#absolutely no sarcasm here i am really fascinated by this difference in experience

[luesmainblog]

That's an interesting statement, because I find phones incredibly clunky and irritating for everyday internet use. On my desktop, i can have as many tabs open as i want. I can play music or a video in the background while i play my game, switch over to discord every so often to see what the gang is up to, switch easily between different art programs for specific things, and have all of these things running at the same time without interruption. There's also a LOT of games i can play on desktop that i can't play on a phone, including emulations of games for consoles i can't get my hands on. When I try to do this on a phone, it... doesn't go well. videos get paused automatically and refuse to pop out, the screen gets crammed quickly, none of my adblockers work so i'm CONSTANTLY fighting the ads to show me the damn recipe i looked up, half my browsers aren't there, and every time i switch to a different window there's a weird stuttering effect on the others. I can't even stay in a discord call and look at a recipe on firefox without discord losing connection and cutting me off. scrolling is also extremely irritating, always jumping around or stuttering. and every. SINGLE. game. has ads every few minutes IF THAT. the only game i've played around with that didn't give me constant advertisements was Neko Atsume, which is not exactly a constant play kind of game. and on top of all that, i instinctively use my pinkie as an anchor when i hold my phone, so my wrist gets tired and sore after too much use. every time i'm stuck with a phone as my only internet source, it's extremely irritating. i genuinely do not understand why someone would chose it as their main hookup when it's so much easier on the desktop. and this isn't oldmanning!! i would genuinely love to hear some someone who feels the desktop is the clunky thing! please, i wanna know :0 i grew up with it, so i'm really blind to the various ways it may be frustrating for new users.

this can't be true can it

[hopeymchope]

Magia Record: Reflecting on the Anime and the Game’s Story Ending

With Magia Record's story now complete in-game and with the anime "finished" (only the first season, but it took until literally this past weekend for the production team at Shaft to acknowledge that the second season is coming/inevitable), I have like… a ton of thoughts about where the game and the anime landed.

This will probably mostly be gripes, but overall, I'm still pretty happy with both. I've invested my past year into Magia Record during a lot of my free time, and hey – no regrets here. That game was absolutely worth the experience. The anime? Jury's still out somewhat, but it looks good so far.

This is definitely a normal thing to find surrounding a radio tower.

Anime Adaptation Thoughts:

The original Madoka Magica anime made the world feel slightly off-kilter by employing locations that were just a little off the rails from reality. The producers noted Madoka's bathroom as an important example; it's simply too large and has too much wasted space. It's maybe the biggest room in their house for no discernible reason, and that's by design, because it feels wrong. Another one was the music store we see in the first episode, where the technology is noticeably on a level that you just can't find in any real shop. On the flip side, the Magia Record anime creates a world that is deeply bizarre in many ways – much moreso than the original anime or the Magia Record game world. This is probably because the creator of the witch designs in the original was given far more creative control over the series as a whole this time around, and the result was BUGNUTS. Take note of the massive stack of discarded school desks that is arranged in a dangerous, precarious pile atop the school building (helpfully labeled as a waste pile, despite the fact that… well, who is picking up these garbage desks from the goddamn roof?). That's some imagery straight out of a witch's labyrinth, but it is ostensibly "reality." I think that's where Magia Record's anime really goes bugnuts, sometimes to powerful effect in that it makes things feel more unsettling… and sometimes to ridiculous effect. I mean, the field surrounding the radio tower now being replaced with a yard of jagged, cockeyed, towering gravestones and cross-like woodwork dangling with ropes and tridents? That's a LOT. That's… that's too much.

Look, if you were a die-hard fan of Kaede in the game, I am deeply sorry, because your girl got done DIRTY by the anime. Anyone who played the game who then sees where she winds up at the end of episode 12 is likely on a train straight to Double-You Tee Eff Station. I can't deny that it makes sense for the limited story she's given to develop across, but it was still disappointing to see. I suppose we don't really have the time to develop up all of the other characters from the game, so somebody had to sub in for this role… but oof.

Sana's backstory with her family is not nearly explained or explored enough in the show. I honestly think it comes off as confusingly unclear why they treated her like this or why they didn't notice her vanish at all. The game justifies this devastatingly well, but it feels like it's not clear at all here.

I think they could've had Kyubey run around Kamihama for part of the first season before he got ousted/blocked, and I think it would've been beneficial to do so. Now, that's not just because I love his character and find him fascinating, although that's definitely true, but it's also because there's so much exposition that I wish he could deliver to the characters about what's happened before we got here. Like, the tragic truth about Felicia's backstory is wonderfully awful, and I wish there was some way to deliver that into the anime, but I don't think it's possible without a ton of flashbacks. (And to be fair, players of the game may never know it without playing her particular Magical Girl Story.)

The change to not having Mami attack Yachiyo when they first meet was something I felt was a positive move. I loved that Mami got to have a moment she never had in the game during the Radio Tower arc, too. In generally, I enjoyed the slower, more piecemeal involvement of the original Holy Quintet, which has served as nice slow tease compared to having them be more upfront in the game. I did kind of miss the Madoka/Homura involvement in the radio tower case, but I ultimately came away feeling like it was better to save those two for later in the story because they're probably the best-known characters from the original series.

The combat soundtrack is exquisite - maybe better than ever before, honestly. The Magia Record anime has the best fight music in the series outside of, say, Rebellion.

Game's Ending Thoughts: (Spoilers Within)

The anime cutscenes in the final chapter are delightful.

Puella Magi has never shied away from having its characters die in the original anime or in the many manga stories. I'd argue that those deaths are at least part of what makes it such a successful subversion of the Magical Girl formula; the threat of death (often via witchiness) establishes the idea of there being permanent consequences that simple hope and faith and love can't overcome in spite of what those other anime may have told you. On the other hand, Magia Record turns out to have very close to zero consequences. Aside from established deaths from flashbacks that have occurred before the game even begins, by the end of the game, literally no one dies. Not even the most blatantly psychotic character is allowed to shuffle off her mortal coil; she just "disappears" and escapes. I particularly like (please note the sarcasm) how three different characters do some kind of "super-move" during the final two chapters that is said to most likely kill them, and yet they all survive them! At least ONE character winds up with some paralysis, but jeez, the others walk away completely unscathed. I can only hope the anime doesn't go quite so weak in the knees about any of the characters suffering actual consequences from the potentially-world-ending-level battles that occur.

I previously griped that I actually expected the psychos responsible for the entire storyline to get off scot-free, and although they don't get off 100% free and clear by the time the credits role, they come extremely close to doing so. However, I was really happy with the "Cherry Blossom Dreams" epilogue event, because there is dialogue in there that has the Magius admit that whatever guilt they have now, they are still capable of being complete sociopaths who want to dominate the Earth. That one person's presence (Ui) shouldn't be (and isn't) enough to keep them from being incredibly dangerous. Ultimately, the solution/punishment they receive is probably the best one available in light of their overall survival. Well done.

Speaking of the Magius, I mean… is it really possible that so many feathers never questioned that they were following a couple of 11/12-year-olds and one blatantly obvious psychotic? I guess having face time with the Magius was pretty rare, but there was still enough that some of the feathers declared their allegiance was primarily to those three above all else. And most magical girls range closer to 16 than to 11, I mean, y'know? Which is practically an eternity in terms of maturity. So I guess MIfuyu did a lot of heavy lifting on NOT making them seem like absolutely the worst possible choices for leadership, huh? (And for that reason: Mifuyu got off fucking LIGHT.)

Aaaand speaking of "one obvious psychotic," I find it funny how almost nobody knows Alina outside of her Magius role except for Karin. Because, just… it's so perfect. Karin (who is not a "Karen") happens to be the most insanely tolerant person when it comes to Alina. She seems to shrug off Alina's entire everything as amusing, forgivable quirks. Perhaps because so many people believe Karin's own obsession with Halloween is a weirdly morbid quirk, Karin doesn't even question Alina's obsession with making art about death using actual human remains. Which is… funny? No, seriously. I think it's legitimately comedic in a good way. But it should probably be much more alarming to me that she doesn't care. I'd like to think that Karen feels it's just delightfully Halloween-y for Alina to paint her canvas with legit blood, and I do believe Karin isn't really the kind of person who would ask where the blood came from because whatever, it's probably fine, better get back to planning my pageant or something. She probably even thinks Alina's skulls are plastic Halloween decorations. :P

We need to talk about Mami: Mami in "Another Story Chapter 9" felt so off and out-of-character compared to how she was written in things like Rebellion or A Different Story or Wraith Arc, and furthermore, despite that chapter being entirely about Mami wanting to just be a simple peer with no superiority over the rest of the Holy Quintet, Another Story Chapter 10 has her immediately revert back to being the smart senpai character, further cementing how weirdly "off" Chapter 9 felt. I realize they had something difficult to write, here, though. It's painful how Sayaka has to run middlewoman between Kyoko and Mami in Chapter 10 of AS. I feel like I could write a whole screed about Kyoko's behavior across the franchise and how difficult a character she is for me to like even though I "get it" and don't think she's necessarily a bad person; she's just living on the edge of being almost a total hypocrite basically ALL THE TIME. The conclusion where Kyoko acknowledges that she's going to continue to work with Mami and the others semi-regularly in spite of everything is really the best closure you can hope for with her. She's too antagonistic to give us much else, and she prefers it that way. It would take years to see her mellow.

At this point, it seems safe to assume that there isn't going to be any "season 2" of the game like what happened with Fate/Grand Order after its finale. The main narrative is well and truly done, and it's just going to be various events from here on out. Is that enough to keep me around? Um. I don't know. Probably not? Hard to say. I don't really know what other mobile game to throw my heart into. I've considered Attack on Titan Tactics, but like… Attack on Titan hasn't been kind to me lately so uhhhhh.

[feelsgoodink]

Her Flawless Plan ( Klaus Mikaelson x Reader )

THE THIRD PART TO THE SPIN-OFF OF HIS FAVORITE COLOR/FLAVOR. READ THOSE FIRST HERE; https://feelsgoodink.tumblr.com/post/176715234144/his-favorite-color-klaus-mikaelson-x-reader

PART ONE OF THIS; https://feelsgoodink.tumblr.com/post/177064720044/her-fatal-flaw-klaus-mikaelson-x-reader

PART TWO OF THIS; https://feelsgoodink.tumblr.com/post/177080361624/her-own-choice-klaus-x-reader

PART FOUR OF THIS; https://feelsgoodink.tumblr.com/post/177137851419/her-last-breath-klaus-mikaelson-x-reader

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! <3

You woke up still feeling his hands on your body. You could still feel the way his rough hands felt against your soft skin as his fingertips pressed against your hips. His musk was permanently burned into your nostrils it seems, and your lips were still swole from the contact that made with his.

