#a win for freaks everywhere

[vesperpharsalius]

no but the cassius/darrow stabbing scene made me insane something about him smelling cassius' neck and remembering when he called him brother

I hate and love their confrontation and darrow's passage at the same time. it tore them apart but it's also so delicious

No, but seriously, let’s revisit, anon—

I only feel a horrible tightness as alien metal slides into my body and warmth gushes out. I forget to breathe. Then I gasp. My body shivers. Hugs the sword. I smell Cassius's neck. He's close. Close as when he used to cup my head and call me brother. His hair is oily. Dignity leaves me and I begin to whimper like a dog. Throbbing pain blossoms—begins like a pressure, a fullness of metal in my stomach, and becomes an aching horror. I shudder for breaths, gulp at them. Can't breathe. It's like a black hole in my gut. I fall back moaning.

This is just… wow. He can smell his neck? See the oil in his fucking hair? (Which, btw, doesn’t make sense hairwise, because Cassicurls should be having dryness and frizz issues without moisturizers, if any at all, but we’ll let it slide; for anyone curious, here’s the ask I answered on his hair, lol.)

Their breath is absolutely mingling. Foreheads probably touching. Lips hovering close. (Could they… kiss? Hmm. Perhaps. In a certain fic, they just might.)

Darrow moans as Cassius slowly penetrates him. He gasps and shivers at the horrible tightness. Whimpers pathetically from the throbbing pain and the blossoming pressure. Shudders breathlessly at the fullness and the ache of the intrusion.

Sure, there’s always an inherent eroticism to violence, but this is something else. PB, what was your state–of–mind here?

‘I will write a stabbing scene so deliciously gay and stunningly intimate that it’s one of the spiciest moments in my whole series.’

Ngl, it won me over. I was casually vibing with the book before, but this straight–up savaged me. Tbf, there were several reasons why this scene resonated beyond the steaminess but—oof. Inject more of this freaky shit directly into my veins, please.

(And PB did.)

[ghostiezone]

I have a really specific vision of taylor in my mind and it's that she has REALLY messy big curly hair, big thick rimmed square glasses, and always has AT LEAST one or two bugs on her that she doesn't realize are there

(i have not finished worm, please no spoilers in tags!!)

[mrshargreeves]

DAMON ALBARN LIKES BLACK GIRLS

[undergoing-mitosis]

WE DID IT GUYS!!!!!

[gracefullou]

Idk how I feel about this because I have massive hate towards the covers and 1dead anything.

https://x.com/LouisWT91World/status/1828489506460147938

I despise those covers. Even from this video, the man admitted he didn't know one direction that well. Yes, he was screaming with night changes but i've always said that it is a very popular and nostalgic song. I feel like him and his friend were the only ones singing along 7 💀. People behind seem to not know the song at all. But it's Louis' choice, i'm tired of this discussion. If he wants the 4 covers, if he wants to be known as the 1D guy forever it's on him. He had a whole ass 16 songs album (not counting the bonus songs) that he made specifically for the live shows and yet he chooses those decade old songs that'll never be half as good as his own 🤦‍♀️.

[bethrnoora]

wait I don't play apex is bloodhound canonically in a relationship with the dilf explosives expert

[absentmoon]

i finished severance, it was eerily relatable since the pandemic and also because of some of my personal experiences……. it was also SO much to digest & so heavy while simultaneously being fast paced and gripping. its a commentary on consumerism and on capitalism on work on race on immigration on the human condition……… amazing.

OMG YOU FINISHED ALREADY its so so so so goodddgfhbggfhfjfhfgdgdfd GOD. you UNDERSTAND. can you believe that was ling ma's debut novel

[ahmnom]

get medicated sick freak

get medicated! in the tone of get wrecked sick freak in the tone of drunk bob belcher

[coveredinashe]

It’s nice to be represented

SF's number of freak women has gone up

[writersdrug]

Bartender Simon and reader compilation of them having physical contact throughout the day? Like brushing fingers when handing off drinks, or him putting a hand on her hip in the walk as he says,” behind,” to stop her from freaking out as he grabs something overhead, etc .thank youuuuuuuuuu

You guys are making me jealous of reader I swear-

You're the one who starts this game, even if it's unintentional. You ask him for a pen one day, yours is empty and you've got a six top in the corner that's ready to order. He gives you one from the bar, and you tap his forearm twice. "Thanks, Simon!" You say, skipping of to your table.

