#about a transphobic woman we were mocking

[judas-isariot]

"You know, she have determination ! Too bad it's for the wrong thing"

-Judas 14/07/2023

[genderqueerdykes]

there really is a cultural pressure for transmascs & men to detransition, and it comes from all sides. it comes from the queer community too, not just terfs and cishet transphobes.

it took me a while to realize why transphobic people and transandrophobic queers utterly despise trans guys & mascs who are over the age of like 25- it's because it pisses them right off that we've resisted their attempts to make us detransition. it makes them so angry to see they were unable to groom that person into a life of self-shame and repression. it really seems like MOST people believe that trans men will just detransition eventually in life? people NEVER think about older trans men, only teenage trans boys and trans men in their very early twenties.

when i was involved with my local punk scene i was addressed with condescension, almost everyone around me didn't accept transmasculinity as a legitimate identity and thought that we would've transitioned by now in life. i encountered folks who would talk about transmasculinity with subtle disgust that made me feel like i was doing something wrong, and people who expressed overt disgust, saying in plain english that they were disgusted by breasts and vaginas because they were gay men. all along the way i was literally mocked for not having a penis, and one of my roommates started treating me differently once they found out i didn't have one (because they were attracted to me)

i've been on T for 9 years, and been out as a trans man for a bit longer than that, and i noticed as i've aged i've also attracted a lot of folks who have tried to deter me from identifying as a trans man, either through directly telling me that trans men are inherently dangerous, or by implying that women or another gender are safer, quieter, calmer, "less traumatizing to be around," etc. one of my exes told me they were terrified to date me (despite literally going out of their way to do so for over half a year) because they were scared i would be transphobic to them because i'm a transmasculine lesbian.

i received pressure from online friends to either detransition and become an intersex butch woman, or to something feminine adjacent or nonbinary. for years i dealt with a few friends who kept subtly hinting that i should stop identifying as a trans man or trans masc because of how awful transmascs are- going as far as to sending me screenshots of transmascs speaking, complaining about them and calling them whiny, annoying. talking about how all transmascs are entitled, how all transmascs take things too personally, how we complain too much, and so on.

people make no effort to make space for transmascs and men. i met 0 transmascs in my local punk community that i was able to stay in contact with. none. i met a few in passing but none that actually were introduced to me in a capacity where i could actually try to befriend them. it really felt like other punks in the scene were desperately trying to keep the transmascs apart at times. excuses were made as to why i couldn't hang out with other transmascs i liked, but i was constantly being forced to befriend transphobic cis gay men and transandrophobic transfemmes who outwardly expressed hatred and disgust of us. it really felt like it was on purpose... almost as if other members of this community wanted our attention, but never wanted us to give each other attention or a sense of community. like we were objects, not people to be included in the community for real. satellite friends, if you will.

i'll be honest with you. i was at my lowest at this point. i realized i wasn't just a trans man and that i'm a genderqueer person who experiences multiple genders, including womanhood and an "other" gender, which was great. however now i was being forced to completely stuff down being a man for the sake of other people. instead of folks telling me they'd rather not hang out with transmascs, folks rather just attempted to guilt me for identifying as such in the hopes i'd stop identifying that way. i was being told daily that trans men and mascs are inherently violent and terrible to be around. i was in discord servers where transmascs were being kicked constantly for getting even slightly upset about transandrophobia, or being unfairly targeted by staff.

it's violence, but nobody wants to call it that. i pulled myself out of there and am now able to contact other transmascs and trans men who are proud of who they are and have elevated me back into a headspace where it's okay to truly be myself. just keep in mind that if you feel like you're in that situation, you're not alone. people who attempt to groom others are often very subtle it's not always up front. they will start slipping in hateful sentiments very slowly and make you feel like maybe they're the ones who are actually right.

it feels good to be an almost 32 year old trans guy. there's nothing to be ashamed about there. people project their feelings on to my gender and that has nothing to do with me. it has nothing to do with you, either. people will just project on to you for whatever reason- hatred is usually the motivator there. if you encounter folks who keep trying to badger you out of identifying as your gender, no matter who you are, transmasc, transfemme, transneutral, trans anything- they are not good for you. they are not your friends. they do not accept you as you are and you deserve so much better.

[genderkoolaid]

Examples of transandrophobia: i've seen sections of Leslie Feinberg's piece "Sisterhood: Make it Real" passed around this site for literally years, and TODAY was the first time that I saw the whole thing and learned that ze called out cisfeminists in it for getting rid of trans men the second they started transitioning. Like I always thought it was a good piece but I had literally NO IDEA that it talked about trans men because that part was never included in posts about it, even when those posts were calling out cisfeminism for being transphobic. I'm just gobsmacked tbh

This is a great point!

Honestly more people need to read that full chapter. There's a lot of really good points.

Amongst other things, Leslie talks about how "women good men bad" is poor feminism:

Of course, as a result of the oppression women face growing up in such a violently anti-woman environment, some women draw a line between women as allies and men as enemies. While it’s understandable that an individual might do so out of fear, this approach fails as theory. It lumps John Brown and John D. Rockefeller together as enemies and Sojourner Truth and Margaret Thatcher together as allies. This view of who to trust and who to dread will not keep women safe or keep the movement on course.

