#aaaaaah also gotta send an email

[firebirdsdaughter]

Random Writing Guess What…

… New fandom???

I’m gonna actually holding off on tagging this as Hakuoki atm bc… I dunno. I’m scared of bringing my particular brand of odd to the tag (I say, about an apparently incredibly historically accurate yet fictional dating visual novel about samurai vampires…), but… Here we are.

Look, this is Sunagawa’s fault, if the man weren’t so goddamned good at acting, I wouldn’t be here.

Or maybe I would. Who knows.

Actually, @fluttering-by, bc this is also your fault (affectionate/grateful).

~I’m trying desperately to find a replacement for the horizontal line and failing~

“You lied to me.”

The words aren’t so much angry as hurt, trembling slightly—Miki’s shoulders were taut, but more in the way of nerves, huddling into himself rather than readying for a fight. He hovered by the end of the table, one hand by his side, anxiously pulling at the hems of his sleeves absently, the other fidgeting on the hilt of his sword. He was looking more at his boots than Koudou, an odd appearance on one as tall as he was, with a katana in his sash—and yet, when he felt the doctor’s gaze on him, he looked even further down, biting his lip.

Koudou sighed deeply, straightening up from the table, setting the bottles he was had been looking through aside and wiping his hands off before turning to face the young man. “It wasn’t a lie. It is merely a process.” Miki said nothing in reply, his hands merely tensing even more, teeth sinking further into his lip. He truly was so easy to read.

In a few measured steps, the doctor came level with the young man and reached out, tucking his hand under Miki’s chin gently to tip the young man’s face back up. The very first time they had met, when he had reached out like this, Miki had jerked away with a proud glare—now the young man didn’t move back at all, allowing Koudou to lift his head up to reveal unguarded, confused, and wounded eyes beneath his bangs. The nights spent tending to the Miki’s transition into a Fury, wiping the blood from his mouth when needed had apparently won him over. He had taken miraculously well to the basic kindness, combined with honest praise for being such a successful test—where Miki had once maintained a brash and arrogant veneer, Koudou was now privy to the gaze of an insecure, innocent young man filled with desperate pleading. Underneath the spiky shell, he was such a simple soul, longing for worth and guidance—when dangled before him, he scrambled eagerly for them like an abandoned puppy.

When Koudou smiled at him with practiced warmth, that naive eagerness blossomed, waiting to be reassured. The doctor remained silent for another moment, gaze flickering over Miki’s face for a little longer. “… Have your injuries healed completely?” He didn’t need to feign the concern in the question—the young man was the most successful, responsive specimen he had ever had; losing him would be a significant setback he could not afford.

Miki hesitated for a moment, put off by the change in subject, but eventually nodded slightly, chin bumping against Koudou’s hand. The doctor gave him a quick once over just in case, slowly lowering his arm—although the young man hadn’t been one for deceit even before letting his guard down, it was best to be sure—and was satisfied with the response. There were a few remnant marks from mostly-healed wounds, but no actual damage. Good; what he needed to do today was going to be rather… Invasive, and he preferred that Miki be in full health for the procedure.

The young man’s gaze turned curious. “… Why?”

“Like I said, it’s a process.” He made certain to hold Miki’s wide-eyed gaze the entire time. “Thanks to you, I’ve already found a method of mitigating the energy consumption.”

The young man watched him with more uncertainty than he had before—but not enough for concern. “… What is it?”

The question wasn’t new, either, and he was already giving another smile of studied reassurance before the words had finished leaving Miki’s lips. “There now,” When the young man looked away nervously, Koudou brought his hand back up to hold Miki’s chin once more, gently turning his face back forward. In a last second addition, he brushed his thumb over the young man’s cheek briefly, noting how Miki’s head tilted slightly into the touch, eyes darting back to the doctor’s face, “You trust me, don’t you, Saburo?”

The silence that followed was longer than it had ever been before, but Koudou wasn’t terribly concerned—he could still plainly track every thought that ran through the young man’s head, displayed clearly on his face. There was some hesitation, but nothing strong enough to make him think Miki would refuse. The young man was desperate, both for worth and for the means to avenge his family—a raw, determined, consuming rage fuelled by grief that Koudou easily recognised as kin to his own. They were like spirits, in some ways—enough that he knew Miki would never back down from the promise of a chance to achieve his goal. One of the things besides his uniqueness as a test subject that made the doctor almost… Fond of him.

