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andguesswhat · 3 years ago

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The Fool on the Hill - Chapter 4

The secret behind the Two Gentlemen of Verona and the beginning of Lokius...

Their story on the Archive

Between the shelves

Tom’s fingers slid over the spines of the books along the shelves.

MayaAngelou...

William Blake...

Robert Frost...

Ah there we are Shakespeare's poems...

He took an edition of Shakespeare’s poems before 1640 out of the shelf and sat cross legged on the floor.

Camera and lights had to be relocated for the shoot in the library and Tom thought he might spend the break doing something useful.

“Sir?” he heard Owen’s voice imitating a stern security guard, “I’m afraid reading on the floor is prohibited. I have to ask you to get up immediately.”

Tom looked up to a smiling Owen and smiled back. “Why don’t you come down?”

And he did. Owen sat down, leaning at the book shelf opposite, his legs drawn up, smiling at Tom.

“So Shakespeare again?” his head pointed to the book Tom held in his hand.

Tom laughed softly. “Yes, the conversation yesterday got me thinking again.”

Owen nodded and smiled in amusement. “Maybe I get myself a copy of Hamlet to read before bed. What do you think?”

“Good choice, good choice,” Tom reassured him.

And he couldn’t help smiling either. They had been doing this a lot lately. Talking and constantly smiling at each other.

Owen leaned forward to search for the right book, his fingers now also sliding over the spines.

“Ah look at that!” He pulled out a copy of Two gentlemen of Verona and waved it in his hand.

“I read this in college. I always thought: this is about two bisexual guys, right? And the teacher was like,” he mimicked an older Brit, “oh no, this is Shakespearian English, it’s a bit different than you are used to, I guess. He was from England and wanted to show me that I as a stupid kid from Texas could not understand Shakespeare...”

“And oh how wrong they were about you...” Tom remarked and hoped, it didn’t sound like he was blushing.

He imagined Owen in high school and how he got underestimated just because of the way he was. Tom certainly would have loved being Owen’s friend back then.

Owen opened the book. “Aaah, I remember it now. Cease to persuade, my loving Proteus:

Home-keeping youth have ever homely wits.” He looked at Tom. “That already sounded somewhat gay to me. All these sweet words they have for each other…”

Tom’s heart began to pound. He had been looking for the right moment to tell Owen.

He had talked with Owen about Loki before they began shooting and of course he had mentioned that Loki was bisexual. Owen had been surprised but not in a bad way. He had said something like “Okay, good for him.”

So Tom could assume that Owen wasn’t homophobic. But still, what would he say when he knew Tom was bisexual himself? And Tom even wondered about Owen himself?

Tom had the feeling that Owen was flirting with him. But Tom had flirted with his straight friends, too, so that could mean absolutely nothing. And he would hate it for the flirting to stop just because Owen was suddenly insecure about knowing Tom was bi.

So Tom just said, “Look, this is interesting as well,” and showed Owen the book with the poems. “These are the poems by Shakespeare. And this is an edition with the original text, where a lot of poems are directed to… men. And later they were published again by a publicist called John Benson. But he changed most of the pronouns from he and him to she and her.”

“Wow…that’s… outrageous! I didn’t even know that... You really know a lot of that stuff. Not just Hamlet.” Owen smiled at him. “Maybe we should start a new lecture, the Shakespeare lecture.”

Tom laughed in embarrassment. He knew he was a nerd and got on people’s nerves with this whole stuff.

“You know, I always could kinda relate to Shakespeare somehow.” Owen said, looking at him, intently. “I always felt we shared some similar… feelings. It felt somehow familiar.”

Tom felt a little dizzy hearing this.

He still could be misinterpreting this.

But he had heard Owen say that and he thought he just had to act on it.

So he looked a bit left and right to see if there was anyone near them and said, “I know what you mean, I always felt the same. Because he wrote for both, you know. For women and for men.”

He cried out inside. Why was this still so hard to just say it? He was 39 for Christ’s sake.

But he probably got it right after all, because Owen nodded slowly, his face all soft, his smile reassuring, knowing.

“It was nice, by the way, there at the table. I loved that," Owen said after a little pause. "That Loki would sleep in front of Mobius.”

Tom became a little embarrassed. “I just felt that it would fit. Because he trusts Mobius. That’s new for him. And there’s a scene later on with Sylvie where he says that he can’t sleep around people he can’t trust. So… I wanted this to match. I’m glad Kate went along with it.”

The look that Owen gave him was kind of mischievous…

“I think we should talk about the relationship between Loki and Mobius a bit more… dig a bit deeper. Because I think there is a lot to show that’s not necessarily in the script. You know I was lying in my bed yesterday, imagining Mobius lying in his bed, thinking about Loki. Yes, he’s obsessed with him but I think there’s so much more. He really cares for him, you know.”

And the way Owen said “he cares for him”, God, Tom’s heart immediately began racing again. And he thought he would burst. He felt so much joy and so much love and so much excitement that he was probably grinning like a clown.

Yes, they already talked about the relationship between Loki and Mobius a lot, how much these character could give to each other… but they hadn’t taken it to another level… yet. Honestly, when he first read the script, he didn’t see it either. But with Owen now here on set… it was getting better every day.

“I’d love that,” he said softly.

And Owen just smiled at him. And then something happened that Tom hadn’t expected. Owen leaned his head back on the shelf and began to talk quietly.

“You know, there was this boy. Charly. We were best friends, from a young age, you know sandbox friends. And we were doing everything together. And one day when we were like 9 or 10 or something he asked me ‘Should we kiss?´ like he would ask me `Wanna go for a ride?´, as if this was just something you just do with a best friend. So we kissed.” Owen smiled in memory of this. “And it was nice… It felt good… So now and then we would make out… And… a few years later he would ask me `Should be jerk off?´ and I again was like ´Why not´… so we jerked off together” He shook his head as if he himself couldn’t believe that really had happened. “So until we were 18 we pretty much did everything one could do in this… area. We had girlfriends from time to time. We were crazy about them. But with Charly… it felt always different, more like coming home, something you could always go back to. It was comforting. And all the time it felt like it was the most natural thing in the world.” He sighed and looked at the floor, lost in thoughts. “If there hadn’t been the people to tell you otherwise…”

Tom didn’t know how to breathe, didn’t know what to say. He was so overwhelmed about Owen’s endearing story, and the sadness behind it. And that he had shared it with him….

“TOOOM? OWEN??” Lea, the production assistant, was searching for them and calling their names until she finally found them between the shelves. “How should I find you here?” she reprimanded them. “It’s all set up!”

“Sorry…” Tom and Owen answered simultaneously and helped each other get up.

Owen straightened himself and turned to Tom.

“Meet me at section F for Fitzgerald at the next break?”

Tom laughed softly. “Sure!”

And while he said this, his heart fluttered in his chest excited about what would happen in section F.

#hiddlewow #widdlewow #rpf #loki fanfiction #widdlewow fanfiction #the fool on the hill #chapter 4 #loki series #tom hiddleston/owen wilson #tom hiddleston #owen wilson

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snailg0th · 4 years ago

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TMA PLAYLIST!

hey party people! i made an absolutely MASSIVE entity playlists and thought i would share!

Here’s the song breakdown by entity if you want to separate it out into different entities!

