#about the people he thought he could trust... and especially the one he thought loved him most (narcissa) --

[kiefbowl]

What about amateur porn or drawn erotica?

"amateur porn" is mostly a marketing term. it's meant to convey an idea that the porn is "homemade." but what stops people from just producing and marketing content that looks like that? especially since the idea has been pushed successfully that this is "more ethical porn." That is capitalism 101 - find a market you aren't capturing, make them a product they'll buy.

Even in the event it's not actually a production by a studio, you cannot verify that the porn you're watching is not a woman in an abusive relationship with a pimp. Boyfriends become pimps all the time. I think people have this idea that pimps are caricatures that pop out of the ground organically and fully formed, like some sort of mythological "bad guy." They don't stop to think that any opportunistic man (or woman) can become a pimp easily by just having access to a vulnerable woman. If someone enjoys porn, I think it's easy and worthwhile for them to have a disconnect between what "real abusers" do and what happens in a mythical porn setting that's more convenient to imagine. Yet do you need to look far to find examples of couples either A) joking how much money they could make if the wife would get on OF B) fighting because the husband wants the wife to get on OF to increase their revenue and she doesn't or C) just flat out admitting the wife is on OF and how much money it brings to the table? Besides the fact that in any one of these situations, this could be a covert marketing tactic by OF working with a couple, but even if it's not...why believe in scenario C that the husband is just some good guy and this is just some normal situation they fell into? The difference between scenario C and a pimp is what? They're being public about it by framing it a certain way? Well if that makes the public normalize it, why wouldn't "real" pimps just take that lead and do the same? My point is that there is no distinction: a man (whether it's a stranger, a friend, a dad, a husband, a boyfriend) exerting control over a woman by making her perform sexual acts for his own profit is a pimp, and I don't see why we should trust the way he frames it publicly, even if he says "I'm just a progressive husband who isn't jealous and loves that my wife shakes ass online for our family" or whatever gets people to go "cool! I will not questions this."

I'm sure you're asking in good faith anon, so this isn't directed specifically at you, but often when porn watchers are engaging in debate about porn, they'll start bringing up things like 'drawn erotica' as if it's some sort of gotcha. To me, it's so revealing how little they care about the arguments presented about the harms of the porn industry because yes, obviously drawn erotica is different than filming real humans having sex. It also reveals some sort of assumed bias that the person presenting objections to porn without appealing to religious morality or puritanical ideas about sex are somehow being deceitful. As if once "victimless porn" is brought up, they'll be unable to lie and their true nature will be revealed because they'll have some thinly veiled excuses about how drawn porn is obviously just as bad, because it's so sexy!

Drawings of people having sex or being naked and sexual are not above criticism in how they replicate harmful ideas about sex, sexuality, and gender - but they also aren't literal forms of violence against real people. So, it's irrelevant to the discussion of vulnerable people being pushed into porn to perform sexual acts against their will to a point of ruination. If someone feels comfortable continuing to watch and masturbate to porn after this has been explained to them, I don't see why any thoughts I have on erotica written or drawn or otherwise really matters. They can't be convinced through that avenue, clearly. They're probably willing to take whatever thread they can pull on to justify their consumption and to assuage their conscience over watching porn. That to me signifies a porn addiction, because even a casual viewer of porn who's never come across any anti-porn arguments knows they can live without porn, knows they don't need to defend it tooth and nail, and will not play stupid about comparisons to real people having sex on film/enacting violence on each other to erotic drawings.

At the end of the day, re: erotica, I would need to take each thing of media in it's own right and judge it for itself (like all film, books, and art). If it replicates pornographic images (i.e. the film language of porn that I take issue with vis-a-vis misogyny and violence against women), then yeah I'm going to have a problem with it. Not because it's sexual, but because it's content is disagreeable to me in that it's misogynistic. The scale for that is going to be sliding - the difference between a causal representation of unexamined gender dynamics and extremely violent CSAM is huge. I don't take issues with people finding, say, mild 18th century drawings titillating as much as I take issues with people acting entitled to violent images as if their masturbation depends on it and they're entitled to masturbate to whatever they want. Why? I masturbate to my imagination all the time. It's literally the easiest and most natural thing to do. If someone can't, it's probably because they're addicted to porn. If desperate poor women being pushed into drugs to continue making porn that becomes increasingly violent doesn't stop someone from watching porn, then maybe I should ask them to get angry at porn for altering their brain so badly. That's how desperate people sound when they have to scrape the bottom of the barrel in the face of facts about violence, poverty, suicide, and abuse.

[hottakehoulihan]

Toughie, and I'm supposed to log off now, and my head is a mess because news. Also I forget things

Maybe later when I'm in a better headspace I'll answer again with a modified list, but here's a baker's handful of ones I thought of first:

It Starts With One, by Discreet -> Skitter decides that billionaires should not exist. There aren't many capes in her world, but Alexandria will stop her crimespree. Artfic and politicsfic.

Tabloid, by BabylonSheep -> A smalltime cape with smalltime powers that help him be a photographer wants to keep himself safe in this scary world. He takes pictures of some bigname Wards (and we get to see them) and story happens. Artfic.

Her Strength Alone, by HopefulPenguin -> Many generations after the end of Worm (Ward didn't happen) the major characters who spent time in Brockton Bay are remembered and worshiped as gods, and the shards and powers are somehow tapped by those who recall them. I'd be 1000% into reading this story already, but it gets better. One of the main characters from BB is thrust into that deep future era. Not who you'd think. It's interesting and fun. I can't wait to reread it. HopefulPenguin also wrote Deputy, which I liked. I'm a fan of anyone who gives Piggot her due.

Cenotaph by notes -> (A trilogy, actually) When Taylor loses her father early in the story, the butterfly effect is more like a swarm of butterfly knives. I particularly like how commando she lives. She dines on honey granola sometimes and none of the ingredients were ever in a store. I haven't read this in a long long time but I trust I'll love it again when I reread.

Setanta by Ritic -> A nice long fic set just after Worm and with original characters. GM broke many people, and our protag was a child who was broken until he fixated on becoming a superhero as a way to hold his identity together. He doesn't have powers, but he kinda worked so hard at his goal that maybe he doesn't need them? But you'd never get him to accept that. And Teacher's still out there. I recently did one of my halfassed reviews of this under my #wormfic tag. Companion Chronicles by Tempestuous -> (Bonus, to ensure I give good value). This is a "jumpchain" and the first I'd ever encountered. A gal (not actress) from a children's TV show (you haven't seen it but it's insanely popular with a lot of people) gets sucked into a multiple-fanverse crew of people who travel from 'verse to 'verse. ...and their next 'verse is Worm. They read up on it and prepare their special abilities accordingly. Lots of curbstomp, but in the end? Well, the ending is literally 80% of why I like the story. I yammered about it before so I won't risk spoiling it again. The story continues after the Worm portion but I stopped there.

