#absolutely nobody takes 'forgetting' as a justifiable answer

[vermin-fangs]

Having memory problems is fun, because every time you forget something and cause a minor inconvenience, everyone in the room wants to literally shoot you point blank. It is like an instant aggro that makes everybody hate you and want you dead, and consider your entire existence worthless. I once had my mom try to kick me out of the house and make me homeless because I forgot to check if the sugar canister needed to be refilled.

[morurui]

CHAOS THEORY SPOILER REVIEW

Cause I just finished it and I have thoughts!

Sooooo I honestly have mixed feelings about Chaos Theory if I’m going to be honest I feel like there are some things that worked in my opinion and some things that didn’t really work for me so I’ll be separating this review into three parts: Things I liked, Things I wasn’t a fan of, and General thoughts.

Things I liked:

-The animation was absolutely gorgeous, it was such a step up from Camp Cretaceous that it’s weird to think that they’re apart of the same series. The team behind it did an absolutely amazing job!

-The last two episodes. Oh my god were those last two episodes so good, they had me at the edge of my seat as well as episode 10 finally giving us interactions between the entirety of the nublar 5

-YASAMMY. I think yasammy was done so well this season. Their fight was so real, nobody was totally in the wrong, but they both weren’t communicating their feelings to each other well and they resolved it in the end. It was just perfect

-Yasmina Fadoula. She was written so well I loved how they didn’t just completely forget she has PTSD and anxiety and included that in her character arc for this season. I also loved how they used her to address how bad it is to infantilize those with mental disorders. (Yaz and I are anxiety twins 🧘‍♀️)

-Mateo. The GOAT. I am the number one Mateo fan, dont ever forget it. I love that man and I will stand by him, I was stressing for his life during episode 10.

-Microbang villain girl was such a menacing villain at the end and I honestly love her. It’s clear that while she is using the atrociraptors for evil deeds she does clearly care for them. I desperately need to know more about her…

-Kenji and Brooklynn’s new voice actors do such a good job with the characters and while I’ll miss Jenna and Ryan, their new voices were casted very well!

Things I wasn’t a big fan of:

-Now to address the elephant in the room…Darius being in love with Brooklynn. (I’m going to try to look at this through an objective pov, but since I don’t ship dinostar obviously there’ll be a slight bias)(nothing wrong if you do ship Dinostar I’m happy for you, but these are just my feelings) Im not a big fan of this. To me I’ve never really read Darius and Brooklynn as being romantic together and their friendship is something I truly cherished about JWCC. I do see why they probably decided to make the decision to have Darius be in love with Brooklynn, but to me it’s kind of upsetting in a way to have Darius’s extreme grief response not be just because they were best friends. It feels like the writers were saying “Well, he’s not experiencing this grief so hard because she was his best friend, but it’s actually because he loves her!”. We’ve seen loss be something Darius takes extremely hard (His dad’s death and Ben’s death) and so I don’t really see why they made it so he was in love with her to justify his response when it’s in character without it. Idk man…

-Brooklynn being alive….HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT. THIS IS NOT BECAUSE I HATE BROOKLYNN SHES ACTUALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS. But idk these fake out deaths are starting getting to wear me down. Even Bumpy had a fake out death 😭. I get why they kept her alive being as she is a beloved character, but I just think it would’ve been better for her to be a character that somewhat haunts the narrative. It adds more onto the mystery, not only that but it allows the nublar five to explore “Hey our friend was hiding things from us and we’ll never truly get answers, but we’re going to find out what lead to her death and put a stop to it”. Which was what the nublar five are on a path to, until Brooklynn inevitably shows back up and explains everything. Also why did they give her the 2017 Katy Perry haircut…

-Kenji and Darius’s dynamic. I loved how they used their dynamic at the beginning of the show with Kenji blaming Darius for Brooklynn’s death, but beyond that moment their dynamic felt off to me. It was not helped by the whole Darius being in love with Brooklynn thing, but it just felt like they toned down their brotherly bond in this show (ironic since this is the first time we see them call themselves brothers)

General thoughts

-Jesus Christ was Kenji this shows punching bag 😭. He literally does not get a break, it just keeps on coming, breaking up with his girlfriend because she’s not invested in their relationship anymore, living in a trailer with a failing rock climbing business, his girlfriend kept secrets from him all while working with his estranged dad behind his back, his dad trying to use him again and then dying saving him, AND his brother was in love with his ex girlfriend. All in the span of ten episodes. If I was him I would have a mental breakdown every single day.

-Do yall think Ben actually has a girlfriend? I’m like at a 70/40 split, because he only talks about her two times and the first time he brings her up she totally sounds fake. “She’s from…Europe” Why did you have to think so much Benjamin? Also he fully just said she’s from the continent of Europe rather than a specific country in Europe. Also also it’s implied he hasn’t had a phone on him for a while so how does a long distance relationship work if he doesn’t have any means to contact her??? And he doesn’t even have a picture of her in his van. That man is hiding something I need to know…

-Ben and Darius had like 30-40 minutes of screen time shared between them, which is weird because like most of the show was marketed with them being the main protags and they barely interact beyond episode 4. (Their dynamic was too strong for people to handle “do you talk to your mother with that mouth” broke the world)

-Bumpy having a baby is something I predicted and I’m happy I was right!

Anyway that’s really it, sorry this was pretty long and excuse any typos or grammatical errors, but these were just some of my thoughts!

[shy-urban-hobbit]

Hi! If I can ask for another I would love to get 29. pet names from the Soft™ fic prompt meme with Lambert/Aiden, thank you <3 I love your writing 💕

Aaaaw!! Thank you so much!!! And thank you for the prompt!

29 - Pet names. Lambert's pretty sure coming up with a pet name for your ex best friend/ current boyfriend shouldn't be this difficult.

Nobody told Lambert thinking up a suitable pet name was this God's damned difficult. Granted, he wasn’t sure that Aiden was into that sappy shit but Lambert had never had a romantic partner before and he wanted to have at least something to fall back on so he wouldn’t panic and call Aiden something either inappropriate or insulting (looking back, the slap that whore had dealt him that time had been completely justified). He wasn’t overthinking this, he was just trying to be prepared. Shut up.

His family were easy. Either call them what they were, or something that pissed them off. Geralt was “Pretty Boy’ when Lambert wanted to annoy him, same as he was “Lambchop” when Geralt or Eskel wanted to get a rise out of him. Ciri was “Girl” or “Kid”, sometimes “Brat” (affectionate) depending on what mischief she decided to pull that day.

Aiden had been easy too, when they were still just friends and the same rules applied or they'd just call each other increasingly random shit just to see who could make the other laugh first. Now, Lambert wanted something different. Something special just between the two of them – that’s what couples did, right?

He couldn’t exactly just call Aiden “Cat” as that’s what everyone on The Path and everyone else in the Keep used for him (and most of the time that had been intended as an insult until the other Wolves actually got to know him). He’d contemplated just sticking to the classics, but Jaskier had low-key ruined that for him by casually calling everyone some variation of “Love” or “Darling” or “Sweetheart” (or some sickening combination of all three if he was drunk and your name was Geralt), Aiden included.  He sighed as he looked over the sheet of paper in front of him absolutely covered with rejected possibilities (which he must remember to burn later). Alright, so maybe he was overthinking this.

Lambert didn’t bother trying to hide his grin as he continued cleaning the blade of his sword with a soft rag, half of his attention on Aiden. The Cat’s mending lay abandoned as he perched on the edge of his chair, eagerly following the small blob of light reflecting off the blade and onto the wall, his fingers and legs twitching as if he were resisting the urge to pounce, Lambert was pretty sure his pupils were also dilated. He couldn’t resist.

He sniggered to himself as he purposefully jiggled the blade, making the light bounce around erratically.

“Kitten.” Lambert huffed to himself affectionately as he watched Aiden’s whole body weave from side to side trying to track it.

“Hmm? Yeah, Puppy?”

Shit. Of course Lambert would forget now that he wasn’t the only one in the room with enhanced hearing. But then his brain caught up to Aiden’s reply.

“Puppy?”

“Well, it’s only fair if you’re calling me Kitten.” Aiden said with a fond smile. He vacated his own seat and took Lambert’s sword, resting it against the wall before plopping down into the others lap and purring when the Wolf wrapped an arm around his waist, “I won’t if it bothers you though.”

Lambert mulled it over. Everything was screaming at him that he should find it patronising. He just knew that if any of his brothers tried it, they’d be finding themselves nursing at least one bruise. when Aiden said it though...

He shrugged, “I don’t hate it.”

 Aiden’s smile turned slightly predatory, “Want to see how long it takes me to make you whimper like one?”

Lambert didn’t get a chance to answer before Aiden’s mouth was on his, the Cats purrs increasing in volume as Lambert kissed back with a groan.

His Kitten was going to kill him, but what a way to go.

[currentlyfckingurmom]

Her Song part 31

The sun rises above the New York skyline, peering through the fog of an early morning and shining into the apartment we call home. I remain in my chair facing the front door, eyes heavy with exhaustion and stomach churning with anxiety. There's been nothing all night. Nothing since the texts. No new messages, nobody in the hall, nothing.

I stand from the chair and return it to its spot. I don't know how I would explain myself if one of them woke up and saw me sitting there. My eyes flit over the sleeping forms on the couch. I pause as I look at Florence. Syd is still curled into her side with Flo's arm wrapped protectively around her. Her mouth falls open in light snores and her short hair is messy, sticking up in a million directions.

This should be a perfect morning. But everything is fucked up. And I don't know how to fix it.

I head to the bathroom and turn on the shower. I strip off my clothes and step under the scalding water, letting the heat burn my skin as steam rises through the bathroom. The bathroom door opens and quiet footsteps cross the tile floor.

"Are you okay, darling? You're up awfully early."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just woke up and couldn't fall back asleep." The lie burns more than the water.

Flo hesitates, probably questioning if she should believe me. "Okay. I'll cook up some breakfast, yeah?"

She begins to walk away, but I call out, "Hey, Flo?"

"Hm?" she hums.

"There's plenty of room in this shower for two, you know."

She says nothing, and I bite my lip as I wait for her to respond. I hear the telltale sound of clothes falling to the floor before the foggy glass door opens and arms wrap around me from behind. I sigh with content and lean my head back against her shoulder.

"Are you sure you're okay, love?" she mumbles against the side of my head.

"Everything's fine, Flo, 'kay?" I spin in her arms and look between her eyes, smiling softly. I lean in and press a kiss to her lips, tangling my hand in her hair. It quickly heats up as steam collects in the shower. I leave a trail of kisses down her chest and stomach as I drop to my knees in front of her body. I look up into her dilated eyes as I give her all of me. I relish in the way she leans against the shower wall for support, panting heavily. I love the way she breathes my name. I absolutely fucking love her, with every part of me.

~

"Maybe you should stay at your place for a few days," I suggest later that day as we stand in the kitchen.

"What? Why? I mean- uh, if that's what you want...of course I'll head back to my place," Florence stutters uncomfortably. Hurt cracks through her tone, and the sound makes me want to throw up.

"It's just, uh, I don't want Syd to think that you, um-"

"No, I get it, Y/N. It's Syd. You don't have to justify how you raise your child." I smile and nod, swallowing back the bitter taste of the lie. "I have a meeting with my manager at one, anyway. I'll just head home after."

"Okay." There's a pause in the conversation. It's tense, uncomfortable. I hate it. I hate this. "You know I want you around, right? I can't put it into words but, Florence, I..."