How feminine men are victims of gender oppression:

The oppression of feminine men is an important one to me, since I consider drag queens to be my sisters. I’ve heard women criticize drag queens for “mocking women’s oppression” by imitating femininity to an extreme, just as I’ve been told that I am imitating men. Feminists are justifiably angry at women’s oppression - so am I! I believe, however, that those who denounce drag queens aim their criticism at the wrong people. This misunderstanding doesn’t take gender oppression into account. For instance, to criticize male-to-female drag performers, but leave out a discussion of gender oppression, lumps drag queen RuPaul together with men like actor John Wayne! RuPaul is a victim of gender oppression, as well as of racism.

How masculine women are assumed to know less about gender oppression:

But I grew up very masculine, so the complex and powerful set of skills that feminine girls developed to walk safely through the world were useless to me. I had to learn a very different set of skills, many of them martial. While we both grew up as girls, our experiences were dissimilar because our gender expressions were very different. Masculine girls and women face terrible condemnation and brutality including sexual violence - for crossing the boundary of what is “acceptable” female expression. But masculine women are not assumed to have a very high consciousness about fighting women’s oppression, since we are thought to be imitating men.

And as you said, how trans men deserve access to women's and lesbian's spaces without having their transmasculinity ignored or seen as being butch-in-denial:

And our female-to-male transsexual brothers have a right to feel welcome at women’s movement events or lesbian bars. However, that shouldn’t feed into to misconception that all female-to-male transsexuals were butches who just couldn’t deal with their oppression as lesbians. If that were true, then why does a large percentage of post-transition transsexual men identify as gay and bisexual, which may have placed them in a heterosexual or bisexual status before their transition? There are transsexual men who did help build the women’s and lesbian communities, and still have a large base of friends there. They should enjoy the support of women on their journey. Doesn’t everyone want their friends around them at a time of great change? And women could learn a great deal about what it means to be a man or a woman from sharing the lessons of transition.

Not that "trans women belong in feminism" wouldn't be a good point on its own, but people's selectivity with which parts of that chapter they share definitely warrant scrutiny.

[spacelazarwolf]

I've recently saw a post that was a screenshot of a r/ftm thread.. that was asking if it was possible to get 4-5 inches of bottom growth.. and the post on tumblr and all the comments where just "look at this idiot men thinking think this is possible, their all obsessed with dick" and "Men will always lie about their dick size"

And it just left a really gross taste in my mouth.. cause like it was just a question post, like it was someone just asking if it is possible. They weren't claiming they did have that much, they were just looking for information. They were all just so judgmental of someone who was asking an honest question about medical transitioning... Like would they be as judgemental towards a transwomen asking how much boob growth she would get?

Idk it just sort of suck with me and kinda made me feel shitty... Cause why are we judging trans people trying to get more information? What does this accomplish... Cause fuck if I was the one asking that question then saw the post laughing and mocking me for it I probably feel deeply uncomfortable asking questions about bottom growth in the future.

that’s just straight up transphobic. bottom growth is already heavily stigmatized, and posts like that just make it worse. and tbh you’re right, if that had been a post from a trans woman asking about breast growth, it likely would not have been met with such disdain. folks really need to start acknowledging the way transphobia toward trans men is so normalized in the queer and trans community under the guys of “acknowledging they’re men.” if the only time you “affirm” trans men’s gender is when you’re mocking them or labeling them as predatory or evil, chances are you don’t actually consider them to be men you just saw an opportunity to express transphobic biases you still haven’t unpacked.

[hjellacott]

To those agreeing with what I say but saying I'm mean and "Let's just be nice" when we're discussing TRA things or feminism or J. K. Rowling... I am DONE being nice.

I was nice the first 100.000 times. Now I've been bombarded with private messages and Tumblr "post" (the envelope thingy) and general comments, plus seeing dozens of posts that I just can't be nice and patient about. Because these MORONS and some of them, actual TERRORISTS, are literary burning books, twisting the Harry Potter stories to justify their unjustifiable extremism, harassing children for being Potterheads, mocking adults for finding solace in Harry Potter, attacking and sending death threats and death wishes to everyone that disagrees with them, manipulating children, autistic, and also all kinds of mentally disabled people to absorb their agenda and mutilate their bodies, targeting the lives of people who disagree with them and attacking them and their loved ones, cyberbullying left and right hiding beneath anonymous names and pink and blue flags, burning and thrashing businesses where feminists go, turning Pride into an event where rapists are being allowed to take the mic and say to kill women (literally) and being applauded, saying homosexuality is transphobic and raping lesbians and gays, applauding men changing in locker rooms in front of little girls, applauding men taking over women's sports and spaces, applauding sending rapists to women's prisons, applauding children being brainwashed into life changing treatments, terrorising the world, imposing their own agenda with violence and threats, silencing and attacking the detrans community, manipulating the media, fucking it all up for all the normal trans people who are now thanks to the TRAS being seen as terrorists, and justifying their hatred and their violence on them having basically no reading comprehension, twisting people's words to have a pity party, and creating a self-imposed narrative to try and convince us that everyone wants them to die so it's all right for them to attack everyone else and be given free reign and justification to do so. Police can't even report that a criminal is trans any more and people are losing their jobs for reporting crimes by trans people, for fuck's sakes.

