#aaaaaa I am starting to get a headache

[chibishortdeath]

I did a digital art 👍. It was hard, it took a while. But yeah :3. This guy is a character of mine, his name is Devin. He’s from a story I tried to write in high school but never got anywhere in oof.

I have a lot of other old art of him I could share someday, but I’ll let this one have the spotlight rn.

[thegeminisage]

STAR TREK UPDATE TIME, holy shit! tuesday we watched ds9's "a time to stand" and "rocks and shoals."

a time to stand:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGH

i feel like ds9 is so fucking good every episode i rate "watch" on ym spreadsheet would easily be "must see" in any other trek show. where do i even fucking start

i love that theyre just casually mentioning bashirs darkest secret in playful banter now. theres something in there that makes me very emotional but also it's extremely funny. also, he really DOES quote percentages like a vulcan. whatever he and garak were doing, i don't know what that was but i loved it. literally his boyish smile

oh speaking of couples. KIRA AND ODO. they've got the station all to themselves...um, e quark. i did get deluded for a hot second, when they were all at the bar together, into believing in kira e odo e quark. i don't think that's going to be a permanent feature in my psyche but it was fascinating to experience just once

ODO. MAKES HANDS. TO TOUCH PEOPLE WITH!!!!!!!!!!!

no one made this gifset so i have to make do with a screencap

HE MAKES HANDS TO TOUCH PEOPLE WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i may have had to pause the episode to start screaming

also. hi. "im glad you can still smile" "only when im with you" what if i threw myself into the sun

dukat and kira, holy shit. i've never been so scared in my life. i think about it all the time that he essentially called leeta into his office to fuck him. he BLOCKED KIRA'S EXIT. jesus christ we've come so far from his gay little fireworks show and the thron in his ass

odo manipulating weyoun who's obsessed with him <3 king. but he only did it because <3 kira asked him to. he literally said i've walked this horrible horrible line before i can do it again...their relationship is somehow moving forward because they are going back in time

and like GOD she knows he loves her and she hasn't decided how she feels back but somehow it's still comfortable because he doesn't ask for anything...IMPECCABLE fucking vibes. WHO is doing it like them

on the spaceship side, all of that was very fun, especially sisko and his <3 headaches. but even funnier was them getting stuck 17 years away from help. JUST like. star trek voyager

rocks and shoals:

AND IT GETS BETTER!

kira in this episode. mwah. she quite literally can't live with herself and it's SO clever because at first you the viewer are also like aaaa no dont let the bajorans protest aaaaaa theyll get in trouble and then kira has the change on heart and youre like oh shit. oh fuck. whose side am EYE on?

also, the fact that this was also odo's kneejerk reaction, and she said "don't make me fight you too" and he immediately fell in line. that's love.

garak's "oh, NO" as they were falling. please let the man say "oh shit"

o'brien ripping his pants <3 incredibly funny i felt like i was getting loopy right along with them. the wide shot of the flaming ship sinking into the sea as they laughed their asses off.......cinema

poor dax!!! she tries so hard to be brave but man she really did get fucked up

the little vorta freak in this episode...i want him dead. what an evil thing to do to your own guys AND one of sisko's people died too because of it. ik they won't kil him but they should kill him

i wasn't expecting the thing between garak and nog to have like consequences but it was funt hat they brought it back up. good for them and good for nog, even though i still wish it had been bashir on the post

julian being so chirpy and cheerful w the vorta after fixing him up as though he is a normal patient...sir please control yourself

my only complaint is i wish jake had more to do...right now he just seems to be getting underfoot, when staying behind was supposed to be a sign of maturity. hopefully all his reporting isn't for nothing!!!!

TONIGHT: voy's "day of honor" and "nemesis"

[digiblueslush]

Here’s a yap lolz. I initially started with a “haha Phil’s medical anxiety is rubbing off on me” but I know that’s not the case and this has nothing to do with either of them lolz, but here’s me just yapping about worries about health issues and such

I’m having pretty severe medical issues at the moment (I literally haven’t been able to walk properly for a month and I’ve had extreme joint pain and cluster headaches every day) but this past week I’ve realized my intake situation has been absolutely awful. (Context I had an ED for 3 years, which I’m completely recovered from but obviously it can cause life long medical issues, and I also have Graves’ disease which I usually take medication for but I was told to stop taking it a few weeks ago since my levels weird)

Like ok, first Ive been having a lot of pain in my jaw when I chew, to the point where I can’t take more then 5 or 6 bites of a meal or snack or whatever without taking 5-10 minutes in between because my jaw will be in so much pain (mostly in my upper jaw but overall just ouch) and second since stopping my thyroid meds I’ve had a really low appetite which is VERY unusual for me, and when I do get hungry I can only eat like a third of a meal before I get super nauseous and full, and I’ve literally only taken like a singular shit this week (which I know TMI or whatever but this is tumblr, and I usually shit everyday so it’s very odd) but now I’m like convinced I have gastroparesis even though I have no significant evidence of it. I am so cooked lolz. And it sucks that despite having no direct evidence it’s still a possibility, the best guess for my walking issues is a neurological thing, and nerve issues can cause it, hyperthyroidism can cause it, and I’m already at risk of it cuz of my eating history so it’s just like aaaaaa

It sucks having all of these issues with no answers cuz I do already have my fair share of issues, but 90% of the time they were either easy fixes or things I’d at least have a diagnosis/a somewhat idea for and know how to handle them, but with this it’s been like, nothing is helping, all of my scans and labs are normal, and nobody is doing anything about it’s just like what am I supposed to do besides assume things yk?

[boxwinebaddie]

Miss Ninaa!! When are you free for the summer???

hello, sweetling! and good morning, good afternoon or good night wherever it is that you are. <3 regardless of the time of day, please just know that the world around you is brighter bc you're in it. c':

so i just want to start out by saying that i know i say this a lot...but i cannot tell you what it means to me that you guys care enough about me to be curious about the trajectory of my offline life.

...like, i really just have the sweetest anons in the world, huh? ;-;

i feel unbelievably blessed and count my lucky stars everyday because of each and everyone of you. thank you for being your lovely, lovely selves and caring not only about me as a person but my silly and strange au styles from hell.

speaking of, i am aware that it does not seem like it because of how sporadically i post ncu related content ( if at all ) but i am trying to work on some stuff...as you know well by now, i like to really take my time putting out my work because the quality of the content that you read is paramount to me. you are all far too near and dear to my heart to receive lame, rushed, unclear boof ass content from me.

like...i simply will not do it. thank you for your paitence.

( i will say that i am specifically working on an ask about the greenhouse kiss which AAAAAA giggling, twirling my hair and kicking my feet, like it is SOOOOO satisfying, holy shit! it's also very, very important to the plot which is why i have been taking my time on it. i do hope to put it out today but i am trying not to make promises that i can't keep, get your hopes and dreams up just to dash them and most unfortunately, i do not have a great track record in that regard. i know it's kind of a bummer...but i like to be honest w/ y'all. )

ANYWAYS!

without further ado, here's a little glimpse into my life. xx

again, thank you for asking...that is very cute of you. c': <333

( this is lengthy and lowkey irrelevant. you can absolutely skip this but i think that i am pretty informative in here, so it might be useful? idk. )

so actually, my summer is pretty busy and jam-packed for the most part! or, the first two months are, at least. because i decided to take on summer camp here at the school i work on! camp counsellor nina!

i decided to nab a summer camp supervising position for a couple of reasons. like, obviously, teaching does not pay that much, so really, i need to make all the money i can while i can. don't worry about me tho, guys. bc actually am doing extremely well for myself. <333

( i am a very lucky person, haha -- god nerfed me by being mentally ill, but did make me pretty and personable...which gets me far in life. on the topic of mental illness [ of which i am very ] today i should fare quite well bc other than having a mild headache and being lowkey naseous because my mood stabilizer has that side effect for me...it is worth it when i rem(ember) to take it because it makes me very calm and level, so i am better at responding to my asks/doing my tasks. )

another reason is it keeps me busy...when i am not constantly busy, i get very depressed and fall into gnarly sprials. my job has a lot of downtime and when i am not running around like crazy because a bunch of teachers are out, i'm bored as fuck and i get lazy or restless.

very lame...this summer, i will be looking for a different job ( fml, if you are my boss, don't read this ) and i am a bad procrastinator so i missed the deadline for a fuck ton of teaching positions, but hopefully i can find something in the realm of associate or assistant teaching because....lmao, point and laugh but i am still a little too nervous to teach a whole class by myself. if kids get disadvantaged academically because i am too incompetent at teaching, i will die.

but yeah...if i am still babysitting fourteen year olds after this ( they did grow on me, but it's really not my speed ) please also point and laugh because i would rather go back to retail...yes, i am desperate.

on the subject of teaching kids that are in my wheelhouse and doing stuff my speed, summer camp is actually all k-5 so i will FINALLY being doing a majority of my teaching in the age group that i have my literal credential in. YAY! it's going to be hot as shit where i am over the summer, probably also tiring as shit ( have you seen how little kids act in the summer? ) but i am so fkn exCITED to work with the littles HEEEEELLL YES, BROTHER! uncle nina will be Vibing! <333

so for the first four weeks i am doing general camp stuff, getting a feel for stuff and wokring with all the grade levels...but the LAST two weeks, i get to specifically associate teach in the kindergarten classroom and AAAAAAAA!!!!! I FKN LOVE THE KINDERS!!!!! i visit them every other day because, again, i am bored as shit and they need help over there so i usually hang out with them in PE and play hula hoop tag with them...rn they are learning how to jump rope. soooo stinking cute, oh my god.

-- BUT YES I AM SOOOOO FREAKING STOKED YOU GUYS LIKE I WAS MADE FOR THIS BROTHER. i am gonna wear so many crazy outfits and do such weird makeup pray it doesn't melt off my face.

also, during camp, they go on little field trips and things, hopefully swimming, ( uncle nina is mermaid nina ) and feed you the same stuff as the campers so i get to eat like a nasty frat boy and have pizza and pasta and stuff, which, let me tell you, i am genuinely stoked because they cater a free lunch for the faculty here everyday and it's supposed to be all fancy and shit...but there is a reason it's free because it is SOOOO mid. like it really is kind of ass. i don't know how they do that.

but, sigh, camp is only six weeks so i have to fill my time with other stuff ( also i guess that means in six weeks from when school is done on june...14th, i think? i am free? ) i hope to use that time to structure the fuck out of my life, planf or the future because i am hella bad at it and i hope to do a lot of writing! kind of a pipe dream at this point becaue all my stuff has been *british tolkien vc* actual shite and i can't finish anything...but maybe when i feel better, writing will come easier? when i am less busy and stressed? i hope so. and i hope you guys are still around if i am here but i Completely understand if you are not! it's been a long, bumpy ride. you did your dues and you are free to step off at any time. again, i do not blame you. i am annoying.

BUT YEAH! that's my summer for you! summer camp, hanging out with my cat ( her name is lily, she is very beautiful, very kind, very fluffy and dumb as rocks but she is my babygirl ), getting lots of sushi, going to the thrift store, doing self care stuff, doing less self harm in various odd forms specifically in the form of self sabotage, getting my life together and organized, finding a new job, bettering myself and the world, being kind, entertaining all of you and hopefully writing again! yay! i'll update you as much as i can.

and please, please, pleeeease update me on your lives! i know i don't always respond, but i read everything. my friend who won FIRST PLACE for her raven sculpture, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU BABY. my friends who unfortunately went through breakups, i am so sorry, please know it is their loss, you are stronger for it and i hope you heal, but if ravesey can...you can baby. also proud of my various friends going to college and my friends that are not! my friends toiling through their lame jobs and my friends who are dipping their toes in the world of creativity through writing, drawing expressing yourself! i love, love, LOVE you! thank you for sharing your lives with me.

( speaking of friends, i am specifically hoping to spend my summer bonding with my rant girlies and we made a little group chat and we are being so funny and chaotic and unhinged. i love them all so bad. )

BUT YEAH! thank you for asking my love! look out for some important in character asks, hopefully some finished or more distinguished writing and know that if i am not responding or posting, it is not because i lost interest...as you can see, i am very busy, especially as the school year approaches an end, my summer is a little busy, i fall into ugly manic/depressive cycles and am working on taking care of myself...offline. thank you for understanding.

and thank you for being here! you are troopers, forreal! you are angels and saints for putting up for me and enduring me never posting or posting really chaotic weird stuff. i love you. thanks for caring. <3

i love you and i hope you heal,

uncle nina, future ceo of glamour girl summer camp <3

P.S. i am specifically working on developing and post more about my other aus because i want to give you some variety and challenge myself to do stuff out of my comfort zone! so if you are excited at all about the tsot/tfbw nina stuff, please make some NOOOOISE! lol and if you are not i totally get it, but if you could give me gentility and grace, i would appreciate it because i'm insecure abt it. MWAH!

[tellerluna-stories]

HI ANNIE!!! i will gladly come and tell you why childe is my favorite blorbo >:]

but basically. i liked him at first because i caught a glimpse of him and was like "oh ya. he is definitely my type" and then ultimately started genshin because i needed him on my team HAHA he was my first ever five star that i pulled and my second most spoiled goober (the first being xiao xiao).

eventually, i got to his part of the archon quest and i was just absolutely floored with his fight and then his third phase... like wow foul legacy <3 and then his story quest....

i come from a large family and grew up with a lot of kids; like i have a looot of nephews and nieces that i love dearly and would do literally anything for them. so seeing childe's story quest hit me pretty deep knowing that he overexerted himself just to protect teucer haha. he's a family man and the fact that he would quite literally do anything to ensure the safety of the people that he loves just. gets to my heartstrings.

also like he's such?? a goober??? you're telling me this evil guy who nearly terrorized an entire city by making a sea god swallow it whole is the same guy who participates in operas, loved by the people in a way, a family guy, and goes along with kids' silly antics as he hunts down fictional monsters in inazuma???

i just. like him a normal amount LOL and this is just the surface because i don't want to write more than i already have LOL

and he's like. super pretty and i love a man that is good at everything even tho he can't use chopsticks at all and i get to hold that above him but also teaching him how to use chopsticks/feeding him with chopsticks?? wow what a guy i'm going to gnaw on his head.

anyways thank you for reading this if you did annie and i hope your day gets better!! i'm sending all four of my childe plushies to come smooch you <:

I read this all and I am too brain tired to properly verbalise how much childe affection I have rn but didi: as always, YOU ARE CORRECT. AND YOU SHOULD REALLY FINISH THIS ESSAY. WHO AM I TO TURN DOWN FREE CHILDE BRAINROT

his family-centric goals are so dear to me for similar reasons!!!!!! I work w kids a lot + I have a lot of nieces and nephews and godchildren AND I JUST LOVE ME A MORALLY GREY CHARACTER WHO VALUES AND PROTECTS THE INNOCENCE OF CHILDHOOD. even if kiddos can be a headache at times it just melts my heart when someone is kind but firm with them aaaaaa <3333 he's just Some Guy who is good with kids and loves fishing and also probably kills people for a living on occasion

[horrorsequel]

a

aaaaaa

i know i know i knoweww everyone is always like "tics and stims are completely different" and i get it i REALLY do but ticcing and stimming for ME PERSONALLY is a fine line like a stim can turn into a tic So Fast like idk how to describe. one minute its a stim the next minute its a tic

the worst one tho gives me headaches i cant think abt it or i will start doing it but i am and i am rn shit shot shit fuck

[seelestia]

the butterfly has arrived safely <3 <3

yeppp..... i mean in the end i managed to rewrite it.... at least it's just a 600-700 words drabble i guess? it could be worse ;w;

it does sound like it would make the perfect breakfast paired with sandwiches hehe something decadent to start your day!! oh dear, i hope you're okay ;;;; but... but coffee is so good.... i mean i guess it's more bitter than tea but like. a good brew tastes like a nice-and-tasty kinda bitter!!!

yesyes hehe it was an experience alright. sjldjfklshdf everyone has been saying that and i am. so. excited. hahahah

oh lord.... time to max out electroculus and dendroculus huh? i pray for you.... isn't sumeru's total land size twice or thrice inazuma? 👀

artifact farming sounds like it would be a productive activity while the story takes a backseat! you can do it!! may the rng gods bless you <3 50/208 oh my god you're a chronic simp

yesyesyes!!! it's so nice to see the varieties in genshinblr hhhh i am constantly just in awe at the other writers... how are yall so good and talented aaaaaa and i am sure it would turn out great!!!! and hey, at the end of the day, it's good writing practice :3

let us put on our aviator sunglasses to combat the blindingness that is our husbands slkjdflskjdf

your puppy eyes + the turtles + the actual puppies' will be the downfall of ayato lol 

now then, go forth spirit puppy, deliver my mail to your brethren!! 💌🐾

i love how my messenger is a butterfly and yours is puppies... something is oddly flipped here. (/j) AND TRUE 😭 this is why i only write on google docs because i'm scared that tumblr won't save my progress or my finger slips and delete my tab. at least, google docs has an automatic save feature that doesn't require you to manually save it <//3

i'm indeed a good option to consider if you want to have picnics, hehe~ sandwiches with chicken slices are my beloved. (/lh) and no worries, headaches from caffeine are nothing i can't handle. i think i'll just stick to my cocoa latte order from now on 😭

I SAW THAT YOU ALREADY MET FERAL HAITHAM. iirc, alhaitham's jp va is umehara yuichiro (vv deep voice), so that azar scene must've been a joy to watch 🤫 that scribe should get an oscar, my gosh, his acting was fr smth else. also, i really loved his interaction with kaveh + at the end of the quest, where he was like "oop, i accidentally brought two keys with me today... heh." (kaveh is sleeping outside /j)

the electroculus search is still ongoing and i fear for my life in sumeru... hoyoverse really likes underground places, huh (i'm suffering here) 😭 mhm, i'm trying to build my c1 mona by alternating between the noblesse oblige and the severed emblem! rng is painful, but at least, i got to use all my resin. (i thank your hubby, zhongli for ensuring my team's survival with his mega shield and burst DMG i finally got the catch to r5!)

unfortunately, my dear cousin, i shall take the "chronic simp" title with open arms. it's now 60/208, apparently and OH, i saw some leaks that said ayato is going to rerun with ei on v3.3's 2nd phase! the sigh of relief i let out, HELP. but i fear for you, rin jie... childe is coming soon, scara is coming soon, and ayato is coming soon... who shall be your choice? I'M SCARED FOR YOU FHJEDK

hehe, the fic is still in the works~ i still haven't decided whether it should be simple or more story-driven and i feel bad for it — but ik that you'd tell me to take my time, so i'll try! i really loved the one with husband!zhongli and baby!xiao, hehe (the way baby xiao was like "birds. birds!") <3

[jesterjamz]

goodnight have a possum

[levicanpunchme]

AAAAAA I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCHHHH SYEGHQYEHW can i request something where the reader tries to persuade levi to take a break from his paperwork?? aaaaaaa i literally love u some much jagduwyshdsj thank you<3333

AAAAAA, I LOVE YOUUUUU 🙈 thank you so much for the kind words 🥺 I’m sorry this took a while but it’s finally here~! And thank you for requesting babe <333

——————————————————————

Levi X Y/N

Genre: Romance/Fluff/Angst

Sharing Your Exhaustion

The hallways were eerily quiet, presumably because the members were drained off after hectic training; they couldn’t help jump into their dreams before they had to head back for more painful training. You took nimble steps towards the captain’s room and rushed to open the door, knots forming in your stomach in bustling excitement. Yesterday, Levi was so busy with paperwork, you had chose not to visit him, not wanting to disturb him. There were days when you had to ignore your feelings because you were in a relationship with none other than Captain Levi, the strongest solider who shouldered the burden of humanity’s right to existence.

As you stepped in, you realised the room was lighted up, which was foreign because by this time, Levi would be waiting for you in bed with lights off. Your gaze sauntered from the empty bed to the wooden desk next to the window and caught sight of your raven haired boyfriend, seated before his desk with a pencil in his grip as he sharply wrote something down. You frowned, staring at the clock for reconfirmation.

It was one am. By this time, Levi would have tidied up his messy desk, taken a shower and waited for you to come over-sometimes even making personal trips to your room to get you.

You lightly shut the door behind you, taking light steps towards your hardworking boyfriend. Despite making zero to no sound, you caught his attention immediately as if he sensed you around; his bleak eyes seemed to warm up like the moonlight, his thin lips morphing into a tiring smile.

“How was training?” His gentle voice already calmed your nerves. “Tiring,” you muttered with a generous smile and made your way to his chair.

“Tch, don’t work so hard, brat,” he gruffly muttered, his voice etched with concern.

Nearing him, you noticed the blue lines of fatigue on his pale skin carved under his eyes, his forehead creased from tension, posture seemingly uncomfortable with his back positioned away from the chair, probably from leaning down to observe papers. An awful feeling arose in the pit of your stomach. Your judgment stood corrected as you observed the stack of parchments bundled on the side of his table. Just looking at it gave you a headache.

You instinctively stepped closer behind his chair and snaked your arms around his neck tightly, recompensing for the time away from him. The smell of him on the shirt you were wearing was nothing compared to his actual embrace. The shower you had taken before had helped your nerves ease after practise but Levi’s embrace completely sucked every last drop of ache out of your body.

A breathy sigh escaped his mouth as he eased into your hold, his breathing calm against your frame. For a moment, it was only you and Levi in your own bubble; nothing else existed. Two aching souls finding peace in one another. And then a moment later, the bubble bursted.

“Y/n, turn the lights off and get some sleep. I’ll need to stay working,” he put his hand over yours which were resting on his chest and nudged his head against yours, encouraging you to go to bed.

You frowned, your chest tightening.

Ever since the commander’s announcement for a new mission outside the walls, the workload was piquing- especially for the captains. The pile of documents needing Levi’s attention were still toppling his desk and he hadn’t even moved an inch from the worktable since before yesterday night. You didn’t see him at practise, lunch, dinner or even in the meeting with Hange. He seemed to have disconnected entirely from human interaction, determined to get his work done.

“Levi, you’ve been here since the whole day,” you muttered, expressing your discern with a frown. Your arms only grew tighter around him worriedly.

He shook his head, giving your hand a tight squeeze. “It’ll take me one more night and I’ll be done.” You peeled yourself away from him and stared at the man with desperation. You had come to a realisation that Levi coped in different ways in tense times. When the atmosphere became grim, he spent days drowning himself with papers and refused to take breaks- as if he was punishing himself. Even when he came back from expeditions, you wouldn’t see his face until a week after. He stared at words for so long that they probably haunted him.

“Levi, you’re overworking yourself to the bone. You need sleep,” you argued, scowling at the lack of concern in his narrow eyes.

“I’m perfectly fine, don’t worry. Now, go and get some sleep. You must be exhausted,” his words were stern, commanding you and his gaze indifferent, holding no room for debate. His eyes remained cold but you could tell he felt apologetic as he softly caressed your cheek with his palm, stroking them. He limply smiled, then nodded at you and motioned towards the bed, implying you leave him alone.

You stared at him distraught. How could Levi expect you to turn away and conveniently slip into bed while his red-rimmed eyes were starving for rest as he pushed himself more and more? Again an unsettling feeling arose in your chest; even his fingers were inflamed from gripping the pencil for too long; he rubbed the back of his neck occasionally which meant he had been craning it for too long to read the goddamn papers.

Your fists clenched in despair as you bit back the curses you wanting to ensue; dating a workaholic man with zero awareness was a pain in the ass. You sighed sympathetically at the man you loved and then stepped closer to the desk, in front of him. You grabbed one large pile of his documents and brought them with you to the bed.

“Hey-hey! What’re you doing?” He immediately sprung out of his chair, and it made you want to cackle because it was probably the first time his leg muscles contracted since he sat down with these documents on that damned chair.

“I’ll help,” you explained as you sat cross legged on the cold sheets of his bed, picking up the first stapled document.

“No,” he rasped. “You are doing no such thing. Get to bed, right now,” it wasn’t a suggestion but a chilling command; Levi’s tone was dangerously low, making your stomach knot up with nervousness.

You glanced up and regretted it immediately because it magnified your anxiety: his misty eyes were staring down at you scornfully, burning your skin; his chest heaved impatiently and his fists were clenched like he would pounce at you any second.