There are some others I could consider, but I'm letting HP die, and one-shot mini-fics or short crackfics (LORD DOOM and Binge Watch and Taylor Has a Strange Hobby and others) aren't in the spirit I think and should probably be their own competition. ...and although I love several unfinished shipfics (I hope for Alec Goes to Winslow to update/conclude (or at least get an outline of the planned future), and some PillBug fics too) those aren't...

I probably forgot some, and I could nitpick the order I put these in all day, but I need to get work done.

Also I'm kind of a slut for completed lengthy wormfic and especially completed works and/or original characters. I can think of only a handful of stories I disliked and most of those were written with contempt for both the original work and for the craft of writing. The remainder? I'll probably try again some day. Maybe.

what are your guys top 5 fav wormfics of all time? with a bit of explanation if you don't mind.

doesn't need to be in any particular order, just curious what wormblrians have read and enjoyed and also maybe get some recs out of it

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Same as it ever was 14

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as neglect, bullying, manipulation, cheating, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Between your home life and work, you just can’t catch a break. Especially after you draw the ire of your boss.

Characters: Lloyd Hansen ft. Pete Brenner

Note: Happy Tuesday

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

“Promise, Pete, I’ll get her back in one piece,” Hansen vows with a wink and a nudge. 

You sit helpless in his passenger seat. He has one hand on the open door as he faces your husband. Pete won’t look at you but you can barely do the same of him. Funny, how you’re so eager to be away from him that you’re not even that bothered at the prospect of spending the day with your boss. 

“You’re a life saver. Really. Never had a boss that cool,” Pete says. 

“Well, you know, I gotta admit. Your wife carries a big load at work. She’s saved my ass more than once and she kinda holds the whole place together. I’m sure you know exactly what that’s like, huh?” Hansen proclaims. 

“Uh, yeah I do,” Pete has the decency to sound ashamed. It’s too bad he couldn’t have seen that years ago. 

“Lucky man. We’re gonna figure it out. She’s strong, we both know you can’t keep her down,” he clicks his tongue.  

“Right, uh, well, I could take her if it’s easier.” 

“What? Pete? You were just telling me about that big meeting. Good luck!” He slaps Pete’s shoulder. “You’ll have to bring us some good news.” 

“Uh, right,” Pete grumbles, “um, honey, I... I love you. I hope the doctor can help.” 

“Thanks,” you say curtly. “Don’t wanna be late.” 

“Gotta listen to the wife, right? Always knows best,” Hansen chortles. “Watch out, sweetheart, don’t wanna catch you.” 

He closes the door as you keep your head straight. Their voices are muffled and you’re thankful for the mental break. The two of them don’t stop. You don’t know how you didn’t see the similarities before. 

You close your eyes and Lloyd drops into the driver’s side. You don’t flinch. He turns the engine and you stay just as you are. He pulls out and the motion sends a ripple through you. The painkiller might have something to do with that. 

“So, the old man and you are... icy,” he says. 

“That’s personal.” 

“Well, baby cakes, think we’re well past blurring lines,” he scoffs. 

“What do you care?” 

“Hey, I’m not entirely heartless. My balls just happen to be more sensitive,” he snickers. “Trust me, I’m not getting sentimental. I want you back to operational. That means whatever stick is lodged up your ass needs to come out so mine can get in.” 

“Disgusting,” you growl. 

“Mm, please, talk dirty to me, baby,” he purrs. 

You snap your mouth shut and grimace. You can’t help but think of the night before. Of Pete all over you. Just like the man beside you, he didn’t listen either. Your own husband... 

“Jesus, I know you’re high on percs but try to lighten up,” he intones. 

You rub your cheek and pry your eyes open, “are you really taking me to a doctor?” 

“As much as I’d rather be taking you to a penthouse and breaking your back more than it already is, yes, I’m taking you for real help. I got a magic mustache and even better tongue but I can’t fix whatever the fuck happened to you,” he shakes his head. “And judging by the way that creature had his tail tucked up where his dick should be, I think he had something to do with it.” 

He sniffs and squints at the road. He gives a thoughtful hum. 

“Petey doesn’t seem like the wife beater type, but I guess-” 

“The fuck? He didn’t-- Argh!” You grip your hip and spasm as you tense at the accusation. “He didn’t... mean to. I slipped.” 

“Huh, dropped you? Man can’t handle all of you, can he?” 

“Hansen,” you warn. 

“I could give him some lessons, if you want.” 

“Stop, please. I’m already going insane with you--” 

“Oh, I know, I got that something that makes the ladies go wacky,” he preens. 

“Urgh, for the love--” 

“Relax. Please. You really can’t help yourself. You’re making it worse. Legit. You’re getting actually butthurt because you can’t let up for one minute,” he reprimands. “I’m dying to get in there and loosen you up but you gotta meet me halfway. So chill.” 

You growl but try to take his advice. The tension is too much. If you keep going on like this, something’s going to give. With what the doctor said about your blood pressure, it could even be your heart. 

You watch the road. It’s nice to not be in control. To not be taxiing someone around; to not be the one worried about time or anything. Still, it’s that underlying reality that keeps you edgy. 

Lloyd pulls in at a clinic on the north end. It’s the kind you could never afford. You’re pretty sure you get a free Costco membership just for being a patient. 

As he parks, you sit up. He tuts, “now, you let good old Lloyd help you with your broken tush, babykins.” 

You send him a derisive look but don’t argue. The painkiller is kicking in and makes even him tolerable. He gets out and you watch him come around. 

He opens your door and with uncharacteristic caution, slides his arm behind you. You lean on him as you stand. He’s actually helping you. Your back buckles but he keeps you steady. He closes the door with his other arm and ushers you slowly across the lot. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” You ask. 

“What?” He laughs. “I’m helping you, sweet cheeks.” 

“Exactly. You’re helping me. Why?” 

“I’ve been pretty honest how hungry I am for the peach,” he returns. 

“It can’t be just that.” you growl. “I’m not stupid.” 

“Oh, I know you aren’t. That’s half the fun. Easy enough to get a bimbo on my desk. Boring, now that I think of it--” 

You hiss and grab onto his forearm to keep from collapsing. You hate that you’re latching onto him for comfort. At that moment, you don’t have much else; in several ways. 

“Easy, alright,” he coaxes. “We’ll get you inside and sitting down. Hopefully it’s not as bad as it looks.” He whistles as he approaches the doors and kicks the automatic door button. “You’re looking rough.” 

“Gee, thanks, Hansen. You really know how to flatter a woman.” 

“More like flatten but we’ll get to that.” 

“Gah,” you snarl as he ushers you through the lobby. “You are the most vile man I’ve ever met.” 

“Ah, you really think so?” He angles you with him as he approaches the elevator and reaches to tap the button. “I don’t got a wife and kids at home waiting for me as I’m fucking the intern. Nah, I’m just tempting a working mom into adultery--” 

“Shut the fuck up!” You bark as the doors open. An elder woman is wheeled out at she sends you an appalled gape. Lloyd smiles and guides you into the elevator. 

“Not hard to piece together, you know?” 