Do you know how often I've dealt with the same lazy justification to "explain" to me, a mixed race Jewish descent woman, why JK Rowling is anti semitic or racist? Or why she's transphobic? And every time one tries to nicely point out that they're twisting things and decontextualising them and inserting their own racist views, they just tell you to kill yourself. They've taken over press, media, social media, pride, women's spaces, they're going after children, attacking local pubs and restaurants... I'm not going to allow it. I'm done being nice.

I see them bullying the detrans community and shutting them up. I see how they harass and threaten the trans community that doesn't want to occupy women's spaces or that doesn't condone violence and threats and wants children to be left alone. I see how they attack women, lesbians and gays. I have a collection of articles of their rapes and other attacks, mainly to women. And they won't brainwash me.

I'm not afraid. These are a violent, terrorist mob that is taking over the left and making themselves the victims when we haven't faced a more aggressive and dangerous mob since the Nazis. Have you seen the videos of the teens and young adults crying in the US Congress, talking about how afraid they are when they see men changing in their lockers, or talking about how their breasts were chopped off and begging us, adults, to stop this nonsense? I have and I'm listening.

Like Joanne Rowling, like all the women who won't wheesht, I'm going to fight for those kids, for the normal people in the trans community, for detransitioners, gays, lesbians, mentally disabled... I'm not afraid and I'm not nice. Not any more. You want a fight? I'm full of weapons.

[slaket-and-sprash]

My opinion on the whole "Birdetta" thing

Listen let me preface this by saying I'm a huge lifelong Mario fan, and I'm also a trans woman. I also really like Birdo as a charecter. Imo she's one of my favorite charecters in the entire series and I love her and Vivian for being one of the few trans reps in media as a kid.

That being said, my personal headcanon regarding Yoshis and Birdos are that they're the same species. Much like Hens and Roosters, they look extremely different and most people treat them as different species but they're the same species, just they have extreme differences in appearences. So I always thought Yoshis and Birdos were the same species, just Yoshis were the males of that race and Birdos were the females of that race.

I mean...correct me if I'm wrong but we haven't seen any explicitly Yoshis who are women, or Birdos who are men in the games. So it checks out right? And we haven't seen any Yoshis or Birdos named anything other than well...Yoshi and Birdo respectively. I always thought this was common place in the mushroom kingdom. There are some deviations to this rule though like Gonzalas Jr. From TTYD or any Toad who's name isn't Toad.

So I always thought the main Birdo in the Mario series...the one in Mario 2 and who's playeble in the spinoffs. Was originally named "Yoshi" and now is Birdo. With Birdetta being a possible nickname.

As for the Mario 2 manual it could possibly be a mistranslation...they mixed up Ostro and Birdo's names after all. Or it could be a case of early instalment weirdness with her name. There's so much weird stuff in earlier instruction manuals that don't appear in the games so it could possibly be non canon at this point.

Another thing I would like to point out- is that Birdo's description in the Mario 2 manual is clearly a transphobic joke. It is meant to mock trans people. Birdo has become a genuine good and genuine peice of trans representation since then of course. But it still irks me that people are treating a transphobic, poorly translated blurb in a game released so early in the series as canon gospel over the last 20+ years of her being playeble in Mario games, it's annoying.

And besides I...don't think that Birdo's friends and boyfriend Yoshi would dead name her regularly. Plus it's not a pleasent thought to think Mario and his friends would dead name birdo for 20+ years.

So yeah I just wanted to put this out here. You can headcanon whatever you want in a peice of media, if you headcanon Birdo as Birdetta you do you. But you don't have to spam any post that even remotely mentions Birdo and make people adopt your headcanon about her. Just as you don't have to adopt my headcanon about Yoshi's and Birdos being the same species.

[ukrfeminism]

A woman has been arrested on suspicion of attempted murder after a trans teenager was stabbed 14 times in a “shocking and violent” attack in London.

The victim, an 18-year-old trans woman, was rushed to hospital after police were called to Masons Avenue in Wealdstone, northwest London at around 7pm GMT on Saturday (10 January).

19-year-old Summer Betts-Ramsey has been charged with attempted murder and possession of an offensive weapon in public. She will remain in custody until March 12, when a plea hearing is set to take place at the Old Bailey, the London Evening Standard reports.

Willesden Magistrates Court heard on Tuesday (13 February) that the victim had arranged to attend a roller-skating party with friends in Harrow Leisure Centre on the day of the alleged attack.

She was allegedly attacked by a group and was subjected to transphobic slurs before being stabbed 14 times. She was rushed to hospital for treatment and subsequently discharged.

Four people have been arrested in connection with the alleged stabbing.

Detective Inspector Nicola Hannant, who is leading the investigation, said in a statement: “This was a shocking and violent attack and we continue to support the victim and her family as she recovers from her injuries.

“We have already arrested four people however we continue to appeal for anyone who may have been in the area or who believes they have further information to come forward and speak to us.

“We have increased police patrols in the area and would encourage people to approach these officers with any information or concerns.”

The attack came just one day before a vigil marking the one-year anniversary of Brianna Ghey’s murder took place over the weekend. The trans teenager was stabbed to death in Warrington last February by two teenagers, Scarlett Jenkinson and Eddie Ratcliffe, who were both handed life sentences earlier this month.

