#absolutely ridiculous specifications of where anything should go

[mcflymemes]

THINGS MY FRIENDS' MUSES HAVE SAID *  assorted dialogue written by my talented mutuals, adjust as necessary

you are stronger than you think.

there's so much you don't know.

sorry to unload this on you. i just don't get to talk about this much.

i'm sorry for misleading you.

you ought to know that. someone ought to tell you.

you really don't tire of this, do you?

i'm running out of patience for this.

you don't owe me anything. i don't think any of us should owe each other anything.

it's... hard to explain, actually.

sorry for waking you.

the opportunity was just too good to pass up.

i know you're just being nice.

i'll take the blame for this.

you're unbearably ridiculous.

i'm leaving after i get my coat.

quit your grinning.

what if we stayed up later tonight?

i'm still figuring it out myself.

you know i'm just gonna keep asking.

i spilled coffee all over not one, but two shirts.

as treacherous as i thought it might be, this journey has been rather... well. interesting, to say the least.

where did you learn to dance?

why the sudden declaration? you're not leaving me, are you?

maybe we should head back to camp.

the stars looked too pretty last night. i couldn't sleep inside my tent.

i love you. i care about you... but you're scaring me.

i hope you don't think you're going to lure me into your bed after a few charming words.

aren't you supposed to offer your assistance with stuff like this?

maybe you could help me from time to time.

you're a heck of a lot cuter than me.

i'm open to suggestions.

what was that for?

you don't have to tell me, if you don't want to.

why the stubbornness?

there's nights i don't sleep easily.

i'll see you at sunrise.

guess it's a good thing you haven't heard.

been a while since i told anyone about that.

what a damn shame i didn't bring a rose.

you're gonna have to be more specific.

i do live to make your life absolutely awful.

wait for me. promise you will.

i'll keep it safe. i promise.

you don't need to say it.

i'm not a bloody mind reader.

haven't you heard?

i know better than to tell you to stay behind.

you can say no. i won't be mad.

you're even sweeter than i remember.

i would have been even happier if i saw you more often.

honestly, i want to get inside before i start to turn blue.

hope you like meatballs.

not being kind. just being honest.

i'm taking us somewhere sandy.

you'll have to hold onto me for a while.

i want to catch up on my reading.

i'm in trouble. it's really bad.

the guest bedroom is all yours.

[miguelsslvt]

Hello mother ❤❤😇 how your day going so far

i just wanted to ask you if you could make an bully!miguel x nerd!reader (virgin fem)

Where miguel very much loves to bully reader,maybe an little to much,loves to see her cry, loves to see an reaction from her,and especially when she vulnerable, but never show that side of him to reader,but he masterbate the thought of reader sucking his dick with tears running down her face,but It was until one day where reader was helping with one of the other nerd their, seeing her smiling to ear to ear made his blood boiling,vein popping,eyes cold as the negative zero,but he just walk off leaving,he already had an punishment in mind for reader, (whatever you want,you could put one) where miguel beat the crap out of the guy and making sure that the guy knew to never touch his nerd,and then the next day miguel locks her up with him in an empty classroom and nsfw part come here,😅🙂 just wants him to be an little possessive (that is definitely isn't an LITTLE but who care)

IDK ANYMORE just an request

😜

bully! miguel x nerd! virgin! reader smut

word count: 1.9k

TW: nsfw, smut, bullying, swear words, threats, miguel is lowkey a perv, loss of virginity.

A/N: FINALLY mother has posted!! quite a long one today, could u tell? welcome to the club!! ^^

you felt weak. helpless. Every time he would utter a word to you, it was never anything nice. Always spiteful. Big mean Miguel o’hara. The rudest but coolest boy in your whole year. You’d be like any girl, gawking and jumping circles around him, if it wasn’t for the way he treated you. You should be flattered, really. Considering all the attention and nicknames he gives you. Although, I wouldn’t say ‘freak’ or ‘know it all weirdo’ are considered ‘cute nicknames’.

He practically barred you from gaining any social status, let alone friends. and as much as Miguel does it to everyone, he liked to specifically target you. Why? god knows. All you know is that Miguel is an asshole. A big one.

——————————————————

It was AP English, and you were supposed to be studying for a Macbeth assignment coming up. Supposed to. That was until Peter Parker, who could possibly be the only other person in school that was as bullied as you, decided to sit beside you and ‘hang out’. Your teacher was on pretty good terms with you, so he didn’t mind having two nerds coddled up in the back of class talking about the latest ‘nyc best seller book’. However, when Miguel noticed you both talking in the back, he realised quickly that you two weren’t talking about book clubs.

‘He’s such a jerk, right?’ Peter said, as you were a giggly mess. You put your hand on peter’s as you crouched to laugh even more. Miguel’s eyes darkened. ‘He is! W-when he’s like, ‘oh yeah I’m the coolest kid in school’, when in truth no one actually likes him!’ You replied, as you and Peter clung onto each other, both laughing messes.

Miguel clenched his jaw, realising you must be talking about him. god, he never felt more rage then he did right now.

The truth was, Miguel did bully you. He knew that. he did it on purpose. Just watching you cry, watching you move away from him in the halls so he didn’t heckle you, that arose something in Miguel that made him smirk whenever you squirmed. However, you didn’t know that most nights when he got a reaction out of you, he would lock himself in his room and pull his cock so hard he’s as much of a mess as you were. Hell, he’s even caught himself whimpering your name a few times. But he wouldn’t ever admit it to you. I mean, its ridiculous! What popular asshole admits to the nerd of the school that he’s been touching himself just thinking about her?! His reputation would be ruined! but would he still do it? absolutely.

‘Honestly, I sometimes think flash is the meanest in our school.’ you say, as peter nods in agreement. ‘Yeah absolutely, either him or Miguel.’ He says, as you tilt your head. ‘Whys that?’ You ask, eyebrows furrowed. Peter raises an eyebrow. ‘I mean, cmon y/n, he’s horrible to you, he made you cry yesterday just because you took the last cake in the cafeteria!’ He said, chuckling. You look down. ’I dunno.. I mean he is a little mean to me but still, the difference between Miguel and flash is that Miguel is actually nice to his friends. flash is an asshole to everyone, including his own family.’ You admit.

Peter looks shocked. ‘I mean, you can’t be serio-‘ ‘been talking bad about me, Pete?’ A deep voice was heard. Your blood ran cold. You could see the fear on peter’s face. you both turned around, seeing Miguel towering above you both. You stood up immediately. ‘I- Miguel I don’t think peter meant it in a malicious way’ ‘I’ll deal with you in a second.’ Miguel snapped, as you looked down.

‘M-miguel I didn’t mean to-‘ Peter stammered, as Miguel scoffed. ‘You didn’t mean to? Oh yeah? So what, you weren’t just saying all that shit?’ He said, as Peter looked down. ‘I-i’m sorry.’ He stuttered, as Miguel clenched his fists. ‘You do anything like that again, I’ll get flash to fuck you up again. You hear me?’ He said threateningly, as he lifted his finger to tap on peter’s glasses. ‘Fixed your glasses huh? hm.. shame. Me and flash worked hard breaking them last semester.’ He mocked, as you looked away. The bell soon rang, and you and Peter quickly gathered your stuff to leave.

It was lunch, as you walked down the hall towards the cafeteria, you heard your ‘nickname’. ‘Hey, know it all!’ Miguel shouted out, as you turned around slowly. ‘Y-yes?’ You stuttered, as he grabbed your hand, pulling you into an empty classroom.

You squeaked, falling back into the wall, as Miguel locked the door beside you. ‘I-i didn’t m-mean to be mean last class Miguel i-i swear I-‘ ‘shut your mouth.’ He said, his voice deeper then usual. He turned around from you, as your face grew concerned. ‘A-are you okay?’ You asked. you hear him chuckle, turning towards you. ‘You’re supposed to be smart, but you can’t see what’s about to happen?’ He asked teasingly, moving closer to you. he stopped just as your noses touched, you could feel his hot breath on your lips.

‘..i-if this is some sick prank, it’s really mean.’ You whispered, refusing to look at Miguel in the eyes. He noticed that. ‘Look at me.’ He said, as you hesitantly look up at Miguel. ‘There she is.’ He teased, his finger lifting up your chin. ‘..y’know, I don’t actually think you’re ugly.’ He confessed, as your eyebrows rose.

You were confused. Very confused. ‘Wh-what are you..?’ You tried saying, as Miguel leaned closer to your lips. ‘Let me kiss you.’ He whispered, as your eyes widened. ‘..you-you hate me.’ You said, looking up at Miguel. He smirked. ‘Who says that?’ He teased. He leaned closer to your er. ‘I’ve been infatuated about you for a while now. I never knew why, but when I saw you with damn Parker.. it’s made me realise. Made me know for sure now that I want you.’ He confesses, as you gasped. ‘you.. what?’ you uttered out, as he leaned back towards your lips. ‘Can I kiss you?’ He asks, as you took a moment to digest what he just said.

Did Miguel O’hara just confess he liked you thew whole time he was bullying you? This is all too confusing for you. You should say no, you should go, you should push him away.

‘..yes.’ you muttered, as you watched Miguel’s eyes lighten up with something. Lust? Love? You’re not too sure. What you were sure about, however, was his lips on yours. It was a funny feeling, considering it was your first kiss.

His lips were warmer compared to yours, but they were soft. Too soft. As you both indulged in the kiss, his hands moved down towards your waist. You weren’t sure where to put your hands, so you just settled with his shoulders and hoped it was the right move.

He let go eventually, panting for air, as were you. He smirked. ‘You haven’t kissed anyone before, have you?’ He mocked. ‘Let me guess, you a virgin too?’ He spoke as you blushed, looking away. He moved his right hand to move your chin towards him. ‘Nothing to be ashamed of, sweetheart. Let me take care of that for you.’ He said, his voice sultry.

before you could respond, Miguel grabbed your hips and led you to an empty desk, lifting you up onto it.

You squeaked again, as he just chuckled in response. ‘Who knew little crybaby nerd was such a compliant little girl?’ He teased, as you looked up at him, your face filled with embarrassment. His lips met yours once again, as he kissed you sensually. He lifted your uniform skirt up, his hands travelling up and down your thighs. You pulled away from the kiss slightly to gasp, as he sighed. ‘..you ok with this?’ He asked, as you looked down. Soon enough you looked up at Miguel, nodding. You put your hands on his necks, as you pulled him in for another kiss.

You both were indulged in the moment, and before you knew it, your panties were off and Miguel was unbuckling his belt. You looked down patiently, and honestly a little nervously, to see if the rumour of ‘big dick Miguel’ was true.

‘..it is true.’ You mumbled, eyes wide as his hardened 8 and a half inches stood with pride. He raised an eyebrow. ‘What was true?’ He asked, confused. ’n-nothing. I.. is it.. is it erm, y’know- gonna hurt?’ You asked, your voice shaky. He looked down at you, sighing. ‘It might. But it’ll feel good soon enough, trust me. Okay?’ He said, kissing you softly for what seemed like the first time ever.

He slowly pushed inside, as your eyes widened. Before he could get to more then the tip, you winced. ’S-stop!’ You said, as he stopped moving. ‘..l-let me just.. g-get used to it..’ You said head on Miguel’s shoulder. He tutted, stroking you hair. ‘Haven’t you even put a finger in there before? Damn it, darling, you’re tight..’ He said, kissing your head. eventually, you caught your breath. ‘..g-go deeper.’ You said, as he nodded patiently, pushing all of himself inside. You cried out, tears falling down your face, and something switched in Miguel again.

