color, what music you liked. He knew of the latter by looking at your phone from his seat. When you used it in class it was to switch from Spotify to Pandora to the Music app and back and forth. You were quite indecisive with your taste and the connection in the class was spotty.

 “What, like two thousand words?” Draco inquired. He also learned you were a performing arts major and loved literature as well. You actually were quite popular in the sense that you knew a lot of people and did a lot of things. You were in the theatre department, the University orchestra, a scout for the local charity and the choir.  Right now, you had been stressed trying to balance school work with the outside activities. That upcoming weekend, Draco remembered you had both a choir concert and a charity event all in the same day. You also had three core classes out of four periods on four days of the week. He wished he could take some of the load off of your hands and it killed him that he couldn’t.  You and Draco had been spending quite a lot of time together and you only started hearing the rumors about him a month after you were seen as friends. You didn’t believe them though. Draco had an intimidating look, but he was quite kind to you and had a fantastic sense of humor. You also found him extremely attractive.  The past four months had been filled with you working around school and extracurriculars all with Draco’s help. He went home once a month but you would see him again the Monday following the weekend and he always helped you study. Eventually you moved to sit next to him rather than in front of him and you couldn’t help but find yourself staring at him every once in awhile.  You and him did not compute well in your head though. There was something off about him. Something about his family seemed odd. He never spoke of his parents and when he did he used his father's first name but called his mother ‘mom’. You had asked if they were seperated but when he replied negative you left it alone. Unfortunately, this just added onto your worry.

 On the other hand, Draco was also worrying about a similar issue. Over the four months his grades had went down by two points. He still had A’s but if there was something Lucius Malfoy didn’t notice, it would be how big of an arse he is.  Draco couldn’t attend your events this weekend. And oh, how he wanted to more than anything. He had seen pictures of you at said events before. For the orchestra concert you wore a black dress that made you look stunning and at your last charity event, you wore a beautiful gown that made Draco want to kiss you right then and there. He wanted more than anything to see you look so magical in person, but this was his weekend trip home. He couldn’t miss it. Not on his father’s watch.

 “So, can you make it?” You asked, knowing what the answer would most likely be. “No, I have to visit my father. He wants to make sure I’m doing well in school.”  He wants to ask why my grades are still not as good as they used to be. He thought to himself. He subconsciously touched the unseen scars on his back from where his father had punished him many times before.  “Ah, well tell your mother ‘hello’ for me. And be sure to give her this. It’s for Christmas. I am a few months late but it took me awhile to get ahold of it.” You smiled and handed him a small box you had quickly pulled from your bag. He opened the box to reveal a medium sized necklace with emerald gems. “Y/N. . . You really shouldn’t have.” Draco was speechless. It was beautiful. And for you to do that for his mother, it was baffling. He really liked you.  “It’s alright, Draco. Let’s get to class.” You smiled, realizing you reached your classroom. You opened the door for him and you both entered, only for Draco to find it impossible to focus.

 The ride home for Draco was impossible. He lived an hour and a half away and it was not long enough. He was only waiting for the dread of going home.  Parking his car in the drive, he already saw his father in one of the windows. Checking the time, Draco saw it was six in the evening. Your concert had started and would end in thirty minutes and your charity event started at eight. He sighed, knowing he would be enduring a much worse night.  Subconsciously, he clutched your present in his jacket pocket as he approached the front door, his suitcase in his other hand. His mother opened the door and he almost felt relieved, but the feeling quickly left him as he knew his father was still somewhere in the house.   “Draco.” His mother smiled and pulled him in for a hug. He closed his eyes and sighed. “Mom.” He sighed in relief, wrapping his arm around her.  “Come in, come in.” She ushered Draco into the house and he left his suitcase by the door, only to be greeted by his father. “Father.” Draco greeted. “Draco.” Lucius said, much less fond than his wife. “I understand that your grades are still not well. Is it still because of this girl?” Lucius asked coldly and Narcissa put a hand on her son. “Lucius, not now. He just got home.” She sighed and Lucius shot her a glare.  “I will address whatever problems that need to be addressed. Draco?” He replied. “It’s not because of the girl.” He muttered, feeling small. “Is that so? You told your mother you met a girl about four or five months ago. When did your grades drop? Four or five months ago. Before then, nothing was wrong. Now you have some stupid girl around and suddenly your future is compromised.” Lucius spat and Draco felt his hand ball into a fist.  “She’s absolutely not stupid.” Draco said, harshly. His father scoffed. “Oh really? Do you know where she lives? Do you even know if she has both parents? If she even has money?” Lucius scoffed and Draco aggressively stepped closer to his father. “She doesn’t have both parents at home but I’m twice the man you are so even I can look past something as petty as being against that.” Draco spat and was met with a sting on his cheek.