“I’m telling you,” you warn him as the lobby is shut out by the metal doors. “It’s none of your business.” 

“It’s not and I don’t really care if Pete is boning the assistant he’s underpaying. But it explains a lot.” 

“Does it?” You snip. 

“Oh yeah. The way you leak like a faucet whenever I’m near for one--” 

“Gross.” 

“And the skill. Ma’am, I know you’ve been dreaming of it in that empty bed. The neglected wife, wiling away her spare hours, longing... well, here I am, baby, your knight in shining armour.” 

You whimper. The pain in your back is dull enough that you can bear it. It’s his needling that’s driving you up the wall. You need him to stop. You need everything to stop. You need one day when you’re not a plaything, not a wife, not a mom. 

“Keep sneering at me but we both know you came yesterday and it had nothing to do with the pills,” he taunts smugly. “So let me fix you up and I’ll give you all the Os you can handle.” 

🗄️

“It’s not a fracture,” the doctor turns away from the black and white images. “But I’m sure it hurts. You definitely bruised the bone but from what I can tell, your muscles are tight. It’s adding pressure to the trauma point. Pinching on a nerve or two.” 

You nod. It’s a relief that you didn’t break anything it’s not entirely great news. Lloyd turns away from the skeletal diagram on the table. “So, she’s fine?” 

“She’s in a lot of pain, isn’t she?” The doctor says. “She needs to go home. Relax. Sleep, if you can.” 

“Anything I can do to help?” He offers. “I really can’t stand to see her like this, doc. It makes me feel so powerless.” 

He touches his chest dramatically and you make a face.  

“Gentle massage. Just tender. Nothing to intense. Don’t push on anything,” he explains. “Warm bath if you can bear it, ice too. You said you have a support cushion?” You nod. “If you have to sit up, use it.” 

“I can handle that,” Lloyd drawls. “I can be gentle.” 

He smirks at you as you send him a sharp look. His lashes flick and his irises flare. You could punch him in the face and you think it would only egg him on. 

“Doc,” Lloyd nears him, “thanks. I owe ya. I’ll have a bottle of scotch sent to the practice.” 

“Just doing my job but I don’t mind a good cask-aged bottle.” 

“Consider it on its way,” Lloyd assures him and turns to you. 

You thank the doctor and let Lloyd help you off the bed. You don’t have the strength or energy to resist. It’s just the same as the last professional prescribed. Rest. You think he might just have to listen to the experts and give you a break. 

“Alright, let’s get you home, baby,” he cooes as you pass through the waiting room. You catch the glance of a woman who watches with envy as her husband slumps with arms crossed and resists a midday nap. If only she knew the type of man Lloyd truly is. 

He reclines the seat in the car for you. You close your eyes. The pills make you tired, just like everything else. 

The smooth motion of the car lulls you. You startle as you find yourself still. Lloyd lifts you from the seat and you spasm. You whimper and he clucks. 

“There ya go, making it all worse again,” he chides. 

You grab onto his shoulder. You can’t help but think of how Pete let you fall. You fear another crash down to earth. 

“I work out, baby face, don’t fucking worry,” he assures you. 

You furrow your brow and look around. You’re not in your neighbourhood. You thought he was taking you home. Instead, you’re staring up at one of those overpriced modern builds. 

“It’s glorious, isn’t it? The high life.” 

You don’t answer him. There’s nothing you could say that could convince him you’re not covetous, because you are. You could’ve gone down this road. You could’ve skipped the dry marriage and the fussy kids. 

That thought scourges you with guilt. You love your children and once upon a time you loved your husband too. It can’t be a mistake if it made you happy once. Simone and Malik still do make you happy. Hopeful, even. 

He brings you through the front door and strides into the airy front room. The windows stretch from ceiling to floor and let in the day. He lays you on the spacious sectional, the cushions wide enough for two, and he drags a pillow over for you. 

You close your eyes, content to just be in one place. 

He tugs your shirt up and exposes your stomach. You tug it back down and your lashes snap open. He tilts his head at you. 

“Baby, I’m helping.” 

“Leave it,” you warn. 

“What’s the problem? I saw it all before.” 

You glare at him. The problem is it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t need to gawk at you. He doesn’t need to count the ways you can’t compare to Kendra and those other pretty interns. Just like the one your husband is fucking. 

“Leave that at the goddamn door,” he says as if he can read your mind. 

He yanks again and you relent. Whatever. You’re just something to be used. For Pete, you’re a dishwasher and a laundry machine. For Lloyd, you’re a piece of flesh and fodder for his twisted ego games. 

He undresses you with a tenderness so unlike him. His hands rove up and down your body with each piece he removes. When you’re completely exposed, you cover yourself futilely with your hands. He tweaks your nipple then toys with it. 

“Gotta turn you over,” he winks. “My favourite position.” 

“You can’t--” 

“Relax, I’m not gonna finish the job,” he taps your thigh. 

He helps you shift onto your side. You groan and grunt with the effort. You hug one of the cushions and lean onto it, your back to him. He flutters his fingers down your side and goosebumps rise over your skin. 

You shiver and he chuckles, “feels nice, huh? See, I can be a good boy.” 

You don’t reply. You close your eyes and cling to the strands of delight. That relief is so fleeting. He drags his fingers up and down and around your lower back. He sweeps around your hip and retraces the same path. Your muscles quiver but unwind. 

“That’s it,” he encourages you. 

You moan as the heat of his fingers seeps into you. It’s nice. You haven’t feel this placid in so long. Your head stirs and your limbs slacken. You forget the world and just let yourself be in that feeling. 

His hand creep along the back of your thigh then between your legs. He wiggles between them and you flinches. He pushes against your slit and rubs the side of his index against your clit. 

“Hansen,” you rasps. 

“Shhhh,” he hushes you. “Doctor’s orders. You need to relax.” 

[cheeseatlantic]

GALA APPLE (OF HIS EYE)

sugardaddy!graves x fem reader

“You look stunning,” Phillip’s voice was low, rough, and for a moment, you felt the weight of his gaze on you—like he was scanning you, taking in every detail. His approval, though subtle, was there. You could always feel it.

You ran your fingers over the fabric of your black gown, the smooth satin falling in soft waves around your body. The dress clung in all the right places, a deep V neckline revealing just enough to tease, and the slit along your leg gave glimpses of your thigh with every step. The high heels were unforgiving, but they made you feel powerful, confident, as if you too belonged in this room of high stakes.

The shadows. They were always with you. Always watching. You didn’t need to look to know that Graves’ men—the Shadows—had positioned themselves in the corners of the room. You’d never seen their faces, only the vague outline of their presence as they blended into the background, lurking in places that felt too close for comfort, ensuring the security of their boss. They were silent and invisible, moving like whispers through the room, eyes always alert, always following.

You didn’t mind it, though. You knew the game. You knew the rules. Graves was no stranger to dangerous work, and neither were the men who followed him, his most trusted, shadow-clad soldiers. They were his private army, his ghosts. And tonight, they had a simple task: protect you.