Simon Simon Simon... he stares after you, replaying your voice and your touch in his mind. It's so nonchalant for you, but it's got him derailed from whatever he was doing. Oh, right. Bartending.

But he makes a point to make you understand what you're doing to him. You're punching in a payment at the POS when you suddenly feel a hand on your upper back, and you freeze.

"Behind ya." He mumbles, reaching over you and into the cabinet to grab a to-go box. "Sorry, stealin' your boxes. I'm out."

You feel his fingers slide across your back until they retreat, and it takes everything within you to suppress a shiver. You look back at him once he leaves, feeling your face heat up and your lips quiver. Behind the bar, there's a fresh stack of to-go boxes.

Sneaky bastard.

You get him back, though. On a busy night, you jog behind the bar, nearly colliding with Simon. He stills and raises his hands. "Careful, Christ-"

You worm your way past him, ever-so-slightly pressing against his front, giving him the perfect angle of your tits. He can't breathe as you wiggle through - the fabric of his shirt and yours do little to quell the blazing heat he feels from you.

"That soda gun's broken!" You call out, filling the two glasses in your hand with the gun at the opposite end of the bar. You then trot back over and squeeze by him again - this time, your ass barely graces his cock, and he swears it nearly leaps to life just to feel the brush of your backside. "Thanks!" You call over your shoulder, disappearing into the restaraunt.

Simon takes a deep breath and rolls his shoulders, staring at the bartop and trying not to go feral. (You're making it very hard for him). He picks up the soda gun and pushes all of the buttons - they all work fucking fine.

Come the following week, Simon decides to be bold. You sit at the bar on a slow Tuesday evening, watching the game on the telly, occasionally reaching over the bar to snag a fry (they're Simon's, but he hasn't touched them in a while - they would get cold). Your two tables are talking amongst themselves, waiting for their food. You would glance back into the kitchen window and check the warmer for their orders, but so far, Soap's still working on them. So you relax, having nothing better to do.

You're hoisted out of the barstool when two, large, meaty hands grab you by the waist. You shriek, dropping your fry, grabbing onto Simon's forearms as he lifts you up and deposits you onto your feet.

"Stop eatin' my chips, stop slackin', n' go roll silverware." He grumbles - he gives you two, sharp pats on the small of your back, the tips of his fingers on the curve of your ass.

You can't find it in yourself to turn around and gripe with him. You can't even look at him. You scurry off and run upstairs in search of fresh napkins, face red as a tomato and your stomach fluttering nicely. This is normal, right? This is what waitressing lis like - flirtatious behavior everywhere, both giving and receiving. It doesn't mean anything. Right?

Simon chuckles. He'll take that as a win.

[themultifanshipper]

if you're still accepting requests can ask for 🟠 with oscar please and thank you 😽

Oscar was not happy. He'd finished p1, and yet you could hear him in his driver's room, cursing and throwing things around like an animal.

Oh yeah, Oscar was fucking pissed.

Warnings: filth, dirty talk, based on hungary 2024, is it exhibitionism if the goal is to make people hear you?, squirting, Oscar's a bit of a freak in this ngl, bordering on dubious consent, very minimal prep, overstimulation?

Requested from my prompt list

Technically his race had gone perfectly, he drove great, managed his tyres, took the lead and he'd had his first Grand Prix victory in formula one. He should be happy.

But just like his first sprint victory, it had been completely overshadowed, and this time it was by the absolute mess that was the Mclaren strategy calls.

By the fuckass team that made the call to pit his twat of a teammate first.

