#about society of the snow tho…Jesus.

[emblazons]

It feels illegal to develop a crush on a man while watching a film like La Sociedad de la Nieve and yet that is exactly what’s happening to me Re: Enzo Vogrincic

[rose-fall]

This will most likely not be relevant for the actual comic but just a neat lil thing about their world imo (sorry this is all over the place): They have their own language :). I’m thinking the language is universal? This might change? But if it is universal there’s like. Different takes on it in different parts of the planet? If that makes sense? Like yeah dialects are a thing but. Idk how to describe it, like it’s the same base language (and most words) but there’s differences due to the environments the different areas are situated in. Idk it’s hard to describe. But yeah while the comic will be in English, their in universe language isn’t. It’s just cuz I’m a native English speaker. If the comic gains a following in some way and people would wanna translate it in other languages, the same goes for those too. But their language is just different. Their own alphabet, their own grammar and sentence structure (the grammar itself may be different depending on the areas, idk), and even their own words that can’t be translated directly, at least, into English. A certain term that is used very similarly to “oh my god” meaning it’s an exclamation that can be both negative or positive depending on the connotation, so in the comic it will be “oh my god” but only cuz that’s the closest English term that‘d similar to theirs. Gender is still a thing tho there was never any attempt to make it binary, so their terms for someone’s biology when they’re born aren’t gendered at all, but are just words to describe the different biology, so no they don’t have gender reveal parties because they don’t associate gender with physical parts. Masculinity and femininity are still a concept tho again, they aren’t gendered but rather are just terms to describe one’s expression. Being trans is still a thing tho of course and having their own terms for “mtf”, “ftm”, etc that don’t actually directly translate to “male to female” or “female to male”, but that’s a whole other tangent that goes more into their society rather than language. Another thing is terms for love. They do have a word that directly translates to “love” but it is considered an umbrella term. They have different words for different kinds of love that can’t be directly translated, an example is that they have another word that specifically refers to platonic love, while another different word specifically refers to romantic love. Similar to the first point, if a character in the comic says “jesus christ… 😒” or “jesus christ! 😧” of course they’re not actually saying that. They’re just saying a term that’s used similarly, for exasperation or shock. Since everyone’s a furry, there’s bound to be people whose species refers to a real world area, like an Australian shepherd. You probably get the gist now, they don’t actually say Australian shepherd, they call that species by a different name. The language showing up as English also applies to written stuff. This is mainly cuz I don’t have the desire to actually create their alphabet and written language. So that’s another thing to keep in mind. Uuuhh this is all over the place, going back to dialects and variations in the same base language, I guess this is tied to how language actually develops, referring to the environment thing. Iirc, people that live in an area that hardly gets snow only have one word for it, snow. But those who live in an area that gets a lot of snow have different words like snow, slush, sleet, ice, etc., tho with their language is a liiiittle more drastic. Like there’s two different words for what someone in a warm area would call “snow” and what someone in a cold area would call “snow”. The warm area people’s word is basically an umbrella term for just side affects of cold weather in general, while the cold area people’s word actually specifically refers to snow. In present day, people who live in areas that get little to no snow still use that umbrella term. While those who live in areas that get moderate to a lot of snow uses the specific terms. This post has gotten too long so I might continue in a reblog.

[onlyfangz]

some recommendations of songs that i’ve been listening to a lot/discovered in the month of august! i’ve also been listening to the soundtrack of repo! the genetic opera, but i wasn’t about to include the whole damn thing on this, so that’s also a recommendation for me. (start out with chase the morning -- that’s what my blog title is referencing!!)

why you should listen to each song is underneath the cut bc it’ll be LONG!!

evelyn evelyn by evelyn evelyn tells a Story. it’s a song about conjoined twins, and one wants to separate whilst the other wants to stay together. there’s two singers, and they both overlap each other whilst singing which is like, MY FAVOURITE THING MUSIC CAN DO!!

runs in the family by amanda palmer is for y’all who like strange vocals and Marching Music. if you listen to this whilst walking you’re gonna feel like you’re in a weird artsy movie about Youth and Society and Sadness.

sugar daddy by hedwig and the angry inch bc i’m gay.

joan by heather dale is a guilty pleasure bc it sounds so much like a wlw/ace anthem. it’s a girl singing about how she’s less interested in dating men and more interested in persecuting them for their misdeeds. very celtic sounding if you’re into that.

the cult of dionysus by the orion experience bc i’m gay x2.

i was a teenage anarchist by against me! is actually just the first song i recommend you listen to before you go and listen to all of against me!’s music. if you’re trans and into punk music, you probably already know who they are, but if you don’t, or if you’re cis, i still recommend you listen to this.

dirty night clowns by chris garnaeu just has this kinda... jaunt to it. very good melody to it.

little pistol by mother mother. okay so. this has Big Witch Vibes, if you’re into that. but also “i found brimstone in my garden // i found roses set on fire // i found jesus, what a liar // now i trade licks with muddy waters”, like those lyrics coupled by the swell of the music? perfection.

the masochism tango by tom leher bc i’m gay and edgy.

i am the others by son lux. did you ever want to hear a song that sounds like how falling in slow motion through clouds with the warm sun on your face would hypothetically feel? that is this song.

twice by little dragon is a lullaby for sad people.

devil’s work by miike snow has such pleasing music behind it that you wont even realize that the lyrics make no fucking sense.

yamaha by delta spirit sounds like flying.

solo dancing by indiana is like strip club music, but like, the kind of strip club music that are in movies.

fortress by bear’s den for when you feel sad.

idfc by blackbear for when you feel sad but in an angry way.

love etc., by pet shop boys when you feel sad but in an 80s way. (i know it was released in the 2010s don’t @ me)

venus ambassador by bryan scary & the shredding tears is just a weird fucking song and i’m positive im the only person who’d ever like it ever, but i’m rec’ing it anyways. tells a story about an ambassador who’s literally from the planet venus being put on trial for being different.

animal by neon trees bc i’m gay x3

changed the way you kiss me by example is like... an edm song? i think thats what you call it. but anyways, i saw example live and he was fucking amazing, and this song is fucking amazing and it’s a sad song, but it’s the type of sad song you can jump up and down until you get a stitch to.

claire de lune by flight facilities and christine hoberg and no i do NOT mean debussy. i accidentally clicked on this originally thinking it WAS debussy, but it is NOT. doesn’t disappoint tho. has some good remixed violins (i think that’s what’s happening, anyways.)

kids on the moon by kadie elder is just a really good pick-me-up song. it’s just Happy.

i can’t decide by scissor sisters bc i’m edgy. “i can’t decide whether you should live or die // oh you’ll prob’ly go to heaven // no need to hang your head and cry”. so yeah thats a lot. 

secret by huntington has SUCH a good bass beat in it, and i can only explain the music as... drippy sounding? like it sounds like it’s melting. watch the music video if you love soap opera levels of plot twists.