  A sting, a gasp, a raised hand and the turn of a head.

The sting was delivered by his father's raised hand, causing Draco’s head to turn on impact and his mother to gasp and hurry to his side. Draco inhaled deeply, trying not to let the salt in his tears make his eyes go red.  He turned away from his father to his mother. “Mom, Y/N gave this to me to give to you. She said it was for Christmas and it’s a little late and she’s sorry.” Draco calmly handed her the box. He turned to his father. “She also said to apologize for not getting anything for you because she doesn’t know much about you or your interests, but she says she promises to get you a gift for Christmas next time.” Draco said with a sour look. A tear dropped from his eye.  “You don’t deserve anything she will ever give you.” Draco said, shaking with anger. His mother, behind him, had opened the gift from you and covered her mouth in shock. She saw the authenticity in the necklace and based on what Draco had told her about you, she knew that it must had cost you a fortune to afford that present for her. And here her husband was, insulting the girl who her son perfectly deserves, despite her social status.  “Lucius.” She said with a tight lip. “What?” He snapped at her, his chin tilted high.  “It’s not like he’s in love with the thing.” He spat and Draco balled his fists once more. “Actually. . .” Draco paused and looked at his crying mother. “I do.” She smiled. His father looked disgusted. “You what?” He asked.  “I love her.” Draco confirmed and turned to the door. He grabbed his suitcase and pulled his mother close. “I’ll meet you every now and again, but I refuse to meet with him.” He whispered under his breath and pulled her in for a hug. He kissed her forehead before opening the door. “Where are you going?” Lucius asked, angrily.  “A much better place to support the girl I love and I’m not coming back until you fix the way you see her.” He said harshly before slamming the door.

 Draco stopped at a gas station half way back to Uni so he could change into a nice black shirt and some trousers. The argument at home only took thirty minutes so he was making good time. The only problem was traffic.  When he did get to campus, however, he did memorize the building the event would be held in. He found a space to park and rushed in, catching the start just as the lights went down. There were a couple open seats in the back and he thought he spotted you towards the front but it was too dark to tell. He just waited patiently, not speaking to the others at his table.

 A few people went on stage and spoke about helping children with cancer as well as a few other charities said people were helping. It wasn’t until a blonde woman on stage mentioned your charity that Draco really paid attention.  “Now please welcome the founder for the Arts for Acknowledgment program, a program funded by donations here by students to fund educational programs and arts to acknowledge lost or underappreciated cultures, Y/N Y/L/N.”

  And then a girl stood up in the crowd and Draco could no longer believe he had ever known you previous to that moment. You were stunning. He knew it was a black tie event, similar to a gala but you looked like royalty. Your hair was pinned back and your gown was a long and beautiful golden dress that had an off shoulder top but flared out to a large bottom. 

 And the way you walked so graceful onto the stage. The way you smiled to the crowd. He couldn’t help but snicker in contrast to the first day the two of you met. You clumsily falling into the classroom gave him the impression you would do poorly in heels. He was wrong.  “Tonight, i would like to thank the help of my fellow classmates for supporting and donating as well as submitting suggestions and artwork. Thank you. I would like to thank my mother, for pushing me to pursue the goal of helping other people. By using my advantages to help those that had none. Thank you. I would love to thank my counselor who has helped me get through every anxiety attack or depressive episode I have had along the way. Really, without you I wouldn’t be as organized as I am with my life.” You laughed and Draco knew he was in love. He smiled.  “And finally, I would like to thank my best friend, Draco Malfoy, who has been a silent push these past four months ton really put everything together. He has stayed up late countless nights with me to help put together final touches on payment plans, architectural deals or gallery organizations. Really, he should get some of the credit. I love that man for everything he’s done for me. Thank you.” Your words wavered in the last sentence and Draco’s world was paused.  I love that man for everything he’s done for me. The words rang around his head like a pinball machine. Your voice wavered and it only happens when there was something behind your words you weren’t telling.

