#accept this as a fence shitpost

[gummytea]

*jesse screaming in the background*

[rohirric-hunter]

Tagged by @a-lonely-dunedain to plug OC names into this heacanon generator and see if it fits.

Léonys:

Léonys doesn't own a single pair of matching socks.

Okay, so in actuality no, Léonys has lots of pairs of matching socks and is actually pretty neat about her clothes and stuff when she's at home. BUT I can see this becoming one of those annoying widely-accepted fanon headcanons in direct contradiction to canon because 95% of the time the reader is exposed to her in a, "Has been living in the woods for 3-8 business days, has not spoken to another human being in almost a week, ate bark that was still attached to the tree, laid flat on her back with her mouth open while it was raining to get a drink (for fun)," kind of state, or the many stages of breakdown I dragged her through in Léonys of Rohan. I think if my stuff had a bigger following a lot of people would have trouble reconciling that Léonys with the way she acts when she's, like, in a house.

Léonys does not know what sleep is.

She really does not LMAO. Take a nap, girl

Léonys is smart but also very stupid.

I mean this one's vague enough that it could apply to basically anyone I think. Which means it's a winner! Léonys figured out, on her own, within a few days of properly meeting him, that Aragorn was the heir of the old kings. She also got involved in all that because she saw brigands with hostages and was like, "Go and get help? Tell the town guard? Involve the other hunters? Nah! I'll just follow them! :) and take care of it myself :)."

Léonys crashed a riding lawn mower into their fence.

Absolutely not the ride-on lawnmower goes nowhere except where she told it to go. The ✨🌟🤗🐎💖bond ✨🌟🤗🐎💖 that exists between the Rohirrim and their horses ride-on lawnmowers

Hathellang:

Hathellang is a cry baby.

I mean I guess it depends on what about. This also sort of sounds like a headcanon made up by someone who doesn't actually like the character, so, you know. Subjective. I don't think so. But there's not a lot I would label crybaby anyway.

Hathellang has a roblox account.

Disclaimer: I've never played Roblox. But yeah, I feel like he has one. He used to play a lot more than he does now. But that was years ago. These days no one knows he has it except for Léonys. But sometimes when one of the other kids complains that someone was too mean to them on Roblox he logs on and, well, see,,, if the offender didn't have bannable offenses to work with already then suddenly,,,,, mysteriously,,,,,,,,, they start committing bannable offenses. For literally no reason whatsoever, they must have just felt like it, suddenly. Who knows! Anyway, reported.

(I.E. Hathellang would be a holy terror on the internet, somehow able to talk the trolls into getting themselves banned while only barely toeing the line himself. A power that could be used for good or evil. He uses it to back up his kid siblings on disagreements over the Walmartland makeup obby.)

Hathellang believes in Santa.

He does not! But he's really dedicated to keeping the Santa Experience alive for the younger kids. Also I feel like in a modern AU he'd be super into the Santa Clause movies.

Belharen:

Belharen is afraid of doing anything without their parent's permission.

Belharen is involved in the plot because she ran away from home. Without her parents' permission. That doesn't mean she's not afraid of doing things without her parents' permission. But she still does them.

Ferelin:

Ferelin is tumblr famous.

Oh my god yes. Spot on. IDK what I can add. His shitposts are legendary. Made a new friend. Have informed him that I do not know what a roof is. Think he has little enough knowledge of the Shire that this should fly with him. Eager to see how this plays out. Update: Friend in question visiting my house right now as we speak. Made comment about the roof. Think he remembers what I told him when we first met. Except funnier, probably, IDK. I wonder what his URL would be. He casually refers to his improbable and near-miraculous ability to heal basically anything by singing to it very stubbornly and people think it's some kind of extended bit. He lets them think so because they started to come up with theories about it and it's kind of funny.

Dahlia:

Dahlia knows fnaf lore.

Probably, lol. I feel like she wouldn't play the games, though. I've never played them, this is vibes-based. She just knows the lore. For some reason. Maybe she watches hour-long YouTube videos breaking it down to relax.

And because I've been thinking about her recently some Pegweneth:

Pegweneth instinctively cleans messes in their own house as well as other peoples.

Pegweneth judges people for having messes in their houses TBH. Privately. In her head. She does not clean them. Her house is not clean.

Pegweneth knocks people over by hugging them.

If she knows them very well and is confident they're okay with it.

Pegweneth is not good with social cues.

She knows what they are. She just thinks they're stupid she's above them she responded to them appropriately when she really didn't.

Hmmm, seems like a lot of people I would normally tag in these things have been tagged already. I know many people with OCs and I know that many of them dislike this sort of fandom/headcanon stuff. Open invitation to do it if you want to?

[not-a-mongoose]

Hey! I've just had a really interesting conversation with a friend (which i won't detail here, but it was interesting).

Anyways I'm gonna make this post because it's really important to me.

What with the events going on, things seem very bad. The cult-following of Trump as well as the assassination attempt likely smothering any attention the Project 2025 thing was getting from the politically unaligned, and the sympathy garnered from the attempt in itself, makes for a pretty difficult front in terms of the upcoming election...

However.

Even though the first thoughts outside of the shitposting are probably to curl up and accept defeat, Don't Do That.

There are still things we can do.