[umnachtung]

survey stealing prof at the lose again

questions taken from @in-love-with-a-trans-girl

A

Achievements: Got higher education, studied Game Design and graduated with very good results. Haven’t done a murder yet, that’s good, right?

Age: 28 goblin years

Are you planning something right now? planning a painting for my parent’s bed room, surviving the current pandemic. loosey gooesy planning on getting a job??

Arizona or Alaska: both got cool landscape. I’m probably more likely to enjoy Alaska climate tho.

B

Birthdate: 3rd of March, 1993

Build: average height, sturdy(?)

Babies, do you have any? Does my cat count?

Blonde or Brunette: I’m naturally blonde but dye my hair a lot. <- same

C

Childhood sweetheart: thats too straight for me.

Current mood: Okay? Trying to wake up properly still.

Children, are there more in your future? More cats, probably. And mind children, aka original characters for drawing and roleplaying. I don’t see myself as an actual parent.

Coke or Pepsi: neither. I don’t drink that.

D

Dad’s name: Andreas.

Dating anyone: Nay.

Do you plan on having lots of money? Not planning on but wouldn’t it be nice?!

Dogs or cats: cats. dogs are cute too, tho.

E

Elementary School: the start  of getting bullied

Eye color: Green <- same

Ever going to China? probably not.

Early or Late: Late.

F

First Crush: My BFF, I guess?

Fears: heights, phone calls and emails, embarrassing myself, failure, no progress and being stuck in life

Future goals: move out, get a job, and stop being so fuckin’ emo

Funny or Serious: Alas I am a clown.

G

Grandparent’s names: I don’t remember, but my dad’s mom was refered to as Oma Katze.

GPA: 2,4 in Abitur, but who cares? it’s a freakin number.

Going anywhere this weekend?  Maybe to a friend’s place to give her something.

Giver or Taker: Both. Life has to be balanced. <- agreed

H

High School: Lord have Mercy and Jesus take the Wheel.

Hair color: dark red, done with henna.

Hate anyone for life? Anyone who hurt and wronged my friends.

Hairspray or Gel: Pomade because I’m a 50s rocknroll boy.

I

In 8th grade, who was your best friend? Selena and Abelina

Is ignorance bliss? Sometimes?

Is there anything you wanna share? I would love to share rich people’s money with the rest of the world.

Ice Cream or Cake: Cake.

J

Jumped rope for fun: As a kid, yes. IDK if I still know how to do it.

Junk around you right now? The usual desk clutter, also my trash bin?

Joining anything anytime soon? Not that I am aware of.

January or July: January if there is proper snow. July if it is not too hot.

K

Killed anyone: Only with my killer jokes.

Keeping a secret? Ain’t we all?

Kicking someone off your top friends today? What is this? a USA High School Drama?

Kiwi or Apple: Kiwi.

L

Lost anyone close to you: Not really. My cat was probably the closest thing dear to me that I ever lost. R.I.P. Kaveri <3 <- same, RIP Nera

Last kiss, when and who: IDFK. It’s been 87 years

List 3 people that you’ll love forever: Nicole, Rhoda, Abelina I supposeee? 3 is not enough lmao.

Lover or Fighter: I will kick your ass, I will kick my own ass.

M

Middle School: Jesus took the Wheel.

Marital Status: None of your business.

Mom’s name: Allexandra

Music or TV: Music, what is this the early 2000s?

N

Northernmost state you’ve been to: Ostsee/ Nordsee. :,D

Nickname: Toni, Prof

Name your future boy and girl: Felix or Caspar, Sam(antha) or Artemis(?)

Naughty or Nice: Bastard wi th a cause.

O

Opened a piece of mail that wasn’t yours? Yeah, but it’s usually like, advertisment stuff for my parents and nothing personal.

Occupation: disgusting unemployed parasite who doesnt contribute to society and capitalism, aka artist.

Owe anyone money: Don’t believe so.

Outgoing or Shy: Depends on the person.

P

Place you most want to be? Anywhere in nature, away from the city. Preferable near water.

Purposely destroyed someone’s life? Waste of time and energy tbh.

Planning a major trip? Nope. It’s pandemic time, baby.

Pink or Black? Black. <- same

Q

Quit a class: Does only showing up to the final exam count?

Quickly…the first word to come to mind: Help

Quitting your job soon? No job to quit here.

Quiet or Loud: Quiet. <- yas, queen

R

Riding in an airplane: Annoying as fuck. There is nothing to do and you cant really get up and moving.

Ride, tell me about yours: public transport is my steed.

Running for any political office in the future? Running them over with my public transport steed.

Rain or Snow: Snow. <- heck yay

S

Siblings names and ages: Mona, 29

Shoe size: EU 39 <- same

Shave daily? nope.

Shower or Bath: Bath, can’t really shower comfortable in the bathroom here.

T

Turning 21 was (will be): I don’t even remember that year.

Texas, ever been? No, not interested tbh.

Think you’ll live to be 100? no.

Tame or Wild: Depends on who you ask.

U

Unique quality about you: Uhhhhhh....idk.

Underwear on? Yeah, it’s too cold to go comando.

Under your bed lies: A portion of my room.

Under or Over: I take the ground below you.

V

Virgin? Protip: stay one so you have access to virgin blood for your rituals.

Vacation time left? lol

Voting in the next Presidential election? No president where I live. <- same but gonna vote in the next election

Volleyball or Swimming: Swimming!!!! <3 <3 <- same, let me live my wet dreams

W

Went white water rafting? That looks dangerous.

