#accidental aphrodisiac nonsense

[distracteddream]

WIP Wednesday

Thank you for the tag, @andthekitchensinkao3! How about a bit of the Accidental Aphrodisiac Nonsense? (Behind the cut for Mature in this snippet.)

“Tell me no,” Loki growled as he crowded against Mobius. “Deny me and I’ll get you back safely to the TVA.”

Mobius licked at his lip, watching Loki’s eyes track the movement. “And if I don’t?” Mobius dragged his hands down to Loki’s hips, holding him in place as he flexed his thigh against Loki’s erection. If his mind hadn’t already been made up, the way Loki shuddered and bucked into him would have done it. “What if I enthusiastically tell you yes instead?”

Loki’s gaze snapped to his. “Say it then.”

Mobius stretched up on his toes, whispering in Loki’s ear as to lover. “Yes, Loki.”

Tagging @mirilyawrites @hauntedcoyote @wolfpup026 @in-my-loki-feels @loki-is-my-kink-awakening @rin-love-is-green - what are y’all working on?

[distracteddream]

He guided Loki’s head back with the fingers in his hair, his breath stolen away by the post-orgasm daze on Loki’s face. He’d put that there. Mobius had done that.

this week's word is...

Find the word in any WIP and share the sentence containing it. Reply, reblog, stick it in the tags, tag us in a new post, or keep it private. All fandoms, all ships, all writers welcome.

[brairslair]

op monster trio x fem!reader nsfw headcanons

EVERYONE IS 18+ (minors need to scram)

a/n: remember, these are hc’s and just my opinion!

don’t forget to like, reblog, and comment to support my work! mwah <3

“just enjoy this”

luffy:

very talkative and vocal during sex

always just says whats on his mind

“wow, you’re so wet for me already”

“you look so pretty when your face scrunches up like that”

“that feels good. go faster”

not shy at all about moaning and can get really loud sometimes

like there will definitely be noise complaints

kinda a pleasure dom, but can also get really needy sometimes

wants to make sure you feel just as good as he does

“does that feel good?”

“how’s this?”

“you like it when i do that?”

loves bringing food into the bedroom (obviously)

aphrodisiacs? yes

licking whipped cream, hot fudge, caramel, etc, off your body? yuh huh

and his stamina is HIGH

he also gets really excited about trying new things, and will try pretty much anything once if it’s something you’re into

one of his favorites is mirror sex

spreading you out on his fingers or his dick and making sure you watch yourself

he just wants you to see the beautiful view that he gets to see

plus then he gets double of you, and more you is always good

loves when you get vocal, so if you’re on the shyer side he will definitely work overtime so he gets to hear you

will make it a game to see how loud he can get you

he also speaks portuguese bc it makes sense and also i said so !!!!

sometimes his language setting accidentally switches to portuguese when he’s fucked out

“vou meter em você ate você gritar meu nome”

goes crazy when you say his name

even crazier when you get so cockdrunk that you start babbling nonsense

honestly he can’t help but laugh

like full on belly laughing like a maniac while he’s breaking your brain

but he just thinks you’re the cutest and he can’t contain himself

sometimes he’ll have a conversation with you while you’re in that state, acting like he can understand anything you’re saying

“feels good huh?”

you’ll whine out something indecipherable in response

“yeah i know!”

he’s always happy if you tell him what you want and how you’re feeling

because he just loves you so much and he wants you to enjoy it too

because he thinks you deserve the world

can also get pretty dominant/demanding sometimes without even realizing it, just because he’s so blunt

he’s just a man who knows what he wants and goes for it

if he’s especially needy, he gets a little more rough with you

holding your hair as he fucks your mouth, because your eyes look so pretty when you look up at him like that

or fucking you hard and fast to chase his own release, leaving bruises on your hips from how tightly he’s gripping them

even then, he’ll always do frequent check ins to make sure you’re still enjoying it

messy kisser

loves kissing and licking and nibbling all over your body

definitely leaves marks

he’s also not shy about PDA, (mostly because he does not understand the social construct of what is and is not appropriate to do in public), so he loves when he gets to see his love marks on you the next day

thinks u look rly pretty with his love all on you

he’s really good with his mouth

could eat you out for hours, and wont stop until your whole body is shaking

big fan of face sitting

definitely more of a tits guy

always smiling into your kisses, wether he’s sweetly kissing your lips, leaving a trail down your body, or teasing your clit

loves to make you squirm, so edging you is definitely fun for him

he likes seeing you be all needy for him, especially since he’s usually the needier one (can you blame him)

definitely also challenges himself to see how many times he can make you cum in one day, and keeps track of his records

really enjoys using his devil fruit powers on you too, and laughs in excitement when it makes your eyes roll back

always gets you both water and plenty of snacks afterwards, falling into a comfortable conversation or putting on your favorite movie

zoro:

you’re the only person he feels comfortable enough to be this vulnerable with, and he trusts you with his life

you are always his number one priority, no matter what, and that naturally carries over into your sex life

he’s extremely attentive to you, in and out of the bedroom

knows your body better than he knows his own

always knows exactly what you need and just how to make your eyes roll back

he’s a “just relax and let me take care of you” kind of guy, and all he cares about is making you feel good

after all, you always make him feel good, even without doing a single thing

but of course he soaks in anything and everything you graciously give him

he quietly feels undeserving of your love, so he’s really big on being praised

your sweet words only spur him on to make you cum even harder

usually more of a soft dom

but if you ask nicely, sometimes he’ll let you take care of him when you know he needs to just relax

he’s gentle with his strength and careful not to hurt you

likes to fuck you hard but slow, wanting it to last as long as possible

he lives to hear your pretty noises of overstimulation as he makes sure to hit the right spots with every agonizing thrust

your legs held over his shoulders so you can feel every inch of him

doesn’t pick up his pace, even when you’re trembling and trying to move your hips against his

“i’ve got you. just enjoy this”

not super talkative, but definitely gets more vocal the more comfortable he gets being intimate with you

lots of grunts and groans against your neck

sometimes an occasional moan or curse will slip out

when he does talk, it’s soft and low, whispered for only your ears to hear

his voice gets a little deeper when he’s like this, and it grounds you and shakes you to your core somehow at the same time

he loves kissing you, and pouring every feeling he can’t put into words onto your lips

rly likes watching your face to see every pretty little expression you make

likes seeing how good he’s making you feel

also really big on eye contact

wether he’s fingering you, eating you out, fucking you, you’re giving him head, whatever, he wants to look into your eyes and watch them as they get all glassy

“hey, look at me. keep your eyes open”

a little bit into dacryphilia , because it feels so intimate to him

making you feel so overwhelmed with pleasure that it brings you to tears, then kissing all your tears away as you fall apart for him

he’s also really good with his fingers because of how much dexterity he’s built up in his hands from all those years of swordsmanship training

the reason he also has insane stamina ^

if you get bratty with him he’ll get bratty back (he’s a part of the sassy man apocalypse)

sometimes if you’re being particularly bratty, or when he gets cocky after a really good training session, he can get a little more riled up into being more talkative and commanding

but he still never loses that softness, because to him you’re angel on earth, and his love and adoration for you is overflowing

“if you’re that needy, just ask for it. don’t need to make a fuss”

“that’s it, keep going”

“go ahead, you can let go for me”

“tell me what you want me to do and i’ll do it, but you have to use your words”

if he’s feeling really confident, he might pin you against his surface of choice while he ruts into you, licking into your mouth to savor your taste

^ he feels guilty at first for being rough with you, but any fears of him being selfish fly out the window when he hears you moan his name all desperate and hoarse and fucked out

“you like it when im rough like this, huh?”

“what was that, honey? you gotta speak up”

“i know you’ve got one more in you, baby, don’t hold out on me”

no matter what, he always makes sure you cum at least twice before he does

he’s not super into pda, but he secretly loves when you leave marks on him

especially when you scratch up his back or his chest

they feel like battle scars and make him feel all proud and shit

he’ll “discreetly” show them off walking around topless, but he’ll still glare at anyone if they make a comment about it

he also joins the pda train anytime he sees you talking to another man that isn’t a part of the crew

or any time he’s drunk off his ass ^^

thigh/ass guy

he loves feeling your body shutter and twitch from his touch

he doesn’t smile too often, but you sometimes get lucky enough to see it

he’ll hold your jaw up and smile lazily into your sweet kisses while he fucks you deep with his fingers

constantly longs to show his devotion to you, and takes his time to make sure you feel it

lots of sleepy and lazy sex

also shower/bath sex

he lives to hear your sweet sounds

he will not stand for it if you try to hide your pretty little noises from him

“c’mon, don’t do that. let me hear you”

“don’t get all shy on me now”

“there’s my girl”

he’ll always put a pillow under your hips

he likes to wrap his arms around your waist to pull you as close to him as possible

he also just finds it really hot when you arch your back

he’ll fuck you so good that you genuinely cannot stand after he’s finished with you

then he’ll run you both a warm bath, hold you to his chest, and wash off your body and your hair as you both relax into the comfortable silence

sanji:

worships the ground you walk on (seriously considered starting a religion)

loves to be romantic and set the mood

cooking you both a nice intimate dinner, lighting candles, peppering rose petals, giving you massages, etc etc

but once you guys actually start getting intimate, he cannot WAIT to get his hands on you

but he still respects you and treats you like a fucking queen, because to him you are

not an exaggeration by any means either, he will build you a throne

he asks permission before kissing you

won’t touch you unless you give him permissiom

will do or say genuinely anything you ask him to, no questions asked

but will also pathetically rut his hips against your clothed cunt while you make out and cum in his pants if you allow it

he can get rock hard just at the sight of you

not even in a pervy way, it’s just that you’re sooo sexy and everything you do is like his siren song

definitely a sub

loves receiving, and feels blessed with every ounce of pleasure you grant him

but making you feel good gives him just as much pleasure, because he worships you after all

knowing he’s the one making you feel good really gets him going

he’ll worship your body for HOURS with no expectations to receive anything in return

he can get off untouched just by knowing he’s making you feel good

loves eating you out, and is extremely talkative

more than willing to be on his knees for you at any time

loves praising you (of course) and is always eager to encourage you

“you’re the most beautiful woman i’ve ever seen”

“you taste so sweet, mon amour”

“want you to cum so badly, sweetheart”

“please let me help you come undone my love”

he loves when you praise him too

however, he also goes crazy when you get a little mean

likes it when you use him for your own pleasure after a restless night or a frustrating mission

or when you edge him for hours as punishment for making a flirtatious comment towards another woman (atp he only does it to get this result)

he is also not beneath begging !

sucker for romance during sex too

loves holding your hand while he makes you see stars or while you let him use your mouth

kissing all over you while you both fall apart

babbling and whining against your lips about how much he loves you

loves when you mark him up, and will proudly show them off

practically gets heart eyes every time he looks at you, but his eyes are BULGING when he sees your perfect tits

loves sucking on them while you ride him

very cheesy and dramatic lines and pet names, but they all come straight from his heart and he means every single word

really likes it when you pull his hair

definitely whimpers and whines and moans your name like a prayer

says “thank you” when you let him cum because he’s so polite

probably has a breeding kink

definitely has low stamina at the beginning of your relationship and doesn’t last very long, but builds it up over time

still makes sure you’re more than fully satisfied even if he’s already finished

would let you tie him up, blindfold him, gag him, whatever you want, and he would enjoy the fuck out of every second

he would still complain and whine about not being able to touch/see/praise you a bit though

super passionate kisser

also always extremely sensitive, because it’s you

lots of cuddles and kisses and sweet words after the two of you are done until you fall asleep with your limbs tangled

asks are open!