There is always the option of doing something. Maybe some things are harder to do than others, but there is always an option of something to do.

In this case there's a very clear option of what to do.

What with project 2025 (if you aren't aware please research it) and what we already know of republican values and the previous Trump presidency, regardless of what you think of Biden, a vote for the Democrats is at least a vote against the Republicans.

There is the idea that it's fundamentally better to not vote than to vote for an imperfect candidate, but one thing:

There is more good in voting against a fascist far right party like the republicans than there ever will be in abstaining from a vote for any moral reason.

It's like: You're hanging out in town when you hear about a group of people going to harm a person you're close to. You can either find a way to stop them or slow them, or you can continue on with your day and hope they just don't find that person or change their mind. You might uncomfortable with doing that, but fundamentally it's better to find a way to stop them, either by physically preventing them from harming the person, or by helping that person hide or otherwise preventing the group from finding them.

It might feel simple to just give up, especially if it feels like the group is big, but remember that you are not alone in this. There are millions of people who don't want the far right to take control of america. And you have your own talents. You don't have to make a post or anything, but you could reblog other ones, or even just encourage people on the fence to look into what Project 2025 was about, or encourage them to vote, or even just vote yourself if you're the age of majority!

It's also important to remember: Choosing not to act is in itself an action. You are responsible for your own actions. In my opinion, it's better to act than to hope someone else fills in for you.

There is Always something you can do. And if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, they're wrong.

[cognitiveleague]

Hey, y’all! I’m even broker than usual, so fuck it. A… commissions post of sorts? But for random shit I’m good at, organized loosely from most practical to most deranged.

So let’s get to it! In case this post makes it to someone outside of my mutuals, hi, I’m Ket (she/her), and my wife Thyme (they/them) and I are veteran Tumblrinas of many a year. We live with our two beautiful, incredibly stupid cats, Tabitha and Umbra.

I wrote a whole thing here about how hard we work (well, not the cats) and the reasons why we’re still struggling, because that’s how I Need Money posts usually go, and then I deleted it, because honestly, we’re pretty much all having a bad time under late-stage capitalism, and beyond not wanting to guilt trip anyone, I don’t want to waste anyone’s empathy on all the exhausting details when so many of us are already so tired and so overextended emotionally and/or financially.

Tl;dr - Late stage capitalism sucks for us (as it does for many), no money in bank, week until payday, need money because existing is expensive.

What I can offer in exchange for money if anyone’s interested: under the cut to save space on your dash!

-Translation: Japanese to English, English to Japanese, French to English (but not vice versa at this time unless you’re willing to accept that the end result may be pretty clunky and stilted), could probably drag my wife in if anybody wants Swedish to English or vice versa? Pricing variable depending on amount and complexity of text involved, can provide a somewhat-negotiable estimate on request.

-Informal consultation on (US) health insurance: My day job involves dealing with my workplace’s patients’ health insurance companies. I have an active vendetta against all private healthcare companies and detailed knowledge of how they work, and am personally invested in helping as many people as possible not get screwed by them, so honestly, if I had time and didn’t need money, I’d do this one for free. I’d probably have to draw up some type of waiver / information privacy policy for it, like you’d have to sign for any sort of financial advisor who gets paid for it, but if there’s interest I totally will. I can look at your healthcare plan options and tell you which one would make the most sense to pick, or advise on the best plan of action for making your existing bullshit insurance company fix something they screwed up, for example. Pay what it’s worth to you.

-Editing: I’ve got years if not decades of experience with fiction and academic writing, and a sharp eye for detail. I’m also experienced with writing letters and emails in a business context. Got something that needs a once-over for errors? I can help! I am also happy to just straight-up write letters or emails for any context, or really just about anything that isn’t academic writing (which I can still help revise or edit, but if you want someone to write your whole damn paper for you, find someone willing to do it.) As with translation, pricing depends on amount and complexity of text, can provide an estimate if you tell me what you want.

-Short-form poetry: I said what I said, and you know, I’m not even embarrassed somehow. Pay what you will, and you can have your very own bespoke haiku (in Japanese and-or English) for any occasion and/or theme you want. Hell, if you want, and if “what you will” covers at least enough for materials and postage, I’ll clear off the coffee table, dust off the calligraphy set, personally cry tears of frustration from my own eyeballs for you as I try to remember how to grind my own ink, and mail you a physical copy.

-Assorted Renfaire Bitch Skills: I did fencing and reenacting until I busted my leg, and have for many years worked weekends at a clothes shop at my local renfaire during the season when it runs. Also my Tolkien and Shakespeare and golden age of piracy phases just never went away. Want practical advice on writing or choreographing m a swordfighting scene? Want a shitpost (or anything else) translated from 20th-21st century English to period-accurate Tudor-era English? Want me to design a medieval-to-renaissance-inspired outfit for you or your OC with whatever level of accuracy or inaccuracy you want? Want me to write a scathing diss sonnet for someone your party’s bard hates? ALL THIS AND MORE CAN BE YOURS - I pray you, seek out with all haste my DMs

-Assorted Renfaire Butch Skills: Autocorrect was really pushing for this one, and I’ll grant it this win. As above, but I’ll tie my hair back and wear a doublet.

-Cat pics: Self explanatory. I will send you photos of our beautiful, brainless cats to brighten your day. Pay what you will, and I will decide how many stupid cat pictures it is worth.