Wearing right now: PJs, pink-green striped t shirt and green flower pattern lounge pants

Write a sentence about you: Toni transports thousands of trolls through the training track.

West Coast or East Coast: Weizentoast.

X

X-Rays in the past month: I think my jaw at the dentist?

X-Mas plans: NO, ITS TO EARLY: PLEASE STOP.

X, does it mark the spot? On Maps probably.

X-Tina or Britney? Christina has better songs imo. Wish Britney could do what she wanted in life tho.

Y

You lost “it” when? I am about to fuckin’ lose it every second now. 

Your favorite song: Tool - Parabola

Your favorite place on Earth: Not been to enough places yet.

Yes or No: No.

Z

Zodiac Sign: Pisces

Zippos are neat, agree? Yes.

Zoo or Circus: Zoo.

[femslashy]

hey hey, so, you're from Texas and I'm not even north American but I'm researching of schools in there but all I hear about Texas is the stereotypical shit and I wanted to hear (read tho) an inside opinion from a queer fella about the place.

hello! i don’t know if you wanted my opinion as a lesbian because i’m basically a baby gay who’s slowly being shoved into the community by her therapist but i 100% am not qualified to give much of an opinion on that lmao i can tell u that austin is probably the most accepting city here and dallas is as well i don’t really know about houston or san antonio but definitely avoid small towns which is probably obvious :p

idk really where to begin without knowing what stereotypes you’ve heard so i might have googled “texas stereotypes” whoops sorry if this gets long i’m going from the list i found an also from things i remember from convos with my friends from other countries

texas is not a desert! well parts of texas are but we actually have 4 separate biomes and the part i live in is prairieland! (well it was until people developed the living fuck out of it)

we have a lot of typical country towns but it’s also pretty urban like omg man houston is huuuuge like i thought dallas was big but omg man houston

some of the stereotypes are true x.x texas loves itself very much we even have our own flag and pledge for that flag isn’t america great :)) you will also see the flag and the lonestar EVERYWHERE 

texas likes guns texas doesn’t like to hide it’s guns there are signs in restaurants and schools and stores that tell not to bring those guns in there we can also open-carry which is pretty scary cuz sometimes you walk into the doctors office and a dude has a handgun on his hip and for a good 15 seconds ur convinced ur about to die

not everyone wears cowboy boots/hats! except those douchey dallas boys who think their from the country but they suck and should never count for anything ever (for the most part you’ll see people wearing them for work)

the darker ur jeans the more formal they are 

we do not actually do around saying “don’t mess with texas” it’s an anti-littering campaign

i have never heard anyone say “the higher the hair the closer to jesus” unironically

i do say “everything’s bigger in texas” when i see large things

texas is big. like really big. i feel like this is obvious but bruh it’s so big

don’t be a vegetarian here it’s really hard trust me i know

there are 20 churches within 5 miles of my house so yes all of those stereotypes are tru

google megachurches. just do it.

religion plays a big big part in society so much that half the time u don’t really notice? idk i’ve lived here 12 years i probs have stockholm syndrome

austin is a nice place to live but if u move there everyone will hate u

seriously it’s so overcrowded

nice place to be a vegetarian tho

football is a big deal, especially high school football seriously it’s like a religion

yaint is a thing

if it can be fried we will fry it and serve it at the state fair

even if it can’t be fried we will fry it and serve it at the state fair

texas barbeque is different than regular barbeque even i, a vegetarian for 15 years, know this

tex-mex was invented by us

also the frozen margarita y’all’re welcome

texas is actually pretty diverse! especially in the dfw area

seriously my city has three official languages (english, spanish, and vietnamese)

separation of church and state? what’s that??

“bless your heart” is the best drag omg

everyone will assume u go to church

so we don’t ride horses everywhere except one time i went to jamba juice and a girl was just chilling outside with her house it was a very texas experience

not everyone drives a pick up

y’all is more pleasing to the ear than you guyses and i will fight anyone who says otherwise

we don’t all love country music and not everyone is in the oil business

or ranching

but people do like to keep animals on undeveloped land cuz then they can pay less taxes on it

everything is super far apart

have i mentioned it’s big?

i’m from connecticut and the area i live in right now is bigger than the whole state

we are very very very red

no matter how hot it is someone will always tell u they’ve been in hotter weather

we cannot drive on snow or ice and thems the facts

despite what our former governor used to say we cannot and never have been able to legally secede

we do however have our own power grid and isolated economy so if we did leave the us for some reason we’d be okay

probably

people will fight you over whether or not beans belong in chili

i can’t think of anything else and omg i’m sorry this got so long ahaha if you have more questions my askbox is always open as i don’t really have much experience with schools here except by proxy but we do have pretty good schools! 

[imreszekeres]