He couldn’t help himself. That sweet defenceless face of yours, hot with tears, was enough to make him start bucking his hips into yours. He pulled in and out, his hands stuck tightly on your hips, as you clawed on his shoulders, gasping and whining from the painful.. pleasure? Maybe Miguel it was right, maybe it does start to feel good after a while.

As you both got into a rhythm, the pain was overseen by the pleasure soon enough. You were moaning in Miguels ear, gasping. God this was like a dream for him. You were a squirming, whimpering mess, putty in his hands. And he loved every bit of it. ‘god.. you’re so fuckable.. w-who knew the nerd would be such a fucking cute little slut?’ He teased you, as you just moaned in response. ‘Told you it’d feel good, didn’t I? C’mon sweetheart, use your words.’ He cooed, your face scrunching up in a mixture of pain and pleasure. He moved his hand from your waist to your cheek, as he wiped some of your hair away. ‘Hm? Thought you were smart, sweetheart. Wheres all those big words now huh?’ Miguel whispered, as you felt your stomach getting hot. ‘I- m-miguel i-it feels weird..!’ You managed to moan out, as he moved his forehead to rest on your own. ‘You’re gonna cum sweetheart, thats why.. don’t worry, I am too. we can do it together, yeah?’ He panted, as you nodded.

Soon enough, you reached your high, as Miguel played with your clit, making your first orgasm fucking amazing. Your eyes rolled back, as you moaned loudly. As you started to come down, Miguel pulled out, and came on your thighs with a loud grunt. You both stayed for a moment like this, your foreheads leaning on one another, sweaty and panting. once Miguel caught his breath, he cleared his throat and fixed his pants, walking over to the empty teachers desk to find some tissues, walking back over to you as he silently cleaned your messy thighs. Once he was finished, he looked down at you, leaning closer. ‘..you okay?’ He asked quietly.

‘m..mhm.’ you choked out, looking down. ‘I-..I won’t tell anyone.’ You reassured, as he nodded, moving your skirt down. ‘..you should go to the bathroom before running to the cafeteria. Your hair is uh.. y’know.’ He said, as you blushed and nodded.

Miguel left before you, as you stood up and sighed, fixing your hair and uniform. You then looked around the classroom.

You’ll never be able to look at history classroom the same ever again.

[charmandabear]

Office Hours - Chapter Six

Summary:

Astarion surprises you with a night at the theatre that doesn't go quite according to your plan.

Pairing: Astarion/F!Reader Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4.7k Tags/Warnings: rough/angry sex, hair pulling, emotional manipulation, dubcon, bad BDSM practices, angst, daddy kink, reminiscent of Ascended!Astarion, discussions of domestic abuse (in Taming of the Shrew)

Hi. Hello. My sweets. My darlings. This is it. The chapter where you absolutely must mind the tags. Just know that I won't take you anywhere that we won't be able to come back from. Know that I, too, am an absolute baby when it comes to intense subject matter in fics. But I want you to take care of yourselves and your hearts. As always, shoot me a message if you'd like more specifics.

Photo credits: Zaria for Green Pussy Suit Astarion and Nephi Garcia for the incredible dress.

Read on AO3 ~ Masterlist

“In the library? Babes, are you insane?” Shadowheart's voice reaches a pitch you’re fairly sure only dogs can hear. You curl your knees into your chest and cover your face in your hands, feeling the exact appropriate amount of shame.

“I know, I know. All logic goes out the fucking window around him. All I can think is ‘mm, good dick makes brain go brr.’” You let out a frustrated sigh into your hands.

“Do you want to get fired?” She pulls your hand from your face so you can't hide from her pointed stare.

“Oh trust me, I ran about forty different scenarios of that happening through my head on the drive home.”

“Did you, now? And in how many of these did he also get fired?” Shadowheart presses, knowing how your anxiety can get out of hand.

“Like, two,” you groan and drop your head back onto the couch cushions. “I don't know what comes over me. I feel like I can't tell him no.”

“Wait, wait.” Shadowheart grips your knee, suddenly worried. “You can't tell him no as in it feels too good to stop? Or as in it doesn't feel safe to say no?”

“Nine hells, no, the first one!” you respond, horrified. She squints at you and you squirm under her gaze until you’re finally more truthful, both with her and yourself. “Well, I mean, mostly. Like it's not like that. But like also not not like that, you know?”

“I can assure you I do not,” she says in a flat voice, not interested in joking around. You sigh dramatically, trying to find the right words to describe how you feel.

“Like. Okay. Am I fully consenting to everything we do? Yes. 100%. Oh gods, yes.” Your cheeks tinge pink even thinking about it. “But like… am I going against my best judgment? Do I feel like I should say no? Does part of me kinda wish I would say no? Like… maybe?”

“Tav, that's not okay. You need to talk to him about this.” Shadowheart’s voice is soft with genuine worry. Which is ridiculous, because she’s focusing on the wrong thing.

“No, see, that's the thing. It's not actually a him issue, it's a me issue. Like there's something wrong with me, I see his most toxic traits and suddenly I'm like a horny teenager!” Your voice increases in pitch as you grow more hysterical. “How am I supposed to call him out on it when the only words that will come out of my mouth are ‘yes daddy, more please’?”

“Is there anything redeemable about him at all? Besides being good in bed?” She leans back, taking a sip of her wine and fixing you with an incredulous look. 

“I mean… yeah. He’s witty, and bantering back and forth with him is fun. He’s incredibly smart, as loath as I am to admit it, and I like hearing his ideas on things, especially his interpretation of Shakespeare’s text.” You don't even notice the smile growing on your face, but Shadowheart does. “And he’s got this unexpectedly soft side. Like he seems cold and aloof on the outside, but he cares, deeply. About his students, about his cat, about-”

“About you?” she interjects, and your smile falters.

“I don't know, Shade,” you say quietly, almost ashamed to look her in the eye. “I think so. I hope so. But it's not like we've been seeing each other for that long, he’s under no obligation to feel anything.” You practically swallow the last sentence, a truth you're reticent to voice. 

“And you?” she asks softly.

“Man, I don't fucking know. I just want to keep getting laid and not catch feelings, is that so much to ask?” you whine. She laughs, but you can tell that she's only humoring you.

“For you? Probably.”

***

It's been several days and your busy schedules have kept you and Astarion apart for most of it. Save the occasional tension-filled passing in the hall, you've barely interacted at all. You're almost beginning to believe that your whirlwind affair has come to an end when you find a mystery package at your apartment door.

It's made out to you with no discernable return address. You bring the box into your apartment while examining it, trying to ascertain its origin. It doesn't even really look like it was sent through the mail, it looks like it was dropped off.

You take out your phone and call down to the front desk. It rings a few times, then a somber voice answers.

“What dost thou require?” His voice is deep and crackled, like some ancient eternal being.

“Hi Withers, it's Tav in 3C. Do you know anything about this package that was left at my door?”

“I have inspected it, and determined it safe for you to open. It was brought by someone claiming to be a friend.”

“Can you tell me anything about this someone?”

“No.”

And the line goes dead. You laugh and shake your head. If Withers says it's safe, then it probably is. You’d trust that wrinkly old man with your life, honestly. You cut open the tape sealing the box shut and lift off the top.

Inside is something wrapped in tissue paper with a note stuck to it in Astarion's immaculate handwriting. 

Tomorrow evening The Rosewood Seven o’clock Wear nothing underneath

You let out a small involuntary moan when you read the last three words. You carefully unwrap the tissue paper to find a fabric that looks like it's made of starlight. You pull out the midnight black dress and go slightly breathless when you get a good look at it. 

It’s a backless dress with a sweetheart neckline and intricate gold embellishments that almost make it look like armor. It has a lavish gold neck piece attached by several gold chains that drip over the skin. The skirt is made of a weightless black fabric that shimmers with gold as you move it in the light. It almost appears to be cut into two panels with dual hip-high slits.

With a dress cut like this, you wouldn't be able to wear undergarments even if you wanted to.

Your heart hammers in your chest as you think about what he might have in store for you. You're not even sure what's running at the Rosewood right now, but it could be complete trash and you wouldn't even care. You probably won't even be able to pay attention, too distracted by Astarion sitting next to you for two hours.

You feel a pulsing between your legs at the thought. You think of his hand sliding up your knee while you struggle to keep a straight face. Or him reaching an arm around you, gently sliding his fingers into your hair before giving it a sharp tug.

Another moan works its way out of your throat and you follow it up with an annoyed groan. You can really get swept up at the most inconvenient times. It’s not like you don’t have any work you need to do or anything. You roll your eyes as you stalk off to draw a bath.

***

Waiting in the lobby of the theater, you’re feeling surprisingly nervous. The dress, though beautiful, is not particularly comfortable. With all of its various chains and pieces, you needed Shadowheart’s help just to put it on. It helps that she’s also incredibly talented when it comes to hair and makeup, so in truth you feel positively glamorous. 

When you see Astarion, however, everything goes silent. You’re certain that he’s posing for you the way he’s stopped to adjust his cuff. The cut of the suit he’s wearing is exceptionally flattering and you imagine running your hands all over the emerald velvet. His crisp white button down is almost sheer and you desperately want to pull him into you by that forest green silk tie. 

But you can’t tear your eyes away from his face. This is the first time you've seen him wear makeup, and the simple smokey eyeliner look makes his red irises pop. He’s decided to forgo his glasses, presumably opting for contacts instead to show off the makeup. He’s also swapped out his standard silver hoops for little daggers with a red rhinestone glimmering at the hilt. 

He looks up at you the moment you lay eyes on him, or more specifically, the moment your heart starts to beat out of your chest. He flashes you a devastating smile before striding up to you and pulling you into a deep kiss. You can’t even be bothered to care that the other patrons are probably staring as he slides his hand onto your bare lower back, his cool touch sending a shiver up your spine.

He pulls away from you just enough to breathlessly ask, “Are you ready to sit down?”

“Huh?” You’re distracted, too busy plotting a mental path to the bathrooms to fuck him. He lets out a winded chuckle.

“The play. House is open, would you care to find our seats?” His palm is still pressed against your back and you can barely form coherent thoughts. You still don’t even know what play you’re here to see. You just want—no, need—to be near him.

“Um, yeah,” you respond, still trying to get your bearings and remind yourself how to be a person. You let him lead you into the theater, and only once you're in your seats do you realize that neither of you grabbed a program. You pull out your phone to see if you can look it up, but service in the Rosewood is notoriously bad. Instead you just need to sit still next to Astarion, who looks like a dream and smells even better. 

He glances at you as your heart quickens again and his lips curl into a smile. He slips his hand behind your neck and lightly runs his finger along the seam between the golden collar of the dress and your flesh, sending goosebumps down your arms. He leans toward you until his lips are almost brushing your ear. 

“You look absolutely ravishing, my dear,” he whispers, his breath tickling your earlobe. You turn your face toward him on instinct, your chest heaving as you try to steady your breathing. Your lips hover inches apart, anticipating the kiss, when suddenly a throng of noisy actors come barreling down the aisles. You snap away from Astarion as the cacophony of their shrieks of laughter, calls across the audience to one another, and drunken banter fill the house.

One of them clambors onto the stage and shouts, “For God’s sake, a pot of small ale!” He’s dressed in rags and appears by far to be the drunkest of them all. Three servingmen swarm him with various shouts of, “Will’t please your honor?” He shoves them all away and proudly takes up space center stage.

“I am Christophero Sly! Call not me ‘Honor’ nor ‘Lordship,’” he bellows as the rest of the players make their way onto the stage.

Christopher Sly… you’re wracking your brain to remember which play he serves as a framing device for. Most productions cut this scene because it’s long and completely irrelevant. You just can’t for the life of you remember which play he appears in.