“Relax,” Graves murmured against your ear, his fingers brushing the nape of your neck as he led you toward a velvet-draped table where high-profile guests sat. The air was thick with power, the kind that could suffocate you if you let it, but you thrived under it. You were his baby, after all—the one who got to flaunt her sugar daddy in front of the world.

“I am,” you replied, taking a deep breath as you placed your hand on his arm, pretending to look more composed than you felt. It wasn’t just the power of the room that made your pulse race, it was the dangerous tension you felt when you were near Graves—like everything could slip into chaos at any given moment.

A voice interrupted your thoughts, smooth but laced with an edge. “Graves, you made it.”

You turned to see a tall, broad man in a sharp suit, his smile calculating. His eyes flickered over you quickly, as if sizing you up, before returning to Graves with a nod of respect.

“We made it,” Graves replied, his hand tightening around your waist, subtly pulling you closer as if to mark you as his own. The gesture was possessive, commanding, and your heart fluttered with a mix of excitement and nervousness.

“This is my…,” Graves trailed off, his voice lowering just slightly as he glanced down at you, the hint of a smile playing at his lips. The shadows were always there, surrounding him, but you didn’t need to ask. He didn’t need to finish his sentence. “My girl. My baby.”

The words sent a thrill down your spine. You loved when he called you his, even in front of these people, especially them. It was like a badge of honor—proof that you were his and no one else’s.

The man in front of you smiled knowingly, but his eyes were calculating. “You’re quite the arm candy, Graves,” he teased, his gaze lingering a moment longer than necessary before he turned to take a sip from his drink.

Graves’ lips twitched, a silent warning in his eyes. “Watch your tongue, Hudson. You wouldn’t want to be misinformed about what’s mine.”

The tension between them thickened, but it was brief. You noticed the way Hudson’s posture stiffened at the subtle threat. Graves wasn’t the type to be underestimated, not by anyone. And you? You were his. He was protective, and the way his fingers tightened on your waist proved it.

Another figure approached the table then, cutting through the crowd with the same menacing grace you’d grown accustomed to—the Shadows weren’t just men; they were ghosts in the flesh. This one was tall, with an intimidating presence. He looked at you once before focusing on Graves.

“Everything’s secure,” he said, his voice low and rasping, eyes scanning the room with the precision of someone who had seen too much to care about small talk. His eyes flickered over you for a split second, and you knew he was appraising you—just as he had with Graves’ last “projects.” But his gaze softened slightly when it returned to you. You were his boss’s property, after all.

“Good,” Graves responded, his voice cold but calm. You could sense the authority in his tone. “I trust you’ve taken care of the details, Bishop?”

Bishop gave a sharp nod before turning, retreating back into the shadows, as his name suggested.

You knew what he meant by details. You knew the Shadows took care of anything that threatened their operation. Tonight, the PMC gala was simply another moment to flaunt their success, and you were the perfect centerpiece—beautiful, dangerous, and utterly tied to Graves.

As the night progressed, the whispers around you grew louder. Men and women in tailored suits and expensive gowns eyed you with curiosity. They couldn’t help it. You were Graves’ possession, and everyone knew it. What they didn’t know—what they couldn’t see—was the tension that pulsed between you and him.

The night was growing darker, both outside and in the room. The lights dimmed, and the sounds of the party melted away into a low hum. Graves leaned closer, his lips grazing your ear as he whispered. “You’re mine tonight, baby. No one else’s.”

Your pulse spiked at the commanding tone in his voice, the possessiveness wrapped in dark velvet. You nodded, knowing that nothing in this room would deter him from showing you off, from making everyone else see just who you belonged to.

And as the Shadows moved around you, blending with the dimming lights, you couldn’t help but feel the thrill of it all—the danger, the power, and the unspoken agreement between you and Graves.

You were his, and tonight, you would let the world know just how far he was willing to go to claim you. No one would dare try to take you away from him.

fun fact im allergic to apples cause of pollen food allergy syndrome but i live them, gala apples are my favourite hence the title ;)

[baekhyoris]

boyfriend!neji who thinks he's obvious with his feelings towards you, but he very much is not.

boyfriend!neji who pines after you from afar. who's thoughts always wanders back to you no matter what.

boyfriend!neji who enjoys sparring with you. who before he confesses to you, he frequently uses it as an excuse to have 1 on 1 time with you.

boyfriend!neji who takes his sweet time with asking you out, only doing so during a moment of vulnerability between the two of you after a mission.

boyfriend!neji who dislikes PDA, but when your eyes meet, there is a quiet, adoring look in his eyes that makes you feel like the only people in the room.

boyfriend!neji who's love languages are gift giving and quality time. who will make you a hot cup of tea whenever he's at home, the both of you sitting in comfortable silence. who will gift you small trinkets. whether it be a necklace, a hairpin, or something you offhandedly mentioned in the past. anything that will remind you of him whenever he is away.

boyfriend!neji who organizes picnics at the riverbank when there is a lull in his schedule. who will watch you skip stone across the river, an arm wrapped around your waist as he allows the serenity of the moment to fully sink in.

boyfriend!neji who enjoys listening to you talking about anything and everything under the sun. though he's a man of few words, he is a rapt listener. from a wild recount of a mission to seeing a cat in an alleyway, he wants to learn all of the things that make up you.

boyfriend!neji who secretly loves when you brush his hair, especially after a tiring day. who could fall asleep to the feeling of your fingers separating his hair into sections and taking the time to comb through each one.

boyfriend!neji who feels in heaven whenever you massage his temples after such extensive use of his byakugan. who sits between your legs, head resting on your chest as your fingers rubs firm and steady circles against his aching temples. who finds it so peaceful he falls asleep in your arms.

boyfriend!neji who loves to be held as much as he loves holding you. it's the feeling of safety and of being loved that comes with such vulnerability and he never once thought it would be so freeing. who's body instantly melts the moment your arms wrap around him, head resting on the crook of his neck.

boyfriend!neji who can't imagine you getting hurt during missions. who makes it his priority to protect you, even at the cost of his own life.

boyfriend!neji who would give you forehead kisses when he's feeling especially loving. who's lips always linger, the kiss almost like a brand. it's yet another way of affirming his love for you.

boyfriend!neji who is a man of few words, but the ways in which he pours all of his affection into each kiss—whether chaste or deep—is like a language in of itself. one that only you and him understand. who first kisses you like your lips will shatter if he applies too much pressure. but the more comfortable he is with you, the more passionate his kisses become. who's kisses can—and will—leave you weak in the knees and wanting more and more.

boyfriend!neji who gives you his everything once he fully trusts you with his heart. who's love for you burns bright and has no signs of withering away.

boyfriend!neji who feels as free as a bird whenever he is around you. who can't imagine spending the rest of his life with anyone else. who starts thinking your name would sound quite nice with "hyuga" as a last name once the caged bird seal is finally removed.

might do an nsfw version of this if anyone's interested! ask box is opened so talk to me!