for the anon that wanted all 100

1. Name- Ash! 2. Age- 18 3. City that you live in- fear, usually 4. What do most people not know about you?- nothing really, i compulsively release useless information about myself 5. What do most people know you for?- being fat and annoying 6. Hobbies- makeup, youtubers, sleeping, writing, drawing 7. What are your passions?- writing 8. What do you search for in a significant other?- i really Really need to be understood, and someone who is patient is nice too 7. What are you most proud of?- I hav gone to State and gotten within the top 10% in my Journalism competitions, which puts me in the top .08% of all high school students in my state. :-) im good for some things 8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?- every day when I talk to @pizzasteveofficial <3 all our conversations are significant 2 me 9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it?- I collect my tears in a jar and store them, then shower in them every night 10. List 10 things off of your bucket list.- I want to get married in the snow, have a daughter, get a Heartagram tattoo (at least one lol), write a successful book, and.. idk what else :0 11. What was the last thing you learned?- jesus I dont know, you learn sth new every day! hard to remember 12. How many relationships have you been in?- um.. 7 I think i feel like im forgetting one tho. I wont name them obvi but i think im forgetting one? i feel like ive been in 8 oh well 13. Turn ons- validation 14. Turn offs- being alive 15. Favorite food- frozen yogurt! I like the vanilla or white chocolate flavor with looots of toppings 16. Favorite drink- Coke 17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?- i dont really know! I dont remember a lot of my birthdays for trauma reasons so  18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic?- pessimistic by far lol 19. Do you sleep during class?- its happened a handful of times, I try not to bc I HATE missing work its annoying 20. What is the most expensive thing you own?- myself?? jk its my laptop 21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?- a 1 dollar ELF blending brush. yall those things are bomb please go buy some! 22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone?- that number does not exist holy shit  23. Text or call?- TEXT BLEASE I HAVE SUCH BAD HEARING 24. Opinion on long distance?- it can work! ive done it a lot of times. distance has never been whats broken a relationship for me, not directly anyway 25. What is your definition of success?- success is when you’re happy. you do not have many worries, not the kind that keep you awake at night or make your tummy sick anyway. You have people that love you and, if you died, you’d be remembered as a good bean 26. Favorite song?- right now im really diggin “Hate (I Really Dont Like You)” by the plain white Ts 27. Favorite artist?- HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 28. Celebrity crush/crushes?- Ville Valo ALWAYS lmao hes my god 29. When was the last time you read for fun?- like last month 30. Favorite flower?- roses 31. What is the best gift you could receive right now?- a plane ticket to Connecticut and like 1000 dollars 32. Any guilty pleasures?- pop... music... BUT LIKE THE GOOD KIND U FEEL? I DONT LIKE STUFF FROM THE LAST 2 OR 3 YEARs...  33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?- my weight, and that sounds so shallow but it. is taking a toll on me. 34. What do you search for in a friend?- someone who is like me! 35. How many times have you said "I love you" in the past month?- not enough 36. Where did you last go other than your room/home?- school.. 37. Why do bad things happen to good people?- because life isnt fair 38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye?- what the fuck being stabbed in the eye have you ever been stabbed in the fucking eye? because i havent and i can already tell you that if my friends were talking without me and then someone stabbed me in the fuCKING EYE I WOULD BE JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE PREOCCUPIED WITH BEING STABBED IN THE E Y E  39. How many green shirts do you own?- none lol 40. Do you like anime?- sure! I dont watch it rn but i dont watch anything rn, haha 41. What do you invest the most time in?- sleeping,, 42. What was the name of the last book you read?- Rebecca :3 very gud book 43. What's the difference between loving and liking someone?- when ur main squeeze gets a hair cut and u still wanna suck their dingus u love em, thats it sorry i dont make the rules 44. Where are you most productive?- i dont.. know what this is asking lol I’m most protective over my romantic partners. As much as I’d love to say im most protective over Sarah, nothing compares to how “troll guarding his treasure” i am w/my loves.......... *eyes @my crush* 45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends.- talking shit abt rude ppl, playing vidya gaem, and talking abt life 46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone.- watching makeup tutorials, watching lets plays, and thinking about everything and anything 47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist?- absolutely not. theres too many people on the earth to achieve that 48. Do you have any allergies?- Not to anything specific but i get them really often seasonally. i get them pretty much every time the weather changes :( 49. When was the last time you cussed at someone?- i mean.. every day of my life so like 50. What was the last promise you made?- idek dude 51. What was your last dream about?- IT WAS SO WEIRD IT WAS ABOUT MY CRUSH’S MOM? I DREAMT THAT SHE WAS A DEMON WHO STORED HER EGGS IN LITTLE PORCELAIN JARS AND THAT MY CRUSH HAD AN EAR INFECTION AND WE WERE IN A SNOWY VILLAGE IDK DONT ASK ME its weird bc my crushs mom is so sweet... 52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be?- i would literally only take Sarah bc i hate everyone 53. How many countries have you visited?- ive never been outside the US 54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.)- writing :-) 56. When was the last time somebody complimented you?- those nice anons i got yesterday/the other day! 56. If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself?- what do u even mean? youd know bc youd be like THIS ISNT MY BODY 57. Do you consider yourself mature?- kind of, yes 58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr?- too fuckin many 59. What is your favorite quote?- “Worship Satan!” -Ville Valo (no but rly any HIM lyric is my favorite quote, theyre so beautiful,,,) 60. If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be?- dont hurt ppl unless they hurt u, dont touch ppl unless they want u to, and respect gender/sexuality 61. What is your greatest accomplishment?- going 2 state! 62. Do you believe in the death penalty?- yeah i actually think it should b used more lol, kill all rapists and p*dophiles :-) 63. What are your goals for life?- i just wanna b happy, man 64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?- being a fucking idiot, probably 65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.- CALIFORNIA LMAO IM SUCH A SUCKER FOR CALIFORNIA AND I NEVER EVEN BEEN THERE 66. What were you like in 2013?- awful but also really sweet... then again i wasnt TECHNICALLY the host so lol  67. Do you have a job?- no :( i cant drive 68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.- she was an abusive bitch who took out her parents hating her on me the end 69. If you could change one thing about society, what would it be?- i would make discrimination a way more serious crime than it is taken for rn. ppl who discriminate should b put in jail 70. How many all-nighters have you pulled before?- just one when i had to install the sims and it took 6 years 71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website?- my fave website is youtube 72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?- suck a dick, i guess 73. Does money equal happiness?- not all the time but it sure can 74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?- never, i dont think 75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?- too many times 76. What is the funniest joke you have ever been told?- you know that joke abt the blind man at the beginning of Crazy Rap? yeah thats fucking HILARIOUS  77. When was the last time you looked at the news?- this morn :0 78. If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say?- im gay 79. What is your favorite animal?- RACCOONS!!!!!!!!!!!! 80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it?- i mean sure lmao nobody would b upset about it so 81. What is one thing that everyone is bad at?- being a human. 82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get?- i usually go to bed at 10 and get like 6 or 7 hours 83. Does age necessarily equal maturity?- not at all! 84. What is your favorite clothing store?- hot topic lol 85. In the winter- beanies or gloves?- gloves b 86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?- wings?? why would i want a fish tail 87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it?- absofuckinglutely.  88. What do you fear the most?- being like my rapist. thats a little too deep than i like to go but im being honest, thats literally my biggest fear Ever 89. How many digits of pi can you recite?- 3.14 lmfao i hate math 90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be?- 2004. I would stop it before it happened. :-( 91. Describe yourself in one word.- stupid 92. Describe your last victory.- i woke up today w/o killin meself 93. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen?- bendytoots cucumberpitch’s face 94. What is something you will never forget?- prom.. something rly nice happened 95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail?- forget everything. please 96. Have you ever broken a bone before?- nope! 97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody?- probably harder to love them lol 98. Coffee or tea?- coffer 99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way?- I dont overdose on a constant basis in a BPD-fueled rage any more so thats good 100. How many hours have you spend on tumblr today?- probably 1 or 2?

