#abusive!beck

[lockandkeyhyena]

can you break the chain?

[hello-eeveev]

fell into a bit of a cr transcripts rabbit hole and can I just say once again that I am so in love with Astrid Becke and I feel like the wizard fandom should be more in love with her too

[ludinusdaleth]

A while back I saw someone saying Ludinus was... misogynist? I never really noticed that, he seems like he's just universally awful to everyone. Is that an actual thing and I'm just missing it or is it people trying to make him look #problematic to justify seeing him as a shallow villain?

ehhhhhhh..... i i think it can be hyper focused on in fanon to the point it becomes flanderized, but i think he is intentionally coded misogynist. the entire theme of predathos's storyline is about characters, who happen to all be women, seen as wombs/"vessels", and their choice about it. his behavior to liliana is domestic abuse-coded, and he treats her, a much younger woman whose brain he has broken, as a "therapist-mother may" and a partner at once. he goes to caleb who has been awol from empire interests over astrid as his first pick for the assembly (which does have more context, but is noted). and is so incredibly annoyed by vess that he lifts a hand to shut her up (a behavior she is nervous about, implying it's happened before), contrasted with him being cordial to trent who he knows is an abuser (especially to astrid).

i think in an exandrian vacuum, these may not all be seen as bigoted, as they are real life mirrors more than consistent behaviors in the world, and i think that was the intent more than showcasing sexism on that planet. but within that context he would be considered misogynist (i think people take that idea and run with it incredibly far though, similar to how ive seen people definitively label zathuda a rapist in their canon complacent meta, when we simply dont have that confirmation or even subtext). i think these characters are first and foremost manipulators of anyone, but what informs our world and the messages we have to say about it means birdie, fearne, imogen, & liliana are the epitome of southern american women and the question about their bodies in the presence of predatory men with power.

[mayapapaya33]

Spirit of embracing change part 1

I see a lot of negative nellies about all the talk of changes with the animation and look I get it. I'm not a fan of all the changes made in TLOVM, but overall, it's a rad show and its pretty fucking cool. So I figured in the spirit of embracing change I'd come up with something I genuinely hope they change in The Mighty Nein animated show.

One of the few things that actually really bothered me in C2, as opposed to my many more minor critiques, was the Mighty Nein's treatment of Astrid and Eadwulf. The Volstruckers are just as much victims of Trent as Caleb is, they are child soldiers all grown up. Their distinct lack of recognition of that and lack of compassion through most of the campaign was always very disheartening. In the end battle their moral compass Caduceus was busy dealing with his burning home, I really wish they had stepped up and been kind rather than their usual douchbaggey selves. I think Beau and Fjord talking Astrid down from killing Trent was great and was the energy I was looking for all along, that whole scene was fantastic and I loved it. But I was really hoping for more.

Beau doesn't trust Astrid and Eadwulf, which sure fine, don't trust them, but like, invite them over for dinner lol. They can be your new fucked up friends on the path of rehabilitation, why are you guys just letting this shit hang? Caleb literally loves them/ used to love them what is happening? Yes Astrid took the job in the Cerberus Assembly, she could be trying to change it for the better, and there's a greater chance of that if you all become friends! You've got your war criminal buddy out there gardening as a proof of concept, keep going! Unlike Essek, Astrid and Eadwulf's situation isn't their fault. (Yes, they are now adults and are therefore responsible for their own actions, but also, come on, what choices did they really have, very few if you're being honest about it).

Unlike Caleb, Astrid and Eadwulf weren't able to escape Trent, but they still helped The Mighty Nein several times, and frankly, the M9 were deeply ungrateful and entitled about it. Astrid let them go! She could have completely screwed them with a well-placed counterspell, and she didn't. They warned the M9 about Trent's shenanigans and defenses. Beau saw Astrid crying in an alleyway and did nothing with that information! Have they not earned ANY goodwill from you people?!?! Christ on a crutch, have some empathy! Sure knock them out if they are getting in your way, don't let them hurt you, but when the dust settles, get over yourself and really help them!

(And before anyone makes a somewhat gross argument about the difference between Caleb's worthiness vs Astrid and Eadwulf being that he escaped, leaving his abusive environment by choice, EEEEEH WRONG his escape was literally having a mental breakdown and being put in an insane asylum which was somehow a good thing! Which goes to show the horrific position they were all in. They couldn't leave voluntarily, they were all trapped, Caleb just as much as the rest. Caleb just had the ?Good fortune? of having his brain collapse under the strain. Caleb has been able to have a life free of Trent for a few years to learn and grow, Astrid and Eadwulf haven't had that opportunity yet, it's just starting right at the end of the campaign. The M9 could have been there for them if they really wanted to.

