#about a movie by a stupid old man they're all in love with. as if he's infallible and has zero blind spots or shortcomings lol

[girlthativealwaysbeen]

heart full of love and yearning after watching one bollywood movie

[lesbiancolumbo]

(if you dont want to answer this then def dont) I am really curious about your thoughts on the latest scorsese. I've mostly been avoiding all the responses because I'm Inuk and I just don't have the fucking energy for another article churned out by a white person who doesn't give a shit. But I guess my current view is that if this is a story Scorsese really wanted to see told, he should have just supported a Native director to make it from their perspective. Hasn't he directed enough movies lmao

i'm not really going to wade too much into the "scorsese should have just supported a native director" debate since i'm not native and that's not my lane, but i think it's a reasonable desire albeit a little devoid of the unfortunate realities of this industry, which is that even a guy like martin, who is one of the most well-known and well-regarded filmmakers ever, struggled for years to get this made and that films that are from a native filmmaker's perspective are getting a tenth of the budget and buried in release (lily gives a better performance in a film called fancy dance, which i saw at sundance and is a wonderful film, and as far as i can tell, it literally does not even have US distribution yet). so i get it, i don't disagree per se, but i also get why he wanted to use his name and his clout to get this particular project off the ground.

staying in my own lane, my criticisms are mostly with the ways the film looks and how it's adapted from the source material. i think the story is compelling and it's a point in history that needed telling, but the script really takes a lot of the wind out of its own sails by giving the answer to its key question away almost immediately. i haven't read the source material but from what i do know, i think this is kinda the inevitable conclusion of wanting to have your cake and eat it too (having the dicaprio and deniro characters as the primary relationship featured in the film). the structure and pacing of the film are very messy, and i'll be honest.... i expect more visually from a "master" like martin. i expect better from the man everyone compares to a god. his last two movies look flat and boring visually. i also think dicaprio is in a different movie from everyone else, performance wise. he gives way too much at all times, it's distracting and feels tonally off with what everyone else (aside from the recent oscar winner in the cast, who i'm not even gonna dignify with a name lol) is trying to do.

the positives for me are that lily and all the other indigenous actors are insanely good in their roles, but comparatively their roles are just not as weighty compared to dicaprio and de niro. but i'll be honest..... mostly i'm just annoyed in the ways that like we seem to put our head in the sand where martin's work is concerned. like we can't acknowledge that he's not a god, he is merely a man and a flawed one at that. he can stumble and make movies that are flawed, that are (gasps) not that good. but it's the way that the critics and community are just putting their hands over their ears and going this is a masterpiece i don't wanna hear otherwise it's marty, that's pee paw, argue with the wall...... like ok. i hate the way we talk about him, it has grinded my gears for a really long time, and to be honest i'm not shocked that mollie's presence in this film is minimal compared to her male counterparts because marty's track record for women in his movies is..... no one wants to say this but i'm not afraid of the losers on film twitter who prop up two (!!!!!) movies with women who are exceptions to the rule, PISS FUCKING POOR.

so to summarize.... i don't hate the movie at all. it's definitely worth a watch, it has a lot of good things in there, but it's not a masterpiece, it's not his masterpiece, and if you really love scorsese you have to grapple with his failings and his shortcomings. i think they're very apparent in this movie, and it's neither good nor bad. it simply is.

[xinganhao]

🥈 svt vs. reader's bad boyfriend.

anon → "could you do a post with one of the members getting after yn's bf because he thinks he's not treating her well enough?"

⌗ ┆i have a terrible feeling i might've misunderstood this req,, so please forgive me if i did lol ꒰ ꒡⌓꒡꒱

‧₊˚✩彡 includes: reader has a bad boyfriend, hurt/comfort, [light] angst, crack, cussing, [short] headcanons under the cut.

🥈 headcanons .ᐟ

— "break up with him now" ✩ junhui, soonyoung, wonwoo, minghao, vernon.

ah, yes. the trope of someone who will immediately insist that breaking up is the solution, although, in this case, it's completely warranted. soonyoung and minghao are the most vocal about you ending your relationship, but in their own little ways. for his part, soonyoung's a little annoying about it— you'll barely have explained your current predicament and he's already whining, "just break things off with him!" minghao, meanwhile, actually listens, but his expressions and consequent advice are brutal. he's always been no-bullshit when it comes to life, and so when he hears about all the things your boyfriend is doing/has done? he's actively advocating for you to get up and go. junhui's the type to take it out on your boyfriend. he's constantly threatening bodily harm and various other minor crimes against the poor guy, even though he doesn't really ever act on it. he is extra cold when he's in the other man's presence, to the point that your boyfriend may be under the impression that junhui hates him. (spoiler alert! jun does!) wonwoo isn't always vocal about his distaste; he's a little more backhanded/passive-aggressive about it. he's more of an actions guy, through and through. picking up the slack here and there to show you that your boyfriend is a dick for not doing things that your friends can. vernon also struggles a bit to get the right words out, so he just... says it as it is. he may look like he's packaging his advice as a joke, but he's 100% sincere when he sends you breakup playlists and reddit threads about ending things with your significant other. that's just his way of communicating it, really.

— "but are you okay?" ✩ seungcheol, joshua, mingyu, jihoon, seokmin, seungkwan.

for the most part, all the boys are the 'just-end-your-relationship-please' type, but there's also some who rely more on expression of concern. take mingyu, for example, whose chief endeavor will be to cheer you up. he'll leave sweet nothings and encouraging notes in hopes of lifting your mood; his eyes, constantly peeled to see how you're faring. you can rant in to the wee hours of the morning, and both seungkwan and joshua will listen. they'll let you tell the same old stories again and again; even if they half-joke that you just never listen to them, they're still there as a shoulder to cry on. seungkwan is more likely to give advice, while joshua's strength lies in non-judgmental indulgence. seokmin will make it his life's mission to distract you from the issue at hand. a movie night? a trip to an obscure café? if it will improve your mood in any way, shape, or form, he's already halfway there. he won't even mention your boyfriend, if you don't bring him up. seungcheol is similar to mingyu in the sense that he best expresses his concern through little encouraging gifts. he's not the type to push the envelope, to try and get you to talk when/if you're not ready, so he just communicates to you that he's there, when/if you need him. jihoon's also a bit unsure how to navigate a relationship that's not his. he can pick up how you're feeling, at the very least, and so he instead focuses on that. he's a quiet, steadfast presence who will take you to the gym or encourage you to write songs, if only because he thinks those might be potential solutions.

— "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" ✩ jeonghan, chan.

svt's petty line, how i love you so. they can all admittedly be petty when they want to be, but these two? they take the cake. jeonghan is a big believer in "show him what he's missing." he'll snap hot photos of you on your behalf. he'll let you use him as a nice little ploy to incite some jealousy. is it a little toxic, a bit red flag-y? sure, but that asshole is putting you through much worse. jeonghan's a firm believer that revenge is a dish best served cold, and he's cold to the bone when it comes to making sure you get what you deserve. (and that your boyfriend, too, has what's coming for him.) chan is insistent that you should break up with your boyfriend, of course, but he's a big believer that you should go out with a bang. it's a bit amusing, to see one of the group's more lowkey members insist that your boyfriend should be on the receiving end of a public lashing. some might say he just likes the drama. truthfully, he just wants to make it abundantly clear to everyone that you're not someone to be messed with, and that you're not going to settle for anything less now that you've kicked the devil's incarnate to the curb.

[vanmarkus]

I know we all love the idea of Eddie keep flirting with Steve and calling him pet names, because he thinks he can get away with it.

But I've been thinking about Steve casually calling Eddie baby without even registering what he's doing.

Like they are standing outside the van with the hood open and Steve just tutting at him like "Eddie, baby, you really gotta get your transmission checked, this is like the third time this month" and Eddie's losing his shit, mouth hanging open in shock, but Steve has no idea and it just keeps on happening after that.

Next time it happens, they are all over at Steve's, having a movie night and Steve has El and Max passed out on him, making him unable to get up from the couch without waking them and he just whisper-yells to Eddie "Hey babe, could you pass me a beer? Kinda tied up here" and Eddie just blanks and says nothing, but gets a bottle from the sixpack on the floor and Steve says "thanks" like it's just how things have always been between them.

And Eddie's working himself into a frenzy. Has Steve got no idea about what he's doing to him? Because Eddie's been lowkey crushing on Steve since he got mixed up in the whole Upside Down business and it just got worse when he woke up at the hospital to Steve holding his hand and giving him the brightests of smiles that there was, rubbing his thumb over Eddie's knuckles, whispering a soft "Hey there sleeping beauty, how're ya feeling?" while being completely oblivious to the suspicious look Wayne was giving them. And sure, hanging out with him nearly every day didn't help the situation one bit.

But this. This is going to be the death of him.