At last, the conflict in Miki’s eyes dissipated, and the telltale nod came, the young man’s chin tapping against Koudou’s fingers once more. The doctor gave him another soft smile, releasing his face and turning back towards the table. “Put that aside, please.” He instructed, lightly gesturing to Miki’s katana. He heard the sound of cloth and motion behind the sounds of him readying supplies. Turning back with the appropriate cloth and bottle in hand, he was unsurprised to find the young man had obeyed, the sword leaning against the wall. Yet another pleasant trait—finding a cooperative subject was almost as rare as finding one that took to the procedure as well as Miki. “And you should sit down.” He didn’t look up from the precious task of pouring the liquid onto the fabric, but again he heard the rustle of silk as the young man sank down onto the straw mat covering the corner of the room, next to the futon. Another good thing—it would be best to not have to move him too far. He really needed to see about finding a new exam table.

Putting away the closed bottle, he took the soaked cloth in his hand, crossing the room in measured steps to kneel behind the young man’s shoulder. Miki was staring either at the floor or his hands in his lap from lowered lids, biting his lip slightly, still a bit tense. Well, in a fashion, this would help with that. As a forewarning, he reached up and gently smoothed his free hand over the young man’s hair, noting the instinctive start at the sudden touch. Lingering for a moment to be sure Miki was calm, Koudou’s hand drifted to the back of the young man’s head, fingers tangling slightly in his hair for grip. Then he raised his other hand to set the cloth over Miki’s nose and mouth.

The young man stiffened immediately, resisting on impulse, but the doctor’s hand tightened on his hair, pulling Miki against him to keep the cloth over his face. “Shh… It’s alright… It’s alright…” He doubted the words were understood, but that didn’t matter—what was most important was a level tone, “Just breathe… Take deep breaths…” He positioned his arms around the young man to contain him, combing his fingers through the small tangles in Miki’s hair as if to sooth a panicky animal, continuing to murmur softly. The young man continued twisting a bit, hands grasping instinctively at the doctor’s arm, but he managed to maintain enough control to not actually pull hard enough to dislodge the cloth from his face. It took effort—Koudou could feel him trembling, and tears began to well in his eyes, catching in the lashes.

The doctor drew him even closer, folding over him a bit, counting silently as the young man struggled to take slow, heavy breaths. “Do not be afraid, Miki Saburo,” He whispered, smoothing his hand over Miki’s hair in a steady, constant rhythm, in time with each inhale and exhale, “You are my greatest success—I would never cause you unnecessary pain.”

At long last, Miki blearily mumbled something, and his eyes finally closed over the tears brimming in them. The word was muffled by the fabric, and the way his head lolled sideways as his body went fully limp, pressing his face into Koudou’s chest, but… It sounded like ‘aniki.’

Koudou held him for a little longer, running a hand over his hair a few more times, more slowly, until the young man’s breathing levelled out completely. Once he was satisfied Miki was completely under, he slowly unwrapped his arms from around the thin shoulders, tossing the fabric he’d used into the laundry. In the next moment, he guided the unconscious form in his hold over to the futon, cushioning the young man’s head on the pillow carefully, with the same attention he had bequeathed to injured animals in the past.

Under anaesthesia, all the anger and frown lines in Miki’s face smoothed out, easing the weariness that the rage and grief had added to his appearance. The tears that had been partially formed in his eyes were smeared across his cheeks, dripping onto the bedding, leaving small stains in the cloth. When not standing tense like a tightly coiled spring, his body was slender, delicate—all awkward angles and youthful softness.

He looked… He was… So young. He couldn’t be much older than Chizuru—two or three years, at most. Barely more than a boy.

Somebody’s child, whispered a voice in the back of Koudou’s mind, as he watched Miki’s tear streaked face, somebody’s son.