Oddly enough, you woke up not in your living room, beside Klaus, snuggling into the morning and saving the worry of the logic of it for the oncoming morning, rather you woke up in your bedroom that you had not slept in several months. You remembered that last night, among all the new experiences and all the new feelings that you were feeling, Klaus had put a stop to them.

In the moment, you let what felt right happen. You, of course, not knowing anything about tips and tricks and romance at all, this was just your second kiss, and your first 'make-out session' (was that what was this?), spent your time underneath Klaus with your head way above the both of you in the clouds.

You felt Klaus's cold hands push up the cloth of your shirt and feel the soft, bare skin of your waist. His eyes scanned over what little part of you was exposed, finding beauty in the tiger-like stretch marks on your stomach. His lips did not find yours again.

Rather, they pressed against your neck and gently placed wet kisses against the left side. The first closer to your ear and the second in between there and your collarbone. You moved your head to side to allow him more room and caught yourself letting out a small whimper. You nearly shuddered thinking; was that a moan? Your face got even hotter.

Abruptly, before you even realized it, Klaus was off of you, he was far from the couch as he could be and his eyes were wide and his hand covered his mouth. His chest was rising and lowering rapidly. You sat up and hugged your knees to you, something you did you realized when you were nervous.

"Did I do something wrong? I-" You nearly panicked, unsure if you had, or if you had accidentally moved the wrong way or something of that sort. Klaus shook his head violently and let his chest settle. "No, love, absolutely not." He walked back to the sofa then, sitting down and taking your hand. "Quite the opposite, actually." He chuckled, looking away for the sake of the innuendo. You blushed brightly.

"You see that? The way the blood pumps through your body and makes you fluster? That's why I stopped, love. I fear if we continue, I might... lose control. I just don't believe that you're body is strong enough yet, darling." Klaus grabbed your hand and let his thumb rub circles in your palm. Something about the way he said lose control made your knees a little weak. You understood what he meant immediately.

"You should sleep in your own bedroom tonight. When the curse is lifted and I am able to leave, you are welcome to leave with me. My home is yours." Klaus offered.

Three days ago, you were in your bedroom crying about your appearance. Today, you were recieving offers to move in with the Originals. You smiled to show that you would oblige.

When you woke up the next day, you could hear movemovement downstairs, and your heart fluttered thinking about Klaus. You took a step into your closet, you missed the space, you missed your bedroom. Looking through the pieces of clothing that you had not taken with you, you noticed a pattern. All of them were form-fitting, and provacative. Although in the past, you wouldn't even think about putting them back on your body, right now you felt as if you might be okay.

You touched the fabric and rubbed it in between your fingers, stretching shirts over the other clothes to see the width of the cloth. The colors, for the most part, were innocent and bright, such as pastels and even some neons. However, at the end of your closet, in the very back, was a blue dress that you wore to the founder's party two year ago.

For a moment, you thought that maybe Klaus would think you were trying too hard, and you felt childish in your thinking, but you still figured that if you looked decent, maybe it would be another page of your next chapter.

This was you changing, this was you evolving. You felt as if slipping on this dress and appreciating the way you looked in it was turning a stone for you.

You weren't going to be that insecure, weak girl anymore. You weren't going to hide anymore. You were going to be better, newer, the girl you wanted to be but had been too afraid to be.

As you started down the stairs, you heard a voice different than Klaus's accented tone. "Morning sunshine. You look awful."

It was Tyler Lockwood. You cowered down on the stairs and listened, curious on what had to say.

You heard Klaus emit a chuckle. "Far from it, actually. When I get out of here, I'm going to be even better." He told Tyler, threateningly. "I can't say the same for you."

"I can't wait till I get to show the cure down your throat and and then kill you." Tyler fearlessly told the trapped original. His burning eyes flickered.

"I just don't know how I'm going to do it." Tyler marveled. Klaus exhaled.

"I recommend drowning. There is nothing as fascinating watching someone fight for something basic as human breath." Klaus let out a breathy chortle. "And trust me, your mother was a fighter."

Tyler was appalled. His face shriveled up at Klaus's words. You broke up the tension in the room by acknowledging your own existence and stating that Tyler was there.

"Hey Tyler." You made yourself known, as you took slow, steady steps down the stairs. A hush fell over the room and you watched as Klaus absorbed your appearance out of the corner of your eye.

Lockwood stumbled over his words. "(Y/N)? What are you doing here?" He inquired, stepping over to you with an urgency, as if you were wounded, or- you understood the look- he thought he needed to save you.

Aggravation stirred in your chest and burned like acid reflux. You smiled kindly at him to hide it. "I'm fine, Tyler. Seriously, don't try and play the hero." Your words were laced with sarcasm as you watched his dark, thick brown slug brows furrow. Tyler crossed his arms. He flashed a glare to Klaus and pointed at you as if you weren't standing right there.

"Did you compel her?" The hybrid asked, more so demanded. You answered for Klaus.

"No. He didn't. I guess Elena is just as bad at telling you things as she as telling me. I'm staying here with Klaus."

In that moment, Caroline Forbes walked through the door.

You nearly groaned audibly. Caroline was never the most kind to you. Sure, she was nice and courteous, but it was a pitying, fake nice that really just said ‘I feel sorry for you’ and ‘i’m better than you’, rather than ‘how are you?’ and ‘You look great!’. Because once again, you weren’t Elena. 

“Tyler, are you still here?” Caroline asked scoldingly. Tyler looked at her as if to say; “we have bigger fish to fry.” 

“Hello, Caroline.” Klaus greeted with a fanged smile. You watched in silent jealousy. When the blonde noticed you, she threw her arms in the air half way in a shrug. “(Y/N)? Are you insane? Go back to Stefan & Damon’s house and get away from this psychopath. He killed Carol. And your Aunt Jenna. And he’d kill Elena and Jeremy the second he got the chance.” She drilled into you, acting like Klaus could not hear every word. 

You put your right hand on your hip and leaned your weight against it, annoyed you fiddled with the black belt around your waist. “Okay, ignore the burnt corpse of his brother laying in my kitchen. Guess who put him there? Elena and Jeremy.” 

“(Y/N). Kol. Deserved. It.” She urged. Her wide blue eyes were crazy and determined. Klaus watched silently as you defended him, a sense of even greater appreciation coming over him. 

“Go back to the Salvatore house?” You entered, changing the subject for the moment. “Hasn’t Damon killed Jeremy before? Do you think I’m safe there? I’d rather die here then go back there.” 

Caroline shut her mouth before she would catch flies. She folded her arms over her chest. “See, I told Elena that you weren’t just different and quiet, I’ve known you were a freak since middle school! If this is you acting out because your parents are dead, then it’s starting a little late and frankly (Y/N), it’s pathetic!”

Tyler grabbed Caroline’s arm. “Care, don’t.” He warned. She turned to him and shook her head. “What?” 

Your blood boiled with anger at her words. You weren’t feeling like you were about to cry, because you were more furious than you were hurt. As you watched Caroline and Tyler bicker back and forth quietly, to where you couldn’t hear but Klaus probably could, a plan began to form in your infuriated mind. 

“Tyler, walk out with me, I’m calling Elena and she’s going to come here and set her sister straight before I drag her home by her hair.” Caroline snapped, dragging her hybrid boyfriend out the door behind her. 

You side-stepped over to Klaus and tugged his arm so that he would lower to your level. “You look stunning, love.” He told you. 

For the moment, you ignored the compliment. You were lighting up with excitement over your own idea. “I have a plan to put an end to all this ‘save me’ nonsense. One bite of yours kills, unless you heal someone in time, right?” 

At first, Klaus did not follow. “Yes, because Elena’s blood-” 

“No, we don’t need Elena’s blood. What if we could lure Caroline into here, and you could bite her, and then- the only way you would heal her- is if she turned me into a vampire?” 

Klaus’s smile was a mile wide. You were not the shy, insecure girl he first knew. You were a intelligent, ambitious woman on a mission. It was thrilling. “Sweetheart, you’re brilliant.” 

Caroline and Tyler walked back inside, Caroline’s hips swayed femininely as she stepped right in front of the barrier. 

“Follow my lead.” Klaus whispered to you. 

“Elena’s gone with Professor Shane, so is Stefan, Damon, Bonnie, Jeremy, and even Rebekah, which is weird but- whatever.” Caroline slammed her cell-phone back into pocket. “(Y/N), come on. As soon as Klaus gets hungry enough, he’ll drain every ounce from your body and then laugh at your body.” She wagered. 

“Why don’t I just go ahead and make that happen, love? Since you’re betting so hard on it. I’ll let you explain to Elena how neither of you were brave enough to save Elena’s delusional, defenseless, heart-broken sister.” At the start of his first sentence, Klaus grabbed your forcefully and held his arm over your chest at your chin in a bit of a choke-hold. Your dress blew up in the swift wind of the movement. 

At the word ‘delusional’, his free hand stroked your hair before pushing it off to the side, exposing your neck. At ‘defenseless’, he held your neck firmly in place. At ‘heart-broken’, he veered his fangs as if he was about to sink them into you. Your heart did not flutter with fear, but tingled with adrenaline. 

The next movements happened too fast for you to see. You hit the ground, and you heard a shriek. You knew in that moment, that your plan had worked. 

TO BE CONTINUED

[thesilverdragoon]

REALLY LONG CHARACTER SURVEY.

I’m not subjecting anyone to this horror. Stolen from @crimsonfluidessence​

BASICS.

FULL NAME: Vesevont Nevelaux

NICKNAME: Ves, “Cap”

AGE: 49

BIRTHDAY: 15th Sun of the Second Astral Moon (March 15)

ETHNIC GROUP: Ishgardian Elezen

NATIONALITY: Ishgardian

LANGUAGE(S): Common Eorzean

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Biromantic

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single

CLASS: Dragoon (OOC only, IC a mere knight)

HOMETOWN / AREA: Coerthas

CURRENT HOME: The Mist

PROFESSION: Ex-knight of Ishgard's House Durendaire. Currently: none

PHYSICAL.

HAIR: Blond

EYES: Amber

NOSE: He has one(1) nose.

FACE: Scarred, eye bags, wrinkly, crow’s feet, a little gaunt, aged

LIPS: Probably dry to be fair.

COMPLEXION: Light or, probably just pale

BLEMISHES: We all have ‘em

SCARS: One over the right eye, one across the left cheek and nose. And others.