C3 proves that their relationship is still complicated, as Essek attacks (nonlethally) rather than just having a conversation, but they exchange a polite-ish greeting to/from Caleb so it's still muddled, here's hoping that relationship gets better in future campaigns, fingers crossed! (Caleb, is canonically polyamorous, has two hands and can make copies of himself, I'm just putting that out there. Matt and Liam need to stop breaking my heart lmfao).

Anyway, my hope is that they actually thread together all of the moments from the campaign and now, with the benefit of hindsight, have it weave in and out of the story satisfactorily with the M9 being a bit more cognizant and grateful of the risks they took to help the M9 and their terrible situation. About Astrid and Eadwulf being insanely traumatized victims of brainwashing and abuse. Victims who were trapped living with, working with, and interacting with their abuser on a daily basis for like a quarter of a century.

[confusedkittensposts]

#the thing that irritates my soul the most is hellers making cas the bad guy for dying#'cas left dean a broken man so many times' - becky he was killed.

@shedontlovehuhself tags on this post made me think, Dean's grief is used as a big proof of his love for Castiel, which is intresting beacuse for a man who breaks after Castiel's death he doesn't doesn't care enough to keep Cas alive or you know about Cas dying.

I'll start with season 8, I have examples before that but I don't want to make this long. Dean changes his memories to make it look like Cas couldn't come out of the portal, and then straight up lies that Cas is dead, which even based on his changed memories isn't given. Then when Castiel coes back he is constantly suspisious, When Castiel confesses to be sucidal Dean does nothing.

Later when Cas says he is likely to be killed after closing the gates of Heaven behind him, Dean again does nothing. I mean the "I Need You" is considered a love confession and yet Dean was ready to let the person he love walk to his death just like that.

In seaon 9, He throws Cas put of the bunker without a second thought, Castiel is dying for like half of season 9 and half of seaon 10 but Dean doesn't even acknowledge it, even though he knew exctlt what was happening to Cas.

And like the only time you can argure that Dean was broken over Castiel is early seaon 13, when Castiel's death was literally their fault. And he did nothing to bring Cas back, like that's what 4 time cas died? And yet Dean prefers performing his grief over IDK thinking Cas would could come back again or looking for a way to do that

A BIG part of fandom also considers the confiessing a crime against Dean, where Cas dumped this big reveal on poor ol' Dean. While Dean himself was "Castiel who???"

[mysteriorb]

i love how some interpretations of mysterio seem like a silly 2-dimensional bad guy on the surface, but in reality he hides behind his mysterio persona because he felt inadequate and wanted to be something greater. he craves attention because he felt invisible as a child, and thought that the only way he could have power was by being someone else.

i wonder if because of quentin's neglectful father and dead mother, quentin got a lot of his ideas of how the world works from watching tv. he probably saw confident and over the top supervillains and wanted to be like them. he felt undeserving of love so he wanted people to fear him.

[the-sparkling-diamond-satine]

🦀🦀🦀

Make me write!! 15 sentences for you!!

I was inspired to turn a three sentence fic into something longer; this is based on this one

“That’s not fair,” Satine says, swiping angrily at her eyes, “what you said to me was cruel and unnecessary and—” “And it was the truth,” Andre interrupts her coldly, and Satine’s stomach ties itself further into knots. “You wanted the truth and you got it. What—would you rather I lie to you? Is that the kind of relationship you want, Satine? One built on dishonesty?” “Of course not.” “We could do that, you know,” Andre tells her, cupping Satine’s face in his hands, studying her like he's at the store trying to decide if the object he's holding is worth the cost. “I could tell you that you aren't often rather frustrating to deal with. I could tell you that you’re beautiful even when you aren’t. I could even tell you that I love you. But you’ll drive yourself mad, always wondering whether or not I really mean it. But if that’s what you want, then—” “No!” Satine interjects, "please don’t lie to me. I want the truth—even when it hurts.”

[tunedtostatic]

I've been rifling through my rewatch thoughts about Astrid all day and I was going to make a joke about "no one needs me to contribute a post about Astrid being an interesting depiction of a victim of abuse when it has been written about" but fuck it, no such thing as too much Astrid, in this essay I will. I think if you ask "What makes Astrid compelling," most people will indeed say something about her being a depiction of many years of abuse, especially since she's a bad victim (in the sense of being too compliant with her abuser, not being too loud and crazy).