It was supposed to be smooth sailing, instead his teammate had to fucking let him pass for him to win.

That's not racing, that's fucking… it's…

Whatever it is it's fucked. It's fucked and it's wrong and it made Oscar's win feel undeserved. And the final insult came in the form of Lando himself.

Sweet summer child, Mclaren's princess, doe eyed baby boy Lando.

He was only a prick about 1% of the time, but today he was really making up for the the other 99% with gusto.

While Oscar was smashing up his driver's room, Lando was in his own, next door, adding insult to injury by playing his music just loud enough for Oscar to hear, but he'd selected a playlist that he knew Oscar hated.

Because Lando was also bitter. So it was really just petty bickering, but with noise instead of words. Everytime Oscar threw something against the wall, or screamed in anger, Lando would turn it up a notch.

You, the team photographer, and Oscar's fuckbuddy turned unofficial girlfriend, decided to intervene before either of them decided to start costing the team serious money in property damage, or actually start brawling. It had happened only once in the two years they'd been teammates, but it was not pretty, and definitely something you'd like to avoid.

So you knocked on Oscar's door.

“No!” he yelled from inside.

“It's just me, Osc! I'm coming in!” you answered, opening the door carefully before stepping in.

The sight before you was hot pitiful.

Stuff was everywhere. Several things including his phone and a bottle of water, were smashed next to the wall separating the two drivers.

His helmet was on the other side of the room, his massage table was upside-down and the sofa cushions had been thoroughly roughed-up and strewn around the room.

And in the middle of all this was Oscar, still in his race suit, red faced and panting hard, sweat soaked hair plastered on his forehead.

The way he looked at you almost made your knees buckle. You'd barely ever seen him so angry.

He'd managed to keep his carefully composed image together after the race and during the interviews, but now, now he was letting it all out.

As you walked in his features softened ever so slightly and he rushed towards you, enveloping you in a tight hug. So tight you could barely breathe.

Neither of you said anything, bodies entertwined, just gently rocking to whatever shit-stirring music the prick next door had selected.

God, he wanted to punch him so bad.

He would have to find another way to let out his pent up aggression.

He made noise low in his throat before his hands started trailing downwards. Down to cup your ass and squeeze, hard.

You squeaked and jumped in his hold but he held firm, keeping you pressed against him.

He was breathing hard against your neck and you almost felt like he was about to eat you alive.

“Oscar?” you tried, no response.

He roughly turned you around and pushed you down onto the only thing he'd left intact, the desk.

The conveniently empty desk, which was against the same wall that the music was coming from.

The force with which he pushed you made you stumble, and you just about caught yourself before you almost got a concussion.

“Oscar, what-” you started to say, but the sound of him quickly unzipping his suit and his hand coming to push you down cut you off.

“Baby I love you, but right now I just need you to bend over and take it.”

You whole body shuddered at his tone, and he chuckled darkly.

“I knew you would like this, my little slut is up for anything.”

He very rarely talked to you like that, or got into this kind of mood, but when he did you turned into mush.

You enjoyed careful, loving, passionate Oscar as much as the next person. But this Oscar… this one was a real treat.

The hand between your shoulder blades pinned you down while the other one pushed your cute little skirt up and pushed your underwear to the side.

Two fingers breached you and you moaned loud, hopefully covered by Lando's music.

“God you're so wet. I think i'll just slide in.” Oscar pumped his fingers a few times before going to push his fireproofs down around his thighs, freeing his cock that had been at least half hard ever since he'd crossed the finish line.

“I'm going to need you to be louder than that if we want Lando to hear how good I'm treating my girlfriend” he muttered darkly into your ear.

You gasped and didn't even have time to protest before you heard him spit in his hand and cover his cock, carefully putting it against you and pushing in, just over half way.

It's a good thing you were lying down on the desk, because your legs went completely numb as the feeling of his thick cock stretched you open.

“Fuck, that's good. You're my good girl aren't you? Gonna take all of my cock like I know you can?”

