#achieving more of my long-term goals and still idly fantasizing abt being dead lmfao
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‘it gets better’ and other lies we tell ourselves to cope with the crushing hopelessness of living in a world that makes us earn the right to stay alive title of my autobiography
#1 school of thought suggests I should be medicated and I tend to agree bc my brain sucks balls#however my mistrust/fear of doctors is stronger than my hatred of living Like This#but also what if Going Outside and Having Real Friends was actually all it took#that would be so embarrassing for me#< I frequently think this#what if Having Girlfriend was all it took wouldn’t that be the worst thing ever#but also what if none of that changed anything. the only possibility that is worse#achieving more of my long-term goals and still idly fantasizing abt being dead lmfao#what if I WASNT working another horrible soul-ruining job and I still felt like a worthless shell#what if it was all just me the whole time!!!!!!! what if nothing I do can ever change that!!!!!!!!!
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