Part of what makes her a compelling depiction of someone who has been abused for many years is the way Mercer portrays her ability to think multiple things at one. It's not a binary where the way Trent messed with her head didn't work and she's secretly a good guy, or she's evil without his coercion and believes everything she says about protecting the Empire. She's just having to do what people in abusive situations do, and keep multiple levels of thought and consciousness going at once, feeling some degree of support for Trent in part of her mind while knowing what's happening in another part.

When Caleb shows up at Astrid's house, she's been trapped by their abuser for nearly twenty years. She tortures and murders for the Dwendalian Empire and she both does and doesn't know that what she does as a scourger is horrific. She tells Caleb that she thinks of the faces of the people she's killed and laments, and in the same conversation she tells him that what she does prevents terrible things from happening and protects innocent people like they used to be. She conveys to him that she wants to kill Trent. She conveys to him that she wants to take Trent's place.

Being a d&d wizard is about knowledge. The wizard plotlines in cr2 are epistemic, focused on what can be known, remembered, realized and discovered: Trent and the scourgers, Vess and the ancient knowledge she uses Lucien to try to harness, Essek, and even Yussa and his focus on Who You Know.

Many popular narratives of abuse are also about knowledge. "Knowing" is conflated with "escaping:" the abuse victim is too naive to realize they are being abused, and if they had that knowledge, surely their next step would be escape. Surely abuse is a fluke, and a strong person will always be able to get away.

"A Volstrucker has never disentangled from Trent before. No one who knows what he does, how he breaks us, has shared their trauma with the world. With the king. Imagine the threat you are to him now that you carry respect of both crown and Kryn. So yes, he's invested."

Astrid knows. She knows the nature of what Trent has done to them. She knows what outsiders would think about Trent's abuse if they were to hear about it from someone they respect. The knowledge alone is not enough to save her.

The horrific abuse of the scourgers is administrated by Trent but enabled by their world. Margolin sends the Blumendrei to Trent. Their professors ignore the bandages on their arms. Ludinus is looking the other way. If a powerful "good" person were to know what Trent has done, that would also mean knowing what his scourgers have done, and who, they must wonder, would be willing to help them then?

Astrid knows she does not have the recourse of that respect from the Crown. She knows she does not have powerful allies to protect her from Trent if she were to run away. At their first meeting, all it takes is for Caleb to express open anger at their abuser - and accuse her of not understanding what he does - for her to tell him her own recourse.

LIAM: "I, um…I'm sorry. I will…never forget what we were. And…even now, all these years later, I can't shake it, I still, care a great deal…about you. At least…the girl I knew. But…he has blinded you. You and Wulf and all of his little helpers. And I mourn our childhood, and our souls." MATT: She reaches up, puts her hand on your knee. "I understand your anger. And as much as…he's been our teacher, he's not infallible. He's just an old man, with the right connections, who will one day pass, like they all do." LIAM: "You always were ambitious." MATT: "So are you, apparently, Bren. Like I said. I'm proud of you."

Her frame of reference for Bren is "also ambitious, also a victim," and she trusts him to understand how ambition and safety are the same thing for her. Astrid's hell and Caleb's hell have been so different for the last decade and a half that he misreads the situation in a single line - you always were ambitious - and throws her under the bus at the dinner party, taking her ambition as a cue to see her as less endangered, or less salvageable.

Both their horrible wizard goals - turning back time or becoming an archmage of the Cerberus Assembly - are the multiple of power as safety. Caleb hasn't realized that his own desire to bend reality to his will to save his parents is hubris, so he can't do the math backwards and realize that Astrid's ambition is {her way of saving Eadwulf and herself; her own way of responding to the death of her parents; a desire for magic and power that is inseparable from both of those things}. Like...it's open to interpretation, but I think the answer to "Does Astrid also have evil unsympathetic ignoble desire for power?" is that "also" isn't the right word. Power is magic is safety is a reward for her suffering, and Astrid's ambition, like everything else in her life, means many things at once.

Trent chose to abuse the scourgers and their world chose to let him. Astrid survives Trent for over a decade and a half, helps the Mighty Nein, and saves them in Nicodranas. For Caleb? As a maneuver to save herself? That also might be a question with more than one answer. I don't have a conclusion to this other than hats off to this coerced evil wizard for being an interesting depiction of strength in extremis, figuring out how to know multiple things at once when even her magic isn't her own and hang on all that time.

[your-daily-snl]

Another Brothers, starring Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney as two unruly brothers who interrupt their parents' Super Bowl viewing party.