[ilikelookingatthings]

Somethings that frusterates me about Luka....

like...first I need to establish I DO like Luka. He is objectively great. There is a good reason he turned Marinette's compass after all. I can 100 oercent get why people ship lukanette. (I think people need to stop putting adrien down when shipping them but that's a different topic altogether.

The weirdness that he was definitly julieka's older brother but then got weirdly retconned to be the same age and her twin js still weird when he's suppoused to give off slightly older boy mature energy......like he's still great but I'm suddenly more confused why the show puts so much weight in Luke's words when he IS THE SAME AGE as everyone else.

Luka is great. He's mature. Tends to be very patient with marinette and is able to be honest about his feelings without putting oressure in her...and he does support her in her crushes.

And dude has good observation skills as the snake. I still find it really funny that luka is actually one of the people ADRIEN/CHAT chose to be a hero because mari's adrien blinders were on. And majes me trust luka more cuz as much as people act like Adrien is blind....he's got pretty good instincts for people.

I kindof wish the show would allow Luka to be angry at his dad or others more often....like....dude is a teen and apparently the same age...it's not like mari broke up with him because she didn't like luka(even if everyone ekse but luka thought it was due to lingering feelings for adrien).

Dude should be allowed to be upset at his crush not liking him back especially when mari(I love you but mari WHY!?) CAN be pretty insensative.

Like....a lot of people see Luka as perfect for Marinette.....after all he's not pushy. He's cute. Creatuve/talented. Has a passion. He's good at communicating and patient no matter how bad marinette is at communicating. He puts mari at ease and she has been honest with Luka in a way sge isn't with Adrien....she lets herself rely on luka. And mari tends to get frazzled so Luka soothing her IS important....and we HAVE seen mari IS attracted to Luka. She was willing to kiss him if a akuma hadn't interrupted and she didn't want to lie to Luka. There is DEFINITLY something there.

But I actuactually think what draws everyone to luka(his patience and understanding and not pushing his feelings on mari)....could actually be a issue. Mostly because it actually ENABLES one of mari's most consistent flaws. Mari tends to hate being vulnerable and committing when her emotions are involved.

While she never WANTS to be insensative about other's feelings.....Mari can and WILL put her emotional comfort over other people even if she knows its probably a dick movement. Mari is REALLY bad at putting herself in other people's shoes without her own understandable teenage bias toward her own feelings KICKING doors down.

Luka being so understanding actually let's her put considering his feelings to the side. Mari let Luka driver her to the plane for the newyork trip while yapping about Adrien that entire time to Luka despite knowing Luka likes her while her secert motive wa to go on the trip with Adrien cuz she didn't want Adrien alone with lila. Mari despite having vibes with Luka and being taught guitar separated herself from Luka and then brought up the idea if adrien playing with jagged stone...even asking Luka for his guitar and ignoring how even Adrien pointed out Adrien wasn't a guitar player.

Mari would talk to Luka about her struggles with telling Adrien her feelings despite KNOWING Luka likes her. Luka was even understanding about her ditching the dates and felt he was in the wrong about pressing for answers and apologized afterwards just fir her to freak up with him....Luka was still clearly interested abd brought up if she ever wanted to try again...he is there....but dude was so sweet about the break up and yet Mari was the one avoiding him and put julieka in a tight spot cuz Mari asked her to disinvited Luka from his own birthday party so Mari could avoid him despite Luka being the chillist guy ever!

As much as I get people get annoyed at Adrien/chat and kagami for how strait forward they are about their feelings...

Honestky they show a different type of maturity because they know you can't just wait to get what you want. You have speak up and show you want it AND speak up if you feel a certain behaviour isn't okay because kagami and Adrien know they have to speak up for their own treatment and feelings. It can be seen as pushy....but it can also show how much they want sonething or like someone and how they want those feelings acknowledged.

Luka's patience and wanting mari to go at her own pace is wonderful....but it enables mari to NOT make decisions and forget to consider luk's feelings and opinions more. As much as luka likes her....from her view he doesn't like her enough to get upset at her...or to try to fight fir her.... or fight for his feelings to be noticed and treated properly.

I HONESTLY feel like Luka definitly had a real chance to woo Marinette. He turned her compass, she could talk to him...the way she looked at him during wish maker?!

Was I glad luka went to check on adrien as well? Yes. Bjt I was also screaming internally because there was CLEAR signs mari liked luka that could grow if he tried to focus on them! I know luka ACTUALLY is that good of a guy and wants mari to be happy so tries to help her with Adrien on multiple occasions..

...but I kept thinking of how everyone thought Mari was being mature when she pushed adrien and Kagami together....when in reality it was mari being immature...trying to push adrien and kagami together to avoid being honest about her feelings and to avoid being vulnerable ...like a fox and the grapes.

Kagami had even said she wanted mari to be honest and not give up for kagami's sake because they could be friends and like the same guy. Heck, kagami had said she didn't even care about ice cream, and both adrien and jagami just wanted to hang with mari as friends. Mari didn't HAVE to push them together and avoid them....and mari backtracking and stealing kagami away was dye to her lack of honesty with herself and her insecurity.

So Luke's patience while seeming more mature also comes off as someone who might think letting go is the best way to show love instead of hiw we know poo diwn he wanted to fight fir the truth about his dad.

Luka nkt setting u proper boundaries means mari has a tendency to abuse them even if I understand luka is akso her friend and friends listen and help.

But something that bothers me is luka seems all wise, but dude definitely still has a mari bias people don't bring up. Like....I get after finding out mari is LB and Chat is Adrien that he'd want to support mari's crush because he knkws its requited.....heck luka can see chat can bring out the best in mari and make mari comfortable to be herself....so I see why he'd ship it.

But it never occurs to Luka to consider that ladybug is closer to chat, more comfortable but DOESNT seem romantically into chat? Heck, we know when msri finds out his identity, she is weirded out and didn't seem like she was still in love with him til luka directed her to be more chill and positive about it. It doesn't occur to luka that mari would be LESS interested in adrien if she found out he was chat or if she got more comfortable with him?!

Luka literally knew their identities and yet when Mari brought up her plan to trick chat out of his identity by pretending like she changed her mind so luka could hear it and bring it to su-han.

I mean....luka did bring up why not just be honest with chat....but he didnt fight mari on it when she dismissed the idea. And mire luka already knew the identity.....luka could have been honest he knew before hand or could have pretended to press the button or go back in time once abd pretend he went through the plan and guve Suhan the identity.

heck, luka knew the identities but also how firm mari was about this being a safety issue and ALSO luka knows how weird and unable to think strait around Adrien mari tends to get.....luka should have KNOWN mari wouldn't be able to give the signal to go back after finding out dye to shock.....and yet he let mari find out. He wasn't willing to push for her to be honest with chat about identities enough and yet he ignored her worries about safety becayse identity dazed marinette didnt give the signal so he assumed she'd want to know.....ge supports it cuz he wants her yo be Hallyday probably...

But either he let her find out on purpose because he put her feelings over safty or he put it on her to drcjded despite knowing mari can't think clearly around adrien kr surprises....and ge never once considers how fucked up it is tgat nari sas willing to trick chat out of his identity and was willing to feed chst what he wanted to hear?