[atenderofsycamoretrees]

(holy jesus i’m dipping back into my poetry archive and i wrote SO MUCH about this dude, it’s kind of shameful.)

(like this is four+ poems spanning four+ years god damn that is a lot of wasted time)

(they’re not bad tho)

“Ethnography” 

The wind huffed in our ears all the way up the hill,

my skirt kicked and tangled with my boots. My father walked steady, but I stopped to look behind us at the snowy path falling straight down to the street.

I had a friend whose dreams came true

so he was afraid to sleep. He looked to God for answers and God said I do not know.

The sheep barn on the hill was empty, but when we put out the hay they came running. A ram, six ewes; four white lambs, one black lamb, limping because of the dog that bit him.

If I admit I love you, does it reflect on me? Heaven knows I’m not fragile. Lithe son of sinews, bones, and restless atoms I wish I knew whether we understood each other.

Is our kinship just the reflection of my hope? Are we one people with our wounds and secrets, or am I your anthropologist, trying to emulate and learn your language earn your trust and study your patterns so that one day you’ll maybe take me in?

My father unbound the bales of hay, and I carried buckets of sweet grain from the barn. Our sky was the colour of goose feather down and this is my country, my homeland and mother and if I love you then I’m one among others.

The wind huffed in our ears all the way down the hill while the black lamb watched us like a lighthouse-keeper. I had to make some kind of choice so I decided not to choose yet.

I’ll see you in your country to-morrow I’ll take harbour in my sleep to-night. Lithe son of sinews bones and restless cells we are the children of a God without answers. Whatever reflects is just full of light.

---

“Eighty Percent”

I think your scars are so beautiful. I understand their impulse and why they lie on your skin and I forgive you for everything and anything, I am not society, I will not call on any judgement, I can read the pattern as surely as I know my own patterned heart. There’s always something dancing around in the background, I forgive you for that, even though you won’t let me look at it. You can tell me nothing explicitly, you cannot read your fortune out of a cookie or scratch it in the snow of a crystal ball, I am not asking you to. I have my own. They curl quietly on my shoulders, nowhere near their god-given eighty percent, (your skin will only heal eighty percent) (and that’s where it stops; no more, never what it was) white and slender and almost invisible, my own obscure fortunes, my own sad patterns, every day I ever found fault with myself. I am not asking you for anything concrete or any solid words, truly I am not asking you to tell me any secrets, this is just the truth. This is no declaration of love, this is not my eloquent love poem, this is not a request for what’s yours to be mine. This is just the truth, which is that I remember falling into the pond, falling and falling, because my feet couldn’t grip the lining, because my hands couldn’t find an edge, I remember trying over and over and my head going under and under in warm cloudy water. This is just to tell you that my sheets are stained with my own blood, this is just to say that I read a thousand little slips of paper looking for myself, this is for me, I am not society, I am not your fellow man, I bear no judgement bound in my clothes, I hold no answers fastened in my hair like combs, but I forgive you for every bifurcated epidermal cell and every wound weeping your red blood, and in return (I will be wholly honest) all I ask is that you forgive me also.

---

“Song for an Old Friend (Southern Love Song)

In the South we spend the hot still nights lying awake in the dark under the ceiling fan that rattles and bucks, its long chain shaking in the air. We sift the sound of cicadas through our tired ears as the dogs whimper and kick, dream-running on the rug.

After the Fourth of July show, we wade home, barefoot on the hot asphalt, threading through the families, couples, and drunk college kids, the afterglow of fireworks hazing the black sky. The faint white stars struggle through the smoke.

When we were lovers you bought me glow-in-the-dark necklaces and bracelets and we joked about driving your Ford in the parade, me perched on a wicker-back chair in the open bed in my Sunday dress. Some people are never friends again, but you and I are still sitting on the porch with our too-sweet ice tea, sharing our spoils from the Sewanee street fair.

So we’re lucky. And if I miss you– lying on the empty-shell beach of Lake Cheston with your head in my lap and my hands in your hair– if I lie awake on hot nights, chrysanthemum fireworks burning in showers against my closed eyes and the smoky stars smelling Jubilee beer and the lake and your moon-slim body–

The dogs cry beneath the water-stained coffee table where I left my empty tea glass. They’re also longing for something that isn’t there, their feet beating silent against the still air.

[ab-cogitation]

I almost wanted to complain about how cold it is this morning, But I don’t have a reason to, because truthfully, I’m happy to be back home in Detroit.

Being here means to embrace all the Seasons and their temperament.

Sometimes the Sun shines and sometimes the Sun need a break, desiring hugs from Clouds. The Sun letting it’s many emotions eject as rain, lightning, snow or to simply seek refuge in the Cloud’s shadow.

See even the Sun knows when to be humble; to stand down, take a step back and be behind the scenes. Likely recharging, resurging then emerging from the night to lead the Moon back to her sanctury. Because the Sun knows that when it’s own inner glow is too bright, it too is blinded. Caught up in the lime lights and lemon drops that it rejects the idea of even lowering itself for recollections which indebted it’s riches. Riches being the fruit of it’s Spirit, its Light, it’s loathing and longing to be recognized beyond warming sensations.

Like how it kisses our skin, draws up sweat and get us in heat to BBQ, bike, bathing suits and seeing the details of one’s frame. A lust we often have no shame in sharing. It’s obvious with how we are staring. Hormones flaring. Emotions blaring like sirens. The kind of vibration that draws courage into hiding and on lookers to confiding with a God they often forget besides Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas. The inadvertently abuse emitted by the Sun is endless.

Which is why it often hide in Clouds us human call emotions.

Coming back home to Detroit has been just that; A Cloud of emotions. There’s a light in me that has been wired into us all, but quite frequently forgotten victories make us uncloth from our armor. Thus becoming susceptible to being sieged by every vice there is.

