#a-maize-ing post

[digital-roots]

In every universe, I would run you over with my car.

[whocaresstillthelouvre]

Close Encounters Of The Corn Kind

Rating: Teen, for marijuana use where it's legal. Mature, for marijuana use where it's illegal. Pairing: Dieter Bravo x Female Reader Summary: Exploring a corn maze high out of your mind after eating an edible all by yourself, beautiful? Or... you and Dieter are high and end up separated in a corn maze. He must do whatever he can do to save his princess. Warnings: Dieter's POV, stoned paranoia, Dieter calls reader princess, panic but in a corny way, corn, corn, and more corn. Words: 1,400

A/N: Written for @goodwithcheese and @jolapeno's Fall Challange. I know Javier Pena x bonfire won my poll and I promise that will be posted but woooo boy, once I started writing this I couldn't stop. I happen to find it quite a-maze-ing!

Masterlist

🌽🌽🌽🌽

Corn, corn, corn. So much corn. It’s everywhere. The stalks move in the evening breeze, secrets whispering out with each sway taunting him as he ventures deeper into the maze. It surrounds him. He jumps overwhelmed by fear with every brush of a dry leaf against his skin. He looks down at his arm, he’s safe, he hasn’t turned to corn yet. You’re still out there somewhere lost in the labyrinth of grain, he must rescue you. 

A couple wrong turns here and there and now he’s lost. Who knows how far away you are. A sea of corn now stretches between you. What if you’re both stuck here forever, wandering through the maize maze for eternity?

He shakes the thought from his head. No! He can’t think like that. He must continue. His princess needs him. 

A rustling sound comes from behind him. He whirls around, sliding on the muddy ground. His Croc slips, betraying him, but he catches his balance, nice try maze phantom. The mud, it’s another obstacle. He cannot fall, he has a mission, he has to save his princess.

Take a left? No, take a right. Left? Left as in left behind? He better go right. Right? Well, right might mean he’s asking for approval. 

He wishes he had a map. He wonders if that children's menu from Olive Garden he filled out last week might just hold the answer for this. He was able to connect the spaghetti to the meatball on his first attempt. Wait, is he the meatball? 

He doesn’t know what shape the maze is. What if it’s all an elaborate trap sent down from the aliens? Everyone knows that aliens love corn fields. Is he currently roaming a crop circle? He could very well be headed for the big red X where they’ll beam him up. Have they already captured you? 

“PRINCESS?!” he shouts, turning down another corn concourse. Corncourse, that’s a funny word, maybe he can talk to someone at Merriam-Webster about adding it to the dictionary. That is–if he escapes out of here. “PRINCESS?!”

No answer, only a murder of cawing crows laughing at his misfortune as the plume of them takes flight. They’re mocking him, laughing at his pathetic desperation. Maybe if he wishes hard enough he can sprout wings, lift off, swoop down and rescue you, then fly out of this place. Crazier things have happened… after all, he did win an Oscar. 

“Dieter?” your voice harkens him back to reality. He can just barely see the brown fuzz of his coat on you. Why didn’t he give you an orange security vest? Ah, but then you’d stick out amongst the corn and that’d make you more of a target for them. 

“Princess?! Is that you?” 

“Yeah…” you reply, your voice muffled by the wall of corn between.

“Baby! Are you okay?” He asks, his spine straightening, his heart skipping a beat.

“I’m like… really high,” you whisper loud enough for him to hear behind the corn barrier.

“I am too, but don’t fret Princess,” his voice drops with a heroic tone. “I will find you, all this corn be damned.” 

“Can’t you just… come through the row?” you ask, confusion tinging your voice.

He eyes the tan and green blades of stalks reaching out towards him like they’re ready to infect him, he refuses to become a corn person. 

“I’m sorry my love, that’s what they’d expect me to do, we must not cheat. Cheating would cause us to lose the maze, and we don’t want to lose the maze.” 

“Okay… so what do we–” 

CLANG! A loud noise reverberates from outside the maze. A sober mind would realize it’s just the ramp for the hayride trailer hitting the ground, but to Dieter it’s a warning shot.

