#aaaugh head in hands
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I miss drawing. Maybe I can post traditional art!
Would that be alright? Just traditional doodles since digital drawing just isn't quite working for me rn
#my tablet is....so scratched#and its making the process so tedious to work around#so I just dont wanna draw. but I also do! i wanna draw so bad!!!#maybe i can get better with colored pencils#thatd be fun I think#I miss doodling#i miss WH#aaaugh head in hands
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also was revisiting a little bmc bway interview ft. william last night & him saying his favorite part of the show was probably doing the agtikbi reprise scene on the couch at the party & mentioning the Nonverbal aspect of jeremy & christine's interacting / communicating there & a way of exploring/depicting Love & Affection in a way you don't always see everywhere and like aaaarghhhhh so true good lord that specific scene. and Again the bway obcr version Existing and being like that, it's just like. winded exhale yeah obsessed 5ever thank you all
#sooo true so true....#bmc#love putting it right in like the eye of the storm#both of them basically just having had these breakups & with jeremy that means mitb scene And [all of that A Time he had prior]#also now reflecting on how you know obviously he was Not ready to hear it w/michael & ofc he was affected by what all Just happened#but it's also like probably the worst time to be very pushy even with the best intentions & thinking it's Urgent & right abt all that lmao#but jeremy's Just had like whoops autonomy revoked ten ways to sunday from two different squip figures like#even [being correct! having jeremy's wellbeing in mind!] behind trying to yank him into some outcome; he's gonna be like Not Again#& ofc the sunk cost re: his squip & he has not had time to catch his breath like literally; not in a place to Confront Shit#if even his missed bestie is; from his perspective here; not at all comforting & not giving him what he feels is a real option....#& anyways ofc we can sympathize / understand them both b/c that's what the show is giving at all moments re all characters#all this to say like jeremy & christine like having such a time being very at sea very uncomfortable but then having This moment#and the refreshment & relief finally of having this successful genuine connection & relative security being with this person rn#love & affection for sure....just say what's on your mind....lord first of all that they improvise those Noises every night. i'm gonna cry#second of all imagining not knowing how that scene goes & the pause & jeremy like [augh] & then christine just Yes Anding. aaaugh#head in hands haven't even relistened for a moment despite all this reflection. the downtempo quiet reprise waaah#it's Pretty killer to sit & chat with you....it's pretty killer for me too....sooo true Not getting this everywhere always & Waaugh ;;m;;#and wasn't even thinking of it as a joke like [and talking about devote specific focus on the Nonverbal aspect of such a scene: im putting#my hands on the shoulders of that & keep drawing a deep breath to start talking abt it but instead going Whew & making Expressions]#i.e. the significance of my nonverbal response as per conveying emotions & thoughts lmao. and just....You Know
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screw you steam for not letting me use my paypal
#the games i would play if i could actually fecking. buy them head in hands#i rly wanna try space for the unbound the writer and creator r holding a panel at a con in a couple weeks too and aaaugh
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my dog turned 14 the other day!!! 14 years old in human years... I've had him since he was a pubby and hes 14... woaw....🥺
#i thought abt it too hard and im choked up now KJHSDKF MY SPECIAL LITTLE OLDMAN GUY.....MY BABY OLD. BENJBUTTON DOG. precious fuzzy man#he desperately needs a haircut i gotta call the vet tomorrow aaaugh ive been procrastinating abt it but hes SOO shaggy#i hate getting him cut in the winter bc i feel BAD if hes nakey bc its COLD outside. but i dont want him to be so shaggy he gets matted...#and his fur is curly fluffy so i dont wanna hurt him by trying to comb/brush it out yk?#aside from like using my fingers very gently#id say hes doing great for his age tho tbh#hes got mild cataracts and i think hes deaf but hes got 6 teeth which according to my vet is IMPRESSIVE for his age#and like hes healthy otherwise :") he luvs getting the good wet food now bc of the teeth situation#idk i know hes old and it makes me sad to think abt too much but hes doing ok according to the vet who i trust more than my own judgement#there rly isnt anything to be done abt him losing his hearing BUT hes so smart he picks up on hand signals so#he knows what gesture means walkies or food time :) or 'yes u can hop up on the couch with me' hand pat#my cat has started picking up on the hand signals too which is funny#guy whos nonverbal sometimes accidentally teached both their pets animal sign language <-#sanchoyorambles#anyway i wanna ask the vet to do another general checkup even tho he just had one a few months ago bc i am Paranoid JKDFHKJ#top 10 reasons i need to get a job asap . i am trying not to stress abt it but#aaaugh its been difficult and bad job hunting and the idea of calling ppl too late has paraylsed me with fear#i just gotta do it ;__; gun to my own head hollering atmyself to put the phone to my ear and hit call#holding myself hostage at this point bc being gentle is NOT fuckin working SDHFHSKJ#this time of year is always bad brain time tho i need to power thru the anxiety and various Episodes and Attacks#i Bleive in myself....
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The Mirror
Joel Miller x f!reader, Found Family Joel x Ellie
Summary: In Jackson, Joel and Ellie have settled down, and you’ve joined their little family. You and Ellie have bonded over poking fun at him, having no idea how much you’re really hurting his already wounded self esteem. Tommy and Maria step in, and eventually, he finds the courage to speak up for himself.
Word count: 10k
Warnings: implied age gap, angst, mentions of Sarah, very sad Joel hates himself, is made fun of for his age and briefly weight, Ellie and you are pretty mean, brief pissed off Joel, Joel cries. Happy ending!!!
A/n: hello from my official first story back, finally finishes this request i started before i dipped out for a bit. Worked very closely with them, @anotherpedrolover to get it just right :3 This is less of an x reader and more of just playing around with Joel and his relationships, which has been super fun. Hope you guys like ~8k words of our favorite poor little meow meow suffering teehee
—
It’s become a ritual for the three of you to sit in the living room many evenings, starting with you and Joel encouraging Ellie to read more, followed by a speech by her on hypocrisy and fairness, whereafter the two of you gave in just to calm her down. It’s quite nice, though, sitting around and reading silently.
You were the one to suggest it, once you felt like you did have room to suggest things, a few months into moving in with the two, having met them nearly a year beforehand here in Jackson. Ellie met you first, then almost literally pulled him to meet you.
Neither he or Ellie had been that social, keeping mostly to themselves, Tommy and Maria being the only exceptions. You were different, though, that’s what Ellie said, and that’s what Joel came to see, too. He’s not exactly sure what to call that thing, the thing at your core that pulled him in. But it doesn’t matter much, because now you’re here, and he’s never loved a woman as much as he loves you.
As he glances up at you, leg hanging over the side of your chair opposite him, face focused on your book, he can’t help but smile at the spark of warmth he gets at the sight.
Naturally, Ellie has her legs stretched out over Joel’s lap, him resting his book over them as he sits on the couch.
She didn’t start being this affectionate until a few months into Jackson. Not all that gradually either, the first few bear hugs genuinely shocking him, but he couldn’t be more pleased with the development. He’s had to get used to affection again himself, coming both from Ellie and you. Now that you live together, he finds himself entwined with you, in one way or another, every single night, and he has found himself indulging more than he has in anything in ages. Nowadays, he eats every touch up like a stray dog. Things like this, Ellie’s lazy legs over his, makes him feel like a father again. Things like twin idling hands over every part of each other you can reach makes him feel like a husband. Nights like these, all gathered in the living room, makes it feel like you’re a family.
However, his bladder refuses to let him soak up the moment anymore, so he breaks the peaceful silence, sliding Ellie’s legs off of his lap, “Alright, kiddo, I gotta interrupt ya for a minute.” As he gets to his feet, Joel groans automatically, nearly limping on a stiff knee for a moment as he turns around the couch and towards the hallway.
Watching him walk away, Ellie pouts, before a mischievous grin spreads across her face. “Look, look, I’m Joel.” Once she sees him looking at her, she groans, dramatically loud, pushing herself out of her seat slowly, then proceeding to walk even slower, one heavy foot at a time with her back curved and an imaginary cane in her hand. “Aauuh, my back, my knees, aaaugh,” she says with a gravelly voice, face twisted down. Immediately, you’re guffawing. Joel shakes his head as he watches, then looks down to pinch the bridge of his nose with a hint of a smile on his face. Though the impression is pretty funny, he doesn’t love the fact that it’s supposed to be of him.
“I’m 58, not 80, asswipe.”
“Come oooon,” she laughs, “that was spot on.”
“You do groan like you just got punched in the gut every time you get up.” You chuckle.
Despite how much he loves the sight, looking at the way you and Ellie grin and laugh with each other suddenly hits a chord in Joel. You’re laughing with each other, at him. It feels like neither of you give a damn about him in this situation at all. He’s just something to make fun. And, is that really how you see him? Senile?
Joel shakes it off, making himself chuckle, not wanting to ruin the fun, labeling himself as overly sensitive. “Can’t even take a piss in peace.” He mumbles as he turns and walks away, leaving you and Ellie in giggles behind him.
In the bathroom, he stares at his reflection. Gray, wrinkled, dark circles under his eyes, littered in scars. He guesses it really is the best thing, for you all to be in Jackson, because he doesn't have many more years left out there on the road. He’s lucky he hasn’t gotten himself or Ellie killed, god knows there were more than a few close calls, like when she had to shoot that kid, or had to nurse him back to health when he didn’t see that last guy coming at the university and got himself impaled. He’s too old for that. He’s too old.
You’re much younger. It confuses him often, why’d you want to be with an old man like him, but he has decided to take what he can get at this point. You haven’t left yet, so he’ll enjoy it while he can. But how many years does he have left of that, if you do stay? With you and Ellie?
He can barely recognize himself. When did he get this old? His joints ache in changing weather. He has to put significantly more effort into getting up, and yeah, he does groan like he just got punched whenever he does. One day, if he even gets that far, he will need a cane. He won’t even be able to go on patrols. In just a few years, he’ll be useless. He won’t be able to keep anyone safe at all. Hell, he’s probably at this point now. Slow and deaf and weak.
At least Ellie will have you. But… eventually, you’ll have to take care of him, too.
It all becomes too much. He looks down, and turns the light off.
—
Tonight is game night at Tommy and Maria’s, the game of choice being Monopoly, both Ellie’s favorite and least favorite, depending on whether or not she wins, though you’re all pretty competitive. She’s in the lead tonight, standing over the table to aggressively shake the dice, then, when they land in her favor, pretty much ending the game, throwing her hands up in victory with a very loud succession of yes’s. Joel, who had been right on her tail, throws his hands up with a dramatic “Aaawww,” a smile under his mock disappointment.
“Another loss for Joel,” Ellie tells him, smiling, then bows, “thanks to yours truly.”
“That was the luck of the dice, Ellie.” Joel points out, leaning back in his chair.
“No, that was me beating your ass. You can’t keep up with me, old man.” She smiles, throwing up more air punches. Everyone’s laughing, and Joel tries his best to, but there’s that line he hates. Tommy, however, can't miss the look under his brother's half hearted chuckle.
“Hey, Joel, help me get some wood for the fire.” Tommy cocks his head to the back door, and the two leave you, Maria, and Ellie inside to chat and put the game back away.
They start at the woodpile, taking a few logs to the back porch, but at the door, Tommy pauses, setting his small stack down. “Hey, Joel.” Joel places his logs down, then straightens to look at him. Tommy purses his lips, pausing. “Looks like they’re gettin’ along pretty well.”
“Yeah,” Joel looks down with a light smile. “Sure are.”
“They sure do like to take the mick out on ya.” Joel tries to hide behind a chuckle, but Tommy sees through him like a pane of glass. “Doesn’t seem like you’re havin’ as much fun with it as they are, though.”
“Ah,” Joel waves his hand dismissively, still trying to smile, “it’s all in good fun. I don’t mind.”
Tommy sighs, stepping forward to put his hand on his brother’s shoulder, making him look at him. He draws his brows together, keeping his voice quiet, “You can be honest with me, Joel. I know it’s botherin’ you.”
Joel looks down at his feet. “You’re right I mean, I don’t love their fun bein’ at my expense, but… if they’re havin’ fun and gettin’ along, who am I to stop them?”
“Nah, Joel. It shouldn't be like that. You gotta set up some boundaries or somethin’.”
Joel shakes his head. “It’s no big deal. As long as they’re happy, I don’t care.”
Tommy sighs. “Yeah, well, I care, and I know they do, too. I know it’s hurtin’ you, and I know they would stop doin’ it they knew.”
Joel raises his gaze to look at his brother with genuine eyes. “If they’re happy, I’m happy.”
Pursing his lips, Tommy shakes his head. “You don’t look very happy.”
Brushing it off, Joel chuckles, looking down at his feet again. “Well, I’ll work on that, then.”
Tommy's expression remains the same, almost pleading. Quietly, he urges, “You should tell them, Joel.”
After a moment, Joel replies quietly, “Yeah, yeah.”
Knowing full well that he won’t, Tommy sighs. After a pause, he sighs again, then picks the logs back up and goes back into the house.
Joel keeps his gaze on the ground, considering his brother’s words. He imagines the conversation, the hurt and disappointment on the face of two of his favorite people, the shame he’d feel, and the resulting quiet in the house.
Tommy has talked to him about his bad habit of putting himself last, but he has yet to understand why that’s a problem, why he would deserve it being any other way.
Though he tries to keep it out of his mind, he thinks about it every day, how he lied to Ellie after Salt Lake City. Sometimes, when he looks at her, that’s all he sees, and he sees the same thing in the mirror. He betrayed her. And he can’t find a way to tell her. So, doesn’t he owe her his own suffering? He can repent without telling her by letting her be as mean as she wants, even though he knows she doesn’t mean to be. It's better than how she would treat him if she knew what he did.
He feels so disconnected from her already, but he can’t stand to lose her. That’s why he did what he did in the first place, both the killing and the lying. He just can’t.
He deserves this. He’s a liar, he's weak, he's old, he’s not fun like he used to be. He can’t keep up. So, why should he say anything? What makes him deserve to stand up for himself? Why would he deserve any respect at all?
He just can’t lose her. Or you. Even if this is how it is from now on, being made fun of, it’s better than nothing.
Joel takes a deep breath, picks up the thick, heavy logs, and walks back through the door, wiping the sour look on his face as he enters back into the sound of banter and laughter.
He does pretty well, his training of keeping himself hidden away with a composed mask paying off. Still, it’s on his mind.
It’s impulsive, really, when he poses the question casually to Ellie, “You really think I can’t keep up with you? Gettin’ too old?”