The Corruption

- i’ll let it burn / kanaya

- first love late spring / mitski

- geyser / mitski

- me and my husband / mitski

- liquid smooth / mitski

- an unhealthy obsession / the blake robinson synthetic orchestra

- like real people do / hozier

- arms tonite / mother mother

- spiral of ants / lemon demon

- always forever / cults

- i wanna be adored / king woman

- in a week / hozier

- lovers are strangers / michelle gurevich

- first six moths of love / michelle gurevich

- where the watermelons rot / madelynne whitt

- loved / fein

- the masochism tango / tom lehrer

- high school sweethearts / melanie martinez

- earthworms / elliot lee

The Lonely

- ghosting / mother mother

- cellophane / fka twigs

- two slow dancers / mitski

- last words of a shooting star / mitski

- you missed my heart / phoebe bridgers

- writer in the dark / lorde

- liability / lorde

- sick of losing soulmates / dodie

- ribs / lorde

- i exist i exist i exist / flatsound

- how to never stop being sad / dandelion hands

- teenage hurt / oscar lang

- feels like we’re dying / johnny goth

- lonesome town / ricky nelson

- the ghost has no home / cocteau twins, harold budd

- heavy heart / you am i

- scott street / phoebe bridgers

- get lonely / the mountain goats

- i’m tired, you’re lonely / liza anne

- emptiness is a closet full of your clothes / wishing

- butterfly’s repose / zabawa

- xanny / billie eilish

The Slaughter

- thermodynamic lawyer esq / will wood and the tapeworms

- bloody nose / jack conte

- hand me my shovel, i’m going in! / will wood and the tapeworms

- problems / mother mother

- molly / mindless self indulgence

- resurrection / gank

- little pistol / mother mother

- my axe / icp

- to catch a predator / icp

- piggie pie / icp

- egirls are ruining my life / corpse

- i cant decide / scissor sisters

- brutus / the buttress

- thank you for the venom / my chemical romance

- you know what they do to guys like us in prison / my chemical romance

- teenagers / my chemical romance

- shitlist / l7

- lose your head / nova twins

- cop car / mitski

- pumped up kicks / foster the people

- mary / the happy fits

- 6 feet / scarlxrd

- war song / imad royal

- twist the knife / that handsome devil

The Spiral

- kitchen fork / jack conte

- stupid horse / 100 gecs

- a crows trial / vane lily

- hidden in the sand / tally hall

- stuff is way / they might be giants

- baby hotline / jack stauber

- for the departed / shatter james

- touch tone telephone / lemon demon

- they’re coming to take me away / sloppy jane

- anytime you smile / jt music

- tic toc / mother mother

- pretty little head / eliza rickman

- happy pills / weathers

- beware the friendly stranger / boards of canada

- dream / the pied pipers

- spiraling shape / they might be giants

- smile / maisie peters

- laughing on the outside / bernadette carroll

The Stranger

- stalkers tango / autoheart

- puppet loosely strung / the correspondents

- a mask of my own face / lemon demon

- sex with a ghost / teddy hyde

- bang! / ajr

- under my skin / jukebox the ghost

- turn the lights off / tally hall

- break my mind / dagames

- community gardens / the scary jokes

- mr capgras encounters a second hand / will wood and the tapeworms

- mama / my chemical romance

- have you seen my sister evelyn? / evelyn evelyn

- a campaign of shock and awe / evelyn evelyn

- my mom / kimya dawson

- who are you, really? / mikky echo

- kalinka / golden ring ensemble

- russian sailors dance / golden ring ensemble

- we’ll meet again / vera lynn

- carousel / melanie martinez

- this is the freakshow! / open minded

- the greatest show unearthed / creature feature

The Flesh

- blood and bones / the blake robinson synthetic orchestra

- the dismemberment song / blue kid

- i love you like an alcoholic / the taxpayers

- body / mother mother

- blood / my chemical romance

- body terror song / ajj

- skin / marriages

- four teeth / true widow

- tongues and teeth / the crane wives

- cannibal / tally hall

- pork soda / the glass animals

- alligator teeth / mother falcon

- animal skin / bryan dunn

- flowers of flesh and blood / nicole dollanganger

The Hunt

- it will come back / hozier

- in the woods somewhere / hozier

- hayloft / mother mother

- trrst / ic3peak

- oblivion / grimes

- i love you like an alcoholic / the taxpayers

- dear dictator / saint motel

- to my enemies / saint motel

- shaking like an animal / crash kings

- dog teeth / nicole dollanganger

- curses / the cranewives

- that unwanted animal / the amazing devil

- animal impulses / iamx

- go get your gun / the dear hunter

- i’m always walking as somebody else / american murder song

- come along / cosmo sheldrake

- the hunter / adam jensen

The Eye

- evil eye / franz ferdinand

- never meant to know / tally hall

- dirty imbecile / the happy fits

- lent / autoheart

- problems / mother mother

- southern eye / marriages

- wisdom / mother mother

- the fine print / the stupendium

- it’s tough to be a god / annapantsu

- ruler of everything / tally hall

- one eye open / lola blanc

- the competition / kimya dawson

- i see you / phoebe bridgers

- somebody’s watching me / rockwell

The Web

- silver platters / les gold

- puppet loosely strung / the correspondents

- the spiders face / emilie autumn

- twisted threads / the mechanisms

- spider in the roses / sonia leigh, daphne willis, rob the man

- lean on me / yerin baek

- shame / mitski

- devils flesh and bones / eliza rickman

The Dark

- there’s a girl in the corner / the twilight sad

- living with the black dog / emma ruth rundle

- i was all over her / sylvia palth

- welcome and goodbye / dream, ivory

- you are the coffin / flatsound

- into the unknown / the blasting company

- salem / fox academy

- i’m a member of the midnight crew / eddie morton

- sleep awake / mother mother

- no light, no light / florence and the machine

- oh ana / mother mother

- queen of darkness / ugress

The End

- for the departed / shayfer james

- achilles come down / gang of youths

- the end / sibyelle baier

- exit music / radiohead

- sex with a ghost / teddy hyde

- 13 angels standing guard round the side of your bed / silver my zion

- zombie / bad wolves

- old black train / the blasting company

- graveyard / lucy schwartz

- hangout at the gallows / father john misty

- holes in your coffin / phildel

- i’ll die anyways / girl in red

The Desolation

- turtleneck / the national

- relay / fiona apple

- a burning hill / mitski

- burn / king woman

- burning pile / mother mother

- lighting myself on fire / jukebox the ghost

- burn him down! / kitsch club

- mouth of the devil / mother mother

- high tide rising / fox

- the fire / griffinilla

- fire with fire / aliceband

- inferno pt 2 / the buttress

- all the good girls go to hell / billie eilish

- burning down the house / talking heads

- arsonists lullaby / hozier

- play with fire / sam tinnesz

- fire / delta rae

The Buried

- my heart is buried in venice / rick montgomery

- dirty night clowns / chris garneau

- hand me my shovel, i’m going in! / will wood and the tapeworms

- the mind electric / miracle musical

- bit by bit / mother mother

- weight of the world / shayfer james

- bury a friend / billie eilish

- my love took me down to the river to silence me / little green cars

- the devil went to georgia / the charlie daniels band

- jesse got trapped in a coal mine / goodnight, texas

- sisyphus / andrew bird

- bottom of the river / delta rae

- you’re dead / norma tanega

- ain’t no rest for the wicked / cage the elephant

- work song / hozier

- bury me / the hunting project

#Spotify

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buckleysjareau · 4 years ago

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i put a spell on you

911 Week 2020, Day 2: “You scared the shit out of me!” + Fun

link to read it on ao3

Eddie Diaz absolutely loved Halloween. Ever since he was an excitable eight year old boy he’d been known to go all out for the holiday. Twenty-four years and a son had not changed that. In fact, it had only made him more excited for the season. Getting Chris involved in the festive shenanigans he pulled out every year, setting a tradition with him, only added to the excitement of everything.

His first Halloween in Los Angeles, he’d been pretty tame at the one-eighteen, not having a lot of time to go all out, what with the new job and Shannon coming back into his life. He pulled a few pranks, mainly on Buck, and he made sure his apartment was decorated to satisfactory but that’s as far as it had gone that year. The next Halloween was a hard time for him and he definitely was not in the mood for pranks and haunted houses, but like always, no matter how bad things are, Chris and him decorate the apartment and bake cookies. Halloween was his Christmas.

The one-eighteen was not prepared for Halloween Eddie Diaz. This year was his first Halloween season with the one-eighteen where things were calm in his life and in his head, for the most part. Christopher has been talking about Halloween since September, something a young Eddie always did, and it gives him a weird sense of pride.

The first week of October consists of decorating the apartment. They’ve accumulated a lot of stuff over the years so it takes a few days to get everything set up. Christopher points out that their place is smaller than their house in Texas and since they have so many decorations left, they should decorate the firehouse. It’s amazing how in sync he was with his son when it came to this holiday. He’s glad Shannon hadn’t raised him to dislike Halloween as much as she had. Father-son bonding in the form of planning Halloween pranks and turning their apartment into something that resembled a haunted mansion was the best form of bonding and Eddie’s just so glad he has that.

His next shift, he walks in with the biggest grin and Hen raises an eyebrow. He just flashes her a smaller smile and ignores the questioning look, walking right past her and straight to Captain’s office. He waits for the clear to come in and stands behind a chair that’s seated in front of his desk. He shakes his head when Bobby offers him a seat.

“I’m not gonna be long, just had a silly question,” he explains. “Can I decorate the firehouse for Halloween? I have way too many decorations for my apartment and I’m sure some of the team could use the Halloween spirit around here.”

Bobby raises an eyebrow. “Halloween spirit, huh?”

“Halloween has always been my Christmas. I go all out for Halloween the way Buck does for Christmas. It’s been like that since I was eight.” Eddie grins and he guesses he sees the ease and excitement on Eddie’s face because he’s giving him a look he can’t quite decipher. “I probably would have asked sooner but the last two Halloweens have kind of sucked, if you can remember.”

“Oh, I remember. I’m glad you’re doing okay now, though.” He smiles. “Go wild with the decorations, Diaz.”

In a very, as many at one-eighteen would describe it, Buck-like manner, Eddie lights up with excitement and goes to leave. “Thanks, Cap!”

Now, he knows Bobby probably didn’t think Eddie would be starting right away but he already had three boxes of decorations in his truck and he just couldn’t wait. He gets dressed first, greets Chimney and a probie on their way in, and carries in the boxes.

“What are those?” Buck walks over to help with three containers. “Why are they so heavy?”

“Thanks.” He puts down the two boxes Buck didn’t grab and sits on top of one, out of breath. “They’re Halloween decorations! We have a lot left over so Chris said we should make the firehouse look as spooky as our apartment.”

Buck’s fond smile turns to one of doom, as if just remembering Eddie’s first year there and all of the pranks he’d played on Buck, specifically. “Are you like this every Halloween?”

“Oh, Buck, you haven’t seen anything yet. That first Halloween season here was pretty tame, and we weren’t talking last Halloween, so you have no earthly idea what’s about to happen.” Eddie smirks at the frightened look on his best friend’s face. God, does Halloween make him feel great.

(And Buck.)

Once the firehouse is decorated, Eddie can finally start focusing on the myriad of pranks he has lined up for his family. Christopher is his partner in crime for a lot of the planning but also made sure Eddie wasn’t going to prank Buck too much.

It’s not his fault Buck is just extremely jumpy and easy to scare.

The first prank he plays on Buck is something that took a lot of careful planning and sneaking around.

See, Buck has his phobias. Eddie would never use those against him, especially anything to do with water. He knew how horrible PTSD was and would never want to trigger a flashback or panic attack. But, until the team’s horror movie marathon at Eddie’s a few days before finally revealed something actually does creep Evan Buckley out.

Like he’s said, Buck has always been jumpy and an easy target for pranks but that man had no fears. He could get Chimney with fake snakes, he could get Hen with fake props or werewolves, and Bobby jumped so high his first year when he left a flimsy rubber cockroach on his desk.

He always had to get Buck with leftover gags. Not this year, though.

It came up when Eddie, without telling Buck what the next movie was, started to play the remake of Child’s Play and Buck cursed at the TV.

According to Maddie, dolls had always creeped him out. Even before he’d watched the first Child’s Play, dolls had been something that Buck hated to look at or watch. When he threw out her old baby dolls when cleaning out the attic one year, Maddie happened to catch the thing on video. A video she promised to show in front of an embarrassed Evan Buckley.

He’d finally had an idea. He asked Maddie if it would be okay before asking for her help to plan it so when Maddie says it would be a good idea, she becomes yet another partner in crime. She finds an old doll online, a doll she knows would send Buck running if it talked.

Good thing it’s not gonna talk.

He first places the doll in Buck’s locker to give him the jumpscare. Buck is almost done with his shower and is going to have to put stuff away so it’s the perfect place.

When he walks down to the locker room, Eddie grabs a rag out of a probie’s hand and starts “cleaning the truck” so he wouldn’t be noticeable to Buck. He’s close enough to the locker room to hear some things and he’s got a direct line of sight on Buck’s locker. He starts to feel like a child that pranked a teacher and was excitedly waiting for said teacher to sit down on her chair that no longer had screws. He feels like one of those class clowns and he loves it. He feels young again.

The locker opens and the doll falls on him, something he hadn’t planned on happening but it makes the reaction so much better. Hen knew about the prank, saw him put the doll in there, so she recorded it for Maddie and hopefully, with Buck’s permission of course, the internet.

“EDDIE!” Buck screams after he flings the doll across the room with all force.

Buck is exasperated and shocked, mouth wide open, glaring at Eddie. And Eddie?

Eddie can’t stop laughing. Hen and Chimney are just as bad and Bobby is trying to keep it in to maintain a little professionalism.

“She--she was-she wasn’t supposed to fall!”

The prank didn’t end there. Once Buck leaves again, after demanding an apology for the heart attack he’d given him, Eddie picks up the doll and hands it to another paramedic. He instructs her to put it behind Buck as carefully and quietly as she could. Buck was currently in the loft, playing a video game with Hen and Chimney, most definitely only focused on one thing: winning.

He holds in his laughter as Mitchie places the doll carefully on the couch behind him and waits patiently for Buck to finally give up on winning and quit the game -- which comes faster than Eddie thinks it would.

“I’m never playing with you guys a-” Buck jumps, stopping his sentence, at the sight of the doll.

“Very funny, Eddie!” Buck groans as he tries to slow down his heart.

Eddie, who snuck into the bunk room to screw with him, walks out with hair that he messed up himself. “What’s very funny?”

“Oh, stop acting like you didn’t put this thing here!” He shivers as he stares at it again.

“Buck, how dare you? She has a name!” Eddie snickers. The frustrated look on Buck’s face just adds fuel to Eddie’s mischievous mood.

He gets other members of his team to help place the doll where Buck normally goes and by the time they’re done four calls and are in the bunk rooms ready to sleep, the doll has popped up three more times, making Buck jump every time. The last time, Buck took the doll and threw it in the trash, like that would stop it.

He waits until Buck’s fake sleeping turns to real sleeping before he goes into action. He takes the doll from his bag, tip toes over to Buck’s bed and carefully places the doll under his blanket next to him. When he’s back in his own bunk, he shuts his eyes and doesn’t wake up until he hears Buck cursing him out.

“You were right when I said I had no earthly idea what I was in for, oh my God, Eddie. I am not ready for the rest of the month. I woke up to a mouth full of doll hair! Thing was looking at me right in the eyes when I woke up, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go burn that demon th-”

Buck’s rant is cut off by Eddie’s laughter again but this time, Buck cracks. The otherwise empty bunk room was suddenly full of laughter.

After they calm down, Buck smiles fondly at Eddie. “God, Eds, you’re so lucky I love seeing you happy…”

Eddie’s response to that is a blush and a shy smile before he clears his throat. “You wanna help me get Hen?”

The rest of the week, Eddie ends up pranking his entire team at least twice. Eddie gets Bobby in the shower by putting red Kool-Aid in the shower head so when Bobby turns on the water, he’s sprayed by what Eddie wanted to look like blood. When Bobby asks about it, hair stained red, Eddie lies and says that it was meant for Chimney. It gets him off the hook but he has a feeling he would have gotten away with it anyway.

The whole team, Athena, Carla, and even his Abuela have pointed out a few times how happy he looks. He really can’t explain why October makes things feel easier, especially when the last two have been particularly shitty, but it probably has something to do with the weather and the kid-like aspect of Halloween that makes him feel less burdened by the weight of the world. He can just let himself enjoy the pranks, the decorations, the special time with his kid that loves Halloween just as much as him.

Another huge reason he loves the holiday was haunted houses.

He was one of those people that got a kick out of being scared and always went willingly, leading a group through the horrors and fake blood. His first date with Shannon had been at a haunted house, and even though it ended being one of the best first dates either had been on, he’s pretty sure Shannon thought he was a psychopath for going in without apprehension.

It wasn’t just the haunted attractions that Eddie loved. There’s bonfires, cider, hot chocolate, live music, and more. The whole thing was a comfort for him and he could not wait to experience it with the family he chose in Los Angeles.

They plan everything for the next night they’re all off for the weekend. Eddie buys tickets for the Buckley’s, much to their dismay, to pay them back for all the times they’ve treated. It throws Buck through a bit of a loop, sends him spiraling a little, and doesn’t relax until Eddie agrees to let him buy Christopher and him some hot chocolate and candy apples.

He lets it go when they get there and Buck’s face lights up as he looks around at everything in awe.

“Mads, do you remember we went to that farm like, an hour away from Hershey with the haunted attractions that one year? I was twelve, I think, and you took me out because I was bummed about a game or something…” Buck’s face is nostalgic and it warms Eddie’s heart even more that the magic of fall and Halloween can bring a smile like that to his face.

