#accept yourself to be accepted by others (kanji)

[cyziel]

i'm thinking about yosuke again and it makes me so annoyed because of how hard atlus dropped the ball with him. it's very obvious that they made his character arc with the intention of him being a closeted high schooler in the year 2011 that struggles with internalized homophobia who learns to finally accept himself, but then randomly decided to cut out the payoff to all of the setup so it just makes him extremely homophobic. the whole game is about accepting the part of yourself that you hate, and yosuke coming to terms with his bisexuality throughout the course of the story fits into that theme perfectly.

it's small stuff like this and so many other moments that make much more sense with the context of him originally being planned on having a romance route. he projects his idea of "manliness" and what's "right" onto both others and himself to make up for the social stigma placed onto him by society; he's trying to convince himself that he's "normal" so he can fit in. him feeling ostracized because he's the manager of junes' son is a blatant parallel to this, and the two of them could've easily been intertwined.

"i like you" in japanese is "ore, omae ga suki da" 《俺、 お前 が 好き だ》 -> known as the most common form of a love confession in japan and is almost always used romantically, especially given the context

this is an obviously repressed queer kid who has been struggling to grasp his sexuality and growing feelings for yu; there is so much subtext throughout the game that has all culminated to this moment—or at least, should've culminated to this moment. but it didn't.

funnily enough, i don't think it was atlus projecting their bigotry onto him at first until p4g, but making a genuine attempt at a good character arc that, much like the rest of persona 4, misses the mark in the worst way possible despite being so close to saying something meaningful (cough kanji and naoto). it's like they chickened out at the last second, but "forgot" to take out the parts that just make him a homophobic asshole with the context removed—and then even doubled down on it in p4g lmao. the thing i'm confused about is that hoshino (the former director of the persona series who is extremely disgusting and bigoted) was... already in the company when the lines were recorded??? so i'm baffled as to why they were allowed to come up with it in the first place before deciding against it.

this could've been really great and realistic representation that could've helped other queer people who were going through the same thing yosuke was—especially in the year 2008—and i'm super disappointed that they decided to cut it. persona 4 is about confronting the problematic elements about yourself, and i cannot think of a greater example of this than yosuke and his internalized homophobia.

(bonus: the closet is made out of glass)

[yatsurinamikaze]

Wager (first) - (second) - (third) - (fourth) - (fifth) - (sixth) - (seventh) - (eight) - (ninth)

tw// shit show, cringe, word vomit, objectification, shitty writing, grammatical errors, curse words.

Oikawa Tooru x Reader, Ushijima Wakatoshi x Reader

Summary: They strike a bet. The Wager? You.

Days blur into weeks, and the routine you’ve built with Ushijima becomes a comforting rhythm in your life. Despite the initial awkwardness, you’ve grown close in a way that surprises you both.

You help him plan his diet meals, carefully balancing his protein intake with the right amount of carbs and nutrients. In return, he patiently assists you with your Japanese writing, his calm and methodical approach guiding you through the intricacies of kanji and grammar.

You spend evenings together watching volleyball matches on TV, analyzing plays and strategies. Sometimes, you share the poems you’ve written, reading them aloud while he listens intently, his quiet presence reassuring you in a way you hadn’t expected. It’s a steady rhythm, and you find yourself liking it—liking him.

One day, when you visit Ushijima’s school, Semi catches you in the hallway, his expression sheepish as he approaches.

“Hey, Y/N,” he begins, rubbing the back of his neck. ��I, uh… I wanted to apologize for the whole texting thing. It was a stupid joke, and I didn’t think about how it would affect you. I’m really sorry.”

You grin after accepting Semi's apology and say, "Alright, Semi, I forgive you… on one condition. You have to serenade the team with a song of my choice during the next practice."

Semi, looking a bit nervous but curious, asks, "What song?"

You pulls out your phone, scroll for a moment, and then show him the screen with a mischievous smile. "I think you’d do a great job with ‘Barbie Girl’ by Aqua. Full performance, choreography included. And no backing out!" You point a finger at him.

Semi’s eyes widen, but he knows he has to go through with it.

The next practice has everyone cracking on the floor as Semi belts out the lyrics, much to the amusement of everyone around. Even though it’s embarrassing, he takes it in stride, and you can’t help but laugh the entire time.

He smiles in relief looking at you, and just like that you become a part of their pack.

Meanwhile, your interactions with Tooru have shifted into a delicate, unspoken dance. When you pass each other in the hallways, there’s a moment, in slow-motion—a fleeting exchange of smiles, eyes lingering on each others for just a heartbeat longer than necessary—before one of you looks away.

True to his promise, Tooru took care of the bullies, and they’ve since apologized, leaving you in peace. But the distance between you and Tooru remains, and it’s a chasm you’re not sure you want to bridge.

One afternoon, you’re leaving the chemistry lab, distracted by the constant pings on your phone, when you hear a familiar voice coming from an empty classroom nearby. You pause, your heart suddenly pounding in your chest.

“You’ve got no idea what you’re doing to me, do you?” Tooru’s voice is low, almost a growl, dripping with flirtatious intent.

A girl’s laugh follows, breathy and playful. “Maybe you should show me, Oikawa.”

Your heart skips a beat, and you feel a sick twist in your stomach. You can’t help but imagine the scene unfolding behind the door, Tooru’s hands on her, his lips close to hers. The thought makes your blood run cold.

“You really want that?” he says smugly, his voice dangerously smooth. “Because once I start, I’m not going to stop until you’re begging for more.”

The words hit you like a punch to the gut. Your heart races, your hands trembling as you try to steady yourself. You told yourself you were over him, that you’d moved on, but hearing him like this—hearing him with someone else—makes you realize just how wrong you were.

Your breath catches, and before you can stop yourself, your phone slips from your hand, clattering loudly against the tiled floor. Tooru's eyes snap towards you. Panic surges through you, and without thinking, you turn and run, your footsteps echoing through the hallway as you flee towards the parking lot.

“Y/N!” Tooru’s voice calls after you, sharp with concern, but you don’t stop. You can’t stop. The air feels too thick, too suffocating, and all you want is to get away, to escape the reality that’s crashing down around you.

By the time you reach the parking lot, Tooru catches up to you, grabbing your arm and spinning you around to face him. His eyes are wide, searching yours for an explanation.

“Hey?” he demands, his voice tinged with frustration.

You wrench your arm free, the anger and confusion bubbling up inside you until it spills out in a rush of words. “What?”

Tooru comes to a halt in front of you, his expression filled with worry and confusion. “Are you… are you okay? What happened?”

The concern in his voice, the genuine worry in his eyes, only serves to fuel the fire burning inside you. How can he ask that? How can he pretend like he doesn’t know what’s wrong?

“What happened?” you repeat, your voice trembling with a mix of anger and hurt. “You were all over her!"

He looks taken aback, his brows furrowing as he tries to make sense of your outburst. “I thought that’s what you wanted! You’re the one who said we should move on, and now you’re getting upset because… what? Because I’m trying to do what you asked?”

The raw emotion in his voice cuts through your defenses, and you realize, with a sinking feeling, that he’s right. You did want to move on. You told yourself that you had. But the truth is, your heart never really let go.

“I don’t know what I want!” you shout, the words spilling out before you can stop them.

"We..we are broken up yn." Tooru says with sincerity.

The tears threatening to spill out earlier, find its way streaming down your cheeks. You whisper, "So what Tooru? It obviously hurt."

Tooru’s face softens, and for a moment, he looks as if he’s about to reach out to you, to pull you into his arms like he used to. But instead, he steps back, his expression torn between anger and something softer, more painful.

“You need to make up your mind, Y/N,” he says quietly, his voice strained. “Because I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep waiting around, hoping you’ll choose me again. "

"I..Im not asking you to wait." You look down.

"I’m leaving for Argentina after the year ends. I got an offer to play volleyball there, and I’m not going to pass it up. " Your head snaps up to look at him. This is all too soon and sudden for you.

He repeats, "I’m not going to pass it up", he takes a brief pause, "Not unless I have a reason to stay.”

His words hit you like a punch to the gut, leaving you breathless and reeling. “Argentina?” you whisper, your voice barely audible.

He nods, his eyes locked onto yours. “Yeah. This is my dream, Y/N. But you were always a part of that dream too. I need to know if you still want to be a part of my life, or if it’s time for us both to move on.. for good.”

You’re speechless, the weight of his ultimatum pressing down on you like a suffocating blanket. You don’t know what to say, what to think. The confusion and hurt are too overwhelming, and all you can do is stand there, frozen in place.

Tooru’s shoulders sag, and he looks away, the resignation in his expression breaking your heart all over again. “Just… make up your mind, before it's too late. ” he says, his voice so soft it almost gets lost in the evening breeze. Then, without another word, he turns and walks away, leaving you standing in the parking lot, alone and shattered.

Masterlist

[daily-hanamura]

I kind of wished that the persona 4 cast wasn’t stuck in a narrative where the main theme is ‘always accept the role thrust upon you and if you don’t like it, just force yourself to like it’. Yukiko actively wants to leave Inaba and create her own life, but is portrayed negatively when doing so, with her character arc involving her accepting the role thrust upon her. Don’t get me started on Naoto. I know you’re the Yosuke guy, and was wondering what are your thoughts on this when applied to Yosuke?

I want you to know that being called "the Yosuke guy" is now my greatest achievement you've made my day everyday for the last week

I do agree with you, and I think it was one of my initial issues with P4 where, for a game whose entire narrative is about being true to yourself, it sure falls back into that tired sense of social conformation a lot. It's grating, right, because it feels like what they really mean to say is "be yourself! but not too much and not in a way that makes other people unhappy and make sure you're still living up to other peoples expectations because that's the real reason why you're unhappy with yourself, you haven't accepted who we want you to be (which is the real you that we've decided) etcetc" and it just undercuts the emotional impact of their self-acceptance (see also kanji and rise). (dw I know P5 also kind of has the same problem, and I can go into a whole thing about the limits of transformative narratives written by capitalist corporations but i wont. today-)

I think with Yosuke though, it's really interesting because his character arc is more so tied to his relationship with Inaba as a place, rather than his fundamental self-perceptions. It's established early on that Yosuke hated the town for various reasons; he's a city boy who wants excitement and connection, but most of the town hates him so he's shit out of luck and it gives him little reason to like the town back. As the game progresses, he starts to like the town -- "it's not about where you are, but who you're with", so it's his friendships (and having people who accept him for who he is) that makes the place meaningful for him. And, at the end of the day, Yosuke did get what he wanted - excitement and connection.

But he's not tied to Inaba.

In P4AU, it's revealed that Yosuke's struggling to figure out what he wants to do in life, but by the end of it he tells Yu that he wants to leave the town and go to college with Yu in the city, and that he wants to see the world and experience more things for himself. It fascinates me because it very strongly implies that Yosuke's arc isn't complete as we're very expressly told that he's still developing. It stands in contrast to the other characters who have effectively been fixed into some role or position (Yukiko as an inn manager, Rise as an idol), and unlike them, Yosuke hasn't been permanently relegated to the things that he starts off hating. He hasn't been written to stay in Inaba or even to continue working at Junes after graduation, instead he gets the opportunity to try things. imo this makes his arc more situational (and therefore layered) - Yosuke's perspective on his circumstance matures, but who he is as a person doesn't have to change, and he's not forced to make a trade-off with the wishes he had at the start.

This might be because Yosuke is Atlus' favourite character of the contrast between Yosuke's city background and the rest of the Inaba folk. There's a guy in the school who talks about how most people who finish high school in Inaba just go on to get jobs, and very few actually leave for college and beyond. It's something deeply realistic and reflective of human geography IRL, because that's very common in small communities. A fear of the outside world because of how isolated they are (and Inaba kind of is - remember how Yosuke said they barely had cell connectivity up until recently) means they tend to look inwards instead of out, so there isn't as strong an awareness of what else there is out there and a belief that your options are basically just that (it also makes it all the more impressive that they have surprisingly well-traveled teachers). Yosuke, on the other hand, is very much connected to the internet and the outside world, and he also tends to think about the things that he's missing out on more tangibly.

It makes for a very interesting parallel with Yukiko, who had grown up in Inaba all her life and also expresses that same interest in wanting to go out and see the world. Yukiko's idea about the kind of options that she has is weirdly limited for someone who is supposed to be at the top of her class. When you meet her at the bookstore, she talks about getting a job license so she could leave town, and her first thought was interior decorator (do you even need a license for that? it's not a chartered profession unlike an architect or interior designer, but things might work differently in japan). And maybe she does have a genuine interest in it so I'm talking shit, but it also feels like it's a job that she's aware of only because of the ryokan. As far as I could tell, we don't actually see her express any interest in, say, furniture themes or colour swatches and fabric textures in the way Kanji very clearly does. Her world view, like everyone else, is bounded by the reach of her experience, but because Inaba is so small and cloistered it impedes her ability to imagine beyond that. Even when she's thinking of leaving, her options are still limited to her experiences at the inn. I'm still really salty about how she decided to stay at the ryokan in the end, because something much more satisfying in my opinion would have been for her to get the opportunity to try different things elsewhere in the world, and if she decided that the ryokan was the right thing for her, then, well, fine, I guess? Or some cliche like exploring other inns elsewhere so she could bring that knowledge home. Especially since she had the support of her family and the inn staff, it makes her narrative feel more like an acceptance of her lot in life, rather than a genuine realisation that yeah, this was what she wanted, which was what the game wanted us to think, except it's not convincing. Instead, it just feels like a weird stagnation because her initial wish of wanting to see the world beyond the ryokan was not satisfied.

But hey, guess who does!

Yosuke gets to learn how to make the best of a situation, but ultimately, he's not beholden to it. He - and his writers - understand that he's not done growing, so he doesn't fix himself to a role that he doesn't like. AND IT'S GOOD. I just wish everyone else got that opportunity.

[symphonic-scream]

Okay.