The scene continues with their drunken antics and slapstick comedy as the players address Sly as “my noble lord,” making him believe he’s a king that they’re about to perform for. Eventually they carry Sly out on a makeshift palanquin as the “play within the play” begins. Two handsome young men in preppy clothes enter, holding a book and wearing glasses that aren’t too dissimilar from Astarion’s round metal ones. The one without the glasses speaks first.

“Tranio, since for the great desire I had to see fair Padua…”

Tranio? Isn’t he one of the characters in Taming of the Shrew?

He knows you don’t like this play.

Well, if it’s all that’s playing at the Rosewood right now…

But if that’s the case why not just, like, see a movie?

You shift uncomfortably in your dress and cast your gaze towards Astarion. He smiles, taking your fingers and placing a gentle kiss on your knuckles before turning back to the stage. He keeps your hand in his, absentmindedly stroking the back of your hand with his thumb. 

You can feel your heart pounding in your ears and you find yourself wondering what’s running through his head. Just when you think you have him figured out, he does something to surprise you. And honestly, not always in a good way.

Maybe it won’t be so bad. You know the creative team at the Rosewood wouldn’t pick this show if they weren’t going to try to do something with it. 

But even still… is this text even redeemable?

You sit through the entirety of the show cringing as the audience around you laughs at flagrant displays of domestic abuse. The actors, several of whom you’ve worked with before, are trying their hardest to make the lines playful, but some things just can’t be recovered. Between the forced starvation, physical intimidation, and gaslighting, you wonder why companies even bother performing this play anymore. No matter how witty the writing is, it’s just too out of date to be a good season choice.

When the time comes for Kate’s final monologue, you watch in pain as the actress tries to wink-wink-nudge-nudge her way through lines like “place your hands below your husband’s foot.” She’s young, and you wonder if this is one of her first professional gigs. You get a little sad knowing that she’s probably just desperate to do anything, even if it’s trash.

Maybe you’re being a little harsh. All of the individual elements of the show—the acting, set, costumes, direction, lighting—were quite good. You just can’t get over how irredeemable this text is. Worth teaching, yes, and maybe even taking Act II out of context just for the fun banter and clever wordplay. But professional theatre companies should really just retire this one.

In the Lyft back to your apartment, you decide to get Astarion’s take on the matter.

“Do you think it’s possible to redeem a text like Taming in a modern age?”

He pauses for a moment, continuing to look away from you and out the window.

“I do, yes,” he finally answers. “I think it takes a skilled hand, but it can be successful when done well.”

You sit on his response, chewing it over. You decide to take a different route.

“I guess a better question is do you think it’s worth trying to? Like, what are we getting out of it anymore?”

“Is entertainment not enough?” he says with a laugh. You wrinkle your nose at him.

“Sure, if you’re a basic ass bitch. But I want my art to mean something. And I can’t think of what this play can possibly mean if it’s not ‘shrill women are annoying and should learn their place.’” You cross and uncross your legs, trying to keep yourself decent.

“Last I checked, you enjoy being put in your place,” he says in a low hum and your pussy betrays you with a clench. 

“Shut up,” you grumble, and you’re grateful that the dark car hides your reddening cheeks. “It’s different.”

“Is it, though? Ultimately it is a text about two dysfunctional people finding comfort in one another.” His sincerity catches you off guard, and almost makes you angry that he’s been taken in by the propaganda.

“That’s only a valid interpretation if you ignore half of what happens in the play. They’re not equally dysfunctional, Kate literally gets beaten into submission and pretends to be happy about it. Petruchio is exactly the same from the start to the finish, he has no fucking character arc.” Your hands start to shake as you try to keep your cool. You’ve had this conversation far too many times with men who think they can interpret out the sexism by simply glossing over Kate’s abuse.

The Lyft stops in front of your building and you thank the driver as you get out. Astarion follows you, and you’re not even sure if you want him to accompany you upstairs. But you remain silent as you walk past Withers and into the elevator.

“You’re overreacting,” Astarion says once the elevator doors close. “People are drawn to this play for a reason. The text is excellent, and no one truly thinks of Petruchio as an abuser.”

“Are you joking?” Your voice gets shrill and the similarity to Kate isn’t lost on you. “The whole thing normalizes his abuse. The fact that people don’t think of him as an abuser is the problem.”

“It’s a slapstick comedy,” he snaps, his voice growing stern. “Are you going to tell me that we need to cancel the Three Stooges because it promotes violence?”

“Don’t be fucking condescending,” you spit. “It’s not the same and you know it.”

“How is it not the same? Suddenly because it’s a woman in the role it no longer counts? Are you implying that women should be barred from certain types of performance because of their gender?” He walks past you into your apartment and you throw your keys and bag on the counter, not even bothering to see where they land.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying, now you’re just twisting my words,” you grumble, more frustrated than ever by your inability to match his eloquence.

“So use your own words,” he sneers, whirling around to face you. “How is it not the same?”

“It’s because- well, I- It’s different, just- argh!” Your head is clouded by your attraction to him, which has annoyingly only grown over the past few minutes of shouting. You’re suddenly reminded of the smug arrogant bastard that you first met. He lets out a jeering laugh.

“See? You can’t even defend your own point.” 

His sardonic cruelty sets something off in you and you angrily grab the lapel of his green suit. Your intentions are a complete mystery even to you, because as soon as you’re within inches of one another, instincts take over. You crush his lips into yours and pull him backwards until you thump against the door behind you. He paws hungrily at the dress, sliding his hand under the slit and around to grab your bare ass. You gasp into his touch, feeling equally frustrated and aroused that he even controlled what you wore tonight.

Your fingers make their way into his hair and you pull hard, breaking the kiss and leaving his mouth open, panting. His eyes are sparkling with a fire that you haven’t seen yet and a low growl manifests in your throat. He smirks and buries his teeth into your shoulder, something he usually asks bespoke permission for. You cry out in response, twisting your hands tighter into his silvery locks.

He unlatches from your shoulder and pushes his knee past the front of your skirt and up onto your bare cunt. You grind wantonly against the velvet as he kisses you with bloody lips. He grabs hold of the delicate chains of the dress and yanks, detaching them from the collar and making the entire bodice crumple and pool around your waist. Your nipples immediately harden at the sudden exposure to cold air and he pinches one sharply between his fingers. Your hips roll into his leg as you groan, fully ruining his pants. He continues to bite around your neck and shoulders, placing little puncture wounds in his path, marking you as his.

You grab onto his tie and push him away so you can shimmy out of the rest of the dress. You’re now down to just the gold collar of the dress and your heels, a look you wish you could hate but don’t. You pull him across your living area and toward your bedroom, shoving him down onto the edge of the bed. 

“Thou hast hit it, come, sit on me,” he says, quoting Petruchio with a sinister grin. Kate’s retort falls out of your mouth reflexively.

“Asses are made to bear, and so are you,” you hiss as you straddle his hips, wrapping his tie around your hand until you’ve gripped it up to the knot. Your other hand violently unbuckles his belt, yanking it through the loops with a snap.

“Women are made to bear, and so are you,” he says with a caustic laugh, digging his nails into your ass cheeks. You tug sharply on his tie, bringing his lips close to yours.

“No such jade as you, if me you mean,” you snarl and silence him with an angry kiss. You don’t want to encourage his idiotic behavior, but you’d be lying to yourself if you said this wasn’t a fantasy you’ve had before. You fumble with the buttons of his suit jacket, trying to get him undressed as quickly as possible. You’re not sure if you feel more vulnerable or more powerful being undressed while he’s still fully clothed, but either way you want him naked, now. You get about three buttons into his shirt before you grow impatient, ripping it the rest of the way open and sending buttons flying. 

Good. Let him need to repair his clothes for once.

You push him flat onto his back and descend onto his chest, alternating kisses, licks, and bites. Your dull human teeth don’t have nearly the same effect as his fangs, but it just means you get to bite twice as hard in order to leave a mark. He writhes beneath your touch, and you feel a twisted satisfaction at the quiet little grunts and gasps you’re finally pulling from him. He’s rarely this vocal during sex, and it’s only serving to spur you on more.

His groans build until you capture his nipple in your teeth and bite down, causing him to shout and buck his hips up into you. In a flash he flips you around onto your back and he bears down on you, eyes dangerous. 

“Little love, do you think you’re in control?” he asks in a low growl, his hand gripped around your jaw. You sneer and slide your leg against the strained bulge in his pants. He hisses and your smile widens.

“Right now? Yes,” you coo, continuing to press your calf against his velvet-covered cock. You grab the tie still hanging around his neck and pull him close. 

“If you want it back, fucking take it.”

If I put my hands around your wrists, would you fight them?

He kisses you roughly, catching your bottom lip in his teeth biting hard enough to puncture the skin. He pulls back slightly, a drop of your blood running down his chin and a snide grin. He makes like he’s about to kiss you again but shoves your face away before your lips make contact.

This is the worst you’ve ever seen him—the most arrogant, the most condescending, borderline cruel even. And you have never been more turned on.

If I put my fingers in your mouth, would you bite them?

“Is that all you’ve got?” you taunt, licking the blood from your lips. “Go ahead, choke me, daddy.”

The feminist in you is horrified, but the little gremlin controlling your libido is having the time of its life. It squeals with delight when his hand closes around your throat, just barely constricting your breathing. 

“You insolent little brat,” he breathes into your ear, pulling up on your jaw. “I will absolutely ruin you.”

And there will be no tenderness, no tenderness.

“Do it, coward,” you spit, and he lets go just long enough to finish undressing from the waist down. He grabs your still heeled ankle and presses your leg up by your shoulder, stretching you wide enough to take him without any prep. You gasp as he fills you, the stinging pain outweighed by the gratification of finally feeling him inside you.

The only thing that I ask, love me mercilessly.

He sets a punishing rhythm, one knee on the bed and the other foot still firmly planted on the floor. He bottoms out with each long thrust and you grab hold of his hair to brace yourself. He winces with the pain but doesn’t slow down, and your moans grow high and loud as he continues to furiously pound into you. 

“Gods, fuck, Astarion,” you keen, your desire coiling in your belly and threatening to explode. “Keep going, daddy, fuck me please.” He grunts with the effort and your dirty talk seems to be having an effect as his pace falters. You jerk your hips up into him, chasing your orgasm, until finally it barrels through you like a runaway train. You pull on his hair as you come and that sets off his, his pulsing cock pressing against the clenching walls of your cunt. 

He stays deep inside you as the aftershocks reverberate through both of you, until the only sound remaining is your heavy panting. He drops his forehead to touch yours, a pleasantly tender moment after some of the roughest sex you can recall having. He starts to giggle and you follow suit, suddenly giddy. He pulls out of you with a squelch and walks to the bathroom to get a towel to clean up the mess you’ve left behind. He wipes you down gently, a surprising bit of aftercare you’re not accustomed to with him. He plants a tender kiss on your lips and you feel dizzy with affection for him.

You settle up against the headboard of your bed, his arm around you and both of you looking at your phones in a companionable silence. After a moment, he lets out a small chuckle. 

“What?” you ask, turning your head towards him quizzically.

“I’m just shocked that worked, is all,” he laughs, shaking his head. Your confusion grows and you furrow your brow.

“What worked?” you laugh with him, but something doesn’t feel right.

“The whole night, taking you to see Taming, getting into just enough of a fight to result in,” he vaguely waves his hand, gesturing to the edge of the bed, “all of that.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean?” You pull away from him and your stomach drops. Surely he can’t be suggesting what you think he’s suggesting.

“You get riled up so easily, I thought this might be fun.” He still doesn’t seem to have picked up on your heart pounding in your ears, which is frankly unusual for him.

“Are you saying… Wait, are you saying that you planned that fight? So, what, we’d have angry sex?”