I learned this hard truth every time I handed out my still tattered Heart. Instead of bandaids and gauze pads with dressing, I opted to hold my Heart together using left over ribbon from holidays and coating it with Modge Podge and glitter.

I gift wrapped my shit, and stood back in the corner awaiting the receiver to be slapped with the element of surprise.

They thought I was perfect, because I’m pretty. Better yet they assumed that the tenderness in my words meant I would be hesitant to aim where it hurts— Accountability. Moreso towards myself, because people really believed the inner Peace I speak so freely of came without consequence. People really thought that I don’t go through things or make mistakes. Yes I’m prone to a fuck up or 10, but I view this shit as lessons given I choose to be a student.

Like….

Returning home to Detroit from Phoenix with the same amount of money I left with ($150) humbled the fuck out of me, but engulfed me to shame more than any feeling. I were under the impression that I were supposed to return with a lot more money and mantras they recited the spiritual journey I embarked on in the West Coast.

I were supposed to come back feeling like that bitch, but being broke to the point all of my mom friends had to join their coins together to get my ass back to Detroit. Which I’m grateful for that. Totally grateful. Super appreciative and thankful that they came through for me minutely, because I were days away from being put out of my apartment.

Why?

Love.

I thought I found Love in a man who was deep in a union with his childhood issues, manic anger and addiction to cigarettes and meth..

Yes… Meth.

But I tried to Love him anyway. I tried to support him anyway. I tried to make sure every morning was greeting with hot breakfast and sucking his dick on the whim so he’d never feel inclined to ask.

I tried to treat that nigga like a King. A God maybe. I saw beyond his conflicting ass flaws and sought a treaty with his Potential. I tried to nurse his symptoms from withdrawal by diving deep into studying herbs and tantric touches.

I tried to support his moves, no matter how mediocre, by investing in his aesthetics and trying to connect the many dots he failed to revisit.

I tried to Love this man. Be the mother he wished he had. Be the Lover he claimed never existed and be the light, the Sun to conquer his darkness.

I tried so damn hard to be what this man needed that the absence of reciprocity made me bitter. Damn near resentful, not vengeful, but definitely irrational from still keeping him around until he decided to leave cuz the well ran dry; both my pussy and pockets.

How about my sense of self worth?

I let the Sun in Phoenix illuminate a light in me to the degree I were blinded by my own insecurities.

How did I end up so desperate? Breaking my contract with Celibacy? I mean.. Ya girl was 1 year and 4 months in without dick. I were craving a booty rub, but what I wanted was Love. I wantrd to be celebrated and honored in the same fashion as our ancestors honored the Sun and now rever the Son of God named Jesus.

I felt saving this man would equal out our yolks as he unknowingly saved me from being lost in my own darkness. He saved me from loneliness just by being there. His company and conversation alone was enough until that shit became arguments, and drove me away from being at my own apartment— my name on the lease; my money paying the bills; my money putting in groceries; yet he somehow would get an attitude when I returned home too soon to MY place… A place that never felt like my own until he left.

That’s when the weight loss journey took place.

After walking my son to school in the morning, I would walk around the neighborhood with my headphones on. Taking in the scenic sunrise, the mountains and the buzz from busy commuters.

Hike, Hike, Hike

Hiking up North Mountain

Strolling around the water Basin on 10th St

I learned of parks and cool ass places in my neighborhood I didn’t know existed. I started testing out my photography skills. I tried my hand as running around the water basin and sitting on bare land with insects under trees.

I began to adopt the diet of the hummingbirds around me; seeds, nectar from flowers, berries and water.

I observed all the plants, trees and flowers around me. Absorbing their divine nature to get an organic understanding of how I want to be; rooted, budding and blossoming, letting the beauty of my essence be conceived.

Unsure of what this plant is, but it smells good as gawk!

More importantly, I cultivated a relationship with the Sun whom really shed light on who I AM.

Sunrise in North Phoenix

Taking the information downloaded home to create vision boards, a plant based diet and staying in the Rhythm with God through dance, yoga and prayer.

My vision board and cluster of craft supplies that I still regret leaving behind.

Introspection, solidarity and manifesting some shit.

It was through these regimens, practices and form of worship that enabled me to cope with being alone. I had to deal with heartbreak and anger. I had to master the emotions of grief and guilt. I had to really take the time to learn and LOVE ME.

Who I AM…

Phoenix was chosen as a healing space given that it was revealed in my name interpretation rendered by BlaqFire Nation. In my birth name, Ashley, rising from the ashes like the Phoenix is said to be apart of my story in this lifetime. Given that prior to my decision to flee Detroit I endured the death of my mother, were exposed on social media for something personal, and learning that I’ve been my baby daddy’s side bitch all these years, I were in a dire need to escape. And since I were too chicken to commit suicide after contemplating the shit over and over, relocating suited best.

And I dipped out Detroit with $150 and my son who was 4 years old at the time on a mentally excruciating three days on the Greyhound.

The rest is the journey of The Alchemist, which is also the title of a book recommended by a great friend of mine.

It was a parable that spoke to me, because much like the character, Santiago, I too were on a quest to find my treasure and love. I also communicated with the wind, the rain, the Clouds, and the Sun, which all led me to speaking with God.

That is when I learned that the treasure I dreamed of could only be discovered at home, in Detroit…

And I have located that treasure.

It was ME all along. It was ME that I found.

So while I don’t possess the material monetary shit that society says define who my status, I own something greater, more profound and infinite—It is the realization that I can only save myself. It’s a knowing that regardless of who or what I encounter, I only have control over me and that is more than manageable.

So while I wanted to complain about the cold weather, grey skies and the Sun playing hide n seek with a nigga after being spoiled in a city where the Sun shines boastfully 300 days a year, the coldest it get is 40 degrees at night during winter month (yes literally a month of cold), and no snow? I ALMOST wanted to regret returning.

You see what comparison does right? It generates a divide in the spectrum, thus taking away the Light that all is worthy of experiencing. Shit even the darkness want to be enveloped in the Sun’s grace.