Everyone focuses on mari's lie or the stupid reveal from gabe fjnding out in the dumbest way possible....but no one really consuders the implications everything has on kuka abd his decision making skills.

And despite luka having the context that the reveal caused problems where he might undergrad WHY cuz ge knows who they are.....he still ends up trying to put them together even though mari's main reason to breaking up with Luka was a lying issue and a stress issue due to being too busy!

Listen...I adore the guy!

But I got GENUINELY angry at him because of how he views adrien and mari when he was helping in that date at the musuem.

The dude brought up the jdea that adrien is so loved that adrien can't differentiate or decided on loves! people keep treating adrien like adrien is dumb, naive, a damsel and dense......but the fact js adrien is actually PRETTY emotionally self aware. Adrien knows his feelings toward ladybug....he has flirted and properly confessed and he openly admires marinette and he k even if people tend to ignore it he DID feel so.ething for Kagami.

But adrien KNOWS how to differentiate his feelings! He was WAY more strait forward than marinette is! Luka was acting like adrien is so loved but chloe clearly doesn't romantically like adrien....she just doesn't want to lose him. Lila just wants the fame adrien provides. And hjs dad, nathalie and plagg aren't really good at atraitfjrwardly showing love! And adrien DEFINITLY knows the difference in a fan's love!

Heck even with kagami he knew he couldn't force it jf he wasn't ready back in frozer! Buy that akso meant (even if mari pushed them together too soon) when he dud feel something fkr kagami it was real! His main issue was loosening up to kagami becayse he wasn't used to fully opening up.

But the implication mari's love was this pure amazing love from luka?! Like...I love mari and don't want to invalidate her feelings but her feelings echo a celebrity crush through almost all of the seasons!

And honestly mari is BAD at showing her feelings! Luka was trying yo act like Adrien was dense or didn't understand his own feelings even though mari will strait up run away?! Say the exact opposite of how she feels to adrien VERY eloquently?! Adrien has ASKED her how she feels or even bring up opportunities to be a alone abd nari will DENY it and back out almost everytime!?

Mari os the one who has literally been loved by so many people! Nino had a crush, her parents love her, grandpa abd grandma and uncle loves her. the class admires her, nate had a crush, luka had a crush. Chat had a crush. Tikki adores her openly! Jagged stone is her fan! Zoey has a crush! Abd heck as ladybug chloe felt something! Heck adrien has flirted with civilian mari before as just adrien and always compliments her!

And yet luka acts like ADRIEN is the one who diesnt understand his own feelings when he had vern consistent in loving a version of her he talks with and bonds more often who shows he'd good AND NEGATIVE sides to him abd he still loved her? The only thing standing in the way of adrien acknowkedging a crush on mari was their first poor meeting. The fact her was crushing on a version of her that could be more comfjrtabke around him already and brcayse nari had SAID she wasn't interested in him before!?

Lula hhst acknowledge mari is bad at feelings abd why are you helping adruenette get together when you know exactly the issues that could pop up with identities or lying and how much stress mari is under?

Why does it never occurs to luka to doubt mari's feelings for adrien after finding out she is KB and he is chat?!

I wouldn't have a issue becahse ufs at least consustant with him having a bias toward marinette and bejng too patient and understanding and too go with the flow! But the show tends to treat him as some wise man we should trust cerbatum rather than a kid their age which can be WRONG!

They don't even properly adress his thought process of keeping that he knows the identities from mari/LB all that time! They make it sort of a betrayal but it felt half asked! Like is the issue he listened to how LB didn't want him to know so he didn't want to stress her out by admitting he knew?

Even though he knew for a LONG time and it never became a issue for a long time? Is the issue he could have been honest so they could have dated?

I mean MAYBE it could have stopped the felix issue in hindsite. Or it could echo fu who knew....bht arguably the way they got rid or luka didn't actually connect the issue with his consistent trait of not pushing enough when it comes to himself and what he knows...or how that could parallel aspects with marinette.

Like...is luke ACTUALLY wrong? Or is it just bad luck that his choices didn't work out? Loke they try to put alua in the wrong fkr telling mino but of she didn't she would have been crushed by the bad guys! Were the main issue is mari kept using all the heros anyways and the issue was mari doubting her trust and trying to micromanage instead of actually trusting always judgment which gave felix the chance to snatch everything.

My point is why do people never adress or point out how hos positives can be a weakness under a different light nut also the weirdness in how the show uses luka narratively....like I get him having a long fuse before snapping being a trait but still!

[fall0utmind]

CHAPTER 14

On AO3 here

Under the cut to read on tumblr -

If you missed my post after an ask- please catch up on the Dovquez alt ending ideas/ thoughts. It will be happening so if you have any burning desires lmk !!!

Lots of love to you all

A week later, they’re in Aragon. It’s been two weeks since Marc’s world fell to pieces at his feet; it feels like he’s still trying to piece it back together. He holds his head high as he enters the paddock. It is nice to be back in familiar territory, where the fans paint the stands red and Marc’s number is plastered everywhere. But there’s an uncomfortable awkwardness in the air like people don’t know how to act around him. Only the crew members and staff mill around the track on Thursdays. The fans will not be here until tomorrow; Marc wonders how they will react this weekend, especially considering the crowd tends to favour him more in Aragon compared to Misano.

Thankfully, his team welcomed him with open arms, instantly pulling him into rapid conversations about the break and race conditions for this weekend. It eases the tension Marc has subconsciously been holding.

Media day goes better than Marc expects. He strongly suspects someone has ordered the journalists to behave this weekend. He feels thankful; he isn’t sure he could do another weekend of strangers digging up his past. When the press conference ends without a hitch, Marc breathes a sigh of relief and has to restrain himself from bolting out the door. He wanders back to his motorhome alone, glad to be released from duties. He is tired and on edge. It feels like the ghost of the last weekend is haunting him as he walks through the paddock, echoing off the walls.

Thursdays are slower days at the track, time to settle in and make any last-minute changes. Marc tries to shake out of his weird headspace as he walks, reminders of the last race threatening to pull him under. His brain keeps jumping back to memories of the fans, of Valentino, and then he ends up down a rabbit hole of their kiss and fights, and the stupid podcast which he has watched at least 5 too many times.

Marc thinks Valentino is somewhere around, probably in the VR46 garage. He can’t remember if the other man usually comes to Aragon. He doesn’t think so. Marc wonders whether this was a deliberate move from Valentino, after Misano, or if it is just a coincidence. Things are starting to add up in his head, he just prays that he’s doing the right sums. He hopes Vale will be willing to talk soon – but he has hoped for decades to no avail.

He doesn’t notice the curious eyes following him as he makes his way down the pit lane.

The walk is quick, and he doesn’t waste any time once he reaches his motorhome. If he uses the track walk as a warm-up, he can probably do a decent run before he calls it a day. It will help him to clear his head too. He shrugs off his team polo and shorts, changing into athletic gear before heading back out. It will drive him insane if he sits down too much this weekend, getting lost in his thoughts. So, he ambles back to the garage, nodding at Fabio as he passes in the opposite direction.