“RUN!” he shouts, speeding away, stalks burring past him as he entangles himself farther into the mass mosaic of maize.

He’s left you, he knows this, but now it’s even more important for him to track you down. 

He turns a corner and freezes. A friendly face appears, wearing  a wide smile and a straw hat. 

“Hey! Sir! Hi, I–I can’t find my princess,” Dieter huffs, catching his breath. “Do you know where she is?” He holds his phone up, showing the kind looking stranger your photo that's set as his wallpaper. “She’s wearing my brown fuzzy jacket, I got it in Sundance.” 

The man doesn’t answer. He doesn’t even look at Dieter’s phone.

“Sundance, you know, the place in Utah? You ever been?”

Still no answer.

“Dude, look,” Dieter pushes the phone closer to the man’s face. “Can you tell me if you’ve seen my princess?”

The man ignores every word he says, his eyes stay staring forward.

“Well, fine, fuck me I guess,” he mutters, backing away. “I’ll just leave you alone then, obviously you don’t want to help.”

He retreats from the straw hat man, shaking his head at how rude people can be.

He continues down another path.

Right turn. Blocked.

Left turn. Blocked again.

He must retrace his steps and attempt another thoroughfare. Crossing paths with the straw hat man again. 

“Ahh! We meet again,” Dieter says, shaking his head.

Silence still. 

“You know buddy!” He steps closer. “You’re really rude!” He jabs his finger into the man’s soft–very soft–chest, straw pokes out from under the man’s collar. 

“Oh, shit, sorry dude. DIdn’t realize you weren’t real,” Dieter says, sheepishly, grabbing his straw filled hand to shake an apology before heading down another path. 

He feels like he’s getting somewhere, this corn doesn’t look familiar. 

He can hear the crowd of the fall carnival get louder as he takes a left instead of right. He hasn’t been taken yet, he’s close! So close to freedom! Feet don’t fail him now, he can see The EXIT sign in all of its rusted and hand painted glory. And yet, a defeated whimper leaves his mouth, the corn barrier stands tall and intimidating, still holding him captive. If he can leave, he can find you help. Call in the reinforcements, find his princess. 

“Okay Dieter, okay, you gotta get outta here,” he says aloud to himself, pacing back and forth, yanking his hair, causing it to stand even more haphazardly. “Think Dieter! Think! Think!” he shouts. 

“Dieter?” 

Your voice on the other side of the corn! You’ve made it out! 

“Baby?! Y-you’re out?!” he asks in shock. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine Dee, just really hun–”

Another CLANG echoes, he HAS to get out of here. He can’t leave you behind, not when he has the car keys. He hesitates for a moment, before charging through the corn stalks, if he becomes a corn person, then so be it. He HAS to be with you. He’s sure the poison isn’t instant.

He breaks through the corn wall and tumbles to the ground, snapped stalks litter the ground around him, causing quite a scene. He looks up, breathing a sigh of relief when his eyes meet yours. 

There you are standing right outside of the maze exit happily eating an apple cider donut. 

“Hi,” you smile, through a mouthful of crumbs.

“My princess,” he sighs, a wide, adoring grin spreading across his face. He pushes himself up, wincing slightly. He wishes he had a cape. He bets he’d look real cool right now with a cape billowing behind him as he stands amongst the conquered leaves and bits of broken stalks scattered around him.

“Welcome back, brave traveler,” you smile, offering him the donut.

“I made it,” he breathes, taking a bite of the sweet, cinnamon bread.

“Sir,” a stern voice catches Dieter’s attention. He turns to find a security guard eying him, face set in a firm, annoyed expression. “Looks like someone decided to make their own exit, huh?”

Dieter straightens his posture. “I’m sorry sir–there was a very urgent situation.”

The guard raises an eyebrow. “Urgent?”

“She was trapped,” Dieter says, gesturing towards you, his tone heroic again. “I had to save her!”

A laugh bursts from your mouth. “He got lost,” you explain, shaking your head. 

“Lost or not, you two need to leave,” the guard instructs, stepping aside.

“Right then,” Dieter nods. “Come, my princess, this maze has been conquered,” he bows. 