[stoopidpigeonxx]

Can you do the tupar crew and their partner taking those freaky chocolates and something with spit play please (😞🙏🏽)

Also I love your content!!

Aphrodisiacs.. me likey >:-) I can do this, yes! And thank you lovey <33 I got confused and wrote the crew taking them- I hope this suffices, sorry :'3

Curly

-god dammit he knew something was wrong with those chocolates.. You wouldn't randomly offer him some without consequences. -Dude is throbbing hard and it's all your fault. -Super grabby, clingy, touchy, kinda like a dog. He's panting and groaning because he's so hard it hurts. -Almost cries when you teasingly ask him what's wrong because you KNOW what's wrong, you evil little minx you. -"I d'no, I just.. fuck, I really need to be inside of you, angel.. like right now." -If you agree to help him out, he's throwing you over his shoulder to your quarters faster than lightning. He's on a roll. -Prepare for a loooong night. You will most likely not be able to walk tomorrow and possibly the day after that. -For real, he's going at least 8 rounds. -You've never had that many orgasms in your LIFE. -and the best part.. his rampant horniness makes him the BEST sweet talker. -Oh my GOD. -"Fuck, fuck fuck, you're so warm n' tight, you're fucking perfect, shit.. I love you, I love you s'much, my beautiful girl/boy.." -"Yeaah, you like takin' it? I know, baby, I know you do." -yeah, you might have to take a couple plan b's.

Jimmy

-oh he is pissed. -Doesn't matter if it was accidental or not, he's getting your ass. -Grabs you out of nowhere and shoves your ass against him with his hand on your throat. -"So you think yer fuckin' slick, huh? Givin' me that shit that's got me hard as a rock? Well if you wanna play like that, doll, I hope you can take what you get." -Does not give any fucks. Just bends you over wherever he's got you and goes to town. -And he's rough with it. Ass smacking, choking, hair pulling. It's your fault he's this horny anyways. He wants you to regret it. -"You wanted to get fucked like this, didn't cha, slut? Well you fucking got it. You gonna take this dick all fuckin' night." -leaving you with handprints on your ass and his seed leaking down your legs. Probably just. Leaves you in a crumpled up state. And goes to bed. You can handle yourself.

Daisuke (Ftm for this one!!)

-oh you're gonna kill this poor man. -He was already horny enough as it is!! -He's so fucking that he could cum if you so much as poke his clit. -rubbing himself on your thigh while y'all are cuddling.. -he's like a dog in heat. PLEASE fuck this man. -"Please please please please, baby.. I'm gonna diee... you're killing meeeee.." -rolled over pawing at your thighs and shit. He's so fucking down bad. -EAT HIM OUT!!!! -Or just.... do anything. Like it's painful for him to be this horny. Put him out of his misery. -goes so dumb when he cums that he's babbling literal nonsense. It's so illegible. -"Ohhhh fuckfuckfuckfuck, shit, fuuuuck-! Baby- oh my god.. fuck.." -Knocks the hell out afterwards. He's tired. :-(

Anya

-you're a monster.... -she has to deal with the aching between her thighs while she's working??? -She's very polite at hinting what she wants, but it's still pretty obvious. She's clingy as hell, and pressing her hips against you a bit too hard. -"H-honey, I hate to be a bother, but, I really need your help.." -literally just a full night of the sweetest, most passionate sex ever. She's such a romantic.. -eat this girl OUT. Let her ride your face. She really needs it. -Not super vocal regarding words, but makes some really sweet noises. -Probably only gets vocal when she's about to cum. And it's mostly just your name over and over. :-3 -Girly has unlimited stamina. Even if you can't go anymore, she'll ride your thigh or something.

Swansea

-probably the most respectful out of them all. -doesn't bother you, can take care of himself, unless you're actively offering. -He tries really really hard not to go absolutely feral since he knows that would be physically hard for him. But jeez, you're so hot, and he's harder than he's ever gotten, even in his youth. -Would marathon go down on you. You taste delicious, he'd be stupid to refuse you. -"Jesus, darlin', you're the most beautiful person i've ever met.. M'so lucky to have ya all to myself." -probably doesn't go super long. He's old. He doesn't have much stamina. He'll go as long as he possibly can for you, though. He wants to make you feel as good as he does.

[cellphishthekaiju]

Fan-girl Ramblings: My [1st] Custom Tav, Hestra Lumeth

Being so absorbed in BG3 as of late, figured why not write nonsense about my Tav (inspired a bit by a Twitter post about voicing their background) and since I write some 'serious' fan-fic about this woman... why not do a lengthy post explaining her?

*Usual warning of spoilers and a lot of this is made up from my deranged mind.

Hestra's 'natural' name is actually Keryx, born to Archdevil Zelinor, a succubus, and Veestan Lumeth, a high elven nobleman from the 'secret' city of Ny'nahil [in a valley somewhere within the Greypeak Mountains].

The 'story' goes is that Veestan wanted to recapture his glory days as a troubadour and decided he would seduce and bargain with a devil; specifically a native to the Fourth Layer of the Nine Hells, Phlegethos. Whatever bargain was made resulted in Keryx's birth; an Infernal contract cosigned to flesh.

*Though born to a devil, Keryx was born as a Tiefling and not a Cambion (since her mother is the devil, not her father). She does not inherit any Succubus-related abilities though does 'attain' the traits of the Fierna Bloodline, giving her a natural suave charm and inverting a tiefling's natural 'aura' to unsettle others, instead appearing alluring to most who encounter her and remain within her proximity for an extended amount of time. After her 'reforging' in the Pit of Flame, she developed a couple of succubus traits, mainly the ability for her musk and bodily fluids to behave as aphrodisiacs.

As per the bargain, Keryx was taken to Faerun to be left in the care of Veestan until her thirteenth year, but he wanted nothing to do with his bastard devil and so abandoned her in favor of reliving his fame.

For his vanity and blatant disregard for his own child, Yorilnth banished Veestan fron Ny'nahil and stripped him of all his wealth and titles, bequeathing them to Keryx as his sole (and rightful) heir once of age to utilize her inheritance. In the interim, Yorilnth, reluctantly, became mother to an unwanted tiefling child.

Yorilnth is no ordinary high elf, but an Ancient Silver Dragon that has called Ny'nahil her lair for several centuries now. Though there is no monarchy, the residents of Ny'nahil and her clan refer to her as 'queen'. Keryx was raised, mostly, by Yorilnth and Alioth, the clan's egg keeper, and experienced a relatively lovely and 'normal' upbringing. Keryx grew especially close to Razsermerjur, Yorilnth's youngest child, and the two treated each other as siblings.

Upon the hour Keryx turned thirteen, a Bone Devil suddenly arrived in Ny'nahil and dragged her down to Phlegethos, nearly killing Razsamerjur as the dragon, valiantly, tried to protect their sister from her fate.

For the next twenty-ish years, Keryx was raised in the ways of her Infernal heritage. Every day was a test of survival as Baator was not a kind place to mortals, in any capacity.

Zelinor hated Keryx, being the living embodiment of a great embarrassment yet could not cause harm to her due to the contract she, literally, gave birth to. Yet, Keryx developed a very sharp wit and talent for duplicity and seduction despite the disadvantages of her breeding... skills Zelinor took advantage of to the point Keryx found herself serving as a Justiciar of the Diabolical Courts, when not being utilized as a whore.

To ensure the contract wasn't 'accidentally' broken, Zelinor assigned one of her Cornugons to guard Keryx, with the ulterior intention to test Keryx's ability to charm and seduce. This is how Keryx and Esilith became intimately involved with each other. Keryx seduced her guardian and the two became, madly, enamored with each other.

Through the course of their relationship, Keryx picked up the moniker and stage name 'The Infernal Siren'. With Esilith at her side, the pair wracked up quite the body count. Keryx was so 'in love' with the cornugon, she put herself through horrendous physical trials and torment, such as having her body modified to be the 'perfect' lover and even endured several days within the Pit of Flame (which ruined most of her body and burned away parts of her soul). However, their relationship quickly turned violent when, in a fit of jealous rage, Esilith stabbed Keryx through the heart after learning she was to be 'married' to a another devil.

With her heart rent in half, but alive, Keryx had the brilliant idea to have a variant of an Infernal Engine grafted to her heart; an iron music box that would serve as a spell foci for her infernal bardic work, which solely had relied on her singing voice. Over the course of a year, Keryx wrote a song & performance that came to be known as the 'Song of Ruin' but required the use of her 'music-box heart' to complete the ritual; driving entire armies and cities to ecstatic destruction by instigating orgies and various acts of debauchery until all that were subjected to the song perished, either from sheer exhaustion or violent madness.

The Song of Ruin attracted the interest and attention of the Lords of the Fourth; Archduke Belial and Archduchess Fierna. Keryx served them as, primarily, a saboteur on various fronts of the Blood War as well as other layers of Baator.

At some point, Keryx grew homesick for Faerun and tried to escape, unsuccessfully, several times before entering a contract with Archduchess Fierna to return to the Prime Material Plane... as long as she fulfilled her obligations to create cults and worshippers for Fierna so the Lady of the Fourth could increase her power.

Upon returning to Faerun, Keryx immediately returned to Ny'nahil. Yorilnth, Alioth, Razsamerjur... despite her long absence, Keryx was welcomed home and her family sought to heal what they could of the scars, both physical and mental, that the Nine Hells had left upon her. Keryx struggled to adjust to being a Faerunian, however... and Fierna made her pay for her insubordination.

Archduchess Fierna tormented Keryx with nightmares until the tiefling broke and she attempted to corrupt Ny'nahil. The ritual never finished, as she fled when she realized what she had wrought upon her home.

Adopting the name Hestra while on the road (and rarely ever revealing her surname), Hestra wandered the Sword Coast for a number of years (often carrying out her contractual obligations to Fierna) before starting to settle in Baldur's Gate. She becomes a 'silent partner' with Rizare (a Deeva prostitute turned business owner), wrote and sold plays to theatres around the city and occasionally turnrf sects of the Baldurian aristocracy or common folk to the worship of Fierna.

She further hides her identity by wearing a Ring of Disguise Self that makes her appear more 'normal'; Infernal eyes hidden behind green, tattoos and scarring all smooth flesh

Despite having a string of paramours from all walks of life (though she never physically engaged with anyone, resorting to charm spells to gaslight her 'lovers' into believing otherwise), Hestra staunchly refused to intimately commit to another.

Then the Absolute Crisis happened... Which is where my fan-fic writing tends to focus with this character (with a sprinkling of post-game or AU nonsense).

Hestra was leaving Baldur's Gate, via the Black Dragon Gate, intending to take one of her plays on tour when Absolute Cultists nabbed her and imprisoned her on the Emperor's Nautiloid.

The adventure wasn't all bad, despite being infected by illithid.

Made new friends, saved Faerun and fell (very hard) in love with Lae'zel of Creche K'liir.

And the rest, as they say, is history. I drabbled very long about my Tav, hope you enjoyed. Maybe I'll do more... cause I have a few more Tavs and other OCs.

