#aaaaaaaaa i’ve been waiting to post this for SO LONG

[lightning-chicken]

ERROR: Battery Low

Judging by the minute lift of Unigami’s eyebrows and sharp, small intake of artificial breath, he’s surprised. Shocked, even—this isn’t how he would’ve predicted things ending up.

His mistake.

This isn’t how Jay would’ve predicted things ending up either, but he’s always been good at making the best out of bad situations.

finally! it’s finished!!! the second fic for my digital reflections au!

this is my contribution to ninjatober - day 6, endings. while this fic wasn’t orginally intended to be for the prompt challenge, the prompt spurred me to finish it (and ended up changing the storyline slightly?).

thanks to @inspectorghoul for proofreading!!! <3

[soup-scope]

DUN DUN!

You have been bitten by the mutual virus. To cure yourself, you must provide one reason why you follow each of your mutuals before sending this to others (whether mutuals or not) while in anon.

Good luck!

This… is gonna be so long…..

@star-sheeps : absolutely fucking hilarious. i always catch myself giggling whenever i see one of ur posts!! i also loved the ‘styling the listeners’ lil series u were doing i love fashion content sm. you were also one of the first people i followed when i first joined the redacted fandom🫡🫡

@caramel-metal : you somehow find the funniest shit to ever exist. your blog is a genuine gold mine for content i would’ve have seen otherwise it’s so‼️‼️‼️‼️

@taelonsamada : i thought it was a mistake when u followed me back 😭😭 but ī absolutely ADORE your writing. i constantly find myself rereading between me you and the fence post ehehehe. i’m gonna be ordering your new book soon and i’ve been vibrating at a frequency that’s impossible to witness with the naked eye (translation: im very excited)

@davidsfanclub : ANOTHER PERSON THAT MAKES ME GIGGLE. i loved ur angel design the first time i saw them and it’s genuinely infected and rotted my brain like THATS how i see angel too now omg. a very creative mind that makes me want to nibble on it

@artbykays : another person who i thought followed me back by mistake. *THE* best listener designs omg. THE ANGEL DESIGN EVER. AAAAAAAAAAAA. i genuinely love ur redacted art sm i had heart palpitations the day u followed me back

@basiliskbrews : another one of my first moots!!! i love citrus with a burning passion. i witnessed u rebrand ur blog and i still absolutely adore all and any content you put out. your vega and warden design has me frothing and convulsing on the ground like a fish abandoned on a deck.

@mothmayhem : I MISS YOU💕💕💕 another moot that has me giggling and kicking my feet. constantly has me twirling my hair and laughing ehehehe. i still can’t get over how you CALLED the david and asher proposals like dawg. how

@beedoes-stuff : GIGGLE ALERT. aka another moot that makes me laugh my ass off. not only do u post absolute bangers you have a tendency to reblog them too and i always have to put my phone down for a few mins

@themonotonysyndrome : it took me three tries to spell ur user right. we got another castin lover in this house 🤝🤝 i want to bite you on the head and then maul you. (all said with love and extreme amounts of affection) I LOVE HOW U TALK ABOUT BRIGHT AAAAA. i want to take a gigantic chunk out of ur writing i love it sm it has me rolling around and flailing

@falkea : MISS YOU💕💕. THE ANGEL DESIGN THAT EXECUTED ME ON THE SPOT. i hit the floor when u followed me back like my mouth was AGAPE. your quinn and darlin art genuinely changed my brain chemistry i will never be the same. a very big art inspiration for me. i shake with anticipation whenever i wait for ur next posts.

@vaselinepot : sometimes all you need is a silly lil moot who says the funniest shit unprompted. sometimes i have to put my phone down and breathe. i miss u vaseline come home

@darlin-collins : ANOTHER MOOT THAT MAKES ME LAUGH. YALL ARE FUNNY AS FUCK. however whenever you talk about the imperium i have to mentally prepare myself to be mentally and physically crushed.

@jollyfang : I LOVE THE REDACTED ART SM AAAAAA. another person who’s follow sent me into cardiac arrest. THE GAVIN DESIGN THAT HAD ME SWEATING. i love how you draw portraits it has me falling in love with ur art all over again when i see that u post.

@thevqid : i think we need to sit down and have a talk. idk about what. i just know that one of us isn’t leaving that room alive. said with all the love i can possibly muster. i love u tho💕💕

@beemybella : genuinely one of the sweetest people i’ve ever interacted with. i love being on ur tag list smth whenever you post it tosses me out of artblock and FILLS me with inspiration 💕💕

@konnorhasapen : PIRATE AU PIRATE AU AAAAAAAAA. i love your writing sm i need to be beaten back with a stick. i’m going to fist fight with you in a parking lot one of these days. i’m so glad you made it back into ur account. i love u sm from afar i feel like a maiden waiting for her husband to return home from the war.

@bratty-telepath : so shape. so shape. i love how stylized your work is. make an art book. please. graphic design IS your passion like pls spare some good character designs and interesting layouts for the rest of us. another moot who id be down the fist fight. this is a fight that i know id get my ass kicked during tho. like my body bent at angles no one is capable of. said with love ofc

@lovesstateofmatter : i always forget we’re moots until you interact with my shit and i bounce around for 5 minutes straight. YOUR BLAKE AND ELLIOT ART. I STILL THINK ABOUT IT. that’s fr how i imagine them now 😭😭

@friendly-waffles : TANKTANKTANKTANKTANK I LOBE UR TANK DESIGJ SM AAAAAAA. AND ANGEL AAAAA. i want to bite your art and SHAKE like a rabid animal. i think about ur sam and darlin art daily. i hit the floor when we became moots

@peraltuki : THE WWDITS X REDACTED VIDS 😭😭 we joined the redacted tumblr at like the same time so i feel a bonded connection to u. ily. you have the best fucking posts they have me sobbing on the floor (cause i giggle too hard)

@doodleanddie : your redacted doodles killed me, sent me to heaven, then dragged me back down to hell and then reincarnated me as a fly. i love ur art and all ur doodles have so much character it’s WILD. (i miss u💕)

@epsi-l0n - your thoughts are so incredibly big brained i want to pick apart ur brain and take a few bites while i’m at it. i think if we fought it’d be the battle of the ages. simply because i think we both *CANT* fight so it’d just be entertaining to every witness

@dollvre : VINCENT STAN HIIIIII. finding another vincent lover and taylor swift enjoyer in this fandom had my brain exploding. tell me what zsakuva videos i should watch. i’m too indecisive to choose what series i want to get into. i think we need to hold hands and exchange rings 👍

@mrsmiagreer : Niyah i would genuinely kill for you. tell me a name. or names. plural. i would quite literally do anything for you. say the word. BUT I LOVE UR WRITING SM PLS MAKE A TAGLIST PLS

@oceanicwhitetipshark : whenever i feel myself drifting from redacted. i get a notif that you’ve posted and i’m immediately pulled back in by all ur writings and your thoughts. ur genuinely so talented and so incredibly sweet di i’m very glad we’re moots

@kelseadelle : i’ve never loved women more in my entire life. the way u draw has me wanting to sacrifice myself to the nearest woman for no reason other than that they’re a woman. your evie and ranger art. id give anything to be a werewolf.

@romeo-the-homeo : there can only be one trans jackass in the redacted fandom there isn’t enough room for the both of us. we should totally combine our physical forms and ascend to a higher form of being. and then get a wendy’s frosty or smth.

@plutobutartsy : stella. LIGHT OF MY LIFE💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 I LOVE UR DESIGNS SM YOUR ART IS SO BEAUTIFUL I LOVE HOW YOU SEE THE LISTENERS AAAAA. YOUR FAITHFUL DESIGN HAS SHOT ME THROUGH THE HEART ILY AAAAAAA

@clover-46 : whenever smth messy happens i always appear in ur dms 😭😭 i love obsessing over hush with you and giggling in our dms💕💕. YOUR DESIGNS SLAP SO HARD. i hope you know that i think of your milo design on the daily. he’s my little girlfriend and i’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life

@celestecreateschaos : trying to type out ur user gave me an aneurysm. I ALSO MISS GEORDI SM WHERE IS HE. you’re genuinely so funny you constantly have me giggling. i wanna tape an x-ray of ur brain to my wall.

@venuslove-28-replies : HIIIIOIOIIIIOOOOEDIIWIWISIDOW. one of these days i’m going to shake you so hard you come apart like a mr potato head. your art has me wanting to bite you and not let go. all your designs have me AAAAKAOSAIKALA

@peacefullibrarian : i will never get over that one piece of writing u did about lasko and his listener. the “like the fan” has me slamming myself into the ground imagining them interacting. make a tag list. make a tagLIST RN AND ADD ME

@morgansplace : hi king i’m going to evict you from this plane of existence. (translation: i love you and i love how incredibly creative you are. i want to eat ur nails. i think we could solve all the worlds problems if we held hands and spun in a circle until we fell over from dizziness. i think it’d be nice)

@heshheshfish : omw to send u a cease a desist. your walls are very comfortable. i have officially devoured all tress-passers who have crossed my unwelcome path. i only accept offerings in the form of whole blocks of cheddar cheese. (translation: hi hehe)

@teaseat : i don’t think i can genuinely put into words how much i love u tea. you have me CACKLING. and other days you have me needing to put down my phone to take a minute. anyways. IN SO GLAD IM IN UR TAGLIST HEHEHE I LOVE UR WRITING SM AAAAAAA

@deviantaj : you make me want to listen to marina and the diamonds and then kill someone. aj ily. you make me giggle. i think if we were ever put into the same room we’d probably cause a cataclysmic event that no one could ever recover from.

@swanconcerto : HOLLYYYYYYYYYYUEJFJE. ily holly my favorite person to ever exist you have me twirling my hair and giggling i’d give anything to exist in ur presence. holly i am in ur basement.

@messenger-of-stupidity : i love your writing so much it has completely rewired my brain i think we should tussle outside and then hold pinky’s or smth. THE VEGA LOVE>>>>> i wait with baited breath for your vega fic

@shawslut : i love ur blog layout sm how do you do it. we both go by ray/rae so i think maybe we should do a lil dance to decide which ones superior. your geordi fic had me wanting to test the sharpness of my new kitchen knives. i will eat you one of these days.

@4letteraroace : i want to bite your hands so bad bro. i still think about ur darlin dance fic. now i know nothing about dance but i could fucking picture what was going on and it HURT. i think your keyboard deserves to be taken away. it should also be taken away because of how u interact with lemon on a daily basis 😭😭

@milosirlgf : hi jaydyn i think one of these days you’ll genuinely rule the world so pls remember that i am nothing but ur undying servant hi. i’m going to empty my life savings in ur name.

@terrazaurio : YOUR DAVID AND ANGEL DESIGN AAAAAAAAA RAHHHHHHHH. i want to bite someone’s head off. i get horrific cute aggression whenever i see your work. i think if we ever existed in the same section of the universe the space time continuum would collapse

@goodboyaudios : i think we should fist fight.

@tunasfishbowl : i think we should paint each others nails and then watch horror movies. tuna ur designs have me gasping for air on a daily basis i lost my mind when we became moots.

@yoteako : THE LASKO DESIGN EVER. INCREDIBLE WOLF BOY DESIGNS. i lobe how u draw them as grown men. idk if that makes any sense but it does to me. also enlightened me to the idea that is vega and brachium omg the most brain idea ever. when we became moots i breakdanced on the hardwood floor

@echovale052 : HI ECHOOO i’m taking a few chomps out of all of ur works like your art style is so pleasant i wanna EAT IT. i think that if we fought we’d probably end up destroying a few small towns.

@kittyshaw : HI REIIIIIII 💕💕💕💕 genuinely one of my fav people. you have the best takes and omg i love ur headcanons sm. i am going to eat ur brain one of these days. any second you aren’t moving i’m only getting closer

@lovelylonerliterature : i’ve read your cutie/geordi fix it fic an ungodly amount of times. (also a shadows appeal……) i love ur writing and interpretations of the redacted characters so much. your ability to capture angst has me wanting to throw myself into the abyss.

@elisacaleisa : another user i struggled to spell 💔💔. THE BEST MORGAN DESIYJ IVE EVER SEEN THATS MY MAN THATS MY WIFE I LOST MY SHIT M.LWFIIWKSJWIWO. i’m going to bite and shake your gavin design. i think our brains should combine at some point for fun

@sweetlemongrove : Lemon u are the light of my life. please make a taglist and add me to it. i love you. THE LOMLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. also ur blog layout is so pretty what.

I LOVE YOU ALL MOOTS‼️‼️‼️

(Ok but in all seriousness. This is my first time ever really fully interacting with a fandom and not just lurk. To be able to interact with an incredibly creative and kind fandom has been a pleasure :)))) thank you all for all the work you do!!!!)

[onerabong]

Dark Matter rambles pt.2 (spoiler alert)

I’ve decided to start a new post cuz the old one was getting too long.

Ch.26

First of all, OH MY GOD

I had to calm myself down for a long time before writing this otherwise it would’ve just been a jumble of exclamations.

There is a LOT I wanna talk about in this chapter but I’ll narrow it down to three things- the battle, Einaros and GERYU.

Before we go in I wanna mention Boros’ dream. So his prophetic dreams are still coming to him, except with this one he was conscious. Well not conscious, but he could walk around, he had control over his body. I wonder what the difference was. With Exodia, a dream he’s had for so long warning(?) him of an attack, all he could do was experience what the dream gave him. It was vague, the only distinct thing being the environment around him, the dream only getting clearer as the real event approached. The two previous dreams he’s had was a prophecy of what will happen, something that will happen; there was nothing he could do about it. But with this one nothing seems to be happening, at least not yet. No signs of danger, no signs of anything really, only notable thing being the waterfall. Is it telling Boros of a place he’ll find himself in in the future? Probably. Is something important gonna happen there? Also probably. Maybe it’s another place with a clue? The place he’ll meet Geryu? No idea.