TATTOOS: None

HEIGHT: 6′6″

WEIGHT: Average for his height

BUILD: Lean, fit

FEATURES: He’s got pretty big ears?

ALLERGIES: Bananas.

USUAL HAIRSTYLE: Short, blond, shaved on the sides.

USUAL FACE LOOK: Resting bitch face

USUAL CLOTHING: Old knight-attire with green cloak, or his blue outfit later in SB

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR(S): Abandonment, his kids or friends getting hurt, Carbuncles, Voidsent

ASPIRATION(S): Being able to settle down with someone

POSITIVE TRAITS: Tenacious, Loyal, Polite, Caring, Merciful

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Reckless, Stubborn, Confrontational, Harsh, Impulsive

ZODIAC: Ironically a Pisces (Thaliak on the Eorzean calender)

TEMPERAMENT: Guarded but usually optimistic

SOUL TYPE(S): He has a soul or he wouldn’t be alive.

ANIMALS: He’d want to be a shark

VICE HABIT(S): Stress-eating, boredom eating, eating

FAITH: Unknown

GHOSTS?: Reluctantly yes

AFTERLIFE?: He hopes so

REINCARNATION?: Maybe

ALIENS?: "Who?”

POLITICAL ALIGNMENT: Probably really liberal

ECONOMIC PREFERENCE: Don’t ask him things like this he doesn’t know.

SOCIO POLITICAL POSITION: Refer to the above

EDUCATION LEVEL: Life experience. (He was a knight. Cannon fodder.)

FAMILY.

FATHER: Yes; Dead

MOTHER: Yes; Dead

SIBLINGS: No

EXTENDED FAMILY: Probably

NAME MEANING(S): Vesevont is the made up version to his OC actual name, Vsevolod, which hilariously means ‘lord of everything/everybody’. It’s also a name that hasn’t been used in centuries so anyone with that name is looked at very weirdly irl.

HISTORICAL CONNECTION?: No.

FAVORITES.

BOOK: Particular towards fiction, because he likes happy endings.

MOVIE: If there were movies, rom-coms.

5 SONGS: He doesn’t really listen to music anymore

DEITY: Not currently

HOLIDAY: Maybe Starlight

MONTH: Doesn’t matter

SEASON: Spring

PLACE: The Ruby Sea

WEATHER: Warm and sunny

SOUND: The ocean, the breaking-the-sound-barrier sound Sihl makes when flying

SCENT(S): Fresh cut flowers

TASTE(S): Savory, spicy, chocolatey

FEEL(S): Warm hands on his icicle hands.

ANIMAL(S): Again, sharks

NUMBER: 13. A baker’s dozen

COLORS: Yellow

EXTRA.

TALENTS: Destroying property, taste-testing, withstanding harsh environments

BAD AT: Acting normal and well integrated into society, social anything

TURN ONS: Intelligence, Kindness, Snappy Wits and Sarcasm, Prim and Proper

TURN OFFS: Cruelty, Unforgiving..ness, All Out Bad

HOBBIES: Flying with Sihl and exploring, sometimes people-watching

TROPES: Anime-Reactions, Dopey Dad, Seems to Survive Everything

AESTHETIC TAGS: Birds, the sky, flying, the sun, dragons happy, uplifting and airy

GPOY  QUOTES: "Uh oh.”

FC INFO. (I dont know what ANY of this means.)

MAIN FC(S): 

ALT FC(S): 

OLDER FC(S):

YOUNGER FC(S): 

VOICE CLAIM(S): WS!Cap definitely was lip-syncing Ronan Harris’ voice due to the sheer multitude of VNV songs that were part of his character. But Ves specifically?? I imagine something probably deeper and more rough but I haven’t heard anything I liked in particular yet.

GENDERBENT FC(S): 

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1: IF YOU COULD WRITE YOUR CHARACTER YOUR WAY IN THEIR OWN MOVIE, WHAT WOULD IT BE CALLED, WHAT STYLE WOULD IT BE FILMED IN, AND WHAT WOULD IT BE ABOUT?:

If it were up to me, the movie would be emulating a war movie in style, with muted and often cold colors and much darker themes and tones. Occasionally there’d be bursts of color or uplifting scenes to remind everyone that people are still human and contrast all the darker stuff, so a balance between the two. 

That’d be the most important part of it for me personally. Many references to all sorts of symbolism, though not too heavy-handed with it, allegories, metaphors, etc. To explore the spectrum of the ...for lack of better term, human condition.

Q2: WHAT WOULD THEIR SOUNDTRACK / SCORE SOUND LIKE?:

Completely orchestrated, done in a romantic style so that, in case someone weren’t watching the movie itself, they could simply listen to the music and imagine their own scene to it as the composition of said songs would ...in a perfect world, be very specifically tailored to fit certain sequences of emotion and whatnot.

And of course some violin/piano duet pieces sprinkled here and there.

Q3: WHY DID YOU START WRITING THIS CHARACTER?:

Ves is just one version of an old OC I’ve had for a long, long time. Maybe eight or so years. Give or take. He’s got several different iterations thus far.

Q4: WHAT FIRST ATTRACTED YOU TO THIS CHARACTER?:

My love for war movies and such to be honest. Along with my insane fascination and interest in historical narratives and European warfare and the like. Typically, Ves’ character is usually pulling all sorts of things from WW1 from fashion to mannerisms, and his whole world is constructed to emulate that as well (though, not set on Earth.) Not the FFXIV version of course because Ishgard is there, but other versions of him such as WS and his original counterpart.

Q5: DESCRIBE THE BIGGEST THING YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOUR MUSE:

If I had to pick the largest thing I have against him (and I mean this character in general, not specifically FFXIV,) it’s the need for historical accuracy in most cases. I’m a die-hard for things like that and spend a lot of time doing research (usually just for fun but I get carried away easily.) Considering reference material isn’t always the easiest to find for really specific things from a time period that old, it becomes frustrating VERY quickly when I don’t feel I’m portraying him ‘authentically’ enough.

Elsewise, as far as his personality goes, he’s just like any dad. The need to always be right drives me absolutely insane. The good thing about him though is that he’s fictional and I can make him change and grow and learn. >:) Now that’s what I call sexy.

Q6: WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN COMMON WITH YOUR MUSE?:

We both love to eat and eat way too much too often and yet are like twigs. And we’re too particular about certain things.

I dunno, your characters technically are just facets of you.

Q7: HOW DOES YOUR MUSE FEEL ABOUT YOU?:

He’d be extremely annoyed but I don’t think he’d do anything about it. I am but a CHILDE.

Q8: WHAT CHARACTERS DOES YOUR MUSE HAVE INTERESTING INTERACTIONS WITH?

Thus far? There’s Lowrey who won’t leave him alone and is always trying to wrangle Ves in like a bucking horse, and they’re VERY entertaining to watch with their weird and aggressive banter (on Ves’ part anyway, he can’t stand the guy. Lowrey just rolls with the punches with a big grin and keeps on pushing. Ves is gonna clobber him one of these days for real this time. For REAL this time.)

And then there’s Ves and Caudecus’ very polarizing and almost jarring but still extremely funny interactions with one another. They’re roommates right now so, typical roommate shenanigans, laugh track plays here. There’s something sinister hidden underneath it all and I think Caud may just get a laugh out of stabbing Ves verbally, which is also something I enjoy laying witness to.

And of course, Mei and Ves. He has NO idea who she is, he just kind of met her out there in the wilderness I suspect and thought she was weird, but she’s very fun and loves to go exploring and flying too and that’s something he can relate to. Plus Mei displays a very clear sense of justice and that is something he appreciates VERY much. She’s just whacky and weird and a mystery but he likes it and doesn’t know why. It’s probably all the pink.

Q9: WHAT GIVES YOU INSPIRATION TO WRITE YOUR MUSE?:

Anime stuff probably, war stuff. I dunno, depends on my mood for the day. I don’t need inspiration, my characters are just on a roulette wheel. Which one do I feel like using today.

Q10: HOW LONG DID THIS TAKE YOU TO COMPLETE?:

About an hour, but I had to constantly rephrase things that didn’t make sense.

[slugmanslime]

I’ll Tell You What I Want! (Ch. 1)

hey guys its late im so SO tired but i sat down and wrote this bc its been on my mind all day tell me what you think im exhausted i love you all  this is a fairytale AU, based loosely off of Rumpelstiltskin, so just bear that in mind 

EDIT: I am reposting this because I changed a crucial point of the storyline and I think it is way better now.

Pairings: Bog King/Marianne, Dawn/Sunny Warnings: Eventual Infidelity, Violence, Possible Smut, Heartbreak, Bog is a bitter Magic Hoe Word Count: 2660 Chapter: 1 / ???

The kingdom of Hearthmark was sprawling, dotted with villages, markets, valleys and meadows as far as the eye can see. For a millenium, the Fallow family had ruled Hearthmark with a gentle and knowing hand, negotiating their way out of wars and arbitrating expansive treaties that brought harmony to the kingdom, and fruitful years of trade to the markets. Heathmark’s economy flourished, the kingdom expanded, and the people thrived under King Dagda and Queen Carmen’s rule. The citizens of Heathmark lived in harmony with each other, harvesting their plentiful crops as they kept each other company year in and year out as life was plentiful and plain and happy.

Bog hated plentiful and plain and happy.

Bog King, Bog of the Black Oak, sorcerer and heir to a legend, was one of the only denizen’s of the Dark Forest encompassed the perimeter of Hearthmark that acted as a natural border between the gentle people, the supernatural, and the burdens of warm and unrest roiling in other countries. The gloomy woods were filled with fascinating but often dangerous mythical creatures that would prefer not to be disturbed, Bog being one of them. Once upon a time, Bog’s parents were seen as useful to the kingdom, and his mother Griselda, along with him and his father, lived a comfortable life in service of the crown. But those years were long gone, as was his father, taken too soon by an illness that not even Griselda the Great could cure. Bog’s mother, a powerful witch with a secretly kind heart, was his only constant company now, something that he couldn’t help but appreciate and yet he loathed, especially at times such as this.