New Arcana Swap

(tag for now is Transboy Haru I need a new name for this I know)

Anyways. It's been like 2 hours here's everything I have so far

So it's a Fool Haru au, but as a trans guy. He's been transitioning since the year before he started high school, and he's had top surgery. Now he's in his final year, and he's being shipped out to Tokyo after a summer in Juvi, all for something he didn't do

Toranosuke Yoshida as the Hierophant with Goro as the Hermit too it's. This ex politician who has been adopting these kids who's rich and important parents abandon them

Emperor Makoto. And then with Makoto, she's been "staying" with Kobayakawa as a pupil and StuCo Prez, and once he's confessed, she reaches out to her sister and returns home to live with Hanged Man Sae. She's sorta non-binary genderfluid? She doesn't have a term coined yet. But pronouns vary each day

Makoto: thanks, so much. For saving me, for helping me find my sister again, for accepting who I am, and- and for loving me,

Haru: oh, Mako dearest,

Makoto, crying: d-dont look at me like that, Loverboy. Just- let's hurry, the others are waiting

(in case you couldn't tell yet, this is Okujima)

Haru: hey why are you so close with that pharmacist?

Yoshida: oh, cause. I take pills?

It's cause Goro's on anti-psychotics lmao

It's how he so easily got Haru in with the counsellor Death Maruki

Maruki: yep, I see your files are completely true. So, I'll get you set up with your old regime of hormones

Haru: just like that?

Maruki: yep, but I also have to give you anger management sessions. Your parole demands it

Haru: ...I understand. Just, thank you. For understanding who I am

Chariot Shiho and Lovers Futaba, and the Temperance is Kanji-

Cause his husband is the Judgement and their wife is Fortune-

Moon Joker, Magician Ryuji (he's a lil lizard), Star Ann, Empress, uh, Yusuke?

Shiho a recovering amputee. She got in an accident that ended her volleyball career, but she's trying to not get too depressed about it

She cost them the national title. She ends up starting her training again to aim for the Paralympics, and manages the school team

Shiho: hey, why was Shit Head calling you a girl?

Haru: I, I'm trans,

Shiho: THAT BASTARD! Urgh, I'm so sorry, I know a teacher who'll help report that bullshit. I'm Shiho Suzui, school cripple. Nice to meet you, transfer boy

Haru: thanks, I'm Haru Yoshida. Thanks for not, freaking out on ke

Ryuji's a little bearded dragon in the real world

And MORGANA! He's like, Shinya's age? Human

He's playing the hero, trying to take down the Yakuza that ruined his family and left him alone, but he's young and scared, and the group saves him and he moves in with Yoshida too and he's like Haru's little brother

Goro: you're getting soft, old man.

Yoshida: maybe I am. Or maybe, I'm finally doing what I was meant to all along

He runs a homey beef bowl shop and Haru helps out, and Morgana sits at the counter slurping his noodles and Goro studies away in the back booth. Little family of three brothers

Goro: thanks for changing my heart, I guess

Futaba: no problem, man

Goro: ...I, feel like I need to tell you all. My mom was schizophrenic, and I've been being treated for it since Yoshida took me in. I, I'm gonna get myeds adjusted too. So I can be reliable for you all as navigator

Shiho: whatever you need to be yourself, and to be healthy

Haru: and if you end up like that again, we'll race back in and save you

It's shown in how his palace would change every other day. Like if you wait too long the infiltration route changes

Once he's doing better again, he gets back into school, and ends up in the other third year class with Makoto

Goro: your partner is a pain in my ass. They're making it hard to get that #1 spot

Haru: isn't my love so smart?

Goro: fucking gross. Bleh. I'm going to go watch a documentary on serial killers.

Toranosuke and his three sons, such a proud dad

Haru doesn't leave Tokyo at the end of the year. He gets formally adopted, and moves from the attic to the proper Yoshida house

Naoto: so. You're the leader of the Phantom Thieves?

Haru: ...what's it matter how I answer? They got their signed confession.

Naoto: I knew it, there was no way they'd have gotten a genuine one so quickly... Those bastards... Well, hopefully our chat can clear things up. Tell me, why'd you do it? How? The more I know, the better I can help you out

Naoto recognizes the boy from his husband's class roster, from his chats about the transfer boy that seemed to affect everyone around him

Naoto: so. Your dad kicked you out?

Haru: yes. Not for being a boy, he accepted that part of me. No, I caught on about some of his shadier business deals. So, he framed me for assault, disowned me. I got lucky, that Mr Yoshida agreed to house me, otherwise I would have probably ended up back in Juvi,

Okay this is getting too long so MORE UNDER THE CUT BUT WHAT DO YALL THINK LEMME KNOW

Okay. More

Shiho with her slight hobble cause of her prosthetic, and when she just *can't* wear it, she's on crutches, Like at the beach

She wears her leg to the beach, but takes it off when Makoto and Morgana egg her into running out to the water with them. Makoto loads her onto their back until they reach the water and then it's just. Splashing and fun

Goro's reading a book while Ryuji lies on a towel in the sun, soaking in the heat. Haru and Futaba are munching on popsicles and watching the others

Two Jokers

Moon is Akira, and Ren was in Shiho's role

They're Futaba's foster brothers. So that's why Futaba really wants to join up. To avenge Ren. And it's why Akira helps out

Futaba: hey, so Ren's awake. He's going to need physical therapy, but he's keeping all his parts. He's, also going to testify. He won't be returning to Shujin,

Akira: he's going to finish at Kosei. It'll be a better fit for him

Makoto, fluid, having more they or he days but still having she days. Masc she days, but still

Coloured bandanas around their upper arm for their different days. Now embracing their baby punk side

And smiling so much more, back home with their sister and able to be themselves with support, and having friends and a sweet boyfriend

Hifumi for the Faith and. Justice Kasumi and Sumire TRSUT ME

Haru: hey!

Makoto, wearing a dark red bandana: hey Loverboy, can I get a kiss?

Haru: course, love. How's my girl today?

Makoto: feeling great, Sis and I are going out tonight. She said you're welcome to join if you want? And then maybe come over after later to "study"?

Haru: how can I say no to you?

[thebearme]

Thinking about Yu having a shadow + a palace is interesting because of the possibilities.

But here one idea for it:

Yu's shadow is a malformation of everyone's shadow.

Let's think about it!

Yosuke: The feeling of covering your feelings with surrounding yourself with people; to not be alone. Yu contently surrounding their self's with bonds to not be alone.

Chie: The feeling of surrounding yourself with people that NEED you. To make yourself feel superior and cover your inferiority. Yu is constantly surrounded by people who are willing to traumadump on to them, He is constantly surrounded by people who have "worster" problems then him. Which can easily turn into a "[Blank] has it worse then me" "compared to everyone else I have no issues".

Yukiko: Waiting and longingly wanting someone to SAVE you from your own helplessness. Yu's feeling of the town, their situation, the feeling of wanting to run away from there and go back home. OR! Yu hoping that somebody anybody would love him to get rid of this feeling of inadequates, to help him run away from the the expectations of everything.

Kanji: Hiding Your feelings (and sexuality) with machoness (or being a chad in this case) to protect yourself from denial of acceptance. Yu becoming a chad and is conveniently perfect at everything didn't come out of no where. It's a front that keeps people around, something that gives a machoman leader that no one question.

Rise: Willing change yourself to satisfy others in such big extent and losing yourself in the making. This can be it's own post but heres a summary. In every social link Yu has to say what the person want him to say, do what they want him to do instead of being their self or just being a regular friend. Yu has to be the PERFECT friend, the PERFECT leader, the PERFECT student, the PERFECT big bro, the PERFECT partner.

Naoto: Making yourself more MATURE to fit with the adult of society so you can be USEFUL and not just thrown away. If it wasn't a issue enough that Yu feels like that have the responsibility on fixing their friends problems then Yu fixing the adults problems as well is. Yu makes themselves more mature for their age to be relied on not just their friends but grownups as well.

Namatame: Helping people to the point where your superiority complex turns into a savior complex. In every social link Yu fixes the problems in that person's life.

Adachi: Interestingly enough Adachi motif is what I imagine Yu's original feelings about being in Inaba. Yu knows he's only going to be here for a year, they're not going to be here long. So what's the point of making friends and getting cozy with people if it's not going to matter in the end. Just get good grades, keep your head low and everything will be fine.

!BONUS! Mitsuo: This was explored in the anime but let me still cover this. The feeling that no matter how much effort Yu does to people please, to be useful, mature, manly and ect. It all didn't matter, all his friendships and bonds were just superficial, no matter what Yu will always be a empty human-being and no one would want to stay with a lying manipulative savior complex. So why try fighting it? just accept it, You'll always be alone.

All of this leads to my idea that Shadow Yu will hold much more respect for the IT then Yu but still babys everyone. Thinking that he's the ONLY one that can fix you by becoming what you want. Shadow Yu would constantly traps you, making sure you don't LEAVE the palace so you don't LEAVE HIM.

[fiie]

♡ Jujutsu Kaisen: Phantom Parade Guide! ♡

Hello, im fie !! 🩷 welcome to my guide on how to download the jujutsu kaisen mobile game. *UPDATED*

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* I have an android phone btw, so that's what this guide is written for :) I don't know much about apple devices. initially, i was planning to figure it out for both types of devices, but i dont currently have an apple device i can use to test things on (im sorry apple users ;-;)

*UPDATE*: Some changes with what vpn options work

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-> Acquiring a VPN *UPDATED*

Ovpnspider is an app you can download in the google play store. All you have to do is download it and then set your location to japan.

The publisher of the game, sumzap, has made it difficult to access their game even with a vpn. As such, most well known vpns will not work. I've done some research and one that still does seem to work (and is free) is ovpnspider.

✅️ VPN acquired!

tbh this app can be hit or miss. Sometimes it works perfectly fine and I have 0 issues, while other times it continuously struggles to properly connect. If you have trouble connecting try choosing a different connection in the app or even restarting your phone.

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-> Making a jp google play store account

Before we do anything else, open up your phone settings > apps > google play store > storage > clear data and cache.

Make sure your vpn is on and set to japan.

Next, open the Google play store and let's make our jp account! You don't even have to sign out of your current account. Just click your account icon > then the drop down arrow > add new account > create a new account

✅️ 🎉 now we have a jp google play store account!!

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-> download the phantom parade app!

Make sure you switch over to your newly made jp account. After doing so you should find yourself in the jp google playstore.

Next, simply search up jujutsu kaisen phantom parade. Even though we are in the jp store you should still be able to type it in English and find it.

Once its finished downloading open up the app....

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 aaaaaand we're in 😎

Tap to start!! It will probably prompt you to check off the terms and conditions and then ask for you to type in a name you wish to use for your in game account.

Next, it will ask to download the rest of the game resources. (this might take awhile)

Tip for navigation: the red button is usually the ok/next/confirm/accept button

✅️ Game installed and ready to play! yay~

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And that's pretty much it!

Keep in mind whenever you want to play phantom parade you will need to turn your vpn on and have it set to a japanese location otherwise you won't be able to get into the game and will run into a communication error (picture below)

-> * Communication Error

The game can be really picky at times. If you're having issues and keep getting the error message try restarting your phone, reconnecting to your vpn, and then opening the app again. I found when using ovpnspider that sometimes choosing a different japanese location would fix it too.

Update: Turning notifications for phantom parade off also seems to lessen the frequency of error messages.

-> Translation overlay

Having difficulty navigating the menus or understanding what's going on? Consider downloading a translation overlay app!

Using this will allow you to translate all the text on the screen with the press of a single button. Unfortunately, the translation isn't very good, but it's decent enough to gain a basic understanding of things. It often has trouble properly translating character names just because of how kanji works. In the example above, you can see it often will translate yuji's name to yuhito lol.

The app i often use for this is called bubble translate and can be found in the google play store. It's super simple to set up and use!

-> Free SSR ticket

Just a small note, but after you finish the tutorial for the game you will be gifted with a ticket for an SSR character of your choice. When you first use it, it will pull a random SSR character. If it's not the character you wanted, don't worry you will be given the option to re roll or accept. Just keep re rolling until it pulls the character you want.

The SSR characters that can be pulled are:

Satoru Gojo

Yuji Itadori

Megumi Fushiguro

Nobara Kugisaki

Panda

Toge Inumaki

Maki Zenin

Kento Nanami

Aoi Todo

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And that's everything! I hope you have fun with the game and good luck with your gacha pulls! I hope you all get your faves!!

I might make a more in depth guide on how to actually play the game detailing the gameplay and the different characters/abilities/events/ect. if enough ppl are interested (???)

If you have any questions feel free to send me a message via ask or dm and I'll do my best to respond. 🩷🩷🩷

♡---♡---♡---♡---♡

-> Extra

My friend convinced me to add the shitty rundown of the main menu I made for her to this guide💀 so here

customize home screen: pick who u want on the home screen/ change background/ ect.

Characters + equips: where you can look through all your characters and equips as well as upgrade them and setup your party.

Gallery: rewatch cutscenes from the main story, events, and extra unlocked scenes

Home: the screen we are currently on.

Gacha hell: gacha hell. (where u roll for new characters and equips. There are 2 forms of currency paid & free. Some banners can only be pulled on with paid)

Character profiles/ranks: everytime you upgrade, level up, use a character they get points. idk think of it like your friendship level with them maybe ?? You get rewards from getting characters ranks up.

Quests/missions: where you go to actually play the game. Main story, events, expeditions, ect

Event popup: shows the limited events currently taking place & how many days are left (in this picture theres 4 days left for the even displayed)

Mail: in game mail where the devs sometimes send us nice things

Tasks: ongoing tasks like dailies and stuff that you complete by playing and get rewards from

Footprints icon/ I didn't know what to label this but they are dudes that gather materials for you: ap, money, character and equips level up mats. They are always gathering stuff for you so even if you haven't played the game for a bit they'll have stuff for you.

Exchange shop: bunch of different shops to exchange materials/items/ect

More options: has settings/inventory/friend list/ user profile and more

Okay, done for real this time! Byeeee and thanks for reading my guide!! I hope it wasn't that bad and i was able to help :,)

[notayamichan]

🌟 Learning Japanese 🇯🇵

🔔　あたしのガイドは、人が英語を話す向けー　(⁠◔⁠‿⁠◔⁠)

The following guide is based on my personal experience. I am not an authority on the matter and I am still barely a beginner regarding Japanese.