Laura Mackay, CEO of LGBTQ+ youth charity Just Like Us, said: “We are horrified to hear that yet another trans girl has been stabbed in the UK this past weekend. No one should ever have to fear for their safety because they are part of the LGBT+ community. 

“Just one year on from the murder of Brianna Ghey, we are still witnessing anti-trans jokes in Parliament, shocking comments across social media platforms, and newspaper headlines that seek to mock and vilify.  It is clear that transphobia, in any guise and at any level, leads to devastating hate crimes.

“Trans young people deserve to feel safe at home, at school, or while out roller-skating with their friends – the violence must stop.”

Anyone with information about the incident should call 101 with reference 6306/10Feb or contact independent charity Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111.

[enigmasong]

And, again, we have to consider what kind of pressure Oda might be under when it comes to being able to present gender non-conforming.

Shueisha, by all means, seems a fairly conservative company. They clearly don't let female characters in the Shonen Jump publishing to act out of certain perimeters, like being in heavy combat against male characters (and how many of their girl lead stories are action pieces, hmm?). And they also clearly want that sweet, suspiciously sticky incel otaku yen, so any character with big naturals have to be sexualized and feminized to sell those pillow cases.

Just look at how Oda's fem characters went from fairly balanced figures in the early series to cartoonishly boobish with waist lines he can't be bothered to keep consistent. (He broke his drawing pattern for them into a two-step system - does that really sound he cares about drawing them that way?)

This would go doubly for trans characters. TransFems get mocking depictions and TransMasc get their gender nonconformity erased because transphobia is just as much part of the conservative makeup of Japan as it is over here in the west.

It's highly possible (and I'd say downright likely) that Oda had to depict the kama the way he did because that's the only way he was allowed to put trans rep in at all.

The give and take is actually pretty visible: the New Kama of Impel Down are actually a pretty Utopian vision of gender presentation where people were able to fully present wherever on the scale they wanted without judgement while the Old Kama of Peach Island were presented as borderline monsters.

And that gets further contrasted in the anime where the Old Kama, while still having to chase down an unwilling Sanji to follow manga plot, got to be shown as more fleshed out people who feared transphobic backlash, jumped to conclusions, and were able to see through Sanji's masc performative bullshit.

Likewise, Oda shows TransMasc Yamato in the male bath and TransFem OKiku in the female bath, then later, Yamato gets shown in a traditionally female outfit and context and in a cover with other 'girls' that Kiku is notably absent from.

Not to necessarily say Oda didn't want to make those that way (forced intent from others doesn't mean no intent on a single person's part [but it doesn't also mean that person shares the viewpoint on it that the others do]), but that Oiran Yamato practically screams anime figure merch design and the merch licenses would definitely far prefer to present the boob haver as 'woman' because, again, suspiciously sticker incel otaku yen.

Similar for today's chapter cover: Nami has to wear bikini tops a lot because boobs sells (again, not saying that Oda doesn't necessarily want to put her in them - I mean I low key think it, but I'm not actually saying it). Yamato has boobs, Yamato must be used to move issues - Kiku doesn't have boobs, Kiku cannot be shown in public like that.

(I've got a strong feeling that the only reason Oda was able to get away with Kiku so easily was because of the way traditional Japanese women clothing views slimness as its beauty standard and, as such, she's able to pass as a 'natural' woman and sell fetishized figures still.)

And it's also noticeable that, in today's cover, all the characters are wearing t-shirts and tank tops and not bikinis. The thing nearly all the other summer time covers have the female characters in.

Again, we can't say definitively how much of a willing or unwilling agent Oda-san is in this and we probably won't get to know until that distant day when he's no longer under contract with and say whatever shit about Shueisha he wants, but reading between the lines in the story he's written, I'm willing to bet on the answer being 'not as willing as he pretends to be'.

Oda-san is one of the more head-strong mangakas, but even he's beholden to the bureaucratic publishing system and he still has to sacrifice some things he wants to do to insure others that will be pushed back against can still make it to print.

[gaylittleeddie]

just saying it’s crazy how some of y’all are gaslighting buddie stans into thinking all of it was in our head… when the couch theory came from buddie stans in the first place and they made it canon. they made buck fall asleep on eddies couch. they made eddie be the first one that made Buck equate the couch to romance. this wasn’t in our head. they took a theory that we created, strung us along with it and fed into it, made it canon, only to turn around and mock us with it in the end. I can guarantee you that if this was a man and a woman, you wouldn’t be telling us that it’s all in our heads and that we turned it into something it wasn’t.

This was to purposely mock Buddie stans and it was a slap in the face. I can’t believe y’all are in the buddie tag like “in their defense no one ever said it was about Eddie and you guys created something out of nothing.” It was implied. It was literally implied. The blond hatred that some of you have for buddie stans is so annoying honestly and I’m not understanding how you can see what we went through with this whole couch theory debacle, something that came from US, and say that we’re being unreasonably upset. We’re not.