“Of course, you don’t think I actually believe anything that I said, do you? Taming of the Shrew might be well-written, but it’s a rubbish play to produce.” He finally turns to you and sees that you’ve gone white as a sheet. “Oh, darling, don’t take it like that, you’re positively adorable when you’re angry, I couldn’t resist.” He tries putting his hand to your cheek but you flinch away like he’s burned you.

“Get out,” you say in a low voice, unable to even look at him.

“What?” He’s still laughing. He doesn’t get it. “My sweet, didn’t you-”

“GET. OUT.” Your voice has a venom in it that even shocks you. He stares at you in horror until you shoot him an icy glare. “Now.”

Without a word he stands and quickly puts his clothes back on. You stay in your bed, naked and curled under a sheet, until you hear the front door of your apartment slam. With shaking hands, you call Shadowheart.

“Moonmaiden’s delight, did you enjoy yourself? It certainly sounded like you did.” The sound of Shadowheart’s bubbly laugh usually makes you smile, but right now it seeps into your skin like poison.

“Shade, please come over,” you whimper, and the second the words leave your mouth, the tears begin to fall. You don’t hear her hang up, but you do hear a muffled, “I’m going to fucking kill him!” through the wall. You pull your knees further into your chest and sob.

[pastrydragon]

The BG3 Beef I wanna see shitpost

While I do love the idea of Tav/Astarion/Karlach/whoever getting more unique mean dialogue with Ulder Ravengard, especially when he has the audacity to take up space in your camp like that instead of someone cooler like Barcus or that one bullied hyena, I want very specific flavor text that you'd only get in the epilogue party if you pick a specific ending even more.

I think if you romance Wyll as Gale or Gale as Wyll and then you don't go to Avernus, I think it would be totally galaxy brain to have dialogue in the epilogue that reveals Ulder Ravengard and Morena Dekarios fucking DESPISE one another. Because they absolutely would.

We never get to meet Morena in game but you can tell from what Gale and Tara say about her and Gale's... Galeness that she is at least a part time passenger on the "Fuck you my child is fine" train. Her sweet little boy? Commit evil deeds? Never! There has obviously been a mistake. I mean she indulged that "Gale Of Waterdeep" nonsense and when Gale summoned a full on Tressym after being explicitly denied a kitten as a child, she just let him keep her. No repercussions.

And then her sweet boy brings home another sweet boy who is probably EXACTLY what she pictured Gale's partner should be like.(Because Wyll is the damn blueprint for "Guy you could bring home to mom") Wyll is ridiculously sweet to Gale, he's the perfect gentleman, he's very open to the idea of giving Morena the grandchildren she's been nagging Gale about in the very near future. Pinch her, she must be dreaming!

I cannot imagine her reacting to Wyll's backstory with any amount of empathy towards Ulder, obviously that man is a cruel psychopath to throw poor Wyll out like that after "a tiny misunderstanding" and Wyll is just too good of a son not to see it. Which is partially true, Wyll is definitely still in some kind of denial stage over what his father did but that's not the point of the post.

Then there's Ulder who probably thinks Gale is... Fine. He's not someone he ever would have pictured for Wyll. Gale is a babbling oddball, he has chronic foot-in-mouth disease and has only ever met the pointy end of a sword. But he can't say anything because Gale saved him, his son, and Bulder's gate, and a small army of tieflings, and apparently a bunch of mushroom people and blah blah more reasons he can never have the moral high ground blah. He's undeniably stuck with this fucking wizard, and his nightmare of a mother.

Morena firmly believes that since the Ravengard manor is technically Wyll's now, then it's also Gale's and thus is now hers as well. When I say she would walk through the doors like she owned the place I mean it very literally. Where did Ulder's old helmet display go? "They were rusty and it was ruining the wooden shelves, besides these enchanted swords go better with the new drapes we had to get, I don't know how you didn't notice how moth eaten they were getting." Everyday he wakes up and something about his own damn home has been changed to make it look more like a wizard tower. She doesn't even live here most of the time!

And it doesn't stop there, not at all. No this women has to make sure his son doesn't live there full time either. Every holiday and birthday she has to send Gale a letter about how much she misses him and you should visit so you can take a break from all that(Very important!) work and how she already has the venison just for Wyll.

And every time he's forced to interact with this harpy she looks at him with a sweet smile on her face, honey in her voice and the burning hatred of a thousand suns in her eyes then somehow managed to insult him five times in one sentence without ever explicitly insulting him. This women is a devil from Avernus sent to punish him for his sins and she's even won over the grandkids. Obviously that women is a manipulative psychopath for using her control over Gale to manipulate his son. Which, yeah Gale not being able to say no to his mom has contributed greatly to this and if Wyll knew what healthy boundaries looked like he probably wouldn't have put up with it but he doesn't so here we are.

Let these two be the Tom and Jerry style B plot to BG4 is what I'm saying.

[transmascissues]

holy crap dude, i only sent that anon because this blog is called “transmascissues” and “parents reacting way too personally” is not a transmasc issue, it’s a trans issue. “moms react with crying” and dads react with violence? what is your point? do you REALLY think that the difference in experience between transmascs and transfems are THAT different??? why do the details matter when the reasoning is the same? i am a trans man and i know exactly what you’re talking about. i just think it’s weird that you are basically saying trans guys have it worse. you’re literally ONLY focused on your own experiences and u assume youre the only one who’s gone through something like that?

jesus fucking christ…

alright, let’s do this fast so i can go back to living my life.

if you think this is about something as simple and general as “parents reacting way too personally,” you clearly don’t understand exactly what i’m talking about, even if you are a trans man. maybe if you actually read what i’m saying instead of just looking for anything in it that you can get mad at, you’d have a better understanding of what i’m referring to.

“why do the details matter” so you do understand that the details are different and you just think we shouldn’t be allowed to talk about them? that’s…somehow even worse, honestly. do you really think the way transphobia is enacted makes no difference if the intent is the same? do you really think trans people should never want to express their specific experiences and find people who relate? do you think the details don’t change the emotional experience for the person being targeted at all? do you think victims of transphobia shouldn’t be allowed to seek out people who were victimized in the same specific way and who understand that emotional experience? the details absolutely matter.

where did i say this being different from what transfems typically experience means we have it worse? i’ll give you a hint: the answer is nowhere. i didn’t say that. i have never once said on this blog that anyone has it worse than anyone else because i think that’s a ridiculous way to talk about basically any issue.

god forbid i talk about my own experiences. god forbid i make posts about the things being directed to me in my own home by my own family. god forbid i have a real life and real emotions and exist as a real person not just a robot that spits out impersonal theory. i’m talking about my experiences because they’re the ones i live with every day. you might be able to come on here and get mad at me and then go about your day, but when i log off i’m just going back to the exact transphobia i described, so yeah, i’m focused on it. fucking sue me.

if you send me anything else you owe me $50 per second i waste on reading it because this is getting exhausting and you obviously have no interest in actually listening to me.

[createserenity]

Reunions and the sound of glass

I don't often analyse scenes in Good Omens, I much prefer talking about their character dynamics, like I do here (and I have several other posts in the works along similar themes) but there’s a scene in episode 4 that I really want to talk about because it has both relationship stuff and a mystery – specifically the sound of breaking glass (that's not really glass breaking as such).

So let's talk about the scene when Aziraphale arrives back from Edinburgh. How adorable is Aziraphale’s face when he sees Crowley? They’ve literally been apart for a day and he’s so flippin’ delighted to see him. He’s missed him. He had fun investigating, but it wasn’t nearly so much fun without Crowley there. Now he’s back, he’s so very happy about it and he can’t wait to see Crowley. See how excited his face is? And he’s literally leaning forward to peer around the door columns as he approaches the shop.

Then Crowley appears and Aziraphale beams, he literally lights up with so much joy the moment he sees him and hears his voice. There’s even this split second when he sees Crowley where he opens his arms like he really wants to embrace him.

Then he gets a face full of plants and my goodness the look of absolute dejection is heartbreaking. I just want to shake Crowley for being so ridiculous here. Just show your angel some love, you silly demon!

Also I think the disappointment is partly why Aziraphale tells such a silly lie about the journey being uneventful. Crowley has just smacked him in the face literally and figuratively. Literally with a bunch of plants and figuratively with the message, “I’m not really that bothered whether you’re here or not.” Unsurprisingly Aziraphale doesn’t feel like sharing anything with someone who has just done that.

Now let’s take a detour here and talk about the weird sound we hear as they go towards the car. That’s not a pure breaking glass sound as such (like you’d get from a smashed window), it’s the sound of the pub doing its recycling. It’s the noise you get when someone takes out the internal glass bottle bin and empties it into the outside glass recycling bin. It’s why Crowley doesn’t react and Aziraphale simply looks around and then turns back looking unconcerned. They’ll hear that noise all the time, it’s not the noise of something bad happening.

So why is that sound used here? I have no idea. Presumably it’s not just ambiance, although since it’s a noise that could serve that purpose it could very well be that it’s a red herring. It also happens at an odd moment. One thing breaking glass signals is the breaking of trust. Aziraphale has just told a lie, but by the time we hear the noise Crowley is several seconds into his description of ‘Jim’ singing and sleeping. It seems too far removed to be to do with Aziraphale’s lie specifically. So that leaves us with three possibilities – we should ignore the noise because it’s only ambiance, it’s to do with something other than lies, or Crowley is lying about what he and Jim have been up to. I have no idea why this last one might be or what might have happened. Anyone want to speculate? To be honest he doesn’t look or sound like he’s lying to me and Crowley actually lies very very rarely, especially not to Aziraphale (when he does it tends to be by omission rather than a direct lie) so I’m inclined to think the sound is supposed to clue us into something else. But what? And if so why not actual glass breaking, why the weird recycling sound?

Anyway back to Aziraphale and Crowley’s interaction. Crowley manages to piss Aziraphale off even more by being all lovey-dovey towards his car.  After checking out Crowley’s arse (!) as he bends over to put the plants in the car Aziraphale then seems to become anxious as they talk about whether he has anymore clues, even glancing over his shoulder nervously as he talks. Why? No idea. Maybe he just knows that he didn’t really find out all that much on his trip and is worried Crowley is expecting more of him?

What’s quite sweet is that he only completely regains his balance and perkiness after Crowley shuts the car door and Aziraphale is able to step up close to him again. There’s no real need for him to step forward, they’re already at conversation distance, but Aziraphale feels most comfortable when he’s right up in Crowley’s space. Also Crowley admits to his own failure and doesn’t seem inclined to say anything about Aziraphale’s lack of information, so that probably helps too. Symbollically speaking a barrier between them (the car door) has been removed.

Anyway the scene ends with them heading back to the bookshop and I really hope Aziraphale finally gets that hug he wants. I mean, I know he doesn’t, but I feel so bad for him in this scene and it would be nice for the poor lovestruck angel if he did.

[nocturnesmoon]

Writing this while laying in bed and trying to combat my period pains. The painkillers are in fact not working, so maybe fantasizing about these two will instead-

Simon "Ghost" Riley x John "Soap" Mactavish x Transmasc!Reader

I just feel like Simon and Johnny would be amazing at caring for you, doing your period. Maybe they wouldn't be the most knowledgeable at first, but they are quick intuitive learners, and seeing their darling in pain isn't something they can stand for.

If they happen to be home during your period, expect the utmost and best care of your life. Don't feel like eating anything? Don't worry, they've made something just in case you get hungry. Need to take a shower but don't got the energy, don't worry, I'm sure both of them would be happy to help you out.

There is not a single craving they will not help satiate. Chocolate? Johnny's got something to spare, chips? Already in the cabinet, gummies? One of them is going to the shop while the other one cuddles you. That one very hype specific food craving that's really an absolutely ridiculous request? What do you mean ridiculous love, they've got it right here.