“Bog, deary, you realize that the winter solstice is tomorrow? You really oughta check the hens, you know how they despise the cold!” Griselda’s voice grated through his thoughts, stirring him away from the shelf of ingredients he was organizing. She herself was busy  clucking around their little cottage, dusting and folding articles of light clothing away into an empty closet. She was busy preparing them for the coming winter storms, and had spent the past two weeks jarring vegetables, patching thick coats and pants, and ensuring that their chickens and goats were well prepared for the weather. Not to be left out, Bog was there to do her heavy lifting and any other menial task he could be cowed into. Heaving a great sigh, Bog gathered his coat and shrugged it on, snatching a basket from beside the doorway when a flurry of sudden knocks stopped the pair in their tracks. Bog paused and glanced over his shoulder to meet Griselda’s curious stare, before the knocking interrupted them once more, sounding increasingly urgent.

A visitor… in the Dark Forest? A visitor? Travelling through this kind of weather? These questions and more bounced around his head as he dropped the basket and opted for the enchanted staff he kept by the door for protection.

With his guard up, Bog unlatched the door, revealing the most petite, anxious, and beautiful young woman he had ever laid eyes on. Perhaps that was speaking too rashly, but then again, Bog didn't have much experience with the outside world. The young women dropped her fist to her side limply, clearly unsure of her intentions after being met with such an imposing figure. They engaged in a staring contest, challenging and questioning in the same moment. The young lady was obviously bundled against the cold but carried nothing with her but a small satchel, speaking to her confidence that she could make this trip a short one.

Removing the small cap she had donned for the trip, the visitor gazed at him with a look brimming with excitement tempered by uncertainty, causing him to quirk an unruly brow. A halo of chocolate curls framed her face in cute pixie licks, with searching hazel eyes framed in long lashes stabbing him straight through his chest with the intensity that they trained on him. The lovely stranger was dressed in finely tailored traveler’s clothes and thick boots absolutely caked with snow, speaking to her wealth and making the sorcerer even more curious about what she possibly thought to gain by making a dangerous trip out here.It was the dead of night now, and it had been snowing since dawn.

Bog swallowed thickly, forcing himself to read into a situation that he had seen one to many times. She was a lovely thing, and they were known to be skilled with magic. Why else would someone as fragile and important as herself journey to their home, unless it was with a request for their services? A scowl of disappointment colored his features and he regarded her in a manner that mirrored the chilly weather she had just traversed.

“Aye, traveller, don’ go knockin down me door now. Winter approaches swiftly. Ye must be lost, so far from the Hearth.” Tall and broad Bog leaned against his staff in the doorway, exuding contempt and trying to appear bored. His figure was lean from tending to their crops and livestock, and he towered over the petite woman shivering before him.

“Sir, please… I’m not lost, if you would tell me your name. I am Marianne Fallow… Crown Princess of Hearthmark. I come with an urgent request… please, hear me.” Having finally revealed herself, Marianne pressed her hands together against her chest breathlessly. She carried an aura with her, one of strength but innocence, as if she sought out the best in people. Her eyes were clear and bright, full of good intentions without the life experience to judge them. It nearly made Bog sick to his stomach. Before he could turn her away, his mother’s voice drifted from inside.

“Bog, who is it? Don’t just stand there, it’s cold as all get out, bring them inside!”

The already-exhausted sorcerer growled in frustration but after one last tense moment of silence, he took a step back and motion for her to enter. “Please, do come in.” Of course, while it might have been phrased nicely, the implorement was dripping with sarcasm. Marianne eyes flashed with something hot but she only warred with herself for a moment before schooling her expression into something polite and appreciative as she crept inside the cottage.

Griselda did a double take when she saw the princess and nearly tripped over herself trying to make introductions. The witch was tiny, withered with age, but that did nothing to curb her enthusiasm at having someone as pretty and tough as Marianne in her home. How hard it was to play matchmaker when her son insisted they hole themselves up out here in these god-forsaken woods! Grinning widely, she took Marianne’s hand and drew her closer to the fireplace as she drenched her in a torrent of conversation.

“Oh goodness me, deary, you must be frozen to the core a delicate little thing like you out in this cold! Come by the fire, let’s get you warmed up. Are you hungry deary, I’ve got a delicious stew on right now, it’ll be done here in just a few minutes. Where are you from, what brings you here at this time of year, oooh it must be something important, I know it! Haven’t you--”

“MAM. The lady can’t get a word in edgewise with all yer yammerin’. Let her speak, please.” Bog had taken residence against the door, his back pressed to it with slender arms crossed over his chest. The staff stood at his side like a loyal guard, ready for action at any moment. Dark ebony locks, a curious shade between tawny and black, curled upon his head like a crown of thorns while sharp blue eyes reminiscent of a clear sky in summer burned a hole through his (unwanted) guest. Marianne was bewitched for a moment, taken aback by just how young and… strong, this legendary sorcerer was. She took a deep breath to collect her thoughts, forcefully tearing her eyes away from his in an attempt to gather courage, and she spoke.

“Bog… as in Bog of the Black Oak?” Marianne had to ask without looking, lest she lose her train of thought again, and instead turned her eyes on his mother. “And his sorceress mother, Griselda the Great?”

They had very different reactions, with Bog hissing in disdain and Griselda preening under Marianne’s curiosity. Hoisting himself off of the door, Bog stalked between the two women over to the fire and crouched to add another log. Distrust drew his body taught, and it grated on his nerves to have his back to this stranger. With every word she spoke, his assumptions were proved right, and boy did that put him in a bad mood. He was so young when he left Hearthmark (relatively speaking) that he found it hard to remember what a sense of community felt like, what friendship and comradery felt like.  Griselda was privy enough to her son’s attitude’s to know that he was upset, and she placed her other hand on his shoulder. Bog seemed to visibly relax, if only minutely, and Marianne watched the exchange quietly. This Bog man, he was not very similar to the stories she had heard as a child. The firelight softened the harsh edge of his cheekbones and jaw, making him look almost afraid. This couldn’t be the man so hungry for power that he was banished to the Dark Forest…  

“I come to… request your services. Your feats are that of legend and I am humbled that you invited me into your home… Thank you very much for your kindness.” Marianne smiled softly, squeezing the hand that Griselda still held.

“My courage fails me, it seems. I have fallen in love with the man of my dreams, but I can’t seem to find my words when I’m around him, he is far too charming! Roland is a knight in service of my father, and is loved dearly by our subjects… myself included.” She took a moment and blushed very prettily as she looked for the proper words to convey her desire. “I would just hope that you might help me win his heart. Anything that you ask of me in return, you may have it.”

Griselda pondered Marianne’s request silently, glancing between the princess and her son, who was regarding the fire with a stony expression. The princess claimed to be in love, but it sounded more like infatuation to her. Not to mention… love potions were the reason that she and her son were here in the first place.

Bog clenched and unclenched his fists while the cogs in his brain turned. How could it be that a princess, especially one as lovely and forthcoming as her, could not win the love of someone, knight or not? Marianne was obviously kind if she would thank two strangers for keeping her warm even if they did it begrudgingly; she had to care a great deal for this knight as well if she was here, alone, in this weather. And yet, anything that they asked… in return for a love potion? A small but very bitter part of Bog’s heart thrummed at the thought, and paused to pick his words carefully before turning to the princess. The sorcerer stayed crouched, the shadows shifting on his face making him appear otherworldly and gaunt; Marianne’s breath caught in her throat at the sight of him.

“You said anything, princess, is that what ye meant?” His eyes bored into hers with almost hypnotic amounts of energy. Marianne felt a wave of unease course through her but she stood her ground, nodding when her words failed her.

“There is a potion that I can craft, somethin’ guaranteed to win this knight’s… affection. I will teach ye how to use it. When yer lover is exposed to it’s magic, it’s nigh impossible fer them to not fall in love with the first person they see.” Bog stood, the flames returning its previously hoarded light to the cottage. “However… everythin’ comes at a price, me lady.” A wicked grin lit up his features, sharpening his electric blue stare that seemed to paralyze and terrorize Marianne for a moment.

“By using this potion, the one person ye hold closest to yer heart will be stripped of their ability to find love. Oh, aye, they will love their family, their friends, but…” Bog’s smile faded, a haunted look of sadness brushing over his features. “When someone falls in love with them, they cannot requite it, no matter how much they might want to. They will be damned to a life of fleeting, meaningless romance, leaving a string of broken hearts behind them as they suffer from an emptiness they cannot name nor fight.”

His monologue made her heart squeeze and her blood run cold. Marianne was stunned that someone could request something so utterly heartless, but an image of Roland rose unbidden in her mind’s eye. Gods above, he was so perfect; his smile, his golden hair, the way that he carried himself with such pride and confidence. A perfect romance in exchange for a loveless life for the person she cared most about? How could Marianne agree to something so heinous? Selfish… that’s what this goal was. Marianne would be queen one day-- is this something that she could live with on top of the stressors of managing a kingdom.

There was only one person this could affect… She let out a shuddering sigh, dropping her head and cradling it with her hands. There was no way… Dawn was such a bubbly, gorgeous person. If it was the last thing that she did, Marianne would make sure that Dawn could find someone to spend her life with.

Bog could see her resolve faltering and aimed to encourage her previously line of thinking. Griselda was… quiet for once; he did not dwell on that fact for very long. “Marianne… ye love Roland, donch ye? Yah know that the two of ye can be so happy… if yah just say yes.” That almost made Griselda peep-- this was going too far! She knew that Bog had been hurt before but this was something truly terrible. She kept her mouth firmly shut, thinking hard about the situation. Yes… yes, she could remedy this. Love is a tricky game, but one that she knew how to play well.

Marianne steeled herself and lifted her head, standing with her back ramrod straight anf fists clenched at her side. “Let me make this clear… You will make me a love potion, one guaranteed to work on Roland. But once I use it… the one dearest to me will never find love again?” Her heart was in her throat, and speaking the words around it was painful.

“Aye, Princess, that’d be the gist. So… what say ye?” Bog stood directly before her, offering his hand for a pact.

Marianne studied him for a moment, trying to clear her mind and buy herself some time. Bog of the Black Oak was not very sociable, but had enough wits about him to keep his manners in company. He did not take kindly to strangers, but still opened his home to her. Bog was stiff and uncertain when near her, as if he was not used to being close to people, or having friendly conversations. He was very different from his mother, who was endearing and lively even in her old age. Despite having very little experience with magic, the princess had a sense of naive confidence that she could make this deal work to her advantage. She couldn’t admit to herself that she was afraid, but pressured, having come so far and being unwilling to leave empty handed.

Marianne calmly placed her gloved hand in his grip, squeezing as they shook.

Dawn, please forgive me. I promise to make this right.

“Bog of the Black Oak… we have a deal.”