Lets really take a step back and look at how this show treats its queer characters and fans. Paul had a hella transphobic storyline, henren cheating arc, Michael and David never even showing any actual intimacy besides a hug, Eva being the only possible bi character and being villianized. Tarlos and Henren never having a moment to just breathe and be happy unlike their straight counter ships. Buck being hinted as bi only for them to laugh in our faces over it. Henren having way less screen time and advertisement than any other couple. It’s the fact that I know henren adoption storyline is going to have more angst than happy moments where they’re yet again faced with the idea of not being able to have another child after getting their hopes up. So walk with me here, is it really that hard to believe that Buddie stans were played here? if you look at it even from the sights of just a queer fan, rather than just a buddie stan, you will see this is a common track record with them.

People who don’t even watch the show are reading up on what happened and are saying this was horrible for them to do. So why can’t you see it? Why are you riding so hard for them and telling buddie stans that they made it up? Yes. That’s the point. We made the couch theory and they took it and purposely twisted it after feeding into it. We didn’t make it into something it’s not. Couch theory started back when Taylor moved out from what I can remember. And so many important buddie scenes took place on their couches. Like this was our thing and it was used to mock us. We’re allowed to criticize the show for this. Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it wasn’t ever real.

[spammmies]

sometimes i’ll see a vid and remember that cis ppl rly don’t realise that trans ppl r human.

context: i saw a video from a cis woman ranting about the “period debate” and how that made her feel as someone with pcos. she mostly just spoke about the very real horrors ppl w pcos go through. at the start, she briefly touched on how the phrase “periods don’t belong to women” means different things in different spaces- like in trans inclusive spaces it just acknowledges that trans men and some non binary ppl can get periods too.

but still. somehow. the op and all the commenters. forgot. that pcos is not exclusive to cis ppl.

trans ppl. can have pcos too.

trans ppl can be afflicted with the same shit cis ppl do.

trans ppl are

HUMAN

the vid really rubbed me the wrong way- almost like a centrist Trying to placate the trans community by giving us a shout out, but really she’s still speaking from a place of fear instilled by transphobes. she goes right back to centring herself as a cis woman- “sure we don’t own periods but we can’t disown them” first of all, no one is asking you to disown them. what does that even mean? and how does that help any of us? second of all, how does this relate to trans people?

there was a lot of “well if trans women want periods they can take mine lol” and “why would anyone want periods??? it’s hellish and oppressive” and while i’m not a trans woman, i can safely say that not many people actually Want periods. people Want to be affirmed. people Want to be respected. and that’s the thing cis ppl fundamentally misunderstand abt trans ppl. when a 11 yr old girl is excited for her first period, she’s not excited for the period. she’s excited for the symbolism- the womanhood or the coming of age. same fkn shit!! it’s not ABOUT the period!!!! literally all we want is to be seen and treated as human. even then, most of this “debate” isn’t ABOUT trans women or non binary ppl!!! it’s about the trans men and non binary ppl that still menstruate!!!!! it’s abt including us and improving trans healthcare and period care!!! which i KNOW is still pretty vague but forgive me i’m typing at 2am!!!!!

i’ve blocked the op now, because my insides kept getting itchy over how the vid felt transphobic but if i called attention to it, i would look silly or sensitive because it’s something only trans ppl are receptive to. the comments were FULL of cis women being super appreciative and agreeing wholeheartedly- which was weird because it also felt like op said a whole lot of nothing. 3 min vid: “pcos bad and Only cis women’s experience with misogyny is tied to it” comments: “WOOO PREACH YES FINALLY SOMEONE SAID THIS”

though i do wish i didn’t chicken out and i actually asked these guys something:

how are we mocking you for having periods/pcos? is it really mocking, or are you feeling defensive because people are trying to tell you you’re not the only ones that deal with this shit?

does being told that this experience isn’t inherently womanly somehow take something from you? does it somehow deny your reality? well it shouldn’t, you’re more than welcome to link your own period and reproductive capabilities to your womanhood! just know that period=woman or period=feminism is nowhere near universal.

finally, does realising that trans people are human, and that they share experiences with you, threaten you?

tldr cis ppl r irritating me bc covert transphobia is SO annoying when u cant do anything abt it

[ariamariastark1]

ASOIAF Fandom: conformist femininity vs hyper-femininity - PT1

Social and Cultural Context

Continuing my rant about how femininity is treated by the ASOIAF fandom ( mostly to be misogynistic/transphobic), today I came to an epiphany:

This fandom is confusing conformist femininity with hyper-femininity! Let me explain:

In our world, in the '60s/'70s, western society went through a wave of feminism that rejected how the West idealised and constricted women. Back in the day, women were expected to be docile, soft, submissive, dependent and be 24/7 ready to serve their male counterparts (father/husband), either it was by literally serving them (cooking, cleaning) or by appealing to them (aesthetically or sexually) as well as to marry and to have kids as soon as possible. This general rejection impacted the way that we see women and femininity in the modern era by broadening what is now considered acting and dressing 'feminine' and by allowing women to not only have more career options but also by not making working as a woman a shameful thing.

Unfortunately, this rejection turned out to be a double edge sword: at the same time, opportunities were opened for women, the lines between conforming and not conforming continued just as thin, and the consequences continued to be just as harsh, however now the "ideal woman" from the past is partially there as she and the tomboy/ masculine women were both considered non-conforming. This was reflected in pop culture/media from the mid-'90s to the early 2010s, where girls who expressed themselves by dressing and enjoying overly feminine things like pink were mocked and villainized. It started as a criticism of how (white) rich girls overconsumed and acted and evolved to the Not Like The Other Girls (NLTOG) archetype.