[fairytales-and-folklore]

Act Five

Opening night finds the Doctor crouching at the bottom of Amy's closet in her wardrobe, mere minutes after the final dress rehearsal has ended, amongst an array of silk and satin dresses, ruffled can-can costumes, and floor-length silken gowns. The moment he hears her enter her dressing room, a masquerade mask, complete with an avian beak and brightly colored peacock feathers, falls atop his head. 

Intrigued, he positions the mask over his face and adjusts its strings, accidentally tangling them into the strands of his hair. As quietly as he can possibly manage, he waits for the perfect moment to strike. Adorably unaware of the Doctor's antics, Amy settles into the cushioned chair at her vanity. She takes the foundation powder brush and sweeps it across the bridge of her nose, sneezing violently as the powder accidentally goes up her nostrils.

"Bless you," the Doctor whispers, without thinking.

Amy bolts up in her chair and stiffens, her eyes searching the corners of her room for the foreign sound. The Doctor claps a hand over his mouth, shaking his head at his stupidity. Amy slowly rises, heavy wooden hairbrush in hand, and creeps over to the wardrobe. 

Her fingertips barely brush the doorknob when, in one swift, graceful motion, the Doctor thrusts open the doors, leaps out into the middle of her room, and throws his hands into the air, shouting nonsense at her. Amy screams and throws her hairbrush at him, which smacks him hard across the shoulder.

"You complete arse! You scared me half to death," she scolds, trying to sound angry and intimidating, but the Doctor catches the tiniest hint of a smile underneath her scowl.

"That was good, though, wasn't it? Come on, admit it. I really scared you that time," he says, his laughter muffled by his absurd mask.

"You look like a cross between a giraffe and a peacock," she giggles.

The Doctor hastily removes the mask, which only serves to ruffle his hair even more, and offers her a cheeky grin. Amy moves toward him, gently cupping his face in her hands and smoothing the strands of his hair back into place. 

She's swathed in champagne silk adorned with delicate diamond sequins and twists of gold, an elegant gown for the finale that's fitted to her every curve. She wraps her arms around his neck, threading her fingers through the tousled tendrils of his hair, and the Doctor has to struggle to keep his head straight as her perfume envelops him. 

Violet. 

Code Violet. 

Aphrodisiac. Ambrosia. Love Potion. Siren Song.

And yet she isn't wearing a single swatch of purple. The one time she's managed to best him in this little game. 

Her laughter vibrates against his skin, and before he can even contemplate the whereabouts of his missing bow tie, she's rushed out the door and bolted down the winding corridor behind the stage. He chases after her, laughing harder than he has in weeks, and catches her around the waist, pinning her to the wall, and pleading for the return of his precious bow tie.

Amy taunts him, brandishing the little red bow tie out of his reach, and with a wicked smile worthy of a minx, she slips it down the front of her dress. The Doctor's eyes grow wide and he swallows thickly, trying his damnedest to keep his eyes level with hers. As the both of them stand there, laughing breathlessly, the impact of the moment settles in, and the Doctor becomes painfully aware of the fact that his lips are a mere whisper from hers. 

The palms of his hands, pressed against the wall of the corridor, are all that's keeping him suspended above her. He expects her to laugh it off and run away from him, but she doesn't. She simply stands there, her eyes alight with a sense of determination that confuses the Doctor beyond all meaning. 

Without warning, she's closed her eyes and leaned in closer, drawing him in with a cascade of wildflowers and memories of home. He knows that he shouldn't. He knows that giving into temptation would alter the course of their history forever. And though he'd rather not admit it, he knows that all of this playful banter of hiding in wardrobes and chasing each other down corridors, of midnight toasts to a never-ending future of mad adventures over glasses of champagne, and all of their secret, nighttime tours of the Moulin Rouge these past few weeks, is wrong. 

Completely, absolutely, and perfectly wrong. 

This isn't the way it was supposed to have happened. He never expected to fall for her. Never expected to meet someone who could capture him so easily, so entirely. Every single cell in his body aches for her. With every fiber of his being, he wishes that he could collapse into her, wrap his arms around her and kiss her properly, take her by the hand and run away with her, live out the rest of her days traveling the stars together. He knows it's impractical, knows in his hearts that she belongs with someone else, that her heart belongs to someone else. And so he forces himself back, thrashing the intimacy of the moment, and instead, tickles Amy senseless. 

She's laughing, tears sliding down her face as she gasps for air, grabbing handfuls of his button-up shirt to push him away and pull him closer all at once. The Doctor lets out a small gasp of pain as the sharp edges of her engagement ring prickle against the skin of his bare chest, cutting wounds far deeper into his hearts than any physical laceration ever could. 

Amy's eyes grow wide, a mumbled string of apologies tumbling out of her mouth as she reaches out to soothe the reddening patch of skin she'd managed to set free when she'd tugged off half his costume's buttons. She falters, hand poised in mid-air as the facets of the solitaire diamond and its slim golden band glint and shimmer in the soft glow of the lights overhead. With a frustrated scowl, she moves to take it off, to stow the offending thing in her pocket and out of sight, but the Doctor stops her, placing his hands atop hers and fixing her with a determined frown.

And then, before he can say anything else, she's twisting away from him, turning down the winding corridor and back into her dressing room to prepare her costume and makeup for the opening scene. In the fleeting seconds before she disappears, she gives the Doctor a look he can't quite comprehend. In that moment, his entire repertoire of languages escapes him, and even the most beautiful of Gallifreyan words could never do her expression justice. It's deeper than sadness and stronger than wistful longing, torn at the seams by shock, relief…and acceptance. For a moment, the Doctor considers the impossible notion that perhaps Amy has wanted this all along, too. 

And then the moment is gone. Amy is gone. 

His hearts fracture as he plasters on a fake smile and slowly makes his way back to his own dressing room.

Tonight is both the very first and the very last live performance of The Courtesan and the Writer. The last night of their counterfeit dalliance. 

After tonight, they'll be off on their next adventure, and he'll never be allowed to be this close to her…to hold her…to kiss her…ever again. 

Eventually, she'll leave him for good. Either she'll tire of him and leave of her own accord, or she'll stay long enough for him to watch her die. That's the trouble with humans and their fragile, finite lifespans. They always leave him, in the end.

In the distance, he hears the roar of the crowd as they begin to chant and cheer.

They're summoned to the stage. 

The curtain rises. 

They assume their roles. 

The show must go on.

• • •

Years later, after a collection of wild, mad adventures with rogue dinosaurs, ghostly sirens on pirate ships, and an underground nightmare maze in a Dalek asylum…after he had watched, helpless, as Amelia Pond had walked willingly into the arms of a weeping angel and been lost to him forever in 1930's Manhattan…the Doctor finds another letter. Not an afterword, or anything professionally printed in the very last pages of a published novel…but a simple, neatly folded, two-page, handwritten letter, tucked into an unassuming, plain white envelope, careworn and yellowing with age, crumpled up amidst the remnants of Amy's old wardrobe.

By this point in time, the TARDIS had gone through quite a few renovations, yet it had still managed to keep Amy's quarters perfectly preserved, exactly as they had been the day she'd left him for good. Curious, the Doctor unfolds the letter, and begins to read. A bittersweet smile chases a cascade of tears that stream down his face as he exhales a tremulous sob, and presses the letter to his hearts. Hands shaking, he withdraws a very old leather-bound journal from out of the breast pocket of his tweed jacket, and tucks Amy's letter inside. There it will stay, perfectly preserved, the most precious memory of them all.

✨ Chapter Masterlist | Fandom Masterlist ✨

The Courtesan and The Writer

Doctor Who » Eleven x Amy

Title: The Courtesan and The Writer

Author: fairytalesandfolklore

Fandom: Doctor Who (Masterlist)

Relationship: The Eleventh Doctor x Amelia Pond

AO3 Rating: Mature (a complete collection of author's notes, inspiration credits, content warnings and tags can be found on AO3)

Summary: The Eleventh Doctor and Amelia Pond travel to 1900's Paris, where they're accidentally cast as star-crossed lovers in a theatrical production at The Moulin Rouge. The trouble is, they're secretly in love with one another off-stage too…and Amy is already engaged to someone else.

"Paris! The city of romance — of music and art! — of fashion! — and, well, positively brilliant baking! The year is 1902, and if I'm not mistaken, it's early autumn," he pauses, licking the tip of his finger and holding it up against the wind. "Look around you, it's the Bohemian Revolution in full stride, celebrating freedom, beauty, truth, and—" The Doctor chokes on his words. Frozen, he watches as Rory plucks one of the roses from the bouquet and uses it to tickle Amy's nose, stomach twisting as she draws him in for a truly spectacular kiss. "Love," he sighs, swallowing a grimace.

Read On AO3 | Read On Tumblr: Act One » Act Two » Act Three » Act Four » Act Five

[soleilnomoon]

nsfw where y/n accidentally eats an aphrodisiac but zoro doesn't understand what's going on and he just wants to train in peace (but in the end he gives in please)

ahh so sorry this took forever, ty ty for your patience 😊💛 i do love disrupting zoro's peace with nonsense & i had fun writing it; i hope you enjoy <3

2.7k words, fem reader (no pronouns), nsfw, 18+, mdni; a bit of angst, there's some fluff if you pretend that zoro not choking her is fluff, smut shenanigans; feat. zoro being a lil mean (he's a petty bitch when he's jealous im sry), reader being dense and pouty and ridiculous, a wild sanji appears! other cute things like: pussy slapping, oral (f receiving), fingering, yk the vibes.

the last thing you remember, is a small, obnoxious voice in the back of your head saying don’t do it; but the thing is, once you’re told not to do something, you feel that much more inclined to see it all through. it’s sound logic in your opinion, one that you employ whenever — and, more importantly, wherever — you can.

except this time around, you fuck up in a slightly irreparable way.

from an outdated catalog, you order what you assume is an herbal tea to help with sea sickness among other various ailments. and while you can’t exactly pronounce or read most of the names on the ingredients list, you assume that it will be remotely harmless. it’s tea, after all. so, imagine your surprise — once the water is boiled, once the bag has been steeped, once the hot liquid settles in your stomach — when it feels like everything has stared to slow down around you. something shifts inside of you, suddenly it feels as if your body’s been transformed into a gelatinous thing, your organs bouncing against one another, your legs nearly give out when you try to stand up.

naturally, you feel a little off.

it starts again with a small itch underneath your skin; no matter what you do, no matter where you scratch, the itch remains — spreading all over your body, making you wholly too sensitive to touch, which is a fucking shame as your crew mates are always touching one another in some way. you’re not exempt from that, although today you do your best to keep your distance, finding it rather difficult to let anyone’s touch linger for longer than a moment. in the middle of the day, during your quest to avoid your crew mates, you run into sanji — or collide more like — and he reaches out to steady you, as if it’s a regular occurrence for him. which, it is, but that’s not the damn point right now.

you’re in the middle of a crisis.

he grips your shoulders firmly, lips set into a straight line as he checks you over; once he’s satisfied, his playfulness comes back. “where are you running off to?” you choke out a small laugh, one that makes you look less panicked and more like your usual self. he has absolutely no idea that you really do need to run away from him, and you maybe feel a little bad that you’re lying to him — however, in your defense, you’re certain that if you don’t find a way to alleviate that bothersome ache in between your legs, you’ll riot. now, normally, that extreme way of thinking would be cause for concern, but given the circumstances, you’ll forgive yourself for this transgression.

sanji raises a brow at the way you can’t seem to stop fidgeting, your snap your fingers quietly, almost as if you’re trying to ground yourself. he’s unsure why you would feel the need to do that, but he doesn’t press the issue. “i haven’t seen you all day.” his words are harmless, you know that, but he carefully drizzles them onto your skin — slow-moving, honeyed, potentially life-ruining — and they bring an inescapable heat to your body. your self-preservation is practically nonexistent right now; and you know that if you’re not careful, you’ll cross a line and may not survive in the end.

you’re sure this must be some punishment for a crime you committed in a previous life, because it makes absolutely no sense why his hands sliding down your arms makes you want to—

“nowhere,” you blurt out suddenly, cheeks deeply flushed as you shimmy out of his hold, “i’ll… talk to you later.” your words are rushed and jumbled, but you’re beyond caring; you work your legs as fast as you can, hoping sanji won’t think to follow after you. if you had better sense, you wouldn’t have drank the tea without properly investigating it first; but you’re foolish, so very, damn foolish.

something hot rolls over you, making it difficult to think straight; without realizing, your feet take you to the very last person you should be around right now.

everyone knows that when zoro’s training, he’s not to be bothered unless absolutely necessary; yet there you are, disrupting his focus. typical. you pop up behind him breathless, throat dry, chest heaving as if you can’t quite catch your breath — everything about you is clumsy and loud, so he sighs when he turns around to face you.