“Levi—“

“Every-fucking-one is beaten after today’s practise, I know that. Just because I wasn’t there, it doesn’t mean I don’t know shit. Hange informed me about your pathetically long training,” Levi’s voice was oddly rough but the coldness in his eyes melted. His face was scrunched in distress.

You loved this man so much with every part of you. How could he be worrying over you when he was literally starving and sleepless from the work pressure? Your nose burned, and you felt your eyes welling up, with overwhelming emotions, but you didn’t let him see that or he’d lose his sanity and flip the world over to know exactly the reason behind your tears.

You stepped out of the bed and walked close to him, edging to him until his nose was brushing yours conveniently since you both were the same height. At close proximity, his almond shaped eyes were tired-red and sully but there was also a strange glint of warmth in the dull grey clouds, reflecting the effect you have on him. His breathing was unsteady as he stared directly at you.

“If you’re too exhausted, we can share the exhaustion just like we share love, Levi,” you whispered, your lips meeting the corner of his mouth and landing it with a kiss. Jitters ran down his spine and his mouth tingled.

We can share exhaustion just like we share love. The words reverberated again and again in his head, tugging at the strings of his heart. At that moment, he wished to throw you into his bed and kiss your exhaustion away. He forcefully stepped back, his insides twisting in misery, desperate to have his way with you. You were always so understanding. Levi could never wrap his head around how you were so transparent and loving. You stood by him in miserable times, struggling to heal his endless wounds. Your selflessness ate at him because in this big, relentless world, he only wanted you to be selfish.

“I’ll arrange these documents, so you’ll know which ones merely require signatures and which need proper attention. It’ll decrease your workload and reading time to a great extent.” You were already on the bed, reading through the document with vitality.

He surveyed you for a moment, his heart drumming faster against his chest. “Come on, get going. We have a lot to do.” Levi timorously stepped back, watching you.

You already got to work and started assessing papers and reading through files. You almost threw in the towel by your fifth document but continued working, determined to help him. You mentally praised Levi’s great work ethics, his neat textura script making you smile.

Levi, on the other hand, stood frozen in his tracks; his chest felt strange as he watched you work on his documents. No one had ever done this-not that he ever wanted it. Hell, he was the strongest, most independent man, who never let his guard down which is primarily the reason why people didn’t bother with him. He alone equated to the strength of a thousand army of titans. He created this headstrong image for the world, Levi Ackerman, the hope of humanity, as he filled in gaps of weaknesses left in his trails.

Why did you see him? You knew he could take it, then why didn’t you let him be, like everyone else? Why did you want to shoulder his burdens by sacrificing your peace?

His head began pounding.

Before he saw you today, he was perfectly fine with his negligent ways: he didn’t feel his stomach rumbling from emptiness, his mouth as dry as the desert, his back aching from distress or his eyes stinging from sleeplessness. Now, when he saw you rubbing your red eyes, squinting them to read the documents and massaging your template in soft circles, he recovered his sanity.

As if he regained his humanity, his body which was numb from the moment he sat with those papers, collapsed into a surge of emotions.

He couldn’t bear it.

He treated himself inhumanely. But not you. God no, never you. You didn’t deserve it. He couldn’t treat you the way he treated himself. He’d rather throw himself off a cliff than give you a taste of his pain. Feeling overwhelmed, his vision blurred as he took heavy steps towards you. You looked up from the paper, hearing him moving towards you and your breath ceased.

Silver eyes were shadowy with a thunderous wave of agony, and a deploring frown weighted down his lips as his steps faltered towards you. You immediately stood up, your hackles rising in concern. You had never seen Levi look so defeated and beaten— not even when he came back from outside the walls. Your stomach twisted in despair. Maybe you had hurt him in your attempts to stick beside him. You felt tears choking your vision as you waited for him to throw you out of his room.

He was an inch away when his body fell against you, a squeal leaving your mouth. His arms were clasping around your waist as he pushed his weight down, causing your knees to buckle against the bed and you both fell. He was on top of you, his body completely attached to you like he were a part of you. Your heartbeat escalated as Levi looked at you, his red eyes drunk with exhaustion staring into the depth of your orbs.

Inside your dark eyes, he only saw himself. Only himself. His breathing hardened, mouth watering at the sight. He couldn’t take it anymore, his love for you triumphing over the last shred of common sense left in his brain. Drained and disillusioned, he found solace within you.

He attacked your mouth like a starved beast, every ounce of his being wanting you to feel the love bustling in his veins. Your toes curled in pleasure, the warmth of his mouth creating an euphoric sense of stability in your soul. You gripped his hair softly, running your fingers through his scalp and his eyes screwed shut in comfort. His lips kissed to your jawline and in the crevice of your neck, trailing downwards, marking your skin as his.

Your moans and his heavy breaths filled up the silence in the room.

“I love you,” he whispered and you swear you felt a wet droplet fall against your skin. Your stomach clenched; It was his first time telling you he loved you. You tried saying it back but no words left your mouth, just a stream of sobs.

Before, you felt him love you through his own unintentional ways but nothing could counter these three words falling off his lips just for you.

And then he rustled against the sheets, laying beside you and pulled you on top of him, your head resting against his chest. His heartbeat vibrating against your frame caused your tense body to ease in his hold. The documents sat on the edge of the bed, neglected. Soon slumber overpowered both Levi and your senses. Even though you both had to wake up within the next-six-hours, It was the best damn sleep Levi had ever gotten.

[missmorosis]

here’s our bus route map for my bus ride! (masterlist!)

here’s the original event post :)

HI EVERYONE!! i just wanted to thank you all for your participation BECAUSE AAAAAA YOU GUYS DELIVERED AND UGH I WAS LITERALLY SO WORRIED NOBODY WAS GONNA WRITE ANYTHING BUTSJFLKFASDF

ALL OF YOU ARE SO TALENTED OKAY??? LIKE BYE I WAS BLOWN AWAY

I WAS SO EXCITED FOR THIS EVENT HEHEHE I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO SO MUCH!! AND THE FACT THAT YOU SPENT TIME ON THIS EVENT 😭😭MWAH MWAHH

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR 400!! MUCH LOVE AND HUGS AND KISSES :D

ALSO SORRY AHHA THIS WAS POSTED SO LATE

WE IGNORE HOW IT’S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET FROM LA TO LONDON VIA BUS JKDFJKFJK

here’s how i formatted it!

title- author’s @!

pairing genre warnings word count their summary that they made

-> my review!

let’s take a look at our map...

starting from LA, heading to bilbao! we’ll stop along the bus stops on our way! 

and yes im aware that the route is going in a weird, illogical way if bilbao is our last stop, shush i wasnt thinking when i made bilbao our last city KJDFJKS

masterlist under the cut!!

now arriving at... los angeles, California!

-> write an AU!! the AU can be literally anything: royalty AU? road trip AU? GO FOR IT!! just as long as it’s not in the canon era hehehe

first stop... “something only the stars know” - @luvoratomi​ 

pairing: suna rintarou x gn!reader genre: secret relationship au, royal au, crown prince!suna, knight!reader, established relationship, fluff, angst  word count: 544 their summary: in which you and crown prince, suna rintarou, find comfort in each other’s arms underneath the moonlight, where only the stars are witnesses of your love.

-> my review: um. nayru. OKAY IM CONSTANTLY BLOWN AWAY BY YOUR TALENT AND THIS IS NO EXCEPTION. i dont even KNOW who rintarou is but im in love with him. ALSO I DONT THINK IVE EVER READ A ROYAL AU BUT KLASDFJ THIS WAS SO?? WELL?? WRITTEN?? ive reread it at LEAST 5 times.   

next stop... an untitled zombie au from @eunoianthia

pairing: yamaguchi tadashi x female!reader genre: zombie au, angst :) warnings: a lot of angst, death, a bit of gore? word count: 1.1k their summary: going to Los Angeles was a dream, and you were finally achieving it. It’s like a dream come true, going to Los Angeles and your boyfriend tagging along? What could go wrong?

-> my review: OKAY WAIT THIS IS THE FIRST ZOMBIE AU IVE EVER READ. like EVER. AND WHAT I DIDNT EXPECT IT TO HURT THIS MUCH. i- the ending- PLEASE I- i dont even know what to say. how COULD YOU.

now arriving at... 3:38 am from @arquitecturadelanada​​

pairing: zuko x fem!reader genre: roommates au, i would say fluff! warnings: none! word count: 1.1k their summary: As sokka’s best man zuko has to write a heartfelt speech for the wedding day, the only issue? he doesn’t believe in love, but maybe his roommate can change his perception on the matter.

-> my review: so youre saying this whole time youve been supporting my writing when YOU WRITE BETTER THAN I DO?? ugh you’re so talented this isn’t funny, and this fic ALMOST MAKES ME WANT TO BECOME AN ATLA BLOG AGAIN BAHHA- “he noticed he was considerably less stressed just by hearing his roommate’s voice” IM GONNA CRY​​

last stop... “what are the odds” from @hikariakaashi​ 

pairing: kuroo x fem!reader genre: roommates au, i would say fluff! warnings: none! word count: 3.2k their summary: it was an act of desperation, to say the least, downloading the app lev recommended for him. but he was in dire need of a wedding date. so when kuroo opened up the brightly colored app titled rent a girlfriend, he knew he was in for an interesting evening.

-> my review: so uh 1) i remember writing a review for this and i have no idea where it went IM SO SORRY DSKJFJ and 2) i would do anything for kuroo to be my bf even if it was just my job 😩😩 and 3) um ??? YOURE SO TALENTED?? MISS MA’AM??

now arriving at... london, england!

-> breakup fic time </3 you can make it an angsty breakup, or a fluffy exes to lovers!

first stop... “i love(d) you”- @floralkawa​

pairing: tsukishima x reader! genre: angst! warnings: none! word count: 300 their summary: one where tsukishima never showed his love. making it onesided, leading poor f/n on in a bitter relationship. of course, no one can handle it forever, can they ?

-> my review: this is the reason why i dont like angst. i felt this IN MY HEART, OKAY? NOELLE YOU LIED & SAID YOU COULDN’T WRITE FEELINGS. i hate it I HATE IT I HATE IT. but ugh youre talented enough to pull anything off and your angst is PROBABLY the only ones ill read willingly :( 

next stop... “i should have seen the signs”- @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner

pairing: oikawa x reader! genre: angst! warnings: none! word count: 2k their summary: going to the city of love and london was supposed to be an exhilarating vacation after a long week of exams. as it seems, love is fake and so is toru oikawa.

-> my review: um. this kinda hurted me tho. how am i even allowed to be friends with you like ?? miss ma’am? YOURE SO TALENTED??? i hate angst and ill say it again: I HATE ANGST. IT HURTS IT HUUUURRTSS. OIKAWA MY BABY WOULD NEVER DO THAT BUT HE DID. I CANSTEALK I CANT DEAL WITH THIS 

now arriving at... berlin, germany!

first stop... “Spring Chills”- @wesokkasimp

pairing: oikawa x reader! genre: fluff! warnings: none! word count: 447 their summary: you and Oikawa go for a walk on a chilly spring day. beware: banter ahead

-> my review: 😐😑😐 my heart wasn’t prepared for this. AND!! I BET Y/N LOOKED GREAT IN THAT TANK TOP; OIKAWA BETTER HAVE GIVEN HIS JACKET TO HER AFTERWARDS. jacket + tank top = cute outfit smh

next up... “warm and fuzzy”- @oikawaplssteponme​

pairing: kuroo x reader! genre:  fluff, a hint of angst, childhood friends to lovers, ‘boy next door’ warnings: one swear word, kuroo calls the reader ‘pretty’ however no gender pronouns are used, mini make out word count: 1.4k their summary: n/a but a quote: "The lights in your room were dim. Their golden-yellow tone shone above you, though you paid little attention to what was going on inside your room. You were much more interested in what was happening outside.”

-> my review: wait this actually reminds me of me and my front door neighbor GOODBYE AKLSJDF I MISS HIM :( ANYWAYS BAHHAHA- see you never miss 😐 i think awkward tetsu is underrated BYEALKSF THIS WAS SO CUTE I CANTASEKL

last stop... “ice cold”- @kyotarou​

pairing: tsukishima x reader genre:  fluff! warnings: bit of fanon tsukki, mutual pining, smidge of angst, fluff word count: 700+ their summary: n/a but a quote: “Asshole was the best word to describe Tsukishima Kei. He was an asshole to his peers, and it didn’t change towards you, his best friend.”

-> my review: mY TSUKISHIMA HEART OMG- okay OKAY I THOUGHT I GREW OUT OF MY LOVE FOR HIM BUT ITS ALL COMING BACK ASLKJFDL- oh to share a jacket and be vulnerable with tsukishima ✋😩 once again bestie youre so talented it isnt funny

now arriving at... bilbao, spain!

our only stop in this city... "break-in”- @kohi-zeri​​

pairing: iwazumi x reader! genre:  fluff!! warnings: mentions of food and common illnesses, use of “darling” and “brat” word count: 1.4k their summary: n/a but a quote: “there’s something so… infuriating about having a migraine. especially when it’s uncalled for.”

-> my review: i cant express to you how much i love sickfics. like JLSDFLJKFSALJ SADFL I CANT- ALSO I READ THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME WHEN I HAD THE WORST HEADACHE SO WHENEVER MY HEAD HURTS I COME REREAD THIS BAHAHHA-

here’s what some of our passengers are saying...

one passenger says “Wait. Stand right there, I want to take a picture of you.”

“pretty petals, pretty pictures”- @shxyo-sho​​​

pairing: iwazumi x reader! genre: fluff, mutual pining, just two best friends crushing on each other warnings: none! word count: 590 their summary: If you could describe your best friend, Kiyoko, in one word; what would it be? I would pick the word, flawless.

-> my review: repeat after me: kiyoko is a queen. and YOU DO HER JUSTICE I ASFDLKJ PLEASE- in all honesty i would be blushing if kiyoko said a word to me too- y/n you arent alone ✋😩

another passenger asks “Why aren’t you asleep?”

"night owl”- @atlabeth​​​​

pairing: sokka x reader! genre: fluff! warnings: stress over school and one (1) curse, but other than that it’s pure fluff word count: 907 their summary: If you could describe your best friend, Kiyoko, in one word; what would it be? I would pick the word, flawless.

-> my review: alright this isnt fair where is my irl sokka 😐 YOURE BRINGING ME BACK INTO MY ATLA DAYSDF LKSJA- not complaining tho I LOVE SOKKA SO MUCH. and “But for a “fairly smart person”, you made a lot of bad decisions.” THATS TOO RELATABLE STOP IT RIGHT NOW SFKDJK

HEHEHEHEH THANK YOU AGAIN!! SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG GOOD BYE

[fakeloveaskblog]

((not me chanting run run run to janus whilst reading that fic aaaaaa)) remy he is that bad, unfortunately. Like more than that bad, but do remember that it is your choice and no one, I mean Jo one, is pressuring you. 🐌🕸

(tw: abuse, U!virgil. y'know the usual)

Remy twirled the note that Janus had given them between their stale fingers. Just thinking about calling the number that had been written down on it, the number to the abuse shelter, gave them a headache.

They sent you a tired look when they heard you speak "....I know.....girl it's having the choice that is the like problem...i can't choose...i..i want to stay with Virgil but whenever he's around i tense up so much it feels like my bones will jump out of my skin an-and" They rolled their eyes "Girl I'm not stupid!- or i mean i am stupid but like- ugh- I know I shouldn't tense up around him! I know it ain't normal!"

they took a drag from the cigarette they had in their other hand to give themself time to think.

"I know what Janus wants me to do. And I know what Virgil wants me to do. And I'm just stuck in the middle" They sighed "Remus gets it. He gets me"

They kept holding onto the note as they moved their hand up to trail along their neck. They'd had another nightmare about it last night, but Janus has been there, not in the good way.

"maybe..." Their voice was weak "maybe me and Virgil just needs some distance...we've been together for so long....maybe if we....live separately for a little while...everything will work itself out...and we can go back to normal.....we could still meet up and uhm talk and go on dates even if i lived somewhere else right?...yeah.....yeah the...uhm if i call the shelter...it's...it's not too break up with virgil....i would never leave him- i love him....it would just be to get some distance....yeah....yeah that works....."

They didn't want to try and think of what 'normal' meant. Virgil was away at work but Remy thought it would be the best to hide in the bathroom while calling the shelter. In case he came home while on the call they could turn on the water to hide the noise and say they were just taking a shower.

They put out the cigarette against the nightstand and took a popper instead. They quickly dragged off the lid and pressed it up to their nose. Hopefully it would help with the pain. They put an extra one in their pocket just to be sure.

The cane laid discarded on the floor. They picked it up and managed to force themself up on their feet. They even walked a few steps before the pain got so bad it was literally blinding and their knees buckled under. A thud went out into their apartment as their head hit against the doorframe.

Remy curled in on themself and shut their eyes to try and force back tears. They held back a grimace as well. The frustration built up inside them until they hit their hand against the floor, which just made their wrist hurt.

"i'm so pathetic. this is so stupid. just bullshit. i'm pathetic" They mumbled to themself while trying to get up.

After some time they managed to get to the bathroom. Their limbs ached and the place on their spine where it had cracked felt like it was on fire. They leaned against the wall and took out their phone. The note was pressed tight in their palm.

They typed in the first digit. Their finger was shaking. For a few seconds they stared at the screen before quickly shutting it off.

"I can't do this! I can't! It- I can't betray Virgil like this! I can't! I can't do this! I'm just pathetic! I can't even do this!"

All Remy could focus on was breathing. Tears pressed on again but they held it back. They took out the other popper from their pocket and pressed it to their noise. Everything started to get fuzzy. Everything seemed lighter. Easier.

"no. no. i gotta do it. i can do this. it's just a phone call. it ain't even like i'm booking a bed there. just talking. i can do this. i have to. i'm so sick. i have to"

Remy typed in the rest of the number and called.

A woman with a voice soaked in honey answered "Hello. New eden abuse shelter here. Is there any issue?"

They froze. Their mouth stood agape with no words coming out. Everything got too fuzzy. Too bright. It was hurting their eyes. The headache kept throbbing.

"...Hello?.....Are you in a safe enough place so you can speak?" The woman asked.

Remy hit their hand against their head to try and make sense of their muddled thoughts.

"Yeah uh yeah. I was uh. Yeah I'm calling to uhm. Yeah hi hello" Remy's voice was so shaky it was ridiculous.

"Sir, do you need any help to prevent further abusive actions?"

"Yes! Or wait no it's not really abuse per say. But uhm I just- I mean- Yeah I'm calling to- I just need the address to the shelter please. Thanks. I can uh I have uhm like 15 dollars if- if it costs anything to stay"

A few seconds of silence went by before the woman calmly responded "Sir, I'm sorry but this is a shelter for women and nonbinary people"

Remy managed to get out a weak "i-i am nonbinary"

"You know what I mean. Most of the people here have been hurt by men and this is supposed to be a safe place. I'm sorry, I'm sure there are other places for you. It's just to not hurt anyone's healing process"

A part of them wanted to beg to her that they were being hurt. That he'd strangled them. But they pushed it back. It wasn't that bad between them and Virgil. It was just their fault, they kept doing everything wrong. There were other people much more deserving of help that they would have taken that help away from. They could just keep quiet and get through it until everything went back to normal.

"...i'm...i'm sorry" Was all Remy managed to get out before hanging up.

The tears pushed on again so they slammed the back of their head into the wall to hold it back. They could barely breathe. Their tongue felt heavy in their mouth.

Something copper like touched their lips and it took a few moments before they realized they were having a nose bleed. They didn't care to stop it. They let the blood flow down from their lips to their neck to their collarbones. The colors were so bright it was like they were impaling their eyes. Every sound was so loud it was horrible.

Time went by, they didn't know how much. The fuzziness was still there. It didn't feel like they could move, and yet they flinched when they heard the door open.

"Baaabe. I got the flu. The uhh love uh flu. Oh god this sounds much cheesier than in my head. Holy shit. I just want kisses okay. Forget everything before that. Just kisses please" Virgil greeted.

They could hear him kicking off his shoes and throwing off his jacket. Could see him walk past the doorway into the bedroom, before walking back to see them sitting on the floor. He held up a plastic bag.

"I bought more ramen. If you want that. Also why are you on the floor, with blood on your face. Honey I thought I told you we would only try cannibalism together like a true couple"

Remy stared up at him with eyes filled with terror "I- I was- I was going to shower but my body- it hurt- nosebleed- it all hurts"

Virgil hunched down next them and moved their hair behind their ear before kissing them "Aw babe. You reek of poppers. You shouldn't be surprised by the nosebleed"

"sorry"

"It's okay. Want me to help you into the shower?"

Remy nodded. Virgil gave them another kiss before moving his arms under their shoulders to help them up on their feet. He moved them over to the bathtub and sat them down on the edge of it. They dragged off their shirt while he took off their underwear. Their entire body was shaking from fear but they hoped he would just assume it was because of pain.

Virgil helped them down into the bathtub and then, to Remy's surprise, the turned around and picked up their phone. He leaned against the wall while checking it.

"uhm babe what- what are you doing?" Remy stuttered out.

"Oh you know. Just doing the usual. You shouldn't bring your phone into the bathroom, it could have gotten water on it"

"sorry"

They couldn't breathe. They couldn't breathe. They couldn't breathe.

Virgil checked for minutes on end. His eyes just seemed to linger on the screen, as if he wanted to make them nervous. He suddenly brought the phone up to his ear and put on a sickly sweet tone.

"Hello? Which number is this?"

His eyes wandered to his partner as someone answered. He forced a smile, like the one he used in customer service.

"Oh of course. Excuse me. I must have gotten the wrong number. Have a nice day!"

He hung up and shrugged.

"Weird. I get that you're hungry but you gotta recheck Uber-eats number before you randomly call someone. Okay?"

Remy's mouth felt so dry they were surprised when they managed to force out an "okay. sorry"

"Don't apologize. I'm just gonna put your phone out in the living room so it doesn't get water on it. Oh and your cane, don't want water on the gift the lovely lil ghost fuckers gave you"

He promptly took their cane and phone and left the room for only a few seconds before coming back and closing the door behind him. He undressed before getting in the bathtub as well.

Remy had curled in on themself again, with their arms snaked around themself and with their knees pulled up to their chest. The water hit their back as Virgil put it on. He leaned close and kissed them along their collarbones, they had to force back the urge to flinch away.

"Ugh it was horrible today. The manager made me go around in the bed area. The BED area!!! DO you know how many people tried to go up and ask me things! As if I would know shit about beds! I'm a vampire! I don't even sleep! What the fuck!!" Virgil complained while taking the shampoo bottle and putting some on his hands.

"sounds like hell" They mumbled back.

"IT SURe was!!"

Virgil massaged the shampoo into his partner's greasy hair. They kept trembling even if his hands were gentle.

"You've done anything today?" He asked.

"...not really....got high...was in pain....nothing unusual" They nearly choked on the lie. They didn't let themself look away from him.

"Mhm. Sounds boring as fuck"

He took a handfull of their hair to lean their head back so he could rinse it through with water. Remy could practically feel the grease get rubbed out. It actually felt nice.

Virgil's grip on their hair suddenly turned painful. He pulled their head back so it felt like their scalp was being dragged away from their skull before slamming their head underwater.

Remy let out a scream. The water went down their throat making them choke. Air bubbles floated up. Virgil's hand was still in their hair, his other hand pressed down on their chest to keep them there.

Their limbs were frozen in fear. They couldn't move. They couldn't breathe. Everything turned blurry. Their heart started to ache.

Suddenly Remy was being pulled up out of the water. There was still a hand in their hair. They gulped for air. All they saw was a blur. A spinning mess of a blur. They didn't understand what was happening.

"What did they say?" Virgil sneered out.

"what. w-who?"

"THE ABUSE SHELTER. YOU IDIOT! You better not lie to me"

"they- nothing- they didn't- i wasn't- they didn't allow me there-"

Remy didn't get to finish their sentence. They were pushed underwater. Their body wrought around in Virgil's grip. Their hands clambered desperately onto his wrists to try and force his hands away but he just forced them down for even longer.