“Pff,” Ellie chuckles, elbowing him. “Don’t get me wrong, you can hold your own, but look at those gray hairs. You could be my grandpa.” To Ellie, it’s funny, but Joel’s guts twist. He laughs it off.
He slinks to your side then, sliding his arm around your waist. You offer a sweet smile and a kiss to his cheek. He leans into it, but swallows hard.
“Hey uh,” he tries with you, “Little Ellie said she thinks I could be her grandpa. Makin’ be feel like a manther.”
“Manther?” You crinkle your brow, a hint of a laugh on your lips.
“Yeah, you know,” he cocks his head, self conscious. “Like I’m uh, too old for you.”
You chuckle, pressing another kiss to his cheeks. “I like the gray.” That’s all you say before turning back to the conversation. Though you lean into his side, it doesn’t make Joel feel any closer to you.
He is an old man. And that’s about it.
He doesn’t deserve either of you. He’s not enough.
He has no idea what he’s doing here.
—
It’s a slow, quiet morning in Jackson, Joel still sleepy as he sips his coffee, sitting at the breakfast bar as you pour a cup of your own across from him in the kitchen. Despite the seeming dullness of them, mornings like these are one of Joel’s favorite things. Simply peaceful, no dreading the day, he’s allowed to be only half awake. With the love of his life to share it with, and Ellie to come join you whenever she decides to pull herself out of bed—because she’s allowed to take her time, now, too. Joel looks at you, standing with your back against the counter with a mug in your hand. There’s a light smile on your face, but you’re looking at the floor, which is curious, and then you wink, but he barely has time to register it before Ellie comes jumping up from the other side of the counter, yelling “BOO!” right in his face.
“Jesus fuck—” he yells on impulse, almost flinging coffee on himself as he lurches back in his seat, eyes wide, instantly completely awake. You and Ellie immediately erupt in laughter, Ellie leaning over the counter at him with a wide grin. “Jesus, Ellie.” He sighs deeply, closing his eyes and taking a breath as he leans back in his chair.
“Gotta keep you on your toes, old man.” Ellie giggles while you continue in your fit of laughter.
“Yeah, yeah.” Joel rolls his eyes, sighing again as he leans wearily over the counter, trying to catch his bearings and calm his pulse.
Still laughing, you and Ellie high five. “That was good,” you giggle at her, then look at him as he rubs his eyes, a faint smile still on his lips. It’s hard to be in a bad mood when the two of you are laughing like this. “You’re too easy, Joel.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.” He chuckles lightly, “So much for a peaceful morning. Christ, one of these days you’re gonna give me a heart attack, Ellie.”
“Aw, you can handle it.” She replies, going around the bar to slap his shoulder, still grinning. “Besides, I know CPR.”
Joel looks at her, attitude in his voice when he asks, “Do you?” Because he knows full well that she does not know CPR.
“Yeah. It’s like that song, you know, the one that goes, being alive, being alive,”
“You mean stayin’ alive?”
“Yeah, whatever, that.”
“That’s a song, Ellie, not CPR. And you don’t even know the damn song.”
“Well… she knows CPR.” She points at you, “Right?”
You nod, an amused smile on your face, “Yes, I do.”
“Then you’ll be fiiiine.” Ellie slaps Joel’s shoulder again, and he gives her a look, brows raised.
“Well, I would prefer not to have to get CPR at all.”
“Well, I’m surprised you haven’t gotten used to being boo’d by me by now.”
“Boo’d?” Joel scrunches his raised brows.
“Yeah, you know, BOO.”
Joel looks at her, hiding amusement with a mask of the fuck are you talking about. Then he shakes his head, going back to his coffee. “I swear to god, you two.” He mumbles into a sip, holding in a chuckle.
“Aw, come on, you love it.” You say with a smile. He raises his eyebrows at you, answering flatly, “Sure I do.” Which only makes you and Ellie laugh more.
With Ellie in the kitchen, the morning is no longer quiet, now filled with banter and conversation. Joel stays mostly quiet with his coffee, observing. He really was enjoying the peacefulness, and it takes a while for his pulse to calm, but what’s important is the two of you; you’re his favorite show. He loves nothing more than to see you two happy. And you fit each other very well—you can actually keep up with her.
You’re his favorite person, and probably Ellie’s favorite, too. The two of you are thick as thieves, and have grown to love making fun out of him. But it’s good, it’s good that you’ve bonded over it. That’s what matters. Because you two are far more important than he is.
—
Joel is exhausted tonight, though the patrol wasn’t too much. A few Infected at the tree line, not much more, but his sleep hasn’t been the best lately. It’s starting to get chilly again, and he has been looking forward to getting home to a warm house, and to hopefully catch Ellie before she goes to bed.
When he enters the house, he can hear familiar, faint giggling from upstairs. He smiles at it, hanging his coat on its hook by the door before starting up the steps. The quiet chatter is coming from Ellie’s room, and his smile only grows as he pushes the door open with his knuckle.
The two of you whip your heads to him, sitting cross legged on the floor.
“What’re you two gigglin’ about?” He asks with a smirked smile.
“Nothing.” Is Ellie’s immediate reply, a mischievous smile plastered on her face.
“Nothin’, huh?” Joel’s heart falls, but he keeps it to himself. “I take it I won’t get to hear about this then, huh?” He tries to keep the smile on his lips, though his chest is starting to ache.
“Yeah, it’s just between us girls, you know.” You smile like Ellie.
“Oh. Ok.” He clears his throat, feet shifting out of the doorway. “I guess I’ll uh, leave you two to it then.” All you do is smile at him, a dismissal of his presence, and he backs out of the doorway and leaves for his bedroom.
As he unties his boots, Joel’s heart gets heavier and heavier. He kicks them off, changes, and slides into bed, wanting the day to be over. But his mind won’t obey, keeping him from sleep once again.
It used to be between him and Sarah. They’d have all kinds of late night talks, granted it wasn’t a school night. He knew everything, all the teachers she liked and didn’t, every crush, why the book she was assigned for homework was stupid. And he’d talk about work, everything that was going on, the deadlines that kept getting impossibly tighter, how the apprentices were doing.
They’d talk about where they wanted to go on vacation, what colleges Sarah was daydreaming about despite her youth, whether or they should get a dog or a cat, what it would be like if Sarah’s mom was still around.
Everything.
On the road, he and Ellie would talk about plenty of stuff. They got close. He remembers when they were riding to where the Fireflies were supposed to be, before he got stabbed by that bat and almost died and then Silver Lake. And then how thought everything was solved right after, and how it wasn’t, and then Salt Lake City happened.
It’s a completely different world. From 2003, from just a couple years ago.
Now, Ellie’s here, in this big community. She’s in school. Living in a house. About as normal as one can get these days.
But it’s not like it was when he had another young girl living with him. He misses that. He misses Ellie.
But at least she has you.
But he wishes it was him. At least, partly, him.
But it’s not.
He closes his eyes.
—
“Joel!” Ellie cries out, violently ripping Joel out of sleep, and he’s instantly on his feet. When he hears your voice crying his name out, too, every cell in his body is in a panic, almost falling as he races down the stairs. What could have happened? Have Infected broken through the gates? Is someone attacking you? Did one, or both of you, get injured? Is he about to lose one of you? This place is supposed to be safe!
When he finally sees you, he’s befuddled.
You’re both smiling in the kitchen, bacon searing in a pan next to one of scrambled eggs.
“We made breakfast!” You announce, both of you giggling.
Joel swallows, standing at the bottom of the stairs. “Are y—is everythin’ alright?”
“Yeah, we just wanted to let you know that we made breakfast.”
Once the shock has worn off, anger bubbles up. He feels it register on his face, but tries his best to reel himself in, swallowing hard. You made him breakfast. You made breakfast for all three of you. That’s a very nice thing to do. All you were doing was waking him up. You weren’t trying to hurt him. You didn’t know how it would affect him, how it would nearly make his life flash before his eyes. That’s his problem, not yours.
“Y—don’t—just, come wake me up next time.” He states, trying to keep a hold on his sternness.
“Jeez,” Ellie raises her brows, “someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
Joel sighs through his nose, looking at you, but all you do is shrug with a smile. He swallows.
Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door, followed by a familiar voice. “Mornin’, just us.” Tommy calls out, he and his wife smiling back at a confused Joel when he opens the door.
“I invited them for breakfast this morning, remember?” You say as you come up beside him, a hand instinctively rubbing his back.
“Oh, I uh,” Joel glances between you and the couple at his door, “must’ve forgot. Come on in.”
“Forgetting a lot these days,” Ellie teases as she sets plates out on the table. Her tone is teasing, but Joel can’t help the tightening of his jaw at the reminder of his failures. When he flicks his eyes back up, he’s me with Tommy’s, and he knows he’s been caught red handed by the concern in them. He switches his gaze right back to the floor, making his way to a seat at the table.
“Wow, look at this spread,” Maria comments, smoothing the cloth napkin under the silverware over her lap, a move that only makes Joel think again, what am I doing here? Cloth napkins alone are something that hadn’t crossed his mind in just about two decades. And despite Maria’s innocent move, paired with her eventual attempt to make him feel more welcome into the community, the resentment he feels for her hasn't quite let him go. So… civilized, so proper. Better than him.
“Well, make sure you serve yourself first, Joel likes to hog bacon.” Ellie returns as the five of you settle down at the table.
“I do not,” he counters, tone mild, though slightly wounded.
“Do to.” She raises her brows as she spoons eggs onto her plate, “You’re gonna need to get a bigger pair of pants soon, swear.”
To his dismay, you’re chuckling when he looks at you. And when he sees the obvious concern in his brother's eyes, he decides it might be best just to keep his head down. So, he hardly says anything at all, despite Tommy’s repeated attempts to bring him into the conversation. He’s busy arguing with himself in his head, still partly angry, but feeling guilty, too. He wants to be pissed. It was a rude awakening, but it was meant to be harmless. It makes him feel like he doesn’t belong here, like his head is still stuck out there outside of the walls. But he should still be on alert, nowhere is really safe, not even Jackson. What if you were hurt? What if something had happened? He needs to be ready. And you two were being reckless, calling wolf like that. But you were just trying to call him to breakfast. It was innocent. You’re both innocent.
And then the fact that he forgot that Tommy and Maria were coming over this morning. He almost can’t believe himself. His mind, his sharpness, clarity, and memory, that he’d relied on for survival, is he losing it? Fucking senile. Fucking weak. Fucking stupid. Selfish, just by being here.
It goes around and around like that, and in the end, he can barely finish his food. Ellie’s earlier teasing doesn’t help, either. She’s right, he has gained some weight since arriving in Jackson, but who can blame him, after being close to starving so often? Well, Ellie can, apparently.
But she means nothing by it, right? And you’re not laughing because you agree, right?
“Hey,” Tommy startles him out of his spiral, cocking his head towards the kitchen when Joel looks up at him, “come help me with the dishes. Least we can do for these ladies making a whole meal for all of us.”
Nodding, Joel gets up to help gather plates and follow his brother to the kitchen. Tommy stays quiet for a few moments as he wipes the plates that Joel washes, but he knows he’s in for a lecture sooner or later.
“Joel.” He finally says, keeping his voice low with the help of the running faucet to keep the conversation quiet. “You gotta say something.”
“About what?” Joel mumbles, keeping his eyes focused on rinsing a soapy plate. He hears his brother sigh.
“You know what I’m talking about.”
“It’s fine, Tommy.” He nearly snaps back.
His brother turns to him, “No, it ain’t.” When Joel doesn’t look up, he sighs again. “Look at me, Joel.” Finally he does. “It’s just not right.” Tommy shakes his head, tone both with genuine concern for his brother with a lilt of anger towards you and Ellie. When Joel notices it, he straightens, almost puffing out his chest. Holding himself back from shoving his finger in Tommy’s chest, he replies sternly, “Now don’t you go blaming them for my fuckin’... sensitivity—”
“Stop, Joel.” Tommy takes a breath, taking the last clean plate from his hands and slowly drying it as he speaks. “It just hurts me. To see them treating you like that. And I know they don’t mean it like that, and I know that they don’t know. And that's why I’m tellin’ you, you have to speak up for yourself. Please, Joel, if not for your sake, then for mine, and for theirs.” He points his finger back towards the living room.
Joel huffs, looking back down as the faucet runs over the clean plate. “I'll deal with it.” He says eventually.
Tommy lets out his own huff, pausing. “Alright.” He replies quietly, pausing again before making his way back into the living room. After a moment of watching him go, Joel turns back to the sink, shutting off the tap and swiping up the towel to dry off his hands. “Can’t catch a fuckin’ break.” He mumbles to himself, thinking about what a wonderful way this is to start off his day.
—
This weekend, it’s the second Miller household’s turn to host game night, and after a very loud game of Uno, the five of you have settled down in the living room for a drink—except for Ellie, that is, who, like every time a bottle is opened around her, begged for a glass and rolled her eyes when she was told, no, you cannot have a glass of whiskey on the rocks.
The brothers are stood chatting about the latest fixer upper with their elbows on the mantle while the girls are huddled up on the couch.
“Figure we got about a month left.” Joel concludes, and Tommy nods in agreement, and then their attention is brought to a burst of giggles. It turns the corner of Joel’s lip up, and he inquires, “What so funny over there?”
The giggles stop, and all three of your heads switch over to his question.
“Private,” is all Ellie says, and you have to stifle a giggle.
Having been told that twice now, Joel’s heart falls, but irritation quickly bubbles up. Flustered, his lip twitches, and he hardens his brow.
“Ellie,” he starts, adjusting his arm on the mantle, voice sharp like the glass in his chest, “it’s rude to have a private conversation when we’re trying to all have family time here.”
“Jesus,” Ellie rolls his eyes, only piquing Joel further, “manners!”
“Manners—“ Joel starts, ready to set fire to the entire living room, wounded and now humiliated in front of his brother and his wife, but she interrupts him, “Yeah, manners, we’re over here trying to have a private conversation which you are interrupting. Goes both ways, old man. Don’t get all mad at me cause you’re still so un-domesticated.”
Her tone isn’t serious, but her words make him feel hollow. He shifts on his feet, torn between anger and shame, then glances at Tommy. His brows are upturned, his lips a thin line. Joel’s chest tightens, now frustrated and only further embarrassed at snapping. He hasn’t done that in a while. He’s trying. He’s trying to learn how to be calm. How to breathe. How to be polite. Keep his cool.
But his lip twitches, and his mind goes blank.
“Ellie, knock it off.” He nearly growls. Her eyes widen, brow raised. “Woah, there,” but then you cut in, softer voice almost pleading, “She’s just being a teenager, Joel.”