And it just keeps on happening. Steve murmurs "goodnight baby" into the phone before hanging up, he shouts "babe, come here, you gotta see this" when Lucas ends up stuffing fifteen oreos into his mouth (which is a new personal record) and whispers "hey baby, I'm sorry, I know you'd rather do something else, but I promised Mrs Wheeler" when they're watching Holly's ballet recital, waving at her from their seats when her eyes land on them.

It all comes to a head when Eddie's stupid van breaks down in the middle of fucking nowhere, on their way back from Indianapolis, after going there to buy a special boardgame for Dustin's birthday.

There's not a single car or house to be seen anywhere in a ten mile radius.

"Oh this is just great," Steve hisses as he jumps out of the car to walk around and Eddie does the same. He pops the hood and watches as a small cloud of smoke slithers out of it.

"Shit" Eddie swears under his breath. It looks bad.

"See baby, that's exactly why I told you to get it checked! Because I didn't wanna get stuck in fucking no man's land!"

"Look, I'm sure if we just leave it to rest a little..."

"Rest? Eds, come on, you know that's not how it works. We gotta walk up to the next gas stop and phone someone to tow it."

"Fuck, fine!" Eddie grunted. "But it gets dark in like twenty minutes."

They both know that they can't handle walking out in the wild after dark. Not after everything and not with all the nightmares that still tormented them most nights.

"Then I guess we're sleeping out here tonight." Steve says, dropping his hands on his hips. "You have pillows or some shit in the back?"

"Got a couple of blankets, yeah."

In the end they lay down two blankets on the bottom of the van and bundle up some old jumpers Eddie keeps in there for pillows. They lie there, facing each other in the dark.

"Hey... I'm sorry about all this" Eddie whispers, like his voice could disturb anyone out here in the middle of nowhere.

"It's okay, I just wish you'd pay more attention to stuff like this. I mean shit, babe, what if it's just you out here, huh? What then?"

"Steve-"

"I mean, I just hate to think about how shitty it would be, to be out here alone, in the dark... plus I'd worry myself sick not knowing where you are, you know?"

"Steve."

"Yeah?"

"I'm not alone."

"No, no you're not alone" Steve agrees with a private little smile.

They settle into a companionable silence and Eddie's almost certain that Steve is just about to drift off, but he can't contain it in himself any longer; he has to ask.

"Hey Steve?"

"Mmh?"

"Why uh... why are you keep calling me...?" He can't bring himself to say it out loud without his face heating up.

"What?"

"Names." He settles, hoping that Steve would get it.

"Names?"

He's gonna make him say it, isn't he?

"Yeah like uh... baby."

"Oh"

Even in the darkness of the van Eddie can see how the colour darkens in Steve's cheeks.

"Does it bother you?" Steve asks after a beat and Eddie just sighs out a soft "no".

"Okay."

For a long moment it seems that this is all Eddie's gonna get, but then Steve shuffles a little closer and runs a finger along Eddie's palm before taking his hand into his own.

"It just felt right, you know? Calling you that. I dunno, it was like how it was meant to be."

"That sounds kinda romantic, isn't it?" Eddie's shooting for a joke, but Steve just sighs timidly.

"Yeah, it does, doesn't it?"

"Steve-"

"Eddie... can I?" He doesn't finish it, but Eddie knows he'd say yes to pretty much anything Steve could ever ask from him.

"Yeah" He breathes with a little nod and Steve scoots even closer, placing his other hand onto Eddie's cheek. He leans in and looks him in the eyes for an impossibly long moment, making sure he's got permission one last time.

Steve whispers a soft "baby" onto his lips before finally closing the gap between them.

[aliceramblez]

Dating The BroZone Brothers 🎤🎶

Tags: Gender-neutral reader, Fluff, Some Angst (mostly for Branch lol), Also Broppy isn't canon here, obviously. But I love them dearly so don't come at me!

Follow me @taruchinator for more structured content and/or feel free to leave a request here in asks. Enjoy!

John Dory

We all know this man is a bit self-centered, and that doesn't stop at your relationship.

He'll find any opportunity to show off for you— anything from singing, to dancing, to just his ‘incredible leadership skills that make him the perfect boyfriend!’

He also definitely introduced himself as a member of the old boy band BroZone, which you may or may not have heard of, which may or may not have left him flabbergasted.

Despite all his faults though, John Dory will do his best to be a good partner for you. It's what you deserve, after all!

Keeping you safe from wild creatures, making sure you're always happy because he loves your smile, and also being the overprotective boyfriend who'll square off against anyone who even dares to make you uncomfortable even if they're 10x his size.

Small detail, but he also loves the fact that Rhonda took a liking to you instantly.

“She knows how to pick the good ones,” he'd say with a wink.

Talks about his brothers CONSTANTLY, but always in a way that makes it seem like he doesn't care and that it's their fault the band broke up in the first place. He obviously really cares about them, though.

Some nights, he'll reflect and regret all the stuff he said and did to them, and wishes he could go back and make it right. You reassure him through most of it, trying to convince him that he was young and just didn't know any better.

He stares at you in awe and disbelief because how could ANYONE think that what he did was justifiable? Abandoning his younger siblings all because of his stupid ego and personal insecurities.

“I really don't deserve you...”

Give him some time he's just emotionally constipated.

Also you BET he's gonna show you off to his brothers once they're reunited, so just let him. He just wants the most important people in his life to meet.

You can also expect them to try and embarrass John Dory with stories from their childhood, so be ready to have a good laugh as your boyfriend plots for murder in the background.

Spruce/Bruce

Probably the one who's best equipped to be in a relationship out of everyone in the group.

He is a family man, after all.

Speaking of which, if you think him settling down in the movie and having kids of his own was cute, it really is! But that just indicates that he has a way with children.

If you have a child or younger sibling, expect them to get dotted and taken care of to DEATH by this man.

He may not have been the sensitive one of the group, but was definitely the most reliable of the eldest, so he's got experience handling little trouble makers that come his way.

He still opens a cantina in Vacay Island, which is where you two met for the first time, and so you help run it occasionally whenever you have the chance. And even though you don't go there 24/7, all the regulars just think that you're the co-owner since you're dating Bruce.

You're the one who finds out that he's actually ‘Spruce’, the member of old boy band BroZone. You just happened to stumble upon an old record he kept in his room, and after confronting him about it, he reluctantly confirms your suspicions.

It was hard to recognize him since he was much older now and his body had definitely... grown over the years.

Bruce doesn't like preaching about those days, since he's quite embarrassed of the ‘immature ladies man’ he used to be back then.

But he won't deprive you of them either, since he'll happily share any stories on his misadventures with his brothers, funny backstage incidents, etc.

He misses them dearly and wishes they're all doing okay.

Two words: Hopeless. Romantic.

He's ‘The Heart Throb’ for a reason.

Roses, chocolates, dances— he can do it all!

Bruce will always make time in his busy schedule to spend time with you, taking you on dates to your favorite spots around the island, getting you meaningful gifts, and just overall expressing his love for you in any way he can.

He loves singing to you because it always serenades you and it puts a smile on his face.

People always joke that he's going to propose to you out of the blue one of these days, which always leaves him a flustered mess, but he never denies either.

“What can I say? I might be waiting for the perfect opportunity...”

Clay

Poor baby doesn't know what he's doing but he's trying, okay?

The two of you meet in the abandoned Bergen Golf Course, where you and Viva welcome him with open arms, and everything pretty much plays as in the movie, except that he really likes spending time with you and ONLY you, which he doesn't quite understand?

You're the one to ask him out cause otherwise you'd be playing this back and forth forever. He says yes.

He's never had a partner before, so he's justifiably worried that he'll mess up in some way, or that you'll end up finding him too boring after a while.

This becomes much more apparent after a particular bad night, in which after mumbling incoherently because of a nightmare, you find out that he has brothers and used to be in a boy band.

He doesn't open up about it at first, so you give him some space and reassure him that you'll be there when he needs you. Just give him some time and he'll tell you eventually.

He talks about how he could never be himself, since he was always expected to be ‘The Fun One’, and now he's basically tried to become the complete opposite in hopes of gaining some control over his life.

But he also worries that others will think he's too dull, and that he just isn't interesting enough to be around. Especially you.

You immediately take his face in your hands and look him in the eyes.

“I fell in love with Clay. Not ‘The Fun Troll from BroZone’ Clay. Also, you're fun in your own way!”

He basically falls for you all over again after hearing this.

After that, he becomes slightly less uptight and allows himself to enjoy the little things. You sometimes actually catch him dancing when he thinks no one's looking and you find it's the most adorable thing in the world, even after he realizes he's not alone and wants the earth to swallow him whole.

“Don't mind me, I'mma just crawl in a hole for a while...”

“No, no- Babe, it was amazing! I loved it! Pleaseeee show me more!”

Overall, he's a pretty good boyfriend all things considered.

He's incredibly overprotective of you, and will always give you advice and tools he thinks will be helpful if you're thinking of venturing outside of the Golf Course.

He asks Viva for dating advice CONSTANTLY and she DOES NOT let him live it down. Of course she has good ideas, though.