What am I doing?

Learning languages seems non-lienar and that's partly true (at an intermediate level). But, when you're first starting out, there's generally clear goals to work toward.

Your Beginner Goals

Study and master kana

Japanese employs hiragana and katakana in conjunction with kanji. Together, hiragana and katakana make up kana.

Learn the kana (hiragana and katakana)

Learn the difference between kunyomi and onyomi (kanji)

Delve into grammar and establish some foundational vocab

Immerse yourself with input content (movies, shows, etc)

Study and practice a basic form of "pitch accent"

Continue developing your vocab and particle knowledge

Learn about polite versus casual talk and social culture

Use the language (letters, blog, diary, etc)

Seek conversations to apply the language properly

Find and study tests like JLPT to gauge your progress

What can I use?

Duolingo

If this was your first pick, you're naive but not foolish. It'll teach you enough to get help if you're lost in Japan. But it won't be enough to hold a conversation. Give it a try and see if it works for you. Duolingo is free.

I recommend using Duolingo as a supplementary learning tool rather than your primary learning tool

Textbooks and Guides

Many learners and even classes praise numerous textbooks. I for one received a recommendation for Tae Kim's Japanese Guide. So, I'll recommend it to you. Don't be afraid to see out other guides or attempt some textbooks. However, one should always remember that the textbook is NOT demonstrative of naturalistic Japanese.

For example, 「私は猫が好きです」 is what a textbook correctly teaches, though 「猫好きだよ」 is acceptable and more natural in casual Japanese

Building vocabulary

If you want to develop your vocabulary, you can use JLPT anki decks. Anki is a flashcard program for desktop and mobile. You can also use anki in conjunction with a dictionary like Jisho to create new flashcards decks (suited to the words you'd like to learn). You may also pick up vocab from Japanese media (i.e, anime, manga, books, content creators, music, etc).

If you're using Jisho and want to find a word you only know in English, search for it using quotation marks. For example, "school" or, if you want a verb "to learn" ~ it should help. You can spell out Japanese words normally by just typing... i.e, watashi.

Good input versus Bad input

Immersing yourself in Japanese media and culture is good but you need to be mindful of the content you're consuming— take note of the context behind events, interactions, or the relationship of speakers. Be especially mindful of anime and manga— both are known to use hyperbolic language or phrases that aren't commonly used in day to day conversation. Fortunately, some anime and manga do use everyday language, and you can usually find lists.

I recommend using the Tofugu blog to learn about both Japanese language and culture. But if you don't like reading, there are many YT channels like Kaname Naito and NihongoDekita with Sayaka. For general immersion though, here's a sweet vlog channel, a JP Warframe creator, and a natural born otaku.

[kamsspice]

i'm playing P4G and i just got to the part where the gang are in the camp and yosuke tells kanji to prove to him that he's straight and can i say, the conversation i've seen surrounding this topic is so frustrating.

people insist that "it's how a teenager was in that time" as if it excuses the fact that he said what he did. people focus the narrative on the status quo and as such, we shouldn't criticise the writing because that's how things are. but none of the conversation considers the impact of the supposed status quo on the individual - kanji in this instance - and how it makes them feel. because to excuse yosuke's words and discredit the homophobia is to say he was justified in the words that he said. that he is right to feel uncomfortable about the possibility of kanji being gay because of his Shadow Self. but nobody ever questions Yosuke's assumptions are wrong. It's up for Kanji to prove to Yosuke he isn't like that.

and it's just really annoying because it implies that for Kanji to not feel made other, he shouldn't behave in a certain way. it's never questioning whether yosuke's line of thinking is wrong. and it's just annoying watch it all play out without being able to push back properly.

and it pisses me off even more when people genuinely give a pass to team atlus for being for the gays because of the options to joke that you are gay because the reality that being gay in their stories is a joke.

this game really is a glimpse into what it was like to be queer in the 2000s and for a game whose thesis is to accept the other part of yourself that you hide, it doesn't seem to give that same grace for its queercoded character.

[sirthisisa-wendys]

Hi!!!! I'm a big big big Kanji Mochizuki Lover.

And If you don't mind, I've been wanting to write a smut that revolves around him neglecting his arrange wife and her trying to go out on date but he realized that he has fallen for her after all these years.

Thank you so so so so much!

OF COURSE! I love this idea.

The First: Kanji Mochizuki x Fem!Reader

wc: 1.5k

tw: smut

masterlist

"Kanji?" Mochi looks up from the papers on his desk, his eyes focusing not on words - but on his wife. You're standing in the doorway of his office, wearing the nightgown he'd gotten you for your birthday.

"Hmm?" You shift nervously, looking down at your manicured fingernails before glancing up at him. "What's going on?"

You open your mouth a few times before finally coming out with the information. Your request comes out softly and timidly. "Our anniversary is coming up soon and..." You pause. Mochi pushes back from his desk and leans back in his chair, frowning. "I was wondering if we could... I'd like to go out and spend some time with you."

Mochi isn't sure why he didn't measure his words more carefully. Maybe he could have avoided the consequences if he had. "I'm swamped with work this week," he begins, rubbing his face. Your face drops as soon as he speaks, and your eyes glaze over with tears. "Maybe we could figure something out when I'm not so busy."

"It's fine," you rush out. "We don't have to do anything..." Mochi watches you turn around and close his door, then listens to your retreating footsteps. And then he's left to think about the past, present, and even the future.

The arrangement had been swift, somewhat unexpected, but altogether acceptable. You were beautiful, kind, quiet... A year ago, though, Mochi didn't have a marriage as a top priority in his life. He'd been knee-deep in Bonten and unfocused on things of a domestic nature. Mochi's father and mother thought it high time he married, though, and that's how you waltzed into his life.

You don't know the real him - he pays good money to ensure all of his shady business stays away from his home, including the pesky Haitani crew - and Mochi would like things to stay that way for your benefit and protection. He gave you enough money to live comfortably; what you did with that money didn't concern him. Mochi even had sex with you semi-regularly, and he thought it was satisfying enough...

"Oh, god." He leans back in his seat and realizes the truth that's been staring him in his face. Mochi jolts up from his office chair and rushes toward your shared bedroom. Before Mochi can reach the door, he hears you murmuring to yourself in shaky tones.

"It's okay," you chant to yourself, and Mochi peers at you through the crack in the door. "It's fine. I'll just... try harder." You turn from your perch at the dressing table, and Mochi sees the phone against your ear. You pause, listening, then nod slowly. "I know, mom." Mochi's heart stops. "I'll do better. I can be a good wife, don't worry about it. Bye."

A sick feeling settles in Mochi's stomach. You toss your phone onto the bed and wrap your arms around yourself before biting your lip. Tears track down your face, and you cry silently, wiping your tears away with trembling hands. Part of Mochi wants to let you have your moment alone - this wasn't meant for him to see. But the other part of him wants to comfort you - this was a problem he caused.

He presses the door open, and remorse floods into his veins as you look at him and hurriedly wipe your tears away. "Hey," you breathe, wiping your hands on your dress. "Sorry, I was just--"

Mochi shakes his head and cups your cheeks, rubbing at the tear marks and your swollen eyes. "I haven't been a decent husband, have I?" You don't reply, but a fresh set of tears is enough of an answer for him. "We should talk about it."

"That's the most comforting thing you've ever said," you reply sadly.

"We should discuss it over dinner. I'll order whatever you want."

"I'm not hungry." The admission makes Mochi even more remorseful, but you sit on the bed and pat the space next to you. "We can talk right here." Mochi does as you say and sits beside you, taking your hands in his and inhaling deeply. Finally, he lets the breath go through his nose and nods.

"Ask me anything."

"Do you care about me?" The question comes out quicker than anticipated, and Mochi tilts his head.

"I do. Deeply." If only you knew how much.

"Why aren't you intimate with me?"

"We have sex," Mochi begins slowly. "I'm not sure--"

"You don't hold me afterward. Often, I feel that you'd rather be somewhere else once things are done. Like it's a chore for you."

"I--" Your face changes. Brows furrow, eyes narrow, and suddenly, you're pissed.

"And you're always so busy." Mochi flinches, looking away from your displeased face.

"Bonten is..." Before he can retract his words, the one thing he'd kept from you comes to light. Your face morphs into shock, and you tug your hands away from his.

"Bonten."

You know what that is. Who they are. What they do. Mochi gets to his feet, placing his hands in his pockets before pacing the room. He can hear your angry admonitions already, each bringing him shame and regret. But when your mouth doesn't open at all, he turns to look at you.

And you're there, hands in your lap and eyes watching him for any sign of danger. But there he is, just pacing around the cage of a house he's trapped you in like a big cat, surrounding you with lies and half-truths. You have every right to be angry and scream at him... but you're silent.

"I'm sorry for dragging you into this," he rushes out, running his hands through his hair. "You're innocent in all of this, I know. I should have told you when we were engaged. But I just thought if I could keep this one part of my life out of that mess, I could--" He breaks off, his words choked up in his tightening throat. "But it turns out that I can't do any of this right."

"Oh." His mind stops working overtime when your voice pipes up, just as soft as ever. "I suppose I don't really know you, do I?"

"And I don't really know you," Mochi replies sadly. "You have every right to divorce me." It's his final gift, his final way of making things right for you. "I'll sign if you want to leave; give you the house, whatever you want."

"What if I just want to get to know the real you?" Mochi stops pacing. You get up from the bed, walking over to him in that flimsy little thing he got you to appease the requirement of a birthday gift. He supposes he got lucky because you wear it often. "Hi," you begin, sticking out your hand for a handshake. "I'm y/n. It's nice to meet you..."

"Kanji Mochizuki," Mochi replies, shaking your hand firmly and smiling a bit. And it's silly - the show of reintroducing yourself to your wife of a year - but somehow, it works.

It works so well, in fact...

"Mochi!" Ran shouts from across the street, waving his hand at the giant. "Thanks for bringing your wife this time!"

"It was her idea," Mochi asserts. "Watch your step, sweetheart," he murmurs, and you hop lightly over the puddle before smiling back at Ran.

"Bye, Ran! It was nice to get to know you!" Mochi can hear Ran laugh from the other side of the street, but he only waves to the purple-haired man and opens your car door. "I can't wait to get home," you breathe, and Mochi chuckles.

"Eager to get warm?" You peer up at him with a sultry look, and Mochi feels his pants restrict a little.

"You'll see."

When Mochi gets you in the door, you practically drag him to the bedroom and strip him out of his clothing. "Baby," Mochi hurries out, trying his best to hold on to some semblance of decorum. "Maybe we should slow down and take it easy?"

"I can't," you breathe, getting to your knees and pulling on his belt. "I need you right now."

"Hey," Mochi pants as his slacks fall to the ground. "Love, don't you--" But when his dick finds a warm, wet home in your mouth Mochi groans long and hard. "I'll shut up now." You hum, and instinctively, he knows it means "thank you." Mochi laces his fingers around your head, and his eyes flutter closed, allowing himself to relax and let you do as you please.

"Listen, big boy," you murmur, licking up the side of his cock. "I want you to fuck me tonight."

"I won't last long if you keep sucking me like that," he groans, toes curling painfully. "So, come 'ere." Mochi doesn't even want to take off your clothes when you settle into his lap. His fingers slide your g-string to the side and cradle your hips as you fist his cock hard enough for him to wince.

When you slide your plush cunt over his cockhead, he knows he's done for. Every shred of Mochi's sanity goes out the window, but before he shuts the latch on it, he whispers huskily, "I'm so in love with you, babe."

"I know," you practically sing in his ear as you bottom out on his cock. "Funny how that works when you really get to know someone."

[giuliadesu]

you were 22 when you wore his name between your collarbones.

... & THEN?

two more years had passed. the red string kept sitting snugly in front of your apple watch (another gift from atsumu on a previous birthday), not fading nor giving signs of wear. you took the habit of fidgeting with it whenever you felt stressed or when you were lost deep in focus. sometimes you’d bring the bracelet to your lips and give it a little kiss, as if he could feel it despite the distance — this would usually happen when you were watching msby matches or when you knew the setter had an exam.

it came a little bit as a shock when you realised that you loved him. and not in the way two friends love and care for eachother, but in the “i’d take the first plane to you and drop my life here if only you so much asked” kinda way. yet, it made so much sense: the fluttering in your chest whenever you spoke with him; how you cherished every text message, every silly little picture, every gift — despite telling him you didn’t want to be spoiled and that he didn’t have to waste (spend, atsumu would correct) money on you. he made you feel safe, accepted, loved in a way that felt magical. you’d never experienced such affection directed at you, so thinking and knowing someone would go out of their way just to be with you and spend time together was unreal.

at some point, you felt confident enough to reveal to him the full extent of the bad blood in between your family and you. starting from how they never supported any of the things you were interested in or you applied yourself to, going as far as making fun of it in front of friends and acquaintances alike. finally, when the acceptance letter from the university reached your inbox, it felt as if breaking free from heavy chains that constantly and painfully held you down. you moved, got a part-time job to support yourself and be completely independent from your family; despite that, they paid the university fees simply because you lied when telling them what was the major of your choice. that greatly helped in saving money and actually build your freedom.

when atsumu heard of all that, he became furious. he took it upon himself to never let you feel alone, unwanted or unsupported. you were his first thought in the morning and the last one before he went to bed; your pretty face was constantly on his mind. 

he quickly realised he was deeply, madly in love with you. there was no other possible explanation for the warmth he felt when he was with you — albeit virtually. the setter decided to show you every aspect of his life and personality. you were the first person he would call right after a match; showing you his famous pr smile when they won, or the dark shade of his eyes when they lost. your voice always managed to soothe him and bring him back from the post-loss frustration that made him see red.

considering how important you were to him, atsumu was determined to keep you in his life for the longest.