I used the term ‘warning’ above but that seems inaccurate. Warning implies that he could have done something to stop it. With Exodia maybe he could’ve persuaded the others to leave, but that seems unlikely. With the Maelstrom too, Proxima had the idea to stop the ship herself, even without Boros’ input. So his dreams are just showing him what will happen.. but now that he’s certain that it’s showing him the future, he’s determined to be prepared, he’s anticipating it. Is the new dream a result of this change? That he’s more prepared? Maybe, maybe not. But doubtless he’s had more control over it, even if it was only with his body. And he will be looking out for this place, anticipating it. That itself is a huge improvement compared to before, in my opinion.

(Also why was the Cyborg so cold when Boros mentioned his dreams?? His words sympathetic, but his tone cold- what does this mean? Does it have something to do with the voices?? This guy’s just wrapped up in mysteries!!)

Now onto the battle. AAAAAAAAA

Well the first thing I wanna mention is the centipede. Yes, it cracked me up to see that the monster was nothing other than a centipede, an acknowledgement to OPM’s love for those things no doubt😂

Speaking of OPM, it’s with this fight things are getting more and more like a.. shonen manga(??) seeing the main character getting stronger with every fight to be specific. Which is what OPM’s all about. So to see Boros doing that, to see this fic showing hints of what it will inevitably happen- it makes my heart race is what it does, to put it lightly.

And the way he fights, the way he defeated the creature; it wasn’t complicated, he just punched through it, but even in that simple fight we could see that he was being smart, strategic. The creature was so much bigger than him, so he waits for it to grab him first, bringing himself closer to what is most likely the creature’s vital spot; its head. And when it’s confirmed that he can do damage to it, he uses his enemy’s fight stance to give the final blow.

Two things- the copying of Iryo’s fighting style, and his energy output.

We are briefly shown Boros analyzing Iryo’s fighting style in the previous chapters. So to see him use it for himself, and victoriously at that, is SO exciting. How many of the Xar can replicate the exact moves of an enemy in a fight he’s had no control over? Not many I presume. Is it his desperation to keep his friends safe that has him learning so much from his traumatic experience? Probably. And this is rewarded with his complete calm during the fight, resulting him being able to control his stellar core, to push through his previous limits.. (limits huh)

And I can’t not mention the color of his energy turning blue, even if only briefly, to match what we’ll be seeing in OPM..

Also I love the little details like the sand crystalizing from his heat, and the shockwaves of each punch; it makes the fight so much more real.

All in all I think this fight was an excellent way to show how much Boros has learned and grown, and what his current capabilities are.. which is apparently what Einaros thinks of as well.. he is impressed.. But more on that in the next post.

[sylvctica]

i cant keep tabbing in and out from my game for screenshots so i’m just compiling my thoughts on part 2 here (well partially im terrified of it just not going thru mHFDFHDFDG):

AWYEUEUEEU BEIDOU AND NINGGUANG RLLY ARE JUST AN OLD BICKERING COUPLE

it’s SO NICE TO SEE XINYAN… and her character intro hyping up her concerts is so??? 😳🥺

AUEAUEUEEU THEYRE SUCH A GOOD FRIEND GROUP

where IS THE PEEPAW!!!!!!! i’ve already been spoiled that he does appear

XIAOOOOOOOOOOOO BABYYYYYY WAH WE CALLED HIM!!! TO FUCKIN ASK HIS OPINION FOR FOOD 😭 god he sounds so soft in CN… i love his voice???

god i love gouba LITTLE GOOBER HE’S JUST WAVING TOWARDS HIM AHAHWHEHAHAHSHS,,,,,, WHY DOES HE LOOK SO SAD ONCE XIAO LEFT??

oooh of earth and water born… fancy!!!

poor smiley… BUT AWOOA GOUBA?? what a good baby I JUST AANANEHDKDNN squish SQUISH

sylvie is thriving at all the food talk……

WHERE IS PEEPAW???

aside from that AWEH ITS A WHOLESOME EVENT

AWEH TSUN TSUN KEQING??

i feel like i’m insane just waiting for him to show up girl help

huh… so the recipe is old and from history books… GUOBA STOVE GOD??????

ITNEHSJDH KENENDSTOAVE JDNDN WHACT IM YELLING AAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT TEHDUFNCKF BROOOOOOOOOOO

THATS SO UFTBE HELP???

BROOO THIS VIDEOOOOO also new character peeps?

IM MAKING THE UGLIEST NOISES UEUEUEUEUEU IM JUST GONNA POST THIS CAUSE IT’S GETTING DANGEROUSLY LONG AAAAAAAAA

[whumpwillow]

poison

{I don’t remember who made this prompt aaaaaaaaa. I promise I’m not trying to steal anything, I just have terrible memory and can’t find the post im sorryu~}

in response to this prompt:

“This is madness!” The sidekick exclaimed, struggling against their restraints. “You’re a hero! Why are you-”

“Shut up, [name]!” The hero exclaimed, wrestling a gag over their mouth. “I’ve never been a hero. [Villain] was right; I’m as bad as the rest of them, so I might as well act like it.”

//

[i'm not calling you a liar]

Sidekick was still yelling at him even as he turned and walked out of the room, muffled sounds of rage accompanying him. Hero stopped once he closed the door and fell back against it, leaning his head against the wood and looking up at the dingy grey sky. He exhaled slowly and closed his eyes for one, two, three, and then he was off again. He hoped Sidekick wouldn’t be dumb enough to come looking for him.

Hero knew the sidekick felt betrayed and hoped he’d stay away, or at least hate him enough to try. Sidekick wasn’t stupid; he knew the bounds of Hero’s power. He’d need help if he wanted to kill the traitor.

Traitor.

The words felt sharp and heavy in his throat, but that was what he was. At least, it’s what he hoped they’d all believe.

He needed to make them to hate him. That was the only way he’d ever get them to leave him alone—the only way to keep them safe. He could never just up and disappear, running and hiding and hoping they wouldn’t find him. He knew they’d tear themselves apart just to try. And he couldn’t have that. They were too loyal, so he had to make them believe he wasn’t.

They had to believe he’d turned evil and whatever other nonsense Villain was always spouting. Hero would never be able to protect the team otherwise. Not with the deadly poison coursing through his veins, one that didn’t affect him directly but instead, those around him. It contaminated anyone he came too close to and he couldn’t risk that. He was a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. It grew stronger by the second and if the hero couldn’t find a way to stop it from consuming him—

He didn’t want his friends around when that happened.

So he’d go it alone. Didn’t matter that the poison hurt so much he could barely breathe, or that he could feel himself slowly dying. As long as nobody else got hurt, he could figure this out on his own. His little charade with the sidekick would buy him enough time.

“Didn’t think I’d be seeing you here.”

Oh hell.

Hero turned around slowly, like that would somehow make the other person disappear. Like the owner of that smarmy voice would get bored and just walk away—as if it was ever that easy.

“What do you want?” the hero snarled. He was not in the mood for another fight.

Villain held up his hands in a gesture of mock surrender, one eyebrow raised. “Woah, woah, what’s with the snappy attitude? Not happy to see me?”

“I’m not in the mood.”

Villain took two steps closer and Hero tensed up, but the action was casual, lacking his usual menace. Villain’s hands clasped loosely behind his waist, though Hero could see he held nothing at the ready for a nasty surprise. He tilted his head to the side and regarded the hero, all drawn looks and tired eyes.

“Does it have to do with that poisonous power you’ve got building inside you?”

Hero flinched. His eyes lit up with fury, body coiled like a spring and ready to lunge at the villain, wondering why he hadn’t done that the moment he knew the snarky beast was there.

“Hey now,” Villain said, holding up a placating hand. “I don’t mean to start a fight.”

Hero fixed him with a deadpan glare. “Aren’t you?”

Villain stepped closer again, peering too deeply into his eyes for comfort. He reached out a hand, gently brushing the edge of his thumb across the hero’s cheek. Hero tensed up, but some part of himself wanted this, as damned as it all was. He hadn’t let anyone touch him since he’d been cursed with this affliction and just this bare human contact, even from an enemy, was enough to nearly bring him to his knees.

“You’re such a beautiful poison—we could’ve done wonderful things together.”

The hero shivered. The villain stepped back, looking disappointed. “Too bad it’s too volatile to be useful.” He shrugged nonchalantly, hands in his pockets now.

“But I could help you get rid of it.”

Now that was an idea. Hero didn’t want to involve any of his friends in this mess—but an enemy? Well, that was a different story.

—

[cupofteaguk]

Ahhhh babe!!! I wasn’t aware that you were planning on continuing what are you afraid of!! 🤭And I’m thoroughly and pleasantly surprised to get more about this couple!! The way jk is so observant and just knows something is wrong and holds her hand?! I love that they've clearly become closer over the course of their journey. “Almost unconsciously, you squeeze Jungkook’s hand. He looks startled at the gesture. Very rarely do you return his acts of physical contact and comfort.” ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL US HE’S BEEN DOIN SKINSHIP WITH HER?!?! But wait... Has she not been reciprocating?! And the way he’s grown so protective over her has me sofffffft 🥺🥺🥺. And that detail about him pushing his bed so it’s right next to hers and tucking her hair out of her face as she falls asleep??? I will perish!!! 😩But wait “Jungkook steps forward, taking your hand in his. ‘Don’t leave work until I show up, okay? He asks. ‘It’s a long walk back to the apartment.” AND THEN HE KISSES THE BAK OF HER HAND?!?! I’m ded. This is the kind of chivalry I dream of. The fact that he’s been wooing her is sooooooo cute. My favorite part tho was his confession. “Do I really have to spell it out for you?... Don’t you get it?... I do those things because I want to, because I want to keep you safe and protected. Because I like you…” SWOOOON. And the smut?!?! I LOVE the explicit consent- I find it vvvv sexy. “I’ve wanted to do this for a while. Can I keep going?” and “Is this okay?” and the fact that he asks her to tell him if she wants to stop. Ok, but the use of his firebending for temperature play while he’s eating her out??? 🥵What kind of bending is that??🥵 And why am I so interested in it???🥵 I’m officially ded. What a fun read!!! Thank you for sharing more of their story with us!! I hope you’re well. Sending you all my love! 💜💜💜

OMG OKAY BABE JUST KNOW THAT I TOOK A LITTLE LONGER TO ANSWER / POST THIS ASK BECAUSE I REALLY WANTED TO READ IT SLOWLY AND TAKE IN EVERY SINGLE WORD HERE!!!!!!!! first off i always say this but thank you so much for taking the time to send such a long paragraph w qUOTES FROM THE FIC and YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT IT PHEW!!!!! 

just to answer a question you had asked in the ask, the yn in this fic isn’t very expressive!!!! she is (like jk said in the fic) the daughter of a murder so her experience with physical touch n emotional expressiveness is rlly lacking. since she’s only been on her own for a little bit, initiating physical touch / sharing her emotions is something that she still needs to work on! 

but aaaaAAAAA omg thank you so much again for sending this to me!!!! really glad you enjoyed it even though it was an unexpected surprise for you!!!!! sending love right back at you :,)) 

[lordtraco]

I just read your fic on Ao3 and **I LOVE** (Parenting/Found Family is my flippin' **JAM** *AND* Semi-Reality-Bending means of magically/suddenly having your/a kid?? Freaking Amazing, I Thank you Deeply you for creating some of the EXACT Specific stuff I Love to See XD Thank you /u\b) - Now, if I'm allowed only one vote, I vote for #5 (I need Mooooooooore~~) - If I'm allowed Two votes my second is #1 - If I'm allowed a 3rd it'd be #3, (1/2)

(and if I really AM Allowed to I vote for ALL of them cause they're ALL so Awesome XD Seriously I love each and every one of these ideas, and I'm 1000% look forward to reading more!! XD Thank you thank you for creating and posting Blue Raspberry: Olive Branch, *I Love it so so so so much/I can't WAIT for all the fluff (and angst, but then Comfort!!) to come outta it, man. . .* Thank you Again!! XD)

Aaaaaaaaa thank you!!! Seriously I've been sitting on these ideas so long thinking no one would read them if I did post them, ESPECIALLY Blue Raspberry. For you, I will post them ALL starting with the rest i have written of Blue (or as much as I can before work, tagging and summarizing is hard lol)

[the-yerkes-dodson-curve]

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT THE NEW SANDERS SIDES VIDEO

This is gonna be a long post. I have a lot of thoughts about this episode. There is going to be some serious talk about my own personal experiences with violent intrusive thoughts and also me just appreciating this amazing episode. 

I was one of the people that was convinced it was going to be about depression. I am so glad it wasn’t. A lot of people have talked about depression, but no one, at least as far as I know, have really touched upon intrusive thoughts. I had the exact same dilemma as Thomas last year where I thought I was going insane because I couldn’t control my own brain and I had a horrible mental breakdown and I was convinced I was a horrible person because of my intrusive thoughts. I cried and talked to people about it and through doing so it was made clear to me that these intrusive thoughts were just that, thoughts. Nothing more. They hold nothing over me. I still suffer from them, but now I know what they are.

I was also certain there wasn’t going to be another side introduced. It’s been a year since Deceit was introduced, we’ve only just gotten to know Deceit a little better, there won’t be another side. BOY WAS I WRONG

The episode starts with Thomas, Virgil and Patton trying not to think about the intrusive thoughts he was having that kept him awake. I have intrusive thoughts like that all the time. I vividly imagine my family members dying, or even myself dying. I vividly imagine someone breaking into the house and killing me. My brain does what Virgil and Patton do, freak out and try to think about something else. This video has made me realise how much I repress thoughts like that.

My anxiety also makes me have intrusive thoughts. Whenever I have an anxiety attack I vividly imagine myself killing myself in gory detail because I’ve gotten into this cycle of hating myself whenever I have an attack. I get scared, what if I lose control one day and these thoughts become reality?