You roll your eyes and giggle, grabbing his hand as the two of you walk towards the exit. 

Dieter’s back where he belongs–with his princess and an inkling of pride, even if the guard trails closely behind.

[krovscastlerpg]

It’s a special Valentine’s Day Ask Wednesday! To participate, just reblog this post and remember to send asks to the other players participating!

Romantic Headcanon Meme

Send a number (and, optionally, a ship) and I’ll describe:

How my Muse acts differently around their love interest(s)

What my Muse admires about their love interest(s)

What sort of daydreams / stray thoughts they have about their love interest(s)

Their worries/insecurities regarding their love interest(s)

How they express their interest/affection prior to a relationship

How they go about confessing their attraction

How they respond to a confession of attraction

How they respond to an anonymous love letter

Any physical/emotional/mental/spiritual feature(s) they find attractive

Personality traits they find attractive

How my Muse handles date night preparation

Ways my Muse goes out of their way for their love interest(s)

Ways my Muse seduces (or tries to) their love interest(s)

My Muse’s attitude towards sex and when/how to bring it up with their partner(s)

The differences between lust and love for my Muse

My Muse’s kinks and how they would bring them up to their partners), if at all

My Muse’s sexual fantasies regarding their partner(s)

How my Muse shows their love for their partner(s) non-verbally/through actions

What my Muse says instead of the words ‘I love you’

Any pet names my Muse has or would call their partner(s)

How my Muse would comfort their partner

How my Muse would tease their partner

My Muse’s thoughts on marriage and their position as a spouse

My Muse’s thoughts on starting a family and their position as a parent

My Muse’s thoughts on their experience / skill in bed

My Muse’s favorite part about having sex with their partner(s)

My Muse’s go-to gift or treat for their significant other(s)

My Muse’s favorite way to spoil and/or pleasure their partner(s)

My Muse’s preferred method of being spoiled / pleasured by their partner(s)

Ask any other question you can think of!

Punny Pick-up Lines Sentence Starters

( in the spirit of Valentine’s day, here’s a compilation of various funny & punny pick-up lines !  Feel free to adjust them to better fit your muses and/or add more context. )

🚪  ❝ I a-door you ! ❞

🍵  ❝ You’re a cute tea ! ❞

🧁  ❝ You bake me crazy ! ❞

🫁  ❝ We belung together ! ❞

🐚  ❝ You’re very spe-shell ! ❞

🧈  ❝ You’re my butter half ! ❞

🔥  ❝ We’re a perfect match ! ❞

🍲  ❝ You make miso happy ! ❞

🥕  ❝ I carrot live without you ! ❞

🐻  ❝ I love you bear-y much ! ❞

🍌  ❝ I find you very a-peeling ! ❞

🐳  ❝ I whale always love you ! ❞

🍞  ❝ You’re the loaf of my life ! ❞

🦦  ❝ There’s no otter like you ! ❞

🦐  ❝ You’re shrimply the best ! ❞

🍉  ❝ You’re my one in a melon ! ❞

🍕  ❝ You have a pizza my heart ! ❞

🐰  ❝ Nobunny compares to you ! ❞

🪵  ❝ Wood you be my valentine ? ❞

🍋  ❝ This is my best pick-up lime... ❞

🍅  ❝ I love you from my head to-ma-toes ! ❞

🌮  ❝ Can we taco ‘bout how cute you are ? ❞

🍄  ❝ You take up so mushroom in my heart ! ❞

🍍  ❝ If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple. ❞

🗼  ❝ Are you a tower? Because Eiffel for you ! ❞

🌽  ❝ I know it’s corny, but you’re a-maize-ing ! ❞

🍩  ❝ I donut know what I would do without you ! ❞

☕️  ❝ Words cannot expresso how much you mean to me ! ❞

🧀  ❝ This might sound cheesy, but I think you’re really grate ! ❞

Ask meme credits: x x

[wickedsrest-rp]

Welcome to our weekly round-up! We do these every week to provide plot drops, highlight starters posted that week, and share other information about the setting. Anyone is welcome to use these bullet points in starters, plots, anons etc. Also let us know if you want us to include one of your setting-related plots in here for next week by sending us a bullet point!