Frankie is waiting for him on the garage’s threshold, calling over his shoulder to someone Marc can’t see. The other man smiles kindly when he notices Marc’s approach. He can’t help but smile back – he doesn’t think he would have managed last weekend without the constant reassuring atmosphere in the Gresini garage. His team have always been his grounding within the paddock, and he is thankful that he has managed to make a home within Gresini like the one he had at Honda. He hopes he will settle as well in Ducati.

They chat idly for a few minutes; Marc being pulled into their conversation about who would be the best rider out of the mechanics. It leaves him almost bent in half cackling as they debate why they would be better than each other – often for the most ridiculous reasons.

(They never agree on an answer)

(Marc doesn’t think he trusts any of them on the bike after that)

It makes Marc feel lighter, being surrounded by people who aren’t giving him looks or tiptoeing around him. It’s exactly what he needs, to be back here, to normality. The race track has always been a safe space for him (until Valentino ripped it away). He had just rebuilt his safety and confidence at the track when Jerez happened, sending him straight back to square one, and putting him in a hospital room for far too long. It happened again last weekend in Misano, the comfort in his home away from home being shattered before his eyes.

Sepang 2015

Jerez 2020

Misano 2024

He thinks that he either has terrible luck, or someone is out to get him. Either way, the past has shown him that he is nothing if not resilient – he can recover from this too.

A hand claps onto his shoulder and breaks him from his thoughts. He spins around on the spot, his lips quirking at Frankie’s gentle nudge. Once Marc nods, confirming that he is okay, the other man tilts his head towards the open garage door. Alex is in some last-minute meeting with his engineers and had waved him off earlier, suggesting they catch up later instead. They head out for the track walk in silence, Frankie close enough to bring comfort without feeling suffocating.

Up ahead, two figures are strolling out of the Ducati garage. Marc’s stomach sinks.  

Bez and Pecco.

The two Italians are deep in conversation, seemingly unaware of their surroundings or the fact that they are only 10 feet in front of Marc. From this distance, they look young, almost childlike in the way they grabble with each other and tease in lilting Italian. Marc reckons that Bezzecchi acts much like the younger brother of the group, but he hasn’t had enough experience to confirm it.

A smile creeps onto his face as Pecco swipes at the younger man, clearly wound up by whatever he’s saying. Bez spins away from him, grinning from ear to ear. His eyes catch Marc’s. His smile dims slightly and an unreadable expression clouds his features. Marc stumbles slightly as Bez turns back towards Pecco, mumbling something under his breath. Pecco glances back over his shoulder but Marc looks away first. They aren’t being subtle.

Marc covers his shock with a gasping cough when Bez stops, making eye contact with him and pulling Pecco aside- waiting. A part of him wants to turn and flee, only Frankie cautiously walking by his side keeps him going. He tilts his chin up despite the tension stiffening his frame, reminding himself that this might be a trap.

“How are you doing, Marc? " Pecco asks kindly once he is close enough. There is no insincerity in his voice, although Marc supposes that the academy boys usually don’t go out of their way to disguise their dislike.

Marc tries to rearrange his face into a smile and only partially succeeds, probably looking more like a grimace. Shaking off the residual awkwardness is proving difficult.

“Okay, thank you. I'm glad to be back in Spain. I'm looking forward to a friendlier reception,” he replies, grinning sharply as he reflects upon Italy. Interestingly, Bez’s face dims slightly while Pecco rolls his eyes.

“I think you did okay last race. I’m sure they will come around. How are you feeling about this track?” Pecco probes, shifting the conversation to something easier. The strain relaxes minutely.

From there, they fall into a rapid conversation about the race, this track, and the rest of the calendar. Bezzecchi chips in sporadically but spends most of his time analysing Marc as if trying to figure him out.

Frankie is nudging into his side as they walk the track, with Bez and Pecco’s teams also joining them. It’s odd, to be in such proximity to the others – he knows anyone watching will be instantly confused. He supposes that Pecco and him could be attributed to future teammate bonding. But Marc and Bez have never had much of a friendly relationship, it’s slightly earth-shattering.

They continue to amble around the track together, settling into an almost comfortable companionship. As they walk, Pecco tells Marc about their latest training story, which ended up with Bez, Luca, and Cele in a pile on the floor. Surprisingly, Marc finds himself laughing along with Bez and Pecco’s squabbling over which parts are true and which aren’t. He can almost imagine it, Bez pouting at the others in the way he is now, Luca trying to maintain diplomacy as Cele lies in the dirt. Marc barely notices the cameras on them and it seems like the others don’t either.

By the time they’ve looped the track, Marc is almost sad. It’s the most confusing feeling in the face of the situation. He never thought a time would come when he would be disappointed to be leaving their company. When they are alone again, the Italians calling goodbyes over their shoulders, Frankie tugs on Marc’s arm.

“What the fuck was that?” he asks, in utter disbelief, looking hysterically between the boys and Marc. It is such an accurate representation of how weird all of this is that he can’t help but bark out a laugh. He grins and shrugs back at Frankie. He has no clue whatsoever about what is going on, or why, but he can’t take the smile off his face for the rest of the day. If he was not so relieved, he would think it’s rather pathetic.

They duck into the garage together, Frankie pulling him into a quick goodbye bro hug before he treks off to do some actual work. Alex’s meeting is finished, by the looks of things. So, Marc makes it his mission to annoy his brother instead. He sits in the chair near his brother, spinning around in circles waiting for Alex to give him some attention. Eventually, he gets bored of that and starts aimlessly tapping on the desk, until Alex snaps and tells Marc that he will join the run.

Alex elbows him in the side as they set off, winding their way to the first turn from the pit lane.

“Why do you look like someone has done something wonderful?” he asks.

Marc’s smile only widens, chuckling at his brother’s dramatics. “Am I not allowed to be happy? That’s mean Alex”.

Alex scoffs, pushing his brother harder off the track and laughing when Marc actually stumbles this time. Underneath it all, he is happy for his brother, and he isn’t stupid, he knows that Marc has spent some time with Pecco and Bez this morning, he would be hard-pressed to have missed it with the way most people have been talking. After years of isolation, it is nice to see his older brother being accepted into the wider community again. He did not expect it to be caused by such dramatics, but he supposes at least there have been some positives. He is fonder now of Bagnaia, but the jury is still out on Bezzecchi – the younger man is too worshipping of Valentino to be trustworthy. But he keeps an open mind, it is not like all of them are bad. Franky, as it turns out, is wonderful, and Luca is a good guy. Alex doesn’t know the others too well but is willing to give it a shot if they are good to Marc.

Alex doesn’t think that Marc has noticed the way Rossi’s eyes are tracing them around the track. The old man thinks he is being subtle, talking to various people in the garage threshold coincidentally as the brothers are running down the pit straight. He rolls his eyes. At the very least, his and Franky’s plan has worked, and with their combined knowledge of Marc and Valentino, it was bound to do something, even if Marc hasn’t said much about Vale since last weekend. Alex won’t bring it up. It isn’t worth disturbing the peace.