I normally get really bad cramps, and the only type of painkiller I'm allowed to take, doesn't help whatsoever. And if that was the case, I just have to believe that, the boys would then do everything else in their power to make you comfortable. They've got the heating pad ready in the charger, a hot beverage on the bedside table. If the heating pad isn't enough, they'll help with pressure instead, by either laying on top of you or having you on top of them and pressing their rough hands on the spots where it hurts.

You're not left alone for a second, unless you specifically request the alone time. If one has to go somewhere, the other will stay with you until they get back. He would put on your favourite movie, while you lay in his arms and snack on whatever it was you're craving. Don't feel like watching something? That's okay, you could read a book together, play a game, or even just lay and talk.

If there are chores to be done, they'll get it done for you, unless you insist that you can manage. Even then, once they see you huff and puff in pain, they'll practically order you away from the task, taking over for you and finishing up.

They know you're perfectly capable of doing it yourself, even in pain, but they'd rather have you resting on the couch, as comfortable as you can get, while they take care of it for you. You already do so much for them when they're home from deployment, doing everything you can to make sure they're resting, and spending quality time with you. Let them return the favour once in a while, making sure you're well cared for.

They know that your period can be a source of dysphoria, when it turns extra bad. They won't stand for your own self-deprecating thoughts. They'll reassure you at all the right times, as if they can read your mind. Reminding you that, you are their beautiful boy, the only man they could've ever wished for, that no matter what your silly head makes you think, they've always seen you as exactly who you are. It doesn't matter what you think your physical appearance might say, to them, you'll always be their man.

Maybe I'm just delusional, but I just feel like they'd be amazing for you. No matter what you might need from them, they'll do their best to provide. They love you so dearly, if there is any slight thing they can do to alleviate your distress, it's already been done before you can even ask.

I think the fact that I'm laying here alone, and I don't have a Simon or Johnny to take care of me should be a crime.

Anyways that's all Moon out-

[yearningaces]

Nyx is a fun sized guy :3

How would he feel if another human was trying to court his s/o? Especially if compared to him, they are big, strong and would be ideal for providing?

AND VICE VERSA

What would happen if another rabbit person tried to yet his attention when he has his s/o??

I love this question cause I get to display Nyx like a peacock the way I haven't yet

The thing about Nyx, is that he's anxiety incarnated when it comes to anything NOT including himself.

When on the topic of himself however? He's so overly confident it's almost arrogance but the way he's confident isn't "you're dating the best partner because I'm me" it's more "of course we're together, the best of humans only deserves the best of inhumans." He'll lift you up in confidence while also praising himself. Package deal.

A big human coming to HIS human with intentions of courting or even flirting??? No. Not allowed. Absolutely not. Stop, turn around, do not pass go do not collect 200$.

To the point he almost seems like a different bun, but really he relies on throwing people off, he knows an actual fight gives him low odds against a human, he would fight another bun though. But mostly he aims to confuse and embarrass or make others nervous as opposed to going straight to an actual fight

More specifically

~

"What is this supposed to be?" Your little bunny boy questions in a surprisingly bold tone, stepping to your side with his eyes fixed on the guy that had asked about going out for drinks.

Nyx, even as small as he was, seemed larger somehow... Oh. He's standing as tall as his hind paws allow, ears perked up, head held high, shoulders back, chest out. What a confident little bun he seemed, and it was certainly enough to catch your fellow human off guard.

"Oh, sorry man, didn't see you there. I'm Jax, I'm a co-worker of-"

"-of my human. Yes I'm aware, we've talked about you over lunch before." Nyx waved Jax off with his hand, turning to look up at you instead. His tone shifting from hinted malice and morphing into the usual softer lovestruck tone. "Speaking of lunch, Honey- you said you wanted to try out that new Yakitori place, right? They have all sorts of cuts of meat and veggies for me too."

There's something about how Nyx is acting, as if Jax isn't even worth the effort of being polite with while simultaneously encouraging you to leave. You'll have to discuss exactly what's up later but don't want to purposely upset anyone, so you turn to Jax to at least say goodbye-

Until Jax steps forward with some gathered nerve that's far too easy for a big guy to have. "Actually, rabbit- I'm going to be taking my coworker here out for a drink."

Nyx doesn't hesitate and doesn't second guess his actions because he springs forward, landing with a quiet thud on the concrete directly in front of Jax, making the grown man stumble back slightly. "Excuse you? I think you actually tried telling this incredible person what to do. No, that's not how you should be speaking to the greatest human you'll ever meet."

To both your confusion and amusement, Jax is stumbling backwards from a bunny half his size just from Nyx's bolstering display, continuing his steps forward, forcing Jax backwards even further. "No, because they're my wonderful partner and I'm theirs. And we are going to have a lovely lunch at the new spot they've been talking about, and we'll maybe go shopping after, and then go home. Alone. Without your nonsensical attitude and demands that honestly don't hold any water."

Jax stumbles back further. Gripping over the curb behind him and landing on his ass with Nyx standing far too close to be a respectful distance, the white and brown fur hybrid glared down, leaning over slightly to make eye contact directly. His eyes hold a challenge to them. "Now where in those plans do you see yourself included? I certainly don't see such a ridiculous notion anywhere." His perked ears twitch back to you, remembering you're there as well, and his tone and demeanor draws back slightly.

When Jax is silent -most likely confused and embarrassed- Nyx turns to walk back to you. He turns with the familiar bright smile and spring in his step as he wanders towards you, raising his hands to take your arm and guide you away, a slight spring in his step. "Come on, honey! I think that's the best pre-meal entertainment we could possibly get."

What a bun, that Nyx.

~

Now, if another bun ever tried, he'd go all out- nvm on explaining you get a two for one scenario here we go!

~

It was certainly a strange situation.

You'd grown accustomed to the burrows being a place where you have to be overly cautious and watch your actions closely as most bunny Hybrid around here were so easily frightened.

But this one seemed... Not.

The dark brown fur ears and tail were fluffier than Nyx's, and she was a larger type of bunny... Were there different species of rabbit-hybrids? There were characteristics in Nyx's family that you didn't see for each bunny out and about... Regardless, the one in front of you had hopped over to the bench Nyx left you on while he darted off to find something he left in his families burrow. So you were alone... Trying not to be too loud or too quick in movements but also trying to get this bunny -Alira- to stop flirting so much.

She had hopped up onto the bench with you at this point, leaning over herself and placing her hands on the bench to prop herself up all while speaking. "Come on, a strong predator like yourself all alone out here? You can't convince me that you're here with some silly bun... I think you're here looking for somebunny to devour" her grin didn't diminish though, apparently she was writing her own narrative in her head despite your many denials.

"I don't know what to tell you, you don't have to believe me but I really just wanna be left alone until my partner comes back."

"Partner?" Her ears perk up as much as they can despite the natural droop to them. "Oh dear, what a flimsy relationship... Not even a mate yet?"

At that you're caught off guard, "A what?" At the feeling of her hand on your arm, you jolt back, almost ironically given your dispositions.

What you're not prepared for, is to have a very familiar white and brown fur bunny boy springing on you out of nowhere and depositing himself onto your lap. Nyx fills your vision, his eyes alert, his smile bright and his ears up. He looks like the epitomy of a parading peacock. "Honey!" His greeting seems overly sugary in tone, his hands pressing into your cheeks and pulling your face down to his for a kiss. One and another and another spanning from your lips to your nose, your cheeks, your forehead, your jaw- "I'm so sorry it took me so long, Grandma bun was just telling me how they wanted me to invite you to celebrate the harvest holidays with us, isn't that sweet?"

After a moment, it's clear he's intentionally ignoring your company but once he sees Alira's hand still on your arm he swats it away, raising your forearm and pressing a kiss where her hand was. "Oh, my poor honey. All of this unwanted attention from strangers that don't know their place must feel so uncomfortable. Why don't we go back to the burrow, hm? I can make us some sweet bread and spiced tea to relax with? And we can talk holiday plans whenever you'd like."

There's something familiar in how he's acting. How any time someone tries to take your attention he purposely acts as if they're not around, as if so unimportant they're not worth noticing...

With that, Nyx hops off the bench, guiding you along with a delighted expression and promises of sweets and soft blankets to cuddle under, promises he would absolutely deliver at that.

[anna-scribbles]

hey anna! the wait for kwami’s choice part 2 truly is abysmal and it’s so hard to navigate through the tag with all the leaks about, do you have any fic recs to tide us over until gloob puts us out of our misery?

not only do I have fic recs, I also have way too much to do rn and therefore will spend an inordinate amount of time crafting a detailed rec list for you 😘 (we can also just consider this my 2022 ao3 wrapped lol)

goes without saying perhaps, but ANYTHING by @peachcitt is gold and also uniquely devastating, some of my particular favorites being:

metamorphosis - 97k, enemies, sleepovers, you get it. i'm normal

those benevolent stars - 23k, ladrien thief/prince/soulmates au. what more do I even need to say

chat noir's white french man hit list for feminist purposes - 7k, hilarious and devastating, this fic is a child to me

double dare - 32k, ladrien, absolutely everything. cemented my friendship w/ peach bc I had to scream at her everyday abt it

I thought the plane was going down - 11k, attuned to my tastes specifically, adrinette having a History while on airplanes

@carpisuns also puts out banger after banger like it's her dayjob, specializing in understanding the ridiculous nature of the lovesquare to such a degree and also being the funniest person alive. some of my faves from her are:

tell me something I don't know - 120k, the marichat fic EVER, mar's dissertation on lovesquare and guess what she's right

pink - 14k wip, adrien loves marinette, SOFT

two idiots and a hamster (collab with @botherkupo) - 24k, adrinette roommates, makes me cry laugh

@picayunearts is a goddess on earth. she bends word and image flawlessly to her will. recently she has enraptured me with

final girl - 41k, marichat, au where marinette succeeds in giving up her miraculous to alya in origins. INCREDIBLE marinette character study

@rosekasa invented ladynoir and i'm not afraid to say it. check out everything on her ao3 but just note the following

when things were good - 15k wip, breakup fic/post hawkmoth takedown, has been ruining me in a SPECIAL way

new marinette 12k, post-guardianship memory loss marinette, a classic

like poles of a magnet - 12k, enemies au, hurts my feelings

ya'aburnee - 13k, ladynoir, HURTS ME VERY MUCH. I'VE NOT RECOVERED

@buggachat's fics always feel like i'm attending a course on adrien and marinette's true characterizations explained to me by someone with a PhD in lovesquare and I walk away enlightened. she has an incredible gift for storytelling and just Getting It. anyway read

maintaining a professional distance - 43k, ladynoir hotel room shenanigans, god-tier characterization

when you're near 10k, ladynoir dating but adrinette have never met, a classic

@sha-nwa should honestly quit her career and write lovesquare fanfiction for me full time. proof:

the way I loved you - 68k, marichat break up fic, will be cemented into my mind forever

photograph - 1k, sweet adrinette, abby loves making me cry

things WOULD be amiss if I did not mention @officialratprince (carolinaa on ao3) bc their fics derailed my homework schedule on several occasions last semester, though I'll be honest that their fics are not for the faint of heart or those who wish adrien agreste to have a good time. my faves are

I will take it / it can't go wrong series - 3 fics at 16k, 25k, and 39k, adrien's journey through experiencing child abuse and his friends being there for him, culminating in gabriel's court trial

home sick - 14k wip, adrien gets pneumonia and Everything Is Really Bad

other various fics I love for various reasons:

how hawkmoth got his groove back series by @agrestenoir - 2 fics at 3k and 1k, one of my favorite crack fics i read last year. had me crying laughing

1 step forward, 3 steps back by agnes writes - 10k, breaks my heart every time I read it. also makes me legitimately angry at adrien while still keeping him in character which is a feat in and of itself

the last day on earth by reiaji - 10k, chat blanc keeps happening as marinette gets older, I am incapable of not recommending this fic

okay now go forth and don't do your work<3

[piperholmes]

I wasn’t planning on writing anything about Chenford because I’m not trying to start an argument (not that I expected many will read this any way 🤣), but I have a lot of thoughts jumbled up. I think it would be helpful for me to just get them down, so I am better able to absorb what has been shared by others. I love a good discussion! Especially one centered around some form of literature.