“Yes! I clearly remember you kicking a clown in the face on the haunted hayride and almost pushed him off the moving tractor when he scared you.” Maddie giggled.

“You know, I did the same thing once when I was fifteen,”

His mom still brings it up every Halloween. It probably wouldn’t have been memorable if Eddie Diaz ever actually passed the flight or fight line when it came to being scared. Most people have a fight or flight response to being scared, but Eddie never had that response. It’s not to say that he doesn’t get scared, because he does, but his response to getting scared was always to laugh.

The one time his fight or flight instinct kicks in, he just has to fight.

Eddie, his sisters, and his parents are walking through the basement of the haunted house, Eddie leading the way, as usual. One of his sisters is crying, he can’t tell who, completely focused on his surroundings as to not get too spooked. His sister pulls him to a stop by accident, so he turns around for one second to tell her not to, and there’s someone in his face when he turns back.

He screamed higher than anyone’s ever heard him and socks the actor right in the face.

His family still doesn’t let him live it down, but hey, at least he knows he’s not the only one that’s accidentally almost severely injured a haunt actor anymore.

Buck and Christopher are almost rolling on the ground in laughter when he’s finished the story. Athena and Bobby are asking if the guy had been okay, trying not to let it show how funny they found the story. Hen is just as bad as Buck, and Karen is trying to make sure her wife doesn’t choke on the water she’d been drinking.

They’re a chaotic group, that’s what they must look like to those passing by, but Eddie wouldn’t change them for the world.

When they stop near a food stand, Eddie could finally smell roasted peanuts, turkey legs, funnel cakes, the apple cider and the smells hit him straight in the heart.

As if the fall food was calling for him, Eddie didn’t even think as he grabbed Buck’s hand and dragged him towards the line. He knows he should have probably let go of his hand when they were stopped in line or when he realized they were still holding hands, but it felt so natural and Buck hasn’t pulled away either. They’re just standing there, holding hands and talking about Christopher’s science project like this is the most normal thing in the world for them.

Yup, the fall definitely brought out the romantic side of him.

Buck pays for the Diaz boys. Eddie tries to sneak his card over before Buck can notice, but of course he catches him and pushes away the card. He asks why Buck won’t let him pay, he clips back with the fact that Eddie bought their tickets, and before they could go any further, the young girl taking their order clears her throat.

“You guys are a really cute couple, seriously, but just let him pay. We’ve got a line.”

Eddie blushes as red as a tomato, and he expects Buck to correct the girl but he guesses he’s too caught up in winning that he doesn’t really catch it.

Then they’re walking away with their food like nothing ever happened and he really wants to say something but he’s rendered speechless when Buck greets his son with the funnel cake and asks if he wants to share with him. They’re both smiling from ear to ear and Eddie just can’t get over how much Buck loves his son and vice versa.

So caught up in his feelings, he forgets that he’s not just there with Buck and Christopher. Their whole team, and their families, had been waiting on them to finish up, so they could head to the haunted house entrance.

Romantic feelings be damned, it’s time to scare the shit out of his friends.

Michael decided beforehand to stay back with Denny and Christopher, letting the others go in without a need to worry about their kids. He notices the look Michael gives Buck when he runs back to give Christopher one last hug, and he can’t deny the question in Michael’s eyes once they make eye contact. Eddie was in love and he couldn’t find it in himself to care in that moment.

The one thing Eddie dreaded about haunted houses were the insane lines and he really underestimated LA lines. Standing for a certain amount of time can be hard for anyone, especially if you were crushed by a ladder truck and had six surgeries to fix the crushed leg.

It’s not even him who notices Buck’s wincing at first. Bobby points it out.

“Your leg hurting ya, kid?”

“Not too much. Just the standing is getting to me, I guess, but it’s nothing new.” He grimaces when Eddie gives him a look. “My leg is healed up and I’m okay, it’s just sore, really.”

Eddie sighs. “If you need to take it slow in there, please let me know.”

Buck snorts. “The last thing I need to do is take it slow in that place.”

“Evan Buckley, are you scared?”

“Psh, no, why would I be scared of an insane asylum where people are literally paid to make you piss yourself?”

May laughs from behind them. “Buck borrowed my laptop to Google videos of this so he could catch the ghosts off guard, not the other way around. One of the videos was actually a pop up scare and he screamed so loud he almost gave Bobby a heart attack, from outside.”

“Aw, Buuuuuuuck,” Eddie grins. “I’ll protect you!”

“Really, May?”

“Nothing wrong with being scared, Buckaroo!” Athena pats his shoulder and Eddie can’t help but smile at the blush on Buck’s face at all the attention.

“Guys, we’re next!” Karen grins from the front and the looks on May’s and Buck’s faces is enough to make Harry howl with laughter.

“Not so tough now, May?”

“Shut up, Harry!”

Hen and Karen didn’t want to go first, Maddie and Chimney begged not to go first, and in response to who wanted to actually go first, Bobby and Athena actually pushed Eddie up to the front. “You know I don’t mind going first, right? You don’t have to push me.”

Buck actually pouts. “I thought you said you’d protect me!”

Like last time, Eddie doesn’t think as he grabs Buck’s hand. “Then let’s go!”

“I’m not going up front, are you crazy?” He protests, all the while still holding onto his hand and squeezing.

“Would you rather be in then back where the ghosts and zombies can follow you? Because I’m not about to be in the back and neither are mom and Bobby.” May smirks. “Which means the back of the group would either be you or Maddie and Chimney.”

“Whatever.”

“Stop grumbling like Chris when he doesn’t wanna pick up his legos, and let’s go to the front!”

So Buck finally lets Eddie drag him to the front and because Buck wasn’t paying attention the actor greeting the group, when he looks up he jumps, causing everyone to laugh. “You know, you guys need to stop laughing. I’m not the only one that’s scared.”

“I’m not scared!” Harry shouts.

“Yeah, right!” Buck snorts.

“I’m not scared. You’re scared!”

“If you’re not scared then you go up front!” Buck argues.

“No!”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Alright, children, stop arguing and let the zombie talk.” Bobby grins.

The actor goes over the rules such as no linking arms, no smoking, no food or drink, do not touch the actors because they can’t touch you, and to enjoy. The actor makes fun of Buck a little, which oddly enough, he seemed to appreciate, and then they’re being sent in. Buck grabs for Eddie’s hand the second they’re in.

“Of course there’s a fucking doll in the first room.” Buck hisses under his breath.

The grip on Eddie’s hand is bordering too tight but he doesn’t say anything because as soon as they’re passed the first room, it relaxes a little. Then a werewolf jumps out and scares the entire group, but Buck especially. Eddie is laughing but not just at Buck, it’s his reaction to jumpscares and Buck knows that so he doesn’t have to worry about sounding too mean.

Everything is just jumps and screams until it’s not.

They’re about to exit one room when an actor who very much resembles the lady with the same initials as bowel movement jumps out and scares Buck so bad he stumbles, drops Eddie’s hand and falls back. The room is foggy so no one notices Buck or Eddie are missing until they’re in the next room, but Eddie knows how most haunted houses work and just tells them to keep going. When he reaches Buck, he’s grabbing onto his bad leg like there’s a cramp and now Eddie understands.

He puts a hand on Buck’s shoulder to get his attention and realized how bad of an idea that was when Buck screams bloody murder and falls on his ass. Now, Eddie shouldn’t laugh. He really shouldn’t.

But he can’t stop.

“Asshole.”

“Are--are y--you okay?” Eddie stutters out through his laughter, holding out his hand to help him up.

“You scared the shit out of me!” Buck yells.

“I’m--I’m so--sorry!” He’s cackling at this point and he feels bad, he really does, but who ever claimed he was a good friend in these instances.

The actor, now concerned if Buck was okay and with the timing of the group behind them, walks up with a smile. She’s broken character, speaking normally, and Eddie knows it’s to not spook Buck more. Which, cute.

“Is your friend okay?” She smiles.

Eddie is finally calming down when he looks at her and looks back to Buck. “I’m sorry for laughing, Buck, are you okay? Can you walk?”

Buck is pouting again and Eddie hates when Buck is sad but he's just embarrassed so the pout is the cutest thing in the world to him.

“You scaring me half to death took my mind off the cramp so yeah, asshole, I can walk.”

He grabs Eddie’s hand and lets himself be pulled up. He notices the actor looking into the last room and looking back to them. “I’m sorry for holding up your room, ma’am.”

The actor grins. “It’s okay. I’m just glad your friend is okay.” She looks at Buck. “I’m sorry I scared you so bad I gave you a cramp.”

“You’re just doing your job and I landed on it wrong, anyway. Not your fault.” He turns to Eddie. “Can get the fuck out of here now? Where’s everyone else?”

Eddie grins mischievously. “They went along without us. It’s just you and me now, buddy. In a haunted house. The only way out is through.” He knows that’s not true, he knows there’s emergency exits for people who get too scared or injured and he planned on asking the actor just that, but c’mon, he had to mess with him just one more time.

“No, no, no, I’m staying here, then. At least she’s nice.”

Eddie laughs. “I’m kidding, man.” He looks at the girl. “You guys have an emergency exit, right?”

She laughs. “Yeah, let me get someone to escort you guys so you don’t get lost. When you’re out there, I’d suggest icing your leg if it still hurts.”

He does just as she suggests. They’re sitting on a bench and Buck is icing his leg with one hand while the other hand is loosely hanging onto Eddie’s, staring at Eddie with a cheesy grin and Eddie is doing the same.

No wonder that girl thought they were a couple.

“Hey, um,” Eddie clears his throat. “When the girl who was working at the food booth said we were a cute couple, you didn’t really correct her. Why?”

Buck’s ears go bright red and he freezes. “You- you didn’t correct her either.”

Eddie grins because he does have a point. He didn’t correct her.

“Plus, people have said it to me before. The Christmas elf that one year we took Chris to see Santa Claus, and people out on calls have asked me what it’s like to work with my boyfriend. What’s the point in correcting them and making them feel embarrassed, you know? Did it bother you? If it did, I’ll correct someone next time, promise-”

Eddie cuts off Buck’s rambling. “People say it to me, too, and I never correct them. Honestly Buck, if this many people have thought we were a couple, and neither of us have corrected any of them, it’s saying something, isn’t it?”

Buck bites his lip. “What’s it saying?”

“That we’re pretty much a couple in all terms but official?” He laughs. “I wouldn’t mind making it official, but what do you think?”

Buck nervously grins and Eddie thinks it’s the prettiest thing in the world.

“I think that I wouldn’t mind making it official, either.”

Eddie can’t hold back the grin on his face anymore, he’s smiling from ear to ear, beaming. He goes to lean in for a kiss but stops himself when he catches sight of Harry and the rest of their crew walking up behind Buck. Harry has a sneaky grin on his face and puts a finger up to his mouth to tell Eddie to keep quiet.

When Harry finally reaches the two, he pounces onto Buck’s shoulders, and not for the first time tonight, Buck jumps.

“Alright, that’s it!” Buck jumps up and Harry bolts.

“Mom! Bobby! Help, please!” Harry screams as Buck chases him in a circle.

Athena laughs. “We told you not to scare him.”

#911week2020 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #athena grant #bobby nash #hen wilson #howie chimney han #karen wilson #maddie buckley #michael grant #harry grant #may grant #firefam #my writing #my fics

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moonstrvcked · 5 years ago

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╰ ˊ * ✵ ৲ 𝑖𝑖. 𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄: 𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙚𝙨.

( santiago cabrera . cis male . he / him . ) / 𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐒 𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐒 has been with the group for 𝐓𝐖𝐎 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 and is currently doing their part in the community as a 𝐅𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐄𝐑 . while here , the 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐒𝐈𝐗 year old has created the reputation of being 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐓 & 𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 , but can also be known as 𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐓 & 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐅𝐔𝐋 . in a sticky situation , they will resort to 𝐅𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄 and their current weapon is a 𝐑��𝐕𝐎𝐋𝐕𝐄𝐑 .

𝕚 . ╱ stats .

full name: elias anthony torres.

nicknames: eli.

age: forty six years old.

date of birth: may 3rd, 1973.

zodiac: taurus.

place of birth: el paso, texas.

sexual & romantic orientation: bisexual.

gender: male.

hair color: brown.

eye color: brown.

height: 6′0.

𝕚𝕚 . ╱ biography .