What’s new in town?:

As the moon in the sky waxes toward the second full moon of the month, the crystals around town have taken on a blue-ish glow and are having varying effects on those around. Check out our latest plot of the week for ways to interact!

As coffee shops are rolling out their pumpkin spice lattes, Maized & Confused is taking advantage of the fall excitement and opening up for business a few weeks early this fall season. Enjoy fall treats and a potentially haunted walk through the corn maze while the season lasts!

An already large and still-growing cluster of rats has been scurrying around the streets of downtown. Businesses have been warning customers to avoid the creature as it's wont to deliver a nasty bite. Some, like Starring Role, have been closing early if the rats have been spotted nearby. The chef could be seen angrily pantomiming about not risking a rat getting into his kitchen.

Just because it's Back to School season doesn't mean Bigfeet's Adventureland is ready to slow down on the fun. For the last week of August and month of September, tickets for admission to the theme park will be buy one get one free for Maine residents. Be sure to try the fried cheese on a stick for an extra good time!

Starters:

Duarte Real Estate will be closed through the remainder of the month and Alan has posted contact information for where to send inquiries in the meantime

Mack was pleasantly surprised by gas station chicken and is taking suggestions for other off-the-wall fun stuff to try

Baking is difficult and Ren is looking for easier ways to bake without disastrous results

Someone's cousin has a big mouth so Alex is giving a PSA that she's alive and looking for your streaming recommendations

If you'd like bones and or other random items reach out to Regan who is currently giving away her belongings

It's a 'once in a blue moon' event so Samir is suggesting everyone checks out the Wildcat versus Razor fight coming up this full moon

If anyone knows any good doctors send your recommendations over to Mack who's asking for a friend

Help Emilio settle a debate and cast your vote for who is more handsome: him or Rhett

Wynne is wondering if anyone has any plans for the upcoming betrayer moon so if you have any good traditions, send those over to them

If you're the owner of the chihuahua who bit her toes, Inge is really not happy with you

There's a special at the boathouse and like a good citizen, Shan is giving recommendations to check it out

[uselectionnews]

"Colony Ridge reflects Texas conservative values. It gets bashed anyway.," by Molly Hennessy-Fiske in The Washington Post.

"Russia’s Slaughter of Indigenous People in Alaska Tells Us Something Important About Ukraine," by Casey Michel in Politico.

"What Financial Engineering Does to Hospitals," by Joe Nocera and Bethany McLean in The Atlantic.

"Not an accidental speaker: How Mike Johnson positioned himself for the gavel," by Daniella Diaz in Politico.

"Biden yawns at primary challenge from Dean Phillip," by Alex Thompson in Axios.

"It ended in Sin City. But Mike Pence’s campaign was DOA for months.," by Adam Wren in Politico.

"UAW reaches tentative deal with Stellantis to end strike," by Sareen Habeshian and Joann Muller in Axios.

"U.S. fighter jets intercept civilian aircraft near Biden’s Delaware residence," by Myah Ward in Politico.

"Mapped: Where Americans are moving," by Erin Davis in Axios.

"The A-maize-ing Life of a Corn Maze Designer," by J. Bryan Lowder in Slate.

[digital-roots]

60k transfem rupert post

[digital-roots]

Miscellaneous Hatchetfield headcanons (mostly family related)

- Richie's deepest darkest secret is that for a few years when he was little, he and his mom lived in Clivesdale.

- Richie and Trevor are twins separated from birth parent trap style. Trevor was raised in Philadelphia before his dad moved backed to Hatchetfield, thinking his wife and Richie were still in Clivesdale. The two brothers have not interacted ever despite their proximity with each other.

- Gary Goldstein is actually a clone of Paul, the first one ever made long before they started to make the others for the moon colonies. He escaped and changed his identity, went to law school in another state, and came back to be a sleazy attorney for very rich clients. Said rich clients include Linda Monroe, who he had an affair with and became the biological father of Jordan. He's a deadbeat but he does treat him nicer than Linda's other sons when they happen to be in the same room with each other.