They settle for one lap because even according to Marc, 5k is enough on a race weekend. When they loop back into the pits, Vale is still there, pretending to not look. Marc isn’t stupid, he knows that the older man is looking, but he also knows Valentino well enough to understand that he won’t speak.

When he catches Valentino's eyes, tipping his head minutely in greeting, he sees a gauntness in Vales's face. His eyes look red-rimmed, the bags underneath purple. He looks like he hasn’t slept in a month. Worry sweeps through Marc as he wonders what’s happened to make Valentino look like that. It's only when Alex tugs on his arm that Marc realises, he’s stopped still in the middle of the pits, Valentino and him standing and staring at each other.

He flushes, his embarrassment prominent, and allows Alex to lead him into the garage. He doesn’t catch Valentino's creased eyebrows and downturned lips.  

The rest of the day blurs slightly, thoughts of Vale consuming him. The media team make Alex and him do some silly video and they’re happy to oblige. Afterwards, he takes a call from a sponsor to discuss new brand deals. He’s swept along in a tide of things to do and places to be so by the time he’s done for the day he hardly remembers what happened earlier.

Alex and him grab food and eat in the comfort of the motorhome. Marc hasn’t felt much like facing the world recently. They’re halfway through their paella when Alex pushes his phone under Marc’s nose, a grin on his face. Marc takes it. On the screen Instagram is open, and the MotoGP account has posted a video. It’s Marc, Bez, and Pecco, laughing loudly at whatever had been said. Their happiness is clear in the video and as they walk, you can see Marc and Pecco's shoulders brushing.

Marc looks up, his brother's pleased face greeting him. He rolls his eyes, laughing to himself.

“Yes, yes. I know. They accosted me to a track walk; they are nicer than I realised” Marc laments. It makes Alex huff, rolling his eyes.

“Look at the comments” he requests, making Marc mutter “please” under his breath in admonishment. Alex looks at the heavens again but the way his lips tick up betrays him.

The comments range from pure disbelief to rage to happiness. Half of the fans make jokes about divorced kids and their mandated time with each parent. Marc has to admit it’s kind of funny, given at least Pecco was around when Marc and Vale fell out. A few of the comments are outraged that Pecco would associate himself with Marc, he doesn’t think those fans are going to survive next year.

As it turns out from further investigation. Social media has exploded, it has Marc giggling as he reads the posts from the fans. It is nice not to be hated for once. Of course, there are still the occasional negative comments but they seem to be fewer and farther between. He stumbles across a couple which makes him and Alex laugh so hard that they can barely breathe after. It’s refreshing, after so many years of tension.

He goes to sleep that night with hope singing in his heart.

*

The weekend could be a strong one for the team, especially at this track, he can feel it in his bones. But Marc never truly knows if the 2023 Gresini Ducati could throw up a curveball. It’s not a new model, so the other Ducati teams will always have the edge. He has the advantage of home turf but the challenge of last weekend hanging over him.

He doesn’t let it impede his confidence too much, determined to push the most out of the bike during practice.

And he does, topping the time sheets in a display of dominance that he didn’t think was possible this year. It settles somewhere in his chest, glowing warmly as he pulls the bike to a stop.

 Both of his parents are already waiting for him with open arms. They had arrived this morning, his mother fussing slightly over him and Alex before teaming up with Nadia to become matriarchs for the weekend. They have managed to hold back the fretting for the time being, but he can see the concern in his mum’s eyes when she hugs him, pressing her lips to the crown of his head.

 Since they arrived, Marc has felt a strange dichotomy of rising anxiety and a settling comfort in his parent's presence. There’s an odd sense of foreboding about his parents being here, the way they feel the need to protect him. He had to tell his mum quite firmly that he couldn’t skip media yesterday. Marc has a sneaking suspicion that she’s been staring down any journalist within a foot of him - God forbid if Valentino attempts anything.

Alas, they are determined to be here the whole weekend. And as his parents pull him into their arms, he feels endlessly grateful. Through it all his family have been a constant – with him even in his worst moments. He and Alex are lucky, he thinks. Some others do not have the blessings which they do. Another pair of arms join the hug – Alex. When he pulls away, his baby brother is beaming at him. Marc smiles back, bathing in his family’s affection for some time longer.

Soon enough, Marc is dragged away to debrief with the team, happy to talk through the ways they could improve to drag the milliseconds out of every corner and achieve the blistering speed they need down the straights. The team are in good spirits, Alex has put in some quick laps too, meaning that both bikes are in the top 5. Marc knows the energy tomorrow will be electric. There’s a lot of potential.

Debrief is blissfully short, giving them both plenty of time to spend with their family in the evening. By the time they have finished in the garage and are wandering back to the motorhome, their parents have somehow made all the dinner plans at some place close to their hotel. Although this is considered a ‘local’ race for them, the drive is still over two hours. And the motorhome doesn’t quite fit 4 adults in it.

As he and Alex are cleaning up and getting ready, Marc is beginning to feel nervous about the interview release. Without the distraction of practice and racing, there are a thousand questions and worries floating around his head- what if he said too much? What if people think he’s weak or attention-seeking?

The thoughts keep rising over dinner, like an inevitable and colossal tidal wave. Marc knows he’s being quieter than usual, choked by fear. His family notices, trying all they can to distract him. They won’t let him sit out of any conversations, even when he only gives one-word answers. Alex keeps his arm resting next to Marc throughout the whole meal.

Marc refrains from checking his phone, or more Alex steals it from his pocket and turns it off. Once they’re outside of the restaurant, Alex returns it and Marc turns it on with no small amount of trepidation.

It instantly floods with messages. He trails his eyes across the notifications, reading word after word of positivity. There is an overwhelming number of supportive messages from friends and colleagues alike. A quick look online suggests that the reaction from the fans is overwhelmingly positive too, which is a relief.

Marc has to admit that they did a fantastic job with it, the editing and production of the video tiptoes the fine line between professional and personable. It feels good to have it out in the open, knowing there isn’t some big secret hanging over him. Being able to tell the story from his own narrative and not someone else’s lies feels like a weight lifted.

There are plans for him to team up with some mental health charities, and maybe even become an ambassador. Marc needs to make something good of this. The team was a little reluctant at first but Marc insisted. If everyone has to know his story, then he wants it to be one of positivity and recovery. It isn’t often that he gets the choice to be a part of things that truly matter to him, so he isn’t letting this one go.

It was a good choice. He’s proud of himself and his family all pull him into tight hugs and whisper that they are too. He ignores the rude comments, the ignorance, and the blind hatred and sinks into his parents’ arms like he is a child once more.

At that moment, somewhere in the north of Spain, on a warm summer night with the stars coming out above him. Marc Marquez forgives himself for all that he has done, he lets go of his past and pledges to keep pushing forward, no matter what.