“Yeah,” he nods, “I know what teenagers are like. Doesn’t mean we have to put up with the bullshit.”
“Joel—” Tommy tries. Joel turns to him, face scrunched, “Don’t Joel, me, Tommy. Am I the only one gettin’ fed up with this shit?”
“What shit?” Ellie cuts back in, face scrunched just the same.
Joel takes a step forward, unable to stop himself. “The shit where you disrespect everyone who—” he pauses. Everyone who’s put their life on the line to put up with you, is what had tempted his tongue. Thank god his teeth had the instinct to bite his tongue when they did, because it would have been something that he didn’t mean, that he didn’t even believe. He glances around at every set of eyes turned to him, all looking like they’re bracing themselves. He falters, lets out a breath, then heads straight for the kitchen. “Fuckin’ bullshit.” Comes out under his breath.
Opening the fridge to set an ice cube that he doesn’t need into his near empty cup, he takes a breath, forcing it out through his nostrils. “The fuck is his problem?” He hears Ellie whisper from the other room, and that’s when the anger slips away to make room for the crushing guilt, and he finds himself unable to move, chest knotted and heavy.
“Hey,” he hears quietly at his side, turning to see Maria leaning against the doorframe.
Snapping back into reality, he closes his eyes and clenches his jaw, knowing ignoring her is unacceptable. He’s just not in the fucking mood.
“Hey.” His voice comes out gruff.
She comes around to his side, forcing him to turn with his back towards the living room. She glances back at it, then lowers her voice. “Tommy talked to me about—“
“Course he did.” Joel grumbles, closing his eyes and swiping his hand over his forehead.
“Yeah,” Maria cuts back in, tilting her head with sharp eyes. Then, she closes them, bowing her head for a moment before coming back up with a forced, calm expression, a strategy he envies deeply. “He did,” she begins again, “because he cares. Therefore, I care. Ellie was rude. And I apologize for that.” Joel closes his eyes and shakes his head, but as soon as his mouth starts to form a rebuff, she cuts him off again. “Can you just let me finish, Joel?” She doesn’t wait for an answer, lowering her tone. “She is the one who doesn’t have manners, she’s the one who has never lived in a civilized community. Not like this. Not like the world before. Because of that, she also doesn't understand boundaries. So,” she sighs, tilting her head again, “being in the position you are, it’s your responsibility to teach her. She doesn’t know what she’s doing because she never learned. You have. You’re a good man, and a strong man.” Joel is taken aback by her words, not expecting a compliment from her, especially not paired with the earnestness in her eyes. “You deserve kindness and respect. Not to say you need to discipline her, just… let her know. How you’re feeling. That she’s hurting you.”
Joel is so tired of saying he’s fine when he isn’t so many times in the last week that he decides to just keep his mouth shut for a moment. After a moment, he nods, staring down at the dregs of gold left in his glass.
“Thank you.” He eventually mumbles.
“You're welcome.” She returns with a tight lipped but genuine smile. Then, she pats his arm, and walks back to the living room, announcing, “Hate to be the one to say it, but it’s bedtime.”
As they bid their goodnights, Joel is almost absent, besides the feeling of tension in the air like static whenever Ellie nears him.
In his head, there’s shame, first and foremost—for snapping at Ellie, to have a problem that Tommy had to talk to his wife about. For not seeing what Maria saw, too wrapped up in his head to see the bigger picture; by letting her down, again.
But there’s something on his mind, too. An idea of how to fix it. Having his head grabbed and forced to look through the lens of being responsible, not just a victim, flicks a switch in his head. The first occurrence of a drive to actually talk to her about it. Now, it’s for her. He can do that. Because he’ll do anything for her.
—
The next night, Joel pauses in front of Ellie’s door, careful to stay out of the line of light coming from her bedside lamp. He raps his knuckles softly on the door, “Hey, you got a sec?”
“Yeah,” Ellie calls back, followed by the soft thwap of a closing book, “come in.”
His steps are hesitant, almost awkward as he makes his way to the bed, permissed to sit when she brings her legs up to fold under her.
“Listen, baby girl,” Joel starts, eyes on the floor as memories of talks with Sarah that always start with that very phrase. “I gotta talk to you about something.”
“Mhm?” She nods, innocence in her eyes that make his gaze land straight back on the floor.
“We just… uh, boundaries.” He attempts at purpose in his voice. “You gotta understand, when, uh, y’know, you can’t just go around teasing people all the time.”
“I don’t tease everyone, I just tease y—“
“Yeah, I know. But you can’t make that a habit, alright? It can hurt people's feelings, sometimes.”
This is the best Joel can do, unable to openly speak on how he feels, tell her that she’s hurt him. But Ellie won’t let him off that easily, her tone softening, sounding almost like she’s just a kid, which she is, but barely ever shows. “I hurt your feelings?”
It comes out so small, fidgeting with her fraying sleeve, and that’s what he focuses his eyes on, afraid that if he meets hers, he’ll freeze at the sight. That he’ll see guilt. But he has a purpose. He can’t let himself trip.
The words pauses and strains in his throat a couple times before he can manage them out. “Yeah, sometimes.”
There’s a pause.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know kiddo, I,” he pauses to sigh as guilt washes through his chest, I deserve it ringing in his head, but then he thinks back to Maria’s words. Then, it hits him. Ellie also needs to learn how to speak up for herself. To know that when someone hurts her feelings, she should confront them—using her words instead of her fists—and that she shouldn’t feel sorry for doing so. “It’s alright, I know you’re not trying to be mean. And I—“ he stops himself again, fidgeting his fingers as he lets the shame pass through and out of him before he speaks again. “Sometimes, I…” he nods, like a nervous tick, eyes safely on the floor as he forces the admission. “I struggle. And I know you know that. And I’m sure it’s been hard on you, too, Jackson… it’s a big adjustment. Haven’t seen anything like this in a long, long time. Having all these people around—friendly people. Sit down meals with real portion sizes. And just… a home. And I love it, I do. But, uh, it’s just… I’m not used to… being… settled down. I’m used to runnin’. Used to fightin’. I startle easy, honey. And sure I shove food in me. And I am getting’ older… but…”
“Takes a lot to get to 58.”
He looks at her then, pausing, then nods. “Yeah. Yeah it does.”
“I know I’ve never actually said it, but… I respect you. Really.” She nods.
After a long moment, processing and recovering from that unanticipated sentiment, Joel nods back. “Now, listen—“ he starts, leaning his elbows on his knees, “I’m not asking you to say yes sir no sir, just… cut me some slack, sometimes. Alright?”
Pretending to think on it, Ellie rolls her eyes around the ceiling with a frown before looking back at him and nodding, a small smirk spreading across her face, making Joel’s lips tug up almost automatically. “I think I can manage that.”
“Now look, I,” he waves his hand out, “I don’t want this to be, you know, like you can’t have fun, I like you talkin’ and messin’ around. Highlight of my day. Sometimes.” He shrugs lightly, getting a small chuckle out of her. “I just… would be nice to… be included.” He nods at her, chest tightening at the vulnerability. “Y’know?”
“Yeah. I get that. How about we just team up on your girlfriend?” She smirks.
Joel shakes his head, chuckling. “Or maybe we’ll just team up on you.”
“Psh. As if you could cut through this thick skin of mine. Do you have any idea what kind of zoo FEDRA school was?” She laughs, brow raised.
“And I’m sure you gave ‘em hell.”
“Well… towards the end, yeah.”
“So you toughened up, huh? Weren’t born like this?”
“Well…” she shrugs. “Not really.” Ellie looks down, tracing spirals on her sheets. “I was real sensitive as a kid.” This makes Joel pause. He imagines her, younger, quiet, reserved, but not in a cagey way—soft. Soft enough to get picked on. He’s not quite sure what to say, but she breaks the silence. “So I get it. And I know it’s not… that bad, but… I don’t want you to think you’re anything less than my favorite person.” The edges of her lip tug up, peering up at him, and Joel’s heart aches, not in pain, but something else that he can’t quite put his finger on. For a moment, he’s frozen, but then he blinks, and retreats his gaze to the floor. “Well, that’s an honor.” He replies quietly.
Ellie chuckles, even though it wasn’t a joke. “Well, you’re very welcome. Guess I shouldn’t call you old man anymore, so, what, just, Joel?” Her face twists up, making him chuckle at how unacceptable that seems to be.
“Joel’s fine.” He smirks.
“Ugh, that’s so boring. How about… cowboy? That’s not disrespectful, is it?”
Joel chuckles again, shaking his head. “No, I wouldn’t say so.” He smirks at her, “Kinda has a nice ring to it.”
“Right?” Ellie replies brightly, and the look on her face makes Joel feel like there was never anything wrong in the first place. He pauses on her smile, one rising to his lips at the sight. That’s my girl.
After a moment of trying to memorize that smile, he sighs deeply, then pats her leg. “Alright, kiddo. Time for bed.”
“Yes, sir.” She replies, a smirk on her lips. He smirks back, rolling his eyes.
A smile sticks to his lips as he walks back to his bedroom, relief flowing through him, and this time, after writing I love you on a sticky note to stick on your pillow, it’s not so hard to close his eyes and drift off to sleep.
He did something, something a father does. He did right by her. Like he used to do right by Sarah.
—
That relief didn’t even last to the morning. Instead, doubt ripped at him. Fear that he’d stepped too far, telling her that she’d hurt him. It’d been hard to meet her eyes all day, afraid to see guilt in them, but she was out and about all day anyway, avoiding him, he assumed.
He can’t stand the thought of losing you or Ellie, but isn’t he starting to already, even if it’s just in his head? He doesn’t feel anywhere near as close to either of you as he once did. Though you still have good times together, though there’s still plenty of love, and you’re still all very much a family, he feels like he’s drifting farther and farther away from it. Like he’s starting to just be looking in through a window, putting on a mask.
More than anything, he wants to keep his family. Desperately, he wants the closeness, the unity, the love. The family. Not just the household, the family.
He loves the two of you like he’s loved no one else, not quite like this. With the world the way it is, it’s a different breed of sacrifice than for the one he had before. And he needs the two of you to know that, how much he loves you. But he wants to feel loved, too.
With that last realization, something snaps inside Joel.
I want to feel loved, too. He almost whispers the thought out loud, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes as the tears slip out. Though he’s alone in his room, both you and Ellie are home, and he can’t let himself get caught crying. He sniffles and looks back up, staring into the dark of the night through the window, but it only reminds him of how alone he feels, fueling more tears. It almost startles him, and he shut his eyes quickly—he’s still not a cryer. He must not have realized just how much he was hurting until now, recognizing that he doesn’t feel nearly as loved as he loves.
You deserve to feel loved, comes a ghostly voice in his head, and it sounds like Sarah, and then he sees her, peering up at him like he should know this, because there’s her face looking at him with those big brown eyes and that light smile and all the love in it, and he clenches his teeth and tightens his body, quieting his shaking sobs.
“Fuck.” He breathes out with a hiccup. “Get your shit together.” And he does try, taking a deep breath and looking at the ceiling, but the tears keep coming, beading at his chin.
Weakness. That’s what’s pouring from his eyes. He was weak, and that’s why Sarah died. He was weak, and that’s why Ellie ended up unconscious in that hospital in the first place.
Too deaf and too slow.
Even when he was two decades younger, he failed.
All he does is let them down.
And look at him now, crying, because he can’t, he can’t tell you the truth, because he’s a coward, and he’s weak.
“Fuck,” heaves out of him as he presses the heels of his hands in his eyes, until it hurts, until he’s seeing stars, and his teeth hurt from the clench of his jaw.
He deserves it. But he’s still hurting them. Everything he does is wrong, even when every instinct in him says it’s right.
I let you down, I let you down, he tells Sarah, he tells Tommy, he tells Ellie, he tells you.
That’s who he is. At his core, he’s a disappointment. No matter how hard he tries—
“Hey,” he hears you at the door, and quickly tries to compose himself, almost slapping his face to wipe the wetness off of it with a quick sniffle. “Hey,” he responds, glancing at you, then planting his gaze on the floor, heart starting to race, being caught red handed again. Immediately, you’re at his side on the bed, but he keeps his gaze turned away, trying but failing to be inconspicuous. But your presence alone in the moment is enough to sprout more tears from his eyes, not from guilt but just from that thing you do to him, making him feel safe enough to be honest, vulnerable. To cry. And then your thumb is on his cheek, brushing the tears away. He clears his throat, still turning away, but he knows he can’t hide now.
“What’s wrong?” Concern drips from your gentle voice, and he squeezes his eyes shut.
“Nothin’, I’m alright.” He clears his throat again, though shame starts to boil him, from the crying, and now the lying.
“No, you’re not.”
He sighs through his nose.
“You’re a shit lair.” You try to jest, but it’s just another knife in his chest. Back in the most gentle of tones, you sound almost like you’re begging, “Joel, tell me.”
He swallows thickly, eyes still on the floor. “I don’t know, it’s just, uh,” he tries to clear his throat again, but his face falls, brow drawing up as more tears streak his cheeks.
“Joel, Joel,” you reply instantly, pulling his face to meet your eyes, and he watches your face fall like a ball of lead when you see his pain, then begging him in a whisper, “please, tell me what’s going on.”
It pushes the confession out of him. “I—I don’t wanna make you feel bad, but I just, I just,” he huffs a sigh, “I just feel like the three of us, aren’t as close as we used to be. With—with Ellie, I know that we were on the road, so, we kinda had to be, and with you, ya know… I don’t know. Things have just, changed, and uh,” his voice breaks, but he tries to regain control with a shaky breath, turning his gaze to the floor. “Jackson is a good place, for Ellie, and for you, for all of us, and you and Ellie are close, and that’s good, it’s good. I don’t wanna be ungrateful, I don’t—” you, sensing his back turning on his own feelings, urge him again, voice gentle as a petal, “Joel, tell me.”
He pauses, looking back at you, then confesses, “I just feel like I’m, not who I used to be, to you two.”
You’re visibly taken aback, brow drawing up. “What do you mean?” You nearly whisper.
He closes his eyes, lip starting to wobble. “E—Ellie talks to you, and that’s good,” he nods, “it’s good, it’s, great, but uh… she doesn't talk to me like that, and uh, I used t’, I used to have… those conversations, with Sarah” Joel’s head drops as soon as her name leaves his lips, and your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him immediately to your chest. His heavy hand slides up your side, holding you halfheartedly. There’s the sorrow and shame and pain, but feeling your body against his offers some comfort. It’s followed closely by more sorrow, now allowed, and the words continue to fall out. “An’ uh, you an’—an’ I, I dunno, it’s just, changed, an’, like I said, it’s good you’re close to Ellie, it’s my favorite thing to see, but, but I—”
Before he can finish, you bring him to face you again, cupping his cheeks with your thumbs brushing over the wet streaks, eyes full of sincerity. “I love you.”