 Draco felt an impulse and he decided to act upon it. “I am here.” He said as loudly as he could without yelling. Heads turned, yours being one of them. One of the women close to the stage looked appalled. “Young man! I don’t think-”  “It’s alright.” You said, breathless yet a smile was glued to your face. The woman sat down with a huff and Draco made his way to the stage, his heart nearly exploding every step of the way. If he was wrong about this, he was about to embarrass himself in front of about, say, four hundred people or so.

  He reached the mic and away from the mic, you spoke in a hushed tone. “I thought you were with your parents tonight.” He smirked. “You’re much better company.” He smiled and you mirrored his expression. “Ladies and gentlemen, this woman that stands before you is absolutely incredible. Yes, it’s true I stayed up countless nights to help, however, I barely deserve a mention.     This project is hers and hers alone and to take any of the credit would be improper. How hard Y/N has had to work to get all of this done transcends me. But she has done it. For so many people. And she says she loves me for all I’ve done for her?” Draco spoke into the mic.     “No. I love her for her generosity and all she’s done for you.” He stated, giving you a quick glance and noticed you were tearing up. He turned to you, but made sure the mic was able to pick up his words. “For me to let her go and be with someone else would break my heart.” His heartbeat accelerated. Little did he know, so did yours. “Y/N, will you be my girlfriend? You are incredibly intelligent and ambitious with amazing morals. You are kind, funny, and smart both book and street and I would love to make you mine.” Some noises of adoration were heard from the audience. This only egged Draco on.   He got down on one knee. “I have had to keep these feelings inside for the past four months. But Y/L, I love you. Very much. Be mine?” He asked and you nodded. There were cheers from the crowd. You could barely hear them once Draco stood up and pressed a chaste kiss to your lips. Your heart was on fire. Once turned away, his arm did not leave your side. 

You delivered the rest of your speech and the night concluded itself with food, music, and lots of talking. By the end of the night, Draco was walking you back inside your dorm after driving you home. 

   “I never knew.” You both ended up saying. You both laughed. “Neither did I.” You said, reaching your dorm door. “You looked stunning tonight.” Draco commented, cupping your face. “You look handsome yourself.” You replied before he kissed you once more.    “Goodnight, I’ll see you tomorrow. . . Girlfriend.” Draco whispered after pulling away. You giggled and smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow, boyfriend.” You replied and left Draco’s ears ringing with the word. Boyfriend.

hope you enjoyed!

[anayahinckley]

how long can you go without insurance before your license is suspended in florida

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how long can you go without insurance before your license is suspended in florida

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[networkcablingsacramento]

Retain Tenants by Solving Spotty Cellular Problems in Multi-Unit Dwellings | Connected Real Estate Magazine

  Via connectedremag.com

With more tenants working from home, it is no longer optional to provide a strong cellular connection inside your multi-unit dwellings. In fact, it can put you at risk of high tenant turnover as the owners of one Arizona-based apartment complex found out.

Get a free network cabling installation Sacramento quote.

The apartment complex, which consists of six buildings, housed students attending nearby Arizona State University as well as young professionals attracted to its proximity to the Tempe Marketplace, a hotspot for millennials. A lack of indoor coverage was leading to a high tenant turnover rate of the largely millennial renters, and those who did stay were not shy about voicing their displeasure—including online. With its reputation under attack, the owners of the complex had to quickly solve cellular signal problems in each of the buildings.

  Building materials and location are often the culprits blocking cellular carriers’ macro signals, which in turn can create spotty coverage and/or dead zones in multi-unit buildings such as apartments and duplexes. In the case of the Arizona-based apartment complex, its stucco exterior coupled with its LEED certification made it impossible for cellular signals to penetrate the buildings. There was zero indoor coverage on the first two floors, and poor coverage on the two top levels. Boulder, CO-based Illuminati Labs was called in to provide indoor coverage for all four major carriers.