"I know, my love. I get it." She looks into my eyes with such conviction that I almost forget why I'm asking her to leave. She grabs my hand, and for a brief moment, everything feels like it just might be okay.

~

"Do you think you could maybe watch Syd for a few days? At your place?" I ask Ash. Florence left two hours ago, and Ash and I are sipping beers in the kitchen.

"Yeah, of course. Everything okay?" she asks with furrowed eyebrows. Of course I've needed Ash to babysit before, but I've never outright asked her to take Syd for a few days.

"Yeah, everything's fine. There's just some stuff I need to take care of," I answer vaguely.

"Ah, and this wouldn't have anything to do with a certain Brit, would it?" she asks cheekily.

"Shut up."

She laughs and nudges my side. "Don't worry, Y/N. I've got her. You have your fun."

"Thank you, Ash."

~

With everyone out of the apartment except me, the eeriness creeps in the corners, every shadow threatening to jump out and drag me into its depths. I have to focus on each of my breaths to keep them from running ragged.

What if he's watching?

Does he know about Florence and I?

What's his endgame?

I throw back a shot of vodka to stop the spiraling thoughts. I just need a plan. I need him gone. Once and for all, no matter the consequences.

So my plan? Fuck it. That bastard can try his damnedest, but I'm pissed, I'm scared, and I have a lot to protect. He might win, he might kill me, but there's no way in hell I'm going down without a fight. Either he dies, or I do. And I don't plan on leaving my kid alone anytime soon.

I pull out my phone to text the one person who knows how dangerous Ben is. I never told her everything, but she knows enough. She's the one person from my hometown who didn't shun me after I got pregnant. But even still, people drift apart.

Me: He's back. JJ: Ben? Me: Yeah. I got some texts from him. Pictures of my apartment. I sent Syd to stay somewhere else for now. JJ: I'll get on the next flight. Stay inside and keep the doors locked.

I sigh and run my hands through my hair. I could wait in front of the door with a baseball bat just in case, but what's the point? This is a game to him, and he's just getting started. He's not bold enough to break in yet.

So I do as JJ says and double check to make sure everything's locked and the curtains are closed. Then I settle on the couch and watch Netflix, eventually drifting into a restless sleep.

Found you.

[green-like-pine-trees]

Oscar or Ozpin Report

I have collected the data! This is where I expose everything related to the Oscar or Ozpin quiz, so if you haven’t done it yet, go take it! ^_^

Absolutely no one got between 0-19%! Yay! The message you would’ve gotten was: "That's uh... Volume 6: Dead End Jaune level scores right there. Thanks for completing the quiz!”

Let’s break it down! The harder questions (9, 11, 15, 17) have their own section, which is why I skip some questions.

Q. 1: Ozpin in his desk at beacon. Nobody has gotten this question wrong! Amazing! I was originally going to end the quiz with this photo again, but with a photoshopped mustache. 

Q. 2: Oscar. This is from his talk with Ironwood where it’s like “no more secrets, okay? Idk if I could handle it”, which is why the photo is so cropped. Having Ironwood in frame would’ve immediately given it away. 

Q. 3: Ozpin. This is just after the train crashes in Volume 6. 

Q. 4: Ozpin. On the train before he reveals that the relic attracts the grimm. 

Q. 5: Oscar. The Enemy of Trust, every single time he goes down the elevator, it’s absolutely ICONIC. Originally, the answer was “we don’t know who it really was” (I sure as heck am not 100% sure) but the first few test takers weren’t picking that answer, so it was quickly changed before many people saw it. 

Q. 6: Ozpin. Lighting the Candle. You can kinda see his hands crossed behind his back, which is something only Ozpin does in this scene. 

Q. 7: Oscar. Volume 5 Finale Fight just before Ozpin takes control. 

Q. 8: Ozpin. This is from the first time we see Ozpin take control of Oscar. 

Q. 10: Oscar. Lost, right before Jaune physically confronts Oscar. If you’re paying attention, after you answer, it says: “Are you sure about that?” ;)

Q. 12: Oscar. Right before they switch while in Atlas. 

Q. 13: Ozpin. Right before they switch while Hazel is torturing him and Oscar asks for Ozpin’s trust. 

Q. 14: Oscar. Falling through Atlas. 

Q. 16: Ozpin. Same scene as #12

Q. 18: Oscar, impersonating Ozpin in front of Salem. I really like the options where it’s someone pretending to be someone else. 

Q. 19: Ozpin during V5 training.

Questions 9, 11, 15, and 17 were the hardest for most people, these being the Neo, Hazel, and double image questions. 

Q. 9: Neo’s is a little harder admittedly, because the frame is zoomed in. However, I justified to myself that the background or expression would clue people into it (I felt if I included the whole frame it would’ve been too easy, and it’s not the only question that’s not a full frame). I also had shown a picture of Oscar’s model from that scene beforehand in the elevator, all bruised up. 

Q. 11: Ozpin top, and Oscar second. I forget the episodes, but I definitely remember that Oscar’s is from when he first arrives on Monstra after being held in the Hound. Probably used the same animation for both. 

Q. 15: This is a little tricky, so I made a gif pinpointing where the two images are from. Oscar’s picture is taken from the frame right after they switch. 

Q. 17: Hazel. In the question, Hazel is with Emerald before the lamp, standing on her left. He’s putting his arm out to guard her, because he’s always kind of looked out for her. In the scene with Emerald and Hazel!Oscar, Oscar is standing on Emerald’s right. Here’s a pic of Emerald and Oscar, Emerald being the one in control and guiding him. 

Anyways!! Over 200 people have taken my quiz, which is incredible! Thank you guys so much! Here are a few of my fave responses: 

We need more oscar/oz smiling :(  (JC, 73%)

I thought I was an Oscar fan but you've proved me wrong. how dare you ?

We've been tricked, we've been backstabbed and we've been quite possibly... bamboozled

hhhhhhhhh my boys deserve better

Nope

Man this was hard

AAAAAAAAA IM A FAKE FAN IM A FAKE FAN . OSCAR MY SON I HAVE BETRAYED YOU. i am impressed by the ones i was able to get correct tho. oh god i love these two too much also thanks for this quiz very cool 11/10

Damn I'm terrible at this EBSKSVKDJD

This is why I need the vocal cues I stghuh

Aaaah

[bored-storyteller]

Thank you dear Anon for your request! Also because, I had already started writing a possible sequel on my own, your request arrives perfectly!

Note: I imagined these events after the one-shot you find here. In any case there are only subtle references.

35- Tokyo Ghoul- Uta x human!Reader (pt. 2)

"Beyond the Mask"

Uta sees you there, curled up in the chair in front of the table like a wet little bird, despite the fact that you are now wearing his warm clothes, which fall softly on your frightened figure. He doesn't mind lending it to you, on the contrary, he tried to find something that wasn't too extravagant, coming out with a heavy black sweatshirt and wide gray pants. He thought that this clothing could help you put yourself at ease, but he also understands that being wrapped in his clothes for you doesn't have to be so reassuring. You probably accepted this only to avoid being immersed in the nauseating humidity of the body fluids that stick to your skin.

He can't tell if your following him was a sign of courage or fear. You didn't say anything, and the few words you whispered were kind; you also thanked him. It almost seems like you are straining to try to be calm, but it's the small, meaningless gestures that betray you. Earlier you insisted that he be the first to shower and change, although it would have been more logical for you to go first; yet perhaps for you that was a way to get the killer monster out of sight, or at least partially forget it.

Uta is unable to understand you right now, nor does he really pretend to, he is already grateful enough that you are intelligent enough to understand that it would be almost suicidal to return to your home in the condition you were in, especially after what it happened.

No, he doesn't pretend to understand you, but to understand himself a little more, yes. Uta is a labyrinth, with a thousand streets inside, which intersect and cancel each other out. A thousand paradoxical streets where after a turning point you can find someone completely different than the person you met. Yet all those roads are authentic and sincere, in their sweetness or in their violence.

He is aware of this, it is clear to him, but as the owner of his soul he should know how to pull the strings, understand what is happening inside. Yet he doesn't know now, or he can't really explain it.

He feels sadness, a deep sadness to see you so small and afraid. He would like to hope your snuggling up to him in that alley was dictated by mutual trust and not despair, but he doesn't even know if you're aware of that. He doesn't really want you to be scared of him, but at the same time he sees no way to stop it.

He also feels angry with you. Because deep down he knows that you are unconsciously judging him. The same fear you evidently feel makes him angry. He didn't eat you, right? So why do you have to be so scared in front of him? It was you who ran into his arms, wasn't it?

Yet he still can't tell you that, because you are doing absolutely nothing threatening towards him. You simply indulge him timidly, tremblingly accepting his care that will never be able to reassure you.

Maybe you've never really felt as confident in him as Uta hoped. Being in his house, first naked in his bathroom and now in his clothes maybe it wouldn't have been pleasant for you even if he had been human, let alone now with all the terror you've accumulated… after what you saw.

Uta is the author and accomplice of things that you would consider horrible, it is his nature, he is not able to change, he needs that to feel alive.

But you also make him feel alive. He likes that cordial, playful confidence that you take with him, the one that remains within limits, but which somehow transmitted the affection of a kind heart; like that time, when you playfully smeared his nose with red paint with the brush you were using. You apologized right away, but you laughed happily and enjoyed watching him, and Uta liked it, so much that he returned the favor with some yellow color.

You are spontaneous, and he likes it, even if now this spontaneity of yours is pulling you away from him, even though you try to pretend it isn't.

In the end, he really wants to take care of you. But how can he do it? He can't even really offer you anything other than a cup of bitter coffee.

He looks for a moment at his own reflection in the dark drink, so indistinct and blurry, before placing the cup on the shelf in front of you slowly.

You look at him suddenly, as if you have just woken up. Uta smiles kindly at you: he has always been kind to you. You smile at him too, but he could swear that you only do it to please him, for fear of a negative reaction from him.

He would really like to sit in front of you, so he can talk as you do every time you meet in the coffee shop, but he instead leans against the wall with his back, a wall quite far from your warmth and your presence. He too has a hot cup in his tattooed hands, but he doesn't really want coffee; maybe he just hoped that if he drank something familiar to you - something that didn't speak your language before he was devoured - you would trust again.

You take a sip, probably more out of politeness than out of desire, and your expression turns into a small involuntary pout as you perceive the bitterness of the coffee on your tongue.

Uta would find it funny if it weren't for the whole situation.

"I'm sorry…" his quiet voice of him draws your attention to himself. He doesn't really know what he's apologizing for. "I have no ... sugar ..."

The relaxed musicality of his voice is slightly cracked by uncertainty.

He has no sugar to console you, no regular sugar at least. It's already strange that he got the coffee. He never really welcomes real guests, only customers, now that he thinks about it; there are rare times when he really has to welcome someone outside of his "business", generally speaking.

You do not answer immediately, your gaze cannot help wandering over his figure, his body, his chest and his abdomen.

He smooths his baggy black sweater, as if to make you realize he's noticing your eyes, and then take a sip from his cup.

"Don't worry, it's okay ..." you assure "in the end ... I like to try new things ..."

Are you talking about sugar?

Your voice is a twitter that leaves him with vague hope. Are you trying to tell him something?

He's not really afraid of you going around talking, you told him you wouldn't and he knows you won't. You are not that different from Renji in this.

You turn the cup over in your fingers, looking at that dark liquid, and then turn to him again.

"Don't ... want to sit down?"

You ask him shyly, as if you feared rejection, but you asked him anyway.

You amaze him, of course. That is a little melancholy surprise, your calling him close, your giving him a little illusion of closeness.