Send me a DM if you want to engage my services for any of the above, and we can talk what kind of price would be fair! Reblogs appreciated, too 💕

[moonami]

Scenario VI:

Damsel in Distress

...

You had been feeling, a churning in your stomach... You felt that something was going to happen...

The roads to the areas where Russia and China lived were suddenly closed, sometimes you would find them out there, but those surprising visits of them became increasingly scarce.

Alfred said that the roads were closed because of the monsters, and that made some sense, after all, the strongest monsters until now always came out in their areas.

Even so, the attitude that Alfred took every time you mentioned Ivan or Yao was strange...He insisted that they were bad and that they didn't know how to protect you, or that they only wanted you for their own benefit...That wasn't much. What a "Hero" would say in your opinion.

Alfred was more and more insistent and he stuck to you like gum, sometimes he could be cute but right now that you spent all day with him those "Cuddles" felt suffocating...

You walked through some alleys to clear your mind, avoiding going out in plain sight, you wanted to be alone right now.

After a good while of walking, trying to avoid America, you start to hear whispers in the darkest areas...and sounds of molars grinding together...Oh no.

You start to run quickly feeling the rush of adrenaline, it had been a long time since you faced those horrible things, you go out of the alley and turn around looking for your pursuers and everything seemed calm, until suddenly those monstrous mouths come out surrounding you.

You let out a shriek and accelerate jumping the fence of one of the buildings, you had to hide and go for Yao's ribbon that you had hidden so Alfred wouldn't see it.

However, you notice that there was no longer any escape, you were surrounded on all sides... Those things floated slowly towards you giving whispers begging for food... But when everything seemed lost suddenly you bump into someone's chest... And that someone was... America...

He laughs in a friendly way and calmly asks you where you've been, you can only stammer nervously trying to explain what happened, but he covers your "Pretty little mouth" with his finger and says "Shhhh... Calm down honey... Fear no more, because I'm here~"

He separates and fixes his bomber coat...And he makes a very upset grin and his eyes were fixed on you, then you notice that he was covered in the black blood of those monsters...How long was he fighting them while looking for you?

But in the end you must react and choose... Run away from your "Hero" or let him save you.

|•Runaway.| |•Let him help you.|

We continue with the delusional Yandere and Gaslight lover! America!! Now you must choose whether to let him be your Hero, or if you don't want to continue with this, run away on your own.

Comment or put your decision in the tags of the reblogs, the one that is more chosen will have its continuation!

If you want more of this content don't forget to support me and follow the tag "Reddish Afternoon".

(Also guys, I'm accepting commissions, if you're interested send me a private message!)

Part I(Russia). Part II(America). Part III(China). Part IV(Russia Bad Ending). Part V( Abandoned clinic.) Shitpost meme i did about this(Extra).

Reddish Afternoon(starting screen).

Part VI(Abandoned Clinic: Red complacency.)

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Game Theory; Pretty Boys

There is no way that Night Raven College is an all-boys school that has ONLY handsome men in it (even the NPCs). I refuse to take “that’s anime for ya” route as an explanation.

So, I propose to you a theory to explain why NRC seems to have so many attractive boys. Just because I want to shitpost about Crowley again.

***Warning: spoilers for the prologue, chapter 4 of the main story campaign, and Ace’s family tree.***

[This runs on the assumption that the NRC headmaster hand picks who attends the school rather than the horse drawn carriages selecting students at random.]

The headmaster, Crowley, recruits new students and hires new staff based on special hidden criteria: you have to be pretty as HECK. Night Raven College is a prestigious school, right? Well, Crowley needs pretty men to post on all of the school’s advertisements and brochures and keep the place looking appealing to the outside and to distract them while Overblots run rampant on campus and tear up school property.

He saves a ton of money by using actual students and staff instead of hiring models to pose for him. I mean, he granted Kalim a spot as dorm leader because his family donated a ton of money, so I headcanon that Crowley loves money like Mr. Krabs does. Crows love shiny things, and coins (even if Madols aren’t coins) are shiny.

This would also explain why total dumbasses like Ace got into this supposedly great school along with galaxy brain master minds like Azul. Ace’s family can’t be wealthy enough as Kalim’s to bribe their way in, and Ace is not bright enough to really go to NRC--unless his brother’s record as a dorm leader at the school got him in, but Ace’s shitty behavior, attitude, and grades can’t have made it easy for him to get accepted.

Crowley definitely chooses students and staff based on how pretty they are. It’s probably THE deciding factor, especially if he is on the fence about an applicant.

Then one day he got bored and brought in the MC and Grim at random to throw them into an Ouran High School Host Club harem scenario because he wants to play God.

Kiss kiss fall in love, but not too much because big brother Disney says TW is definitely not an otome game.