Joel closes his eyes, nodding again, leaning into your touch. “I know, I know you do.” He looks at you again, “An’ I love you, too, an’ I need you to know that, an’ that’s why I, I haven’t said anythin’, but I… I don’t want you to feel bad,” he shakes his head, “I—” he stops himself abruptly, sighing deeply and shaking his head again. “Nevermind. Forget it. I’m bein’ a child.” Joel stands up, on his way to retreating straight through the front door and into the cold night, but your grip on his arm surprises him.
“Joel.” When he looks at you, you pause, expression dripping with sympathy, but the first emotion that comes out of him is disgust.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you pity me.” He answers immediately, pulling his arm away and looking at the ground. “You know I can’t stand that shit. Doesn’t even fuckin’ matter. It’s nothin’. Just… lost my… composure. It’s fine. It’s nothin’.” He goes to leave again, but is caught just the same, this time you coming to your feet to pull his arm.
“No, it is not, Joel. You don’t get like this if it’s nothing.” You tug his arm again, trying to take his attention. When he looks at you again, he pauses at the pleading in your eyes. “Joel.” You whisper, “Tell me.”
He swallows thickly, and reluctantly comes back to sit on the bed.
It’s another sharp battle in his mind as he does, the familiar self hatred, but now there’s the guilt of shutting down with you. There have been many conversations, and a promise made. He can’t break it. He can’t break your trust again. So, he speaks, though the words feel thorny in his throat. “I love you. I love seein’ you happy. More than anythin’ I love seein’ you and Ellie happy. You two are everythin’ to me. I want you, always. Life would be nothin’ without you, and without Ellie, and I jus’—I jus’ want you two to be happy,” his voice breaks again, “and that’s why I—I didn’t want to say anythin’, I don’t want to ruin your fun, y—you can joke around, I want you to, even if it’s at my expense I—I just kinda wish I was… included.” Pain lilts his last word. Suddenly feeling childish again, he drops his head. “I shouldn’t be whinin’.” He shakes his head.
“Joel—”
“You’re right, anyway, I’m old, an’ fuckin’ sensitive,” the sourness of the word is obvious in his voice and on his face, “I’m weak an’ everythin’ you two say is true, I,”
“Joel—”
“It’s true, and I shouldn’t be gettin’ this worked up about jus’ some jokes, I’ve just gotten fuckin’ soft,”
“Joel—”
“I’ve jus’ been lettin’ myself go, I guess, I fuckin’ deserve it, shit, I deserve much worse, for all the shit I’ve done,”
“Joel.” Your forceful tone breaks him out of his rant. “No. You don’t, and I’m sorry—”
He hangs his head, “No, I—”
“Joel.” You move his head to look at you again, “no, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize, and I should have—you’re not weak, and you don’t deserve us making fun of you. I just didn’t see it, and that’s my fault, we were being mean,” Joel tries to protest, but you speak over him, “we were, you’re just so damn good at hiding how you feel, and I just wasn’t paying attention. And that’s my fault. And I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be giving you such a hard time all the time. And that is not what I meant by saying you’re sensitive. That is not a bad thing, Joel.” You sigh, looking into his eyes with yours full of love. “Sensitive doesn't mean weak. It’s humanity. I love that you can be soft. And that’s not a small ask. You are not a bad person. With what the world is now, there are plenty of people who have done much worse. Joel, you still have a heart, and it’s full, and you’re giving, you’re self sacrificing, Jesus, Joel, you’ll do anything for people you love. And yeah, it gets messy, but it’s love. You have been through so much. But you still have your heart. And I love it more than anything, Joel. More than anything. I love you,” you pause to kiss his forehead, “I love you to pieces, Joel, I adore you, and I want you to know that. And I haven’t been showing that. And that’s my fault. None of this is on you, love.”
“I just want you two to be happy…” Joel whispers, looking into your eyes.
“We want you to be happy, too.”
“I just don’t wanna ruin your fun—”
Ellie’s voice interrupts, “We want you to have fun, too, Joel.” You both snap your heads to her standing in the doorway, looking almost small, fingers brushing the edge of the door she’s cracked open.
“Ellie…” Joel hangs his head, voice dripping with shame. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
She comes almost charging in, sitting at Joel’s other side to wrap her arms around his shoulders. He leans into it immediately, turning to wrap his arms right back around her. She buries her face into the crook of his neck, and he holds her tighter, sighing shakily. “I’m sorry, baby girl.”
“No, I’m sorry.” She says, muffled into his shoulder. Then, she whispers, “I just didn’t know. Thought you just knew that you were the shit.” This gets a small chuckle out of him, warmth filling his chest as he holds onto her, her small arms wrapped around his shoulders. She buries her face further into the crook of his neck, and Joel sighs deeply, knowing that Ellie is the most precious thing on this planet.
After a moment more in the embrace, they pull away slowly. Joel looks at the floor, sighing, and smooths his hand over you and Ellie’s knees.
“I love you two more than anythin’.”
“And we love you, too.”
Joel sighs. “I know.”
“Not enough, though.” You tell him, folding your hand into his and squeezing it. “Like Ellie said, you're the fucking shit.” You smile, though there’s still the upturn between your brows and wetness in your lashes. “And you deserve to be shown that.”
Joel sighs, looking back at the floor. “I don’t want this t’… mess everything’ up, I want you guys to have your fun,”
“Oh, we can’t stop having fun.” Ellie smiles, “But it’s not fun without you.” Joel smiles back with a small chuckle, squeezing her knee. She puts her head on his shoulder and sighs. “We love you, Joel.”
“I know. An’ I love you, too.”
A silence falls, a blanket of calmness, but it feels warmer than ever. Though he broke down in front of both you and Ellie, he’s relieved that he did. Honesty is freeing. It’s all out on the table, and the only thing he got out of it was love. No anger, no shaming, but kindness, care. Love.
As he sits, a contented smile raises to his lips. He feels the warmth of his family. He sighs. His family.
—
Coming home from his last late night shift of the week, a tired Joel stamps his snowy boots on the mat inside the door, breathing out a relieved sigh. The house has felt warmer ever since the heart-to-heart the other night.
“He’s gonna love it.” Comes your voice from upstairs, raising his curiosity, so he hangs his jacket and starts for the stairs.
“I hope so.” Is Ellie’s quiet reply, but he can still tell it’s coming from his room.
When he walks in, you flip your heads around, Ellie’s hands on a frame being hung on the wall across from him.
“Hey.” He says, confused.
You turn to him with a smile, “Welcome home, Joel. Ellie has a surprise for you.” Ellie attempts to smile, but is obviously shy. She finishes hanging the large frame and steps back, eyes staying on Joel.
Instantly, he can recognize what it is, and his breath hitches. On the wall is a pencil sketched portrait of him. Almost in shock, he walks closer. The likeness is amazing, but still with the penciled brush of her distinctive style. “Damn, Ellie.” He says quietly, trying to keep composed. “This is amazing, sweetheart.”
“That’s what I said.” You say, a smile in your voice. “I guess she’s so used to seeing your face so much she’s pretty much memorized it.”
That hits home.
“Thanks.” Ellie replies, still shy. He glances at her, then pulls her close to his side as he looks back at the drawing, unable to keep his eyes off of it.
“When did you…”
“It took a few days.”
“Ellie…” tears start to well up in his eyes, so he clears his throat. “Damn.” He sniffles.
“I’m glad you like it.” She replies, face squished against him with her arms wrapped around his middle.
“I love, baby girl, I love it. I love it.” He kisses her head, squeezing her tighter. After another moment of staring at the piece, he looks down at her, met with a smile, and he chuckles at the remaining shyness, tickled at the idea that she should be anything other than extremely pleased with herself. This little girl is talented. “Thank you.”
“You're welcome.” She replies, smile widening.
He looks back at you then, at the smile on your face, pride in Ellie, adoration at the moment he’s sharing with her. “C’mere.” He says, offering his other arm out, and you oblige almost with haste, laying your head on his shoulder with his arm around your waist.
“It really is amazing, Ellie.” You tell her.
“Took me a few days, and a lot of erasing, and swearing, but I think it turned out alright.”
“Alright,” Joel chuckles, “Ellie, I—” when his eyes find the ghosted outline of that scar hidden in his hairline, he can’t finish his sentence, the start of a sob catching in his throat. He sniffles and sighs, rubbing her arm. “Damn. Means the world to me, Ellie.”
“Well, you mean the world to me.”
He looks down at her again, but all she does is press her cheek into his side. He half chuckles, half sniffles again, chest full to the brim with gratitude and joy and love. The feeling of being loved.
You both love him, and he knows it, he does, but it’s been foggy. But this gift from Ellie, knowing how hard she worked on it, and that she didn’t even need a reference, she just knows his face, is just something else.
He can get in his head about things, you’ve helped him to realize that, but he hasn’t quite gotten the hang of getting out of it.
But this does. He sees his graphite reflection, coming from Ellie’s loving little hands. He’s important. He means something. His purpose and meaning is love, it’s family, it’s you and Ellie and Tommy.
And everything everyone has done to try to help him see it. Tommy’s urging, Maria’s wisdom, your care and concern, and Ellie’s work.
Reflecting on it, the love becomes more and more clear.
All the smiles he sees from you Ellie, her first impulse still to laze on him in the couch, the touches and kisses from you as natural as the air itself. Tommy, able to read him like a book, nearly begging him to stand up for himself, because Tommy thinks he deserves better. Maria stepping in, not to scold, but to empathize. Your immediate amends, the tugging of his arm. Pulled in by the ones he loves every day.
Whether he thinks he deserves it or not, the most important people do. And he has it. It would be foolish to push it away. And he just doesn’t need to anymore. He has his home here. And he wants it more than anything. And he’s earned it. So he’ll take it. In Jackson, what else is there to do but live in this love?
In his graphite reflection, he sees the love that belongs to him, and feels the warmth of it at his sides.
#the last of us#the last of us hbo#the last of us fic#the last of us fanfiction#the last of us joel#the last of us joel miller#the last of us x f!reader#the last of us x female reader#the last of us x reader#the last of us ellie#the last of us ellie williams#tlou#tlou hbo#tlou fanfiction#tlou fic#tlou fluff#tlou joel#tlou joel miller#the last of us fluff#the last of us hurt/comfort#tlou hurt/comfort#joel miller tlou#joel miller the last of us#joel miller fic#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x reader#joel miller x female reader#ellie willaims#daughter!ellie williams
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Heyy can you write something spicy with Chameleon or Cabernet from path to nowhere 🥹 love your works ♥️
It was a pleasant and stormy night, the wind and the rain is music to all ears, you and cabernet got invited to a fancy party and of course at first you didn't think too much of it it was just gonna be a party... At least you thought it was.... You and cabernet sitting nicely, cabernet drinking a glass of wine while you were closing your mouth trying to cover up the noises you were making
"Ssssshh~ you don't want anyone to know right? Where's the fun in that?~"
Cabernet's been jerking you under the table for the past half and hour, Cabernet's keeps eyeing you back and forth enjoying the torment she's been giving you until now you can't help it anymore, she's currently interacting with someone unaware the situation happening under the table and you gave her dress a little tug
"Huh? You okay man?"
The guy said
"Ooh, Chuckles don't worry about him, his probably just a little pent up right now~"
Man she was enjoying this too much, both of you quickly walked away from the party room to an empty hallway where you immediately push her against a wall earning a seductive smile from her
"Aww~ what's wrong my love~? Can't hold it in any longer?~ "
"I swear why are you like this...."
"Chuckles it's not a crime to play with my sweetheart right~?"
You know she wasn't gonna confess and without a second thought you immediately bit her neck earning a quiet breathy moan and you immediately pulled her panties down onto the floor, carrying her in your arms while still locking her onto the wall
"Oh my, I didn't think you could be this feral~"
M!Reader : you...
You immediately pulled down your pants revealing the hard on she's been tormenting, you didn't care anymore if someone sees you two... Neither was her...
Cabernet : Chuckles so aggressive~
She can't help but to tease you even when you're overpowering her
Cabernet : Y-Yes! Y-Yes!~ F-fuck....
You didn't hold up, you started thrusting inside her without holding back like an animal in heat and she was the prey that's enjoying it
Cabernet : H-hehe~ C-come on Y/N! You–Aah~! You want t-this Right puppy?~ Auugh~!–
M!Reader : S-shut–Aaaugh fuck! shut up...
Cabernet : Mmmm~ someone's mad~–Aah!~
Cabernet wraps her legs around your waist tighter making you enter her even deeper, you nuzzle on her neck while she wraps her arms around your neck giving you her body to pleasure you and her
You were completely lost in the pleasure and so was she with the noises both of you are making, thank goodness you drag her far away from the party room
"Give it to me...~" fuck... The way she whispers into your ear makes your mind go blank...
Cabernet : give in to your desire puppy~
You start thrusting faster and start holding and gripping her ass as leverage making her give into her lust more
Cabernet : Aaah~! AAagh!~ Oh my, very hand–AAhh~! H-handsy aren't you~
M!Reader : I'm–Nngh!~i'm not letting you go..
Cabernet : Of...Ngghh!~ Ofcourse~ I'm going anywhere~
Half an hour has passed, the party still going on thank goodness no one tried searching for you two and both of you are still going at it until you can't hold it in any longer
M!Reader : Mmgh! C-Cabernet... I....–
Cabernet : C-cummin– Aaaah...!–G-gonna cum?~ hm~?! come on... Cum inside me! Give me everything sweetheart~
M!Reader : Fuck... Fuck–Aaahn!!~
With a final deep thrust, you cum inside her painting her walls white
Cabernet : AAAaaah~!! O-oh god!~
You pulled your length out seeing your cum leaked out of her and even got some on her dress but she didn't even care...
Cabernet : Pant... Oh my dear...Pant
You placed your head on her chest and feel the warmth of her hand patting your hair gently surprising you a little
Cabernet : Pant.... Chuckles goodboy~ you did so well for me~ you deserved that reward sweetheart~
You can't help but blush at her... Even when she was teasing you the entire time you can't help but feel so comforted by her words
M!Reader blushing : Pant.... T-Thank you...