ELIAS’S LIFE HAS ALWAYS BEEN PLANNED OUT . it begins on a ranch in texas , the smallest of those run by the torres family . his mother beams down at him , exhausted but exhilarated , and his father cheerfully puffs on a cigar . a second son , the midwife announces , another heir for a legacy that has spanned decades . elias , already drifting off to sleep , has no idea just how much expectation he’s been born to .

the torres line is an esteemed one , often called southern royalty . elias’s great , great grandfather had founded torres farms upon immigrating to america in the eighteen hundreds , and the family’s influence only spread over time . by 2015 , there were fourteen ranches under the torres name , spread all across the american south .

elias is the second of three children ! he has one older brother and one younger sister , both of whom he treasures dearly . he trailed after his brother in youth , wanting to be a part of the older boy’s games , and was always the one who put on a tiara to play with his sister .

ELIAS DOESN’T WANT TO UPHOLD THE FAMILY NAME . try as his parents might , their son has no interest in the comings and goings of their company , no care for being a proper heir . he prefers running wild in the grasses of their smallest ranch , harassing their cowboys to teach him how to lasso . from his very first moments , elias is like the wind . wild and unrestrained , never bending or breaking under pressure .

elias , while rebellious and heretical and insouciant , does feel some shame for disappointing his family . it hurts , seeing the frown on his mother’s face and the stress lines under his father’s eyes , but what can he do ? he just wants to be himself .

he does have some -- albeit few -- good qualities ! elias is charming and soft - hearted , cheerful and bright and exuberant . he’s the life of the party , the class clown , the friend who will always give you a hug if you need one .

ELIAS IS A BIT OF A WRECK . it starts with one too many drinks , skipping out on sunday service , leaving a scratch on his grandfather’s favorite car . it ends with two children out of wedlock , a world of responsibility suddenly at his feet . he doesn’t know what to do with children , but he does know this--- he has never loved anyone quite so much . he steps up to the plate .

early life in the torres household was filled with mac & cheese dinners , often forgotten bedtimes , dirty clothes askew . elias was woefully unprepared to be a father , and it showed . even so , he tried his absolute best and eventually , he got the hang of things .

ELIAS TRIES HIS BEST TO CLEAN UP HIS ACT . he would never acquiesce to being the heir to his family’s ranches , but he does accept a job offer from his father . to his surprise , he truly enjoys working on one of the smaller ranches as a cowboy , and keeps at it till the apocalypse forces him to flee .

ELIAS IS SURPRISINGLY USEFUL TO THE COMMUNITY . years of ranch work lead well to working as a farmer , and he handles it with ease . he has some reservations about following leaders he doesn’t know , but he bites his tongue and carries on . if nothing else , he believes they want to keep their people safe , and won’t risk putting his children in danger by rebelling .

#fear:intro

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monsterousmasterpiece666 · 6 years ago

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Other side of the story

So in this little imagine I decided you (the reader) would be in a relationship with Darry during the whole Ponyboy/Johnny situation. Perspective on what happened there while the boys were on the lam! It kind of went in an interesting turn, and I'm not so sure if I like it. But I hope you all do! My first one for The Outsiders

Warning: Lots of friggin' angst. A cuss word or two. A tiny super tiny amount of fluff with Dar.

Word count: 1,628

Ponyboy thought the week on the run was hard, which of course it was for him. Tonight was the joint funeral for Dally and Johnny, and silence fell over the small house. You had to keep it together, and be the glue for the misfit family because without you they wouldn't be able to make it through. Resting the iron on the board after your blouse is finished you fight back a tear, trying not to let it all flood back on you.

Three loud rings roared through your small one bedroom house and you rushed to answer it,

“Y/N it's Darry, is this a bad time baby?” Your heart leapt to your throat as you answered him back,

“Of course not, why such the late night call? It usually only happens when Two-Bit is in jail.” A short laugh was all you got before you heard him swallow. He had obviously been crying and you twisted the cord between your fingers.

“Baby don't say another word, I'll be right there. And I'll be quick so no one sees.” A soft sob was all you got in return. Hanging up the phone you got dressed and sprinted to the boys house. The moment you walked in Darry just collapsed on you in tears, and Soda just paced around the room. It took you soothing Darry into a soundless sleep before you could hug Soda and help him relax. You got the whole story from him and it broke your heart, of course Dar wouldn't purposely hurt Pony, but his worry got the better of him. While they both slept you couldn't even relax in the chair, knowing Pony and most likely Johnny we're out there in possible trouble.

Two days later they were practically zombies with struggling to sleep, and without the heart of their trio it was difficult all around. Steve told you that Soda jumped at the phone ringing and just couldn't focus, and Darry was just as bad on the job. It hurt you more than anyone else, but you refused to show it. Those boys needed you and you provided. Two-Bit was on the floor, Steve and Soda on the couch, and you in Darry's lap on his recliner. Finally the last piece of the puzzle showed up, Dallas Winston. You all simply stared as he walked in like nothing happened, and grabbed a beer after a long swig he stood against the door frame and shrugged to himself.

“Why are y'all just bein’ so quiet? Like someone died or somethin'” He flinched when he saw the anger in everyone's eyes as he finally looked around.

“That's exactly what happened Dallas! How could you be so shameless? Really?” Frustration thick in your voice before you glanced over at Soda, noticing his heart practically breaking by the way his face looked.

“Dally if you know anything at all about the boys, you have to tell us. The cops seem to think they went to Texas or something crazy like that!” Darry was getting tense underneath you, while you tried to plead with him. The thought that they were gone off to Texas after this big fiasco just made it difficult, Dar was convinced it was all his fault and felt helpless.

“That settles it! We'll just take Steve's car and go look for them in Texas!” Two-Bit jumped with a new sense of enthusiasm, Steve nodding as he got up. Both ready to just up and run until Dallas laughed.

“You two clowns are gonna go look through the entire state of Texas for those two? How far you think you'll get before you give up?” He finished off his beer before he fixed his jacket and glanced around the room,

“I'm sure the boys are fine and we will figure whatever mess this is out. Until you guys can calm down and cut out the stupid reactions I'm gone.” As simply as he came in, he walked right back out. The door slamming on everyone's hearts while Ponyboy and Johnny were god knows where.

Two more days had passed and things were getting tense, like at any moment one of the boys would just simply explode. You were basically living there by now, cleaning and doing all the cooking. Currently a rich chocolate cake and chocolate chip cookies were in the oven when Dallas walked back in.

“Was wonderin’ why I didn't hear any yellin’ when I walked up.” Dipping his finger into the chocolate frosting you just finished before you glared up at him.

“Yeah Dal, the boys are at work and Two-Bit is doing whatever he's doing. I think out with some girl who knows. Now listen I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or any-”

“Woah woah Y/N. Before you ask. No. I don't know nothin’ 'bout Pony or Johnny okay? I've been getting grilled enough by the damn police, I don't need it here too.” Lifting your hands in defense you nod, pulling the cookies out to cool as you wipe your hands off on your apron.

“I'm not saying that. Just saying that Soda doesn't believe you and wanted me to give you this note. And if you're wondering why it's so smudged he was crying his heart out writing it. If you're okay knowing this family hurts, and having some sort of clue about everything that's fine. But just remember, no matter what, we're all family. Always there for each other, that's the way we gotta be. No one else will look out for each other better than we do.” Your heart sunk as you struggled to control your emotions, you only cried when everyone was gone that way no one knew how truly hurt you were. Dal finally noticed you were the only one trying to mediate everything, and keep them all together. All of them had been selfish of you and finally his arms wrapped around you hugging you tightly.

“Y/N I'm sorry we've been terrible. Not thinkin’ of you and how you must be hurtin’. Ponyboy was like your baby brother too huh?” A simple nod was the only reply he got was you broke down against him. You both stood there in silence, missing the boys who changed both of your lives.

Two days later it was after the fire and the boys met Ponyboy at the hospital. The night of the rumble, as much as you protested all the boys tried to reassure you. Winning this fight would ease tensions even for a bit. The bed beneath you creaked slightly as you sat on the edge.

“Baby are you sure this is just...the absolute best moment for a rumble? With Johnny in the hospital who's gonna be with him while you do that?” Tucking his black cotton shirt into the hem of his jeans you couldn't help but admire him again. Like the most beautiful god you could ever hope to set your sights on, and he mutually chose you. He smiled which was the most life you've seen in him in a long while. Walking over to you, pressing a heated kiss against your lips, his strong hands on your waist. Darry was a beyond wonderful kisser, and even better sexually when the moment was available to the both of you.

“Y/N this rumble is for Johnny. To show them we have what it takes to make our stand in this world. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have made it at all. Neither would Sodapop. You're everything to me, to us. There's no need to worry baby girl, we got this. I'll make sure Pony doesn't get hurt.” Both of you smiled before pulling him on top of you kissing him again, suddenly the door flew open and loud whistles came from Steve and Two-Bit.

“Hey Y/N do we all get good luck kisses from ya?” Steve smirked as Darry got up off you and threw a glare his way. You knew it was time for them all to go. Getting up to follow them all out you ran out to the fence and held your ground momentarily.

“Remember boys. Keep Ponyboy safe, and this is for Johnny. For us. To show we won't take shit from no socs.” All of them nodding before either hugging you, or kissing your cheek as they all walked off.

The rain that night fell harder than any tear you all could manage. Two pieces of your heart gone in the same night, and there was nothing you could rightfully do to help them all out.

Fast forward two months

Everyone was trying their hardest to continue moving on with their life. It was hard to accept that at such a young age two people would be gone from you so soon. And for Pony, Soda, and Darry it was within a year of losing two more important people in their lives. It took some time and sleepless nights for you to get them all to finally get their routine going. The first few days you had to rock and sing Pony to sleep, kiss Sodas forehead and be the best little big spoon to Darry. Breakfast every morning for all the boys and packed lunches for all the boys besides Two-Bit who spent the day with you. Every day the same love you felt from them all because you gave absolutely everything you could to them and they knew it.

Darry always told you that life with him would never be easy, and you accepted it and thrived. Knowing how you were needed as much as you needed them was all you ever wanted in life. This band of misfit greaser boys was all you ever needed.

#monsterousmasterpiece #the outsiders #ponyboy #darry curtis #the outsiders darry #darry x reader #the outsiders imagine #reader insert

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brianjaeger · 5 years ago

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2020 Academy Award Best Picture Nominees Guide For Those Who Haven’t Actually Watched Them

The 92nd Oscars are here and it’s time yet again for all of us to lord over one year’s worth of millions of people’s passions with the certainty of a judge at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show (which ironically takes places one day later) and say aloud, “This art is and forever shall be known as better than that other art!”

Throw the notion that expression through the medium of film can exist simply to reflect a myriad of emotions and varied experiences right into the wind. We gotta know what that BEST art is, son!

So with mere hours left before Sunday’s spectacle, you’re probably asking yourself one question. “Brian, why do you keep doing this?” No, not that one. “Brian, Tumblr? Really? Does that still exist? Why don’t you spend the slightest amount of time to find a better medium for this?” No, not that one either. “But Brian, I haven’t actually watched any of these films. What am I going to do?!” Ah, now that’s the one. But fear not. I’ve got you covered. For the 6th time, I’m here to give you a rundown of what I think all of these movies are about without actually seeing them, along with some pithy little talking points to take into your Oscar parties to sound like a goddamn genius.

Ford V Ferrari

In this epic clash of man vs. nature set in the den of Harrison Ford’s summer home in Plano, Texas, the extremely hungry aging star has just had a large pie from Ferrari’s Pizzeria, located at 3949 Legacy Drive, delivered…and now it is time for battle. On the About Us section of their website, Ferrari’s Pizzeria makes a “promise to our customers to provide the best Italian food using recipes handed down from our Italian grandmothers.” Hold on to your Italian grandmothers, kids - that promise is about to be put to the test. (Yeah, it’s real.)

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

That cameo by Mater from Cars is really what pushed this film into Oscar contention.

Christian Bale's car in Ford V Ferrari is also an unwavering method actor and remained in character as a car for the entirety of production.

Who won? I'll give you a hint, in the long run, it was not the quality of life for the American working class!

The Irishman

In this gritty thriller, Lucky the Leprechaun’s father, Frank Leprechaun, an immigrant who worked as a farrier making horseshoes in Ireland before coming to America, wishes on a shooting star for a way to make a better life for his family. He finds that chance by doing hits for the mob and we see his first job take place under a pale moon, when he shoots a diamond store clerk in the heart, blood red ballooning out onto the green grass, like crimson and clover. Later, an aging Frank Leprechaun kills union leader Jimmy Hoffa and as he dies, he divulges the secret that Hoffa’s body is buried on a plantation in Lexington to Lucky. The young boy looks back and makes a firm promise to his dying father. “They’ll never get Kentucky farm.”