[dathen]

What’s even funnier is that *Jon* asking *them* to commit crimes is just a fandom thing—I remember the specific shitpost that got people to think it was true. The in-show context of them just Being Like That is even funnier: Martin breaks into the spider apartment without a second thought in TMA 22, Sasha already has a bunch of hacking backdoors set up for accessing official records, Tim is a self-ordained superspy who gives Jon information he charmed or tricked out of people, and Jon goes “do I really want to know how he got this? ...no matter, we have it now.” Martin was excitedly telling stories about all of the impersonations Tim could do over the phone to illegally access information to Melanie after she was hired in season 3 as a bonding activity. I hear you like to break into places! So do we!! :D

Imagine the shock of finding out that Jon is relatively chill with all of this. There’s a big production to hide it from him before he overhears a conversation and is all “of course one would climb the fence, it would be hard to see from that far away.” And everyone just stares at each other in shock when they learn that Be Gay Do Crimes is accepted in their local work environment from who they thought was the most straight-laced person alive. Tim hovers in front of the fence because shit, Jon’s here, can’t use his usual methods in front of him...only to find Jon is halfway up already.

This also sets up “Supplemental: I broke into Gertrude’s flat” as Jon just being one of the Archive Team doing Archive Team Things

so i know we make jokes about Jon asking the assistants to commit crimes, but i was thinking about the bits in 81 where he talks about getting brought home by the police three times by age eight, and just… what if he asks for info you can’t get except by breaking into places because he’s so used to doing it himself?

like, I’m just imagining Tim joining the research department at the institute and meeting fussy academic Jon who’s a skeptic but knows a ton about this supernatural stuff, and befriending him because he’s kinda hilarious if you can sit through the acid.

And then they go to do field research together, and the man who Tim half-thought had never been outside in his life climbs a ten-foot fence without a beat of hesitation because this is where the statement happened, Tim, now hurry up, we’re wasting enough time on this blatant fabrication already…

[writin4lyfe]

Here it goes. The firs chapter of my novel

HARRY POTSMOKER AND THE SHITPOSTER’S STONE

CHAPTER ONE

THE 🅱️ OY WHO LIVED

Mr. and Mrs. Dunkey, of numberf our, Pervert Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. Like, no magic or anything. In fact, they were a couple of normies. They don’t even watch anime, go figure. They were the kind of people who had never heard of Rainbow Dash. Mr. Dunkey was the director of a firm called Grunnings, which made drills. Drills for the Gurren Lagann. Oh, the irony, little did he know he was working in a literal anime mech. He was a big, beefy man with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large moussetache. Mrs. Dunkey was thin and blonde and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck (she stole her husband’s), which came in very useful as she spent so much of her time craning over garden fences, spying on the neighbors, like a privileged giraff. The Dunkeys had a small son called Dunkey Jr. and in their opinion there was no finer boy anywhere, which shows just how little they actually went outside. All they did was binging series on Netflix.

The Dunkeys had everything they wanted, but they also had a secret, and their greatest fear was that somebody would disc cover it. They didn't think they could bear it if anyone found out about the Potsmokers. Mrs. Potsmoker was Mrs. Dunkey's sister, but they hadn't met for several years; in fact, Mrs. Dunkey pretended she didn't have a sister, because her sister and her good-for-nothing husband were as unDunkeyish as it was possible to be. As in, they were in a lot of fandoms. But the Dunkeys don’t even know what a fandom is, so this is just the author talking here.

The Dunkeys shuddered to think what the neighbors would say if the Potsmokers arrived in the street and did their magical shit. The Dunkeys knew that the Potsmokers had a small son, too, but they had never even seen him, even though he’s the main character. This boy was another good reason for keeping the Potsmokers away; they didn't want Dunkey Jr. being overshadowed by the protagonist. When Mr. and Mrs. Dunkey woke up on the dull, gray Tuesday our story starts, there was nothing about the cloudy sky outside to suggest that strange and mysterious things would soon be happening all over the country. That is, unless you can read the destiny in the clouds, in which case it’s a moot point because there’d probably someone else interfering with it. What did you even think, that you’re the only person who can read the destiny in the clouds? Don’t make me laugh. To begin with, you can’t. I can. Because I am writing this and I can do as I please. Look, there’s Aragorn jogging in a tracksuit, what are you going to do about him, huh. Oh, is that a t-rex on a unicycle? Yeah, that definitely is a motherfucking t-rex wearing a t-shirt while riding a tricycle. Yeah, it’s a tricycle now. And T-Connection can be heard in the background, too.  Don’t like it? Leave. Go read one of those child-adapted books you enjoy so much if you can’t appreciate literature.

Anyway, Mr. Dunkey hummed as he picked out his most boring tie for work, which is also pointless, because he’s an internet freelancer and he just accepts gigs from Fiverr from home.  Mrs. Dunkey gossiped away happily as she wrestled a screaming Dunkey Jr. into his high chair. None of them noticed a fuckhuge eagle flying past the window. Yeah, you know who that is. It’s Great Grey Eagel Ludwig, Harry’s overpowered pet. Turns out, it was carrying a letter with Harry’s acceptance into Hogwarts. Yeah, it’s still Hogwarts, I’m not going to change everything.

[c-e-d-dreamer]

Hey idk if you are still looking for prompts because I scrolled pretty far back, but if so, how about "that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard let's do it" or ”it’s a long story that involves a lot of blood, a couple squirrels, and one hell of a headache” for any of the foxes? Thanks, I love love love your writing and I've really enjoyed looking through your blog!