Even though they tried to hold their breathe the air got knocked out of their lungs. Their hands numbed, their entire body numbed.

Virgil pulled them up from the water. Their stared right through him while hyperventilating. Tears went down their cheeks but they didn't make a single sound.

"NO ONE WANTS YOU! YOU GOT THAT!? NOT THE GROSS JANUS GUY. NOT THE REMUS FREAK. NOT EVEN THE FUCKING ABUSE SHELTER WANTS YOU!"

Remy barely even took in the words. They heard he was yelling. It was all just sounds. They could hear their heart beating out of their chest.

"IF YOU LEAVE THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL WANT YOU ARE RANDOM GUYS WHO WILL FUCK YOU FOR A WEEK AND THEN LEAVE YOU ONCE YOUR ONLY WORTH HAS BEEN USED UP. YOU'LL WITHER AWAY AND DIE BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO USELESS TO EVEN GET INTO A BATHTUB ON YOUR OWN. OR SOME OTHER GUY WILL TAKE YOU AND FUCK YOU FOR A WEEK AND I JUST KNOW YOU WILL LET THEM ONE AFTER THE OTHER BECAUSE WITHOUT ME YOU'RE JUST A STUPID USELESS WHORE WAITING TO DIE!"

The anger was blinding. Virgil didn't even know what he was saying. Barely even why. He just had to. He didn't know what else to do.

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME!?"

Remy kept staring out into nothing. Virgil forced them underwater again. Their lungs were burning. Their entire body was burning. Every nerve. Every bone. Every single inch.

Their body moved on it's own. Their arms tried to push him away while their legs kicked at anything and everything. They kicked Virgil right in the stomach, nearly knocking him over.

He let out a swear while dragging them up from the water. He slammed their head into the edge of the bathtub before letting go off them.

The pain pierced their head like a nail. Remy trembled as they moved as far away from their boyfriend as they could. Blood spilled out into the water. Their hands latched onto the edge of the bathtub, as if to keep themself upright. They kept staring out into nothing.

"I was gonna be nice y'know. I was gonna let you have your meds back any day now" Virgil lied "But you just had to go and betray me again! You just can't stop lying! Is that in your blood or something?! I didn't even think there was enough thinking happening in your brain to make up a lie. No wonder you never make up a good one!"

Remy didn't respond.

"You're a bad partner. A liar. A backstabber. You let me do all of the work. Don't you think I get tired!? I have to hold this relationship together while doing literally everything for you!! You can Not except anyone else to do this for you! Willingly! That's why you shouldn't even try, you don't have a choice unless you want to like die or get yourself a 60 year old sugar daddy who will hook you up on coke 'till you die. Death either way!"

Remy didn't respond.

"WHY AREN'T YOU SAYING ANYTHING!? You're giving me a headache! You're so fucking infuriating to be around sometimes. Insanity inducing! THAT'S ALL YOU ARE MOST OF THE TIME! AN ANNOYANCE! A THING IN THE WAY! A BURDEN! 99% OF THE TIME YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY FUCKING WORTHLESS"

Remy still didn't say anything. Virgil moved closer and leant their chin up to force them to look at him.

"It's no wonder your daddy beat you" He snarled out.

Remy's eyes widened. Their quiet crying grew into sobs. Still unnervingly silent. Ugly sobs that racked their entire body while they kept looking at him.

It took a moment before Virgil even realized what he'd said. He let go of them and slammed his hand over his mouth. He backed away before stumbling up from the bathtub.

"I- I didn't mean that! I DIDN'T MEAN THAT!"

Virgil caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror as he paced back and forth. Without thinking he punched his fist right into the mirror. The already cracked mirror broke even further, as blood pooled out of his knuckles.

He stumbled back and sat down with his back against the bathtub. He leaned his head in his hands as he started to hyperventilate. It wasn't panic attack levels of bad hyperventilating, it was more for show really.

"i didn't mean that. i didn't mean any of that. i didn't mean to do that. i promise. I'm not like that" He gasped out. "you just make me so angry! why can't you just stop making me angry! just stop lying an-and just- just stop! HOW IS IT THIS HARD TO NOT MAKE ME ANGRY!"

Remy turned to him. Blood was still going down from the new wound at the side of their head, and yet they leaned close to him and took his hand.

"I'm sorry" They mumbled out. "I know it's my fault. I'm sorry"

They pressed kisses to each of his knuckles. His blood got on their teeth.

"Why would you even call the shelter? I'm just- I'm just trying to take care of you. Why do you keep hurting me"

"I'm sorry...i'm just....i'm just stupid...not thinking things through..sorry"

Virgil's expression softened. He cupped their cheek which made them flinch.

"Aww, it's okay babe. I think I get it. The pain is making your brain all wrong isn't it? It's making you confused isn't it? You're not thinking correctly right now. All your memories get scrambled and your emotions gets too much and you think things happened that didn't actually happen. I guess I can't be mad at you for decisions your deteriorating brain is making. Really it was Janus and Remus fault for even letting you be with them in the first place. They were just using you to get what they wanted. It's quite clear you're stupid enough to be easily manipulated after all, no offense"

Remy was too dissociated to respond properly. They just nodded.

Virgil pulled them into a hug and combed his fingers through their blood stained hair, before kissing them long and hard.

"It's okay. I'll keep taking care of you. I love you, no matter what. Even if you're an infuriating burden"

"i'm sorry"

"It's okay babe. As long as you can take me getting fed up with your nonsense every now and then, I can take how useless you are at most things. This is like the whole base of having a lasting relationship y'know, accepting each other's faults"

Remy let out a small "mhm" They leant into the embrace, half out of it. It felt like they would pass out any second now. Their head kept throbbing in rhythm with their heartbeats.

"Let's just forget about this. Or I mean not forget the very important relationship realization we just had. Y'know accepting our faults and all that. But forget the other stuff! That happened before! Your wound will heal in no time so it will all be gone!"

(tw: some questionable consent coming up. nothing described in great detail. virgil does honestly believe it's 100% consensual if that helps)

He kept combing his fingers through their head "So let's just fuck and forget about this. Okay? Y'know fucking is like making a clean slate. We can ignore everything, except for the important stuff, that happened before. Okay?"

Remy looked right through him. Their head had lolled to the side "mhm"

"Okay good. Good. Great. We can just forget all that then. Good. I love you"

He leant in and kissed them while picking them up. They leant their head against his shoulder. Their eyes wandered over to their phone and cane laying on the couch as they passed the living room.

He laid them down on the bed. Remy reached out to take a popper, half out of routine. Virgil grabbed their wrist to stop them.

"You already had a nosebleed 'cause of them today, you really gonna take more?"

It took a few seconds before they replied "mhm"

He sighed and let their wrist go "Fine. I guess it's your choice"

"mhm"

They brought it up to their nose and took it in. They left it laying in their half open palm as their face got pushed down into the mattress. His hands were around their wrists.

Their eyes were blankly staring into the wall, barely regristrating anything, until the pain cut in. They started to cry before they even realized it.

They tried to hide it like they usually did. Tried to hold the winces in. But their head was spinning and time was a blur. Dark spots started to appear in their vision. They couldn't tell where the pain stopped and the feeling of their skin began.

"stoppleasestop" They mumbled out.

"You okay?"

They nodded.

Virgil let out a big sigh while rolling his eyes, but he did as told. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Way to be a moodkiller, like always. Y'know babe it's real difficult to get it on when you start crying like that every time. Or when you have that constant dead eyed look but only during like sex. Like a fucked up zombie, literally"

"i'm sorry"

"Don't Apologize! You can't help it. I know. I'm just a bitch. It Is annoying though. I mean you always think a whore would be good at sex y'know"

Remy stared down into the floor. Guilt started to eat them alive. Blood was smearing onto the pillow. They were already such a burden, they had to make up for it somehow. They had to be useful. They were useless in every other way. They had to. They had to. They had to.

The crying got worse even if they tried to hold it back. If they couldn't even be good at their only use then were they even worth anything at all. They choked on their words. There was still water in their stomach from being forced underwater.

"actually..i...i...it's fine...you...we can keep going" Remy choked out.

"You sure? it's your choice. No one is pressuring you"

They couldn't stand being a burden "yeah. i-i'm sure"

A sly smile appeared on his lips as he moved to kiss them. His tongue got pressed down into their mouth. Remy did their best not to cry, not to flinch. When he put his hand in their hair they wanted to scream. They wanted to run. Their face got pressed into the mattress so hard they couldn't breathe properly. Their body was frozen in effort to not cry, they couldn't move their head, couldn't tell him to lighten his grip.

The pain got blinding again. Everything got too much. The quick high off the popper started to wear off. Their spine was on fire again. Like someone was hammering nails all along their bones. Cutting up every single nerve piece by piece. They kept trembling and forcing back the urge to cry and flinch and throw up the water in their stomach until it all got too much. Until they passed out.

When Remy woke up again everything ached. Their sight was blurry. There was blood on their lip from a second nosebleed.

They'd been tucked under the blanket. Virgil was sitting on the edge of the bed with his boxers on and with a cigarette between his lips. Remy decided to keep pretending to be passed out. They couldn't take any more of it. They were so afraid if he knew they were awake they would have to do something more to prove they weren't a total burden. There stood a glass of water next to them on the nightstand and their raccoon plushie had been placed right onto their chest.

There was an empty pit in their stomach. Like an empty space where nothing could be placed to fill it up. Tar was filling their throat, reaching out into their mouth.

The dissociation fled away. Some sort of clarity appeared, but the clarity only consisted of regret. Every choice they'd made suddenly felt so idiotic they couldn't understand how they hadn't realized it sooner. They felt guilty. They felt like they were made out of tar. They felt like they had to tear themself out of their skin because their skin hadn't been theirs for years now. They had to scrape it off. They had to cut each and every skin cell off.

They wanted to- They wanted to be with Janus and Remus. The guilt got even worse at that. Somewhere at the back of their head they knew their crushes were probably at the Hanukkah party right this very moment. They wished they could close their eyes and recall Janus' warmth and Remus' scratchy laughter and pretend they were right there with the two of them. But they couldn't pretend, not when there was empty pit eating their insides. All they wanted was getting to escape to them, getting to dream away with them, for a moment their brain surged with all the happy memories they could have made together with them right this instant if they had let Janus help them leave like he'd begged them to.

(Remus was literally having a panic attack right in that instant, but Remy didn't have to know that)

Remy felt nauseous from longing. They couldn't take all of it at once. They wanted to escape. But they knew Virgil was right, there was no way they could actually leave, much less break up with him. They would just end up on alone on the street or dead no matter what. Either way they were too afraid of what Virgil would do if they tried to leave and failed to even consider it right now.

They didn't even want to leave him. Just the pain. They just wanted to dissociate from it...from it all....oh.

"babe" Remy let out in a raspy breathe.

Virgil nearly dropped his cigarettes "REMY! Are you okay? youpassedoutIdidn'tknowifyouwereokayIgotsoscared! Are you okay?"

"Babe. I love you. Love you so. I know you can get like weed and poppers.....Can't you get harder stuff?"

[go-go-garraty]

Brillig

Title: Brillig

Summary: Garraty closed his eyes for a second, and when he opened them again, he was in a whole new place.

Pairing: Ray Garraty/Peter McVries

AO3 Link: ❤

Ray Garraty took hold of his little tea table with both hands and calmly walked himself to his garden. 

 He sat below one of the tree's shades, placed the tray gently beside him, sitting with both legs splayed before him, he took one sip off his white and blue teacup, he held it tighter than he had to, holding onto the bright yellow haft like something depended on it.

 He closed his eyes for a second, and when he opened them again, he was in a whole new place. 

                                                   ------------------

Garraty’s eyes opened gradually and without hurry, nonchalantly the darkness behind his eyelids disappeared.

 He saw absolutely nothing familiar, when he finally, fully opened his eyes.

 “Wha-?” He gave himself three seconds to react, then shot to his feet “What!?”   

 He looked behind him, the tree was the same, nothing else was the same.

 “Uh!?” He was surrounded by a wild and grand forest, the trees escalating far greater than he ever thought should be possible, and he had grown on the forest, the trees were a burning green, and deep blue and Garraty thought maybe he had suffered brain damage.

 He felt his pulse quicken, he was getting dizzy, the trees were big enough to devour him.

 And suddenly <<Oh Dear! Oh, Dear! I shall be too late!>>

 He looked to the right and saw him pass, far enough to not be reached and.

 “I'm late! I'm late, I'm late!” 

 “Am I dreaming?” He asked, to nobody in particular.

 He saw pass a White Rabbit who wasn't anywhere near close enough for him to see, and yet he saw, he saw a squalid pale blonde boy, with huge, pure white, bouncing rabbit ears.

 He looked at The White Rabbit, or guy, he wasn't very sure, run faster and faster, far away from view, he focussed on his blushed face, he seemed to be a few seconds before fainting out form the strain, Garraty didn't feel such a huge need to chase after him until The Rabbit got his clock out.  

 “Yeah okay, I'm dreaming” Garraty’s head pulsated and at that moment Garraty came to full terms with his situation. He was calm again, feeling cold, and like his head was about to explode.

 He saw The White Rabbit reach inside his red tattered coat, and pull out a golden hand clock, he saw it, again and again, the same way Garraty had stared at his own clock, before saving it and running again.

 Garraty then, began running, for some reason he couldn't discern, his head hurt, when he ran it didn't, he knew he was dreaming, because rabbit boys didn't exist in real life, or blue trees, so if he felt like chasing, like running as fast as possible against that Rabbit he didn't even have to consider not doing it.

 He simply ran, without really feeling his feet at first, he felt like he was suddenly there, nothing more than that, suddenly behind that boy, looking at his ears bounce up and down, hearing that worried screaming, stepping over long and shiny grass strands, running out of breath, feeling the wind hit him in the face, and yelling behind him.

 “Please wait!” Garraty called out behind him, The White Rabbit didn't even turn to him, his ears twitched “Please wait!”

 “I'm late! I can't wait!”

 “Where are you going to!?” Garraty didn't know why he cared, but he cared so much.

 “The Tea Party! Work! Everywhere!” The Rabbit shouted, his eyes still focused somewhere very far away from them.

 “Where's The Tea Party!?” He supposed this is how the dream was supposed to go.

 “At The Hatter Family Mansion!” The White rabbit actually turned around to tell him that, without slowing down at all though, Garraty could barely keep at his tail, The Rabbit gave him one second to gaze at his worried quavering eyes, his teeth were clinked together with all the strength in the world “I am so late!” The Rabbit screamed right at his face, then began running again. 

          ��                                         ------------------

The White Rabbit ran far faster than Garraty ever thought possible, Garraty could only stare as he got away from his reach.

 Garraty kept running, he felt like he should be panting, completely out of breath by now but no, he simply kept running, almost not feeling the ground, or his feet slamming violently against it, Garraty thought he could do this forever if he felt like it.

 “So late!” The Rabbit stopped completely out of the blue, Garraty thought the speed he was going to would make him trip over at least, but no, he simply stopped, Garraty didn't but he felt like he was floating, not even running, he was sure he was still moving forward, but he couldn't tell if he was going anywhere.

 The White Rabbit stopped around some bushes beside the roots of a tree, and pulled his clock out again, stomping his left foot against the ground twice, like he was waiting for an elevator.

 The bushes parted, and The Rabbit left himself fall, without looking back, or giving it a second thought, he merely heard the riot of the leaves against each other and like it was his own bed, he fell down the rabbit hole.

 And Garraty went right behind him.

                                                  ------------------

“What do you want!?” The White Rabbit was falling a little behind him, or down to him, using both hands to cup his mouth and yell louder, his ears flapped against each other, he had both legs extended normally, like at any point he was going to get tired of falling and simply start walking.

 “AAAAAHHHHH” Garraty had both legs pressed tightly against his chest, his voice didn't echo inside the rabbit hole.

 “Why are you screaming so much?” The Rabbit put his hands lightly on his ears, he grimaced “You are giving me a headache.”

 Garraty felt his left eye twitch, he stared at The Rabbit’s eyes, and The Rabbit stared right back at him, Garraty’s jaw was hanging open.

 “Staring at people with such an open jaw, and wide eyes is rude, don't you know?”

 So rabbit boys with clocks who spoke were considered people too, good to know.

 “Oh yeah, that this is a dream” Garraty said out loud to himself, sounding very tired, he sighed and hanged his head, doing that while falling felt like closing your eyes on a rollercoaster.

 The Rabbit tilted his head at that, his ears moving cutesy-like to the side “A dream” He repeated “Is this all a dream to you?”

 “What else is it going to be?” Garraty rolled his eyes a little, the sequence was repetitive but there was no other way to work around it, an unskippable cutscene.

 “Am I a dream to you too?” He rested a hand carefully on top of his chest, his eyes were focused now, Garraty felt tested, somehow.

 “Are you not?”

 “If I were, asking me wouldn't help.”

 “There's no way this is real, it must be a dream.”

 “So the possibilities here are: That you are dreaming me, or that I'm dreaming you.”

 “Are you?”

 “If I were, I wouldn't tell you.”

 “And if you don't tell me, I'm allowed to assume you aren't.”

 The Rabbit smiled, the simple faintest trail of a smile, it was an exercise in lip pulling, and Garraty felt like he passed the exam.

 They lived on that small moment of pure silence, a feeble moment that could have very well not existed at all, and then there came the flying books.

 The books flapped their opposite sides in front of their noses, flying away like crows in hordes, Garraty tried to step away without realizing it, and his foot touched something, he heard himself cry out loud again, he was standing on top of an old closet.

 “AAAAAA!”

 “It's nothing but wood” The White Rabbit pointed out, as a deck of red cars flew past his hair and besides Garraty’s ear, and a bunch of toasts with butter were flying like butterflies on top of them, they kept falling, Garraty felt like they were falling quicker now. 

 A neon purple hat stacked up with colorful feathers flew past him, and almost seated down on his head, a bouquet of flowers speaking to each other, they were falling so much faster now, a mirror beside him, he caught a glimpse of his marveled face.

 “We are almost down” The White Rabbit yelled up to him again, he had his pocket watch in hand, boredly looking at the hour, only one foot on the red and golden fancy couch beneath him.

 “What!?” Garraty screamed.

 “That we almost arrive” The Rabbit replied vexed, saved his clock back on his coat, he sighed and they touched ground.

 Garraty had his eyes squeezed shut, he didn't dare open them, he didn't want to see if he had a broken leg, the thought that he could die falling down this hole had suddenly invaded him, like the awareness he was dreaming raised and fell at will, there was always the possibility he could break his bones in dreams, who knew.

 “Why don't you open your eyes?” Okay, so he wasn't dead, he supposed that was good “You are taking so long as well.”

 “Sorry” Garraty reached a hand up to his head, he didn't really have a headache, he really wasn't suffering of pain anywhere, he supposed that speech about not feeling pain during dreams was real.

 He opened his eyes, The Rabbit was kneeling in front of him, he was really, really close, Garraty jumped back.

 The Rabbit giggled “Silly” He stood up like a doll and walked forward. 

 He didn't run for a second, looking before him as if he was gazing apart the threads of Garraty’s dream into something else, he looked like a beautiful statue forever frozen in time. Garraty approached him softly, mere centimeters, he didn't stand up to run and catch him, it didn't feel proper, like if he did he would break the dream.

 They heard faint trumpets muffled somewhere far away, that automatically brought The Rabbit back.

 The Rabbit made a perfect half-turn, standing before him, sparing him one glance through the corner of his eyes, then he ran again.

 He ran right past him, his hair brushed him lightly as he went, he was so, so fast, and Gararty felt the air being knocked out of deep between his guts.

 Garraty’s first instinct was to chase after him again, but he wasn't fast enough to even run by his side this time, he seemed even faster now, somehow, down here, or up here, Garraty couldn't be sure, anymore.

 “Wait, wait, wait!” He reached out to him, even if everything that he could still sense of him were his footsteps.

 “No time left!” The White Rabbit sounded far more serious now.

 He ran, and only arrived to see an awfully small door opening itself for The White Rabbit, and then slamming itself shut again. 

 Garraty’s footsteps stopped, now they seemed to be echoing, when they bounced back on him they made him feel inadequately big. 

 “It’s small” He said out loud, as quietly as he could, like his voice could cause an avalanche, he felt like his head was touching the ceiling, he looked up, had there even been a ceiling here before, there was a warm brown ceiling hovering just a few centimeters before his head now.

 Garraty out his hand up and touched it, he was really surprised when he truly felt it, felt the concrete solid material it was built from and its little imperfections marking themselves on his hand, he had expected it to fade away when he touched it, he thought dreams were made of the same stuff as clouds. 

 But apparently, they weren't, and being so close to the ceiling was already making him claustrophobic.

 Garraty stepped back, he felt silly trying to run away from the ceiling, he still felt silly, even when he successfully ran away from the ceiling and didn't feel pressed anymore after he stepped back a little.

 He didn't feel so terribly tall anymore, he looked at the room up and down, this was a room now, it didn't feel fit to question it, he looked up, there was no ceiling, his hair floated up, it tickled him right above his eye, it felt as if he was standing on the ceiling, but then that would mean there was no ground, maybe there wasn't, and he was still falling, who knew.

 He stood in the middle of that room, or air, velvet carmin doors around him, he felt like he could put his hand against it, and it would sink into another dimension, he walked further in.

 In the middle, there was a small wooden three-legged varnished table, with a plain golden key and besides it, standing elegantly a crystal bottle with a label that read ‘DRINK ME’.

 And Garraty did, because that's what people do when they are dreaming, right? Had he been younger he would have checked for a poison label on it, but who cares, anymore.

 Garraty had grabbed it, popped off the crystal heart-shaped cover, and drank the tiniest bit of the rose-pink contents.

 And he shrank down.

 His feet stopped touching the ground for a second, then he dropped completely to the floor, he heard the bottle make a high pitched ‘Clank’ sound when it fell on top of the table. He yelped out in pain.

 “I'm small now, too?” He looked up, everything seemed light years away from him now.

 The bottle danced around the edge of the table for a few seconds, then with a half already on the air, the rest of the contents began pouring out, it rained on top of him like a cascade, it elevated him from his feet, and engulfed him all the way to his neck, it smelled sweet, the pink water stained his face, the current took him away by force, going full speed somewhere deeper in the room, Garrarty thought this is how the animals must have felt like during the great flooding.

 He tried to swim against the current, but eventually gave up, everything was filled up with water.

 “I just wanted to cross a door” Garraty said to himself. He hated the way the water made his bangs stick to his face.

 “You too?” A nervous small voice called him over, he looked all around him, but didn't see anybody floating near him “Over here” The voice got closer, it was a boy with a black square pair of glasses, and mouse ears. 

 “My name is Harkness” The Mouse, who's name was Harkness, now he knew, offered his hand for a friendly greeting, Garraty stared at his perfectly human-looking hand with a little twitch in his right eye.

 Garraty felt rather disturbed with himself when he didn't even feel like gasping, he supposed the rabbit ears were enough to desensitize him.

 The Mouse(?) looked at him, he seemed uncomfortable with eye contact “Hey?” He raised his hand and swung it back and forth in front of Garraty.

 “Oh” Garraty blinked twice “Sorry. You too...-?” He didn't really know how to explain their current situation. 

 “Yeah, me two” The Mouse fixed his glasses, Garraty realized they weren't stained or wet at all, “I two got caught in this storm.”

 “Sto-?” Garraty caught his words, better not to tell the Mouse that he had caused ‘The Storm’ “Yeah, terrible.”

 “Harrowing you should say” The Mouse said, as he swam a little closer to Garraty, he closed his eyes for a second, then made the most awful grimace on the world “You smell like a dog!”

 “Oi!?” Garraty raised his hand up, throwing water at the both of them, The Mouse yelped, looking like he was trying to hide from the water inside the water.

 “You smell like a dog!” The Mouse yelled, and hid a portion of his face behind his hands, Garraty realized he looked pretty scared right now, and immediately felt guilty.

 “I'm sorry” He apologized, lowering his hand back beneath the water, he almost didn't realize he was being taken anymore “I didn't know Mouses hated dogs too.”