In the last years, the new wave of feminism started questioning this portrait of women and the cultural devaluation of girlhood; Now, once again, society's views on femininity are shifting, which is marked by the popularisation of aesthetics that appeal to either the hyper-feminine villainess of the '90s/'00s media like Y2K and Bimbo-core or to the "ideal woman" of the first half of the 20th century like Cottagecore. But because of the rise in conservatism, this discussion has been appropriated by Tradwives and Trans-Exclusionary-Radical-Feminists (Terfs) and twisted to make it seem that women that fit into 'traditional femininity' are somehow more oppressed than the modern woman/non-conforming woman.

What these people fail to understand is that what made women more vulnerable to misogyny during the '90s-2010 era was not the expensive dresses, not the pink or pastel clothing, not the fashionable assembles or passive lifestyle, but the fact that these women were choosing how to express themselves and their femininity in a way that deviated from what society expected from their class, age and race. If a woman dresses, acts and believes in the way that her society demands she has conformist femininity; if she expresses herself by exaggerating those same demands or by renouncing them, they present non-conformist femininity.

[fortunatelyfemme]

about the blog

this is a positivity and inspiration blog for femmes of all genders and sexualities.

there will be a mixture of writing and art about being femme, positivity for femme identities, selfies of people who identify as femme, and outfits/makeup/accessories that we find inspiring for our own femme identities (tagged as #insp)

femme is not a lesbian-only term. we will not reblog men-DNI posts to this blog.

what is femme?

whatever it means to you. femme is queering femininity. it's dispossessed femininity. our definition of femme is best summarized by this excerpt from Elizabeth Marston's Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme:

"Let me tell you what femme has meant for me and what it could mean for everyone. Let me stretch the word. Let’s say that femme is dispossessed femininity. It’s the femininity of those who aren’t allowed to be real women and who have to roll their own feminine gender. Rolling their own is what cis-femme lesbians did in the fifties. By class and by sexual preference, they were dispossessed of real womanhood. For what woman is complete without money or a man? So they learned how to improvise, how to sew; how to turn a thrift-store sow’s ear into a vintage silk purse. Rolling their own is what contemporary femme dykes do. Invisible in straight spaces and frequently trivialized in queer ones, they must voice their femininity in a way that does not get shouted down or ignored. No easy task. Rolling their own is what drag queens and trannies do and have always done. For what woman is complete without hairless skin and a cunt? We too learned how to improvise, and when we were mocked as caricatures of real women, we often became skilled caricaturists, owning the insult, engulfing it. And this is what femme gay men do, too. Dangerously visible in straight space and often ridiculed in gay male space, femme gay men take shit from all sides. The straights dish it to them because they’re visible. Second-wave feminists dish it to them because they’re both feminine and male, and have thus sinned twice. Other gay men dish it to them for acting like, well, chicks. What these groups share, apart from a fondness for eyeliner, is the illegitimacy of their femininity. That’s how I understand femme: badass, rogue, illegitimate femininity. It’s the femininity of those who aren’t supposed to be feminine, who aren’t allowed to be, but are anyway. Second-wave feminists used to slander both feminine dykes and transsexual women as “female impersonators.” And this is true. What they missed is that female impersonation is what femme is."

we do not have a DNI, but radfems, transphobes, exclusionists, exorsexists, and terminology gatekeepers get blocked.

[opinated-user]

Have you seen her accusation masterpost on Tumblr? I did and while I don't know much about most of it, I do know that her avatar isn't lighter than her actual skin colour plus she has no excuse to be transphobic, it's still shitty to misgender someone

indeed, i have my own post responding to every point here: https://www.tumblr.com/opinated-user/699281425408655360/lily-orchard-accusations-masterpost-response?source=share||

some of her "defenses" are an admission of guilt with a flimsy excuse that nobody but her and other bigots would admit ("i mocked a trans woman's voice because i was going for mocking that trans woman"/"i misgendered a trans person because i don't like them", "i was rude and dismissive when someone asked me why my stream where i was planning to flash my body was 18+", "i didn't talked about the antisemitism of this show because i didn't felt like to", "i had a few slip ups like repeating a song with the n-word on it in the past and i haven't apoligized for it, but it's okay because it was on the past"), nothing that actually adresses the allegation ("i had a black girlfriend so i can't fetishize black women") or a complete misrepresentation of what people were actually accusing her for to make it seem more outlandish. the point about the avatar being "lighter" is still so... confusing why she thinks that is a defense at sll? first because it's not, everyone can see by themselves, and second because she continuesly admits that there's a difference between her skin tone and the avatar... she just refuses to explain why, when she already knows what her actual skin tone is. we know why of course. because she wants to be seen as brown to be more "authentically Native" (nevermind that only racists believe that being Native is all about skin tone and ignore the cultural/community aspect of it), more exotic, more "inherently interesting" than being a common pale skin person, both to use as a shield the next time someone calls her out for being a creep and refuse accountability for her racist ignorance. on top of probably fetishizing WOC in general. but if she's so pressed to use this new excuse, you'd think that she at least would bother creating the rest of the excuse. "yes, my skin tone is different than the avatar's because..." the only time she did tried to excuse it was to throw under the bus either Lizzy or her current wife, neither of them believeable anyway when we all know she had a tight grip over how the avatar should be.