ŌSAKA, 10:00

atsumu had been thinking for a long time if the object in front of him was something appropriate to gift you. his profession as a pro athlete allowed him not to worry about the price of many things, so it was safe to assume the problem didn’t lay in the actual cost of it. there was a black, open box sitting on his bed; inside, his jersey and shirt sat neatly folded, and on thom of them a small velvet box, black as well. the real treasure was guarded in the smaller box: an only-platinum necklace consisting of the kanji making his surname (宮), completely studded in small diamonds. the chain was almost invisible, and he knew the length would have been perfect for it to rest precisely in the soft spot between your collarbones. 

glancing at the clock on the wall, he realised he had to cut his contemplations short: the express and private courier he hired to deliver the present would arrive by his apartment soon. sighing, atsumu closed the box and sealed it properly so it wouldn’t break (and to shield it from prying eyes). after the courier assured him the package would have top priority and be delivered within ten hours, the setter decided to make use of his day off and go to onigiri miya.

“i need you to teach me how to make a very specific kind of ramen.”

“you do realize i make onigiri, yes?”

“oh for fuck’s sake, osamu! we both know you are capable of preparing way more than onigiri!”

two hours later, a steaming cup of ramen sat on the wooden counter of the shop. it had a creamy color, being made with coconut milk as a base for the soup; the udon swam contently together with fried tofu, shiitake mushrooms, spinach, lotus roots, an egg and scallion.

osamu leaned on the countertop, white rag hanging from his shoulder. he had never seen his twin so focused on something that wasn’t volleyball. he was certainly impressed.

“is it for her?”

“... yeah. she once told me it was her favorite dish. man, i sound like an idiot, learning to make what she loves the most when i don’t even know if i’ll ever see her.”

osamu  was about to reply, when he felt his phone vibrate in the backpocket of his trousers. fishing out the device, he read the message.

“hey ‘samu, can you teach me how to make fatty tuna?”

YOUR LOCATION, 12:00

it was a surprisingly chill day. you went for a walk at a park near your house, got a new plant for your apartment, and finally managed to get a present for atsumu’s graduation. while you couldn’t be there in person the msby family (plus suna and osamu) made sure you were there: they kept a constant facetime call, so you could witness the setter getting his degree — and you could also see the look of pure happiness in his eyse when he noticed that somehow you managed to be part of such an important day.

when you reached your doorstep, you noticed a medium size box waiting for you. a smile made its way over your face: it had happened enough times to know that neatly placed and packaged boxes with a small japanese stamp meant atsumu had sent you something.

bringing the box inside, you went over to your bedroom, resting the present gently on the fluffy blanket you kept over the duvet and grabbing your macbook. you quickly shot the pierced guy a message, asking if he was available for a facetime and an unboxing.

“hey cutie! i get you received a little something?”

a pair of silver snakebites appeared on the screen, together with a happy smile and two dimples.

“you wouldn’t happen to know why there was this waiting for me, don’t you?”

you smiled back at him, taking in the fact that he just got out of the shower — a msby towel was around his neck and wet blond hair framing his features.

“me? i don’t know what you’re talking about.” the wink atsumu sent you made a swarm of butterflies take flight in the pit of your stomach. was it really that effortless for him?

you spent the few minutes it took you to open the heavily sealed box chatting a bit and keeping atsumu company as he finished his dinner.

when the lid came off, you weren’t expecting to see another small package. setting it aside (as the setter instructed you), your fingers came in contact with soft, black fabric; pulling it out, you realised it was his jersey and his uniform. the fresh smell of clean sheets was mixed with something more musky and cold, similar to mint.

“you can’t imagine how much i had to beg in order to have a new set! i had to pretend i lost part of my uniform.”

your eyes darted to the screen in bewilderment. this was his uniform. with his smell.

“atsumu, i don’t even know what to say… is it really okay for me to have this? you don’t have to get in trouble for me.”

chocolate eyes softened immediately, the smirk replaced by a sweet smile, and a little blush spreading to his ears.

“i remember you told me that sometimes you hate the fact that you can’t hug me, so i thought this would be a cool alternative, albeit not being the same thing.”

atsumu swore his heart stopped beating when he saw you hug the clothes tightly to your chest and bury your face in the fabric. maybe for your next call he could hope to see you wearing them (and that’s exactly what you did).

“now you can open the smaller box, bubs.”

the nickname made you giggle like a child. you kept the clothes on your thighs while reaching for the black velvety box. your mind brought you back to when he gifted you the red string that still adorned both of your wrists.

“atsumu, i swear to the kami i’m going to kill you. how much did this cost?!”

“do you like it?”

“of course i do! but that’s not the point-”

“it is; if you like it then the cost doesn’t matter.”

the kanji shone brightly, a stark contrast to its dark hiding place. 

“wait. it’s the kanji for your surname.”

to say you were confused was an understatement. in japan one’s surname was an incredibly important part of their identity; you couldn’t wrap your head around why he was giving it to you. your lovesick brain made the obvious connection that you would take his surname, like a married couple. you hoped your room was dark enough to prevent the bright red to show on the screen.

 “i want you to be part of my family. if your own family isn’t capable of understanding the beautiful, smart and perfect person you are… well, that’s on them. mom loves you, ‘samu treats you like a little sister, you are already a part of this family.”

warm tears started streaming down your reddened cheeks. a few drops fell on the necklace, making it shine even brighter. you took a deep breath. you weren’t ready to confess, but there were still things you wanted him to know.

“miya… it means shrine or constellation. you are my safe place, atsumu; the brightest star in any sky, the sun that warms me up on the coldest days.”

atsumu noticed how you didn’t mention his mother or his twin (despite knowing how deeply you cared for them). he watched you with a proud and love-filled gaze as you brought the necklace up to fasten it around your neck. the setter mentally high-fived himself when the pendant sat exactly where he wanted it to. 

and then he decided he could be even bolder. bringing his left wrist into view, his lips went to rest on the small string.

“i will always be your safe place. you are not alone anymore — i won’t let you go that easily, cutie.”

a smirk appeared on your face, between the tears, as you mimicked his actions.

“i wouldn't even dream of it.”

previous | masterlist | next

honorable mentions

@arquitecturadelanada | @cup-of-fluff | @kyopmi | @melancholicautumnfever | @ohtokki

taglist

@alienvarmint | @cloud-lyy | @mommyourcall420 | @opalloveworld | @voidshoutsback

© giuliadesu. please do not copy, translate, use in videos or reupload on other platforms and sites. it is strictly forbidden to feed any part of my content to ai.

[alpydk]

22 and 24 :)

22. say 3 things about someone you love.

So going to go with my kid.

Love how curious they can be at times, just off the wall weird, how they listen to the dumb shit I say and add on to it with their own.

"Mummy, what is a ship?" "Like a boat?" "Nooooo, like in games. When people say they want to ship them," "Oh... *me thinking over the smut* um, when people say they want to people to be in a relationSHIP." "Like Naoto and Kanji in Persona 4." "Exactly like that." *Long pause.* "TRIAL OF THE DRAGOOONNNN!"

(A repeat of a conversation last night.)

I like how they love animals and are so great with them. They have autism, so people and friends are more tricky, but they're the most accepting person ever of anyone, really. But when with animals, they're a whole new person entirely, patient, caring, like the animals just get it all. It's amazing to see.

Lastly... That they simply exist. We went through a lot of hell for them. They're a miracle.

24.what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

I was thinking about this the other day and I'm going to go with the art portion of my degree. We had to do this entire display of our work and explain the theme and how we would go about teaching it to a class and I chose "World within worlds."

Now, as you have all seen, I'm not good at art. I was in a class with people who'd been drawing for years and I took this module simply so I didn't have to write huge essays whilst writing my final paper. I fought with the professor over pop art and I fought with her over collages, and I fought over...well everything, but every time I'd go home and think over what we were doing and I'd twist it so I understood it, and she let me. Honestly, an amazing, AMAZING person!

I ended up getting my final paper written earlier and throwing more energy into the art project than anyone expected. After a module of arguing over art processes, art analysis and everything else with my professor, I showed up with this representative of me, basically. I got a very high grade for it and the feedback I got was, "You took everything from the class and made it your own in some way. You've earned this grade and I'm proud of you." I cried, not over my final exam, not over all the stress or pressure or anything else I'd been going through. No, I cried because she saw me and was proud of me. How pathetic is that???

Now, anyway, because I am proud, here is some stuff I did for it.

A stop motion video was one aspect I put a lot of energy into. Featuring my 30+ year old bear Nelson.

Black out poetry, including a large book I made where I took one of the very long academic texts we read, made it into a fantasy novel using blackout, and explained that papers like that were destroying creativity.

And the dinosaur... We'd been given an assignment to take a piece of real art and make it into our own. The professor did not approve of me adding Godzilla and a volcano to a Tate Modern piece, so I went away and made a dinosaur out of Tate Modern... You can see how difficult a student I was.

Right! Enough sappy stuff now! Destroying my angst vibes!

[mixelation]

What do you think is watsonian reason for existence of latin alphabet in elemental countries of naruto world. Are they just closes "translation" for a quirk in a writing system or are they product of some other twist?

My go-to explanation for why Naruto characters speak modern Japanese with all its loan words and borrowed alphabets when there’s no evidence of other languages existing BESIDES the loan words/etc is that it’s “in translation.” So they’re not ACTUALLY speaking modern Japanese, it’s just been “translated” for a modern Japanese audience. They might not even be really using kanji.

That being said I would also accept a hand-wavy “it’s imported from abroad.” Although my personal opinion on this approach is that if you go deeper than a hand wave, you WILL end up screwing yourself over unless you’re like. Tolkien. So I think the best solution is to simply not think about it too much lol

[ballistabeats]

[song translation] 1 - MOB CHOIR

i keep saying i'm going to post my song tls to this blog so i might as well start with a brand new one! i translated the lyrics to the full version of "1", the mob psycho 100 season 3 OP, which goes so hard not only musically but lyrically also.

still working on finishing up tls for "cobalt" and "Exist" but for now..."1" :)

english translation under the cut, followed by the lyrics in romaji & kanji; to see them all side-by-side click here!

1 - MOB CHOIR

I realized my youth was gray This restlessness is an unknown quantity Emotion train running parallel to my brain Adolescence in struggle

Don’t disturb my deep psyche Whose is the face lurking behind it? The distortion of opposing thoughts Now cleanse yourself of your distress See what you can do now? My life Let me break it down

(Want) Desire (Young) And sincerity (Burn) Are both budding (One) In my chest (Trance) I’m not awake (Chance) I want to wake up (Stance) Take both sides (One) And put them back-to-back Accept me as I am (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) I’m counting on you every day in this relationship (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) If we could just become one (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) That smile would be our one and only one (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!)

No regrets in life, it’s showtime The details of our future are still TBD And your trick, you’re the sidekick I’m going with Your rhythm

Don’t seek the questions, taking them as you find them The era of competing delusions The distortion of separating emotions Double-edged instincts I don’t care to be bad I said, she started making me proud

(Want) From ruin (Young) To indestructibility (Burn) This power (One) Resonates within me (Trance) I can’t set it free (Chance) I want to set it free (Stance) The past and the future (One) Pile up into history Today is the day we were left dissatisfied Our day of happiness is coming The world you cried your eyes out in Is our one and only one

(Want) Whether it’s 100 (Young) Whether it’s 0 (Burn) I’ll make a door (One) Into infinity (Trance) I haven’t acknowledged it (Chance) I want to acknowledge it (Stance) Checking all my answers (One) Against myself

(Want) Desire (Young) And sincerity (Burn) Are both budding (One) In my chest (Trance) I’m not awake (Chance) I want to wake up (Stance) Take both sides (One) And put them back-to-back Accept me as I am (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) A relationship where we’re free to argue with each other If we could just become one That smile would be our one and only one

One (Mob, Mob, Wow) (Mob, Mob, Wow) One and only one (Mob, Mob, Wow) One (Mob, Mob, Wow) One and only one

-

I realized seishun wa gurei shousou no shoutai wa fumei kanjou train heisou suru brain agaku adolescence

Don’t disturb shinsou shinri ushiro no shoumen wa dare? taiji suru sounen distortion arae urei wo See what you can do now? My life Let me break it down

(Want) yokubou mo (Young) seijitsu mo (Burn) kono mune de (One) mebaete kuru (Trance) mezamenai (Chance) mezametai (Stance) uraomote (One) senaka awase ari no mama wo ukete irete (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) tsune ni yoroshiku Relation (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) hitotsu ni nareta nara (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) sono egao wa one and only one (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!)

No regrets jinsei show time shourai no shousai wa mitei And your trick meyasu saidokikku sadame Your rizumu

Don’t seek, find mondai taking kyousou de bousou no sedai kairi suru shinjou distortion moroha no honnou I don’t care to be bad I said, she started making me proud

(Want) hametsu kara (Young) fumetsu e to (Burn) kono chikara (One) kyoumei suru (Trance) hanatenai (Chance) hanachitai (Stance) kako mirai (One) tsumu hisutorii saenakatta kyou to iu da (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) shiawase to yobu hi ga kuru (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) nakiharasu me de ita (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) sono sekai ga one and only one (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!)

(Want) hyaku datte (Young) zero datte (Burn) mugen e no (One) tobira ni suru (Trance) mitomenai (Chance) mitometai (Stance) jibun to no (One) kotae awase

(Want) yokubou mo (Young) seijitsu mo (Burn) kono mune de (One) mebaete kuru (Trance) mezamenai (Chance) mezametai (Stance) uraomote (One) senaka awase ari no mama wo ukete irete (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) semegiau jiyuu Relation (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) hitotsu ni nareta nara (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) sono egao wa one and only one (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!)