(If you are reading this, then just let me preface with this is me really just free writing what’s going through my head. I definitely am not telling anyone else how to feel, react, or process this storyline—nor do I expect anyone to agree with my ramblings.)

For me, I think a major issue I have is with the breakup trope itself—particularly the “I’m not good enough for you, so I can’t be with you” trope. In my experience, this argument usually comes from the male character in a relationship. Romance novels are riddled with this set up; I’ve seen it in films and television plenty of times. It almost always comes from the guy. (And I acknowledge the majority of media I consume is M/F romance). The problem I have reconciling this concept is because it feels like this happens because the guy in the relationship feels comfortable and is willing to make the decision for both of them, and is often unwilling to listen to his partner’s thoughts or feelings. There is something inherently misogynistic in that, and it has never sat well with me.

I thought a lot about why Tim was upset about the 5 player trade, and while I don’t think the show did a particularly good job of explaining it, I think it boils down to the fact that Lucy made a decision about Tim’s life without talking to him about it. Even though it came from a sincere, caring place and had (for Tim at least) a positive outcome, it wasn’t right for her to make that decision on her own. If the argument is being made that Tim is walking away from their relationship because he feels (right or wrong) it’s best for Lucy, it just seems odd to me that Tim would choose to (essentially) do the same thing to Lucy after it was so upsetting to him.

Now, was Tim in a heightened emotional state? Absolutely. Does that impact a person’s reasoning? 100% But I think where this situation breaks with what has been established, is Tim’s choice to just walk away without discussion. Something that made me fall in love with Chenford in the first place was Tim’s willingness to listen to Lucy even when he was emotionally struggling. Outside Isabel’s apartment with the drugs, when she got on to him about being pissed over the report following the virus scare, his later acknowledgment over his behavior in the pilot with the Hispanic gentleman, and so on. To have Tim just walk away from her communicates one of two things: either he was willing to make the decision but wasn’t willing to deal with the consequences or he was so convinced he was right, he wasn’t interested in what Lucy would have to say. Neither are a particularly good look for Tim, and, again, why I just don’t really like this trope. (I would be saying the same thing about Lucy if she were the one doing this-in fact, I think she seriously mishandled her break up with Chris, but I definitely wasn’t emotionally invested in their relationship. So, sorry Chris; you don’t get a post 🤣).

Another aspect of the trope I find ridiculous is how it should essentially impact all relationships this character has; if Tim isn’t good enough to be with Lucy as a romantic partner then he should feel that way about being a friend to Lopez, a brother to Genny, an uncle to her kids, and so on. Otherwise, to isolate this feeling to specifically the romantic partner is just…weird? “I’m going to end our relationship because you deserve better, but just you. I’m going to keep all my other relationships.” Like, I don’t know, that just feels super icky. And, based on the preview for the next new episode, it definitely seems like Tim is going to spiral into pushing people away/isolating, but where is the line drawn? What if Tim had a kid? (And I know hypotheticals are probably not the best here, but I warned this would be meandering 🤪) Would he walk away from his own kid because he didn’t feel good enough? That definitely doesn’t make sense to me, but, again, it just highlights the pitfalls I run into with the trope itself and why I cringe when it is used. My view of Tim—and by extension Chenford—is now informed by what I see as the implications of the trope.

It’s incredibly off putting that now Tim and Lucy’s parents (oh, gosh, and I just realized, even Nolan) essentially fall into the same category. Do you think Lucy’s parents were so dismissive of her wants and hurtful because they hated her or didn’t love her? I am 100% sure it’s because they thought they were loving her. It doesn’t make it right or healthy, but I’m sure they thought they were doing what was best for Lucy. And John made the decision to end their relationship to “protect” Lucy, and I remember thinking the same thing about him that I think about Tim now. I really thought Tim was different and understood what Lucy had been through in her life, and, ultimately at this point, makes me question how I feel about Chenford overall.

I also want to say that I don’t begrudge Tim acknowledging something in him that wants to change and be better (openly encourage such self reflection and growth in fact). I’m also (pretty) sure this will ultimately lead back to then getting back together, and maybe even Tim being a better partner. I’m simply saying that using this particular trope in order to facilitate that doesn’t vibe with what I believe the show has established about Chenford, and it would have been very interesting (and, for me, preferable) to see how they could have told that story avoiding this cliche. That’s all.

Ok, if anybody made it this far, thanks for sticking with it. I’m always open and interested in differing perspectives and interpretations, and nothing I’ve said is my set-in-stone opinion, just my current opinion 😜.

[physalian]

Physalian's Top 10 Narrative Pet Peeves

*For now*

In one way or another, these all boil down to “Author took a shortcut and I absolutely noticed”. In other words, most of these stem from Manufactured Sincerity.

All of these come with the caveat of *except when done well*. I’m ordering these from “I’m annoyed but I’ll get over it” to “Nope, DNF”. 

10. Sad times = Alcohol

Everyone drinks when they’re depressed apparently. Only women or fat men are allowed to eat away their sorrows with ice cream and guilty pleasures. No one’s allowed to go on a self-pity shopping spree. No one just goes to bed.

They drink. Or they go shoot something. Or punch a wall. It’s usually out of a flask or a crystal decanter. It’s usually whisky (specifically bourbon) or scotch, or something out of a brown paper bag.

Maybe this is my own bias as someone who does not drink, but writers, please come up with more diverse ways to show your character is mourning someone or something, beyond immediately heading straight for the alcohol. Not everyone likes liquor, not everyone owns a decanter set and crystal glasses.

Let them eat or shop or sleep or get high, or watch their favorite show or a really sad movie or listen to emotional music. Let them cry if they’re bad boys. Don’t make them punch walls.

9. Down time = Sexy Times

This applies of course only to narratives with implicit or explicit sex scenes and what I mean by down time is those situations where characters are either on the run or have some crucial deadline to meet, some race to win, what have you, and the second they get some time to breathe and have a heart to heart, they both let their guard down and ignore impending doom and sleep together.

If you’re in the real world and you are that stressed for any of the reasons above, you’re going to be constantly looking over your shoulder, worrying about what you’re going to do next, wondering if you should even stop to rest, not be dead on your feet but have enough energy to bang.

Obviously if it’s played for humor, that’s different, but in dramas, or especially in environments not suited for intimacy (looking at you fantasy and sci-fi) it just feels ridiculous and particularly gratuitous. Non-aces please tell me if this is a legit thing you would do, I sincerely want to know.

It also tends to happen with near strangers who’ve only known each other for several days, possibly weeks with little buildup, and they also tend to be at each other’s throats bickering incessantly. Save the sex for after you’ve won and can really dedicate all your attention to enjoying it.

8. Pointless Filler Pit Stops

Or ones that last way too long for no reason. I love filler, but only *productive* filler. It doesn’t have to service the plot, but it does have to develop at least one character, a relationship, the lore, somebody’s backstory, or be really funny and/or interesting to sit through.

Usually, it feels like it’s there to pad the run time or slow the pacing, but rarely does anything for the overall story. A fair bit of season one of ATLA is filler pit stops, but even when they go to all these random places for one-off adventures, the story is still showing us the world they live in, making it a teachable moment, introducing important characters, foreshadowing, or is just mighty entertaining to watch.

ATLA has only one pointless filler pit stop: the infamous Great Divide. It doesn’t positively develop any of the main trio, we never see these side characters again, Aang’s story is a complete lie so it doesn’t develop the lore or the world, and, most importantly, it’s just frustrating to watch. Your first job as a writer is to entertain, and this episode is annoying.

7. Fridged Character Motivation

I don’t mind the “fridged lady love” inherently. It’s a quick and dirty way to give your brooding hero backstory and everyone is familiar with it. I’m annoyed at how it’s the only nuance these characters tend to get, like this man’s dead wife/girlfriend/dog is his sole motivation for everything he does in life and all his goals.

I like broody badasses. I don’t like one-note broody badasses. His character existed before he met his dead love interest. Who was he back then? Does he have any friends who hate the man he’s become? Old mentors who’ve lost their faith in him?

This man’s arc is usually not even therapy-via-violence to get over his dead wife, it’s just a ham-fisted excuse to make him mean and short-tempered. Who is he, unrelated to this fridged character?

6. Dumbass Villains

The villain has captured the hero and friends and plans some dastardly torture to break their will. The villain has all their tools prepared and monologues about how easy it’s going to be, and the hero usually says something along the lines of “you can’t break me” or “I can take it,” whatever. And after several pages or minutes of screen time, the hero’s right, and then the villain breaks out plan B: The hero’s love interest, or their parents, who have just been waiting in the wings.

Why is this almost never plan A? The hero can always handle the pain, and always breaks down the second it’s someone else’s health on the line. Why doesn’t the villain, who’s always pissed at the lack of results, start with the proper motivation?

It’s either this or they wait until the perfect dramatic timing to reveal some skill or weapon or ultimatum after precious time has been lost, deadlines have been missed, and money has been burnt. Or they’re in the boss battle and they wait until the hero thinks they’ve won to pull out their secret weapon.

Unless you can give your villain a valid reason to not start with all the tools they have at their disposal, it might as well be a reverse deus ex machina. Even if it’s something as simple as Plan B hasn’t arrived on scene yet.

5. Everybody Has a Somebody

A topic I plan to expand on so I’ll keep it short here. Basically, the story wraps up and every eligible single character has a love interest they’re in varying stages of romance with. No one is spared, or they’re already dead. It’s a race to the finish line to give these characters significant others because that’s just what you do, it’s what audiences expect, there must be a romantic subplot.

Particularly annoyed when it’s an ensemble cast and the entire hero team only has relationships with other members of the hero team and no one outside this unit of 6-10 characters (*cough* Percy Jackson *cough*). No one is allowed to be single, or happy that they’re single. Everybody has somebody, no matter how well developed or plausible this relationship is.

4. Half-Baked Twist Villains

No one likes these characters and I’m not saying anything new here, and yet it still keeps happening. This one comes from just recently rewatching the abysmal Cars 2 (which is older, I know) and just trying to untangle this plot. This plot, that Pixar rinsed and repeated in Incredibles 2, and really thought no one would notice. This plot, where the villain creates a problem that doesn’t exist to make their own agenda look better, whether that’s malignant superheroes or green fuel.

Both try. Neither pretend the story is absent of a villain, unlike, say, Frozen. Both movies have a villain, they just have a hidden identity. The reveal just never hits as hard as the writers expect it to because, once again, they didn’t actually do the work to write a competent villain, they just slapped a “villain” sticker on their foreheads and called it a day. Why? Who cares.

3. Consequenceless Revivals

I love revivals, I love bringing characters back from the dead, love watching it, love writing it, love the drama.

Don’t love it when they’re suddenly back with no explanation or price to be paid. A character death should be a major event, and if you kill a character just to make your audience sad, then bring them back with zero effort, death begins to lose meaning in your world. CW shows are particularly terrible at this, specifically the TVD universe and Supernatural.

In the earlier seasons, when Sam or Dean died and came back, they still experienced character growth by dying and the experiences in hell, the PTSD inflicted, the new emotional battle scars. Even when Dean died a thousand times in the “Mystery Spot” episode, the point wasn’t “ha ha funny Dean dies again,” it was exercising Sam’s crippling codependency on his brother, as Gabriel says. There are consequences, either for the character’s psyche, or a cost for bringing them back to life.