I love how the audio became muffled and the intrusive thought creeped in. I like to think of the mind like a radio, tuning in and out of different frequencies, and sometimes, or most of the time like for me, you can’t control the frequencies it jumps to. And suddenly you’re imagining your loved one being killed or dying.

I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER WHEN THOSE HANDS CREEPED OUT

I WAS NOT EXPECTING A NEW SIDE AT ALL

I WAS SO TERRIFIED

HOLY SHIT THAT CHARACTER DESIGN I AM IN LOVE STRAIGHT AWAY 

BUT AAAAAAAA WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHAT THE HELL

When he smacked Roman in the head and knocked him out I was so shook, this Sanders Sides has stepped into totally new territory

LOOK AT HIM OMG HE HAS A MOUSTACHE I WASN’T EXPECTING A NEW SIDE TO HAVE FACIAL HAIR HOLY SHIT 

THE DUKE

HIS VOICE

HE HAS A DIFFERENT VOICE

THERE IS NO ENDING TO THOMAS’ TALENT

The way the song starts is eVeRyThInG

THESE EFFECTS I CAN’T DEAL AAAAAAAAA

I FUCKING SCREAMED

HIS SIX ARMS I LOVE IT REMUS’ SASSY STANCE I AM LIVING FOR IT

If you shared those musings with your friends, I doubt they would forgive you.

Gosh. I relate to this too much. I was so scared that I would somehow reveal these bad thoughts to people and they would hate me and everyone would hate me and think I was an awful person.

Even though everybody sins, everybody dies.

FAVOURITE PART OF THE SONG HANDS DOWN THOMAS’ VOICE IS AMAZING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Why deny yourself knowledge, say, knowledge of yourself!

These lyrics are amazing. They encapsulating what I was thinking when I had really bad intrusive thoughts. I still have them, but when I first started noticing I had them I spiralled so far down. “What if this is who I am...what if I’m not the nice person I think I am?”

hELP I LOVE HIM BUT I HATE HIM BUT I LOVE HIM

I always love the villain. I hate everything they’ve done and don’t condone any of it, but I absolutely love them, especially if they are as fabulous as the Duke Remus.

These sorts of things are only thought in the mind of a man whose soul is truly rotten.

Oof. I relate to that thought process.

So let all your hopes of heaven be forgotten, ‘cause your head’s not in the gutter, pal, it’s in hell!

I wasn’t expecting religious imagery. I really love that. I don’t relate to the religious ideas brought up in this episode as I am not religious, but I do love the fact that he talked about them. Also, when Deceit said, “Wow, Thomas, it seems that your moral compass is pointed south, towards hell!” that was definitely foreshadowing for Thomas to spiral into this. That’s why Patton reacted so viscerally to that comment.

Remus: Juicy butthole!

Me:

Me:

Me: what...what is happening in this Sanders Sides

THIS FACE I LOVE IT

THE JAZZ HANDS AND THE HIGH VOICE AAAAAA WHY DO I LOVE HIM AND HATE HIM

Patton did a real good job!

Oh my goodness, this precious boi.

How about...DEMENTED?

I  C H O K E D

What is my deal? Um, bitch? What is YOUR deal?

My exact thought process. “Am I actually a horrible person because I’m having such awful thoughts like this, there’s definitely something wrong with me...but I can’t stop it...”

Oh no....oh no!

My heart broke at the horror and sadness that washes over Thomas’ and Patton’s face.

another good remus screenshot

Oh my goodness, the way he tortures Logan throughout the episode was awful for me to watch cause MY BABY LOGAN, but I love how Logan doesn’t react. I love Logan’s determination.

You bastard.

IT WAS A LONG TIME COMING HELL YES VIRGIL

I’d love to see the bloopers for this bit, oh my gosh.

Ooh! How fun! You know who could help us with that?

AWW MAN YOU GOT MY HOPES UP XDD

That’s what repression is!?

I love Patton’s reaction, cause I had the same reaction. Repression is so easy to do cause you often don’t know you are doing it.

This is not about me wanting to be listened to. You all are not listening to Thomas.

THIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT OH MY GOSH

Virgil: But what if he’s lying?

Logan: I can assure you, he’s not. You’re just para- expressing an unhealthy amount of concern. Thank you for being on guard. But for now, you must listen.

I love this part so much. It calls back to when Roman almost called Virgil paranoid, but then switched it to vigilant. Logan realised he was getting too worked up and angry and so stopped himself. This is great development from when he lashed out at Roman in Learning New Things About Ourselves. Calling Virgil “paranoid” is destructive and will make Virgil not feel listened to. He is aware of that. He is making sure Virgil still feels like he’s a valued part of Thomas’ mind.

another good remus screenshot

THAT IS WHY I SAY IT!

GOSH I LOVE LOGAN SO MUCH YES LOGAN GO OFF

I love being given two d’s at once!

Me:

Me:

Me: ...again what is happening

When Logan revealed that the problem was within Patton and Virgil, my heart dropped. I wasn’t expecting that.

Record scratch!?

I LOVE HIM AAAAA

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN AM I COOL DOES THIS MAKE ME COOL

OMG PRECIOUS BOI AAAA

I WAS SO SHOOK WHEN HE SAID HIS NAME JUST LIKE THAT

ALSO THAT SLY DIG AT VIRGIL AAAAA

oof. this sad boi. :”(

Oh shut up, Nerdy Wolverine!

OMG I JUST REALISED THIS IS WHAT ROMAN SAYS AT THE END AAAAA

I  S C R E A M E D

we just witnessed a side die guys

the angst fanfiction is coming to life

The Duke only has power over you because Virgil and Patton believe that he does.

Hit me hard. I’ve never related more to a Sanders Sides episode.

This. THIS. So poignant and brilliant! This is how it feels!

good logan screenshot

Virgil was right. Not all thoughts are meaningful.

This idea is what helped me better deal with intrusive thoughts. Your brain just fires random thoughts at you, they don’t necessarily mean anything.

I mean, look at him now! He barely got any rest due in large part to you two chastising him all night!

I love how Logan tells them off. UGH I LOVE HIM

And that is why the Duke feels like such a threat, in part, at least. The feeling that you may be a bad person who doesn’t have control over yourself or your destiny, causes you to fear that you may actually act on these thoughts.

Gosh this episode is hitting me hard. 

It’s okay.

Everything is okay.

Logan’s soft voice as he said that made me emotional. His whole speech here is so lovely and helpful. It is okay to have these thoughts cross your mind. You are not a horrible person.

His talk about going to therapy is amazing too. It’s so inspiring. It has encouraged me to want to go back to the therapy because of my recent increase in violent intrusive thoughts.

Oh my goodness, Patton’s realisation and development. This is lovely. 

You tickle me, emo!

...was that a tickle me elmo reference

Good seeing you again, Virgil! It was just like old times!

Me:

Me:

Me: wAIT A MINUTE--

Oh shut up, Nerdy Wolverine! NO! Ugh...I mean...I’m sorry, Logan. I didn’t mean that.

THERE’S SO MUCH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IN THIS EPISODE I CAN’T DEAL

Thomas: You’re really...cool.

Logan: ...heh.

Me: ACTUALLY SOBBING

THESE TWIN BROTHERS OH MY GOODNESS YES

It shows you...everything you don’t want to be.

There are some really hard hitting lines in this episode.

I’m a little disappointed in myself.

The others. I thought I knew how to handle them.

Yeah, but, I should know better.

Because I was one of them.

Virgil being insecure about his power and how much he can protect Thomas almost makes me cry. That last line...oh my goodness. Thomas and his team really know how to write a narrative. It seems that we’re gonna get some lore and backstory at some point after all.

Thomas and his team have done such a good job with this episode. It is my favourite Sanders Sides by far because of the fact that this topic has not really been talked about much, and they talked about it and showed what it’s like so brilliantly. I respect Thomas so much for pushing the boundaries of his channel to talk about this. Thank you, Thomas. I and and so many people needed this.

I realise that I need to go back to therapy. Thank you, Logan for encouraging me.

[twilightofthe]

For the Star Wars questions- 16 & 19. :)

Thank you!!! (y’all this got ridiculously long for two damn questions lol)

Send me a number and i’ll tell u my fave/least fave:

16. Book/Comic (Aight, so I’m actually not a huge comic reader in general, most of my comic knowledge comes from other fans on here posting about them, so this is gonna be mainly book-focused)

FAVE:  Welllllll, since I’m literally incapable of narrowing down my favorite anythings, I’m gonna do faves for both canon and EU novels.  

Canon-wise, it’s a tie beween A New Dawn and Ahsoka.  I know I don’t post about them as much on here, but I truly have a super soft spot for Kanera and Kanan and Hera’s characters, they’re just so GOOD and I love themmmmm aaaaaaaaa.  You get super good insights to how Kanan was running wild and traumatized and trying to repress everything and how Hera was a little naïve but still tough as nails and she had a dream and she was going to make it happen or so help her, ugh I just love how the story showed how they’re strongest as a team working together and I just love character dynamics where the two are so obviously married and kinda snark at each other sometimes but they have each other’s backs through everything and know each other like the back of their hands and uggghhhh this is just such a healthy good ship and such a good book.  The Ahsoka novel is just fantastic all on its own because it shows Ahsoka as a young adult, kinda floundering and lost in this new world, full of guilt over what happened with Anakin and the Order, trying to do what she can to help people and just enduring because she’s a survivor, she was raised (by two argumentative, adoptive parents who love her very much SO SAYETH THE BOOK) to be a survivor and handle herself, but that doesn’t mean she’s not lonely as all hell.  And oof I just fucking adore Kaeden Larte and her relationship with Ahsoka (who absolutely comes back and marries her once the war is over oh yes) and her relationship with Miara and ugh just all of it is A+++++.  E.K. Johnston is just an amazing author in general and her other book, Queen’s Shadow is one of my two canon runner ups because I am in love with her Sabé and her Padmé.  Other canon runner up is A Certain Point Of View, if only for the “Time of Death” chapter.  Don’t get me wrong, the rest of it is also fantastic, but oh god it kills me DEAD OBI WAN DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER AND I CRY I REALLY CRY

EU-wise (oh god, I haven’t even gotten to least-faves yet), it has to be the Revenge of the Sith novelization.  Without a question.  Y’all it’s SO FUCKIN’ good, and in my personal opinion should be considerrred canonnnnnn (look I think the reason they gave for excluding it is that there’s no mention of Ahsoka or Rex or Mandalore or any of the stuff that happened literally the day before which is valid, but I counterpoint that Anakin is a mess with A Lot Going On At The Moment, he could have just forgot?  He forgets most of his morals, all of his common sense, and three of his limbs by the end of the story, Snips could have just slipped his mind! xD).  Anyway, besides the fact that it’s like 99% written in Obikin-colored glasses which really just makes me happy as a person because I love it being acknowledged just how important they are to each other, it really offers a deeper insight INSIDE the chaos going on in Anakin’s head, the mess, just why he falls so quickly and so awfully.  I love it gives the Padmé plot that got cut on screen some validity.  The beautiful beginning and the goddam introductions to Anakin Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi are just A++++++++++++++ and oof other people can more accurately describe just how good this book is, but I love it a Big Lot ok?

LEAST FAVE:  Okey doke, here we go....  So firstly for canon, I’m not the biggest fan of how Claudia Grey writes Leia’s character.  She’s a wonderful storyteller and I love her worldbuilding, but just the way she characterizes Leia herself never felt... right, ya know?  Idk, I can’t really explain it, but it makes it difficult for me to enjoy her Leia novelsWarning right now that this is a VERY unpopular opinion and my opinion alone, please do not yell at me!  So as skilled and admired an author Timothy Zahn is, I don’t like the Thrawn books.  I’m sorry, I don’t.  To me, Thrawn is just.... ok so he’s like BBC!Sherlock but in space.  The plot makes a big deal about how “oooh cool and intelligent and Literally Better Than Everyone Else” Thrawn is, but the only way they really show his “cleverness” is by either him solving problems by pulling together information that literally no one but the writer knows and then acting like it was oh so obvious and in front of everyone OR, the story dumbs down other characters to make him look smart.  And maybe it was because the one Thrawn book goes after Anakin/Vader in particular to do the latter is what kinda ticked me off on Thrawn books in general, but y’all, it really ticked me off, because Anakin is like the lowest hanging fruit for an author to pick to make their character look good in comparison, and therefore it is done All The Time (LOOKING AT YOU, CLONE WARS), which I think is lazy and an insult to Anakin’s character.  Look, I am fully aware Anakin Skywalker is a dolt to the highest degree sometimes, but he is ALSO A GENIUS.  He is SMART.  IT IS CANON THAT HE IS SMART.  So when the Thrawn book has Thrawn constantly one-upping Anakin The Useless Doofus (and Padmé a bit!!!) and then doing it again once he meets him as Vader, that just makes me hmmmm.

The canon comics are actually gonna be featured on the list here a bit because if y’all don’t already know my hatred for That One Particular Vader Comic (not the rest of the series run as I have not read it and from what I hear, it’s excellent and I’d probs like it a lot) doing the implication in a dream sequence where it says that Palpatine used the Dark Side to impregnate Shmi and create Anakin, well I HATE IT.  Look, I know the plot was literally about Sidious trying to mess with Vader’s head and that dream shouldn’t be trusted, but it fooled all the fans too and now like 60% of Star Wars fans actually believe Sidious fathered Anakin and I am so damn tired of hearing about that.  Yeah, now that Reylo is canon, that comic’s authors are trying to do damage control by saying that no, Sidious isn’t Anakin’s father and Rey and Ben are not second cousins, but they’re still being mysterious about it and “oh well it COULD be this--” so now there’s just more fans who are digging into that theory just because they don’t like Reylo and I don’t really care for the ship either but I really HATE the entire “Born of the Dark” concept for reasons I can explain more separately, so I’m pissy at that particular comic for spawning it.  I know it’s petty but I do.