Cabernet : Chuckles Aww~ you're just so adorable my love~
#male reader#ptn x reader#reader x ptn#ptn#path to nowhere x reader#reader x path to nowhere#path to nowhere#cabernet x reader#reader x cabernet
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hii, I had made a request earlier but idk if you had got it, so I'm writing again just to be safe.
earlier I had a thought about how would Andrew be with a overly affectionate younger brother(reader)...? Like Andy and said younger brother would be cuddling on the couch watching some shitty movie Ashley had put on and she keeps glancing over to keep tabs on Andy and their her older siblings, knowing she can't do anything about it. So later that night when Andy gets his "nightmares" he crawls into his younger brothers bed while he's still awake because he can't sleep, so reader starts teasing Andy, and they take it from there 🤭
notes from coff-in: I DID GET YOUR PREVIOUS ASK AND IM KEEPING IT FOREVER!!! /positive what's better than incest? therapy and gay incest. LET ANDREW AND ASHLEY BE BI OR SOMETHING PLEASE!!! sorry. i'm losing myself rn, please enjoy what i have cooked up. this is also a ramble, i'm in a rambling mood rn
[masc] reader-insert, [reader] is younger than ashley by about one year, NSFW, incest, dry-humping
omg imagine if andrew liked boys :3 that's it send tweet. i wonder if andrew would have conflicting emotions about his feelings towards his brother since that's his brother you know? like, especially if he still has his incestuous feelings towards ashley, would he feel bad if he had them towards [reader], too? god, he is such a sis/sibcon. just some food for thought you know? (especially if he's dating julia around this time, omg. he goes on dates with julia while thinking about ashley or something and when he's at home he's getting real close and comfy with his baby brother-- poor julia)
i think an overly affectionate (especially physically) little brother would be kinda perfect for andrew. he definitely shows his love threw physical touch whether it's playing with his hair or holding his hand or pulling him close. there's also that added layer to their dynamic that they're both boys/guys, there's nothing wrong with them being shirtless or naked in the same room with each other and such. andrew could brush off their closeness as just them being brothers, this is normal for them cause they're brothers, nothing weird about this at all.
ashley being jelly of her baby bro is so silly to me omg. she presses herself to andrew's other side while they all watch a movie together but she still glances at andrew's arm draped around [reader], playing with his hair, or how [reader]'s probably laying his head on andrew's lap. ashley's not mad (maybe a little concerned because if andrew is exclusively attracted to guys that could be an avenue of control she loses access to) but she's letting it be known that she wants attention too.
later that night, [reader]'s in bed probably just staring at the ceiling or listening to the clock tick by to try to go to sleep. he looks over and sees andrew standing above them and he automatically lifts up his blanket to welcome him under. andrew encompasses [reader] in his arms and holds himself close to him while [reader] teases him, "do you need your little brother to help you sleep? poor andrew, it's okay. i'm here for you." and then, AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN
[reader] places a little kiss on his cheek. "there, there. all better, see?"
andrew is just like "wh-what the fuck? you can't just--" "why not? it's just a little kiss on the cheek. moms and dads give kisses on the cheek in movies." AAAUGH!!! love them love them love them. the cuddling turns into like a light makeout session, with [reader] and andrew kissing each other anywhere BUT the lips. just light pecks here and there, you know like brothers do.
time passes of them doing this and it evolves into rubbing against each other. at some point whenever andrew lets go and just fucking admits that he's a little incestuous freak (non-derogatory) he just starts humping [reader]. first while they're laying next to each other spooning but one point he gets on top of him and starts humping him like a dog, "ah- ugh- good boy... fuck..." "doesn't this feel better, andrew?" "yeah... it feels- uhg-- much much better now."
im absolute shit with dialogue but please see my vision, i beg of you. also thank you for bringing this to me. this was honestly so delicious
(no joke while writing this i was listening to an audio from reddit about a femboy little brother being used as a substitute for his big brother's girlfriend and OH MY GOODNESS)
embrace and indulge
----
coff-in
#cobweb in the coffin#tcoaal#the coffin of andy and leyley#andrew graves#tcoaal x reader#the coffin of andy and leyley x reader#andrew graves x reader#i just pop off when writing incest idk why
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The people are wonder, what are your 4 favorite countryhumans ships?
OKAY SO this is actually really hard. so im gonna actually do 8. but split in two. so 4 for romantic ships and 4 for platonic ships. because the list changes depending on the context.
romantic
1. soviet/third reich - THESE TWO MAKE ME INSANE OKAY their dynamic drives me mad. i have so many thoughts on these two its crazy. if i actually tried to type out my thoughts i would never get this post out.
2. russia/germany - sorry for being basic. but the fandom is right. rusger goes hard as fuck. theyre literally soul linked or some shit. their families are forever intertwined. it makes me sick. love them.
3. germany/poland - ANOTHER GERMANY SHIP in my defense hes like the best character. and gerpol goes so hard. theyre so interesting. poland hates him so much for what his family has done to him but germany is just so… different. so fragile. so weak. hes not like them hes so much more. god they are so interesting.
4. soviet/america - OKAY THIS WAS A HARD PICK but i have a soft spot for sovame. its like rusame but 10x better. do you see the vision. AAAARUGHH ENEMIES TO RIVALS TO LOVERS COLD WAR ADDITION WHEN??????? I LOVE GAY PEOPLE!!!!!!!! RIPS MY SHIRT APART WITH MY BARE HANDS RRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
platonic
1. CANADA/AMERICA CANAME AMERICAN - I FUCKING LOVE TGEM SO FUCKING MUSH THEIY MAKE ME NAUSIOS THEYRE TGW BROTHWRS EVER FUUUUCK i fucking love america and canadas dynamic. they make me so so very ill. i love them dearly. brothers… punches the floor in agony. AAAAARRUGHHHH
2. germany/austria - this ones a given. theyre practically attached at the hip half the time. austria cares so deeply for germany its crazy. he feels like its his moral obligation to make sure germany doesnt lose himself in his own head. they make me ill. aaaugh ger is his beloved……
3. america/mexico - worlds worst roommates. they hate each other but in the way you hate your best friend. they annoy the fuck out of each other but mexico always makes sure to make extra food for ame. and ame always indulges in mexicos dumb interest of the week. and they were roommates.
4. bangladesh/nepal - i have no idea what the fuck is going on with them but MAN i have feelings. theyre besties okay? normal guy and his weirdass mountain monster friend. best friends.
I HAVE SO MANY MORE SHIP I LOVE I CANT PICK MAN if you asked me my favorites tomorrow i guarantee the list would change. im a multishipper at heart. i love putting characters in a box together and shaking them around. FUCK PICKING MY TOP ONES IS SO HAAAARDDD
except for caname. that one will forever be my top favorite platonic ship. i love them dearly. brothers.
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TMNT Fandom Family Reunion - Campfire event || short story
Based off of these tags below from this post (tags belong to Allyheart707, their tumblr tagged below)
You thought you could hide these there and I wouldn’t notice? ✨️
Cabin 10 - the besties
Little Subjects - @allyheart707
The Wrong Side of the Portal - me!
@tmnt-fandom-family-reunion
--------
Heishi was not someone who took breaks.
He fought, he thought, he planned, he trained, he was on the lookout- the little slider was always doing something.
Anything at all.
Don't stop.
Just so he wouldn’t be seen as weak, or a waste, or-
Just to hopefully make his Master proud. Just to be enough. Just once. That's all he wanted.
Keep going.
But as if that hadn't been hard enough before, these other three stupid turtles made it so hard!
Like seriously?! Sitting around a stupid campfire listening to stupid stories and making those stupid snacks that actually tasted amazing- aaaugh Heishi no!
He shouldn't be liking those snacks. They weren't healthy. They made him weak.
Weak.
Heishi refused to be weak.
...Yet, against his will, he was still roasting a marshmallow above the campfire.
Mikey had pushed one into his hands- heck, he had even invited Heishi to join him and the other two, but the young warrior had simply huffed, shook his head, crossed his arms, and looked away. He shouldn't be here, he had things to do! Like train! Or anything! Just more! He had to do more!
Not enough.
Curse the other big Raph for managing to convince him to stay.
"Say, none of these guys have had any training, right?" The big Raphael had said, watching as his own version of Heishi- who he kept calling 'Leonardo' was handing Mikey a s'more. "And there's a lot of new people here... so wouldn’t they need a tough warrior to keep an eye on them? Just in case they got into trouble?"
...Well.
If he was stuck here anyway. He might as well keep watch.
Keep working.
It wasn't the best thing to do, but... it wasn't the worst thing either. Heishi liked these guys.
Currently, both Mikey and Donnie were asleep, leaning against the log they had been sitting on earlier with a blanket tugged around them. Raph sat on said log, having been dozing off but woke up when the other Raphael tried to tuck a blanket around him too. "Go back to sleep, kid." The big one whispered, patting his shell. Raph, however, slowly shifted his gaze to look at Heishi.
"...Leo." The snapper whispered, holding out am arm sleepily. The slider scoffed.
"Heishi." He corrected.
"Leo."
"Heishi."
Even though he acted annoyed about the name, 'Leo' didn't feel as bad as it should. Which just made poor Heishi feel worse. Why did the name sound right? He didn't want it to! Master Draxum would be so angry at him for disrespecting the name his creator had given him-
"Don't you feel tired, bud?" The big turtle asked- he wasn't the same species as Raph. He didn't even have freckles- he did have a crack in his plastron and wore a red bandana. "It's late."
"No." Heishi shook his head, stubbornly facing the fire, ignoring the other three tots completely. "Warriors don't sleep. Need to keep watch." Even if his eyes were drooping. Even if he felt exhausted. He had to keep awake and finish the job he had been assigned.
Try. Harder.
"...Ah-ha." Raphael looked a bit confused but didn't argue. He wasn't as nice as Raph. "...Aren't you like- four?"
Excuse me? "No! I'm big!"
"Five?"
Heishi huffed, puffing out his cheeks and glaring in an attempt to look angry- but in Raphael's eyes, he just looked stupid. However, there was something else...
This was familiar.
"...Alright, bud." The turtle decided- and for a brief moment, he looked at 'Leonardo', so fast Heishi almost missed it- but he noticed. Why did he look at Leonardo like that? Why did he give that same look to the tiny slider? "But you do know you need to be close to those you guard, right?"
...What? Heishi looked up, confused. Raphael nodded, a serious expression on his face.
"Come on, every warrior knows that." He said, placing both his hands on his hips. "How are you supposed to protect those you guard when you're far away? Evil will get to them before you can!"
Humans.
Heishi had never heard of such thing before- Master Draxum never told him. So. Was Raphael lying? But Raph didn't lie. And Raphael was Raph. Just from another world, but older. So Raphael wouldn’t lie either, right? Did that mean master Draxum hadn't taught him something? But why?
'Well duh.' His mind supplied. 'He probably thought you weren't ready for such a responsibility! You fail all the time!'
This was Heishi's chance to prove he could do something.
With a newfound determination, the young turtle nodded and got up. This caused him to remember he still had been roasting a marshmallow- and cringed when he saw how burned it had gotten. Raphael patted his back- that felt nice. Why did it feel nice-? "I'll get you a new one, kiddo, just sit down."
Heishi nodded, threw the marshmallow on the ground, and held the stick in front of him as some sort of sword as he marched over to where his brothers the other three turtles slept. He could do it! He would do great! Because he was Heishi. The greatest warrior of them all!
He saw down, stick in his lap.
He wouldn’t fail. Not this time.
.......
.........
...........
Okay this was boring.
Heishi yawned, shook his head, then looked at the fire. The fire was pretty. It was bright, warm, and... so cozy. And useful. For keeping warm, for cooking...
...Okay. Those marshmallows were not as bad as the young turtle had claimed them to be. He hoped the other Raph would bring more soon he actually wanted one. Plus! Food is important! To grow big! And strong! It wasn't his fault that that happened to be sweet treats.
...Not like Master Draxum was there to tell him no.
A soft murmur had him looking to his left- Mikey shifted slightly in his sleep but didn't wake, holding a bit more onto Donnie, squishing his cheek onto the other's shoulder. Heishi couldn't help but snicker. But he yawned afterward and leaned his back on the log behind him.
...Actually... now that he wasn't sitting up anymore... he was pretty tired.
But- no! He said he would watch over these guys! That's his job! He couldn't just abandon his job. No way!
Try harder.
But he was so tired.
Not enough.
Tiredness didn't matter! This place was new. He didn't know anyone. Who knows what kind of dangers there were lurking around?
Failure.
But the campfire was cozy. Everyone was laughing and talking. There were blankets and marshmallows shared everywhere. Best of all- barely any humans at all.
So.
This place couldn't be that bad, right?
His eyes drooped, and the little turtle looked up at the ceiling, trying to think.
...The ceiling was pretty.
Colorful, sparkly, glittery- were all caves this pretty? And dreamy. And soothing... and...
He hadn't even been aware that he had been dozing off until an arm wrapped around him.
Heishi blinked his eyes open (when had he closed them?) Surprised to see Raph- his Raph, (just barely) awake, no longer sleeping on the log but now sitting in the floor next to him, trying to pull the young slider close. "You looked cold..." he murmured, pulling the blanket and clumsily trying to cover Heishi with it too.
For whatever strange reason, the younger turtle didn't push him away as he should.
Instead, he let Raph pull him into a hug, just like when he had done in the lab. Curling up in his lap on instinct, his tail doing a little wag when he felt the older one's arms wrap around him. Raph put his head on top of Heishi's, blinking slowly, while lifting his knees- causing Heishi to snuggle closer to the snapper. That was fine. The slider nuzzled into his neck. This was nice.
...Maybe Heishi wasn't watching over them right because he was tired?
He yawned, and snuggled closer to Raph. The snapper shared his blanket with him, making sure he was fully covered before leaning back. The blanket was thin and soft. So soft.
So... if he was messing up because he was tired. That meant he should sleep, right?
"Sorry it took so long, kid, apparently someone tried to take the marsh-...oh."
"Shh." Raph shushed above him, pressing his fingers to his lips. Raphael nodded, unsure what to do with the marshmallows now. Sad. Heishi had wanted some- but he was sleepy. He would take some tomorrow, then, he was already drifting off.
At some point, a second blanket got thrown over them- Heishi opened his eyes a little bit to see his own counterpart, 'Leonardo'- the one in blue smiled gently once they made eye contact. "Go back to sleep, baby blue." He whispered- Heishi didn't understand that nickname. He should ask tomorrow, once he was awake. He instead hummed for now, relaxed, and fell asleep for real this time.
But not before he felt arms tightening around him, and hearing the softest 'Goodnight, Leo.' whispered to him that he ever heard, while another, bigger hand, patted his head.