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

The de-aging technology used in The Irishman was so advanced that, while you can’t see it, De Niro's testicles are actually two inches higher in the first half of the movie.

The run time of the movie is 3 hours and 30 minutes which is also the average amount of time Netflix users scroll through options before deciding to just watch the same episode of The Office again.

In Ireland, this movie is known as The Man.

JoJo Rabbit

From M. Night Shyamalan comes the story of a scared young boy who claims to see Jewish people. While adults around him are trying very hard to see them too, it’s Adolf Hitler who helps the boy to overcome his fear and actually communicate with the Jews to understand them and realize that the reason that he can see them is because he can help them. And then at the end we realize that Hitler was actually a Jew himself THE WHOLE TIME!

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

I thought it was just a bit on the nose that Taika Waititi chose to have JoJo sing her hit “Leave (Get Out)” at all the Nazis during the Allied occupation of Germany.

While juggling roles in Marriage Story and JoJo Rabbit, Scarlett Johansson would often get confused resulting in one day on set when she tried to cut Sam Rockwell’s hair in a bathtub.

Of all the nominated films, when it comes to winning Best Picture, this is…Nazi one! (Cough. Look around. Place your drink on the table. Slowly collect your coat, walk to the door, pause as if to turn, sigh, leave.)

Joker

It’s 1964 and Cesar Romero has established himself as a force in Hollywood. A multi-talented performer and veteran of WWII, Romero has amassed an impressive body of work playing roles as a versatile character actor, when he gets a call from his agent.

Agent: Cesar, I’ve got something that I think you’d be perfect for.

Cesar Romero: Is it a complex villain in a new Western? A dark turn as a gangster in a noir? A comedic foil in a Sinatra vehicle?

Agent: No. Better.

Cesar Romero: What is it?

Agent: Get this. An evil clown Batman nemesis…on TV!

(Silence.)

Cesar Romero: Um.

Agent: You’ll be kind of like a sidekick to Burgess Meredith! And guess what he is?

Cesar Romero: (Deep breath.) What is he?

Agent: Like a half-man, half-penguin sort of thing…I think. But he’s also evil! Oh, and you’ll also get to star alongside Julie Newmar!

Cesar Romero: Oh, well that may have legs. So, do we have a “will they, won’t they” dynamic?

Agent: Not at all! But she is evil too. And also part cat!

Cesar Romero: I do not understand any of what you are saying.

Agent: And it’s got Frank Gorshin!

Cesar Romero: And what is he? Let me guess. Like an evil frog person?

Agent: No, no! He’s The Riddler. It’s sort of the same exact deal as your character, only he doesn’t wear any makeup. Isn’t this wonderful?!

Cesar Romero: (Pause.) You have to be joking.

Agent: No, Cesar. YOU have…to be joking.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

We still have a little bit of time for Joaquin Phoenix to die and win a posthumous Oscar for this role and keep with tradition. Then in 11 more years, a woman will win Best Supporting Actress for playing the Joker role and then in another 11 years the actual Joker will direct Joe Kerr in a reboot co-starring the Impractical Jokers…and win an Oscar.

I found the end scene touching when Arthur’s wife delivers his child and asks, “Arthur, what do you want to name your son?” And he replies, “Béla.”

Todd Phillips only made this big flashy blockbuster for the studio so that they’d let him do his deeply personal, intimate art house project, The Hangover IV.

Little Women

In a fresh take on a movie that I think is about some nuns living in a cottage during, fuck, I dunno like 1845? 1912? Aught 5? but there’s like a mean one, and a smart-and-sort-of-pretty-but-not-too-pretty one, and they probably have a dog, oh and a horse, and they have fights about vying for the love of the same boy they grew up with who is now some hot stud with poofy hair and poofy shirts and a nasally British accent, oh and there’s 2-3 other sisters that really just serve to further the main sister’s plot, and there is like fucking grass everywhere and how is all that grass not staining the shit out of those long flowy dresses that they always wear on their farm – or is it a glen? can you live ON a glen? – but later the guy marries the right one and he’s a strong man but is totally cool with her writing about some bullshit about being like a female doctor pioneer or something – oh and she’s wearing a straw hat with like a ribbon that’s always flapping the fuck around behind her – I forgot also that they only have one parent, the other is definitely dead and that comes up a little too often, and my mom and two sisters have to have tissues near the goddamn couch while they watch this seemingly 14 hour fucking miniseries or movie or Hallmark marathon because even though each of them could goddamn recite the dialogue from memory they still cry every…single…time…and OH MY GOD, CAN THIS ANNE OF GREEN GABLES, SOUND OF MUSIC, LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE OR WHATEVER THIS GIRL STUFF IS PLEASE BE OVER SO I CAN HAVE THE LIVING ROOM TV BACK TO WATCH BOY STUFF!

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Not many people know this fact but on her death bed, Louisa May Alcott’s final request was that if a woman ever directed a film adaptation of Little Women they would absolutely under no circumstances be nominated for a Best Director Oscar. So, really, that’s on her.

To ants, these are very big women.

Alan Dershowitz and Prince Andrew's favorite film.

Marriage Story

Dr. Ellie Sattler has established her second career as a divorce attorney after years as a paleobotanist and now fights so that “woman inherits the earth”...or at least gets primary custody and more than half of the assets.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

The roommates of Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig have become increasingly annoyed listening to several minutes of the two repeating, “No I hope YOU are recognized by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences with the Academy Award for Best Picture…and hang up first,” before ending their long phone calls every night.

While juggling roles in Marriage Story and JoJo Rabbit, Scarlett Johansson would often get confused resulting in one day on set when she tried to hide Robert Smigel in the attic.

Variety reports that a remake of Marriage Story is now slated for fall of 2026 with Colin Jost in the role originated by Adam Driver in a version of the story that will be produced by real life.

1917

The seventh and final installment of the 1910's saga follows the previous successful box office hits 1911: The First One, 1912: Now There's Two, 1913: Why Not Three, 1914: Get It? Years Are Sequential. That’s Really All This Joke Is, 1915: This Is The Fifth One (But Fourth Sequel), and 1916: 19 Fast 16 Furious.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Originally, the movie was supposed to have a ton of cuts between scenes but after saying, “Action,” a producer whispered to Sam Mendes that they only had budget left for one single take after hiring every single recognizable British actor still alive – so Mendes started screaming, “Run! You there, start shooting at them. Keep rolling! Keep running! Jump down that waterfall! Let’s go, people, keep up! Hide in those trees now! Oh look, more bad guys! Pew pew! Duck! Run over that way! Do not…stop…shooting!”

If this movie was called 2017, Colin Firth would have just pulled out his Samsung Galaxy Note 8 and texted, “Call off attack,” with a GIF of Admiral Ackbar saying, “It’s A Trap!” Then, mere seconds later he would have received, “lol k thx”.

1917 earned Benedict Cumberbatch a nomination for “Most Distressingly Off-putting Mustache”.

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood harkens back to a time long, long, long ago in Hollywood's history when the majority of top actors were white, the majority of directors were old men and individual parts of women's bodies were oddly objectified and sexualized. We’ve come so far since then!

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Please don’t ruin the fun and let Brad Pitt know that a movie was actually being filmed around him from June to November 2018.

I didn’t think the film was particularly that great but every single person I know who lives in L.A. and is either in or adjacent to the entertainment industry corrected me that it actually is.

Oh, I’m sorry – I think you’re in the wrong place. This is the once upon a time where a man is burned alive with a blowtorch. If you’re looking for the once upon a time where a man’s eyes are drilled out of his face, well then, pal, you’re gonna want to go to Mexico.

Parasite

Oh. I’m sorry. I accidentally put a Best For'n Language Film here at the end of this list of the best ‘Murican films.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Parasite was, by far, the best movie I read this year!

나는 기생충을 진심으로 감사 할 수 있도록 한국어를 배웠습니다.

Bong Joon-ho's Parasite might leave you asking who are the real bottom feeders in the black comedy about social structures. There's plenty of food for thought as this picture is deeper than than what it may seem like on the surface…is the word-for-word review from Rotten Tomatoes Super Reviewer Aldo G that I just read to you out loud after pulling it up on my phone here.

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auburnfamilynews · 5 years ago

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Jamie Rhodes-USA TODAY Sports

Hey, we finally got a huge weekend of impact games!

Whoa! Week three’s in the rearview mirror, and Auburn is 3-0 with a huge showdown at Texas A&M Saturday afternoon. HOWEVER, there’s a ton of other good college football including a top ten showdown in Athens. How do we think these games are going to turn out? Let’s see...

Michigan @ Wisconsin (-3) (O/U 43.5)

I can’t quite figure out Wisconsin. Consecutive shutouts are good, but that offense? Ugh. Then again, Michigan has had their own struggles this season. I really thought Army would pull off the upset. Wisconsin 24, Michigan 17 - Josh Dub

I saw Wisconsin buzzsaw through USF in the opener while the only Michigan game I’ve seen was them nearly losing at home to Army. In addition to the game being in Madison, I’m gonna take the Badgers to win and cover. Wisconsin 27 Michigan 14 - Will McLaughlin

This is a fascinating matchup. I know we all got a kick out of laughing at Michigan going into OT to beat Army but you have to remember Oklahoma did the same thing last season and went on to win the Big 12 & land a bid to the College Football Playoff. Granted, Oklahoma absolutely shredded Army’s defense when they got the ball but could not for the life of them get a stop and were forced into having only 8 possession all game scoring touchdowns on half of them. A little different than Michigan’s performance.

Wisconsin, on the other hand, has been dominant out the gate. All the fancy maths LOVE them some angry Badgers right now with Wisconsin ranked 7th by SP+, 10th by FPI and 10th by Sagarin. The Badgers, unsurprisingly, feature another dominant rushing attack lead by Heisman hopeful Jonathan Taylor. With this game also in Madison, you REALLY have to like the Badgers chances.

But this might be the most important game in the Jim Harbaugh era. While Michigan has not been bad under their former QB, they haven’t been championship calibre which was the expectation when hiring Harbaugh. They still can’t beat Ohio State and are something like 1-14 vs top 10 opponents. If the switch is to flip, it feels like maybe this is the weekend for it to happen.... Nah... Go Badgers. Wisconsin 31 Michigan 20 - AU Nerd

Talk about a one sided rivalry. Blue leads this series 51-15-1. This time should be one of the ones that goes to the Badger-Badger-Badger-Badgers. Shea Patterson really hasn’t panned out like the fans and Jim Harbaugh would like and I don’t see any reason how he figures things out in Camp Randall. Take the Badger and go with the over. Sconny 31-17 - Drew Mac

Man, can you imagine thinking Wisconsin was going to be favored in this game in the preseason? Wisconsin has been downright dominating through three games, winning their two games 110-0 so far. Michigan has been one of the best defenses in the country so far, but their offense behind Shea Patterson has been real bad. Like 74th in SP+ bad. My head says Michigan will pull this one out, but my heart says go with the Badgers to make Michigan an early favorite to finish #3 in the Big 10 East. Badgers it is, 20-7. - Ryan Sterritt

Wisconsin can run the ball and Michigan has identity issues with their offense and a madman for a head coach. These are the kinds of games we forget when we see Wisconsin in the B1G Championship game at the end of the season. Wisconsin 35 Michigan 17 - Josh Black

Oh yay, an early morning B1G snoozefest. I’m not going to dwell here too long. Cheese 27 - Khakis 17 - AU Chief

Something something real men something leadership something prestige. Sconny 30 Michigan 10 - Son of Crow

Wisconsin is about one standard deviation ahead of Standard Wisconsin so far, but that hasn’t been against anyone with a pulse. Michigan really hasn’t cut loose yet, but they’ve had a week to plan. I think this one stays close, and both teams lean on their defenses. I’ll take Wisconsin to cover, but not by much. Wisconsin 19, Michigan 14. (Wisconsin wins and covers, UNDER) - James Jones

‘Scuse me while I go spend a few hours in the library reorganizing the card catalog. Michigan’s the miserly old librarian shushing people, and Wisconsin’s the high school sophomore who thinks he’s cool because he brought McDonald’s with him to work on his school paper. Badgers cover easily, 31-10 - Jack Condon

Tennessee @ Florida (-14) (O/U 49)

Tennessee isn’t dead yet. I think they’re just good enough to test Florida and put some things on film for Auburn to use. Dan Mullen will survive…this week. Florida 28, Tennessee 20 - Josh Dub

This game always produces some weird games even though most end up in Florida wins. Florida moves on without Feleipe Franks at QB and we’ll see who emerges at that position for the Gators. I would love for Tennessee to make this a game but I just don’t see it. Florida 27 Tennessee 10 - Will McLaughlin

Florida won in the most predictable of fashion vs Kentucky last weekend after being predictably outplayed for a good portion of that game. That series is just the same tragedy played out over and over made even more harmful by UK winning last year. Now Kat fans truly believe those games will go their way. You poor, said, obnoxious Elite 8 losers....