EU-wise, well, this is gonna be unpopular too, cuz I haven’t read most of the EU stuff, and from what I’ve heard of it, there doesn’t seem to be much that I WOULD like.  The movie novelizations all seem good, but everything else???  “Obi Wan prequels but guess what, he had a shitty childhood too!” uh, no thanks, the rest of his life sucks enough, I want to see him happy.  “Mandalorian worldbuilding, but they’re all a bunch of stoic, overpowered badasses who are Good At Everything And Better Than Literally Everyone and the plot bashes the Jedi left right and center!” ehhhhhhhh pass.  “What happened after Return of the Jedi, except the Skywalkers still don’t get a happy ending because the galaxy goes to war again, Han and Leia’s son turns evil, Luke Suffers, and Palpatine comes back again!” nah, that sounds too depressing-- oh wAIT :) :) :)(at least the EU actually lets Han and Leia grow old and happy together okay okay that’s enough sequel salt for one day)

19. Outfit

FAVE:  Everything Padmé Amidala wears in the movies.  No I will not narrow it down.  I am in love with her whole wardrobe and I want it. 

 I also love the standard Jedi tunics and tabards and cloak (c’mon, the cloak completes the picture!)  It’s just such a signature and unique look that’s supposed to combine medieval European knight tunics and samurai warrior clothing and just the #aesthetic is oof, just wonderful.

Also Sabine Wren’s armor and its various paint jobs.  It’s just so uniquely her and bright and beautiful and badass in all its stages and yes good I like it.

Also Lando Calrissian’s cloaks!  Swooshy and colorful and good!  I love cloaks!  

LEAST FAVE:  Gonna go with my petty, silly ones first, and those are all of Padmé Amidala’s outfits that are only seen in the The Clone Wars TV show (so not the ones that were based off of movie costumes).  Eh, actually three of them were nice, her orange outfit she visits Mina in, her white casual housedress, and her black slinky Clovis dress.  All of her other series-only outfits made me highkey pissy because they were either A.) Wrong for the situation she was in, B.) Defied the laws of physics and should not have held the shape they did/stayed on her body, or C.) just plain UGLY (the highest crime of all), and for the animators to have the audACITY to put any of those things in the mere vicinity of the most stylish woman in the galaxy is an insult to Padmé, an insult to ME, and an insult to Star Wars as a whole (yes, I am mostly joking, but come on!).  No, I will not give the designers the excuse of clothing being difficult and expensive and time consuming to animate because I have SEEN the fancy, PRETTY outfits of the other ladies of Padmé’s status on the show.  Everything Satine Kryze wore was intricately beautiful as all hell and I loved it.  Riyo Chuchi’s two outfits were lovely and fashionable.  Heck, I’m pretty sure I liked Mina Bonteri’s outfit too.  There were tons of people on that show with stylish clothing!  How hard would it have been for the animators to remember Padmé doesn’t wear exposed midriffs on official government business?  That dresses with no sides or back cannot be sleeveless or they will not stay up?  Not give her hairstyles that looked like either a goddam tuning fork or like Jimmy Neutron’s mother?  That beige jumpsuits are BORING and adding a mauve vest is NOT enough to make it exciting!!!! xD xD xD 

Aight, now in more seriousness, I also hated both of Ahsoka’s outfits in the original TCW show.  Enough people have spoken on why sending a fourteen year old into an active warzone in a tube top and miniskirt is a BAD IDEA, but like it just makes me extra mad when you remember her older and more experienced at Not Getting Pulverized Masters were both in full concealing robes and chest and shoulder and shin armor, so you can’t even pass it off as Jedi not getting hurt as easily.  Her updated outfit was only slightly an improvement because her Masters STILL got at least fully covering robes and arm bracers, while Ahsoka still had her entire back exposed, leg holes exposing valuable arteries and stuff, and a goddam boob window that basically signals “shoot me here”.  Look, I know the animators goofed, and I know how they have learned from it because from Rebels on, they never show her as improperly covered for battle, in the new TCW season both outfits are cute and practical too, but seeing her running around in her red outfits actively impeded and took me out of my watching experience because I was cringing over her having a lack of protection, that it made her that much more vulnerable to injury.

Finally just gotta give a standard raised finger to the Slave Leia Bikini.  Carrie Fisher hated it so I do too.

[ghostmeep]

Aaaaaaaaa okay another quick [I apparently don’t understand the meaning of quick] commentary post about chapter 367, this time with screenshots, because there is s o much to unpack he r e [I though I was done, but haHA guESS NoT]

Spoilesrsrs ahea d [this is just me gushing over Furudate and Kageyama [with a bit of Yama, Tsukki, and Suga] and how i am kinda okay with the reason Karasuno lost because it makes sense to me, and just more gushing in general awoeinaowien] 

First, that colour sprea  d 

Beautiful as always, but ju s t damn can I take a moment to appreciate it fully? 

The quote at the top too. It’s basically saying the same thing as the chapter title (’our spring is over’) but it’s less final than the chapter title. Saying it this way, at the start of the chapter, when the chapter title isn’t known yet - it still gives the sense of hope. ‘This same spring will never come again’ so we gotta win now because it won’t come again it’s just another motivation for them to WIN. Coupled with the image itself? With everyone (minus Hinata) pushing forward full with determination????? YoU ARE STILL ANTICIPATING KARASUNO TO WIN

BUT NOPE

And okay, just a small insert here - because you all should be warned that Kageyama is favourite and I’m 100000% biased in everything I say because of it.

BuT KageyaMA IN fRonT. I have to admit, my biased self was really kinda hoping for Kageyama to lead Karasuno to victory. THoUGh ofc that isn’t what Haikyuu!! Is about - you don’t just win (or lose) because of one person. but because of how reliable he seemed ALL thROuGHoUT nationals and during ch 366 esp, i was really kinda hoping Karasuno would win because Kageyama would be able to fully draw out ALL of his spikers’ potential (as he has been striving to be able to do) [though I think he still got close!!!! With his teamwork with Tsukishima making leaps and bounds, and being able to send a quick to Yamaguchi as soon as he stepped on the court] 

BuT ANYWAYS I digress [from what? dunno, there really isn’t a point to this post]

Oh wait, actually one more gush about Kageyama

IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE’VE SEEN SOMEONE’S SURPRISED/AWED/CREEPED OUT REACTION TO KAGEYAMA’S PRECISE TOSSES BLE S S E D 

ALSO 

CAn we talk about how smooTHLY Yamaguchi stepped onto the court????????????? BABY CROW IS ALL GROWN UP He’s officially over the intimidation of stepping onto the court - even when now it was more than just to serve!! So much so that it wasn’t highlighted at all!! SO PROUD!!! Can you imagine just how much more he’ll be able to grow in the comings years??? [Though now I suppose we don’t have to imagine aowienaowien we’ll get to see it in canon]

Ah also, I said this in my previous post, but since that post was 100% a mess since it was just me word vomiting onto tumblr [not that this is that much different--] I want to say again, that even though I am biased to Kageyama, and I wanted him to be able to bring Karasuno to victory, I understand why he couldn’t [besides the fact that no one person can do it alone moral] 

But Kageyama’s jump serve is still, give or take, less than a year old 

It’s been in the making for less than a year, it’s not at its peak yet. The fact that he was able to make national veterans like Kamomedai struggle as much as he did is amazing. 

They weren’t aiming for a perfect receive off of Kageyama’s serve. Nozawa, who is a third year in this powerhouse school - who has probably had plenty of practice receiving powerful serves - was just aiming to ‘get a hand on it’ 

But, Nozawa is a third year in a powerhouse school with plenty of experience. He was able to ‘get a hand on’ Kageyama’s still developing serve. So it makes sense that Kageyama’s serve wasn’t enough to give Karasuno the win

ANd it makes sense why Karasuno lost

I would have been slightly upset if Karasuno lost just because Hinata wasn’t able to play, but I don’t think that is what Furudate-sensei was trying to show us. 

It wasn’t even just the fact that Tsukishima got a muscle strain and had to be pulled from the match either.

It’s been said again and again in canon, actually. It’s the same as Kageyama’s serve - Karasuno, in general, are still developing. Yes, the fact that they are always changing and coming up with new things helped them get this far, but it’s also true that because almost all of their new attacks that have been getting them points - are still not perfected yet. 

Karasuno is still new, half their starters are 1st years, and all of that, paired with the fact that they just got a really bad break with the line up (facing a the second seeded school, then the next day facing with their rivaled school in a long rally heavy match, then facing Kamomedai on the same day?? OOF) All of that is the reason Karasuno lost. It wasn’t just because Hinata was taken out.

ANywAYS 

I FULLY expect Kageyama giving Tsukishima setting tipS

Because it’s true that the setter isn’t the only one who sets the ball, it can’t always return to the setter perfectly after all. I WANT KAGEYAMA TO GIVE TSUKISHIMA SETTING TIPS AWOIEANWOEIN

Not that Tsukishima isn’t doing an amazing job without them [seTTING IS DIFFICULT] but still

Also,

Tsukishima PLEASE

You really are just like Hinata. You really can’t deny it at this point aowienAOIWENAWE

I mean seriously, loOK AT THAT FACE

IS THAT NOT A HINATA CHASING AFTER THE BALL FACE??????????????

Anddddddddddd Suga-san being as cool as always awoienaowien

It hurts, because he is correct. In this situation Yamaguchi was 100% the right choice [too bad it ended before Yamaguchi could really shine] 

And it hurts, because Suga won’t regret his words here even with their loss.

Speaking of their loss;;;;;;;;

ThAT cOMP THO

Everyone’s expressions awoeinaowiena and the third years, being the main focus, because this title is about them, it’s all of Karasuno’s ended spring, but it was their lAST spring. 

But look at their faces.

I really appreciate Furudate-sensei’s choice here. They aren’t gritting their teeth or expressing frustration or sadness in any way [yet] Because of their stoic expressions, it really drives it all home. Our Spring is Over. Just a fact being stated. It’s just....so final.

I’ve seen some people hope that there is a foul that will be called next chapter, but I can’t see that happening. The only foul that would help Karasuno right now is if Hoshiumi hit the net, but there is no indication that he was even close to doing so, and it would feellllllll kinda cheap to take away the finality in this chapter like that. 

So, Karasuno’s spring is over. 

But I have to admit, as much as this is painful, and as much as I’ve been obsessed over this loss for days now, I am still excited for what is to come????

I want to see the third years expressing that they’ve had no regrets with their team. That they are proud of their underclassmen and looking forward to what they’ll do next year

I want to see everyone seeing the third years off during graduation.

I want to see Ennoshita being CAPTAIN

I want to see the current first years being SENPAI 

-- I WANT NEW FIRST YEARS TO LOOK UP TO THE CURRENT ONES

like can you imagine Kageyama walking on eggshells around them at first because lets face it he was not the kindest senpai in middle school anD HE’S CHANGED AND HE WANTS TO TRY AND DO BETTER [but then Hinata does something stupid and he ends up yelling in front of them anyways] BuT new first years still SUPER impressed with Kageyama’s toss aoweinOAWIEAWE I WANT a baby setter to go up to Kageyama and ask him for help and tiPS and Kageyama giViNG them in his dumb clumsy way 

I want Tsukishima to act cold and cruel but the first years still being impressed with him and he just doesn’t know how to compute. He’s not used to anyone but Yamaguchi being so impressed with him. 

HinATA would just be like Tanaka and Noya probably awoeinaoWENAWe but it would be so cute because he would still completely get all excited and call Tanaka and Noya senpai all the time when he’s impressed with them s o aoweinawei 

I want Yamaguchi to get all the lo v e he desERVES and a baby new first year to go up to him and say ‘i was never really good at volleyball and was never a regular but i saw you play as the pitch server and i got inspired thinking maybe i can do that too’

ANd I know that we won’t be getting all [or even any] of that but i’m still hyped alright aoweinaowen

But seriously, I want to see what kind of first years Karasuno will get [and mmaYBE hoPEfuLLY it’ll be a decent amount? Not like ten because fact of the matter is is that they DIDN’T win, but three or so would be cool.] 

I want to see Karasuno FINALLY getting the gold that they deserve after seeing this loss that they had to face. 

I would even want to see the current first years be third years, if Furudate-sensei takes us that far. JuSttttttttt sooo many opportunities from here on out??? 

Basically, i’m just 100% stuck in volleyball hell.

[ibroughtthisonmyselfpixels]

Replies for the Third Batch

SoS 21

@toxoplasmajuice replied to your photoset “Eden Lee: “…it’s almost time, isn’t it? Can I…? Before I go?” Lorelei:...”

im only crying a little

Like I said at the time: coming from you, the stoic, that is huge

@autistichatkid replied to your photoset “Lavandar: “I- I mean, if we step back, there is a lot to be happy...”

im waiting til queue end to read thru (i get overwhelmed and forget stuff if i try to read while it's coming out for long queues) but i read this and it really struck me how comfortable lav has gotten and im!!!!! so happy!!!!!! and youre writing her such justice and im. aaaaaaaaa

aaaaaaaaaaaaa I am so happy I’ve been doing her well! but then you already know that cus I’ve been consistently glad you’ve said so through so many of these episodes and as the end gets closer I only continue to get more relieved that I’ve allowed her to grow while still being the same Lavandar we love. Especially cus -

autistichatkid replied to your photoset “Lorelei: “C’mere?”  Lavandar: *moves into Lorelei’s arms gratefully* ...”

oh that. caught me off guard right in the heart sdjgj

I told you (well, I told melien) that writing Eden Lee made me cry? Yeah, this too

@harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Lyra: “Oh my god- Lorelei!!”