#not my best work sadly but passing out as we speak✨️#wanted this done before the event ended qwq#tmnt#rottmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt fandom family reunion#the wrong side of the portal#little subjects au#rottmnt leo#rottmnt raph#tmnt raph 2012#tmnt leo 2012#tmnt ffr campfire stories event#cabin 10 the besties#cabin 10#I hope I didn't get them too out of character qwq#let me know if anything needs to be changed and I will once I can!#i am overthinking this#oh well✨️
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Lore Post//
It was close to midnight. Rui stayed up late to do some machine sketches. But really, the reason he was staying up so late was because he was still worried about Nene. He hasn't seen her since Mizuki died. He was getting worried.
Nene...be safe...
He was lost in his thoughts when his eyelids felt heavy. He slowly gave in and fell asleep.
He wakes up to an...unfamiliar place.
Hng...w-where am I...?
Rui gets uo and looks around. He recognizes this place as a backstage to a stage. But from where?
What is this place...?
Rui's ears then catch something. Music? Singing? He approaches the stages entrance, and peeks at the stage. On the stage were three robots. He could only recognize one of them. Tsukasa. One of the others was pink and the other was blue.
Daisy! Daisy! Give me your answer do! I'm half crazy! All for the love of you!!
It won't be a stylish marriage!! I can't! Afford! A carriage!!
Suddenly, Tsukasa's head snapped and it looked at Rui dead in the eye with void eyes.
Gah-!
But you look sweet.
The other two robots did the same.
Upon the seat.
Then the audience joined.
Of a bicycle built for two....
....what's going o-
Rui felt two hands on his face.
You're perfect...you need to join them! You must...join them.
Join us Rui Kamishiro.
...!!!
Then fingers digged Rui's skin.
No..
They dragged it...
No no no...! Stop!!
And ripped his skin apart.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! AUGH!!! AAAAUGH!!!! IT HURTSS!!!!
Suddenly a huge, hard force hit his head.
AUGH!!!
Rui was able to look up. Only to see a girl holding a hammer.
S-STOP!
The girl hit him again.
AAAAUGGH!!!
And again.
AAAUGH!!!
Again.
AUGH...Stop...stop...
The girl hit the final blow.
Rui was in so much pain. But he felt it slowly go away. He looks up to see he was in a pitch dark place with only a mirror in front of him. Rui shakily got up and went over to the mirror. When he looked at it, nothing was there.
Where am I....?
When he spoke, his eyes widened. He sounded very distorted. Almost...robotic. Rui placed his hand on the mirror only to be met with his own reflection. But it was different. He wasn't the same anymore. He wasn't RUI anymore. He was met with a robot version of himself. Rui was shocked. He placed a hand on his face, only to feel a hard, metalic surface.
....!!! No...no...
AAAUGH!!!!!! Huh-?!
He wakes up on his desk.
Heavy breathing...
Rui?! Is everything okay?!
T-Tsukasa...? Oh thank goodness...it was just a nightmare...
Oh...Night-mare! You mean like...dream but homicidal?
...yeah.
Well...don't stay up so late!! If you want I can sing you a lullaby to sleep!!
No need...I'll get to bed myself...
...Must've been a wild dream...?
Yeah...
Hm...
Tsukasa looks at the clock. It was close to midnight.
It's almost midnight! You should sleep!
I will Tsukasa...I will...
I'm just wo-...wowiowowowriiiiied!!!
Oh god you're getting all wacky again!!
Sororosoaoeoryyrroeoairory!!
Don't talk will ya... turn around so I can fix it.
BLEGH!!
Tsukasa threw up black ooze. It also came from his eye. The one with the star.
Bleeegh!!
Oh god...it's even worse now!
R...Ui...uii...!!
Hang on! Hang on! I'm fixing it!
Aauugh....it hurts...
Done!
The ooze stops leaking.
Blegh! Ow...
You good?
No...
Sigh...well...I'm going to sleep!
Can I sleep next to you? I-Incase you get a nightmare again!
...sure.
Tags: @aspenii @bobcross1010 @blankblyke @mizuribbons @mai-mai-mai @kusanagi-nene-official-mod @kiwi-does-stuff @scodscod @delartz @m3sm3r1s3r-m1ku
#//mesmerizer I didn't know you changed your user name I'm sorry I tagged the worong person I'm so sorry pookie 😔#project sekai#rui talks#robokasa#robokasa talks#lore post
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Barcus moaned, his body tensing as Wulbren's chest pushed against his back. It was always like this. For some reason, he was never allowed to face his partner, but he stopped asking why a long time ago. Instead, he gazed down and swallowed as Wulbren's hand pumped up and down his shaft.
"Spread your legs wider," he groaned. "Your knee's in the way."
Barcus obliged, his cheeks bright as he moved his legs further apart, has ass brushing against the table as he instinctively bucked his hips. He couldn't help himself, chasing each stroke as if he worried it'd be the last.
"Augh..."
"You're close," Wulbren grinned. "I can tell. I can always tell."
He tightened his grip, causing Barcus to whimper. He always knew exactly how to touch him, and exactly what to say. As his cock throbbed, he arched back, resting his head on Wulbren's shoulder.
"Oh gods!"
"Yes, that's it. Almost there." He pumped faster, being sure to rub his thumb around Barcus' sensitive tip, making him squirm.
"Ah! W-Wulbren!"
He chuckled as he brought his lips to the older gnome's ear. "Don't tell me you're leaving me, Barcus. Say it's not true."
Barcus grit his teeth, his eyes squinting shut. "W-Wulbren... please. I'm sorry. I—aaaugh!"
The hand pumped harder, faster, a second one reaching down and cupping his balls. At that Barcus gasped, his eyes rolling back and toes curling. His cock had always been small, even for a gnome, but that only made it easier for Wulbren to manipulate.
"Hold it in. That's the deal. If you cum, you stay in the Underdark."
Barcus shook his head, his balls scrunching with a warning of his impending orgasm. He couldn't tell if Wulbren was serious, but his tone certainly conveyed amusement, whether intentionally or not. He knew Barcus wouldn't be able to hold out, the tension building with every stroke.
"Nnngh! Ah!"
"Don't do it, Barcus. You'll lose everything."
Barcus moaned loudly, every inch of Wulbren's hand enveloping his throbbing little member. He squeezed and rubbed it so perfectly, so intently, his foreskin adding to the sensual friction. That was Baucus' favourite thing about Wulbren—his hands. They were soft and steady, but also rough and textured, hitting every nerve with unfair precision.
"Augh! Wulbren!"
"Don't do it."
"I can't! Aaaaugh!"
His cock spasmed, shooting load after load of thick gnome jism across the table, staining the wood. It always felt good, but that night it felt better than usual. Perhaps because it was mixed with sorrow, or perhaps it was the way Wulbren's thumb teased his delicate hood. Whatever the reason, the pleasure trounced him in an instant, his legs flailing as his cock rippled with ecstacy.
Wulbren grinned as he kept pumping, peering over Barcus' shoulder to admire his handiwork. He was relentless, milking the older gnome's climax as long as possible, squeezing every drop from his tender tip, until he finally went limp in his arms. Satisfied, he turned Barcus sideways and laid him against the table.
"Well. It seems you lost the wager. I guess that means you'll be saying. Right?"
Barcus whimpered, barely able to lift his head. He needed time to recover, and Wulbren gave it to him. After what felt like forever, he slowly sat up, his arms trembling as he leaned against his knuckles.
"Wulbren, please... come with me. I think we could really make something of ourselves up there. A home. A future."
"What?" Wulbren stepped back, a look of disgust painting his features. "You can't be serious."
"I am! We could open a shop together. With your leadership and my expertise, we could become the most celebrated alchemists in Baldur's Gate."
"How can you say that?" he hissed. "When gnomes are seen as lesser by so many in that city? Yet you'd serve them?"
"Better than scavenging around down here, waiting for the duergar... or a pack of drow to attack and enslave us."
"So you'd really just run away? Abandon your home? Your people? Your kin?"
"Wulbren, please. It's not like that. It's just... after our village was pillaged, I couldn't—"
"Don't." Barcus paused, Wulbren's eyes burning with a fury he didn't dare exacerbate. "I lost everything too, my baby sister included."
Barcus flinched, his guilt mounting. "Wulbren, you cannot imagine how sorry I am. But if you'll only listen—"
"But I refuse to run away, especially to a city where those damned Gondians are favored by the populace!"
"Not this again," Barcus winced. "Wulbren, please tell me you haven't been fraternizing with—" He dropped his sentence. The glint in Wulbren's eyes confirmed his fears. "Wulbren... I've begged you to stay away from the Ironhand Gnomes. They're a bad bunch."
"You don't know anything, Barcus."
"I know plenty!" he argued. "I know they're devious, power-hungry, and sadistic. Their... 'cause' isn't for the good of gnomekind, it's only for themselves."
"Lies!" Wulbren clenched his fists, his shoulders stiff. "They're inventors! Loyalists! Freedom fighters! Everything those thrice gods damned, thieving rock gnome parasites wish they were!"
"Wulbren... do you hear yourself? Those gnomes are gnomes, just like us."
He grit his teeth. "They are nothing like us, Barcus. If not for them, we might still have a place in the city. If not for them, the Ironhand clan's reputation wouldn't be—!"
"Enough!" Barcus' voice jittered as he looked away, his pulse racing. "Enough, Wulbren. Please. This... feud has gone on long enough. And what has it accomplished, hmm? Nothing. Nothing at all. The Ironhand Gnomes say the Gondians stole from them, the Gondians say the Ironhand Gnomes slandered their work..." He rubbed the bridge of his nose with a sigh. "But only our ancestors know what truly transpired, and the Ironhand Gnomes made their bed when they pledged allegiance to Sarevok Anchev." He sighed, shaking his head. "What a tragically sordid affair."
Wulbren fell silent, his rage apparent, but restrained. As he stewed in his violent thoughts, Barcus shimmied to the edge of the table, hanging his head, his hands folding into his lap. For a while, neither spoke, the hostility in the room almost too much for the older gnome to bear.
"That hatred will destroy you, Wulbren. Just as it destroyed the Ironhand Gnomes in the first place," he finally said. "If you really want to restore your clan's reputation, then come with me. Do it the right way. With patience and kindness, and a little hard work."
Wulbren scoffed, audibly, but he didn't respond. He kept his eyes on the floor, his body seething.
"Please, Wulbren. Let's not leave things like this. If you really want to restore people's faith in the svirfneblin, come with me." He held out his hand, longingly. "Let's show them that we're more than a militant group. More than our mistakes. We can make a positive impact, without bloodshed."
He smiled, hoping and praying that the man he cherished most would reach out, take his hand, and choose the path of dignity. Their friendship had endured so many hardships, so much pain. They had been together since they were children. Surely this couldn't be the end.
"I'm not going with you, Barcus. I can't." Wulbren frowned, crossing his arms as he watched his friend's soul break into a thousand pieces. "And you're a fool for suggesting it. I thought you knew me better."
Barcus gasped, his stomach clenching. "Don't... don't say that, Wulbren. Please. I do know you."
"No, little Barcus. You never have."
Barcus' face flushed, his throat collapsing. That wasn't true. He knew Wulbren blamed everything on the Gondians, but he'd started to turn on everyone lately, even his own mother for not seeking revenge.
Blinking rapidly to keep from crying, he reached across the table to his backpack, then pulled out a familiar amulet. Though wounded by Wulbren's comment, he forced a smile and held it out, pushing it against his chest.
"I made this for you," he said. "In case you rejected my offer." Wulbren frowned, but accepted, taking the amulet into his hand. "It's the symbol of our friendship. A reminder that you're never alone. And that if you ever need my help, I'll be there."
Wulbren stared at the amulet for a moment, then growled, slowly crushing it in his fist. With a horrified gasp, Barcus went to stop him, but suddenly his anger faded. Without a word, he opened his palm, the amulet undamaged, and gave Barcus a smile that was almost too convincing.
"That's very thoughtful, Barcus." He stepped closer, pushing the older gnome down on his back. "I'll have to give you a parting gift as well."
With a grin, he pulled a coarse, wool cloth from his pocket. Then, without any warning or preparation, he tightly wrapped it around Barcus' soft and tiny cock.
"W-Wulbren, what are you—?"
He cut him off, sliding his hand up and down while gripping the cloth, moving it in tandem with his bizarre ministrations. But the pleasure was instant, Barcus' cock pitching after only a few indecent strokes. He cried out, his head arching back as his teeth clenched and eyes squinted shut. The tightness of the fabric created an almost claustrophobic sensation that only served to heighten his arousal.
"The texture really is something, isn't it?"
"Ah! Ugh!" Barcus moaned loudly, unable to hold back. "W-Wulbren! Ughn! What is that?!"
He thrashed against the table, increasingly lost in the sensations coursing through him. Whatever it was, it felt incredible, the crude weave rubbing into his sensitive skin, pulling his cock painlessly.
"Displacer leather. Bristly, but supple. A true marvel of contradiction."
He gripped Barcus' cock a bit harder, earning a guttural wail. He always knew exactly how to touch him. How to make him squirm. How to make him scream. And poor Barcus was naturally so tender. The surprisingly violent up and down sent neddles of pleasure through his cock, his balls clenching.
"Wulbren! Ah! I'm going to cum!"
"I'm aware."
And he did, crying out as a flood of white burst from his core. But Wulbren kept going, squeezing the tiny gnome's cock a bit harder. Barcus screeched, the sensation going from pleasant to painful. He tried to kick Wulbren off, but his legs were too weak.
"Shut up, Barcus. Just deal with it for a few seconds and it'll feel better than ever."
Barcus shook his head, writhing on the table as Wulbren's arm flexed. Tears welled in his eyes, drool rolling down his chin. It didn't feel like seconds, but at some point the pain did come to a grinding halt, replaced by a pleasure Barcus could only describe as celestial.
On the cusp of insanity, and pure, unadulterated ecstacy, he looked up, meeting Wulbren's gaze, but he saw something foul looking back. Something cold. It wasn't passion or worry or love, it was anger. This wasn't a parting gift. It was promise that no one else would ever be able to make him feel this good. And with his crippling sexual anxiety, Wulbren knew he'd never trust anyone else to try. He'd only ever been with Wulbren. He only wanted Wulbren. No one else mattered, and no one knew that better than Wulbren himself.
Barcus' eyes flickered as he realized the truth. This was a punishment.
"Wulbren... you—aaaaaugh!"