He'll pretty much do anything for you, even if it means going out of his comfort zone.

Floyd

Another great candidate for being in a good relationship.

Need I explain myself with this man?

His entire personality revolves around being caring and understanding, so he's definitely always on the lookout for anything that makes you sad or uncomfortable and will fix it ASAP.

Floyd is the kind of person who will ask for consent with pretty much anything you do— from holding your hand, to kissing you, to giving you a hug; he will ALWAYS make sure that you're okay with it even if you've given him the green light in the past.

He's not huge on PDA due to his somewhat shy nature, but if you are, he'll try his best to keep up with you.

This doesn't mean he dislikes physical affection, in fact it's his love language. He'll go out of his way to try and sneak in as many hugs as possible throughout the day and maybe a kiss or two if you'll allow it, which of course you do.

You also try your best to get involved in his own interests, because that's only fair after everything he does for you.

It isn't until one day that he sings for you that you compliment him and he nonchalantly comments that he used to be in a band when he was a teenager.

Cue the reveal of him having four brothers and you begging him to tell you all about them.

Which he does, but you can't help but notice the melancholic expression on his face, so you immediately stop him and apologize for being pushy on the matter and that he doesn't have to share anything he doesn't want to talk about.

He only looks at you with a small smile and shakes his head.

“No, I'm glad you asked. I haven't talked about them in years, so I like remembering the good times, even if they're in the past now.”

So he'll go on and on about them, one by one, and go into excruciating detail about what kind of person they are and what he loves about them. He's especially fond of his little brother Branch, based on everything he tells you.

When he gets kidnapped by Velvet and Veneer, you immediately go to Branch for help.

Once you're reunited, you two basically run to each other and hug with tears streaming down your eyes.

“Did they hurt you?!”

“No, I'm okay! Did they hurt you?!”

“Who cares?”

“I do!”

Floyd is then incredibly happy to introduce you to his brothers, who begin to affectionately tease him about getting himself a partner and you happily step in to protect him from any unwanted bullying.

You also tell him that you like the new hairdo, which only causes him to giggle and kiss your forehead affectionately.

Honestly you guys probably have the healthiest relationship out of the whole group.

Branch

I was really debating whether to include him or not since there's many Branch Reader Inserts out there, but I don't wanna leave my baby out so here we are!

You have a classic childhood friends to lovers situation with him, since you've known him ever since he was a member of BroZone, only being about a year older than him.

You'd help him practice for his concerts and would always give him pep talks whenever he felt worried that he'd ruin the show.

You're basically his number one fan— never missing a concert even if it meant dragging your parents with you so they'd let you get in.

The moment the group disbands and Branch is left all alone, you're there for him and wait alongside him for his brothers to return, reassuring him that ‘siblings would never break a promise’.

Cue his whole childhood trauma and him losing his colors, but it's only because of you that he doesn't completely isolate himself from society. He still builds his bunker though, since he's pretty much scarred for life thanks to the Bergens.

Just like with Clay, you're the one who takes initiative and asks him out, and he's just left gaping like a fish because why would you want someone like HIM?

After reuniting with John Dory, he's also dotting you about how big you've gotten and treats you like a baby, which actually irks Branch much more than it does to him.

He makes sure to remind his brothers that you both are grown adults, thank you very much.

Once the band gets back together, you kinda become a manager of some kind and help them in organizing their performances. Branch is eternally grateful and thanks you for staying by his side all these years.

[hotvintagepoll]

Danny Kaye (The Court Jester, The Inspector General)—Danny Kaye, idol of my childhood, maker of the weirdest faces! This man SETS HIMSELF ON FIRE and then puts himself out in a bucket in a movie based on a Gogol short story. In the same movie (Inspector General), he flirts by playing a carrot as a musical instrument. In Wonder Man, he's brilliant but struggles with things like riding buses. I have been envious of his fake Italian/French/German/Spanish monologues in The Court Jester for the past three decades. As Walter Mitty, he is SUPREMELY SILLY yet also somehow manages to be a comic foil for none other than Boris Karloff. All this is to say nothing of The William Tell Song (TV, thus not linked, but great.) I adore him.

Burgess Meredith (Of Mice and Men, That Uncertain Feeling, Second Chorus)—I first saw him in Idiot's Delight. He was standing next to Clark Gable on a balcony. I didn't even notice Gable was there, Meredith's scrungle game was too strong. -5'5 1/2 (1.66m) -He is THE weirdest little freak in That Uncertain Feeling, Merle Oberon picks him up in a psychiatrist's lobby. He's a concert pianist but he hates that people pay to hear him play, he can't stand them watching him. Vases offend him. He sees himself in an abstract painting. He's an absolutely chaotic gremlin and I love him SO much -He plays PENGUIN in the old Batman series!! What's scrunglier than that?! -"Was fascinated by the subject of non-human intelligence, particularly dolphins. He once believed that a dolphin somehow called to him for help in the middle of the night while he was staying at a friend's home on the beach. He ran out and found the dolphin, caught in a net under a dock down the beach, although there was no way he should have been able to know it was there. He released it, saving its life. He believed it had made some sort of connection with him, perhaps telepathic, to call for help." [IMDb] -He will forever be my favourite portrayal of George from Of Mice and Men, his speech about "seeds" and dreaming about a farm of his own wrecked me -In Tom, Dick and Harry, he's one of three suitors courting Ginger Rogers. It's zany and ridiculous, an absolute rollercoaster. He teachers to bowl with his sleeves rolled up. He drives a 3-wheeled motorcycle -He's in a MUSICAL with FRED ASTAIRE they're romantic rivals for PAULETTE GODDARD. He also wears a bucket hat. (Second Chorus) -His hair is VERY floofy in his early roles, I think that should be taken into consideration 4:54: [link to whole movie, editor has not watched it + can't vet but confirmed his hair is fluffy for the minute she did watch]

This is round 1 of the contest. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. If you're confused on what a scrungle is, or any of the rules of the contest, click here. Reminder that this is a movie poll, not a TV poll, in case any of you were flocking to any bird-brained ideas.

[additional submitted propaganda + scrungly videos under the cut]

Danny Kaye:

He's so stupid. I love him.

Burgess Meredith:

Look at his face! He looks like a little field mouse, and a field mouse is scrungly. Admittedly I know him more from the Twilight Zone, in which he reached levels of peak scrungle, but I believe he deserves a place on this list.

[skele-bunny]

Thinking About Polyghouls Basic Dynamics...

(and some)

There's a bit of a hierarchy as there is with any packs wether topside or pit! There's the pack leader, then second and third command. That would be Dewdrop, than Aether, and then Mountain. They're looked at the most for guidance, like learning the human tongue, what to do, or even sexual/romantic guidance.

Most packs will become poly and this one wasn't spared :3 Dew, Aeth, and Mount already had an ongoing relationship. First one to join that was Rain, then Swiss, then the girls, and then Copia! Sunny, Rory, and Phantom then followed.

OHHHHHH my god they're all so stupid over each other tho. There's affection almost every minute, nicknames or pet names left and right. The pack hierarchy doesn't play into the relationship at all, but it is a bit obvious that Dew plays into it a bit more. He's more likely to initiate affection than vice versa. Just leaning over the couch to kiss Sunny's cheek or butt his horns against Cumulus', pulling Swiss down next to him on the couch for cuddles.

There's very casual and comfortable nudity in the den, plus it's just more in their nature to be bare than wear clothes. Does lead to some fawning and touches, plus exhibition and voyeurism.

Date!!! Nights!!!!!!

Can be movies, to activities like arts n crafts or cooking, or just simple days out. Usually always ends with a ghoul pile and a lot more affection. Sometimes there's more specific dates within the pack but their all inclusive date tends to cater to everyone.

When Copia comes over, they'll usually peer pressure (jokingly) him into joining their casual nudity and date night. He's sooo stressed all the time! He needs to relax! A lot of attention is on him, and is put in the middle of ghoul piles. He really does love his ghouls and does his best to learn their separate cultures and give them gifts in relation to it; otherwise just from his silly old man heart.

Now, there's also some agreements among the pack for comfort as well :3

CW - Nursing/Lactation, Breeding Mention, Egg/Oviposition

Rain and Dew both need assistance with their milk and egg laying. It honestly surprised Dew that he still had some of his water features but hey! The body is a surprising thing. Rain needs it a lot more as Dew is (literally) dried out and a lot more rare. Water ghouls constantly produce milk even outside of a heat, so they need relief and there's a LOT of willing volunteers in the pack to latch on to them.

Rain can produce his own eggs and also lay eggs with his tentacle. If he's laying, he'll need a partner to lay them inside, and feels soo much better after. If he's expelling, just needs someone to hold his hand and monitor him while he's snuggled in his bathtub. Not uncommon to see one of the ghouls with some egg bumps near Rain's cycle time

Dew produces his own, and he used to have a very high clutch count, but now it's heavily decreased. It's the same as Rain, but he does experience some pain with expelling so that's why Aether is usually the one to assist him.