  Illuminati Labs installed Cel-Fi QUATRA, an active DAS hybrid that delivers uniform, in-building cellular coverage and specifically addresses the challenges of poor voice quality, dropped calls, and dead zones in enterprise buildings. All equipment was placed in common areas to avoid occupants tampering with units. In addition, Cat 5e cabling was used to address the owners’ aesthetic concerns about retrofitting the building with cabling and devices. A five-man team was able to complete the installation in just three days.

  “This demographic has grown up in a digital world. Their cell phones are their lifeline, so they need good coverage,” explains Adam Rubey, co-founder of Illuminati Labs. “If we failed to provide that, they would continue to look for alternative living arrangements and posting negative reviews about the building.”

  With the COVID-19 pandemic, the stakes have been raised for reliable in-building cellular coverage since the good, old fashioned phone call has regained ground in both our professional and personal lives. More than ever, people can’t afford to miss “that call” as they rely on their cell phones for safety and to stay in contact with loved ones and colleagues.

  In March 2020, Verizon said it was handling an average of 800 million wireless calls a day during the week, more than double the number made on Mother’s Day, typically its busiest day for phone calls. Calls are also getting longer, up 33 percent from an average day before the outbreak, according to Verizon. Dropped calls to family, friends, and work will only frustrate tenants. “Before, tenants might have been okay with their indoor coverage since they weren’t home all the time, but now they could be home for 24 hours a day, and will realize their apartment has poor cellular coverage,” says Steve Klingensmith, president of Salem, North Carolina-based VAST Signal Booster Solutions. “Those with leases coming up for renewal are going to start to look to move elsewhere and go somewhere that provides a better cellular signal.”

  If building owners don’t know how strong their in-building cellular signal is or what they need to increase signal strength, Klingensmith recommends an in-building walk test as a first step. In-building Walk Test Technology provides a visual guide into the wireless signal environment within a building and shows the areas of strong and weak coverage. It saves both time and money by knowing exactly which areas of a building need to be boosted and how much equipment is needed.

  “The best way to determine your cell phone signal strength is to check your RAW signal strength. That’s why the walk test is extremely important. You’ll know that you’re not overspending and getting just what you need,” adds Klingensmith.

  Social distancing concerns might also have building owners on the fence and unsure about what can be done about solving cellular coverage challenges now. But industry-leading solutions like Cel-Fi QUATRA can be installed without entering individual tenants’ units or violating social distancing orders. Cel-Fi QUATRA Network Units, the head ends of the system, and Coverage Units, the remote units that distribute a signal, can be installed in hallways to provide residents with excellent coverage for all four major carriers throughout a building – without anyone having to step through their apartment door.

  read more at connectedremag.com

source https://networkcablingsacramento.net/retain-tenants-by-solving-spotty-cellular-problems-in-multi-unit-dwellings-connected-real-estate-magazine/

[foxcroft-rpg-blog]

Congratulations, Jena! Levi is a pivotal character and I can’t wait to see what you do with him. You subtly captured his desperation to get the story, to get out, to catch his big break. I really like the way you described his connection with Cassidy too. I’m excited to see what you do there. 

Thanks again for applying! Please create your account and send in the link, track the right tags, and follow everyone on the masterlist as soon as you can. Welcome to Foxcroft!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Name: Jena

Age: 19

Preferred pronouns: She/her

Time zone: Eastern (GMT -5:00)

Activity: Since we’re approaching the end of the semester, my activity might be spotty during final weeks but other than that, I should be able to get on throughout the week and if not the weekend. During the summer I will be working but only until five, so I’ll be able to get on after that too.

Anything else?: Nothing at the moment but if anything comes up, I’ll be sure to message the main.

IN CHARACTER

Full name: Levi Samuel Fletcher

Date of birth: May 23, 1993

How long have they been in Foxcroft:

The people feel and look the same, like they’ve settled here even though they know there’s something more-something better-just beyond where they are. But Levi wasn’t going to settle like everyone else, he knew that there was so much more out there just outside of the town’s limit. The first step in really getting a chance to go out and explore the world was going away for school and leaving the place he had spent his entire life. But just like everyone else that had tried to leave the small eerie town, he was drug back to the miserable place. Just when he thought that he had finally done the impossible and escaped the town, he was brought right back to reality. Even though he has spent a majority of his life living in Foxcroft, he knew that his current situation was only temporary. He’s going to do it one day. He’s going to get out.