“what is it?”

you blink slowly and absently lick your lips; his question lingers in the air and circles around you — a solemn vulture, ready to tend to the dead. while normally a lush, vibrant place, your mind goes blank. zoro narrows his eye at you and your newfound silence. it’s suspicious, really — you’re a chatterbox, one that he constantly tells to shut up, albeit this is mostly done out of affection from him — so he’s unsure if this is a trick on your part, but he refuses to participate.

“make it quick, i need to get back to training.”

despite knowing that he really does want you to hurry up, you can’t bring yourself to say anything. not out of fear of upsetting him, but because you’re not sure how he’d react to you telling him the truth. clenching your teeth, you consider your options, rocking a bit on your heels as you look around; again, he thinks you’re being strange and refuses to beat around the damn bush any longer.

“spit it out,” he says gruffly, annoyance buzzing around inside of him. he’s trying to remain as patient as he can, but you’re taking too long and if he lets you have your way, he’ll be standing there all day waiting.

“okay, okay,” you squeak, voice lowering as if you’re afraid of someone hearing you, “there’s something wrong with me.” the words tumble out of your mouth faster than you can manage, making you stutter over them, further confusing the thick-skulled swordsman before you. his frown deepens, and he prompts you to repeat yourself. slowly.

it's his turn to blink at you stupidly. “why would you drink it without knowing what it would do—”

you let out a strangled noise, frustration piling onto your chest the more you talk about this. “i get it, i messed up, can you just help me out?” the flush hasn’t left your cheeks if anything it burns so badly that you refuse to keep eye contact. because the longer you stand near him, the more you struggle with keeping your hands to yourself; the longer he looks at you, the more you want him to see all of you. with a sigh, you explain all of the things that happened to you — in detail, since he insisted and you’re too wound up to fight him on it — which leads him to understand that the tea you drank contained an aphrodisiac of sorts.

why else would the idiot cook even seem remotely interesting to you if that wasn’t the case?

it’s not out of jealousy, he tells himself as he places his swords down carefully; but maybe a part of him likes that you came to him instead of anyone else. he refuses to give it a name and won’t think about this any harder than he already has; he has a feeling that if he lets it fester, it’ll turn him into a lovesick fool — like sanji — and there’s no coming back from that.

somewhere in between his sly smiles and teasing comments, zoro’s presses you against the wall, mouth every bit as sinful as it is disrespectful when he drops a playful kiss on your lips. he’s testing the waters — to see how much you can take before you implode; unfortunately, his experiment is short-lived, you’re already pulling him back, annoyed with his games. you almost tell him to fuck off, but you need him — and you refuse to keep on suffering like this by yourself. your lips are on his rather quickly, soft and eager, tongue flicking against his bottom lip before slipping inside of his mouth.

kissing zoro is a risky endeavor; it’s all-consuming, dizzying, and electrifying at the same damn time. if anyone were to ask you what year or century it was, you wouldn’t have an answer for them. not one that makes any sense, at least. when he slips a hand into your shorts, you turn into putty. your panties soaked, arousal clinging to your skin when he pulls the fabric aside. you should feel mortified at the startled cry you let out when he strokes down your slit, fingers thick and rough, hips rolling forward as you try to tell him to hurry it up. he chuckles at your impatience, which only makes him want to tease you more, but he understands that you’re in a precarious situation — one he’s set on solving right away.

“i know,” he says against your ear, goosebumps prancing along your arms when his fingers rub circles on your pussy, “don’t worry, i’ve got you.” you want to ask him what he means by that, but by the time the question forms in your head and travels to your mouth, zoro’s pulled off your shorts and panties before boldly thrusting his fingers inside of you. with trembling legs, you cling onto his shoulders, press your face against his chest as he thrusts his fingers in and out of your tight hole. the moan you let out is loud enough to rouse the dead —which only encourages zoro to pump his thick fingers faster. he enjoys the way you can’t stop whimpering, and the way that you squeeze around his fingers; that level of desperation arouses him, but he ignores the growing bulge in his pants to take care of you first.

something tells you to keep your voice down, but with how fast zoro’s fingers are fucking you, it’s damn near impossible. and when you place a hand over your mouth to silence yourself, he slaps your pussy in retaliation. you stare at him incredulously, stumbling over your words, hating the way your hips bucked from the force of the slap. zoro, in turn, gives you a dark look, one that fizzles out whatever smartass remark you were ready to give him.

you’re not sure what possesses you, but when he thrusts his fingers back inside of your pussy, thumb rubbing firm circles around your throbbing clit, your head spins, making you say something ridiculous. “s-sanji would’ve nev—” he swallows the rest of your words when he kisses you roughly, teeth tugging on your plump lip. his tongue is commanding, stroking yours with such familiarity that you have to remind yourself that this is real. the kiss is more sensual than necessary, making you forget your point altogether. he knows the only reason why you mentioned the cook is to rile him up, and while it did work, he refuses to let any it fuel his jealousy. he has things to do today, after all.

“if you wanted the damn cook so bad, why did you come to me?” his voice is gravelly and husky, a dangerous combination for you given your current state. you want to tell him that you don’t want sanji, that you want him, but you’re also quite childish and petty at the most inconvenient times. you know, you know, you know. you’ll work on it one day. possibly. he doesn’t expect an answer out of you, especially when he drags his tongue down the length of your neck, nipping and biting your soft skin. you know that once he’s through with you, you won’t be able to face the others for a while.

by the time he inserts a third finger, your skin is littered with dark red marks and his hand is coated in your slick arousal; it trickles slowly with some of your wetness spilling onto his wrist. and since he’s so damn chivalrous, he holds you steady as you thrash against him, hips bucking wildly as you moan his name loudly. you’d forgotten that you were committed to keeping quiet, but with zoro you tend to be louder than necessary. he loves it though; his smirk is proof enough. he pulls his fingers away, much to your disappointment; you pout, grab onto his arms, and ask him why. grinning slyly, he tells you to watch your mouth and kneels before you.

zoro grabs your leg and drapes it over his shoulder, his tongue running flat along your slit, giving your pussy a long lick before dipping inside. you thread your fingers through his short, messy hair, grab the strands roughly, moaning louder, breath coming out in shallow puffs as he devours your pussy. you’ve never known zoro to be a messy eater in general, but the way he messily slurps and licks, flicking his tongue against your clit hard, making you tense and shriek. you’re sure everyone’s heard you by now, but you’ve lost the capacity to care — not while zoro’s eating your pussy like it’s the only meal he’ll consume for a long time. he should probably ease up, and almost considers it until he remembers that you brought up sanji and what he wouldn’t or would do with you.

he slips a finger inside of your needy hole as his tongue circles around your clit. you know you won’t last longer at this rate — it’s a miracle you lasted this long anyway — but he starts sucking on your clit hard and you lose the remainder of your sanity. the orgasm claims most of your life, and your voice is incredibly hoarse by the end of it. zoro works you through the orgasm, finger pumping in and out swiftly, his tongue flicking your clit repeatedly, which only prolongs things. your wetness drips onto his chin, some of it landing on the floor. you’re so embarrassed by it all — by the shameless way you rode his face, by how needy he makes you feel without even trying — and you’d hide your face if zoro wasn’t so busy ruining your life.

“zoro,” you say softly, feeling weak but you still manage to yank on his hair hard enough to catch his attention. when he finally does pull back, he takes a breath and licks your arousal from his lips. he knows that sooner or later he’ll have to take care of his erection — it presses against the front of his pants painfully, and it takes everything in him to just walk away from you — but he’s not done training and he’s wasted enough time as is. you know you shouldn’t ask for more, but the desire to seek him out later grows stronger by the minute. you watch him for a moment, admire the broadness of his shoulders, the thickness of his arms, until you remember that you’re half-naked and that anyone can come in and see you like that.

your embarrassment nearly triples as you trip over yourself trying to get dressed again; your hands shake and your legs can barely hold you up, but you can’t let him see just how much he affects you. you whisper a soft, thank you before taking off. you still feel his lips and hands on your body, and you feel like you’re being burned alive. despite finally finding relief, a different ache plagues you, crawls around your lower abdomen and throbs so much that you decide to sleep the rest of the day away.

with his back turned, he can pretend that he’s composed, even though he’s everything but — he knows there’s no way he can go back to training after he had his fingers and mouth in your cunt. if he were the poetic sort, he’d say it was the highlight of his month, but thankfully he’s not. still, it doesn’t stop him from looking over his shoulder, watching the way you scurry off, hips swaying, ass even more appealing the longer he stares at it. when you’re finally out of sight, he lets out a defeated sigh, internally berating himself for getting too carried away. if he had more discipline, he’d have been able to resist you more — or, that’s the lie he’s going to tell himself until he starts believing it.

[kyouxa]

Diabolik lovers: Reiji x Yui

This NSFW scenario has been requested by @diafan4eversakakmaki​​! Thank you for enjoying my fanfics, I didn’t write in forever so I hope you enjoy it regardless! (Feedback etc. as well as requests are obviously welcomed, I’d be happy!)♡

"You have a fever!?" escaped uncontrollably from Yui's lips, as she brought in Reiji's breakfast. Almost angrily he slapped her hand off his forehead, calling it 'utter nonsense'. 

"You know… it's okay if you rest and do nothing, I can do whatever you had planned today! Really, I'd be happy to help you out!" Yui explained with a bright happy smile on her face. While sighing and heavily breathing, Reiji agreed to her request and handed her a list. "I'll bring you your tea before starting with the list, okay?" Yui asked, while putting down the tablet with food on Reiji's bed. Before being able to leave, Reiji grabbed her hand and asked her to bring medicine before starting with the chores. Closing the door behind her, Reiji frowned as if he knew something was going to happen. 