One (Mob, Mob, Wow) (Mob, Mob, Wow) One and only one (Mob, Mob, Wow) One (Mob, Mob, Wow) One and only one

-

​​I realized 青春はグレイ 焦燥の正体は不明 感情train 並走するbrain 足掻くadolescence

Don't disturb 深層心理 後ろの正面はだれ？ 対峙する想念distortion 洗え憂いを See what you can do now? My life Let me break it down

Want 欲望も Young 誠実も Burn この胸で One 芽生えてくる Trance 目覚めない Chance 目覚めたい Stance 裏表 One 背中合わせ ありのままを受け入れて (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) 常によろしく Relation (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) 1つになれたなら (Hey! Hey! Hey!) その笑顔は one and only one (Hey! Hey! Hey!)

No regrets 人生 show time 将来の詳細は未定 And your trick 目安サイドキック定め Your リズム

Don't seek, find 問題 taking 競争で妄想の世代 乖離する心情distortion 諸刃の本能 I don't care to be bad I said, she started making me proud

Want 破滅から Young 不滅へと Burn この力 One 共鳴する Trance 放てない Chance 放ちたい Stance 過去未來 One 積むヒストリー 冴えなかった今日という日だ (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) 幸せと呼ぶ日が来る (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) 泣きはらす目でいた (Hey! Hey! Hey!) その世界が one and only one (Hey! Hey! Hey!)

Want 百だって Young ゼロだって Burn 無限への One 扉にする Trance 認めない Chance 認めたい Stance 自己との One 答え合わせ

Want 欲望も Young 誠実も Burn この胸で One 芽生えてくる Trance 目覚めない Chance 目覚めたい Stance 裏表 One 背中合わせ ありのままを受け入れて (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) 鬩ぎ合う自由 Relation (Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!) 1つになれたなら (Hey! Hey! Hey!) その笑顔は one and only one (Hey! Hey! Hey!)

One (Mob, Mob, Wow) (Mob, Mob, Wow) One and only one (Mob, Mob, Wow) One (Mob, Mob, Wow) One and only one

[melancholysway]

Serendipity (2007!Raphael x Fem!Reader) 7

CHAPTER VII: Connectedness

Chapter key:

——— = a flashback is happening or ending (——— followed by italics means the flashback is beginning)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ or ====

= perspective change

~ = small time skip

It had been a couple of weeks since you first met Raphael’s family. Determined to learn more about each member, you took the time to know each turtle individually.

You started first with Leonardo. He was the one you sensed that was wary of you the most. In just a few weeks, you learned some about who you later found out was the leader of the brothers.

---

“Leo?” After a couple of soft knocks on the shut wooden door, Leonardo pauses moments from beginning his meditation. He recognizes your voice and gets up from his criss-cross position.

Sliding the door open, he’s greeted with your smiling face. The only time the two of you have exchanged words was when you first met him, and the little comments you made here and there in a group conversation together.

“Hey, I was actually gonna start my woo-sa session,” Looking behind Leonardo, you see the different shelves full of lit candles and ambient white-noise playing from a tiny speaker.

“Did I interrupt? My bad, I just wanted to say hey to you,” Leonardo shakes his head and tells you it’s okay, inviting you inside the dojo.

“The vibe is nice in here,” You compliment, Leo seemed very clear of mind, and he thinks about how you would feel if he asked if you wanted to join him for a bit. Judging by the way Raphael has been acting around you, it’s clear that the turtle has a thing for you, and he didn’t want to get in the way of it or cause his brother to be jealous.

“That’s the point of meditation, you need a clear room with good energy and a good mindset to reach nirvana,” Sitting back down in his position on the chestnut rug with Japanese kanji text woven into it (thanks Raphael, for knitting that,) he pats the spot across from him, and you walk over to sit, accepting his invitation.

“Wanna try?” He asks. Leonardo seemed to enjoy meditation when it was on his own, but he was pausing his session to teach you how to do it. So, why not take this opportunity?

“Yeah, I’ll give it a shot.” You mimic Leo’s position, and sit criss-cross, your elbows resting on your knees. He takes a deep breath in, and you do the same.

“The goal is to clear your mind, anything negative you may be feeling prior to this session should be gone by the end of it.” You like the sound of that, the only thing you’ve been stressed about somewhat is work. Everything in your life has been going great so far, you repaired your friendship with Raphael, and you expanded your friend circle when he introduced you to his family. Was there something else that might be making you slightly stressed?

Maybe the fact that you were struggling with your feelings toward the hothead. You’re trying to find some type of courage to figure out what to say to him. I mean, what’s the worst he can say? He doesn’t see you that way? Besides, there’s been plenty of times you both have flirted with each other (although in a joking manner.)

So yes, maybe you needed this meditation session.

You follow Leo’s instructions, and he takes his time teaching you the proper way to begin meditating. It’s something new to you, but you were open to trying something that infatuated one of Raph’s brothers. Copying Leo, you’re breathing in and out the same time as he does, and you soon find yourself calm. Closing his eyes, you do the same, darkness now engulfing your sight.

Your mind on the other hand immediately raced to Raphael.

Your friendship hadn’t changed, if anything, it was better. But he constantly made his way into your thoughts, especially when you were down in the lair.

Speaking of the lair, it was a great place. Something new always happened down there, and you came to love it. Whether it be Leonardo trying to cook something, Donatello blowing something up in his lab, Splinter giving you the latest gossip on his soap opera, or Michelangelo playing a new video game and skateboarding in places he shouldn’t.

Raphael seemed to like spending the most time with you when he could anytime you were down in the lair. Alone, might I add. Sure, he spent time with his brothers and you as a group, but he much preferred to be with you alone. Whether it be trying to impress you in the dojo when he decided to give you some self-defense lessons, or just chilling in his room (you came to like Raphael’s room, it was quite comfortable.)

Speaking of, Raph’s room (although it might be pretty shocking to some,) is clean. During Leonardo’s absence and when he was the Nightwatcher, Raphael only really used his room to sleep. Unlike his brother Donatello who had tiny little inventions scattered on his desks everywhere, and Mikey who had a bunch of random items he bought online with his Cowabunga Carl money. Leonardo is the turtle with the cleanest room, and Raph comes in second place. Raph’s living quarters become slightly cluttered if he’s having a not-so-good day, or Mikey’s been inside. Not only that, but he makes sure it’s spotless when you visit (just in case.) he usually only had weights neatly stacked if he wanted to get a quick workout in his hammock.

Anyways, back to your meditation session.

Unbeknownst to you, a whole hour had passed. You opened your eyes after you felt several taps on your shoulder by Leonardo. He smiles, “How was it?”

“I feel like…” “Brand new?” The brown-eyed turtle finishes your sentence. You laugh slightly and nod, “Yeah, brand new.”

“Glad I was the one who popped your meditation cherry,” You give Leonardo a poker face and he gives one back, and suddenly both erupt in a fit of laughter and snorts.

“Mikey is constantly moving and distracted, Donnie can’t seem to clear his mind, and Raph isn’t always up to meditate most of the time.” It was mainly Leonardo and Master Splinter who took meditation seriously and made it one of their hobbies, so you were open to meditating more.

After talking with Leonardo a bit after, you realized he was a pretty easy-going turtle. He sometimes could be cocky due to his leadership title, but he always was able to back it up. Not only that, but he was still getting used to being back in New York. He was so used to foraging and finding food in the outskirts of the South American village he protected, that his diet didn’t go back to normal until a whole month after his return. He gladly told you stories about the people he protected, how they didn’t have much but were so appreciative of every little thing they received. He still regrets prolonging his training, as it hurt his and Raph’s relationship, but he’s trying. Trying to make up for lost time. Trying to make up for the fact his brothers at one point thought he was possibly dead in South America when the letters stopped, and it took a toll, especially on Raphael. Leonardo knows that he and Raphael are indestructible as a pair, so it’s important to him that he mends their relationship.

While Raphael and Leonardo argue often (usually about the dumbest things, like “where’d you hide the remote,” or “did you eat my leftover pizza you thief,” you get the idea,) it’s just sibling rivalry. In terms of combat, Raphael is always Leonardo’s first choice when it comes to teaming up or splitting into groups of two during a mission. Although it’s hard for Raph to follow orders if he has a better idea, he still teams up well with Leo. The reason tensions were at an all-time high when Leonardo came back was because Leonardo was inserting himself into things about Raph’s life he wasn’t around for. So, who was he to just stroll in and tell Raph what he should and shouldn’t do when he’s been gone for nearly two years?

Not only that, but Raphael wants to lead. Since Splinter chose Leonardo all those years ago when they were 15 to be the leader, Raphael has wondered what was so special about the oldest brother. It could’ve been Donnie, who was smart and thought every plan through before they even started, (not Mikey, definitely not Mikey,) or Raph. Raphael has a strong personality that often clashes with Leo. Raph is more direct, crude, and uses violence to get his way when it comes to criminals and the Foot, while Leo is the opposite. He’s more glass half full, uses reasoning, and is calmer (he also doesn’t put up with Raphael’s shit most of the time, and lets him know that.) The difference between the two, and why Leonardo was chosen, was because Raphael lets his anger get the best of him at times, and that is the most lethal trait to have.

You noticed Raphael’s anger showed the most when he spoke about criminals or Leonardo during his training. It was never directed to you intentionally, although you may get a sarcastic remark back sometimes when you talked to him, or one-worded answers when he was not at his best. Raphael displayed anger when he talked since he didn’t know how to express how he felt through words at times.

---

“You seem down tonight, Raph.” Sitting beside Raphael on your bed, he sighs as his metal form lays on your bed in frustration.

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem like it,” you retort.

“I said I’m fine.” You were still getting used to Raphael. Even though you both talked over dinner for the first time a couple of weeks ago, you were still getting to know him. Just a few moments ago, Raphael came knocking on your window. You had opened it up, and he greeted you with a quiet ‘hey,’ then proceeded to plop down on your bed.

Instead of prying inside Raph’s mind, you decide to stay silent. Besides, some people liked to have company while they sat in silence. You knew how it was when you had a bad day and didn’t want to talk to anyone. But, you enjoyed having Stella beside you while you quietly were in your thoughts.

So, you sat next to Raph in silence. His helmet indicated he was staring up at your ceiling and said not one word.

You didn’t mind it, though. Raphael was never a burden to you, anyway. No matter the few times he randomly came over without notice. So, you grabbed a book from the nightstand next to your bed to pass the time. You needed to read a chapter for your 11 AM class the next day anyway, so now was a good time.

After what appeared to be an hour and change, Raphael sits upright and turns to you.

“Me n Casey were doin’ our regula route, until we got on the roof n heard a woman screamin,' ' Setting down your book in front of you and turning to Raph, you give him a confused look.

“I don’t…no, I do know what happened, I just…fuck!” He angrily slammed his metal fist on your bed, and if it wasn’t a soft surface, it definitely would’ve scared you. You’re wondering what exactly Raphael saw to make him act this way, so you ask.

“Tha same that woulda happened to ya that night,” You caught on, and it made your stomach churn. “But we were too late. I failed…an…how can fuckin’ people be that way?!” Raphael continues to yell about how the Purple Dragons are pieces of shit, and he’s right. He goes on about how he saw red and beat all of them up in one shot while Casey helped the woman. She saw The Nightwatcher fight her attackers, then passed out; and was scratched and bruised. They bring her to the hospital, and they take it from there. He’s so heated (and for good reason,) that he doesn’t realize you get up to stand in front of him on the bed.

���Raph, I know, it’s the worst thing a woman and even a man can experience. I know, people are terrible. But think about how many more ‘Purple Dragons’ are out there that do the same thing that we don’t even know about, you at least are stopping those terrible men in this city.” You have a point there, and Raphael knows it. But, it’s the way he thinks, even though he can’t save everyone.

“You’re a protector, I see that. You have empathy, I feel that. You constantly keep New York City safe, and you saved this woman from being left out in the street vulnerable. She’s going to wake up knowing there are good people in the world. She’s going to wake up knowing you saved her. It’s a traumatic thing anyone can go through, I know that, but just think about how grateful she was when you saved her from any more harm.”

It wasn’t the way you spoke or the passion in your eyes. It was your words. You constantly found the right words to make Raphael feel better, and if not all the time, you were always right.

You wondered if you said the right thing to Raphael, as he is still looking at you through his visor. He lifts his arm and gently moves you to the side. Raphael gets up, and heads toward your window.

“Um…did I say something wrong?” You ask, confused as to why Raph is acting this way, he shakes his head, back turned to you.

“Nah, you…” He pauses, then sighs, “I needed ta hear that.”

Raphael leaves, and you’re alone again in your room, content that you said what you said.

11:30 PM

You always know what to say n what I need to hear without even tryin

11:32 PM

You didn’t fail, Raph. I don’t see it that way, and nobody in New York sees it that way either. I'm sure of it, you’re a protector.

Sometimes, Raphael was caught up in beating himself down (much like Leonardo does,) that he doesn’t see all the good he’s done. He was glad that he had a friend like you to level out his mind when he got that way, and he couldn’t appreciate you more.

---

You were satisfied with your meditation session and would try to integrate it into your nightly routine as a way to sleep better. You could thank Leonardo for that.

Leonardo thought you were pretty chill. Though he didn’t say it out loud. Initially, he was wary of you and wanted to know the full story about how you knew about Raphael. So, you told him after meditating when he asked.

He was sympathetic towards you once you told him.

“The Nightwatcher wasn’t his best time as it went against Sensei’s wishes, but I’m glad he saved people. He used his skills for good, that’s for sure.” He responded.

Then, he started to talk about how he felt after coming back from South America.

“I wasn’t…myself at one point. I was so caught up in being the best leader I can be, I failed to see that my brothers needed me,” Leonardo was sincere, and you could tell he still regrets his extended time abroad.

“You can’t change the past, but you’re here now, Leonardo. From the looks of it, I see the relationships you have with your brothers are pretty healthy.”

Leo needed to hear that.

He needed to hear that he was doing just fine. Someone other than Splinter to tell him he was doing a good job, on the whole, coming back from South America thing.

“Although I wasn’t here before you left for your training, I see a stronger leader in front of me who cares about the wellbeing of his family. You’re doing just fine, Leo.”

Leonardo’s eyes widen, he isn’t used to hearing such sincere words from anyone but Splinter or April. So when he hears it from you, someone he hasn’t known for so long (and whose words are spot on,) he’s appreciative.