I’m always accepting prompts! And thank you so much for the lovely compliments! I hope you enjoy! This is basically a shitpost in fic form. It’s a crack fic. I’m not even sorry. Also you probably need to suspend a lot of disbelief for this; just roll with it

“That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard; let’s do it”

—

Neil is still trying to get the hang of his new phone. Nickyhad insisted that he upgrade to this century and had practically dragged Neilto the mall to purchase an iPhone. The rest of the Foxes were more than happyabout the change, some money even exchanging hands, but there’s so much goingon with his phone now. Before, all Neil had to worry about were text messagesand phone calls, but now there’s a bunch of apps that Nicky keeps trying toteach him. He thinks he’s starting to get a handle on Snapchat thanks to thedaily snaps from Allison. At the very least, he’s no longer confused by the waythey disappear after opening them. And Instagram seems easy enough, so Neiltries to keep track of that so he can see Renee’s posts from around the world.

Neil can admit that the ESPN app is great. It’s set up tosend him notifications for Exy news and score updates. It’s that app that iscurrently dinging at Neil as he makes his way across campus. The trade deadlineis coming up for the National Exy League, and Neil’s been trying to keep up andfollow the changes. After Neil reads the latest update, the striker tries tosee the current NCAA standings, but his new phone isn’t cooperating. He bats atthe screen a few times, but when it finally switches over to NCAA Exy, it’s thenews page. Neil lets out a frustrated noise and is about to just give up when aheadline catches his eye.

Neil scrolls through and reads the article the whole wayback to Fox Tower. He still has his phone out and the page open as he unlocksthe door to his dorm. The room is full of people, but Neil has learnt to beunsurprised by that. Nicky and Aaron are in the beanbags, a video game of somesort blaring on the television. Kevin is sprawled out on the couch with hislaptop in his lap while Andrew is perched on his desk by the window.

“Hey, Neil,” Nicky greets, not taking his eyes off the gamehe’s playing. “How was class?”

“Did you guys know someone tried to steal the University ofTexas’ mascot last night? Not the costume; the actual longhorn.”

“How unoriginal,” Nicky says. “That’s like the oldest prankin the book. I mean everyone’s—”

Nicky cuts off as he finally draws his eyes away and meetsNeil’s, his face contorting into a mix of guilt and regret. The backliner openshis mouth again, but whatever rambling remedy was on the tip of his tongue, he swallowsit down and snaps his lips shut. When no one else in the room has anything toadd, Neil resigns himself to his desk. He can feel Andrew’s eyes boring intohis cheek, but the striker focuses on outlining his upcoming essay until practice.

The news story gets forgotten, blurred away by drills andbickering freshmen and a scrimmage. But it’s still nestled a place in the backof Neil’s mind, niggling in the periphery of his thoughts persistently. By thetime he’s changing out after practice, it’s made its way back to the forefront.

He thinks about the article, about Nicky’s cut off words, ashe and Andrew sit up on the roof, the nighttime humid and inky around them. Hismind is a whirlwind of thoughts tangled up with the billows of smoke wisping inthe evening breeze. He almost doesn’t notice the distinctive smell of nicotineor the way his cigarette has burned down to the filter. He doesn’t realize he’szoned out on the twinkling lights of the campus until the cool, feather lighttouch across the back of his hand pulls him back.

When Neil looks to his right, Andrew is already watchingback. He raises an eyebrow in question at the striker’s silence, and Neil stubsout his cigarette.

“Do you think I’m missing out?” Neil asks. “Having not donea prank before?”

Andrew doesn’t say anything in response. He watches Neil fora few more moments before he stubs out his own cigarette. He beckons his headtowards the roof door, and Neil tries not to read too much into it as the tworetreat down to their dorm.

The next morning before heading to the gym for workouts,Andrew drags Neil and Kevin next door. The goalkeeper picks the lock with anease Neil feels he shouldn’t be surprised by at this point. The three burstinto the room where Aaron and Nicky are tucked into the kitchenette withsteaming mugs cradled in their hands. Neither bats an eye at the intrusion.

“We’re stealing a mascot tonight,” Andrew says to the room.

“What?!” Kevin squeaks out from just inside the doorway.

“That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard,” Nicky says,setting down his mug. “Let’s do it.”

“What.”

“Oh, come on, Kevin, it’ll be fun!” Nicky reasons. “I betyou’ve never pulled a prank either. And it’ll be like a senior prank for you.It works out perfectly!”

“While that’s all well and good,” Aaron pipes up. “Where areyou going to steal this mascot from? Most schools don’t have real animalmascots these days. We certainly don’t have a fox running around.”

“University of Texas has a real animal mascot,” Neil says.

“You want us to travel all the way to the University ofTexas?” Aaron asks, tone deadpan.

“There has to be somewhere closer,” Nicky offers, fiddlingwith his phone for a moment. “University of North Carolina! That’s not too farto drive.”

“There’s no way we’re fitting a ram in my car,” Andrew says.

“Matt has a truck,” Neil suggests.  

It’s at that moment that Matt walks out of the bathroom,toothbrush hanging between his teeth and phone pressed to his ear. Hisexpression startles when he notices all pairs of eyes on him.

“Hey, Matt,” Neil says. “Can we borrow your truck tonight?”

“We’re driving up to UNC tonight to steal their mascot,”Nicky jumps in to explain. “You in?”

Neil thinks it must be a sign that Matt’s been living withNicky and Aaron too long because the backliner just shrugs in acceptance.