But do you really want him there?

With a nod he slowly approaches, as if he is approaching a wounded animal - or prey - and he slowly sits in front of you.

The cups of coffee that nobody wants look at each other, placed in front, close together, like when you happen to meet at the end of the day in the cafe. It was a good time for Uta, he enjoyed pretending that there were no Ghouls and Humans, silenced his hunger so attracted to you and focused on the pleasure of your presence as if you were no different.

But now the charade is over, you two are not alike, and for some reason it hurts him.

Your gaze rests docile on his face, and he smiles lightly.

He is beautiful, you really think so. In a way, those red and black eyes are the only ones that fit him. Uta is not of an objective beauty, he must like him, and you really like him.

"You know..." your murmur puts him on alert "I ... I hear the news but ... it's hard to think that it could happen to you, when you hear about ghouls ..."

"It didn't happen to you."

His calm voice stops you immediately, and despite his flat tone makes you feel accused. He didn't hurt you, you can't say he's your turn. If anything, he is the turn of your tormentor.

"I ... no ... I meant that I had never thought of meeting one ..."

You justify shy, and he realizes he scared you. You're probably thinking that the first misstep you take will automatically become his next meal.

His lips press in a thin line, while he looks at you calmly.

"We are not that rare, you know ..."

He informs you, understanding that you would never speak if he remained silent.

There were ghouls even more integrated into human society than he. You were kind of his exception to him, his regular break from his violent life, even though he still had other human connections.

"Do you want to eat me?"

The question comes out suddenly, interrupting any flow of thought. It is less insecure than you thought, but deep down you both know that that's the core of it all.

He looks you straight in the eye, without giving in to the gaze and somehow gluing your pupils into his.

He could tell you that if he had wanted he would have done it already, he could say many things, yet he doesn't want to lie, he owes you and you owe it to him.

"It would be nice."

His voice is kind of calming despite the harshness of those words. As scary as they are, you don't react, and let him talk again.

"But it would also be extremely sad for me."

His tattooed fingers twirl around the slowly cooling cup, and you wonder if his heart has started beating a little faster, like yours, despite his mute expression.

"As tempting as eating you may be ... it would be very sad not to see you again."

A spark suddenly lights up in your eyes, it's so beautiful and bright that Uta opens his lips slightly in amazement, seeing that little light in you, so unexpectedly. He can't say if it is the hope of being able to live still that ignited it or that unspoken admission of affection, but that's okay with him.

"Would you be sad, Uta?"

You ask with a voice covered with expectations. He does not know how it happened, but it seems that your focus has shifted to something else, so suddenly.

Your cheeks just blush, and you smile as you look down at your hands. That smile isn't for him, it's for you. Uta wasn't hoping to see you smile again, yet there you were, wrapped in his baggy clothes smiling genuinely, as if you had suddenly forgotten the fear.

Your fingers intertwine in front of the cup, and your face doesn't dare lift up on him, but this time it's not fear that stops you.

“A Ghoul… sure, I had to know. In fact, in the end I knew it. Being a human would have been too trivial for you. "

Take another sip of coffee, and this time you commit yourself to putting up with the bitterness, even if you don't quite succeed.

Uta allows himself a slight amused smile.

"Oh yes?"

His is a rhetorical question that you just nod.

He drinks too, plunging both of you into a less heavy silence, but which still lingers in Uta's mind doubts that he would like to silence.

"Now where will you go?"

He is used to those he cares about disappearing far away. It wouldn't be new to see you walk away from him, he's not really hoping to be able to hold you back, despite what you said. Life simply changes people, and with them the world, he is aware of it, as he is aware of the fact that after this night the world between you two has changed, and as always you will be the one to change with it, while he will remain there, immobile.

"Do you want ... I have to go home?"

You ask confused, glancing towards the door. Night out scares you, you prefer the wolf's lair more than the dark and unpredictable shadows of the dark hours.

You didn't understand what he meant, how could you? Yet somehow Uta expected you to do it, he expected you to tell him this was goodbye. Yeah, is this goodbye?

"No, you don't have to go home if you don't want to ..."

It's hard to ask you to stay, to really stay. It is difficult to ask you to stay with him, because if you refused it would be a defeat, if you felt forced you would no longer be you.

“So you can't eat the food? Normal food I say ... so the idea of inviting you to lunch is out of the question. "

Your words break the melancholy in his mind again. He looks at you, his head slightly bent towards his right shoulder:

"Did you want to invite me to lunch?"

You wonder if it's really that surprising that you had such an idea. Should you be ashamed of it? Maybe this is inappropriate for him?

"I wanted. I mean, I've thought about it. It seemed nice to me. "

It seemed nice to you. You were cute, Uta often thought that. Here it is again, your gentle affection; it would have been a problem to refuse you if you really asked him to share lunch. He had never gotten used to pretending to eat human food, even though he tolerated smells quite well by now.

“Anyway, that's a kind thought of you. Thank you."

Without the glasses, his expression is even more gentle. It seems paradoxical, compared to the figure of him, but still, Uta is so unique.

"Not very kind if it kills you."

You mutter to yourself, looking away in embarrassment. In fact, now that you really know he's a ghoul a lot of your talk may no longer make sense.

"No ..." you hear him chuckle slightly, lightly and yet amused "we don't die so easily unfortunately for you ... I'd end up feeling extremely bad."

Suddenly the argument between you lightens up without either of you really noticing. He feels it, almost palpable, the boulder in his chest becoming light at the sound of curiosity that colors your voice as you confirm that you understand: it is the same curiosity as when you ask him questions about his masks, the colors he uses or his tattoos, he clearly recognizes it, which has now almost become part of both of you.

"I have so much to ask you, Uta" you admit, smiling at him fondly "but for now, thank you for everything you've done."

His nonexistent brows go up, looking at you as if he's asking if you were serious. But you did, sure, he knew.

"Thanks to you for bringing me dinner downstairs."

Uta doesn't mince words, he never did, and it was something you loved. He was always contemptuous and edgy in his calm and delicacy of him, it was a humor all of him, no one could ever look like Uta.

He makes you laugh, despite the macabre implied, and he's happy. He feels lighter, freer, and this seems to apply to you too.

One of his laboriously painted hands moves towards your face. He doesn't even notice, it's a gesture dictated by instinct, from his heart. Only when he's about to touch your cheek does he freeze, dumbfounded as to what to do, wondering in his head what the hell he was doing, why he did it.

He fears to see you retract at his touch, fears to see you hide and still does not understand why he fears so much the rejection of a human, a human who should be food and who instead twists his stomach with just a look.

He tries to retreat first, before it's late, but your hands stop him.

His fingers are now squeezed between yours, tenderly, as you tenderly bring them to your face. The hand that presses on his back is warmer than his skin, but the one that squeezes his palm has frozen fingertips, he feels them pinch against his skin. In yet another gesture of care for you, his fingers close on yours, to warm them.

And while you hold him he holds you, you hold both of you, and he knows you don't know him, that you haven't seen the dark side of him yet nor does he know if he will ever have the courage to show it to you, but for now that's okay .

Now he's no longer alone in his charade with you. You are no longer his audience, you are the actor who responds to his sentences in front of that cruel world. But luckily now, behind the scenes, his mask is no longer needed.

"I promise I'll take you for a better coffee tomorrow."

"I accept with great pleasure."

[tin-can-iron-man]

Ooh, what if a news reporter is talking about “the dictator Doctor Doom” and accidentally days “the Dictir Doon” due to a teleprompter problem and then absent-mindedly real-time literally reading anything written there, and then a men forming and the reporter being very nervous when Doom requests to see him…

This is the MAIN REASON he just watches other countries local news channels doesn't he. Yeah yeah it's good to see what the news says about him whatever but it's just to be chaotic when they mess up something simple. He's pulling fucking pranks on poor local news stations...

It's ok because Victor canonically has a very dry sense of humor (and is a fan of deadpan). He probably fucking spread the meme himself (secretly). He requests to be interviewed on the news station and it is the most awkward thing in the world...ESPECIALLY when he asks for his name to be prominent under him in the captions whenever he speaks. Well, ok, that's not the problem the problem is he's looking them dead in the eyes and saying "I want Victor Von Voom: Dictir Doom"

They're all terrified, because isn't Dr. Doom a huge egoist? Why would he intentionally make fun of his own name? Why would he intentionally make it worse? Why are they all not dead and/or fired yet? (And, well, the answer to this is that he WOULD be more offended if A. He didn't think it was funny also B. He thinks the attention he's getting from it is great because everyone knows it's wrong in the first place and C. Valeria (Richards) thought it was very funny and he wants to please his goddaughter who he knows is either watching or recording this)

(Victor is also recording this and will be watching the rerun at 11 at home in Latveria tonight)

Victor terrorizers this entire news staff (metaphorically) by scaring them half to death with long pauses and narrowed eyes after certain questions and somehow managing to sprinkle in certain words or phrases Valeria his precious goddaughter has texted as requests. (Including "yeet" "poor little meow meow" and "dilf") SOMEHOW HE DOES ALL OF THEM without breaking his normal speech patterns or anything and nobody really notices or if they do they are FAR too scared to ask.

Anyway after the interview is done he tours the building a bit while multitasking by figuring out how much these people must be paid and if it IS an acceptable rate/salary he chokeholds the CEO until they double it just for fun and if it's NOT an acceptable paycheck he just offers everyone to move to Latveria because there's not many news stations there (yet...) and he would happily pay triple + paid time off & also you get great benefits (because living in Latveria in general is actually not that bad of a deal (I know there are comics out there that say otherwise and I claim it is propaganda against the poor little country & also either old or bad writing)). More people take that offer than you'd think. (Also once they become full citizens he apologizes for riffing on them and sends them nice local flowers)

Is there really enough going on in Latveria to justify like 22 news stations? Absolutely not Latveria is a fairly small country with not a lot going on but Victor enjoys seeing them figure out what to broadcast. (Most news in Latveria is fairly boring because while you might THINK superheroes invading the country all the time would be exciting everyone's kinda tired after the 432nd time and it's not really news worthy except for news about construction so people can figure out new commutes to their jobs and such. Other than that it has a very small farming town & small news vibe to almost all of their stories are about like "don't forget it is almost harvesting time for xyz plant" and "Miss Irma's fence was decimated due to recent events—*pause to roll eyes about superheroes not caring about their homes and stuff*—and is offering tea and cookies to anyone willing to come by and fix it. Plus a cash bonus if you can locate her missing sheep who have escaped at this time named Isabelle, Jessabelle and—*looks down at little handwritten card on the table*—Belle.")

Victor is so proud of all of them <3

[time-to-write-and-suffer]

Hi Eff idk if you remember me, but I'm the one that did the artbreeder for some of your oc's. I absolutely adore your oc's so when I saw the opportunity to ask questions about your wip I jumped on the train as soon as possible. 👀👀🚉

What would you say is your oc's greatest fears are? Also I saw the kestrel art and I was blown away at how talented you are at drawing. Your art style is really beautiful and keeps getting better and better. Like iev scrolled through your art blog and your illustrations are just breathtaking like wow. If I wasn't a broke ass bitch I would definitely purchase some commissions for my ocs.💖

Staying on the topic of your wip what was your inspiration for you dragon wip and what would you say is the overarchimg message you hope to achieve with the book? Also will it be a standalone or a series?

Also I'm really curious about your vampire if. How is the process of writing an If going and I was wondering if you could give us a little sneak peak or tell us a bit more about the ROs and other characters because I'm dying to know more. 👀👀

OK last question I promise what's your process of writing such unique and multilayered oc's. Like your oc's just have this really unique aspect to them that makes them really likeable. All your oc's seem to have really cool personalities so I was wondering what your process behind creating them are. Do you discovery write them and shape them as you go throughout the story or do you outline them before starting?