[lunatic-fandom-space]

This is kindof random but this is a thought ive had for a long time and I wanna share it

Why the fuck are there four hogwarts houses when two of them are blatantly irrelevant and the third one only exists to provide generic ass bully characters

When I was like 11 or 10 I watched the second or third harry potter movie with my class at school and it inspired to come up with a fantasy school story of my own. (Now the actual worldbuilding was more based on Winx Club and The School of Good and Evil which were basically the only other fantasy school stories i knew and liked at the time but whatever)

So i dreamt up my cool magic school and i did a house system just like in Harry Potter except there were only two: The Good One for all my typical goody two shoes protags and The Evim One for all my way more interesting edgy side characters that would inevitably join the main cast

Thats literally all you need. She shouldve made a fucking House of Light Magic and then a House of Dark Magic, thats way less nonsensical and pointless and I feel like its the way more obvious for a kids book (and dont give me that "oh shes british thats what the schools there are like" shit, only weird private british bording schools are like that and Im pretty sure those are expensive as hell and if I remember correctly JKRs family was never really well off so)

I was gonna end the post there but I gotta ramble abt something more personal as well

The reason i know abt JKs family being poor probably is that I was in a writing club/workshop type thing last in 2021 and during one of our biweekly meetings we just watched a documentary about her and all i took away from it was that JKR is so unimaginative of a writer that she could only come up with the concept of evil creatures that suck all the happiness out of you until you want to kill yourself after she experienced depression herself and like, not to brag but I actually came up with that exact same concept when I was like 8 and barely aware of both Harry Potter and what it meant to be unhappy

Am I saying that Im a better writer than Joanne K Rowling? Not when I was 8, but for sure now. Like, ive watched and read a shitton of Harry Potter reviews that include passages of her writing and its all just bad or mediocre and theres so much of it to the point where im like, ohhhhhhh i see why she got rejected from publishers 12 times. Do i realize that bad writing tends to get included in reviews more often because its fun to mock, thereby skewing my perception of her writing? Yes. Im still very confident Im better though. If you put me up against JK and went "both of you have a week to write a short story from scratch, any topic, any length" I would eviscerate that old woman until she starts crying and calling me transphobic slurs for sure

[envihellbender]

Whilst I agree that pure evil people don’t exist, that is irrelevant when talking about rich powerful people who do harm on a regular basis. I think these points about radicalisation are important when it comes to TERF thinking points absolutely. I do however also think they are being applied to precisely the wrong person.

There’s one key point that’s being missed here, and that JKR is the person in a position of power. She’s extremely wealthy. She literally got the now most powerful party in Britain to adopt TERF talking points. That’s not a conspiracy theory either, Kier Starmer the now prime minister literally started parroting her points a whole day after meeting with her, one day before the election, and there’s a lot of speculation that if he hadn’t done that they’d have had a bigger turnout in the left side of the party. That was the only way she’d support Labour since for years she went to the Tories because “Labour didn’t know what a woman was.” She is one of the richest people in the country, she is extremely powerful.

She isn’t the radicalised, she’s the radicaliser. And she’s not just transphobic, her classism, racism, fatphobia, ableism, and misogyny have always been present in the Harry Potter books. I used to have a childhood special interest in Harry Potter so thankfully my knowledge is still very much here:

1. In Order of the Phoenix Professor Umbridge is gang raped by Centaurs and her PTSD is mocked

2. The main female character’s main personality traits are she *checks notes* nags them and does all their homework

3. The goblins are greedy and run the bank, and Severus Snape has extremely Jewish caricature features

4. Severus Snape is seen as sympathetic at the end of Deathly Hallows, despite the fact he supported a genocide and bullied innocent teenagers since day one

5. Dudley’s mocked for being fat regularly, regularly

6. The Weasleys are poor, have too many kids, and are all red haired. It’s a lazy Irish Catholic stereotype, their name is literally Weasel

7. Accent classism is a huge huge huge problem in the U.K. to the point where until recent years your accent could result in you legally not being given a job because it’s an indicator of class. Hagrid’s regional accent is mocked regularly, anyone with a regional accent is mocked regularly

8. The Irish character’s personality trait is *checks notes* he blows things up and sets them on fire

9. The entire concept of squibs (who are an embarrassment and can’t be allowed in society) is the only real indicator of disabled people within the HP universe

10. There is a black character named KINGSLEY SHACKLEBOLT. Shacklebolt means: “a bolt which passes through the eyes of a shackle”. Or, what they used to shackle slaves together

11. There are many sympathetic male villains, there are much fewer sympathetic female villains - Professor Umbridge, Aunt Marge, Bellatrix Lestrange, Pansy Parkinson, and more - they are all cruel and evil people. They are never allowed to grow unlike Draco Malfoy, Severus Snape, etc

12. There is an entire species who is enslaved and they like being enslaved. The only person who sees a problem with this is Hermione Granger who is mocked for wanting to free them and it’s a comical point. I mean, Dumbledore hires Dobby and pays him wages but he still…… has a mass of slaves from day one

13. So we have Hufflepuff, a house which is very treat them all the same etc, but there are jokes of how stupid they supposedly are since day one. From the beginning we are separating children into: clever, brave, evil, and miscellaneous (miss me with Slytherin aren’t evil, they literally were until Deathly Hallows, they supported the Basilisk in Chamber of Secrets ffs)

There’s loads more but I can’t be bothered to keep going quite frankly.