Oh shit

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “*THWACK* Lyra: “Oww!! L- Lethe, you s- sonnuva… bitch…” *thud*”

Oh /shit/

toxoplasmajuice replied to the same:

oh SHIT

Three degrees of shit-aration

That was terrible I apologize

autistichatkid replied to your photoset “Then, maybe - maybe - we’ll finally be free.” – End of Episode 21 –”

im :o

@bountifulberries replied to the same:

ahh!!!!

We are so CLOSE to the truth I can taste it. tastes like grilled cheese

autistichatkid replied to your post “Episode 21: Appoggiatura Credits”

mmmmmmmm im suddenly scared that eden lee caught up im trying to fight the urge to check last ep's scores bc i dont wanna spoil it but. fear 

god the restraint I am having to exert on myself right now to stop myself confirming things one way or the other,,,,

bountifulberries replied to the same:

the suspense in this episode was AHH!! so well done. you've done such an awesome job writing this, i could never have pulled it off. so excited (and nervous!!) to see how it goes!!

Thank you so much!! 

A lot of people already know this, but I don’t think you do and I cannot lie to you - SoS 22 is something I’ve been looking forward to writing Since The Fucking Beginning. As it’s gotten nearer and nearer to being a reality, I’ve, like. Vibrated?? out of existence?? Because there’s a lot in there that I want you all to see and react to and AAA! And, like I said or think I said yesterday, cus I’ve done a decent to good job retaining my pace so far, things are currently looking definitely on track for a timely 23rd to 25th release for this finale, so you’ll be able to see exactly what’s gotten me so excited very very soon! I hope to god the result meets all of your expectations! 

AR 45-51

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photoset “And, of course, a lot of kicking of balls and bags well into the...”

it's a bag if you cut open the stitches and spill all the beans out onto the floor

Well I mean yeaaaaaaaaah but

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “The ice cold fear returns with a vengeance, freezing what once drowned...”

😨 

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photoset “Sophie: “Oh Mama, Bibi… I’m in love!!” ”

🤔🤔🤔

only three replies including the bag one but the concern is palpable my friends

[scummy-writes]

Con Adventures!

--- Day One ---

The first day of con was pretty neat, and the very first thing we did was make our way to the dealers room so we could get to Cheritz's merch booth asap! The line to the room was kind of crazy, and I had never really been made to wait in such a long line for the dealers room before, but it was worth it finally getting to the booth!

(One side of it, I never managed to get a picture of the other side ;×; )

Thankfully the line wasn't too big, and everyone was very kind! I ended up spending....a lot.... but a fun thing the booth did was give you these bags if you bought something! The front and back looked like this:

While in line, I got to meet Mantamints, Mod Zen from Doodlemessenger, and Saeranuu! They were all such sweethearts and so nice, and Saeranuu even gave me a postcard!

So cute!! I was with Crystalsoul16 and Byebi during the con, and so Byebi was where I got the adorable Seven sticker from!

Pretty soon after saying hi and so on, we wondered around the dealers room until it was about time for the autographs to start, and we sat in the pre-line for a while and messed around on our phones while fawning over our bags.

I ran into the V and Yoosung cosplayer then, and got a picture, but right before then the Yoosung had asked if we wanted them to punch V before the picture and I ended up going "nOOOOO!" while laughing a lot. They were funny and kind!

For the autographs line it was really nerve inducing! I've only managed autographs from bands I've enjoyed before, but this had me so nervous, aaa orz Everyone has fun stories, but all I ended up doing was saying "Thank you" 2937947 times like a broken record, because I was too scared to say much else and didn't want to bother them.

They weren't mean, of course, and were incredibly sweet, but....ya know....anxiety. I ended up wearing my RFA badge to get the paper, and I'm so happy I was able the paper! I didn't......really.....bring....anything to sign....outside of that KSHSKDK i was a dumbass.

V's voice actor ended up asking for clarification on how to say my name, but since it's a little difficult he ended up pronouncing it wrong, and....without thinking...i corrected him, and I really regret doing that because he apologized a bit and I had to sit there feeling like a jerk o|-< People get my name wrong all the time at work so I'm used to rolling with it, so I have no idea what possessed me to correct him.

The autograph paper was great because they ended up having the VAs that couldn't come presign it! I'm so happy to be able to get all of them, but I'm also incredibly happy Sujin Ri was able to sign it was well! She looked so happy being asked to sign it!

After that, it was more wandering around the con, and I managed to run into Crystalstellar!! She gave me skeleton washi tape rolls ;v; She remembered I love skellies....

I closed my first day with this beauty:

I know its not MM related, but a quick note- People who can play this machine on extreme and get over 90% completion are insane and terrifying, but amazing to watch! Me and another guy were in line for the machines watching two dudes absolutely ROCK and we ended up talking about how awesome they were at it!

--- Day Two ---

I know everyone wants me to get to the panel stuff asap, probably, but for a little while I didn't even think we were going to make it to the panel! Crystal, Bibi, and I left the hotel early enough to try and get a good spot in line for the panel, but ended up getting stuck in a line for bag checks that wrapped around to the back of the first building.

I'm very, very, very, v e r y, thankful they did bag checks- incredibly thankful, but we waited in line for a while in super hot weather, with folks in full body costumes and such around us, only for them to...barely even check my bag????? The first day I had a small purse, and the woman checked the pockets fast and efficiently, and sent me on my way, but the second day I had a backpack on and the dude completely ignored two pockets?

I even pointed it out to them because they were big enough to like, put dangerous shit in if someone wanted to, and he told me to go ahead anyway? Like....if you're going to have a bag check line so big and make a big deal out of it, why the fuck aren't you actually checking the bags???

Jesus christ. I'm thankful no one wanted to do anything dangerous at the con.

Anyway, we ended up making it to the panel line in good enough time to get good seats, and eventually got in!

Before talking about the panel, I do want to link This Post where Mod Zen from Doodlemessenger recorded the panel from their spot! As of right now the official panel video isn't out, so this is nice for those of you who couldn't come! (Be sure to thank Mod Zen!!)

I don’t know what all to say about the panel, to be honest, especially after linking a video about it, but the person who set up the sound/video and was introducing the game was so funny and sweet. He seemed very nervous, but I felt like he helped give a calm air to the room, you know? He wasn’t afraid to joke around a little and he explained how surprised they were that so many people showed up.

I wasn’t really expecting them to play the opening video, but hearing everyone sing along made me happy ahhh ;;;; I get stupidly emotional over stuff like that ;w; And people actually cheered for Jaehee and Yoosung!!! I was so happy at that too!! I hope Cheritz can see that lots of people love them as well aaaaaa

I did like how they had the VA’s come out to reinact a few key VNS, and I was pretty surprised they had Ray’s VA do That VN, but it was so nice seeing and hearing all of them live, aaa.....aaaaa

I think my favorite parts of the panels were Sujin Ri explaining her thought process with the characters, and then the Va’s talking about how they felt towards their character/others. It was interesting hearing it all, and honestly Sujin Ri talking about how Seven came to be killed me o|-< I just really wanted to give her a hug after that. 

However, when she was talking about Jumin, and confirming he went through something traumatic with his mother, I felt aaah...sad and worried. Of course I’m not sure if she meant his birth mother, or a step mother, but I’m hoping that one theory I had isn’t actually true. It’s one thing to have it as a theory, but it possibly being true really....really....hurts. Not trying to say I hate that being written in, but I just don’t want these characters to have such hardships weeps

Hearing that Rika purposely made Yoosung weaker as well hurt.  aaah o|-< I dont know why I had hoped otherwise, though, when its apparent that she hardly had any sincere relationships of any kind. 

And speaking of, I was very thankful that Sujin Ri said that she had aimed for folks to see V and Rika's relationship as abusive- because it is. That's not me pointing to shippers and trying to mock them, I just mean I'm thankful that she was blunt about that, and that there's a good of how some relationships seem perfect at a glance, but once you pay more attention you can see how abusive some really are.

In my opinion, theres a lot of relationships portrayed as healthy or ideal in most medias, so I'm thankful when some abusive ones arent always shown as the same carbon-copy cutout tropes people often try and show them as- so that people can see abuse takes many shapes and aren't always covered in warning flags.

Ahh, serious topics aside, I also think V's va was....a huge highlight of the panel. He was hilarious, sweet, and, well...the Rika thing killed me akahjwhkwbqjshdkg

A lot of people are probably very upset the panel didn't get to Rika, and also didn't get to a Q&A session, but I hope you all realize that they were trying very hard to cover all the bases. Apparently, the con ended up cutting their time short, but I don't have any links to prove that, it was just what I've heard.

I'm assuming they're probably going to upload the video and maybe have an addition of Rika with talk of her VA (I hooope T_T) and try to answer the online Q&A's in some sort of format.

There's parts of the panel I didn't mention directly, and I want you guys to know that doesn't mean I hated those parts- I loved the whole panel. All of it. Every bit- I just don't see a reason to go over every little bit when I've linked a post with a recording of the panel, aaa... But if you guys wanna ask questions about my thoughts on things, please feel free! I love asks like that.

After the panel we ended up wandering around the artist alley a lot! I felt bad I couldn't snap some pics of another Rika cosplayer (and there was someone dressed as V's mom too!!!!!!!), but I had loads of fun! There were so many more MM cosplayers out on Sat, and it was so cool seeing all of them! I even ran into someone that looked so much like Saeran!! (But my friend took pictures of them, haha, I ended up getting too shy to ask if I could take one).

At the end of the night, I got to play Sushi Go with friends! I talked a little about that in a previous post, but it was so fun!

And...then I snuck to the Miku machines before the game room closed aaaaaaaaa

--- Day Three ---

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Went home.

Dhskjdkd I know some of you are probably like "Whaaaat!" Because there was another autograph signing, and as much as I love Cheritz and the Va's, there was an 8 hr drive ahead of me, and parking in Washington is fucking insane. Me and Crystal decided to head home as early as we could, and I'm glad for that because it was pretty late when we got back orz

I still have a lot to do, like find a proper pillow for my ray emoji case, and to hang up everything I bought, so I'm sorry for this post taking so long orz I'm still exhausted

Thank you for reading!!

[dollofdeath]

long time no text post, but oh my goodness i just wanted to gather my thoughts on lupinranger vs patranger because it’s reignited my love for super sentai www

if you guys follow me on twitter, then you’ll probably have seen most of this lol but i wanted to put everything into a semi-coherent post so without further ado i’ll be throwing my ramblings under the read more haha

i guess i’ll just preface this with saying that this is gonna be a mix of analyzing, headcanons, speculation, and me going “AAAAAAAAA” and will be pretty long ehe

haha anyways, i was verrryyy cautiously optimistic about this show -- still am, since it’s still in the first cour, but i’ve been very pleased with what we’ve been getting so far -- but i??? just don’t even know where to begin

the very concept of two opposing sentai teams is such a novel idea in the first place and so far the dynamic has been really fun to watch! i love both teams, though i have to admit i am just a biiit more into the pats haha

oh jeez, first off all, i love how well the teams parallel each other?? i’m sure kairi // keiichiro, touma // sakuya, and umika // tsukasa are noticeable so i won’t really get into it, but there’s also another way the teams act as parallels

okay so when the teams line up, the pats are tsukasa, keiichiro, and sakya; when the lupins line up, they’re touma, kairi, and umika. in this way, you can see another set of foils!!

kairi // keiichiro stay the same since they’re in the middle, but now we also have touma // tsukasa and sakuya // umika. touma and tsukasa are both the eldest of their teams and the most mature; touma is also described as “cold” and tsukasa is a “cool beauty” haha. sakuya and umika are both the youngest of their teams and also the most naive and least experienced

(also fun fact the pats are lined up shortest to tallest; the lupins tallest to shortest -- they literally mirror each other!)

and can i talk about how the team dynamics are kinda parallel each other?? because wow!! keiichiro and tsukasa know each other pretty well -- i’m not sure how close they would consider themselves, but they have a history since they spent time together in the police academy. personally, i see them as having a sort of supportive sibling kind of relationship and ground each other. then we have sakuya, who we can consider the outsider of the dynamic since he’s the youngest and least experienced

meanwhile with the lupins, kairi and umika are closer in age than with touma, which probably makes interactions with each other easier. i sorta see them as having one of those teasing, bantering sibling-like relationships (to contrast keiichiro and tsukasa’s haha). and then there’s touma, who’s a bit of an outsider in this dynamic since he’s the eldest and doesn’t necessarily have the same mentality as them

and goodness...!! i think the possible dynamics and interactions are so interesting!!