A softness he hadn’t felt in years gathered in his chest as he watched the young man—the boy—sleep. Under the influence of the chemicals, there were no twitches or movement—if not for the languid rise and fall of Miki’s chest and the fact that he wasn’t quite pale enough, he could have passed for a corpse. Another child caught up in a conflict that had been brewing for long before he was born, one that would likely destroy him.

Koudou sighed, closing his eyes for a moment to collect himself. There was no purpose to these lingering emotions—he had no use for them, they served no purpose to his goal. He might not savour using as innocent a soul as Miki, but he didn’t have a choice. Not when the boy was the foremost amongst all his attempts. A pity, yes, but he couldn’t lose so precious a specimen.

Opening his eyes, he took one last deep breath, then reached out to brush the wayward strands of hair away from Miki’s face. He’d wasted enough time—he needed to get to work. He had been able to brew a brand of chloroform that was sufficiently effective on Furies, but it didn’t last forever, and there was much to do. His posture shifting back into professionalism, he leaned further forward to arrange both the boy’s arms straight at his sides before getting to his feet and turning back towards the rest of the lab, to fetch his bag. It was time to get to work.

~I’m trying desperately to find a replacement for the horizontal line and failing~

Yeah, have I mentioned I MISS THE HORIZONTAL LINE BRING IT BACK TUMBLR I SUFFER.

Anyway. I. Uh. I finished a thing.

Bc by the by I love this musical/game/thing now. It has soothed my frustrations so much. I’m gonna now go and listen again bc I’m starting to get kinda salty and it is like the magical ‘Detox the Fire’ button. Or maybe that’s just Sunagawa singing.

[ain-t-bovvered]

15x09 Commentary PART 1

Bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)

@smol-and-grumpy​ (Nat)

@dean-winchesters-bacon​  (Kat)  

@waywardbaby​  (Zee)

@ain-t-bovvered  (Giulia)

Nat : alright you all set?

Giulia: One moment. I gotta pee

Nat : ugh

Zee: Jesus Giuls

Nat : pee through your eyes

Zee: Soon

Giulia: K im set

Nat : alright

Nat : go

Giulia: Oooh are we getting jack again

Nat : Why do we have to watch it again

Zee: Because

Zee: Let’s go to purgatory

Nat : 12 hOuRs

Giulia: Hate this

Zee : Oh here we go

Nat : He could have put the thingy tighter around Sam

Nat : hElPiNG

Giulia: COME ON

Zee : Come the fuck on

Giulia: damn it

Zee : Good guy

Giulia: ASSHOLE

Zee : Yes Eileen

Nat : BeCauSE YoUR sUCh a GoOd GuY

Giulia: WEAK

Giulia: yuck

Giulia: STOP

Zee : No

Nat : Shut up

Zee : I do t wanna

Nat : my god

Nat : oh

Giulia: snort

Zee : The eyebrow is up there

Giulia: Definitely in trouble

Nat : Can he stop his face

Giulia: Also did u catch misha fumbling with the shellcase lol

Nat : I was distracted

Giulia: DON T TOUCH MY BOY

Nat : "It might get messy"

Nat : hah

Giulia: god knows everything

Giulia: U dick

Giulia: Bye dean

Nat : That happens when they can't swear

Zee : The music isn’t good

Nat : Because Dean would obviously say "dick" of course

Giulia: Chuck you fuck

Nat : you sick fuck

D: Whatever. We need to go.

C: To Purgatory.

D: Chuck has Sam. I'm not leaving him.

C: Chuck's not gonna kill him. That's not the ending.

Giulia: That’s not the ending

Nat : How do you know CAS

D: Wh... Then he'll torture him.

C: Dean, will you stop?

Giulia: Being so stupid

Zee : Tell him cas

Giulia: Snort, ok cas

C: If we attack Chuck now, we don't have anything that can hurt him. We get that Leviathan blossom, complete Michael's spell, build the Cage. That's our chance.

Giulia: Oh cas

Giulia: My bb

Giulia: Taking charge

Giulia: Delicious

Zee : He can’t do it

Giulia: AH he afraid

Nat : WEAK

S: But when it's time to get your hands dirty, you can't do it. You just like to watch.