[oosteven-universe]

Nobody Is In Control #03

Nobody Is In Control #03 Black Mask Studios 2019 Written by Patrick Kindlon Illustrated by Paul Tucker Hand Lettered by Wallace Ryan     The conspiracy grows to include pornographic manga, America's 1980s fixation on ninjas and, of course, children's books featuring a lovable family of bears. Richard is in deep, and by the end of this issue there may be no way out. It has been a while since the last issue and I have to say how surprised I was with the fact that I felt as if no time had passed at all. I am also thrilled beyond belief that Black Mask has got books on the shelves again. So here we are face to face a couple of silver spoons, hopin' to find we're two of a kind, making a go, making grow, Together ..wow okay not really sure where this came from but that's okay. I am in a good place right now and that's because of this book right here.     Patrick is kind of a mad genius. Not the kind who you'd want to have building anything except for stories that is. He could tell me stories till the end of time if they are going to be a lot like this and what he's done in the recent past. I have absolutely no clue to what's really going on here and honestly I don't much care. Watching these two get deeper and deeper into the woods and into whatever mad drug fuelled what trip this triggered assassin is on with this story is incredibly fascinating. The bonds of friendship that are forming, despite both of their best efforts for the contrary, are beautifully done. There is this unexpected frank honesty in the dialogue between them and I find myself drawn to it and into it.     The story & plot development that we see through the sequence of events unfolding as well how the reader learns information is just brilliantly done. To see them talk, run, evade, encounter obstacles along their journey is beyond anything I could have hoped to see. That all this ties into the character development is phenomenal to see. We learn so much about each of them as they talk and go through their really has a stark quality to it that feels like it could be me and my friends talking to each other. The sarcasm, the insults and the back and forth without missing a beat this is the real world stuff. With the pacing factored in this reads like a dream as the ebb & flow is just amazing. The way this book is structured and how the reader perceives what is happening really is brilliantly done.     I am super impressed with the interiors here. There are style changes without notice which ties into the story beautifully. The linework is nice and strong yet retains the ability to really bring out this attention to detail that captures the eye. I love the way we see the page layouts being utilised as they have a different approach to them and then how the composition inside the panels occur within all the different sections is utterly brilliantly rendered as well. Paul has a masterful eye for storytelling here and how utilises the backgrounds and creates this depth perception, scale and a size and scope for the story is perfectly done. The way we see colour utilised is damn brilliant as well. From the black and white and various styles and techniques that are being utilised make the visuals as powerful as the story itself. ​     I am not only impressed with the fact the moment we start reading this we remember everything from the first two issues but by the fact that this issue is what it is. This is incredibly powerfully written and dynamically illustrated and as impressive as that is the lettering deserves it's own shout out as well since he too goes through the various stages with different styles he does. Everything within these pages makes you happy in so many ways that you have to experience it for yourself.

[marcelleresurrects-blog]

Task 4

1.       Describe yourself in a few words. Gorgeous, confident, sarcastic, no time for your bull, cynical.

2.       What are your major flaws? Probably a lack of tact and time for garbage. I would rather be working than dealing with bull. If you aren’t gonna make intelligent points, don’t bother with me, I don’t have time. Possibly it’s a flaw that I refuse to censor myself, too. I used to put more effort into doing so with some degree of charm, but I’ll admit that’s faded now that I’m out of the limelight. I’m getting too sarcastic, but it’s more fun than dealing with your bull, so.

3.       What would you give your life for? The good of mankind. Not really. If someone said something incredibly ignorant, I’d trade my life for the knowledge that they’re going to suffer for the rest of theirs.

4.       What is your greatest asset? I would say that my greatest asset is my refusal to have things be so simple as handed to me. I will fight or work for what I want, and I don’t want your charity, pity, or privilege.

5.       What would completely break you? Probably hearing that my power’s actually a hallucination and the entire past eleven years have been an elaborate ruse to cover up the fact that my mom did actually die in The Accident and I’ve just created this gigantic hallucination to overcome the guilt that would come with that.

6.       How does the image you try to project differ from the image you actually project? I don’t really care how people see me, so I don’t put a lot of effort into some farce. I shoot for sarcastic, committed, and passionate, and I quite often get my point across.

7.       What are you afraid of? Mortality, obviously. Wouldn’t that explain my power? No, I fear complacency. Complacency breeds idleness breeds boredom breeds mistakes and regrets.

8.       Where would you fall on a politeness/rudeness scale? That would depend entirely upon your perspective, don’t you think? There are a host of interviewers who’d not be able to answer either, don’t feel bad. Some people just don’t understand sarcasm.

9.       If you could choose a different identity, who would you pick? Literally anyone who wasn’t raised in the spotlight. I would have appreciated a childhood where it was possible to go to a swim meet without worrying about being photographed and plastered all over People.

10.   In what or whom is your greatest faith in? The American media, obviously, because they’ve been absolutely infallible in the past. I am the one person in my life I depend on, thanks. Though I find Adaline is fairly reliable, too.

11.   What was the best thing in your life? Supportive parents. They might have been busy constantly and caused a life of complaining, but they meant well, and I don’t have the right to demand they give up their dreams. Good on them for achieving them, I suppose. And even better on them for not resenting me for being myself.

12.   What was the worst thing in your life? Not knowing whether people are after  you for genuine interest or for some dose of starstruck idolisation is possibly the loneliest sensation I will ever experience.

13.   What is your biggest nightmare? Article after article and photograph after photograph being released of proof of my ability to resurrect. I’m fascinated with it and I accept what I can do, don’t get me wrong. But if the media got a hold of it? Imagine the death of my privacy. Even more so than usual.

14.   What seemingly insignificant memories stuck with you? I was eight, turning nine, and this new guy at school befriended me. I was fine with it. I don’t really care about gender, do what you want, you know? Screw preconceived notions of gender identity. I was out with him one day – we were at this park – and this damned paparazzi gets a photo. The guy is – well, he’s not surprised, but he looks around, he’d been caught off guard by the flash. He said – ha – “my sister will kill me if I end up in a magazine before she does.” My reaction – hehe – I, I walked up to the paparazzi and I asked to see the photo, all faux innocence. It was this really bulky Canon EOS, I think. I remember the things were expensive – this was twenty years ago, mind you. Bulky was in. Anyway. I took the roll of film out of the camera and when he tried to get it off me, I tossed it in the fountain. It would’ve wrecked the negatives. And when he started yelling at me about spoiled brats taking what wasn’t there’s and having no respect for property, I just smiled at him and told him that’s what you risked if you took photos without permission. Anyway, that was the first time I ever told someone off for doing something I disagreed with.

15.   What is your secret wish? Hm. I used to wish I was born male. The media’s obsession with sexuality is less slanderous with men than with women, and never did I notice misogyny and sexism more than while I was a teen. Especially after that bitch outed me.

16.   What is your greatest achievement? I got into Columbia on my own merit. Even without the whole “congrats, your family is rich” side of things, I got in. I was going to go into Engineering. It’s what we were out celebrating the night of The Accident.

17.   What is your deepest regret? Probably not being faster at finding my feet after I got sent to Grimstone. I obsessed over the whole resurrection thing for years. Perks of being someone who learns through demonstration and doing, I suppose. Once I stopped, there was no point putting the effort into a professional thing, so I worked towards being a guard instead. And here I am.

18.   What is your deepest disappointment? My first boyfriend, Todd, sold a picture of me to the press. I can’t remember what it was, nothing scandalous – a casual outfit or something. I didn’t with the idea I’d be photographed that day in mind, I suppose. Anyway, first boyfriend. He sold a photograph of me to the press for $60 and when I called him out on it, his defence was that he needed cash to pay for all the ‘date things’ he was doing ‘for me’. The most he spent on me was maybe ten dollars at McDonalds, so. He was a cheapskate and a jerk. I guess I had faith in humanity up to that point. But my dating experience only got somehow worse after him, so. Way to set the scene, I suppose.

19.   What are you reluctant to tell people? The depth of my caring about personal issues. From about age ten I was a helluvan advocate for a whole bunch of issues, but no one’s going to look at me and guess that I’m actually hurt that my parents don’t bother with family week. They’re always too busy – it’s not their fault the event falls in filming season every year. Or that the one year they did have time, they’d just adopted a baby. Whatever, I’m not opening up about personal things when people are only as reliable as their bribe point is low.

[loose-leaf-teacanons]

mayuaka for the otp questions.

1. Who liked the other first?

*snerk* Akashi, though I doubt he realizes or even conceives of it in terms of attraction. Not to mention his “like” is kind of different from what most people consider “like” to be, well, like. Basically, he has two modes: “I benevolently tolerate your existence with a peculiar sense of fondness not entirely like but also not unlike that reserved for my pet horse”, and “you are a fascinating human conundrum, would you mind terribly if I signed you up for cranial surgery so I can take a look at the workings of your brain?”

Unfortunately for Mayuzumi, he managed to slide right past Category A and into Category B simply by virtue of the peculiar way his lack of fucks are given. He’ll show up to practice and follow instructions, but he’ll do it with the air of a vaguely disdainful cat (if disdain didn’t require 2.5 fucks more than Mayuzumi feels like spending on, well, anyone), and Akashi has never met anyone who so consistently rebuffs his attempts to be sociable with such creativity.

It’s fun. The “I’m not paying attention to you” game is fun. The “oh, fancy seeing you here” game is even more fun. The “I am pulling rank on you to force you into a two-mile radius of me just so you can tell me to fuck off when I try” game is the most fun. His sarcasm detector has markedly improved. He has begun to quite enjoy the strange genre known as “magical girl” novels. Truly, this is a fruitful relationship.

Mayuzumi, for his part, just doesn’t like anyone. He decided sometime around age eight or so (for no particular reason) that liking people was a colossal waste of time, and pretending to like people was an even more colossal waste of time, so he just stopped doing both.

He is unsure why the creepy little fucker known as Akashi Seijuurou refuses to get the hint that no, there’s nothing to see here, and even if there were, I don’t feel like hanging out with you so kindly piss off, please and thank you, or why telling him so makes the hellspawn-in-training light up like it’s Christmas seriously what the fuck.

(The thing is, if you look really, really, really, really closely, you can sometimes catch him not entirely loathing every second spent in a two-mile radius of Akashi, maybe even experience faint flashes of appreciation when Akashi actually starts developing the beginnings of a snark module, but acknowledging this would damage the integrity of the Containment Field of “Meh”, so he does not do it.)

2. Where is their ‘special spot’?

Mayuzumi has plenty of special spots, but the problem is Akashi keeps finding them what the hell did you put a GPS tracker on me or something.