Hope you have a good Christmas and that you and your family stay safe. 💕

How could I ever forget you, ArtBreeder anon, my beloved?

I was only recently thinking about you tbh! Wondering how you were doing, since I saw you deactivated your blog. Hope you're well!

Thank you for the sweet compliments about my art, I've been feeling pretty crap about it lately and it's nice to hear that it's not as bad as I fear it is. I'm hoping to have a period where I just practice my anatomy and color theory and all that jazz. Because my eye has evolved but my skills haven't.

I think Kestrel's greatest fear is being abandoned? But it's not like she'd break down if she was, she'd probably just finally start her descent into villainy. Like, "if nobody likes me or wants to be around me, then I'll retroactively justify their feelings by making their life a nightmare," ya know? It doesn't go that far and the story isn't rly about her corruption arc (she actually improves, a little bit), but that's basically it. As for Falk, I think he's afraid of failure. Hence why he doesn't try anything, he doesn't believe himself to be capable of success but he also doesn't want to disappoint anyone so he just kinda exists. It's a little sad tbh. I love creating pathetic men.

As for inspirations ... Hmm. I think I answered a similar question before? Yup, found it! On the topic of messages, I don't really write with messages or themes in mind? Those tend to come up naturally as I write and rewrite, but I always try to just tell a fun, engaging story, and people can take away from that what they will. Sorry if this is a disappointing answer, but I have never been someone who writes to say something. I like to entertain with my stories. If I've done that, then I've succeeded, in my book, even if it's not the deepest or most cerebral story in the world. This WIP in particular is just me having fun and hopefully the reader will have a good time, too!

Also, the dragon WIP will be a trilogy I think? It could possibly also be a duology. I don't want it to be too long and am trying to keep it on the shorter side, so even if it turns out to be a trilogy I don't expect any of the books to be chonkers.

About my IF ideas: I've currently put both on hold, mainly because I have so many writing projects already and creating an IF is a lot more difficult in terms of storytelling, coding, and audience expectations. That last one is probably the scariest part to me tbh, as an anxious people pleaser. Sorry if that's a disappointing answer :/ I can write up a separate post about my ideas for the vampire IF though, if you're interested! I do like the OCs I've came up with for it.

And on the topic of OCs: I tend to keep things pretty organic and fluid as I write. The way I build OCs is that I have a plot hook in mind, figure out what roles need to be filled, and then I throw some half-baked people at the roles and see how they interact. Most of my character creation happens in my mind, where I come up with scenarios in my head and see how the characters react. Then I figure out why they react that way, how someone else might react to that reaction, etc etc. I do prefer to have a relatively clear picture of the character in mind before I start writing, but it's only after a few rewrites that the character becomes their own. I think they have to interact with the world and the plot and surprise you a little bit as you write, that way you get a clearer picture of who they are. So it's a mix of both outlining and discovery!

Hope that answered your questions, and thank you for sending this ask! It's always great to hear from you! <3

[mst3kproject]

Hot Car Girl

This film should not be confused with Hot Rod Girl, which I already reviewed (and which was also bad), Hot Car Girl boasts not only a desperately uninspired title, but June Kenney from Earth vs the Spider, Bruno VeSoto from Daddy-O, and Tyler McVey from Night of the Blood Beast.  It was produced by the Corman brothers and directed by Bernard L. Kowalski, who brought us both Blood Beast and Attack of the Giant Leeches.  If you decide to search for the movie online, be sure you’ve got all your anti-porn filters on.

After a night with her boyfriend gets a little too romantic, Peggy Dale suffers some serious misgivings about her reputation and her future… but little does she know she has bigger problems coming.  As a friend reveals to her, Peg’s boyfriend Duke and his pal Freddy make their living as car thieves.  Peggy tries to talk Duke into going straight for her sake, but he will have none of it, not even when his life of crime culminates in a murder!  Feeling that no other man will want her now that she’s no longer a virgin, Peggy is forced to flee with him as the police close in.

Duke and Freddy’s fence appears to be the same junkyard owner from The Choppers, and sure enough, when I looked it up… they’re both Bruno VeSoto.  God damn it, the movies are all coming together again.

I’m gonna have a hard time coming up with anything to say about Hot Car Girl that I haven’t said about another movie before.  It’s a pretty nondescript Young Folks In Trouble film that stands out from the pack only by being unusually upfront about Duke and Peggy’s premarital sex. Like so many other such movies it’s dull and talky and mostly avoids any of the excitement or drama we might hope for from a film about cars and crime.  Shots are either over- or under-lit, the actors look ten years older than the characters they’re playing, and the film can’t decide who its main character is.

The title Hot Car Girl suggests that the movie will be mostly about Peggy.  So, for that matter, do the opening credits, which are semi-animated in the style of Night of the Blood Beast and depict exciting things like car races and women screaming, which don’t happen nearly often enough in the actual movie.  Peggy’s terrified face features prominently here, but... by now, of course, you guys have guessed what I’m going to say next: in spite of this introduction, Peggy doesn’t do much in the film at all.

We first meet her when Duke brings her to a bar where the young folks hang out.  There he gets her drunk, takes her home, and sleeps with her, which the movie treats as a very ordinary situation and not at all a mass of skeevy consent issues. In the morning, Peggy worries that she’s ruined herself in Duke’s eyes as well as everybody else’s, telling Freddy’s girlfriend Mickie that she’s afraid Duke will think she’s ‘cheap’. Mickie assures her that he will think no such thing and as it turns out, he doesn’t, which is what leads Peggy to think she’s stuck with him and nobody else will want her.

This much of the movie is fine, and we expect to move on to Peggy learning about Duke’s life of crime… but then I guess the story realizes it’s asking its audience to identify with a girl who has a very gender-specific problem, and switches rails to be about Duke instead. We don’t even see the moment when Peggy finds out about his criminal activities and realizes what it means for her.  All we get is her telling Duke later that Mickie told her.  The rest of the story is presented through Duke, with Peggy largely standing around either weeping or nagging at him.  Her worries about her chastity never come up again. I assume that’s why she sticks with Duke when things get dicey, but the movie just seems to forget about it.

Other characters talk a lot about how Peggy is a ‘good girl’.  She’s described as such by Duke, who sounds as if he’s set a challenge for himself to corrupt her, and Freddy’s girlfriend Mickie complains that Peggy is ‘so square, she’s a cube!’  (This is mathematically correct: a cube is, in fact, a square squared.)  Peggy does seem naïve, but she never actually objects to all the drinking and drag racing and sex that goes on, and makes only a token protest about the crime before just deciding that this must be her life now.  Duke repeatedly says he should never have gotten mixed up with a girl like her, but the impression is more that he’s tired of her complaining about his lifestyle than that he’s ashamed of having gotten her in trouble.

That might make it sound that Duke is far more in love with the idea of bringing the bourgeoise down to his level than he is with Peggy herself – but in spite of it all they have a surprisingly functional relationship.  The two of them clearly enjoy each other’s company and Duke never once slaps her even when they argue, which is admirable for a movie from the 50’s.  They actually talk about their problems and Duke never blames her for his actions, even when he could almost justify doing so. Probably the height of Peggy’s naivete is when she suggests they just talk to Janice, the girl involved in a car accident Duke caused, and hope she will understand that they meant no harm and don’t want to get in trouble. Instead, Janice sensibly threatens to go to the police, and Duke feels he must kill her to keep her quiet.  He could have blamed Peggy for putting him in that situation, but he didn’t.

In the end, Duke says he’d rather commit suicide than turn himself in to the cops, and for all intents and purposes he does exactly that.  By this point he seems to have realized that the reason he should never have gotten involved with Peggy was for her sake, not his, as he leaves a note to say she was not involved in any of his crimes.  Peggy, however, has no character arc at all.  The end of the film leaves her traumatized but not really having learned anything. Duke actually has to order her to leave him behind, as she is apparently incapable of taking any initiative herself. She is in this story to be its helpless victim, and like Jane from Teenage Crime Wave, it’s very hard to feel any sympathy for her because of it.  At the end she can only throw herself on the mercy of the police.

This is not reassuring because throughout the movie the police have been horrible to everybody.  Duke describes how he was beaten into confessing the last time he was arrested, which is why he refuses to turn himself in now.  Hot Car Girl insists on telling most of its plot points, but actually shows us the cops being dicks.  Janice is arrested after her car accident and she is absolutely distraught, but the detective interrogating her still shouts at and threatens her.  The same man later tells Peggy that brutality like what Duke experienced never solves anything, but it sounds pretty hollow coming from him.

Hot Car Girl is actually pretty ambiguous about the police.  They are certainly the villains in Duke’s story and aren’t very nice people in Janice’s, but they seem to be Peggy’s saving angels.  The cop who died in the car accident is clearly a tragic figure, but elsewhere they are objects of mockery, as when Duke tricks two officers into locking their keys in the car.  Hot Car Girl shies away from making the police outright villains by having Duke shoot first in the final showdown and with the detective’s apology to Peggy for his colleagues’ brutality, but it certainly doesn’t consider them heroes, and blames them outright for Duke turning out the way he did.  I’m not sure if this is an attempt to say something about cops misusing their authority, or if it’s just a side effect of the story being about a criminal.

Like other ‘teens and cars’ movies of the era, Hot Car Girl is about how Crime Doesn’t Pay, and the movie goes out of its way to show that it means it.  As the story progresses and Duke gets in more and more trouble, the people in his life abandon him one by one.  First Freddy and Mickie cut off all contact with him, then the junkyard owner goes to the police hoping to collect the reward Janice’s father is offering for information on her killer.  Neither of them get away with it.  The junkyard owner finds he has a warrant out for his own arrest, and when Freddy and Mickie turn up to plead Peggy’s case, they find themselves facing charges as well. The movie seems to be saying that the good you do doesn’t cancel out the bad, especially if you do good for bad reasons.

At the end of the movie even Peggy is under arrest, although the detective suggests that Duke’s suicide note will allow her to get away with no more than a slap on the wrist, if that.  Like Teenage Crime Wave again, the movie has refused to allow its ostensible heroine to commit a crime.  We saw Peggy lie to her mother about getting a job so she wouldn’t have to answer awkward questions about where she’s getting all this money from, but she’s only been enjoying the fruits of Duke’s crimes, not participating. Once again, it seems the writers fear we will lose all sympathy for Peggy if she does A Crime, whereas they repeatedly ask us to feel for Duke despite his doing many Crime.  Another double-standard, I guess.

I don’t hate this movie, I’m just sort of mildly annoyed by it.  It’s so much like so many other 50’s troubled teens films, and like them the ending leaves the characters’ lives in ruins and the audience depressed.  Can’t a fifties girl ever escape her criminal boyfriend and be happy after?