Original Air Date: 2019

[calltoamentor]

The Perfect Victim and Society's Fixation on Blaming Women

Guinevere Beck from the Netflix series You is as contentious in the fanbase as she is ordinary in the world of the show. The fact is, she is written to be an everywoman. And those same traits are so often used to say that she deserved to die.

Daily writing promptWhat is the last thing you learned?View all responses                 Society has a lot of opinions on how women should behave at any given moment, even leading up to their death. People these women have never even met or would care to meet in their fictional or oftentimes all too real lives develop all sorts of theories about how they deserve to die or be harmed, brutally,…

[lockandkeyhyena]

trying to sketch out piece ideas for art class :/

[vicontheinternet]

Y’all are really atrocious with the Victoria Justice hate. Do y’all even remember why y’all hate her anymore because I promise it was never that serious.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Please tag this as "Beck" so I can find it. I'm looking for... another perspective, mostly?

tw discussions of csa, cocsa, sa in general, sexual harassment

so, im 15, and I don't know what "counts" as sexual assault. I have this thing I think a lot when people refer to certain things (basically anything that's not rape or attempted rape) as sexual assault where my knee-jerk reaction is to think (but i would NEVER say this to anyone) "oh, but that's not assault, it's 'just' harassment". and I've never really understood why I felt that way--I thought it was some misogynistic society bullshit--until very recently, when I realized the reason is because if XYZ thing counts as SA, then I've been sexually assaulted.

somehow it's easier for me to comprehend that it was "just" harassment. but basically, there's three incidents that stick out: one when I was 12 and 13, where my friend would repeatedly make sexual comments about me (and even once took off her shirt) and say i probably "liked it" because I was a bisexual girl (note i am transmasc now but at the time was girlmode). those ones are "just" harassment I think but they still really bother me. another when i was 13 when my different friend would 1) talk about how hot/sexy/etc she thought I was, unsolicited, and how she wanted to fuck me. at the time I thought I was okay with it, but looking back it was really only because all my other peers called me ugly all the time so I craved that validation. im pretty sure it made me uncomfortable even if I didn't quite realize. more pressingly, though, once at a party she tried to kiss me without my permission, almost succeeded, and I had to push her off me. everyone laughed, so I did too, treating it like a joke, and then i did kiss her afterward, but I think it was only because she wanted me to and I felt like I'd be "ruining the joke" if i didn't let her. I don't know if that's assault or not, since at the time I kind of thought it was OK bc it was for the bit or whatever. third, when I was 14, my aunt and mom got drunk when I was around. as i went to leave the room, my aunt slapped my ass, and I felt EXTRAORDINARILY uncomfortable, but when I tried to yell at her, she and my mom told me "if your aunt wants to touch you, she can touch you!! respect her!!". that's not the only time she's done that but it's the one I most clearly remember. I really don't know what that is, cause even though it's a clear violation of my boundaries in a place you can be touched sexually, it's not like she was? doing it? for sexual reasons? but at the same time if one of my cis male peers came up to me and slapped my ass with the same joke behind it, same response to my anger, and same brush off affect, I'd almost certainly call it assault, even if THEY weren't actually attracted to me either.

i don't know. I guess i just want someone to tell me what any of that "counts" as, or even just what sexual assault and sexual harassment ARE in general. it's not like anyone raped me. I have a friend whose gone through absolutely God awful sexual trauma, too, at a much younger age and much higher severity and frequency, so I really feel like whatever happened to me isn't that bad a deal, even though it does like distress me and stuff to think about.

-Beck (he/him)

Hi Beck,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through.

Please know that it's considered sexual harassment for someone to repeatedly make sexual comments towards you and insist that you like it. This is similar to catcalling, which is another form of sexual harassment. Someone making moves on you without your consent, including forced kissing, is also considered sexual harassment, and can even be considered sexual assault.

Someone slapping your ass without your consent can also be considered sexual assault, and I'm appalled that your mom defended your aunt's actions. It's a very twisted line of logic because it doesn't take into account respecting your boundaries and your body. If you don't want to be touched, there is nothing wrong with that and it's not disrespectful to set boundaries like that. I think that even if your aunt didn't necessarily have sexual intentions behind her action, your ass is still a private area and it's still assault to be touched without your consent. I have additional terms and definitions here.

It's important not to compare your experiences to others. As someone who was also told "it's not like you were raped", being raped is not The Ultimate Trauma and should never be used to minimize other trauma. Just because you weren't raped, and thank god you weren't, doesn't mean that the experiences you do have don't matter. Your experiences and feelings about them are valid. Comparing yourself to others you feel have gone through worse doesn't help you process or heal from your own experiences.