The Sun… I’m so grateful for it’s solar power. It’s a star that’s assisted with my personal evolution. It’s been the formula to my countless issues. Being in the Sun, feeling the Sun; gazing at the Sun; it’s been my saving grace. Interesting how the simple things, most of which is taken for granted, become the epitome of our healing. Much gratitude to the TRUE SUN of GOD.

Had I not left Detroit, who knows where I’d be mentally…

Can’t ponder on the hypotheticals tho as they’ll strip away where I AM NOW.

Speaking of now… I went from 190 lbs to a solid one fiddy.

I had a great solo Hot Girl Summer. Bike riding, river running and being grounded by Mother Earth to be refined in feminine energy.

The journey continues….

#ABCogitation

Heartbreak and the Sun Saved Me: A Narrative on why I Returned to Detroit I almost wanted to complain about how cold it is this morning,But I don't have a reason to, because truthfully, I'm happy to be back home in Detroit.

[mystic-heuristic-blog]

Jubilate Agno

Jubilate Agno is a religious poem written by Christopher Smart between 1759 and 1763, while hospitalized in London for lunacy (a very 12th house experience). Christopher Smart was born with Jupiter in Sagittarius. Note all the animals in the excerpt below.

(cover art from the Jubilate Agno reprint from Factory Hollow Press)