[jcmorrigan]

001 - Kingdom Hearts

Favorite character: On the villain side: VEXEN IS BEST ORGANIZATION XIII MEMBER. Shoulda stayed evil, though. I like it when he complains and screams about everything and hates everyone. He's one of my favorite villains, just, like...in general. So fun to write. Also attached to Demyx, but I actually liked him more in III than II because it reminded me of my rawr lolspeek weeb days when I f/o'd him without knowing what f/o'ing was and then transitioned this to shipping VexDem like heck. On the hero side: MY GIRL KAIRI! But honorable mentions go to Sora, Riku, Aqua, Ven, Terra, Xion, Roxas, Lea, Ienzo, any Disney character I loved beforehand (this is way too fuckin many to list), Merlin (OKAY I WILL SINGLE HIM OUT), Yen Sid (I'LL SINGLE HIM OUT TOO), you know what let's also single out the Mickey+Donald+Goofy power trio...just...any KH hero who isn't part of the Yozora stuff or the KHUX stuff. ...Except I also LOVE Strelitzia, and she is the only KHUX-exclusive kiddo I care about but I care about her MANY. (Oh, and there's a least fave I have who's a "hero" but that's a debatable label). I would go on about why I love all of them but...that's too many characters to elaborate on

Least Favorite character: See, I think the real answer is Yozora, but the thing is I just tend to forget about him or not care (unless I'm doing a weird AU where he's Noctis' bratty Nobody, don't ask). He kinda represents the Shark Jump and I don't like watching that scene where he literally petrifies Sora for not being strong enough. But again, I can just kinda forget about him if he's not fed to me through a social-media unit. The one I LOVE TO HATE is Master Eraqus. The man actually triggered me back in the day. He is purity culture. He is the overbearing parent who will not accept you unless you are perfect. He is by and large the reason VAT didn't communicate with each other properly. He was the one who taught Aqua to think in absolutes. He lied to Ventus for years and then insisted to kill him was the only option, and then, when Terra tried to defend his brother figure/friend without knowing WHY Eraqus was doing such a thing, Eraqus didn't offer an explanation and instead switched targets to Terra citing that the problem was Terra's lack of OBEDIENCE. Eraqus is just very "my way or the highway" and uses his moral high horse to justify doing things that utterly lack compassion in any regard, which is something that GETS to me on a deep level, and let me tell you, I hated him for so long until I realized he was actually a super fuckin fun guy to imagine as a Bigger Bad in AUs that either have the KH protags teaming up or have villain protags needing a "greater good lawful evil" figure. And I just have found too many good memes about him cheating at chess and killing children. I have to laugh. Making fun of him is fun. He's a ridiculous character. That said, this recent trend of "erase everything bad he ever did and paint him as the ultimate hero of the saga" makes me raise eyebrows for SEVERAL reasons

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): VexDem, SoRiku, Kairi x Jaune Arc (RWBY), Aqua x Rosalina (Super Mario Galaxy) x Bayonetta, IsaLea, Ventus x Papyrus (Undertale), that was six but they all needed to be mentioned

Character I find most attractive: Ienzo. HOO BABY he is adorable. I saw someone make a Valentine's Day gifset of KH and FF characters shortly after III dropped and seeing his smiling face paired with a romance quote made my heart FLUTTER

Character I would marry: Probably Ienzo, see above. He's also a very kind guy. Favorite redemption in the modern era.

Character I would be best friends with: I hope the Destiny Trio would adopt me into their friend circle the way they've tended to do with every other inter-world denizen they've come across. I would love to have them as my positivity squad. Or, y'know, two positivities and one "it's okay to screw up" guy. Just. I would love to hang out with them. I often worry that I'm unlikable to my faves, but even though I would usually prefer to hang with the villains, I can pretty much guarantee these three would be open-minded about me. (Do I kiiiiinda wanna be friends with Vexen though? Of course I do. He'd hate me but maaaayyyyybe he would see me as one of his pet idiots who makes him look smarter, and we could bond over our fragile egos?)

a random thought: You ever think about that one NPC lady in Traverse Town who refused to tell you where she was from because it was none of her business? You ever wonder where she WAS from? What her world was like? How she ended up being the survivor of the Ansem Apocalypse when it hit her? All I know is that when I read her lines out loud (I used to read KH speech balloons out loud all the time), I gave her a Southern accent for no discernible reason and I stand by it. That woman has a twang.

An unpopular opinion: I don't want KHUX to be canon because I feel it's smaller-scale and takes a lot of mystery out of the worldbuilding. I always assume that the KHverse just includes ALL worlds in fiction, and that includes their thousand-year histories, meaning the Age of Fairy Tales should've happened long long long LONG LONG LONG ago and not five generations. And whatever screwed up the world should've been more than just five people having a fight, and whatever saved it should've been more than just five people getting along, and Daybreak Town really suffers from having to stick to mobile-friendly graphics and therefore is the least aesthetically attractive KH town ever, and I don't like that Lauriam and Elrena used to be such selfless people. I do still love Strelitzia because she's shy and relatable and quirky (sitting on the roof) and she questions authority and if you go with shipping subtext she's probably bi (or pan?), but I don't like the "Lauriam's dead sister for his arc's drama" bit. I liked when Marluxia was angry because he wanted to run Organization XIII but it was in the hands of an idiot who wasn't him. And more than anything I just like imagining that the Age of Fairy Tales was something bigger, further in the past, and more mysterious than something designed for a mobile game. Scala ad Caelum, however, I like a lot better because there IS a lot of mystery there and also it's a very pretty town with an amazing design.

my canon OTP: I really only count the Disney couples as the "canon" ones, so this is a question of picking my favorite Disney couple that shows up onscreen. I hope I'm not forgetting an important one, but I think the title has to go to Aladdin/Jasmine, which is always perfect in everything. (This would be an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STORY if KH had ever adapted Treasure Planet, and if it ever gets the mind to adapt Treasure Planet then even if I don't care about that game I will immediately declare that Amelia/Doppler takes the KH canon OTP crown. *taps watch* Get on it Squenix)

Non-canon OTP: SoRiku, which I counted as "basically canon" after DDD until III decided it wasn't sure. But I'm just a sucker for how DDD is the two of them all "HE'S GOT MY BACK AND I'VE GOT HIS AND I'D DO ANYTHING FOR HIM SO LONG AS HE'S HAPPY." It's just the best kind of Friends-to-Lovers, except when you take all canon into account it's Friends-to-Rivals-to-Enemies-to-Friends-to-Lovers and that's a very juicy dynamic. BUT ALSO: VexDem, which is a nostalgia ship SO STRONG I had to accept that it eclipsed my former Vexen ships by a mile and I wanted to go back to my roots. That one, I have a much longer essay about that I'll just have you refer to so I don't repeat myself for pages. To make a long story short, their scene in III was JUST DELICIOUS.

most badass character: OOF THEY'RE ALL BADASS but in the end it's between Sora and Aqua, because Sora gets the widest RANGE of abilities across the series that he masters while Aqua gets the most POWERFUL abilities due to her Mastery (Command Styles seem like they'd be the most OP things ever in-universe and I'm here for it because flashy battle moves make brain go brr).

pairing I am not a fan of: SOKAI, Xehaqus, RikuNami, Vanitas/anyone not evil

character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): OH BOY. KAIRI THE MOST. YOU ALL KNOW WHY: lack of screen time, Fridging for drama, forced romance to invite death flags (they really wanted to milk that death to get people talking didn't they?), giving Alyson Stoner ZERO direction to actually follow up on Hayden Panettiere's performance. But then I remember that they made Vexen redeem and lose his entire personality and I just...uuugghhhh. I can't believe he died twice in this series. And then Demyx is FUN but also I know he's flipped sides as well, which means he won't be fun much longer! Xehanort seems to switch motivations to whatever makes him the biggest threat (and several of Eraqus' old flaws seem to be mysteriously glued onto him), Sora isn't a motormouth anymore, Riku just doesn't get anyone who cares about him anymore because everyone's distracted by Sora and Kairi, IS ANYBODY GOING TO ADDRESS THE ACTUAL ISSUES THAT DROVE THE WAYFINDER TRIO APART, oh God Marluxia and Larxene you're good guys now what have they done to you

favourite friendship: I really like each of the trios. But you know what's even BETTER than the trios? If you put...all of the trios together...meaning Sora, Riku, Kairi, Mickey, Donald, Goofy, Aqua, Terra, Ven, Roxas, Xion, Lea, Hayner, Pence, Olette...and then you added Isa back in there...and you gave them Ienzo...and you brought back Naminé...and you say that Subject X is Strelitzia and you have her turn back up so she can have justice done...AND YOU HAVE AN ULTRA KEYBLADE GROUP OF FRIENDS. As for Vexen, any purely platonic relationship I have for him is a crossover but trust me I have many crossover pals for he

character I want to adopt or be adopted by: See everyone I listed above in the friendship question. They can either mentor me or let me be their big sis/mom. But also, I will GLADLY be Merlin or Yen Sid's daughter. (But also would I kiiiiinda wanna be a VexDem daughter? This is the worst idea. Still wanna try)

[midnightactual]

What was Yoruichi's first impression of the Gotei 13 and the Onmitsukido? When did this perspective start to change (if it ever did)?

There’s no one, singular answer to this question. As the heir apparent (“Princess”) of the Shihōin, Yoruichi’s experience with both institutions was limited and largely academic until she made her decision to enter the Onmitsukidō. Her very first impressions were largely ambivalent: they didn’t matter all that much to her or her life and she didn’t much think of them.

As she grew up, she became somewhat starry-eyed at the possible opportunities offered by a career the Onmitsukidō (and to a lesser extent, interaction with the Gotei 13) as compared to life among the Great Noble Clans. They both gradually came to represent freedom in her mind, but that optimism quickly soured when confronted with the reality on the ground. Although it was her choice to work her way up within the organization, it quickly became apparent that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, staid and rife with inefficiency as it was. Worse still, it didn’t much challenge someone of her caliber, providing only mixed (and often negative) forms of growth to perspective and emotional character. Intellectually and physically, it was a stuck up, repetitive bore, and she found herself shirking its responsibilities just as much as she had her noble ones.

With her promotion to Gundanchō, her perspective began to shift by necessity: she decided to remake the Punishment Force, at least, in her own image. Clearly nobody else—to include her own father, the Sōshireikan—was going to clean things up, so it fell to her. Of course, her own vastly higher performance ceiling and thoughts on efficiency made this grueling, especially as she knew the ins and outs of work in the trenches. Her program could fairly be described as ruthless and unaccommodating. In this time, her view of it could be read as burdensome.

By the time she became Clan Head and Sōshireikan herself due to the political machinations of her father, her uncompromising pursuit of efficiency and perfection had begun to falter internally. Her heart was no longer quite in it as she began to doubt the validity of the mission—she increasingly felt the ends no longer entirely justified the means. While she kept up appearances, her drilling of the other Forces was ultimately less rigorous. It was simply obligatory.

Later, when she was offered the position of 2nd Division Taichō by Yamamoto, she had already begun to quietly reverse course, deliberately detuning the day-to-day efficacy of her forces. Her goals in mixing the Onmitsukidō and 2nd Division together so thoroughly were two-fold: first, to further centralize her own primacy in the organization by making the chain of command more serial than parallel; and second, to make it less efficient by splitting resources, blurring mission focus, and engaging with the Gotei 13. She also started to subtly mold her troops along her new lines of thinking, and began to accumulate power under herself, secretly coming to possess the only division at that time with three Bankai wielders (to include herself, Kisuke, and Soifon; Soifon only told Kisuke, but he of course blabbed to Yoruichi). Her end goal in doing all this was nebulous, even to her, as she was simply doing what seemed natural and appropriate. Spreading this sort of detuning to the 12th Division (infamous because of Hikifune Kirio’s various experiments) with Kisuke’s promotion likewise seemed only natural, as did facilitating closer ties with the Kidō Corps under Tessai. She wasn’t planning a coup, but she felt a personal and moral obligation to unwind the set of military organizations as a whole. (An agenda which, it seemed to her, she was not alone in, considering the nature of the leadership of the 5th, 8th, and 13th Divisions and how that was expressed in those units too.)