(“I’m surprised it took you this long to realize, Mayuzumi-san,” says the supercilious little shit with a quirk of an eyebrow, and Mayuzumi just barely catches himself from making an instinctual grab for his phone to check.

“…now you’re just fucking with me, aren’t you.” It comes out flat, a statement of certainty when, in fact, Mayuzumi is going to go home and take his fucking phone apart until he’s sure.

“Indeed I am, Mayuzumi-san.” And the little bastard beams.)

3. How do they cheer one another up?

Ah. Aha. Ahahaha oh god no. I believe I already said something to this effect on another post, but the only way they’ll even be in a position to see the other upset is if they accidentally walked in on them in the middle of some kind of crisis, and that is just all kinds of uncomfortable for both of them because it’s sort of like seeing your nemesis getting beaten by someone not you. The only thing to do – the gracious thing to do – is retreat and pretend you didn’t see what you saw, and just carry on as usual.

4. What is their favourite movie to watch together?

As the piyos have proven, Akashi would be an absolute pain to watch movies with (doesn’t get comedy, sees no value in relationship movies, can tell you all the ways in which the book about X historical movie was more accurate, keeps pointing out the illogicality of horror movies, and guesses the culprit of any mystery movie or thriller five seconds after the opening credits or something thereabout).

This, paradoxically, makes Mayuzumi an ideal movie partner for him, because all Mayuzumi watches is moe anime, and that is a genre Akashi didn’t even know existed until that point, and it makes no sense (why do they have to transform? why don’t the villains recognize them instantly? all they did was change their clothes! love and dreams are NO substitutes for strategy! and in the name of all that is good and holy, why is that girl in love with a magical hamster???!)

Mayuzumi is far more entertained by this than he would like or even care to admit – at least until Akashi starts debating with him about the symbolism of Puella Magi Madoka (sort of like this, except Akashi is more like someone delivering a profit analysis at a business meeting and it is all perfectly obvious, Mayuzumi-san, given the themes of episodes 5 and 8, as well as the subtextual implications of episode 11––)

5. When did they know that they are each other’s soul mate?

Oh my god no. XD Just… just no.

6. Where do they primarily kiss one another out in public? Examples forehead, cheek, hand etc

Nope 2: The Nopening.

7. Who goes all out for the other persons birthday?

Well, there was that one time Mayuzumi gave Akashi a box…

8. Who’s clothes is too big for the other, but they wear them anyway?

Good Lord, No: The Movie. Unless you count Akashi subconsciously starting to dress like a Love Live character. I’m not even joking.

9. Who is the one who stays up late baking brownies and dancing in their underwear wearing a baggy shirt, and who is the one who comes down to see the other being all cute?

Nope 3: The Return. (Though seriously, the sheer mental gymnastics of imagining either of them doing this sort of thing with anyone aside, I still think this idea is weird and more resembles some Hollywood exec’s idea of what counts as “cute” than something people would generally do).

10. Would they cuddle even though it is super hot outside?

I’m sorry, they’ve just greenlit Nope 4: The Search for More Nope. XD

All kidding aside, though, I can’t see their relationship that way. Plenty of people will probably disagree with me on that, but what attracted me to this ship is how weird they both are, as individual characters and as a dynamic. Akashi seems to genuinely delight in having someone to bat at like an easily entertained house cat, and Mayuzumi does seem to take every opportunity to tell him off but very rarely puts up more resistance than that, and for such a prickly, “I couldn’t give less of a fuck” character, that’s an interesting behavior, to say the least. 

Suffice it to say, I think they’re both perfectly happy being jerks to each other with no reservations for a very long time. (Mayuyu will deny it till he is blue in the face, though. It’s a matter of principle.)

[joshdan20]

Terms and Conditions 7.3

After blowing it, I knocked three times. “Get it, please!”

I open the door and silence hits me. By closing the door, I can see Mr. Rowards stand up, behind the blinds’ widows. On his desktop, there are sheets, one Rubik’s Cube, a Greek statue and a kind of pendulum which balls don’t stop knocking together. Weird decor, but to each their own.

Well, what do I do now? I sit? I wait, standing up? Since the boss doesn’t seem to move, it would be better to sit down…

“One moment please, don’t sit now…” I stopped dead by his honeyed voice. “I would look at you closely.”

By leaving blinds’ widow, he turns over and came towards me. If I can describe him, he has red-fire and golden feathers, a curved beak and his face are marked on his wrinkles. You’re wondering how I describe him so correctly? Well, let’s say, not only he came towards me, but now, he turns around me, while scrutinize my body, downwards. Man, I’m as stiff as a post, I was so nervous.

“Don’t worry, I will not bite you… Well, well!... I like what I see… I have a feeling you will do great things, Mr. Furo.”

“Yes, if you tell…” I replied, confused.

“Forgive my inquisitiveness, but I like to watch people than I’m working with… There’s nothing wrong with this, isn’t it?”

“N-n-no, not at all. You’re the boss anyway.” I assured on the same way.

“Yes, whatever… uh-huh… it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Furo.” He greeted me, by holding out his hand.

“Indeed, mister, I think.” I returned him, by shaking his hand straight away.

From the look in his eyes, I could say he’s confident and determinate with my coming. This man’s headstrong, I can smell it. So, I really need to calm my nerves otherwise it will be really a ball-up and more than a little.

“Now we have all met, I invite you to sit down, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“Yes, very well.” I complied immediately.

Oh, the real business is starting now. Then, let us not screw up, let us not give in. While his pendulum keeps his constant jingle, I’m waiting for him.

“Well, to pretend it’s a common interview, I will ask some questions about your experience. And, in return, I will answer all your questions about the vacant post. It works?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Great, let’s begin.”

Now, I see him a notebook and a pen. Amazing, it’s clear he’ll take notes. We really need to find a way to sell myself. No problem, I’m hot. I really need this job, whatever it is.

“Well, can I have your résumé please?”

“Yes, here is it.”

Here, I know it was a good idea to take some papers with me. The bird took really his time to read all paragraphs of the paper. It’s good to know, because I sweated to write it.

“Then, based on what I could see… you’ve accumulated so many jobs, I could almost say you’ve done everything. It’s quite impressive. And all of this, I noticed you’ve been a model for one year. On this, I’d like to ask the following question: why aren’t you anymore?”

Ah yes, it’s true, I could mention this small detail, but it’s not very interesting. So, let’s dwell on that.

“Well, at the roof, I didn’t think to be a model, but my circle who made me do it. And given that I had the suitable physique and it paid well, I didn’t complain about this. After, it wasn’t rewarding as a post. In result, I had continued until my engagement came to an end… And here is the outline.”

“Okay, I see.”

And he continued to write in his notebook. Alright, don’t let you disturb and keep going.

“Now, tell me what your definition of the perfect job is.”

Well, it’s clear, he wants to see my frankness. Although the question is open, I already had a strong idea of the answer.

“To put it simply, it should be well-paid, pleasant to do and have reasonable hours… But if I can learn something and bring something to people in return, it should be really a plus. Because if a work can’t be instructive on both sides, it’s not worth it, no?”

“Of course, I see what you mean.”

“I apologize in advance if I’m too much…”

“No, don’t make excuses, Mr. Furo. On the contrary, I like a lot your frankness. Now, tell me… why I should offer you this post?”

“I’m a fast learner and this, whatever the task… Because I always want to learn and do my best. If we don’t learn, we don’t evolve and consequently, we don’t change. Do you understand?”

“Yes, absolutely. Well, I will stop here.”

“WHAT? I mean… sorry? Are you sure that only three questions will be sufficient?”

“You know, each profile’s different and in your case, I won’t need more. So, don’t worry about this, I got all I need.”

“Alright.”

Fortunately, he is finished with his notebook. I don’t know why, but I’ve a feeling he was writing the worst craps about me. Listen, it’s just an impression. So, don’t let you distract.

“Now, it’s your turn. Well, I listen to you.”

“How many questions should I ask you?”

“As much as necessary. Go on, don’t be shy.”

“Okay, first at all… how did you find my address?”

“I got back to your old agency. And if you’re here today, it’s that you didn’t move on, am I wrong?”

“No, not at all.”

Alright, it’s a bit scary, but I guess it’s my fault. I should be more careful in the future.

“Well, Mr. Furo? I’ll wait for you.”

“Yes, well… This time, I’ll really get to the point. Honestly, Mr. Rowards, what is this work? What do you mean by “Husbando”?”

“In the modern language, this world means a male character (from cartoons, I think) who provokes a lot of reactions: affection, desire, conflict, obsession and the list go on. It’s why we called our service by this word, and thus, we employ men who meet specific criteria.”

“Alright, what kind of criteria?”

“Well, generally, our candidates are tall, young (around 20 and 30,) muscular, single, charming, bold and kindly. Cliché of the perfect man, do you see?”

“Yes, I see.”

Well, guys… I won’t lie to you, but all this doesn’t bode well. Somewhere, I know I should be delighted. But somewhere, when it needs these kinds of criteria to have a job, you know that shady things will come.

“If I understood correctly, you recruit men for offer some services. But what kind of services exactly?”

“Let’s see it as personal services.”

“But does not this job requires one specific formation, no?”

“Not here and that’s why this work is special.”

Oh man, troubles are coming.

“Sorry if I’m repetitive, but what kinds of services do you offer?”

“All kinds of services.”

“Wait, when you say “all”, you mean…”

“Yes, all kinds of services.”

“Really “all”?” I insisted.

“Yes, really all…” He did the same.

“Mister Rowards, do you understand…”

“Yes, I get the message. Well, let’s say it’s rather rare that it happens, but it depends on…”

“Oh, damn it.” I whispered, placing my hand over my face.

By seeing my reaction, he preferred to stop talking, and he’s quite right. Since the beginning, this guy wanted to tell me this post involves, for example, helping people with problems and satisfying perverts who want to… But no kidding? WE MAKE A FOOL OF ME!!

“Look, I understand you’re disgusted but…”

“I’m not disgusted! No, what I don’t understand here, it’s how this work can be legal. Do you even a license for this?” I asked, stunned.

“The company still exists for many years and our permit was always renewed until today.”

“Really? Great!” I mocked.

“Yes, indeed.” He simply said.

“That’s not really…”

“Mister Furo, I know what sarcasm looks like…” He responded, derisive.

Man, such a… No, Max, keep cool, don’t let your emotions get to you. Well, it’s a bit late to say it but whatever. In short, get it over it.

“Okay, if we leave aside… this “detail”, what is going to happen if, and when I accept this work?”

“Within a week, we’ll meet again, and I’ll tell you all you know about the first customer.”

“And err… how do you choose them, your clients?”