*wheezes* i’ve been trying to refrain from jumping onto ships this early, but... i’m like completely down for kairi/keiichiro --

shipping aside, i’m sure their dynamic will be explored throughout the show since they’re both the reds. i can totally see something like keiichiro eventually becoming an older brother figure to kairi in place of shori, but eventually keiichiro learns about who kairi really is and feels Betrayed TwT or perhaps kairi befriends keiichiro in order to gain more intel but eventually starts caring about him and is faced with a Moral Dilemma haha

nonetheless, i love how already we can see kairi and keiichiro slowly gaining respect for each other?? it’s more apparent with kairi -> keiichiro, since we see the moments where he stops and goes “huh... mr. hot blooded policeman isn’t so bad.” meanwhile, keiichiro is still learning to see that everything isn’t so black and white, what with how episode 6 ended, and i absolutely cannot wait for the day they team up together!!

umika/sakuya is also another dynamic i’m on the look out for! omg it’s like... on one hand, i can feel umika for being internal screams whenever sakuya tries to talk to her, but i’m also down if they do become a couple. at the very least, sakuya seems respectful of umika and i’m glad for that -- he just doesn’t know how to be subtle about his feelings LOL but considering how things are now, i can see their relationship being like umika slowly gaining respect for sakuya and maybe eventually returning his feelings

i think something that would be cute would be if sakuya also fell for lupin yellow and was sort of “stuck” between them hehe either way, i could see sakuya taking a hit for umika (either while she’s a civilian or lupin yellow) and that could lead to umika changing her perspective on him www

but in the meantime, i am forever amused at how kairi just gives umika this shit-eating grin every time sakuya comes in to the bistro; i bet he teases her about sakuya’s crush on her all the time haha

touma and tsukasa is a ship i’d totally be down for if touma wasn’t so dedicated to aya haha but!! i think, once the teams start working together, touma and tsukasa could possibly get along. i can see them being the exasperated parents, bonding over how much shit they have to deal with from their teammates haha 

though... i’m not eliminating the possibility of touma/tsukasa --

could you imagine that, once they get to know each other better, tsukasa starts reminding touma of aya?? maybe in her mannerisms and beliefs, but wow, that would be heartbreaking haha

(man, just in general, i tend to gravitate towards cross-team pairings so that probably influences how i see things lol)

man, i’d also love to see tsukasa become like an older sister to umika and kairi?? haha idk, i think it’d be cute for them to call her “tsukasa-nee” and tsukasa looking out for them ;w; and also i want touma and sakuya to have moments together, mainly because i want sakuya to act over enthusiastically around him (”touma-san!!”) and touma to be like “wtf get lost” hahaha

omgggg, i know the whole point of the show is that the teams oppose each other, but i am completely ready for the day they join together *clenches fist*

and the characters!! are just so much fun ;w; i love all of them, but right now i think my faves are tsukasa and keiichiro. tsukasa is just highkey Relatable, being the mature one with deep dark secret of liking cute things hehe but i do hope we get to see more development from her, and i love love love how intuitive she is and how she was able to get a hunch about who the lupins really are. and keiichiro, he... had me at “ONORE KAITOU” lol but episode 6 really cemented how much i love him, he’s just so passionate and dedicated to his job?? sure, he’s reckless but i respect that he’s willing to keep himself in check. and like, underneath all the hot-bloodedness, he seems like a genuinely nice guy and very loyal ;u; 

umika is also making her way up my faves, especially with episode 7?? her backstory is so sad, i wish i could hug her ;u; and to me... she seems to exhibit symptoms of PTSD, seeing how she froze up after seeing kairi get eaten by the gangler and it reminding her of shiho ;o; i’m really proud of her though, for being able to get through her hardships and come up with a plan all on her own! hhh, i’m really looking forward to seeing everyone develop really!!

and aaaaaa omg, the cast themselves is perfect?? if you follow me on twitter, you probably see me gushing about them all the time haha but they seem to get along so well and have a lot of fun with each other -- there’s that chemistry among them and it really shows on screen! ;w;

i’d also like to talk about the OST, like... i’m forever sad that there’s no ED, but the OP, derivatives of it, and the BGM is amazing. i remember listening to the previews of “chase you up” and “spin the dial” and thought that, though they sounded nice, there was something lacking. then i heard the complete OP and my jaw literally dropped at hearing the two songs combined to create the OP -- it felt complete, like both teams complete each other ashdfsd

speaking of which, i think i prefer “chase you up” to “spin the dial” but when it comes to the BGM, i prefer the lupins’ theme hehe. something i found really neat in the lupins’ theme is that there’s this section that sounds like the “HA-SHI-RE~ HA-SHI-RE~” part from the OP and... idk if it really means much, i just love it when i can hear familiar motifs haha

hhh thanks if you read all this haha sentai has always been my fave toku series but i felt like recent years have been lackluster since go-busters?? of course, i enjoyed some of the past few years, like toq and zyuoh, but i didn’t feel that same passion i did when i first got into sentai. i was worried that maybe i was “getting too old” or maybe just falling out of love, but!! i’m so happy with lupinpat so far and i’m excited to be excited about sentai again ;w;

tl;dr i love japanese children’s cops and robbers

[illnesssecretsanta]

for the ever-lovely @taylor-tut aaaaaaaaa i was so happy to be your secret santa omg i love your blog!! and im really interested in these characters now. I hope that i did them any justice at all, because i didn't have a whole lot about them and their interactions to go on?? and also its not all that long so im sorry but i still hope its alright? so i hope that they are as wonderful as im sure you write them. enjoy lovely!!!!

Kari didn’t get sick often. And when she did, it was usually just an easy, minor cold or something. But this? This was some bullshit. Bull. Shit.

She’d woken up yesterday feeling a little yucky. No, no, that was too serious. A little… under the weather. But even that was a stretch. A little off. Just a bit. She had had a headache and was parched when she’d woken up after one, two, three and a half hours of sleep for about the sixth night in a row. She’d been busy, okay? The grind never stops, you know. And, of course, she knew it wasn’t good for her. But she had stuff to do! So she’d gotten a glass of water for her parched throat and closed her eyes for a moment before going on with her day. The headache persisted, but so did she.

Then, she’d woken up the next morning -this morning- and BLAM, more than a bit off. She’d thrown her blankets off in the middle of the night apparently; she vaguely remembered that it had been scorching hot. But now she was shivering like crazy. Despite how hot she’d been last night, she was freezing now.

She sat up in bed and felt her shirt cling to her back. Her thick, dark hair was clumped against the back of her neck. She ran her hands through it and could feel how drenched in sweat it was. All of her was. She groaned and reluctantly -hoping against hope that she wouldn’t be disappointed- touched the back of her shaky hand to her forehead. It was hot. Too hot. She was disappointed.

She groaned again and swung her legs out of bed. With as useless as she normally was, she couldn’t afford to lay in bed all day, out of commission. She had things to do. For one thing, she had to go out but some food (it was her day to buy the week’s supply) and meet then Ruby back at the small cottage in which they were staying to talk about where they were going next. They’d been travellling for a while. A glance at her pocketwatch told her it was 7:12. She had to get moving.

But standing up was a bad choice. Big mistake. The world spun around her at the same time a searing pain shot through her skull. She cried out in pain and yanked her hands to grasp her head. The sharp movement knocked her off balance and she sunk to the floor, slamming her knees against the carpet.

She took a deep breath in, shaky and unsure. She sat there for what felt like five minutes, just clutching her head in agony. But after some time, the pain subsided. She blinked heavily and raised her head back up. She had to stand up. She couldn’t just lay here all day; she had things to do. So, grabbing the post of her the bedframe, she hoisted herself back up onto her knees. She couldn’t really see clearly because the whole room was spinning and blurry, but she knew where the door was, and she could make out shapes and colors just fine. Ignoring the pain in her head, she stood up all the way.

Now that she was standing, she was sure that she was ready. She’d fallen asleep in her pirate jacket, so she was already dressed. Her hair was a mess around her shoulders, but she figured it was no big deal. So she took a step and headed towards the door. If she’d thought she was having trouble before, she was in for a most unpleasant surprise with that first step. Her legs might as well have had a mind of their own, because they did not obey. No, in fact, instead of planting onto the floor to walk, they buckled and then loosened and she crumpled to the floor again.

Tears were already prickling the back of her eyes. Yeah, there was no way she’d be able to make it out of her room, down the stairs, through the woods, and into town in order to buy food at the market, and then make it back, and certainly not in time to meet with Ruby at 8;30 like they’d discussed. She took shallow breaths, focusing on what she should do. It was her turn to buy the food. And Ruby had told her two days ago that they needed a private conversation to talk about their rnext move. Saving the universe requires planning, you know. But how could they save anything if she was like this on the floor? They couldn’t. That’s why she had to get up. She had to get up and find Ruby. She had to-… Fuck, she couldn’t even think, her head hurt so badly. She thought she felt a tear slide out through her squeezed-shut eye, but she couldn’t really tell. Basically, every feeling she could feel was blocked out by how terrible she felt right now, by how badly her head hurt, by how clammy and suffocated she felt laying in a ball on the floor. She just knew she had to go out and find Ruby. She had to find Ruby. That’s all she could think about.

“Ruby,” she slurred, but nobody was even there to hear it, of course. She repeated this sad slur with a sore throat and tears quietly sliding down her flushed cheeks for as long as she could. She couldn’t tell how long it was. She just knew it hurt her throat. Somewhere in the distance, she could hear someone calling her name.

“Kari,” they said, a hundred miles away. “Kari, oh my god, Kari?”

“Ruby?” she said weakly again.

“Kari! Can you hear me?”

She only croaked out, “Ruby?” And then she heard nothing and felt nothing.

Kari woke up many long hours later in a room that was not hers. There was something on her head, something heavy and cold and wet. She began to reach up for it but-

“Don’t move.”

Kari groaned and pried her eyes open. The blinds were drawn, but the amount of light in the room still sent a pulse of pain through her head. Slowly looking around the room, she saw Ruby in a wooden chair by the side of her bed.

“Ruby?”

Her arms were crossed and her eyes were steely. Her jaw was clenched tight.

“So, when were you planning on telling me that you were sick?” Ruby asked. Her voice was cold.

“Ruby?” Kari asked again. It was about the only thing she could think of right now.

Ruby pressed her lips together, the frustration obvious. “Yes, it’s me.”

“The food,” Kari said, the memory coming back to her. It was half a question, and half an apology.

“I had Leora get it.”

“Ruby, I’m-”

“Don’t,” hissed Ruby. “How long have you been sick?”

“Sick?” Kari croaked.

“Sick,” Ruby repeated slowly. “Your temperature was 104.7 when I found you. So, how long?”

“I… don’t know,” Kari admitted. “I, uh, felt kinda weird yesterday.” She looked around, now noticing it was dark in the room. A candle was lit in the corner, but that was about the only light in the room. “Wait, what day is it?”

“Oh, you’ve been asleep for about 20 hours, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Yes,” Kari said slowly. 20 hours? How was that even possible? “I haven’t really been getting much sleep recently.”

Ruby frowned. “Apparently not.”

Kari seemed to miss any frsutration in Ruby’s voice at all. “So, wait, what happened?”

Ruby raised her eyebrows. “You don’t remember?”

“Not a whole lot. It’s fuzzy.”

“Uh huh,” Ruby said. “Well, I found you on the floor of your room after you didn’t show up to mine by 9. I asked the innkeeper if she’d seen you leave, but she said she hadn’t seen anyone leave since last night. I asked Leora if she’d talked to you since the night before, but she said no. So I went to your room to check if mabye you were still alseep.”

Kari gulped. “I was-”

“On the floor, crying and whimpering and not even half conscious.” She uncrossed her arms and sat forward, grabbing the thing on Kari’s forehead. Kari could now tell that it was a washcloth. Ruby flipped it over and replaced it on Kari’s head, a new wave of cool water easing a slight pain Kari hadn’t noticed was there. “I was calling your name for a good three minutes before you even said anything. You just… wouldn’t wake up. You weren’t bleeding or anything, you were just… laying. You finally answered. You said my name. But I could barely even hear it. Then I touched you and flipped you over, and you were cooking in that thing.” She nodded towards the foot of the bed, where Kari’s pirate coat was now laying.

“Oh,” Kari said. She hadn’t even realized she wasn’t wearing it.

“And once you said my name that once, you were out for real. Deadweight. So I brought you over here, took your temperature, and then tried to do what I could. I’ve been replacing your washcloth pretty often, but I couldn’t do much for the fever snice you were still asleep.”

“I was calling your name for a while, I think,” Kari said.

“You were?”

Kari blinked.

“For how long?”

“I don’t know. Since I was on the floor.”

“Oh,” is all that Ruby said. She didn’t know that Kari had been there for so long.

There was a long pause. Kari was almost entirely asleep again before Ruby spoke.

“Okay. I’m gonna go bring you some food. I have some tea for you, but I don’t want you to sit up just yet, so just stay there. I’ll be right back.”

Kari nodded slowly, sleepily. She watched Ruby leave the room and close the door behind her. Then she watyched the flame of the candle dance until her eyelids slipped shut again.

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 98 Thoughts

Can my post this month just have a bunch of pictures of fish flopping around on the ground? Because at this moment, that is what this chapter has spawned the greatest empathy in me for.

At least the fish get to die.

The Marley saga never dies.

It is an evil Energizer Bunny come for us all.

My ability to care about the Marley side has been dying (dead?) for a while, but I think this chapter is where I just can’t stand it anymore. I just. The last bit of my creative energy went into being envious of a dying fish. I don’t care about Marley’s continued horribleness. I don’t care about moments of levity for the young kidlets who are either going to die terrible deaths or coerce other cast members into dying terrible deaths. I do not care about Diet Reiss. The Giants aren’t in the playoffs, so I really don’t care about baseball.

Have a Zeke.

.Someone wake me from this nightmare.

Turning the volume down on my mental screams a tad... I’m still trapped in how little I care about any of this.

Large portions of it are clearly framework for things that haven’t happened yet. Staring at scaffolding that doesn’t even have the decoration of drying paint isn’t my usual definition of fun. I appreciate that the story is setting up its dominoes, and looks to be taking significant care with doing so, but--well, in lieu of repeating myself ad nauseam, yeah.

What it really comes down to, I think, is that these aren’t our protagonists. The kidlets and the Warriors are all the shining stars of the Marleyan Eldians, and Magath and Willy surely have some other grand scheme going on to propel the plot into interesting places for their country.

So what?

For ninety chapters, the story has been preoccupied with the concerns of a tiny island. Eight chapters with people who don’t consider their stories worth hearing about can’t elicit the same responses.

We get the highest concentration of levity we’ve had in ages with this chapter, and a lot of it is thanks to tiny children. They’re small and cute and innocent. The impulse to sympathize is ready and waiting, and it is very keenly exploited here. Who wouldn’t want two pages depicting how completely whipped Reiner is by a set of four children?

It’s a humanizing element, and more fun to read than much of this arc has been, but it’s difficult to feel that it has a real point.

One of the reasons previous chapters have worked, even through some pits and clumsiness, is that Reiner gets most of the attention. Reiner, happy about it or not, is a person who is familiar with both worlds of this conflict.

Paradis is not just a place with monsters to him, the way it is for Zeke. It’s the place of Reiner’s nightmares because he lived a life there, and deep down, he understands the citizens of Paradis.