As for the Gotei 13, from the very beginning she was unimpressed. It was clear to her that its members were successful at nothing in particular. They were wholly unimpressive as soldiers, lacking almost any ability to coordinate as even small units, let alone massed formations, and forget about working across chains of command. Yet they were completely inferior as duelists too. They were too selfish, macho, and romantic to serve as the former, and too undisciplined, lacking in initiative, and feckless to serve as the latter. Worse still, the bulk of the morals of the most righteous ones—defeating evil, dispensing justice, and so on—were self-evidently a crock of shit. She was certain that the Gotei 13 was an inertial, reactionary, passive force: more like a stone than anything, it existed largely to do nothing of consequence, and in doing nothing, maintain the status quo.

Ironically, as she grew disenchanted with Soul Society’s operations, she came to conclude that doing nothing was actually a way forward. In this sense, the Gotei 13′s ineptitude at anything except doing nothing actually became inspirational: the smart thing wasn’t to overthrow the system, it was to take it to its logical conclusion wherein it did so little that it essentially dissolved itself and fell apart, and some change was required, which she simply had to be prepared for someday. (Of course, outside factors prevented this from occurring in the way she’d foreseen.)

In this sense, despite largely eschewing the label of Shinigami, she still carries a component of the Gotei 13 within her: a studied capacity to do nothing. Likewise, she still carries some essence of the Onmitsukidō, as summarized by Aizen to Soifon: “Don’t seek aesthetics in battle. Don’t seek virtue in death. Don’t think your life belongs only to yourself. If you really want to protect something, attack the enemy from behind.” Within her still lurk deliberate passivity and absolute ruthlessness, although her journey in life since has moderated them.

The pursuit of wisdom, which is a major component of her personal growth, is in her eyes about learning how to act, when, and where. Whether it be doing nothing or direct action, compassion or no mercy, and everything in between and besides, only long experience and varied circumstances can really guide and hone one’s sense of core values. In this regard, although her experiences the Onmitsukidō and Gotei 13 were a mixed bag, they were nonetheless a vital part of her tempering and development.

[agaybird]

big tw: transphobia, terfs, violence, and assault.

tumblr wont let me reply, so let me make one (or many) things clear:

all of you who left replies such as this on my post are so fucking ignorant. so i wanna bring up a couple of things.

1. you are watering down the meaning of rape.

you say this is "rape by deception" but if you can't tell the difference in the genitals, what is the difference? you surely can't tell the difference if you say you are being "deceived". you not sleeping with them at that point simply means you're transphobic for no reason.

this isn't at all comparable to men taking off their condoms (aka "stealthing") before finishing. see, that is a form of sexual assault. it also isn't equivalent to someone having an STD and not telling their potential partners: being trans isn't contagious nor inherently dangerous, despite the talk of trans panic that you all clearly believe.

if the people are, say, just hooking up, neither are drunk, and there is consent from both parties... then how is it rape? the answer: it isn't. they literally both consented. also see above paragraph.

2. you are attempting to label all trans people as predators for not outing themselves immediately.

most, if not all, of the trans people in these situations are stealth. this means that they can't out themselves for their own safety. it also means they pass as cis. trans people outing themselves has consistently lead to hate crimes including injury and death; especially the trans women you keep citing as predators.

even if trans people aren't stealth, outing themselves to strangers is incredibly dangerous. trans people still deserve good things (including but not limited to sex) despite and including the fact that they are trans. Yes, sex should be fully consensual. And yes, nobody needs sex. however, if you think that trans people should just stay indoors or else risk hate being literally hate crimed while hooking up, you're crazy. you will always encounter people you don't like when hooking up. but you don't ask the included parties their political beliefs beforehand, do you?

in relationships i do believe that trans people should at least know their beliefs on trans people, not for the cis person's comfort, but for the trans person's safety.

may i also remind you all that there are trans minors, including teens and children. labelling them predators is really fucked up actually.

in fact, trans people are far more assaulted by cis people, whether that be by "corrective rape" or otherwise. this blog post states, "...TERFs trying to ban trans women from women’s bathrooms are essentially demanding that they compromise their own safety by forcing them to use men’s bathrooms, which puts them at risk of assault by transphobic men who don’t like the idea of “men wearing dresses.” This sort of violence isn’t imaginary. These assaults really do happen. (And it’s not just cis men who are the attackers; several days ago two cis women were charged with sexually assaulting a trans woman in the bathroom of a /North Carolina bar.)"

3. trans people can be bad people, but that doesn't mean all trans people are bad.

anyone can be a bad person. anyone. but you don't fault all women when one happens to become a predator or rapist: you fault that one woman. it's also not equivalent to being afraid of men, because in that case, every 1 in 4 men has either attempted or completed rape between the ages of 11 and 17 years old just in the united states, which is a significant amount: significant enough to be cautious of most men. especially considering that almost every woman i know has been assaulted by a man in some way. in comparison, almost no trans people have been reported to attack people (specifically in restrooms) in the united states. trans people, in fact, are four times more likely to be victims of violent crime, such as rape, than cis people.

the "trans people" you all love to source are, spoiler alert: not actually trans! pretending to be a gender you aren't to manipulate someone and being trans are completely different..... being trans has to do with your personal identity, and you transition for yourself. pretending to be a gender you aren't is just that: pretending. it is done to manipulate people. someone cited this article and this article about the same person. as far as i can tell, the only thing this person did was have sex with the woman with a strapon? she was under the impression it was his real penis, but it wasn't. apparently he also shamed her for not getting pregnant. and yeah, that's shitty, but it isn't rape. there was absolutely no harm done to her as far as i read in the articles, and there was both no risk of the woman getting pregnant or getting an STD. she also apparently couldn't tell the difference between a penis and a strapon... yikes. how is this rape? again, it's definitely shitty, but saying it's sexual assault is completely stretching it. this dude was a shitty person, but you all seem to cite the same shitty people in regards to your "justified" transphobia.

i trust other trans people far more than i trust cis people. you know why? i never felt in danger in the presence of a trans person because they are trans, but i have felt unsafe in the presence of cis people because they're cis. i and my loved ones have been put in danger many times because someone perceived me as trans, or i was outed. without having expressed any of my opinions. my existence is inherently political, and that makes me a target.

there is a lot more to discuss, but this is what im putting out there right now.

you seem to forget that we're actually human beings. you dehumanize us and spread lies to be "gender critical" or a "feminist", but you refuse to acknowledge all those who are caught in the crossfire, and those actual human beings you're hurting and killing. fuck yall.

im not even going to mention the amount of cis people ive been assaulted or near-assaulted by compared to trans people, because it's practically 1000:1. that's hardly an exaggeration. get your heads right.

tip jar

my trans-run shop

[slystallone]

GIRL my life MESSY as hell right now, my brain is absolutely EVERYWHERE. I’ve had the worst night/day of my life so my brains like that scene from spongebob where Patrick is ordering at the Krusty Krab and he’s just drooling BC he doesn’t know what to order 🤦🏻‍♀️

BUT, I’ve learned a lot from the Rocky films, but more specifically the speech he gave to Robert. It is EXACTLY how I’ve learned life to be, in my short 19 years on this stupid spinning ball, nothing had ever been more true. It helped me learn that it’s okay to have hope, to keep that fire alive in my soul but to also have a realistic outlook on life itself. That people are going to be negative, they’re going to be mean, that no matter what their circumstances many will be very selfish as well. I want to be brave and know my worth, yet know when to be kind and selfless, to know what to focus my energies on. Most of my life I’ve ALWAYS took what people said and did to me to heart, and now as I’m older and have learned so much, I ‘laugh’ at the words and actions that are supposed to hurt me.

I sound loco but I PROMISE I’m 100% (not) normal 😬

oh i'm sorry! i'm here if you wanna talk about it! i'll answer privatly if you want..i'm no professional obviously, but sometimes just venting can be helpful

it IS exactly how life is!! in my case i learned it first and then watched the movie lol but its amazing how nothing is ~by chance and things fall into place. just when i decided to do better and to BE better i discover one of the most inspirational characters ever.

there you go!!l love that for you!! i'm on that path as well! to work on myself, to be more confident, more assertive, i already am more positive than i EVER was...to know how to stand up for myself, learn to have some discipline once and for all...its hard to teach yourself all of these things, but not impossible! learning all of this and still stay kind, classy, polite... its a process. especially when you have to do it yourself with no guidance! i have also learned to understand that people's opinion of me just doesn't matter. sounds like 'duh' but understanding you DON'T HAVE to explain, justify or PROVE anything, you can just assume whatevr you want about me and i don't have to prove you're wrong if you are!! "oh yeah? that's what you think? ok". amazing.

When you know who you are nobody can project their shit on you! their opinions really do become laughable. that's just us shattering our egos and i love that for us

you don't sound crazy at all, you sound like someone who loves herself, who's on a path to become a better version of them and who understands that life is this ongoing journey of learning and unlearning a bunch of things but that you can and will triumph! Like that Poe quote he mentioned "I promise to take life by the throat and I shall not let go until I succeed"

And about your fics...everyDAY since 2013?? dude.. post it. if you want, of course haha. i'm not a writer but in my experience you're all too overcritical of yourselves. don't forget to tag it so people can find it if you post it here, and you'll get some feedback! tag me if its abt a sly character too 😁

also ooh i dont blame you. i thought about gifing him in spy kids lol i might. early 2000s sly.....deserves some attention....

[thejustmaiden]

Ugh, I'm tired of my blogs disappearing from the tags! So I'm copying and pasting my answer to this ask I received and posting it again with a few tweaks! The ask reads:

"I've seen so many shippers say that sesshomaru would be such a terrible parent because he didn’t give her shoes or didn’t prevent her death and that’s why it’s not a father-daughter relationship. Yet also claim that he loved her and proposes to her (drama cd 12 year old girl) and somehow those same arguments don’t count? There’s no leg to stand on to argue that sesshomaru and rin were romantic because that’s literally pedophilia, so the only thing they can do is claim he was a terrible guardian?"

Hey anon, thanks for the ask! Hope I can help. :)

You made some great points, thank you!! By their logic, why would somebody even want Sesshomaru with adult Rin at all if he was such a terrible "companion" to her in the first place? If they really believe he neglected her that much and put her in harm's way all the time (because let's be willfully ignorant here and pretend he didn't rescue her multiple times too and eventually leave her to live a normal *safer* life with Kaede), shouldn't they be concerned that he'd be just as bad to her in a romantic relationship once she's old enough, too? That should be something that crosses their mind as well if they weren't so preoccupied with Sesshomaru's supposed lack of parenting skills.

A lot of those shippers like to act like we're only attacking them for implying they must be pedophiles or that they condone pedophilia, but I personally would never make such a nasty accusation about a person in real life. Often times they refuse to address those other serious issues we have with this ship though, because it's really just the pedophilia talk they'll focus on since that's their only easy point to refute.

Aside from the possibility of Sesshomaru grooming Rin since her time in the village, a lot of us anti-s*ssrin fans never actually viewed him as a pedophile-like caretaker to begin with during their times traveling together. The only reason we even bring that up is because we simply cannot ignore when those shippers insist that:

1. He supposedly proposes to her (even when she's still only a child)

2. He's not like a father to her anyway so that's totally acceptable

Nah, even if they're right about him not being like a father to her, that's still plain wrong!! Because then now they're trying to justify an adult male very inappropriately making a move on a young girl here! Perhaps he wasn't pressuring her or forcing himself on her like a true pedophile would do at or around the time of the proposal, but can they really stand there and say that they'd be more than okay with witnessing something like that in real life and not in the slightest cringe??