Speaking of Aether! Breeding bull Aether my beloved. Very high sex drive, and he's either jerking himself off or buried deep in one of his mates. When he and Sunny retired, poor girl was his walking fleshlight bc everyone else was gone LMAO. He has a very heavy knot, and is locked to his partner for a good bit. Caused a few pregnancy scares before, but he just breeds sooo deeply. It's very uncomfortable for him to go a long time without it, so someone usually volunteers. (Cough cough dewphantomrory cough cough)

Cumulus needs accommodations for intercourse as she has bad knees and asthma. Can involve a sex swing, stool, or sometimes she needs water to be more comfortable. There's always an inhaler nearby, too! So if Cumulus ever needs something specific, everyone's more than happy to do whatever it is or get something to help.

Copia is a minute man. That man can only cum three times and he's done for. That leads to him being a VERY big vouyer watching the ghouls go at each other. At first it startled him from how rough it could be and sometimes bloody, but learned it's just their normalcy. They're all very gentle with him, taking time to prep, make sure he's satisfied, and comfortable. He gets a lotta aftercare too they love him sm :3

[sameschmidtdiffname]

MIKE SMUT SMTH ABT HIS THIGHS AND HE S ALSO SUBBY PLSSSSS

DAAAAAAAAAARLIIIIIIIIIIING!

GUESS WHO JUST BROKE THEIR TWO WEEK BREEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAK!

Pretty

Mike Schmidt x Gender Neutral! Reader

Summery: Men are so pretty. And they can be so stupid. And who doesn't like stupid, pretty toys?

Tags: No specified sex for Reader, Reader is referred to with a male title at one point for sexual purposes (which one I won't say, but it's not daddy! I will say that), otherwise no gendered pronouns used for Reader, sub! Mike, dom! Reader, dynamic switch, accidental kink reveal, thigh admiration (this was not as focused on thighs as I intended, honestly. I'm sorry lmao), Mike gets used like a BITCH, and I mean a BITCH. Bro gets DOGGED, bro gets USED, bro may be PREGNANT after this (he ain't, no mpreg, I'm just being funny), humping, biting, french kissing, marking, choking, just have fun with this. It's a treat for all!

Notes: I'M STILL ON A BREAK! BUT, you guys have been so sweet and so nice. So, a drabble, because I love you all and you deserve it <3

                     ▪︎◇{¤♧■♧¤}◇▪︎

I've always admired hands.

Strong hands, working hands. One of the first things I look for in men is if their hands look like they're capable of long lasting, almost back breaking labor.

The second thing I look for is shoulders. Preferably broad, capable of holding the third thing I look for. Which would be

Thighs.

I don't even have a particular taste for what those look like. The desire doesn't lie within the looks, although I could certainly spend a fair amount of my time stealing glances towards a fine, large pair. Straining against the material of their pants, spread out over a chair, doubling in size once someone sits. No, the desire lies in how sensitive they seem to be. Just a ghostly touch of your hands or lips upon the soft skin can usually send someone reeling. Can make someone sing such a soft, quiet note so raw and genuine before you've even drawn near to the area they want you the most.

I should've touched him sooner like this.

Mike Schmidt doesn't pretend to be a macho man. He's not insecure of his masculinity, he raises his little sister, goes to work, comes to bed. He doesn't have time to worry about being a man's man.

I can attest, however. Once in the bedroom, he has absolutely no issue with expressing his masculinity.

In any way, shape or form.

"Touch me," he moans breathily, bucking his fully clothed hips towards me in a desperate, needing manner.

I never said masculinity involves domination.

It'd just started with us cuddling on the couch. Abby out at a friend's, us snuggled under a warm blanket at home on the couch. The comforter to his bed, to be specific. Everything else was too small or too cold for us, so we just dragged it out. The old TV in front of us displaying a rerun of a movie we were only halfway paying attention to, both of us beginning to drift in and out of sleep. Mike had wrapped me under his arm, placing a soft kiss on my forehead every now and then when he decided it'd been too long since he last had. I was pressed against his side, one hand on his thigh, absentmindedly rubbing circles.

Here's the fun thing about guys. Half the time they are so touch starved, it takes nothing to get them going. And that's fun.

I didn't realize why Mike was beginning to shift in his seat some. Why his heartbeat against my ear had picked up, why his breathing was getting somewhat shaky. Tell tale signs of something, but honestly I figured it was the movie. It wasn't until he pressed a lingering kiss to my forehead, then trailed down to my cheek, my jaw, and began nipping at my neck that it began to dawn on me.

"What's got you in a mood?" I chuckled, my fingers digging I just a little more to his warm, covered flesh.

"Nothing," he said breathily in my ear, his tongue beginning to trace my jawline. "Just thought you looked pretty."

I call his bluff when I dig into a tense muscle, a loud, pathetic moan escaping him that he tries to quickly stiffle in my neck. Moaning and biting at me, his hand beginning to search my chest to graze his fingers against my sensitive nipples, easy to play with under the smooth material of Mike's stolen, cotton shirt.

"Ah," I say, continuing to rub as he pants eagerly against me. "I see."

Mike's trying to maneuver us so that he can position himself on top of me, and regularly I would agree, but I'm not quite done with my new toy just yet.

"Let me up," I say into his ear, trying to pull away. Mike simply moans into my skin, biting harder as his fingers finally wrap around my already stiff nipple, tugging at it, making me moan in harmony to him. "Mike," I say, trying to ground us both.

Mike doesn't care, his other hand searching for my thighs, knowing how much I like for mine to be played with before he spends hours between my legs, gasping, choking, and grinning ear to ear with pride after swallowing whatever amount of cum I'd given him. His teeth sink into my neck again, this time not just playful. Digging in and making me cry out in slight pain, yet pleasure coursing through me as my eyes roll back into my head.

"So pretty," Mike moans against me, his voice soft and high. His lashes flutter butterfly kisses against my forming bruises while his lips trail to my collarbone, his stiff cock brushing against my hand as he shifts.

This is what settles the idea in my mind.

My hand snaps up, pulling harshly at Mike's dark, almost black curls, tugging until his head had snapped all the way backwards, exposing the tan skin of his throat to me. Eagerly, I lick a long, wide stripe up his throat, from bottom to top until I can clearly feel the prickly stubble of his facial hair on my tongue. His adams apple bobs under the wet muscle as he moans openly, a moan that only increases in volume and pitch once I bite roughly into the side of his neck, not allowing him a chance to escape as I keep my tight grip on his curls.

"Fu-ck," he drawls, his voice breaking as he begins to allow me to guide him to my desires, laying him on his back against the worn down couch, his hips subconsciously rolling towards me in anxiety for my touch.

"So pretty," I breathe in his ear, a soft whimper escaping him as his blush deepens, accenting the subtle freckles that decorate his skin like the stars decorate the night sky. I've tried to kiss each one, knowing the task was futile, but was well rewarded by the puddle of mush he'd dissolved into as my lips had trailed against his tan skin. Mike tries to turn his face away from me to hide the blush, unsure of how else to handle the compliment.

God, I love men. They're idiots.

I grab his jaw, forcing his mouth open and adoring the pathetic whine that escapes him as I shove my tongue into his mouth, his eyes half open, watching me as he gives in to the kiss, his hands tugging at my shirt as he humps against nothing, pent up and stupid underneath of me.

They're so cute, right?

When I pull away, a long string of spit still connects us, his eyes obediently trained on me as I pin him down against the couch by his throat, anticipating my next move. I move myself to tower over him, his mouth still open as he pants, and I spit into his mouth. His eyes widen in surprise, but he doesn't complain. Hell, by the glint in his eyes, you'd think he'd thank me. Though he doesn't.

It's fine. He will soon enough.

I lower myself along his body, my hands once more finding his thick thighs and squeezing them, admiring the firmness underneath of his shorts.

"Have I told you I love your thighs?" I ask, my breath fanning against his covered erection. Mike simply moans.

"I do. Watch them all the time. Don't even realize I'm doing it, honestly," I say. I lean down, placing a feather light kiss on his hip. He whines. "They're so pretty. Just like the rest of you."

His hips buck towards me, his cock obviously twitching underneath the material.

"Touch me," he moans, his face pink and halfway covered with his hand. I reach up and grab his hand away, smacking swiftly at his thigh.

"Be good," I snap, earning me a sharp gasp as he writhes underneath of me, mumbling some sort of agreement.

"Good," I praise softly. "Good. See, that wasn't so hard."

My lips start at his knee, kissing there and beginning to work their way up as he clasps his hands above his head, teeth gritted in an attempt to stay quiet.

"You can moan," I tell him, my other hand slipping underneath the pant legs of his shorts. "I like the pretty sounds you make."