"Nfu~♪, it's rare for anyone to ever leave Reiji's room with such a big smile. What's going on, Bitch-chan?" Laito asked while getting closer to her. Totally caught off guard, Yui tried her best not to make it as obvious as she could. "E-Eh? Ah—! It's nothing. I might just… um… caught a little fever or something like that and Reiji offered to take care of me! And because of that, he needs some medicine!" 

"Medicine? Why would he need some if you're the one having the fever?" putting a smirk on his face, Yui already knew very well she was caught lying. "F-Fine… I need medicine for Reiji-san. He caught a fever and I don't know if we have—" but before being able to finish her sentence, Laito pressed a bottle in her hand. 

"Nfu~, this should work. Just add a bit in his tea and he should be fine a few moments after." he claimed with a dirty smile on his face. Being extremely naive as she is, she accepted the bottle and hurried downstairs to fill in a cup of tea for her lover. 

Satisfied with the result of the tea, she added a few spoons of the substance of the bottle to the tea. "I wonder… will this really help him?" questioning her decisions, she walked upstairs and knocked on Reiji's door. As she finally got the signal to enter, she didn't waste any second. 

While carefully approaching her sick boyfriend, he instantly tried receiving the tea from her hands. After innocently enjoying the tea for a bit, Yui tried getting up from his bed to begin her chores.

Yui's POV

As I tried getting up from his bed, I felt his hand grabbing my arm and pushing me back. “Reiji-san!? What's wrong?” I asked, not understanding the situation I´ve gotten myself into. 

“What did you put in this tea, answer me this instant!” he almost yelled with an angry voice.

“It´s medicine, just like you asked me to! Why are you so--” I tried to reply to him, as I suddenly felt sweat running down my spine. Knowing I made a mistake to trust Laito-kun, I was scared of what I actually put in the cup. But before I could ask any further questions, he got on top of me. Accidentally moaning by the sudden pressure of his body weight, he leaned over to steal a kiss from me. 

As he felt me trying to forcefully push him away, he pulled back. As I tried looking into his eyes, I noticed the sweat running down his red face. Instantly regretting my earlier happiness, he started trailing kisses along my neck as he ripped my shirt off my body. Knowing exactly where this was about to go, I tried my best to resist for the last time before he spoke to me. “Do not push me away, and rather take responsibility for your doing. After all… it is your fault for drugging me with an aphrodisiac.” 

As my eyes widened to his response, I fully understood that all of this was Laito-kun´s plan from the very beginning. The panic I had when he started, now turned into softness and understanding for his situation. “Okay… I will take responsibility.” I answered calmly. 

Only ever being under Reiji-san´s mercy, turned completely normal to me in our sex life. And now… I was supposed to take responsibility for my mistake. As I decided to take over control, he still ordered me exactly what he wanted me to do. Switching positions, I was the one on top, and he was on the bottom for the first time. I took off his pants and underwear, leaving him as naked as asked me to. Clearly I began to get embarrassed over the situation, trying to keep in mind who I´m doing this for. 

“Suck me, Yui” he said under the drug's control, as I began to feel my face turn strawberry red. Not waiting too long, I started off slowly, kitty licking the vein on the bottom of his member then slowly sucking on the tip. He started to complain, but before he could say anything I eventually took him fully in my mouth. He immediately moaned and threw his head back. I started deep-throating him, making sure to graze my teeth over his sensitive tip whenever I came back. 

“Ngh, faster.”

I picked up the pace, bobbing my head and sucking even faster. He moaned out loud, as I felt his cum over my mouth. Before receiving any orders, whether to lick it or not, like he usually does, he flipped us over and turned me around. Making me lay with my stomach down and my ass up, he took off my skirt and the underwear I had underneath. Not even preparing me, he just straight up thrusted into me. I screamed and tears started streaming down my face, as he pulled my head back to kiss me on the lips. 

“The pain will go away sooner than you will realize, you will be fine.” he said soothingly in my ear as he trailed kisses all over my back. Little by little, the pain faded and I eventually started calling out his name. He smirked and started pounding into me relentlessly, hitting my prostate on the first thrust. I screamed and he started going even faster, making me come all over him. Not like this stopped him or the drug from working. 

He lifted my hips up and started going even faster, again making me gasp as orgasm after orgasm came crushing on me. After about seven rounds of sex, I was completely exhausted and laid down, while Reiji was still pounding into me. 

“H-How do you even… have this much amount of stamina?” I tried to ask before he started going even faster again. Slowly losing myself to the pleasure, I eventually gave myself completely to him.

“Nfu… sounds like they're having as much fun as I expected. It's a pity I couldn´t join them directly, maybe next time then.” Laito mumbled to himself as he stepped away from eavesdropping on the door.

[distracteddream]

NEW FIC: “Another Sip Just to Check”

Rated E, Lokius

“We can have a drink while we’re down here.” Famous last words.

Mobius and Loki are on assignment, only to find themselves under the effects of an aphrodisiac. It leads to confessions and a whole lot more.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64390414

[distracteddream]

Accidental aphrodisiac nonsense, anyone? NSFW below cut!

Tight heat encompassed him, reducing Mobius’ universe to the feel of Loki’s lips and tongue and throat working his length. Loki sucked his cock like it was all he’d ever wanted in his life and Mobius’ head spun with it.

this week's word is...

Find the word in any WIP and share the sentence containing it. Reply, reblog, stick it in the tags, tag us in a new post, or keep it private. All fandoms, all ships, all writers welcome.

[antikate]

And now for some snake venom

An entirely ridiculous self-indulgent thing for @summerofspock And the Great British Snake Off. 

Bite The Hand

(4929 words) by Anti_kate

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom:

Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)

Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens), Male OC demon

Additional Tags: Snake venom aphrodisiac, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), Fuck Or Die, angsty sex, fucking while pining, Venom WTIYS, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dubcon, Porn Without Plot, Blow Jobs, Accidental biting

Summary:

It had been someone in hell’s idea of a joke, he suspected, down in the corporation department. Give the tempting snake demon aphrodisiac venom. And yes, he’d used it a few times, back when he’d been new to the world and what he could do in it. But it had been about as subtle as threatening to bash someone over the head with a brick if they didn’t sin, and frankly he thought it was unfair. So he’d just... not bitten anyone. Until now. When he’d accidentally bitten his best friend, and injected him full of venom. Lust venom.

(Yes I have posted two fics today no I don’t know why I guess it feels like the end of the world and I’m trying to get all the nonsense words out before we’re all huddled around oil drums telling each other about our favourite Netflix shows. Anyway! Have some smutty angst if you feel like it!)

[musutofu]

【 Dating Kaminari 】

Kaminari is under the impression that there’s more than enough of him to go around. That there’s nothing wrong with playing his cards until he gets a winning hand. Only he never keeps his cards long enough to get a winning hand. His reputation as a flirt is well known and he’s tried his luck with anyone that’s piqued his interest at least once. It’s all in good fun and nothing really comes of it. With a reputation like his it’s hard for anyone to take Kaminari seriously when he gives them the time of day. So when he actually takes a genuine interest in someone it’s almost impossible to tell.

Capturing his attention for longer than a few days is hard, but to have Kaminari padding after you like a lovesick puppy for more than a week is absolutely unheard of. You can’t even remember what you did to get him to be so consistent with his advances. You’ve always been kind to him, you’d even go so far as to say you’re friends, but this was something else entirely. One day he just suddenly wanted you something bad and everyone had to know. Kaminari himself couldn’t even figure out why he had to have you but he did. That’s not to say he didn’t get distracted every now and again, yet somehow he always came back to you. If he weren’t so liberal with his affection you’d almost think he legitimately cared for you.

It’s hard for Kaminari to prove himself loyal after you’ve seen how he acts around the people he claims to like. Everyone is like a passing fancy to him and for the poor souls that expected it to be something more, they’re left confused as to where they went wrong. Having his attention is like seeing the sun for the first time, but once it’s gone it feels darker than before. And you’re not about to let this playboy mess with your heart like that. There is no hostility in your rejections, but there is finality. A finality that Kaminari refuses to accept. For reasons he can’t explain he only has eyes for you and he isn’t about to take no for an answer.

After a lot of convincing you decide to give Kaminari one, and only one, chance to prove that he could be loyal and treat you as a boyfriend should treat their significant other. And it becomes apparent quite quickly that Kaminari has absolutely no idea what he’s doing when it comes to dating. He’s never made it this far with anyone but he absolutely can’t mess this up. He showers you in compliments and gifts and hopes it’s enough to convince you to stay. But old habits die hard and he eventually slips up.

He is always open and honest with you and even though you weren’t there to see him mess up, Kaminari caught himself in the act and the guilt eats him alive. He knows the consequences of his actions but also knows that you took a chance on him and he blew it. In his mind, he absolutely deserves whatever comes next. You, however surprised, yourself with your reaction. You’d gone into the test run of a relationship not really thinking it was anything serious and expecting to break it off within a few days, but Kaminari had held true to his words for months and instead of being indifferent to his slip up, you were angry. And anger meant passion. Somehow while you were busy not believing Kaminari actually liked you, you’d taken a liking to him.

When you finally made your relationship official without the test run pretense Kaminari was quick to let everyone know that you were completely off limits to absolutely everyone. He’s possessive to a fault and doesn’t want anyone swooping in and taking you from him, especially since he knows all the tricks people could use to woo you away from him. It’s not that he doesn’t trust you, he actually trust you a whole lot more than he trusts himself but he trusts everyone even less than that. If someone even looks at you in a way he doesn’t like they’ll be reminded that you’re off the market with a quick and mostly harmless burst of his Electrification Quirk.

Touchy doesn’t even begin to describe how Kaminari gets when he’s with you. He’s adopted your personal space as his own and doesn’t seem to even notice how close he gets to you whenever you’re around. He unknowingly gravitates towards you until he’s close enough to actually touch you. If you’re standing while he’s sitting he’ll pull you into his lap. If you’re empty handed in his vicinity he’ll thread his fingers through yours. If you’re standing in front of him he’ll rest his head on your shoulder or head. He doesn’t expect you to suddenly shift all your attention to him or really notice at all, it’s just a habit you’ve yet to show him he needs to break.

To Kaminari, laughter is the best aphrodisiac. He’s made it his personal goal to make you laugh at least once a day and has yet to fail. He’s constantly texting you funny things he found while scrolling through his social media or relaying stories about something particularly comical that happened during his day. His jokes or anecdotes no matter how corny or situationally funny never fail to make even your worst days that much more bearable. With enough convincing he might even play a prank on you, but only once in a blue moon and only if the rest of his friends are willing to share the blame for instigating.

He may not be the most intelligent on paper, but Kaminari is smart in his own way. It’s more street smarts than book smarts, although he seems to know something about everything. Some days he’ll start in on a subject he’s particularly interested in at the moment and ramble on to you about it in his way that makes the most full subjects seem interesting. He always feels embarrassed after his long rants, apologizing for boring you with his nonsense and being uncharacteristically quiet for a while afterwards. No matter how many times you reassure him that his long tirades about music of art are just as interesting to you as they are to him. It’s easiest to encourage him when he starts in on a topic both of you are equally interested in. If that’s the case you two could talk for hours without noticing.

After a particularly exhausting day, or accidentally overshooting his Quirk abilities, Kaminari likes to cuddle up to you while he charges. It had started after he went dumb for the umpteenth time and it was too much of a hassle to get him off you after he made himself comfortable. Now he purposely comes to find you when he needs to charge or just when he wants to nap. If he’s lucid he’ll make a joke about holding his whole world in his arms even if he’s seconds away from passing out. Conversely, if Kaminari ever notices that you look particularly lethargic he’ll pull you on top of him to return the favor of being a body pillow.