“We don’t have strong preference here. It’s why we’re focused on their age, gender, location and court file.”

“And until now, you didn’t encounter any problem?”

“Maybe some people dissatisfied but nothing more.”

“Yeah… Oddly, I’ve doubt.”

“Don’t worry, you don’t teach an old bird how to make faces.”

“I hope for you.” I whispered, spiteful.

“Of course, I say it. You don’t have an acute sense of hearing.” The director asserted sarcastically.

BUT GO F… Never mind, let’s drop it!

“Otherwise, is it possible for you to know beforehand asked services?”

“Not really. We can have some instructions but it’s the customer who know the most. So, it will be with him you must arrange.”

“And are requests numerous year-round?”

“Yes, and it’s not diminishing, hence the robust profile control.”

“Okay. And if I must move around, how would I do if I can’t afford it?”

“We can advance you transport costs.”

“Really? And might I pay you back?”

“No, you won’t have to. You know, we have so many donors, we reach millions almost every year.”

I didn’t pay attention to it, but this company is loaded. Guys, it’s crazy!

“I had intention to ask you that first… how much is this job paid?”

“$500 per month.” He announced in a neutral voice.

“PARDON?” I yelled before keeping it down. “Are you serious?” I questioned, still flabbergasted.

“Yes, very serious. And it excludes tips clients give you in addition.”

However, this pendulum’s annoying sound, I hear the slot machines in my head, saying I hit the jackpot. Now confusion’s gone, more and more reflections are coming from everywhere. What a headache!

“Mister Furo, I can feel all this information worry you. If you want to stop here, I will understand.”

“No, not yet. There’s one thing I can’t explain until now. How did men my age decide to take this work?” I questioned him, still troubled.

Without telling me, the bird gives me one thick album from his desk drawer. I was a little puzzled, but he encourages me, softly: “Come on. Have a look, if you please.” On the cover, we could read, written in gold: HUSBANDO YEARBOOK. Thus, under the impetus of the director, I begin to flip through it and all I saw staggered me.

Men of all types, all ages, all species, all shapes, all colors, all origins are listed for every year. Both fascinating and frightening. But, they’re all good-looking, we won’t lie.

By lingering over details, I heard Mr. Rowards tell me: “As you see, we have a catalog well stocked. You’re wondering why all these men accepted this job. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you because it’ll break director-employee confidentiality. But all I say, it’s each of them had their qualities, their faults, their ambitions, their fears… but each had a reason to sign up.”

Finally, I close the book and turn around the bird, who is waiting for me. And then, he resumed his speech: “Well, I’ve shown you what’s behind the door. At present, it’s for you to get the key to pass through it.”

“And if I refuse?”

“We’ll call the next candidate and so on, until one of them accepts the post.”

“How long do I have to take my decision?”

“You have one week. After the deadline, if we don’t have answers, we’ll move to the next candidate.”

Well, pointless to continue. For now, I know enough.

“On this, I don’t have any questions right now.” I confessed, all in.

“So, let us stop here. I thank you for giving me your time today.”

“Indeed, mister.”

“I don’t know if we’re going to meet again. It’s why I’ll say… goodbye.” Mr. Rowards took his leave of me.

“Well, goodbye… mister.”

Without waiting, I packed all my things and I left.

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[utrechtcentral]

David Harte of Utrecht

I was really honoured to have a conversation by email with Sport Utrecht nominee for Sportsman of the Year, SV Kampong and Ireland goalkeeper David Harte. David is from Kinsale, Cork in Ireland. He is an Olympian from the Rio 2016 Games and also captain of the Irish Men’s team. David is a European Bronze medallist and has twice been selected as the World’s Best Keeper. He has played professional club hockey for nine years, seven of those with our very own SV Kampong. David is a qualified P.E and Biology teacher and is currently studying for an MA in Sports Business. He is a member of the Olympic Federation of Ireland and European Olympic Council Athletes’ Commission. As a professional was it necessary to leave Ireland to play full time? Yes, due to hockey in Ireland being considered a minority sport. There are a number of countries in Europe and further abroad where you can earn a living from playing the sport I love! I see that you have played for clubs in Ireland and India. How different is each clubs culture compared to Kampong? There are many similarities between the clubs I have played for around the world. The main one being the identity behind competing for those clubs. The culture is one with a very family orientated nature with a proud history. A special feeling to have been a part of those clubs in Ireland, India and Malaysia and I am continuing to enjoy my time at SV Kampong. The main difference would be perhaps club loyalty. In Ireland you remained with clubs your whole life, while some have done so at Kampong a lot have also come and gone. Which country did you prefer? I see Ireland still as number one but the Netherlands as my home away from home. Saying that, in total I have spent over a year of my life in India through all the different tournaments and adventures thus far. Where is your favourite place in Utrecht? I would have to say the Wilhelminapark – especially on a scorching summer’s day. The atmosphere and diverse range of activities that go on in the park is fascinating. Does Utrecht inspire you? It sure does. Utrecht reminds me daily of the 22-year-old man who left home to pursue and unknown adventure in the Dutch Hoofdklasse. Leaving family and friends behind I am proud to see Utrecht as my home and so much that I am now living with my fiancé, Lyn, from Belfast in Utrecht for over 2 years. Utrecht has provided me with a new life full of possibilities and friendships that will remain eternal. It continually inspires me to be the best David Harte than I can be. What would be a perfect day in Utrecht for you? A bike ride through the Wilhelminapark then into the city. Lunch and a drink on a sunny terrace at one of the hustling and bustling city cafes with views of the Dom. Finished off by an evening boat journey with friends through the calming, picturesque canals. What is the main difference between the Irish and the Dutch? The directness of the Dutch! The Irish are a lot more considerate of others feelings - it is just in our nature. Do you miss anything about Ireland? The obvious things like family and friends but also the Irish sarcasm and humour, like no other in the world. Do you think there is a Dutch way of life? Absolutely! The Dutch way of life is very relaxed. An amazing work-life balance with children being an integral part of that. The Dutch love to explore and adventure and that is definitely evident from history. Do you think you fit in to the Dutch way of life? I struggled for the first few years until I understood how the country functions and of course how to speak and understand Dutch. I now find myself as an official resident of Utrecht even with a Dutch driving-license. Do you know many Irish expats in Utrecht or do you make friends with the Hockey community or the Dutch? I have met a lot of my friends through the hockey community which is quite big but have also made some through my time as a teacher in the International School of Utrecht. Do you think the Dutch could learn anything from the Irish? How to cook a good stew! Will you be staying in the Netherlands? That remains the big question. I am to get married in Utrecht in July of this year and will continue playing hockey for a number of more years, so we will take each year as it comes. There may be a decision to relocate once my hockey career has come to an end, but I am very open to remaining in the Netherlands too. Do you still want to teach? I have found myself veering away from the teaching side of my professional development. It is an amazing qualification to have and one you can carry with you anywhere in the world, so it is still something I am very fortunate to have completed. I chose a Masters in Sport Business, mainly due to my experiences of playing elite and professional sport for the last 10 years, to see after my playing career if I can remain involved in some official capacity. What would winning the award mean to you? To win the award would mean a great deal on many different levels. I would be very proud as a foreigner to win such a prestigious award and it would further reinforce my feeling of being at home in Utrecht. Secondly and more importantly it would be amazing to win the award to celebrate the incredible year our team, Kampong Heren 1, had in the 2017/2018 hockey season. If you would like to vote for David, check out the SportUtrecht page here. Read the full article

[pronetopronoia]

Mental Health Awareness

Alright. So mental health is a major issue in this country, like hello, it’s bad. Schizophrenia gets kind of the worst rap because it’s a pretty complex thing and it manifests a little differently dependent on the person. 

Most everyone knows of all the negative sides of mental illness, but I’m extremely optimistic so that���s how this post is going to shake out. 

Some people with schizophrenia use it as a way to educate others, that’s very cool. 

Students with Schizophrenia is an example of someone who is doing just that. 

Some people write articles in Psychology Today about it: Read this article by Allie Burke. Side note: Allie, I appreciate your experience. Mine’s just a little different. I was going to rip on this article but that would be extremely counterproductive.

Anyway...

Some people get into the arts.

Some people really excel in business or at their jobs.

Also, some people, and they very well could fall into one or all of the above examples I’ve just expressed above, take their fucking medicine, do their best, and just kind of ignore the weird shit that occurs. The weird shit is their perception. And then also, if they’re “lucky”, they have some super nice friends (sarcasm) who recognize it and think it’s funny (it’s annoying) to fuck with them.

Also, some people just recognize it and will say weird shit to you. Maybe they think it’s funny? I mean I guess it kind of is? For example, I had a 40-something woman come up to me at a show I went to recently who was really nice for the most part, she asked if I wanted to go hang out sometime at the Raccoon Motel after grilling me on if I was single or not. Yeah, totally, bitch! I don’t go there to pick up dudes though so do you want to go to The Office (the bar)? 

Anyway, she was really nice aside from a few comments, the last one being, “I hate people that smell bad.” then walked away. Then came right back when I noticed she had left. Then I proceeded to inch myself away: Ma’am, that was a bit of an overshare, but that’s cool. I’m not a huge fan of people that smell bad either. I have a really sensitive sense of smell. I’ve also experienced phantosmia (that sounds made up but it’s an actual thing, lol, unless you’re a Christian Scientist). Also, if you’re implying I smell bad, it’s probably your own phantosmia (go see someone) because I have impeccable hygiene due to my own super-sensitive sense of smell. If you’re implying I might be pregnant, I’m actually just still a little fat. I just lost a ton of weight, so maybe you should watch who the fuck you’re talking to. Would I say all this outloud? No. Not worth it. Just probably not going to hang out with that lady, which is a bummer, because she’d probably be fun to be friends with if she’d cool it with the comments like that. Should I have said, “OMG, you are so fun. Hey, I have this amazing eye cream you should use. Actually, it’s for the whole face. It clears up wrinkles really well and will help really restore that youthful glow.”? I mean I could have, but what’s the point? Also if she overshared that tidbit in an effort to get me to not want to hang out, why ask me about my personal life and then ask me to go to the bar in the first place?

Side note: Neuroticism is a really great way to cope with mental illness and/or people that are assholes. 

Anyway, back to people experiencing mental illness. Some “sane” people become fascinated with this “amazing and interesting person” they just found. If you fall into that category, unless you’re willing to be nice forever (or really take the time to get to know them and then have good intentions i.e. not fuck with them further), it’s best you get along now there doggy, a schizophrenic is too good for you. They are not interested in “just finding that one person that truly understands them” they genuinely want you to go about your business and allow them that “privilege” as well. If you personally feel like there is just one person out there for you, that is very sweet, however please know that you are better than that. 