As reality hit, his mind suddenly scrambled. A flash of white, followed by a pleasure so intense, he wasn't sure if the accompanied scream was silent or too loud for his ears to process. It felt amazing. Rabid, even. His cock twitched and spasmed through every wave, stream after stream of hot, sticky seed gushing onto his chest and stomach.
And then, for a moment, he blacked out.
When he opened his eyes, he could feel his body shaking, his muscles quaking with the aftershocks of post-orgasmic bliss. He wasn't sure how long he'd been out, but Wulbren's hand was still wrapped around his now hypersensitive cock, his semen still warm as is rolled down the tip of his shaft. It took a while for everything to come into focus, his chest heaving as he tried to recover, but when it did he noticed the crease in Wulbren's brow. The emptiness in his expression.
"W-Wulbren..." He took a deep, laboured breath, his head reeling. "I..."
The younger gnome said nothing, carefully unwrapping the cloth like a bandage, and that movement alone was almost too much. Barcus moaned as the material clinging to his cock pulled away, revealing a deep shade of red, his member swollen and convulsing. Everything about it felt savage and delightful.
So why did his heart hurt?
Something wasn't right. With a grunt, he tried to sit up, but a torrent of pleasure rushed up his spine and caused him to fall back, his mouth hanging open and fingers scratching against the wood beneath him. His entire body melted under the pressure, enraptured by the sensations that hadn't yet subsided. But tears welled in his eyes.
"W-Wulbren, please..."
His vision blurred as his friend turned away, slipping the amulet he'd been given into his pocket. Not around his neck, but tucked away, out of sight, as if insulted by it. Again Barcus tried to sit up, but again he failed, falling back with a moan. His cock felt like it was burning from the outside in, throbbing with every beat of his heart and pulsing with every breath he struggled to take. It felt amazing, as if he'd been branded by a fiery hot iron that left an imprint without damage.
He knew he would never be the same again.
"Goodbye, Barcus."
Without another word, nor a hint of forgiveness, Wulbren suddenly left the old gnome laying limp and exhausted on the table, ignoring his desperate whimpers as he closed the door behind him.
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Signing Back In, Apparently - 1
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*contains shipping*
“Hey, Scar, you alright? You’ve been locked in there all day yesterday, and you didn’t even come out for breakfast! Y’know, Scott was over and brought us a couple treats, I thought that maybe..” Sausage continued on, but Scar wasn’t in the mood to keep listening. The pain in his back rippled from its starting point in the middle, all the way up to his neck and down to his thighs. He was sick with pain, and he certainly didn’t want to eat. No different position, stretching, walking, anything , could relieve him. All he could do was lay down in the dark and wait for Mumbo to stop sulking.
“Bad flare up. I’m fine. Just need to rest,” Scar choked out through gritted teeth, forcing a smile despite the fact Sausage was on the other side of his door.
“You don’t want any company?”
“No.”
“You sure?”
“ Yes. ”
“Well, I’ll leave you to it then. Feel better soon, Scar!”
Scar waited until he heard the heavy footfalls of Sausage’s boots leaving before he dropped his smile, releasing a long, pained breath. He was so aware of his teeth in his mouth, tingling in ways that weren’t painful, but deeply uncomfortable. He felt every nerve in his lower back fire up and buzz in waves, traveling further than seemed fair. Scar hadn’t considered this before deciding on a plan to wipe out his old crew. Live or die. That’s what he was prepared for. Not this. He glared at Mumbo, or rather, his ghost, laying next to him on the ground, blank eyes fixed on the ceiling. Mumbo’s own form was in quite a state of disrepair as well, drifting apart in pieces lined by the orange cracks that splintered through his body like shattered glass.
“What’s your problem?” Scar slid his head over the side of his bed to stare down at Mumbo on the floor, “Are you just going to sit and mope for the rest of your f-aAaugh-” Scar crumbled as an intense wave of pain spasmed through his lower back, stealing his breath. When the pain eased, Scar looked back to see a small smile on Mumbo’s face.
“Does that make you feel better? Seeing me like this?” Scar growled, but his anger only fueled the fire of his pain. He took a deep breath.
Mumbo spoke despite the fact Scar couldn’t hear him and gestured with a cracked hand, ‘So-so’
“I guess anyone could’ve seen that coming,” Scar sighed, settling back down in bed. It hurt. He turned onto his side. That was worse. He rolled onto his back, and then onto his stomach. There was no getting comfortable. At least with Mumbo somewhat appeased, the pain had eased slightly. After about ten minutes though, it was back to unbearable levels. He moved back to look at Mumbo.
“What can I do to get you to leave me alone. What do you want? The rest of your crew is probably having fun plotting my imminent death, why don’t you hang with them?”
Mumbo’s head tilted to face Scar’s, eyes narrowing in passive thought. The ghost tried to sit up, making a frustrated pouting gesture when several pieces of his upper body stayed on the floor. Maybe, another day, Scar would have laughed. But now, he only watched, daring to hope.
“Right,” Scar grunted as Mumbo seemed mostly put back together, but shrunk back with an aggressive point from the ghost, “Guess I’m not in a place to be impatient, but I hope you understand,” Scar forced a smile, but it broke quickly with another spasm of pain. He buried his face in his mattress, muffling his own whimpers. When he could breathe again, he opened his eyes to see Mumbo pointing to something on his shelf. He buried his head back into his bed.
“Not the stupid- no. I am not doing the ouija board with you. I’m not giving you that power over me.”
Mumbo did not move.
“Anything else! We all saw what Pearl did to Kyle when the Kestrels got me that as a joke. Those scratches still haven’t healed! It’s hard enough trying to convince them ghosts aren’t real or haunting me or- come on!” Scar couldn’t crush the desperation that slipped through his tone, but the threat of his pain destroyed every facade. Mumbo wouldn’t care. Scar had given him every reason not to.
Mumbo furrowed his brow and spoke, enunciating clearly so Scar could get a reasonable idea of what he was saying. ‘I’m not Pearl.’
Scar had no choice. Mumbo moved to let him through as Scar left his bed, eyeing him with intense focus. Scar couldn’t help feeling like a prey animal under scrutiny like that. He stopped at his shelf to look at his door, biting his lip.
“You won’t call them, will you? I don’t know how these things work.. I don’t want all four of you at my neck.”
Mumbo shook his head. Scar wasn’t sure he could believe him, but he couldn’t dwell. At this point, maybe dying would be better than the rest of his life spent in this pain. He took the ouija board from the shelf, setting it gently on the ground. Fear bubbled up in his stomach, and he didn’t know anymore if his shaking hands were solely caused by weakness and pain. Mumbo sat across from him, gesturing for Scar to begin. Scar put his hands on the planchette.
“Right then. What do you want?” His voice failed when he tried to force any ounce of authority through it. As Mumbo’s hands slid over his, he felt them, solid and real. Mumbo seemed surprised as well, letting out a small gasp of shock. A gasp Scar heard.
Scar yelled, scrambling backwards from the ouija board. His heart raced- his heart - he was alive. He was okay. Mumbo looked up with wide eyes, hands still resting on the planchette. When he spoke, Scar couldn’t hear him. Ah. Good..
“You can touch me.”
Mumbo gave him an exasperated look, nodding. Scar didn’t need to hear him to know what he wanted. ‘Now come back.’
He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to. But desire to ease the fire in his back outweighed any amount of fear he felt. Scar scooted back across from Mumbo, who moved his hands so Scar could place his own down first. Mumbo’s were solid. Cold. It was a cold that crept all the way up his body, from his fingers to the tips of his hair. As it washed over his back, he felt a deep relief. The pain wasn’t gone, no, but it didn’t feel important anymore, like it had suddenly been placed into the background of his senses.
“This is weird,” Scar managed, closing his eyes. His own voice sounded distant as well, but the fear that had gripped him had been washed away with his pain. He was relaxed. For the first time since he reached the faction isles, he didn’t feel the looming threat of vengeful ghosts. Ironic, considering he was sitting across from one of them. He opened his eyes again when Mumbo squeezed his hands, and startled when he saw him speaking. No sound.
“What? Why can’t I hear you?” Scar said, squinting.
“I don’t know!”
Both of them paused, staring.
“What’s happening?” Scar’s voice was flat. Mumbo looked just as confused. He opened his mouth as a test, speaking slowly, as if the ability might be taken from him at any moment.
“I think.. you have to ask me questions. Makes sense with the ouija board I guess. We might be able to touch each other because of our connection? This definitely didn’t happen with Pearl and Kyle.. not that she waited very long before trying to maim him..” Mumbo trailed off, closing his eyes, “I feel so warm.”
“I feel cold. It’s.. it’s really nice.” Scar hung his head lightly, reveling in his relief. Mumbo squeezed his hand again. Oh right. Questions.
“Back to it then. Clearly you wanted to talk, so..” Scar stopped, distracted by a wave of nostalgia. He had always enjoyed the proximity of the Boatem crew; close as friends, but also the way they had held hands and hugged and enjoyed each other’s company. This- communication between him and the dead- this wasn’t even supposed to be friendly; this was business ! But company the same. Scar shook his head. He burned that bridge. He escaped. But.. until now, he didn’t realize how much he had missed this.
Scar gritted his teeth, struggling to choke down emotion welling up in his throat. Just because the ghosts of his old crew hadn’t moved on, didn’t mean he needed to dwell. He wondered absently if he had to be touching the planchette to keep in this state, where his physical needs were suspended. A state where ghost crews and pain didn’t matter. His body moved before his brain could consider itself, shifting one of his hands slowly out from under Mumbo’s palm and sliding his thumb over the top of his old friend’s hand. Mumbo flinched, pulling the same hand away and grabbing Scar’s wrist. He gasped, trying in vain to pull away from Mumbo’s grip.
“You’re stronger than you were before,” Scar breathed, another wave of cold washing over him. He hadn’t realized it could be better. His back- even his eye and his throat and his stomach- every discomfort he’d been cursed with for all these months seemed to fade into a distant memory. He felt Mumbo’s nails in his arm, and realized he had forgotten to ask a question. “What was it.. you wanted?”
Mumbo’s gaze flickered back and forth from Scar, indecision flashing across his face.
“I don’t.. what are you doing, Scar.” There was no question in Mumbo’s voice.
“I’m not sure. When you touch me I feel cold. It’s a good cold, it takes everything away. It makes me feel.. above it all,” Scar paused, remembering last minute to finish with a question, “How does it make you feel?”
Mumbo’s lips parted, looking quite startled. He furrowed his brow, clearly thinking of how to put it into words. “I forgot what it was like to feel warm. It’s something I’ve imagined.. dreamed about even- not that I sleep but- it feels like I’m alive.”
“I want to be colder. I don’t want to feel anything at all,” Scar veered forward, eyes alight with wild excitement. Mumbo jumped at Scar’s sudden proximity. Scar felt his breath. Mumbo’s breath. “Do you want to feel alive?”
“What are you asking, Scar?” Mumbo’s voice raised with Scar’s own, looking more frightened than Scar had seen him in a long while.
“I want to kiss you. I want this to consume us.”
Scar couldn’t hear what Mumbo said next; he hadn’t asked a question, but he got a pretty good idea based on the alarmed expression on his face.
“I know. I know. It’s crazy. But what’s stopping us? Grian and Pearl and Impulse- they don’t have to know. We don’t have to take it any further- I don’t even know if we can. I don’t care. I just want your body on mine.”
Mumbo opened his mouth to speak, but once more, no words came out. Apparently he had to end with a question, but he didn’t have time to ask before Mumbo was kissing him, hand still gripped tightly around his wrist. It was so delightfully cold. He tried to lift his other hand, still resting on the planchette, but Mumbo’s own pressed firmly on top of it, as if to say don’t let go .
“Well either you better release your hold on my wrist so I can pull you closer, or move in,” Scar mumbled against his cheek, letting Mumbo’s cool touch sink in. He was hungry for it, he needed it , and he’d do anything just to feel out of his own, broken body. Mumbo let go, allowing Scar to drag him in.
No one’s lips had ever tasted sweeter. No tongue more enticing than his. It was everything and a beautiful nothing all at once, and Scar never wanted to let go. He didn’t need to, he didn’t even need to breath-
Mumbo broke away panting, eyes wide as he put his free hand to the rise and fall of his chest. “Shit, that’s.. what‘s wrong?”
Scar stared. That wasn’t right. This wasn’t right. “I didn’t.. I didn’t ask you anything. I can hear you.”
“What? No way! That’s awesome!”
But when Scar started to respond, Mumbo didn’t react to his voice, caught up in his own excitement. Mumbo didn’t.. hear him. Scar yelped, fear shattering the trance. Mumbo’s eyes widened as Scar started to pull away, coming to the same conclusion just too late. Scar’s second hand left the planchette, and all at once; the heat, the pain, all of it , slammed back into him. He laid on the ground, eyes shut tightly. He breathed. He was breathing. His back ached. Scar opened his eyes to see Mumbo staring, looking equal parts concerned as he looked disappointed. But Mumbo didn’t look sad. And Scar’s back wasn’t throbbing anymore.
“Ah. Good deal then?” Scar sat up as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened, and reached to lift the ouija board from the ground. Mumbo blinked in alarm, reaching forward only for his hand to pass directly through Scar’s. Mumbo spoke, words flying from his mouth rapidly, but as usual, Scar couldn’t hear them. Scar smiled to himself as he put the ouija board back onto the shelf.
“You liked that, did you?” Scar turned back, pleased to see Mumbo looking very embarrassed. As well as a lot of other emotions, he was sure. Scar had plenty of his own thoughts, most prominently, oh no. “Well I liked it too,” Scar said, forcing a grin. Mumbo gave him a mortified look. He dropped the smile and turned his attention back to the ouija board on his shelf. “Geez. This won’t work. So we’re definitely keeping this between us, right?” But when he turned around, Mumbo was already gone. Well, that checked.
Scar closed his eyes, allowing himself to linger in the moment. To live in a world where he would ever be able to do that again. But, no. His old crew hated him. Mumbo hated him, as he should! Scar had moved on, he was done with them. Just because he’s stuck with their ghosts, doesn’t mean he had to be stuck in the past too. So what if he was stuck with their damn curses? He would cope. He always did. And anyway, with Mumbo in a better mood, maybe his back pain wouldn’t be a problem for a while.
#hermitcraft#pirates smp#grian#goodtimeswithscar#impulsesv#mumbo jumbo#pearlecentmoon#pirates smp kestrels#p!scar#redscape#hermitshipping
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Happy birthday! My brain is like a boiled potato, so the quality isn't perfect, but I tried my best to write you a little birthday gift! May you have a lovely day!! 💖
Gifts and words of congratulations had been exchanged with laughter and joy as the day passed much too quickly, and yet as the first stars of the night began to twinkle in the sky, you found yourself swept away as Lust took your hands and twirled his way out of the room; you kept close as giggles erupted between you both.