You couldn't answer, but he adjusted his position and thrusted in all the way in, and the noise you let out definitely wasn't covered by Lando's music.

You'd be surprised if the whole building hadn't heard you, and you would be worried about it if it weren't for the amazing dick you were currently getting.

You literally couldn't shut your mouth. Your jaw was wide open and Oscar didn't hesitate to stick two of his fingers in there to ensure you couldn't hide your moans.

The loudest moans you'd ever produced came spilling out at every thrust, and Oscar couldn't help but feel proud of the pleasure he was managing to give you while being so selfish.

Because he wasn't doing this for you, he was doing this for himself, for his pride, to let out his frustration and anger, and mostly to piss off Lando.

You were unable to move, the pressure on your back was pushing you roughly against the desk, you could barely breathe, every thrust sent your hipbones knocking into the edge of the desk, your cervix was taking a beating, and your nails were splitting because of how hard you were scratching the surface under you.

It was fucking perfect.

As the desk rocked, the edge of it hit the wall repeatedly and you were sure Oscar had placed it there on purpose. Just to make a point to Lando, that Oscar had someone there for him. Someone he could count on who loved him. Someone he could use.

And use you he did. You were floating, brain like tv static as Oscar gripped your hips hard enough to bruise and pounded into you harder than he ever had before.

You felt so high on pleasure that your orgasm came and went almost unnoticed by you, but Oscar definitely noticed.

He quickly pulled out, ripped your now ruined underwear off, and turned you over on the desk.

“Fuck, look at you. Completely drunk on my cock.”

He slid back inside and started thrusting straight into your g-spot with renewed vigour.

“Fuck baby you're so good for me. My good girl, all for me.”

If you hadn't been completely out of it, you'd have noticed how Oscar was speaking unnaturally loudly, and throwing angry glances at the wall every now and then. Again, this wasn't for your benefit.

“You can give me another one can't you? Come on baby, come all over the cock that's making you feel so good”

He was nailing your sweet spot dead on every time and a hand had joined the party to thumb lazily at your clit, lighting your whole body on fire.

This one you definitely felt coming, it was building deep inside you, making your toes curl and your breaths come out in high pitched whines, and you registered a new wetness between your thighs.

“ Perfect girl, Perfect fucking cunt.”

Oscar was over the moon, he was making you squirt all over him, the desk and the carpet.

“Yes baby, fuck- good girl. Fucking soak me baby that's it.”

He only lasted a couple of thrust before the image of you limp in his arms, eyes rolled back and thighs clamping around him trying to stop his assault on your overstimulated pussy, overwhelmed him and he came with a shout.

His hips stilled as he felt like his soul had been sucked out via his dick.

It took you a few minutes to regain control of your limbs. Oscar had fucked all the energy straight out of you.

You noticed the music next door had stopped completely. And then the realisation of what just happened set in.

Oscar had just fucked your brains out, and everyone, including Lando had probably heard you.

It got Lando and Oscar to stop fighting, and to you surprise you never got repremanded for inappropriate workplace behaviour.

But to no one's surprise, Lando never put his music on higher than 50% volume ever again

[fandom]

Memes

At a certain point, it was just hard to keep up. They seemed to fall from the sky like fizzing raindrops, soaking everything in pure wildness—memes, that is. 2022 had an absolute bumper crop of memes. The fertile field of this year’s chaos was sown freely, resulting in some impressively widespread phenomena. Most of it remained pretty contained within the dashboard, but at the end of the year the biggest meme of them all broke containment…We’re getting ahead of ourselves here. 

Cast your mind back to January 2022. We kicked off the year with Horse Plinko, which soon joined forces with Eeby Deeby in a frenzy of flaming gifs in which the poor horse plinko’d its way to Super Hell. Nothing has ever summed up the mildly deranged meme generation process on Tumblr so perfectly. 