It’s not funny to joke about serious, life-threatening things... because when it comes down to it, mental illness can be life threatening. So can obesity. How many comedians get up on stage and rip on themselves for being fat and then just self-perpetuate it? That’s their right, it’s their life! Here’s what makes mental illness a little more complex: when you have a mental illness you can actually literally do everything you are supposed to (medication, see a doctor, go to therapy, work through it, blah blah blah) and then it still can be an issue at times. It’s not possible in some cases to get rid of all symptoms. It’s super annoying, and funny, and just like what the fuck. In life that thing about where you just need to “take control” and overcome adversity. Absolutely that is true. However when it comes to mental illness, sometimes you just have to learn to live with it. It’s like having AIDS I would imagine. Just try to be like Magic Johnson not Rock Hudson.

If you, yourself, are constantly accusing others of being crazy, you are part of the problem and you are making things difficult for both the people dealing with mental illness properly and the regular, every-day sane people who are also just doing their own thing. Stop focusing on others and focus on yourself. Pro tip: Make goals for yourself and then achieve them. As you work towards your goals you will make friends along the way. Respect them and respect yourself. 

As to the joking about it, again, not cool unless you yourself understand and have experienced it/are experiencing it. Then you fucking earned that right. Just like religion. If you practice or practiced a religion previously, you get to rip on that shit as hard as you fucking want. If someone gets upset about it, well, reference the picture above. “But what is the picture referencing? Like, wait, what should I do, what is the picture telling me, what are you telling me?!” Yeah, maybe go see someone, I can’t help you, welcome to my world. Suggestion: It’s just a picture. 

Also don’t be ashamed of it. If people rip on you about it, that’s their problem. It would be nice if they wouldn’t, but if that’s how they need to get their rocks off you’ll just see them in hell later I guess? Tell the whole fucking town, who gives a shit. You absolutely shouldn’t, especially if you are doing everything you can to take care of yourself, be a good person, and make some kind of difference in the world you were brought into. 

Anyway (and here’s my overshare) I can look at the picture above dependent on the day and think “Well fuck, I am totally out of my mind, everyone hates me, so I need to just maybe shoot myself.” That is really fucked up and sad. How would I jump to that conclusion? Well it’s based on a series of unfortunate events that I brought upon myself. Also dealing with some people. If you are relating to this whatsoever, know you’re not just out there flailing by yourself, it’s actually going to be OK, and then also here are some resources for you:

Vera French

Family Resources

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

There are a ton more. If you have a major crisis and end up in the ER, they will give you a list of resources there as well. If you ever feel like you are having a major crisis, definitely go to the ER, that is what they are there for. 

[ninaazucarbk]

An Unconventional, Difficult & Fun Life

Extremely Concerned Individual:  Are you still in that DJ thing?

Me: Yes, I still DJ professionally.

Extremely Concerned Individual: *sigh* After all the work (re: college) and for nothing.  It’s so sad.

Me: It’s not sad.  It’s my job.  It’s just different.  I took a different route.

Extremely Concerned Individual: Yes but this isn’t a real job.  It’s a hobby.  I’m worried about you.  

Welcome to my life as a full time DJ with a vagine and a relatively steady stream of gigs who is simply trying to figure out how to adult as a creative freelancer in her mid 30s with no shortage of people who don’t understand how I got here or why I choose to stay here.  To be clear, I get it.  Being a creative freelancer is difficult for many reasons.  But the most difficult aspect of it is coming to the realization that societal conditioning has made it so that DJ’ing, which can be a pretty practical gig if you let it be, is declared an unrealistic career goal that can’t replace a traditional 9 to 5 job...or more specifically, a traditionally female 9 to 5 job.  

A little perspective.  I spent 8 years as a full time teacher before working up the courage to transition to my current situation as a full time DJ.  I had been mulling it over for about 4 years before making the leap, after which there were no shortage of friends, family and random strangers I just met who have been terribly concerned about me ever since.  9 times out of 10 this concern manifests itself as a gentle steering towards more realistic alternatives that would grant me benefits and other general trappings of a traditional 9 to 5 career.  In these cases I’m usually steered towards traditionally female jobs like:

Teaching - Reminder: That ship HAS sailed.

Nursing - I can’t tell you where this comes from.

Speech Pathology - ????

Child Counseling - Are we sensing a theme?

Interestingly enough at no point has anyone ever suggested I work in other pretty secure, predominantly male, gigs like Sanitation, FDNY, Tech, Finance or the like.  This is probably for the best because, to be fair, I would suck in all four of these areas.

But that doesn’t suggest that I would make a great nurse either.  And I can’t tell you the amount of times well meaning loved ones have suggested I look into a career along these lines, failing to acknowledge the glaring truth.

When a person, of any gender, is determining their “life’s purpose”, whatever that even means, there are several important factors to consider that transcend genitalia. 

1. Do you have natural talents that lend themselves to the line of work you’re trying to pursue?

Por ejemplo... I am particularly squeamish and would have a difficult time working in areas where I had to frequently encounter injured people and be around bodily fluids on a regular basis.  So that takes nursing out of the equation....

Not to mention the expense of nursing school for someone who already has three DAMB college degrees, two of which are in *drumroll please* MUSIC.

2. Experience.  Expertise.  Do you have any?

I’m a woman of a certain age.  

It’s a funny age because while I’m aware I’m not geriatric, by any means, I’m still at a stage in my life where I’m expected to have learned certain life lessons, be vaguely more established in life than I was in my 20s and, of course, to have expertise in SOME professional area.  My areas of expertise, for context, are administration, education and music.  However, of the three, when you think of which is the more realistic job option for someone who is “serious about their future” MUSIC hardly comes to mind.  

So go figure this is the area in which I have the MOST expertise and experience.  I performed extensively as a child with Bomba y Plena music and dance troupes throughout NYC in the 90s.  In my teens I studied classically at LaGuardia High School For The Performing Arts.  I continued my classical training at Brooklyn College Conservatory for roughly 8 years and earned two college degrees in music.  I worked professionally as a ringer for several church choirs in NYC and have now worked, professionally, as a full-time DJ for two years.  The bulk of my ACTUAL expertise (paid or otherwise) has been in the field of music.

3. Passion.

If we’re being honest, my number one passion has always been and will always be music for a plethora of reasons that could be an entirely different post altogether.  I firmly believe that passion is what should drive someone into the career they’re best suited for, if they can manage it.  But when you get to a certain point in your life the act of letting passion drive you is often scoffed at as irresponsible, immature, unrealistic and certainly not the way to land an APPROPRIATE or SMART career.  

Often comparisons are made to generations before us who had to do what they had to do to make ends meet.

Passion based careers are considered a luxury or privilege.  To that I say, try surviving on a creative freelancer’s salary in NYC for more than a month and then we can talk.  

Even some of my peers in creative fields often speak of having to choose between your brain and your heart.  Referring to choosing a career that they’re passionate about as “following your heart”.  A career in the arts, unless your a bonafide celebrity (which is NOT my end goal), is seen as flighty, romantic and hopeful.  Rarely is it acknowledged as a suitable career for someone who is equipped for the job, because naturally without a team of people managing every aspect of our day our delicate little heads would explode.  You can’t honestly believe that it’s possible for one person to have enough discipline to manage more than one aspect of their business, can you?

*insert sarcasm related gif here*

We’re living in an age where we have a world of information at our fingertips 24/7 and more opportunities to thrive in alternative careers than ever before, which begs the question...

How unrealistic is freelancing, really?

I, too, have fallen prey to external voices that attempt to tell me what I can and cannot do from their own biased perspectives.  But the only way to find out what can and can’t be is to take a crack at it.  Cliche but true.  And so that’s what I’ve been doing for the past 2 years.  Now when I’m asked what I do for a living I’m met with concerned looks, condescending remarks, chuckles and suggestions that my being a DJ is an adorable attempt at going toe to toe and trying to keep up with the fellas.  The most confusing reaction of all is the suggestion that my being a DJ is a rebellious act, which is perplexing because I don’t feel rebellious at all.  DJ’ing feels like a regular degular job to me because music performance is actually what I’m best equipped to do, despite my having a breadth of knowledge and expertise in other areas.

I'M A CREATIVE.  BOTTOM LINE.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I don’t even necessarily think that this is something I could have chosen to be myself.  It was more of a realization that I came to after dibbling and dabbling in one field or another with this thought in the back of my mind that music was what I really should have been doing the whole time had it not been for how obviously unrealistic it was.  But ultimately, as it turned out, being a musician and overall creative is what mattered to me, what I was most skilled at and what I am committed to.  

I often feel like when we discuss glass ceilings and gender inequality we often focus on polished, conservative fields like law, medicine and politics, etc.  To see women breaking down walls in these fields that involve a lot of structure, rules, formulas and rigidity (that’s actually not shade) it feels safe.  But unconventional lines of work are more threatening.  Mainstream ideas of what women should and shouldn’t aspire to become clear when we get to decide how and when we get paid, how flexible our work schedule is, how we present visually, etc.  Of course there’s no shortage of people, even in creative fields, who will stop at nothing to make things difficult for us either way.  It’s not all sunshine and lollipops.  But the point is it’s difficult to monitor and manage women when they’re calling most of the shots.    

When I think about it, this is part of what compels me to push forward, despite how challenging and scary it was to thrust myself into this field.  I feel strongly about women being capable of attaining the same level of success as their male counterparts on their own terms in all fields and I have committed myself to being an example of this so much so that, at times, it gets downright uncomfortable.  But for me, it’s worth it.  Because if I can learn anything from my parents and grandparents who sometimes placed themselves in uncomfortable positions in an effort to push forward, it’s that growth can be painful, uncomfortable and difficult to navigate but, if my experience trying to advance in my field is any indication, it’s very necessary.

I’ve come to the end of this piece and struggling with an impactful note to end on but something that sticks with me is a visit that I made with a group of young girls to Serato a few months ago to learn how to use Serato Video to add exciting visual elements to a DJ set.  The girls were fascinated with Op Miller and DJ Dstrukt’s demo and I remember at one point one of my students turned to me and said:

“This is so much fun.  It’s a good skill to have, you know, if everything else doesn’t work out.”

It struck a chord with me and renewed my commitment to being one of (now) many women in the DJ field who are proving that choosing an unconventional life can be everything you need. It can work out.  And yes, it absolutely is fun af.