Okay, this is where a lot of them will argue that this is not real life (so I guess that means we can forgive the child grooming if it's just fiction?), or that older men courting girls soon-to-be young women was the norm in feudal Japan so then that's cool in their books, too. The thing is, even if we can tolerate all that like they do, that's not enough reason to deem it acceptable since it's more than about that. We MUST also factor in that Sesshomaru isn't just some man who took a liking to a blossoming Rin he saw from afar. No no, this man KNEW her and was LIKE a father to her, too!

We can't stress that enough really! Whether by their standards he was a bad father or not doesn't matter, because all that does matter is that he took on a role resembling that of a father- YES, even if we never hear them call each other father or daughter exactly. We also didn't hear him claim outright that he's (falling) in love with her like you all assume either, so why is one implied but not the other?! It's not like Sesshomaru is known to be a demon of many words anyway, but his actions have sure demonstrated and proven to all of us that he cares for this young girl he took in very deeply and very truly.

I mean, just look at the large portion of fan art out there for Sesshomaru and young!Rin (not S*ssrin). He's usually fondly embracing Rin or comforting her like a GOOD father or male guardian/caretaker would. So somebody please explain to me why Sesshomaru is only sweet or loving to Rin when it's convenient to your narrative but not ours? You can't just take an angle on their relationship and bend it at your will to justify him being a terrible demon father who didn't know how to protect a young human girl on one hand, but then show and share all this fan art of him doing the exact opposite on the other! It just makes no sense at all. You can't have your cake and eat it too!

So the special bond they formed over the YEARS they traveled alongside each other isn't something they can up and forget just because Rin is finally an adult. That can't simply clean their slate as if they had no prior established history between them. Their relationship is akin to one a young girl shares with a grown man who looks after her for a significant amount of time (she didn't view him as just some demon; at the very least he was her lord/vassal from the get-go).

So knowing all that we know about what they've endured together, I'd like to believe that Rin could never ever develop romantic feelings for her main male role model, because whether he was physically there for her less than Jaken was is irrelevant here. What it comes down to is that Sesshomaru is the one she really looked (up) to since that day he brought her back to life. He has protected and cared for her the best way he's been able to and in a way everyone else in her life failed to before. It's safe to assume that Sesshomaru filled that role as you can tell that she finally felt safe and loved for the first time in her life. Now if Rin were to start to become sexually attracted to this demon who basically came to represent everything she lacked in a family, then I'd be deeply troubled and concerned for her mental health. And the same thing applies to Sesshomaru.

I would hope that whenever I have children someday, that they would never become physically intimate with whomever was their babysitter back when they were little. Nah, that man would be arrested!! He was around to watch her grow up and the thought of that being sexualized or romanticized, even if it wasn't intentional, makes me sick. I don't care if she's a consenting adult who is free to make her own decisions or that he's a demon so it's different (it's not), because I guarantee you this is not an image any of us ever want to picture when you really put this into a perspective you can better relate to and understand! And I didn't even choose an example with a father. I mean, can you even imagine that? Yeah, I rather not either.....

Nobody liked it when Woody Allen did it in real life regardless if he makes excellent movies, so why would I like to see it on my TV even if it's one of my favorite characters? Nope, Sesshomaru is amazing- and yes, nOt rEaL- but not even he gets a free pass here. Nobody should in any capacity or on ANY MEDIUM (fantasy, reality, etc.) be remotely allowed to get away with such a disgusting act even if it used to be tradition. And no, this isn't just some Western way of thinking. This is a 21st century way of thinking!

Recently, another user on here nicely pointed out to me that an adult can form loving relationships with children and it not be considered a parental one. At that moment, it was like a little light bulb went off in my head!!!! Yessss, this is so true and I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier!! Because all that S*ssrin shippers like to repeat over and over again to us (as well as to themselves), is that Sesshomaru was not Rin's father. So fine, hypothetically speaking, let's say he isn't her adoptive father. That still doesn't take away from the truth that he was very much invested in the overall safety and well-being of this young girl. He contributed to her care even if it was just passing a message along to Jaken before taking off again. I was a teacher for a few years, and the love and affection I had for those children was real, even if I wasn't their parent and I didn't see them every day. That doesn't change the fact that I would've done absolutely anything in my power to keep them safe-- I would've even gone to the underworld and back!!! You know, kinda like that one character we keep discussing who was allegedly such a bad dad. 😉

So you see, you don't need to be the parent or even around all the time to love and care for a child. Bottom line is that Rin, Sesshomaru, Jaken, and Ah-Un are a FAMILY! Granted, they may be a little dysfunctional, but it's not like there's such a thing as the perfect family. They may be far from what a conventional family looks like too, but that doesn't make their family any less valid. Nothing or nobody can or should ever change that ❣

[tale-wind]

"Do you think you'd ever get married?"

Bran is impressed that Bautista manages not to swerve the car into oncoming traffic with how red his face gets. He sees him cycle through and bite back several retorts before settling on “...Anything in particular bring this on?”

Bran shrugs. “Just curious.” It’s a flimsy deflection; they’d both seen the cheering crowd surrounding a pair of brides on their way out of town hours ago. But there’s no reason Bautista has to know it’s been on his mind ever since, twisting his chest.

Bautista breathes deeply, his eyebrows furrowed. His grip tightens on the steering wheel, then loosens again. Bran wonders if he’s gone too far, and is about to tell him to forget about it when he admits, “Probably not.”

“How come?” Bran asks, before he can stop himself.

Bautista glances at him. The red tinge hasn’t quite left his face. “Don’t know that this job’s necessarily the marrying type,” he says. “Lots of moving, lots of...risk, you know.”

“What if it was someone who was used to the moving and the risk? Like, someone from PIRA or—”

“Marrying a coworker?” Bautista nearly chokes, and something pinches inside Bran at the way he says it. “Are you kidding me?” “Or—” Bran snaps without meaning to. He grinds his teeth and takes a breath. “Or a job like it, or someone who just doesn’t mind.”

They hit a stoplight, and Bautista takes the chance to look carefully at Bran. Bran can feel his own face heating up, and doesn’t meet his gaze. “...Then maybe, I guess,” he finally says. “I don’t know.” The light turns green, and the car starts moving again. “Wouldn’t want to deal with the lawyers if it all goes south.”

Neither says anything for a minute. “What,” Bautista says, “no witty commentary, guttersnipe?”

Bran shrugs. “No.” He hesitates, looking out his window. “...Just sounds like you’ve already decided it won’t work out. I...” He swallows. It’s sad, he wants to say, but it doesn’t come. So he clears his throat and says instead, “Think of the tax benefits, though.”

Bautista pauses, then tips his head, conceding the point.

They continue in silence. Bran considers jabbing the radio on, but he doesn’t feel he has the energy to endure whatever podunk country station Bautista will inevitably tune it to. After several minutes, Bautista says casually, “Well, what about you, guttersnipe? I answered your questions. So what do you think about getting married?”

“Oh.” For some reason, Bran hasn’t considered that Bautista might turn the question around on him. “Uh. I don’t know. I guess it’d be nice.”

“You guess?” Bautista smirks. “After all that time you spent picking apart my answers?”

Bran shifts uncomfortably. “I mean—I don’t plan for the future very well. Since...y’know.”

Bautista looks at Bran, stricken, for as long as he can justify before turning his gaze back to the road. “But,” Bran adds quickly, “I mean, I’d... It’d be nice. Being married. I think. With the right guy.”

“Yeah?” Bautista seizes upon the new topic gratefully. “What would this hypothetical guy of yours be like?”

“Hey, I asked if you’d want to get married,” Bran complains. “Not who.”

“Tough. I’m asking the questions now.”

Bran groans and melodramatically throws his head back against the seat. “Well, I guess...” he sighs. “Uh... I dunno. He’d have to be able to deal with”—he gestures vaguely to his head—“all this. Have a good sense of humor.” His face softens. “Be loyal. Fundamentally good and kind.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Bautista says. “What’s he look like?”

“I’m not picky,” Bran huffs. “Lots of kinds of bodies are attractive.”

“But...?”

“But,” Bran says with a put-upon sigh, his ears burning. “I guess someone...big. Tall and broad. Maybe muscle, maybe fat, I don’t care.” His ears burn. “Someone who could just...wrap themselves around me.”

Bautista hums. “Someone like this?” he says with a grin, lifting a hand from the steering wheel so he can flex his (admittedly enormous) arm.

“Absolutely not,” Bran scowls. “I’m going to marry someone with actual musical taste.”

“Oh, is country not tasteful enough for your fancy ass?”

“Country tastes like lawn clippings and gas and shitty beer!”

“This is just classist bougie bullshit!”

“Ugh, fine, whatever. My turn!” Bran turns to Bautista. “What’s your dream wedding like?”

Bautista pulls a face. “My dream wedding? Goddamn. I thought you knew me better than that, guttersnipe.”

“Hey, I don’t know,” Bran shrugs. “You could always surprise me.”

He rolls his eyes. “I don’t do all the pomp and circumstance. If it were up to just me, we’d just get our certificate and that’d be that.”

“Boooo.”

“But since it wouldn’t be up to just me,” Bautista continues. “I’d want to keep it small—our families, a few friends, and the officiant. I’ll wear my dress blues. Nothing fancy, just the people who matter.”

Bran hums. “That’s...not bad. I think that’s how I’d want to do it, too.”

“Okay, my turn. Honeymoon?”

“Europe. Vienna, Florence, Stratford-upon-Avon—”

Bautista groaned.

“Okay, fine, where would your honeymoon be?”

“Cabin in the woods.”

“Seriously?”

“Nobody around to bother us, no one to hear us, just me, my spouse, and nature.”

“Ugh, but the bugs. Okay, here, compromise—hiking in the Alps?”

“...Sure. That could be nice. Yeah, we could do that.”

[lassieposting]

Tell us about Lucifer’s depression, suicidal ideation, self-harm, and past abuse. I mean I can see the self harm, both the obvious In cutting off his wings and the like as well as the unhealthy self medicating, and the abuse - which honestly comes across as a murky gray area, like some verges on abuse but isn’t quite- but the other things... I need them pointed out to me.

GLADLY, ANON

okay so, to cover my ass: this is just my personal take as someone with trauma & suicidal ideation who self-harms. other people with different trauma and different relationships with self-harm/suicidal ideation might see this whole thing completely differently. This post could be triggering, please pay attention to the triggers in the tags. I am not a professional psychiatrist, and if you are struggling please seek professional help. 

i’m gonna break this down into sections bc, surprise surprise, it got rly long

THE ABUSE:

Now, you’re absolutely right that this is kind of a murky grey area, because at this point we really only have one side of the story: Lucifer’s. And obviously, he’s biased. 

the family dynamics:

But let’s take a look at the family dynamics we see in-show. We’ve only seen a fraction of Lucifer’s family, but it’s still fairly obvious that the ways they interact with one another are unhealthy and tend towards abusive, especially when aimed at Lucifer. 

We have Amenadiel, who: 

Is obedient to his Dad on an almost brainwashed level until he falls. 

Blames everything - including his own actions/failures (i.e. saying Malcolm killing humans is Lucifer’s fault, even though Amenadiel himself raised Malcolm from Hell) on Lucifer.

Does not know how to respond to affection or praise, even though he clearly appreciates and enjoys them (i.e. when Trixie hugs him and says she thinks he’s good). This is the son who’s in God’s good books. And he still clearly doesn’t receive affection or praise often. 