His denial of that is a whole separate topic that could use a different chapter as a launchpad, but Reiner is still aware of the world in a way that the other cogs of Marley aren’t. He’s fully committed to our current perspective side, but he carries the burdens of both.

No one else has that problem. They have the age-old problem of titans in the world of humans. The kidlets are Eldians fighting for a better life for Eldians through supporting Marley. The Marleyans are trying to keep the rest of the world from eating them alive. The rest of the world is waiting to hear why they shouldn’t.

Paradis barely exists as a real place for the rest of the cast. It’s a mine. It’s there to supply people on the outside with the resources to survive.

All on its own, that’s not a bad thing to explore. The complete obliteration of any Paradis perspective is very much how the outside world functions in regard to the island. No one on any mainland cares about those people.

The audience doesn’t have that problem. Ninety chapters is a lot of history.

So that’s part of it. The other part is what I’ve been railing against nearly every month since this arc started.

Marley sucks.

The players of this arc are occupying a different story than the one we’re used to, and the fights they’re embittered in are ones that begin in such moral depravity that attempts to make their plight sympathetic fall flat. The Warriors are sympathetic because they’re being used, dragged forward by a carrot that no one seems to care about delivering. Likewise with the kidlets, since they’re too young to know anything but putting their best game face on and trying hard.

But the core of the conflict is that a bunch of jackasses can’t go a single generation without genocide, and those jackasses are not who the protagonists of this arc are preparing to go up against.

I have to compliment Isayama on how frustratingly human the night before the festival is, really. We get a more expansive look at Marley’s victims, and they have no love in their hearts for Eldians or Marley.

Willy’s okay, though.

Willy’s their buddy.

It doesn’t make any sense for people who hate Eldians and hate Marley to be okay with a man who represents both. But they are, because Willy is just one person, and he’s a person that these people have come to know. They’re familiar with him. He isn’t like those other Eldians. He isn’t like the rest of Marley. He’s a worthy human person.

No one at that party’s going to look at him and the little serving boy and think they have anything to do with each other, even though their blood has everything to do with why the little boy is going to be belittled by the people he’s bringing food to.

It’s disgusting, and it’s exactly what people do. As long as they never become the rule, there’s nothing wrong with exceptions. The idea that those exceptions mean the rules are ridiculous somehow never comes up.

As a depiction of humanity, it works pretty well, but going back to whining, it’s one more layer to how meaningless the destruction of this conflict is. This chapter’s ending tagline is, “Those who seek peace have no choice but to fight others who seek the same for themselves.”

If this statement is shooting for aphorism, no.

If it’s a commentary about Eldians fighting Eldians, yes, and the above no is why this is such a pain.

The Eldians in Marley are seeking peace from the treatment bestowed upon them by Marley. They are doing this by going after Paradis. The resulting sensible reaction to threat of genocide means that fighting happens, and that is a very sad thing.

Two sides, desperate for peace, should have the choice of not fighting. That can be very helpful for a thing like peace. But that choice has been systematically removed from one side, so. yay.

Characters with the very real and sympathetic desire for peace have all of that undermined by the active role they take in constantly keeping everything from being peaceful--in the name of peace.

What it boils down to is that the characters who have motivations that are understandable are repeatedly reaching the conclusion of genocide. You can’t sell that. Rooting for the bad guys is only fun when their selected aim is relatable.

Pulling off the perfect heist? Obviously wrong but LOOK HOW COOL

Defeating the undefeated superhero? Holy cow someone really did it.

Protecting your country? That’s normal, right?

Wanting a better world for your people? Awesome!

Genocide? ...

That is supposed to be one of the universal Not Okay things of the world. History books written by the societies who did that are very clear about it.

Even if all of the lives Marley has already cost Paradis are ignored, their mission statement when it comes to that island is that they want to steal something they have no claim to whatsoever. Solving your country’s problems by being the same entitled pricks that caused them to begin with is not a good thing.

There’s a lot of relatable material to be found in the hearts of Marleyan people. That doesn’t make their conclusions any less appalling, so all of this time devoted to this side of the conflict feels really, really pointless. Their reasons are nowhere close to excusing what they’re up to, and the story stepping into their world and listening to the side that says it totally does... The overall picture is pretty clear on condemning this tripe. These aren’t the people who are going to change the world for the better, and one thing this series consistently cares about is people trying to shoot higher. The close-ups of Marley digging a pit instead just aren’t working.

Now that I’ve said all that, the only logical conclusion is that Willy is going to announce at the festival that it is time for the world to become the bestest buddies with Paradis and not actually declare war on them or hurt them, and then they’ll be pals and prance off into the sunset with rainbows scattered like rose petals.

I’m only sort of kidding. Like I said, the story’s pretty clear on the whole that murder, oppression, and all the other things Marley picked up from their time under Eldia’s thumb are wrong. This deep into their perspective, one of the few twists remaining is doing something right, and less murder and more diplomacy might not be a bad start.

But this chapter kicks off with Reiner being ignored while he tries to help devise military strategies against Paradis, so that’s probably going to end up being too much to hope for.

I’m pretty terrible at plot speculation, which is probably another reason why this chapter finally sent me over the deep end. Magath and Tybur are clearly up to something, and I don’t care enough about either of them to be curious instead of frustrated. The basic thing was Magath needing an exterminator and an explosives expert, and Diet Reiss putting on a show, and I imagine both of those things are ominous foreshadowing of some kind and aaaaaaaaa

The one thing that I did kind of wonder about was Eren being a mouse with a baseball mitt. A few people have speculated that he’s actually in contact with Zeke, not island buddies, and if that’s the case, of course big brother is responsible for the glove, because baseball is the only way Zeke knows how to pretend he’s well-adjusted.

If it is from Zeke, then it seems likely that Eren is very much one of the mice Magath is talking about (and I’d very much like to know who the other ones are), but then that’s... its own type of weird. Presumably, Eren’s only contact with Zeke was that one awkward battlefield moment. Eren choosing to communicate with Zeke while he’s behind enemy lines just seems really, really risky, and I have no idea why he’d do that, but I also don’t know why the series would be so heavy-handed with the baseball stuff if it wasn’t meant to intensify the blood family feels in a significant fashion.

Knowing what the heck Eren is up to is probably going to help my feelings on these chapters greatly in the future.

Alas, that is not the now, and so I am left to suffer and ask myself why I ever thought writing a thing about a thing every month could end positively.

I do find it vaguely amusing that Eren’s first contact with his grandfather is encouraging him into a screaming fit. That probably just makes me a terrible person, but it feels oddly appropriate.

...Maybe Zeke left the glove for his grandad and Eren nicked it.

Wow, Eren. First stealing all of dad’s love, then stealing memories of precious moments with grandpa. This is why your found family is bonded to you through murder.

One thing in this chapter I did really like was the scene between Colt and Zeke. For Colt, watching Falco succeed is a horrible thing. He doesn’t want his little brother to end up cursed.

Galliard, watching nearby, had an older brother who thought the same thing. Marcel’s dead because of that fear.

Zeke, whose little brother is alive and who knows what else to him, understands big brother instincts and decides to go play catch with his successor (probably the closest thing to a brother he has access to at the moment).

Meanwhile Galliard sulks at the brotherly love, Pieck notices and cares, and Reiner is trying to ignore that his life is happening.

Beautiful.

Everything to do with Falco is also wonderful. He works hard, improves, thanks the person who’s helped him, and even shouts his feelings out to the girl he likes!

Unfortunately, the girl he likes is Gabi.

I really have to laugh, though:

“So you’re trying to say you’re getting in my way for my sake and claiming that you’re doing it for me??”

Yeah. That’s about what romance looks like in this series. Have fun, you two.

(The wounds Gabi leaves on Falco’s heart are the real reason he hangs out in hospitals.)

And of course, the most magnificent Falco moment comes from being so purely happy at leading Reiner down a creepy abandoned cellar to meet with an escaped hospital inmate. This kid is so jazzed over doing good deeds for Eren. He deserves a better setting. Say... a farm. On an island. With other children who have suffered the world’s cruelty. ...Would his parents have to get killed off first?

I hope his brain doesn’t break too badly when he finds out what he’s started. I also hope that one of the adults in the room asks him to leave before things get too messy. Falco’s a good kid and doesn’t deserve a quarter of the angst gathered in this dark room.

He’s smiling.

How many characters even know how to do that in this series?

Please let him die last. Or first, if that would be easier on him.

Anyway, I should probably say something about Reiner and Eren.

The only thing I can really think of is the first thing Eren says to Reiner is a reference to Reiner’s stated goal of living while they were pals, and in a similar time frame, Eren’s stated goal was eliminating every last titan.

...That’s probably reading a bit much into it.

It’s loaded enough that Eren is willing to reference Reiner’s desire to go back home. That’s the only thing that Reiner got out of that whole mission, and what he lost possibly wasn’t worth it in his mind. But of the two, he is the one who achieved what he said he set out to do, so kudos.

This really can’t end well.

I’d like it to. Eren and Reiner are both so incredibly damaged by everything they’ve done and had done to them that it would be nice if they could just agree that this is all fucked up, btw, we’re back to killing each other tomorrow, see you then, just wanted to say hi first. Or they could skip the killing each other part entirely.

I don’t know about deserving peace, but they both need it, and I think it would be nice if they could reach it somehow. Meeting underground is a good start; it means Eren isn’t looking for a brawl.

(There is no way this is a sanctioned Survey Corps assignment. Too many people would yell at him for trying to do this on his own.)

Next month, place your bets. Are we finally going back to Paradis? Will Eren and Reiner be left staring at each other for four months of infodump? Is Willy going to finally fulfill his dream of being a director? Is his play going to be any good? Will I finally stop typing the same monthly rant about Marley?

I fear the answer to that last one is no, but for the rest, oh, the possibility!

Something

might happen!

[shima-draws]

I'd love to hear you sing! And can we hear about the MBAV au? And you're right about Benny's hair, I've been sitting here for an hour attempting to do it and aaaaaaaaa

PPFPFT I’ve gotten a lot of positive response so I guess I. Will post that tomorrow hhGHH

Omg yeah seriously;; Benny’s hair is impossible I don’t know how it DEFIES LOGIC??

Anyway

NSKDBBJDDB SURE I would love to talk about it!!So uhh it’s called the Grim Reaper AU? It’s pretty obvious where this is going but allow me to further enlighten youBut yeah get ready for one helluva ride this is SUPER SUPER LONG I’M SORRY it’s like 3k words (the length of a good oneshot holy shit SHIMA WHY) but hey I have been developing this AU for three years now sOOkay here we goIt all starts out when Benny and Ethan are on their way to school and Benny notices they’re being followed by this strange girl dressed in black—but for some reason nobody else is able to see her except for Benny. After school he corners her alone and starts questioning her (he also kinda threatens her a little bit;; tells her to stay away from Ethan since he’s an overprotective cupcake). She reveals that she’s a Grim Reaper and her job is to, well. Bring lives to an end as they’re written down in her book. Basically everyone is fated to die at a certain time in their lives, and Grim Reapers are the ones to carry their souls over to the other side. And after a bit more goading she admits that yes, Ethan is fated to die in two days’ time and she’s been assigned to carry his soul over.Rest is under the cut to save yourselves from endless scrolling whoops