“I’m going to have to call you back, Dan,” Matt says intohis phone. “We’re kidnapping Rameses.”

- - -

Researching during lunch reveals that UNC has a small farmon their campus. It acts as a training center for students studying veterinarysciences, but it also doubles as Rameses’ home. It seems easy enough to get to,and the farm being tucked away from the dorms means students shouldn’t bemilling about.

It should be easy.

Their first complication arrives before they even get oncampus. After dinner, everyone changes into black clothes and piles into Matt’struck, and then they’re heading up north along the interstate. It’s a bit of ahike through North Carolina, but luckily, the sun has long since set by thetime they’re nearing the campus. Matt directs the truck towards the entrance thatwill bring them closest to the farm, but security stops them to check forschool ID’s.

Despite Matt’s sweet talking and Nicky’s attemptedexplanation that they’re attending an on-campus party, the security guardremains unimpressed and stubborn, turning them away. Matt ends up parking thetruck outside a row of off-campus houses, and the group sneaks onto the campus.

UNC is bigger than PSU, and as Neil looks around at thedifferent buildings looming over him, it’s a bit disorientating, and yet there’sno mistaking that thrum of excitement. They keep mostly to the shadows and keeptheir heads down, trying not to draw attention to themselves. As collegestudents themselves, they at least blend in a little.  

After a few wrong turns down campus roads, they find thefarm. They hop over the fence and make their way up the dirt path to the barn. Neilmakes quick work of picking the lock and they all slip inside. The poignantsmell of manure and livestock hits them like a tsunami wave, and Neil puts ahand over his mouth to try and stifle it. Similar reactions ripple through thegroup. Nicky, Matt, and Aaron pull out their phones to provide light as theymove further into the barn. Neil peers into the first cubby on his left only tocome face to face with a horse.

“Aw this one has a cute little pig in it,” Nicky says fromfurther down. “We should take this too.”

“Focus, Nicky,” Kevin snaps.

Neil has to stifle a laugh at Nicky’s muttered response ashe continues to look for the ram. The next cubby he checks has a donkeysleeping inside, though.

“Hey!” Matt exclaims. “I found him!”

Everyone joins Matt and crowds around the cubby. Rameses hasbacked into the far corner. He stares at them all for a few moments beforeletting out a bleat. Matt, Nicky, and Kevin begin a murmured argument aboutwhat to do next when Andrew opens the door to the cubby and steps inside, arope in his hand that he ties around Rameses to lead the ram out. Once they getRameses out of the barn, they move as a slow huddle down the road in an attemptto hide their deed. Andrew ends up handing the rope over to Aaron so he canlead the group when it becomes apparent no one else can remember the way backto Matt’s truck.

A security guard is making rounds around the campus, so theyhave to duck between the shadows of two buildings while they wait for him topass. It’s at this moment that Rameses becomes fed up with his captors. A swiftkick to Aaron’s shins leaves the backliner recoiling in pain and dropping therope. Rameses takes the opportunity to escape, darting out from their hidingspot. Matt and Neil are quick to chase after the ram, but running into thelight of the streetlamps reveals that the security guard isn’t as far away asthey anticipated and the bleating has drawn his attention.

“Hey!” the security guard shouts, already running in theirdirection. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Oh shit,” Neil says under his breath.

“Time to go,” Andrew says, grabbing a fistful of the back ofNeil’s shirt and tugging.

“Wait! What about Rameses?” Matt asks, gesturing towards theparking lot the ram is tearing through.  

“Leave him!” Nicky shouts, taking hold of Matt’s wrist andyanking him away.

They can hear the security guard getting closer, his poundingfootsteps and his shouts of needing backup. No one needs to be told twice. Theysqueeze out the other side of the buildings and break into sprints, scatteringin different directions.

Neil can feel the adrenaline thrumming in his veins. Itleaves his ears ringing and his heart pounding in his chest as his feet smackagainst the ground. Andrew veers off to the right in front of him, and Neilfollows. The shortcut takes them through the brush, and branches cut at Neil’sarms and ankles. It does nothing to quiet the thrill bubbling in his chest.

Matt’s truck comes into view, Aaron and Kevin alreadywaiting in the bed. Nicky and Matt come tearing in from the other side, yankingthe doors of the cab open to clamber inside.

“Do you think the ram is alright?” Matt asks, out of breath.

“That’s not important right now, Matthew! Drive!” Nickyshouts.

Andrew practically bodily throws Neil into the truck bedbefore jumping in himself. Matt kicks the truck into gear and peels away fromthe curb, tires screeching in his wake. As Matt speeds off, Neil can’t help thegiddy laughter that bubbles out of him, taking him over until there are tearsin his eyes.

“Well that was fun.”

“Junkie.”

// Send me prompts!!! // 

[of-another-broken-heart]

heyy! idk if u even want to talk abt this? but tbh u put my thoughts into words with the M guy thing perfectly. Also like idk what kinda made me uneasy was how like persuasive? manipulative? he seemed in the video? Like he's knowingly trying to make u believe him?