“Thank you, Y/n.”

All in all, you felt closer to the leader in blue than you did the first day you met him.

~

Two days later, you came back to the lair.

Now it was Donnie’s turn.

You were sitting with three out of the four brothers, as Donnie was cooped up in his lab working on something.

“I win, little brother!” The winning Mortal Kombat cutscene is displayed on the TV screen, and Leonardo basks in his victory. Mikey sighs dramatically and gives the controller to Raph. The four of you were currently having a Kombat match against each other, and you reigned victorious against Leonardo, while Raphael beat Michelangelo, leaving them two to figure out who would make fourth place. Looks like it was Mikey. To be fair, Mikey was up all night previously “training” for this match, so he was playing half-awake.

“Best two out of three?” Mikey asks sheepishly, and Leonardo looks at him laughing, “Sure, watch me beat you again. Raph, keep count of how many times I win against Mikey.” Leo seemed to be into video games when it was necessary, and he liked the little competition it brought.

“I feel like Donnie would win against you, Leo.” You say, looking over at the lab. You hadn’t seen Donnie since you got here. Raphael had told you one night that Donnie was always working on something, always trying to stimulate his brain, always trying something new. He had only come out of the lab for more coffee, or to toast up a pop tart (yeah, his diet is terrible, poor guy.)

“You think so? I disagree.” Leonardo seemed to have a personality shift when he wasn’t in “leader mode,” He was more outgoing, less bossy (according to Raph,) and loved to find a way to have a little brotherly competition. Raphael did say Leo was always in leader mode when he got back from South America, but he’s slowly but surely going back to how he used to be.

So, you did exactly what Leonardo ordered: get Donatello.

Getting up from the spot next to Raph on the couch, you make your way down the hall to Donatello’s lab. You can hear soft classical music playing on the other side of the door, and you knock.

“Come in!” He calls out, opening the door, you see the purple-clad turtle tinkering with a small device on his table, holding a tool that looks hard for someone with larger hands like him to use.

“Oh, hey, Y/n. I didn’t know you were here,” Donnie says as he looks up at you, you smile as he continues working on the little item in his hands. He has these magnifying goggles on, and he looks pretty funny. His brown eyes are much bigger because of them, and you can faintly see specs of light honey brown in his eyes.

“I’ve been here for a good hour and a half,” You say, “Mortal Kombat tourney.”

“I totally forgot about that, has Mikey lost yet?”

“He was the first to.”

“I knew it, he owes me twenty bucks now.”

Donnie offers you a seat next to him which you accept, as you watch him staring intently at what now looks like a broken phone with a shell on it.

“I didn’t take you as someone who likes classical,” You motion to his PC that’s gently playing music.

Donatello smiles, “It helps me focus better.”

After a short small talk with Donnie, he tells you that he’s working on fixing Mikey’s shell-cell, (this also was when he told you he invented functioning phones that were probably better than the phones today, as they were slightly more technologically advanced thanks to his smarts.) Mikey accidentally dropped it while skateboarding the other day, and it cracked. You wondered what else the turtle has made, and he tells you.

He explains anything he can get his hands on, he’ll fix or upgrade. He helped Raph make his bike, and other than the shellraiser (that wound up being Mikey’s Cowabunga Carl van,) it’s his most fun invention yet. How years ago when they were still in their young teens, he “upgraded” an animatronic at April's job at a kids' pizza party place, and it turned into a disaster.

“She got fired, but hey, it gave me an excuse to fix something,” He finishes.

He then explains what else he’s made. How he used to have insecurities about his weapon of choice. He wished he could have a weapon as lethal as Leo’s, or as sharp as Raph’s. So, he tried to upgrade his weapon. After fighting with it during a mission to stop the foot from transporting mutagen from TCRI, it malfunctioned. Long story short, he’s content with his bo staff now.

Donatello also talks about the many times he’s fixed objects around the lair. After explaining how Leonardo can’t cook to save his life, he says he has to fix the toaster often. Other times, he has to repair the practice dummy in the dojo, because Raphael has so much energy to let out after sparring or training, that he takes it out on the poor guy.

He’s scared he’s been talking too much; that he might bore you to death as he does to Raph. He can’t help when he gets excited about his inventions. But, this leaves his mind when he sees a graceful smile upon your lips as you ask the question that’s been in your head since he started talking.

“Which invention are you most proud of?”

“Well,” He pulls an item out of the drawer beside him, and it’s a small MP3 player that looks peculiar.

“Around the time we were almost 17, we busted into an abandoned TCRI lab, I was searching for scraps I could use, and I found an incredibly advanced micro-chip made from, get this!” Donnie starts to rile himself up, and you can see the excitement in his eyes. His voice is higher, and he sounds like a teenage girl geeking over her favorite boy band.

“Self-assembled chain-link copolymers!”

“Wow!”

“I know!” He squeals.

“I don’t know what that means exactly, but it sounds interesting, Donnie!” It appears you set off a light in Donnie’s head because he grins widely and puts Mikey’s shell-cell to the side.

“Now, if you don’t mind, let me tell you about the origin of chain-link copolymers,”

After 20 minutes of Donatello giving you a history lesson (you were very lost, but he seemed excited to tell you about it,) he tells you that this advanced piece of military technology causes the MP3 player to continuously upgrade and download new music by itself. It’s really interesting, the way Donatello explains it. His vocabulary is extremely complex when speaking of science.

The topic is changed when you find a common interest in a most recent conspiracy theory that’s brought up soon after. Donnie is a really intelligent turtle, from his knowledge to his vocabulary. His personality was a mixture of a nerdy smart ass, and a fangirl when it comes to science. It was easy to talk to him, however, he would bring up a scientific theory you had no knowledge of briefly, but he gladly took the time to explain it to you. Donatello speaks quickly because he has so much pent-up knowledge that his brothers really don’t want to hear about, he has to let it out in some way. Afterward, a few knocks are heard on the door, and Donnie grants them entry. Once the door is opened it reveals his older brother, Raphael.

“Leo thinks he can beat cha, and he won’t shut tha hell up ‘bout it, I’m gettin’ tortured out there,”

“Statistically speaking, I have a much higher chance of beating Leo than all of you combined,” You giggle in response, and Donnie gets up from his seat.

You follow Raphael and Donatello out of the lab and take a seat back on the couch.

“Booty Shaker Nine Thousand is out of his cave!” Mikey exclaims, earning a laugh from everyone but you and Donatello.

“Will you ever put that to rest?” Donnie sighs.

“I’m never gonna let you live it down, bro.”

“Live what down?” You ask curiously. All three brothers smirk, as Donnie tries to steer them away from the story they’re about to tell.

“Four years ago, Splinter had us handcuffed together for a bonding exercise. It was meant to build our team's morale,” Leonardo starts. Donatello rolls his eyes, honestly, his family and friends knew the story at this point, so it’s only right they tell you.

You were damn near laughing by the end of the story.

During this team bonding, Donatello was handcuffed in between Mikey and Leo, and couldn’t type on his computer. So, when Raphael was trying to figure out the password and got it incorrectly four times (another will lock him out of Donnie’s computer,) the purple bandana turtle caved in.

“It was booty shakah’ nine thousand, wit what?” Raphael snickers and smirks at his little brother, who sighs in defeat.

“Capital B and three Y’s. What? You knew I loved to dance,” You chuckle at the funny story that puts a glimpse into the turtles' lives when they were a couple of years younger. You wondered what other stories they were keeping from you.

“You guys remember when Splinter had us gang up on Raph during sparring and allowed us to insult him?” Mikey breaks down in laughter at the thought, and you couldn’t help but laugh as well.

“Dontcha fuckin’ dare, Mikey!”

~

Oh, Michelangelo.

The final turtle. You had already felt pretty close to Mikey from the moment you met him. The baby blue-eyed turtle. He seemed very excited every time you came to the lair for the past couple of days. He was extremely talkative and loved your company. He remembered how Donnie fixed your camera and asked if you could bring it when you came down.

He did in fact use up all your film (which you didn’t mind, Mikey is allowed to be starstruck by a polaroid camera, and you were flattered he was intrigued by your hobby.) Mikey took more photos than you did in one day. He would take surprisingly good off-guards of his brothers (Raph actively avoided Mikey when you came down to the lair with your camera.) and you planned on getting Mikey a small photo album book to keep them in. The one Splinter has is filled up already with photos from their youth (you have yet to go through it with him and the turtles.) The first photo he took on your camera was the two of you, and you had to take another one to keep for yourself. Michelangelo was a bundle of joy and clearly was the comedic relief of the group.

Needless to say, the time you’ve spent so far with Mikey has been welcoming.

So when he heard you were coming down to the lair today, he was ecstatic.

Splinter had invited you to watch the brothers spar to pick up on some self-defense moves. Leonardo was ready to show off his skills, Donnie was nervous, he always wasn’t so good when people watched him spar (especially April, even today he still gets nervous.) Michelangelo was always excited to show some of his moves. Raphael on the other hand was actually feeling anxious. Sure, you’ve seen him fight before once, but not without his suit, or with his real weapon. He made sure he was in tip-top shape for this sparring session, as he wanted to win against all of his brothers. It wasn’t the competitive part of him, it was the “I want to impress Y/n” part of him.

---

“Ya actually comin’?” Raphael asked as you continued brushing your hair in the mirror. Sparring normally started around 7 AM every morning, and finished at around 9 or 10 depending on Splinter. When Splinter informed his sons after having the conversation with you about it, Raphael took it upon himself (like he always does,) to swing by your house and walk you to the lair. He was shocked you were wanting to see him and his brother's spar. He wondered how he was gonna wake you up, but he didn’t have to. There you were through the window, bright and early brushing out your beautiful h/c hair while Stella watched from your bed.

“Shell yeah I am!” Raphael couldn’t help but smile slightly at the way you picked up on him and his brother's lingo. “I get to pick up on some of your moves-”

“Just my moves?”

“You know what I meant,”

“I actually don’t,” Looking at Raph through the mirror, you see him smirk at you, to which you stick your tongue out playfully.

“Who knows,” You turn around after placing your brush on the vanity dresser. “I might get to see you get your shell kicked- again-, that’s a great way to start my morning.” You responded to Raph’s sarcasm, to which he laughed.

“Ha! Don’t make me keel ova laughin’ this early. Ya have no idea what ya’re ‘bout ta witness, Y/n,” Raphael says. His pride was not to be tampered with today, and he was anxious enough. But, he was ready for you to eat those words once the sparring began and ready for you to be starstruck.

But still, what if somehow, he was caught off guard?

---

Michelangelo was notorious for using his pranking skills to his advantage and often would play around during sparring. He would trip his brothers with his nunchucks at such high speed, that they never saw it coming. Other times, he would pull out a smoke pellet or water balloon and throw it at them (Splinter still doesn’t know where he keeps them, he has so many.)

So whenever Raph went up against Mikey, he wouldn’t mess around. Losing to Mikey solely because of a water balloon to the head was embarrassing, to say the least.

Finishing up, you take a look in the mirror one last time. Lately, you’ve been taking a bit of extra time to make sure you look presentable when you meet up with Raphael. It didn’t bother him, per se. In fact, he cheered on the inside when you decided to wear your hair out in its natural state. And, the little things. Like today, where you ditched the oversized sweats and put on a pair of loose shorts. Both were equally comfortable, and it allowed you to let some skin show. A long sleeve tee with a pair of vans, and you were ready to go.

You were undeniably beautiful. Raphael still beats himself up for that one night in the city with you where he completely embarrassed himself talking out loud. He remembered the look of pure happiness on your face when he accidentally turned his thoughts into words. He wondered how it would’ve gone if he told you how he was starting to feel about you right then and there.

Yes, hothead Raphael. tempered, rash, crude, and violent teddy bear Raphael is embarrassed because of an innocent college girl. Although he was your age and mature enough, he still has the hopeless romantic teenage boy inside of him (much like Donatello.)

~

“Good morning, Miss Y/n.” After following Raphael to the dojo, Splinter is the first to greet you. Leonardo is there, too. He sits alone beside the candles along the worn wooden shelves, polishing his katana blades. His chocolate brown eyes have a glint of admiration in them, as he carefully cleans his weapon with ease. He smiles to himself as he looks through his reflection in one of the twin blades.

The dojo is beautiful. It has many different weapons from Japanese culture during the Samurai period. Beautifully smelted katanas sit in their cases on the top shelf, with midnight black and wine red wooden carved sheaths surrounding them. The floor is an old wooden tile that’s been polished and used for training. There’s a large tree that sits around the middle of the room, and you wonder how it grows without any sun. There are many different Japanese symbols around the dojo. There’s one on the rug near the blades, but you aren’t quite sure what it means. Next, there’s black paint in the middle of the birch wooden floor that makes out a kanji symbol as well. It’s a beautiful atmosphere in the dojo currently, and you can’t wait to see the turtles fight.

“Good Morning, Master Splinter; Leo.” As Leonardo finishes up, he replies with a “Good morning” back. Afterward, Donatello and Michaelangelo both come into the dojo, and everyone is there. Mikey walks up to you and gives you a big hug, to which you give back. He smells faintly of fresh spring- probably from the soap he used this morning. Raphael glares at his youngest brother, although Mikey hugs anybody he could get his hands on. Donatello waves his hello, and you return the gesture. You could tell by Donnie’s body language that he was on edge.

“Each of my sons will spar against one another, feel free to ask questions if you have any. I or Leonardo will be more than happy to answer.” Leonardo looks up and gives a slight smile towards you after hearing his name from Splinter as if to let you know to not be afraid to ask as many questions as you want. You feel comfortable to be observing and kneeling next to Master Splinter, giving you a full view of the center. You see that each turtle is in one corner of the room. Leonardo is to your top right, Donnie your top left. Raphael is at your bottom left, and Mikey is at your bottom right.

Splinter begins by pairing up Leonardo with Mikey. Already, Mikey’s groaning in defeat when the fight didn’t even begin yet.