There’s an entire folder on his phone dedicated to pictures of you. Most are candids you hadn’t even noticed he’d taken, some are of you catching him in the act of snapping the photo, a few are of the two of you together, and all of them bring a smile to his face. He likes knowing that he can see your smile even if it’s not in person. His phone backgrounds are always pictures of you. As requested his lock screen is always a flattering photo seeing as you were so up in arms about people seeing pictures of you that weren’t up to your standards. Kaminari hadn’t gotten the fuss as he thinks every picture of you is beautiful but he complied nonetheless. Now only a handful of people with his password get to see his “less attractive” background.

He bought you a necklace with a single lightning bolt charm very early in your relationship. He’d intended it to be another one of his courting presents but decided it was probably too early to give you something that so obviously symbolizes him. He saved it until later in your relationship and gave it to you on a special occasion. Now it’s hard to see you without it around your neck, even if you’re angry with him. To Kaminari it’s a symbol of all the struggles he went through to be able to call you his and for people to believe he doesn’t mean it as a flavor of the week sort of deal. It reminds him that that you accepting his confession was a choice, just as you wearing the necklace is and he works everyday to make sure you never regret it.

Kaminari was afraid to say I love you at first. He’d fallen so far down the rabbit hole of being a flirt that he was afraid you’d discount his words as something he’s said to plenty of people before you without actually meaning it. But once the two of you make it past that awkward phase of your relationship, he starts to say it more often. It’s still not a common occurrence, but he says it when he thinks it’s needed. Like after a particularly bad day or a strenuous fight. Because he needs you to know that even if it isn’t always sunshine and blue skies he’s willing to stay by your side and work for the love he had to earn.

[hope-for-olicity]

Fabulous Olicity Fanfic Friday - March 29th, 2019

Happy Friday! So this is my attempt to both thank awesome fanfic writers for their amazing work and offer my recommendations to anyone who is interested. Here are the fantastic fanfic stories I read this week! They are posted in the order I read them. This and all previous Fabulous Olicity Fanfic posts can be found on my blog.

Run to the Water multi-chapter Complete by @someonesaidcake - The year is 1912, Oliver was 9 and far too old to be babysitting that nonsensical girl Felicity whose parents owned the cattle ranch where his parents worked and lived, but she won him over with oat and raisin biscuits and soon became his little blonde sidekick...with a completely unrequited crush on him. Years later she returns from boarding school and more than bush fires ignite in the changing times.... https://archiveofourown.org/works/7455738/chapters/16942293

Re-Airrow 2x23 by @lostolicityscenes - Holy Smoaks! Here we are at the finale. This was another fast paced and tightly plotted episode with so many epic Olicity moments. But, one thing I still wonder about is how much Felicity knew going into the mansion. She seems genuinely shocked when Oliver says I love you, yet later in the episode Oliver replies “we both did” when she says “you really sold it.” So I wrote this sort of AU that casts that first scene in a different light. I think he meant to say it, but realized how much he MEANT IT in the moment. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed Season 2 of Re-Airrow. https://lostolicityscenes.tumblr.com/post/183631815031/re-airrow-2x23

Will Fate Allow? multi-chapter WIP by @mindramblingsfics - Seeing her parent's marriage dissolve at a young age made Felicity yearn for a healthy marriage of her own. She thought she'd finally found what she was looking for when Billy Malone showed up offering her what her heart desired. She thought she was happy and had everything she could want, but things began to unravel. Slowly she turned to someone who had become an unparalleled constant in her life...Oliver Queen. Oliver and Felicity are the definition of polar opposites. He is the mob boss that strikes fear in the hearts many, while she is seen as the sweet girl next door, but there is more to both of them underneath the surface. Along the way, they become connected to one another leading to their lives being intertwined forever. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16521596/chapters/38699951

Not My Dog by @sentence-fragments - Oliver lost his dog. https://archiveofourown.org/works/8298470

Hey Baby, I Think I Wanna Marry You by @felicityollies - prompt: impaired judgement - After a night of drinking and laced brownies, Oliver and Felicity find themselves fooling around. What they didn’t expect was for one of them to propose marriage. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11034534/chapters/26572173

It Takes Two by @mogirl97 - When Oliver Queen finds himself short of a partner for his upcoming Crossfit competition, he resigns himself to having to drop out... until he walks in on a blonde stranger in the gym and has a change of heart (in more ways than one) https://archiveofourown.org/works/11788236

Forgotten Treasures by @muslimsmoak - Oliver and William are trying to find their way with each other and it doesn’t help Oliver when he finds will’s green arrow action figure thrown in the garbage. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11806263

Impaired Judgement by @wetsuiton - Felicity takes a bullet for Dinah and gets super cute and loopy on the pain meds https://archiveofourown.org/works/11084547/chapters/26651937

The One Where Drunk Felicity Checks an Item Off Her Bucket List by @wrldtravler - With the help of a little liquid courage, Felicity finally attempts to check off the most unthinkable item on her bucket list with a little help from the Hood. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11819325

The Fan multi-chapter WIP by @leuska - For the past couple of months, Felicity Smoak, previous child star known to the world through her alter ego Lisy the Tech Whiz, who ended her career and her growing popularity at the age of thirteen rather abruptly, has sporadically received disturbing notes and gifts in her mail. Police believe the notes to be just little tokens of appreciation by a former fan. Despite having left the spotlight over a decade ago and living in anonymity since, the fan mail keeps coming, increasing in frequency as well as intensity. The last drop is when Felicity receives another letter with a love note. A scary, ominous note. A note written in human blood.FBI director Amanda Waller tasks her best Agent to the case. Oliver Queen, a criminal profiler, is currently working on a special task force formed between SCPD and FBI to catch a man dubbed the Start City Slasher, who has murdered at least three young women in the past nine months. Agent Queen is not thrilled with the prospect of holding a former princess’ hand through her problem with a simple stalker while a serial killer is still at large. However, once meeting her, Oliver finds there is nothing easy or simple about Felicity Smoak as their worlds start to intertwine. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17726573/chapters/41820368

Do You Remember multi-chapter WIP by @smkkbert - Eight years after Oliver and Felicity became teenage parents, they have everything they could have ever hoped for and more. They have a good life in a nice house. Their marriage is happy, and a second baby is on its way. The calm they have settled in is interrupted abruptly when a stalker starts terrorizing Felicity. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17409059/chapters/40978307

Impaired Judgement by @cruzrogue - John Diggle is out of it by an aphrodisiac truth drug and its awkward field mission. He tells Felicity how he appreciated her and then it leads to how he thinks she is very beautiful and sexy and how he tried to control himself in the beginning before Oliver got a clue and they were just friends. When Oliver shows up Diggle needs his help too. John has no clue what was said. Oliver and Felicity promise to never tell him. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11806272

What's Yours is Mine by @laxit21 - This is some pure, unapologetic fluff. I’m not sorry. https://laxit21.tumblr.com/post/183633727946/whats-yours-is-mine

PrepPy GoThic LoVe multi-chapter WIP by @cruzrogue - New Freshman at MIT, Felicity wants to party and she meets another drunken party guest Oliver and they hit it off. Not really thinking of consequences have a wonderful time together. Oliver been to two different schools and this one he finally wants to do better because of a beacon of hope that rubbed off on him with just one night a passionate gothic girl changes him for the better. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11805543/chapters/26631204

From Somewhere Within multi-chapter WIP by @smoaking-greenarrow - Their connection has always felt natural to them, safe and secure. But others tend to fear what they don’t understand, and as far as their enemies are concerned, the world isn’t ready to accept two people who can know each other the way that Oliver and Felicity do. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16009244/chapters/37356257

To Sacrifice the Sun multi-chapter WIP by @emmilynestill - Oliver and Felicity are ARGUS agents working on a mission in Mexico, the two share some very important history. http://archiveofourown.org/works/7510744/chapters/22505918

One Night multi-chapter WIP by @suttons-brady - Felicity paces back and forth in her bathroom, fingers playing with each other in front of her stomach and her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. How the hell did she get here? She prides herself on being smart -- on being a genius, actually. Hell, she skipped eighth grade! So how in the hell had she ended up here, burning a hole in the floor of her bathroom, waiting for a flimsy plastic stick to tell her if her life is over? http://archiveofourown.org/works/11076792/chapters/24706029

Providence multi-chapter WIP by @so-caffeinated - Will Queen has struggled in silence in the year since he was shot. But when a shadowy crime lord known as Domino targets the only woman Will’s ever truly loved, fate forces him to confront his demons in ways he never could have imagined… Whether he wants to or not. Amelia Prescott has fought to take control of her life since learning two years ago that her personal and professional worlds were manipulated by others. But nothing can prepare her for just how hard she'll have to fight to set her own course, especially when her heart belongs to a damaged man and a crime lord threatens her every professional move... And her life. Destiny brings them together, but as chaos reigns and personal demons haunt Will and Amelia both, it may also threaten to tear them apart. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17919056/chapters/42308753

Love and Little Cupcakes multi-chapter WIP by @christinabeggs - Felicity loved sweets so much that she paid no attention to her lovelife. Until Thea Queen came into her store wanting fabulous cupcakes for her sixteenth birthday. SO ADORABLE! http://archiveofourown.org/works/12400539/chapters/28216053

I Regret Nothing by somewhereelse Season 2 Missing Scene/AU. Drunk! Oliver is sassy. Sober! Felicity is over it. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11823810

Wait, Did I Already Do That? by @laureningall - Thea is a woman on a mission. She wants to take Felicity out for a ‘belated bachelorette party’. Needless to say, a busy day leads to impaired judgment and some unintended consequences for Felicity during her night out on the town with the girls. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11837235

seemingly impossible (but not untrue) multi-chapter WIP by @alexiablackbriar13 - Young genius historian Dr Felicity Smoak unknowingly and accidentally calls up a bewitched alchemical manuscript within the Oxford Bodleian Libraries - a book that has been lost for centuries. Descended from an old and distinguished line of witches, Felicity wants nothing to do with magic, despite her unruly and powerful abilities. But her discovery of Ashmole 782 sets the world of creatures stirring; with a mystery afoot and new, dangerous magical abilities manifesting for her to navigate, she is approached by the enigmatic vampire biochemist Professor Oliver Queen, who seems to have a deep interest in both the manuscript… and her. Based on A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16224353/chapters/37923743  

2 + 2 Equals a Family multi-chapter Complete by @mogirl97 - When Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak both reach for the last Lego Batman set on the shelf at the same time one December night while holiday present shopping for their kids, they have no idea that their chance encounter is going to change their lives. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11853030/chapters/26760468

With the Speed of an Arrow multi-chapter WIP by @academyofshipping - Oliver Queen’s elite and silver-spoon life has taken some blows in the past few years, but he is still the carefree billionaire everyone knows of and loves. When his role in the family business is in jeopardy and he is introduced to a motley of new people, his status quo is threatened. With a changed perspective, Oliver realizes his feeling for his best friend and anchor-in-life, Felicity Smoak, may be more than just platonic. OR A modern adaption of Jane Austen’s Emma with a gender swap* and no island. *Knowing that gender is not binary https://archiveofourown.org/works/16559846/chapters/38799857