Sexuality:

It only seemed natural to Levi when he realized that he wasn’t only attracted to girls but also boys too. He didn’t understand why some people got so worked up over the fact that he identifies as bisexual. No one is surprised when he tells them that he is biracial, so why should they be surprised that he is bisexual? In his eyes, it shouldn’t matter to anyone else who he’s interested in or not, its not like they’re going to be with the person. Levi still isn’t sure whether or not he’s just bisexual or if he’s more pansexual but he’s not really sure if he needs to know exactly what he is right now anyways.

FC change: n/a

MORE

How do you interpret this character’s personality? How will you portray them? Include two weaknesses and two strengths. (2+ paragraphs)

I wish there was a simple way to describe Levi’s personality. He is such a complex character and he could easily be written in a few different ways and they would all fit. In my eyes, Levi at one point in time was the boy next door. Nice boy, good morals, polite, basically everything that you would want your child to be. At first, he was very humble because he knew there was nothing guaranteed in life, things could be taken away from you at any given moment and it didn’t matter whether or not you thought it was fair. He was used to having so little in life due to his family financial status that he learned how to be compassionate with others and how to get creative with the little amount of things that they did have. Levi’s love for the world around him caused him to want to know everything about it. His curiosity would lead him to not only question everything and anything around him but he would never take no for an answer. He would do whatever it took until he was satisfied with the answers that he had. I feel like younger Levi was so full of hope and optimism and was really confident with himself that people couldn’t help but want to be around him, they wanted him to go out and succeed just as much as he wanted to himself.

As Levi had grown up and went away to college, not much has change. If anything, maybe leaving Foxcroft had enhanced some of these traits of his. I feel like in his older years, Levi still carries all of these things, but now everything in more extreme. Before, he was hard working and was dead set on getting the answers that he wanted. But now that passionate he has inside of him causes him to sometimes forget what the big picture really is. Sometimes he gets too wrapped up in his own head to remember that everything has a purpose and he needs to remember that. But he’s such a perfectionist when it comes to his future that he will do whatever it takes to make sure he ends up where he wants to be, even if that means doing some questionable things. Levi sometimes forgets that not everything has to be about his future, it’s alright to live in the present every once in awhile. But more importantly, I think sometimes Levi gets so set on making sure that everything is perfect for his future that he sometimes forgets who he is as a person.

Strengths: Intuitive, determined, curious, adaptable, idealistic, personable, strong-willed

Weaknesses: Stubborn, decisive, critical, erratic

How did this character react to the death of Hazel Abrams? Adam Foxcroft? (1+ paragraphs)

The death of Hazel Abrams was unexpected in many ways. No one every expected such a horrific thing to ever happen within the town limits of Foxcroft yet at the same time it didn’t feel entirely out of place. Levi was sitting in his small apartment when he got the phone call from his mother telling him just want had happened to the poor girl. There was part of Levi that didn’t want to believe the things that his mother were telling him, he had gave everything up about Foxcroft once he left for school, including its people. But this, the death of someone he knew growing up, was a small reminder that no matter how much he tried to push himself away, there was always something there pulling him back. He couldn’t just pretend to feel nothing when he thought about her death, it just felt wrong in his mind. A few days later and Levi couldn’t stand it anymore, he couldn’t just sit there not knowing what was going on back at home. Looking through various websites, it didn’t take long until he happened to stumble onto the police reports from Hazel’s case.  Levi studied it over and over until he knew all of the details like the back of his hand. The more he read about it, the more he wasn’t happy with what he was seeing. It didn’t add up, none of it. But eventually classes took priorities once again and all thoughts about Hazel’s case were easily replaced with something else.