Pretty. I didn't know that was his trick word. The word that could force him into a pathetic, begging mess that can't even keep eye contact. Oh, he's beautiful. Bite marks blooming against his skin, such a deep blush, tossled curls. His soft abdomen shutters with each unsteady breath, slightly exposed, his happy trail dark against his skin and leading to the place that shows how he wants me. His tongue darting out to lick his lips so often they'll be chapped by the end of the night from overstimulation. That's his tell that he's close.

"What, pretty boy gonna cum in his pants?" I ask, my hand trailing along his hot skin and digging my nails in to make him sing. His back arches slightly, eyes trained on the ceiling as his mouth opens in an almost silent gasp.

"No," he clearly lies, his hips subtly moving of their own accord.

"You look like such a pretty mess!" I chuckle against his skin, pressing a soft kiss on his lower thigh. "I wouldn't blame you if you did."

He doesn't respond to this, clearly lost in his thoughts.

"Michael," I say, voice slightly firm. "Look at me when I'm speaking to you."

Mike rolls his eyes, huffing and not obeying. Aw. Cute.

My hands grip underneath of his knees, quickly shoving them to meet his shoulders, eyes wide as he gasps at the maneuver he's done to me so many times I can't even count. Shoved into a mating press, I grind my hips against him, pounding against him quickly and harshly, relishing the broken sounds he makes as I hump him hard enough his head is bouncing against the arm of the couch, his eyes fluttering shut as they roll into the back of his head.

"It's a simple request," I hiss against his skin, rewarded with a loud moan. "I didn't ask for your fuckin' attitude."

The glint in his eyes when they open unintentionally shows he's fine with this response, happy to take more and more until he really does cum with hardly any stimulation to his cock. His mouth is open, tongue peaking out from behind his bottom teeth, his breathing on the cusp of hyperventilating as he submits to my touch.

"Is it so hard?" I ask, keeping even time with my abusive pace. "To just listen to me?"

"No, sir," Mike moans happily.

Oh?

"What was that?" I ask, leaning closer as I shove his knees harder against his shoulders. His eyes snap open, dead ahead on the ceiling as his mind clearly tries to process what to say next.

"Nothing," he says quickly.

"Bullshit," I snap, adjusting my grip so one arm pins his knees so that my hand can snake down between us and smack at his ass in scolding. "Repeat yourself."

"I don't know what I said," he says quickly, avoiding eye contact.

I smack again, this time hard enough he cries out.

"Say it," I seethe, increasing my tempo and pounding harder against him until he looks like he may cry, his eyes squeezed shut and mouth open as he pants like a whore underneath of me.

"Sir," he finally admits, shame burning bright in his cheeks. "I called you sir."

I toss his legs onto my shoulders, my hand now finding his throat as I hump him into the bed, rewarding his honestly.

"I see," I drawl, not relenting my pace nor strength. "Someone's into getting used."

This seems to roll him over the edge, his face bright and relaxing as his eyes flutter shut, only for me to bite at his bottom lip, causing them to open again.

"Watch me," I command, biting harshly into his lip. "I wanna see how pretty you look when you cum like a good toy."

His eyes widen slightly, his mouth slack as he obeys. The moment I release his lip his tongue darts out to wet it, lingering over the soft bite marks.

"It's alright, you can do it," I say softly, choking him slightly harder. "Let me watch, then I'll let you fuck me however you want."

His eyes are pleading, begging for more.

"You want something? Use your words," I tell him, slamming particularly hard this time, hard enough his head slams into the couch concerningly. But he doesn't mind, does he?

"Kiss me," he breathes, so light, the request sounds innocent and sweet compared to the way I'm abusing him on his own couch. I comply, pressing my lips against his in a soft, sweet kiss that he whines into, his lips parting and tongue slipping against my lips in a sloppy, pleading, silent request. And how can I say no?

I part my lips for him, enjoying the way he arches into the kiss, moaning as our tongues slide together in a messy, graceless fight for control. My lips trap the tip of his tongue, sucking on it and tugging it upwards harshly as he cries out, his hips beating against mine as his lashes flutter shut once more, but this time I don't scold him. I simply grind against him as hard and as fast as my tiring body will allow, guiding him through his overwhelming orgasm, the sounds of his crystal clear moans cutting through the air, perfectly complimenting his red face, glistening eyes and shaking body.

"That's it," I coo in his ear. "That's a good toy. Just let me fuck you."

He's stupid and lost to the world, his cock twitching pathetically as thick ropes of cum decorate the inside of his shorts, making the material stick to his skin, overstimulating him as I begin to lessen my pace, beginning to give him grace he no longer has words to ask for.

"So pretty," I whisper as I try to kiss each tiny freckle on his beet red nose, his breath hot against my throat as he tries to regain his focus. "So pretty, and mine."

"Where the fuck did that come from?" Mike slurs stupidly underneath of me, his legs still trembling on my shoulders.

I giggle, smiling as I lean down to place another kiss, sweet this time, against Mike's swollen, glossy lips.

"I dunno," I say, shrugging. Mike whimpers as I pull away.

"Guess I just thought you were pretty."

                             ¤▪︎{♧}▪︎¤

I'm 100% gonna be late for work because of this, but worth it

Taglist:

@cassiecasluciluce @gh0u1ishly @joshhutchersons-slut @schmidtsbimbo @sugarevans @wompwompwomp57 @jhutchissupercool . Thank you for your support pookies!!! <3

               •▪︎Masterlist▪︎•

[cellarspider]

The Prometheus rant, Part 0/30

⛬ | (Index) | (Next)

I have promised a dissection of the movie Prometheus. It begins.

So, to summarize, and give you a taste of what we're in for. 

I am a geneticist with a background in history, including some undergraduate archaeological field work. I'm deeply interested in linguistics as a hobby. Prometheus manages to be stupid in every one of these fields.

But I absolutely love H.R. Giger aesthetic, the cinematography is beautiful, and whoever did the editing was absolutely solid because the movie consistently cuts slow scenes at moments when the cuts feel just slightly jarring. It’s a very subtle way to maintain tension.

The soundtrack holds the intended tone well, the practical effects are numerous and impressive, and even though their story completely undermines it, they got an actual academic linguist to work with them on the language stuff: the guy actually has a speaking role in the film, as a virtual tutor of a reconstructed language he taught to one of the actors.

And on top of all that, there's at least one scene in the movie which is just unbelievably tense and well-executed body horror. It’s the scene everybody mentions as a highlight when they talk about the movie. So, it's a successful movie in so many ways.

But.

The writing does not back this up. There are stretches that are fine, even elevated by some of the performances. But you can feel the movie shift any time a scene has plot relevance, or a character is supposed to do their job. 

Unlike Alien, where the main cast making dumb decisions is believable because they're a bunch of space cargo haulers and maintenance people who are not supposed to have any relevant expertise for the situation they find themselves in, Prometheus' characters are supposed to be scientists, doctors, and the best a trillionaire could buy for a mission that he expected would

make first contact between technologically modern humans and a race of aliens that had visited Earth thousands of years ago

convince said aliens to give him the secret to eternal youth, because he's an old rich asshole

so when things start going wrong, I felt less like "oh no these poor bastards don't know what the fuck they're getting into" and more like "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR CONTAMINATING AN ALIEN ARCHAEOLOGICAL SITE YOU BASTARDS"

this approximately culminates in a scene where the last surviving alien on the planet is woken from two thousand years of emergency stasis, gets talked at in something very much like Proto-Indo-European by Michael Fassbender at the behest of the old rich asshole, while a woman screams in English in the background. The alien proceeds to rip Fassbender's head off and beats the old man to death with it, which is just the funniest goddamn thing

That’s the TL;DR. Yes, really.

The actual rant will start next time.  Well. Part One of the rant. This is going to be a multi-parter, because I want anyone who follows me on this journey to understand how the movie builds up into such a mess, and get some actual science out of this.

⛬ | (Index) | (Next)

[stardust-swan]

I'm convinced that the idea that "love is blind" is a pysop meant to brainwash women into settling for less. I always see beautiful women who clearly take care of themselves, dress well, get their lashes done, work out etc with boyfriends who look like they just rolled out of bed and put yesterday's clothes on. And I very rarely see this happening the other way around.

Men shill the idea that it's shallow for women to want someone who looks halfway decent but never hold themselves to this standard. They're so cruel to women they find unfuckable and treat women who they are attracted to but don't fit the societal beauty standard as dirty secrets (how many times have fat women talked about how men are happy to have sex with them but won't claim them in public because they think being seen with a fat woman is embarrassing?) The dadbod thing has been big for a couple of years while there has been no equivalent for mombods that gained traction (you know, the ones whose bodies actually went through physical changes due to pregnancy instead of just gaining weight from stealing their kid's snacks and watching the football instead of playing it).

It's so bad that even women shill this idea to other women. You have to ignore the fact that he never trims his beard and his daily outfit is a lint encrusted hoodie and sweatpants with a hole because if you don't you're shallow and not considering who he is on the inside too. We're told that being haggard shouldn't count as long as they have a good personality, and while I agree personality is important, a huge amount of men don't have good personalities. A lot of men are boring at best and a lot of them are just straight up assholes. Most of them aren't raking it in cash either to make up for their lack of looks and character. It's sad to see so many women doing the most for men who aren't particularly pleasant to be around, don't have money, and aren't physically appealing.