 “Me, and my family, we all hate dogs, and cats the most!” He said, kicking his legs against the flow a little harder.

 “Why is that?” Garraty had never considered asking mice themselves why they hated dogs, and, or cats, and it may seem like a rather obvious question to The Mouse himself but he wasn't about to pass up the opportunity to do so.

 The current started going harder against them, moving them around, harshly.

 The Mouse spoke louder, out of breath “If we manage to get to the shore... maybe… one day… I'll tell you all about it…”

 “The Shore?” Garraty simply thought he would be drifting around forever.

 “Yes, The Shore” The Mouse did his best to point to a far away place with the arms he should be trying to swim with, and there, indeed, was a shore, or at least something that resembled a shore, like a lot, Garraty hadn't seen it at all before, even though he had been swimming right to it, like it had suddenly appeared for plot convenience.

 Garraty remembered all the tiresome sports classes he had been through before, and put his strength on his legs, and arms, and swam forward as fast as he could, The Mouse went right behind him. 

 They swam closer to the shore, a shore that was an ebony-colored stool, but nobody was going to point that out either, and there they found, a bunch of weird guys with animal ears standing around, yelling at each other.

                                                     --------------------

Garraty stared at the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle, and chose not to question it.

 “Hey, guys” Harkness ran up to them, half tripping on his feet, Garraty always hated the feeling of getting out of the water, it felt like a waste, and like everything in him was weighing him down.

 “Hey” The Mock Turtle answered, the Gryphon just said Harkness’s name, and nodded. 

 Harkness took off his glasses, and cleaned them as well as he could with the hem of his shirt.

 “We need to get out of here, my glasses are falling apart” Harkness announced, as if he was talking to the room itself.

 “What do you want us to do, hold hands, dance around, and wait for a bunch of clams to come out so we can have a scene of a tale about eating them?” The Mock Turtle asked.

 “Are you referencing the book scene, or the movie scene?” Harkness replied, his glasses falling a little off his nose.

 “Uhm?” Garraty raised his hand uncomfortably, he was beginning to feel like a side character on a badly written joke.

 “Oh, yeah” Harkness turned to him, pushing the glasses back up with his index finger “You guys forgot to introduce yourselves.”

 “Why would we need to introduce ourselves?” The Gryphon looked Garraty up and down, unimpressed, with his arms crossed, Garraty felt like this is the exact sort of guy he wouldn't want to cross, dream, or not.

 “Why you so rude, Collie?” The Mock Turtle put his right arm on top of The Gryphon’s head, then began explaining “I'm sorry, this antisocial, bad-tempered, huge cat, is named Collie Parker, ironic I know” (These two concepts don't go together at all, thought Garraty) The Mock Turtle put his right hand on top of his chest “And I'm Abraham, Gryphon, and Mock Turtle respectively, but the narrator already told you that.”

 “I'm Ray Garraty” Garraty waved shily.

 “Hey, Ray Garraty” Abraham waved back at him.

 “How does one fix something?” Harkness's voice called Garraty’s attention again, he was standing proudly in front of Parker, something about the Maus looking in most control right now, standing in front of the Gryphon, amused Garraty greatly “By reversing the mess that caused the problem to begin with.”

 Garraty thought about the bottle, that was the most direct thing that had caused all of this, though maybe that wasn't exactly what Harkness meant, that was really as far as he was willing to go back today, maybe because any further wouldn't have really been himself anymore.

 And then Garraty heard that sharp crystal breaking noise in reverse.

 Garraty looked up, and from the sky in slow motion fell the same bottle he had broken a little earlier, was he reliving his own memories form a different perspective, or something? 

 “Here it comes” Garraty said, his voice oddly leveled, like watching a thunderstorm fall in another continent, he placed both arms protectively over his head.

 “Wha-?” Parker looked up, he caught a shining glimpse “Goddam!” He yelled to the skies, then they left the bottle fall.

 The crystal bottle fell before them, monstrously huge now, Garraty had closed one eye, with a pained expression on his face, he had expected an awful sharp, and piercing noise as the crystal shattered and fell on top of them, but that hadn't happened at all.

 The bottle had melted into a door before them, a stained glass of soft red colour, Garraty opened his other eye, he felt a little disappointed, nothing too disastrous had happened.

 “Y’all a buncha scaredy cats” Parker yelled back at them, Parked hadn't stepped back nor closed his eyes at all, he had only stood there, very visibly annoyed.

 “We already knew that, Parker” Abraham said, standing with his back to Parker.

 “Damn right” Parker said, cracked his neck, took one step back with calm, to then bring up his fists up, and hit the red crystal door, the pieces came flying full force in all directions, Garraty brought his arm up to protect his face.

 Parker and Abraham scuffed a little longer, Garraty ignored them, he focused his gaze past the new opening, there were blue roses on one side, and red on the other, he felt bad going ahead without them, but they seemed really focused on yelling at each other.

 He stepped carefully on top of the shards, taking his firsts steps outside, it felt like his first time outside in his whole lifetime.

                                                   --------------------

Garraty stared at the blue and red roses, he heard trumpets somewhere down south, like the noise was coming from the clouds. 

 He looked behind him there was no door anymore, he felt like he had gone back to his regular height then looked around him and saw not trees but grass.

 He stood dumbly around for a minute ‘Well that solved itself rather quickly’ He thought. 

 He didn't know what he wanted to do anymore, was he going to be fun-sized forever? Or at least until he woke up, he didn't know.                     

 The smell of dew got into his nostrils, the pieces of grass arrived far higher than his head, little droplets of rain fell on top of him from time to time, he wasn't really bothered by this, he stared at the gigantic flowers growing what appeared to be miles away from him, they sounded like they were singing, Garraty didn't feel like messing with them.

 “Do you never look at where you are going?” A voice stopped Garraty on his tracks.

 Garraty jumped back a little, and looked up, a boy was laying on top of a grand, red and white, mushroom, reclining himself on his right elbow, looking down at Garraty with one uninspired eyebrow raised, and a big smoking pipe resting beside him. 

 “Who are you?” The boy asked, pieces and bits of smoke escaping through his teeth, like it was compressed ice.

 Garraty, somehow, didn't know how to answer that question, was he still the same person he had always been if he was different now, he opened up his mouth to say his name, and was interrupted.

 “You are not your name” The boy said, more smoke leaving his mouth, Garraty thought he had an ashtray inside.

 Garraty clenched his hands a little, he felt almost like a little kid about to throw a tantrum, people like this always managed to get on his nerves, yet he always ended up with people like this, like a magnet in his blood “Who are you ?” He asked back.

 “By your logic, I am Pearson, I'm the Caterpillar, that's all meaningless” He said, taking back the pipe and exhaling deeply afterwards, the smell of opium filling the air.

 “Is it completely meaningless?”

 “It is as meaningless as you can be.”

 “What does that even mean?” Garraty looked to the piece of grass besides Pearson, a drop of water almost ready to fall off it.

 “That if you have no meaning,l you are meaningless” He said, playing with the pipe.

 “Ah… I see.”

 Pearson kept looking down at him, he looked just as bothered as Garraty felt “Why does it cost you so much to answer who you are?”

 Garraty thought back, he had no reason, or need to explain himself to any stranger, but he never walked away from any stranger “Maybe, because I have been changing so much since this morning” He offered.

 “How have you changed?”

 “I'm older now, my height, the place I was, the people I know...” He was counting with his fingers, he was going to keep going, but Pearson interrupted him.

 “What's bad about your height right now?”

 “Well, being three inches tall isn't exactly the best height I ever had.”

 “Why not?” Pearson stood up, he was exactly three inches tall, Garraty felt a knot in his throat, he didn't know what to answer, Pearson glared him down even harder “Anyways, if your height is everything that's stopping you from answering...” He looked down to his pipe “Come here.”

 Garraty walked closer to him, standing right on the very edge of his mushroom home Pearson puffed with his eyes closed, seemingly in a lot of concentration, from his pipe, held it in for five seconds, and then blew some of its smoke onto Garraty's face, Garraty felt himself grow taller again.

 “Thank you!” He yelled, and ran away, didn't want to get more smoke thrown at his face, and end up disappearing, or something, he hoped he didn't step over any other caterpillars, or singing flowers on his way out though.

                                                ------------------

Garraty made sure he was far away enough, or what seemed like far away enough, before he slowed down, he looked at himself, he thought he was his normal height now.

 He kept walking forward, cutting through the grass, staring at the immense field around him, looking left, and right, as if he was passing a busy street, nothing seemed different, like the background simply repeated itself every few steps.

 <<Late!>> That was a voice he recognized, he felt like the world repeated itself every few steps, everything is a cycle and so, he followed the voice.

 He walked closer to it, he switched paths east, he felt like he was playing a game of cold or hot with himself.

 <<Why are you so annoying?>>

 Garraty followed the voice, to a beautiful mansion in the middle of the forest, Garraty wondered if it would be made of sweets, he walked towards it.

 Garraty walked delicately to the enormous golden gates in the middle of the forest, they seemed open, for some reason.

 He got closer to them, his hand extended out, as if he was trying to touch them, all as finely as possible.

 And then, he jumped back.

 <<Late!>> That was a voice he recognized. 

 He walked closer this time, losing the sensitivity of before, he was already crossing the line, past the gate into the private property, Garraty was somehow aware that this isn't something that he would ever do in real life, the fact that this wasn't real life helped with that though.

 He passed the gates, allowing himself a second to breathe in the mansion before him.

 It was still a long, long path to the doors of the mansion, but he could still see the building fine, like it was right besides him, Garraty wondered just how grand it would be up close, rose bushes surrounded the dirt paths to it, the rest was trees and grass, thankfully these trees weren't blue, Garraty would have felt too ashamed of his brain if they were.

 He heard the familiar <<Late late!>> but this time a voice interrupted him <<You really can't stay to your unbirthday, after we made a sit for you, and all.>>

 Garraty managed to tear his eyes away from the mansion at that, he had to chase The Rabbit, that's how this story went.

 He walked on one of the dirt paths, following the voices as closely as he could.

He skirted the mansion, getting a look at the windows, and doors on the back, he couldn't make up a big difference between the front, and the back, he kept going.

 “My, oh my, how rude.”

 Garraty took three steps closer to the voice, and he found himself face to face with The Mad Tea Party.

                                                      ------------------

Sitting at the big, offbeat table, were more people with rabbit ears, because why not, right?

 Garraty stared at The White Rabbit, he was standing on the edge of the table, Garraty had caught him mid running away, again.

 Garraty stared at the commenals sitting in front of him, a boy with Hare ears on the right, and one guy sitting center, with one leg on top of the other, and the tallest most absurd hat Garraty had ever seen.

 The table was the largest thing he had ever seen, cluttered with all sorts of chairs, oddly decorated on every single possible space, but there didn't seem to be more invitees ‘Why are there so many guys with animal ears in this one?’ 

 “Well, well, who's this?” Garraty blinked twice, he couldn't focus on where the voice had come from.

 “Over here” Garraty looked around, centering his gaze to one of the back chairs, there languidly, a figure manifested itself, first a wide, fixed, and intense, pure white grin, and then the rest of the body, without hurry behind it.

 Now a boy with blonde hair, and purple striped ears smiled at him, he didn't look so creepy when he was fully formed.

 “He” The boy pointed at the guy, with the hat, sitting to his right “Is the one who said that.”

 “Oh, Art, must you always steal my thunder?” The guy with the hat spoke, with an over the top, exaggerated hurt.

 “If you don't have any reason for me to stay, I actually have duties to perform” The White Rabbit spoke up, stepping back a little from the edge, as if to get ready to jump again.

 “What duties? You are already late to everything” The guy with the hat said.

 “As you always are” The guy with cat ears said.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

“I'm not late” He searched for his clock inside his coat “It must be three o’clock somewhere else.”

 “Weren't you screaming about it a few seconds ago?” The guy with the hat spoke.

 “Shut up, McVries” So his name was McVries.

 This all sounded mundane enough for Garraty to start freaking out again “Do you have a name?” Garraty asked The White Rabbit, he didn't know why that had first come into his head, but he had already said it.

 “Of course I have a name” The Rabbit actually turned to look at him for that “Why do you care?” He turned back, held his leg back up to jump, and McVries grabbed it. 

 “Are you really, not even going to introduce yourself, to the poor boy who's been chasing you around, all up until here all this time, Bunny?” McVries held onto Stebbins’s leg, before he could jump away.

 “Don't call me that, McVries” The Rabbit tried to pull away, and didn't succeed at all.

 “Fine then, I will” McVries turned to him “My name is Peter McVries, you can call me The Mad Hatter” He held tighter onto The White Rabbit’s leg “And this mannerless, unpunctual, rabbit, is called Stebbins.” 

 “Nice to meet you, Stebbins” Garraty automatically extended his hand up to him, his lower abdomen touching the checkered white, and blue mantel.

 Stebbins looked back and forth, between McVries, and Garraty “...Mmn?” His ears twitched a little.

 “Nice to meet you” Garraty repeated, holding his hand up higher, standing a little on his tiptoes, as if Stebbins had somehow missed it.

 “Uhm” Stebbins fully turned back, one foot perfectly in front of the other, like a ballet dancer, he held his hand right below his tie, he stepped forward a little, and kneeled down, he took Garraty’s hand lightly, and barely, just the tips of his fingers touching Garraty’s skin, he made an up and down awkward motion “Nice to meet... you?”

 “My pleasure!” Garraty smiled, he wasn't about to criticize a rabbit’s ability to shake hands.

 Stebbins looked to the side, and whispered “My own.”

 “Awww” Garraty looked back Stebbins’s shoulder to see McVries “How heartwarming!” 

 Stebbins retrieved his hand immediately and stood up at once “Shut up, McVries.”

 “Why? Isn't a meager, wretched, Mad Hatter, such as myself, allowed to dream of heartwarming scenes?”

 “No, you are not.”

 McVries flinched a little “Critical hit.”

 “Good” Stebbins answered.

 “Hey” The guy with the cat ears raised his hand “My name is Art Baker, I'm the Cheshire Cat” Garraty nodded “And you, Stebbins, are still very late” Baker raised his hand up as if to demonstrate it, and in that moment, the trumpets resounded.

 Stebbins’s ears flinched up “I'm late!” He ran back, and jumped off the table, without stepping on any cake, or cup, the mantel only wrinkling under his shoes, McVries stared at him as he jumped right beside his shoulder, and ran away to the garden.

 “Ah!” Somebody yelled in the back, Garraty turned back, a little boy with small mouse ears seemed to have suddenly woken up, Garraty hadn't seen him at all.

 “He stepped on my hair!” He patted his own head, with teary eyes.

 “And that's Percy, he's The Dormouse” McVries explained “We keep him around, because we never learned to let go of him.”

 “Hi” Garraty waved at him “Are you hurt?” 

 “Don't worry, Dormouses don't get hurt” McVries explained.

 “Oh… okay” Garraty nodded.

 “And I'm here too! Don't forget I'm part of this scene too!” The one sitting on McVries’s left raised his fist against the sky, as if reclaiming to the screenwriter of this play “My name is Hank Olson, I'm The March Hare.”

 Olson had light brown rabbit ears (That Garraty was pretty sure he didn't need to keep mentioning that, by this point) and the most patched up suit on the world, Garratty shook hands with him too.

 “Sorry.”

 “Anybody else we are forgetting?” McVries said, looking around.

 “There's the gatekeepers, Mike and Joe, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, but they aren't here” Baker said.

 “They are also not on the gates” Garraty said, so this sort of mansions were supposed to have gatekeepers too.

 “Oh, you haven't been to their usual gates” Said McVries “Now, don't you want to take a seat?” McVries signaled, with his open palm, to the huge chair besides Garraty.

 Garraty carefully sat down, the chair went off balance below him, and whatever it was made of, Garraty couldn't distinguish if it was wood or bronze, creaked awfully under his weight “Thank you.”

 “You are welcome” McVries gave him one amused wink before sipping on his tea, Garraty wondered what McVries had meant winking like that.  

 “Take some wine!” Olson said, throwing a teacup across the table, Garraty was glad it stopped way before it was actually near him, though.

 “You have wine?” Garraty looked around, everything was huge or tremendously small cakes, milk, and tea.

 “No! This is a Tea Party! Why would we have wine?” Olson brought up his teacup, and the contents all spilled from the sides, making new darker spots on the tablecloth.

 “Ignore the idiot, Ray” McVries said.

 “Hey!”

 “And have some tea instead” McVries passed him a white, and blue nice little teacup “It's black tea with milk.”

 Garraty looked at it, its insides were like galaxies dancing around, and Garraty had already drunk one unidentified liquid on a pretty vessel this morning, and he hadn't died so? He gave it a quick, shy sip.

 “Oh!” Garraty felt the taste of stars on his tongue, he didn't know how he knew that, he simply was sure that this is how stars would taste like in this world, like a wonder.

 “What is it, Ray?” McVries asked, head slightly tilted to one side, one gloved pinky finger still up.

 “It tastes amazing!” Garraty said, he felt really embarrassed now.

 McVries chuckled, his laugh made his voice sound deeper “I'm glad you like it.”

 “I liked it a lot, thank you for putting milk on it.”

 “You do look like you would like it.”

 “I do?”

 “You do” McVries nodded thoughtfully “And speaking about things you do, Happy Unbirthday!”

 “My Unbirthday?” Garraty pointed to himself.

 “You know, the day that isn't your birthday” Olson said “Today isn't anybody's birthday!”

 “I'm sure it must be somebody's birthday” Said Garraty.

 “Is it your birthday?” Baker asked.

 “No...”

 “Then it isn't anybody's birthday, this table right now, is everywhere” Baker said, he was making circles inside his teacup, with a small silver spoon.

 “I know it's my unbirthday today” Said McVries.

 “It's my unbirthday too” Garraty said, he still felt self-conscious in the middle of all of this.

 “That's why I said: Happy Unbirthday” McVries raised his cup again “Now down all your tea.”

 “Eh?”

 “On your Unbirthday, you either sing a silly song, or down all your tea in one go, do you want to sing?”

 “I help you sing.”

 “Art, no.”

 “Or chug it” McVries finished.

 “I chug it” Garraty took his cup up, and downed it, it wasn't particularly hard, but it was the first time he had been pressured into drinking a whole teacup at once.

 Garraty finished, and breathed out to the cheers of <<Happy! Unbirthday!>> When he looked up, the night was already here.

 Suddenly night fell, like a new cardboard background on a play, it fell heavily, and all at once, Garraty stared at it, it was one of the most unnatural things he had ever seen, it had been plain daylight when he had first closed his eyes, and he didn't mind it as much as he was sure he should.

 “You should stay” McVries said, staring at the moon behind Garraty.

 “But-” Garraty looked around himself, there wasn't any reason not to stay, but his first instinct was always to reject others.

 “Do you have another place to stay?” Baker asked.

 “Actually… no.”

 “Then, please stay, we will love your company” McVries said.

 Garraty looked at the empty teacup below him, remnants of black and white dancing on it, it made him think of ashes for some reason, he breathed in deeply, he couldn't understand why this of all things made him so self-conscious.

 He looked up at McVries, his eyes were so difficult to hold contact with “Okay. Please have me, I hope I won't bother.”

 “Not at all” McVries clinked his teacup with one finger.  

 “Good, because I have somewhere to go!” Baker announced, then promptly disappeared, Garraty immediately put his arm through the now empty space of Baker’s chair, and moved it around.

 “If he was still there, he would be on his right to bite your arm” Olson said.

 “So, he is more cat than human” Garraty noted.

 “Yes, you better go to sleep, before you get your arm bitten” McVries said, standing up from his chair.

 “Didn't you say he wasn't here?” Garraty looked back, from Olson to McVries.

 “With Artie, you never know” McVries stretched, and began walking inside the residence with no hurry, Olson and Percy walked behind him like ducklings, Garraty blinked a few times before he realized he had to follow as well.

                                                    ------------------

McVries stood in front of the dark brown doors of his mansion, they looked like they were made from a giant to enter, and in reality, they might be. 

 Garraty felt like they extended as far as the eye could see, but he could see the ceiling of the mansion, and there weren't doors there, McVries clapped once, and they opened themselves up.

 McVries walked in, he reminded Garraty of a cat walking through his neighborhood, the rest simply ran in, and away.

 “The idiot, and Percy, are going to their rooms” McVries said, Garraty looked at Percy who had fallen asleep on the hallway, and Olson who was off to an unknown place, with the same expression as a cowboy riding off to the horizon.

 Garraty nodded towards Percy “Does he not have a room?”

 “The world can be your room, if you so will it, and Percy has mastered it” McVries utterly ignored it, Garraty decided to approach Percy, McVries stopped walking, he looked over, callous, with his arms lazily crossed in front of his chest.

 Garraty kneeled down and whispered “You shouldn't sleep here.”

 Percy opened his eyes all at once, jumping back, he slightly got himself hit against the cream-colored wall.

 “Are you okay?”

 Percy reached to the back of his head, making that miserable face with squeezed eyes, and tight lips that children make right before they cry. 

 Garraty winced, he hated seeing children cry, it didn't matter if these children had rat ears and a tail. 

 “Please don't cry!” Garraty put his hands in front of his face, like he was trying to protect himself.

 “Don't worry! Don't worry!” A woman dressed as a maid came running towards them, she grabbed Percy, and carried him, his head resting on her collarbone, the woman looked between him and McVries, McVries nodded idly, the woman immediately bowed “Thank you very much, Sir!” 

 “N-No, it's okay” Garraty looked down at his feet, abashed “I didn't do anything” It felt strange being referred to as ‘Sir.’

 “He will be staying with us from now on, so make sure you don't scare him too much” McVries said.

 “I will?”

 “Welcome to The Hatter Mansion, Sir” The Maid bowed again.

 “Do you have another place to go?”

 “...No.”

 “Then welcome home” McVries’s smirk was blinding.

 “Thank you” Garraty felt it blaze through him.

 “You are welcome” And McVries kept walking.

 Garraty felt like he was being led through a never-ending maze, he thought he had seen the same rooms at least five times now, McVries simply walked without a sweat, not looking back through the mansion for what felt like either hours or a couple minutes, until he stopped on dry, took a right turn, and presented a long long hallway full of doors, of the exact same height, and colour to him.

 “These are some of the rooms” McVries presented them “Enter whichever one you like, because they are all the same inside, resembling us.”

 Garraty didn't think all people inside were the same, but he nodded regardless, and opened up the one right in front of him. 

 The insides were far more normal than Garraty had expected, a big room, that felt far too big to exist so concisely, a door he assumed led to a bathroom, a bed, and some furniture.

 “You look like you were expecting something else” McVries’s presence behind him felt vast, and important, he shivered under the wind of his words.

 “Do I?” Garraty ignored that, he turned to look at McVries, he couldn't look him in the eye, he always had issues looking at people in the eye “After today, I was expecting to see something more...” What would be the right word for it? “...Wonderful.” 

 “I will make it more wonderful. As wonderful as you couldn't imagine it to be” McVries declared, Garraty felt stung by how doubtless McVries was, McVries looked like he could lower the stars, if he really wanted one.

 “I will look forward to it.”

 “You should” McVries smiled, thinly, the lines of his face looking truthfully, Garraty was scared he could miss it, like missing the waves on the ocean, after a big splash “Rest, Ray” McVries said, opening the door.

 “You too, Pete” That was the first time he had said his name, right? It felt like it, it felt meaningful, like the first drop of rain before a hurricane.

 “I try” McVries said, then closed the door behind him.

 Garraty didn't want to look at the bed as he laid in it, the unfamiliarity always killed him inside, each and every time, instead he allowed himself to feel the freshness of the new sheets, he closed his eyes, and wonderfully, he did sleep.

                                                     ------------------

Garraty looked at the outside, it was morning, this place felt like it was either plain high morning, or the deepest night, with no in betweens.

 He had woken up, and tried to go back from whence he had come, he hadn't found the path at all, this mansion had way too many doors, windows, hallways, Garraty didn't know where to go, didn't know how to ask for directions, after a while he had decided to stop here.

 He was standing in front of a door, its outside led to a small garden, full of white and red roses, and little else, he had chosen to stay outside the garden, to only look at it from afar, like standing too near them could make them whiter.