Fast forward a year later and Hazel’s case officially went cold. Levi had just returned home when the news finally broke that there were no leads and her case may never get solved. It seemed like things were starting to feel like they were going back to normal. But then the news hit that there was a dead body found in the swamps yet again and everything was turned upside down once again. Levi found himself running around the small studio, throwing equipment into his bag as he rushed out of the building and into his car, heading straight for the swamps. The death of Adam Foxcroft awoke something in Levi in a sense. It gave him a new hope that maybe things weren’t completely finished for him just yet, that there was more for him than he ever expected. What were the odds that an event such as the death of another Foxcroft member just a year apart from Hazel would occur and the only one there to tell the story would be himself. Levi continued to cover this story live the first couple of weeks, but when things began to wind down, this didn’t stop Levi or his work. Part of him knew that he should feel bad. Adam was someone’s son, he meant something to a lot of people. And part of him was upset over the loss of the boy, but that was easily replaced with the rush he got as he covered his death instead. He knew that this was his story and his story alone. He had been covering it since it had first happened and he was going to make sure that he was the one to tell the ending.  The guilt that he had felt when he realized that he was merely using Adam’s death to put himself back on the map, to win over the town people once again, was slowly started to disappear the more he discovered and the closer he got to closing the case.

How do they see the town and its people? Think about the different groups of people and prejudices the town holds about them. (1+ paragraphs)

At first when he was younger, Levi didn’t understand why there were some people who tried so hard to try and get out. From what he knew, the people we kind and everyone knew everyone. But as he grew older, he realized that was exactly why they wanted to get out. It was tiresome having to be stuck in a place that had no good opportunities left for you. Everyone seemed tired and worn out. Like they were in this continuous and nonstop routine. They weren’t really living a life anymore, none of them were.  Levi tried to remind himself that he couldn’t blame the people who lived there. It was the small town that took away the life from their eyes, sentencing them to a life time of trying to scrape by. Even though no one wanted to admit it, everyone in Foxcroft had their own issues and problems, some were just better at hiding it than others. And having his own fair share of problems, Levi was never one to judge these people, at least he tried is best not to. After all, he had spent a majority of his life in poverty. There would be some days where they would skip a meal or just have sandwiches for the day. Or the times where all the other kids at school would have new clothes and Levi had to just make do with what he had. He knew that his family couldn’t help their financial and he didn’t blame them for that. But he knew that others looked at him differently for it, that they pity him. He hated that. He didn’t want people to look at him like he was helpless, like he wasn’t capable like the rest of his peers. Even though his mother would sit him down and tell him that life for a boy like him was going to be hard, but he had to be stronger than that and push back. Prove to them he could be everything that they didn’t believe that he could be. But sometimes it was hard not to. He couldn’t understand how they were possibly okay with just sitting there and letting their life slip by, or how they could judge others when they themselves had so much that they could be judged for. So once he decided that he was going to leave this town behind him, he didn’t think twice about it. Sure there were a few people that he’d miss, but the rest of the town didn’t matter to him. It didn’t matter if he never saw them again in his life.

But when the cruel reality hit that he would be coming back to Foxcroft, his view of the people changed. He now knew why these people had looks of defeat on their faces at all time, it was the same reason why now he had shared those similar looks. He no longer pitied these people, if anything they pitied him now and he knew that. If there was anything worse than someone who was stuck in this town for the rest of their life, it was someone who tried to leave but failed. He left this place with people cheering him on, hoping that maybe he’d be the one to actually do it, to actually get it. But now he could see the judgement in their eyes as he walked by. This didn’t cause him to act any differently around them, his still treated them with kindness and politeness but he still knew it was there.

Please include 1-2 possible plots your see for this character (1 paragraph brief explanation for each)

Since covering the events of the death of  Adam Foxcroft, Levi knew that there was something more here to the story then what the town was letting onto. There has always been something off about this place, but having two mysterious deaths in the matter of a short period of time in a small town was unheard of. After starting his read show and trying to do how on investigating journalism, Levi realized that maybe he was onto something here, there was something more, something bigger, going on here. Levi couldn’t explain what it was, at least not yet. He knew that his investigation was getting somewhere, he just wasn’t sure exactly where it was leading him. He thought maybe he’d get a big break, write the story the revealed who was behind these strange murders. He wished that’s what had happened. Instead, he found out more than he ever wanted to know, needed to know. He couldn’t explain what he found yet at the same time everything and all the weird things that have been happening in this small town were now starting to make more sense.