And the thing is this isn’t just “it’s aged badly” because her Striker books do the exact same thing. There’s classist stereotypes, there’s xenophobia, and now there’s transphobia. In fact transphobia before she became full mega-TERF, she’s not grown or learned or been corrupted. She’s always been like this. And whilst she wasn’t always open about it, the clues have been there. The clues have always been there.

She hasn’t always been this extreme, but I remember when the rumours first started. She claimed she was having “senior moments” when she liked TERF talking points, she was just “clueless” when she made men in dress jokes, she was showing signs for many years and she was given grace and people explained the problem. She was given way way way too many chances before she went full TERF.

People keep searching for ways to argue that JK Rowling has always been a horrible person deep down as a way of explaining her recent behaviour.

But here’s the thing: that’s probably not true at all.

Pretending it is discounts the harsher, scarier truth: that even decent, well-meaning people can be radicalised by dangerous, hateful, predatory groups, and given enough time they can become truly hideous versions of their former selves.

It can happen to me. It can happen to you. It can happen to any of us, given the right mix of circumstances. And over the past few years, we’ve seen it happen to one of the most famous children’s authors of our age.

Nobody is immune.

[simonxghost-bs]

Fuck The Haters (Poly!GhostSoap/M!OC)

TW Transphobia, use of a transphobic slur

A/N: this is just a vent self ship thing. Don't read it if you don't like it.

⚠️MINORS/NO AGE ON PROFILE GO AWAY, YOU ARE NOT WELCOME⚠️

Summary:

Ghost has taken his two boyfriends, Soap and Oliver out on a mall date. The two soldiers were a stark contract to their civilian gamer boyfriend, and some rude mall-guests make it their job to point it out.

As the three men made their way through the mall, Oliver's eyes sparkled with excitement. He held a couple shopping bags as he marvled at the merchandise in Hot Topic. Ghost and Soap loved seeing him this excited, and somehow it made them happy.

"I'm gonna check out the back, lad. Don't go too crazy." soap chuckles, pressing a kiss to Oliver's cheek. Oliver playfully sticks his tongue out at Soap, and continues his search for more Sleep Token merchandise.

Ghost had decided to follow Soap, leaving Oliver unsupervised. As he's browsing, he hears giggling and whispering behind him on the other side of the jewelry display. He tried to ignore it, but it was almost impossible. He felt the anxiety rising in his throat. They're a group of young college students, two white men, one with curly hair, the other with long brown hair, and a woman around the same age.<

"Ugly ass tranny." The man with the brown hair spat. Oliver tries to keep himself from yelling at them.

"Bitch we're talking to you!" The young woman calls out. He flinches, pretending to ignore them.

"Oi! Leave him the fuck alone." A deep voice growls. "Oh yeah? What're you gonna do about it, mate?" The blonde man mocks Ghost's accent.

"Ye might wanna back the fuck away laddie." Soap growls.

"I was a fucking football player. You really wanna fuck with me, fuckin pussy?" The blonde stood up, trying to size ghost and soap up. Ghost chuckles, keeping completely calm. "Sure. If you really want to go against a lieutenant." Ghost growls. "Jake let's just go.." The girl was suddenly nervous. "We're sorry." She says, trying to encourage her proud boy friends out of the store. The blonde scoffs, shaking his head.

"You'll never be a real man, ugly bitch!" He snarls at Oliver as they leave. Oliver flinches, tears in his eyes. Ghost and Soap turn to Oliver, their angry demeanors suddenly worried.

"You alright luv?" Ghost's voice lowered to a mumble. Oliver only hugged ghost, tears in his eyes. He seemed to be shaken up from the encounter. "I wanna go home.." He whimpers. Ghost sighs, hugging Oliver tightly. Soap and Ghost's eyes met, both feeling incredibly guilty they hadn't gotten there quick enough. "Aye.. let's head home. Price'll be wanting us back soon anyways lad.." Soap's voice was calm, comforting. Oliver sniffled, clinging onto Ghost's arm as they walked back the car.

Once they had gotten back to base, Ghost and Soap held Oliver tightly as he sits down on Ghost's bed. He curled up under Ghost's blankets, sighing in relief. Ghost lies beside Oliver, pulling him into his chest.

"You know what those people said were lies, right Oli?" Ghost questions. Oliver only shrugs silently. Soap lays behind Oliver, wrapping his arms around Oliver's waist, nuzzling his face into the back of his neck. Oliver melted, feeling ghost and soap both pressing into his body was better than what any weighted blanket could do. "I know. I love you both." He says, smiling against Ghost's chest.

"We love you too, sweet boy." Ghost mumbles.

"More than ye will ever know." Soap says.

"Our sweet boy."