The Proposal multi-chapter WIP by @spaztronautwriter - When Felicity Smoak finds herself in a bind, she enlists the help of her assistant Oliver Dearden to help keep her from being deported and losing her job. The problem is, in order to do so, they kind of have to get married... http://archiveofourown.org/works/13727445/chapters/31538406

Overwatch multi-chapter WIP by @it-was-a-red-heeler - A burglary attempt convinces the Mayor of Starling City to hire Smoak Technologies to strengthen his security. But between the sassy AI watching him 24/7 and the personal trainer with his own reasons to kill him, Oliver may wish he’d stuck with his baseball bat for protection. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17500640/chapters/41221793

// @emmaamelia95 // @mel-loves-all // @oliverfel4 // @green-arrows-of-karamel // @coal000 // @miriam1779 // @memcjo// @captainolicitysbedroom // @tdgal1 // @spaztronautwriter // @lalawo1// @quiveringbunny // @wrongshipper // @thebookjumper // @vaelisamaza // @myhauntedblacksoul // @lovelycssefan // @laurabelle2930 // 

[hinduthatrecallsallincarnations]

After Salem is defeated (Red vs Blue, S15, E5):

Ozpin/Oscar: "Why don't we start with a simple question?" Lisa Lavender: "Nuhuh. We just risked our lives coming from continent to continent and our careers for answers. Our questions first." Raven: leans back in her chair "What do you want?" Lisa L.: "We want to know what happened after your supposed defeat of Salem." Jaune: sighs exasperatedly "Lots of bullshit. I don't even know where the fuck to start." Yang: "Is this before or after we turned off the Temple. Because if it's before, this is gonna get NSFW real quick." Weiss and Blake: "WE PROMISED NOT TO TALK ABOUT THAT!" looks at each other, then looks away sheepishly with a blush Lisa: confused "Wait, what Temple?" Qrow: "So, Salem had a bunch of these Temple tower things surrounding her personal tower, and each one did a different thing. The Temple they're talking about is the Temple of Procreation." Ozpin/Oscar: "It was meant to be a sort of failsafe should she succeed in subjugating the planet. This way, she could raise the humans in her image - quickly, too. It was..." looks around awkwardly "...effective." Jaune: happy "Oh, yeah. After we killed Salem, we partied fuckin' hard!" Yang: pleased "Y'all keep saying that! It all felt normal to me!" Raven: "You were a virgin before the events at Salem's base of operations." Yang: sharply looks at her "YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!" Raven: smugly opens small portal, and sticks her finger in it Yang: blushing, swats away finger floating next to her Raven: quietly retracts finger and deactivates portal Nora: "Oh, and these two" points at Weiss and Blake "are just mad because we locked them in a closet together." Weiss and Blake: looks at her "SHUT UP!" Blake: "And put on some fucking clothes!" Lisa's Cameraman: "Why is she naked?" Lisa: annoyed "That's your first question??" in realization "Ah, that must be why the planet was in an aphrodisiac-like frenzy for a little while." Weiss: sharply "THE SUBJECT!" Blake: sharply "CHANGE IT!" Raven: "To actually answer your question, after the events with Salem, we decided we all needed some R&R." Qrow: "We fuckin' earned it. Even Ozpin agreed!" Ozpin/Oscar: "I decided that if I'm going to have one last life, I may as well make it a normal one." Jaune: "No more adventures? Fuck yeah, I was on board! I'm tired of running around doing the adults' job!" Ozpin, Qrow, Raven: pointedly looks at him Jaune: purposefully ignores them Blake: "Ozpin told us of this isolated island and set us up here. There was an old left here and we cleaned it up." Ruby: "Everyone acclimated to the peace in different ways." points at Yang "Some of us were naturals." Yang: smug "Don't hate the player." Ruby: "Mom got hopelessly depressed after not dying heroically to Salem to prevent having to deal with Uncle Qrow." Raven: indignant immediately "LIES! SLANDER!" Ruby: "But, you said-" flashback Raven: "I am now hopelessly depressed after not dying heroically to Salem to prevent having to deal with my dumbass of a brother.'   end flashback Jaune: "Mrs Branwen wasn't the only one having a hard time adjusting to inaction." Everyone: turns to Weiss Weiss: annoyed "What?" Ozpin/Oscar: amused "Fortunately, we found a tutor." flashback Weiss: "Help me, Yang. Help me to be the laziest." Yang: sitting comfortably on the ground, mock nirvana pose "You are not ready, grasshopper." Weiss: snaps "WHAT THE FU" end flashback Raven: "It...didn't go well..." Blake: "Turns out, this island had some native life forms never found before, but...they weren't the nicest." flashback Weiss, Blake, Yang: running the fuck away from a growling noise Yang: "RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" Blake: "I CAN'T DIE AS FOOD! OOOOOH, THE IRONY!" end flashback Ren: "While we were debating whether or not dying as food was ironic" turns to Nora "Nora made friends with them." Yang: "Because of course she fucking did." flashback Nora: stands proudly on top of gigantic monster, petting it "Oh, who's a good girl?! Who's a good girl?!" Raven: shouts up "Corgis are better!" Ren: "Nora! Get down from there!" Weiss: "Tell it to fight me!" end flashback Weiss: angrily "And then Blake somehow burnt down our only forms of nearly modern shelter!" Blake: "Okay, first of all, lube isn't normally flammable! And B, it was just a simple mishap of dropping the entire bottle on top of my fish scented candles!" Ruby: "You were trying to shove the candles up your ass!" Blake: "YOU CAN'T PROVE THAT!" Jaune: "And since eighty percent of our rations burnt down with our forts, fatass over here" gestures to Ruby "decided to eat some native mushrooms that deceptively looked like cookies." flashback Ruby: walks up to some mushroom cookie looking things "Hello, sexy." a moment later Ruby: running around everyone in slow motion end flashback Blake: "After debating long enough, we figured that they somehow reversed the effect of Semblances, so Qrow ate some." Qrow: annoyed "Turns out, they don't." Everyone: silently staring at him Qrow: narrows eyes "I'm not explaining what happened." Raven: "He was sent to another dimension." flashback Qrow: in a dark place, alone, echoing words "Hello?" end flashback Ozpin/Oscar: almost laughter "I told them afterwards that it actually increased the potency of their Semblances by 5,600%." Nora: "Oh! And while everyone was arguing on how Ruby's Semblance increased in potency by going slower, we formed the best band ever!" Ruby: "NORA! CLOTHES!" Nora: "Sheesh! Alright!" leaves room Qrow: leans forward excitedly "Oh, yeah! And we even got Raven to sing!" Raven: blushes, looks away "Oh, God." Weiss: honestly "She can sing very well! We sang many duets!" Yang: "Turned out, my mom was an old k-pop singer during her time at Beacon!" Lisa: "How did you convince her to tell you that?" Blake: "We didn't. Oscar suggested it." Ruby: "Ugh. While that awesomeness was happening, Nora somehow built an entire robotic army to invade the area just so we would have something to fight - since Grimm weren't in the area." Jaune: "But they malfunctioned, so they started fighting the wildlife instead!" flashback Everyone: staring at the vibrant display in complete and utter silence Ozpin/Oscar: "I have seen many amazing things in my life. But this...this takes the fucking cake." end flashback Blake: "It was the first we'd ever heard the professor swear, too, so that just tells you how crazy it was." Yang: almost laughter "And then Raven convinced Qrow that Ozpin fucked the first Maidens." Qrow: "Hey! It was to be expected!" Raven: grossed out "That ain't happening." Ozpin/Oscar: "I wasn't inviting." Jaune: "Nora found a new enemy. One that would keep her occupied for the rest of our time here." flashback Nora: "FOR FAR TOO LONG, WE HAVE BEEN OPPRESSED! CRUSHED UNDER THE WEIGHT OF OURSELVES! IF WE DON'T START STANDING UP TO OUR MORTAL FOE, GRAVITY, THEN WHO WILL?!" nearby Oscar/Ozpin: "Are we really going to let them do this?" Qrow: "What the kid said." Raven: amused "Why not see where it goes?" later Nora: "CHAAARRRRGGGEEEE!" Raven: drives everyone into the ocean end flashback Nora: glares at Raven Raven: unperturbed "I told you I couldn't drive." Jaune: annoyed "But that just meant that team RWBY both had the tactical advantage in amount of people and equipment." flashback Nora: "Gentlemen, we simply cannot allow team RWBY to have superiority over us! WE MUST TAKE THE FIGHT TO THEM!" Jaune: "Oh, Remnant Christ." end flashback Blake: "It made us realize that this whole Team RWBYNPR thing wasn't going to work, so we attempted trying to use forms of government to decide the leader..." Ozpin/Oscar: "Oh. Qrow, Raven, and I weren't there, actually. Did it go well?" RWBYNPR: looks at each other flashback Yang: "I vote Anarchy." Blake: sharp sigh "You can't vote Anarchy, you dumbass." Nora: "MONARCHY!" flexes with Magnhild in hand "The one wielding the gigantic hammer is worthy!" Weiss: "Plutocracy." Yang: "Huh?" Blake: sighs Plutocracy is a form of government where it is indebted to and/or controlled by the rich. It can transform any other kind of government into a plutocratic version of itself if the rich come to power." Ruby: "Technocracy." Yang: "What?" Blake: sighs "Technocracy is a form of government where those of knowledge - like weapon engineers, for example - would lead the government in lieu of politicians and businessmen." Yang: "Oh!" Ren: "Timocracy." Yang: "Not to sound like a broken record, buuuuu-" Blake: sighs "Rule by the worthy." Jaune: "Patriarchy." Yang: looks at Blake "That's obvious." Nora: "OOO! I know! How about Malarkey?!" Blake: "Nora, that's actually not a form of government. It just means meaningless talk and nonsense." Everyone: silently stares at one another   end flashback   Blake: looks at Ozpin/Oscar "Malarkey won." Nora: comes back "Oh, yeah. Everyone thought I was dead just because they couldn't find me." Raven: "Turns out, she was just..." trips over words a bit "...sk-skinny dipping." Blake: "And then Ruby, out of a prank, decided to spike my meal with some of her damn mushrookies!" Yang: in bliss "I'm so proud of her!" flashback Blake: randomly teleporting "HO" snap "LY" snap "FUCK" snap "ING" snap "SHIT!" Nora: in the distance "Has anyone seen my tanning oil?! I accidentally put on some of Blake's lube instead!" Ren: "NORA! CLOTHES! We have guests!" Raven: crashes vehicle "I CAN'T FUCKING GET IT!" end flashback Blake: "So...here we are." Jaune: "It's been awful!" lamenting "Instead of a peaceful retirement, it's just the SAME damn SHIT, with the SAME DAMN PEOPLE!"

[johnsonandcoulson]

Here you have the list of prompts! We put together all your great submissions plus a bunch of nonsense we came up with, so hopefully it’ll manage to get the Cousy creative juices flowing~

As we mentioned, feel free to grab any prompt, or a bunch, or all of them, mix them up as you wish and write/make something with them. We’re planning to keep this going for all of August, so if at any point you want to send us some more prompts, please do! We’ll just post the ask under this tag.