- Gary also does not like musicals but he doesn't make a big deal about it. His go-to coffee order is a large caramel frappe.

- Nora and Jane were actually really good friends, with Jane actually helping Nora to open Beanie's. Nora only gave Emma the job because she felt pity about Emma losing her sister.

- Sylvia is Karen's estranged older sister who cut off her ties with their family after being fed up with their obsession with purity and conservatism. At 18, She moved in with her then boyfriend at the time (they've broken off since then). Grace still prays for her sinner aunt to change her ways.

- Girl Jeri and Boy Jerry went to Sycamore High along with Mark and Karen. They did Bible study sessions together.

- Pete's parents have always had a rocky relationship and by the time Pete is 18 they're finally in the middle of being officially divorced. Pete would sometimes stay at Ted's shitty apartment when things got really messy.

- a lot of the teens think Pete is the owner of Pizza Pete's which adds to why they think he's rich. Max in particular makes fun of him for this a lot despite Pete trying to tell him on numerous occasions that he doesn't own the place.

- Pete and Alice were childhood friends but drifted away by the time they were in high school. They bonded over their shared love of sweets and dysfunctional living situations.

- Ruth had a HUGE crush on Alice, and both were a part of the tech crew in their school theater group. When she found out Alice was dating local stoner and rebellious cool girl Deb she wailed in the bathroom for a solid hour.

[digital-roots]

Ted Spankoffski fans when he ruins his own life and horrifically dies as a miserable and pathetic man for the 87th time

[digital-roots]

Tumblr has Got to make a 'show results button' for polls fast because the amount of times a poll is like

{Minority Group} do you like doing X?

Yes 24%

No 7%

I'm not from minority group (show results) 69%

Is really infuriating

[digital-roots]

Starkid writers always try and squeeze in all the hatchetfield characters in the narrative like their life depends on it like FUCKKK....why hidgens the paulkins wedding officiant all of da sudden🤨...

[digital-roots]

Im fucking crying they made his place into an exhibit that people can just watch. Come see this sad middle aged immortal man as he does his morning piss

[digital-roots]

TGWDLM what if scenario in which Pete got infected later on and replaces Alice in Not Your Seed.

So in this universe Paul ends up accompanying Ted when he finds out his brother is alive. But of course, of fucking course they're too late. Ted shouldn't have tried saving him in the first place. At least then he wouldn't have been face-to-face with his brother singing about how much of a fuckup he is.

[digital-roots]

Carisi as a detective: Hey everyone its me, Sonny, I'm doing great working with you guys, so let's investigate the case and catch our guy! Also I know legal jargon

Carisi as an ADA: If You Do Not Give Me Substantial Evidence For This Case They're Going To Have Me Publicly Executed

[digital-roots]

copperright loss

[digital-roots]

[digital-roots]

The Svensson Family

Apologize for the wait but it's here!!! Sven and Earrings won the poll, so I get to show y'all these awful bastards now!!!

The Svensson family is a notoriously infamous criminal syndicate in Sweden. They're very wealthy and very powerful, being around for many generations. The family prides themselves on having a large control of illegal wares, underground economies and various other shady businesses.

This is gonna be the first part where I introduce each and every one of them. I'll explain more about them and Sven and Earrings relationships toward them later.

Bios for each family member under the cut

(also pleaseee please reblog i spent a lot of time on it and it mean a lot if you read :3)

Sven Svensson Sr.

The head of the family, he is one of the most feared crime bosses in the country. He's an extremely stoic individual who never shows any sort of emotion. The one exception is when he gets angry, and even then it takes a lot to get him to shout.

That doesn't mean he's not a violent man, however, quite the opposite. While usually leaving his goons to do the acts for him, he is not hesitant to pummel the people that cross him into a bloody pulp. He often even does so around other people, to make an example of what happens to those that fail their tasks or try to usurp him.

His wife Margareta (maiden name Fahlén) is a lot more warmer than him, at least on the surface. She comes from a similar criminal but high profile background and married Sven Sr for power. She's very gentle and soft-spoken. With how nicer she is than the rest of the family, you'd be mistaken into thinking that she's actually a good person. She is not.