Men also shill this to eachother. I remember when I was a teenager there were huge hate trains almost entirely compromised of grown men against any pretty boy singer who got popular (Justin Bieber had it especially bad). They never did anything wrong (Justin Bieber's hate train was at its worst years before he started acting like a douche), men just hated them because they looked nice and girls liked them. They also act like any guy in real life who's comfortable with being attractive instead of purposefully making themselves unattractive to fit in with the other ugly men is gay and act bitterly when the men who actually make an effort get more female attention than a man who last showered three days ago. They act like women are catty bitches who hate prettier women when their egos are so fragile around men who look decent. There was even a recent study that suggested good looking men are at a disadvantage when applying for certain jobs, because their male colleagues feel threatened by them.

It wasn't always like this either. Not all that long ago it was expected that a man dress up nicely, wear cologne, style his hair etc when he was trying to court a woman.

When my mother was my age, she could just walk into a cinema and at any given time there would be films with leading men who looked like Leo, Depp, Brad Pitt, James Spader, River Phoenix, Will Smith, Denzel Washington, Brendan Fraser, etc. And now those World's Sexiest Men lists are filled with average or below average men and we're told that we're meant to cream our panties over guys who look indistinguishable or even worse than your average guy on the street. Right after this era my mum was young in was when the media started pushing this idea that we have to settle for unattractive men or else we're immature and shallow. There were a ton of movies with men like Adam Sandler pulling gorgeous 20 year old women just because they were funny. That stupid genre of movie where an awkward nerd pines over the cheerleader who is pining over a jock who's always portrayed as a bully that the cheerleader is framed as misguided or a bitch for wanting a handsome boyfriend instead of picking the nerd (even though the dork main character we're meant to root for also only likes the cheerleader for her looks and is just as much of an asshole as the jock) in became really popular around the same time.

Unsure of whether this is because of men complaining about beauty standards or other feminist concepts they only half understand (while female beauty standards never budge and have always and remain a much higher bar to reach than male beauty standards), or if men are just forcing this idea that looking like shit is cancelled out by telling a few dad jokes so that women will feel pressured into dating them no matter how busted they look just to not be alone.

[sleepybabybees]

Time for more shenanigans because I enjoy doing these-

Honestly- expect everyone at this point-

---

Price: Are you a painting?

Nik: What-?

Price: Because I want to pin you to a wall.

Graves: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG HIM OR SOMETHING-

---

Price: Two years ago, I married my best friend.

Price: Graves is still mad about it, but me and Nik were drunk and thought it was funny.

---

Price: Are you ready to commit?

Nik: Like, a crime or a relationship?

---

Price: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal, that's where the blood's supposed to be!

Laswell: ...I'm gonna kill him-

Nik: katie- no-

---

Laswell: Caw caw, motherfuckers.

---

Laswell: Where the devil is Graves?

Nik: Well, it is raining outside... Maybe he melted?

Price: Shall I look outside for a pointy hat?

Laswell holding back a laugh: I hate that I found that funny- fuck you-

---

Price: Are you good?

Laswell: In what sense?

Price: Generally.

Laswell: Oh, definitely not.

---

Price: Fine! Judge all you want but...

Price, points at Nik: Married a lesbian.

Price, points at Graves: Left a man at the altar.

Price, points at Ghost: Fell in love with a Scottish soldier

Price, points at Laswell: Threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire.

Price, points at Soap: Lives in a box!

---

Graves: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Nik: >:O language

Laswell: Yeah watch your fucking language

Ghost: Okay, who taught Laswell the fuck word?!

Price: 'The fuck word'.

Soap: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Laswell: Oh my god they censored it

Price: Say fuck, Soap.

Laswell: Do it, Soap. Say fuck.

---

Ghost: If I fall…

Price: I’ll be there to catch you.

Nik: *looks at Graves* What if I fall?

Graves: Then I’ll fall with you, never leaving your side.

Soap: *watches these two interactions*

Soap, to Laswell: And if I fall?

Laswell: I’ll be the one who pushed you.

---

Nik: So, did everyone learn their lesson?

Laswell: No.

Gaz: I did not.

Ghost: I may have actually forgotten one.

Soap: Also no.

Nik: Oh good, neither did I.

Price: *Exhausted sigh*

---

Alex: I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call?

Alejandro: No. No, Alex, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Alex calls Farah. Number five: Rudy gets eaten by a shark.

Rudy: I’m Rudy, and I approve the order of that list.

---

Rudy: Farah, I have a couple of words to say to you.

Alex: Please let those two words be “I’m sorry.”

Alejandro: I’m ready with the bleep button if not.

---

Rudy: Those darn tall old people.

Farah: Darn em' indeed.

Alex: Don't worry, they'll be gone soon enough.

Alejandro: *sharpening knife* Yes. Dead.

The Squad:

Alejandro: Hahaha.

Alejandro: ...Is this self-destructive behaviour?

---

Alejandro: That's ridiculous, Rudy doesn't have a crush on me.

Farah: Yes, he does.

Alex: Yes, he does.

Valeria: Yes, he does.

Rudy: Yes, I do.

---

Alex: Why do you act like we’re three year olds?

Rudy, exasperated: WHY?!?

Rudy points at Alejandro: YOU TRIED TO HYJACK A CAR!

Rudy points at Farah: YOU NEARLY JUMPED 20 FEET OFF A CARPARK!

Rudy points at Alex: AND YOU ATE MULTIPLE DRIED LEAVES AND ROCKS OFF THE GROUND!

Rudy: AND YOU ASK ME WHY????

---

Rudy: Hey Farah, wanna third wheel on my date with Alejandro tomorrow?

Farah: Sure.

Rudy: Alex! Wanna third wheel on my date with Alejandro tomorrow?

Rudy: Great! I've always wanted to go on a double date!

Farah &amp; Alex: ...

Alejandro: Rudy...

---

Alejandro: I love you.

Rudy: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.

*Alejandro and Rudy kiss passionately*

Alex, to Farah: You owe me 20 dollars.

---

Alex: *tapping fingers on table*

Rudy: *taps fingers back furiously*

Farah: …What’s going on?

Alejandro: Morse code. They’re talking.

Alex: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … -

Rudy: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

---

Alejandro: Why are your tongues purple?

Alex: We had slushies. I had a blue one.

Farah: I had a red one.

Alejandro: oh.

Alejandro:

Alejandro: OH.

Rudy:

Rudy: You drank eachothers slushies?

---

Soap: Why is Gaz crying on the floor?

Ghost: he's drunk.

Soap: And?

Ghost: he saw a picture of Roach's husband.

Soap: But he's Roach's husband?

Ghost: I know.

---

Ghost, referring to Roach and Gaz: Those guys are dorks.

Soap: Yes, but they’re our dorks.

---

Soap: Who would you swipe right for? Gaz or Ghost?

Roach : I would delete the app.

---

Soap: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Gaz: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.

Ghost: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.

Roach : My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.

---

Roach : How is the most beautiful person in the world?

Gaz: *blushing* I—

Ghost, butting into the conversation: Soap is perfect, thanks for asking.

---

Eskell: You really believe in Shepard?

Oryn: Mmm… Luckily, he believes in himself enough for the both of us.

---

Shephard: Is this your plan B?

Eskell: Technically, this is plan P.

Shephard: Plan P? Is there a plan M?

Eskell: Yes, but I marry Oryn in plan M.

Oryn: I like plan M.

---

Shephard: *Reading a letter*

Oryn: Well, what does it say?

Shephard: It’s a confession letter. It turns out Eskell killed my pet rock.

---

Oryn, about Eskell: Can I tell them they look nice?

Shephard: Sure.

Oryn: Can I tell them I respect them?

Shephard: Maybe, if they ask.

Oryn: Should I show them an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our three cats and four dogs?

Shephard: …

Shephard: I’d save that for later.

---

Eskell: *pitches an idea*

Shephard, impressed: Huh, there might be something here!

Oryn, under their breath and dialling laswell: Yeah, a lawsuit.

---

Horangi : That sounds super! Doesn’t that sound super, Konig?

Konig: No.

Horangi : I think I speak for Konig when I say it sounds really super.

---

Konig: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?

Horangi : Peonies, why?

Konig:

Horangi : Were you going to get me flowers?

Konig:

Horangi :

Konig: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

---

Horangi : I want a bf.

Konig: Do you mean best friend, boyfriend or bread feast? Because you’re being really vague here.

---

Konig: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Horangi : Okay.

Konig: And make out during the scary parts.

Horangi : Th-

Horangi : The scary parts.

Horangi : Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

---

Horangi , taping a knife onto a Roomba: Be free, my child.