He’d been an absolute delight throughout the whole day, greeting you with breakfast on the bed in the morning, a lunch at your favourite café at noon, a wonderful dinner picnic held atop the hill overlooking the ocean, and finally, a superior evening with friends where cakes of all types had been served. Truly, Lust had done his best to assure that this day had been the most wonderful for you yet, and you couldn’t see how it could become any better than this.
As you walked onto the balcony with him, you came eye to eye light with Cross, who stood nervously beneath the fairy lights. He’d been working to ensure the day had been perfect as well, though he’d preferred to stay in the background whilst Lust took the reins. However, now, when it was just you three, he regained some confidence as he relaxed his shoulders and allowed his eye lights to roam over your body.
“You look stunning,” he said, and although he might have mentioned it earlier today, it still made you blush.
“Thank you, Cross. You look quite handsome yourself,” you said, though laughed a little as Lust gave you a pouty but cute glance. “And so do you.”
Lust grinned as he pulled you further along, stopping only once the three of you were together. Cross brought your hand up to kiss your knuckles, and as he pulled you and Lust in for a warm embrace, he kissed the both of you softly, lovingly. And once it ended, Lust did the exact same thing, causing butterflies to form in your stomach as both of these silly skeletons didn’t spare any expense to shower you with love.
“Happy birthday, my love,” Lust said, giving your cheek an extra little kiss as he nuzzled in against Cross’s broad chest together with you once you all settled down onto the outdoor sofa.
“Happy birthday, my heart,” Cross added, kissing the top of your head before getting comfortable against the pillows cushioning his back.
Your throat felt tight as you laid with them both, comfortable and warm by their side as the day slowly came to an end. Their arms were around you and keeping you safe, and as your eyelids felt heavy with sleep, you finally allowed yourself a moment to relax and fall into a blissful sleep; knowing you’d wake up with either Cross or Lust carrying you inside and towards bed.
WH WH VALACRE HI!!! 🥺⁉️‼️ valacre wrote thing,, for Me,, ,??
[reactions under the cut]
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lusttt 🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕💜💜💜 // awh hes so sweet!!!
!!whZHDBWHSHCCROSS IS ALSO HERE // WWWAAAA THEY WORKED TOGETHER IM-!!! 🥺💜💙💜💘💘💘
AAAUGH THEYRE BOTH CUTE WWAITTTT 😭😭😭
😳😳😳
WWRAUGHHH MAHAL KOOO MI CORAZONNN /WAILS/ 💘💘💘 // (i dont think im ever going to recover from C calling me that, ohmylord /lh)
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Valacre this is very lovely, thank you,, 🥺🥺🥺 you took ur time to write this for me and i appreciate it lots thank u thank youuuu
(´;ω;`)💙💙💙
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aaaaaagh why am i always the one who gets assigned the most complicated animatics
#the other two kids have like. two or three frames for one shot at best and im here with like#six frames!!!! lets goooo orz#well. at least tomorrows a red date head in hands#on the bright side i guess that means they trust me w the harder work but also AAAUGH i wanna cry
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Ann's body shudders she groans under her fast breath softly not giving any chance, she doesn't want them to notice since her office workers are the one thing she hates, she speaks gripping at her desk "I h- hate th- these ff- fucking goddam perverts.. hnnghh, haaghh" The head pops out between her crossed thighs and she hisses, out trickles small tears, firmly holding her belly.
She hears a hard squelch, the baby slowly pulls her legs apart as she squeals, squinting her eye fighting against the pain and the urges "Huggh, Nnkkk! Oh s- shit... The heads pulling me apart" She tightens her legs fighting against the head and it pops forward spreading her aparts and moving between her legs, it stops being pulled back by her panties, pushing it back burning her pussy "ngaaah, ouu, no please~ It h- hur- ttssss gnnkh, aaaugh~" she roars out long soft groan.
She pants slowly swaying her hips bringing her desk closer, she starts typing laboriusly hearing footsteps close in. Her entitled boss came by to check in "So Ann my little plump girl toy" Her hand goes across the fabric of her pencil dress rubbing her belly "You doing fine, dollface?~". Ann whilst fighting pain, resisted to try and to smack her boss but instead spoke demandingly "Yes. I'm.... a- aalright ma'am" Her boss laughs.
She then asks "Stand for me will you, we're in a cubicle after all" Ann look her in the eye and had stood up slowly, the head slowly slides out, Ann the responds "I'm fine so may I please ger back to work" Then Ms. Laura got weirdly close.
She grabs Ann's shoulders and rubs her belly then moves her hand to her back, she then pressed down on her laboring belly. Ann hits her hand off holding her belly, looking her in the eye slowly panting, Laura walks up to her and peeks up her skirt "Hmmp, I see so this little bastard is the problem" She grabs the head and pulls it out making Ann grunt, she pushes her away falling on the carpeted floor on all fours.
Ann slowly got up, holding her belly "What do you want.?" Laura says "I'm the only one here who deserves good treatment!" Ann infuriatedly tolerated holding in the baby dangling it's head. "I am the only one who can labor in here, I did myself long ago so I'll make it so you get fired if that little brat is ever born!" Ann was not allowed any other job than this being overqualified, it was not something she wanted to happen at all.
As Laura spoke she got close pressing her knee against the head, Ann pushed her away and in Ann fashion being petty sat down, stopped the meeting, smirked and looked at the clock as she said "It's the end of my shift isn't it" She got up and looked at Laura "That was an online call, the CEO was there" She ripped her skirt and panties letting the head fall, as she did pushing Laura and bore down hard pulling the baby to her nipple as she said "That's my wife, Röta" Her wife walked over saying "You're fired, GET OUT"
Laura walked away crying as Röta sat next to her wife hugged her, kissing her lips looking at their child smirking in joy of gay motherhood.
#birth kink#painful birth#labor#labor kink#pregnancy#pregnant#pregnant kink#pregnancy kink#labor and delivery#birth fic#birth story#giving birth#birth denial#birth#birth fiction#labor fic#pushingbabybackin#public birth#pushing
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~Back In The Game~
~Chapter Twenty-Eight~
-Series Masterlist-
What happens when a girl who loves volleyball joins a boys' volleyball club? Does she find love? Will she relive her past or move forward? Join (L/N) (Y/N) on a journey with fun twists and turns.
I don't own Haikyuu or any of the characters.
-Last Time-
“We’re ready to play!!” The two exclaim together.
“...” Ukai watches as Hinata and Kageyama regroup with their teammates. “Sensei.” He says getting Takeda’s attention. “Those two.”
“Hm? Do you mean Hinata and Kageyama?”
“Yeah. They from the same middle school? Wait, it has to be earlier. The same elementary school then?”
“Oh no. They met at the beginning of this very semester. At first they didn’t hit it off at all. In fact, I hear it was pretty rough…? Ukai-kun?”
“...Now that was cold.”
“Huh?...?”
-Small Timeskip- [Score: Municipal Team-20, Karasuno-18]
“Heh! Not bad, kids. Not bad!” Shimada says as one of his teammates tells him it’s his serve. Shimada uses a jump float serve. The ball is heading toward Hinata. He gets ready to receive the ball but at the last second, it swerves in a different direction. Hinata dives for the ball but ends up face-planting onto the floor.
“Bwah Ha Ha! Check that out!” Shimada laughs.
“Someone sure is being mature.” Takinoue comments sarcastically
“Hmmm? What was that?” Takeda asks. “It didn’t seem like a particularly powerful serve from here, but…”
“It’s called a Jump Float serve.” Ukai interrupts with the answer. “You can do one without the jump, just from a standing position. The point is to hit the ball so it has no spin. That way when it’s in the air it’ll wobble erratically, curving or dipping unpredictably.”
“Oh! So it’s like a knuckleball in baseball! Interesting!”
“You can do it in soccer too. They even still call it a knuckleball, though they don’t use their hands. By the way, depending on the ball used in the game, it’ll move differently. The one we’re using today is a type that won’t swerve much…”
“Wait! Wait! Let me write this down!” Takeda says scrambling for something to take notes with.
“Do it again, Shimada!” One of the players encourages as said man serves again. Tanaka tries to receive it but fails due to the ball wobbling. This continues.
“That’s four in a row.” Ukai comments.
‘Gee, thanks, coach.’ You think sarcastically.
“That rookie pair might have a mean quick set, but everybody’s receiving sucks.” Ukai continues. “Especially the rookies.” The whistle is blown indicating that it’s the Municipal Team’s match point.
“Time to wrap this up!” Shimada declares as he serves once again. The ball flies toward Daichi, who receives it and passes it to Kageyama. The setter compliments his captain with a ‘Nice pass.’ Hinata runs to the net and jumps.
“You won’t get past us this time, shorty!” Takinoue exclaims as Ashai, another teammate, and he jump to block Hinata. Kageyama sets the ball to Tanaka, who is in the air on the other side of the net.
“Oops!” Asahi says as he follows the ball with his eyes.
“Gah!!” Takinoue looks at Tanaka.
“Hi there!!” Tanaka says. “Didja miss me?!” He asks as he spikes the ball, completely unmarked. Noya receives the ball, sending it to Suga as he gets praised.
“Suga!” Asahi calls for the ball. Suga smiles and calls to Ashai as he sets the ball to him. Hinata rushes to Asahi and jumps to block him. Asahi spikes the ball with so much force that when it hits Hinata’s hand he flinches. You wince and watch as the ball hits the floor earning the Municipal Team a point. This point secures them the second set win, in turn, it secures them the game. As the Municipal Team celebrates, Tanaka goes to Hinata.
“AAAUGH!! Hinata, I’m sorry, bro! I was totally free and clear on that hit too!” He says, hitting his forehead.
“N-No, that’s okay.” Hinata replies.
“Still, that was pretty awesome. You had them completely hooked! I’m almost kinda jealous. Couldn’t at least one of them mark me? I felt left out!” Tanaka then lowers his voice. “I’ll be counting on you next time too, bruh!”
“!! Y-Yes, sir!”
You walk over to the two.
“Hey, guys!” You say as they look at you and smile.
“Hey, (Y/N)!” Hinata greets happily.
“You guys did amazing! Hinata, that last rally was great. The way you pulled their attention was fantastic!” This causes the boy to blush. “And Tanaka, that spike was amazing and powerful!” Tanaka freezes before falling to his knees and crying about how their Angel praised him. “Oh! Hinata. Are your hands okay?” You ask, grabbing his hands to look at them. Hinata’s blush increases massively. “Ashai’s spike was really strong and I noticed you wince so I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“Y-Yeah. I-I’m okay.” Hinata assures flustered. You inspect his hands for a second longer before letting them go. Hinata is slightly disappointed, even though he was extremely flustered, he likes the feeling of your hands touching his.
“What about me, Angel?” Tanaka whines holding his hands toward you. You look at his hands and tell him he looks okay. “She said I look okay!” He celebrates. ‘Okay…’ You think. You look over to the Municipal Team and begin speaking.
“Alright guys, I’m going to go congratulate the others. See ya!” You wave, walking to the other team.
“Bye!” Hinata says as Tanaka is still freaking out.
“Excuse me.” You say walking to the original members of the Municipal Team, since they separated from the high schoolers. They stop to look at you.
“Yes?” Shimada replies.
“I wanted to congratulate you guys on your win. You all played amazingly.”
“Thank you…” Takinoue begins.
“Ah! I’m sorry! My name is (L/N) (Y/N).” You say bowing embarrassed.
“Nice to meet you, (L/N)-chan. I’m Takinoue Yusuke.”
“Nice to meet you too Takinoue Senpai.” You look at the other men waiting for them to introduce themselves.
“I’m Uchizawa Hidenori.”
“Mori Yukinari.” He says pointing to himself.
“And I’m Shimada Makoto.”
“It’s nice to meet you Uchizawa Senpai, Mori Senpai, Shimada Senpai.” You say looking at each man. “Shimada Senpai, your jump float serves were amazing!”
“Thank you, (L/N)-chan.”
“Please, (Y/N) is fine.” You smile at the four. Ashai, Suga, and Noya are talking which catches your attention. The four notices. You turn back to them. “If you’ll excuse me.” You bow. “It was nice meeting you Senpais. Congratulations again!” You say walking to your teammates.
“Suga! Asahi! Noya!” You get their attention.
“Hey, (Y/N).” Suga greets happily.
“Hey, (Y/N).” Asahi greets.
“Hey, Angel!” Noya says.
“Congratulations you guys! You all did amazing!”
“Thank you!” They all say.
“Suga, your setting was spot on! And Ashai, great spikes! Especially the last one! And Noya, your receives were phenomenal. That last one was just…wow!” They all blush and thank you. “I’m really proud of you three.” This shocks them. “I know I haven’t known you guys for very long and I may not know the full story, and may never, but seeing you three play together was heartwarming. Sure, at first it was a bit rocky and awkward but after you called for the ball that first time…” You look at Ashai. “...everything seemed to fall right back in place.” All three of them look at you in shock. “You guys looked so happy playing together after that. I can’t wait to see all of you guys play together. It’s going to be…I don’t know the right words but I can’t wait!” They stare at you, lost for words. You look between the three, and suddenly feeling embarrassed, you speak. “Well, I’m going to go talk to the others. See ya!” You walk away with a slight blush.
‘Wow…’ They think simultaneously while blushing. ‘She’s too sweet…’
-A Few Minutes Later-
“Man! I don’t get half of what happened, but ain’t the glory days of high school great?” Shimada says to Mori. “Call for the ball, Ace,” and all that. Oh, to be that young again!”
“Yeah, yeah! “As long as you’ve got me, you’re the greatest.” I wish I coulda said that in high school.” You look over to see Kageyama and Noya blushing. This causes you to giggle, only making it worse.
“You bet! You kids sure made us old farts feel extra old tonight!” Takinoue exclaims happily.
“Um, w-we’re sorry.” Suga apologizes.
“Naaah, it’s okay. There’s still a rawness to you guys…but once you all start working together, I wouldn't be surprised if you go places.” A huge smile spreads across your face.
“Thank you so much!” Everyone says at once.
“No prob.” Takinoue replies as the four men leave the gym.
“Right. First and foremost…receiving.” Ukai says addressing everyone.
~To Be Continued~
#haikyuu!!#haikyu x reader#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu imagines#daichi x reader#sugawara x reader#hinata x reader#tanaka x reader#tsukishima x y/n#yamaguchi x y/n#~back in the game~
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