She's a natural in social situations and is great in manipulation. She's a very confident in her skills and is used to getting what she wants out of people. That's how she managed to become powerful in the first place. That's how she married into the Svensson family. That's how she had her own children become as great as they are.

The two of them had four kids together: Earrings, Sven, Auguste, and Emelie. For now we'll skip the first two.

Auguste Sven Svensson is the third child of the Sven Sr and Margareta and the one that looks most like their mother. He inherited his father's stoicism and his mother's people skills. He used to actually be a very shy child, often hiding at the back of his older siblings. But as time went on his parents started to take notice at how much more,,,,adept he was than his other siblings. Sven Sr could see the potential in him that his second son never had. He needed to make sure this boy would become as great as he was.

His parents molded him into becoming the perfect heir to the Svensson name. Any weaknesses or outside interests were beaten out of him. Auguste is resigned to the role that he plays and sees it as they ways things are meant to be. Even if he never wanted it in the first place, he convinces himself that he just needs to be what everyone wants him to be.

Emelie Svensson

Is the youngest member of the family and is certainly the brattiest. With her siblings getting all of their parent's attention (whether in a good or bad way), that left little care for the girl who just didn't seem to stand out. Of course, it made little ol' Emelie really upset that no one in her family paid attention to her and she took out her anger onto others. Servants, stray animals, even her own siblings weren't exempt from her wrath. Her parents only enabled this behavior, finally giving her some sort of praise from them.

Presently she's about as haughty and cruel as ever, soaking up all the privileges she has as a young woman hailing from a wealthy crime family. Despite her love of bloodshed, she gets very distraught if any blood gets onto her and her million dollar worth dresses.

Ines Svensson is the sister of Sven Sr and is somehow even more colder and stoic than him. She is very sharp, calculating, and Highly formal. She treats her family more like people that work for her. There is no one who she shows any hint of warmth towards.

...Save for maybe her husband, Stellan Cronholm. A loud and brutish man, he is the ringleader of a large animal smuggling ring that mostly deals with rare, sought out species. He has a personal preference for (endangered and highly expensive) snakes, his favorites being pythons. He loves them more than his own kids (which he holds no affection for).

Whenever he finds anyone (working for him or not) that he suspects is trying to expose it, he sends them to his personal snake pit. It is exactly what it sounds like.

Ines and Stellan had twins together, Maja and Magnus.

The two were raised mainly by their mother-sorry, boss. The two are both highly efficient and ruthless mercenaries. They were also discouraged from showing any 'softness' to each other as siblings. These sort of stuff had it so the two didn't really mingle with their cousins until they were older.

Both of them were very much affected by their training but Maja was the only one that showed it. Magnus learns to get over it quicker and so does his sister.

Maja is honestly pretty civil when not doing any mercenary work. She doesnt like being around anyone just herself. She likes origami and keeps some in her room.

Magnus learned to get over it by learning to enjoy hurting people, kinda like Emelie. So when hes not going around being a human weapon, hes pulling 'harmless' pranks on others. His all time favorite prank victim is Maja due to always getting a rise out of her. Sometimes even breaking into her room and destroying her stuff. She often tries killing him for this but always fails to do so.

Finally, we come back to these two. Perle (now known by her toppat nickname 'Earrings') and Sven Jr.

Perle was the oldest one and was the former golden child of Sven Sr's kids, at least until Auguste grew up. Constantly being praised immenseness for her ingenuity, wit, and social skills helped her bloom into the person who she is today. Although, the extremely suffocating pressure she had as the former chosen successor of her family's line of work caused her to stray away when she got older.

She's a very resourceful person with a knack for inventing. Her favorite one she's created are her beloved stun earrings.

In contrast to his darling sister, Sven was the black sheep of the family. He was a....fine enough boy, but he could never reach the insanely high expectations placed upon him. He was constantly belittled and bullied by his own family for being weak willed and generally failing at the things they order him to do.

One too many incidents later, he was exiled from his family by his own father. He joined the Toppat Clan as a way to repent. To finally prove his worth and be seen as the man his family (and himself) always wanted him to be. So far that has not happened.