This era of memes merged smoothly with the Month of Blorbo. Can you believe blorbo from my shows is more or less purely a 2022 phenomenon? Granted, the original post happened in late 2021, but it was the new year by the time “blorbo” secured itself in our vocabulary. How did we even live our lives on Tumblr without the word “blorbo”? It’s impossible to even imagine at this point. 

Springtime dawned with the rise of Live Slug Reaction, which dominated the dashboard as everyone rushed to plop that shocked slug in the corner of their favorite gay moments from TV and film. And in May came a very important event that would define the rest of the year on Tumblr: the launch of Dracula Daily, Affectionately dubbed “tumblr book club,” the serialized email newsletter found a hugely involved following on Tumblr and spawned an infinite variety of memes, beginning with the iconic paprika recipes. 

The Summer of Morbius dominated Tumblr from June onwards, with everyone going bonkers with Morb-based puns, jokes about the film’s most ridiculous moments, and reblogging a single GIF somehow containing the entire movie that would crash your browser when it played on your dash..

The i love you x i love you y text post meme saw us to the end of the summer, and autumn came with the rise of the GOUGER. Or is it GOUGAR? Regardless, the strange but harmless creature took over everyone’s meme palette for a while, getting involved in increasingly silly scenarios. 

This free-for-all was interrupted by the death of Queen Elizabeth, an event that was solemn everywhere else. . But on Tumblr, of course, users swamped the dashboard with Queen Liz-related memes and commentary. And crabs. There were quite a lot of those.

Later, in September, the Try Guys saga unfolding on Twitter and YouTube filtered over to Tumblr in the form of the “lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship” meme, with Tumblr users casting various favorite co-worker ships in the roles of the controversial real-life pairing. 

And finally, closing out the year, the meme you’ve all been waiting for: the one and only Goncharov (1973). Just in case you’ve been living under a rock, Goncharov is a movie borne out of the magic combination of a misprinted shoe label and Tumblr’s fertile imagination. Thanks to a fake movie poster by user @beelzeebub, which gave names and faces to the characters, Tumblr ran absolutely wild, churning out analysis, fanart, and even fanfiction at an astounding rate. This was by far the meme to win 2022: it gained coverage all over the internet, including the freaking New York Times, and even Scorsese himself acknowledged it. You did that, Tumblr. Goncharov forever, all hail the power of the Tumblr meme!

[papasmoke]

biden's second most relatable quality after having a fuck-up loser son with cocaine for blood is that he's a really shitty dog owner, if he wants to win re-election he should bring all his German Sheperds who keep biting people up on stage at a debate and say they're usually really friendly and apologize repeatedly while they're all freaking out on his split lead leash pissing everywhere and lunging at the moderators

[almalvo]

About An Official Spiderverse Artist...

Please do not just scroll past this post; read it.

If you guys follow me on twitter, you probably already know.

But if you dont or still want to read this anyway - here you go:

I aint big, but I got a growing platform that I see as important for me to use as a force for things that matter.

So here I am.

And I got something to say about a certain "artist".

There are so many fucked up people who call themselves artists who are so heavily worshipped by us who both get and or dont get outed in the world for things they do and for their general piss-poor behaviours and persons.

Im here to talk about one in particular (and certainly wont be the last).

There is an artist that basically EVERYONE here has seen art from before, printed in the official Sony artbooks too.

If you have seen this:

Then you have seen this artist before.

His name is Alberto Mielgo. He goes by @/pinkman_himself on twitter.

He is a HUGE part of the art direction and stylisation of the spiderverse movies, if that isnt already obvious. Because he was the former original art director of Into The Spiderverse.

Yes. Former.

Cuz he got "mYsTeRiOuSlY fiReD" from Sony 2 years into pre-production and completely removed from the project.

You may have also seen this character before:

Yes. THAT asian character from Netflix's Love Death + Robots, from the episode "The Witness".

Familiar? Yeah. Because this episode was also made by the same guy, Mielgo.