2. Wimping Out on Promised Death

This decision makes me want to throw the book at the wall, or pause the movie and walk away. It’s the penultimate battle, the prophecy is upon us, a character or one of two characters must die to save the day, it cannot be impeded, avoided, or circumvented. We’ve known this is coming since the story began and are prepared for the tears and bloodshed.

Then the magical miracle springs out of nowhere and everyone gets to live. Kill them. Please. Even if it’s my favorite character, I’d rather cry over their death than be disappointed by plot convenience. If this is the tragic, fulfilling end to their arc, then that’s how I want it to end. Rarely do these characters get revived in a satisfying loophole everyone should have seen coming. I just feel manipulated.

1.  Forced Miscommunication

*Picture me walking a stadium hawking Pointless Drama like cotton candy and cans of beer* Cheap Drama! Anybody want some Cheap Drama? Cheap Drama!

In the real world, people make misassumptions all the time and many of us are conflict-averse. We avoid talking about our problems to those who’ve wronged us like we’re polarized magnets. Forced miscommunication doesn’t care about anxiety, which would be fascinating to explore as explicitly anxious characters suffering legit mental issues is under-utilized. No, these instances just have characters eavesdropping or snooping and, out of character, make all these outlandish assumptions, refuse to listen to explanations, and start a fight that lasts juuuuust long enough until it’s magically resolved without consequence.

It doesn’t do anything for the story. It exists independently of these characters’ relationship and has zero impact once it’s resolved. I am 100% down for a single miscommunication causing an emotional outburst so extreme that it has the offended party seriously considering the strengths of their relationship, but it never happens that way.

—

TL;DR: The existence of a trope does not do the job of writing a compelling story for you. If you can look at any one scene in your book and not explain why it matters, what impact it has on the plot, story, or characters, delete it or rewrite it so it does. Even if it only exists to be funny, there should still be something gained from the experience.

[anopenbookunderlockandkey]

The 118 Sauce Chat

Eddie: I definitely make spaghetti sauce extremely wrong but I’m not going to stop

Chim: please elaborate on the wrong way to make spaghetti sauce; it sounds highly entertaining?

Eddie: 1 chop onion and put in a pot

Eddie: Add 1 or 2 cans of diced tomatoes. Whatever makes the ratio of onion look right.

Eddie: Add a ridiculous amount of frozen peas. Peas should make up a notable portion of this sauce.

Eddie: Add frozen corn also if you wanna be real fancy. If I have bacon I’ll ad that too. But I very rarely have bacon.

Eddie: Cook on HIGH

Eddie: While sauce is cooking, grab the nearest bottle of mixed spices that isn't obviously for desserts. Add some. How much? I dunno, enough that you feel like you've added seasoning so it's technically cooking. (For me this is most often a mix called Moroccan, but it could be anything. Buck reorganised my kitchen recently so tonight it was something called Pizza Topping.)

Eddie: If you happen to have green herbs lying around, add those too. Whatever you have on hand that's green

Eddie: Let the sauce boil on HIGH until all the water is gone. Stir occasionally so the saucepan will be easier to clean later. Serve on cooked spaghetti noodles with no cheese

Eddie: Today I added a new step called "while the sauce is cooking, duck out for 15 seconds to text the group chat about spaghetti sauce, then get distracted and forget you are cooking." This adds a novel Extremely Burnt edge to the flavour profile.

Chim: I am not Italian, or of Italian descent by *any* stretch of the imagination.

I am also not one of those "cooking purists", who believes that everything must be done in a specific/ traditional way (unless you are making a cooking video with the title "how to make x" in which case if you don't specify mid video that your way is not traditional god help you).

I am a firm believer in "If it tastes good, then it is correct for you".

Chim: Except in this case

Bobby: This hurts every cooking bone in my body. The latent ancestors in my soul. The judgmental elf in my brain just bit a cyanide capsule

Hen: Why? The spices.

Using a different spice mix every time, based on what is ready at hand just ... hurts

Eddie: *sends SPICE IS SPICE meme*

Ravi: absolutely deranged, Eddie. Food crimes.

Bobby: Hey Eddie, looks like you forgot to mention the part where you obviously sweated the onions, because nobody would make spaghetti sauce that had straight up raw onions boiled in tomato juices.

Bobby: RIGHT????

Bobby: Please Eddie

Eddie: I don’t know what sweating the onions means

Hen: It means. It means you cook em a little in a pan with a bit of oil first

Eddie: A pan? How many dishes do you want me to have to wash here?

Hen: I mean you can also do it in the same pot you're making the spaghetti sauce in! The important thing is the onions get a little cooked before the wet stuff goes in, so they're not so wet and limp and boiled....

Eddie: Honestly this depends entirely on whether I remember to chop an onion first or I find the can opener for the tomatoes first. The ingredients go in in whatever order they go in.

Ravi: Eddie, who hurt you???

Eddie: A pack of wild chefs herded my mother off a cliff

Chim: Theres probably a hit out on you for this

Eddie: What kind of stupid idiot would waste money assassinating someone who's so clearly going to accidentally poison themself for free at some point

Bobby: hi Eddie, big fan of your firefighting, this is the sauce equivalent of the running up a metal ladder in a lightning storm to try to pull up a 6’0” tall man instead of lowering him to the ground

-Athena

Eddie: Athena, that is the meanest review my cooking has ever received

Chim: congratulations you found the worst way to do it! this feels like a spaghetti recipe made by AI before it got really sophisticated

-Maddie

Eddie: this group chat’s hate mail game is insane

Ravi: at this point please just eat every ingredient raw… please

Eddie: Do I look like Tony Abbott to you

Buck: As a former Committer of Food Crimes, I have decided to make this sauce this weekend after I have a chance to go to the store. I will report back.

Eddie: Excellent, I look forward to vindication.

Hen: No one's going to vindicate your boiled onion in cinnamonny tomato juice on noodles, Eddie

Eddie: Not cinnamon. Cinnamon is a dessert spice. You use the nearest non-dessert spice.

Ravi: cinnamon is absolutely not a dessert spice

Eddie: Yes it is! It's for muffins and pancakes and fruit pies!

Chim: Cinnamon powder is absolutely a dessert “spice” and Eddie if your cooking is this bad I can’t imagine your baked abominations

Eddie: I put lemon juice in everything I bake that isn't bread

Written for the only two gremlins (endearment) who find this as entertaining as I do @professionalprocrastinator22 and @gravelyhalversobbing

Inspired by:

[tremendouskoalachild]

Transcript (from about 0:27 on) under the cut

I've had a lot of Star Wars fans, and gamers in general, ask some pretty great questions about Bode and his motivations and why he does some of the things he does. So I figured I'd just share a little bit of some of the behind the scenes work that I do for a character like Bode. And let me say right off the bat: I'm a huge Star Wars fan but I don't pretend to be, like, a Star Wars academic – so if you want to come at me with how my headcanon is factually inaccurate, you're welcome to do so, it's not going to bother me, but that's not why I do it. I create these backstories because it gives me an emotional hook, so that Bode's emotional journey is honest, for me.

And I should also say, anything I say now isn't on any of the writers or anyone else on the Survivor team, this is all just my broken dumb brain. So, let's talk today about Ghost Star.

So, the song Ghost Star was introduced by one of the writers, Danny – mad genius Danny – pretty late in the sequence of things, and then brought to beautiful life by Tajinae, who plays Kata and is ridiculously talented. I'm very jealous. So, Danny had asked me in a session, would you feel comfortable singing a song as Bode? I don't sing, which may have become quite apparent if you play the game, but any chance for me to show and share more of who Bode is, stuff that you don't get to see in all the missions, I'm grateful for. So I was like, hell yeah. And I got this song titled Ghost Star, so the first thing I did was look up "ghost star", specifically looking for anything revolving around astronomy.

I don't know if this was Danny's thought from the get-go, I have never talked to him about it, but in my research I found that there is a theory being postulated that when you're looking up at the night sky and you see the sky just covered in stars, that there's actually a lot of astral bodies you're not seeing. Among them being ghost stars, which are stars with dark matter cores. Dark matter has gravity but never undergoes nuclear fission the way a normal star does, and therefore emits no light. So there are stars out there with tremendous gravity that are essentially invisible to the naked eye.

And I thought that was really beautiful and poetic, in a way, and then I started thinking about Bode and a question that arises a lot, which is: why does Bode not get found out by Cal, or Cere, or Cordova, these incredibly powerful Jedi?

That's a really good question, and it made me wonder if perhaps there is a rare contingent of individuals who have the ability to tap into the Force but don't emit a Force resonance like most people do – which is how a Jedi is able to tell that someone else is able to manipulate the Force. I mean, Emperor Palpatine is a perfect example of an incredibly powerful Force user who is literally standing right in front of Master Yoda and all the Masters on the Jedi Council, and they never know. So, maybe this is a rare trait that they share.

And that got me thinking, that would probably be something that you'd pick up on very early at the Jedi Academy as a youngling. And one of the things that Bode shares with Cal is that before Order 66 he worked in intelligence.

It would be a very powerful asset to be able to take an operative and insert them into situations where they can watch over Force users without that target knowing that he can manipulate the Force. Where would that be useful? Intelligence gathering, obviously, but also the Jedi equivalent of internal affairs. Jedi are incredibly powerful. And power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. And if anyone's seen The Clone Wars, you know that there are very powerful “Jedi” that are not good. Pong Krell being a great example. I want to punch him, repeatedly.

So perhaps operatives like Bode were sent to gather intel and make sure that the Jedi out there were doing what they're supposed to be doing. One example. And, perhaps, his operative name was Ghost Star.

Order 66 happens, all hell breaks loose, everything that Bode has known burns to ash. He's on the run and somewhere on his journey he meets a wonderful woman named Tayala.

When you have to run and hide and constantly change locations for fear of being found, that's not something you can do with a significant other and not let them know what you're doing and why. So I'm sure Bode shares his past with Tayala. And then a while later, Kata is born.

Anytime Bode gets an inkling that Imperial intelligence has been sniffing around, or forbid an inquisitor makes their presence known anywhere nearby, I think Bode leaves his family behind, travels to distant parts of the Galaxy and very subtly makes himself known, so that he attracts the attention of intelligence or the inquisitors and draws that focus away from his family.

And Kata's so young and doesn't understand why her father has to leave for weeks or months at a time, and so Tayala sings her a lullaby called Ghost Star, which brings Kata comfort while she waits for her father to come home. And it's also for Tayala, perhaps a silent prayer that her husband comes back safely.

And they survive like this, constantly moving, constantly on the run. And then one day Bode is out with Kata. They're coming home and as they're getting closer to the house, he hears Tayala singing Ghost Star, which is a song she never sings if he's home. And he knows that something's gone terribly, terribly wrong.

And he flees with Kata, and the inquisitor that was waiting for him at home in their anger strikes down Tayala, knowing that, somehow, she gave them away.

So, a lot of things happen. Bode makes some very difficult, very terrible choices in the pursuit of keeping Kata safe, and now sings Ghost Star as a way to make sure that Kata's memories of her mother stay as fresh as they can; and just because it brings him comfort, but it also is a poignant reminder of a terrible, terrible day and the fact that he left his wife behind and that his wife paid the price for Bode being who he is.

And I think in his time as a dog for the Empire Bode has done some terrible, terrible things. I think he's often sent to hunt down Jedi that are that are in hiding, especially if it seems like they're trying to rally up resistance, because he can come in and his target will never see him coming. I think he's an assassin, and I think every time he does it a little piece of Bode chips off.