Let Elizur rejoice with the Partridge, who is a prisoner of state and is proud of his keepers. For I am not without authority in my jeopardy, which I derive inevitably from the glory of the name of the Lord. Let Shedeur rejoice with Pyrausta, who dwelleth in a medium of fire, which God hath adapted for him. For I bless God whose name is Jealous—and there is a zeal to deliver us from everlasting burnings. Let Shelumiel rejoice with Olor, who is of a goodly savour, and the very look of him harmonizes the mind. For my existimation is good even amongst the slanderers and my memory shall arise for a sweet savour unto the Lord. Let Jael rejoice with the Plover, who whistles for his live, and foils the marksmen and their guns. For I bless the prince of peace and pray that all the guns may be nail’d up, save such [as] are for the rejoicing days. Let Raguel rejoice with the Cock of Portugal—God send good Angels to the allies of England! For I have abstained from the blood of the grape and that even at the Lord’s table. Let Hobab rejoice with Necydalus, who is the Greek of a Grub. For I have glorified God in greek and latin, the consecrated languages spoken by the Lord on earth. Let Zurishaddai with the Polish Cock rejoice—The Lord restore peace to Europe. For I meditate the peace of Europe amongst family bickerings and domestic jars. Let Zuar rejoice with the Guinea Hen—The Lord add to his mercies in the west! For the host is in the west—the Lord make us thankful unto salvation. Let Chesed rejoice with Strepsiceros, whose weapons are the ornaments of his peace. For I preach the very gospel of christ without comment and with this weapon shall I slay envy. Let Hagar rejoice with Gnesion, who is the right sort of eagle, and towers the highest. For I bless God in the rising generation, which is on my side. Let Libni rejoice with the Redshank, who migrates not but is translated to the upper regions. For I have translated in the charity, which makes things better and I shall be translated myself at the last. Let Nahshon rejoice with the Seabreese, the Lord give the sailors of his Spirit. For he that walked upon the sea, hath prepared the floods with the Gospel of peace. Let Helon rejoice with the Woodpecker—the Lord encourage the propagation of trees! For the merciful man is merciful to his beast, and to the trees that give them shelter. Let Amos rejoice with the Coote—prepare to meet thy God, O Israel. For he hath turned the shadow of death into the morning, the Lord is his name. Let Ephah rejoice with Buprestis, the Lord endue us with temperance and humanity, till every cow can have her mate! For I am come home again, but there is nobody to kill the calf or to pay the musick. Let Sarah rejoice with the Redwing, whose harvest is in the frost and snow. For the hour of my felicity, like the womb of Sarah, shall come at the latter end. Let Rebekah rejoice with Iynx, who holds his head on one side to deceive the adversary. For I shou’d have avail’d myself of waggery, had not malice been multitudinous. Let Shuah rejoice with Boa, which is the vocal serpent. For there are still serpents that can speak—God bless my head, my heart and my heel. Let Ehud rejoice with Onocrotalus, whose braying is for the glory of God, because he makes the best musick in his power. For I bless God that I am of the same seed as Ehud, Mutius Scœ vola, and Colonel Draper. Let Shamgar rejoice with Otis, who looks about him for the glory of God, and sees the horizon compleat at once. For the word of God is a sword on my side—no matter what other weapon a stick or a straw. Let Bohan rejoice with the Scythian Stag—he is beef and breeches against want and nakedness. For I have adventured myself in the name of the Lord, and he hath mark’d me for his own. Let Achsah rejoice with the Pigeon who is an antidote to malignity and will carry a letter. For I bless God for the Postmaster general and all conveyancers of letters under his care, especially Allen and Shelvock. Let Tohu rejoice with the Grouse—the Lord further the cultivating of heaths and the peopling of deserts. For my grounds in New Canaan shall infinitely compensate for the flats and maynes of Staindrop Moor. Let Hillel rejoice with Ammodytes, whose colour is deceitful and he plots against the pilgrim’s feet. For the praise of God can give to a mute fish the notes of a nightingale. Let Eli rejoice with Leucon—he is an honest fellow, which is a rarity. For I have seen the White Raven and Thomas Hall of Willingham and am myself a greater curiosity than both. Let Jemuel rejoice with Charadrius, who is from the height and the sight of him is good for the jaundice. For I look up to heaven which is my prospect to escape envy by surmounting it. Let Pharaoh rejoice with Anataria, whom God permits to prey upon the ducks to check their increase. For if Pharaoh had known Joseph, he would have blessed God and me for the illumination of the people. Let Lotan rejoice with Sauterelle. Blessed be the name of the Lord from the Lote-tree to the Palm. For I pray God to bless improvements in gardening until London be a city of palm-trees. Let Dishon rejoice with the Landrail, God give his grace to the society for preserving the game. For I pray to give his grace to the poor of England, that Charity be not offended and that benevolence may increase. Let Hushim rejoice with the King’s Fisher, who is of royal beauty, tho’ plebeian size. For in my nature I quested for beauty, but God, God hath sent me to sea for pearls. Let Machir rejoice with Convolvulus, from him to the ring of Saturn, which is the girth of Job; to the signet of God from Job and his daughters blessed be jesus. For there is a blessing from the stone of jesus which is founded upon hell to the precious jewell on the right hand of God. Let Atad bless with Eleos, the nightly Memorialist ελεησον κϮ..ριε. For the nightly Visitor is at the window of the impenitent, while I sing a psalm of my own composing. Let Jamim rejoice with the Bittern blessed be the name of Jesus for Denver Sluice, Ruston, and the draining of the fens. For there is a note added to the scale, which the Lord hath made fuller, stronger and more glorious. Let Ohad rejoice with Byturos who eateth the vine and is a minister of temperance. For I offer my goat as he browses the vine, bless the Lord from chambering and drunkeness. Let Zohar rejoice with Cychramus who cometh with the quails on a particular affair. For there is a traveling for the glory of God without going to Italy or France. Let Serah, the daughter of Asher, rejoice with Ceyx, who maketh his cabin in the Halcyon’s hold. For I bless the children of Asher for the evil I did them and the good I might have received at their hands. Let Magdiel rejoice with Ascarides, which is the life of the bowels—the worm hath a part in our frame. For I rejoice like a worm in the rain in him that cherishes and from him that tramples. Let Becher rejoice with Oscen who terrifies the wicked, as trumpet and alarm the coward. For I am ready for the trumpet and alarm to fight, to die and to rise again. Let Shaul rejoice with Circos, who hath clumsy legs, but he can wheel it the better with his wings. For the banish’d of the Lord shall come about again, for so he hath prepared for them. Let Hamul rejoice with the Crystal, who is pure and translucent. For sincerity is a jewel which is pure and transparent, eternal and inestimable. Let Ziphion rejoice with the Tit-Lark who is a groundling, but he raises the spirits. For my hands and my feet are perfect as the sublimity of Naphtali and the felicity of Asher. Let Mibzar rejoice with the Cadess, as is their number, so are their names, blessed be the Lord Jesus for them all. For the names and number of animals are as the names and number of the stars. Let Jubal rejoice with Cœcilia, the woman and the slow-worm praise the name of the Lord. For I pray the Lord Jesus to translate my magnificat into verse and represent it. Let Arodi rejoice with the Royston Crow, there is a society of them at Trumpington and Cambridge. For I bless the Lord Jesus from the bottom of Royston Cave to the top of King’s Chapel. Let Areli rejoice with the Criel, who is a dwarf that towereth above others. For I am a little fellow, which is intitled to the great mess by the benevolence of God my father. Let Phuvah rejoice with Platycerotes, whose weapons of defence keep them innocent. For I this day made over my inheritance to my mother in consideration of her infirmities. Let Shimron rejoice with the Kite, who is of more value than many sparrows. For I this day made over my inheritance to my mother in consideration of her age. Let Sered rejoice with the Wittal—a silly bird is wise unto his own preservation. For I this day made over my inheritance to my mother in consideration of her poverty. Let Elon rejoice with Attelabus, who is the Locust without wings. For I bless the thirteenth of August, in which I had the grace to obey the voice of Christ in my conscience. Let Jahleel rejoice with the Woodcock, who liveth upon suction and is pure from his diet. For I bless the thirteenth of August, in which I was willing to run all hazards for the sake of the name of the Lord. Let Shuni rejoice with the Gull, who is happy in not being good for food. For I bless the thirteenth of August, in which I was willing to be called a fool for the sake of Christ. Let Ezbon rejoice with Musimon, who is from the ram and she-goat. For I lent my flocks and my herds and my lands at once unto the Lord. Let Barkos rejoice with the Black Eagle, which is the least of his species and the best-natured. For nature is more various than observation tho’ observers be innumerable. Let Bedan rejoice with Ossifrage—the bird of prey and the man of prayer. For Agricola is Γηωοργος. Let Naomi rejoice with Pseudosphece who is between a wasp and a hornet. For I pray God to bless polly in the blessing of Naomi and assign her to the house of david. Let Ruth rejoice with the Tumbler—it is a pleasant thing to feed him and be thankful. For I am in charity with the French who are my foes and Moabites because of the Moabitish woman. Let Ram rejoice with the Fieldfare, who is a good gift from God in the season of scarcity. For my Angel is always ready at a pinch to help me out and to keep me up. Let Manoah rejoice with Cerastes, who is a Dragon with horns. For christopher must slay the Dragon with a pheon’s head. Let Talmai rejoice with Alcedo, who makes a cradle for its young, which is rock’d by the winds. For they have seperated me and my bosom, whereas the right comes by setting us together. Let Bukki rejoice with the Buzzard, who is clever, with the reputation of a silly fellow. For Silly fellow! Silly fellow! is against me and belongeth neither to me nor my family. Let Michal rejoice with Leucocruta who is a mixture of beauty and magnanimity. For he that scorneth the scorner hath condescended to my low estate. Let Abiah rejoice with Morphnus who is a bird of passage to the Heavens. For Abiah is the father of Joab and Joab of all Romans and English Men. Let Hur rejoice with the Water-wag-tail, who is a neighbour, and loves to be looked at. For they pass me by in their tour, and the good Samaritan is not yet come. Let Dodo rejoice with the purple Worm, who is cloathed sumptuously, tho he fares meanly. For I bless God in behalf of trinity college in cambridge and the society of purples in london. Let Ahio rejoice with the Merlin who is a cousin german of the hawk. For I have a nephew christopher to whom I implore the grace of God. Let Joram rejoice with the Water Rail, who takes his delight in the river. For I pray God bless the cam—Mmr higgs and mr and mrs washbourne as the drops of the dew. Let Chileab rejoice with Ophion who is clean made, less than an hart, and a Sardinian. For I pray God bless the king of Sardinia and make him an instrument of his peace. Let Shephatiah rejoice with the little Owl, which is the wingged Cat. For I am possessed of a cat, surpassing in beauty, from whom I take occasion to bless Almighty God. Let Ithream rejoice with the great Owl, who understandeth that which he professes. For I pray God for the professors of the University of Cambridge to attend and to amend. Let Abigail rejoice with Lethophagus—God be gracious to the widows indeed. For the Fatherless Children and widows are never deserted of the Lord.