Anyway... I can’t explain why. Maybe it’s what I ate last night or my nerves for Auburn’s game this Saturday but there’s just this feeling that maybe Tennessee pulls the stunner. I mean it would be a very Dan Mullen thing to lose this game. But given the Gators disruptive OL, an offense that honestly looked better with Trask at QB and the general suckiness of the Vols, I don’t have the stones to pull the trigger. I do think Tennessee covers which they can kinda take as a win I guess? Florida 38 Tennessee 27 - AU Nerd

NOON KICK! Ugh! I love the people that say ‘Remember when this was a real matchup?’ No...I remember Spurrier beating Phil and Peyton around like rented mules but no...I don’t remember this being a matchup. Which brings us to this year! Florida has their backup QB who is better than Felipe Franks (sad that he got injured, but Trask is a better QB for this offense) and that doesn’t bode well for Tennessee. However, the Vols are better than their first week showing that 14 is a big number so I will take the Gators to win but will take the Vols and 14. Also, go under. Gatas 23-14 - Drew Mac

The trap has been set perfectly for this upset. Tennessee is in shambles, but maybe has a ray of hope after beating down an average FCS team. Florida, after stealing a come from behind win with their backup quarterback, is on the highest of highs right now. If only the Vols didn’t have Jeremy Pruitt, I might pick them in an upset here, but I can’t trust him to pull this one off. Florida is going to probably be down or tied at half time, but Gators win this with a few late scores 31-14. - Ryan Sterritt

Y’all are going to think I’m crazy but Tennessee didn’t just win last weekend, but showed that they’re still willing to get after it. Pruitt still has this team engaged and this is a game that could completely change the current narrative in Knoxville and I am so tempted to pick Tennessee. Florida’s front 7 on defense is why I’m not. Florida 27 Tennessee 13 - Josh Black

Hey, Tennessee finally go them one against he Mighty Moc’s of Chattanooga. Florida nearly blew it against Big Blue. They are apparently planning on running out both back-up QBs this week. That smells like a disaster, but who knows. Both these coaches can take a long walk off a short pier as far as I’m concerned but I guess I’ll go with the Hunchback of formerly of Starkville. Jorts 33 - People That Only Know One Song 17 - AU Chief

Hey I think Florida is gonna lose you guys. I mean, I don’t really, but I need to start picking against the grain because otherwise I’m not going to win. Tenn 21 Florida 20 - Son of Crow

SP+ does not know Franks is out and likes the Gators by 19. Do we really think Franks to Trask/Jones is a 5 point drop? I don’t. I also don’t think Tennessee figured anything out enough to go on the road and keep this one within two scores. Florida 34, Tennessee 17. (Florida wins and covers, OVER) - James Jones

Here’s Cam Newton clowning Tennessee while in a different shade of orange and blue. Glad we got him in the end. Vols are about to be 1-6. A new losing streak starts here. Gators 34-13 - Jack Condon

Notre Dame @ Georgia (-13.5) (O/U 56.5)

I am looking forward to this. Georgia is my least favorite team, by a very wide margin, but Notre Dame is my third or fourth least favorite team. I think Notre Dame will get exposed. This one will be over before halftime. Unfortunately, CBS threw all their eggs in one basket. Now we get to listen to Gary and Brad filibuster. Georgia 42, Notre Dame 14 - Josh Dub

Okay, this is where I know for darn sure I’m going out on an island. Look, Georgia is great but they have played Vanderbilt, Murray State and Arkansas State. No offense to those teams, Notre Dame is a much better football team than those 3 teams. While Georgia’s run game seems to be a huge advantage in this one, I just have a gut feeling that Notre Dame is going to rise to the occasion. Give me the Irish in a huge upset! Notre Dame 37 Georgia 34 - Will McLaughlin

Preseason I had this down as a loss. I just thought with the pieces needed to be replaced at WR, some question marks surrounding the Dawgs pass rush and UGA’s general ability to piss away golden opportunities that maybe the Fighting Irish would roll into town and pull the stunner.

But there’s one hitch in that plan. Notre Dame can’t stop the run...

Per Cole Cubelic the Irish have allowed 19 run plays of 10+ yards or more. They are one of 13 teams to do so. Those other 12 have played 3 games. ND has played 2...

You can beat the Dawgs if you can stop the rushing attack and pressure the QB. Not sure ND has those pieces. I think this turns into a romp with Kirby having circled this as his showcase game all summer. The Dawgs are bringing an enormous amount of elite prospects to campus, college gameday is in town and it’s UGA’s first opponent with a heartbeat. I expect a bludgeoning leading to more UGA hype and more 5* commits. Life is pain. UGA 42 ND 20 - AU Nerd

FINALLY! Georgia gets someone with a shot at actually scoring double digit points. The Irish have looked dominant in their 3 wins just as Georgia has, however the bookies don’t think this one will be close...and I agree sadly. Nothing would make me happier than seeing Georgia get run at home (especially if they put on those blood clot black jerseys) but it wont happen here. I think of ND as the Not Ready for Primetime Players of the college football world. Georgia proves me right because they hate me. Georgia and the Over. DAAAAWGS 45-20 - Drew Mac

I’ve never rooted harder for the Irish, including last year when UGA went to South Bend. After all of the shit they’ve talked in the last calendar year, Georgia deserves to get it handed to them at home, with Gameday in tow. They won’t, though. UGA is going to gash these poor Catholics on the ground, and even if the score is close, the game won’t be in doubt. 31-21 Georgia. Ugh. - Ryan Sterritt

Look y’all no one likes Notre Dame. But would I be willing to break out my old football jersey and helmet from playing days for the Briarwood Lions (look just like Notre Dame) for the sake of celebrating a Georgia loss at home? YOU BET I WOULD! Sadly this Georgia team is going to run through Notre Dame the same way Clemson did last season. Georgia 41 Notre Dame 17 - Josh Black

It’s hilarious to me that people are playing up this game like Notre Dame has a chance to win. Give me a break. Grown Men Barking 37 - Team That Won Their Last Title Less Than Thirty-nine Years Ago 24 - AU Chief

Guys I think Georgia might destroy this Notre dame team. I am shocked this line is so low. Maybe Vegas knows more than me, but maybe also Georgia just blows them out and you win money. Dwags 55 irish 4 - Son of Crow

Lol we get this at 13.5? It’s currently shooting up near 16 or 17. Fuck Georgia, but they’ll blast the Irish. Georgia 38, Notre Dame 16. (Georgia wins and covers, UNDER) - James Jones

Sadly, leprechauns aren’t real, and I think Georgia’s got their magic flute and armor to ward off spells. Bulldogs 45-23 - Jack Condon

Oklahoma State @ Texas (-5) (O/U 74)

Texas ain’t back, still. They’ll win, but they ain’t back. Texas 41, Oklahoma State 35 - Josh Dub

Well we learned 2 weeks ago that Texas wasn’t quite back yet. The Cowboys have won 4 straight in this series. Make it 5! Oklahoma State 41 Texas 35 - Will McLaughlin

In terms of most fun to watch, it’s hard to pick against this matchup. OKST features one of the best players in the country no one is talking about (or weren’t talking about) in Chubba Hubbard who I think was briefly an AU target. He’s been insane to start the season averaging 7.9 yards a carry and scoring 7 TDs. On the other side, Sam Ehlinger did all he could to go blow for blow with Joe Burrow but fell just a bit short. However, I think this time he gets it done in a wild but entertaining affair. Gotta go with the over. Texas 42 Oklahoma State 38 - AU Nerd

Sam Ehlinger has been an absolute beast this season, physically taking this Texas squad on his back and trying to drag them to victory. If it weren’t for getting Burrowed, they would have done it against LSU. Mean while Okie State has quietly been very efficient at gutting opponents offensively while having a not so terrible defense. This one will be fun, but Okie State has won the last 6 in the series and while the Horns have looked good, I still need them to win one of these game before I truly believe the hype. Okie State straight up and under. Cowboys 42-31 - Drew Mac

Time to hop back on the “Tom Herman can’t win as a favorite” train. SP+ even has this game as a pick’em, so yeah, give me the Cowboys to come in and pick off Texas for, let me check, THE EIGHTH TIME THIS DECADE. Pokes 40-34 in Overtime. - Ryan Sterritt

I think Texas is a legitimate top 10 level team this year and may end up splitting the OU games again because I believe they’ll play twice. Texas 48 OSU 38 - Josh Black

I like the Cowboys. Always have. I would love to see their superior color of orange roll into Austin and and show the world that, Texas is indeed not back. And that’s exactly what’s going to happen. Men of a Certain Age 35 - Town Full of Weirdos (And Keep It That Way) 34 - AU Chief

Okie State is a fun team to watch yet again. I genuinely believe in this Texas team, though. They torched a really good LSU secondary and won’t see ANYTHING like that again the rest of the season. Look at that O/U man, the big 12 is W I L D. I think Ehlinger is a good QB, and the Horns have weapons all over that offense. We are beginning to see Tom Herman’s stamp on this team, and I think Texas runs away with this win. UT 42 OKState 31 - Son of Crow

There’s an SEC angle to this one: is LSU really that good throwing the ball now, or is Texas just a standard Big 12 defense? Oklahoma State has looked good under new OC Sean Gleeson. I think they keep things close in an absolute barn burner. Texas 45, OK State 42. (Texas wins, OK St covers, OVER) - James Jones

Texas is strutting into DKR with the Ted Nugent t-shirt and the cigs rolled up tight in the sleeve. They got a job, workin’ for the city (workin’ men, huh?). Keep a little money in their pocket. Still thinkin’ about getting back in JC or somethin’ though. Horns in a fun one, 40-37 - Jack Condon

Cal @ Ole Miss (-2) (O/U 44)

Cal is sneaky good, folks. Maybe? Hard to say. All I know is Ole Miss is sneaky bad. Maybe not even sneaky bad, maybe just plain bad. Cal 27, Ole Miss 14 - Josh Dub

I was trying to figure out how in the world Cal became ranked in the Top 25? Well a win at Washington would certainly help matters but have been fairly unimpressive in wins over North Texas and UC Davis. This will be a 9AM kick Berkeley time but keeping with my theme of picking games this week, I’m picking the underdog straight up. Cal 24 Ole Miss 21 - Will McLaughlin

This will be a bizarre game. Cal seems to be trying to copy the Michigan State philosophy of playing smother defense but frustratingly bad offense only to beat you in the most hair pulling of ways. Of course, it also makes them VERY susceptible to being upset.

Ole Miss’s brief flirtation with great defense is over having surrendered 29 points to Southeastern Louisiana. But this game is basically a toss up per the math folks I trust. Given it’s at home and Cal’s penchant to not be consistent at all, I actually do think Matt Luke gets it done. It won’t be pretty and will have you questioning your sanity by the end of the game but the Rebels defense the SEC’s honor. Ole Miss 28 Cal 21 - AU Nerd

Wow....um....so Cal beat Washington and Ole Miss lost to Memphis and squeaked by Piggy....alright. Bears (the west coast ones) straight up and over. Cal 34-24 - Drew Mac

Ew, gross. Two top 20 defenses and two bottom 40 offenses. Exactly what everyone thought when this series was scheduled! I would say I expect Cal to win this one, but I’m not sure I can really trust them to 4-0 to start the season. Then again... the Pac 12 has to beat someone, right? Golden Bears over Black Bears, 20-18. - Ryan Sterritt

Ole Miss is catching 2 points because they’re at home. Ole Miss is a very bad football team. Cal 27 Ole Miss 21 - Josh Black

Both these teams may stink, but this is a matchup I might actually tune in to watch, just because it’s not one you see every day. Berkley and Ole Miss might be the two most contrasting places in this great nation of ours. It’s one of those things that reminds me what makes college football so fun. Unfortunately, the fun stops on the field. By virtue of it being a road game for Cal, and Ole Miss still being a school that recruits SEC talent to a a degree, I’m going with the that school up north. Admiral Akbars 24 - The Other California Bears 13 - AU Chief

This game seems super gross. Cal is good on one side of the ball: Defense. Ole Miss is good on 0 sides of the ball and is categorically terrible on defense. This game is the football equivalent of potty training. It’s going to go terribly, and even the successes won’t feel worth it at the time because of all the hours you’ve spent washing poop off your hands. Cal 15 Ole Miss 10 - Son of Crow

SP+ likes Ole Miss because the recruiting rankings aren’t totally fazed out. That, the weather (hot as all get out), and Cal’s body clock really has me leaning Ole Miss. HOWEVAH, I just can’t get past how terrible Ole Miss looked against Memphis, and Cal’s defensive line is legit. I think that unit carries them through in a low-scoring game. California 17, Ole Miss 10. (Cal wins and covers, UNDER) - James Jones

Ole Miss ain’t gonna be able to lie their way through this affair. Cal’s fairly salty, and I don’t think the Rebels have the guns. Yella Bears 28-9 - Jack Condon

from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2019/9/19/20874938/staff-picks-college-football-week-4

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adambstingus · 6 years ago

Text

Puberty Sucks But Second Puberty Is Just The God-Awful Worst

As you somehow keep holding on when the rodeo horse of life tries to buck you off so it can face its ultimate foe (the rodeo clown of life), you’ll eventually reach a kind of second puberty. The first time, you transformed butterfly-like from child to slightly grosser child. Once all your body’s jagged edges and weird lumps settle into place, you enjoy a prime that’ll last about eight minutes, and you’ll be too drunk or high to remember it.