 “What are you searching for?” Garraty felt a hand on his shoulder, and jumped back, this has happened way too many times already, and it would happen even more times later on in the story, the voice continued after Garraty calmed down a little “I'm sorry, did I scare you?” Garraty saw the form outline itself, and smile wildly at him.

 “It’s you” One of the persons he had met yesterday, Art Baker.

 “Yes, that's me” Baker stood fully visible besides him now, which conciliated Garraty a great deal.

 “Good morning, Art” Garraty waved.

 “Good morning” Baker waved back, but only moving his fingers up and down, one by one "Before I scared you, what were you searching for?”

 Garraty pursed his lips, he knew the obvious simple answer was: The way outside, but somehow it didn't feel right to say that to Baker, Baker looked like he was waiting for a real answer “Which way I should walk from here.” 

 “That depends a good deal of where you want to get to.”

 “Where, doesn't really matter.”

 “Then whatever path you choose doesn't really matter either.”

 Garraty went back to staring to the garden, at the flower petals swinging with the air, they were going in the opposite direction from the breeze, coming undone every now, and then “No, it doesn't really matter” He said “But a path out of here, would be preferred.”

 “You are sure to do that, if you walk long enough” Baker had a soft smile, almost an implicit on his face, the way the sun was in the sky, always there, always warm.

 Garraty decided he was true “Alright, what path do you take, Art?”

 “To where?”

 “To your place, yesterday you said you did have somewhere to go, or do you live here too?”

 “I don't live here, the path I take isn't very special, cats always find the path if they really want to go.”

 “I see” Garraty nodded, smoothly and prudent “Do you dislike the people who live here?”

 “Of course not” Baker smiled wider, his white fangs showing, the lines drawn on his face seemed so gentle, and predatory “Everybody in this mansion is my friend.”

 “Everybody” Garraty repeated faintly “What kind of people are they?”

 Baker’s eyes went away, losing themselves on the white roses, he didn't answer for a second, as another petal was blown away. 

 “Mad people” He said, Garraty felt daunted by that answer, he wondered if it showed in his eyes, Baker’s pupils were thin, and sharp “Only mad people live in this country.”

 “Are you a mad person too, Art?”

 “I live here.”

 “Do you think I'm a mad person too, Art?”

 “You live here, Ray.”

 “Yeah, I do” Garraty took it as a truth.

 Baker chucked quietly “Walk to the end of this hallway and take a left, you should find what you are searching for there” Baker said, then disappeared, Garraty felt more appalled by his absence, than by his leave.

                                                     ------------------

Garraty walked forward, he lost nothing by doing what Baker told him, he counted the doors in his way out, he couldn't count past six, he was sure he had counted them twenty times now, he took a right.

 Garraty didn't really feel so surprised, as he stood before the only different door he had seen since the garden one, a crimson pair of doors in the middle of the white hallway, it felt a little obvious, he supposed, he had simply followed the instructions given to him by a person who was more used to the place than him.

 He stayed, staring at the door for a couple of seconds, he wanted to open it, but he couldn't bring himself to, he was so bad at doing the things he wanted to do, and so things kept happening around him without much of his input on. 

 “Where’s Stebbins the one time you actually need him?” 

 The doors opened, and Garraty almost fell forwards “I’m sorry” He looked up, it was McVries.

 “Hi, almost-down-there, Ray” McVries’s hat tipped on the side of his head, as he smiled at Garraty.

 “I didn't mean to almost fall on you.”

 “Why not?” It made Garraty feel mauled, how McVries sounded far more curious than teasing.

 “I don't want to fall on you.” 

 “What do you want to fall on me?”

 “Nothing at the moment.”

 “So, not falling on me, what did you want to do on me, then?”

 “Nothing” He was breathing harder, Garraty knew he was getting far too aggravated by something silly like this, and that he shouldn't let it show so much like this, but he couldn't help it “I didn't want to do anything on you.”

 “Then why did you come to my room, Ray?” McVries arched one eyebrow.

 “I didn't know it was your room” Garraty said.

 “Only exploring your new environment, Ray?” He made it sound like a question, it wasn't a question.

 “You could say so.”

 “Are you getting bored already? Boredom is the worst torture on the world” He turned to look at the inside before Garraty could answer, Garraty thought that boredom wasn't such a torture, it should be good to be bored, it should be good to live peacefully, even if boredly “There's not a whole lot in this house besides work for us, and a lot of books for me, and you, if you like reading, that is” And Garraty did like reading a lot.

 “You got a lot of books?” Garraty hoped he didn't look too much like a puppy in front of a treat.

 “Yes, most of them, in my room” McVries stepped aside, letting a little of the inside of his room to be seen “Do you want to check them out?” Garraty looked at the bits of McVries’s room he could descry from there, they seemed a little coercing but Garraty did want to go “I don't bite, Ray” McVries rolled his eyes “Or most of the time at least.”

 “I wasn't thinking that!”

 “Is my room too scary looking?”

 “No, I don't think so.”

 “Then…?” McVries opened the door wider.

 “Alright” Garraty nodded, his head a little bowed, and stepped in.

                                                     ------------------

McVries’s room was fairly simple, Garraty thought, all things considered, it was full of bizarre, hats of all sizes and kinds, one sitting on every corner, but besides that, it had a proper pair of windows, and curtains a white, made bed, and a bunch of books.

 The right wall was hidden behind a stand filled to the brim with books, all of them had those turned, yellowing used corner pages, that indicated a book had been used, and enjoyed, beyond such niceties more than once.

 “Grab whatever catches your fancy” McVries pointed with his head to the stand.

 “Are you sure?” Garraty didn't know why he felt like he was walking into dangerous territory.

 “Sure, they are books, Ray, they don't bite either”

 “Most of the time?”

 “Most of them.”

 Garraty walked up to the shelf, the books had beautiful covers, or blank covers, no in betweens here either.

 He grabbed a book with a footprint as a cover, it seemed familiar, he opened it, it was written in a language he had never seen before, in shapes, he didn't know if he could replicate, and he understood every word of it perfectly.

 “What do you want?” McVries asked him, looking at his hands holding onto the book’s pages, as if suddenly they would grow into butterfly wings, and fly far away, where he could never know them again.

 “What do you mean?” Garraty always felt like he wanted everything, always felt like he needed nothing.  

 “You have that dissatisfied look in your eyes, the sort of eyes expecting something else” McVries looked like he wanted to reach a hand out, and hold his face, Garraty wondered why he didn't do it.

 “I don't.”

 “You do” Garraty looked at McVries’s fingers, the veins of his arms were marked, he remembered when he was a child he thought all blood was blue until it was out of you, his veins were as blue as a bruise “Why?”

 “I don't know.”

 “Are you sure you don't?”

 Garraty thought about it, all those things he would never say out loud, he spoke without thinking sometimes, he was better at keeping to himself the things he actually thought about, most times.

 “Ray” McVries repeated.

 “Can I work here?” Garraty knew that wasn't the answer McVries had been searching for, at least he felt it that way, but he still needed to answer something.

 “Do you want to work here?” McVries tilted his head, the feathers on his hat switching around, Garraty found it cute.

 “Can I not?”

 McVries chuckled a little “What do you know how to do?”

 “What do you want me to do?”

 McVries’s eyes didn't leave Garraty’s, he fake pouted as he tried to remember “We could use another cook”

 “I know how to cook.”

 “We will be waiting for your curriculum” Garraty rammed his hand against his lips, McVries looked way too serious all of a sudden “Don't laugh! You are the one who asked!”

 “Sorry, sorry” Garraty brought both palms up, as a sign of surrender, he held in his laughter as well as he could, which in hindsight wasn't very good “Thank you for the job.”

 “I haven't given you the job yet, Ray.”

 “You are not going to?”

 “Ray.”

 “Thank you for the offer?”

 “Ray” McVries smiled, he looked calm, the hat pressing his bangs around the sides of his face, somehow this smile seemed far more genuine than any other “Are you going to look at any of the other books?”

 “Oh, yeah” Garraty suddenly remembered what he had actually come here to do “I will.”

 “Hope you like them.”

 “I'm pretty sure I will” If McVries's books were anything like McVries himself, Garraty was sure he will.

                                                   -------------------

“The Mad Hatter told us you would be working with us from now on” The Maid caught up to him, it was the same one he had seen taking care of Percy, he was standing around the kitchen without really daring to go inside at all, getting around the mansion had only gotten easier, and easier, since last time.

 “You are also a cook?”

 “I am a lot of things, boy” She looked like she was remembering something very traumatic.

 “Alright” Garraty felt a little bad for her, all of a sudden “Pete did give me the job?” Garraty didn't feel comfortable talking so casually to a stranger, but he suppressed that. 

 “It’s called humoring the guest” Yeah, he should be feeling grateful for that, for having a, technically, landlord so willing to let him freelance, and work on his house, he should say thank you again later.

 “Thank you very much.”

 “Aww, you are a little dear, aren't you?” The maid cooed, Garraty felt like disappearing “Now come in, come on, boy.”

 The Maid shoved him inside the kitchen “But The Hatter still wants you to cook something for him, to act as if he's a responsible human being sometimes, even though he's not even human.”

 “He's not?”

 “Are you?” She said, eyes wide, she looked like a tired mom “Is any of us???” Garraty supposed not “But here’s the kitchen, I assume you already know how to use it, I suggest you make-”

 “I would like to choose that myself” Garraty felt like he didn't sound like himself, but he always did his best to sound polite to other people, even though that only made him sound weird to himself.

 The Maid blinked twice, she seemed a little elated “Alright, then, if you need help finding anything, call me.”

 “What's your name?”

 “The Maid capitalized will suffice” She said, and walked off the kitchen.

 “Well, time to do the only kinda, fancy thing I know how to do, that maybe, he would like” Garraty sighed, one had to feel blessed when one did something with passion, sometimes, he supposed.

 He searched for the ingredients, they were all on the first cabinet he looked through, they didn't look anything like what he was used to, but he knew they were the things he was searching for, was that how everything on this mansion worked?

 He put them all together, on the wood counter, and began working.

                                                     ----------------

<<Bling!>> The oven’s timekeeper (AKA a very big sand clock) made a little noise as the smell of macaroon’s filled the air, Garraty hoped, to any, and all Gods that could possibly be out there, for the macaroons to not be burned, or a vessel to Satan himself.

 He approached the oven, and opened it with one mitten-covered hand, resisting the impulse of closing both his eyes as he did.

 Carefully, he examined the macaroons.

 “Thank God” Garraty felt a crux being lifted from his shoulders, they were actually cooked and not burnt, and not the worst thing he had ever seen, thank god.

 He held them cautiously and brought them to the tray he had already gotten out.

 Garraty put them all carefully in a little mountain, on the middle of the tray then grabbed it strongly with both hands, and walked out of the kitchen.

 He saw McVries sitting at the furthest center chair on the mismatched table, it really was a lot of small tables put together. He breathed deeply and presented it to him “Here it is, Macaroons.”

 “You made macaroons!?” McVries looked very happy about it, and that made Garraty feel very happy about it.

 “Yes, most of them are grape flavored” Garraty sat the tray down in front of him.

 “Grape Flavored” McVries said under his breath.

 “Hope you like them!”

 McVries grabbed the one on the very top of the little mountain, McVries held it carefully before his eyes for a second, he looked like a curious, huge puppy, and then gave it one big bite.  

 “It tastes... amazing...” McVries looked at the rest of the pile with wide teary eyes, he grabbed his hat and removed it on one tug, he had the biggest bed head Garraty had ever seen, his black hair plucking and tweaking around, it looked a little adorable to him, McVries clutched it tightly against his chest “You are so… so…. hired.”

 “Thank you!” Garraty’s heart was beating like crazy, he really wasn't used to getting this much positive attention, or any attention at all, for that sort of matter, he grabbed the back of his neck awkwardly, avoiding McVries’s delighted gaze on him.

 “But I'm sure they had already told you that, because my employees don't know how to keep anything to themselves, to save their lives” McVries said, putting his hat back on, Garraty felt slightly disappointed about McVries’s bed head disappearing again.

 “Are all of them like that?”

 “You will get used to us” McVries said, then grabbed another macaroon and ate it “Sit down, and eat some yourself, Ray.”

 Garraty felt improper doing that, but he supposed everything here was improper, improper, and very convenient.

 He took the chair at McVries’s right and sat there, he grabbed one of the caramel macaroons and ate it rapidly, he had never liked his own cooking a lot, he cooked for nobody to eat, he used to cook entire cakes back home, and then throw them away three days after, he wondered when somebody would come into his kitchen, and be hungry for something he made. 

 “I gave you this job, because I wanted to take that dissatisfied look out of your eyes, but it's still there.”

 Garraty couldn't help it, he had never noticed it, but he would keep on lying as much as McVries allowed him to, he simply had to think up new lies, and McVries would soon enough grow bored of him too “This is a country, right?”

 “Like everywhere else.”

 “I want to meet the rest of the people here, Pete.”

 “Did you know everyone at your old country?”

 “No” Garraty played with the hearts fabric napkin placed in front of him “But you seem to know a lot of people.”

 “I do?”

 “You do” Garraty nodded, McVries slowly, and purposely brought another macaroon to his mouth, he seemed to give it a thought, as he tasted it fully “Good for you because, I have a tea party with other people now”

 Garraty was taken back “Right now?”

 “Yup, right away, at 3 o’clock, and I need to bring something to them, and these macaroons will do wondrously.”

 “Are you sure? I did them on a whim, should I make more? I-” Garraty always got so worried about this sort of stuff.

 “No, you didn't.”

 “Eh?”

 “You did them quickly, but you didn't do them in a whim” McVries said “They are really good” McVries grabbed one, but didn't eat it, he simply traced the texture on his fingertips “Or did The Maid tell you?”

 “She didn't tell me what to do, I did them all myself, I figured out you would like treats like this.”

 “You figured out I would like them...” He sounded really pensive, his eyes mired to it.

 “Yes, did you... like them?”

 “Aren't you listening? Would I want to bring them with me if I didn't?” McVries placed it back down.

 “I don't know, you could be taking them to poison your hosts.”

 McVries laughed out loud “I could, but I swear I'm not” He placed his hand on his chest “Across my heart, and I hope to die.”

 Garraty giggled “Where are we going to?”

 “Get up, and I show you” McVries stood up, and began walking away.

 “Hold on, wait for me” Garraty grabbed the tray, and chased after him.

                                                    -----------------

McVries led the way outside the mansion, he always walked before him, but his eyes never strayed away from him for too long, it kept Garraty on the edge, no matter how many times they had walked together around the mansion now.

 They crossed the golden gates. 

 “These are Mike and Joe” McVries introduced him to a pair of really similar looking guys, standing before the gates.

 “Nice to meet you” Garraty shook hands with them.

 “Our pleasure” Garraty couldn't tell if they were both talking at the same time.

 "Are these your usual gates?" It sounded out of the blue, even to him, but he had to ask, he still remembered, and was pretty curious.

 Mike made a serious face "Out of commission at the moment" And didn't say anything else.

 "Alright" Garraty nodded, this wasn't the time to question them.

 "Shall we, Ray?" McVries said.

 "Going" Garraty waved a quick goodbye to Mike and Joe, they waved back 

 “Bye, Boss” Said Mike to McVries.

 “Bye, Ray” Said Joe.

 “Bye, guys” Garraty said more on McVries’s behalf than his own this time, McVries was the nicest boss on some days, and the most aloof one on others, or so Garraty had come to find.

 McVries was already off again, Garraty walked a little faster to be able to hear him better when he began talking again.

 "Now, of course, I wouldn't make, my very dear invitee, have to walk all the way to The Castle of Hearts, I'm not such a terrible host” McVries said, an amused look in his eyes.

 “Never thought you were” Gararty said, he really meant it, through, and through, he was very contented on his current life, and people, he didn't know if it was a good thing that he was so soothed with all the strangeness around him, or that he didn't even find that many strange things around him, anymore. 

 “Why, thank you, my dear.”

 Garraty stared at the ground, his eyes not finding where to settle, the very same as his heart “Don't say that.” 

 “Why not?” McVries said, but before Garraty could answer (Garraty didn't even know what he would have liked to answer) McVries halted his tracks. 

 McVries took a step back, and opened his arms, broadly in front of him “Now, what I wanted to show you.”

 Garraty looked up, and didn't see anything, then side to side, and didn't see anything either “Ah? What did you want to show me, Pete?” 

 “This” McVries said, then suddenly dropped down, he squatted before the grass in front of them “Can't you see?” He pointed boldly to a blank spot on the grass.

 Garraty still didn't see anything “Yeah, I can see.”

 “Good” McVries nodded, resting his chin on his open palm for a second “Now, see more!” He jumped back up, got a bottle out of nowhere, and poured a bunch of liquid over the grass.

 And from there, came a carriage and a frog.

 “They didn't come out of the bottle, the liquid made them bigger” McVries said.

 “Oh, okay” Were his facial expressions that easy to read?

 McVries chuckled, apparently his facial expressions were that easy to read, then nodded to the frog, the frog jumped up to the carriage’s door and opened it, McVries got inside, and offered him a hand “Come here.”

 Garraty took it, and McVries helped him walk inside, the carriage’s black metal steps were sturdier than they looked, he sat in front of McVries, shoulder touching against the bouncing glass as they moved forward, shadows hiding the scarred half of McVries’s face, the fact that McVries was probably strong enough to carry him inside the carriage by himself, was calling to him.

And they were off.

                                                     ------------------

Garraty stared through the window as they left the mansion, the whole place was a continuous forest of different colours, like a fairy tale he would have held close to his heart as a child.

 “Do you like it?”

 “It's the exact kind of background I would like” He sounded so dreamy.

 “You don't look very happy about it.”

 “I'm not sure if that's a good, or bad thing.”

 “Yet” McVries finished.

 Garraty brought his eyes back to McVries, he wondered how somebody could be right besides the sun, and still be so covered in shadows, he always acted like he was overthinking it, he always felt like he wasn't thinking about anything at all, useless.  

 “Yet” Garraty conceded. 

 “We are here!” The Frog Driver (Garraty supposed) called to them, as the car slowed down to a stop.

 “That was quick” Garraty said, holding the tray with the macaroons on a more secure grip. 

 “Otherwise the scene will get too boring” McVries said, then kicked the door open “Allow, this but a poor servant, to help you off the carrier, Missus” McVries extended his hand out for the tray, Garraty gave it to him, meticulously, he was still nervous.

 McVries helped him off the carriage, with the other hand, into the rocky grey path underneath them, the Frog Driver bowed as a farewell, McVries passed him the tray back, and the carriage took off.

 “Over here” McVries led him through the way.

 “You are always late too” Garraty jumped back “This is really what scares you, instead of everything else, you may be the odd one here, Ray.”

 Garraty quickly turned back to see Stebbins’s amused smile.

 “Greetings, Stebbins” McVries said, a side smirk on his face, he, too, always seemed amused with Stebbins around. 

 “Oh, it’s you,” Garraty said.

 “Who else would I be?”

 “I can name a lot of things, like Rabbit Cacciatore,” McVries said.

 “Like you would be that lucky, McVries” Stebbins huffed.

 “This poor devil can dream, right?”

 “Even your dreams are menaces to society” McVries smirked wider at that, Stebbins ignored him, and turned his gaze to Garraty "Why is this my job, shouldn't it be his?” He said under his breath, Garraty tilted his head, Stebbins sighed, tried to put on a less irked face, and said “Welcome to the Castle of Hearts, Invitees." 

 “The Castle?” Garraty said.

 “Of Hearts” McVries finished.

 “The Castle of Hearts,” Stebbins said, and nodded.

 Garraty blinked twice “Okay.”

 “Do you only like slow people, Pete?” Stebbins looked at McVries up and down.

 “That's why I'm your friend.”

 “We are friends?”

 “You were doubting it?” McVries rested his right elbow on top of Stebbins’s shoulder, Stebbins avoided his eyes, McVries smiled more sincerely at him.  

 “Let's go already, or it will be off with your heads” Stebbins batted McVries’s hands away, and began walking away, McVries followed him.

 “Don't freeze, Ray, I want your head to always be attached to your body” McVries stopped briefly to give Garraty time to catch up, Garraty ran to him. 

 Stebbins took them to the end of the path, the road changed directions, and twisted around a lot, Garraty didn't really feel that much of a difference between walking like this, and walking on a straight line.

 “The Heart Maze” Stebbins said, stopping on the entrance to a grass and bushes made labyrinth “The Castle is at the end of it.” 

 Stebbins walked in without a second thought, without waiting for them at all.

 “Really you should be walking yourselves through it. I don't know why they sent me to do it.”

 “That he says, as if he has got anything better to do” McVries said, gesturing wildly with his hands behind Stebbins.

 “I have an actual job, unlike you, McVries.”

 “I didn't know it was part of The Prime Minister’s daily schedule to go meet up with The Cheshire Cat at the forest, daily.”

 “Ah!-” Stebbins chocked for a solid minute “Okay! That's it! Walk yourselves!”

 “Sorry, sorry” McVries grabbed him before he could run away from them, McVries swung a very angry, and desperate Stebbins back and forth for a couple seconds.

 “Fine! Let go of me. I will walk you!”

 “Thank you, Bunny” McVries gave him a dazzling smile.

 “You really want to die, don't you?” 

 “How often do you guys do this?” Garraty asked, he was feeling pretty drained all of a sudden.

                                                    -----------------

Stebbins went without paying them much attention, McVries followed freely, and without second thought through the maze, they made idle chat on the meanwhile, Garraty felt nervous about how he figured they were going late by now, but he didn't think that McVries, nor Stebbins would care a whole lot.

 Stebbins stopped, at what Garraty saw as the end of the maze.

 “Ready to meet The Queen of Hearts, Ray, My Dear?” McVries asked him.

 “Are you?” Garraty said.

 “Trust me, nobody is” Stebbins said, Garraty gulped down, and continued following.

 “You are! Late!” A really, extremely, short guy, was standing on top of a monumental throne.

 Stebbins dropped back to him a little, and whispered into his ear “He's Gary Barkovitch, The Queen of Hearts, don't call him Queen, it will be off with your head” And smiled wickedly.

 “Thank you for the advice, Stebbins” Garraty said, a knot in his throat, his hands trembling a little, hidden under the tray.

 “You are welcome” Stebbins replied, then walked away.

 Barkovitch was standing on top of his, very, very tall throne, with a way too small chair screaming “Late!” Barkovitch kept going “I should send you to the guillotine for that!”  

 “Please, don't, Barkovitch” McVries said, he didn't look worried at all, he stood with both arms crossed languidly over his lower chest “Does His Majesty, The Queen, don't want some treats?”

 “Why are you like this?” Garraty was feeling way too drained.

 “Off with yo!- Wait, what are they?” Barkovitch looked down at him, with wide curious eyes, and his arms protectively over his chest.

 “Macaroons, some of them are strawberry flavored” He figured The Queen of Hearts would like red stuff. 

 “Really?” He looked, dangerously close to an easily impressionable child.

 “Really” McVries nodded exaggeratedly to Barkovitch, while giving him the side eye, Garraty understood the signal, but he didn't like it a lot. 

 He did his best to show a not so tense face, and approached the throne, he held the macaroon tray high up, Barkovitch ran off his throne’s little stairs, and took them away with him back up.

 “Table!” Barkovitch yelled up, apparently to nobody in particular, but after a minute thousands of guards on card deck uniforms came out of the bushes, carrying a table barely big enough to fit them “What are you waiting for!? Put it here!” Barkovitch pointed at the spot right between him, and Garraty, the guards diligently placed it there “And my treats too!” Barkovitch left the macaroon tray fall, and a guard barely managed to catch it before it hit the ground, and place it on the table, Stebbins shamelessly stepped up to the table, and stole a couple of white macaroons for himself.

 “But whatever, what we actually came here to speak about” Barkovitch declared.

 “There's an actual reason?” Garraty said.

 “I know I'm surprised too” McVries answered him.

 “The Ball!”

 “The Ball?”

 “God, they have a ball.”

 “Yeah, it’s about that time of the year, already” McVries looked at Barkovitch, that sudden playful air had already gone away.