Konig, entering the room with a small cut on their ankle: Who the f-

[gabessquishytum]

I've spent almost all day at work thinking about my Haunted Mansion AU. I might actually end up writing this. So, some more of my ideas:

Just like in the film, Hob dies during a Masquerade Ball. He and Roderick meet to discuss 'business' and end up going to Morpheus' study, where they're supposed to wait for him. Hob doesn't trust Roderick but believes that he is safe because surely Roderick won't do anything stupid in the middle of a huge party. While waiting, Hob grabs wine for them, but Roderick poisons Hob's drink. Morpheus arrives, realizes what Roderick has just done, and loses it. Roderick assumed he'd be okay (ironically for the same reason Hob thought everything would be fine), but he doesn’t realize Morpheus is a very old and powerful vampire. Morpheus kills Roderick and then cries over Hob's body, eventually ending the Masquerade Ball by carrying his body through the party.

Like Mr. Gracey in the movie, he plans to kill himself to join his beloved in the afterlife but his eldest brother, Destiny, who can see the future, comes to him. Destiny tells Morpheus that Hob will be reborn in time (as Hob has always been one to reject death, which is part of the reason he and Morpheus worked so well together) and if Morpheus kills himself, he'll not actually be joining Hob in the afterlife. He won't tell Morpheus how long, but he tells Morpheus to wait. So Morpheus does.

I had the thought that instead of Ramsley, Lucienne is the butler, but she's also the librarian of the Manor because she spent so much time there that Morpheus just kind of gave it to her. She's also an Elf.

Jessamy and Matthew take the places of the Maid and Not-Butler (The "Inconceivable!" Guy) and they are siblings who are Fae. They both have the ability to shapeshift into Ravens.

I haven't decided if Corinthian is in this yet. Probably not because I can't figure out where to put him.

I also had the thought that Robert, the real estate agent that is Hob reincarnated, would spend a week at the Manor, and every night he would dream a little more about his life as Hob. How he and Morpheus met, fell in love, and it all culminates in Hob's murder.

Morpheus spends the entire time trying to Be Normal™ about this man who is absolutely his beloved returned to him, just as his elder brother promised. He's so busy trying to Be Normal™ (which, for the record, he's horrendous at lol) that he misses the very obvious hints Rob has been dropping about his memories slowly coming back. At least until Rob has his final dream, where he actually TALKS to Hob, the part of his soul that IS Hob. They have a conversation and realize they aren't all that different, and Rob admits he wouldn't mind if they... became one for lack of a better term. So they sort of merged into one being. He's still Rob, but he's also Hob now.

Hob/Rob talk to Morpheus, explain the situation, and they live happily ever after once Morpheus turns him.

- 🐺

I really really hope that you decide to write this, I love this outline so much. I love the inclusion of Matthew and Jessamy, I love how much the setting of the haunted mansion suits Dream’s vibes so incredibly well.

I love how well Hob can fit into this au as well, because it's almost like you can have 1389 Hob and 2023 Hob talking to eachother (only in this au its Hob and Rob ofc). I just think that could be really poignant and lovely. Like I said I really hope you write this up as a full fic, but even if you don't these ideas are really wonderful already <3

[seriallover]

Sorry this is totally random but after I read your post about "how we approach and like to be approached in love" and "sexual behavior and the things you're into", I finally understood why it's been difficult for me to find a book that I truly like and enjoy and the reason why the last book that I did like and enjoy was The Mindf*ck Series and I read it last year.

I'm trying to learn vedic astrology but I still know little about it, I'm jyestha rising, Shravana moon, Capricorn uttara ashada mars, Swati Sun, Rohini Saturn, Gemini punarvasu Jupiter (my atmakaraka), hasta mercury/Venus, Mula ketu and mrigashira Rahu (sorry for mentioning all placements I'm just not sure exactly what exactly makes me like these things). Deep down I'm romantic I'm not gonna lie, I love romcoms, clichés, I'm still big fan of Disney princess movies and old Barbie movies . But there's something about women being powerful, strong, mean, agressive and overpowering men...I just love it. I love seeing/reading women fighting and humiliating men and covered by blood (it feels amazing to confess this). And I just remembered this now, but when I was in school I loved playing sports and I was a kind of girl that loved to use my strength in an agressive way, my favorite sport was dodgeball btw and I didn't mind playing with the boys and hated when they went easier on me bc "I'm just a girl".

Nowadays In most books the women are all innocent, submissive (especially when +18 things happen)and the worst they can be is being sassy. And even when the women are mean the men are worse (this irritates me). I've tried to find a book like the Mindf*ck Series but all the suggestions are bad, apparently people cannot understand the most basic thing about the book that is Lana is a serial killer (she is the "bad girl") seeking justice with her own hands (she isn't killing for fun) but she falls in love with FBI agent Logan (he's the "good boy" who could put her in jail). She's been through a lot, she lost her soul to seek her revenge and deep down she knows she isn't a good person and doesn't deserve someone like Logan (that's what she thinks and I don't agree), yet Logan see through her darkness and loves and wants to protect her. This book reminds me a bit of Beauty and the Best (my fav Disney movie along with The little mermaid).But people just focus on the few and basic sex scenes and on the word "serial killer" and give books recommendations that are totally opposite to the Mindf*ck series. All the recommendations are the men being the serial killers killing for fun and being proud of it, stalking the women, even being mean to the women that they're supposed to love and the women having a personality as deep as kid swimming pool and ofc being submissive.

And now talking about your post about how we like to be approached, I don't like going out but I know people rarely approach me bc I've rbf (words from my friend), and I know people had crush on me but they never approach me bc they're afraid of me and they would confess years later or other people would talk about it. And also I like to make men "beg" for my attention, approaching me just once isn't enough I will simply say no and most of time i won't even notice that they're flirting with me (I feel a bit stupid when this happens). If a man wants me he must make his intentions very clear and be assertive or I won't take him serious or I will think he wants to be friends with me.

I'm sorry my comment got too long, when I start to write it's hard for me to stop. And also sorry for any mistake English isn't my first language.

Well, you have Mars exalted (even though Mars is exalted in Dhanishta and its effects are strongest there, you can still feel this energy across all Capricorn signs).

Having the Moon conjunct Mars in Capricorn explains your approach to love as more about conquering and dominating- Uttara Ashadha shakti is the “power to be victorius ” also, Jyestha shakti is the “power to conquer”🤷🏻‍♀️ Moon (mind)—Mars (goals, competition, spouse) so you might want to dominate your spouse/lovers through physical means, as these nakshatras are associated with fighting and assertiveness.

And with exalted Mercury conjunct debilitated Venus, it's no surprise that you approach love with a rational mindset and prefer clear, straightforward communication, leaving no room for ambiguity or mind games.

Oh, and with that Jyestha rising, explain your interest in more intense/brutal or gory scenes.🫣😏

I haven’t read the book, but I’ve heard about it, so I don’t have much more to add.😁

[bennysmiller]

Sweet Nothing - Frankie Morales x Reader

You and the boys have a night in at Benny's place, and amongst the chaos during a movie night, you and Frankie manage to find some quiet.

"Beer?"

You look up from your place on the sofa to see Benny holding out a full bottle of beer.

Normally you'd accept, but alcohol made you sleepy and you had to keep your eyes open for the game of charades Santi had proposed to everyone five minutes earlier. You shook your head at Benny but offered a slight smile in return.

"You don't have to stay awake, doll. Always welcome to crash in my bed while we're all out here"

Benny knew. He always knew. But once again, you shook your head at his suggestion and promised him you were fine. But you weren't fine. You wanted nothing more to fall asleep in Benny's bed to the sound of your boys laughing in the front room. But you also wanted to be present. After their latest mission, you knew how important it was to spend as much time as possible together.

"Well, you know where it is if you need it." Said Benny, before moving on and offering the beer to his brother.

Ten minutes later, the game of charades had been abandoned and Santi decided to put a film on instead. You couldn't actually hear what was being said, because Benny and Santi were too busy arguing over what they thought was going to happen. Then Will joined in and you wished you had taken up Benny's offer to sleep instead.

You managed to get yourself up off of the sofa, and over to the kitchen for a glass of water. As you take sips, you can't help but stare at an equally tired Frankie. The way his curls poke out from under his cap, and the way his hand is resting underneath his shirt, just on his stomach. You began to wonder what it would feel like to put your hand there instead. Do it for him.

You mentally kicked yourself for thinking about Frankie like that. He'd been nothing but sweet and respectful to you since you had met. But every now and then, no matter how hard you tried to push them down, those thoughts would creep up.

"They're real fuckin stupid sometimes."

You looked up to see Frankie stood across from you with his hands on his hips. When did he get here? you thought to yourself. You were so deep in your thoughts that you didn't see him get up.

You straightened up and put the glass down on the counter before agreeing with the man in front of you.

"I love them to bits but you're absolutely right." you said, earning a sigh from Frankie.

"I'm an old man now, just want peaceful nights in where I don't have to listen to a running commentary on whatever film we're trying to watch." He said, before taking his cap off and running a hand through his hair.