“Come on, Sensei! You know I’m gonna lose the second we start!” Michelangelo was hoping he could go up against Donatello first. They’re around the same skill level, and he’d sure pick Donnie over fighting Leo. Although Mikey knows he's guaranteed to lose this round, he still has some tricks up his shell.

“You will never know unless you try, Michelangelo. Hajime!”

~

“Ow.”

“Ow!”

“DUDE!” After being pinned by Leonardo once again, Mikey manages to flip over back on his feet. He’s not tired at all, and neither is Leonardo. If it were up to Mikey, he could probably go for around 2 hours with the right competitor, so long as it’s not Leo.

“What? It’s trai-” Catching Leonardo slightly off-guard from his outburst, Michelangelo throws a smoke pellet in front of him, then disappears. You’re watching in awe, wondering how he just did that without Leo noticing.

“The goal of defense is to divert your opponent’s attention to get an opening, Miss Y/n.” Master Splinter says to you, not taking his eyes off the fight. A cloud of smoke appears behind Leonardo, and Mikey is right behind ready to make his move.

However, Leonardo knows his brother’s tricks too well.

This goes on for quite some time. Mikey is dropping smoke pellets every time Leo gets close, and laughing as he moves to different areas of the dojo. Leonardo is slightly annoyed but knows that Mikey has to preserve the rest of the pellets for the other spars. Once Mikey finished teasing Leo, he’s now looking for a way to get him to be distracted, while Leonardo is waiting for Mikey to call it quits. He’s already feeling bad enough that he’s his little brother’s first opponent of the morning. Suddenly, Leonardo catches his little brother off guard while doing a backflip, and he messes up his landing.

Now, Leo is on the offense, jabbing his katanas in places Mikey can easily defend for the sake of safety and sparring. He’s continuously doing this, not giving his brother a break at all, which is just cruel, Leonardo.

Before it gets too close, Leo grabs Mikey’s nunchuck and flips him over once again on his shell, but this time, Leonardo sits on top of his plastron.

“Yame!” With that, Leonardo gets up from Mikey and extends a hand for his little brother to grab. Groaning, the blue-eyed turtle accepts his hand weakly and slowly stands on his two feet, rubbing his head in discomfort.

“You have fought well, Michelangelo, but I have told you, there is always a way. No matter who the opponent is, you must give it your all, even if it is against the leader. Do not automatically assume you will lose just because of Leonardo’s title. He has weaknesses, too.”

“Hai, Sensei.” Bowing down, Mikey kneels in the corner. How this works is, that he will wait for the next person to lose (or win) against Leonardo to spar with next. No matter the victory or defeat, each turtle will spar with one another at some point during this session.

“Donatello, it is your time.” It seemed like Donnie was in his own thoughts because as soon as he heard his name, his eyes and head perked up at the sound of it. He chuckles nervously at his Sensei and walks toward the center of the dojo.

“Um, hey Leo.” As Donatello retrieves his wooden box staff from the back of his shell, Leonardo draws his katanas and gets into his fighting stance.

“You look nervous.”

“No! Me? Never!”

“If you say so Donnie,” Looking over at Master Splinter, Donatello sighs. His Master can sense the nervousness within him, and thinks it’ll be a short round. But, who knows?

Donnie gets into his fighting stance, but he looks very tense. Not relaxed, unlike Leonardo.

“Hajime!”

~

“How can I…” Donatello says to himself as Leonardo runs straight to him with his attack. Donatello has been able to get some hits in, same with Leonardo. However, Donnie is carefully watching how Leonardo moves, and his mannerisms. Thinking analytically of what his next move should be. However, Leonardo can think on his feet and beats Donatello to the punch with an attack. Donnie tries to do what his younger brother did to Leo and throws him off. After pressing a button the end of Donnie’s Bo staff turns into a blade, and Leonardo is cautious (although he knows Donnie won’t hurt him,) and is on the defensive. He dodges multiple attacks from Donatello, all while Donnie is thinking about each move he makes and how it’ll affect the outcome of this sparring match.

Donatello is not the best when it comes to strength, he’s more of the weaker ones in the group. He is, however, stronger in the intelligence category.

He’s well aware of his limits and how long he can fight and strives to overcome them by stepping out of his comfort zone. He’s already up for a challenge when his weapon requires extreme skill to do damage to his opponent.

This fight goes on longer than the last with Mikey, as it’s a lot of circling each other for Don and Leo after the first few attacks. Donnie is analyzing Leonardo, and Leonardo is waiting for his attack so he can counter it and finish.

This comes quick, as Donatello dodges the sudden attack from Leonardo, and before the leader can get back to defend himself, Donnie sweeps him off his feet with his Bo staff, tripping him. It’s not normal for Leonardo to lose, but sometimes, he may mess up a time or two.

“Yame!” Although Leonardo could’ve easily gotten up and taken down Donatello, Splinter calls it quits on this round. Donatello found a way to weasel around Leonardo with his thinking process and was lucky enough to have it be perfectly executed.

Leonardo and Donatello bow to one another. Looking over at Splinter, the rat smiles sincerely at the tech-savvy turtle.

“You still have yet to become confident in your abilities, Donatello. Although you are older, you still have yet to learn to find it within yourself to be self-confident. You are stronger than you may think. Rely on your raw physical talents, not your mental talent, you may not always have time to think during a fight.”

Donatello takes in what his master is saying. He does have a confidence issue, as he thinks he isn’t as good as his brothers when it comes to physique. If anything, he’d rather leave the brute fighting to Raphael.

“Hai, Sensei.”

“You may return to your post, for now, Leonardo. Raphael, please take his place.” Cracking his neck, Raphael is pumping himself up for which brother he has to fight. Donatello is praying to the Gods it’s not him that Raph spars with first because everybody knows the first person Raphael fights against will receive 1000% of Raphael’s pent-up energy.

~

“Sucks to be you now doesn’t it, Mikey?”

“I’m shaking in my shell, dude!” Glaring at Donnie after his comment, Mikey walks toward the center of the dojo, meeting Raphael halfway.

Unfortunately, Michelangelo will be the one to fall victim as being Raph’s first opponent.

Raphael couldn’t seem to smirk at how easy he had it. He thought he would have to go up against Leonardo first, but he figured Master Splinter knew that would be a long fight and to save it for last. He circled Mikey like he was a rabbit and he the lion, waiting restlessly for Splinter to say the lovely word that allowed him to release all his energy. Raphae’s amber eyes were devoid of any emotion other than passion, he was ready to perform the art he grew up loving so much. Ready to use the pair of sai he’s trained with since he picked them up for the very first time in yet another sparring match; they were so reliable. Mikey’s eyes were filled with anxiousness, which was normal before he sparred with his older brother.

“Hajime!”

===

~

You felt like you were watching a master at work.

You couldn’t help but admire Raph, and only Raph. The way his different muscle groups would flex depending on the move he was doing, or the way the small beads of sweat littered his emerald skin, causing it to glisten in the light. While the point of observing today was to watch both of the opponents, you couldn’t take your eyes off Raphael. You watched as he sprinted toward Mikey immediately after Splinter’s word to begin. How he did multiple flips and spins to throw his baby brother off, stabbing inches away from Mikey’s limbs, and jabbing his sai in Mikey’s plastron when he couldn’t avoid his attacks quick enough. How Raphael does this thing where he looks at his sai’s for a split second before he does another attack on Mikey, to fix his grip if it’s loosening up. Or how he pushes his mask tails out the way when they rest on his shoulder after moving so much, and how sometimes he would purposefully put them over the front of his shoulder so Mikey couldn’t grab them and pull him down.

Raphael is gifted, he knows that.

And now, you finally see why.

You see how he goes for the punch, not thinking twice about his actions. His weapon is close-combat oriented, so he has no time to second-guess himself and his moves.

Raphael clearly has the upper hand in this fight, he’s the strongest member of the team. Mikey knows this and uses rather odd approaches to better his chance at beating Raph.

Like throwing a water balloon at Raphael’s head as he was running toward him.

~

“Mikey!” Raph’s voice booms throughout the dojo. You’re scared for Mikey, knowing he’s probably going to get his ass beat because of that. Raph’s face is slightly red, but you can’t tell if it’s from sweating and adrenaline, or embarrassment.

It’s some of both.

You watch, giggling softly at the comical scene in front of you. Raphael is chasing Mikey around the dojo, and Mikey is throwing smoke pellets left and right to get away from him.

~

“Say ‘hi’ ta Don~” Raphael teases, he tightens his grip on the headlock he has on Mikey, and he uses his sai to make his baby brother’s hand move to say hello to a laughing Donatello. You feel bad for Raph’s little brother right now, but you laugh regardless.

“Hi, Donnie…Okay okay! Mercy!”

Raphael then glances at you, his green lips curling into a smirk along with a wink before he flips Michelangelo over on his back, immobilizing him.

“Yame!”

“Hit me…with…a fuckin-“ “Raphael. Language.” “-sorry, Mastah Splintah. Freakin’ watah balloon again…n’ see what happens,” Getting up, Mikey blows a raspberry at his older brother, then retreats to his designated corner. Raphael stays in the middle, and you continue to observe the rest of the duels.

Raph vs. Donatello ended pretty quickly.

Donnie vs. Mikey, this one was probably the most entertaining in your opinion.

Or so you thought.

Humor-wise, it was fun, but hands-down the best spar to watch was Leonardo vs. Raphael.

It seemed neverending, watching them both completely match each other’s energy. You watch as Raphael uses his sai as a means of offense rather than the defense on Leonardo’s twin katana. The sai were made to defend against the katana, which is what made this exhilarating spar all the more interesting.

It’s coming to a grand climax, Leonardo is getting some great moves in on Raphael, who takes them like a champ. That is until Leo makes him stumble on his two feet, and by that point, he’s retaliating and going on the attack. The loud clash of tamahagane against metal rang all throughout the seemingly quiet dojo, with only the heavy breathing from the two oldest brothers to be heard. You wait in anticipation to see which brother will catch the other in a split-second weak moment, and jump at the opportunity to win the sparring match.

This anticipation, however, is stopped abruptly by Master Splinter.

“Yame!” Suddenly, Leonardo and Raphael back off of one another. You can’t tell who won this exciting finale, but you think it’s a draw. Both are equally talented, and you are sitting wondering who would’ve won if they were able to continue. But, you sit next to Splinter, feeling slightly edged at the fact that you’ll never know who would’ve beat who. Seeing Leonardo and Raphael spar against one another just for that satisfaction is almost a guilty pleasure.

“Although I would like to see how this will play out, I will also like to see Cody break up with Donna. You are all dismissed, and if you need me, I will be watching my morning stories.”

So, that was it, huh?

That was a great start to your morning, and it seemed like an amazing morning workout for the four brothers.

As they all gather their weapons (and Mikey picking up his mess of popped balloons off the floor,) you watch Donnie leave the dojo first, more than likely to claim the shower. Donatello never liked sweating, anyway.

“Makes me feel slimy,” is something he would definitely say.

~

“I knew I came for good reason,” You say as you walk up to your red-banded friend. Raphael glances at you by his side, and he ruffles your h/c hair, his green fingers lingering on your head when he’s finished.

“Ya got ta see Mikey get an ass-whoopin', a well-deserved one too.” He replies. You can tell he’s still on edge, not putting his guard down. This is probably common, Raphael looking around in search of Mikey, to make sure he doesn’t get pranked while being in the comfort of his own sewer.

“Don’t forget the water balloon to the face, I know I won't.”

“I think ya’re a masochist, love seein’ me in pain.” You laugh at Raphael’s response

~

~

~

God, you hated this.

This feeling of anxiousness when you were around Raphael. It was getting harder to ignore it, and you felt like your younger self again in high school crushing over a boy. It was getting quite annoying, that fluttery feeling every time Raphael was around. It was quite frankly, dumb.

Dumb for you, let’s be clear.

Look at you, in freaking college! The last thing you have to worry about is confessing your feelings to a guy, you have, like, 10 assignments due.

And also, you aren’t a sappy teen anymore, you’re a woman! And it’s time you take some charge.

Better said than done, might I add.

Like right now, as you walked with Raphael as usual down to the lair, it seemed like the more the two of you did, the closer you both got. Physically speaking. If you heard a noise in one of the tunnels, you would automatically shift slightly closer to Raph. Who knew what else the sewers could be harboring anyway?

So when Raphael actually insisted on carrying you back home on his shell, as you were visibly tired from your long visit with his family, you knew you had to muster up the courage and tell this turtle you were falling for him.

---

“I gotcha, Y/n,” Raphael whispered. After the movie night with the family and April and Casey, it was around one in the morning. You and Raphael had actually made it to the end of the 4th movie you all had watched awake. Mikey, the most excited for this night, passed out first during the start of the second movie. Everyone followed soon after. With Donatello snoring quietly next to you, and you using Raphael’s shoulder as a headrest, you found yourself ready to fall asleep. That was, until, Raphael said he would take you home. For one, he knew you’d be more comfortable in your bed. Two, it gave him the opportunity for more one-on-one time.

Raphael wondered why he suddenly turned soft when he was attached to a female. It may be because he realized his mutant body is already a turn-off, and his attitude might enhance that. He also didn’t want to scare them off with how dangerous or violent he could be; no- he would save that side of him for combat.

The last thing he would want is to hurt you. If anything, he wants to protect you.

Raphael is notorious for being the most violent, moody, and 2nd place sarcastic member on the team (1st place for most sarcastic goes to Donatello.) But, he’s growing up. Part of growing up for him and his brothers was realizing their flaws, and how to mature past their teens.

For example, Michelangelo tried to implement training more into his days rather than gaming. He’s slowly getting better at it, and this was enhanced during Leo’s absence. He had to stay in shape somehow working with all those deadly children.

Donatello was already mature for his age when he was younger, but he tries little by little to fix his diet- he knows he’s getting older, and he can’t keep living off of pop tarts and coffee because he’s too busy to cook for himself or eat Mikey’s food.