Nat : W

Nat : E

Nat : A

Nat : K

Zee : Sam’s sass gives me life

Giulia: PATHETIC

Zee : Pathetic

Giulia: OF COURSE

Nat : UGH NO

Giulia: WHAT AN ASSHOLE

Zee : No

Nat : CHUCK YOU SICK FUCK

Giulia: FUCK U

Nat : I said it for Dean

Giulia: WOW

Zee : Ouch

Nat : OW

Giulia: BABIES

Giulia: HOW ARE THEY SO CALM

Nat : That's some fucking kink he has going on there

Giulia: BENNY

Zee: I want Benny

Nat : Aw Benny

Giulia: WhAT

Nat : Fond memories

D: Okay. Let's split up. C: What?

D: You go that way. I'll go this way. We'll meet back at the Rift, alright? We'll cover more ground. We'll better our odds.

C: Yeah. We'll also improve our odds of getting lost or killed. Come on.

Giulia: Wow cas does not have time for dean today lol

Zee : Cass is telling dean what to do and he’s listening

Nat : CAS HAS NO FUCKING PATIENCE LEFT WHATSOEVER

Zee : Wow

Nat : I'm here for it

Giulia: LOOK AT THAT SICK ASSHOLE FUCK

Giulia: YES

Giulia: STOP

Nat : Fuck Ew Ow

Giulia: SAM SHUT UP

Nat : Sam's right

Giulia: oh wow they gave him that line

Zee : I wanna go 

Giulia: Because you are a sick fuck

 Nat : I'm actually not really watching

Giulia: Cute

Zee: Yuk

Nat : Aren't we glad that we don't have to endure commercial breaks

Giulia: LOL WHAT cass

Nat : That's a different corpse. lol

Zee: Hello

Nat : Who is that

Nat : Ah

Giulia: IT’S SUDDENLY VERY WARM HERE OK

Zee : As simple as that

Nat : lol

Giulia: snort

Nat : Embarrassing

Nat : lol

Zee : Fuck

Giulia: Oh wow

Nat : I can't meet them in May

Giulia: ALREADY HATE THIS

Nat : I can't take it

Giulia: same

Zee : Shut up both of you

Zee : Awe dean

Giulia: how is this monster so calm

Nat : Everybody has heard of Benny

Giulia: NO SHUT UP

Nat : NO

Nat : FUCK YOU

Nat : NOOOOOOOOO

Giulia: HE LIES

Giulia: I DON T TRUST HIM

Nat : I HOPE

Nat : I MEAN WOULD YOU TRUST A LEVIATHAN

Giulia: I DON T WANNA LISTEN TO GOD

Giulia: Oh no

Nat : Oh no

Zee: April 17

Giulia: Don t wanna see that

Nat : 17. april

Giulia: Lol florida man

Giulia: SNORT

Giulia: Me

Nat : Dean lol

Giulia: CASS BB

Zee: Resting my eyes

Nat : CAS

Giulia: JODY

Nat : Cas is still annoyed af

Zee : No

 Nat : NO

Giulia: SHUT

Giulia: UP

Zee : NO

Giulia: DON T

Zee: Claire

Nat : THERE IS NO WINNER

Nat : Apparently

Giulia: I SWEAR UGH NO

Nat : It never stops even if they would win

Giulia: AW

Zee: Cass is looking good

D: And he sacrificed himself to get Sam out of this place.

C: Well, this place will bring that out in you. Guilt. It was my fault the Leviathan got out. It was my fault we were here the first time. I carry that guilt every day.

Giulia: CAS BABE SHUT UP

D: I know you're sorry, Cass. About Bel, about Mom.

Giulia: omg Cas is so done with everything. Love it.

C: I was talking about Jack. I already apologized to you.

Giulia: SNORT

Giulia: AH

Giulia: AH AH

Zee : Bitterness

Giulia: YIKES

C: You didn't give me a choice. You couldn't forgive me. And you couldn't move on. You were too angry. I left, but you didn't stop me.

Giulia: * is ded on the floor*

Zee : You didn’t stop me

Nat : 6.01.2021

Nat : Uh

Giulia: Uuuuh

Giulia: Amazing

S: Now, if Cass was still here, he could've healed them.

D: Yeah, well, he's not.