Second puberty will hit between 28 and 33. The physical changes you’ll undergo — the ones I’m experiencing now — aren’t too dramatic, but are different enough to be unsettling. It’s a harbinger of horrors to come. It’s like Batman getting that vision of the Earth reduced to a dusty wasteland controlled by Darkseid in Batman v. Superman. I want to be Batman in that scenario, but it’s become increasingly apparent that I am the wasteland. As evidence of my physical dilapidation, I present the following.

After 9 I Can — And Will — Fall Asleep Anywhere

I’ve been afflicted with a punctual form of narcolepsy. No matter how caffeinated I am, I will fall asleep instantly if certain easily met conditions are present:

1) I have recently eaten dinner after having made dinner, which I do every night.

2) Most of my weight is heaped onto something comfortable. The definition of what can be comfortable is wide enough to include leaning on a wall coated with satin paint (the most comfortable of paints).

3) It is at least 9 p.m.

When those three elements combine, I involuntarily enter, exit, and then reenter a deep state of unconsciousness that I will deny having entered if caught in the act. Vehement denial, punctuated with wild fits of slurred vulgarity, is another symptom of this recently acquired disorder.

g-stockstudio/iStock When one of my molecules touches one couch fiber after a late dinner.

If left untreated, the debilitating sleepiness can lead to waking up in a frightened daze at 3:30 a.m., not fully remembering how I got onto this comfy thing from wherever I ate dinner, be it the dining table in my apartment or the Five Guys a mile away.

Falling asleep early sounds great, but not when I have a wife whom I’d like to remain conscious enough to hang out with after work, because like an idiot I married someone I love and want to be around. Boy, I’m really paying for that dumb mistake.

I’m Suddenly Allergic To Life

To my recent unpleasant surprise, allergies aren’t something you’re stuck with your entire life. They are for some people, and my heart goes out to them. I don’t know why we don’t have annual telethons raising money to help lifelong seasonal allergy sufferers pay their Claritin and tissue bills. My mom’s side of the family is where this new nemesis of mine comes from. They didn’t feel the torment of allergies until well into their 20s. I followed a similar path.

Twenty-eight is when things started to go awry. Scratching one small eye itch could trigger an itch that could go on for days and stop just before I took a back-scratcher to my corneas. Things have ramped up since. One sneeze within 10 minutes of waking up is my body’s way of telling me I should sprinkle some blueberries and Benadryl on my morning oatmeal and call it a day. I don’t know what it’s like to breathe through my nose without fear that if I inhale too vigorously I’ll set off a chain reaction of sneezes lasting hours that very well could blow my brain out the back of my skull.

c8501089/iStock Why does this frighteningly appropriate stock photo even exist?

There’s such a wide variety of allergy pills and nasal sprays that finding the one that works best for me is nearly impossible. Once swallowed, some pills will take one look at your genetic makeup and go full diva as they refuse to work with that clown show of body. Have you ever torrented a band’s entire discography, only to realize you don’t have the time to listen to 73 albums, so you delete everything but the greatest hits? That’s shopping for allergy pills. One of the brands I’m not immediately familiar with might be a gamechanger, but I can’t risk blowing my life savings on an absurdly priced pack of pills with a brand name I didn’t see advertised during an award show or an NBA game. I’ll stick with the hits everybody can sing along to — Claritin, Zyrtec, Benadryl.

Xyzal.com They ran out of nonsense letter combos for pills halfway, so they restarted from the beginning of the alphabet.

Sorry, Xyzal, but I don’t know you, and I get the inkling that saying your name out loud summons a long-dormant demon. I just can’t take that risk.

I Can Drastically Change Pants Size In The Blink Of An Eye

Technically I’ve worn the same pants size since middle school, but that’s a little disingenuous. I’m a first-wave millennial; we were some of the last kids to think tripping over our very baggy pants was the first step to cultivating an air of supreme dopeness. If I go about my normal diet, everything will be fine. But one Taco Bell pig-out session, or more than one slice of pizza, or more than one beer, and soon I’ll reach the full potential of my middle-school-era JNCOs.

It’s so drastic that I want to take this show on the road. I’ll wow skeptical crowds by swallowing a slice of chocolate cake, and with a magician’s dramatic wave of my hands make any discernible separation between jawline and neck disappear before their eyes. They’ll be looking around for the wires or prosthesis, but they won’t find any. Some will call me a simple trickster; others a heretic. But the truth is that my metabolism is shit and I have to eat like a bird so I don’t look like a boar.

To make sure it wasn’t just me, I asked around. John Cheese told me that once he turned 40, his weight started fluctuating 30 pounds in both directions. He seriously has to keep two wardrobes: one for the fall when he shoots up to 235 pounds, and one for the spring when he drops back down to 200. If you’re thinking that weight change happens over the course of six months, think again. He gains and loses 30 pounds in a matter of weeks, changing absolutely nothing about his diet or exercise routine — the one he has aptly named “I Don’t Exercise, Ever.”

Please, if you’re in your early 20s, listen to me: Enjoy eating however much of whatever you want while you can, because within a handful of years, every ounce of junk food you eat will be converted into a pound of fat in the exact spot that determines your clothing size. Have fun jogging the width of Texas to burn off one bite of donut. When you’re young, your body is a furnace that instantly incinerates whatever you put in it. Eventually it will be a landfill where things slowly decompose over centuries, poisoning the groundwater.

My Shit Literally Never Stank Before I Hit My 30s

I don’t want to brag or nothing, but for a long time, I could’ve taken a hearty dump during a crowded house party and no one would’ve been the wiser. I left no odor behind. My body converted the stink into pure energy. I believe there was a point in my life when close study of my body’s internal workings could have led to the design of a more efficient internal combustion engine, thus slowing climate change, thus making my ass the savior of the human race.

And then I got older and my dookie stench roared in with the fury of a long-dormant demon named Xyzal awakening for the first time in centuries. I just wish I’d been able to appreciate what I had before it was gone. Hypothetically, if you and I were in the same room, and I were shitting in that room, you wouldn’t have known it until you heard the plop plop of the water, because I could never figure out how to muffle those. But by scent alone? Nah. Too ninja for you. You’d never know it.

I’m just happy my stink powers activated in the same era as the advent of Poo-Pourri. I don’t want to turn this column into an ad for a bottle of essential oils you spray in a toilet to conceal your turd funk, but that stuff is amazing. If I made the smells I do now 10 years ago without Poo-Pourri, I wouldn’t have friends and I wouldn’t be married. I’d be living in an adobe in the desert, where there’s nothing alive to offend.

My Teeth Are Sensitive Little Snowflakes

Every new transformation in second puberty comes with a small shame. Parts of your body are losing function and you can’t do anything to stop it. You can iron the wrinkles out of your balls to make them look 20 years younger, but you’re just filling pot holes in a road as it’s being carpet-bombed. All I can do is accept it. I’ve only just begun accepting every unfortunate transformation I’ve already mentioned. But my sensitive teeth and I will be locked in a mythical eternal battle between good and evil so grand it will one day inspire the creation of a religion. Wars will be fought in its name.

When my teeth suddenly became sensitive to cold temperatures, I felt I had fundamentally failed at being alive. I can’t belt out an “Aw fuck!” when I lick an ice cream cone without ceding some confidence. I can’t feel like I’m in the prime of my life when I double over in a blinding-white flash of pain because I made the fatal mistake of eating cold salami slices straight from the fridge.

It’s stupid to say I like eating, because if I didn’t like it, I’d be too dead of starvation to say it. But I’m certain I like eating a lot more than you do. Anywhere between 50-65 percent of my day consists of grunting orgasmically as I chew. So you have understand how crushing it is to have something that makes me so happy cause me so much physical pain. It got so bad that at one point my teeth would leave me screaming in pain if a cool breeze wafted across them when I smiled. My teeth were training me to fear happiness. That’s the psychical damage you lay on the person you’re keeping the pit you’ve dug in your basement.

There are toothpastes that help. But brushing too enthusiastically is one of the things that caused the sensitivity to begin with. I’m trying to mend a gunshot wound by shooting it. And that’s a good summation of the state second puberty has left me in. I’m just fucked forever, so I guess I should try to look at the bright side: I’ll get to watch my body spontaneously do weird things for the rest of my life, like I’m a living video game glitch.

Luis is perpetuating the cycle as he digs into a pint of Haagen-Dazs chocolate-chocolate chip. In the meantime, you can find him on Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook.

For more, check out 7 Creepy Physical Changes Your Mind Can Make in Your Body and 6 Freaky Things Your Body Does (Explained by Science).

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out Why ‘Big’ Is More Terrifying Than You Remember, and watch other videos you won’t see on the site!

Also follow us on Facebook. You’ll be alright.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/puberty-sucks-but-second-puberty-is-just-the-god-awful-worst/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/180632214782

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allofbeercom · 6 years ago

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Puberty Sucks But Second Puberty Is Just The God-Awful Worst

After 9 I Can — And Will — Fall Asleep Anywhere

I’ve been afflicted with a punctual form of narcolepsy. No matter how caffeinated I am, I will fall asleep instantly if certain easily met conditions are present:

1) I have recently eaten dinner after having made dinner, which I do every night.

3) It is at least 9 p.m.

g-stockstudio/iStock When one of my molecules touches one couch fiber after a late dinner.

I’m Suddenly Allergic To Life

c8501089/iStock Why does this frighteningly appropriate stock photo even exist?

Xyzal.com They ran out of nonsense letter combos for pills halfway, so they restarted from the beginning of the alphabet.

Sorry, Xyzal, but I don’t know you, and I get the inkling that saying your name out loud summons a long-dormant demon. I just can’t take that risk.

I Can Drastically Change Pants Size In The Blink Of An Eye

My Shit Literally Never Stank Before I Hit My 30s

My Teeth Are Sensitive Little Snowflakes

Luis is perpetuating the cycle as he digs into a pint of Haagen-Dazs chocolate-chocolate chip. In the meantime, you can find him on Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook.

For more, check out 7 Creepy Physical Changes Your Mind Can Make in Your Body and 6 Freaky Things Your Body Does (Explained by Science).

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out Why ‘Big’ Is More Terrifying Than You Remember, and watch other videos you won’t see on the site!

Also follow us on Facebook. You’ll be alright.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/puberty-sucks-but-second-puberty-is-just-the-god-awful-worst/

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scoutshonor56 · 8 years ago

Text

Viva La Trump!

Here you go America, a bloated, vainglorious, dumpy-assed, absolutely clueless orange-skinned buffoon, with more plugs in his head than a third-rate, high school football field with cheap, second-hand Astroturf (donated by one of the nicer schools after they converted to natural grass)... and YOU elected him!

Clueless? Come on Bob, you’re being a little harsh aren’t you? I mean, after all, this guy is a billionaire and successful businessman, surely he knows something… ah, no he isn’t a successful businessman - see continuing lawsuits over questionable business practices (mostly stiffing contractors), multiple bankruptcies, and a failed “University” that was sued, resulting in a quietly and conveniently settled lawsuit (coughing up $25 million) just after he became “president” - and no, he does not “know something”, other than the fact that every time he signs a piece of paper at a White House desk he comes a little in his pants, but that’s a whole other blog.