I aint going to talk about what happens in that episode and hesitate to encourage anyone to watch it - cuz all it basically is is a megalo-misogynistic, assault "glorified for the sake of aRtT", racially fetishised showcase of this crazy makeup/haired bdsm stereotyped asian girl sex worker who essentially gets murdered over and over and over after running for her life completely naked through the city for all of us to see for some fucking reason.

BUt yeah anyways, you can see it in the first pic, but Ill put it here to show more clearly - this here is NOT the character from LDR. But I can understand why you might think so:

Yeah. You read that name in the bottom right corner correctly. This is Peni Parker. His concept art of Peni Parker. A 13 YEAR OLD CHILD. Lookin suspiciously like and dressed as the adult person from LDR with ALSO the crazy hair, make up - WITH AN O-RING CHOKER AND BALL-GAG LIPSTICK (BDSM).

13. year. old. child.

This man only sees east asian women this way.

He likes them crazy, sexy, broken--

and young.

Cuz this man also wrote this on a now-deleted post on his website:

Yeah. He, this whole ass middle-aged white cishet male spaniard thirstin for kids since he was 18 for 12 year old girls.

Cuz 12 year old girls are a fuckin "KNOCK OUT" when they grow up, when they ripen up into adulthood, to this man Alberto Mielgo, aka @/pinkman_himself, this creature.

And if auctioning NFTs isnt bad enough (cuz yes, ofc he does that too - its literally the first option on his website) -

His entire fucking portfolio is of drawing women he had sex with.

His fucking PROFESSIONAL PORTFOLIO is all of painting and drawing women in very compromising, questionable ways of the VERY SAME WOMEN HE HAD SLEPT WITH THROUGH HIS LIFE.

They look as creepy as they are.

But the scariest part?

While I myself had only just found out about this some days ago as of writing this, some of us have known about this man and his antics for years.

And he keeps getting greenlit by the industry, over and over and over; winning awards, getting respected, praised, admired, even by fellow at-home artists like many of you out there if you dont already do so.

And nothing will happen to him cuz he is a white cishet male artist who has money and a following and connections and influence and power.

So yeah.

I just wanted to talk about a certain official Spiderverse artist to just let yall know there are freaks everywhere, and that no matter how small it is, it's people like me and you who need to do what we can to keep up awareness and warn our communities and protect our most vulnerable.

My suggestion is to take heed of what I said, ask questions about everything you will ever see again from anyone around you, no less the industry, THINK for once, and actually give a fuck.

Keep away.

Do not support this man.

But the decision is ultimately yours.

Stay awake, yall.

-------

(His face, publicly available as his imdb profile):

scary.

[opossumprints]

You're Weird--I'm Weirder

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

POV Eddie, a part 2/continuation of this, now with part 3

Eddie has a problem. Like Eddie Munson, the person has a problem. On a psychological level. Normal people have problems like flat tires or going to the store only to find that they don't have their favorite cereal. But noooo, not Eddie. He just has to be different. 

Eddie is sitting on the floor of his room–which, to be fair, is a pretty normal thing to do–staring at eight pristine pairs of underwear. Odd, but not totally out of the question. The freaky bit is that not a single one belongs to him.

Eddie spread them out, laid them in a straight line, sat down, and wondered how the hell he got here. 

In theory, he knows exactly how he got here. It had started on a completely normal Sunday laundry day. The Munsons have a system; every Sunday morning, Eddie unceremoniously chucks his dirty laundry in a bucket, chucks the bucket into his van, and drives his sorry sleepy ass down to the town's cheap, dingy laundromat when the church crowd is too busy doin’ their thing and the building is at its quietest. 

The system worked very well for Eddie. The structure meant he actually got his laundry done instead of leaving it piled in a corner, and it gave him an excuse to get out of going to church with his Uncle Wayne. 

It's not that he didn't love his uncle; he just hated going to church (and the people at church hated him, so it’s a win-win scenario). 

The only problem came about Sunday, the 16th of February, 1986 (yes, he remembers the day, it's that bad). That problem’s name is Steve freaking Harrington. 