Nat : Cas is not there

Giulia: Yuck

Zee : The monsters are winning

Giulia: Nice legs

Giulia: I was distracted

RANDOM LEV: Killing her alphas, swallowing her Leviathan.Bringing you to her should earn us a nice reward.

Giulia: GREAT

Nat : Fuck you

Giulia: I HATE THIS

Giulia: NO

Nat : BB

Giulia: oh no the flowers

Nat : What happened

Giulia: WHRE IS CASSS

Giulia: JDBDOALSBDISGCDKAL

Nat : 3.11.2021

Giulia: SAM IS SPIRILING

Nat : They are still hunting

Giulia: DEAN IS DEPRESSED

Nat : Sam is still hunting

Nat : restless

D: What I've been trying to say for months.

Zee: Stand down

Nat : He's tired alright

Giulia gets an email from the Hilton hotel about the room reservation she was waiting VeRy CalMLy

Giulia: NO HILTON HOTEL SHUT UP

Zee: My stomach hurts

Giulia: WHAT

Nat : WHAT

D: Ever since the Mark made Cass go crazy?

Giulia: WHAT

Giulia: WHATT

Nat : WHAT

Nat : WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

D: Bobby has a death wish, and you know it. And Jody... ever since what happened to Donna and the girls, she does, too.

Giulia: WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GURL

Nat : DONNA?

D:And after Eileen... so do you.

Nat : EILEEN

Giulia: STOP THIS SHIT

Nat : EVERYONE IS GONE

Giulia: NO

Zee: I’m leaving

Giulia: I WANNA GET UP AND FUCK OFF

Nat : Who's actually Butch and who's Sundance?

Nat : Even if they win they lose

Nat : WHAT THE FUCK

Nat : I DON'T WANNA WATCH

Giulia: HATE THIIIIIIS

S: Dean, what happened to going out swinging?

D: We lost, brother. We lost. I'm done.

Nat : ALRIGHT GOODBYE GUYS

Giulia: IM LEAVING

G: I'm just the messenger, Sam.

Giulia: NO ONE BELIEVE YOU SICK FUCK

S: No, the Dean I know... the Dean who raised me...he'd never give up, no matter how bad things got.

Giulia: THE DEAN WHO RAISED ME

Giulia: SOB

Giulia: SOOOOB

Nat : What does that say about them that I wanna quit the espisode when I'm halfway in and I don't even care what comes after

Giulia: NO I STILL CARE ABOUT CASS

Giulia: AND IM AFRAID

Nat : I DON'T WANNA WATCH

Giulia: dean still looking for cas jn purgatory

Giulia: I DON T WANNA

Nat : Will Dean leave Cas behind?

Giulia: STOP

Zee: I’m crying

Nat : SHUT THE FUCK UP DEAN

Nat : I DON'T WANT THIS

Giulia: STOP MY HEART

Nat : FUCK YOU

Giulia: AAAAAAH

Nat : I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYES

Giulia: MY HEART

Giulia: SOB

Nat : THAT'S PROBABLY PEE

Zee: It’s called tears Nat

Giulia: IM HAVING A HEART ATTACK

Giulia: NO

Giulia: STOP THAT FYCKI MY SHIT GSLAVDHAKDHEJWBE

Nat : I'M FUCKING SOBBING AND THAT'S NOT OK

Giulia: DEEEEAN

Zee: He’s broken

Nat : SHIT I WANNA HOLD HIM

Giulia: IT S TOO EARLY FOR THIS, IT’S 8:32 AM

Giulia: IM BROKEN

Nat : I don't know why I get so angry

Nat : AW BABY

Giulia: IM SO ANGRY

Nat : COME HERE

Giulia: STO l  Dnbdsno NO

Nat : I DEFINITELY CAN'T SEE THEM IN MAY

Giulia: BABE

Zee: SAY I LOVE YOU ALREADY

Nat : FUCK THIS SHIT

Giulia: FUCK

Nat : flips a fucking table

Giulia: FLIPS MY WHOLE HOUSE

Nat : OKay

END OF PART 1 because it was so fucking heavy and I don’t want your computer to blow up 

.

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PART 2

If you want to get tagged send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

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