 “And! We all hate it!” Barkovitch said, the feeling of having a sovereign child, five seconds away from a tantrum, right before him, put Garraty on total edge, to say the least “But the rules are the rules, We had to invite you, We invited you..” He took another small bite off his macaroons “You may visit the rest of Our kingdom now” Barkovitch said, he had his chin held up, and his eyes closed, trying to savor the most of this slightly nice moment.

 “He's only trying to look like a monarch” Stebbins whispered to Garraty “Pathetic.”

 Garraty ignored it “When's the ball?” He felt like he had missed something here.

 “The invitation to the ball will come, when you least expect it” Stebbins said, laughing wryly.

 “Aren't you afraid he will say off with your head too?” Garraty looked worriedly between Stebbinsm and Barkovitch, he had whispered but still, there was the possibility Barkovitch had heard him.  

 Stebbins didn't look preoccupied at all, he had that sleepy-eye look, Stebbins grabbed one of the macaroons, and bite it in half, its inner contents spilling slowly “It doesn't worry me, because even if His Majesty would love to have my head hanging as a trophy on his room, he can't” And he bit the other half.

 Garraty realized Stebbins was a scary person too, he turned his attention back to McVries.

 “We will be taking you for your word, Queen” McVries simpered, and overdramatically bowed.

 Garraty was watching this tense conversation closely, and quietly.

 Stebbins whispered to him again “Your ‘Friend’ on the other hand, Barkovitch would do anything to have his head on a stick.”

 “Why does he invite him for tea then?” Garraty asked.

 “Shouldn't you ask that to The Hatter instead?” Stebbins rolled his eyes, he grabbed the teacup in front of him, he began mixing it with the little white spoon, going against the clock.

 “Ask me what?” McVries paid attention to him again, relying on his elbows to get closer to Garraty across the table, Garraty didn't think McVries was actually waiting for an answer, but McVries wasn't saying anything else so... Garraty looked through the corner of his eye to Barkovitch, biting the inner part of his cheek, it was a habit he had picked up as a child, sometimes he could do it until he bled, most times, he could do it after he bled “Are you gossiping to my little Alice about it, Bunny?”

 Stebbins dropped the spoon on the teacup, the excess dripped down the white mantel “Call me that one more time, Hatter, and I cut off your head myself.”

 “I'm sorry, I didn't hear you” McVries cupped one hand around his ear, grazing against his hat “What did you say? Bunny?” 

 “Okay, I warned him” Stebbins stood up, and Garraty immediately reached to make him sit down again, he held onto Stebbins’s waist.

 “Pete, let's go, and be nice, okay?” He let go of Stebbins, and placed his hand softly on top of McVries’s.

 “Fine” McVries lowered the hand he was using as a hearing aid, and placed it on top of Garraty’s “But only because you are the one asking me.”

 “Should I be happy, or scared?”

 “Both” Stebbins spoke up, he was staring deadly seriously at the tea stains “We don't call him The Mad Hatter for nothing.”

 “Do I really have such a bad reputation?”

 Stebbins looked at McVries’s, and Garraty’s intertwined hands on the table “Is that a real question?”

 “Stop ignoring me! or leave already!” Barkovitch yelled from his throne.

 “And there you are, Your Majesty” Stebbins said, then boredly took a sip from his tea.

 “Another one to the list of ignored characters” McVries said “Should we take the tray back with us?”

 “Leave it here.”

 “Leave!”

 “We are leaving now.”

 Garraty stood up from his chair and bowed, McVries did not, and they left the gardens.

                                                      -----------------

“What do we do now, Pete?” Garraty looked back at the maze, why was it always so easy to get out, and so impossible to get in.

 McVries was looking forward, he seemed to really be thinking it, with his eyes focused on the sky “Want to see the rest of the town?”

 Garraty looked down, he felt his ears getting red, he hoped it wasn't so noticeable, he grappled his hand around his left arm “S-Sure.” 

 “Follow me” McVries grabbed Garraty’s hand, and took them somewhere else.

                                                     -------------------

Garraty was doing his best to ignore the feeling of McVries’s hands on his own, he couldn't, he didn't know how to feel okay, with his skin touching and living with another, but he really didn't want to let go at all, so he would do his best to overlook it, he really prayed his hands weren't too sweaty, or anything, though.

 Garraty looked around himself, McVries had brought them to a little antique looking, but overall pretty regular plaza, with only a couple people standing here, and there, all the paths seemed to be made of the same rock they had first walked to the Heart Castle with. 

 “There's all of this here?” Garraty’s eyes were drawn to the clothes shops, and the cafes around them. 

 “Why, yes, indeed, we do have cafes on this humble land of ours.”

 “Shut up” Garraty hit McVries’s arm with his closed fist lightly “How am I supposed to know that? I have never been here before.” 

 “You have never seen a foreign country before?” McVries asked, shaking his head lightly, Garraty loved seeing him so cheered.

 “Not like this” Garraty thought back to his hometown, he had never really left it at all, he had been there up until he hadn't been anymore, that somehow felt more meaningful than it probably was, how one could simply walk away, and become a ghost in his own house, like his dad had done, like his mother had become, like him right now, yup Garraty came from the most boring place in earth, where there's more graveyards than people they say “In my country, there's not people with rabbit ears at every corner.”

 “And every few corners?”

 “In no corners.”

 “Are you sure?”

 “For the most part.”

 “What about horns?”

 “There's people with horns here!?”

 “Why are you so shocked about them?”

 “There's definitely not people with horns where I come from?”

 “What is there in your town?”

 Garraty thought about it, his first instinct was to say ‘Normal things’ “Roses, shops, people without animal parts of any sort except human...” He reached up on his tiptoes to touch the top of McVries’s hat “Hats, and Hatters.” 

 “Any like me?”

 “There's none like you.”

 McVries laughed, he was so joyful, and that made Garraty laugh too, they stayed that way, laughing for a while, Garraty slowly and spellbinding slid his hands off his hat, and back to himself, he held them close to his chest, he felt like he had grabbed whatever good luck was made of.

 McVries skimmed Garraty’s face over, then nodded to himself as if he had come to a very important decision “Here, let me show you something else they don't have where you come from” McVries held his hand up, gently, and Garraty chose to grab it.

 McVries rushed to the other side of the street, Garraty sniggered a little, as the people around them turned to stranger forms.

 McVries stopped in front of a small light wooden ambulant shop “Hey, Scramm.” 

 “Hi, Hatter” Scramm spoke with a nasal voice, as if he was permanently sick “Hi, to you too” He said to Garraty. 

 “Hi” Garraty was becoming accustomed to the idea, that McVries did know everyone in his country.

 “Enough his, and hellos” McVries said, sounding even more theatrical than usual “Do you got the good stuff?”

 “What are you going to buy?” Garraty said, turning his head away from Scramm, and the little trinkets and toys laying around, showing themselves off on the stand.

 “You shall see” McVries whispered to Garraty, he reached inside his back pocket, and threw some things on top of the counter “That should pay it, right?”

 “Right” Scramm answered, as he picked it up, and slowly counted it.

 “You have a currency too?”

 “How many times do you want me to tell you we are a country too? For example this hat” McVries pointed to the 10/6 tag on his hat “This hat costs 10 shillings, and sixpence.”  

 “I see.”

 “Now, see more” Scramm reached to one of the things hanging from the stand’s sides, and handed him a shiny red rose, with that knowing tickling look in his eyes a parent could give you sometimes. 

 McVries bestowed it to him earnestly, deeply bowing down, his hat falling a little down on his head, Garraty stepped back a little. 

 The rose began shining and broke down into a million fireflies, covered in blue cool light, the buzzing dancing around Garraty’s ears, they expanded around them, circling them, like they were everlasting, like they were every star on the sky come together to them, simply because they could, because they should, Garraty saw with every galaxy reflected on his eyes, the universe lived inside of them, it called them on their veins, the fireflies twinkled, and pranced around Garraty, and McVries could only look at him with his wide wonder eyes, and his mouth about to hang open. 

 “Wow” Garraty felt like he could cry, like when he was a child, shamelessly making himself known on the street, of course, he wouldn't “They are beautiful.”

 McVries’s eyes centered again, dangling and hunting, on every single, nice line on Garraty’s face, on Garraty’s eyes, on Garraty’s soul “I told you.”

 “Sorry” Garraty laughed, one of the fireflies landed on his nose, and tickled him for an instant “You were right, in my country fireflies don't come from roses.”

 “They don't exactly come from the roses here either, but they can go back to them” McVries clapped, and the fireflies reformed into the shiny rose.

 “Hey” Garraty jumped, and the rose in his hands bounced “Bring them back.”

 “You just have to clap” McVries said “It is your rose, after all.”

 Garraty looked dazzled at the rose, clapped daintily, and the fireflies came back.

 Garraty looked happily at them “This is so strange” Garraty said, he lowered his gaze to McVries’s profile, he had a relaxed smile on his face, he was saying it as an afterthought, an obvious remark, like the sky is blue, or I love you. 

 “I thought you had already come to terms with that” McVries said, stepping over the lines on the marble floor beneath them.

 “I did” Garraty answered “But I still realize it, more, and more, every time.”

 “Curiouser, curiouser” McVries said “You better never lose that ability of yours to be marveled.”

 “I don't think I will” Garraty smiled, furtively, with his eyes.

 McVries allowed them a minute of silence, before looking up at the sky, Garraty looked up as well, as the sky went from plain daylight, to a golden noon, to night, in a span of seconds “We should get going already, shouldn't we?”

 “How does that happen?”

 “That's how the timeperiods work here.”

 “Timeperiods?”

 “You know, noon, evening, and night.”

 “You know what” Garraty shook his head “I haven't questioned anything so far, I'm not going to question that.”

 “Wise decision, My Ray” McVries reached inside his coat, and brought out the same bottle as when they had first come.

 “Can I try?” Garraty said.

 “Knock yourself off” McVries passed him the bottle “Over there” McVries pointed at a certain spot on the ground, where Garraty saw nothing, he hesitantly left the liquid drip onto the floor, and the frog, and carriage grew anew.

 “That's enough” McVries said, Garraty stabilized the bottle, and gave it back.

 Garraty and McVries went inside the carriage, sitting side by side, Garraty held onto the rose for dear life, and felt the warmth of McVries’s blood on his own.

                                                      ------------------

Garraty and McVries walked through the gates.

 “Should I put it on water?” Garraty said, feeling the petals lightly with the tips of his finger.

 “Water helps them live longer” McVries saw him, and touched the opposite petals.

 “Then, I'm going to go put my flower on water” Garraty said.

 “Alright” McVries let his finger slide off the flower, and watched him go.

                                                     --------------------

Garraty went back to his room, he felt like he could take any path in the world right now, and he would end up back on his room, and back with McVries, regardless of it all.

 He opened up his room’s door, placed the rose on his boudoir, grabbed the empty vase that had been sitting there, ever so conveniently, as if waiting specifically for this moment, Garraty felt pathetic living in a world that appealed to him so much, then went to the bathroom for some water.

 He came back, placed it on his nightstand, so he could see it first thing in the morning, and last thing in the night, each and every time, all so carefully, so tenderly, like holding a storm on his hands, and telling it everything would be alright, love was domestic to him, putting this rose on water was love to him.

 He finished, he stared at it, he felt his heartstrings being pulled apart, this was all his heart’s muscle memory, he refused to laugh or cry. 

 He walked back outside.

                                                  --------------------

Garraty walked out of the mansion, and into the garden.

 The garden at night was so different, he understood he didn't really have much knowledge on how this garden usually was, or looked, for all he knew what he saw was completely different from what the rest did.

 It was surrounded by blue and yellow roses, they seemed to grow on their own, like the entire mansion was built upon a flowerbed of roses, the whole place smelled intoxicatingly sweet, something more than only the tea, sweets, and flowers. It smelled like him.

 He walked further ahead, like he was simply wandering around, staring up at the stars, back at home he had been able to see them, they were so clear on the forest side, but here, they felt so close, shining like diamonds upon him, he almost felt like simply reaching up to one of them, and snatching it, but he knew that was ridiculous.

 He kept going, he wasn't very centered on searching for anything, he already knew he would find it if he kept going, some things were that easy, if you want to find something, search for it. 

 He didn't allow his eyes to steer away from any of the stars, he left his feet to walk themselves, however, they felt like it.   

 “Do you want one?” Garraty’s eyes widened, he looked in front of him, the Tea Table, McVries was sitting down, one leg on top of the other, on his grand, bizarrely colored chair.

 “One?” Garraty asked, his pupil traveling.

 “One star, what else?” McVries grabbed the white cup sitting before him, and gave it a little sip.

 “There could be a lot of other things” Garraty conceded.

 “Yes, but I wouldn't be asking for any other” He placed it back down, tracing the edge with his gloved hand “So, do you?”

 “How would you give me a star?” Garraty asked, somehow he felt like whatever McVries chose to answer, would be the truth.

 “You reach up to this wonderful night sky for one, you hold onto it like onto your favorite candy, and you bring it down” McVries said, one hand up as if about to show it.

 Garraty waited, waited for McVries to take the stars down from the sky, and give him the most wonderful one, but McVries didn't, he kept his hand far up, and his eyes locked on Garraty’s, Garraty realized McVries wouldn't do anything unless he asked, so he did.  

 “Would you give me a star?”

 McVries snickered, a coy grand smile, no teeth showing, he looked like a statue soon to be. 

 “I could” He said, then slowly stood up from his chair, he got on top of it, his shoes planted heavily on the red cushion, then he reached to the sky, arm longed and secured, he searched a little, pick and choosing stars, of course, he would do something like that, the glint of the stars shone on McVries’s eyes, and McVries shone on Garraty’s.

 McVries chose one, and held onto it, Garraty thought that glitter should fall on top of them the moment a star was taken from space, and so glitter fell.

 The smallest pieces of stardust fell on them, on top of McVries’s shoulder, clinging to his face, like they belonged there, Garraty wouldn't be surprised at all, if McVries simply told him they did. Garraty felt them on top of him too, tickling his skin, a luster on him, and his heart.

 McVries held it close to his chest for a second, then leaned down and gave it to him, wholly, like a prince.  

 Garraty received it, he felt wordless, he felt heart-sick for a heart, a time, and a home he had never known, never been.

 He held it tightly, his palms reddening, he looked up at McVries, his eyes were striking.

 “Do you like it?” The star felt so warm underneath him, like a Sunday three o'clock afternoon, like a painting on a home, like everything he had ever longed for.

 “I love it.”

 “I'm glad” McVries said, then sat back down on his chair, the same position, somebody else wouldn't be able to know that anything had ever happened here, gladly, Garraty wasn't anybody else “Did you need something else, or only a star?”

 Garraty felt like he needed everything in the world “I wanted to drink tea with you.”

 “Good thing, because I do too” McVries poured him a cup, Garraty took his seat, right besides him, he held the star on his lap. The tea was soft, and nice, black tea with milk.

 “Thank you, Pete.”

 “You are welcome, Ray” McVries sounded soft and nice.

                                                     ------------------

Garraty had gone back to his room, when, he didn't know, it didn't really matter at all, he had settled down into a quiet lifetime now, hadn't he?

 He kept the star hidden somewhere beneath his bed’s underground space, he felt guilty about taking away its shine like that, but he kept it, nonetheless, he worked, drank tea, slept for what felt like centuries, and quietly dismissed everything happening around him, it was a boring filler scene.

 “Human life is but a series of footnotes to a vast obscure unfinished masterpiece” In which book had he read that quote, he couldn't remember.

 He was laying, tummy up on his bed, staring at the white ceiling, making images out of the bumps and discolors on the cement, that surely were there for nobody, but himself.

 Eyes dead on the sky.

 “Ray!” Olson kicked his door open.

 “You can knock, you know” How come he wasn't even surprised, anymore.

 “Bake us a cake! Please!” Olson put his hands together like he was praying “Please! Ray!”

 “Sure” Garraty yawned, it was too early for this, even if time didn't exist “But why?”

 “Because we want to have a picnic, Ray!”

 “Because?”

 “Because!”

 “Unbeatable arguments” Garraty got off his bed, well time to bake a carrot cake for his favorite Hare.

 “Make sure you don't burn it!” Olson grabbed his arm, and dragged him out of the room, and into the hallways.

 “I never burn anything!” If he had prepared perfect macaroons, he could prepare anything.

 “Make sure you don't start!”

 “Aye, Aye, Captain!”

                                                      -----------------

Garraty got all that he needed onto the cupboard, he had gotten used to where everything in the house was, or everything on the house had gotten used to how he was, jury was still out on that one, but it was workable, regardless.

 McVries and Olson were sitting outside, on that same table he had first gotten tested at, chit-chatting about something, Garraty found it very nice, those moments when they weren't totally yelling at each other, were the best for him.

I suppose I should make something besides carrot cake, to make it more bearable on us, non-rabbit people. Garraty thought, and got to work.

                                                  --------------------

He gazed down with satisfaction at his little treats, this was one of the few things he really liked putting his work into.

 “Here is your picnic” Garraty announced to them, carrying the food trays to the table.

 “What did you make?” McVries asked amiably.

 “Carrot cake for him, apple pie for me, and Roasted Grape Crostini for you” He was a little proud of it, he felt like he was showing something off.

 “It looks so good!” Olson immediately grabbed his, Garraty was glad he liked it, and wasn't digging his fingers into other people’s food, as he usually did “You are so good at this, Ray.”

 “Awww” He was really, very, flustered “Thank you.”

 “I would compliment you too, but you already know what I think” McVries said.

 “I hope you like yours, doing things with grapes is a little new to me.”

 “How do you know he likes grapes so much?” Olson said, taking his eyes off his cake for a second.

 “I didn't really know, but it's also the macaroon flavor he liked the most” Garraty said.

 “If we are done elaborating on my love for purple things” McVries said “Let's go outside, and actually have a picnic.” 

 McVries reached out for something beneath the table, like he was performing a magic trick, and out came a pretty small and concise looking sewn picnic basket, him, and Garraty rapidly put everything inside.

 “Hell yeah” Olson stood up and ran outside, McVries and Garraty calmly followed.

 “Everything you cook tastes so good” McVries said after sneaking one of the crostinis out of the basket, and taking a slow loving bite out of it.

 “Not really, but thank you a lot” He was blushing for sure.

 They kept going until McVries stopped them, at a nice little spot, on the mansion's grand garden, and settled down.

 “I'm gonna go get the rest” Olson told him, Garraty nodded, he didn't realize he was smiling, he felt at peace in moments like this one, he felt like the world was just fine.

 Garraty finally sat down, leaning against a tree, both legs extended before him, and rested, at least everybody had liked the food, and was relatively at peace.

 “Ray” Garraty slammed his head against the tree.

 “You really need to stop doing that, Stebbins” Garraty rubbed his head lightly, Stebbins smiled at him, with that derisive wide smile of his, what really got Garraty about it was that it met Stebbins’s eyes entirely, Stebbins was oddly honest, sometimes.

 “What did I do? I didn't slam your head against a tree, you did.”

 “Yeah, sure, what do you want?”

 “The Ball.”

 “The Ball?”

 “Already forgot? Though I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, we all know you are a second class intellect at best.”

 “Second class intellect!?”

 “And third class hearing as it seems.”

 “Do you want me to hit you?”

 “Don't flatter yourself, Ray, you know you couldn't.”

 “I will-!”

 “Stebbins, quit it” Garraty turned to find McVries sitting beside them, with a tired, irritated look in his eyes, he was smiling, but more often than not, the smile didn't meet his eyes.

 “Did I offend you, and your boyfriend, Hatter?” Stebbins's ears twitched cutely, it made Garraty want to punch him harder.

 “A lot” McVries said, and laced his arm around Garraty’s waist.

 “Pete!”

 “What? It’s the truth” McVries gave him wide, incredulous eyes, and an offended expression, Garraty felt his entire face go red.

 “You both make me want to vomit” Stebbins sounded dead.

 “Now, you know, how we all feel, whenever you come to visit our freelancer resident Cheshire Cat, my dear, bunny boy.” 

 “Do you want to die?”

 “You are doubting that?”

 “Pete!”

 “Sorry, sorry.”

 “Whatever” Stebbins rolled his eyes, done, and exasperated “Get up, and walk there.”

 “Wait” Garraty turned back to Stebbins “The Ball is right now?”

 “Of course it's right now” Stebbins said, his mouth on a ‘Shouldn't that be obvious?’ Grimace “Why else would I be here?”

 “To tell us in anticipation? Like normal people do?”

 “Didn't I tell you? The invitation comes when you least expect it.”

 “Like anybody here is normal, Ray” McVries said “Besides, wasn't that expecting too much out of the rabbit who can't read a clock, and has never once been on time for anything, not even our tea parties, to tell us something in anticipation?”

 Garraty thought about something he could say against that, there was absolutely nothing “You are right.”

 “Hey!”

 “Should we take something like last time?” Garraty asked.

 “Take the pie, Her Majesty The Red Queen loves pie” Stebbins said, pointing at the full, and fresh pie sitting in front of Garraty, he sounded like he was remembering a pleasant memory.

 “My pie?”

 “What other? Why are you staring at me that way?” Stebbins said, getting up “Walk.”

 “Are you going to take us there?” Garraty asked, he picked up the pie, he put it back in the picnic basket, Stebbins tapped twice on the floor with his left foot, and a rabbit hole appeared beneath them 

 “Slow to the punch as per usual, Ray.”

 “AAAAAAAA!!!!!”

 Garraty opened up his eyes, the tunnel seemed to be the same as before, but completely opposite, he felt like he was falling in reverse, seeing photo negatives of himself.

 The picnic basket was floating somewhere above them.

 “You are not going to die today, Ray” McVries said, softly, and calmly, like they were falling back into the sea, and that was fine, because that's where they had all first come from “It's going to be okay.”

 They were falling at eye level, McVries didn't look like any stranger he had ever met before, Garraty knew he didn't know him when they were children, he didn't understand why it felt like it.

 “Okay” He answered, for the both of them “Okay.”

 And they kept falling, until they weren't falling anymore.

                                                    -------------------

“We aren't falling. You can open your eyes, Ray.”

 Garraty slowly did so, falling was the one thing he could never get used to, falling was the one thing he was always doing.

 Stebbins was already waiting for them on the other side, looking, and being deadly bored, of course.

 The basket had somehow come back to Garraty’s hands.

 “Isn't Olson, and the rest, going to come as well?”

 “You doubted me, Ray? Me?” Olson was coming out of his own rabbit hole, with Mike, Joe, and Percy “Before you ask, I bought myself and co over, because this bitter good for nothing prime minister, won't do it” Olson poked his tongue out at Stebbins.

 “Because I'm not paid to” Olson poked his tongue out harder. 

 “You can make those rabbit holes things, too, Olson?” Garraty asked.

 “I know, I was surprised too, he's not completely useless” McVries said.

 “I'm not useless!” Olson turned to Garraty with a shining, proud, smile “I'm a Hare you know, I can make something like this for myself!”

 “Good, you have the basic abilities you should be born with, we are all amazed” Said Stebbins “Now walk.”

 “I'm not gonna walk with you” Olson said.

 “What are you going to do, Olson?” Garraty said, because Stebbins looked five seconds away from snapping.

 “I'm going to sneak into the castle by myself, and steal all of The Queen’s tea leaves!”

 “Good, if I come back and find any tea leaf remaining, I will execute you myself.”

 “There won't be any!” Olson slammed his right foot against the ground, and a smaller rabbit hole appeared “And you can't cut off my head!”

 “Oi, Idiot Hare!” Stebbins reached inside the rabbit hole, and pulled Olson out by his ears, Garraty took note that Olson’s ers were bigger than Stebbins’s “Take the rest off the background characters with you! You brought them you take them!” Stebbins pointed at the asleep Percy, and Mike and Joe.

 Olson got free from Stebbins’s hold, ran towards them, and jumped inside “We are not background characters!”

 Stebbins sighed audibly “And you too” He walked up to Garraty, yanked the basket from his hand, and tossed it down the rabbit hole.

 “Will it be okay?”

 “Don't underestimate me, Ray.”