And I think Bode hates himself for it, and I think a lot of times, especially if it's a mission where he's gotten to know his target to any degree, that makes it that much harder to do what he knows he has to do. And in those moments he uses Ghost Star as his anchor. He sings it to himself when he's alone, as a way to remind himself of why he's doing the terrible things he's doing, that there is a greater purpose, which is making sure that his daughter stays safe and that Tayala’s sacrifice is never in vain.

And then he meets Cal, and I think finds the brother he never had. And in the crew of the Mantis the family he's lost, a family that would allow Kata to live a normal life. And he really struggles with what to do, and tries desperately to make it work. And when it becomes clear that Cal is going to share the information on Tanalorr and turn it into essentially an access point, Bode is devastated, because the Empire has already found Cal, Cal just doesn't know it yet. And if they found him now they'll definitely find them again, if this turns into essentially a way station. And Bode makes an impossible choice.

And he tries to use Ghost Star the way it's always worked in the past, to kind of remind him of what's important, and I think it fails him, and I think it breaks him.

[notquitequelled]

nothing's wrong-- i'm just a STEM student...

[i rarely see stem rep-- so here’s PART TWO! (find part one here) the extended edition of ‘stoners in stem’ highlighting the parts of this life that i find myself loving ;p

Thinking of doing sectionals (Physics, Environmental Studies, Mechanics, Entomology, etc.), so if there are any suggestions you'd like to highlight, plz tag or comment !!]

TAG YOURSELF !! I LOVE SEEING WHAT YALL GET UP TO !!

slightly concerned glances being shared between even the worst of acquaintances when your mentor drops some crazy lore surrounding how they entered their field(s)

good god. the apple-cider vinegar and dish soap gnat traps. honey alternatives decidedly never cross anyone's mind (nor the threshold of the lab for that matter)

walking the fine line between the Ridiculous and the Logical during data analysis like the two aren't twin kings of ruin

noncommital shrugs when asked anything about your preferred diet or eating habits

writing exclusively with pen, or exclusively with pencil. feeling borderline disgusted having to use the other when you forget your own

'Why do you care?' 'Why don't you??'

Every documentary you watch absolutely changing your life and challenging your worldview

Either hanging onto your textbooks like a lifeline or forgetting about them as they gather dust under your bed. maybe you never bought them at all-- pirated PDFs littering your desktop

anything in jars being considered decor (snakes, regurgitated bones, praying mantis egg cases)

seeing the slant of fences, trees, and lamp posts-- thinking of all the wind and weather that's passed along the same path you have

TREEHUGGER !!! HA HA

the clean quiet that hangs over the linoleum early in the morning; the warmth is not so subtle now that you've rolled up your sleeves.

teaching everyone around you how to bypass PAY FOR ARTICLES because knowledge should always be F[ree]INED [inspect, gear, disable java]

having to just sit by n watch while someone pointedly ignores your input, and a totally avoidable incident (that could have totally been avoided) is not, in fact, avoided

dealing with the consequences of that incident for the rest of the experiment/project

blank stare, lips in a placatingly firm line as you nod along with the stern talking-to you're being given. their words going in one ear and out the other because you're already thinking through another way under admin's nose

whaaaaat ? how'd those locally indigenous species just pop up everywhere overnight, ha ha ? wow nature is crazyyy

digging through public records for one reason, only to uncover an entirely different can of worms about the institution you frequent

digging in the literal dirt and uncovering literal worms lol amirite guys

'Please remember that this is just a prototype and that i'm it's in a very fragile state right now.'

going crazy trying to figure out what a specific testing company uses in their chemical compounds, because good fucking god how are you supposed to cite the evidence if you can't even label what it is?

a disastrous experiment being abandoned like Chernobyl once determined beyond salvation-- everyone curious to see how it'll develop and fester when left on its own

'life imitates art,' you think, as you finally recognize one of your unnecessarily complicated formulas being represented in your daily life

often being so bad at the thing you love that you can't do anything about it but laugh

staring for so long at something during a lecture that white begins to leech into your vision. you should probably blink a few times so people don't begin to suspect you're a reptile (even more than they already do)

'Don't.. don't look at me like that...' [speaking to a(n) (INSERT NAME OF LITTLE CRITTER HERE) you had to gently move onto a little scale to collect data]

honing in on where your talents in your field lie; the disappointment in finding your limits that turns to indifference when you remember you're still phenomenal at a million other things you enjoy

'i want to study you like a bug.'

thinly concealed irritation masked by a patient smile and a small 'mhm' when someone tries to explain your life's purpose TO you (ten dollars says they're wrong about it, too)

'and you want me to run this... on a full moon?' 'don't start with that shit again.'

yer disgust is lookin' a lot like morbid curiosity these days...

a lot of your scientific conclusions being discerned by common sense ('Please just use your cognitive functions, you guys...')

a clean earth sciences lab floor.. my white whale...

the small (increasingly large) pile of recyclable material that's waiting to be torn apart or filled with soil and plants; it topples over when people walk past, but no one can bring themselves to throw any away

'all this only cost me like... $270. which is crazy given that these're the real fuckin' deal with solid steel reinforcements.' 'man...this shit is so gonna blow down.'

leaning into the obscure, instead of away from it out of habit; seeing its effect in your daily life and work

all the plastic utensils in the dining area being stolen for diagrams, leaving behind only the reusable metalware. this is unexpectedly admirable of the engineers, if only to those who care about the inadvertent environmentalism

taking things apart to see how they work-- having very little planned on how to put it back together

'I don't know what you want me to do about that, you created it.' 'Not on purpose!'

downloading photomath during testing season. your doubt being palpable over your (in)ability to solve simple equations

carrying hand lotion everywhere you go because of how often your work has you washing your hands; colleagues and peers holding their hands out like beggars in a Mel Brooks film ('lotion... dollop of lotion for the poor D:')

borrowing chemical-grade goggles from the lab before going out to protest; supervisors giving you dubious thumbs ups while they 'accidentally' leave the key to the goggle sanitation station right by the cabinet..

'Now that you've poured your blood, sweat, tears, and other secretions into this project-- decide if you want to take it home to maintain, or have it eradicated.'

utilizing the public library, but having to double-check the internet before citing anything from the books you pour over because your city is more concerned with the way the building looks than the content it supplies

'The Martian,' both the book and the movie ... Mark Watney you will always be famous,,

'Why are you taking so many difficult classes at once?' 'My entire degree is difficult classes.'

carrying a small journal everywhere in an attempt to organize your thoughts, tasks, and reminders (you've never looked back on a single you've written, but you like to think it at least helps in the moment)

being torn between the scientific evidence that supports getting eight hours of sleep and your own hubris. you can stay up it's fine. it'll be fine.

you're not fine but at least the lab counters feel so nice against the side of your face

WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN A KILOGRAM 🦅🦅🦅‼??!!!!!

having no idea where your degree will take you, giving everyone who asks a different vague answer

hands being littered with cuts and burns; not being able to stop yourself from touching even at the worst of times

geeking out over carbon sensors and ammonia regulators your supervisor managed to convince the department to splurge on (nothing provided by them will enter your lab for another three semesters)

being one of the most prepared people ever when it comes to disaster prep; this includes zombies

'this was not.. our intended result... someone get the shovel.'

pettiness infiltrating your daily life in the form of utilizing your talents; coding programs and drawing up diagrams and running tests just to prove someone wrong (or just to fuck with them)

studying with your liberal arts friends; both of you staring at your respective incomprehensible lines of symbols and words that neither of you have the brainpower to comprehend. most of the lights are off and the library closes in ten minutes, but you know the night staff and they've learned to keep their distance until absolutely necessary.

[weaselbeaselpants]

cw: gross shipping weirdo nonsense.

VivziePop stans trying to say Chaifootsteps is a literal irl zoophile for writing an AUToothlessxHiccup fic where Toothless could talk is ridiculous...and that's coming from someone where ToothlessxHiccup is one of my personal absolute NOTPs. Sorry Chai.

tbf I think people are fair to find talking-ToothlessxHiccup stuff creepy in the same way they do HorsexRider from Centaurworld icky- not because there's any irl connotations with animals but because in canon that's just a very nonsexual relationship because it's a pet and it's owner. It crosses that same barrier as incestshipping for me even w all parties are adult and consenting- my aroace spectrum legit can't get over how this particular thing designed to be unsexy by the writers is made by someone watching it to be sexy in different contexts; but, I'll manage. ((also yes I'm implying that if a feral characterxhuman bodied character's canon relationship is portrayed smexual I don't care. mf this has been in fairytales since the dawn of time. Hardmode monsterfucking when the feral can talk and percieve =/= zoophilia, and especially not irl zoophilia. Me and everyone else just prefers anthro for the same reason we wish Lore Olympus Persephone wasn't portrayed so tiny- it just reminds us way too much of the people we've seen with...specific 'interests'))

I hate ToothlessxHiccup and Elsanna but I'm sorry I'll take a person who knows they're being a weirdo and can dial it back once in awhile for the sake of others vs Lily Orchard saying that Elsa and Anna isn't just implied because she legit wanted their relationship* for her and her sister; or the zoos I've met who legit want Ash and Pikachu to bang because "that's the purest expression of love between animal and trainer". If Chai was using anything along the lines of those responses, it'd be different.

And, of course, I can't not point out that the whole reason anyone's going after Chai at all is because he's a critical-person meanwhile prominent Helluvaverse stans have proudly made incest and rape art unapologetically with 0 self awareness. They're doing this as a smear campaign and yes they're also being massively transphobic and abusing an sa survivor while they do it.

my biggest thing with proshippers will always be: 1, do you have boundaries and know how to dial the disturbing shit you've thought up back for the sake of people who can't handle it? and 2, do you know the fictional scenarios are really not okay in real life circumstances, especially when it's sexual shit? Chai respects both of these things. Lay off him. Poppy from ZenaandPoppy has 0 boundaries and calls people who don't like her exposing incest survivors to incest porn "puritans". That's disgusting. That's evil. That's the kind of person that makes sane people throw fits because you should w you hear that.

[shesmore-shoebill]

im not properly following sword af bc i never finished the first season, but i DID go and listen to the bit where angela (as bug) presumably tries to go for a kiss with amanda (as delores) and. MAN. Amanda's reaction to it....... the "whoa whoa whoa" and amanda's voice getting that kind of breathless quality that it sometimes gets when shes really amused or shes laughing really hard or overwhelmed in videos.......... mannnnn. sets off my rpf brain So Bad. Not implying anything about the actual interaction as much as. Thinking about the delicious potential in the fake rpf universe..... I'm so goddamn weak for the concept of RPF Amanda who flirts incessantly and is so confident in it and loves, loves flirting with Angela specifically- in part because she never expects anything to come of it, (for better or for worse) and Angela's flustered reactions or tendency to not play into the bit make it safe in a backwards way. Amanda flirts, Angela rolls her eyes/commits a bit but always bails out safely, etc. (Amanda keeps flirting, maybe harder, maybe it gets more and more ridiculous and over the top, and maybe she should- stop. But. She can't.)

And then Angela flirts back unexpectedly or spontaneously, and its like. Implosion. Function shutdown. The absolute charismatic force of nature that is Amanda brought to a halt, because hey wait NO, that's not supposed to happen. Its such a delicious concept. rpf brain go brrrrr.

There's the angst side if it, if you want- Amanda silently convinced it wont happen or somewhat in denial about her own feelings, or doing some kind of mental gymnastics where the flirting is as close as she'll get. (Angela convinced it's not real and having mixed feelings about it as a result.)

And then they're doing something and for one reason or another Angela initiates and Amanda's brain goes WHOA WHOA WHOA- and Amanda's charisma and composure go sideways even though for anyone else she could play it off so easily. there's so much comedic potential. delicious potential. etc. 👌