Eddie had walked in like normal, said hello to the owner like normal, and walked to his normal machine near the back. The day was totally and completely normal except for the fact that when he looked up, Steve was standing right there. 

Eddie had been so surprised to see King Steve in a crappy laundromat of all places that he had frozen mid-step and lost his balance. It also just so happened that Steve’s basket of dirty laundry was directly under his foot, and when he teeter-tottered over, Eddie stepped right in it and slipped like it was a cartoon banana peel. 

Clothes had flown everywhere. 

Eddie had been so preoccupied with apologizing that he wasn't paying attention to whose proverbial panties he was snatching. It hadn’t been until he dumped his clean clothes on his bed to sort and put away that he even noticed the pair of underwear he'd nabbed definitely weren't his. 

It was an honest mistake—one that anyone could have made. The boxers looked like something Eddie would buy: red with a black waistband, probably came in a three-pack with a matching blue and gray pair. 

If it wasn't for the fact that the tag inside read “Stevie” instead of any of the crude jokes Eddie labeled his underwear with, he probably wouldn't have noticed.

Obviously, Eddie couldn't give them back without risking having his face pummeled, so he shoved them in his closet, and that was that.

Or it would have been, but it kept happening.

From that point onward, every Sunday, Eddie would come back from the laundromat only to discover underwear that didn't belong to him and definitely belonged to Steve.

The real kicker was that he couldn't remember stealing a single one! Besides the first pair, he had no idea when and how the offending underwear ended up with him. 

So now here he is, sitting in front of a line of underwear and contemplating his life choices.

(And admiring his collection. But only a little!)

Oddly, each pair got, how could he put this, more…cutesy? than the last. The first pair is solid red and normal, but the second pair is a sweet and buttery pastel yellow. Pair number three is baby pink. Number four is the first pattern, a classic white with red hearts. Pair number five is also pink, but this time with pale five-petaled flowers scattered across them. And so on.

He can excuse the patterned ones as probably some sort of Valentine's gag gift. It had been two days before the initial panty pilfering after all.   Not that he needs excuses for the pattern of boxers he doesn't own. What he has no excuse for is pair number eight. 

Pair number eight is made out of silk and lace, the color of bittersweet nightshade. They have Stevie written on the label like all the others. They’re teeny and sweet and most definitely lingerie. And they're driving Eddie up a wall!

Not even for the normal reasons! Most dudes like Eddie would be losing their minds because they stole lingerie from their crush, but the thing that's bugging Eddie is that there is no possible way he’s the one who stole them. 

Eddie was extra careful today. He kept his head down, and he chose a machine further away from Steve, he didn't even talk to the guy. 

(Steve had come over to talk to him since Eddie's grand spill. The first time it happened, Eddie was fully prepared to meet his maker, only for Steve to ramble out apologies rapid fire. It turns out that Steve had spent the whole week guilt-ridden because he had left his basket in the middle of the walkway, which caused Eddie to slip.  Poor guy didn't calm down until Eddie had reassured him no less than 15 times that he wasn't hurt and they were totally cool.)

It had become part of the routine, part of the system, for the two to have a conversation before one or the other left. But not today. today he was careful. The very second he had noticed Steve make his way over out of the corner of his eye he made a break for the bathroom. Never before had he been so grateful for the fact that Sudsy’s had a toilet left over from when the building was something else. 

He hid there for as long as was socially acceptable before slinking out to start his drier cycle. He waved to Steve across the room when he saw him. Just to say they were still cool. No other reason. 

The point is that the only time he was anywhere near Steve’s laundry basket was when Eddie passed it on his way out. He definitely did not grab anything then. Or at least he thought he didn't. 

Oh god did he? Was he so far gone that he didn't even notice?!?!

Eddie groaned and dropped his head into his hands. Hands that were still holding the underwear, the underwear, The probably not clean underwear, the–Jeasus, maybe Eddie did need to go to church ‘cus the thoughts he is thinking are not pure!

What does he do now? He can't turn himself in, he’s in too deep. But if this continues… well he doesn't know what will happen, but it can't be good!