Anyway understandably Benny FLIPS OUT and starts begging her to maybe not kill his best friend? Please? But she says that it must absolutely be done, it’s fate that’s already been written and if she isn’t there when he dies to take care of him his soul might get snatched up by a demon or a witch instead (so yes, Grim Reapers are seen as GOOD in this AU). She apologizes and says that he just needs to come to terms with it (hint: he’s not going to do that ever no thanks). The next day Ethan definitely notices something’s off with Benny, but he can’t get him to spill about what’s going on. Ethan becomes super worried about him and goes to Sarah for advice, while Benny goes to confront the GR again. And he asks something extremely…risky.Benny offers to trade his life for Ethan’s, if it’s possible. The Grim Reaper is shocked and tells him the only way that would work was if Benny signed a contract to become a Grim Reaper himself, but that would mean cutting off all ties to the human world and his friends, and that his mortal body would die and it would basically mean he’s actually dead to everyone. Benny signs the contract and takes the deal, and bam. He becomes a Grim Reaper ;w; (Also one of his eyes turns red so that’s cool. Usually when one becomes a GR both eyes turn red but since Benny also has magic that part of him is shown in his green eyes)Meanwhile Ethan suddenly has a massive panic attack, almost like he can TELL that something’s very wrong with Benny (since they’re connected in that way :3c)  He runs home to find that Benny isn’t there, and that, well—Benny isn’t anywhere. Benny’s grandma is out of town at the mo, so he decides to search himself with the help of Rory and Sarah. They look all night and they’re about to call the police when Benny’s grandma shows up and tells them the news. Ethan passes out from shock, and the next day he wakes up and tries to deny the fact that his best friend is gone forever. Eventually the truth hits him hard and he shuts everybody out, even Sarah. He goes into a major depressive slump and doesn’t speak or even leave his room for days. It’s really bad;;Benny, on the other hand, is learning the basics of how to be a Grim Reaper, and is mortified to know that sometimes fate doesn’t take care of things the way it should and that for some of the deaths he has to take the person out himself (and he gets a wicked scythe he uses to end lives. Ooooh) He refuses at first, saying he doesn’t want to kill anybody, but that’s part of the job description and he signed a contract so he absolutely has to. Benny runs off from the mission, enraging Grim Reaper Girl, who sort of acts as his superior and tutor (I’m going to call her GRG for short). Benny decides he’s going to check on Ethan, which is a HUGE no no in the Grim Reaper world—any ties to old friends and family must be forgotten and it’s super forbidden to try and peer into your past life, all that jazz. Normally when one becomes a GR they forget about their past life but!! Our boy is special so he remembers everything. And yeah Benny doesn’t give a shit about getting in trouble and comes back to White Chapel to see his boyf and make sure he’s doing okay.Unfortunately Ethan is NOT doing okay, and after sneaking in through his window Benny starts rambling on worriedly, thinking that Ethan can’t see or hear him since GR’s are invisible to most people. Buuuut he kinda forgot that Ethan’s a seer so in most cases he can see things other people can’t, and Ethan FREAKS the fuck out when he sees Benny standing in his bedroom with this badass cloak and GR clothing. He immediately bursts into tears and like TACKLES Benny to the ground in a hug and doesn’t let him go for twenty minutes while Benny explains what’s been going on.They talk for a while and Ethan is so fucking relieved that Benny’s okay and he’s also really pissed that Benny didn’t warn him or try to figure out some other way to avoid the consequences but?? It’s too late now so. Ethan begs Benny to come back and visit sometimes even though it could get him into BIG TROUBLE and after a moment of hesitation Benny’s like “yeah okay” and then he spends the night and they cuddle in Ethan’s bed and Ethan has a nightmare and cries on Benny and it’s a sad but fluffy timeThe next day GRG comes to Ethan’s window and chews Benny out for both running out on the mission AND for visiting old friends when he knows he’s not supposed to. Benny, being the adorable muffin he is, is able to convince her to let him visit White Chapel every once in a while, or at least get more jobs near there so he can keep an eye on his squad. Ethan wakes up during their little spat and Benny tells him he has to leave. Of course Ethan protests and begs him to stay longer but he can’t because he has to work so!! Ethan tells him to come back soon and that he’ll be waiting and Benny makes him promise to go to school and try to act normal and ABOVE ALL smile when things get hard. Ethan gives him one last hug that becomes super intimate oops and now they’re sort of realizing that they might have a thing for each other??Ethan goes back to school to the amazement of his friends and apologizes for acting like such a dick to them. They can tell that he seems happier for some reason and they’re still bummed about Benny. Ethan wants to tell them that B’s fine but he doesn’t want to risk Benny getting in trouble so he decides to keep his GR status a secret (though he’s pretty sure Benny’s grandma knows, since she’s been acting normal, if a little bit saddened).Benny returns to work and completes his very first mission, having getting past his fears of “killing” others. And it’s amazing when he ends lives (I know that sounds awful bear with me) because he can see all of the memories the person has had—their most joyful and sad and everything else. Benny meets the soul and ushers them on to the afterlife, being able to do so easily after seeing their life story, and something that will happen every time somebody dies. He talks with GRG about a lot of things and they have a Moment™ as she shares her past and how she wishes she could remember who she was as a human. At this point she’s sort of become like a sisterly figure to Benny—she cherishes him and wants to protect him from the bad things but she also wants him to be careful and avoid getting caught sneaking off. So she’s like, unsure of what to do, torn between covering Benny’s tracks and her job as a GR overseer…Things continue on as normally as possible after this point? Ethan’s suddenly more popular at school now since his bff is “dead” and everyone feels bad for him. Benny is completing mission after mission and is hailed as a GR pro and sort of graduates from his underling status and starts going on REAL missions—these are more dangerous since they involve battles with other supernatural beings after the souls of humans, demons especially. He’s officially partnered with GRG and she covers him whenever he sneaks off to see Ethan.It isn’t often that Benny comes to visit but when he does Ethan becomes just a ball of sunshine. They go do things together which is sort of awkward since nobody else can see Benny so we see Ethan talking to himself at dinner or the movies or wherever lol. Both of them are like “Are these dates we’re going on? Like? I’m really enjoying this and you wow” and it’s VERY GAY. It hits Benny first that he’s in love with Ethan and after the realization he visits more and more, skipping out on important meetings and other vital GR stuff in his contract. Yikes! As this is going on Ethan is starting to realize that he may like Benny as more than a friend and that’s a problem since he’s also been hanging with Sarah more lately and he gets the notion that she might like him back so he is. Torn over who he wants to be with since they’re both dead (?) but he can be in an actual relationship with Sarah while with Benny it’s way more complicated but he’s sure he loves Benny more and always will ;w;Benny suddenly vanishes for a few weeks which leaves Ethan on edge and the others notice but he’s still a loyal boy so he refuses to indulge them about what’s going on, which frustrates Sarah and they kinda get into a fight about it. During this time, surprise!! A giant battle happens in the GR world between them and the demons, a fight over souls, and Benny is caught right in the midst of it. He’s torn over his love for Ethan and his duty to serve the GR’s and fight with them—he’s become pretty famous amongst the ranks since he still has his magic so he’s a lot stronger than the average GR and the higher ups are like “THIS BOY IS HELLA STRONG WE NEED HIM FOR ALL OUR BATTLES YA FEEL” Finally when the battle ends after days and days of hiding out and striking whenever possible, Benny flees to see Ethan once again. He’s totally exhausted and covered head to toe in demon blood and also a little out of it? So something weird happens with his magic to make him visible to other people aaaaand. He shows up at the high school looking for Ethan and everyone is like “What the FUCK is that Benny Weir I thought he was dead???” Ethan freaks out of course but that’s after he runs right into Benny’s arms and hugs the CRAP outta him. Rory, Sarah and Erica start screaming in confusion and they’re like “ETHAN what the hell is going on why is Benny here and dressed like that and is that blood? WTF” Ethan sort of spills to them what’s going on while Benny’s chilling out in his arms, too tired to speak, and the rest of the students watch on in shock like?? Yeah. And one of those people is Della and she’s crying because she never thought she’d miss Benny’s stupid flirting so much and she was sad to hear about what happened to him and she’s happy to see him but also really confused just like everyone else!! It’s a crazy timeEventually when it all calms down Benny knocks everyone out with a sleeping spell and they wake up thinking it’s a dream (except for Rory, Sarah and Erica of course, who he trusts to keep his secret). They all hang out for a little while and they’re like “It’s really good to see you Benny” (YES, EVEN ERICA). Then Ethan and Benny go back to Benny’s house so he can say hi to his grandma, who lectures him for like twenty minutes “I cannot believe you Benjamin Weir what on earth were you thinking? You couldn’t have waited for me to come back so we could figure out a better solution and blah blah blah blah” Benny starts crying because he didn’t realize how much he’d missed his grandma’s lectures. She sends them both up to bed. Benny strips out of his bloody clothes and takes a shower and then he and Ethan cuddle in his bed for a long while, not saying anything. Benny knows that this can’t continue on forever no matter how much he wants it to so he decides he’s going to confess to Ethan about how he feels before it’s too late to do so. Of course he has second thoughts like the most obvious, “What if he doesn’t like me back” and then getting deeper into things like “I don’t want to burden Ethan with the truth about how I feel about him he deserves somebody better, somebody that can actually be around to take care of him and provide and I can’t do that anymore” but Ethan starts asking him to say what’s been bothering him so Benny, fed up with everything, spills.“So um hey dude I think I might be in love with you?”And Ethan is ecstatic like “Hey I think I might be in love with you too” and then it’s happy happy time and they kiss and it’s very cute and gay againThe next morning Benny knows he has to go back to work but not before he kisses the living daylights out of Ethan and Benny ends up almost getting caught since he loses track of time and makes out with Ethan for like ten minutes OOPSEthan goes back to school to see that everyone is still confused about the “dream” they all collectively had about Benny Weir miraculously coming back from the dead. Sarah corners him and starts asking more questions and he accidentally lets slip that they may or may not be dating it’s complicated? Understandably she gets upset, more because she’s worried about them getting into trouble and less because she’s jealous (she just wants Ethan to be happy after all he’s been through and if that’s with Benny she’ll give him up she is a GOOD GIRL). She starts admonishing Ethan for his own good, telling him how dangerous it is and how it probably won’t work out and she just wants to let him know now before he gets his heart broken later. Ethan bitterly agrees but he’s not going to stop dating (?) Benny since he’s in love with him and she’s like “Whatever okay just be careful”Benny shows up to work and GRG is REALLY pissed. She tells him that she’s been covering for him for so long that others are starting to get suspicious and suggests that Benny stop seeing Ethan altogether, but Benny tells her he absolutely cannot do that. Then they get into a big fight and she yells at him a lot before she finally spills that the higher ups found out about his memories and plan to have them erased permanently—they just haven’t done anything up til now since they thought he was keeping to the contract and not visiting people from his past life. But lately they’ve been catching on to the fact that he has so they’re gonna wipe him clean and erase all of his ties so he can actually focus on his duty to them. Benny freaks out and starts crying because?? He doesn’t want to lose his memories of his friends and of Ethan that’s always been his worst fear. GRG becomes sympathetic and tells him he has twenty four hours to say goodbye before they cleanse him for good. Benny immediately goes to Ethan and tells him what happens, breaking down and sobbing about how he doesn’t want to forget and he doesn’t want Ethan to forget him after he’s gone. Ethan tells him of COURSE he’ll never forget Benny, he’s the person he loves most in the whole world! They cry together for a while before going out and having the BEST last day ever (like my Life Ticket AU OOPS) and Ethan says a sappy line like “You might forget this day but I’ll remember it forever” AWWWW EThat night Ethan sleeps over at Benny’s house and they talk about a lot of different things. Eventually tho they stop talking and start kissing and things get really;; heated wooEthan tells Benny he wants Benny to leave on him proof that he existed so yeaaah I’ll leave whatever they did up to your imagination wonk ;) This may or may not be an MM reference //shotThe next morning Benny has to leave and it’s a SUPER SAD moment and they’re both crying and Ethan kisses him goodbye and promises Benny he’ll always ALWAYS remember him for the rest of his life (or eternity if he somehow gets changed into some immortal being) and then Ethan. Smiles for him keeping the promise that they made and FUCK BENNY UP he is so fucking wrecked and distraught that he almost just collapses on the floor and refuses to leave but he is a strong boy so!! He takes off and after he’s gone Ethan breaks down and cries and calls Sarah over to comfort him and it’s so…heartbreaking ;m;Benny hands himself over to the higher ups and GRG sees how fucking DEPRESSED he is and how he looks like he’s lost all hope and she feels super bad but there isn’t anything she can do. And then they wipe his memories clean;; She immediately notices that Benny isn’t the same as he was before, without those memories of Ethan and the others to anchor him he’s not the same person.Ethan starts missing school again and he knows he promised Benny he’d try to stay happy but it’s really hard and he misses him so so so much and Sarah tries everything she can to cheer him up but? Yeah it’s just a difficult time for everybody; Ethan is in a slump, Sarah is out of her wits trying to make him feel better, Erica is avoiding everyone, and Rory has lost his normal cheer. And Benny doesn’t even remember them. RIP.Things in the GR world are progressively getting worse, the demon attacks come more frequently now and they’re having a hard time fighting them off. They’ve lost a lot of souls to the demons in the process, and the higher ups are trying to come up with a strategy to get rid of them for good. Unfortunately for them the demons are plotting big time and they’re ready to form a fucking army to take down the GR’s and claim all of the souls for themselves. Benny and GRG overhear them planning this and they freak out, and then the higher ups freak out and it’s a horrible time! But suddenly GRG is struck with a BRILLIANT idea that she knows the higher ups wouldn’t approve of so she does it in secret. Guess where she goes for help? White Chapel!Ethan is surprised to see GRG asking for help, and he’s like “Is this going to help Benny?” And she’s like yeah dude so Ethan says “I’m in” and gets Sarah, Rory and Erica to join the fight as well. They round up a couple of other vamps and supernatural beings and devise this huge strategy to defeat the demons with Ethan’s wicked smarts. AND THEN THE FINAL BATTLE BEGINS!!The higher ups are furious with GRG for bringing outsiders into their conflict but they change their minds as soon as they see Ethan’s plan working. As they’re battling Ethan bumps into Benny and almost cries when he realizes Benny doesn’t remember him (but he is like “You seem familiar, do I know you from somewhere?”) They team up and kill tons of demons together and Benny’s like wow me and this cute guy have awesome chemistry I wonder who he is?Then surprise surprise Ethan gets taken hostage by the main demon king and everyone is like “ETHAN NO” and right before he gets taken out Benny miraculously recovers his memories and takes the hit for Ethan, getting “killed” in the process (which is kinda impossible since he’s already dead but whatever). Totally distraught at seeing his boyfriend die AGAIN Ethan’s psychic powers amp up to the max and he fucking wrecks the demon by using mind games to corrode at its will and he wins the battle!! Woo hooThe higher ups, upon seeing their victory, decide to give Ethan and Benny one wish. Ethan obviously wishes for him to come back to life (once a GR dies their soul is sent to the afterlife, GRs sort of live in an in between world of life and death. Like, purgatory). And Benny? At first he considers using his wish to grant GRG her memories back but she says if he wastes his wish on her she’ll kill him again. Lol. So Benny wishes to be human again instead. To live, basically. The higher ups are like “Usually we wouldn’t allow that but uh yeah you saved our asses so sure” but then they’re like “but we will call on you whenever we need you and your friends for something important otherwise it’s a no go son” and Benny’s like “SURE now please revive me so I can make out with my boyfriend”And so, Benny is brought back to life and stripped of his GR powers (he still has his magic tho, no worries). He bids a tearful goodbye with GRG, who confesses her (VERY PLATONIC) love for him. She promises to visit when she can. Benny’s grandma casts a spell on the town so they think Benny had been in a coma for half a year instead of dead. Erica and Sarah start dating, Rory gets a cute girlfriend (possibly GRG?) and Ethan and Benny live HAPPILY EVER AFTER THE END //throws confettiWow sorry that was so fucking long but well I have been developing this AU for three years so it would make sense that I have the entire plot written out right? //waggles eyebrowsANYWAY I hope you enjoyed KUDOS for reading all the way through you’re AMAZING and god jesus ASK ME QUESTIONS about this AU it’s one of my all time faves and I’m so glad I finally got to share it after so loNG