Trauma is not measured by what happened, because we all deal with it differently. Some people can go through something you may consider traumatic and be fine, while others may develop complex trauma disorders from the same event. That's because we all have different factors that affect our resiliency, such as genetics, environment, preexisting conditions, a history of trauma, tenacity, and more. This is why trauma is too subjective to be quantified by objective events, and rather by the way we process them mentally.

I'm not sure if your mom would be receptive, but it may be worthwhile to seek out a mental health professional such as a therapist, if you can access or afford it. A therapist could help you process your experiences and feelings surrounding them, equipping you with coping mechanisms to aid you on your healing journey.

I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[myceyelium]

i am begging yall to develop an ounce of reading comprehension i cant take it anymore

[snonkerdoodledreams]

This is probably how my father felt about my mother. I believe that by the time he realized that she wasn't going to change, he had two kids, a mortgage, a job, and a very codependent wife to take care of.

I used to be mad at him for not getting his ass up and leaving but now I know it's very to do that. I don't understand by huge means, but I know he couldn't have gone.

Abusers don’t come with warning labels.  Abusers don’t hit you on the first date. They don’t write “I will humiliate and belittle you” on their Tinder profiles. They don’t wear “I break things to intimidate my partner” t-shirts. People don’t get trapped in damaging relationships because they saw an abuser coming from 20 yards away and decided “I’m going to date that person anyway”. That’s not how any of this works.  In the beginning, abusers can be some of the most thoughtful, attentive people you’ll ever meet. They’re obsessed with you; that’s what makes them so toxic and deadly as time goes on. Abusers buy you flowers. They remember your birthday. They remember to text you “good morning” and “good night”. They listen to your problems, confide in you and share silly inside jokes. They can keep that “loving, doting partner and best friend” mask in place for months or years if they have to.  So the first time they scream at you or hit you, you don’t see an abuser. You see your best friend, your confidante, the person who brought you soup when you were sick and always laughs at your stories about your nutty coworker. You tell yourself they just had a bad day. Maybe they were tired, sick, hungry, or under a lot of stress. You know them. You’ve made a life with them. And they’re so sorry and so ashamed of what they did. This isn’t who they are.  And so things go back to back to normal for a while. Wonderful, even. This is still one of the best relationships you’ve ever been in, even counting that one incident. You go back to date nights, cozy nights in and 5-hour-long conversations that feel effortless. And then it happens again.  And you still don’t see an abuser. You see the person who means the most to you in the whole world. You decide that maybe they’re just struggling. Maybe they have mental health issues. They’ve told you every horrible thing that’s ever happened to them as a child, and maybe it has something to do with that. But either way, they’re not an abuser. Not yet. They’re just a person who needs you more than ever.  Then things are good for a while. Then something bad happens. Then it’s good again. Then it’s bad. Good. Bad. Good. Bad. And every time it happens, it gets a little harder to get out. The time you’ve invested in the relationship goes up, and your self-esteem goes down. By the time you realize that, yes, the person you thought you knew is an Abuser with a capital A, you’re in deep. You’re a frog that stood in a pot of water so long it turned you into soup before you even noticed it was getting a little warm. But you didn’t ask for this. And you certainly didn’t know it was coming.  We have this image in our heads of what abusers must look like. We picture brawny men with low foreheads and stained white tank tops, screaming at their wives while they drink beer in front of the TV. We think they’re like wildlife, as if we could spot them with the help of a guidebook and know to stay far away from them. But they’re not. Abusers can be anyone. They can be female. They can be accomplished. They can be well-groomed. Queer. Politically far-left. Politically far-right. Artists. Athletic. Charitable. Intelligent. They can come from any walk of life, any spot on the gender spectrum, any religion, any background. It’s not the abused person’s fault for not spotting them - they can’t always be spotted. It’s the abuser’s fault for abusing. 

[the-poppy-outie-effect]

It’s the Final Cuntdown! *deeneeneeeeneeee* *boom* *deeneeneneneee*

We’re counting down to the removal of my mother from my life, and we’re getting cunty with it. I’m your host, Beck! No, not that Beck. I didn’t write Loser. Beck, the swaggiest T-Boy known to man. No, you may not contest my title.

My queerphobic, emotionally and verbally abusive mother has less than one year before her relationship with me is dissolved forever! Will she slide into home just before the deadline? Will she remain obtuse and destroy any hope of maintaining contact with her eldest son for the foreseeable future? Only time will tell! All subsequent updates will be found in the tag #Beck’s Final Cuntdown

We’re getting desperate, guys, gors, and nonbinary whores. So we’re gonna blog about it! The final decision will likely be sometime next June.