For now, he figures that as long as Steve hasn't figured out where his underwear wandered off to everything will be fine. 

Hopefully.

On the bright side, Eddie probably still has another hour until Wayne gets back. He can think of plenty of ways to fill that time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------hehehehehe Steve and I are twirling our collective nonexistent evil mustaches. If anyone was disappointed that Steve didn't show up much another part is already in the works. so don't worry! more is on the way.

[newkatzkafe2023]

How would they monkeys fare with a fluffy tailed short chubby monkey reader? Like you know, she has thicks, a somewhat small but noticeable belly with love handles, and a long soft fluffy tail.

For all Pretty Thick Gurls😉😉😉😘😘😘

(Lmk Wukong) Wukong mind was blown, when he met you a short, chubby but ever so adorable monkey. His Jaw was on the floor with your super fluffy and chubby, and everything about you looked exotic and unique Wukong couldn't take his eyes of you. Wukong quickly wanted to know everything about you and what he can do to win your heart. You were literally all he told his friends about and it may be far fetch with Him, Mk and Macaque being the only stone monkeys people know about. Then everyone saw you one day and Mei also couldn't get over how fluffy you are. Wukong knew he wanted you, and now pulling out all the stops to woo you.

(NR Wukong) This man was drooling behind his mask, he had got an eyeful of the Chubbiest, Sexiest, Most Adorable short female monkey he's ever seen. Not to mention you remain him of a giant cloud with how fluffy and soft you look and you had such shiny eyes and cute paws, God He had to have you before somebody else does. You and him can be the fluffy couple, and he wasted no time to sweep you off your feet, you were Definitely his type especially when you add your type of fun chaos. Oh where have you been all his life🤤

(MKR Wukong) The monkey king's first cute aggression🤣🤣🤣 and it hit him like a freight train. The pilgrims had noticed a group of small children hanging around a short female monkey, and the first thing Wukong noticed was your body. You were chubby everywhere especially that belly of yours, and for some reason Wukong had drooled a bit Upon seeing you. Not to mention you looked like a giant dandelion with your extra fluffy fur, it made you look so soft and innocent and he soon couldn't handle it anymore. Wukong made it his next mission to win over that cottonpuff that is you😉

(HIB Wukong) Ohhhhhhhhhh Lord the second he Stupidly looked into your big shiny eyes, he was ready to give you everything he had. Your belly and love handles were his favorite parts of you, especially when he daydreams about all the just as fluffy baby monkeys that would just be as Fluffy as you are. Wukong wanted to talk to you, when he saw that silly girl was trying to play with your long tail freaking out and picked her up apologizing to you. Although you took none of it to heart and actually enjoy her little presence, and soon You got to enjoy Wukong's presence too.🥰

(Netflix Wukong) He saw a fluffy cloud in the distance, and that fluffy cloud was you. Wukong was staring at you like he was Hallucinating, you were short, cute, and chubby not to mention ridiculously fluffy and soft looking. It was too much and he immediately thought you were his type so he went over and made his moves on you, and you blushed sofly making yourself ever cuter and chirped at him. Making him have a heart attack from how adorable you were, it wasn't long before you started dating.

(BMW Wukong) He's having a brainfreak, and his heart was beating fast. He saw the fluffest thing he ever seen and wondered what it was and then he saw a long soft tail, and you turned around he saw a chubby female monkey which was you! Wukong mind melted out of his ears because you were both cute and Sexy looking especially your thighs. Wukong had Wasted no time calling you at the distance with his chirps and purrrrs making you look over with a shocked blushing look on your face. That's one way to get your attention😉

(Destined one) He had arrived in a village and spotted you in a marketplace. You were buying some groceries and noticed him silently starting at you, and you silently stared back at him as you both observed each other. You were soft, chubby, and fluffy, and to you, he was tall, muscular, and soft looking. You soon blush and introduced yourself to him and flirted with him a bit making him blushed it wasn't long before you both got to know each other and were now equally interested in each other.

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