I stay out of the tags these days (I use “m dude” so any followers who don’t like Mark/plier have an additional way to block my posts while I also spare myself the White Knights of Mark/plier(TM) onslaught) but yeah... 

gonna slap the rest behind a cut because I ended up rambling =x

Mark is very, VERY aware of the power of his sincere blogs (relies on them to diffuse situations that he lets escalate too long w/o address; relies on them to rally his fan base for big events like fundraisers and twitter shitpost extravaganzas...) and is also very, VERY aware of how blindly loyal a lot of his fans are (he’s made several vlogs and blog posts even criticizing his devout extremist fans). I’m with you 100% on the fact the he knows the effectiveness of these sorts of videos. 

I don’t know that he’s being malicious in this video, but as always, impact is far more important than intent. I think Mark is blinded by his ideals, and that his use/understanding of words like “respect” are very much insufficient compared to their greater use in the realms of social justice, bigotry, etc. In other words, I personally believe his persuasion/manipulation comes from a place of ignorant idealism, and not malicious intent.

Previous “drama” with him (aka, folks pointing out some bigoted or shady things he’s done in the past, which his White Knight fans perceived as an All Out Attack on their Holy Idol) has resulted in similar somber, serious posts. But not before his White Knights got to fully exercise their extremism, to the detriment of his critics’ mental (and sometimes physical) well-being. 

(CW: suicide mention ahead) Like the transmisogyny situation almost 2 years ago - multiple trans women and nonbinary fans (and even some cis allies) were forced to delete/change blogs, leave tumblr entirely, and some were even rumored to have attempted suicide because people were so vicious in response to the existence of criticism of Mark and his “jokes.”

Some details about this vlog are different, and don’t fit with his usual behavior. Mark’s not responding to criticism of himself or his own actions this time. Like before, he’s waited until things have hit some point of extremism. (I guess the “dehumanizing” comments were his tipping point - not the “joke” that an entire subset of humans should die, nooo, but calling bigots “trash” is Just Going Too Far, I guess) This time, he’s taking it upon himself to use that observable serious effect he has, and it’s very much for his own personal reasons. 

Admittedly, that’s what he does - and that’s not inherently wrong - but usually it actually aligns with his “Make the world a better place” slogan. Or, it lines up a hell of a lot more than defending someone (like Felix) who’s repeatedly “punched down” with shitty, bigoted “humor”. Demanding that even bigoted jokes go without consequence, implying that an apology dissolves you of responsibility for your actions, and insisting that everyone deserves respect, regardless of their actions and beliefs towards others?? That doesn’t line up with the “better place” narrative, that’s for damn sure. 

I’m a bit refreshed to see that there is a LOT of push-back this time, though. Previously, critics were a lot harder to find. I can only assume the current political climate of the US/world (fascism on the rise, anti-semitic and islamophobic ideologies and violence more and more evident, etc) has helped push people to actually put their foot down instead of passively sitting on the fence. I’m glad there’s more critical thinking and solidarity for actual acceptance/progress/betterment, in that regard. 

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

[This Anon is referring to this game theory.]

...I can see that happening, yes. Crowley must, after all, appeal to those with a preference for glasses on their pretty boys.

This became its own set of shitpost headcanons in of themselves, but I will allow it for now because it supplements my ever-expanding pretty boy game theory. I only wrote for the students, NOT faculty because the list of students itself is already super long.

Enjoy.

Riddle wrote an entire speech to the headmaster about how he will contribute to NRC and improve the school community if he gets accepted. All of that went right out the window when Crowley clasped his hands during the interview and shouted about how Riddle is perfect. That strict persona, coupled with the contrast of his boyish appearance...it is perfect for appealing to those that like the youthful look, but still want someone respectable!

Trey had a relatively normal interview. Crowley was impressed by how reliable Trey seems to be--he’s sure to make use of Trey’s “big brother”/”boy next door” vibes for NRC advertising. He didn’t find out about Trey’s thing for dental hygiene until after Trey was already accepted, but Crowley was quick to dismiss it as a real concern because it’s not like he’s going to sell pictures of Trey brushing others’ teeth for extra profit (well, not unless there is a high demand for that).

Cater was very relaxed, even slouching a bit in his seat. He interrupted Crowely in the middle of one of his questions to ask to take a photo for his MagiCam account. Though Crowley found this to be a little irritating, he knew that social media is a good way to reach a wider audience. Having a handsome student well-versed in the use of the web and able to capture candid photos of his peers seems like a huge advantage to NRC’s social media presence!

Ace was super casual. He showed up a few minutes late and sat down without being given permission to. He’s nothing like his older brother, according to the records Crowley consulted. Ace’s brightness was able to charm Crowley in the interview, and he allows the trickster in just because of that infections, albeit shit eating, grin of his.

Deuce tried very, very hard to show off how “reformed” he was. Came to the interview in a full-on suit and gelled back hair so he looks like a responsible young man. Lost his shit mid-interview when Crowley brought up his past delinquency as a potential issue. He was still let in because Crowley knows “bad boys” with a soft side can be appealing to some.

Leona got to skip the interview. Not because he’s royalty or anything, but because Crowley knew just from reading Leona’s application and seeing his picture that he would be a worthwhile student to slap onto advertisements. THE ANGST PRACTICALLY WRITES ITSELF. Look at how handsome Leona is, and how dark his backstory is. You can change this arrogant, broken cat boy, Crowley will hawk at his audience, all you need to do is donate your money to NRC!