I could give you those kind of nights.

Before you realised what you had just said in your head, you jumped at the sound of a bottle smashing in the front room. Frankie rolled his eyes and chucked his cap on the table next to him.

"Too damn loud." He said, and ran a hand over his patchy beard. "Hey, you ever get those Taylor Swift tickets you wanted?"

You were about to turn around, but paused when he brought Taylor Swift up. It was something you had mentioned to him ages ago. You were both sat in a diner after a similar night with the guys, and needed to escape. So you sat and talked. All night. About anything and everything. You mentioned wanting to get tickets but didn't spend too long on the topic, so you went red when you realised Frankie truly was listening to you ramble on about them.

"Yeah, I did." You spoke quietly, but inside you were screaming. For so many beautiful reasons.

"Can I confess something? The night you mentioned those tickets, I went home and played a few of her songs. She's good."

"Seriously? You like her?" You asked excitedly. You wanted to die at the dimple that made an appearance on Frankie's face when he smiled at your enthusiasm that had suddenly shown up.

"Yeah," He chuckled. "You mentioned you loved Sweet Nothing. That's my song right now. I really am too soft for all of it."

He looked proud as fuck for slipping that lyric into the conversation, and also for how he'd clearly been studying your favourite artist.

You thought of the lyric outside they're push and shoving, you're in the kitchen humming and realised that perfectly described your situation with Frankie. Pure chaos in the front room with Santi, Benny, and Will, but the kitchen? You and Frankie found five minutes of peace in the kitchen. It was your place. You made the rules that night.

[kirishimasbabygirl]

Dating Kirishima

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A/N: Hey!!! I've been having Kirishima brain rot of months now so it's y'all problem now lol

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He is the definition of a gentleman; he holds doors open for you, helps you up steps, and walks outside the sidewalk closer to the street.

The first time he took you out on a date, he almost threw himself across the hood of his truck to stop you from opening the car's door to get out.

"W-Wait holds on; I'll get it for you!"

He is so polite with your folks.

Tries real hard to impress them, brings flowers for your mama, and gives your pa a firm handshake and compliments that beat up on racing car his been "fixin' " for years.

He's shaking the whole time; you have to hold his hand to get him to relax.

"I just don't want to mess this up."

He LOVES to show you off.

He'll take you out and strut around with you on his arm like he won the lottery. (If you ask him, he'll say he did)

He was so excited for you to meet his friends he grew up with; he told you so many stories of them from high school you can't help but feel a little intimidated.

"Hey, look at me; they're going to love you, okay?"

And they do!

Mina and Danki would gang up on him and tell you the stupid shit he did when they were teens.

Sero would crack a joke at Kirishima's expense, and everything was fine!

You got along with everyone and felt really welcomed by them; the only one that worried you was Bakugou.

"Then he crashed his head through this guy's window-"

"H-hey! Maybe we don't let her that one."

He sat there all night quietly watching you and every move you made; it felt like he was staring you down by the time the two of you left.

Eijiro noticed how quiet you were returning to the house and asked what was wrong.

You told him you were worried about what bakugou thought of you; you know the two of them are best friends, and you didn't want to cause problems.

He stared at you in the corner of his eye and told you that you didn't need to worry about that.

Later that night, you heard him on the phone with the blond when he thought you had gone ahead and gone to sleep.

You could see a grin split across his face.

"So, what do you think about her?"

"She's nice, man. Sweet."

"Yeah? Yeah, she is; she's the best, bro. I mean, like, did you hear how she laughs? Oh god, don't get me started on her nose and -"

He could go on and on about how much he loves you to anyone who would listen.

The lady scanning his items at the store? He's talking about how his surprising you with your favorite ice cream.

The old woman his helping cross the street? He's talking about how cute you were playing with your little cousins at your last family reunion.

"I just love her so much."

He does adore you; you are his main drive in life, and he absolutely would do anything for you.

He once stopped what he was doing mid-guys night and RAN all the way home from across town because you called him that you watched a scary movie by yourself. You swear to god you saw something outside your window.

"Don't worry! I'm here!"

He's knocked motherfuckers out over you; one time at a club, your shared friend group dragged the two of you too, and he decided to hang back as Mina pulled you onto the dance floor.

He hung back with the boys and was shooting shots when he felt Katsuki nudge his arm; he looked up at his friend, whose eyes were glued on the dance floor.

He looked over to see these two guys pressed up against you, front and back, you clearly distressed, pushing on the guy in front of yous chest, while the guy behind you pressed up against you even more, sandwiching you between them.

He's never moved faster in his life; he flew out of his chair and was tearing them both off you before they could even open their mouths; he had them on the floor rumbling.

At some point, Katsuki, Kaminari, and Hanta, as well as Mina, had jumped in to whip their asses which caused all six of you to get kicked out.

You were apologizing the whole ride home when he pulled over and cupped your face.

"As long as I am alive, no one will ever touch you like that again."

And you believed him.

[ipswitch-ink]

Reid x Hunter! Reader 🖤

enemies or lovers trope.

Reader is trying to settle down with her family and have a semblance of a normal life, living with an uncle and her brother, while her dad and older sister are still on the road hunting. But of course the school has a haunting or monster or something and she has to do something about it, oh, and Reid Garwin (the cute idiot in English Lit) is a warlock! Awesome!

They are obsessed with one another and it shows, passionate and wildly loving one another and somehow think that they're hiding it from everyone...they are not. Everyone knows, his coven and her family, it's so obvious.

It's canon that he cannot flirt (at all) and Reader is pretty snarky, so they clash and bicker upon first sight and, oh, look at that, he can flirt when it counts! Because he's got her flustered and she returns the favor, both of them walking away from that first meeting so moonstruck and hating it so much.

He doesn't know she's a hunter, to be fair, he'd never encountered one. Ever.

She clocks him very soon after meeting him. Reader's got experience, she's met warlocks before, killed a few too. But she cannot stand the thought of killing Reid and doesn't know why, deciding it's because he's done nothing worth killing over and trying to ignore the thunder of her heart.

Eventually, it all comes out in a brutal battle, when he thought she'd done something to Tyler (she didn't, of course, Reader has a code here).

Reid and Reader try to fight it but, when they can't anymore, they stop hiding it, stop running, stop fighting, and start loving. And they don't care what anyone else thinks of that, this love is all that matters.

very "touch her and you'll burn" vibes.

He might be the warlock here but she knows WAY more them him about the supernatural, stuff he didn't even know. He loves reading through her journals and library, it's so freaky, and will eventually help her hunt...which is pretty shocking for some. But Reid has a clear idea of right and wrong and, if something is out there hurting innocent people, he wants it to stop. He's got a code too.

Beside, he feels better fighting with her rather than waiting at home and worrying.

Neither of them has had a "normal" life but Reid is more adjusted then her. He has a real home, she grew up moving from place to place, driving around and living in motels; his hands are clean, she's killed before; he's been safe and happy, she's scarred from her experiences. So Reid gives her some type of normal, movie nights and bonfires and homework and more. It sounds pretty boring but actually Reader loves it all.

Reader has nightmares and, when he realizes this, Reid helps her through them. He prefers to sleep with her, so he can be there to comfort her through them. But if not, she can call him and he'll talk to her until she feels safe.

Reid shows her a side of magic she's never known. Warlocks were the enemy for so long, Reader saw it all in black and white before Reid opened her eyes to the colors she'd been blind too for all her life. He changed her for the better.

The coven comes to like Reader...eventually.

Helps that she saved their stupid asses from something they didn't know how to handle. People like you more when you save them from being brutally murdered.

Her family does not come to like Reid, besides her uncle and one of her brothers.

But those two are her favorites in the family anyway so who gives a damn about anything else? Dad isn't the one dating Reid, she is and that's all that counts, taking up for him at once.

Reader always wore one of her Dad's old leather jackets. The last time they saw each other, it went missing and she figured he must have taken it back, a quiet rejection of her. So Reid gives her his jacket to wear, to keep her safe and warm. It's his job now, anyway, the old man certainly wasn't good at it. He'll do a hell of a lot better.

Passionate arguments turn into passionate making out.

He's jealous and she likes that a little bit, Reader likes belonging to something/someone that isn't bloody. Something sweet. So she doesn't mind when he chases some asshole off or makes it known who she belongs to.

Long drives together, music playing as they talk and argue and laugh and just find somewhere to make out and be stupid and in love.

Reader is always armed, always has weapons hidden in her home and car and he's...okay with that. Even goes as far to put protection sigils over her home and things in order to help her feel a little safer.

He calls her "honey" and she loves it. It's even her name on his phone.

Every time they go somewhere on vacation, something freaky happens. A monster hunting in the lake, a ghost haunting the hotel, a vampire lurking in the city, a creepy cult in the quaint little town. The few times nothing happens, they're almost shocked about it.

But eventually, they get something close to normal and, even better, it's happy.