Leonardo is the leader- he had to mature long before his brothers did. He carries the burden of the leader, which means acting maturely in different circumstances when it comes to battles. Leonardo has yet to realize he isn’t Mr. Perfect, no matter how much he trains. To him, his main flaw is that he can’t cook. There’s no way he can fix this, but he hopes that someday he’ll magically get better at it (just in case he gets a girlfriend and wants to cook for her, you know, so he’s preparing for the future.)

Raphael on the other hand is in the middle. Physically, he’s very much matured beyond his teenage years. Mentally, he struggles with his temper at times. It’s not as bad as it was when he was a teen, but he still struggles with it. He’s yet to realize he can’t be mad at the world for being, well, the world, and can’t fix it to his liking all by his lonesome. Raphael’s flaw would probably be the lack of words since he’s always struggling with putting his emotions into sentences. He’s done pretty well with you, but he wonders why he can’t be like that with his family. It may be because he wants to uphold the image as the brother that doesn’t take shit from anyone, or the brother that a lot of things just don’t phase him.

“You’re just as tired as me Big Red, I can walk.” You reply softly. Raphael scoffs, and his half-lidded eyes stare into yours as he smirks.

“I ain’t tired. Com’ere,” Raphael motioned for you to come over after he quietly got off the couch, and you followed suit. He bent down slightly in front of you, welcoming you on his shell. It wasn’t out of the ordinary. Raphael liked having you on his back. He knew you would be safer that way as opposed to mirroring his parkour. The obvious look of tiredness in Raphael’s eyes is what made you feel bad, but he insisted, and Raphael was one stubborn turtle.

The ride on Raph’s shell home seemed to go fast. You were going in and out of sleep when Raphael was going through the sewers, and the only sounds you heard were his steady breathing and water dripping from the many drains. After a couple of minutes, you were out.

Raphael noticed this and took more precautions for the ride to be less bumpy.

Once out of the manhole, he hoisted you up again and back on his back, going up the fire escape and onto the rooftops. He picked up speed and jumped when necessary to not wake you up. Your arms wrapped loosely around his neck, and your legs snaked around his waist, this was the closest he got to you physically.

Finally, Raphael arrived in front of your window. He gently tapped you awake- and as you woke up groggily, he put you down back on your feet. You’re now on the roof next to your apartment window. You faintly see your reflection from it, as well as the blackened sky that was rid of any stars, only a single white dot that resembled the moon. You see Raphael beside you as well.

“Thanks, Raph.”

“Ya fell asleep quick, started snorin’ in my ear n everythin,” He joked, letting out a slight yawn.

“I…don’t snore, do I?” You squinted at your turtle friend, and he laughed at you overthinking about snoring in front of him.

“It’ll be our lil’ secret, alright?” Raphael watches as you struggle to find the key that unlocks the window. He hopes you don’t find it at all, so he can be with you a little while longer. But at the same time, he hopes you do so he can get some sleep himself. After fishing it out of your bag, you unlock the window.

“It was nice to spend some time with your family, I loved it,” Smiling at Raphael tiredly, you slide the window open.

“It’s always nice ta see ya, Y/n. Ya know dat.” He responds.

“God, I don’t remember the last time the two of us just hung out in my room, you know?” You were right. Ever since the whole Winter's Corp thing happened, to meeting his family, and spending some time with his brothers, you and Raphael haven’t had any time together. It was only right, Raphael was your first friend out of the four, who you’ve known the longest, and who you felt the closest with.

“Are ya sayin’ ya wanna just hang out like…tha two of us? How we used ta?” He asks. Confessing to you about how he’s feeling may be easier than he’s making it out to be, he thinks.

“I…yeah, I am saying that.” You let out a tired yawn, and Raphael doesn’t want to keep you away from your bed, so he ends it.

“See you tonight?” Raphael watches as you enter your room, and stands in front of the entrance. He’s hoping he could see you tomorrow (well, today, you know what I mean,)

“See you tonight.” You smile tiredly at your friend, and before you could slide the window close, he stops you.

“And don’t stay up any longa, ya look ‘bout ready ta knock right ‘bout now.”

“Yes, mom.” You reply jokingly to Raph, as he rolls his eyes.

Raphael watches as you get comfy in your covers before dozing off, realizing he needs some advice.

And who better to ask than Casey?

Okay, no. He probably should ask April. But, he needed a guy’s perspective. Hopefully, Casey can give him some decent advice later on in the day.

---

“April says you should go for it ^•^” Raphael reads the message over and over again from his bud Casey, but he for some reason can’t make sense of it. Go for what, exactly? What should he ask Y/n? Or what should he tell her? Why is it so hard?

He’s not a teenage mutant ninja turtle anymore. Well, he’s still a mutant. He's most definitely still a ninja, and he’ll always be a turtle.

A teenager! That’s right, he’s not a teenager anymore.

Coming to terms with his feelings and expressing them with words is going to be the most non-teenage thing he’s done.

He’s not sure when the right time is to tell you. Honestly, when is there a good time to confess your feelings? Is he even ready to be that vulnerable to you? To lay his romantic feelings out on the table?

He knows it won’t be like those corny romance movies April watches, that’s for sure. It sure as hell won’t be as dramatic as Splinter's telenovelas, either.

He’s overthinking how he’ll talk to you. Overthinking how you’ll react.

He decides to tell you when he sees you later.

~

Actually, no.

Wait.

Does he?

It can wait.

Looking at his reflection in his room from his hammock, he sighs. He’s lying down with his head facing the mirror, as he thinks: this is what she sees.

It’s what everyone sees.

He WANTS to be normal. He thinks it would be much easier to tell you (and he thought the same with Sabrina,) that it would be much easier to speak his feelings if he was human. He’s confident in all categories, except his looks.

So, he decides to wait. Let this night be the last one of you both being friends before he changes that with his words.

Getting up, he starts getting ready to head over to your place.

Nothing special, just coming as he is. He’s still getting used to not wearing his suit around you. It’s much more difficult to hide his facial expressions with no visor to cover them.

As he uncovers the manhole, he goes through the city on his usual route to your place. Not thinking much of his pace, his usual light jog.

That is until he gets to your window and sees it broken from a distance.

Suddenly, his jog becomes a sprint, and he utilizes his vision that was preserved from when he was a turtle to better see into the darkness that was your room. He can’t see anything, but he panics as he realizes he can sense there’s someone who’s not you inside.

It was at this moment he knew he would confess to you the moment he found you and you were safe with him.

===================

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Chapter 208: Stars and Oil, Part 4

// SPOILER WARNING!!! DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE CHAPTER YET.

Opening words: “A direct hit from a Mini Uzumaki!!”

》 Yuki: "Aren't you a necessary part of Yuuji Itadori's future?"

I personally feel that "a necessary part" sounds much better.

》 Yuki: "Exactly what I said. Even if you sacrifice yourself for your little brother, isn't it meaningless if you aren't in that future?"

In my opinion, the emphasis is on "is there any point/meaning" if Choso weren't in Yuuji's future.

》 Choso: "When my little brothers were incarnated, I thought... 「humans」 would never accept them due to their abnormal appearances."

While the kanji used was 受肉 (juniku – 受 means accept/take/get while 肉 means meat/flesh/body; but 受肉 itself means incarnation), "took flesh" just sounds weird in this context. "Incarnated" is the most accurate term and every JJK reader understands it, so I don't quite get why officials opted to go with "took flesh".

》 Choso: "(Back then) if I had chosen to live as a 「human」.. my little brothers wouldn't have had to kill each other."

Officials chose to change the entire second-half of the statement, lol.

》 Choso: "And then.. Almost like a punishment.. Yuuji, who was suffering from living as a 「human」, appeared."

I personally think that it's important for the "almost like a punishment" sentence to be included, considering that was how Choso felt about it.

》 Choso: "I'm certain that the four of us were destined to fight together. But just because I wanted an easy life.. Yuuji was left alone."

》 Tengen: "What's so funny?" 

》 Kenjaku: "What's with that face? Is that what you wished.. [to look like]? Almost like.."

》 Narration (?): "Black holes possess extreme density and immense gravity that not even light, much less matter, can escape. It is said that one can be created by compressing the entire Earth to a diameter of 2 cm."

》 Yuki: "You control gravity, but isn't your deduction pretty unsatisfactory?! Gravity, mass, time. It all comes down to..."

Here, Tengen said "術式反転か" (jutsushiki hanten ka), which translates to "Cursed Technique Reversal?" FYI, Akutami-sensei once addressed this stuff in an extra page, where he stated that 術式反転 (jutsushiki hanten) = Cursed Technique Reversal, while 反転術式 (hanten jutsushiki) = Reverse Cursed Technique. The order of the words are nothing but reversed and yes, it's confusing – Gege even admitted that, lol.

》 Kenjaku: "Nope. The 「Gravity」 until now was actually the technique reversal. The cursed technique engraved on Kaori Itadori was 「Anti-Gravity System」. Using my body as a domain, I raised the technique lapse's limit on the unstable output and activation time. It was a gamble, but at least it worked. Really, my liver chilled."

Kanji used for Kaori's CT is 反重力機構. The term 機構 (kikou) means mechanism, but the furigana reads システム (system). And as explained by Kenjaku, "Gravity" is the technique reversal of Kaori's CT; as such, it is an Extension technique.

Kenjaku’s last statement in the raws includes an idiom in Japanese: 肝を冷やした (kimo o hiyashita). It translates to “my liver chilled” and it means "I was scared to death” or “I was terrified”.

Closing words: “Tengen falls into the hands of Kenjaku, once a friend.”

Extra preview for ch.209: “What will happen to the fate of the world?!”

—

My thoughts:

I know many fans are on edge about Yuki's death and they're still in denial and coping hard, theorizing that she'll return in the next chapter. But I'm gonna take my stand with the minority of readers; RIP, Yuki onee-san. You did spectacular fighting a 1000 year-old sorcerer who's inhabiting one of the strong, present-era sorcerers. You did everything you could, you gave it your 1000% but this is as far as things go, you died a hero. Badass heroine! It was an honorable death. A moment of silence for Yuki Tsukumo, everyone.

If she suddenly makes her return in the next chapter or in the near future, that would be cool. I personally don't mind it either way; whatever that rocks Gege's boat.

Moving on! Last few days, the hate comments against Gege was immense. The uproar began on Wednesday on Twitter first - after some leaks dropped - then it spiraled out of control, and eventually reached Reddit. A day later, I discovered that even on Instagram, people were slandering Gege. I was utterly disgusted by the fandom's reactions, I hated what I saw. Calling whatever you dislike about the chapter "bad writing" is one thing, but labelling Gege a "misogynist" and spreading the claim "Gege hates women" (even if it was a sarcastic joke) is overboard and disrespectful af. Even until today, a meme about Gege's disrespect towards "his JJK women" was still making its rounds on Twitter. Seeing how the fandom is becoming increasingly toxic, I decided it's best not to engage in any discussions from here on out. A fair few of my Instagram followers are really chill people and I enjoy talking to them, so I guess they'll be my go-tos if I'd like to vomit out some theories or opinions. So a heads-up, my weekly chapter post will now be comprised of the usual opening and closing words, any mistranslations/misinterpretations in the official Viz translations, unexpected mistakes from Gege or his crew, or if there's anything very important to address within the chapter. That's all.

As of last Thursday, I've made the decision to remove myself from the fandom and I no longer term myself as one of the "JJK fans", lol. I am just a fan of Gege Akutami and his works.

To Gege Akutami or his associates, if you guys ever read this, do know that I will always support your work and whatever decisions that you make for your manga. If you have to end the series within a year because that's what you feel is the best for you, go ahead and do so. A true fan will always have your back and will never hold you down just to keep you from moving forward. We will understand. Thank you for working very hard each week just so we can get another chapter and reason to enjoy the series. I wish you the best of health and continued success in the future and may you end Jujutsu Kaisen in the way you envision it. Cheers to the coming new year 2023!

[megaderping]

Dojima was gone the next morning. Of course he was. Last night's events replayed in Akechi's head. Mrs. Tatsumi's tears, the tension as Dojima recorded the events on a clipboard and Adachi just had to make an idiot of himself. None of the adults knew. Nanako certainly didn't know. It was cruel to put them through so much, but a necessary evil. Akechi had to keep reminding himself that as he scrubbed his dishes from breakfast with perhaps a bit too much ferocity.

For the first time in a long, long time, Kanji would not join them on the walk to school.

Perhaps sensing his distress, Yu dared to place a hand on his shoulder. "We'll get him today, all right?"

"We as in just you and the others, I presume…" Akechi had no Persona. It was the logical conclusion to make.

"Nah."

The denial seized Akechi's in a stranglehold. He stared at Yu for several seconds before responding. "You're joking."

"No joke." A resigned sort of smile formed as Yu wiped his own plate with a washcloth. "We can't stop you. Even if I said no, you'd probably go behind our backs, and… Well, wouldn't that just justify all the feelings you've been burying inside?"

It took several more seconds for Akechi to respond. He truly expected Yu would draw the line due to his lack of Persona. "...It'd feel like you were backsliding and that you had no faith in me after all."

"Exactly. Which isn't fair. Even Chie tagged along before she awakened her Persona." He turned to the table and passed Akechi a small list. "As long as you're packing some of these, you'll have the means to protect yourself."

Akechi skimmed the list carefully. Value Medicine, Goho-M, and various odds and ends, like… Tesla Coils? Dry Ice? Pinwheels… "Aren't these ordinary items from the Shiroku Store?"

"Yep. TV world sure is something, huh?" Rather than elaborate, he passed Akechi a surprisingly generous stack of yen. "Here, I'll even cover the tab."

Akechi accepted the money, leaning in close, as if this was all some sort of joke with a pending punchline. "Where did you even get all this?" He paused. "Wait, don't tell me. It's the hands, isn't it?"

"Okay, I won't tell you." Yu grabbed his school bag from one of the chairs at the table. "I know your Shadow's a lot to face, but I hope you know you don't have to do this alone. We all know how much Kanji means to you, so if there's anything we can do…" Previous Chapter | Full Chapter | Read from the Beginning

New chapter drops in about an hour! This time I will try to remember to crosspost on time.