Go ahead, take the Pepsi challenge: I dare you to watch this 8 minute clip from Thursday night’s “The Daily Show” and not want to run out of your house screaming with a large can of gasoline to then set yourself on fire like a Buddhist monk. Not want to rummage around in that kitchen drawer that contains all the crappy gadgets that you thought you just had to have but never use, looking for that “Home Lobotomy” kit. Go ahead!

Yes America, you elected this imposter – you let it happen. Oh, “but Clinton won the popular vote…”; “if it wasn’t for our antiquated Electoral College system…” Please – just stop. The fact that this clown wasn’t exposed and vetted out within the first 4 months of the primaries, let alone won, is all the evidence this court requires. Let me be perfectly clear: my issue isn’t just with Donald J. Trump; my issue is equally with an irresponsible media that traded in its journalistic integrity for ratings; my issue is equally with the millions of Americans who are SO STUPID, and SO GULLIBLE that they bought what this pompous, preening asshole was selling like a cure for baldness. My issue is equally with a voting populous who now are able to selectively shop for their “news” like they do for a box of cereal or a set of new tires. “Oh, I only buy Bridgestone!” Well, get ready for a lot of flats all you Gomers and Thelma Lu’s, and hopefully a recall.

Even ultra-conservative editorialist Charles Krauthammer, who regularly wrote about our last president like he was the illegitimate love child of Angela Davis and Karl Marx, has of late been harshly critiquing Trump as dangerously ill-informed, with grandiose, self-driven motives that will ultimately bring this country and our international standing down to an unprecedented level.

When Chuck starts slamming a GOP president, we’ve clearly got a red flag the size of my bed sheet.

But let’s focus this story a little bit; let’s take a look today at one of Donny’s biggest campaign banner issues: the building of a border wall. Odd that so many in the GOP party are standing behind this, as Ronald Reagan, the man who they adore with the fervor and intensity equal only to the Catholic church’s deification of saints, once famously stood at the Brandenburg Gate in West Berlin, Germany (June 12, 1987), and delivered probably his most famous line, "Mr.Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" As the world approached the end of the 20th century, even Ronnie knew that from both a political and economic standpoint, fences and walls were a thing of the past; holdovers from a different era, when nationalism and isolationism held sway. Any politician today under the age of 50 knows that in this 21st century, openness and cooperation – even with your enemies – is the heart of a relationship that greases the wheels of true world powers and their economy.

Even stripped down to an ideological core, walls represent one thing and one thing alone – division. KEEP OUT! says the sign on either side. In today’s world, those few still left who think they can go it alone, with only their self interest as a primary motivator and negotiation tool, are doomed to stagnate and wither on the vine as they watch their competitors race by. Today the world is interconnected in ways never seen before; sorry all you Trumpsters with your eyes nostalgically glued to a past never to return, it is now more than ever a techno-global community, and everybody gets to play. You don’t play smart and you will all too soon be sitting out the game. May as well get yourself a beer and some snacks, go into the living room, and binge watch re-runs of “The Apprentice” on Netflix.

Speaking of which, only Donny could come up with a show that climaxes every week with him yelling at some poor bastard, “You’re fired!!” Oh, the gleeful sentiment!

Latest estimated cost of Donny’s version of the Great Wall of China, complete with 10ft. tall DJT gold letters on both sides every other mile? Upwards of $25 billion. And once again the core of my anger with this current GOP party lies in its hypocrisy. For eight years we were treated to their hair-pulling hysterics about Obama “shoving things down our throat”, and “big government interference”, yet they are now ready to back a massive folly that is not only antiquated and self-destructive, but THAT NO ONE WANTS! I’ve lived here in Texas for forty years now, and I read a lot – every day. Nor is this the first time the ridiculous idea of a border wall been brought up. Every administration change since the year 2000 this rancid proposal floats to the surface like a bloated corpse, filled with noxious, conservative Republican gases. But trust me when I say you would be hard-pressed to find a single politician or local law enforcement agency in favor of a nearly 2,000 mile long wall running through their state, be they in California, Arizona, New Mexico, OR Texas.

You know, what the hell, just a suggestion, but before we let another bloated gasbag talk about a border wall, maybe we should check in with the people who actually live there and would be affected; you know, the folks who live, work, and raise family’s along the southern border of these four states.

Nope - not our new fearless leader. He rolls with whatever stirs the fears of his rabid followers. So let’s begin this issue by debunking one of Donny’s biggest lies that he is effectively selling only to the bitter and racist xenophobes who lead their lives looking for someone other than themselves to explain their personal and professional failures.

“Illegal border crossing is rampant! They’re stealing our jobs!!” And of course, according to Trump’s fear-mongering campaign rhetoric, also raping our women, flooding the country with drugs, and murdering our innocent citizens. Oh Donny, Donny, Donny… unfortunately, another one of those inconvenient truths, or “facts”, that you habitually refuse to acknowledge or accept, is the FACT that illegal border crossing has been declining since our economy went bust in 2008. I cite a 2016 article from “The Atlantic” here, but if you don’t like that one, feel free to refer to “FACTANK”, a feature of the Pew Research Center. As a matter of FACT, according to the Washington Post, fewer “illegals” crossed our southern border during Obama’s tenure than during the Bush administration.

But the crime! THE CRIME!! Our border towns are a bloody battle zone filled with hoards of violent, fence-jumping, pillaging miscreants! Actually, contrary to the fearful rhetoric of Donny’s Inauguration speech, which portrayed not just our border, but our entire nation as a gutted out, crime-ridden, dystopian hell-hole, violent crime across the country has been steadily dropping for the last twenty years, and the statistics prove it out. These same statistics hold true in our southern border town communities: according to a recent Texas Tribune, people there are much safer when compared to their larger, urban brother cities of Texas.

But hey, this is the age of “don’t let facts get in your way”, so if you prefer, go ahead – be afraid. Live in fear. “They” are out there, and they’re coming for you, your women, and your possessions! Quick, better pack the kids in the car and get down to the local gun store.

Speaking of His Highness’s Inauguration speech – ah, so uplifting, so hopeful - did you hear the good news? One of King Assclown’s first actions in office was to whip out his pen and declare his Inauguration Day as an official “National Day of Patriotic Devotion”! Jesus fucking Christ, sit down Kim Jung-un you amateur you!

But back to Assclown’s wall. I just can’t help but be amazed at the fact that when talking about a wall along our southern border, ANYONE would even entertain the opinions or thoughts of a pampered billionaire blow-hard who lives in a penthouse occupying the top three floors of a 58 story tower in downtown Manhattan, overlooking Central Park, and pimped out in 24K gold and imported marble. Well, other than to admit he certainly knows something about seclusion… By the way, I took the liberty of including this link, just so you could take a peek at “this man of the people” and his urban crib; after checking it out I’m sure you’ll agree that he obviously interacts on a daily basis with plenty of working class folks and Hispanics! Come on, remember his tweet on last year’s Cinco de Mayo day? “The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!” See? He’s obviously sort of a modern day melding of Che Guevara and Robin Hood, adored by the common masses.

OK, let’s back up a little and focus even further on the home turf - Texas: I read somewhere that back in the 1800’s, folks fleeing to Texas in search of a better life would leave their homes and chalk GTT on their doors, letting friends and neighbors know that they had “Gone To Texas”. Well, back in the late ‘70’s and throughout the ‘80’s, Texas was again being seen as the new land of opportunity and a fresh start to thousands of people fleeing the Northeast and Midwest for greener (and warmer) pastures. Back in those heady times a similar sentiment was expressed: “Not from Texas, but I got here as soon as I could!”, and it was soon popularly seen on bumper stickers and T-shirts that you would see around town. No, I never owned or displayed one, but one of those “carpet-bagging Yankees” was me, back in the winter of 1976/77 and at the ripe and blissfully optimistic age of 20. My point being, I know Texas as well as any Texan; I’ve lived here my entire adult life, even marrying a local who was born and raised right here in Houston.

Upon my arrival, it didn’t take me long, even back then, to observe that my newly adapted home, like all Texas cities, exercised what I would call a “soft” view, or attitude, toward our Hispanic neighbors and the workforce they provided; it’s just the way it was and will continue to be, and any true and honest Texan will admit it. It’s called reality. According to a recent article in the Houston Chronicle, the Hispanic demographic will continue to drive the majority of growth in our Texas' population, which is expected to double to 50 million by 2050; and all projections point to a state that will be three fifths Hispanic by then.

And now, along comes Trump. So why does he obsess so over Mexico? Well, Houston Chronicle’s business section columnist, Chris Tomlinson, had a few thoughts on that yesterday:

“President Trump’s proposal to levy a 20% tariff on imports from Mexico is geopolitical bullying of the worst kind and could have dramatic consequences. When it comes to our foreign trade deficit, Mexico is not even close to our biggest problem. But Trump doesn’t have the guts to go after more powerful countries, so he leverages American prejudices to kick around Mexico, our much smaller and less wealthy neighbor.”

Hmmm - ends out our trade deficit with Mexico is only $60.6 billion, while that of China is a whopping $367B. Germany - $74.9B. Japan – 68.6B. Out of our five largest trade partners, only Canada has a smaller deficit than Mexico ($15.5B). And who wants to fuck with Canada, am I right Donny? I mean, they’re, well… white.

Tomlinson goes on: “Trump’s proposed tariff would destroy the largest free trade agreement in the world, trigger a trade war, and drive up the prices of everything we buy from Mexico by at least 20%. This would also force Mexico to build stronger trade ties with China, while ruining our alliance with our southern neighbor.”

“So what”, you say – “who buys shit from Mexico anyways?” Texas does. In 2015 we bought $84B in goods while exporting $92B worth. That’s right, Texas has an $8B trade surplus with Mexico. And in regards to Trump’s other targeted international agreements, NAFTA (North American Free Trade Agreement) and the TPP (Trans-Pacific Partnership)? To paraphrase Chris Wallace, president of the Texas Association of Business, and quoted in Tomlinson’s editorial, “Texas is the largest exporting state and one of the largest importing states, and by dismantling these trade agreements Texas could suffer severe repercussions. There is no question that Texas has benefitted more than any other state from NAFTA and will be hurt the most if it is killed.”

Now imagine Houston’s dismay when our ship channel, America’s busiest seaport, heard the news that President Assclown has already backed out of the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TTP). In the last five years or so we spent millions on widening and deepening the channel and installing a new, huge, state of the art multiple crane system to accommodate today’s larger ships and growing shipping industry. Now, all for naught. It’s like spending years preparing an Olympic team for competition, then only to see the games get cancelled. This will greatly affect Texas jobs and will add up to millions and millions in lost revenue. Briefly back to Krauthammer and his editorial yesterday:

“We are embarking upon insularity and smallness. Nor is this just theory. Trump’s long-promised but nonetheless abrupt withdrawal from the Trans-Pacific Partnership is the momentous first fruit of his foreign policy doctrine. Last year the prime minister of Singapore told John McCain that if we pulled out of the TPP ‘you’ll be finished in Asia.’ He knows the region.”

Are you getting a sense yet, of the brilliance of Donny’s business acumen? A man who through decades of “in the trenches”, high-level corporate boardroom experience seems to intuitively know his customer and how best to maximize their profit? I know I am!

So Bravo Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto, who this week chose to back out of his visit with Trump and the White House. Let’s face it, what would be the point? Way to go Donny, barely a week in office and already getting cancellations from world leaders! I think Nieto mentioned there was a scheduling conflict, apparently that was the day he usually straightens out his sock drawer…

In closing, last night, as I was writing this very blog, around 9:00 I heard quite a continuing festive clamor coming from my open front window up here on the third floor of my apartment building, so I decided it would be a good time to take my ever-faithful companion, Bear, out for a walk and investigate. It was a nice, clear and cool evening, and as we turned around the block and headed toward the main thoroughfare in my neighborhood, Yale St., I was taken back when I saw a veritable parade of brightly (even gaudily) lit, bicycles and riders of all ages filling the street and spilling out onto the sidewalks, many bearing speakers that were blaring out Hispanic music - awesome! Curious as to the nature of the celebration, I stopped and chatted with one of the celebrants who was taking a break on the sidewalk. He told me there’s a group that does this every last Friday of the month, and they start downtown (about 5 miles east of here) before riding out into the surrounding neighborhoods. Moms, dads, kids, flags and music and smiles – FUCK YOU Trumpasita, that’s the true heart of American spirit and patriotism today, and it’s alive and free, and will not be contained or held back by your false and divisive proclamations issued from your new palace in Washington. My advice to Melania? Ahh, might want to hold off for 3 or 4 months before ordering all the new furniture and drapery – just sayin’…

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