Ruggie was accepted for his mischievousness--and partly due to his sad history in the slums. He didn’t show up to the interview wearing the fanciest clothes, but there is a charm to his humility, his frugality. Crowley thinks that winsome laughter of his will net the school some extra cash. Some would love to dote on people like Ruggie, after all!

Jack has muscles, and that’s all Crowley needed to see to accept him. Sure, he may have only responded to interview questions with simple, short answers, sometimes punctuated by grunts, but...muscles. Crowley’s already thinking of throwing as many sports-related events as possible for the upcoming school year, just so Jack can get all hot and sweaty in front of a live audience. NRC merch sales will go through the roof.

Azul groomed himself for several hours in advance, and practiced interview questions with the Leeches beforehand. First impressions are very important, and attending NRC would be the opportunity of a lifetime! He performed very well and dressed sharply. When his interview wrapped up, Crowley started questioning his eyeglasses, which confused Azul a lot. He was told that he is accepted, granted that he maintains wearing spectacles. Azul, being the big brain octoboi that he is, understood Crowley’s game and complimented his shrewdness. Crowley killed so many birds with one stone by accepting Azul...he appeals to those that like smart boys, glasses, and...well, tentacles.

Jade & Floyd spent even more time preparing than Azul did. They are concerned about Floyd making an outburst or a comment that could jeopardize their acceptance--and if they don’t also get into NRC, then Azul will be all alone. To their surprise, Crowley accepted them a few minutes into the interview after he asked them to sit and just...interact with the other brother. He was shouting something about how twins are a “rare find” and that “people love having two lovers tease them” while furiously shaking both of their hands. They left the office very confused, while Crowley was smirking to himself about his great find. Not only do the Leeches have a strong brotherly bond that will melt people’s hearts, but their whole butler/bodyguard dynamic will play well off of Azul. And those fangs...that’s the cherry on top!

Kalim is automatically in thanks to that massive donation the Al-Asim family oh-so-generously gave to the school. It didn’t matter if he was bouncing off the walls and veering way off topic during the interview. Crowley knows that Kalim’s endless, youthful cheer is sure to appeal to someone.

Jamil is calm, poised, controlled. Almost too much so. Crowley was on the fence about him--doesn’t Jamil seem a little too boring upon first impression?--but his beauty is nothing to sneer at. He allows Jamil in, if only to be a companion to Kalim...and boy, does Crowley not regret that decision. People sure do love the “super repressed crazy one”, huh?

Vil came with a perfectly coordinated outfit and makeup, ready to kill the interview. A shame that Crowley cut it short to congratulate him on his acceptance. Such beauty and confidence will do well at NRC and shilling NRC merch...! His status as a MagiCam influencer and model is also sure to attract Crowley some sweet, free publicity!

Rook was dubbed “the token pervert” in Crowley’s mind the moment he strolled into the office for his interview. He took a great fascination with the headmaster himself, asking many personal questions and even if he can touch Crowley. A very forward lad, even back then. Still, there’s a market for these types of things! Rook’s French (one of the romance languages!) also played into his acceptance--multiingual people can have a broad appeal...!

Epel’s innocent outer appearance instantly won Crowley over, even though he didn’t speak clearly and didn’t wear nice clothes at the interview. Sure, he’s just the son of some farmers from a backwater town, but Epel is just so meek and beautiful! He’d be perfect for those in the public who want someone to take care of. That mild rebellious streak of his may also be popular!

Idia almost didn’t make it. He stuttered and mumbled through his interview, avoided eye contact, and sweated bullets the entire time. It also didn’t help that he looked so disheveled. Crowley forced Idia to change his clothes and wash his face to see how well he cleaned up--and Idia cleaned up very well. The headmaster let Idia in after that to have “otaku” type for advertisements and to potentially beg the Shrouds for donations. Plus, having another sharp-toothed boy doesn’t hurt. The Leeches can’t be the only ones that appeal to the public’s fang fetishists!

Ortho didn’t really have an interview. It was more like Idia made him one day and asked if Ortho could be enrolled as a student. Crowley just shrugged and let it happen. He’s sure that someone out there is into robots in “that” sense.

Malleus did not need an interview. His magical ability already speaks as to why he was an instant acceptance--and he’s related to the Great Witch of Thorns! That, combined with his commanding presence and mysterious allure, makes him a powerful force to be reckoned with. Plus, he has an emotional vulnerability behind all of that...

Lilia spooked Crowley by dropping in from the chimney. Despite this, he nailed the interview and now supplies Crowley with all the content he needs for his “thousand year old vampire that looks like a 12 year old” trope folder. He looks young, but he’s wise and will bite if you’re not careful! On top of all of that, Lilia has a fatherly side, which Crowley knows will make him endearing to some.

Silver fell asleep mid-interview...! Oddly enough, Crowley still accepted him despite that. Soft, sleep boys, after all, have their own sense of charm! Besides, what kind of self-respecting pretty boy fan wouldn’t want to stare at Silver’s peaceful face as he rests?

Sebek’s booming voice nearly sent Crowley flying out of his seat. So loud, and so assertive--yet Sebek also expresses his strong, burning desire to be at the Young Master’s side. Crowley knows that such devotion and boisterousness can be a charm point, so Sebek was accepted!