 Garraty didn't “You look like a corpse, Stebbins” Garraty said.

 “I hate your friends.”

 “The feeling is mutual” McVries reassured him.

 “Walk.”

                                                      -----------------

Stebbins led them to the same, or what looked like the same path, or a completely different path, Garraty couldn't tell at all, for what felt like an eternity, until he wasn't, anymore. 

 Garraty didn't know where he was anymore, he searched around, he was alone in the maze. He had been right next to the others, walking, and talking, a couple of seconds ago, but when he turned to look, there was nobody there, like a boyscout who suddenly had gotten himself lost in the forest.

 “Make sure you don't get lost” He could still hear McVries's voice in his head.

 Garraty looked around himself, he didn't see anybody, or anywhere he knew, had he really gotten lost on a decorative visit led maze? He sighed, and kept walking around.

 “Painting the roses red!” He heard a deadly howl, really nearby. Garraty had been following everything so far, so why not this too? He went after the voice, putting the edges of his palm on the green bushes, trailing them around. 

 “I'm not surprised.”    

 “Art?” Garraty entered the new section of the maze, inside it was Baker lazily leaning against the bush wall, with one hand on his hip, near him, some guy he didn't know, and Scramm and Harkness on card soldier uniforms, painting white roses red “What are you doing?”

 “Hi, Ray” Baker waved at him, with a pleasant smile “I'm doing nothing, these three are card soldiers, and they are paintin’ white roses red.”

 “Alright” Garraty nodded “But why?”

 “Because they are white.”

 “Alright, but why?”

 “Explain to your invitee that you are stupid” Baker told the other three.

 “Hey, Ray” Harkness said “We are painting them because otherwise, His Majesty would...” He made a noise as he made a straight line in the air in front of his neck “...You know.”

 “The Queen would use our blood to paint them instead” The guy he didn't know spoke up “Am Davidson, by the way”

 “Got it” So they were stupid “But I thought you hated cats the most, Harkness” Garraty said, because Harkness didn't really look uncomfortable at all next to Baker.

 “Cheshire Cats are the exception” Harkness said, sounding very portentous.

 “Thanks~~~” Baker said, a playful, but cute smile on his face.

 “Are you going to tell me why this time?” Garraty asked.

 “I said ‘Maybe one day’ but that day isn't today.”

 Garraty stopped himself from pouting too hard, he still wanted to know, instead, he changed the subject “Didn't know you guys were soldiers here either” Garraty said, trying not to stare at Baker too much.

 “A guy got to have more than one job in this economy, gotta support my family” Scramm said, his eyes unfocusing between the half painted rose in front of him, and Garraty.

 “Family?”

 “Yeah, Scramm’s got a wife and a son” Baker said.

 “She's a peach.”

 Garraty didn't know how to feel about it, but he wasn't going to say anything bad on it “Nice” He turned back to Baker “Are you going to the ball too?”

 He chuckled a little “Not really, I'm here to visit a friend.”

 “Why not?”

 “Let's leave it at: I rather not” Baker smiled forcefully, his lips moving in a sole stiff motion, he licked one of his fangs “The Queen is not really a saint of my devotion.”

 Garraty decided not to push it, when Baker got like this, he almost seemed scarily predatorial “I see” He walked up to Harkness “Do you need extra help?”

 “Please” He looked like he was about to cry behind his glasses.

 “I help you!” Harkness passed Garraty a thick brown brush, and he began painting too, there was a certain curious feeling about grazing rose petals with paint, for him this was that sort of thing that didn't really feel like anything else.

                                              -----------------    

“Here you are!”

 “How did you manage to get lost?” Stebbins said, McVries ran to him, Stebbins stood around giving them the side eye “Really, how?”

 “Don't scold him, Bunny” McVries booped Garraty’s nose “It's not his fault, your boss has to the worst interior design sense on the galaxy.”

 “He's not my boss, and don't call me Bunny” Stebbins reached for his hand clock inside his coat, he glared at it, with his other arm crossed around his chest, and his right foot tapping rapidly on the floor.

 “Don't sulk, Stebbins” Baker said.

 “I'm not sulking, Art!”

 “He's sulking” McVries said, Garraty was busy trying to get McVries’s hands off his face.

 “Don't worry, Stebbins” Baker shot him, a nice, way too refreshing, smile.

 “That I'm not sulking, Art!”

 Garraty finally managed to get McVries’s fingers away “Is Stebbins the friend you came to visit, Art?”

 “Awww, you came to visit him, even though you hate everything that surrounds him! How romantic!” McVries laughed.

 “Shut up, McVries!” Stebbins turned to Garraty “Yes, I invited him, so what?”

 “Nothing, I think it’s cute.”

 “Shut up” Stebbins looked ready to hit him “Let's get going already, or I might simply cut off your heads myself.”

 “He dates Art, because you can't cut off the head of something with no body.”

 “McVries!”

 “But he's right” Baker said.

 “You are not a thing, Art” Stebbins said.

 “Didn't you say if we were any later you would cut off our heads?” McVries asked, making the air-line, and poking out his tongue.

 Stebbins sighed “Go.”

 “Stop teasing him, and let's get going, Pete” Garraty said, looking at them interacting was always a strange, and badly written experience, for sure.

 “As your order, Missus.” 

 “Quiet you” Garraty hit him softly on the arm.

 “I said, go.” 

 “Going” Garraty answered, and they began following again.

                                                       --------------

The Castle of Hearts was grand, vast, and way too over the top.

 Stebbins gave them no time to look at the outside structure, and the inside was filled with hearts decorations to the brim, to the point it only looked cluttered, and nonsensical, a bunch of maids and soldiers bowed down to them, and greeted them, Stebbins and the rest ignored them for the most part, but Garraty did his best to greet back as they passed.

 Two soldiers opened up the big, red wood, gates for Stebbins, and inside was the Ballroom, a full, colossal room, with far more than the needed space, and windows that expanded from the floor to the ceiling, sitting far above them was Barkovitch on his throne.

 “And, this is where my paid invitee tour service ends” Stebbins said.

 “Thank you” Garraty said.

 “You are welcome” He stretched, he already looked too tired, he went towards where Barkovitch was. 

 “I pity him already” Baker said, shaking his head softly, his eyes were stuck on Stebbins the whole time.

 “I think we all do, Art” Garraty said, but leaving that behind “Are we going to get changed?” looking around everybody was either dressed in regal work clothes like Stebbins and Barkovitch, or actual ball gowns and suits, except for them.

 “Do you really care about that stuff?” McVries said, looking amusedly at him.

 “I feel out of place, that's all” Garraty suddenly felt embarrassed of saying that out loud, he put his hand behind his neck.

 “Your wishes are my command” McVries said and clapped twice, a bang noise, and a blinding light engulfed them for a moment.

 Garraty winced, and held his eyes tightly closed.

 You can open them up, now“ McVries said, Garraty did so slowly, he looked down at himself and gasped, a proper suit, he was suddenly wearing a proper suit, he looked at McVries, he was wearing one too.

 “You look really nice” McVries told him, as he adjusted the buttons on his shirt’s sleeve “And you too, Art” McVries clicked his tongue at Baker, Baker clicked it right back.

 “Thank you, Mad Hatter” Baker said.

 “I'm sorry, isn't this too much? I was only asking, you didn't have to go out of your way for me” Garraty was feeling a little guilty, the clothes looked really fancy, he felt sort of like a rip-off wearing something he didn't deserve.

 “That's how McVries is” Baker said, he didn't look bad by any means on those deluxe clothes, they suited him well, but they really crashed with Garraty’s image of him “When he likes somebody, he wants to show off, no need to feel bad about it.”

 “Likes!?” He was really, really embarrassed.

 “Only a little though, not that big of a deal, being honest, maybe if you were a little taller” McVries said.

 “Pete!”

 “What!?”

 Garraty was about to reprimand him a little more, before the trumpets sounded and interrupted him, they turned to Stebbins, all of the invitees looked up at him, and Barkovitch, Stebbins passed the trumpet to one of the cards, and spoke up “Quiet down” The whole room went silent.

 Barkovitch stood up, he looked down with resentment at all of them, he appeared to be seconds away from bursting like a volcano.

 Barkovitch opened up his mouth slowly “There's so many of you, here” His voice sounded far away and gone, like he was seeing something completely different than what they were living “A lot of you weren't invited” Baker snickered at that “But We say that doesn't matter! Enjoy the Ball like it was the last night of your lives, because it could be!” Barkovitch finished off screaming, and sat back down. Baker disappeared right after that.

 “Night?” Garraty looked through the windows, it was still daytime.

 “Keep looking” McVries leaned down and nodded towards Barkovitch, Garraty refocused his eyes, he caught Barkovitch clapping twice, that same bang noise on a different note, and the night filling in the room.

 “Wow” Garraty looked at the night sky reflecting itself all over the grandiose Ballroom “It's beautiful, don't you think, Pete?”

 “Not the most beautiful thing I have seen tonight” McVries spoke, looking at him.

 “Me too” Garraty said, smiling, ever so shily.

 “Dance!” Barkovitch yelled, immediately after all of those faceless people from the mob conformed by the rest of the guests took each other's hands and began dancing. 

 Underneath the night sky they all looked ethereal, like stars, people dancing could be like stars too, smiling and living, it was all a way of being a star, whatever you were made of inside, existed forever, shining somewhere off at space, somewhere off here, somewhere off on somebody else.

 They simply danced.

 Garraty stood admiring the ball, because this was the ball, not the maze, and presentations, or painting roses minutes before it was off with your head, it was the people dancing underneath the golden hour, or whatever the golden hour of his dreams was.

 He observed the women and the men holding each other close dancing to music, that was probably awful to anybody who wasn't included in this ball this evening, it wasn't awful to him at all, was it awful to McVries, he stared as they danced, he stared as if he had already understood he could never be one of them.

 One could almost weep out loud.

 “Do you want to dance?” McVries said, leaning down a little, the air of his words tickling Garraty’s ear, Garraty had grown so accustomed to this now, he didn't even flinch away anymore, he never minded it, but before it had seemed so dangerous, he felt silly to admit, that it was easier to step away than to afront oneself.  

 Garraty couldn't smile, he wasn't good at smiling through the pain, he wasn't good at feeling other things besides pain, and his heart physically breaking whenever he read the last line of a book.

 “I do” He grabbed McVries’s arm, it was as honest as he could be right now, and that was okay by McVries.

 McVries placed his hand tenderly, and wholeheartedly on top of Garraty’s. 

 They walked to the dancing floor.

 “Do you know how to dance?”

 “I got taught when I was child” The sort of thing one never forgets, like riding a bicycle, falling in love, or feeling shame.

 “Good, because I don't” And of course if there was one thing Peter McVries didn't know was that, one could almost weep out loud out of joy.

 “You do it like this” Garraty took McVries’s hand and placed it on his shoulder, took his own and interlaced it with his, McVries’s hands were trails full of veins, it reminded him of a snake he would be willing to be poisoned by, he could feel the little bone at the start of the wrist popping out, he had known its name once, not anymore “And like this” He stepped forward, they were dancing to the music now too.

 “Like this?” McVries held tighter, closer, breathing and alive, and took another step.

 Garraty clutched to him “More like this” And another step “Let me keep showing you” Step “Like this” Step “Like this” Steps “Like this.” 

 “Thank you” McVries whispered to him before the moment was broken.

                                                        --------------

“Where's my pie!?” Barkovitch yelled from up his throne.

 “Oh no” Stebbins sighed, he was standing next to the food table, he stopped besides Garraty for a second “He's going to blame you, you idiot.”

 “Wait, Stebbins” Garraty called behind him, his mouth agape, and confused.

 “You know what I'm off to do” Stebbins spoke without turning back to him, he ran away and out of Garraty’s sight.

 “But why me?” He turned to McVries, the only person he felt he could trust the answer to.

 “Because you are the outsider, but don't worry, Ray, nobody here actually gets executed” McVries said, he looked serious this time, without that sardonic smirk he always had “They are all humoring The Big Bad Red Queen, but nothing bad is actually going to happen to you, alright, please trust me.”

 “Are you sure?”

 “I bet my hat on it.” 

 Garraty bit the inner part of his cheek, until it bled, he unpursed his lips “Alright” Garraty nodded, Garraty decided to trust him, he had already trusted him with so much, he would follow him with his eyes blindfolded, even if something inside himself still told him he shouldn't.

 “Who ate my pie!?” Barkovitch kept yelling from up his throne “Who!?” A scared card came up to him, his legs were trembling slightly, he bowed down and whispered something to Barkovitch, with both hands cupped, and covering his mouth from view, the card pointed down to him.

 Garraty gulped down, his hands were beginning to get sweaty, McVries grabbed it and caressed his knuckles, he said gently, his voice husky and deep “Don't worry, Ray, nobody here actually gets executed.”

 “ You !” Barkovitch ran off his throne and towards them, Garraty gripped McVries’s hand tighter, he was marveled how McVries didn't mind holding him like that “You!” Barkovitch stood in front of them, his finger held high, and pointing straight at Garraty’s neck, he looked like a fierce animal “Off with his head!”

 “Why would I eat my own pie?”

 “Off!” Barkovitch ignored him, he turned to yell at the soldiers “Off! Off! With his head!”

 Davidson and Scramm approached him, they had those regretful grimaces on their face, like right before you have to get a vaccine at school, they aborded him with their palms showing, as if he was the wild animal, as if he wasn't the supposed criminal here.

 “Wait but-”

 “Out of my presence! Out with your head!” 

 “We are sorry, Ray” Scramm said, grabbed both of his arms and dragged him away, Garraty allowed himself to be taken away, until he could no longer see the ball.

 “Let go of him now, we are not actually going to execute him” Davidson told Scramm.

 “Sorry” Scramm immediately took his hands off him, Garraty lost balance a little.

 “Where are you taking me?” He felt way calmer now.

 “To prison” Davidson said, he looked awkwardly to the other side.

 “You guys actually have prisons, I thought you executed people on the spot.”

 “When the guillotine is nearby” Davison said, he had that far away look people got when they remembered something tiresome.

 “I don't know if that's better, or worse.”

 “I think, better, because Stebbins went out of his way to convince His Majesty not to have it around” Scramm said, he always looked like he was thinking really hard about stuff, Garraty wished people as a general thought really hard, about more things.

 “He did?” Garraty asked.

 “Yes, he was very adamant about it, as well” Davidson said “Now, close your eyes, you can't see where the prison is, there's no descriptions for it.”

 Garraty sighed, he closed his eyes, they grabbed his arms again, and walked him somewhere, it felt like forever, it felt like the bad kind of forever, the floor was unsteady, like it was disappearing beneath him, as if he was falling through the rabbit hole again, he felt rocks sticking to his soles.

 “Here we are” Scramm said “You can open your eyes.”

 Garraty opened them all at once, he felt like he was looking underneath his bed for a monster.

 “Wait here” Garraty looked at the rock-made antique cage, it had nothing in special, all bars “Until, The Queen calms down” Davidson said, Scramm walked up to the bars, and opened them apart, with his bare hands, Garraty didn't have the will to say anything about that.

 “Okay” Garraty walked drowsily inside, Davidson and Scramm apologetically nodded him goodbye.  

 Garraty sat down “We meet again” And flinched very hard after that, how many more times was that gag going to repeat itself.

 Garraty turned to look at them, Abraham, and Parker were sitting on the other end of the cell “I didn't see you.”

 “Yeah, that's what jail is for” Abraham.

 “What it does to everybody inside” Parker spit on the ground after saying that “Why you here?”

 “I am going to be executed, apparently” Saying that out loud felt really strange, he shrugged, Parker and Abraham laughed at that “What's so funny?” Though, he supposed he already knew.

 “Yeah, sure, nobody actually gets executed here” Abraham said, still chuckling.

 “So, we are all only humoring Barkovitch here?”

 “Yup” Parker said, drumming the rock floor with three fingers “One day, Imma rip off his nose.”

 “Don't” Abraham said “If you do, Stebbins will take over the country, and then he will actually execute us.”

 Parker hit the ground “Goddamn, you are right.”

 “Why him?”

 “He's the Prime Minister, right now if he wanted to, he could kill Barkovitch, and take over the country already, he's just too lazy” Abraham said.

 “Wait, for real?”

 “You didn't know.”

 “Pete told me, but I didn't think he was for real, I thought it was a joke.”

 “Pete as in Peter McVries The Mad Hatter?” Abraham asked him, making the silhouette of a hat on his head with his index finger.

 “Yes?” Garraty said unsure, leaning forward “I'm staying with him?”

 “But, you do know what he does, right?” Parker asked.

 “Not a lot?” Garraty was feeling more and more unsure.

 “I'm going to tell him” Parker stood up.

 “No, you are not” Abraham grabbed his leg, and slammed him right back down.

 “He needs to know, Abe.”

 “No, he doesn't, Collie.”

 “What do I need to know?”

 “No, you don't, Ray.”

 “Tell me! I need to know” Garraty got himself closer to them, his eyes wide, he had a nervous smile on.

 “Nobody is telling anything to anybody” Abraham clapped once “We are all going to stay here, and wait out.”

 “You are an idiot, Abe.”

 “And you love me” Abraham poked Parker on the ribs.

 “Don't make me break your nose, Abe!”

 "Like you would."

                                                     -------------

“And that's why they call me The Mock Turtle, and why lessons, are called lessons.”

 “Damm straight” Parker said, he somehow, looked actually interested in whatever Abraham was saying, Garraty was about to fall asleep, when the sounds of way too near, and way too loud trumpets, woke him up.

 “Raymond Davis Garraty!” It was Stebbins’s voice.

 Parker laughed “Davis.”

 “Present yourself!”

 “Going!” Garraty stood up, he rubbed his eyes, and went to the bars “What? Are you going to throw me to the wolves? How do you even know my full name?”

 “I'm Stebbins, I know everything” He said, lowering the trumpet.

 “Do you know what McVries does?”

 “You don't?”

 “I been here five days!”

 “It's been five years, Ray Garraty!” 

 “Uh?”

 “Aren't you two, too calm for people who are supposedly going to an execution?” Parker yelled at them, from inside the cage.

 Stebbins rolled his eyes as he opened the cage’s door, the cage didn't have that door before, the moment Garraty stepped out, it disappeared, and the whole prison with it.

 He was standing on the same field he had first walked on, it wasn't in his old house.

 “Don't pay attention to it, it's not worth it.”

 “I never do” Garraty said, smiling bitterly.

 “Of course, you don't” Stebbins said “Now you have a choice left to make” He held his two hands up, closed, and showing the white, always bruised skin of his knuckles “You can either go to your trial where nothing physically important will happen, where we cannot affect you in a way that will matter, except if you want it to, or you can run away.”

 “It’s this part of the dream already” Garraty spoke without thinking again.

 Stebbins smiled knowingly “So which ending will you choose?”

 Garraty stared at Stebbins’s eyes, as if he was waiting to be told something new, his pale skin was as unreal as everything else here, he could simply choose to ignore it, the very same way he had chosen to ignore everything else until this point, and lead a regular fun life.

 “This was sudden” He said.

 “Everything here is” Stebbins brushed his bangs away from his eyes “Everything for you, and I it is.”

 “Yeah” Garraty reached for them, he petted them back down “It is.”

 “Meaningless” Stebbins said, he was looking through him now.

 “You think so, too?” Stebbins didn't nod, or show any expression “You already know what I am going to choose, don't you?” 

 “But I still need to ask, each and every time.”

 “When will you stop?”

 “When will you stop?”

 “Never.”

 “Exactly.”

 Garraty stepped away from Stebbins “Thank you.”

 “It´s a personal pleasure” Stebbins tilted his head, Garraty could almost kid himself into thinking he was smiling, Garraty smiled back.

                                                         -------------

Garraty turned his back on Stebbins, and walked, he already knew where he was going, the forest was vast, endless, and Garraty walked it without a second thought, like he had done when he was a child. 

 He laughed a little as the golden gates came into view, he ran back to McVries, didn't even see the red roses on his way back.

[breezy-cheezy]

I finished Final Fantasy 7 Remake

Long story short, I loved it!! So much!! And there’s alot I wanna rant about so here we are. A review of sorts?? Major spoilers ahead! 

And if y’all think you’re immune to spoilers because you played the original FF7, YOU ARE NOT. Lots of new stuff here....just warning y’all.

Although! I did find this great looking walkthrough playlist if anyone’s interested and can’t play the thing themselves? Idk how complete it is with the details, but from a glance it looks nice! 

- FIRST OF ALL the music in it all is amazing!!! From the menu song all throughout, I got Emotional. All the rehashings of Aerith’s theme?? Tifa’s theme?? The FF7 main theme here are there?? AMAZING!!!! I need to find a tracklist or something there are so many versions of the songs specific to the scenes they played in and I die??? Man it is Good. 

- On the music front, I really enjoyed the Jukebox feature! So they could add in old classic songs that story-wise couldn’t appear yet...good nostalgia there. 

- Lil disclaimer, I played the original FF7 fairly recently, on Steam. HOWEVER. I played Crisis Core years ago, and watched Advent Children, etc. And Final Fantasy music has been a staple homework playlist for me for ages now.... So yes I’m new to the whole FF7 original story. But not new in how most people are...it’s a weird situation lol. Like I knew the general FF7 story for awhile but just recently filled the details....

- The gameplay is awesome!! I wasn’t great at it, but...tbh it felt like mechanics combo of the original FF7, FF15, annnnd Kingdom Hearts :D Also appreciated it PAUSED when you picked out commands lol. Loved upgrading weapons. Loved working with materia. I wish there were like...ways to save a materia set so you could easily switch over when your characters were switched out though X’’’’D 

- Biggs is Aro/Ace

- Cloud is VERY Aro/Ace

- Tifa might be Ace

- I decided long ago (in my Crisis Core phase) that Sephiroth is Aro/Ace. There’s nothing to “prove it” in this game but I’m holding to it. I have claimed these characters askjdhuiwdhguerhgr

- Side note, slightly related, but I love how the relationships shone in this remake?? Lots of casual, comfortable touch with Tifa and Cloud (in which Cloud seems in general pretty touch averse due likely to Trauma) in a “we’ve known each other our whole lives” way and gosh I love them. Aerith with Cloud is adorable. Barret!!! Was characterized SO WELL here, and I love him way more than I ever did!! Barret and Tifa interactions as well were so heartfelt and wonderful aaaaaa how good

- Like...Barret haaaates Cloud in the beginning. But somewhere along the way he adopts Cloud instead and ain’t that fantastic?? He just can’t contain how much he cares about others and especially his daughter and goSH I love him. 

- Aerith!! I love her!! She gave such a vibe that she knows more than she says, but is still so cute and sweet and sassy I LOVE!!!! Also that scene in the train graveyard with baby Aerith ;;~;; 

- Also

Cloud: You need any help??

Aerith, climbing a ladder: I’m fine. You don’t need to treat me like a princess or anything~~~

*ladder breaks*

Aerith, completely serious: s h * t.

I LAUGH

- Cloud was actually really cute with kids!!!!! 

- I think I saw a post where they talked about how much more consistent characterizations were here?? I have to agree. I feel some stuff was lost in translation while playing FF7 original, and it felt alot more put together, character-wise, here. I feel like some of that was learned from FF15 and its success with character relationships?? It was Good. 

_ I rambled about this before, but Wall Market was every bit as embarrassing as you would think. *covers face*

- Also I thought it was interesting how they handled who was in your party when! A little annoying sometimes though, switching materia around!!! DX I also really wanted to actually PLAY Red XIII/Nanaki....but sure make him an NPC, whatever. (I am grateful he healed me often.)

- *me when Nanaki shows up* AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! THERE HE IS!!!!!!! (sidenote, in the original, I didn’t wanna call him by his experiment name. He’s the only character I changed the name of. The name I picked? Ignis. :”D )

- The motorcycle segments were ANNOYING AS HECK, especially that last one in escaping the Shinra building DX The game forced your camera to focus on the boss and that made the controls VERY ANNOYING. Cool to watch tho.