Openly competes with Lucifer for Dad’s attention/love, to the point of rubbing it in his face when he discovers he’s the favourite

Is complicit in Lucifer’s abuse - taking him back to Hell (thereby isolating him), threatening him when he doesn’t want to go, and cutting off any attempt Lucifer makes at reaching out to connect with humanity - for billions of years to try and win his Dad’s approval. 

Straight up tries to have Lucifer killed.

Says he’d love to go to war (with Lucifer, and presumably with Hell as a whole). 

We have Uriel, who:

Takes it upon himself to enforce what he believes is his Dad’s will; he had no instructions from God when he came to Earth. 

Delights in getting the opportunity to beat up Amenadiel, and gloats about it. 

Threatens - and harms - the first good thing Lucifer has had in his life in eons as a way of bullying him into doing what Uriel wants.

When Lucifer complies, Uriel decides to kill both Goddess and Chloe, purely out of spite because Lucifer was “being difficult”.

(There is an interesting meta here on Uriel’s potential motivations that I really like, but this is looking purely at his actions.)

And we have Goddess, their mother, easily the most manipulative and emotionally abusive of the lot. She:

Admits to destroying things God cared about - attacking humanity with plagues and floods etc - out of malice and to get his attention. 

Happily releases Azrael’s blade into human hands, hoping for widespread human deaths, to get her ex to get back in touch. 

Plays Lucifer and Amenadiel off against one another like a pro for her approval. 

Only ever touches her children when she’s trying to manipulate them - there’s a good meta on that here. The one exception to this that I personally believe to be a genuine attempt to comfort (both him and herself) is when she hugs Lucifer after he’s just killed Uriel. 

Doesn’t actually care about what Lucifer wants - he’s told her outright that Earth is the only place where he feels wanted and respected, and she knows he has a life he enjoys and a woman he’s falling in love with, but she expects him to abandon Earth and go back to the Silver City with her regardless - to the point that she actively tries to dismantle his human life and kill his loved ones to leave him with no ties to Earth. 

The picture this paints to me is of two incredibly narcissistic parents who see their children as extensions of themselves rather than as people in their own right. If you compare Lucifer - who’s an asshole, but fundamentally a good man - to his siblings here, you can see that the two who stayed in Heaven have caught fleas from their parents - and part of Amenadiel’s redemption arc is him realising how toxic and damaging his family is, giving himself a damn good flea bath, and doing his best to be a better big brother to Lucifer and a better son to his mom (and, later, a better father to Charlie than his Dad was to him). 

angel life cycle

So apparently in canon, angels were created as adults. My personal headcanon is fuck that, baby angels, but we’ll go with the canon explanation for this, because honestly it still lines up with my theory. 

Even if you’re “born” with a mature adult body and adult-level speech ability etc, you still won’t have an adult’s wealth of life experience, or maturity, or social skills. You’re still going to have to grow and learn and experience situations to learn how to cope with them. 

Now, Tom Ellis has said in the past that he plays Lucifer as essentially having the emotional maturity level of a teenager, which I think is honestly perfect. For an immortal being - or at least a being with a lifespan of many, many billions of years - it’s actually fairly believable that the angels are (depending on the age gap between them) either still in the “adolescent” life stage or emerging into the “young adult” one. 

Lucifer says that he’s spent “most of his life” in Hell. If he’s only a young adult now, at ~11 billion years old, that means he’d have been a juvenile (in terms of life experience/emotional development, even if he was “born” with a fully mature adult body) when he was sent to Hell, and the reason he was sent to Hell is because he wanted free will and started “acting out”. 

Even if your 12-year-old is the most unpleasant, rebellious little shithead on the planet, you don’t kick him out of the house and spent the next decade sabotaging every attempt he makes to connect with people or improve his life. Because, you know. That’s your kid. You signed up to have him, that’s normal shitty teenager behaviour, and the chances are he’ll improve with age. God and Goddess went scorched earth on Lucifer because he was behaving in a completely normal way for a kid beginning to mature into a grownup. 

lasting trauma

Lucifer’s parents’ treatment has left some crazy deep scars. 

He uses a neglectful broken home as an analogy for his celestial family. And he does so incredibly smoothly; this is clearly an analogy he’s thought about before. Chances are he’s seen this dynamic on TV and identified very strongly with it. 

He talks about his mother abandoning him as his “lowest point”.  Not his Fall. Not any of the horrific things he’s seen in Hell. The point where he realised his mom doesn’t love him enough to protect him. 

He doesn’t understand what he did wrong. God punished Lucifer harshly for wanting to control his own life, because narcs often see their children’s developing independence as a threat to their own control over their kids’ lives. Obviously He wouldn’t see it like that, but he’s clearly never explained to Lucifer why what he did was “wrong”. This family has a chronic communication problem. 

He’s paranoid as fuck. He constantly suspects God of having a hand in the events happening around him, and any time it seems He is involved, Lucifer immediately sees whatever’s happening as an attempted manipulation. It never occurs to him that creating Chloe - someone immune to his powers who can really love him without any kind of supernatural influence - could be an olive branch or an attempt to give him what he actually needs. He doesn’t believe his Dad would ever do something positive to/for him. 

He’s so badly traumatized by his childhood that he reacts like this to being called by the name his Dad gave him. And he’s clearly doing well in therapy - he might not know the word for it, but he knows he’s being (unintentionally) gaslit here. He doesn’t handle it well, but he doesn’t put up with it either, refuses to accept being told to see his Dad’s abuse as a sign of love. 

He believes he’s unloveable. When Linda gently suggests that maybe Chloe kissed him purely because she likes him, he tells her that’s impossible and reminds her his powers don’t work on Chloe. He doesn’t think there’s any way someone could love him for who he is, unless he’s either giving them something or using his mojo on them. And it’s his family that’s conditioned him to think that way - look at Amenadiel alone, how many times he tells Lucifer he’s evil throughout the show, as casually as if he were telling him that his hair is brown. This is just a fact of the universe in that family: water is wet, leaves are green, Lucifer is irredeemable garbage. 

He doesn’t for a second hesitate to believe that his Dad wanted to kill him. Or that he would kill him given the opportunity. He even thinks Chloe is his dad’s attempt to get him killed for a bit. 

THE SELF HARM

the wings: 

The blatantly obvious one - and the most deliberate - is when he cuts off his wings. Now when Lucifer talks about this, he frames it as him taking back agency over his own life, freeing himself from his Father’s control, and making a statement about his intention to stay on Earth. 

But when you look at him, he doesn’t look victorious, or like he’s looking forward to starting a new life. Physical pain aside - and an amateur amputation would be agonizing - he looks almost like he’s grieving, gritting his teeth through something he feels he has no choice but to do. 

Someone did a fantastic meta that I thought I’d reblogged at some point that says something like “this isn’t the devil in his moment of triumph against god; this is an abused boy mutilating himself to spite his father”. I wanted to link it, but I haven’t been able to find it again (if anyone finds it, please let me know so I can add a link).  

the self-medicating:

I don’t think he realises this is a form of self-harm, and I don’t think he does it to hurt himself deliberately. But he comes to Earth to overindulge in all the things he can’t have in Hell, all the things he’s been cut off from. 

Touch and affection, which he gets through sex. Oblivion, which he gets by drinking. Euphoria, which he gets from drugs. Socialisation, which he gets from being surrounded by people at all times and partying it up 24/7.

It doesn’t matter to him that the touch is from a stranger, it doesn’t matter that the affection only lasts one night, it’s something and that’s more than he’s getting in Hell. He buries himself in those things to forget that he has to go back. He can bury himself in the next line or the next shot or the next attractive body and, just for a little bit, he can forget who he is.

Sending Lucifer to Hell in and of itself is cruel. Angels are clearly social creatures, and he’s been in solitary isolation for billions of years - it’s a miracle he hasn’t gone insane. Yes, he has the demons, but they don’t interact with him by choice and he’s not safe with them. Hell denies Lucifer everything a young person needs to grow into a stable, healthy adult. 

the self-sabotage:

We also see that he’s got a tendency to sabotage himself when he’s on a downward spiral. This usually comes out one of two ways - either:  

He tries to chase away the people who care about him. This comes from being so terrified of being abandoned and rejected again that he’d rather run them off himself than wait for them to inevitably (in his mind) decide that he’s Not Worth It and leave him. For example: 

He tries to push Linda away when he’s grieving after killing Uriel. 

He punches Dan in the face and gets himself thrown off the case by Chloe - she’s already warned him she would bench him if he didn’t pull himself together. 

He throws Chloe’s initial rejection in her face when he’s on his self-hatred bender in S4. 

He’s absolutely vicious to Amenadiel in this scene, when Amenadiel is trying to communicate that he loves Luci and wants to support him. 

Or he talks shit about himself. You can always tell when he’s having a bad time; he’ll start coming out with shit like, “I’m the devil, remember, I’m evil.” His real view of himself will slip out from under the mask of confidence and vanity. Chloe cuts right to the heart of this in S4; he’s been told so many times that he’s responsible for all evil that he now believes it. He blames himself, even as he vehemently denies having ever made anyone do anything. 

THE SUICIDAL IDEATION:

Jesus fuck, it’s a good thing Lucifer is in therapy. 

The first time we see him actively attempt suicide is in 1x13 when he’s being framed for shooting the street preacher. It’s a case of “the straw that broke the camel’s back” here - he’s been having a really rough time lately:

Groups of zealots are cornering him in the street accusing him of murders he didn’t commit 

Being accused of things he didn’t do is already a trigger for him

His own brother tried to have him assassinated.

His bodyguard and oldest friend betrayed him.

He’s just found out the detective makes him vulnerable. 

He knows Dan - and therefore probably other work colleagues as well - think he’s got something to do with the satanic murders. 

And now Chloe is turning her gun - and apparently her back - on him. She’s no different from anyone else. He was stupid to ever trust her, etc, etc, and now he’s spiralling.

She was the last rock keeping his head above the ocean at this point, and when she goes to arrest him, he goes under. We see that mania come out very quickly; he starts laughing hysterically and tries to goad an inexperienced uni into shooting him. He pretends to have a gun, knowing the cop will fear for his life and instinctively shoot. Since Chloe’s right there at the time, and he now knows he can be hurt around her, that’s attempted suicide. He wants to die. He even admits to Amenadiel he was trying to achieve “a good death…or at least a nice and messy one.”

No one ever addresses this bloody hell why

And then there’s the case with the shooter in the hospital. Lucifer’s grieving Uriel at this point, and he’s up to his eyeballs in self-loathing. He killed his brother. He really is the monster everyone believes he is. He’s spent the entire episode up to this point trying to make people punish him. He’s riled up Chloe at a crime scene and she’s told him off. He’s punched Dan, and Dan didn’t retaliate. He turned down Linda’s offer of continued therapy in a way that’s almost a challenge; he wants her to snap back at him. And when none of these little punishments are enough for him, he escalates and escalates and eventually he steps in front of the sniper’s intended victim and, again, goads him to shoot. He goes a bit further this time, though; he outright begs the sniper to shoot him, and reams the guy out when he says he didn’t think Lucifer deserved it. 

Again, he knows Chloe is there. This is a suicide attempt. He even admits to Chloe that he didn’t care about the intended victim, he was just trying to get himself killed. She doesn’t believe him. And it’s never addressed again, and I’m salty. 

Anyway I hope this clarifies some stuff for you anon? and I’m sorry it took so long to finish I rewrote this so many times for Maximum Sensitivity and kept including stuff and taking stuff out and it got SO LONG and i had to condense it and i have A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT THIS OKAY I HAD A LOT TO SAY