For this plot, I think it would be really interesting to see what would happen if Levi actually figured out what was going on. Whether it be just about the the murders or about all the supernatural things going on, we can discuss more about it and see what fits with the plot better. But I think it would be interesting to see what would happen if Levi did find out and either no one believed him and his findings or someone finds out and is not happy that he knows too much and decides to take matters into their own hands and take care of Levi themselves.

Cassidy and Levi were inseparable. Either hardly knew a life without the others. They were always there for each other whether it was to talk about the things going on in their lives or to simply just to accompany one another. They knew the other probably better than they knew themselves. Levi knew since the day he met her that she was something special, that he always wanted her in his life no matter what. She was the only person that he felt like he didn’t have to worry about being someone he’s not around. She was the first person he told that he was accepted into Emerson. He didn’t see it right away, the small features of her face showing the hurt and betrayal of his words. She knew what they meant, that he would finally get the chance to make it out of this small town, and it showed on her face. It wasn’t until after Levi returned from school that he realized just how much he his leavings would really affect her. He couldn’t place his finger on what was different about her when he returned to the familiar place, but as time went on and he spent more time with her both with and without Jack, he was starting to catch on to what was going on. At one point in time, they were close enough that Cassidy would’ve told him that things weren’t good between her and Jack, that she was no longer safe. But Levi soon realized that by going away from college, he put more at risk than just his friendship with the girl. One day, Levi noticed some bruises on her arms. He didn’t think much of it until one day the bruises moved from her arm to her face. That’s when everything clicked for him. That’s when he figured out what was different about her. Even though Cassidy didn’t rely on him as she used to anymore and told him not to worry about it when he pointed it out to her, he wasn’t going to sit back and continue to let this terrible, awful things to happen. No, he might not be the person that Cassidy needs anymore, but he loved her too much to allow this to happen. So he had decided. He was going to take the problem into his own hands. He was going to address Jack.

The dynamic between both Cassidy/ Levi and Cassidy/Jack is something that could easily be turned into a plot. It doesn’t matter that Levi left, Cassidy still meant the world to him. So to hear that someone else would take advantage of her like this is enough for him to no longer stay silent. I think it would be interesting to see what would happen for Levi to not only realize that Cassidy is dealing with abuse from Jack but also to have Levi act on that information. I would love to see Levi confront Jack, to call him out for what he did to Cassidy. Maybe things could escalate into a fight or it could just be a screaming match. Either way, I think this plot could be important to the development of a few characters.

WRITING SAMPLE

Sample 1

Sample 2

EXTRA

How would you feel about this character dying?: I understand that given the plot it is necessary for certain characters to die or to be taken away. I completely understand and do not mind if this happens to this character (actually encourage it since I live for angst) as long as you let me continue to ramble on about them and possibly pick up a new character.

Why did you choose this character?:

Levi in my mind is so real that it’s terrifying. I feel as if his bio addresses a lot of issues that are currently happening in today’s age and I really love that about him. He feels so familiar to me yet there’s so much I don’t know about him yet and that just makes me want to develop him all the more. Plus who doesn’t love a little optimistic puppy who only wanted to leave and make a better life for himself only to realize that he’s no better than the rest and he’s stuck there just like everyone else?

Extras: character tag, rp tag, pinterest board, playlist

How did you find us?: Janelle dragged me here and I love her for doing so

[onceandfutureflyfisherman]

Thursday in TZ

I’ve been trying to put some photos on this blog but have been unsuccessful.  Internet access here is spotty.  Ironically, cell phone use here is rampant, despite the poverty - just one of many contrasts.

When I accepted Jeff’s request to accompany him to TZ, I had a very strong feeling I would be quickly sucked into doing something meaningful despite my tendency to avoid meaningful activity. Knowing that, I accepted my fate long before I arrived here.  It was only a question of what I would do exactly to help out Empower Tanzania.  Sure enough, I couldn’t resist weighing in when a problem relating to a particular program was mentioned, and no sooner did an opinion fall out of my mouth than I was drafted to find a solution.  Because I have some business acumen, having spent three decades, including almost two decades as a partner, in a major international accounting firm, I was tasked with helping to resolve some problems emerging from ET’s recent creation of a business that I’ll describe in a moment.