- I actually almost completed the game boss fight chain early last night!! But RIGHT when I got to Sephiroth, the family demanded I get off the TV for their use D: all that progress....I had to redo ALOT. DX 

- STILL the fights were VERY cool! Reminded me of KHII end alot actually, jumping around on broken floating buildings and whatnot?? Also the creature looked like a HUGE DARKSIDE heartless lol

- There’s actually alot in this remake that gives alot of a KH feel to me?? Nomura I see you....

- *screeching the One Winged Angel theme still not knowing the words* 

- I LOVED how they showed scenes of the future in the end?? Probably ripped from Advent Children, but?? The characters actually seeing that?? Going “this CAN’T be our future!!” Yo. Also it’s implied it might not HAPPEN now going against destiny and all. I know alot of people are pissed but I am EXCITED. I’m all for a fix-it fic game thank YOU. 

- Speaking of fix-it: ZACK. ZAAAAAACK!!!!!! It’s implied he’s alive in one reality so WHERE IS HE??????? I’m so curious about this new story. I’m gonna eat up theories. I want!! To see!! My baby boy!!!!!! to be Fair (haha) I spoiled myself knowing he was in the game but I didn’t know WHEN!!!

- This is terrible, but I love how much they expressed how NOT OK Cloud is. His mental state is awful, but boi won’t talk about it. 

- Like I know it’s in the original, but it comes up ALOT more in the remake, and the flashbacks/brain short out moments are more obvious in HD for sure. Plus Cloud’s eyes seem more green there, which is a great touch!! Also the incredible FORESHADOWING it brought. Love it. Please someone help this idiot with his headaches....

- I did get annoyed with the whole scene in Hojo’s lab. Cloud’s walking like a zombie toward where Jenova is, saying CONCERNING things, and NO ONE reaches out until he outright collapses? We all just gonna stand back and watch?? Sure ok. 

- Hojo is absolutely disgusting and horrifying and exactly how I imagined him, creators did great job.

- Also why does no one use curaga in these character death scenes???? Potion? Anything????Hello??????

- I was so relieved Wedge (and one of his 3 cats) got to live, and then devastated when they chucked him out a window last minute ;;A;; still. I didn’t see a body. Maybe he’s ok.....*sobs*

- I WAS NOT EXPECTING BIGGS TO BE SEEN IN RECOVERY THO YEEEEESSSSS (I love ANY sign that they DID manage to change the future a little...I thought he was dead!!) Fun fact! The one part I legitimately started crying was when Biggs “died”! Hhhhhhhhhh

- Those dang dementors huh? X’’’D Whispers of fate...there to make sure the story goes according to the original game basically. Does that make the whispers the purist fans of FF7? ...please don’t kill me for that comment sidfiushguigerha

- I just wanna say making a game ABOUT making a remake (that is different from the original) and the struggles in that is VERY meta and so clever and delightful and I LOVE IT. I really wanna see what happens next....

All in all I spent 52 hours on this game. WAY more than I expected for only covering Midgar. And I ENJOYED it!! Some parts felt like the story was being dragged/padded, but most of the time I didn’t care. Also there’s even more to do?? Apparently I missed some scenes....I don’t have time for now, but maybe someday. Or maybe I’ll just look them up ;;7;; 

It’s a good game y’all!!

[celestial-neverland]

Lessons Learned

**This is actually an rp between my Pan and my friend’s Tinkerbell (@grumpyolives )**

××Lessons Learned××

Pan grinned as he snuck into his best friend, Tink’s, room. He knelt by her bed and laid his arms on the edge, leveling face-to-face with the sleeping blonde. “Tink!” He whispered giving her a light shake. “Come on, Tink. Wake up!”

Tink woke up with a start. “What the-?” She noticed Pan grinning at her. “What are you doing, Peter? It’s the middle of the night.” She mumbled, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

Pan laughed, “I know exactly what time it is, Tink. I can read clocks.” He shifted, moving to rest his chin on his open palms. “Get up. Let’s go!” He stood up, arms over his chest, waiting for her. “We’re gonna go have some fun.”

Tink shook her head. “Okay, okay.” She tossed the covers to the side, slipping lazily from her warm bed. “Just give me a minute to wake up.” She yawned.

He nodded and turned to step outside her room, shutting the door. He crossed his arms over his chest, humming softly as he waited for the fairy-sized girl to get ready.

The blonde threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. She put her sneakers on and walked out of the bedroom. “I’m ready! Where are we going?”

Pan grinned mischievously, taking her hand. “You’ll see!.” He answered cryptically. He tangled their fingers and tugged her along.

After ten minutes of walking down the streets of Storybrooke, he stopped beside a couple shopping carts at the top of the steepest hill of the town. “This is what we’re doing! Or at least I am.”

She looked at him before bursting into laughter. “Peter, are you drunk or something? What are we gonna do with shopping carts?”

Pan shook his head, smiling. “I’m not drunk! I just think taking a ride would be alot of fun!” He shrugged. “Look, T. You don’t have to ride one but I want to.” He stated simply.

She held up her hands definently. “No, no. I won’t run away from a shopping cart.” She pulled one of the carts over, grinning. “Hop in. I’ll drive.”

The male grinned, hopping into the cart. “Just put it at the edge of the hill and shove it okay?” He requested.

Tink nodded, pushing the cart towards the hill. When she got to a not so steep part of the top, she held the cart. “Alright! You ready?”

Pan nodded, eagerly. “Hell yea!” He laughed, leaning back preparing himself. “Alright, alright! I’m ready!”

“Okay! One-two-THREE!!!” She gave a big push to the carriage jumped onto the back.

Pan laughed, throwing his fist in the arm. YEAAAAAAH! WOOOOO!! THIIIIIIIS ISSSSSS AWWWWWWESOOOOOOOME!!!“ He cheered.

She held tightly and laughed, “WOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!” She cheered as the cart reached the bottom, feeling out of breath, her hair flying wildly all over the place.

He laughed as the cart rolled to a stop shortly from the bottom of the hill. “That was awesome! Let’s do it again!!” He called, jumping out of the cart, running the cart and Tink back up the hill.

She nodded, hopping off and running along side him. “Let’s switch. I’ll sit in the cart and you push!”

Pan grinned, “Okay!” He replied as they made their way to the top once more. He held the cart, waiting for her to jump in.

Tink climbed into the cart and held to the sides, giggling. “Okay, I’m ready!”

He nodded, running as shoving the cart down. He hopped on quickly, laughing as the wind whipped wildly around them. “YEAAAAAA!!”

She laughed, tightening her grip, “AAAAAA!!!” She let go, sticking her arms into the air like a roller coaster.

Pan laughed again, throwing one fist into the arm, relishing in the feel of the wind caressing the pair. He grinned as the cart rolled to a stop. “Do you wanna go again?” He offered. “I’ll go again next.”

Tink nodded, getting out of the cart and pulling her hair into a messy bun. “Alright, let’s do it!” She grabbed the cart and ran back up the hill.

He grinned, running after her. “This is great. I wish we had thought of doing this sooner.”

“I know right?! This is so much fun!” She replied, getting to the top of the hill. She positioned the cart for him to get in. “I’m just glad nobody is around. They probably would’ve kicked us out of here by now.” She snickered.

Pan grinned mischievously. He gestured for her to step aside. “Back up some.”

She raised her eyebrow, backing the cart up a little bit. “Okay, what for?”

He snorted, motion for her to back up. “I meant you back up, not the cart.” He stated.

“Oohh,” she blushed slightly, backing away from the cart. “Why am I backing away from the cart?”

“In case this fails, I don’t want it falling into you.” He answered before running and jumping into the moving cart.

Tink’s eyes widened as she ran to stabilize the cart before it can fall. “You’re gonna get yourself killed!! ‘Mauled by Shopping Cart’ is not something you want on your headstone!!”

Pan rolled his eyes. “Tiiiink! Come on! Let it go by itself! I won’t die! I swear!”

Tink narrowed her eyes, slowly letting go of the cart. “I don’t trust that, but if this goes badly, you’ll at least have learned your lesson.”

Pan grinned, saluting her as the cart rolled down the hill. He shifted turning to face the front, one hand in the air.

He let out a laugh, eyes shut as he enjoys the feeling of the wind blowing against him again.

About half way down, the cart shaking caused him to open his eyes wide. He gasped, yelling out as the cart flipped and flung him forward “FUCK!!”

Her eyes widened as she watched in horror as he’s flung forward. “PETER!” She gasped, running down the hill to him. As she ran down, she lost her footing, twisting her ankle and falling the rest of the way down the hill.

Pan laid there, panting heavily as he stared at the sky for a moment. He groaned as he heard Tink, rolling in time to see her stumble and fall. He swore under his breath and dragged himself to his feet. He stumbled over to her and reached down. “Tink! A-are you okay?” He asked, kneeling down to check on her.

Tink groaded, trying to sit up. “M-my foot hurts..” She whispered, tearing up as she reached for her ankle. She winced as she brushed her fingers against it. “I-it twisted and I fell..” She examined herself, noticing cuts and bruises. “Ow..”

He grimaced, leaning towards her as he scooped her into his arms. “Looks like we’re both in need of medical attention.” He chuckled, weakly. “I’m pretty sure I have a few broken bones and road rash. Like MAJOR road rash…”

She let out a shaky breath. “I think I left my phone at home.. Where’s the hospital? You shouldn’t be carrying me like this. You’re hurt…”

He shrugged, groaning at the motion. “I-its okay… I think mine is in my pocket.” He stated. “And the hospital is like 10 minutes away from here I think?”

Tink reached down, getting his phone out. “We need a ride or an ambulance. I don’t know how well this would go if one of us pushes the other in a busted cart.” She laughed weakly.

He grinned. “I don’t think it would go well at all.” He agreed. He set Tink down, letting himself drop to his knees. “I’m sorry… I have to stop..” He muttered.

She nodded. “I know. Its okay.” She replied, dialing the phone, waiting for someone to answer. She smirked. “Learn your lesson, Pan?”

Laying on his back, he grinned. “I would do it again no doubt if I was drunk.” He admitted.

She laughed, “You dork.” She teased as the phone is answered. She quickly explained what happened, hanging up. “We should be picked up in about 10 minutes.”

He continued to lay on the ground, staring up. “I think I might have a concussion…” He sighed, seemingly breathless. He closed his eyes. “After all that, I’m tired now.”

She smacked his faced lightly a few times. “If you have a concussion, you can’t fall asleep.” She ordered him, sitting him up carefully. “They’ll be here any minute now…”

Pan groaned at the light smacks. “Just a couple minutes…” He murmured as his eyes flickered open a few times.

Tink held him upright as the ambulance pulled up to the pair. “Stay awake, Peter. They’re here.”

He hissed slightly, “Man, I have one helluva headache…” He mumbled, dazedly. He reached up to his head, sliding his hand through his hair. “Is my nose bleeding? It feels like it.”

She leaned forward, checking his nose. “It starting to.” She confirmed. The EMTs loaded them into the ambulance, checking the pair’s vitals.

Pan snickered lightly, eyes closing. “That may have been my stupidest idea ever… And I’ve done some stupid shit…”

One of the medics checked Tink. “You don’t seem to have any visible injuries aside from your ankle.”

Tink nodded, shaking Pan’s arm. “Pan, keep your eyes open. They’re trying to check for a concussion.”

He groaned as the medics examined him. “Can’t we go home?” He sighed, as the medic checked each visible wound. The EMT shook his head. “Not likely with that concussion.”

Tink sighed. “Peter, just cooperate so we can get home by tomorrow. They’re going to have to keep you overnight with your concussion.” She winced as the medic examined her ankle, confirming a sprained ankle.

Pan groaned in both pain and annoyance. “Hospitals give me anxiety and make me feel claustrophobic.” He responded, closing his eyes as he tried getting rid of the searing pain. “Damn, I just want it to stop hurting…”

After a short drive, they arrived at the hospital. One of the medics offered a crutch to Tink as the other rolled Pan into a room. “Just relax. It’ll be over before you know it.”

Pan glanced at the looming building, seemingly shrinking back. “I hate hospitals…” He whispered, slouching in the chair.

She rubbed his back reassuringly. “It’s going to be okay. Nothing bad will happen in there.”

Giving Tink a look, Pan frowned slightly. “Haven’t you seen The Walking Dead? Or the Halloween movies? Or John Q?”

She rolled her eyes. “Peter, you aren’t going into a coma, you weren’t shot and we don’t live in Georgia. Michael Myers escaped a MENTAL hospital, not a normal hospital. And no, I have not seen John Q.”

“One of the Halloweens, Myers went to one of the hospitals after one of the patients.” He pointed out. “And John Q, the dad’s son was dying of some heart problem and he held up an Emergency Room at gun point just for a heart for his son.”

“I doubt any relative of Michael Myers lives in Storybrooke and happened to be admitted into this hospital. Also, this town is so tiny, who would possibly have a heart problem here?”

“Anyone could have a heart problem here! And Michael Myers is a fictional slasher character, Tink. He isn’t real at all. But that doesn’t mean some sort of mentally deranged person couldn’t show up and attack people.” He retorted.

“We have a mental institution in town, but that place is locked up so tight only the mayor would be able to get in and out.”

Pan pondered the thought as a doctor walked into his room. “That is true.” He mused, turning his attention to the doctor.

Tink sat down next to Pan, taking his phone out and playing games as they waited.

“So, we are going to take you back and get some tests ran. To see what’s possibly broken and to see if there’s any internal bleeding and such.” The doctor informed the pair. Pan sighed, nodding his acceptance.She reached up, taking Pan’s hand. 

She stroked the back of his hand with her thumb. “It’ll be okay.”

He gave his best friend a faint, pained smile. “I know. See you when I get back!” He waved lightly to her.

Tink let go of his hand, watching as he’s wheeled out of the room. She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

After an hour or so of tests being done, Pan is wheeled back into the room. He grinned, lit up at the site of his friend. “Tink!”The transport chuckled. “They gave him pain meds.” He told her as he walked out the door. Pan watched the transport go and looked back at Tink.

Tink smiled. “There you are! How are you feeling, Pan? Anything broken?”

“I feeeeel…. Great for now! And I have a mild concussion, lots of bruises including a growing one on my face, a bad case of road rash, cracked ribs and a broken collarbone.” He announced.

She shook her head. “Oh, honey,” she stroked his hair softly. “I’m gonna stay here with you until they release you. Okay?”

Pan hummed at her petting his hair. “M'kay…” He yawned, hand searching for her other hand. “Sleep beside me?”

She nodded, climbing into bed with him as she held his hand. “Okay, but no funny business. Got it?”

“No funny business,” He murmured, shifting to make room for her. “Promise.” He added sleepily as he moved to lay his head on her shoulder, nuzzling the side of her neck as he fell asleep.

Tink sighed, closing her eyes as she got comfortable. “Goodnight, Pan.”

Pan hummed softly, drifting off. “Night, Tinkerbell.” He whispered.

Tink smiled, falling asleep.

[shytiff]

July 2021

1 - the toners i bought from sociolla arrived yay. loll i got into portal’s hall of fame somehow. usual day at magang. slowww progress of that sympo 1 ppt hhh. went back home and its raininggg yall. this week my hygiene habits and isya prayer was screwed. i cant bring myself to DOOOO things. i basically only get stuff done outside.

2 - started 2nd ppt (i know!!! super slow aaaaa). bought dough lab OG cookies and cookie monster since it was discounted at grab’s PI outlet. bought matcha mcflurry w juan when going back to AR. ate roti canai, the whole mcflurry, and tried the cookies. the sugar, bruh. all this time, im not lacking energy. im lacking sugar lol. watched two set and played marapets lol

3 - binged twoset violin. cant bring myself to do ppt. Finally managed at night.

4 - dayslept. Not sleepy but cant bring myself to do anything. Supernova technical meeting at 1 pm and some gmeet with iship wa group and suddenly its maghrib,,, did like 2 slides of ppt

5 - went to post office to get str and arrived 8 sharp. No one was there. Anjeng. They said wait until 9. went to tax office. Closed. Off to rscm. Ugh the traffic!? Surprise of kiara "internship" that on the very same day was cancelled

6 - its a struggle to reach rscm ugh. tried to go through sudirman but the toll exit was closed. so we went through tebet. gajah 2 was also sealed. while waiting for juan i bought snacks in indomaret. lol, got no cash. liqo with kak kartika and fell asleep halfway through lol,,,

7 - this time we’re going through kemayoran lmao and exited the toll at rawamangun. bought saladstop caesar salad just bcss they have this collapsible bowl bundling, together 140k (after added grab promo) lool. 

8 - today i didnot went to gastro since its off day due to a gastro staff getting covid. went to RSF for operan with dr dedes. took pictures with dr vera and we made heart using hand lmaooooo my koas soul felt scared doing that. tried the sushi mom bought at lotte mart. she also bought milk buns and it was good! like a marriage between bread and mochi. my stomach felt super bloated to a point where it hurts so i ate paldo wet ramyeon except i put too much water and the seasoning was diluted. 

9 - im supposed to do ppt but i cant bring myself to do it. i lazed in my bed literally all day. bingeing two set. reading webtoon. playing marapets. felt like utter shit. thought that id start my day after maghrib but nah. ended up sleeping

10 - still feel like shit and cant bring myself to start my day. And didnt do anything lmaoo

11 - cant bring myself to start my day~ ended up starting work like after maghrib. Its more difficult with things where u actually have to think bcs u need a certain headspace. Got sbux matcha and that shit rly helps me feel "normal".

12 - intern as usual. The 4 ppts are "finished" and i contacted the prof after mustering some strength. Zoom call with prof to check on the ppt. Bought a delicious es jeruk somewhere along the way to AR. Talked to mom abt picking wahana. The list was finally out and it was jakarta fair. Ara called, her grandpa passed away and shes afraid to go back and potentially harming her familys health. Showered but slept right after without doing anything meaningful 😔

13 - today is the 2nd "special batch" of internship idi. Followed along the war as a practice time. Theres a lot of vacant spots. And that scared us wanting to go national lol. I hope everything will be fine. Another zoom call with Prof, ughh theres so much to reviseeeeeee and i havent made any word material

14 - its only nessa and me today at dept. Picked rs krakatau medika together w nessa. Clara told me abt how her mother is sometimes toxic. Cant rly focus on work today bcs of internship stuff. Had headache ec lack of sleep that lasted from 2-6 pm. Immediately slept like a log after isya

15 - turns out nessa also want to pick rskm loll that makes 7 ui peeps in rskm. Did some good progress by alienating myself in Prof's cubicle. Moral message: whatever time you think youd make the ppt, it will be more. Bought martabak tipker orins yum. Its like lekker on steroids. I still prefer martabak pizza more.

16 - did 1 word for the ppt. Bought jco donuts w nessa bcs my mouth was lonely. Sent 1 completed topic to Prof and pamit.

17 - cant bring myself to do anything~ felt like shit~ played marapets and watched tiktok and youtube

18 - pembekalan iship today

19 - more pembekalan iship. Medical checkup today at labkesda. Met nessa mendel adita regen clara agung. Ate kfc together at nessas place. Went to dinkes jakbar for sppd. No ppt progress aaaaaa

20 - packed my stuff. Originally planned ti leave at 2 pm but theres a lot of uncertainty so i decided to leave tomorrow. The real certainty came at like 9 pm.

21 - off to cilegon 05:30 ish. Filled the gas. Arrived 07:15. Moved my stuff. Went to pkm with mom et al and ness mendel. Swab. Back to palm wates. I felt sad when mom had to leave. She must be tired, but she keeps supporting me with everything that she has. I know its always been like that but sometimes distance makes you see things (?) maybe its bcs im outside ar right now. Bought food. Printed stuff at a place 600m away. Did ppt work accompanied by mocca goodday (that i just knew was good lmao)

22 - zoom orientation today. Still managed to laze out and not do my work -___- tri was out so i was alone. Ate gold chick for brunch. That stuff is oil mixed with food. Finally did some work. The night orientation with dr Selfie was pretty shocking, but it was rly informative and i think she did it out of love.

23 - puskes 1st day. Orientation and turns iut we headed straight to poli lol. Had my very first poli umum with the kind dr arief. My first patient had bee sting :) the second was breast lump :) its rly a slap in my face to go study. Stayed in nessa's for a bit to do some work, except i felt rly tired and gave up at like 4 pm. Bought kebab around the corner (15k). Unremarkable. Kanayam for dinner, w some for breakfast 2mrw

24 - slept early so i woke up early. Tri also. We did some working at like 3 am til subuh. Poli was not too crowded since it was saturday. Helped mendel irrigate his ear in the puskes ER. Waited out the 2 pm standby. We ended up driving to merak except for esa lol. Bought kanayam again lol. Ended up sleeping early again

25 - nasi uduk 88 for breakfast. Some ppt work. my family came bringing motor hehe. Moved to mess. Met dr Ine. Learned how to use washing maching. More ppt work. Bought nasgor just in front of the mess

26 - vaccine post today. Zoom with IDI cilegon. Nessa cooked macaroni and meat. Talked a bit and then suddenly its half past 10. No significant ppt progress today. Im rly sorry Prof 😭😭😭

27 - MTBS poli today. Bu ningrum gave me cimol and jantung pisang and sayur and salad buah hehee. Some orientation. Did the last ppt for Prof. Can finally rest (??) nah the words still not finished. Overall mood today: ☺️

28 - poli usila today in bp with mendel. Injected mendel with his 3rd sinovac. Went to dinkes for SPPD.

29 - vaksin with mendel. lots of patients. porridge for bfast. talked about love life lmaoo. tried sate bebek h. syafei. quite good but sate klathak still holds the first place in my heart. finished the 3rd word doc and sent it. just as i was about to sleep, i saw the notif of jk going live. hes basically dancing around in his pjs at 1 am lmaoo <3

30 - paldo jajangmen for bfast. BP. shoot a video for e-promkesline. soto for lunch. bought kopi soe goela merah and croffle. the croffle was not as hard and crunchy and thick as social affair’s. the choco-nut topping was so so. the coffee was bitter like tuku, but not as smooth and creamy (?), not too acidic. did ppt of ecmocard data an hour before the zoom sesh.

31 - vaccine with dr anggi. went back early. bought some stuff in indomaret. lunch was abon, rice and leftover veggies. finished the last word manuscript for Prof along with kopi soe and sent it. vcalled w mom. had simba pillow mixed with sport muesli for dinner. 

[definitelynotalyzza-blog]

WORST 2 WEEKS OF MY LIFE huhu. MY EXPERIENCE WITH CHICKENPOX.

After these photos were taken, I started to not feel well. It doesn't alert me that much because I thought that drinking medicine after I get home will make me feel better immediately. We went to church and we were standing the whole time because there are no more seats available. I started to feel that my legs are getting weaker, I have a fever, headache and my throat is really swollen and all I knew is that anytime, I can collapse. I also started to have bumps on my face, I thought those are pimple and it's itchy, so I scratched it. I know I will regret what I did huhu.

It's very painful and as I saw my face and body in the mirror, I'm always devastated with how I look. I really thought it would be the end of me. My body has an impaired immune system, we were really worried for the complications that I might get with the fact that I have a weak lungs. :( Not a healthy kid tho haha. As I am writing this, it is my 4th day of having this. I really want and need to eat but it's painful. ;•( Thanks for my Mama who takes care of me. She is not getting tired to boost up my spirit when I complain. It takes minimum 2 weeks to get rid of chickenpox and to stop it from being contagious. I'll be absent for 2 weeks and it adds pressure in me since it's hard to cope up in class. Thank God I have Amiel as my bff and she always tells me that she'll be the one to explain everything.

I am writing this to divert my attention. I want to fast-forward everything to make this end. Childish as it is, it makes me mad and also sad that there is still no medicine/antibiotic invented to make your chickenpox heal in a short period of time. As of now, you will have to wait and wait and waaaaiiit until it heals by itself. It is the worst, I swear. I sometimes cry because I can't do anything about it. What's more of having chickenpox is that it will prolly leave you with maaaarks. AaaaaA frustrating.

As I experience this, I want to be the one to invent the medicine for chickenpox. Do I look smart with this idea? Hopefully, I can do it someday. Others belittle having chickenpox as they said a person really goes through it once in a lifetime, but siiiizzzzzzt It is really unbearable. Thank you for listening to my TED talk hahaha kidding aside, vaccination is a must!!!!! ☺️