Please remember to tag your posts as #cousyinspace (plus any other pertinent tag of course) so we can reblog your amazing work! The prompts are under the read more, so go ahead and bookmark, like and/or reblog this post for your convenience. THANKS SO MUCH, AND HAVE FUN! ♥ ♥ ♥

bureaucracies are the same everywhere in the galaxy (and we know how Daisy feels about those)

accidentally space married

Daisy and Phil steal a spaceship!!

universal library (for our darling space nerds)

Trapped in escape pod

Space Oddity by David Bowie

Coulson can find Daisy because of their "connection"

virtual market

Space Gladiator Quake!

Daisy tells Coulson about the time she dreamed about the two of them being the last people on Earth

weightless

Safehouse on Dark side of the moon

A Spaceman Came Travelling

Daisy and Phil find out more about Daisy's Inhuman origins while in space. Maybe they encounter some Kree?

Space station

After coming back from space our duo reminisce while looking at the starry sky while sitting in Lola, bonus Daisy tries to impress Coulson with her space knowledge

meeting telepath/empath aliens who reveal too much

Coulson as a damsel space princess who gets Sleeping Beautied or Rapunzeled etc and needs to be rescued

room escape (space version)

Phillip Coulson, A Princess Of Mars 

Coulson seduces Daisy no gravity a bonus

Ground Control by All Time Low

Daisy and Coulson are sent to retrieve an object from an alien "Forbidden Zone"

Space prison break

Daisy joking about 'Boldly Going' with Coulson

alien beach

One catching other eating cake in space

Daisy & Phil dress up as Han Solo and gold bikini Leia respectively :)

space pirates

tides in the universe

awkward decontamination shower moment leads to not-so-awkward making out

An alien (Inhuman?) prince wants to marry Daisy for diplomatic reasons. Daisy seems to consider it seriously (it's not like she's ever getting married or finding love anyway). Coulson feels conflicted ;P

"ships that pass in the night"

Walking on the Mood by The Police

stranded

"who knew so many space foods were human aphrodisiacs?"

interspecies romance

Star Wars references

Daisy as a foretold chosen one princess who rejects royalty and teams up with the locals to bring down space fascists

space walk

Proving to each other they arent Skrulls

stars

Getting back to Earth is going to cost some money. Daisy finally gets to tick "robbing a casino" off her list - a casino in space! 

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GISHWHES Pregnancy Advice

Item #181: Let’s see a (SFW) 2,000 word essay published on twitter in 140 character bursts. (no attachments, etc.) about the best way to get pregnant for the 10th time. (I’m sorry, but I promised someone this would be an item.)

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So you want to have another baby. Splendid! Most people stop after six or seven, but you my friend are not most people. Not content with enough kids to merely fill a baseball team, you're kicking it up a notch and having enough to use as pins in ten-pin bowling! (Note: actually throwing bowling balls at your children is frowned upon, and is illegal in many jurisdictions.)

Trying to conceive for a tenth time has many unique challenges that you may not have faced during your first nine pregnancies. But heed this friendly advice, and you'll be well on your way to welcoming a bouncing bundle of joy. Again.

First, a few considerations for before you start trying to become pregnant. Before you start your attempt for number ten, it's very important that you discontinue using birth control. While it's true that some people manage to conceive despite using birth control, it's an enormous hindrance in the vast number of cases.

Now is a good time to start taking a folic acid dietary supplement to help prevent neural tube defects in your future baby. This does not apply to all acids, however. Practice extreme caution in ingesting acids, and only consume the ones which are healthy dietary substances. Amino acids are recommended for daily consumption. Hydroxylic acid is highly beneficial and should be drank as necessary to remain hydrated. Hydrochloric acid and sulfuric acid, on the other hand, are extremely dangerous and should under no circumstances by consumed by anyone trying to become pregnant, or anyone trying to remain alive.

Be sure to choose an OBGYN you feel comfortable with, as this will become an important relationship through your pregnancy. You will see your OBGYN very often to ensure that you and your growing child are healthy.

Let's review some of the basics that apply to conceiving any pregnancy, not just the double-digits attempts. As with your previous pregnancies, this one will begin shortly after you and your partner do a little mattress mambo together. Your body will not spontaneously become pregnant without your partner's cooperation: a pregnancy always requires a contribution from both parents, whether it's the first or the fiftieth.

A few simple considerations can help your partner maximize his “contribution” (so to speak). First, he should be wearing boxer shorts instead of briefs. Sperm develop best at a temperature slightly lower than body temperature, which is why the testicles dangle slightly away from the rest of the body in the first place. Scrunching them right up next to the body, therefore, kind of defeats the purpose of this little evolutionary strategy. Similarly, he should avoid hot tubs, saunas, and other scenarios that would expose his little swimmers to unusually high levels of heat. Also, you may want your partner to temporarily change his diet if he happens to be in the habit of eating copious amounts of soy products, because the phytoestrogens in soy can interfere with sperm production. Assure him that he can go back to scarfing down tofu and edamame after you successfully conceive baby number ten. He doesn't need to avoid soy for the duration of the pregnancy, just for the process of initiating it.

When you're scheduling your evening (or morning, or midday) activities for the week, keep in mind that you don't need to do the deed every single day. Sperm can live for several days inside your reproductive tract, so getting it on every two or three days is sufficient. If you prefer more often then by all means have at it, but don't feel bad about going out to a movie instead from time to time.

Generally, the best time to conceive is at the midpoint between one menstrual period and the next, but cycles are not always regular so there is no guarantee at any point of the cycle. Women have even become pregnant from doing the nasty during their menstrual period! Some guides will say that the best day to conceive is fourteen days after the last menstrual period, but knowing your own body is more reliable than trying to follow one-size-fits-all “rules”.

Most women do not need to carefully track their ovulation in order to get pregnant, but if you're having difficulty or want the piece of mind, there are tests to tell you when you're ovulating. These tests use hormones in your urine (much like pregnancy tests) to determine when you're ovulating. Some women also track their basal body temperature, looking for a slight increase that indicates ovulation has occurred.

But what about couples who are using in-vitro fertilization? Well in that case, your embryo may well be ready and waiting for you already! In many cases, IVF produces more embryos than are ultimately used. So if you used IVF for your previous pregnancies, there's a good chance that you have extra embryos in cold storage, which just need to be thawed out and transferred into your uterus. If not though, or if this is your first time using IVF, you'll have to make more. This is decidedly less fun than making them the unassisted way, but the end result will be the same: your tenth adorable little munchkin.

So those are the ways in which conceiving your tenth pregnancy are the same as the previous nine. But what about how the double-digits differ? It's a little known fact that there are, in fact, a great many differences between the first nine pregnancies and the subsequent ones.

One aspect that becomes very important from the tenth pregnancy onward is position. No, none of that “man on top for a boy, woman on top for a girl” nonsense. That's purely an old wives' tale. The positions that aid in conception are decidedly more acrobatic in nature than what you may be used to. Try doing the deed while balancing on a high wire, or while swinging from a flying trapeze. The more adventurous among you may wish to incorporate other circus elements into your lovemaking routine. Get jiggy with it atop a trained elephant. Have a friend throw knives at you while you're in the act (assuming your friend is a highly trained knife-thrower, that is). If you want to get really freaky, invite several friends to join you inside a clown car. The atmosphere of childlike wonder that a circus instills will surely give you an edge in creating another child wonder of your very own.

Naturally, it can be difficult to get in the mood when you've spent all day chasing around your first nine kids. Wiping runny noses and washing jam-covered hands are hardly aphrodisiacs. After a long day of potty-training your toddler and a long evening of helping the grade-schoolers with their homework, it's understandable that you may not have much interest in doing the horizontal mambo. But fear not, for there are a plentitude of ways to spice things up in the bedroom! While your partner is tucking the last of the ankle-biters into bed, try browsing the internet for some erotic fanfiction starring your favorite fictional characters. No matter what fandoms you're into, there's guaranteed to be some nice filthy smut out there to get your engine revving. You can even take things further by cosplaying the characters and acting out your favorite scenes. Don't worry if you've never cosplayed before. It can be as simple as putting on a flannel shirt or a trench coat!

A word or caution, however, about food-based aphrodisiacs. While you may be tempted to serve nothing but oysters and asparagus, this is counter-indicated in efforts to have a tenth baby or beyond. Make no mistake, they are still as effective as ever. But that's exactly the problem: the last thing you need right now is to accidentally encourage your teenagers to hop into bed with their high school sweethearts. You're trying to make your tenth child, not your first grandchild! So reserve the sexy-making foods for date night, and keep them off of the dinner table the rest of the week.

Another aspect that is more important than it was for previous pregnancies is the location where you try to conceive. The bedroom may have served you well up until now, but it has reached the point of diminishing returns. Your reproductive tract is getting bored, frankly, and needs some variety to kick-start it back into action. This is the perfect time to add some excitement back into your love life. Take a romantic vacation to Venice and bribe a gondolier to let you make private use of his boat. Alternatively, go to Paris and bribe a night guard at the Louvre to let you do the deed under the watchful eye of the Venus de Milo. Or stay closer to home and get frisky in the ferris wheel while the kids ride the carousel below. For the hardcore adrenaline junkies out there, sneak into your local zoo after hours to knock boots in the tiger enclosure.

An additional element of the surrounding environment that can have an effect on your odds of conceiving is the soundtrack. It is said that listening to Mozart can enhance a baby's brain power, and the same goes for sperm. Classical music helps sperm to swim faster and in the right direction. You'd be shocked at how many sperm make a wrong turn after conventional intercourse, and end up in the spleen or left brachial plexus instead of finding their way to the fallopian tube where the egg is lurking, waiting to reel them in. Therefore, to maximize your chances of conception, consider hiring a string quartet to perform for twenty to thirty minutes after coitus. If it's out of your budget to hire a live string quartet to play Mozart, blasting “Rock Me Amadeus” by Falco on loop is an acceptable alternative.

Seeing any rabbits hop through your back yard is an auspicious sign, given their prodigious breeding rate. If they linger before moving along, feel free to ask them for advice in growing your own litter. Approach slowly, holding out offerings of carrots and alfalfa, and be extra careful to be respectful at all times. It's a little known fact that rabbits get their immense fertility by siphoning off bits of fertility from other animals, and if you upset the rabbit it may decide to punish you by stealing a heaping portion of yours. On the other hand, if your heart is pure and your offerings are worthy, the rabbit may bless you by sharing a portion of its own fertility instead.

If all else fails, don't be afraid to turn to witchcraft. Once relegated to the fringes, witchcraft is gaining more and more popularity these days. For best results, find a wizened old crone who lives in a hut on the edge of a swamp and ask her to make you an enchanted fertility amulet. Alternatively, she may offer you a mysterious blend of herbs to brew up a tea that has a putrid smell but, surprisingly, doesn't taste half bad. You can also cast your own spells, right from home, using common household items such as salt, a broomstick (traditional or Swiffer Wet Jet®), assorted herbs, and several dozen crystal obelisks. Instructions for using these ingredients can be found in a beginning spell book from any occult book store.

So now you know everything you could possibly need to know to be successful in your quest to bring yet another precious little goblin into the world. But as you well know, having done this nine times already, this is just the first step in a much longer journey. There's a name to pick out, a nursery to re-paint, diaper company stock to invest in, and so much more to do between now and the birth of the newest member of your family. So for now, before the kids come home from school and the daily cacophony begins again, take a moment to relax. Have one last glass of wine before you have to swear off it for another nine months. Then take a deep breath, and get procreating!