In Tanzania, as in most countries, I imagine, gender-based violence (GBV) occurs far too often and of course it is women who are the victims in almost all cases.  In the course of working with large groups of women in the Same district of TZ, ET was able to identify and assist dozens of these victims.  One of the ways ET determined it could help was to start a business to serve two purposes - create jobs and promote entrepreneurial opportunity for the GBV victims, provide products that support the health care and educational objectives of ET.  By the time I first heard about this several months ago, ET had already organized ten groups of ten women each to spearhead this effort and produce certain products, and by the time I arrived here this week, a substantial number of the products had been produced and were ready for sale.

Menstrual care is one of the basics of life for women that often manifests itself as a problem in rural TZ and most undeveloped parts of the world.  In TZ, if women have enough money to afford it, which often they do not, they use disposable sanitary napkins, just like women in the developed world.  But that’s a significant expense when they have so many other priorities.  The alternative is to use rags or paper or whatever is available, which entails a number of health hazards.  The difficulty that TZ girls have in dealing with this is perhaps the leading cause of why a high percentage of them drop out of school at a young age.

Several years ago, an organization in Uganda identified a cost-effective solution to this problem, which was to educate women about menstrual care and to show them how to make reusable, washable pads and liners.  I won’t get into the details here, but just trust me, they work well, and a kit produced using this model that lasts up to three years costs about the same as a three-month supply of disposable pads.  ET adopted this solution and taught the 100 GBV women how to make the kits.  ET provided initial funding for the equipment and the women recently began manufacture of these and a couple of other items.

Now the issues to be resolved, which we began to tackle today, involve how to begin selling the products and how they should be priced in order for the GBV women, and ultimately the Community Health Educators (CHEs) who will sell them, to be compensated at a level appropriate for their efforts.  Again, I don’t want to get into all the nitty-gritty, but suffice it to say that within one day’s time spent interacting with the CHEs and a couple of representatives of the GBVs, we made substantial progress toward creating a sales model and working out the pricing and compensation issues.  There is still some work to be done, and that’s something I’ll be focused on during the remainder of my visit, but there’s a clear path forward, and we expect that the GBV ladies will be paid very soon for the work they've already done, and that the products will be introduced to the villages that the CHEs serve within the next month or two.

I don’t want to say anything more about boring business matters right now - I’ve just tried to give you some context for a few observations I wish to share. I’ve led a thousand business meetings in my career, but it was definitely odd to sit down with six ladies dressed in bright robes and headdresses and to conduct the meeting primarily in Swahili with the aid of Eli Kisimbo, who served as interpreter.  By the time we were halfway through, it dawned on me that matters were moving along just like they did in all the other business meetings I’ve been in.  It made me smile.  At the conclusion of the meeting, the Tanzanians expressed their thanks in a unique way that they often do; they call this practice a name that sounds like “pasha-pasha,” and it involves rubbing their palms together, making a short series of claps or stomps or other noises, then brushing one hand rapidly across the other  while making a happy cry.

Later, after I gave a very brief synopsis of the meeting to the larger group of CHE’s, I was extremely honored to be serenaded with a song named with Swahili words that mean “stung by the bee of knowledge.” The women gathered around me singing that beautiful song together, swaying and ducking to a 5/4 rhythm, smiling and laughing.  It probably won’t surprise you if I say that the images of that performance will never melt from my memory.

I tried to begin writing this post earlier today when I had some idle time sitting in the back of the CHE class, but after I’d composed a paragraph or two, a little Maasai girl of about four or five approached my side and was looking at my laptop screen.  Since she seemed fascinated, I used my fingers to show her how, when I pressed a particular key, the corresponding letter would appear on the screen.  Then I carefully took one of her fingers, pressed it on a key, and showed her where her letter appeared.  Within minutes she was trying out various sequences of letters and numbers on her own, watching them manifest on the screen, and pretending to read them, quietly singing her interpretation of the “words.”  Then she grabbed another toddler who had just woken from a nap, sat the sleepy-eyed little guy down next to me and showed him how to type.  His approach wasn't quite as orderly as the girl’s - soon my writing was deleted. I happily closed the laptop when the kids finally lost interest.

Tomorrow some of us are driving farther out in the sticks to visit a Maasai village.  Hard to believe that it may be even more fascinating than what I’ve already encountered, but I'm told it will be.